Conversations from the Heart

Ever find yourself carrying someone else's emotional backpack… and wondering why your shoulders hurt?Today we unpack four real-life questions about emotional boundaries, relational burnout, and the art of letting go of what was never yours to hold. You'll hear raw, relatable stories, from being exiled from a beloved community group, to walking away from a relationship where you were doing all the emotional heavy lifting, to healing a strained mother-daughter dynamic, and navigating triggering conversations around money.If you've ever wondered:“Am I responsible for fixing this?”“How do I honor my limits without hurting someone else?”“Why do I feel so hooked right now?”…this episode offers guidance, clarity, and a whole lot of compassion.You'll learn:Why fixing is disapprovalHow to set a boundary without bracing for a fightA script for naming recurring patterns without activating defensivenessWhat to say when someone demands emotional labor you can't giveWhy your triggers might be invitations (not threats)Come for the aha moments, stay for the soul-soothing reframes. This one's a deep dive into the messy, brave work of staying rooted in yourself—especially when it would be easier to collapse, comply, or control.A Special Offer for My Podcast Listeners:Get 20% off your annual NVC Library subscription using the code YVETTENVCLIBRARY at checkout at https://nvcacademy.com/registration/signup/nvc-libraryFeeling overwhelmed with the current state of the world? You're not alone, and I can help. Join me on Thursday, May 29th as I host The Soft Revolution Begins With You: Living Love As Daily Resistance. This FREE webinar will explore how to stay rooted in love when the world feels harsh, broken, or chaotic and what it means to live your values as a form of daily resistance. Sign up today! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Feeling overwhelmed with the current state of the world? You're not alone, and I can help. Join me on Thursday, May 29th as I host The Soft Revolution Begins With You: Living Love As Daily Resistance. This FREE webinar will explore how to stay rooted in love when the world feels harsh, broken, or chaotic and what it means to live your values as a form of daily resistance. Sign up today! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This tender and deeply resonant episode follows a heartfelt question from listener Cathy: Do I keep talking to my brother, even after all the harm he's caused?What unfolds is an intimate exploration of how to stay rooted in our own integrity when we're torn between love and protection, compassion and accountability, connection and boundaries.  We dive into how to love someone clearly, without collapsing into enabling, appeasing, or pretending.Cathy shares the painful complexity of loving a sibling who's caused irreversible harm - some unethical, some illegal - and the grief of wanting connection without pretending the pain never happened.Warning:  Strong language is used, so be careful if little ones are listening in! 

What if your fiercest judgments were just misplaced devotion?In this raw and revealing episode, we unpack those charged moments when your love for truth and justice gets mistaken for criticism or control. When your “I just want to help” lands more like “You're doing it wrong.” And when your longing to belong collides with your need to speak up.Two powerful stories unfold in this episode:  One about a moment of regret after calling out a fellow trainer in a large group, and another about getting kicked out of a recovery meeting… for being too disruptive. But underneath it all? The same longing: to be seen, heard, and held in our full humanity.

Ever felt torn between staying true to yourself and keeping the peace in your relationships? In this episode, we walk with three courageous guests as they navigate the messy middle of relational repair, where heartbreak, hope, and healing often collide.Throughout the episode, I offer grounded coaching and relational insight, modeling how to make peace with not getting your way, how to advocate without attachment, and how to hold your truth with both gentleness and strength.Plus, I share my favorite Marshall Rosenberg quote that gives us all permission to show up imperfectly.The big insight?  Sometimes, the conversation is less about the thing and more about the way we talk about it. Tune in to learn how to shift from “I need you to agree with me” to “Can we co-create a process where we both matter?”Key Questions ExploredWhat do I do when I want something deeply - but no one else agrees?How can I reconnect with someone after months or years of silence?How do I set boundaries with people who steamroll my needs?What if honoring myself means disappointing people I love?Listener Takeaways/Show Notes A step-by-step process for advocating without demandingHow to hold space for grief when connection doesn't go as hopedThe “thermometer tool” to surface hidden family dynamicsLanguage to use when you're overwhelmed but still want to show upHow to shift from self-judgment to healthy regret when you're not perfectListen for heart-centered coaching, clear language templates, and real-life examples of relational courage.Feeling overwhelmed with the current state of the world? You're not alone, and I can help. Join me on Thursday, May 29th as I host The Soft Revolution Begins With You: Living Love As Daily Resistance. This FREE webinar will explore how to stay rooted in love when the world feels harsh, broken, or chaotic and what it means to live your values as a form of daily resistance. Sign up today! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session ...

Ever spiraled into shame because of one tiny mistake? Or replayed a text convo with a ghoster, trying to decode what you did wrong? You're not alone, and you're not broken. In this vulnerable and uplifting episode, Tiffany and Patrice bring raw questions to the table, and I offer some insights into how we talk to ourselves when we feel abandoned, rejected, or ashamed.This one's for every tender-hearted human who's been too hard on themselves - and who's ready for something softer, wiser, and more freeing.We discuss:1:10 Opening thoughts2:33 How a wrong phone number on a business card led to a spiral of shame - and the exact steps to stop that spiral mid-spin.11:34 Two strategies in the moment of stress:  pause, and name what's happening12:05 Why reclaiming the word “stupid” could be the most liberating thing you do all week.19:52 What ghosting actually tells you about someone - and how it might be the kindest exit you didn't ask for.25:47 A note on goodness of fit and how it can enable choicefulness33:19 Comments from the audience45:30 Closing thoughts Please share with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

In this epsiode, we speak with Cathy and Paul.  Cathy is untangling her intentions around gift giving and her desire to be closer to her daughter.  Paul is working to understand an intense emotional reaction after he had a difficult conversation with his partner.We discuss:3:10 Opening thoughts on the current political climate10:26 How do I discern between my reaction and the reality of a thing?17:46 The sweet spot we're longing for when giving a gift21:30 Finally I feel like an adult!30:18 I am right on time.35:30 Dogs vs. cats41:02 Are you stressed about telling someone a truth?42:13 I had a hard conversation and an intense emotional reaction and I'm not sure why.51:30 Setting an intention to cry55:50 Practical Do's and Don'tsPlease share with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

How do we stay connected to ourselves - and to others - when our nervous systems are screaming, our inner critics are loud, and old family patterns are tugging us backward?In this episode, we examine:2:03 I'm struggling in my relationship with my sister.  Why does my body still react to conflict even when my mind knows I'm safe now?7:19 A new, empowering take on going "no contact" (it's not a rejection - it's a reset)13:51 A practical way to set new terms of engagement in relationships that matter, but hurt20:37 I want to set an intention with my family.  How can I best interact with them?29:44 I'm in a place of transition, how can I best connect with myself?50:33 How can I tell if the resistance I'm feeling needs to be worked through or if I need to switch course?55:25 Closing thoughtsPlease share with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

What if every awkward silence, every emotional hijack, every misstep can be used as stepping-stone to circle back to a conversation?  To reconnect.  To build trust, not erode it.What if "failed" moments aren't actually failures at all, but are simply part of a natural, generative learning process?Today, we examine moments that feel like failures at the time, but are actually opportunities for greater connection with ourself and others.We explore:1:01   Intro thoughts2:40  How can I incorporate NVC tools at work?3:45  Step 1:  Observe7:20   The most powerful thing you can do when you're in a position of power14:43  'm angry.  What can I do?23:45  How can I stop judging my family?31:07  A script for revealing ourselves in small ways39:53  Q&A51:10  Closing tips and practicesPlease share with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

In this episode, Jaya brings forward a challenge that many of us can relate to - leaving conversations feeling undermined or devalued.  She struggles with how to maintain her power and self-worth when people dismiss, invalidate, or fail to recognize her contributions.  Her core questions include:How do I keep my power when dealing with people who undermine or devalue me?What language can I use to defend myself?How do I navigate situations where I freeze in response to subtle invalidation?Why do some people always take a contrarian point of view, and how can I respond?How do I handle accusations of being selfish when I set boundaries or withdraw?Key Takeaways for ListenersShift Your Perspective - Stop seeing these moments as something being done to you and instead as data about the other person's patterns and needs.Break the Victim Cycle - Seeing yourself as prey in a predator-prey dynamic keeps you in freeze mode.  Recognizing others' behaviors as their habitual strategies helps reclaim your power.Practice Self-Connection - Instead of seeking validation from someone who won't provide it, turn inward and self-attune:  What am I feeling?  What do I need?Ask for What You Want - If someone is dismissing your feelings, redirect the conversation by explicitly asking them to focus on your experience rather than rationalizing the other person's behavior.Recognize Their Needs - Many people default to giving advice or taking a contrarian stance as a way of meeting their own needs - to feel helpful, competent, or insightful.  Seeing this can help depersonalize their behavior.Exit With Grace - If someone is Monopolizing the conversation or invalidating you, set a boundary:  "I just realized I need to get going."  No justification is needed.Selfishness vs. Self-Connection - True self-care benefits everyone.  When you act from self-connection rather than obligation, you model healthy relational dynamics.We Discuss: 1:01 Opening thoughts3:05 I feel undermined and I freeze.  How can I reframe this?12:17 They're not "doing something to me".  They're providing data about themselves.14:28 Asking for what you want as a strategy out of the educating20:51 What can I say if I don't want to listen anymore?28:27 What can I say when someone accuses me of being selfish?31:04 Closing ThoughtsPlease share with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

What happens when we truly listen?  Not just to respond, but to create space for deeper self-awareness?  This rich and layered conversation with Patrice shows how connection-based, collaborative listening results I moving beyond her initial questions into a profound self-discovery process.  By gently reflecting, naming patterns, and holding space, we allow the layers of meaning to emerge organically--leading to clarity and self-trust.Listen in as we explore:How our initial questions often point to deeper truths we haven't fully named yet.The role of reflective listening in helping someone find their own answers Why deep, presence-based conversations create lasting transformationHow to listen in a way that fosters connection instead of fixing or advisingLooking for a conversation that honors both depth and autonomy?  Listen in now.Key moments:1:39 Opening thoughts3:03 I want to break a familiar pattern of seeking connection with those who can't offer what I need.10:10 Noticing the presence of both grief and hope17:30 Closing thoughtsPlease share with your family and friends! Use PODCAST50 to get $50 off tuition for my Spring Deep Dive, The Art of Repair Work: From Regret to Resilience. Group starts on March 31st for 8 weeks, so register early to save your space. For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Have you ever texted a friend, waited for a reply, and felt like your entire world was crumbling when they didn't respond right away?  Do you find yourself deeply affected by neutral comments or minor critiques?  If so, you might be experiencing Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) - a powerful emotional response that can feel like overwhelming pain, shame or devastation after a real or pervceived rejection.In this episode, we break down:What RSD is and why it feels so intenseHow to differentiate between real rejection and fear of rejectionPractical tools to regulate your emotions and build resilienceHow to work with your sensitive nervous system, not against itReal-life strategies for handling rejection in relationships, work and daily interactions A powerful reframe that will help you embrace your sensitivity as a strength, not a flawPlus, you'll hear from Annie, a seasoned Nonviolent Communication practitioner, as she vulnerably shares her struggles with RSD - despite all her training - and how she's learning to navigate these deep emotional waves.✨If you've ever felt "too sensitive" or struggled to bounce back from rejection, this episode is for you.We discuss:1:55 Opening thoughts3:33 What is RSD?9:50 How can I best deal with RSD?15:09 How can I decrease my suffering and increase my capacity?21:17 Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles25:56 Closing thoughts

When kids act out - whether it's stealing, shutting down, pushing boundaries, or having emotional outbursts - how can we respond in ways that guide them toward growth rather than shame?Today, we explore two powerful real-life situations:A young10-year old boy who stole money from his mentor:  What was driving his behavior, and how could adults respond in a way that fosters learning instead of punishment?A seven-year-old struggling with his parents' divorce: How can his mother support his overwhelming emotions without taking on his distress or trying to “fix” his sadness?Through these stories, we unpack the difference between control and connection, how to set limits without losing warmth, and why holding space for kids' emotions is the key to their long-term resilience.Tune in as we explore - 2:24 Opening thoughts3:21 I'm dealing with a child who stole money and could use some help with a conversation.7:29 I don't like how I showed up and I want to bring something new to the conversation22:13 How can I help my son cope with his new home?Please share with your family and friends! Use PODCAST50 to get $50 off tuition for my Spring Deep Dive, The Art of Repair Work: From Regret to Resilience. Group starts on March 31st for 8 weeks, so register early to save your space. For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Have you ever been cast as the "villain" in someone else's story?  Perhaps you're seen as the one who got it wrong, didn't do enough, or failed to meet expectations?Today, we explore what it means to hold our ground in relationships without getting defensive, to listen without justifying, and to accept that sometimes, people need to see us as the problem while they process their own pain.In today's conversation, Jill's daughter just sent her a long list of parenting grievances.  How can she respond with love and understanding without falling into the trap of proving herself?And, Jaya keeps finding herself in relationships where she feels small. How does she break the cycle of submission, reclaim her voice, and recognize when a dynamic isn't worth staying in?Together we'll explore:✨ Why defensiveness keeps us stuck—and what to do instead  ✨ How to recognize the real need behind someone's anger or blame  ✨ The difference between explaining and connecting  ✨ How to trust your own voice, even when someone else tries to rewrite the narrative  ✨ When to stay, when to engage, and when to let go  Show Notes:1:01 Opening comments3:43 My daughter wrote me an angry text and I'm not sure how to best respond.20:55 The healing is not in litigating the past, but happens in the present.27:04 My pattern in relationships is to collapse.  How can I be more assertive?30:47 The key to asking for what we want41:28 Healing requires a regulated nervous system49:23 Closing thoughtsIf you've ever felt misunderstood, unfairly judged, or struggled to maintain connection while standing in your truth, this episode is for you.Please share with your family and friends! Use PODCAST50 to get $50 off tuition for my Spring Deep Dive, The Art of Repair Work: From Regret to Resilience. Group starts on March 31st for 8 weeks, so register early to save your space. For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

In this week's episode, both questions focus on the theme of disappointment, and how to work with people and relationships that leave us wanting.  We discuss:1:03 Opening comments7:01 I just found out my friend got married and I wasn't invited16:28 Avoidant vs. anxious attachment styles22:18 Role play:  What would you say if you could?32:14 I want an unconditionally loving relationship and I am always disappointed43:19 Not all our needs must be met by one personPlease share with your family and friends! Use PODCAST50 to get $50 off tuition for my Spring Deep Dive, The Art of Repair Work: From Regret to Resilience. Group starts on March 31st for 8 weeks, so register early to save your space. For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

From the moment we enter the world, we begin learning.  We absorb the rules of our families, communities, and larger societies.  Some of these lessons serve us well, fostering connection, growth, and resilience.But others come from systems designed to control and dominate, systems that teach us to trade our authenticity for approval, our agency for compliance, and our creativity for conformity.In this episode, we speak with Carol and Jen who are working with ways to voice their needs with an eye to getting those needs met.  We discuss:1:02 Opening thoughts3:45 How can I create a more mutual friendship with an old friend?9:55 How to check out my assumption with my friend16:06 I'm scared to speak up about what I want23:20 My suggestion was shot down in a meeting and I collapsed afterwards.  How can I show up when I'm shut down?27:20 Step 1:  Accepting where I am28:00 Step 2:  Ask a question.  ANY QUESTION.35:25 How to lead with more "I" and less "You"40:06 Shadow work:  I get to take up space47:30 What can I do for myself once I've woken from a freeze response?Please share with your family and friends! Use PODCAST50 to get $50 off tuition for my Spring Deep Dive, The Art of Repair Work: From Regret to Resilience. Group starts on March 31st for 8 weeks, so register early to save your space. For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This episode is devoted to those of us who feel frustrated when we're interrupted, or when a conversation we're having is diverted in a way that doesn't feel generative and connecting.  Listen in for the three strategies we can use and the three goals we can shoot for in order to create a new conversation. We discuss:3:10 I was having a heartfelt conversation and got interrupted.  What can I do in moments like these?8:09 Strategy #1:  Say it badly to someone else, first15:19 Doing our work on the backend allows for more choicefulness in the moment.16:15 Strategy #2:  Reflect the person back to them, and ask consent for a different conversation21:45 Strategy #3: Raise awareness about the current dynamic29:16 Goal #1: Shoot for playfulness35:20 Goal #2:  Detach from the other person's reaction 36:58 Goal #3:  Accept yourself at your current level of practice40:01 When I can't access humor, it might be because pain is present41:54 Closing thoughtsPlease share with your family and friends! Use PODCAST50 to get $50 off tuition for my Spring Deep Dive, The Art of Repair Work: From Regret to Resilience. Group starts on March 31st for 8 weeks, so register early to save your space. For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

On this episode of Conversations from the Heart, Colleen shares her experience of balancing emotional authenticity with others' expectations, while CJ explores the challenges of offering meaningful apologies and overcoming guilt and shame. This episode is for you if you've ever wondered:How do you stay connected when emotions run high?What's the secret to offering an authentic apology without getting stuck in guilt or shame?How can you repair a strained connection and set boundaries with clarity and compassion?Join us as we explore the tools and insights to navigate emotionally charged moments with care, curiosity, and courage. If you've ever struggled with miscommunication, misunderstood intentions, or the messy beauty of being human, this conversation is your guide to finding deeper connection—even when things feel imperfect.Tune in and discover practical ways to bring more honesty, empathy, and resilience into your relationships.We discuss:3:30 How do I share with my friend that I care, even if I'm not as upset as he is?9:12 I inadvertently offended someone.  How can I repair that?14:18 We don't have to do things better - we can do them differently.19:10 How can I have a conversation with my roommate that prompts her to move out?24:45 Hard conversation tip #1:  Pick up the other person's perspective.26:06 Releasing fear of conflict29:21 Closing thoughtsIf, Like CJ, you are yearning to up level your ability to take accountability for mistakes without sinking into regret or shame, that's exactly what we'll be practicing this spring in my Deep Dive.  Learn how to repair relationships while maintaining your dignity in From Regret to Resilience:  The Art of Repair Work.  If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Join my Spring Deep Dive: From Regret to Resilience: The Art of Repair Work Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week I talk to Steve, who is trying to balance his care for a friendship that has become emotionally draining, with his care for himself, and we explore questions many of us grapple with: How do we distinguish between setting boundaries and abandoning someone we care about? How do we honor our own well-being while remaining compassionate toward others?You'll hear Steve's initial conversation about his struggle to let go of a friendship that isn't meeting his emotional needs, followed by a powerful follow-up discussion two weeks later as he reflects on his journey.Episode Highlights:3:12 Steve's Initial Question: Detaching from a friendship that has become emotionally unbalanced.10:00 A script for disengaging from a friendship 12:00 Part 2 Intro16:40 What is making it difficult to disengage?21:10 The Role of Validation: How seeking external affirmation can lead to unhealthy dynamics.29:03 Caring for the impact of our actions is not the same as feeling responsible for them.  30:31 Closing thoughts:  Tools for Boundaries and Clarity: Strategies for balancing care for others with self-compassion.37:20 Questions to ask yourself when wanting to disengage.Key Takeaways:Setting boundaries is not about rejecting others; it's about preserving your own emotional well-being.Guilt often arises from taking too much responsibility for others' emotions—self-compassion is key.Fulfilling relationships are rooted in reciprocity and mutual respect; it's okay to let go when that's missing.Resources Mentioned:Blog: Boundaries vs. Abandonment: How to Prioritize Yourself Without GuiltBoundaries Masterclass: A step-by-step guide to setting boundaries that both connect and protect.Free Resources: Explore tools for self-compassion and emotional clarity at yvetteerasmus.com.If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

What if the smallest moments of care could transform a relationship or change a life? In this episode, we uncover the surprising power of empathy and connection through two compelling stories. Discover how to meet people where they are, foster deep understanding, and create conversations that truly matter.We discuss:  (The time markers will all need to be fixed, sorry!)1:01 How can I help shift someone from self-blame to self-compassion?5:33 What happens when you prioritize connection over solving?6:34 How can presence and empathy shift someone from self-blame to self-compassion?11:57 The difference between a monologue and a conversation15:37 What are some strategies I can use to stay in my lane?22:28 How can I help the woman I care for make a difficult decision?Practical tips for creating co-created conversations that inspire growth.Join us for insights, stories, and an invitation to bring these lessons into your life. Don't forget to sign up for the Getting Grounded in Your Goodness retreat by January 31st!If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

In this episode, we tackle one of the most challenging aspects of communication: defensiveness. Whether it's a friend who dismisses others, a family member who reacts sharply, or a coworker who resists feedback, defensiveness often creates distance in relationships. But what if we could work with defensiveness instead of resisting or judging it?Drawing from real-life listener questions, I explore how to engage with others' defenses in ways that foster trust, empathy, and connection. Together, we'll uncover why defensiveness arises, how to approach it with curiosity, and the surprising ways it can become a bridge rather than a barrier. If you've ever struggled with someone's resistance—or your own—this episode is for you. We listen to three different scenarios that can be turned around with the use of really clear requests.  We discuss:1:00 My friend is so judgmental of my other friends.  How can I talk to her about this?6:00 Why clear requests are so essential.9:49 Want to experience more care?  Try this move.11:39 Leading with curiosity19:44 Working with others' defenses.20:57 How can I warm the relationship I have with my daughter?29:07 How can I request an invitation to dinner?If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Today's conversation with Julia and Meka explores the problems with being "normal" and recommends strategies for being authentic and real, instead. The idea of being "normal" can be misused to keep people compliant and obedient - but this isn't always the "healthiest" or wisest move.  Additionally, this episode features some discussion on the way domination systems use the concept to uphold existing power structures via moralistic judgements of "good/bad" and "normal/abnormal".A takeaway:  Instead of asking "Is this normal?" try asking instead "Is this working for me?"3:10 How can I remind others how I want to engage?7:30 Care for the impact vs. responsibility for others' reactions.11:30 What is "normal"?14:26 What the concept of normal is used for.15:32 Why we want to inspire change.18:55 Just because something is normal doesn't mean it's healthy.22:20 The way domination systems use the idea of "normal" to enforce obedience and conformity.30:30 The difference between normal and healthy.35:02 The benefit of embracing our authenticity.39:02 Questions we can ask ourselves to reflectIf this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week we explore critical themes around racism, bullying, emotional safety, and systemic bias, as we talk with Simone about how to protect her kindergarten son from bullying.   In this powerful and emotionally charged episode, you'll witness both empathetic support and strategic advice for navigating the complex dynamics of racism, bias, and systemic inaction. Together, we discuss restorative circles, adultification bias, and practical ways to engage allies while ensuring the safety of vulnerable children. This episode is a must-listen for parents, educators, and anyone working to create safer, more inclusive communities for children.We discuss:4:05 My son is being bullied at school and it feels racially charged.  How can I encourage all parties to care?10:43 Who are the people with the power that need to engage first?14:24 How can I determine my clear request?18:38 A two-pronged approach:  changing people's hearts AND changing systems.20:13 Dreaming BIG: imagining a system that works for all people. If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

In this special holiday episode, we explore what happens when connection feels strained, boundaries are tested, and communications gets tough.  From dealing with unsolicited advice and navigating silent partners to addressing unresolved conflicts in community and bridging value divides, these four callers bring real-life challenges that many of us can relate to.  Together, we'll unpack practical tools, compassionate insights, and reflective questions to help you stay grounded, set boundaries, and maintain connection--even when it's hard.Show Notes: 3:36 Dealing with unsolicited advice from a friend and how to navigate boundaries without snapping.12:17 Silent partners, and how to create emotional safety when difficult conversations arise.26:10 Unresolved conflicts in community, and how to approach delicate conversations with curiosity and care.34:36 Bridging divides on life-and-death issues like vaccines, and how to stay grounded and compassionate when values clash.Tune in for insights and practical tools on handling the messiness of human relationships, especially during the holiday season.

One of the most important stops we can make on our healing journey is figuring out how to sit with uncomfortable feelings.  Often, this will appear in the form of others being upset with us.  In this episode, we discuss one approach to others' upset:  the ability to hear the message even when couched in a clumsy delivery.We consider:2:00 How can I speak with a friend who's always on her phone?9:22 The key to a difficult conversation?  How to elicit more care for more people.14:34 My daughter doesn't want to spend time with me and is often mean.  What is a healthy response?18:10 Can you hear the message and ignore the delivery?21:59 Key practices when others are upset with us.If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Today, we're bringing you three heartfelt and deeply relatable conversations:Co-Parenting with a Narcissist: How do you protect your children while maintaining your own emotional resilience? We'll dive into strategies for setting firm boundaries, minimizing conflict, and creating a safe and nurturing environment for your kids—all while managing the complexities of dealing with someone who prioritizes control over collaboration.Reconnecting with an Adult ChildHow do you approach a grown child with whom you've had a strained relationship, especially when the past is filled with pain? We'll explore ways to lead with vulnerability, take responsibility without burdening them, and open the door to reconnection with respect and care. Navigating Boundaries with a Difficult RoommateSharing a home can be a minefield of misunderstandings, especially when personalities clash and past trauma comes into play. We'll break down how to manage a tense living situation with a roommate who struggles with passive-aggressive communication and territorial behaviors. We consider: 2:15 How can I co-parent best? 15:20 Will my requests make a sticky situation worse?20:30 A helpful hint when dealing with narcissistic defenses 26:50 How can I open the door to a deeper conversation with my adult child?32:35 What I'd want to hear from an estranged parent 38:02 How can I invite my roommate into a conversation?48:30 Closing thoughtsIf this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone who might find it helpful. For deeper learning, join our monthly membership program for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded individuals.Remember: Personal growth is a journey, not a destination. Every step you take toward clarity and self-compassion is worth celebrating.Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Let's dive into the complexities of communication, parenting, and emotional connection as we explore: 1.  How to handle projections in relationships when someone assumes your thoughts and reacts defensively. 2. What do you do when your child doesn't like your "tone of voice? 3. What do you do when you want a deeper connection with a friend but fear their response? Or when a friendship feels unsafe, leaving you unsure how to proceed? 4. The art of creating emotionally safe conversations in the face of judgment or blame. Want to skip to the good part? 1:02  My friend gets angry at me because they imagine I'm thinking things that aren't even in my head.  What can I do?8:42  How do I respond to "Don't psychoanalyze me?"11:13  How can I alter the criticism my child hears in my voice? 16:47  1 way to reduce power struggles21:18  3 tips to shift our mindset from control to connection for parents27:28  How can I be authentic if I don't feel safe?32:10.  What is the "turnaround defense"?39:24  A response to "You're too sensitive."41:12  A response for "Don't take it so personally."47:05  I want to speak with my friend but I'm afraid she'll tell me no.53:53  How can I invite my friend into an authentic discussion?If you've ever struggled with parenting, vulnerability, or feeling "too much," this episode will resonate deeply. Tune in to gain a roadmap for cultivating deeper connection, shared humanity, and self-sovereignty in all your relationships.Ready to transform your parenting with practical, proven skills? My Parenting Masterclass is your next step to building stronger, more connected relationships with your kids. Click here to learn more and join today!If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone who might find it helpful. For deeper learning, join our monthly membership program for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded individuals.Remember: Personal growth is a journey, not a destination. Every step you take toward clarity and self-compassion is worth celebrating.Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Friendships can be so difficult to navigate sometimes.  In today's conversation, we help identify the factors that can make friendships feel icky, and work out ways to show up authentically and with an open heart, rather than trying to problem solve.We discuss:1:00  Looking for an in-person opportunity to work with me?  Consider attending my retreat!3:52  Help!  My friend and I can really trigger each other.6:33  What to do when needs are different.10:38  We're not here to protect other people from their feelings.15:27  The difference between listening for understanding and listening for connection.17:45  We don't need to understand to empathize.19:37  The difference between being a mirror and a consultant.25:19  Our feelings are information.32:55  Closing thoughtsIf you're looking for an in-person opportunity to ground yourself in your own goodness, read all about my March 2025 retreat to Santa Fe.If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone who might find it helpful. For deeper learning, join our monthly membership program for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded individuals.Remember: Personal growth is a journey, not a destination. Every step you take toward clarity and self-compassion is worth celebrating.Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Are you worried about Thanksgiving dinner conversations with family members who voted differently than you?  In this week's episode, we listen to a conversation with Suzanne, who is trying to navigate issues of duty and connection with family members who don't share her values.We discuss:1:39  How do I explain to my family that I can't talk to them?4:55  Working with the concept of duty9:48  Developing boundaries around our relational terms of engagement 15:32  What needs are met when I reach out?18:19  The difference between the public self and the private self/fitting in vs. belonging27:15  What makes taking the next step in personal growth easier  31:14  Closing thoughtsMy online course How to Have Hard Conversations can help you navigate your next difficult conversation.  Need a roadmap for a difficult talk?  Register today!— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week's podcast features one of my favorite discussions:  Boundaries.  It can be hard to set boundaries with life-long friends, and this week's discussion explores the complications concerning caring for ourselves, and helping others.In this episode we explore:1:00  Looking for an in-person opportunity to work with me?  Consider attending my retreat!4:01  A follow up conversation - "I had that hard conversation with my friend..."8:59  What needs of yours did you meet by changing your plan?10:57  A part of me wants to make her "wrong"16:13  We can't do the hard work of waking up for someone else.22:42  A script for disconnecting non-violently26:58  The practice of somatic healing29:00  The polarity between self-improvement and self-acceptance31:55  Closing thoughts:  including 8 Practical Insights for Setting Boundaries.If you're looking for an in-person opportunity to ground yourself in your own goodness, read all about my March 2025 retreat to Santa Fe.— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

When they're good, our friendships can greatly contribute to the overall quality of our life.  When they're hard, our friendships can make life really difficult.On this episode of Conversations from the Heart, we talk about all kinds of issues regarding friendships.  We discuss:1:01  How do I take a break from a friendship?8:10  How to acknowledge a truth instead of debate it.14:46  Is it worth it to try and reveal myself to a friend or should I just cut ties?19:55  How to be vulnerable with those who deserve to hear it.21:23  How denying ourselves a whole hearted yes or a whole hearted no hurts us.24:47  The difference between a peer and a project.28:19  How do I allow myself permission to change my mind?29:26  Allowing people to solve their own problems is an act of respect.34:07  The only people who object to us looking after ourselves are the people who benefit when we don't.35:40  How can I approach a friend about the past?41:25  I can always tell the truth, but can I field the response?44:42  What prevents us from feeling empathy?50:16  Help me decline an invitation!— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

One of the hardest decisions we can make is to dismantle a marriage when there are children involved.On this episode of the podcast, we uncover how to make the decision of whether to stay in or leave a marriage because of the kids.  We also discuss:1:34  How do I make accommodations for my needs and my children's needs at the same time?4:01  Determining the values behind our needs6:15  Grief and acceptance in a relationship8:28  An old flame is coming into town.  How can I have a safe conversation about hurt feelings?14:37  Discerning someone's role in our life17:23  The importance of exhibiting care20:45  The difference between caring for someone's well-being and taking responsibility for it23:31  What words can I use to calm down a charged situation? — Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Domination consciousness leads us to believe that the louder we raise our voices, the faster the other person will capitulate and join our side.However, in order to create real change, the key is to get others to care about what it is we're caring about.  And this is a much slower, longer, harder task.In this episode, a caller embarking on a trip to South Africa, asks how to put someone in their place - but in a nonviolent way!  We explore how she can show up authentically with others and express her truths, without raising their defenses.  The ultimate goal?  To get them to care about what she cares about.  We discuss:1:44  How can I show up authentically around my husband's colleagues when we see the world so differently?3:34  One of the dynamics present is the devaluation of indigenous history and culture 5:55  How to step out of the old domination game7:43  Making the implicit explicit12:54  Empathizing with the other side16:37  The importance of expressing care18:45  It's enough to introduce a disruptive voice into the room— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

The locus of control in a boundary lies with us, and concerns what we are willing and unwilling to do.One of the data points we can use when negotiating our boundaries is how others engage with us.In this podcast episode, we discuss our responsibility for setting up terms for engagement that are centered around our values, and we discuss:1:11  How do I reinforce a boundary with out losing my temper?5:37  The locus of control in boundary setting5:55  Setting terms of engagement in our relationships15:14  I apologized to my friend, but now she thinks we're friends again20:43  Conversation role play with a friend 34:23  Is it even worth having these types of conversations?  They're so hard!40:05  I'm worried verbal empathy can make things worse— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Follow me on YouTube Join my membership program Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It can be incredibly painful when we find ourselves in relationships where we long for deeper authentic connection but can't seem to elicit that desire in others.In this episode, we discuss:1:11  How can I connect with someone who can't work won't talk about his feelings?8:13  If someone is unhappy, that must mean something is wrong, right?12:11  How our agenda is often an obstacle to authentic connection19:42  How can I find closure with my ex-best friend?23:46  I want her to open up but she won't28:34  My dad is ill; how do I talk to others about his impending death?34:53  I've heard through the grapevine that my friend is upset with me:  should I bring it up to her? — Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Follow me on YouTube Join my membership program Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It's easy to let our thoughts sink into the "shoulds" that have been programmed into us:"I should be able to handle this:  other people say it's easy.""He should be able to get ready and go to school by himself - he's old enough now.""I should have paid my taxes weeks ago - why does this feel so hard?"However, running our lives on "shoulds" often robs us of the joy and creative life-energy that is our human divine right, and robs us of our need for choice fulness. In this episode, we have three different discussions centered around what we "should" or "shouldn't" do, as we dive into the idea of authentic choice fulness:1:10  Help!  I don't want to go back to my dentist!"16:56  How to give a voice to competing parts of ourselves22:08  What does healing look like?24:20  How can I have "radical acceptance" for a situation that's hard?32:29  How do I look after myself while also caring for the needs of my child?36:02  Is there such a thing as an "anti-need"?— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Follow me on YouTube Join my membership program Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

When we want to stay in relationship with people who have hurt us, it's important for us to figure out a way to connect with them in a way that keeps us open hearted and also protected.But how, exactly, can we show up open heartedly in ways that also protect us and keep us safe?  That's where open hearted and loving boundaries come in.  In this episode we explore:1:00  How can I make the implicit explicit?12:00  It takes discipline to focus on what's working16:13  I feel exhausted and hurt by my sister's behavior.  How can I make it better?22:09  What does a healthy relationship look like?30:27  What open hearted boundaries can sound like36:24  We get to choose who we let into our lives— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Follow me on YouTube Join my membership program Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

We've all been well trained in the rules of the game we all know.  We've been taught to be dutiful children, loving siblings, tolerant friends.But when some of us realize that we've outgrown the status quo, it can feel like an act of rebellion and revolution as we transform the rules of a system that no longer works for us in search for a more authentic way of life.At the very beginning of this episode, I walk through my "Getting to the Heart of the Matter" Flowchart, a tool designed to transform conversations away from shame and blame and towards authentic, loving connection.  We then explore transforming cultural norms for healthier relationships and delve into:1:03  A tour of my "Getting to the Heart of the Matter" Flowchart6:40  My niece sulks and pouts if she doesn't win a game11:14  An alternative to winning/losing16:01  I feel bad. Does that mean I AM bad?17:18  My friends are slower than I prefer.  What can I do to change them?22:30  Help!  I'm my father's caregiver, and I'm burned out.25:08  Resentment and disgust signal a need for a boundary27:16  The journey back to wholeness can be counter cultural41:51  How can I connect with my adult daughter?47:09. The 2 keys to successful giving— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Follow me on YouTube Join my membership program Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Love cannot be ordered up. Care cannot be demanded. If we want certain people to love us, or care about us, is there anything we can do to make that more likely?  This episode explores various relational moves across three scenarios that might help to inspire more care for ourselves from other people.  We discuss:1:36  The stove is broken.  How can I inspire my partner to care about this?5:25  The two levels in every conversation: Tactical and Relational9:43  How to amplify another's good intentions16:59  How to have an honest discussion with a friend group?21:05  Checking for shared purpose:  Do you still want a connection with me?23:36  How to show up differently in a conflict31:23  Strategies for getting my HOA to care about our well water— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Follow me on YouTube Join my membership program Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

We may be interested in living an authentic, honest life.Unfortunately, that doesn't necessarily mean those we're closest to are interested in doing the same thing.The easiest way to encourage those around us to show up authentically is by ensuring we make that experience as easy and enjoyable as possible for them.In this episode, we discuss:2:31  My daughter rescinded her dinner invitation and my feelings were hurt, and I pretended it was fine when I was actually really hurt.13:34  How powerful requests can revolutionize relationships17:10  Behavior is coded communication23:46  My grandson won't greet me28:30  A script for gathering the data needed to move forward38:17  Getting Grounded in Our Goodness40:30  How to interrupt interpersonal violence46:12  A special offer just for you!Two upcoming programs are discussed in this episode.  Click on the links below for more info:Fall Deep Dive:  A Look at Grandiosity and ShameMarch 2025 Retreat in Santa Fe— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Follow me on YouTube Join my membership program Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Navigating relationships with difficult family members can be complex and nuanced. This episode highlights four main strategies for walking the path of authentic communication with family members who can be hard to connect with:1.  Practicing the art of translating judgments into feelings and needs.2.  Maintaining deep connection with ourselves. 3.  Locating the conversation in the present and not the past.4.  Melting defensiveness by creating enough internal capacity to be present to someone else's pain.  We discuss:5:07  My family can be so judgmental.  How can I communicate better with them?6:26  How to translate judgments into feelings and needs.16:10  The inside practice essential for staying grounded when someone else is activated.19:17  "When we are helping someone else wake up to the dynamics of a situation, we want it to be as gentle as possible so they enjoy it and do more of it."25:08  How can I establish trust with my brother who avoids me?32:58  Want to change the same old complaint-filled conversation?  Try locating the conversation in the present, not the past.36:23  How can we begin melting defensiveness?37:11  A script for moving forward when you need an answer and the other person is silent.40:15  How to get more of what you want.Registration is open for my Fall Deep Dive group! Want empathic responses to both narcissism and shame?  I'd love to see you there!  Interested in learning more?  Check out all the details.  Use code PODCAST15DD for $100 off the full price! — Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Follow me on YouTube Join my membership program Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Changing our default patterns in relationships takes intention and effort.  Whether we're wanting to act differently with loved ones at home or with strangers in public, relational transformation starts by turning inward and working with ourselves, first.In this week's conversation we discuss:1.01  Find information on my upcoming offerings:  Deep Dive into Narcissism and Shame  and winter retreat Getting Grounded in Your Goodness3:16  "My usual MO would be to run .." I want to experience myself in a new way, what can I do? 5:56  How do we establish shared reality with others?9:47  The quickest way to kill generosity.11:53  Finding courage to ask the hard questions I usually avoid asking.14:49  A tip when dealing with avoidant attachment patterns.19:36  Why demands don't work.22:13  Meeting needs vs  caring about needs.25:25  The biggest gift we can give one another.26:24  Responding to a child's unpleasant behavior with nonviolence.33:33  Connecting with a parent to discuss their child's behavior38:20  How to approach "feeling dismissed and invalidated"— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Follow me on YouTube Join my membership program Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week's episode explores themes of belonging, and the human need we all share for community.We explore:1:59  I don't feel like I belong anywhere5:50  Rising into grandiosity or sinking into shame7:19  Belonging to Yourself12:05  The role of reverence14:03  How do I handle passive aggressive comments?25:20  We're either repeating or transforming a dynamic26:43  Make the implicit explicit34:28  My friend takes a long time to text me back and it hurts my feelings— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Follow me on YouTube Join my membership program Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week's episode is an investigation into working things through in relationship:  with our extended family, our mothers, our daughters, and ourselves.We explore:1:18  The dynamics I see in my nieces and nephews repeat the dynamics between my siblings and I get triggered.  How can I help myself and them?4:12  How to ground observations in micro moments13:11  I wanted care and I didn't receive it.  How can I talk about this with no accusations?31:05  A script for sharing what you're needing now34:00  How do I tell my daughter I long for more acceptance from her?49:00  How can I support myself as I continue to grow into who I am?— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Follow me on YouTube Join my membership program Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week's caller is looking for scripts that can help her call out some discriminatory dynamics at work. She asks:  "I am facing new challenges in my work environment. More specifically, I am noticing weird racial dynamics ( for example, staff of colour all scheduled for night shift, and day shift exclusively (no exceptions) staffed by white staff. I have also heard rumours of ‘racially hostile behaviour' from colleagues and supervisors. For context, I am black/African. I also just notice gossipy, 2-faced behaviour. And all of this makes me feel unsafe. I want to do something about it but I feel so much fear. Any ideas?"   Listen along as we discuss:6:57  The upside of anger and how to work with it skillfully 7:47  The importance of knowing what you WANT to say 11:10  "Why is this happening?"13:04  "I'm scared I'll get fired"21:09  Addressing issues from the power-under position— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: Follow me on YouTube Join my membership program Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It's a common - if painful - dynamic:  we want to share our pain with another in the hopes of receiving empathy, but their best move is to try and fix our pain by finding fault with something we've said or done.It is so hurtful to be blamed for our own pain.  In this week's episode, a caller asks a universally applicable question:  "What can I do when I share my pain with my spouse and he blames me for it?"Highlights include:2:50  If all I get is blame, why should I even try to have the conversation?7:03  How to ground a discussion in a micro moment10:03 Scripts that help "waking up" feel pleasurable and not painful12:05 Doing the inner work necessary for successful conversations15:15  A script for getting to "Yes"22:54  "I'm not trying to change you."24:24  The role of our defensive system— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz! Have a Question? Join us live Want to Work with Me? Read More Here. IG: @dryvetteerasmus TikTok: @dr.yvetteerasmus LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/

It can be so difficult to know what to say next.  Whether you need to have a personal or professional conversation, sometimes finding the words are hard.In this week's podcast, we script out four different conversations for four different scenarios.  We discuss:1:06  "Please tell me you love me, dad."8:54  "I'm sorry, but you're fired."15:47  "I want to stay.  Do you want that, too?"29:16  "Dear child, this is my boundary."— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz! Have a Question? Join us live Want to Work with Me? Read More Here. IG: @dryvetteerasmus TikTok: @dr.yvetteerasmus LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/

What do you do when you discover that a friend or loved one sees something in a polar opposite way to how you're seeing it?  Are you able to stay in a place of grounded, open curiosity, or do you find yourself getting worked up and activated, wanting to change their minds? It can be very challenging to connect with loved ones when our belief systems don't match, or when our worldviews are colliding. On this week's podcast, we tackle the hard work of connecting - with friends, with family - around hot button issues.We discuss:1:37  How can I connect with my parents who don't support my choices?13:55  My best friend and I clash over Palestine33:23  An NVC celebration regarding Human 10139:27  Moving past the past— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz! Have a Question? Join us live Want to Work with Me? Read More Here. IG: @dryvetteerasmus TikTok: @dr.yvetteerasmus LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/

As we run through our everyday lives, we'll inevitably bump up against other humans who might be less resourced than we are.  Catching others as they're having a bad day can provide us stellar opportunities to increase our own empathy, and we don't even have to say a word.On this week's episode, we delve into ways to manage our own nervous systems amidst the triggered nervous systems of others, including:4:24  How can someone be verbally aggressive and still profess love?12:59  What yelling does, and doesn't do16:54  How can NVC help me when I feel frozen?24:06  How can capacity building help me field someone else's triggered reactions?30:13  How can I get better at holding my own needs along with someone else's?37:37  The 2 part practice for fielding someone else's triggered response— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz! Have a Question? Join us live Want to Work with Me? Read More Here. IG: @dryvetteerasmus TikTok: @dr.yvetteerasmus LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/

Do you ever worry that empathy is getting in the way?  In this week's episode, one caller worried that empathizing with his mother in law's fear of having cancer was actually making her anxiety worse, and not better.  On this call one of the things we discuss is anxiety, and some of the tips we can use when trying to empathize with someone who's feeling anxious.1:51  My friend is dismissive when I try to talk about my body.15:24  Our bodies have often been used as tools of oppression.17:34  I'm confused, and you get defensive when I ask questions.35:56  Dad, is your offer to pay for college still open?41:45  Is empathy increasing the anxiety?46:57  How can I stay grounded in myself when I'm falling for you?— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz! Have a Question? Join us live Want to Work with Me? Read More Here. IG: @dryvetteerasmus TikTok: @dr.yvetteerasmus LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/

It's only human to want the traditional NVC formula to solve all our connection problems.However, what the traditional observation, feelings, needs and request paradigm often does best is help us sort our own stuff out internally, first.  After we use it to get our own stuff straight, then we can experiment with the best way to connect with those around us.Want to experience this with a real life example?  Here's what we discuss on this week's episode:3:31  When identifying feelings and needs is internal - not external - work9:37  Getting wrongness out of the picture13:40  A script for moving forward— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly. Here are more ways to connect with me: What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz! Have a Question? Join us live Want to Work with Me? Read More Here. IG: @dryvetteerasmus TikTok: @dr.yvetteerasmus LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/