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Today, on Karl and Crew, we wrapped up our weekly theme of Chivalry with a conversation about the common disconnects in a marital relationship with Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a best-selling author, podcaster, blogger, and popular speaker. She was formerly an analyst on Wall Street, and she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening and life-changing truths about personal and work relationships. She has authored several books, including “For Women Only” and “For Men Only.” We also talked with Mandy Arioto about MomCo, the nonprofit organization that encourages and equips Moms of young children. Mandy is the President and CEO of The MomCo, and she is well-known for her unique takes on parenting, relationships, spiritual, and cultural issues. She is a well-known speaker nationally and internationally as well as an author. She has authored several books, including “Have More Fun: How to Be Remarkable, Stop Feeling Stuck, and Start Enjoying Life.” You can hear the highlights of today’s program on Karl and Crew Showcast.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/morningshowSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today, on Karl and Crew, we wrapped up our weekly theme of Chivalry with a conversation about the common disconnects in a marital relationship with Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a best-selling author, podcaster, blogger, and popular speaker. She was formerly an analyst on Wall Street, and she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening and life-changing truths about personal and work relationships. She has authored several books, including “For Women Only” and “For Men Only.” We also talked with Mandy Arioto about MomCo, the nonprofit organization that encourages and equips Moms of young children. Mandy is the President and CEO of The MomCo, and she is well-known for her unique takes on parenting, relationships, spiritual, and cultural issues. She is a well-known speaker nationally and internationally as well as an author. She has authored several books, including “Have More Fun: How to Be Remarkable, Stop Feeling Stuck, and Start Enjoying Life.” You can hear the highlights of today’s program on Karl and Crew Showcast.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/morningshowSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today, on Karl and Crew, we wrapped up our weekly theme of Chivalry with a conversation about the common disconnects in a marital relationship with Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a best-selling author, podcaster, blogger, and popular speaker. She was formerly an analyst on Wall Street, and she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening and life-changing truths about personal and work relationships. She has authored several books, including “For Women Only” and “For Men Only.” We also talked with Mandy Arioto about MomCo, the nonprofit organization that encourages and equips Moms of young children. Mandy is the President and CEO of The MomCo, and she is well-known for her unique takes on parenting, relationships, spiritual, and cultural issues. She is a well-known speaker nationally and internationally as well as an author. She has authored several books, including “Have More Fun: How to Be Remarkable, Stop Feeling Stuck, and Start Enjoying Life.” You can hear the highlights of today’s program on Karl and Crew Showcast.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/morningshowSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today, on Karl and Crew, we wrapped up our weekly theme of Chivalry with a conversation about the common disconnects in a marital relationship with Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a best-selling author, podcaster, blogger, and popular speaker. She was formerly an analyst on Wall Street, and she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening and life-changing truths about personal and work relationships. She has authored several books, including “For Women Only” and “For Men Only.” We also talked with Mandy Arioto about MomCo, the nonprofit organization that encourages and equips Moms of young children. Mandy is the President and CEO of The MomCo, and she is well-known for her unique takes on parenting, relationships, spiritual, and cultural issues. She is a well-known speaker nationally and internationally as well as an author. She has authored several books, including “Have More Fun: How to Be Remarkable, Stop Feeling Stuck, and Start Enjoying Life.” You can hear the highlights of today’s program on Karl and Crew Showcast.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/morningshowSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today, on Karl and Crew, we wrapped up our weekly theme of Chivalry with a conversation about the common disconnects in a marital relationship with Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a best-selling author, podcaster, blogger, and popular speaker. She was formerly an analyst on Wall Street, and she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening and life-changing truths about personal and work relationships. She has authored several books, including “For Women Only” and “For Men Only.” We also talked with Mandy Arioto about MomCo, the nonprofit organization that encourages and equips Moms of young children. Mandy is the President and CEO of The MomCo, and she is well-known for her unique takes on parenting, relationships, spiritual, and cultural issues. She is a well-known speaker nationally and internationally as well as an author. She has authored several books, including “Have More Fun: How to Be Remarkable, Stop Feeling Stuck, and Start Enjoying Life.” You can hear the highlights of today’s program on Karl and Crew Showcast.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/morningshowSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
SHAUNTI BUS CRAWL PROMO (MASTERMIND X MASTER THORNY) by Mastermind Master Studio
In Part 2 of their interview with Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how the little things truly matter in marriage. We discuss the importance of believing the best about our spouse and why we need a combination of quality and quantity time together. Scriptures:1 Peter 3:9Rom 2:4Phil 4:8 Questions to Discuss:What are some small changes you can make in your marriage that could make a big difference?How do you and your spouse do at believing the best about your spouse's intentions?How can you create more quality and quantity time together with your spouse? Resources:Book - The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference, by Shaunti FeldhahnShaunti's Website – Shaunti.comFollow Shaunti on InstagramFollow Brian on InstagramMarried With Benefits Podcast (FamilyLife Network)Podcast - I Wish You Could Hear This with Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn
In Part 1 of a 2-Part interview, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott interview Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins about the small things that make all the difference in marriage. In Part 1 we discuss the myth that 50% of all marriages end in divorce and why it's harmful to perpetuate this myth Scriptures:1 Cor 13:13Hebrews 3:131 Cor 7:28 Questions to Discuss:How can you build your sense of hope in your marriage?What would you tell a young couple before they get married? How would you encourage or challenge them?What are some ways you need to change the way you talk about marriage with others? Resources:Shaunti's Website – Shaunti.comFollow Shaunti on InstagramFollow Brian on InstagramMarried With Benefits Podcast (FamilyLife Network)Podcast - I Wish You Could Hear This with Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn
In today's episode, Jenilee sits down with best-selling author and relationship researcher Shaunti Feldhahn to dive deep into the differences between men and women in relationships, focusing THIS time on how men can understand their woman better... truly!Shaunti shares her journey from Wall Street analyst to best-selling author, the science behind emotional security, and the key gestures that help women feel loved and valued. If you've ever wondered why men and women approach their relationship so differently, or how small actions can make a big impact especially for women, this episode is a must-listen!Key Takeaways:Shaunti's Journey & Workplace Insights: From Wall Street to relationship research, Shaunti shares how understanding human behavior is crucial in relationships and the workplace.Understanding Gender Differences in Love: Men and women perceive love differently—women often need daily reassurance, while men may not realize this ongoing need.How Men & Women Process Thoughts Differently: Using a computer analogy, Shaunti explains how men focus on one thing at a time while women juggle multiple thoughts, impacting communication and emotional needs.Emotional Security Matters More Than Money: Shaunti shares the high percentage of married women that prioritize emotional security over financial stability. Small daily gestures build this security.Top Five Gestures for Emotional Security: Simple actions like holding hands, affectionate messages, and genuine compliments can strengthen a relationship.Managing Men's Moods in Relationships: A man's emotional state significantly affects his partner, and learning to shift out of negativity can strengthen relationships.Understanding Sexual Desire Differences: Shaunti explains how most women have receptive desire, not initiating desire, and how couples can navigate this for a better connection.Resources & Links:Get Shaunti's book, "For Men Only", the companion book to "For Women Only"Learn more about Shaunti's research at Shaunti.com----------------------------------------------• Get Jen's "Hearing God's Voice for Everyday Life" Journal that was created for YOU on Amazon! : https://a.co/d/6aea4Dg
Get Jen's book that was created for YOU on Amazson! :https://a.co/d/6aea4Dg
Men and women are different, and when it comes to marriage, this is very clear to bothhusband and wife. If you're like most men, you would likely agree that having a happy, healthyrelationship with your wife is not always easy. In fact, you may find yourself feeling a bit lostwhen it comes to understanding how to make things better. And we all have room forimprovement.In this episode, Terry – the imperfect guy with an imperfect marriage and years of experiencethat have helped him gain perfect wisdom about becoming a better husband – wants to giveyou practical advice to begin improving your marriage today. Be prepared to take notes so youwon't miss any of the seven tips that can equip you to take simple steps in the right direction.And you can start practicing them now, so don't settle for a frustrating cycle of not knowingwhere to begin or how to approach your journey to becoming a better husband. Listen andlearn…and man-up in your marriage!To check out the book Terry mentioned by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn that will give you insightsinto the soul of your wife, visit https://www.amazon.com/Men-Only-Straightforward-Guide-Inner/dp/B0035G04Q6.Visit www.manupadventure.com for more resources that will help you be the best man you canbe. You can also register for Man Up Adventure Camp 2025 and sign up to receive the MorningMan-Up Survival Tips Email List. You'll receive a daily email filled with tips, motivation,Scripture, and more to kickstart your workday!
What would you call a marriage where spouses see “eye to eye” about money? Some might call it bliss.It's true that most couples at least occasionally quarrel about their finances. But could a better understanding of each other's values help spouses avoid that bickering? Shaunti Feldhahn thinks so, and she joins us today to talk about it.Shaunti Feldhahn is a Harvard graduate, former Wall Street analyst, social researcher, best-selling author, as well as a prominent public speaker. She is the co-author of Thriving in Love and Money: 5 Game-Changing Insights about Your Relationship, Your Money, and Yourself with her husband, Jeff, and has written several books with him revealing impactful truths about relationships at home and in the workplace.A Lesson Learned Over DinnerShaunti and her husband, Jeff, learned this lesson early in their marriage. Living in New York, they often ate out due to their demanding schedules. However, a seemingly small issue—ordering a Diet Coke—would trigger recurring arguments. Jeff, concerned about their financial future and mounting student loan debt, saw the expense as unnecessary, while Shaunti viewed it as a simple enjoyment that enhanced her meal.It wasn't until years later, during their research for their book Thriving in Love & Money, that they realized their conflict stemmed from differing values. Jeff prioritized financial security, while Shaunti valued the experience and enjoyment of a meal. Once they uncovered this, they could better communicate and honor each other's perspectives.The Root of Money Conflicts in MarriageFinancial disagreements often arise because couples fail to recognize and respect each other's values. In Shaunti and Jeff's national study, they found that:67% of couples in financial conflicts believe their perspective is the logical one.Couples often perceive their spouse's spending habits as irrational simply because they prioritize different things.For example, one spouse might see value in spending money on a gym membership for networking and health benefits, while the other might believe household essentials from Costco are a better use of resources. The key takeaway? Neither perspective is wrong—both are rooted in deeply held values.The Power of CommunicationThe solution to money conflicts isn't just budgeting or financial planning; it's communication. It's crucial that couples discuss not just what they want to spend money on, but why it matters to them.By having open and honest conversations about financial priorities, couples can:Build mutual understanding and trust.Find compromises that respect both perspectives.Create a financial plan that aligns with their shared goals and values.While couples can work through these issues on their own, it can be very beneficial to seek guidance from financial advisors—especially those with a biblical perspective. Kingdom Advisors, for example, are trained to address not just the numbers, but the relational and spiritual aspects of money management.Advisors can help couples navigate tough conversations, align their financial goals with their values, and ultimately steward their resources in a way that honors God and strengthens their marriage.At the heart of every financial decision in marriage lies an opportunity—to foster unity rather than division. God cares just as much about the marriage as He does about the finances. By understanding and honoring each other's values, couples can turn money from a source of conflict into an instrument of peace and purpose.Faithful Steward: FaithFi's New Quarterly PublicationTo dive deeper into this topic, read Shaunti Feldhahn's full article in the first edition of Faithful Steward, FaithFi's new quarterly publication. Receive your copy delivered to your mailbox every quarter by becoming a FaithFi partner with a monthly gift of $35 or an annual contribution of $400. Learn more at FaithFi.com/give.On Today's Program, Rob Answers Listener Questions:I'm 65 years old and have a traditional IRA with a little over $1 million. I'm wondering if I should start converting some of that traditional IRA to a Roth IRA since I'll be required to take required minimum distributions (RMDs) when I turn 73.My husband is not a believer and doesn't believe in tithing; he thinks it's a scam. I tithe 10% and save 10%, but he won't give any of his money to the church. How can I help him understand that giving to the church is not a scam and can be a blessing?Resources Mentioned:Faithful Steward: FaithFi's New Quarterly PublicationThriving in Love and Money: 5 Game-Changing Insights about Your Relationship, Your Money, and Yourself by Shaunti and Jeff FeldhahnMaster Your Money: A Step-by-Step Plan for Experiencing Financial Contentment by Ron Blue with Michael BlueLook At The Sparrows: A 21-Day Devotional on Financial Fear and AnxietyRich Toward God: A Study on the Parable of the Rich FoolFind a Certified Kingdom Advisor (CKA) or Certified Christian Financial Counselor (CertCFC)FaithFi App Remember, you can call in to ask your questions most days at (800) 525-7000. Faith & Finance is also available on the Moody Radio Network and American Family Radio. Visit our website at FaithFi.com where you can join the FaithFi Community and give as we expand our outreach.
In this episode, Chris and Alisa Grace explore the complex and often misunderstood topic of expectations in marital intimacy. They welcome special guests Shaunti Feldhahn, an award-winning author and social researcher, and Brian Goins, Senior Director of Strategic Projects at FamilyLife. Together, they delve into the dynamics of initiating and receptive desire, the impact of communication, and practical ways couples can foster understanding and intimacy.Key Discussion Points:The common question of "how often?" and why there's no universal answer.The importance of understanding different desire types: initiating, receptive, and resistant.How unspoken expectations and lack of communication can lead to frustration and disappointment.Practical advice for navigating differences in desire and building stronger connections through communication and empathy.Insights from Shaunti and Brian's work, including data-driven strategies for healthy conversations about intimacy.Resources Mentioned:"Secrets of Sex & Marriage" by Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. Michael Sytsma – A book offering eight surprising insights to improve marital intimacy. Learn more and purchase.Married with Benefits Podcast – Discussions on intimacy, communication, and expectations in marriage. Listen here.FamilyLife's Instagram – instagram.com/familylifeinsta.Shaunti Feldhahn's Instagram – instagram.com/shauntifeldhahn.Axis.org – Tools and resources for parents to have conversations about technology, relationships, and more. Visit Axis.Connect with Us:Website: cmr.biola.eduFacebook: facebook.com/biolacmrInstagram: instagram.com/biolacmrYouTube: youtube.com/@biola-cmrJoin the Conversation:Subscribe to The Art of Relationships Podcast to never miss an episode.Leave a review on your favorite podcast platform to help others discover the show.Share this episode with someone who could benefit from these relationship insights.Sign up for weekly updates and resources from the Center for Marriage and Relationships! Subscribe here.About the Hosts:Chris Grace, Ph.D., and Alisa Grace are passionate about helping people build and sustain healthy relationships. As leaders of the Biola University Center for Marriage and Relationships, they combine the wisdom of Scripture with scholarly research to offer practical advice and insights. Learn more about their work at cmr.biola.edu.
How many books has Shaunti Feldhahn written? Nobody knows. However, she was kind enough to hitchhike over to Dadville and meet up with the fellas for a data-driven discussion on sex and intimacy. She breaks down the different types of desires and offers a handful of ideas you can try to increase intimacy in your relationships. Check out Shaunti: https://shaunti.com/ Join us: http://dadville.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Sherri Crandall chats with Shaunti Feldhahn, author, social researcher and spokesperson for Compassion International, about the big impact of the little things.You can connect with Compassion at themom.co/compassion. You can connect with Shaunti on Instagram or her website, shaunti.com.Sign up for MomCo Membership today!Learn more about The MomCo!Find a group online or in person near you.We'd love to connect with you. Send us a direct message on Instagram or Facebook or email us at leaders@themom.co
In this episode, hosts Jeff Norris and Laura Story Elvington engage with social researcher and author Shaunti Feldhahn to explore the concept of kindness as a transformative force in relationships and society. They discuss the 30-Day Kindness Challenge, emphasizing how our treatment of others significantly impacts our own well-being and relationships. The conversation also delves into the importance of kindness in civic engagement, especially during politically-charged times, and encourages listeners to embrace kindness as a core aspect of the Christian life. Learn more about Shaunti's work on her website: shaunti.com, or take the The 30-Day Kindness Challenge at JoinTheKindnessChallenge.com. Related resources: - Subscribe to our YouTube channel and hit the notification bell to get notified of new episodes.
I really appreciate taking a topic where we think we know what drives us, and discovering the motives are actually coming from somewhere else. It allows us to come into better alignment and realize more benefit. In this case, the concept is kindness. We think we should be kind because it's the right thing to do. And if we're kind, then others will reciprocate and be kind to us in return. It's usually under the “should” category of life. We “should” be kind. Especially to those we perceive as not so kind. Be kind to the person who cut you off in traffic. Be kind to the surly person behind the coffee counter. Be kind to your spouse who seems grumpy to you. When I'm interviewed on other podcasts, I'm often asked who some of my favorite guests have been or the most profound topics. I often cite Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a social researcher and best-selling author who investigates life-changing truths about relationships. I first got to know her through her book, “The Kindness Challenge – Thirty Days To Improve Any Relationship.” In it she uncovers that whether we thrive depends far more on how we choose to treat others than on how we ourselves are treated. The path to our happy place starts with one choice: whether or not to be kind. Especially when we really don't want to be. The punchline? Being kind benefits us far more than who we choose to be kind to. I had this conversation with Shaunti nearly seven years ago and here I am still talking about it today. As I keep bringing her message back up, I'm re-publishing our talk so you can hear Shaunti's full research. Find her at shaunti.com Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don't want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. kmiller@kevinmiller.co. Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial. Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer. Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout. Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
At Burnt Hickory, we care deeply about your marriage and we are thrilled to welcome Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn as our guest speakers this Sunday our marriage focus Sunday. They are internationally-renowned social researchers, and authors of best-selling books "For Men Only" and "For Women Only." With graduate degrees from Harvard the Feldhahns have been using their analytical backgrounds to help couples decode each other for more than 20 years. Special Guest: Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn.
Think of your toughest relationship. Think of a relationship that is good but could be great. Think of a group of people that drives you nuts. You want to show more kindness and generosity, but sometimes you're just tired, stretched, and frustrated. Besides, would small actions make that big a difference? Shaunti Feldhahn says, “Yes!” This social researcher did years of extensive research, and concluded that kindness is a superpower! It can change any relationship, make your life easier and better, and transform our culture. Turns out, you really can show kindness when you don't feel like it. Listen in and find out how The Kindness Challenge can make your toughest relationships better and your good relationships great—starting today. For more information on Shaunti's book: https://www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com/book
Guest Bios Show Transcript https://youtu.be/fFImYJWb2XUNancy French was once a darling of the GOP—and ghostwrote books, speeches, and articles for some of the leading conservative politicians. But then came Donald Trump's candidacy for president—something as both a Christian and a sex abuse survivor, Nancy says she could not support. Then, she was ghosted. In this edition of The Roys Report, Nancy French, a New York Times bestselling author and Christian conservative, recounts how she's been called some of the worst names in the book. Why? Simply because she and her husband, New York Times opinion columnist David French, refused to violate their convictions and promote Donald Trump. Even more egregious to some, Nancy published an article in the Washington Post explaining why, as a sex abuse survivor, she couldn't support a man who bragged about assaulting women. As a result, she lost every ghostwriting client she had. And she found herself unwelcome in her own tribe and her own church. But Nancy tells about much more in her book than just the events of the last few years. She tells about her humble beginnings, her sexual assault by a pastor who taught Vacation Bible School, and the dramatic change in her life when she met her husband, David French. Nancy French and her husband have been at the center of the major upheaval our nation has faced—as a new political paradigm invaded the church pews. As an abuse survivor and woman of conviction, Nancy courageously shares her story that has insights for every listener. Guests Nancy French Nancy French has collaborated on multiple books for celebrities - five of which made the New York Times best seller list. She has conducted a multi-year journalistic investigation, written commentary, and published for the nation's most prominent newspapers and magazines. She has written several books under her own name and tells her own story in Ghosted: An American Story. She lives in Franklin, Tennessee with her husband – journalist David French – and family. Learn more at NancyFrench.com. Show Transcript SPEAKERSJulie Roys, NANCY FRENCH Julie Roys 00:04Nancy French was once a darling of the GOP and ghostwrote books, speeches, and articles for some of the leading conservative politicians. But then came Donald Trump’s candidacy for president; something as both a Christian and a sex abuse survivor, Nancy couldn’t support. Then she was ghosted. Welcome to The Roys Report, a podcast dedicated to reporting the truth and restoring the church. I’m Julie Roys. And joining me today is Nancy French, a New York Times best-selling author, a Christian and a conservative who’s been called some of the worst names in the book. Why? Simply because she and her husband, New York Times opinion columnist David French, refused to violate their convictions and promote Donald Trump. Even more egregious to some, Nancy published an article in the Washington Post explaining why as a sex abuse survivor, she couldn’t support a man who bragged about assaulting women. As a result, she lost every ghostwriting client she had, and she found herself unwelcome in her own tribe and her own church. Nancy writes about all of this in her book Ghosted, which we’re offering this month to anyone who gives a gift of $50 or more to The Roys Report. And if you’d like to do that, just go to JULIEROYS.COM/DONATE. But Nancy tells about much more in her book than just the events of the last few years. She tells us about her humble beginnings, her sexual assault by a pastor who taught Vacation Bible School, and the dramatic change in her life when she met her husband, David French. I’m so excited to share both the book and this podcast with you. But first, I’d like to thank the sponsors of this podcast, Talbot Seminary and Marquardt of Barrington. Are you passionate about impacting the world so it reflects biblical ideals of justice? The Talbot School of Theology Doctor of Ministry program is launching a new track exploring the theological, social, and practical dimensions of biblical justice today. The program equips students with the knowledge, skills and spiritual foundation needed to address social issues with wisdom and compassion. Justice has become a key issue in our culture. But more importantly, it’s an issue that’s close to God’s heart. While it’s clear the Bible calls God’s people to pursue justice, we must be guided by his word within that pursuit. Talbot has created this track to do just that. As part of this program, you’ll examine issues such as trafficking, race, immigration, and poverty. And I’ll be teaching a session as well focusing on the right use of power in our churches, so we can protect the vulnerable rather than harm them. So join me and a community of like-minded scholars committed to social change and ethical leadership. Apply now at TALBOT.EDU/DMIN. Also, if you’re looking for a quality new or used car, I highly recommend my friends at Marquardt of Barrington. Marquardt is a Buick GMC dealership where you can expect honesty, integrity, and transparency. That’s because the owners there Dan and Kurt Marquardt, are men of character. To check them out. Just go to BUYACAR123.COM. Well again joining me is New York Times best-selling author Nancy French. As a ghostwriter, she’s written for a variety of people, from well-known politicians to celebrities. She’s also investigated and exposed widespread sexual and spiritual abuse at Kanakuk camp, America’s largest Christian camp, and her latest book Ghosted, tells her remarkable story of growing up in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains, marrying David French, a New York Times opinion columnist, becoming a ghostwriter for conservative political leaders. And then when she and her husband opposed Trump, getting kicked out by their own tribe and then becoming the target of white nationalists and Trump supporters. So Nancy, welcome, and it’s just such a privilege to have you. NANCY FRENCH 04:08 Thanks for having me on. This is fun. Julie Roys 04:11 And I know that this is not the best time for you to be doing a book tour. You’ve been very public about your struggle with cancer. And I know you’re going through chemo. And I just feel honored that you’d be willing to take the time in the middle of something like that to talk about this. So thank you. NANCY FRENCH 04:27 Yeah, no, thank you so much. Yes, I think I’ve done pretty well with all the interviews, even though I’m high as a kite on prednisone. And I haven’t said too many things that I maybe regretted later. But I’m very thankful to be able to have a book out. It just so happens, it’s in the middle of chemo. So this is gonna get real. Julie Roys 04:45 Yeah. Well, absolutely. And I was surprised when I read your book. I mean, you and David are kind of like this powerhouse couple. And yet, you had very humble beginnings. In fact, your grandparents lived in the mountains of Appalachia; you lived in the foothills because your parents moved. But again, they were interesting sort of rough and tumble group of people. In fact, your dad used to joke that your family was famous or maybe infamous is a better word. Tell us a little bit about that and the background of your family. NANCY FRENCH 05:19 Yeah, we get accused a lot of being like Washington, DC cocktail party elites or whatever. I don’t even go to Washington DC. I am from Tennessee. My parents are from Montego mountain. My grandfather was a coal miner. My dad did not graduate from high school. He got his GED. And he later in his 50s went back to college. But he went to college, he got a degree and amazing man. But yeah, from self-described hillbillies, and all that entails. And yeah, I wanted to sort of describe my upbringing, just so that people could understand that many times people will say, Well, you just don’t understand what true Americans think or you don’t understand what true Tennesseans think. And I always sort of in my mind laugh at that because I’m like, you can’t out Tennessee me. You can be an American and a real Tennessean and hold the beliefs that I hold, you know, so that’s one of the reasons why I wanted to describe that upbringing. I love my family. They’re amazing. They’re fierce. And I think some of that ferocity has been passed on to me and I just I love my hillbilly family. Julie Roys 06:32 And your part Cherokee Indian too? NANCY FRENCH 06:35 Yeah, we have a lot of Indian blood. So my grandmother was I think was 1/4. And that was Cherokee. And then my grandfather also had a different type of Montana Indian in him, which is interesting. But yeah, it was all mixed together. Julie Roys 06:52 So your dad broke from your family, moved to the foothills. Mayfield, Kentucky, which I know where that’s at. My dad actually lives near there now. But Mayfield, Kentucky, then eventually to Tennessee. Talk about the culture of the home that you grew up in, but also the town and sort of rural Tennessee and what that was like. NANCY FRENCH 07:16 So Paris, Tennessee, has a 16-foot-tall Eiffel Tower, Julie Roys 07:22 An Eiffel Tower. NANCY FRENCH 07:25 There’s a huge battle between Paris, Texas and Paris, Tennessee over this Eiffel Tower business. But Paris, Tennessee is an amazing place. I grew up near the lake, Kentucky lake. We have a 60-foot Eiffel Tower. It’s just a great place to grow up very rural. We did not necessarily value education in the way that you would think a school might. For example, in seventh grade, I did not have science class, but instead they decided because none of us were going to go to college, to teach us about guns and so we had hunter safety classes and that culminated in skeet shooting contest. Which, I don’t like to brag, I don’t like to but sometimes you got to. I was the best shot in my seventh-grade class. Which is interesting and funny, but that’s how I grew up; just complete redneck hillbilly sort of existence and I loved it. Like I love Paris, Tennessee. I love Montego mountain and I love Mayfield, Kentucky. Julie Roys 08:28 Well, it’s funny you say you lived in Paris, Kentucky. My parents for probably about 12 years lived in London, Kentucky, which you know, we didn’t know Kentucky at all. We grew up in Pennsylvania, but we thought it was kind of comical because it’s the least like London of any place I can think of in all of the United State. NANCY FRENCH 08:47 There’s also Versailles. Julie Roys 08:49 Versailles right. Not Versailles. But Versailles. 08:52 Yes. And there’s also a fence. Right. Yeah, it’s crazy. Love all these small towns. Julie Roys 08:59 Yeah, absolutely. One of the things that your dad did differently than your growing up or his growing up, I mean, he came from sort of a superstitious, it sounded like background very sort of animated with maybe tribal kind of religion. But then he became a part of the Church of Christ, and describe what that church was like, I mean, seems from your description, very conservative, but also kind of leaning towards the legalistic side. NANCY FRENCH 09:32 Yes, that is a very kind way of putting it, Julie. But I will say this, the church probably saved my dad. It’s like, saved his life saved his soul saved my, because he got off the mountain and he and my mother started going to church. They took us to church three times a week. It was just very wonderful and Norman Rockwell ish, you would think, but under the facade of that sweet small town, Southern church experience, there was a lot of abuse happening at my church. So I was abused by, there was one guy who was like a predator. And he abused 15 people in my church. I didn’t know about the other 14, I only knew about me. I only now know this in the process of writing the book, I figured this out. But I grew up sort of feeling isolated spiritually. And it made me feel differently about God. Previously, church was a cushion, the warm blanket, a place to lay your head. And then all of that was ripped away from me because of that abuse. And I became isolated and smoked cigarettes and painted my fingernails black and skipped church, and it just set me on a bad path. Julie Roys 10:43 And you were 12 years old when that happened? . 10:46 That’s right. And the preacher was 10 years older. Julie Roys 10:51 I read your book soon after I read Krista Browns book who of course, was sexually abused in her church as a child. I was actually stunned by the similarities between your story and her story. But I think that the thing that really struck me was the way that both of you internalized it. She internalized it, she called it an affair. How can you have an affair with your youth pastor when you’re an underage teen. You, similarly, you kind of took the guilt and shame on yourself. 11:27 I did. And I think this is common. This is like sort of an embarrassing book to write because it’s so I don’t know, like, actually, I shouldn’t even say that. I’m saying words that are shame full. Like I’m saying this is embarrassing, but I didn’t do anything wrong, right? Julie Roys 11:45 No, you didn’t. NANCY FRENCH 11:46 That’s what you think. And in the church with the purity culture sometimes, very well meaning poorly conceived theology. Which is, if you have a sexual sin, which by the way, you don’t, if you’re being abused, that’s not a sin, you’re not the one sinning. But if you’ve been compromised sexually, you’re ruined for the rest of your life. And I internalized that, and I thought that was right. And I also thought that this pastor, preacher, Vacation Bible School person, I thought he loved me, because I was 12. I didn’t know, I didn’t know anything about this. I just didn’t perceive it correctly. So I told myself the wrong story about this abuse almost my whole life. And so this book, though, there’s a lot more to it than just the abuse, obviously. This is me correcting the record for myself. But I wanted to do it publicly for all the people out there who feel guilty over stuff that they shouldn’t feel guilty over. And also, I became a complete mess after my abuse, and I wanted to show people that. Because what happens is you get embarrassed because you make a series of bad decisions and you look unsophisticated, you look immoral, you look like trash. And people will, they’ll look at you and they’ll say, that’s just trash, why are you listening to her? When in actuality, they should look at the damage that has been done to people in the church and repent about the way they’ve been handling abuse. And so I sort of wanted to put myself out there and say, Okay, y’all esteem me now, when I’m almost 50, because I’ve gotten my life together to the degree that I have, which I haven’t, but people esteem me. They don’t know about any of this. So I wanted to say, Okay, this is what it looks like, this is what I looked like. And I looked ridiculous. I was flailing, I was terrible in a lot of ways. You know, let’s talk about it. Julie Roys 13:45 I think that’s so helpful. Because especially now when we have as public figures, you have a curated image, and it’s often so different than the real image, right? Although I really appreciate it, you have been so real, I think, especially as you’ve been walking through your cancer, the treatments and everything. I’ve so appreciated that. I appreciate that today, you forgot your wig. And so you’re just wearing whatever, and a lot of people would be like, Oh, I can’t go on. But I love that because that’s where all of us are. We like to pretend we’re not. But that’s where all of us are, at least at different points in our life. And so I just, I appreciate that. And I’m sure there’s a lot of people listening, who appreciate that as well. It didn’t end with the violence and the abuse didn’t end with that Pastor whose name was Conrad as I recall, but you had a boyfriend then, Jacob, who unbelievable. I mean, who this man turned out to be and you were trying to break it off from him forever. That did remind me of boyfriends I’ve tried to break it off with and you couldn’t. But talk about what happened with Jacob and how that impacted you. NANCY FRENCH 15:03 So I tried to find solace outside the church, meaning in boyfriends, and I made a series of terrible mistakes. And I dated this one guy, who eventually, I actually, Julie, double crossed him. I was cheating on him to let the record show that I was not innocent in this. But it was like I could not break up with him, I didn’t have the backbone to break up with him. And every time I tried, he threatened to commit suicide. And I realize now how terrible that is. I didn’t know it at the time. But in one very terrible moment, he revealed that he knew I had been cheating on him, and he tried to kill me. And so that was a pretty dramatic moment, he tried to strangle me, and it was bad. And boy number two, the guy that I was dating, actually came and rescued me from the situation at the very last second, very wonderful. So that boyfriend number two realized that I was cheating on him. And that I was in duress in the same moment. And he immediately pivoted to try to help me, and he did. I’m very thankful for that. But all of that was the pre-David French romance, which you can imagine when I met David French, who is so levelheaded and calm and good and mora., I wanted that. And that’s what I got. So David French sort of helped put me back on track. And, yeah, I’ll be forever grateful to him over that. Julie Roys 16:35 Yeah, I was really struck by how big of a difference he made in your life. I mean, at this point, you’re a victim of two assaults. You’re just absolutely reeling. You’re going to Lipscomb University, which is a Church of Christ school. Although I thought it was interesting that you could not even go to chapel. You knew, if you didn’t go to chapel, you’re going to lose your scholarship. But you call it the positive theology that you couldn’t stomach at that point. I think this is actually good for Christians to hear. Because it’s still there in a lot of churches where it’s very, well just describe what that was, and how that struck you as somebody who’s been through the kind of abuse that you have been through. NANCY FRENCH 17:30 Yeah, I just had experienced so much. And then my best friend died. And in the same time period, and I was full of grief, though, I wasn’t even really properly processing. I wasn’t grieving the way you’re supposed to grieve. But I knew when I go into chapel, I was actually seeking answers, like, what do you do when you’re completely decimated by life? And the chapel speakers would be like, Hey, guys, we should be humble. Let me tell you about my little league game where I was pitching, and this happened. And I was just like, what is happening? This is so vacuous. I could not listen to this one more syllable. This is going to kill me. It felt like they were trying to kill me. And the reason why is because they didn’t have a doctrine of suffering. Right? Like I was really suffering. Not to mention the fact now that I realized that the Church of Christ leaders knew that I was being abused by this preacher and didn’t do anything. That’s a whole different level of stuff. The people at Lipscomb weren’t guilty of any of that. They were just nice people. And Lipscomb is really amazing. Like David works there. Now, David has always had a great experience there. But my experience there was I could not get down with this theology that I thought was vacuous. And it did not help. I needed help, like I need to help. I was suicidal, or something close to suicidal. So I needed help. And so those chapel talks were not going to cut it. And so I got called into the Dean of Students called me in and he was like, if you don’t go back to chapel, you’re losing everything. And I was like, I’ve lost everything. I don’t care. I never went back. But there’s something about this toxic positivity that I noticed with cancer, and here’s why. So whenever people find out that you have cancer immediately, they want to pray for your healing and for the cure. You have people at McDonald's stop and pray for your healing, which is very kind and sweet. But when I first got my diagnosis, my son, who’s a philosophy major, said there’s going to be beauty in this. Like, you have to keep your eyes open to see the beauty in this. And there’s, I have like, that was such an interesting, salient thing to say, because there’s so much to learn through disease and disability. Like looking like this. Like, I have no makeup on. I have no hair. In 1 million years would not have taken a picture and posted it to Facebook, let alone been on an interview with you a year ago looking like this. And I am so happy because I feel like, I don’t know, Julie, have maybe this is just me. I’m completely insecure. But I’m insecure my whole life. I’m almost 50 I’m insecure over the way I look. I’m insecure over cellulite, I’m over insecure over my weight, I’m insecure over my teeth that are equine looking. Like whatever you know. But what I’ll do as a ghostwriter, I’ll move in and help people write books about confidence. And so I was talking to my friend, Kim Gravelle, who has her own makeup line and fashion line on QVC. She’s a queen, amazing businesswoman. And we wrote a book called, Collecting Confidence, and I was talking to her, and she was like, you’re so confident I love seeing you. And I was like I faked all that. I completely faked all that. I can’t even imagine people who are confident, like I don’t even get that. But the cancer thing. Oh my gosh, it’s like it removed the vanity or something. And I don’t want to say vanity like it’s negative because we all you know, care what we look like, and it’s important. But I am not going to criticize my body again. I’m so thankful for it. And thankful for the way I look. I’m thankful for being bald because it allows me to connect with people in the most beautiful ways. Women who have cancer will send me pictures of their bald heads and they’re afraid to do it publicly. Some of them don’t even let their husbands see their bald heads. And so what I’m trying to do is normalize this, like this is okay, it’s okay to look like this. I probably won’t look like this forever. But it’s okay to look like this. And so when I’m doing my normal life, that’s not book promotion, typically, I just go bald. And people come up to me and they’re like, is this a fashion choice? Is this you know, like, what’s going on? Because I also tattooed my eyebrows on, because I’m not completely free of vanity. But anyway, it just opens up so much conversation and so whenever you’re faced with lament and grief and loss and abuse and death and disease and disability, you better have a doctrine of suffering. And you have to know how your faith intersects with that. And the good news is it intersects in a very beautiful way. With Christianity, we get back what we lose. It’s a beautiful thing. And I just love the fact that there’s so much truth and beauty even when we look like this. There’s still truth and beauty that we can tap into that is so much greater than my tattooed eyebrows, although on fleek. Julie Roys 23:05 Well, I think you look beautiful, even with a bald head. But I love that. I absolutely love that. And I love that sometimes when we go through, I was telling somebody this recently that sometimes when we go through really horrific things, the things that used to scare us, the things that used to be so daunting, now we’re like, now that I’ve gone through this, like, go ahead, make my day. I’m not afraid anymore. And I do think it’s a wonderful like, I’ve never been through cancer, so I don’t want to even pretend that I know what that’s like. But yeah, I do hear what you’re saying and suffering for believers is redemptive; it’s always redemptive in some way. And I think you’re right that we don’t talk about it nearly enough in the church. I want to get back to David, because again, he made this huge, huge difference in your life. And I just thought it was so beautiful how you wrote about him. But he really, I mean, here you are an absolute wreck. And I love how when you met him like you confronted him, because he’s the one who convinced you to go to Lipscomb. And you’re like, thanks a lot, you know, and you kind of laid into him. And yet he responded in such a gracious way and within. I mean, I don’t know if it was a few hours or days like he had led you to the Lord. NANCY FRENCH 24:27 Yeah, we had a very truncated experience dating, romantically and spiritually. He was sick. He had an incurable disease, which is a totally different story. So he was sick. We started dating, the second date, I realized I could marry this person. And then I think we were engaged within three months. I didn’t know him. He was like a complete stranger. But during that very brief amount of time he told me about Jesus. He was like he was telling me about the Holy Spirit because David French, New York Times columnist, was cured of an incurable disease, Okay? And that was in 95. And I got to see that happen. He weighed 100 pounds when we were dating, he was so sick. And maybe 120 I don’t know; he lost a ton of weight. But I got to see this miracle happen. And I didn’t believe in miracles. I didn’t believe in any of it. So he was telling me about that. And I was like, wow, I think I might need to know about whatever it is that you know about. And so he used CS Lewis to talk me through the Lord, lunatic or liar, those three options. And for those listening, CS Lewis was basically like, Jesus claimed to be the Son of God. Was he telling the truth? Was he insane? Or was he just lying? And I could not bring myself to say that Jesus Christ was lying. I just couldn’t. And so the only thing and I didn’t think he was a lunatic. So I was like, you know, I think Jesus was telling the truth. And that small thing changed my life, because I believed and David helped me believe, and it was very beautiful. So I write about that in the book. Julie Roys 26:11 Yeah. Lord, liar, lunatic. It’s a powerful argument. So simple, but so powerful. And yet a lot of people just have never, they’ve never thought deeply about it. And then you guys got married, in Paris, which is great. I won’t go into it because we don’t have time. But that was a great, great story. You moved to Manhattan. And then you, this hit me in a probably a different way than it would normally because I kind of lean charismatic. So I’m open to charismatic things, even though I would say, I grew up, my dad was a surgeon. So we were always, if you thought you were sick, it was kind of like, prove it. It was everything a little bit skeptical. And, as a journalist, we tend to be pretty skeptical too. But I read this about your encounter with a prophet. It was I guess; it was like a reunion of the Harvard Christian group that David had been a part of. And well, you were skeptical too. So tell about that experience, because it really is pretty mind blowing. NANCY FRENCH 27:23 Craziest story. I became a Christian. I have one inch of theological belief, which is I believe Jesus Christ is Lord, all in You. And the Harvard Law School Christian fellowship was having a reunion. And we went, and by the way, I don’t want to go hang out with a bunch of people who graduated from Harvard, right? Because, a three-time college dropout. I don’t want to hang out with these people. I’m intimidated. Everybody is so smart. And also, when you grow up in the way that I grew up, you’re taught that people who believe in the Holy Spirit and Pentecostals or charismatics are low class, they’re unsophisticated, they’re not smart. They’re given to emotion. So here I am going into the Harvard Law School Christian Fellowship. So they’re smarter than I am. They get paid a lot of money to evaluate documents, and the Bible is a document. And David was like, Yeah, I think they invited a prophet, and I was like, What is a prophet? Is this like a psychic? Like I don’t have a category for this. And so we go to the thing, and I was apprehensive because, Julie, I don’t know if this is a sign of a guilty conscience. 100% It is. But if you talk to a prophet, I was thinking that he would say, Well, you don’t read your Bible. You don’t pray, your main to whatever, you know, like whatever you kick the dog, whatever, like he could read my mail. So I didn’t want to talk to a prophet either. So anyway, we go to the thing. Gary has on a Hawaiian shirt. He’s smelly, he has a hairy belly, and I can see the bottom of it. It’s insane. I’m like, okay, so this is Gary the Prophet. Okay, whatever. So Gary the Prophet, y’all gotta read this, it’s the craziest thing that ever happened. But he goes to the people at the Harvard Law School Christian Fellowship, and I thought he would say to Harvard Law people, Oh, you struggle with pride? Or oh, I don’t know, you’ve got so much intelligence. I don’t know what you’d say to Harvard people. I’m not a Harvard person, as you can tell. But that’s not what he did. He went around the room and read to like, spoke into their lives. So for example, I don’t know if you know Shaunti Feldheim. She’s a Christian. Shaunti was there, and her husband Jack, and I use their names in the book. And later I was like, Hey, I used your name in the book with this crazy thing because they were there and they had this crappy car that Shaunti and Jeff, like, they were the only people in New York City who had the car of our friend group. So they were very nice to let us use the car, but it was a freaking jalopy, and they were always in fights over it. And so, but Gary looked at Jeff and Shaunti and spoke to them about this car. And I was like, what? So you got a chance to talk to a prophet. He’s giving you automobile advice, that’s weird. And then he went to other people, and he talked to another friend who secretly had written poetry and he said, “You know the poetry right secretly? It’s time to do this was like literary advice. I was like, what is happening, Gary the Prophet? So then Gary the prophet looked at me, and he was like you, and I was like, Oh, my gosh, this is gonna be so bad. And he called me up. And he told me, he said, you’re pregnant. And I was like, No, I’m not. Julie, this is TMI, but this is what’s happening. I was on my period, and I told him that, and he looked at me, I said, it is impossible, because I wanted everyone in this Harvard Law School Christian fellowship to realize they’ve been duped by a con man. And so I was like, defiant, like, No, I’m on my period. I’m not pregnant. And he just laughed at me. And he was like, with God, all things are possible. But this is what you need to know, you are pregnant, you are carrying a girl, she’s going to come this year, she’s going to have physical problems, here is five Bible verses that you need to know. When they tell you that you’re aborting, don’t believe it, you’re gonna have a healthy baby. And all is gonna be well just remember these words. And I was like, okay, Gary, the Prophet. This is weird because I wasn’t pregnant, right? But he scared me to death. So I go home, and my period stops. And I think, you know, this is weird. I think he’s scared me into not having a period. Gary the prophet is the worst prophet ever. And then later, though, like I took a pregnancy test, and I was pregnant. Apparently, the bleeding that I thought was my period was implantation. And Gary the prophet knew this. And lo and behold, a few months later, the doctor calls and he says, “You are miscarrying. You’re aborting call off the parties. But they gave me a due date in January. I knew that wasn’t the case, because he said that she was going to come this year, and I also knew the gender. So talking about gender reveal party, Gary the Prophet, you did not need that. And Camille was born. And she’s amazing. And right now this second, she’s 13 floors up. She’s got two of my grandchildren, that she’s given birth to; cute, wonderful, beautiful kids. And we’ve seen God’s hand in Camille’s life and all of our lives in such dramatic ways. And that cured me of being skeptical of the Holy Spirit. My book is called Ghosted, not just because I’m a celebrity ghostwriter, or because vast friend groups have ghosted me for my political decisions. But also I wanted it to encourage people to really consider the Holy Ghost, to consider God, because He will not let you down even though everyone else will. Julie Roys 33:03 I never said why I’m a little more skeptical than I used to be. And it’s because of what’s happening at the International House of Prayer. Just, and of course, I mean, this is the umpteenth. I don’t know how many scandals I’ve covered since I’ve started The Roys Report. I mean, it’s just been one after another after another. But this particular one, I think is especially gross, because prophecy was used to manipulate and then abuse women. And then we have this prophetic history that now some of the key facts in it have been debunked. And it just seems like it was used in such a manipulative way. And so I’m trying to figure out why God? Like why do you even like, is that real? Like when people get because I remember, I used to be in the Vineyard, and I remember hearing stories, and I remember miraculous things happening. And then you go to a church where they don’t expect that to happen, and guess what? It doesn’t, you know, kind of like the Holy Spirit doesn’t work in ways that our faith doesn’t allow it to, sometimes, but it was good for me to hear it. NANCY FRENCH 34:17 I think that’s a very interesting point. And it’s important to say it, because the charismatic church has really, really messed up with this Donald Trump prophecy stuff. Julie Roys 34:29 Oh, my goodness, yeah. NANCY FRENCH 34:31 They’ve gone off the rails. And so what do you do like if you’re a Christian person, and this is not just for charismatic people or Pentecostal people, but all white evangelicals who are going to church where the egregious evil is overlooked because of political positions? What do you do? And so that’s the thing I don’t I don’t even go to a Pentecostal church. I just really believe that there’s a lot of counterfeit stuff happening, with all these prophecies, political prophecies. But if it’s counterfeit, that indicates there’s something true. Right? So it’s a mimicry of something good. And so I would just encourage, I don’t know how to do it. I’m not doing church right. I’m completely a mess; I’m hanging on to Christianity by my freaking fingernails. And ever since I got the cancer diagnosis, I can’t really go to church, I’ve gone like twice in seven months. However, I feel so warmly towards God. And I feel like he’s got me. In spite of all of this, I just feel so thankful to God. And I don’t understand God. So when I wrote this book, one of my intentions was to never be invited by a church to come speak on the book at a church. And I think I probably pulled that off, the invitations are not rolling in Julie. And that’s because I don’t understand God. So I’m just telling you the truth. This is what happened to me, there was a guy named Gary, and he had a hairy belly, and a Hawaiian shirt. And he was completely right about the trajectory of my life. And we recorded it because he said, If I’m a false prophet, you’ll be able to say that I’m a false prophet. I’m recording everything I say to you. And there’s some things that haven’t happened yet that I 100% know are going to happen in our lives. Then David and I joke about it all the time because it’s just so crazy. But it feels crazy. But it happened, and I’ve got a kid upstairs, who is alive. And so many things like that happen. And sometimes things happen that you don’t get that aren’t as uplifting, that God acts in ways that are baffling and confusing. And I included those stories too. Because I just wanted the reader to be able to say, Okay, this is what my life looks like, because I wrangle with God and wrestle with God. What does yours look like? Is it as nuts as this? And I just think it is, I think we’re just too sophisticated to talk about it. But I think people have interactions with God all the time. And I want to normalize talking about that. Julie Roys 37:10 And when I was in Vineyard, their tagline used to be to make the supernatural natural. And I did love tha.t I loved lots of things about my Vineyard experience. I know they’re going through some really, very difficult times right now. But yeah, it was very positive for me in many ways. And I appreciate that. And I appreciate just the fact that I read Scripture differently now, whereas I used to skip over oh my gosh, they raised the dead. You know, like that was normal for the disciples like what does that mean to us today? But it’s challenging. NANCY FRENCH 37:42 Yeah. Or what does it mean when Paul says just eagerly seek these gifts of the Holy Spirit? Do it just do it, just believe the Bible and do it. And one of the things is church is so nuts right now. It makes you feel like you don’t have a spiritual home. Like, actually, like, I do not have a spiritual home, I’ve been projectile vomited out of like the church. Julie Roys 38:05 I can relate to this. So yeah. NANCY FRENCH 38:08 if you can just like divorce yourself from the people who are angry at you for whatever reasons, and just sort of settle into your relationship with God. I don’t think we should forsake the church or the gathering of our friends and saints and all that. I don’t know how to do it. It is a very difficult time. And so I wrote this book for other people who feel politically, culturally, or spiritually homeless. And I’m just sort of like reaching out my hand and saying, Hey, do y’all, this is weird, what’s going on? Do y’all feel weird about this? Anyway, we can be weird together, we can be alone together. And that’s what I hoped the book sort of encapsulated. Julie Roys 38:47 I loved your story of how you became a ghost writer, which is kind of amazing. You’re a college dropout. And all of a sudden you’re writing for all these stars. A lot of people don’t know that you’re writing the book because you’re a ghost. But you end up writing and I didn’t realize you wrote this book Bristol Palin’s book when she got pregnant. For people, you know, who aren’t familiar with this, although most of us I would guess, that are listening. Or it wasn’t that long ago. Sarah Palin became the vice-presidential candidate. And of course, she’s a conservative, Christian conservative, very traditional values, and then it comes out uh-oh, her daughter Bristol is pregnant out of wedlock. Although it wasn’t really what I think everybody probably assumed at the time. Talk about that experience of writing that book with Bristol, but also of the reception that book got when you published it. NANCY FRENCH 39:44 Yeah, so I grew up listening to Rush Limbaugh and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that Democrats were sexual predators, or at least for pretty still with them. Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, give me a freaking break. So I was like, okay, So that’s the party. I do not want to have anything to do with. Democrats do not care about women. So I go to Alaska, I live with the Palins, I meet Bristol. Her story is told beautifully in her book. And I’ll let her tell her own story. But I was shocked when I got up there. Because what I thought was true was not true about the Palins. And I love Bristol Palin, she is courageous. She has a backbone, and she is a fighter for what is right. During that very tumultuous time when she got pregnant out of wedlock, she really rose to the occasion and she’s an amazing mother. And I love her so much. But what I learned when I got there, I said to her Bristol, we need to really talk about this baby shower that you had and she goes, I didn’t have a baby shower. And I was like, Yes, you did. I’ve got pictures. Look, your kid has this camouflage onesie. And she was like, Nancy, that is photoshopped. What is wrong with like, it’s so obviously photoshopped. I didn’t know because I was new to the world of lies and deception. But then when Bristol told me her story, how she lost her virginity. She goes, it wasn’t really lost. It was stolen. And I was like, oh, okay, what? I was completely floored by that because all of the media coverage was mocking her. And so when we published this in the book, I thought everybody would be like, my bad. I write for The Washington Post, or I write for the New York Times, or I write for this thing. And we mocked her for what essentially was a sex crime. She was a victim. And we’re sorry about that. That’s not what happened. People continue to mock her. They continue to make fun of her. And what that told me at the time was Democrats do not care about women, unless you’re a certain type of woman. Now, later, fast forward five freakin minutes, and here we are. The GOP standard bearer is someone who has been held criminally accountable for rape in court, much more so than Bill Clinton. And we’ve embraced this guy. So this is my trajectory. It has been one of confusion. I don’t feel like I’ve changed. I feel like you could believe that Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy were sexual predators or had sexual problems, obviously, without you can believe that and also look at people in your own tribe, can say the same things. You can walk and chew gum at the same time. You can just decide to be against sexual predation generally, across the board. It’s pretty easy if you make these decisions. But that’s not what we do. What we do is, oh, Harvey Weinstein. Yes. Well, that’s how Hollywood is, you know, Hollywood, they’re godless. Or the Catholics, for sure the Catholics have a problem. And then you find out oh, is the Baptist, oh it's the deacon Oh, it’s Kanakuk camps in Branson, Missouri. And it’s like, you don’t want to embrace that you’re just like, Nope. A part of my identity is that I’m a part of the good guys, I belong to the good tribe. And that was mine, too. I firmly believed that, that I was on the side of good, but then I wasn't, and I was guilty of mischaracterizing my liberal neighbor and trying to fight for my tribe over truth. And anyway, my book is sort of like unpacking that, it is not chastising the reader. It’s chastising myself because I got too much into the scoring of political points occupationally. And I realized that was not kind of me. God didn’t give me my writing talent for me to disparage my neighbor and to bear false witness. And so that’s what I was doing. And when I decided not to lie, or bear false witness, I was unemployable. I was as popular as head lice. So we used to be super popular in certain circles. And then, you know, nobody wants anything to do with us now. Julie Roys 44:02 Yeah, yeah. It’s amazing. 2015 You guys were like the darlings of the GOP. I mean, David had gotten awarded the Ronald Reagan award from CPAC, you know, the Conservative Political Action Conference. I mean, you guys were like, you were the quintessential Christian conservatives. And I think that’s when I was introduced to you. I was working at Moody at the time. And so I was doing a lot of commentaries and it’s amazing to me, I look back and I’m like, I had everything figured out then. Wow. It’s so funny, because I don’t now, but then I did. But I was very right. I was very conservative. And I could spout all of the political reasons why the Conservatives were right. And then all of a sudden, I couldn’t, I don’t think I changed. I don’t think I changed either. I was just absolutely shocked at who my Christian conservative neighbors were. Like, because I had supporters who were furious at me because I spoke out against Trump and stopped supporting me. And I’m like, Who did you think I was? Like, how can you support this man? I have not changed. I thought we were the party that cared about values. And they didn’t. Clearly we cared more about power, we cared more about position. But I have kind of thought, in my role as an investigative reporter in this space, where I call out Christians, and people often don’t want to hear, as you know, the scandals and what’s really going on. And so I thought, I got a lot of hate mail and pushback. Compared to what you and David have been through, I mean, that gave me like a whole new perspective, the personal nature of what was done to you. Especially regarding I know you have a daughter that you have adopted from Ethiopia. The amount of cruelty and this is where I’m like, that whole compassionate conservative thing. I was like, where are they? Talk about what happened to you when again, you simply stuck to your guns, and you spoke out, you spoke out what was true about Donald Trump. What happened? NANCY FRENCH 46:28 So chaos. We’re big fans of Hamilton, and we are always like chaos and bloodshed. If you know that songs chaos and bloodshed are not the solution. But that’s what ensued. So I wrote a 2016 article in the Washington Post about my own sexual abuse and how I was begging the GOP to consider sexual abuse victims, because we were not about this. Imagine if you’re me, and you grow up believing Bill Clinton is rapist. The Democrats don’t care about women. The GOP is the party of family values. We care about children, all this stuff. Imagine if you’re that, and then they show up and they’re like, Hey, this is the guy that you can vote for. His name is Donald Trump, he grabs women by the genitals. It’s fine. Just, it’s great. Julie Roys 47:17 Just locker room talk. Yeah. 47:19 And you’re just like, I don’t think I can do this. Is there a problem? So I wrote this article, I talked about my sex abuse for the first time. And I had not even told my counselor about my sexual abuse, I could not even articulate it. So it wasn’t like I had gotten to the point of spiritual maturity and emotional health, and I was finally deciding to make a case in the Washington Post. I had not even told my counselor; I could not even say it. But I went ahead and published this in the Washington Post, and it was a story of my abuse. And my counselor was like, Okay, I think we can work with this. But this is potentially emotionally problematic, which it was, because I just laid my soul bare. I was like, guys, please. But then after I did that, there were some conservatives, prominent conservatives who were like, oh, Nancy French is just using her personal story to make a political point. And then later, when I would make any sort of statement about politics, these people would say things like, just because Nancy French seduced her pastor doesn’t mean that she should be able to speak about the Supreme Court or something like that. Julie Roys 48:27 It’s infuriating. It’s infuriating, unbelievable. NANCY FRENCH 48:30 I’ve never heard anything more evil than this; where you take the victim of pedophilia and say that they seduced a pastor. It’s so sinister. But these are people who y’all read, like, people read these writers, they’re associated with sort of legitimate magazines. I don’t know. I don’t read them. And they make fun of us. They make fun of our adopted daughter because she’s black. They say I had sex with men while my husband was deployed. And that’s how we got this baby. Not through adoption. And then for a time, they put fake-like photoshopped porn of me having sex with black men online and they would photoshop David’s face looking through the window at it, and they called him a cock-servative and obviously, he’s raising the enemy because we have a black child. So all black people are enemy. The evil that came at us with such a flood of evil. I could not even I still cannot even process it. That was all because we decided not to vote for Trump. So I mean, it’s like, I don’t wish it on my worst enemy. Julie Roys 49:52 It’s unbelievable. It really is. And this is where, like you said, people continue to read some of these people. You call names in the book. You’re not doing it right now, that’s okay. But you can read the book. And you should. NANCY FRENCH 50:03 Yeah, they’re so inconsequential to me. I was like, should I say their names or not? Because I don’t even like, I don’t even know what they look like. Like, I’m so not dialed in to whatever their thing is. So, you have this thing you’re like, should I elevate them by actually using their names? Or should I protect them? Because surely to goodness, in five minutes, they’re gonna realize they’re on the wrong side of this issue. You know, like, I feel bad for them. I don’t know what their deal is, or why they’re so obsessed with trying to attack victims of sex abuse. But it’s not like this is an anomaly. It’s not like the church otherwise really has it going on in terms of protecting children and women. So, anyway, yeah. So it’s hard to know what to do with these people. And I probably, I vacillated between wanting to name names and score settle. And I just decided not to do that generally, just because I think this story is important, the story is good in and of itself. And these people they’re not. They’re just tokens. They’re just indicative of the things that I wanted to talk about. And I wish them all the best. I hope all of us are progressing politically and spiritually and culturally, to the point where we get better. I feel like I’ve gotten better. And I know we all can, so I don’t even have animus toward them. But they really are on the wrong side of this. Julie Roys 51:37 Yeah, absolutely. And I should say you name some names, but you do leave quite a few out. Although, if you put some things together, you can probably figure out who they are. But it is shocking what Christians are okay with and what I think this whole crazy political polarization has shown. And it’s been disorienting for a number of us Christians, I think, who are very surprised by it. For you, it cost you your job, your livelihood, essentially. I mean, you’re a ghostwriter, all of your clients were conservatives. We didn’t talk about it, but folks that you have to get the book and read the story about Mitt Romney and when you worked for Mitt Romney and the skiing story, I was laughing out loud. Oh, my gosh, I was laughing so hard. NANCY FRENCH 52:33 I did include some anecdotes that do not reflect well on my virtue. There is a warning here. Julie Roys 52:38 Oh that one! Yeah. Again, I’m just gonna tease that one. Because people have to read the book to read that one. And it’s hysterical. But here you are. You’re basically an unemployed ghostwriter. And Gretchen Carlson comes to you and tells you about an investigation you can do. It takes you like better part of a year, and you get paid like a big goose egg for it, like nothing. Which I have to, it reminds me of when I got fired at Moody, because that’s when I started investigating Harvest Bible Chapel and James McDonald. And I think that year, I did get paid for that article. But that’s like, the only thing that I wrote for any other publication because I wrote it for World Magazine. But I think I came out ahead when I did, the income minus like, expenses. I made $300 that year. I know. It was fantastic. But it was that kind of years, I could really relate to all of a sudden, you get this story just dropped on your lap, you tried to get other people to write it, and nobody did. And so you’re faced with this responsibility. And I know this all too well, where you know, a story. You know, I went to journalism school, you didn’t even go to journalism school. You’re a very good writer, an excellent writer. And I think you have obviously excellent investigation skills. And although you had to develop some of I mean, you just went out and you just began investigating this. And you get yourself in so deep that you realize, oh, my goodness, I gotta publish this, right? I’ve got to do something. So talk about it. This was Kanakuk camp, the largest Christian camp, and you find out there is widespread, like over decades, sexual abuse going on. It’s known, and yet, nobody has been held responsible, other than the actual abuser. NANCY FRENCH 53:34 That’s a lot! Yeah. And you’re being very kind in your description of this. So like, literally, I tried to get everybody to cover this. And I don’t even have a degree period, let alone a journalism degree. And when I realized that I had to be the one to do this because I’m almost 50 years old and I’m a grown person who knows about the abuse. When I realized that and this is after losing my job and being fired, either being fired by or quitting all of my gigs and no money. Julie Roys 55:13 That’s how we become investigative journalists. We get fired and nothing else you can do. NANCY FRENCH 55:18 Nothing else you can do. I Googled, what does off the record mean? I didn’t know that there were layers of that, you know this, you’re laughing. It’s so crazy. There’s like no background, anyway. So I googled that. That’s how I started my investigation. It was three years of just angst and agony. And I didn’t have anyone to help because I’m just myself. I really needed a team of like five people or something. But I worked around the clock for three years, and I proved everything that I wanted to prove basically. I only published like 3% of what I know. But yeah, there was a bad guy at Kanakuk camps. He was there. His name is Pete Newman, he abused an estimated hundreds of male campers, several of whom have died via suicide. We still get tips over these deaths. So anyway, awful. But the thing that I uncovered was that Kanakuk camps and its CEO Joe White, they received 10 years of Red Flag Warnings. So they knew for 10 years that this bad guy was convincing campers to disrobe and to be completely nude. He played basketball nude with them; he was on four wheelers nude with them. Which by the way, absolutely disgusting. Just that fact visualizing that they knew that. They knew that parents complained, one camper saw Pete Newman abusing another camper. And they told the Female Camper who was the witness that they didn’t think she was Christian enough to go to the camp. So Pete Newman is in jail. But all of the people who allowed this abuse to happen, they’re still running the camp to this day, nobody’s resigned, nobody’s been fired. The same people. And there’s 25,000 kids who go there per summer. So that’s why I’m so alarmed by it. If you Google Kanakuk, almost everything written about it is me, regrettably. It's out there, and you can read about it. So I would encourage people and parents just to become aware of that. The reason I’m so sad and despondent over the issue is that I proved everything and the church, their reaction was laconic, is that the right word? I don’t even know what that means. They were not as alarmed as I thought they should be. Julie Roys 57:38 Apathetic for sure. I mean, they just didn’t care. It’s callous. I mean, I have had investigations that turned out great. Like James McDonald, Harvest Bible Chapel. He got fired, all the elders stepped down. The Ravi Zacharias investigation, I think, pretty much it’s well established. But most of Christendom now realizes he was a sexual predator. John MacArthur, I don’t know what more I could have proved. I really don’t. And it’s been shocking to me that conservative, you know, pundits like Megan Basham still to this day, you know, will defend John MacArthur and I’m like, have you read this? I mean, we have so much documentation. We have video evidence. I mean, we have handwritten letters from him telling the teenage girl whose father molested her that she should forgive him and that he’ll stay on staff, and we know he stayed on staff three more years and then went on to pastor for decades more. And John MacArthur did nothing. It drives you absolutely insane. And you think what on earth is the matter with people? Like what is wrong with you? Nothing has been done to John MacArthur. Nothing has been done to Joe White. Christians continue to just send their kids to a camp where clearly they’re not being protected. How do you come to terms with this, Nancy? NANCY FRENCH 59:01 I don’t. I’m so depressed. I’ve been in a bad mood for many years. To be completely honest, I don’t know how to resolve it. I’m so depressed over it. And then the Kanakuk investigation dropped like a few days after the SBC was revealed to have all these sexual predators in a database conveniently tracking all the sexual predators and keeping them from the cops. I have no answers and I have decided that I cannot be responsible for the church and their collective inaction on this. That I am not responsible. I cannot exact justice. I just can’t. I am standing on the side of the road with this giant sign over my head saying, justice is coming. Justice is important. One day this will be better. It is not today. But I’ve just decided I’m just going to talk about it. People make fun of me because I’m a one-note song. If you follow me on Twitter or on any of the social media channels, I’m like, Hey, guys, today in Kanakuk saga number 550 million, I’m talking about this, because I have so much information. I published, like 3% of what I know. And so I just want to warn parents and I have, and so I feel comfortable with that. I will not stop talking about it. Lawsuits have been filed based on my investigative work, what I was able to uncover, and I trust lawyers more than I trust the actions of the church in terms of holding people accountable, which, you know, is sad. But I am thankful for attorneys and for brave victims and survivors speaking out. So I’m very thankful. But it took me a long time to get to that point and, I’m not okay with it. I’m sad and depressed. I’m sad about the Christian celebrities who are associated with Kanakuk camps, who won’t speak out. I’m sad about the parents who send their kids to Kanakuk camps. And I’m sad just for all the grieving families who’ve lost family members because of this abuse, it’s awful. And I’m so inspired by the families who choose to say that their loved one who died via suicide, was a victim at Kanakuk camps. A brave family in Texas did that first and that started all of it. Julie Roys 1:01:26 Well, you’ve done a Herculean task by digging into that, and if you want a place to publish, you know, the other 97%. If you get well enough, we would love to publish it. I know we published. I mean, based on your research, really, we’ve sort of rewritten some of this stuff, but it’s really well done, really well documented, and you’ve done a service for the church. And you’ve warned people. I figure that’s all we can do, is we can warn people, and then what people do with it, at the end of the day, we have to you’re right, we have to let that go. Because that’s in God’s hands. And we did our job. We warned them, we told them the truth, but it is frustrating. You said, There’s a quote that I just want to read of yours. It’s so good. And I so related to it. You said throughout my life, I desperately wanted to identify the good people and the bad people. So I could walk more confidently among them. Befriending the good ones avoiding the bad ones. I categorized people into tribes, according to their political views, their church attendance, and their voting patterns. But this line was fuzzier than I’d originally believed. I feel that the people we thought were the good guys aren’t necessarily the good guys. I still hold on to my faith, I still have the same convictions. I hold them differently now. I hold them differently. And I think there’s an openness to people that I wouldn’t necessarily be open to before. But talk about where you’re at now with kind of maybe seeing a little more gray than you did before or good, where you made might have seen bad and how you’re processing that? NANCY FRENCH 1:03:22 Well, I mean, probably the most interesting and honest answer is I realized how that the line separating good and evil runs through my own heart, as Alexander Solzhenitsyn said. And I was guilty of a bunch of stuff. I was politically acrimonious; I was mean to my Democrat neighbors. Mean meaning in my rhetoric. Like I help people own the LIBS or whatever. But I think there’s something very beautiful about aging, I’m almost 50. I do not care about my brand management. For all of you listening, I am not one of the good guys on the good side of the line, and I do all this stuff right. I do some things right. Probably hold a lot of beliefs that I won’t hold in 10 years, hopefully, because you know, you change and you get better and you want to allow space for you to get better, for your party to get better, for your church to get better. I think it’s interesting how you say you hold your beliefs differently. I am just so thankful for being able to not protect your brand. To the church. You’re not God’s PR branch. He doesn’t need you. He doesn’t need you in terms of his marketing. You can embrace the truth of whatever is uncomfortable, and you can talk about it without damaging the gospel, without damaging the church. In fact, you’re protecting the church when you’re calling out evil, you’re protecting children. When you’re calling out evil, you’re protecting women when you’re calling out evil, you’re protecting men. And so you don’t have to say like, oh, well, I’m a Christian, so therefore, I cannot criticize anything that is happening in the church. In fact, that’s biblically the opposite of what we are actually commanded to do. And so I have been guilty of being politically acrimonious and uncharitable towards my neighbor, not protecting the reputations of my neighbor. And I changed. And so I fully believe all of us can change. But that’s not to say that I’m the arbiter of all that is good. And now these people are bad, but it’s just all mixed up. And I feel like we have such capacity for both good and evil. And there’s part of you that is sort of like sobered by that. And then part of me is like, liberated. It’s like, okay, well, that explains a lot. That’s why I’m so petty. That’s why I yell at the kids when I don’t mean to, that’s when I get frus
Men vs. Women ft. Shaunti and Jeff FeldhahnFor more information visit Pastorvlad.org
*DISCLAIMER* This episode is intended for adults 224 Surprising Discoveries of Sex in Marriage: An Interview with Shaunti Feldhahn Deuteronomy 29:29a (NKJV) "The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us" Questions and Topics We Cover: Are there any specific questions you recommend we ask our spouse periodically? Will you elaborate on your finding that "men and women tend to have different insecurities that the process of sex can help heal or hurt"? You write "Having a comfortable way to signal (and receive) openness or interest will create connection and prevent much pain." So, how can couples begin to develop their own private language or signals to communicate effectively in a healthy manner? Thank you to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company Shaunti Feldhahn received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author, and popular speaker. Today, Shaunti applies her analytical skills to investigate eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace. Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, The Kindness Challenge, and Thriving in Love & Money, have sold more than 3 million copies in 25 languages. Her books and studies are popular in homes, counseling centers, and corporations worldwide. Shaunti (often with her husband, Jeff) has spoken around the world, sharing her findings with audiences ranging from churches to women's and marriage conferences to arena events to youth camps and cruises (yes, those are particularly painful…). Her research and commentary are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, The New York Times and MomLife Today. Shaunti, Jeff, and their two children live in Atlanta and enjoy every minute of living life at warp speed. Secrets of Sex and Marriage Website Previous Episodes on Sexual Intimacy on The Savvy Sauce: Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life with your Spouse with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Ways to Deepen Your Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Douglas Rosenau Ten Common Questions About Sex, Shared Through a Biblical Worldview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Easy Changes to Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner Hope For Treating Pelvic Pain with Tracey LeGrand Treatment for Sexual Issues with Certified Sex Therapist, Emma Schmidt Talking With Your Kids About Sex with Brian and Alison Sutter Natural Aphrodisiacs with Christian Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Douglas Rosenau Healthy Sexuality, Emotional Intelligence, and Parenting Children with Autism with Counselor, Lauren Dack Pain and Joy in Sexual Intimacy with Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Identifying and Fighting Human Trafficking with Dr. Jeff Waibel Bridging the Gap Between Military and Civilian Families with Licensed Professional Counselor, Cuthor, Podcaster, and 2015 Military Spouse of the Year, Corie Weathers Enjoying a God-Honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse with Certified Sex Therapist and Ordained Minister, Dr. Michael Sytsma Enjoying Parenting and Managing Conversations About Sex with Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen 63 Maximizing Sexual Intimacy During the Three Most Challenging Phases of Marriage with Christian Sex Therapist Pioneers, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner Conflict Resolution, Infidelity, and Infertility with Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Hormones and Body Image with Certified Sex Therapist, Vickie George Passion Pursuit with Dr. Juli Slattery Female Orgasm with Sue Goldstein Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation, and Treatments Available with Dr. Irwin Goldstein Turn Ons, Turn Offs, and Savoring Sex in Marriage with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Desire Discrepancy in Marriage with Dr. Michael Sytsma Answering Listener's Questions About Sex with Kelli Willard Anatomy of an Affair with Dave Carder Supernatural Restoration Story with Bob and Audrey Meisner Healthy Minds, Marriages, and Sex Lives with Drs. Scott and Melissa Symington Female Pornography Addiction and Meaningful Recovery with Crystal Renaud Day Building Lasting Relationships with Clarence and Brenda Shuler Healthy Ways for Females to Increase Sexual Enjoyment with Tracey LeGrand Pornography Healing for Spouses with Geremy Keeton Sexual Sin Recovery for You and Your Spouse (Part Two) Personal Development and Sexual Wholeness with Dr. Sibylle Georgianna Our Brain's Role in Sexual Intimacy with Angie Landry Discovering God's Design for Romance with Sharon Jaynes Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1 Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, Part 2 Making Love in Marriage with Debra Fileta Mutually Pleasing Sex in Marriage with Gary Thomas Sex Series: God's Design and Warnings for Sex: An Interview with Mike Novotny Sex Series: Enhancing Female Pleasure and Enjoyment of Sex: An Interview with Dr. Jennifer Degler Sex Series Orgasmic Potential, Pleasure, and Friendship: An Interview with Bonny Burns Sex Series: Sex Series: Healthy Self, Healthy Sex: An Interview with Gaye Christmus Sex Series: Higher Sexual Desire Wife: An Interview with J Parker Sex Series: Six Pillars of Intimacy with Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo 215 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part One with Dr. Kris Christiansen 216 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part Two with Dr. Kris Christiansen 217 Tween/Teen Females: How to Navigate Changes during Puberty with Dr. Jennifer Degler 218 Secrets of Sex and Marriage: Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Patreon 23 Her Desires and His Desires in the Bedroom with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Patreon 26 Holy Sex with Dr. Juli Slattery Patreon 28 Protecting Your Marriage Against Unfaithfulness with Dave Carder Patreon 29 Remaining Sexually Engaged Through The Years with Dr. Michael Sytsma Patreon 49: Story of Healing from Sexual Betrayal in Marriage: An Interview with Bonny Burns Patreon 52 God, Sex, and Your Marriage with Dr. Juli Slattery Shaunti's Previous Episode on The Savvy Sauce: Understanding Men and Women Better with Shaunti Feldhahn Shaunti's Co-Author's Most Recent Episode on The Savvy Sauce: Secrets of Sex and Marriage: Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Also, check out our Patreon Page to find out how to gain access to additional podcasts and goodies! Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
In our society, men are often unfairly depicted as uncaring and unthoughtful, when in reality, they are simply unsure of how to display love and communicate their feelings. Today on this classic edition of Family Talk, Dr. James Dobson concludes his timeless interview with author Shaunti Feldhahn, revealing crucial information that women need to know about their husbands. Be enlightened as Shaunti and Dr. Dobson discuss the importance of romance in marriage, and why couples must intentionally carve out meaningful time for one another. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/707/29
Have you ever wondered what the man in your life is really thinking? On today's classic edition of Family Talk, you will hear Dr. James Dobson's timeless interview with Shaunti Feldhahn, author of the book, For Women Only. Through her detailed research, Shaunti identifies the feelings that may be buried deep within a man's soul, and explains to women why their husbands crave respect. Discover these crucial characteristics that may unlock the secrets that will lead to a much more intimate relationship. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/707/29
The following is an encore presentation from 2023.Shaunti Feldhahn is a relationship expert and the author of several very helpful books about marriage, including Thriving in Love and Money.There's a saying about marriage: “When money troubles come in the door, love goes out the window.” But Shaunti has 3 steps for couples to keep that from happening. 3 STEPS TO ERASE TO AVOID FINANCIAL TENSION IN YOUR MARRIAGE1. ENSURE MARGIN: Make sure you have a cushion — some margin in your budget and finances. The Feldhahns conducted a three-year study involving a couple-thousand people. They found that no matter the income level, it wasn't the topline income number that mattered. The key to avoiding tension was to spend less than they took in. This was true across all demographics. You've got to have a cushion to be able to make that car repair or whatever life throws your way. It's great stewardship and helps keep you out of debt and bondage. But as it turns out, it's not just protective of your finances, but of your relationship as well. 2. COMMUNICATE: You have to be able to talk to your spouse about money. It can't just be a one-person thing. It must be BOTH of you, and you have to be able to openly and honestly communicate about money. Communication really is the secret weapon. Most couples have trouble communicating about money. It's a very common problem. But the Feldhahns found in their research that communication even trumps having a financial cushion or having the perfect budget. If you can talk about money, even if the technical stuff isn't perfect, you are far more likely to avoid tension and resentment. So start opening those lines of communication! It's vital! 3. BUILD AWARENESS: You have to understand what's going on underneath the surface and how you and how your spouse respond to money. Shaunti explains that if there is tension around money in your marriage, it's not really about the money. It's about how money makes you feel, and how it makes your spouse feel. It's about all of the insecurities and worries and beliefs about how money should work that are running under the surface. And we have two different sets of those. On today's program, Rob also answers listener questions: What are a couple of good options for online banking?How do you determine whether you should roll over an IRA? RESOURCES MENTIONED:Ally BankCapital One 360 CheckingMarcus Remember, you can call in to ask your questions most days at (800) 525-7000. Also, visit our website at FaithFi.comwhere you can join the FaithFi Community, and give as we expand our outreach. Remember, you can call in to ask your questions most days at (800) 525-7000. Faith & Finance is also available on the Moody Radio Network and American Family Radio. Visit our website at FaithFi.com where you can join the FaithFi Community and give as we expand our outreach.
Suspicion. Grumbling. Sarcasm. These are just a few of the ways that negativity rears its ugly head and causes us to do and say things that damage our closest relationships. Whether we think the worst about a decision our spouse made, we refuse to see any good that can come out of an uncomfortable situation, or we let our mouths hurl a playful quip that stings, our negative attitudes and actions can hurt. In her book, The Kindness Challenge, author and social researcher Shaunti Feldhahn identified seven patterns of negativity and unkindness that can derail our relationships. Listen as Shaunti offers help to improve our mindsets – and our relationships – by seeking to assume the best.
Embracing Your Season: Raising Littles and Understanding Teens with Paige Clingenpeel
On this week's episode of Embracing Your Season, host Paige Clingenpeel has a great conversation with author, speaker, and ground-breaking social researcher, Shaunti Feldhahn. As a mother herself, Shaunti understands the value and importance of connecting and understanding our children and teens. She shares about her research in co-authoring the book, For Parents Only, which encourages parents as they navigate the hard world of parenting. Paige's Takeaways:Attitudes - They are usually a sign of our kids struggling with a pain point that we get the opportunity to lean into as parents. We can ask the question, “What is going on in the heart of my child?” What we see on the outside is a reflection of what is going on, on the inside.Boy's struggle with the pain point of, “Am I good enough?” They are involved in a lot of performance based activities which can cause this type of tension. Give them a safe place at home to communicate these tensions they are feeling.Girl's struggle with the pain point of, “Am I lovable?” They have the desire to know if they are worth loving. We can help them by incorporating words of affirmations to help them know that they are loved and special.Listen - Listen to them and let them know that thyr are seen and known. Lean into the emotion that our kids share with us. Ignore the problem or conflict, instead lean into how the conflict is affecting them emotionally. Listen, ask how they are feeling, ask if they need help finding a solution. If they aren't ready to share with you, wait twelve hours for them to process and check back in with them.Love - Our kids want us to know that we are loved and they appreciate us. They might not know how to tell you or show you but they do love you. Paige ClingenpeelQuestions About the Podcast: paigeclingenpeel@gmail.comFacebook: Paige ClingenpeelInstagram: paigeclingenpeelHomeWordShaunti FeldhahnFacebook: Shaunti FeldhahnInstagram: Shaunti FeldhahnBook - For Parents Only
Join Harvard graduate and Relationship Researcher Shaunti Feldhahn on the Natural Health Matters podcast as she talks about her book “Secrets of Sex and Marriage.” In this mature-content episode, Shaunti shares insights from her research on how couples can build a more vibrant and fulfilling sex life. The core message: Intentionality, mutual understanding, and working as a team can unlock greater intimacy, even if you feel far apart now. Small changes to your awareness and relationship habits can make a big difference. This eye-opening conversation is for anyone wanting to build greater connection in their marriage. Though it covers mature themes, it does so tactfully with helpful insights. For complete show notes visit my website https://www.davidsandstrom.com/127 0:00 Introduction 4:00 Maintaining a healthy sex life in marriage. 8:37 Couple's creative solution to keep their marriage fresh: sharing IDs with police officers. 13:18 Sexual intimacy in marriage, including survey methods and clinical perspectives. 20:35 Sexual frequency in marriage and its correlation with happiness. 24:56 Sexual frequency in marriages, with insights on common misconceptions and the wide range of what works for different couples. 36:12 Sexual desire types and their impact on relationships. 43:19 How men can improve their relationships with their wives. Shaunti's Book The Secrets of Sex and Marriage Shaunti's website David's Book The Christian's Guide to Holistic Health David's website
Is there a recipe for a happy marriage? On today's episode, Greg and Erin talk with Shaunti Feldhahn about her research on how to have a happy marriage. Plus, you'll hear from Sterling Knight-Pinneo on how he strives to make his wife happier in their marriage! To learn more about the Fantastic Five for Husbands and Wives, get Shaunti's book for a gift of any amount! Wondering what you need to work on to get a happier marriage? Take our free marriage assessment! If you want to go deeper and find some simple habits you can start doing in your marriage, check out this free video series! We'd love to hear from you! Visit our Homepage to leave us a voicemail.
Physical intimacy is very important in marriage, but it's something we rarely talk about with our friends or even our spouses. What is normal? What's too much? What's too little? Researcher and bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn is here with surprising statistics everyone needs to know. We'll talk about key misconceptions, myths, and assumptions about fulfillment from Shaunti's book, Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference. Get ready to laugh and learn as we talk about: 3:30 Wrong assumptions about sex and marriage 5:04 What research reveals about couples and intimacy 6:40 How frequently do “normal” couples have physical intimacy? 10:37 Are churchgoers more or less likely to have sex? 13:10 It's really awkward to talk about this, so we don't... 15:54 How to start talking about intimacy with your spouse 19:11 Initiating desire versus receptive desire (game changer!) 28:05 Accepting and identifying differing physiology Shaunti Feldhahn is a ground-breaking social researcher, bestselling author, and speaker. After receiving her master's degree from Harvard, she worked on Wall Street. Her books include For Women Only and For Men Only and have sold more than three million copies. Shaunti's findings are regularly featured in secular and faith-based media including The Today Show, FamilyLife Radio, Focus on the Family, and The New York Times. Learn more about Shaunti and her book Secrets of Sex and Marriage at her website shaunti.com Find Arlene's book 31 Days to a Happy Husband here or check out her Happy Husband online course. happyhomeuniversity.com/happyhusband More Resources for Your Family: Arlene's Free Marriage Webinar -- Get Unstuck in Your Marriage. If you feel stuck in a rut or you've just lost that lovin' feeling, register for Arlene's free marriage webinar here. Subscribe to Arlene's free email list for a monthly resource to help your home. happyhomeuniversity.com/subscribe Watch a VIDEO clip from the podcast on Arlene's new Happy Home YouTube Channel @arlenehappyhome
Welcome to the Love Where You Are podcast! I am joined with Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a ground-breaking social researcher, best-selling author, and popular speaker – but a wife and mom first. After receiving a graduate degree from Harvard, and working on Capitol Hill and Wall Street, Shaunti now uses her analytical skill to uncover those little things that can make big differences in lives and relationships. In this episode, Shaunti and I dive deep into all things sex and marriage. The timing couldn't be more perfect as I am celebrating my 19th wedding anniversary and Shaunti has released a new book titled "Secrets of Sex & Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference." Stay with me, friend, because this topic is SO important. Even though it feels awkward to talk about, intimacy issues are often the reason for marital discord and even divorce. As Christians, we need to understand God's design for sex, the importance of physical intimacy and yes, how to teach our kids a healthy and biblical view of this part of the marriage relationship. Now before the conversation starts, I want to point out that much of this conversation centers around a healthy expression of the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Shaunti and I will address sexual trauma and honor that conversation with care. There is so much to unpack! Thank you for being here today. Now, let's dive into the conversation! You can connect with Shaunt on Instagram Or check out her website And you find her new book on Amazon or whereever you buy your books! FAVORITE TAKE-AWAYS: -Statistics show that intimacy matters a lot even if we think it doesn't. Two humans can have issues but when they are engaging in each other, sending all the happy hormones, it can improve communication and marriage satisfaction. -Many people feel like there's something wrong with their intimacy because it doesn't look like what's portrayed in the movies. It turns out there are two different primary types of intimacy: initiative and receptive, and both are normal and healthy! It does not mean something is wrong with you. -Approximately 80% of women are insecure about their bodies, while almost 100% of men LOVE their wife's body! Men want their wife, even with all the "flaws" a woman might think she has. She is adored and her husband wants to love her, but many women don't let themselves believe it. REMEMBER: -Expectations need to be healthy. -You need a problem solving mentality in order to intentionally bring intimacy into your marriage, for the sake of your marriage and for the sake of displaying a healthy role model for your kids. -When a kid asks a question about sex, as parents we need to answer calmly so that the child knows it is always okay to ask questions, and there is no fear, fight or flight, brought into that topic. Connect with Somer! Stay connected to Somer and the Love Where You Are podcast through her Facebook & Instagram!
Shaunti Feldhahn is a relationship expert and the author of several very helpful books about marriage, including Thriving in Love and Money.There's a saying about marriage: “When money troubles come in the door, love goes out the window.” But Shaunti has 3 steps for couples to keep that from happening. 3 STEPS TO ERASE TO AVOID FINANCIAL TENSION IN YOUR MARRIAGE1. ENSURE MARGIN: Make sure you have a cushion — some margin in your budget and finances. The Feldhahns conducted a three-year study involving a couple-thousand people. They found that no matter the income level, it wasn't the topline income number that mattered. The key to avoiding tension was to spend less than they took in. This was true across all demographics. You've got to have a cushion to be able to make that car repair or whatever life throws your way. It's great stewardship and helps keep you out of debt and bondage. But as it turns out, it's not just protective of your finances, but of your relationship as well. 2. COMMUNICATE: You have to be able to talk to your spouse about money. It can't just be a one-person thing. It must be BOTH of you, and you have to be able to openly and honestly communicate about money. Communication really is the secret weapon. Most couples have trouble communicating about money. It's a very common problem. But the Feldhahns found in their research that communication even trumps having a financial cushion or having the perfect budget. If you can talk about money, even if the technical stuff isn't perfect, you are far more likely to avoid tension and resentment. So start opening those lines of communication! It's vital! 3. BUILD AWARENESS: You have to understand what's going on underneath the surface and how you and how your spouse respond to money. Shaunti explains that if there is tension around money in your marriage, it's not really about the money. It's about how money makes you feel, and how it makes your spouse feel. It's about all of the insecurities and worries and beliefs about how money should work that are running under the surface. And we have two different sets of those. On today's program, Rob also answers listener questions: What are a couple of good options for online banking?How do you determine whether you should roll over an IRA? RESOURCES MENTIONED:Ally BankCapital One 360 CheckingMarcus Remember, you can call in to ask your questions most days at (800) 525-7000. Faith & Finance is also available on the Moody Radio Network as well as American Family Radio. Visit our website at FaithFi.com where you can join the FaithFi Community, and give as we expand our outreach.
Prepare to be encouraged by a mentoring session with Shaunti Feldhahn. We are diving into sex and sexuality with Shaunti, as she shares her insight and clinical understanding and perspective. Some of the topics we covered in this conversation include: Surprises that make all the difference. Why sexuality matters. A vision for intimacy. Affirming insecure places. Desire - types of desire and levels of desire. God's beautiful gift of sexuality for women. About Shaunti Feldhahn: Shaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author and popular speaker. Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace. Shaunti's books (including several with husband, Jeff) are known for their aha moments and relationship transformations! These groundbreaking research-based books, including For Women Only, The Kindness Challenge, and most recently, Secrets of Sex and Marriage have sold more than 3 million copies in 25 languages and are widely read in homes, counseling centers and corporations worldwide. Find her new book, Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference, Shaunti Feldhahn, Dr. Michael Sytsma Related Episodes: High & Low Libido, episode 150 Your Wonderful Female Body - Sexual Desire, episode 109 You're Invited: Keep learning with Francie! Join the Discipleship Circle group mentorship. This is a SWEET community of women, connected with the purpose of seeking God's heart for their reclaiming a redeemed view of sex and sexuality. Inside the circle, we will explore and discover the good news about God's heart for sex. Learn more here: Discipleship Circle Listen to Heaven in Your Home Family Music: Spotify Apple Music YouTube Connect with Francie: Receive Francie's weekly newsletter Website Instagram
Shaunti Feldhan joins Lifegiver to talk about her new book Secrets of Sex & Marriage that she co-wrote with intimacy expert Dr. Mike Sytsma. Shaunti Feldhahn is a bestselling author, social researcher, speaker, and podcaster. A graduate of Harvard University and a former Wall Street analyst, Shaunti now uses her analytical skill to uncover those little things that can make big differences in lives and relationships, both at home and in the workplace. She and her husband, Jeff, have coauthored groundbreaking relationship books, translated into 25 languages with nearly 3 million copies sold, now used by therapists, clergy, corporate coaches, and HR departments. Her books include The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages; For Women Only; For Men Only; Through a Man's Eyes; and The Kindness Challenge. Learn more about Shaunti by visiting her website, https://shaunti.com/ Looking for more episodes on Affair Recovery? Here are additional conversations, including more with Dr. Mike. Looking for more episodes on marriage enrichment? Check out this page for more. Sign up for our monthly newsletter here! For more content and resources visit www.life-giver.org We want to hear from you - It helps us serve you better! Send us an email at podcast@corieweathers.com Want to work with Corie? Check out https://www.corieweathers.com/ for more info. Song Credits: "You and Me" Tamas Kolozsvari, "Invisible Beauty" by Aakash Gandhi
Sunday Morning April 30, 2023 Guest Speakers Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn
Shaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before becoming a social researcher, best-selling author and popular speaker. Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships. Shaunti's books are known for their “aha” moments and relationship transformations! Her groundbreaking research-based best sellers include For Women Only, The Kindness Challenge, and most recently, Thriving in Love & Money. Shaunti's research is regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Family Life, Focus on the Family and The New York Times. Shaunti speaks at events in the U.S. and around the world.
Shaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before becoming a social researcher, best-selling author and popular speaker. Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships. Shaunti's books are known for their “aha” moments and relationship transformations! Her groundbreaking research-based best sellers include For Women Only, The Kindness Challenge, and most recently, Thriving in Love & Money. Shaunti's research is regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Family Life, Focus on the Family and The New York Times. Shaunti speaks at events in the U.S. and around the world.
Shaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author and popular speaker. Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace. Shaunti has written several books (including several with husband, Jeff), including For Women Only, The Kindness Challenge, Thriving in Love & Money, and the recently released Secrets of Sex & Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference, which she coauthored with dr. Michael Sytsma. In our conversation, we talk about sexual abuse in the church and how to respond.
Social researcher and relationship expert Shaunti Feldhan joins Blake to talk about one of the most common marriage issues: Sex. In her book, she provides insight into what helps couples maintain a healthy relationship in both physical intimacy and the larger context of general marital intimacy overall. Listen in as they talk about how we can get on the same page and create a thriving intimate life that is equally satisfying for both partners and how we can move from disconnection to delight. Shaunti is the co-author of Secrets of Sex & Marriage – available everywhere now! To connect with Shaunti: Website: shaunti.com | secretsofsexandmarriage.com Instagram & Twitter: @shauntifeldhahn Facebook: facebook.com/ShauntiFeldhahnOfficial
Sexual intimacy is more deeply connected to emotional and spiritual intimacy than most of us realize. Maybe you've wondered why you don't talk with your spouse about sexual intimacy? Maybe you feel like the years are full of too much hurt. Maybe you're a newlywed and want to build health in this area. Wherever you are today, we hope the conversation with our guest will be a catalyst to more wholeness in your sex life. Whether you're pastoring or counseling couples, engaged or newly married and ready to get your sex life off to a great start, or you've been married for decades, this episode will bring some helpful insights for you and those you lead. Over the next two episodes we are speaking with Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. Michael Systma about their latest book, Secrets of Sex & Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All The Difference. This is the first episode in our series on sexual wholeness and we just had to bring Dr. Sytsma and Shaunti on the podcast to share the latest research. They each view this topic through a unique lens and we think you will not only be encouraged and resourced in what healthy sexuality can look like, but you might find a starting point for a journey toward health and wholeness in this area of your life. Today we have the privilege of speaking with Shaunti Feldhahn. You might know Shaunti from her research on relationships and her many many books such as; For Men Only, For Women Only, or The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. Shaunti Feldhahn is a bestselling author, social researcher, speaker, and podcaster. With a graduate degree from Harvard, Shaunti uses her analytical background to help relationships thrive. She and her husband, Jeff, have co-authored groundbreaking relationship books with nearly 3 million copies sold. As a popular media commentator, Shaunti's findings are regularly featured in both secular and faith-based media, including The TODAY Show, FamilyLife Radio, Focus on the Family, The New York Times and Cosmopolitan. To connect with Shaunti Feldhahn, visit: Book website - https://secretsofsexandmarriage.com/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/shauntifeldhahn/ Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/ShauntiFeldhahnOfficial Website - https://shaunti.com/about-shaunti/ ======================== If you've got kids, join us for the Perfectly Imperfect parenting conference, Every Parent Wants to Know, hosted by Christian Parenting. We (Jeff & Terra Mattson) will be sharing biblical and clinical wisdom as we answer the question, "How do we help our children develop healthy sexuality?". This online conference launches on April 14, but you can watch and rewatch all the videos through the end of 2023. Get your tickets here: https://www.perfectlyimperfect.org/a/2147529418/DJui8Bf6 We LOVE that you have decided to join us this week for the Living Wholehearted Podcast. We hope you enjoyed the conversation, tips, and resources to help you transform every relationship that matters most to you. If you think this will help someone you know, make sure you send it their way or share on socials. Tag us @living_wholehearted and @terramattson! Don't forget to FOLLOW/SUBSCRIBE so you don't miss an episode and help spread the word by leaving us some stars on a review. Thanks for partnering with us to help more leaders, just like you, who want to live and lead with integrity at home, work and in the community. You can always subscribe to our monthly newsletters at livingwholehearted.com. And, if you are a girl mom, check out mycourageousgirls.com. Until next time, be the leader you would follow! Grateful for you, Jeff & Terra To connect with Jeff & Terra Mattson and Living Wholehearted, go to: INSTAGRAM @TerraMattson @Living_Wholehearted @MyCourageousGirls FACEBOOK @WeAreLivingWholehearted @MyCourageousGirls WEBSITES LivingWholehearted.com TerraMattson.com MyCourageousGirls.com RESOURCES Shrinking the Integrity Gap https://davidccook.org/shrinking-integrity-gap-book/ https://a.co/d/dRiP4Ii Shrinking the Integrity Gap e-Course https://www.livingwholeheartedstore.com/e-courses Courageous: Being Daughters Rooted in Grace https://mycourageousgirls.com/shop/p/book-courageous-being-daughters-rooted-in-grace Dear Mattsons https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLdPzQ_cUwCbRc-MQ40KL3a6ze06CiY38l Helping Moms Raise Confident Daughters http://cpguides.org
In this episode James and Lisa have a conversation with Shaunti Feldhahn, co-author of the book "Secrets of Sex and Marriage." The episode tackles one of the most taboo topics in most relationships - Sex in marriage. Shaunti and her co-author, renowned sex therapist Michael Sytsma, spent three years and $120,000 on a research project involving interviewing over 5,300 people, leading to major surprises and aha moments. They identified the little things that make a big difference in making marriage sex work. The episode reveals how communication is crucial and how making people understand the differences in desire and addressing underlying issues can bring freedom and growth in a relationship. With the book designed to be read together, Shaunti believes that "Secrets of Sex and Marriage" can help couples understand each other better and feel validated. "Communication is the elephant in the room - the topic we avoid because of its awkwardness. Despite having close friends, we rarely address it with them. It's the only issue we never speak about, leading to the creation of myths and misunderstandings which guide our actions. If we don't learn to communicate with our partners, these myths will keep us from true understanding." Topics discussed:- How intimacy in marriage is the least talked-about topic- Research on the little things that make a big difference in making marriage intimacy work- Communication gaps and misunderstandings and how they impact intimacy- Understanding the differences in desire- Establishing signals or cues for willingness to engage in sexual activity- The church as a safe place for difficult conversations, and the creation of a curriculum on intimacy in marriage Resources:Schedule a Discovery Call about Marriage RebootSUBSCRIBE: NewsletterSupport the Podcast:patreon.com/ArtofSpousingOther episodes you'll enjoy:Practising the Art of SpousingGuest Resources:Websites: shaunti.com, secretsofsexandmarriage.comIG: @shauntifeldhahnFB: Shaunti FeldhahnShaunti's Books: Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference FOR WOMEN ONLY: What Men Think 98% of the Time: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men. What You Need to Know About How Guys Think For Men Only, Revised and Updated Edition: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women Thriving in Love and Money: 5 Game-Changing Insights about Your Relationship, Your Money, and Yourself Shark Tank Episode Mention in PodcastConnect with us:Send Questions and Comments to: hello@artofspousing.comWebsite: artofspousing.comFB: artofspousingIG: @artofspousingJames IG: @thejamesduvallLisa IG: @lisaduvallSUBSCRIBE ON:Apple PodcastsSpotifyGoogle PodcastsAmazon MusicArt of Spousing is edited using Descript...the all-in-one audio & video editing application.Loved this episode? Leave us a review and rating here
In a world that has jaded and obscure expectations and ideas about romance, intimacy, sex, and relationships, we wanted to break down what studies and research say about desire between married couples. Joining us again is Shaunti Feldhahn who has recently released her book, co-authored with Dr. Michael Sytsma, titled "Secrets of Sex & Marriage". Shaunti takes us through the deep heart cries of many couples from "how much sex should we be having?" to "why won't my partner initiate sex and intimacy?" to the overwhelmingly honest "am I alone in this?" Tune in next week to hear from Dr. Michael Sytsma, a licensed professional counselor, certified sex therapist, ordained minister, professor, and national speaker. Secrets of Sex & Marriage (Book & Resources) Website | Instagram | YouTube | Faceboook Follow Dr. Shannan Crawford: https://drshannancrawford.com/ https://crawfordclinics.com/
When we were early in our marriage, I often said to Mark, “Sex! I could go the rest of my life without it!” And he totally believed me. True story! Needless to say, we had all kinds of challenges in that area of our marriage, and eventually, we sought out sex therapy. And it was a game-changer for us!It's no secret that sex is an important part of any marriage, but we are often hard-pressed to talk about it honestly with one another. It can be hard to find Christian resources to dig into this somewhat taboo topic, and yet it is one of the areas that can drastically impact your marriage for the better!Today, we are talking about how to get a different perspective on sex. Helping us do that is Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. Michael Sytsma. They are the authors of a new book called Secrets of Sex & Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference. Shaunti is a bestselling author, social researcher, speaker, and has a graduate degree from Harvard. She uses her analytical background to help relationships thrive. And Dr. Michael Sytsma is an ordained minister, licensed professional counselor, Certified Sex Therapist, professor, and national speaker.In this episode, you'll hear:How they collected information about sex and marriagesThe two primary ways desire worksWhat the true gatekeeper to having more sex isAnd more!I pray this is exactly what you are needing to hear today!Show Notes: https://jillsavage.org/feldhahn-sytsma-131
Hey hey! If you've ever wondered if you're normal regarding what you and your spouse do behind closed doors, this conversation is for you! Today, my friend Shaunti and I are talking about those things married people do in the bedroom. Before you get bashful and bow out, I promise we will use comfortable language for this often-uncomfortable topic. This conversation isn't for little ones but is vital for married couples, and you don't want to miss out on it! These insights are game-changers. Shaunti has spent years on this intimate kind of research. We are going there today, discussing the questions that are sometimes difficult to ask Tune in to our conversation as we chat about: Why money and intimacy are so tough to talk about How can we open the conversation, so both spouses feel more comfortable talking about their needs The real reason we all want to know if we're normal behind closed doors What most couples don't know about desire I love how Shaunti helps us normalize talking about what matters to us this week. Did you catch her when she joined us to talk about how to find joy and happiness regardless of what's going on around us? Listen to that episode here. Shaunti Feldhahn is a Harvard-educated social researcher, speaker, and best-selling author of researched-based books, including her most recent, Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference. Shaunti and her husband, Jeff, have co-authored several books together, including For Couples Only. They have two children and call Atlanta home. Favorite quotes: ~“Those people who could talk about their intimate lives were far more likely to be satisfied with their intimate lives and to be connecting much more often.” ~“The key is that you have to talk about what matters to you.” ~“One way to get started is to dig into some of those heart issues with your spouse.” ~“Whoever has the initiating desire has to recognize your spouse is going to be making a decision based on how they feel about you that day and how close you are.” Coaching this week: How do I convince my loved ones that coaching is a real and viable business? (37:41) Links to great things we discussed: Shaunti Feldhahn Website Shaunti Feldhahn Instagram Secrets of Sex and Marriage Shaunti's First Episode Hymn of Heaven The Crown Ghost Fleet Triple Threat Color Stick I Wanna Dance with Somebody Last of Us The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent The Coach School Join the Confident Motherhood Community here. Hope you loved this episode! Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! :) xo, Alli
Because husbands and wives view money differently, conflict is inevitable. On today's edition of Family Talk, Shaunti Feldhahn, author of Thriving in Love and Money, explains that 30% of Christian couples surprisingly maintain separate checking accounts. Ultimately, money problems are about power. Shaunti explains that finances should be an opportunity for connection, not conflict. She also teaches married couples how to take off the gloves and recognize they're on the same team. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/707/29
Because husbands and wives view money differently, conflict is inevitable. On today's edition of Family Talk, Shaunti Feldhahn, author of Thriving in Love and Money, explains that 30% of Christian couples surprisingly maintain separate checking accounts. Ultimately, money problems are about power. Shaunti explains that finances should be an opportunity for connection, not conflict. She also teaches married couples how to take off the gloves and recognize they're on the same team. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/707/29
Did you know that money issues are the number one stressor in relationships? And that the problem goes much deeper than how to budget? On today's edition of Family Talk, Dr. James Dobson interviews author and social researcher, Shaunti Feldhahn, to discuss her book, Thriving in Love and Money. They also examine the different fears men and women have about finances. After interviewing 3,000 people, Shaunti gleaned that husbands worry about providing for the family while wives are more concerned with whether the family is happy. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/707/29
Did you know that money issues are the number one stressor in relationships? And that the problem goes much deeper than how to budget? On today's edition of Family Talk, Dr. James Dobson interviews author and social researcher, Shaunti Feldhahn, to discuss her book, Thriving in Love and Money. They also examine the different fears men and women have about finances. After interviewing 3,000 people, Shaunti gleaned that husbands worry about providing for the family while wives are more concerned with whether the family is happy. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/707/29
Today on Family Talk, social researcher Shaunti Feldhahn joins Dr. Tim Clinton for a second installment to further discuss her hallmark “Kindness Challenge.” Shaunti explains that kindness has to be intentional, and it is more than just being polite. When it's done well, kindness has the power to improve strained relationships and turn difficult marriages around. But it takes practice, and everyone has blind spots when it comes to kindness. Shaunti invites listeners to choose one person in their life, and commit to a thirty-day strategic practice of kindness and grace directed toward that individual. Since 89% of people who participate in the kindness challenge see an improvement in their relationships, it's definitely worth the effort!
Are you really as nice as you think you are? What does it mean to be kind to others? Today on Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk, Dr. Tim Clinton talks with social researcher, speaker, and best-selling author Shaunti Feldhahn about her book, "The Kindness Challenge: Thirty Days to Improve Any Relationship". After searching for a singular common denominator in successful relationships, Shaunti discovered that it is, indeed, kindness. But what does “being kind” look like in our daily relationships? First, it means “nixing the negative,” “practicing praise,” and “carrying out kindness.”
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