Podcast appearances and mentions of Katie K May

Do you have a teen whose emotions feel huge and explosive—and nothing you say seems to calm things down?Do you find yourself reacting out of fear, walking on eggshells, or second-guessing whether you're doing any of this “right”? In this episode, Colleen O'Grady talks with therapist and author Katie K. May about what's really happening when teens have big, intense emotions—and why common parent responses (like “You're fine” or “Relax”) often backfire. Katie introduces the concept of “fire feelers,” teens who experience emotions as all-consuming, and explains how self-destructive behaviors can become a desperate attempt to shut down emotional pain. You'll learn why validation is the fastest way to lower emotional intensity, how “radical acceptance” helps parents stop fighting reality and start rebuilding connection, and why parents need a plan to regulate their own nervous system so they can respond instead of react—especially when safety is a concern. Guest Bio: Katie K. May Katie K. May is a licensed therapist, author, speaker, and group practice owner. She founded Creative Healing, a multi-location teen support center in the Philadelphia area, and is the author of You're On Fire, It's Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens with Self-Destructive Behaviors. With lived experience as a teen who turned to self-harm, Katie is one of a select few board-certified DBT clinicians in Pennsylvania. She equips parents and clinicians with practical, trauma-informed tools to decode behavior as survival and create lasting change. Three Takeaways Validation lowers the emotional “fire.” Before problem-solving, teens need to feel seen and understood—validation helps calm the nervous system and opens the door to change. Radical acceptance reduces parental suffering. Accepting “this is where we are” doesn't mean approving—it means stopping the fight with reality so you can respond more effectively. Parents need their own regulation plan. A “stress meter” and a proactive calming strategy help moms manage fear, avoid catastrophic thinking, and stay steady when emotions run high. Learn More at: https://katiekmay.com/ Follow at https://www.instagram.com/katiekmay/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, I speak with Katie K. May, a licensed therapist and author of the book You're On Fire. It's Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens With Self-Destructive Behaviors. We discussed children/teens who are “fire feelers”, why intense emotions can lead to risky behaviours, how to respond to self-harm urges, how to stay connected or rebuild your connection with your teen, and what parents of younger children can do now to prevent challenges in their teen years.**If you'd like an ad-free version of the podcast, consider becoming a supporter on Substack! > > If you already ARE a supporter, the ad-free version is waiting for you in the Substack app or you can enter the private feed URL in the podcast player of your choice.Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them!We talk about:* 00:05 — What Is a Fire Feeler?* 00:06 — What Emotional Dysregulation Really Means* 00:07 — Fire Feelers Often Have Fire-Feeler Parents- Genetic and Environmental Components* 00:10 — Why Teens Are So Easily Overwhelmed* 00:12 — What Fire Feelers Do When Overwhelmed* 00:20 — How Parents Should Respond to Self-Harm Urges* 00:22 — When to Get Professional Help* 00:24 — Why Depression Looks Different in Teens* 00:25 — Teens Still Need Their Parents* 00:26 — How to Stay Connected to Teens* 00:28 — Judgment vs Validation* 00:31 — How to Rebuild Connection When Things Are Broken- Katie's Hierarchy of Connection* 00:34 — Sensitivity & Impulsivity* 00:35 — What Parents of Younger Kids Can Do Now* 00:37 — Why Control Works When Kids Are Young — and Fails Later* 00:38 — Why “Tough Love” Doesn't WorkResources mentioned in this episode:* Evelyn & Bobbie bras* Yoto Player-Screen Free Audio Book Player* The Peaceful Parenting Membership* Get a free chapter of Katie's book * Katie's website Connect with Sarah Rosensweet:* Instagram* Facebook Group* YouTube* Website* Join us on Substack* Newsletter* Book a short consult or coaching session callxx Sarah and CoreyYour peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching sessionVisit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more!>> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the summer for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others.In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything' session.Our sponsors:YOTO: YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can't go where you don't want them to go and they aren't watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HEREEvelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HEREPodcast Transcript:Sarah: Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. Today's guest is Katie May. She's a therapist and the author of You're On Fire. It's Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens With Self-Destructive Behaviors. We talked about why some teens are what she calls “fire feelers,” and about how best to support them—and ourselves—when emotional dysregulation is common, troubling, and can be destructive.If you don't have a teen yet, but you have a kiddo with big feelings, have a listen, because Katie also talks about what she wishes parents of younger kids knew so they didn't end up with these sorts of challenges down the road. Let's meet Katie.Sarah: Hi, Katie. Welcome to the podcast.Katie: Hey, Sarah. I'm glad to be here. Excited to talk about teens and parenting today—stuff I'm jazzed to share.Sarah: Me too. Yeah. And I loved your book. I'll ask you about that in a second—or maybe you can tell us who you are and what you do.Katie: Yeah. My name is Katie K. May. I'm a licensed therapist in Pennsylvania, and I lead a team of other therapists. We all specialize in working with high-risk teens and their parents. So every day, we're in the trenches working with teenagers who are suicidal, self-harming, have eating disorders, are not going to school, and we're helping them learn skills while also teaching their parents how to respond effectively—so the whole family is working together as a system in harmony.Sarah: And your book's called You're On Fire. It's Fine. I like it. My book—Katie: Go ahead.Sarah: No, it's a great title.Katie: Yeah. So I came to that title from this idea of biologically sensitive teens—or very sensitive teens—often feeling like they're on fire with their own emotions. And I can dig into any part of that. But the idea is that parents who are well-meaning will many times say things like, “You're fine. It's okay. Go take a nap. Go get a snack.” And it feels like a little squirt gun trying to put out this big fire of emotion. So I thought that title captured those two points initially, to bring people into the framework that I teach.Sarah: I love that. And it's funny—I had a different interpretation of the title, and my interpretation, now that you said what you meant it to be, I can totally see that. But my interpretation was more like, “You're on fire. You can handle these big feelings. It's fine.” Like, this is just—let's get used to feeling the feelings. So I guess it could be read either way.Katie: I like both interpretations, and I think your interpretation speaks to probably how you support and parent. It's nurturing and supportive of the process.Sarah: Yeah. So tell us: what is a fire feeler?Katie: A fire feeler is someone who is biologically sensitive. And what I mean by that is this is a kid who feels things very deeply. Their emotions are big and oftentimes overwhelming for them. And not just that—these are your zero-to-sixty-in-ten-seconds-flat kind of kids. They're reactive, they're easy to trigger, and when they're triggered and they're feeling their emotions in these very big ways, it also takes them a very long time to calm down or get back to their baseline.And this is important because if you think about that slow return to feeling settled or centered again, oftentimes they're being triggered again before they get back to that place of calm. And so they have a nervous system that's constantly in a state of dysregulation—constantly triggered and upset. And it is very hard to access safety or calm or feeling okay because of that.Sarah: And you mentioned emotional dysregulation, and in your book you have a very specific definition of emotional dysregulation. I thought it was a little more helpful and also a little bit more unusual. Can you give us your definition of emotional dysregulation?Katie: So when someone is emotionally dysregulated, when they are triggered, it sets off this chain of emotions for them. Again, we go back to this idea that they feel on fire with their emotions. They're often at this skills-breakdown point where it's difficult to access skills or to calm down. And when you're feeling on fire with your emotions, it makes sense that your brain comes up with escape strategies—things like self-harm, suicidal ideation, substance use—because it's so big and hard to hold that the brain would do anything to make those emotions go away.Sarah: I love that. And you also mentioned that people are biologically predisposed to be fire feelers, so I'm guessing that usually a teen's one or both parents are also fire feelers, which would add a complication to the mix.Katie: I would say so. I often find myself telling parents: some kids are born naturally good at sports. Some kids are born naturally good at music or art. And some kids are born naturally good at emotions—which means they're very attuned to emotional states or nuances in the emotions of others.And when we think about that as a genetic trait or a biological trait, it also makes sense that at least one of their parents carries this trait and is passing it down. And I think when I start to describe fire feelers—who they are and what it looks like—I regularly have at least one parent saying, “Oh, that's me,” or “That's you, honey.” They recognize it.Sarah: Totally. Yeah. So I guess that makes home more complicated too when you've got a fire feeler and a fire feeler trying to find their way together.Katie: It's almost like if you yawn and it's contagious—and the other person catches it. So if you have two people that are both biologically sensitive and they're in the same room, one of them is triggered, one of them has a high state of emotional activation, it's hard in general for another person in the room not to respond to that.So there's something that I teach. It's called the transactional model. So let's say a teenager is boiling over with frustration, and they're exhibiting it. They're bawling their fists. They're snapping back at their parent. The parent then absorbs that emotion and they're snapping back: “Don't talk to me like that,” or, “It's not okay for you to say that,” or “Don't walk away from me.” Which then influences how the teen responds. And then the teen will continue to push or yell back, which then influences how the parent responds.So we're always looking at: How is it that I am influencing how you respond? How is it that you are influencing how I respond? And if everybody feels their emotions in these very big ways, it's going to make that escalation that much bigger or faster because everyone's overwhelmed in their emotions.Sarah: So hard. I'm sure a lot of people listening can relate even when their kids aren't teenagers yet—because that happens with little kids too.Katie: Absolutely. It applies to all ages. I just happen to work with teenagers and parents.Sarah: Speaking of teens, you mentioned in your book that teenagers are more prone to overwhelm. Can you briefly explain why that is? Because I talk about that too. I always say, “The drama is real.”Katie: The drama is real. Thank you for saying that. So the way I look at it: teens are in this developmental state when so much is happening for them. They have unfully formed frontal lobes, which helps to regulate their emotions. They're also dealing with hormonal changes, developmental changes, social stressors, peer stressors. They're in school six hours a day, five days a week. There's so much stress that's placed on our teens.And so if we think about a stress cup holding stress, it's oftentimes just this one little extra drop that makes them lose control or makes them feel overwhelmed in their emotions. And I would say that's probably true for everyone—that we're all holding a lot, and it only takes a little to push us over the edge—but I think it's the brain development that makes it even more challenging.And then I'll add to that the lack of control or agency over their own lives. They don't have a lot of choice about what they do each day or what they have to do or who's telling them what to do. So there's a lot that's outside of their control, and that makes it even harder to control or manage their emotions.Sarah: I'm so glad you work with teenagers. You have such an empathetic view of what it's like to be a teenager, and I think a lot of people—just a little sidebar—teens get such a bad rap in our culture and they're so wonderful. I love teenagers. And also, I would never in a million years choose to go back to those years.Katie: I wouldn't either, but I do feel like I have a strong connection with the teen population. It's interesting—we run parent groups at my center, and that's a question that we'll ask: Do you remember being a teenager?And I think it's hard for a lot of adults to empathize with the teen experience. But being able to do so—being able to put yourself in a teenager's shoes—is going to help you support them so much more. Which is one of the things that I talk about in my book and in my work often: acceptance or validation before change. We always want to be understanding of the experience before we're trying to problem-solve or change that experience.Sarah: I want to ask you about validation a little bit later in our conversation, but before we get to that: what are some common reactions of fire feelers to overwhelm?Katie: Yeah. Some of those common reactions tend to be self-destructive because, again, if we think about this idea that fire feelers are overwhelmed with their emotions—the big, fiery, painful experience for them—it's not a conscious decision, but they would do anything to make that fire go out.So this could be self-harm. This could be thinking about suicide. This could also be lashing out at parents. It could be numbing out in front of the TV or scrolling on social media for hours because it hurts too much to feel and I need to numb myself from that. It could be cutting themselves off from friends because the experience of relationships is so painful.So a fire feeler will have a strong attunement to nuance and facial expressions and tones of voice. And so what might feel okay for one person, for a fire feeler might be interpreted as rejection or might be interpreted as “I did something wrong,” or “There's something wrong with me.” And so the natural response of a fire feeler is to do whatever it takes to protect themselves from being on fire.Sarah: I don't even know if I totally understand it—but how do, and I know a lot of people don't, how does self-harm bring relief to those feelings of overwhelm?Katie: So there's a biological response to it: when you self-harm—when one engages in a self-harm or self-destructive behavior—there is short-term relief. So if you think about emotions rising, rising, rising, what happens is it either blocks the escalation of those emotions, or it makes the emotional state come down quickly. It's body physiology.In addition to that, there are two parts to it. The first part is that it's called negative reinforcement, and that doesn't mean that something negative happens; it means it's the removal of something that's difficult. So that's what I just described. You self-harm, you start thinking about suicide—it becomes an escape. It helps you to feel a sense of relief.The second part of that is positive reinforcement, and that's the social piece. A parent finds out that I self-harmed, and all of a sudden I am given warmth. You're sitting on my bed. We're having a heart-to-heart. You're emailing the teacher to say that I don't have to go to school tomorrow.So there's this one-two stack of: I feel better in the moment because it brings my body physiology back into a state of balance or regulation. And then on top of that, I'm getting my social needs met. And therefore it makes it really hard to break that cycle because there are all of these—this chain reaction of things that happen—that make me go from feeling awful to okay, and sometimes even more supported than before.Sarah: That was such an interesting thing to read about in your book because I thought, “Oh man.” If I were a parent and had a teen that was self-harming, it would be so hard not to do that second part—the positive, what you call the positive reinforcement. So how do you support a teen without making it, “I self-harm and then I get a lot of really lovely warmth and attention”?Katie: Yeah. So it's not about removing the warmth and attention. It's about changing where you put that warmth and attention. Instead of it being directly after self-harm, maybe it's in structured and measured doses throughout the day.So maybe we're having a heart-to-heart in the morning. Maybe we're going out and spending time together or watching TV together just because—and not because I self-harmed.The other thing that I like to make sure that parents are familiar with and practiced with is how they respond when a teen shares an urge to self-harm or an urge for suicide. Because the way that it typically plays out—at least the first time a parent finds out about urges or that a behavior has happened—they're crushed. Of course. Their face falls. They're hurt. It hurts them to see that their child is hurting. They might cry. They might feel really anxious or helpless.But a teen that's witnessing that is interpreting that as, “My parent can't handle this information, and therefore I can't go to them with this information again.”And so the practice for parents is minding your tone—being calm—minding your face, being more like, “Thank you for trusting me,” than, “I'm going to fall apart right now,” and minding your pace—staying calm and regulated and not rushing forward or feeling frantic.And when we do this, what we communicate to our teens is: “I can handle this information. Therefore, in the future, you can come to me when you're having an urge and we can handle it together, rather than you taking care of it by acting on it—and then me finding out afterwards.”So that's how we change the cycle: structured and measured warmth, consistent support, ongoing—not just after an event—and also being able to handle the information, even if you're falling apart inside, because that is completely valid. But showing to your teen: “You're not going to freak me out. I'm not going to fall apart if you tell me the hard stuff. I'm here for you. Come to me and we'll handle it together.”Sarah: And find your own support elsewhere.Katie: One hundred percent. Yeah. Parents—I think any parent is going to need support, whether that's their village, their people, their partner, their friend, a therapist. Parenting alone is tough stuff, and I wouldn't recommend it.Sarah: And I should have asked you this earlier in the interview, but when—are there any signs? A parent finds out your kid is self-harming or telling you they have the urges—is it straightaway “get help,” or are there early stages you can handle it yourself as a parent? When is this 911 getting help, and when is it, “Okay, we're going to figure this out”?Katie: It's somewhere in the middle of “911” and “we're going to figure this out.” The stance would be: if your teen has already self-harmed, they need to be in therapy. It's beyond the point of handling it on your own.When you're noticing—it's such a tough line because on one hand there are these typical teen behaviors: “I'm going to spend more time in my room.” Teens are moodier. They're more irritable. They want less to do with parents. They're more private. They don't want to talk to parents. And so I don't want there to be an overreaction to typical teen behavior.But if we're starting to see a duration, intensity, and frequency of that behavior that's beyond typical—which, again, is going to look different depending on the child—my measure is usually: if my teen for two weeks is more tearful, more self-critical, more hopeless, not enjoying or engaging in activities that they used to—these are signs of depression. And that would be the point when I would want to engage more professional help to support in the process, because that's where we're going to start being proactive and head off escalation of crisis.What happens is—and especially for teenagers—the symptoms of depression can lead to self-harm because there's an overwhelm of that emotion. There's a sense of hopelessness. Suicidal thoughts are one of the descriptors of the diagnosis of depression. We don't want it to get to that point. We want to put help in place sooner.Sarah: That makes sense. I read something the other day that in teenagers depression can look different than adults and sometimes it looks like irritability.Katie: It really depends on the person. So I always go back to—we've all heard “nature and nurture,” but I think of it as biology and environment. Same idea, different words. But for some people, their environment can feel really safe to be vulnerable. It can feel really natural to express emotions, to cry, to be in that more vulnerable state. And for others, it doesn't.Or for others, they've learned that being vulnerable isn't safe for them. It isn't manly enough for them. It really depends on the culture and environment. And so it can come across as irritability. It can come across as anger—different dispositions as to whether someone internalizes their emotions or externalizes them or sends them outward to others.Sarah: That makes sense. I think it's good for parents to have an eye on things that maybe look different than they expect, just to keep track.Katie: Yeah. And parents and teens don't always express emotions the same way. I'm a very expressive and emotional person. I'm a therapist. I've also spent my whole life figuring out how to express my emotions. And I would say that my child is probably the opposite of that and doesn't like being vulnerable in front of other people. So what you think makes sense may not make sense to the brain of another person.Sarah: You were talking before about warm connection with parents, and you mentioned that it is normal for teens to want to spend more time by themselves or with peers. But one thing I wonder—and I wonder if you come across this too—parents often think that means, “My kid doesn't want to spend time with me anymore,” or, “My kid doesn't need me.” And my experience with my kids as teenagers was that wasn't true at all—that even as they were moving away and differentiating, they still did like to spend time with their parents, and they still did like to do stuff with us and be close to us. What are some ways that you find are helpful ways for parents to connect? And how do you assure them that, “Yeah, you still are important”?Katie: Yeah. As a child is growing and gaining more independence, it is such a natural experience for parents to feel grief and loss in that process because the relationship is changing. Teens do need parents less. Teens are more independent. They don't want as much time spent with parents.And so it's important, one, to recognize that as a developmental milestone, and two, to recognize that means the way that you interact and respond to your teen changes as well. And so you're not expecting the same attention or response from them as you did before.But this is a grief process because you're grieving the relationship as it used to be. You're grieving your teen as they used to be. But you're also—and this is the part we don't think about—grieving yourself as you used to be because you have to become a new version of yourself to show up for your teen in a new way.And so all of that is to say that it requires a lot of flexibility, openness to evolving, willingness to change how you see, interact, and speak with your teen. And so in thinking about that, it's helpful to think about: What is it that my teen needs from me now?They might not need me to cut up their food or call their teacher for them or set up their playdate for them. They might need me to drive them somewhere and listen to the music that they like and not be the one leading the conversation. They might need me to sit on the couch with them while they watch The Office and notice the parts they laugh at and just be there with them.And both of those examples really nicely illustrate that your teens need less from you, but they don't not need you. They need you to be more of a partner and less of a doing-for.Sarah: When my husband and I both had pretty stable teenage years, we also had parents who were working a lot and not home when we were home. And I'm not saying this to make anyone feel guilty who isn't home after school, but we really tried to structure our lives so that somebody would be home after school even when the kids were teenagers. Because our joke was: even if it's just somebody who's there that they can ignore.Katie: It's so true. But they know that you're there.Sarah: Yeah. Yeah. So you talked a little bit about validation before. Can you talk a little bit about validation and its opposite—judgment—maybe starting with judgment: what to avoid when our teens are having big feelings? I mentioned before that I often say the drama is real. I think that's where some of the judgment comes in with parents sometimes. Like, “Oh, come on, you can't be that upset that the jeans you were hoping to wear are still wet in the washing machine.” Where do parents make mistakes in terms of that judgment?Katie: For me, I see judgments as the fuel to the emotional fire. So when we are seeing our teen act in certain ways, judgments are our interpretation of their experience. One of those examples might be: a teen is having a hard time getting up and going to school because they're really depressed, and they've been white-knuckling every single day, and today is just the day that they can't. They can't do it.And so judgments from a parent might look like, “Why can't you just go? Everyone else is going. Just get up. Here's the list of coping skills that your therapist gave us. Use your coping skills.”So it's this judgment that they can, and they're choosing not to.Other judgments that I hear regularly are: “They're manipulative. They're doing this on purpose to upset me. They're attention-seeking.”Oftentimes our judgments are because if we weren't judging and casting blame, we would be having to hold a really frustrating or painful reality. So if I'm not judging my teen and saying, “Why can't you just get up and go to school? Just use your coping skills. It's not this bad,” then what I'd be having to hold is: my teen is really struggling right now. My teen—the person that I love the most in the world—is thinking about wanting to die right now. And that's awful for me.And so judgments are a way of pulling ourselves out of this emotional pain, but also shifting that blame to the other person. And instead of being able to hold their experience.And if we're not judging, we're able to first just notice and name and sit with the experience, which is kind of what I described: “My teen is in a lot of pain right now. They're struggling to get out of bed and even function in their day, and that's really hard.” And when I can name that, I can feel that for myself, and it feels really hard and painful and difficult.And then the outward version of that is validating them: being able to say, “I see how hard you're struggling right now. I see the pain on your face. I hear the lack of energy. This is really hard for you right now.”So we can name the experience for ourselves with our notice-and-name, and then we can validate the experience for our teen by noticing and naming their experience.And when we do this, it does often make the emotion feel more painful because we're naming it. I think a common experience of that is: if you've ever been struggling and then someone in your life, in passing, says, “What's wrong? You look like you're going to cry right now,” and then all of a sudden the tears come because someone has named the experience. The experience was there all along, but having someone see it—having someone tell you, “This is real, this makes sense,” or “I notice what you're going through”—it makes it come to the surface.It's actually a helpful experience, because if we don't name what's happening, we're judging it, we're stifling it, we're ignoring it. And that's like holding a beach ball under water. Eventually it's going to pop out, but we can't control what happens when it does. Someone's going to get hit in the face.So we want to take ownership, we want to validate, we want to notice and name what we're experiencing, and these are the ways that we move toward acceptance of what is, so we have an ability to move toward problem-solving.Sarah: Where would somebody start who's listening to this and hearing all of the examples that you're giving of communication—if they're not even at a point where their teen is communicating with them? Like, things have gotten so fraught and feel so broken. Where would somebody start with that?Katie: It's what I call my hierarchy of connection. Oftentimes there is this big rift in the relationship because it's not just one time that something has happened—it's years or multiple experiences that have gotten them to this point, of this rift in the relationship.So the hierarchy of connection is our blueprint and our path back to connection. It starts with parent and teen being in the same room together—not interacting, but also not criticizing, not having this tension or conflict happening.The example I give often is: I'm in the kitchen putting groceries away. Teen is sitting on the couch scrolling social media or watching YouTube. But I'm not saying, “Hey, did you do your homework? Did you take your medicine? Did you do this?” I'm just existing and they're just existing. And we need to practice being in the same space together without that criticism or nagging happening.When that can happen, we can move into shared activities. This would be watching a movie together, watching TV together, driving somewhere, listening to music. Again: no tension, no conflict, no criticizing. Doing the same thing together without any of those things happening.And this could take a very long time. It's not one, two, three. It could be six months of doing the same thing at the same time before you're moving on.The final step is moving back to interactive activities. This could be something like playing a board game and talking to each other, having an actual conversation at the dinner table, or a deeper conversation about something that's a bigger experience. It could be the ability to do this within the context of therapy, so you're able to have some of those scarier conversations.But there needs to be a level of trust, and an ability not to act on urges to criticize or lead the conversation to nag or check off the to-dos. You have to be able to hold the space—to be in the space with your teen—before that can happen.Sarah: One thing that you mentioned in the book is that there's a link between sensitivity and impulsivity. Can you talk about that? I found that really interesting. Why is that?Katie: When someone is more biologically sensitive—again, there's this urge to make those emotions go away. And so when you are more overwhelmed with emotions, the idea of impulsivity makes more sense, because the desire and need for short-term relief is higher than it may be in others.And so when my emotions are really big, I also have really big urges to make those emotions go away, and it's harder for me to hold these big emotions.Sarah: That was really helpful. If you could have the parents and teens that you work with currently—if you could have had them ten years ago, because a lot of people who listen to the podcast have younger kids and they don't have teenagers—what would you like them to be practicing or working on? Is there anything preventive that you've noticed, that if people had an awareness earlier on, when their kids were younger, they might not get to this point with teenagers?Katie: Absolutely. What I find myself saying often is: parents go first. And what I mean by that is that it is a parent's job to learn emotion regulation skills, to learn how to notice and name emotions, to learn how to validate—essentially to model all of the ways that we handle really big emotions.So that when our teen is having this experience—or our child growing into our teen is having this experience—we have the skills to manage our own emotions and we know how to respond to their emotions, because that validation helps the emotion go down more quickly.When I'm working with younger children—and I don't anymore—but that is part of the process: we're working with parents first for many weeks to give them the skills before we even start working with the child.So that would be my biggest piece of advice for parents of younger children: practice the skills, know how to manage your own emotions, have your own support.And I will add to that: if you had the experience of being parented in a way that was painful for you as a child, address those issues, because they're going to show up in the teen years. In the opposite way, you're going to feel like it's karma, but it's really just generational patterns continuing—and you want to be able to change those patterns and rewrite stories that were painful for you so they don't repeat with your own teen.Sarah: I love that. It's interesting because I think when kids are little, fire feelers don't develop as teenagers, right? Like a fire feeler is a fire feeler whether they're five or whether they're fifteen. But a five-year-old—you can put them in their room and hold the door shut. Not that I'm advocating that. You can pick them up and move them places. I think parents probably—unless they're more aware of emotions and being, in my brand, a peaceful parent—they probably rely on things that then, as their kids get older, just don't work. But they maybe have missed opportunities to practice all the things that are effective as teenagers because they were relying more on external control when their kids were younger.Katie: I one hundred percent agree. I think coercive control is easier to implement when your child is younger. But practicing validation, direct communication, emotion regulation is going to pave the way for more success as a teen.And what I would say is: I think most parents recognize, when I talk about this idea of fire feelers, when they have a three-year-old. I have a sister who has two toddler girls, and she'll say, “I think they're fire feelers,” and they are.And so you know your kid. You know their disposition. You know when they're more sensitive or they're a deep feeler. And so knowing that now can help you pave the way for what's to come.Sarah: Can you speak briefly on—when I was a teenager in the eighties, there was a “tough love” approach for teens who were having a hard time: drugs and alcohol, not going to school. And the approach was like: crack down. Kick them out if they don't follow your rules. I'm pretty sure that's not what you would advocate for.And I do think there has been a shift because people recognize that doesn't work. So maybe if you could speak to that for a few minutes—why getting more strict and more controlling with a teenager who's having a hard time isn't going to be an effective strategy.Katie: I have two thoughts on that: one is about the teen, and one is about the relationship.So when we think about a teenager who's struggling, who has these big emotions, if the message in the family is, “You're too sensitive. Just suck it up. Just get it together. Why can't you do this like your siblings can?”—what happens over time is they internalize that message as, “There must be something wrong with me, that everyone else around me can do this and I can't.”And so they begin to lose trust in their own emotional experience, in their own emotion meter. And that is one of the contributors to self-harm behaviors, because then when an emotion shows up for them, their brain thinks, “Well, this must be wrong.” Everyone keeps telling me that my emotional state is the wrong thing or it's too intense, so let's make that go away quickly so that I can continue to function in my life.What I'll say is: at my center, we see hundreds of kids every week—teens and families. A lot of them are these high-achieving, perfectionistic, private-school kids, and they're self-harming and they're suicidal. And one of the reasons is that that's a strategy that keeps them going in this life that is expected of them.So I want to be really intentional about broadening the picture that we may have of the type of teen who engages in self-harm.The other side of that—the relational piece—is that when the parent is consistently giving this message of, “Just get it together. Suck it up and keep going,” it creates a rift in the relationship. The parent is no longer a safe person to come to when a teen is struggling, because they're not going to get what they need.And so if it's important for a parent to have a strong relationship with a teen—and I think that is for most parents—we need to learn the strategies that welcome open communication, that are able to hold that struggle, so that teens come to us with the little stuff and the big stuff.And I'll add to that: so that teens want to stay connected to us after they leave home.Sarah: Yeah, that makes so much sense. Before I let you go, there's a question I ask all my guests, which is: if you could go back in time to your younger parent self, what advice would you give yourself?Katie: To my younger parent self? I think what I would say is that it doesn't have to be perfect. And that's something that I learned through my own education and the theory of good-enough parenting: that you only really need to get it right twenty percent of the time, and the rest of the time it's how you repair, how you respond, and how you keep moving forward in the most loving and compassionate way for both you and your child. So that would help take the pressure off—both for younger me and also for probably a lot of other parents out there—that you don't have to get it right all the time. You just have to want to keep going and want to keep trying to get it right.Sarah: Nice. Where's the best place for folks to go and find out more about you and what you do?Katie: Yeah. To grab a free chapter of my book, You're On Fire. It's Fine, you can go to youreonfireitsfine.com. And for a therapist or media listening, katiekmay.com has all of my other projects and my counseling center and endeavors there.Sarah: Wonderful. Thank you so much, Katie.Katie: Thank you This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sarahrosensweet.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Where Parents Talk, host Lianne Castelino speaks to licensed professional counsellor, teen therapist, author and mom Katie K. May about teen mental health.Drawing from her own experience as a former “teen on fire” and her clinical work with adolescents and families, May unpacks emotional dysregulation, self-harm, and the powerful role validation plays in strengthening parent-teen relationships. She discusses helping parents better understand big emotions, identifying when typical teen behaviour signals deeper concern, and responding in ways that de-escalate conflict rather than intensify it.May also explains why self-harm is often used as a coping strategy, how parents can regulate their own emotional responses during difficult moments, and practical steps to rebuild trust and connection with a disengaged teen.Takeaways: Navigating the complexities of hormonal changes during adolescence requires open communication and understanding. The importance of validation in a teen's emotional health cannot be overstated; it's essential for fostering independence. Social media can amplify feelings of bullying and anxiety in teens, making emotional support crucial. Parents need to recognize the signs of self-destructive behavior early to provide timely intervention and support. Establishing a functional emotional system in the family is key to managing discipline and emotional health effectively. Building a foundation of consent and mutual respect in relationships can help combat the pressures of social media. Companies mentioned in this episode: Creative Healing Teen Support Centers This podcast is for parents, guardians, teachers and caregivers to learn proven strategies and trusted tips on raising kids, teens and young adults based on science, evidenced and lived experience.You'll learn the latest on topics like managing bullying, consent, fostering healthy relationships, and the interconnectedness of mental, emotional and physical health.Links referenced in this episode:whereparentstalk.com

Content Warning: This episode discusses suicide, self-harm, and mental health. Please listen with care.  What if your teen's big emotions weren't the problem, but your response was? Kate Mason sits down with licensed therapist and author Katie K. May, a leading expert in teen self-harm, DBT, and emotional regulation. Together, they explore the often-quiet struggles parents face when their teenager is overwhelmed by big, burning feelings, what Katie calls being “on fire.” Drawing from her personal journey and professional experience, Katie explains why some kids feel more intensely, how parents unintentionally fuel the flames, and the radical shift needed to connect with and support teens through emotional storms.  Listen For3:36 Why do teens self-harm and what does it achieve?7:26 How did Katie K. May overcome self-harm and trauma?12:57 What is radical acceptance in parenting?20:32 Why does fixing your teen often backfire?30:15 Can stable teens still engage in self-destructive behavior? Leave a rating/review for this podcast with one click   Connect with guest: Katie K. MayLinkedIn | TikTok | Instagram | Instagram | Facebook  Contact Kate: Email | Website | Kate's Book on Amazon | LinkedIn | Facebook | X 

Are you feeling drained from constant power struggles, screen-time battles, and emotional blowups with your teen?In this episode of The Single Parenting Reset Show, host Tess Connolly, LCSW, talks with therapist Katie K. May about the Caregiver Capacity Map—a breakthrough framework that helps single parents understand their own emotional limits and their teen's unique sensitivities. If you're exhausted from trying to “stay calm” while managing behavior, co-parenting, and keeping your teen off screens, this conversation will help you reset and reconnect.Discover how to recognize your emotional “capacity level” and refill it before frustration takes over.Learn simple validation techniques that instantly improve communication with your tween or teen.Find out how small mindset shifts can reduce screen-time conflicts and bring calm back into your home.Tune in now to learn how to manage stress, respond with empathy, and strengthen communication with your teen—so your single-parent home feels calmer and more connected.Find out more about Katie K. May and how to purchase her book 'You're on Fire, It's Fine' here

Do you feel like your - once close relationship with your teen is slipping away - and no matter what you try, the distance just grows. You're not alone. Especially for single parents of tweens and teens, the shift between sweet elementary school kids to conflict - heavy adolescence can feel like emotional whiplash. In this episode, therapist Katie K. May breaks down her 3-step Hierarchy of connection - a proven framework developed with working with hundreds of families struggling to re-build fractured parent-teen bonds.Learn the exact first step to reconnecting with a distant teen - without pushing conversation or pushing too hard. Discover how simple side-by-side activities can open the door to real emotional closeness.Understand why emotional mismatches between you and your teen may be blocking connection - and how to meet them where they are. Press play to discover a therapist - approved roadmap to reconnect with your teen - even if things feel tense and shut down right now. Find out more about Katie K. May and how to purchase her book 'You're on Fire, It's Fine' here

Meet Katie K. May and Shaelene Kite, the co-founders of Stabilize and Scale, where they help group practice owners make data-driven, values-aligned decisions. Together, they have supported over 60 six- and seven-figure practices in building sustainable systems, leading with clarity, and scaling without burnout. In this episode they share how they met on Facebook as DBT practice owners who became battle buddies during the pandemic. In developing their program they created a place for group practice owners to celebrate wins and successes while growing a group practice without overwhelm. They share the harsh realities they experienced along their journeys and how they stepped into leadership and help others do the same.Key Takeaways:-connect with people who are doing what you want to be doing-step into leadership and have systems documented with clear expectations-know your numbers-to be a successful group practice owner you have to want to lead people-your business is a mirror for your inner landscape-distance yourself from the life happiness of the people on your team-you rent employees, you do not own them-the business owners job is to keep the business going-employees are always going to choose themselves over the business-the more you let you the more you attractKatie and Shaelene's Links:Stabilize and ScaleNumbers Aren't NastyInstagram

Katie K. May, LPC, is the owner and executive director of Creative Healing. She is a national speaker and trainer specializing in therapy for teens experiencing depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. As one of only eleven Linehan board-certified Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) clinicians in Pennsylvania, Katie's an expert in this gold-standard treatment for life-threatening behaviors. She is committed to helping teens feel accepted for who they are while teaching them skills to build a life they love. In This EpisodeKatie's website Katie's book: You're On Fire It's Fineyoureonfireitsfine.comFacebookIG: @creative_healingIG: @katiemayLinkedInTikTok---If you'd like to support The Trauma Therapist Podcast and the work I do you can do that here with a monthly donation of $5, $7, or $10: Donate to The Trauma Therapist Podcast.Click here to join my email list and receive podcast updates and other news.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-trauma-therapist--5739761/support.

Hi Parents! This week, I had the pleasure of speaking with Katie K. May, a renowned teen therapist and an expert in DBT. Her work is transforming how teens manage their emotions and how parents can better support them. In our conversation, Katie shares practical strategies to help your teen manage emotional overwhelm and break free from rigid thinking patterns. She also provides expert guidance on building emotional resilience, understanding DBT, and fostering a supportive home environment. More about Katie: Katie K. May is a licensed therapist, national speaker, and trainer dedicated to helping parents and professionals transform teen emotions and behaviours. She's the founder of Creative Healing Teen Support Centres and a board-certified self-harm specialist. Known for her expertise in DBT, the gold-standard treatment for life-threatening behaviours, Katie is passionate about empowering teens to feel accepted for who they are while equipping them with the skills to create a life they love. She's also the author of You're on Fire, It's Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens with Self-Destructive Behaviors. This episode is packed with actionable insights and tools that you won't want to miss. I'm so excited for you to hear Katie's great advice! Big hugs, Monica Crnogorac Next Steps Book a Free Discovery Call Visit My Website for More Information on My 8-Week Program Connect With Me on Instagram

Say YES to Ringing in the New Year in Paris & VersaillesDecember 27th - January 2ndClick here for details!Parenting isn't one-size-fits-all, and in this heartfelt and deeply insightful episode, Wendy and guest Katie K. May explore the beauty and complexity of raising kids as unique as we are. Wendy shares her journey to motherhood after 24 years of waiting, contrasting it with Katie's surprise introduction to parenthood at 26. Together, they dive into the art of understanding and adapting to their children's individual needs—from raising introverts and ADHD brains to nurturing “fire feelers” who experience emotions with intense depth. Katie shares practical wisdom on fostering accurate self-esteem, setting meaningful limits over rigid rules, and helping our kids create a life that works for them rather than trying to fit into societal boxes. Along the way, they discuss the emotional journey of parenthood—grieving as our children grow and evolve, letting go of control, and building relationships rooted in mutual respect and understanding. This episode is packed with stories, actionable tips, and gentle reminders that it's never too late to reset your relationship with your child.About Katie:Katie K. May, LPC, owner and executive director of Creative Healing, is a national speaker and trainer specializing in therapy for teens with depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. As one of only eleven Linehan board-certified Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) clinicians in Pennsylvania, she's an expert in this gold-standard treatment for life-threatening behaviors. Katie is committed to helping teens feel accepted for who they are while teaching them skills to build a life they love. Connect with Katie:Get her book: You're On Fire, It's Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens with Self-Destructive Behaviors YoureOnFireItsFine.comOn Instagram @creative_healing & @katiekmayOn FacebookOn LinkedInOn TikTok @teensupportcenterReferenced in this Episode:The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine N. Aron ________________________________________________________________________________________ Say YES to joining Wendy for her:PWH Farm StaysPWH Curated France TripsInstagram: @phineaswrighthouseFacebook: Phineas Wright HouseWebsite: Phineas Wright HouseThank you for listening to the Say YES to yourself! podcast. It would mean the world if you would take one minute to follow, leave a 5-star review, and share with a friend.

After today's episode: head on over the @therapybookspodcast to learn about the latest giveaway. If you are enjoying these episodes, please leave us a 5-star review. *The information shared on this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Trigger Warning: In this episodes, we discuss self-destructive behaviors, self-harm and suicide. In this episode of What Your Therapist Is Reading, Jessica Fowler is joined by Katie K. May, LPC, to discuss her book You're on Fire, It's Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens with Self-Destructive Behaviors. Highlights include: What it means to be an "emotionally sensitive" teen  Self-destructive behaviors as coping mechanisms The importance of parental regulation Practical strategies for emotional regulation Building trust and communication About the author: Katie is the owner and executive director of Creative Healing, is a national speaker and trainer specializing in therapy for teens with depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. As one of only eleven Linehan board-certified Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) clinicians in Pennsylvania, she's an expert in this gold-standard treatment for life-threatening behaviors. Katie is committed to helping teens feel accepted for who they are while teaching them skills to build a life they love.

Katie K. May, LPC, owner and executive director of Creative Healing, is a national speaker and trainer  specializing in therapy for teens with depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. As one of only eleven Linehan board-certified Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) clinicians in Pennsylvania, she's an expert in this gold-standard treatment for life-threatening behaviors. Katie is committed to helping teens feel accepted for who they are while teaching them skills to build a life they love. Social Media HandlesFacebook:  https://www.facebook.com/creativehealingphillyInstagram:  https://www.instagram.com/creative_healing/Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/katiekmay/Linked In:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/katiekmay/Tik Tok:  https://www.tiktok.com/@teensupportcenterDownloads Webinar:  7 Truths for Stopping Teen Self-Destructive Behaviors https://www.youreonfireitsfine.com/7truthsFree Chapter Download:  You're On Fire, It's Fine https://www.youreonfireitsfine.com/chapterConnect and tag me at:https://www.instagram.com/realangelabradford/You can subscribe to my YouTube Channel herehttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDU9L55higX03TQgq1IT_qQFeel free to leave a review on all major platforms to help get the word out and change more lives!

Katie K. May, LPC, owner and executive director of Creative Healing, is a national speaker and trainer specializing in therapy for teens with depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. As one of only eleven Linehan board-certified Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) clinicians in Pennsylvania, she's an expert in this gold-standard treatment for life-threatening behaviors.  Katie is committed to helping teens feel accepted for who they are while teaching them skills to build a life they love.

Cast:Dr. Tara Egan - hostKatie K. May - guest expertDoes this sound anything like your experience parenting your teen?Yelling, pleading, enforcing strict rules, and giving in have proven ineffective. You've tried it all—along with tons of treatments and therapies—with no improvement.Our guest expert today, Katie K. May, LPC, DBT-LBC knows what you're going through. She also knows what your teen is going through because she lived it. She is here to discuss her best-selling book, You're on Fire, It's Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens with Self-Destructive Behaviors.  This is more than a book; it's a comprehensive approach for parents of teens overwhelmed by intense emotions.Tune in to learn:- How to help teens stop self-destructive behavior patterns- Cope better- How to be responsive to your kids - Signs of destructive behavior - The importance of creating a validating environment- What a Firefeeler is - And so much more!Discover how to see the world from your teen's perspective while decreasing your feelings of frustration and fear. Learn to stop emotional escalation and create a supportive home environment. Gain practical strategies to assist your teen in managing emotions effectively, preventing them from escalating into problematic behaviors. You're on Fire, It's Fine guides you in building a system that works for your whole family, setting every member up for lifelong success.For more information on Katie's best-selling book and her services go to, www.youreonfireitsfine.com or https://creativehealingphilly.com/For more information about Dr. Egan's services:Website -Dr. Tara Egan's child & adolescent therapy services, books, webinars, public speaking opportunities, and counseling/consultation services, Go HERE.Facebook - learn more HERE.YouTube - learn more HERE.Instagram - learn more HERE.Edited by Christian Fox

On this episode, I'm joined by Katie K. May, author of the bestselling book, You're on Fire, It's Fine. Katie shares her personal journey as a "troubled teen" and her subsequent career as a therapist specializing in teens with self-destructive behaviors.  She offers invaluable insights into parents' challenges when their teen is struggling, emphasizing the importance of understanding and validating their teen's experience. Topics discussed in this episode: How to create a supportive environment for your teen Practical strategies for understanding and validating your teen's experience How to support your teen, even when they resist help Underlying reasons behind self-destructive behaviors How to build a stronger parent-teen relationship through the "hierarchy of connection." Resources: You're On Fire, It's Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens with Self-Destructive Behaviors Creative Healing Katie's Instagram -- Join my free parent group⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Apply to work with me⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow me on Instagram

Summary Betrayal in relationships, discovering cheating, or realizing the person is not who you thought they were. All of these are painful relational experiences that can take quite the journey to recover from, but it doesn't have to be painful or long with the help of Accelerated Resolution Therapy. Key takeaways from the episode: Learn what betrayal trauma is and how it shows up in relationships Discover the emotional impact of betrayal trauma on your own sense of trust Understand the role of “Protector” for future betrayal Find out how Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) can address the root wounds and relieve traumatic responses. Katie K. May is a therapist, group practice owner, speaker, author, and consultant. As a Linehan Board-Certified Therapist and Master Accelerated Resolution Therapy Practitioner, her expertise shines in her work with depressed teens, the LGBTQ community, and parents dealing with the complex emotions surrounding their child's mental health challenges while reimagining their future.  Katie's deep passion lies in helping "black sheep," neurodivergent individuals, and those with traumatic backgrounds, find their sense of belonging. Together, she collaborates with her clients to create personalized coping strategies that empower them to navigate overwhelming emotions and build a life of connection and purpose. Noteworthy quotes from this episode: [07:44] "I can help my clients regulate and  restructure their beliefs about who they can trust and how they can trust themselves and really activate that self trust again and decrease the self blame." [31:00] "It is typical in betrayal trauma for your body to go into overdrive and to overcorrect. If you were trusting before, [you may] be completely untrusting as a way to protect yourself which is an extreme that is intended to protect you, but in fact, likely doesn't serve you at all." Connect with Katie Website: creativehealingphilly.com  Instagram: @creative_healing Facebook: facebook.com/creativehealingphilly TikTok: @teensupportcenter Connect with Paige Bond Instagram: @paigebondcoaching Facebook: @paigebondcoaching TikTok: @paigebondcoaching Website: https://paigebond.com Paige Bond hosts the Stubborn Love podcast, is a Licensed Marriage Therapist, and a Polyamory Relationship Coach. Her mission is to help people-pleasing millennials navigate non-monogamy so they can tame their jealousy and love with ease. Her own journey from feeling lonely, insecure, and jealous to feeling empowered and reassured is what fuels her passion to help other people-pleasers to conquer jealousy and embrace love. Free Jealousy Workbook:  ⁠⁠http://www.paigebond.com/calm-the-chaos-jealousy-workbook-download⁠⁠ Free People Pleasing Workbook:  ⁠⁠https://www.paigebond.com/people-pleasing-workbook⁠⁠ Disclaimer: This podcast and communication through our email are not meant to serve as professional advice or therapy. If you are in need of mental health support, you are encouraged to connect with a licensed mental health professional to receive the support needed. Mental Health Resources: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255SAMHSA's National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis counseling. Intro music by Coma-Media on ⁠⁠pixabay.com⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/stubbornlove/message

Private Practice Planning for the Future of Mental Healthcare: An Interview with Maureen Werrbach Curt and Katie interview Maureen Werrbach of the Group Practice Exchange on upcoming trends for mental healthcare. We talk about what is predicted, how to prepare your private practice for success in 2023, and how to plan for unexpected changes to our profession. Transcripts for this episode will be available at mtsgpodcast.com! An Interview with Maureen Werrbach, LCPC, The Group Practice Exchange Maureen Werrbach established The Group Practice Exchange after starting her private practice, Urban Wellness, and growing it into successful group practices in various locations. Spending countless hours researching how to start a private practice (the legal and procedural steps) and then so many more hours learning how to grow it into a group (again trying to figure out the appropriate steps), she remembers wishing there was a place that she could go, or a book that she could read, that would explain not only the steps it would take to launch a group practice, but also discuss topics that relate to group practice ownership. A degree in the social service field doesn't offer any training on the business side of running a group practice! Maureen learned through trial and error what works and what doesn't in running a counseling group practice. She enjoys helping others reach their full potential and feel confident in running their business. In this podcast episode, we talk about upcoming trends in Mental Health and what it means for your therapy practice We reached out to our friend Maureen Werrbach of the Group Practice Exchange about where our field is moving and how we can plan for success. The way therapy is provided and paid for will be changing "I feel like are going to be (or have already started) affecting our industry – outpatient private practice – is the shift, slow shift to values based reimbursement… which essentially is shifting away from a fee-for-service model that insurance companies now pay a certain dollar amount for sessions, to values-based reimbursement based off of values-based care (which insurance companies are going to be dictating what values based care is)… they're going to shift from this fee for service model of paying a flat amount per CPT code to a drastically reduced amount and then based off of the values-based care that you give, there can be additional reimbursements per session." – Maureen Werrbach, LCPC Insurance: Fee for service versus value-based pricing Large tech companies and one-stop shops Ease of access and diminished costs via telehealth What therapists can do to future-proof their practice "There's going to be an unfortunate consequence. You already have a therapist shortage. I believe that there's going to be a lot of people who close their doors because the business side of it becomes too difficult. And where my feedback is: start now – by any practice owner, solo or group – start now by dedicating even one hour a week to researching the future." – Maureen Werrbach, The Group Practice Exchange Strong niche and branding Doing what we do best Addressing fees, profit margins, hiring Dedicate time to researching upcoming trends Diversifying offerings Determining the best fit for your business, your career, your employment Special considerations for Group Practice Owners in 2023 The concerns related to large group therapist mills taking employees Focus on people, culture, and innovation Intentionality related to values, mission, vision Avoiding divisiveness and conflict between employers and employees The importance of transparency and clarity on how you've set up your practice Pathways for employees to grow and creative employment opportunities Resources for Modern Therapists mentioned in this Podcast Episode: We've pulled together resources mentioned in this episode and put together some handy-dandy links. Please note that some of the links below may be affiliate links, so if you purchase after clicking below, we may get a little bit of cash in our pockets. We thank you in advance! The Group Practice Exchange Membership The Group Practice Exchange Facebook Group Relevant Episodes of MTSG Podcast: Maureen's previous interview: Becoming a Group Practice Owner Fixing Mental Healthcare in America Beyond Reimagination: What is right (and wrong) with mental health apps Post Pandemic Practice All Things Group Therapy: An interview with Katie K. May, LPC Online Therapy Apps Who we are: Curt Widhalm, LMFT Curt Widhalm is in private practice in the Los Angeles area. He is the cofounder of the Therapy Reimagined conference, an Adjunct Professor at Pepperdine University and CSUN, a former Subject Matter Expert for the California Board of Behavioral Sciences, former CFO of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, and a loving husband and father. He is 1/2 great person, 1/2 provocateur, and 1/2 geek, in that order. He dabbles in the dark art of making "dad jokes" and usually has a half-empty cup of coffee somewhere nearby. Learn more at: www.curtwidhalm.com Katie Vernoy, LMFT Katie Vernoy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, coach, and consultant supporting leaders, visionaries, executives, and helping professionals to create sustainable careers. Katie, with Curt, has developed workshops and a conference, Therapy Reimagined, to support therapists navigating through the modern challenges of this profession. Katie is also a former President of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In her spare time, Katie is secretly siphoning off Curt's youthful energy, so that she can take over the world. Learn more at: www.katievernoy.com A Quick Note: Our opinions are our own. We are only speaking for ourselves – except when we speak for each other, or over each other. We're working on it. Our guests are also only speaking for themselves and have their own opinions. We aren't trying to take their voice, and no one speaks for us either. Mostly because they don't want to, but hey. Stay in Touch with Curt, Katie, and the whole Therapy Reimagined #TherapyMovement: Patreon Buy Me A Coffee Podcast Homepage Therapy Reimagined Homepage Facebook Twitter Instagram YouTube Consultation services with Curt Widhalm or Katie Vernoy: The Fifty-Minute Hour Connect with the Modern Therapist Community: Our Facebook Group – The Modern Therapists Group Modern Therapist's Survival Guide Creative Credits: Voice Over by DW McCann https://www.facebook.com/McCannDW/ Music by Crystal Grooms Mangano https://groomsymusic.com/

Private Practice Planning for the Future of Mental Healthcare: An Interview with Maureen Werrbach Curt and Katie interview Maureen Werrbach of the Group Practice Exchange on upcoming trends for mental healthcare. We talk about what is predicted, how to prepare your private practice for success in 2023, and how to plan for unexpected changes to our profession. Transcripts for this episode will be available at mtsgpodcast.com! An Interview with Maureen Werrbach, LCPC, The Group Practice Exchange Maureen Werrbach established The Group Practice Exchange after starting her private practice, Urban Wellness, and growing it into successful group practices in various locations. Spending countless hours researching how to start a private practice (the legal and procedural steps) and then so many more hours learning how to grow it into a group (again trying to figure out the appropriate steps), she remembers wishing there was a place that she could go, or a book that she could read, that would explain not only the steps it would take to launch a group practice, but also discuss topics that relate to group practice ownership. A degree in the social service field doesn't offer any training on the business side of running a group practice! Maureen learned through trial and error what works and what doesn't in running a counseling group practice. She enjoys helping others reach their full potential and feel confident in running their business. In this podcast episode, we talk about upcoming trends in Mental Health and what it means for your therapy practice We reached out to our friend Maureen Werrbach of the Group Practice Exchange about where our field is moving and how we can plan for success. The way therapy is provided and paid for will be changing ·      Insurance: Fee for service versus value-based pricing ·      Large tech companies and one-stop shops ·      Ease of access and diminished costs via telehealth What therapists can do to future-proof their practice ·      Strong niche and branding ·      Doing what we do best ·      Addressing fees, profit margins, hiring ·      Dedicate time to researching upcoming trends ·      Diversifying offerings ·      Determining the best fit for your business, your career, your employment Special considerations for Group Practice Owners in 2023 ·      The concerns related to large group therapist mills taking employees ·      Focus on people, culture, and innovation ·      Intentionality related to values, mission, vision ·      Avoiding divisiveness and conflict between employers and employees ·      The importance of transparency and clarity on how you've set up your practice ·      Pathways for employees to grow and creative employment opportunities Resources for Modern Therapists mentioned in this Podcast Episode: We've pulled together resources mentioned in this episode and put together some handy-dandy links. Please note that some of the links below may be affiliate links, so if you purchase after clicking below, we may get a little bit of cash in our pockets. We thank you in advance! The Group Practice Exchange Membership The Group Practice Exchange Facebook Group Relevant Episodes of MTSG Podcast: Maureen's previous interview: Becoming a Group Practice Owner Fixing Mental Healthcare in America Beyond Reimagination: What is right (and wrong) with mental health apps Post Pandemic Practice All Things Group Therapy: An interview with Katie K. May, LPC Online Therapy Apps Stay in Touch with Curt, Katie, and the whole Therapy Reimagined #TherapyMovement: Patreon Buy Me A Coffee Podcast Homepage Therapy Reimagined Homepage Facebook Twitter Instagram YouTube Modern Therapist's Survival Guide Creative Credits: Voice Over by DW McCann https://www.facebook.com/McCannDW/ Music by Crystal Grooms Mangano https://groomsymusic.com/

Welcome to the DBT Life, with your host Katie K May, licensed therapist, Owner of Creative Healing Teen Support Centers and empathic entrepreneur. Each episode we'll cover a new DBT skill and share true stories and real talk about how we are creating lives worth loving so you can too. Remember that podcasts are not a replacement for therapy so if you need more support, connect with us at creativehealingphilly.com.

Katie K. May shares scripts and examples for increasing healthy behaviors to pave the way for autonomous teens who become healthy and independent adults. To learn more about DBT, please visit www.creativehealingphilly.com

Do your teenage years live in the back of your mind as you try to parent your teens? Sometimes we can't help but be led by our upbringing. There are two different routes we can take as adults, we can try to suppress what we went through, or we can choose to talk about the things that need discussing. Katie May and I are diving into what this looks like and more. Here are three reasons why you want to listen to the full episode: Validation from speaking your truth Feel your feelings Coming full circle and respecting your teen Full Show Notes Here Connect with Katie Instagram Become a Group Guru Connect with Shaelene Instagram Website Thank you for taking the space we need to talk about the things that need discussing. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give me a 5-star, and leave a review to tell me how this show resonated with your life. Follow me on Instagram, and feel free to send me a message introducing yourself! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/t-talk-with-shaelene/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/t-talk-with-shaelene/support

Katie K. May discusses how she leads weekly team consult groups in her group practice.

Katie K. May discusses her monthly free parent workshops.

Education Live Thursday – Every week – Updates on topics in Education and Academic Tips. This week, our guest is Katie K. May is the Owner and Clinical Director of Creative Healing, a Teen Support Center with 3 locations in the Greater Philadelphia area: Flourtown, King of Prussia and Philadelphia. Their team of teen specialists […] The post EP 109 Creative Healing with Katie K May appeared first on Make The Grade.

All Things Group Therapy An interview with Katie K. May, of Become a Group Guru, about creating effective therapy groups. Curt and Katie talk with Katie May about the clinical elements of group creation as well as the business elements that support effective groups. We look at screening, developing the group container, and curriculum considerations. It's time to reimagine therapy and what it means to be a therapist. To support you as a whole person and a therapist, your hosts, Curt Widhalm and Katie Vernoy talk about how to approach the role of therapist in the modern age. Interview with Katie K. May, LPC, The Group Guru Katie K. May is a licensed therapist and online course creator. She helps therapists market and fill groups and online group programs so that they can scale their impact and increase their income, without adding more hours in the office. To learn more and gain access to free trainings and resources to generate new clients like magic, visit www.becomeagroupguru.com In this episode we talk about: Building and running therapy groups Why therapists wait too long to build their therapy groups The challenge of knowing when to actually start a group Language to use in marketing a group you've not started The different types of groups you can provide The importance of aligning your client and your curriculum How to create your own curriculum The group container that is built The anxiety that many therapists face when looking to develop a group How group therapy can align with treatment goals How to talk with your individual therapy clients to move into group Overcoming imposter syndrome when moving into providing group therapy Innovative ways to start to develop group norms, goals, and cohesion The skills we have from other elements of being a therapist that we can use within group Different activity ideas that support group members talking to each other Screening criteria for inclusion and exclusion How to navigate clients who may not be appropriate for group, or may show up differently in the group versus how they show up for initial screening Navigating to online group therapy during the pandemic Consciously talking about how to be together online Looking at the logistics of telehealth groups (i.e., platforms that work for groups) How to start a group – clarity on who the group is for, what group members are experiencing, and what outcomes are you offering Providing group to your individual clients How to assess interest for group Different ways to learn about doing group and the power of learning by doing Our Generous Sponsors: GreenOak Accounting If you love dreaming about growing your practice, but you feel a disconnect between where you are now and where you want to be, check out GreenOak Accounting. You went to school to become a therapist, not an accountant! Your time is much better spent doing what you love–and not crunching numbers. That's where GreenOak Accounting comes in! They specialize in working with private practices just like yours, so you can reclaim precious hours each week! They can help with all your accounting needs like bookkeeping, budgeting, forecasting, payroll and even assist with implementing Profit First. If you are interested in freeing up your schedule for more clients, or just getting back time for yourself, go to greenoakaccounting.com to schedule a free, no obligation consultation today. You can also check out our podcast, Therapy for Your Money, hosted by GreenOak Accounting owner Julie Herres. CPH & Associates CPH & Associates is an insurance company that specializes in professional liability insurance for mental health professionals. We currently insure over 100,000 mental health professionals throughout the United States. We can insure you throughout your professional career starting with your student practicum, through your post masters internship, and on to practicing with your professional license. With up-to-date legal resources and exceptional customer service, CPH protects your career against a grievance from a regulatory board, claim, or lawsuit. Because our business is specialized, we are able to focus on your liability needs in a way that bigger companies are not. We are able to serve a large client base while maintaining a small-office approach. With options to add General Liability, Cyber Liability, and coverage for your LLC or corporation, a policy with CPH is tailored specifically to meet your liability needs. Policy holders are encouraged to take advantage of our Attorney Avoiding Liability Helpline, providing two free hours of attorney consultation per year for situations with a client that could result in a claim or lawsuit. With our online application and renewal process, real-time online policy change capabilities and knowledgeable customer service, we continue to keep our customers' needs a priority! Get a quote and apply online to receive proof of coverage within minutes at cphins.com Resources mentioned: We've pulled together resources mentioned in this episode and put together some handy-dandy links. Please note that some of the links below may be affiliate links, so if you purchase after clicking below, we may get a little bit of cash in our pockets. We thank you in advance! Katie K May's Website: Become A Group Guru The Fill Your Group FAST Workshop Irwin Yalom – The Theory and Practice of Group Therapy Zoom Healthcare Google Meet through G-Suite (make sure to get a BAA) Relevant Episodes: Who Gets to Have Therapy Therapy of Tomorrow Connect with us! Our Facebook Group – The Modern Therapists Group Get Notified About Therapy Reimagined Conferences Our consultation services: The Fifty-Minute Hour Who we are: Curt Widhalm is in private practice in the Los Angeles area. He is the cofounder of the Therapy Reimagined conference, an Adjunct Professor at Pepperdine University and CSUN, a former Subject Matter Expert for the California Board of Behavioral Sciences, former CFO of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, and a loving husband and father. He is 1/2 great person, 1/2 provocateur, and 1/2 geek, in that order. He dabbles in the dark art of making "dad jokes" and usually has a half-empty cup of coffee somewhere nearby. Learn more at: www.curtwidhalm.com Katie Vernoy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, coach, and consultant supporting leaders, visionaries, executives, and helping professionals to create sustainable careers. Katie, with Curt, has developed workshops and a conference, Therapy Reimagined, to support therapists navigating through the modern challenges of this profession. Katie is also Past President of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In her spare time, Katie is secretly siphoning off Curt's youthful energy, so that she can take over the world. Learn more at: www.katievernoy.com A Quick Note: Our opinions are our own. We are only speaking for ourselves – except when we speak for each other, or over each other. We're working on it. Our guests are also only speaking for themselves and have their own opinions. We aren't trying to take their voice, and no one speaks for us either. Mostly because they don't want to, but hey. Stay in Touch: www.mtsgpodcast.com www.therapyreimagined.com Our Facebook Group – The Modern Therapist's Group https://www.facebook.com/therapyreimagined/ https://twitter.com/therapymovement https://www.instagram.com/therapyreimagined/ Credits: Voice Over by DW McCann https://www.facebook.com/McCannDW/ Music by Crystal Grooms Mangano http://www.crystalmangano.com/

All Things Group Therapy An interview with Katie K. May, of Become a Group Guru, about creating effective therapy groups. Curt and Katie talk with Katie May about the clinical elements of group creation as well as the business elements that support effective groups. We look at screening, developing the group container, and curriculum considerations.     It’s time to reimagine therapy and what it means to be a therapist. To support you as a whole person and a therapist, your hosts, Curt Widhalm and Katie Vernoy talk about how to approach the role of therapist in the modern age. Interview with Katie K. May, LPC, The Group Guru Katie K. May is a licensed therapist and online course creator.  She helps therapists market and fill groups and online group programs so that they can scale their impact and increase their income, without adding more hours in the office.  To learn more and gain access to free trainings and resources to generate new clients like magic, visit www.becomeagroupguru.com In this episode we talk about: Building and running therapy groups Why therapists wait too long to build their therapy groups The challenge of knowing when to actually start a group Language to use in marketing a group you’ve not started The different types of groups you can provide The importance of aligning your client and your curriculum How to create your own curriculum The group container that is built The anxiety that many therapists face when looking to develop a group How group therapy can align with treatment goals How to talk with your individual therapy clients to move into group Overcoming imposter syndrome when moving into providing group therapy Innovative ways to start to develop group norms, goals, and cohesion The skills we have from other elements of being a therapist that we can use within group Different activity ideas that support group members talking to each other Screening criteria for inclusion and exclusion How to navigate clients who may not be appropriate for group, or may show up differently in the group versus how they show up for initial screening Navigating to online group therapy during the pandemic Consciously talking about how to be together online Looking at the logistics of telehealth groups (i.e., platforms that work for groups) How to start a group – clarity on who the group is for, what group members are experiencing, and what outcomes are you offering Providing group to your individual clients How to assess interest for group Different ways to learn about doing group and the power of learning by doing Our Generous Sponsors: GreenOak Accounting If you love dreaming about growing your practice, but you feel a disconnect between where you are now and where you want to be, check out GreenOak Accounting. You went to school to become a therapist, not an accountant! Your time is much better spent doing what you love–and not crunching numbers. That’s where GreenOak Accounting comes in! They specialize in working with private practices just like yours, so you can reclaim precious hours each week! They can help with all your accounting needs like bookkeeping, budgeting, forecasting, payroll and even assist with implementing Profit First. If you are interested in freeing up your schedule for more clients, or just getting back time for yourself, go to greenoakaccounting.com to schedule a free, no obligation consultation today. You can also check out our podcast, Therapy for Your Money, hosted by GreenOak Accounting owner Julie Herres. CPH & Associates CPH & Associates is an insurance company that specializes in professional liability insurance for mental health professionals. We currently insure over 100,000 mental health professionals throughout the United States. We can insure you throughout your professional career starting with your student practicum, through your post masters internship, and on to practicing with your professional license. With up-to-date legal resources and exceptional customer service, CPH protects your career against a grievance from a regulatory board, claim, or lawsuit. Because our business is specialized, we are able to focus on your liability needs in a way that bigger companies are not. We are able to serve a large client base while maintaining a small-office approach. With options to add General Liability, Cyber Liability, and coverage for your LLC or corporation, a policy with CPH is tailored specifically to meet your liability needs. Policy holders are encouraged to take advantage of our Attorney Avoiding Liability Helpline, providing two free hours of attorney consultation per year for situations with a client that could result in a claim or lawsuit. With our online application and renewal process, real-time online policy change capabilities and knowledgeable customer service, we continue to keep our customers’ needs a priority! Get a quote and apply online to receive proof of coverage within minutes at cphins.com Resources mentioned: We’ve pulled together resources mentioned in this episode and put together some handy-dandy links. Please note that some of the links below may be affiliate links, so if you purchase after clicking below, we may get a little bit of cash in our pockets. We thank you in advance! Katie K May’s Website: Become A Group Guru The Fill Your Group FAST Workshop Irwin Yalom – The Theory and Practice of Group Therapy Zoom Healthcare Google Meet through G-Suite (make sure to get a BAA) Relevant Episodes: Who Gets to Have Therapy Therapy of Tomorrow Connect with us! Our Facebook Group – The Modern Therapists Group Get Notified About Therapy Reimagined Conferences  Our consultation services: The Fifty-Minute Hour Who we are: Curt Widhalm is in private practice in the Los Angeles area. He is the cofounder of the Therapy Reimagined conference, an Adjunct Professor at Pepperdine University and CSUN, a former Subject Matter Expert for the California Board of Behavioral Sciences, former CFO of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, and a loving husband and father. He is 1/2 great person, 1/2 provocateur, and 1/2 geek, in that order. He dabbles in the dark art of making "dad jokes" and usually has a half-empty cup of coffee somewhere nearby. Learn more at: www.curtwidhalm.com Katie Vernoy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, coach, and consultant supporting leaders, visionaries, executives, and helping professionals to create sustainable careers. Katie, with Curt, has developed workshops and a conference, Therapy Reimagined, to support therapists navigating through the modern challenges of this profession. Katie is also Past President of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In her spare time, Katie is secretly siphoning off Curt's youthful energy, so that she can take over the world. Learn more at: www.katievernoy.com A Quick Note: Our opinions are our own. We are only speaking for ourselves – except when we speak for each other, or over each other. We’re working on it. Our guests are also only speaking for themselves and have their own opinions. We aren’t trying to take their voice, and no one speaks for us either. Mostly because they don’t want to, but hey.   Stay in Touch: www.mtsgpodcast.com www.therapyreimagined.com Our Facebook Group – The Modern Therapist’s Group https://www.facebook.com/therapyreimagined/ https://twitter.com/therapymovement https://www.instagram.com/therapyreimagined/   Credits: Voice Over by DW McCann https://www.facebook.com/McCannDW/ Music by Crystal Grooms Mangano http://www.crystalmangano.com/

Many of us have moments when we feel we don’t fit in—or that probably no one would understand us. In this episode of Woman Worriers, host Elizabeth Cush interviews Katie K. May about her work with teens, her own healing journey and the role that groups play in both.

Katie K. May is a licensed therapist and online course creator. She helps therapists market and fill groups and online group programs so that they can scale their impact and increase their income, without adding more hours in the office.     To learn more and gain access to free trainings and resources to generate new clients like magic, visit www.becomeagroupguru.com

In this episode we get to hear from Katie K. May and her tips on success and productivity! This is a new series where we have fun, smart people answer the same 10 questions. We think you will love it. You can find out more about Katie and her multiple amazing businesses right here: Creative Healing Group Guru This episode features music from the San Francisco based band Pomplamoose, doing a wonderful cover of the song Feel it Still by Portugal. The Man. 

One of the best ways for a private practice to quickly attract new clients is through pay-per-click advertising on Facebook. However, if not managed correctly pay-per-click advertising can quickly become quite expensive. In this episode, Katie K. May of Become A Group Guru joins us to share her tips on how to maximize the return on your investment and make sure you are attracting your ideal client.  The post Fall Into Cash 2019: Using Pay-Per-Click Advertising on Facebook to Grow Your Practice appeared first on BrighterVision.com.

Overview: Today, we will be talking GROUPS with Katie K. May of Creative Healing Philly. Katie K. May is a DBT Certified, Licensed Therapist for Teens in Pennsylvania.  She specializes in running groups for teens who experience anxiety, depression and self-harm behaviors, with a passion is helping clients learn to express and cope with overwhelming emotions in healthy ways so that they can move forward in life EMPOWERED and able to create their own path to happiness. What We’ll Learn: Katie and I discuss the ways that our group connections help us to build a life we want to celebrate. Katie shares some top tips for connecting in group therapy, below, and debunks some myths about getting started with groups. Katie’s Top Tips: +Our interpersonal relationships are one of the most powerful predictors of both our mental and physical health.  People are happier and healthier, with lower rates of depression and greater overall happiness when they are connected socially. +Take advantage of the "social brain!"  We are by nature social creatures and are strongly influenced by what happens around us in our world.  Be mindful of whom you surround yourself with and the choices these people are making as you are likely being swayed by their thoughts and behaviors too. +Practicing gratitude for the people in your lives, how they have impacted you and why they are important to you can help you feel more connected and accepted socially.  Each day reflect on something you appreciate about your loved ones and what you appreciate about this person.  At the end of the week, find some way to connect face-to-face to express this gratitude and notice how your own mood improves as a result. You can access Katie through her website at www.creativehealingphilly.com  I would love to hear what thoughts you have about the ways groups can help you celebrate your life! Be sure to share with us in our social media communities listed below so we can celebrate with you! Facebook: www.facebook.com/drsallynazari Twitter: www.twitter.com/chrysalisdoc Thank you for tuning in. You can also Subscribe to auto-download new podcast episodes to your Apple or Android device. After you listen to a few episodes, please consider leaving an honest rating and review of how the podcast has helped your transformation journey. This helps the information reach more of the people who are going through the same journey. Be sure to get an intro to Mindfulness with my cheat sheet and bonus audio sample here: http://www.subscribepage.com/w6h6i6

In Episode 67 Therapy Chat host Laura Reagan, LCSW-C interviews therapist and group specialist Katie K. May, a licensed professional counselor in the Philadelphia area who also calls herself the “Group Guru” because she loves running groups and teaching therapists how to effectively plan and market their groups. Katie talks about how therapeutic groups are different from individual therapy and why she loves offering groups in her practice. If you’re a therapist, this episode will likely inspire you to offer more groups, and if you are someone who is interested in continuing your therapeutic journey by participating in groups, hopefully you will have found inspiration.   As always, please visit iTunes to leave a rating and review and subscribe to Therapy Chat so you will receive the latest episodes as soon as they’re released!   Find Katie May’s info on growing groups for therapists here: http://katiekmay.com   Sign up for information about Laura Reagan’s Daring Way™ groups beginning in March, 2017 here: http://www.laurareaganlcswc.com/groupsandintensives/   Learn more about Laura Reagan’s Trauma Therapist Community: http://laurareaganlcswc.com/join/   Therapy Chat website: http://therapychatpodcast.com   Visit iTunes to leave a rating and review of Therapy Chat: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/therapy-chat-psychotherapy/id1031099411?mt=2      

How Children Are Like Horses (And Why You Should Care)   If you have been listening to Therapy Chat podcast lately, you know that I have been talking about using equine assisted psychotherapy and education methods to get in touch with our emotional experiences. In Episode 55 I described my own experience of making a deep soul connection in a barn when I spent a Saturday morning at an equine learning workshop with four other women and two horses. That changed me and I am still feeling it, weeks later. I can’t wait to do more – and I will in a couple weeks when I trek to the Hudson Valley for a beautiful Equine Retreat for Therapists and Healers offered by my friends and colleagues Rebecca Wong and Marisa Goudy.   Then in Episode 56 I interviewed Charlotte Hiler Easley, an LCSW and Equine Specialist in Lexington, Kentucky who developed a model called Equine Assisted Survivors of Trauma Therapy that is being used with survivors of sexual assault to experientially teach safety in our bodies, to see what it feels like to set and hold boundaries, and to take care of ourselves in relationship – as well as allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and risk trusting another who may hurt us. This experiential work with survivors of trauma sounds very powerful to me, as someone who has worked for years with trauma survivors; and as someone who has recently had a life-changing experience with horses.   In hearing about Charlotte’s work and after my own experience I realized there are some similarities between children and horses which are very relevant to the therapy work I do with my clients. It might seem like a strange connection, but stay with me. I’m going to tell you about three ways that children are like horses and why you should care.   As I explained in episode 55 and the blog post that went with it – this information comes from the EAGALA website - equine-assisted psychotherapy and learning works for these reasons:   “Because horses are prey animals, they rely on non-verbal cues to stay alive. Their lives depend on accurately reading these cues.” Horses learn from their interactions with us whether or not we are safe, which lets them know if they are safe. Children do the same thing. They read our body language more than our words.   “Like humans, horses are social creatures who live in herds.”We humans are wired for connection, as Brené Brown frequently says. It goes back to attachment. Children need protection and care from the adults they depend on for survival. When a baby is born that child is completely helpless and dependent upon their caregivers for protection. Safety to a newborn baby means being given food, sheltered from the elements and being held and soothed. Physical safety is being protected from harm; emotional safety is “will you be there when I need you? Do you care about what I need?”   “Horses know when what we are saying and doing don't match what we are feeling and sensing, even though we might not know. They reflect back to us what we are feeling and sensing, or the incongruence between our feelings, sensations, words and actions, even (especially) when it's outside of our conscious awareness." Children also notice incongruence between our words and our non-verbal cues. Children know when a parent says they are not mad but they really are. They know when a parent is crying, but says nothing is wrong, that it isn’t true. Why do they pay attention to this? It’s part of how they make sure they are safe. If their primary caregiver isn’t okay, then they aren’t okay, because who will take care of them if something happens to the primary caregiver?   Okay, so I’ve made my case for children being like horses in three ways, but why should you care? Well, you should care if you are a parent because it’s important to understand what your children need in order to thrive. (Click here to listen to Episode 21 on raising well-adjusted children). And you should care even if you aren’t a parent because you were once a child! Yeah, but that was in the past, right? Not so fast! Attachment affects us throughout the lifespan. It shows up in our peer relationships, intimate partner relationships, in our interactions with our coworkers, supervisors and supervisees and it affects how we feel about ourselves in general.   The attachment that develops between a child and their primary caregiver begins immediately at birth. It continues to develop, with the most intense period of attachment development happening between birth and age 3. As I mentioned, children depend upon the attachment with their primary caregivers for survival.   However, attachment repair can happen throughout the lifespan, so even if there was a disruption to secure attachment between the child and the primary caregiver, in most cases it is not too late to change this. In the worst cases of child neglect, in which children are deprived of touch and verbal interaction with their primary caregivers, brain development can be severely impacted. Studies have found a connection between severe child neglect and reduced brain size and changes to structures of the brain using brain scans for side-by-side comparison. You can learn more about this at Dr. Bruce Perry’s Child Trauma Academy, which is found at www.childtrauma.org.   In Episode 46 of Therapy Chat I talked with Julie Hanks about how assertiveness is influenced by attachment. In future episodes you’re going to hear a lot more about attachment and trauma. Our next episode will kick off the series on attachment and trauma with an interview with Amy Sugeno, LCSW. Amy is in private practice in Texas, where she specializes in helping people who have experienced childhood trauma, including adoption. Later in the series you’ll hear from Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW; Rebecca Wong, LCSW-R; Brittainy Wagner, LPC; Katie K. May, NCC; David Emerson of the Trauma Center at JRI; David Shannahoff-Khalsa of the UCSD Center for Integrative Medicine; Robert Cox, PLPC and many others. I hope you’ll enjoy this series on a subject which I personally find fascinating. The more I learn, the more I realize the way we show up in our lives is all about attachment.   I can’t wait to share these episodes with you over the coming months. Thank you for listening to Therapy Chat today! I hope you have heard something useful. I’d love to hear your feedback! What do you like, what do you not like? Is there a topic you would like to hear discussed on Therapy Chat? Get in touch with me! Visit http://therapychatpodcast.com and leave a message for me using the green button you’ll see there. And please visit iTunes to leave a rating and review and subscribe to receive all the latest episodes of Therapy Chat! You can find all episodes on the website, and Therapy Chat is also on iHeartRadio, Google Play, Stitcher and YouTube.