Trader Hoes

Well, Hoes, here we are. The final-ish episode of Trader Hoes. But before we embark on our bye-atus, we took a stumble down memory lane, aided by a few drinks recommended by you and a possible Penis Truck sighting.Thank you, Hoes, for the recommendations, the messages, the support, and just for sticking with us through the years. We couldn't have done any of this without you. Until next time, #BBPP365.  

It's our second to last episode, which means there's just enough time to squeeze in a special guest appearance from the Trader Bros (aka our partners)!  It's a Hot Ones inspired showcase of Trader Joe's spicy sauces so get ready feel the (heart)burn. In the cart:Incredisauce Tamarind Sauce Green Dragon Hot SaucePeri Peri SauceChili Pepper SauceJalapeño Hot SauceHabañero Hot Sauce Not in the cart, but worth considering: Milk Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

This week, we're leaving it all on the table, including grandma. We tackle our InstaHoes' savory suggestions, repay them by completely butchering their names, and walk away with a few new favorites. Not on the menu but certainly on our minds: Shrinky Dinks, a Trader Joe's and Jack in the Box mashup, noods, and Katie's love of uncooked rolled oats. 

It is with heavy hearts and full carts that we announce the end of Trader Hoes will be coming at the end of this month. It probably won't be goodbye for forever, but it is ciao for now. We thank every one of you for tuning in each Monday and celebrating the best grocery store that ever existed with us. It's been in incredible ride, and we're honored you were a part of it. But we're not done just yet! Another thank you to everyone who suggested some final items for us to try over the next few weeks. We're kicking off this sunset tour with some sweet treats and one of the biggest surprises in Trader Hoes history. Not on the menu, but certainly on our minds: Katie's diagnosis from a college professor, Paul Hollywood's judgment, and eating a hug (that apparently has a creepy child voice.) Bonus: Take a shot every time Katie describes something as “elevated.”  

Get your bifocals ready, Hoes. We're about to read our favorite but flawed grocery store like never before. While we may not be at RuPaul's Drag Race level, we do dig into everything from recalls to copywriting to commitment-phobia. Because after all, we've spent years supporting Trader Joe's, so a little tough love is in order.  Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

Trader Joes's is bringing the heat and these Hoes are here for it. From a savory salsa to buffalo style almonds, Katie and Evie explore TJ's newest spicy items. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: extreme squeams, saguaro cacti,  and is buffalo having a moment?In the cart:Buffalo Style Seasoned AlmondsGuajillo SalsaCinna-DragonsSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

The Trader Hoes put Trader Joe's new pizza halloumi to the test and try the old Amsterdam gouda that has Bon Appetite writer, Alex Beggs talking. Get ready for a dairy fueled basket case that begs the question, why?In the basket:Pizza Bread CheeseOld Amsterdam Premium Aged Gouda Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

If you're into hugs, this episode is for you! If you're not into hugs but are into chocolate and nut butters, this episode is also for you! If you're not into hugs and don't like chocolate or nut butters, well… we got nothing, but we still think you should listen. Not on the menu but certainly on our minds: sleep deprivation, the beauty of marshmallow fluff, Evie's noisy house, and Katie's still-present hearing. In the cart: Bamba Dipped In Dark ChocolateDark Chocolate Almond Butter Filled Pretzel NuggetsPeanut Butter Cocoa MarshmallowsSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

We love finding another person as obsessed with Trader Joe's as we are. So, we were thrilled when we stumbled upon Bon Appetit's Food People episode, "Why are people so obsessed with Trader Joe's?" Though we may not have agreed with all of her superlatives, we definitely want to be Alex Beggs' best friend. After all, friends don't let friends sleep on Unexpected Cheddar. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

Forget assorted chocolates, all the Hoes want this Valentine's Day is cheese. (Fortunately for them, Trader Joe's love language is dairy.) From the heart shaped to the meat forward, get ready for romance with a rind. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: Pride and Prejudice, Lunchables and the plot holes of many (all?) rom coms. In the cart:Neufchâtel Bacon CheddarSpicy Buffalo CheddarSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

We're rounding out this month with 360 degrees of flavor as we try some new and classic circular (breakfast?) foods from Trader Joe's. Not on the menu but certainly on our minds: Wendy's non-OCD-friendly food, Evie's need for a blender, and Katie's lost pineapple. 

The Hoes dig into some juicy Trader Joe's stories and uncover a conspiracy, crossbow and some stolen TJ's wine. Buckle up with some Two Buck Chuck and get ready for some ridiculous grocery chain fodder. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

Excuse our diacope as we dive into some new Trader Joe's items to help kick off the new year. We've got apps, mains, and desserts covered here, and nothing goes the way we think it will. Not on the menu but definitely on our minds: The likelihood we'd be in a cult, Canadian bacon's fashion, Trader Joe's tours, and how you pronounce “pen” and “pin.” Seriously, we need to know. 

Stop what you're doing. Drop everything. Yep, don't even start the new episode. And go get your hands on some of these Cacio e Pepe Puffs from Trader Joe's. We'll wait. And while we're waiting, we'll keep thinking of which other items Joe should expand like the Fast and Furious franchise. Maybe Katie will keep practicing her pronunciation of "cacio e pepe" too. What do you think Trader Joe's should explore more of? Message us at @realtraderhoes on Instagram and Gmail, or reach out at realtraderhoes.com. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

It's 2022, y'all! And the Hoes are hoping for a low stakes, high-cal  kind of year. We're talking slow news days and savory Trader Joe's items, including this selection of heat-and-eat vegan entrees. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: storefront petitions, the Irish and Katie's love of any and all things mac and cheese. In the cart:Vegan MacVegan Shepherd's PieVegan Enchilada CasseroleSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

What a year, what a shopping list! The Hoes reap the 2021 hits, misses and musings of the past year. More pickle products? Yes, please! A return of key lime popcorn? Dear god, NO. It's basket case episode chockfull of reflection – and yeah, okay, some wine too. Want to share your Trader Joe's 2021 highlights and 2022 predictions? Message us at realtraderhoes on Instagram and Gmail, or reach out at realtraderhoes.com. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

Simply put: This is a dystopian Christmas dinner. We've got guest co-ho Brian (aka Evie's husband now!) sharing in a low-effort, only-slightly-sad holiday feast courtesy of Trader Joe. Not every dish is a gift, but at least one cheesy pick could be considered the reason for the season. Not on the menu but certainly on our minds: TJ's floor wine, why side dishes are the real star of the holidays, and the tragedy of the Star Wars Holiday Special. 

On this week's Basket Case, we're counting down the reasons that advent calendars should be available all year round. We also unpack the Hallmark movie and Disney fan Venn diagram, why Joe tries to fit his name in everything, and how we want PMS advent calendars.  Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

We're harkening back to our youths and somehow also getting a glimpse at our futures this week. Yep, we're going up on a Tuesday with some Trader Joe's liqueurs. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: what the heck fashion is these days, holiday shopping woes, and whether licking a fireplace is a good or bad thing. 

The Hoes turn to Trader Joes for some culinary inspiration. From the somewhat promising to the slightly unsettling, it's a basket case breakdown of Trader Joe's newest recipes. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: Evie's cat face, Katie's popped grapes and one-and-done salsa cooking. *EDITORS NOTE*The Trader Bros will be popping into the background on this one, hoes. We tried the best we could in editing but it seems what we really need is a time machine so we can travel back to the date of this recording and tell them to lower their dang voices. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

It's Thanksgiving week, ya'll! And don't you know these Hoes have a lot to be grateful for – namely, Trader Joe's frozen food section. From bite-sized casserole cuties to bake potatoes that border on human, it's an autumnal buffet of the new, the seasonal and the somewhat questionable. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: Baywatch potatoes, pegasi and Katie's alias, Cleopatra Bravo. In the cart:Green Bean Casserole BitesCamembert Cheese and Cranberry Sauce Fillo BitesBroccoli & Cauliflower GratinHasselback PotatoesSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

We're getting a head start on Thanksgiving with this Basket Case, Hoes, by dipping a toe into a cornucopia of festive pies with Trader Joe's Thanksgiving Pie Chocolate Truffles. And while the seasons are finally changing, some things never will. Like the fact that white chocolate ruins everything, our gratitude for milk chocolate, and why we should never be allowed on video. To catch the full video version of this episode, head to Patreon.com/traderhoes. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

It may be 88 degrees out in November, but you know what? It's soup season, Hoes! Grab your sweaters, spoons, and sandwiches for dipping because we're sipping some new and old reliable Trader Joe's soups. Not in the cart but definitely on our minds: “B-Squash” becoming a thing, the hierarchy of soups, and how society is a construct. 

Sleep with the fridge light on, Hoes! It's time for some Trader Joe's horror stories courtesy of YOU, our lovely listeners. From crew member accounts to cringeworthy customer encounters, get ready for some seriously spoopy TJ's tales. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

The Hoes are taking their popcorn to the next level with the help of Trader Joe's seasoning selection.  From a ramen-inspired vegan option to a leftover carryover, it's a flavorful foray into uncharted tastebud territory.  Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: influencers of the 1700s, Evie being a low-key movie theater chemist and Katie's ramen gang stalking theory.  In the cart:Vegan Chicken-Less Seasoning SaltEverything But the Leftovers Seasoning BlendAjika Georgian Seasoning BlendCheesy Seasoning BlendSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

Welcome to our first Basket Case, Hoes! We're so excited for this new format, so we can explore other aspects of the Trader Joe's experience. And to kick these off, we consulted the stars. We grabbed our crystals. We bathed in the light of the moon. And we assigned Trader Joe's items to each sign in the astrological houses.  Check back in two weeks for the next installment where we'll share some of your Trader Joe's horror stories. And don't miss another full episode next week. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

While it may not be our most important meal of the day, breakfast is possibly our favorite, especially if it's made up of these new items. We're flipping over pancakes from around the world, going nutty for some surprisingly perfect oatmeal, and egg-stactic for an eggless scramble. Plus, stay tuned for the end of this episode for an exciting update about our new format. Not on the menu, but certainly on our minds: the origin of donut holes, being a hoe fo' tofu, and discovering Julien, the best narrator ever.  

It's a special Guest Hoe episode featuring Katie's husband, Sal! These Bravo Hoes are deep diving into Trader Joe's frozen apps for some serious flavor fusions. From Buffalo-Greek poppers to gussied up pigs in a blanket, it's a high steaks, higher calorie battle of the best finger foods money can buy. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: airport cuisine, Greek football parties and some technical issues with Katie's mic. In the cart:Buffalo Style Chicken Poppers KibbehParmasean Pastry PupsSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

The Hoes hit the new item jackpot at Trader Joe's with a trio of new, seasonal and festive offerings. It's a sweet and savory smackdown of butternut Sasquatch proportions. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: horseradish fatalities, Spice People and Trader Jekyll. In the cart:Trader Joe's Butternut Squash Mac & Cheese BitesBamba with Hazelnut Creme FillingSpooky Bats & Cats Sour Gummy CandiesSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

It is finally here, Hoes! We're dipping more than a toe into pumpkin season  this week with three brand new items packed with Cucurbita. So grab your Uggs, Patagonia vests, whatever the heck pumpkin powder is, and get ready. Not on the menu, but certainly on their minds: How pumpkin butter can be a soup, why Big Sugar is once again waging war with fat, and when Katie will finally try a PSL. 

We're easing into pumpkin season this year, Hoes, and we want to make sure we're looking gourd-geous for it. So, we're slathering on some new and classic skincare items from Trader Joe's. Not in the cart but certainly on their minds: Summer pumpkins, where the heck Cucurbita is and if this is the year that Katie finally tries a PSL. 

The Hoes get bad and bubbly with some sparkling selections from Trader Joe's. Open up a can of your favorite refreshment and get ready to answer the hard-hitting questions like is ACV the new Kombucha? More importantly, can we mix vodka with it? Not on the menu but definitely on our minds: Cactus Coolers, LipSmackers and jazz feelings. In the Cart: Sparkling LemonadeSparkling Green Tea with Pineapple Juice Sparkling Lemonade + Strawberry Apple Cider Vinegar Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

Sometimes, you've got to face the big life questions. Like why are we here? What is the meaning of life? And is brownie cake? This week, we get answers (at least to that last one) and try some new and classic Trader Joe's baking mixes. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: the glory of Amish baked goods, a debate about the value of Arby's, and whether Evie is an alien or not.  

Nope, that title isn't a trick. Katie's taking a well-deserved week off, so Evie reeled in her fiancé, Brian, to be her co-hoe. They dove head-first into Trader Joe's seafood burgers and paddled through all kinds of tangents. There's just one rule at this pool, though: Do not even think about microwaving these patties at work. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: Brian's midwestern love for circular frozen foods, Evie's discovery of the new fish, Mahi Tuna, some sports references, and the best '90s Lunchables. 

Things heat up this week when we (kinda) cook some new Trader Joe's frozen items. But just like Cher, these are anything but one-hit-wonders. Talk about versatility! Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: Trader Joe's best season, Evie's watch tan, and Katie's relationship with potatoes. 

The Hoes take a hit to the taste buds with some of Trader Joe's spiciest selections. It's an eye-watering, sweat-inducing, nostril-flaring foray into some of Joe's more formidable new items.  Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: smoked meats, mascara and Evie's marine grandma.  In the Cart: Crispy Thai Chilies & Sesame Seeds Jalapeño Monterey Jack CheeseBeemster Hatch Pepper Gouda  Sweet & Spicy Pickle Chips & OnionsSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

What happens when you mix two parts Trader Hoes, one part Aaron Carter concert, one part ‘80s kids' show and a dash of some unknown accent? Oh, just a cocktail episode! You've been asking for it, so we finally dug out our mixologist skills (or lack thereof) and tried out some easy, poolside-perfect mixed drinks. Let's just say it was all a “duck blur.” 

Once again, it's time to see which champion will win the gold. No, we're not talking about the Olympics. We're talking another Trader Joe's Snack Down. This time, we're pitting M&M's against TJ's candy-coated competitors, and things get sticky. We also peruse the M&M's dating profiles, get to the very well-researched bottom of the connection between chocolate and hugs, and share some very useful facts about the Abernathy Boys. 

The Hoes have a few questions when testing out Trader Joe's newest feature items. Citrus dessert popcorn? Get out of here. Chocolate covered rice cakes? What is this? 1992?  But maybe Joe's onto something with his most recent elote seasoned special... Not on the bizarre menu but certainly on our minds: the zombie apocalypse, Sha'Carri Richardson and childhood cereals. In the Cart:Key Lime Kettle PopcornChocolate-Coated Rice CakesEverything And the Elote Greek Style Yogurt DipSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

We know Ben and J-Lo have been making headlines lately, but we've got the true couple of the summer in these new items, Hoes. These crackers and cheese might be an unlikely pair, but they won't be the most surprising reveal of the episode. Promise. Because we're channeling Dora The Explorer, heading to Crack City to boost some babes, naming our future pets, and introducing time travel chic fashion. Who gave us permission, Hoes? *Three-second pause.* Do you know who gave us permission? 

The Hoes plant themselves firmly in herbivore territory with Trader Joe's new vegan options. Between the pea-based “pork” rinds, the beef-free bolognese and the chicken-free masala salad, it's a meatless menu full of unexpected flavors. Not on the table but certainly on our minds: chicharrones, Popeye and our newest franchise, Tater Joe's. In the Cart:Vegan Pasta BologneseVegan Chickpea Masala SaladSpicy Porkless Plant-Based Snack RindsSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

Hoes, what's your go-to ice cream order this summer? Ours? Oh, it's just a triple scoop of new TJ's treats, a drizzle of Welcome to Your Fantasy, some crumbles savory scone from The Dinersaur, the crushed dream of a Trader Joe's convention and just a pinch of subtle farts to top it off. Get those spoons ready! 

The Hoes are hitting up the newest items in Trader Joe's cheese section and boy has he made some choices. Toss in some new crackers and BYOW because we're about to get into some charfoolerie (charcuterie + foolery - come on, guys). Not on the menu but certainly on our minds: the beauty of the grading curve, Instagram-worthy boards and sleepy time cheese.In the Cart:- Creamy Toscano Soaked in Rosé Wine - Tealicious Cheddar Cheese- Sfogliette Thin & Crunchy Rosemary Italian CrackersSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

Unlike some of these items, we’re not sugar-coating anything this week, Hoes. We’re treating ourselves to some sweet new goodies from Trader Joe’s and let’s just say things get eirdway. Not on the menu but certainly on our minds: Popular tubers, the ending of the Chippendales tangent Evie took us on, podcast club meetings and how much TJ’s crew members are allowed to shit talk new items. 

The Hoes are hitting up some of Trader Joe’s newest items and it’s only going to get crazier from here because Joe is vaxxed, waxed and ready bombard you with a whole slew of never-before-seen seasonal products. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: Trader Joe’s bathrooms, the likability of turtles, and secret TJ crew listeners. In the Cart:Crispy Crunchy CrispsCrispy Jalapeño PiecesTangy TurtlesSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

The Hoes get down and dairy with Trader Joe’s newest frozen deserts. Will they melt for Joe’s newest seasonal pint or give the cold shoulder to his latest Hold the Cone creation? Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: TJs pickup lines, the divisiveness of peaches and bottled bong water. In the Cart:Southern Peach Crisp Ice CreamNon-Dairy Frozen Dessert Chocolate Fudge Oat BarsMini Hold the Cone: Coffee Bean Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

This week, we're getting schooled with a child-like charcuterie spread that kindergarteners could only dream of. Plus, Evie learns that all of her childhood may have been a lie, Katie learns that Evie may have been holding out on her with the best dip of them all, and they both learn that not all gummies are grade A. Big shoutout to our Hoes who wrote in with questions that we answer throughout the episode. 

Welcome to the Trader Hoes remix. Did we change up the way we do this episode? Not at all. Did we give you a preview of our rapping skills? Unfortunately, yes. Get ready for the song of the summer and your new snacks of the summer with these peanut butter and chocolate duets. We’re also blowing minds with some Girl Scout Cookie delivery knowledge, Regina George comparisons and possibly our newest merch item. 

Pickle popcorn may not be back but a new sister item is hot on the scene (and you know the Hoes are here for it). From nuggets to chips, pickles to pretzels, Trader Joe's newest snack items are making one salty showdown.  Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: 90 Day Fiancé, a floral arrangement followup and a Pride and Prejudice take on past TJs items. In the Cart:Chips in a Pickle Onion Chips Almond Butter Pretzel NuggetsSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)

We’re getting personal this week, Hoes, with a little walk down memory (or mammary) lane. What can we say? These vegan dips just brought us back and brought some surprises. Channel your inner child with us as we carry our breadsticks like fancy cigarettes, recount some of Evie’s favorite family recipes and question what meat (if any) was really in Chef Boyardee. 

The Hoes kicks back with some keto -conscious snacks courtesy of Trade Joe's. Giddyup for a cheese bite bonanza featuring tomato, truffle and semi-aged perfection. Not in these resealable bags but certainly on our minds: wine (duh), Fifth Element throwbacks and a Trader Hoes floral arrangement workshop lead by yours truly - whaaat??In the cart:Oven-Baked Cheese BitesOven-Baked Cheese Bites with Tomato and ChiliOven-Baked Cheese Bites with Black Summer TruffleSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/traderhoes)