Cheaper Than Therapy with Vanessa and Dené

If you have ever felt fear in your body and then immediately made that fear mean something bad about you, this episode is for you. Vanessa explores fear not as something to conquer, transcend, or shame, but as something ancient, intelligent, protective, and deeply human. Through polyvagal theory, Buddhist psychology, the teaching of the first and second arrow, RAIN practice, and self-compassion, we look at what changes when we stop treating fear like the enemy. Healing is not becoming fearless; it is becoming less afraid of fear itself, so you can stay with yourself when it arrives.Reference Links:Stephen Porges — Polyvagal TheoryUse for: Polyvagal theory, autonomic regulation, and the nervous system's safety/danger responses.Link: https://www.stephenporges.com/Note: Stephen Porges developed polyvagal theory, which is referenced in the episode to explain why fear often arises before conscious thought can intervene.Polyvagal Institute — What Is Polyvagal Theory?Use for: Accessible overview of polyvagal theory and autonomic regulation.Link: https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheoryNote: Helpful general explainer for producers/listeners who want a basic overview.Neuroception — Stephen Porges / Polyvagal TheoryUse for: Neuroception as the nervous system's subconscious detection of safety and threat.Link: https://www.stephenporges.com/Note: Use alongside Porges's work. If referencing neuroception specifically, describe it as the nervous system's below-conscious scanning for cues of safety or danger.Buddhist Teaching — The First and Second ArrowUse for: The teaching that pain may be unavoidable, but the suffering we add on top of pain can compound it.Link: https://blog.tarabrach.com/2017/08/the-wisdom-of-its-not-my-fault-finding.htmlNote: Tara Brach explains the first and second arrow in accessible language. In this episode, fear is the first arrow; shame about fear is often the second.Tara Brach — RAIN PracticeUse for: RAIN: Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture.Link: https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/Note: Tara Brach describes RAIN as a mindfulness and compassion practice for working with difficult emotions.Jon Kabat-Zinn — MindfulnessUse for: Mindfulness as present-moment, nonjudgmental awareness.Link: https://www.mindful.org/jon-kabat-zinn-defining-mindfulness/Note: Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness as awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, nonjudgmentally.Jon Kabat-Zinn — Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)Use for: MBSR as an 8-week mindfulness-based program developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3336928/Note: This source identifies MBSR as developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn in 1979 and describes its use of mindfulness meditation to alleviate suffering.Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)Use for: MBCT as a mindfulness-based approach developed for relapse prevention in recurrent depression.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2834575/Note: This article discusses MBCT and its evidence base, including reduced relapse rates in recurrent depression.MBCT — Segal, Williams, and TeasdaleUse for: MBCT's development by Zindel Segal, Mark Williams, and John Teasdale.Link: https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/docs/default-source/members/sigs/spirituality-spsig/resources/spirituality-special-interest-group-publications-mark-williams-mindfulness-based-cognitive-therapy.pdfNote: This PDF discusses MBCT's development and its use in preventing relapse and recurrence of depression.Rollo May — The Meaning of AnxietyUse for: Distinction between fear and anxiety; anxiety as a threat to something essential to the self.Link: https://open.baypath.edu/psy321book/chapter/c25p2/Note: This source quotes May's definition of anxiety as apprehension triggered by a threat to a value the individual holds essential to their existence as a personality.Dan Siegel — Window of ToleranceUse for: Window of tolerance as the zone where a person can process experience without becoming overwhelmed or shut down.Link: https://www.nicabm.com/trauma-how-to-help-your-clients-understand-their-window-of-tolerance/Note: This is a practical clinical explainer of Siegel's window of tolerance concept.Affect Labeling — Naming Emotions and Amygdala ActivityUse for: Research on how naming an emotion can reduce emotional reactivity.Link: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17576282/Note: Lieberman et al. found that affect labeling may diminish emotional reactivity through prefrontal-amygdala pathways.Affect Labeling and ReappraisalUse for: Additional research support that affect labeling is associated with decreased amygdala activity and reduced self-reported distress.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3970015/Note: Useful follow-up source for the episode's point that naming fear can help interrupt total identification with fear.Jack Kornfield — Turning Toward Fear with CompassionUse for: Buddhist psychology, compassion, and turning toward difficult experience rather than abandoning ourselves.Link: https://jackkornfield.com/fear/Note: Use for the episode's discussion of meeting fear with presence and compassion rather than exile.Bodhisattva VowUse for: “All beings” as a compassion frame, including the frightened parts of ourselves.Link: https://tricycle.org/magazine/bodhisattva-vow/Note: Use gently and broadly. This supports the episode's point that compassion includes the frightened one inside us, not just others.Kristin Neff — Self-CompassionUse for: Self-compassion as self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.Link: https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/Note: Supports the episode's discussion of bringing fear back into the circle of care rather than shaming it.Kristin Neff — Fierce Self-CompassionUse for: Fierce self-compassion as a boundary-setting, protective form of compassion.Link: https://self-compassion.org/blog/what-is-fierce-self-compassion/Note: Supports the distinction between tender self-compassion and fierce self-compassion.For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Betrayal doesn't only break trust in another person; it can also rupture your trust in yourself. In this episode, Vanessa explores why betrayal can feel so psychologically disorganizing, especially when harm comes from someone or something that was supposed to feel safe. We talk about betrayal trauma, betrayal blindness, attachment injury, projection, reality testing, and why not every devastating feeling is the same kind of event. The deeper healing is not becoming harder or more armored, but learning how to grieve specifically, see more clearly, and trust yourself again.Reference Links: Jennifer Freyd — Betrayal Trauma TheoryUse for: Betrayal trauma theory; harm from someone or something a person depends on or trusts.Link: https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineBT.htmlNote: Freyd's site defines betrayal trauma and includes betrayal blindness.Jennifer Freyd — Betrayal BlindnessUse for: Why people may not fully register betrayal when they depend on the person, institution, or system doing harm.Link: https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineBT.htmlNote: The site describes betrayal blindness as unawareness, not-knowing, and forgetting that can preserve relationships, institutions, or systems people depend on.Jennifer Freyd — Research OverviewUse for: General background on Freyd's concepts, including betrayal trauma, betrayal blindness, DARVO, institutional betrayal, and institutional courage.Link: https://www.jjfreyd.com/about-researchNote: Helpful author/researcher page for show notes.Sue Johnson / Emotionally Focused Therapy — Attachment InjuryUse for: Attachment injury and emotionally focused therapy as a framework for repairing relational ruptures.Link: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/6644242_Resolving_Attachment_Injuries_in_Couples_Using_Emotionally_Focused_Therapy_Steps_Toward_Forgiveness_and_ReconciliationNote: Makinen and Johnson's 2006 paper, Resolving Attachment Injuries in Couples Using Emotionally Focused Therapy.Emotionally Focused Therapy / Attachment-Based HealingUse for: Sue Johnson's attachment-based framework for couples, emotional connection, and secure bonding.Link: https://psychwire.com/free-resources/q-and-a/17qfr27/emotionally-focused-therapy-and-attachment-based-healingNote: Accessible overview of Sue Johnson's EFT frame.Peter Fonagy / MentalizationUse for: Mentalization as the capacity to understand behavior in terms of mental states: thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, intentions, and motivations.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7009316/Note: This article gives a clear definition of mentalization and cites Fonagy/Bateman's work.ScienceDirect — Mentalization OverviewUse for: Simple definition of mentalization as understanding one's own and others' behavior in terms of internal mental states.Link: https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/mentalizationNote: Useful if producer wants a quick explanatory reference.John Gottman — Trust MetricUse for: Gottman's idea that trust can be evaluated and is central to relationship stability.Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/trust/Note: Gottman Institute article explaining the “trust metric.”John Gottman — Trust and Betrayal MetricsUse for: Trust/betrayal metrics and the idea that small everyday moments can build or erode trust.Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-makes-love-last-inside-the-love-lab/Note: Gottman Institute article referencing both trust and betrayal metrics.John Gottman — Building Trust Through AttunementUse for: Trust as built through awareness, tolerance, turning toward, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy.Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-3-phases-of-love/Note: Useful for the part of the episode about trust being built through consistency, attunement, and repair over time.John Bowlby / Attachment Theory OverviewUse for: Secure base, early bonds, and foundational attachment theory.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4085672/Note: Broad overview of attachment theory and Bowlby/Ainsworth foundations.Earned Secure AttachmentUse for: Adults with insecure early attachment histories developing more secure attachment through reflective and relational work.Link: https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/earned-secure-attachmentNote: Use as a broad reference for earned secure attachment. If producer needs a primary citation, ask for access to the Adult Attachment Interview / Mary Main literature.For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode, Vanessa sits down with Clara Schroeder, ecotherapist and author of Re-Nature: How Nature Helps Us Feel Better and Do Better, for a conversation about ecopsychology, climate grief, ritual, and the healing intelligence of the natural world. Together they explore why “we are nature” is not just a poetic idea, but a psychological and spiritual reality - and how separation from the earth mirrors separation from self, body, belonging, and ritual. They also discuss nature as a co-regulating presence, the specific grief that can follow climate or human-caused ecological disasters, and what it means to repair our attachment with the original mother. This is a conversation about remembering that nature is not outside of us; it is one of the oldest relationships we have.For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.Resources mentioned:Re-Nature by Clara SchroederUse for: Guest's book, Re-Nature: How Nature Helps Us Feel Better and Do Better.Link: https://www.claraschroeder.com/bookNote: Clara's site describes the book as exploring nature connection, mental health, resilience, climate disruption, and sustainable action.Ecopsychology / Theodore RoszakUse for: Defining ecopsychology as the bridge between psychology and ecology / the human psyche and the natural world.Link: https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/psychology/ecopsychologyNote: Useful general background on ecopsychology and its association with Theodore Roszak's The Voice of the Earth.Nature exposure and healthUse for: Research support that exposure to natural environments is associated with decreased anxiety, rumination, and other mental health benefits.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8125471/Note: Review article on associations between nature exposure and health.Nature relatedness and mental healthUse for: Research support that stronger nature relatedness is associated with fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6069224/Note: Helpful support for the episode's claim that relationship with nature matters for mental health.Connectedness to Nature ScaleUse for: Research on emotional / experiential connection to the natural world.Link: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/222621038_The_Connectedness_to_Nature_Scale_A_Measure_of_Individuals%27_Feeling_in_Community_with_NatureNote: Mayer and Frantz's Connectedness to Nature Scale is a common measure in environmental psychology.Andy Goldsworthy quoteUse for: “We often forget that we are nature. Nature is not something separate from us…”Link: https://www.theartstory.org/artist/goldsworthy-andy/Note: This is a cleaner source than Goodreads for the quote used in the episode.Lisa Miller / Spirituality Mind Body InstituteUse for: Lisa Miller's work on spirituality, psychology, and the science of spiritual awareness.Link: https://www.tc.columbia.edu/faculty/lfm14/Note: This confirms Lisa Miller as Professor of Psychology and Education at Teachers College, Columbia University, and founder of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute.Lisa Miller — The Awakened BrainUse for: Background on spirituality, resilience, and mental health.Link: https://www.lisamillerphd.com/Note: Important: I would not use wording that says Lisa Miller “proved synchronicities are real” unless you have a specific source from her work that says that directly. Safer wording: “Lisa Miller's work explores the science of spirituality and awakened awareness.”Fractal patterns and stress reductionUse for: Nature's fractal patterns and stress/mental fatigue reduction.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8416160/Note: Supports the episode's discussion of repeated natural patterns and nervous system regulation.Disaster / climate-related mental healthUse for: Mental health consequences of disasters, including trauma, anxiety, and depression.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11430943/Note: Broad support for the climate grief / disaster recovery part of the conversation.Forest therapy after wildfire disasterUse for: Nature-based, community-centered support after wildfire or disaster.Link: https://natureandhealth.uw.edu/publications/forest-therapy-as-a-trauma-informed-approach-to-disaster-recovery-insights-from-a-wildfire-affected-community/Note: Useful support for nature connection as part of disaster recovery.Nature attachment theoryUse for: Nature as an attachment figure / the human-nature bond through an attachment theory lens.Link: https://eresearch.qmu.ac.uk/handle/20.500.12289/14214Note: Useful support for the “Mother Nature / original mother / attachment wound” portion of the episode.Attachment theory overviewUse for: Bowlby, Ainsworth, secure base, attachment needs, and early bonds.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4085672/Note: Good general research overview on attachment theory and secure base.Clarissa Pinkola Estés — Women Who Run With the Wolves / life-death-life cycleUse for: Life-death-life cycle, instinctual nature, and the archetypal feminine frame.Link: https://bookshop.org/p/books/women-who-run-with-the-wolves-clarissa-pinkola-estes/9929947Note: The concept is from Estés's Women Who Run With the Wolves. I did not find a high-quality free source with the full concept explained, so best to cite the book directly rather than a secondary blog.Human evolution / Homo sapiensUse for: Vanessa's comment that humans have existed far longer than modern attachment theory / nuclear-family assumptions.Link: https://humanorigins.si.edu/evidence/human-fossils/species/homo-sapiensNote: Smithsonian source states Homo sapiens have lived from about 300,000 years ago to the present.Connect with Claire:Clara's website:https://www.claraschroeder.com/Book page:https://www.claraschroeder.com/bookInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/livingwithclarity/Book Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/ReNatureBook/Substack:https://claraschroeder.substack.com/If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if some of what we call healing is actually an argument with the Self?In this episode, Vanessa explores the fantasy that enough therapy, coaching, spirituality, or self-development will eventually turn us into someone without friction: endlessly patient, available, social, regulated, and easy to love. Through Jung's ideas of persona, Self, and shadow, along with research on self-discrepancy, ACT, self-compassion, and self-concept clarity, we look at the grief of realizing the idealized self may never arrive. The invitation is not resignation, but reality contact: meeting the actual self with enough honesty and tenderness to build a life that finally fits.Take the quiz here https://www.vanessabennett.com/space-holder-quizReference Links:• Carl Jung — PersonaUse for: Persona as the social face / adaptation to society.Link: https://iaap.org/jung-analytical-psychology/short-articles-on-analytical-psychology/persona-2/Note: This supports the episode's distinction between persona/social acceptability and deeper wholeness.• Carl Jung — ShadowUse for: Shadow as hidden or repressed parts of the personality, including not only “dark” material but also instincts, reactions, insights, and creative impulses.Link: https://www.thesap.org.uk/articles-on-jungian-psychology-2/about-analysis-and-therapy/the-shadow/Note: This supports the reframe that the shadow can include disowned sensitivity, need, rest, introversion, and unlived life.• E. Tory Higgins — Self-Discrepancy TheoryUse for: Actual self, ideal self, and ought self; different emotional effects of falling short of the ideal vs ought self.Link: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/19545638_Self-Discrepancy_A_Theory_Relating_Self_and_AffectNote: Original 1987 theory connecting self-discrepancy with affect.• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy / Psychological FlexibilityUse for: Acceptance as reality contact, not resignation; psychological flexibility as staying in contact with the present while moving toward values.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3635495/Note: Useful source for ACT and psychological flexibility.• Kristin Neff — Self-CompassionUse for: Self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness as the three core components of self-compassion.Link: https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/Note: Supports the episode's point that acceptance without warmth can still become contempt.• D. W. Winnicott — The Capacity to Be AloneUse for: The capacity to be alone as developing through the experience of being alone in the presence of another.Link: https://pep-web.org/search/document/IJP.039.0416ANote: Supports the idea of presence without performance or agenda.• Campbell et al. — Self-Concept ClarityUse for: Self-concept clarity as clear, confident, consistent, and stable self-beliefs.Link: https://www2.psych.ubc.ca/~heine/docs/1996scc.pdfNote: Original 1996 paper on self-concept clarity.• Self-Concept Clarity and Subjective Well-BeingUse for: Research linking self-concept clarity with well-being.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10064969/Note: Helpful current/recent support for the wellbeing connection.For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you say you want to feel more embodied, but what you really mean is “I want my body to calm down enough so I can keep functioning,” this episode is for you. Vanessa explores the body not as a problem to solve or a machine to manage, but as intelligence, using the archetype of Gaia as a map for rhythm, instinct, descent, and embodied truth. We talk about productivity culture, chronic override, interoception, allostatic load, and why the body often interrupts the life the mind keeps trying to defend. The invitation is not to transcend the body, but to become honest enough to let the body tell the truth about the life you're actually living.For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you can name the pattern in real time—"I'm projecting, I'm shutting down, this is my attachment stuff"—and still feel unable to stop the behavior, this episode is for you. Vanessa explores the burden of consciousness: the exhaustion of being aware when insight has outrun integration, and the nervous system hasn't caught up to what the mind can explain. We unpack why the observer can become its own persona (or even a defense), how awareness turns into self-surveillance, and why “more insight” isn't the solution—more capacity is. The shift is when awareness stops being something you do to yourself and becomes something you do for yourself. For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you've ever felt something in your body long before you had language for it, and then immediately started talking yourself out of it, this episode is for you. Vanessa Bennett explores how women are conditioned to distrust instinct, often becoming the first ones to disbelieve themselves. She explains why this isn't accidental, it's socialization and policing. Using Jung's frame on intuition and the Cassandra archetype, we unpack the difference between intuition, anxiety, trauma activation, and projection. We also explore why “not irrational, early” is a more honest way to name what the body registers. The repair starts with relationship: rebuilding somatic literacy, pausing before self-gaslighting, and letting the signal matter before you have a PowerPoint's worth of proof. For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you've ever felt like being fully yourself would make you harder to love, this episode is for you. Vanessa Bennett explores how the too much wound and the not enough wound are often the same core fear: that authentic selfhood threatens belonging. We talk about the way self-editing becomes a survival strategy—somatically, relationally, culturally—and how “being good” can masquerade as maturity while actually costing you your aliveness. The work isn't “just be yourself”—it's staying connected to yourself even when your full humanity makes other people uncomfortable.For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's not always "if they wanted to they would," because sometimes the issue isn't desire—it's capacity, and that distinction changes everything. In this episode, Vanessa Bennett explores why someone can love you, mean well, even want closeness, and still not be able to sustain repair, intimacy, or emotional steadiness in a consistent way. We talk about the collapse of potential into pattern, why protest can keep fantasy alive, and how “victimhood” can quietly protect us from the terror of choice and grief. The core question becomes brutally adult: what am I willing to participate in? For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you've noticed you have far less tolerance lately for chaos, mixed signals, unnecessary drama, or relationships that require constant management, this episode is for you. Vanessa Bennett explores how prolonged upheaval changes the nervous system - why adaptation can keep you functioning, but isn't the same thing as healing - and how “resilience” can quietly become chronic self-abandonment. We talk about allostatic load, post-crisis clarity, and why losing capacity for avoidable chaos isn't always hardening - it can be the psyche finally refusing what it once over-accommodated. The invitation is to treat your life force as precious and rebuild around stability, honesty, and mutuality.For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if closure isn't actually what grief needs? In this episode, Vanessa explores the difference between grief that has been witnessed, ritualized, and given symbolic form, and grief that stays suspended when there has been no real threshold, no communal acknowledgment, and no place for psyche to put what happened. From death to losing a home, a relationship, or an entire world, this is a conversation about ritual, rupture, and why some grief moves while other grief circles. The invitation isn't to “get over it,” but to create form: witness, ritual, and integration when life didn't provide it.For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Attachment language is everywhere, but it often gets used as a shortcut: anxious, avoidant, disorganized as labels instead of doorways into real work. In this episode, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT reframes attachment as an adaptation—a deeply intelligent strategy your nervous system and psyche developed to survive love when closeness felt inconsistent, unsafe, or overwhelming. We explore anxious hypervigilance, avoidant self-protection, disorganized contradiction, and why the anxious-avoidant dance becomes a “nervous system duet” when threat gets activated. The destination isn't a perfect “secure” identity—it's earned security and differentiation: the capacity to need, love, and stay a Self. For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Early love is often thick with projection and fantasy—not because love is fake, but because the unconscious is trying to reveal itself through intimacy. In this episode, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT explores emotional fusion, the “Magical Other” fantasy, and why differentiation is not detachment but the somatic capacity to stay rooted in yourself under relational pressure. We talk about how disappointment refines love when fantasy meets reality, why role-enforcement is a sign projection is running the show, and what it looks like to take your projections back without psychologizing yourself out of reality. The question to sit with is simple and brutal: where are you relating to a person, and where are you still relating to an image? For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A lot of us were taught that apologizing means taking full responsibility for the whole dynamic—becoming the problem so the relationship can stabilize—or avoiding repair because it feels too vulnerable. In this episode, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT breaks down the difference between accountability and self-abandonment, and how codependency often functions as relational anxiety management (collapse on one side, defensiveness and distancing on the other). We explore shame as the through-line—why guilt says “I did something,” but shame says “I am the problem”—and what a grounded apology actually sounds like: specific, bounded, and rooted in truth. The invitation is simple and hard: name what's yours without collapsing or defending, and let reality show you what the relationship can hold.For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In yoga, there's a teaching: the pose begins the moment you want to leave it—and the same is true in healing, intimacy, and hard conversations. In this episode, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT explores how growth isn't built in your best insights, but in the moment your body tightens, your nervous system wants out, and you choose to stay with yourself instead of disappearing. We talk about the difference between pausing to regulate vs. over-processing as self-protection, and why there's no perfect script that can guarantee another person's response. The invitation: practice the “micro-moments” of noticing, allowing, and naming what's true—so discernment doesn't become self-abandonment. For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Codependency isn't a personal flaw - it's a cultural adaptation shaped by shame, external validation, and the belief that your worth lives outside of you. In this workshop episode, Vanessa Bennett and Madeleine Downey break down how codependent scripts form a false self and a shadow self, then show how the patterns keep reinforcing themselves in relationship (over/under-functioning, rescuing, and people-pleasing). You'll get a practical framework for seeing the “unconscious agreement” in the dynamic - and three archetypal invitations to move toward conscious interdependence: the Divine Alchemist, the Mystic, and the Rebel. This is a map for doing the work in real life: staying whole while staying connected.For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInConnect with Madeleine DowneyIG: https://www.instagram.com/MadeleineDowneySubstack: https://madeleinedowney.substack.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

So much of women's pain gets individualized as “personal failure,” when so many of our struggles are intelligent adaptations to patriarchal and capitalist systems. In this episode, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT introduces the Trinity Wounds—the witch wound, sister wound, and mother wound—and how they shape women's relationship to visibility, trust with other women, and the complicated grief we carry toward our mothers. We start with the loss of the village (the severing of communal support and interdependence), then walk through how each wound shows up in modern life: self-minimization, competition, suspicion, compliance, and disconnection from instinct. You'll leave with a map for healing that includes context, grief, shadow work, relational repair, and embodiment—choosing what's truer instead of what's safer.For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Assumptions are one of the most common ways we manage anxiety in relationships, but they also keep us stuck in the very patterns we're trying to heal. In this episode, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT is joined by Madeleine Downey, RCC to unpack how mind-reading, overfunctioning, and “being the bad guy in someone's story” often come from early beliefs rooted in shame. They walk through a practical loop you can use in real time—belief → assumption → behavior → confirmation—and why bringing “the story I'm telling myself is…” into the light can diffuse conflict and deepen intimacy. This is a relational invitation to stop living inside imagined certainty and start choosing clarity, vulnerability, and responsibility.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Friendship gets tested in crisis, and sometimes the hardest grief isn't just what happened, it's what gets revealed about who can actually stay with you. In this episode, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT sits down with her friend Lena to talk about friendship through trauma after both of them lost their homes in the LA fires, and what real support looks like when your life falls apart. We unpack the difference between being witnessed and being fixed, why small practical help matters more than perfect words, and how adult friendships change when roles, distance, and capacity shift. If you've been grieving friendships, struggling to receive, or trying to rebuild community after a rupture, this conversation is for you.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We're carrying a lot of emotion right now, but not much surprise, and that matters because surprise is what you feel when your system expects safety, predictability, and repair. In this episode, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT explores the difference between shock and recognition, how collective and generational trauma live in the body, and why so many women experience harm as familiarity rather than disbelief. We also name why “not all men” is so activating, how the “good guy” archetype can turn defensiveness into avoidance, and why allyship isn't enough anymore. The invitation now is intervention: choosing repair over exemption, and being willing to risk comfort and privilege to protect women and children.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We're in a radical shift in how we understand relationships, and it's bigger than romance: the same reflex lives everywhere we attach, the hope that if you do it right, someone will keep you safe, approve of you, choose you, or tell you who to be. In this episode, Vanessa explores how we outsource our center to partners, groups, institutions, and algorithms, and why certainty becomes addictive when the world feels chaotic. This new model of intimacy isn't rescue, it's witness, and it asks for personal responsibility, self-regulation, and the capacity to stay in truth even when you're afraid. Take this question with you: What do you want someone else to provide for you right now that you're avoiding providing for yourself?Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When the world feels like it's on fire, codependency can look like “staying informed,” “staying useful,” and carrying everyone else's feelings, but it's often just overfunctioning in the face of chaos. And collapsing doesn't make you more compassionate.In Episode 3, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT offers a grounding reset for anxious times: you are not required to carry the whole world to prove your goodness, your compassion, or your worth. You're allowed to pause, breathe, hydrate, sleep, laugh, and step away from doomscrolling long enough to come back intact. Recovery isn't disengagement. It's learning how to hold yourself in the storm so you can act from integrity instead of urgency, and show up for others from a rooted place.If this landed, follow the show, share it, and leave a rating or review.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

There's a version of love many of us were trained into: the kind you earn. Be agreeable, be impressive, don't need too much, don't make waves. When belonging becomes conditional, love becomes performance, and shame becomes the inner enforcer that keeps you “good,” useful, and exhausted.In Episode 2, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT explores how conditional belonging turns intimacy into obedience and management, why being “low maintenance” is often a survival strategy, and how over-attunement (often mislabeled as being an “empath”) can be a trauma response rooted in vigilance. You'll learn the difference between healthy empathy vs trauma empathy, how to spot the somatic signs you're performing safety, and two experiments to move from performance to presence: the pause and one honest sentence.If this landed, follow the show, share it, and leave a rating or review.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Most of us were raised inside an invisible contract: if you try hard enough, improve yourself enough, and play your role well enough, you'll be loved, safe, and chosen. So we become diligent students of “better.” Better habits. Better productivity. Better mindset. Better communication.But when that contract stops working, it's not a personal failure. It's often the psyche refusing to keep participating. In Episode 1, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT explores the difference between growth and self-optimization as a survival strategy, how people-pleasing and overfunctioning once kept you attached, and why your anxiety, burnout, or identity unraveling may be a threshold into something more honest. You'll leave with prompts and one “micro-moment” practice to start rebuilding an inner compass you can trust.If this landed, follow the show, share it, and leave a rating or review.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Inner Compass is a depth psychology and relationships podcast with Vanessa Bennett, LMFT, for people who are tired of self-improvement that leaves their lives unchanged.Each episode explores codependency, attachment, boundaries, intimacy, shame, desire, resentment, and nervous system patterns - alongside the cultural myths shaping love, worth, womanhood, and power.Grounded, direct, and reflective, Inner Compass bridges depth psychology, lived experience, and cultural analysis without reducing healing to “tools and tips.” This is a space for honest inquiry, not performance - and for rebuilding an inner compass you can actually trust.Follow the show to receive new episodes weekly.For educational purposes only. This podcast is not therapy.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode of the podcast, Vanessa and Dené talk about the ways in which we are all being challenged to stay with ourselves through the discomfort of releasing the things we have been holding as certain. we talk about:why it becomes necessary to be in acceptance of loss for us to show up authentically in relationships how our culture conditions us to be in a constant space of preoccupation- often in an attempt to defend against the fear of endings how we are collectively being invited to come into an acceptance of the nature of impermanence the very human desire to cling to the known when we are about to step into the next phase of our development ..and so much more! Don't forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along with the show on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube! Connect with Vanessa:Instagram: @vanessasbennettWebsite: vanessabennett.comTikTok: @itsvanessabennettConnect with Dené:Instagram: @dene.loganWebsite: denelogan.comTikTok: @deneloganAgain, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode! If you're interested in being one of our live anonymous coaching episodes, you can apply at the link in the show notes.And follow or subscribe to our IG, TT or YouTube.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this week's episode, Vanessa and Dené talk about the energy that is being felt by so many of us as we move through what many astrologers are calling a ‘turning point' eclipse season. we talk about:the immense amount of shadow work we've been asked to dive into in the midst of the current eclipse seasonthe dehumanization that starts to come up when we place people on pedestals how we are being asked to look at where we've outsourced our sense of security to other people how our disappointment in others often reflect where we've left expectations unexpressed ..and so much more! Don't forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along with the show on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube! This podcast is, for sure, Cheaper Than Therapy. Follow Cheaper Than TherapyInstagram: @cheaperthantherapypodcastTikTok: @cheaperthantherapypodYouTube: @cheaperthantherapypodcastConnect with Vanessa:Instagram: @vanessasbennettTikTok: @thecodayodaYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@vanessabennettlmft5631 Connect with Dené:Instagram: @dene.loganTikTok: @deneloganSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

..the growth that comes from them is optional. In this week's episode, Vanessa and Dené talk about the extent to which 2025 has felt like - to many - one enormous ego death, what that means, and why this is a crucial aspect of our collective healing process. we talk about:how life is changing pushing us to separate our essence from our adapted survival strategies or what we've been calling our personality why it becomes important to honor other people's process - even if we experience them as bypassing the ‘truth' of where we believe they should be how we can start to view life's difficult moments and relationships as an invitation to expand through what might actually be an initiatory cycle or ego death the extent to which we are experiencing an collective ego death as human race ..and so much more! Don't forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along on Instagram and YouTube!Connect with Vanessa:Instagram: @vanessasbennettWebsite: vanessabennett.comTikTok: @itsvanessabennettConnect with Dené:Instagram: @dene.loganWebsite: denelogan.comTikTok: @deneloganAgain, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode! If you're interested in being one of our live anonymous coaching episodes, you can apply at the link in the show notes.And follow or subscribe to our IG, TT or YouTube.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In the first installment of one of our new solo series, Vanessa kicks off with a core theme from her new book The Motherhood Myth: The Lie We Were Sold—the cultural script that says partnership and motherhood should be inherently easy and endlessly fulfilling…and if they aren't, you must be doing it wrong. Vanessa traces how that story keeps us isolated, ashamed, and over-functioning, and why naming it is the first step to reclaiming a solid sense of Self.We discuss:How a shared season of overstimulation, depletion, and “Who am I anymore?” sparked this bookThe lie itself—and how it feeds codependency, self-abandonment, and the “performing for belonging” loopDominator systems 101: patriarchy, capitalism, and why shame is such an effective control mechanismWhat changes when you build from capital-S Self: less personalization, more ownership, real agencyTwo journal prompts to begin untangling your inherited myths (about “good mother / partner / woman / person”)An invitation to help name this solo mini-series + what's coming next (“Ego Explosion”)We would love to hear from you:What is the lie you were sold about partnership, motherhood, womanhood—or being a “good” person?How was shame used to keep you performing that role?Don't forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along on Instagram and YouTube!Connect with Vanessa:Instagram: @vanessasbennettWebsite: vanessabennett.comTikTok: @itsvanessabennettConnect with Dené:Instagram: @dene.loganWebsite: denelogan.comTikTok: @deneloganAgain, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode! If you're interested in being one of our live anonymous coaching episodes, you can apply at the link in the show notes.And follow or subscribe to our IG, TT or YouTube.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this week's episode, Vanessa gives Dené a recap of her time spent at a bachelorette party over the weekend. We explore some of the trends - and possible factors impacting - why millennials may have a different relationship with alcohol than older generations.We discuss:-Whether studies suggesting that gen Z is consuming less alcohol than millennials are pointing to an awakening of consciousness or feeling more self-conscious about making mistakes.- If the younger generation are being raised with a lower tolerance for discomfort.- What some of the positive outcomes could potentially be from discomfort that parents may be robbing their children of experiencing. ..and so much more! Don't forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along with the show on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube! Connect with Vanessa:Instagram: @vanessasbennettWebsite: vanessabennett.comTikTok: @itsvanessabennettConnect with Dené:Instagram: @dene.loganWebsite: denelogan.comTikTok: @deneloganAgain, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode! If you're interested in being one of our live anonymous coaching episodes, you can apply at the link in the show notes.And follow or subscribe to our IG, TT or YouTube.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We sat down to explore some of the challenges that come up living in a culture where we are exposed and reacting to so many people lives, perspectives and ultimately ways of negotiating conflict. We discuss: -the challenges that we're facing as a culture that struggles to allow for diversity of thought -holding ourselves with compassion even as others may be holding us with judgement -how we honor the unique nature of our Souls blueprint instead of feeling like we are all meant to be the same -what it looks like to take responsibility for being a conduit to the world I want to see instead of pushing against current circumstances ..and so much more! Don't forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along with the show on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube! Connect with Vanessa:Instagram: @vanessasbennettWebsite: vanessabennett.comTikTok: @itsvanessabennettConnect with Dené:Instagram: @dene.loganWebsite: denelogan.comTikTok: @deneloganAgain, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode! If you're interested in being one of our live anonymous coaching episodes, you can apply at the link in the show notes.And follow or subscribe to our IG, TT or YouTube.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We're back and so excited to share with you all some of the conversations we've been having offline. This week, we explore some of the current conversations we've heard coming up around AI, the tie it will play in how we meet one another relationally, and what the larger invitation may be for all of us in this rapidly changing world. we discuss:the uptick of people replacing a therapeutic relationship with their use of chat GPT how we might see the rise in technology as being a catalyst for cultivating a more intimate relationship with the human capabilities that cannot be outsourced what it will look like to balance the reality that AI is here and something we will have to negotiate a personal relationship with, to continuing to prioritize connecting with other humans..and so much more! Don't forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along with the show on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube! And look out for all new episodes of Cheaper than Therapy on August 11! Connect with Vanessa:Instagram: @vanessasbennettWebsite: vanessabennett.comTikTok: @itsvanessabennettConnect with Dené:Instagram: @dene.loganWebsite: denelogan.comTikTok: @deneloganAgain, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode! If you're interested in being one of our live anonymous coaching episodes, you can apply at the link in the show notes.And follow or subscribe to our IG, TT or YouTube.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Cheaper than Therapy is back for season 4!! And we couldn't be more excited to kick things off with a live recording (and celebration of the launch of Vanessa's new book, The Motherhood Myth) we did with two of our favorite dads - and friends - Dr. Adi Jaffe and Nicholas Gonzalez. Adi is an addiction & mental health expert, and founder of IGNTD. Nick is an actor, father, and advocate for conscious masculinity. They are also two dads doing the work of taking so much personal responsibility for their growth as men and fathers.We sat down to talk with Adi and Nick about: finding self-compassion and what it looks like to do the conscious work of repairing as a parent how to avoid the trap of parentified dynamics with your partner the often unaddressed desire to feel valued as men and whether or not that equates to ‘needing' the women in their lives reimagining privilege in a society where we've lost track of what it means to support one another in community..and so much more! Connect with Adi: https://www.adijaffe.com/ (Website) Connect with Nick on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/eltexmex/ InstagramWe are so excited to be back! Don't forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along with the show on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube! And look out for all new episodes of Cheaper than Therapy on August 11! This podcast is, for sure, Cheaper Than Therapy.Connect with Vanessa: • Instagram: @vanessasbennett (https://www.instagram.com/vanessasbennett/) • Website: vanessabennett.com • TikTok: @ (https://www.tiktok.com/@thecodayoda)itsvanessabennettConnect with Dené: • Instagram: @dene.logan (https://www.instagram.com/dene.logan/) • Website: denelogan.com • TikTok: @denelogan (https://www.tiktok.com/@denelogan)Again, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode! If you're interested in being one of our live anonymous coaching episodes, you can apply at the link in the show notes.And follow or subscribe to our IG, TT or YouTube.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Our 4th and final “best of” is an episode where we answered a listener question. Ep: 181 Q&A: Reciprocal vs Transactional RelationshipsThis episode is one of the most honest, relatable, and clarifying conversations we've had about how codependency quietly shapes our relationships—and how resentment can be a powerful wake-up call.This one is an invitation to zoom out, take radical ownership, and shift from silently simmering to soulfully relating.Don't forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along with the show on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube! And look out for all new episodes of Cheaper than Therapy on August 11! Connect with Vanessa: • Instagram: @vanessasbennett (https://www.instagram.com/vanessasbennett/) • Website: vanessabennett.com • TikTok: @ (https://www.tiktok.com/@thecodayoda)itsvanessabennettConnect with Dené: • Instagram: @dene.logan (https://www.instagram.com/dene.logan/) • Website: denelogan.com • TikTok: @denelogan (https://www.tiktok.com/@denelogan)Again, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode! If you're interested in being one of our live anonymous coaching episodes, you can apply at the link in the show notes.And follow or subscribe to our IG, TT or YouTube.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Our next ‘best of' episode was episode 192: Men's “Clarity” After Sex. This conversation cracked open a raw, honest, and often unspoken exploration of modern relationships, intimacy, and how patriarchal conditioning impacts us all—especially around sex.If you've ever wondered why sex sometimes feels more disconnecting than connecting, or you're longing for a deeper conversation about emotional safety, sexual shame, and sacred union—this one will stay with you.Over the next 4 weeks, we're re-airing some of our favorite episodes to gear you all up for what's to come. Don't forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along with the show on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube! And look out for all new episodes of Cheaper than Therapy on August 11! Connect with Vanessa:Instagram: @vanessasbennettWebsite: vanessabennett.comTikTok: @itsvanessabennettConnect with Dené:Instagram: @dene.loganWebsite: denelogan.comTikTok: @denelogan------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Ep 188: BEST-OF: What Does My Inner Child Need?Our 2nd “best of” is one of our live coaching episodes. We dive into: what codependency and anxious attachment often look in real life—and why they're so hard to untangle a roadmap for staying with discomfort instead of outsourcing soothing—without shame.Over the next 4 weeks, we're re-airing some of our favorite episodes to gear you all up for what's to come. Don't forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along with the show on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube! And look out for all new episodes of Cheaper than Therapy on August 11! Connect with Vanessa: Instagram: @vanessasbennett Website: vanessabennett.com TikTok: @itsvanessabennett Connect with Dené: Instagram: @dene.logan Website: denelogan.com TikTok: @denelogan ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Over the next 4 weeks, we're re-airing some of our favorite episodes to gear you all up for what's to come. This conversation with Danny Morel was one of our absolute favorites. We sat down with Danny to talk about -reframing love, attachment, partnership and forgiveness. This episode was a profound exploration of what will be required to heal collective wounds between men and women.Don't forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along with the show on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube! And look out for all new episodes of Cheaper than Therapy on August 11! Connect with Vanessa:Instagram: @vanessasbennettWebsite: vanessabennett.comTikTok: @itsvanessabennettConnect with Dené:Instagram: @dene.loganWebsite: denelogan.comTikTok: @denelogan------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this heartfelt final episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we reflect on the last four years, all of our challenges and personal growth, and the significance of our friendship while preparing to close this chapter. While it's farewell to the podcast for now, it's not farewell to us. Join our online community to stay in touch with multiple live weekly process groups and workshops, and stay in touch with us for upcoming retreats. What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨How both of our perspectives on so many things have evolved since the podcast's early days, from the challenges of motherhood to deepening our clinical skills, and how much we've used the podcast for processing life experiences✨ An emphasis on how our shared struggles have shaped our friendship and influenced our professional work, and how candidly the topic of motherhood has been approached on Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast since day one✨Gratitude for our friendship and the unique dynamic we've built between us, and how supporting each other's growth has been vital to both the podcast's success and our personal journeys✨As we prepare to end the podcast, we do so with gratitude and reflect on the importance of honoring life's cycles, embracing endings as a necessary part of growth

In our second to last episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we sit down with Reverend Michael Beckwith, founder of the Agape Spiritual Center, the Take Back Your Mind podcast, and bestselling author of “Life Visioning™,” “The Answer is You,” and “Spiritual Liberation.” Reverend Michael shares journey from being a psychobiology major to becoming a spiritual leader and the profound insights he's gained along the way, particularly about the rise of the feminine energy and spiritual awakening. What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨The global shift toward feminine energy and collective spiritual awakening, and why Reverend Michael believes that this movement is essential for healing the planet and fostering deeper unity among people✨ Reverend Michael's personal spiritual experiences, including profound mystical events that changed his perception of reality, and how these moments helped him embrace his spiritual gifts and lead others on their own awakening journeys✨The need for living with intention, rather than reacting to circumstances, and how intention acts as a guiding force, helping individuals align with their spiritual purpose in order to navigate life more authentically and meaningfully

Ep 234: Friendships & GoodbyesIn this emotional and reflective episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we discuss the cycles of relationships, touching on our personal friendship dynamics and the upcoming conclusion of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast after an incredible 4 years. What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨ An emphasis on the importance of prioritizing friendships over romantic relationships, which often get placed on a societal pedestal, and how our friendship has thrived because of our commitment to this mindset✨The cyclical nature of relationships, using the metaphor of a spiral to illustrate how old wounds and dynamics resurface, but with each turn of the spiral, they move further from the center, showing growth and healing✨Exploring the concept of respecting where each person is in their development and capacity to engage in relationships, and how recognizing that capacity in one another helps prevent the ego from taking a “one-up” position, allowing for empathy and understanding✨The conclusion of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast after 4 years together, our immense gratitude for this journey, our guests, and you - the amazing community we've built together

In this episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we sit down with Sabrina Zohar, a prominent voice in dating and relationship psychology and host of the Sabrina Zohar Show, a top resource for no-nonsense relationship advice backed by the expertise of board-certified and licensed psychologists. What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨ How dating emotionally unavailable people will often lead to the realization that you are emotionally unavailable, showing the importance of accountability vs blame in relationships ✨Why we should challenge common social media dating advice like “If they wanted to, they would,” due to a need for deeper self-reflection and understanding, rather than blindly following oversimplified advice✨How past trauma can influence current dating patterns and the importance of healing from these experiences so you are able to approach relationships by prioritizing authenticity and depth over superficial connections✨The importance of maintaining high standards in dating without getting caught in unrealistic ideals, and to begin prioritizing compatibility and shared values over physical appearance or fleeting excitement

In this episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we sit down with Michelle, who is struggling with her husband's mental health issues and their recent impact on their family dynamics. The conversation explores step-parenting, mental health in relationships, and more.What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨ The difficulties in finding common ground with her husband regarding parenting decisions, especially as her children have grown older✨ What to do when when mental health struggles have created an ongoing sense of unpredictability and fear within the family dynamic✨ Approaching conversations with curiosity and vulnerability, and the possibility that open communication about their fears and past traumas could help alleviate some of the tension in the relationship✨Why it's important to take accountability in relationships and address your own trauma to recalibrate your own nervous system to better cope with the present, and how by doing the necessary inner work, you can embrace the good surrounding your external

In this episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we sit down with Gabriella Ulloa and Meadowlark Monaghan, co-hosts of the “Thoughts May Vary” podcast; a podcast about changing our minds, with the common threads of mental health and nuance weaved throughout. We talk about mental health and the value of open, honest conversations & feeing understood in relationships.What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨Normalizing exploring mental health conversations in an approachable and authentic way, without falling into toxic positivity ✨The value of holding space for differing opinions and the need for discussions that allow for change and growth✨Approaching the topics of mental health with compassion and understanding, and the importance of feeling safe to speak openly about difficult subjects without fear of judgment✨The importance of vulnerability in relationships, both romantic and platonic, and why showing up authentically, especially in the messiest parts of life, is crucial for building deep, authentic connections

In this episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we sit down with Sarah, who is grappling with the aftermath of overhearing a negative conversation about herself between her in-laws and parents. What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨Exploring the motivation behind listening to a recorded conversation and why it's important to consider the deeper truths that might be present in the feedback✨The challenge of reconciling the desire for space and healing coupled with the pressure from others to resolve the conflict quickly, and why setting boundaries for space to process your emotions is important✨Why personal accountability is important and how our past experiences can influence our behavior✨Sometimes healing can be complicated and relationships have to change, so allowing yourself to feel your emotions fully is important for a sense of clarity, self-awareness, and spiritual growth

In this episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we sit down with Africa Brooke, internationally acclaimed consultant, credentialed coach, speaker, and podcaster to discuss self-censorship, brave expression, navigating complex social dynamics, and how to trust your inner voice. Her book, The Third Perspective: Brave Expression in the Age of Intolerance is available now! What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨Why non-binary thinking is necessary to breaking free of self-censorship and having open, authentic conversation✨The significance of brave expression in the age of intolerance, and the struggle to remain authentic when facing societal pressures that go against your own truth✨How social media may have amped the culture of fear and intolerance, and why focusing on meaningful posting and interacting may have more authentic results than performative social media presences✨The necessity of holding space for nuance in difficult conversations, and why true understanding doesn't always mean agreement

In this episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we sit down with Erica to talk about her struggles with managing strong emotions and staying grounded in emotionally overwhelming situations, and what to do when you tend to outwardly focus on others when overwhelmed, and how to trust your inner voice and listen to Self. What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨How somatic tools can help manage intense feelings during moments of emotional overwhelm✨ The importance of self-compassion and acceptance when dealing with big emotions, and how to uncouple negative beliefs from emotional reactions✨Why being emotionally vulnerable and authentic can feel challenging when learning how to trust your inner voice

In this episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we sit down with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and founder and host of Therapy for Black Girls, a podcast and platform dedicated to making mental health topics more relevant and accessible for Black women. We discuss Dr. Joy's journey to creating a significant platform aimed at destigmatizing mental health issues among Black women, community, generational trauma, self-awareness and spiritual growth, and more. What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨The critical role that community plays in mental health, particularly in the context of collective trauma and support systems✨Dr. Joy emphasizes the intertwined nature of spirituality and mental health in Black communities, advocating for a holistic approach to well-being.✨The impact of generational trauma and the importance of acknowledging and healing these deep-seated wounds to foster overall mental health

In this episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we sit down with Jill, a single mother and entrepreneur who is navigating the challenges of rebuilding her life after leaving a toxic and abusive marriage. The conversation touches on how to trust your inner voice, boundaries, impacts of relationships on children, and more. What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨How societal and cultural pressures can cause us to feel like we need external validation and approval, and how that can make it difficult to learn how to trust your inner voice, especially after leaving an abusive relationship ✨The importance of making independent decisions, even in what seems like small daily matters, as a way to reclaim personal agency and build trust in Self✨The significant impact past relationships have on children, highlighting the importance of modeling healthy behaviors and open communication to break generational cycles of trauma✨Why seeking family therapy to facilitate open discussions and provide a supportive environment is key to heal and grow together

In this episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we sit down with Lisa Marchiano, LCSW, NCPsyA, a Jungian analyst, author, and podcaster. Her writings have appeared in numerous publications. She is the co-host and creator of the popular depth psychology podcast This Jungian Life. She is on the faculty of the C. G. Jung Institute of Philadelphia, and lectures and teaches widely. What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨The significance of feminine archetypes, like Lilith and Eve, and how they represent different aspects of the feminine experience and self-empowerment✨Why recognizing and integrating shadow aspects like anger and assertiveness can lead to personal growth and authenticity, teaching you how to trust your inner voice✨How embracing the power of storytelling and sharing personal stories fairytales can facilitate deeper understanding and healing in both therapy and personal life

In this episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we address listener questions around boundaries and dealing with significant changes in your relationships. We discuss themes around abandonment, setting boundaries, and accountability vs blame in relationships. What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨How a fear of abandonment can make setting and maintaining boundaries challenging/unclear, often leading to negative responses from others✨The importance of accountability vs blame in relationships, and not personalizing others' actions✨Distinguishing between someone's capacity to show up in a relationship and their desire to do so, and that a lack of capacity doesn't necessarily mean a lack of care✨How controlling behaviors stem from deep-seated fears of abandonment and emphasize the need for self-reflection and personal responsibility to take accountability in relationships and foster healthier relationships

In this episode of Cheaper than Therapy the Podcast, we sit down with Joy, who is navigating the complex and practical life challenges following the end of a long-term relationship. We explore the difficulties of fully moving on when there is significant overlap in social and professional circles, and how to handle lingering feelings especially during potential future interactions. What You'll Gain from this Episode:✨The importance of self awareness in recognizing and validating your feelings of discomfort and jealousy, and why radical acceptance of these emotions is a key part of the healing process✨Why you need to fully grieve the ending of a relationship, and why both intellectual acceptance and emotional processing are crucial for moving forward✨ Finding a way to balance your desire to share your experience with others and not bleeding your pain onto them by prioritizing tending to your own wounds before engaging in activism or public discussion