POPULARITY
7 episodes with blimey
14 episodes with blimey
7 episodes with blimey
3 episodes with blimey
10 episodes with blimey
4 episodes with blimey
3 episodes with blimey
3 episodes with blimey
2 episodes with blimey
Blimey. That's the good news; the bad news is that it takes us 37 minutes to get to some good news this week! Still, knowledge has the potential to empower us, so we stand by reporting on these things. This week Ant is back & joins Shane dissect nine bits of news from the last week in the vegan & animal rights space.****************Enough of the Falafel is a community of people who love keeping on top of the latest news in the world of veganism & animal rights. With the Vegan Week podcast, we aim to keep listeners (& ourselves) informed & up-to-date with the latest developments that affect vegans & non-human animals; giving insight, whilst staying balanced; remaining true to our vegan ethics, whilst constantly seeking to grow & develop.Each week we look through news stories from the past 7 days in the world of veganism & animal rights.If you spot any news stories that might catch our fancy, or have an idea for a discussion topic, get in touch via enoughofthefalafel@gmail.com.To help us keep improving the show, you can head over to https://ko-fi.com/ENOUGHOFTHEFALAFEL and make a small financial contribution towards our running costs. Only if you want to and can afford it of course ;)******************This week's stories:https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/480302/trump-slaughter-line-speed-usda https://www.balkanweb.com/en/u-preken-nga-nje-virus-ngjites-72-tigra-ngordhin-ne-nje-kopsht-zoologjik-ne-veri-te-tajlandes/#gsc.tab=0 https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/479784/colorado-river-water-crisis-cattle-beef-dairy https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVJj6tujOTo/ https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0e5l7ll31yo https://plantbasednews.org/news/million-participated-record-breaking-veganuary/ https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c743d9jpw88ohttps://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cm2r6jqm042o https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2026/feb/19/why-iowa-farmers-swapped-pigs-mushrooms ****************Thanks everyone for listening; give us a rating and drop us a message to say "hi"; it'll make our day!Shane & Ant
Edward Timpson hosts this week and is joined by David Walker, Neil Solomons and Julian Bloom. citypodcast.net @citypodcast Produced by Paul Myers and Mike Leigh Engineered by Leon Gorman A Playback Media Production playbackmedia.co.uk Copyright 2025 Playback Media Ltd - playbackmedia.co.uk/copyright Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Festive Toymaker Sandra Corrs has once again appealed for help delivering toys. And there are festive rewards on offer. Your in-cockpit inbox has the details.
My thoughts are, I'm making you miserable It just doesn't mean as much I can't catch a break, I guess Chipmunk in cheekbones And missing this presence It's never escape this dismensions Or never dealing the message Or never just getting the lesson Move past it, It's kept in a box That has locks more secure than your mess is Entire apartments. From the start the argument has been, if not about this, than what? If not about us, than when? Or who? You should have been accomplished; Compliments to the chef, If you can cross this off your checklist You might have even made it To the age inside the matrix. It's just a broken down truck A whole damn box of tools You lose yourself and pretend You don't forget to use, But it's just useless Lower dosage, Pay the tip and pay the postage Post matron mortal, A whole box A whole box of chocolate Lost on your Botox Oh, but we're friends now? No. Robots in a digital world, Only programmed to carry out certain tasks, And then vanish. I dig up your past, and then replaced it with a mattress And a box of matches; Whoever does it next can have it— How they're making hatchbacks out of plastic, I can't manage, But it's fascinating. —The edit effect. Good to see I'm not the only one who noticed— turns out I am a trendsetter, trendsetter Now inaction doesn't really make the pain better But the strain of sweat and tears will make my bed wetter. Just a clip— The college kids don't know the difference It's just a temporary love because I'm friendless— The predicate of this is that the people never get it. As it happens, once I'm past it But let's have a laugh at medicine Inside my head and bring it back again, The panic So much for tall dark and handsome When it's decided that I want something Everyone does sure follow I am a trendsetter. Go back and get the song back, Jack Johnson For nine seasons I was Kevin Nealon, Ten since tent cities and intensities— Oh, there are English pubs? I only had the Irish, Blimey. Ten times limon, Rice and beans and I'm convinced I'm dying Cut my eye out Blood and ribbons, tenements and genre binders Television friends and Lipton dipping into Hot boiling water Have a monologue prepared And mother? Never talk about her. Tip the tooth fairy, bet she does her job Your wings are growing out in February Never leave the nest, dear Gotta wait till next year. These printers and prenups are dripping in women It's finally winter with little indifference To the matter at hand; You're well enough dressed But wet and soaked in raw sewage Standing in your ankle socks, You wanker. An addendum to all my ever living misses And these premium obsessions, So neglect the data that you entered, Even for a minute, introspections, Get the limit in but never medicine the mister You probably should have been there— It wasn't your decision. Encrypted sir, For heaven's sense, I love a good caricature But Heaven hasn't said a sentence since just after dinner When the strict caloric deficit set in With all the evidence collected. This is what become of the avoidance, I have to cut you out and then in the way, I guess I get rewarded but it shouldn't ever hurt this much just moving forward It really shouldn't ever hurt this much just moving forward. Apologies to Matt Damon, I am in pain And then the very subtle finger tips I will admit Could calm me down a bit I panic at the passkey woven case If all these baseless claims And waves of delusional grandeur; You can love that but never afford it How and arrow in a stray hat The fact is, I'm just a madman And a phantom And yet The cracks in the mask have been detected— An internet trend that I can pretend I hadn't mentioned to my artificial intelligence, Then again Curiosity let the cat out of the bag, But couldn't for a second bring him to have the heart to kill him. How many mistakes can I make in just this commercial break— They're breaking my heart from the land of the lost! You can beat the boss, but there's just another one You can play the game, but you can't turn it off— You get more lives than one, But I promise, you wouldn't want them It just gets harder, I walk on quantum physics Mystified by Wall Street, we all learn to die at once To become what we always wanted; Peace and nothingness, the power to see beyond screens, Out of the box where the state of the art Is the way of the world, And never the opposite. So I shared my toy With every other girl and boy Inside the World Wide Web Who wanted playing with it Guess you could say in a way I am giving, On the prejudice That all I'll ever get is just a glimpse or image With respect To turning my eyes backwards before it gets to damage any valuables. Those assholes. forgetmenots. // II. follow through. Unreleased TBA Symposium. [As Seen On TV] TBA 2025/2026 Composed by C'cxell Solïel Prod By -Ū. DBA Blü Tha Gürū Copyright © The Complex Collective 2025 The Festival Project, Inc. ™ All rights reserved. Chroma111. Copyright © The Complex Collective 2025. [The Festival Project, Inc. ™] All rights reserved. UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION OR DISTRIBUTION IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED BY LAW. INFRIGMENT IS PUNSHABLE BY FEDERAL LAW
![[ENTER THE MULTIVERSE]](https://ivyfm.s3.amazonaws.com/i320/1184481.jpg)
My thoughts are, I'm making you miserable It just doesn't mean as much I can't catch a break, I guess Chipmunk in cheekbones And missing this presence It's never escape this dismensions Or never dealing the message Or never just getting the lesson Move past it, It's kept in a box That has locks more secure than your mess is Entire apartments. From the start the argument has been, if not about this, than what? If not about us, than when? Or who? You should have been accomplished; Compliments to the chef, If you can cross this off your checklist You might have even made it To the age inside the matrix. It's just a broken down truck A whole damn box of tools You lose yourself and pretend You don't forget to use, But it's just useless Lower dosage, Pay the tip and pay the postage Post matron mortal, A whole box A whole box of chocolate Lost on your Botox Oh, but we're friends now? No. Robots in a digital world, Only programmed to carry out certain tasks, And then vanish. I dig up your past, and then replaced it with a mattress And a box of matches; Whoever does it next can have it— How they're making hatchbacks out of plastic, I can't manage, But it's fascinating. —The edit effect. Good to see I'm not the only one who noticed— turns out I am a trendsetter, trendsetter Now inaction doesn't really make the pain better But the strain of sweat and tears will make my bed wetter. Just a clip— The college kids don't know the difference It's just a temporary love because I'm friendless— The predicate of this is that the people never get it. As it happens, once I'm past it But let's have a laugh at medicine Inside my head and bring it back again, The panic So much for tall dark and handsome When it's decided that I want something Everyone does sure follow I am a trendsetter. Go back and get the song back, Jack Johnson For nine seasons I was Kevin Nealon, Ten since tent cities and intensities— Oh, there are English pubs? I only had the Irish, Blimey. Ten times limon, Rice and beans and I'm convinced I'm dying Cut my eye out Blood and ribbons, tenements and genre binders Television friends and Lipton dipping into Hot boiling water Have a monologue prepared And mother? Never talk about her. Tip the tooth fairy, bet she does her job Your wings are growing out in February Never leave the nest, dear Gotta wait till next year. These printers and prenups are dripping in women It's finally winter with little indifference To the matter at hand; You're well enough dressed But wet and soaked in raw sewage Standing in your ankle socks, You wanker. An addendum to all my ever living misses And these premium obsessions, So neglect the data that you entered, Even for a minute, introspections, Get the limit in but never medicine the mister You probably should have been there— It wasn't your decision. Encrypted sir, For heaven's sense, I love a good caricature But Heaven hasn't said a sentence since just after dinner When the strict caloric deficit set in With all the evidence collected. This is what become of the avoidance, I have to cut you out and then in the way, I guess I get rewarded but it shouldn't ever hurt this much just moving forward It really shouldn't ever hurt this much just moving forward. Apologies to Matt Damon, I am in pain And then the very subtle finger tips I will admit Could calm me down a bit I panic at the passkey woven case If all these baseless claims And waves of delusional grandeur; You can love that but never afford it How and arrow in a stray hat The fact is, I'm just a madman And a phantom And yet The cracks in the mask have been detected— An internet trend that I can pretend I hadn't mentioned to my artificial intelligence, Then again Curiosity let the cat out of the bag, But couldn't for a second bring him to have the heart to kill him. How many mistakes can I make in just this commercial break— They're breaking my heart from the land of the lost! You can beat the boss, but there's just another one You can play the game, but you can't turn it off— You get more lives than one, But I promise, you wouldn't want them It just gets harder, I walk on quantum physics Mystified by Wall Street, we all learn to die at once To become what we always wanted; Peace and nothingness, the power to see beyond screens, Out of the box where the state of the art Is the way of the world, And never the opposite. So I shared my toy With every other girl and boy Inside the World Wide Web Who wanted playing with it Guess you could say in a way I am giving, On the prejudice That all I'll ever get is just a glimpse or image With respect To turning my eyes backwards before it gets to damage any valuables. Those assholes. forgetmenots. // II. follow through. Unreleased TBA Symposium. [As Seen On TV] TBA 2025/2026 Composed by C'cxell Solïel Prod By -Ū. DBA Blü Tha Gürū Copyright © The Complex Collective 2025 The Festival Project, Inc. ™ All rights reserved. Chroma111. Copyright © The Complex Collective 2025. [The Festival Project, Inc. ™] All rights reserved. UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION OR DISTRIBUTION IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED BY LAW. INFRIGMENT IS PUNSHABLE BY FEDERAL LAW
My thoughts are, I'm making you miserable It just doesn't mean as much I can't catch a break, I guess Chipmunk in cheekbones And missing this presence It's never escape this dismensions Or never dealing the message Or never just getting the lesson Move past it, It's kept in a box That has locks more secure than your mess is Entire apartments. From the start the argument has been, if not about this, than what? If not about us, than when? Or who? You should have been accomplished; Compliments to the chef, If you can cross this off your checklist You might have even made it To the age inside the matrix. It's just a broken down truck A whole damn box of tools You lose yourself and pretend You don't forget to use, But it's just useless Lower dosage, Pay the tip and pay the postage Post matron mortal, A whole box A whole box of chocolate Lost on your Botox Oh, but we're friends now? No. Robots in a digital world, Only programmed to carry out certain tasks, And then vanish. I dig up your past, and then replaced it with a mattress And a box of matches; Whoever does it next can have it— How they're making hatchbacks out of plastic, I can't manage, But it's fascinating. —The edit effect. Good to see I'm not the only one who noticed— turns out I am a trendsetter, trendsetter Now inaction doesn't really make the pain better But the strain of sweat and tears will make my bed wetter. Just a clip— The college kids don't know the difference It's just a temporary love because I'm friendless— The predicate of this is that the people never get it. As it happens, once I'm past it But let's have a laugh at medicine Inside my head and bring it back again, The panic So much for tall dark and handsome When it's decided that I want something Everyone does sure follow I am a trendsetter. Go back and get the song back, Jack Johnson For nine seasons I was Kevin Nealon, Ten since tent cities and intensities— Oh, there are English pubs? I only had the Irish, Blimey. Ten times limon, Rice and beans and I'm convinced I'm dying Cut my eye out Blood and ribbons, tenements and genre binders Television friends and Lipton dipping into Hot boiling water Have a monologue prepared And mother? Never talk about her. Tip the tooth fairy, bet she does her job Your wings are growing out in February Never leave the nest, dear Gotta wait till next year. These printers and prenups are dripping in women It's finally winter with little indifference To the matter at hand; You're well enough dressed But wet and soaked in raw sewage Standing in your ankle socks, You wanker. An addendum to all my ever living misses And these premium obsessions, So neglect the data that you entered, Even for a minute, introspections, Get the limit in but never medicine the mister You probably should have been there— It wasn't your decision. Encrypted sir, For heaven's sense, I love a good caricature But Heaven hasn't said a sentence since just after dinner When the strict caloric deficit set in With all the evidence collected. This is what become of the avoidance, I have to cut you out and then in the way, I guess I get rewarded but it shouldn't ever hurt this much just moving forward It really shouldn't ever hurt this much just moving forward. Apologies to Matt Damon, I am in pain And then the very subtle finger tips I will admit Could calm me down a bit I panic at the passkey woven case If all these baseless claims And waves of delusional grandeur; You can love that but never afford it How and arrow in a stray hat The fact is, I'm just a madman And a phantom And yet The cracks in the mask have been detected— An internet trend that I can pretend I hadn't mentioned to my artificial intelligence, Then again Curiosity let the cat out of the bag, But couldn't for a second bring him to have the heart to kill him. How many mistakes can I make in just this commercial break— They're breaking my heart from the land of the lost! You can beat the boss, but there's just another one You can play the game, but you can't turn it off— You get more lives than one, But I promise, you wouldn't want them It just gets harder, I walk on quantum physics Mystified by Wall Street, we all learn to die at once To become what we always wanted; Peace and nothingness, the power to see beyond screens, Out of the box where the state of the art Is the way of the world, And never the opposite. So I shared my toy With every other girl and boy Inside the World Wide Web Who wanted playing with it Guess you could say in a way I am giving, On the prejudice That all I'll ever get is just a glimpse or image With respect To turning my eyes backwards before it gets to damage any valuables. Those assholes. forgetmenots. // II. follow through. Unreleased TBA Symposium. [As Seen On TV] TBA 2025/2026 Composed by C'cxell Solïel Prod By -Ū. DBA Blü Tha Gürū Copyright © The Complex Collective 2025 The Festival Project, Inc. ™ All rights reserved. Chroma111. Copyright © The Complex Collective 2025. [The Festival Project, Inc. ™] All rights reserved. UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION OR DISTRIBUTION IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED BY LAW. INFRIGMENT IS PUNSHABLE BY FEDERAL LAW
BLIMEY it's great to get a Hoagie Mouth in on a Friday morning! And then to release it shortly before the BIRDS take on the BEARS at the Linc. Will keep this part short and sweet - just listen to us NOW while you have the time. And we talk Flyers and Sixers...we do the full sportsgasm treatment.Happy Thanksgiving to Hoagie Mouth Nation!Email: hoagiemouthpod@gmail.comIG: @hoagiemouthpod
Chas. and Mouch look back over our (eventually) emphatic win over Wolves last Saturday, and weigh up the remarkable fact that we're third in the league after all our inconsistencies. Blimey! chelseapodcast.net @chelseapodcast Produced by Paul Myers and Mike Leigh A Playback Media Production playbackmedia.co.uk Copyright 2025 Playback Media Ltd - playbackmedia.co.uk/copyright Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Blimey, this week's episode of the Empire Podcast is star-studded, and then some. First, Chris Hewitt chats with Die, My Love star, Jennifer Lawrence, and director Lynne Ramsay, about unpredictability on set and receiving an email from Martin Scorsese; then, he has a crash course in Yautja from Predator: Badlands stars Dimitrius Schuster-Koloamatangi and Elle Fanning; and then Alex Godfrey pops up to have a lovely natter with the stars of new drama, Anemone, Sean Bean and Daniel Day-Lewis, returning to acting after a long hiatus. Then, Chris is joined in the podbooth by Alex, James Dyer and, dialling in (hence the odd glitch here and there), Helen O'Hara to discuss just how much they want to see a Steven Soderbergh-directed Star Wars movie, which Ghostface they could take in a fight, the week's movie news (including resurrections for The Mummy, Gremlins, and Miss Piggy), and their thoughts on Predator: Badlands, The Choral, Anemone, and Die, My Love. Enjoy!
Blimey, this week's episode of the Empire Podcast is star-studded, and then some. First, Chris Hewitt chats with Die, My Love star, Jennifer Lawrence, and director Lynne Ramsay, about unpredictability on set and receiving an email from Martin Scorsese; then, he has a crash course in Yautja from Predator: Badlands stars Dimitrius Schuster-Koloamatangi and Elle Fanning; and then Alex Godfrey pops up to have a lovely natter with the stars of new drama, Anemone, Sean Bean and Daniel Day-Lewis, returning to acting after a long hiatus. Then, Chris is joined in the podbooth by Alex, James Dyer and, dialling in (hence the odd glitch here and there), Helen O'Hara to discuss just how much they want to see a Steven Soderbergh-directed Star Wars movie, which Ghostface they could take in a fight, the week's movie news (including resurrections for The Mummy, Gremlins, and Miss Piggy), and their thoughts on Predator: Badlands, The Choral, Anemone, and Die, My Love. Enjoy!
So, guess what - according to Local Government NZ, voter turnout around the country for the local body elections has been dismal. Surprised? On Friday afternoon, 983,466 votes had been received around the country, which represented 28.49 percent of all eligible votes. That's under 30 percent. Blimey. As of Friday, our biggest city, and one with a multitude of issues apparently, had the lowest voting percentage of 21.8 percent, followed by Hamilton City with 22.98 percent and Porirua City with 25.11 percent. Council Governance and Engagement general manager Lou-Ann Ballantyne encouraged people to vote if they hadn't already. She reminded us that if you don't vote, you're letting someone else choose who represents you. Which is true. Or as Ray Chung so eloquently put it after his defeat in the Wellington mayoralty race: “This is your decision. Live with it.” But we still don't seem to care. By the end of Saturday, the overall percentage of voting around the country was 32.65 percent of eligible voters. Rural communities were much more engaged with 43.6 percent voting, provincial came in next at 38.3 percent, followed by metro results of 28.8 percent. We don't have final data yet, but the stats tell us voting turnout in Auckland is on track to be the lowest in the city's history. So, what's wrong with us? I thought most home owners cared about the increase in rates, our rubbish collections, the cost of consents, the state of speed limits on our local roads, the water prices. People always seem to have an opinion on their council and how well or how badly they're performing. Apparently we've never been more disappointed in our councils. So why don't people tick a couple of boxes, let democracy do the talking, and tell our councils what we want? Maybe it's because people complain about council but also appreciate many of the services they offer communities. They cancel each other out. The status quo is ok. Apathy rules. But there's also a lack of key challenges. Where was another strong candidate to challenge Wayne Brown, or Andrew Little? There's also a lack of candidates. Two mayors will be elected unopposed and around 200 candidates were elected by default. And then there's the lack of easily accessible information on candidates - their values, and more importantly their vision. Not everyone has the time to get to a candidate meeting. Why is it so hard to find out how a current councillor or mayor has voted on issues throughout a term? Too many people are making decisions based on terrible photos in lacklustre voting booklets. And then there's the reality that it's all just a bit boring. Candidates generally campaign on the same things - keeping rates low, reducing excessive spending, maintaining infrastructure and making their city or region an affordable place to live. It's all well-worn and hardly gripping stuff, and it's difficult to differentiate between candidates, unless they're wearing a silly hat. Which is all a terrible shame. Decisions councils make affect our lives daily in many ways. We need to change the voting system, postal voting isn't working, and attract better leadership to these thankless roles. We need to stomp out abuse and harassment, pay more - and then hopefully more smart, reasonable people will step up. Perhaps then we will get off our butts and vote. LISTEN ABOVESee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Blimey - the end of September is almost upon us. Darker nights. Colder temperatures. Crack open a drink, put your feet up and let The Void keep you warm.Music for lonely places and distant spaces.1. Quade - Beckett2. Ambidextrous - Spacemaker3. Kodomo - Concept 154. Sketch - Grunn5. Velum Break - Infinis6. Stone - Feely7. ASO - My Baby's Got It Out8. Aural Imbalance - Fifth Element9. Kid Smpl - Blistering Across10. Christain Kleine - Wedding11. Polygonia - Crystal Valley12. Koan - Sleeping Fjords pt213. Carbon Based Lifeforms - Rayleigh Scatterers14. David Cordero - Albufera15. Eratera - Seconds are the Bane of Hours16. Khotin - On Heaven17. Inhmost & Owl - Alternate Spring Sundown18. Kid Smpl - New Sculpt19. Raica - The Tripvoice20. Earth House Hold - Spaces and Times21. Aural Imbalance Sixth Sense22. Klute - There is a Point
Another win for both STFC teams, another 3 goals for the men - it is all so refreshingly predictable :) We kick-off this episode with a new friend, Corsham Captain Anna joins us.
While we were on a between-seasons recording break [now back with Season SEVEN!] we've had so many more listeners writing in, looking to be united with their perfect perfume (often for extremely specific occasions, calling for suitably specific scents). So, in this week's episode we are playing catch-up - focusing on those #listenerprescriptions & finding THE ideal fragrances for situations encompassing......Celebrating a wedding anniversary in Portugal, overcoming imposter syndrome while attending lectures at Cambridge university, existentially scenting a flipped fairytale of a frog turned into a Queen, an emotional plea for the scent of hope, & a makeup artist's client seeking a bright, floral bouquet echoing a fancy plug-in. Blimey! We recommended...For Luci Tither's Porto perfume suggestions:@clausporto Agua Clementina – shimmering citrus groves, orange sunlight, Douro river zest.@clausporto Agua Flores – white & gold petals at dawn, jasmine-laced Atlantic breezes, wild volcanic gardens.@clausporto Le Parfum – fig, watermelon & wooded mystery by the riverside. @bdkparfumsparis Nectar Oud – raspberry-leather with a sunset sparkle@kilianparis Moonlight in Heaven.For Astrid's confidence at Cambridge:@perfumerh Steam – crisp, morning-forest inspiration@diptyque L'Eau Papier – musky ink, rice-steamed pages@commesdesgarconsparfums 2 – clever ink shadows & noble woods.For Em's primordial Queen:@storaskuggan Hexensalbe – enigmatic green magic@walesperfumery Forest – mossy, mulchy mystique@kingdomscotland Portal – botanical, pine-draped Scottish wonder@vyrao Mamajuju – spiced, clay-earth grounding@lartisanparfumeur Abyssae for magical, herbaceous roseFor Katie's fragrance of hope:@maisonfranciskurkdjian Kurky – spiced optimism@olfactiveo Skin – creamy, woody solace@ellisbrooklyn Vanilla Milk – comforting, velvety, vanilla dream@mabelleorama Lunar Dust – celestial, powdery woodsFor LauraSimonMakeup client's 'Smell of Spring':@florislondon Edwardian Bouquet – green hyacinth, fresh florals, leafy light@alfredsung Sung – galbanum fresh, verdant florals & creamy vanilla
Want to know the secret to going viral online? Well, today's guest Eugene Choi has got it figured out. Eugene's a leadership coach who has achieved astounding viral success - over 8 million views on his articles + 23 million views on his short films. Blimey. We look at the key ingredients needed to create massively shared content - from leveraging your network to crafting an attention-grabbing headline + emotional story arc. Eugene shares his own viral success story + breaks down the strategies he used to achieve it, providing actionable insights you can apply to your own content creation process. Eugene's Homepage: destinyhacks.co Eugene's LinkedIn: EugeneKChoi Eugene's Instagram: EugeneKChoi Eugene's Online Community: neurohackingschool.com ==== If you'd like my help with your Business go to www.lizscully.com/endlessClients ==== And don't forget to get your reading list of the 10 essential reads for every successful biz owner - these are the books Liz recommends almost on the daily to her strategy + Mastermind clients. This isn't your usual list of biz books, these answer the challenges you've actually got coming up right now. Helpful, quick to read and very timely. Click here lizscully.com/reading to get your book list
Blimey, something amazing has come in the post! After weeks of waiting, Eli and Paul get their hands on a test pressing of the CheapShow album, which would be exciting if it wasn't for the awkward threat of Mr Postie! It's not the only thing that has come in the post either! There is a USA flavoured “Price of Shite”, or rather “Cost of Crud”, this week! The question it raises is “Can Eli continue his hot streak?” and how much will that upset Paul? It's a P.O.S packed with trivia, tat and trinkets for Eli to gush over! Finally, we return to the often forgotten “Tales from the Shop Floor” segment with an email guaranteed to upset everyone… Which includes its author, Paul and Eli and (worst of all) CheapShow listeners. It's another rollercoaster of an episode! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-444-beep-beep-me-phone-went SEE US LIVE: Oct 18th @ The Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival 2.30pm, London https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/cheapshow---live-from-cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-18th-oct-2025-tickets Watch Our 10th Birthday YouTube Live Stream! https://youtube.com/live/Z18i8M3Eqac?feature=share And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at thecheapshow@gmail.com For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ
emocleW, emocleW, emocleW to the Distraction Pieces Podcast with Scroobius Pip!This is your bonus FRIDAY REWIND episode! Today, we catch up with Goldie, originally episode 156 from 2017-06-21.Original writeup below:A proper filfy drum n' bass banger right here this week too as Pip is joined FINALLY after a long bout of scheduling and planning by the one and only, the Metalhead himself, the UK's national drum & bass treasure - Goldie! "The barbarians from within will raise their heads and rise the deities..." ...and that's one single quote from this absolutely ram packed and intense juggernaught rollercoaster of an episode, as Pip white-knuckles the railing and hold on for dear life as the whirlwind rolls through town and demolishes all in its path! The whirlwind being Goldie, that is. I'm sure you gathered that. Finding his home out in Phuket these days, the path has been rocky, full on, winding and incredible and Goldie has lived through it all - the raves, the graf days out in the Bronx, early days of techno, being a household name in what they used to call 'intelligent drum & bass' with his smash hit 'Inner City Life', a rugged divorce, heavy personal life events including the passing of his mother, and every single second underpinned by his unending appetite for his craft and music making. A fantastic and thrilling ride of an episode, which will make you want to dig out the back catalogue and reminisce over the past while waiting for his new album 'The Journey Man' to download... As Goldie put it himself; "There are no full stops in my life... At all..." Oh and wait for the American and German accents later on. Blimey.PIP'S PATREON PAGE if you're of a supporting natureDISCOGSONLINEINSTAGRAMMANY LINKSPIP TWITCH • (music stuff)PIP INSTAGRAMSPEECH DEVELOPMENT WEBSTOREPIP TWITTERPIP IMDBPOD BIBLE Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Aeron gains a new magical item as our heroes delve deeper into the horrors of The Fleshworks, a date with The Stitcher now firmly on the cards...> NEW on Patreon! Subscribe today to access the Starfinder 2E Playtest: Echoes of the Newborn, along with ad-free episodes and loads of bonus content
It brought us the iPhone–and changed the world. Now Apple is struggling to keep up with rapid advances in AI. Our correspondent assesses its future. China used to rely on Russian patronage. That power relationship has now largely been reversed (9:41). And remembering Amanda Feilding, who pioneered research on psychedelics (16:14).Listen to what matters most, from global politics and business to science and technology—Subscribe to Economist Podcasts+For more information about how to access Economist Podcasts+, please visit our FAQs page or watch our video explaining how to link your account. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
It brought us the iPhone–and changed the world. Now Apple is struggling to keep up with rapid advances in AI. Our correspondent assesses its future. China used to rely on Russian patronage. That power relationship has now largely been reversed (9:41). And remembering Amanda Feilding, who pioneered research on psychedelics (16:14).Listen to what matters most, from global politics and business to science and technology—Subscribe to Economist Podcasts+For more information about how to access Economist Podcasts+, please visit our FAQs page or watch our video explaining how to link your account.
Wake up, it's a beautiful morning!It's the spring of 1995. That most eclectic of decades, the nineties if you will, was no longer the new kid on the millennial block. Pop culture has boxed up the eighties for another day, had shaken off baggy, was in the process of returning grunge back to the US and was now striding confidently onwards with a swagger all of its own. The country was beginning to look and sound different. The political landscape was shifting towards something ‘new' and felt more relatable, and pop shared this sense of renewed optimism that, actually, anything was possible. Which, of course (you know the script by now) was perfectly represented in the eclectic tracklist of the latest, legendary compilation NOW, That's What I call Music as it reached yet another milestone with volume 30. The cover was new, the graphics were new, and the variously compiled selections represented what the nation was tuning into across TV (possibly with Chris Evans), radio (possibly with Chris Evans) or carrying home from the local music shop (possibly with, eh, no, actually).Springtime was giving us blooming boybands, blossoming Britpop, some classic returning popstars, and a VERY large slice of dancefloor tuneage. In fact, a WHOLE CD of it! Blimey, we were all mad for it, indeed!And, joining me for this poptastic 1995 episode is radio presenter, actor and massive pop tart (his words) Grant Stott.Discover how Grant, alongside Zoe Ball, really did make a big splash in 1995, hosting the BBC network Saturday morning show Fully Booked, alongside plenty of the artists on NOW30 - yes, even Jimmy Nail!Along the way, also discover which pre-NOW compilations inspired Grant's listening (there are some crackers!), how he ended up drunk with the Spice Girls (and the Krankies, but not at the same time, sadly) and laugh as two middle-aged men try and remember Eurovision facts and generally recollect a rather hazy year indeed!Expect starring roles from (amongst others) Janet Jackson, Massive Attack, Pato Banton (on several occasions) Cannon and Ball (!) and a plethora of NOW1 throwback stars.And find out which tracks on NOW30 would make it on to (shameless plug!) Grant's Vinyl Collective show every Friday at 6pm on BBC Radio Scotland. (You're welcome!) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Hello you beautiful people!We start the show with The Quiz and I have a new book. Let me know how you get on.Then Bob Baker, our self-appointed podcast barman, talks about the word Blimey, a classic British term that isn't that popular overseas.Next up we have some ideas for listener Rob Taylor on how he can raise some money for charity at Christmas. One suggestion is to try to break a world record and we take a look at some Christmas records that could be achievable.Then Bob is back with Where Are You Christmas? and it turns out Christmas is in Bracebridge, Ontario in Canada. A delightful place that has been used as a filming location for a couple of Christmas films.Check out Bob's podcast here: https://4fpodcast.buzzsprout.com/This episode's version of A Christmas Carol is Scrooge: A Christmas Carol Podcast, from Hope Media. It stars Sean Astin and a bunch of other famous voices. There are a few changes from the source material, but it's certainly worth a listen. You can check it out here: https://scroogepodcast.com/Get in touch.Email: totalchristmas@gmail.comWebsite: totalchristmaspodcast.comMerry Christmas!
Sarah Messenger hosts this week and is joined this by Edward Timpson, Lisa Rabinowitz and Miles Webber to discuss Everton and Villa plus look forward to Forest. citypodcast.net @citypodcast Produced by Paul Myers and Mike Leigh Engineered by Leon Gorman A Playback Media Production playbackmedia.co.uk Copyright 2025 Playback Media Ltd - playbackmedia.co.uk/copyright Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
'Ello guv'nors! ECW on Sci-Fi emenates from Manchester, England! Big Bob Lashley got cheeky with the other Bob, Hardcore Holly, on Smackdown and took the final Extreme Elimination Chamber from him. Blimey! The two attempt to settle up in tonight's Main Event. Kelly Kelly's wanting of a snog from CM Punk while Mike Knox feels snog deprived while Punk is already getting snogs from his definitely real off-camera girlfriend leads to yet another match between Punk and Knox. Elijah Burke subs in for Tazz on commentary and fills in the bits and bobs for Joey Styles. Follow us on Instagram @GetItAgainPodcast Got 2 (or more) words for us? Email us at GetItAgainPodcast@gmail.com
New Episode: ATAKARMA – From Punk to Funk (and Everything in Between!)Blimey, Mother—look how many people have stepped into the room today! My word, there are five of us on this episode of MyMusic with me, Graham Coath, joined by the brilliant band ATAKARMA. This is one of the liveliest episodes yet, with the full lineup joining me for laughs, stories, and a lot of love for music (and a bit of moaning about car space).
She's had the organist. Now she wants the Vicar.A Series in 17 parts, by Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Mia weakly raised her hand and switched off the shower."That was amazing, Gordy-pie. Organists really are good with their hands!""Not so bad yourself," he panted. "Wow. I enjoyed that immensely! You're quite a lass, Mia.""I'd like to see you play the organ," she said, stepping out of the shower and reaching for a towel."I need to get my breath back first!" He laughed, as Mia began playfully drying him off. "God, you're an eager little beaver aren't you?""Hee hee. Yes, but what I meant was, I'd like to see you play the church organ. I've not been inside a church for years. Jenna said that St Michael's is cool.""It's a nice church." I wonder what else she's told her? Gordon thought. "Why not come along to the Sunday service? You can see me in action there, so to speak. After the service, you can have a go on the organ if you'd like. Do you play any musical instruments?""Guitar and violin, but I've not practiced for ages.""Ah, so strings are your thing? That's good. It'd be nice to have a violinist in the choir. One of the choristers plays the trumpet. Which keeps him from singing and I'm glad of it as his voice is bloody awful."Mia sniggered. "You're funny, Gordy-pie. I really like you. Are all organists as fun as you?""Nay lass. I'm one of a kind. He pulled her close and kissed her neck and lips. He was an incredible kisser, and she was curious to know more about him."Are you married?""Long divorced," came his reply. "I'm married to the pipe organ, as they say." He wondered if Jenna had mentioned anything about their various liaisons over the past year, and was about to say something, when the bathroom door suddenly opened."Jen! Ever thought of knocking before entering?" Mia gasped, covering herself with a towel."I can't leave you alone for five minutes can I?" She turned to Gordon, who grinned sheepishly at her."Um, hello!""Funny place to have organ lessons, Gordon," Jenna said, as she watched him squirm."Gordy-pie was just showing me how good an organist is with his hands, weren't you?" Mia said, kissing him. "And you know what, he's amazing!""Oh I'm well aware of how good he is," Jenna replied, folding her arms.Sensing disapproval, Gordon attempted to explain. "It just happened. I didn't know your cousin was here," he prattled. "I put the plant pots in the yard, went into the kitchen and she was just there, wearing nothing but a towel!""You don't need to explain yourself, Gordy-pie. We've not done anything wrong," Mia said. "We're both single. Why are you so uptight, Jenna? Is it because we're in the vicarage? Is that like, a sin or something?"Jenna was in no position to claim the moral high ground. "No, no of course not. I was, just a bit surprised, that's all. It's fine. Just, try to be a bit more discreet, Mia. What if Simon had walked in?""Oh I'm sure the good reverend would approve," Gordon smiled, winking at her.The perceptive Mia noticed his gesture and wondered what he was hinting at."Jenna took a deep breath. "Okay, well I'm going to have a coffee. I'll leave you to get dressed. Do you want a drink, Gordon?""A tea would be lovely. I'm parched. Thanks!""I'll have tea as well, please." Mia added.Jenna left the bathroom."She's acting weird," Mia said. "There's something she's not telling me."Oh boy, wait until you find out, Gordon thought. Your mind will be blown."Maybe she's a bit envious!" Gordon said as he picked up his clothes, and wondered where his underpants had gone."Can I keep these, Gordy-pie?" Mia giggled, holding up his white briefs."Think they're too big for you!""I don't want to wear them. I want to keep them under my pillow and sniff them at night.""In that case, they're all yours! But I want your knickers in return!""Fair's fair!" She tossed him her pale pink cotton undies to him."Thanks!""I loved our shower time," Mia said, kissing him again. "And I loved your big cock. You're a sexy man, Gordy-pie.""Gordy-pie hopes Mia-pie can play with his organ again very soon!" the organist replied as they got dressed and headed downstairs.Jenna brought them both a cup of tea as they sat down in the lounge."Gordon, you're not going to put up with her calling you that cringey nickname are you?" she said, handing him the cup."I like it. It's cute," he said, as Mia rested her head on his shoulder."It's childish. If someone had called you that a year ago, you'd have bitten their head off. You used to have a terrible temper.""Ah well that was before I saw the light," he said, sipping his tea. "When you, showed me the way." He smiled at Jenna as she sat opposite them. "For that, you know I am forever grateful," he added."Did you become a born again Christian like Jenna, Gordy-pie?" Mia asked."I've always been a Christian," Gordon replied. "I just sin a lot, that's all. As we all do, right?" He raised an eyebrow at the vicar's wife. "But we keep praying for forgiveness every week, and luckily for us, God is the forgiving sort, eh?"The front door opened and Reverend Morris came in."Good lord, I need a large brandy!" He gasped, tossing the car keys on the table."What I have seen, can't be unseen, and what I've heard, can't be unheard!""Whatever's the matter Simon?" Jenna said, standing up."You were right, Jen. Gladys Wilcox and the churchwarden. They're, at it!""Told you so," Jenna said. "Actual sex? I'm not being ageist but can Gladys manage that at her age?""No. Regular vanilla sex would've been easier to deal with. Actually, I think gerbilling would be easier to deal with. But seeing Norman, naked in her backyard, wearing a pinny and being struck on his arse with a riding crop,”Jenna cleared her throat, trying to silence him, given that they had company." She treats him like a slave and he enjoys it!" The vicar continued, unaware there was an audience. "And there's more. She knows about the storeroom threesome, and you won't believe this, she proudly told me, that sometime during Lent, she performed oral sex on Gordon.""Ahem. Simon, shush, we've got," Jenna cringed. "Wait, what? She gave Gordon oral?"Mia's jaw dropped."Sucked him off whilst he was sat at the church organ! She'd wanted him to be her slave, but he declined. So she set her sights on Norman instead. Well we both know Gordon prefers a younger woman, right?" He turned round, and noticed Gordon sat on the settee, and Mia sat next to him."Oh, good afternoon Gordon!""I brought those plant pots you wanted," the organist meekly uttered.Later,Jenna and Reverend Morris sat on the settee watching an episode of Father Brown, although neither were really paying attention to it."I can't get that image out of my head. Gladys giving Gordon a blowjob and whipping Norman's bare buttocks. I know we've, engaged in some naughtiness, but I never imagined one of the oldest members of the church was into that sort of thing!""Good for her," Jenna replied. "Kinkiness aside, it's nice for her to have Norman as a lodger. I mean, she lives alone and in this day and age, older people can feel vulnerable. I know Gladys misses her hubby a lot.""Oh Bert. Yes. He was dead long before I came to St Michaels. Bishop George told me more about him. He was the organist before Gordon took over. Apparently he was quite a character.""I'm sure he was. And the current organist seems to be going the same way.""Jen, you seem a bit unhappy about Gordon having intercourse with your cousin today. Is that because you're protective of her or because of, well, I know how close you are to him?"Jenna sighed. "Oh Simon. I'm ashamed of myself. I actually felt jealous when I saw the two of them together. How selfish is that? After everything you did for me last year when it was my birthday, and you gladly accepted my dalliances with the other male members of the church. Can you forgive me? I wish to say a prayer of forgiveness."The vicar took his wife's hands in his. "Of course I can, my love. And I understand how you feel. You see, with Mia here, I think you've got something you've never had to deal with before.""What's that?""A rival!"Mia was eavesdropping from the staircase. A mischievous grin formed on her face as she listened."Holy shit, Jenna's had more men than Elton John's had wigs. She had the nerve to have a go at me for seducing Tom. And she's slept with Gordon too? No wonder she looked so tense. Ha! And sweet, Reverend Simon is okay with that? That's not what it teaches in the Bible, surely?"She slipped back to her bedroom."Let us pray together," Reverend Morris said."Father, I return to You with my sins before me. Nowadays, I lack compassion for my brother and sisters, my eyes are clouded with wrongdoings my heart is against. Opposing Your Words, I sinned and done evil in Your eyes. I drained myself off Your kindness and followed my worldly desires. Father, guide me as You are right in Your verdict and justified in Your judgment. Do not leave me astray as I pray for a blissful life with You and a life free of evil. In Your Mercy, I pray.Amen."-(Luke 15:18, Psalm 51:3-4)"I feel better," Jenna said, opening her eyes. She ran a finger down her husband's cheek. "Simon, let's go to bed. Mia's asleep. The guest bedroom is right at the other end of the landing. She won't hear us. Tonight I need my Vicar's touch,”"What a good idea! All this talk of Gladys Wilcox getting her hands on men's dicks, I'd quite like some hands on mine!"A Girl With FantasiesMia lay back on the bed in the darkness, her mind buzzing with the events of the day. Reaching under the pillow, she pulled out the pair of Gordon's briefs."Enjoyed you, Gordy-pie! You were a total sweetie."She sighed, pressing the crotch of the underwear against her nose and inhaling deeply, whilst fingering herself with her other hand. Gordon's undies bore a pleasant, musky, manly scent, a faint mark which she assumed was pre-cum, and a couple of wiry grey pubic hairs. Perfect. Knowing that the organist's thick cock had been snugly contained within was enough to make her climax again. She wondered if he was wanking off and sniffing her knickers."Hope he likes mine too." She wanted to see the organist again, as sex with him had been amazing, but Mia had her sights set on a bigger prize - and this one wore a clerical collar.InsomniaGordon was in bed, but having difficulty sleeping. His mind was a complete whirl. He reflected how in the past year, he'd gone from being completely sex-starved, to having more sex than he'd ever had during a whole fifteen years of marriage, and during his late teens, when he'd been a horny youth, desperate to sleep with any woman. In the Eighties, those halcyon pre-Internet days, just stumbling across a discarded porn magazine in the bushes was more valuable than gold. He remembered his time at university, when he used to spy on the nurses undressing at a nearby hospital.He chuckled as he remembered losing his virginity to his piano teacher - whilst she was giving him a tour of Blackpool Tower ballroom. He credited her with starting his interest in wanting to play organs,"Look at me now," he said out loud. "I got seduced by a woman young enough to be my daughter. Who is now the vicar's wife. I fucked a Ukrainian woman in the church. I've been fucking the vicar's wife every week in the church. I took part in a threesome with her and the vicar. I and several other men gave her a facial in the church. I got my dick sucked by an eighty-six year old pensioner too. Now I'm fucking the eighteen-year old cousin of the vicar's wife, and exchanging underwear with her."He reached for the pair of pink knickers and gave them a good sniff, stroking his cock at the same time. The crotch had dried, but earlier it had been wet and sticky with Mia's pussy juices. A heavenly scent."The world is a bloody mess right now, but I'd say my life is pretty good," he smiled. "I hope Mia wants to see me again. She's a lovely, horny little thing. I hope she comes to church this Sunday."He wanked himself off happily, before slipping into a blissful slumber. For the first time in a year, he dreamt of a woman other than Jenna.Mia's DelightMia was edging closer to an orgasm as she continued to pleasure herself. Gordon's briefs pressed against her face were having the desired effect, but oh, God, she wished she had a large dildo as well. Her sopping pussy was aching to be filled again.Hearing muffled laughter on the landing, brought her back to her senses. The sound of a bedroom door closing. More laughter.She slid off the bed and wiped her hand on her t-shirt. Tiptoeing to the door, she opened it, and listened. The inky darkness of the landing was disturbed by a light under Jenna's bedroom door.With the stealth of a cat, Mia slunk down the landing. Standing in front of the door, the sounds from within were clearer. The creak of a bedframe. The headboard bumping against the wall. The low moans of the reverend, followed by the higher pitched gasps of Jenna.She bit her lip as she listened to their carnal sounds. Squinting, she peered through the keyhole. The tiny opening barely allowed an interested voyeur to see a thing, but just briefly, she glimpsed Reverend Morris' bare backside rising and falling. Lying between her cousin's legs which, likewise entirely bare, were extended straight upwards into the air."Hosanna! Hosanna! Hosanna, in, the, Highest Heavens!" Reverend Morris yelled, to which Jenna responded by screaming in ecstasy.Mia clamped her hand against her mouth to stifle a laugh. At the same time, her pussy tingled like crazy. That the good vicar quoted Biblical phrases during sex, turned her on in a way she never expected."I am coming soon! Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown!"This quote from the Book of Revelation proved too much, and seconds later, Jenna climaxed, with a scream.Mia tried to remain silent as she too, came. With a wildly beating heart, she shuffled back to her bedroom."I want him. I want Reverend Morris to fuck me like that."Reverend Morris is seduced, but can he satisfy her?Lightning flashed, followed by a crash of thunder so powerful it rattled the kitchen windows. The storm began not with a sprinkle or drizzle but with a sudden downpour, as if clouds were hollow structures that could shatter like eggshells and spill their entire contents at once. So far, July was proving far less flaming than June."Blimey," Reverend Morris said, as the rain made him look up from his laptop. "Not a good start to Mia's first day in her new job, is it?""A bit of summer rain won't bother her," Jenna replied. "Her mind's probably fixated on Gordon.""Heh, give her some credit, Jen. She's shown initiative. I think she'll work hard and be a good cleaner for the church. She did an excellent job tidying up our kitchen.""That's true. She should be about finished in around twenty minutes. Ten hours a week isn't much. I wonder what her long-term plans are? I mean, she can't clean the church hall toilets for the rest of her life can she? And I must phone Aunt Kathleen, I keep putting it off. She'll go berserk when she finds out what's happened."Reverend Morris sipped his coffee. "Have faith in her, Jen. She's chosen this path for herself. And as my dad always says, never put off until tomorrow what can be done today. Right, I have to pop over to the church. I'll check in on Mia and see if she's okay with setting the alarm system. Don't know if she wants some lunch with us or if she has plans of her own?"Jenna picked up the phone. "She didn't say. Okay, I'm going to bite the bullet and phone Aunt Kathleen."In the church hall, Jenna had finished using the floor-polishing machine on the wooden floor. The two hours had flown by. As well as making the floor spotless after this morning's yoga class, she'd cleaned the toilets and emptied the bins. The work was boring, as the vicar had warned her, but an absolute doddle. For £12 an hour, she couldn't complain. It was the easiest cash she'd ever earned. It was far better than stacking shelves in Aldi and having to deal with abusive members of the public. The church toilets hadn't been the horror show she'd braced herself for - even the gents were reasonable. The good chaps of St Michaels had good manners and good aim it would seem!Outside, more thunder boomed. The sound of the rain. The rain. The cold merciless sound of the rain."Ugh," Mia muttered, looking out of the window. "I hate weather like this."It was typical British weather. The storm had washed all the color out of the day. The sky was as charry as burnt-out ruins. Wind-driven rain, grey as iron nails, hammered every surface, and road gutters overflowed with filthy water.Mia returned the machine to the store cupboard and locked it. She checked her phone. Nearly 1 o'clock.The sound of the main door opening made her jump."Oh Reverend Simon!""Hello Mia. Just checking to see how you're getting on. Have you finished?""Yes, I'm done. I was just going to set the alarm thingy." She noticed how wet his black shirt was."Great stuff, you're okay with setting it?""Oh no worries there.""Little tip if you're working in the hall by yourself, be sure to lock the main door. Anyone could walk in. We're lucky we don't get a lot of crime round here, but for your own safety, it's best to lock yourself in. There are lots of places someone could hide. Right, well I'm just heading into the church to sort a few things out ready for the curate's ordination on Sunday. Jenna's prepared some lunch if you're hungry, oh and be warned, she's phoning your mum.""What? Oh no! Why's she doing that?" Mia pouted."Look, don't panic, she's just letting her know that your safe and well and staying with us. You don't want your poor parents to be worrying themselves to death not knowing where you've gone do you?""Well no. But I don't want Mum turning up.""I don't think you need to worry. Your mum lives in Buxton doesn't she? That's a good fifty miles from here. I don't think she'll drive up here today. But at some point you'll have to speak to her."Mia looked down. "I like it here. I don't want to go back to my parents. Of course, I don't want to be a burden to you,”"You're no burden Mia, please don't think that. If you want to talk, why not join me in the church when you've finished locking up?" He left the hall and Mia took that as an open invitation."Oh I'll join you, Vicar, but I want to do more than talk!"A few minutes later, having successfully set the alarm, Mia dashed over to the church, trying to avoid getting soaked by the rain. The ancient oak door's handle turned stubbornly. She wondered why Reverend Morris hadn't bothered to lock himself in either, then she remembered something Jenna had said about the church "always having to be open for those in need."And Mia was in need all right.Reverend Morris was in the vestry, having just changed out of his damp shirt and into a dry one. He'd donned his regular cassock and surplice, as he always did when in the church, even though he was off duty. He inspected the row of church vestments on the clothes rail. Some items were missing. Some members of the choir weren't the tidiest, and often neglected to hang their surplices back up after the services.Mia walked down the aisle of St Michael's church, glancing round. The incessant pounding of rain on the roof seemed magnified here in this old, airy building. Then the organ pipes to the right of the altar caught her eye. The highly-polished silver colored pipes reflected what little light was shining through the stained glass windows."Impressive," she muttered, admiring the many pipes. "But where are its, keyboards? No wait, manuals. He called them manuals." She looked round, and noticed the organ console behind the pulpit."Ah!"Mia walked over to it. She ran her hand down the wooden stool. "So this is where Gordy-pie sits." Giving a little mischievous giggle, she looked round. There was no sign of Reverend Morris anywhere, so she slid herself onto the stool."Look at this thing. It's like, unreal. All these buttons and stuff It's like a flight deck." Her feet touched the organ's pedalboard. "How the hell does he remember all these? She looked closely at some of the stops. They all had weird-sounding names on them. Diapason, Mixture, Gemshorn."I wonder what these knobs do?" She switched on the small lamp above the manuals, in order to get a better look.Curiosity got the better of her and she fiddled with a couple of stops and pressed a few keys on the lower manual. Nothing happened, seeing as the organ was switched off."Hmm, must be like an electronic piano." She idly pressed down several more keys, pretending to play."Witness the great maestro Mia at work," she said out loud, putting on a fake Geordie accent to mimic presenters, Ant and Dec. "Here on Britain's Got Talent, Mia will now play some of her favorite songs for the audience. Starting with Titanium by David Guetta!" She flung her arms around, as though conducting an orchestra, and accidentally hit the red on/off button above the manuals."This is being live-streamed. Be sure to vote!" Mia slammed her fingers down hard on the middle manual. "I am Titanium!"The organ responded at once, with a deep, radiant sound that seemed to rattle the entire foundations of the church. It was so loud, the stool seemed to vibrate."Shit!!" Mia gasped as she got the shock of her life. Fearing she'd damaged the organ, she panicked and froze on the spot.In the vestry, Reverend Morris had finished re-arranging the vestments, when the booming note from the organ shattered his peace and quiet."What the," He almost jumped out of his skin. "Bloody hell, Gordon. You sure pick your moments to come and practice."When nothing but silence followed that ear-splitting note, he headed out of the vestry to investigate.Mia's fingers were trembling. "Fuck, what did I do?""Well, well. What do we have here?" Reverend Morris chuckled as he appeared beside the console."Eep! I didn't mean to, Simon. I was just, I,”"Ha, it's alright, don't panic!" He said."I caught something and it made that noise.""You managed to switch it on, that's all!" He indicated the red button."Oh, so it's not broken then?" Mia said, getting her breath back."No, of course not. It's seen a lot of heavy use. It can cope with a lot!""It looks so complicated. How does Gordon play it?""With ease, because he's had years of practice. Jenna's just learned to play it, and said how hard it was. No use asking me. I haven't a clue. I'm not musically talented it all. In fact I'll tell you something. I can't even read music.""Really?" Mia replied."I'm hopeless," the vicar continued. "Jenna's tried to introduce me to the piano, but I've got poor co-ordination. My fingers go all over the place. My attempts sounded like Les Dawson."Mia blinked. "Who?""Never mind. He's from before your time." He pressed down a couple of the organ's keys and made a feeble attempt at playing a few notes."Gordon says you have to use your whole body when playing a pipe organ." Mia said, giving him a dreamy grin."He's right, you do.""Do you have to use your whole body when preaching to the congregation, Simon?""Ah, well that depends," he said, switching off the organ and the lamp. "I definitely have to keep my mind focused. Especially during the sermon.""I can imagine. I bet you're amazing. I like your church robes.""Oh thanks! It's called a cassock and surplice. Um, why not come to the Sunday service if you're curious? You don't need to take communion if you're not comfortable.""I've been confirmed," Mia replied. "I'm okay with that.""It's the curate's ordination service on Sunday afternoon too. "That will be quite a spectacle. The Bishop will be performing the ceremony. We're expecting lots of people to attend. Afterwards there'll be a buffet in the hall. Nice social occasion. There'll be more people your own age there."Mia shrugged. "I'm not mad keen on people my own age," she said."I see. Well, Gordon will be there, so that's a reason to attend, surely?" Reverend Morris cleared his throat. "You like him a lot, don't you?""Oh yes. He is lovely. He's really sexy! But you know what? You're sexy too. I hope it's not a sin to compliment a vicar in church?"The flustered reverend's cheeks turned pink. "Oh not at all! Very kind of you to say, Mia."Yes, very sexy,” she purred, and without hesitating, stood up and kissed him on the lips."M-Mia, what are you doing?" Reverend Morris spluttered, backing away.She ignored his question and slipped her arms round his shoulders. "I am worshipping you, Reverend Simon. Like I said, I think you're really sexy,”"B-but, but, I am a married man!" He stammered.Mia breathed in the scent of his aftershave. "And? Jenna's a married woman, yet she seems to have slept with half of the men of this church. And you're like, okay with that?""Did Jenna tell you all this?" He gasped. This time, he made no attempt to free himself from her grasp."She didn't need to. I overheard.""You shouldn't eavesdrop, Mia.""Yes I know, but come on. Seriously? What kind of open marriage do you guys have? Is that church rules or something? How can you be cool with that?"Reverend Morris still made no attempt to move. "Well it's not like you think. I love Jenna so much. I just fell for her big time. She had quite effect on the men of this church when she first started attending, not just me. I was trapped in a sexless marriage at the time. I er, thought the first time we had sex, it was a wild one-off."This explanation failed to satisfy Mia. "And Gordon?""The thing with Gordon, well before Jenna came along, he was a very unhappy, angry man. She made him feel happier than he had been in years. And the choir were beyond grateful for his change in personality, let me tell you.""I see. So Jen just has this natural talent for seducing all these lonely men and cheering them up? A gift from God? In that case, what I'm doing isn't a sin then is it?"She kissed the vicar again, longer and harder."Mia, wait!" He protested. "I can't,”"Of course you can, Reverend Simon. "You've been so kind to me, letting me stay at the vicarage and getting me this job. It's time I repaid that kindness.""Yes, but, I thought you liked Gordon!""I do like Gordon. I just like you too. Don't you find me attractive, just like you find Jenna attractive?"He would've been lying if he'd said no, and his erection was already proof."Yes. You're beautiful," Reverend Morris said, running a finger down her cheek. "Such smooth skin,” Instinctively, he bent down and pressed his lips against hers."Heavenly,”Mia unbuttoned her top, and guided his hands to her small and beautiful tits for him to squeeze and play with."Give me a blessing, Reverend," Mia whispered.The vicar took her hand, led her into the vestry and quoted a passage from Numbers."May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord's face shine upon you and be gracious to you, may the Lord turn his face to you and bring you peace.""Amen," Mia said. After a brief silence, something seemed to snap in Reverend Morris, and he cast off his reluctance."Let me get your legs," he whispered, his voice quavering a bit with sexual tension.Stroking from the knee down, to start. Then Mia felt his holy hands open and slide up the back of her thighs, pushing her skirt up."Spread your legs a bit."His thumbs caressed her inner thigh, and came close, oh so close to her pussy. She wasn't wearing any underwear and he bent down to smell her sex. His thumbs tantalizingly close. Now his hands were on her arse. Seductive massage, strokes, and squeezes nearly sent Mia over the edge. She moaned."Oh yes," he breathed. "Praise the Lord,”Mia's hands roamed across his surplice, and her eagerness surprised him. "Hold on a sec," he said, removing the garment, and starting to unbutton his cassock. When it was open, his black trousers were revealed, along with a straining bulge. She squeezed his hard arse cheeks and pulled him against her. His cock throbbed. Mia unfastened his belt and unzipped his trousers. Seconds later, she pulled his boxer shorts down.He groaned when she took his hot cock into her warm hand, cupping his balls with her other. His cock was thick and of decent length, though not, she noted as big as Gordon's or Tom's. Gordon's was the biggest of the lot. Mia couldn't help be a little disappointed, though of course what one did with something was what counted, not the size.I wonder if this is why Jenna goes with all the other church guys, because Reverend Simon just isn't enough to satisfy her? She thought."Mia, I can't hold back, do you want me to bless you properly or not?""Yes Reverend Simon, I want you to purify me! I need you to fuck me!"Mia wrapped her leg around him, opening up for his cock. He rubbed the head of it on her clit. Reverend Morris was out of control now and she let him take her how he wanted. He entered her and pounded her hard on the vestry's small wooden table.Mia rode his cock and enjoyed his thrusts, but, as good as it felt, the vicar wasn't satisfying her in the way Gordon had done.How can this be? She thought, as her cousin's husband continued thrusting fast and hard into her, grunting as he did so.It must be because he's just not old enough for me, she mused. After all, he's only forty! Still, I've achieved what I wanted to do. I wanted to experience sex with a vicar, and a married one at that. And I've finally got my own back on Jenna after all these years,"Oh Mia I'm cumming!" Reverend Morris slammed into her for one last time and shot his load deep inside her."Well,” Reverend Morris said, after he'd got his breath back. "I hope you enjoyed that Mia. I certainly did, I can't believe I did that."Mia was about to say something, but at that moment, the vestry door opened and Jenna appeared.For a few moments there was nothing but stunned silence."Mia, why? Why Simon?""Now we're even, Jen," Mia said with a wink."Even?""Remember all those years ago when we were at primary school and I was in love with that older boy, Darren Grimshaw?""Er, what?""You knew how much I fancied him.""Mia, you were only ten at the time. You had a bit of an innocent crush.""Well at the time it felt like true love. And you had to muscle in and ruin it. He took you out to Burger King instead of asking me. I was so upset at the time. I vowed that one day, I'd get my own back!""Uh, yeah. I do remember you saying that, now I recall. So, this is your idea of getting your own back, is it? Seducing my husband, in his church?""Jen, you can't really complain. You've seduced half the men of this church!"Reverend Morris looked sheepishly at them both. "Look, I didn't say anything, she overheard us talking!"Jenna took a deep breath. "You're right, Mia. Guess I'm nothing but a hypocrite there. But where do we go from here?"Mia turned to Reverend Morris. "I've seen the light. And had a revelation. And the truth is, vicars just don't float my boat after all. No offence, Reverend Simon. You were really great. But, you're too young for me. Give me a gorgeous older organist any day! I've already found my perfect man and his name is Gordon!""Lucky Gordon," Jenna said at last."Jen, I want you to promise me one thing. I'll never lay a finger on your vicar again, if you'll promise not to get it on with Gordon again."Jenna's face suddenly fell. "What?"Reverend Morris nodded. "Fair's fair, Jen. And you don't need any more organ lessons - you can play the organ perfectly fine now."Jenna thought for a moment, remembering all the fun times she'd had with Gordon - they'd engaged in some fantastic sex over the past year, and at Easter, she'd got the impression his feelings were becoming stronger than just mere lust."Okay, I promise.""Make it a proper promise. We're in church, remember?""In the name of God, I promise," Jenna said."That's better.""Right, now that we've got that out of the way, how about we all go and have some lunch?" Reverend Morris said, fastening his trousers and belt. "I've worked up quite an appetite!"Jenna shook her head as she watched Mia head down the church aisle in front of them."Is she seriously going to ask Gordon to be her boyfriend? He's so much older than her.""Just like I am to you," Reverend Morris replied."Yes but it's double the age gap that we have. What if Mia wants kids ten years from now? Gordon will be in his mid-sixties! He doesn't have any kids of his own. Can you see him being a dad?""I think he'd be a great dad. You're assuming Mia will want to be a mum. Lots of women choose not to have children these days.""Guess you're right.""Isn't it great, all the people of our church and nearby churches have met someone? I've got you, Josh has hooked up with Yulia. Father Aiden has Róisín. Norman's moved in with Gladys, now there's an odd couple, but they're happy! My ex-wife Lucy married Debbie. Gordon's got your cousin, before you arrived, all these people were unhappy. I'd say your work is done, my love!"They walked down the aisle, hand in hand.Privately, however, Jenna smirked to herself."My work isn't fully done. At least I still have Bishop George, Gordon's cousin Barry, Mayor Buckingham and a few other chaps!"By Blacksheep, for Literotica.
Jenna's teenage cousin turns up at the vicarage.A Series in 17 parts, by Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. It was the second Sunday after Trinity. Over at St Michael's vicarage, the morning Eucharist had finished and Reverend Morris and his wife Jenna were discussing the upcoming events in the church calendar."Josh gets ordained next month, so that'll be a fun occasion. Big party over at his place. He's so excited for that day to come. It's been remarkable how he's come out of his shell. When he joined our church as curate a year ago, he was so nervous and shy. Now look at him." Reverend Morris said."He's a real asset to the church," Jenna replied, sipping a coffee, as she read through the church newsletter. "I like to think that I, helped build up his confidence a bit.""Oh you certainly did, I'm sure," the vicar said, oblivious to what his wife was referring to. "Now, apart from that big event, there's not much happening in July. I'm adding the study of the Book of Exodus in the services. Last year's summer study of Genesis went down a treat,”The sound of the doorbell interrupted him."I wonder who that can be?" Reverend Morris said, hurrying out of the living room. "If it's Gordon, he's early. He said he would call round at 2."He opened the front door. A slim young woman around eighteen or nineteen, stood on the doorstep. Brunette hair that was in pigtails. Huge brown eyes like Bambi. She was dressed in a low cut pink peasant top, tight cow-print shorts and ballet shoes. By her side was a suitcase and hold-all."Hello. Can I help you?" Reverend Morris said."Um," the woman began, in a nervous voice. "Mr., um, Reverend Morris. Is, Jenna in? I'm Mia, her cousin.""Oh really? Gosh, well do come in, you're very welcome! You look loaded up there, let me give you a hand." He ushered her inside and carried her luggage."Jen! You've got a visitor!"Jenna looked up and her eyes widened. "Mia?""Hello CJ," Mia said, with a sheepish grin.Reverend Morris blinked."Cousin Jenna," Jenna replied."Ah," He understood."What are you doing here? Last I heard you were at Salford uni.""It's a long story," Mia sighed, as Reverend Morris gestured for her to sit on the settee. "Um, I quit.""Oh no," Jenna said. "What happened?""Oh Jen, it was awful. I just couldn't settle into university life at all. I made a mistake choosing that Art and Design course. It wasn't for me. The lectures stressed me out, but worst of all was the bullying." She dabbed at imaginary tears in her eyes with a tissue. "Nine months and I just couldn't cope with it any longer, so I jacked it in."Jenna was about to say something, but her husband cut in."You poor thing. God, if there's one thing I hate, it's bullying. Sad that it occurs in all walks of life. A nasty part of human nature."Noticing the reverend had been completely taken in by Mia's story, Jenna cleared her throat. "What did your parents say?"There was an awkward pause."You haven't told them, have you?""Are you serious Jen? Mum will go nuclear if she finds out. I'm just not ready to deal with that, yet. She was so proud when I got in that place. Dad will be more understanding but, look, I have a favor to ask. Can I stay with you for, a bit? I used up my last bit of cash on the train fare. I'm broke and I have nowhere to stay. I can't face going back to my parents. They'll treat me like a kid. Please? I won't be any bother. I'll do housework for you, I'll,”"Of course you can stay!" Reverend Morris smiled. "Our vicarage is always available to those who need it. We have a spare bedroom." He turned to Jenna. "We had Bishop George staying with us during Lent, remember? I'm sure your cousin can't be a worse lodger than him. She looks like she's gone through a tough few months."Powerless to refuse, Jenna reluctantly agreed. Oh Simon, you sweet, naive man. You have no idea what you're letting yourself in for! She thought."Oh you mean it? I can stay? Oh; thank you so much, Reverend!""Simon. You can call me Simon!" Reverend Morris replied. "It's nice to finally get to meet you, Mia. I know you and Jenna drifted apart a bit when your parents moved, but it's so nice when relatives reunite, isn't it?" the reverend said as he went to pick up the luggage."If only everyone could be as nice as you and Jenna!" Mia gushed.Jenna pulled a face at her cousin and whispered to her. "You are so dead, cousin!""Right, well, I'll introduce you to your new room!” Simon said as he returned holding all the bags. “This way! I'll carry your stuff for you." Reverend Morris carried up the suitcase and hold-all."Your hubby is a total gent," Mia whispered to Jenna."Oh, you might be able to fool him, but you're not fooling me," Jenna replied. "As soon as he's gone out later, you are going to tell me everything."Reverend Morris led Mia upstairs and down the long landing. Mia walked right by his side looking something between an infatuated schoolgirl gazing at her crush and a timid little lamb sticking close to the shepherd. At eighteen, Mia was very aware of the effect she had on men. Her Bambi eyes, teamed with the brunette hair, gave her an innocent look that convinced boys and men alike that she couldn't possibly know what effect she was having on them. But she knew quite well, and she loved the things she could get by putting her skills to good use."Here we are," Reverend Morris said, opening the bedroom door at the end. "It's not massive, but it's got a pleasant view overlooking the garden."Mia walked in. The room was nicely decorated. Instead of the usual neutral color scheme of magnolia, the walls were painted in very pale blue, with white ceiling and a sandy colored carpet. Instead of curtains, a white window blind, as was the current trend. A single bed, chest of drawers and ladder desk and chair made up the furniture."I don't know why I painted this room blue, it always looks so cold, and it doesn't really match the carpet. No wardrobe, but there's a full chest of drawers and the bed is a divan, with two storage compartments you can put your bits and bobs in. There's a hook on the back of the door if you need to hang some clothes up.""Oh I love it!" Mia said, smiling at him. "It's like being at the beach. The floor is sand and the walls are the sea. It's so restful and appealing. Really brings out my creative side. I think I could do lots of painting and drawing in here.""I'm glad you like it. Jenna and I want you to feel comfortable and safe here. Charity is so important to Christians like us.""Oh yes, I understand Rev, um, Simon. And I am so grateful. Um, do I have to start going to church? I mean I was raised in a Christian home but I sort of drifted,” Mia said, giving him a coquettish look.""Ha, no worries! We're not going to force you to attend a Sunday service or anything so relax. Whether you're a believer or not, everyone is catered for in our vicarage. We don't judge.""Jenna told me that your church is a nice one," Mia said, gazing at the reverend. He's rather average in looks but this guy is a total sweetie I can tell. Not an ounce of malice in him. Jenna's really landed on her feet with this one."She's right! St Michael's is a lovely place of worship. I'm very honored to be its vicar. Of course it wasn't always like that, but I like to think that I've really turned things round and made a difference. I credit Jenna for helping me in, many ways," he continued, and Mia noted the pause.Wonder what he means by that? She thought.He continued. "I took over in 2019 after the sudden death of the previous vicar, Reverend Smith. Talk about being thrown in at the deep end. Only a few months later, the pandemic happened. What a stressful time that was."Mia nodded patiently."Sorry, I'm prattling on! I'll leave you to get sorted out. I talk too much. Always in sermon mode,”"That's alright, Simon. I'm sure your sermons are really interesting." Mia said, flattering him some more."Ah well, haven't heard too many snores in the aisles of late.""I really appreciate you helping me like this," Mia said, sitting on the bed. "I just don't know how I was going to cope. And I want to pay my way. I suppose I'll have to apply for Universal Credit. What with the cost of living crisis and everything. Not sure if there are any jobs going in this town? I don't know this area at all and I can't drive,”"One step at a time, Mia. let's get you settled in first.""I really do want to work. Is there anything I could do at your church?"Reverend Morris scratched the back of his head and sat down next to her."Well, it's mostly volunteer work there, which is no good when you need an income, oh wait a minute, Norman the churchwarden mentioned that the church hall needs a cleaner, 10 hours a week. It's only a five minute walk from here. We had one of the Sunday school teacher's lads doing it, but I confess he rarely turned up and was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. I was disappointed in Jordan, as the pay was pretty good for an entry-level job.""I'll do that job! I'd love to do that!" Mia said. "Oh please say yes!""Hmm, well let me talk it over with Jenna first, and Norman. Cleaning is a bit boring. You'd be required to put out chairs and tables too. They're only lightweight folding ones, so no dangerous lifting of heavy stuff or anything. But Norman will be able to tell you more about what's involved. We have a lot of functions held in the hall, not just church stuff. Monday is badminton class. Tuesday it's the over-60s hot yoga. Wednesday is the midweek eucharist, so it's tea and coffee morning. Thursday and Friday you get two days off as nothing happens then. Saturday is the local amateur dramatics group. Oh and Sunday, the most important day of all, is the main service at church, and a social gathering afterwards.""Oh I just love cleaning up," Mia said. "Tidiness is good for mental health you know. It keeps your mind occupied." She slid a bit closer to him."You're really enthusiastic aren't you?" Well If your heart's set on it, I'm sure I can pull a few strings and get you in. Don't want you to feel like your talents are being wasted in what I consider to be just a casual job though.""To be honest, I never had any idea what I wanted to do when I left school," Mia continued. "I never wanted to go to uni. I feel like such a failure for quitting.""Don't put yourself down," he said, reassuring her. "Sometimes God has a different path for us. And you can't stay somewhere that's making you unhappy. It takes guts to break away from a path that someone else has set for you. I can tell you have a great attitude. Your talents obviously lie elsewhere. In time, I'm sure you'll find something you truly excel at.""I do hope so," Mia said, pouting at him. She leaned in closer, but the moment was broken by the sound of the landline phone ringing downstairs."Oh that reminds me, I need to call on one of the flock." He stood up. "I'll leave you to unpack Mia. If you need anything, I'm sure Jenna can assist you. I have to go out. I'll see you later. Take care!"He hurried out of the bedroom."I think I'm gonna love it here," Mia giggled to herself. "I think I need to, repair my relationship with God." She gave the most mischievous of grins as she flopped back in bed."But I also plan on sinning, a lot!"Reverend Morris rushed down the stairs."That was the garage on the phone," Jenna said, putting down the receiver. "My car's passed its MOT and ready to be collected.""Great. I'll drop you off there as I just remembered I promised Gladys Wilcox I'd take her a copy of that paperback I recommended at last week's service. Hills of the North by Jenny Talwartz." He rummaged around on the coffee table and held up the book in question. "A thrilling tale set in rural England, about passion, blackmail and a woman's fulfilling journey to find romance and regain her faith.""Sounds a good one.""It got rave reviews on Amazon. I was worried it might be a bit too racy for some of the older members of the congregation. I haven't had chance to read it yet but apparently it contains violence and several sex scenes.""Right up Gladys Wilcox's alley I'd say," Jenna replied, grinning. "I keep telling you, there's something kinky going on between her and the churchwarden. Okay, give me five minutes, and I'll be ready. Need to have a quick word with our non-paying guest.""You're alright with her staying, aren't you? Sorry, I tend to just dive in and say yes to everything. Your cousin seems like such a lovely person.""I don't mind, but she's not the innocent little thing you think she is," Jenna said. "Oh she's not a criminal or anything, but she can be a bit, indiscreet at times.""Aren't we all a bit like that at eighteen? Not much life experience to fall back on.""Hmm, I suppose. I will phone Aunt Kathleen later and let her know that Mia's staying here. I'd better prepare to gently break the bad news that her daughter won't be getting those letters after her name."Mia was admiring herself in the wall mirror when Jenna came in, and closed the bedroom door."Alright you. Now how about giving me the whole truth about why you quit uni? You're good, but your acting skills need work. Better make it quick as Simon's waiting to give me a lift to the garage, so spill."The brunette took a deep breath. "Alright. Look, don't give me too much grief. I did something wrong and that's why I had to quit.""What happened?""I seduced my lecturer and slept with him."She gasped. "You did what?" After the initial shock, Jenna couldn't help but admire her cousin's brazen attitude. Seeing as she herself had seduced several men from the church, plus a former Catholic priest, and most recently, the town mayor. Not to mention there were her weekly "organ lessons" with Gordon,"So he was old enough to be my dad. Maybe grandad. He was like, late fifties or something. But he was so hot. Older men really turn me on. You must know how that feels. I mean, your husband is way older than you, right?""Yeah. I'm twenty-one and he's forty." Jenna admitted. "Eighteen and late fifties is one hell of an age gap though.""I know. Oh but Jen. Tom was such a sexy man. Just the type I like. He was a smoker, but not a heavy one. Kind of used to turn me on, smelling smoke on his breath. It added to the attraction, as weird as that sounds. The sex was amazing. Older men are just sexier,”Jenna gave a dreamy sigh. "Yep they are. Can't disagree with you there. Realizing she suddenly had a lot more in common with her cousin, she sat down next to her. "Tell me more about Tom."And so Mia gave her chapter and verse on her spicy adventures at Salford."Stood in the art room, I was backlit by the bright front windows behind me. By kneeling down to waist level, he could see through the now semi-transparent material of my dress and get a look at the curves of my body underneath it. I told myself that I was grossed out, and that it was disgusting, but the idea that this older man wanted to see my knickers made my heart beat fast, I masturbated to the idea of Tom looking at me and his cock getting hard in his underpants, and as I later found out, he had a lovely big cock.""Wow," Jenna said, feeling herself getting quite wet."Jenna! Are you coming?" Reverend Morris shouted."Oh! Er yes! Just a minute! I have to go out and collect my car from the garage. I won't be long. You'll be okay whilst I'm gone won't you?""You sound like Mum.""Sorry. I'll see you later then. Make yourself a brew or something. Help yourself to whatever's in the kitchen but if you touch Simon's beloved brandy, you'll be reciting some prayers of forgiveness!" Jenna said with a wink."I'll be good. Honest. Can I have a shower please? After that long journey I feel gross. It was hot and smelly in the train. A fat lad sat behind me kept farting.""Yes of course. Bathroom's the second on the right."A few minutes later, Mia was taking full advantage of the newly-installed power shower at the vicarage. As the hot water caressed her young body, she closed her eyes and ran her hands over her smooth skin, losing herself in the sensation. A smile played across her face as her hands cupped her small, pert breasts and gave the nipples a quick tweak. She sucked in a breath and bit her lip as those wandering hands traveled lower, finding the treasure between her legs. The sensations were nice, but when she imagined someone watching her doing these things, her clit began to throb with need."Oh Tom. I miss you."On the other side of town, Gordon was loading some ceramic plant pots into the boot of his car. He was glad to be offloading these unwanted pots on the vicar. With their massive garden, they'd be put to good use. Plus, Gordon could never refuse an opportunity to see the gorgeous Jenna.In the shower, Mia leaned against the wall, eyes closed, and fingered her tingling clit. She was lost in a fantasy.Praise the Lord! Reverend Morris returns unexpectedly, before Jenna does. He walks in and finds me here. Instead of turning away, he unzips his trousers. I happily comply, straight away, by parting my legs, bending over and thrusting my arse into his groin so he can tear off my underwear- if I was wearing any (which is hardly ever) - and he rams his whole ten inches (I assume he's well-endowed) of hard, holy cock right into my hot, tight snatch, fuck yes!Gordon arrived at the vicarage, and failed to notice the lack of cars on the driveway. His mind was too focused on Jenna. Being so familiar with the house's occupants, he didn't even knock these days, but just walked in. Gordon had never been known for restraint, but Reverend Morris didn't seem to mind."Hello? Anyone in? I'm early." He shouted. No reply. Maybe they were in the back garden. He shrugged and carried the pots into the house.Mia had finished her shower and was just wrapping a towel round herself when she heard Gordon's voice.Then the sound of the back door opening was heard."Shit, who's that?"Mia opened the bathroom window and peered out. She noticed Gordon placing the plant pots in the yard."Wonder if he's a delivery guy?"Gordon looked round and scratched his head. It was obvious now that Jenna and the reverend weren't in. He pulled out his smartphone.Mia continued to observe him, finally getting a good look at his face."He looks a bit like Tom! Oh my God!" She watched him call someone."Hi Jen, it's your favorite organist here. Just letting you know that I've arrived at your place with the pots, what's that? Sorry, it's a bad line, oh you're at the garage? Right, I see, sure, no problem.""Oh; so he's the church organist." Mia said. "What a DILF!"Gordon ended the call and put his hands on his hips. "Oh well, might as well help myself to a cuppa, whilst I'm here." He headed back into the house. In the kitchen, he was just about to switch the kettle on, when a voice from behind made him jump."Hello there."Gordon spun round in surprise."Sorry, didn't mean to startle you.""Who, are you?" He spluttered, catching his breath, and then he realized she was wearing nothing but a bath towel."Oh, I'm Mia, Jenna's cousin. I've just arrived. I'll be staying here for a bit as I, oh, whoops!"The towel fell to the floor.Gordon's eyes almost popped out of his head."Bloody hell!"The Vicar gets a shock, and the organist is seduced.Reverend Morris turned into the quiet cul-de-sac of Rosebay Gardens and pulled up in front of Mrs. Wilcox's bungalow."Hope the old girl doesn't find this book too rude," he muttered to himself as he knocked on the door. Noticing a pair of garden gnomes dressed in bondage gear, he smiled."Guess she won't!"After a few minutes, no-one came to the door. Reverend Morris fiddled with his clerical collar. The June heatwave was showing no sign of ending. Hearing laughter, he walked down the side of the house and opened the rear gate."Yoo hoo! Anyone there?"He wasn't prepared for what he saw next."Oh Vicar! I didn't hear you!" Mrs. Wilcox cheerfully exclaimed as she dropped the riding crop. "Norman, I told you to lock that garden gate,”The churchwarden, his hairy, bare buttocks red from repeated whippings, leapt to his feet and adjusted the floral print apron, which was his only item of clothing."Ah, good afternoon to you, Reverend! This is, um, well I guess it looks bad.""Dear God!" The vicar muttered. "Jenna was right all along!"Norman was mortified. "Er, I was, we were,”"He's been a naughty boy," Mrs. Wilcox cut in, rising from the garden chair. "He forgot to mow the lawn. I'm still training him, you see.""What's going on here?" Reverend Morris gasped. "Norman, are you some kind of slave?""Heh, er, pretty much," the embarrassed churchwarden replied. "It's a fetish I never knew I had, or knew she had.""My garden isn't overlooked, Vicar and we're both consenting adults. No harm in a bit of what you fancy, is there? Norman, sweetie, why don't you go and clad yourself in something more suitable and make us all a nice cup of Earl Grey, eh? There's a good lad. She gave his arse a playful slap as he hurried into the house."Now Vicar," the old lady said, turning to face him. She grinned, but behind that sweet facade lay steely determination and unbridled spirit. "Why yes, I'm eighty-six. I suppose I should be doing crosswords and watching episodes of Midsomer Murders instead of whipping a younger man's bare behind, eh? You look rather shocked. I must say, I'm surprised at your blushes, given that your lovely wife Jenna has quite a fancy for our dear church organist."Reverend Morris wasn't sure what to say. Norman must've told her about what went on in the church when I arranged Jenna's special birthday surprise, he thought. Damn. I swore him to secrecy."Oh I don't judge, I don't judge at all!" He said quickly. "Whatever turns you on, Gladys. I'm pleased that you're both enjoying yourselves!""Just like you and your good wife, and Gordon enjoyed yourselves in the church hall at Easter, am I right?" She winked at him. There was no way to deny it, for the old lass knew everything. Nosey little old ladies had a habit of knowing the deepest, darkest secrets of every member of a church."Er, that. It was, a one off. It just happened. We got carried away in the heat of moment!" Reverend Morris stammered."As is the usual way," Mrs. Wilcox replied."How did you, erm, find out?""Couldn't resist a peek through the keyhole," she said. That wasn't actually true, but she wasn't going to confess to the camera and Mrs. Norris' failed attempt at blackmail."You're a bit of a dark horse, Vicar," Mrs. Wilcox continued. "Gordon lends himself well to naughtiness, but you always seemed the shy type. Quite the stamina you displayed." She patted his arm. "I must admit, I had doubts when you took over from Reverend Smith, God rest his soul. I was wrong.""Very kind of you to say," he said, starting to relax. "Um, about that church hall incident, you haven't said anything have you?""My lips are sealed, dearie!"Reverend Morris exhaled. "Praise the Lord. Thank you, Gladys!" He was relieved she didn't know about Jenna's " Mentula Cōleī (bukkake) baptism" in the church last year. That would've been too much to excuse.In the house, came the sound of a whistling kettle reaching the boil."Forgive me asking this but, how did you and Norman come to be, er, in such an arrangement?""He wasn't my first choice," she said, with no hint of shame. "I wanted Gordon to step into the role, but he chickened out. Shame, as he showed such promise that afternoon when he came to practice on the organ, and my word, I enjoyed playing with his organ, let me tell you! I said to him, if I were thirty years younger, I'd have done a lot more with his organ! My body's far too old for such things, alas. But he seemed to really enjoy the blowjob I gave him. I haven't lost my touch!"The vicar felt as though he was about to faint. He would never look at this frail-looking little pensioner in the same way again."Well, that's good to know!"Presently, the kitchen door opened and Norman, now wearing a bathrobe, stepped out onto the patio, carrying a tray."Tea, Vicar?"Meanwhile, at the vicarage,Gordon wasn't usually lost for words, but Mia's towel drop had left him tongue-tied."Silly me," she said, bending down and covering herself up. "Sorry about that, Mr.,”He dared to breathe. "Gordon,”"Hi Gordon. I heard you talking on your phone earlier. Are you the organist?"She didn't seem embarrassed at all, but he could feel his face burning. "Um yes, I am. Been organist and choirmaster at St Michael's for twenty years now. I've played other pipe organs in different churches too.""How impressive. Being an organist you must be very good with your hands." Mia said. "May I call you Gordy-pie?""If you wish, and I have no complaints so far," he chuckled, regaining his confidence. He wondered if all female members of Jenna's family had this talent for driving men wild."I'd like your hands on me, Gordy-pie," Mia whispered, walking closer to him."I'm sure. How old are you?" He added, warily."Eighteen, and I'll be nineteen in a few weeks.""Ah." He relaxed. "How come you're staying here then? I'll hazard a guess that you're not training to become a member of the clergy?""Been a naughty girl; haven't I?" She pouted. "Got myself booted out of uni.""Blimey. What did you do?" Gordy-Pie asked."Slept with my lecturer," Mia said, twirling a wet strand of her hair. "Seduced him, lost my virginity to him. I regret nothing.""You are an extremely naughty girl," Gordon tutted in mock disapproval. "Seducing defenseless older men like that.""I know. But Gordy-pie, do you know what the best thing was? That first time we did it. When I pressed against him and felt his hard cock straining against his trousers. The same as yours is now,” She groped his crotch and taken by surprise, he let out a gasp.Mia slipped her arms round his waist and planted a kiss on his lips. "Well? What shall we do?""I quite fancy a nice hot shower," Gordon whispered back. Lowering his voice further, he whispered into her ear. "Get your naughty little ass up those stairs right now and into the bathroom."She didn't need telling twice. Giggling, she threw her towel at him and raced out of the kitchen."I'll show you exactly what an organist can do with his hands!" Gordon shouted as he ran after her, whilst trying to unbuckle his belt.In the bathroom, Mia had already turned on the shower. She watched in amusement as Gordon fumbled with his clothes. He stepped out of his shoes and socks and tried to remove his trousers as fast as possible."Hurry up, Gordy-pie!" She teased."Damn these buttons! He muttered, fiddling with his shirt. "Should've worn a t-shirt."At last he freed himself from the offending item of clothing, and his trousers fell to his ankles."Oh, love your tighty-whities!" Mia purred. They were just like the ones Tom wore."Wait until you see what's inside them!" Gordon laughed, removing his briefs and finally, he was as naked as she was."Wow," Mia gasped. She was more than impressed. The organist's cock was thick and splendid. She was so hungry for cock that any man would've done, but Gordon ticked all her boxes and more. This was going to be one hell of a shower,"Gordy-pie," she whispered, holding out her hand. "I must warn you, I'm very slippery when wet."Gordon stepped inside. Water cascaded across the slim curves of Mia's glistening body and ran down into the darker crevice of her thighs. Gordon saw that she had a dark thatch of pubic hair that obscured her view of the lips below."I'd better handle with care then," he whispered back.His lips closed tight around her skin and kissed her neck right from her left ear, all the way down and around and back up to her right ear. He did this again, this time using tongue flicks just to hear Mia moan slightly."So just how do you play the pipe organ?" Mia gasped.He reached for the shower gel bottle and began to lather up his hands."Like this." He ran his fingers down her shoulders and back, then in a circular motion, before kneading her skin."The thing with pipe organs is, you have to press down quite firmly on the manuals," he said. "That's what the keyboards are called." He planted kisses on the back of her neck. "The organ at St Michael's has three manuals. One up here." He pressed his fingers against her shoulders."Ooh.""The middle one, round about here,” His fingers slipped down to her lower back."That tickles!""And the third manual, that's down here." He cupped her pert buttocks."Then there are the stops." Gordon's hands slipped round and up to her breasts."Have to pull out the stops,” He tweaked her hardened nipples.Mia closed her eyes, loving his sensual touch, and feeling his hard cock pressing against her arse."Oh, Gordy,”"Not forgetting the organ loft," Gordon continued, fingering her clit and making her whimper and shudder in pleasure."That's where the action happens. The organist sits at his console and plays,”Mia continued to shudder but then turned, & roughly grasped Gordon's head with both hands. He saw the desire in the young woman's brown eyes before he kissed her, hard and deep. Mia's inconsistent moans became longer and louder; the trembling went from shudders of the back to full-body quaking.Gordon continued. "And that just leaves, the organ pipes. The biggest pipes produce the deepest sounds. He took her hand and placed it on his cock."I've only got one organ pipe, but it only takes one pipe to make sweet music,”The hot spray from the shower cascaded down both their bodies. Exhilaration coursed throughout Mia's body; she'd never felt so turned on. Dropping to her knees, she soaped up her hands and slid them along Gordon's pulsing shaft. She said nothing as she rinsed, then started tasting him by licking the water drops from his balls.Flattening her tongue and licking in one long stroke up the length of his prick. Wrapping her lips around his cockhead, she sucked him. He tasted so good. A perfect older man.Keeping the rhythm nice and steady, Mia stepped up the sensation by rubbing her fingers around the base of Gordon's cock just above his balls."Mmm, your balls are getting tighter, Gordy-pie. It shouldn't be too long now before I really get to taste you!" Mia said at last. "I want all your delicious cum!""Oh God!"Gordon suddenly tensed, sucked in a breath and then grunted. Mia locked her lips so none of his precious seed escaped. Feeling his cock start to pulse, he exploded in her mouth. Spurt after spurt. Mia swallowed every drop."Did I play the organ correctly?"Gordon slid his hands up her arms and grasped her face, pulling her in for a slow, tender kiss."Perfectly," he murmured. "No wrong notes at all!""I want a more advanced organ lesson, Gordy-pie." Mia said. Hot water ran down her back and legs, making it so much easier for him to slip his fingers inside her tight pussy."What a good idea. You're more than ready!" He rubbed the tip of his still-hard cock against her entrance, teasing her by rubbing it against her clit, then down to the entrance, and back up to the clit again."Now. Please," she begged him.Gordon pressed the head of his cock against her entrance and shoved himself inside. He went in all the way on the first thrust, forcing a moan from the young brunette. He grabbed her hips roughly and thrust hard into her, the sound of wet skin slapping together. Mia moaned loudly as the organist began to pound into her."Oh Gordy! Yes! Fuck yes! Harder!"Neither of them heard the front door open as Jenna returned.To be continued in part 2. By Blacksheep, for Literotica.
Gordon is reunited with an old crush. Based on a post by Blacksheep, in 2 parts. Listen to the ► Podcast at Steamy Stories. The monthly Mother's Union meeting was taking place at Gladys Wilcox's bungalow. There was much to discuss, mainly tomorrow's Easter Sunday service. However the main topic of conversation was the vicar's phallus. "He was just standing there, starkers! Swinging, I tell you, swinging. It was like a boa constrictor poking out of a tree. I didn't know where to look!" Mrs. Harris exclaimed. "Wish I could've been there," Mrs. Wilcox replied. "Really, Gladys!" "Well at our age there's not much opportunity for those sorts of thrills is there?" She grinned and glanced at Norman the churchwarden, who said nothing and awkwardly sipped his coffee. Being the only man there, he felt uncomfortable sitting through this, but Mrs. Wilcox had insisted he attend. "How come he was naked?" Another woman asked. "Said he'd been having a shower, but I know a lie when I see one. If you ask me, him and his wife had been; you know;" "Having a quickie?" Mrs. Wilcox replied. Norman almost choked on his coffee, remembering that 21st birthday surprise the vicar had arranged for Jenna in the church, sixteen months ago. "Yes, exactly!" "You know something, Maureen, I was chatting to Maud Finch, on the bus the other day. Now she lives on Haddock Street, in one of those council houses that overlook the railway line. She tells me that groups of drunk young men are forever going up on that opposite embankment and mooning at passing trains." "Has she made a complaint?" "Why on earth would she want to do that?" Mrs. Wilcox spluttered. "I said to her, I'll call round later this week and I'll bring a pair of binoculars!" Over on the other side of town, at 64 Stovepipe Avenue, Gordon Leesmith yawned and sat up in bed. He squinted at the alarm clock. It was ten thirty. "Oh Gord, you lazy bugger," he said to himself, stretching his arms. He hadn't intended on having such a long lie-in. Myah had gone to work hours ago. She'd been working Saturdays the past few weeks, covering for Kate, a work colleague who was recovering from major abdominal surgery. Gordon staggered out of bed and scratched his belly as he peered out of the window. The weather seemed reasonable today. The past week had seen some very unsettled conditions, with sunny spells and frequent heavy showers, so typical of British springtime. "I'd better get a move on. I promised Myah I'd cook tonight and there's not a bite of food in the house." Gordon didn't relish the prospect of going to the supermarket during the Easter weekend. Every shop was crammed. Besides, he wanted to head to the church and spend an hour practicing on the organ ready for tomorrow's special service. He'd have the church all to himself for once. He relished this temporary period of calm. Easter was always busy for the organist. As well as his full-time job repairing organs, he'd had to play the Wednesday Eucharist, the Maundy Thursday service, yesterday's Good Friday evening service and on Sunday, it was the big one. At least he could rest his fingers on Monday's bank holiday. "Can't wait to jet off next month," he muttered, as he hurriedly dressed himself and brewed a cup of tea. He'd booked a week's holiday in Tenerife for himself and Myah. Their first holiday together and they were really looking forward to it. Gordon wasn't one for culture, eco-tourism or trailing round ancient ruins. Sun, sea and all-inclusive hotels were his idea of paradise. Myah had never been to the Canary Islands. He hoped she wouldn't be too bored just lounging on the beach or by the pool all day. He'd booked an adults-only hotel, the four star Golden Vista in Playa de las Americas. It had excellent reviews on TripAdvisor. Meanwhile, at the vicarage; Reverend Morris was in turmoil. "Maureen Harris has got a right mouth on her. Who needs social media when you've got a pensioner who's Britain's answer to Hedda Hopper?" "Simon, you're worrying unnecessarily," Jenna said. "You've not done anything wrong. You were in your own home and you didn't know she was there." "Oh, I don't know. I'm the parish vicar and I just accidentally exposed myself in front of an elderly member of my congregation. Can't say I'm too thrilled about that." "Maureen shouldn't have walked in. She was in the wrong. Said she knocked, but when nobody answered, she should've given up and gone." "And I should've locked the front door! I bet she's told everyone at the Mother's Union that she saw me nude!" Jenna shrugged. "So, she saw your cock. I bet many other ladies wish they could've been so lucky!" Gordon parked up on the Tesco Express car park. As expected, the place was heaving with people rushing to get last-minute groceries. Tubs of cut-price garden fence paint were piled up outside the store. As he was looking at these, he heard someone call his name. "Gordon? Gordon Leesmith. Is it you?" He spun round in surprise. A tall, slim woman, late sixties at a guess, and with silvery hair cut into a sleek bob, was stood next to him. She was dressed in a long, pale grey coat with fur-lined collar. Underneath, a skirt or dress of some sort, black tights and ankle boots. "Uh, hello? Yes, I'm Gordon Leesmith. Who are you?" The woman chuckled. "Oh dear. I really have changed haven't I? You don't remember me, do you?" Gordon blinked as he studied her face carefully, then he let out a gasp. "Harriet; Harriet Fairfax?" "Guilty!" Gordon was too stunned to speak at first, but he quickly composed himself. After so many years, here was the woman he'd lost his virginity to, way back one summer night in 1985, when he was just eighteen. His former piano teacher! "Oh God! I can't believe it! I; I, it's so wonderful to see you again! I always wondered what happened to you, Harriet. The last time we met was in 1988, when I'd just got my ARCO diploma. After that, you; well, vanished." "That's a long story. Come, let's go and have a coffee. We've both got a lot to catch up on. I'm only here until Tuesday, then I'm flying back home." "You live abroad?" "I emigrated to Australia when I got married." "Blimey. I think I need more than a coffee. I know a good place." He took her arm in his and they headed across the road. "You certainly have grown in confidence," Harriet smiled. "I always knew you would." At a small pub in the town center, Gordon sipped an overpriced beer and listened intently as Harriet filled him in on her life story. He felt a lump in his throat as she told him of her marriage to Graham, an Australian musician she'd met shortly after Gordon's fateful night in Blackpool Tower. "I suppose my head was well and truly turned. I was blinded by love. You have to remember back then in the Eighties, a single woman, mid-thirties and childless, well I was seen as being left on the shelf. Graham seemed the perfect man; and as I was never close to my parents, I figured here was my one chance to have a new start. New country, new job. So we settled in Perth. I started work as a music teacher. Loved it. Work was bliss. Unfortunately, marriage to Graham was anything but." "Was he unfaithful?" Gordon asked. "No. I would've preferred it if he was. He was abusive. It's because of him that I have partial hearing in my right ear. The beatings got so bad; he beat me black and blue. Even when I was pregnant." Tears pricked Gordon's eyes. "Bastard. Oh God, Harriet. I'm so sorry. Tell me you managed to leave him?" "Didn't need to. He took it upon himself to commit suicide one evening. I came back from work and found him swinging in the garage. August 11th, 1997. What a day to remember, eh? He'd always been a heavy drinker. I found out he'd run up massive debts, got himself fired." "Dear God. How did you cope?" "Well friends and neighbors rallied round. I'm lucky. I'm one of those people who makes friends easily. I had a good support network. Besides, I had to stay strong, for the sake of my boys, Daniel and Ryan; only got Ryan now." She paused and Gordon wondered whether he should press her further. "Daniel; died. He was twelve. A total sweetheart. You see, he was born with Down's Syndrome. Graham never coped with it. He was the loveliest, most gentle boy. Everyone who met him just adored his sunny nature. He loved animals and music. But Graham ignored him. Ryan came along three years later. He's able-bodied. Actually that's why I'm over here. I've been visiting Ryan. He's thirty now. Works as a concert pianist. I'm so proud of him. He's fiercely independent. Doesn't need me fussing over him, but we're still close. This is the last time I'll be flying here. I can't handle these long haul flights any more, now that I'm almost seventy-four. Never did like flying. He'll be the one flying over to see me next time." "You look amazing," Gordon quickly blurted out, wiping his eyes. "Heh, thanks." "I'm so sorry you've had to endure all that, Harriet," Gordon sniffed, placing his hand on hers. "Thanks for being a good listener. Hey and I'm a survivor. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?" "So; you didn't re-marry?" "Nah. After Graham died, I focused on being a mum. I got used to being single. Although ten years ago, I met Ray. He's widowed like me and a few years older. He's a total gentleman, bless him. I can't say he excites me sexually. I hope this doesn't sound too mean; he's a bit boring, but at my age, I'm past all that. It's just nice to have someone who's dependable and kind." Gordon nodded. Looking at Harriet, he thought she still looked very attractive. She'd aged well, despite the heartache she'd gone through. A surge of excitement rushed through him. "Anyways Gordon, I've prattled on about myself for too long! Tell me what you've been up to all these years!" Without wanting to bore her, Gordon gave a rundown of his life. From his marriage to Marjorie, to her cheating on him and then divorcing him, to becoming organist and choirmaster at St Michael's church, to meeting Myah. He chose to omit any mention of Jenna, the stunning vicar's wife who he'd bedded countless times before Myah arrived on the scene. "She's very attractive," Harriet said as Gordon showed her a photo on his smartphone. "You look so happy together. Do you'll think you'll have children in future?" "It's a possibility, given that she's much younger than me. Marjorie was adamant she never wanted children. I respected that. I confess I've never given much thought to becoming a dad. But if Myah does want to become a mum, then I'll be up for it." "About the age gap. It's a large one. Has that presented any problems?" "It did at first. Her parents were furious. Some hurtful things were said, but her mother and I eventually came to an understanding. Most people at church have been okay but there were a couple of exceptions. It upset me when my cousin Barry called me a "borderline nonce." He was only joking, but it hurt. She'll be twenty in July. Myah was the one who pursued me, not the other way round;" "Perhaps Barry was jealous of you. But yes, that was a crass thing to say. Well Gordon, there's one thing I want to experience before I head back Down Under." His eyes widened. "Really? What's that?" "I want to see and hear you play a pipe organ! You showed such skill and talent way back in 1985;" she winked at him and he felt that surge of excitement again. "Funnily enough, I was planning to have a practice at church today. Tomorrow's a big day, being Easter Sunday. We've got two choirs singing. Care to join me on a trip to St Michael's? It's only a five minute walk from here." The Mother's Union meeting was drawing to a close, but poor Norman could bear it no longer. Mrs. Wilcox was still questioning Mrs. Harris on a certain part of the vicar's anatomy. "Ladies, please excuse me; I really need to; er, relieve myself. Thank you for your company and I'll see you at church tomorrow!" "Oh yes, take care Norman!" they replied, oblivious to his embarrassment. "That's a fine lodger you've got yourself, Gladys. Now I tend to view men as nothing more than useless articles, but he is a true Christian." "Oh he truly is, Maureen. We have such wonderful times together. He was very easy to train!" At St Michael's church, Gordon gave Harriet a quick tour, before leading her to the organ. "This is a beautiful church," she said. "That's one thing I miss about living in Australia. All of the churches there are recent by comparison. There isn't the history. Oh there are some lovely ones, but it's not the same. This one goes back to medieval times. I love old buildings." "Yes, it's a nice church. Good community here too. I get on so well with the vicar. Reverend Morris is a good egg. His sermons are rather tedious, but nobody's perfect, eh?" He sat on the organ stool. "Here she is! What do you think?" "She's a beauty, Gordon. Three manuals, and the pipework is incredible. A large organ for such a small church." "Aye, she's a grand old lass. I gave her a complete overhaul in January. Replaced some of the big flue pipes. Now she sounds better than ever." He switched on the lamp above the manuals. "Very handy having an organist who can fix organs as well as play them. That's a very specialized job, isn't it?" "Pretty much. Right; what would you like me to play?" Harriet removed her thick coat and slid onto the stool next to him. "Hmm. It's an overplayed piece of music, but I've always liked The Entertainer. You played that for me when you used to come for lessons, remember?" "Ah yes. I remember!" As he began to play, Harriet glanced at her former student, no longer a gauche, skinny teenager but a stocky, fifty-six year old man, with silver hair. He had a paunch, but it suited him. He'd grown into his looks and actually looked better now than when he was eighteen. She ran a finger across her chin, and carefully considered her next move. He truly had become a very gifted organist. Gordon was halfway through playing, when a hand on his thigh made him play a wrong note. He stopped and looked down. "Umm;" "No-one must find out about this." Harriet whispered. "Well Myah's at work; and I don't think Ray can see what we're up to from the other side of the world;" Gordon stammered. He couldn't believe history was repeating itself. "An old girl like me can still get all hot and bothered seeing an attractive younger man," she teased. Her thigh was pressing against his and his cock was starting to respond. "Uh; Harriet," Gordon mumbled, and once again he was transported back to 1985, and was that shy, awkward teenager again. "I; just want you to know. You were my first major crush. Well; I'd fancied other girls, but you; well you just; did it for me." "I'm so glad to hear you say that, Gordon. You were the only student I ever felt attracted to. Truth is, at the time, I was feeling rather sorry for myself and unattractive. When I found out you had a crush on me, it was an incredible turn-on. To be desired by a much-younger man. I knew the whole time." "Guess I wasn't that good at being discreet," Gordon replied. "Not at all. You were shy and went bright red every time I spoke to you. Which was very endearing. I just had to make your first time a memorable one. During the pandemic, I did a lot of thinking. I started looking at old photos. I had one of you taken at your graduation. I started wondering what became of you. So I started trawling the Internet. I checked Facebook. There were a lot of Gordon Leesmiths on there, but not the one I was seeking." "I don't use social media," Gordon said. "Never have. Don't like the idea of it. I'm too old for the likes of Thick Tock or whatever it's called. " "That's fair enough. By chance, I came across a post made on the Facebook page of your church. It mentioned an organist called Gordon Leesmith. I clicked the link to the church's website and on the list of clergy and laity, there was a photo of you! I knew at once it was you." "Ah. So you were able to hunt me down with ease?" He smiled. "I'm glad you did; I've never forgotten that night in Blackpool." She leaned in closer and kissed his cheek. "Gordon; how about I give you a present? For old time's sake and all?" Her hand brushed his crotch and she could tell at once that he'd got a hard-on. "My, my. Seems like I haven't lost my touch!" "You're still beautiful, Harriet." He kissed her back. "I'm all yours;" She smiled and unzipped his trousers. As she freed his erection from his y-fronts, Gordon closed his eyes, savoring the sensation of her hot breath on his skin. He felt her lips wrap around him, and a shudder of pleasure ran through him. She began to bob her head, her mouth moving up and down his length in a rhythm that was both masterful and irresistible. Her tongue danced along the underside of his shaft, teasing and taunting him. "Oh God; oh shit, yes," he moaned. He was producing a lot of precum. Gordon considered himself an over-producer of the stuff. It was a bloody nuisance when one's underpants got wet from being horny all the time, as he usually was. The sounds of their breathing filled the empty church, the rustle of Harriet's skirt and the creak of the organ bench provided a steady beat as she continued her ministrations. Her grip on him was firm, but gentle, and she seemed to know just how to stroke him, how to tease him, how to drive him wild with desire. "Ahh," Gordon grunted. His hand caught one of the manuals and a few wrong notes disturbed the quietness. As she bobbed her head, Gordon could feel his control slipping away. He arched his back, letting out a low groan, his fingers digging into the sides of the organ stool. Harriet knew just how to use her tongue, teasing him mercilessly with it, driving him to the edge of release before pulling back and starting again. Her grip on him tightened ever so slightly, and he felt a surge of desire course through him, making his muscles tense and his heart race. With a groan that was equal parts pleasure and desperation, Gordon tensed, his hips bucking forward as he lost control. He felt the first spurt of hot seed erupt from his cock. Harriet didn't pull away, but instead opened her mouth wider, letting his essence flow over her tongue, down her throat. The sensation was almost too much for him to bear, and he let out a hoarse cry as he released himself fully into her mouth. As his orgasm subsided, Harriet slowly pulled back, her lips still wrapped around him, her eyes shining with pride and satisfaction. "That was wonderful, Gordon," she whispered. "Just wonderful." "Just like old times," came his breathless reply. Jenna Receives a Special Easter Egg. "You're quiet, Gordy!" Myah said as noticed him slumped on the settee, idly running his finger down an empty cup. "Oh! Sorry love," he muttered, quickly composing himself. His mind was still reeling from that fateful encounter with Harriet. He took a deep breath. "Hard day at the organ?" Myah giggled, leaning over the settee and kissing his forehead. "Got myself all prepared for tomorrow's service," he said quickly. "Erm, I have a confession to make; I er, was so wrapped up with practicing, I totally forgot to get some food in. But; worry not. Because you and I are dining out tonight! How do you fancy trying out that new Italian place? My treat. A working girl needs pampering." "Aww, yes!" Myah replied. "You're the best, my organ boy! Right, I'd better go and get changed!" She hurried upstairs and Gordon was alone with his thoughts once more. "Glad I got to see her one last time," he said to himself. "Goodbye Harriet." Next morning; The daffodils were in full splendor. A sea of yellow had erupted on the grass verges flanking the road to St. Michael's Church. A bright sunny sky greeted worshippers on this glorious Easter Sunday. Inside the church, it was bustling. Reverend Morris hurried about, making sure everything was just right, a music stand here, some extra hymn books there. "Where's Jenna?" He asked the churchwarden. "Why, in the vestry of course, with the rest of the choir. She's wearing robes this time, Vicar! Plus, Gordon and that Guild Voices chap will want to give a pep talk before they start." "Oh yes of course, silly me. Thanks Norman." "Do try to relax, it'll turn out fine. I have a feeling this Easter service is going to be unforgettable!" "Hope so, Reverend Morris replied, hurrying back down the aisle. "Right time for some more meet and greet;" A wrinkled hand grabbed the sleeve of his cassock as he passed a middle row of pews. "Good morning Vicar. I trust you weren't ignoring me?" "Ah; good morning to you, Mrs. Harris. Er, no I genuinely didn't see you there." "Of course, there are some things that cannot be unseen," the old lady replied, leaving him in no doubt has to what she was referring to. He cringed. "I'm so very sorry about that." "No need to apologize. You're lucky it was me and not Gladys Wilcox who saw you showing off everything the Lord gave you. Her reaction would've been rather different to mine." "Uh; I see," the vicar coughed, feeling his cheeks burning with shame. "Makes you sick doesn't it?" Mrs. Harris continued. "Just the thought of it." "The thought of what?" "Senior citizens lusting after younger men." Reverend Morris was unsure how to respond to that, but luckily Josh the curate intervened. "Would you believe it?" He said. "That flower arch around the door is absolutely infested with greenfly. Most of the flowers are already dead." "What? It only went up last night!" In the vestry, everyone was crammed in like sardines. Gordon had taken charge of the St. Michael's choir, whilst Derek was organizing the Guild Voices. "Oi, Luke, get that surplice on the right way round!" Gordon yelled at a choirboy. "Hannah, put that smartphone away!" He shook his head. "Honestly, it's like herding a bunch of cattle." "A shame about the lack of space," Derek remarked. "I keep forgetting what a small church this is. Morning Jenna!" He winked at the vicar's wife. "Hello Derek." The choirmaster lowered his voice. "Need a quick word with you alone; where can we go that's private?" Jenna glanced round. "Come with me." He discreetly followed her as she slipped out of the vestry and to a tiny storage area by the side of the organ pipes. There was no door, just a curtained archway. The room little more of an alcove, and the two of them could barely fit inside it. "Cozy," Derek smiled. "Got a little Easter present for you, Jenna," he said, rummaging in his jacket pocket. He handed her a small box. "Aww, thank you," she said. "That's really thoughtful." "Go on, you can open it now." "Oh that's cute," she smiled, holding up a little plastic yellow and green Easter egg on a pink silicone cord, and assumed it was a decoration of some kind. "Does it have chocolate inside?" Derek gave a mischievous grin. "Nope. You see; it's meant to go inside you! I was wondering if you could; wear it for me during the service? I'll enjoy an interesting little Easter egg hunt later; if you get what I mean." Jenna smiled back. Derek was more adventurous than she'd first imagined. "Why certainly, Derek. Maybe after the service, He will have Risen; and I'm not talking about Jesus there." She winked and hurried off to the toilets. "Naughty girl," Derek chuckled. "I hope she's in fine voice. Now the fun begins!" Shortly after, Jenna returned and took her place among the other Guild Voices choir members at the front of the church. Gordon began playing the voluntary, whilst the church choir did the usual procession down the main aisle. Reverend Morris stepped up to the pulpit and glanced at his wife. It seemed odd seeing his wife wearing a cassock and surplice, but she wore it well. He puffed out his chest with pride, noticing all the full pews. His church had definitely beaten St. Peter's. "Brothers and sisters, a very warm welcome to you all on this joyful Eastertide! I ask you to take the joy and hope of Easter and let it be your light and your life. Tell people that there's hope. In the driest valley, there is the resurrection. In the darkest night, there is the resurrection. In the worst moments you ever go through there is the resurrection, there is the promise of life, there is Jesus whispering into your ear saying that it's okay because death has lost its sting. There is the resurrection. Death is defeated. He has done it. He is risen. Hallelujah! We're very honored today to be hosting the Guild Voices Choir, led by the talented Mr. Derek Blackledge, who has put together a fantastic medley of holy music, along with our own equally talented organist, Gordon. He is, of course, ably assisted by his partner and organist-in-training Myah, who will be playing a few pieces for us. Now, without further ado, let us stand for our first hymn, Thine Be the Glory!" Just as Jenna was about to take a deep breath and focus on the music, she felt the egg she'd inserted into her womanhood begin to vibrate uncontrollably. Then, she noticed Derek, fiddling with his smart watch. His expression was one of mischief and amusement, and she knew instinctively that he was the one responsible for this unexpected distraction. The strains of the mighty organ filled the church as Gordon began playing the hymn. Jenna gave an awkward jolt, but was determined not to lose control during this situation. Well played, Derek, she thought. Well played. The choirmaster was waving his baton, and concentrating on the choir, but every so often, he made eye contact with Jenna, who was stood on the front row. Her voice was a little shaky, but it wasn't noticeable, thankfully. As the vibrations increased, Jenna struggled to maintain her composure. The sensations were overwhelming, and she could feel herself growing warm all over. She tried to ignore the egg, focusing instead on the beautiful music and the sacredness of the occasion. But try as she might, she couldn't help but be affected by the relentless vibrations. Her breath grew shorter, her cheeks flushed, and her body trembled with each passing moment. "No more we doubt thee, glorious Prince of life; life is naught without thee; aid us in our strife; Make us more than conquerors, through thy deathless love: bring us safe through Jordan to thy home above! Thine be the glory, risen conquering Son, Endless is the vict'ry, thou o'er death hast won." The hymn ended, and quiet descended on the church. Everyone sat down, and that didn't make it any easier for Jenna, as she squirmed awkwardly on the chair. "What's the matter with the vicar's missus, she got fleas or something?" One of the old ladies on the front row of pews whispered. "Well you know what young people are like, Maud. They can't sit still for five minutes can they? Probably suffering from smartphone withdrawal." "Either that or she's bursting for the toilet!" Sitting through the readings was bad enough, but the sermon was to prove far worse. Derek had obviously been planning this ever since their encounter on Wednesday night. The devious choirmaster was loving this! She gritted her teeth as she noticed him fiddle with his watch again. He wasn't finished with her yet. Just as she thought she had regained control, it started to vibrate again, this time more insistently than before. It seemed to have a mind of its own, dancing against her clit with an unyielding determination. Jenna bit back a moan, her cheeks burning red as she fought to maintain her composure. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the next piece of music in the book, trying to ignore the sensations building inside her. "We all make mistakes and mess up. The way you �be� a good Christian is to have faith in that cross and empty grave, in what Jesus did there. Because our faith is the one where God comes to us to give us hope and defeat the powers of sin and death for us, out of love!" After what seemed like an eternity, Reverend Morris finally ended his sermon. It was time for the next hymn, The Old Rugged Cross, but first, there was a piece of music to be performed a cappella by the choir. Gordon left his place at the organ and stood alongside Derek. He adjusted his open-fronted black gown and nodded at the choir. He noticed Jenna and smiled at her. She looked a bit uncomfortable, which he assumed was down to her singing in front of an audience for the first time. As the singing began, Derek subtly pressed his watch again. Jenna's voice went from low to impossibly high. Her eyes closed and as she sang, she felt a newfound strength welling up inside her. It was a strength born of passion and desire, of the need to express herself fully and without restraint. Gordon was amazed at her vocal range, then again, he didn't need to remind himself that the stunning vicar's wife had many talents; some he was no longer privy to, but her cousin had more than made up for. As she belted out the final chorus, her body trembled with the effort. Her breath came in ragged gasps, and her heart pounded wildly in her chest. The egg vibrator continued its relentless dance against her sensitive flesh, sending waves of pleasure coursing through her veins. She could feel herself growing closer and closer to the edge, the release just out of reach. Gordon continued to watch her. Blimey, she's really putting her heart and soul into this performance. He thought. It's almost as if; she's about to have an orgasm! He scolded himself for thinking about sex yet again. Yet he could not shake the image of her desperate to climax. Under those robes, Miss Kitty could be sopping wet. Mmm, a nice thought. He took a deep breath as he felt his cock starting to twitch, and quickly put that out of his mind. The last thing he needed was to develop a hard-on in front of the entire church. The a cappella piece ended, and it was time for Gordon to return to the organ and play the next hymn. As he did, he stole one last glance at the vicar's wife. Maybe it was just nerves. He sat down on the organ stool and began playing The Old Rugged Cross. Jenna glanced around, hoping no one had noticed the effect the egg was having on her. But everyone seemed to be too focused on singing of the hymn, their faces glowing with pride and accomplishment. Jenna bit her lip, as she fought to control the egg's relentless movements. She closed her eyes, trying to focus on something, anything, other than the sensations building inside her. But it was no use. The loud notes of the organ, the church, passages from the Bible; all seemed to feed the fire burning inside her. She was about to come, and there was no stopping it. She closed her eyes, her fists gripping her hymn book tightly as she surrendered. She started moaning gently as the pressure within built up. As the hymn's final verse was sung, Jenna climaxed with an almighty yell and her body shuddered as her orgasm spewed forth her juices and then there was a pop. She gasped as she felt the egg vibrator slip loose and fall to the stone floor. The silicone cord broke free, and the egg rolled away, under her chair. There was no way she could bend down to retrieve it. Her intense behavior had not gone unnoticed by Edna Draper, who was stood next to her. "I take it you like that hymn a lot? You were really giving it your all!" "Yeah," Jenna said, getting her breath back. "I've been practicing so hard!" Meanwhile, the egg was still rolling along the church floor. It came to a stop by the side of the organ stool. "Hello, what do we have here?" Gordon said to himself. When the vicar took to the pulpit again, the organist discreetly bent down and picked up the egg. It was warm, wet and glistening with clear goo. He knew at once what it was. "Now which naughty little Easter Bunny does this egg belong to? I think I can guess." He gave it a sniff, wiped it with a tissue and placed it in his jacket pocket. Looking over to the choir, he noticed Jenna fidgeting on her chair. "I knew it! She was getting herself off when I was conducting the choir!" The Easter Sunday service drew to a close. Reverend Morris ended it with some uplifting words. "Brothers and Sisters! Before we all head off to the church hall for tea, coffee and chocolate eggs, let me ask you one more time. Are you filled with hope today? Then go out and take it with you! This is the best news you'll ever be able to give anyone. That He loves you enough to rise again, to give you hope. And no power on earth can stop us if that is the message we're bringing to people this Easter. Amen!" Based on a post by Blacksheep, for Literotica.
Welcome to I'll Marry You, a podcast by Olivia Coleman: full of tips and tricks from the UK wedding scene, interviews with industry experts, and a WHOLE LOT of oversharing!This episode is sponsored by Filmedonphones! Filmedonphones is an amazing service that makes it easy to film your own wedding by guiding your guests and gathering their footage. The end result is a fun DIY wedding video, made collaboratively with your friends and family. Have a listen to our episode with Ollie from filmedonphones, or visit filmedonphones.com to find out moreI'm back! And I have another tiny little human that now looks to me for all of its needs and wants. It is amazing. And hard. But amazing. But also, very hard. But - definitely - amazing.Blimey it's hard work though.But yes, here I am in my glamorous midwife costume as I catch you up on all of the goings on with the little person coming out of my body, and getting 2025 going with some more wedding related shenanigans, tips and tricks, looking mostly at YOU, PERSON WHO IS NEWLY ENGAGED AFTER THE CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR PERIOD!MEMBERSHIPS!We now have some memberships and some advertising slots! You can find all of the information here, but basically if you enjoy the show and want to give us a little financial support to help us keep making it, there is the Family and Friends tier, which gets you all of our episodes without adverts (when we have adverts) and permanent membership to a WhatsApp community for all of our listeners to chat and share weddings tips, and if you are either planning your wedding OR are just a big ole SuperFan, we have The Wedding Party tier, where you get everything in Family and Friends, but you can also join a video call with me to drink wine, be inappropriate and discuss your wedding plans!If you're not in a position to support us financially that is TOTALLY FINE AND WE LOVE YOU ANYWAY! The show will always be available for free on podcast apps and YouTube, but do consider following/subscribing on your podcast app of choice. And if you think we deserve it, give us five stars on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Podchaser! It doesn't bring in more listeners, but it DOES let them know that this is worth listening to if they find it!ADVERTISING!If you're a wedding supplier, in the membership link there are also three ad slots! We've got (and I don't like thinking about this) literally THOUSANDS of listeners now, and most of them are planning their weddings, so if you want to reach our audience and have me tell them about what you do, you can book ad slots on all of our past and upcoming episodes.If you're interested in having me join your wedding journey as your celebrant, or if you want any more information on what I do you can find more exciting details on my website: www.oliviacolemancelebrant.co.uk. You can also find me on Instagram @notthatoliviacoleman, Twitter on @illmarryyoupc - give me a follow!I would LOVE to hear from you if you have any wedding news or questions that you'd like to have answered on the show; you can email me, use my website contact form, or my DMs are open!Production InformationProduced and Edited by Drew Toynbee. Drew is a freelance digital content creator, editor and performer, hosting,...
She's had the organist. Now she wants the Vicar.A Series in 17 parts, by Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Mia weakly raised her hand and switched off the shower."That was amazing, Gordy-pie. Organists really are good with their hands!""Not so bad yourself," he panted. "Wow. I enjoyed that immensely! You're quite a lass, Mia.""I'd like to see you play the organ," she said, stepping out of the shower and reaching for a towel."I need to get my breath back first!" He laughed, as Mia began playfully drying him off. "God, you're an eager little beaver aren't you?""Hee hee. Yes, but what I meant was, I'd like to see you play the church organ. I've not been inside a church for years. Jenna said that St Michael's is cool.""It's a nice church." I wonder what else she's told her? Gordon thought. "Why not come along to the Sunday service? You can see me in action there, so to speak. After the service, you can have a go on the organ if you'd like. Do you play any musical instruments?""Guitar and violin, but I've not practiced for ages.""Ah, so strings are your thing? That's good. It'd be nice to have a violinist in the choir. One of the choristers plays the trumpet. Which keeps him from singing and I'm glad of it as his voice is bloody awful."Mia sniggered. "You're funny, Gordy-pie. I really like you. Are all organists as fun as you?""Nay lass. I'm one of a kind. He pulled her close and kissed her neck and lips. He was an incredible kisser, and she was curious to know more about him."Are you married?""Long divorced," came his reply. "I'm married to the pipe organ, as they say." He wondered if Jenna had mentioned anything about their various liaisons over the past year, and was about to say something, when the bathroom door suddenly opened."Jen! Ever thought of knocking before entering?" Mia gasped, covering herself with a towel."I can't leave you alone for five minutes can I?" She turned to Gordon, who grinned sheepishly at her."Um, hello!""Funny place to have organ lessons, Gordon," Jenna said, as she watched him squirm."Gordy-pie was just showing me how good an organist is with his hands, weren't you?" Mia said, kissing him. "And you know what, he's amazing!""Oh I'm well aware of how good he is," Jenna replied, folding her arms.Sensing disapproval, Gordon attempted to explain. "It just happened. I didn't know your cousin was here," he prattled. "I put the plant pots in the yard, went into the kitchen and she was just there, wearing nothing but a towel!""You don't need to explain yourself, Gordy-pie. We've not done anything wrong," Mia said. "We're both single. Why are you so uptight, Jenna? Is it because we're in the vicarage? Is that like, a sin or something?"Jenna was in no position to claim the moral high ground. "No, no of course not. I was, just a bit surprised, that's all. It's fine. Just, try to be a bit more discreet, Mia. What if Simon had walked in?""Oh I'm sure the good reverend would approve," Gordon smiled, winking at her.The perceptive Mia noticed his gesture and wondered what he was hinting at."Jenna took a deep breath. "Okay, well I'm going to have a coffee. I'll leave you to get dressed. Do you want a drink, Gordon?""A tea would be lovely. I'm parched. Thanks!""I'll have tea as well, please." Mia added.Jenna left the bathroom."She's acting weird," Mia said. "There's something she's not telling me."Oh boy, wait until you find out, Gordon thought. Your mind will be blown."Maybe she's a bit envious!" Gordon said as he picked up his clothes, and wondered where his underpants had gone."Can I keep these, Gordy-pie?" Mia giggled, holding up his white briefs."Think they're too big for you!""I don't want to wear them. I want to keep them under my pillow and sniff them at night.""In that case, they're all yours! But I want your knickers in return!""Fair's fair!" She tossed him her pale pink cotton undies to him."Thanks!""I loved our shower time," Mia said, kissing him again. "And I loved your big cock. You're a sexy man, Gordy-pie.""Gordy-pie hopes Mia-pie can play with his organ again very soon!" the organist replied as they got dressed and headed downstairs.Jenna brought them both a cup of tea as they sat down in the lounge."Gordon, you're not going to put up with her calling you that cringey nickname are you?" she said, handing him the cup."I like it. It's cute," he said, as Mia rested her head on his shoulder."It's childish. If someone had called you that a year ago, you'd have bitten their head off. You used to have a terrible temper.""Ah well that was before I saw the light," he said, sipping his tea. "When you, showed me the way." He smiled at Jenna as she sat opposite them. "For that, you know I am forever grateful," he added."Did you become a born again Christian like Jenna, Gordy-pie?" Mia asked."I've always been a Christian," Gordon replied. "I just sin a lot, that's all. As we all do, right?" He raised an eyebrow at the vicar's wife. "But we keep praying for forgiveness every week, and luckily for us, God is the forgiving sort, eh?"The front door opened and Reverend Morris came in."Good lord, I need a large brandy!" He gasped, tossing the car keys on the table."What I have seen, can't be unseen, and what I've heard, can't be unheard!""Whatever's the matter Simon?" Jenna said, standing up."You were right, Jen. Gladys Wilcox and the churchwarden. They're, at it!""Told you so," Jenna said. "Actual sex? I'm not being ageist but can Gladys manage that at her age?""No. Regular vanilla sex would've been easier to deal with. Actually, I think gerbilling would be easier to deal with. But seeing Norman, naked in her backyard, wearing a pinny and being struck on his arse with a riding crop,”Jenna cleared her throat, trying to silence him, given that they had company." She treats him like a slave and he enjoys it!" The vicar continued, unaware there was an audience. "And there's more. She knows about the storeroom threesome, and you won't believe this, she proudly told me, that sometime during Lent, she performed oral sex on Gordon.""Ahem. Simon, shush, we've got," Jenna cringed. "Wait, what? She gave Gordon oral?"Mia's jaw dropped."Sucked him off whilst he was sat at the church organ! She'd wanted him to be her slave, but he declined. So she set her sights on Norman instead. Well we both know Gordon prefers a younger woman, right?" He turned round, and noticed Gordon sat on the settee, and Mia sat next to him."Oh, good afternoon Gordon!""I brought those plant pots you wanted," the organist meekly uttered.Later,Jenna and Reverend Morris sat on the settee watching an episode of Father Brown, although neither were really paying attention to it."I can't get that image out of my head. Gladys giving Gordon a blowjob and whipping Norman's bare buttocks. I know we've, engaged in some naughtiness, but I never imagined one of the oldest members of the church was into that sort of thing!""Good for her," Jenna replied. "Kinkiness aside, it's nice for her to have Norman as a lodger. I mean, she lives alone and in this day and age, older people can feel vulnerable. I know Gladys misses her hubby a lot.""Oh Bert. Yes. He was dead long before I came to St Michaels. Bishop George told me more about him. He was the organist before Gordon took over. Apparently he was quite a character.""I'm sure he was. And the current organist seems to be going the same way.""Jen, you seem a bit unhappy about Gordon having intercourse with your cousin today. Is that because you're protective of her or because of, well, I know how close you are to him?"Jenna sighed. "Oh Simon. I'm ashamed of myself. I actually felt jealous when I saw the two of them together. How selfish is that? After everything you did for me last year when it was my birthday, and you gladly accepted my dalliances with the other male members of the church. Can you forgive me? I wish to say a prayer of forgiveness."The vicar took his wife's hands in his. "Of course I can, my love. And I understand how you feel. You see, with Mia here, I think you've got something you've never had to deal with before.""What's that?""A rival!"Mia was eavesdropping from the staircase. A mischievous grin formed on her face as she listened."Holy shit, Jenna's had more men than Elton John's had wigs. She had the nerve to have a go at me for seducing Tom. And she's slept with Gordon too? No wonder she looked so tense. Ha! And sweet, Reverend Simon is okay with that? That's not what it teaches in the Bible, surely?"She slipped back to her bedroom."Let us pray together," Reverend Morris said."Father, I return to You with my sins before me. Nowadays, I lack compassion for my brother and sisters, my eyes are clouded with wrongdoings my heart is against. Opposing Your Words, I sinned and done evil in Your eyes. I drained myself off Your kindness and followed my worldly desires. Father, guide me as You are right in Your verdict and justified in Your judgment. Do not leave me astray as I pray for a blissful life with You and a life free of evil. In Your Mercy, I pray.Amen."-(Luke 15:18, Psalm 51:3-4)"I feel better," Jenna said, opening her eyes. She ran a finger down her husband's cheek. "Simon, let's go to bed. Mia's asleep. The guest bedroom is right at the other end of the landing. She won't hear us. Tonight I need my Vicar's touch,”"What a good idea! All this talk of Gladys Wilcox getting her hands on men's dicks, I'd quite like some hands on mine!"A Girl With FantasiesMia lay back on the bed in the darkness, her mind buzzing with the events of the day. Reaching under the pillow, she pulled out the pair of Gordon's briefs."Enjoyed you, Gordy-pie! You were a total sweetie."She sighed, pressing the crotch of the underwear against her nose and inhaling deeply, whilst fingering herself with her other hand. Gordon's undies bore a pleasant, musky, manly scent, a faint mark which she assumed was pre-cum, and a couple of wiry grey pubic hairs. Perfect. Knowing that the organist's thick cock had been snugly contained within was enough to make her climax again. She wondered if he was wanking off and sniffing her knickers."Hope he likes mine too." She wanted to see the organist again, as sex with him had been amazing, but Mia had her sights set on a bigger prize - and this one wore a clerical collar.InsomniaGordon was in bed, but having difficulty sleeping. His mind was a complete whirl. He reflected how in the past year, he'd gone from being completely sex-starved, to having more sex than he'd ever had during a whole fifteen years of marriage, and during his late teens, when he'd been a horny youth, desperate to sleep with any woman. In the Eighties, those halcyon pre-Internet days, just stumbling across a discarded porn magazine in the bushes was more valuable than gold. He remembered his time at university, when he used to spy on the nurses undressing at a nearby hospital.He chuckled as he remembered losing his virginity to his piano teacher - whilst she was giving him a tour of Blackpool Tower ballroom. He credited her with starting his interest in wanting to play organs,"Look at me now," he said out loud. "I got seduced by a woman young enough to be my daughter. Who is now the vicar's wife. I fucked a Ukrainian woman in the church. I've been fucking the vicar's wife every week in the church. I took part in a threesome with her and the vicar. I and several other men gave her a facial in the church. I got my dick sucked by an eighty-six year old pensioner too. Now I'm fucking the eighteen-year old cousin of the vicar's wife, and exchanging underwear with her."He reached for the pair of pink knickers and gave them a good sniff, stroking his cock at the same time. The crotch had dried, but earlier it had been wet and sticky with Mia's pussy juices. A heavenly scent."The world is a bloody mess right now, but I'd say my life is pretty good," he smiled. "I hope Mia wants to see me again. She's a lovely, horny little thing. I hope she comes to church this Sunday."He wanked himself off happily, before slipping into a blissful slumber. For the first time in a year, he dreamt of a woman other than Jenna.
Jenna's teenage cousin turns up at the vicarage.A Series in 17 parts, by Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. It was the second Sunday after Trinity. Over at St Michael's vicarage, the morning eucharist had finished and Reverend Morris and his wife Jenna were discussing the upcoming events in the church calendar."Josh gets ordained next month, so that'll be a fun occasion. Big party over at his place. He's so excited for that day to come. It's been remarkable how he's come out of his shell. When he joined our church as curate a year ago, he was so nervous and shy. Now look at him." Reverend Morris said."He's a real asset to the church," Jenna replied, sipping a coffee, as she read through the church newsletter. "I like to think that I, helped build up his confidence a bit.""Oh you certainly did, I'm sure," the vicar said, oblivious to what his wife was referring to. "Now, apart from that big event, there's not much happening in July. I'm adding the study of the Book of Exodus in the services. Last year's summer study of Genesis went down a treat,”The sound of the doorbell interrupted him."I wonder who that can be?" Reverend Morris said, hurrying out of the living room. "If it's Gordon, he's early. He said he would call round at 2."He opened the front door. A slim young woman around eighteen or nineteen, stood on the doorstep. Brunette hair that was in pigtails. Huge brown eyes like Bambi. She was dressed in a low cut pink peasant top, tight cow-print shorts and ballet shoes. By her side was a suitcase and hold-all."Hello. Can I help you?" Reverend Morris said."Um," the woman began, in a nervous voice. "Mr., um, Reverend Morris. Is, Jenna in? I'm Mia, her cousin.""Oh really? Gosh, well do come in, you're very welcome! You look loaded up there, let me give you a hand." He ushered her inside and carried her luggage."Jen! You've got a visitor!"Jenna looked up and her eyes widened. "Mia?""Hello CJ," Mia said, with a sheepish grin.Reverend Morris blinked."Cousin Jenna," Jenna replied."Ah," He understood."What are you doing here? Last I heard you were at Salford uni.""It's a long story," Mia sighed, as Reverend Morris gestured for her to sit on the settee. "Um, I quit.""Oh no," Jenna said. "What happened?""Oh Jen, it was awful. I just couldn't settle into university life at all. I made a mistake choosing that Art and Design course. It wasn't for me. The lectures stressed me out, but worst of all was the bullying." She dabbed at imaginary tears in her eyes with a tissue. "Nine months and I just couldn't cope with it any longer, so I jacked it in."Jenna was about to say something, but her husband cut in."You poor thing. God, if there's one thing I hate, it's bullying. Sad that it occurs in all walks of life. A nasty part of human nature."Noticing the reverend had been completely taken in by Mia's story, Jenna cleared her throat. "What did your parents say?"There was an awkward pause."You haven't told them, have you?""Are you serious Jen? Mum will go nuclear if she finds out. I'm just not ready to deal with that, yet. She was so proud when I got in that place. Dad will be more understanding but, look, I have a favor to ask. Can I stay with you for, a bit? I used up my last bit of cash on the train fare. I'm broke and I have nowhere to stay. I can't face going back to my parents. They'll treat me like a kid. Please? I won't be any bother. I'll do housework for you, I'll,”"Of course you can stay!" Reverend Morris smiled. "Our vicarage is always available to those who need it. We have a spare bedroom." He turned to Jenna. "We had Bishop George staying with us during Lent, remember? I'm sure your cousin can't be a worse lodger than him. She looks like she's gone through a tough few months."Powerless to refuse, Jenna reluctantly agreed. Oh Simon, you sweet, naive man. You have no idea what you're letting yourself in for! She thought."Oh you mean it? I can stay? Oh; thank you so much, Reverend!""Simon. You can call me Simon!" Reverend Morris replied. "It's nice to finally get to meet you, Mia. I know you and Jenna drifted apart a bit when your parents moved, but it's so nice when relatives reunite, isn't it?" the reverend said as he went to pick up the luggage."If only everyone could be as nice as you and Jenna!" Mia gushed.Jenna pulled a face at her cousin and whispered to her. "You are so dead, cousin!""Right, well, I'll introduce you to your new room!” Simon said as he returned holding all the bags. “This way! I'll carry your stuff for you." Reverend Morris carried up the suitcase and hold-all."Your hubby is a total gent," Mia whispered to Jenna."Oh, you might be able to fool him, but you're not fooling me," Jenna replied. "As soon as he's gone out later, you are going to tell me everything."Reverend Morris led Mia upstairs and down the long landing. Mia walked right by his side looking something between an infatuated schoolgirl gazing at her crush and a timid little lamb sticking close to the shepherd. At eighteen, Mia was very aware of the effect she had on men. Her Bambi eyes, teamed with the brunette hair, gave her an innocent look that convinced boys and men alike that she couldn't possibly know what effect she was having on them. But she knew quite well, and she loved the things she could get by putting her skills to good use."Here we are," Reverend Morris said, opening the bedroom door at the end. "It's not massive, but it's got a pleasant view overlooking the garden."Mia walked in. The room was nicely decorated. Instead of the usual neutral color scheme of magnolia, the walls were painted in very pale blue, with white ceiling and a sandy colored carpet. Instead of curtains, a white window blind, as was the current trend. A single bed, chest of drawers and ladder desk and chair made up the furniture."I don't know why I painted this room blue, it always looks so cold, and it doesn't really match the carpet. No wardrobe, but there's a full chest of drawers and the bed is a divan, with two storage compartments you can put your bits and bobs in. There's a hook on the back of the door if you need to hang some clothes up.""Oh I love it!" Mia said, smiling at him. "It's like being at the beach. The floor is sand and the walls are the sea. It's so restful and appealing. Really brings out my creative side. I think I could do lots of painting and drawing in here.""I'm glad you like it. Jenna and I want you to feel comfortable and safe here. Charity is so important to Christians like us.""Oh yes, I understand Rev, um, Simon. And I am so grateful. Um, do I have to start going to church? I mean I was raised in a Christian home but I sort of drifted,” Mia said, giving him a coquettish look.""Ha, no worries! We're not going to force you to attend a Sunday service or anything so relax. Whether you're a believer or not, everyone is catered for in our vicarage. We don't judge.""Jenna told me that your church is a nice one," Mia said, gazing at the reverend. He's rather average in looks but this guy is a total sweetie I can tell. Not an ounce of malice in him. Jenna's really landed on her feet with this one."She's right! St Michael's is a lovely place of worship. I'm very honored to be its vicar. Of course it wasn't always like that, but I like to think that I've really turned things round and made a difference. I credit Jenna for helping me in, many ways," he continued, and Mia noted the pause.Wonder what he means by that? She thought.He continued. "I took over in 2019 after the sudden death of the previous vicar, Reverend Smith. Talk about being thrown in at the deep end. Only a few months later, the pandemic happened. What a stressful time that was."Mia nodded patiently."Sorry, I'm prattling on! I'll leave you to get sorted out. I talk too much. Always in sermon mode,”"That's alright, Simon. I'm sure your sermons are really interesting." Mia said, flattering him some more."Ah well, haven't heard too many snores in the aisles of late.""I really appreciate you helping me like this," Mia said, sitting on the bed. "I just don't know how I was going to cope. And I want to pay my way. I suppose I'll have to apply for Universal Credit. What with the cost of living crisis and everything. Not sure if there are any jobs going in this town? I don't know this area at all and I can't drive,”"One step at a time, Mia. let's get you settled in first.""I really do want to work. Is there anything I could do at your church?"Reverend Morris scratched the back of his head and sat down next to her."Well, it's mostly volunteer work there, which is no good when you need an income, oh wait a minute, Norman the churchwarden mentioned that the church hall needs a cleaner, 10 hours a week. It's only a five minute walk from here. We had one of the Sunday school teacher's lads doing it, but I confess he rarely turned up and was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. I was disappointed in Jordan, as the pay was pretty good for an entry-level job.""I'll do that job! I'd love to do that!" Mia said. "Oh please say yes!""Hmm, well let me talk it over with Jenna first, and Norman. Cleaning is a bit boring. You'd be required to put out chairs and tables too. They're only lightweight folding ones, so no dangerous lifting of heavy stuff or anything. But Norman will be able to tell you more about what's involved. We have a lot of functions held in the hall, not just church stuff. Monday is badminton class. Tuesday it's the over-60s hot yoga. Wednesday is the midweek eucharist, so it's tea and coffee morning. Thursday and Friday you get two days off as nothing happens then. Saturday is the local amateur dramatics group. Oh and Sunday, the most important day of all, is the main service at church, and a social gathering afterwards.""Oh I just love cleaning up," Mia said. "Tidiness is good for mental health you know. It keeps your mind occupied." She slid a bit closer to him."You're really enthusiastic aren't you?" Well If your heart's set on it, I'm sure I can pull a few strings and get you in. Don't want you to feel like your talents are being wasted in what I consider to be just a casual job though.""To be honest, I never had any idea what I wanted to do when I left school," Mia continued. "I never wanted to go to uni. I feel like such a failure for quitting.""Don't put yourself down," he said, reassuring her. "Sometimes God has a different path for us. And you can't stay somewhere that's making you unhappy. It takes guts to break away from a path that someone else has set for you. I can tell you have a great attitude. Your talents obviously lie elsewhere. In time, I'm sure you'll find something you truly excel at.""I do hope so," Mia said, pouting at him. She leaned in closer, but the moment was broken by the sound of the landline phone ringing downstairs."Oh that reminds me, I need to call on one of the flock." He stood up. "I'll leave you to unpack Mia. If you need anything, I'm sure Jenna can assist you. I have to go out. I'll see you later. Take care!"He hurried out of the bedroom."I think I'm gonna love it here," Mia giggled to herself. "I think I need to, repair my relationship with God." She gave the most mischievous of grins as she flopped back in bed."But I also plan on sinning, a lot!"Reverend Morris rushed down the stairs."That was the garage on the phone," Jenna said, putting down the receiver. "My car's passed its MOT and ready to be collected.""Great. I'll drop you off there as I just remembered I promised Gladys Wilcox I'd take her a copy of that paperback I recommended at last week's service. Hills of the North by Jenny Talwartz." He rummaged around on the coffee table and held up the book in question. "A thrilling tale set in rural England, about passion, blackmail and a woman's fulfilling journey to find romance and regain her faith.""Sounds a good one.""It got rave reviews on Amazon. I was worried it might be a bit too racy for some of the older members of the congregation. I haven't had chance to read it yet but apparently it contains violence and several sex scenes.""Right up Gladys Wilcox's alley I'd say," Jenna replied, grinning. "I keep telling you, there's something kinky going on between her and the churchwarden. Okay, give me five minutes, and I'll be ready. Need to have a quick word with our non-paying guest.""You're alright with her staying, aren't you? Sorry, I tend to just dive in and say yes to everything. Your cousin seems like such a lovely person.""I don't mind, but she's not the innocent little thing you think she is," Jenna said. "Oh she's not a criminal or anything, but she can be a bit, indiscreet at times.""Aren't we all a bit like that at eighteen? Not much life experience to fall back on.""Hmm, I suppose. I will phone Aunt Kathleen later and let her know that Mia's staying here. I'd better prepare to gently break the bad news that her daughter won't be getting those letters after her name."Mia was admiring herself in the wall mirror when Jenna came in, and closed the bedroom door."Alright you. Now how about giving me the whole truth about why you quit uni? You're good, but your acting skills need work. Better make it quick as Simon's waiting to give me a lift to the garage, so spill."The brunette took a deep breath. "Alright. Look, don't give me too much grief. I did something wrong and that's why I had to quit.""What happened?""I seduced my lecturer and slept with him."She gasped. "You did what?" After the initial shock, Jenna couldn't help but admire her cousin's brazen attitude. Seeing as she herself had seduced several men from the church, plus a former Catholic priest, and most recently, the town mayor. Not to mention there were her weekly "organ lessons" with Gordon,"So he was old enough to be my dad. Maybe grandad. He was like, late fifties or something. But he was so hot. Older men really turn me on. You must know how that feels. I mean, your husband is way older than you, right?""Yeah. I'm twenty-one and he's forty." Jenna admitted. "Eighteen and late fifties is one hell of an age gap though.""I know. Oh but Jen. Tom was such a sexy man. Just the type I like. He was a smoker, but not a heavy one. Kind of used to turn me on, smelling smoke on his breath. It added to the attraction, as weird as that sounds. The sex was amazing. Older men are just sexier,”Jenna gave a dreamy sigh. "Yep they are. Can't disagree with you there. Realizing she suddenly had a lot more in common with her cousin, she sat down next to her. "Tell me more about Tom."And so Mia gave her chapter and verse on her spicy adventures at Salford.
Easter at St. Michael's: Part 2Gordon is reunited with an old crush.Based on a post by Blacksheep, in 2 parts. Listen to the ► Podcast at Steamy Stories. The monthly Mother's Union meeting was taking place at Gladys Wilcox's bungalow. There was much to discuss, mainly tomorrow's Easter Sunday service. However the main topic of conversation was the vicar's phallus."He was just standing there, starkers! Swinging, I tell you, swinging. It was like a boa constrictor poking out of a tree. I didn't know where to look!" Mrs. Harris exclaimed."Wish I could've been there," Mrs. Wilcox replied."Really, Gladys!""Well at our age there's not much opportunity for those sorts of thrills is there?" She grinned and glanced at Norman the churchwarden, who said nothing and awkwardly sipped his coffee. Being the only man there, he felt uncomfortable sitting through this, but Mrs. Wilcox had insisted he attend."How come he was naked?" Another woman asked."Said he'd been having a shower, but I know a lie when I see one. If you ask me, him and his wife had been; you know;""Having a quickie?" Mrs. Wilcox replied. Norman almost choked on his coffee, remembering that 21st birthday surprise the vicar had arranged for Jenna in the church, sixteen months ago."Yes, exactly!""You know something, Maureen, I was chatting to Maud Finch, on the bus the other day. Now she lives on Haddock Street, in one of those council houses that overlook the railway line. She tells me that groups of drunk young men are forever going up on that opposite embankment and mooning at passing trains.""Has she made a complaint?""Why on earth would she want to do that?" Mrs. Wilcox spluttered. "I said to her, I'll call round later this week and I'll bring a pair of binoculars!"Over on the other side of town, at 64 Stovepipe Avenue, Gordon Leesmith yawned and sat up in bed. He squinted at the alarm clock. It was ten thirty."Oh Gord, you lazy bugger," he said to himself, stretching his arms. He hadn't intended on having such a long lie-in. Myah had gone to work hours ago. She'd been working Saturdays the past few weeks, covering for Kate, a work colleague who was recovering from major abdominal surgery.Gordon staggered out of bed and scratched his belly as he peered out of the window. The weather seemed reasonable today. The past week had seen some very unsettled conditions, with sunny spells and frequent heavy showers, so typical of British springtime."I'd better get a move on. I promised Myah I'd cook tonight and there's not a bite of food in the house." Gordon didn't relish the prospect of going to the supermarket during the Easter weekend. Every shop was crammed. Besides, he wanted to head to the church and spend an hour practicing on the organ ready for tomorrow's special service. He'd have the church all to himself for once. He relished this temporary period of calm. Easter was always busy for the organist. As well as his full-time job repairing organs, he'd had to play the Wednesday Eucharist, the Maundy Thursday service, yesterday's Good Friday evening service and on Sunday, it was the big one. At least he could rest his fingers on Monday's bank holiday."Can't wait to jet off next month," he muttered, as he hurriedly dressed himself and brewed a cup of tea. He'd booked a week's holiday in Tenerife for himself and Myah. Their first holiday together and they were really looking forward to it. Gordon wasn't one for culture, eco-tourism or trailing round ancient ruins. Sun, sea and all-inclusive hotels were his idea of paradise. Myah had never been to the Canary Islands. He hoped she wouldn't be too bored just lounging on the beach or by the pool all day. He'd booked an adults-only hotel, the four star Golden Vista in Playa de las Americas. It had excellent reviews on TripAdvisor.Meanwhile, at the vicarage;Reverend Morris was in turmoil. "Maureen Harris has got a right mouth on her. Who needs social media when you've got a pensioner who's Britain's answer to Hedda Hopper?""Simon, you're worrying unnecessarily," Jenna said. "You've not done anything wrong. You were in your own home and you didn't know she was there.""Oh, I don't know. I'm the parish vicar and I just accidentally exposed myself in front of an elderly member of my congregation. Can't say I'm too thrilled about that.""Maureen shouldn't have walked in. She was in the wrong. Said she knocked, but when nobody answered, she should've given up and gone.""And I should've locked the front door! I bet she's told everyone at the Mother's Union that she saw me nude!"Jenna shrugged. "So, she saw your cock. I bet many other ladies wish they could've been so lucky!"Gordon parked up on the Tesco Express car park. As expected, the place was heaving with people rushing to get last-minute groceries. Tubs of cut-price garden fence paint were piled up outside the store. As he was looking at these, he heard someone call his name."Gordon? Gordon Leesmith. Is it you?"He spun round in surprise. A tall, slim woman, late sixties at a guess, and with silvery hair cut into a sleek bob, was stood next to him. She was dressed in a long, pale grey coat with fur-lined collar. Underneath, a skirt or dress of some sort, black tights and ankle boots."Uh, hello? Yes, I'm Gordon Leesmith. Who are you?"The woman chuckled. "Oh dear. I really have changed haven't I? You don't remember me, do you?"Gordon blinked as he studied her face carefully, then he let out a gasp."Harriet; Harriet Fairfax?""Guilty!"Gordon was too stunned to speak at first, but he quickly composed himself. After so many years, here was the woman he'd lost his virginity to, way back one summer night in 1985, when he was just eighteen. His former piano teacher!"Oh God! I can't believe it! I; I, it's so wonderful to see you again! I always wondered what happened to you, Harriet. The last time we met was in 1988, when I'd just got my ARCO diploma. After that, you; well, vanished.""That's a long story. Come, let's go and have a coffee. We've both got a lot to catch up on. I'm only here until Tuesday, then I'm flying back home.""You live abroad?""I emigrated to Australia when I got married.""Blimey. I think I need more than a coffee. I know a good place." He took her arm in his and they headed across the road."You certainly have grown in confidence," Harriet smiled. "I always knew you would."At a small pub in the town center, Gordon sipped an overpriced beer and listened intently as Harriet filled him in on her life story. He felt a lump in his throat as she told him of her marriage to Graham, an Australian musician she'd met shortly after Gordon's fateful night in Blackpool Tower."I suppose my head was well and truly turned. I was blinded by love. You have to remember back then in the Eighties, a single woman, mid-thirties and childless, well I was seen as being left on the shelf. Graham seemed the perfect man; and as I was never close to my parents, I figured here was my one chance to have a new start. New country, new job. So we settled in Perth. I started work as a music teacher. Loved it. Work was bliss. Unfortunately, marriage to Graham was anything but.""Was he unfaithful?" Gordon asked."No. I would've preferred it if he was. He was abusive. It's because of him that I have partial hearing in my right ear. The beatings got so bad; he beat me black and blue. Even when I was pregnant."Tears pricked Gordon's eyes. "Bastard. Oh God, Harriet. I'm so sorry. Tell me you managed to leave him?""Didn't need to. He took it upon himself to commit suicide one evening. I came back from work and found him swinging in the garage. August 11th, 1997. What a day to remember, eh? He'd always been a heavy drinker. I found out he'd run up massive debts, got himself fired.""Dear God. How did you cope?""Well friends and neighbors rallied round. I'm lucky. I'm one of those people who makes friends easily. I had a good support network. Besides, I had to stay strong, for the sake of my boys, Daniel and Ryan; only got Ryan now."She paused and Gordon wondered whether he should press her further."Daniel; died. He was twelve. A total sweetheart. You see, he was born with Down's Syndrome. Graham never coped with it. He was the loveliest, most gentle boy. Everyone who met him just adored his sunny nature. He loved animals and music. But Graham ignored him. Ryan came along three years later. He's able-bodied. Actually that's why I'm over here. I've been visiting Ryan. He's thirty now. Works as a concert pianist. I'm so proud of him. He's fiercely independent. Doesn't need me fussing over him, but we're still close. This is the last time I'll be flying here. I can't handle these long haul flights any more, now that I'm almost seventy-four. Never did like flying. He'll be the one flying over to see me next time.""You look amazing," Gordon quickly blurted out, wiping his eyes."Heh, thanks.""I'm so sorry you've had to endure all that, Harriet," Gordon sniffed, placing his hand on hers."Thanks for being a good listener. Hey and I'm a survivor. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?""So; you didn't re-marry?""Nah. After Graham died, I focused on being a mum. I got used to being single. Although ten years ago, I met Ray. He's widowed like me and a few years older. He's a total gentleman, bless him. I can't say he excites me sexually. I hope this doesn't sound too mean; he's a bit boring, but at my age, I'm past all that. It's just nice to have someone who's dependable and kind."Gordon nodded. Looking at Harriet, he thought she still looked very attractive. She'd aged well, despite the heartache she'd gone through. A surge of excitement rushed through him."Anyways Gordon, I've prattled on about myself for too long! Tell me what you've been up to all these years!"Without wanting to bore her, Gordon gave a rundown of his life. From his marriage to Marjorie, to her cheating on him and then divorcing him, to becoming organist and choirmaster at St Michael's church, to meeting Myah. He chose to omit any mention of Jenna, the stunning vicar's wife who he'd bedded countless times before Myah arrived on the scene."She's very attractive," Harriet said as Gordon showed her a photo on his smartphone. "You look so happy together. Do you'll think you'll have children in future?""It's a possibility, given that she's much younger than me. Marjorie was adamant she never wanted children. I respected that. I confess I've never given much thought to becoming a dad. But if Myah does want to become a mum, then I'll be up for it.""About the age gap. It's a large one. Has that presented any problems?""It did at first. Her parents were furious. Some hurtful things were said, but her mother and I eventually came to an understanding. Most people at church have been okay but there were a couple of exceptions. It upset me when my cousin Barry called me a "borderline nonce." He was only joking, but it hurt. She'll be twenty in July. Myah was the one who pursued me, not the other way round;""Perhaps Barry was jealous of you. But yes, that was a crass thing to say. Well Gordon, there's one thing I want to experience before I head back Down Under."His eyes widened. "Really? What's that?""I want to see and hear you play a pipe organ! You showed such skill and talent way back in 1985;" she winked at him and he felt that surge of excitement again."Funnily enough, I was planning to have a practice at church today. Tomorrow's a big day, being Easter Sunday. We've got two choirs singing. Care to join me on a trip to St Michael's? It's only a five minute walk from here."The Mother's Union meeting was drawing to a close, but poor Norman could bear it no longer. Mrs. Wilcox was still questioning Mrs. Harris on a certain part of the vicar's anatomy."Ladies, please excuse me; I really need to; er, relieve myself. Thank you for your company and I'll see you at church tomorrow!""Oh yes, take care Norman!" they replied, oblivious to his embarrassment."That's a fine lodger you've got yourself, Gladys. Now I tend to view men as nothing more than useless articles, but he is a true Christian.""Oh he truly is, Maureen. We have such wonderful times together. He was very easy to train!"At St Michael's church, Gordon gave Harriet a quick tour, before leading her to the organ."This is a beautiful church," she said. "That's one thing I miss about living in Australia. All of the churches there are recent by comparison. There isn't the history. Oh there are some lovely ones, but it's not the same. This one goes back to medieval times. I love old buildings.""Yes, it's a nice church. Good community here too. I get on so well with the vicar. Reverend Morris is a good egg. His sermons are rather tedious, but nobody's perfect, eh?" He sat on the organ stool. "Here she is! What do you think?""She's a beauty, Gordon. Three manuals, and the pipework is incredible. A large organ for such a small church.""Aye, she's a grand old lass. I gave her a complete overhaul in January. Replaced some of the big flue pipes. Now she sounds better than ever." He switched on the lamp above the manuals."Very handy having an organist who can fix organs as well as play them. That's a very specialized job, isn't it?""Pretty much. Right; what would you like me to play?"Harriet removed her thick coat and slid onto the stool next to him."Hmm. It's an overplayed piece of music, but I've always liked The Entertainer. You played that for me when you used to come for lessons, remember?""Ah yes. I remember!"As he began to play, Harriet glanced at her former student, no longer a gauche, skinny teenager but a stocky, fifty-six year old man, with silver hair. He had a paunch, but it suited him. He'd grown into his looks and actually looked better now than when he was eighteen. She ran a finger across her chin, and carefully considered her next move. He truly had become a very gifted organist.Gordon was halfway through playing, when a hand on his thigh made him play a wrong note. He stopped and looked down."Umm;""No-one must find out about this." Harriet whispered."Well Myah's at work; and I don't think Ray can see what we're up to from the other side of the world;" Gordon stammered. He couldn't believe history was repeating itself."An old girl like me can still get all hot and bothered seeing an attractive younger man," she teased. Her thigh was pressing against his and his cock was starting to respond."Uh; Harriet," Gordon mumbled, and once again he was transported back to 1985, and was that shy, awkward teenager again. "I; just want you to know. You were my first major crush. Well; I'd fancied other girls, but you; well you just; did it for me.""I'm so glad to hear you say that, Gordon. You were the only student I ever felt attracted to. Truth is, at the time, I was feeling rather sorry for myself and unattractive. When I found out you had a crush on me, it was an incredible turn-on. To be desired by a much-younger man. I knew the whole time.""Guess I wasn't that good at being discreet," Gordon replied.
New Zealand England Daily, 2nd Test, Wellington Day 3: That's a paddlin. Blimey. And just like that England have romped home. Joe Root and Tom Blundell make tons, but it's England's match and series. Their first in New Zealand since 2008. Jeremy Coney and Cameron Ponsonby review the highs and lows for each team respectively. Come to our live shows! Brisbane December 12 Melbourne December 22 Sydney January 7 Tickets at linktr.ee/thefinalword This Is Hypnobirthing Insta @thisishypnobirthing Or email: hello@thisishypnobirthing.com if you/someone you know is having a baby and you reckon this would help them, as it did Rach and Adam when they had their girls. Support the show with a Nerd Pledge at patreon.com/thefinalword Maurice Blackburn Lawyers - fighting for the rights of workers since 1919: mauriceblackburn.com.au Sort your super with CBUS on their 40th birthday: cbussuper.com.au Find previous episodes at finalwordcricket.com Title track by Urthboy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Vicar's wife, Jenna, decides to give up sex for Lent!A series in 17 parts, by Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. The Jenna series started with ‘Jenna Goes To Church', followed shortly after with ‘Jenna, the Vicar's Wife'. It resumed recently with Jenna's New Year'; and now it continues with a Lentil 2-part story. Other episodes will follow.It was the last Sunday of Shrovetide, known as Quinquagesima. At St. Michael's Church, Reverend Morris had amassed a pile of old palm crosses, intending to burn them on Ash Wednesday."Shouldn't be long before the first members of the faithful arrive," he said to his wife Jenna, who was adjusting the flowers at the side of the pulpit."Oh before I forget, I've got something for you to burn on Ash Wednesday," she smiled, handing him a pair of her panties."This is an unusual-looking palm cross!" He replied. "I think I'd better burn this separately from the others! Is there some reason why you want your undies reduced to ash?""Well Simon, I've been thinking. And I've finally decided what I'm going to give up for Lent.""You're giving up wearing underwear?""Ha-ha. Tempting, but no. I'm giving up sex."Reverend Morris almost dropped the box full of crosses. "What? Sex? No, you can't be serious!"Jenna nodded. "I'm 100% serious, my love. Lent is supposed to be hard, and you're always going on about how part of being a good Christian is making sacrifices and so on. It's traditionally a time of fasting and abstaining from something to repent and focus our hearts and minds on the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.""Yes, but within reason, Jen! I don't expect you to suffer hardship as bad as that!""I can do it, Simon. I'm committed to seeing it through. It's only forty days.""B-but, that's six weeks!" the vicar whined, looking as if his entire world was about to end. "I, I'm not sure I can, er, go without for so long!""Now Simon, you're a man of God. You're stronger than most. I know you can do this. And just think how wonderful it will be when Easter comes, everything in calf, bursting out in spring glory, sap rising, mating seasons beginning, shoots thrusting upwards, days getting longer, ""Vicars dying of horniness, " Reverend Morris sighed."Exactly. And it won't just be you going without. The other chaps of this church will have to go without as well!""Oh my goodness, Jenna. There's going to be a lot of frustration building up in this church! When you say no sex, does that mean, ""No physical contact whatsoever, my dearest! No blowjobs, no kissing, no cock in cunt, nada! Just like social distancing."Reverend Morris' lip was trembling. "Not even a kiss?""Nope. I'll be sleeping in the spare bedroom until Easter. I can blow you a kiss. And whilst we can't do anything involving physical contact, there are other naughty ways we can get through Lent.""Like what?""Use your imagination, Simon!"He thought for a moment. "So I'll have to make do with dating Rosie Palms until Easter?""If it helps you cope, yes!"The reverend took a deep breath. "You're absolutely right, Jenna. I can get through this. I admire you so much for deciding to have a sex ban. In fact, I think I love you even more, and I didn't think that possible!""Aww. Ditto." She kissed him. "We'll make the most of Shrove Tuesday," she added, with a wink. "I'm going to do some creative things with pancakes."He slipped his arms around her. "Remember that morning after the Candlemas service, when we got soaking wet in the rain and we just ravished each other once we got back to the vicarage?""Hee hee, yes. Or that time last month during that short holiday in Lincolnshire when we stayed in that weird hotel, and the ghost gatecrashed our passion?""Bit early in the morning for that, isn't it? Then again, I'm not complaining!" A voice shouted, and they both looked round. Gordon the organist had just arrived.Moments later, Josh the curate appeared."Morning guys!" Jenna smiled. She turned back to her husband. "You'd better get your robes on. Looks like some of the congregation are here already. I'll go and hand out some hymn books."He nodded and headed off to the vestry. "Forty days," he sighed. "God, .I will really need your help through this difficult time!"And just how were some of the other male members of St. Michael's Church going to cope for forty days without any 'spiritual guidance' from the vicar's wife?Shrove Tuesday (the eve of Lent)On Shrove Tuesday, Jenna spent all afternoon mixing pancake batter. It would've been quicker to buy some ready-made pancakes from Tesco, but where was the fun in that? She looked at the kitchen wall clock."Come on Simon, you're late. How long does a meeting with the Bishop take?"Her husband had been out all day. At last, she heard his car pull up on the drive."Good. Now the fun begins."The front door opened and Reverend Morris came rushing in. "Sorry I've been so long. Bishop George kept prattling on for ages and then coming back home there's been a road accident so I had to take the long way home, oh I see you've been busy!" He noticed his wife was completely naked except for an apron."Welcome home," she smirked. "It's time to flip some pancakes. Is my randy reverend able to provide some batter?"He licked his lips. "What sort of batter would you be requiring?""Hmm, let's see. That special 'anointing oil' you used during my 21st birthday?" She whirled a frying pan in her hand and flipped a pancake. "Here's one I prepared earlier."His hands found her shoulders, and turned her to face him. His hands moved up to cup her face and Jenna felt his lips close around hers in a tender kiss. She returned it with rising passion, slipping her tongue into his mouth. As their tongues danced, Jenna quickly unfastened her apron, letting it slide down over her smooth skin to the kitchen floor.She could hear Reverend Morris unfastening his own garments, and when he embraced her tightly, she felt his bare skin press against hers with delicious warmth. Her husband's mouth left her lips, trailing down her neck to her chest. He took a nipple in his mouth and teased the erect tip. It was perhaps the upcoming sex ban enhancing his senses, but Jenna's breasts had never felt so full, and had never tasted so sweet. His hands roamed down over her arse, savoring her curves.Reverend Morris moved back up her body, his lips playing over her breasts, then back up her neck. Jenna's hands slid down his chest and at last reached their goal. She gripped his throbbing member, took a few steps backward, pulling gently but firmly, and he promptly followed her. She felt the edge of the kitchen countertop meet her lower back, and she swiftly heaved herself on to the cool granite surface and lay back, spreading her legs.Reverend Morris had a sudden urge to taste his wife; his tongue met with her soft skin just above her clit, then down into her folds, tasting, discovering and exploring all that she had to offer. He began to suck and lick her clit. How he loved to worship at this altar.Jenna reached for the bowl of pancake batter. A wooden spoon was sticking out of the bowl. Without hesitation, she began spooning the batter down her breasts."It tastes alright," she murmured, placing a blob of batter on her husband's nose. "But it needs an extra ingredient, ""Umm, I think I can help you there.""Fuck me religiously, darling." Jenna said hoarsely.A pair of strong, silky legs wrapped around the vicar's arse. He lowered himself onto her and felt those glorious batter-coated breasts rub against his chest as he began thrusting into her. He tried to set a steady, leisurely pace to begin, but the legs around him urged him on faster and harder. Reverend Morris responded with enthusiasm, and within moments he was pounding into his wife with all his strength, mindful that after tonight he wouldn't be able to do this for six weeks."Yes, yes, oh my God yes, I've never felt anything like it!" Jenna moaned."Bloody hell, I'm coming, oh Jenna!" Reverend Morris yelled as his stream of hot cum filled up her cunt and flowed back out onto the kitchen countertop.Jenna lay back on the countertop, eyes closed. It was several minutes before her breathing had calmed enough for her to speak."Did I provide enough batter?" Reverend Morris asked."Your holy offering was more than generous!""Forty days without from this moment on. You've still time to change your mind.""I'm sticking to it, Simon. We'll get through Lent. We'll have to think up some creative contactless ways to get our rocks off."The smell of burning interrupted them. They both glanced at the stove. To Jenna's dismay, the pancake she'd been cooking had been virtually cremated in the frying pan."Oh dear," she said, gazing at the remains of the pancake, which now resembled a lump of coal."Now that's what I call a perfect burnt offering for Ash Wednesday!" Reverend Morris replied.The Organist is Entertained.Gordon Leesmith always looked forward to Thursday evening arriving. This was when he had organ practice at church, and for the past few months he'd been teaching Jenna to play the organ. These lessons were really just an excuse for a passionate romp with the stunning vicar's wife, who was always more than willing to get her hands on the organ in his trousers, rather than the church one.Gordon hummed to himself as he brewed himself a cup of tea. He checked the time. It was only just after midday. Six hours to go. He was impatient and horny, but in a very happy mood. He'd just returned from seeing his Primary Care physician. That in itself something of a miracle in modern Britain; and received good news. His benign prostate enlargement wasn't as bad as he'd feared. Despite being a bit overweight, the doctor had given him a clean bill of health. His blood pressure was low, and so was his cholesterol.Today was his birthday. He was fifty six. A year ago, Gordon had been a miserable, short-tempered man who didn't endear himself to anyone else in the church. Long-divorced, impotent and frustrated with being alone for so long, his life had turned upside down when a young woman by the name of Jenna Fox had started attending St. Michael's Church. A few months later, she'd turned her attentions to flirting with him. Never in a million years did Gordon think he'd end up getting his cock sucked by a stunning redhead whilst he sat on the organ stool.As Gordon sipped his tea, his phone vibrated."Oh, an email from Jenna," he smiled, checking the message.Happy Birthday Gordon! About tonight. I'm afraid I can't make tonight's organ practice. I won't be able to until Easter arrives. Thing is, I've chosen to give up sex for Lent. I know you won't to hear this and it's going to be so hard for me to stick to this, but you've got to test yourself and set a challenge, right? It's what being a Christian is all about. I truly hope you'll understand. But - that doesn't mean we can't still have some fun! Make sure you visit the church - I've left a birthday present for you on the organ stool, trust me, it'll see you through this hard time. And when Easter comes, Jesus won't be the only person that rises, wink wink. It'll be worth the wait, keep your organ pipe warm for me.Love Jenna. xxx"She's abstaining from sex?" Gordon almost dropped his cup of tea. "Wait, what? Oh no! This is a nightmare! I won't be able to have a fuck for six weeks? Bloody hell! I'll go round the bend, I can't even call on Yulia's mate Martika anymore. Damn it, why did she have to bugger off back to Ukraine?"He wasn't sure whether to scream or burst into tears, but after he overcame the initial shock, he took a deep breath and composed himself.
The February Church Trip continues.A Series in 17 parts, By Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. A statue is fine, too."What a night," Gordon groaned, as he sat down at the breakfast table with Ahmed and Barry. "I've never endured hell such as this. You'd get better treatment in prison than this hotel!""Fancy a ghost choosing to haunt your room," Barry chuckled. "Not sure who I should feel more sorry for, you or the ghost!""It's not funny Barry! I was almost bloody shitting myself. It was terrifying!" Gordon snapped back."Aye, the sight of you in your y-fronts is enough to terrify anything!""That must be why it never followed you into our room," Ahmed interrupted, pouring himself a cup of coffee.Presently, Jenna and Reverend Morris entered the dining room. "Morning boys! Ooh, so you saw the ghost too? Simon and I saw him, the headless preacher!""Yes, he just appeared in our room when we were er,” Reverend Morris began, and then he started to blush."Unpacking our bags," Jenna continued. "There he was, just standing by the side of the bed. I was so scared!" She added, lying of course."We didn't see any ghost, but the washbasin in our room doesn't work," Josh said. "The water won't come out. Just black stuff!""Same here," Gordon replied. "I got a sink full of soil!""According to an old bloke I met in the lounge, it's not soil at all, but gunpowder." Norman said, placing a plate loaded with what looked like inedible food on the table."Gunpowder? That's bollocks," Barry laughed. "You're not going to eat any of that are you? I'd say there's more toxic waste on your plate than in Chernobyl.""Hmm," Norman poked at the carcinogenic-looking sausages, which were virtually cremated. The bacon, if one could call it that, was not so much swimming in oil but drowned in it. The scrambled egg looked worse."Don't eat any of that scrambled egg," Gordon said. "Apart from looking like dog puke, it tastes like it too.""Thanks," Norman grimaced, pushing the plate away. "Suddenly I've lost my appetite. I think, I'll skip breakfast and buy something to eat later.Reverend Morris looked at Jenna and shook his head. "Well, maybe the trip to the museum will be more, enjoyable?"She smiled back and squeezed his thigh under the table. "I'm sure it will."The small group boarded the minibus, ready for the short journey into the center of Epworth."What's this place we're going to?" Jenna asked, as Reverend Morris checked his smartphone."Well unfortunately, the Old Rectory, which is the birthplace of John and Charles Wesley, is currently closed for the winter season. It reopens in April."A chorus of groans echoed through the bus.Gordon rolled his eyes. "Oh this just gets better, Vicar. What travel agent offers holidays to see a museum which is closed until April, in January?""Oh Simon, this is so disappointing. I really wanted to see the birthplace of the Wesleys!" Jenna sighed."I know, I know. I'm disappointed too. As a compromise, there is another museum a few miles away, called Epworth Fields Museum. It's small, but there are some great 17th and 18th century exhibits there, so that's where we're heading.""I'd have more fun wandering round Tesco," Gordon muttered to Barry.""I'd have more fun with the vicar's wife," Barry replied."Oho! You've changed your tune. What happened to 'dream on, she's way too old for you?' You're older than I am!""Yes well, that was before." Barry paused."Before what?"Barry took a deep breath. "Look, if I tell you, promise me you won't say anything?""I'm all ears," Gordon said. "And relax, your secret's safe with me."Barry started whispering and told his cousin about the fateful gloryhole encounter.Epworth Fields Museum was a three-story Georgian building would never rival the British Museum or the Tower of London in terms of interesting exhibits, but it was better than nothing. An added bonus was that entry was free.After looking round some of the rooms, the group split up and began doing their own thing. Reverend Morris was engaged in a long conversation with a member of staff, who was also a vicar. Feeling bored, Jenna wandered off. She wondered where Gordon and the others had gone. Horniness was gnawing at her again. She headed towards the south end of the second floor. At the end of the long corridor, she pushed through a heavy door and stepped onto a landing. She descended the stairs, her footsteps echoing off the painted walls. The sound was so hollow and cold that she might have been in a vast pyramid or some other ancient structure, alone but for the companionship of unseen spirits.Being a cold Tuesday morning in January, the museum was severely lacking in visitors. The place had an abandoned air, and she was suddenly aware that she was alone on this floor. As she reached for the handle of the door that led to the first-floor corridor, she thought she heard someone whisper her name. Jenna went through the door and found that the lower corridor was carpeted in the same hideous orange nylon as was the upper one. The decorator had a clown's taste for bright colors. It made her squint."Pretty sure this isn't authentic 18th century," she said to herself. A display board caught her eye. It was all about John and Charles Wesley. She recognized their portraits immediately."It was an honor to meet you last year John," Jenna said, smiling at the portrait of the white-haired Methodist minister. "Wish I could've met your brother as well, I wonder if his cock is as big as yours?" She pulled out her smartphone and took a photo of the images.Suddenly, she heard the door at the head of the stairs open with a faint but protracted squeak of hinges. She stepped back, expecting someone to descend from the second floor, but no-one appeared."Huh, weird," she said. Without thinking, Jenna leaned against the wood-paneled wall, which was actually a concealed doorway. It suddenly opened, and Jenna screamed as she went tumbling into a dark passage. The wood-paneled door slid shut behind her, and nothing but her smartphone remained on the floor of the corridor,Jenna staggered to her feet. "Where am I? Looks like there's some sort of secret room here, oh wow, I can't see a thing in here!"A light clicked on. Jenna assumed it was a motion-activated sensor. The small room was crammed with furniture that was covered in dust sheets. Old exhibits that the museum no longer wished to display, damaged stuff, spare panels. It reminded her of the storeroom in the church hall."I'd better get out of here, there might be CCTV or something." The last thing she wanted was to be accused of stealing."Oh I assure you, we are completely unobserved," a male voice uttered."Who said that?" Jenna spun round. She appeared to be alone in the room. Was there a hidden microphone somewhere?""Over here," the voice said again. "In the corner."Jenna cautiously walked around the shrouded furniture. "Where are you?""Right in front of you my dear!"Jenna looked straight ahead. A six-foot tall bronze statue of a man was standing in the corner. As she looked closely, she realized that it was a statue of Charles Wesley."Oh, a statue of Charles!" She exclaimed, reaching out to touch it, and the statue's mouth relaxed into a smile."Greetings Jenna.""Eep!" Jenna stumbled backwards and almost tripped over a chair."My apologies for scaring you. I thought you wished to meet me," the statue replied."My dear brother John has told me so much about you."Jenna blinked, her jaw dropping. "He has?""Indeed yes! He told me you were a very special lady. Not many could unleash such a power as to return a trapped soul back to God's realm. It's an honor to meet you. I just had to meet you!""It's an honor to meet you too Charles! I love your hymns! How, are you a statue? And why has the museum shoved you in this dusty little storeroom? You should be on display."Charles chuckled. "Oh I assure you I'm not actually a statue. I just sort of possessed this statue so I could have a solid body, as it were.""Hmm, I see." Jenna wondered how this could be. After all, John had been perfectly solid when he'd appeared as a ghost. Evidently all ghosts were different."My statue has been in this room for a long time," Charles continued. "My plinth is damaged. And I'm missing one of my fingers on my left hand, look!" He raised his hand. "It broke off. I suppose that is why the museum shoved me in here? Maybe they forgot about me, or couldn't afford the repairs?"Jenna was dismayed that a statue of her favorite historical figure had been dumped in storage like an unwanted toy."I wonder if the museum would let me buy your statue? How magnificent you'd look, standing in the vicarage's garden!""You'd really do that for me?""Of course I would! I'm sure your plinth can be easily fixed. We have an enormous garden, you could stand next to the sundial. And every year, I could put a wreath by your plinth to honor your birthday, ""Mmm, may I kiss you Jenna?" The statue whispered, and Jenna smirked back at him."I thought you'd never ask!"Charles kissed her cheek. "A man should always respond to a lady in a polite manner." Now Jenna was curious at just how this was going to unfold.He took her gently in his arms and kissed her jawline and neck with a tenderness and passion that one would never expect a statue to have.Jenna wanted to speak, but couldn't. His kisses were intoxicating, and she was powerless to resist.Not caring that another member of staff could enter the storeroom at any time, Jenna allowed Charles to undress her. He pulled her to the floor and unfastened his breeches."Oh, just as big as John's!" said Jenna, marveling as she took in the sight of Charles' enormous cock for the first time. The moisture between her legs had now grown so great that it actually began to drip down the inside of her thigh."I'll be gentle, my dearest one," the statue smiled.He shifted his position again, placed one hand beside her shoulder and advanced his knees between Jenna's parted lower limbs. In his other hand, he took his member and placed it at the entry to her cunt. He paused a moment and pushed forward. Jenna gave a brief wince, he was huge, and his cock, being made of bronze, was damned cold at first! Charles began to thrust.He pulled his hips back so that his hard cock withdrew partially from her sweet grip. He pushed forward again and buried himself back inside her. Jenna moaned at the sensation of him moving in her."Oh yes, please. More!"The feel of her wet flesh slipping over his sensitive head and shaft sent a shiver through him and he grunted from the pleasure of it.Suddenly, Jenna's eyes opened wide in surprise and delight and she gasped. She moaned and wrapped her legs around Charles to rock herself against him. She breathed harder and faster until she shuddered and cried out loud as she climaxed and writhed beneath him."Ah, ah, ah!"Charles felt his cock aching with the rising and uncontrollable tide of approaching release. He shouted his delight as he spurted his cum deep inside her."Ahh Jenna! Praise the Lord!"The trip to the museum had come to an end. Reverend Morris and the rest of the group had assembled in the foyer."Okay everyone, time to head back to the minibus. Are we all here? Oh wait, where's Jenna?""Haven't seen her since we arrived," Gordon said. "Maybe she's still upstairs?""I'll ring her phone," the vicar replied. It rang for a bit and then went to voicemail."Hmm, she's not answering. Right, I'll go and look for her."In the storeroom, tired and sweaty, Jenna still had her arms wrapped round the statue of Charles Wesley."Ooh I so needed that," she whispered, enjoying the sensation of cold bronze against her bare skin. "Charles are you, Charles?" Jenna opened her eyes and stood up. The statue was no longer alive, but just a normal statue."Did I send him back to the other side?" She wondered, as she got dressed. "Oh well. I finally got to meet Charles Wesley, and he was amazing! She planted a kiss on the statue's cheek. "I have got to liberate you from this storeroom!"Reverend Morris hurried along the first floor corridor. "Jenna, where are you? It's time to leave! Oh!" He noticed an iPhone on the carpet."Why that's her phone!" He bent down and picked it up. "Oh God, what's happened to her?"
Her Mentula Cōleī BaptismA Series in 17 parts, By Blacksheep. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Christmas was fast approaching, and festive events were in full swing at St. Michael's Church."Well not long to go until Jesus' birthday," Reverend Morris smiled as he and Jenna finished putting up their Christmas decorations. "Just two weeks. Which reminds me, there's another very special person's birthday a week before the festive season, ""Oh yes. I'd forgotten!" Jenna replied."Jenna my love, it's your 21st! You can't forget something like that. I want it to be a truly memorable birthday for you. Is there anything in particular you'd really, really like? Please give it some thought. Turning 21 is a milestone.""I will Simon. But I pretty much have everything I've ever wanted already," she smiled, slipping her arms round him.Later, Jenna was engrossed in reading something on her smartphone."Imagine that," she whispered to herself.Noticing her excitement, Reverend Morris became curious."What's grabbed your attention, Jen?"" Mentula Cōleī Baptism," she blurted out, without thinking.Her husband looked confused. "Pardon?""Oh! It's nothing. Just an old fertility rite of the Eastern Orthodox, in some Asian nations! The Japanese call it bukkake. The loose translation of ‘Mentula Cōleī' is ‘cock & balls'. And it follows the Anglican tradition of sprinkling. Er, would you like a cup of tea?”"Sure."Later, when Jenna was having a shower, Reverend Morris picked up his phone. "Bukkake, she said. How does one spell that, then?" He typed into the browser. Boocaka? Bookaki? Bukacay? On the third attempt, the browser's autocorrect suggested the correct term."Oh, so that's how it's spelt. He clicked on a Wikipedia link. "Good God!" He spluttered, as he read all about the act. When he'd finished, he chuckled to himself. "You learn something new every day. The Internet never disappoints, "At the Wednesday Eucharist, Gordon had just finished the recessional hymn. The midweek service always had a lower turnout than the Sunday service, but numbers had been steadily increasing all year."Morning Gordon," Reverend Morris said, appearing at the side of the organ."Oh hello vicar," the organist replied. "Quite full today. I don't know, the news says that Christianity is declining in this country but this church seems to be the exception.""It does, and that pleases me greatly. I can't speak for all churches in England, but knowing that our community here at St. Michael's is thriving, well it lifts my heart. I tend not to pay much attention to the news these days. Too depressing. Difficult times for so many. Strikes, cost of living and all that. Oh and England getting knocked out of the World Cup.""Mmm, yes," Gordon nodded. "Couldn't care less about football. I never watch it. Horse racing is my thing. How's Jenna and Christopher?""Oh they're both fine, actually I need to discuss something important with you, Gordon. Jenna's 21st birthday is next week. I was wondering if you could help me with something?""Certainly, vicar!" He replied, switching off the light above the organ's keyboards. "Happy to help in any way I can.""Okay, but not here. Come to my study right now, please.""Right you are," Gordon said. He didn't even have time to remove his robe and hang it up in the vestry. He was intrigued. The way the vicar was summoning him to the study sounded a bit ominous. He felt like a kid at school being summoned to the headmaster in order to receive a punishment. He meekly followed the vicar down the aisle."Close the door if you please," Reverend Morris said, as he beckoned the organist into the study. Gordon did as he asked, and was surprised to find Josh the curate, Father Aiden, Bishop George and Norman Winstanley the new churchwarden all waiting."Eh, what's all this, vicar?" Gordon exclaimed. "A lads-only party?""Gentlemen," Reverend Morris began. "I've invited you here because you are trusted spiritual mentors; and trusted friends of mine. As servants of God, you all have your own important tasks to perform. Now what I am about to ask you, requires a great deal of trust. As good Christians, I wonder if you'll be able to fulfil this very unique anointing ceremony a parishioner has requested."Father Aiden crossed himself. "I am always ready to do the Lord's work.""Me too," Gordon said. "And if there's free beer included, well that's a bonus!""Well this task concerns Jenna, my wife."The men in the study all fell silent. There was a great deal of shuffling feet and awkward coughs!One week later,"Where are we going, Simon?" Jenna asked, as he got into the car. She assumed they were going to a restaurant."The church. Just a little birthday surprise."When they arrived, Reverend Morris requested that Jenna close her eyes."Absolutely no peeking!" He said as he led her down the aisle."This is so exciting!" Jenna said. "Let me guess, the whole congregation of St. Michael's are going to leap out and yell Happy Birthday, right?""Close, but no cigar!" The vicar replied. "Now, just sit on this stool, "Father Aiden was driving down the high street, on his way to St. Michael's Church. His heart was pounding like crazy."I can't believe I agreed to take part in this," he mumbled to himself. "Lord in heaven, why am I doing this? Haven't I sinned enough already?"He fiddled with the car radio. Most of the stations were planning Christmas songs 24/7 now. Chris's Rea's Driving Home for Christmas started playing. This was the third time today he'd heard this song. Passing a Tesco Express store, Father Aiden decided he needed some Dutch courage before he could partake in the special "celebration" at the church. A cheap bottle of whiskey or gin would suffice. Parking up, he hurried into the store and walked straight into a woman who was loaded up with shopping."I'm so sorry!" He exclaimed, picking up the tube of gift wrap she'd dropped."Aiden?"He froze and looked up. "Róisín?""My God! It is you! I can't believe it!" the red-haired woman gasped."W-what are you doing in this neck of the woods?" Father Aiden said. "Did you leave Liverpool?""Sure did. I've jumped ship. I'm at the Living Earth Free Church now and I'm loving every minute. I've become a vicar, well they call us leaders. It suits me just fine. What about you, are you still with the Catholic Church?"The priest looked awkwardly at her. "Erm, sort of. I've been fighting a conflict with myself these past couple of weeks."Róisín smiled at him. "You think your future lies elsewhere?"He took a deep breath. "Maybe?"She put down her shopping bags and took his hand. "I've never stopped thinking about you, Aiden. I know you broke things off because you couldn't break your celibacy vows, ""Oh but that's the thing. I fled Liverpool and moved to this town, and the first thing I did was to break my celibacy vows, "Róisín's face fell. "Oh, so you've met someone?""Uh, No. It was just a, one-off. But it made me think that I'm just not cut out for a celibate life. And because of that, I can't continue in my current profession.""Well you're too attractive for that."A blush spread across the priest's face. "Would you like to go for a drink?""Thought you'd never ask! Let me dump this stuff in the car and then I'm all yours!""Sorry Jenna," Father Aiden said to himself as he slipped his arm around Róisín and they strolled into the town center. "But I'm sure you'll have fun without me. Thanks for helping me see the light though."Jenna could hear muffled whisperings and several male voices. She wondered what was going to happen next. "Can I look yet?""No not yet," Reverend Morris replied. "Just a sec, " The vicar ushered Gordon, Josh, Bishop George and Norman in front of the altar, where several candles has been lit. "Where's Father Aiden?""Guess he chickened out?" Gordon muttered. "Maybe he's in a confession booth? Ha-ha!""Oh well, fair enough. It was a lot to ask, Okay Jenna, you can open your eyes now!"Jenna opened her eyes, to see the organist, the curate, the Bishop, and the churchwarden all stood round her. Gordon was wearing his best suit and the black robe he wore when playing the organ, andJosh was wearing his cassock and surplice."Oh my. Good evening, boys!" She said. "Are you all here to wish me Happy Birthday?""We certainly are," Gordon grinned, rubbing his crotch. "We're here to give you the most memorable birthday ever, eh chaps? As it's a special one, and you're a very special lass, Jenna!""Aww, you're all so sweet," Jenna replied, still not aware of what was about to happen. "I love being part of this church.""And you've brought so much happiness to it," Reverend Morris said. Now it's time for us to repay your kindness." He nodded at Gordon and the others. "Now don't keep my lovely wife waiting, she's eager to be baptized!""Huh?" Jenna blinked. "Baptized?"Gordon volunteered to go first. He unzipped his trousers and pulled out his cock. "Come on lads, don't be shy, eh?" Seconds later, Josh and Bishop George did the same. Norman hesitated a moment, but finally followed suit and unzipped. Jenna's mouth dropped in amazement as four delicious erect cocks were pointed right at her. She was too stunned to speak, and turned to Reverend Morris, who was standing back from the others, and also wearing church vestments."This is our 21st birthday present to you," the vicar said. "A Mentula Cōleī Baptism." It's been part of early Assyrian Christian marriage ceremonies in Asia, to anoint a young bride's womb, before the couple consummates. The church elders would meet with the couple after the public ceremony vows, to anoint the virgin."Oh, my, God" Jenna gasped. "Simon, how?"The reverend simply put his hands together, as though in prayer. "I asked God for help in getting you the perfect present. He knows everything, you see. I'm just sorry that Father Aiden decided to opt out, and unfortunately the Archbishop of Canterbury was unavailable as he's currently in Ukraine. John Wesley's ghost, well one cannot book a last-minute appointment with the dead, alas. But I hope those of us that are here will satisfy you?"Jenna licked her lips. "Hell yes!" She knelt down before them. "Oh Gordon, I see you've got an organ pipe that needs blowing," she said as she pulled down his trousers and briefs and squeezed his erection. "Let's see if you can hit the right notes.""I always hit the right notes," he chuckled. "Especially when you're playing my instrument, ""Umm. You're an organist who always entertains," she commented as she lowered her mouth over the end of his cock.Jenna sucked on the head, tasting him as she ran her tongue over the sensitive opening, while pumping the shaft with her hand. She took more and more of his hardness into her mouth until she felt him hit the back of her throat. She relaxed and pushed on until she had his whole member in her mouth and she was nuzzling his silvery pubic hair. He groaned as he grabbed the back of her head and thrust into her mouth.Reverend Morris watched in admiration and amazement as his wife expertly sucked the organist's cock. Gordon was quite well-endowed, but that was no challenge to Jenna. Seeing her pleasuring another man like this had got him as hard as a rock. He massaged his erection through his cassock and surplice. Could she cope with more than one man though?Josh was growing impatient, and his cock was desperate for attention. "Fancy trying some younger meat, Jenna? I think you've fully re-tuned the organist's organ.""Don't rush the lass," Gordon sighed. "Wait your turn, lad!""I'm sure you can't wait to taste it," he said as he pushed his throbbing shaft in her face.Jenna didn't hesitate, she removed Gordon's cock and Josh pushed his erection deep into her mouth. He grabbed her head and she began sucking him hard."Oh yeah! Praise the Lord! Oh I'm coming!""So soon?" Gordon chuckled. You younger fellas have no endurance!""Now now, enough of that," Jenna said. Play nice." She unbuttoned her blouse, exposing her pert breasts. "Mmm, give me some cum, Josh!"The sight of her tits pushed the curate over the edge and he erupted, glazing them with his hot seed."So delicious! Thanks so much Josh. What an impressive load. No longer shy I see! Like I said, you'll make one hell of a vicar one day!" Jenna felt an intense tingling sensation of arousal and a moistening in her pussy. The crotch of her panties turned a darker shade of red as her nectar seeped out of her and soaked them. Reaching under her skirt, she began fingering herself."We vicars produce more cum, right?" Reverend Morris chuckled, jacking off in the background."Hell yes.""Organists produce a lot too," Gordon interrupted. "Oh fuck, now I'm coming, Jenna, .oh!"Jets of creamy white cum surged forth through the air from the tip of Gor
Blimey, our guest cup continues to overflow, folks. This week's Empire Podcast sees Chris Hewitt sit down with Gladiator II star, and all-round legend, Denzel Washington, to talk about reuniting with Ridley Scott, and to clarify Denzel's recent hint that he might be winding down as an actor. Oh, and Chris quotes //that// Equalizer 2 line to Denzel's face, because he's utterly without shame. [20:15 - 39:40 approx] Elsewhere, Amon Warmann has a lovely chat with Emilia Perez star, Zoe Saldaña, about working with Jacques Audiard, James Cameron, and more, [1:03:14 - 1:16:13 approx] and Alex Godfrey catches up with Sean Baker to talk about the excellent Anora, which is still in cinemas now. [1:35:53 - 1:52:19 approx] Either side of those, Chris is joined in the podbooth by Helen O'Hara, James Dyer and, for the first time, Jamie Graham, to discuss Ridley Scott's career, cast their eye over the week's movie news, including Simon Kinberg's Star Wars trilogy, the new Mission: Impossible trailer, and Christopher Nolan's Not Draclier, and review Gladiator II, Joy, and Emilia Perez. It's a banger, folks, and the only disappointment in it for us is that we only get to do it once. Enjoy.
An epic MDS this week as The Mighty Albion triumphed in a massive match with a massive noise down in Falmer. We hear from Andy Bass, Pete, Chris, Alex, Duncan, Pam, Kevin, Matt, John, Big Dave, Paul, Ian (originally) from Henfield, Sam (still) from Henfield and of course your host Russ from Enfield (I don't need an H at the start of my location!!! Memories are made of this. THESE are the days we will all look back on with fondness and WHAT a day this one was!!! Stand or fall! UTA! Tell him to ssshh, Jan Paul! @BrightonRockPod brightonrockpodcast@gmail.com Part of the Sport Social Podcast Network that can be found in all their glory at this rather suitable address: www.sport-social.co.uk Please follow us for automatic downloads of new episodes and if you want to make us really happy please rate us five stars on Apple and any other platforms that provide the opportunity to do so! Why not write a review while you are at it?! ;0). All this helps our rankings and improves our chances of getting exciting guests onto the show. Also we are now on Patreon, so if you happen to be inclined to extreme acts of generosity we'd greatly appreciate any monthly donations, great or small, to help us run the pod as well as we can. Go to www.patreon.com/BrightonRockPod for details and to sign up. NB Our content will remain freely accessible to all listeners regardless. Humble thanks! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 24 - The Wandmaker“I want to do it properly,” were the first words of which Harry was fully conscious of speaking. “Not by magic. Have you got a spade?” And shortly afterward he had set to work, alone, digging the grave in the place that Bill had shown him at the end of the garden, between bushes. He dug with a kind of fury, relishing the manual work, glorying in the non-magic of it, for every drop of his sweat and every blister felt like a gift to the elf who had saved their lives. Q1 - Why did Harry want to do this without magic?“No,” Harry said, and Bill looked startled. “I need both of them here. I need to talk to them. It's important.” He heard the authority in his own voice, the conviction, the sense of purpose that had come to him as he dug Dobby's grave. All of their faces were turned toward him, looking puzzled. Dobby would never be able to tell them who had sent him to the cellar, but Harry knew what he had seen. A piercing blue eye had looked out of the mirror fragment, and then help had come. Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.Q2 - What's the deal with the mirror?You gave Ron the Deluminator. You understood him. . . . You gave him a way back. . . . And you understood Wormtail too. . . . You knew there was a bit of regret there, somewhere. . . . And if you knew them . . . What did you know about me, Dumbledore? Am I meant to know, but not to seek? Did you know how hard I'd find that? Is that why you made it this difficult? So I'd have time to work that out?Q3 - Do you think he's right about Dumbledore here?Q4 - They're going to break into Gringotts? Are they going to succeed?“I took this wand from Draco Malfoy by force,” said Harry. “Can I use it safely?” “I think so. Subtle laws govern wand ownership, but the conquered wand will usually bend its will to its new master.” Q5 - Is Harry truly the master of Draco's wand?Yes, if you won it, it is more likely to do your bidding, and do it well, than another wand.” “And this holds true for all wands, does it?” asked Harry. “I think so,” replied Ollivander, his protuberant eyes upon Harry's face. “You ask deep questions, Mr. Potter. Wandlore is a complex and mysterious branch of magic.” “So, it isn't necessary to kill the previous owner to take true possession of a wand?” asked Harry. Ollivander swallowed. “Necessary? No, I should not say that it is necessary to kill.” Q6 - Do you think this is true? That wands can pass without killing?“You told him about the twin cores? You said he just had to borrow another wizard's wand?” Ollivander looked horrified, transfixed, by the amount that Harry knew. He nodded slowly. “But it didn't work,” Harry went on. “Mine still beat the borrowed wand. Do you know why that is?” Ollivander shook his head as slowly as he had just nodded. “I had . . . never heard of such a thing. Your wand performed something unique that night. The connection of the twin cores is incredibly rare, yet why your wand should have snapped the borrowed wand, I do not know. . . .” Q7 - Why do you think Harry's wand acted like this?“Gregorovitch had the Elder Wand a long time ago,” he said. “I saw You-Know-Who trying to find him. When he tracked him down, he found that Gregorovitch didn't have it anymore: It was stolen from him by Grindelwald. How Grindelwald found out that Gregorovitch had it, I don't know — but if Gregorovitch was stupid enough to spread the rumor, it can't have been that difficult.” Voldemort was at the gates of Hogwarts; Harry could see him standing there, and see too the lamp bobbing in the pre-dawn, coming closer and closer. “And Grindelwald used the Elder Wand to become powerful. And at the height of his power, when Dumbledore knew he was the only one who could stop him, he dueled Grindelwald and beat him, and he took the Elder Wand.” “Dumbledore had the Elder Wand?” said Ron. “But then — where is it now?” Q8 - What do you think about this?And here it was, beside the lake, reflected in the dark waters. The white marble tomb, an unnecessary blot on the familiar landscape. He felt again that rush of controlled euphoria, that heady sense of purpose in destruction. He raised the old yew wand: How fitting that this would be its last great act. The tomb split open from head to foot. The shrouded figure was as long and thin as it had been in life. He raised the wand again. The wrappings fell open. The face was translucent, pale, sunken, yet almost perfectly preserved. They had left his spectacles on the crooked nose: He felt amused derision. Dumbledore's hands were folded upon his chest, and there it lay, clutched beneath them, buried with him. Had the old fool imagined that marble or death would protect the wand? Had he thought that the Dark Lord would be scared to violate his tomb? The spiderlike hand swooped and pulled the wand from Dumbledore's grasp, and as he took it, a shower of sparks flew from its tip, sparkling over the corpse of its last owner, ready to serve a new master at last. Chapter 25 - Shell Cottage“Harry admits he could have imagined the eye! Don't you, Harry?” “I could have,” said Harry without looking at her. “But you don't think you did, do you?” asked Ron. “No, I don't,” said Harry. “There you go!” said Ron quickly, before Hermione could carry on. “If it wasn't Dumbledore, explain how Dobby knew we were in the cellar, Hermione?” “I can't — but can you explain how Dumbledore sent him to us if he's lying in a tomb at Hogwarts?”Q1 - Is Dumbledore alive?Q2 - Does the sword really belong to Goblins?Q3 - Do you think he plan will go well with Griphook?“So, au revoir, Mr. Ollivander,” said Fleur, kissing him on both cheeks. “And I wonder whezzer you could oblige me by delivering a package to Bill's Auntie Muriel? I never returned 'er tiara.” “It will be an honor,” said Ollivander with a little bow, “the very least I can do in return for your generous hospitality.” Fleur drew out a worn velvet case, which she opened to show the wandmaker. The tiara sat glittering and twinkling in the light from the low-hanging lamp. “Moonstones and diamonds,” said Griphook, who had sidled into the room without Harry noticing. “Made by goblins, I think?” Q4 - Could Danny's tiara theory be right all along?Lupin fell over the threshold. He was white-faced, wrapped in a traveling cloak, his graying hair windswept. He straightened up, looked around the room, making sure of who was there, then cried aloud, “It's a boy! We've named him Ted, after Dora's father!” Hermione shrieked. “Wha — ? Tonks — Tonks has had the baby?” “Yes, yes, she's had the baby!” shouted Lupin. All around the table came cries of delight, sighs of relief: Hermione and Fleur both squealed, “Congratulations!” and Ron said, “Blimey, a baby!” as if he had never heard of such a thing before. “Yes — yes — a boy,” said Lupin again, who seemed dazed by his own happiness. He strode around the table and hugged Harry; the scene in the basement of Grimmauld Place might never have happened. “You'll be godfather?” he said as he released Harry. “M-me?” stammered Harry “You, yes, of course — Dora quite agrees, no one better —” “I — yeah — blimey —” Q5 - What do you think about Lupin and Tonks having a baby?Harry had an ominous feeling now; he wondered whether Bill guessed more than he was letting on. “All I am saying,” said Bill, setting his hand on the door back into the sitting room, “is to be very careful what you promise goblins, Harry. It would be less dangerous to break into Gringotts than to renege on a promise to a goblin.” Q6 - Are they dumb to trust Griphook?Chapter 26 - Gringotts“I hate this thing,” she said in a low voice. “I really hate it. It feels all wrong, it doesn't work properly for me. . . . It's like a bit of her.” “It'll probably help you get in character, though,” said Ron. “Think what that wand's done!” “But that's my point!” said Hermione. “This is the wand that tortured Neville's mum and dad, and who knows how many other people? This is the wand that killed Sirius!” Q1 - Should they snap this wand in two?Harry looked down at the hawthorn wand that had once belonged to Draco Malfoy. He had been surprised, but pleased, to discover that it worked for him at least as well as Hermione's had done. Remembering what Ollivander had told them of the secret workings of wands, Harry thought he knew what Hermione's problem was: She had not won the walnut wand's allegiance by taking it personally from Bellatrix. Q2 - Is this true?He realized now that they could hardly have laid Dobby to rest in a more beautiful place, but Harry ached with sadness to think of leaving him behind. Looking down on the grave, he wondered yet again how the elf had known where to come to rescue them. His fingers moved absentmindedly to the little pouch still strung around his neck, through which he could feel the jagged mirror fragment in which he had been sure he had seen Dumbledore's eye. Then the sound of a door opening made him look around. Q3 - Any further theories on who sent Dobby?“They know!” whispered Griphook in Harry's ear. “They must have been warned there might be an impostor!” “Your wand will do, madam,” said the goblin. He held out a slightly trembling hand, and in a dreadful blast of realization Harry knew that the goblins of Gringotts were aware that Bellatrix's wand had been stolen. “Act now, act now,” whispered Griphook in Harry's ear, “the Imperius Curse!” Harry raised the hawthorn wand beneath the cloak, pointed it at the old goblin, and whispered, for the first time in his life, “Imperio!” Q4 - What do you think about Harry using the Imperius curse?Q5 - Is Travers going to permanently be in a crack in the wall in Gringotts?Q6 - What do you think of all the enchantments at Gringotts?“Harry, could this be — ? Aargh!” Hermione screamed in pain, and Harry turned his wand on her in time to see a jeweled goblet tumbling from her grip. But as it fell, it split, became a shower of goblets, so that a second later, with a great clatter, the floor was covered in identical cups rolling in every direction, the original impossible to discern amongst them. “It burned me!” moaned Hermione, sucking her blistered fingers. “They have added Gemino and Flagrante Curses!” said Griphook. “Everything you touch will burn and multiply, but the copies are worthless — and if you continue to handle the treasure, you will eventually be crushed to death by the weight of expanding gold!” Q7 - What do you think about this?The tiny golden cup, skewered by the handle on the sword's blade, was flung into the air. The goblin still astride him, Harry dived and caught it, and although he could feel it scalding his flesh he did not relinquish it, even while countless Hufflepuff cups burst from his fist.Q8 - Do they have the cup?Q9 - How do you like their dragon heist?Chapter 27 - The Final Hiding Place“Well, on the upside,” said Ron finally, who was sitting watching the skin on his hands regrow, “we got the Horcrux. On the downside —” “— no sword,” said Harry through gritted teeth, as he dripped dittany through the singed hole in his jeans onto the angry burn beneath. Q1 - How will they destroy this Horcrux?The sky, the smell of lake water, the sound of Ron's voice were extinguished: Pain cleaved Harry's head like a sword stroke. He was standing in a dimly lit room, and a semicircle of wizards faced him, and on the floor at his feet knelt a small, quaking figure. “What did you say to me?” His voice was high and cold, but fury and fear burned inside him. The one thing he had dreaded — but it could not be true, he could not see how . . . The goblin was trembling, unable to meet the red eyes high above his. “Say it again!” murmured Voldemort. “Say it again!” “M-my Lord,” stammered the goblin, its black eyes wide with terror, “m-my Lord . . . we t-tried t-to st-stop them. . . . Im-impostors, my Lord . . . broke — broke into the — into the Lestranges' v-vault. . . .” “Impostors? What impostors? I thought Gringotts had ways of revealing impostors? Who were they?” “It was . . . it was . . . the P-Potter b-boy and t-two accomplices. . . .” “And they took?” he said, his voice rising, a terrible fear gripping him. “Tell me! What did they take?” “A . . . a s-small golden c-cup, m-my Lord . . .” The scream of rage, of denial left him as if it were a stranger's: He was crazed, frenzied, it could not be true, it was impossible, nobody had ever known: How was it possible that the boy could have discovered his secret? Q2 - What do you think of this?But surely if the boy had destroyed any of his Horcruxes, he, Lord Voldemort, would have known, would have felt it?Q3 - So has Voldemort not felt these horcruxes being destroyed?But he must know, he must be sure. . . . He paced the room, kicking aside the goblin's corpse as he passed, and the pictures blurred and burned in his boiling brain: the lake, the shack, and Hogwarts —Q4 - Where at Hogwarts?As for the school: He alone knew where in Hogwarts he had stowed the Horcrux, because he alone had plumbed the deepest secrets of that place. . . . And there was still Nagini, who must remain close now, no longer sent to do his bidding, under his protection. . . . Q5 - If Voldemort is checking the hiding places, how much time do the trio have?“But how are we going to get in?” “We'll go to Hogsmeade,” said Harry, “and try to work something out once we see what the protection around the school's like. Get under the Cloak, Hermione, I want to stick together this time.” “But we don't really fit —” “It'll be dark, no one's going to notice our feet.” The flapping of enormous wings echoed across the black water: The dragon had drunk its fill and risen into the air. They paused in their preparations to watch it climb higher and higher, now black against the rapidly darkening sky, until it vanished over a nearby mountain. Then Hermione walked forward and took her place between the other two. Harry pulled the Cloak down as far as it would go, and together they turned on the spot into the crushing darkness.Chapter 28 - The Missing MirrorHe raised his wand: He could not, would not, suffer the Dementor's Kiss, whatever happened afterward. It was of Ron and Hermione that he thought as he whispered, “Expecto Patronum!” Q1 - Should they have planned this a little better?Ron gasped. “The silver doe!” he said excitedly. “Was that you too?” “What are you talking about?” said Aberforth. “Someone sent a doe Patronus to us!” “Brains like that, you could be a Death Eater, son. Haven't I just proved my Patronus is a goat?” “Oh,” said Ron. “Yeah . . . well, I'm hungry!” he added defensively as his stomach gave an enormous rumble“My brother Albus wanted a lot of things,” said Aberforth, “and people had a habit of getting hurt while he was carrying out his grand plans. You get away from this school, Potter, and out of the country if you can. Forget my brother and his clever schemes. He's gone where none of this can hurt him, and you don't owe him anything.”Q2 - Is Aberforth a reliable story teller? “It destroyed her, what they did: She was never right again. She wouldn't use magic, but she couldn't get rid of it; it turned inward and drove her mad, it exploded out of her when she couldn't control it, and at times she was strange and dangerous. But mostly she was sweet and scared and harmless. Q3 - What do you think this looks like?But he did all right for a few weeks . . . till he came.” And now a positively dangerous look crept over Aberforth's face. “Grindelwald. And at last, my brother had an equal to talk to, someone just as bright and talented as he was. And looking after Ariana took a backseat then, while they were hatching all their plans for a new Wizarding order, and looking for Hallows, and whatever else it was they were so interested in. Grand plans for the benefit of all Wizardkind, and if one young girl got neglected, what did that matter, when Albus was working for the greater good? He got angry. He told me what a stupid little boy I was, trying to stand in the way of him and my brilliant brother. . . . Didn't I understand, my poor sister wouldn't have to be hidden once they'd changed the world, and led the wizards out of hiding, and taught the Muggles their place? Q4 - What do you think of Grindewald now?“He was never free,” said Harry. “I beg your pardon?” said Aberforth. “Never,” said Harry. “The night that your brother died, he drank a potion that drove him out of his mind. He started screaming, pleading with someone who wasn't there. ‘Don't hurt them, please . . . hurt me instead.'” Q5 - Do you think Dumbledore really never forgave himself?“Because,” said Harry before Hermione could answer, “sometimes you've got to think about more than your own safety! Sometimes you've got to think about the greater good! This is war!” “You're seventeen, boy!” “I'm of age, and I'm going to keep fighting even if you've given up!” “Who says I've given up?” “‘The Order of the Phoenix is finished,'” Harry repeated. “‘YouKnow-Who's won, it's over, and anyone who's pretending different's kidding themselves.'” “I don't say I like it, but it's the truth!” “No, it isn't,” said Harry. “Your brother knew how to finish YouKnow-Who and he passed the knowledge on to me. I'm going to keep going until I succeed — or I die. Don't think I don't know how this might end. I've known it for years.” Q6 - What do you think of this whole story?Q7 - How will this end?
Chapter 21 - The Tale of the Three Brothers“ ‘There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight —' ” “Midnight, our mum always told us,” said Ron, who had stretched out, arms behind his head, to listen. Hermione shot him a look of annoyance.We are talking about a cloak that really and truly renders the wearer completely invisible, and endures eternally, giving constant and impenetrable concealment, no matter what spells are cast at it. How many cloaks have you ever seen like that, Miss Granger?” Hermione opened her mouth to answer, then closed it again, looking more confused than ever. She, Harry, and Ron glanced at one another, and Harry knew that they were all thinking the same thing. It so happened that a cloak exactly like the one Xenophilius had just described was in the room with them at that very moment. Q1 - Do you think Harry's cloak could be one of the Hallows?Q2 - If it exists, where do you think the Resurrection stone is?“So where do you think the Elder Wand is now?” asked Ron. “Alas, who knows?” said Xenophilius, as he gazed out of the window.Q3 - If it exists, where is the wand?“It's just a morality tale, it's obvious which gift is best, which one you'd choose —” The three of them spoke at the same time; Hermione said, “the Cloak,” Ron said, “the wand,” and Harry said, “the stone.” They looked at each other, half surprised, half amused. Q4 - Which is the best?Harry held out his left hand. Ron vanished beneath the Cloak. The printing press blocking the stairs was vibrating: Xenophilius was trying to shift it using a Hover Charm. Harry did not know what Hermione was waiting for. “Hold tight,” she whispered. “Hold tight . . . any second . . .” Xenophilius's paper-white face appeared over the top of the sideboard. “Obliviate!” cried Hermione, pointing her wand first into his face, then at the floor beneath them. “Deprimo!” She had blasted a hole in the sitting room floor. They fell like boulders, Harry still holding onto her hand for dear life; there was a scream from below, and he glimpsed two men trying to get out of the way as vast quantities of rubble and broken furniture rained all around them from the shattered ceiling. Hermione twisted in midair and the thundering of the collapsing house rang in Harry's ears as she dragged him once more into darkness. Q5 - What is Hermione doing here?Chapter 22 - The Deathly Hallows“Then she'll be in Azkaban, I expect,” said Ron. “Whether she survives the place, though . . . Loads don't. . . .” “She will,” said Harry. He could not bear to contemplate the alternative. “She's tough, Luna, much tougher than you'd think. She's probably teaching all the inmates about Wrackspurts and Nargles.” Q1 - Who could survive Azkaban the best out of everyone we've met?“Yes . . . and that's all very interesting,” said Hermione cautiously, “but Harry, if you're thinking what I think you're think —” “Well, why not? Why not?” said Harry, abandoning caution. “It was a stone, wasn't it?” He looked at Ron for support. “What if it was the Resurrection Stone?” Ron's mouth fell open. “Blimey — but would it still work if Dumbledore broke — ?”Q2 - Do you think that the stone is the ring?And he saw himself, possessor of the Hallows, facing Voldemort, whose Horcruxes were no match . . . Neither can live while the other survives. . . . Was this the answer? Hallows versus Horcruxes? Was there a way, after all, to ensure that he was the one who triumphed? If he were the master of the Deathly Hallows, would he be safe? Q3 - What do you think of Harry's questions here?He turned his back on their strained, incredulous faces. He knew it was the truth. It all made sense. Voldemort was not seeking a new wand; he was seeking an old wand, a very old wand indeed. Harry walked to the entrance of the tent, forgetting about Ron and Hermione as he looked out into the night, thinking. . . . “Harry, this isn't a game, this isn't practice! This is the real thing, and Dumbledore left you very clear instructions: Find and destroy the Horcruxes! That symbol doesn't mean anything, forget the Deathly Hallows, we can't afford to get sidetracked —” Q4 - What did Dumbledore want?“But before we hear from Royal and Romulus,” Lee went on, “let's take a moment to report those deaths that the Wizarding Wireless Network News and Daily Prophet don't think important enough to mention. It is with great regret that we inform our listeners of the murders of Ted Tonks and Dirk Cresswell.” “I'd tell him we're all with him in spirit,” said Lupin, then hesitated slightly. “And I'd tell him to follow his instincts, which are good and nearly always right.” Q5 - Are Harry's instincts always right?“And the rumors that he keeps being sighted abroad?” asked Lee. “Well, who wouldn't want a nice little holiday after all the hard work he's been putting in?” asked Fred. “Point is, people, don't get lulled into a false sense of security, thinking he's out of the country. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but the fact remains he can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo when he wants to, so don't count on him being a long way away if you're planning on taking any risks. I never thought I'd hear myself say it, but safety first!” Chapter 23 - Malfoy ManorQ1 - How unfortunate is the end of the last chapter and this one?“Like 'ell you are,” said the man called Scabior. “We know Stan Shunpike, 'e's put a bit of work our way.”Q2 - Is Stan actually bad?The emaciated figure stirred beneath its thin blanket and rolled over toward him, eyes opening in a skull of a face. . . . The frail man sat up, great sunken eyes fixed upon him, upon Voldemort, and then he smiled. Most of his teeth were gone. . . . “So, you have come. I thought you would . . . one day. But your journey was pointless. I never had it.” “You lie!” Q3 - What does he mean that he never had it?Q4 - Why doesn't Draco identify them here?She stopped struggling, her dark eyes fixed upon something Harry could not see. Jubilant at her capitulation, Lucius threw her hand from him and ripped up his own sleeve — “STOP!” shrieked Bellatrix. “Do not touch it, we shall all perish if the Dark Lord comes now!” Q5 - Why is Bella so freaked out?Hermione's screams echoed off the walls upstairs, Ron was half sobbing as he pounded the walls with his fists, and Harry in utter desperation seized Hagrid's pouch from around his neck and groped inside it: He pulled out Dumbledore's Snitch and shook it, hoping for he did not know what — nothing happened — he waved the broken halves of the phoenix wand, but they were lifeless — the mirror fragment fell sparkling to the floor, and he saw a gleam of brightest blue — Dumbledore's eye was gazing at him out of the mirror. “Help us!” he yelled at it in mad desperation. “We're in the cellar of Malfoy Manor, help us!” The eye blinked and was gone. Q6 - What was going on there?“Kill me, then, Voldemort, I welcome death! But my death will not bring you what you seek. . . . There is so much you do not understand. . . .” Q7 - What does Voldemort not understand?Harry could barely breathe. “You're going to kill me?” Harry choked, attempting to prise off the metal fingers. “After I saved your life? You owe me, Wormtail!” The silver fingers slackened. Harry had not expected it: He wrenched himself free, astonished, keeping his hand over Wormtail's mouth. He saw the ratlike man's small watery eyes widen with fear and surprise: He seemed just as shocked as Harry at what his hand had done, at the tiny, merciful impulse it had betrayed, and he continued to struggle more powerfully, as though to undo that moment of weakness. “And we'll have that,” whispered Ron, tugging Wormtail's wand from his other hand. Wandless, helpless, Pettigrew's pupils dilated in terror. His eyes had slid from Harry's face to something else. His own silver fingers were moving inexorably toward his own throat. “No —” Without pausing to think, Harry tried to drag back the hand, but there was no stopping it. The silver tool that Voldemort had given his most cowardly servant had turned upon its disarmed and useless owner; Pettigrew was reaping his reward for his hesitation, his moment of pity; he was being strangled before their eyes. Q8 - Poetic justice here? What do you think about Harry trying to save Pettigrew?At the last word there was a peculiar grinding noise from above. All of them looked upward in time to see the crystal chandelier tremble; then, with a creak and an ominous jingling, it began to fall. Bellatrix was directly beneath it; dropping Hermione, she threw herself aside with a scream. The chandelier crashed to the floor in an explosion of crystal and chains, falling on top of Hermione and the goblin, who still clutched the sword of Gryffindor. Glittering shards of crystal flew in all directions: Draco doubled over, his hands covering his bloody face. As Ron ran to pull Hermione out of the wreckage, Harry took his chance: He leapt over an armchair and wrested the three wands from Draco's grip, pointed all of them at Greyback, and yelled, “Stupefy!” The werewolf was lifted off his feet by the triple spell, flew up to the ceiling, and then smashed to the ground. Q9 - Does triple wand power work greater?The tiny elf trotted into the room, his shaking finger pointing at his old mistress. “You must not hurt Harry Potter,” he squeaked. “Kill him, Cissy!” shrieked Bellatrix, but there was another loud crack, and Narcissa's wand too flew into the air and landed on the other side of the room. “You dirty little monkey!” bawled Bellatrix. “How dare you take a witch's wand, how dare you defy your masters?” “Dobby has no master!” squealed the elf. “Dobby is a free elf, and Dobby has come to save Harry Potter and his friends!”“Dobby, no, don't die, don't die —” The elf's eyes found him, and his lips trembled with the effort to form words. “Harry . . . Potter . . .” And then with a little shudder the elf became quite still, and his eyes were nothing more than great glassy orbs, sprinkled with light from the stars they could not see. Q10 - Raise a glass to Dobby
A topical podcast! Blimey! As it is Halloween why not have a little think about why Doctor Who is scary, and why that is comehow acceptable for children. What is it about us that has a need to be frightened, and why does this siully show have such a repuation for scares? Happy Halloween - hopefully this podcast is a treat rather that a trick. #doctorwho #doctorwhoreaction #doctorwhocommentary #doctorwhocomedian #tobyhadoke #doctorwhofacts #positivedoctorwho #classicdoctorwho Please support these podcasts on Patreon, where you will get advance releases, exclusive content (including a patron-only podcast - Far Too Much Information), regular AMAs and more. Tiers start from as little as £3 per month: patreon.com/tobyhadoke Or there is Ko-fi for the occasional donation with no commitments: ko-fi.com/tobyhadoke Follow Toby on Twitter: @tobyhadoke And these podcasts: @HadokePodcasts And his comedy club: @xsmalarkey www.tobyhadoke.com for news, blog, mailing list and more.
You would never think Keir Starmer's party had just won a landslide victory. Blimey! Help us take on the right-wing media here: https://www.patreon.com/owenjones84Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/the-owen-jones-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The episode where a big bald man has a big bald knife. Are Polly and Ben cave enthusiasts or beach enthusiasts? On this podcast, our spirit rides, aye, in the dark souls of those that follow in our wake! This episode was recorded on 10 August 2024. Email us at thedoctorswatcher@gmail.com. Follow us on Tumblr at the-doctors-watcher. I guess we still have a Twitter or whatever. Check out Circuit 23's music at http://soundcloud.com/circuit23 and email him at circuit.23@gmail.com. Listen to his album “Mens Vermis” at https://circuit23.bandcamp.com/album/mens-vermis.
Jonathan Clements has written a number of histories of East Asia. His latest, Rebel Island, is a history of Taiwan from the earliest times up to today. If you have any interest in the history of the region this book is an absolute must read. And while it is a serious and meticulously researched history it is also genuinely gripping with 'Blimey! I didn't know that!' moments on every other page. Really terrific stuff.We ran rather long so I split it into two parts. Part 1 takes us all the way up to the eve of the arrival of the Japanese who established it as a colony in 1895. Jonathan was a hugely entertaining and enthusiastic guest and the depth of his learning really shines through.And do check out Jonathan's blog, the eccentrically named Schoolgirl Milky Crisis. Full of fascinating history and, indeed, reviews of Finnish cinema!
David Waldman joined our sad lot who watched the first debate. Although with a little bit of space David decided that the debate wasn't the worst that could be imagined. Greg Dworkin filled his Raft O' Stories™ at ports around the world to reveal what we (hopefully) have in common. Sacre bleu! France blocked the takeover by their far right, even when it meant sacrificing their own to do it. Blimey! The British rejected its right wing as well, even if they couldn't accept a Prime Minister who looks like John Oliver portraying Thurston Howell III. Around the world, Gen X drives the right, but the rest of us are wising up to the ultraright takeover. How about the U.S. of A., land of the free, home of the brave? The more people learn about Project 2025 the less they like it. Which is why Donald Trump will let the states… or the federal government decide… or the Supreme Court, who cares? Whatever exonerates him the most. Donald will have people to take care of that, and you. But, what about Joe? And/or Kamala? Well, buck up buttercups, Biden's back, baby.
“Send us a Hey Now!”Round 11 of the F1 2024 season and we head to Austria for the second of the triple header.Rob is joined by Rob this week after he has recovered from the illness that stopped him joining last week.And what a race week to recover for!It was a sprint weekend and in addition it's fair to say that there was plenty for the two Robs to discuss!!The running order of this episode is:1) News & Social2) Vale's Video Vault https://youtu.be/mpoPH6HQ6wE?si=0lT8Lyln3JB4OaQX Lollipopman. Spanish GP review. Checo at the end for me!!https://youtu.be/Y3q6HypTnwE?si=XVVfXtE3D9izpd9E Charles & Carlos' blindfolded guide to the Austrian Grand Prix. Ferrari channel. 3 minshttps://youtu.be/wjZrZ9UYCaA?si=w56UC6Y10jj4OI85 Can GP avoid Track Limits in Austria? | Oracle Virtual Laps. Oracle Red Bull Racing. 2 mins3) Austrian GP ReviewPractice, qualy, sprint qualy, sprint race, and race reviewKing of the pits vs the pitsPitlane Paul4) Fantasy Updates5) British GP previewWe would love you to join our Discord server so use this invite link to join us https://discord.gg/XCyemDdzGBIf you would like to sign up for the 100 Seconds of DRS then drop us an email stating your time zone to dirtysideofthetrack@gmail.comAlso please like, follow, and share our content on Threads, X, Facebook, & Instagram, links to which can be found on our website.One last call to arms is that if you do listen along and like us then first of all thanks, but secondly could we ask that you leave a review and a 5 star rating - please & thanks!If you would like to help the Dirty Side promote the show then we are now on Buy me a coffee where 100% of anything we get will get pumped into advertising the show https://www.buymeacoffee.com/dirtysideofthetrackDirty Side of the Track is hosted on Buzzsprout https://www.buzzsprout.com/Support the Show.
Chapter 6 - The Journey From Platform Nine and Three-QuartersFF: Not who Hedwig is named after, but Saint Hedwig of Andechs (1174–1243), Duchess of Silesia, is the patron saint of orphans.Q1 - Is Hagrid an idiot for not showing Harry how to get on the platform?He passed a round-faced boy who was saying, “Gran, I've lost my toad again.”“Blimey,” said the other twin. “Aren't you —?” “He is,” said the first twin. “Aren't you?” he added to Harry.” “What?” said Harry. “Harry Potter,” chorused the twins. “Oh, him,” said Harry. “I mean, yes, I am.”They leant out of the window for her to kiss them goodbye and their younger sister began to cry. “Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.” “We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat.” “George.” “Only joking, mum.”Q2 - What is your first impression of the Weasley family?Houses flashed past the window. Harry felt a great leap of excitement. He didn't know what he was going to — but it had to be better than what he was leaving behind.“Are all your family wizards?” asked Harry, who found Ron just as interesting as Ron found him. “Er — yes, I think so,” said Ron. “I think mums got a second cousin who's an accountant, but we never talk about him.”Q3 - What is your first impression of Ron?Q4 - What sweet sounds the best?Bertie Botts Every Flavor BeanDroobles Best Chewing GumChocolate FrogsPumpkin PastiesCauldron CakesLiquorice Wands“Go on, have a pasty,” said Harry, who had never had anything to share before or, indeed, anyone to share it with. It was a nice feeling, sitting there with Ron, eating their way through all Harry's pasties and cakes (the sandwiches lay forgotten).Q5 - Is 500 chocolate frog cards an alarming amount of chocolate frogs to eat?When they shook their heads, he wailed, “I've lost him! He keeps getting away from me!” “He'll turn up,” said Harry.Q6 - First impressions of Hermione Granger?“You'll soon find out some wizarding families are better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.” He held out his hand to shake Harry's, but Harry didn't take it. “I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks,” he said coolly.Q7 - What do you think of Scabbers the rat's bravery in biting Goyle's knuckle?Chapter 7 - The Sorting Hat“Welcome to Hogwarts,” said professor MGonagall“There's nothing hidden in your head the sorting hat can't see.”Q1 - If you had to create a way for students to be sorted into their houses without using the sorting hat, what would you do?Q2 - So what house are you?Q3 - Why do you think it took so long to sort Seamus Finnigan and Neville Longbottom?“You could be great, you know, it's all here in your head, and slytherin will help you on the way to greatness, no doubt about that — no? Well, if you're sure — better be Gryffindor!”Q4 - Why do you think Harry nearly got sorted into Slytherin?“Before we begin out banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!”“Is he — a bit mad?” he asked Percy uncertainly. “Mad?” said Percy airily. “He's a genius! Best wizard in the world! But he is a bit, yes. Potatoes, Harry?”Q5 - Do you know what mint humbugs are?Q6 - Where do you think these ghosts come from?It happened suddenly. The hook-nosed teacher looked past Quirrell's turban straight into Harry's eyes — and a sharp, hot pain shot across the car on Harry's forehead.Everybody finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march. Dumbledore conducted their last few lines with his wand, and when they had finished, he was one of those who clapped loudest. “Ah, music,” he said, wiping his eyes. “A magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot.”Q7 - Do you know what a poltergeist is?Chapter 8 - The Potions MasterQ1 - If you had a scar, where would you want it and what would you want it of?Q2 - Do you think Harry is going to get married? If so, do you think he'd marry any of the people who were introduced in the book so far?At the start-of-term Banquet, Harry had got the idea that Professor Snape disliked him. By the end of the first Potions lesson, he knew he'd been wrong. Snape didn't dislike Harry — he hated him.Q3 - Do you think there's any reason why Snape would hate Harry or is just one of those let-me-pick-a-student-to-be-mean-to-on-the-first-day kind of thing?Q4 - Is Fang a boar or a dog?Q5 - First impression of McGonagall and Snape?Chapter 9 - The Midnight DuelHarry had never believed he would meet a boy he hated more than Dudley, but that was before he met Draco Malfoy.Q1 - Would you like to have a remembrall?Q2 - So far in the Hogwarts experience, what event/class would you be most excited for and why?WHAM! — a thus and a nasty crack and Neville lay, face down, on the grass in a heap. His broomstick was still rising higher and higher and started to drift lazily toward the Forbidden Forest and out of sight.Q3 - Was it Nevilles issue for falling off his broom or was it his broomstick?Harry saw, as though in slow motion, the ball rise up in the air and then start to fall. He leant forward and pointed his broom handle down — next second he was gathering speed in a steep dive, racing the ball — wind whistled in his ears, mingles with the screams of people watching — he stretched out his hand — a foot from the ground he caught it, just in time to pull his broom straight, and he toppled gently on to the grass with the Remembrall clutched safely in his hand.Q4 - What did you initially think was going to happen to Harry after McGonagall caught him flying?“Wood?” Thought Harry, bewildered; was Wood a cane she was going to use on him?Q5 - Is it a bit too early to make Harry Seeker after one nice catch of a Remembrall?Q6 - Would you like to learn how to fly on a broom?“And what if I wave my wand and nothing happens?” “Throw it away and punch him on the nose,” Ron suggested.Q7 - What are your thoughts on Draco Malfoy?“What do they think they're doing, keeping a thing like that locked up in a school?” Ron said finally.Q8 - Is Hogwarts really safe…like really?Q9 - Does Steak and Kidney pie actually sound good?
It's all going down to the final day. Fulham's kite training didn't work after all. Marcus, Jim, Vish and Andy wave farewell to Burnley and Luton Town, who exited the Premier League more quickly than Casemiro exited his own penalty area. Meanwhile, Marcus and Jim tell everyone about their magical time at Craven Cottage and – suddenly – Crystal Palace are the most exciting team in the league. Blimey! There's also the small matter of the title race and – speaking of the best – it's high time for a Phil Neville update…We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Football Ramble: Time Tunnel', a journey through football history like no other. Expect loads of laughs, all your Ramble favourites, and absolutely everything on Pete's USB stick. Get your tickets at footballramblelive.com!Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: show@footballramble.com.Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows for just $5 per month: patreon.com/footballramble.***Please take the time to rate us on Spotify. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Hi. Some More News head writer Dave Bell joins Katy and Cody to discuss the House of Representatives voting to force the sale of TikTok, Kate Middleton's whereabouts, Boeing's struggles, and Al Pacino's Best Picture presentation. Go to ground.news/smn to stay fully informed. Subscribe through our link for as little as $1 a month or get 40% off unlimited access this month only. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/morenews Go to shopify.com/morenews to take your retail business to the next level today. So if you want to take ownership of your health, start with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkAG1.com/morenews. That's drinkAG1.com/morenews. Check it out. Right now, Hungryroot is offering Some More News listeners 40% off your first delivery and free veggies for life. Just go to Hungryroot.com/MORENEWS, to get 40% off your first delivery and get your free veggies. That's Hungryroot.com/MORENEWS. Don't forget to use our link, so they know we sent you. Check out our MERCH STORE: https://shop.somemorenews.com SUBSCRIBE to SOME MORE NEWS: https://tinyurl.com/ybfx89rh Subscribe to the Even More News and SMN audio podcasts...
© 2020-2026 Ivy Podcast Discovery LLC
