Adoptees Crossing Lines

In this episode of Adoptees Crossing Lines, Zaira sits down with Kat Shahinian-Buffa to explore the layers of secrecy, grief, and reclamation embedded in kinship adoption. From being adopted the day she was born to uncovering that her sister is also her cousin through a DNA test, Kat walks us through her journey of survival, family deception, and international discovery. Together, they dig into the ways adoption alters identity, why even kinship adoption can be deeply harmful, and what it means to raise yourself.In this episode, we cover:(00:20) Kat's adoption story, growing up with five siblings, and being raised by her biological uncle's wife.(06:54) Realizing the burden of being “chosen,” perfectionism, and being othered in her adoptive family.(17:37) How DNA tests blew open family secrets—including discovering her sister is also her cousin.(27:15) Why even kinship adoption isn't inherently safer or healthier—and how it distorts medical history and relationships.(42:10) The long road to healing, mental health support, and raising yourself.Call To Action: Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts. Follow us on social media and Substack for more content and community:Website: adopteescrossinglines.comInstagram: @adopteescrossinglinesBlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.socialTikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines SubstackConnect with Kat Shahinian-Buffa: Instagram: @kadasarus BlueSky: @kadasaurus.bsky.socialWork With Me: Email adopteescrossinglines@gmail.com for brand partnerships and business inquiries.Editing by J. Way (AV Editor) Special thanks to J. Way for editing this podcast. To collaborate with her, email jwayedits@gmail.com.

In this powerful episode, attorney and pro-Black adoptee Aretha Frazier shares her story of being adopted by her aunt in a kinship placement that was far from simple. From navigating family loyalty and control to confronting abuse and the myth of gratitude, Aretha opens up about what it really meant to grow up in a household where blood ties didn't guarantee safety or care. She and Zaira dive deep into the complexities of kinship adoption, family dynamics, and what it means to center adoptees—especially Black adoptees—in every conversation. This is a raw, necessary look at the assumptions we carry about family, care, and who gets to be believed.

In this episode of Adoptees Crossing Lines, Zaira is joined by her editor, cinephile, and dear friend J Way. Together, they dive into how adoption narratives are portrayed in film and television, from tropes like the “grateful orphan” to more realistic depictions of systemic harm. J Way shares their experience as a transracial adoptee, the cultural erasure they endured, and the healing power of chosen family, storytelling, and visual media. This powerful conversation unpacks the surveillance, silence, and saviorism that often surround adoption—and what it means to reclaim your story through art and truth.In this episode, we cover:(00:28) J Way's story: growing up adopted with two sisters in a white household (03:11) Surveillance, culture loss, and being banned from speaking Spanish (05:33) How film became a safe space and helped process adoption trauma (08:49) Media critiques: from Queen's Gambit tropes to Atlanta's searing truths (14:52) Social media, saviorism, and adoption propaganda (31:38) Love beyond biology: Zaira's documentary vision on family policing (37:33) The harm and manipulation of “open” adoptions (47:07) “It's not about blood”: media rhetoric, savior narratives, and erasureCall To Action:Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines on your favorite podcast platform. Follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for deeper content and community.Website: adopteescrossinglines.comInstagram: @adopteescrossinglinesTikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.socialSubstack: Adoptees Crossing Lines SubstackConnect with J Way:TikTok: @its_yagirl_jwayBluesky: @itsjway.bsky.socialWork With Me:Email adopteescrossinglines@gmail.com for brand partnerships, sponsorships, or collaboration inquiries.Editing by J WaySpecial thanks to J Way for editing this episode. To collaborate with her, email jwayedits@gmail.com.

In this solo episode of Adoptees Crossing Lines, Zaira dives deep into the power and necessity of mutual aid. Drawing from personal reflection, historical examples like the Black Panther Party and the Young Lords, and global efforts from Sudan to Florida, this episode highlights how mutual aid has always been about survival. Zaira explores how mutual aid rejects systems of exploitation and centers community care as a form of resistance—especially for marginalized communities continuously neglected by the state.In this episode, we cover: (00:20) What mutual aid is, how it differs from charity, and why it's essential for survival. (05:13) Historical examples of mutual aid in action—from the Black Panther Party to the Young Lords. (12:35) How mutual aid shows up today across the globe and in local communities. (17:36) The call to practice mutual aid in our daily lives and how storytelling is a form of digital resistance.Call To Action: Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:Website: adopteescrossinglines.com Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_ Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines SubstackListen to these episodes next:Community: A powerful solo episode exploring the importance of community for adoptees and system-impacted people—how it's built, sustained, and why it's critical for healing.Work With Me: Email adopteescrossinglines@gmail.com for brand partnerships and business inquiries.Editing by J. Way (AV Editor)Special thanks to J. Way for editing the podcast. To collaborate with her, email her at jwayedits@gmail.com.

Adoptee Storytelling & Film AdvocacyIn this episode of Adoptees Crossing Lines, Zaira sits down with Alexandra, a British and American domestic transracial adoptee who grew up in her birth country of Hong Kong. Alexandra is the festival director of the Adoptee Film Fest, a global in-person and online film festival amplifying adoptee-centered films by adoptee filmmakers. They discuss her journey of navigating identity, community, and storytelling, and how the Adoptee Film Fest came to be. Alexandra shares her experience of growing up in a segregated society, her birth search, and the importance of creating adoptee-centered spaces in media.In this episode, we cover:(00:20) Introduction to Alexandra and her background as a British and American domestic transracial adoptee. (03:13) The impact of growing up in Hong Kong and navigating identity in a segregated society. (10:19) Alexandra's birth search journey and the challenges of finding community and validation. (20:27) The inception of the Adoptee Film Fest and its importance for the adoptee community. (27:37) The role of storytelling and community building through film. (38:03) Alexandra's reflections on adoptee representation in media and future plans for the Adoptee Film Fest.Call To Action:Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:Website: adopteescrossinglines.com Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_ Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines SubstackWork With Me:Email adopteescrossinglines@gmail.com for brand partnerships and business inquiries.Editing by J. Way (AV Editor) Special thanks to J. Way for editing the podcast. To collaborate with her, email her at jwayedits@gmail.com.

Root Work and Resilience: The Fight for Black FamiliesIn this episode of Adoptees Crossing Lines, Zaira sits down with Tamara and Tracey Robertson, sisters, healers, and advocates serving as Healers in Residence with Movement for Family Power. Together, they discuss their journey of resisting the harms of the family policing system, while centering Black birth traditions, ancestral wisdom, and community healing. From childhood foundations of faith and service to their powerful doula work, this conversation is a testament to the resilience and power of Black families protecting their own.In this episode, we cover:(03:03) What led Tamara and Tracey to do the healing work they do today.(07:41) Their introduction to the family policing system and how it fueled their advocacy.(16:02) Tamara's story of caring for her brother and keeping him out of the system.(22:04) Doula work and challenges Black families face during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum care.(32:10) The erasure of Black birth traditions and the need for advocacy in hospital settings.(39:32) What it means to be a Healer in Residence with Movement for Family Power and disrupting the family policing system through love and community.Call To Action:Subscribe to Adoptees Crossing Lines wherever you listen to podcasts, follow us on social media, and subscribe to our Substack for more content and community:Website: adopteescrossinglines.comInstagram: @adopteescrossinglinesBlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.socialTikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines SubstackConnect with Tamara Robertson:Instagram: @queeeentamEmail: healer@movementforfamilypower.orgMovement for Family Power: movementforfamilypower.orgListen to these episodes next:Alan's Episode: An insightful conversation with Alan, an abolitionist and advocate deeply rooted in efforts to dismantle the family policing system. Alan shares their journey of understanding the harmful impacts of the system, their personal experiences, and their vision for transformative change.Dorothy Roberts' Episode: A powerful interview with Dorothy Roberts, acclaimed scholar and author of Torn Apart. Dorothy discusses the historical and present-day harms of the family policing system, offering a compelling argument for abolition and highlighting how systemic racism continues to harm Black families.Work With Me:Email adopteescrossinglines@gmail.com for brand partnerships and business inquiries.Editing by J. Way (AV Editor)Special thanks to J. Way for editing the podcast. To collaborate with her, email her at jwayedits@gmail.com.

In this episode, we explore the complexities of adoption, privilege, and the narratives that shape our understanding of family. Through personal stories and critical reflections, we unpack the ways in which adoption is often framed as an unquestionable good while overlooking the systemic issues at play. We discuss the intersection of race, class, and power in adoption, the impact on adoptees, and the importance of centering their voices. This conversation challenges dominant narratives and invites listeners to consider the broader implications of adoption beyond individual experiences.

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Send us a Text Message.Keshia The child welfare system is waging war on Black families, and Keshia Adeniyi-Dorsey is on the front lines. In this episode, she shares her journey from foster child to family defender, exposing the racist roots of CPS and the urgent need for change.Keisha breaks down her tactics for protecting families during CPS investigations, from refusing home entry to shutting down fishing expeditions. Her success rates are fantastic: 95.8% of parental rights protected and 93.7% of families reunified."We already know, and we've already done in the past, like, right? Like, took care of ourselves, we took care of everybody else's kids too, right? We don't need the system to do it." What we discussed (00:23) Meet Keshia Adeniyi-Dorsey(01:37) Adoptions and Safe Families Act(06:08) Reality of CPS investigations(12:17) Protecting families during CPS investigations(17:11) Reuniting 93.7% of families (23:46) Challenges of advocating for families OR Dealing with incompetence(28:56) We don't need police for that OR The color of the system OR  Black families don't need CPS OR We don't need help OR Not everyone needs help(35:33) Affording counsel (43:39) Truth to powerLinksConnect with Keshia: Website | LinkedInFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

Send us a Text Message.BenjaminWords matter. Especially when it comes to adoption. Benjamin Lundberg Torres Sanchez isn't just "adopted" - they were separated from their first family for 28 years.In this episode, we unpack how the language we use shapes our understanding of adoption. Benjamin shares their journey of rejecting industry terminology and embracing more accurate descriptions of their experience.We discuss how this shift in language opens up new possibilities for solidarity and political action."I think it's just really important to name what happened to us."What we discussed (00:22) Who is Benjamin Lundberg Torres Sanchez?(01:41) Conceived in violence(04:58) Adoption day(07:23) Good experiences but still angry OR Good vs. bad adoptions(10:10) Learning to think critically about adoption OR Language of adoption(14:35) Being hungry for community OR Availability of light skinned children(18:56) Not only focusing on adoptees OR Adoptees are not alone (26:46) Organized abandonment (28:30) We Are Holding This Magazine(37:46) Intersectionality vs. isolation(44:12) Finding alternative power brokers OR Finding power brokers (48:14) Get curious (51:32) Support BenjaminLinksWe Are Holding This MagazineBenjamin's websiteFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok

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Emily's Journey: Identity, Language Learning, and Adoption RealitiesAfter 9 months of living with monks, Emily Harris was adopted from China. She was left behind by her bio family due to the One Child Policy. To process her loss of identity, she has started to learn Chinese with a community of adoptees.   In this episode, she talks about how language learning helps, why she wishes she was white, and the hardships of being a Chinese adoptee in the US.What we discussed (00:24) Getting adopted from China(07:18) Pandemic racism (09:29) Processing identity loss through language learning(11:24) Not wanting to share the language with non-adoptees(15:10) Belonging nowhere (20:58) One child policy(23:43) Distance created by religion (27:02) Reckoning with being chinese OR “I want to be white”(31:40) The note her birth family left her(35:22) For adoptees learning their bio language…(38:23) Connect with EmilyLinksLanguage Travel Adoptee on YouTubeLanguage Wellness and Identity PodcastConnect with Emily Harris: Instagram | TwitterFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

LinaThough Lina Vanegas was born to a Colombian family, she was forced to assimilate as a white jewish person. 38 years later, she's unable to fully connect with her bio family nor speak their language. Forced assimilation is trauma. Her mission is to educate people on adoption trauma. In the episode, she gives a crash course on why adoption is trauma, what to do if you want to adopt in a trauma-informed way, and how to go down the rabbit hole of being adoption-trauma informed. What we discussed (00:32) Can you make up for 38 years of loss?(05:08) Forced assimilation in childhood (07:11) Can't speak my own language (09:14) Rescripting the narrative (10:31) If you're thinking of adopting, do THIS.(20:05) Why she's educating the public (24:42) Adoption is preventable trauma OR Mental health and adoption(28:07) Suicide among adoptees OR Why is adoption trauma? [EXPLAINED] (31:57) Intervention for adoptees (38:07) Finding an adoption-competent therapist [HOW-TO](42:00) Educate yourself(43:50) Connect with Lina VanegasLinksRescripting The Narrative PodcastAdopted From Colombia Facebook GroupDorothy Roberts researcherThe Child Catchers by Katherine JoyceConnect with Lina Vanegas: Instagram | Twitter Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

Reclaiming Identity: Dr. Amy Ritterbusch on International Adoption & AbolitionDr. Amy Ritterbusch was stolen from Colombia as a child and forced to live in the United States with her adoptive family. Foreign land, foreign people, foreign language. But, her longing for where she came from and who she came from never died. She spent the rest of her life trying to find her way back home. In this episode, we discuss international adoption and less violent alternatives to it. We talk about the complicitness of the state in imposing this violence and how guilt is weaponized to catalyze international adoption. Dr. Amy Ritterbusch is an Assistant Professor of Social Welfare at UCLA Luskin School of Public Affairs“So instead of criminalizing mothers in need, how do we create support systems so that decisions are not imposed? Rather folks can, can sort of make decisions in, in situations of care and not in situations of repression or violence.”Dr. Amy RitterbuschWhat I shared(00:38) Stolen from Colombia as a child(03:52) Healing through work(06:25) Meeting her biological mom (under supervision of the state)(13:34) State violence and adoption(19:38) Always an outsider, belonging nowhere OR Forced presence (24:22) Building systems that repair harm (28:17) Alternatives to international adoption(33:24) Finding and mourning where you came from (36:51) Connect with Dr. Amy LinksConnect with Dr. Amy: Amy Ritterbusch | Latino Policy & Politics Institute (ucla.edu)Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

Navigating Holidays as an Adoptee: Exploring Complex Emotions & Self CareFor adoptees, holidays mean performance. Acting like you care, acting like you're happy, acting like you're grateful. And if you don't perform, then you live in guilt. It's ironic, because adoption itself is an act. Join us as we explore this and discuss what holidays are like for us adoptees. What we discussed (00:38) Father's day for adoptees (08:01) Mother's day for adoptees(11:15) Creating your own holiday traditions (13:46) Thanksgiving and christmas for adoptees (16:38) Always in debt(18:29) “Performing” Christmas (20:14) Ruining the vibe (21:00) Not invited(24:46) Doing your own thing(25:39) Birthdays for adoptees(29:47) The most f*cked up holiday OR Gotcha Day (33:37) Advice to adoptive families about holidays OR Question for adoptive families OR What every adoptive family must answerLinksFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

Adoptee Origin Story: Ayomide BeeIs Adoption Human Trafficking? With Ayomide BeeSelling children is human trafficking, so why isn't adoption considered human trafficking? It's state-sanctioned trafficking with a paper trail. Ayomide Bee shares her adoption story as a queer transracial adoptee. Her take is not only that same-sex couples shouldn't adopt - but that adoption should be abolished. Listen to her origin story & views. “Just because it's legal doesn't mean that it's not trafficking. Slavery was legal. The residential homes were legal. Legality doesn't mean a goddamn thing.” - Ayomide BeeWhat We Discussed(00:31) Story of Ayomide Bee(02:32) Always being the topic of conversation OR Knowing yourself by how people talk about you OR Our story = other people's stories of us?(04:23) Coming out of the fog OR Finding wonky stuff in the adoption paperwork (05:22) Being forced into adoption (08:07) Decision to go no contact(12:13) How she wants her adoptive parents to take accountability(14:15) Should same-sex couples adopt? (19:58) Is adoption human trafficking? (25:24) Adoption alternatives (28:48) Relationship w/bio grandma (who suggested adoption) OR Anger toward grandma (37:19) What does abolishing adoption look like?(40:30) Connecting with Ayomide LinksConnect With Ayomide: Instagram | Substack Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

Activism For Adoptees With Erica BabinoWhat's it like to be an activist for adoptees? What's the story of someone who is an adoptees activist? How would you feel if you discovered that your bio mom lives on your street, after you've been searching for her for 25 years? This week, we speak to Erica Babino a Black same race adoptee who is a former American Adoption Congress Board Member. We discuss if it's possible to ever separate your identity from being adopted, adoption myths, and how to normalize anti-adoption.  What We Discussed(00:31) An adoptees' rights activist, Erica Babino(01:08) Her origin story OR 25 years of searching (04:04) Do you ever stop feeling adopted?(06:36) The moment she met her bio mom OR First bio meeting = no tears, no hugs?(09:32) Do good adoption families also cause trauma? (13:12) Most important thing adoptive parents must do (14:43) Experience as an American Adoption Congress board member(19:01) Right to a birth certificate (21:18) How to be an adoptees activist(24:10) Going through reunion OR Can't prepare for reunion (26:30) Best advice for birth families  LinksAdoptees United American Adoption Congress Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

Adoptee Origin Story: Dr. NoelleTwo white people raised me, an African American child. I'm Dr. Noelle and this is the secret-filled story of my adoption after being an orphan in Texas.What we discussed (00:00) Cosplaying as adoptees?(01:35) The stories I was told(05:30) My abusive adoptive mother (06:15) Taking a DNA test to find my family(09:42) They didn't know I existed (15:39) Whole for the first time in my life(17:03) My bio mom's origin story (21:35) Uncomfortable being mothered(26:43) What would've been…LinksFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

Navigating Adoption and Rediscovering Family: Lia's JourneyI'm Lia and this is my adoptee origin story from foster care to reuniting with my siblings. What I shared(01:02) What I was told about my bio parents(02:18) What actually happened (04:59) My adoptive parents (05:34) My birth father's side of the story(06:36) My access to adoption information(10:04) Accessing my biological family name(12:33) Meeting my siblings (19:49) Aspirations for biological relationships(21:47) What I tell people about my background(25:21) What's medical foster care?(26:35) Death of my foster mom (Ms. Loretta) & my bio momLinksLia's LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/liaepps Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

Exploring the Impact of Adoption on Mental Health: Insights from AdopteesWhy adoptees are more likely to attempt suicide  Trigger Warning: Suicide, Suicidal ideation, Involuntary hospitalizationAdoptees are 4x more likely to commit suicide, in this episode we unpack why that is. Being an adoptee is a lifelong sentence, we have to cosplay as someone else's child, we belong almost nowhere - and on top of all that, we invest emotional labor educating therapists about our mental health. Throughout the episode, we answer questions you've asked us on Twitter about adoptee mental health.  “To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time.” - James BaldwinWhat we discussed (00:00) Content Warning(00:47) Should the state fund adoptee therapy?(02:21) Cosplaying as someone else's child(07:40) Why adoptees struggle with mental health(11:31) Why holidays suck for us(13:23) Does sharing our experiences help? (19:26) The anger inside of us(24:07) Finding an adoptee-competent therapist OR Finding a therapist that understands adoption OR Finding a therapist you don't have to teach(29:10) What works (other than therapy)? (32:57) Societal gaslighting against adopteesLinksFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokLearn more about LiaAdoptee Therapists: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/ CreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

Adoptees as parentsParenting as an adoptee What's it like when you're adopted and then become a parent? We discuss the unexpected joys and reliefs of parenting, the mistakes we were almost programmed to make, how parenting can heal us, how to tell your children you're adopted, and being careful about not placing a burden on our children that they aren't equipped to carry. PS: If it isn't clear yet, we would never put our children up for adoption. What we discussed (00:00) How being an adoptee affects the way you parent OR Adoptee parenting patterns(05:46) Being a helicopter mom(07:16) “No way I was putting my child up for adoption”(08:47) Late discovery adoptees (11:29) Telling your kids you're adopted (16:34) Are adoptees better parents?(20:51) Disadvantages of being an adopted parent OR Biggest regret as an adopted parent(25:57) Parenting and healing (31:15) Greatest joy of parenting (33:55) Advice for adoptive parents(35:31) Legacy LinksFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokLearn more about LiaCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

Adoptees & Identity For all our lives, our identities as adoptees have been stripped away from us. Our names changed, our blackness erased, and our birth certificates stolen. This episode we break down the ugly reality of having a fluid identity. Adoption is about stripping us of our decision-making autonomy, so this episode is a call for us to reclaim our identity in a way that we decide makes sense. What we discussed (00:00) What is identity, to us? (02:30) How our identity changed when we found out we're adopted OR Finding out we're adopted and our identity OR Discovering you're adopted(11:09) Am I black? White? Latino? (erasing blackness) (13:37) Am I an only child? Oldest child? Middle child?(17:07) Choosing an identity vs. how other people identify us (22:51) Doing a DNA test as an adoptee (28:46) “my adoptive mom's dad assaulted me” OR CW: Sexual assault and gaslighting (35:16) Changing names as adoptees (& internalizing anti-blackness)(39:23) Not owning a birth certificate(42:59) “I have no clue who I am”LinksFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokLearn more about LiaCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

Blackness and adoptionAdoption taught us anti-blacknessBeing adopted makes us an “other” whether we were raised by white, black, or brown families. In this episode we talk about unlearning the anti-blackness we internalized as children, why black adoptees cost less than white adoptees, the parallels between adoption and slavery, and our experiences growing up as black adoptees. What we discussed (00:00) “I couldn't have been blacker” (raised by a white family)(03:52) Cost of black child vs. cost of white child (11:15) No idea how to raise a black child OR Internalizing racism as a black adopted child(17:59) True cost of hating our blackness (19:45) Did we know other adoptees as children? (26:30) Adoption and slavery (similarities) (32:17) Our experience as black adopteesLinksFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokLearn more about LiaCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

An open letter to the people who bought meYesterday I decided to text my adoptive parents that they failed me as parents, it was the first time I ever confronted them. I talk about how they responded in this episode and open up about being sexually assaulted as a child…then gaslighted. This was never my burden to carry, but they always blamed me. They used religion as a guise to avoid responsibility. Instead of risking the possibility of ruining their image, they chose to definitely ruin my life. This episode is an open letter to my adoptive parents, the people who bought me. “Shame dies when we tell our story”What we discussed (00:00) What happened yesterday OR What I texted my adoptive parents OR Telling my adoptive parents they failed me(01:52) No one believed I was sexually assaulted OR Being sexually assaulted was MY fault???! (06:45) They were EDUCATORS (08:06) Should child protective services be abolished? OR Abolishing child protective services? OR Why I'm an abolitionist (09:42) Olivia Atkocaitis' story (11:02) How the police failed me before I was born OR The police system is not broken. (14:22) My parents were cowards OR I'm relieved he died (17:38) Standing up to my parents for the first time (20:15) How they responded(25:36) Why I sent the text(28:39) Own your story LinksOlivia Atkocaitis' Story on NBC Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokLearn more about LiaCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

Most challenging parts of friendship and dating for adoptees Why friendship and dating are so hard for adoptees  What friends and partners don't understand about adoptees As adoptees, we never want to rock the boat in any relationship we're in be it with friends, family, or partners. The fear of abandonment is always lingering, and never an afterthought. So, what does that do to our minds? How does it affect our ability to bond? What do we need from our friends and partners? Should our partners meet our families? If yes, which family?! We share how we've tackled these disorienting questions in our lives as 3 adoptees. What we discussed (00:00) Dating as an adoptee OR Do you tell your partner you're adopted?(03:59) Partners meeting the family OR Meeting the family: which family would they meet?(06:12) Educating partners about adoptee life(10:06) How does adoption affect friendships?(14:43) Are adoptees people pleasers OR Adoption and people-pleasing OR Standing up for yourself as an adoptee (people pleasing) (20:14) Protecting our parents' “image”(27:48) Most challenging aspects of relationships for adoptees OR Hardest thing about relationships for adoptees(29:05) Advice for partners of adoptees LinksFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokLearn more about LiaCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com 

The fact that there are more rigorous mental health requirements for people who want to do weight loss surgeries than there are for adoptive parents is a shame. Adoptive parents think they've done us a huge favor and “saved” our lives, that without them we'd be worse off - that's the lie the whole industry is built on. Holding up that lie is racism, colonialism, and narcissism. The adoption industry thrives on centering the role of adoptive parents as saviors…so we pick that lie apart and reflect on why infertility is not a good enough reason to qualify for adoption. What we discussed (00:00) What is adoption saviorism?(05:02) Racism and colonialism in adoption (09:57) Adoptive home = good; biological home = bad OR BIGGEST myth of the adoption industry(13:05) Who is “entitled” to adopt?(16:33) Infertility is NOT a reason to adopt (19:31) Mental health checks for adoptive parents(21:09) The lie of selflessness  OR Power dynamics of saviorism LinksFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com Learn more about Lia

Ungrateful Adoptees No, I'm not grateful you adopted me. Why would I be grateful for family separation? Why would I be grateful for being lied to about where I came from? Why would I be grateful for solving their infertility issues? It's adoptive parents that should be grateful to have us, not the other way around. This episode is all about rejecting the tone-dead narrative of gratefulness in adoption. We poke at all the layers of gratefulness and ungratefulness that we have to deal with behind the scenes as adoptees. What we discussed (00:00) We're not grateful for being adopted: here's why(04:18) Adoption is a business OR We are anti-family separation(06:00) Adoption sites/groups AREN'T our friend OR Adoption twitter is not a safe space (08:54) Abused by adoptive family OR Abusive adoptive families(12:40) The “better life” myth in adoption OR “I would have been better off with my biological family” (14:59) Why child protective services is broken(17:24) Gratefulness and reunification (19:19) Not grateful for being lied to as an adoptee (24:49) Robbing us of our birth right LinksPeer Support Space (Support Group - Adult Survivors of the Child Welfare System)Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or email him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com Learn more about Lia

The Complexities of Reunion: Exploring Adoptees' Emotional JourneyFamily reunification for adoptees: our journeys, challenges and adviceOur family reunification stories (as adoptees) Scouring through facebook, twitter, and adoption boards to find your biological family is a heavy journey. There are so many risks: what if they reject us again? What if they abandon us again? What if our adoptive parents feel offended? Not to mention, we're going to have to build relationships with our biological family from the ground up. Reunion is different for every adoptee. Through sharing our own reunification stories, we give you tips on how to reunite with your biological family, what expectations to manage, whether your biological family should meet your adoptive family, and how reunification interrupts lives other than your own.What we discussed (00:00) Family reunification is different for every adoptee(02:42) Our family reunion experiences and expectations (17:06) Runification =  Interrupting lives (21:54) Challenges of family reunification OR Hardest parts of family reunification(29:06) Next steps in our reunion journeys (32:44) Tips for starting your family reunion journey LinksPeer Support Space (Support Group - Adult Survivors of the Child Welfare System)Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com Learn more about Lia

Exploring Adoption and Grief: Untangling the Emotional Journeys of AdopteesCoping with grief as an adoptee They change our name, our identity is erased. They don't change it, we feel like outsiders. As adoptees, we don't belong to any family…neither our adoptive family or biological family really gets us. In this episode, we talk about the many ways grief shows up for adoptees and talk about tools of coping with adoption including finding a trauma therapist who understands adoption, joining support groups, and writing dark poetry. “I don't want this adoption stigma to carry me forever”What we discussed (00:00) Changing names after adoption (04:13) Ways adoptees experience grief (09:35) TW: Adoptees and suicide OR Why adoption is trauma OR Finding adoption-competent therapists (the struggle is real) (16:08) Secrecy and adoption(21:03) “He chose not to raise me”(24:08) Coping with adoption trauma (besides therapy) OR Other ways to cope with adoption trauma (besides therapy)(28:52) It's ok not be ok, adoptees.LinksPeer Support Space (Support Group - Adult Survivors of the Child Welfare System)Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokCreditsSpecial thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com Learn more about Lia

NOT a feel good podcast about being adopted We're the not-so-feel-good show about adoption (coming out of the fog)We are 3 people with 3 very different experiences of being adopted. In this podcast we deconstruct the romanticism holding up the adoption industry and expose the lies, abuse, and pain that get silenced. We're here to unwrap the shiny bow around adoption and speak our truths as adoptees. In doing so, we explain what it means and what it feels like to “come out of the fog”. WARNING: This is NOT a feel good podcast about adoption. A little bit about our adoption backgrounds: Lia: black, same race, domestic adoptee, not adopted at birth, also entered the foster systemDr. Noelle:  transracial adoptee (black american adopted by a white family), adoptive parents divorcedTosha: same race,  african american, domestic adoptee, the only one of her siblings that got adopted What we discussed (00:00) Not-so-feel-good show about adoption(02:38) Our 3 adoption backgrounds (07:24) Coming out of the fog: what it means for adoptees OR Adoption: expectation vs. reality(10:31) Favoring their biological child (12:57) “They purchased me, I had to be perfect”(15:16) Misconceptions about adoptees OR No, not all adoptees are orphans OR Myths about adoptees OR Capitalism and adoption(19:55) Is it possible to bond with your adoptive parents? OR Adoptive parents: is bonding possible?(25:28) What's this show about? Who is it for?LinksFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokLearn more about Lia

No, adoption isn't magical. No, I'm not grateful for being adopted. Yes, being adopted is painful Yes, adoption is trauma This is the not-so-feel-good podcast where we reflect deeply on our experiences being adoptees and expose the pains inflicted by the adoption industry one episode at a time. LinksFollow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | TiktokLearn more about Lia