Bad Soccer Dad

Where did you go get ice cream after games as a kid?Does your family have a go to spot to celebrate after games?Does everyone in your family know everyone else's favorite ice cream flavor? If so, what it is?If you want to get on Steve's mailing list to get more information about upcoming projects or events, go to stevejnorman.com to sign up.

This week my conversation is with Brooke Ewert. Brooke was someone who was athletic in her youth and quickly discovered that it was not just physical abilities that made top athletes unique, but that of mental strength. If you want to learn more about Brooke and her work, check out rockymountainsportscounselingcenter.com Reflection: I love Brooke's questions to help parents understand a child's feelings about their sport. Have you stopped to ask your son or daughter…? What do you like about your sport? What do you not like about your sport? What do you like to do when you're not doing your sport? If there's an injury, what's on the other side of the scale? And have you stopped to remind her that she is more than her sport? That his worth isn't directly tied to his performance? Identity and performance can quickly tangled up in each other if we're not vigilant, not just for our kids, but for ourselves. If you liked what you heard today, subscribe on your favorite podcast app and if you have a minute, please consider leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts. You can find us on Facebook and badsoccerdad.org

This week I had a conversation with Elizabeth Perkins. Elizabeth talks about the importance of growing a total person: As an athlete A woman of character A person of faith A leader of leaders. Reflection: Don't forget the goal of education and development is total person growth, a whole and integrated young person, not just a star athlete. Elizabeth's story reminds us that if college sports are on the horizon for your son or daughter, it's never too early to think critically about what type of environment helps them mature in every dimension of their lives, not just athletics. If you're curious about the programs Elizabeth mentions: You can learn more about Hope at hope.edu And baylor.edu/truett And BU built at baylorbears.com If you liked what you heard today, subscribe on your favorite podcast app. If you have a minute, please consider leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts. Reviews help other people find the show. You can find us on Facebook and badsoccerdad.org

Are you forgiving as much as you'd like to be forgiven? Take some time to read the following passages:Matthew 6:14-15Matthew 18:21-35Luke 23:32-34 Reflection: What does Jesus teach us about the value of forgiveness?How does Jesus model forgiveness for us?When I think about my family of origin, what forgiveness issues come to mind?Where was forgiveness modeled well? When was it lacking?Who is currently on my "unforgiven" list?What step can I take today to the process of letting go? If you need help processing any of these issues, please let me know. You can contact me through the Bad Soccer Dad Podcast Facebook page.

Welcome back to Bad Soccer Dad! Hope you had a great 2019 and are kicking off your 2020 with a lot of fun, energy, and excitement. I'm joined here by some of the youth athletes in my family, talking about 2019 and going forward into 2020.

Bethany Balcer is a forward for Reign FC and was awarded 2019 Rookie of the Year for the National Women's Soccer League. Reflection: Bethany said her sister and her parents are the people who keep her grounded in the midst of the pressure she's faced and the achievements she's accomplished. Do you have people who love you enough to pick you up when you're down? And people who can help you stay humble when you're at the top of your game? As a parent, what could it look like to remind your child where to give credit when they're playing well? If you liked what you heard today, subscribe on your favorite podcast app. If you have a minute, please consider leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts. Reviews help other people find the show. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram and badsoccerdad.org

It is a couple days after Thanksgiving, and my hope is that you had a great time hanging out with friends and family and that you spent time cataloging the many things that you are, or could, or should be thankful for. Here's a few things I am thankful for in this youth sports season.

My guest today is Tracy Hanson, who had a successful All-American Collegiate golf career at San Jose State University that included: eleven individual tournament wins, an NCAA Team Championship, a USGA Public Links Championship, and Low Amateur honors at the USGA Women's Open. She played her first year professionally in thirteen different countries and was named an Order of Merit Winner in Asia & Rookie of the Year on the Ladies European Tour. Tracy enjoyed fifteen successful seasons on the Ladies Professional Golf Tour before retiring in 2009. She is also a writer, speaker, and founder of the Tracy Hanson Initiative, a program that provides safe opportunities for elite athletes to talk about stories of trauma, and training for those who serve them. Reflection: Tracy talked about a season in her career when she was “leaking pain.” Where are you leaking pain these days? Is it through silence, anger, passive-aggressive behavior? Do you have a safe circle of friends you can process it with? Is it time to seek out a trusted, professional counselor? Or check out a recovery program? We can't outrun our hurts, but we can turn and face them. It's not fun, it's not easy, but it's critical step in our personal growth and healing journey. If you don't know where to find help, message me on Facebook or Instagram and I'll do my best to connect you to a place where you can take the next step. Thanks again to Tracy Hanson for joining me today. Tracy is currently writing a book about her story and I look forward to reading it when it's done.

In this mini-episode, Steve reflects on some of the principles on the importance of rest and play in three books he's recently read. If you want to add to your BSD reading list, check these out: Elite? A Christian Manifesto for Youth Sports in the United States by Adam Metz The Emotionally Healthy Leader: How transforming your inner life will deeply transform your church, team and the world by Peter Scazzero The Mamba Mentality: How I Play by Kobe Bryant

Brian is on staff with Athletes in Action and the author of The Assist: A Gospel-Centered Guide to Glorifying God Through Sports. Brain is married to his high school sweetheart, Linsey, has three kids and is a Detroit Lions fan. He ran track and cross country at Wake Forest University, where he graduated with a degree in communications. Brian said one of the great gifts his parents gave him was reminding him that, when he got cut from a high school team, that God had a plan. That God sees something we can't see and even when things look bleak, God is committed to our good, our growth and our joy. Have you had an opportunity to talk with your kids about how sometimes our Plan A isn't God's best for us? And that what we see as Plan B has some benefits and blessings that will be revealed over time? He also reminds me that God cares more about our personhood than our performance. It's possible to come away with the win and lose when the battle for honor, integrity and kindness. What aspect of your personhood, your character is God inviting you to grow in this season? Finally, Brian reminds us that practice is worship. Giving our all at practice not only honors God, it shows respect and commitment to our teammates. How is your athlete viewing practice these days? How can we help them frame practice as more than a necessary evil, but a chance to stretch, push themselves and shine? If you liked what you heard today, subscribe on your favorite podcast app. If you have a minute, please consider leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts. Reviews help other people find the show. Thanks again to Brian Smith for joining me today. Don't forget to check out his book “The Assist: A Gospel-Centered Guide to Glorifying God Through Sports”

Over the last year I've been learning to write a new playbook to remind me who I want to be before, after and in the midst of my four children's athletic journeys. I am learning to speak the language of lament, pursue the practice of patience, and enter into the exercise of delight. The mission of Bad Soccer Dad is to explore the intersection of parenting, youth sports and spirituality. Every conversation is designed to help parents, coaches, and athletes ask critical questions, questions like: “Who do I want to be at the end of this journey?” “What do I want to be true about my young athlete when this experience is over?” And maybe even: “What is God trying to teach me about myself this season?”

Dr. Seiple is the Senior Fellow for Comparative Religion at the Jackson School of International Studies. He is widely known and sought after for his decades of experience and expertise regarding issues at the intersection of geopolitics, US foreign policy, Asia, conflict resolution, human rights and religion. He has pioneered innovative solutions in the U.S. Marine Corps, at the U.S. State Department, the Templeton Religion Trust, and as the president of the Institute for Global Engagement (IGE), where he developed a “Track 1.5” theory of change rooted in relational diplomacy. He and IGE are perhaps best known for playing a significant role in the removal of Vietnam (2007) and Uzbekistan (2018) from the U.S. State Department's religious freedom violations list. Dr. Seiple earned his Ph.D. in International Relations at The Fletcher School of Law & Diplomacy. He also has an M.A. in National Security from the Naval Postgraduate School, and a B.A. in International Relations from Stanford University. He is the recipient of the 2019 Religious Freedom Award from the J. Reuben Clark Law Society, and the 2019 International Award from the International Religious Liberty Association. Chris is a three-time cancer survivor who embraces each day, gratefully. Reflection: Chris says, “Doors opened because I had the courage to step up and say ‘this is not for me.'” Do you have a child who senses their time on a team or a sport might be winding down? Is he or she struggling to let go? Are you? Does it help to consider something positive, even incredible, is on the other side of that choice? Chris coaches his youth soccer team with these principles: See the whole. Play as a body. Create opportunity. Pass and move to space. Stick to “D” and shoot to score. Based on where your family is your current stage of life, what does it mean to “see the whole and play as a body?” Chris says, “When you listen you find out about solutions that are applicable in that context that are already there, instead of you trying to bring them. Sometimes we bring solutions to places that already have them. All they're asking for is for us to walk alongside and join them in the best of who they already are.” If this is true for global conflicts, it's also true for challenging family dynamics. Think of a problem your child is facing. Is it possible she doesn't need you to fix it for her? But to walk alongside her as she figures it out on her own? How do you engage across deep differences (at work, at home, on the field, ice, or court) to make a positive impact in the world?

Jess McDonald plays for the North Carolina Courage of the National Women's Soccer League and is a member of the United States Women's National Soccer Team. She won an NCAA title with the North Carolina Tar Heels, 2 NWSL titles with the North Carolina Courage, and the 2019 FIFA Women's World Cup. Jess was gracious enough to host my daughter Naomi and I for this interview at the North Carolina Courage training facility. A few days before we recorded this, my wife Kelly and Naomi saw the Jess and USWMNT play the Korea Republic team in Chicago. This game on October 6, was the farewell game for Jill Elliss, who coached the US team for five years. I started recording just after Naomi told Jess she was at that game. Reflection: Jess' grandmother is a source of constant encouragement to her. Who is a steady voice of encouragement to you? Jess challenges us to use our words carefully, because kids are always listening. What kind of words and phrases do you want your kids to remember you saying? Jess says, “The goal doesn't move.” What goals are you pursuing in your own life these days? What steps can you take today to move towards accomplishing one of them? What goals do you kids have in this season? How can you help them develop and execute a plan to reach them?

My today is with Ron Deal who is the Director of Family Life Blended. You can learn more about them at http://familylifeblended.com/ Reflection: Ron quotes a proverb that says, “When two elephants fight, the grass suffers.” Is there unresolved conflict in your family dynamic that is causing stress for your child? If so, what's one step you can take this week toward owning your part in that conflict and addressing it? Do you struggle to communicate on logistics when it comes to gear, practices and tournaments? Is there a weekly check-in system you could create to stay on top of these? Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” What's one way you might be able to pursue peace with your child's parent or step-parent this week?

My conversation this week is with Mark Labberton, the president of Fuller Seminary. Mark and I met about six years ago when he was the Associate Professor of Preaching and director of the Ogilvie Institute of Preaching. He's been an incredible mentor and a great source of encouragement to me over the years and am grateful for the wisdom he brings to this conversation. You can learn more about Fuller at www.fuller.edu Reflection: Mark said, “Competition is a valid and good thing. I think fairness, sportsmanship, the capacity to be the kind of person you want to be while you win is a different and richer goal. How do you nurture those kinds of values?” Mark also said, “I think a parent that has a broader vision for what this season is about can find ways of introducing new culture. If only 2-5% of a population gain a common vision, then they can change the whole group. If you think about some sports teams, it's not very many people who have to join you in that, it has to be more than one family, but taking it in that way, and doing it out of love, … can create a life-giving culture for your kids and their sports.” Is there another family or two you could partner up with to shape the culture of your team? Who are they? If you could make one change to your team culture as families that would make it a better environment for your kids to thrive, what would it be? How do we affirm and practice that each one of us is fearfully and wonderfully made? What would it be like if every kid in our team was aware they were valued as a part of the team, period, and not appreciated for their performance?

My conversation this week is with Chip Huber, the Associate Vice President for Student Development and Athletics at Cornerstone University in Grand Rapids, MI. Chip and I met over 20 years ago and he's been an inspiration to me as a leader and a parent. I want to encourage to check out Chip's site: www.nightofnets.org And consider starting something like it with your tennis, basketball, volleyball or soccer team. Reflection: Chip says, “The Center for Ethics argues the better athlete you are, your character doesn't really develop. It typically gets worse. Are we really helping athletes become people of character? Or do we push them so hard it compromises their character? Chip said, “On our first trip to Zambia, we were kind of overwhelmed, but wanted to ask, ‘How do I leverage the power of sport to help meet the needs of my friends on the other side of the world?'” Is there a way your team or club can meet the needs of someone in your town, your school or even another country? Consider these questions Chip proposes: How do we model, even for other parents, a gentle spirit? How do we embrace those relationships, as a fan, as a fellow parent? Can I get outside of myself for a moment? Can I get in my kid's shoes? Can I get in the ref's shoes? This really isn't about this game, it's about the future of who that athlete, that coach, that ref is going to be.

My conversation this week is with Belinda Bauman. She's the Executive Director of One Million Thumbprints and the author of Brave Souls: Experiencing the Audacious Power of Empathy. Reflection: Belinda says, “embracing our weakness leads to greatness.” Where have you found this to be true in your own life? How might it be true for your child/athlete this season and this year? She also says sports are a great place to practice empathy, to learn other people have perspective other than my own. Who can your child learn from this season? Another quote from the episode is, “Where sports engage the concept of peacemaking, they become the most accessible on ramp to conflict transformation that we have.” Have you seen sports act as a vehicle for healing or reconciliation in a community? If so, how? Belinda says, “Empathetic listening is when we turn the noise down in our own head enough to hear and feel what the person in front of us is saying. Turning our own noise down in our head lets us read the air around the person that's talking to us.” Who are you struggling to show empathy to these days? Is it your child? A coach? A teammate or teammates' family? Have you been quick to write someone off because you haven't stopped to learn the whole story? What might you change to see them for who they truly are, not as the person you've decided they are?

My conversation this week is with Kara Powell. She's the is the executive director of the Fuller Youth Institute (FYI) and assistant professor of youth and family ministry at Fuller Seminary. She is also author of many books, including, "Growing With: Every Parent's Guide to Helping Teenagers and Young Adults Thrive in Their Faith, Family, and Future" Reflection: Kara says: “I want to be the goalie that keeps tough experiences out of my kids net, but often the best growth happens through those struggles.” What struggles are you trying to save your kids from these days? What might happen if we let them process those struggle on their own? Who can they become and we can we become if we allow our suffering to help us persevere, transform and grow? Kara says kids are asking three big questions: Identity- “Who am I?” Belonging- “Where do I fit?” Purpose- “What difference do I make?” Which of these questions do you see your kid asking these days? How is their sports experience helping them process the answer to that question? Kara talks about being a wall your child can come back to. When are you tempted to disengage with your teenager when they are separating from you in a normal and healthy way? Are there times you feel hurt by your child, even if it was unintentional? What can your kid learn from others on their team? What can they give to others on their team? As our kids enter their late teens and early twenties, we learn that giving unsolicited advice doesn't work. How do you show support for your kids even when they're making decisions you wish they weren't?

My conversation this week is with Kutter Callaway. He's a professor of theology and culture at Fuller Seminary, the co-director of Reel Spirituality, a husband, father of daughters and Denver Broncos fan. If you liked what you heard today, Subscribe to Bad Soccer Dad on Apple Podcasts, Google Play or Spotify and leave us a review. Thanks so much for listening and we'll catch you next week! Reflection: Kutter says, Regardless of what your family rules end up being… you as the parent need to be actively involved in the conversation. “I don't want to do the work of parenting… so you can't watch anything. I don't want to do the work of parenting … so you can watch everything.” Sometimes I punt on my kids' media choices, because we're tired or intimidated. But helping our kids know what to watch, why we watch it and how to watch it with a critical eye is a gift to them. What are your family guidelines for this these days? Are you watching things together and discussing them? Or is everyone retreating to their individual corners and consuming sports, shows or social media alone? When you watch sports together, can you acknowledge what God might be doing in and through a game and celebrate it together? When you watch TV, are you able to do so critically? Can you say, this scene or this character or this dialogue doesn't represent what we value and who we want to be? And this is why? What did you think about Kutter's comments on gaming? Do you agree that there are both upsides and risks for online gaming? What do you think those are for your family?

My conversation this week is with Craig Custance. Craig is The Athletic's editor-in-chief for the NHL-US and group managing editor for Detroit, Chicago, Pittsburgh and Florida. He's also host of The Full 60 podcast. He joined The Athletic after nearly a decade covering the NHL as a national hockey writer, the last six as a senior writer for ESPN.com. Before covering the NHL, he was an award-winning journalist with the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. He's the author of “Behind the Bench: Inside the Minds of Hockey's Greatest Coaches." Reflection: Craig says, “You want your kid to overcome pain and struggle and in sports where the stakes aren't really that high.” What lessons do you want to learn in this fall season? What lessons is your child already learning? Where are the opportunities for him or where to power through adversity or get better because of it? Lessons is: how to power through it, how to get better and develop If you liked what you heard today, Subscribe to Bad Soccer Dad on Apple Music, Google Play, Spotify, or Stitcher and leave us a review. Thanks so much for listening and we'll catch you next week! Follow Craig on Twitter @CraigCustance If you want to read Craig's book, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Behind-Bench-Hockeys-Greatest-Coaches/dp/1629372447

My conversation this week is with Jack Wilson. He's a former administrator at Oakland University in Rochester Hills, MI. He's a therapist, corporate coach and sports performance expert. Jack is also a friend and mentor. 19 years ago, Jack helped Kelly and I with our premarital counseling. So, if there's anything dysfunctional in our marriage, it's only because I didn't follow his directions well. Reflection: Jack says “A person who can master release is someone who can keep their own ego in check.” Jack Nicklaus famously said, “If you care whether the putt goes in the hole or not, you'll never be a good putter.” You have to care about the process. There are so many variables over which you have no control, so you do the process as well as you can. The athlete who can focus on the process and move on has the highest potential for success.” How do you do at letting go of mistakes and misses? How does your young athlete do at recovering from a fumble? Missed putt? Bad shot? How might your incorporate Jack's four step process: Plan/ Execute/ Evaluate/ Release going forward?

My conversation this week is with Gina Spehn and Sam Kell. Gina is a best-selling author, speaker and Co-Founder of the New Day Foundation. Her son Sam Played varsity basketball and is starting his first year of college at Oakland University in Rochester, MI. Questions to Consider: Gina says that ultimately, in our quest to trust God, the outcomes don't really matter. That God has a plan for us, even if we don't see it or understand it. Where the one area in your life where you're struggling with needing a particular outcome? Can you, will you ask God for the grace and strength to take the next clear step in your journey, even if you don't know where it will take you? Resources: If you want to learn more about the New Day Foundation, visit: https://www.foundationforfamilies.org/ To check out Sam's radio show, go here: https://www.facebook.com/pg/dialedindetroit/about/?ref=page_internal To learn more about Gina's book, The Color of Rain, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Color-Rain-Families-Found-Tragedy/dp/0310318890

This week I get to speak with Brian Bolt and Chad Carlson. Brian is a professor of Kinesiology and the men's golf coach at Calvin University. Chad is an Associate Professor of Kinesiology/Director of General Education at Hope College. They are the co-hosts of the 2nd Global Congress on Sport and Christianity, which will be held this October at Calvin University in Grand Rapids, MI. They also host a podcast on sport, faith, and life called Dig Deep. Reflection: Chad said, “Anything we love deeply has the potential to move from a good thing to the ultimate thing. Then it moves into the area of an idol.” Here's one question I'd love for you think about this week: How do keep sport in its lane? What decisions or conversations should we pursue to make sure it remains a good thing and doesn't become the only thing?. Don't forget to check out Brian and Chad's podcast: Dig Deep on iTunes and take some time to register for the conference. You can learn more at: https://calvin.edu/events/2GCSC/

You've heard from Naomi and Jo, now hear from my youngest athlete, Mariam! Stay tuned for our regular interviews that are coming back this month. You can find us on Facebook by searching for Bad Soccer Dad Podcast and be sure to subscribe wherever you listen.

This summer is flying by! This week we're doing a mid-summer special edition checkin with two very special athletes, Naomi and Jo Norman. Join in on this behind the scenes conversation while we are prepping for the upcoming fall interview season. Have any feedback or suggestions? Find us on Facebook at Bad Soccer Dad Podcast and send us a message!

We're doing some shorter episodes for the summer, but will return to our interview format in August, just in time for the fall sports season. If you caught the last episode, you heard a portion of the Father's Day message I gave at Central. In it, I referenced some advice from Brad Griffin of the Fuller Youth Institute, my guest in Episode 4. He says when we pray for our kids we should pray they would know: 1) They are loved and 2)That they're never alone. After I gave that Father's Day message in Holland, I drove straight to Chicago to be with my Dad, who was hospitalized. His pain had been difficult to manage, and he was drifting back and forth between waking and sleeping. But he knew I was there and wished me a “Happy Father's Day.” And then my family, Kelly and our kids and my sisters and my mom prayed those two prayers for him: "Dad, you're loved and you're not alone. Dad, you are deeply and dearly loved. And you're never alone." It would be our last Father's Day together. Here are 5 lessons I learned from my dad…

Take a listen to this excerpt from Father's Day at Central Wesleyan Church in Holland, MI. Sometimes we as dads (and moms, and grandparents, etc.) struggle with needing to be in control. In today's episode you can hear about how not being in control is actually liberating and how to pray for your children with that in mind. For more like this, visit centralwesleyan.org. Stay tuned for more episodes this summer where we'll be diving into different books and topics every other week and get ready for season 2 of The Bad Soccer Dad podcast launching this fall with some fun guests.

My conversation this week is with Naomi Norman. Naomi is my daughter and has been playing soccer for 10 years. Listen in while we talk about dealing with stress, dealing with parents, dealing with aggressive opponents, and other lessons she's learned along the way and what it's like to be the daughter of a bad soccer dad.

My conversation this week is with Don Cousins. I first met Don over 20 years ago when he was a frequent guest speaker and consultant for the church I was serving in the Detroit area. Don is currently on the senior leadership team at Discovery Church, a church with 3 locations in the Orlando area. Don and his wife MaryAnn have 3 adult children who played high school sports right across the street from our studio here in Holland, MI. Don's also an NFL dad; His son Kirk is the Quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings. Questions to Consider: Don told Kirk, “All you can do is your best. If your best is not good enough, your best is not good enough. Your esteem as a person cannot be measured by whether or not you are the starter. Your esteem needs to be measured by you doing your best.” Don's thoughts remind me of a quote from Brene Brown's Rising Strong. She writes, “It's always helpful to remember that when perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun. Perfectionism is not healthy striving. It is not asking, How can I be my best self? Instead, it's asking, What will people think?”

This week I had a conversation with Lisa Payne. She is the retired CFO and Vice chairman of Taubman Centers - a Public retail real estate company. Lisa is currently a full-time board member and sits on the boards for the Masco Corporation, Rockwell Automation in Milwaukee and JCPenney. She is the mother to two daughters who played high school, club and college volleyball.If you liked what you heard today,Subscribe to Bad Soccer Dad on iTunes, Google Play or Spotify. Questions to Consider: Lisa's daughter is learning how to play volleyball for an “audience of one.” What do you think it means to do this? How can thinking of an “audience of one” free athletes to play with less pressure, more passion, and true joy? Lisa says if she had to do it over again, she might have encouraged her daughter to choose one sport, rather than play three throughout high school. Between school, sports, and other activities, what's your child's workload like these days? Lisa says her daughters learned how to deal with conflict and disappoint in their athletic careers. What is your athlete learning this season? What lesson would you like for them to learn over the course of their career? Lisa's daughters had a checklist for their volleyball gear by the back door of their house. Have you ever had an athlete forgot to bring a piece of gear to a practice or game? Is there value in developing a checklist with your athlete so he or she can stay on top of what to bring and when?

For this episode I have a great conversation with Jake Zammit, the Director of Coaching for Legends FC in Brighton, MI. As a youth soccer player, Jake was a member of several Michigan State Championship Teams. In high school, Jake was a 4-time Varsity player at the University of Detroit Jesuit; winning a State Championship in 2001 and receiving All State honors. After High School, he accepted a full ride athletic scholarship to attend Quincy University in Illinois. US Soccer honored Jake as the 2018 Girls National Competitive Coach of the Year. Questions to Consider: What is your child's goal for their current season? What is their end goal for their youth sport? Is to play varsity in high school? Is it to play in college? Jake says, “Parents and athletes have to be honest with each other about what they want to get out of the game.” Are you having honest conversations to make sure you're on the same page? If you haven't already done so, sit down with your child to plot a course to get to the end game he or she really wants. Jake says, “If you push your player too hard, you'll eventually end up losing them.” How are you tempted to push your young athlete in ways that might not ultimately be helpful? What aspect of your character or spiritual development do you want to focus on this season? Jake suggests “patience” or “conflict management” as a place to begin. Follow BSD on Facebook today! Message me there with your questions, episode ideas, or prayer requests.

For this episode I had a great conversation with Trygve and Kristen Deede Johnson. Kristen is the professor of Theology and Formation at Western Theological Seminary. Trgyve is the Hinga-Boersma Dean of the Chapel at Hope College. They are parents of two children. Questions to Consider: Trygve talks of having to unlearn some of the lessons he learned in sports. One of those lessons is: “Your identity is defined by your performance.” In what area of your life are you tempted to equate your identity with your performance? Is it work? Parenting? You own athletic endeavors? Your spiritual journey? When he was playing baseball in college, Trygve started asking “What if I played, not to win, but for beautiful moments?” Have you seen your athlete create beautiful moments, even if the game or match ended in a loss? Kristen asks, “What is the cost of youth sports for our family?” and “What is the cost for our community?” Is there a risk that a focus on “my” kids hinders my ability to think about “our” kids? One question that emerged in this episode is: “Is it OK not to play?” Another is: “Do we have permission to imagine alternative lives for our families?” How did this strike you? How would you answer this? How would you kids answer it? Kristen offers three practices for parents of young athletes to focus on for their own spiritual formation. Which of these might be one you can focus on in the next week? Prayer – She mentions the prayer of examen. You can learn more about this here: upperroom.org/resources/the-examen Sabbath – Schedule breaks for rest Sleep – “It's a tremendous act of trust.” More from Kristen at kristenjohnson.org Follow BSD on Facebook today! Message me there with your questions, episode ideas, or prayer requests.

In today's episode we get to hear from my friend, Rabbi Josh Bennett. Rabbi Bennett serves as one of the spiritual leaders of Temple Israel, Michigan. He's been there since his ordination from the Hebrew Union College of Cincinnati, Ohio in 1994. Until 2 years ago, his son and my daughter played for the same Detroit-area soccer club. Rabbi Josh and his wife, Meg, are parents of three athletes and have spent many years in the worlds of youth soccer and gymnastics. Questions to Consider: Josh asks, “What do I want my child to become?” Have you thought about this recently? What's your hope for your kids? What kind of person do you want them to become? After games, Josh says, “I wait for them to talk” and “Listening is more important than speaking.” What do you think? Is there value in withholding feedback immediately following a game? What would it look like for you to listen first? Josh talks about the importance of starting with gratitude. What are you grateful for this season? What's going right with this team, this coach, this experience? Josh says when we have the option to give offer a critique or offer a compliment, err on the side of blessing. If you're at all like me, you have some recurring critiques for your kids. “Run faster. Hustle harder. Toughen up.” I'm not saying these might not be valid, but if they're all our children hear from us, we'll end up sending the wrong message. Josh says that the Jewish tradition of Sabbath offers a regular rhythm for him to bless his children. Do you have one? Could you start one? Where at least once a week you tell your kids they are gift to you regardless of who they are and what they've done? If you don't have one yet, put a reminder in your calendar, for the same time each week and try it. If you do, let me know how it goes.

Today's interview is with Brittany Reinbolt of the US National Bobsled Team. Brittany is a native of Southern California, but grew up in Searcy, Arkansas. While in Arkansas she spent most of my time playing soccer and running track. She attended Winona State University (in Minnesota) where she competed on the track and field team and studied Aviation and Physical Education. After college, she spent worked in the Aviation industry while playing women's full tackle football. Brittany spent two and a half years as a teacher and high school girls basketball coach in rural Augusta, Arkansas. In 2011 she made the U.S. National Bobsled Team and has been bobsledding ever since. She's currently based out of the Olympic Training Centers in both Colorado Springs, CO and Lake Placid, NY but spend most of the year traveling for training and competitions. Want to follow Brittany or Instagram or Facebook? Instagram: @reinbolt_usa Facebook: @BrittanyReinboltUSA TeamUSA Bio: https://www.teamusa.org/usa-bobsled-skeleton-federation/athletes/Brittany-Reinbolt Questions to Consider: Brittany says... “Sports is a fun thing we do. They're not who we are.” It's easy for us to lose our identity in competition. How do we make sure sports are where we find joy, but not our sense of self? “Bobsled reveals the truth in you.” What is this season teaching you about what you value? What can you celebrate? What do you need to re-evaluate? “You can be competitive without hating your competitors.” Are there athletes, clubs or teams you actively dislike? How can you bring your best game when you play them and still treat them with respect? “Don't let politics in sports make you bitter or sad.” Where have you experienced injustice in your sport? How are you processing that? “I always wanted to be an elite athlete, but I never really found the sport where I could find my niche.” Brittany had a sense that she could compete at an elite level, even before she ever tried bobsled. What does it mean for your young athlete to be a realistic dreamer? Do you have episode ideas or feedback for Steve? Instagram: @stevenorman Facebook: @stevejnorman

This episode features Molly Asmus. If you listened to Episode 5, you heard me interview her dad, Chip Asmus. Molly plays volleyball at the University of Dayton. She played volleyball and basketball for her middle school and high school teams. She started volleyball around the age of 12 on her first travel team. Molly is one of three kids in her family and has been involved in a youth group with her church since fourth grade. Questions to Consider: Molly said there was value in having friends that weren't teammates. Does your athlete have meaningful connections with peers who don't play for his or her team? Molly's parents said, “If volleyball isn't right for you, that's fine.” If your child decided to walk away from their primary sport today, could you release them to do so? If not, why not? Molly says, “It's not easy being 6'1'' in middle school.” Sometimes a child's development or ability can make them feel like they stand out. How can we make them feel more comfortable in their own skin and lean into their true God-given identity?

For this episode I had an engaging conversation with Chip Asmus. Chip and his wife, Stephanie, have been married for 24 years and have 3 kids. Chip owns a staffing firm in Metro Detroit and Stephanie is the Manager of Accounting at Maserati. His oldest daughter, Molly has been playing competitive volleyball since 7th Grade. Currently she is finishing up her first year at University of Dayton where she is a Middle Blocker on the volleyball team. His middle daughter Katy, is a huge fan of Molly and her younger brother Ben. Ben is in 8th grade and his number one sport is Baseball, but also plays football and wrestles for his school teams. When they're not driving our kids to different events, or going to watch meets, games or matches Chip and Stephanie try to keep our focus on God, Marriage, Kids and everything else. Questions To Consider: Have you taken time to evaluate the costs and benefits of your current youth sports commitments? If you say “yes” to a particular opportunity with a team, are you clear about what you're saying “no” to? Chip says his comments at games changed when he started video recording Molly's matches. He says, “The microphone is always open.” How would your comments from the sidelines change if you knew your they were being recorded? Do you currently feel a sense of community with the other families on your child's team? If so, why do you think that's the case? If not, what is one proactive step you could take this season to increase the sense of connection among these families?

In this episode I speak with Brad Griffin. Brad is the Director of the Fuller Youth Institute, where he develops research-based training for youth workers and parents. A speaker, blogger, and volunteer youth pastor, Brad is the coauthor of Growing Young, several Sticky Faith ​books, Right Click: Parenting Your Teenager in a Digital Media World, and the series Can I Ask That?: 8 Hard Questions about God and Faith.He and his family live in Southern California. The only six words parents need to say to their kids about sports—or any performanceQuestions:Brad says, “One of the things I pray over my kids every night is: I pray that know they're loved and that they'll know they're never alone.” Do you have a practice of praying with or for your kids? If not, could you use Brad's simple prayer as a model?Brad suggests coming up a with a pre-game ritual for parents to help them keep competition in perspective. If you write two or three statements to tell yourself before heading to your young athlete's game, what would they be?Brad talks about debriefing a sports season with your child when it's over. Is this something you currently do? If not, what questions would you like to ask your athlete when the season ends? If you son or daughter says they'd rather not continue, how will you respond? Why?

For this episode I had a great conversation with Dani Gordon. Dani played travel and high school soccer, youth and high school basketball, summer softball and was a competitive figure skater until she was 12. She played Division 1 college soccer at the University of Detroit, where she received a degree in mechanical engineering. Dani also coached travel soccer for over 20 years in Michigan before moving to Cincinnati. She has a 13 year old daughter who plays soccer and basketball and a 10 year old son who plays hockey and soccer. Full disclosure here, Dani was my daughter's first club soccer coach. If there's anything I've learned to do right as a sports parent, I likely picked it up from her. Dani says parent sometimes view their kid's athletic success as a status symbol. Here's some questions I'd love for you think about this week: Is my pride the reason I need my kid to win? What do I need to do to make sure my insecurities aren't bleeding into my kid's sporting experience? What steps to do I need to take to make sure I'm mindful of what's best for their well-being?

For this episode I had a great conversation with Malcolm and Marcy Blacken. Malcolm Blacken is the Director of Player Development for the Washington Redskins. He previously served as a strength and conditioning coach for the Redskins, the Detroit Lions and the University of Colorado Buffaloes He was also a running back and a four-time letter winner for Virginia Tech. Marcy Blacken has over twenty years' experience as group fitness instructor, trainer and manager in the fitness industry. Also, Marcy was my boss when I was a group fitness instructor back in the day. Yes, I taught a cycle class for 17 years. No, I don't want to talk about it. Malcolm mentions that a head coach in the NFL is responsible for who a player is on the field. But the directory of player development is responsible for who the player is off the field. Here's are some questions I want you think about this week: What would it look like for you to view yourself as the director of player development in your home? What goals do you have for your child's development as a person? What steps are you taking to pursue them?

Michael is a New York Times bestselling author, co-founder of The New Day Foundation, a non-profit serving families fighting cancer, and former co-host of the radio show, Your Family Matters, on Salem Broadcasting in Detroit. He has also been a basketball coach for more than 30 years. He and his wife Gina have raised five children, all of whom were varsity athletes. He brings a unique perspective on youth sports and plus… he's a native Chicagoan with a true appreciation for what actually constitutes a Deep Dish pizza. One excellent question Michael asks is: “What's your ‘why'? Why are you doing this?” Have you paused to answer this question as a parent? Have you stopped to ask your young athlete the same question? Are you on the same page? Do you want the same things? If the answer is “yes,” we can move forward together. If not, maybe it's time to re-evaluate what the next step is as a family.

Welcome to the Bad Soccer Dad Podcast! In this special preview episode, Steve recalled a memory from his time in youth soccer and called his mom up to get her side of the story.