Podcast appearances and mentions of meg john

"Hi Justin my favourite episode of yours and Meg-John's is 'disagreeing with people'. I've listened over 10 times. Despite this I still find myself getting into pointless heated discussions/arguments that leave me very upset specifically about trans issues but could be any marginalised group. This is in person one to one, not online, I don't respond on social media. How can I stop getting drawn in to doing this? I'm wasting my energy, but find certain things people say draw me in I can't help challenging it. I have multiple marginalised/intersectional identities and am gender non conforming but not trans myself. Thanks for all the work you put in to the podcast- its part of my self care." https://megjohnandjustin.com/relationships/disagreeing-with-people/ Why it's pointless You're not engaging in the discussion for the same reason (you might want to change their mind, they might just want to get you riled) People rarely change their mind right there and then Challenging is different from disagreements (How to challenge without locking horns) Who is the subject and who is the object or other? Who is who's mommy / daddy How your role as the other might actually be making things worse? Thoughts on materialism and what disagreements vs challenging does. Do we need to challenge or disagree? What does it do? Why you're getting drawn in Perhaps in some way they are your object or other? You might want to think about times when you haven't been drawn in (eg on social media), what have you done instead. What else might you do or be? Advice on how to just notice when we become conscious through affect/feeling : emotion : thoughts : actions Here's the podcast about Jacob Johannsen's excellent book https://soundcloud.com/culturesexrelationships/jacob-johannsen-fantasy-online-misogyny-and-the-manosphere https://linktr.ee/culturesexrel

I was joined by Greg Wolfman to talk about his excellent book 'Masculinities in the US Hangout Sitcom'. https://www.routledge.com/Masculinities-in-the-US-Hangout-Sitcom/Wolfman/p/book/9781032426211 (it's an academic book, so expensive, but there's a 20% off voucher at the website. Also Routledge sometimes have really huge sales on. They also published Meg-John's Rewriting The Rules. Also, ask your library to get it) After a brief tribute to Matthew Perry / Chandler Bing, we - chatted about whether it was possible for us to enjoy Friends - Greg situated Friends in the socio-political context of neoliberalism, the 90s, and the long 90s (a term by Jeremy Gilbert which is usefully explained in his book with Alex Williams called 'Hegemony Now') - Greg helpfully walked us through the 'chrononormativities' of career, relationships, settling down (and we also chatted about how they show us a glimpse of queerness in the show but always shut it down) - Then we talked about the episodes in series two when Joey moves out and when Joey moves in. What this says about how masculinities are performed, the idea of 'the closeness in the doing', and whether we really are living in a more homosocial era of masculinities. Pivot! - And what does it say about Friends and us that it's still such a popular show? Why isn't there a sitcom for the luxury automated gay acid communism conjuncture? Call it 'Comrades'. Hire Greg as your script consultant!

https://www.ampdentertainment.net/djbiggh

Minter Dialogue with Justin Hancock Justin Hancock, based in England, has been a relationships and sex educator for over 20 years. In that time he has worked with thousands of young people in schools, youth clubs, universities, and advice services. Justin created and still works at bishuk.com which is one of the leading relationships and sex education websites for young people over 14, this site attracts thousands of people per day. Justin provides training courses and RSE resources for teachers. He offers relationships and sex education for an over 18 audience too. He wrote ‘Enjoy Sex (How, when and IF, You Want To)' with Meg-John Barker, with whom he records the ‘Meg-John & Justin' podcast, and most recently published "Can We Talk About Consent, A book about freedom, choices and agreement," published by Frances Lincoln Children's Books in 2021. In this conversation, we look at the state of sex and relationships today, typically among the younger generations, the decline in reported sex, toxic masculinity, #MeToo, the rise of mental health issues, and how to broach consent, especially in a work environment.  If you've got comments or questions you'd like to see answered, send your email or audio file to nminterdial@gmail.com; or you can find the show notes and comment on minterdial.com. If you liked the podcast, please take a moment to go over to Apple Podcasts or your favourite podcast channel, to rate/review the show. Otherwise, you can find me @mdial on Twitter.

Zayna and Jonathan talk to authors Lori-Beth Bisbey, Anita Cassidy and Meg-John Barker about the challenges of writing both fiction and non-fiction that either focuses on or touches on consensual non monogamy. Lori Beth and Meg-John are both therapists. Lori Beth has written fiction, memoir and self-help, recently publishing Dancing the Edge to Reclaiming Your Reality (a guide for survivors of gaslighting and trauma). Meg-John is probably best known for the iconic Rewriting the Rules but has also written a pile of others including Life Isn't Binary, and Gender, a graphic guide. Anita is the author of the novel Appetite and runs the website Alethya, a community for people interested in pursuing conscious relationships.

We love a good ‘both and': both cake and ice cream, both dogs and cats -- Meg-John Barker, who is both extremely clever and very warm and kind! Meg-John is an activist, writer, scholar, therapist, and expert on everything beyond the binary. In this episode, as well as in their multiple graphic guides, MJ explains how rigid binaries harm our bodies, limit our minds and how many benefits life beyond the binary has to offer, not just for genderqueer people but for everyone. Do you need more mental health input and genderqueer content? Let's face it; we all do, and here is where you can get some: @megjohnbarker and @Lena_Mattheis on Twitter, @queerlitpodcast on Instagram.Books and other awesome stuff by Meg-John Barker:https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/ Life Isn't Binary (with Alex Iantaffi)Gender: A Graphic Guide (with Jules Scheele)Queer: A Graphic History (with Jules Scheele)Mad: A Graphic GuideThe Meg-John & Justin Podcasthttps://www.patreon.com/MegJohnBarker People, places and texts mentioned:Lynda BarryJustin HancockJack HalberstamOpen Barbers (London)99% Invisible: On Averagehttps://99percentinvisible.org/episode/on-average/Beth Berila's Contemplative Practices for Ant-Oppression Pedagogybell hooksTorrey PetersJuno RocheCrossing Waves PodcastAlison Bechdel's Fun HomeEllen Forney's MarbelsNicole Georges‘ Calling Dr. LauraMaia Kobabe's Gender Queer: A MemoirBecky ChambersQuestions you might want to reflect on after listening:1.What does ‘non-binary' mean?2.How does binary thinking affect our everyday lives? Can you think of one example from the podcast and one from your own experience?3.How does the (constructed) emotional/rational binary affect learning, teaching and mental health?4.What are your thoughts about the sex/gender divide?5.Which book do you read when you need to feel warm and positive?

An exploration beyond binaries of gender and sexuality, Meg-John talks about intersectionality, inbetweeness, plurality, the pros and cons of labels, the harm in binaries for everyone, whether you fit them or not, how to be a supportive ally to the trans community, why respecting pronouns is important, getting used to "they" as a pronoun  and much more! 

We're back with a Meg-John and Justin episode We chatted about: Why we haven't talked about kink as different to any other erotic / sexual / sensual activity. How common kink is. How kink is still positioned as ‘not normal' despite it being incredibly common. The weight of should stories of what is kink and how kink should be practised (and how this might be an over correction to the messages about kink being not okay). The challenge into tuning into what we want. How do we create our kink subjectivities? Communication and consent. What familiarity with all the terms and knowledge might open up or close down Different meaning and motivations for taking part in kink Different kinds of activities and the different things we might get out of it (and how this can be really different depending on context). The importance of being slow and avoiding pushing people / being aware of being pushed. Solo / partnered. Erotic / nurturing/ power. In the rest of the conversation (on the Patreon feed) we cover: Trauma and how we need to be aware of our own responses as well as others. The possibilities for kink as a way of understanding our traumas (and what needs to be in place for this). Abuse in kink communities and how we navigate risk. Intentionality / co-created. You can support Meg-John's work directly at https://www.patreon.com/MegJohnBarker Their website is https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/ You can see their free books (including their book about trauma) https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/all-free-books/ I also wrote about kink at my website for young people a few weeks ago https://www.bishuk.com/sex/kink/ and also about Rough Sex (after my conversation with Rachel Thompson last week) https://www.bishuk.com/sex/rough-sex/

Meg-John and I did a show about how we might slowly begin to open up again. How we might be able to make it easier for others. The importance of good consensual processes (and how we can pay attention to those). Here's the excellent infographic we talked about https://twitter.com/CounsellingKaz/status/1381200139839225856?s=19 Here's the link to the open letter put together by Decrim Now for the decriminalisation of sex work https://decrimnow.org.uk/open-letter-on-the-nordic-model/ Support Meg-John's Patreon https://www.patreon.com/MegJohnBarker and please sign up to the Culture Sex Relationships Patreon to help support the show https://www.patreon.com/CultureSexRelationships

This has been out and available on the Patreon feed for a few days now, so you've been denied the freshest of takes until now. If you want to hear future episodes early and in full, then please support the Patreon. I was delighted to be joined by Katherine Angel to chat about her latest book Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again. We had to rely on the zoom recording so sorry about the occasional blip in the background. We chatted about the main themes of her book: consent, desire, arousal, and vulnerability. We also chatted a little bit about my book Can We Talk About Consent and compared notes about how a more bottom up approach to understanding sex might be possible. We covered the topic of sexual violence but we didn't go into any detail. It was a really interesting and engrossing chat and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Katherine's book is on sale wherever you get your books. You can also buy direct from the publishers here where it's on sale atm. https://www.versobooks.com/books/3743-tomorrow-sex-will-be-good-again Get yourself a Comrade tote back to carry it in while you're there. You can also get my book from this indie bookshop as well as any others https://uk.bookshop.org/books/can-we-talk-about-consent/9780711256545 We also mentioned my book with Meg-John which is now known as A Practical Guide to Sex https://uk.bookshop.org/books/a-practical-guide-to-sex-finally-helpful-sex-advice/9781785783876 If you want to chat about the show with likeminded listeners (and also support the show) please support the Patreon from just £1 a month and you can access our Discord server. And if you have any questions for an upcoming advice episode do send them to me via here in the direct message option or email to culturesexrelationships at gmail dot com Justin

I was delighted to be joined today to chat with Meg-John and Alex about their excellent new workbook 'Hell Yeah Self Care!' We chatted about: The importance of self care Why people critique self care Self care as political and anti-capitalist Wellbeing giving self-care a bad name Comparing self-care with the network of care we discussed in the Hologram episode The capacity for doing care and self-care is unfairly distributed Trauma and self-care Reflective self care The kindness cradle of slowness, gentleness, being enough, and consent For the full discussion head to our Patreon where you can hear us chat for another 20 mins about: Somatic self-care Coronavirus, lockdowns and self care It’s really excellent so please do buy it and have a go. It’s playful and interesting whilst also being challenging and gentle. You can get it from most bookshops online, but here’s a nice indie queer publisher https://www.queerlit.co.uk/products/hell-yeah-self-care Justin

In this episode, psychosexual and relationship therapist Cate Campbell and son Diggory invite lecturer and writer Meg-John Barker onto the show to talk about the history of attitudes toward sex in the UK, what one learns after reading 60 sex advice books cover to cover and how we're all just a crab in a bucket on the beach...Cate Campbell's blog post on the episode can be found here: https://catecampbell.wordpress.com/?p=352You can get Meg-John's new book Sexuality: A Graphic Guide by visiting their website: https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/The Real Sex Education is a Hat Trick Podcast See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

A new podcast as part of the Meg-John & Justin universe! 'Sex Jams' is where a sex educator and a sex historian discuss songs to do with sex. Justin and Eleanor this week start with George Michael's 'I Want Your Sex'. There is some singing and one of us is clearly better at that than the other. If you want to familiarise yourself with the song first, the full 'monogamy mix' is on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz-EBKHOfWc You're welcome.

Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker interview one another about self-care from a trauma-informed perspective. They talk about what self-care is, why embodiment matters, and how individual and collective trauma impact our capacity to care for ourselves and others. Their new book "Hell Yeah Self-Care!: A Trauma-Informed Workbook" will be published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers in January 2021 (but you can pre-order it now). This talk was given as part of The Embodiment Conference. However, both Alex and Meg-John want to be clear that their participation is not an endorsement of the conference. In fact, they invite you to read the open letter about the conference that Tada Hozumi wrote at: https://medium.com/@tadahozumi/public-letter-to-mark-walsh-and-the-embodiment-conference-ab9319ee4b69 Alex and Meg-John hold their participation in the event with open hands and with as much transparency as possible. Thank you for listening!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/genderstories)

Join us for a multi-faceted and life-affirming conversation with writer, writing mentor and independent scholar Meg-John Barker where we discuss their wide ranging thoughts on gender non-conformity, plurality, consent, ‘anti-self help,’ and participation in queer and other subcultures. Topics we cover include: What it means to write an “anti self-help book” Plurality and trauma The intersections of psychology, gender non-conformity, and relationship structures outside the mainstream The crucial and complicated nature of consent Navigating the contradictions of academia and DIY media production About Meg-John Barker: Meg-John Barker is the author of a number of popular books on sex, gender, and relationships, including Queer: A Graphic History, Gender: A Graphic Guide, How To Understand Your Gender, Life Isn’t Binary, Enjoy Sex (How, When, and IF You Want To), Rewriting the Rules, and The Psychology of Sex. They have also written a number of books for scholars and counsellors on these topics, drawing on their own research and therapeutic practice. Find Meg-John online: On the web: rewriting-the-rules.com, megjohnandjustin.com On Social Media:  Twitter: @megjohnbarker Instagram: @meg_john_barker Facebook: megjohnbarkerwriter YouTube: youtube.com/c/MegJohnBarkerPsych/ Links to relevant resources: Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors book: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22760492-healing-the-fragmented-selves-of-trauma-survivors Plural Selves: https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/plural-work/ The Bisexuality Report: https://www.bimedia.org/bireport/ Life Isn’t Binary: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43818540-life-isn-t-binary Queer: A Graphic History: https://iconbooks.com/ib-title/queer-a-graphic-history/ Gender: A Graphic Guide: https://iconbooks.com/ib-title/gender-a-graphic-guide-2/ Sexuality: A Graphic Guide: https://iconbooks.com/ib-title/sexuality/ Meg-John and Justin podcast: https://megjohnandjustin.com/ https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/self/zones-of-stuck-patterns/ https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/self/plurality-and-trauma-2-practices/ Links to So Many Wings’ social media and website On the web: https://somanywings.org On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/somanywingspodcast On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/somanywingspodcast On Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/join/somanywingspodcast

In this joint episode of Gender Stories and the Meg-John & Justin podcast, Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker continue the conversation with Deana Ayers about abolition. They discuss how abolition needs to be addressed at the cultural, community, and interpersonal levels as well as in the inner work each one us needs to do to make this vision a reality. Deana Ayers is 21 year old Black, nonbinary organizer. They graduated in May 2020 with a Bachelor of Social Work degree from the University of North Texas. As a college student they were involved with student government, reproductive justice organizing, and a push for transformative justice and police abolition. They are currently living in Minneapolis, MN with their girlfriend, where they work as a Political Education Coordinator at an abolitionist organization. You can check out their writing and organizing work at deanajayers.com and follow them on Twitter @deanajayers. Deana's call to action is to support ZACAH's efforts in providing emergency housing to the unsheltered residents of Minneapolis: https://www.zacah.org/minneapolis-sanctuary-emergency-resSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/genderstories)

Sociological review playlist: The Meg-John and Justin desert island discs This time on the podcast we talked about our desert island discs - the songs that we most relate to our Meg-John and Justin project. The prompt for this was that the online journal The Sociological Review asked us to be part of their ‘Music and Sound’ themed month (July 2020) where twelve sociologists provide them with a 'sociological' playlist. Full blog and tracklist at megjohnandjustin.com

In this special joint episode of Gender Stories and the Meg-John & Justin podcast, Meg-John Barker and Alex Iantaffi reflect on how a non-binary approach might influence the way we approach the COVID-19 crisis. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/genderstories)

Joining Charles Adrian for the 130th Second-Hand Book Factory is a slightly coldy Moses Woldetsadik. They talk passionate love, consensual sex and thoughtful kingship. You can find a song by Teddy Afro based on Moses’ first book on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFzHpK7ibfo You can watch a video about Meg-John and Justin’s three handshake model of consent here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awrp7EJGqyc and read more about it here: https://bishtraining.com/three-handshakes-an-activity-for-learning-how-consent-feels/ You can read about King Tewodros II on Wikipedia here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tewodros_II Marked as explicit on iTunes because of discussion of sex. Episode image is a detail from the cover of Enjoy Sex (How, when and IF you want to) A Practical And Inclusive Guide by Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock, published in 2017 by Icon Books Ltd; cover design by Mecob; Image © Shutterstock.com/MariyaF. More info and a link to a transcript of this episode is at http://www.pageonepodcast.com/   Book listing: Fikir Eske Mekabir (Love Unto Crypt) by Hadis Alemayehu (trans. Sisay Ayenew) Enjoy Sex (How, when and IF you want to) A Practical And Inclusive Guide by Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock Stories of King Tewodros told by Moses’ mother

This episode I talk about Meg the Stallion on the podcast for the very first time, 11 year old entrepreneurs, who John Redcorn is and much more. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/theaveryjonespodcast/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/theaveryjonespodcast/support

Een gesprek met Meg-John Barker over het belang van vertragen (of zelfs stilstaan), loslaten en de negatieve gevoelens die we soms ervaren. Dit is Ongehoord. Dé podcast over seksualiteit in al haar verschijningsvormen. Twee keer per maand kan je een nieuwe aflevering beluisteren. De ene keer een interview met een expert en de andere keer deelt iemand diens persoonlijke seksuele levensverhaal, onder de noemer Dicht op de Huid.Over stilstaan en Meg-John BarkerVoor ik iets meer vertel over de geweldige gast in deze podcast een kort bericht van mij, Marije. Dit is voorlopig de laatste Ongehoord podcast. Het gaat momenteel niet zo goed (iets waar ik in het intro meer over vertel) en ik heb besloten om een paar maanden te stoppen met alle werkzaamheden van het Platform voor Seksualiteit. Zo ook de podcast, zij het met pijn in mijn hart. Maar als het goed is ben ik over een paar maanden weer terug met nieuwe afleveringen!Ik had me geen betere gast kunnen wensen voor deze laatste aflevering. Want als er iemand voor mij van invloed geweest is als het gaat over seksualiteit, bewustzijn, vertragen en zorg voor jezelf, dan is het Meg-John Barker. Hen is educator, schrijver, podcastmaker en heel veel meer. Hen schreef een van mijn favoriete boeken over seks: Enjoy Sex en daarnaast ben ik een fan van hun nieuwsbrieven en zines over o.a. consent, bij je gevoel blijven als het zwaar is en plural selves. Ik schreef Meg-John vooraf over mijn huidige staat van zijn en ik vroeg of hen open stond voor een losser gesprek dan dat ik normaal voer. Waarin alles minder voorbereid was en het ook wat meer over persoonlijke dingen kon. Gelukkig was dat het geval en ik ben superblij met resultaat. We hebben het over self-care, over rouw, over consent en over vertragen. Meg-John vertelt onder andere over wat hen geleerd heeft en nog steeds leert van het werk van Pema Chodron. SupportLaat ons weten wat je vond van deze aflevering van Ongehoord! Facebook, mail, message, bel, postduif of geef ons lief een recensie en rating in iTunes! Je kan ons ook steunen via Patreon, jouw bijdrage helpt in het verder verbeteren van Ongehoord! Als je ons steunt via Patreon heb je toegang tot uniek bonusmateriaal. Al onze Ongehoord! gast delen tips over boeken die ze gelezen hebben, interessante oefeningen om te doen of iets anders waar ze enthousiast over zijn.

We chatted a bit about what's been going on for us personally this year. Then we went through some of the podcasts titles we've done this year (both here and on our Patreon)to see whether we have taken our own advice or not. After that we chatted about what we'd like to do with the podcast and our plans for 2020. Here are a couple of our other New Year's Eve related podcasts https://soundcloud.com/megjohnjustin/are-you-struggling-with-new-years-resolutions https://soundcloud.com/megjohnjustin/we-watch-when-harry-met-sally And don't forget that every other podcast is for Patrons. You can subscribe to these from just $1 per month at patreon.com/megjohnandjustin Happy New Year! Meg-John and Justin xxx

  Author and academic Meg-John Barker joins Helen and Marianne to explore what it means to be non binary, the limitations of language when it comes to gender, the importance of education and the impact on our mental health of having to conform to gender stereotypes.   We hope you enjoyed this episode. If you have been affected by any of the topics discussed in our podcast and would like to get in touch, please drop us a line at info@GenderGP.com. You can also contact us on social media, where you will find us at @GenderGP on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. We are always happy to accept ideas for future shows, so if there is something in particular you would like us to discuss, or a specific guest you would love to hear from, let us know. Your feedback is really important to us so if you could take a minute or two to leave us a rating and a review for the podcast on your favourite podcast app, it will help others to discover us. Links: Gender, sexual and relationship diversity (GSRD): Good practice across the counselling professions - BACP https://www.bacp.co.uk/events-and-resources/ethics-and-standards/good-practice-across-the-counselling-professions/gpacp001-gender-sexual-and-relationship-diversity/   Find out more about MJ Barker here: The Meg-John and Justin Podcast: https://megjohnandjustin.com https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com Follow MJ on Twitter: @megjohnbarker   Additional resources: Sexuality and Gender for mental health professionals by Christina Richards and Meg John Barker How to Understand Your Gender: A Practical Guide for Exploring Who You Are by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker Gender queer and non binary genders by Christina Richards, Walter Pierre Bouman, Meg-John Barker Understanding trans health: Discourse, power and possibility by Ruth Pearce Transgender Health: A Practitioner's Guide to Binary and Non-Binary Trans Patient Care by Ben Vincent     The GenderGP Podcast Exploring the Binary with Meg-John Barker – The GenderGP Podcast S4 E2   Hello, this is Dr Helen Webberley. Welcome to our GenderGP Podcast, where we will be discussing some of the issues affecting the trans and non-binary community in the world today, together with my co-host Marianne Oakes, a trans woman herself, and our head of therapy.   Dr. Helen Webberley: Today I am really excited to welcome MJ Barker. Thank you very much for joining Marianne and myself. And as always, I’m going to hand over to you to introduce yourself and tell us a bit about you and your work and your interest in this area. MJ Barker: Absolutely. So yeah. MJ Barker, Meg-John Barker for my professional writing work, and my background is I've been an academic in psychology and sociology. I've also been a therapist for many years and an activist on LGBT matters for a long time. But I've given most of that up recently to become a full-time writer. So the main thing that I do is to write books, self-help books and gender relationships and sex, and also graphic guides comic books about introducing various ideas. So I've written a Queer: A Graphic History and the Follow Up on Gender which is out in November actually.And I've also written the book Life Isn't Binary, so it's taking non-binary thinking about gender and applying it to all kinds of other things, with Alex Iantaffi, my co-author for that. I also to have a podcast on sex and gender and relationships with Justin Hancock, the sex educator. It's theMeg-John and Justin podcast. So we've got plenty of stuff on trans there. And I guess in this area I mean doing a lot of kind of non-binary activism is I can definitely speak to non-binary issues. And then Alex and I in our book How toUnderstand Your Gender, we talk a lot, and then Life Isn't Binary, we talk a lot about breaking down binaries, including kind of a man-woman binary obviously, and gay-straight binary, but also maybe the trans-cis binary,

Meg-John Baker is the author of Gender: A Graphic Guide. They are rewriting the rules on relationships and gender and discussing with the badass women about what we expect from our relationships and gender as well. They explain why we all have a unique relationship with how we perceive our own gender.Meg-John tells the ladies that opening up the conversation around gender allows people to be free whilst feeling represented and have a sense of belonging, and they discuss the rise in hate crime’s against people who stretch the binary and challenge people's limited beliefs. Meg puts this down to a national fear of “otherness”.One of London's most exciting new shops Janet’s List is a concept store which is made up of business created and ran by women of colour, created by Janet Oganah, who wants to bring diversity to the British high-street in a really creative and unique way. The concept store is in London and you can find more information here. For information on all your hosts you can click on their names:Harriet MinterNatalie CampbellEmma Sexton If you want to get in touch you can find us on all the socials under this name: @badasswomenshrAnd for more about the podcast head here: https://www.badasswomenshour.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This time on the podcast Meg-John interviewed Elsie Whittington. Elsie is a researcher at Manchester Met Uni who did her PhD on consent and studies youth sexuality. For the podcast episode Elsie and MJ decided to focus on awkwardness because this was such a big theme in Elsie’s research that it ended up being a whole chapter of her thesis.

This week on Meg-John & Justin we podcasted about when to go to therapy. We covered the signs that therapy might be useful, what to expect from therapy, what it opens up and closes down, and how to engage with therapy once you get there. We’re using ‘therapy’ here to cover therapy, counselling, coaching, and these kinds of related practices where you sit with somebody - usually one-to-one - and talk about your life.

In the fifth Cutting of Season 3, Dave considers different elements of identity. He talks to Scout Pup about furries and puppies, and speaks to Alex Iantaffi about genograms, intergenerational trauma and mind plasticity. The episode features more clips from the Meg-John and Justin podcast, which consider hierarchies of love and relationships. CONTENT NOTE: trauma, holocaust, genocide and intimate partner violence. The Family Tree's Cuttings discuss the real issues raised in the show with special guests from podcasting, journalism, religion and the arts. Find our Guests! Alex Iantaffi: http://www.alexiantaffi.com/ Gender Stories Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/gender-stories/id1353717550 Meg-John and Justin (podcast, book, zines): https://megjohnandjustin.com/ Meg-John Barker (writing, zines):  https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/ Justin Hancock's sex and relationship education for young people: Bish https://www.bishuk.com https://bishtraining.com/ Life Isn't Binary by Meg-John Barker and Alex Iantaffi:  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Life-Isnt-Binary-Beyond-Between/dp/1785924796  

Welcome to the first of two keynote addresses from the 2019 Graphic Medicine conference, the theme of which was, “Queerying Graphic Medicine: Paradigms, Power, and Practice.” Meg-John Barker’s keynote address fits perfectly with this framing of our conference and our work in Graphic Medicine. Meg-John is the author of a number of popular books on sex, gender, and relationships, including Queer: A Graphic History, How to Understand your Gender, Life isn’t Binary, Enjoy Sex (How, When, and IF You Want To), Rewriting the Rules, The Psychology of Sex, and The Secrets of Enduring Love. They have also written a number... Read More

In the fourth Cutting of Season 3, Dave considers different forms of and approaches to therapy; talks to poet, playwright and performer, Tanaka Mhishi about consent, masculinity and recovering from trauma; and plays some clips from the Meg-John and Justin podcast, which consider social and personal scripts, staying with our feelings, and power. CONTENT NOTE: rape, sexual assault, suicidal ideation, mental health issues, racism, violence, trauma The Family Tree's Cuttings discuss the real issues raised in the show with special guests from podcasting, journalism, religion and the arts. Find our Guests! Tanaka Mhishi: https://tanakamhishi.co.uk/ Tanaka's work around sexual violence: https://www.angles.org.uk/profiles/tanaka-mhishi/ The Consent Collective: https://www.consentcollective.com/ Meg-John and Justin (podcast, book, zines): https://megjohnandjustin.com/ Meg-John Barker (writing, zines):  https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/ Justin Hancock's sex and relationship education for young people: Bish https://www.bishuk.com https://bishtraining.com/ Tanaka's episode of Getting Better Acquainted: https://soundcloud.com/gettingbetteracquainted/gba-347-tanaka-mhishi

This week, Hannah chats to author Dr Meg-John Barker about consent cultural, and the difficulties of being consensual in our sex lives and relationships when the whole of cultural is non-consensual. MJ discusses the limited definition of what we see as sex, and the importance of solo sex and knowing our bodies and what we want. They also chat about the pressure we put on romantic love, and how we value this above all other kinds of love. Finally, they talk about communicating with your partner, and how there is no one relationship style that is easier or better than others. Meg-John: https://twitter.com/megjohnbarker

Your pleasure matters. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Welcome to this week's episode, it's a very special treat, but first! Did you know you can support the show? You can, on Patreon. The show is entirely self-funded, so every single dollar makes a huge difference for me. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. This week's bonus is my chat with Adiposivity's founder Substantia Jones for the Explore More Bodies summit. We talk all about her project of photographing fat, naked bodies all around the world. Don't miss it! Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to support the show and get your bonus access. So, for this week's episode, in the spirit of treating myself to a vacation and working as little as possible (thank you to the person who emailed me and said I deserve a break - it felt so great to receive that support), this week's episode is my chat with Meg-John Barker from the very first Explore More Summit. Meg-John is someone I have learned SO much from and I adore their curious, compassionate approach to mental health, gender, love, and relationship. If you haven't checked out their awesome books, including one of my favorites "Rewriting the Rules", you can learn more about them here. In this interview, we talk about the ways we define love and how rigid it is, how we can find new ways to love and be in relationship, the romanticism and idea of The One that sets us up for a ton of distress, more expansive ways to approach happiness and love in our lives, self-criticism and intense emotions, and how we can begin healing and learning ways to navigate it all. Also, that book I mentioned, "Turn This World Inside Out" by Nora Samaran is recently out by AK Press, and you can grab your copy here. I'll be back next week with loads of your questions, so stay tuned! Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Grab the full episode transcript at sexgetsreal.com/ep268 Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

How to make friends: Part 1, why it’s tricky [I reuploaded this episode because the last two minutes were cut off. Sorry about that. Justin] This is a two-parter podcast and blog post about how to make friends. We realise at Meg-John & Justin we often follow a similar structure whatever we’re talking about which goes something like this: This stuff is really hard because wider culture gives us all the wrong messages about it and neoliberal capitalism likes us to individualise all our struggles and think there’s something wrong with us So finding it super tough is 100% understandable and normal and don’t give yourself a hard time Here’s how you might do this thing in a different way to normative culture which could work better Here’s some things to watch out for And by the way remember that it’s super hard and understandable that you don’t find it easy or get it ‘right’ all the time. Go gently with yourself So this podcast goes something like… Part 1 Making friends is really hard because there’s no script for it, representations of friendships make it look like it should be really easy, most of us have very little time to nurture friendships because of work (#capitalism), and we’re taught to prioritise other kinds of relationships (romantic and family) So finding making friends super tough is 100% understandable and normal and don’t give yourself a hard time Part 2 Here’s some ways we could make and develop friendships by tuning into what we’re looking for from friend relationships, and cultivating connections to intentionally and consensually develop them into friendships And by the way remember that it’s super hard and understandable that you don’t find it easy or get it ‘right’ all the time. Go gently with yourself In part 1 we reflected how young and old people are often expected to be able to be friends with everyone of the same age as them - we just put them together and expect them to get on. For adults there’s hardly any script for making and maintaining friendships. We’re meant to prioritise romantic and family relationships over friendships. There’s a sense that friendships should just happen and not require any work which is a problem because they’re not that easy for most people, and not that consensual if we just ‘do’ friendship without ever reflecting on it. There’s also ableism and neurotypical privilege involved in the expectation that everybody will find it easy to engage in social situations, automatically know how to develop friendships, etc. Where wider culture does represent friendship it is in a very idealised way. TV shows from Friends to the Big Bang Theory are based on close, tight friendship groups where people have lots of fun and joy and hang out together. Movies often depict besties and buddies who have easy, close relationships. All this presents a model of what friendships should look like which doesn’t suit everyone (some people prefer multiple one to one friendships to a group, or non-hierarchical friendships, for example), and it continues to make it look like friendship is easy when actually it’s just as complex as any other kind of relationship - with the added challenge of there not being much of script of how to do it: making friends, maintaining friendships, and ending friendships. Everything can be harder still when you have fewer friends to start with - for example if friendship is an area you find difficult, if you’ve just moved where you’re living or working, or if you’ve recently lost some friendships. When it feels like potential friendships are scarce, and/or when you feel low in confidence and scared of rejection, the whole area can become more loaded and fraught. So how can we go about making friends in this tough territory? More on that in Part 2.

This week on the podcast we discussed whether self-care was a relationship responsibility and - if so - how we go about doing it. We started with the fact that self-care is very challenging in our current world. It’s either put forward as quite a banal form of pampering which doesn’t require any self-reflection, or it’s put forward as ‘self-improvement’ which suggests that you need to perfect yourself and give yourself a hard time unless you’re doing all the different forms of self-care on top of everything else. We think of self-care more as Audre Lorde spoke of it - as a political act that’s essential, both for surviving these tough times, and for ensuring that we’re part of the solution not part of the problem. In relation to our close intimate relationships, practising self-care is often seen as selfish. Like it would be better to give all of ourselves to our close people and not need to look after ourselves. We talk about how this approach can lead to burn-out, resentment, and having nothing left to offer. Not self-caring is a bit like keeping going when you have a cold - you risk staying ill for longer and passing on the cold to others. We also talked about the phrase ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ (or is it jug?) Self-care can help us to be more aware of our relationship patterns and to address them, rather than sliding back into them in ways that can hurt you and other people. However, we can use the ideal of self-care in relationships in more negative ways. For example, we may use it to avoid dealing with issues with other people - just withdrawing into ourselves to cope with difficult things that crop up. When the issue is a relational one it’s important to deal with it with the other person rather than avoiding that in order to avoid being around their difficult feelings or our own vulnerability. You can read more about how to do self-care on Justin’s website, and in Meg-John’s zine on the topic, and their recent blog post about identifying relationship patterns.

Please enjoy again:   Sex Spoken Here: Let’s Talk about Gender part 3   Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.   Today I am continuing my series about gender.   Joining me today to continue the discussion is Dr Meg-John Barker. They are a writer, therapist, and activist-academic specialising in sex, gender and relationships. Meg-John is a senior lecturer in psychology at the Open University and a UKCP accredited psychotherapist, and has over a decade of experience researching and publishing on these topics including the popular books Rewriting the Rules, The Secrets of Enduring Love and Queer: A Graphic History.   We started by talking about language and definitions.  Meg-John highlighted that non-binary is the overarching term used now for anyone who doesn’t identify as male or female.  We spoke about how many other terms there are that fall under non-binary including but not limited to: gender queer, gender fluid, demi (boy, girl), trans.  We spoke about how hard it is for people to understand the gender journey and how important it is for everyone to look at this journey as even folks who are happy with the gender assigned at birth go through gender changes throughout the life span.  Meg-John used the example of a woman going on the pill which is taking hormones and a woman who has had breast cancer and her breasts removed as a result having to look at how she expresses her female gender.  They also mentioned men who have larger boobs and choose to do breast reduction or men who take steroids to do body building.   Gender does not stay static through the life span.   We spoke about how hard people find ambivalence and uncertainty and how badly people want to categorise and box people, places and things.  We talked about how much pressure there can be for trans people to make the decision to transition and then do it quickly and that this is unhelpful.  We both feel this comes from the difficulty people have with uncertainty and ambivalence in part.   We talked about how gender is not just socially influenced but that it is biologically influenced as well and that sex is not just biological but can and is socially influenced.    We spoke about Meg-John’s book coming out in the autumn which is about how to figure out issues around your gender.  We noted that having a gender identification outside of male or female seems to upset people more than issues around sexuality, kink and polyamory versus monogamy.   You can find Dr Meg-John Barker at: Website: www.rewriting-the-rules.com. Twitter: @megjohnbarker. All of their books are available on the website.  Check out their podcast: Meg-John and Justin Thanks for joining me for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook..  Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to www.the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now!  I look forward to seeing you next week.      

Here we chat with Alex Iantaffi our mate, who now hosts the wonderful podcast Gender Stories. You can search for this through the usual podcast platforms. He can also be found at http://genderstories.buzzsprout.com/ and on the twitters https://twitter.com/GenderStories and also on the instagrams as GenderStories. It's a long one, but we didn't want to break it up because of plugging references (you'll hear).

In GBA 310 we get better acquainted with CJ and Arlie from The Boy Who Hasn't Lived podcast. The podcast they make is about "one friend forcing the other to read the entire Harry Potter book series for the first time" and after they tell me why they make the show I get into my issues with the Harry Potter books. From there the conversation covers problematic faves, navigating the world, calling out and calling in, dealing with individuals and with systems, looking at the intersections around gender, race and power and how everything is COMPLICATED and that's okay! CJ and Arlie plug: The Boy Who Hasn't Lived: http://www.theboywhohasntlived.com/ Sparrow: http://www.sprrw.co.uk/ Paying CJ to talk to you about gender and race I plug: What About the Men? Mansplaining Masculinity: https://soundcloud.com/standuptragedy/sut-presents-what-about-the-men-mansplaining-maculinity http://mansplainingmasculinity.co.uk/ Down to a sunless sea: memories of my dad: https://medium.com/@goosefat101/down-to-a-sunless-sea-memories-of-my-dad-d1d2d3a61360 The Family Tree: http://thefamilytreepodcast.co.uk/ We mention: Meg John and Justin: https://soundcloud.com/gettingbetteracquainted/gba-308-meg-john-and-justin Podcasters' Support Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/571436979623574/ Helen Zaltzman: http://helenzaltzman.com/ British Podcast Awards: https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/ "Ultimate Fighting Podcast" - actually called Fight Disciples: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/fight-disciples-podcast-boxing-and-ufc/id1082188856?mt=2 Harry Potter: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Potter Buffy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer Worst Witch: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Worst_Witch Charlie Bone: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children_of_the_Red_King Lord of the Rings: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord_of_the_Rings JK Rowling: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._K._Rowling Rowling - Isreal/Palestine: http://www.heraldscotland.com/opinion/13925856.Palestinian_Harry_Potter_fan_has_called_out_JK_Rowling_for_the_SECOND_time/ The Good Immigrant: https://unbound.com/books/the-good-immigrant Riz Ahmed: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Riz_Ahmed Faves are problematic: https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/mvnkpv/brief-look-back-at-your-fave-is-problematic JRR Tolkien: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._R._R._Tolkien Shia LaBeouf: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shia_LaBeouf Joss Whedon: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joss_Whedon Current Issues with Joss: Joss Whedon Is a ‘Hypocrite Preaching Feminist Ideals,’ Ex-Wife Kai Cole Says (Guest Blog) http://www.thewrap.com/joss-whedon-feminist-hypocrite-infidelity-affairs-ex-wife-kai-cole-says/ Longest Shortest Time: https://longestshortesttime.com/ Justin Bieber: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justin_Bieber Dan Savage: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Savage Calling Out/Calling In: https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/03/calling-in-and-calling-out/ Jon Ronson: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Ronson So You've Been Publicly Shamed: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/So_You%27ve_Been_Publicly_Shamed Genderqueer: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer Intent isn't magic: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/camelswithhammers/2013/06/intent-is-not-magic-but-it-still-matters/ Boi: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boi_(slang) Cisgender: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cisgender Non Binary: http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/item/eb39cad3-6170-4141-8b28-757b3579f076 Gender Dysphoria: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_dysphoria Intersectional: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intersectionality TERF: https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Trans-exclusionary_radical_feminism Kimberley Crenshaw: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kimberle_Crenshaw Song By Song: http://www.songbysongpodcast.com/ Help more people get better acquainted. If you like what you hear why not write an iTunes review? Follow @GBApodcast on Twitter. Like Getting Better Acquainted on facebook. Tell your friends. Spread the word!

In GBA 308, we get better acquainted with Meg-John and Justin. They talk about how they came to be sex and relationship educators, approaching sex, relationships and sexuality in an inclusive and non judgmental way, avoiding thinking in binaries and lots more. With references that include Terry Pratchett, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Professional Cycling and Homer Simpson as well as a whole range of academics, activists and theorists, it's a fun and informative conversation. MJ and Justin plug: Enjoy Sex (How, when and if you want to): a practical and inclusive guide: https://www.waterstones.com/book/enjoy-sex-how-when-and-if-you-want-to/meg-john-barker/justin-hancock/9781785780806 Their podcast and other collaborations: http://megjohnandjustin.com/ https://twitter.com/megjohnjustin https://www.facebook.com/megjohnjustin Bish UK: http://www.bishuk.com/ Rewriting the rules . com: http://rewriting-the-rules.com/ How to Understand Your Gender: http://www.jkp.com/uk/how-to-understand-your-gender-2.html I plug: Smut Slam: Sex Education on Wednesday Sept 13th: https://www.facebook.com/events/827737554066972/ What About the Men? Mansplaining Masculinity: https://soundcloud.com/standuptragedy/sut-presents-what-about-the-men-mansplaining-maculinity http://mansplainingmasculinity.co.uk/ The Family Tree: http://thefamilytreepodcast.co.uk/ We mention: Petra Boynton: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/authors/dr-petra-boynton/ Carluccios: https://www.carluccios.com/ Open Barbers: http://openbarbers.co.uk/ Barber Streisand: https://barberstreisand.com/ Roz Gill: https://www.city.ac.uk/people/academics/rosalind-gill Laura Harvey: http://brighton.academia.edu/LauraHarvey Open University: http://www.open.ac.uk/ Simone de Beauvoir: https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simone_de_Beauvoir PUA: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seduction_community Neil Strauss: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Strauss bell hooks: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bell_hooks Toxic Masculinity: http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Toxic_masculinity Young Masculinities: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Young-Masculinities-Understanding-Contemporary-Society/dp/0333779231 Hegemonic masculinities: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hegemonic_masculinity Homer Simpson: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homer_Simpson Charles Bukowski: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Bukowski This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: https://mitpress.mit.edu/books/why-we-cant-have-nice-things Revenge of the Nerds: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revenge_of_the_Nerds Intersectionality: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intersectionality Kimberle Crenshaw: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kimberle_Crenshaw Patricia Hill Collins: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patricia_Hill_Collins Rewriting The Rules:https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rewriting-Rules-Meg-Barker/dp/041551763X Terry Pratchett: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terry_Pratchett Relationship Anarchy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relationship_anarchy Dan Savage: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Savage Joss Whedon: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joss_Whedon Joss Whedon Is a ‘Hypocrite Preaching Feminist Ideals,’ Ex-Wife Kai Cole Says (Guest Blog) http://www.thewrap.com/joss-whedon-feminist-hypocrite-infidelity-affairs-ex-wife-kai-cole-says/ Buffy the Vampire Slayer: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer Gaslighting: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting Complex PTSD: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder Petar Sagan: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Sagan Superstar: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superstar_(Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer) Jonathan Levinson: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Levinson Laverne Cox: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laverne_Cox The Eels: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eels_(band) Help more people get better acquainted. If you like what you hear why not write an iTunes review? Follow @GBApodcast on Twitter. Like Getting Better Acquainted on facebook. Tell your friends. Spread the word!

A recording of a panel discussion involving us and artist Aleksandra Karpowicz at St Barnabas House in London's Soho. We talked about her amazing project 'Let's Talk About Sex'. You can see the images here http://www.akarpowicz.co.uk/?portfolios=lets-talk-about-sex (nude images) and will probably get more out of the podcast if you check them out. Justin and Meg-John also talk about fantasies, roles, sex advice, sex education and stuff.

Sex Spoken Here: Let’s Talk about Gender part 3   Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.   Today I am continuing my series about gender.   Joining me today to continue the discussion is Dr Meg-John Barker. They are a writer, therapist, and activist-academic specialising in sex, gender and relationships. Meg-John is a senior lecturer in psychology at the Open University and a UKCP accredited psychotherapist, and has over a decade of experience researching and publishing on these topics including the popular books Rewriting the Rules, The Secrets of Enduring Love and Queer: A Graphic History.   We started by talking about language and definitions.  Meg-John highlighted that non-binary is the overarching term used now for anyone who doesn’t identify as male or female.  We spoke about how many other terms there are that fall under non-binary including but not limited to: gender queer, gender fluid, demi (boy, girl), trans.  We spoke about how hard it is for people to understand the gender journey and how important it is for everyone to look at this journey as even folks who are happy with the gender assigned at birth go through gender changes throughout the life span.  Meg-John used the example of a woman going on the pill which is taking hormones and a woman who has had breast cancer and her breasts removed as a result having to look at how she expresses her female gender.  They also mentioned men who have larger boobs and choose to do breast reduction or men who take steroids to do body building.   Gender does not stay static through the life span.   We spoke about how hard people find ambivalence and uncertainty and how badly people want to categorise and box people, places and things.  We talked about how much pressure there can be for trans people to make the decision to transition and then do it quickly and that this is unhelpful.  We both feel this comes from the difficulty people have with uncertainty and ambivalence in part.   We talked about how gender is not just socially influenced but that it is biologically influenced as well and that sex is not just biological but can and is socially influenced.    We spoke about Meg-John’s book coming out in the autumn which is about how to figure out issues around your gender.  We noted that having a gender identification outside of male or female seems to upset people more than issues around sexuality, kink and polyamory versus monogamy.   You can find Dr Meg-John Barker at: Website: www.rewriting-the-rules.com. Twitter: @megjohnbarker. All of their books are available on the website.  Check out their podcast: Meg-John and Justin Thanks for joining me for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook..  Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to www.the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now!  I look forward to seeing you next week.      

Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here.  Today we are continuing our discussion about non-monogamy.  Joining me again to explore this is Dr Meg-John Barker is a writer, therapist, and activist-academic specialising in sex, gender and relationships. Meg-John is a senior lecturer in psychology at the Open University and a UKCP accredited psychotherapist, and has over a decade of experience researching and publishing on these topics including the popular books Rewriting the Rules, The Secrets of Enduring Love and Queer: A Graphic History. Website: www.rewriting-the-rules.com. Twitter: @megjohnbarker. Welcome to the show. Today I would love to focus on the practicalities involved in non-monogamy. Let’s start with how you know if non-monogamy is for you?  Meg-John spoke about reading about different types of non-monogamy in Tristan Tamorino’s book Opening Up , reading the classic book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, The Ethical Slut and reading Frankline Veaux and Tatiana Gill’s More than Two. We spoke about taking things slowly and examining your needs and looking at what feels like it will suit your style. Meg-John highlighted the fact that you may not know how things will work for you until you actually try things but we both agreed that the more thought you put into your needs and limits and the more you explored before jumping into a relationship, the more likely you will make a better relationship choice. Meg-John identified metacommunication (talking about the way in which you communicate including what information is shared with your partner) is a skill that is particularly helpful when talking with potential lovers or partners.  We both identified high level communication skills, conflict management skills and assertiveness as essential life skills as well. Meg-John said that some people they know have taken to using a shared google doc to design their relationship including talking about expectations, limits, desires, form of non-monogamy, the way time is spent and even the relationship patterns that you have identified that might not be the best. Meg-John suggested that rather than doing what one does when dating which is present all the shiny pretty things and sometimes pretend there are no more murky parts to the self, in this situation, one is presenting the murky parts up front as part of the whole. We spoke about jealousy and about learning to experience the feeling fully and then sit with it, reflecting to understand where it is coming from and gain insight. Once that insight is gained, perhaps speaking to the person about the jealousy but not in a way that looks for the person to change their behaviour. Meg-John did make the point that just because someone is polyamorous does not mean that they are perfect or nice and that sometimes people act like jerks and then jealousy might be a very appropriate response. We finished up by speaking about how you can go about meeting other polyamorous people. We spoke about using Meetup to find groups, locating groups on Facebook, and that in urban areas people can even look for groups that cover some of their intersectionalities. We noted that in some poly groups a certain type of person can be overwhelmed by requests for dates while other people can find themselves feeling rejected as they might be ignored. We also highlighted that there can be pressure in more sex-positive groups to be poly or non-monogamous as well and that learning assertiveness is also an essential skill to manage these areas. Dr Meg-John Barker’s books mentioned on the program: Enjoy Sex (How, when and if you want to) (with Justin Hancock) Free Zines Twitter @megjohnbarker Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/megjohnbarkerwriter Website: Rewriting the Rules  Thanks for joining me this week for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter @drbisbey.  For a free 30 minute strategy session with me, go to www.the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now!  I look forward to seeing you next week.

Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Today we are beginning our discussion about non-monogamy.  Joining me to explore this is Dr Meg-John Barker is a writer, therapist, and activist-academic specialising in sex, gender and relationships. Meg-John is a senior lecturer in psychology at the Open University and a UKCP accredited psychotherapist, and has over a decade of experience researching and publishing on these topics including the popular books Rewriting the Rules, The Secrets of Enduring Love and Queer: A Graphic History. Welcome to the show. Let’s start with some definitions of non-monogamies.  Meg-John spoke of definitions that run from fully monogamous in the strictest sense which may preclude having friends of the opposite gender through to monogamish in which a couple may say that kissing other people is OK or certain sexual acts are OK  through open relationships where there is sex with others (including swinging, don’t ask don’t tell) through to polyamory where there are multiple romantic partners, mentioning polygamy (1 man multiple wives) and polyandry (1 woman multiple husbands). Meg-John spoke of how many different forms all of these can take and spoke of relationship anarchy where people don’t prioritise any type of relationship and also solo polyamory where someone considers their primary relationship to be with themselves.   Meg-John made the point that relationships are like fingerprints, completely individual and that people can and should construct the relationships that work for them. I note the new research on sexual orientation that sees orientation as flowing over a number of axes instead of just heterosexual to homosexual. How do non-monogamies fit here? Meg-John replied that non-monogamies can be seen as part of the sexuality and sexual orientation spectrum. They spoke about the work of Dr Elisabeth Sheff on polyamory and how many people see non-monogamy as one axis that is part of sexual orientation spectrum and that this can be fluid over the life time. We discussed the statistics in relation to monogamy and non-monogamy and highlighted that if one looks worldwide non-monogamy is more usual and that in the west if one includes non-consensual non-monogamy (like affairs and flings), then non-monogamy is also the norm. Meg-John and I both agreed and repeatedly highlighted that there is no one way to have a relationship and that it is essential that education talk about the many possible ways to be in relationship and highlight that none of them are right or wrong rather a style may be right or wrong for you.  In part two, we talk about some of the practicalities of non-monogamy. You can find Dr Meg-John Barker at: Website: www.rewriting-the-rules.com. Twitter: @megjohnbarker. Thanks for joining me this week for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter @drbisbey. For a free 30 minute strategy session with me, go to www.the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now!  I look forward to seeing you next week for part 2 of this series.