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To some, the act of writing a memoir might seem daunting, invasive, or navel-gazing. But excavating memories, noticing patterns, and revisiting events from other points of view can lead to healing—regardless of whether your work gets published. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Melissa Febos. Melissa is the bestselling author of five books, including Girlhood—winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism—and a forthcoming memoir, The Dry Season. She teaches us how to create our own narrative in ways that are safe for you and empathetic of others. If you liked this episode check out: Carvell Wallace on Another Word for Love, How To Start Writing (with Anna Quindlen and John Dickerson), and How To Get Your Book Published Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
To some, the act of writing a memoir might seem daunting, invasive, or navel-gazing. But excavating memories, noticing patterns, and revisiting events from other points of view can lead to healing—regardless of whether your work gets published. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Melissa Febos. Melissa is the bestselling author of five books, including Girlhood—winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism—and a forthcoming memoir, The Dry Season. She teaches us how to create our own narrative in ways that are safe for you and empathetic of others. If you liked this episode check out: Carvell Wallace on Another Word for Love, How To Start Writing (with Anna Quindlen and John Dickerson), and How To Get Your Book Published Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
To some, the act of writing a memoir might seem daunting, invasive, or navel-gazing. But excavating memories, noticing patterns, and revisiting events from other points of view can lead to healing—regardless of whether your work gets published. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Melissa Febos. Melissa is the bestselling author of five books, including Girlhood—winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism—and a forthcoming memoir, The Dry Season. She teaches us how to create our own narrative in ways that are safe for you and empathetic of others. If you liked this episode check out: Carvell Wallace on Another Word for Love, How To Start Writing (with Anna Quindlen and John Dickerson), and How To Get Your Book Published Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
To some, the act of writing a memoir might seem daunting, invasive, or navel-gazing. But excavating memories, noticing patterns, and revisiting events from other points of view can lead to healing—regardless of whether your work gets published. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Melissa Febos. Melissa is the bestselling author of five books, including Girlhood—winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism—and a forthcoming memoir, The Dry Season. She teaches us how to create our own narrative in ways that are safe for you and empathetic of others. If you liked this episode check out: Carvell Wallace on Another Word for Love, How To Start Writing (with Anna Quindlen and John Dickerson), and How To Get Your Book Published Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
To some, the act of writing a memoir might seem daunting, invasive, or navel-gazing. But excavating memories, noticing patterns, and revisiting events from other points of view can lead to healing—regardless of whether your work gets published. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Melissa Febos. Melissa is the bestselling author of five books, including Girlhood—winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism—and a forthcoming memoir, The Dry Season. She teaches us how to create our own narrative in ways that are safe for you and empathetic of others. If you liked this episode check out: Carvell Wallace on Another Word for Love, How To Start Writing (with Anna Quindlen and John Dickerson), and How To Get Your Book Published Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
To some, the act of writing a memoir might seem daunting, invasive, or navel-gazing. But excavating memories, noticing patterns, and revisiting events from other points of view can lead to healing—regardless of whether your work gets published. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Melissa Febos. Melissa is the bestselling author of five books, including Girlhood—winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism—and a forthcoming memoir, The Dry Season. She teaches us how to create our own narrative in ways that are safe for you and empathetic of others. If you liked this episode check out: Carvell Wallace on Another Word for Love, How To Start Writing (with Anna Quindlen and John Dickerson), and How To Get Your Book Published Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
PUT EXPLICIT ON HERE:This week, I'm joined by author Kristen Arnett. We chat about clown and how they relate to her latest novel, Stop Me If You've Heard This One. Guest Book Author Recommendation: Eliza Kennedy Lucky Night recommends The Empusium by Olga Tokarczuk Book Recommendations:State of Paradise by Laura Van Den BergHot Air by Marcy DermasnkyLot by Bryan WashingtonKate & Frida by Kim FeyDry Season by Melissa FebosWomen's Hotel by Daniel M. Lavery Substack through my Read with Me program.Giveaway: Kristen Arnett's Stop Me If You've Heard This One on Instagram LINK UP Closes April 16th. Click here to find out ways in which you can help the attack on Federal funding for libraries. On Social Media: Twitter @Instagram Kristen_ArnettBlue Sky Kristen ArnettSubstack: Dad LessonsLink up to her column, Am I the Literary Asshole on Lit Hub Support the showGet your Books Are My People coffee mug here!I hope you all have a wonderfully bookish week!
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Join Krystal and Alexa as they talk about navigating dry seasons; specifically, how we get into dry seasons, how we should navigate dry seasons, and ways the Lord can use dry seasons to grow us. Subscribe to our Podcast Newsletter! Products Mentioned: Rivers of Renewal Related Resources: New Morning, New Mercies Journal Prayers for Today Notepad - Green Laurel Connect with us: The Daily Grace Co. | Facebook | Instagram | Daily Grace Blog | The opinions of guests on the Daily Grace podcast do not represent the opinions of The Daily Grace Co., and we do not necessarily endorse the resources that they recommend or mention on the show. We believe it is valuable to hear from a variety of guests, even if we do not agree in all areas. As always, the statements made by hosts and guests on the show should be tested against God's Word, the only authority on truth.
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Saint Lucians urged to prioritize water conservation and storage, as authorities scale up preparations ahead of the 2025 dry season.
Scorching sun, no rain, dry air, hot night and dusty day. Dry season is definitely here.With the dry season dust, also comes cough and catarrh, and to Asthmatic patients, this can be a really difficulty time.How do people cope?In this episode of our Daily podcast, we talk about ways to cope the dry dusty season.
Join host Paige Cross and Weed Smart agronomist Chris Davey (CD) in this episode of the MSF Farm Talk Podcast as they discuss the GRDC field day focused on optimising soil amelioration efficiency. CD explores how weeds can indicate underlying soil health issues and shares various soil amelioration techniques to mitigate weed pressure. The conversation also touches on crop competition, soil health improvement strategies, and considerations for future growing seasons, particularly in the context of dry conditions. This episode is full of practical advice for long-term weed management and crop success. 00:00 Introduction to MSF Farm Talk Podcast 00:52 Exploring Soil Amelioration Techniques 01:33 Understanding Soil Health Through Weeds 05:08 Strategies for Soil Amelioration and Weed Management 11:11 Considerations for Dry Seasons and Future Planning 14:50 Conclusion and Final Thoughts This podcast was brought to you by the GRDC NGN project 'Optimising soil amelioration costs in typical Mallee soils'. Support the show: https://msfp.org.au/about/membership/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Send us a textHi Fam! Have you ever struggled to feel God's presence, or see God's hand in your life? Has there every been a time in your life where things just felt like they were falling apart? Would you say you have experienced a dry season in your past? If so, did you know dry seasons happen for a reason?!Join in on the The Clap Back Couch's discussion with new author and divinity school graduate Danielle Monique on the characteristics of dry seasons, their purpose, and ways to navigate through it all! Scriptural References (in no particular order): 1. Job (The whole book!) 2. Isaiah 59:2 "But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear."3. Ephesians 6:14-18 "Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people." 4. Hebrews 11:6 "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."5. John 7:37-38 " On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”6. Hebrews 12:6 “My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son."7. Exodus 32:1 "When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don't know what has happened to him." 8. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."9. Romans 12:15 "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."By God's grace, we are able to provide our content free of charge. For those who wish to sow into The Clap Back Couch, feel free to leave us a donation on Venmo @clapbackcouch! The Clap Back Couch was ranked #11 of the Top 25 Black Christian Podcasts! Check out Feedspot.com for more! Top 25 Black Christian Podcast
Feeling stuck in life? Discover how to push past stagnation by understanding the Four Spiritual Seasons. In this enlightening video, I delve into the unique seasons of Harvest, Pruning, Dry, and Stretching—each offering profound insights into our personal and spiritual growth. Through engaging storytelling and personal anecdotes, I reveal how embracing these seasons can empower you to navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience.Explore how the Stretching Season expanded my horizons as I transitioned from corporate life to entrepreneurship, and learn the significance of recognizing the Dry Seasons as opportunities for internal growth. Witness the transformative power of the Pruning Season, where letting go paves the way for greater blessings.Join me as we dive deep into these cycles, find clarity, and embrace change. Reflect on your own season, and let's engage in an enriching conversation. Subscribe for more inspiring content, share this video to spread awareness, and join the movement towards personal and spiritual growth.
As the rainy season ends, Nigerian farmers are shifting their focus to dry season farming, a vital strategy for maintaining agricultural output during the months of reduced rainfall.In today's episode of Nigeria Daily, we discuss strategies that farmers can use to stay productive in the face of drought and climate change
It's already getting dry in Canterbury, and I still need to do a lot of planting in order to save us from starvation. Juuls has planted Christmas spuds. Seed potatoes: “chitted” (meaning the “eyes” have started to run out) and the plants are doing well – shooting up in their large tubs on the deck. Every week or so we carefully add some soil on top of the stuff that's already there, so that the main stem will produce more and more potatoes. This is Julie's “spud race” for the spring challenge at her work. Potato fertiliser always has a bit more “P” (Phosphate) in it to encourage root growth and tuber growth. Jersey Bennes and such early varieties are probably the best to use before Christmas. Potato-Tomato Psyllid I don't want to play Russian Roulette with this pest: it damages potatoes and tomatoes, so I prefer to keep potatoes well away from my tomato tunnelhouse. It's called Biosecurity! Tomatoes Should have been sown now in seed-raising mix and transplanted outside when the frost danger is over; in the tunnelhouse I don't have that problem, so can bang them in as soon as they are 20cm tall with good roots. I've got my favourite line up: Tigerella, Sweet 100, Black Krim, Artisan Blush, etc, plus some new stuff I uplifted from the Kings Seed Catalogue. Initially feed them with general fertiliser and start using tomato/Rose fertiliser when flowers develop the new fruit – Seaweed Tea (Wet&Forget) Broad beans are another must in our garden – I was lucky to have them survive the winter and self-seeded in the coldest months of the year The related French beans need to be sown too – do a row every month or so, so keep the supply coming during summer and into autumn! If you've never tried growing Witlof (endive) try sowing it now. During spring and summer, you grow the root system sturdy and large. In late autumn harvest the roots and bury them in a tub with sandy soil in a dark spot (under the house). The roots will sprout these white and delicious chicons which taste wonderful and bitter; recipes everywhere! Even the French like them. I usually keep up with my lettuce (COS!) and spring onions but will need to plonk in the peas and beans ASAP before the summer sun creates havoc. These crops have a habit to grow in just about any soil condition. As long as they have good light and are not kept too dry. Liquid fertiliser seems to be the best way to keep 'em happy, and when I chuck Seafood Soup and Seaweed Tea on them they shoot up with vapour trails LISTEN ABOVE See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Megan sits with her sweet friend Jaclyn Brooke (@jaclynnnbrooke) as part of her maternity leave series: what God is speaking to you about! They talk about losing your fire for God. They dive into mindsets to combat, dry seasons, how to get your fire for God back and persevere. Listen AD-FREE: https://shelivespurposefully.supercast.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Summary The speaker discusses the parable of the prodigal son and explores the different characters in the story. He emphasizes the rejection of identifying with the prodigal son and encourages listeners to see themselves as the father or the jealous brother. The speaker also highlights the importance of reaching out to others and making new disciples. He questions why Christians often seek constant validation from God and suggests that it may stem from a lack of faith or an unhealthy obsession. The message concludes with a call to join in the mission of fulfilling God's work. Keywords parable, prodigal son, rejection, father, jealous brother, reaching out, discipleship, validation, faith, mission Takeaways The parable of the prodigal son invites us to see ourselves as the father or the jealous brother, rather than identifying solely with the prodigal son. As Christians, we are called to reach out to others and make new disciples, focusing on their journey with Christ rather than constantly seeking validation from God. We should have faith that God is always with us, even in the dry seasons, and trust in His presence and guidance. The story challenges us to take responsibility for fulfilling God's work and to act as His image-bearers in the world. Our mission as Christians is to go out and do good deeds, rather than solely relying on God's constant attention and reassurance. Reaching Out and Making New Disciples Fulfilling God's Work: Our Responsibility "Why are we so obsessed as strong Christians, why are we so obsessed with this constant need of validation from God?" "You've accepted Jesus in your life, He's always there, and He's even closer than before." "It's not always about my journey with Christ. Sometimes it's about, me help this person with their journey in Christ." Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Background 03:02 The Jealous Brother and Rejection 05:23 Identifying with Different Characters in the Story 07:42 Pushing People Away: Pharisees' Attitude 08:18 Obsession with Validation from God 09:26 The Father's Unconditional Love 11:09 Responsibility to Make New Disciples 12:15 God's Presence in the Dry Seasons 13:14 Invitation for the Elder Brother 14:03 Conclusion and Prayer --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/southernmisswesley/support
Discover how to go forward in God. Go from glory to glory, and victory to victory. Take your life to a new level as you listen to Pastor Sean Golliday's message "No Dry Seasons, No Valleys, No Defeats." To learn more about Larry Huch Ministries, our broadcast, podcast, outreaches, current TV offers, other resources, how to give, and so much more visit https://larryhuchministries.com.ide means, why Israel has no part in it, and how to share the truth with others.
We have had a hard go this last few months--after a traumatic farm experience we are all still experiencing grief & trying to step out from under the weight of hardnesses we've never before had to navigate. And also, our garden isn't really producing much. There are all kinds of seasons in our lives, and some are much less fun than others. Perhaps you have had a difficult one? Perhaps you know someone going through something difficult? We recorded this hoping to let any of our listeners better understand where we are at, and hopefully offer some comfort.
► Gather with us live online and in person every Sunday at 9:30a and 11:00a: https://live.fbcw.org/► Watch/listen to our services: https://fbcw.org/worship-with-us/► Give to help our mission: https://fbcw.org/give/
Listen to this full podcast from Dianna Hobbs reminding you that no inconvenience can overturn God's promises if you only believe!Support the Show.Get more powerful encouragement from Dianna at YourDailyCupOfInspiration.com! Thanks for listening.
Get prophetic inspiration for victorious living. Jennifer LeClaire and other share now-messages equip you to overcome and walk in God's purpose for your life.
Get prophetic inspiration for victorious living. Jennifer LeClaire and other share now-messages equip you to overcome and walk in God's purpose for your life.
Be blessed by this powerful podcast from Dianna Hobbs, where God hijacked the program and used it to deliver an anointed, tailor-made message for you. Support the showGet more powerful encouragement from Dianna at YourDailyCupOfInspiration.com! Thanks for listening.
Speaker: Jeff Wortman Series: Between a Rock and a Hard Place Scripture: Psalms 42-43
Dry season in Darwin is the best for tourism. Tourists from colder southern states take advantage of the dry sunny weather in the Top End. - ダーウィンの乾季は晴天が続き湿度も下がって過ごしやすく、寒い冬を避けようというオーストラリア南部からの人たちなどの観光客で賑わいます。乾季にしか行われない屋外イベントのデッキチェア・シネマは乾季のシンボルです。
Christian Historical Fiction Talk is listener supported. When you buy things through this site, we may earn an affiliate commission.Become a patron and enjoy special perks and bonus content.I am so pleased to welcome Sarah Thomas Loudin to the podcast this week to talk about her new book, "These Tangled Threads." We chat about her time at the Biltmore, the Jan Karon Museum and what her role is there, why she first shied away from writing books set in real places, and why living in Appalachia is so wonderful. Patrons will get to hear her brag about her dog Thistle. These Tangled Threads by Sarah Loudin ThomasSeven years ago, a hidden betrayal scattered three young friends living in the shadow of Biltmore Estate. Now, when Biltmore Industries master weaver Lorna Blankenship is commissioned to create an original design for Cornelia Vanderbilt's 1924 wedding, she panics knowing she doesn't have the creativity needed. But there's an elusive artisan in the Blue Ridge Mountains who could save her--if only she can find her. To track the mysterious weaver down, Lorna sees no other way but to seek out the relationships she abandoned in shame. As she pulls at each tangled thread from her old life, Lorna is forced to confront the wounds and regrets of long ago. She'll have to risk the job that shapes her identity as well as the hope of friendship--and love--restored. In this seamlessly woven historical tale, award-winning Appalachian author Sarah Loudin Thomas delivers a poignant novel of friendship, artistry, restoration, and second chances.Get your copy of These Tangled Threads by Sarah Loudin Thomas.Sarah Loudin Thomas grew up on a 100-acre farm in French Creek, WV, the seventh generation to live there. Her historical fiction is often set in West Virginia and celebrates the people, the land, and the heritage of Appalachia.Sarah is the director of Jan Karon's Mitford Museum in Hudson, NC. She holds a bachelor's degree in English from Coastal Carolina University and is the author of the acclaimed novels The Right Kind of Fool–winner of the 2021 Selah Book of the Year–and Miracle in a Dry Season–winner of the 2015 Inspy Award. Sarah has also been a finalist for the Christy Award, ACFW Carol Award and the Christian Book of the Year Award. She and her husband live in western North Carolina.Visit Sarah's website.
Whether you're navigating a brand pivot, feeling lost, or searching for direction, this episode unveils the keys to thriving in dry seasons. Stay connected to your vision, put faith into action, and safeguard your sanity against distractions. Learn from my struggles and triumphs and be inspired to embrace your journey!Your season through the desert might seem desolate now, but remember, just like the Atacama, your NEXT is on the horizon! Tune in, be empowered, and let God's love guide you through the driest of deserts to the lush promise of your own thriving bloom! Get full access to Isis Breanna's Newsletter: Creativitea at blog.isisbreanna.com/subscribe
How do we overcome dry seasons? If you've ever struggled to connect with God, reached a dry season, and if you're starting to lose faith, this message is for you. Join me on Val's Word Of The Day as I resource you with gospel truths to help you overcome your dry season. Connect With Me: https://www.valtopalu.com/
FLOURISHING IN A DRY SEASON - Pastor John Moreland
Watch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/LJ2_a2sSSI4
What is next? I have been in a busy dry season in some ways. How do we negotiate those seasons of life and move forward? The secret sauce is that we have inside help. God lives in us. Faith in Christ (Gal. 2:20) ignites the fire of God in us. Check this episode out. Check out the CGN media page. Check out the Calvary Global Network! Join us!
Listen in to Jennifer's daily prophetic prayer broadcast where people are encouraged, inspired, healed and delivered. Prophetic words, spiritual warfare, visions and words of knowledge flow freely. Find Jennifer at jenniferleclaire.org or on Instagram at @thejenniferleclarie, YouTube @jenniferleclaireministries, TikTok @jenniferleclaire and Facebook @jenniferleclaire.
Join co-hosts Annie Liontas and Lito Velázquez in conversation with LitFriends Melissa Febos & Donika Kelly about their grand statements, big revelations, sentential seduction, queering forms, the power of vulnerability, and love poems. We're taking a break and will be back for our next episode with guests Yiyun Li & Edmund White on January 16, 2024. Happy Holidays, LitFam! LINKS Libsyn Blog www.annieliontas.com www.litovelazquez.com www.melissafebos.com www.donikakelly.com LitFriends LinkTree LitFriends Insta LitFriends Facebook TRANSCRIPT Annie: (00:00) This episode is dedicated to Chuck, a dog we have loved, and Donika and Melissa's sweet pup. Annie & Lito: Welcome to LitFriends! Hey Lit Friends! Annie: Welcome to the show. Lito: Today, we're speaking with memoirist Melissa Febos and poet Donika Kelly, lit friends in marriage, Annie: About seduction, big boss feelings, and sliding into DMs. Lito: So grab your bestie, Annie & Lito: And get ready to fall in love! Annie: What I love about Melissa Febos, and you can feel this across all four of her books, is how she declares herself free. There's no ambiguity to this. This is her story, not your telling of it, not your telling of her. I meet her on the page as someone who's in an act of rebellion or an act of defiance. And I was not really surprised but delighted to find that, when I read Donika Kelly, I had sort of the same reaction, same impression. And I'm wondering if that's true for you, and, Lito, what your understanding of vulnerability and its relationship to power is. Lito: The power for me in these conversations, and the power that the authors that we speak with possess, seems to me, in the ways that they have found how they are completely unique from each other. And more so than in our other conversations, Donika and Melissa, their work is so different. And yet, as you've pointed out, the overlap, and the fire, the energy, the defiance, the fierceness is so present. And it was present in our conversation. And so inspiring. Annie: Yeah. I'm thinking even about Melissa Febos has this Ted Talk. (01:54) Where she says "telling your secrets will set you free." And it feels that not only is that true, but it's also very much an act of self reclamation and strength, right? Where we might read it as an act of weakness. It's actually in fact, a harnessing of the self. Lito: Right, it's not that Melissa has a need to confess. It's that she really uses writing to find the truth about herself and how she feels about something, which that could not differ more from my writing practice. Annie: How so? Lito: I find that I sort of, I write out of an emotion or a need to discover something, but I already sort of am aware of where I am and who I am before I start. I find the plot and the characters as I go, but I know sort of how I feel. Annie: Yeah, I think for me, I do feel like writing is an act of discovery where maybe I put something on the page, it's the initial conception, or yeah, like you coming out of a feeling. But as I start to ask questions, right, for me, it's this process of inquiry. I excavate to something maybe a little more surprising or partially hidden or unknown to myself. Lito: That's true. There is a discovery of, and I think you're, I think you've pointed to exactly what it is. It's the process of inquiry, and I think both of them, and obviously us, we're doing that similar thing. This is about writing, about this, this is about asking questions and writing through them. Annie: Yeah, and Donika Kelly, we feel that in her work, her poetry over and over, even when they have the same recurring, I would say haunting images or artifacts. Each time she's turning it over and asking almost unbearable questions. Lito: Right. Annie: And we're joining her on the page because she is brave enough and has an iron will and says, no, I will not not look this in the eye. Lito: That's the feeling exactly that I get from both of them is the courage, the bravura of the unflinching. Annie: I think something that seemed to resonate with you was (03:58) how they talk about writing outside of publishing right? Yeah. Lito: Yeah, I love I love that they talk about writing as a practice regardless, they're separated from The need to produce a work that's gonna sell in a commercial world in a capitalist society. It's more about the daily practice, and how that is a lifestyle and even what you said about the TED talk, that's just her. She's just talking about herself. Like that she's just telling an absolute truth that people don't typically talk about. Annie: Right. And it's a conscious, active way to live inside one's life. It's a form of reflection, meditation, and rather than just moving through life, a way to make meaning of the experience. Lito: I love that you use the word meditation because when you talk about meditation, you think of someone in a lotus position quietly being, but the meditations that both of them do, these are not quiet. Annie: No. And of course we have to talk about how cute they are as married literary besties. Lito: Oh my god, cute and like, they're hot for each other. Annie: Oh my god. Lito: It's palpable. Annie: So palpable, sliding into DMs, chatting each other up over email. Lito: They romanced each other, and I hope—no—I know they're gonna romance you, listener. Annie: We'll be right back. Lito: (05:40) Back to the show. Annie: Melissa Febos is the author of four books, including the best-selling essay collection Girlhood, which won the National Book Critics Circle Award, was a Lambda finalist, and was named a notable book by NPR, Time Magazine, the Washington Post, and others. Her craft book Body Work is a national bestseller and an Indie's Next Pick. Her forthcoming novel The Dry Season is a work of mixed form nonfiction that explores celibacy as liberatory practice. Melissa lives in Iowa City with her wife, the poet Donika Kelly, and is a professor in the English department at the University of Iowa, where she teaches creative writing. Lito: Donika Kelly is the author of The Renunciations, winner of the Anisfield-Wolf Book Award in poetry and Bestiary, the winner of the 2015 Cave Canem Poetry Prize, a Hurston Wright Legacy Award for poetry, and the Kate Tufts Discovery Award. Donika has been a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award, the Publishing Triangle Awards, the Lambda Literary Awards, and was long listed for the National Book Award. (06:00) Donika lives in Iowa City with her wife, the writer Melissa Febos, and is an assistant professor in the English department at the University of Iowa, where she teaches creative writing. Annie: Well, thank you for joining us for LitFriends to talk about the ultimate lit friendship. It does seem like you've won at the game of lit friends a little bit, having married your lit friend. I think of you both as writers who are in the constant act of subversion and resisting erasure. And that's the kind of work that Lito and I are drawn to, and that we're trying to do ourselves. And your work really shows us how to inhabit our bravest and most complex selves on the page. So we're really grateful for that. Melissa: Thanks. Annie: Yeah, of course. I mean, Donika, I think about poems of yours that my friends and I revisit constantly because we're haunted by them in the best way. They've taken residence inside of us. And you talk about what it means to have to do that work. And you've said, "to admit need and pain, desire and trauma and claim my humanity was often daunting. But the book demanded I claim my personhood." And Melissa, I think you know how much your work means to me. I mean, as someone who is raised as a girl in this country and writing creative nonfiction, Body Work should not be as revelatory as it is. Yet what I see is that you're shaping an entire generation of nonfiction writers, many of them women. So, you know, also very grateful for that. And you've talked about that in Body Work. You've said "the risk of honest self-appraisal requires bravery to place our flawed selves in the context of this magnificent broken world is the opposite of narcissism, which is building a self-image that pleases you." So we'll talk more in a bit about courage and vulnerability and how you all do the impossible things you do, but let's dive into your lit friendship. Melissa: Thank you, Annie, for that beautiful introduction. Donika: Yeah, thank you so much. I'm excited to talk about our friendship. Lito: We're so excited to have you here. Melissa: Talk about our special friendship. Annie: Very special friendship. Friendship with benefits. Lito: So tell us about your lit friend, Melissa, tell us about Donika. Melissa: (09:07) Tell us about her. Okay, she's fucking hilarious, like very, very funny and covers a broad spectrum of humor from like, there's a lot of like punning that goes on in our house, a lot of like silly wordplay, bathroom humor, and then like high level, like, literary academic sort of witticism that's also making fun of itself a lot. And we've sort of operated in all of those registers since like the day we met. She is my favorite poet. There's like those artists that whose work you really appreciate, right? Sometimes because it's so different from your own. And then there are those artists whose work registers in like a very deep sort of recognition where they feel like creative kin, right? And that has always been my experience of Donika's work. That there is a kind of creative intelligence and emotionality that just feels like so profoundly familiar to me and was before I knew anything about her as a human being. Okay, we also like almost all the same candy and have extremely opposite work habits. She's very hot. She only likes to watch like TVs and movies that she's seen many times before, which is both like very comforting and very annoying. Lito: Well, I'm gonna have to follow that up now. What are some of the top hits? Melissa: Oh, for sure, Golden Girls is at the very top. I mean… Annie: No one's mad at that. Lito: We can do the interview right now. Perfect. All we need to know. A++! Melissa: She's probably like 50% of the time that she's sleeping, she falls asleep to the soundtrack of the Golden Girls or Xena, maybe. But we've also watched the more recent James Bond franchise, The Matrices, (11:00) and Mission Impossible, never franchises I ever thought I would watch once, let alone multiple times at some point. Annie: I mean, Donika, your queerness is showing with that list. Lito: Yeah. Donika: I feel seen. I feel represented accurately by that list. She's not wrong. She's not wrong at all. But I've also introduced to her the pleasure of revisiting work. Melissa: That's right. Donika: And that was not a thing that Melissa was doing before we met, which feels confusing to me. Because I am a person who really likes to revisit. She was buying more books when we met, and now she uses the library more, and that feels like really exciting. That feels like a triumph on my part. I'm like… Annie: That is a victory. Yeah. Donika: …with the public services. Melissa; Both of these examples really allude to like this deep, fundamental sort of capitalistic set of habits that I have, where I… like there's like this weird implicit desire to try to read as many books as possible before I perish, and also to hoard them, I guess. And I'm very happy to have been influenced out of that. Annie: Well it's hard not to think—I think about that tweet like once a week that's like you have an imaginary bookshelf, and there are a limited amount of books on that you can read before you die, and that like troubles me every day. Melissa: Yeah it's so fucked up. (12:22) I don't want that. It's already in my head. I feel like I was born with that in my head, and I'm trying to get free. Lito: Same. Serious book FOMO, like… Donika: There are so many books y'all. Lito: I know. It's not possible. Donika: And, it's like, there are more and more every year. Annie: Well, uh Donika tell us about Melissa. Donika: Oh Melissa As she has already explained we have a lot of fun It's a funny household. She's hilarious. Um, and also she's a writer of great integrity, which you know I'm sitting on the couch reading Nora Roberts, and she's like in her office hammering away at essays, and I don't know what's going on in there. I'm very nosy. I'm a deeply nosy person. Like, I just I want to know like what's going on. I want to know the whole history, and it's really amazing to be with someone who is like here it is. Annie: How did you all meet? Donika: (13:20) mere moments after Trump was elected in 2016. I was in great despair. I was living in Western New York. I was teaching at a small Catholic university. Western New York is very conservative. It's very red. And I was in this place and I was like, this place is not my place. This place is not for me. And I was feeling very alone. And Melissa had written an essay that came out shortly after about teaching creative writing at a private institution in a red county. And I was like, oh, she gets it, she understands. I started, I just like looked for everything. I looked for like everything that she had written. I read it, I watched the TED talk. I don't know if y'all know about the TED talk. There was a TED talk. I watched the TED talk. I was like, she's cute. I read Whip Smart. I followed her on Twitter. I developed a crush, and I did nothing else. So this is where I pass the baton. So I did all of that. Melissa: I loved Bestiaries, and I love the cover. The cover of her book is from this medieval bestiary. And so I just bought it, and I read it. And I just had that experience that I described before where I was just like, "Oh, fuck. Like this writer and I have something very deep in common." And I wrote her. I DMed her on Twitter. Sometimes I obscure this part of the story because I want it to appear like I sent her a letter by raven or something. But actually, I slid into her DMs, and I just was like, "hey, I loved your book. If you ever come to New York and want help setting up a reading, like I curate lots of events, da da da." And I put my email in. And not five minutes later, refreshed my Gmail inbox, and there was an email from Donika, and… Donika: I was like, "Hi. Hello. It's me." Annie: So you agree with this timeline, Donika, right? Like, it was within five minutes. Donika: Yeah, it was very fast. And I think if I hadn't read everything that I could get my hands on that Melissa had written, I may have been a little bit slower off the mark. It wasn't romantic. Like the connection, I wasn't like, oh, this is someone who like I want to (15:41) strike up a romantic relationship with, it really was the work. Like I just respected the work so much. I mean, I did have a crush, like that was real, but I have crushes on lots of people, like that sort of flows in and out, but that often is a signifier of like, oh, this person will be my friend. And I was still married at the time and trying to figure out, like that relationship was ending. It was coming to a quick close that felt slow. Like it was dragging a little bit for lots of reasons. But then once it was clear to me that I was getting divorced, Melissa and I continued writing to each other like for the next few months. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, I'm getting divorced. I was like, I'm getting divorced. And then suddenly the emails were very different. From both of us. It wasn't different. Melissa: There had been no romantic strategy or intent, you know, and I think which, which was a really great way to, we really started from a friendship. Annie: And sounds like a courtship really. I mean, it kind of is an old fashion. Melissa: Yeah, in some way, it became that. I think it became that. But I think it was, I mean, the best kind of courtship begins as a, as a friendly courtship, you know what I mean? Where it was about sort of mutual artistic respect and curiosity and just interest. And it wasn't defined yet, like, what sort of mood that interest would take for a while, you know? Lito: So how do you seduce each other on and off the page? Donika: That's a great question. Melissa: That is a great question. Donika: I am not good at seduction. So that is not a skill set that is available to me. It has never been available. Lito: I do not believe that. Annie: I know. I'm also in disbelief out here, really. Melissa: No one believes it, but she insists. Annie: I feel like that's part of the game, is my feeling, but it is not. Melissa: It's not. Here's the thing I will say is that like Donika, I've thought a lot about this and we've talked a lot about this because I balked at that statement as well. It's like Donika is seductive. Like there are qualities about her that are very seductive, but she does not seduce people. You know what I mean? Like she doesn't like turn on the charisma and shine it at you like a hypnotist. Like that's not… (18:08) that's not her form of seduction, but I will say… I can answer that question in terms of like, I think in terms of the work, since we've been talking about that, like in a literary way, both in her own work, like the quality, like just someone who's really good at what they do is fucking sexy, you know? Like when I was looking for like a little passage before this interview, I was just like, "ah, this is so good." Like it's so attractive when someone is really, really good at their craft. right? Especially when it's a crop that you share. Donika: So Melissa does have the ability to turn on what she has written about, which I think is really funny. Like she like she has like, she has a very strong gaze. It's very potent. And one of my gifts is to disrupt that and be like, what are you doing with your eyes? And so like, when I think about that in the work, when I'm reading her work, and I'm in like its deepest thrall, it is that intensity of focus that really like pulls me in and keeps me in. She's so good at making a grand statement. Melissa: I was just gonna bring that up. Donika: Oh, I think she and I like often get to, we arrive at sort of similar places, but she gets there from the grand statement, and I get there from the granular statement, like it's a very narrow sort of path. And then Melissa's like, "every love is a destroyer." I was like, whoa, every one? And there's something really compelling about that mode of— because it's earnest, and it's backed up by the work that she's written. I would never think to say that. Melissa: I have a question for you, lit friend. Do you think you would be less into me if I weren't? Because I think for a nonfiction writer, I'm pretty obsessed with sentences. It's writing sentences that makes, that's the thing I love most about writing. It's like where the pleasure is for me. So I'm a pretty poetically inclined nonfiction writer. If I were less so, do you think that would be less seductive to you as a reader or a lit friend? Donika: I mean, that's like asking me to imagine like, "so, what if… (20:30) water wasn't wet?" I just like, I can't like, I can't imagine. I do think the pleasure of the sentence is so intrinsic to like, I think there's something in the, in your impulse at the sentence level. That means that you're just careful. You're not rushing. You're not rushing us through an experience or keeping us in there and focused. And it's just it's tricky to imagine, or almost impossible to imagine what your work would look like if that weren't the impulse. Lito: Yeah, I think that's an essential part of your style in some ways, that you're taking that time. Melissa: Mm-hmm. Annie: And how you see the world. Like I don't even think you would get to those big revelations Donika's talking about without it. Melissa: Yeah. Right. I don't, yeah, I don't think I would either. We'll be right back. Lito (21:19) Hey Lit Fam, Lit Friends is taking a break for the holiday. We hope you'll join us for our next episode with our guests, Ian Lee and Edmund White on January 16th. Till then, may your holiday be lit, your presents be numerous, and your 2024 be filled with joy and peace. If you'd like to show us some love, please take a moment now to follow, subscribe, rate, and review the LitFriends Podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Just a few moments of your time will help us so much. Big hugs to you and yours. Thank you for listening. And thank you for making season one a big success! Annie: (22:05) Welcome back. Lito: I've noticed that both of you, you know, you have your genres that you work in, but within that you're experimenting a lot with form and structure. Does anything of that come from being queer? I guess it's a question about queering forms of literature, and what that has to do also with the kinds of friendships that queer people have, and if that's different, maybe. So I guess I'm asking to connect form with queerness and friendship. Melissa: That's a beautiful question. I think, and I'm starting with thinking about my relationship to form, which has been one of inheriting some scripts for forms. This is what an essay should look like. This is what plot structure looks like. This is how you construct a narrative. And sort of taking those for granted a little bit, and then pretty early on, understanding the limitations of those structures and the ways that they require that I contort myself and my content such that it feels like a perversion or betrayal of sort of what I'm dealing with, right? And so the way I characterize my trajectory, the trajectory of my relationship to form has been sort of becoming conscious of those inherited forms, and then pushing the boundaries of them and modifying them and distorting them and adding things to them and figuring out, letting my work sort of teach me what form it rests most easily in and is most transparent in. And I suspect that my relationship to friendship and particularly queer friendship mimics that. Donika: Yeah, that sounds right to me. And I'm reminded of Denise Levertov has this essay titled "On the Function of the Line." And in it, she presents an argument that closed forms, received forms, are based on a kind of assumption of resolution, and that free verse or open design, like in a poem, it shows evidence of the speaker's thinking. (24:24) Right? So that where the line breaks, the speaker is pausing, right? To gather their thoughts or like a turn might happen that's unexpected that mimics the turns in thinking. And I really love that essay. Like that essay is one of my favorites. So when I think about my approach to form, I'm like, what is the shape that this poem is asking for? What is the shape that will do, that will help the poem do its best work? And not even like to be good, but just like to be true. I really love the sonnet shape. Like it's one of my favorite shapes. And it's so interesting and exciting to use a shape that is based on like argumentative structure or a sense of resolution, to explore. Like to use that as an exploratory space, it feels like queering our, like my expectations of what the sonnet does. Like there's something about the box. If I bounce around inside that box, there's gonna be something that comes out of that, that I wouldn't necessarily have gotten otherwise, but it's not resolution. Like the point is not resolution. And when I think about my relationships and my chosen family, in particular, and to some degree actually my given family, part of what I'm thinking about is how can I show up and care and what does care look like in this relationship and how can I make room to be cared for? And that's so hard, like being cared for is so much more alien to me than, like, as a concept, like I feel like very anxious about it. I'm like, "am I asking for too much?" And like over and over again, my chosen family is like, "no, it's not too much. Like we, we got each other." Melissa: I think particularly for queer people, we understand that it doesn't preclude romance or healthy kinds of dependency or unhealthy kinds of dependency, you know, that all of the things that happen in a very deep love relationship happen inside of friendship, where I think sort of like straight people and dominant culture have been like, "oh, no, like friendship isn't the site of like great romance or painful divorce or abuse." And queer people understand that all of those things happen within relationships that we call friendships. Annie: (26:46) Yeah, I mean, I'm hearing you both talk about kind of queer survival and joy and even, Donika, what you were saying about having to adjust to being cared for as a kind of, you know, that's a sort of, to me, it's a sort of like a survivor's stance in the world. One of the things that I love about my kinship with Lito as, you know, my queer lit friend and, you know, brother from another mother is that he holds that space for me and I, you know, vice versa. Even thinking about vulnerability, I think you both wield vulnerability as a tool of subversion too, right? And again, Lito and I are both creating projects right now that require a kind of rawness on the page. I'm about to publish a memoir called Sex with a Brain Injury, so I'm very consciously thinking about how we define vulnerability, what kind of work it does to reshape consciousness in the collective. And the ways that you each write about trauma helps us understand it as an act of reclamation, you know, power rather than powerlessness. So maybe you could talk a little bit about what is or what can be transformative about the confessional and maybe even more to the point, what does your lit friend teach you about vulnerability? Melissa: (28:06) Oh, God, what doesn't she teach me about vulnerability? It's interesting because like you're correct that vulnerability is like very central to my work and to the like lifelong project of my work, and also like there's literally nothing on earth I would like to avoid more. And I don't think that is visible in my work, right? Because my work is the product of counteracting that set of instincts, which I must do to survive because the part of me that wants to avoid vulnerability, its end point is like literally death for me. It is writing for me often starts from like kind of a pragmatic practice. I don't start like feeling my feelings. I write to get to my feelings and sometimes that doesn't happen until like after a book is published sometimes. You know like it's really interesting lately I've been confronting some feelings in like a really deep way that I think I have gotten access to from writing Girlhood, which came out in 2021. And it's like I had to sort of lay it all out, understand what happened, redefine my role in it and everyone else's. And I definitely had feelings while I was writing it. But like the feelings that Donika refers to as the big boss, like the deepest feelings about it. Like I, I feel like I'm only really getting. to it now. My relationship to vulnerability, it's just like, it's a longitudinal process, you know? And there's no one who's taught me about that and how to be sort of like gentle and patient within that and to show up for it than Donika. And I'm just thinking of like, you know, starting from pretty early in our relationship, she was working on the poems in The Renunciations, and over the years of our early, the early years of our relationship, she was confronting some childhood, some really profound childhood trauma. And she was doing that in therapy. And then there were like pieces of that work that she had to do in the poems. And I just watched her not force it. And when it was time, she like created the space to do the work. And like, I wasn't (30:35) there for that. I don't think anyone else really could have been there for that. And just like showing up for that work. And then like the long tail of like publishing a book and having conversations with people and the way that it changes one's relationship and like the act of the vulnerability—achieved feels like the wrong word—but the vulnerability like expressed or found in the writing process, how that is just like a series of doorways and a hallway that maybe it never terminates. Maybe it doesn't even turn into death. I don't know. You know, but I've just seen her show up for that process with like a patience and a tenderness for herself at every age that I find incredibly challenging. And it's been super instructive for me. Donika: Ooh. I, I'm, it makes me really happy to know that's your experience of like being like in like shared artistic space together. I think I go to poetry to understand, to help myself understand what it is that I'm holding and what it is that I wanna put down. Like that's what the poems are for. You know, like the act of writing helps me sort out what I need and what I wanna put down because narrative is so powerful. It feels like the one place where I can say things that are really hard, often because I've already said them in therapy. Right? So then it's like, I can then explore what having said those hard things means in my life or how it sits in my life. And what Melissa shows me is that one can revise. I know I've said this like a few times, but that one can have a narrative. Like I think about reading Whipsmart and the story that she has about herself as a child in Whipsmart, and then how that begins to change a bit in Abandon Me. And then in Girlhood, it's really disrupted. And there is so much more tenderness there, I think. It looks really hard. Like, honestly, that joint looks hard because I might be in a poem, but I'm in it for like, like we're in it, like if I were to read it out loud for like a minute and a half. Melissa: (33:50) It's interesting hearing you talk. I wonder if this is true. I think I'm hearing that it is true. And I think that's where it's with my experience that you often get to the feelings like in therapy or wherever, and then write the poems as more of a sort of emotional, but like also cognitive and kind of systemic and like a way of like making sense of it or putting it in context. And I think very much I, there'll be like deeply submerged feelings that emerge only as like impulses or something, you know, but I experience writing— I don't that often feel intense emotion while I'm writing. I think it's why that is writing is almost always the first place that I encounter my own vulnerability or that I say the like unspeakable thing or the thing that I have been unable to say. I often write it and then I can talk to my therapist about it or then I can talk to Donika about it. And I think I can't. I'm too afraid or it feels like too much to feel the feelings while I'm writing. So I sort of experience it as a cognitive or like intellectual and creative exercise. And then once I understand it, sometime in the next five years, I feel the feelings. Annie: Do you feel like it's a kind of talking to yourself or like talking outside of the world? Like what is it in that space that does that for you? Melissa: Yeah, I do. I mean, it's like. Talking outside the world makes more sense to me than talking to myself. I mean, it is talking to myself, right? It's a conversation with myself, but it's removed from the context of me in my daily life. That's why it's possible. Within my daily life, I'm too connected to other people and my own internal pressures and just like the busy, superficial part of me that's like driving a lot of my days. I have to get away from her in order to do that work. And so the writing really happens in a kind of separate space and feels like it is not, it has a kind of privacy that I don't experience in any other way in my life, where I really have built or found a space where I am never thinking about what other people think of me, and I'm not imagining a skeptical reader. (35:18) It is really like this weird spiritual, emotional, creative, intellectual space that is just separate from all of that, where I can sort of think and be curious freely. And I think I created that space or found it really early on because I was, even as a kid, I was a person who was like so concerned with the people around me, with the adults around me, with what performances were expected of me. And being a person who was like very deeply thinking and feeling, I was like, well, there's no room for that here. So I need to like find somewhere else to do it. And so I think writing became that for me way before I thought about being a writer. Lito: That's so fascinating to me. I think that's so different than how I work or Donika works or a lot of people I know. We'll be right back. Lito: (36:26) Back to the show. So this question is for both of you really, but it just makes me wonder then like, what is the role for emotion, but in particular anger? How does that like, when things get us angry, sometimes that motivates us to do something, right? So if you're not being inspired by an emotion to write, you're writing and then finding it, how does anger work as not only a tool for survival, but maybe a path towards personhood and freedom? Donika: Oh, I was just thinking, I can't write out of that space, the space of anger. It took me a long time to get in touch with anger as a feeling. That took a really long time because in my family, in my given family, the way that people expressed anger was so dangerous that I felt that I didn't want to occupy those spaces. I didn't want to move emotionally into that, into that space if that was what it looked like. And it took me a long time to figure out how to be angry. And I'm still not sure that I'm great at it. Because I think often I'm moving quickly to like what's under that feeling. And often what's under my feelings of being angry, often, not always, is being hurt, feeling hurt. And I can… write into exploring what that hurt is, because I know how to do that with some tenderness and some care. Melissa: I feel similarly, which is interesting, because we've never talked about this, I don't think. But anger is also a feeling that I think, for very different reasons, when I was growing up… I mean, I think just like baseline being socialized as a girl dissuaded me from expressing anger or even from feeling it, because where would that go? But I also think in the particular environment that I was in, I understood pretty early that my expressions of anger would be like highly injurious to the people around me and that it would be better if I found another way to express those things. I think my compulsive inclinations have been really useful in that way. And it's taken me a lot of my adult life to sort of… (38:44) take my anger or as Donika said, you know, like anger for me almost always factors down to something that is largely powerlessness, you know, to sort of not take the terror and fury of powerlessness and express it through like ultimately self harming means. Writing can be a way for me to arrive at like justifiable anger and to sort of feel that and let that move through me or to be like, oh, that was unjust. I was powerless in that situation. You know? Yeah, it has helped me in that way. But like, if I'm really being honest, I think I exhaust myself with exercise. And that's how I mostly deal with my feelings of anger. Annie: Girl. Melissa: Yeah, there's also a way I will say that like, I do think it actually comes out in my work in some ways. Like there is like a very direct, not people-pleasing vibe and tone in my work that is genuine, but that I almost never have in my life. Like maybe a little bit as a professor, but like When Donika met me, she was like, "Oh… like you're just like this little gremlin puppy person. You're not like this intense convicted former dominatrix." You know, which is, I express it in my writing because it is a space where I'm not worried about placating or pleasing really. It's a space where I'm, I am almost solely interested in what I actually think. Donika: I was just thinking about like the beginning of, I think it's "Wild America," when you talk about like not cleaning your room, Melissa. Because you didn't, like when you were a kid, right? It was like you cleaned your room when you wanted to appear good, but that didn't matter to you when you were alone in your room. Like you could get lost in a book or you could, you know, like just be inside yourself alone when you were alone in your room. And that's one of my favorite passages that you read. Like I'm always sort of like mouthing along, like it's a song. Melissa: (40:57) I'm just interested and I really love the sort of conception of like a girl's room as a potential space that sort of maps on to the way I described the writing space where it's just like a space where other, where the gaze of others, or the gaze that we're taught to please like can be kept out to some extent. And just like, you know, that isn't true, obviously for like lots and lots and lots of girls, but just that there is an impetus for us to create or invent or designate a space where that is true. Lito: Yeah, I think that's what she's up to in "A Room of One's Own." Annie: It makes me think of like girls' rooms as like kind of also these reductive spaces, like they all have to have pink or whatever, but then you like carve out a secret space for yourself in that room, which I think is what you're talking about with your writing. Donika: Oh, I was just thinking about what happens when you don't have a room like that, cause I didn't, like I absolutely did not have a room that was… inviolable in some way or that like really felt like I could close the door. But writing became a place where that work could happen and where those explorations could happen and where I could do whatever I want and I had control over so many aspects of the work. And I hesitated because I was saying I didn't have that much control over the content. Like I might think, oh, I'm gonna write a poem about this or a poem about that. And as is true with most writing, the poems are so much smarter and reveal so much more than I might have intended, but I could like shape the box. There are just like so many places to have control in a poem, like there's so many mechanisms to consider where like when Melissa was first sharing like early work with me, I would get so nervous because I would wanna move a comma. Because in a poem, like that's a big deal, moving somebody's commas around, changing the punctuation. And she was like, "it doesn't matter." Melissa: I would get nervous because she would be like, "well, I just have one note, but it's like, kind of big." And I would be like, "oh, fuck, I failed." And she would be like, Donika: "What's going on with these semicolons?" Melissa: She'd be like, "I just, these semicolons." Annie: You know, hearing you both talk about (43:20) how you show up for one another as readers, right? In addition to like romantic partners. I mean, we do have the sense, and this can be true of all marriages, queer or otherwise, where like we as readers have a pretty superficial understanding of what you kind of each bring to the table or how you create this protective space or really see one another. I imagine that you've saved yourselves, but I'm curious about to what extent this relationship may have also been a way to save you or subvert relationships that have come before. And yet at the same time, we've asked this question of other lit friends too, which is, you know, what about competition between lit friends? And what does that look like in a marriage? What is a good day versus a bad day? Donika: I mean, we could be here for years talking about that first question. And so I'm gonna turn to the second part to talk about competition, which is much easier to handle. I feel genuinely and earnestly so excited at the recognition that Melissa has received. Part of what was really exciting for me about the beginning of our relationship that continues to be exciting is that, is getting to watch someone be truly mid-career and navigate that with integrity. It feels like such a good model, for how to be a writer. I mean, she's much more forward-facing than I would ever want to be. But I think in terms of just thinking about like, what is the work? How, like, where is the integrity? Like, it's just, it's always so, so forward and it feels really grounding for me and us in the house, so it's always big cheers in here. It helps that we write in different genres. I think that's super helpful. Melissa: I think it's absolutely key. Yeah. Donika: It's not, I mean, I think, and that we have very different measures of ambition. I think those two things together are really, really helpful. But I've read everything that Melissa has written, I think. (45:38) There might be like a few little, I mean, I've read short story, like that short, there was like a short story from like shortly, I think after you, like before you were in your MFA program, maybe. Melissa: Oh my God. What short story? Donika: I can't, I'll find it. And show it to you later. Melissa: Is it about that little plant? Donika: No, no, it might've been an essay. I'm not sure. Annie: I love this. This is sort of hot breaking news on LitFriends. Donika: It's like, I've just like, I did a deep Google dive. I was like, I want to read everything and it's, it feels really exciting. Melissa: You know, I've dated writers before, and it was a different situation. And I think even if I hadn't, even before I ever did, I thought, that seems unlikely to work. Because even though there are lots of like obvious ways that it could be great, the competition just seemed like such a poison dart that it would be really hard to avoid because writers are competitive, and I'm competitive. And maybe it would have been harder if we were younger or something. And certainly if we were in the same genre, I think actually, who knows? Maybe it would be possible if we were in the same genre, but it would require a little more care. Even if for some reason we would never publish again, we would keep writing. It just like it functions in our lives in similar ways. And it's like a practice that we came to, you know, I have a more hungry ambition or have historically. And I think our relationship is something that helps me keep the practice at the center because we're constantly talking about it. And I'm constantly observing Donika's relationship to her work. So it really hasn't felt very relevant. Like it's kind of shocking to me how, how little impact competition or comparing has in our relationship. It's really like not even close to one of the top notes of things that might create conflict for us, you know, and I'm so grateful for that. And so happy to have like underestimated what's possible when you have a certain level of intimacy and respect and sort of compatibility with someone. Lito: We'll be right back. Annie: (47:57) Welcome back. Well, then I'm wondering, you know, you both have had some like incredible successes in the last few years. And I'm wondering if conversely, you've been able to show up for one another in moments of high pressure or exposure, or, you know, having to confront the world, having been vulnerable on the page in the ways you have been. Melissa: Donika was not planning on having a book launch for The Renunciations. Donika: What's a book launch? Like, why do people do that? Annie: Listen, mine's going to be a dance party, Donika. So… Melissa: And I made, meanwhile, like when I published Abandon Me, I had a giant dance party that I had like several costume changes for during. But I remember feeling pretty confident about making a strong case multiple times for her to have a book launch for The Renunciations. And also like having a lot of respect and like tenderness watching her navigate what it meant to take work that vulnerable and figure out how to like speak for it and talk about it and like present it to the world. Parts of her would have preferred to just let the book completely speak for itself out there. Donika: But you were right it was a good time. Melissa: I was right. Donika: Because like when Melissa's so when Girlhood came out it was like, that was still the time of like so many virtual events. And it was just like, I think that first week there was like something every day that week, like there was an event every day that week. And now, now like, again, I had to be talked into having a book launch. So I own this. Um, but I was like, Ooh, why, why would you do that? Oh, yeah. Four? Melissa: This is definitely one of the ways that she and I are like diametrically opposed, and therefore I think, helpful to each other in sort of like creating a kind of tension that can be uncomfortable but is mostly good for both of us to be sort of pulled closer to the middle. Donika: But my favorite part of that is then hearing you give advice to your friends who are very similar and be like, "whoa, you did too much. You put too many things on the calendar." Melissa: (50:15) You know, some people would say that that's hypocrisy, but I actually think, I have a real dubious like position and thinking about hypocrisy because I am an expert in overdoing things. And so I think I speak from, I am like the voice of Christmas future. You know what I mean? I'm like, let me speak to you from the potential future that you are currently planning with your publicist. And like, it's not pretty and it doesn't feel good. And it's not, it has not delivered the feeling that you're imagining when you're scheduling all those events. Annie: I can appreciate this. And I appreciate Donika's kind of role, this particular role in a relationship, because sometimes I just have to go see Leto and literally just lay on Lito and be like, stop me from doing anymore. Melissa: I know, I know. Lito: You and Sara are like super overachievers. I have to be like, "can you calm down?" Annie: We do too much. Lito: Way too much. What would you like to see your lit friend make or create next? Donika: I got two answers to this. The first one is the Cape Cod lesbian mystery. I'm ready. You know, we got, I've offered so much assistance as a person who will never write prose. Um, but I got notes and ideas. The second one is, uh, a micro essay collection titled Dogs I Have Loved. Cause I think it would be a New York Times bestseller. Lito: Oh, I love that. Donika: I know. Lito: Speaking of, who's the little gremlin puppy there? Donika: Oh, yeah, that's Chuck. Chuck is a 15-year-old chihuahua. I've had him since he was a puppy. Annie: Is Chuck like a nickname, or is that just, it's just Chuck? Donika: It's just Chuck. Lito: I love that. Melissa: His nickname is Charles sometimes. One of his nicknames is Charles, but his full name is Chuck. Melissa: OK, so I would say, I mean, my first thought at this question was like, I want Donika to keep doing exactly what she's been doing? As far as I can tell, she doesn't have a lot of other voices getting in the way of that process. My second thought is that I'm really interested. I've never heard her talk. She has no interest in writing prose of any kind. She is like deeply wedded to poetry. But I have heard her talk more recently about potential collaborations with (52:40) other artists, visual artists and other writers. And I would, I'm really excited to see what comes out of that space. Lito: Would you all ever collaborate beyond your marriage? Annie: I could see you all doing a craft book together. Melissa: I feel like we could make like a chapbook that had prose and poems in it that were responding to a shared theme. I could definitely see that. Donika: I really thought you were gonna say Love Poems for Melissa Febos, that's what you wanted to see next. Melissa: I mean, I already know that that's on deck, so I don't... I mean, it's in, it's on the docket. It's on deck. Yeah. So… Lito: Those sonnets, get to work on the sonnets. Donika: Such a mess. Melissa: This is real, you think, this is not, like, a conversation of the moment. This is… Annie: Oh no, we can, this is history. Donika: "Where's my century of sonnets?" she says. Lito (53:33) What is your first memory? Donika: Dancing? Melissa: Donika telling me I'm pretty. Annie (54:15.594) Who or what broke your heart first? Melissa: Maddie, our dog. Donika: Kerri Strug, 1996 Olympics. Vault. Lito: Atlanta. Donika: The Vault final. Yeah. Heartbreaking. Lito: Who would you want to be lit friends with from any time in history, living or dead? Donika: I just thought Gwendolyn Brooks. I'm gonna go with that. Lito: I love Gwendolyn Brooks. Donika: Oh yeah. Melissa: My first thought is Baldwin. Donika: It's a great party. We're at a great party. Melissa: I just feel like I would be like, "No, James!" all the time. Melissa: (54:30) Or like Truman Capote. Lito: It'd be wild. Donika: Messy. So messy. Annie: What's your favorite piece of music? Melissa: Oh my god, these questions are crazy! "Hallelujah"? Donika: Oh god, there's an aria from Diana Damraus' first CD. She's a Soprano. And it's a Mozart aria, and I don't know where it's from, and I can't tell you the name because it's in Italian and I don't speak Italian, but that joint is exceptional. So that's what I'm gonna go with. Oh God, just crying in the car. Lito: If you could give any gift to your lit friend without limitations, what would you give them? Donika: Just like gold chains. So many gold chains. Yeah! If I could have a gold chain budget, it'd be a lot. Annie: (55:23) Donika, we can do this. Lito: Achievable. Donika: I mean, yeah. Yeah. Lito: Bling budget. Donika: That's the first thing I thought. Annie: Love it. Donika: Just like gold, just thin gold chains, thick gold chains. Melissa: I'm going to go with that, then, and say an infinite sneaker budget. Lito: Yes. Oh, I want a shoe room. (55:50) That'd be awesome. Melissa: We need two shoe rooms in this house, or like one. Or we just need to have a whole living room that's just for shoes. Donika: I just like there's just like one closet that's just like for shoes. Like that's what we need. Lito: That's great. Donika: Yeah, but it's actually a room. Yes. With like a sorting system, it's like computer coded. Annie: Soft lighting. That's our show. Annie & Lito: Thanks for listening. Lito: We'll be back next week with our guests Yiyun Li and Edmund White. Annie: Find us on all your socials @LitFriendsPodcast. Lito: Don't forget to reach out and tell us about the love affair of you and your LitFriend. Annie: I'm Annie Liontas. Lito: And I'm Lito Velázquez. Thank you to our production squad. Our show is edited by Justin Hamilton. Annie: Our logo was designed by Sam Schlenker. Lito: Lizette Saldana is our marketing director. Annie: Our theme song was written and produced by Robert Maresca. Lito: And special thanks to our show producer, Toula Nuñez. Annie: This was LitFriends, Episode Three.
Welcome back to another episode of the Different Life. It's our season 4 finale! In this episode Jared and Amy discuss water fasting and the dry seasons in life. You don't want to miss this!
We all have seasons in our lives in which nothing seems to be happening. This is to be expected; when we find ourselves in a dry season, we maintain our faith as believers by trusting in and relying on God. There are plenty of things we can trust and rely on, but we succeed when we make God, and God only, our confidence and hope. His Word is the doorway to manifestations; studying and applying it is the solution to moving through whatever situation shows up. Conversely, neglecting it and paying more attention to the things of the world causes hardness of heart and blocks what we are waiting to experience. God can do powerful things in our lives, but only if we cooperate with Him by focusing on what He says and screening out all distractions. By steadfastly working our faith until we see what God has promised, we will see results. To support the ministry financially, text "CDMPodcast" to 74483 or visit www.worldchangers.org. Message and Data rates may apply. You will receive a maximum of two text messages per user response. You can text the word "Help" for assistance or "Stop" to opt out. Visit https://app.securegive.com to view Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.
What is episode 185 about? We discuss a brand new design launching as part of the Christmas Collection that reads, "I Will Sing Your Praises Even In My Dry Season" See the wallpaper here - https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0251/7678/files/Plant-in-Faith-Wallpaper.png?v=1695024121 Vacation with Brooke on Maui! - https://walkinlove.com/store Christmas Extravaganza Tickets - https://shop.walkinlove.com/products/christmas-extravaganza?_pos=1&_psq=christmas-e&_ss=e&_v=1.0 Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/145545495229922 Reminder: Don't forget to leave a review and text a friend about the podcast! What is the walk in love. podcast? The walk in love podcast is a weekly conversation between Brooke and T.J. Mousetis (Muh-see-tis) about emotions, rhythms, marriage, parenting and faith. It's a place where we laugh and sometimes cry as we try to find language to live a joy-filled life. Sign up for our e-mail list - https://walkinlove.com/email We'd love to hear from you about this episode, join the conversation: Comment on this episode on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@walkinlove Listen to our song of the week + worship playlist: Links to playlist here - https://walkinlove.com/walkinloveplaylists Want to support the podcast? Here are ways you can do that: Shop - https://shop.walkinlove.com/ Buy a Tiny Rhythms - https://www.tinyrhythms.com/ Shop from Brooke's Beautycounter business - https://www.beautycounter.com/brookemousetis Buy one of T.J.'s Paintings - https://tjmousetis.art/ Affiliate links to things we love: Digit Savings App (affiliate link) - https://digit.co/r/WyyPi5KW1U?ab Amazon storefront (affiliate link) - https://amzn.to/3GqS5WG The Greenlight App (affiliate link) - https://share.greenlight.com/12531635?advocate_partner_share_id=5008a291ee --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/walkinlove/message
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