The Tony Wong Podcast

Don’t miss Part 2 of this episode where we touch on how diets can lead to almost religious dogma, how lifestyle and diets affect relationships, as well as genetics as it relates to food.   We pick up where the conversation left off in episode 16!   Key Takeaways   [:09] Tony sets up Part 2 of the discussion on the complexities of food knowledge and how America’s relationship to food has evolved into lifestyles.   Food Religion [1:17] What if you become so rigid about food that it defines how you live your life? Mekai touches on the respect that is required in order to accept people in their choices, food or otherwise.   Food relationships [6:25] Andrea shares her own understanding of the importance of remaining flexible in her diet as well as how teaching people about food can be part of the process.   Internet, don’t cancel Ron! [11:30] Is there actual credence to be lent to studies that claim that the more you hang out with overweight people, the more you are at risk of being overweight yourself?   Genetics and epigenetics [13:25] Though your genetic history will have an impact on body composition, there is research pointing to the foods you eat having an effect on gene activation.   The crazy world of vitamins [16:01] Mekai shares some information on how genetics can play a role in the metabolization of certain compounds as well as touches on nutrient depletion in our food supplies.   Variety is the spice of life! [19:00] We’ve domesticated a restrained amount of plants and animals, so how can we expect the variety our bodies may require?   The number will astound you [21:44] How many plants and vegetables a week to maintain a healthy gut microbiome? Andrea offers the most recent studies.   The multiple factors of health [22:54] There is an intuitive understanding that healthy lifestyle overall is more important than just good food alone...   Don’t let overwhelm win [24:30] Before Tony closes out the podcast, Andrea offers that while all this may seem enormous and overwhelming: if you’re going to start anywhere, start with food!   Thanks for listening!   More about your host Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/agiletony YouTube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   More about our guests Andrea Hollenbeck on Instagram @andreajileen and LinkedIn Meki Blackwell on @mekiellacb and LinkedIn   Mentioned in this episode: Dr. Will Bulsiewicz David Attenborough: A Life on Our Planet

Why do we need to know so much to even begin to scratch the surface of how to eat properly? How did we lose our bearings when it comes to the one aspect of our lives that is the highest predictor of our overall health?   This discussion focuses on how powerful lobbies and constantly evolving science have led national guidelines to promote a diet that has made America the number-one unhealthiest country.   From food “blue zones” where people live longer to fad diets, recipes, and individual factors, Tony, Ron, Andrea, and Meki discuss how they’ve been navigating their own food journeys as well as the knowledge that drives it.   Key Takeaways [1:44] Tony welcomes everyone to the podcast and launches the discussion: How did we get to being so confused about diets and food? Ron shares his perspective on the historical aspects that have shaped America’s relationship to food.   Lobbies and pyramids [4:15] 50 years to figure out we’re doing it wrong — or that we’ve been told the wrong things by powerful lobbies.   The Kellogg obsession [8:26] So were corn flakes invented to kill the libido? Regardless of the answer, Americans now need to navigate a world where food knowledge was obscured for a very long time.   The Blue Zones [10:54] Who HAS figured food out?   Macro/Micro [16:30] From the high-carb, low-fat diet of the 90’s to the general, Andrea speaks to the conditioning Americans have had, to think of food only at a macronutrient level.   The old vegans [18:29] Meki touches on the bodywork she does on vegans and how their tissue differs from protein eaters!   Andrea’s recipes! [20:00] Andrea breaks down her predominantly plant-based whole foods way of eating — with no particular restrictions.   The big factors [27:05] Food accounts for the majority of your health, genetics do come into play as well as lifestyle — however our biggest current unknown looks like gut biome and how childhood can affect your entire life.   The great hoax [33:09] We’ve been led to believe that “My Plate” from the government works for everybody. So there is an amount of work to be done in terms of what works for you.   Thanks for listening! Don’t miss part 2 of this episode where we touch on how diets can lead to almost religious dogma, how lifestyle and diets affect relationships as well as genetics as it relates to food.   More about your host Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/agiletony YouTube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   More about our guests Andrea Hollenbeck on Instagram @andreajileen and LinkedIn Meki Blackwell on @mekiellacb and LinkedIn   Mentioned in this episode: Lavva — pili nut yogurt Kind Garden of Life Wahls’ protocol Saccharomyces

Today’s show is a guided exercise in mindfulness by Zen Master Genpo Roshi; tune in to hear how you may have been poorly instructed, if at all, on how to meditate as well as what the long-term benefits of the practice are.   Meditation may not be the negation of the thinking mind that you think it is… It is rather an act of setting the thinking mind free, knowing it will quiet down.   Key Takeaways Genpo speaks to Ron’s thinking mind [1:13] When you try to meditate, what does the thinking mind do? It thinks… It’s what it does. It thinks about the day, the things you have to do, didn’t do, the past, the future.   The thinking mind gets a hall pass [4:26] Genpo invites Ron to let his thinking mind go wherever it will for a few moments, an unbridled thinking minute. The absence of resistance enables the thinking mind to calm down.   The non-thinking mind needs love too  [7:14] So very few of us actually give room to the non-thinking part of our brain… Genpo offers that the Tao is something we all have within but we give it little space.   The apex [10:13] If the thinking mind and the non-thinking mind are the base of a triangle, who’s at the top? It’s you. And from this place, you get to choose who has screen time, the thinking mind or the non-thinking mind.   Slow or fast, the benefits of meditation come [15:55] Regardless of the type of meditation you chose to practice, they all allow us to quiet down and become more centered and more focused — the very first benefit. As time goes on and as peace settles into the practice, more aspects of the self are discovered.   Imagine that [16:42] Imagine the peace that would come from not being affected by what people thought of you — not in a negative way — the liberation of knowing you can’t control that and that it’s okay.   Relationships and being right [17:33] Genpo touches on how long it took to become what he says is “Okay at relationships” because he couldn’t appreciate other people’s points of view, always thinking that his were more important or right.   What is Zen? [22:11] A slice of happiness, effortlessness, and making peace with yourself in the world.   On death and the value of life [23:50] Roshi speaks to the importance of people's perspective on death; he shares his personal experiences with death. He’s come to the conclusion that to make peace with our own death allows us to enjoy life more.   The balloon [26:26] Denying or avoiding negative emotions will never work, anything we repress will come out somewhere else.   Thanks for tuning in! We understand that there is a good chance this episode will have raised some seriously profound questions in some people. If you want to discuss this further, please don’t hesitate to get in touch with Tony through any of the means below.   More about your host Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/agiletony Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   More about our guest Genpo Roshi, Big Mind

Have you ever wished you wish you could pacify certain warring parts of yourself? We all live with the struggle of internal opposites: knowing you should do something (exercise? eat healthily? meditate?) but still procrastinating, knowing you’re performing well enough but still being stressed, needing to make a big decision but still being fearful… Big Mind is a profoundly interesting tool that enables individuals to identify aspects of themselves and work through the relationships they entertain with them.   In well-trained hands — hard to do better than Genpo Roshi — you could puzzle it all.   Key Takeaways   Ron is a skeptic [1:58] Ron shares how his journey has progressed to him being more aware of his mental processes as well as his view of spirituality which does include some measure of fear of being swindled.   Roshi butts in! [4:20] Genpo Roshi offers Big Mind to Ron and begins by asking to speak to the part of Ron who is a skeptic. Watch this convo between Ron the Skeptic and Ron the believer unfold!   The Base and the Apex [13:49] So we have a skeptical Ron on the left and a non-skeptical Ron on the right… if we make this the base of a triangle, what do we find at the apex?   The purpose of Zen [14:40] On balance and the purpose of Zen, finding peace and harmony by ending the internal conflict.   The infinity of what you don’t know [15:53] Genpo speaks to the part of Ron that is everything he doesn’t know.   Ron’s nervous laugh [19:20] Guys we know, touching infinity is weird, just go along.   So there it is, the meaning of life [21:58]   The illusion of self and the end of fear [23:52] From this infinite Big Mind place, Roshi explains that the concept of self is an illusion and shares how to get your fear to stop paralyzing you and do what it’s supposed to, its only job: warn you if danger is coming.   Thanks for tuning in! We understand that there is a good chance this episode will have raised some seriously profound questions in some people… If you want to discuss this further, please don’t hesitate to get in touch with Tony through any of the means below.   More about your host Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/agiletony Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw More about our guest Genpo Roshi, Big Mind

We are fortunate to ring in the new year with a discussion with Genpo Roshi, one of my Zen Masters and the creator of Big Mind. Today’s episode is a dive into deeper ideas ranging from human purpose to the meaning of life — no less!   All of these discussions stem from an important realization in the tech community that healthy habits like eating well and exercising only address one aspect of human life. It has become clear that tending to the health and balance of your mind is an integral part of human health.   Join in for an enlightening conversation on life and the mind with one of the top experts available.   Key Takeaways   What should we call you? [1:58] Roshi means Zen master and Genpo Roshi has been practicing Zen for over 50 years and became a Zen Master 24 years ago.   Zen and your life [2:40] It’s not just this esoteric idea of calm. It means life — your life — complete, whole, liberated, and a mess at the same time.   Being connected to everything and everybody else, how do we love and appreciate all the differences?   Self and your shadows [4:26] None of us can see ourselves clearly. There is who we see ourselves as and who others see us as — the shadows.   You can still be an asshole [4:55] You can sit in meditation (Za Zen) and just sit on your junk, you crap, your stuff… and you can have realizations and openness and appreciate it all but somehow remain an asshole.   Unresolvable puzzles [6:00] The study of Koans — mind puzzles — is used to coax the mind that is not limited by concepts, what Roshi calls big mind, true nature, true self, true mind.   The impossible meaning of life [6:45] Understanding is conceptual and limited, so understanding the meaning of life is impossible, however, you can “be” it. In a way, you can grasp it all even though you’ll never understand it all.   Thoughts are suffering [10:57] The thinking mind causes all our suffering, but repressing it isn’t the answer, invite it. Same with suffering, the moment we are ready to invite more, we are bigger than the suffering itself.   The healthy lifestyle triad [13:00] Meditation is right up there, with eating well, and exercising, in the goals of the tech community.   The incredible window that is COVID-19 [13:43] Before COVID-19 we wanted to run off to a monastery. But we are in a forced retreat. Learn to be patient, persevere, meditate, become wiser.   The COVID-19 opportunity [17:44] Genpo Roshi touches on the six paramitas (perfections) as ways to make this COVID-19 time more meaningful: 1- Generosity 2- Discipline 3- Perseverance 4- Patience 5- Meditation 6- Wisdom   No pressure, right? [21:30] Shakespeare wrote King Lear during his quarantine from a black plague outbreak… Ron fears having not done enough.   Roshi’s tips on meditation [24:20] Meditation can be daunting and difficult for a lot of people, Roshi offers his tips:   1- Don’t try to meditate — haha! 2- Sit and relax — it might be hard, you will have thoughts, just let them run and allow them to come and go without chasing them.   It’s more delicious than just about anything [25:56] Samadhi is better than sleep, more delicious than just about anything. It does have some staying power and it will affect your day, but it takes time, practice, patience, and perseverance.   COMING UP NEXT! [27:36] Roshi offers to work with Ron on Big Mind and meditation, but that’s for next episode! Thanks for tuning in and don’t forget to keep an eye out for episode 14!   More about your host Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/agiletony Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   More about our guest Genpo Roshi, Big Mind

I recently did my first (8-hour!) myofascial release session with my guest Meki Blackwell and it revealed a deeper perspective on how the body’s connective tissues work — I mean beyond what we all understand as “rolling out.” Are we taught how to move? Are we taught how to stand? We all know the answer to that, and it all leads to pain and premature aging.   Joins me today for an interesting dive into what it means to understand the mechanistic body as a holistic system.       Key Takeaways   From MeatHead to Body Shop [2:06] Simplified, myofascial release is what people call rolling out, right? Meki shares a metaphor — flossing your teeth is like rolling out, seeing her for treatment is like seeing your dental hygienist, easy enough!   So MORE stuff to do? [2:58] Eat right, exercise, meditate, yoga, myofascial release, and then your entire day is gone! Making offers that you don’t have to do all of that, but it doesn’t affect your quality of life.   Learning to move [3:38] Mekai explains that there are many body parts people tend to wrongfully grip in order to perform certain movements as well as the consequences of that. Tony shares his meathead experience and how treatment has helped him get better.   Intelligent fascia? [11:30] There is building evidence that the fascia is part of our overall nervous system, and a lot of nervous receptors are situated there and provide information on spatial awareness. Meki offers that though it may be controversial now, she believes the fascia to be part of human consciousness.   Type A boons [18:45] Type A people can really benefit from this kind of treatment. Meki shares some techniques she uses to help high-performance people get resolution on certain problems or difficult decision making.   Before and after pics! [25:30] Meki shares before and after pictures from her Instagram (see for yourself here!)   What about all the normals? [29:48] Meki does a lot of work with athletes but she shares how her treatments help normal non-athletes as well.   How long does it all take? [31:15] Tony asks if everyone’s session takes 8 HOURS!? Bodybuilder type bodies take longer since, in order to get to the multiple layers of fascia, many passes are required and more so when the muscles are larger.   [34:07] Tony closes out this week’s episode with a bit of a recap on the benefits of myofascial release noting that most training programs are optimized for either esthetics or performance and until recently, few of them integrated intentional recuperation but the trend is shifting.   If you want to see the second round, watch episode 11 of the Tony Wong Podcast here.   Thanks for tuning in.   More about your host Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/agiletony Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   More about our guest Meki Blackwell

Last week, Andrea joined the show for an experiment on mindset and performance. The results were clear: if you’re looking to create a frame of mind that makes hard activities seem enjoyable, this is the key!   Listen in for the Big Mind session I did with Andrea and if you feel like you might use some one-on-one coaching, follow the link and fill out the form here.   Key Takeaways   Body scan [7:24] Andrea — out of breath — from her first training experiment starts a body scan with Tony.   Big Mind [10:50] The Big Mind process was created by Tony’s Zen master Genpo Roshi. Tony walks Andrea through the session and gets her ready for her second round of training.   If you want to see the second round, watch episode 10 of the Tony Wong Podcast here.   Thanks for tuning in.   More about your hosts Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/agiletony Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   More about our guests Andrea Hollenback on Instagram @andreajileen and LinkedIn   More Big Mind

Do you really have to crush, grind, and power through to perform? Does it have to be that difficult? Today’s episode is a practical experiment on the neuroscience principles that underpin neuroplasticity and the way humans learn in general.   If you want Tony to coach you, follow the link and fill out the form here.   Dr. Andrew Huberman has been making the podcast rounds lately, talking about the fine balance that needs to be struck between agitation and relaxed focus — sympathetic/parasympathetic nervous systems — to create the brain environment required to better integrate information, neuroplasticity.   To figure out if there are practical ways individuals can achieve this easily, return guest Andrea Hollenback agreed to play along in a three-part test where we: 1. Pushed her limits, in the form of a workout. 2. Helped her relax and coached her in Big Mind. 3. Pushed her limits again to see if they had moved at all.   The first part of this video podcast is the training and coaching session and the second part is where we pull apart the experience and establish if we were successful, listen in for an enlightening episode!         Key Takeaways   Experiment   Set 1 — Why did I sign up for this?! [7:24] Andrea — out of breath — shares her impressions on the first workout set and talks about the negative self-talk she had to battle to manage to get through it.   Coaching — Big Mind and Body scan [10:50] To help Andrea recover from her first set, Tony talks her through a body scan, and in order to get her primed and in the right mindset for her second set, does a Big Mind exercise with her.   The Big Mind process was created by Tony’s Zen master Genpo Roshi.   Set 2 – Better faster stronger [12:00] Andrea shares her thoughts on the second workout set which comparatively felt like an enjoyable experience.   She and Tony posit that this positive feeling carried through a difficult or challenging experience will lead to repeat performance which is ultimately key to any long-term success.   Discussion   The empowered, relaxed Andrea [14:45] Andrea shares her surprise at the results of the Big Mind exercises she went through with Tony and how it was the key to getting her into the right mindset quickly.   Putting your energy to better use [18:52] Despite having done an entire first — and exhausting — set, it would stand to reason that the set following the coaching would have been harder, but the opposite occurred!   The seemingly paradoxical neuroscience [19:51] Being able to focus through agitation is the neuroscience principle that underpins neuroplasticity and finding that delicate balance between agitation and relaxed focus. It’s finding the interplay between your sympathetic and parasympathetic systems.   Wider applicability [24:27] Tony and Andrea discuss how these principles can be applied to our work and private lives insofar as we manage to gain control of the mindset balance required to be in that hyper-aware state.   The aftermath [26:59] Beyond just the event itself — in this case, a workout — Tony wonders at the importance of the general feeling that follows and its purpose in your general disposition towards maintaining this behavior in the future. When the parasympathetic system takes over, you are in a position to learn.   Andrea’s epiphany [31:36] So you can retrain your autonomic nervous system, and it doesn’t even feel difficult! Tony and Andrea discuss the crush and grind of their careers.   On Tony [35:09] From panic attacks to adrenal fatigue and complete exhaustion, Tony shares what striving for this kind of balance has meant for him. Andrea shares her battles as well.   The grind as a hero narrative [35:49] Tony and Andrea discuss the twisted narrative that you have to sacrifice everything — including your sense of morality — at the altar of success. Both of them offer that finding the sympathetic/parasympathetic balance would enable success without as much sacrifice.   [40:13] Tony draws some conclusions from the episode and opens up the discussion to listener comments.   Thanks for tuning in.   More about your hosts Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/tonywongdigitalonion Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   More about our guests Andrea Hollenback on Instagram @andreajileen and LinkedIn   More Dr. Andrew Huberman Big Mind

While a car metaphor may be a bit dated, it does seem to hit the nail on the head… Usually, we’re attracted to the shiny exterior, but when we look under the hood, the excitement may fall away. Would the reverse be possible then? Look under the hood, get excited, and then get attracted to the exterior? Are men and women different on that front?   Join Tony, Ron, and Andrea as they tackle all of those questions, almost naming names, always brutally honest, and often skirting the lines of what’s acceptable!     Key Takeaways   [2:53] Tony opens up the discussion with a metaphor leading to the question: can intellectual and emotional connection pave the way to sexual excitement for men, or is it only ever the other way around?   Andrea offers examples on how, for her, it absolutely does work that way… She’s met solid tens that lost their luster when she peeked under the hood and has also met sevens and eights whose maturity and intelligence turned them hot in a heartbeat!   Do men and women fundamentally differ in that aspect? can you even find a partner that is deep, that is hot, and that has everything you want?   From religious constraints to fighting 10,000 years of history [5:04] Is it really on one person that rests the burden of your happiness and satisfaction?   Yin (feminine, right brain, sex) and Yang (masculine, left brain, conversation) are complementary energies. However, even if they are not gendered, shifting between yin and yang energies is hampered by social gender narratives. This prevents both men and women to express feminine and masculine energies at any given (and opportune) time to accommodate an eventual partner.   Doing the work [9:27] Andrea explains that “doing the work” at its core means identifying your common patterns in order to break them up and adapt them to the reality you’re looking to build around yourself.   The rules of engagement [7:25] Ron offers that the rules of engagement when it comes to what is expected of a relationship have been broken up by so many external forces like religion, society, and biology, that the diversity of backgrounds means that everyone has a particular “broken pattern” and that getting your puzzle piece to meet with that of another is difficult.   [12:44] “How much older do I have to get to realize that unicorns just don’t exist?”   Wisdom [13:00] Realising long-term satisfaction vs. a temporary high is the goal, but that means many things to different people — Margaret Mead suggested you should marry your first love, marry for family, and marry a third time for companionship.   Andrea enjoins that Tony should not be Margaret, Tony should be Tony.   Excitement [17:20] Dating is the pinnacle of excitement, but now that we can’t really do all that, people are getting more real.   The pandemic has exposed this American dating format — trips, fancy restaurants, events — as a fun culture but one that may be a little rotten.   Blondes make better wives [19:27] Yep, we go there.   They’re not the same [22:30] Tony touches on the difference between love and lust. Ron loves a lot of people. He speaks to his relationship with his wife and some of his previous girlfriends. And lusting for multiple people at the same time.   Poly wants all the crackers [26:05] We keep doing things because it’s what we think we have to do. But doing the opposite, say, the polyamorous thing, you’re turning your back on society and you can become a pariah. If we could work it out with society, we’d be waaaay more poly!   HELP TONY [28:06] Though Tony is not a rule follower all of this relationship stuff is so complicated, can’t someone just tell him what to do?   Let's talk about Andrea [29:05] Though she prefers monogamy, she is looking for a partner: a person who will support her, be competent, strong mentally and emotionally, flexible, and able to have productive conversations.   Companionship and flexibility sound like keys to Andrea.   On Unicorns [33:05] As the expectations of having it all in a relationship increases, the complexity goes up and it requires more skill. Now the male and female have to be able to adeptly shift between yin and yang energies, it requires a whole lot of communication and emotional intelligence skills.   You’re going to move in and out of a relationship flow state, and when you’re out of it, the question will become, was the flow deep enough to maintain the relationship?   AHA! [35:27] Tony’s teacher said “relationships are the crucible of life.” To be able to work out your sexual desires, your intellectual needs, your emotional needs, that’s all of life! That’s it!   How we try to make it work [36:10] Monogamy, it’s a tough tackle. Once you’re past the lust part, how do you value the rest of a relationship? Tony speaks to his own experience with a “hall pass.”   Following society’s rules won’t necessarily make you happy, but when you love someone you want them to be happy!   QUESTIONS FOR ANDREA! [44:07] Q1: As a man, how do you separate yourself from the pack?   Just be you, and have the balls to come say “Hey! How are you” and have a casual conversation. Be mindful of how you carry yourself in a group of people — hold your own but don’t be attention-grabbing. Be as casual and friendly as you can.     Q2: Is “hard to get” still a thing during COVID-19? NOBODY LIKES THOSE GAMES. And no one has time for that sh*t. Have the guts to just be honest.   Brutal honesty [50:40] Andrea shares two key moments when brutal honesty enabled meaningful conversation for her recently.   Tony looked at Andrea’s guy and he’s a normal-looking dude!   Becoming a better person [57:30] Tony’s date is driving her to be better, Ron touches on the work that needs to be done on both parts for a relationship to work.   Andrea gives an example of the energy exchange required in order for a relationship to click; guess what, it all boils down to intangibles.   Conclusions? [1:07:50] There are some tangible things to productive relationships, and some others are completely out of our control. Maybe we need 5,000 years of zen to figure relationships out, but in the meantime, maybe the best you can do is figure yourself out and be true to that.   Thanks for tuning in.   More about your hosts Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/tonywongdigitalonion Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   Co-host Ron Williams on LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/ronwilliams   More about our guests Andrea Hollenbeck on Instagram @andreajileen and on LinkedIn

The trend of looking for real meaningful experiences has been around for a while now, but COVID changed the game: the immediate starkness of lockdown made us miss the simple things in life, real human connection.   This awkward moment in history is just the one Tony picked to start online dating!   In order to make a bit of sense of his own experiences and women more broadly, Tony interviews three beautiful (we’re not kidding), successful, smart L.A. women, in search of some answers on what makes a man attractive, what smart women are looking for and what they haven’t yet been able to find.   Join Tony, Andrea, Jenna and Kanani to figure out what it is people can’t seem to find.   Key Takeaways   [:09] Tony opens up the show by setting the stage: he started online dating four weeks ago and the results got him thinking: what do women want?   Simple yet complicated [3:07] Smart, attractive, and successful women who do self-work gain stability and clarity on who they are.   Women note: they look for men who are mentally stable and emotionally intelligent.   L.A. is weird [7:30] It appears L.A. may be a unique beast in this respect, but women have often found the end of a relationship at the very first sign of trouble: “It’s too much work and there are too many other women to put in any effort in a relationship.”   A dating case study [10:50] She has over 100 messages in her Hinge inbox, but she only met one person in person and it went poorly… What didn’t she find?   He was very successful, very hard working, had clarity and purpose but he was negative and controlling (as far as asking for a change in appearance after only a few dates!)   At a failed 1% rate, clearly, it shouldn’t be played as a numbers game.   They see more than we think [17:54] Tony is surprised to find how much details these women can infer from a few profile pictures!   Women note: go for raw authentic and genuine photos, don’t stage and pose so much.   What is a turn-off in a profile? Too many: babies, kids, cats, dogs (don’t try to thirst trap) Too staged: leaning against a car, wistfully looking out into the distance Too much: shirtless, surfing, group, sunglasses   Don’t hide the truth [24:17] Social media is the new white picket fence: only the best pics and happiest moments make the cut and it’s very misleading.   Women note: you aren’t perfect AND you don’t have to be.   From wide and shallow to narrow and deep [25:30] Women are looking for deeper connections with fewer people, the ‘casting a wide net’ approach has not been fruitful.   Women note: are you so caught up in what you think you’re supposed to do to be a man, that you don’t pay attention to what you do need to do?   Do. The. Work. [28:36] Just like telling someone to relax, it’s not that simple, but it is worthwhile...   Women note: be authentic, be vulnerable. How? Get to know yourself, to be yourself.   Women don’t want what you think they do [30:10] The societal pressure for men to be successful has ramped up to the point of being altogether one-sided.   Women note: it’s not all material success: you’re golden if you can have a hard conversation.   Masculinity [31:32] There is now a rebalancing of what it means to be masculine and having emotional intelligence is part of masculinity.   Women note: aside from EQ they look for honesty, confidence, strength in the face of emotion, mental presence, and integrity.   Physicality [36:00] Inner qualities don’t negate the outside ones — they are still important.   Women note: you have more leeway if the beauty inside is there and the physical doesn’t quite match than the other way around.   Are women looking for a unicorn? [47:42] The world is super competitive and all of our energy needs to be poured into your work in order to be financially successful as per society’s standards; this leaves little room for self-work and introspection.   Maybe social pressure also makes it that being vulnerable and open as a man is tough.   Showcasing you [49:18] In order to showcase who you are and attract the person you want, you first have to know what both those things are! Be more aware of what you’re going for and be authentic in that space.   Women note: your pics say more than you think, and so do your answers!   How to be a better person [55:30] Tony shares the story of how his mentor found success by changing the name of his book to fit the audience, from ‘how to be a better man’ to ‘W dating.’   Tony’s take [1:00:00] If you’re looking for something that is going to grow you and fulfill you, it’s not going to feel familiar.   Tony shares an exercise to identify your physical reactions to a person and analyze what they mean.   Women (and Tony) note: men and women need to do the work, don’t settle: if she isn’t right, she isn’t right.   The Woke Fit Guy [1:07:45] An app opportunity?! All our guests are in.   Thanks for tuning in.   More about your hosts Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/tonywongdigitalonion Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   Co-host Ron Williams on LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/ronwilliams   More about our guests Andrea Hollenbeck on Instagram @andreajileen and on LinkedIn Jenna Borden on Instagram @jenjenborden Kanani  Lynn Kroll on Instagram @Bfearlessfitness, on her website, on Facebook and on LinkedIn

The last two episodes covered the competitive, one-sided, optimized-for-profit nature of the tech industry and the tools it produced to perpetuate its own wealth, as well as the rise in popularity of meditation, which has the side-effect of enabling the possibility of peaceful opposing beliefs, and shrinking the divide between ‘us’ and ‘them.’   Today’s topic is on the sense of self, who we think we are versus the perception others have of us and where, within those often opposing concepts, lies the truth.   Noel Wax, CEO of the Groundswell group and long time friend of Tony’s, joins the show today to shed some light on why he sees himself as an introvert when this comes as a huge surprise for Tony and many, many other people — he also shares a cool hack on how to seem super extroverted when you’re really not.   Key Takeaways   [:09] Tony introduces Noel Wax and launches the conversation on the sense of self as perceived by the individual as well as by others and the ramifications that these often conflicting views entail.   The edge of a precipice [2:40] Tony, Noel, and Ron agree that the general feeling and energy of current times feel like an oncoming paradigm shift.   A telling webinar [5:40] Tony shares the recent moment he realized that his long-time friend thought of himself as an introvert — 35 years of friendship pointed in the other direction, it seemed.   Tony offers an explanation: people’s perception of a person is reality. What he argues isn’t reality are the thoughts and beliefs and the sh*t that goes on in people’s heads.   Alignment and Nirvana [13:11] Noel contends that regardless of where reality lies, aiming to align what you think of yourself with what people think of you is an unattainable goal. Even if it sounds like nirvana.   The stakes hack [15:44] If you hear people say the same thing about you over and over, isn’t that you? Noel shares a personal experience where he came off as fearless — it’s a lot easier when there is nothing at stake.   The ice cream bar of the social self [19:21] Ron offers that this extroverted introvert conundrum may just be one of the many flavors of imposter syndrome.   The iterative cycles of you [22:55] Noel speaks to his inability to sit back and take in things before talking. And shares his perspectives on who Noel is today.   The tug of war for a shared reality [27:34] Ron talks about everyone living in the reality they created, trying to integrate their loved ones and create a kind of shared perception space. He also touches on how the economic pressures and social media contribute to the shaping of this perceived reality, so figuring out who you are today is difficult.   Being deliberate about the choices we make and how they impact what reality you create around yourself takes a lot of energy.   A continuum of self  [30:30] Tony speaks to his own ideas as to what makes you who you are, namely consciousness and choice. The self is on an ever-evolving continuum and changes at every moment with every environmental input and output from choices and consciousness.   The algorithm [31:44] Noel speaks to his fears surrounding the subtle pressures that our modern environment exercises on us to guide our decisions. Our awareness of these pressures and the control we exercise on the choice we make shape our sense of self.   Though the blue pill of ignorance does have its charms.   An influential monolith [33:40] Pressure to conform to a certain set of beliefs has been around since the advent of religion. Radio and television made their appearance and changed the way the ideological pressure could be delivered to the masses.   Today we are seeing the rise of a monolithic source of social pressure in the form of personal hand-held devices. The algorithms used also contribute to an ever-narrowing source of information.   Active combat [37:01] Free will is in short supply, Tony breaks down the influences on our free will and agency, and it boils down to far too little — if none at all, according to some.   That should be super frightening for Americans (especially to those who storm the barricades in the name of personal freedom for a simple mask-wearing injunction!)   Ron shares the story of his elderly mother’s radicalizing email feed.   Noel has a weird Instagram [41:00] because Noel’s IG is used for work, the algorithm is populating his feed with a plethora of things that he thinks don’t reflect who he is.   But finding varied information sources is not that easy, and making your own choice and opinion is becoming increasingly challenging.   Indoctrination [44:24] Ron flew in on Delta; he recounts an incident on his flight in…   [46:59] Tony recaps the episode and offers a few thoughts and highlights.   Thanks for tuning in.   More about your hosts Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/tonywongdigitalonion Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   Co-host Ron Williams on LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/ronwilliams   More about our guest Noel Wax on Twitter Noel Wax on LinkedIn

A basic realization that comes from any somewhat serious meditation practice is that your mind is naturally multifaceted, wonderful, flawed, and idiosyncratic. Another insight quickly follows that all other humans have equally non-binary, wonderful, flawed, and idiosyncratic minds.   Meditation has the natural side-effect of enabling the possibility of peaceful opposing beliefs, and shrinking the divide between ‘us’ and ‘them.’   Last episode, we discussed the competitive, one-sided, optimized-for-profit nature of the tech industry and the tools it produced to perpetuate its own wealth.   Knowing that meditation has garnered a substantial following in tech, today’s discussion dives into the possibility that this practice of mindfulness will lead to direct moral and ethical conflict with current tech tools and systemic objectives.   Steve Mescon joins the show as our first repeat guest and shares his own mind-hacking practices and the results he’s had trying to bypass a lifetime of meditation through the use of tools, wearables, devices, training mechanisms and ‘supplements.’   Key Takeaways   [:09] Tony welcomes listeners and opens up the conversation with a simple question: what is the use of your left hemisphere (the one that interprets and analyses information) if you have no conscious access to the right side of your brain, i.e. the part that perceives reality directly.   Gaining control [5:26] Over the past five years and with the help of Tony’s coaching, Ron has gotten better at controlling his own mind. And although he still loses control over his emotions, he used to spend sleepless nights spinning around in his own mind.   Basic Zen practices are like mind hacks, without seeking enlightenment you can still learn to identify your thoughts and gain control.   How not to spin at night [8:01] Ron shares his own practices for getting to sleep, from a basic recognition of what his mind is doing to what he calls zen hacks for when the issue is more prickly. It doesn’t always work though and a high-stress environment like startups and personal issues can mess up the process.   Steve’s hacks [11:37] Being heavily ADHD, meditation is very hard for Steve; even paying attention to the breath is hard for him! So he chose to use tools, wearables, devices, training mechanisms, and supplements. What Steve does is to optimize the whole spectrum from health to emotional well-being to fulfillment.   Creating a reference point [14:50] Steve has been working on building a reference point for many things, but being in the right brain is one of them, just so that he can pinpoint and identify when it happens and foster those moments. He also touches on how surrounding yourself with people whom you can learn from either behaviorally or conceptually can lead to improvements.   [17:15] Tony explains that a lot of stress reduction and self-soothing happens on the right side of the brain, which people in tech — who tend to be very analytical — are just not used to. On top of that, technology is generating its wealth from the artificial heightening of our emotions, and it’s increasing the problem.   The result is misery and conflict [19:03] Facebook’s intent was initially to pick up hot girls, but regardless of intent, a lot of companies evolve into the monsters we know through a series of conscious business decisions.   We posit that because of tech’s profound impact on the masses, the principle of responsibility has to kick in for them at some point.   [21:04] If tech is the actor responsible for putting apps into everyone’s hands that effectively target the emotional brain, another part of this issue lies in our meritocratic educational systems which are targeted at optimizing the rational brain and minimizing the importance of the emotional one.   While the moral and ethical thing to do for those companies would be to draw a line in the sand, Tony asks how the Facebooks and Twitters are supposed to regulate against their self-interest.   The artificial limits of guided meditation [24:33] When guided, you are never taught to fully rely on yourself. It may make you feel better but you aren’t gaining any kind of facility or skill over your own mind.   Steve is learning to play piano; he explains how app learning differs from real-time learning and the limits it imposes.   A love-hate relationship [26:19] Tony, Ron, and Steve all agree that they feel worse after using social media.   How do you retrain your bird? [28:20] Ron talks about his thoughts of declaring twitter bankruptcy because his feed has become boring despite his efforts to retrain the algorithms.   Digital and analog [30:17] The binary right-or-wrong left brain is akin to a digital process, all ones and zeroes, and because of its rigid structure can only ever lead to a narrowing point of view, a kind of intellectual dead-end. The analog mind, or the right brain, acknowledges all possibilities but is inherently chaotic and requires tempering.   The indoctrinating narrative [35:03] The economic system works for its own benefit and promotes a narrative of what it means to be successful.   The scarcity fallacy [36:34] Starting 10 000 years ago when humans developed agriculture to better manage food shortages, the systems we’ve built for ourselves have been based on scarcity. In order to promote its own survival, our modern economic system runs on the premise that success, status, power, happiness, fulfillment and security are scarce and only achievable through money.   However the very people who have achieved the money aspect of this pursuit find themselves looking for more, notably through meditation, which by its very nature contradicts the scarcity premise.   Steve offers a caveat: people could meditate in service of their obligations to the system — i.e. in order to gain clarity and focus to solve the problems the system demands of them, furthering their own indoctrination — or in service to themselves, effectively trying to break the system’s indoctrination and gaining a measure of agency and self-fulfillment outside of the system’s constraints.   This begs the question: will meditation lead to emancipation from the system regardless of the initial motivation to begin a practice?   The beginnings of a red pill [39:12] Koans are mind puzzles, the first few hundred of which are designed to show you that your mind is making this sh*t up as it goes.   Tony offers the first Koan he was given: From where you sit, how do you stop the sound of the temple bell?   Meditation mechanics [42:00] The meditation and mindfulness space is full of esoteric terms, sometimes weaponized to make you feel confused and inadequate: Stand in your power! What does that even mean? Be present!   Tony offers the following thought experiment: Do you remember the first time you tasted an orange? What about the second? What was different in the two experiences? Although the first experience can vary from one individual to the next, the second time is always tainted by thoughts and opinions of the prior experience.    Ron lends his body and mind! [45:00] We do it to Ron, a guided sensory awareness scan… Does being tired have a color?   β, θ, A [49:34] Neurobiologically, when one meditates, Beta brain waves go down and Theta and Alpha-1 brain waves come up!   Hey, Meat bag! [51:25] The very basic realization of what your body is and how it operates at a biological level — a sac of cells, germs, and fluids trying to make it through existence — with all of its inherent flaws, small evils, and kindnesses, inevitably gives rise to compassion and empathy. As well as enabling the possibility of shared beliefs, and shrinking the divide between ‘us’ and ‘them.’   Let’s crush this meditation, bro! [53:30] Some ‘Type A’ personalities will think there is a right and a wrong way to meditate and will attack it with fervor instead of building the right meditation muscle of gently catching yourself thinking and coming back to what you were directing your attention to, training your focus.   Steve’s organic debts [57:33] Going down the path of being in your body more comes with a certain amount of reckoning… the natural cost of having been absent and paid little to no attention to your body: untreated injuries, general neglect, what you’ve been eating.   Not actually peeing yourself [1:00:10] Steve has been working on his empathy: ever tried to imagine what it’s like to be a dog and to get so excited about something that you lose bodily function? Steve has, and now Ron does too…   The inevitable ceiling of guided meditation [1:01:52] Guided meditation apps are a good starting point and it’s an easy way in, but there is no struggle or any way to push yourself further, so they all lead to a plateau.   Sitting and struggling with your own mind is a real challenge.   Steve and Ron try to stop the bell [1:03:23] Tony won’t share the answer.   Hard work is not appealing but achievement is [1:06:55] Part of the solution to our current societal problems may be to inject new ways for individuals to be empowered and have agency over the experience they’re having with technology. Ron, Steve, and Tony noodle around the idea of building a kind of Peloton for meditation.   Farming empathy [1:13:44] All of this points in the direction of building technology that fosters actual human connection and reciprocity. Ron shares his experience watching Twitch streams with his daughter and Steve talks about Mukbangs, as a way to connect and build empathy.   Thanks for tuning in.   More about your hosts Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/tonywongdigitalonion Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   Co-host Ron Williams on LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/ronwilliams   More about our guest Steve Mescon on LinkedIn Steve Mescon on Twitter

The first step to tackling a systemic problem is to become aware of its mechanisms of action as well as its influence on you. Today’s episode is a discussion with Ron Williams on the nature of the rigged system we’re living in.   We touch on how the system traces its modern roots to tech, the way it operates to generate wealth for an increasing few, its inherently discriminatory nature as well as some ways forward.   Dive into Part 1 of this series that will explore the rare opportunity we currently face to redesign our society to work for everyone, revolutionizing the world as we build it.   Key Takeaways   [:16] Tony welcomes listeners and explains today’s episode in the context of the broader multi-part episode series in the works.   Where my dollars at? [2:31] The Silent Generation, Boomers, and Gen Xers hold the bulk of wealth by way of a lifetime of work, and Millennials who are now pushing 40, hold the reins of some of the largest tech companies.   Because of tech and social media, it’s the first time in history that all these generations have a forum to clash, to be aware of, and outraged at each other.   The people and entities who created and leverage these tools have become very powerful and currently continue to operate in a way that secures their profit and survival at the detriment of everything and everyone else. They are often referred to as the 1 and 99%.   Side note: It’s not even the 1 and the 99%, it’s the 99.9996 vs the 0.0004. When people think of success, the image they’ve been fed is not the millionaire, not even the multi-millionaire, it’s the billionaire. But they’ll statistically never get it.   How do they make money? From conquer to plunder [9:46] To make money, these large corporations require us to remain engaged. Tony touches on the nature of social media algorithms and how they are designed to generate polarized emotional reactions and pull us ever further into the infinite scroll…   Ron, having sat on many, can attest that in those large corporate boards they actually are aware that fear and outrage generate more engagement than kittens. Their decision-making process includes these facts when they refine the algorithms to generate more engagement. They are complicit in fostering divisiveness to generate outrage and further engagement to garner more profit.   It’s what you like [17:12] Ads don’t care about what you don’t like. At the exception of Reddit, social media platforms only ever allow you to amplify, effectively removing the ability to reduce the signal on something and identify bad content.    The ante to tech is has become exorbitant The VC discrimination problem [21:00] Tech and venture capital supported tech are a high-risk high reward business; the whole system starts with investors betting that some of their investments will generate returns and that some may yet generate super-returns: unicorns.   Discrimination starts earlier however: if your idea doesn’t have the billion-dollar potential right out of the gate, you will get no funding.   A lifestyle business is called that because it isn’t deemed successful enough for you to have sacrificed your life at its altar. What does it say of our world when a 100 million dollars/year company is considered no more than a lifestyle — a kind of humanitarian pursuit?   Power is hard to resist The power discrimination problem [27:03] All this concentrated money also enables people to gravitate ever closer to political power. Facebook got Trump elected and Twitter empowered him massively by ignoring their own TOS which they ruthlessly applied to everyone else.   Twitter recently decided to hold POTUS to its general standard. So now Jack’s got this monster on his hands who could put Jack in jail or shut down Twitter, not for some legal issues about tweet management, but for one of the countless other crimes large companies commit and friendly politics ignore.   But Jack has some leverage, and the ability to push back because he’s a billionaire and gets to be in the room arguing with top decision-makers. Who wouldn’t want this?!   And who, short of billionaires, has this kind of access to the government as well as their crimes — large and small — ignored for the sake of profit?   How did we get here? Competition without balance [30:30] Ron shares some of the unhealthy competitive environments he’s seen permeating the tech industry over the years.   Every company has its own internal competitive culture, from gym over-enthusiasts to day trading to survivalism, and all of them promote this internal competition at the detriment of the rest of human life.   4 or 5 times a week is not enough; train for 3-4 hours a day … and If you can’t do this, you’re obviously not fit enough or tough enough for this kind of business, bro.   Even communication has become competitive circa 2009 when Facebook introduced the like.   Maybe shower and eat, maybe [34:31] Tony breaks down the 168-hour workweek. Guess what?   Quick recap! The culture of competitiveness in tech created a competitive communication tool (social media likes) that monetizes engagement — primarily through emotional divisiveness — creating more wealth for the people who designed and created it. The money is then funneled back to VC to find the next crop.   Beware fictitious shields Freedom of speech [42:12] The platform, in order to fulfill its mission and generate revenue, needs you to engage and as such will prompt an emotional response from the viewer in order to get them to engage, shaping the discourse and amplifying whatever message keeps engaging you.   This, in effect, is not freedom of speech, it is complete emotional manipulation.   The way forward Change the culture [44:15] The Arab Spring was a precursor, and access to technology played a huge role in enabling it, and although social media played a role, it was never its intent, it was only a side effect.   The leaders in the seed stage startups are not leading the conversation towards how to make the world better, the only current objective is how to make more money than Facebook.   Focus on industry-specific changes [47:46] Markovitz and Hanauer have advised policy change, and this is the right goal.   We challenge the scope: a change in tech and venture capital models and culture would generate more change than a sweeping national reform. Ron speaks to the changes that might apply to VC’s specifically.   Next episode [54:10] Hacking the elite: meditation has a really strong foothold in tech, but the interesting part is the more the meditate the more they will enter in direct conflict with their one-sided perspective. Can meditation help balance the one-sided all-profit, optimized mindset? Steve Mescon comes back to the discussion.   Thanks for tuning in.   More about your hosts Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/tonywongdigitalonion Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   Co-host Ron Williams on LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/ronwilliams

Stephen Marcus from Riot VC is the founder of six hardware + software companies and an investor in dozens of others. He manages a pre-seed and seed portfolio of companies that have a combined enterprise value of $15 billion and generated revenue of more than $600 million in 2018.   He joins Tony and Ron to share his insight on how startups are dealing with the COVID-19 crisis and what issues they face. How do you onboard strangers? What about managing a workforce reduction? What do you do with employee stress remotely?   Tune in for an in-depth chat about the realities of adopting a remote workforce as well as the implications of an off-site future in terms of building company culture as well as mental and emotional health.   Key Takeaways   [1:35] Tony welcomes listeners and introduces today’s guest. Stephen Marcus has been an entrepreneur for 20 years and a VC investor for a few years now. Having gone through three crises (2001 bubble burst, 2008 recession, and now this), both as an investor and business operator, gives him an interesting perspective on what the future may hold from an investment standpoint.   Nuclear winter incubator [7:20] In March of this year, investors pulled back, however, venture capital invests for longer periods; history, and experience, have shown Stephen that the best time to invest for the long term is during nuclear winter.   Stephen shares some practical advice in the face of this pandemic lockdown: Triage your portfolio and see who has enough cash to make it through the turbulence.   This kind of setting is particular in terms of business; it gives people time to work on new products and reduces team size, talent is abundant, and costs of business go down.   Liability [12:50] Requesting that employees come back to the office may in and of itself be a liability when there is a risk for them to contract a virus. So it is likely that they will choose remote work long term but if you’re not used to it, it’s hard. How do you set up your environment to be effective?   Developing remote muscles [14:27] Nothing beats the high bandwidth of face-to-face interaction. When it comes to building culture, Stephen has found that you have to have opportunities to socialize in different settings; find a way to let down your hair.   Onboarding virtuals [20:55] How do you hire people you’ve never met in person? How do you onboard them and efficiently blend into the team? Those are some of the issues raised by Stephen’s portfolio.   Band-aids [22:06] How do you manage employee stress and the bad news cycle that comes with reducing your workforce? Companies have had to take stock and, in certain cases, cull. Stephen speaks to what he’s seen in his portfolio when it comes to reducing workforce.   He offers that the answer to a lot of the issues is communication, keeping people abreast of the why — Tony proposes an interesting caveat.   Dropping shoes and sleepless nights [26:46] Ron talks about his own startup and what decisions he has had to take in this highly unpredictable situation. He touches on his worry of the austerity trigger being pulled, effectively tipping us into a Great-Depression-level event.   The professional/personal meld [31:30] Startups are a unique beast that requires you to be on all the time; if you sprinkle in family life and the grind of remote work, you end up with a steep mental and emotional tax. Ron offers that creating white space for yourself — and your employees — may be a good practice to implement.   Steve points out that it’s one thing to be efficient but we have to take time to shoot the proverbial sh*t.   The big Kahuna [37:50] Working from home is a hot topic right now, and there are no definitive answers; we’re all flying almost blind.   Welcome to the expensive zoo [38:05] Although some states are opening schools, Ron believes that no rational parent who can avoid it will be sending their kids back. Schools serve a daycare function that not everyone can afford to mitigate and this will, without a doubt, raise economic divide issues.   Competition and herd discrimination [42:30] Stephen proposes that this situation is accelerating a trend to move away from expensive cities, as well as an exodus towards states quicker to open and provide a nurturing context for business. Not only this, but he also sees it as an opportunity for the twenty-somethings — with their invincibility — to fuel this growth.   Ron offers that this may give rise to a new form of discrimination, from testing before re-entering office life, to ageism.   A pressure cooker inside a pressure cooker [45:25] Startups were high-pressure disruption, leading change, and fast lifestyles before coronavirus. With the remote grind being the new prolonged norm, what will this mental and emotional tax become?   Hawai’i on Silicon Valley salaries [49:50] Twitter going remote — despite Ron’s passing cynicism — means more Silicon Valley salaries with more cool places to live, at least for a while.   Remember that time Yahoo failed? The guys share a laugh at when Yahoo went remote and nothing got done!   Optimism, dry powder, and phoenixes [52:23] Where businesses die, new ones arise. Big companies will get stronger and consolidate and there will be room for innovation.   Stephen strongly believes that this is the best time, ever, to start a company. The cost of opportunity is low, all the component costs of business are low and VC is abundant. There is plenty of dry powder.   [56:05] Tony closes out the podcast on this resolutely optimistic note: it will undoubtedly be an interesting 6, 12, 18 months as we continue to grow through this.   Thanks for tuning in.   Mentioned in this episode Riot VC   More about our guest Stephen Marcus is a futurist and believes our world will continue to bind together with machines. He invests in technology companies attacking massive markets with full-stack hardware plus software solutions. He’s especially excited about building the future of transportation (air, land, and sea), global real-time data feeds, smart infrastructure and cities, fully automated manufacturing and production systems, and the connected human body.   Learn more here   More about your hosts Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/tonywongdigitalonion Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   Co-host Ron Williams on LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/ronwilliams

Today’s episode attempts to decrypt the ins and outs of good communication. Tony and Ron are joined by industry veteran Jose Caballer whose knowledge and skill in both team leadership as well as interpersonal one-on-one communication have given him a pretty good perspective on how communication tools and practices have evolved in the tech industry.   Tune in for serious insight on how Agile can streamline and improve remote team management, how to address difficult conversations, and what the future of communication looks like.   Key Takeaways   [:09] Tony introduces today’s guest, Jose Caballer, a 20-year veteran in the tech space who took a front-row seat in the .com boom. In 2012, he started The Skool, an online education startup that helped teach designers, developers, and marketers how to align their vision and goals to collaborate with less friction, and in 2017, he licensed the Skool to The Futur and left to continue his journey.   Clashing communication styles [2:52] Jose shares the story of a boss who yelled. They’re still friends today: it’s a communication thing.   Changing times [6:16] Jose explains what he does today as a software designer teacher, coach, and consultant (from UI to UX to Creative Director to strategy and facilitation) and touches on how communication has changed in the past 20 years.   The tools, practices, and methods available to analyze and enhance communication have evolved. Jose talks about the multidisciplinary nature of teams in tech, which has made them progressively more complex. As such, communication issues have evolved and we need to be careful to take all sorts of narratives into account.   From verbal to remote [11:12] Jose speaks to his own experience training a remote software team that has issues with a lack of cohesion and clarity. Weaving Agile into their process enabled proper documentation as well as a higher level of detail and fidelity, which in turn interrupted their missing deadlines and misunderstood requirements issues.   Dear leader [16:08] Ron gives an overview of the transition from Waterfall to Agile which occurred from the mid-’90s to early 2000s — he dives into culture-driven differences in leadership styles that can go as granular as city to city (San-Francisco vs. L.A. vs. NYC).   Succeeding and failing together [20:00] Communication gets easier when the scope of what is being explained is made smaller through Agile. This, in conjunction with smaller groups in a team-based setting, reduces conflict over time. Jose explains how cultural differences and the type of industry may affect how easily Agile is adopted.   You have a meeting from 9 to 5 [24:20] Plannings, done properly, and with the right facilitator can be brilliant. Ron and Tony touch on one-on-ones which are a relatively recent standard practice addition.   If there’s a downside to Agile it may be the tendency to creep towards a meetings-focused culture; Tony shares a recent conversation he had with a client on the resulting 9-to-5 meetings with a bit of work sprinkled in at the very end.   Jose gives his thoughts on what he calls meeting hell!   Online collaboration [33:04] Ron shares how business apps can actually change informative communication if the right habits are put in place and if they are adopted company-wide — we’re looking at you finance people…   Jose talks about the impact age and gender can have on how well people take to different types of synchronous and asynchronous communication tools; he shares some professional examples of this as well as how Agile helps mitigate some of these issues.   High fidelity [39:25] Ron talks about the importance of network and tool fidelity in being able to receive and read social cues, as well as his hope that emojis lose their unprofessional image since their function is to quickly and easily lend context to otherwise emotionless text.   Difficult conversations [44:20] Tony offers that the multitude of communication tools, practical as they may be, can facilitate the avoidance of difficult discussions.   Ron shares the ideas behind his belief that nothing can replace a face-to-face when it comes to difficult conversations, from clarity to liability.   Jose opens up about his own challenges with tackling difficult conversations and the feedback he gathers in order to improve. He also touches on the importance of driving communication and touching base with your people if you feel a lack of clarity.   Put your rational hat on [50:00] “At work — as hard as a conversation may seem — the stakes probably aren’t as high as you think they are.” Ron explains how he grew into the man that runs towards the difficult conversations — and is assigned more of them lately.   He also opens up about the fear still present when it comes to hard conversations in his personal life — for him, the emotional stakes are much higher and the outcome more difficult to predict.   Jose shares the tips and tricks that have helped him be braver about difficult personal conversations: “Who am I being if I don’t have this conversation?”   Tony shares his own take on hard personal conversations being less challenging for him than professional ones “It seems highly unlikely that I will *eff up 20 years of relationship with one conversation.”   The future and the speed of communication [1:00:44] The compression from complex abstract thought to language is currently only as fast as each person’s processing power and available vocabulary library, and that is currently the speed limit of communication in general.   Speaking, reading, and writing also force a speed synchronization, which the future, with its promise of unfiltered thought should seriously explode (see Neuralink).   Clear and efficient communication is difficult in its own right. It can and should be trained like any other skill and it begins with your own mind; Agile can help.   Thanks for tuning in.   Mentioned in this episode Hipchat Slack Discord Zoom Google Apps Suite   More about our guest   Twitter: Twitter.com/josecaballer Facebook: Facebook.com/josecaballer Website: Josecaballer.co/about   More about your hosts Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/tonywongdigitalonion Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw   Co-host Ron Williams on LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/ronwilliams

Today’s episode is all about being physically, mentally, and emotionally fit in tech. Steve Mescon — former gaming industry professional — now experiments with, invests in, and supports a wide range of performance-enhancing products and companies; he joins the show to talk about optimizing performance. From stem cells to psychedelics, follow us down the rabbit hole… Welcome to the Tony Wong podcast!   IMPORTANT NOTE: This interview and associated content are in no way an endorsement or recommendation that anyone should do Ketamine, Psilocybin, DMT, or any other illegal drugs — there is nothing you cannot achieve or do on your own through dedicated self-improvement, meditation, or spiritual practices.   Key Takeaways [:09] Tony introduces today’s guest, Steve Mescon, who spent over 10 years at Riot Games, most recently as the General Manager for North American publishing at Riot Games.   Being a visible person [4:57] Steve touches on why he agreed to come on the podcast and what skills he is aiming to develop on his journey to becoming a more public-facing person.   30,000 simple tricks! [7:59] Steve worked his way from 420 to 184 pounds without any medical intervention. He uses a backpack metaphor to explain how he managed this impressive feat, with all of its ups and downs and getting lost in the process.   What is the first trick then?  [12:40] Steve had help from a bit of an OCD personality, but the first trick is to never stop going for your goal. Change the path, the approach, the angle, the tools, and iterate but don’t stop.   Determination and separation [15:29] Tony speaks of his late Navy Seal mentor as well as what he learned from martial arts in terms of embracing discomfort as part and parcel of any journey that leads to growth.   Fixating is common in tech [18:00] Ron talks about his own mechanism for achieving long-term life goals — stacking and restacking dominoes — he also touches on how he deals with failures. He does caution that there is such a thing as too goal-driven!   Ron’s dogs chime in on this fixation thing [ 20:41] Woof.   Try them all [21:45] Steve, as a figure of speech, has tried ALL diets… he speaks to what works for him. Calorie counting, low carbs, Keto, Paleo, and finally Whole 30, which was his best all-around feel-good diet but was way too impractical to live in society with.   Tony’s challenge! [24:17] Peptides, stem cell therapy, Infrared lasers, or 48- or 72-hour fast, the guys will choose one at the end of the episode!   Infrared or roasting? [25:14] At Ron’s behest, Steve explains what infrared and near-infrared devices are and are purported to do, as well as how their use has personally impacted his life. Tony jumps in with his own experience with autoimmune responses to food and how the use of an infrared sauna has helped him tackle this issue.   (bis) IMPORTANT NOTE: This interview and associated content are in no way an endorsement or recommendation that anyone should do Ketamine, Psilocybin, DMT, or any other illegal drugs — there is nothing you cannot achieve or do on your own through dedicated self-improvement, meditation, or spiritual practices.   Micro... and other dosings [33:40] Steve talks about how the controlled and less controlled use of psychedelics has helped him broaden his range of personal and social understanding and goals, being more present, having more empathy, opening his mind, etc. — plus, you know, fun! He also speaks to the future of psychedelic use being freer and safer as science works to bridge the knowledge gap previously created by restriction and fear.   Ron was raised to think psychedelics are super scary; he shares the story of when his daughter broke her arm in Hawai’i and how her long-seated depression was staved off when they used Ketamine to set her arm.   Ayahuasca [43:17] Steve shares a brief summary of his first terrifying, explosive, fast-paced journey with a DMT (N,N-Dimethyltryptamine) breakthrough and the rebuilding the index of self that followed.   Stem cell therapy [49:45] Steve shares his love story with stem cell therapy and the varied experiences he’s had with them — so far he’s had injections in his wrist, his back, his knee, as well as an infusion of exosomes. The sources for the stem cells have varied from his own fat tissue to exosomes from embryonic tissue.   Ron and Steve talk about the regulatory process that seems to lag behind the research — maybe even too far behind at this point — into biohacking and transhumanism as well as how this research and access can progress within the existing political, ethical and moral parameters.   Wrap up and challenges! [1:01:36] The discussion turns towards fecal matter transplant and the opportunity for a startup!   Tony’s challenge: peptides (BPC-157).   Steve’s challenge: 48-hour fast, maybe with a few expletives.   Ron’s challenge: peptides.   Thanks for tuning in.   Mentioned in this episode Riot Games Cyton Labs Michael Pollan Ketamine Psilocybin DMT Exosome Unnatural selection CRISPR BPC-157   Books The Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals, by Michael Pollan How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us about Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence, by Michael Pollan   More about our guest Steve Mescon on LinkedIn Steve Mescon on Twitter   More about your hosts Podcast: tonywongpodcast.com Agile Coaching: Agiletony.com Executive Coaching: Agiletony.com/mental-and-emotional-agility Twitter: Twitter.com/agile_tony LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/tonywongdigitalonion Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCJyT0C_nrzAZ9GhmOXaSRRw Co-host Ron Williams on LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/ronwilliams

Startups are a strange beast and the people that navigate them lead interesting professional lives and tackle unique challenges, to say the least. Join us for deep dives into what goes on in the heads and hearts of people starting tech businesses, hoping for the unicorn.   Joining us in our inaugural dive into everything startups is Ron Williams, VPO at Subspace.   Welcome to the Tony Wong podcast!   Key Takeaways [7:05] Ron went from teaching himself to program at 12 years old in the ’80s, to combat planning software in the air force. He was part of the birth of the Internet with SunMicrosystems and eventually shifted into security and worked at three unicorns in the last ten years.   [16:30] Building a startup is much like a normal job except that what you would do in four years, you do in one… And this may explain the high error rate as well as the challenges of keeping your life together. Ron touches on his own bearded look.   Knowledge and fear [18:25] Ron — having been in the security space for so long — has informative tendrils in different governmental and police networks; he shares his take on the current coronavirus outbreak. He also touches on how his business is being impacted on a broader scale.   Information and fear [21:36] Is there greater fear in less informed populations? Understanding risk and probability is an intellectual pursuit of Ron’s, and he shares an analogy he learned long ago when it comes to living in close proximity to potential danger.   Tony and Ron discuss the surge in panic from people who hadn’t been paying close attention to the progression of this virus and the ensuing flocking to stores.   Rationality and fear [28:00] Rational thought can only occur after emotions and fears have been managed. Tony shares examples of how his own coaching practice handles fear.   Ron talks about how working in tech startups provides an edge for governing fear and stress since the field is at the cutting edge, constantly dealing with the unknown and potential failure.   Innate or adaptive [31:33] Coping with the additional stresses of leadership does require a certain kind of person. Ron offers who might thrive in startups and who might burn out of them as well as what it means to have your ass on fire — to viscerally feel the risk that you’re in: “Holy sh*t, the tiger is right there!”   Finding clarity [37:20] From living life 24 hours at a time to begin to build for the longer term and to start writing a life story as opposed to an overwhelmingly fast blur of rinse and repeat cycles: Ron shares how he met Tony and what that relationship brought him in terms of clarity.   How did Tony land at Riot? It’s also the story of why he’s “Agile Tony” and how he got his start coaching leaders. He shares how that experience was filled with both failures and continued success and turned into what he still loves doing today.   The elephant in the room [47:24] Ron and Tony speak to what happens when a company culture is not deliberate, planned out and positively impacting the business outcome. They also touch on the different reactions people have to risk and the way they choose to address or ignore problem situations.   Loss and fear [54:36] Ron’s definition of fear has grown and changed with experience; it’s always associated with loss of some kind but as a leader, his tolerance for risk had increased. Tony offers that taking stock of emotions surrounding a situation can help ground you in the present and give you some perspective — and learning this skill as early as possible would benefit anyone!   Danger awareness [1:00:22] Tony talks about the difference between fear and danger awareness in terms of being able to assess risk and move forward or backing away from a situation.   Processing time [1:02:18] Ron discusses risk assessment burden with an internet latency analogy as well as interesting scientific studies involving the optic nerve and visual processing times of 9-year-olds vs. professional baseball players!   Tony and Ron discuss the acquired and innate aspects of decision making — or learning wisdom — especially in the fight-or-flight world of startups.   Controlling fear [1:10:25] Fear, as we use the term, is an abstraction — we gave danger awareness a name — but when the fight or flight response does occur it should be taken as an opportune moment to stop and assess the situation. Tony speaks to the importance of learning to control fear in order to access this clear decision-making space.   Startup dojo [1:14:36] Martial arts training offers opportunities to train the right decision-making paths in the face of certain situations, Ron ponders where the startup dojo might be that people could train appropriate reactions and be better equipped going in — agile EQ may be the start of an answer.   [1:20:53] Tony wraps up today’s episode and prepares his homework for the next show!   Thanks for tuning in.   Mentioned in this episode Silicon Valley Mythic Quest   Books: Against the Gods: The Remarkable Story of Risk, by Peter L. Bernstein Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb   More about our guest Ron Williams on LinkedIn Subspace   More about your host Tony Wong at Digital Onion Tony Wong on LinkedIn Tony Wong @Agile_Tony on Twitter Tony Wong at Applied Agile Digital Onion | LinkedIn