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https://youtu.be/QO1LvCtnj8Q?si=BYC6glbksMlvI8sv On the Go Leadership - 4 - 24/7 Success   Welcome – Chris Fluitt | Redemption Church Plano, TX   Your career, calling, and cause   Case study: 120 people… no degrees, no capital backing, no government grants   Grow organization to over 2 Billion. This is the Church of Jesus.   Week 1: You are a leader & leadership is INFLUENCE.Week 2: Develop your message, and stay on message. Mission, Vision, Values.   Week 3: Your promotion playbook is adding value… ALWAYS BE SERVING. Today – 24/7 Success   What if we could win every day? Not the like the cringe Charlie Sheen interview where he talks about “Tiger Blood” and “Winning.”   24/7 Success Real success. Real victories.New heights.Breakthroughs and Achievements.   Not occasionally… but every day.   My ProblemI have small windows of time where I do really good work.   -Creative work – inspiration… fleeting-Physical health – temporary achievement -Spiritual life – Seasons where I am engaged… seasons not -School work – small windows of good work   I can be exceptional sometimes… but not all the time.   You can relate…-Some days you feel it… some days you don't. -You make plans to be better… but…-Projects started but not completed.-Days where you accomplish and days where you barely start   How can we experience success every day and not just occasionally?   The ultra short version of my sermon… Consistently working in love, yields consistent reward.   -Consistency-Work in love-Recognizing the reward     Acts 2:41 Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. Acts 2 – Birth of the Church (Born Again)3000 people!Mission accomplished.Becomes an annual Church conference… Acts 2:42-46 They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.43Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles.44All the believers were together and had everything in common.45They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need.46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts.They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, Acts 2 was an amazing MOMENT.They did not let it become a MEMORY. They continued… They devoted… They turned a moment into MOMENTUM. How do you do that? What does that look like for you? -Pre-Decide TODAY, what you will do TOMORROW.-Follow up.-Do not allow success and breakthrough to be an outlier. MAKE IT A HABIT! Work in Love “Choose a Job You Love, and You Will Never Have To Work a Day in Your Life.” “Find something you like to do so much that you would gladly do it for nothing; then learn to do it so well that people are happy to pay you for it.” –John C. Maxwell Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 After looking at the way things are on this earth, here's what I've decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that's about it. That's the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what's given and delighting in the work. It's God's gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now.It's useless to brood over how long we might live. “Delighting in the work.”The work is God given. But I hate my job… my boss… my coworkers… In order to succeed – find delight in YOUR work.   Consider Michaelanglo Grueling 4 years.Painted ceiling on his back.WHY do such hard work – Love. DELIGHT IN THE WORK.DELIGHT IN YOUR GOD GIVEN ABILITY. -Love using your gifts and skills.-Love seeing your ideas come to life.-Love teaching and communicating.-Love organizing and efficiency. No job is perfect… But find delight in work. -dislike 12 hour shifts, but LOVE what I do.-Coworkers are knuckleheads, but… -My pay is not what I want, but it supports my family I love.               

You may or may not know this, but in addition to hosting our podcast, I recently started hosting the free webinars Beyond BookSmart offers to help teach people about executive function skills and related challenges. We have panelists who add their insight and perspective and we cover a wide variety of topics but in a live setting, it's such a blast and I really love being able to connect with more people who are excited to learn about Executive Function skills and discover how life changing they can be to work on. We thought it would be fun to bring the audio from our latest webinar, “Your Kid's Not Lazy: How to Unlock Motivation Through Executive Function” to our Focus Forward listeners and share some bonus content for those who happened to be among the 1300 people who registered.This past week's webinar was all about motivation, how it works, their related Executive Function skills and challenges and some tools and strategies you can use to help make motivation a little easier for your kids and/or yourself. Throughout our webinars, we always invite people to ask questions using the q&a feature on Zoom and then we answer as many as we can at the end of the presentation on the feature topic. For this webinar, there were so many great questions left after we finished up the webinar and we really, really wanted to answer as many as we could. So, I invited our panelists, Amy McDuffie and Vin Kachurik to join me the day after to help answer a whole bunch more. Keep listening after the webinar audio to hear our bonus conversation. We cover all sorts of topics, including motivating kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, college survival skills, and self-advocacy, and using planners and calendars to support that planning, prioritizing and time management executive function skills. I really hope you enjoyed today's episode, and that you learn about motivation and its challenges, which is something I think we can all relate to. The new section starts around 44:08 if you want to skip right to it! If you're interested in actually attending the webinars live, you can find more about them in the resources section of our website, BeyondBookSmart.com. They're always free and we put a ton of work into them to make sure they're truly useful, relevant and relatable.In the meantime, here are some resources related to the episode: Full recording of the webinarMichael Delman's book, Your Kid's Gonna Be OkayBlog on ADHD & MotivationLink to agenda and webinar slides: Info about Executive Function coachingSupporting College Students - including Covey QuadrantsHow to Increase Motivation With ADHD: 10 Tips From Treatment ExpertsDr. Lisa Damour's Advice for Motivation to Do HomeworkContact us!Reach out to us at podcast@beyondbooksmart.comIG/FB/TikTok @beyondbooksmartcoachingTranscript:Hannah Choi 00:04Hi everyone, and welcome to Focus Forward, an executive function Podcast where we explore the challenges and celebrate the wins, you'll experience as you change your life by working on improving your executive function skills. I'm your host, Hannah Choi. You may not know this, but in addition to hosting our podcast, I recently started hosting the free webinars Beyond BookSmart offers to help teach people about executive function skills and related challenges. We have panelists who add their insight and perspective and we cover a wide variety of topics. It's kind of like Focus Forward live. It's such a blast. And I really love being able to connect with more people who are excited to learn about EF skills, and how life changing working on them can be. Hannah Choi 00:47We thought it would be fun to bring the audio from our webinars to our Focus Forward listeners. There's just such good stuff in there, and I wanted you all to be able to hear it too. If you're interested in actually attending the webinars live, you can find more about them in the resources section of our website, beyondbooksmart.com. They're always free. And we put a ton of work into them to make sure they're truly useful, relevant and relatable. So this past week's webinar was all about motivation, how it works, the related EF skills and challenges and some tools and strategies to use to help make motivation a little easier for our kids and ourselves. Throughout our webinars, we always invite people to ask questions using the Q&A feature on Zoom. And then we answer as many as we can at the end of the presentation on the feature topic. And this past week, there were so many great questions left after we finished up the webinar, and we really, really wanted to answer as many as we could. So I met up with our panelists, Amy and Vin, the next morning to continue answering them. So keep listening after the webinar audio to hear our conversation. We cover all sorts of topics, including motivating kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, college survival skills and self advocacy, and using planners and calendars to support that planning, prioritizing and time management executive function skills. I really hope you enjoy today's episode, and that you learn about motivation and its challenges, which is something I think we can all relate do. The audio begins when I introduce our panelists, I figure you wouldn't want to listen to all the housekeeping stuff that I covered in the beginning. And if you attended the webinar, so you've already heard the audio from it, you can jump ahead to 44 minutes to hear these Q&A questions. And now on to the show. Hannah Choi 02:39All right, let's get to know our panelists. Both of our panelists tonight are Beyond BookSmart coaches, and they also provide additional support to both our coaches and our clients caregivers as Executive Function Consultants. And first up, we have Vin Kachurik joining us from Ohio. Vin please tell us about yourself and your roles at Beyond BookSmart.Vin Kachuik 03:01Hi everybody. As mentioned, my name is Vin Kachurik. I use they/them pronouns. I live on a farm in Ohio with my spouse and my elderly Greyhound, he's sleeping over here next to me. I'm an executive function coach and consultant here at Beyond BookSmart. And prior to this, I taught creative and academic writing at the college level for about 10 years. Though, given that most of my students were first years, I feel like a lot of my classes would have been better titled "How to survive college 101". I feel like I spent as much time teaching students to manage the challenge of college as I did teaching them writing. But that experience really helped me develop a lot of the skills that I use now, experience that I hope will be helpful to you today.Hannah Choi 03:43Yes, absolutely. Thanks, Vin. It's really great to have you here with us tonight. Next on our panel is Amy McDuffie joining us from North Carolina. Amy, can you please share your background and the work you do at Beyond BookSmart?Amy McDuffie 03:56Yes, thank you, Hannah. Hi, everyone. I have been a coach with Beyond BookSmart for the past two years. And I'm also a member of our hiring team and an executive function consultant. I use she/her pronouns and my background is in special education, specifically in behavior and learning disabilities working with students from elementary through high school. I'm also a former behavior specialist supporting students from kindergarten through eighth grade with a focus on social emotional learning. I'm also the parent of two pretty awesome teens. I have a 14 year old daughter and a 17 year old son. And I'm so glad that you all are here and I'm really excited to be with you.Hannah Choi 04:39Thank you and welcome, Amy. All right. So let's get started. Motivation itself is not an executive function skill, but it is supported by and made much easier by a bunch of EF skills. If you hear me say EF it's short for executive function. Cognitive flexibility is needed to imagine a future state that is different from now and come up with ways to achieve it. Working memory helps to keep that future goal in mind. organization and planning are needed to sequence the actions to get ourselves to that future state. And task initiation gets it all going. And emotional regulation helps us maintain optimism and persevere despite setbacks. So it's not really surprising that kids with EF weaknesses or ADHD can have concurrent issues with motivation. However, these underlying executive function challenges are often to ignore are often ignored, or unrecognized, or worse, misconstrued as laziness. So all of these EF skills that help with motivation live in the prefrontal cortex, our thinking brain, it's right behind your forehead. So if we have these prefrontal cortexes and EF skills that are supposed to be helping with motivation, why is it still so hard to get motivated? For kids, one huge part of the answer to that question is that their executive function skills are still developing, they're still emerging. And these skills don't fully develop until our mid to late 20s. So in addition to not having access to fully developed EF skills, they also don't have as many years of experience as we do, and learning like what works and what doesn't work. And remembering this can help us be empathetic to our children when they're struggling with motivation. They're not doing it intentionally, or to be contrary, although it can feel that way. They're lacking the skills. And when we view their behavior only through our adult lens, it can set up unrealistic expectations for them. Hannah Choi 06:44Our motivation, and the related EF skills can also be impacted by systems in the brain. The limbic system, and especially the amygdala, which detects threats cannot differentiate between real threats like a car accident, or a bear attack, and perceived threats, like a lot of homework or having to clean your room. And so the limbic system detects the threats, and then says, "Alert, alert, get out of here or fight back, because this does not feel good". And in doing this, it actually hijacks the thinking part of our brain, and it sucks energy and blood and oxygen away from it, and makes it harder, sometimes even impossible to access our EF skills, which as we know, we need to motivate ourselves to do the things we don't want to do. So managing our emotions so that we can stay in the thinking part of our brain is a huge part of conquering motivation. So stay tuned, because we're going to cover the executive function skill of emotional regulation benefit. Another really, really, really important thing to look at is the ADHD brain, and how motivation is impacted by ADHD. Amy, you are our ADHD expert. Can you explain this for us?Amy McDuffie 08:00Yes, thanks, Hannah. So there's some fascinating research on the impact of ADHD on motivation. And understanding these dynamics can really help us to empathize with individuals with ADHD. So ADHD is associated with lower levels of the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine. And this changes how the ADHD brain perceives both reward and pleasure, which causes a lack of enthusiasm for starting or completing tasks. So this might be one reason you have difficulty with motivation if you have ADHD. And this can also mean that kids with ADHD experience much more frustration and failure than they do success, which has a negative impact on their self perception and also increases stress. So this can become a real barrier to getting started, it can become a self reinforcing negative cycle, and also results in less efficient processing because all that stress just makes the brain shut down. And another big difference in the ADHD brain involves the brain structure called the default mode network, which is the part of the brain that activates when we're daydreaming or not focused on a task or activity. And when the brain is directed towards a task or goal, the default network deactivates. But in ADHD, this part of the brain is more often activated, which leads to your focus constantly being pulled away from what you're doing in the moment, and toward completely unrelated thoughts. So that explains why staying focused on really tedious or repetitive tasks can be such a chore with ADHD. It really isn't a matter of will, it's a matter of neurology, and that's why brain based interventions can be really effective for individuals with ADHD. Hannah Choi 09:56Yes, thank you so much, Amy for that. I know it really helps me to understand what's going on in the brain. And I always work with my clients to help them understand. So I hope you all found that helpful too. And if you're concerned that the causes of lack of motivation in you or your child run deeper than EF challenges or ADHD, please reach out to a mental health provider to explore the possibility of depression or another diagnosis. Hannah Choi 10:25Okay, so now that we have a better understanding of how executive function challenges and learning differences, like ADHD can impact motivation, we can see how the label of "laziness" is often unfair. Yet, it can often go a step further, being repeatedly told you're lazy, can weave itself into our perception of ourselves and our inner narrative, like Amy said, and it makes it harder to break free from the label, as you may even begin to believe it yourself. And this is where having someone you can rely on for support, who's outside of yourself, who doesn't have the same perspective of you. And that becomes essential, they can help break those narratives and introduce new habits and ways of thinking. And I know this comes up often for us coaches, and so Vin, could you share a little bit about how you approach breaking that negative narrative with your coaching clients?Vin Kachuik 11:17Yeah, I'm happy to. So as Amy and Hannah both mentioned, that negative thought cycle can be really, really debilitating. So one of the first things I focus on with clients is finding and celebrating those easy wins. My favorite approaches to this are things like acknowledging overlooked successes, and also finding simple goals that are fairly quick to accomplish with little support. So for instance, if a client tells me that every day they get up with their alarm, I am just over the moon for them like to do that consistently is an absolutely amazing skill. It's a solid routine they can build other routines off of and it obviously not everybody can do that. And this shifts the perspective from what the client is not doing that largely comes from those expectations to what they are doing, showing them that they have skills and strengths to be confident in. And if that same client tells me that they want to do something like keep their clothes off the floor, but they just can't start that task of picking them, picking them up and organizing them. A simple win could be just taking the time to say, let's try it now and see what we can get done. There's no expectation of completion of the task here. The goal is to take some of the stress out of just initiating that task, and celebrate whatever progress comes of it, which can often be enough to sort of break that negative mindset. With both of these approaches, though, I always try to understand why the client wants to accomplish a certain task. Because often what reinforces the negative cycle are expectations that don't value the same things that our clients do. undervaluing the ability to consistently get up with your alarm makes the very tools that can help our clients seem worthless to them. And overvaluing. A tidy room can negatively incentivize our clients to prioritize a task that isn't really important to them and often sets them up for failure. So to kind of put it simply -"too long, didn't read", to help turn someone's negative narrative into a positive narrative set up and celebrate an easy win to show them their value, and then reflect on what they value and why.Hannah Choi 13:36Thank you so much. And I love that someone submitted this request with their webinar registration, which I think many of us will relate to. And it also gets to the "why" that Vin was just talking about. One registrant wrote, "Please help me understand why my son can be so motivated to get schoolwork done, but says that closing his dresser drawers and picking clothes up off the floor or cooking himself oatmeal is too much work". This is such a great question because it illustrates how much motivation is affected by whether we want to do this thing or not, whether it's important to us or not. And our parent perspective sure can be very different from our kid's, or even our partner's. So in this example, the student is more motivated to do schoolwork than household tasks. And it may be because his schoolwork is just more important to him. But to his parent, those household tasks are also really important. So how can we reconcile these differences in perspectives? Let's check in with our coaches to see what they have to say.Amy McDuffie 14:44All right, so I want to talk to you about a tool called HALT which stands for hungry, angry or anxious, lonely and tired, which I find to be really helpful to use this tool. These are all general triggers that can lead to poor self-control. And this is a good tool to use before addressing those differences in perspectives and just communication in general. You know, we all know that if someone initiates an important conversation when we're exhausted or haven't eaten all day, it's so much harder to receive the information and have a productive conversation. We're just not as great at communicating when those needs aren't met. And speaking of communicating with our kids, I know that we all want to help to problem solve to jump in and be a fixer. But we really have to remind ourselves that listening is the most important thing we can do when our kids open up to us. And this requires us to really tune in and avoid focusing on our own responses while our kids share their struggles with us. Our colleague, Denise taught me the acronym "WAIT" which stands for "Why Am I Talking?" as a reminder to just listen, we also have to remember that our kids experiences are very different from ours, we really have no idea what it's like to grow up in 2023. And it's just not helpful to operate from the place of "When I was your age...".Vin Kachuik 16:17That's so true, Amy, thank you. And another tool to kind of go along with that that I like a lot for this is Covey quadrants, Covey quadrants or sometimes referred to as the Covey Time Management Matrix, or the Eisenhower Matrix - it's got a lot of names- for prioritizing time, and tasks. So essentially, each task is classified by its urgency and importance, which then organizes it in to one of the four quadrants shown here. So quadrant one is the urgent and important quadrant, it's the top priority, the thing you really need to get done now. An example might be the big math exam is tomorrow, and you need to prepare. The action for this is do it to the best of your ability, complete that task as you can. But keep in mind that putting too many tasks in this quadrant can be overwhelming, and often causes burnout, which may be why, you know, in the question, the kid was like, "Oh, I can't make oatmeal, but I can do my homework". Well, that's because that quadrant was already full. In quadrant two, the not urgent but important quadrant. That's for things like keeping up with an exercise routine. The action for that is scheduled it. This is something that you want to make as routine as you possibly can. And because this is where the deep work and skill building really happens and where most people tend to be at their best. Quadrant three, urgent but not important. Something like it's garbage day, your chores need to be done tonight. An action for that is to either delegate it or ask for help with it. This quadrant often involves learning to set boundaries, and advocating for yourself by asking for help when it's needed, or learning to say no to what you can't accomplish. And lastly, Quadrant Four, the not urgent and not important quadrant. That's for things like watching Tik Toks, or TV. The action for this is unfortunately "delete it". These are often low value instant gratification and avoidance coping strategies, which isn't to say you can never enjoy a little fun and leisure time, but just not to the detriment of other priorities. Vin Kachuik 18:36So if defining urgency and important importance feels a little too subjective to you, something you can do is use just a simple one to 10 rating scale to help clarify the value of each task. Using this framework allows us to better see and illustrate our own value systems. But the most important important part of this is following up with those tasks that aren't as valued. For instance, watching hours of Tik Toks not as an act of laziness or defiance, but recognizing it as a poor coping strategy when faced with a bunch of disorganized and overwhelming tasks that you don't know how to start or manage. Recognizing this provides an opportunity, like Amy was saying, to better understand differing perspectives, and reconcile those differences in expectations that can often lead to conflict.Hannah Choi 19:28Thank you for those, Vin and Amy. And the other strategy that may help with sharing expectations and understanding perspectives is family meetings. And there's a lot of great resources online for learning how to hold effective family meetings. And yes, you'll probably get some pushback from the kids but stick with it. The experts promise that it's worth it in the long run. And you'll want to keep that HALT tool in mind and make sure everyone is well fed and rested before you start the meeting. Hannah Choi 19:54All right, so now that we've learned about the development of executive function skills, motivation and the the brain and how differing perspectives can play a part? Let's look at some specific tools that can support motivation. As many of you asked about this, then and Amy, what are your favorite tools and strategies through their coaching clients to help them get motivated?Vin Kachuik 20:16Oh, so one of my favorite one, it's actually two tools, I use them together. It's a combination of first step and five minute goals. These are two of my absolute favorites. And I tell clients to use this all the time, I find is really effective for task initiation, which can often be the most challenging part of any task. As the name suggests, first step is all about finding the first step to a task that makes sense. And five minute goals makes doing that step seem a little bit more manageable by setting the expectation of only having to do that task for, you guessed it five minutes, after those five minutes, if it's not so bad, then you know, keep going, great. If you can't do it any more than just celebrate that you did at least five minutes of work, which is infinitely more than doing nothing. It seems simple and straightforward. But part of why this is so effective, is that more often than not, we tend to view tasks based on their last step, we make dinner, we finish our homework, we go for a run, and so on. And we lose sight of the initial steps that we need to get there, like deciding what to make for dinner, gathering homework, materials, and warming up for a run. But even knowing where to start isn't always enough to muster the motivation, especially when the steps that follow feel big and insurmountable. So this is really where five minute goals comes in, to better manage those expectations and keep the focus more on those short term steps that ultimately lead you to that task completion.Amy McDuffie 21:50Thanks, Vin, that's really helpful. Another tool that that I like to use to address motivation is called decisional balance. And this tool examines the potential benefits and costs of making a change, and also for keeping things the same. And this can really help determine why making the change or doing the thing is important to you. Even if it's something that you find really mundane, you know, thinking about, is there some bigger benefit down the road. You know, motivation can really be impacted about how we feel about a task. And I just think this is a really great tool. It also supports self regulation, metacognition, and even planning, prioritization and time management skills.Hannah Choi 22:37Yes, thank you, Amy. And I wanted to bring up Covey Quadrants one more time, because in addition to helping us understand each other's perspectives, as Vin shared with us, this tool can also help us with motivation. And by completing the activity of the covey quadrants, you practice the executive function skills of planning and prioritizing. And Covey quadrants can help you define what you truly need to work on first, and because sometimes it can feel like everything is urgent and important, which can make it hard to get started. And so Covey quadrants kind of helps you narrow it down. And it can also remind you of those quadrants and those activities, sorry, in quadrant four, which might provide temporary relief from the discomfort of doing the things in quadrant one and three. But in the long run, these activities can have negative consequences. They divert time away from the important and urgent tasks in quadrant one. And they also divert time away from those energy giving and rewarding activities that are in quadrant two. And if you're having trouble getting buy-in from your child, or even yourself, to do this whole Covey quadrant exercise, you might instead try simply making a list of everything that needs to get done. It sounds simple, but it really does help to get it out of your brain and onto paper. And just like Vin said, thinking about tasks as a whole can feel insurmountable, but seeing them written down one by one can help. Hannah Choi 24:04Okay, so let's quickly visit the emotional right? Let's quickly visit emotional regulation. That's an executive function skill that is key to pretty much everything. That was what we - I mentioned that back when we were talking about the brain. So as we learned, being able to regulate our emotions is a huge, huge piece of the motivation puzzle. And it's much harder to use our EF skills to complete or even start a task if our emotional brain is taking control of the situation, instead of our thinking brain. So panelists, would you please share your favorite emotional regulation tools that help us stay in our thinking brain?Vin Kachuik 24:46Yeah, sure. I'm personally a big fan of breathing - Need it to stay alive but some simple deep breathing techniques can also do wonders for emotional regulation, especially with just a little bit of practice. What I'm particularly fond of is the four by four square breathing technique. So you breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out for four, and hold for four. And there's tons of other variations on that as well. There's ones with visuals, geometric visuals and meditations to follow and things like that. But what I find most effective about this is that it gives something specific to focus on the counting, or the visual gives you something specific. I hear a lot from my clients, especially those with ADHD, that they just they cannot meditate, because they can't keep their mind clear, there's just too many thoughts. And they don't know how to put them aside, counting using the four by four can aid that focus to practice deep breathing, even without a clear mind, and you still get the one of the most beneficial parts of meditation from that.Amy McDuffie 25:53I totally agree with you, Vin. Breathing is such an important tool for emotional regulation. And going back to our HALT tool for just a moment, I think we also need to be mindful of the role that sleep plays and emotional regulation, we can probably all attest to the effects of a poor night's sleep, you know, we tend to be so much more irritable and vulnerable to stress without sleep. So just a few tips for improving sleep, are sticking to a regular wakeup time each day, getting some sunshine in the morning, if possible. This really just helps to reset our internal clocks, and making your bed a sleep haven. So avoiding using it for work or homework. And also avoiding blue screen light because that really stimulates our brains. I also encourage clients to establish a bedtime routine that includes calming activities, leading up to that time, you know, something like reading or practicing that deep breathing. Even using an adult coloring book can be really soothing, really just anything that signals to our brains that we are preparing for sleep.Hannah Choi 27:04 Yes, so important. Thank you so much for sharing those, Amy and Vin, those I use those, they work very well for me. And I also need to make sure I get a lot of exercise. And I also noticed my kids do a lot better when they've been active. So something to remember is that with these emotional regulation tools, and any of the other tools we mentioned tonight, we have to practice them regularly for them to do us any good. They need to be able to come easily to us when we need them. And that's only going to happen if we practice them. And sometimes kids can be resistant to using external tools. So what we can do is normalize using them by using them ourselves. And we can show them like, "Hey, I'm gonna write this down. So I don't forget it" or "My day is going to be crazy. So I'm going to write down everything that I need to do". And so showing them that you can use those external tools and have it be really helpful. Okay, so we're going to jump into our Q&A, and see what questions we can answer for you. Thank you for dropping some in there. Let's see. Hey, Amy, would you like to share how we can teach executive function skills over the summer summers coming up?Amy McDuffie 28:15Sure. I think summer is a really great time as coaches to work with clients on EF skills, because it really gives us the opportunity to work with clients in a you know, low stakes, low pressure situation, you know, looking at what their goals are, what their interests are. Personally, I have really enjoyed coaching in the summer by tapping into clients' interests. Last summer, I worked with a client who wanted to learn how to create a graphic novel. So we took that project and, you know, basically identified all the tiny steps to take along the way to, you know, to reach the bigger goal of developing that graphic novel and worked in so many EF skills along the way. So, yeah, there's just so many fun things to do over the summer with coaching.Hannah Choi 29:11Great, thank you. All right. So let's see. Here's another one. What are some strategies to help kids who know what they are supposed to do and how, but still avoid the task because they find it boring, time consuming and not engaging for their level of intelligence?Vin Kachuik 29:30I can take that one. Hannah Choi 29:33Okay, thanks, Vin. Vin Kachuik 29:35There's so first of all, a little personal background from that -been there. And both personally and professionally. One of the best recommendations I have is, honestly, I had another layer of challenge to what they're doing. I mean, a lot of times creativity and intelligence kind of go hand in hand. And so there's a lot of opportunity to invite a creative perspective on how They approached that work, maybe, you know, taking it up a notch to do beyond what the assignment asks for. And to do part that something is a little bit more interest to them, even if it means a little bit more work, at least there'll be a little bit more engaged in doing that. And sometimes to the other option, that I find is that a lot of times, a lot of times clients and students who have done that, or struggle with that, they're not being challenged enough in other ways, even just beyond the classroom. So even just affording an opportunity prioritizing something that is more fun and stimulating to them, can kind of open them up to like, Okay, well, that was great. So I feel good. Now I can just tackle these other tasks. Easy peasy.Hannah Choi 30:48Yes,Amy McDuffie 30:49I love that. Hannah Choi 30:50All right, I see a question that I'm gonna steal. How do you stay motivated through transitions, my kids always struggle with change, and their already rocky systems tend to crumble? Yes, this is very tricky. I actually interviewed a licensed clinical social worker for this, her name is Rachel Hulstein-Lowe. And you can listen to that episode, if you go back a few episodes in there in our podcast. And yeah, we talked for a long time about that, and how challenging that really is. And those transitions can come, they can be expected transitions, like the beginning of the school year, the end of the school year holidays, or they can be unexpected transitions, like you have to move or, you know, just some some unexpected change that can happen. And the most important thing is to have some thing for your kids to fall back on. So they have like a really safe place at home, they feel really comfortable at home. So a lot of that, like validation and connection that we can make with our kids to to give them a safe place to feel to be. And then also the sleep, nutrition, exercise. Those three are huge. Without taking care of those, it's very difficult to manage those already rocky systems. And so it can sound silly to just to say that those are important, but they truly, truly are. And then also practicing some mindfulness can be really helpful too. So, you know, just take some time to be in your body and to see how you feel. And to just check in with that can also be really helpful with that emotional regulation that comes with those challenging transitions. Hannah Choi 32:36So, all right. Let's see. Um, let's see, how do you support a 10 year old who is reluctant to change? Anybody want want to dive in for that?Amy McDuffie 32:54I'm happy to jump in on that one.Hannah Choi 32:57Thanks, Amy.Amy McDuffie 32:57Thank you. Sure. So working with with a younger client who's reluctant to change, you know, I think it all comes down to just being able to connect with them and find out what's important to them, even at 10 years old, they're gonna have strong opinions and interests of their own. So I think it's really important to tap into that with them. And then, you know, also see, you know, what is motivating to them? What are they motivated by in their interests? And, you know, look at, you know, kind of bigger picture, like, do they see areas where, you know, of their strengths, what are their strengths and areas that they need to, you know, maybe potentially grow in. And if you're able to kind of, you know, access that that gives you an opportunity to really work with them on, you know, let's see where we can make some small changes and just kind of experiment with some making some changes and see what happens.Hannah Choi 33:59Yeah, and that's why when we work with our clients, we never, like give extra work or anything, we just work with what our clients are already doing. So that can be helpful to get that buy in and make that connection is, in some is meeting them where they are. Hannah Choi 34:20All right, let's see, oh, someone would like Vin to share a few more examples of how to increase engagement by adding a layer of challenge.Vin Kachuik 34:30Sure. So one that I like a lot, actually. And this helps in two ways is actually timing your work giving limited chunks of time to do it. So basically challenging, so like, how can you get this done in an hour? Yeah, you're smart. You're good at writing, right? You know, can you write this paper in an hour? I bet you can. Yeah. And not only so that does a couple of things. One, it gives them a time limit to stay focused on the task. so they don't sort of lose themselves in the weeds and get bored. And then again, adds that layer of challenge to it. But the other could be something along the lines of, you know, giving them the freedom and flexibility or challenging them to do extra research into what they're doing. You know, if they're doing a set of math problems they know how to do, and it's just really boring to them. Then you ask them to maybe find new math problems or harder math problems, ask them to explain those math problems, to you to be the authority to be the teacher is the all of these are really good ways to add an extra level of challenge and also responsibility that can kind of take them out of that. This is routine. This is boring, I don't want to do it, feeling.Hannah Choi 35:47Love it. Let's go back to the brain. Amy, you noted that low levels of neurotransmitters means that successes can be less reinforcing for those with ADHD. If this is the case, do small wins or other strategies help someone with ADHD initiate tasks?Amy McDuffie 36:06That is such a great question, isn't it? Yes, yes. So yes, the answer is yes. Those small wins, absolutely help someone with ADHD, initiate tasks. As coaches, our job is often to help clients recognize those small wins, I find that working with clients with ADHD, they tend to have more difficulty, you know, recognizing what the small wins are, or just not seeing not seeing them at all. And we really have to, you know, look for those small steps that they're taking, and help them to recognize that, you know, because that's a bigger part of the issue is, you know, the, the negative reinforcement that they've received, and, you know, kind of that perpetuating, you know, narrative, and, you know, experiences of failures. So, it really is helpful to recognize even what we consider those small wins to help them get started.Hannah Choi 37:08That's great. Thank you. All right. My child is entering college in the fall. Any tips to help prepare for this change? It's a big one.Vin Kachuik 37:20Oh, man. So there's, yeah, there's a lot college is crazy. There's a lot to prepare for, for that. Um, honestly, I think the biggest thing and the most price specific advice I can get give is self advocacy. It's navigating college is really a matter. Like, I there's this mentality, that when you go into college, you have to listen to what everybody else says and does all the time. But like they're there to serve you. You're paying to go there, your education is a matter of what you choose and get out of it. So there's a lot of self advocacy needed, especially in terms of saying, hey, I need help with this, Hey, I need help with that. How do I do this? And there's tons of resources on campus, the best and most successful students I've seen are the ones who are not afraid to walk into somebody's office and be like, Hey, can you help me? And like, nine times out of 10, that person will, because that's their job. That's what they're there to do. So tell them you know, really tell them, Don't be afraid. You are ruler of the roost, king of the castle, they're, they're there to help, you know, and you have to advocate for what you need.Hannah Choi 38:32Yes, I always encourag/make my college clients make sure that their teacher knows their name by the end of the second week. And it has come in handy. So many times when they've had to remember I had one client who had to miss midterm because she was really sick but because she had developed a relationship with a teacher, that teacher was completely understanding and was really gentle with her and allowed her to schedule it on a different day.Vin Kachuik 39:04And the more you talk, the more you self advocate that yes, yes. And absolutely. And it makes that whole process so much smoother.Hannah Choi 39:12Yes, a lot of feedback that I get from my college clients is that they were scared or really nervous to approach their teacher. But then afterwards, they realize, Oh, they're just human. And then they were not they realized that they didn't have to be nervous, and then it was just so easy to do it the next semester. Yeah. Something else that I recommend for for entering college is just understanding that 80/20 switch. So when you're in high school, you know, like, the 80% of it is done, maybe like in in school, or with a lot of support and then 20% of it you're going to do on your own, but it's the complete opposite in college and there's just 20% of support given and then you are sponsible for that other 80%. And that can be really shocking. I had a client say to me, I realized that I have to spread out my work over a few days, and not just do it all like the night before it's due, which is usually what we have to do in high school, just do it the night before it's due. So that's a good thing to keep in mind. Hannah Choi 40:18All right, um, okay, so since this webinar addresses kids, are there any suggestions for motivation that apply to adults? I just want to say that everything all of this can use for adults.Vin Kachuik 40:37Apps? Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, really, any of this, this, this is not stuff that's unique to kids. There's plenty of adults who struggle with this, I would say, probably the best suggestions I have are for really kind of going back to that self reflection and understanding your values value system. It can get very easy to get sucked into the rat race of doing things to other people's expectations, and to the detriment of yourself. So I would say the tools that we use, like HALT, you know, checking, regulating yourself that way, because you can't help anybody else. If you haven't helped yourself, it's like oxygen masks on an airplane. And, and honestly, also, the Covey quadrants are a great way to kind of break down your day and your routine and say, like, what is really important to me right now? Yeah, it literally addresses that what is important, because it can be easy to get lost in things like saying, Well, my work is important, doing the dishes are important. But maybe in a given moment, spending some time with your family is actually the thing that's most important, it gives you that that sense of longing, or that sense of sorry, family and like reduces that sense of longing that you may feel that loneliness and HALT, right, and also just strengthens those bonds.Hannah Choi 42:03I love that. All right. I think we have time for one more. Do you have a suggestion of digital planners or calendars for those who have reading and writing struggles, maybe dyslexia and ADHD, who need more executive function help?Amy McDuffie 42:21I'm happy to jump on this one, Hannah. Thanks, Amy. Sure, sure. So absolutely. Digital planners and calendars are so helpful. I highly recommend Google Calendar, it's easy to use, it syncs across devices. And you know, even you know, younger children with access can even utilize them as well. I utilize them with both of my children just with us planning events and appointments so that they know what's coming up. And it's really helpful. There are so many other apps to use. As planners as well, there's iStudiesPro, My Study Life, I know that that one is free, and I believe it was actually developed by a students with along with her mom, it's a really good one. And I know a lot of clients who also use the Todoist app as well. So there are just a number of them out there. And just on a personal level, I also really, I knew this is not digital, but I use a bullet journal for myself along with my Google calendar. And it's just a great way to kind of list out all of my to do's each day in conjunction with my calendar.Vin Kachuik 43:37I add one thing to that bullet journal. Yeah, they did the motivation. One of the things I love about physical planners, is I always suggest to my clients, customize them personalized for them, and stickers, raw all over them. Because honestly, we like pretty things. And if it's pretty attractive, we're gonna use it more. Absolutely.Hannah Choi 44:01I love it. That's my combo, too is the Google Calendar and a bullet journal can't live without it. Hannah Choi 44:08Okay, so this is where we ended our Q&A section of the webinar. Now keep listening to hear the rest of the conversation that I recorded with Amy and Vin the next morning, which I might add was Vin's first day of vacation. Thank you, Vin for taking some time out of your first day off to add your insights to our answers to these great questions. Hannah Choi 44:31Hey, Vin and Amy, welcome back. We had so many awesome questions at the end of last night's webinar that we just really wanted to get back into and answer some of them right. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for joining me again.Vin Kachuik 44:48Sure. Thanks so much. It was great last night. Yeah.Amy McDuffie 44:51It was so fun.Hannah Choi 44:54Yeah, people ask such good questions, too. I always wish we could see them. That's the one thing that I don't like about I did it. I feel a little disconnected from our audience. So. Vin Kachuik 45:04So that is the part that you miss. Yeah, getting that like good audience feedback is really?Hannah Choi 45:13Yeah, it's like everyone has masks on, right? Yeah. Yeah, so let's dive in. Let's see, what's the first one? All right, what are the strategies to develop motivation and teenagers with Oppositional Defiant Disorder? What a great question.Amy McDuffie 45:34That is a really, really good question, Hannah. Honestly, I think that the strategies are pretty much the same as what we have already discussed. But just knowing that it takes so much more time, a lot of patience, you know, to work through those strategies. And, you know, really sharpening this communication skills that we had talked about is really, really important here. And I think that, you know, any opportunities for, you know, autonomy, and, you know, giving the child ownership in the process is super important in these situations.Vin Kachuik 46:14Amy? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean interrupt. I just in the webinar last night, you talked about like, the there's a lot of talk about, like the neurotransmitters basically, acknowledging the bad more than the good a lot of times. And do you think that Oppositional Defiant Disorder, like one of the issues is that being told to do something takes away that feeling of personal success and value of the task? Because you're doing it for somebody else's expectation? And not really your own? That makes it feel like extra negative? I don't know, does that tie in at all?Amy McDuffie 46:46I think it does, because I think that, you know, again, that that piece of autonomy is so important here. So I think that's a really good point, then. And, you know, kind of going back to that, you know, negative track piece, I think that this is another situation where, I mean, that's a hard diagnosis to have for a kid. It really is. And, you know, I'm always concerned, like when I see that label of what the child's perception is, and what they understand about that. So I think that that's all really important to take into account here. And I really love I love working with, with teens and kids that, you know, have ODD because I feel like, it's such a great opportunity to really connect with them. And that is the most important piece and to build that trust. And just to get to know them as a person versus, you know, what the, you know, what the label says, or what the challenges are. And something that I have found to be really effective is, you know, really trying to set them up for opportunities for success, you know, what are their strengths? And, you know, giving them opportunities for leadership, you know, how can we build their self confidence, you know, to combat some of that, you know, the negative, you know, framing that they've had for however long.Vin Kachuik 48:13Ties back into those easy wins strategy, like acknowledging what they're good at? And yeah, what's that? What's an easy task that we can support that they can do well.Amy McDuffie 48:22exactly, exactly. Yeah,Hannah Choi 48:24I had a, I had a client who I started working with her when she was a junior, and then through her senior year, and she had oppositional defiant disorder. And, and I did notice that, in the beginning, it was, well, I just noticed that biggest change in our interactions and her openness to try new things, was after a while, and after she learned that she could really trust me, and that I was like, trying to help her build that autonomy. And it took a while, but I did see a big shift in in her. I don't know her willingness to work with me, and to work on making some change after we had developed a really strong rapport.Amy McDuffie 49:10That collaboration piece is just so so important here. So yeah, great,Vin Kachuik 49:16Honestly, that I feel like that kind of ties into, because I saw that a lot with like, college age clients back when I used to teach college too. There's that mindset of, well, I have to only do what I'm told and I can't do. Like, I'd like I can have autonomy. What is that? I don't know her. And, like, I think that really ties into a lot of the struggle kind of jumping ahead of like pursuing the support services in college that we were alluding to back in the webinar. Like, I know that admitting admitting that you need help, too, is also a really hard part of the process. And again, I feel like the autonomy and the trust are the big parts of getting somebody to admit that they need help, like knowing that they're not going to be chastised for it or, you know, like made fun of or torn down or anything like that. Because again, there's just there's so much I hesitate to say fragile ego. But when, when the systems that you've been taught aren't working for you, and you've spent your whole life feeling like you're behind everybody else, you know, where do you develop the self esteem and the self confidence? You know?Hannah Choi 50:32Yeah. All right. And actually, I love that we started talking about that, because that was one of our additional questions that we got last night, pursuing us support services in college. So that's great. We addressed that as well. All right, I'm kind of on the same theme. is starting school, a starting a new school, a good time to start new habits? Or is that too much? What are your thoughts on that?Amy McDuffie 51:00I love that question. I think it's the perfect time to start new habits, because you know, starting a new school or a new school year, I mean, that is that is a fresh start. So I feel like that's the perfect opportunity to try doing some things differently. You know, getting into a different routine, and establishing, you know, those habits, figuring out what works. So yeah, I think it's the perfect time. Hannah Choi 51:27I think Vin's point about like, small, small things, like start small, maybe not overhaul your entire life.Vin Kachuik 51:37But I think another advantage of starting fresh is that there's fewer bad habits to have to break or overcome. First. I mean, that's one of the things that's kind of difficult about habit building, we'd like to think in terms of like building good ones. But a lot of times that means overcoming bad one, yes. Once that we don't even realize or habit. Right? Right, right. So starting in a new situation, you're a little bit more self aware. Sometimes that translates to self conscious, which can be a little overwhelming, but you know, you're more aware of new surroundings and all of that. So I think it's easier to avoid falling back into bad habits and building new ones fresh, as long as you start small.Hannah Choi 52:18Yeah, yeah. And I think it's really important to take time to reflect on what your previous experience has been, and what you liked about that, what worked for you and what didn't work for you, and what you want to change in the future. Because if you can spend some time having that conversation with someone who's going to be really supportive and open for that conversation, it can really help to narrow down what you want to start with, like what, what small goals you want to set for yourself. So that self reflection piece is really helpful in that in that instance. Great,Vin Kachuik 52:56Aefinitely a challenge of habit building, though, is taking it not just starting small, but taking a theoretically, I'm just like thinking, I'm thinking of the example of like all the people who are like, you know, New Year's resolutions style habit building of like, I'm gonna start my new diet and go to the gym, and, you know, I'm gonna be perfect and all of that. And it's like, okay, good luck with that, because, like, new skills and habits, you know, and you're like, expecting results in a day and setting super high expectations, and it just doesn't work that way.Amy McDuffie 53:26Yeah. And I think that like, that's a big piece of starting, you know, starting anything new is also looking at, like, you know, what's likely to trip you up? What's likely to get in the way here of, of this working for me, because it's, I think it's really easy for us all to, you know, to set goals. And unless we look at like, really, what are the obstacles? And how do I address those? You know, I think we can not be as successful if we don't look at those pieces too.Vin Kachuik 53:57Reckless ambition, the dark side of motivation.Hannah Choi 54:02I always ask my clients is the goal that you're setting realistic and reasonable, right? Like, be honest, let's look at you know, all of your life experience so far, Is this realistic and reasonable? Because you want to set yourself up for success? Nothing worse than not reaching any of your goals because you've set them too big? Right? Hannah Choi 54:24Um, okay. Here's a coaching question. How often would someone need to meet with an executive functioning coach to make it effective? Once a week, every other week more than once a week? I think well, it just really depends on the client. I think once a week is a great starting place. Sometimes I've done twice a week, maybe broken that larger time down into smaller chunks. What about you guys?Amy McDuffie 54:54Yeah, I do think it's a good place to place to start Excuse me. You know, just depending on what the needs are, and you can always, you know, make adjustments from there.Hannah Choi 55:04I think what it comes down to is consistency. Right? Right. So whatever, whatever you determine is the right amount of sessions or the right duration or frequency. It's the consistency makes a huge difference. Very important with anything, right? Yeah. Yeah, true. Basically with anything.Amy McDuffie 55:23Yeah, keeping that momentum going is so important.Hannah Choi 55:28Yeah, yep. Yep. All right, once a child gets interested in something that they wanted to do, how do you keep them motivated to continue with it, like clubs, clubs or sports, they love the sport and playing, but they don't want to go to practice.Amy McDuffie 55:43Oh, my goodness, this is so familiar, Hannah, just as a parent. So my, my response to this might be a little, a little different. But I just having had personal experience with this in my home with my kids. I, you know, we do things a little differently now. And, you know, when there's interest in, let's say, playing soccer this season, you know, we sit down and have the conversation about what those expectations are, and what it means to commit to doing this thing. You know, there gonna be days where you don't feel like going or you don't want to go, or you're just not as interested at times. But you know, we really talk about is upfront expectations so that we know what we're getting into. And, and the follow through that, like, okay, so you want to do this, and, you know, we're committing to do this for the next couple of months. And that means going to practice and just kind of laying it all out there before, you know, officially signing on to take on this thing. And you know, beyond that, if you decide you don't ever want to do it again, that's totally fine. We can look at other things. But, you know, again, I think it comes down to just having those conversations upfront about the expectations. And, you know, it's another opportunity to look at, you know, look at the why, like, why do you want to do it, and also look at, you know, those opportunities for successes, you know, within whatever the activity they're doing.Hannah Choi 57:14Yeah, my kids, both my kids both play instruments. And so we deal with this a lot. They both been playing for a few years. And so it comes up a lot that they're just like, I don't want to practice. And something that something that is important to me is that it is okay for our kids to have discomfort. It is okay for them to to feel like, this doesn't feel good. And I don't want to do this. But I signed up, I made the commitment. So I have to do it. If we always protect our kids from those feelings, and then say, okay, you don't have to do it. I know you signed up for it. But now you don't have to do it. Because you don't want to. No, like, I think they need to follow through on the commitment that they made. And yeah, they're gonna feel some discomfort. But they're also, you know, like you said, the expectations were set up. So now they need to follow through. And there's so many lessons to be learned in that experience. Yeah, it feels awful. But hey, you're part of a team, or you made a commitment to your teacher or whatever, whatever that commitment is that you made. I do think it is a great opportunity to teach kids about learning about that.Amy McDuffie 58:31Absolutely. And about perseverance, too. So yeah,Vin Kachuik 58:35Yeah, that discomfort really like learning to sit with that discomfort, is what helps you switch your perspective, from have to, to get to, which is very important for keeping up with that consistency. Because if you think of it is just a burden or responsibility, like, I have to go to practice. Yeah, that may not be the fun part. The fun part, maybe the game, maybe you like the sense of competition, you'd like to, you know, high intense energy, or maybe you just like the performing part or playing around with your new instrument or whatever. Practice is hard, but it's what allows you getting to do that is what allows you to get to the fun parts as well. Hannah Choi 59:18Yeah, and be better at the fun part. Vin Kachuik 59:19Yes, it'd be better like it makes it more enjoyable. Hannah Choi 59:23Yeah. Yeah. My dad said to my daughter, he's a musician too. And he said, you know, what the, your motivation should be for practicing is so you don't feel like a jerk at rehearsal when you're the only person who can't keep up with the music. Practice so you feel confident at rehearsal. That's great. Yeah. One of my favorite quotes ever is by a psychologist called Susan David. And if you guys haven't looked into her stuff before, you got to read it, read her things. It's, she's amazing. And she has this quote that, ah, "Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life". And I just love that. And so whenever I'm in a situation where I am feeling uncomfortable, I just remind myself like something good is gonna come out of this, you're going to learn from this, you're going to have some amazing experience or whatever. And it truly is. So, it's good for kids, too.Vin Kachuik 1:00:21of emotionally regulating that I can't stress the breathing enough and hold. Back to those references again. Like if you can't stand the discomfort, a there's either something wrong, you need to, you know, eat some food, drink some water, get some sleep, something like that. But like, if you all those needs are met, then just breathe. It makes it so much better. Just breathe few deep breaths.Amy McDuffie 1:00:45Yep, yep.Hannah Choi 1:00:48All right. Lessons for life. Just breathe, just breathe. Vin Kachuik 1:00:53It's literally a function of living. Hannah Choi 1:00:57Oh, my God, that was so funny when you said that last night. All right. Let's see. Here's, I think this is our last question. All right, my 19 year old son told me he's terrified about trying his hardest only to still fail. In the end. What are we just talking about? It breaks my heart. How do you address issues around motivation that are derived from fear of failure? Yeah. Perfect question to end with.Vin Kachuik 1:01:21Absolutely, yeah. That the way that you combat fear of failure is again, it's that "have to, not get to" that's where the fear of failure comes from. It's from the distance between where you feel you are and the expectations that are set above you. That's where things like shame and doubt just reign supreme, and can get the better of you. So a couple of things to do with that is seeing it less as the end result is the expectation and the doing is more the expectation, finding the value, and the joy in the doing the "Hey, I'm learning how to do this". Again, it comes back to starting small though, you know, do it with low stakes things, if it's a high stakes things thing, like a final paper or a big game or something like that, where it's all on the line. No, that's that's too much. It's very overwhelming. But I think giving like little like bits of like autonomy or responsibility to allow someone an opportunity to fail, and get comfortable failing, and learning from that failure in a low stakes environment. Things like, okay, so you know, you're going to be in charge at here's, here's a house plant, you now have a house plant, here's a living thing that's going to depend on you, here's some instructions for what it needs and how to take care of it. Don't let it try not to let it die, you know, kind of thing. And it's like, you know, find and take the opportunity to find joy and relaxation in doing that task. You know, given the opportunity, like here research, some some, you know, here's some resources on some plant blogs of people who have, you know, what they like to use and what they like to do. You know, I always one of my favorite things that I like learning about new clients is I always try and get at the heart of like, what do you geek? What's the thing that like you geek about and obsess over? Because finding that there's no fear of failure in that? Yeah, they love it too much to fear failure. And so I try and like bring that sense of, like, whether it's joy and or obsession, sometimes there's a fine line between those two things. I try and bring that into other tasks that we're focusing on and be like, how would you approach this? If it was, you know, this video game you love? Or you know, if it was this sport, you play? Or you know, this? I don't know. Kpop band that you're obsessed with? Right? Yeah, right. Yeah. And, and like, you know, because they don't, they don't have any sense of fear or worry over those things. Because they already feel like they're experts at it. Yeah. But it's because it's low stakes, nobody else has seen the expectations of them being perfect.Hannah Choi 1:04:12Yeah, that's great.Amy McDuffie 1:04:14Yeah, I mean, I think that's so important. And I, there's so much to be learned by failure. And I think, you know, like, as a parent, I feel like it's part of my job to to model for my kids that, you know, we all fail, you know, at times, you know, we all make mistakes. And, you know, it's like you said, it's not about, you know, the end result always it's the process of what you've learned along the way. And so I just do think it's really important to model that, you know, this is, you know, you know, it's part of life that that we run into, you know, struggles and, and failure at times. I remember when my kids were when my son was really young. I I read a book, I believe it was called The Gift of Failure. I can't remember the author's name. But it was really wonderful for me to read. And just to kind of look at failure from that perspective, because, you know, of course, we all want our kids to succeed and do well. But there is so much to be learned along the way with that struggle.Vin Kachuik 1:05:18The road to success is paved with bricks of failure, something something like that. Yeah.Hannah Choi 1:05:24Was it the Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown?Amy McDuffie 1:05:27No, it was not Brene. Brown. Hannah Choi 1:05:29Okay. Yeah, that's a good one, too. Something that I, that I really find helpful with failure is getting away from that black and white thinking of either success or failure, and how there's, there are so many layers to it, and so many, you might ultimately have failed, but maybe there's some kind of like, win along the way.Vin Kachuik 1:05:51Like you said, Any modeling for people, I think that's an important thing to acknowledge, too. I know personally, like when I was growing up, big time perfectionist, I would collapse and crumble at even the slightest hint of failure or criticism, and it made it so hard to learn and grow. And the really, I think, something that I personally had to do a lot of work for, was accepting that sense of like vulnerability, that feeling of discomfort, that feeling of it's okay to not meet these expectations, it's okay to not be perfect. And the thing that comes with that is you can be so much happier there. It's hard cultivating a lot of that inner strength. And I'm getting a little bit into, like therapeutic mindfulness, kind of talk here. But it, it's, it's ultimately so much better. I think it is that. I think that's the crux of the, what is it? Failure is, the the, or Hannah Choi 1:06:53Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life? Yeah, yeah, yeah.Vin Kachuik 1:06:57That's really what it

Acts 2:42-47 ● 2023-04-30 ● Easter Series ● Listen ● Watch They continued to hold firmly to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of the bread, and to the prayers. 43Awe came over every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. 44All the believers were together … He Lives 4) to Gather His Flock Read More »

Gina Livy's Facebook Lives from the Winter 2023 Weight Loss Group hosted on Facebook. This is a recording of the Day 67, 9 AM live. You can find the full video hosted at:https://www.facebook.com/groups/ginalivywinter2023Topics covered:Week 9 - how each week builds on the next @ IntroSpring group starts April 24, can sign up now @ 5:10Spill the Tea's - worth watchingMaximizing - Giving body what it needs as body levels up @ 10:48This group is a community @ 15:02Plateaus - time, maximize, adjust where you are at @ 16:35Plateaus - noticing the NSVs, body changes, increased health @ 23:44All the small things you can do makes a big difference @ 26:27Advice for those with children with feels about their weight @ 29:59Future livy loser gatherings @ 42:45To learn more about the Livy Method, visit www.ginalivy.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In today's episode, we're exploring the Executive function skill of time management. Peg Dawson, my favorite executive function guru and a former guest on Focus Forward, defines the skill of time management as “the capacity to estimate how much time one has, how to allocate it, and how to stay within time limits and deadlines”. She continues by arguing that this process starts with one simple insight: understanding that time is important in the first place! As an Executive Function coach, time management is a skill that comes up as a challenge for pretty much all of my clients. Over the years, my clients and I have worked together to develop systems that help them take control over time and how it impacts their lives. Today, I'm going to share with you a 4-step system that I've developed that can help you build time-management strategies that you'll be able to use for life.Time Management BasicsHow To Master Time Management – ADHD Skills Part 1 - Dr. Tracey Marks6 Simple Motivation Hacks for a More Productive LifeTime Management Tip: The UnscheduleTransition from High School to College: Time Management is Key15 Practical Ways to Improve Time Management Skills - Lifehack3 Time Management Tips That Actually Work - James ClearBig Rocks Video with Stephen CoveyEisenhower Matrix/Covey QuadrantsHow to Use Covey's 4 Quadrants Matrix for Effective Time ManagementThe Eisenhower Matrix: How to prioritize your to-do listAvoid the "Urgency Trap" with the Eisenhower MatrixLearn how to use Stephen Covey's 4 time quadrants to maximize your productivityHow to be More Productive and Eliminate Time Wasting Activities by Using the “Eisenhower Box” - James ClearManaging Phone DistractionThese simple steps will help you stop checking your phone so much10 Strategies to Limit Your Teen's Screen TimeOfftimeDial D for Distracted | The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie SantosScreen Use and Screen Addiction Resource PageContact us!Reach out to us at podcast@beyondbooksmart.comIG/FB/TikTok @beyondbooksmartcoachingTranscriptHannah Choi 00:04Hi everyone and welcome to Focus Forward, an Executive Function Podcast where we explore the challenges and celebrate the wins you'll experience as you change your life through working on improving your executive function skills. I'm your host, Hannah Choi. Before I dive into this episode, I wanted to let you know that you can listen and subscribe with ease to Focus Forward on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Spotify, and all the others. We'd love your help and sharing our podcasts too. So if you know someone who would benefit from our content, please share it with them. Our goal is to provide useful tips and life changing inspiration to as many people as possible, so thanks for your help. Hannah Choi 00:46In today's episode, I'm exploring the executive function skill of time management. Peg Dawson, my favorite executive function guru and a former guest on Focus Forward defines the skill of time management as the capacity to estimate how much time one has, how to allocate it, and how to stay within time limits and deadlines. She says it also involves a sense that time is important. As an executive function coach, time management is a skill that comes up as a challenge for pretty much all of my clients. Over the years, my clients and I have worked together to develop systems that help them take control over time, and how it impacts their lives. Hannah Choi 01:32Today, I'm going to share with you a system that I've developed that can help with this, it's got four components. First, figure out your relationship with time. Second, learn how to prioritize and then do some prioritizing. Third, implement tools and strategies that support your time management. And lastly, and most importantly, reflect on what you've done and modify your approach as needed. Hannah Choi 02:01If you're like, Man, I don't want to do all four steps, I just want to skip ahead to the tools and strategy section. That's okay, I get it. But hear me out for one sec. Yes, diving in and implementing tools and strategies right now will help in the short term, it will. But I truly believe that in order to make lasting change, and improve your time management skills for the long run, and you know, just like make it easier for your future self, you got to put in the time to do the other work. That being said, if you're still not convinced, skip ahead to about 12 minutes to hear the section on tools and strategies, I fully support your decision. And this next section will be waiting for you if you decide to come back for more. Hannah Choi 02:44All right, so if you're still with me, yay. Before we start, you just might want to get a pen and paper so you can write some ideas down. Taking notes is not just for students, it saves a ton of time for your future self and can absolutely help with being more effective with your time. Okay, so let's start with my first step, which as I said, is figuring out your relationship with time. And I don't mean that like weird part of a relationship where you're not sure if you're just friends, or if you've moved into them more-than-friends zone. Or you can actually just introduced them now as your boyfriend or girlfriend. I just mean how do you experience time? When you're doing stuff? Do you run out of time? Do you think things will take way longer than they actually do? Do you have a good idea of how time passes? Or do you have no idea that time is the thing at all. Learning about your relationship with time is valuable because it can help you plan and prioritize your day. If you know that you always run out of time when you're doing work for a particular class, then you know, you have to budget a little more time for those assignments. For example, I noticed that while I am actually quite good at time management, I do get overwhelmed when I have many things to do that are back to back. So I learned to always add 15 minutes to something to give me a little break before switching to a new activity. There are some good tools you can use to figure out this whole time relationship business. One of our favorites here at beyond booksmart is the BVA, which stands for budgeted versus actual. And this tool can help you figure out pretty darn quickly if you are an over or an under estimator of time. All right, so what you do is you pick a task. Well, ideally, you do this with a bunch of different tasks in different areas of your life. But if that feels like too much, that's okay. Just pick one thing. Okay, let's pick unloading the dishwasher. So you make a guess at how long it'll take you to unload the dishwasher. The then like start a timer and unload it at your regular speed but no rushing here, just regular speed. And then you remember to stop the timer. This is where I always get hung up and check the time was your guests over or under the actual time it took you, and by how much it can really help to be scientific about this. So if you can get yourself to time other tasks, I really encourage you to do it. But if not, just try to pay attention to whether you seem to run out of time or have time left over. It can also help to pay attention to what kind of tasks seem to take longer than you think they will. For example, tasks that require deep thinking and concentration, maybe physical tasks, and enjoyable or dreaded tasks. You might experience time differently with different things. So noticing these patterns can really help. Hannah Choi 05:44Okay, so that's how we can use a BVA to test our relationship with time. And later on, I'll explain how we can use a BVA to help us prioritize and plan. Some other quick ideas for learning how you experience time, you could wear a watch with a timer function, or use a visual timer. You can find them online that they're called time timers. And those can show you the visual passing of time. And then you can see how you feel when you really see that time passing. You can also look at your phone usage data. I had a client whose jaw literally dropped when I had him look at this, he had no idea he had been spending that much time on his phone. I will never forget the look on his face the poor guy. You can also ask the people in your life that you trust to see what their opinion is about your relationship with time. I admit this can put you in a very vulnerable spot, but it might be a worthwhile exercise. Hannah Choi 06:43Okay, so now that we figured out if time is our boyfriend or not, let's learn how to prioritize. Prioritizing is extremely important if you want to be better at time management. When you learn to prioritize, you can more easily plan your day with intention. Doing this will help you find it easier to focus and be more present. As you go through your day, you'll likely be more efficient, and hopefully, you'll feel less overwhelmed by all the things you have to do. Hannah Choi 07:14Before I dive into some tools for learning how to prioritize let's take a nerdy look at the word priority. The etymology of the word priority is pretty interesting. It comes from the word prioritize, which basically means the most important thing. And up until the mid 20th century, the word had no plural, you could just have one most important thing. Over time, people began having more than one most important thing. And when we have too many most important things life can become hard to manage, it can be hard to focus and we might lose sight of what truly is important. Hannah Choi 07:56There are two great activities that can help you figure out what your most important things are, and how to make sure that you can fit them into your day. The first is the big rocks activity. You may have seen the video of the professor showing his class how you can fit more rocks, pebbles and sand into a jar if you start with the big rocks first. These rocks represent your most important things, which we plan first because as you can see, if you put the smaller things in life first, in this situation, the pebbles in the sand, you won't be able to fit your rocks. If you have no idea what I'm talking about. You can find the link to this video in the show notes. Hannah Choi 08:43Another fantastic exercise for figuring out priorities is the Eisenhower matrix. It's also known as Covey quadrants. This tool helps you figure out what things in life are urgent, not urgent, important and not important. Covey assigned quadrant numbers to the matrix. So in quadrant one, you have important and urgent tasks like studying for a test. Finishing up that presentation for your boss or signing up your child for that art class that usually fills up in minutes. In quadrant two are your important but not urgent tasks, such as exercising and spending time with your family. Quadrant three are the dreaded urgent but not important to you tasks. Phone calls that interrupt your work time emails are just things you feel like you should do because someone else asked you to do them. And then quadrant four is not urgent and not important. Doom scrolling, binge watching TV getting lost in social media. Those are all in this quadrant. Hannah Choi 09:52I could do a whole separate episode on strategies for managing the tasks within each quadrant. So unfortunately there is no way I can cover it all in today's episode. But I encourage you to try this exercise, assign the things you do all day into each quadrant and see where your priorities lie. And then check out the show notes for more ideas on how to manage them. Basically, it comes down to doing the quadrant one things, delegating the quadrant three things so that you can have more time for the quadrant two things. And quadrant four, that quadrant can actually be really helpful. If you find yourself spending a ton of time on quadrant four things, it might be your brains way of telling you it doesn't like how things are escaping to quadrant four may mean that you need to pay attention to what's going on in the other quadrants and maybe make some major shifts in your life. I've also heard of this matrix used with the qualities of productive, unproductive, necessary and unnecessary if these terms resonate with you more try this exercise using those qualities instead. Hannah Choi 11:07In addition to figuring out your priorities, there are some simple tricks you can use to prioritize and plan your day. A simple to do list with the most important task written at the top can work wonders. Some people like to start with the easy things to get the ball rolling. Usually I start with the worst thing first. Because if I don't get that worst thing out of the way, it just stares at me from my to do list with its beady little eyes and just ruins the rest of my day. Regardless of whether you start with the easy stuff, or the hard, the key is just to be realistic and not put too many things on that list. Hannah Choi 11:44You can also use that BVA I mentioned earlier when prioritizing the things you need to do in your day. When you use the BVA to time yourself, you'll then know how long things will take. And you'll know if you need to add extra time. And this will help you know when you can fit them into your day. Hannah Choi 12:03Once you know what your most important things are, how long things will take and what your relationship with time is like you can build routines into your day that are based on all this information. The more we can learn about ourselves and how we prioritize and plan, the more effective our time management will be. And we don't have to do this alone. There are tons of tools and strategies and resources out there that can support you in your quest to manage your time more effectively. Like I've said in pretty much every episode, there's no way I can cover every time management tool in this one episode. So I'll highlight a few and then I encourage you to check out the show notes for more ideas. Hannah Choi 12:46The first thing I recommend is to consider using a planner or a digital calendar if you're not already using one. Some people use them just for remembering things like dentist appointments, work schedules or other commitments like that. They can be especially useful for families or groups who are managing multiple people's schedules. Some people find planners and calendars helpful for scheduling what they'll do during their entire day. Ally, who shared her calendar strategy in our episode all about ADHD does this. She said she doesn't always follow it exactly. But she likes having it as a guide, and definitely gets more done on those days than on the days that she doesn't schedule it out. Hannah Choi 13:28Two really simple tools that can be used together are the to do list that I just mentioned, and the Pomodoro Technique as you work through that list. The Pomodoro Technique is a method of working in chunks of time. For example, you would work for 25 minutes, take a five minute break, and then go back to work. I also encourage my clients to pay attention to diminishing returns if they prefer not to use a timer. Diminishing Returns is an economic principle that can be applied here. In this situation, it means that the effort you're putting in no longer benefits you as it did when you first started the activity. So say you're reading and you realize that you have read the same line over and over again, it's probably time to take a break or switch activities. Hannah Choi 14:18There are a lot of tech options out there for supporting your time management. I am a big fan of timers and alarms. In addition to using a timer for the Pomodoro Technique, I use it to remind me of the passage of time. If I have a big project that I'm enjoying working on and I know that I need to stop at a certain point to go pick up one of my kids or attend a meeting, and I don't want to be interrupted by repeatedly checking the clock. I'll set an alarm for when I should stop working. I can then work without looking at the clock. Hannah Choi 14:51I also use calendar alerts to help myself as well. You can change the default Event Reminder to whatever works best for you. I have mine set for one hour, 30 minutes and 10 minutes, which sounds like a lot, but it really works for me. And in addition to calendar alerts, you can use digital reminders or tasks. both Apple and Google have these features. So if you're not already using them, I encourage you to check them out. And if you wear a smartwatch, you can configure it so that your calendar and task notifications pop up on your watch. This can be super helpful because you can see the notification without picking up your phone. Hannah Choi 15:31And speaking of phones, being mindful of your phone use, and keeping that in check is a big part of time management these days. Falling into the Instagram trap or getting stuck in some other Quadrant for activity is an annoyingly effective way of derailing your time management progress. Take a look at your phone usage and consider setting limits on how much time you can spend in apps that feel like time sucks. Research shows that just having your phone near you, even if you can't see it can impact your productivity. Try to experiment and leave your phone in the other room. Are you more productive and manage your time better when your phone's not around? Hannah Choi 16:10My last suggestion is to create a SMART goal for situations where you need to be very efficient with your time. If you aren't familiar with smart goals, I'll explain them for you here. SMART goals are an organized and thoughtful way of creating a system to help you reach a goal by making that goal more meaningful. Making goals more meaningful increases the chance of achieving them. SMART is an acronym and stands for specific, measurable, achievable, yet ambitious, relevant and realistic, and time bound. You thoughtfully consider each step in the process and write down details about each. First you define your specific goal. Then you determine how you will measure your progress. Then you'll describe how it's both achievable and also ambitious. Then you explain how it is relevant in your life and how it is realistic for you to attempt this goal right now. And lastly, you'll set a time goal a deadline. Once you've completed this process, you use other tools and strategies to support yourself as you work towards your goal and executive function coaching colleague of mine here at Beyond BookSmart has used SMART goals to help her clients create routines that make mornings easier. Working through a SMART goal in this situation has multiple benefits. At the most basic level, her clients have a less stressful morning, which is just a much better way to start the day. Filling out each step of the SMART goal helps our clients explore their relationship with time, and they can use it to reflect on the strategies that they're using to make their mornings more efficient. Hannah Choi 18:02Reflecting on what we're working on is critical to making lasting change. And this is my last step in learning how to master your own time management. Reflecting on your efforts helps you learn about what works and what doesn't. figuring all this out helps you fine tune the strategies that you're using. And this reflection process can look different for everyone. If you're more of a data person, the scientific thinker, you might want to track your progress using a habit tracker. You can learn about this in episode three of Focus Forward. You can take notes, or just write down your thoughts about your experience using different tools, you could revisit that BVA and retime yourself to see if things are taking a different amount of time than they used to. Hannah Choi 18:51If being scientific about it feels like too much. And that's okay, because not everyone thinks that way. You can just kind of pay attention to how you feel. Do you feel less tired at the end of the day? Because you're managing your time better? Do you notice that you're crossing off more things on your to do list? Are you arriving at meetings or appointments on time more often than you were before? Do you feel like a better friend or partner because you have more time to spend with your loved ones? There are lots of things you can notice just by paying a little more attention to how things are going for you. And once you've made some observations about your time management, you might want to tweak certain tools or add a new one or maybe even abandon a tool altogether. Or you might find that your system is working great. And then you can take yourself out for some ice cream as a reward. However you do it, do whatever is right for yourself. And that's what reflection is all about - learning about yourself and doing things the way they work for you.Hannah Choi 19:49And that is our show for today. I really hope you found some strategies in this episode that help you improve your time management skills. Even just taking a little step towards improvement will make a big difference. And thank you for taking time out of your day to listen. If you are enjoying focus forward, please share it. As I said before, we would love that, you can subscribe to our podcast on Apple podcast, Google podcast, Spotify, and more. And if you haven't yet, subscribe to the podcast newsletter at beyond booksmart.com/podcast will let you know when new episodes drop and we'll share topics and information related to the episode. Thanks for listening!

 Episode 19 Owning Your StorySPEAKERSSurabhi, Lindsay Lindsay  00:00I'm Lindsay Mustaine and this is the career design podcast made for driven ambitious square pegs and round holes type professionals who see things differently and challenge the status quo. We obliterate obstacles and unlock hidden pathways to overcome and succeed where others have not stagnation feels like death, and we are unwilling to compromise our integrity and settle for being average in any way. We are the backbone of any successful business and those who overlook our potential are doomed to a slow demise. We do work that truly matters aligns with our purpose, and in turn, we make our lasting mark on the world. We are the dreamers, doers, legends, and visionaries who are called to make our most meaningful contribution and love what we do.  Welcome to the career design podcast today I am so excited to introduce you to my guest and her name is Surabhi Sawhney. And she is somebody who has been a part of my intentional career design program and really going through the milestones of how to really expand your career and design the kind of impact that you want to make professionally in the world. So thank you so much for joining me today. Surabhi  01:03Thank you for having me. Lindsay  01:05So tell me a little bit about how you got started on this journey. And what made sense to you about career design. Surabhi  01:11I've been an entrepreneur, most of my life, I did have a life incorporate for a while, and then just opportunities came my way. And I challenged myself to deliver and to over-deliver in most anything that I did. And I didn't stop to say this is not what my career path is, I need to be in corporate America I need to be in or as an entrepreneur, I just saw them as challenges and as goals and as something that I would like to deliver and kind of rise from and learn from. So most of my life has been spent in opportunities that came my way and then making them into successes. But you know, COVID affected the last business that I was running, that I had chosen to do here in the US. And I really kind of took a pause to look at my career, what I've done, what I've accomplished, what I've learned, and what is it that I want to do next. And the growth that I've experienced over the last, you know, 10 to 15 years kind of channeled me to be an individual contributor in, in a field that I'm good at, which is helping others seeing what's needed, and then just giving my best to help them achieve their goals. That's what I realized my happiness came from is to see others succeed. And that was my success. So once I kind of channeled that information into my goal, I started looking at what I wanted to do, because I had done a little bit of recruiting and I had done sales slash business development slash customer success. And I happened to be looking at LinkedIn every day. But nothing really resonated internally until I found this specific job that really spoke to me and I decided to apply for it. But I didn't have the structure to because I've been an entrepreneur all this time, I haven't really worked on my resume or you know, made myself into this candidate-focused approach. And I happen to come across Lindsay's international career design, it was some kind of a web Facebook or LinkedIn podcast that you were doing, or video seminar. And I I hooked on to it. And I've heard a lot of career coaches, the one thing that really stood out from international career design was your spirit was your energy was everything that you were saying were so spot on, to everything that it all resonated with me. And that's the reason why I decided to join because not only was there a structure where there was accountability, and there was it was it's a very total package. And there's a lot of expectations from me, personally, there's nobody holding your hand and taking you somewhere but you need to be on that journey yourself and deliver to each module that's in there. So that's how I got on to career design. And started focusing on more I would say more like it was it's a complete package of not only a resume and the tactical things but also a self-development, networking Ninja, just learning how to become a candidate of choice for companies. But then I also linked into your dreamer collective that you give an option to kind of, you know, look into and experience for yourself. And that really got me hooked on because that got my wheels in my head turning about self-development, having a community to kind of bounce ideas off of, and practice my skills. With my friends and community members as to, you know, hearing the voices that are from outside, what do I sound like when I'm talking to somebody else? What is the reaction that I'm getting from four different people that I trust, and it's a safe place to kind of talk and grow as a person? And that I think really, really helped me to be where I am today. So I really thank you for that Lindsay to create that environment, and you apparently attract the best of the best. So that's been really good. Lindsay  05:32I'm honored and  that means so much to me. And yes, I think our community is filled with the people who are going to change the world. Absolutely. So and you are an amazing part of that community. So thank you for being a part of it.  Surhabi: 05:45One thing I do want to kind of say is that the biggest thing that kind of came across me and the reason why I am succeeding at my job search my interviews, is the self-awareness part of it and controlling what I can control, which is myself, I can't control the external, you know, factors out there, I can't control companies, I can't control the people who interview me, I can't control a lot of other things. And what I did was change my focus and make my focus more on me, how do I show up? What do I align myself with, and doing my best in everything that I did, but not expecting success from the other side? And I think that has been, you know, a total game-changer for me, where, when you don't expect and you're very calm in your you know, you just bring your best self to the table. And you don't expect the other person to either appreciate or on appreciate. You just be yourself. And you talk about yourself. And the lucky part was right when I joined your program, I was I also started interviewing with a company. And the first interview that I went to was rough. It was my first time I had done a practice interview with coal. But when I went on this interview, the feedback I got was, you know, you're not following the star pattern or you know, the star. What is it called the kind of star? The superstar forward method is how we write. Surabhi  07:22Right, which is wonderful. I love the superstar forward method. But I was not even following that I was he was digging to find out answers, I was not owning my story. I was like, Well, my, you know, experience may not be exactly relevant to what they're talking about. So I was holding back. And right away, the interviewer came back to me with great feedback, saying, here's the great part about you. And here's what you need to work on. And one of the things that you need to work on is, I had to really dig to find answers in your, in the questions that I asked you. And that took a lot of time, and you need to work on that for your next interview. So he did put me forward to the next interview. But I learned from that and you know, I think you and I spoke and I told you about me not owning my story. And then Becky saying, you know, just be who you are. And it really made a difference. I started practicing more. I called on my good close friends to listen to me answer the questions. They kind of reformatted it for me and say, you know, what about this, what about this, you've done sometimes you don't see what's inside of you, others do. So it's very important to bring in the outside to kind of look inside you and say, Here's where you're not even looking at what you've done. And these are, you know, your achievements or accomplishments. So that really helped me be better at answering the questions, being more substantive acts ask, you know, owning my own story and just being me and that's what got through me through the last interview, and you know, was offered the job because of that. So that became really clear. And the more interviews I've done, the better I've gotten it, the more comfortable I've been at it just being me because I realized that my experience means something, I am bringing things to the table, I don't need external validation for them to tell me what I've already achieved. So those things owning your own story being clear in what you want being targeted, not wanting perfection. I'm a perfectionist overall. And I realized that perfection is the enemy of progress, which I've heard from so many people unless you own it and kind of practice it in your life that I'm making progress every day, whatever little is. Maybe I work on something small on myself every day that 1% will bring about you know, those little atomic changes that you do in your life and having confidence in myself and kind of standing in my own power. The reason why today I'm very comfortable walking away from things or going into things or talking to me anybody at any level is that I stand in my own power, I kind of own my own. You know, my insight into life, my experiences, my challenges, everything that I need to work on, as well as what I've done well so that that kind of sums up where I am today. It's all about attitude and self-awareness. Lindsay  10:25I love that so much. So if you were to give a piece of advice for somebody who's thinking, Okay, I'm ready to do something more, I feel called to make a greater contribution, I'm looking to do work that truly aligns to my purpose to my power. What would you say about intentional career design? Surabhi  10:42I think the biggest thing that you can do to start anywhere in life, whether it's your career, or your personal life is having clarity, and kind of honing down into one or two things. If you want to do too many things. The people outside are confused as to who you are and what you bring to the table. So I've kind of intentionally stuck to one thing, I can do a lot of things, but what am I really good at? What is the end result of what I do? I kind of stuck to that. And there were other people who started looking at me and saying, Oh, my God, I see you're really good at this. Could you work with me on that? So when your abilities and your USP kind of becomes visible to the outside, I read somewhere that really resonated with me, where they say your confidence in yourself is seen as capability by others. And that I think really resonated with me is my confidence in myself to do what I've done my experiences, is seen as capability as others if you don't have confidence in what you can do. Others won't either. So my advice to people is always to have clarity in what you want and what you present to the world. Don't make it very wide, make it more targeted. Don't try and be perfect. Have confidence in yourself, because you've done it before and have consistency. Show up. Do the work that's required a little bit every day. don't overwhelm yourself. Don't try and, you know, apply for jobs, interview, work on yourself, read books, like everything together, sometimes can be too much. So do a little bit every day, the day that you're not interviewing, work on yourself the day that you are interviewing, just focus on that. So focus on little things at a time and I think that for me has been successful. Lindsay  12:36I love it. Thank you so much for giving your words of wisdom and congratulations on all of your success. Here we are so very proud of you. Surabhi  12:43Thank you. Lindsay  12:44All right, thank you so much for tuning into the podcast today. Now we are moving towards releasing intentional career design. So stay tuned because more details are coming and thanks for listening today.

We back y'all with the first episode of 2021 !!!

“Amen, I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the other contributors to the treasury. For they have all contributed from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty, has contributed all she had, her whole livelihood.”  Mark 12:43-44All she put into the basket was two small coins worth only a few cents.  Yet Jesus declares that she put in more than all the rest.  Are you buying that?  It’s hard to accept that it’s true.  Our tendency is to think of the monetary value of the large sums of money being deposited before this poor widow’s.  Those deposits are far more desirable than the two small coins she put in.  Right?  Or not?If we take Jesus at His word then we should be far more grateful for the widow’s two coins than the large sums of money deposited before her.  That’s not to say that the large sums of money were not good and generous gifts.  They most likely were.  God took those gifts also and used them.  But here Jesus is highlighting a contrast between spiritual wealth and material wealth.  And He’s saying that spiritual wealth, and spiritual generosity, is of far greater importance than material wealth, and material generosity.  The poor widow was materially poor but spiritually rich.  Those with the large sums of money were materially rich, but spiritually poorer than the widow.  In the materialistic society we live in, it’s hard to believe this.  It’s very hard to make the conscious choice to embrace spiritual wealth as a far greater blessing.  Why is this hard?  Because in order to embrace spiritual wealth one must give up everything.  We must all become this poor widow and contribute all we have, our “whole livelihood.”  Now, some may immediately react to this statement as extreme.  It’s not extreme.  There is nothing wrong with being blessed with material wealth, but there is something wrong with being attached to it.  What is essential is an interior disposition which imitates the generosity and spiritual poverty of this poor widow.  She wanted to give and she wanted to make a difference.  So she gave all she had.Each person must discern how this looks practically in their lives.  This doesn’t mean that everyone must literally sell all they have and go become a monk.  But it does mean that everyone must have an interior disposition of complete generosity and detachment.  From there, the Lord will show you how to use the material things within your possession for your greatest good, as well as the good of others.Reflect, today, upon the contrast of these two forms of wealth and choose that which lasts for eternity.  Give all you have and all you are to our Lord and allow Him to direct the generosity of your heart in accord with His perfect will.Lord, please give me the generous and selfless heart of this poor widow.  Help me to look for ways that I am called to give completely of myself to You, holding nothing back, seeking above all the spiritual riches of Your Kingdom.  Jesus, I trust in You.Source of content: catholic-daily-reflections.comCopyright © 2020 My Catholic Life! Inc. All rights reserved. Used with permission via RSS feed.

The Holy Spirit Comes at Pentecost 1When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. 2Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. 3They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. 4All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues2:4 Or languages; also in verse 11 as the Spirit enabled them. 5Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. 6When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard their own language being spoken. 7Utterly amazed, they asked: “Aren’t all these who are speaking Galileans? 8Then how is it that each of us hears them in our native language? 9Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia,2:9 That is, the Roman province by that name 10Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome 11(both Jews and converts to Judaism); Cretans and Arabs—we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!” 12Amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, “What does this mean?” 13Some, however, made fun of them and said, “They have had too much wine.” Peter Addresses the Crowd 14Then Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice and addressed the crowd: “Fellow Jews and all of you who live in Jerusalem, let me explain this to you; listen carefully to what I say. 15These people are not drunk, as you suppose. It’s only nine in the morning! 16No, this is what was spoken by the prophet Joel: 17“ ‘In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. 18Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days, and they will prophesy. 19I will show wonders in the heavens above and signs on the earth below, blood and fire and billows of smoke. 20The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord. 21And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’2:21 Joel 2:28-32 22“Fellow Israelites, listen to this: Jesus of Nazareth was a man accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know. 23This man was handed over to you by God’s deliberate plan and foreknowledge; and you, with the help of wicked men,2:23 Or of those not having the law (that is, Gentiles) put him to death by nailing him to the cross. 24But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him. 25David said about him: “ ‘I saw the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 26Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest in hope, 27because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, you will not let your holy one see decay. 28You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.’2:28 Psalm 16:8-11 (see Septuagint) 29“Fellow Israelites, I can tell you confidently that the patriarch David died and was buried, and his tomb is here to this day. 30But he was a prophet and knew that God had promised him on oath that he would place one of his descendants on his throne. 31Seeing what was to come, he spoke of the resurrection of the Messiah, that he was not abandoned to the realm of the dead, nor did his body see decay. 32God has raised this Jesus to life, and we are all witnesses of it. 33Exalted to the right hand of God, he has received from the Father the promised Holy Spirit and has poured out what you now see and hear. 34For David did not ascend to heaven, and yet he said, “ ‘The Lord said to my Lord: “Sit at my right hand 35until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet.” ’2:35 Psalm 110:1 36“Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Messiah.” 37When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” 38Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.” 40With many other words he warned them; and he pleaded with them, “Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.” 41Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. The Fellowship of the Believers 42They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.  

12 represents unity that results from God being in control:We want to look at 2 groups where God uses the number 12 to communicate His plan for unity and His leadership along the path to perfect (or complete) unity:12 Sons12 ApostlesI believe that if we take a look at the way these are presented and represented in scripture we can begin to see what happens when we follow His path and also when we leave the path.I believe that these lead us and teach us concerning our:Families [sons]Church [Apostles]Our families are to exist in unity – that means our desire should be to love and support each other – the Biblical instruction to “bear one another’s burdens and thus fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal.6:2) should be practiced in our earthly families in order for us to be able to make it possible in our spiritual families.We see an example of the struggles that can develop in the lives of those around us when we don’t follow God’s path in our families in the dynamics of the 12 Sons of Israel.What happens when the path is ignored:Gen 42:32, “We were twelve brothers, sons of one father. One is no more, and the youngest is now with our father in Canaan.”What’s going on here?What happens when the path is not followed:A Father’s heart is brokenA Father choosing one son over othersJealousyGreedA brother betrayedLiesDistrust among brothersDisunityWhat happens when the path is followed:Gen. 45:4-7, Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! 5And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. 6For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing and reaping. 7But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.”ForgivenessRestorationRedemptionUnityThe 12 Apostles represent the completeness of God’s plan for the Church.The Church was created to exist in unity: One of the main things that Jesus prayed about was our unity – John 17:11, “I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to You. Holy Father, protect them by the power of Your name, the name you gave Me, so that they may be one as We are One.”The 12 were to be a model for unity and a foundation for the Church’s unity.What happens when that path is ignored:Mark 10:35-37, Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to Him. “Teacher,” they said, “we want You to do for us whatever we ask.”“What do you want Me to do for you?” He asked. They replied, “Let one of us sit at Your right and the other at Your left in Your glory.”This is not the path that God intends for His Church.What this leads to:JealousyDistrustPower struggleSelfishnessDisunityHowever when the path is followed:Acts 2:42-47, They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.What this leads to:Deeper relationships with each other and JesusGenerosityStrengthGlad heartsA good reputationA platform for sharing the messageSalvation for othersUnity

Longing For Belonging WHAT DOES OUR BELONGING ENVIRONMENT LOOK LIKE? BECOME Ministry Mentoring You Matter Least People ras Acts 2 42They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. BELIEVE Weekend Worship God Matters Most People Find Faith Heart's Treasure Inspiration Done For You Leadership Dynamic Part of a Whole Reward Attendance BELONG Home Teams People Matter Less People Find Friendship Home Teaching Application Done with You Group Dynamic Part of a Group Reward Participation Biblical Direction 42a They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching WHY DO SOME PEOPLE LONG TO BELONG AND OTHER PEOPLE DON'T? Fear, Apathy, Lack of Understanding, Sin, Past Hurts, Family Issues, Relational Disorders. Energetic Connection WHY SHOULD MY BELONGING GO TO THE NEXT LEVEL? 42b, 43 to the breaking of bread and to prayer. |43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. ANSWER? John 15:12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Loving Affection 44, 45 All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. HOW CAN MY BELONGING GO TO THE NEXT LEVEL? ANSWER? John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Open Reflection 46a Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. Never Rejection Belonging People: _ Who Has Helped You Belong? 46b, 47a They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. Belonging Power: _ Who Has Helped You Belong? Growth 47b And the Lord added to their number daily Multiplication those who were being saved. GOD HAS GIVEN YOU SOME FRIENDS! NOW, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO FOR THEM? WHAT'S YOUR NEXT LEVEL OF BELONGING FRIENDSHIP?

Pastor Z. Legend June 1, 2014 We Are A Family Acts 2:42-47 42They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.