Podcasts about marriage prayer

Send us a textIn this powerful episode of Marriage Mondays with The Kings, we dive deep into the biblical truth of Proverbs 18:22 – "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord."

Send Us A MessageNaa Oyoo is a home chef and great food curator who has been very vocal about motherhood, her divorce and her passion for food. She is an award winning blogger and was at a point, working with Tullow Oil. Naa unleashed on this episode!Support the showFollow Us - IG - https://instagram.com/imld.podTwitter - https://twitter.com/imldpodFacebook - https://facebook.com/IMLDPodTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@imld.podAnd do subscribe to our YouTube channel here - https://youtube.com/@IfMoreLetsDivide

In this podcast, Charbel Raish sits down with the founders of the Avila Institute, Dan & Stephanie Burke. They discuss how they met, their conversion testimonies, what is prayer and explain about the work that they do with the Avila Institute. They also run an apostolate called spiritualdirection.com __________________________ Avila Institute: https://avila-institute.org/ __________________________ Join the Parousia mailing list at https://www.parousiamedia.com/mailing Parousia is committed to proclaiming the fullness of truth! If you wish to help us in our mission with a donation please visit our website here: https://www.parousiamedia.com/donate/  to learn ways that you can contribute.

In today's episode, I have the honor of hosting Jennifer and Aaron Smith, hosts of the Marriage After God podcast. We dive into the power of prayer -- specifically in marriage. With saying "I do" comes highs and lows in life and in your relationship. One thing that holds true is the power of God that can move in you and through you as a unit when you seek the Lord together. Reasons to Listen In Today:Specific prayers to pray togetherHow to pray for an unbelieving spouseHow prayer fortifies your marriageHow prayer can deepen intimacy together in marriagePractical tools and daily prayers to establish prayer habitsReasoning Through the BibleReasoning Through the Bible is an expository style walk through the BibleListen on: Apple Podcasts SpotifySupport the showInstagramTikTokYouTubePinterestTwitterLemon8 Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Chiseled and Called. Please subscribe, leave a rating/review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and be sure to come back soon for more episodes. I hope you have a beautiful, blessed day!

IntroductionIn this episode, we explore the power of understanding in marriage, focusing on the moments of vulnerability that allow us to truly know each other. We discuss the importance of delicate conversations that lead to understanding, reconciliation, or change. Join us as we share insights on how to handle these conversations for the sake of unity in marriage.Sponsor: Marriage After God Patron TeamThis episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team. These individuals have chosen to pay it forward and help financially support this show. To join, please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron. Also, sign up for our free daily prayer email at marriageprayerchallenge.com.Topic: Understanding vs Agreement in MarriageThe Importance of UnderstandingWe delve into the concept of understanding in marriage, highlighting how it fosters empathy and builds connection, even without agreement. We discuss the difference between understanding and agreement, and how understanding can lead to trust, respect, and a stronger bond in marriage.Practical Application: How to Practice Saying "I Understand"We share practical tips on how to practice saying "I understand", including active listening, validating feelings, and speaking with love and respect. We also discuss how to navigate disagreements, find common ground, and maintain peace in the relationship.The Role of Prayer in Promoting UnderstandingWe discuss the importance of praying for understanding, patience, and wisdom in marriage. Prayer can dissolve initial tension, provide a heavenly perspective, and keep us humble.ConclusionUnderstanding is a powerful tool in marriage. It allows us to truly know each other, navigate delicate conversations, and maintain unity. We encourage listeners to practice saying "I understand" and truly seek to understand before disagreeing in their marriage.

If you clicked on this marvelous guided subconscious meditation, then you are ready to meet the soul that is perfect for you, and you are perfect for them, and you shall be able to love each other supernaturally as you continue your journey through life. Let me be the first to tell you congratulations, my powerful and magnetic friend, you are ready to meet your heaven made spouse! Life becomes infinitely better the moment you begin sharing it with the soul that perfectly matches yours. In addition to this marvelous subconscious meditation harnessing the unlimited ability of your subconscious mind, these words are also a prayer to guide your actions towards meeting your soul's perfect match. You are declaring yourself ready to meet a love that is made in heaven. Declaring yourself ready is an important first step. In this meditation, you are also giving thanks to The Creator for the physical manifestation of what is already permanently joined together in heaven. Why do you want to meet your heaven made spouse? There are too many reasons to count: ● Your heaven made spouse is the wonderful soul perfectly designed for you by The Creator. In other words, you have an eternal, supernatural covenant with this person that receives The Creator's supernatural blessing and protection throughout time. ● You are able to love this wonderful soul without any fear or doubt. ● Your relationship's longevity is guaranteed by The Creator, and the whole of Creation shall do all it is able to support you both in loving one another perfectly. ● You are able to release any fears of abandonment because your heaven made spouse shall never leave you. ● You are able to release any fears of infidelity because your heaven made love shall never be disloyal to you. This wonderful soul is designed to aid your soul's ascension and assist you in becoming the person you believe yourself most capable of becoming. Your heaven made spouse is a dream accelerator because they shall agree that your dreams are possible, and agree with you that you shall reach your dream destination. I could go on. My friends, this wonderful soul is designed to help you and not hurt you, and once you are ready, you WANT to meet them. How do you know you are ready? Only you and your soul know the answer. However, if you clicked on this wonderful, guided meditation, then I agree with you that you are ready to meet them in person. To receive the maximum benefit from this marvelous subconscious treatment, I suggest using this as a sleep meditation for at least 8 consecutive nights. Thirty days is normally recommended. However, 8 nights is a sufficient amount of time to plant the subconscious seed and demonstrate your faith to The Creator of your readiness to be placed upon the path of your soul's perfect match. Your heaven made spouse is designed to help you and your soul wants you to meet them. Once a personality begins to shine through your imagination, consider this an assist from your marvelous subconscious mind and Creation to let you know the framework for your person exists, and that you have supernatural help to meet your supernatural love. Here is the subconscious treatment. It is a slight modification of a Florence Scovel Shinn affirmation: My soul, my subconscious mind, I am ready to meet my Heaven Made Spouse. I give thanks that the marriage made for me in heaven is now made manifest upon the Earth. Two just became one. Now, and for all eternity. Thank you, I AM THAT I AM. Thank you, my marvelous subconscious mind. And so it is. My friends, affirming these words once changes both of your lives forever. Saying these words aloud one time begins your beautiful journey and points your footsteps in the direction of the love perfectly designed for you, and their footsteps towards the love that is perfectly designed for them. #love #florencescovelshinn #life --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mindoftheprophet/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mindoftheprophet/support

Lisa and I continue our conversation on praying for one another. I consider the struggles we have with counting votes, how Noah found favor with God and more.

Lisa and I discuss how we pray for each other. Plus, is Christianity a religion or relationship? We consider Elon Musk's purchase of Twitter and in In the Beginning we consider the meaning of "the Sons of God." Finally, in Good News we begin our look at the beattitudes.

Tobit Chapter 8

You've received the promise, now it's time to partner with God in prayer for it!! This is a detailed prayer the Kingdom Marriage and Husband that God has for you. Listen to/recite it as often as Holy Spirit leads you to! xoxo --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/dyanineves/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/dyanineves/support

Bible Verse of the Day And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me. – Ruth 1:16-17 KJV __________________________________ But Ruth replied, “Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” – Ruth 1:16-17 NIV

Bible Verse of the Day A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness. - Proverbs 15:1-2, KJV ___________________________________ A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. - Proverbs 15:1-2, NIV

Bible Verse of the Day This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. – Psalm 118:24, KJV _________________________________ The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad. – Psalm 118:24, NIV

We are on the final week of our Faith & Marriage Series here on Hearts & Stripes podcast.  In this episode I share how prayer can impact you thriving personally, in your marriage and with your legacy.  I even get transparent with sharing my prayer for marriages as it aligns with the God's picture of marriage that is outlined in the Word.  Yup, I was super nervous about sharing a prayer on the podcast, but if it blesses just one person then it was totally worth the knot in my stomach and momentary discomfort. Top Takeaways: Establish a prayer practice and faith relationship for yourself Pray together as a couple to grow closer to God as you grow closer to one another Start a legacy of faith through prayer with your family and friends Prayer For Marriage: My prayer for marriage is that we would each see marriage as another gift. An opportunity to draw nearer to God in His mission to be glorified and point others toward Himself. That we would embrace the chance to be sanctified, becoming more like Christ, because of the differences and challenges with our spouse. Growing our dependence on and likeness  of Jesus every day. I pray our marriages would be so bizarrely unified (not perfect), fresh, and partnered with both our eyes on Christ that the world is drawn to ask "what are you looking at?" So that we, as 2 made 1, can reply with honor regarding the good news that brought us peace and core reason for our hope and ability to truly love one another. Scripture Reference: 1 Peter 3:15 and 1 John 4:19 Thank you Crystal for submitting this prayer!  Be sure to connect with her. IG:  @crystalcnvrstnsllc  FB:  Crystal McFadden, LPC - Resiliency Communicator  Full name:  Crystal McFadden, LPC   Bree's Prayer Scripture References: Ephesians 4:2-3 Colossians 3:14 Ecclesiastes 4:9 Ephesians 5:25-33   Access a full list of Military Marriage resources  visit https://www.militarymarriageday.com/resources For more on Military Marriage Day, survey information and the Military Marriage Resource Hub visit: https://www.militarymarriageday.com IG https://www.instagram.com/militarymarriageday/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/militarymarriageday   Today's Heart Track Great Are You Lord by All Sons & Daughters Listen to our Heart Tracks II playlist on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6ymOG8ArepaBYgIqCe4vmisi=7cbbfc02b0484f67   Let's Connect: Join us in the Hearts & Stripes Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/heartsstripes To get even more on Hearts & Stripes podcast, resources, coaching and more head to https://www.breecarroll.com Connects with Bree on IG https://www.instagram.com/itsbreecarroll Connect with Bree on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/itsbreecarroll

What does it mean for a woman to be submissive to her husband? How can you create a culture of prayer in your marriage and in your home? Catholic author and speaker Brooke Taylor joins Trending with Timmerie and discusses maintaining a strong marriage when there is a disability diagnosis. Should spouses have separate social […]

What does it mean for a woman to be submissive to her husband? How can you create a culture of prayer in your marriage and in your home? Catholic author and speaker Brooke Taylor joins Trending with Timmerie and discusses maintaining a strong marriage when there is a disability diagnosis. Should spouses have separate social […] All show notes at Marriage: Prayer, Fidelity & Social Media - This podcast produced by Relevant Radio

Summary:On this installment of The Tragedy Academy, Jay is joined by two good friends, Andre and his makeup artist wife, Niki. Together, they break down the barrier of race, stereotypes, and social conditioning and bring about a fresh, realistic perspective.Key Points:

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. – 1 Peter 5:8-9, KJV __________________________ Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. – 1 Peter 5:8-9, NIV

A marriage prayer to restore trust --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast, Hosts Travis and Dawn Rosinger discuss the importance of building guardrails around your marriage. They specifically focus on how prayer is one of the most important guardrails and what it does to help protect your marriage.

007:  In this episode, I will share with you about a prayer that I came across in a book. I will go through this prayer and what I added to it for my personal prayer for my wife along with scripture that will help your marriage grow stronger, more passionate and intimate as you prayer for your wife every day.0:45 - Book "Bond of Brothers" by Wes Yoder1:50 - "Prayer produces intimacy" quote by Dr. Edwin Louis Cole2:51 - Romans 7:2 5:39 - Psalms 140:136:17 - Matthew 6:336:55 - Ecclesiastes 4;127:07 - Colossians 3:157:27 - Genesis 2:248:19 - Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7,811:21 - Matthew 13: 44,4512:53 - Ephesians 5:2513:49 - Book "Leadership Awakening" by Doug Stringer - "While men reach for thrones to build their own kingdoms, Jesus reached for a towel to wash men's feet."14:53 - 1 Corinthians 17:16I am an affiliate with Amazon and do get a % of the sale, but here is Amazon Affiliate Links for products:Bond of Brothers - https://amzn.to/2ZZoe4eLeadership Awakening - https://amzn.to/3cn2CkSLink to free copy of The Marriage Prayer:https://the318project.ck.page/f38ea87517

R' YY Jacobson Full lecture: https://www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=102172 For more stories, please visit www.storiestoinspire.org To purchase our new book, please visit www.flashesofinspiration.org For a limited time, we are offering 15% off the book by using the coupon code 15STINSPIRE

What is God's Calling for your marriage? Listen to today's episode and find out :) Download our FREE 52 Date Night Conversations Starters. DOWNLOAD HERE - > http://datenightconversations.com TRANSCRIPT Aaron Smith: We're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God ... Jennifer Smith: ... helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Aaron Smith: Today we're going to be talking about God's calling for your marriage. Lots of people think they have a calling, or don't know what their calling might be, but we believe that there are six callings that every Christian marriage has, and we're here to share them with you. Jennifer Smith: So, Aaron, before we get started, can you just explain a little bit about what does it mean to have a calling? What does it mean when you hear the word I have a calling on my marriage? Like, so people understand what we're saying. Aaron Smith: Just growing up in the church, we've all heard this idea of our calling, and a lot of times it's our individual calling, like what's God called ... ? Am I a missionary? Am I going to be starting a church? Am I going to be a pastor? Am I going to be a worship leader? There's all these finite things that people might feel called to. But when it comes to our marriage, do we believe our marriage has a calling? And we believe every marriage has a specific calling- Jennifer Smith: A specific purpose- Aaron Smith: ... a specific purpose- Jennifer Smith: ... that God's going to use them for. Aaron Smith: Yeah, based in their unique giftings, talents, position in life, that God wants to use in those marriages, for his purposes. But that might be vague for some people, and some marriages might be thinking, "Well, what's my purpose?" So what we thought we'd do is sit down and share with you six callings that we believe every Christian marriage is called to. These are callings that God has for your marriage today, whether you know what the specific calling is from God, and in the ministry that God has for your marriage as a couple, these callings are for every Christian marriage. Aaron Smith: There's more than this, but we picked out the six that we love the most and that we've kind of walked through in our life. So this gives you a place to start in marriage and say, "Okay, God already has a calling for us. We don't have to guess or we don't have to pretend we don't know or not know how to figure out where to get that calling." You can actually start today and say, "Oh, this is ... at least we know these callings, that God has for us." Jennifer Smith: That's really cool. I'm so excited to jump in. I just want to encourage you listening, if you, as we go through each six, if you could just take evaluation of your marriage and see if you guys are already fulfilling these callings in your life, or if you're not, if these are areas that you're wrestling with or struggling with, then hopefully our encouragement today will help you step up in those areas. Aaron Smith: Yeah, and you can let us know in the comments what areas that you think you've already been walking in, you're like, "Oh," and you never saw them as callings. Or you can let us know areas that you didn't recognize, that you needed to be walking in. Let us know in the comments. We like to read through those. Aaron Smith: So let's get started. We're going to start. We have six of them. The first calling that every Christian marriage has is to prayer, and this could be together or separate. It should eventually be together, but some of you might not be able to do that. Aaron Smith: But let me read the verse that goes with this. Philippians 4:6-7, and it says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to god. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Aaron Smith: Every marriage, every Christian marriage, has a calling to pray, and that seems easy. It seems like the easy Bible answer, but I want to talk a little bit about this, real quick, from our own life, and I have a question for you. How would say prayer has played a role in our marriage? Jennifer Smith: Well, I would say it was significant in saving our marriage, for sure. We started out in our relationship with praying for each other and praying for the purpose that God had for our marriage. Aaron Smith: We prayed every night during our dating years. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, and throughout our engagement. Aaron Smith: Yeah. Jennifer Smith: And then even through our marriage, and when we hit that hard spot in our marriage, when we were contemplating divorce and just were both really isolated from each other- Aaron Smith: And broken and frustrated, yeah. Jennifer Smith: ... and broken, you were really adamant about prayer. So every night, you were still praying for us. My heart was a little bit harder towards God and I was really frustrated and wrestling with the issues that we were facing, but you were faithful to prayer and- Aaron Smith: Which was hard. For all the husbands watching, my prayers started off very hopeful in the first few years of my marriage, and eventually got very angry and bitter, but I still prayed because I had that foundation in my heart, and I was like, "No, this is the only way I see us getting healing," and so I kept praying. You actually got to a point where you stopped praying. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, we used to pray together every night, and then slowly I just kind of faded out and listened to your payers, still participated but didn't pray as much. Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: But I will say that your faithfulness in praying every night really helped me to embrace God and come back to him, to turn my heart back to him, and to trust him because I knew that you trusted Him. So that did play a big role in saving our marriage. Aaron Smith: Yeah, so prayer's a little ominous for a lot of Christians, which it shouldn't be, but there's no classes on prayer. I know some churches probably have that, but it's not like a ... We just assume, like, "Oh, prayer's supposed to be easy to us." You know, what would you say are some ... ? Is prayer just talking to God? Is it like you have the right words and you have ... you bring in scripture at the right time in the prayer? Is there any ... ? Like, how does it look in our marriage? What does prayer look like for us? Jennifer Smith: Well, how I've always viewed it is it's just our way of communicating with God, so it's basically opening up our hearts and just sharing what's on our hearts and what's on our minds, and sharing it with God. What's really cool about what I've experienced through praying with you, is that not only are we submitting everything to God and asking for his guidance in our relationship, but every once in a while there's a compliment in there about me when you're praying, and thanking God for me, and- Aaron Smith: Well, when you hear me pray for you, you actually hear my heart for you. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, exactly. I get to hear your heart for me, and that affirms me, and it affirms my relationship with you, so that's been a huge encouragement. But I think that people can get really overwhelmed when they think about prayer and going to God and overthinking it. Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: You know, feeling like it has to be done perfectly, and it doesn't. Aaron Smith: So you're saying that the couples that are watching now could start today? Jennifer Smith: They can start today. Aaron Smith: They can just say, "Okay, Lord, I don't know what I'm saying to you, but I want help," or, "Thank you," and it could be as simple as that. Jennifer Smith: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Aaron Smith: Yeah, so we encourage you. So the first calling that every Christian marriage has is to prayer, and this means together. Some of you might be married and your spouse, your husband or your wife is not a believer, or is where my wife was, in a place where she's kind of angry or bitter, or they're angry or bitter. You can still pray without them, for them, and with them, and over them. Aaron Smith: So don't let a disunity keep you from prayer because you have a unity with Christ. And Christ, as our mediator, gives us direct access to the throne of God, that we can actually open up our hearts and we can pray directly to God. We don't need a high priest anymore because we have Christ, who is our perfect high priest. Aaron Smith: So we just want to encourage you today. You can actually start praying today, whether together or individually. Start praying today. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, and if you're doing it individually, which is great, every once in a while, invite your spouse to pray with you, or say, "Hey, I'd love to pray for you. Can you give me a list? Can you give me like five things that I can really focus on." I know that that's super helpful. Aaron Smith: And I know it'll totally bless them, too. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: I just want to bring this quote up, that our pastor always says to us, "Prayer isn't preparation for the battle, prayer is the battle." So we don't look at prayer as, like, well, that's a supplementary thing that we do for our faith, or it's something that we do only when it's really bad. Prayer is the battle, and we're in a spiritual warfare every day, against our own flesh, against the enemies in the world and in the spirit. Aaron Smith: And so prayer, we need to go to battle on our knees in prayer, in praying for the things that we care about, and praying for the things that we are concerned about, and going to our Father and saying, "Lord, we need your mind on this, we need your heart on this, we need your help on this." Aaron Smith: So prayer is the first calling that every Christian marriage has. Okay, so what's the next calling that every Christian marriage has? Jennifer Smith: Okay, so the next one is love, and I want to share a scripture but it's probably not the one you're thinking. Most people go straight to 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, which defines what love is, which is great, but today I'm going to share Matthew 22:37-40, which says, "And he said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: you shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.'" Jennifer Smith: So contrary to how culture will tell us that love is a feeling and love is something that we ... Aaron Smith: Fall into. Jennifer Smith: ... fall into, God is saying that love is a command. He commands us to love him, and he commands us to love our neighbor, or in this case, in regards to marriage, our spouse. Aaron Smith: Yeah, and so for all the marriages out there, your calling, our calling is to love. Not just love each other, because it says love your neighbor as yourself, that's the second and greatest commandment. Because my wife is my closest neighbor, I am her closest neighbor, we practice loving our neighbors by loving each other well. Aaron Smith: And then the second part of this is that, as a couple, we love the Lord with all of our hearts, minds, soul and strength. So if you're sitting out there, wondering what your calling in life is, this is a amazing calling, is to love each other well and to love God. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, and I just want to share that, because of the way our culture is very self focused, especially in marriage, we can get caught up in thinking that, "I can't love you right now because you're not loving me," and that can just cause a crazy cycle to happen. I know we've experienced it before. Aaron Smith: Yeah. In the beginning of our marriage, because I wasn't living up to the high expectations you had for me, you would just withhold all of your love. You would- Jennifer Smith: Yeah, so I would get really frustrated because I- Aaron Smith: You would tell me. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. I had all these expectations of romantic love and these grand gestures of you showing me love- Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: ... and I relied on you to initiate all of that. And when you didn't do it, I didn't want to do it. Aaron Smith: And you wouldn't initiate it, because you were expecting, like, that's what my husband does. He's going to pursue me and he's going to do all the loving. And I'm sitting over there thinking, like, my wife's not even pursuing me, why would I give her love? Aaron Smith: Now, we were both wrong because we both were commanded to love each other. I was commanded more specifically from Ephesians 5:23, I am supposed to love you, but we're supposed to walk in love the way the Bible tells us to. Jennifer Smith: Right. Aaron Smith: So we were totally dropping the ball on that calling in our life, and it's only been the last three, four years that we've been learning to actually walk in that calling for us. Jennifer Smith: In that command. Aaron Smith: And what happens when you start walking in that calling, just with each other, as most areas of marriage, in a Christian marriage, we start loving each other more biblically and more authentically and we start pursuing each other more. So what happens is we have extra in us to ... Jennifer Smith: ... love others. Aaron Smith: So then we can actually, instead of you just always constantly thinking, "I'm not getting what I need," you have more than enough and you actually have the energy, I have the energy and the love available, to be able to sit and love our other neighbors. Jennifer Smith: Right. Aaron Smith: Our friends, our family. So that's where that calling gets even wider- Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: ... is showing that love to the world, so ... Jennifer Smith: There was a turning point in our marriage, where I felt like we really began to understand God's command on love, but also the way that he set the example for unconditional love- Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: ... and I wanted you to share a little bit about your vision of being with Jesus in the garden, just a really brief version. Aaron Smith: So, just really briefly, when we were at our breaking point in our marriage, I felt the Lord bring me a vision of Jesus being in the Garden of Gethsemane before he goes to the cross. I remember God showing me Jesus weeping and, as it were, great tears of blood because he was so anguished over what he was about to go through. Aaron Smith: We've all heard the story, we know exactly what it's about and we understand it, but I felt like God showed me a new perspective on it, and he was saying like ... because in the garden, Jesus three times said, "Lord, let this cup pass for me," the cup of wrath, essentially, is what he's saying. Jennifer Smith: He knew what he was about to do, and he knew who he was doing it for. Aaron Smith: Yeah, who was he doing it for? His bride. So, essentially, what he was saying is, "Lord, I don't want to die for my bride, because this is too painful." Jennifer Smith: Especially knowing that part of his bride would reject him, or not- Aaron Smith: Or spit on him. Jennifer Smith: ... want him, yeah. Aaron Smith: Or turn away from him. Instead of what he wanted, in his flesh ... because his flesh was saying, "I don't want to do this," ... his spirit submitted to the Lord in his will for her. He said not my will be done, but your will be done. Jennifer Smith: And he did it. Aaron Smith: And so he went to the cross anyway, for a broken and filthy bride, an adulteress bride, knowing that that was what God's will for him was, and that's how he was going to love us. Jennifer Smith: So here you are, already married to me, three years in ... Aaron Smith: Yeah, and I feel like I had a choice, but the choice was this, was, in my flesh I was saying, "Lord, I can't do this," and God was saying, "Sure, you can, because Jesus did it." Jennifer Smith: Not your will, but mine. Aaron Smith: Not your will, but my will be done. So God's will is that I would love my wife anyway. If my wife never gave me what I feel like I deserve or what she's supposed to give me, I should be able to love her, still, through the Holy Spirit. Jennifer Smith: We were in church, it had just gotten out so people were scurrying all over the place, and we were just standing in the middle of the sanctuary and you were crying, telling me all of this and- Aaron Smith: I had something in my eye. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, sure. Aaron Smith: I wasn't crying. Jennifer Smith: But right there, we committed to walking, as Jesus walked, in unconditional love for each other, regardless- Aaron Smith: If nothing ever changed- Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: ... in our physical issues that we were having. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: And you know what changed? Jennifer Smith: Our hearts. Aaron Smith: Everything. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, everything changed. Aaron Smith: Our hearts changed and our hearts melted. The Bible calls our hearts stone and he takes our hearts of stone and he turns them to hearts of flesh. I feel like that's what he did, in that moment, was turn my heart from a heart of stone, and your heart from a heart of stone, to a heart of flesh. That's the power of the calling of love in our life. Jennifer Smith: Exactly, and our obedience to this command is not reliant upon what other people are doing, especially your spouse. So our encouragement to you guys today is to love anyways, and to love unconditionally, and to let- Aaron Smith: It's your calling. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, it's your calling. Aaron Smith: Yeah. So let's move onto the third calling. We have three more after this. So the third calling that every Christian marriage has is to forgive. This is a hard one. I'm going to read the scripture, it's Colossians 3:13. There's lots of scriptures on forgiveness. I'm not going to even read the harder ones. I'm just going to read this one. Aaron Smith: So Colossians 3:13 says this, "Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." So just like that last command to love, forgiveness is a command. Forgiveness is not an option for the believer, especially in marriage. We don't get to choose not to forgive. We don't get to say, "Well, my wife wronged me so badly that I don't have to forgive her." Aaron Smith: Well, it's actually a command to forgive, and I always tell myself ... because when we were going through what we were going through, I felt like I didn't have to forgive you, and there was a lot of things that I did, that you just held onto, and you're like, "I can't forgive you for that." Jennifer Smith: I didn't want to forgive you, no. Aaron Smith: You didn't want to forgive me. And you know what the Lord showed me? Showed us? Who are we to hold forgiveness against anyone? For what God forgave me of, and the patience that God had with me, how dare I withhold forgiveness from anyone? Especially my bride, who is one with me. So technically, if I withhold forgiveness from my bride, I'm withholding forgiveness from myself because she is me and I am her. But we did this. It was so destructive. It was not a oneness, it was complete disorder. Aaron Smith: And just think about this, the calling in your life to forgive your spouse, you have nothing else in you to withhold against your spouse that you did not do to Christ, himself. Now, when Christ died on the cross, he forgave all sin, just like that. The thing that he was praying that he could have the cup passed for him, he did anyway. He drank that cup, every last drop of it, the cup of the wrath that we deserved. Aaron Smith: That doesn't mean we don't repent. It doesn't mean that things that happen to us don't actually hurt us, and that it doesn't take time to learn to trust again, and that it doesn't take time to figure out how to walk with each other and get back into oneness and unity, but that does not mean we get to not forgive. So if you're wondering what your calling is in your marriage, as a marriage, it's forgiveness, towards each other and towards others. Aaron Smith: So I have a question, has it been easy for you to forgive me? Jennifer Smith: Not in the beginning. There's definitely been times where forgiveness was too painful to accept in my heart. Aaron Smith: I just thought of something. What was it that you were afraid it would mean, if you forgave me? Remember, there was something you used to say? Jennifer Smith: Do we want to say what, specifically, we're talking about, in regards to- Aaron Smith: No. Jennifer Smith: Okay. Aaron Smith: There was a reason you withheld forgiveness, and you were afraid of me not changing. You were afraid of, like, if you forgave me ... Jennifer Smith: Then you would just have the freedom to do it again, or ... Aaron Smith: Right, and so you would withhold that forgiveness because you used it as a tool to control the situation. Jennifer Smith: Well, I wanted you hurt like I was hurting. Aaron Smith: Exactly. Jennifer Smith: I thought if I withheld forgiveness, then you would feel the pain of not being reconciled. Aaron Smith: Right. So you were breaking this command in your heart because you thought that you had the right to, because of what I did, but in reality we don't, right? Jennifer Smith: Yeah, we don't. Aaron Smith: We don't have the right to withhold forgiveness from anyone. There's another verse that's terrifying, and we'll put it in the comments, in the description below, but it essentially says if you don't forgive ... Jennifer Smith: Your Father won't forgive you. Aaron Smith: And that is terrifying. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: So this third calling for every Christian marriage is to walk in forgiveness. Jennifer Smith: And to encourage you, what I've experienced with us is the more you practice forgiveness, and your heart is motivated toward reconciliation, the easier it becomes, because you have this bigger picture of what it means to forgive and why it's so valuable for oneness in marriage. Aaron Smith: Right. So why don't we move onto the fourth calling that every Christian marriage has? Jennifer Smith: So the fourth one is trust, and I feel like it goes hand in hand with forgiveness, because in order to trust again, you have to be able to forgive- Aaron Smith: It's true. Jennifer Smith: ... and reconcile, and experience oneness and intimacy again. But I know that for a lot of marriages, trust is a big issue, and it's really hard once you've been sinned against or hurt, to extend that trust and rebuild it again. Aaron Smith: Yeah, and so I would encourage one thing, is this is not a calling to just blindly trust. When I would wrong you, in things that I was walking in, right, and I broke your trust, your calling wasn't to just be like, "Well, I'm just going to trust you again." Your calling was to forgive me, and your calling was to reconcile with me, and to walk with me as we grow towards oneness again and heal, right. Jennifer Smith: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Aaron Smith: But what were you supposed to trust in, in that season? Jennifer Smith: No matter what, I was supposed to trust God. Aaron Smith: With what? Jennifer Smith: With my heart, and with you. That he was working in your life- Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: ... and that he was there to help us. Aaron Smith: And that was actually hard for you, because the first four and a half years of our marriage, you didn't trust God. Jennifer Smith: No, it was definitely a learning curve. Aaron Smith: So it was impossible for you to trust me. I mean, I didn't give her a reason to trust me, but you didn't trust God, you didn't trust me, you didn't even trust your own emotions. Jennifer Smith: I think that's why I felt so lonely and I felt so ... Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: I just felt so alone in what we were facing as a couple, because I felt like I wasn't connected with you, and then I felt disconnected from God, so there was a lot of mistrust, and not having that really hindered my ability to experience intimacy with both of you. Aaron Smith: And trusting God, with your spouse, puts you on the right path of the spirit of God, helping you trust again. Because as you see God work in your spouse as you pray, and as you forgive, you start seeing the transformations and you say, "Okay, Lord, I can trust you. I can trust my spouse with you, I can trust me with you, and I can trust my marriage with you. And so I'm just going to walk in the things that you've asked me to because I trust you, Father." Jennifer Smith: And a foundational verse for trust, and especially trusting God, is Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths." Jennifer Smith: And I had to lean on this verse, especially in regards to our marriage, because I felt like I had all this understanding of what I should do as a wife, and how I should respond to my husband, but I couldn't lean on my own understanding. Every time I was faced with this verse, I had to remind myself, I can't do that. Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: I need to be able trust God and- Aaron Smith: Well, and your understanding kept you from being able to trust me, and kept you from trusting God because you're like, "I just don't understand-" Jennifer Smith: Yeah, and kept me from reconciling with you- Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: ... because my understanding lacked ... Aaron Smith: The spirit of God. Jennifer Smith: ... the spirit of God. Aaron Smith: Yeah. Jennifer Smith: It really did. It was selfish. Aaron Smith: Yeah, right. Jennifer Smith: It was very selfish. I was trying to preserve myself and protect myself, instead of re-engaging with you and trusting that God was going to walk us ... bring us to a better place. Aaron Smith: Well, and going into the word of God and into prayer, and actually battling for me and being my helper, because you were just thinking, like, "No, I've been hurt, so I'm not going to try." Jennifer Smith: Yeah. There's this picture that I see when I think about trust in a marriage relationship and I hope that this encourages you guys, but it's this idea of all the walls in a person's heart, that we've built up over time. Every brick that is placed to build that wall will keep your spouse out of your heart. The whole idea of oneness is to understand each other and to know each other intimately, and you can't do that unless you bring those walls down, so this picture of taking these bricks down from these walls in your heart and building a bridge to close that gap and to allow connectedness, bring you guys together. Aaron Smith: Right. Which could take a lifetime, to break those walls down, but through the Holy Spirit, could happen overnight. Jennifer Smith: True. Aaron Smith: So we just, we encourage you guys, in your marriage, to take up that calling of trust, and trusting God with your spouse and your marriage, and seeking his word on how you should live, and how you should be, and how you should act towards each other and towards outsiders, and walk in that, and you'll see what will happen. You'll see, like, what we've experienced is freedom. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: Freedom from the bondages of our own desires, our own misunderstandings, our own- Jennifer Smith: Sin. Aaron Smith: ... sin. Which brings us to the fifth calling for your marriage, and it is purity. In Hebrews 13, verse 4, it says, "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." Aaron Smith: I did not do this. I totally broke unity with my wife, often. I had dealt with pornography my entire life. I thought marriage would fix it, and it didn't, of course. I'm sure a lot of you out there, that are watching this, could understand this, but I walked, actually, worse in it during the first few years of our marriage, and that, by itself, broke unity, spiritually unprotected you and us, brought in all sorts of filth into our home, brought in filth into my mind, made me see my wife in a broken way. It encouraged you to have lack of trust with me, rightfully. It made it hard for you to forgive me, rightfully. Jennifer Smith: Made me not want to be with you, physically. Aaron Smith: It made you not want to pray with me. Jennifer Smith: Made [crosstalk 00:24:43]. Aaron Smith: So all the things that we've been talking about, that are callings in our life, my daily decisions hindered from making it easy and possible for us to do. That doesn't mean that they're not callings, still, for us, but my own impurity, my own walking in filth, my porn addiction- Jennifer Smith: Hindered all those other callings. Aaron Smith: ... hindered all of those other callings, which, when we're walking in that sort of sin ... and I know there's a lot of marriages watching this that are dealing with that, either both or one of the spouses is dealing with pornography on a daily basis, is walking in this unrepentant sin ... and it literally is going to not just bring death to your home, because the Bible tells us that our sin will find us out, and sin leads to death when it's full-grown. And we had spiritual death in our marriage. Praise God that he was patient with us and kind to us and extended grace and mercy, and I just always think about his patience because of how long I was walking in that, and how he didn't just destroy us, because he totally could have. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: And it almost did destroy our marriage. Aaron Smith: But purity, and walking in all these other things, make our marriages into a ministry. But when we're not walking in purity, we have zero authority. I had no authority to lead my wife. I had no authority to lead myself. I couldn't sit with another brother in Christ and say, "Hey, let me encourage you. Let me walk you through this," because I was completely walking in unrepentant sin. Aaron Smith: I thought I was repenting, but the fact that I just kept going back to it without having an actual change in my heart, without having an actual understanding of what I was saying yes to ... I was completely destroying our marriage, and that is a calling for your marriage as much as it's a calling for our marriage. This isn't unique to some marriages. Your marriage is called to purity, husband and wife. Aaron Smith: So I'm talking about my own impurity that I struggled with, with pornography on the internet. What areas of purity did you struggle with, that you didn't recognize in the time, and to be honest, I wasn't even able to bring up to you because of my own sin, but I was able to bring up to you after I started walking in purity. Jennifer Smith: Well, the first thing I want to just share very vulnerably is that I also had my own struggle with pornography for a season. I'm sharing that because I know that there's wives listening, and it can be so hard to confront and admit that you're wrestling with this. Once you confess that sin and repent of it, you will find so much freedom. You need to deal with it, but one of the other major impurities in my life was hiding the fact that I had a problem with food and using it whenever I was emotional, whenever I felt down or defeated, whenever I had a craving. I was so selfish with my desires for it and used it as a crutch. Jennifer Smith: Anytime we were facing discord or disunity, I went to sugar, you know, anything that would make me feel better. I knew that I was living in an unhealthy way and I kept that from you because I didn't want you to point the finger at me, or challenge me, or keep me accountable in any way. Aaron Smith: When you thought I didn't have a right to, anyway, because of the way I was walking. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. When you did try and step in and encourage me to be healthy, I wouldn't let you. Aaron Smith: You'd use my sin as an excuse for your own. Jennifer Smith: Right. Yeah, so that was this crazy cycle in itself, of not being able to walk in the freedom that Christ gave both of us because we were stuck in- Aaron Smith: Impurity. Jennifer Smith: ... impurity. Aaron Smith: Yeah. So the fifth calling for your marriage is to walk in purity. And if you are struggling, or ... I don't even want to say struggling. If you're in these problems, these sins, addiction to pornography, eating habits, things that you haven't submitted to the Lord and you're holding onto and saying, "This is mine," you need to repent today and walk in the freedom that Galatians 5:1 tells us we have, "For freedom Christ has set you free. Stand firm therefore and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery." If you have the Holy Spirit living in you, you have the power to walk in freedom and purity. Jennifer Smith: And as you're evaluating your life, I would also suggest that, you know, maybe it's not pornography, maybe it's not food, but maybe it's music, maybe it's what you're reading, maybe it's the ... Aaron Smith: Yeah, maybe you love romance novels- Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: ... and you dwell on those and you read them often and ... Jennifer Smith: Maybe it's other types of websites that you're viewing online or maybe it's a bad shopping habit. There are so many different ways that we can live impure lives, and God calls us to a higher standard than that. And it's for the protection of our hearts, for the protection of our marriages, for the protection of our families, that we live pure lives. Aaron Smith: And in doing so, it makes our marriages be able to walk in the higher calling that our marriages have, which is ministering to the world, which is doing the will of the Father, and when we aren't walking pure, we're missing it. We cannot do that. It's the plank eye effect. Aaron Smith: The Bible doesn't say not to go take the speck out of your brother's eye. It says you can't see the speck in their eye clearly because we have a plank in our own. So the idea is that we need to remove that plank. We need to be walking in purity, we need to repent of our sin and accept the freedom that Christ has given us, and the authority and power that he's put in us. So let's move onto the last one. Jennifer Smith: The last one. Aaron Smith: And this is a fun one for us, but it's also a hard one. Jennifer Smith: It was a hard one for me, for sure. Aaron Smith: And this isn't an extensive list of all the callings that every Christian marriage has, but these are the six that we chose for this podcast, this video, and so what's the sixth one? Jennifer Smith: So the sixth one is generosity, and I'm going to read 2 Corinthians 9:6-7. It says, "The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." Aaron Smith: So what do you have to say about that in our marriage? Jennifer Smith: Well, I want to be honest with them and say that, in the beginning of our marriage, I fought generosity and I didn't realize that I was fighting it. I didn't know that I wasn't a generous person, but- Aaron Smith: Yeah, when I said I wanted to start giving to our church or to some non-profits, what was your answer? Jennifer Smith: I thought that by giving of my time, was enough. Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: I really believed that, and- Aaron Smith: I remember you telling me, be like, "Why do we have to give our money? We give our time." Because we volunteered a lot at the different churches we were part of and ... Jennifer Smith: We also didn't have very high paying jobs and what we did have went to our living situation, and I never- Aaron Smith: And debt. We were getting out of debt at the time. Jennifer Smith: And debt. And I just, I never felt like we had enough, and so to give away the little bit that we had was really frustrating to me and I didn't understand why it was of importance. Aaron Smith: Especially when we didn't have the things that a lot of our friends and married couples had. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: We didn't have our own home. We only had one car. We didn't have- Jennifer Smith: When we did have an apartment, I remember going down to the thrift store to get a can opener- Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: ... or whatever little thing that we needed to be able to live. Aaron Smith: And we were doing all that for the purpose of getting out of debt, but in our mode of getting out of debt, I believed what the scripture said about generosity and giving, and so we wanted to walk in obedience to that. So even though we were trying to get out of debt, we're like we're also going to give to what God's doing. Jennifer Smith: And I will say that this is a huge testimony to God's way of submission, because as your wife, I submitted to you in this call of generosity and it actually changed me. It changed me heart. It changed my perspective and my view. Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: At first, it was challenging for me and I complained, and I do feel bad about that still. But over time, I saw this verse come to life, that when you sow bountifully, you reap bountifully. I saw it even in our own marriage. Aaron Smith: Yeah. Jennifer Smith: The times that you were generous with me, whether it was with your time or your resources or with gifts, I would feel something in my heart to want to do it back. Aaron Smith: Yeah. Jennifer Smith: So I even saw that come alive in our own marriage, but also out in our other relationships. Aaron Smith: And this calling for your marriage, of being generous, there's not a dollar amount on this. This is not a, like, you have to give this amount of money all the time. The New Testament, specifically, is very clear that God wants all of it. He wants to know that our hands are open and that whatever he puts in, he can also take out. So this isn't a prosperity gospel of, like, if you put money in the basket, money's going to come right back out to you. Sometimes that happens, but in many ways, the blessing that we've gotten from walking in generosity, just in every aspect of our life, is having a healthy perspective on money. We don't crave money. We don't crave more money. We don't seek wealth. Jennifer Smith: Or things, really, I mean we just- Aaron Smith: I mean, even things, yeah. We see things as useful objects. We don't see them as things that are going to fulfill us. Man, the amount of things that God's been able to do, just through our little bit of generosity, in other marriages lives, in other people's lives, around the world, has been a huge testimony to God's goodness in our life. Aaron Smith: So what happens is, God blesses us, because we're all blessed. Everyone's blessed, right. Just Jesus Christ alone, he's the best gift anyone's ever been given. But even just in our day to day life, the things that we have, recognizing that they're not ours. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: That they're used for his Kingdom. Aaron Smith: So in your marriage, the calling of generosity, are you being generous with your home? Are you being generous with your cars, with your finances, with your time? Are you walking in a marriage, in a level of generosity where you just trust God and say, "Okay, Lord, we're open to what you have for us and we're going to do it." We don't know what's that looks like means, but we're going to say, "Lord, this is your money, how do you want us to use it? Do you have someone that needs help in the church, that you want us to bless? Is it $5 to help someone with a meal? Is it $20 for gas for someone? Is it $100 to a missionary?" It could be anything. Jennifer Smith: And when you submit your heart to God in prayer and you tell him, "I'm yours and everything I have is yours," you will hear him speak to you, as far as that tugging on your heart to give. In those divine moments where someone else is in need, he'll show you. Aaron Smith: Yeah, and he does it all the time, and that's where our hearts are at. "Okay, Lord, what do you have next for us?" We actually start the year off, every year, "God, how do you want to use us this year, financially?" Jennifer Smith: Yeah. It is a part of our goal setting. Aaron Smith: Yeah. So we hope you enjoyed these six callings that the Lord has for your marriage. We try and walk in these calling ourselves, and we hope that by you walking in these, and chasing after these biblical concepts and callings for your marriage, that you'll be led towards God's greater calling for your marriage, whatever that may be, and that your eyes would be open and that your heart would be open into receiving what he has for you as individuals in your marriage, and as a unit, as a whole. Aaron Smith: If you enjoyed this video, please hit the subscribe button and also hit the bell next to the subscribe button so you get notifications when we post new videos. Jennifer Smith: Also, leave a comment. If there are other callings that God has for Christian marriages we'd love to be encouraged by that and see more. Aaron Smith: See you later. Aaron Smith: Did you enjoy today's show? Find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.

Join us as we discuss how God has been showing us His desire for us to grow in our spiritual stamina in our prayer life. Prayer should be a normal occurrence in the believer's life and it has been a foundational element of our marriage over the years but lately, we have been feeling that God is desiring us to pray more. In order to grow our stamina, which is the ability to handle more, in our spiritual life is by doing it more. -- Take our 31-day marriage prayer challenge today and join the 1000's of couples who have done it. https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/products/thirty-one-prayers-bundle -- FOR MORE MARRIAGE ENCOURAGEMENT https://marriageaftergod.com https://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES https://shop.marriageaftergod.com FOR WIVES https://unveiledwife.com https://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDS https://husbandrevolution.com https://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution READ [Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage after God. [Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. [Aaron] And today we're gonna talk about Spiritual Stamina and Prayer. Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast, where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife. [Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution. [Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade. [Aaron] And so far, we have four young children. [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media. [Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day. [Jennifer] We believe the Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one, full of life, Love, [Jennifer] And power. [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God. [Jennifer] Together. [Aaron] Thank you for joining us in this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together. [Jennifer] This is Marriage After God. [Aaron] Okay, before we get started on this week's episode, I just wanna invite any of you that have been subscribed to our channel and enjoying this content, if you would just take a moment and leave us a star rating and a review. If you don't have time for a text review, you can just leave a star rating also, but when those reviews get left, they actually help our podcast get seen by a lot more people so we'd really appreciate it, if you have a moment to leave a review, that would be awesome. [Jennifer] Also, Aaron and I would like to invite you to support this podcast by shopping through our store. So if you go to marriageaftergod.com/challenge, you can check out our resources on prayer and take the 31 day challenge, pray with your spouse through those resources and that, shopping through our store helps support this podcast. [Aaron] So let's just get into the content now. You know, we're gonna be talking about spiritual stamina, which is a term that I brought up this last Sunday and we'll talk about where it came from but I believe it's something that God's walking us through right now. There's several things that we're gonna talk about today that were brought up recently, over the last few days, and we're just thinking, "Man, we should talk about this." [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] For this week's podcast. [Jennifer] Yeah, I feel like it's a necessary message, not just for our hearts and the things that we're walking through but hopefully it'll inspire everyone listening. [Aaron] Yeah, and then our heart for this podcast is always to inspire and encourage marriages out there who love God and who wanna know His will for their life and marriage to move forward and that's what He's doing with us, it's our journey, it's their journey, but this word 'stamina', it's something that I think about often when it comes to my workout in the mornings at the gym, which this morning's was super hard and I had almost no stamina. I could not keep going, I almost quit halfway through the workout. [Jennifer] I've been there before, pretty much any workout I've ever done. [Aaron] And the idea is that we, as we work out, or as we exercise or we build muscle, our muscle in our body and our system gets better at doing that and it means we can handle more. And this week, on Sunday at church actually, I was thinking about it. Actually church service was awesome, I walked away feeling so blessed and that just, the Lord was speaking to our hearts, but a thought I had was, "Man, I wonder if we could handle more as a church body?" [Jennifer] Like go longer? [Aaron] Yeah, go longer. Like, it was actually a really good service and several people spoke and talked and we sang a lot of awesome worship songs and just, it was a really good morning. There was tons of prayer, but then I just had this thought of I wonder if we could handle more. Could we go longer, or is it, we just cap it a certain amount or time and this was, I don't believe anyone was, I actually didn't tell anyone this, there was no problem, it was just, I was just thinking, like, I wonder what it would take if we could do more, if God wanted us to go further, if we could, would we be okay with that. Have you ever thought about that before, Babe? [Jennifer] When I think of stamina, I think of my time spent with the kids and kind of just doing our daily routine and the kind of stamina that a parent needs, to be able to do that, to last the whole day. That's a good illustration. Fulfilling their needs and being their encouragement and their comfort and just be that person in their life to guide them and it requires a lot, and so when I think of the word 'stamina', that's what I think of. [Aaron] Well, that's a good illustration, actually. So your stamina from one child to your stamina to two children-- [Jennifer] It grows exponentially. I feel like each time, every time we have another child, I do feel like, kind of like you were talking about, growing and as you exercise and building that muscle, I feel like I'm building that muscle as a parent. [Aaron] Right, in every aspect, not just playing with our kids but in discipline-- [Jennifer] And teaching. [Aaron] In teaching, discipleship, all these areas. So another area that stamina came up was in prayer, recently, and we're gonna talk about that and actually at the end of this episode, are we gonna pray for the marriages that listen? [Jennifer] Yeah, when we were talking about what we would share today, I've actually been asking you for a couple weeks now, hey, we need to an episode just on praying and pray for the couples who are listening because we know how powerful prayer is and our heart is to pray for you guys, and so we thought we could just enter into a time of praying and I'm really excited to do that today. [Aaron] Yeah, and we'll do that towards the end so stay tuned. I did a live video today on Instagram and got people's prayer requests so we're gonna go through some of those, Babe. Oh awesome. [Aaron] But we're just gonna pray generally for marriages who listen to this, marriages and the church and so that's gonna be awesome, but prayer was a part of the spiritual stamina we were talking about. Jennifer and I have made prayer a main theme in our marriage since the beginning. It's been a main theme in our ministry online, it's been probably the most popular books that we've had, is our prayer books. [Jennifer] And I would say that it's not because we're good at it, it's because God's constantly calling us to do it and I feel like that's been an area of our life that we constantly come back to and need to be reminded of and so I think that's why it's such a big part of our ministry online, is because we know that if it's hard for us, it's probably hard for other people. So, just wanted to-- And I feel like recently-- Share that. [Aaron] We've talked about this a bit, Babe, is that God's actually asking us for more. It feels like He's saying, "Hey, I want you to pray more." That there's more to be prayed about, that I want more energy put into prayer and so that goes back to the stamina of well, what can we handle? And you actually, you just asked God recently, you said, "Okay Lord, what's next?" And I feel like what's next in our life is more prayer, more of the word of God, more spiritual growth, more fellowship, all of these things that God, that we experience God in and how we know Him and I think that's what He's calling us to. [Jennifer] So, real quick, you had mentioned that on Sunday specifically, you were kind of wrestling with the question, can we handle more, and I know that the night before, you had started a new book and so do you wanna share a little bit from that? [Aaron] Yeah, so not only was this idea on Sunday of like, can we handle more? Can we pray more? Can we read more? What could our church handle? Could our spiritual stamina be built and grow as a church as a whole but also as individuals in our marriage and then the conversation continued and then that night, I read this book at night. It's by Francis Chan, it's called Letters to the Church, I just got it and he talks about prayer in it and it was pretty powerful, I just wanna read a little bit of what he said. This is on page 67 and he's talking about prayer and the church and he says, "Years ago, my friend from India "drove me to a speaking engagement in Dallas. "When he heard the music and saw the lights, "he said, 'You Americans are funny. "'You won't show up unless "'there's a good speaker or a band. "'In India, people get excited just to pray.' "He proceeded to tell how "believers back home loved communion, "and how they flocked to simple prayer gatherings." First of all, this story itself shocked me and I was like, oh! Like, I've never thought of that and do we do that? Would we flock to a prayer meeting? Do we crave prayer? The Bible is just so adamant about prayer, God's so adamant about our prayer life. Jesus dying on the cross tore the veil from top to bottom so that we can actually have direct line of contact with the Father Himself. That we no longer need an earthly priest, we have a high priest, Jesus Himself, who intercedes for us and gives us direct access. [Jennifer] Which is incredible, do we take advantage of that? Yeah. We should be. [Aaron] And I think this started a really long conversation, actually, right before bed, but later on in the chapter he says, "It is His desire for all His children "to experience the fullness of Him through the church "and has given us His word to show us how. "Let's dream of trembling believers on their knees, "speechless because they grabbed the weight "of speaking to Yahweh. "Let's picture small groups and large crowds "coming with eager expectation just to pray. "This is possible." And so, this book, I'm really liking the book. There's a few things that I've wrestled with but this prayer stuff, we talked for probably an hour, just about our spiritual stamina, our prayer. Like, are we even giving prayer the time of day that it deserves in our life? So, Babe, when I read that, because I read it out loud to us in bed, and just how he was dreaming of believers on their knees praying and speechless and eager expectation just to pray. How does that make you feel? [Jennifer] I think it draws out of my heart just this eagerness to do it more. Sometimes we have these emotions and feelings in our hearts and we can't even put words to them until you read someone else's writing and then it's like, "Oh, that's what it is." And I've been feeling this way for a while and I feel like that was, his words, like, just hearing you read them out loud, was like, "Yes, that's it." Like, we need more of that and earlier you had mentioned that we had been praying for what's next and that specifically came from when I had gotten away for a couple days for a women's retreat and there was 15 of us and we each took turns sitting in what we called the hot seat and it was just a chair in the middle of the room but each one of the women there basically just shared a prayer request and then we all prayed specifically for that woman-- One by one. One by one. Every single woman. It took us, like, three hours or so to get through and when it was my turn, I remember just thinking like, I feel ready for what God has for, for whatever's next for me and for us and so that's kind of where that came from and I'll tell you what, the experience of that prayer time was so powerful, not just in my life, but in all the women's lives there and it made me, when I got home, it made me think of how when you're gone at a retreat or you're gone at a conference, there's this spiritual high. That you walk away feeling like you're just so close to God and you really experienced something truly miraculous and what I felt like God was sharing with me about that specifically is that it was because we devoted time to Him. We sat for three and a half hours and prayed over each individual person, in prayer talking to God, like, petitioning for these prayer requests and then we expect in our daily life to just go through whatever we have, whatever requirements that we have on our day to day agendas and we think that we're gonna experience God the same way without going to our prayer closet, without being on our knees, without lifting up those requests to Him, without being thankful for things and just talking to Him and sharing our heart with Him, we expect the same spiritual high. [Aaron] Yeah, and God doesn't want us to have spiritual highs and lows, He wants us to be consistent with Him. What's funny is you said, so you planned that whole retreat and all the women just raved about it and you were telling me, though, you were like, "I planned all these great things "and they were all fun, like these games "and these conversations and they were great, "but the most powerful thing we did was the prayer." [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] And it was that you said, "It felt miraculous, "it felt like we were in the presence of God "as women coming together for the purpose "of praying for each other," and as we talk about this, I feel like the thing we've been feeling is that we're missing something. Like you said, we expect to experience God in the same way in those dedicated, devoted times as we do in our every day life when we don't dedicate or devote time. And so, the stamina side of that is we need to devote time to practicing and walking in those things. You know, at bedtime. One thing that we've realized is we could be spending more time in prayer. Are we cultivating an environment where we get to bed early enough and even if not, early enough, and prayer is a priority at bedtime, together? [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Praying for our kids, praying for our family members, praying for our church, and I feel like that's where the stamina comes from, is the devotion and the time that we set aside for it. [Jennifer] And I feel like, as we practice it and we stretch that spiritual muscle, we'll get even better at it. [Aaron] And that's the goal, right? That we get better which means we're closer to God, we're closer to Jesus, we become more like Him, more transformed into His image and so that's what we're talking about today and what's funny is, it's not like we have done this yet, right? Our heart is that we're gonna start walking in this ourselves and start examining areas of our life where we need more spiritual stamina. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] You actually challenged us this morning-- [Jennifer] Well, because this has been a conversation with us. You do Bible time every morning with the kids, which I absolutely love. I love seeing you lead in that way and you read through a chapter and you put it away and we went to go pray and I'm like actually, I think we can handle more. And you said-- [Aaron] Yeah, going back to our Sunday conversation. [Jennifer] Yeah, and so you said, "You're right," and so you pulled it back out and you just told the kids, "Hey, we're gonna read a little bit more today," and you read a-whole-nother chapter. [Aaron] Yeah, and I will say it was in Luke chapter 21, was the first chapter we read and then chapter 22 was significantly longer, but we did it and the kids totally handled it. Yeah, they got a little squirmy and even in my own flesh, I could feel myself feeling like, okay, this is just going long, but that's the only way we're gonna do it. Didn't we, when I started doing Bible time, wasn't it just a verse? [Jennifer] It was a couple verses, it was so brief, yeah. I feel like it was five minutes, max. Maybe if that. [Aaron] Probably a couple minutes and now we're at a full chapter, so just for those that are listening or wondering about family Bible time, start small and build up the stamina. Build up your ability and your kids' ability to listen and hear more and handle more time in the word of God. [Jennifer] And I just wanna add something specifically for kids, because when we build our spiritual stamina, they're seeing our example and the way that we lead in that way. Oh, that's good. And that's gonna help them as adults and so I just wanna encourage those listening with kids that it's our job, it's our privilege, it's our obligation as Christians to lead our children in this way and I'll be honest, sometimes I lean heavily on my husband to lead in this way and it's like I think, we already did Bible time and so therefore when I'm doing school with them and Aaron's off to work that I don't need to pray with them, or at least I think like, check off the box, that's already been done, but if I wanna build their spiritual stamina, I'm going to go into prayer or read the Word or teach whatever I need to teach of God's ways at any time throughout the day and that's kind of been the blessing of being at home to homeschool them but today, specifically, as this theme has been playing out in our lives and we've been thinking about spiritual stamina, I, during school, stopped and made the kids sit on the floor and we all held hands and I said, "We're gonna pray. "We're gonna pray specifically for some friends "that are going through a hard time right now," and each one of the kids prayed and it was really incredible. [Aaron] And that's good and that's building our stamina and how could we ever expect our children to fall in love with the word of God, grow spiritually, love God if they don't see us walking in those ways? We can't expect something different from them that we wouldn't expect of ourselves. And so the desire that we have to grow spiritually, to get better at being in the word of God and to get better at prayer. Not that these things commend us to God but they make us more like Him and because our heart is like, "Man, Lord, we wanna be like You, we wanna walk with You, we wanna know You," that's where this desire is coming from. This craving of getting stronger and more fit in the word of God, activating the things that we're learning, walking in the ways that we're reading in the word of God. [Jennifer] So we were dong family Bible time this morning and you wanna share about what we read? [Aaron] Yeah, 'cause again, there's this theme. There was Sunday morning, there was Sunday night in the book I was reading and then this morning, Monday morning, we're reading in Luke and it's Luke chapter 22 and it's just, this is about Jesus praying. He's about to go to the cross and I just wanna read the scripture verbatim and then we'll talk about it. It's in Luke chapter 22, verse 39, "And He came out and went, as was His custom, "to the Mount of Olives and the disciples followed Him. "And when He came to the place, He said to them, "'Pray that you may not enter into temptation.'" I just wanna stop right there for a second because you actually pointed this out this morning, you're like, "He asked them to pray "not to enter into temptation?" Jesus loved his disciples and He asked them, He said, "Guys, pray that you don't enter into temptation." Especially knowing that Peter was about to be tempted to deny Him. He knew he was gonna deny Him, three times, and Jesus was like, "Hey guys, "pray so that you won't enter into temptation." He's like, it's not just a warning, it's like a hey, this is what you can do, this is what you should do so that you won't do the other thing. [Jennifer] And this is the same, this is true for us. Yeah. Right? [Aaron] And then he says in verse 41, "And He withdrew from them, about a stone's throw "and knelt down and prayed, saying, "'Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me. "'Nevertheless, not My will but Yours be done.' "And there appeared to Him "an angel from Heaven, strengthening Him, "and being in agony, He prayed more earnestly "and His sweat became like great drops of blood "falling down to the ground. "And when He rose from prayer, "He came to the disciples "and found them sleeping for sorrow. "And He said to them, 'Why are you sleeping? "'Rise and pray that you may not enter into temptation.'" [Jennifer] Okay, so hold on. So, Jesus was in agony and He kept praying. [Aaron] He prayed more. [Jennifer] He prayed more, more earnestly. So, that shows some stamina and I think that this moves my heart so much because I think of everybody going through hard times, everybody goes through, in their own way, they have to face circumstances, conflict, whatever it is. How can we have the stamina to face those things earnestly through prayer, if we're not doing it when times are easy? [Aaron] Yeah, and it would be easy to say, "Well, like, he's Jesus," but the Bible tells us that Jesus was like us. He was tempted in the same way, He had physical limitations and weaknesses in the flesh but without sin and so it says that he was in agony, sweating as it were drops of blood, that's how much agony He was in, knowing what He was about to face on the cross. But yet, He prayed and said, "Not My will be done but Yours." And so the template we get here is that we pray God's will for our life, that we do it even when we're in agony and more earnestly and I just like He says, He says, "Why are you sleeping?" And I feel like us, it's almost as if we've been sleeping and God's looking at us saying, "Wake up. "Wake up, the time is drawing near, "get on your face and pray." do you feel like that, Babe? Yeah. Do you feel like He's telling us to wake up? [Jennifer] Yeah, I do. I mean, I feel like in a lot of ways, we do fulfill these scriptures and we do try and walk in righteousness and walk in the ways that He's called every Christian to, through His word but yet so often, we neglect it or we forget or we think we're doing fine until we read things like this and it hits us head-on that Jesus Himself was in agony and He continues to pray earnestly, and that's our example. And are we doing that? [Aaron] Yeah, and I think about, He says, "Rise up and pray that you may not enter into temptation." I think of the normal temptations to sin, but how often are we tempted to just not pray? To not be in the word of God? [Jennifer] To do something else, to go on social media? [Aaron] Gosh, that's like, my story. It's everyone's story. I go to bed and I'm like, "Oh, I'm gonna read the Bible," and then, boom, I'm on my phone. [Jennifer] It's everyone's story right now. [Aaron] Yeah, so let's wake up, Christians. We're gonna do this with you. Let's wake up from our spiritual slumber and our lack of fervor for spiritual things. The Bible tells us to desire that which is from above, Heavenly things, and I want that. I wanna pray more. I wanna be in the word of God more. I wanna be in close unity and fellowship with other believers more. If in prayer, and in the word of God, I'm thinking about this Sunday in teaching on this idea and practicing it and just reading through several chapters in the word of God, just to get our stamina for the word of God. [Jennifer] I think it's important, I think we need it. [Aaron] Yeah, and so we should try that. Remind me to do that this weekend, I'll prepare something. So that was the scriptures that we read this morning to our kids, again about prayer and just seeing Jesus's example in that. And then I just wanna, really quick, this is to emphasize that I believe God's just hammering home in our marriage currently, this idea that God wants us praying. So last night, I could not sleep. I don't know if you know this or not but I literally was dreaming all night and when I dream, I don't feel like I've slept at all. I remember waking up at 12:00 and then 1:30 and then 3:30 and then at 4:30, finally, I woke up, and I started praying for the person I was dreaming about. I was like, "Okay Lord, I had this dream "about a friend of mine and I had the dream all night "and it was really distressing to me," and I finally just woke up and I just prayed for him. I don't think the dream is true but I believe that he needed prayer, and so I just started praying for him. And then I had another person, another friend of mine that moved away, and I haven't thought about him in a little while, and so this morning, after I got back from the gym, I just started praying for him. And what's awesome is, he sends me a message, or he actually posted about me today, just saying he wanted to like go do a run with me, or something like that, and I went and I just messaged him and I said, "Hey, how are you doing? I'm praying for you." And he lets me know that stuff's going on in his life, that I didn't know about and I was like, "Man! Well, I'm praying for you, "I'm here for you, let me know what's going on." And I was like, "Okay, Lord." [Jennifer] That's really cool. [Aaron] Like, you want me to pray? Like, I'm gonna pray. And it's not for my sake, it's for others' sake and it's also for just hearing God's voice, which I think is awesome. [Jennifer] Yeah, well I think that when our hearts are yielded in that way and submissive to God in that way, we hear Him and He can speak to us and He can lead us and He can show us things or present opportunities like, with your friend, texting back and forth, would you have even had that opportunity if your heart wasn't tender enough to be praying for him? [Aaron] Probably not. I wouldn't have been thinking about him, I wouldn't have been ready. I might have, like, if I talked to him later, said, "Oh, I'll pray for you," but it encouraged me to know that God had already had me working in the spirit on his behalf. Which I think is a really awesome thing. And think about the body, the entire body of Christ, the church, what it would look like if we were praying like this for each other? Just always in prayer for each other. It'd be powerful. [Aaron] Now, what would it look like in our marriages? What would it look like if I was praying for you every morning? Which I do, I pray for you, but I don't pray for you the way I could be. Do you feel like you feel pray for me like that, and if you don't, what would you think would happen if you were praying for me, just fervently and daily and hourly, sometimes? [Jennifer] Well, there has been seasons of our marriage where I know for a fact that you're wrestling with something or you need help with something or you're down and like, I can sense that, or we've talked about something specific and those are the times that I feel like I really go to God in prayer for you, on your behalf, and then there's other times where I feel like we're good and I'm not in that same heart of prayer. [Aaron] Right, we're good, we don't need it. [Jennifer] Not that we don't need it, but like, I know if someone says, "Prayer is amazing, "you need to be praying," I'm like, "I know." But am I walking in that faithfully, with fervor, with my knees on the ground for you? I don't fight for you like that, like I should be, every single day. [Aaron] Right, and we get reminded in the word of God that the battles that we face are not battles against flesh and blood, but they're spiritual battles, against the powers in the air and the spiritual forces and we get to battle, as our Pastor Matt always says, he says that prayer isn't the preparation for the battle, prayer is the battle. We could be battling for each other. I could be battling for you that God's walking with you and helping you and encouraging you in your faith, in your abilities as a mother, in your strength as a wife and you could be praying for me for being protected from temptation and walking in leadership and getting wiser and all these things that we could be praying for on a constant basis. [Jennifer] What I found to be so impactful about marriage is that when we are yielded in this way, to be praying, especially for our spouse, when I'm praying for you, my heart's not focused on myself, it's not about me, it's about you and if my heart's in that position, then what's gonna happen in my actions as we interact with each other throughout the rest of the day? I'm gonna be mindful of you, I'm gonna be thoughtful of you, I'm gonna be thinking about your needs and thinking about how I can serve you, love you, help you versus the other way around which is me, me, me. [Aaron] Right, and that goes to that scripture, I believe it's First Thessalonians that says, "Pray without ceasing." It's not that we are literally on our knees praying 24/7, it's that we are in constant communion with the Father, who, when we do that, changes us, speaks to us, walks with us, guides us, puts our eyes on the things that He wants our eyes on, puts words in our mouths that He wants us to speak, has us hear things He wants us to hear, and so prayer does that. It turns our hearts to God, which then turns our hearts to what He wants. So I love this. I think that as marriages, we should just pray and we're gonna be doing this, pray that God would give us a heart for prayer. That he would grow our spiritual stamina for the word of God, for prayer and that we would see fruit from it, good fruit. And so I think we should go into a time of prayer. What do you think about that, Babe? [Jennifer] I feel good. I feel like it's necessary and needed and I think that we need to be praying specifically for the body of Christ even more. I feel like we're entering into a season where the body needs it more than ever. [Aaron] Right, so we're gonna go into a time of prayer and I'm gonna pray for some of the things that the community, you guys, gave me to pray for and we'll pray for some other things and then we'll close it out. [Jennifer] We wanna invite you guys to pray along with us and if anything comes up in your heart that you need prayer for or that your spouse needs prayer for, just take a minute and just pray for them. [Aaron] Father God, I just wanna come before You and I wanna lift up marriages all over the world, marriages who love You, marriages who desire to see Your will done in their life. Father, I pray that You would reveal Yourself to them, that You would draw them so close to You, God, that they would know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they're Yours and that You desire to use them in mighty ways. Father, I specifically wanna pray for those marriages who are struggling with illness. I know many marriages have real illnesses, real bad things that they're dealing with, hard things, things that they've been dealing with for years, even. I pray, Father, for complete healing. I pray that even if they aren't healed, Father God, that their hearts would be yielded to You, that they would trust You and know that You are doing good things in their life. I pray, Father, that they would lean on You in their weakness because, Father, You tell us in Your word that in our weakness, Your strength is made perfect, and so I pray that in their lives, Your strength would be made perfect and they would know it. I pray that they would rejoice in their afflictions, in their sickness, that people that are watching them and that are wanting to them to be better, Father God, would see their joy, would see their resolve and would know, God, that they are walking with You and that they would be a testimony to people that are watching them. I also wanna pray for marriages that are dealing with infidelity, Father God, and unfaithfulness. I pray Lord that you would convict the hearts of those who are not walking in faithfulness with their spouse; that Lord, You would change them and transform them and rebuke them, if necessary, and that You would bring other Christians alongside them to rebuke them as well; and that they would turn their hearts to You, that they would repent and that they would change their ways and that You would redeem those marriages, Father God. We just, we pray in Your mighty name, in the name that is above all names, Jesus Christ, and we ask, Lord, that you would change those marriages and that they would be a testimony for you; that anyone who would see and hear their story would know that there is a God in Heaven; that they would know that You are the one true God, because they see that Your hand was in their marriage and that You redeem them and save them. [Jennifer] God, I just thank You so much for these marriages, I thank You for these husbands and wives and the purposes that You have for each one of us and I just pray, Lord, that as we draw closer to You, that Your holy Spirit would just continue to guide us and continue to lead us, continue to give us stamina, Lord, for Your word, give us stamina for our prayer life and for talking to You and just coming before You with our requests and our thankfulness and everything that's going on in our lives, Lord, and I just pray that we would have stamina in our family lives, that we would be present. I pray, Lord, that each one of us would know the roles that we have with our children and other people's children, that you would just reveal to us, just how influential each one of us are in their lives and I pray, Lord, that we would have stamina with them, that we would be patient and kind and compassionate and caring as we disciple them and draw them closer to you. God, I thank You so much that these marriages desire to draw closer to You and I just pray that we would all experience more intimacy with You. I pray that we would experience more intimacy in our marriages. God, I pray that every marriage after God would build their foundation and establish it according to Your word, that we wouldn't let a day go by without reading your word. God, please remind us every day that we are lights of Your testimony, especially for this world, this dark world, Lord. I just pray that we would know what purposes we have to fulfill in this life and I pray that we would walk in the ways that You've already established for us to walk. God, I pray against the enemy. I pray against his flaming arrows and the ways that he tries to attack us and I pray that he would not get in the way of what You're trying to do on our lives. I also pray against our flesh and the temptations that come to draw us away from You and I just pray, Lord, that we would be stronger than that, that we would be able to walk righteously and pure and God, I just pray that Your Holy Spirit would help us in this way. God, I specifically wanna lift up some requests that came from the community and that was around job and work and I just pray, Lord, that as people transition in and out of jobs, with changes, I pray that for those who don't have a job right now, I just pray for all of it, Lord. That You would just continue to guide each one of us as we pursue the work that You have for us, and regardless of the circumstances, whether we're in work, in job changes or out of work, that we would continue to be a light for Your namesake, that we would be a testimony to those around us, of faithfulness and perseverance and hope. I pray, Lord, that whatever work that we do, that we would do it unto You. I also wanna lift up finances too, Lord, and I just pray that each one of us would steward well all that You have given to us. If there are couples in debt, Lord, I just pray that You would inspire them to change their ways, that they would do everything that they can to get out of that debt and that they would lead their families well in the area of finances. I pray that we would be a generous people, people who don't cling to what they have but that they're holding it open handed so that You can guide and direct wherever You need those resources to go. God, I pray that You would be able to trust every marriage with the finances that You have placed in their lives and that we would just steward them well, Lord. God, I just thank You so much for our marriages and I just continually ask that Your Holy Spirit would lead us and guide us and draw us closer to You each and every day. [Aaron] Father, we love You and we thank You for the things You give us in our life. The blessings, the hard things even, we thank You for all of it, Lord. You love us, You desire for us to mature and to grow and to become the men and women You've called us to be. You desire that our marriages would be used to grow Your kingdom, to spread Your gospel and Father, we just wanna give You all the glory and all the honor, You deserve it all. You are so good to us, Father, and we thank You for it all and we just pray these things in Your Holy Son's name, Amen. So we thank you for joining us today, I know this was a little bit of a unique episode and we just pray that all of us, that me and my wife, that you and your spouse would begin to grow in our spiritual stamina, that we would fall in love with prayer, fall in love with the word of God and that we would crave more and more of it every day so that God would use it to change us, to transform us, to make us more like his Son, Jesus. And the reason for it all is that He would use us, that we'd be used to point people to Him. We thank you for joining us and we look forward to having you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? Find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.

Thankfulness in marriage is necessary and unthankfulness is destructive. In the season of thanksgiving, the meaning of thankfulness can easily be lost. In this episode, we give some tips on how to have a biblical mind on thankfulness and how to walk in it every day. We all need to be reminded often to fill our hearts with thankfulness. -- Take our 31-day marriage prayer challenge today and join the 1000's of couples who have done it. https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/products/thirty-one-prayers-bundle -- FOR MORE MARRIAGE ENCOURAGEMENT https://marriageaftergod.com https://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES https://shop.marriageaftergod.com FOR WIVES https://unveiledwife.com https://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDS https://husbandrevolution.com https://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution READ: Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God. Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. And today, we're gonna talk about how a heart of thankfulness is necessary for a marriage after God. So today, we're gonna talk about thankfulness in marriage, and we may even hit on why unthankfulness is, you know, damaging to marriage. But we're excited about this episode, especially 'cause Thanksgiving's right around the corner, and I think that, you know, thankfulness is usually on people's mind. If not, it's written somewhere on a napkin or some sort of decor for Thanksgiving, so. Yeah, but one of the reasons we wanna bring up this topic is especially with a corporate holiday, you know, federal holiday being Thanksgiving, sometimes it might lose its meaning. We might think, oh, of course, yeah, I should be thankful, I should be thankful, but we forget actually the spiritual impact that thankfulness has on our lives and actually the command that we have from the Lord to be thankful. Yeah. And so we just wanna talk about what thankfulness does in a marriage after God, and how it could benefit our ministry. And why it's important to do it all year 'round, right? Yeah, not just one day a year when the food's amazing. So that's what we wanna talk about today, is thankfulness, and we're gonna give some tips on the end, just how to have a mind and heart surrounded with thankfulness, and the Bible's really clear on how thankfulness should be a part of our lives. It shouldn't be just something that comes and goes, and it shouldn't just be based on the circumstances, which we'll see, but thankfulness should be an integral part of the Christian's life. It should be something deep inside of us. And so I think it'll be fun to discuss this. I have some questions for us to answer candidly about thankfulness in our own lives, because we're never unthankful. Never. Yeah, our marriage is only ever full of thankfulness. We're always walking in the spirit, so like. Yeah, perfectly. That flesh never gets to us. I mean, we're just. No, of course we're being facetious. We're a perfect couple, really. No, we have to be reminded often to be thankful, to have hearts filled with thankfulness, and the fruit that comes from that is good, and the fruit that comes from unthankfulness is not so good. Yeah. It's actually very destructive. Yeah. So, we're gonna dig in. We have some scripture to talk about, and some questions to answer, and then some tips at the end, and I think it's gonna be really good, so I hope you enjoy it. Okay, so we kind of broke this down into two sections, and so the first one is it's necessary for a strong marriage relationship. So thankfulness is necessary in order to have a strong marriage. And the first question that we wanted to kind of ask each other is, how do you think that thankfulness might play a huge role in strengthening our relationship? Yeah, I was thinking about this based off of the scripture that we're gonna talk about later, but thankfulness, I feel like it keeps us in a positive place, it keeps us moving forward. You know, I think about the times that we're not thankful. Mmhmm. And what our relationship is like. If you go back to like, in the beginning of our marriage, I don't know if I was necessary thankful for you, right? And so, I would neglect you. I would be frustrated with you. I would be bitter at our relationship and the things that weren't going my way, 'cause I had these expectations, and since those expectations weren't being fulfilled, I wasn't thankful. It was like I got a bad gift, and I was like, oh, thanks for this, God. I remember all the years at Christmas, and I would, you know, as a little child, be expecting one thing. Like that bike. You should tell that story. Yeah, I know. So, one Christmas, I just wanted a bike. The only thing I wanted was a bike. I dropped hints everywhere. Disclaimer, my parents are awesome, right? So, I wanted a bike. And I remember getting to my grandma's house. We were all there, everyone was there, and my grandma just starts dropping hints, 'cause she knows exactly what I'm getting. She's like, oh, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Oh, what is it? And she's like, here's your first hint. It's red. And I said, red? I'm thinking, I'm like, oh, a red bike, yeah. And then she got me with the second hint. She's like, the second hint is it starts with a B. Oh, no. And I'm like, what? I'm like, my parents actually got me the bike I wanted! And then I get the present, and it's like this big. It's like, it's a small box. Oh, no. And I'm like, how does a, maybe it's like a helmet. Maybe it's the helmet for the bike, and they're gonna trick me. Stay hopeful here. And I open it up, and it's a red pair of boots. Oh, red boots. Cowboy boots, yeah. That's awesome, though. Yeah, that's the kind of thankfulness I'm talking about, that we had in our marriage, like, yeah, thanks, God, but it was more like a, I wasn't actually thankful. Now, I did wear those boots all the time. But you didn't get the bike that you wanted. But I didn't get the bike I wanted, and I feel like that's what, you know, thankfulness is being thankful for what you have. So I could have been thankful for you, and I would have seen you with eyes of thankfulness. Mmhmm. Whether or not I think you were what I should have gotten, or the things that we were going through were something great or terrible, I could have been thankful, and that probably would have changed a lot of things in the way I responded to you, in the way I walked with you. I can see that. Instead of drifting away from you, because it was like, I'm gonna put you in the closet, like those boots. He didn't ever put me in the closet. I didn't put her in the closet. But that's the spiritual, you know. Isolation. Isolating myself. Being apart from one another, yeah. But like, how have you seen thankfulness play a huge role in strengthening our relationship? Well, on the positive side, 'cause I also, in the beginning of our marriage, I wouldn't say that I was thankful for the gift of marriage. I was a little bit jolted in like, not receiving the thing that I wanted. It wasn't how it was supposed to be. Yeah, this isn't what I thought it was gonna be. Yeah, and the first few years were really rough, but I could see how, when we started to walk out with hearts of thankfulness, how it really affirmed our marriage. And so I just kinda wanna highlight the positive here, that it changed us, and it gave us eyes to see where, even in the really, really small stuff, how we can be grateful for what we have and who we're with. I mean, I can look at our relationship now, and I'm so grateful for being with you. I can even be thankful for the things that we went through in the past, because I know that God used it for good, and I don't know, I just think that it's important to have a heart of thankfulness for each other, even in the hard times. And we're gonna talk a little bit about that later as well when we get to the tips, but you're really good at reminding me to be thankful. Now I am, I didn't used to be. In the hard times, yeah. And I was actually, while you were talking, I was thinking about all those times in Africa when we were missionaries, and we would go to a family's home, and when I say a home, it was like either a hut or just a smaller building, not what we would recognize here, and they would present us with the most, in our minds, wasn't something amazing, food, but in their minds, it was the best they had, and I just remember recognizing, 'cause a lot of the missionaries that we were with, they were like, no, you're gonna honor them. You're gonna eat what they give you, and that's hard for us. And you eat all of it, 'cause if you leave some, then you're not using the value of what they gave. Yeah, you're not appreciating that. You're not showing them that you're thankful. And I'm just thinking about the relationship between the gift-giver, the person giving me their food, in their world was the best that they had, and I'm thinking, like, oh, this is not as good as I, you know, my selfishness. Not being thankful is looking at the relationship in a way that like, oh, you didn't give me enough, you didn't give me what I want, and therefore, I'm not gonna be in that kind of connection with you and that kind of fellowship with you, right? Yeah. And I'm actually like, you know, harming the relationship with that person, because I'm not satisfied with what they've given me. Now, on the other hand, let's say I'm hungry, and I have no food, and I crawl into their home, and they feed me, right? Whatever they give me, I'm thankful. The Bible tells us that, you know, when you're hungry, even bitter things taste sweet, right? So the mentality, the heart is different toward that person. I'm like, man, thank you. You saved my life. You saved my life. It's the same food, different perspective. Yeah. So when you think about it from that perspective, you know, of a perspective shift, it really comes from a place of pride. You know, I'm unthankful because I deserve something, I'm owed something. What you have given me isn't worthy of me, right? It's a very selfish way to look at it. Super selfish. And so, on the other hand, if I'm thankful, my perspective is like, what I have is better than what I deserve, is more than what I'm owed, is beyond what I could have asked for. It's exactly where God wants us to be. It's pride versus humbleness, humility. So that's why I think it strengthens our relationship when we are thankful for each other, during the circumstances we're going through with each other, for the things that God's given our marriage. How can or has unthankfulness hurt our witness and ministry as a couple? Well, some of the stuff I was just talking about, of the pride. Mmhmm. I feel like, no, I don't feel like. I know people can recognize pride and arrogance and cockiness, and I feel like being unthankful, that shows out. I actually, I'm telling it myself again. I like that, I like that. I realized I had a situation with this that's caused me to kind of think about certain patterns I have and certain characteristics I have. A lot of our friends know that I love good food, and I barbecue my own meat, and I'm particular about how I make it, and whenever I go to restaurants, when we're with friends, I get something, and I find myself critiquing what I've been given. Yeah, yeah. You know? I'm at this really nice restaurant, and I'm like, oh, you know, I would have done it this way, or oh, they didn't do it the way. It's supposed to be done. It's supposed to be done. And so I have this particular way, and it's just me kind of, the way I've justified it is just me walking in my passions with food, right? And a friend of mine said something to me, and I'm like, oh, that was interesting. And I don't think they were trying to be rude to me or mean, but they said, you know, Aaron, you should be a restaurant critic, right? And I think they were sincere, but when I was on the way home, I remembered talking to you. I was like, I think I'm a jerk. You know, I'm sitting at this nice restaurant, I'm enjoying my friends, and there was literally nothing there to complain about, not a single thing, and my critiquing, you know, I'm using my air quotes, is just my unthankfulness. It's me being prideful about my knowledge of things, or something not being good enough. Right. For me. Well, also, I would say for you, it was the value of, I'm paying for this. Like, let's say it was a steak, and I could have done it better for cheaper at home. Right, which is thoughts I have, you know? And who knows if that waiter's listening to me going back and talking to the chef, and like, I'm just one of those guys that complains about a really nice plate of food. You know? It was funny, it's all this unthankfulness is around food. It's not always food. It's not always food. These are just good examples, I think. But like, you know, our life is supposed to be a light in this world, and like, what if I'm sitting there, it could be embarrassing for you, too. I don't know if you've ever been embarrassed. No. I think you have stories in your own life of people acting like this on a bigger scale. Yeah, I was thinking though, like, I think we've shared this in another episode, but when it comes to our kids, especially around food, are we showing them an example of thankfulness when it comes to our food, or are they also going to be critiquing their food? I think you talked about them critiquing my food at home. Which is so dangerous. I'm like, that's your mom. Don't critique your mom's food. You enjoy it. Yeah. But you're right, that's another witness to our children. We're using food as an example a lot, but it goes for everything. Like, if we're not thankful for our car, our home, you know, and that comes out in the way we take care of those things and treat those things and talk about those things. I have an example of you know, just how our ministry as a couple can negatively impact or have that negative impact on our ministry to others, and it's more relational, but if you are doing something that I think you should have done different, or if I think you weren't doing right, and we're in front of a group of people or whatever. For you, or just in general? Just in general, or for me, it doesn't matter, and I don't respond with a heart of thankfulness, because I don't actually see your action as being good. I see it as all the wrong ways that you're doing it, right? Right. Because I don't have that heart of thankfulness, it comes out in my response to you, and then all of the sudden, I feel that. Other people are watching you. Yeah, other people are watching me, and I start to feel embarrassed of my own actions and responses towards you, and I feel like our marriage is weakened and kind of broken. Right, the witness that our marriage has, our unity's gone, 'cause it's like, oh, why'd you do it that way? Can you just go redo it? Yeah. I don't know if I'm making up that example, but, I think that's a good point, how we treat each other, especially back when we weren't thankful for each other. And even now, we still, you know, we go through days of just like, today's hard, this happened, this happened, this happened, this happened. Yeah, feeling overwhelmed by it. Right? And we're like, well, and we really forget all the good. But I guess the, you know, going into the verse we're about to talk about, sometimes we can think, well, right now there isn't good, so why should I be thankful? But that's actually not what the Bible teaches us. God actually has a way for us to be in the good times and in the bad, and so, I'm gonna read Ephesians five. This right here gives us the picture of how God wants us to be thankful and why, and in the book of Ephesians, Ephesians is the relationship book. It's about our relationship with the church, our relationship as a church, our relationship with God, and then our relationship with each other, and it's all relationships and how we relate to each other as Christians, as the new creature that God's made us. In Ephesians five, in verse 15, it says this, and this is talking, again, about the relationship between individuals in the church, as a global idea. It says, look carefully, then, how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for this is debauchery, but be filled with the spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and, right here is the keyword, for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Again, the context of this is how us as individuals in the body of Christ, in the church, the global church, are to act with each other, to relate to each other. You know, we submit to one another out of reverence. We greet each other with songs and hymns out of our hearts filled with thankfulness, and so what that means is when our hearts are filled with thankfulness, the sound that comes out of us, the tone that comes out of us, is melody to God. It's melodic, it's harmonious, it's beautiful, it's up-building, it lifts your spirits. That's what that heart of thankfulness does. But the keyword, again, is for everything. Giving thanks always, and for everything, which is kind of hard to understand. Like, wait, we're supposed to thank God for the hard things? Are we supposed to thank God for the difficulties we had in our marriage, in the beginning of our marriage? Yeah, and I would say in the midst of it, it was really hard to. I don't think we were thankful. I don't think we were thankful. I was not. I remember my prayers consisted of, why are you doing this to me, God? But looking back in hindsight, we have thanked him for that. Oh, yeah. So if we can encourage those listening, if you are in the middle of a hard spot, try practicing finding things that you can be thankful of, not finding things. I guess it's be thankful for them. Be thankful for them. Say Lord, this is hard; thank you. And here's the thing. We can always find something to be thankful for. I guess so, yeah. But God wants us to be thankful for everything. Yeah. For the hard things, for the easy things, for the painful things, for the joyful things, because God wants our Thanksgiving. Yeah. And you know what? Paul says this. He says, our current sufferings are not to be compared with the coming glory. So, even the hardest things we can go through, and if you think about Christians that are being persecuted all over the world, they should thank God for that, first of all, because they're gonna get an extra blessing. That's what the Bible says. But that's so short of a time. It's gonna be done with, and they're gonna be in glory with God. Mmhmm. That's what our lives are. So all of our little things, the little, painful things, the hard things we go through, the big things that we go through. God doesn't just want us to thank him for the good things. He wants us to thank him for everything, which is awesome. I think I was just talking to you this morning encouraging you, just saying, you know, do you have breath in your lungs today? Did you have food to eat? Do you have energy in your body? I mean, you went pretty far. You were like, do your legs work? Do your hands work? And I was just letting her know, letting you know, that we have so much stuff to thank God for, just in the fact that we're, the people listening right now are sitting there, breathing, listening. They have life in them, and God says, I want you to use your life for me, and I want you to be thankful for that life and all the things that happen within that life. I think a big part of being able to thank God for everything, for all of it, good and bad, it shows your amount of trust in him. Yeah. Because when you can say, God, thank you for this, even though it's really hard, you're trusting that he's either gonna walk you through it, you're trusting that his timing is best and that that hard time will end when he sees fit, or you're gonna trust that he's gonna use that hard stuff for something good later, right? Well, yeah. I feel like trust is such a big part of it. Being unthankful for it, like, God, why are you doing this to me, which is my heart, is presumptuous, to think, like, I know better. Right. God, you're doing it wrong. This thing I'm going through, I don't deserve it, it's not right, you're unjust. That's what I'm saying if I'm unthankful to God. And when we put it in that context, 'cause while you were talking, I was thinking. I was like, yeah, actually, unthankfulness is telling God we know better. Yeah. And the story I think of is Job. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Which is one of the oldest manuscripts known in the Bible. It's the oldest one. It's not chronologically the oldest, but it is the oldest written manuscript. And it's a story of a man who goes through the most incredible suffering, and it almost looks like he doesn't even deserve any of it, right? And he's telling the Lord, like, I'm righteous, I'm just. God, I don't deserve any of this. And by the very end, what does God tell him? Where were you when I set the foundations of the earth and I told the water where to stop? Where were you when I created everything, right? And he's essentially telling Job, he's like, he's like, Job, you don't get to question me. And you know what, it doesn't tell us why, but God blessed him in the end. Doesn't mean he deserved it. Just God chose to bless him. That's what God can do, 'cause he's God, right? Yeah. So, that's actually a pretty scary thing to think about, that when we're unthankful for even the little hard things, the big hard things, we're telling God we know better, and that's, again, a prideful heart against God, but I'd rather be, no matter how hard it is, in a spot of being held by God, like God, I trust you, like you said. That was a good word. Yeah, that's good. I wanna also read I Thessalonians 5:16-18, 'cause I think it kind of affirms everything that you're saying right now. Yeah, this is like the other half of how we're supposed to be thankful. Yeah, so, it says, rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. And I think so many people are out there and they think to themselves, I just wanna know God's will for me. I just wanna know what he wants for me. It's right here, boom. It's right here. This is God's will for you. He wants you to rejoice always, and that reminds me of the verse that you were just reading about of, you know, having psalms and hymns. You told me one time, I think it was you, about how you know that someone's joyful when they're singing? I said that at church on Sunday. Oh, yeah. So you know that someone's joyful when they're walking around the house humming or singing, and their spirit's just light, and you feel their tone. You can hear it. Yeah. So I think being able to rejoice always is a testimony of God's power in your life. Whether the circumstances around you are good or bad, if you're able to rejoice, you're saying, hey, none of this stuff matters, because I know who loves me, and you know, part of our ministry as A Marriage after God, our ministry as Christians in this world, is to be a light to others, and how are we supposed to reflect him and bear his image? It's to be able to rejoice in all things. Which is a perfect transition into the second part of why it's necessary to have a heart of thankfulness, is because it's for a marriage to glorify and magnify God. Thankfulness, in our hearts, does that very thing, and we have some scriptures to back that up, if we haven't already proven it, just by some of the scriptures we've already read. But like you said, the magnification, the glory, there's nothing more powerful than meeting someone who's going through extreme suffering, and they have thankfulness in their heart, and they have joy, and it doesn't mean they're not in pain, doesn't mean they're masking it or hiding it. They just truly know who their Savior is, who their Father is, and who's gonna raise them up on the last day. They know who's gonna hold them when they get to heaven. They know where their life is held, and there's something powerful. You say, wow, how could you go through so much and still thank God, and still have joy in your heart? And I think that, I don't think that does magnify God. It shows how good God is, and that's where, if we're a marriage that's just bitter and angry. Or operating out of pride all the time. Yeah, we're contentious, and like, any time, man, I don't know if you've ever known someone that just, almost everything that comes out of their mouth is negative. Yeah, it'd be great if the car didn't always, you know, have that little tick in the engine. Oh, yeah, what a great day. Too bad it's gonna rain. Like, just everything they say is like, what's the word, Debbie Downer? Yeah, yeah. I feel bad for the person that they named that after, but. But that's not a good witness. What does that magnify? Like, that doesn't magnify God. You know, it magnifies your own self-loathing, your own view of the world, being so dreary and down. And again, would you think it could be easy to fake this? Like, 'cause that's not magnifying God, when we're faking that we're joyful, and we've got a mask on, but yet, we're hurting and broke and angry inside. No, 'cause it goes back to you always say, like, how you're living your life, can you tell someone else to live that way? You're always encouraging other men and even me to be aware. Be an example. Of how you are walking, and yeah, I don't think that you can say, follow my example or do what I'm doing if what I'm doing is smiling on the outside in the world and then running home to cry about it. You're not gonna have the authority in your life to say. It's hypocritical. This actually works, or God is actually with me, yeah. Yeah, and I think you're right. I think the example we need to set is that we're at home and outside the home the same. You know, in private and in public, we're the same. That's called integrity. It's the opposite of hypocrisy, where I'm one way in front of someone and another way in front of another person. And I think people can sniff it out. I think people know, even if they don't. If you're around someone long enough. Well, if they're not identifying it verbally, they feel it. Like, you can feel when someone has an ungrateful heart. Yeah, and it's not a pretty thing. I've had it. There's times that I get tempted to walk in ungratefulness, and then I have to remind myself, you know what, things are good, God's good. He's given me way more than I ever deserve, and that'll help when we get some of these tips at the end of how we can have hearts of thankfulness. But yeah, the second part of just magnifying God, the reason we have hearts of thankfulness is to magnify and glorify God. I wanna read a verse. It's Psalm 69:30, and it says, I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify him with thanksgiving. And so I just wanna highlight two things here. One, I will magnify him with thanksgiving, that's an action. Like, going to God and saying, thank you for, thank you for being you, thank you for creating me, just thanking him, thank you for my spouse, thank you for my marriage and my family, and then the other one is, I will praise the name of God with a song. That's also an action, and I think it's really important for us to be aware and to know the types of music that, you know, we're putting on or listening to. Filling ourselves with. Filling ourselves with, and, you know, I'm not saying you can't listen to other things, but make sure that you are spending time praising God with a song, whether that's putting it on the radio or singing it out of a book or, you know, singing songs with your kids. I'll admit this. I make up songs. I just randomly sing them, whether I'm in the shower or walking around the house. I do, too. Are we a make up song family? I guess so. They don't always make sense, but I'll just like, instead of praying out loud, I'll sing it, or I don't know. I think that's kind of weird, but. I made up one last night with our friends. It was like, thank you God for friends and food and food and friends. I don't know. It was kind of silly. I do it silly, but I like it. I think it's fun, and I feel like I'm fulfilling this, when it says I will praise the name of God with a song. Yeah, and so going back to the magnify with him, magnify him with thanksgiving, I'm thinking about the first questions we were asking ourselves about the witness we have. There's another scripture that tells us to be ready to give an answer when someone asks us about the hope we have. And the first thing I thought of when I heard this was, oh, one of the best answers you can give is thanking God. Like, why do you have so much hope? How do you trust God so much? 'Cause I thank him. He's a good God. He gave me salvation in his Son Jesus. He's freed me from sin and death. He's empowered me to walk in purity. Like, all of the things that God has done for us, we can thank him for, and recognizing his goodness. So, magnifying him, so when someone asks, you be like, you know what? Thank God. So on the flip side to this, a person that's unthankful won't even ever get that question. That's a good point, 'cause you're not gonna go up to someone and be like, hey, you just seem so down. What's your trick? How can I get some of that? How can I get some of that? Every time we're somewhere, you're just complaining about everything. I want some of that. They won't be asked. That's a good point. Yeah, will never get asked, actually. People get avoided that are like that. Yeah. That are always down. So don't be them. Like, I saw this meme. I follow these nutritionists and strength training experts on Instagram, and there was this post he did. He said 10 things to stop doing right now, and the number one thing was stop hanging around negative people. So, like everyone, all of these positivity teachers and all these people that help people better their lives, they all say like, don't hang with negative people. So they actually got that from the Bible. It says bad company corrupts good morals. You know, we shouldn't be hanging out with negative people. 'Cause then we'll tend to have those tendencies. Yeah, and if you know someone that's negative, you should go out of your way to always be encouraging, and be like, you know what, I think that was a negative thought that you just, I don't think you're thinking right. God's good. Yeah. Look at how he's blessed you, and remind that person, 'cause what will happen is either they'll change or they'll stop hanging out with me, 'cause you're always encouraging them to see the brighter side of things. So what happens if that's your spouse? What if you guys are opposite there? Oh, well don't stop hanging out with your spouse. Do the other one. Pray for them. Pray for them, and constantly encourage them. Okay, I just wanted to. Yeah, constantly encourage them. But like, you know what, God's still good. I'm sorry you're going through that, but God's good. He's got us. Yeah, don't not hang out with your spouse. Thank you for highlighting that point. Okay, so I think you were gonna read Psalms 50:23. Yes, Psalms 50:23 says this: The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly, I will show the salvation of God, ooh. So it's interesting that it ties thanksgiving as a sacrifice, like it's something that you're giving to God, and you know what's funny, is, it's not funny, it just lines up with scripture. In the Passover meal, one of the cups that they drink filled with wine is the cup of thanksgiving, right? And so, and that was actually one of the Old Testament sacrifices, was a thanks offering, right? And we hear that at church sometimes, let's give a thanks offering, you know, but what it's saying is it's a sacrifice of thanks, and I feel like that ties so much when we think about being thankful for all things, almost like when we're thankful for the hard things, the suffering, we're actually saying, I'm gonna give this as a sacrifice to you, Lord. I'm gonna thank you anyway. That's really beautiful. You know, I'm gonna offer up my thanksgiving, even amidst the suffering. Thank you, Lord. And there's something immensely powerful in thanking God. It changes us. It transforms us. It gives us his perspective on life, and it tells him, God, we are lowly, and you are high. I also feel like it removes the power of the circumstances, 'cause I feel like so often, we can give power to our circumstances, and I don't know about anyone else listening, but for me, being a mom who works, but is also at home a lot and can get overwhelmed by just house management stuff, I feel like I can easily let my circumstances have power in my life to overwhelm me. And be controlled by them versus controlling yourself in them. Exactly. Yeah, that's a good point, because the thanksgiving stops the downward spiral. Yeah. Like, oh, you know, Lord? I'm just gonna stop right now and thank you. And well, it helps you, or it helps me, recognize who's got the power. Yeah, it's not us. It's God. It's God, and he's got the power to change our circumstances, and you know what, even when he allows us to go through hard things, he's still a good God. And we're gonna trust him. And we're gonna trust him. I loved what you said about that. Thanksgiving is trusting him. And so, where's your trust? Is it in yourself? Do you believe that you know better than God, or is he the one that knows better, and you trust him in it? Man, that's powerful. So I feel like we actually hit some of these tips already. That's okay. I think that we should go over them. But we'll give them the tips now. Okay, so we have five tips to give you guys, and these are just practical ways of kind of living out your day to day with a heart of thankfulness, and then one little bonus, so. Yeah. What's the first one? So the first one is say it out loud. Say it out loud that you're thankful. So when I bring you a towel, you tell me thank you, or. Yeah, it could be in the very simple things, especially in your marriage. Make sure your spouse knows that you're thankful for them. You're thankful for the ways that they do things, even if they're different than the way that you think they should be done. That was a tongue twister, but yes. I know. I get what you're saying. Being thankful when. I'm talking to myself. I'm preaching to the choir. Yeah, just saying thank you, and not just making it a passive like, oh, thank you, but like, wow, I really appreciate what you did. I really appreciate the way you did that like we do with our kids at the dinner table. I've been practicing, every single time I sit down, have you guys thanked mom for this meal? Oh, yeah, thanks, mom. Have you thanked dad for this meal? And they're like, thank you, thank you. Like, we're just trying to show 'em, when you're thankful, it shows that you appreciate what you have. Yeah, or how about when the waitress sets down the food at the table. Thank you, or when we're. No, they don't need to be thanked, right? 'Cause that's their job? I guess you could walk back to the kitchen. No, that again goes back to our witness. I was like, I guess you can go thank the chef, but. No, absolutely. They're doing a job, and that's, again, a part of our witness, is going out of our way. Speaking of waitresses, one thing I've been practicing is learning their name, and that also lets them know that they're appreciated and that they're thought of and that they're a person. Yeah. And they're doing a job, and we can thank them for the job they're doing. I was also gonna say like, when you're at fellowship or around friends and someone serves you or gives you something, make sure that they know that you're thankful. But don't just say it out of lip service. When we say say it out loud, it's an overflow of your heart, and you're verbalizing what is actually in your heart. And if you're someone who's not thankful for even the little things, maybe you can start practicing this, just saying it out loud. So actually, when I looked down at the tip, I thought it said we sing it out loud. Oh, you can sing it out loud. And I feel like that's a good little bonus, is that you were talking about music, is having hymns and songs and praises, you know, playing in the house, or just singing our thankfulness. Thank you. That's a good one. The kids like to sing, you know? So it's a good way to help them practice praising God. Okay. And thanking him. Okay, so number two is we remind each other to be thankful, and this goes back to when I said you're really good at this. Reminding your spouse, no matter what's going on, no matter how easy or hard your circumstances are, you're reminding each other, hey, let's be thankful today. Hey, you can do this. Let's be thankful for what we've got going on. Let's remember who our Lord is. Yep, so when I thought about this tip, most of the Old Testament is a story of remembering and forgetting. If you just read the whole Old Testament in context, it's remembering and forgetting. Remembering what God did, forgetting what God did. This is how the people of Israel's relationship with God went throughout the generations before Jesus came. And you know, we fall into those patterns sometimes, and God, right after he saved the Israelites in a powerful way, you know, the 10 plagues, going through the Red Sea, and they're into the wilderness, and they're going, and they just immediately start complaining. Lord, it was better off back then. Did you lead us out here to die? No, of course he didn't. He just saved them in a miraculous way. He can't take care of them? He did this amazing thing, and they just forgot. And so God, he warns 'em. He says, don't forget where you've come from. Yeah, that's good. And, you know, we forget. We can sit here in our home, in our nice home, and forget that we have a home, and think, oh, it's just so messy, and how, you know, I can't believe I didn't do this, or I forgot to go set up the thing, and all the things, we allow that to, woe is me, right? Yeah. And we both get into this on the various aspects of how we manage our home or our vehicles or our bank accounts or whatever it is, and we forget that God gave it all to us. Yeah. That God's the one that's put it in our trust, and that God's the one that can take it away, as Job tells us, you know? He says God giveth and God taketh away, and we forget that actually, God has that authority in our life. So, practicing what God told the Israelites to practice and what he gave them tons of things to do, all the ceremonies, all of the festivals, all the new moon feasts. All of those things were to remember what God did. It's why we take communion. Jesus said do this in remembrance of me and what I did on the cross, 'cause how often do we forget about our salvation? You know, if everything was taken away, babe, would you still have something to be thankful for? Absolutely. What? Salvation. Yeah, that we get to be with our Father in heaven forever. Yeah. So, that's that tip of just practicing remembrance. And so, when your spouse is going through a season or a time of like, they're down, they're unthankful, they're struggling with things in their life, the other spouse can gentle remind them, be like, hey, just remember. Remember what God's done for us. Remember, we don't deserve any of this. Yeah, and you don't have to be going through a hard time to remember. I think, I would suggest on your next date night, you know, have a conversation about where God has taken your relationship from and where he's brought you to. It's a thankfulness date. Yeah, yeah, have a thankfulness date. That sounds awesome. And then start off with thanking God that you're on the date. That means you probably got a babysitter. Yeah, that's great. So, yeah, I think it's important just to remind each other. So this is number three, and it says thank God through prayer. So when you're praying, you guys should be praying with your spouse and be praying at all times throughout the day. Remember, pray without ceasing. But be thankful in your prayers, so telling God why you're thankful and lifting those things up. Yeah, this is actually, so, for all the people that wonder how to pray without ceasing, 'cause people always bring that up, like, let's be in prayer without ceasing. You know, Matt, actually, our pastor, brought this up on Sunday. It means to be in constant communion with the Lord, and one way you can do that is thank God throughout the day for everything. Ah, thank you Lord for this car. Thank you, Lord, for this food that I'm having at lunch. Thank you for my partner that I'm working with that's helping me out. Thank you, Lord, for that friend that just gave me a smile as they walk by. Thank you, like, and just thanking God. That's a perfect way to commune with God throughout the day. Yeah, I think that this is how we taught our kids how to pray, too. Like, one of the biggest ways that we taught our kids how to pray is. Thanking God. Asking them, well, what are you thankful for? Oh, let's tell God that, you know? That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah, so, in prayer, thanking God through our prayer life, just thanking him directly. Thank you, Lord. So what's number four? So number four is make it a conversation in your home. Make it a conversation with your spouse. Make it a conversation with your kids, and we do something. We go around the table at dinner time, and we say, okay, what are you guys' highlights? So think about your whole day and what stood out to you, and we'd like to talk about it. Yeah, what was something that you really enjoyed, and usually it's a kind of thanksgiving. It's like, oh, I really enjoyed that one thing, or that awesome thing. Sometimes our kids say everything, the whole day. Or they mention something from three months ago. I feel like they're just trying to get out of having to think of something, but that's kind of cool, that they say the whole day. But I think that it is important to make it a conversation where you constantly talking about things that you're thankful for, because it goes back to that remembrance of like, we have to remind our flesh to be thankful, and so we're constantly talking about it. So, number five is practice putting scriptures about thankfulness on the walls. Oh, that's great. Like we have our chalkboard. You know, do a study on thankfulness. As a family, as a husband, as a wife, open up and find all the words and the stories about being thankful and what the Bible says, and meditate on those. Remember them. Put them on Post-It notes all over your home. Put them on your chalkboards if you have those, and just let the word of God translate and change our minds and the way we think, you know, about complaining versus thankfulness, which leads us into our bonus one. The bonus one, which is. Kinda the opposite. It's kinda like, yeah, here's the opposite. It's don't complain. So if you guys wanna tackle, you know, ungratefulness and unthankfulness in your heart, you gotta stop complaining. Yeah, so, as a family, when you hear complaining, maybe make a rule, like no complaining. We're not allowed to complain about something. Hey, that sounded like a complaint. Be careful how you bring it up, but. Like with the kids sometimes I'll say we're the Smiths, and we do hard things, or we're the Smiths and we don't complain. We're the Smiths. We're not bored. We're not bored. We can go find something to do. Yeah, so making a habit of not complaining, because complaint is, again, it's saying that we're not getting something we're owed, we're not getting something we deserve. And then you're just training your flesh to be okay with that. Yeah, and 'cause that's what the flesh wants. The fleshly response is to complain, like the Israelites did. The spiritual response is to be thankful. And so, that is our little discussion on thankfulness and how it can invigorate our marriages, how it can empower our marriages, and how it can be used by God as a ministry in the world when people see our thankful hearts. And so we just hope that you guys would discuss this as a family and as a marriage and walk in thankfulness. Let's stop complaining. Let's be men and women of God who thank God for everything and in everything. We love you guys. We thank you for joining us this week, and we look forward to having you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? Find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com, and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.

We haven't figured out how to perfectly navigate social media in our marriage and family which is why we wanted to talk about this subject today. We talk about a few strategies to build healthy habits with social media in our home and we will talk about areas that we struggle with social media. We think it is time to start evaluating how social media is affecting our families and daily lives. There is a lot of good that can come from social media but there is a lot of unhealthy things as well. Aaron gets personal and shares his own addiction to social media we share stories of things our kids have told us because of us being on our phones in front of them and we both share how we can be better at how we engage with it on a daily basis. “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything." 1 Corinthians 6:12 -- Take our 31-day marriage prayer challenge today and join the 1000's of couples who have done it. https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/products/thirty-one-prayers-bundle -- FOR MORE MARRIAGE ENCOURAGEMENT https://marriageaftergod.com https://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES https://shop.marriageaftergod.com FOR WIVES https://unveiledwife.com https://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDS https://husbandrevolution.com https://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution READ: Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God. Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. And today we're gonna talk about social media and your marriage. Hey, thanks for joining us today. As usual we want to invite you to subscribe to our channel so that you're notified each time we upload a new episode. So I brought up today's topic to you and I said, "Hey, we should talk about social media." Not because we've conquered this beast, or have figured it all out, but more so because we're in the midst of trying to figure it out with having kids and seeing the impact in our family life using social media, not that our kids are using it but how we use it and they notice, but also using it for work and things like that, I just felt like it's an important conversation to have. So I thought, hey, we'll bring up the topic today, and those listening can maybe further the conversation in their own marriages at home because chances are they either want to be talking about it, or they've already been talking about it. Yeah, and a big part of us doing this podcast is to start the discussion in our own home. We've talked about it in the past, and we've tried implementing things, so we're gonna bring up some strategies, and things that we're still struggling with. And hopefully, we can find more healthy habits when it comes to social media, especially in a world where everyone's doing it. It's like social media is just a part of life right now. We were discussing before we started the podcast, when we were talking about the notes, that we grew up in a world that social media like didn't exist and then boom! Social media was everywhere, and there was no training for it, there was no preparation for it, there was no studies on it. It just was, and I also grew up, I don't know about you, but I didn't have a cell phone until I was like 18. Yeah, I was like 18, 17 or 18. But now every single person has a cell phone. Every single kid has a cell phone, and every cell phone is a smart phone, and it's got social media on it. And I think it's just about time that we start evaluating our home life and our use of social media, and the potential dangers of it for our marriages, for our kids, for our health. And just so those listening know, when we're talking about social media, I think everybody uses it in maybe a little bit different way, but it can be-- Or all of it. Or all of it, yeah, some people use one platform, some people use all of them. But we're talking about Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest. Twitter, YouTube. Snapchat, LinkedIn, there's so many. Snapchat, there's a bunch we don't even know about that people use. Yeah, YouTube, did you already say that? Yeah, YouTube, yeah. And so those are all just different avenues that we can have social-- Connections. Connections online, and it's become a way of life, but the question is how are we approaching it in our homes, in our marriages, and what's healthy, what's inappropriate, and I think we should talk about all of those things. Yeah, and I don't want this episode to seem like a downer because it's not. There's a lot of good that comes from social media. Obviously, we've been able to share ministry online in this way and so there's a lot of good that comes from it. A lot of relationship building, a lot of connection and healthy connection through using social media, and I think a lot of people using it would attest to that, but I think they also would agree that there are some negative sides and cons that we need to figure out. Yeah, and I want to start with a scripture just to give us an idea about this because it's not like we're saying social media is bad, you need to just get rid of it, no. For some of you that might be the case. We've had friends that just got rid of their social media accounts and just totally checked out, logged off. Yeah, or at least for a season they did, yeah. But the idea is to have a biblical perspective, a right perspective, a healthy perspective, a sober mentality about social media, so this is in 1 Corinthians, chapter six and it's verse 12. Paul is saying this. He says, "All things are lawful for me, "but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful for me, "but I will not be dominated by anything." And so this idea of yeah, as Christians, we have this freedom in Christ. This isn't necessarily bad, it's not a bad thing. May be lawful for us, but is it beneficial? May not be lawful for us but are we being dominated by it? And so those are some questions we can ask ourselves and it just helps us look at it and be like okay, may not be a bad thing but are we in control of it or is it controlling us? And so this is just one little bit of scripture that Paul gives us to have a better mentality to be approaching this with. So why don't we share just like a general overview of like where we're at with social media? Yeah, our life? Yeah. Yeah, because we're never on social media. Never. No, actually what's funny is social media is a part of our job, right? Which we, I often use as an excuse. I do too. Why I'm on social media. It's definitely one of those justifiers like, well, I have to do this. Yeah, like I need to keep up, I need to make sure that I'm watching what's going on and responding to people. Because we do legitimately use social media for our ministry online. Everyone that's watching and listening to this episode probably found out about it through social media, so it's definitely important to what we do but it's not everything we do. And so right now I would say I personally definitely have an unhealthy relationship with social media. I would just say that outright. It's actually something I'm currently, I was literally just laying in bed last night, praying about it. Oh, really? Yeah. So it's something that needs to be dominated by me and not dominating me, as that scripture in 1 Corinthians says. Yeah, that's good. And so it's something that I'm trying to adjust and figure out. I can definitely tell that I've got an addiction to it. Like I said, we grew up in a generation where social media just came out of nowhere and we weren't trained, we didn't have parents that grew up with it and said oh, you know, limit face time, limit screen time, limit all this stuff, and we didn't have any of that so it just happened. There's something about that infinite scroll where you just like, I don't know about you but-- Mindlessly scrolling? Yeah, sometimes I stop myself and I'm like what am I doing? I'm not even looking at what I'm scrolling through, I'm just addicted to the scroll. Yeah, like what's next, what's next? There's this, there is actually those pleasure hormones being released when you're on the internet. Studies have shown that it can be addictive. They haven't done enough studies on it but they're doing more and more and they're finding that it's social media itself, social media use is being tied to mental health and depression and anxiety and we can see that on a small level because there's times that we see someone else's life. We're like oh, that's nice. Get stuck in comparison. Yeah, which absolutely if we do that day-to-day and like if we don't have a healthy relationship with the Lord or with our family, like that could just fuel a fire that doesn't need to exist. But where I'm at is I definitely am on social media way too much and the reason I know that, because I can easily justify and say well, I need it for work and I need to be on. You know, yeah, it's unfortunate that I need to be on so much but some examples I can give you and you could probably pull out some examples too, being on the phone doing nothing, just mindlessly scrolling when I should be hanging out with my kids. When I'm supposed to be working, mindlessly scrolling. Like in bed next to you at nights when I could be with you or talking with you or being intimate with you or having a conversation or whatever, I'm scrolling. Okay, so can I share a story real quick? I just thought about this. I wasn't going to share it but 'cause I didn't know until you just said that. If I don't like the story, I'll cut it. Okay. But just go ahead. So the other day, it was probably like two weeks ago now I think, I was walking out to the car and you were already in the driver's seat waiting for me and you were looking down and I knew you were on your phone. Because I'm always on my phone. Well, yeah. And I got in the car and I remember saying hey, can I tell you something and you're all "What?" And I'm like, well, I used to really like it when I'd be walking out to the car and you'd be watching me because I would try and do something funny like dance or make a funny face or just knowing the fact that you're watching me walk out to the car, there was something, I don't know, reassuring and loving about that. Well, I think you're missing it 'cause you know, now you're recognizing it existed and now it doesn't. Exactly and so now there's even times where I go to dance or go to do something and I realize you're not looking at me and so then I feel kind of foolish but then I feel sad. Which is really sad. And I just remember telling you that I like it when your eyes are on me and I think that's one of the detriments to social media is our heads are always down, the eye contact is lost, and we miss those little opportunities or moments to be with each other even if we're walking to the car. I know it sounds silly but-- Well, it's ironic it's called social media. I feel like it's antisocial media, it's like-- Disconnection. Yeah, we have less real connections in life and I have a bunch of friends on Facebook. You know, oh, so many people liked my comment and my wife sitting next to me not liking what I'm doing. You know? It's really unfortunate. And this is us really talking about what we're dealing with. How are you, what's your relationship with social media right now? I would definitely say that I spend too much time on it and that's after cutting out, like being aware and trying to cut those times out so that I'm not on it as much. And having four children now, I am recognizing that my time is limited and very valuable and so I've been trying the last couple weeks to leave my phone in the bedroom during the day when I'm with the kids so that I'm not even on it but I still find myself looking for it or going back to it and bringing it out, asking one of the kids to go get it for me. But one of the biggest things that I've tried to implement recently was when I had Truitt, I had the baby. And with all my past babies while nursing, I would scroll on social media 'cause it was like downtime. I don't know why I just saw it as like this time where I have a free hand, the baby's nursing, everyone's fine, I could just scroll. Yeah, like what's the big deal? Yeah, what's the big deal? But with this-- When people used to read books and like learn something new or... Yeah, I'm just mindlessly scrolling. But I realized very quickly that with this experience with nursing, it's been incredible. I haven't had any like pain or hardship with nursing and so I've really enjoyed it, so I found myself not picking up my phone and then making that a more intentional thing, so now every time I go to nurse-- Like watching the baby, talking to him. Yeah, I keep my phone away from me and I look at him, I make eye contact with him, and I feel like there's this connection that needs to be there especially with nursing moms. And so that's just been a huge encouragement to me and a recognizing of I need to stay off my phone more. Yeah, another example of why it's probably super unhealthy, our relationships with our phones, is when we don't have our phones, the anxiety we feel. Yeah, that's a problem. Where, I don't have my phone. Where is it? Okay. Where is my phone? I think I do that every single time we get in the car. No, you do this. You're like, Aaron, I think I left my phone in the house and I go inside the house and I come back, you're like nope, it was in my pocket. It was in my pocket, I'm fine. It's happened like 100 times. Sorry. You're so kind to always go back and-- I know, I go look for it, I'm like it's not where you said it was. And you're like, oh, it was in my jacket pocket, I'm so sorry. But yeah, those anxieties you're feeling. And I bet everyone that's listening has experienced that. Like oh, where's my phone, or mindlessly scrolling. Like it's a common thing now. I almost feel like if we didn't do it, like if we just turned our phones off, right, I know we would go through withdrawals because I felt it before when we tried going like no technology for a day. It's hard. But we'd be weirdos. What? Yeah, because you'd go hang out with friends and all your friends are gonna be on their phones and you'd be like hey guys, you want to talk? Okay, this has happened to me before and I remember looking around going, okay, I guess I'll just go on my phone. Because everyone else is. Everyone else is. Oh, so I want to give an example. You just brought something to memory. Yeah, the one that just happened? Yeah, it just happened. So we have a really good friend over and she's, we haven't seen her in a while either, and she's talking to us about something, she's just telling us a story. This is why it's so bad, I don't remember what she was talking about. She's telling us a story and I'm on my phone. I didn't even realize I was on my phone. And I heard myself going huh, yeah, yeah. And she stopped and she said "Am I just talking to myself?" And Jennifer was on her phone. No, I wasn't. You weren't listening though. I was with the baby on the couch. Yeah, but I think you were looking down or something. I was not zoned in, yeah. But I was on my phone and Jennifer was like focusing on the baby or something and she just stopped and she said "Am I talking to myself right now?" And she was very kind about it and kind of funny and I looked up and I was all oh my gosh, I'm really sorry. I put my phone down, turned it off, pushed it away. Don't you just want to throw it away at that point? I felt like a jerk. You're just like let's just set this thing on fire. She was literally standing right next to me and I couldn't even listen to her. And I hadn't seen her in a while and it was so disrespectful. How often does that probably happen and people don't say "Am I just talking to myself?" They probably just move on and feel like not valuable. Yeah, Simon Sinek did a TED Talk. I was gonna bring this up. Was it TED Talk or was something else? It was some sort of viral Facebook video. And it was so convicting. And he was just saying, he's like the moment you pull your phone out. Even if you're not on it-- You're telling everyone in your presence that they're not as important. And it's so true. And I know like the feeling I had when she said "Am I talking to myself right now?" Because she literally was talking to herself. I was ignoring her and I was standing right next to her. And how many times has that happened with our kids? Yeah, okay, you gotta tell them the story with Elliott. I didn't want to point the finger at you. Guys, we have a bunch of really sad stories when it comes to social media because of how bad it is and this is why we're talking about it. But this is how people feel. Like people feel this way, kids feel this way, so share. Elliott's five. Go ahead. He's five years old and I don't even know, was it while he was five? Yeah, it was this year, you were outside. I'm outside and I walk out there and he's playing and he always wants me to play with him. And I have my phone in my hand of course and he just he goes, man, kids have a way of like stabbing you right in the heart. So he's like "Dad, what do you love your phone more than me?" And that was a legitimate thing he said and it wasn't like he'd ever heard someone say that before. That was hims telling me like hey, I'm right here and you're on your phone, what are you doing? Like I want you to play with me. That was a wake up call for both of us. I don't know why my son has to be so intrinsically like thoughtful, like the way thinks and he's just got a way of being, he's super intelligent. And I looked at him and I said no. I said of course not but Elliott, you're right, there's no reason why you would think otherwise. And I put my phone down. I said of course I love you more than my phone and I'm gonna work on not being on my phone in front of you. And so just we're not getting to our strategies yet but one of the things that we've done is we've told our kids that they're allowed to tell us to get off our phones. Yeah, well, because we're-- Dad, get off your phone. We're like in training as parents. We're like trying to figure this out. Yeah, we have to figure out how to rightfully and correctly and soberly use our phones. Because social media is not bad but it's bad. And we have to know that we're setting an example for their hearts. Like how are they gonna feel as they grow up when they get their phones? They're gonna remember mom and dad are even still always on their phones and I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be that way. And it's bad. So because of these kind of events that have happened, we're becoming more aware of it and we have got to figure something out. It's got to be fixed, like we've got to put our phones down. And we've tried making rules like not having our phones on us when we're around the kids or not having them in our bed. You know, we've dropped the ball on a lot of those just because of how connected we've been to social media. But I am, as sad as these intimate moments have been with these people that we absolutely love, I feel like they've been wake-up calls for us and I feel like that is what's starting the change. And I'm glad that you're willing to share some of those stories because I feel like people listening will hear those and think, oh man, does my child feel that way or does my friend think of me this way? And maybe they just haven't said anything. And maybe that would be-- Well, lots of people feel that way. I know even though I do it, I feel that way when someone does it to me. I'm like hey, I'm like are we talking, what's going on? Are we gonna be on our phones? Something that we've kind of incorporated within the group of friends that we have is saying who you hanging out with right now? Yeah. And it's like this cue of like, hey, we're all doing something together and you're on your phone. Are you hanging out with your phone and people on social media, or are you hanging out with us? Are you being present? And so it's like our cue to like, oh no, I'm not hanging out with anyone, put it away. Sorry, I'm hanging out with you guys. You guys can use that if you want. Yeah, that's a little tip for your friends. Yeah, who you hanging out with? Just a little vocal reminder of like get off your phone and hang out with us. We know some people that have done like phone baskets where everyone puts their phones in but we haven't done that but I know other people have. Yeah, okay, so moving on. Do you have any stories of like social media and specifically our relationship and maybe how it's caused some either tension in our relationship or temptation for sin? Well, yeah, like I've struggled with pornography my whole life and social media didn't make that any better. Gave more access. It gave me more access to things and it's still a danger and can have temptations involved with it, but I don't give in to those temptations now. But one of the things that has always been hard is like you would be on my, 'cause we have access to each other's phones, you just knowing like oh, he's following that girl or who's that or who's that? And just the things that you would see might make you feel insecure. And then I remember for a while, there were certain people that you would follow and I would ask you like why are you following that person? And we had a good conversation about it a while ago. What was that about? So yeah, there's this girl that I was following and I was following her because I liked her lifestyle and I liked how she looked. It was all vanity in my opinion but I didn't realize that I was even doing it. And I don't know if I was talking about her or he looked over my shoulder and saw that-- I think I looked over, you were in bed scrolling through her feed. Scrolling through her feed and you just asked me like, well, can I ask why you're following her? And that was the first time that I had to stop and consider why I was following someone and really think about it. And I wanted to really think about it because I thought it was an important question. And I thought, you know what, I was even honest with you. I said I don't know why I keep going back to her feed but I'm jealous of her. I think she's really beautiful, she has a beautiful family, they go on these vacations. Did you feel like you'd coveted like what she had? I did, I did. And I would often go back especially in times where I felt discontent or whatever and I don't know why it made me feel better just to go look and see what is she up to? How is she happy? And I remember after telling you that, you said you should evaluate whether you should be following her or not. And after that, I decided not to follow her and it's actually been healthier for my heart. Yeah, not that that woman was doing anything wrong. No, it wasn't her fault, it was my own heart condition and I had to check it. Yeah, and there's a lot of things that we do. Like so something that I've made a commitment to on my social media and I told you about this is I went through and I unfollowed every girl. Not that any of them were immodest or anything like that but I just, I made a decision. I said there was first of all no reason I needed to be following any girls. That was just for me personally. Like if it was a friend of ours, right, because I even unfollowed our friends, I followed usually their husband. And if there was something that I needed to see, you followed them and you'd be like hey, so-and-so did this, did you see that? Or you could share it with me. But I just realized, I evaluated like why am I following certain people, which this goes back to how social media is developed and evolved and what it's convinced every single person of. It's convinced us that if we don't like someone or follow someone, then we must not be friends with them. Right? When I have a lot of friends outside of social media that I don't follow on social media and I actually have great relationships with them. Do you feel like it forces you to stay in communications in other ways with them? Yeah, I mean-- Like better ways? In some ways, but again like the women, I wouldn't contact them privately. Oh, right. So why would I be following them privately? So I got to, I just realized, I evaluated who am I following and why am I following them? You know, is it actually adding benefit to my life? Do I need to be following them? Like I like to follow family and some friends and to see what's going on their life because I can't keep up with them all the time, which is totally fine. So I unfollowed all the girls on both Facebook and Instagram. You've been through there. You've seen there's no girls anymore. And in reality, I didn't need to. If I needed to know something about a friend of ours' wife, you'll let me know. And usually I don't need to know, thanks, it doesn't matter. But that's just one thing that I did and that was something I did for myself and also something I did for you 'cause I was like I don't need my wife feeling insecure about anyone I'm following. Not that you are trying to be insecure or that you're jealous but doing those things inadvertently do cause those situations. And I'll be honest, knowing that you've struggled with pornography in your past, knowing that you had social media accounts was in itself an insecurity because I would always question what are you doing? Who, why? And that was hard for me for a really long time but regaining that trust with you and seeing that you haven't been with that struggle for a very long time now, that we've rebuilt that. And so I'm not as insecure. But you've also seen me make decisions with social media that match that purity. Like you having access to it, me showing you, me talking about it, me not messaging people privately, me not following girls at all. Those are just fruit of the way I'm walking in. It's my way of protecting myself because if I know I'm prone to something, I'm like, well, I should avoid that, right? And so trying to find those healthy boundaries. But again, even on the not being tempted with the lustful stuff, I still struggle with the scrolling. Which could be just as destructive, you know. Yeah, okay, so in talking about social media, one thing that you really wanted to touch on was idleness. We both have struggled with this at times and so-- Right, it lines up with the idea of just mindless scrolling. So the word idle, a lot of times we usually define that as like doing nothing, right? But it's actually broader than that, it's more than that. It's doing something that's meaningless or doing something that's fruitless, right? So it's not just like sitting in your chair doing nothing. That's not necessarily being idle. Being idle is doing things that are worthless. So filling up your time with things that don't matter. With busyness, right? And so in Proverbs 19:15, it says "Slothfulness casts into a deep sleep, "and an idle person will suffer hunger." So there's just this idea of like, the Bible talks a lot about laziness, a lot about idleness, a lot about slothfulness, and this idea that like don't be unwise, a foolish lazy idle person. And there's another scripture I'll get into. But it says an idle person will suffer hunger, right? Now we can look at that and just on the practical reality side, an idle person that's filling their time up with nothing, like I'm just doing hobbies. Well, I need time for my hobbies. They're not gonna be productive, they're gonna, you know. We live in a city that is known for its adventure sports and we always hear about like during the summer, people calling in sick because they want to go bike riding. Or in the winter, people calling in sick because they want to go snowboarding. And that to me is idleness. Eventually someone who has an attitude of that is just gonna get fired, right? So just on the practical side, being idle is not gonna produce income, right? You're gonna be lazy, you're not gonna have a job. But the other kind of hunger I think of is the word, right? An idle person that's filling up their time, me, and this is what I've been struggling with is I'm scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Then I realize, I'm like why did I just sit here for 20 minutes scrolling when I could've been in the word of God? I could have been praying. That's good. I could have been spending time with you. So the hunger, I look at on a whole 'nother level of like spiritual and emotional and physical, right? You know I hunger for time with you and yet I don't give you time. That's really good, babe. So I look at the the depravity and the danger of idleness and that could be what social media is for many people. I know it is for me and I'm just confessing that, that I can find myself being idle and I'm recognizing it now. Now I go in the bedroom, I'm like oh, I'm gonna read my Bible, I bring my Bible and I bring my phone in too. And then you get a notification, ding. And like I just gotta quickly, ding. And then like 30 minutes went by and like what did I just do? I just wasted my time. So the next scripture is also in Proverbs. It's in Proverbs 31 and this is talking about the Proverbs 31 woman, right? But it's just another way of describing what I'm talking about. 31:27. "She looks well to the way of her household "and does not eat the bread of idleness." Right, so we go back to like a Proverbs 31 woman looks well to her home and doesn't eat the bread of idleness, right? Which is funny 'cause the last one talked about hunger and this is saying you're eating the bread of idleness, like idleness is a food you're eating but it actually gives you no sustenance. That makes sense in what you were sharing and how it's not that you're just sitting there not doing anything, you're doing some-- It's an activity you're doing. You're eating something, it's just not filling you with nutrients. Right, and so in this situation for this woman who's trying to manage her home well and bless her husband and her children. Are you hinting at me? No, well, maybe. This is for both of us, right? I know, I know. You know, she is sacrificing the health and well-being of her home for nothing. That's literally what she's doing. That's insanity. It's crazy. It's crazy. So we just want to like look at these and say okay, are we being idle? Is this fruitless? Is it taking away from my relationships, my relationship with God? Is it's getting in the way of my relationship with my children? And those are some serious questions we can ask ourselves about social media. It's something that I'm asking myself currently, something that I'm praying about regularly, and I'm trying to make changes in. And so maybe what we can go into is some of the strategies that we've implemented, some that we want to implement, just to give like a good idea because the people that are listening and watching might want them because I'm sure that they deal with this too. We just live in social media-ville. It's like life right now. It's true. Okay, so one of the first ones that we started out doing when we first got on Facebook was we share passwords and we're very transparent with giving each other access to each account. And this is just a good overall, being one in your marriage and protecting each other is access. Like my wife knows that she can get on my phone, we have the same password for our phones and for our computers. She can look through my search history, she could be on my phone, she can see whoever I'm following, she can see things I've liked, she has access. Now we've had marriages and people say I don't need to do that, they just need to trust me and blah blah blah. Like they take it to a negative level. That's fine, you want to be that way, go ahead. I'd rather be safe. I'd rather my wife feel like she can trust me, I'd rather my wife. Now you almost never even check. No, but in the past there has been moments where I'll see something that triggers this curiosity of like do I trust you and what are you guys talking about? And I'll click on stuff or visit and then turns out it was nothing and that affirms me. And yeah, I'm at the point now where I don't really need to check in but-- And the goal even if you did-- But I know that I can. Even if you did check in, the goal shouldn't be to see if I'm wronging you. The goal should be to see if I'm sinning because you are my wife and you're my helper. And the advice for us, I shouldn't be checking because I'm like jealous and I want to make sure that you're not talking to anyone. I'm checking to see if you're being safe and my whole goal would be to reconcile with you and to help you walk in purity and vice-versa, right? Not because I just want to see if I'm being wronged here. And so sharing passwords and giving access and verbally giving access, meaning hey, if you ever want to grab my phone. Our pastor does this often. To the men, he's like you have access to my phone. Like he wants the other men to be accountable or him to be accountable to us and he just says if you want to look at my phone, go ahead. I mean, that's what's good about being a part of a good community. So what's the next one? Another one is talking about your experiences on social media, so this is kind of a two-parter. So it'd be like, hey, I saw so-and-so on Facebook say this or do this, did you see? Or you know, just inviting each other into those spaces. So the other part of this is sharing your experiences from social media and feelings that you have because of it. If you're wrestling with insecurities or comparison or-- Or getting mean messages from people. Yeah, are you talking to your spouse about those things and are you inviting them into that space and just talking about it? Yeah, so being open and transparent with your experience with social media so that it's an open conversation, that's good. So what's the next one? So another one is permission to ask questions. This is one that I feel like you're really good at, that we're both really good at in our relationship and it has helped protect our marriage and protect our hearts. And that's just, you know, asking those hard questions. When you asked me why are you following so-and-so, that's a hard question and it made me really consider why. Yeah, and when you're asking the questions, is that before you ask the question on both parties, the husband and the wife, ask yourself why you're asking the question. Are you asking because you're insecure yourself or you're jealous or you're fearful, or you're asking because you actually are interested in the well-being and the purity and the holiness of your spouse? Which doesn't mean if you feel those other things, don't not ask it, it means reconcile first and say okay, I'm feeling a certain way, I need to let them know that. Hey, I just saw you looking at such-and-such and actually I'm feeling a little insecure right now and I want to know why you are following that person or why you were looking at that. And we've had couples, we've had wives and husbands talk on both sides, say hey, my husband just won't stop following these girls that I've asked him not to follow. And he says why, they're friends from school, it's not a big deal. Wives following old boyfriends and vice versa. So there's got to be an openness not only for the questioning but also a permission to be like hey, I actually would appreciate if you didn't follow so-and-so. And that's one of the other ones was being willing to delete those relationships that are just really unnecessary. Because your marriage is the most important thing. Yeah, and here's a good warning sign. If we're being defensive about unfollowing someone on social media, there's a problem. There's a problem. Because guys, it's social media. Unfollowing someone and unliking someone's page and not seeing their posts online does not make you not like that person. Doesn't mean that you don't have a relationship with that person. Now if the only relationship you have is online, then all the more, why is it a big deal? So if there's a defensiveness welling up like what's the big deal, you need to ask yourself why you're being defensive. That's really good. Like why are you trying to protect this social media thing over here versus your spouse who has a concern? So recently I've been telling the kids when they're arguing over a toy or just upset at each other, I always tell them that toy is not more important than your brother's heart. It's true. And so I just think about that in context to marriage and social media and just think like social media is not more important than your spouse's heart. It's not. Guys, marriages existed for thousands of years without social media. It's probably better off without it. Right? So we just remember that social media is, if we're getting defensive, there's probably an addiction there to the platform itself. There's probably some sort of connection to whoever you're being asked to stop following. You got to ask, you got to pray through those things. You got to ask yourself why am I being defensive with that? Another way that we've been really good at protecting our marriage through social media is whenever someone messages me that is a man, I'll usually say please contact at Husband Revolution and I'll tag you right away. Or if it's a friend of ours, we'll just tag each other in that message so that everyone's a part of it and there's transparency there. Yeah, we haven't been perfect doing this every single time but again we talk about things so if someone messages me that's a friend of ours, I'll let you know. Hey, so-and-so messaged me, just want you to know. And so there's an openness there. We have a pretty straightforward rule on just not having private communications with the opposite sex online. So you know, I get people, being on social media, being a social media ministry, I get women all the time messaging me and I usually give very short answers or no answer at all, right? So there is no long-term communication. If they ask for advice, I don't give advice. Just say oh. So one thing I'll answer and this is an example, just so you know. Someone will ask like what Bible version I use. I use ESV. Yeah, really like to the point. Yeah, there's no conversation, there's no, okay, cool. If you want to know more, message Unveiled Wife. And so very short or no answer at all and that's just kind of where I've landed the plane on not getting myself in trouble. Yeah, nope, same here. Okay, so the last one that I have on here is be willing to put it away, whether that's a season of like not logging in or if it's just a daily hey, I'm gonna go put my phone away because I want to be with you, I want to be present with you, I want to be with our children, and be willing. Yeah, I think I would take that. So the willingness should be good, like this is another thing. We've given each other permission to say put the phone away. Which is hard because we get defensive, like what's the big deal? I haven't had, I've been on all day. Okay, okay, I don't sound just like that. And we're like fighting. I didn't say you did. You just told everyone you do. I know, I do, you guys. I get really defensive sometimes. We both do. You'll ask me to put it away and I'll be like I'm not. And then I recognize I'm being defensive and I'm like So giving permission to tell each other please put the phone away. But the willing to put it away part, I think it should go even further and we should be proactively putting our phones away, getting off social media. I think I need to be putting in the other room and not having access to it when I'm with the kids so that they don't see me picking up my phone and you know, oh, it's checking it. 'Cause I'm always checking it for no reason. Like there's nothing. And like I said, like Simon Sinek, you're just letting everyone in the room know that they're less important than your phone. It breaks my heart, you guys, it's so sad. Such a good quote. Actually the whole document, we should link to it. Yeah. So that's what we have for you guys today and, you know, we just want to remind you that a marriage after God is one that values their marriage relationship and like I said earlier, social media is not more important than your spouse's heart. Social media is not more important than your heart, Aaron. I know. And I want to treat you with that respect and love and concern and value. Ditto. And so from this day forward. Till death do us part from our phones. I promise to do a little bit better. -We are gonna work on it. We are. We have to work on it because I don't want my kids growing up feeling less than because of our phones. And I don't want to feel less than. I mean, I don't want you to feel less than, both. Yeah. The other thing a marriage after God should be willing to do is to evaluate these things and look at every aspect of our lives and say okay, what needs to be changed? What needs to be cut out? What needs to be destroyed, put away? And so social media might be that or at least needs to be re-evaluated and put into check, right? Which means as we wrap up this episode, go call your spouse or unless they're watching this with you, listening with you-- Yeah, watch this first and then put your phone away or your computer. Oh, 'cause they're on social media. My point is go have that conversation, go talk to each other about some of the strategies that you can implement that will help protect your marriage. Yeah. Alright, we thank you for joining us this week and we look forward to having you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? Find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.

Take Our 31-day Marriage Prayer Challenge: https://shop.unveiledwife.com/products/thirty-one-prayers-bundle In this episode, Jennifer and I share 5 verses each of us like to pray for each other. Prayer is so important for a thriving Christian marriage and we know that God desires us to pray to him for everything which is why it is our hope to encourage you and your spouse in your prayer life. We want to inspire you to pray with and for each other every day. Here are 10 verses you can pray over your spouse. -- Take Our 31-day Marriage Prayer Challenge: https://shop.unveiledwife.com/products/thirty-one-prayers-bundle Aaron's Peacemaker shirt: https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/collections/apparel/products/peacemaker -- FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT https://marriageaftergod.com https://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES https://shop.marriageaftergod.com FOR WIVES https://unveiledwife.com https://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDS https://husbandrevolution.com https://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution

The Marriage Prayer.

The Marriage Prayer.

April 19 St. Gianna Beretta Molla (1922-1962) With great faith and courage, Gianna Molla made the choice that enabled her daughter to be born. We can often wish that we were in different circumstances, but holiness frequently comes from making difficult c

Do you prayer together as a married couple?

Do you prayer together as a married couple?

If you want to be truly "selfish" as a husband, lay down your life for your wife. You'll find authentic joy.

If you want to be truly "selfish" as a husband, lay down your life for your wife. You'll find authentic joy.

If the Bible is true, my only viable choice is to work to make my marriage as good as it can be.

If the Bible is true, my only viable choice is to work to make my marriage as good as it can be.