Deconstructing Gaslighting™

Since I know we all love our “wrapped” info, I thought it would be a fun way to end the year, and season two of Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I'm so glad you're here. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you're listening to the pod, welcome! Since I'm going to be taking a break from podcasting for a hot minute, I invite you to go back to the beginning of Season 1. There is so much helpful information and a TON of validation as people share their stories of experiences of gaslighting, and I help them understand the ins and outs of how and why it was gaslighting. If you want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people recognize the patterns of gaslighting, and what's more - heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website. There you can also find information about joining one of my groups or 1:1 coaching. Your "Wrap"Quick facts:40 episodesJanuary and March were the two highest listening months The episode with the highest number of downloads was “Are they a gaslighter or just an asshole?”, from the 23rd of JanuaryThe podcast was downloaded in 24 countries, with the top three being the US, Denmark, and Canada57,074 downloads all-time (Seasons 1 & 2)What's NEXT?Taking a break to restTaking a break to prioritize: Launching the Deconstructing Gaslighting® AcademyAdded more tools and new informationNew format – ONE course, with five parts: Part 1 – Clearing away the fog. Part 2 – Unmasking the gaslighter. Part 3 – Breaking the patterns. Part 4 – Reclaiming authentic power. Part 5 – Owning your truthNew ways to go through the courses: video, audio, workbook (later in 2025)NEW, SUPER-ACCESSIBLE PRICE: $29/$39Taking a break to re-envision the podcast. I want to go back closer to what season 1 was like – click here if you would like to be a guest. I wanted to address the fact that I'll be gone for a hot minute, and let you know that you can work with me in a group cohort or 1:1 sessions; you can hire me to come do a workshop; you can invite me to come speak, and of course you can learn so much from my new course: Deconstructing Gaslighting: Take Your Power Back – available in video and audio no later than mid-January. Check it all out on my website or even schedule a free consultation with me. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok.Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, You're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Almost a year ago, on winter solstice (which is this upcoming Saturday), I wrote this in a social media post. I said: Winter Solstice marks the day with the longest amount of darkness; it marks a SHIFT - the symbolic death and rebirth of the Sun; the gradual waning of daylight hours is reversed and begins to grow again.Death & rising. Darkness reversed into Light...What other imagery does this evoke? Like many who go through betrayal trauma and find themselves rising from the hell they've been through into post-traumatic growth, I resonate DEEPLY with the imagery of the PHOENIX.The song, Phoenix by Katrina Stone, that I picked to be the theme song of my podcast for 2024, to me captures the audacious amount of power I feel to face the "fire" (GASLIGHTING, anyone?

Here we are, in the middle of all of the end of the year holidays. It's this weird time that's a juxtaposition of feeling all the nostalgia, and often romanticizing childhood, AND coming face to face with the jarring reality of the toxic patterns we see in our society, our religious systems, and in our family of origin. Today, my guest and I are going to talk about the different responses people have when confronted with this experience, how we can choose the cycle-breaker option, and how we can stay on that obstacle-ridden path. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. If this is the first time you're listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking to deepen your understanding of this thing we call GASLIGHTING and learn how to recognize the patterns so that you can break the patterns, I encourage you to check out my website. I am in the process of relaunching my programs, and in the interim, I've already lowered the cost of my programs significantly. You can now get my signature program for just $29. My guest today is Sharon Rinearson of CORE Relationship Recovery. Story Time: Sarah and Sharon discuss what generational patterns are, how trauma is connected to it, how we can increase our awareness around places we may be unknowingly living in these patterns, and what obstacles we may want to be aware of as we are trying to become pattern-breakers!If you'd like to check out the work that Sharon and her husband, James, are doing, please visit their website, or email Gail to set up a free consultation. I wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Instagram, Facebook, and (for now) TikTok.Thank you, my listener, for listening to today's episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Many, MANY years ago I discovered this blogger whose blog was called Momastery. There were so many things that drew me to this writer. There have been a number of phrases she said that absolutely changed the way I moved through the world. And one of the things I loved about her the most was how raw and vulnerable she was with how effing hard life is.It was one such time that she said these words: “We can do hard things.” It became the rally cry of the work she does in this world. And today, we're going to take a look at how we can know the balance that we really need to have when we use that phrase, or phrases like it. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you're listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking to deepen your understanding of this thing we call gaslighting and learn how to recognize the patterns so that you can break the patterns, I encourage you to check out my website. I am in the process of relaunching my programs, and in the interim, I've already lowered the cost of my programs significantly. You can now get my signature program for just $29. My guest today is Elizabeth Abbruzza of the Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center.Story Time: Sarah And Elizabeth discuss the concept of "I can do hard things" – why and how it is a concept that can serve us; the “dangers” of this mentality/using this phrase flippantly; and finally some tips/tools to help us find – and stay in – a place of balance around "pushing ourselves".You can learn more about the work The Bellview Trauma Recovery Center is doing, read their blogs, follow them on Instagram, or even get on their email list I also invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Thank you, my listener, for listening to today's episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

As we head into the holidays, life can get really, really tricky. Family pressure. Cultural/societal pressure. Internal pressure. Pressure to put on a smile and be happy. And this month especially – pressure to have “an attitude of gratitude”. And yet – for so, so many of us, this can not only feel fake, but actually add to our struggles. So today, I've invited an amazing human to come on the pod and share one of her favorite and most powerful tools we can use to find peace in the midst of the conflicts and contradictory circumstances we find ourselves in in life – and especially during this time of year. Welcome you to Deconstructing Gaslighting® the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. And if you're new here, welcome. I'm so glad you're here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me! My guest today is Natalie Claire - aka Sunshine Strategist!Story Time: Sarah and Natalie discuss what the Yes/And or Both/And is, the variety of ways we can use this mindset/tool to help us move through life with so much more peace, and a few reasons people may find themselves feeling a bit resistant to embracing the both/and. Top Take-Aways: Usually I list out the top take-aways, but this time I just felt like I couldn't do them justice. There was just so much power and rawness and beauty in the discussion to capture it here. If you'd like to talk with Natalie about hiring her as your strategist/business coach, you can do so by sending her an email addressed to: sunshinestrategicsolutions@gmail.com. You can also follow her and her adventures on her Instagram account. If you'd like to sign up for the "Take Back the Holidays" workshop, you can do so here.I also wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I'm on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.Thank you, my listener, for listening to today's episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Register for the workshop here!The holidays bring a *special* challenge for MANY of us...

Fear. It's a topic I revisit often on my podcast, because it can be a confusing one, especially since fear can sometimes be a helpful emotion. For example, fearing the pain that will happen if I touch fire helps alert me to the danger of fire. While it's an important emotion that can alert us to pay attention to what's going on around us, it is also something that can misguide us. For example, when I was a kid, I had a BUNCH or irrational fears, and many of them centered on stories and movies that always popped up this time of year. So, what better time to revisit this topic than the month we most commonly associate with fear – October. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting, the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. In addition to the self-paced programs I have on my website designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting, I wanted to let you know about a special workshop I'm doing next month - Take Back the Holidays. Save the date: Nov. 16th. Story Time: Sarah discusses the difference between fear based on "real" vs. imagined threats; why we need to be able to sort through things to recognize the difference; complications with sorting out which type of fear we are experiencing; and of course, fear that intersects with gaslighting– fear that is connected with gaslighting:Top Take-Aways:Get clear about "the story I'm making up"... ask yourself if this a likely outcome? – if so, what options/choices do I have to change things and/or protect myself?"Head, Heart, Gut" check – Check out podcast episode: Season 2, Epi 22, May 28th – "I should've listened to my gut".Asking yourself: if I face this fear, is it because of an opportunity for growth? If not, ask "why am I facing it/pushing through it?"– good distinction to flesh out potential coercionRemember: "Where focus goes, energy flows"If you have determined it's not a "real threat", ask yourself one of the following questions: What would be the opposite of fear that I would rather be feeling? If I could tap into my “higher self” in this situation, how would they feel/handle this? And then borrow those things from your higher self. I'd love to have you follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok.And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Gaslighting and our children… this is such a huge, heavy, and important aspect of so many people in life that while I planned on having just one episode on the topic, I ended up having two. In the last episode, my guest and I addressed the question: Am I gaslighting my kid? In this episode, we're going to address the questions: Did my kid just try to gaslight me? What does that mean if they did? How can I help my kid be “gaslighting resistant”? Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you're listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website, where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting, find clarity and shift into a place of feeling more empowered. My guest today is once again Lauren Hagen.Story Time: Sarah and Laure share stories from their own lives to help you recognize when your kids may be trying to gaslight you, and when you are seeing others gaslight your kids. As they do, they share insights and tips to help you through these nuanced issues. Top Take-Aways:As Lauren said, "Slow the F down"As Sarah said, "Be mindful of the shortcuts we are tempted to take"Best tip for teaching your kids how to be gaslighting-resistant: help them know themselves and grow their voice. I wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.If you'd like to get in contact with Lauren, you can reach out to her for a free consultation at Lauren@LaurenTheRN.com or call or text her at 512-739-6759. Thank you, my listener, for listening to today's episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Gaslighting and our children… is there any place that feels more critical than this for those of us who are parents? Have you ever wondered about any of the following? Am I gaslighting my kid? Did my kid just try to gaslight me? What does that mean if they did? How can I help my kid be “gaslighting resistant”? I've heard every single one of these questions over the years and asked myself each and every one of them. So today, my guest and I are going to share stories and tips to help address these questions. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you're listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting, find clarity and shift into a place of feeling more empowered. My guest today is Lauren Hagen. Story Time: Sarah and Lauren talk about the ways they've gaslit their kids, and the lessons they've learned about themselves, their kids, and parenting along the way. Top take-aways: Not all people who do gaslighting behaviors are doing it for nefarious reasons. It's important to take a look at our own motives for gaslighting our kids, with compassion and WITHOUT judgement. This is how we learn how to meet our needs in parenting, while behaving in ways that are staying in alignment with the way we want to parent our children/our values. So, dear listener, my and Lauren's conversation about this very important topic was SO good, that I've done something I've never done before, and I've edited this podcast into two episodes so that it's not 70 minutes long. So please come back in two weeks, when Lauren and I talk about when our kids try to gaslight us, and when we see someone else gaslighting our kids. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.If you'd like to get in contact with Lauren, you can reach out to her for a free consultation at Lauren@LaurenTheRN.com or call or text her at 512-739-6759. Thank you, my listener, for listening to today's episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

It's back to school season, and as such, this month my two podcast episodes are going to be focused on supporting all the parents out there. One of the most difficult places we can experience GASLIGHTING is when we are having to “parallel parent” with a GASLIGHTING ex. The stories I've heard throughout my career of how this has played out would break your heart. So today I've invited someone near and dear to my heart to help me talk about this very difficult topic and give you some ideas of how to handle this if you are one of the many who don't get to walk away from your gaslighter like I did. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you're listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help around GASLIGHTING issues, I encourage you to check out my website, where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around GASLIGHTING. My guest today is Lindsay - a therapist and mother to five boys. Story Time: Sarah and Lindsay talk about a variety of ways parents who have divorced their gaslighter, but still share children, experience GASLIGHTING. From "love-bombing" to undermining, they share many relatable stories and a few tips and tools to help you if you can relate. Top Take-Aways: Give yourself permission to prioritize yourself so that you can be fully present for your kiddos. Remember this important FACT: It's NOT your job to “cover” or “protect” that gaslighting parent.Remember the goal: stay connected to what you know to be true. You don't have to prove yourself to your ex/validate why you want the boundaries/”rules”, etc. – if they don't agree/wont' comply, you get to differentiate, etc. Remember this statement: "If it's important to me, then it's important". I wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Thank you, my listener, for listening to today's episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

I saw a picture of a sign that read, “better to admit you walked through the wrong door than spend your life in the wrong room”. I felt that. There have been big and small ways I've LIVED that. We ALL have ended up walking through the wrong door a time or two in our lives. Being able to recognize when we've ended up in the wrong room is crucial to living in alignment with our values in a way that is authentically us, rather living in alignment with what others want of us. Today I'm going to use this context to get political. I can't stay silent about what I've seen with my brain that is SO attuned to recognizing the gaslighting that happens. Not when I'm seeing such huge and harmful impact because of it. What I want to do today is speak to those of you who may be experiencing cognitive dissonance because you are beginning to realize that you walked through the wrong door. I want to help you understand how that happened. I want to help you feel seen and understood. And I want to help you find the clarity and power to get out of the wrong room. I'm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I'm so glad you're here! If you're new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people recognize the patterns of gaslighting and what's more - heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website. Story Time: Sarah deconstructs the "how" and "why" we end up walking through the wrong door; shares a concept she found in a Dr. Ramini video, shares a non-political example so we can see it in action, shares a personal example from her own life of walking through the wrong door, and then gets a bit political... all from a place of grace, yet wanting to speak out about the political abuse she's seeing, so that the USA can heal. Top Take-Aways:For those who may be in the wrong room:Give yourself grace. You were lured in because you trusted someone who used your values against you. Pay attention to when and how FEAR is guiding your decisions. When we are guided by fear, we are vulnerable to coercion.Look for the ½ truths – especially with exaggeration and distortion, and when you are noticing extreme fear.Get clear on your values and get curious around how they may be being manipulated through the aforementioned coercion. Give yourself permission to leave the room.For those who love someone that's stuck in the wrong room:Approach them from the place of seeing them – their values, their fears, etc. Know it's okay to have boundaries with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, walked through the wrong door - but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we get some freedom and fly.

Life can be really, really hard sometimes. Trauma. Betrayal. Gaslighting… fear, pain, abandonment… it can be immobilizing. It's not surprising that these things can (and often do) lead to depression. I remember being in some pretty dark places after the discovery of my ex's deviant sexual behaviors – especially in the early days. One thing that I learned, quickly, that had the possibility to bring me out of those depths of despair, was laughter. Cultivating experiences where we can laugh and/or feel joy is often overlooked and not truly understood. So today, I've invited Dr. Jessica Lamar onto the pod to talk about why these things are so important for us. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. If this is the first time you're listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help specifically around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website, where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting. My guest today is Dr. Jessica Lamar, Co-Founder and Director of Business Development and Strategy at the Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center (BTRC) in Seattle, WA. Story Time: Sarah and Jessica geek out about the science behind laughter and smiling, talk about the difference between faking it til you make it and toxic positivity, and share tips on how to nurture laughter and joy.Top Take-Aways:Start small and safe Be intentional/choose to give yourself opportunities to laugh/find joyLook out for toxic positivity by being aware of "but" vs "and" (you want to be using the "and"). If you'd like to follow Dr. Jessica Lamar and the Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center (BTRC), you can do so on Instagram where you can sign up for the email list, find resources, and learn more about their intensives. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform. I'm on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Thank you, my listener, for listening to today's episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Along my journey of deconstructing and unpacking all the ways gaslighting had impacted me throughout my life, there's one key lesson that, if I hadn't learned, I don't think I'd ever have found the ability to stay connected to my authentic self, nor live from the place of authentic power. That lesson can be summed up in these three words: sacred self-responsibility. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. If this is the first time you're listening to the pod, this month, while summer is in full swing, I've ventured away from exclusively gaslighting-themed topics, and instead am bringing topics that will help you fill your toolbelt. If you are looking for help specifically around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website. Bio: My guest today is Bethany Ellen. Bethany is an award-winning mentor, best-selling author, and founder of Permission Granted. Story Time: Sarah and Bethany get into the details of what sacred self-responsibility is, and how we can learn to ride the swings of the pendulum and come back to our authentic self by leaning into our core values. Top Take-Aways:Check in with yourself, specifically regarding "Villian/Victim". Am I making myself the victim or villain, or is someone else trying to convince me that I am the victim/villain?Use the concept of the grandfather clock pendulum and be curious about the extremes of compliance & defiance. Give yourself permission to be on a journey towards sacred self-responsibility, starting with simply getting curious about what responsibility means, then moving into what do you want to be responsible for/whom to, and then moving into owning that "sacred" aspect of using self-responsibility to help you step into "wholeness". If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to live from a place of sacred self-responsibility, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. If you'd like to follow Bethay, you can do so on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. AND, if you'd like to get any of her Masterclasses (they are SO good!), you can use the coupon code: PODCASTSarah to get 50% off ANY masterclass Bethany has in her store (live in a few weeks). And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

There are a lot of words these days that are misunderstood. “Triggered” is one such word. It's also a very important word, as it's one of those words that can help us both recognize what's happening to us, as well as help us communicate to others what is happening to us. So today, my guest and I are going to help bring clarity to the things surrounding the experience of being triggered and leave you with some helpful tips on how to recognize and deal with triggers. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. This month, while summer is in full swing, I'm venturing away from specifically GASLIGHTING-themed topics, and instead bringing up topics that will hopefully help you fill your toolbelt. If you are looking for help specifically around GASLIGHTING issues, I encourage you to check out my website. My guest today is Tammy Gustafson. Tammy is a trauma-informed Licensed Professional Counselor, coach, EMDR-certified clinician, and speaker. She is the founder of Betrayal Healing and is the host of the annual Betrayal Healing Conference.Story Time: Sarah and Tammy talk about their own journey of healing and dealing with triggers, what they've seen as some of the most common struggles around triggers, and how we can "reduce or remove" triggers as we are healing. Top Take-Aways: (5-10 min)Reverse engineer – if you can identify when you have been triggered, work backwards. Ask your who/what/where/when. Who was around you? What did they say/do or NOT say/do? Where did it happen? When did it happen?Ask: can I remove the thing that is triggering me? If not, can I minimize an aspect of it somehow – less time around a certain person/environment; boundaries around places/things; grocery shopping example. Ask: is what I'm experiencing big feelings/activated or triggered? If it's connected to a traumatic experience and we are in fight/flight/freeze/fawn, then we need to get to safety and get grounded/brain body connection back online. If activated, get curious - identify what feeling, what needs do I have? What values are being infringed upon, etc.Try using the "How we feel" app to identify and track your feelings/triggers.If you want to connect with or follow Tammy, you can go to her website, or follow her on Instagram or Facebook. As I wrap up today, I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and

Where on your list of priorities is doing things to care for yourself? How much time and energy do you put into things that bring you joy or “fill your bucket”? How you answered these questions likely reflects your beliefs – conscious OR unconscious – about self-care. And of course we struggle to give ourselves permission to do self-care. We've been told that self-care is everything from “selfish” to “lazy”. Additionally, most of us, when we most need it, can't even think of HOW to do self-care because of being in trauma-brain. So today I've invited Adrianna Lewis of The Heartbreak Box, who is doing amazing work in the area of self-care, to be on the pod so that we can debunk the GASLIGHTING around self-care AND learn both truths and tools to step into transformative, radical self-love through self-care. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. If you're new here, welcome. I'm so glad you're here. I hope that the resources I have help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Story Time: Sarah and Adrianna talk about the journey Adrianna has been on that led her to not only realize how crucial self-care is but find her passion in helping others embrace a lifestyle of self-care. Top Take-Aways: Make a pie chart of where/to whom you give your time and energy. Reflect on how much you give to yourself. Now ask yourself, how much of the pie chart do I believe reflects the values I want to live by? What would my pie chart look like if it was reflecting my values? From Adrianna - remember PIESS. These are the areas we GET to do self-care: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Social and Spiritual. Take account of where you are lacking and try doing some self-care to fill the void. If you want to get on Adrianna's Heartbreak Box waitlist, you can do so here. You can follow her on Instagram or follow her Facebook page. As I wrap up today, I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can interact… I'm mostly on Facebook and Instagram, though I do have a cache of videos on TikTok.Thank you, my listener, for listening to today's episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time

A few years ago, I had my founding members group for my Empowerment program. Before we began, I asked them to share the songs that helped bring them back to themselves. Some truly amazing songs came of that. One of the songs that I found that captured the journey the group was going on was Masterpiece, by Jessie J.The chorus says: I still fall on my face sometimes and I can't color inside the lines, 'cause I'm perfectly incomplete - I'm still working on my masterpiece. And I - I wanna hang with the greats, got a way to go, but it's worth the wait, no - You haven't seen the best of me, I'm still working on my masterpiece.In today's episode, I've asked one of my founding members, who is kinda the poster woman for this energy, to come share what she's been doing and HOW she's been doing it. It's going to be an epic show!Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. And if you're new here, welcome. I'm so glad you're here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and my website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me! Side note – that list of songs is on spotify. My guest today is no stranger to the pod, as she was in season one at least twice. She is truly a magical person. Lauren is this incredibly fierce powerhouse of a woman who is a fighter and a queen who has survived significant betrayal and gaslighting trauma along with a total loss of self-worth. Over the years she has worked tirelessly to reclaim herself, her peace, and her power.Story Time: Sarah and Lauren talk about the journey Lauren went through to get to the place of freedom and confidence that allows her to be "creating her masterpiece. Top Take-Aways:Create your own (or borrow mine) “creating my masterpiece” playlist you can listen to. Find your “movement”/body experience that helps you feel groundedn and/or empowered – like dancing, or running, etcCreate a mantra, and state it in the present tense: “I am creating my masterpiece” vs “I will create my masterpiece”. If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. I'll have the link in the show notes. As always, I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I'm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Have you ever seen that Dove “Real Beauty” sketches campaign video – the one where the women met a stranger, and after some time talking, that stranger gave their description to an FBI forensics artist. Then the women described themselves to that same artist. AND THEN, they had the big reveal of the difference between the stranger's description and their own description. WITHOUT FAIL, the more accurate picture (and more flattering picture) was the one that came from the description of the stranger. Big forehead; small eyes; too many freckles; big nose. These women tended to focus on the things they believed were negative about themselves AND saw them as a bigger deal than they actually were. Why do we do this? AND how can we STOP doing this?In today's episode, during this month of focusing on self-worth, I've asked the amazing Leslie Jordan to come back to the pod and help us understand our body image issues and the thief of self-love that comparison can be.Welcome you to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. And if you're new here, welcome. I'm so glad you're here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me! Bio: My guest today is Leslie Jordan Garcia, MBA, MPH, CEDRS, CPT (she/her), a dedicated Eating Disorder Recovery and Body Liberation Coach.*In case you missed it, Leslie and I had an amazing conversation back in season 1, where we talked about the struggle of how we view our bodies – especially when it comes to the concept of being “overweight. That episode was season 1, episode 33, titled, “I was overweight by THEIR standards”. Story Time: Sarah and Leslie talk about what body liberation is, why it's such hard work, and WHY IT'S SO WORTH IT!Top Take-Aways: Follow Leslie on InstagramIf you struggle with feeling self-acceptance and self-love when it comes to your body and want to experience body liberation - get on Leslie's wait list!If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I'm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Do you remember what your dreams were when you were a kid… or maybe when you were a teenager. How about as you entered into your mid-twenties? Were you encouraged to dream, or told dreaming was foolish or a waste of time? And here's the big one: were your dreams crushed by betrayal and/or gaslighting? Any number of these things can disconnect us from this thing I believe all humans have initially – the ability to dream audaciously. So today, my guest and I are going to have a chat to connect the dots of what causes this, and how we can begin to dream again – no matter the reason that was taken from you. I'm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and if you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things I'm launching, conferences I'll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter by visiting my website: deconstructinggaslighting.com My guest today is my very good friend and amazing colleague, Rae Gaelyn Emerson of healing talks back.Story Time: Sarah and Rae geek out over the intersection of dreams and values. Their discussion leads them to a variety of connecting points, with all roads leading back to how brave it is to continue to dream after betrayal/trauma. Top Take-Aways: How can we be audacious dreamers?Balance safety with audacityPlay – you don't have to take action... yet or ever. Self-talk: “I am worthy of having beautiful dreams and seeing them come true.”Self-talk: “I give myself permission to dream. It is an important part of being human.”If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website, and Rae's website. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into Radical self-love.Follow me and Rae on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram and Tiktok. Rae is on Facebook. Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in specific who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Have you seen those social media posts that go something like this – and I quote: “After all that she gave him, imagine what she'll be able to give to the next person…” and then it says, “Not a thing, because he broke her.” I HATE that picture. That belief that somehow, because of the trauma that I or my clients have been through, we're somehow now “damaged goods”; as if what we went through is now our identity instead of a chapter (or a few chapters) in our life. This month the theme of my podcast episodes is self-worth, and I can't imagine a better place to start than tackling this nonsense with a lens on gaslighting. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. And if you're new here, welcome. I'm so glad you're here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me! My guest today is Phoenix Gould. Story Time: Sarah and Phoenix talk about Phoenix's experience growing up with a Narcissistic mother, how that caused her to have a core of, "I'm broken", and the journey of healing. Along the way, they both discuss the common obstacles to overcoming this belief, and things both they and their clients find helpful in living from a place of wholeness. Top Take-Aways: (5-10 min)Phoenix's guided mediation: Free Radical Self-Love PracticeDo Kintsugi as an embodiment experience!Find/create a mantra that connects you to what your authentic/higher/wiser self would say about you. If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. As always, I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I'm on Facebook and Instagram the most, but I do have videos on TikTok, too. You can find Phoenix on Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube. She also has a Facebook Group for Women, and a Free Coffee Chat with Phoenix!Thank you, my listener, for listening to today's episode. If you found it helpful, and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can

Have you ever had that little nudge – you know, the one that tells you something isn't right. Or the one that alerts you to some bad energy from the guy over in the produce section? And how many times did you talk yourself out of listening to that little nudge? Why do we do that? Well, today my guest and I are going to talk about the ways we do this, the reasons WHY we do this (ahem, self-gaslighting anyone?), and how we can begin to trust our gut again. All month long we've been talking about self-gaslighting, and y'all, I've saved the best for last. I fully believe you're going to LOVE every minute of our conversation! I'm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I'm so glad you're here! If you're new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website. Bio: My guest today is Alana Gordon, co-owner and founder of Choose Recovery Services. Story Time: Sarah and Alana talk about everything from the neurobiology of our "gut", to personal storied of how they didn't listen to their gut, to how they've learned to pay attention to their gut/body/feelings/intuition. Top Take-Aways: Listen to your body - slow down and pay attention to both physical and emotional sensations. The warehouse analogy: make sure you're moving things through via writing it out or talking it out. Practice listening to your gut/body to develop those "trust" neuropathways.Give words to your physical sensations. Look for where the incongruence is between your head/heart/gut/body, and ask yourself, "why" (while making sure you're safe). Ask yourself what YOU can do to bring yourself back into congruence.I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to trust your own intuition and so much more, check out my and Alana's websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into a place of self-knowing and self-trust. I encourage you to follow me and Alana on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook and Instagram. Alana is on Instagram and TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

As a child in the 80's, I remember being at the skating rink and playing Limbo on skates. Yep, I was that kid. LOL The song, “Limbo rock” would start, and EVERYONE knew it was time… every limbo boy and girl all around the limbo world… la la la la la la la… limbo lower now… limbo lower now … how low can you go? And the competition would begin to see who would get the bragging rights of being the one who could go the lowest (spoiler – it was never me lol). I don't remember how long ago it was that I'd heard enough of my clients making concessions and realizing just how low their relationship bar had been lowered, but one day it hit me – it's like we've unknowingly been playing limbo in our relationships – lowering and lowering our bar in an attempt to not end the game (so to speak). So today I'm going to share just a little bit about how concessions are a HUGE part of theexperience of self-gaslighting. I'm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I'm so glad you're here! If you're new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website. Story Time: Sarah explains how making concessions is often where we end up after living in the land of shoulds. She gives definitions and real-life examples to show how we do this all. the. time!Top Take-Aways: Recognize that making concessions is not only self-gaslighting, it's self-abandonment. Create a mantra for yourself that is something like, “I do not abandon myself to make others happy”. Pay attention to any time you say, “maybe I...”, or “at least they…” and ask yourself, am I making a concession here?Remind yourself that relationships are not a game of limbo. If you are basically seeing yourself in "how low can you go" mode, give yourself permission to stop and begin doing the work of shoring up your boundaries and raising your bar!I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize gaslighting in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm most active on Facebook and Instagram.Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in specific who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Do you “should all over yourself”? I remember one of the first times my wise mama said something to that effect. “I try not to should all over myself.” It wasn't until quite a few years later that I connected the dots to that saying and self-gaslighting. Here's the thing though, while I try to avoid using the word, “should”. It's not ALWAYS self-gaslighting. So, when IS it self-gaslighting and when isn't it? In today's episode, I'm going to get into the nitty gritty of self-gaslighting and the should, and help you spot the signs of this experience. I'm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I'm so glad you're here! If you're new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website. Story Time: Sarah revisits her definition of GASLIGHTING, the definition of should, and shares a funny analogy about donuts to explain the difference between when should is and is not self-gaslighting. Top Take-Aways: Try to remove the words should/shouldn't from your vocabulary. Try this instead: "Because I value my health, I'm choosing to not get that donut, even though I want it."When you do say “should”, ask yourself where that judgement/sense of obligation is coming from, and ask yourself, "what are MY authentic thoughts/beliefs/feelings about this?"When in doubt, look to your values. For example, “I should be grateful”. Do I value gratitude? Yes. Do I give it unconditionally? No. I am not grateful for poor treatment, even if the other person expects me to be. I am not grateful for gifts with strings attached, etc. YOU DEFINE YOU and how you live out your values. I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize GASLIGHTING in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.Thank you, my listener, for listening to today's episode. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

What comes to mind for you when I say the words, “Self-Gaslighting”? For some of us, we automatically resonate, and know that we have, indeed, done this to ourselves. For others, the old definition of gaslighting we may know brings resistance, as we can't help but hear some sort of victim blaming. In my practice, the MOST powerful transformations have happened when people have understood the way we “self-gaslight”, have broken the power those messages had over them, and rewrote the narrative. This topic of self-gaslighting is so important, I'm dedicating the whole month of May to it. I'm calling this living in the land of shoulds. In today's episode, I'm going to explain just what self-gaslighting is, and the two main ways it happens. I'm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I'm so glad you're here! If you're new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website. Story Time: Sarah talks about the main principles of self-gaslighting - giving examples of direct and indirect origins, and how (and why) those messages get internalized/become self-directed gaslighting messages. Top Take-Aways: Get curious about statements that drive you, but don't come from a place of love and acceptance of yourself – statements like, “I'm not enough” or “I'm too much”. Ask yourself, “If I could hear what my authentic self would say to me about this belief, what would they say?”Get curious about the origins of any of these statements. Did someone say something to you directly that you internalized? Did you extrapolate meaning from your surroundings?Make a pledge to yourself to do your best to not be “self-directing” with any gaslighting statements. I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize gaslighting in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Did you experience gaslighting in your family of origin? While most of my clients find me to help heal from the gaslighting they've experienced in their intimate partnership, almost every single one eventually begins to see how the gaslighting they've endured goes all the way back to things that happened in their childhood. Today, I've brought on an old friend and colleague whose experiences in this realm will help you see the impact this type of gaslighting has on so many of us. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. And if you're new here, welcome. I'm so glad you're here. I hope that the resources I have on my podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. My guest today is Christy Kane of Soul Work Counseling. Story Time: Sarah and Christy have a candid conversation around the GASLIGHTING Christy endured at the hands of her family of origin, and it's profound impact throughout her life. Top Take-Aways: If you're trying to decide about which route to take with your family of origin - either cutting them out of your life or trying the boundaries route: look out for the "shoulds". Like, "I should let them stay with me when they visit", etc. Give yourself permission to reassess your boundaries periodically/as needed. Remind yourself of the "broken chair analogy". If you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my and Chrity's websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold self-GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. I also invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

When you stop and do the math, what consumes most of your time? When you think about the relationships that may involve GASLIGHTING, what makes the top of your list? Was work your first or second response? If not, it might need to be. So today I'm going to talk just a little bit about GASLIGHTING in the work environment. I'm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I wanted to let you know about a FREE summit that is happening right now. The 2024 Choose Connection Summit. It's theme this year is: Strengthened by the Storm. This summit is the only one I am speaking at this year that is primarily focused on couples working on healing from the trauma of secret betrayal. If this is you, I encourage you to jump on this opportunity while it's still FREE, and hear from not only me, but many other of the worlds' leading experts in this field. Story Time: Sarah has fun sharing the lyrics from the song, "9 to 5" by Dolly Parton, while also sharing some things to be aware of when trying to notice GASLIGHTING in your work environments. GASLIGHTING in the workplace can be a very real, very disempowering, abusive experience. It causes confusion, depression, anxiety; it can take an intelligent, confident, super-qualified person and reduce them to a person who questions whether any decision they make it the right one or will be “good enough”. Top Take-Aways:Look for ways DARVO may show up in the work world.Remember it's not always between your boss/management & you - OFTEN it's between coworkers. Remember to stay connected to what you know to be true. Keep a record of what was said, when, by whom. Whether you do anything with this information or not depends on a LOT of the potential fallout of your actions.The main point is to not lose yourself and take on the other people's perceptions. This is what will help you not get stuck in toxic work environments longer than you have to. As I wrap up today, I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize GASLIGHTING in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. Today's episode may be one of the most difficult I've ever done, and that's because the topic is SO TRICKY. It's also super, super important. So, I'm going to ask that you hang with us for a bit. If it feels like a sensitive topic to you, I invite you to give my guest and I just five to ten minutes to see our hearts and hear how we unpack today's topic. That topic is about the ways GASLIGHTING and religion intersects, and the myriad of ways that's playing out in both our individual and corporate lives. Bio: My guest today is no stranger to the pod... Ms. Jenni Rochelle!Story Time: Sarah and Jenni start by talking about the difference between faith (a belief) and religion (a system), in the hopes of setting the stage for a safe place to ask the questions and challenge any toxicity we may see in the religious systems we find ourselves in. They share some of the most common ways people experience religious GASLIGHTING/abuse. Top Take-Aways:Look for signs of religious gaslighting: feeling a LOT of fear, shame or coercion; experiencing isolation/being told not to trust “non-believers”; inconsistency in messaging and/or inconsistency between messaging and living things out; the dogma of there being only one “right” way (values; how to be a good person, etc.) and look for incongruence in yourself – when you can't “shake” a bad feeling in your gut/soul/body Give yourself permission to ask questions… and keep asking them and seek out answers from a variety of sources – not just ones that will reinforce what you've been told already by your “leaders”. Be willing/ready to sit in the cognitive dissonance that this kind of work creates – that means you're doing the work! Trust that the process will bring you to truth.If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold religious GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into self-trust and Radical self-love. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

This episode is going to be a tough one. Today my guest and I are going to talk about racial and cultural gaslighting. I say this is going to be a tough one, because as a white woman who, for the majority of her life, lived as a white, cis-gender, heterosexual, Christian woman, I was near the top of privilege – EVEN though I didn't know it. And that's kind of the point – when we are gaslit, we don't realize we've taken on other people's thoughts, beliefs, values, feelings, or perspectives as our own. So, we need to have this conversation to bring awareness to places we've either experienced or been an unintentional part of perpetuating the system that gaslights the Bipoc community. I want to get my message of clarity and hope around gaslighting in front of more people. If you know of a podcast or conference where my messages would benefit the listeners/attendees, will you email me here and let me know? My guest today is Tara Beall-Gomes. Check out her website here! Story Time: Sarah and Tara discuss a variety of ways gaslighting and racial discrimination intersect. It's important to note that they are doing this as two white women who are trying to learn and be a part of the change. Their hearts are to help raise awareness on this important topic! Top Take-Aways: (For white people)Don't be "colorblind". To see color means, I see you. Wait to be assigned allyship. We can't just assign that label to ourselves.Get educated/training…. Get involved.Share spaces with our Bipoc people.More about the Deconstructing Gaslighting training and certification for therapists and life coaches. The aim is to create a standard of care for people who have been impacted by gaslighting experiences. If you want to heal from the effects of gaslighting, AND you already have a coach or therapist, I encourage you to advocate for yourself and tell them you'd love it if THEY could support you and guide you as you go through my programs. They can do this by going through the training. IF you are a coach or therapist, I encourage you to go check out the webpage that goes into detail about what you'll get in the training. I'd love to interact with you! We can do that on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. If you'd like to follow Tara, she is on Facebook and Instagram. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast, and welcome to a new month, with a new theme. This month we're going to be exploring different areas or relationships people experience gaslighting in, and we're going to start with the one that people are typically MOST aware of – gaslighting in their intimate partnership. And I'm REALLY excited today, because I'm brining on a woman who gives representation to a demographic that is sorely under-represented – but whatever demographic you find yourself in, I'm sure you're going to be able to relate to things she share about the gaslighting she experienced in her 43 year marriage. Thank you for being a part of this community. I'd love for you to follow me AND interact with me on your preferred social media platform where we can interact… I'm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. Story Time: Sarah and her guest, Pat, talk about what is was like for Pat to experience GASLIGHTING in her over 40 years of marriage!Top Take-Aways: Things that I thought could be some take-aways from my and Pat's conversation:Notice when you're putting all your focus on the other person, and instead focus on yourself!Ask yourself the “better question” – what is and is not okay with me in this relationshipWhen you look at the amount of work your person is putting into the relationship and their own healing, ask yourself, is it enough for me?If/when they say they're doing their best, remind yourself that just because it's their best, that doesn't mean it has to be good enough for you. Learn to be the love of your own life. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast, I'm your host, Sarah Morales, and today's episode it going to be a bit different. On Tuesday of last week, I put the final touches on my next speaking opportunity at a summit. The theme of the summit is post-traumatic growth, and my title, "I no longer fear the storm". Irony can be a bitch, because on Wednesday – the very next day – a bomb my ex built probably 15 years ago blew up. So today I wanted to talk a bit about what it's been like for me the past few days, and the observations I have about how allllll the work that I've been doing for the past 13 years is serving me – big time! Side note, if you're interested, my talk with be at the Daring Ventures Summit. Top Take-Aways: Reminder/experience solidarity - that you are NOT aloneFeel inspiration or hopeWhat can we learn from Sarah's post-traumatic growth?SUPPORT TEAM is CRUCIALSELF-CARE is a mustHEALTHY DISTRACTION, spending time in your ZONE OF COMPETENCE/GENIUSGive yourself PERMISSION TO FUNCTION AT LOWER LEVELSBE GENTLE WITH YOURSELFTry giving GOOD, CLEAR COMMUNICATION - especially around things you have AWARENESS OF around your TRAUMA SYMPTOMSFind/gather INFORMATION THAT LEADS TO EMPOWERMENTI wanted to let any new listeners know about the many resources I have on my website.I also wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform, where we can connect and even interact! I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

How much did you talk about sex and human sexuality growing up? What were the messages you got about sex and sexuality religiously, culturally, or even racially? I imagine MANY of you were like me and didn't necessarily have many direct conversations about sex and sexuality, but oh were the messages you received culturally and religious LOUD! So, today, my guest and I are going to talk about how gaslighting has impacted the way so many of us think and feel about sex and human sexuality. My hope for this episode is to raise awareness, help us step out of any shame or messages of “not enough” we may carry, and be freer to be in alignment with our authentic self when it comes to sex and our sexuality. Bio: My guest today is MJ Denis, a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Texas. She is also an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist and an APSATS-Certified Partner Trauma Specialist. Story Time: Sarah and MJ talk about the way gaslighting and sexual issues intersect. From "Purity culture" to how many times a week you have sex with your intimate partner - they cover a lot of relevant topics with both candidness and education. Top Take-Aways:Look for signs of gaslighting around sex and sexuality by specifically paying attention to confusion and self-doubt. Practice communication with your partner (when it's safe to do so). Look for cognitive dissonance (feeling like you have to choose between either self-abandonment and keeping the relationship OR staying connected to your truth and losing the relationship). If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out the programs I offer on my website. If you want to know more about ETT and the therapy MJ offers, go to her website. And here is my weekly invitation for you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Those are the spaces where you can leave comments, and we can interact, and I would really enjoy having conversations with my podcast listeners! And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

"It is literally impossible to be a woman. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow, we're always doing it wrong."You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So, find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! (Abridged quote from "Barbie")Greta Gerwig, in an interview with The Atlantic said: "I was just sobbing, and then I looked around, and I realized everybody's crying on the set. The men are crying too, because they have their own speech, they feel they can't ever give, you know? And they have their twin tightrope, which is also painful." So today my guest and I are going to dive into the topic of double standards, based on our genders. If you're new here, I wanted to let you know about the FREE webinar I have on my website. It's a video that teaches you about the necessary foundations and a format you can follow to give you the ability to stay connected to yourself while having to communicate with your gaslighter. You can find that on my website.Story Time: Sarah and Collen have a fun, sassy, and in-depth conversation connecting GASLIGHTING with the way double standards are perpetuated. Top Take-Aways: "I give myself permission" to get curious around where my thoughts, values, feelings & perspectives are coming from when there are double standards present. Remember - you don't have to do anything immediately about what you learn/find out - just find out!Don't let YOURSELF be limited by the double standards people are trying to put on you!I wanted to invite you interact with me on your preferred social media platform… Facebook, Instagram or TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

There was this popular video from the Daily Show where Desi talks about how she's trying to understand the male experience better by acting like a man: getting paid more for no reason, interrupting people more, mansplaining, and gaslighting via invalidating the other person's feelings and telling them to calm down & don't act crazy. And while it is funny, it's taking on a serious topic – misogyny. In today's episode, I have a special guest who is doing ground-breaking work on the topic of a VERY specific type of domestic abuse. She has named this Betrayal Violence. And we're going to dig into not only what misogyny is, but unapologetically talk about internalized misogyny. If you're new here, I wanted to encourage you to go to my website and sign up for my newsletter – that way you can be in the know about any conferences I'm speaking at, specials I'm running, or new programs I'm releasing. And whether you're new here or been with me since the beginning, I'm so glad you're here. Bio: My guest today is Hope Ray, of the Betrayal Violence Institute (website)Story Time: Sarah and Hope discuss the difference between misogyny, chauvinism and sexism, and get curious about how misogyny and internalize misogyny show up - and, most importantly, how we can unknowingly perpetuate it. Chauvinism: the unreasonable belief in the superiority or dominance of one's own group or people, who are seen as strong and virtuous, while others are considered weak, unworthy, or inferior. Sexism: the belief that the members of one sex are less intelligent, able, skilful, etc. than the members of the other sex, especially that women are less able than men Internalized misogyny is a subconscious way of degrading yourself and other women based on sexist ideas of how women should act, dress or speak.

I have yet to know a human who has not made concessions in at least one of their relationships – between the gaslighting that we experience in our families, religious establishments, society, friendships, and intimate partners, it's near impossible to not internalize things that cause us to doubt the validity of our desires and needs, and when that has happened, what is and is not okay in a relationship becomes blurry… so we settle… and so, so many of us end up lowering our bar in our relationships. In fact, I've had many clients sadly say their bar ended up on the ground. Today, my guest and I are going to share stories and insights from our own lives, and in doing so, hope to inspire you to Raise your bar sis! In case you missed it last week, I have got a REALLY exciting offering for you today! I am about to partner with WORTH to do a special adaptation of my empowerment program. In this class, you get LIVE teaching & LIVE Q and A time with me, and you get to do this with other women whose questions and insights will add to your own journey. Can't make the live class? You can watch the recordings, submit your questions via an online document, and I'll answer your question in the next class! All this for about 1/3 the cost of what it would be to do a group cohort with me. If you're interested, please go here. Class begins March 6th. Story Time: Sarah and Annie talk about times that they made concessions and settled for less than you wanted and/or needed, and ended up lowering their bar. From exes, to new people they were dating, to friendships and jobs - what happened, WHY it happened, and how they learned how to stop self-abandoning and making concessions!Top Take-Aways: If self-love feels too big, start with self-acceptance; and if self-acceptance feels too big, start with self-awareness. Externalize your relationship with yourself, and then view that relationship like you do the people you love - are you loving yourself well - FIRST?Set mutuality/reciprocity as the place you set your bar - don't settle for less than you give. If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to be free to be you (and make those concessions), check out my website. I have a number of offerings that will help you break the hold gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.Also, please follow me on your preferred social media platform, and connect with me there! I'd love to hear your thoughts, questions, and feedback, and that is where we can do that! I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and Tiktok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

“I hate how often you are forced to define yourself by your marriage status… now I have to check the ‘divorced' box on whatever form I'm filling out. But all they give you is a box. No place to clarify. No place to explain… only a label.” Suzanne Reeves. Only a label.Single. Married. Divorced. Or even, “It's complicated” lol. All of us, at least at one point in our lives, was single. So, one would think it is a completely normal and valid way of living or phase of life. And yet – not only has being single been presented as being “less than”, it's also a label that has been slapped on people and made them to feel “other”. So today my guest and I are going to talk about the mountains of gaslighting messages that intersect with being “single”. I have got a REALLY exciting offering for you today! If you have ever thought about or wanted to go through my empowerment program, but were on the fence about it, now is the time to sign up, and here's why. Twice a year I do a special adaptation as I partner with WORTH. I take my 12-lesson program and condense it into an eight-week class for about 1/3 the cost of what it would normally be to do a group cohort with me. If you're interested, please go to WORTH Education Series | WORTH to learn more and register. The class begins March 6th. My guest today is Heidi Monuteaux. Heidi is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) and provides services for those who reside in Washington State, Idaho and Utah. Story Time: Reminder: gaslighting is when we end up taking on thoughts, feelings, perspectives, beliefs, and values as our own, at the hands of hidden behaviors. Overarchingly, gaslighting around our marriage status occurs the most through brainwashing/indoctrination, coercion and manipulation.Pay special attention to minimization of a single person's fulfillment/happiness.Top Take-Aways: Give yourself permission to call out the GASLIGHT-Y things people say (they don't have to be evil).Get curious about how YOU have thought about your worthiness as a single person vs being in an intimate partnership. Define: alone, content, happy, fulfilled, etc. - for yourself!Figure out what YOU want your life to look like and define that for yourself!If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to be free to be you, check out my and Heidi's websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. Follow me and Heidi on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok; Heidi is on

Love is an interesting thing. As both a word and a concept, it can be confusing, full of pressure, unrealistic expectations, and loss – AND, there are SO many ways we experience GASLIGHTING around what love is, how we should love, WHO we should love, where we find love, etc. And today, my guest and I will dive in to talk about the impact GASLIGHTING has had on this thing we call “LOVE”. If you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things I'm launching, conferences I'll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter by visiting my website. Bio: My guest today is Jenni Rochelle. Jenni is the creator of Love of Your Life Coaching - she is a life coach, mentor and spiritual director for women and couples healing from relational trauma BUT still want happy, healthy and intimate relationships with themselves and others. She is the host of the Beauty After Betrayal podcast with new episodes coming in 2024! Story Time: Sarah and Jenni talk about a number of ways GASLIGHTING has impacted this thing we call love - from the notion of "love of my life" to "Twin Flames" to misogynistic undertones. Top Take-Aways: You get to define love, by getting clear on the values that you would use to describe what love does/says, etc. Use bell hook's definition of love as "guardrails"/goals: "“Love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust.”Protect yourself from "Love-bombing" by not falling for the message that safe love = boring. If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my and Jenni's websites. I encourage you to follow me and Jenni on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok, and Jenni is on Instagram. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, You're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

The theme this month is: LOVE. This is going to be a month of unpacking a few of the top ways I see the topic of “LOVE” and Gaslighting intersecting. AND we're going to start it off with an amazing colleague that put up a post on social media that read, “embracing your authentic self without fear of rejection can be accomplished when you stop rejecting yourself first.”Can you relate to that statement at all? I messaged her immediately and said, “This! This is what I want to talk about on the pod!”. If you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things I'm launching, conferences I'll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter here. Bio: My guest today is Amie Woolsey. Amie Woolsey is a certified betrayal trauma life coach and Brainspotting Practitioner. She has helped hundreds of people reclaim their lives after abuse, betrayal & or divorce, using her extensive experience and holistic approach to healing the heart, mind, and body. There are multiple resources available created by Amie, alongside opportunities for both group and private coaching. Amie is the co-host of The Choose to BE Podcast, creator and host of The Empowered Divorce Podcast, is affiliated with Safe Space, and creator of her signature program, Believing In You, Divorce 101 and Intimacy Within. Story Time: Sarah and Amie have a candid conversation about a variety of ways external gaslighting led to internalizing those messages, which resulted in a variety of ways they rejected themselves... AND about a few key things that helped them in their journey BACK to themselves. Top Take-Aways: There were a number of take-aways throughout the episode, but here I'll list the three pillars Amie mentioned as her pillars of coaching. They are: Awareness, Acceptance, and Agency. Awareness = getting curious when we are "spinning" and feeling uncertain;Acceptance = the release of self-judgement;Agency = when we accept we gain clarity, and are able to move into changing any behaviors we want to. If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my and Amie's websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.I encourage you to follow me and Amie on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Amie is also on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, You're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

This is a story about control, my control. Control of what I say, control of what I do. And this time I'm gonna do it my way. For those of you too young to recognize those opening phrases, that's from Janet Jackson's song, “Control”. Not only is being called “controlling”, or some version of that sentiment, one of the most used gaslighting phrases I've heard, most people who experience chronic gaslighting have very LITTLE control. In today's episode, I'm going to unpack how the way I work with gaslighting helps my clients move into an energy of, “you're damn right I'm controlling”. If you missed it, you have one more day to get 50% off my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video course by using the code: Season2Pod. The code expires February 1st. This week, I wanted to talk about how the focus I have around gaslighting enables us to step into a much more empowered place when we are dealing with someone who is doing gaslighting behaviors, or if we've left that relationship, how we can take back what we lost.The scale of progression of effects:Confusion to self-doubt to internal conflict (cognitive dissonance) to being overwhelmed/worn out to giving in/discard reality to loss of self.Loss of self = knowing self (values, wants, needs), trusting self (boundaries), loving self, and connection to self (personality)Other definitions = main focus is intent and behaviors of the gaslighter. The gaslightee is secondary. My definition = focus is EQUAL. Old definition = things we can't be certain of (intent and level of awareness of another person). My definition = focus on thigs WE can know (behaviors and impact on us).Car analogy – One scenario, two experiences. One where the person is gaslit and has no control; the other is an example of being in control. Control of ourselves, our safety, our awareness, and of what we do and do not allow in our relationships.Top Take-Aways:"The more gaslighting I experience, the more I lose connection with myself. I am NOT alone in this. I do not need to feel ANY shame for this.While it's important to recognize gaslighting when it's happening, the MORE important thing to be aware of is ME – what I need for my safety; what I am thinking/feeling/needing/wanting; what I am and am NOT okay with in any relationship. "When it comes to my well-being, you're damn right I'm controlling – it's my sacred self-responsibility!"Don't forget about my DG Conversations webinar. Here I take you through my R2C2 process,which is Resolve, Connect, Release, and Confidence. If you resonated with a lotof what I spoke about today, then this is for you – and it's FREE.I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Do you ever wonder if the behavior another person is doing is a gaslighting behavior or something else? Many of the old definitions of gaslighting are vague, and as a result, have generated a lot of confusion and mis-labeling. Sometimes, people ARE doing gaslighting behaviors. Sometimes, they're just being an asshole. In this episode, I'll give you some beginning tips to help you sort out what is what. If you missed it last week, I'm running a special until January 31, where you can get 50% off my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video course by using the code: Season2Pod. Last week I talked about my new definition, and how it helps us see that gaslighting CAN be gaslighting BOTH when someone is intentionally doing it AND when they don't realize they're doing it.This week let's talk about what it takes for something to be gaslighting vs the person is just straight-up being an asshole. My definition = behavior & experienceBehavior has to be covert = hiddenThe gaslighter doesn't have to be aware that what they are doing is a covert behavior - it can be a learned behavior, a defense mechanism to shame or fear, as well as a number of other things. Experience has to be CONVINCED or take on the gaslighter's perceptions/beliefs/thoughts/feelings – as your own Two ways something that is NOT gaslighting, but is mistaken for it: The intended victim doesn't bend; they don't take on what the gaslighting person is trying to convince them ofThe behavior the “offender” is doing, while maybe mean/cruel/abusive, it NOT covert. Top Take-Aways: (5-10 min)So much of what happens with gaslighting results in confusion and self-doubt. I propose a top take-away is that the more you know and understand about gaslighting, the less likely you are to get sucked into gaslighting experiences. Reflecting on the second example I gave, and how the woman did NOT bend, I suggest using this question when you are confused or feeling that self-doubt: "Whether or not I'm 100% correct in my thoughts/beliefs/perspective, how would a loving, caring, thoughtful (partner, friend, parent) respond?"A mantra for self-validation and grounding yourself in truth: “Whether my person is gaslighting me or just being an asshole, this behavior is not okay. I deserve to be loved well.” If you want to understand more about the things I've been talking about in mypodcast this month, go purchase my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness videoseries. It's just $22.50 US, and you can get immediate access from my website.AND, through the month of January, you can get it at 50% off! Use promo codeSeason2Pod. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, or Tiktok. Remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, You're a phoenix and you're rising

A little over three months ago, a colleague sent me a link to a post where the author said, “Gaslighting is intentionally psychologically manipulating someone else into questioning their own sanity and/or reality. It is impossible for victims to gaslight themselves.” I deliberated as to whether or not I should jump into the conversation. I did. And I ended up being blacklisted. In today's episode, I'll share some of the misconceptions about gaslighting that fueled this poster's views, and why my views are shaking up the gaslighting world (I think, for the best!). I'm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and to go along with this month's theme of “New”, and understanding the new ways my views of gaslighting can impact your life or the life of someone that you love, I'm running a special for the rest of January. From now until January 31, get 50% off my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video course by using the code: Season2Pod. Let's break this down:Old definition of GASLIGHTING = level of awareness & motive + vague behavior = small picture of effect/impact. THIS IS A LIMITING DEFINTIONLundy Bancroft, the author of “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men,” said, “Abusive behavior and an abusive mindset are two different things. The former is a choice, while the latter is a deeply ingrained belief system.” 1 New definition/my definition = type of behavior (covert) = clear description of effect/impactThis definition is expansive; allows for MORE people to find understanding, validation, etc. People don't want to let go = somehow invalidating their trauma and/or abuse.When people gaslight = harm, regardless of level of awareness/intention, etc. Top Take-Aways:What comes up as I talked about my new definition, and the fact that a gaslighter does NOT have to be intentionally trying to break/control you? Dig a little deeper – what is behind those thoughts/feelings? For example, if you're feeling resistant, and thinking they have to be aware/doing it intentionally, ask yourself, “Why does that matter? What would be different if they weren't aware? Would that change how you have to respond? Would that mean you'd have to have different boundaries, etc.?Consider what you know about gaslighting, and what you NEED to know, in order to get clarity about your relationships.A mantra for self-validation: No matter the level of awareness or intention, it doesn't change that I don't accept gaslighting behaviors in my relationships. If you want to understand more about the different reasons people do gaslighting behaviors and the different levels of awareness, sign up for my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video series. Through the month of January, you can get it at 50% off! Use promo code Season2Pod.Follow me on your preferred social media platform… I'm on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. Thank you, and remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, You're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Welcome back to DG the podcast, and welcome TO season 2! I'm super excited to bring a different flavor to the way I talk about gaslighting and its connection to so many different aspects of our lives! The theme this month is: NEW – as in new ways to understand and talk about GASLIGHTING! And today, we're starting off with a HUGE bang as I interview one of the men in recovery that I have been working with for the past five years! Think people who gaslight can't change – this interview will help you see that MANY (though definitely not ALL) can!I'm Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and if you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things I'm launching, conferences I'll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter by visiting my website here. The guest today is Jeremy, a man in recovery, and has been sober for 10 years!Story Time: Sarah and Jeremy talk about things that were at the root of Jeremy's gaslighting, things that helped him understand what he was doing and the impact, and some word of encouragement for both the gaslighter and gaslightee! Top Take-Aways: Getting out of all or nothing/black and white thinking about gaslighters.People have options about their relationships with people who do gaslighting behaviors.There is hope that some (not all) gaslighters can heal and change.Action Steps:Education about gaslighting & holding boundaries.As I wrap up today, I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the different reasons people may do gaslighting behaviors as well as the different levels of awareness, I go into great detail in my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video series. It's just $22.50 US. I encourage you to follow me on your preferred social media platform: Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly.

Welcome back to Deconstructing Gaslighting, the podcast – SEASON TWO!In season 2, I'm going to change things up a bit – who I am, how I'm showing up in the world, and what I want to give to the world – has evolved – In large part due to the things I've been doing over the past year. And I think you'll notice right away with the change in the theme song – titled, “Phoenix”! Let me read a few of the lyrics: 'Cuz I crashed and burned, and broke and hurt, and laid there for a whileBut now I don't choke When I see smokeIt only makes me smileYou'll find me in the furnace; You'll find me in the flames'Cuz baby I'm a phoenix - And I'm rising againYou'll find me in the darkness - Breaking my chainsCuz baby I'm a phoenix - And I'm rising againMore than ever before, I've stepped into my power this past year, and I'm ready to step into the fire with you and help you rise again with the messages I'm bringing in 2024. Here's what DG the podcast, season 2, is going to bring to you: each month, I'm going to highlight a different topic, and how that topic intersects with GASLIGHITNG. For example, January is all about the NEW/different ways we need to be talking about and understanding gaslighting. February is going to be about LOVE & GASLIGHITNG. September is going to be about PARENTING & GASLIGHITNG. Sometimes I'll have guests, sometimes it will just be me flying solo. Whatever the case is, I'm excited to bring new information, tools, laughter, and sass. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt,but damn it, you're a phoenix and you're rising again. I think it's time we fly. And now, Phoenix, by Katrina Stone…

Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting, where today, Sarah and her guest have an important conversation around systemic/collective gaslighting. THIS can be one of the hardest places to undo the effects of gaslighting. Join Sarah and her AMAZING guest as they laugh, share personal stories, geek out, and give some super-helpful tips to break free and effect change – personally AND systemically. Come follow Sarah on TikTok. She's putting out some fun, but also very informative content, and believes it can only add to the things we're learning together! Word of the day: In their conversation, Sarah's guest today identifies four A's to help us. Two of them are amends and atone. It's important to describe the difference – both as something we must do, AND as something we get to require from those who have gaslit us and/or broken trust with us. According to wikidiff.com, As verbs, the difference between amend and atone is that amend is to make better while atone is to make reparation, compensation, or amends, for an offence or a crime or a sin one has committed. Make BETTER AND REPAIR. That make better part – that's called raising the bar, siss, and the both/and here is that we get to ask for it as much as we do it. The guest today is Bella J Rockman. Bella is a social scientist, neuropsychotherapist, and mental health media correspondent. Check out her JRock Therapy Academy and follow her on Instagram today!Story Time: Listen in as Sarah and Bella cover multiple facets as they have a candid conversation on the topics of collective/systemic gaslighting – where they've seen it, experienced it, and what we can do to change it!Set Your Alarm:Bella shared “The Four A's” “right off the divine dome”. When, how, where, how many of these do you need to step in to?AcknowledgeAmendAtoneActionSarah stated, “We must ask, Is there more truth here than what I've been told?”And remember – it's not about becoming who you want to be, it's about awakening all that you already are!

Does the way the word gaslighting is used make it difficult to know, FOR SURE, what is and isn't gaslighting? The more it becomes a buzz-word, the more Sarah sees people left with more questions than answers when it comes to understanding gaslighting. We struggle to name the specifics of what we're experiencing, continue to feel disempowered by focusing our power in the wrong places, are anxious due to the uncertainty of it all, and are OFTEN stuck in internal conflict. Sound familiar? Well today, Sarah lets you know how you can change that!Today Sarah highlights her 12-week Empowerment course because she knows many people are like her and get overwhelmed by lots of copy they have to read through. Word of the day: KNOWLEDGE! Britanica.com defines knowledge as: information, understanding, or skill that you get from experience or education. In the almost 10 years Sarah's been studying gaslighting, she's come to see how nuanced it is. The main point of gaslighting is the gaslightee losing connection with what they know to be true. So, HOW does a person who has LOST connection with trust in themselves stand their ground when they're trying to decide if someone is gaslighting them? THAT is exactly WHY Sarah created her 12-week course. She has deconstructed all the moving parts of a gaslighting experience and broken them down into things YOU can understand, so that you can become SKILLFUL in knowing what is and isn't gaslighting. Story Time: Sarah shares how her journey + passion = your journey - made easier. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah calls her 12-week course the Empowerment Sessions. It's a 12-week immersive experience designed to offer people a space to sit with the information they learn and anchor it DEEP! These are the topics we cover in the course:Week 1: The Journey BeginsWeek 2: The MethodsWeek 3: The TechniquesWeek 4: The TacticsWeek 5: The RolesWeek 6: Why We're Vulnerable:Week 7: Gaslighting Risks and Traps Week 8: Deconstructing GaslightingWeek 9: Relationship Healing:Week 10: Why We StayWeek 11: Embracing AwakeningWeek 12: CelebrationSet Your Alarm: Sign up for one of the course options below!Course only – 50% off (Enter coupon code: BlackFriday221)Course plus Designated Share Time – buy one get one freeCourse plus 1:1 sessions – free intensive to kick-start your journey (3 hours)While there's no cap on the course only option, the DST and 1:1 do have limited spaces. These deals are live now and will close at midnight on Monday, Nov. 28th.If you want to make sure you secure your spot, sign up for the option you want here today!And remember – it's not about becoming who you want to be, it's about awakening all that you already are!

Do you sometimes (or often) struggle to know when to stand your ground and when to compromise or hold space for the other person's unhealthy, immature, or unpredictable behavior? THIS IS A COMMON STRUGGLE – one that can very quickly take us out of our knowing. Join Sarah and her guest as they talk about how she is currently experiencing this, and some things she can do to help her STAY IN HER KNOWING!Sarah wanted to invite you to come follow her on TikTok. She's putting out some fun, but also very informative content, and believes it will only add to the things we're learning together! Find her here.Word of the day: Should - according to Oxford Languages, should is a word used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions. This is one of the biggest red flags Sarah teaches her clients to pay attention to – whether it's coming from someone else or ourselves. Should is a word that shifts our perspective EXTERNALLY, and the truth is something we find when our perspective STARTS INTERNALLY. Red flags are not automatic confirmation that gaslighting is happening – it's a warning to slow down and get curious so that we're not vulnerable to gaslighting. Let's see how this is playing out in Sarah's guest's life right now.Story Time: Sarah and her guest, Beth, run the gamut and talk about a variety of things – focusing on the difficulty Beth has had standing her ground dealing with a beloved Aunt who is gaslighting, in large part, because of her dementia. They discuss some ways she can stay in a place where she can love both her Aunt AND herself at the same time. Set Your Alarm: A few highlights from today's conversation:Pause and say to yourself, as often as you can, “Let me check in with myself”. Tap into your playwright and script out how a conversation with your gaslighter may go. Be ready for the bait, and response in a way that you don't get sucked in and don't “take the bait”. Sarah wanted to invite YOU to be a guest on the podcast. If you'd like to share your story, get her brain on what you've experienced, and have her help you to be able to understand more clearly what has been happening in your relationship, please don't hesitate to reach out to her and get on her calendar here! And remember – it's not about becoming who you want to be, it's about awakening all that you already are!

Are you in a situation where your main gaslighter is an ex that you share custody of your kids with? Do you, like Sarah's guest today, struggle with co-parenting with someone who is actively still trying to gaslight you and/or your kids? Join Sarah as she has as “on-the-fly” semi-coaching session and help her guest receive some validation, support, and a few tips. Sarah shares about an epiphany she had a few weeks ago regarding her 12-week course – If you were to start the course the week of Oct 24th, you will get to a strategic part of the course JUST IN TIME for the holidays! You will have a whole new set of information to take into those often difficult family situations; you will have sooo many ways to be able to tell when gaslighting attempts are happening, and therefore, you will have so much more power to not engage in them! Also, you will have fresh eyes on things that will give you very powerful insight to carry into the remainder of the program. Read more about that https://www.sarahmoralescoaching.com/12-week-empowerment-course (here).   Word of the day: The word of the day today is EXPECT. Oxford Languages defines expect as: regard (someone) as likely to do or be something. At first glance, you might not think that expect or expectations would be a word connected to gaslighting, but it certainly is! One way in when we realistically/fairly SHOULD be able to expect another person, because of their role, to do or be something (like a mature, contributing co-parent), and the other person uses a variety of of gaslighting tactics to convince us that our expectations are Unrealistic. Sarah and her guest have a fantastic conversation around this experience. The guest today is Sally. Story Time: Sarah and Sally talk about the struggles Sally faces as she learns how to co-parent with an ex who continues to gaslight both her and her children. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah deconstructed things as she and Sally talked “on the fly”. Set Your Alarm: Since Sarah did things on the fly today, she wanted to remind you of some of the things she said to Sally that can help you set your alarm, too: Pay attention to undermining behavior by your co-parent – ESPECIALLY love bombing that ignores boundaries you have requested and/or agreed upon. Try to not gaslight your kids as you are trying to reassure them – you're not responsible for painting your ex in a “good light”. Validate your child's experience while with the other parent – get curious with them and help them process – especially that this is not about them/it's not their fault. Sarah is inviting YOU to come have a conversation with her like she did today with Sally. You can be anonymous and safe, while feeling the power of sharing your story and helping others who are going through something similar to you. You can begin that process today by going to https://www.sarahmoralescoaching.com/contact (HERE)! Thank you for listening to today's episode.  If you found it helpful and want to help get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in specific who could benefit, please share it with them.  And remember – it's not about becoming who you want to be, it's about awakening all that you already are!

Can gaslighters get “better”? Can they stop doing gaslighting behaviors? Today, Sarah brought on a special guest, and you will get to hear the heart and actions of a person that was both a victim of gaslighting AND the gaslighter for many years – and is now not only FREE of the hold of that behavior, but is also helping many, many people heal. All three offerings of Sarah's 12-week course are NOW OPEN! While we are waiting for the app to be approved, things are still a little glitchy, but spaces are already being filled, so if you're interested in taking your understanding of gaslighting to the next level, go check it out https://www.sarahmoralescoaching.com/12-week-empowerment-course (here) today! Sarah needs you! So, if you've been waiting for the “right time” to submit your story or question for the pod, please contact https://www.sarahmoralescoaching.com/contact (here) today! Word of the day: Amends – as in, the making of – Merriam – Webster defines making amends as “to do something to correct a mistake that one has made or a bad situation that one has caused.” When you make amends, you go further than just saying, “I'm sorry.” You acknowledge your errors, then take action to make up for what has happened in the past. Now, this can get a little confusing when it comes to gaslighting, because someone who is NOT trying to truly make amends may say the right things, and step into the “Mr/Mrs. Perfect” role… some may even acknowledge their “mistakes”, but they lack the things that make for true amends. The pod guest today is Dr. Jake Porter. Check out his social media links and https://www.daringventures.com/ (website)! https://www.facebook.com/drjakeporter (Facebook),https://www.instagram.com/drjakeporter/ ( Instagram), and https://www.youtube.com/c/JacobPorter1 (Youtube.) Story Time: Sarah and Jake talk about everything from attachments, to how gaslighting shows up in the intensives work he does, how he gaslit his congregation when he was a pastor early on in both his addiction and recovery, and how he made amends for the gaslighting he did. Deconstruction Zone: Today's DZ is a little different. Sarah deconstructs how amends for gaslighting behaviors was made. While Jake didn't do it perfectly, he gave a very good example of what a real amends looks, sounds, and, most importantly, FEELS like. For Jake, amends HAD to start with recovery. Part of that recovery process is doing a “Moral Inventory”. He acknowledged the things he had done and made either direct or LIVING amends, as needed for the other person's/people's best interests and healing. Set Your Alarm: Sarah points out two crucial things to be mindful of when you are trying to assess whether or not you think your gaslighter can “change”: Look to see if your person is actually working on their stuff and living out their amends verses faking it, by keeping track of their “progress”, and measuring whether there is consistency over time – not just for a month or even a few months… this should not be a season of life, this should be a lifestyle. A true amends includes empathy and remorse. Check out all the https://www.sarahmoralescoaching.com/offerings (offerings) Sarah has on her https://www.sarahmoralescoaching.com/ (website) and follow her on your preferred social media platform… https://www.facebook.com/SarahMoralesCoaching (Facebook), https://www.instagram.com/sarahmoralescoaching/ (Instagram), and https://www.tiktok.com/@sassysarahdeconstructs (TikTok). These are all places you can engage with Sarah and the work she's doing. Remember – it's not about becoming who you want to be, it's about awakening all that you already are! 

Do you struggle with body image issues? Do you, like me, find it pretty much a daily battle to not only accept, but LOVE your body – just as it is? Today, we're going to talk about how not only external, but INTERNAL gaslighting plays a role in our body image issues. Sarah is VERY passionate about helping others truly understand gaslighting. This is the foundation for being able to OPT OUT of gaslighting experiences. The best place to start with that is her free video series and workbook Sarah created to go along with it. Word of the day: The word of the day today is coercion. Coercion is one of the seven techniques Sarah teaches about in her 12-week course. Coercion is: a form of aggressive behavior, or the practice of compelling a person to involuntarily behave in a certain way by use of threats, intimidation, or some other form of pressure or force. Coercion is often connected to more OVERT forms of abuse, and gaslighting, per Sarah's definition, is experienced through COVERT behaviors. So, how does coercion fit in to gaslighting? Multiple tactics are combined to create an experience where the “victim” is convinced that if they do not comply, they will be punished – usually, that punishment comes in the form of not being loved/accepted/valued, etc. Sarah goes into this in much greater detail in her course. The guest today is Leslie Jordan Garcia. Leslie is a well-being entrepreneur who works with individuals and organizations to decolonize wellness through better relationships with food and our bodies. You can follow her and learn about her course here. Story Time: Sarah and Leslie talk about sooo many great things – from how Leslie, as an elite athlete, was overweight by the army's standards when she enlisted, to how race can impact body image, to how the diet culture has sold us a lie. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah deconstructs the process of self-gaslighting when it comes to body image issues. It starts with some sort of external message – either direct or indirect/spoken or unspoken. Within that message is coercion overlapping with brainwashing. We don't know that we can challenge these thoughts, and we NEED to feel loved and wanted, so we unknowingly make an agreement that thin = desirable. The external gaslighting has internalized and we've assimilated our gaslighter's message. We now gaslight ourselves. Set Your Alarm: Leslie shares her acronym, RAIN – Recognize, Allow to roll off, Investigate, and Natural Awareness. Set Your Snooze: Sarah ads in something we can do in that “Investigate” part of RAIN. To help you do this, when you've noticed you're self-shaming/self-loathing your body, ask yourself, “If I were free to be me and love myself, and KNEW I wouldn't be any more loveable/desirable/worthy than I am right now, how would I talk to myself; how would I feel about my body? Sarah suggests a few things that could be mantras you repeat as you are breaking agreements and writing your own narrative about your body: Our bodies are so much more than calories in and calories out. They don't get to define me – they don't get that power. I define me.  Friendly reminder: Sarah has new ways to go through her signature program.  Check it out and follow Sarah on your preferred social media platform: Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. These are all places you can engage with Sarah and the work She's doing.  And remember – it's not about becoming who you want to be, it's about awakening all that you already are!   

Have you ever sought out help – whether that be a therapist, religious leader, life coach, or even doctor – and not only did you NOT walk away from that experience with the help that you needed, but you ended up being further confused, possibly misdiagnosed, and re-traumatized? Today, Sarah and her guest deconstruct how gaslighting is almost always a part of these experiences and give you some tips on how to protect yourself moving forward.  Sarah is VERY passionate about helping others truly understand gaslighting. This is the foundation for being able to OPT OUT of gaslighting experiences. The best place to start with that is Sarah's free https://www.sarahmoralescoaching.com/free-gaslighting-workshop (video series), where you can also gain access to the workbook Sarah created to go along with it. Word of the day: Rationalization. Oxford Dictionary defines rationalization as the action of attempting to explain or justify behavior or an attitude with logical reasons, even if these are not appropriate. In the case of gaslighting, rationalization is used similarly to minimization (that's why it's “inappropriate). The guest today is Julie St. Onge. She is the Founder of The New England Betrayal Trauma Conference and https://newenglandcoachingservices.com/ (New England Coaching Services). https://www.instagram.com/newenglandcoachingservices/ (Instagram) Story Time: Sarah and Julie talk about the examples from Julie's life where she tried to get help, but was instead further traumatized, and how she was able to find good, trauma-informed help… and, how she's turned that around into helping others. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah highlights how the helping professional -in today's story, multiple pastors – ended up furthering the trauma that was being experienced by engaging in gaslighting behaviors.   The pastors rationalized away the harmful/abusive behaviors, and over-spiritualized the response to the abuse; they minimized Julie's reality, threw her values into conflict, and basically created a diversion by placing the emphasis on spiritual principles (applied inappropriately) instead of addressing the abuse and giving Julie not only practical help, but “permission” to advocate for her safety. They minimized the risk she and her children were in, and changed (or attempted to change) the reality Julie was living day in and day out. Even they likely were not doing this on purpose – intent doesn't really matter here. We don't have to make excuses for helping professionals who step outside of their training, experience, and expertise. They need to do better. Set Your Alarm: Julie shares a few tips: take safety assessments; review the power-control wheel. Take stock of changes you notice in yourself (within 90 days) – if no change, add or change your helper. If you need to, advocate by saying, “I'm feeling stuck, can we have an evaluation?” Snooze button: Sarah encouraged that when it comes to helping professionals, don't settle. You deserve to be heard, validated, and supported; you deserve to have a helper that sees you, listens to you, and helps you not only survive what you're going through, but be able to believe in yourself and begin to thrive again. Good news! Sarah's OMB is working out the final things on her website, so she's just days away from having her new ways to go through her signature program be live on her https://www.sarahmoralescoaching.com/ (website)!  Go check it out and follow Sarah on https://www.facebook.com/SarahMoralesCoaching (Facebook), https://www.instagram.com/sarahmoralescoaching/ (Instagram) or https://www.tiktok.com/@sassysarahdeconstructs (TikTok). These are all places you can engage with Sarah and the work she's doing.  And remember – it's not about becoming who you want to be, it's about awakening all that you already are!   

Do you have questions about gaslighting, or perhaps, you'd like someone – ANYONE – to help you understand whether or not your specific situation is one where gaslighting is happening? In today's short episode, Sarah shares some ways you can get those answers. Sarah is on mission to help people move from a place of confusion and self-doubt into a place of clarity, confidence, empowerment, and peace – and she'd love to help YOU. Today's episode is really just a check-in with her listeners – this summer created a number of opportunities that basically ended up in Sarah having a sabbatical from the podcast, so she wanted to let y'all know that she has some amazing guests lined up, but she's not going to put up another episode until the first week in September. In the meantime, she wanted to invite you to consider bringing things to her that you would like to have feedback on or answers to. Here are some ways to do that, and important things to know: Whatever way you submit things to the podcast, you always have the opportunity to use an alias. If you'd like to ONLY submit your question/situation in writing, not only can you remain anonymous, you don't even have to have your voice recorded; there are ways you can remain 100% anonymous if you'd like to. The two ways you can submit your story: 1) As you know, you can come on and be on air with Sarah on an episode – these end up often feeling quite a bit like a coaching session, and many of Sarah's guests report back how helpful the experience was for them in a number of ways. 2) Sarah is now moving into taking written submissions. You would contact her, let her know you'd like to submit something, and she'll email you with questions to answer to help her put your situation into her podcast format. The various types of situations you can submit: intimate partner, family of origin, religious, co-parenting, step-parenting/blended family, work, friend, therapeutic, cultural… and anything else you can think of!  Set Your Alarm: In today's alarm, here's what you can do: Think about situations/relationships where you feel things are “off”, or you are plagued with self-doubt or confusion. Jot down some examples of common experiences that create this dynamic for you. Reach out to Sarah under the contact tab on sarahmoralescoaching.com. Reminder: Sarah is just DAYS away from going live with her new offerings for her 12-week signature program – you can go to sarahmoralescoaching.com NOW to read up on it, and get yourself hyped to get started! And if you haven't already done so, start by going through Sarah's free video series (what used to be called her workshop). And remember – it's not about becoming who you want to be, it's about awakening all that you already are! 

Does it ever feel like your gaslighter says and/or does things to push your buttons? This can happen in a variety of ways, with a number of different results. In today's episode, Sarah and her guest deconstruct how she experienced her gaslighter doing what we call poking the bear. Would you like to share your story, get Sarah's brain on what you've experienced, and understand more clearly what's been happening in your relationship? Access the calendar https://calendly.com/sarah-morales-coaching/podcast-guest (here).  Word of the day: Exaggerate.  According to dictionary.com, to exaggerate is to magnify beyond the limits of truth; overstate; represent disproportionately. When it comes to gaslighting, we typically see this in two different flavors: the gaslighter exaggerating their wounds, OR, as we'll see in today's story, exaggerating “faults”… and when we say faults, it's taking normal, human behavior, and exaggerating them so that they appear as character faults. Story Time: Sarah and Linda discuss how Linda came to see how her soon-to-be-ex-husband used this tool of exaggeration to paint himself as the victim, and was able to “poke the bear” in his interactions with her – especially once the divorce process began. Deconstruction Zone: Linda's gaslighter used exaggeration to both exaggerate the impact on him and the intensity of her behaviors in order to change the narrative and paint himself as the victim. He used multiple techniques and tactics to do this: deception (lying), mind games, diversion and brainwashing, as well as distorting the facts. Gaslighting is an exchange – a discarding of our reality and a taking on of another person's reality as our own.  We don't know that we do it, AND, we need to see how/where it happened for us if we're going to avoid it in other relationships.  We can see this exchange happen in Linda's story – she was this kick-ass, single mom, getting shit done, and she became (because of the gaslighting) someone who doubted themselves deeply.  This is a common result of chronic gaslighting. Set Your Alarm: With exaggeration, Sarah gives her clients the UHH scale, as a sort of “fact checking”.  When someone paints themselves as the victim, they use words to try to convince you of how you're hurting them, but the evidence does not support it. Ask yourself, where on the UHH scale does what I'm doing fall? As in almost every case – sink in to YOUR knowing. If your gaslighter is telling you your anger is out of control, etc., - get clear on how YOU would define these things. Your gaslighter doesn't have to agree with you, but it changes the way we SEE OURSLEVES, which is key.  They can continue to hold whatever description of you they want – YOU know when you're stepping out of alignment with how you want to behave when you are angry, etc. YOU DEFINE YOU. Nobody else gets to define you. If needed, check with other (safe) people to get feedback: “Is this how you see me?”. More likely than not, your safe people will tell you the truth (and it will likely be something like, “That's ridiculous). Sarah is going to have some exciting new ways to go through her signature program, and she's getting closer to launching them every day. Follow her on https://www.facebook.com/SarahMoralesCoaching (FB), https://www.instagram.com/sarahmoralescoaching/ (IG), or https://www.tiktok.com/@sassysarahdeconstructs (TikTok). And remember – it's not about becoming who you want to be, it's about awakening all that you already are!   

Do you like to connect with the people you're allowing to speak into your life? Like, maybe, people whose podcast you listen to? LOL. The more we get a sense of who someone is, how they live their lives, what's important to them, the struggles they have, etc – the more we connect with them. The more we connect with them, the more we trust them – and trust is not an easy thing to come by when it's been damaged for you. In today's episode, Sarah does something she has NEVER done in any public arena – she's invited her wife to come on the podcast to talk about their life together. Here's your weekly invitation to be on the podcast!  If you have any interest, please don't hesitate to contact Sarah – she'd love to address any concerns you might have and make it an experience where you are being helped, and she can help a lot of other people, too.  Click HERE to get the ball rolling. Sarah's guest today is her wife, Melanie; she is the one that has been behind the scenes, supporting Sarah's passion and pursuit of bringing her Deconstructing Gaslighting offerings to the world! Melanie is a graphic designer turned nurse, turned travel nurse. She loves experiencing new things and will never say no to trying a new cheese, beer/wine, or restaurant. She loves her people well, and her favorite day of her life was when Sarah said yes to marrying her. Story Time: Sarah and Melanie spend time answering both fun and “serious” questions about their relationship. Set Your Alarm: If there is a take-away from this episode, Sarah would love for you to take away: Don't make concessions/settle Know your minimums and be mindful of the self-gaslighting of “I want too much”, and other limiting beliefs. You deserve to be loved well, too. Thank you, dear listeners, for joining Sarah and Melanie on their “date night”. They hope you enjoyed getting to know them a little bit, and maybe found some inspiration for setting the bar high in your own relationships.   And remember – it's not about becoming who you want to be, it's about awakening all that you already are!