Connected Divergents

In this episode, I read a personal essay about growing up as an undiagnosed PDA-profile autistic child. It's a story about control, shame, and the misunderstood ways resistance shows up in kids who are fighting for autonomy. I talk about meltdowns, self-harm, emotional neglect, and the long path toward healing and self-trust.This is about what happens when you bury parts of yourself to survive... and what it looks like to slowly bring them home.Content note: This episode includes reflections on childhood trauma, spanking, emotional neglect, self-harm, and depression. Please listen with care.

The start of this episode features Biscuit's purring! :D Quick lil dive on how if you're neurodivergent, you might be better-off setting process-based goals instead of outcome-based goals. Outcome-based goals tend to be fairly rigid, and often feel very 'far away'. With process-based goals, we are here to have you feeling focusing on there here & now, and the present that's right in front of you—not a distant dream for a some-day, one-day future! 

In this episode, I'm sharing a recent discovery about a "program" that runs in my brain when I'm feeling unsafe: the belief that I need to do MORE to fix it and reach safety. But the truth is, doing more & more & more only heightens my stress and anxiety—and makes me feel very, very unsafe. I'm talking about a framework and perspective on what actually reinforces the experience of safety—not to fix the problem at hand, but to close the loop on the "I'm not doing enough" program itself.

I think I might actually be coming out of burnout—and the turning point was... an allergy spray? In this episode, I'm sharing my experiences navigating burnout, the subtle shifts and surprising changes I've been noticing lately, and how a new medication has unexpectedly started reshaping my relationship with work, rest, and energy. If you've ever struggled with burnout, this one's for you.

Disclaimer: This episode is not medical advice. It reflects my personal, highly subjective experiences with ACT, CBT, and DBT. Please talk to a qualified professional for support tailored to you!Resources:dbt.toolsBook rec: ACT Made Simple by Russ Harris

In today's episode I'm sharing a tool for reflection and curiosity that I am LOVING for building intimacy around the things you want/love to do (but are finding very hard to do!). Updates on how I've figured out what works for my brain & body around movement, and ways that I've incorporated what works for me with movement into my writing practice!Instagram Post: Thinking about doing the thing COUNTS as doing the thingEssay: 'This Counts as Work' for Burnout Recovery

In this episode, I chat through my thoughts on why I don't use transactional rewards systems. This is more of an exploratory, verbally-processing kind of episode as I try to untangle my feelings about rewards, motivation, and what actually works for me (and maybe for you too!). It's a casual, chatty deep dive into the nuance of motivation and why gold stars don't always do it for me.

An introspective exploration after reading Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman! Thoughts about what I enjoyed from this book, what didn't hit for me, and what still chewing on after reading in. SPOILERS AHEAD!

I've felt this way for a long time... Why do I feel such a strong dislike towards reading books about ADHD? I'm an ADHD coach! Should I enjoy them??? Diving in with you to explore why, and sharing some *book recs* for the books I absolutely freaking ADORED and what made them different!**Thank you for being patient as I refigure my audio quality settings! This episode has a lot of pops in it, and I wish it didn't—I promise I'm trying really hard to work out new settings after having to move my setup into the hotel post-hurricane!**

I've had a REALIZATION hit me the last few days on why I'm no longer using apps/services like Flow Club (Ep 57) or even the Capacity Compass I talked about earlier this week (Ep 59)—they are too filled with *demands* to be sustainable for my brain wiring. Here's what happened for me to realize this, and the "strategy" I am replacing them with to reclaim my autonomy!Episode 3: Intentional NoveltyApps/Services Mentioned:RescueTimeBoss As a ServiceFlow Club

Look, some days you're ready to conquer the world and some days putting on matching socks feels like a win. In this episode, we're diving into a chill way to roll with whatever energy you've got: the high/medium/low capacity compass! It's like a choose-your-own-adventure for your tasks, but make it realistic. No more pretending you're a productivity robot - instead, pick from your personalized menu of options based on whether you're feeling like a sparkly unicorn or more like a sleepy sloth. Because hey, doing something small still counts as doing the thing!

The difference between setting "goals" and setting "intentions" and sharing my dreams for 2025! Do you have some for this year? Share with me @comfortandkindness on Instagram, or tina@comfortandkindness.co. You can also find my latest essays & newsletter archive over on Substack! 

I love feeling shiny. But sometimes, I'm my sparkly, warm self and it ends up getting me hurt. Is this just masking? Is this a trauma response—fawning? Is it patriarchal expectations that have been brainwashed into me? Or is it my authentic nature? How do I untangle it all? And what's the reason why all of the help I've received in therapy ("just set boundaries!!) has never been enough? Find out why with me in this episode.

Have you ever tried the platform 'Flow Club' for body doubling?! I actually am so surprised, but I really have been enjoying it this week!! Breaking down why I prefer it over other platforms like FocusMate—this is coming as someone who historically has loathed and detested body doubling on principle (and I have a whole episode that explains why—Ep 41, When body doubling feels like Masking!). Take a peek!! Here's a link to try it out!

Just a quick little ep to break the seal for me when it comes to podcast recording again—Updating you on my life after Hurricane Helene, the challenges I am navigating, the priorities I have for taking care of myself, and the mindsets that are carrying me through. ❤️‍

In this episode, I dive into the difference between intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation, especially for those of us with ADHD. Learn how to build and nurture your own intrinsic motivation to get things done in a way that feels good and sustainable. Whether you're tired of relying on external rewards or struggling to tap into your inner drive, this one's for you! 

DISCLAIMER: I am not a personal trainer or a medical professional!! This is not medical advice! These are just my thoughts, opinions, and experiences as someone who has a strong personal connection to this and has struggled for *years* with negative and self-punishing experiences around movement. Thanks for listening! 

DISCLAIMER: This is not medical advice! In this ep I am diving way back to my early childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, college, and working life about my misdiagnoses & all of the meds that I took that were not right for my brain—what it felt like to try stimulants after my ADHD diagnosis, and why I later decided to get off of them in 2022. Currently contemplating whether I want to give stimulants another shot or not, but being okay sitting in the unknown. Show Notes: Growing up as an internalized PDAer from the At Peace Parents Podcast

In this episode I say a big thank you for 10,000 downloads and share what it means to me to be able to show up authentically without masking, and without the thought of, "If I don't mask, then I won't be perceived as worthy/good enough." Chatting about how academia + education pressures us to write in a certain "professional" way instead of cultivating our authentic voice (at least for my line of education!) and how I used makeup as "armor" for so many years. And also about the idea of "regressing" and how yes, it can be true in some ways, but we're so often missing out on the fuller picture!Thank you so much again for 10k!!!

Talking about ADHD+AuDHD-affirming tips for journaling and why it can be helpful to keep a "lab notebook" style journal instead of a diary to help you experiment with your brain ☺️Episodes referenced: Episode 9, Storm Journaling & Emotional Dysregulation + Episode 19, How to Come Back to "Doing the Thing" After Time Away (about persistence!)YouTube video referenced ~ Commonplace books for self-discovery

What does it feel like to be free from the heavy, sticky state of "DEMAND," and enter the lighter and freer space of autonomy and personal agency, away from demands? 

What are "comfort zones" when you're AuDHD and how do we "get out of our comfort zone" when we're neurodivergent??? In this episode, I take a neurodiversity-affirming approach to the idea of comfort zones, sharing a few examples of how I've approached it in my own life. Listen in for nuggets about making class webinars in a way that doesn't feel dangerous, Magic The Gathering and socializing as an autistic person, and dog training!

I had a meltdown this week…. And I actually embraced it? Listen in to hear some post-meltdown reflections and analysis, and my key takeaways from what I learned from this experience. (Also! I got a cat!!!)

So many of our cultural scripts tell us that there's a “right” way to do things. If you're going to write, you have to use a real computer with a keyboard. If you're going to make art, you need a studio. If you're going to do the dishes, it has to look THIS way. These scripts are worth questioning, because so often, the wisdom of our brain's resistance is saying, “There is a social script here we believe to be correct and ‘right', but it doesn't not work for me to do it this way. I need more flexibility. I need another way. I need to figure out what's right for me.” 

You PROBABLY have a "far away why" for the things you want & need to do. But do you have a "close why"? Is it close enough? Listen to learn more about this expanded neurodiversity-affirming framework for "finding your why!"

"I just don't wanna" and The Power of a Visit

If you have something pop into your head about yourself or your life that you want to make a change in, **action is not step one**. Action is actually step FOUR, and there are three other critically important stages to move through before even beginning to take action. Listen to hear more about a self-compassionate approach to creating change in our lives.

If you've ever used body doubling in the past to great success, but have found that the shininess of this tool has worn off for you, and now you're at the point where you know you *could* use body doubling resources, but your brain is like NAHHHHH.... This episode is for you. If you have thoughts to share about ideas for unmasked & radically neurodivergent-affirming body doubling, please reach out to me at @comfortandkindness on Instagram or tina@comfortandkindness.co!

Just wanted to share an update post-post-meltdown now that I'm feeling better & my head is feeling less fuzzy/cloudy. Grateful for the support of kind people. May we all find our people.

This week I had an autistic meltdown. IT WAS NOT FUN! I wanted to share my insights and reflections on it, in case it helps anyone feel less alone in the experience. I see you. I'm with you.

Are you carrying an old wound like me, where you feel like your needs are an inconvenience to others, even though all of the evidence you have suggests otherwise? And even though maybe you know its objectively "a good thing" to communicate your needs & your feelings, you're also kind of like... BUT WHY? Why why why? Why would I do this? Why not just deal with it myself? Aren't my feelings my own responsibility??? What's the point of sharing what your needs and your feelings are when you can theoretically regulate your own emotions??... #lonewolf. If you're reading this and feeling like, "Hi, that's totally me," this episode is for you. Sharing stories & experiences in this ep to highlight the journey from, "I should be able to deal with this on my own" to, "I want to loop you in about how I'm feeling, because I trust you."

In this episode I talk about neuroplasticity frameworks for feeling proud & celebrating ourselves when we have a disconnect between the cognitive experience of—"Yeah, I would like to feel proud of myself about this"—and the deeper, embodied, somatic and emotional experience of feeling proud of ourselves. Also, in this one, I sing you a little song ☺️

"Your brain will do it when it's ready to do it," is a profound truth for me. BUT, sometimes, we can't always wait! Sometimes we have hard deadlines and rigid timelines. So, what do we do then??? The mindset that I talk about today dives into a more active approach that still allows for the intuition and subconscious-level processing that many ADHD + AuDHD brains *need* when it comes to doing the things we want to do.

WHAT IF IT'S ACTUALLY MEANT TO BE EASY??? In this episode we dive into resource states and neuroplasticity frameworks for creative problem solving when we're experiencing executive dysfunction!

In this episode I explore with the pod's first guest, Peter Harrison about autism assessments, masking & unmasking, and what it feels like to mask (and how to approach unmasking!). 

Okay, cool, let's normalize shit weeks, yes... But what do we do when every week feels like a shit week? How do we know what requires radical self-acceptance, and what requires radical change? In this episode I talk about the circumstances in which it might actually be a good thing for someone blow up their whole life.

New Year's got you feeling down? Me too, friend. Me too. If you're not feeling very "woo" or sparkly and shiny at the start of 2024, this message of comfort is for you.

In this episode I talk about uncommonly talked about hyperfixations!! It's not all sunshines and rainbows and crochet amigurumi on this ship! We dive into the experience of hyperfixating on PEOPLE, body-focused and medical hyperfixations, and a "perfectionism" hyperfixation on shiny things in our environment. I also mention how ADHD meds affected my experience of many of these—listen in! **CW: I talk about cancer in this episode**

Editor's note: Hobbies aren't meant to stress you out *without your own enthusiastic consent*. Like, skydiving? Probably stressful. But if it's what you signed up for, because you LOVE IT, because it's worth it to you—then hell yeah. I'm rooting for you. Rock on. But if we're talking about... crochet? Journaling? Scrapbooking??? Learning how to roller-skate again? A different perspective can be helpful.I hope you remember to have fun

Intimacy is important for human relationships—and it's *also* important for the things we want to do!! These are a reflection of the human relationship with have with ourselves. So, how do we build intimacy, and why should we?? Listen to learn more!

In this episode I lay out common pitfalls of the dreaded "to do list" and explore ideas on how to approach task initiation executive dysfunction in ways that are more accessible for your ADHD!

Transition time, decompression time, and time to recharge—this is NOT procrastination!!!! Transition time is ESSENTIAL for neurodivergent brains. Learn the "why" in this episode. 

If you experience hyperfixation spending or impulsive spending (or have an interesting relationship with grief, BECAUSE, Y'KNOW, MY ADHD BRAIN SPAGHETTI'S ON HERE SOMETIMES), this episode is for you!!! In this ep, I talk about some of the main frameworks for impulsive + hyperfixation spending that I teach in my Impulsive Spending Masterclass.

In this episode I talk about why it's so freaking hard to know what your needs are when you're late-diagnosed neurodivergent, and a strategy for connecting with your intuition! 

Here is one of my FAVORITE support tools for when I'm understimulated, or even for when I'm just wanting to follow my dopamine but I have no idea what I want to do! Create a library for yourself, a physical menu of options—make it as visual and accessible as possible! 

This is my love letter, my mission statement, for NORMALIZING having absolute garbage weeks. Have you been having a rough day, a rough week, a rough year? This message is for you. Not everything we experience is meant to be fixed—not every hard moment means that we're broken.

Do you frequently find yourself looking at the clock and saying, "AHHH!! I have no time!! I've wasted my entire day!!!" If this is you, this is the episode for you! Here are some mindset downloads based on neuroplasticity techniques to require your brain to hold different beliefs—(on purpose! Very very very intentionally!!!) and require the actually incredibly neutral trigger point of looking at a clock. This simple shift I talk about in this episode creates nervous system safety, supports unshaming, and is aligned with radical self-acceptance... and also break away from all-or-nothing thinking!! Also, like, hi, your brain has a non-linear perception of time, remember?!?! So when we say, "I don't have enough time"... TIME IS A CONSTRUCT! Have you seen how fast time goes when you hyperfocus?!!??! Have you seen how slow it goes when you're bored!?!?! We can work *with* this part of our brains instead!

Okay, so we've heard of bare minimums, but what about bare maximums??? Do we even need bare maximums? When is it a good idea to use them? And is hyperfocus a bad thing??? Listen to this episode to learn more! And if you are looking for it, here's the link to sign up for my Neurodivergent Love Letters in your inbox! 

Do you ever feel guilty for not "resting enough" on the weekends? Or have you tried to make sure you're getting enough rest by taking naps, chilling on the couch, watching Netflix—and found yourself feeling bored AF? Here is my love letter to you: Rest doesn't *always* have to look like physical rest. It can!! And we love that!!! But rest for your brain can actually look highly active—especially with ADHD! Listen to learn more!

Do you have a hard time coming back into your routines after they've been disrupted? Maybe you went on vacation or traveled for work, maybe you had an unexpected chaotic life even happen (me + Hurricane Idalia), or maybe you just burned out. In this episode, I walk you through gentle approaches toward coming back to doing the things you want to do.