BOWIE VS. DYLAN

Say there: Are you one of the lucky few Bowie vs. Dylan fans who have invented and/or participated in time travel, thereby allowing yourselves to go forward a few (dozen) years in time and pick up the Bowie vs. Dylan archival release deluxe edition box set, and then travel back to the present day to compare that future release, which of course includes Episode #68 (Top 10 Archival Releases), to the current one (Episode #68, Top Ten Archival Releases), just to see if the archival bonus material is truly revelatory, or just another shameless cash grab from we here at Bowie vs. Dylan?   You did?   Well, then can we offer you a full refund on this podcast in the present day?  Or at the very least, can we offer a compromise that I think will work out excellently for both parties?  Here's the deal: we here will send you there compact discs of each 10 minute segment of "Ep 68" (as its colloquially known in the future, but of course you already know that), each of the 14 discs in its own lovingly rendered mass-produced cardboard sleeve and meant to be housed in 6 different boxes of varying sizes, which are sold separately and (checks online) just sold out.  The shipments of each disc and box will be extremely late and each piece will incur an extra shipping charge. In return, you there will send us 175 buckaroos, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Thanks podcast audience, for choosing and paying handsomely for this LIVE from bowievs.dylan.com concert experience!  We thank you kindly for your patronage, and we hope you enjoy this LIVE concert experience! Editor's note: this experience is neither concert, nor LIVE.  What's that you say?  You figured that out the moment you clicked on the link that you paid handsomely for?  You didn't want to pay for a tasteful black and white-filmed rendition of BvD's greatest early hits, only this time in differing Americana-flavored arrangements? Well, that's all fine and good, but I bet you also didn't want to pay handsomely for 6 nearly-identical David Bowie concerts from the 90's, plus a frickin' sold-out BOX to house them in, plus shipping and handling on each and every one, only to find that neither the CD's or the box were actually arriving on time, did you?  But you did. And I bet you didn't want to pay handsomely for 2 separate (but nearly identical) super-deluxe editions of a sprawling Bob Dylan Bootleg Series exclusively dedicated to the most wayward and frankly cheesy period of his career, now did you?  But you did. So just can it, pal.  We here at Bowie vs. Dylan know that you there will pay handsomely for any content that we here spew out, because we here are now a legacy act, and just you there wait until we're dead because that's really when the spigot gets blasting. Happy New Year from Bowie vs. Dylan!

Charlie discusses Yo La Tengo's 1993 album "Painful", which is his entry for the "Late Bloomers" theme.  Jake listens to it at the gentle behest of Charlie, and wants to discuss it as well, but is too busy gazing at his shoes and tinkering with that damn organ to really do it justice. Ouch!  That really hurts, it's almost painful, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

On this episode, Jake discusses Wilco's 1995 album "Being There", which is his entry for the "Late Bloomers", or as it's more colloquially known, "Albums We Didn't Like at First but Came To Love", theme.  Chaz listens to it  at the gentle behest of Jake, and wants to discuss it as well, but is too busy traveling in a time machine to recommend it to Jake again in the year 2000, just so that he can take credit for Jake's hopeless love affair with it even more in the year 2021 on this podcast. There's rows and rows of houses, with the windows painted blue, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

t's an extravaganza!   If by extravaganza, you mean a continuing little break from our usual format to present a celebration and countdown of hosts Jake and Charlie's favorite albums from the years of our Lord 1970-1974 in an alternating format that starts this time at #5 and finally ends at #1, then yes!   It's definitely an extravaganza, on this edition of Louder Than Sound.

t's an extravaganza!   If by extravaganza, you mean a little break from our usual format to present a celebration and countdown of hosts Jake and Charlie's favorite albums from the years of our Lord 1970-1974 in an alternating format but stopping at our number 6 album and continuing next time with the rest, then yes!   It's definitely an extravaganza, on this edition of Louder Than Sound.

On this episode, Jake discusses The Jayhawks' 2011 album "Mockingbird Time", which is his entry for the "Breakup Albums" theme.  Chaz listens to it  at the gentle behest of Jake, and wants to discuss it as well, but is exhausted by the thought of how he's going to go about becoming estranged from Jake again, honestly, this time it better stick because Jake's just out here touring with the Louder Than Sound podcast and using the name even though clearly it wouldn't work without him, and now he's never speaking to Jake again.  Again. Plus the last Louder Than Sound album was absolutely terrible, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

Charlie discusses St Vincent's 2019 album "Masseduction", which is his entry for the "Break Up Albums" theme.  Jake listens to it at the gentle behest of Charlie, and wants to discuss it as well, but is too engaged at the moment with popping pills and reveling in some light and consensual BDSM. The safe words are "Louder than Sound" on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

On this episode, Jake discusses Robert Plant and Alison Krauss' album "Raising Sand", which is his entry for the "Unlikely Collaborators" theme.  Chaz listens to it as well at the gentle behest of Jake, and wants to discuss it as well, but the sand raised by the artists is in his eyes and scratching them badly, plus all of Alison Krauss' 27 Grammys are clogging up the works. There's a lot going on here, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

Charlie discusses Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharach's album "Painted From Memory", which is his entry for the "Unlikely Collaborations" theme.  Jake listens to it at the gentle behest of Charlie, and wants to discuss it as well, but found himself awash in a pastiche-tinged 60's pop fever dream instead. It was a bit of challenge overall, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

On this episode, Jake discusses John Vanderslice's 2011 album "White Wilderness", which is his entry for the "Albums Of One" theme.  Chaz listens to it as well at the gentle behest of Jake, and wants to discuss it as well, but is so busy ravaging the indie legend John Vanderslice with John Mayer and Jack Johnson comparisons that he disappears up his own butt in a spectacular display of poor referentialism.   But at least he likes the album alot, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

Charlie discusses Laurie Anderson's 1982 album "Big Science", which is his entry for the "Albums of One" theme.  Jake listens to it at the gentle behest of Charlie, and wants to discuss it as well, but can't speak about the mundane yet profound outrageousness of life (and consequently, the album) without a constant "huh" noise of his own creation on an endless loop in the background, and he couldn't figure out how to produce one in time even though the technology has existed since the late 1970's. But then again, Chaz doesn't like the color of his sweaters anymore anyway, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

On this episode, Jake discusses Roy Acuff's nebulous compilation of material recorded in the early 50's "The Great Roy Acuff", which is his entry for the "Music Recorded Before 1955" theme.  Chaz listens to it as well at the gentle behest of Jake, and wants to discuss it, but gets so into the country-western vibe that his voice gets stuck in a twang so twangy that it becomes incomprehensible. And don't even get me started on the near-yodeling, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

Charlie discusses Washington Phillips' compilation album "Washington Phillips and His Manzarene Dream", which is his entry for the "Music Recorded Before 1955" theme, it having been recorded in the late 1920's and early 1930's.  Jake listens to it and discusses as well, but gets so worked up and full of the genuine spirit that he leaves the podcast right then to become a full-time jackleg preacher, which he realizes is a bit against the spirit of jackleg preaching, as he thinks by definition is a part-time unpaid gig. But so is this podcast anyway, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

Very special guest Tim Rebers discusses Frank Sinatra's 1955 album "In the Wee Small Hours", which is the inaugural entry for new theme "Music Recorded Before 1955".  Jake and Charlie listen to it and discuss in tandem as well, but are frankly not as knowledgable and charming as Tim, so they resort to crooning sad sack tunes about watching the breath they breathe from their lungs on a cold day in January that's enough past Christmas to feel bittersweetly about it, but also far enough from spring that the frigid air burns not just their lungs and nose but also their yet-thawed hearts.  They think it's a metaphor?

Charlie discusses Bridget Bardot and Serge Gainsbourgs' 1968 collaborative album "Bonnie and Clyde", which is his not first, but second entry for the "Albums That Hit Us Hard in 2020" theme.  Jake listens to it and discusses as well, but got so, so sick from trying to chain-smoke unfiltered French cigarettes for the entirety of its running time, and about halfway through got his face stuck in an overly-swarthy leer when his unfortunate wife accidentally walked in on him listening. Comme ci, comme ca, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

Is everyone ready for 2022 yet? On this episode, Jake discusses Aimee Mann's 2017 album "Mental Illness", which is his not first, but SECOND entry for the "Albums That Hit Us Hard in 2020" theme.  Chaz listens to it as well, and discusses as well, at the gentle behest of Jake, and wants to discuss it as well, but is so overwhelmed by the general classiness and empathy of the album that his vocal cords start crying every time he tries to say something. We're looking at a goose snow cone, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

Happy continuing New Years, everybody! On this episode, Charlie discusses Arthur Russell's 1986 album "World of Echo", which is his entry for the "Albums That Hit Us Hard in 2020" theme, despite it clearly not coming out in 2020.  Jake listens to it and discusses as well, but thought it might have come out 2020 for all the influences he hears from it in today's new-fangled minimalist sad-sack reverb bandz. Bet poor Arthur didn't know he'd created a new musical micro-genre, did he, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

Happy New Years, everybody! On this episode, Jake discusses Kahil El'zabar's 2020 album "America the Beautiful", which is his entry for the "Albums That Hit Us Hard in 2020" theme.  Chaz listens to it as well, and discusses as well, but gets distracted as usual by making bongo drum noises with his mouth, which is his wont, but he doesn't quite get that only other bongo drums can understand him, and our audience is made up of about 25% bongo drums and 75% human people, according to our latest metrics. But that's 2021 for you, isn't it, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

Merry Christmas Day, everybody! On this episode, Charlie discusses Sufjan Steven's 2006 holiday classic "Songs For Christmas", which is his entry for the "Christmas Albums" theme. They're all EP's, but whatever, he says out loud, but jovially, and as a card-carrying hipster, he is required to, but in fact enjoys it un-ironically.  Jake enjoys it as well, he swears, but as a card-carrying winter cocktail kind of guy, he may have had too much of both the immense playlist and of course those fine winter cocktails. We swear we didn't plan to put out all of our episodes on Fridays just to have this land on Christmas, we swear, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!  On this episode, Jake discusses the good, bad, and the existentially ugly of Phil Spector's "A Christmas Gift For You!", which is his entry for the "Christmas Albums" theme.  Chaz rocks around the Christmas tree as well, but straight up knocks himself out running into that famed Wall of Sound. It's a holiday delight for everyone besides Charlie, who is now lying unconscious on the floor of his home office, on this edition of Louder Than Sound.

Chaz presents his weird thoughts on Bjork's weird Drawing Restraint 9 as his choice for the agreed-upon "One-Artist OST" theme. Jake also tries to discuss it from that one and only time he will ever listen to it at the gentle behest of the above-mentioned Chaz, but each of them just ends up panting, squelching, and slamming their pinkies inelegantly on gamelan chimes. It's an honest but doomed attempt at a truly experimental podcast structure, on this edition of Louder Than Sound.

Jake presents the English version of his French thoughts on Benoit Charest's The Triplets of Belleville as his choice for the agreed-upon "One-Artist OST" theme. Charlie also discusses it from that one recent time he listened to it at the gentle behest of the above-mentioned Jake, but also because he's been quite familiar with it since it came out in 2003. It's probably more the latter than the former, to be honest. Bon appetit! For your ears, that is, on this edition of Louder Than Sound.

Charlie presents his nerdy nerdy thoughts on Cluster's Zuckerzeit as his choice for the agreed-upon "Gateway Albums" theme.  Jake also discusses it from that one recent time he listened to it at the gentle behest of the above-mentioned Charlie. The ground-breaking majesty of the vintage synthesizers heard therein are made evermore monumental when the two brothers who host this podcast, so like the two communal "music-brothers" who made this album, find a way to program their synths to sound exactly like embarrassingly executed German accents. Nein!  On this edition of Louder Than Sound...

Jake presents his thoughts, all the way from his mere boy years to his current mannish boy years, on Muddy Waters' aptly titled Muddy "Mississippi" Waters Live  as his choice for the agreed-upon "Gateway Albums" theme.  Charlie also discusses it from that one recent time he listened to it at the gentle behest of the above-mentioned Jake, and boy is he excited!  He keeps whooping and hollering at the top of his lungs any time Jake says anything at all, but mostly when he spells simple 3-letter words. That's M...AAAAA...N... on the latest edition of Louder Than Sound.

Special guest host Nancy Beck (AKA Jake and Charlie's indomitable mother) brings her musical knowledge and enthusiasm to one of her all-time favorite LPs, the 1976 album Luxury Liner by Emmylou Harris. The boys listen in rapt attention like some kind of throwback to their childhood story time before giving their personal, and wildly divergent, opinions on the country classic.

Louder Than Sound: a podcast about music for people who like music made by people who love music. Charlie introduces Elza Soares, an 80-something samba singer who is a living legend in her native Brazil. In 2015, she released Woman at the End of the World, an explosive departure from her previous dozens of albums and possibly her finest work. Jake dips his toes into Elza's wild decades-long career and lets us know his initial thoughts.

Chaz' Special Secret Diary: August 23rd, 2021: Dear diary, I just want to tell you how special of an ep of BvD we just recorded today!  I was so funny and insightful about Bowie's albums list, and Jake also happened to be there. Chaz' Special Secret Diary: September 15th, 2021: Dear diary, remember that sweet sweet ep of BvD I told you I recorded a few weeks ago, the one where I'll be considered for the Pulitzer?  And Jake was there but just stared at me and drooled the whole time?  Well...it's not been published yet.  Guess I'll have to talk with the boys in the IT department! Chaz' Special Secret Diary: November 1st, 2021: Dear diary, I've become perturbed, because the legendary lost episode of BvD from August still hasn't surfaced, and I hate to rag on the guy, but Jake has REALLY DROPPED THE BALL ON THIS ONE.  He's the one who's responsible for putting them up and he JUST HASN'T, and here it is nearly Webbys season.  Chaz' Special Diary: December 6th, 2021: It's so cold, diary.  I fear this will be my last entry.  I can't tell where I am or what's around me.  I keep calling out for help, but no one answers.  There will be no Bowie vs Dylan podcast episode #66.  I am utterly alone.   Goodbye, cruel world, on this very special albums ranking countdown episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Louder Than Sound, the new podcast from the fellas who brought you 64 episodes of Bowie Vs. Dylan, is back for a second go. Jake presents the context and background for Soul Coughing's 1994 LP Ruby Vroom as his choice for the agreed-upon "1st Albums" theme. Charlie gives his thoughts on a terribly unique album that up until now he had never apparently listened to. Does he like it? Does he hate it? Will that affect your own feelings about it? Listen to find out.

From the fine folks who brought you Bowie Vs. Dylan comes a new podcast that explores the enormous world of music. For the inaugural episode, Charlie presents his studied thoughts on Tom Waits' 1973 LP Closing Time. Learn along with Jake about Waits' shadowy past and try to figure out how on earth he actually sings like that. Top it off with Jake's take on the album, not necessarily from a place of expertise, but from that one most recent time he listened to it at the gentle behest of the above-mentioned Charlie.  

Wow, the reason that Chaz and Jake haven't been providing fresh new episodes of this podcast for the past couple of months has been because we got lost in the desert on an annual BvD Board of Directors-mandated team building exercise.  We almost starved, too!  That Charlie really was looking pretty tasty for a couple of days there, wasn't he? Anyway, we're back, but we've had no access to the news or to the outside world for most of 2020.  Did we miss anything?   (Shuffles papers). Are we sure that this Bowie release schedule is correct?  How many 90's-era soul patches must we endure? (Shuffles different papers). Dylan's still BACK?!  Like, for realskis?  That's rad! Like you are, dear listeners, who will never hold it against us that we refuse to catch on the state of domestic affairs, not to mention global ones, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

In the latest episode of Louder Than Sound, Jake presents his thoughts on an actual, real-life classic album: Bruce Springsteen's 1982 LP Nebraska. Come along as Jake (and by extension, the Boss himself) weaves a sweet web of tantalizing info about the home demos that somehow became a masterpiece. Charlie (who never really got into ol' Bruce) listens to it for the very first time and lets you know if he thinks it's all it's cracked up to be.

Welcome to Louder Than Sound, the new podcast series from real-life brothers Jake and Charlie, which finally answers the only question they didn't ask on Bowie vs. Dylan: What's better? Jake or Charlie's taste in music? Listen every Friday as they discuss favorite albums from their deep record collections based on themes, reactively guess and react to each other's reactions to their reactions! Welcome to Louder Than Sound!

Here's one or more sentences to describe this shockingly (long) final regular-run episode of the shockingly (all figures relative to actual popular) popular podcast, Bowie vs. Dylan: It's the last one. Jake: Are you cryin', Chaz, because I'm not cryin'. Chaz: I'm not cryin' either, Jake. Jake: I'm DEFINITELY not not cryin'. Chaz: Wait, does that mean you ARE cryin'?  Your double negative is confusing, as are all your double negatives, and frankly, all of your words altogether. Jake: I'll let you be the judge, but just know that I had to get a new beer that I'm not not cryin' in, and buy a new keyboard that I didn't not ruin because I was not not cryin' on it, and Lord I hope it comes via not Amazon in time for me to finish this one-or-more-sentences blurb about this not not last episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.  Chaz: (not not cryin') Jake: (not not cryin') Internet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pVT_mvvZLo Chaz: I'm Charlie, and I like Bowie, as well as superty-duper long episodes of the podcast I co-host that are so drawn out that they go against every fiber of my being! Jake: And I'm Jake, and I love Dylan, as well as wildly long and incoherent podcasts that are still half as long as every single average Academy Awards in existence! Everybody: And that's that, on this not not not final BvD Awards episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Hey, what you can say about 2016?  Besides, of course, GREAT YEAR.   Absolutely nothing upsetting happened that continues and will continue to reverberate through the political ages, nor did, like, 154 important musician/celebrities die unexpectedly within what seemed like a 6 month span. Nope, good one, 2016.  Way to go!   You won't find us complaining, not even because David Bowie passed away, because hey, he released an amazing album just before that that took on a whole new and deeper meaning immediately.  Eh?  And even though Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize for literature, which must have seemed like a huge bummer for him, at least he stretched the boundaries to their breaking point for actually accepting the coveted prize.  All of Bowie's albums shot to the top of the charts, Dylan was 2 million kroner richer, and me and Charlie are about to ride off into the sunset having talked about it way too much. So at least we got that going for us, which is nice, on this 2016 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Can I interest you in a vintage year for this podcast episode, maybe a 1965, perhaps? No more Bowie dominance in the year 1977, no more personal rock bottoms for poor, lost Bob Dylan, and even more so his embattled family.  Just sweet, pure, unadulterated, mythic, apocryphal, top of the world musical dominance from Bob Dylan that will last forever and ever, er, I already forgot about my opening metaphor, which if I remember correctly was a bottle of wine, so...maybe...Dylan fans will drink it up heartily while Bowie fans will swish it around for a sec then spit it out onto their couches.  Does that satisfy the metaphorical requirements? What's that you say?  What was Bowie doing in Dylan's best year, whoops spoiler alert?  Ummm, was he even David Bowie yet?  Weren't there some flailing attempts at bands and singles and...other stuff?  What's that you say?  Who cares? Charlie and all the other Bowie fans out there care, that's who, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

1977, ho hum, nothing much happening here at Bowie vs. Dylan podcast, just a random year of the comings and goings of David Bowie and/or Bob Dylan.  Let's see, what might be the rub?  Probably an album or two apiece from the two of them of varying quality and breadth, some number of singles from Bowie and maybe one from Dylan (if we're lucky, that is), a tour or something, certainly the ridiculous exercise of assigning points to their subjective pursuits coming out in the wash to basically a tie.  I mean, that's been the story, more or less, since this podcast's inception 61 episodes ago, what could possibly be the big difference this time around? (Puts on this very episode, vigorously checks notes while half-listening, becomes increasingly horrified) Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...there's no other way to say it, it's a bloodbath.  Although looking at the year (1977), I bet you can't tell which artist comes out on top!  You'll have to listen yourself to find out who!  Oh boy, who could it be?!?!?!? (Slowly starts laughing, changing uncomfortably over a matter of 30 seconds into maniacal guffawing, passes out, drools a little but clearly needs the time of relative rest and peace, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.)

David Bowie: Say there, good chaps and chapettes!  I have a simple, but deceptively profound question to ask of you: Good Chaps and Chapettes: Lay it on us, Bowie. David Bowie: Brilliant!  So here goes- Bob Dylan: Heeeeeeeey, Bob Dylan here, also with a question to ask of everyone. Good Chaps and Chapettes: Hi Bob!  Well, as long as it's an incredible coincidence and the question is the same as David's...we suppose, because we have a ton of stuff to do around the yard today and we're not made of time, you know. David Bowie: Should we just say it together, Bob, on the count of 3? Bob Dylan: Is that on 3, or just after 3? David Bowie: ON 3, man. Bob Dylan: Stop yelling at me. David Bowie and Bob Dylan: 1...2...HOW DEEP ARE THE CUTS? Chaps and Chapettes: Our open wounds or musical tracks? David Bowie: Most of my musical tracks ARE open wounds, metaphorically, well, anyway, we mean music. Bob Dylan: a. DEEEP cuts? David Bowie: b. DEEEEP cuts? Bob Dylan: c. DEEEEEP cuts? David Bowie: Or d. DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP CUUUUUUTS? Chaps and Chapettes: No all of the above option?  We feel it should be all of the above, on this very special 60th podcast extravaganza edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.    

Jake: I'm back, baby!!!  Ready to again offer some of those patented witticisms that barely make any sense, for this latest episode of this here podcast.  What have you learned from your experience writing them, Chaz? Chaz: I don't know, I'm exhausted from the effort I put in two weeks ago in your stead.   Jake: Anything?   Chaz: Uhhhhhh, small words followed by some big words, followed once again by some smaller ones?  Maybe describe what happens in the episode, but only enough info to tantalize potential new listeners into giving us a shot? Jake: Thanks, professor. Chaz: Bowie invents the internet YET AGAIN by releasing a streaming live album with the absolutely atrocious name of "You'll Have to Listen To Bowie vs. Dylan To Find Out"...dotcom. Jake: Dylan swaggers around the world, huffing that sweet sweet career comeback glue and putting in more than minimal effort to win a frickin' Oscar the following year. Chaz: Bowie himself posts some stuff on his website that I was absolutely a part of when it started.  In fact, call me Charlie@Bowie.net from now, would you please? Jake: Yes, sir, Charlie@Bowie.net! Charlie@Bowie.net: (makes classic dial-up internet noises with mouth) Jake: (makes classic dial-up internet noises with mouth) Early PC Computer Voice: On this 2000 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Jake:    Charlie: Whoa... Jake usually writes these semi-coherent ramblings, most of which don't really even make sense until after you've already listened to the episode, but it looks like he missed this one so I'm coming in at the last minute to throw something together. Unless, Jake, you want to take over?Jake: Charlie: Okay, well, Bowie released a deuce of sweet VHS tapes covering his 1987 Glass Spider tour that were later released on DVD. And he was involved in modern dance. What about Dylan?Jake:   Charlie: Yeah, so I don't remember much about Dylan on this one... I think he did some pretty crappy stuff? Like a bad album probably? But then he also did The Traveling Wilburys, who were pretty ace so it balances out. I think we talked about making a Traveling Wilburys childrens' book series. It's a humorous portion of the podcast. Jake, any other thoughts?   Jake:   Charlie: You heard it here, folks. Listen in to a podcast that does actually feature both normal hosts, we swear, on the 1988 edition of Bowie Vs. Dylan.  

Jake: Well, here we go with another totally normal, on-point, focused edition of Bowie vs. Dylan!  What do you say, Chaz? Chaz: I'd say that you've already gotten us off track by listing too many adjectives to describe how lean and mean this episode, which is live right now, is going to be.  JAKE. Jake: You're one to talk!  You could have just said "lean", it's clear, but you just HAD to stick a rhyme scheme in that makes your statement neither lean NOR mean. Chaz: Well, according to my calculations, before I even said anything, my Podcast Brevity Algorithm, PBA for short, patent pending, suggested that we were on track for a 61 minute episode, which as we've discussed at length, is unacceptable.  But now that you've RUINED EVERYTHING ALREADY, we might as well delve into as many tangents as humanly possible, I mean, it's only natural. Jake: You know, that reminds me of a time when I thought I was on a tangent, but I was actually talking about what I meant to talk about.  The year was 2009 and I had just almost murdered a...crap, I forgot to press record again, we'll have to start over, we've been talking for 90 minutes with no podcast. Chaz: I can't even look at you.  I'm blocking your FaceTime video while I start this 1998 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan. (big sigh)...Okay, ladies and gentleman, IIIIII'M Charlie, and IIIIII like- Jake: WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!?!?!?  Chaz, turn your FaceTime back on!!! Chaz: I hate you so much!  Wait, what?  It's a topless man doing a strangely hypnotic dance full of odd moves and contortions!  Where'd he even come from?  How is he interrupting a podcast? And what's that written on his chest? Jake: Looks like...BOWIE.NET BOMB? Chaz: It's the future of the internet, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

The myriad choices for your preferred Super Deluxe Edition of this Bowie vs. Dylan Podcast 2014 have arrived by magic horseback, delivered by hand, by Bob Dylan and David Bowie!  Aren't you thrilled?  Check out all the special deviations and features, and pick your favorite to own, or your most favorite favorite, since you'll for sure want them all: 7 CDs, 14 LPs, 1 DVDs: Bowie looks suave as H, making you slightly uncomfortable to show the 70 page booklet of Hot Granddad Bowie photos to your Granddaughter.  Dylan looks like his Vincent Price mustache has been poorly CGI'd right off his ancient yet eerily smooth face, making you equally uncomfortable in a totally different way to show the photos to your Granddaughter or anyone else really.  Cost: $85 1 CDs, 1 LP, 14 DVDs: Whoops, we had found even MORE hand-written lyrics from Dylan's Basement Tapes years, and accidentally included the originals in this boxset.  Those are practically priceless.  Please send this one back!  Cost: Priceless 0 CDs, 22 LPs, 0 DVDs: Jazz Covers Edition!  Bowie records exactly one (1) jazz cover for inclusion, the remaining content are Dylan's efforts, totaling one thousand (1000) mellow, crooning contributions.  Cost: $235 390 CDs, 0 LPs, 0 DVDs: 195 separate "Best Of" compilations for each of Bowie and Dylan's greatest contributions to music.  195 different chronological track listings each, 195 different orderings based on country where sold for each, 195 different hand-drawn album cover arts for each.  1 result: INCREDIBLE SUCCESS.  Cost: $4290. Note: set cannot be broken up into individual compilations. 10 CDs, 10 LPs, 100 DVDs: This episode and this episode only re-enacted word for word in different podcasting styles by some of the biggest musical stars of the day never to be knocked from their cultural pedestal ever: Jim James! Elvis Costello! Taylor Goldsmith! Rhiannon Giddens! Marcus Mumford?!  Producer: T-Bone Burnett.  Listener: YOU.  Cost: $1,000,000  0 CD's, 0 LP's, 0 DVD's: One (1) podcast broadcast for free ($0) via all of your favorite podcast platforms and players.  Cost: $0 Myself and Chaz bought all of them, even the weird "priceless" one, so if you're any kind of fan you'll follow suit, just kidding, we love you, on this 2014 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.    

Dye your horsehair red, dolled-up dogies, and join us for an olden yet futuristic romp with David Bowie and Bob Dylan through the year 1973!  Meet your cast of characters: David Bowie: I'm one of the biggest stars in the universe.  Or STARdusts, IF you know what I mean! Bob Dylan: Heeeey, me too!  Except substitute the space metaphors for old west ones.  Literally everyone on earth knows who I am in 1973, whether I like it or not, which I definitely don't. Sam Peckinpah: I don't know who you are.  Who is this kid?  I mean, who is this Billy the Kid? Kris Kristofferson: Sammy...what?  It's my good friend Bobby!  Ever since I swept up his commemorative one millionth cigarette butt in 1966, I've found him to be the most magnetic acting presence anyone's ever done laid eyes on! Sam Peckinpah: That's patently untrue.  But...as a young, hungry, up-and-coming musician, I guess he might have a future? ColumBS Records Executives: Well, he did, Sam, he really did, he used to, we guess, until he disappointed us deeply by continuing to sell millions of records but not releasing super-classics every 5 months.  I know!  Let's release his worst album to convince him to stay on with us now that we kicked him to the curb but then he unexpectedly had a gigantic hit. David Bowie's Outrageous Red Mullet: This is my time, baby!   Bob Dylan's Slightly Subdued Fro: This is my time to get shoved under a period-specific Stetson cowboy hat!  Check me out again starting in the year 2000 and continuing until the end of time. David Bowie's Fans: AAAAAAAAAGHGGHHGHGHGHHGHGH WE LOVE YOU ZIGGY WE BOUGHT ALL YOUR RECORDS!!!! Bob Dylan's Family: AAAAAAAAGHGHGHGHHHHHGGHGHH, Mexico is hell for us. The Spiders From Mars: Wait, what did David just say? Did we just get canned on stage in front of thousands of fans who definitely love us just as much if not more than David Bowie? He couldn't have just- David Bowie: You're fired!  Sorry, not sorry, mates, on this 1973 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Setting: Circuit City brand electronics store, circa 2006. Bob Dylan fan #1: Heeeey.  I'm looking for that sweet new Bob Dylan long-playing music album, my brother, where can I find it? Lone Circuit City Employee #1: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugggghhhhhhhh- Bob Dylan Fan #1: Don't hurt yourself, friend, I'll just look...over...here, next to the....other consumer electronic merchandise?  Which, now that you mention it, appears...barren? David Bowie Fan #1: I can relate!  Bowie might as well change his name to David BARREN for all the new albums he's been putting out lately, amiright?  It appears that he's in the middle of some unexpected hiatus, a vacation, a Bowie Breather?  A Bowie Break? A Bowliday?  Maybe we should do this using his first name, but I just can't seem to get it, oh well, it will never be named by anyone ever. Bob Dylan Fan #1: I'm just looking for Dylan's new album, it went #1 in 47 countries, it's tots controversial?  It's called Modern Times?  Anyone? Lone Circuit City Employee #1: (drooling) Intercom: Dear former Circuit City customers, Circuit City is going bankrupt as we speak! Please cheerfully clear the floor so that the remaining merchandise can be hauled to the nearest area Best Buy for resale, including the only known copy of Bob Dylan's Modern Times!  Thanks for never shopping at YOUR Circuit City ever again, byeeeee! Bob Dylan Fan #1: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggghhhhhh, on this 2006 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Welcome to the 40th Annual Retrospective Spectacular of the 22nd Annual Grammy Awards !!! Here's your host, Kenny Rogers: Kenny Rogers: Honestly, looking back, what a cluster this was.  Why are we having another retrospective of the 1980 Grammy Awards?  I think at this point you just gotta know when to fold em'.   Bob Dylan: Heeeey, what did I win?  I mean, what did Jesus win? Grammy Award for Best Rock Vocal Performance, Male: Me! You won me!  Or am I Best Rock Performance, Solo, or was it Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance, or...WHO THE HECK AM I, anyway, this is a heckuva time to have an identity crisis, this was supposed to be my night! Best Disco Recording: Me, I can't WAIT to be back next year, and the year after that, and until the end of time or recorded music, whichever comes first.  What a time to be alive and to always be a part of the Grammy's forever! David Bowie: Erm...did I win anything? Jake and Charlie: This podcast episode, Bowie.  You handily won this episode, on this 1980 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Welcome to the 52nd Anniversary Concert Celebration of Bowie vs. Dylan!!!  With your host, David Bowie!!!!! David Bowie: Thanks so much, you're all so lovely!  Well, this is grand, isn't it?  It's just me and Bob Dylan, together at last for a special tribute to- Backstage Lackey #1: (rushes over discreetly and whispers in Bowie's ear, for, like, a while.) David Bowie: Well, folks, it seems there's been a misunderstanding, I've NOT been invited to perform at long last with Bob and fulfill the secret prophecy of most of the world's religions. (long uncomfortable pause) I'm just here to lend my wonderfully rich voice and presence to the proceedings.  It seems no-one, not even my record label, will release me singing or playing anything at all.  Just me in tuxedo attire and speaking soothingly as if I was a particular form of sleep aid.  Say...that gives me an idea!  But anyway, if I wasn't invited to sing, then I guess no-one was. John Mellencamp, Stevie Wonder, Lou Reed, Eddie Vedder, Tracy Chapman, Johnny Cash, June Carter Cash, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Johnny Winter, Ron Wood, Richie Havens, Neil Young, Chrissie Hynde, Eric Clapton, The O'Jays, The Band but not Robbie Robertson, George Harrison, Tom Petty, Roger McGuinn, The Clancy Brothers, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Roseanne Cash, and Shawn Colvin, and Sinead O'Connor: WE were invited! Bob Dylan: Heeeey, sorry I'm late.  I was trying very hard to pretend that I would come by rehearsing and promising to come, but then be so late or have some excuse as to why I had to skip it altogether, but I lost track of how late I wanted to be and accidentally showed up for the at least the last 1/3 of this concert devoted to me. Everyone: Blowin' in the Wind, anyone?  On this 1993 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.  

Setting: The year 1968, A 4th-rate comedy club called "LAFFS!!!", late at night (or early in the morning), quiet and mostly deserted, and not because of social distancing orders. Emcee: Ladies and germs, our next act needs no introduction, he's mop-topped and just flew in from England, you know the rest, it's...DAVID JONES! (light applause) David Jones: Erm, it's actually David BOWIE now. Emcee: Whatever, say it don't spray it, man. David Bowie: I just flew in from England, and boy, are my arms tired! (crickets chirping) Emcee: Good one!  I hate to cut into your explosive set here, bub, but let's get this over with, don't you have a special guest or something you'd like to bring on, or something? David Bowie: Right, here he is from Woodstock, NY, USA, it's...Bob Dylan!!! Bob Dylan: (talking in a strange half-croon, half-nasal whine) I just flew in from Woodstock, and boy are my arms tired! (half the crickets roaring in approval over nothing, half the crickets yelling "Judas!") David Bowie and Bob Dylan: Let's see, what else?  What else...has been goin on? Hmmm, let's see, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

It's that very special time of life again, dear listeners!  A round-number anniversary.  50 episodes, can that be right?  Counting down our personal and professional opinions on the very best covers that any artist ever did of Bowie and Dylan songs?   Boy, it seems like it's been, what?  9, 10, episodes since we here at Bowie vs. Dylan last celebrated a milestone?  I mean, besides all the comings and goings of David Bowie and Bob Dylan in any given year, that is, that's always a reason for excitement.  Gosh...looking at the old calendar, it seems that we don't have many left before we run out of them, huh? REALLY makes it hit home when we say it like that, though, doesn't it?  Geez, now it's getting a little misty in here, must be our allergies, or all that quarantine dust in the air, it's thick, boy, now we’re really sobbing, so many non-emotionally-related eye irritants, it's getting hard for us to type, yep, we better take a break. We're back, baby!  And don't we feel better; a little time away from some potentially painful feelings never hurt anyone.  That and a bottle of red wine, amiright?  Or two, one for each of us, and then another couple each for David and Robert, and Chaz, he told me to go ahead and have his, we can't share it anyway on account of COVID-19, wats that, loosen up a little, gol.  Heeeeey, we here at Dowie vs. Bylan really loooove you listeners, you’re our flavorite listeneers, we meen it this time!! We're not crying, YOU’RE crying on this 50th Anniversary Super-Deluxe Edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

What follows is a basic synopsis of this podcast: Welcome to Bowie vs Dylan, special 2011 edition! Where literally nothing happens, except some stuff that happened in 2010.   Bowie is invisible; Dylan is touring the world.  David is hanging out in his sweatpants at home (picture not included); Bob is transcendent in his wide brim flat top hat.   Both look (and presumably feel) pretty darned snazzy, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan! What follows has been nimbly and professionally translated from English to Arabic to English to Japanese to English to Latin to English to Norwegian and back to English for our very special fans who share that particular heritage:  Bowie, our Perkins 2011 Hello! Literally, it's nothing but the 2010 items. I don't see Bowie. Saint is the largest in the world. At the gym, David had his own suit (not including pictures). Wide flat shoes, Bob has a hard top and is slow to anger, This version of Saint-style Bowie sees (and feels) us!

Welcome to this live broadcast from the 33rd Annual GRAMMY AWARDS, hosted by Arsenio Hall! Audience: (pumping fists in a medium-tight circular motion near their heads) Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Arsenio Hall: Guys, that's enough, even I'm sick of that bit, kind of like David Bowie and Tin Machine, amiright?! Audience: (pumping fists in a medium-tight circular motion near their heads): Boo boo boo boo boo boo! Arsenio Hall: Or what's the deal with Bob Dylan's shattered love life, flatlining album sales, flagging cultural relevance, and obvious but functional alcoholism?  What a card, AMIRIGHT!?!? Audience: (pumping fists in a medium-tight circular motion near their heads whilst softly crying): Boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo. Arsenio Hall: Let's get right to it, with some awards, and in the interest of time and frankly, my sanity, there's one winner for the following 18 awards: Best Rap Album, Best R+B Album, Best Rap Song, Best R+B Song, Best Music Video Long Form, Best Hammer Pants, Best Dope Haircut, Best Life, Best Tour That Had To Be Cancelled But Whose Fault Is That Really Anyway The Fans That's Who For Not Supporting MC Hammer Scratch That It's Just Hammer Now Quiet Down Critics Still A Tour As Lavish As His Lifestyle: You're not gonna believe this, but ALL of those awards go to... MICHAEL BOLTON!!!! Steel bars, wrapped all around us, on this 1991 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Setting: Reality, 2003. Corrected Setting: A Reality, 2003. Jack Fate (an elderly washed-up rock prophet who in no way resembles Bob Dylan): The future lies not in the past, but in the past, where there is no future and only then can we know the present presently. Jon Bon Jovi (a hot as H Dad who in no way had his haircut ganked by David Bowie): It's my life!!! John Goodman, Jeff Bridges, Penelope Cruz, Jessica Lange, Angela Bassett, Bruce Dern, Ed Harris, Val Kilmer, Cheech Marin, Mickey Rourke, Christian Slater (in unison): Oh God, what have I done? Luke Wilson: Oh God, what have-actually, this seems about right for me. David Bowie (realizing that Jon Bon Jovi is coming after him, you know, to get his hair back): Uhhhhhh, maybe you could be distracted if I did a right strip tease? 52-Year-Old Female and Male Fans (in unison): YES! Bob Dylan (reading from a scrap of paper): Sometimes it's not enough to know the meaning of things, sometimes we have to know what things don't mean as well. Forrest Gump (running): I'd like my fortune cookie back, please, on this 2003 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.