Sunshine Parenting

Sunshine Parenting host Audrey "Sunshine" Monke & pediatrician (and camp doctor) Dr. Heather Silverberg talk about how COVID is impacting kids this summer at camp. Want encouragement & simple strategies for raising thriving future adults? Check out Audrey's book, HAPPY CAMPERS: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults. Happy Campers on Audible.

Check out Audrey's book, HAPPY CAMPERS, for insights and ideas for raising thriving future adults. Now available in audio, digital, and print formats. Visit Maureen Healy's website, Growing Happy Kids, for more about Maureen's work and books. Visit Sunshine Parenting for more resources & episodes. In this episode, Maureen Healy, Ph.D., and I talk about her new book, The Happiness Workbook for Kids, which is her brand new, kid-friendly workbook with ideas based on her many years of experience helping children improve their happiness and well-being. We previously discussed The Emotionally Healthy Child, which we discussed back in Ep. 80: The Emotionally Healthy Child with Maureen Healy.

Audio excerpt from Audrey Monke's book, HAPPY CAMPERS: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults. Now available at Audible.

Start listening to Happy Campers now! Just in time for summer, HAPPY CAMPERS: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults is now available on Audible! This week's podcast features an excerpt from the audiobook, "The Magic of Camp," that precedes the 9 Summer Camp Secrets. Learn ways to better connect with your kids, implement positive parenting practices, and help your family thrive, all during your busy days at home, at work, or on the go. Let HAPPY CAMPERS serve as a resource you'll refer back to throughout your parenting years as you connect with your kids, create a positive family culture, and coach your kids to grow their kindness, optimism, grit, responsibility, independence, and friendship skills. Thank you for joining me in raising a generation of kids who become thriving adults!  

Visit Sunshine Parenting for more posts, podcast episodes, and free downloadable resources. Best-selling author of nine books, child development expert, and psychologist Michael Thompson, Ph.D. talks about "good enough" parenting and the benefits of summer camp and other away-from-parents experiences. Hear tips from on expert on how to help kids grow their decision-making, self-reliance, and independence. About Michael For nearly thirty-five years, Michael Thompson, Ph.D. has worked as a clinical psychologist, school consultant and international speaker on the subjects of children, schools and parenting. He's authored nine books focusing on the emotional lives of boys, friendships and social cruelty in childhood, the impact of summer camp experiences on child development, the tensions that arise in the parent-teacher relationships, and psychological aspects of school leadership. Michael's work with independent schools and public school districts throughout the United States, and with international schools in Europe, Asia and South America takes him to about fifty schools a year to lead workshops for teachers, administrators, parents and students. Homesick and Happy: How Time Away from Parents Can Help a Child Grow Every child has to practice being independent and every parent has to practice letting his or her child be independent. Most kids feel some apprehension before going on their first adventure away from home without parents. Many parents are also nervous about the separation from their child, especially if your camper is expressing anxiety about going away to camp.  The biggest source of parental concern is often how your child will handle the separation from you and if they will experience negative emotions, often referred to as “homesickness,” while at camp. While most kids do not feel extreme symptoms of homesickness at camp, many experience emotional challenges during their first (and subsequent) experiences at summer camp and other away-from-parent experiences. These feelings are normal and are something that we have helped many campers work through. Campers feel a great sense of accomplishment when they successfully overcome the challenge of homesickness, and we encourage you to view this experience through the lens of the long-term positive outcomes for your child. Homesick and Happy, by Michael Thompson, Ph.D., is an excellent resource, not only as you prepare to send your child to camp this summer, but also as you think about and prepare your child for other future adventures away from you (like college!). Quotes from Homesick & Happy Children want to be independent, and they realize that they cannot be truly independent until they beat homesickness, even when they have a painful case of it. At sleepaway camp, campers send an average of zero texts per day. Into the space created flows a bunch of old-fashioned human behaviors: eye-to-eye contact, physical affection, spontaneous running and jumping, or simple wandering. Resources/Related Michael Thompson's Website Ep. 10: Homesick & Happy with Michael Thompson Ep. 39: How to Handle Your Camper's Homesickness How to Respond to a Homesick Letter from Your Camper Homesickness Dos & Don'ts 10 Messages for a Homesick Camper Secondary Homesickness: When Your Camper doesn't want to go BACK to Camp

Visit Sunshine Parenting for more resources & episodes. In this episode, Jean Rogers, Director of the Children's Screen Time Action Network, and I talk about children's well-being, ways to maximize your family's screen-free time together, and fun resources for celebrating Screen-Free Week. Jean and I talked about The Social Dilemma (documentary) in Ep. 159 of the podcast. You can listen to that episode here. I joined Jean and Lenore Skenazy on an Action Network Live webinar "Let them make pancakes: Helping kids flourish during a camp-less, COVID-19 summer." About Jean Rogers Jean Rogers is the Director of the Children’s Screen Time Action Network, where she leads a coalition of practitioners, educators, advocates, and parents who collaborate on practical methods to reduce children’s time on screens and digital devices, mitigate the dangers, and preserve childhood in the digital age. Jean is the host of Action Network Live!, a webcast bringing experts to parents on how screens impact all aspects of child development. She writes a weekly blog and speaks widely to parents, teachers and activists, empowering them to implement simple solutions to a complex 21st century parenting challenge. Jean earned Masters’ degrees in Education and Parenting Education at Wheelock College, where she took up the mantel of Susan Linn and Diane Levin, trailblazers in media literacy, play-based learning, and avoiding a commercialized childhood. Prior to working at the Action Network, Jean was a freelance marketing writer, illuminating products and services for nonprofit and business clients. She was also a music teacher, director of a large church school, and a college writing center consultant. Her greatest role is mother to 5 children. Screen Free Week Resources Screen-Free Week is an annual invitation to play, explore, and rediscover the joys of life beyond ad-supported screens. During the first week of May, thousands of families, schools, and communities around the world will put down their entertainment screens for seven days of fun, connection, and discovery. Even though it’s about turning off screens, Screen-Free Week isn’t about going without – it’s about what you can get! An hour once dedicated to YouTube becomes an hour spent outside; ten minutes whiled away on social media turn into ten minutes spent doodling; a movie on a rainy afternoon is replaced by time spent reading, chatting, or playing pretend! You can celebrate Screen-Free Week at home, in your school, in your community, or anywhere – just put down those entertainment screens and do literally anything else! You might be surprised at what you find. About Screen Free Week Resources for Families & Individuals Screen-Free Saturdays Images Related Posts/Episodes Salsa & Sunshine Walk & Talk #7 (Screen-Free Week) 9 Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults Ep. 159: The Social Dilemma with Jean Rogers [Encore] Ep. 116: Why We Need to Unplug to Connect with our Families Ep. 96: Unplugged & Happy at Camp Ep. 35: Unplugging Your Family with Jill Stribling My 24 Hours Unplugged Ep. 17: Unplugged Middle School Lunch with Rebecca Gogel Why We Need to Unplug to Connect with Our Families 5 Reasons to UNPLUG Get Unplugged Ep. 7: Family Pace and Space with Sara Kuljis Raise Thriving Kids Workshop Wait List  

Visit Sunshine Parenting for more resources & episodes. Get on your shoes, hop on your treadmill or go outside, and join summer camp directors, moms, & joy chasers Audrey "Sunshine" Monke & Sara "Salsa" Kuljis as they share updates, resources, ideas and encouragement with each other and with you! In this episode, we're talking about UNPLUGGING & SCREEN-FREE WEEK! Related 9 Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults Ep. 159: The Social Dilemma with Jean Rogers [Encore] Ep. 116: Why We Need to Unplug to Connect with our Families Ep. 96: Unplugged & Happy at Camp Ep. 35: Unplugging Your Family with Jill Stribling My 24 Hours Unplugged Ep. 17: Unplugged Middle School Lunch with Rebecca Gogel Why We Need to Unplug to Connect with Our Families 5 Reasons to UNPLUG Get Unplugged Ep. 7: Family Pace and Space with Sara Kuljis Raise Thriving Kids Workshop Wait List Screen Free Week Resources Screen-Free Week is an annual invitation to play, explore, and rediscover the joys of life beyond ad-supported screens. During the first week of May, thousands of families, schools, and communities around the world will put down their entertainment screens for seven days of fun, connection, and discovery. Even though it’s about turning off screens, Screen-Free Week isn’t about going without – it’s about what you can get! An hour once dedicated to YouTube becomes an hour spent outside; ten minutes whiled away on social media turn into ten minutes spent doodling; a movie on a rainy afternoon is replaced by time spent reading, chatting, or playing pretend! You can celebrate Screen-Free Week at home, in your school, in your community, or anywhere – just put down those entertainment screens and do literally anything else! You might be surprised at what you find. About Screen Free Week Resources for Families & Individuals Screen-Free Saturdays Watch the video of this Walk & Talk on Facebook

Best selling author and amazing human Julie Lythcott-Haims has done it again with her new book, YOUR TURN: How to be an Adult. She offers the guidance, empathy, and sound wisdom young adults need to hear. Listen in on our chat about YOUR TURN in this episode of the podcast. About Julie WRITER. SPEAKER. HUMAN. Julie Lythcott-Haims believes in humans and is deeply interested in what gets in our way. She is the New York Times bestselling author of the anti-helicopter parenting manifesto How to Raise an Adult which gave rise to a TED Talk that has more than 5 million views. Her second book is the critically-acclaimed and award-winning prose poetry memoir Real American, which illustrates her experience as a Black and biracial person in white spaces. A third book, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult, will be out in April 2021. Julie is a former corporate lawyer and Stanford dean, and she holds a BA from Stanford, a JD from Harvard, and an MFA in Writing from California College of the Arts. She serves on the board of Common Sense Media, and on the advisory board of LeanIn.Org, and she is a former board member at Foundation for a College Education, Global Citizen Year, The Writers Grotto, and Challenge Success. She volunteers with the hospital program No One Dies Alone. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her partner of over thirty years, their itinerant young adults, and her mother. Links & Related Julie's website Ep. 170: Adulting with Emma Liberman How Camp Helps Parents Raise Adults Ready for Adulthood Check-List for Kids

Visit Sunshine Parenting for more resources & episodes. Get on your shoes, hop on your treadmill or go outside, and join summer camp directors, moms, & joy chasers Audrey "Sunshine" Monke & Sara "Salsa" Kuljis as they share updates, resources, ideas and encouragement with each other and with you! Watch the video of this Walk & Talk on Facebook

Show Notes Enjoy my conversation with 23-year-old Emma Liberman about her insights from Julie Lythcott-Haims' new book, YOUR TURN: HOW TO BE AN ADULT. I asked Emma to read and review my early copy, and she knocked it out of the park with her insights. Links Julie Lythcott-Haims Website Your Turn: How to Be an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now, Meg Jay, Ph.D. Resources/Related [ENCORE] Ep. 139: Doing Life with Your Adult Children with Jim Burns Ep. 160: Cranky Young Adults Stuck in the COVID Vortex Ready for Adulthood Check-List for Kids 9 Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults Ep. 57: The Importance of Adult Friendships with Sara Kuljis 7 Ways to Help Your Daughter Become a Thriving Adult Three Strategies for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults How Camp Helps Parents Raise Adults

Show Notes The Addiction Inoculation In this supportive, life-saving resource, the New York Times bestselling author of The Gift of Failure helps parents and educators understand the roots of substance abuse and identify who is most at risk for addiction, and offers practical steps for prevention. Jessica Lahey was born into a family with a long history of alcoholism and drug abuse. Despite her desire to thwart her genetic legacy, she became an alcoholic and didn’t find her way out until her early forties. Jessica has worked as a teacher in substance abuse programs for teens, and was determined to inoculate her two adolescent sons against their most dangerous inheritance. All children, regardless of their genetics, are at some risk for substance abuse. According to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, teen drug addiction is the nation’s largest preventable and costly health problem. Despite the existence of proven preventive strategies, nine out of ten adults with substance use disorder report they began drinking and taking drugs before age eighteen. The Addiction Inoculation is a comprehensive resource parents and educators can use to prevent substance abuse in children. Based on research in child welfare, psychology, substance abuse, and developmental neuroscience, this essential guide provides evidence-based strategies and practical tools adults need to understand, support, and educate resilient, addiction-resistant children. The guidelines are age-appropriate and actionable—from navigating a child’s risk for addiction, to interpreting signs of early abuse, to advice for broaching difficult conversations with children. The Addiction Inoculation is an empathetic, accessible resource for anyone who plays a vital role in children’s lives—parents, teachers, coaches, or pediatricians—to help them raise kids who will grow up healthy, happy, and addiction-free. About Jessica Jessica Lahey is a teacher, writer, and mom. Over twenty years, she’s taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools. She writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Atlantic, Vermont Public Radio, The Washington Post and the New York Times and is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. She is a member of the Amazon Studios Thought Leader Board and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids’ The Stinky and Dirty Show. Jessica earned a B.A. in Comparative Literature from the University of Massachusetts and a J.D. with a concentration in juvenile and education law from the University of North Carolina School of Law. She lives in Vermont with her husband and two sons. Her second book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, will be released in April 2021. Resources/Related Ep. 43: The Gift of Failure with Jessica Lahey Ready for Adulthood Check-List for Kids Ep. 112: Helping Teens Exposed to Trauma Ep. 16: Born to be Wild with Dr. Jess P. Shatkin Ep. 100: Teens' Advice for Raising Responsible, Independent Kids

Visit Sunshine Parenting for more resources & episodes. Get on your shoes, hop on your treadmill or go outside, and join summer camp directors, moms, & joy chasers Audrey "Sunshine" Monke & Sara "Salsa" Kuljis as they share updates, resources, ideas and encouragement with each other and with you! Watch the video of this Walk & Talk on Facebook   Related Episodes & Posts Ep. 28: Focusing on Our Kids’ Strengths with Audrey and Sara 4 Ways to Focus on our Kids' Strengths Ep.115: Giving Kids Meaningful Compliments (Sara talks about 3 "Levels of Affirmation") Ep. 57: The Importance of Adult Friendships with Sara Kuljis Presence: My One Word for 2020 Giving Kids Our Full Attention Deep Work: Rules For Focused Success in a Distracted World Links A World Without Email, Cal Newport CDC Updates Operational Strategy for K-12 Schools to Reflect New Evidence on Physical Distance in Classrooms Upside Down Pizza (Tasty) Parenting in Place Masterclass

Visit Sunshine Parenting for more resources & episodes. Get on your shoes, hop on your treadmill or go outside, and join summer camp directors, moms, & joy chasers Audrey "Sunshine" Monke & Sara "Salsa" Kuljis as they share updates, resources, ideas and encouragement with each other and with you! Related Episodes & Posts Ep. 28: Focusing on Our Kids’ Strengths with Audrey and Sara 4 Ways to Focus on our Kids' Strengths Ep.115: Giving Kids Meaningful Compliments (Sara talks about 3 "Levels of Affirmation") Ep. 57: The Importance of Adult Friendships with Sara Kuljis Links Parenting in Place Masterclass

This episode features my conversation with Dr. Michele Borba about her phenomenal, must-read book THRIVERS: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine - 7 Teachable skills of heart, mind, & will that set happy, healthy, high-performing kids apart. Links Dr. Michele Borba's Website Thrivers book info & video series [ENCORE] Ep. 138: Unselfie with Dr. Michele Borba About Dr. Michele Borba Dr. Michele Borba is an educational psychologist, best-selling author, and TODAY show contributor who has spoken to over one million participants on five continents and to countless media about child development issues. She blends 40 years of teaching and consulting experience with latest science to offer sound, realistic advice to parents teachers and child advocates about helping children thrive. Learn more about Michele.  

Visit Sunshine Parenting for more resources & episodes. Get on your shoes, hop on your treadmill or go outside, and join summer camp directors, moms, & joy chasers Audrey "Sunshine" Monke & Sara "Salsa" Kuljis as they share updates, resources, ideas and encouragement with each other and with you! Related Episodes & Posts Ep.115: Giving Kids Meaningful Compliments (Sara talks about 3 "Levels of Affirmation") Presence: My One Word for 2020 Ep. 57: The Importance of Adult Friendships with Sara Kuljis Links Parenting in Place Masterclass Simple Boiled Crab Recipe (Cookpad.com)

Through her psychotherapy practice and her own experience as a divorced mother of three children, Dr. Jenna Flowers knows the importance of prioritizing children's well-being and practicing "conscious coparenting." Her book, The Conscious Parent's Guide to Coparenting: A Mindful Approach to Creating a Collaborative, Positive Parenting Plan, About Dr. Jenna Flowers Dr. Jenna Flowers has her Doctorate in Clinical Psychology and is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Newport Beach, California teaching parenting classes, and seeing individuals, children and couples and is often asked to consult on divorce cases addressing coparenting issues. In 2016, The Conscious Parent's Guide to Coparenting was published by Simon and Schuster. Dr. Jenna is EMDR therapy trained and has studied Attachment Focused EMDR. She has had the privilege of attending consultation groups with interpersonal neurobiology pioneer and author of "Parenting From the Inside Out" Daniel Siegel, MD., Tina Payne Bryson PhD. Dr. Jenna is also the Clinical Director of Mainspring Family Wellness in Newport Beach and is the cohost of The Mainspring Family Wellness Podcast. She is the proud mom to three kids ages 19, 12, and 9. Links Jenna's Website Mainspring Family Wellness Ep. 6: Jenna & Her Ex-husband Erik talk about how they consciously Coparent their three children Mainspring Family Wellness Ep. 13: How Summer Camp Helps Raise Thriving Kids with Audrey Monke & Sara Kuljis The Conscious Parent's Guide to Coparenting: A mindful approach to creating a collaborative, positive parenting plan If you're facing the challenge of raising children in two homes, you may be feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to build a healthy coparenting relationship. With The Conscious Parent's Guide to Coparenting, you'll learn how to take a relationship-centered approach to parenting, foster forgiveness, and find constructive ways to move on when relationships change. Coparenting means putting your child's needs first. And conscious parenting acknowledges a child's thoughts, feelings, and needs, as well as a parent's responsibility to them. This easy-to-use handbook helps you to: Build a coparenting relationship based on mutual respect Lower stress levels for the entire family Communicate openly with children about divorce Discuss and reach parenting decisions together Protect children, meet their needs, and help them build resilience Educate your family and friends about coparenting The concept of ending a marriage peacefully, with compassion and respect for former partners, is often viewed with surprise in modern society. But choosing to consciously coparent is an important choice you can make for yourself and your children--one that will benefit the emotional health of your family for years to come. Resources/Related 9 Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults Ep. 123: Connection Comes First One Simple Thing: Monthly Parenting Challenges for a Happier, More Connected Family

Put on your shoes, hop on your treadmill or go outside, and join Audrey "Sunshine" Monke & Sara "Salsa" Kuljis as they walk and talk, sharing updates, resources, ideas and encouragement with each other and with you! Visit Sunshine Parenting for more resources & episodes.

Show notes & links. Check out Audrey's book, HAPPY CAMPERS. Join my PATREON squad for special perks, including bonus podcast episodes, exclusive posts, and resources.  Subscribe to Sunshine Parenting email updates for free resources and ideas for happier, more connected families. Links The Parent Compass: Navigating Your Teen's Wellness & Academic Journey in Today's Competitive World. website | parentcompassbook.com instagram | @parentcompass facebook | TheParentCompass linkedIn | Cindy Muchnick and Jenn Curtis podcast | Parent Compass on SmartSocial About this episode In this episode, I talk with co-authors Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick, MA and Jenn Curtis, MSW, about their book, The Parent Compass: Navigating Your Teen's Wellness & Academic Journey in Today's Competitive World. Bragging rights and bumper stickers are some of the social forces fueling today’s parenting behavior—and, as a result, even well-intentioned parents are behaving badly. Many parents don’t know how best to support their teens, especially when everyone around them seems to be frantically tutoring, managing, and helicoptering. The Parent Compass provides guidance on what parents’ roles should be in supporting their teens’ mental health as they traverse the maze of the adolescent years. For anyone daunted by the unique challenge of parenting well in this pressure-laden and uncertain era, The Parent Compass offers: • Advice on fostering grit and resilience in your teen • Strategies to help your teen approach life with purpose • Guidance on how to preserve your relationship with your teen while navigating a competitive academic environment • Clear explanations of your appropriate role in the college admission process • Effective ways to approach technology use in your home, and much more! Using The Parent Compass to navigate the adolescent years will help you parent with confidence and intention, allowing you to forge a trusting, positive relationship with your teen. If you enjoyed this episode, you might also enjoy... Ready for Adulthood Check-List for Kids Ep. 79: Thoughts on the College Admissions Scandal Ep. 34: Advice on College, Transferring, and How to Support Your Kids with Their Decisions Ep. 21: Advice for the College Application and Selection Process Conversations before College: WHO you are matters more than WHERE you go About Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick, M.A. Cindy, a graduate of Stanford University, is an expert in the college admission process: she got her start in admission offices before opening a private study skills and college counseling business in Southern California, which she ran for over fifteen years. As an Assistant Director of Admission for the Illinois Institute of Technology and the University of Chicago, she screened and reviewed over three thousand applications, interviewed prospective students, and served on the admission committee to evaluate borderline applicants and appeals cases. Then, as a private counselor, she helped hundreds of high school students navigate their academic journeys, including course selection, study skills, time management, and college applications. Since closing her private educational practice in 2011, Cindy has focused on public speaking to student, parent, school and business groups on a variety of education-related topics. Over the course of her career, Cindy has written numerous books: The Parent Compass is her tenth. Her other titles include The Best College Admission Essays (co-author, ARCO/Peterson’s, 1997), The Everything Guide to Study Skills: Strategies, Tips, and Tools You Need to Succeed in School (F&W Media, 2011), Straight-A Study Skills (co-author, Adam’s Media, 2012), The Everything College Checklist Book (F&W Media, 2013), Writing Successful College Applications: It’s More than Just the Essay (Peterson’s Publishing, 2014), and four other books (Simon & Schuster and Random House). In her her research for these books, she interviewed the Deans of Admission of Amherst, Bates, Bucknell, University of Chicago, Columbia, Duke, Grinnell, New York University, University of Pennsylvania, University of Notre Dame, Occidental, University of Rochester, University of Southern California, Stanford, Vanderbilt, University of Virginia, Wesleyan, Williams and Yale. Cindy holds a bachelor’s degree in Political Science and Art History from Stanford University and a master’s degree in Liberal Studies from Nova Southeastern University. Some of the other twists and turns in her multifaceted career include her stints as a campus tour guide and volunteer student coordinator for Stanford’s Office of Undergraduate Admission, and a tenth grade history teacher at The University School, in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Cindy raised her family in Newport Beach, CA, and moved to Menlo Park, CA, in 2018, where she resides with her husband and four children. For further information, or to inquire about a potential speaking engagement, feel free to visit her website at www.cynthiamuchnick.com. About Jenn Curtis, M.S.W. Jenn Curtis owns FutureWise Consulting, an educational consulting company in Orange County, California. She has guided hundreds of high school students from throughout the United States through all aspects of the college admission process. Her passion lies in empowering students to navigate their high school years with confidence, emphasizing self-advocacy, grit, and intention. Jenn’s interest in mental health and research began while an undergraduate at the University of California-Los Angeles (UCLA), where she worked in a lab studying athletic performance anxiety. After college, at the University of California-Irvine’s Child Development Center, Jenn researched treatments for learning disabilities, co-authored a published study on a novel diagnostic tool for ADHD, and supervised and trained undergraduate researchers. After earning her master’s degree, Jenn worked in psychiatric rehabilitation, assisting clients with severe and persistent mental illness. She also served as the Director of Grant Writing for an international university, was an editorial assistant for a forensic psychology academic journal, has edited several books, and coached graduate and doctoral students in developing effective writing skills. Jenn also developed a college and career readiness program for first-generation students. Jenn earned her bachelor’s degree in psychology from UCLA’s Honors College and master’s degree in social work from the University of Southern California, where she was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi Honor Society and selected as Dean's Scholar. Jenn earned her College Counseling Certificate from UCLA. She resides in San Clemente, California with her husband and two daughters.

Dr. Tina Bryson and I talk about her phenomenal book, The Power of Showing Up.

Show Notes If you enjoy learning from Sara and me, consider bringing our Raise Thriving Kids live workshop to your community or participating in our online course. Join my PATREON squad for special perks, including bonus podcast episodes, exclusive posts, and resources.  Subscribe for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.  This is an encore presentation of one of my favorite episodes. Enjoy! This episode is a live recording of my chat with Sara Kuljis about some of our favorite year-end reflection activities. Joining Sara and me for this episode is Kate Rader, one of the participants from our Raise Thriving Kids Workshop. Kate is a stay-at-home mom to 3 adventure-seeking and fun-loving kiddos, Lauren and Caroline, identical twins who are 13 and Jack, age 10, wife to her college sweetheart Jeff and curious lover of books, podcasts, and conversations about intentional parenting and living. Here's what Kate had to say about our workshop: "It was just so wonderful to be in a room with people who care enough to be intentional about the choices they're making for their families and what they want for their families because it's a work in progress--and we're all working together." Big Ideas In addition to parenting books, podcasts, and coaching, workshops are a great resource for parents. Just as most people need continual training and education in their careers, parents can also take the time to learn and connect with others in order to feel invigorated. It is helpful to share what is working and to discuss best practices for strengthening family bonds. We talk a lot about the importance of self-care and modeling a balanced life for our kids. Today we discuss the ideas I shared in my recent post, 5 Simple Year-End Reflections: Create a Reverse Bucket List. Look back over your life and make a list of the cool things you've already done. 100 Family Memories Brainstorm and make a list of what happened in your family this year. Pick a Quote of the Year Find a quote that resonates with you, or something motivational, looking back or looking ahead, a quote you want to live by. Select One Word that you want to guide you in the new year Be authentic and make it a word that is uniquely yours. Remember your Favorite Books or resources from the past year Take time to let the new things that you have learned (in books, podcasts, workshops) to percolate and apply the concepts or practices to your life. Pick one or two of these ideas that resonate with you. You can do an activity on your own or engage the whole family. Make the delivery of the idea fun and light. Allow people to be silly. Getting the family together over the holidays, expressing gratitude, and setting intentions together are my favorite ways to bring in the new year. Quotes Sara: "Sometimes parenting intentionally feels counter-cultural. When we're swimming upstream, to have fishies to swim with is so confidence building. It's reassuring, it's empowering. I've loved all the parents we have gotten to work with through this project because it has fueled me." Kate: "The regular accountability is equally as important to me as the one-day workshop. Whether it's via podcasts, recorded conversations, or live conversations, getting together at Starbucks, or whatever it might be, that's really beneficial in maintaining the kind of wonderful feelings that we got coming out of the workshop." Kate: "If we're going to develop a true family culture, we need to be intentional about spending time together as a family. And that time is harder and harder to come by." Kate: "Just being together, away, experiencing some new adventures has been a neat way for us to firm up our family culture and values and make memories together. That's been a key take away for me." Kate: "It's not about those grand gestures. It's about the thoughtful, meaningful moments where people take the time to appreciate their relationships." Audrey: "Even if you're not a person who gives affirmations, I really don't think there's a person in this world who wouldn't mind getting a nice note saying something that someone likes about them." Audrey: "Sometimes parents start thinking that their relationship with their child is supposed to be like a normal, reciprocal relationship. Expecting that you pour into this child and they're going to pour back to you, is not how parenting works. However, I'm seeing that once they're adults you may get more of the reciprocity than when they were kids. I get very filled up now by my adult children when they give me affirmations or send me a nice message--it's really great." Audrey: "You keep encouraging, even if you don't think it means something because I think it really is landing somewhere." Audrey: "Another activity could be taking a year's worth of fun texts, cards, and nice messages and putting them somewhere like in a scrapbook just as a great boost." Sara: "I love the idea of sitting down with the whole family and saying, 'let's look way back' because there is a chance that something that I didn't consider very bucket-y might have been really significant to my kids. I think it will remind us that it has been a rich life of experiences." Audrey: "I would challenge you to focus on yourself for your own reverse bucket list. Sometimes it's good to just think about for your own self-awareness and self-worth and knowing that you're enough just the way you are. I would suggest that the bucket list idea is more of a personal thing because it is recognizing the goals you've already achieved and the cool things that you've done, whereas the 100 Family Memories would be the things you're grateful for." Audrey: "The goal is to try to remember (as many as) 100 things so you get down to some of the minutiae and those are some of the funny, random, individual things that happened. It's been a really fun practice." Kate: "I think when you allow each family member to share their treasured memories from the year, it gives us insight into their personalities and their level of value and priorities, as well." Audrey: "I like spending time at the end of the year, really thinking through what my one word is, thinking about what was good this year and what is it that I want to take into the new year and feel more of, or do more of--I love the process." Audrey: "Determine the kind of person you want to be in the next year. Identify the characteristics of that best self. When you're being your best self, what does that look like? It has guided me a lot because once I pick a word, I then seek out resources and ideas to help me live that word better." Kate: "It's a neat way to put the focus on how you're going to spend your time, your energy, your reading, and research--all that good stuff. When it is meaningful, it really does carry you through the year and it gives purpose to how you're spending your time." Audrey: "It really hit me that my best contribution to my family, to the world, comes when I focus and take the time to do some research, reading, writing, thoughtful time, which is not a normal part of life anymore. You have to actually build in focus." Audrey: "There are so many new ideas and things you can do, but to really move the needle, all you need to do is just one. I am challenging myself this year to slow down on the consumption of new information and instead get out the books I've read, look at my highlights and just recap." Related Posts & Podcasts 5 Simple Year-End Reflection Activities Learning to Enjoy the Little Things 100 Family Memories #oneword My One Word for 2019: Focus 15 Books for a Happier, More Purposeful Life Stop & Celebrate Ep. 68 12 Parenting Tips for Happier, More Connected Families Ep. 105 Live Above the Noise with Rob Reiher Resources Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living by Shauna Niequist How to Raise An Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp Finding Fred Podcast  

SHOW NOTES Join my PATREON squad for special perks, including bonus podcast episodes, exclusive posts, and resources.  Subscribe for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families. Kindness is a character trait we value highly in our friends, family members, and co-workers, and yet our kids may not know how much we want them to be kind, considerate, contributing members of their community. For World Kindness Day (November 13 - the day this episode is being released), I'm doing a deep dive into simple ideas for raising kinder kids and creating a kinder world. Let's focus on kindness, not just today but every day. BIG IDEAS 80% of the youth surveyed agreed with the statement, “My parents are prouder if I get good grades in my classes then if I'm a caring community member in class and school." We need to focus on raising kinder humans. Giving a compliment is a really simple way to spread kindness and also to show our kids a really, really important social skill. "Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree." It is really important that we have a growth mindset about the character trait of kindness and realize that it is a trait that we can cultivate in ourselves and in our children. Something that we can control is ourselves and how we interact with and show kindness to other people. LINKS & RESOURCES Random Acts of Kindness - World Kindness Day QUOTES "Take a few minutes to write uplifting, positive encouraging messages in a sticky note pad, then start leaving those messages around, whether it's in your own house, at a neighbor's house, on people's mailboxes, on windshields. You can leave these uplifting positive messages around as a simple and fun act of kindness." "Camp Secret #8 in my book, Happy Campers is, Make it Cool to be Kind. In the chapter, I talk about the importance of us focusing, in our families, in our schools, in our camps, everywhere, on creating a culture where kindness is embraced and encouraged." "Set an alarm to go off three times, when the alarm sounds stop what you're doing and call, text, or email someone simply to tell them how awesome they are." "Compliment the first three people you talk to." "Another act of Kindness that is something that kids can do is to write a handwritten note to their teacher." "Just saying good morning to the people in your family or the people at work when you're in a meeting is so important." "A really good way to do a family activity of kindness is to pick up some trash. Even if you just spend 10 minutes picking up some trash around your neighborhood." "Leave encouraging notes around." "Spend 24 hours or dedicate 24 hours to spreading positivity on social media." "Giving an extra generous tip to a service worker is another way to do an act of kindness." "Send flowers to a friend and I would just expand this that you can also just send a note to a friend." "Really anything that you send or give that just shows someone that you're thinking about them is such an act of kindness and really can brighten their day and yours." "Get your kids to focus a little bit more on kindnesses that they have seen others do by asking them to point out kind acts that they have witnessed or done themselves." "It's also a great idea to talk with your kids about how they feel after someone has done something kind for them or after they've done something kind for another person." "How do you want to be remembered by your classmates and friends?" ONE SIMPLE THING From pages 189-190 in Happy Campers (Camp Secret #8: Make it Cool to be Kind): RELATED POSTS & EPISODES Ep. 46: #CampKindnessDay with Tom Rosenberg Ep. 138: Unselfie with Dr. Michele Borba Ep. 114: Precursors to Gratitude How to Respond to Bad Behavior 30 Days of Kindness Is Kindness the Secret to a Successful Life? Ep. 46: #CampKindnessDay with Tom Rosenberg Why my Family is Celebrating World Kindness Day Focusing on Kindness

SHOW NOTES Raise Thriving Kids  Join my PATREON squad for special perks, including bonus podcast episodes, exclusive posts, and resources!  Subscribe for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.  In Episode 164, I’m chatting with my friend Sara Kuljis of Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp and Emerald Cove Day Camp. We talk about family gratitude practices and lessons from camp for having more grateful families. At Thanksgiving, it's easy to remember to be grateful, but the habit of gratitude -- practiced at camp, at home, and in the world -- helps us to be happier all year long. BIG IDEAS Gratitude is a muscle. We can build it with practice. Research has shown that those who express gratitude daily have a more optimistic view of life and a healthier well-being. Developing relationships with the people around us makes it easier to share authentic gratitude. Model respect by thanking others, especially those who serve us. Use their first names when possible. Make eye contact Ways to show gratitude at camp or at home  Flower Sunday -- the practice of handing a daisy while sharing an affirmation or gratitude with another person. You give your flower away and receive a flower from someone who acknowledges an action or quality they appreciate. Using a token such as a flower makes a difference. WOW Bulletin Board -- staff and campers send and receive notes to build each other up and express thanks. Thankful Thursday -- a note, text message or phone call to someone expressing thanks can become a helpful habit. 3 Good Things -- share three good things that happened at the end of each day. Commit to sharing them with friend or family member via text. It helps with accountability and makes it easier to remember. Go around the dinner table and share with your family or friends. Write them down in a journal before bed, or share three things you are thankful for first thing in the morning. This habit can not only strengthen your gratitude muscle but also deepen your relationships and improve your outlook on life. Gratitude Jar -- keep slips of paper for family write down things they are grateful for and collect the scraps in a jar. Share the memories collected over the year at New Year's Eve or at Thanksgiving or anytime. Attach the messages to a bulletin board or even to the Christmas Tree! Warm Fuzzies -- Take a sheet of paper for each person, write their name on it and pass it around. Have everyone write down what they appreciate about that person. Be specific. It is nice to recognize precise actions or character strengths we appreciate in others. Go around the table at mealtime and share 3 good things, something you are grateful for (besides friends and family) or something you are grateful for about yourself Ask children to think of ways they would like to show gratitude for others. Children have really good ideas themselves. QUOTES Audrey: "We cannot raise grateful kids if we are not promoting our own gratitude." Audrey: "It's important to remember that it's not just about completing a task, like sending a text or writing in your journal. It's about taking the moment to feel thankful. We need to take the task out of it and feel the gratitude." Sara: "At the end of the day being grateful makes me kinder and softer to those around me." Sara: "There's a lot of not-feeling-good-enough in the world. I enjoy helping people identify their natural talents and the natural goodness that is built in them and being intentional about building those into strengths for making a positive impact in the world." More Gratitude Resources and Ideas My Pinterest "Gratitude Board" 5 Ways to Avert Thanksgiving Disappointment Raising Grateful, Not Entitled Kids A Grateful Family is a Happy Family Gratitude Revisited Feeling Thankful 3 Reasons to Give Your Kid a WOW Today Grateful Campers are Happy Campers Learning to Enjoy the Little Things Teaching Kids Gratitude Rather than Entitlement: Berkeley News/Christine CarterGiving Thanks can Make you Happy, Harvard Health The Science of Gratitude: More Benefits Than Expected; 26 Studies and Counting, Happier Human.com 7 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Gratitude That Will Motivate You To Give Thanks Year-Round, Forbes 30 Days of Gratitude, Writeshop.com Kind over Matter Why Gratitude is Important One Simple Thing TAKE A THANK YOU WALK (Jon Gordon) "It’s simple. It’s powerful and it’s a great way to start feeding the positive dog. How does it work? You simply take a walk... outside, in a mall, at your office, on a treadmill, etc and while walking you think about all the things, big and small, that you are grateful for. The research shows you can’t be stressed and thankful at the same time so when you combine gratitude with physical exercise, you give yourself a double boost of positive energy. You flood your brain and body with positive emotions and natural anti-depressants that uplift you rather than the stress hormones that drain and slowly kill you." -Jon Gordon My Favorite One recent December, at age 53, John Kralik found his life at a terrible, frightening low: his small law firm was failing; he was struggling through a painful second divorce; he had grown distant from his two older children and was afraid he might lose contact with his young daughter; he was living in a tiny apartment where he froze in the winter and baked in the summer; he was 40 pounds overweight; his girlfriend had just broken up with him; and overall, his dearest life dreams--including hopes of upholding idealistic legal principles and of becoming a judge--seemed to have slipped beyond his reach. Then, during a desperate walk in the hills on New Year's Day, John was struck by the belief that his life might become at least tolerable if, instead of focusing on what he didn't have, he could find some way to be grateful for what he had. Inspired by a beautiful, simple note his ex-girlfriend had sent to thank him for his Christmas gift, John imagined that he might find a way to feel grateful by writing thank-you notes. To keep himself going, he set himself a goal--come what may--of writing 365 thank-you notes in the coming year. One by one, day after day, he began to handwrite thank yous--for gifts or kindnesses he'd received from loved ones and coworkers, from past business associates and current foes, from college friends and doctors and store clerks and handymen and neighbors, and anyone, really, absolutely anyone, who'd done him a good turn, however large or small. Immediately after he'd sent his very first notes, significant and surprising benefits began to come John's way--from financial gain to true friendship, from weight loss to inner peace. While John wrote his notes, the economy collapsed, the bank across the street from his office failed, but thank-you note by thank-you note, John's whole life turned around. 365 Thank Yous is a rare memoir: its touching, immediately accessible message--and benefits--come to readers from the plainspoken storytelling of an ordinary man. Kralik sets a believable, doable example of how to live a miraculously good life. To read 365 Thank Yous is to be changed. Like listening to Audrey and Sara? Here are more of our episodes: Ep. 114: Precursors to Gratitude Ep.115: Giving Kids Meaningful Compliments Ep. 132: Creating Structure, Fun, & Connection Ep. 160: Cranky Young Adults Stuck in the COVID Vortex Ep. 153: Rethinking School & Education During the Pandemic Ep. 152: Putting on Your COVID Mask First Ep. 57: The Importance of Adult Friendships Ep. 28: Focusing on Our Kids' Strengths Ep. 23: Peaceful Mornings Ep. 15: Traits of Parents Who are Great to Work With Ep. 7: Family Pace & Space Ep. 3: Raising Resilient, Independent Kids

SHOW NOTES Join the Sunshine Parenting PATREON squad for special perks, including bonus podcast episodes, exclusive posts, and resources! This month's Patreon resource: 31 Simple Things: 31 of my favorite tips for happier, more connected families. Join Audrey's email subscriber community for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.  Wondering what to do about your personal - and our world's - current struggles? Niki Spears has practical strategies for finding the opportunities within our struggles. Niki is a former school principal who now works as an educator and change leader. She shares her passion and enthusiasm for creating positive school culture based on shared leadership. Niki is leading the charge to develop positive schools by sharing the importance of embracing a leadership mindset. Niki Spears is the co-founder of the Energy Bus for Schools Leadership Journey. She started this organization to bring the positive messages of Jon Gordon’s book, The Energy Bus, to schools everywhere. Niki has spent over 15 years working in education. Once an elementary school principal, she now works full time as a teacher educator and change leader. The Beauty Underneath the Struggle: Creating Your Bus Story Book Description Life if full of struggles and challenges. Are you ready to use these moments as opportunities to grow? Join Niki and learn how to find the beauty hidden beneath. Often the darkest moments in life are the ones that motivate us to move out of victimhood and walk into our purpose. Beneath the personal struggle lies a chance to discover meaning and bliss. It’s a matter of knowing how to transform challenges into impassioned change. On this journey to self-enlightenment, motivational speaker and author Niki Spears shares strategies to help you embrace struggles and recognize them as opportunities for self-discovery. Personal stories and testimonials from people like you, will motivate and inspire you to see struggles in a new way. The workbook feature will help you apply these techniques to your life right away, and by using the step-by-step guide, you can capture your own unique BUS story as you find the Beauty Underneath the Struggle. Struggles and challenges don’t have to be negative components of life. Join Niki on this journey to help you write the next chapter as you transform the meaning of struggle to create your masterpiece. BIG IDEAS • We can view our struggles and challenges as opportunities to move into our purpose. • We each have a different lens through which we view our life stories, and changing the lens can change our life outcomes for the better. • Challenges and setbacks may be caused by other people or events in our past, but we can choose to stop spending our timing blaming and take responsibility for creating our positive future. • In the most challenging of circumstances (like this pandemic), we can improve our own lives by helping others. LINKS & RESOURCES • Connect with Niki and find out more about her work at nikispears.com. • The Map of Consciousness Explained by Dr. David R. Hawkins • The Success Principles  by Jack Canfield QUOTES Niki: "What I explore in the book is talking about our perceptions, and rewriting some of those negative perceptions, our stories that we tell ourselves." Niki: "When I was a little girl, I grew up in a family where I didn't always feel valued and appreciated. And that story I was telling myself was really controlling everything that was happening to me in my adult life. I was blaming my parents. I was blaming my upbringing, and it was keeping me stuck." Niki: It's like I woke up and I said, 'You are going to have to start owning everything in your life.' If you continue to blame, you're giving the situation, you're giving the person, power over your happiness and your ability to create the life that you want. Once I started to take personal responsibility, everything around me started to change." Niki: "I want to teach people how empowering it is just to own your life experiences and embrace the struggle." Niki: "You create your world. So that could be a positive world based on your perceptions of what's going on, or it could be a negative experience." Audrey: "It's a really challenging time. And a lot of people are feeling very negative about their lives, about our country, about everything." Niki: "I want you to look at struggle in a new way, as an opportunity that's going to propel you to move into purpose. Because struggle is not a negative term at all. If we look at struggle, and we break it down, struggle is a verb that says that we're still moving in the face of adversity." Niki: "We have to look at things that are happening around us as an opportunity for us to showcase our best selves." Niki: "In these moments of challenges, there are great opportunities for us to show up and to show out. And so that's what I want to encourage everybody to do. Instead of looking through a negative lens, look and see, where can you help?" Niki: "We cannot compare ourselves to someone else. Our journey is totally our journey." Niki: "And so it's not necessarily always something that you do, but just to contribute a positive self, to smile, to say hello, to write a nice letter to someone, those are, those may be small things, but they serve in a big way. So even recognizing the people who are doing the big things and just being their cheerleader could be part of what you do in your story." Niki: "I think you need to look at what are some things in your life that you're unhappy with right now, think about those. Be honest with yourself, be willing to go there with yourself, be vulnerable. What are those things in your life that don't bring you the love, peace and joy that you want? Then ask yourself, who's responsible. And if you're holding someone else responsible, or you're holding some event responsible, I want you to cross it out and put "me." You put yourself there and you have to practice that." Niki: "You've taken ownership. You're no longer blaming your parents, blaming your bosses, your friends, or COVID. But now you understand that even though these things may not be your fault, it is your responsibility to do something about it." Audrey: "Even in families, it's like, you know, the conflicts are happening and people have misunderstandings over sometimes silly things because we're spending so much time together. So it's just being able to, again, just take that pencil and just say, wait, I can still be calm. I can still be loving. And I don't have to like take in something that someone saying perhaps out of anger or whatever it might be." Niki: "And I think that in this moment now that we're so divided, that it gives us the opportunity to kind of test ourselves in that area where we can listen to different points of views without feeling angry, and all these other emotions that can come into it, but just listen, and let it flow through, but don't let it impact, you know, your mood and how you feel and, and those kinds of things." Audrey: "I really hope other people will pick up your book or hear your words and really find the beauty underneath their struggles. Because as you've inspired us, there is always something to be learned or to be gained, to come out the other side stronger, more resilient, even with the worst of stuff." IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE, YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE... Ep. 125: Transforming Schools with Positivity Ep. 108: Simple Acts of Giving Back with Natalie Silverstein 9 Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults The Power of Compliments ONE SIMPLE THING Pick a 30-Day Challenge to do for the next 30 days (or a designated month) Pick something that, if you do for 30 days consistently, will improve your well-being or move you closer (small step by small step) to a goal you have. It can be anything! Ideas include something creative, intellectual, relational, spiritual, or health-related. Some tips: Be realistic - make sure it won't take you more than 5-10 minutes max to do or it's likely that you won't get it done (especially as you're building the habit). Pick something enjoyable, that you've been wanting to do but just haven't fit in to your daily routine yet. Here are some ideas: Read for a certain amount of time or a certain number of pages, every day for 30 days. Call or text a friend every day for 30 days. Walk a minimum number of steps every day for 30 days (use a fitness app to keep track). Drink a minimum amount of water every day for 30 days. Practice some kind of mindfulness for 5 minutes every day - can be staring out a window, meditating, listening to music, or using a meditation app (like Calm or Headspace). Work on a creative project for 10 minutes every day - drawing, sewing, woodwork, painting, needle work, baking, etc. Write down 3 things you're grateful for every day. Use cash only for 30 days. Do one Random Act of Kindness per day for 30 daysSome popular, challenging 30-Day Challenges: NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writers Month Whole 30 MY FAVORITE The Pomodoro Technique The Pomodoro Technique helps you resist all of those self-interruptions and re-train your brains to focus. Each pomodoro is dedicated to one task and each break is a chance to reset and bring your attention back to what you should be working on. The core process of the Pomodoro Technique consists of 6 steps: Choose a task you'd like to get done. Set the Pomodoro (timer) for 25 minutes. Work on the task until the Pomodoro rings. When the Pomodoro rings, put a checkmark on a paper. Take a short break. Every 4 pomodoros, take a longer break. SUBSCRIBE TO SUNSHINE PARENTING THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode and know of others who would be encouraged by the ideas we talked about, please share! Would you consider leaving a review for the Sunshine Parenting Podcast on iTunes? Reviews are very important for helping podcasts find their audiences, and I would love your support in helping people find Sunshine Parenting! Would you like access to bonus podcast episodes & resources? Join my squad on Patreon! Here's to raising a generation of kids who become thriving adults AND modeling for our kids what thriving adulthood looks like!

SHOW NOTES Join the Sunshine Parenting PATREON squad for special perks, including bonus podcast episodes, exclusive posts, and resources! This month's Patreon resource: 31 Simple Things: 31 of my favorite tips for happier, more connected families. Join Audrey's email subscriber community for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.  Frustrated with your kids' (or your partner's) behavior? Dr. Catherine Pearlman discovered, over her many years of coaching parents, that often the best way to curb an undesired behavior is to give it less attention. In this episode, I talk with Catherine, who is the founder of The Family Coach and author of Ignore It! How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction, about the helpful strategies Catherine has shared with countless parents in her columns, speaking, and coaching practice. In Ignore It, Pearlman outlines the occasions when ignoring behavior is appropriate, how to reengage when the behavior stops, and how to praise and reinforce desired behaviors. I was, of course, happy to hear that Pearlman also has vast summer camp experience as a camper, counselor, and director! IGNORE IT! Book Description This book teaches frustrated, stressed-out parents that selectively ignoring certain behaviors can actually inspire positive changes in their kids. With all the whining, complaining, begging, and negotiating, parenting can seem more like a chore than a pleasure. Dr. Catherine Pearlman, syndicated columnist and one of America’s leading parenting experts, has a simple yet revolutionary solution: Ignore It! Dr. Pearlman’s four-step process returns the joy to child rearing. Combining highly effective strategies with time-tested approaches, she teaches parents when to selectively look the other way to withdraw reinforcement for undesirable behaviors. Too often we find ourselves bargaining, debating, arguing and pleading with kids. Instead of improved behavior parents are ensuring that the behavior will not only continue but often get worse. When children receive no attention or reward for misbehavior, they realize their ways of acting are ineffective and cease doing it. Using proven strategies supported by research, this book shows parents how to: – Avoid engaging in a power struggle – Stop using attention as a reward for misbehavior – Use effective behavior modification techniques to diminish and often eliminate problem behaviors As Pearlman says, the book is for parents of kids from 2-21, but the techniques might also be useful in other settings, including with adults who have difficult behaviors! BIG IDEAS • Pay more attention to what our kids are doing right than what they're doing wrong. • Know when to ask for help is a parenting strength. • Ignore bad behavior to make your parenting more enjoyable. • Ignore (and don't comment on) certain behaviors to improve the parent-child relationship, especially with teens. • Sleep is crucial for our kids (and for us) and impacts mood and behavior. LINKS & RESOURCES • Where to connect with Catherine and find out more about her work: The Family Coach Website Facebook Instagram • Ignore It! How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction.  QUOTES • Audrey: "I didn't think it would be as applicable in my own life. Since my youngest kids are now 13 and 16, but I found it really applicable." • Catherine: "It's not how it looks on Facebook. Everybody really is going through something. They just don't talk about it, but I see it. So I know that everybody's going through stuff." • Catherine: "When our kids start whining or complaining or arguing with us after we've already said no, and we've explained why, then we ignore their behavior and as soon as they stop, we reengage with them. It's very simple." • Audrey: "Once you know what you do want them to be doing, you can reinforce that and really get it to happen more often." • Catherine: "I think it's nice in my adult life when I do something nice for someone and they say, 'thank you.' It's nice when I do a great job at work and my boss says, "Wow, you did a really great job." All of those things help motivate me to continue to do a good job so if we're realistic, we all need that." • Catherine: "What happens is when parents aren't on the same page, kids use it to their advantage always. They know exactly how to work the system, how to get mom and dad against each other and to basically get what they want or to get forgotten about while mom and dad are arguing over the little thing." • Catherine: "Kids are really chronically overtired and that can account for a lot of mood issues. It can account for academic performance, depression, lots of issues for kids, just not getting an extra hour or two of sleep." • Catherine: "There's nothing my kid can say that will let me have them keep their devices in their room because I know exactly what's happening on them and nothing good is happening at 3:00 AM on their phones." • Catherine: “I live for camp. I was a camper. I was a counselor. I was a camp social worker and a Camp Director. I love camp. I send my kids to camp. I'm a big believer in the wide variety of benefits for camp.” IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE, YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE... Raise Thriving Kids Parenting Course Ep. 97: Parenting the Challenging Child Ep. 95: Raising a Yes Brain Child with Tina Payne Bryson Catch Them Doing the Right Thing Focus on the "Do"s ONE SIMPLE THING "Try to live every day as if it was the final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life." -Tim (main character in About Time) Learning to Enjoy the Little Things A Grateful Family is a Happy Family: 5 Gratitude Practices MY FAVORITE How much sleep do we really need? sleepfoundation.org SUBSCRIBE TO SUNSHINE PARENTING THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode and know of others who would be encouraged by the ideas we talked about, please share! Would you consider leaving a review for the Sunshine Parenting Podcast on iTunes? Reviews are very important for helping podcasts find their audiences, and I would love your support in helping people find Sunshine Parenting! Would you like access to bonus podcast episodes & resources? Join my squad on Patreon! Audrey

Join the Sunshine Parenting PATREON squad for bonus perks, including bonus podcast episodes and exclusive posts and resources! Join Audrey's email subscriber community for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.  This week on the podcast, hear directly from my kids about their thoughts about my parenting. My guests are my oldest and youngest kids, Gretchen (age 26) and Owen (age 17). They happen to be the only two of our kids at home with us during quarantine. We talk about life at home together during COVID, how my parenting has changed over the years, and their thoughts on rules, fairness, screen time, early bed times, siblings getting along, independence, and much more. BIG IDEAS • Parenting can get more "relaxed" over the years so that sometimes kids in different birth order positions have some different experiences. • Understanding different family member's personalities can help you better understand areas where there are repeated arguments and learn how to better respond to each other. • The oldest child often feels the burden of doing everything first and not having anyone to "follow." • Sleep is so important! • Seek support and advice from parents with kids your oldest child's age so that you can better understand and relate to what they're going through. Photo Gallery LINKS & RESOURCES • Ep. 135: Advice & Ideas from Teachers During COVID-19 • Ep. 82: Sibling Conflict, Part 1 • Ep. 86: Conflict Resolution Skills for Siblings (and Everyone Else!) • Ep. 104: Know and Love Yourself AND Your Kids with Meredith Monke • Ep. 34: Advice on College, Transferring, and How to Support Your Kids with Their Decisions with Charlotte Monke • Ep. 139: Doing Life with Your Adult Children with Jim Burns • Raise Thriving Kids QUOTES • Audrey: "I actually went to boarding school for high school and I really credit that experience with why I even ended up wanting to run a camp." • Gretchen: "I remember when I was 13, almost every PG 13 movie I watched was researched beforehand if I was going to go to the movies with friends, I felt like there was more investment in what I was going to see." • Gretchen: "Even when I did have a phone, I remember truly keeping it off all day at school, all through high school and middle school, unless I needed to contact anyone. But because it wasn't a smartphone, it was purely for communication." • Owen: "I remember the big thing was probably limiting screen time on the computer. When I would come home from school, it would just turn off after 30 minutes." • Owen: "Video games, I think for a while I had my video games screened before I could buy them." • Audrey: "One of the things all parents really want is for their kids is to at least eventually get along." • Gretchen: "Historically, it's like a ton of teasing, which fortunately I've turned out fine." • Owen: "There's a lot of advantages. I think there's, what I just feel like, there are a lot less rules." • Audrey: "Do you think there might be a correlation between being more responsible and mature and independent because you had these older siblings?" • Gretchen: "I feel like because you're just dragged around in the car so much. I feel like you do need to be a more flexible person when you're younger." • Audrey: "Well, you guys both know how important sleep is, right? If there's anything I've taught you in life, don't you feel better with a good night's sleep?" • Gretchen: "The positives would for sure be reading every night and consistent family dinners, at least for some days of the week, depending on what works for people." • Gretchen: "And for sure bedtimes too, at least when people are younger, I can't think of a major parenting fail." • Audrey: "It tends to be a firstborn thing, I think, although not, I'm sure it's not always, but really trying to set a really high standard." • Owen: "We stay connected. It's just I'd rather be at school." • Gretchen: "It's been awesome. I think as someone who lived very independently for seven or eight years, I was very surprised by how much I love being home. And I love having this time with my parents and my brother. It's just such a unique opportunity that oftentimes you don't get in the middle of your twenties, to have family time again. So I'm definitely appreciating it and not planning on leaving anytime soon." • Audrey: "Selfishly, I'm really enjoying it too, but mostly I feel bad for Owen because I know it's not as enjoyable for him." • Owen: "It's not terrible." • Audrey: "'It's not terrible.' By the way, that's like the highest form of a compliment from a 17-year-old." IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE, YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE... Raise Thriving Kids Parenting Course Ep. 139: Doing Life with Your Adult Children with Jim Burns Ready for Adulthood Check-List for Kids Who's Not Ready for College? ONE SIMPLE THING This week's One Simple Thing tip is to set short term, one-week goals rather than lofty, year-long ones. MY FAVORITE Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live, Too, Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish SUBSCRIBE TO SUNSHINE PARENTING THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode and know of others who would be encouraged by the ideas we talked about, please share! Would you consider leaving a review for the Sunshine Parenting Podcast on iTunes? Reviews are very important for helping podcasts find their audiences, and I would love your support in helping people find Sunshine Parenting! Would you like access to bonus podcast episodes & resources? Join my squad on Patreon! Audrey

Check out Sara & Audrey's Raise Thriving Kids Course! Join the Sunshine Parenting PATREON squad for bonus perks, including bonus podcast episodes and exclusive posts and resources! Join Audrey's email subscriber community for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.  This week on the podcast, Sara Kuljis and I talk about the challenges of having young adults (high school and college age) stuck at home during a season of their lives when they are most wanting to separate from us and be with their peers. In this episode, we talk about how to better understand and cope with our young adult children's behavior, especially during COVID. ABOUT SARA KULJIS Sara is a good friend, fellow camp professional, and a regular podcast guest on Sunshine Parenting. Sara is the mother of three young adults (two college students and one high schooler) and a Gallup Strengths Coach. She is the owner and director of Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp and Emerald Cove Day Camp. Sara offers popular parenting workshops in Southern California, including one we do together (Raise Thriving Kids). BIG IDEAS • COVID has in many ways, robbed young adults of the opportunity to really lean into where they naturally are in their developmental stages. • Parents can help honor losses. I think it's important to name, What makes me sad? What makes me frustrated? Why do I feel angry? And not all young people know how to identify where those feelings are coming from. • Feeling the loss with them, holding it with them or telling them that it's okay to feel yucky about those things. I think that's a really important role that a parent can play, hold losses without judgment. I think it's also important that we need to acknowledge our own losses, • This COVID season might be a season for some of us to be thoughtful and to kind of step back and look under the waters, even reach out for some professional help if necessary. • We as parents, for some of us, we may need to let go of some of the smaller battles or the smaller concerns. It's not about the GPA perhaps this semester or this year. It might be more important to focus on a healthy relationship and how to manage stress and how to be supportive. LINKS & RESOURCES • Ep. 139: Doing Life with Your Adult Children with Jim Burns • Jim Burns "Doing life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out" • Raise Thriving Kids QUOTES • Sarah: "You know, for some young adults, older teens, and college students, COVID has ended up being kind of a gift for them." • Audrey: "Knowing that this is not something that as an adult, we can say, ‘Oh well, I didn't get to go on this vacation this year, but we can go in a couple of years so we can get it back.’ For these kids and that age, they won't get it back. So that's sad. That's a real loss that is hard to even fathom because we didn't go through this at their age." • Audrey: "I think that's one thing that we need to remember through all this, even though their behavior and their response might irritate us, I think really digging deep to that empathy of realizing how different it is for them going through this then it is for us as adults." • Sarah: "I really felt compelled to kind of remind myself of the developmental stages that these young adults are in and go back to the root. Why and how is this young adult needing to behave this way? Where's this coming from? And it's great to realize and to remember that the developmental stages that these young adults are in are times where they are searching and ready and wired for autonomy and self-reliance and some new independence." • Audrey: "I've talked about this a lot with parents is that you have these children and you nurture them and you raise them and really your goal is to make yourself not necessary. Which is a weird job. Have a job where the end goal is to not be needed anymore." • Audrey: "We need to recognize that we have some ambivalence about our kids growing up and becoming their own people." • Audrey: "I think that's on both sides, we have to really do some adjusting and thinking about how this is impacting us and our families." • Sarah: "As best as we can remember not to take their crankiness, their uncooperativeness, their irritability, maybe their silence, or their anger personally." • Audrey: "It's really the same kind of communication stuff that we need to be doing all the time with our kids regardless of their age. That whole validating things, sometimes parents get it wrong. Where if our child is sad about something, even if it seems unimportant to us, we need to validate the feeling and not undermine what they're going through." • Audrey: "If we want our kids to keep talking to us about things we can't diminish what's important to them, which is maybe different than what's important to us." • Audrey: "That's what I think a lot of times we do that as people, whether it's with our children or another relationships, we react to what was said or the eye roll or whatever it is. And then we've missed that opportunity to connect over something much more important." • Sarah: "As parents, we start as caregivers and then they get a little older and then where their coach and then we move into that consultant stage." • Sarah: " To sum up everything, this is messy. But with thoughtfulness and with a real partnership with our young adults, I think we can be okay." • Audrey: "Many adults are going through hard things right now. So I think we can also model for our kids in terms of if we need some counseling or some support to show them that it's okay to do that. And that lots of people are doing it right now." • Audrey: "So I just want to encourage people that everyone's going through a hard time. And even if people are posting happy photos, there's some strife going on inside homes everywhere right now. And we need to just realize that that's human nature when you're stuck together for a long time. And especially when kids who are meant to be out and about and spreading their wings have had their wings clipped." IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE, YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE... Raise Thriving Kids Parenting Course Ep. 152: Putting on Your COVID Mask First Ep. 153: Rethinking School & Education During the Pandemic Ep. 132: Creating Structure, Fun, & Connection Ep. 139: Doing Life with Your Adult Children with Jim Burns Ready for Adulthood Check-List for Kids Who's Not Ready for College? ONE SIMPLE THING This week's One Simple Thing tip is to start (or continue) a Daily Family Sharing practice. You can read about it more in this post: How to Have a Closer Family in 5 Minutes a Day MY FAVORITE A Year of Positive Thinking for Teens, Katie Hurley, LCSW Description of A YEAR OF POSITIVE THINKING Transform your thoughts and find the confidence to navigate your teen years with positive thinking Being a teen can be an emotional roller coaster. When you’re overwhelmed by unrealistic expectations from your friends, family, social media feed, teachers, and even yourself, it’s normal to have thoughts and feelings like This is too hard or I'll never measure up. With A Year of Positive Thinking for Teens, you'll discover how to overcome these anxious thought patterns, and build a happier, more positive mindset to achieve your goals. Let go of stress with relatable prompts and reflections―all grounded in positive thinking and positive psychology strategies. Find a daily dose of motivation through insightful quotes and affirmations designed to encourage you to embrace happiness one day, one thought, and one year at a time. This guide to positive thinking includes: Pockets of joy―Practice positive thinking in the moment with this beautiful, easy-to-navigate, and portable book. Achieve your dreams―Insightful quotes and affirmations will help you remember your strengths, stay motivated, and reach your goals. Teens like you―From self-esteem issues to social media stress, you'll discover prompts to help you through a wide range of issues teens face every day. Find confidence, courage, and clarity on the road to adulthood with positive thinking. SUBSCRIBE TO SUNSHINE PARENTING THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode and know of others who would be encouraged by the ideas, please share! Leave a review for the Sunshine Parenting Podcast on iTunes! Reviews are very important for helping podcasts find their audiences, and I would love your support in helping people find Sunshine Parenting! Would you like access to bonus posts, resources and podcast episodes? Join my squad on Patreon! Audrey

 SHOW NOTES Join the Sunshine Parenting PATREON squad for bonus perks, including bonus podcast episodes and exclusive posts and resources! Join Audrey's email subscriber community for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.  Jean Rogers is the Director of the Children’s Screen Time Action Network, where she leads a coalition of practitioners, educators, advocates, and parents who collaborate on practical methods to reduce children’s time on screens and digital devices, mitigate the dangers, and preserve childhood in the digital age. Jean is the host of Action Network Live!, a webcast bringing experts to parents on how screens impact all aspects of child development. She writes a weekly blog and speaks widely to parents, teachers and activists, empowering them to implement simple solutions to a complex 21st century parenting challenge. Jean earned Masters’ degrees in Education and Parenting Education at Wheelock College, where she took up the mantel of Susan Linn and Diane Levin, trailblazers in media literacy, play-based learning, and avoiding a commercialized childhood. Prior to working at the Action Network, Jean was a freelance marketing writer, illuminating products and services for nonprofit and business clients. She was also a music teacher, director of a large church school, and a college writing center consultant. Her greatest role is mother to 5 children. BIG IDEAS • The Social Dilemma is fantastic because it helps you understand that social media apps were designed for profit for the companies that designed, not for the benefit of the users (a good term because of the addictive nature of the apps). • If you have preteens or teens, we encourage you to have them watch The Social Dilemma with you. They'll understand more at the end, they'll maybe see themselves or their friends in it or their cousins. They'll understand it from the perspective of one of those ages. If you have young children, the film is really a cautionary tale. It's something that if you watch it now you can prevent some of these things from happening. • While we do have the children's online privacy and protection act, that has not translated into the regulations for social media that you would expect, and kids are still able to scroll. They're able to find things. • For our kids, it's so easy for them to believe everything that they see and for us to need to explain that not everything is real on the internet. Fake news and stories spread much faster than true ones. LINKS & RESOURCES • Where to connect with and find out more about Jean and the Children's Screen Time Action Network: Website Facebook Book: Kids Under Fire Action Network Live • Jean's interview with Audrey and Lenore Skenazy on Action Network Live. Happy Campers at Home: Navigating Summer with Children during COVID-19 from CCFC on Vimeo. • "The Social Dilemma" • Cyberwise • "The Great Hack" • Cal Newport • Digital Wellness Collective • Wait Until 8th • Turning Life On QUOTES • Audrey: "I had heard that a long time ago about Steve jobs, that his kids weren't allowed to have iPads." • Audrey: "These tools that have been created are starting to erode the social fabric of how society works." • Jean: "The Children's Screen Time Action Network is a campaign for a commercial-free childhood." • Jean: "Creating routines reduces stress." • Jean: "I think one of the things they say in the film is, it's not like a bolt of lightning that happens. All of a sudden your kids are converted to this world. It's a gradual change in their behavior. And so we don't want to wake up someday and not know our kids." • Jean: "There are studies that say, we learn a lot more. We absorb a lot more by reading the real book." • Jean: "You can't change it. That only the industry can change it, but you can change what's going on in your own home." IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE, YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE... Ep. 156: The Tech Solution with Dr. Shimi Kang Ep. 148: Connecting with Nature & Each Other During COVID with Ariella Rogge Ep. 144: Raising Happy, Durable Kids in the Digital Age Ep. 116: Why We Need to Unplug and Connect with our Families ONE SIMPLE THING This week's One Simple Thing is one from Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults. MY FAVORITE Digital Minimalism, Cal Newport I think we’re only scratching the surface on the damage caused by our current technology habits. As I argued in Digital Minimalism, these tools are both powerful and indifferent to your best interests. Until you decide to adopt a minimalist ethos, and deploy technology intentionally to serve specific values you care about, the damage it inflicts will continue to accumulate. -Cal Newport, Do Smartphones Make Us Dumber? SUBSCRIBE TO SUNSHINE PARENTING THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode and know of others who would be encouraged by the ideas, please share! Leave a review for the Sunshine Parenting Podcast on iTunes! Reviews are very important for helping podcasts find their audiences, and I would love your support in helping people find Sunshine Parenting! Would you like to have access to bonus posts, resources and podcast episodes? Join me as a supporter on Patreon! Audrey

SHOW NOTES Join the Sunshine Parenting PATREON squad for bonus perks, including bonus podcast episodes and exclusive posts and resources! Join Audrey's email subscriber community for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.  Bethany Saltman, this week's guest, is the author of Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment. Bethany is an author, award-winning editor, and researcher. Her work has been in The New Yorker, New York Magazine, Atlantic Monthly, Parents, and many other publications. Bethany also works as a best-selling book coach, a communications director, and an in-demand mindfulness mentor, consulting writers and entrepreneurs at all stages of their creative process. She helps her clients envision and execute projects, from book proposals to content development and messaging to Big Ideas, and more. A longtime student of Zen, Bethany is devoted to the fine art and game-changing effects of paying attention. She lives in a small town in the Catskills with her family. BIG IDEAS • Being a Zen (or Buddhist) parent • How to come to terms with who we are as a person and as a parent. • Steps for being in the moment with our kids and returning to ourselves. • How meditation (noticing the thought, let it go, return to your breath/body, return to your intention to be a kind and attuned parent) LINKS & RESOURCES • Where to connect with and find out more about Bethany and her work: Website Instagram Twitter LinkedIn • Bethany's Flowers Fall: Field Notes from a Buddhist Mom’s Experimental Life column (Chronogram Magazine) • Dr. Dan Siegel • Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. • The AAI (Adult Attachment Interview) QUOTES • Bethany: "I learned that secure attachment is not what I thought it was, and it's much bigger, it's much more forgiving, it's really much more empowering than Dr. Sears would ever have you think." • Bethany: "That's the beautiful thing about this work is that it really directs us so much deeper than those superficial feelings." • Bethany: "It's a very primitive orientation towards security and towards safety." • Bethany: "Just let anything happen and stop talking. In time, your senses will return and you'll come back to yourself." IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE, YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE... Ep. 121: The Power of Showing Up with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson Ep: 136: Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. on Showing Up for our Kids During COVID-19 Ep. 103: How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids Good Things Come to Those Who Breathe Ep. 97: Parenting the Challenging Child Ep. 151: Dealing with Uncertainty & Building Resilience with Dr. Nicole Beurkens ONE SIMPLE THING This week's One Simple Thing is one of the "Sticky Note Solutions" from Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults. MY FAVORITE Half Time: Moving from Success to Significance by Bob Buford   SUBSCRIBE TO SUNSHINE PARENTING   THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode and know of others who would be encouraged by the ideas, please share! Leave a review for the Sunshine Parenting Podcast on iTunes! Reviews are very important for helping podcasts find their audiences, and I would love your support in helping people find Sunshine Parenting! Would you like to have access to bonus posts and podcast episodes and be part of my next book? Join me as a supporter on Patreon! Audrey

SHOW NOTES Are you a Super Fan of Sunshine Parenting? I'd love to connect with you and share patron-only podcast episodes and resources and exclusive early content from my next book! Check out my brand-new Patreon tiers and join me for as little as $5 per month! Become a Patron! "Those things that are really, really important are generally the things that you wouldn't be able to take in a fire."Audrey Monke Hi Podcast Friends, This week I share a personal update and some insights. Among other things, I talk about: • The fire that threatened my camp last week and thoughts on what we choose to take in an evacuation. • Prioritizing our own and our children's mental health. • My journey towards learning to accept mediocrity. I also share about the work I'm doing through GATA (Gold Arrow Teacher Academy) to support and encourage teachers in the areas of Creating Community, Celebrating Strengths, Cultivating Character. And I talk about my goal of "finding my people" through my new Patreon community. Thanks for listening to this episode and joining me in raising a generation of kids who become thriving adults! Here's to raising a generation of kids who become thriving adults! Audrey I can't wait to get back outside (after the smoke clears). BIG IDEAS • The most important things in our life aren't things. • Importance of prioritizing our own, and our children's, mental health. • Teachers need support and resources to connect and engage with students (GATA). • We can take small steps, and make simple changes, to help ourselves and our children flourish. LINKS & RESOURCES • Creek Fire News Update (Gold Arrow Camp) • GATA (Gold Arrow Teacher Academy) • Join Sunshine Parenting on Patreon QUOTES • "Think about what it is you value. What would you really want to take with you (besides people & pets)  if you only had 10 minutes to gather it up?" • "We need to remember to prioritize the mental health of ourselves and our kids. Even before this pandemic, we've been in a crisis of anxiety and depression being on the rise and teen suicide being on the rise. For many, the pandemic has made those preexisting mental health conditions even worse." • "I really want to encourage us all to really take stock of how we're doing, how our kids are doing and what maybe simple steps or changes we can make and our homes and our families for ourselves personally, to improve our mental health, not just so that we're not depressed or anxious, but so that we're actually flourishing or thriving." • "Sometimes the answers are right in front of us and we already kind of know them." • "Getting therapy was so helpful to help me reframe everything and really think through how I got myself to the point where I was and what I could do to get back to feeling better and being my best self." • "This year, this time, and this season are not a time to overachieve. For some of us, it's a really good time to just get the job done and be okay being average." • "I'd rather have a small group of people who have more interaction and back and forth." • "I invite you to join me in stepping back and prioritizing, perhaps picking just one project that you want to focus on this fall, whether it's a work related project, something in your family, or a relationship you want to work on, or maybe it's something for your own mental health. I feel like we all need to step back at this point and really prioritize, because as I've learned in the last week, most of what we do or gather around us will or can disappear. But those things that are really, really important are generally the things that you wouldn't be able to take in a fire." Would you like to have access to bonus posts and podcast episodes and be part of my next book? Join me on as a supporter on Patreon!

SHOW NOTES​ Monitoring our kids' tech use is one of our biggest challenges as parents. In this episode, I chat with Dr. Shimi Kang about strategies for raising our kids with a healthy "tech diet." We discuss several of the concepts from her new book, The Tech Solution: Creating Healthy Habits for Kids Growing Up in a Digital World. ABOUT DR. SHIMI KANG Dr. Shimi Kang is an award-winning, Harvard-trained doctor, researcher, media expert, writer, and keynote speaker who specializes in how the mind works. Dr. Kang provide science-based solutions for innovation, leadership, wellness, and resilience. She's spent over 20 years in researching, treating, and working with people from all walks of life. Dr. Kang is passionate about providing science-based tools that optimize the power of the human brain. She is the founder of Dolphin Kids: Future-Ready Leaders, CEO of Spark Mindset App, and host of the YouTube show; “Mental Wealth with Dr. Shimi Kang”. Her books have been released in 12 countries around the world and her newest title, The Tech Solution: Creating Healthy Habits for Kids Growing up in a Digital World, is now available! BIG IDEAS • The tech we consume impacts our minds, just like the food we consume impacts our bodies, knowing that then now we can start to help them understand that toxic tech is any tech that releases that stress response. • We have to understand that technology is like no other product that has come before. There's something called persuasive design. This is a deliberate use of very sophisticated neuroscience. Our dopamine pathways are being used to really get us attracted and keep us on screens.  • The good news is that habits can always change. We have something called neuroplasticity, which means we can always build new pathways.  • I talk about future ready kids having the C’s of 21st century learning. Children who understand communication, collaboration, critical thinking, creativity, and contribution. All of these are gonna be played out online as much as real life. That's going to be the new future ready child and adults.  LINKS & RESOURCES • Dr. Shimi Kang, MD Website  • The Tech Solution •​ The Dolphin Parent • Mental Wealth with Dr. Shimi Kang MD - Youtube Channel • Dr. Shimi Kang on Facebook • Dr. Shimi Kang on Instagram Please leave a review for the Sunshine Parenting Podcast over on iTunes. Reviews are very important for helping podcasts find their audiences, and I would love your support in helping people find Sunshine Parenting! To subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss a single episode, you can do so on iTunes here and Android here.

SHOW NOTES This week's conversation is with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., the trusted, down-to-earth parenting expert many of us have grown to trust over the years due to her pragmatic, research-based approach and advice. Tina has researched and written the reference book every new parent needs to combat the anxiety from competing advice from family and friends. In The Bottom Line for Baby, Tina boils down the actual scientific research in short, 2-4 page spreads. She covers many topics including vaccines, co-sleeping, germs, and circumcision. Sometimes the science is clear and sometimes it isn't, but this book arms you with the data you need to know whether your gut instinct about your own child is the direction you should go. She also arms you with the science to defend allowing your child to play in the dirt when you have well-meaning relatives who think you're letting your kid get too dirty. The Bottom Line for Baby is the book every new parent needs during this era of information overload for parents. It'll be my go-to new baby gift for many years to come. Big Ideas An exhausted parent can flip to that subject and within just a few minutes, have the latest science on that topic and then be given a bottom line about what to do. I'll just give you a sneak preview, it's really good for kids to be exposed to germs. So we should just love each other and understand that people have different webs for the decisions they make. I do want parents to say, "You know what, this isn't working for my family, but it's allowing me to be a better parent in another way." And to have that more positive self talk around, or that framework around the decisions we make. Quotes Audrey: This is just so necessary right now because I think like you said, especially when you're a new parent, you just want to do things right. And right now what's right is so confusing. So to be able to have this reference book, it is going to be my go-to baby gift from now on. I wish I had had it too. Audrey: You've summarized instead of us having to go out and find all the science, which is so, so great. Audrey: I heard you talk about it in another setting and you were saying about also just kind of going with your gut. Tina: Just how much we are so hard on ourselves and how we can be so hard on other people, especially around these super controversial topics like vaccination, sleep training, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, you know, those are all such hot button issues for people. Tina: I hope this is how it's experienced, is that parents will walk away with the idea that knowledge is power. 'I am now informed on the latest science on this topic and now Tina has just empowered me to trust my baby and to trust my instincts and to do what's right for our family, regardless of what everybody else says.' Tina: Every decision we make is not done in a vacuum. The decisions we make are part of a web. Tina: And there are many, many ways to be a great parent. And if that's not something that works for you and your baby and your family, you can let that go and ignore people who criticize you. Audrey: So just to be nicer to yourself and it's okay. Audrey: And you can also pivot. Do you know what I mean? If something isn't working, like if you're trying one way because your neighbor or somebody said, 'this is the way you have to do it', and then it doesn't work for you. There's no reason you can't say, 'well, you know what? I tried that, and it's not right for me.' Tina: I think you get perspective, as you have more kids, as you're around more kids that there really are very few, have too's. Tina: So giving in and changing your mind and holding the boundary are three different things. And the first one's not so good, the other two are perfectly acceptable. I want my kids to change their minds about things. I want them to be open when they have new information. So I want to model that too. Watch a Video of Audrey & Tina's Conversation Listen to Audrey & Tina's Previous Conversations Ep: 136: Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. on Showing Up for our Kids During COVID-19 Ep. 121: The Power of Showing Up with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson Ep. 95: Raising a Yes Brain Child with Tina Payne Bryson More Resources about The Bottom Line for Baby Links Tina Payne Bryson, PH.D. The Bottom Line for Baby Tina's Instagram Publisher's Weekly Review Tina's short-run podcast series with Dr. Phil Boucher (pediatrician) Dr. Phil Boucher (pediatrician) Tina's video blogs, with content to support parents through the pandemic Gold Arrow Teacher Academy About the Author: Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., is the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice in Southern California. She is the co-author (with Daniel J. Siegel) of two New York Times best sellers, The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline, as well as The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, and she frequently consults with schools, businesses, and other organizations. An LCSW, Dr. Bryson is a graduate of Baylor University with a Ph.D. from USC. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and three children. One Simple Thing Consider doing a September Reset. Take some time to prioritize things you want to do differently. My Favorite This week I'm sharing a favorite that I've shared before. This pandemic has left many of us with a lot less time to listen to podcast. Laura Vanderkam's Before Breakfast Podcast is a quick daily podcast with helpful tips for productivity. Before Breakfast Podcast: Tips from Happy Campers Book! I'm a big fan of Laura Vanderkam's other books and advice, as well. You can listen to our chat about her excellent book, Off the Clock, here: Ep. 56: Off the Clock with Laura Vanderkam

Courtney Thomas Tobin is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Community Health Sciences at the UCLA School of Public Health. She has a PhD in Sociology and studies issues of race-based stress, coping, and mental health among Black Americans.   One Simple Thing Formalize a "Venting Buddy" to have regular debriefs with. My Favorite Dr. Dan Siegel's Healthy Mind Platter https://www.drdansiegel.com/resources/healthy_mind_platter/

SHOW NOTES Big Ideas Honor end of summer or start of school traditions as much as possible—even if they look different. Consider creating a mini-school or co-op with another family or neighbor. Help your kids reflect on the spring and get ready for school by asking open-ended questions such as: What did you like about online school last spring? How did it go? What worked? What did not work? What do you feel like you accomplished or learned or feel more confident around? Where did you feel like you kept tripping up? Where would you like some additional support? Download a PDF of these questions to print out! Quotes Sara: This is a time for innovation and looking at things with new lenses. Sara: As the parent, a lot of times my attitude leaks into other's attitudes Audrey: When you're looking back on this time, 10 years from now, what are the things that you're going to want to be able to say about this time? Sara: I hope my kids and for all of us, our kids can look back and say, “I had extra time with my parents and while it was confusing sometimes, I really appreciate it.I enjoyed that time.” Audrey: This is an opportunity for us as parents to really start helping our kids develop more autonomy. Sara: This is an amazing time to hold each other accountable for not doing too much. Audrey: We have no control over when it's going to change, when we're going to go back to “normal,” but between now and that point, we can focus on what's really important. Sara: It can be really challenging because there's different reasons why children fight the homework. Audrey: We need, as parents, to really partner with the teachers and administrators. Audrey: Let's start the school year just knowing that we're all on the same team, we all will make mistakes. Our kids will, the teachers will, the schools will—things will go wrong. Some things will go right. Audrey: It's going to be okay. Sara: I really hope we all can move forward with the mindset that my child isn't going to be all behind—all is not lost. Sara: Let's take some of the burden and the pressure off and go back to: What is the best way for my kiddo to learn right now? Audrey: Let's all just go into this fall with the reset button. Audrey: Push the reset button, rethink, reevaluate, do a do over from the spring, have that meeting with your kids, focus more on your relationship and autonomy development. Links The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey

In this episode, I'm chatting with my friend and camp professional colleague, Sara Kuljis. Sara has been a regular guest on the podcast (links to our other episodes below). This is the first of a two-part series to help parents prepare for the fall now that we know that our life - and our kids' lives - will not be returning to "normal" any time soon.  This week, we're talking about strategies for taking care of ourselves so that we can be present and positive (as much as possible!) for our kids and families transitioning into fall with more quarantining and online school. Next week, we'll talk about some different ideas for approaching our kids' education this year. Sara Kuljis' focus as a camp owner and director has been on youth and staff development. Sara has served on the board of the American Camp Association, and is a frequent speaker and trainer for the Association. She is a certified Gallup Strengths Coach who conducts workshops to help individuals recognize, understand, and utilize strengths at work and at home. Questions What am I going to need to be the kind of parent, spouse, leader, friend I really want to be? What support/help do I need? Ask for help! What's on your responsibility/burden "plate"? What are groups/communities I need to stay involved with for my well-being? How does stress show up for you? Your partner? Your kids? Big Ideas • Have a "Co-Counselor Pow Wow" with your parenting partner. • Create a personal time schedule delineating who will be in charge of the kids at which times of day and when you each will have time for work, personal time, etc.             Listen to Audrey & Sara's Other Episodes Ep. 85: Grit is Grown Outside the Comfort Zone (PEGtalk) Ep.115: Giving Kids Meaningful Compliments Ep. 63: Growing Gratitude with Sara Kuljis Ep. 57: The Importance of Adult Friendships with Sara Kuljis Ep. 28: Focusing on Our Kids’ Strengths with Audrey and Sara Ep. 23: Peaceful Mornings with Sara Kuljis Ep. 7: Family Pace and Space with Sara Kuljis Ep. 3: Raising Resilient, Independent Kids with Sara Kuljis Ep. 133: What's Working (and What's Not!) During COVID-19 Resources/Related https://www.newsbreak.com/news/1604951837867/telecommuting-moms-bear-more-household-burden-key-insight-to-help-shift-the-dynamic-and-share-the-load https://www.pri.org/stories/2020-08-06/covid-19-s-cost-working-mothers https://thehill.com/opinion/healthcare/511201-in-the-covid-19-economy-we-are-running-out-of-time-to-prioritize-child https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/201807/where-do-you-store-stress-in-your-body-top-10-secret-areas https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/06/well/mind/five-minute-coronavirus-stress-resets.html https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/16/how-to-cope-with-coronavirus-related-financial-stress-and-anxiety.html One Simple Thing Go outside! https://sunshine-parenting.com/7-reasons-to-optoutside/ My Favorite https://www.instagram.com/p/CDmN5dkHkQt/

SHOW NOTES My guest this week is Dr. Nicole Beurkens. As a licensed clinical psychologist with advanced degrees in psychology, education, and nutrition, Dr. Nicole Beurkens is the world’s leading holistic child psychologist. She has dedicated her 22+ year career to providing parents with research-based strategies that get to the root of children’s attention, anxiety, mood, and behavior challenges so they can reach their highest potential. She runs a multi-disciplinary evaluation and treatment clinic and is a best-selling author, published researcher, award-winning therapist, and experienced mother of four. Big Ideas One of the best things we can do for our kids is stay grounded ourselves and model that for them. There is often not a “right” or “wrong” choice. It’s important to look at what is best for your family to help you decide. It’s important for kids to have independent time either by themselves or with their siblings. It’s helpful to pay attention to our coping skills and model healthy ones for our family that do not always involve screens. Quotes Dr. Nicole Beurkens: Parents and kids are now facing starting a year in a really different way. And just the uncertainty of that is generating a lot of anxiety and a lot of distress for kids. But I would say even more so for parents. I get asked all the time, “What do we do for the kids? What do we do for the kids?” And the reality of it is it's really how we're dealing with it as parents that sets the tone for how our kids deal with it. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: The first thing is to realize exactly what we're talking about—that the tone that we set as adults, as parents really makes the most difference. If we're able to manage our own emotions and behaviors around this in healthier ways, that really goes a long way to helping kids do that. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: We need to figure out how to keep ourselves more stable and more regulated. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: We need to find some time to ground ourselves and to help ourselves through the feelings and the things that are going on for us. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: It's super healthy and important for kids to have time when an adult is not structuring or generating and initiating activities. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: Please realize you can step back and take some time to do the work catch-up that you need to do, to sit down with a book and a cup of tea for a few minutes, if that is soothing to you, to go out and take that walk, to do the things that help keep you healthy—your kids can go navigate that time by themselves. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: Ultimately what happens is they start to find things to do. And that's really where an increase in creativity and self-generated activity and initiative comes from is when we allow them to have times where they have to figure it out either independently or with their siblings. Audrey Monke: I think part of it is that when both parents work outside the home, I think what they're used to is when the time that they are home, maybe it's dinner time or whatever, it's very concentrated family time. So I think this shift when your kids are always there, maybe that's an issue that people think, “Oh, it's supposed to always be this like full on work.” Dr. Nicole Beurkens: Screens do not always have to be an option for kids and shouldn't always be an option for kids. And in fact, they should have times during the day when they're not options and there's other things they need to do. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: It's so true that very often now for kids their default, if no one is engaging them in something, is just passive screen time kinds of things. So we need to be intentional about setting times and spaces where that's not happening and here's the secret to that: 100% expect they will not like that. And that is okay. It is totally okay. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: It's something I'm seeing in a lot of older teens and young adults now in my practice that they have not learned how to tolerate uncomfortable feelings, how to be with themselves and their own thoughts because their generation has just grown up sort of defaulting to using passive scrolling through social media or, you know, doing things online and on their devices as a way to kind of numb that. And while that works in the short term, it is not a good longterm strategy and it's not a strategy for helping kids grow up to be more resilient, to be emotionally and behaviorally regulated. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: Now you may be on the computer for many hours a day for work related things, but to even be intentional about things like device-free meal, times to be intentional about when I'm doing something with you, playing a game, taking a walk, doing some kind of play with you. I don't have my devices there. To be intentional about your children seeing you doing activities and things where you're taking a break from the devices where they're not part of the picture, seeing you doing things for yourself to relax and engage in self-care without resorting to devices. Those are really important models. And I think those are far more powerful than the things that we tell them about. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: That's the thing we've had conversations with the kids about. Okay, let's think about all the possible scenarios. And let's just kind of think through some plans for that. And I think that's really helpful strategy for parents and kids to be doing. Especially if you have kids at those milestone kinds of situations. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: I think what that does in thinking that through is it just brings that anxiety down because anxiety is all about uncertainty and about things that we can't control. And while we can't control those things, just by thinking through and making some plans and having like a Plan A, a Plan B a Plan C and even just talking through and anticipating how that will feel and how we'll respond to that. That's a really productive way of helping kids process and work through those emotions. Audrey Monke: I think all of us need to be flexible and that's in workplaces, in families, in schools, teachers, everyone, because like you said, everyone's kind of doing the best they can. Audrey Monke: We've all been talking about mindfulness and how important that is, but it's almost like we're being forced now to be aware and totally better with what is going on inside of us. I think when you slow down, all the stuff comes up. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: A lot of our typical coping strategies have been taken away because at least in the United States, a lot of the default coping is to stay busy. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: What are the silver linings here? Or what are some of the benefits? Dr. Nicole Beurkens: Nothing that's going to happen is all bad. Dr. Nicole Beurkens: As families and as parents, we can support each other and realize that there is no right or wrong, there are options. And you need to look at what is in the best interest of your family's health, wellness, wellbeing. Audrey Monke: Like you said, you can pivot if it seems like it's not working. Links Dr. Beurkens' Website with resources for parents and professionals Horizons Developmental Resource Center Better Behavior Show Podcast Life Will Get Better Book One Simple Thing More of, Less of, Same of (MO, LO, SO) One Simple Thing video series My Favorite Simon & Schuster Audio · THE POWER OF MOMENTS Audiobook Excerpt Creating moments during COVID (surprise camp blanket & jacket presentations):

Show Notes In Episode 150, I catch up with Karen Lock Kolp, M.Ed. of the We Turned Out Okay website and podcast. Karen is an early childhood development expert and parent coach. Karen helps worried and hovering parents by bringing reassuring, helpful advice and conversations. She offers simple strategies and guidance in her book, 10 Secrets Happy Parents Know: How to Stop the Chaos, Bring Out Your Child’s Good Behavior, and Truly Enjoy Family Time. Big Ideas • Making little tweaks in our parenting can have positive effects that make our lives easier and calmer. • Kids are very capable and can contribute a lot in the home. • It’s important to lower our expectations of ourselves and focus on some daily connection time with family rather than all of the things we feel like we “must do” right now. • Going through a tough time with at least one person is better than alone—find that person! Quotes Audrey: I think they really need to just relax their expectations of themselves. There's no way you're going to be engaged, connecting, entertaining your children for their entire waking hours. You need to balance it. Try to do something fun every day, maybe for a little bit of time, but also finding those things that can keep your kids busy is really important right now. Karen: As much as you can, make your home life structure so that there is a lot of connection, a lot of laughter, reading aloud to your child. Karen: If you can read aloud to them and make it infectious and fun, you will find them wanting to read aloud to you. And that's what we want. We want it to come from them. We want it to be motivated by them. Karen: It's a rare time for that. I mean, you talk about what is possible, which is an expression that Pat Flynn has used. He is an entrepreneurial podcaster. I really love him. He's got the smart, passive income podcast and he's just relentlessly positive. And he asked the question, “What does this make possible?” And it does make possible a whole bunch of scary things, but we can't live in that space. We have to live like this. Maybe this will make possible some positive things. Maybe our children will discover clay in the brook behind the house and learn how to take that clay and make it into actual, usable, moldable clay. Audrey: Even pretty young kids could help with some cooking, but I mean, if you have even an eight or nine year old, they can cook a meal for you and you can just teach them and then they can just do it on their own. And that would make them feel great and be an incredible life skill to take out of this time. Audrey: My mindset is: everyone's helping, no matter how young you are, we're all going to do something. Audrey: I think sometimes we just have to remember that our kids can do more. So if we're thinking, “Oh my gosh, the house is a mess and I have to do it.” And I think that we can enlist our kids and now more than ever, we can just say, “Hey, we really need you.” Karen: My goal is to change behavior so that you don't have to do as much negative disciplining. You can just be happy because things are much more smooth. Audrey: I think we just all need to take a deep breath and just realize that maybe there's just little tweaks that we can do—simple things that actually make life easier, not harder. Audrey: I also think that it's really important during this time for people to find community. Audrey: We're all okay. It's not looking great really anywhere. And that's okay right now. Audrey: I think it's just finding whatever it is that works for you to get you in the right mindset to be able to be flexible and know that none of us really knows what tomorrow's bringing and we have to just be okay with that because all we can do is try to make the most of today with whatever people we’re with. Audrey: You took something that was really a scary, bad thing and turned it into something amazing. Audrey: I hope that one of the outcomes from this is we all realize that we need each other and we can lean on each other and, we'll get through this better together than alone. Resources/Related Ep. 38: We Turned Out Okay with Karen Lock Kolp Ep. 69: 10 Secrets Happy Parents Know We Turned out Okay (Karen Lock Kolp’s Website) Download Karen’s “Calming the Weeknight Chaos” Helping Your Fearful Kid Try New Things I was also guest on Karen’s We Turned Out Okay Podcast! Our topic was Give Your Child the Magic of Summer Camp! Karen's Interview on Am Writing 32 Ways to Occupy Stuck-At-Home Kids Crucial Conversations Book Smart Passive Income Podcast with Pat Flynn Karen's Ninja Parenting Community Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics Book Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics Podcast Episode Karen's OkayCon 2020 Author: Mary Balogh One Simple Thing My one simple thing tip this week is to focus on strengths. When we've spent a lot of time with people, we can start to get fixated on their faults and the things they do that annoy us. Take a moment to list out the people you're sheltering with and one strength you appreciate about each of them. Focusing on strengths is a great strategy for improving family relationships! Creating a Strengths-Based Camp, American Camp Association Ep. 28: Focusing on our Kids’ Strengths Celebrating Strengths Focusing on Our Kids’ Strengths My Favorite My favorite this week is one of my favorite mood boosters: listening to music! Music, especially songs that have an uplifting beat or lyrics, are a great way to improve your mood. Here are two of my current favorite "feel good" listens. https://youtu.be/8YuWAZmD0aU   https://youtu.be/3osp2p_gLx4  

In Episode 149, I’m talking with repeat podcast guest Stephen Gray Wallace about his new book, Impact: An Introduction to Counseling, Mentoring, and Youth Development. The book offers insightful commentary on the important role of mentors in the lives of children and teens. While it specifically addresses camp counselors, Impact is equally relevant for all key youth influencers, including parents, teachers, and coaches. Ep. 27: Raising Teens who Thrive with Stephen Wallace Ep. 92: Creating Strong Relationships with Teens Stephen has broad experience as a school psychologist and adolescent/family counselor. He is president and director of the Center for Adolescent Research and Education (CARE), a former associate research professor at Susquehanna University, and the past national chairman and chief executive officer at SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions/Students Against Driving Drunk). Stephen also works with the American Camp Association (ACA) as a feature magazine writer, media spokesperson and faculty member at its e-Institute for Professional Development. Review of IMPACT Decades of experience and research are packed into Wallace’s guide for leaders at summer camp. Wallace communicates the responsibility and life-changing impact counselors can have and the many facets of their role, which go far beyond what most people think of when they hear the job “camp counselor.” Covering a multitude of topics that are critical for counselors to understand, with discussion questions at the end of each chapter, the book is user-friendly and can be quickly incorporated into staff training. Lists that offer key takeaways of each concept on topics including developmental stages, disciplinary dos and don’ts, leadership styles, and effective teaching techniques (to name just a few) are instrumental as both a reference and training tool for camp staff. IMPACT needs to be assigned reading for every camp counselor, as the guide clearly communicates the magnitude of the responsibility counselors have for the physical and emotional well-being of other people’s children, the critical importance of developing positive relationships with each of the campers they serve, and an understanding of what to expect and how to handle the different challenges they will face. Camp leaders wanting to be informed and have a positive impact (without having to read the scores of books and articles Stephen Wallace has read) need to read IMPACT and keep it as a resource to refer to when planning training and coaching staff. - Audrey Monke, camp director, speaker, & author of Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults Big Ideas   Quotes   Resources/Links   One Simple Thing Ep. 133: What's Working (and What's Not!) During COVID-19 My Favorite Related Posts & Episodes Ep. 27: Raising Teens who Thrive with Stephen Wallace Ep. 92: Creating Strong Relationships with Teens Ep. 81: The Power of One with Travis Allison Ep. 87: The Impact of Camp Experiences with Laurie Browne, Ph.D. Ep. 123: Connection Comes First Ep. 89: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men with Michael Reichert, Ph.D. Ep. 121: The Power of Showing Up with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson Ep. 68: 12 Parenting Tips for Happier, More Connected Families 10 Parenting Tips from Camp Counselors

This week I'm bringing you my chat with long-time camp director Ariella Rogge of Sanborn Western Camps. Ariella has a TON of amazing ideas for activities we can do to encourage our kids to explore nature. She also shares connection tips families can use to stay close during COVID-19. About Ariella Ariella began her career at Sanborn when she was twelve. After five years as a camper and five years as a staff member she continued her work with young people as a high school teacher. She and her family returned to camp in 2001 and she became Program Director at High Trails. In 2013, she became Director. Ariella received a B.A. in English from Colorado College and is a certified secondary English educator and WEMT. She has been active in developing Outcomes-Based Research for the ACA and often presents at national and regional conferences. Watch our Chat Links to Instructions & Downloads for Activities we Discussed NATURE NUGGETS #2: Nature Bingo NATURE NUGGETS #4: 100 Inch Hike NATURE NUGGETS #5: Nature Scavenger Hunt Question Strategy: "I THINK, I NOTICE, IT REMINDS ME OF, I WONDER..." "... makes them feel different about the world around them." quote Maintaining & Building Connections Virtual dinner get -togethers "real" letters Keeping a record of this historical time - journals, recordings Find Your Summer Self - Fun, laughter, being outside, engaging with other people, eating good food, having really long, full days packed with all sorts of adventure. "How do we capitalize on the spaces we do have?" "It's recalibrating how we are connecting with people in interesting ways." Audrey: This is a time I think that we can all use to sort of reconnect with what's important and regroup, kind of like a refresh of our lives because we have to, we don't really have any other options. Ariella: I think that's a huge part of this experience is everybody has to have a sense of humor. "Everybody has to have a sense of humor." CAMP VALUE 18:43-19:05 (CAMPS as a resource) 19:39-20:00 - OPPORTUNITY FOR GROWTH "It's only in challenge that we grow. And this is definitely a challenging time for all of us, and yet I think it provides us with a lot of opportunities, too." Resources/Links "My Corona" by Chris Mann Sanborn Western Camps  People of Sanborn: Ariella  Book: 101 Nature Activities for Kids by Jane Sanborn and Elizabeth Rundle  Nature Bingo 100 Inch Hike  Nature Sculptures  Andy Goldsworthy Nature Sculptures Inspiration Nature Scavenger Hunt  Mental Health Practices for Everyone  Additional Ideas at the Sanborn Western Camps Blog Be You - GAC Summer Theme  One Simple Thing: A List of Little Things Learning to Enjoy the Little Things My Favorite Deep Work: Rules For Focused Success in a Distracted World  

This week I'm talking with my friend Jill Stribling. Jill's family has first-hand experience with COVID-19. If you're a longtime listener, you may remember my chat with Jill back in Ep. 35 about her decision to unplug her family, including her 10-year-old son, whose behavior around screens had started to concern her. About Jill Jill is a teacher and is the owner and founder of English for Fun, a school in Madrid, Spain. English for Fun is a learning laboratory where children and adults are empowered to take risks and try new things. They collaborate with the best research institutes throughout the world in order to bring quality education to Spain and to the world. Jill Stribling has a B.A. in Child Development and Psychology and a Master’s degree in Education and specialty in Literacy and Language Arts from California State University and more than 20 years of experience in education. After several years teaching in public schools in Los Angeles, CA, she was recruited by the American School of Madrid in 2001, where she taught Kindergaten and First Grade and took on several leadership roles (i.e. Grade Level Chair, Accreditation Committee Leader, etc.). With her educational and professional experience firmly in place, she developed a methodology for making language learning fun, and began her entrepreneurial journey in 2008 with literally one student in her living room. Shortly afterwards, she had a total of 70 students, and actually had to expand her business. English for Fun is an educational group with an English Enrichment Program for children and adults, an Urban Camp Program, an American Early Childhood Center and a Training Center for educators. Today, she owns schools in Madrid and Pozuelo de Alarcon, and this year alone more than 3,000 students will benefit from the English for Fun method! Back in the fall of 2018, I had the privilege of visiting the Stribling family, touring English for Fun, and speaking with the parents at both of the school campuses. Big Ideas It is important to think of others during this time. If we are not careful, we could cause the death of someone that we or someone else loves. This is a great time to stay inside and work on ourselves. Quotes Jill: I think that this was the scariest thing that I've ever been through in my entire life. Jill: We were really lucky that he recovered in a week. Jill: I think that now looking back on it, we realize, you know, how crazy everything was and how fortunate we are. But, um, but yeah, it was not easy. And, and, you know, I wish looking back on everything that, that not only would we have taken this more seriously when it happened. Jill: If you are someone who is a carrier and you infect other people, you will never know if you caused a death for somebody that someone else loves. Audrey: It's almost as if like, if you don't know anyone directly, it must not be that serious or something. And these numbers of deaths on that we see on the news just seem not as relevant if you don't know them, which is sad. Jill: The thing about how contagious it is is that you don't even realize it until it's too late. Jill: So that for me is the hardest part of this, is all the damage you do to others when you're not careful. Jill: By the time you realize that you have it, you've already passed it to eight to fifteen people. Audrey: I was wishing we had done better because now of course we're seeing that it's kind of everywhere now and cases are still going up in like most of our states. Jill: I think COVID is kind of teaching us that, you know, we've gotta live differently. Jill: It's not about me anymore. It's about somebody's grandmother. It's about somebody's mother who could have cancer. And I know that for a fact, because I have seen it. Jill: I get it like we're social. We want to go out. But I think right now it's the time to work on ourselves. Audrey: I,  like you, hope that from this, we learn that we are a community. We're a global community. What happens over there impacts us, we all have a responsibility. Resources/Links English for Fun NY Times article Jill mentions I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness Review by Audrey One Simple Thing - Find Your Flow What is "Flow"? Flow is a term coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi (pronounced “cheeks sent me high”) that refers to a state of optimal experience and involvement in an activity during which we are performing at our best. Watch Dr. Csikszentmihalyi talk about flow in his TED Talk, “Flow, the Secret to Happiness.” When we’re in “flow,” we are doing something we really, really enjoy. We can’t wait to do the activity again, and we feel a lot of positive emotions while participating in the activity. We can stick with it for hours without even noticing the time going by. In fact, when we’re in flow, it’s hard to stop whatever we’re doing. Flow is different from pleasure – simply doing things that are enjoyable like watching TV, scrolling on social media, or shopping. Instead, flow activities usually are demanding and take our full attention and concentration. How do I achieve flow? People achieve flow in all different ways, including while playing a musical instrument, playing a sport, writing, painting, attending a concert, bird watching, riding a horse, or running, to name just a few. Often we cannot relate to the passion others have for their personal “flow” activity, since their enthusiasm and passion seem inordinately high. For the lucky ones among us, we find flow in our daily work. The younger you are, the more likely it is that you’ve been in flow today. Young children excel at getting into a state of flow, usually during unstructured play time. As they create their pretend worlds, “cook” in the sand box, build a fort, or swing high on a swing, they are joyful and time flies by for them. Young children are experts at happily living in the moment. As we get older, however, we need to be more aware of getting ourselves into that engaged, amazing state that we enjoyed when we were younger. Official definition of flow Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one does. Possible Flow Activities And here are some ideas of possible flow activities from Deann Ware, Ph.d: Physical activities such as sports, yoga, dance, and martial arts Outdoor challenges such as hiking Music–writing, playing, mixing Art–painting, sculpture, mixed media, pottery Photography Woodworking Do-It-Yourself projects, such as home improvement Working with animals Gardening Cooking and baking Software development/coding Scrapbooking Writing Needlework–sewing, knitting, cross stitch Horseback riding What you do for work (hopefully!) Questions to ask yourself (and your kids) What activities get you into flow? When have you been doing something that you are so engaged that you’ve completely lost track of time? What are new activities you want to try this summer? What makes your heart “sing?” Sometimes, we need to explore different activities before we figure out which activities get us into that awesome state of flow. Don’t worry if you haven’t found that awesome, engaged state yet. Sometimes, it takes awhile to explore, and many adults haven’t even figured it out yet! So start now, while you have some free time, exploring different activities – creative, athletic, academic, etc. – and find your flow! Flow states are a great clue as we figure out who we are and what makes us our best self! Finding Flow My Favorite I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness

Show Notes My family's favorite word to use is 'unprecedented,' because everything is unprecedented this year. We try to use the word as much as possible.-Audrey Hi Friends, How are you doing? I mean, how are you really doing? Many of us - kids and adults alike - are really struggling right now - physically, emotionally, and financially. So much is uncertain, and much has been lost. This pandemic has been devastating. This week (July 2 to be exact) is the mid-point of 2020. What a year this has been. It's nothing like I thought it would look and, for many of us (including me), my life has been turned upside down. I invite you to step back for a few minutes this week and check in with how you're doing in these areas: • Health • Relationships • Work If you decide to join me (and my family, who I'm also having complete the check-in), I'd love to hear any insights you come up with about changes you're going to make for the second half of 2020. In this episode, I talk about my own check-in and the activities I'm finding helpful for my own and my family's well-being. It's normal (and human nature) for us to dwell on all the things that have been lost or cancelled this year, but focusing only on all the negatives of this year is not good for our well-being. The lack of ability to plan is hard for many of us. I love my planner and my lists which, this year, have become useless. For my own (and my family's) well-being, I'm choosing to focus on being present and creating habits that improve my well-being and the well-being of my family in the areas of health, relationships, and work. I invite you to join me in looking at what to continue doing, stop (or reduce) doing, or start doing to make the second half of 2020, regardless of what the rest of this year brings, as good as possible. Thank you for being here! I'm rooting for you and your family to come out of this trial of COVID feeling stronger and more focused on what's really important. xo How are you doing? A Mid-Year Check-In Health How are you feeling physically and is there anything you want to change/adjust for the remainder of 2020 that would make you feel better physically? Areas to look at: • Sleep - Are you getting enough? Are your kids? • Exercise - Do you get at least a walk in every day? • Eating - Are you drinking enough water? Eating whole foods like fruit vegetables? I've always enjoyed exercising, including running, hiking, and my brand-new favorite exercise, indoor cycling on my Peloton. This summer, I've been going on one or two hikes a week and getting on the indoor cycle 3-4 times a week. I've decided that I don't have any excuse this year (since I don't have my camp job this summer) not to exercise, so I do at least a little exercise every day. A few evenings a week, we take a family walk after it's started to cool down, around sunset. Those walks and talks have been a highlight of my COVID days.   I've never been able to be consistent about yoga or stretching (It's hard for me to take the time, have the patience), but I've managed to consistently do a quick 6-minute post exercise routine that's been working for me that includes: Cat/Cow (1 minute) Downward Dog (1 minute) Plank (1 minute) Then I repeat the whole cycle one more time. I'm done in 5-6 minutes and I've had fewer back and shoulder pains since I started. How is your mental/spiritual health during this trial? Many of us are carrying a lot of extra stress and anxiety this year due to the loss and uncertainty COVID has caused. While there is much we can't control, there are a few things that I'm finding helpful to manage my stress. What's working for me: • Practice Presence Spending less time worrying about the past and what's going to happen in the future, and practicing more presence, being in the moment, seems to be just about our only option right now, so we may as well embrace it. • Keep a Consistent Morning Routine Until this year, I've been inconsistent about following a morning routine, but I'm finding that it's been helpful to have some part of my day - and my life - that is staying consistent despite the chaos. Here are my morning tasks (in order, most done while drinking coffee) which usually take me between 30 minutes and one hour: Bible Reading: I'm using the Bible Recap plan to read through the Bible this year. Gratitude Journal Text or note to a friend or family member Exercise I filmed a short video about my morning routine earlier this week:   View this post on Instagram   One Simple Thing: A morning routine can help your - and your kids’ - well being. A post shared by Audrey Monke (@sunshine.parenting) on Jun 27, 2020 at 7:04pm PDT • Create a day of rest or "Sabbath" Ask family members, "What's restful for you?" and make sure you set aside some time to do those restful activities, at least once per week but preferably more often. Create a ritual or tradition to "kick off" your day of rest. Benefits of a day of rest (from A Day of Rest, 12 Scientific Reasons Why it Works, www.inc.com): • Reduces stress • Gives you a chance to move • Reduces inflammation and the risk of heart disease • Boosts your immune system • Improves sleep • Adds years to your life • Restores mental energy • Increases creativity • Increases productivity • Improves focus • Improves short-term memory • Can help you love your job again Relationships How are you doing with relationships? We know that positive relationships are the best predictor of our health and happiness, so it's important - especially now - that we focus on our relationships with our family and friends. Family Dinner Sharing Family Dinner Arthur Aron's 36 questions to get closer to someone you love Questions for Connection Practice active listening/giving people our full attention  Practice empathy "It's so important in all of our relationships we are careful not to step on other people's feelings." "When someone is sharing something we us, we validate that we hear what they're saying." "When you feel heard, it's a really good feeling." Work How are you learning and growing in the area of your "work"? Your "work" is whatever you spend your time doing - whether that be in a job, care giving, or volunteering. Your work is how you fulfill your purpose, how you get meaning in your life. Whether or not you have your dream job, you can always think about learning and growing to give your life more meaning. Consider crafting your own "syllabus" for the remainder of 2020 to cover a topic you'd like to learn more about or a skill you'd like to improve on. You could sign up for an actual online course, or you can create your own syllabus with books, podcasts, documentaries, etc. and have your own customized plan to grow and learn over the next six months - and beyond! Resources/Links USA Today article: No camp for kids this summer? How to entertain your children while you work from home Follow me on Instagram Peloton Calm App Differently Wired, by Debbie Reber The Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod The Bible Recap - Daily Bible reading plan (I access the reading plan through the Bible App). The Bible Project - Animated videos explaining each book of the Bible. The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, John Mark Comer Before Breakfast Podcast Episode - Craft a Syllabus Anti-Racism Resources: There have been many resources shared recently with anti-racism resources. I listed several of my favorite resources (so far) here: Special Message: Listening and Learning How to be Anti-Racist Scaffolded Anti-Racist Resources Parenting Resources: Parenting in Place Masterclass Series (Summer, 2020) Happy Campers 9-Week Read Along Do your own Mid-Year Check-In!

Show Notes This week I'm chatting with brand new parents Danny & Courtney Tobin about their thoughts and insights about being new parents in 2020 to their Black son. They share advice for white parents about how to raise anti-racist kids. Courtney Thomas Tobin is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Community Health Sciences at the UCLA School of Public Health. She has a PhD in Sociology and studies issues of race-based stress, coping, and mental health among Black Americans. Danny Tobin is the Camp Director at R.M. Pyles Boys Camp. A non-profit summer camp that promotes long-term positive behavioral change for low-income, disadvantaged boys by providing a multi-year wilderness camp experience supplemented by year-round mentoring the builds life skills and instills the values of hard work, education, and positive choices. I met Danny through my favorite professional association, WAIC (Western Association of Independent Camps).  Danny graciously offered to chat with camp professionals wanting to discuss race so I took him up on his offer! Big Ideas It’s important to teach our kids about peoples’ differences instead of teaching “colorblindness.” The books we have in our homes and the movies and shows we watch should have people of all races represented. Using current events is a great way to bring up the topic of race with our kids. Racism is not something that only happened in the past. It’s imperative that we are teaching our kids (at home and in school) about what it looks like currently, in addition to in the past. Quotes Danny: We're not recognizing that we are different and we need to be able to coincide in the world with differences. Danny: If you have a little girl who wants a Barbie, well get them that white Barbie, but at the same time, get them that Brown Barbie and create that environment where they are getting used to seeing people of color. Courtney: I think a lot of parents shy away from pointing out differences, or they don't mention that, but again, like you said, that colorblindness or just blindness to differences doesn't really help, especially when they get a little older and then the conversation does focus around race because they've never had those conversations before. Courtney: We know from lots of research out there, like you mentioned, kids notice different colors, skin and things, you know, very, very early, like by the age of two. And they use those differences in those observations to make decisions about people and their behaviors. And so without having a context for understanding that different color skin doesn't mean that one is bad or one is good or things like that. Without having that context, kids will just come up with all kinds of things and nine times out of ten, it's not necessarily going to be good. And so it's really, I think, important to just as parents make sure our kids have the messages that we want and have those positive messages. Danny: It's not even about being racist. It's just looking at something that's different and not understanding it. Courtney: I think having diverse representation is just as, or if not even more important for white kids, because so many kids have never seen people of color before. And so you may not be able to change necessarily the composition of your community or your school, but if you had books or movies that have these positive images, which it's 2020, it's a lot easier to find than I think in years prior. But, I think if folks are really intentional about having that representation for their kids you might be able to avoid some of those kind of awkward situations because it's not like a situation where there's so many examples out there about little preschoolers saying, ‘Why is your skin like that?’ Or like things because they just don't know, or they don't understand that people look different. Courtney: I think using current events as a way to start the conversation is a really great way because the kids see there's protests, there's all these things happening. And so that could be a good opening to say, ‘What have you heard about this? Or what do you know?’ because kids will surprise you. Danny: We do want to protect kids from certain things, but we also want to have real conversations with them and recognize that they can understand and handle a lot more than parents give them credit for. Most people just build a bubble of protection that doesn't need to be there. Danny: Parents have a lot to worry about, a lot of things that they're going to have to talk to their children about, maybe it's sex education or whatnot, but to really realize that for black families, at a very, very young age, we already have to have a conversation with our children, especially black boys about how to interact with police officers. And to know that you don't have to have that conversation with your child is definitely a sense of privilege as well. Audrey: I was talking to a friend who's a person of color and she was saying that she's made a lot of efforts her whole life to make everyone comfortable, like going into work settings and just different places just to make it easy for the white people around her. And that really resonated with me that just thinking about that and having more empathy for the extra work that parents have to do, it's tough. Danny: Something that I think is also really important, and this is more maybe on an education in the school-wide system level, is that we focus on it as not being something that happened in the past. I know growing up for me in my school setting, it was, ‘Let's talk about slavery, let's talk about civil rights…’ all things that happened in the past, that don't exist anymore. Well obviously they do exist still and so we need to be cognizant about how, it's not just something that happened in the past, but let's talk about how that has shaped the current events as well. Audrey: Let's stay in touch and keep this conversation going because it's such an important one. Audrey: The camp community and the education community working together can really make a difference. Links Courtney Tobin at UCLA Danny Tobin at R.M. Pyles Boys Camp Just Mercy (Watch the movie for free here!) The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas Related Posts & Episodes Ep. 143: Talking About Race with Alex Gamboa Grand Special Message: Listening and Learning How to be Anti-Racist Ep. 117: Raising Good Humans

Show Notes This week's discussion is with Jenifer Joy Madden, author of How to be a Durable Human. We participated in a conversation for Digital Wellness Day, and this episode is a recording of our conversation from that webinar. We discussed concepts from both of our books. Madden is a health and environmental journalist who is also a digital broadcaster and adjunct professor for Syracuse University in their DC Program. Madden is a child advocate who has volunteered her time to establish new walking and biking trails throughout northern Virginia. Madden is also the parent of three durable adults. Listen to Episode 30 if you'd like to hear my first interview with Jenifer about her book, How To Be a Durable Human: Revive and Thrive in the Digital Age Through the Power of Self-Design. And you can listen to our second chat here: Ep. 71: Growing Your Child's Bushy Broccoli Brain. Big Ideas Our kids need to be seen and heard especially during the pandemic. We still need routines even if we and/or our kids are having a hard time right now. When we “think outside the loop” we can create memorable moments for our families. It’s important for us to be “durable” and for us to help our kids become “durable” as well. Quotes Audrey: We have to be more intentional and in control of this digital world that is so much now a part of what we do. Audrey: During times of stress or challenge is where we build our resilience or our durability. Jenifer: Resilience has more to do with being knocked down and being able to get up again, but durability is to endure day to day and to actually maybe even grow in strength. Jenifer: Almost every expert agrees that we need to be rocks and models. And what I mean by that is that for children, we are their constant in all of this. Their lives have totally been upended as have ours, except we're the adults in the room. And so we have to be reassuring to them and we have to be steady and they have to lean on us. Jenifer: Especially when we're talking about technology, we have to be aware of how we're using our technology so it doesn't get in the way of them. Audrey: During meals is a good time for everybody to catch up and see each other. And then bedtimes are very important for that, too. Audrey: I think a lot of parents are feeling really frazzled just from the pressures of everything going on. And I just think that I know with my kids who are a little bit older, it's been really good for us to just be sharing. We share at dinner our highs and lows. And just to say, “You know what, today was a better day because this and this and this, and today I was just really feeling discouraged or down.” and being really open and honest with them that these are very real and normal feelings during this time to not feel like your best self every day. Jenifer: We have to know we're not superheroes. We can't be. We can't have our finger on every pulse at every moment. We almost have to lower the expectations for ourselves. Audrey: Just a simple activity that we can all do right now is just to make a really short list of just the little things in life that bring us some delight. Audrey: They always say at the end of our life, the things that you're going to miss most are just the real basic stuff, like having a cup of coffee with your spouse and chatting in the morning and smiling and talking with your kids and laughing over a funny joke around dinner. I mean it's those things that money can't buy. Jenifer: The experts are also saying that we need to validate their feelings, which is if they're moping around, rather than giving them a hard time, say, “I understand, I know what you're going through,” and they suggest you can say, “I’m here.” Audrey: It is great to have a really warm, close relationship with your kids, but it is not the same. We are not the same for them as what their peers and their friends do for them. Jenifer: The hug is like a muscle relaxant, tranquilizer, and love potion all rolled into one. Jenifer: Having screen-free bedrooms is a good idea. Audrey: We need to raise people who are able to make good decisions and promote their own good habits. Audrey: In order for your little microcosm of your home to function well, everybody needs to be pitching in. Audrey: The message of pro kindness and reaching out and having compassion for others is far more powerful in a way that we can appeal to their identity as a person. Jenifer: Once you get them going, their imaginations do take off. Audrey: When the kids are there all day, you really do need to strategize some ways to get them and encourage them to play either on their own or with their siblings without needing you there all the time. Jenifer: When they grow up and they want to go to medical school, they want to be a surgeon, they have to be able to handle a needle. So this is another reason to give them play-dough instead of a screen. Jenifer: We have to have this overview of giving our children some time to be bored and not be constantly entertained. So they actually start to think for themselves. Audrey: Doing things with our hands is to me kind of a good, relaxing thing too. Audrey: It's interesting that we are being drawn to these things that make us more durable. Jenifer: I think things might get even more confusing than they are now. And so we have to be checking in with ourselves about: Are we getting upset? Is there a way that I can back out of this and not be so upset? I think that using techniques such as deep breathing, removing yourself from the situation, placing your hands on a hard surface if that's the least you can do, close your eyes and take some deep breaths just to get yourself pulled back together because there are going to be challenges and we need to have quick strategies to figure out, “Wait a minute, I'm flying off the handle. I don't want to, I'm not going to.” and walk away. Audrey: What a great example we can set if we can manage to just take even one or two deep breaths before we respond. Jenifer: I know it's possible for you to be durable and keep that compassion and that intuition and creativity up front. Links How to be a Durable Human by Jenifer Joy Madden  Digital Wellness Day Digital Wellness Collective Unplugged Family Interview with Coach Madlin of Unplugged Family and Jenifer Joy Madden Related Posts & Episodes Ep. 30: How to Raise a Durable Human with JJ Madden Ep. 116: Why We Need to Unplug to Connect with our Families 10 Lessons for Parents Raising Children in a Digital World Ep. 71: Growing Your Child's Bushy Broccoli Brain

Show Notes Parenting in Place Masterclass Series Alex Gamboa Grand - Co-founder of Good Intent -- an online shop offering sustainable alternatives to everyday essentials like home goods, cleaning supplies, and personal care products. Program Manager at Portland State University's School of Business providing support for underrepresented entrepreneurs in the Portland area who want to grow their businesses.   Links: Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson Book & Movie  Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates Malcolm X Autobiography White Fragility by Dr. Robin diAngelo  Dr. Robin diAngelo Video  Christine Caine and Anita Philips Video  Glennon Doyle on Instagram  Shaun King on Instagram 

Listening & Learning How to be Anti-Racist (Links) The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it. Albert Einstein Long after the topic of racism stops trending, white people (including me) need to be actively anti-racist. Let's listen, learn, ask how we can support POC, and do the work to make our world, our country, and our communities places where children and adults of every color and religion feel safe and protected and are able to thrive. Graphics/Visuals They're Not Too Young to Talk About Race from the Children's Community School in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. A guide to white privilege by Courtney Ahn Design Podcast Episodes Unlocking Us: Brene Brown's interview with Ibram X. Kendi on How to be an Anti-Racist Talking Race With Young Children (NPR) Books Books I've read and highly recommend: Just Mercy, Bryan Stevenson The Hate U Give, Angie Thomas Real American, Julie Lythcott-Haims Motherhood So White, Nefertiti Austin Next on my "to read" list: White Fragility Stamped from the Beginning Videos Movies Other Anti-Racist Articles, Lists & Resources I will be continuing to add resources and reviews - please send me an email or comment with more resources. Rachel Cargle The Great Unlearn Books about Race & Racism (bookshop.org) I shudder, do you? Julie Lythcott-Haims Anti-Racist Resources Embrace Race Website: Let's raise a generation of children who are thoughtful, informed, and brave abut race.  (podcast & website) By age five, Black and Hispanic children show no preference toward their own group compared to Whites. On the other hand, White kids remain strongly biased in favor of whiteness. By the start of kindergarten, “children begin to show many of the same implicit racial attitudes that adults in our culture hold. Children have already learned to associate some groups with higher status, or more positive value, than others. -Andrew Grant-Thomas, Your 5 Year-Old is Already Racially Biased. We have to eliminate the White Savior role, which centers whiteness and portrays people of color as victims. But white kids should know that they can play an important support role when it comes to fighting racism. Emphasize and prioritize the efforts of people of color, but include white allies too, John Brown, Viola Liuzzo, James Ian Tyson.-Mia Birdsong, Lift Up The Freedom Fighters Do you have Anti-Racist resources you'd like to see added to this post? Please comment and we'll add. 6-5-20

Show Notes Tap into the camp values of gratitude, attitude, and courage to help you and your family cope during COVID-19! This week on the podcast, I'm chatting with camp professional and podcaster Cole Kelly about summer camp and how his family is coping with sheltering at home. Cole and his wife Kate are the owners and directors of Camp Weequahic in Lakewood, Pennsylvania. Cole spends his summers setting the tone for camp, joining in on the fun with the kids, and supporting both the staff members at camp and parents back home in every way possible. While there are too many joys of camp to list, getting the youngest campers’ ‘happies’ each night and leading the weekly Friday Night Campfires are among his favorites. During the off-season, Cole travels to meet potential new families around the world and oversees the preparations for another great summer. Both Kate and Cole have come a long way together from captaining their collegiate teams (soccer at Dartmouth for Kate and golf at Virginia for Cole.) When not talking camp or volunteering in their home community of Athens, GA, Kate and Cole spend their time parenting their three boys – Cole3 (16), Jack (14) and Luke (12) – and caring for Camp Dog Mac. Cole hosts the Campfire Conversation Podcast: Listen to Audrey's interview with Cole on the Campfire Conversation Podcast. Play! It's good for everyone! - Michael Brandwein on Campfire Conversation (mentioned in this episode). Download Screentime Ticket Checklist from Camp Weequahic. Gretchen's Daily Activities Checklist  Cole's posts about gratitude, attitude, and courage: Gratitude in Action The Space Between Speaking from the Heart Big Ideas Many camps focus on character-building and have resources that can be helpful to families right now. It’s important for us to encourage our kids to move, connect with their friends, and have fun! Family members may need breaks from each other and will feel refreshed after some time to themselves. There may be games or activities that your family has not done in awhile that they may enjoy together again now. QUOTES Cole: There's a great quote that says that crisis doesn't build character. It reveals character. And the crisis that we're going through has shown what the character is of the camp community, which is we're here to help. We know about kids, we know about connection, we know about relationships. Cole: We're trying to keep people's minds off it while also always pointing back to the values of our camp, which is what we really focus on, which is gratitude. We've talked all the time that a grateful heart is a happy heart, attitude is the only thing you have total control over in your life. So choose a good one and then building courage. Cole: This moment that we're in right now, those values are so vitally important to practice and to put out into the world. Audrey: Try to recreate a little of that camp magic. Cole: The other things we're counseling families to do is whatever you can do to add a little bit of fun. Cole: Perfect is the enemy at this point. You just need to be there and be with your kids and want to relate. Cole: If parents treat this as an opportunity, they can connect with their kids in ways that will leave a very big lasting impression. Audrey: I do think that so many people are struggling because they're trying to figure out this new normal, but instead of putting so much pressure that everything has to be perfect, just like you said, let's just do a little bit of fun and connection Audrey: We need breaks even from each other during this time.   Resources/Related Posts Ep. 63: Growing Gratitude with Sara Kuljis Advice & Encouragement During COVID-19: Bringing Camp Home with Maria Horner Advice & Encouragement During COVID-19: Bringing Camp Home with Mike & Mary Endres Advice & Encouragement During COVID-19: Bringing Camp Home with Ariella Rogge Happy Campers Camps Video version of our interview ONE SIMPLE THING Pick a Summer Theme! MY FAVORITE Dr. Michele Borba's quick tips on Twitter & Instagram are my favorite for this week. Dr. Michele Borba on Twitter Dr. Michele Borba on Instagram Check out my recent interview with Dr. Borba about her book Unselfie: Ep. 138: Unselfie with Dr. Michele Borba

In this episode, I'm chatting with "Happy Science Mom" Sandi Schwartz about how we can use nature to help us - and our kids - feel happier during COVID-19 and beyond. At the time of our recording, Sandi was on Day 66 of her "Ecohappiness" Challenge, and she's shooting for 100 days of doing something nature-related to improve her well-being. We talk about some of the very doable, simple activities she's tried as well as the benefits of getting ourselves outside. Grab Sandi's FREE 30-Day Ecohappiness Challenge Calendar filled with fun and relaxing activities for your family to enjoy together without even leaving your own neighborhood. Sandi is the writer behind the blog Happy Science Mom. She has also published hundreds of articles in outlets such as Motherly, Scary Mommy, and more, and recently her blog was listed in Feedspot’s list of Top 100 Mom Blogs Every Mommy Must Read in 2020. Sandi researches and writes about nature and its positive effects on us and is currently working on a book on the topic. Sandi lives in Florida with her husband and two children, a daughter in elementary school and a son in middle school. Big Ideas • Being in nature is healing to us and to our kids. • Participating in something nature-related (even if you have to stay indoors) is positive for our mental health. • There are so many ways to bring nature into our lives. Quotes Sandi: You can really tap into nature in so many different ways. And when it comes to your kids, you don't have to necessarily force them to do something they don't enjoy. You could kind of spin it off from something they already love. So if they're into art, so have them go on a nature walk and then even nature photography have them, um, you know, paint a picture, draw a picture of something that they love. If there are athletes, get them outdoors more playing their sports. There's just so many options that we can, you know, weave in, in nature. Audrey: We each have our own unique combination of experiences that kind of lead to the things we need to learn. Audrey: If you want to raise a child who becomes a thriving adult, they need to see what that looks like. They need to see a parent who's showing them the way that when things get hard, how do you deal with it? What are your strategies for coping during difficult times? Sandi: The coolest part is that even the days that I'm kind of like tapped out and I'm like, am I going to come up with something unique today? Something appears. Sandi: You don't always have to work hard to seek out nature. It can find you as well. Audrey: You can see the silver linings and it sounds like  you've really found a silver lining in your, what you always knew: your knowledge that nature can heal and can help through challenging times. Sandi: I appreciate the well-roundedness of how we can reach out to nature, whether it's through your computer, your balcony, your backyard, or if you're going on a hike. Audrey: It's a very relaxing feeling to be fully in nature. Sandi: You don't necessarily have to be at the natural water body to experience it. A lot of it is even closing your eyes and imagining you are at the beach. Water is so powerful. Audrey: Sometimes we try to separate different parts of us, but really we are part of nature and the world and our bodies are also really connected with how we feel like drinking enough water and getting sun and getting that vitamin D. So there's so much that it's all interconnected. So being outside is obviously something that we all need. Sandi: Nature also gives us that positive ability to go back and be in awe even from our past experiences. Resources & Links Happy Science Mom Happy Science Mom on Facebook Happy Science Mom on Instagram Happy Science Mom on Twitter The Happiness Project by: Gretchen Rubin Blue Mind by: Wallace J. Nichols Related Posts & Podcast Episodes Advice & Encouragement During COVID-19: Bringing Camp Home with Ariella Rogge 7 Reasons to #optoutside One Simple Thing Do one thing outside as a family this week, even if it's just for 20 minutes. Ideas: picnic on a deck or in your backyard walk or bike around your neighborhood chalk art or basketball in the driveway golden hour photo shoot nature bingo What simple outdoor activities have you tried with your family? Comment or send me pictures!  My Favorite For all these reasons, spending time in nature with your children may be an ideal way to nurture family bonds, whether you’re dealing with a fussy infant or a recalcitrant teen. Nature doesn’t have ring tones or deadlines. You can reach it without spending a penny. And you can even get outdoors together with other families to increase the sociability and fun. As parents like Debra Scott have discovered, getting outdoors can help both you and your child feel better, while giving you common ground for discovery and play. -Sara St. Antoine , "Together in Nature: Pathways to Stronger, Closer Families" (Children & Nature Network Spurred by my conversation with Sandi, my favorite this week is the Children & Nature Network. Founded by Richard Louv (best-selling author of Last Child in the Woods and Nature Deficit Disorder), C&NN offers free resources and tools for families and organizations to help get kid out in nature. Free PDF Dowloads from Children & Nature Network Nature Clubs for Families Together in Nature: Pathways to Stronger, Closer Families

Link to show notes for this episode. Katherine Reynolds Lewis is an independent journalist, author and speaker based in the Washington D.C. area on topics including parenting, children, education, mental health, technology, work, entrepreneurship, caregiving, diversity, equity and inclusion. Her award-winning book, The Good News About Bad Behavior (PublicAffairs, April 2018), explains why modern kids are so undisciplined and tells the stories of innovators who are rebuilding lost self-regulation, resolving family conflict and changing the trajectory of young lives. Based on the most-read article ever published by Mother Jones, the book documents a new model of discipline for a generation of children who are out of control.  Katherine is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program in Kensington, Md. Katherine contributes to The Atlantic, Experience Life, Medium, Parents, USA Today’s magazine group, the Washington Post and Working Mother magazine. Her byline has also appeared in Bloomberg Businessweek, Fortune, MSN Money, Money, the New York Times, Parade, Slate, and the Washington Post Magazine. She's appeared on CNN, NPR, Bloomberg television and radio, and HuffPost Live, as well as many TV and radio programs nationally and internationally. Big Ideas Kids today really do behave differently than in previous generations. It’s important to model to our kids how to calm down or stay in control when we are stressed so that they can learn what works best for them in their own situations. Connecting with your child goes a long way. Making mundane things fun by playing a game, timing it, or doing it in a different way are effective techniques worth trying with your kids. It’s important to reframe the way we look at a child’s misbehavior. Quotes Audrey: If we can't show our kids how to appropriately handle difficult situations, that's hard for them too. Audrey: There are things that we can do to positively influence our kids by being more aware of our own triggers and how we can respond more effectively in different situations. Katherine: And when you start modeling all of the many strategies there are for self-regulating, then your kids first of all see, Oh, it's normal to feel disregulated many times during the day and to need to bring yourself back under control. And then they start thinking, Oh well what would, what would work for me? Katherine: We always try to have this conversation of: I see you're starting to get worked up. I'm noticing your face is getting a little flushed. What do you think would help? Right. And the more that we start turning it back to our kids so that they tune in to their own bodies and their own needs, then they're going to find the solutions that work for them. Audrey: So these behaviors that we see, a lot of it is just that they are not able to comply if they don't have the skill yet. Katherine: The apprenticeship model is really viewing our kids as capable of growth and change. Katherine: Relationship is the foundation of self regulation. Katherine: Even if it's little by little by little, even if it's two step forward, one step back, having that faith and vision that our kids are able to succeed, if we can have that vision for them, then they can start to believe it and inhabit it as well. Katherine: The information you're getting from your kids through their behavior is just data and it helps you to figure out, okay, what might be going on? How can we potentially find a better path, um, through this challenge. Katherine: The apprenticeship model is these three Cs, connection, communication and capability building. Katherine: I think so often parents are asking authors like us, “What do I do? What's the technique that will make my kid be perfect? That will make them finally do what I, what they need to do in this situation.” But it really comes down to that relationship between you and your child. And I think that if you or I were in someone's home, we still wouldn't have all of the clues that the parent has to to really understand the dynamics and what might help and what might be the underlying issue. Audrey: It's fun for them. You've made it so that something that happens every day and is mundane suddenly is like appealing and kind of fun. Katherine: Sometimes if we can just lighten up as parents, have a little faith, and make it silly and playful, that's going to be the most effective way to just change the script a little bit so the kids aren't getting a long lecture or they're not earnestly sharing their feelings. They're just playing the game. Audrey: Sometimes it's just a matter of using things that you already use with other relationships more in your parent child relationship. Katherine: Everyone wants to feel that connection. They want to be listened to, have respectful communication, and they want to be seen as capable of growth. Audrey: I’m often talking to parents about that capability piece that actually making sure our kids know that they are valued and important contributors to our homes. Katherine: If we can instead say, “Oh great, I'm going to take the extra 20 minutes to teach you how to sweep or spray a bottle to wash the windows or chop up vegetables for salad, then it feeds that sense of belonging that is the deepest human need to feel that we belong in our family and our community, whatever group we're part of, that we're needed and that we authentically contribute. Audrey: It was neat to me to hear that the contribution goes beyond your home. And I think that's sort of the ultimate goal. Katherine: Instead of drilling our kids with flashcards or working on their times tables, if we could just say, “Hey, would you like to help me organize the spice rack?” That's going to be just as important, if not more to their success. Plus it's an activity we do together. They're helping our home. There's so many things packed into these simple household tasks that we can do together. Resources and Links Katherine Reynolds Lewis Website Book: The Good News about Bad Behavior Parent Encouragement Program in Kensington, Maryland Explosive Child Book Lost at School Book Viral Story for Mother Jones Magazine Study Comparing Russian Kindergartners Today to Russian Kindergarteners 50 Years Ago One Simple Thing During this pandemic, a simple thing you can do to improve your own and others' well-being is to lower your expectations and standards for yourself and everyone else. I talked about this in my interview on the Happier in Hollywood podcast. I like the concept of the "Minimum Effective Dose" I learned from Dr. Christine Carter in her book, The Sweet Spot, and it seems especially helpful during this challenging time. The “minimum effective dose” (MED) is considered to be the lowest dose of a pharmaceutical product that spurs a clinically significant change in health or well-being. In order to live and work from my sweet spot, I had to find the MED in everything in my life: sleep, meditation, blogging frequency, checking my email, school volunteering, homework help, date nights. We have a deep-seated conviction that more work, more enrichment activities for the kids, more likes on Facebook or Instagram, more stuff would be better. Unless we like feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, we need to accept that more is not necessarily better and that our go-go-go culture, left unchecked, will push us not only beyond our MED — but beyond the “maximum tolerated dose,” the level at which an activity (or drug) becomes toxic and starts causing an adverse reaction. -Christine Carter, Ph.D. Want to listen to my conversations with Christine on the podcast? Ep. 127: The New Adolescence with Christine Carter, Ph.D. Ep. 41: Getting Comfortable with our Kids’ (and our own) Discomfort with Christine Carter Ep. 1: Raising Happiness with Christine Carter My Favorite Download Christine's free eBook, How to Gain an Extra Day Each Week: 3 Science-based Strategies to generate more time for the things things that matter most. I especially like Step 1 in Tactic No. 1 (Upgrade Your Task List): Decide on your Top Five priorities. Not just at work, but in life.  It's really hard to narrow down priorities, but it's an important first step in figuring out which tasks to prioritize. When I read The Sweet Spot several years ago, I spent some time figuring out my priorities. I pulled my copy out and saw that my number three priority was writing my book, which I only managed to do because I put it as one of five priorities. This pandemic has made it clear to me that I need to prioritize what's most important to me. Christine's book and advice helped me realize that having too many priorities scatters my attention and effort and makes me frustrated and less effective in the relationships and activities that I value most. Listener Question Hi! I am the in-school suspension lady at my school, and I need some kind of activities or lessons to teach my 5th through 8th graders when they get into a fight or defiance towards a teacher. Do you have any ideas? Mary • Connect, connect, connect! It's challenging when we have so many kids to manage, but connecting with children and letting them know that they are loved and cared for despite their behavior is so important. Instead of getting angry at the child for their behavior, look at them with curiosity. You can read more about why the child's behavior is likely due to their neurobiology and a lack of appropriate coping skills. My favorite books and videos on this topic are from Dr. Dan Sieigel and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., including their best-selling books, The Whole-Brain Child, No-Drama Discipline, The Yes Brain, & The Power of Showing Up • Talk about calm down strategies when the child is in a calm state (not when they are agitated/ "in trouble") so that they can start learning to self-regulate. • Brainstorm what works for them. Empower the child to come up with their own ideas. For younger kids, you could have them make their own Conflict Resolution Wheel. I write a lot about strategies for connecting with kids and forming close relationships, as well as how to flip the script on traditional, punitive discipline, in my book, Happy Campers. I invite you to download a free chapter (Secret #1: Connection Comes First) and see if my book could be another resource for you! Video: Emotional Responsiveness with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. Ep. 95: Raising a “Yes Brain” Child with Tina Payne Bryson Ep. 97: Parenting the Challenging Child Ep. 110: Keep Calm & Parent On 10 Ways to Teach Kids to Calm Down 5 Steps to Help Kids Resolve Conflicts

Interested in positive strategies for happier children, adolescents, and families? Check out Sunshine Parenting Coaching! Show notes & links available here. In this episode, Audrey's guest is Jim Burns, President of HomeWord and the Executive Director of the HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacific University. Jim speaks to thousands of people around the world each year. He has close to 2 million resources in print in 30 languages. He primarily writes and speaks on the values of HomeWord which are: Strong Marriages, Confident Parents, Empowered Kids, and Healthy Leaders. Some of his most popular books include: Confident Parenting, The Purity Code, Creating an Intimate Marriage, and Closer. Jim and his wife, Cathy, live in Southern California and have three grown daughters, Christy, Rebecca, and Heidi; two sons-in-law, Steve and Matt; and two grandchildren, James and Charlotte. The aim of Jim (and Homeword)'s work is to strengthen and equip parents, couples and families. They believe in strong marriages, confident parents, and empowered kids. Big Ideas Our kids (no matter their age) need us to be their biggest cheerleaders. Sometimes our kids need tough love, which is not meanness. Our adult children really need us to listen. When our kids become adults we have to make some changes in our parenting role. Becoming independent can be an awkward, painful process, but we can support our kids through it. Today’s young adults “meander” towards independence compared to previous generations and that changes parents’ roles, too. Your role as a parent changes throughout your child’s life. We need to have healthy boundaries and refrain from coddling our adult children. Quotes Jim Burns: But the truth of the matter is what brings them back is setting a tone of what I call awe, affirmation or affection, warmth and encouragement...I want to be the top cheerleader in their life. Jim Burns: Even if they've not launched or they're not doing so well or if they violated values, the bottom line is they're asking this question, do you still love me? And I really believe that our kids need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt, Hey, I still love you and we're going to get through this process together in that. I think that's the best thing. We as parents can offer our kids at the same time know we do have to set boundaries and hold expectations but in a way very different than when they were children. Jim Burns: I had to realize that experience is a better teacher than advice. Jim Burns: Unsolicited advice is taken as criticism. Audrey: Even if they're doing things that are crazy or not right, you can still affirm them and be their biggest fan. Audrey: It is cool at camp that other adults can pour into kids and see that in them. Audrey: For our kids, if we can just focus on the strengths that we see and help them grow those, it's remarkable. It will help them throughout childhood and adulthood. Jim Burns: If we have somebody who believes in us, that is just huge. Jim Burns: Tough love is not meanness. Tough love is saying they're going to have to experience some of the consequences for them to learn. Audrey: I think part of what parents struggle with, and I know that you find this too, is just the fact that when you're becoming independent, it's kind of a painful, awkward process. So it's not this smooth line where you go to college and suddenly you're mature or you get a job and you're suddenly mature. It's painful and there's two steps back, one step forward. It's a lot of ups and downs. But what I like about your book is it's very much what, as a parent, we need to do help the process. Audrey: The truth is that none of us are ever really ready for something we haven't done, even adulthood. And we have to remember that when we started doing things, we weren't ready either. Jim Burns: So they go away and they are more ready than we are ... Not totally ready, because there are some bumps along the way. But you know, I think part of it is a process of us getting ready and us realizing that we have to reinvent the relationship. Audrey: Be comfortable with a little bit of discomfort or sometimes a lot of discomfort, which is when your child's going through a difficult time trying to do something on their own. You know, the innate desire as a parent is to jump in and rescue. That's not what they need. Audrey: I do want to encourage parents to read your book and I think it's good to read as early as you can, even during adolescence or sooner to kind of prepare yourself emotionally for the journey so that you're ready for it. But even if you have already a 30 year old, you could still read it and get some great insights from it. Jim Burns: You help them launch by sometimes showing empathy, showing care, but not necessarily giving them the answer unless they ask you. Resources & Links Homeword Doing Life With Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out Understanding Your Teen: Shaping Their Character, Facing Their Realities Confident Parenting Doing Life With Your Adult Children Online Video Course Related Ep. 75: Begin with the (Parenting) End in Mind 9 Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults Ready for Adulthood Check-List for Kids Ep. 122: How to Connect with Your Teen with Chris Thurber One Simple Thing: Post a Quote or Mantra Each summer at camp, we select ten positive, inspirational quotes and post them on the doors of our bathroom stalls. Campers often offer the quotes, word for word, as something they learned at camp. Why not create some positive messages in your home to help remind your family about the positive practices that will enrich each of your lives? Repetition and reminders in the form of signs, notes, and postings are a great way to reinforce important lessons. If you have a favorite quote or mantra, tell your kids about why you like it and post it in a prominent location. I guarantee your kids will remember it (even if they make fun of you for posting it!). Here are some of my favorite quotes: Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.  -Mother Teresa A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. James Keller People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou We rise by lifting others. Robert Ingersoll Throw kindness around like confetti. If you want more kindness in the world, put it there. A great attitude becomes a great day which becomes a great month which becomes a great year which becomes a great life. Maybe you’re not meant to fit in. Maybe you’re supposed to stand out. Please don't hide your inner awesome. The world needs it. Be the reason someone smiles today. If you decide to post a quote or mantra, I'd love for you to share it with me.  My Favorite The Dibble Institute: Free Resources "The Dibble Institute is a 501(c)3 nonprofit that promotes relationship training for youth—especially in the context of dating and romantic connections. Our goal is help to young people build a foundation for healthy romantic relationships now, and for lasting, positive family environments in the future." Explore all the great free resources at The Dibble Institute, including their series of Tip Sheets which include: Guiding Teens & Young Adults in Developing Healthy Romantic Relationships Tips for Parents: Coping During the Coronavirus Pandemic Listener Question This week's listener question came in via email. If you have a question you'd like me to cover on a future episode of the podcast, email me or record a voice message!   Do you have any suggestions for how to start doing family meetings? Family meetings are a great way to make sure you have a set time to talk as a family, plan ahead, and communicate about values and other things that are important to you. Most of us didn't experience family meetings growing up, so it might feel awkward at first calling your family together for a meeting. In our jobs, we know that regular communication, often in the form of weekly or monthly meetings, is vital to keeping people informed and up-t0-date. The same holds true for our families. Even if you start with just one meeting per month, it's a great way to open up communication about topics that don't normally come up in day-to-day life. In the resource section of my book, Happy Campers (p.230-231), I offer some suggestions for how to format your family meeting. You can get a A PDF version of the resource by signing up below.

Interested in positive strategies for happier children, adolescents, and families? Check out Sunshine Parenting Coaching! Show notes & links available here. In this episode, Audrey's guest is Dr. Michele Borba, an educational psychologist, parenting expert, and author of 24 books. Her most recent book is Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World. The aim of Dr. Borba's work is to strengthen children's empathy and resilience and break the cycle of youth violence. In this book, she shares her experience meeting kids from all over the world and discovering the unprecedented global epidemic of mental health disorders. Watch Audrey & Michele's chat on video Big Ideas 1 in 3 kids has overwhelming stress levels. As a generation, kids today are lonelier, more risk-averse, and lacking in curiosity. Dr. Borba began to examine the causes and found the lower the income of the kid, the happier the child. Studies found that in the U.S., teens are nosediving in empathy. There was a 40% drop in 30 years, while narcissism and self-absorption were up 58%. Kids today need to develop empathy. Empathy can be cultivated in our youth and doing so will dramatically enhance their success, happiness, and well-being. Here are some ideas: The Two Kind Rule: say or do at least two kind things every day. Check-in with your kids and ask, "What was something kind you did today?" Model kindness and caring. Talk about your values and moral identity. Show and demonstrate kindness in small and simple ways. 9 Essential Habits that Give Kids the Empathy Advantage: Emotional Literacy: Be able to read someone's feelings, to connect with others, talk about feelings. Moral Identity: Feel inside that caring matters and your values inform good choices. Perspective Taking: Feel another person's point of view. Moral Imagination: Share uplifting literature, film, news, and images as a source of inspiration. Self-Regulation: One simple tip is to teach “Belly Breathing.” Practicing Kindness:Look for simple ways for your child to see you extend kindness. Collaboration & Teamwork: Encourage your child to have contact with individuals of different races, cultures, ages, genders, abilities, and beliefs. Moral Courage: Promote moral courage and teaching children situational awareness to embolden them to speak out, step in, and help others. Altruistic Leadership: Don't think about yourself, think about what you can do for others. Four questions to consider: 1. Which empathy habits are you helping your children acquire? 2. Which empathy habits might you be overlooking? 3. Which empathy habits is your school addressing or may be overlooking? 4. Which habit are you interested in nurturing in your children or students? Quotes Michele: "Empathy is teachable. Our kids are hard-wired to care, but we've got to nurture it and the culture is removing it." Michele: "Parenting right now is all about the G.P.A. and the rank and score. So it puts empathy down on a lower level. All we need to do is flip it around because we'll raise more successful, happier kids who are more prepared for life if we do." Audrey: "When you are not feeling good, the best thing you can do is serve other people. Empathy gets you outside of yourself." Michele: "When we look at kids and who their role models are, 20 - 30 years ago it was, I want to be a helper, a doctor, a teacher, a firefighter. Now? Somebody who is rich and famous." Michele: "If we flip our parenting and weave in how we cultivate empathy, and it's doable. It's not another teacher, not another tutor or worksheet--it's simple little things that we can do on a day-to-day basis that will make a major difference in our children's lives." Michele: "You can't have empathy unless you can read somebody else's feelings. That's emotional literacy. Our kids have been looking down, not up. They've been disconnected. So right now, just start talking feelings more because that's the gateway to empathy." Michele: "Kids need to feel inside their heart and soul that I'm a caring person and that matters. So talk about that in your home. 'That's what we stand for, those are our values.' Because your kid will be likely to step in and do the right thing." Michele: "If we keep asking those simple little things, and weave them in, what we start doing is stretching our kids to think 'WE' not 'ME' and that's what helps our kids to be able to fight the stress." Michele: "When stress builds, empathy goes down and burnout comes up. We're now looking at a population of burned out, overwhelmed individuals." Michele: "My challenge to each kid right now is to think of one person who's struggling. It could be a friend, somebody you may not be able to connect with face-to-face, but what's one simple little thing you can do to reach out and help that person? It will not only get your stress level going down, it'll help that person. That's a win-win." Audrey: "During a time of high stress and high anxiety, the best thing we can do is stop thinking so much about our own stress and our own worry and instead think about, 'What can I do?' Little acts of kindness." Michele: "Parents, don't try to do it all. You'll be overwhelmed and your kids won't be so happy." Michele: "Yes, it's important that you get the grade and you study, but it's also important to have balance. Because what you really want is a child who has two things going for them (heart and mind.) That's the kid who's going to be able to handle life well." Audrey: "Parents, remember, talk about it. If it's important to you, make sure your kids know that it is important to you and that you value kindness and empathy." Audrey: "Our identity is so much more powerful than anything else. So if we want our kids, for example, to be healthy, they need to identify themselves as a healthy person who doesn't take things into their body that are bad for them." Audrey: "A lot of communication to kids is, 'Don't do this, don't do that.' It's so much more powerful to say, 'We are kind. We're going to practice kindness.'" Michele: "Words really do matter. Praise can diminish or increase empathy. One of the simplest things to do is catch your kid with any kind of character trait and use the word 'because' in your praise: 'That was being kind because you held the door open for grandma. Did you see how happy she was?'" Michele: "When kids see the impact of a gesture, they're more likely to repeat the gesture until they become that kindhearted kid. Just tuning up our praise the right way can make a difference." Audrey: "Let's take this time to think more about our family's values and use it as a kind of reset...There are simple things we can do right now to come out of this better, kinder people." Michele: "All of these habits, you weave them in. It's kind of like this little scaffolding trajectory. You start when they're little and you keep on going even when they're out of the house. And what you end up with is habit nine--the altruistic kid who wants to make a difference in the world. That's what our world needs right now. The kid who thinks 'WE,' because we get through stuff together, not alone." Audrey: "It's never too late to start this--or too early--and nd it will lift everybody up. We need more people bringing positive changes to the world. What this world needs is people who care and people who are looking out for each other." Resources  Dr. Michele Borba 7 Ways to Teach Perspective Taking and Stretch Children’s Empathy Muscles Empathy Is a Verb: My TEDx Talk to Start An UnSelfie Revolution The Altruistic Personality by Samuel P. Oliner Related 5 Ways to Encourage Empathy in Kids Ep. 124: Promoting Mental Health with Dr. Jess Shatkin 30 Days of Kindness Is Kindness the Secret to a Successful Life? 10 Friendship Skills Every Kid Needs One Simple Thing What are the "little things" that bring you delight? Make a short list, and encourage your kids, your partner, and your friends to do the same. When you take time to create your list, you'll realize how many of the little things you enjoy don't cost anything and can be done even when you're stuck at home. Learning to Enjoy the Little Things My Favorite It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.-Bronnie Ware Bronnie Ware's post, "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying." Here are the five regrets Ware lists in the post and covers in her book by the same name (which I haven't read). 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. 3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. 4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. Ep. 75: Begin with the (Parenting) End in Mind Listener Question This week's listener question came in via email. If you have a question you'd like me to cover on a future episode of the podcast, email me or record a voice message! Hi there, I listen to your podcast and joined your discussion of homeschooling a few weeks ago. I was wondering if you think sleep away camps and day camps will happen this summer. I'd love to hear parents and camp directors on this topic. I'm so eager to have my kids have a "normal" summer but it's feeling more and more likely that they won't. I'd love advice on this topic. Thank you, Laura Hi Laura, I really don't know what's going to happen this summer with camps. All camps will hopefully have more guidance soon, as the American Camp Association and CDC are coming up with guidelines. In following what other camps are doing, some have already decided not to operate this summer, some are modifying sessions and starting later or with smaller groups, and some are planning to operate their regular sessions. The majority (including mine) are waiting to make decisions until we get more guidance from authorities and see what's happening with the Coronavirus. So much depends on what happens with the pandemic and when states allow larger gatherings. So... I'm sorry I can't be more helpful. If your kids have a camp they attend, you could contact them directly and see what they're planning. A "normal" summer would be so nice right about now! Take Care, Audrey

Show notes & links. In this episode, Audry is joined by Alyssa Westring, co-author of Parents Who Lead: The Leadership Approach You Need to Parent with Purpose, Fuel Your Career, and Create a Richer Life. Alyssa is an associate professor of management at the Driehaus College of Business, DePaul University, and has studied organizational psychology, particularly work-life integration. Parenting life isn't easy and many people feel guilty, stressed, and on autopilot, instead of being present with their families at the end of a busy workday. It is possible for parents to harness the powerful science of leadership in order to thrive in all aspects of their lives. Big Ideas Parents Who Lead was co-authored with Stuart Friedman, who wrote Total Leadership. Westring and Friedman took the leadership principles that were more individual-focused and applied them, along with some new research, to parenting. They look at what it means to be a total leader and a leader in all parts of life. Parents can be just as intentional about seeking purpose in parenting as they are about seeking fulfillment in their careers. For the past 3 years, she has focused on working parents and discovering ways they can parent more effectively and thrive in their careers and personal lives. Her research asks: How do we help people make better choices about balancing work and family? How do we help organizations make better policies? How do we influence these things on a national level and on a global level? She shares the "Four Way View." We think of these four domains of our lives as if they are four buckets: career - work or school family - kids, partner, extended family community - friends, neighbors, religious or political organizations self - mind, body, and spirit Looking for four-way wins means not settling for changes in one part of your life that make things worse in another. When you're overwhelmed, ask yourself: How important is it? How much time and energy am I spending on it? How am I doing? How satisfied am I?  Look at how all of those pieces fit into the puzzle of your life. This reveals opportunities to make things better across domains, not just in one. What are the values that you hope define this moment in your lives, as an individual and as a family? How do our values impact the choices we make on a daily basis? When parents realize they can assert more control and achieve better outcomes for themselves and others, they feel less overwhelmed. Mental health improves when parents learn how to pursue four-way wins. Quotes Audrey: "A lot of what I teach parents and what I've learned is from leadership and working to get your company on the same page culturally, creating a positive culture." Audrey: "At work, we're often so much better about stepping back and doing strategic planning once a year, looking at what's going well, what's not going well, having weekly meetings. There's so much structure usually in our careers but often we forget to apply those same principles at home." Alyssa: "Many dual-career couples are so enlightened about what great leadership looks like at work and then they get home they turn into these annoying micromanagers. We forget all of that good stuff that we learned about how to inspire other people, get them on board, and create a shared vision and culture. We just abandon it when we walk into the house." Alyssa: "It's a skill that we have and we just have to turn it on. And if you don't have it, and you're learning how to do it at home, that makes you better in your job, as well. Because then you know how to communicate and set goals and check in with people. It's a win-win." Alyssa: "Many of us are operating on autopilot (especially in pre-pandemic times.) We have a sense that we want things to be better, but we don't know how to change it. We don't know what to do to make it better. The Four-Way View is a tool that we use to take stock of the present. It will reveal opportunities to make things better in a way where you're not just sacrificing one thing to get more of another." Alyssa: "Our default assumption is that if we want our work to be better then we'd better take time away from sleep or from parenting or from friends. Taking the Four-Way View starts to help you think about how the different parts of your life are interconnected." Audrey: "Many parents have become so overwhelmed just getting through the day, getting their kids where they need to be, getting to work, that people don't have as close of neighborhoods. Most people don't have a religious affiliation or any kind of outside group that they connect with. I'm wondering if this pandemic is going to change that at all because it just makes it even more clear how we all need each other and nobody can do this alone." Alyssa: "I think the community is at the forefront of our minds right now because we are social distancing for the greater good, for our communities, for our society. We're aware of the sacrifices that we're making for other people in a way that's much more straightforward than normal. Yet I think we assume that we need to feel more isolated because we're physically isolated." Alyssa: "If as a family we care about showing gratitude, then that can be woven into anything that you do." Audrey: "Sometimes parents don't realize that they haven't communicated their values." Alyssa: "A lot of people feel like they don't have the time, they're too busy for these sorts of conversations, whether it's with kids or coworkers or community members of friends. We've found that it does seem to save them time and increase their happiness in the long run. It really does pay off, even if it's sort of hard to get on board with sacrificing some time upfront." Audrey: "What an opportunity we have when we don't have sports and we don't have anything going on to maybe take this time to clarify a little bit what our values are for this time and this season." Resources Values List: Pick your top values as an individual and as a family. On The Web: www.ParentsWhoLead.net Alyssa Westring is the Vincent de Paul Associate Professor of Management and Entrepreneurship at DePaul University's Driehaus College of Business. She earned her Ph.D. in organizational psychology from Michigan State University in 2007. She is the Director of Research for Total Leadership. In addition to her research on work-life topics, she is a scholar of women's careers and leadership. She is an award-winning educator and DePaul's inaugural Presidential Fellow. Westring lives in Chicago and has two young children. Her TEDx talk, "The Secret Life of a Work-Life Insider," is about motherhood, and the Time magazine cover story she was interviewed for was about millennial parents. Alyssa's TED Talk One Simple Thing This week's One Simple Thing came from listener Gail, who shared the idea of practicing "Thoughtful Thursdays" with kids. One day a week (Thursdays work because of the nice alliteration), have your kids send a drawing or note to one of their classmates. Perhaps your kids can start a trend in their school just like Gail's grandchildren have! My Favorite From Six Daily Questions to Ask Yourself in Quarantine, by Brooke Anderson for the Greater Good Science Center: Listener Question How do I stay calm while balancing parenting my three kids (ages 14, 12, & 6)? 10 Ways to Teach Our Kids to Calm Down

Show notes & links. Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. has encouraging advice to share during COVID-19. We talked in January (Ep. 121: The Power of Showing Up with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson) about her new book with Dr. Daniel Siegel, The Power of Showing Up, and the message of the book is so relevant to our intense time with our kids during this pandemic. We chatted again last week (during Week 4 of "Iso for the Rona") on a Facebook Live interview. This week's podcast is the audio from that interview. Big Ideas During hard times, it's easy to focus on what's going wrong instead of what's going right. We all need to find ways to stay sane and grounded. Some ideas are: gratitude practices, physical exercise, being in nature, and finding ways to connect with your loved ones. Showing up and being present for your children is one of the best predictors for future success, as well as for overall health and wellbeing. The four S's help to promote secure attachment, helping kids feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure. It is during insecure times like these that our biological attachment system compels us to connect with people in our lives who help us to feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure. Just being present for your child is enough. Parents need to work on their own emotional balance, resilience, insight, and empathy and that work will carry over and strengthen their relationships. Ep. 95: Raising a Yes Brain Child with Tina Payne Bryson Quotes Tina: "I love my work, but I love being at home. So I'm really cherishing this time and I go a little stir crazy at times." Tina: "I felt like I was going to go crazy yesterday for a little while and I just went outside without even a purpose. I just went and followed my dog's lead, outside in the fresh air." Audrey: "Parents are being inundated with so much right now, it can be overwhelming." Audrey: "Isn't it fortuitous that the Power of Showing Up just came out?" Tina: "The message of the book is even more germane now. The idea in the book is based on 50 years of attachment research that says one of the best predictors for how well kids turn out is that they have someone who shows up for them, or what's called a secure attachment." Tina: "The whole purpose of the attachment system in mammals is that during distress, fear, terror, and danger, that's when our attachment system is activated. That's when we have the biological drive to go to someone who will help give us the 4 S's." Tina: "It is our attachment system that sets us up to be resilient in the face of exactly this type of thing." Tina: "One of the main messages I want to give teachers and parents is, first of all, you don't have to be perfect. We're all going to mess up at times. We're all going to be fearful, we're going to be grumpy. Just repair and move on." Tina: "Just by you walking through this with your child, even in imperfect ways, you're doing it. What your kids need most from you is YOU." Tina: "I'm going to focus on helping my kids feel safe, seen and soothed and just being present to them. And that's all I need to be doing. That's more than good enough parenting." Audrey: "I think that it's an important thing for people to understand that we are all people with our own feelings going on, though this and every other time, and you give the guidance of what we need to do for ourselves, too." Tina: "We all need people who help us feel safe, seen, soothed and secure. That's a message that's really important to tell parents." Tina: "We sacrifice so much for our kids and that mammalian need to be connected and have people show up to us, is not just for our kids, it's for us, too." Audrey: "There are simple things we can do just to let our kids know that, 'we're here with you and we're going to be okay.'" Tina: "When your kid is complaining, it activates a fear or threat response and it's really annoying but if we can really just be present to our child's experience and say, 'it's frustrating, isn't it? It's not like it used to be. It's such a bummer we have to do this right now, isn't it?' Just keep it simple." Tina: "But if we respond to our children's complaining with argument or criticism, and say, 'you should be grateful.' we are actually criticizing them for sharing what they're feeling. So our kids will make that association...and stop sharing how they feel." Watch Tina's Video Messages for Teachers & Parents During COVID-19 A Message for Parents from Tina Payne Bryson, PhD on Vimeo. https://vimeo.com/399730541 2 Things that Increase Chronic Stress & 2 Things that Reduce it in Our Kids from Tina Payne Bryson, PhD on Vimeo. https://vimeo.com/402633303 Fear Messaging vs. Safety Messaging from Tina Payne Bryson, PhD on Vimeo. https://vimeo.com/402467778 Access Tina's Resources for Coping with the Coronavirus Watch Tina & Audrey's chat on video One Simple Thing This week's one simple thing tip is to create a gratitude wall or board using sticky notes. Each family member can have their own "color" sticky note, and you can each put up at least one sticky note per day with something you're grateful for. More gratitude resources: Flourish: A Visionary Understanding of Happiness & Wellbeing, Dr. Martin Seligman A Grateful Family is a Happy Family: 5 Gratitude Practices Ep. 63: Growing Gratitude with Sara Kuljis Ep. 114: Precursors to Gratitude Raising Grateful, Not Entitled, Kids Growing Gratitude My Favorite I love all of the Soul Pancake videos, which also include the fun Kid President series. If you need some inspiration, check out Soul Pancake's YouTube channel. Listener Question How should I respond when my child is complaining about unimportant, seemingly selfish things during this pandemic? Validate their feelings! I made a short video about the importance of validating and not dismissing our kids' feelings: Related Ep. 121: The Power of Showing Up with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson Ep. 95: Raising a Yes Brain Child with Tina Payne Bryson Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults (Foreword by Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.)