Podcast appearances and mentions of Michael C Reichert

Jearlyn is back in studio, and she chops it up with producer Jonathan Lowe. Author and developmental psychologist Dr. Michael C. Reichert gives us his thoughts on raising boys in this day and age.

With so many more obstacles in today's society, how can we raise young boys to become healthy men?  Dr. Michael C. Reichert, executive director of Center for the Study of Boys' and Girls' Lives at the University of Pennsylvania and author of “How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men”, offers some answers from his research.

In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler are joined by Dr. Michael C. Reichert, an Executive Director of the Center for the Study of Boys and Girls at the University of Pennsylvania and a Supervising Psychologist at the Haverford School.  They discuss how to raise boys.  The conversation includes how Dr. Reichert pioneered a groundbreaking discovery about boys and the key to their learning, why time and society along with it has revolutionized gender stereotypes and the fundamentals of raising a boy that every parent should know. Links Mentioned In the Show: KJK Student Defense Dr. Michael Reichert's Website https://www.michaelcreichert.com  Show Notes: (03:11) A shocking commonality that Dr. Reichert and Niobe Way discovered about boys and their relationships (03:37) How a theory of voice education was pioneered (04:04) The essential factor required for boys to engage in learning  (04:42) A shocking finding about boys and relationships that baffled even educational and psychological veterans with 50 years of experience combined (07:22) Transformative relationships: do boys become too dependent on their friends? (08:00) How culture and society has caused the context of title IX cases involving males to evolve over time. (09:40) How Kristina and Susan utilized their certification in restorative justice as a means of conflict resolution (11:14)  Why masculinity has historically grown to be weaponized involving title IX cases  (12:38) The turning point of society: finally acknowledging the humanity of males (17:07) Breaking the stereotype: the shift in parenting and their expectations from their male children (21:32) What every parent, particularly mothers, needs to do for their sons before sending them off to college and throughout it.  (22:10) Why the, “Mama's Boy Myth,” has been busted.  (23:58) What every single mom raising a son needs to bear in mind (25:00) We are living in the era of redefining emotional strength Transcript: Susan Stone: Today's podcast, Kristine and I are going to, again, explore how to raise boys. Now I know you guys out there who pay attention to our podcast are wondering didn't you just do that with Niobi Way talk about boys. Didn't we?  Kristina Supler: We did. But you know, we've really had the pleasure of reading quite a few books recently on this topic. And given that in our law practice, while we represent male and female students, we tend to see and deal with cases with boys mostly.  Susan Stone: Yeah. I mean, you have to wonder, especially in hazing cases we represent mm-hmm fraternity members. We have never met, represented a, a sorority sister.  Kristina Supler: Not true. We have, what did don't forget that? Oh, you did.  Susan Stone: oh my gosh. Showing my age, showing my age. Kristina Supler: But you are correct in that 99.9% of the time, our hazing cases are male students.  Susan Stone: Yeah, thanks for calling me out there. That's awesome. But why don't you introduce our speaker? That is your job.  Kristina Supler: Today, we are joined by Michael Reichert, who is a psychologist who has worked in a variety of clinical school, community and research settings over the course of his career. He serves as the executive director of the center for the study of boys and girls lives a research collaborative at the University of Pennsylvania. And he is also a supervising psychologist at the Haverford school, which is outside of Philadelphia. Susan Stone: Very pretty area, Kristina and I were there gorgeous  Kristina Supler: area, gorgeous, fine institutions in that area of the country. Michael has writing has been published in many prominent. Periodicals the Atlantic New York times, Washington post. And today he's joining us to discuss his book, entitled how to raise a boy, the power of connection to build. Good men. Welcome.  Welcome. So we're gonna start with the first question, Michael, in how to raise a boy, you address society's narrow conception of what it means to be a real boy. We had Niobe Way author of Deep Secrets. Talk about how boys crave real friendships, which fade over time as boys hit their teenage years. Can you add anything else to that concept and maybe give us a fresh look about boys, maybe something we don't know about them, even though you guys are 50% of the population. Dr. Michael Reichert: good morning, Christina. Good morning, Susan. thank you for having me. And I'm glad to be here and, and particularly glad to be following my good friend and colleague Niobe. You know, um, I was talking with Niobe recently and we were, we're getting ready to host a webinar. We began the conversation with each other, talking about what has surprised us in our research. What led us to the positions that were, were both in respectively and Niobe's way Niobe's study was about friendship and what she discovered that surprised her was that boys indeed have tremendously intimiate relationships with each other relationships that they would die without they feel my research that, that wound up in a very similar destination came from a very different source. I investigated teaching and learning in schools around the world. and we began our large scale survey, 18 countries, 1500 boys ages 12 to 19, and about a thousand of their teachers. And we asked a very simple question. We asked what's worked, trying to build a theory of voice education inductively from the ground up. And what we found was completely unexpected. Not mentioned at all by the teachers that we interview, we, we surveyed and interviewed, came exclusively from the boys themselves. And essentially what the boys said was we depend upon a connection with our teacher or our coach in order to engage in learning. The vulnerable act of learning from somebody requires that we believe this person cares about us and wants to help. now my part, my research partner, and I, we had 50 years at that point between us in the trenches of boys education, we were unprepared for how powerfully boys described themselves as relational learners. And we realized that there was this fog of stereotype that kept us from seeing boys clearly, not just us, but folks in the trenches and some of the finest boys schools around the world. we all had trouble naming this phenomenon that boys are relational. Fundamentally Niobe found something similar. She found that we have this shroud of, of, of misconception that, you know, what she calls false stories that keep us from recognizing how capable of intimacy boys are in their friendships. I arrived at a similar place looking at boys' relationships with their teachers and coaches. Kristina Supler: That's interesting because this, this subject or this topic of relationships, Susan, and I see it so often at the beginning of episode, Susan mentioned fraternities and hazing, of course, but there's a lot of positive that can come from fraternities in those relationships. And in your book, you talk about this idea of brotherhood being a distinct and integral. Facet in boyhood and you discuss how it's ever present in institutions of boyhood like recess, sports teams, clubs, fraternities. When we represent young men in college title IX cases, we do that work across the country and typically our clients are accused male students. And so often Susan and I have these really difficult conversations. With our clients, these young men who are absolutely heartbroken and shocked when they not only receive the news that, they're respondent in a Campus Title IX case, but they learn that they've been asked to leave or been kicked out of their fraternity. And they're friends with whom they thought they had this deep connection. They're now on an island alone. What can you tell us about this? Or what are your thoughts on why that happens. Susan Stone: Other than the legal aspect? Because we always wonder. Is it really the boys or the boys that succombing to pressure from their chapters saying, mm-hmm we, we don't want our charter revoked. You gotta get that kid out and suspend them and it  Kristina Supler: make it begs the question. How real are the friendships? Yeah. And then that's a painful, uh, ugly dose of reality that these young men are, are navigating on top of everything else. So, Michael, what are your thoughts?  Susan Stone: Are boys really good time, Charlies?  Dr. Michael Reichert: Well, you're saying you're packing a lot into your question. So it, I, I think I need to unpack it a little bit or answer from different angles. Number one boys friendships are uh, transformative just as their relationships with teachers and coaches can be transformative. You know, that's what Niobe Ways research established was that these are relationships in which boys can live. They can breathe, they can be themselves and absent those relationships. Their mental health is, is considerably diminished they're alone. So you know, the feeling that your clients have expressed when they get canceled by their fraternity. Of being at a complete loss. I think that's very real and painful. That's number one, but number two, you know, we are in an era, almost a pendulum swing era in which the realities of title IX and me too are seeping into the culture in ways that I think are largely. There's been this culture, this bro culture that has existed in uh, male development that has been tacitly the dominant, a dominant theme for generations and to be called out now historically, uh, about where aggression in intimate, uh, relationships crosses a line. I think that's actually really healthy and important. And, and it, you know, it sets a bar that I think boys need to recognize and take account of, I think a lot about integrity and what what enables a, a young man to retain his human integrity, his humanity. In the context of a culture that does so much puts on puts so much pressure on boys to lose themselves, you know, this idea, for example, that for most boys, their introduction to their sexuality is in pornography. You know, we're not really, some folks are talking about that, but it's not nearly a pervasive enough conversation, particularly in families raising boys. I, I think that. These, the implementation of title IX rules on campus is I think that is in my mind, historic swing. Do boys at the same time as they're being called out, need to be called in, in some restorative justice context? I do believe that I feel strongly about that. Susan Stone: So do we, you should know that many, many years ago. Uh, Kristine and I went to Swarthmore, your neck of the woods, and we were certified in restorative justice. And you know, we talk about it for years. Kristina Supler: It's a wonderful approach to conflict resolution, repairing but  Susan Stone: harm. But I will tell you by and large, we don't get to employ those skills. We're typically hired to be advisors in a more traditional hearing setting, but we always pitch it. And I'm still waiting for the day where someone's gonna ask us to serve as advisors in a restorative justice setting. Hasn't happened yet. When did we go to Swarthmore?  Kristina Supler: Oh gosh, years ago. I don't remember, but it, it's interesting to see academic institutions embrace restorative justice more for title nine, of course, now that that's permitted with the regulations or student general student misconduct cases, but it's, it has not caught on everywhere. And there's still many students who are very, very resistant to the idea and, and view it as a process that isn't going to help resolve whatever the, the harm in question is. Susan Stone: But we're not, we're not given up on that. Michael, we, we believe in it. ,  Dr. Michael Reichert: My son went to Swarthmore, by the way. And maybe during the time that you were taking your training, your certification,  Susan Stone: you have to ask him and did he see two fabulous women walk across campus? Cause I'm sure it was us. I'm sure Dr. Michael Reichert: The arc of history here is really important to acknowledge, you know, that's really what I was trying to say. Mm-hmm and I do look forward to a time. I believe there will be a time in which you will be asked less to defend young men in these accusations and more to help restore some kind of res you know, some resolution to  I think I mentioned in my notes before your interview today that I'm launching a new study of younger men, 18 to 30 years old in partnership with an organization based in DC, Equa Mundo. We're about to launch a state of American men survey. Probably, uh, within a month or two.  We're very aware of the fact that we're taking, we're undertaking this study in a context in which Senator Holly is coming up with a new book. Uh, and Tucker Carlson is coming up with a new book, both about men and both about sort of celebrating traditional masculinity. The weaponization of masculinity is unfortunately one of the characteristics of our time and your legal practice, my work as a developmental psychologist, a consulting psychologist, and an a researcher it's taking place in this historic context, what I will say. And one of the reasons we're focusing on 18 to 30 year old guys is I don't think there's ever been a better time to be a young man. To be raising a son or educating a son. I think it's actually the first time I, I get grandiose here, Kristina and Susan, and I say, I think the first time in all of human history, in which we're really able to acknowledge the full humanity of male male beings. And in particular, the relational and emotional natures of males I think is for the first time really coming under popular scrutiny. All of these athletes, for example, who are saying, indeed I struggle with anxiety or depression or whatnot, the legitimation of males as people who have deep feelings in relationships have intimacy needs who have lots and lots of feelings and need to express those feelings. I think that's how I. This historic time and we're in a contest for what view of men is going to prevail. We're gonna have a, kind of a militaristic masculinity, you know, a throwback masculinity touted in the public square from some very loud voices. And, uh, I think that in your work defending young men who have been called out fairly or unfairly I'm I'm sure. You know, you get, you get both.  Susan Stone: We do get both. Um, and we see that there is no one flavor of a male respondent. We've had many men tell us that they don't like hooking up. They want the relationships to be deeper than sex. They don't like partying. We've had that. We've had situations where there was rough sex and it was not introduced by the male. It was introduced by the female. So we do see a lot of young men cry. Oh  Kristina Supler: yeah. I mean, it's Michael, it's so interesting to hear you say, uh, that it's such a wonderful time to examine these issues and raise young men because when Susan and I are meeting with young men every day and talking to their families, the constant refrain we hear from parents who are sitting in our office, you know, in tears about whatever the situation at hand is, because they're just in this nightmare that they never envisioned involving their child is it's such a hard time for young men on college campuses in particular.  Susan Stone: I'm gonna throw a question that I we've prepared our questions that occurred to me. um, and this is gonna be a really controversial question. I'm seeing almost the opposite where it used to be, that people would say that their boys need to toughen it up and their girls were allowed to be vulnerable. And lately we're almost seeing a shift in parenting where parents of girls assume that the girls are competent and will take care of things. And that their boys are so fragile that if Kristina and I push hard, for example, when we do mock cross examination to get students ready for a hearing, we hear their boys are gonna break. And so we're actually seeing wouldn't you agree like eggshell males and warrior women?  Dr. Michael Reichert: I love that.  Kristina Supler: yeah, it it's it. You never know that. And that's actually, what I love about what we do for a living is you never know what you're gonna deal with on, on the day to day something new comes in. And just when you think you have a certain conception of how someone acts or responds to a situation you're confronted with something new. But I mean, what are your thoughts, Michael?  Susan Stone: Yeah, because I'm gonna tell you what we're speaking. We, we get asked to speak at the during his places and Wednesday we've been invited into someone's home with a group of young men and their moms before they go off to college, it's coming up, summer's almost over. And we're gonna talk about things that they should be concerned about. Of course we will give you credit, Michael, but can you give us a little something extra to share that we can talk to these boys and their moms about before these boys go off to college?  Dr. Michael Reichert: I'm still thinking about pondering your phrase eggshell boy, eggshell men and warrior women, Susan. I like that. That was  Kristina Supler: a good one. A little. Yeah.  Dr. Michael Reichert: In a nutshell, what I would say is this in a, in a survey that launched. Boyhood campaign global boyhood initiative. Equa Mundo did a survey and, uh, focus group research project. And when they surveyed parents of boys, what they found was that one of the values that parents placed cherished most importantly in their sons is something that they called emotional. and there's different ways of defining that, that I think really does illustrate my point. That there's never been a better time to be a boy to raise a son. Traditionally, emotional strength has been defined as stoicism. Suck it up. Don't show any feelings. Keep it to yourself. Rise above it, be rational. The problem is that that doesn't work particularly well. It comes at a tremendous personal cost that we've just hidden, we haven't really openly acknowledged it's coming out now that football players and star basketball players and all kinds of public figures, have been suffering and quietly believing that they need to some. Rise above that suffering. When in fact, the solution as a therapist, someone in clinical practice for a long, long time, what I know is that the solution to those kinds of struggles is the opposite of keeping it inside. It's letting it out, getting it off your chest, relieving yourself of de tension by finding someone that can quote unquote, hold you, listen to you care about you understand. We're built to cleanse our minds of suffering and struggle, but not by keeping it inside and what the current generations are doing. What younger men are figuring out is that they need to be able to do that. They need the right, the permission to do that. I teach an emotional literacy course that, that boys school outside of Philadelphia, the Haverford school mm-hmm , I've been doing it now for close to 30 years. When we first started out it was suspect. And only a kind of a self-selected few would find their way into the voluntary program. Now, 2022, that program has become what the boys call the best program in the school. The room fills with people coming. And maybe they're coming for the pizza, but I believe they're also coming for the opportunity and it's a drop and a bucket opportunity, you know, but the opportunity to talk to their friends in a real way, and the kinds of profound ways that boys will share stories about what's going on in their lives. Kristina Supler: Your comments are making me think about, of course we're located in Cleveland, Ohio. And so I'm thinking of the Cavalier's player. Kevin Love, who is, well, I'm thinking of Julia. Yes, huge. And everyone loves him for a variety of reasons. But when he came out about his struggles, I. Believe it was depression and anxiety. He, number one, it was so brave of him to share and be vulnerable with the whole country and talk about that. And I think he drew a lot of attention to the issue, but it was also curious to hear people talk about like, gee, how could this. famous, rich superstar athlete have these issues. That's so shocking. And I know Susan, I, I mean, I heard people making comments along those lines and I thought like, of course they do. I mean, this is what we see every day is a certain, you know, conception of masculinity they're struggling and they have these issues and challenges.  Susan Stone: Yeah. I just wanna circle back Michael to our talks with moms and boys, from what, tell me if you agree with this. From what I'm hearing, we really need to say that we know the transition to college is gonna be difficult. So for moms and parents of males going off to college where you are alone, and it's a long haul, that freshman year is hard to make sure that there are outlets for those males to express home sickness and loneliness and fear. Is that the message you think we should send on Wednesday night and in future talks?  Dr. Michael Reichert: Yes. I would say it a bit differently. Would I say to parents who are about to launch their sons to college freshman years? I say what you want is for your son to have you in his hip. If the attachment process in these primary relationships has gone well, so that the boy has a secure sense of being quote unquote, well held by his mom or his dad or both. What we want is for that boy to have easy access to the resource of that relationship, no matter what he's facing. Now the fear is always, you know, we have this phenomenon that Kate Lombardi Stone wrote about in her book. Mama's Boy Myth. We have this fear that many moms carry that if they keep their sons too close, they'll somehow undermine his, his individuation as a masculinity. They'll turn 'em into a mama's boy. And what I say to moms, when I talk to him, Susan, is that's nonsense. It's just the opposite. boys will want to be autonomous and independent and strong, but we don't understand separation any longer in developmental psychology as turning away from relationships or giving up on them, we actually grow in relationships, not out of them. And so boys will use their mothers as sounding boards or as stress relief valve. When they need to provided that the channel for communication is kept clear. Now, a lot of moms do, they're the ones that initiate the calls. They, they can't deal with the separation at their end. That's a different phenomenon. yeah. That's a different conversation. well,  Susan Stone: I actually am reflecting because I have two girls and one boy, and ironically, I do speak to my son more than my two daughters combin.  Kristina Supler: that is true. You say that it's very true. Yeah. Just as an outside observer.  Susan Stone: Yeah. I'm thinking and reflecting. I, I was a single mother raising three kids, and I will say, I always believed in my mind that it's much harder for a mother to raise a son without a dad present that it is a daughter. And there are a lot of single mothers out there. Do you have advice for single mom?  Dr. Michael Reichert: Okay. I have to, um, refer you to a wonderful book written by a famous Ackerman Institute, family therapist, Olga Silverstein. The book is titled the courage to raise good men. And it's a book that's based on her experience as a single mom raising her son. But essentially Susan, what she says that I, I wholeheartedly agree with is. You build this relationship with your son in which essentially you promise him, that you will always be in the background of his life there for him supporting him, loving him, knowing him, willing to hold him when he needs, needs to reveal something that's hard. And there's nothing about becoming a man that requires that your. To turn away from that or give up on that or somehow go without that strength comes from connection, not from separation. And that's the thing. I think that we, psychologists folks like Niobe Way and myself, what we're trying to redefine is what is emotional strength. And it actually is having the courage to acknowledge. I'm scared. I feel bad. I'm upset. And, and acknowledge that in the face of a culture that might derogate you if you reveal those feelings. But that's the good news here, you know, less and less. That's true. It's an exciting time.  Kristina Supler: Well, Michael, this has been a really wonderful, oh my God episode. It's really such a pleasure to talk with you and hear what you have to add to the discussion that you put in your book, how to raise a boy, the power of connection to build good men. And we encourage our listeners to check out the book and thank you so much for joining us today.  Susan Stone: Michael, we could talk to you further, but I think it's really good to end on a note where my mind is just racing because with all the pain going on the world, mm-hmm, leaving on a note that this is a great time to raise a boy. It's a great time to be a male in the face of everything. And that men are more comfortable being more emotional, that bodes well for both men and our daughters and women. So  Dr. Michael Reichert: thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Good luck in your parenting um, thank you both. Thanks for talking with you. Thank you. Susan Stone: Thank you.

Gender norms still (and unnecessarily!) limit boys, says journalist Lisa Selin Davis, author of Tomboy: The Surprising History and Future of Girls Who Dare to be Different. Which may not be an accident, since gender norms (as we know them today) were essentially created to ensure that male children grew into straight, non-homosexual men. "The way we conceive of boys' stuff and girls' stuff in this country is really only about 100 years old," she says. "It's important for us to understand that what we think of as 'normal' for boys and 'normal' for girls is culturally and temporally dependent." Up until the end of the 19th century, sex, gender, and sexuality were all kind of blurred together. When the general public began to recognize homosexuality, parents quickly learned "that it was not a desirable outcome to have your child grow up to be gay, so the way to prevent that from happening was to emphasize masculinity," Lisa says. Gender norms for females have loosened considerably in recent years. (There's a nearly 100% chance that you've seen a woman or girl wearing pants today, for instance.) But there's not yet been in equivalent expansion of the "man box" for boys and men. Many well-meaning adults still say things that reinforce gender norms and send harmful messages. "I think parents don't realize that when they say, 'oh, honey, no; don't buy that because that's a pink ball,'" Lisa says, "that they're sending a message that it's not okay to be feminine. And a message that it's not okay to be gay." Of course, no matter what we parent do, children face pressure to conform to gender norms - often, from their peers. Parents (and others) can help be supporting a child's interests, no matter what they are. "The more a child is immune to gender stereotypes, the better it is for them in life," Lisa says. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Lisa discuss: The history of gender norms in the United States Generational reactions to gender roles Gender & marketing Helping boys be themselves in a hyper-gendered culture Working in communities to shift gender norms Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Why a Pink Tutu Can Be a Gender-Neutral Christmas Gift -- Washington Post article by Lisa (referenced in intro) Tomboy: The Surprising History and Future of Girls Who Dare to Be Different, by Lisa Selin Davis BROADVIEW with Lisa Selin Davis -- Lisa's subscription newsletter Women 32% More Likely to Die After Operation by Male Surgeon, Study Reveals -- The Guardian article about the study mentioned at 13:12 How to Raise a Boy (w Michael C. Reichert) -- ON BOYS conversation To Raise a Boy (w Emma Brown) -- ON BOYS conversation Raising Them: Our Adventures in Gender Creative Parenting, by Kyl Myers -- book mentioned at 40:01 Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen's newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Opt-in at Boys Alive! for your free guide: Boys & Big Emotions with Janet Sponsor Spotlight: Sambucol Use the BOYS15 discount code to SAVE 15% off your next order of $9.99 or more Sponsor Spotlight: LCP Medical  Comfortable face masks that capture, disable & discard infectious germs Use the ONBOYS22 discount code to SAVE 22% off your order

Meghan Leahy is one of our favorite parenting experts. Her advice is grounded in experience (she's got 3 kids and is a parenting columnist for the Washington Post), understanding (again: she's got 3 kids!), and compassion (like the rest of us, she's exhausted and overwhelmed). She's honest, engaging and an absolute hoot. Her latest book, Parenting Outside the Lines: Forget the Rules, Tap Into Your Wisdom and Connect with Your Child, was published just over a year ago -- so we thought this would be a good time to re-visit our conversation with her, which we originally released in September 2020. (You know, just as most of us were freaking out over the beginning of a very unconventional school year.) Some gems: “I haven't yet found a parent who's really changed their parenting based on ‘studies say,' I've never told a parent, ‘Well, studies say if you don't yell, your kid will be happier,' and had the parent say, ‘oh my god, I didn't know that! Now I'll stop yelling.'” and  “Strategies are neither here nor there. One may work; one may not. But if the underpinning of compassionate, boundaried connection isn't there, it doesn't matter.” In this episode, Jen, Janet & Meghan Leahy discuss: The importance of connection Learning to trust yourself How modern culture has made parenting more difficult Why it's OK to not know what to do What to do when your son doesn't want to do an activity he once loved Parenting during the pandemic The link between kindness and resilience Screen time (and why you need to look at your screen habits before tackling your kids' screen time) How to enjoy parenting Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Parenting Outside the Lines: Forget the Rules, Tap Into Your Wisdom and Connect with Your Child — Meghan's book Meghan's Washington Post On Parenting columns mlparentcoach.com — Meghan's website How to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert — ON BOYS episode mentioned at 07:11 The Neufield Institute — courses, events and resources from Gordon Neufield, PhD (mentioned at 8:47) Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kids, by Kim John Payne and Kim Ross — book mentioned at 16:07 My Suddenly Sedentary Teen Seems Stuck. How Much Should I Push Him to Move? — Meghan's column about the soccer player (mentioned at 17:24) Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children's vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%.    will you check the beginning to make sure it lines up okay?  thank you!!  and we should let her know it's going live, too...  

Czas na bonusowy odcinek III sezonu! Z wielką radością Pracownia Dziewczyn gości dziś Magdę Korczyńską - założycielkę wielu dobrze znanego bloga "Jak wychowywać dziewczynki?".  Ta edukacyjna przestrzeń, dziś promowana również ze sporym sukcesem na Instagramie, wspiera rodziców w wychowaniu bez krzywdzących stereotypów płci i pomaga, głównie dziewczynom, dekonstruować szkodliwe komunikaty, które wiele z nas słyszało w dzieciństwie, a których konsekwencje często odczuwamy i dziś.  W Pracowni Magda opowiada o refleksji nad pewnymi badaniami naukowymi, która przyczyniła się do powstania "Jak wychowywać dziewczynki?" i o odwadze, która potrzebna jest do rodzicielskiego "chodzenia pod prąd". Rozmawiamy o tym, co mówić, gdy z ust bliskich (np. dziadka, babci, cioci, wujka, itp.) padają pełne stereotypów powiedzonka pod adresem dzieci, a których rodzice sobie nie życzą. O stawaniu w obronie dzieci i komunikatach, które sama Magda słyszała w dzieciństwie.  Poza tym Magda stawia się w roli Ministry Edukacji i mówi czego brakuje w systemie szkolnictwa. Opowiada o "kontrowersyjnych" zagadnieniach opublikowanych na "Jak wychowywać dziewczynki?" i jak jej dzisiejsza praca spełnia zawodowe marzenie małej Magdy.    Polecenia Magdy do Kanonu Lektur Pracowni Dziewczyn:  Dla dziewczyn: "Mężczyźni objaśniają mi świat” - Rebecca Solnit, "Czarownice. Niezwyciężona siła kobiet” - Mona Chollet, "Niewidzialne kobiety. Jak dane tworzą świat skrojony pod mężczyzn”, Caroline Criado Perez; Film: "Nie jestem łatwy” (polecam obejrzeć z partnerem/mężem/chłopakiem) Dla rodziców: "Pod presją. Twarzą w twarz z epidemią stresu i lęku wśród dziewcząt” - Lisa Damour, "Jak wychowywać chłopca. Potęga relacji w kształtowaniu dobrych ludzi” - Michael C. Reichert, "Jak wychować syna feministę czyli świadomego, wolnego i szczęśliwego mężczyznę” - Aurelia Blanc * Blog "Jak wychowywać dziewczynki?": https://jakwychowywacdziewczynki.pl/ JWD na Instagramie i Facebooku: @jakwychowywacdziewczynki Ankieta Pracowni Dziewczyn: https://3k6ijfkt1p4.typeform.com/to/NzgqnGEW Instagram Pracowni Dziewczyn @pracowniadziewczynpod Kontakt: pracowniadziewczynpodcast@gmail.com  

There's a lot of talk about helping girls to take their power and shed limiting stereotypes, but our boys suffer from limits too. How can we stop our unconscious role-typing of boys and girls? Don't we want boys to become compassionate, sensitive, heart-centered husbands and dads? Michael C Reichert can be found at MichaelCReichert.com and his book How To Raise A Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men is available from Amazon and Barnes and Noble Join my mailing list by sending me an email message at info@essentialstepmom.com. I'd love to connect with you! Book a free call to learn about my 1:1 coaching program for dads who want to help their kids over parental alienation and get on with being a regular father again. bit.ly/CALLTRACY If you're a social media kind of person, join my closed Facebook group, The Spectacular Stepmom and meet some really nice women you can relate to! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/essentialstepmom/message

Parenting outside the lines frees us up to connect with our children in an authentic way. It allows us to skip over the "must do's" and simply, instead, do the next right thing in any given moment. And if the "right thing" ultimately takes us a direction we don't want to go, it gives us the opportunity to apologize and course correct. It encourages us to trust the wisdom deep within. "I haven't yet found a parent who's really changed their parenting based on 'studies say,'" says Meghan Leahy, a mom of three, parenting coach and author of Parenting Outside the Lines: Forget the Rules, Tap Into Your Wisdom and Connect with Your Child. "I've never told a parent, 'Well, studies say if you don't yell, your kid will be happier,' and had the parent say, 'oh my god, I didn't know that! Now I'll stop yelling.'" Early in her career as a parenting coach, Meghan taught parents strategies they could use to manage their kids' behavior. But only some parents were successful with those strategies. Other parents used the same exact techniques and did not see the positive changes they were expecting. She learned that "strategies are neither here nor there. One may work; one may not. But if the underpinning of compassionate, boundaried connection isn't there, it doesn't matter." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Meghan discuss: The importance of connection Learning to trust yourself How modern culture has made parenting more difficult Why it's OK to not know what to do What to do when your son doesn't want to do an activity he once loved Parenting during the pandemic The link between kindness and resilience Screen time (and why you need to look at your screen habits before tackling your kids' screen time) How to enjoy parenting Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Parenting Outside the Lines: Forget the Rules, Tap Into Your Wisdom and Connect with Your Child -- Meghan's book Meghan's Washington Post On Parenting columns mlparentcoach.com -- Meghan's website How to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 07:11 The Neufield Institute -- courses, events and resources from Gordon Neufield, PhD (mentioned at 8:47) Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kids, by Kim John Payne and Kim Ross -- book mentioned at 16:07 My Suddenly Sedentary Teen Seems Stuck. How Much Should I Push Him to Move? -- Meghan's column about the soccer player (mentioned at 17:24) Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%.  STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

Two years. More than 100 episodes covering important topics such as boys & sex, masculinity, ADHD, mental health, honesty & so much more. But on our SECOND anniversary, we're most grateful for the relationships we've created. We're no longer simply co-hosts or colleagues; we're friends. We enjoy talking to one another as much as (we hope) you enjoy listening to us. We're also grateful for the professional connections we've made as a result of this podcast. This year alone, we spoke with Steve Biddulph, Peggy Orenstein, Phyllis Fagell, Dr. Vanessa LaPointe, Michael C. Reichert & dozens of other on-the-ground boy advocates. It may seem, sometimes, that boys are an after thought in today's world, but we've learned that there a lot of smart, caring, committed people who care deeply about boys and their future. We're thankful for YOU, our listeners. You inspire and motivate us. In fact, we'd like to get to know you better, so we can better meet your needs. Will you please take a few minutes to complete our first-ever Listener Survey? CLICK HERE! In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: The importance of humor in raising boys How parenting keeps us grounded ON BOYS' origin story How Jen & Janet learned so much about boys Why one-size-fits-all answers don't work Our individual quirks Will you do us a favor? Take 5 minutes to complete our Listener Survey? Click here: ON BOYS Listener Survey -- we want to know you better, so we can serve up the information you need! Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Role of Memes in Teen Culture -- Jen's New York Times article, mentioned at 4:26 Introducing Co-Hosts Janet & Jen -- our very first ON BOYS episode, mentioned at 9:27 Sex, Teens & Everything in Between, by Shafia Zaloom -- book recommended by Peggy Orenstein during our Boys & Sex conversation, mentioned at 25:25 LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:   Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

#014 Heather and Robyn discuss how to increase your connection with your teen in response to national tragedy. They share their own thoughts and grief, in addition to several resources to guide toward connection with loved ones.Brene Brown:Ted Talk: Shame Ted Talk: VulnerabilityNetflix SpecialBooks by Brene (Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving the Wilderness, Dare to Lead)Parenting Foward: How to Raise Children with Justice, Mercy, and Kindness by Cindy Wang-BrandtThe Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne BrysonUntangled by Lisa DamourHow to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men by Michael C. Reichert The Dougy Center: the National Center for Grieving Children and Families Light the Fight Podcast

Jo LangfordSex educator & author How much do you know about the apps KIK, WeChat and My LOL? If you're like most parents, the answer is "not much" (if anything!). You know that cell phones and social media are an important part of tween and teen culture -- in fact, digital communication is the primary source of social connection for many kids today -- but you don't really understand what they do online. As an adult, you're well aware of the potential risks of digital communication, but are unsure which apps and activities are safe. Enter Jo Langford. We last talked to Jo, a therapist, author and sex educator, about sex education in the 21st century. Since then, he's started a podcast to help today's parents understand the apps used by today's kids: APPropriate. Freaking out about your sons' social media activity is never helpful. Jo encourages parents to stop, breathe and be aware. "You don't have to understand every single app out there," Jo says. "There are dozens of them and they're changing all the time; it's just exhausting. What you want to do is get clear about what your values are and communicate that to your kids. Tell your kids what you're OK with them doing, what kind of pictures you're OK with them having, who you're OK with them following and friending and how they behave when they do that." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Jo discuss: How to tame your fear regarding kids' online activities Tweens' favorite apps: Instagram & Tik Tok Teens' favorite apps: SnapChat and Instagram Why kids may have more than one Instagram account (It's not necessarily nefarious) Whether or not it's OK to kids to have a private space online How you can connect with your child via Tik Tok and Instagram Why young kids (especially) should keep their social circles small How to establish behavioral expectations for social networking and online activities What to do if you find an app on your son's phone that you don't approve of (Hint: Don't yell. Ask questions!) How to use parental controls How to help your kids be conscious of the content they are consuming online Red flag behaviors to watch for -- and what to do if you notice them Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: APPropriate -- Jo's podcast BeHeroes.net -- Jo's online home 21st Century Sex Ed with Jo Langford -- ON BOYS episode The Pride Guide: The Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth, by Jo Langford Racists are Recruiting. Watch your White Sons. -- NYT op-ed by Joanna Schroeder (discussed at 25:50) How to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 33:00 LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:  Use this link Facebook: Use this link Linkedin: Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

340%. The ON BOYS audience grew by 340% this year. We now have listeners in more than 110 countries, including the United States, Canada, Australia, the UK, India, South Africa, Sri Lanka, Botswana and Bolivia -- which means that our message of support for boys is resonating and empowering parents worldwide. This year, we hosted 33 guests, ranging of Phyllis Fagell of Middle School Matters fame to Katy Rank Lev, an ON BOYS listener who shared with us the reality of parenting three young sons. We tackled a wide variety of topics, including esports, vaping, racism, mental health and suicide. We shared, we laughed and sometimes, we cried. Next year, we'll tackle more timely topics and introduce you to more guests. (Already slated for the new year: an episode about the apps your kids use on a daily basis, and a conversation with Meagan Francis of The Mom Hour.) But first, we review 2019. In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss our favorite episodes of 2019: Steve Biddulph on Raising Boys -- our most popular episode of the year! A basic knowledge of boy development, coupled with general familiarity with the many challenges boys face, will help you parent your son. (“There are risk factors to being a boy,” Steve says, pointing out that males are 3 times more likely to die by age 25 than females.) Learning more about the “Full-On 4s” and the “Emotional 8s” will increase your understanding of your son, so you can respond more effectively to his mood changes and growth. How to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert Raising good boys, Reichert says, is really quite simple.  “If we violate boys’ basic natures, bad outcomes will ensue,” he says, “If we meet their basic needs, they’re likely to wind up connected to their hearts, connected to their virtue and connected to their goodness.” Breaking the Boy Code While many people talk about boys, Jonathon talks with boys. He gives them a safe space to explore their thoughts and experiences of masculinity, and he gives them a venue to share their insights with others. "My Boy Can" Parenting At age 4, Sassy Harvey’s son was told that if he dances, he must be a girl. Or gay.  Not surprisingly, he quit dance class soon after that. Parent From Love, Not Fear (w Bryan Post) The best part about love- vs. fear-based parenting is that you don’t have to understand and even know the details of your child’s trauma. Often, Post says, adoptive parents feel frustrated because they are overwhelmed by their child’s behavior and don’t even know the details of the child’s life pre-adoption. No matter, he says. The parent is likely overwhelmed and frustrated because the “energy of the child triggers something that is already there.” Identifying and dealing with that energy (aka unresolved issue) will lead to dramatic improvement in the parents’ ability to connect with their child. Charlie Capen on Fatherhood and Raising Boys A generation ago, there were few — if any — spaces for dads to discuss the challenges of parenthood. Today’s dads often grew up with career-focused fathers who spent little time on day-to-day childcare. Now, fathers are increasingly involved in their children’s lives but they’re still stymied by stereotypes. Capen is one of the many dads who are blazing a new trail. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Building Boys Bulletin -- Jen's newsletter (You can also sign-up via BuildingBoys) Boys Alive Clubhouse -- Janet's new membership site How to Have a Perfectly Imperfect Christmas -- video mentioned at 5:00. Features 2 of our favorite guests, Dr. Vanessa Lapointe & Maggie Dent! STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

CBSN recently released a new documentary, Raising Boys. Among those featured in the documentary: our very own Jennifer L.W. Fink. The intent of the documentary, says producer Kayla Ruble, was to examine "what issues lead to the headlines" that so often announce stories of men behaving badly. The intent was to search for answers to the question that is on the mind of every parent of boys: How do we raise good men?  The documentary features 6  families -- David French, a dad who discusses the difference between raising boys today vs. when he was growing up Gemma Gaudette, the mom of a son who got in trouble for punching a kid who picked on him Mike & Katy Anderson, parents of three active boys who love to wrestle and brawl Roe Anderson, a single mom of a boy who prefers art to sports Ruth Whippman, a mom of three boys who discusses the messages boys receive about masculinity from books and movies Roberto and Tenysa Santiago, parents of three children including a boy who like to paint his nails and wear his hair in a pontail -- as well as expert commentary from Ted Bunch, co-founder of A Call to Men (Tim Bell, a Call to Men mentor and basketball coach also shares his experience) Michael C. Reichert, author of How to Raise a Boy (and a previous ON BOYS guest) Dr. Lise Eliot, author of Pink Brain, Blue Brain Jen! What did you think about the documentary? Are there topics you wish they would have covered? Something you think deserved a deeper dive? Let us know in the comments below! In this episode, Jen, Janet & Kayla discuss: Why CBS felt the time was right to focus on boys What Kayla learned about boys while working on the documentary Parents' attitudes toward the #MeToo and girl empowerment movements Response to the documentary (Spoiler: Many people love it. Others say the FBI and Child Protective Services should be called on the parents.) The pressure and fears felt by parents of boys Evolving gender norms and roles How dads are coping with changing expectations for boys and men Progress toward gender equality Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Raising Boys -- CBSN documentary Raising Boys as Society Redefines Masculinity -- CBS Morning Show segment about the documentary Grown Men Are the Solution, Not the Problem -- article by David French, one of the dads in the documentary Masculinity in the Age of #MeToo -- ON BOYS episode #105 Sponsor Spotlight: Stryke Club Skin care specifically made for boys! Created by a group of “boy moms,” including a pediatric dermatologist, Stryke Club products are simple, safe and non-drying. Use discount code ONBOYS to save 10%. LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter: Use this link Facebook: Use this link Linkedin: Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer

#235 - MICHAEL C. REICHERT, Ph.D., clinical practitioner and founding director of the Center for the Study of Boys' and Girls' Lives at the University of Pennsylvania shares transformational insights from his extensive studies and his book How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Raise Good Men (TarcherPerigee, April 2019). We discuss discipline and the single most important factor that shapes how a boy learns. This is a conversation every educator and parent will want to hear. You may have first heard this episode in April 2019. It's worth a revisit!xx Ellie KnausAs always: subscribe, rate, and review HERE! Your support for this independent pod never goes unnoticed!Subscribe + Listen on the Go: Apple Podcasts | StitcherJoin our @atomicmoms Instagram, Facebook, and Facebook community.

**Follow us on Twitter - @InstantRel** Welcome to the 3rd Season of the Instant Relevance Podcast! Denis (@MathDenisNJ) and Raymond (@blended_math) interview research psychologist, speaker, and author of 'How to Raise a Boy’ - Michael C. Reichert (@michreich). The hosts talk to Michael about his global research on boy’s lives and how to create relational classrooms and schools to end the crisis of boyhood. More from Michael C. Reichert: -- michaelcreichert.com/ Check out more from Denis: -- denissheeran.com/ Check out more from Ray: -- blendedlearningnetwork.org The Instant Relevance Podcast is a member of VoicEd.ca and the Education Podcast Network - www.edupodcastnetwork.com/

Michael C. Reichert, PhD (http://www.michaelcreichert.com/)is founding director of the Center for the Study of Boys' and Girls' Lives at the University of Pennsylvania and a clinical practitioner specializing in boys and men, who has also conducted extensive research globally. In his recent book, How to Raise a Boy, he shares powerful stories and research about the behaviors, roles and expectations we place on young boys and how that often locks them into ways of being that are destructive not only to their own lives, but also potentially to their relationships in all parts of life and to society writ large. In our conversation, Reichert also addresses a number of societal myths and offers more constructive, science-backed reframes. At a time when we’re all reexamining questions of gender, identity, behavior and the way we bring ourselves to the world and our roles in teaching those who look to us as models of behavior and values, this topic has never been more important.Check out our offerings & partners: Mailchimp: Now what? Mailchimp, that’s what. Learn more at mailchimp.comBen & Jerry's: Dig into your own favorite flavor anywhere ice cream is sold, or find a new favorite at benjerry.comThirdLove: Go to ThirdLove.com/GOODLIFE now to find your perfect-fitting bra... and get 15% off your first purchase!Everlane: Right now, you can check out our personalized collection at Everlane.com/GOODLIFE plus, you’ll get free shipping on your first order.

Michael C. Reichert, author of How to Raise a Boy. Topic: The power of connection to build good men. Issues: Confined by boyhood; freeing boys; boys in schools; boys’ emotional lives; listening and observing without judgement so boys know they’re being heard; the dangers of “man up” and “big boys don’t cry.” The post How to Raise a Boy appeared first on Mr. Dad.

“Give yourself the gift of listening to a boy and don’t be put off by boys that seem like they don’t want your gift, they can’t help themselves. They will want it sooner or later.” Michael Reichert, Ph.D. In this podcast episode, I interview Michael C. Reichert, Ph.D., founding director of the Center for the… The post Ep. 89: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men with Michael Reichert, Ph.D. appeared first on Sunshine Parenting.

Michael Reichert is an applied and research psychologist who has long been an advocate for children and families. From counseling youth involved in the juvenile justice system through experiences leading treatment teams in a psychiatric hospital, all the while managing an independent clinical practice, Dr. Reichert has tested his understanding of children with practical, even life-saving, challenges. Every single kind of problem was transformed based on relationship. It’s the adult’s job to be the relationship manager. Live up to your goals. Relational breakdowns. How do we promote the relationship between the boy and the teacher. Breakdowns happen all the time. It’s the responsibility of the relationship manager to monitor whether it has broken down. The boy that simply checks out and underperforms. Book I Can Learn From You: Boys as Relational Learners I won’t learn from you You may have to develop new skills out of your repertoire to reach kids. Every type of boy can be reached. When a teacher reaches their end of their rope, they need to reach out for their help. You recognize that this is really challenging and it is frustrating. You have the power to change this boy’s life, and I know it is hard, If you can bear with him and continue to check in with him, you can reach him. How to be a transformative principal? Understand that you are asking your teachers to do this emotional work and validate the challenge that it is while saying boys are relational learners first! Schedule a call with Jethro Are you feeling like you are always behind at school? Do you feel like you need about 2 more hours each day to accomplish everything? Here’s how I help principals work manageable hours: Create your ideal week, so that you can leave work at work and enjoy your life! Please take a moment to rate this podcast in iTunes or on Stitcher.  Please follow me on Twitter: @jethrojones for the host and @TrnFrmPrincipal for the show. Buy Communication Cards Show notes on TransformativePrincipal.com Download Paperless Principal.   Take Control of your email Web Site Transformative Principal on Stitcher Refer A Principal Best Tools for Busy Administrators Survey    

  Michael Reichert is an applied and research psychologist who has long been an advocate for children and families. From counseling youth involved in the juvenile justice system through experiences leading treatment teams in a psychiatric hospital, all the while managing an independent clinical practice, Dr. Reichert has tested his understanding of children with practical, even life-saving, challenges. The stereotypes of women has changed significantly in the last 40 years. There’s been very little to counteract stereotypes of men and boys. Stereotypes shape boys’ lives early on. We cannot say that women are limited because of biology, but we still say that about boys. When Boys become “Boys” - Judy Chu Started out as direct, authentic and able to articulate themselves. Traveled from presence to pretense by way of posturing. Inauthentic and less willing to articulate their feelings. Conditioning comes from everywhere: teachers, parents, peers. A man box study - messages about being a man. Stoic, unemotional, strong, etc. Men more associated with man box stereotypes were more prone to negative behaviors, including suicidal ideation. Schools play a profound role in organizing the messages about what Men are. Every school is occupied by a hidden curriculum. Most educators feel as though they can’t get their arms around it. Boys have very little efficacy over the hidden curriculum. Policed by other boys. Often receive subtle and not-so-subtle redirection from adults and other boys. Student-teacher relationship and significance One-dimensional type of masculinity that is rewarded in school cultures. 1500-member study of boys and 1000 of their teachers. Tell us a story about a relationship that went well and oe that didn’t go well. So reassuring that the mask can be taken away when they do have a relationship. Relationships are transformative in three ways: practically, psychologically, existentially. Schedule a call with Jethro Are you feeling like you are always behind at school? Do you feel like you need about 2 more hours each day to accomplish everything? Here’s how I help principals work manageable hours: Create your ideal week, so that you can leave work at work and enjoy your life! Please take a moment to rate this podcast in iTunes or on Stitcher.  Please follow me on Twitter: @jethrojones for the host and @TrnFrmPrincipal for the show. Buy Communication Cards Show notes on TransformativePrincipal.com Download Paperless Principal.   Take Control of your email Web Site Transformative Principal on Stitcher Refer A Principal Best Tools for Busy Administrators Survey    

  How do you raise boys to become great men? That's the big question we tackle here at On Boys. It's the question Jen grapples with in her own home and on BuildingBoys, and the question Janet helps parents and teachers explore and answer through her coaching and online courses. Michael C. Reichert has spent a lot of time studying this question as well. He's a psychologist, dad & grandfather of boys and the founding director of the Center for the Study of Boys' and Girls' Lives. He's also the author of the recently released book, How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men. The key, he says, is to make sure your boys feel known and loved. Many people today blame "toxic masculinity" for violent, entitled and racist behavior in men and boys. But blaming "masculinity" for these behaviors draws attention away from the ways the current method of raising and socializing boys leads to all kinds of harms, including loss of virtue, loss of connection and loss of humanity, Reichert says. Unfortunately, stereotypes about boys & masculinity cause many of us to forget or neglect boys' basic need for connection. Pushing a boy out of the nest too early -- insisting he go it alone with minimal support -- does not lead to strength, resilience and grit. Boys who lack a solid relational anchor (usually, a strong relationship with a parent or other adult) are adrift -- and these the boys who harm themselves and others. Of course, boys don't make connection easy. Thanks in part of stereotypes and societal expectations, boys are likely to resist, reject and avoid your efforts to connect. Try anyway. Keep trying. Reichert recommends these three strategies to build connection:  1 Deep listening 2. Special time 3. The listen-limit-listen model of discipline It's possible to reach your son, no matter how disconnected he may be, Reichert says. It is never too late to develop and deepen your relationship with your son. Raising good boys, Reichert says, is really quite simple.  "If we violate boys' basic natures, bad outcomes will ensue," he says, "If we meet their basic needs, they're likely to wind up connected to their hearts, connected to their virtue and connected to their goodness." Memorial to the victims of the Portland MAX train shooting In this episode, Janet, Jen & Michael discuss: The importance of connection to boys How relationships help boys become good men The "Man Box" & how it restricts & harms boys The 2017 MAX train attack in Portland & what it teaches us about masculinity Toxic masculinity The mama's boy myth (Spoiler alert: It is NOT TRUE that only men can teach boys how to be good men) Dads' role in raising boys (Spoiler: It's NOT to teach him the secrets of masculinity) 3 strategies to build connection with boys Why boys won't work for teachers they don't believe care about them How stereotypes affect boys' behavior Why you need to create space & time to simply be delighted by your boys How to control your emotions so you can become emotionally available to your son Why it's perfectly OK to not be perfect Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men -- Michael's book michaelcreichert.com -- Michael's website (includes contact information) The Mama's Boy Myth: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger -- book by Kate Stone Lombardi When Boys Become Boys: Development, Relationships, and Masculinity -- book by Judy Chu, mentioned at 19:58 The Truth About Parenting Teen Boys -- BuildingBoys post that addresses the "asshole" question mentioned at 28:00

In this episode, Abbe tells us about the fairytale-inspired book she's been reading: Gingerbread by Helen Oyeyemi. Then, our book correspondent, Emma, sits down with Megan Griswold about her memoir-in-remedies, The Book of Help. Finally, Abbe chats with psychologist and author Michael C. Reichert, Ph.D., about his new work, How to Raise a Boy.

"He just won't talk to me." If you've ever uttered those words, you are not alone. Nearly every parent of boys has complained and/or worried about their sons' silence. We know that there's a lot going on in our boys' lives and we want to help -- but how can we help if they won't even tell us what's going on? Psychogeography, Janet says, might be the answer. (Don't know what that is? Don't worry! Jen didn't either.) The term psychogeography refers to the influence of geographical environment on the mind or on behavior. In other words, WHERE you are can influence communication. Think about it: hollering through a door sets an entirely different tone than sitting side-by-side in the car. As a parent, you can't make your son talk -- but there's a lot you can do to set the stage. Your actions, body language and behavior tell your son a lot about whether or not it's "safe" to talk to you. Phrases such as "My door is always open" and "You can tell me anything" are empty words to most boys. If you want your son to talk, you must first prove to your son -- through you words and behavior -- that you won't make things worse and are physically and emotionally available. Here's an acronym you can use to set yourself up for success: :  T.A.L.K. T -  The timing of your conversation. Be sensitive to your son's signals. A -  Incorporate action. Boys o best when they can do something physical during conversation. L - Love. Boys need to know that they're okay whatever is happening with them. K - Keep it kid-friendly. Choose developmentally appropriate words, and engage in your boy's world and interests. In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss: The importance of listening Phrases that don't work How to set aside time for communication Why side-by-side conversations are often the most productive The T.A.L.K. approach to conversation How to fix things if the conversation goes badly (Note: It is ALWAYS the adult's responsibility to repair the relationship. Don't expect your son to take the first step) Why you must be vulnerable in conversation How to set realistic expectations Males' tendency to process feelings via action & females' tendency to process via words Timing conversation (a.k.a, why it's important to make yourself available when they want to talk) Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: How to Listen so Boys Will Talk -- BuildingBoys blog post by Rob Brown What Do Teenagers Want? Potted Plant Parents -- New York Times article mentioned at 6:14 How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men -- book by Michael C. Reichert, mentioned at about 10:30 Episode 129: Grief with Tom Golden -- podcast episode mentioned at 16:41

In this thought-provoking conversation, MICHAEL C. REICHERT, Ph.D., clinical practitioner and founding director of the Center for the Study of Boys' and Girls' Lives at the University of Pennsylvania shares transformational insights from his extensive studies and his book How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Raise Good Men (TarcherPerigee, April 2019). We discuss discipline and the single most important factor that shapes how a boy learns. This is a conversation every educator and parent will want to hear. Listen up! xx Ellie KnausSubscribe + Listen on the Go: Apple Podcasts | StitcherJoin our Instagram, Facebook, and Facebook community.

Michael C. Reichert, Ph.D., is founding director of the Center for the Study of Boys’ and Girls’ Lives at the University of Pennsylvania, and a clinical practitioner specializing in boys and men who has conducted extensive research globally. From counseling youth involved in the juvenile justice system through experiences leading treatment teams in [...]

The academic achievement gap between girls and boys is now well established and growing. The reasons are complex and in this segment we explore some of the more obscure causes. We close by looking at what can be done to narrow, if not close, the gap. Follow: @BloomfieldDavid @NancyFlanagan @bodymindchild @bamradionetwork Michael C. Reichert, Ph.D. is a psychologist who currently serves as Executive Director of the Center for the Study of Boys' and Girls' Lives. He has written numerous publications, including Reaching Boys, Teaching Boys... Dr. David Bloomfield is Professor of Education Leadership, Law, and Policy at the City University of NY Graduate Center. Nancy Flanagan is a retired teacher, with 31 years as a K-12 Music specialist in the Hartland, Michigan schools.