Detoxicity: By Men, About Men, For Everyone

Well, folks--we made it to 200 episodes. Holy crap! First off, I'm incredibly grateful to you. Thanks for listening and providing constructive criticism. Feedback is part of what keeps me going, and I don't take the fact that you put DTP in your regular pod rotation lightly. If this is your first listen-welcome! I hope you enjoy and go back and listen to some older episodes! Second, thanks to everyone who submitted questions (a mixture of former guests and regular listeners to the show)! Your queries cover everything from my guest wishlist to my feelings about hip-hop to coming out as a queer person in a heteronormative primary relationship. I appreciate the thought you put into your questions, and I hope my answers aren't too long-winded! Of course, I'm always happy to hear what you think of the episode, so drop me a line or a DM! And see you at Episode 201!

I'm very happy to welcome my friend Ty McKinnie back to the show. Listen to his first appearance here. Originally from Atlanta, Ty works in the music industry as a creative as well as an executive. He released his album Tyrie last year, and I highly recommend it! It's Black Music Month and Pride Month, and Ty stands proudly at the intersection. We talk about how his queerness informs the music he makes, and how he aims to be seen as a representative for a section of the music listening audience he doesn't see well-represented. Ty also fancies himself a "late bloomer" (it's the title of one of his songs), and we go deep into that and how he's come to terms with it. Additionally, we go deep on impostor syndrome, performance anxiety (as a creative, not what you're thinking!) and we talk about joy as a form of resistance. I really hope you enjoy our conversation! Drop a line, find me on socials (detoxpodguy) and let me know what you think!

Backline.care is an organization that aims to provide mental health resources for humans in the music industry, and they have done great things since emerging in 2019. One of the people at the helm of that change is their clinical director, Ari Jacobson. In our chat, Ari takes us through his origin story; we talk about how he joined Backline and go through the circuitous route that led to him becoming a mental health professional in the first place. We discuss his upbringing in Baltimore, his background working in some of that city's toughest environments, and what he learned from those experiences. We also discuss his approach to his own mental health, the value he places on close relationships with friends and family, and what it's like to raise two boys in 2025. I'm very grateful to Ari for his time, and listeners, please drop a comment or a DM if you enjoyed this conversation!

Earlier this year, I interviewed Tyson Allred, the co-founder of Dad Bods and Beards. I've been impressed with DBAB's mission since I found out about them on Instagram through their creative, heartwarming and often funny Reels. Logan is the other half of Dad Bods and Beards, and our chat covers quite a bit of ground: from his bipolar diagnosis and the cop that saved his life to his ongoing fitness journey. From his passionate (and much appreciated) support of the queer community to the power of ketamine (which is starting to become a semi-recurring theme with this podcast), to his experience as a formerly practicing Mormon, Logan keeps it real, with more than a dash of humor and a shit ton of authenticity (real authenticity, not social media/marketing authenticity). I hope some of what Logan talks about resonates. I look forward to having him back for more! Hope you enjoy the listen. And find out more about Dad Bods and Beards here!

I recorded this interview with Greg Burmeister back in October. Because of everything that happened at the beginning of November (you know what I'm talking about), I put this one on the shelf for a while before coming back to it and remembering how good a conversation it was. Greg co-hosts the podcast "Talking Schmidt", which I was lucky enough to appear on last fall. He is also the second (at least) DetoxPod guest to have worked with (for?) the legend David Letterman. Greg and I chat about moving from Minnesota to New York City, a near-death experience that changed his life forever, living rent-free in NYC (a hell of a life hack), music as therapy, and more. Follow Greg on IG at "greghello". Would love to hear what you think of this episode! Sound off in the comments, and enjoy the chat!

Hope you are doing as well as can be given current times. Remember, we are stronger together! Community remains of utmost importance! I'm excited to bring you my conversation with Tom Gentry. Tom is not only a treasured friend, but he's a counselor specializing in addiction. He's also a passionate advocate for progressive masculinity, which makes him a perfect fit for Detoxpod! Tom and I chat about his own experience as an addict and what drove him to recovery. We talk about familial cycles and how the things we learn growing up can affect us without even knowing it. Tom and I chat about the term "toxic masculinity" and how using those words can sometimes negatively obscure the work that we do. And there's so much more! Check out Tom's website and his podcast. Hope you get something positive out of this conversation. Feel free to drop me a line and share your thoughts!

Hi Friends! Happy to bring you the latest episode, starring Rodney McCoy AKA Daddy Rod. Rod's appearance (I'm pretty sure) marks the first instance of a romantic couple appearing in back to back episodes, as he is the partner of 2x DetoxPod guest Damon Jacobs. Like Damon, Rodney is an activist for sexual health. But he has a story all his own. Rod and I connect over our shared Brooklyn upbringing, and the unique local pride that stays with you even when you move away. Rod also shares his coming out story, tying it in with familial hypocrisy and an understanding of the times (late '80s/early '90s). We also discuss issues around consent, and how a greater discussion needs to take place in sex positive circles that include gay and bi men. Of course, it's all part of our shared quest to expand the definitions of what masculinity means so that it calls in, rather than excludes. It's the first of what I'm pretty sure will be several conversations we have for this pod. Also, Rod has his own podcast called "Listen to Daddy" that you can check out here!

I'm happy to welcome my friend Damon Jacobs BACK to the show, on a less-than-ten-episode turnaround. Damon is an NYC-based therapist who also hosts a great podcast called Tub Talks, and has been on the frontline of queer advocacy and STI (specifically HIV) awareness for years. Damon and I reconnect to talk about life in the new American presidential administration, and how to keep your wits about you when it seems like the world is falling apart. We discuss spirituality in depth, and it was really interesting to hear how someone else approaches their relationship with the universe. Of course, the topic of maintaining and cultivating community comes up, as I feel like it's an essential part of enjoying life even in the best of times and becomes even more important as we navigate turmoil. I'll admit to not being in a great place when this episode was recorded (I haven't been in a great place for most of 2025 if we're being honest), and Damon's words were enough to give me a re-think about how I'm getting through these days. I hope you get something uplifting and hopeful out of this episode. Feel free to leave me a comment and let me know what you think!

I'm super excited to bring you this conversation with Tyson Allred. Tyson is the founder of Copper John's, a natural men's grooming and beard care brand. He is also half of the team that makes up Dad Bods and Beards (hey, I have both of those!), which is a community and podcast centered around positive portrayals of masculinity and the acknowledgment of the work it takes to overcome some of the more toxic elements of being socialized male (hmm...sounds familiar?) Tyson and his partner Logan do it from a whiter, straighter lens, which I think might move the needle in Red America a little more than I might be able to. Tyson and I discuss everything from body positivity to cold plunges to work/life balance to the mission of Dad Bods and Beards--stuff we usually cover on this pod, but the experiences of our guests make these topics unique to every episode, and my chat with Tyson is no exception. We also chat a little bit about my queer journey, and give the DBAB team props for being allies (which I imagine is not easy to do when you're Mormon and in Utah). I hope you enjoy our conversation. Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

I'm happy to welcome my friend John Hill back to the podcast. He originally appeared on Episode 128, which was released in December 2022. That feels like a fucking lifetime ago. At any rate, it was good to catch up for the pod. John and I chat about a lot of things; including his bodybuilding journey, the current political climate (and dealing with a conservative parent), navigating popular culture as a middle aged person, and I ask John to sell me on Denver (which is on my list of cities to visit in 2025). Feel free to comment with your thoughts. I hope you enjoy the episode!

In this episode of Detoxicity, I welcome Rob Cohen back to the pod for a crossover episode. Rob first appeared in Episode 153, at which time Rob was promoting his podcast Two Bi Guys and his book Bisexual Married Men. The main impetus behind us recording together again was to discuss our recent experiences with alternative therapies, including ketamine and ayahuasca, and how these experiences relate to our journeys with masculinity and mental health. While these therapies aren't necessarily everyone's cup of tea, I'd say we both gained some interesting insights on account of these experiences. Alternative medicines aside, we also discuss the importance of surrendering to emotions, the fluidity of change, and the need for safe spaces for men to explore vulnerability and masculinity more than ever in society. Our dialogue also touches on redefining personal goals and ambitions in light of newfound insights and connections with the universe. A slightly different edit of this same episode appears on Rob's podcast as well, making this a rare multi-podcast crossover. Hope you enjoy!

Hi Folks, Marco is a group organizer for the polyamorous/non monogamous community here in Brooklyn. This is how he and I met. Digging a little deeper, Marco is now underway in a new and interesting career, as a surrogate partner. What is a surrogate partner, you ask? Well...listen to the episode to find out. You can also get a little more info about what Marco does here. I've been fortunate enough to get to know a lot of people from wildly disparate backgrounds over the course of my life, but Marco is the first person I've met that hails from North Dakota, and we get a little insight on his experience in that environment as well as being a first-generation American. We also talk about bi/pansexuality, what it means to him, and how he (and I) often feels a bit out of place within queer male culture. Hope you enjoy the conversation! As always, feel free to like, share and comment!

Happy New Year, friends! Our first episode of 2025 spotlights Courtney Brame, who is doing a ton of work around men's mental health and erasing STI stigma. He's the founder of SPFPP (Something Positive for Positive People), which supports people who are living with herpes. He also founded SELFED, which promotes emotional wellness for men and recently hosted a symposium for Black men's emotional wellness, which is how he and I came into contact. Our conversation sits at the intersection of race, sexuality and wellness. We discuss Courtney's journey to becoming an educator, we ponder whether safety might be an issue with regards to the lack of straight Black men in wellness spaces, we talk about yoga therapy and changing the face of what yoga is to make it accessible to others, and we talk about cancel culture and how that can kill curiosity. Hope you enjoy this conversation!

Tristan More and I have been friends for over a decade. We've touched on a lot of the topics we discuss over the course of this conversation many times over the years, but never this much in depth. Through the hour we spend together, we chat about everything from grief and loss to the evolution of our particular relationship. The meat of the episode, I think, relates to Tristan's evolution as a spiritual being and his struggles with the ways Christianity is practiced in the present day. We don't talk about this at all in the episode, by the way, but it's probably worth mentioning that Tristan has a podcast called Interjections that you should also check out. I hope you enjoy our conversation!

Hey Folks! Happy to bring you an episode co-starring "Fin", the co-host of the podcast Normalizing NonMonogamy. He, with his spouse "Emma", also leads a community of hundreds of other polyamorous, non-monogamous, and lifestyle-curious people. Fin and I discuss his journey through nonmonogamy, which started back in his college days. We chat about creating and cultivating community and being a container for the feelings and emotions of others. We also talk about Fin's personal journey, which includes repression, dealing with loss, and issues with control and trust, and how this all came to a head (as it did for a lot of us) at the height of the pandemic. I hope you enjoy our conversation!

Hey Folks! I'm excited to bring you this latest conversation, starring Damon L Jacobs, a licensed marriage and family therapist. In our chat, we discuss the intersection of mental health and sexual health. Damon shares shis personal journey of growing up gay, the impact of the AIDS crisis, and the evolution of sexual health awareness. He emphasizes the importance of body image, self-acceptance, and the role of pleasure in relationships, while also addressing the cultural influences on sexuality and the shift towards non-monogamy. The conversation highlights the significance of community, vulnerability, and finding joy and purpose in life, culminating in Damon's YouTube series "Tub Talks" that fosters open and honest discussions.

Nore Davis is a comedian, writer and actor. He has appeared on "Succession", "Boardwalk Empire", and "Last Week Tonight", in addition to a lengthy list of talk show appearances. His new special Element: A Solo Show Film is available on his website and covers several of the topics we wind up talking about in this episode. Our conversation explores themes of healing, emotional vulnerability, and the impact of trauma on individuals and communities. We touch on the influence of religion and the intergenerational transmission of trauma. Nore and I touch on everything from superheroes and tattoos to inner child healing, the impact of family dynamics, the fear of being alone, and the importance of self-awareness. We also touch on the concept of freedom after death and the legacy we leave behind. Nore is a thoughtful, deep cat. I hope you enjoy our conversation.

I first interviewed comedian and writer Josh Gondelman way back in Episode 39, a conversation that took place nearly four years ago. So we had a lot to catch up on. We talk about the world opening back up and how that's had an effect on Josh's career and personal life.  I give a shout out to his substack newsletter, and what it feels like to give advice (or more accurately: pep talks) to others. The conversation delves into empathy, social interactions, and the importance of understanding different perspectives. In this part of the conversation, Josh and I discuss the importance of growing and cultivating community. They talk about maintaining friendships and being upfront about friendship intentions. Josh emphasizes the value of being a fan of your friends and using social media mindfully to support and appreciate others. We also touch on the reticence towards earnestness and the societal pressure to be cool or aloof. I do like the zero and five birthdays, and in advance of Josh's upcoming 4-0, we talk about what that milestone feels like for him. Josh is an amazing talented (and kind) human, and I'm psyched to welcome him back to the show.

In this episode, I'm chatting with Jayson Greene, a journalist and author based in Brooklyn, NY. Jayson is probably most-well known as a senior editor at the influential music site Pitchfork, and we kick off our conversation by discussing what got him into music journalism and writing in general. Jayson's memoir, “Once More We Saw Stars” is a tragic account of loss, and we also touch on that. The greater part of the conversation, though, focuses on societal expectations of masculinity and how it's impacted both our lives. Jayson shares his personal experiences of being bullied and feeling like he didn't fit (and still doesn't fit) the traditional masculine mold. How does that traditional masculine mold help us or hurt us? How does not subscribing to gender norms affect the way we walk through the world, the way we interact with others, the way we parent? What does queerness mean? Jayson also asks me some fairly probing questions that cause me to think about issues like psychological safety and how I interact with that concept in my regular life. It's a really great conversation, and an hour in, we realized that there was no way we were gonna touch on everything we wanted to in the time we had. So stay tuned for part 2, coming soon! Jayson's IG: greenejayson

Hi Friends! In this episode, I interview Isaac Knox, a comedian and freestyle rapper (and Guinness world record holder!) Isaac shares his journey of becoming a freestyle rapper (because, do people dream about doing this as kids?) and his decision to move to New York. Isaac shares stories about intentionally living in his car for fairly lengthy periods of time-- on two occasions, and emphasizes the importance of staying connected to communities and institutions that need change, rather than completely disengaging. Isaac speaks passionately about his faith and being connected to the church. He also reflects on his personal journey of healing and growth after the end of his marriage. I hope you enjoy!

Hi Friends! In this episode, I'm talking to my buddy Bryan Dunn . During our conversation, Bryan chats about his experiences growing up as a military brat (and the enhanced worldview that afforded him), and his fairly recent move from Brooklyn to upstate New York. He reflects on the social pressures and obligations of living in a big city, especially when you're in a creative field. Bryan also shares his journey as a musician and the shift in mindset that led him to be content with his artistic path. We chat a bit about middle-aged guy shit, taking care of your physical and mental health and what that looks like as one ages. We also delve into the complexities of dealing with hurtful behavior and the roles of forgiveness and growth. It's a really involved, really vulnerable conversation, and I hope you enjoy it!

Hey everyone! I'm bringing back my friend Ryan Bentham, who some of you may know from having appeared in three previous Detox episodes, and who others may know from the Life on the Swingset podcast. Ryan (AKA Prof) and I talk (somewhat loosely) about sexy stuff, but we also talk about his long road back from a major health setback and how going through the experience changed his life. We talk about almost being an empty nester and what it feels like having raised two successful adult men. What does communication mean to him these days? What does gratitude mean? All this and more during our conversation. Hope you enjoy!

Brian and I befriended one another nearly two decades ago, and while we've been peripherally in touch in the years since our work relationship ended, we had our first face-to-face LONG conversation in quite some time earlier this year. Turns out Brian's made some moves since our early days. Now based in L.A., Brian discusses his upbringing, talks about his early days in the music industry (not to mention his first months and years as a New Yorker), and shares how he (accidentally) stumbled into education. It was great to reconnect and get some more context into his life. I hope you enjoy this episode!

I'm excited to welcome Benjamin Wagner back to the show! Ben is a musician and filmmaker who, in previous lives, was a high-ranking exec at MTV News as well as at what is now Meta (Facebook, Instagram, etc). Ben recently completed a film called "Friends and Neighbors", in which he charts his own journey through abuse and trauma. We talk a bit about the process of confronting such a personal topic on screen and inviting loved ones to take an active part in the journey. Zooming out from that, we also talk about the life changes Ben has made in recent years, including uprooting himself and his family and transitioning out of corporate America, and what that's done for his mental health. It's a really good conversation (and the movie's good too, I hope you all watch it once a streaming deal has been reached). Feel free to comment and share your thoughts!

Chad and I go back at least fifteen years. When we met, he was working for a gospel label, but he didn't have the "holier than thou" attitude a lot of Christians have. We became friendly, and I became more intrigued as I got to know his life a little better. He's the son of missionaries, grew up in Papua New Guinea, he's the parent of a Black child. We discuss all of this during our conversation, as well as delving into how the racial uprising of 2020 turned into a major inflection point. We also discuss issues surrounding insecurity, struggles with faith, and...to cover a fairly regular topic, how he's sustained by having (and cultivating!) a community of other men. Enjoy our conversation!

With this appearance, my friend Kevin A. Patterson ties the record for most Detoxicity appearances. This is his fourth time on the pod, and my man drops gems every time. Kevin is the author of "Love's Not Color Blind; Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Relationships", he co-authors the "For Hire" series of graphic novels, and he runs the site Poly Role Models. This typically wide-ranging conversation covers everything from parenting challenges to relationship pointers to how we feel as two guys who grew up with '90s hip hop and lyrical content that's sometimes a little cringe. I hope you have as much fun listening as we did chatting!

In this episode, Cameron Mazzeo, a NJ-based licensed clinical social worker, shares his personal journey and what inspired him to create a private practice that caters to alternative lifestyles and relationships. Cameron and I discuss the importance of expanding his practice to include other communities, such as the kink community and ethically non-monogamous relationships. Cameron emphasizes the value of authenticity and representation in the mental health field and shares stories of individuals (including himself) who have befriended and changed the perspectives of those with opposing views. He also advocates for the inclusion of LGBTQ narratives in education from a young age. This conversation explores the importance of promoting inclusion and diversity, the need for education and exposure to different cultures and ways of life, and the challenges of challenging stereotypes and prejudices. It also discusses the need for diversity in the mental health field and improving access to mental health services. Our conversation also delves into the experiences of navigating gender transition, relearning gender norms and expectations, and the impact of body positivity and body shame. Cameron's got a lot to say (this interview is on the longer side), but in the end there was too much good stuff to edit out. I hope you feel the same way!

I don't need to throw out content warnings for this show anymore, right? It's pretty well-known that heavy stuff is discussed here. In this particular episode, Tony Pacitti shares his experience of becoming a father, and dealing with his wife's postpartum depression and psychosis all in the shadow of the COVID-19 pandemic's early days. It's a lot for a new father to deal with (understatement of the century) but, Tony managed to find support from his family and friends and eventually reached a point of relative normalcy. Tony highlights the importance of trust and communication in relationships and goes deep on the challenges of parenting twins. He also emphasizes the relative lack of support groups for new dads, the need for more, and what he's doing to keep the conversation going. Tony reflects on his own childhood and what it's like to raise two AMAB children in 2024. There's a lot of ground covered, and I hope that you enjoy our conversation!

In this episode, I chat with Matt Kovachis, who is a life coach and the host of the podcast "The Men in The Arena". Matt shares his journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Matt talks about the pivotal moments that led him to make changes in his life, including ending a long-term relationship. He emphasizes the importance of seeking support and the power of therapy in his transformation. Matt also explains why he started a podcast and how it has allowed him to help others. He highlights the significance of embracing discomfort and personal growth, and shares his decision to pursue coaching as a way to connect with and guide others. We discuss the importance of shedding old friendships that no longer serve us and relying on folks that offer us support. . He offers advice for others who may be at a similar inflection point in their lives and shares his goals for the remainder of 2024 and beyond. Enjoy our conversation!

In this episode, Tarik Carroll (AKA AMIR), a Brooklyn-based creative, photographer, musician, and fat liberation activist, shares his journey of self-discovery and healing through art. He discusses the intersection of photography and music in his life and the role of art in his healing process. Tarik also delves into the concept of fat liberation and the challenges of navigating fetishization in media as well as within the queer community. He shares his experiences with identity and sexuality, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and setting boundaries in relationships. We also discuss his goals for the future, finding balance and self-compassion, establishing a morning routine and setting boundaries, and his upcoming music project 'Three of Swords.'

I'm super psyched to welcome actor and creator Ned Donovan back to the show. Ned first appeared back in Episode 49, recorded at the height of the pandemic, and discussed the loss of his parents, a medical hiccup in his performing career, and growing up in Maine.   In this conversation, Ned catches us up on the last three years in his life and shares his journey in acting, production, and his personal life. He discusses his experiences with fertility challenges and the emotional rollercoaster of undergoing surgeries, IVF cycles, and the search for a sperm donor. Despite setbacks and obstacles, Ned remains resilient and determined to start a family. This conversation explores the emotional toll, financial struggles, and societal expectations surrounding fertility treatment. The couple shares their journey of failed IVF and IUIs, miscommunication and mistakes made by the medical industry, and the disparity in support and options for women. They discuss the impact on their relationship and the challenges of balancing personal success with their partner's struggles. The conversation highlights the importance of being present and supportive as a partner, getting tested for fertility issues, and finding humor in the dark moments. It also sheds light on the financial burden of fertility treatment and the ineptitude of the healthcare system. The conversation explores the challenges of salaries in the entertainment industry and the broader issue of capitalism. Takeaways Fertility challenges can be emotionally and physically draining, requiring perseverance and support. The IVF process can be complex and expensive, involving multiple procedures and tests. Having a supportive partner and a strong support system is crucial during fertility struggles. Exploring alternative options, such as sperm donation and adoption, can provide hope and new possibilities. Fertility treatment can take a significant emotional toll on both partners, and it is important to be present and supportive throughout the process. Miscommunication and mistakes made by the medical industry can exacerbate the already challenging journey of fertility treatment. Societal expectations of manhood and fertility can be deeply ingrained, and it is important to unpack and challenge these beliefs. Balancing personal success with a partner's struggles can be difficult, but open communication and empathy are key. Getting tested for fertility issues is important for both partners, as male infertility can also be a factor. Finding humor in the dark moments can help navigate the emotional challenges of fertility treatment. The financial burden of fertility treatment can be significant, and access to affordable options is limited. Many people in the entertainment industry struggle to make a living wage, even with multiple jobs. The current system of capitalism is seen as a nightmare that perpetuates inequality. There is a need for systemic change to address the issues of salaries and income inequality.

Josh Antonuccio is the director of the school of media studies at Ohio University, and as such, encounters hundreds of impressionable young folks annually to help advance them in their media careers. Josh also runs the university's annual Music Industry Summit, an annual event that has brought legends like Run the Jewels and Jason Isbell to the institution to share their knowledge. Josh, himself, is a renowned musician, producer and engineer with his own studio in the Ohio town of Athens.   In this conversation, Mike and Josh discuss various topics related to building trust, the importance of face-to-face conversations, the power of collaboration and creativity, encouraging openness and pursuing passions, finding center through breathing and faith, and the flow state and the power of creativity. Takeaways Building good relationships requires trust, honesty, and consistency. Face-to-face conversations are essential for meaningful connections and personal transformation. Collaboration with passionate and driven individuals can lead to creative breakthroughs. Encouraging openness and supporting children's passions can lead to personal growth and fulfillment. Finding center through breathing, meditation, and faith can help navigate challenging situations. Engaging in creative activities can bring about a flow state and a sense of timelessness.

In this conversation, Mike and Kristopher discuss various aspects of sexuality, intimacy, and personal growth. They explore alternative options for intimacy and healing, such as working with certified sexual bodyworkers. They also discuss the importance of making sexual wellness more accessible to the average person. The conversation delves into reaching those who haven't started doing the work of personal growth and expanding the narrative of sexuality in aging. They also address the challenges of dealing with erectile dysfunction and body changes, and the impact of diet and lifestyle on sexual health. The conversation concludes with a discussion on creating special spaces for intimacy and taking pride in appearance and self-care. Takeaways Consider alternative options for intimacy and healing, such as working with certified sexual bodyworkers or somatic sex educators. Make sexual wellness more accessible and affordable to the average person, similar to psychology and therapy. Reach out to those who haven't started doing the work of personal growth and provide resources and support. Address inner needs beyond physical pleasure to achieve holistic sexual health and integration. Expand the narrative of sexuality in aging and recognize the value of experience in sexual mastery. Explore the impact of diet, lifestyle, and exercises on sexual health and address issues like erectile dysfunction. Consider using toys and tools to enhance sexual experiences and explore new possibilities. Create special spaces for intimacy and prioritize self-care to enhance sexual relationships. Navigate the challenges of dealing with the shadow feminine and develop tools for healthy communication and boundaries. Embrace personal growth as a continuous journey and accept the challenges that come with it.

In this conversation, multi-hyphenate Elliot Aronow discusses his work in helping men advance spiritually, creatively, and sartorially. He highlights the problem of stereotyping men's work and the importance of breaking free from societal expectations. Elliot shares his personal journey, from his early interest in fashion to his career in media and music. He emphasizes the significance of taking initiative and making things happen, as well as the role of personal style in self-expression. Elliot also discusses the challenges he faced in his 30s and the importance of community and creative pursuits in personal growth. The conversation explores various themes related to masculinity and community-building. It touches on the subcultures of people with Staten Island roots, the need to widen the spectrum of masculine expression, and the misconceptions about men's work. The discussion also highlights the lack of empathy for men and the failure to speak to men on the progressive side. It explores the importance of creating an alternative to right-wing masculinity and motivating men without shame. The conversation emphasizes the value of male community, rediscovering unstructured time, and the need for intergenerational male relationships. It concludes with a discussion on the importance of taking the lead in building male community and the need for a constructive clubhouse. Takeaways Stereotyping men's work is a significant problem that limits personal growth and self-discovery. Taking initiative and making things happen is crucial for personal and professional success. Personal style and fashion can be powerful tools for self-expression and building confidence. Navigating the dark night of the ego and facing personal challenges can lead to profound personal growth. Talk therapy alone may not be sufficient for personal transformation; creative pursuits and action are essential for manifesting change. Building a supportive community and having strong leadership are key factors in personal development. There are different subcultures of people with Staten Island roots, such as the Jiu-Jitsu community and colonic hydrotherapists. Men's work needs to widen its spectrum of expression to be more accessible and appealing to a broader audience. Misconceptions about men's work include the association with hating women or wilderness retreats, which can deter people from engaging in self-development. There is a lack of empathy for men, especially post-MeToo, which can lead to men feeling misunderstood and isolated. The progressive side has failed to speak to men effectively, leading some to seek validation and acceptance from right-wing ideologies. Creating an alternative to right-wing masculinity involves promoting a positive and inclusive definition of masculinity that does not demonize men. Motivating men without shame involves allowing them to be themselves and providing spaces for open and honest conversations. Building male community is essential for men's well-being and can be achieved through regular interactions and shared activities. Rediscovering unstructured time and engaging in vigorous nerditude can foster creativity, connection, and personal growth. Intergenerational male relationships are valuable for learning from different perspectives and experiences. Taking the lead in building male community requires individuals to step up and create spaces for connection and support. There is a need for a constructive clubhouse or salon-type event for men to gather, share ideas, and build relationships. Authenticity and unfocused writing can create a genuine and relatable connection with readers.

In the name of starting 2024 on a path of personal betterment and delivering positive, powerful messages I am psyched to welcome Ethan Schiff to the show. Ethan is an integrative health coach (find out what that is when you listen), and discusses the importance of connecting emotional and physical health. He shares his personal journey of weight loss and self-discovery, highlighting the need for a holistic and practical approach to health goals. Schiff also addresses the fear-based culture in the music industry and the challenges of setting boundaries. He emphasizes the importance of unlearning conditioning and embracing authenticity. The conversation explores the concept of self-complexity and the ability to contain multitudes. Schiff encourages individuals to become who they truly are and separate their identity from their profession. In this conversation, Mike and Ethan Schiff discuss body image and the journey of self-acceptance. They explore how body image can change throughout weight loss and the challenges that come with it. They also discuss the importance of shifting from a need to change mindset to one of acceptance. The conversation delves into male body dysmorphia and the lack of conversation around it. They emphasize the need to normalize these conversations and create a safe space for discussing body image. Finally, they talk about coping mechanisms and the importance of self-awareness in taking care of oneself and setting boundaries. Takeaways Integrative health coaching focuses on connecting emotional and physical health to achieve holistic well-being. Quick fixes are not sustainable and often stem from feelings of inadequacy. Setting small, achievable goals and building momentum is key to long-term success. The music industry's fear-based culture and lack of boundaries can lead to burnout and neglect of personal well-being. Unlearning conditioning and embracing authenticity are essential for personal growth and self-discovery. Body image can change throughout weight loss and it can be challenging to navigate. Shifting from a need to change mindset to one of acceptance is important for self-acceptance. Male body dysmorphia is a common but often invisible challenge that needs more conversation and support. Normalizing conversations around body image is crucial for creating a safe space for discussion. Coping mechanisms can temporarily cover up emotions, but self-awareness and addressing the underlying feelings is essential for long-term well-being. Showing up for oneself involves being intentional about recognizing and articulating one's feelings and needs. Taking care of oneself and setting boundaries is an act of self-care and should be normalized.

Justin Levinson, a music industry professional and author, shares his journey of mentorship, service, and maintaining a positive mindset. Growing up in a multicultural household, Justin recognized the impact of music educators and mentors in his life. He emphasizes the importance of balance, service, and self-love in his personal and professional growth. Justin's experience with brain cancer further deepened his commitment to helping others and spreading positivity. He discusses the challenges of building meaningful relationships and the need for open conversations. Justin's mission is to inspire others to make the world a better place and find joy in their own lives. In this conversation, Justin Levenson discusses his career options, the value of therapy, dealing with money issues, gaining perspective through personal experiences, finding support and mentorship, and self-care practices. He also talks about celebrating transformation.   Takeaways Mentorship and service play a crucial role in personal and professional growth. Balancing work, life, and service is essential for overall well-being. Self-love and acceptance are key to maintaining a positive mindset. Open and honest conversations are necessary for building meaningful relationships. Consider exploring different career options and finding what aligns with your strengths and passions. Therapy can provide valuable insights and an unbiased perspective on personal challenges. Money issues can be emotionally challenging, but it's important to have a healthy relationship with money and seek support when needed. Personal experiences, such as illness, can lead to personal growth and a shift in perspective. Finding support and mentorship can be instrumental in navigating life's challenges. Self-care practices, such as exercise, mindfulness, and healthy eating, can contribute to overall well-being. Celebrating personal transformation and milestones can be a meaningful way to reflect on growth and progress.

Mark Marshall shares his journey from growing up in a small town in Pennsylvania to becoming a successful musician and composer in New York City. He discusses the challenges of living with disabilities and the impact of a toxic environment on his life. Mark's love for music and his desire to escape his situation led him to pursue a career in music. Moving to New York City provided him with the freedom and opportunities he had always longed for. Despite the negative experiences he has faced, Mark has found strength and support in his wife Abby and continues to move forward in his musical journey. In this conversation, Mark Marshall discusses his journey of self-reflection and personal growth, seeking therapy and support, navigating family dynamics and relationships, balancing multiple roles and responsibilities, and finding relaxation and balance in his life. Takeaways Living in a toxic environment can have a profound impact on one's mental and emotional well-being. Financial wealth does not guarantee happiness; quality of life and personal fulfillment are more important. New York City offers a sense of freedom and acceptance for individuals who feel like outcasts in their hometowns. Overcoming adversity requires self-awareness, therapy, and the support of loved ones. Music can be a powerful outlet for expressing emotions and finding solace in difficult times. Self-reflection and self-awareness are crucial for personal growth and breaking free from negative patterns. Seeking therapy and support can be transformative and help in overcoming challenges. Family dynamics can have a significant impact on one's well-being and relationships. Balancing multiple roles and responsibilities requires adaptability and diversification of skills. Finding moments of relaxation and balance is essential for mental and emotional well-being.  

Robert Brooks Cohen, is a screenwriter, podcaster (Two Bi Guys), and the author of the new book "Bisexual Married Men: Stories of Relationships, Acceptance and Authenticity". In this episode of Detoxicity, Rob shares his journey of self-discovery and acceptance as a bisexual man. He discusses the challenges faced by bisexual men and the shifting attitudes towards bisexuality in society. Rob emphasizes the importance of building a queer community and the benefits of in-person connections. He also explores the dynamics of mixed-orientation marriages and the exploration of non-monogamy. Rob reflects on imposter syndrome and the integration of his pre-coming out and post-coming out life. He concludes by discussing the role of masculinity in his identity and the importance of authenticity. In this conversation, Rob and Mike discuss various aspects of self-acceptance and personal growth. They explore the importance of acknowledging and accepting one's sexuality, taking baby steps towards self-acceptance, and the continued evolution and self-discovery that comes with embracing one's true self. They also touch on the addictive nature of "Law & Order: SVU" (one of the shows that Rob has written for) and the impact of meeting role models who embody qualities one sees in themselves. Overall, the conversation highlights the significance of modeling behavior and living authentically. Follow Rob on Instagram. Takeaways Building a supportive queer community is crucial for self-acceptance and personal growth. Challenging societal norms and expectations can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life. Open and honest communication is essential in navigating relationships and exploring non-monogamy. Accepting and embracing one's true identity can help overcome imposter syndrome and promote self-confidence. Masculinity should be defined by authenticity and being true to oneself, rather than conforming to societal expectations. Acknowledging and accepting one's sexuality is a crucial step towards self-acceptance and personal growth. Taking baby steps towards self-acceptance is a valid and effective approach. Self-discovery and personal evolution are ongoing processes. Meeting role models who embody qualities one sees in themselves can have a profound impact on personal growth and self-acceptance. Modeling behavior and living authentically is important for oneself and for others.

Nick Gordon is a veteran music executive and is also the owner and proprietor of Love, Velma, a music and lifestyle venue in Ellenville, NY. Over the course of our conversation, Nick traces his history in the music industry and discusses how he's managed a lot of the potentially damaging habits that come with the rock and roll lifestyle. He also discusses the importance of community (y'all know that's a favorite topic of mine), his continued interest in fashion, and what he likes to call "ethical hedonism". Hope you enjoy Nick's story!

Content warning: Graphic discussions about physical and emotional abuse, and suicide. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 3 women is a victim of physical intimate partner violence at some point in their life. Sadly, I don't think that's a surprising statitistic. What you might find surprising is that 1 in 4 men is a victim of physical intimate partner violence. I would imagine that a lot of intimate partner violence among men-particularly in a heteronormative framework-goes unreported because so many men are embarrassed to report it and, in many cases, are socialized to ignore or not recognize the signs of abusive behavior.   Back in Episode 141, we talked to Micah R, who shared his journey through everything from homelessness to his life as a transgender man. Unfortunately, shortly after our episode was released, Micah lost his brother Jeffrey to suicide. Now, Micah and his sister Stephanie are sharing their brother's story as someone who was involved in a toxic relationship fraught with emotional and sometimes physical abuse. This is a heavy conversation about heavy topics, but I really hope that folks-no matter their gender or the gender of their partner- listen and if they see themselves in any of the situations we discuss, evaluate their lives and relationships and do what they can to get into a better place.   If you are experiencing Domestic Abuse, please call 1-800-799-7233.

I do most of the sourcing when it comes to finding guests for the show, but every once in a while a friend surprises me by saying "hey, I'd like to be a guest". That was the case with my dude Almar Reyes, who I've known for something going on twenty years via the internet. Almar is a Bay-Area based veteran of the tech world, and is most recently adjusting to life as an empty-nester after raising two kids. That forms the basis of our conversation, although we detour plenty along the way. Other topics we cover include everything from being a military brat to the reality of cultural minorities often being severely prejudiced against other cultural minorities. I'm really glad Almar hit me up, because he proved to be a fantastic interview! You can find him on most socials as AlmarSezStuff. 

Chris Loper is a habit coach based in the Pacific Northwest. What is a habit coach, I bet you're asking. Well, listen to the episode and it'll all be explained to you :-) Chris is also a self-proclaimed adrenaline junkie and we talk about how his penchant for thrill-seeking led him down a bad path, only to come to a head after a near-death experience. His journey from there to here is also documented in a memoir, entitled Wood Floats and Other Brilliant Observations. Chris's most recent endeavor, Smart College Habits, combines academic and habit coaching to help students thrive in college. Addiction, recovery, living life lightly, it's all covered in this conversation. I hope you enjoy!

I am absolutely thrilled to welcome Dave Holmes to the podcast. You might know Dave as an MTV VJ and host of TRL, you might know him as an author (his memoir, Party of One, is excellent), you might be familiar with his work as an actor, podcaster, even as an advice columnist. Dave's relatability and his pop culture obsessiveness have contributed to a decades-long stint in the public eye. Our conversation covers everything from struggles with sexuality to wanting to build an empire for the future to living a full life with a chronic illness (in this case, diabetes). I quiz Dave about his obsession with running, meeting Huey Lewis, and much more. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did! Find Dave on IG here.  

Bill Harrison is a licensed therapist working in the Chicago area. He specializes in men's issues, and works primarily (although not exclusively) with creatives/people in the arts. Bill has also spent many years working as an artist himself. Prior to devoting himself to mental health, he was a successful gigging musician. Our conversation follows Bill's journey from traveling troubadour through his own mental health journey and ultimately deciding to help others for a living. We also talk a lot about Bill's book, "Making the Low Notes: A Life in Music", (also here), and how writing has helped him give voice to his feelings.

Grammy nominated singer/songwriter YAWNYBLEW visited us for Episode 134, and folks enjoyed our conversation so much that I got several requests to bring him back. Well, what our listeners want, our listeners get! My second conversation with Yawny focuses on the ups and downs of the music industry and how he has struggled to maintain mental health practices due to the stress of having to survive as a working creative. Yawny and I also talk about his circle of male friends and how even in a private group it's hard to have those "real" conversations. We also discuss the need for life resets, which for Yawny is manifesting itself in a summer-long road trip. You can find YAWNYBLEW on Instagram, or you can follow his podcast, BIIGGER THAN OUR DREAMS. 

This episode features my friend Sonny Harding. He's based in the Atlanta area, and in addition to being a drummer and a fairly new Dad, he's also a high school teacher. Education is a profession that fascinates me, and I ask Sonny how he picked that as a vocation and we also talk about the generational divide that naturally exists between teachers and students. We also go into some depth about Sonny's Southern upbringing and common misconceptions that some of us Northeners (read: me) may have about people who live below the Mason/Dixon line. Those are just a couple of the topics we cover over the course of what I think is a very entertaining conversation. I hope you enjoy it!

Hi everyone! This episode features counselor/therapist Tommy Mattera, who is based out in California. He specializes in men's work, helping men through issues with relationships, anxiety, depression and raising families. I'm endlessly curious about what drives mental health professionals to choose their work, and Tommy talks about the experiences that led him to pursue mental health as a vocation. We also talk about processing anger and uncomfortable feelings, and go deep on male loneliness and friendships and he discusses his own difficulty maintaining close relationships.  Find out more about Tommy here, and enjoy the episode!

Luke Wesley initially appeared on Episode 109, but our conversation felt unfinished in a lot of ways. We've hung out a couple of times in the year since recording, and finally got it together to press the record button. What came out is a really transparent, sometimes funny, sometimes dark conversation about loss--loss of connection (due to the pandemic and loved ones moving away), loss of income (struggling to make ends meet as a New Yorker without a stable, corporate job), and the loss of his mom last year, and all of the complicated feelings that can dredge up. Hope you enjoy the episode.

I've had a few coaches and mental health practitioners on the show over the years, but few have seemed as genuine as Gregory Flynn. Based in Seattle, Greg is the host of a podcast called "The Bind" and co-founded The Seattle Men's Circle, which started right as the COVID-19 pandemic took hold in 2020 and continues to this day. Greg and I talk about his journey and how it continues to this day, we discuss surviving and thriving in middle age. We talk about how cisgendered white men can handle the guilt and shame they feel in their own bodies and how they can show up best for others--and there's much more. Enjoy the conversation, check out more of Greg's work here. And you can follow him on IG here.

I say this all the time, I know: this is a good one! Micah R is the host and creator of a YouTube series called Realistically Free.  He and I initially connected for an episode of his podcast, and we talked for two hours and change. Then the internet ate it. I hate the internet sometimes. We then talked for almost two hours for Detox. Thankfully a) the internet didn't eat it this time and b) I was able to edit our conversation down to about 80 super interesting minutes. One thing that never occurred to me before is the perspective that many of our transmasculine friends have, similar in a lot of ways that racial minorities or gay people have-where your ability to be empathic can be magnified due to being socialized in a way that runs counter to who you are. I mean, we live in a very white, heteronormative, cisgender, male-dominated society, right? Anyone that runs counter to that has the benefit (and the curse, because this shit ain't easy) of essentially living two (or more) life experiences simultaneously. Anyway, Micah and I talk about everything from his bout with homelessness to losing his father at a young age to shopping for a penis. I hope you enjoy this conversation--hit me up and let me know what you think!

Our latest conversation is with actor, writer and author Edward Miskie, who is based in New York City. Edward hightailed it out of his rural Pennsylvania town almost immediately after graduating from high school not only because he wanted to pursue a career in theater, but because he was outed by a church elder when he was still a teenager. He never looked back, and has sustained a career as an actor, voice over artist and author with a book entitled "Cancer, Musical Theater and Other Chronic Illnesses".  As you may infer from the book title, Edward is also a survivor of a rare form of lymphoma, which put his career and life on hold and also revealed some not-so-great truths about people he considered close. Listen to more of Edward's journey in this episode. I hope you enjoy!