Podcasts about harvard grant study

Turning the Microphone Around: A Deep Dive into Rocky Lalvani's Life Principles with Tyler Jefcoat   This special episode of Richer Soul flips the script as Tyler Jeffcoat, a close friend of Rocky's, takes the hosting reins to interview him. Tyler delves into Rocky's eight core guiding principles and how his perspectives have evolved over 400 episodes of sharing personal growth and financial wisdom. This intimate conversation provides a deeper understanding of the host and the principles that guide his life.   Key Takeaways:  Evolving Life Purpose: Rocky emphasizes the importance of revisiting and updating his life plan regularly, noting how it has evolved as he transitioned from corporate work to entrepreneurship. This shift has brought growth and freedom, aligning with his overarching life goals​. The Role of Childhood Lessons in Money Mastery: Instilling financial discipline early, Rocky shared how his upbringing shaped his relationship with money. His children, exposed to these teachings from a young age, now thrive financially by applying the principles he imparted​. The Power of Adaptation: Tyler and Rocky discuss adapting to life's phases, referring to studies like the Harvard Grant Study, which highlights how individuals change every decade. Rocky's reflections reveal how adaptability fosters long-term fulfillment and alignment with one's evolving goals​. Practical Application of Principles: As a practitioner of what he preaches, Rocky applies the concepts shared in the podcast to his own life, demonstrating authenticity and commitment. This consistency builds trust and inspires listeners to implement these principles themselves.   Money Learning: Rocky shares insights into fostering financial independence among younger generations. His kids learned the value of money from an early age, practicing saving, budgeting, and investing. By observing how others handle money, they recognized the benefits of disciplined financial behavior and now enjoy financial success themselves​.   Bio: Tyler Jeffcoat: Entrepreneur, mentor, and close friend of Rocky Lalvani, Tyler has built and sold businesses, gaining valuable insights into leadership and life. In this episode, he steps in as a guest host to shed light on Rocky's journey, celebrating over 400 episodes of Richer Soul.   Key Discussion Points:  The Transition to Entrepreneurship: Rocky reflects on the growth and freedom that come with owning a business, contrasting it with the constraints of corporate life​. The Evolution of Financial Wisdom: Through life experiences and teaching his kids, Rocky showcases how financial literacy can transform lives​. Consistency in Life Goals: Revisiting life plans ensures alignment with current priorities and fosters personal and professional growth​. Authenticity in Practice: By embodying the principles shared on the podcast, Rocky builds credibility and sets a powerful example for his audience.   Conclusion: This episode highlights the authentic and intentional approach Rocky Lalvani brings to Richer Soul. By turning the lens inward, Tyler Jeffcoat helps us explore how Rocky applies his teachings in real life, inspiring listeners to take proactive steps toward aligning their life goals, financial strategies, and personal growth.   Links:   Watch the full episode on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@richersoul Richer Soul Life Beyond Money. You got rich, now what? Let's talk about your journey to more a purposeful, intentional, amazing life. Where are you going to go and how are you going to get there? Let's figure that out together. At the core is the financial well being to be able to do what you want, when you want, how you want. It's about personal freedom!   Thanks for listening!   Show Sponsor: http://profitcomesfirst.com/   Schedule your free no obligation call: https://bookme.name/rockyl/lite/intro-appointment-15-minutes   If you like the show please leave a review on iTunes: http://bit.do/richersoul   https://www.facebook.com/richersoul http://richersoul.com/ rocky@richersoul.com   Some music provided by Junan from Junan Podcast   Any financial advice is for educational purposes only and you should consult with an expert for your specific needs.

In this episode, Kari Schneider dives into the fascinating world of Hedonic vs. Eudaimonic Happiness. Kari shares a personal story about overeating to uncover why many of us chase short-term pleasures and miss out on deeper, lasting happiness. You'll learn the differences between pleasure-seeking happiness (hedonic) and purpose-driven fulfillment (eudaimonic), backed by research from the likes of Ryan & Deci and insights from the Harvard Grant Study. Takeaways include actionable tips on how to align your daily actions with long-term happiness and reflections on balancing life's pleasures with meaningful goals. If you want more joy, health, and a stronger sense of purpose, this episode is for you!   The Empowered Team is your ticket to your next level - learn more via the link below:   https://bit.ly/TheEmpoweredTEAM

Join us in a thought-provoking episode of the "Goal Smasher" podcast, based on Audrey Lawrence's impactful book and acclaimed as the most binge-worthy series on Speak Up Radio. In "Lessons from the Harvard Grant Study – The Blueprint of a Fulfilling Life," we dive into the rich insights from one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. What does this decades-long Harvard study teach us about happiness, success, and health? Tune-in! Keywords: Harvard Grant Study, life fulfillment, long-term success, health and happiness, personal development, Audrey Lawrence, Goal Smasher, Speak Up Radio, longitudinal research, life lessons, well-being, success factors, award-winning podcast, practical wisdom.

In de laatste aflevering van dit 1e seizoen van Normale Mensen Bestaan Niet gaan Thijs en Lennard in op wat het is om gelukkig te zijn. Kun je wel de hele tijd gelukkig zijn of niet? Waar word je nou écht gelukkig van? En wat zegt de langstlopende studie ter wereld naar gelukkig en gezond leven van Harvard ons hierover? Adverteren in de podcast? Podcasts@astrolads.com Bronnen en ander lees- en luister- en kijkvoer: - Het boek The Second Mountain van David Brooks is een aanrader: https://www.bol.com/nl/nl/f/the-second-mountain/9200000095353169/ - Natuurlijk ook Flourish van Martin Seligman: https://www.bol.com/nl/nl/p/flourish/1001004011746039/ - Boek van Viktor Frankl is een klassieker over gelukkig worden - Man's search for meaning - Laurie Santos - Science of Wellbeing cursus (gratis en goed): https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being - Met vreemden praten maakt je gelukkiger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odAAw3NpV4s - Liz Dunn onderzoek iets voor een ander doen: https://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_dunn_helping_others_makes_us_happier_but_it_matters_how_we_do_it?language=nl - Ted talk over langste studie: https://ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness Nerd-literatuur: - Seligman, M. E. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Simon and Schuster. - Van Zyl, L. E. (2013). Seligman's flourishing: An appraisal of what lies beyond happiness Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being, Martin EP Seligman: book review. SA journal of industrial psychology, 39(2), 1-3. - Seligman, M. E., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2000). Positive psychology: An introduction (Vol. 55, No. 1, p. 5). American Psychological Association. - Lyubomirsky, S., King, L., & Diener, E. (2005). The benefits of frequent positive affect: Does happiness lead to success?. Psychological bulletin, 131(6), 803. - Sheldon, K. M., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2006). How to increase and sustain positive emotion: The effects of expressing gratitude and visualizing best possible selves. The journal of positive psychology, 1(2), 73-82. - Layous, K. T. I. N., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2014). The how, why, what, when, and who of happiness. Positive emotion: Integrating the light sides and dark sides, 473-495. - Lyubomirsky, S., King, L., & Diener, E. (2005). The benefits of frequent positive affect: Does happiness lead to success?. Psychological bulletin, 131(6), 803. - Vaillant, G. E. (2008). Aging well: Surprising guideposts to a happier life from the landmark study of adult development. Hachette UK. - Fuchsman, K. (2023). Harvard Grant Study of Adult Development: 1938–2022. Journal of Psychohistory, 51(1). - Atherton, O. E., Graham, E. K., Dorame, A. N., Horgan, D., Luo, J., Nevarez, M. D., ... & Lee, L. O. (2023). Is there intergenerational continuity in early life experiences? Findings from the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Journal of Family Psychology. - Hart, J. (2023). Harvard Study of Adult Development: Human Connection is Key to Health and Well-Being. Integrative and Complementary Therapies, 29(3), 122-124. - Atir, S., Wald, K. A., & Epley, N. (2022). Talking with strangers is surprisingly informative. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 119(34), e2206992119. - Schroeder, J., Lyons, D., & Epley, N. (2022). Hello, stranger? Pleasant conversations are preceded by concerns about starting one. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 151(5), 1141. - Epley, N., & Schroeder, J. (2014). Mistakenly seeking solitude. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(5), 1980.

The Harvard Grant Study stands as one of history's lengthiest studies, offering invaluable perspectives on human happiness. Through the lens of happiness, this study unravels the intricate fabric of human existence, delving into the very essence of our pursuit. Happiness, a universally coveted experience, transcends cultural boundaries and societal backgrounds. In this episode, I discuss 8 lessons from the world's longest study of happiness. For more go to: www.scottmlynch.com Episode Resources The Essentials of Resilience This episode is brought to you by: Notion Embrace greatness through these empowering offerings: Discover your true potential with the support of a passionate Discord community. Unlock actionable insights on how to master your mindset and optimize your happiness through my weekly ⁠newsletter⁠. Embrace the boundless power of your mind. Enroll alongside 154 motivated students in my academy and unlock your true potential. Maximize your potential and experience life-changing growth by enrolling in my Group Coaching program. Subscribe now to access an exclusive collection of 24 ad-free bonus episodes per year, featuring Q&A-based content. Access my downloadable and printable exercises to equip yourself with the essential tools for success. Follow me on social for more inspiration: Instagram Facebook TikTok Twitter YouTube Want to be featured in a future episode? Leave a review here (even one sentence helps)! Music by: Blaize Trulson Produced by Legacy Divisions. Past guests on The Motivated Mind include Chris Voss, Captain Sandy, Dr. Chris Palmer, Joey Thurman, Jason Harris, Koshin Paley Ellison, Rudy Mawer, Molly Fletcher, Kristen Butler, Hasard Lee, Natasha Graziano, and Alan Stein, Jr.

Most of us have heard the phrase “resilience is key”, and often associate it with physical endurance or success in business. But what exactly does this concept mean, and more importantly, how can we become resilient? The answers to both questions lie deep within a study that has been running for 75 years – the Harvard Grant Study. This amazing project was initiated by Harvard University to track and trace the life journeys of 268 male students from their lives as collegians up until death. By closely observing these men during all stages of their lives, researchers were able to draw some interesting conclusions about resilience. In this episode, I discuss the five most mature, healthy defense mechanisms associated with higher life satisfaction. For more go to: www.scottmlynch.com This episode is brought to you by: BetterHelp OneSkin: Get 15% off OneSkin with the code MOTIVATED Embrace greatness through these empowering offerings: Discover your true potential with the support of a passionate Discord community. Unlock actionable insights on how to master your mindset and optimize your happiness through my weekly ⁠newsletter⁠. Embrace the boundless power of your mind. Enroll alongside 154 motivated students in my academy and unlock your true potential. Maximize your potential and experience life-changing growth by enrolling in my Mindset Coaching program. Subscribe now to access an exclusive collection of 24 ad-free bonus episodes per year, featuring Q&A-based content. Access my downloadable and printable exercises to equip yourself with the essential tools for success. Follow me on social for more inspiration: Instagram Facebook TikTok Twitter YouTube Want to be featured in a future episode? Leave a review here (even one sentence helps)! Music by: Blaize Trulson Produced by Legacy Divisions. Past guests on The Motivated Mind include Chris Voss, Captain Sandy, Dr. Chris Palmer, Joey Thurman, Jason Harris, Koshin Paley Ellison, Rudy Mawer, Molly Fletcher, Kristen Butler, Hasard Lee, and Alan Stein, Jr.

When a thought knocks politely on the door of my mind, I open the door and entertain the thought. But when an unseen thought shines into my mind through a skylight, I am always startled by the mystery of how words-not-my-own came to echo in my empty skull.“What, then, is Love?”Those four words, like the feet of a proud, white goat, prance in the snowy landscape of my mind.“What, then, is Love?”Unable to escape the music of those words, I will do my best to answer their question:“What, then, is Love?”Low-voltage love is a noun. It is something you feel. It surrounds you and you are “in” it.High-voltage love is a verb. It is something you do.E. W. Howe was 5 years old when Teddy Roosevelt was born, and he was 10 when the American Civil War began. E. W. Howe died 85 years ago. But while he lived, he said,“When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.”In those 25 words, we see love as a verb; love with its sleeves rolled up.Love as a noun comes and goes but love as a verb comes to stay. “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…”Alexander the Great died 323 years before Jesus was born. Alexander loved adventure and battle. He felt it, was surrounded by it, and was “in” it. Jesus loved people. He fed them, healed them, encouraged them, and died for them. Verb, verb, verb, verb.Alexander and Jesus both died at the age of 32.During the 12 years that Alexander was conquering and ruling the world, his soldiers taught every nation a simplified form of Greek so that everyone could understand what Alexander was saying. This “Koine” Greek became the world's first international language.The entire New Testament – including all the stories of Jesus – were written in the “Koine” Greek of Alexander, a language with four different words for love, although only two of them were used in the New Testament. The two that do not appear are:Eros: sexual love.Storge: the love between members of a family.The two words for love that appear repeatedly in the New Testament are Philia and Agape.Philia: the love between close friends.Agape: sacrificial love; “I care about you more than I care about me.”The Harvard Grant Study is the world's longest running and most comprehensive psychological study, and it talks about love. The study says the happiest people are those who have chosen to do 5 things.(5.) suppress unproductive and distressing thoughts,(4.) maintain a realistic view of the future and its difficulties,(3.) turn frustration and anger into productive energy,(2.) make light of stressful events,(1.) focus on the wellbeing of others.The world's longest running and most comprehensive psychological study says the secret of happiness is to see love as a verb, something you do: focus on the wellbeing of others.Albert Schweitzer was a polymath. He was a physician, philosopher, musicologist, theologian, humanitarian, and a writer. He received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1952.On September 4, 1965 – the day Albert Schweitzer died – the song “Help!” by the Beatles, went to #1 on the charts. Do you remember the lyrics?When I was younger, so much younger than today,I never needed anybody's help in any way.But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.Help me if you can, I'm feeling down.And I do appreciate you being 'round.Help me get my feet back on the ground.Won't you please, please help me?Albert Schweitzer spoke of love and happiness in much the same way the Harvard Grant Study spoke of love and...

“Everyone was all for inclusion. There wasn't anybody who felt that this movement for inclusion was anything but good. But there were a lot of worries that in our focus on inclusion that we've turned away from thinking about the teaching of analysis per se - of what goes on with the analyst and the patient, teaching how we work with people, how we think about people. Countertransference can get lost in this way. Even though there is a focus on the countertransference in terms of discrimination, but that is just one factor. So, there was a lot of concern that we could lose interest in development and interest in intrapsychic life."     Episode Description: We begin by referring to Judy's first podcast (#83) where she reported on her interviews with former analysands about the nature of their termination experience. She has continued to rely on personal conversations to learn about the inner life of individuals in her current project of interviewing analysts over age 70 about their life in psychoanalysis. We discuss their generativity, their resilience, their personal difficulties, and their vision for the future of our field. Common to many respondents is their greater comfort in using themselves in their clinical encounters. We discuss the challenge of understanding long-term patients who maintain ongoing contact with their analysts seemingly without plans for termination. We conclude with Judy sharing with us her personal experiences of termination, loss, and her own resiliency and passion for her work.    Our Guest: Judy L. Kantrowitz, Ph.D. is a training and supervising analyst at the Boston Psychoanalytic Institute and formerly a Clinical Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School, now a corresponding member. She is the author of four books, The Patient's Impact on the Analyst (1996); Writing about Patients: responsibilities, risks, and ramifications (2006),  Myths of Termination: What Patients Can Teach Analyst About Endings (2014), and The Role of Patient -Analyst Match in the Process and Outcome of Psychoanalysis (2020). She has served three times on the Editorial of JAPA and won the JAPA paper prize for 2020. She is currently on the board of The Psychoanalytic Quarterly. She is in private practice of psychoanalysis and psychoanalytic psychotherapy in Brookline, MA.      Recommended Readings:    Erikson, Erik H: The Life Cycle Completed. New York & London W.W. Norton & Company, 1982.    Junkers, Gabriele, editor and author: The Empty Couch. London & New York. Routledge, 2013.    Valliant, George E.: Aging Well:: Surprising Guideposts to a Happier Life from the Landmark Harvard Study of Adult Development, New York, Boston, London, Little Brown. 2002.    Valliant, George E. Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study.Cambridge, Massachusetts, London, England. The Belknap Press of Harvard university.2012. 

 Mind over Medicine- Snack Cast Episode 81  How community plays a huge part in your health. Harvard -Grant Study. 

What are we hoping our spirituality will offer us as we age? The famed Harvard Grant Study looks at men and women over 75+ years to answer the question of what aging well--and dying well--looks like. What will lead to happiness, health and mental capacity in our eighties if we get that far. Among their intriguing findings: religiosity is surprisingly correlated with depression, but another version of devout spirituality ages very well. Join Dave Schmelzer as he walks you through their insights with his usual lively stories and with insight from a pop culture phenomenon. Mentioned on this podcast:Aging Well, by George VaillantThe Harvard Grant StudyTuesdays with Morrie movieThe Untethered Soul, by Michael A. Singer

Finding out who we actually are--and perhaps fulfilling our potential--turns out to be a more surprising challenge than we could have guessed. But the rewards that the great spiritual teachers suggest will come to us are pretty great, as we realize that God has been doing things for us behind the scenes that we've previously missed. Jumping off with insights from diverse sources like The Harvard Grant Study and the 90s Matt Damon movie Rounders, Dave Schmelzer takes us on a deep dive into the benefits of discovering our identity.  Mentioned in this episode:   Rounders   Explore a new online small group on related themes. For more information, email mail@blueoceanfaith.org   The Harvard Grant Study   John Cassian   The Peace Prayer of St. Francis   Psalm 139:1-4, 6, 13-14, 17 You have searched me, Lord,  and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise;  you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down;  you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue  you, Lord, know it completely... Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,  too lofty for me to attain… For you created my inmost being;  you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made… How precious to me are your thoughts, God!   How vast is the sum of them!  

Finding out who we actually are--and perhaps fulfilling our potential--turns out to be a more surprising challenge than we could have guessed. But the rewards that the great spiritual teachers suggest will come to us are pretty great, as we realize that God has been doing things for us behind the scenes that we've previously missed. Jumping off with insights from diverse sources like The Harvard Grant Study and the 90s Matt Damon movie Rounders, Dave Schmelzer takes us on a deep dive into the benefits of discovering our identity. Mentioned in this episode: Rounders Explore a new online small group on related themes. For more information, email mail@blueoceanfaith.org The Harvard Grant Study John Cassian The Peace Prayer of St. Francis Psalm 139:1-4, 6, 13-14, 17You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely...Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain…For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…How precious to me are your thoughts, God!  How vast is the sum of them!  

About This Episode: Today we’re delving into the romantic / dating world. As Career Warriors, I think it’s so important to discuss this topic, because our relationships (and even our dating life) can be so heavily tied into our careers--as well as mental health.A Harvard study followed 268 undergraduates for 75 years, regularly collecting data on various aspects of their lives. This was the Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study. The study found that loving relationships are most important for meaning and happiness. Even individuals with successful careers and good physical health were not fulfilled without loving relationships.So, we’re are going to talk about some really cool things during this episode:Things like...taking care of yourself while you are in the dating world -- when you may be in a job search or trying to crush it at work.We’ll touch upon confidence and the emotions involved in this process.And we’re going to talk about the hottest topic ever: online dating. Love it or hate it -- it’s part of the dating landscape now, and we’re covering that too.Emily Griffiths is making her second appearance on the Career Warrior Podcast. Emily is a licensed therapist here in Austin and is an expert in helping us deal with many of the emotional challenges in our lives. I met her because she is a mentor at Capital Factory, where she helps founders, CEOs manage the emotional side of their entrepreneurial journey. She’s a rockstar, she’s also excited to have this conversation with you guys.Don't forget about our 2019 sharing contest. Every month, we will give listeners the chance to win 2 in depth resume consultations with me. I will personally get on the phone with you and help you to rewrite your resume and get targeted in your job search. All you need to do is share any one of these podcast episodes on Facebook. Make sure you follow and tag Let’s Eat, Grandma so we know it was you and we can give you credit. Make sure to tag the consulting service, which has a yellow logo with a pencil. Super cool opportunity, and like I said we are going to be offering this for all of 2019.Questions we address:Why is love so important in people’s lives?Can’t I just get away with being that wealthy billionaire CEO?Why is dating and relationships tied in so closely to mental health?Heart of the Content: Finding Love, Emotions, and Online Dating:What are the best practices in self-care during dating process?Best way to keep energy and mood up?What are some classic mental health mistakes that people make in their love and dating life?Confidence is such an important thing in dating. Like it’s not even funny...How can you boost that dating confidence?And how can you regain it if you completely lost it or never had it in the first place?“I keep putting myself out there over and over again. And keep getting no results.” Let’s talk to this person.What would you say to this person on how they can manage lack of success in their dating lives?“I don’t have time for any of this.” Let’s talk about that excuse (especially one that our career people will be encountering).How would you respond to a person who is motivated yet has this excuse?The nuances of online dating. I think it would be cool if we launched into a mini-discussion about ONLINE dating and why it’s so darn difficult for a lot of people.Why can online dating suck? (Similarly, what is the hardest part about achieving success in online dating?)A great question from Myra Scott on Quora: Is online dating fundamentally flawed? If so, can it be fixed? How? If not, what dating apps actually work? Why?Wrapping this segment up , what are the best ways to approach online dating?Resources:Contact Emily here: http://emilygriffithstherapy.com/Harvard study: https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Friendship is 100% voluntary - that's what makes it so wonderful! - and also the thing that pushes it lower on the priority list, when life gets busy. It seems like friendship should be easy at this point - but that's not always the case. Listen in to today as I share 3 essential qualities you can cultivate to maintain and deepen your adult friendships.     The biggest takeaways from this episode: How friendship is important for your health. Why friendship gets more difficult as we get older. The qualities adult friendships must have to keep growing. Why your friendships deserve your attention, even when you're busy.   Hey there, Thanks for being here today! Welcome to the Style With Intention podcast. Today, we’re going to dive into adult friendships. This is a topic that I've thought and read a lot about - and struggled with too. "Friendship" is one of those things that we assume should be easy at this point in our lives, but it doesn't always feel that way. Adult friendships can feel vulnerable and tricky to navigate - but there's scientific evidence that friendship is really important to your physical and mental well-being - so it's worth it!. In this episode, I'm sharing 3 important qualities you can cultivate to to maintain and deepen your adult friendships. I recorded this episode a couple of weeks ago - but, this week, I had some real life lessons in the value of adult friendships. This last week was a doozy for me. Some unexpected changes in my relationship with the beau really threw me for a loop - and when I reached out to friends, they were there for me. I've had to rely on friends more than usual during this time and I can't imagine going through this without them.  It's never too late to make new friends and develop close friendships! Listen in today as I share how the 3 qualities of friendship play out in adult friendships. I've seen how it works in my own life and an excited to share my insights with you. As always, my goal is to make it quicker and easier for you to access more ease, joy, and intention in your life...because happy looks really, really good! Enjoy the show!         If you’re new to podcasts, check out our “Listening To Podcasts Cheat Sheet” for everything you need to know about downloading and listening to podcasts from your iPhone.   CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE   If you’d rather read, than listen, here’s the FULL TRANSCRIPT OF EPISODE #17 DEVELOP DEEPER ADULT FRIENDSHIPS WITH THESE 3 QUALITIES   Welcome to the Style With Intention podcast, where we talk about how to use your personal style choices as a tool to create a life you love. We believe choice is empowering, complacency is boring, and happy looks really, really good! I’m your host, Annie Kip, and I’m so glad you’re here today! Today we’re talking about adult friendships.   Did you know there is a single question which can predict whether you will be alive and happy at age 80?   Ask yourself, “Is there someone in your life whom you would feel comfortable phoning at 4 in the morning to tell your troubles to?”   If you answered “yes” you’ve got a really good shot at being not just alive, but also happy, into your 80’s. If you’re answer is”no” your chances are much, much lower for being happy and alive into your 80’s. But it’s never too late to change that.   This info is from the Grant study that started in 1938 and followed the physical and emotional health of 200 men, who are now well into their 90’s. When the man who led the study for many years, George Vaillant, was asked what he’d learned from the study, his response was simply “That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.”   That’s pretty powerful. We all enjoy having friends, but I doubt we are all aware of how having friends is actually vital to our health and well-being.   Some of you may know that I’ve moved 8 times in my adult life. Each place I’ve moved, I had to establish new friendships. I didn’t really anticipate that I would be moving so many times, so I really invested myself into the friends that I made in each new place. Every single time, it was really, really hard to leave the people I had became close to and every single time, it was hard to make new friends again - but looking back, I feel like the luckiest person on earth to have ended up with really wonderful friends all over the country.   I’m one of those people who always feels super lucky just to be included. I don’t take it for granted that people want to be friends with me and I always feel like I’m not quite as good a friend to other people as they are to me. My friends tell me this isn’t true, but still, there’s a little insecure part of me that feels like I’m the lucky one to have such great friends!   I’m a bit of an introvert - I’m fine at parties and I do love socializing -- but I’m not totally comfortable reaching out. I can get lost in my work, head down, stuck in my office, day in and day out - and before I know it, weeks have gone by and I haven’t reached out to anyone. Luckily, I have old friends who know to just drop by my house - and they know I’m always happy to make coffee and chat anytime.   But to make new adult friends, I’ve really had to go outside my comfort zone.   A few years ago, I saw a woman at the gym who I knew of from around town , but her kids were older than mine, so we never matched up in school and we didn’t have the same circle of friends. I don’t know what possessed me one day, but I walked up to her and introduced myself - and told her I’d always admired her, was interested in her work as a coach, and wondered if she wanted to have coffee someday.   To make a long story short - we made plans and I accidentally stood her up, which was a terrible way to start a friendship. Luckily, she gave me another chance and we finally met up for coffee. We had coffee again, then walked together, talked about our work, then eventually our families and relationships, and she’s now one of my very close friends. I didn’t even realize how much we had in common and how much we would enjoy being friends. I just took a chance, put aside my worry that I would seem like a weirdo, and followed a hunch. I’m so glad I reached out to her - because otherwise, I wouldn’t have this sweet friend in my life.   Making friends is something that seems like it should come naturally - and it does sometimes - but more often it feels vulnerable and awkward and scary. I’m not totally comfortable doing it, but I think it’s worth it.   In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about the 3 characteristics that are critical for adult friendships to flourish - consistency, vulnerability, and positivity.   We’ll talk about how you can develop these characteristics and take a look at how they look in real life adult friendships. These characteristics will help you, not only maintain your old friendships, but also attract new adult friends as well.   This episode is perfect for you if you’re feeling as if you’d like to deepen the friendships that you already have or be the kind of person who attracts new friends.   The first characteristic is consistency.   Old and new friendships need some amount of consistent interaction beyond “likes’ on Facebook to maintain their closeness and grow. Either get-togethers in person or phone calls or even emails. Some degree of regular, personal interaction is critical to keeping friendships alive.   It seems to me that middle-age is the hardest time to maintain and grow friendships. Having consistency in a friendship was a lot easier when we were younger.   My social life used to sort of revolve around the sports and the activities that my kids did - I made friends with the women who were also waiting for swimming lessons and I got to know people while we watched our kids play endless games of little league. There were regularly scheduled reasons for interacting because of carpooling and school events and volunteering.   There was a built-in consistency - we were in closer, day-to-day touch with each other because our kids were friends with people that lived in our neighborhood - we could grab a quick coffee while the kids played - it didn’t have to be a big, planned event to get together and catch up a little. We had more involvement with each other in a sort of accidental way.   The same was true in college - you almost couldn’t help making friends in college because your peers were always right there. We had time to make friendships, get to know each other, and build trust.   If you’re about my age, you’re busy with kids and your own career and time for friendship might feel like a luxury - and it might be sort of lower on your priority list just because you have so many other obligations and there’s only so much time in the day.   But this is the magic of friendship - it’s based on choice. It’s a completely voluntary relationship. The fact that it isn’t obligatory is what makes it so special.   The friends who we choose to make time for on a consistent basis are the ones we become closest to. When you have a new friend, you have to follow up and make plans again to keep the friendship growing. Consistency is the key to friendships because, especially when you’re a busy adult, it has to be a mutual choice to be available for each other, to make space in our lives for each other, and to rely on each other.   Which leads me nicely into the 2nd characteristic of deep adult friendships - which is  vulnerability.   I’ve talked a lot about vulnerability on this podcast - particularly in episode #9 - and vulnerability is a critical element of adult friendships.   Again, when our kids were little, there was some built-in vulnerability, because we shared a lot of the same issues and concerns. Our marriages, money worries, how the kids were getting along in school, whether or not they made the team, and who was feeling left out. With little kids, we most often has little problems. And the stakes were lower, most of the time.   In middle-age, we’re a little older, we’ve got bigger kids, and we’ve often got bigger problems. Sometimes embarrassing problems we don’t want to tell people about. Kids get into trouble, do stupid things, they sometimes treat us - their parents - very badly. We sometime have serious relationship issues or health issues. It’s a lot more vulnerable to share our concerns and issues when they scare us or hurt us. And the issues can feel like a reflection on us too - we wonder if we messed up somewhere along the way.   When the stakes are much higher, we might be more inclined to just keep our problems to ourselves and put on a brave face. It’s just easier.   Especially if we don’t have the consistent day to day contact, no one wants to dump a bunch of bad news on their friends.   Ironically, friendships can help us get through the tough, painful times - if we’re willing to be vulnerable - but being vulnerable feels risky because it could lead to rejection and more pain - so people avoid it.   This is how we start to drift apart - we stop sharing. We don’t rely on each other. To keep that from happening - we have to make intentional effort to keep being connected. We have to allow a balance of give and take and both parties in a friendship have to be willing to take a chance, to share the tough stuff, to be real.   If only one party is willing to be vulnerable - things get out of balance. It can be very painful and make us feel like we’re the only ones floundering, if we share and the other person doesn't.   The key is that you have to let the other person “give” to you as well. You have to “take” sometimes - and that’s super vulnerable. If you’re always the one doing the giving, you might feel good about yourself, but you won’t build a great friendship.   Both parties have to be willing to be vulnerable - because you can’t have a deep friendship without that balance.   This is a time in our lives where we get to pick who we are friends with. When our time becomes scarce, and the problems and issues become bigger and more painful - we really need to be picky about who we are friends with.   The third important element of deep adult friendships is positivity.   On top of consistency and vulnerability, the thing we need most from our friends is positivity.   We want to know that, even when we do share our biggest vulnerabilities, that our friends will lift us up. A consistent and reliable friend is someone you know you can count on, when you’re not at the top of your game. As we said at the beginning of the podcast, this is the friend you can call at 4 in the morning to share your troubles.   The close friends we have had for a long time hold our history, they know our families, and they’ve been there through the disappointments, the losses and the heartaches - as well as the celebrations and milestones.   These good friends are able to help us see past our own low moments. They help us remember that we really do love our partners, even when they annoy us or let us down. They know we love our children, even when they do stupid things and we swear we’re going to disown them. They help us regain our confidence when we have a setback or lose our jobs or get dumped. They see the best in us when no one else can.   We feel good about ourselves after spending time with a positive friend. And that doesn’t mean they just flatter us or tell us what we want to hear. Our closest friends are the one who can actually tell us what we don’t want to hear. They can help us see our blind-spots - because looking at yourself and seeing things you don’t like is extremely vulnerable. Having a friend who believes in you, even in your ugly moments is a real friend.   In the book, “The Myth Of Happiness” (which I will also link to in the show-notes), the author says that the most intimate, trusting friendships are distinguished not by how the friends respond to each other’s disappointments and losses, but by how they react to each other’s good news.”   Being  positive and happy for each other is a huge contributor to connection in a friendship. Your true friends are the ones you call when things go right! Because, oddly, being happy for yourself is quite vulnerable.   I’ve thought about this a lot - and I’ve found that this is really true - we only share the very happy and the very sad feelings with our truest, closest friends - the ones who are consistently there for us, the ones who are willing to be vulnerable as well, and the ones who give is a really positive feeling.   So there you have it - the 3 characteristics that create deep adult friendships are consistency, vulnerability, and positivity. In real life, this is what it looks like.   #1 Consistency - which means finding ways to have regular, in-person contact. You can do this by setting a regular coffee date, or phone call, or forming a group that meets on a regular basis. Doing this episode has made me look at where I do and don’t have consistency in my friendships. It’s reminded me that I used really enjoy being in a book club and a ladies dinner group that I was a part of when I lived in Portland, Oregon and that I’d like to get something like that going where I live now. Especially if you’re an introvert like me, it helps to build more consistency into my friendships and socializing.   #2 - Vulnerability - which means really sharing the truth of who you are and balancing that with allowing other people to help you. Not always putting on a brave face. Admitting when things are a little hard for you. Letting friends come over for coffee, even if your kitchen is a mess and you haven’t showered. Asking a friend to help you with something or just listen.   In looking at my friendships, I see that the ones I feel closest to are the ones who have let me be there for them. And the ones who have been there for me. It’s a really important balance.   Especially in a new friendship, being vulnerable a little at a time is ideal. This gives you a chance to build up consistency and establish that “give and take” that will create the balance that is needed for true friendship.   #3 - Positivity - those people who add to our lives in really positive ways. They are there for us consistently, they hold our vulnerabilities - but they also help lift us out of ourselves, they remind us of what’s good about us and about our lives. They’re interested in us and want to know and understand us. They listen. They see the best. The celebrate whatever makes us happy. These are the friends who we want to spend more time with because we just feel so dang good after hanging out with them.   I hope you feel good after listening today!   To wrap this up - I want to share one more thought. There’s a nurse, named Bronnie Ware, who worked with dying patients for many years. She wrote a book about the regrets she heard people talk about on their deathbeds - and one of the top 5 regrets people had was not keeping in touch with friends.   Many years ago, I called my good friend Erica, at 3 a.m.,  because my dog had died and I didn’t know who else to call. She was there for me, without missing a beat. I want to be that kind of friend. I hope you have a friend like that in your life. And if you don’t, it’s not too late to start being that person and building a friendship that will be that for you.   I get how hard it is to stay in touch - especially during this really busy season of our lives - but I’ve realized, after doing this episode, that it’s pretty simple. Be consistent, be vulnerable, and be positive.   I’ve gotten a lot of ideas for ways that I can create better friendships in my own life and I hope you have too! I’d love to hear from you, anytime -  I share a lot of insights over on Instagram @AnnieKipStyle - just send me a DM or make a comment on my posts.   Thanks for listening today! Until next week - bye, bye for now!   LINKS TO RESOURCES:   https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/how-friendships-change-over-time-in-adulthood/411466/   http://time.com/3748090/friends-social-health/   https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/04/25/how-to-make-and-keep-friends-in-your-20s/?utm_term=.77dae1562880   Book: Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study, by George E. Vaillant Book: The Myth Of Happiness, by Sonja Lyubomirsky Book: The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, by Bronie Ware   Header image by: Jose Gonzalez

There are very few studies like the Harvard Grant Study.  Started in 1938, it has been following its approximately 200 participants ever since, analyzing their physical and mental health and assessing which factors are correlated with healthy living and healthy aging.  One of the psychiatrists of the study is George E. Vaillant, who was a young man in 1966 when he joined the research group, and has now written Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study (Harvard University Press, 2012).  This fascinating book relates how the participants have changed over the course of their lifetimes (yes, Dr. Vaillant claims, people can change) and highlights the factors correlated with both happiness (e.g. warm childhoods, close relationships) and misery (e.g. alcoholism).  Some of the findings are what you would expect, but this longitudinal study also holds some surprises, even as its participants reach their 90s and beyond. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are very few studies like the Harvard Grant Study.  Started in 1938, it has been following its approximately 200 participants ever since, analyzing their physical and mental health and assessing which factors are correlated with healthy living and healthy aging.  One of the psychiatrists of the study is George E. Vaillant, who was a young man in 1966 when he joined the research group, and has now written Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study (Harvard University Press, 2012).  This fascinating book relates how the participants have changed over the course of their lifetimes (yes, Dr. Vaillant claims, people can change) and highlights the factors correlated with both happiness (e.g. warm childhoods, close relationships) and misery (e.g. alcoholism).  Some of the findings are what you would expect, but this longitudinal study also holds some surprises, even as its participants reach their 90s and beyond. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Support our show by becoming a premium member! https://newbooksnetwork.supportingcast.fm/psychology

There are very few studies like the Harvard Grant Study.  Started in 1938, it has been following its approximately 200 participants ever since, analyzing their physical and mental health and assessing which factors are correlated with healthy living and healthy aging.  One of the psychiatrists of the study is George E. Vaillant, who was a young man in 1966 when he joined the research group, and has now written Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study (Harvard University Press, 2012).  This fascinating book relates how the participants have changed over the course of their lifetimes (yes, Dr. Vaillant claims, people can change) and highlights the factors correlated with both happiness (e.g. warm childhoods, close relationships) and misery (e.g. alcoholism).  Some of the findings are what you would expect, but this longitudinal study also holds some surprises, even as its participants reach their 90s and beyond. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Support our show by becoming a premium member! https://newbooksnetwork.supportingcast.fm/medicine

There are very few studies like the Harvard Grant Study.  Started in 1938, it has been following its approximately 200 participants ever since, analyzing their physical and mental health and assessing which factors are correlated with healthy living and healthy aging.  One of the psychiatrists of the study is George E. Vaillant, who was a young man in 1966 when he joined the research group, and has now written Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study (Harvard University Press, 2012).  This fascinating book relates how the participants have changed over the course of their lifetimes (yes, Dr. Vaillant claims, people can change) and highlights the factors correlated with both happiness (e.g. warm childhoods, close relationships) and misery (e.g. alcoholism).  Some of the findings are what you would expect, but this longitudinal study also holds some surprises, even as its participants reach their 90s and beyond. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are very few studies like the Harvard Grant Study.  Started in 1938, it has been following its approximately 200 participants ever since, analyzing their physical and mental health and assessing which factors are correlated with healthy living and healthy aging.  One of the psychiatrists of the study is George E. Vaillant, who was a young man in 1966 when he joined the research group, and has now written Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study (Harvard University Press, 2012).  This fascinating book relates how the participants have changed over the course of their lifetimes (yes, Dr. Vaillant claims, people can change) and highlights the factors correlated with both happiness (e.g. warm childhoods, close relationships) and misery (e.g. alcoholism).  Some of the findings are what you would expect, but this longitudinal study also holds some surprises, even as its participants reach their 90s and beyond. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices