Podcasts about shrovetide

Vi har precis släppt en video där vi deltar i Shrovetide fotball, som är världens våldsammaste fotbollsmatch. I poddavsnittet berättar vi om allt som hände under resan och hur det var att delta i matchen. Längre och reklamfria avsnitt av podden hittar ni på vår Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/randommakingmovies Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Myles is battling a leaky roof, Ryan has found a new hobby, Tyler has done something he's never done before, and Jerrod has an observation about women. In the next segment, (39:54) we get a lesson on The Royal Shrovetide and (59:27) discuss which is better—Airbnbs or hotels.Finally, Myles reads a family member's diary, Ryan and Tyler become authors, and Jerrod shares a Google review of a business in Milwaukee. Plus, one fun fact for St. Patrick's Day!Link to the other Shrovetide video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQ2_E3B9s-o&t=18s&ab_channel=UrbanPicturesBecome a Patron:➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/youbetcharadio⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Check out our merch:➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://ohhyoubetcha.com/collections/products⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Check out our Youtube➡️ https://www.youtube.com/@youbetcharadio

The importance of sleep for all ages and the health benefits a good night's sleep provides, the interesting rivalry game that takes place in England, and a long flight diverted due to bathroom misconduct. Plus, on This Day in History, FDR's first “fireside chat” during the Great Depression. Quality sleep speeds up kids' concussion recovery - UPI.com Poor sleep drives high blood pressure In teens, study indicates - UPI.com Sleepy nurses vulnerable to common cold, other infections - UPI.com Royal Shrovetide is a wild ancient version of soccer still played today | AP News Down'Ards win Ashbourne Royal Shrovetide Football game | BBC Air India confirms Chicago plane returned due to clogged toilets | BBC Air India asks passengers to stop flushing clothes down plane toilets - UPI.com Clogged toilets are the latest among Air India's bizarre troubles – NBC Chicago FDR broadcasts first 'fireside chat' during the Great Depression | March 12, 1933 | HISTORY Contact the show - coolstuffcommute@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

learn all about Carnival, Shrovetide

Vicar's wife, Jenna, decides to give up sex for Lent!A series in 17 parts, by Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. The Jenna series started with ‘Jenna Goes To Church', followed shortly after with ‘Jenna, the Vicar's Wife'. It resumed recently with Jenna's New Year'; and now it continues with a Lentil 2-part story. Other episodes will follow.It was the last Sunday of Shrovetide, known as Quinquagesima. At St. Michael's Church, Reverend Morris had amassed a pile of old palm crosses, intending to burn them on Ash Wednesday."Shouldn't be long before the first members of the faithful arrive," he said to his wife Jenna, who was adjusting the flowers at the side of the pulpit."Oh before I forget, I've got something for you to burn on Ash Wednesday," she smiled, handing him a pair of her panties."This is an unusual-looking palm cross!" He replied. "I think I'd better burn this separately from the others! Is there some reason why you want your undies reduced to ash?""Well Simon, I've been thinking. And I've finally decided what I'm going to give up for Lent.""You're giving up wearing underwear?""Ha-ha. Tempting, but no. I'm giving up sex."Reverend Morris almost dropped the box full of crosses. "What? Sex? No, you can't be serious!"Jenna nodded. "I'm 100% serious, my love. Lent is supposed to be hard, and you're always going on about how part of being a good Christian is making sacrifices and so on. It's traditionally a time of fasting and abstaining from something to repent and focus our hearts and minds on the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.""Yes, but within reason, Jen! I don't expect you to suffer hardship as bad as that!""I can do it, Simon. I'm committed to seeing it through. It's only forty days.""B-but, that's six weeks!" the vicar whined, looking as if his entire world was about to end. "I, I'm not sure I can, er, go without for so long!""Now Simon, you're a man of God. You're stronger than most. I know you can do this. And just think how wonderful it will be when Easter comes, everything in calf, bursting out in spring glory, sap rising, mating seasons beginning, shoots thrusting upwards, days getting longer, ""Vicars dying of horniness, " Reverend Morris sighed."Exactly. And it won't just be you going without. The other chaps of this church will have to go without as well!""Oh my goodness, Jenna. There's going to be a lot of frustration building up in this church! When you say no sex, does that mean, ""No physical contact whatsoever, my dearest! No blowjobs, no kissing, no cock in cunt, nada! Just like social distancing."Reverend Morris' lip was trembling. "Not even a kiss?""Nope. I'll be sleeping in the spare bedroom until Easter. I can blow you a kiss. And whilst we can't do anything involving physical contact, there are other naughty ways we can get through Lent.""Like what?""Use your imagination, Simon!"He thought for a moment. "So I'll have to make do with dating Rosie Palms until Easter?""If it helps you cope, yes!"The reverend took a deep breath. "You're absolutely right, Jenna. I can get through this. I admire you so much for deciding to have a sex ban. In fact, I think I love you even more, and I didn't think that possible!""Aww. Ditto." She kissed him. "We'll make the most of Shrove Tuesday," she added, with a wink. "I'm going to do some creative things with pancakes."He slipped his arms around her. "Remember that morning after the Candlemas service, when we got soaking wet in the rain and we just ravished each other once we got back to the vicarage?""Hee hee, yes. Or that time last month during that short holiday in Lincolnshire when we stayed in that weird hotel, and the ghost gatecrashed our passion?""Bit early in the morning for that, isn't it? Then again, I'm not complaining!" A voice shouted, and they both looked round. Gordon the organist had just arrived.Moments later, Josh the curate appeared."Morning guys!" Jenna smiled. She turned back to her husband. "You'd better get your robes on. Looks like some of the congregation are here already. I'll go and hand out some hymn books."He nodded and headed off to the vestry. "Forty days," he sighed. "God, .I will really need your help through this difficult time!"And just how were some of the other male members of St. Michael's Church going to cope for forty days without any 'spiritual guidance' from the vicar's wife?Shrove Tuesday (the eve of Lent)On Shrove Tuesday, Jenna spent all afternoon mixing pancake batter. It would've been quicker to buy some ready-made pancakes from Tesco, but where was the fun in that? She looked at the kitchen wall clock."Come on Simon, you're late. How long does a meeting with the Bishop take?"Her husband had been out all day. At last, she heard his car pull up on the drive."Good. Now the fun begins."The front door opened and Reverend Morris came rushing in. "Sorry I've been so long. Bishop George kept prattling on for ages and then coming back home there's been a road accident so I had to take the long way home, oh I see you've been busy!" He noticed his wife was completely naked except for an apron."Welcome home," she smirked. "It's time to flip some pancakes. Is my randy reverend able to provide some batter?"He licked his lips. "What sort of batter would you be requiring?""Hmm, let's see. That special 'anointing oil' you used during my 21st birthday?" She whirled a frying pan in her hand and flipped a pancake. "Here's one I prepared earlier."His hands found her shoulders, and turned her to face him. His hands moved up to cup her face and Jenna felt his lips close around hers in a tender kiss. She returned it with rising passion, slipping her tongue into his mouth. As their tongues danced, Jenna quickly unfastened her apron, letting it slide down over her smooth skin to the kitchen floor.She could hear Reverend Morris unfastening his own garments, and when he embraced her tightly, she felt his bare skin press against hers with delicious warmth. Her husband's mouth left her lips, trailing down her neck to her chest. He took a nipple in his mouth and teased the erect tip. It was perhaps the upcoming sex ban enhancing his senses, but Jenna's breasts had never felt so full, and had never tasted so sweet. His hands roamed down over her arse, savoring her curves.Reverend Morris moved back up her body, his lips playing over her breasts, then back up her neck. Jenna's hands slid down his chest and at last reached their goal. She gripped his throbbing member, took a few steps backward, pulling gently but firmly, and he promptly followed her. She felt the edge of the kitchen countertop meet her lower back, and she swiftly heaved herself on to the cool granite surface and lay back, spreading her legs.Reverend Morris had a sudden urge to taste his wife; his tongue met with her soft skin just above her clit, then down into her folds, tasting, discovering and exploring all that she had to offer. He began to suck and lick her clit. How he loved to worship at this altar.Jenna reached for the bowl of pancake batter. A wooden spoon was sticking out of the bowl. Without hesitation, she began spooning the batter down her breasts."It tastes alright," she murmured, placing a blob of batter on her husband's nose. "But it needs an extra ingredient, ""Umm, I think I can help you there.""Fuck me religiously, darling." Jenna said hoarsely.A pair of strong, silky legs wrapped around the vicar's arse. He lowered himself onto her and felt those glorious batter-coated breasts rub against his chest as he began thrusting into her. He tried to set a steady, leisurely pace to begin, but the legs around him urged him on faster and harder. Reverend Morris responded with enthusiasm, and within moments he was pounding into his wife with all his strength, mindful that after tonight he wouldn't be able to do this for six weeks."Yes, yes, oh my God yes, I've never felt anything like it!" Jenna moaned."Bloody hell, I'm coming, oh Jenna!" Reverend Morris yelled as his stream of hot cum filled up her cunt and flowed back out onto the kitchen countertop.Jenna lay back on the countertop, eyes closed. It was several minutes before her breathing had calmed enough for her to speak."Did I provide enough batter?" Reverend Morris asked."Your holy offering was more than generous!""Forty days without from this moment on. You've still time to change your mind.""I'm sticking to it, Simon. We'll get through Lent. We'll have to think up some creative contactless ways to get our rocks off."The smell of burning interrupted them. They both glanced at the stove. To Jenna's dismay, the pancake she'd been cooking had been virtually cremated in the frying pan."Oh dear," she said, gazing at the remains of the pancake, which now resembled a lump of coal."Now that's what I call a perfect burnt offering for Ash Wednesday!" Reverend Morris replied.The Organist is Entertained.Gordon Leesmith always looked forward to Thursday evening arriving. This was when he had organ practice at church, and for the past few months he'd been teaching Jenna to play the organ. These lessons were really just an excuse for a passionate romp with the stunning vicar's wife, who was always more than willing to get her hands on the organ in his trousers, rather than the church one.Gordon hummed to himself as he brewed himself a cup of tea. He checked the time. It was only just after midday. Six hours to go. He was impatient and horny, but in a very happy mood. He'd just returned from seeing his Primary Care physician. That in itself something of a miracle in modern Britain; and received good news. His benign prostate enlargement wasn't as bad as he'd feared. Despite being a bit overweight, the doctor had given him a clean bill of health. His blood pressure was low, and so was his cholesterol.Today was his birthday. He was fifty six. A year ago, Gordon had been a miserable, short-tempered man who didn't endear himself to anyone else in the church. Long-divorced, impotent and frustrated with being alone for so long, his life had turned upside down when a young woman by the name of Jenna Fox had started attending St. Michael's Church. A few months later, she'd turned her attentions to flirting with him. Never in a million years did Gordon think he'd end up getting his cock sucked by a stunning redhead whilst he sat on the organ stool.As Gordon sipped his tea, his phone vibrated."Oh, an email from Jenna," he smiled, checking the message.Happy Birthday Gordon! About tonight. I'm afraid I can't make tonight's organ practice. I won't be able to until Easter arrives. Thing is, I've chosen to give up sex for Lent. I know you won't to hear this and it's going to be so hard for me to stick to this, but you've got to test yourself and set a challenge, right? It's what being a Christian is all about. I truly hope you'll understand. But - that doesn't mean we can't still have some fun! Make sure you visit the church - I've left a birthday present for you on the organ stool, trust me, it'll see you through this hard time. And when Easter comes, Jesus won't be the only person that rises, wink wink. It'll be worth the wait, keep your organ pipe warm for me.Love Jenna. xxx"She's abstaining from sex?" Gordon almost dropped his cup of tea. "Wait, what? Oh no! This is a nightmare! I won't be able to have a fuck for six weeks? Bloody hell! I'll go round the bend, I can't even call on Yulia's mate Martika anymore. Damn it, why did she have to bugger off back to Ukraine?"He wasn't sure whether to scream or burst into tears, but after he overcame the initial shock, he took a deep breath and composed himself."Well if she's gone on strike that means the vicar, the churchwarden, the curate and the bishop won't be getting any cunt either. Ha! Misery loves company, as the old saying goes. Gordon suddenly felt much better, knowing he wasn't the only one being denied the pleasure. Still, six weeks, God, this was going to be a struggle."Hmm, oh well. I've endured worse. I once had to endure that ‘Brotherhood of Man' tribute act in Skegness. I wonder what Jenna's got me for my birthday?"He picked up his car keys. There was only one way to find out.When Gordon arrived at the church, he discovered that the door was unlocked. Usually he had the place to himself, and he was thankful for that, given the sort of "organ practice" he liked to engage in with Jenna. Cautiously, he entered the church. The sound of a vacuum cleaner could be heard. Mrs. Wilcox, one of the many "old church biddies" as Gordon secretly called them, was busy cleaning up the aisle. Noticing the organist approaching, the slightly-built pensioner switched off the vacuum."Ah, hello Gordon! Are you here to tickle the ivories? I'm just finishing off here and then I'll be out of your way." It wasn't at all fair to describe Gladys as an ‘old biddy'. She kept herself fit and classy, and besides the rotation of sanctuary cleaning which she took part, she also headed up an outreach to single mothers in the community."Hello Gladys. No need to stop on my account. I usually come here in the evening, but, er, change of plans. You know, you really should lock yourself in when you're here by yourself. You know what it's like these days. Quite a few crackheads and drunks hang around the churchyard, some can be intimidating."The old woman rolled her eyes. "Oh they don't concern me, dearie. I carry a small can of mace in my apron pocket. My grandson Dwaine bought it for me online. He'll be arriving soon to give me a lift home."Gordon raised an eyebrow. "Blimey. There's more to you than meets the eye. Is that stuff even legal?""Maybe not, but you won't rat on an oldie, will you?" She looked back over her shoulder at him, then winked.Gordon laughed. "My lips are sealed, Gladys."Gordon's Lentil Gift From JennaHe hurried to the organ. "Crafty old gal," he said to himself. On the stool was a red gift bag. "Ah, this must be Jenna's little present for me," he said sitting down on the stool and opening the bag. A large red envelope and something wrapped in pink tissue paper were inside. He opened the envelope, and pulled out a birthday card. Inside, Jenna had written a little rhyme.Organists are sexyNone more than youOpen your presentIt'll help you get through!Xxxx"Ha-ha," Gordon chuckled. "Well whatever is this present?" He began tearing off the tissue paper. "What's this? A torch?" He held up the plastic object, then removed the cap on the end. "Bloody hell. She's bought me one of those fleshlight sex toys!" He peered closely at the silicone vagina. "Nice cunt lips, even if they are artificial, oh wait, there's a piece of paper stuffed inside." He pulled out the note.Hello Gordon. I had this specially made for you. Now you can still put your organ pipe inside me all through Lent! P S - don't forget to use the lube!"Wow, she had a cast of her own cunt made just for me! What a great birthday present! Last year all I got was a pair of slippers from my cousin." He noticed the small bottle of clear lube in the bottom of the gift bag, but didn't pay much attention to it, being too distracted by the sex toy. His erection was straining painfully against his underpants and trousers. Despite Mrs. Wilcox still busily vacuuming the pew cushions, Gordon unzipped and pulled out his cock. He peered over the top of the organ. The old girl had her back to him and besides, you had to walk round to the side of the organ to see anything. He was safely concealed behind the instrument. She wouldn't notice him having a quick wank,"Never used a sex toy before," he muttered to himself, sticking a finger into the fleshlight. "First time for everything though. It feels really tight, let's give it a go." He attempted to slide his cock inside."God, this is really tight, oof!" He managed to slide his cock halfway in, but instantly regretted it."Bit too tight, ouch!" He tried to pull out, but his cock was fully stuck inside the toy.The realization hit him. "Shit. I should've used the lube."Gordon bit his lip, as he tried to ease the thing off this manhood, but to no avail."Oh no."Gladys the paramedicMrs. Wilcox switched off the vacuum cleaner and glanced round. She could just see the top of Gordon's head. The organ was completely silent."Is he playing with the volume turned down?" She wondered.Gordon was starting to panic. If he didn't get this toy off soon, things could become embarrassing. He didn't want to have to drive up to an emergency medical center to get it removed."Come off, damn you, come off!" He grunted."Having problems, dearie?" Mrs. Wilcox said, appearing at the side of the organ. "Oh my!"Gordon looked mortified. "Um, hello Gladys," he mumbled. "I've got a bit of a problem.""I can see that, you silly boy. What on earth have you been doing? I trust that's not an outsized organ stop?"The organist blushed crimson. "Er, no. It's not. It's a, look, it's got stuck. I can't get it off my, thing.""Let's have a look." Before he could protest, she grabbed the fleshlight and pulled on it."Oww!" Gordon yelled. "Don't yank it like that, Gladys! I don't want to end up like John Wayne Bobbitt!""Needs some lubricant or something. That should help. When I was a child, I got my father's chamber pot stuck on my head. Mother used lard to get it off.""There's a bottle of lube in that bag," Gordon winced, as his cock started to hurt.Mrs. Wilcox wasted no time, and squirted a generous amount of the clear gel on her hands, before smearing some round the base of Gordon's cock. He gave an awkward cough as her gnarled old fingers probed around his privates. He'd never be able to look this eighty-something woman in the eye again during a church service. Going to A & E would be more embarrassing, he kept telling himself. Then again, perhaps not!"Alright, let's try easing if off. Nice and slow." Mrs. Wilcox gripped the base of his cock, and with her left hand began to gently pull the fleshlight. It began to slide off. "That's it! It's coming off now! Gently does it!""Almost," Gordon said, gritting his teeth.She continued to pull and finally, the toy slid off, with a popping sound."There we are! Pop goes the weasel!" Mrs. Wilcox smiled. She handed him the offending toy."Thanks so much," Gordon gasped, relieved that his cock hadn't come to any serious harm."What a big, thick willy you've got!" Mrs. Wilcox replied. "No wonder that thing got stuck!""Er, thanks," Gordon mumbled, feeling more embarrassed than ever."No need to be shy, dearie. A man who is blessed like you shouldn't hide his light under a bushel, no! It's so much bigger than my late husband's was. Dear old Bert, he used to love it when I played with his willy. Of course that was over twenty years ago. I wish I could give yours a proper sucking, but I'd have to remove my dentures, and I've used the Poligrip, "The mention of dentures being removed was almost sufficient to make Gordon lose his erection. He was about to say something, but she continued."On the other hand, an opportunity like this doesn't come my way very often! You don't mind letting an old lady have a little bit of fun before she ends up down the cemetery or in a nursing home do you, Gordon? I'm eighty-six. My mouth is pretty much all that works these days, so that will have to do. Think of it as my reward for rescuing your phallic treasure." She dragged over a nearby kneeling bench, knelt, and motioned for Gordon to step to offer her some ‘communion'.He hadn't the heart to say no. "Um, you go ahead, Gladys." Gordon closed his eyes as she removed her false teeth. He hadn't planned on getting a gum-job from a granny. He presented His cock on the padded velvet counter of her communion kneeler. She gasped in marvel at the glorious treat laying near her covered breasts. Then took his shaft slowly in one hand, and cupped his balls with her other hand. Her eye's sparkled as she beheld the phallus. And then her mouth engulfed his cock.Grasping the base of the shaft, Mrs. Wilcox took the organist's throbbing cock in her mouth and started to move her head back and forth, taking it deeper and deeper."Oh," Gordon sighed. He leaned back, gripping the sides of the organ stool and enjoyed the wonderful sensations as she sucked his manhood. She was good, no, she was very good! This was better than he ever could've imagined. The white-haired pensioner's head continued bobbing up and down on Gordon's cock, tasting some of the pre-cum."Oh yes!" He gasped. God, it felt so good!She withdrew and licked the tip of his cock, swirling around the purple head, as her fingers softly stroked the shaft. Her old skills began to come back to her. Her head and lips moved in an erotic performance. Her tongue provided a private performance that only his cock would ever experience. And the sultry ora she exuded was masterful. This woman was a sex god that only her husband ever worshipped. And now, Gordon was added to that exclusive clan of devotees."Gladys, I'm going to come," Gordon panted. "Uh!""Then fire away, dearie! I'd love a taste!" She felt him tense and then he climaxed. With that, he filled her mouth with streams of his thick, sticky cum as it spurted to the back of her throat. Mrs. Wilcox slurped and swallowed it all. Then she pressed her nose hard against his pelvice, and his thick meat pressed her larynx.As his final spurts tapered off, she very slowly pulled her head back, until his cock flopped down on the velvet padding where Gladys' grandchildren receieved their first holy Eucarist. "Umm, tastes just as good as I remember! There we go, Gordon. I'm sure you feel better now that you've emptied your plums!" She patted his cock, before lovingly tucking it back into his briefs and trousers and zipping him up. "You know something, a fine young man like you could easily pull a lady. Why, I bet there's loads of ladies who'd jump at the chance to get their hands on you! You're such a talented organist too, and you've been divorced a long time. Oh, If I were thirty years younger."Young? She thinks I'm young? I suppose to an octogenarian, fifty-six is young."Oh, I don't want to get married again," Gordon replied, wiping his brow. "I'd prefer something, casual." He cleared his throat. "Thanks for, helping me Gladys!""Well we're all good Christians here, yes? We should help each other!" Gladys looked at where she was kneeling. “Did you know, Gordon; The Greek word for communion is ‘koinonia'. It's also the Greek word for ‘intercourse'? I'll always cherish this special treat you've shared with me.”The door of the church opened and a hulking, six-foot young man came strolling in. He was covered in tattoos and obviously a regular visitor to the gym, as his massive upper arms and shoulders proved. The man looked like he could break necks merely by flicking his finger."Gran, are you here?"Gordon froze in horror as he peered over the top of the organ. "Who the hell's that?" The man resembled Lewis Hamilton bulked up on steroids."Oh that'll be Dwaine, my grandson," Mrs. Wilcox replied. "Be with you in a minute, sweetie!" She called out. "I've just been helping Gordon to polish his organ!"A Sermon That's More Stimulating Than Usual.Reverend Morris was struggling to write his sermon. It was only the second week of Lent, but he was finding this one harder than he ever imagined. The sex ban that his wife had imposed was starting to bite. Jenna seemed to be coping much better than him, and he felt ashamed at his weakness."Help me to be strong, Lord!"Suddenly, his phone beeped. A message from Jenna.Hello Simon. It's lunch break here at work. I figured you're still home alone and maybe feeling a bit, stressed? Why not look up Write-Erotica for some inspiration?She added a winking emoji"Write-Erotica? What's that?" the vicar wondered. He eagerly opened the laptop's browser. "A site for writers of erotic fiction? Hmm. I've never heard of this before. I'm always years behind everyone else, when it comes to things. Okay, let's have a browse. I wonder if there are any naughty fictions about clergy on here?"Reverend Morris soon discovered that the tags for "priest" "vicar" and "church sex" brought up a massive number of results. He was spoilt for choice and clicked on several stories. Some were much-better written than others."Jessica and Father Andrew broke the kiss, a trail of saliva still connecting their lips together. Their mouths were still so close to each other. Jessica let out a small breath as the priest grabbed her tight little ass. "You can go inside, if you want," she told him, then she pressed her lips on his mouth again and soon enough Father Andrew's tongue was in her mouth now, not that she minded at all. They had to be very quiet because they were in the confessional booth,"Reverend Morris read out loud."But the church was empty, so why did they need to be quiet? Eh, I'm just nit picking. This is a pretty hot story!" Feeling himself getting hard, Reverend Morris unzipped his trousers and slipped a hand inside, pulling out his cock. As he continued to read, he started jacking his cock slowly.Jessica unzipped the priest's pants, ‘oh yes,' he said. He began to moan and groan as he continued pleasuring himself.Her sweet, heavenly lips worshipped his holy shaft in ways he never imagined,It felt so wonderful jerking his throbbing cock whilst reading this erotic fic. Reverend Morris began to move his hips around and his legs straightened out under the desk. Soon he laid his head back and stretched his body further. Next thing he know, he let out a rather loud, "Oh, yes, yes that's it!" and started to cum.His milky fluid spurted out and all over his laptop keyboard."Ah,"Write-Erotica had done its work and provided Reverend Morris with some much-needed relief, as well as inspiration."I still don't know what to write about for my sermon, but I'd love to have a go at writing an erotic story just for Jenna," he smiled, getting some wet wipes and cleaning up his keyboard. "I've never tried writing erotica before, but first time for everything! Maybe we could write a chain story or something, and get it finished just before Easter? That could be fun!"Excited by this new idea, the vicar opened a new Word document and began typing away."I'll just write a few paragraphs of smut and then I must finish my sermon!" At the Sunday Eucharist,Reverend Morris was joined by another vicar, who was standing in for Josh the curate, who was attending a conference in Birmingham, as part of his ongoing religious training."A very warm welcome to everyone this morning," Reverend Morris began, addressing the congregation. "As we continue our journey through Lent, I'd like to introduce Reverend Jones from St. Wilfrid's church in Manchester. It's a great honor for her to be here today - she'll be reading the sermon I've been laboring over all week,""Poor woman," someone in the congregation muttered, leading to some muffled sniggers.While the vicar was talking, Gordon was idly peering over the top of the organ. He noticed Jenna sat in the front pew and winked at her. Moments later, Mrs. Wilcox, who was sat next to her, winked back at him and gave him a little wave. Gordon gave an awkward smile and shrunk back behind the organ,"Without further ado, I shall now hand over to Reverend Jones," Reverend Morris said.The vicar of St. Wilfrid's was a dumpy, bespectacled woman, aged about fifty, with grey hair in a bowl cut."Looks like the identical twin of that MP woman," an old man muttered. "What's her name? Therese, something. She's the secretary of state.""No idea," another old man replied. "Oh wait a minute! I know who you mean. Norman Lamont! I thought those eyebrows looked familiar,""No you daft git, he's a bloke!""That vicar looks like a lass to me. Mind you, one can't tell these days,"Reverend Jones stepped up to the pulpit and placed some papers on the book stand."I haven't had a sneak-peek at this sermon," she began. "So it will be a wonderful surprise for me as well as you. I'm sure Reverend Morris has gone the extra mile, as he usually does, and written something that'll make us all think."Reverend Morris gave a proud smile as he looked up at her.Gordon gave a subtle yawn. He always dreaded this part of the service. Reverend Morris had the ability to cure insomnia with his sermons, despite Jenna's best efforts to inject a bit more fun into them,"They say the Devil makes work for idle hands," Reverend Jones said, as she began reading the sermon. "That's a phrase we're all familiar with. This morning, I woke up, and my hands were rotting in idleness. My mind had been drifting to places, sinful places all week. I wouldn't say I'm a regular user of PornHub but," she paused.A look of horror appeared on Reverend Morris' face. "That isn't my sermon," he said to himself. "Oh no,"In the pews, there were a couple of awkward coughs and raised eyebrows. At the organ, Gordon suddenly perked up. This had to be the first time ever that the word PornHub was mentioned in a sermon!"The site just wasn't doing it for me," Reverend Jones continued, "so I decided to go for a walk in the park. I can't tell you how my spirits were instantly lifted. Light was filtering through the trees. It was golden and bright. How blessed we are that God has made all this for us, I thought, and then something in the bushes caught my eye. There was no-one else around. It was then that I saw her, naked as Eve in the Garden of Eden, about to take a dip in the lake. Her sweetly, up-tilted bare breasts reflected the glorious morning aura and her rose-pink nipples were as full and hard as ripe apples,"Reverend Jones paused. "What an excellent use of adjectives. I'm sure we can just imagine this scene in our heads can't we?"Never had the congregation of St, Michael's been so engrossed by a sermon before!"Not half," someone said out loud.Poor Reverend Morris' face had flooded several shades of red. He stood up and hurried to the pulpit."Angela, that's not the sermon I wrote!" He mumbled, begging her to stop."I've started, so I'll finish," she replied. "Everyone seems to be enjoying this.""Her name was Giselle, and she loved to unburden herself and swim in the lake. Freed from her clothes, I watched her in the nude and was convinced I was seeing the embodiment of an angel. She knew I watching, and she knew I liked to watch. I knew she liked me to watch, but this morning, we decided to do more than watch.""How romantic," Mrs. Wilcox said, turning to Jenna. "Your husband has a fine turn of phrase. It's better than his usual sermons, dearie. You should encourage him to write more like this. This church will soon be packed to the rafters if he keeps this up!""Oh, thanks very much!" Jenna replied innocently. She gazed at poor Reverend Morris, who was squirming with embarrassment at the side of the pulpit. He'd mixed up his sermon with some erotic fic, did he write the fic himself or find it online? She was curious to find out."What could be more divine than seeing a beautiful woman naked in a park?" Reverend Jones continued, reading out the story without a care in the world. "Personally, I think Tom Hiddleston naked in a park would be more divine, but that's just my opinion, ""I shouldn't say such things as I'm in a church, but I wouldn't mind seeing the organist naked," Mrs. Wilcox whispered to Jenna, who did a double take. This was one of those rare occasions when even she was left speechless for a few moments!"Really Gladys! You dark horse. Didn't know you had the hots for Gordon!""Just because there's snow on the roof, doesn't mean the fire's gone out!" the old lady replied."Oh this next paragraph has been all scribbled out," Reverend Jones said. She flipped the page over."My pearly-white ejaculate looked perfect dripping off her pink-nosed puppies. I got some on my hand and remember being surprised that it was so hot. I pulled my cassock off and wiped the cum off my hand with it. I walked home that night with a huge smile on my face and love bites on my little reverend."Reverend Morris snatched the papers off the book stand. "Er, my sincere apologies everyone, I made a terrible mistake!""Such a shame, it was building up to a nice conclusion," Reverend Jones said."No, that wasn't my sermon at all. I, I have no idea how that piece of writing ended up mixed up with my church papers!""Dat some good shit right there, Vicar!" Tony the reformed drug addict said, standing up and clapping.The flustered vicar attempted to move on. "Hymn, let's all stand for the hymn! Lo, He Comes With Clouds Descending!""You know something Simon," Reverend Jones said as she headed down the pulpit steps, "you need to get yourself signed up to an adult fiction site. You have talent. I'm on A o 3 myself - under a pseudonym of course. I like writing slash fanfiction about British politicians, I can send you a link if you're interested in reading them?""Er, no thanks, Angela. I'm sure they're very good, but I prefer to avoid anything relating to politics!"To be continued in part 2.By Blacksheep, for Literotica.

Vicar's wife, Jenna, decides to give up sex for Lent!A series in 17 parts, by Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.  The Jenna series started  with ‘Jenna Goes To Church', followed shortly after with ‘Jenna, the Vicar's Wife'. It resumed recently with Jenna's New Year'; and now it continues with a Lentil 2-part story. Other episodes will follow.It was the last Sunday of Shrovetide, known as Quinquagesima. At St. Michael's Church, Reverend Morris had amassed a pile of old palm crosses, intending to burn them on Ash Wednesday."Shouldn't be long before the first members of the faithful arrive," he said to his wife Jenna, who was adjusting the flowers at the side of the pulpit."Oh before I forget, I've got something for you to burn on Ash Wednesday," she smiled, handing him a pair of her panties."This is an unusual-looking palm cross!" He replied. "I think I'd better burn this separately from the others! Is there some reason why you want your undies reduced to ash?""Well Simon, I've been thinking. And I've finally decided what I'm going to give up for Lent.""You're giving up wearing underwear?""Ha-ha. Tempting, but no. I'm giving up sex."Reverend Morris almost dropped the box full of crosses. "What? Sex? No, you can't be serious!"Jenna nodded. "I'm 100% serious, my love. Lent is supposed to be hard, and you're always going on about how part of being a good Christian is making sacrifices and so on. It's traditionally a time of fasting and abstaining from something to repent and focus our hearts and minds on the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.""Yes, but within reason, Jen! I don't expect you to suffer hardship as bad as that!""I can do it, Simon. I'm committed to seeing it through. It's only forty days.""B-but, that's six weeks!" the vicar whined, looking as if his entire world was about to end. "I, I'm not sure I can, er, go without for so long!""Now Simon, you're a man of God. You're stronger than most. I know you can do this. And just think how wonderful it will be when Easter comes, everything in calf, bursting out in spring glory, sap rising, mating seasons beginning, shoots thrusting upwards, days getting longer, ""Vicars dying of horniness, " Reverend Morris sighed."Exactly. And it won't just be you going without. The other chaps of this church will have to go without as well!""Oh my goodness, Jenna. There's going to be a lot of frustration building up in this church! When you say no sex, does that mean, ""No physical contact whatsoever, my dearest! No blowjobs, no kissing, no cock in cunt, nada! Just like social distancing."Reverend Morris' lip was trembling. "Not even a kiss?""Nope. I'll be sleeping in the spare bedroom until Easter. I can blow you a kiss. And whilst we can't do anything involving physical contact, there are other naughty ways we can get through Lent.""Like what?""Use your imagination, Simon!"He thought for a moment. "So I'll have to make do with dating Rosie Palms until Easter?""If it helps you cope, yes!"The reverend took a deep breath. "You're absolutely right, Jenna. I can get through this. I admire you so much for deciding to have a sex ban. In fact, I think I love you even more, and I didn't think that possible!""Aww. Ditto." She kissed him. "We'll make the most of Shrove Tuesday," she added, with a wink. "I'm going to do some creative things with pancakes."He slipped his arms around her. "Remember that morning after the Candlemas service, when we got soaking wet in the rain and we just ravished each other once we got back to the vicarage?""Hee hee, yes. Or that time last month during that short holiday in Lincolnshire when we stayed in that weird hotel, and the ghost gatecrashed our passion?""Bit early in the morning for that, isn't it? Then again, I'm not complaining!" A voice shouted, and they both looked round. Gordon the organist had just arrived.Moments later, Josh the curate appeared."Morning guys!" Jenna smiled. She turned back to her husband. "You'd better get your robes on. Looks like some of the congregation are here already. I'll go and hand out some hymn books."He nodded and headed off to the vestry. "Forty days," he sighed. "God, .I will really need your help through this difficult time!"And just how were some of the other male members of St. Michael's Church going to cope for forty days without any 'spiritual guidance' from the vicar's wife?Shrove Tuesday (the eve of Lent)On Shrove Tuesday, Jenna spent all afternoon mixing pancake batter. It would've been quicker to buy some ready-made pancakes from Tesco, but where was the fun in that? She looked at the kitchen wall clock."Come on Simon, you're late. How long does a meeting with the Bishop take?"Her husband had been out all day. At last, she heard his car pull up on the drive."Good. Now the fun begins."The front door opened and Reverend Morris came rushing in. "Sorry I've been so long. Bishop George kept prattling on for ages and then coming back home there's been a road accident so I had to take the long way home, oh I see you've been busy!" He noticed his wife was completely naked except for an apron."Welcome home," she smirked. "It's time to flip some pancakes. Is my randy reverend able to provide some batter?"He licked his lips. "What sort of batter would you be requiring?""Hmm, let's see. That special 'anointing oil' you used during my 21st birthday?" She whirled a frying pan in her hand and flipped a pancake. "Here's one I prepared earlier."His hands found her shoulders, and turned her to face him. His hands moved up to cup her face and Jenna felt his lips close around hers in a tender kiss. She returned it with rising passion, slipping her tongue into his mouth. As their tongues danced, Jenna quickly unfastened her apron, letting it slide down over her smooth skin to the kitchen floor.She could hear Reverend Morris unfastening his own garments, and when he embraced her tightly, she felt his bare skin press against hers with delicious warmth. Her husband's mouth left her lips, trailing down her neck to her chest. He took a nipple in his mouth and teased the erect tip. It was perhaps the upcoming sex ban enhancing his senses, but Jenna's breasts had never felt so full, and had never tasted so sweet. His hands roamed down over her arse, savoring her curves.Reverend Morris moved back up her body, his lips playing over her breasts, then back up her neck. Jenna's hands slid down his chest and at last reached their goal. She gripped his throbbing member, took a few steps backward, pulling gently but firmly, and he promptly followed her. She felt the edge of the kitchen countertop meet her lower back, and she swiftly heaved herself on to the cool granite surface and lay back, spreading her legs.Reverend Morris had a sudden urge to taste his wife; his tongue met with her soft skin just above her clit, then down into her folds, tasting, discovering and exploring all that she had to offer. He began to suck and lick her clit. How he loved to worship at this altar.Jenna reached for the bowl of pancake batter. A wooden spoon was sticking out of the bowl. Without hesitation, she began spooning the batter down her breasts."It tastes alright," she murmured, placing a blob of batter on her husband's nose. "But it needs an extra ingredient, ""Umm, I think I can help you there.""Fuck me religiously, darling." Jenna said hoarsely.A pair of strong, silky legs wrapped around the vicar's arse. He lowered himself onto her and felt those glorious batter-coated breasts rub against his chest as he began thrusting into her. He tried to set a steady, leisurely pace to begin, but the legs around him urged him on faster and harder. Reverend Morris responded with enthusiasm, and within moments he was pounding into his wife with all his strength, mindful that after tonight he wouldn't be able to do this for six weeks."Yes, yes, oh my God yes, I've never felt anything like it!" Jenna moaned."Bloody hell, I'm coming, oh Jenna!" Reverend Morris yelled as his stream of hot cum filled up her cunt and flowed back out onto the kitchen countertop.Jenna lay back on the countertop, eyes closed. It was several minutes before her breathing had calmed enough for her to speak."Did I provide enough batter?" Reverend Morris asked."Your holy offering was more than generous!""Forty days without from this moment on. You've still time to change your mind.""I'm sticking to it, Simon. We'll get through Lent. We'll have to think up some creative contactless ways to get our rocks off."The smell of burning interrupted them. They both glanced at the stove. To Jenna's dismay, the pancake she'd been cooking had been virtually cremated in the frying pan."Oh dear," she said, gazing at the remains of the pancake, which now resembled a lump of coal."Now that's what I call a perfect burnt offering for Ash Wednesday!" Reverend Morris replied.The Organist is Entertained.Gordon Leesmith always looked forward to Thursday evening arriving. This was when he had organ practice at church, and for the past few months he'd been teaching Jenna to play the organ. These lessons were really just an excuse for a passionate romp with the stunning vicar's wife, who was always more than willing to get her hands on the organ in his trousers, rather than the church one.Gordon hummed to himself as he brewed himself a cup of tea. He checked the time. It was only just after midday. Six hours to go. He was impatient and horny, but in a very happy mood. He'd just returned from seeing his Primary Care physician. That in itself something of a miracle in modern Britain; and received good news. His benign prostate enlargement wasn't as bad as he'd feared. Despite being a bit overweight, the doctor had given him a clean bill of health. His blood pressure was low, and so was his cholesterol.Today was his birthday. He was fifty six. A year ago, Gordon had been a miserable, short-tempered man who didn't endear himself to anyone else in the church. Long-divorced, impotent and frustrated with being alone for so long, his life had turned upside down when a young woman by the name of Jenna Fox had started attending St. Michael's Church. A few months later, she'd turned her attentions to flirting with him. Never in a million years did Gordon think he'd end up getting his cock sucked by a stunning redhead whilst he sat on the organ stool.As Gordon sipped his tea, his phone vibrated."Oh, an email from Jenna," he smiled, checking the message.Happy Birthday Gordon! About tonight. I'm afraid I can't make tonight's organ practice. I won't be able to until Easter arrives. Thing is, I've chosen to give up sex for Lent. I know you won't to hear this and it's going to be so hard for me to stick to this, but you've got to test yourself and set a challenge, right? It's what being a Christian is all about. I truly hope you'll understand. But - that doesn't mean we can't still have some fun! Make sure you visit the church - I've left a birthday present for you on the organ stool, trust me, it'll see you through this hard time. And when Easter comes, Jesus won't be the only person that rises, wink wink. It'll be worth the wait, keep your organ pipe warm for me.Love Jenna. xxx"She's abstaining from sex?" Gordon almost dropped his cup of tea. "Wait, what? Oh no! This is a nightmare! I won't be able to have a fuck for six weeks? Bloody hell! I'll go round the bend, I can't even call on Yulia's mate Martika anymore. Damn it, why did she have to bugger off back to Ukraine?"He wasn't sure whether to scream or burst into tears, but after he overcame the initial shock, he took a deep breath and composed himself.

Vicar's wife, Jenna, decides to give up sex for Lent!A series in 17 parts, by Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.  The Jenna series started  with ‘Jenna Goes To Church', followed shortly after with ‘Jenna, the Vicar's Wife'. It resumed recently with Jenna's New Year'; and now it continues with a Lentil 2-part story. Other episodes will follow.It was the last Sunday of Shrovetide, known as Quinquagesima. At St. Michael's Church, Reverend Morris had amassed a pile of old palm crosses, intending to burn them on Ash Wednesday."Shouldn't be long before the first members of the faithful arrive," he said to his wife Jenna, who was adjusting the flowers at the side of the pulpit."Oh before I forget, I've got something for you to burn on Ash Wednesday," she smiled, handing him a pair of her panties."This is an unusual-looking palm cross!" He replied. "I think I'd better burn this separately from the others! Is there some reason why you want your undies reduced to ash?""Well Simon, I've been thinking. And I've finally decided what I'm going to give up for Lent.""You're giving up wearing underwear?""Ha-ha. Tempting, but no. I'm giving up sex."Reverend Morris almost dropped the box full of crosses. "What? Sex? No, you can't be serious!"Jenna nodded. "I'm 100% serious, my love. Lent is supposed to be hard, and you're always going on about how part of being a good Christian is making sacrifices and so on. It's traditionally a time of fasting and abstaining from something to repent and focus our hearts and minds on the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.""Yes, but within reason, Jen! I don't expect you to suffer hardship as bad as that!""I can do it, Simon. I'm committed to seeing it through. It's only forty days.""B-but, that's six weeks!" the vicar whined, looking as if his entire world was about to end. "I, I'm not sure I can, er, go without for so long!""Now Simon, you're a man of God. You're stronger than most. I know you can do this. And just think how wonderful it will be when Easter comes, everything in calf, bursting out in spring glory, sap rising, mating seasons beginning, shoots thrusting upwards, days getting longer, ""Vicars dying of horniness, " Reverend Morris sighed."Exactly. And it won't just be you going without. The other chaps of this church will have to go without as well!""Oh my goodness, Jenna. There's going to be a lot of frustration building up in this church! When you say no sex, does that mean, ""No physical contact whatsoever, my dearest! No blowjobs, no kissing, no cock in cunt, nada! Just like social distancing."Reverend Morris' lip was trembling. "Not even a kiss?""Nope. I'll be sleeping in the spare bedroom until Easter. I can blow you a kiss. And whilst we can't do anything involving physical contact, there are other naughty ways we can get through Lent.""Like what?""Use your imagination, Simon!"He thought for a moment. "So I'll have to make do with dating Rosie Palms until Easter?""If it helps you cope, yes!"The reverend took a deep breath. "You're absolutely right, Jenna. I can get through this. I admire you so much for deciding to have a sex ban. In fact, I think I love you even more, and I didn't think that possible!""Aww. Ditto." She kissed him. "We'll make the most of Shrove Tuesday," she added, with a wink. "I'm going to do some creative things with pancakes."He slipped his arms around her. "Remember that morning after the Candlemas service, when we got soaking wet in the rain and we just ravished each other once we got back to the vicarage?""Hee hee, yes. Or that time last month during that short holiday in Lincolnshire when we stayed in that weird hotel, and the ghost gatecrashed our passion?""Bit early in the morning for that, isn't it? Then again, I'm not complaining!" A voice shouted, and they both looked round. Gordon the organist had just arrived.Moments later, Josh the curate appeared."Morning guys!" Jenna smiled. She turned back to her husband. "You'd better get your robes on. Looks like some of the congregation are here already. I'll go and hand out some hymn books."He nodded and headed off to the vestry. "Forty days," he sighed. "God, .I will really need your help through this difficult time!"And just how were some of the other male members of St. Michael's Church going to cope for forty days without any 'spiritual guidance' from the vicar's wife?Shrove Tuesday (the eve of Lent)On Shrove Tuesday, Jenna spent all afternoon mixing pancake batter. It would've been quicker to buy some ready-made pancakes from Tesco, but where was the fun in that? She looked at the kitchen wall clock."Come on Simon, you're late. How long does a meeting with the Bishop take?"Her husband had been out all day. At last, she heard his car pull up on the drive."Good. Now the fun begins."The front door opened and Reverend Morris came rushing in. "Sorry I've been so long. Bishop George kept prattling on for ages and then coming back home there's been a road accident so I had to take the long way home, oh I see you've been busy!" He noticed his wife was completely naked except for an apron."Welcome home," she smirked. "It's time to flip some pancakes. Is my randy reverend able to provide some batter?"He licked his lips. "What sort of batter would you be requiring?""Hmm, let's see. That special 'anointing oil' you used during my 21st birthday?" She whirled a frying pan in her hand and flipped a pancake. "Here's one I prepared earlier."His hands found her shoulders, and turned her to face him. His hands moved up to cup her face and Jenna felt his lips close around hers in a tender kiss. She returned it with rising passion, slipping her tongue into his mouth. As their tongues danced, Jenna quickly unfastened her apron, letting it slide down over her smooth skin to the kitchen floor.She could hear Reverend Morris unfastening his own garments, and when he embraced her tightly, she felt his bare skin press against hers with delicious warmth. Her husband's mouth left her lips, trailing down her neck to her chest. He took a nipple in his mouth and teased the erect tip. It was perhaps the upcoming sex ban enhancing his senses, but Jenna's breasts had never felt so full, and had never tasted so sweet. His hands roamed down over her arse, savoring her curves.Reverend Morris moved back up her body, his lips playing over her breasts, then back up her neck. Jenna's hands slid down his chest and at last reached their goal. She gripped his throbbing member, took a few steps backward, pulling gently but firmly, and he promptly followed her. She felt the edge of the kitchen countertop meet her lower back, and she swiftly heaved herself on to the cool granite surface and lay back, spreading her legs.Reverend Morris had a sudden urge to taste his wife; his tongue met with her soft skin just above her clit, then down into her folds, tasting, discovering and exploring all that she had to offer. He began to suck and lick her clit. How he loved to worship at this altar.Jenna reached for the bowl of pancake batter. A wooden spoon was sticking out of the bowl. Without hesitation, she began spooning the batter down her breasts."It tastes alright," she murmured, placing a blob of batter on her husband's nose. "But it needs an extra ingredient, ""Umm, I think I can help you there.""Fuck me religiously, darling." Jenna said hoarsely.A pair of strong, silky legs wrapped around the vicar's arse. He lowered himself onto her and felt those glorious batter-coated breasts rub against his chest as he began thrusting into her. He tried to set a steady, leisurely pace to begin, but the legs around him urged him on faster and harder. Reverend Morris responded with enthusiasm, and within moments he was pounding into his wife with all his strength, mindful that after tonight he wouldn't be able to do this for six weeks."Yes, yes, oh my God yes, I've never felt anything like it!" Jenna moaned."Bloody hell, I'm coming, oh Jenna!" Reverend Morris yelled as his stream of hot cum filled up her cunt and flowed back out onto the kitchen countertop.Jenna lay back on the countertop, eyes closed. It was several minutes before her breathing had calmed enough for her to speak."Did I provide enough batter?" Reverend Morris asked."Your holy offering was more than generous!""Forty days without from this moment on. You've still time to change your mind.""I'm sticking to it, Simon. We'll get through Lent. We'll have to think up some creative contactless ways to get our rocks off."The smell of burning interrupted them. They both glanced at the stove. To Jenna's dismay, the pancake she'd been cooking had been virtually cremated in the frying pan."Oh dear," she said, gazing at the remains of the pancake, which now resembled a lump of coal."Now that's what I call a perfect burnt offering for Ash Wednesday!" Reverend Morris replied.The Organist is Entertained.Gordon Leesmith always looked forward to Thursday evening arriving. This was when he had organ practice at church, and for the past few months he'd been teaching Jenna to play the organ. These lessons were really just an excuse for a passionate romp with the stunning vicar's wife, who was always more than willing to get her hands on the organ in his trousers, rather than the church one.Gordon hummed to himself as he brewed himself a cup of tea. He checked the time. It was only just after midday. Six hours to go. He was impatient and horny, but in a very happy mood. He'd just returned from seeing his Primary Care physician. That in itself something of a miracle in modern Britain; and received good news. His benign prostate enlargement wasn't as bad as he'd feared. Despite being a bit overweight, the doctor had given him a clean bill of health. His blood pressure was low, and so was his cholesterol.Today was his birthday. He was fifty six. A year ago, Gordon had been a miserable, short-tempered man who didn't endear himself to anyone else in the church. Long-divorced, impotent and frustrated with being alone for so long, his life had turned upside down when a young woman by the name of Jenna Fox had started attending St. Michael's Church. A few months later, she'd turned her attentions to flirting with him. Never in a million years did Gordon think he'd end up getting his cock sucked by a stunning redhead whilst he sat on the organ stool.As Gordon sipped his tea, his phone vibrated."Oh, an email from Jenna," he smiled, checking the message.Happy Birthday Gordon! About tonight. I'm afraid I can't make tonight's organ practice. I won't be able to until Easter arrives. Thing is, I've chosen to give up sex for Lent. I know you won't to hear this and it's going to be so hard for me to stick to this, but you've got to test yourself and set a challenge, right? It's what being a Christian is all about. I truly hope you'll understand. But - that doesn't mean we can't still have some fun! Make sure you visit the church - I've left a birthday present for you on the organ stool, trust me, it'll see you through this hard time. And when Easter comes, Jesus won't be the only person that rises, wink wink. It'll be worth the wait, keep your organ pipe warm for me.Love Jenna. xxx"She's abstaining from sex?" Gordon almost dropped his cup of tea. "Wait, what? Oh no! This is a nightmare! I won't be able to have a fuck for six weeks? Bloody hell! I'll go round the bend, I can't even call on Yulia's mate Martika anymore. Damn it, why did she have to bugger off back to Ukraine?"He wasn't sure whether to scream or burst into tears, but after he overcame the initial shock, he took a deep breath and composed himself.

This week's History Lesson takes us back to a crazy game of "football" where murder is against the rules!

Paul Hawksbee and Charlie Baker are joined in the studio by Liverpool supporting comedian Tommy Tiernan. Plus, comedian Josh Pugh joins the show live from the Atherstone Ball Game. And the guys pay tribute to the late great Andy Smart by remembering his best bits from his favourite sporting event of the year, the Shrovetide football match! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this week's episode, Martin and Eleanor wade through the ancient mysteries of Lincolnshire.After a brief chat about Shrovetide and some associated lunacy, such as 'Old Football' and 'Dappy Door Night,' they clamber into their ancient boat and paddle through history and folklore of Lincolnshire.They talk about ancient relics like the Corieltauvi Bull Rider and the Witham Shield, monuments including Lincoln Castle, Lincoln Cathedral, and Crowland Abbey, folklore surrounding the Stainfield Woodwose, the river god "Old Muddyface," a Selkie called Jenny Hurn, and much more besides. Then it's time for the main event: Martin's telling of "The Tiddy Mun of Ancholme Vale."The Three Ravens is an English Myth and Folklore podcast hosted by award-winning writers Martin Vaux and Eleanor Conlon.Released on Mondays, each weekly episode focuses on one of England's 39 historic counties, exploring the history, folklore and traditions of the area, from ghosts and mermaids to mythical monsters, half-forgotten heroes, bloody legends, and much, much more. Then, and most importantly, the pair take turns to tell a new version of an ancient story from that county - all before discussing what that tale might mean, where it might have come from, and the truths it reveals about England's hidden past...With Bonus Episodes released on Thursdays (Magic and Medicines about folk remedies and arcane spells, Three Ravens Bestiary about cryptids and mythical creatures, Dying Arts about endangered heritage crafts, and Something Wicked about folkloric true crime from across history) plus a range of exclusive content on Patreon, audio ghost tours, the Three Ravens Newsletter, and monthly Three Ravens Film Club episodes about folk horror films from across the decades, why not join us around the campfire and listen in?Learn more at www.threeravenspodcast.com, join our Patreon at www.patreon.com/threeravenspodcast, and find links to our social media channels here: https://linktr.ee/threeravenspodcast Get bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

 - Tại nhiều nơi trên khắp Cộng hoà Czech hôm qua đã diễn ra Lễ hội hoá trang Shrovetide nhằm tiễn biệt mùa Đông. Đây là một trong những lễ hội truyền thống vui tươi nhất và rất được mong chờ tại Czech vì mang hơi ấm mùa xuân gõ cửa. Chủ đề : lễ hội, mùa đông --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/vov1tintuc/support

This week we're taking heed of our love for sport and taking a look at various ancient contests through the ages. From the incredibly popular (and dangerous) chariot races in ancient Rome, to the medieval origins of Shrovetide football via the history of the 'running of the bulls' and its most famous incarnation in Pamplona. We're now halfway through our first series which will contain 12 episodes that we'll be releasing weekly. If there's an episode you'd like to hear, please let us know! And thank you so much for your support for the podcast since our launch a few weeks ago. If you like it, why not drop us a review in your podcast app of choice? (Thus taking heed of our increasingly desperate pleas for reviews). If you'd like to get in touch with the show (perhaps to tell us when was the worst period in history or if we've INEVITABLY got something wrong) you can email us at: hello@ohwhatatime.com We're also on Twitter and Instagram @ohwhatatimepod Thank you to Dan Evans for the artwork (idrawforfood.co.uk). And thank you for listening!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

“Hope Without Wavering” – Join us to hear Rev. Brett Isernhagen explore the traditions of Lent, Shrove Tuesday, Shrovetide, and Ash Wednesday. How do Christians approach the ideas of repentance and confession, and their connection to God's love and eternal life?  Hebrews 10:19-25

Mardi Gras! Fat Tuesday! Shrovetide! Pancake Tuesday! Carnival! Malassada Tuesday! Entrudo! Of course there are an excess of names for a celebration of *excess*. We've got the hilarious deets on the not-so-conventional ways that different countries celebrate this day. Carnival Traditions in Portugal The Weird Historic Traditions Around Pancake Tuesday in Ireland Sin Cities and Saintly Sanctuaries --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/folkandfad/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/folkandfad/support

The Cru do their best attempt to imitate the American author Toni Morrison, discussing her work before reading our stories written in her style.  We also launch a new segment for you whisky lovers: The Writer's Dram.  We are drinking Glenmorangie's "The Nectar D'or," and it is quite delicious.  Stories this evening feature a visit paid to a maid (head over to the website to read this one; it wouldn't be an episode about Morrison without a wee bit of censorship); a daughter and mother, mother and daughter; a pastor at a bikini bar; an asteroid approaching earth; and a reflective father. Tonight's episode is sponsored by Speakeasy Leather.  Please do check them out!  From Brewer's Dictionary of Phrase and Fable: Shrovetide. The three days just before the beginning of LENT, when people went to confession and afterwards indulged in all sorts of sports and merrymaking. Stories begin around the 24:45 mark.

Charlie, Dan, Maggsy and the (self-proclaimed) King of East Prawle, John Tucker, talk through British traditional mob football games, and in particular the old, riotous and excellent, Royal Shrovetide Football, which occurs annually in Ashbourne, Derbyshire.

I went to see some family in the Derbyshire town of Ashbourne UK last month and quickly became fascinated with the upcoming Shrovetide football game (nothing like normal football) that takes over the entire town for two days and has done for the past 900 years ⚽ Only in England could you find such a bizarre and mad tradition and in this episode, I'll be diving into the in's and out's of this fascinating game with passionate and dedicated Shrovetide player Dan 'Froggy' Carter, we'll also cover the 2022 game in detail, the highlights and most importantly who is the current Shrovetide champion the upwards or the downwards?!

Morning Prayer for QuinquagesimaPsalm 146Isaiah 35:3-101 Corinthians 13Luke 18:31-43Prayer of the DayO Lord, we beseech Thee, mercifully hear our prayers, and, having set us free from the bonds of sin, defend us from all evil; through Thy Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with Thee and the Holy Spirit, one God, world without end. Amen.Music provided by Blue Dot Sessions - "Two in the Back", "Vulcan Street"

In today's episode, Mother Miriam heralds the beginning of Shrovetide, a period of preparation before Lent, that began this past Sunday, a day called "Septuagesima."To help keep this and other programs on the air, please donate: https://give.lifesitenews.com/sustainlife?utm_source=mml_021722You can tune in daily at 10 am EST/7 am PST on our Facebook Page: http://FB.com/mothermiriamliveSubscribe to Mother Miriam Live at: http://bit.ly/submml See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Morning Prayer for SexagesimaPsalm 95Isaiah 55:10-13Psalm 842 Corinthians 11:19-12:9Luke 8:4-15Prayer of the DayO Lord God, who sees that we put not our trust in any thing that we do; Mercifully grant that by thy power we may be defended against all adversity; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.Music provided by Blue Dot Sessions - "Two in the Back", "Vulcan Street"

Many of us have holiday traditions: we trim trees, spin dreidels, trick-or-treat, set off fireworks, and host parties. People had holiday traditions in Shakespeare's time too: they crossdressed, roleplayed, acted in amateur theatricals, fought, ate pancakes, and watched cockfights. If you're thinking some of those holiday traditions sound familiar from Shakespeare's plays… well, you're right. Dr. Erika T. Lin studies holidays in early modern England. Some of them, like Christmas and Easter, are still big dates on today's calendars, while others, like Martlemas, Shrovetide, Midsummer, or The May, are less familiar. Lin talks with Barbara Bogaev about how people celebrated and how they might have felt about Shakespeare's plays in a period when the line between holiday festivity and theater wasn't quite so clear. Dr. Erika T. Lin is an Associate Professor of Theatre and Performance at CUNY Graduate Center in New York. You can find her writing on Elizabethan festivals and holidays in a couple of places. Her article “Popular Festivity and the Early Modern Stage: The Case of George a Greene,” appeared in Theatre Journal in 2009. Her chapter entitled “Festivity” appeared in the 2013 book Early Modern Theatricality, edited by Henry S. Turner and published by Oxford University Press. From the Shakespeare Unlimited podcast. Published November 23, 2021. © Folger Shakespeare Library. All rights reserved. This podcast episode, “Revels, Dances, Masques, and Merry Hours,” was produced by Richard Paul. Garland Scott is the associate producer. It was edited by Gail Kern Paster. Ben Lauer is the web producer. Leonor Fernandez edits a transcript of every episode, available at folger.edu. We had technical help from Andrew Feliciano and Evan Marquart at Voice Trax West in Studio City, California, and Josh Wilcox at Brooklyn Podcasting Studio.

If there are any days in the year on which most men lead an idle, or rather an unchristian and sinful life, it is on these days of Shrovetide.—that is to say, the time that immediately precedes the Lenten fast; a time that, according to the vicious custom of the world, is supposed to begin almost on Christmas day, as far as revelry and dissipation are concerned.

Petrushka, Igor Stavinksy's second ballet, is a tragic tale of a living puppet who is treated like a mere toy and brought to the point of madness. Ironically, such a sad tale brought Stravinsky a great deal of success, especially after the triumph that was his previous ballet The Firebird. However, there's more you do not know, hidden behind the curtain. Theme music is by Daryl Banner: https://darylbanner.bandcamp.com/ Become a member of The Composer Chronicles on Patreon to get ad-free versions of all the episodes, early access to those ad-free versions, access to the member-only podcast Unscripted, and other things podcast related! https://www.patreon.com/thecomposerchronicles Join me and an incredible, growing community living healthier lifestyles in a body positive space with Roy Belzer Fitness: https://roybelzerfitness.com/signup and use offer code chronpodcast at checkout! Alexandrian Media Teespring: https://teespring.com/stores/alexandrianmedia Music used in this episode: The Forest Grand by Trevor Kowalski Sub Twin by Jay Varton Siljan by Rannar Sillard Perhaps It's Meant to Be by Trevor Kowalski Looking for Cheese by Jerry Lacey Elm Lake by Elm Lake Concerto for Trumpet and Flute (Melody Stem) by Cercles Nouvelles Cinema Neon by Trevor Kowalski Sources used for this episode: Charles M. Joseph, Stravinsky's Ballets (New Haven: Yale University Press, 2011). Igor Stravinsky, Petrushka (Berlin: Editions Russes de Musique, 1912). --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/thecomposerchronicles/message

 On this day in Tudor history, 2nd March 1545, scholar, diplomat and founder of the Bodleian Library, Sir Thomas Bodley, was born in Exeter.  Sir Thomas Bodley served as a diplomat in the reign of Queen Elizabeth I, but he is most known for his re-founding of Oxford University Library and the Bodleian Library, and all the work he did on it. Find out all about him and his library in today's talk from Claire Ridgway, founder of the Tudor Society. The Bodleian Library is world famous and you can have a virtual tour of this Oxford landmark in this video - https://youtu.be/TRscTmxMkfs Also on this day in Tudor history, 2nd March 1522, there was a Shrovetide joust with the theme of unrequited love at the court of Henry VIII. You can find out more about this joust, and whether it had anything to do with Mary Boleyn, in last year’s video - https://youtu.be/PEK-M0CLInA  You can find Claire at:https://www.theanneboleynfiles.com https://www.tudorsociety.comhttps://www.facebook.com/theanneboleynfiles/https://www.facebook.com/tudorsociety/https://twitter.com/AnneBoleynFiles https://twitter.com/thetudorsociety https://www.instagram.com/tudor.society/ https://www.instagram.com/anneboleynfiles/ 

Max and Charlie are joined in the studio by DJ Trevor Nelson as well as comedians Chris McCausland and Rob Rouse - the latter of which was briefly gatecrashed by celebrity chef Ainsley Harriot. Andy Smart was also live on the programme from the Shrovetide football game in Ashbourne. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

151. Semla - The Shrovetide BunRelated links for 151. Semla - The Shrovetide Bun: Reply to this episode on ykyz: https://ykyz.com/p/df91aed846c0aa87dcdc8f94e1e0dbeb2e489f84 ThatbeardedSwede microcast: https://ykyz.com/c/microcast?&username=thatbeardedswede

On this day in history, 7th February 1477 or 1478, Sir Thomas More, Henry VIII's Lord Chancellor, was born in London. More had once wanted to be a monk, but ended up being one of the most well-known statesmen of the Tudor period. Unfortunately, Sir Thomas More came to a sticky end after refusing to sign the oath recognising Henry VIII as the supreme head of the church in England, and was executed in 1535 as a traitor. Find out all about More's rise to power, how he fell, and what he told his son-in-law about the king, in today's talk from Claire Ridgway, author of "On This Day in Tudor History". Also on this day in Tudor history, 7th February 1526, Henry VIII took part in the traditional Shrovetide joust at Greenwich. I tell you all about it, and also about a nasty accident that one courtier suffered at it, in last year’s video - https://youtu.be/jvtMdu75V1E  Further videos on Sir Thomas More:October 26 - Sir Thomas More is sworn in as Lord Chancellor - https://youtu.be/OkTYfRASu1I April 13- Sir Thomas More gets into trouble - https://youtu.be/p1bUl1i-rgEJune 3 - Sir Thomas More is interrogated - https://youtu.be/bd65f6g2eisJune 26 - St Thomas More the Traitor - https://youtu.be/kPmBz6T7oJI  You can see this podcast as a video at the following link:https://youtu.be/zQedjkLjjzo

How you doing #JerkOffs? This week Daniel Muggleton (@danmuggleton) is going solo answering a couple of tweets, talking Royal Shrovetide Football, his first experience in Northern Ireland and a little more Edinburgh Fringe Chat. Make sure you review and subscribe and get in touch on @TheUnionJackOff.  Daniel Muggleton: Pimpin' Ain't Easy (But I Reckon it's Easier for Straight, White Men?) on August 1-25th 4:00pm at The Counting House, Edinburgh.  https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/daniel-muggleton-pimpin-ain-t-easy-but-i-reckon-it-s-easier-for-straight-white-men Daniel Muggleton: Let's Never Hang Out streaming now on Amazon Prime https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/video/detail/Daniel-Muggleton-Let-s-Never-Hang-Out/B07LH5LSX2 Royal Shrovetide Football clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhKcw27Hf7I Apologies to Paddy the Dagger, it's Paddy McDonnell not McDonnell like I kept saying. 

Paul is joined by Luke Moore in Andy's absence. The pair get a live updates from one of the more obscure sporting spectacles - Shrovetide Tuesday Football - with Andy Smart. H&J Book Club is back with Donald McRae and his book 'Dark Trade'... For information regarding your data privacy, visit acast.com/privacy

La Jolla Symphony & Chorus begins their 64th season with questions about lineage: Where do we come from? How does the music of our past inform our understanding of the future? "Lineage," a piece by young Canadian composer Zosha de Castri, recalls how her grandmother's tales shaped her own sense of being Canadian. Igor Stravinsky's Petrushka was inspired by his memories of Russian Shrovetide fairs, in all their color and excitement. Finally, everything on the planet began with water, and in celebration, Music Director Steven Schick gives up his baton to solo in Tan Duns "Concerto for Water Percussion and Orchestra," with Michael Gerdes conducting. Series: "La Jolla Symphony & Chorus" [Arts and Music] [Show ID: 34002]

La Jolla Symphony & Chorus begins their 64th season with questions about lineage: Where do we come from? How does the music of our past inform our understanding of the future? "Lineage," a piece by young Canadian composer Zosha de Castri, recalls how her grandmother's tales shaped her own sense of being Canadian. Igor Stravinsky's Petrushka was inspired by his memories of Russian Shrovetide fairs, in all their color and excitement. Finally, everything on the planet began with water, and in celebration, Music Director Steven Schick gives up his baton to solo in Tan Duns "Concerto for Water Percussion and Orchestra," with Michael Gerdes conducting. Series: "La Jolla Symphony & Chorus" [Arts and Music] [Show ID: 34002]

The people of Merrymount—unsanctified in the eyes of their Puritan neighbors, for were they not Episcopals, who had pancakes at Shrovetide and wassail at Christmas?—were dancing about their May-pole one summer evening, for they tried to make it May throughout the year. Some were masked like animals, and all were tricked with flowers and ribbons. Within their circle, sharing in song and jest, were the lord and lady of the revels, and an English clergyman waiting to join the pair in wedlock. Life, they sang, should be all jollity: away with care and duty; leave wisdom to the weak and old, and sanctity for fools. Watching the sport from a neighboring wood stood a band of frowning Puritans, and as the sun set they stalked forth and broke through the circle.

Keywords: Shrovetide, Shrove Tuesday, Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, Lent, Ash Wednesday, Ashbourne, England, Medieval Football, Soccer, Hug Ball, Mob Football, Hugball, Henmore Brook, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, Tom Boulton Lear, Tom Boulton-Lear, Plasters --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/footylosopher/message

Betrothal and marriage are among the most central and important rites of passage in any community, and in Irish tradition one was not seen as an adult (regardless of one's age) until they were married. In this month's edition of Blúiríní Béaloidis, hosts Claire Doohan and Jonny Dillon turn their attention to ideas around love, magic and marriage as represented in Irish tradition: from Shrovetide harassment of singletons to Lenten prohibitions on matrimony, and from divinatory pancake tossing to hard-bargained dowries, join us as we consider those matters of the heart that are never far from the mind.

Sarah Mulkerrins takes part in a 1000 year-old sporting tradition in our global look at the week in sport which includes... Shrovetide Football While many Christians around the mark the beginning of Lent with Pancakes, the residents of Ashbourne in Derby engage in one of football’s strangest contests. The ‘pitch’ is three miles long, with hundreds of players on each side. The Jump - A step too far? World, European and World Cup Gold winning skeleton racer Kristan Bromley shares his thoughts on the UK's celebrity reality TV show. Super Stud Valentine's day isn't just a key date for humans to woo and impress potential partners. It's also a key time of year for Horses as the breeding season gets underway in the Northern Hemisphere. A Marathon Legacy We remember John Disley the co-founder of the London Marathon – a man whose work transformed Marathon running in the UK from a pastime for back-roads and country lanes to a shop-window for the nation’s capital. Disley and co-founder, Chris Brasher, created the modern Marathon experience with their model now copied the world over. World’s Oldest Powerlifter Svend Steengaard, the world’s oldest licensed powerlifter, is 93. Even a heart-attack didn’t end his 17 year career. We hear why it was so important he had to return to competition and why now, fit again, he feels as though a weight has been lifted. Fitbit Baby We speak to a proud father-to-be after his wife's fitness tracker gave the first indications of her pregnancy. From Second Row to Centre Stage After a year out injured Leeds' Jamie Jones Buchanan tells Sportshour how he’ll use his part in an upcoming play to help him when he makes his Rugby league return.

The Ether Game Brain Trust asks, can you name this Shrovetide tune? Here's a hint: a festive menagerie...

The Ether Game Brain Trust asks, can you name this Shrovetide tune? Here's a hint: a festive menagerie...

The word shrove is the past participle of the English verb to shrive, which means to obtain absolution for one's sins by way of confession and doing penance. During the week before Lent, sometimes called Shrovetide in English, Christians were expected to go to confession in preparation for the penitential season of turning to God. Shrove Tuesday was the last day before the beginning of Lent on Ash Wednesday, and noted in histories dating back to 1000 AD. N14/0722

Speaker: Mary Murphy The word shrove is the past participle of the English verb to shrive, which means to obtain absolution for one's sins by way of confession and doing penance. During the week before Lent, sometimes called Shrovetide in English, Christians were expected to go to confession in preparation for the penitential season of turning to God. Shrove Tuesday was the last day before the beginning of Lent on Ash Wednesday, and noted in histories dating back to 1000 AD. © 2021-2022 Racontour Productions. This clip forms part of the Celtic Calendar audio archive from Racontour Productions. Feel free to share if enjoyed, but with a credit or a social media tag to Racontour Productions please. SPOTIFY: This platform has allowed us to be creative in ensuring you can access it on your smart phone with ease. Below are the Spotify options: - Celtic Calendar playlist - no music, just audio of all four festivals. Samhain folklore - music and lore for Samhain Imbolc folklore - music and lore for Imbolc Bealtaine folklore - music and lore for Bealtaine Lughnasa folklore - music and lore for Lughnasa #Pancake Tuesday #Shrove Tuesday #Courting #Lent N14/0722