Craig and Sam in the Morning

One principal knows exactly how to get kids to read more books. Just promise to dress like Lady Gaga and milk a cow. Well done, sir. Well done.

Kris Humphries' gal pal is says Kris Jenner was behind Kim Kardashian's sex tape; Ashton sues DMV; Ann Curry rumors; Snooki outclasses Barbara Walters; Weezy wants peace between Chris Brown and Drake; new Pink tune

Prepare yourselves for the Zombie Apocalypse with a new concept car from Hyundai. If you're lucky, you can make dinner as you drive it home.

A man turns in his wife for running an illegal gambling joing out of their house. Sam reveals a story about her own mother and her wicked ways.

New perfume line smells like your favorite city. Great if you're from San Francisco but what if you're from Houston? Also, poor Orville the Kitty is now an Orvillecopter. You know you want to laugh.

The queen celebrates 60 years on the throne. Her feet must really be tingly. Performers at the Diamond Jubilee concert include Elton John, Paul McCartney and Tom Jones. Will Liz let her hair down and throw her bra on the stage?

Drew Barrymore a blushing bride with a baby bump, Hugh Hefner reunites with Cyrstal Harris, goodbye to Richard Dawson and Kathryn Jooston, Brooke Mueller in rehab but denies Charlie Sheen is to blame, box office results

A man hiding from cops spots an incriminating shell casing that could give him away. Hmmm, where to hide it? Yeah! They'll never look there? There's just one little problem.

Cee Lo staying with The Voice, Demi being herself, no rose for Chris Harrison, Jagger hosting SNL, JR Martinez a dad, Levi Johnston's little pistol, Miley hanging at the WM, Snooki on tanfastic mom, The Avengers hits theaters.

Some funeral homes are offering party services for birthdays, showers, etc., hopefully while there are no services in session. Craig and Sam ponder the possibilities of unique surprise party ideas to scare the life out of people.

More names rumored to join X Factor, Bobby Brown thought crack was wack before he met Whitney, new Gordon Ramsay show may have gone to Hell, Lindsay Lohan hit and run allegations going to the D.A.

Disgraced Secret Service members have a bag full of excuses for Hookergate, one pulls the Costanza defense of not knowing that was wrong.

Teen brandishes a flare gun at another driver in a fit of road rage, catches his own car on fire when he accidentally discharges it. Oops.

Craig and Sam explore the possibilities of why a cow would visit a McDonald's drive through window in Colorado.

From cloned pets to hunting for Bigfoot, TV is filled with odd reality shows. Craig pokes fun ad Doomsday Planners until Sam reveals Craig's guilty pleasure of Hillbilly Handfishing.

Ashton and Mila stoke dating rumors, Kardashian reality show extended, Rosie bashes Lindsay, Megan Fox and Jack Osbourne welcome babies, not with each other, Jaleel White hosts Total Blackout Obama slow jams news with Fallon

NatGeo premieres a show about people who were once Amish tonight, which opens the door for Craig and Sam to reveal their own amusing encounters with Indiana Amish.

Ashton and Mila rumors, Demi returns to twitter, Johnny Depp sued by drunk Iggy Pop concert goer, Alec clarifies his 30 Rock departure, Kanye realized Theraflu is trademarked. Duh.

Vomit guns, weapons that make you go zombie and other real weapons that sound to crazy to be true. Sam has a suggestion for a weapon to end all wars.

Shocking news, Pippa Middleton actually makes headlines without a butt shot, Hillary parties like she's a member of the Secret Service in Colombia.

Craig and Sam pay tribute to Colts QB and NFL Great Peyton Manning with this blast from the past. This is a radio bit from Craig and Sam in 2006 featuring Martha Stewart, sort of.

Craig faces the harsh reality, researchers have discovered men such at picking out gifts. Sam is not surprised. Craig shares tips for buying the right Valentine's Day gift.

The list of Grammy performers grows, gets The Boss; JC Penney hires Ellen as spokesperson, anti-gay group gets panties in a wad; Snooki and JWoww welcome in Jersey Shore, PA.

When the excitement of the big game just isn't enough, we have to find ways to get drunk faster.

Rundown of new movies in theaters this weekend, Big Miracle with Kristen Bell, Drew Barrymore, John Krasinski, Ted Danson; The Woman in Black with Daniel Radcliffe; Chronicle with Michael B. Jordan, Michael Kelly, Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell.

Trump psychs out Newt, picks Romney; Roseanne Barr files papers to enter presidential race to stand up for average Americans. OH, and legalize pot.

Things you do not want to hear at your Super Bowl party; Craig thinks there is a plumbing conspiracy.

If a New York pub is banning Sam Adams over the Super Bowl, will there be no baked beans, either? Will Boston ban NY pizza? Good thing the Colts are out. No horse meat this year.

Ohio farmers spend big bucks on waterbeds for their cows so they can produce better milk. How could Craig and Sam make this sound dirty?

McDonalds had been putting WHAT in our food? Really? Now we know what that secret sauce really is. McGross!

Lindsay Lohan is chapped royal over claims she has been drinking and threatens to sue those who report it; rumors swirl about why Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger were dumped from X Factor; Justin Timberlake set for two movies; Super Bowl Celebration on VH1.

Craig and Sam compare notes with a study that reveals men are quicker to remarry after a divorce than women. Sam has a theory. Men are babies.

AskMen.com has revealed its list of most desirable women. Funny how one is unfamiliar to Sam, but Craig knows exactly who she is.

Do you really want to know when your facebook friends dump you? You cannot escape Timeline; apps claiming they can make it go away are likely scams.

Snooki and JWoww are not welcome in Hoboken, Lindsay Lohan rumored to be partying in a restroom, Sean Penn honored, Adele to make her comeback performance at the Grammys.

A new cologne claims to help men hide the smell of a strip club. Craig and Sam debate whether or not women will be fooled. Craig is stunned to learn smells give men away.

Super Bowl week is here, and Vegas is ready to take bets on everything from Kelly Clarkson and the National Anthem to what Madonna will wear to the color of the Gatorade to be dumped on the winning coach.

How warm is it? Warm enough for someone to rob a local Baskin Robbins. The crime rate in this city has pushed a hot button.

Big shakeups at X Factor - Steve Jones, Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger exit; Alec Baldwin drops names of upcoming SNL hosts, including Bieber; Stretch Armstrong coming to the big screen without Lautner; Madonna new single info and Super Bowl hint.

If you are going to Indianapolis for the Super Bowl, watch for giant frisbees. That just might be a projectile manhole cover.

A school has banned Uggs because kids use them to smuggle contraband in to school. Craig and Sam share pre-Ugg techniques.

Two guys were arrested for breaking into the CNN building in Atlanta; they were caught using computers to check facebook. Sam has a theory, and a story from her misspent youth.

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry headed to court over alleged temper tantrums, SAG Award highlights, Demi Moore 911 tape reveals TMI, Etta James tribute, box office results

We asked our facebook friends about male stereotypes and Craig is faced with the awful truth when women answer with hysterical honesty.

Asteroid flyby is too close for comfort; Craig and Sam crave Taco Bell breakfast. And really, there IS meat in the food at Taco Bell. This is all in fun.

Newt Gingrich wants to moon us, can we do what one town in Italy is doing and have the candidates pole dance? Sam thinks Santorum would win that competition and Craig thinks Romney would just be the pole.

Craig is looking to debunk male stereotypes, like all men love sports, men can fix anything, men are better drivers, grown men don't cry except John Boehner, but Sam says women have been onto this for years.

Demi Moore update 911 tapes to be edited and released, Drew Carey loses more than weight by getting unengaged, goodbye to Juan Epstein, Madonna brining friends to Super Bowl, new movies

Newt Gingrich, aka the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, is appalled the topic of his extramarital affairs is brought up in a presidential debate. Apparently, such topics should only be brought up if you are the Speaker of the House trying to impeach a president over lying about affairs, while you are having affairs.

Cops get drunk to test breathalyzers, Craig and Sam both have stories about getting drunk with cops.

Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner to report to the principal's office for a good scolding, Elton John's husband offers kind words to Madonna but no apology, Katy Perry tops list as most desired for cheating even with Sarah Palin on the list, Lady Gaga to perform at Grammys.