Podcast appearances and mentions of George E Vaillant

The series explores the book SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION by Dr. George E. Vaillant. The author was a psychiatrist at Harvard and served as a non-alcoholic Trustee for Alcoholics Anonymous. Spirituality can be a hard concept to grasp, and his book helps make it understandable. He defines spirituality as the realization of positive emotions such as love, hope, faith, joy, forgiveness, and compassion – along with awe and mystical illumination. The author argues our brains are hard wired for these and through the 12 Step journey, we're evolving – “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly” towards realizing them in our lives This episode concludes the series focusing on how AA brings about spiritual transformation. It concentrates on the difference between religion and spirituality and how AA tries to protect itself from becoming a cult. Show Notes: ⁠Spiritual Evolution: A Scientific Defense of Faith by George Vaillant⁠  ⁠HARVARD STUDY HIGHLIGHTS⁠: ⁠https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Study --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fatherbillw/support

The series explores the book SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION by Dr. George E. Vaillant. The author was a psychiatrist at Harvard and served as a non-alcoholic Trustee for Alcoholics Anonymous. Spirituality can be a hard concept to grasp, and his book helps make it understandable. He defines spirituality as the realization of positive emotions such as love, hope, faith, joy, forgiveness, and compassion – along with awe and mystical illumination. The author argues our brains are hard wired for these and through the 12 Step journey, we're evolving – “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly” towards realizing them in our lives This episode focuses on Awe and Mystical Illumination –the goal of the 12-Step Journey. Show Notes: Spiritual Evolution: A Scientific Defense of Faith by George Vaillant We Agnostics: How William James, Father of American Psychology, Advanced A Spiritual Solution to Addiction: How a Venerated Harvard Doctor Inspired the 12 Step Movement Paperback – Mr Paul L Schulte Father Bill W. podcast w guest Paul Schulte AA & William James Quantum Change: When Epiphanies and Sudden Insights Transform Ordinary Lives 1st Editionby William R. Miller Father Bill W. podcast w guest William Miller --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fatherbillw/support

The series explores the book SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION by Dr. George E. Vaillant. The author was a psychiatrist at Harvard and served as a non-alcoholic Trustee for Alcoholics Anonymous. Spirituality can be a hard concept to grasp, and his book helps make it understandable. He defines spirituality as the realization of positive emotions such as love, hope, faith, joy, forgiveness, and compassion – along with awe and mystical illumination. The author argues our brains are hard wired for these and through the 12 Step journey, we're evolving – “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly” towards realizing them in our lives This episode focuses on COMPASSION and the role it plays in the spiritual life of a recovering addict. Show Notes: Spiritual Evolution: A Scientific Defense of Faith by George Vaillant --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fatherbillw/support

The series explores the book SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION by Dr. George E. Vaillant. The author was a psychiatrist at Harvard and served as a non-alcoholic Trustee for Alcoholics Anonymous. Spirituality can be a hard concept to grasp, and his book helps make it understandable. He defines spirituality as the realization of positive emotions such as love, hope, faith, joy, forgiveness, and compassion – along with awe and mystical illumination. The author argues our brains are hard wired for these and through the 12 Step journey, we're evolving – “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly” towards realizing them in our lives This episode focuses on FORGIVENESS and the role it plays in the spiritual life of a recovering addict. Show Notes: Spiritual Evolution: A Scientific Defense of Faith by George Vaillant If this information has been helpful to you, Like, Subscribe, and consider making a donation to help spread the good news. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fatherbillw/support

The series explores the book SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION by Dr. George E. Vaillant. The author was a psychiatrist at Harvard and served as a non-alcoholic Trustee for Alcoholics Anonymous. Spirituality can be a hard concept to grasp, and his book helps make it understandable. He defines spirituality as the realization of positive emotions such as love, hope, faith, joy, forgiveness, and compassion – along with awe and mystical illumination. The author argues our brains are hard wired for these and through the 12 Step journey, we're evolving – “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly” towards realizing them in our lives This episode focuses on the quality of JOY in the spiritual life of a recovering addict. If you want to locate and feel JOY in your soul, be sure to watch and listen to the 5-minute YouTube video “Ode to Joy” linked below. “If you can spot it, you got it!” Show Notes: Spiritual Evolution: A Scientific Defense of Faith by George Vaillant Video: Ode to Joy on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbJcQYVtZMo --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fatherbillw/support

The series explores the book SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION by Dr. George E. Vaillant. The author was a psychiatrist at Harvard and served as a non-alcoholic Trustee for Alcoholics Anonymous. Spirituality can be a hard concept to grasp, and his book helps make it understandable. He defines spirituality as the realization of positive emotions such as love, hope, faith, joy, forgiveness, and compassion – along with awe and mystical illumination. The author argues our brains are hard wired for these and through the 12 Step journey, we're evolving – “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly” towards realizing them in our lives This episode focuses on the importance of HOPE in the spiritual life of a recovering addict. Show Notes: SpiritualEvolution: A Scientific Defense of Faith by George Vaillant Harvard Study Hightlights: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Study Anthem by Leonard Cohen: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=anthem+leonard+cohen --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fatherbillw/support

The series explores the book SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION by Dr. George E. Vaillant. The author was a psychiatrist at Harvard and served as a non-alcoholic Trustee for Alcoholics Anonymous. Spirituality can be a hard concept to grasp, and his book helps make it understandable. He defines spirituality as the realization of positive emotions such as love, hope, faith, joy, forgiveness, and compassion – along with awe and mystical illumination. The author argues our brains are hard wired for these and through the 12 Step journey, we're evolving – “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly” towards realizing them in our lives This episode focuses on the meaning and transforming power of LOVE. Show Notes: Spiritual Evolution: A Scientific Defense of Faith by George Vaillant Used Copy Available HARVARD STUDY HIGHLIGHTS: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Study References to LOVE in Key AA Literature (Courtesy 164andMore.com):https://www.164andmore.com/words/love.htm Paul's Letter to the Corinthians For more on this topic, check out the Father Bill W. podcast series Inner Gold https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fatherbillw/episodes/Inner-Gold-God-Is-Out-of-the-Box-e1h26f3 --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fatherbillw/support

The series explores the book SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION written by Dr. George E. Vaillant. The author was a research psychiatrist at Harvard and served as a non-alcoholic Trustee for Alcoholics Anonymous. Spirituality is often a hard concept to grasp and his book helps make it understandable. He defines spirituality as the realization of positive emotions such as love, hope, faith, joy, forgiveness, and compassion – along with awe and mystical illumination. The author argues our brains are hard wired for these and through the 12 Step journey. We're evolving – “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly” towards realizing them in ourselves. This episode focuses on the important difference between faith and belief.  Show Notes: Spiritual Evolution: A Scientific Defense of Faith by George Vaillant HARVARD STUDY HIGHLIGHTS: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Study  References to “Faith” in Key AA Literature: https://www.164andmore.com/words/faith.htm  Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=%27man%27s+search+for+meaning%27&i=stripbooks&hvadid=580696318078&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9028223&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=1501299473015564863 --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fatherbillw/support

The series explores the book SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION written by Dr. George E. Vaillant. The author was a research psychiatrist at Harvard and served as a non-alcoholic Trustee for Alcoholics Anonymous. Spirituality is a hard concept to grasp, and his book helps make it more understandable. He defines spirituality as the realization of positive emotions such as love, hope, faith, joy, forgiveness, and compassion – along with awe and mystical illumination. The author argues we are evolving physically, culturally, and individually. This episode is focused on the geography of the brain and how it sets the stage for the spiritual journey. Show Notes: Spiritual Evolution: A Scientific Defense of Faith by George E, Valliant Harvard Study Highlights https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Study Bill Wilson article Emotion Sobriety “The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety” by Bill Wilson (aainthedesert.org) --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fatherbillw/support

This series explores the book SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION written by Dr. George E. Vaillant. The author was a research psychiatrist at Harvard and served as a non-alcoholic Trustee for Alcoholics Anonymous. Spirituality is a hard concept to grasp and his book helps make it more understandable. He defines spirituality as the realization of positive emotions such as love, hope, faith, joy, forgiveness, and compassion – along with awe and mystical illumination. The author argues our brains are hard wired for these and through the 12 Step journey, we're evolving – “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly” to realizing them in ourselves. This should be a powerful series you won't want to miss. Show Notes: Spiritual Evolution: A Scientific Defense of Faith by George Vaillant HARVARD STUDY HIGHLIGHTS: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Study --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fatherbillw/support

================================================== ==SUSCRIBETEhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNpffyr-7_zP1x1lS89ByaQ?sub_confirmation=1================================================== == DEVOCIÓN MATUTINA PARA ADULTOS 2022“NUESTRO MARAVILLOSO DIOS”Narrado por: Roberto NavarroDesde: Chiapas, MéxicoUna cortesía de DR'Ministries y Canaan Seventh-Day Adventist Church 01 DE JULIO«CULTIVAR EL JARDÍN»«El corazón alegre es una buena medicina, pero el espíritu triste seca los huesos». Proverbios 17:22«LA VEJEZ NO ES PARA LA GENTE sin sentido del humor», escribe Don Bastian. Por eso, dice él, se ha dado a la tarea de coleccionar relatos graciosos sobre la vejez. Uno de sus favoritos, cuenta Bastian, es el de una pareja de ancianos que se dirige a una reunión social. Como los dos tienen mala memoria, ella le dice a él: «Querido, trata de recordar hacia dónde vamos, y yo trataré de recordar quiénes somos». *Las investigaciones científicas parecen dar la razón a Don Bastian. Una de ellas es «El Estudio del Desarrollo del Adulto de Harvard». En esta investigación los participantes fueron seleccionados cuando todavía eran adolescentes y durante toda su vida adulta fueron objeto de estudio en distintas áreas de su desarrollo físico y emocional. ¿Qué encontraron los investigadores en relación al «arte de envejecer bien»?George E. Vaillant, uno de los principales investigadores del proyecto, señala que «la persona que “envejece con gracia” mantiene su sentido del humor y la capacidad para jugar. voluntariamente sacrificar la felicidad superficial por el gozo verdadero». ** Y, parafraseando palabras de Voltaire, añade que quienes saben envejecer «no olvidan cultivar su jardín». (Otros factores importantes que destaca el informe son el servicio al prójimo, la gratitud, el cultivo de la esperanza, los buenos recuerdos y la habilidad para mantener el contacto con los buenos amigos.)¿Cuán a menudo estás «cultivando tu jardín»? Es decir, ¿con frecuencia ves el lado bueno de la vida, disfrutas de una sana reunión familiar, o te ríes de un buen chiste? En lo que a mí respeta, estoy tratando de «cultivar mi jardín» haciendo las cosas que Vaillant menciona en su informe ---citadas arriba—; sin olvidar reírme aun de mí mismo.Cuando cumplí sesenta años-para citar solo un ejemplo, me encontré de visita en Caracas, mi ciudad natal; específicamente en casa de mi hermano mayor. En un momento dado, mi cuñada me dijo en son de broma: «Lo malo de cumplir sesenta años es que te estás poniendo viejo; lo bueno es que, ahora que eres de la tercera edad, ¡ya no tendrás que pagar en el Metro!». (Se refería al servicio de ferrocarril subterráneo que atraviesa parte de la ciudad.) Al momento no me pareció gracioso, pero ahora me río de sus ocurrencias.Hoy es un buen día para «cultivar el jardín»: para celebrar las cosas buenas de la vida al lado de nuestros seres queridos, para dar una mano al necesitado, para ser agradecido; y también, por supuesto, para jugar y reír. A fin de cuentas, ¿no dice la Escritura que «el corazón alegre es una buena medicina»?Haz de mí, Señor, una persona servicial y agradecida, alegre y optimista.Que el gozo de tu salvacion siempre mas en mi corazon.*Don Bastian, «The Joy of Aging», en Christianity Today, enero de 2006, p. 53. **George E. Vaillant, Aging Well, Little, Brown and Company, 2002, pág. 311.

George E. Vaillant is a Psychiatrist who wrote the book Adaptation to life. In his book he poses fundamental questions about the individual differences in reacting to problems. Why do some of us cope so well with the portion life offers us, while others, who have had similar advantages (or disadvantages), cope badly or not at all? Other questions he have discuss in his book was, Why do some of us achieve happiness in our personal and professional life, while others are increasingly doomed to be miserable themselves and to make others miserable as well? He discusses these and other questions in terms of a clearly defined scheme of "adaptive mechanisms" that are rated mature, neurotic, immature, or psychotic, and illustrates, with case histories, each method of coping. This is new series we would discuss this findings and how we can benefit and learn now to adapt to life stresses Email:- selfhelpmasteryproject@gmail.com Website: www.selfhelpmasteryproject.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/selfhelpmasteryproject/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/selfhelpmasteryproject/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJj2yOAt1NHInOE8JKwKMXA/featured?view_as=subscriber --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/self-help-mastery-project/message

This week’s guest is a mentor and dear friend of Kyle’s, as well as a decorated officer with a distinguished career of military service. Rob Newson has spent over 30 years as a SEAL and top DoD senior executive, serving under multiple presidents and bringing together cross-functional teams. This year, Rob decided to take his passion for culture to the NBA as the Vice President of Strategy and Vision for the 76ers.Mentioned ResourcesBooksMan’s Search for Meaning by Viktor FranklThe Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan HolidayAging Well by George E. Vaillant, M.D. Various Works by Brené Brown OrganizationsThe Honor Foundation

Paul Schwarzenholz (36) ist Mitgründer von zenloop, der auf dem Net Promoter System (NPS) basierenden SaaS-Plattform für das Management von Kundenfeedback. Zuvor gründete er bereits Flaconi, Deutschlands führende Online-Parfümerie, die er 2015 erfolgreich an ProSiebenSat.1 verkaufte. Mit zenloop möchte er nun das Flaconi Erfolgsrezept mit anderen Unternehmen teilen: Mit der von ihm und seinen Mitgründern entwickelten Customer Experience Management Software rund um NPS ging er 2016 an den Start. Seitdem konnten er und seine aktuell 21 Kollegen bereits namhafte Unternehmen wie About You, Outfittery oder A.T.U. von der eigenen Lösung begeistern. Schwarzenholz ist zudem aktiver Berater und Angel-Investor in über 20 europäische Start-ups. Er schreibt und referiert regelmäßig über Customer Experience, Entrepreneurship und Start-up Themen. Dein größter Fehler als Unternehmer?  Die zwei größten Fehler: 1) Zu lange zu viele Direct Reports geführt. Es ist wichtig, die Anzahl der direkt zu führenden Mitarbeiter auf maximal 6 zu begrenzen. Damit schafft man sich selbst ausreichend Freiraum, anderen Themen wie Strategie oder Kulturentwicklung voranzutreiben. Und man kann nur so seine Directs ausreichend coachen und weiterentwickeln. Die meisten Gründer haben eine Tendenz, viele Themen zu lange selbst zu machen und zu wenig Entscheidungsfreiheit einzuräumen. Den Fehler habe ich auch gemacht. 2) Hire people smarter than you. Wir hatten zu lange juniore Mitarbeiter eingestellt, die unerfahren waren und die wir selbst ausgebildet haben. Das ist am Anfang ok, vor allen Dingen wenn man wenig Geld hat. Irgendwann sollte man jedoch Experten einstellen, die ihre Bereiche besser kennen als man selbst das tut. Erst dann funktionieren diese Bereiche wirklich gut und selbstständig. Deine Lieblings-Internet-Ressource?  Calendly - nimmt das komplette Termin Management ab Spectacle - kleines Tool, aber nutze ich hunderte mal am Tag, wenn ich Fenster verschieben will   Buchtitel 1:  Triumphs of Experience; George E. Vaillant - gibt eine fantastischen Einblick in die verschiedenen Lebensphase und was im Leben zählt. Das Buch, was mich am stärksten beeinflusst hat.   Buchtitel 2:  The Ultimate Question 2.0: How Net Promoter Companies Thrive in a Customer-Driven World; Fred Reichheld - Absoluter Haupttreiber für den Erfolg unseres ersten Unternehmens Flaconi & Bibel für Nr.2 zenloop   Kontaktdaten des Interviewpartners:  Paul Schwarzenholz paul@zenloop.com +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Mehr Freiheit, mehr Geld und mehr Spaß mit DEINEM eigenen Podcast. Erfahre jetzt, warum es auch für Dich Sinn macht, Deinen eigenen Podcast zu starten. Jetzt hier zum kostenlosen Podcast-Workshop anmelden: http://Podcastkurs.com +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++     Erfolg kann man lernen. Jeder. Im Erfolgspodcast TomsTalkTime von Tom Kaules lernst Du in inspirierenden Interviews und einzelnen Storys die Strategien von erfolgreichen Unternehmern und Prominenten. Du lernst in Experten-Interviews wie erfolgreiche Menschen erfolgreich geworden sind und warum sie erfolgreich bleiben. Wie sie den richtigem Umgang mit Erfolg und auch den Umgang mit Niederlagen gelernt haben. Das richtige Mindset ist wichtig, um richtig viel Geld zu verdienen, glückliche Beziehungen führen, mit sich selbst im Einklang zu sein und dadurch Beruf und Familie bestens miteinander vereinbaren zu können. Einschalten. Zuhören. Sich motivieren und Inspirieren. Lernen. Tun. Erfolg haben.

Friendship is 100% voluntary - that's what makes it so wonderful! - and also the thing that pushes it lower on the priority list, when life gets busy. It seems like friendship should be easy at this point - but that's not always the case. Listen in to today as I share 3 essential qualities you can cultivate to maintain and deepen your adult friendships.     The biggest takeaways from this episode: How friendship is important for your health. Why friendship gets more difficult as we get older. The qualities adult friendships must have to keep growing. Why your friendships deserve your attention, even when you're busy.   Hey there, Thanks for being here today! Welcome to the Style With Intention podcast. Today, we’re going to dive into adult friendships. This is a topic that I've thought and read a lot about - and struggled with too. "Friendship" is one of those things that we assume should be easy at this point in our lives, but it doesn't always feel that way. Adult friendships can feel vulnerable and tricky to navigate - but there's scientific evidence that friendship is really important to your physical and mental well-being - so it's worth it!. In this episode, I'm sharing 3 important qualities you can cultivate to to maintain and deepen your adult friendships. I recorded this episode a couple of weeks ago - but, this week, I had some real life lessons in the value of adult friendships. This last week was a doozy for me. Some unexpected changes in my relationship with the beau really threw me for a loop - and when I reached out to friends, they were there for me. I've had to rely on friends more than usual during this time and I can't imagine going through this without them.  It's never too late to make new friends and develop close friendships! Listen in today as I share how the 3 qualities of friendship play out in adult friendships. I've seen how it works in my own life and an excited to share my insights with you. As always, my goal is to make it quicker and easier for you to access more ease, joy, and intention in your life...because happy looks really, really good! Enjoy the show!         If you’re new to podcasts, check out our “Listening To Podcasts Cheat Sheet” for everything you need to know about downloading and listening to podcasts from your iPhone.   CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE   If you’d rather read, than listen, here’s the FULL TRANSCRIPT OF EPISODE #17 DEVELOP DEEPER ADULT FRIENDSHIPS WITH THESE 3 QUALITIES   Welcome to the Style With Intention podcast, where we talk about how to use your personal style choices as a tool to create a life you love. We believe choice is empowering, complacency is boring, and happy looks really, really good! I’m your host, Annie Kip, and I’m so glad you’re here today! Today we’re talking about adult friendships.   Did you know there is a single question which can predict whether you will be alive and happy at age 80?   Ask yourself, “Is there someone in your life whom you would feel comfortable phoning at 4 in the morning to tell your troubles to?”   If you answered “yes” you’ve got a really good shot at being not just alive, but also happy, into your 80’s. If you’re answer is”no” your chances are much, much lower for being happy and alive into your 80’s. But it’s never too late to change that.   This info is from the Grant study that started in 1938 and followed the physical and emotional health of 200 men, who are now well into their 90’s. When the man who led the study for many years, George Vaillant, was asked what he’d learned from the study, his response was simply “That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.”   That’s pretty powerful. We all enjoy having friends, but I doubt we are all aware of how having friends is actually vital to our health and well-being.   Some of you may know that I’ve moved 8 times in my adult life. Each place I’ve moved, I had to establish new friendships. I didn’t really anticipate that I would be moving so many times, so I really invested myself into the friends that I made in each new place. Every single time, it was really, really hard to leave the people I had became close to and every single time, it was hard to make new friends again - but looking back, I feel like the luckiest person on earth to have ended up with really wonderful friends all over the country.   I’m one of those people who always feels super lucky just to be included. I don’t take it for granted that people want to be friends with me and I always feel like I’m not quite as good a friend to other people as they are to me. My friends tell me this isn’t true, but still, there’s a little insecure part of me that feels like I’m the lucky one to have such great friends!   I’m a bit of an introvert - I’m fine at parties and I do love socializing -- but I’m not totally comfortable reaching out. I can get lost in my work, head down, stuck in my office, day in and day out - and before I know it, weeks have gone by and I haven’t reached out to anyone. Luckily, I have old friends who know to just drop by my house - and they know I’m always happy to make coffee and chat anytime.   But to make new adult friends, I’ve really had to go outside my comfort zone.   A few years ago, I saw a woman at the gym who I knew of from around town , but her kids were older than mine, so we never matched up in school and we didn’t have the same circle of friends. I don’t know what possessed me one day, but I walked up to her and introduced myself - and told her I’d always admired her, was interested in her work as a coach, and wondered if she wanted to have coffee someday.   To make a long story short - we made plans and I accidentally stood her up, which was a terrible way to start a friendship. Luckily, she gave me another chance and we finally met up for coffee. We had coffee again, then walked together, talked about our work, then eventually our families and relationships, and she’s now one of my very close friends. I didn’t even realize how much we had in common and how much we would enjoy being friends. I just took a chance, put aside my worry that I would seem like a weirdo, and followed a hunch. I’m so glad I reached out to her - because otherwise, I wouldn’t have this sweet friend in my life.   Making friends is something that seems like it should come naturally - and it does sometimes - but more often it feels vulnerable and awkward and scary. I’m not totally comfortable doing it, but I think it’s worth it.   In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about the 3 characteristics that are critical for adult friendships to flourish - consistency, vulnerability, and positivity.   We’ll talk about how you can develop these characteristics and take a look at how they look in real life adult friendships. These characteristics will help you, not only maintain your old friendships, but also attract new adult friends as well.   This episode is perfect for you if you’re feeling as if you’d like to deepen the friendships that you already have or be the kind of person who attracts new friends.   The first characteristic is consistency.   Old and new friendships need some amount of consistent interaction beyond “likes’ on Facebook to maintain their closeness and grow. Either get-togethers in person or phone calls or even emails. Some degree of regular, personal interaction is critical to keeping friendships alive.   It seems to me that middle-age is the hardest time to maintain and grow friendships. Having consistency in a friendship was a lot easier when we were younger.   My social life used to sort of revolve around the sports and the activities that my kids did - I made friends with the women who were also waiting for swimming lessons and I got to know people while we watched our kids play endless games of little league. There were regularly scheduled reasons for interacting because of carpooling and school events and volunteering.   There was a built-in consistency - we were in closer, day-to-day touch with each other because our kids were friends with people that lived in our neighborhood - we could grab a quick coffee while the kids played - it didn’t have to be a big, planned event to get together and catch up a little. We had more involvement with each other in a sort of accidental way.   The same was true in college - you almost couldn’t help making friends in college because your peers were always right there. We had time to make friendships, get to know each other, and build trust.   If you’re about my age, you’re busy with kids and your own career and time for friendship might feel like a luxury - and it might be sort of lower on your priority list just because you have so many other obligations and there’s only so much time in the day.   But this is the magic of friendship - it’s based on choice. It’s a completely voluntary relationship. The fact that it isn’t obligatory is what makes it so special.   The friends who we choose to make time for on a consistent basis are the ones we become closest to. When you have a new friend, you have to follow up and make plans again to keep the friendship growing. Consistency is the key to friendships because, especially when you’re a busy adult, it has to be a mutual choice to be available for each other, to make space in our lives for each other, and to rely on each other.   Which leads me nicely into the 2nd characteristic of deep adult friendships - which is  vulnerability.   I’ve talked a lot about vulnerability on this podcast - particularly in episode #9 - and vulnerability is a critical element of adult friendships.   Again, when our kids were little, there was some built-in vulnerability, because we shared a lot of the same issues and concerns. Our marriages, money worries, how the kids were getting along in school, whether or not they made the team, and who was feeling left out. With little kids, we most often has little problems. And the stakes were lower, most of the time.   In middle-age, we’re a little older, we’ve got bigger kids, and we’ve often got bigger problems. Sometimes embarrassing problems we don’t want to tell people about. Kids get into trouble, do stupid things, they sometimes treat us - their parents - very badly. We sometime have serious relationship issues or health issues. It’s a lot more vulnerable to share our concerns and issues when they scare us or hurt us. And the issues can feel like a reflection on us too - we wonder if we messed up somewhere along the way.   When the stakes are much higher, we might be more inclined to just keep our problems to ourselves and put on a brave face. It’s just easier.   Especially if we don’t have the consistent day to day contact, no one wants to dump a bunch of bad news on their friends.   Ironically, friendships can help us get through the tough, painful times - if we’re willing to be vulnerable - but being vulnerable feels risky because it could lead to rejection and more pain - so people avoid it.   This is how we start to drift apart - we stop sharing. We don’t rely on each other. To keep that from happening - we have to make intentional effort to keep being connected. We have to allow a balance of give and take and both parties in a friendship have to be willing to take a chance, to share the tough stuff, to be real.   If only one party is willing to be vulnerable - things get out of balance. It can be very painful and make us feel like we’re the only ones floundering, if we share and the other person doesn't.   The key is that you have to let the other person “give” to you as well. You have to “take” sometimes - and that’s super vulnerable. If you’re always the one doing the giving, you might feel good about yourself, but you won’t build a great friendship.   Both parties have to be willing to be vulnerable - because you can’t have a deep friendship without that balance.   This is a time in our lives where we get to pick who we are friends with. When our time becomes scarce, and the problems and issues become bigger and more painful - we really need to be picky about who we are friends with.   The third important element of deep adult friendships is positivity.   On top of consistency and vulnerability, the thing we need most from our friends is positivity.   We want to know that, even when we do share our biggest vulnerabilities, that our friends will lift us up. A consistent and reliable friend is someone you know you can count on, when you’re not at the top of your game. As we said at the beginning of the podcast, this is the friend you can call at 4 in the morning to share your troubles.   The close friends we have had for a long time hold our history, they know our families, and they’ve been there through the disappointments, the losses and the heartaches - as well as the celebrations and milestones.   These good friends are able to help us see past our own low moments. They help us remember that we really do love our partners, even when they annoy us or let us down. They know we love our children, even when they do stupid things and we swear we’re going to disown them. They help us regain our confidence when we have a setback or lose our jobs or get dumped. They see the best in us when no one else can.   We feel good about ourselves after spending time with a positive friend. And that doesn’t mean they just flatter us or tell us what we want to hear. Our closest friends are the one who can actually tell us what we don’t want to hear. They can help us see our blind-spots - because looking at yourself and seeing things you don’t like is extremely vulnerable. Having a friend who believes in you, even in your ugly moments is a real friend.   In the book, “The Myth Of Happiness” (which I will also link to in the show-notes), the author says that the most intimate, trusting friendships are distinguished not by how the friends respond to each other’s disappointments and losses, but by how they react to each other’s good news.”   Being  positive and happy for each other is a huge contributor to connection in a friendship. Your true friends are the ones you call when things go right! Because, oddly, being happy for yourself is quite vulnerable.   I’ve thought about this a lot - and I’ve found that this is really true - we only share the very happy and the very sad feelings with our truest, closest friends - the ones who are consistently there for us, the ones who are willing to be vulnerable as well, and the ones who give is a really positive feeling.   So there you have it - the 3 characteristics that create deep adult friendships are consistency, vulnerability, and positivity. In real life, this is what it looks like.   #1 Consistency - which means finding ways to have regular, in-person contact. You can do this by setting a regular coffee date, or phone call, or forming a group that meets on a regular basis. Doing this episode has made me look at where I do and don’t have consistency in my friendships. It’s reminded me that I used really enjoy being in a book club and a ladies dinner group that I was a part of when I lived in Portland, Oregon and that I’d like to get something like that going where I live now. Especially if you’re an introvert like me, it helps to build more consistency into my friendships and socializing.   #2 - Vulnerability - which means really sharing the truth of who you are and balancing that with allowing other people to help you. Not always putting on a brave face. Admitting when things are a little hard for you. Letting friends come over for coffee, even if your kitchen is a mess and you haven’t showered. Asking a friend to help you with something or just listen.   In looking at my friendships, I see that the ones I feel closest to are the ones who have let me be there for them. And the ones who have been there for me. It’s a really important balance.   Especially in a new friendship, being vulnerable a little at a time is ideal. This gives you a chance to build up consistency and establish that “give and take” that will create the balance that is needed for true friendship.   #3 - Positivity - those people who add to our lives in really positive ways. They are there for us consistently, they hold our vulnerabilities - but they also help lift us out of ourselves, they remind us of what’s good about us and about our lives. They’re interested in us and want to know and understand us. They listen. They see the best. The celebrate whatever makes us happy. These are the friends who we want to spend more time with because we just feel so dang good after hanging out with them.   I hope you feel good after listening today!   To wrap this up - I want to share one more thought. There’s a nurse, named Bronnie Ware, who worked with dying patients for many years. She wrote a book about the regrets she heard people talk about on their deathbeds - and one of the top 5 regrets people had was not keeping in touch with friends.   Many years ago, I called my good friend Erica, at 3 a.m.,  because my dog had died and I didn’t know who else to call. She was there for me, without missing a beat. I want to be that kind of friend. I hope you have a friend like that in your life. And if you don’t, it’s not too late to start being that person and building a friendship that will be that for you.   I get how hard it is to stay in touch - especially during this really busy season of our lives - but I’ve realized, after doing this episode, that it’s pretty simple. Be consistent, be vulnerable, and be positive.   I’ve gotten a lot of ideas for ways that I can create better friendships in my own life and I hope you have too! I’d love to hear from you, anytime -  I share a lot of insights over on Instagram @AnnieKipStyle - just send me a DM or make a comment on my posts.   Thanks for listening today! Until next week - bye, bye for now!   LINKS TO RESOURCES:   https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/how-friendships-change-over-time-in-adulthood/411466/   http://time.com/3748090/friends-social-health/   https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/04/25/how-to-make-and-keep-friends-in-your-20s/?utm_term=.77dae1562880   Book: Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study, by George E. Vaillant Book: The Myth Of Happiness, by Sonja Lyubomirsky Book: The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, by Bronie Ware   Header image by: Jose Gonzalez

I just got back from a family vacation that was equally a good life experience and sad at the same time as we were dealing with a death in the family. When an experience like this happens, you really get to thinking about life, happiness and death — it really puts everything into perspective. So, I began researching this concept of happiness — how can you become happy, or, ‘Why aren’t you happy?’   Recommended reading: Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose, by Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh   The four answers people typically give when you ask what their goals pertain to are: building a company, getting a great job, finding a significant other, and being healthy. But why? Why do you want a great job? To make money. Why do you want to make money? Because you believe that will make you happier. Whatever your high-level goal is — whether it’s health, income, spouse, or career — your low-level goal, if you just ask yourself, “Why do I want that?” comes down to this idea that you want to be super happy. So my challenge to you this year is: Make your one — and only — resolution to be as happy as possible.   How Income Impacts Happiness There’s a really good study by Princeton, and what they found was that about $75,000/year is the sweet spot when it comes to financial gain equating to increased happiness. So if you’re making $20,000 a year and you can double it to $40k or increase it to $60k, there’s a tangible increase in your day-to-day mood. But, there’s not much of an increase in happiness beyond that amount of income. Another thing they broke down in that study is that there are two types of happiness. One is your day-to-day mood, and the other is a deeper satisfaction that your life is going the right way. What they found is that even if you hit the magical $75k/year it improves that deeper life satisfaction — but, you don’t wake up in a more jovial mood. So it’s important to understand that if you’re not happy right now, it probably goes a lot deeper than your income.   Overall Happiness Coming from Strong, Interpersonal Relationships This brings me to the second study I took a look at from Harvard. They tracked the same group of men for 80 years. Basically, from 1938, they’ve been meeting with the same group of men every two years. Half of the people that they met with were from the inner-city, with very low income and not many socio-economic advantages, and the other half were Harvard students. So, every two years they would ask this group about their physical and emotional health, employment, family, and friends. What they ended up finding was that it wasn’t money or status that determined a good life. The people that were the happiest and the healthiest stated that it was strong, interpersonal relationships that made them feel better. The people that were isolated were the ones that declined in mental and physical health. So a deep set of personal relationships is actually what led to happiness — and everybody could have that right now. The ability to have great relationships is already there for you!   Here’s a link to the full study: Grant Study of Adult Development, 1938-2000   George E. Vaillant was asked, “Ultimately, over 80 years, what did you learn from this study?” And he said, “The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.” So I want you guys to think about that — relationships with other people equate to happiness.   There’s a great Ted Talk with 18 million views about this study as well: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness   A Few Other Notes on Happiness I’m sure some of you have some friends on social media where they really want you to think they’re happy. This happens a lot with couples. There’s a great article on Inc. about how the happiest couples rarely post online. It’s a great read — It’s ‘8 Reasons Why Happy Couples Rarely Share Their Relationship Statuses on Social Media.’ Sometimes the more you share, the less you actually care. The last thing I’d like to talk about is: How does all of this impact your work life? And what are some of the action items you can take with you to make 2018 your happiest year ever? I was reading a blog post from Neil Patel, and one of the stats from it was that people that have a best friend at work are 7X more likely to be fully engaged. I really, truly believe that the more effort you put into deep and meaningful relationships with your coworkers, the more you’ll enjoy your job — and there’s a lot of data behind this: 54% of employers feel that strong work relationships improve culture, 36% of people that have a friend of work say that they enjoy going to work and feel more valued and productive, and close work friendships boost employee satisfaction by almost 50%. Think about your happiness as you tackle your goals for 2018.

“Positive Emotions and the Success of Alcoholics Anonymous” was presented on September 20, 2016 by Dr. George E. Vaillant, MD; Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School and the Department of Psychiatry, Massachusetts General Hospital. A 60-year study of adult development performed at Harvard University yielded fascinating information about alcohol use disorders and recovery. This presentation by the study director will present evidence based, prospective longitudinal research on why Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) is the treatment of choice to achieve abstinence from alcohol lasting more than two years. The presentation will suggest the mechanisms by which A.A. achieves these goals. Dr. Vaillant will describe factors that have been found to be predictive of an individual developing alcohol dependency, common patterns found among study individuals in the onset and progression of alcohol dependency and in the initiation and sustainment of recovery from alcohol dependency, evidence supporting the efficacy of Alcoholics Anonymous, and mechanisms by which people with alcohol dependency achieve sustained sobriety through Alcoholics Anonymous participation. This program is part of the Dawn Farm Education Series, a FREE, annual workshop series developed to provide accurate, helpful, hopeful, practical, current information about chemical dependency, recovery, family and related issues.  The Education Series is organized by Dawn Farm, a non-profit community of programs providing a continuum of chemical dependency services. For information, please see http://www.dawnfarm.org/programs/education-series.” About the presenter: GEORGE E. VAILLANT, M.D. Dr. Vaillant is a Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the Department of Psychiatry, Massachusetts General Hospital.  He is graduate of Harvard College and Harvard Medical School; Dr. Vaillant did his psychiatric residency at the Massachusetts Mental Health Center. He has spent his research career charting adult development, the importance of involuntary coping mechanisms, and recovery from alcoholism. From 1970 to 2005 he was Director of the Study of Adult Development at the Harvard University Health Service.  The study is arguably the longest (75 years) prospective psychosocial and medical study of males in the world.  More recently Dr. Vaillant has been interested in positive emotions and their relationship to Positive Psychology. In 2000 he became a founding member of Positive Psychology. He has been a Fellow at the Center for the Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, a past Class A (nonalcoholic trustee) of Alcoholics Anonymous and is a Fellow of the International Positive Psychology Association. He has received the Jellinek Memorial Award and American Psychiatric Association Distinguished Service Award. His published works include Adaptation to Life, 1977, The Natural History of Alcoholism-Revisited, 1995, Aging Well, 2002, Spiritual Evolution, 2008 and Triumphs of Experience, 2012, other books and numerous articles.

There are very few studies like the Harvard Grant Study.  Started in 1938, it has been following its approximately 200 participants ever since, analyzing their physical and mental health and assessing which factors are correlated with healthy living and healthy aging.  One of the psychiatrists of the study is George E. Vaillant, who was a young man in 1966 when he joined the research group, and has now written Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study (Harvard University Press, 2012).  This fascinating book relates how the participants have changed over the course of their lifetimes (yes, Dr. Vaillant claims, people can change) and highlights the factors correlated with both happiness (e.g. warm childhoods, close relationships) and misery (e.g. alcoholism).  Some of the findings are what you would expect, but this longitudinal study also holds some surprises, even as its participants reach their 90s and beyond. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are very few studies like the Harvard Grant Study.  Started in 1938, it has been following its approximately 200 participants ever since, analyzing their physical and mental health and assessing which factors are correlated with healthy living and healthy aging.  One of the psychiatrists of the study is George E. Vaillant, who was a young man in 1966 when he joined the research group, and has now written Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study (Harvard University Press, 2012).  This fascinating book relates how the participants have changed over the course of their lifetimes (yes, Dr. Vaillant claims, people can change) and highlights the factors correlated with both happiness (e.g. warm childhoods, close relationships) and misery (e.g. alcoholism).  Some of the findings are what you would expect, but this longitudinal study also holds some surprises, even as its participants reach their 90s and beyond. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Support our show by becoming a premium member! https://newbooksnetwork.supportingcast.fm/psychology

There are very few studies like the Harvard Grant Study.  Started in 1938, it has been following its approximately 200 participants ever since, analyzing their physical and mental health and assessing which factors are correlated with healthy living and healthy aging.  One of the psychiatrists of the study is George E. Vaillant, who was a young man in 1966 when he joined the research group, and has now written Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study (Harvard University Press, 2012).  This fascinating book relates how the participants have changed over the course of their lifetimes (yes, Dr. Vaillant claims, people can change) and highlights the factors correlated with both happiness (e.g. warm childhoods, close relationships) and misery (e.g. alcoholism).  Some of the findings are what you would expect, but this longitudinal study also holds some surprises, even as its participants reach their 90s and beyond. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Support our show by becoming a premium member! https://newbooksnetwork.supportingcast.fm/medicine

There are very few studies like the Harvard Grant Study.  Started in 1938, it has been following its approximately 200 participants ever since, analyzing their physical and mental health and assessing which factors are correlated with healthy living and healthy aging.  One of the psychiatrists of the study is George E. Vaillant, who was a young man in 1966 when he joined the research group, and has now written Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study (Harvard University Press, 2012).  This fascinating book relates how the participants have changed over the course of their lifetimes (yes, Dr. Vaillant claims, people can change) and highlights the factors correlated with both happiness (e.g. warm childhoods, close relationships) and misery (e.g. alcoholism).  Some of the findings are what you would expect, but this longitudinal study also holds some surprises, even as its participants reach their 90s and beyond. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are very few studies like the Harvard Grant Study.  Started in 1938, it has been following its approximately 200 participants ever since, analyzing their physical and mental health and assessing which factors are correlated with healthy living and healthy aging.  One of the psychiatrists of the study is George E. Vaillant, who was a young man in 1966 when he joined the research group, and has now written Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study (Harvard University Press, 2012).  This fascinating book relates how the participants have changed over the course of their lifetimes (yes, Dr. Vaillant claims, people can change) and highlights the factors correlated with both happiness (e.g. warm childhoods, close relationships) and misery (e.g. alcoholism).  Some of the findings are what you would expect, but this longitudinal study also holds some surprises, even as its participants reach their 90s and beyond. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices