Podcasts about Neurotypical

On Neurotypical and Neurodivergent Relationships: A Discussion with Dr. Cindy ArielDr. Cindy Ariel is a psychologist specializing in neurodivergent and neurodivergent relationships, and in her discussion with Barry and Dave, she shares insights about the specific challenges and unique qualities of such relationships. Cindy emphasizes that successful relationships require both partners to focus on mutual compatibility rather than trying to fix the other person, and how allowing both partners to be authentic can deepen connection and understanding. Given that relationships are a huge part of Dave's work, he actively contributes his perspective to the discussion with Cindy.Learn more on our website!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you have ADHD and grief shows up, do you stay busy? Keep moving? Find something else to do? Stay ahead of the quiet? And then through it all does it find you anyway? Waking up at 2 AM, out of nowhere, when you thought you were past it?That's not you doing grief wrong. That's just how ADHD brains grieve. And this episode is about what to actually do when it catches up.Last time, David and Isabelle unpacked why ADHD brains seem to grieve in the wrong order. Why you can stand dry-eyed at a funeral and then fall apart completely at a graduation. And why neither of those things means something is wrong with you. Then they get into the part nobody usually makes time for: what to actually do when it shows up.In this episode:Why ADHD brains get practical when grief shows up, and what it costs when everyone goes homeThe empirical case David makes from his own life for why how much you cry has nothing to do with how much you lovedWhat it actually means to grieve something that isn't a person. A city. A chapter. A version of yourself that no longer fits.Isabelle's therapist's tool for making a date with your grief so it stops ambushing you at 2 AM-------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Time Agnosia The ADHD experience of not being able to feel time passing the way neurotypical brains do. In this episode it comes up as one explanation for why grief doesn't hit when everyone expects it to. Your brain isn't programmed to feel things on the service's schedule. It hits when it hits, in its own time, in a future moment you weren't ready for.Asynchronous Processing What happens when your brain doesn't process the big emotional stuff in real time. You can be right in the middle of something and feel completely fine. Then weeks later on a walk, out of nowhere, it lands. That's not numbness. That's just how your brain works.Moral Reasoning Isabelle brings up something from a philosophy course that's stayed with her. The idea that a friend is someone you agree to mourn if they die before you. That choosing to be close to someone is already a quiet acknowledgment that one of you will miss the other. She has never forgotten it.Practical Griever The person who, when loss shows up, immediately pivots to action. Makes the calls, brings the food, goes and cleans the house. David and Isabelle both recognize themselves here. The thing is, the grief doesn't go anywhere. It just waits until the room gets quiet.Ambiguous Losses Grief without a clear name or a socially accepted reason to mourn. Moving away from a city you loved. Losing a version of yourself. A friendship that ended without a conversation. Isabelle talks about still carrying grief from leaving Chicago. These losses are real. They just rarely get the space real grief deserves."Nora" David and Isabelle's shorthand for norepinephrine, the brain chemical wired into mood, attention, and stress response. Comes up here in the context of making sure your basic needs are met before you try to sit with the hard stuff. Nora has to be okay before grief can move through you the way it needs to.Duration Measure Isabelle's term for the container David's timer approach creates. When you decide you're going to sit with grief for a set amount of time and then get up, that's a duration measure. It makes the feeling tolerable because it has edges. You're not drowning in it. You know when it ends.Bobby Richards Isabelle's husband and the new Executive Producer of Something Shiny: ADHD. Gets a very well-earned shoutout in this episode for the audio upgrade you're hopefully hearing right now.Autonomic Nervous System The system that runs the involuntary stuff including heart rate, breathing, and stress response. Comes up in Isabelle's deep dive into dyspraxia and how the brain's predictive processing works differently in neurodivergent people.Dyspraxia A motor coordination difference that often shows up alongside ADHD and autism. Isabelle has a paradigm shift in this episode about what dyspraxia actually is and how it connects to the brain's predictive software. Why change is so dysregulating. Why your body is always ten steps behind your brain.AuDHD Having both autism and ADHD. Comes up as Isabelle and David get into the overlap between the two and what it means for how neurodivergent people process change, repetition, and sensory experience.-------

If you have ADHD, you might already know this particular kind of shame. You held it together at a super sad event (let's say a funeral). Dry-eyed, composed, functioning. And then weeks later you completely lost it over something small like a scratch in a piece of furniture, a voicemail you couldn't get a read on, or a realizing you missed claiming a hold on the book at the library you'd been waiting months for. Then you thought there was something wrong with you for not feeling grief or frustration when you were supposed to. Or for feeling it so hard in all the wrong places. Here's the thing: there's nothing wrong with you! And this episode is going to tell you why.This conversation with David and Isabelle started with the last ten percent of a move that never gets finished, with Christmas lights still up in January, with holiday cards that feel impossible to take down because taking them down means saying goodbye. You probably have your version of all of this. Isabelle shares her story of an IKEA table, a scrap truck, and how when her husband Bobby gave the table a voice in the alley while she watched from the window, she burst into tears. If any of this strikes a cord, David shares a reframe for all of these grief-based adventures. It's specific, it's kind, and it's going to rearrange some things you've been carrying around for a while.In this episode:Why ADHD brains declare mission accomplished at 95 percent done, and why the last bit never happensWhy dopamine lives in anticipation, not completion, and what that means for the finish line of anythingWhat Toy Story, Beauty and the Beast, and The Iron Giant actually did to neurodivergent brains (and why you always buy the wonky stuffed animal)Why ADHD brains tend to hold onto everything or onto nothing, and what both are reaching forWhy you couldn't cry at the funeral but sobbed over an IKEA table, and what David says grief actually is-------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:The ROI Equation What David calls the moment at 95 percent done when your anxiety drops, your brain decides the job is basically finished, and completing the last bit suddenly feels pointless. Not laziness. Not a character flaw. Just math.Dopamine The brain chemical most associated with ADHD. It gets released in anticipation of a reward, not when the reward actually arrives. This is why ordering the pizza feels better than eating it, why the first ninety percent of a project is exciting and the last ten is impossible, and why the Christmas lights are still up in February.Norepinephrine (Nora) Comes in after dopamine and helps your brain make meaning of what just happened. Also wired into the stress and anxiety response, which is why finishing something can feel worse than you expected. David and Isabelle call it "nora" throughout the episode.Existential Intervention David's term for the conscious act of changing the meaning you attach to finishing something, since your brain won't generate that motivation on its own. Instead of waiting to feel ready, you decide what finishing actually means to you. That decision becomes the thing that gets you across the line.Near-peer mentoring Learning from someone just a few steps ahead of you rather than an expert at a distance. Comes up in the context of the pandemic, when both David and Isabelle realized everyone's life looked a lot more like theirs than they'd assumed.Animism The tendency to believe objects have feelings or inner lives. It shows up as why Isabelle is nearly in tears watching an IKEA table get picked up by a scrap truck, why David buys the dying flowers at the store, and why you feel genuinely bad about donating a stuffed animal with slightly off stitching. Most neurodivergent people have it. The episode makes a case for why that makes complete sense.-------

In this Neurodivergent Reddit Stories episode of The Neurodivergent Experience, Jordan James and Simon Scott unpack three relatable neurodivergent struggles: dyspraxia and coordination issues, the confusing world of neurotypical “social greasing,” and the never-ending battle with sleep.Funny, chaotic, emotional, and painfully relatable — this episode is a deep dive into the everyday realities of living in a neurodivergent brain.Our Sponsors:

If you have ADHD and you got your diagnosis as an adult, odds are it felt like a spotlight switched on over your entire life and everything, every struggle, every pattern, every thing you couldn't explain about yourself is suddenly lit up.Afdhel Aziz has spent decades building an extraordinary creative life. Writer, filmmaker, keynote speaker, Forbes contributor. He even recorded an entire album in his living room last year. Through it all buildling a framework that made his career work without knowing it was an accommodation. All of it running on a neurodivergent brain he didn't have a name for yet. Then about a month and a half before this conversation, that changed.What you're about to hear is what happens when David and Isabelle get to sit with someone who is learning to understand their ADHD in the moment. Unpacking in real time what his brain has been doing all along, why the things that worked worked, why the things that didn't couldn't, and what it means to finally see yourself clearly after years of a blurry reflection. The epiphanies were still arriving while we were recording. You'll feel that.In this episode:What a late ADHD diagnosis feels like when you're already successfulThe Four P's framework (Purpose, Priorities, Process, People) and how Afdhel built it without knowing it was an accommodationWhy ADHD and anxiety create a loop that keeps you stuck, and what breaks itWhat happened when he told his team about his diagnosis and the instruction manual that changed how they work togetherHow his marriage shifted when he stopped trying to be good at things he wasn't good atAfdhel's self-forgiveness practice: "I forgive myself for judging myself for doing X"Accommodations plus Community equals Self-Esteem and why that equation is simpler and more powerful than it soundsWhy medication might not have to be the only path and what to do when it doesn't work for your brain-------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Inattentive ADHD One of the three presentations of ADHD, characterized primarily by difficulty sustaining attention, frequent distraction, and challenges with organization and follow-through rather than the hyperactivity most people associate with ADHD. Often goes undiagnosed longer, particularly in adults who have built workarounds without realizing it.The Four P's Afdhel's personal framework and accomodation for operating with an ADHD brain. Purpose (who you are and where you're going), Priorities (deciding what actually matters right now), Process (building systems so your brain only does the parts it's built for), and People (surrounding yourself with those who complement what you can't do alone). Learn more at afdhelaziz.com.Dave Flink Founder of the Neurodiversity Alliance, a nonprofit supporting neurodiverse students in high schools and colleges. His equation from this episode: Accommodations + Community = Self-EsteemMetacognition Thinking about your own thinking. In this episode it shows up as Afdhel's growing ability to observe his own thought patterns as they're happening and redirect before going down a rabbit hole.Saint Royale Afdhel's music project. He wrote, produced, and performed an entire album in his home studio in LA, available on Spotify.Good is the New Cool Afdhel's creative studio and book series built around purpose-driven storytelling. His most recent book, Good is the New Cool: Guide to Personal Purpose, explores how to find and build a life around your purpose. Find it here.Afdhel's Forbes Article Before this conversation happened, Afdhel wrote about Something Shiny: ADHD!. Read it here.-------

In this Neurodivergent Reddit Stories episode of The Neurodivergent Experience, Jordan James and Simon Scott unpack three relatable neurodivergent struggles: dyspraxia and coordination issues, the confusing world of neurotypical “social greasing,” and the never-ending battle with sleep.Funny, chaotic, emotional, and painfully relatable — this episode is a deep dive into the everyday realities of living in a neurodivergent brain.Our Sponsors:

Chris is an author and late-diagnosed autistic adult. For decades, he believed he was broken. Productive, capable, outwardly successful, yet constantly exhausted and quietly unraveling, he learned to survive by masking, performing, and pushing through systems that were never built for the way his mind works. He suffered through burnout, psychological trauma, and a near-total collapse. His memoir, Now That I'm Still Here: A Memoir of Ruin and Resurrection, traces his reckoning with unflinching honesty. Alongside his writing, Christopher has spent years working in international development and social impact, helping organizations measure human value, dignity, and outcomes in places where lives are often reduced to numbers. Today, he writes and speaks about autism, masking, grief, faith, and belonging, offering language for experiences that are often misunderstood or ignored.  #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #autism #disabilities #podcast #podcasts #masking #latediagnosis #notbroken www.autismresourceproject.org/podcast

Happy Neurotypical Awareness Month! Writer and podcaster Tom Salinsky joins the podcast to talk about the fact he's NOT autistic even though so many people think he is. We discuss: neurodivergent labels are important and why some people seek comfort in them while others do not. We also nerd out hard on: Dr. Who, Improv, and British Comedy. If YOU have a Neurodivergent Moment email us at neurodivergentmomentspod@gmail.comJoe & Abigoliah's Stuff:Pre-Order our Book: https://linktr.ee/ndm_bookJoin Our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/neurodivergentmomentspodTickets for Joe's Tour: https://www.livenation.co.uk/joe-wells-tickets-adp1394683Watch Abigoliah's Stand Up Special: https://youtu.be/rp1GBgUIMG4?si=FdKe6ZqbybJoo30XAbigoliah Insta: https://www.instagram.com/abigoliah/Joe's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/joewellscomedian/Show Music by: Savan DePaulPodcast Logo by: Belle Fiik https://www.instagram.com/bellefiik/Tom's Stuff: Website: https://tomsalinsky.co.uk/blog/All British Comedy Explained Podcast: https://allbritishcomedy.com/In the Print: https://kingsheadtheatre.com/whats-on/in-the-print-8y4s Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you have ADHD, chances are "just believe in yourself" has never quite landed. Not because you're broken, but because traditional self-esteem advice wasn't built for a brain like yours.In this episode, David offers a reframe that actually makes sense for neurodivergent minds: self-esteem isn't about confidence or positivity. It's about something more fundamental — the belief that you will survive what happens next. That one shift changes how you start things, why waiting to feel ready keeps you stuck, and why you can feel completely competent in one area of your life and utterly lost in another.Isabelle works through it live — and it gets uncomfortably specific. The kind of specific that might stop you mid-listen and make you go: oh. that's me.In this episode:Why "believe in yourself" feels abstract or impossible for ADHD and neurodivergent brains — and why that's not on youThe difference between self-esteem and self-efficacy, and which one actually gets you movingWhy your confidence can feel solid one day and completely gone by 4pmHow ADHD variability makes traditional self-esteem advice quietly set you up to failWhy doing something imperfectly still builds more trust in yourself than waiting until you're readyWhy outsourcing might actually be a self-esteem strategy — and when it isn't-------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Albert Bandura — The psychologist behind self-efficacy theory. Shifted the conversation from "feeling good about yourself" to something more specific: your belief that you can handle a particular situation. David respectfully disagrees with part of his model. In the best way.Self-efficacy — Your belief that you can act and influence an outcome. The key thing: it's built through experience, not feelings. You don't have to feel ready to start building it.Self-esteem (reframed) — Traditionally, how you feel about yourself. David's version: the belief that you'll survive the outcome — even when things go sideways. That shift makes it possible to act without needing confidence first.VAST (Variable Attentional Stimulation Seeking Trait) — From ADHD 2.0 by Hallowell & Ratey. A reframe of ADHD as variability of attention rather than a deficit. Your ability to focus, engage, and follow through shifts depending on context, stimulation, and internal state. Sound familiar?Norepinephrine — A neurotransmitter tied to attention and alertness. More involved in your moment-to-moment sense of I can do this than most people realize.Metacognition — Thinking about your own thinking. Useful for understanding your patterns. Also a reliable path to an overthinking spiral at 11pm. Both things are true.Self-perpetuating feedback loop — When thoughts, feelings, and behaviors keep reinforcing each other. Not acting builds doubt. Acting — even imperfectly — starts building something else instead.Neophobic — The very human tendency to resist new things. Especially loud when there's no precedent and the stakes feel like they have no bottom.-------

This week, David and Isabelle continue their conversation with Avari Brocker — Neurodiversity Alliance student advocate and founder of LearningCurb.org. Avari talks about what it felt like to go from being on her own little island to being surrounded by other neurodivergent people, and realizing (maybe for the first time) that it was actually safe to be fully herself. The group also gets into the difference between being around people who tolerate you vs. being around people who just get it. If you've ever felt exhausted from constantly managing yourself around other people or if you've ever needed a reminder that belonging is not extra, it's foundational… this one's for you!Here's what's coming your way:Why being around like-minded neurodivergent people can feel like coming homeA clear breakdown of what high masking feels like from the insideWhy shared experience can make it easier to stop overexplaining and start relaxingHow community can help you stand up for yourself in ways you might not otherwiseThe story behind Learning Curb and why its whole mission is rooted in accessA reminder that the things you needed most can become the very things you build for someone else -------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Neurodiversity Alliance: An organization that supports neurodivergent young people through leadership, mentorship, and advocacy. In this conversation, it's also the community space where David and Isabelle first connected with Avari. Learn more at TheNDAlliance.org. Dyslexia: A learning disability that affects reading, spelling, and language processing. In this conversation, Avari talks about how meaningful it was when other dyslexic people heard her speak not just about the hard parts, but the good parts too. Dysgraphia: A learning disability that affects writing. Here, it's part of the group of neurodivergent experiences Avari has already been advocating around and building resources for. The “curb cut” effect: The idea behind Learning Curb's name. Curb cuts were added to sidewalks after the Americans with Disabilities Act to support wheelchair users, but they ended up helping lots of other people too — parents with strollers, skateboarders, cyclists, and delivery workers. Avari uses that as a model for education: when you lower the barrier to access for the most vulnerable people, everybody benefits. High masking: Constantly adjusting your behavior, communication, or presentation so you seem more acceptable, understandable, or “normal” to other people. Avari describes doing this in neurotypical spaces and contrasts it with the relief of not needing to do it so much in neurodivergent community. Neurospicy: A playful community term some neurodivergent people use for themselves. Isabelle uses it here while talking about the way neurospicy conversations can go from breadcrumb-level sharing to a full French dip hoagie in about two seconds. Narrative Reasoning: Avari's phrase for the way her brain explains things through story, analogy, and comparison that other people can understand. Neurotypical: People whose brains work in ways that are more socially expected or normalized. In this conversation, Avari contrasts neurotypical spaces with neurodivergent ones, especially in terms of masking, safety, and how much self-management is required. Love bombing: A phrase Avari uses jokingly while talking about how quickly people bonded at the Neurodiversity Alliance. In context, she's naming the relief of being able to connect intensely without immediately worrying that it's “too much.” “English is just three languages in a trench coat”: Avari's explanation for why English spelling is chaos, and Isabelle immediately clocks it as the best saying ever!Night Witches: The nickname given by German soldiers during World War II to the Soviet Union's all-female 588th Night Bomber Regiment, known for flying dangerous nighttime bombing missions against Nazi forces. Isabelle brings them up as an example of the kind of fully formed special-interest tangent that can come pouring out once someone takes the bait in a neurodivergent conversation. -------

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What Therapists Need to Know About Neurodivergent Clients and Families: An Interview with David Smith, LCSW Curt and Katie talk with David Smith about neurodiversity-affirming therapy, autism, ADHD, PDA, family systems, and burnout for neurodivergent therapists. David shares both clinical expertise and lived experience as an autistic therapist, offering practical guidance for working more effectively with neurodivergent clients and the families around them. About Our Guest: K. David Smith, LCSW K. David Smith, LCSW, is an autistic therapist who provides neurodiversity-affirming, trauma-informed therapy online in 5 states (Oregon, California, Idaho, Vermont, and Florida). He also provides clinical supervision for therapists working toward LCSW or LPC licensure in Oregon, particularly those who are neurodivergent themselves or who are passionate about supporting neurodivergent clients. In addition, he provides consultation, training, and workshops for medical practices and professionals, other therapists, employers, and school districts about ways to become more neurodiversity-affirming and supportive of neurodivergent people. Key Takeaways - Therapists often miss neurodivergence entirely and may treat anxiety, depression, or “thought errors” without considering whether a client is struggling in environments that were not built for their nervous system. - Neurotypical therapists can work well with neurodivergent clients when they lead with curiosity, attunement, flexibility, and a willingness to adapt how therapy is structured. - PDA can look like defiance, but David reframes it as an anxiety- and threat-based response to demands. Traditional rewards and consequences may backfire. - Neurodivergence in families is often intergenerational, with different neurotypes shaping attachment, communication, expectations, and family roles. - Neurodivergent therapists need more than generic self-care. Sustainable practice may require reducing demands, grounding, rest, and nervous-system-informed regulation. Full show notes and transcript will be available at mtsgpodcast.com. Join the Modern Therapist Community: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/therapyreimagined Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/mtsgpodcast Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/therapyreimagined Modern Therapist's Survival Guide Creative Credits: Voice Over by DW McCann https://www.facebook.com/McCannDW/ Music by Crystal Grooms Mangano https://groomsymusic.com/

This week, David and Isabelle sit down with Avari Brocker — Neurodiversity Alliance student advocate and founder of Learning Curb — for a conversation about something so many neurodivergent people carry quietly for years: knowing you're different, only seeing your deficits, and not having language for why life feels so much harder than it seems to for everyone else.Avari shares what it was like to be diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia at 16 after struggling for most of her life, and why the worst thing she thought she might hear was that something wasn't actually wrong. David and Isabelle unpack why that fear lands so deeply, especially for high-achieving, high-masking kids who get told they're just too anxious or “you'll be fine” while they're privately drowning.Avari also shares how that late diagnosis lit a fire under LearningCurb.org, the resource hub she built so other neurodivergent kids and families don't have to spend a year desperately searching for answers while they're still in the middle of struggling.If you've ever thought, “I know something's different, but I don't know what”… if you've ever worried that a label would make things worse… or if you've ever needed someone to say there's a reason this has felt this hard, this one's for you.Here's what's coming your way:Why the label you fear can sometimes be the thing that finally brings reliefA powerful breakdown of what it means to grow up seeing only your deficits and not your strengthsWhy high-masking, high-achieving kids can get missed for yearsHow research, self-understanding, and advocacy can change the trajectory of someone's lifeWhat Avari built after diagnosis — and why it matters for neurodivergent kids and families now-------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Neurodiversity Alliance: An organization that supports neurodivergent young people through leadership, mentorship, and advocacy. In this conversation, it's also the community space where David and Isabelle first connected with Avari.Dyslexia: A learning disability that affects reading, spelling, and language processing. In this episode, Avari talks about finally having language for why reading and spelling had felt so hard for so long.Dysgraphia: A learning disability that affects writing. It can show up in handwriting, spelling, and getting thoughts onto the page. Avari references how physically hard writing tasks could be for her.LearningCurb.org: Avari's resource hub for neurodivergent kids and families. She created it to give people one place to find tools, support, and information for different neurodiverse needs.Interconnected Thinking: Avari's phrase for the way her brain naturally links ideas, experiences, and patterns together. She talks about this as one of her neurodivergent strengths.Hyperfocus: A common ADHD experience where attention gets locked onto something intensely. Avari mentions that she used to assume everyone experienced hyperfocus the way she did.Eye Diagnosis for Slow Tracking: A diagnosis related to how the eyes track across a page or visual field. In Avari's case, that diagnosis helped her access extra time on tests before she later received her ADHD and dyslexia diagnoses.Trauma Mastery: A phrase Isabelle uses to describe the way people sometimes make meaning out of painful experiences by using what they learned to protect or help others.-------

If you work with four, five, or six-year-olds with speech sound disorders, this episode was made for you and this research will change how you document, advocate, and make eligibility decisions for your students. In this episode, we break down a brand-new 2026 open-access study that every school-based SLP, early childhood SLP, and preschool speech-language pathologist needs to save, cite, and have ready to go. Whether you're navigating a negative 2.0 standard deviation eligibility criteria, writing IEP goals for preschoolers with speech sound disorders, or advocating for a child who doesn't yet "qualify" on paper, this research is your clinical ammunition. This landmark study examined peer perceptions of children with speech sound disorders across ages four, five, and six: At age 4: Neurotypical peers already rate children with severe speech sound disorders lower across domains of intelligence, friendliness, and likability compared to typically developing talkers. At age 5: Children with moderate-to-severe speech sound disorders are rated lower across all social domains by their neurotypical peers. At age 6: Even children with mild speech sound disorders are rated lower and are seen as less desirable friendship candidates compared to neurotypical peers. The bottom line? Severity matters. Age matters. And the social stakes get higher every single year. Use this research study to support eligibility decisions when standardized scores alone don't tell the full story. Cite it alongside teacher observations, parent input, direct observation of socialization, and connected speech samples. Document the educational and social impact of the speech sound disorder, not just the score Know your state's eligibility criteria: some states require -2.0 SD, others -1.0 SD, and others rely on professional judgment of adverse educational impact Advocate proactively: a wait-and-see approach has real social consequences for your students Henry, M., & Bent, T. (2026). Let's be friends: Peer perceptions of disordered speech in preschool and early school-aged children. American Journal of Speech-Language Pathology, 35(1).

This week, David and Isabelle unpack why moving can hit neurodivergent brains so much harder than people realize. Yes, there's the obvious stress of boxes, clutter, visual chaos, and trying to remember where literally anything is. But underneath that, they get into the deeper part too: what happens when your routines disappear, your environment stops making sense, and even the tiniest automatic actions suddenly don't exist anymore.Because this episode is really about more than moving. It's about that awful, disorienting in-between where something is objectively good… and your nervous system is still like, “Absolutely not.” David breaks down why change itself can land as painful, why losing patterns can feel like losing your footing, and why so many neurospicy folks get slammed by overwhelm before the new environment has had a chance to make sense yet.And instead of just naming the problem, they get to what actually can help. The conversation gets into why your brain may need to physically build new patterns before anything feels manageable again, why body doubling can interrupt the buffering, why visual overwhelm matters more than people think, and how different neurospicy brains need totally different systems in order to function.If you've ever been excited about a change and still felt totally wrecked by it. Or, if you've ever looked around and thought, “Why does this feel so hard when this is supposed to be good?” this one will probably hit home.Here's what's coming your way: Why “good change” can still feel painful, disorienting, and weirdly grief-y for ADHD and AuDHD brainsA really helpful breakdown of how routines, environment, and repeated actions quietly hold daily life togetherLanguage for the specific kind of overwhelm that happens when nothing feels automatic anymoreWhy unpacking can create instant buffering, shutdown, and decision fatigueHow body doubling, music, and visual clarity can help interrupt overwhelm and make starting easierWhy different brains need wildly different organization systems--and why that doesn't mean anyone is doing it wrong-------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Bobby: Isabelle's husband.Sarah: A partner in David's practice. David brings up a conversation with Sarah while wondering out loud whether change can actually register as pain in the brain. Robin: David's partner, who comes up while he's describing the home setup that helps his own brain keep track of where things are. Clutterbug YouTube: The decluttering channel Isabelle shouts out because those videos have basically become her fake body-doubling companions while unpacking. https://www.youtube.com/@ClutterbugBody Doubling: A support strategy where doing a task gets easier because someone else is there with you — even virtually. Isabelle talks about using decluttering videos that way during the move. Object Permanence: The very real neurospicy experience of something effectively disappearing once it's boxed up, put away, or moved out of its usual place.Externalized Memory: David's phrase for needing to physically put something somewhere yourself in order to actually remember where it is later. Procedural Memory: Isabelle's way of describing how much she relies on repeated physical action — reach here, plug this in there, turn this direction — instead of remembering things abstractly.-------

Handshakes. Eye Contact. Small Talk. Hierarchies. There are so many social customs that we're expected to know and to perform in any given social interaction. If you're neurodivergent, many of these customs can seem silly or pointless or difficult to adapt to various social settings. Chances are that the customs aren't going to change anytime soon, but what if they could? Would any of them be worth keeping or at least adjusting to be more universally user-friendly? Join us for an exploration of common social customs and some of the merits and flaws within them.If you're enjoying the podcast we'd love it if you could help us spread the word by telling your friends, subscribing to the podcast, and leaving a rating or review. If you'd like to support us on Patreon we are at www.patreon.com/differentfunctional Thanks so much for listening and remember, different does not mean defective.

Ever needed extra time, extra support, or a different way of doing something and immediately thought, “Wait… is this cheating?”Yeah. That feeling is way more common than you think.This week, David and Isabelle are back on stage at the Neurodiversity Alliance Leadership Summit in Denver for the second part of their live conversation with Jesse Sanchez, President of the Neurodiversity Alliance. Jesse has been part of this community for years as a mentor, leader, and now the person helping guide the organization forward. The Leadership Summit is where Neurodiversity Alliance mentors and student leaders from across the country gather for training, storytelling, and connection. It's a room full of neurodivergent students learning how to talk about their brains with confidence—and how to help younger kids do the same.In this part of the live conversation, Safia Mohammed, a Brooklyn-based nursing student and Neurodiversity Alliance Student Ambassador who's been part of the community for several years, joins the conversation. She shares her story about something a lot of neurodivergent people wrestle with: the uncomfortable feeling that needing support somehow means you're doing something wrong.Safia talks about her experience first received an IEP (Individualized Education Program) in elementary school. At the time, it felt confusing. She was being pulled out of class for extra help and didn't really understand why. And like a lot of neurodivergent kids, she started wondering something was wrong with her. David and Isabelle unpack why moments like that are so common in the neurodivergent experience, from the stigma around accommodations to the deeply ingrained belief that success only counts if it's hard.If you've ever hesitated to ask for help because you didn't want to feel like you were getting an advantage, this conversation might shift how you think about support and what it's actually there to do.Here's what's coming your way:Safia's story of receiving an IEP and why it felt confusing when she was youngerThe moment that changed how she understood accommodationsWhy so many neurodivergent people feel shame around getting supportHow stigma around accommodations keeps people from advocating for what they need-------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:IEP (Individualized Education Program): A formal education plan used in U.S. schools to provide accommodations and support for students with learning differences or disabilities. These supports can include extra time on tests, alternative learning environments, or additional instructional support designed to help students demonstrate what they actually know.Accommodations: Adjustments made in school or work environments that allow people with learning differences or disabilities to access the same opportunities as others. Examples include extended time on exams, quieter testing environments, or different ways of presenting information.Neurodiversity Alliance (formerly Eye to Eye): An organization where neurodivergent young adults and teens mentor younger neurodivergent kids through art projects and advocacy work. The rebrand reflects what they actually do: build an alliance of humans across the neurodivergent spectrum who know how to tell their full stories, vulnerabilities and superpowers included.OI: A term used by members of the Neurodiversity Alliance community to refer to the organization's annual leadership summit where mentors and student leaders gather for training and connection.-------

Dr Charlotte Rothwell's research explores the differences and similarities in how autistic and neurotypical children learn words. In this interview, she chats to us about her work, and explores practical tips that can help boost word learning and language skills for all children.

Ever walked into a room full of neurodivergent people and thought, "Oh no, what if I'm NOT actually ADHD? What if I don't belong here either?" Yeah. That's a thing. And it's weirdly universal.This week, David and Isabelle are taking you inside the Neurodiversity Alliance Leadership Summit in Denver for a special live recording with Jesse Sanchez, President of the Neurodiversity Alliance (formerly Eye to Eye). If Jesse's name sounds familiar, that's because he joined us recently to talk about mentorship and the intersectionality of neurodivergence with race, class, and systemic barriers. This time, we're bringing you the live conversation that started it all!The Neurodiversity Alliance brings together neurodivergent young adults and teens who mentor younger neurodivergent kids through art projects, advocacy, and identity work. The ND Alliance Leadership Summit is where their mentors and leaders gather for training, and David and Isabelle got to do a live podcast on stage in front of the whole group.What "finding your people" actually means when you have ADHD is more than just support. It's about finally stopping the cycle of feeling like a broken, defective version of a person and starting to feel like you belong. Jesse talks about showing up to his first summit 15 years ago "ADHD curious," terrified he wouldn't get the diagnosis and therefore wouldn't get to be part of this incredible community. Isabelle tears up remembering the moment David brought her to her first ND Alliance event and she realized, "Oh. OH. This is me." And David reflects on two decades of watching this organization do something he's never seen anywhere else: teach neurodivergent kids that being different doesn't mean being deficient.This isn't a "yay, you found support!" episode. This is about finding your SHAPE (your superpowers, your heart, your abilities, your personality, your experiences) and realizing your worth has absolutely nothing to do with how much money you make or how well you perform. It's about walking into a room where you don't have to mask, where everyone's fidgeting, and where "wait, you do that too?" is the most healing sentence in the English language.If you've ever felt inadequate, like you're failing at being a person, or like you don't quite fit anywhere, grab tissues. This one's for you.Here's what's coming your way:Jesse's journey from "ADHD curious" to diagnosed adult to president of the organization that changed his lifeWhy the fear of NOT being neurodivergent enough to belong is just as real as the fear of having ADHDThe moment Isabelle realized she had ADHD and David said "welcome to the community" (she's still not over it)What "finding your SHAPE" actually means and why it's the key to career alignment and callingWhy neurodiversity creates connection across race, class, and identity in ways other affinity spaces sometimes struggle withWhat Jesse would tell his 10-year-old self (spoiler: "You are worthy and loved beyond measure, and no one can take that from you")How the Neurodiversity Alliance is literally changing education by teaching kids to talk about their brains with mastery instead of shame-------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Neurodiversity Alliance (formerly Eye to Eye): An organization where neurodivergent young adults and teens mentor younger neurodivergent kids through art projects and advocacy work. The rebrand reflects what they actually do: build an alliance of humans across the neurodivergent spectrum who know how to tell their full stories, vulnerabilities and superpowers included."ADHD Curious": Jesse's term for showing up to his first summit without a formal diagnosis but knowing something was going on. He was literally exploring his own brain to figure out if neurodivergence explained his life.Masking: Hiding or suppressing your natural neurodivergent behaviors to fit neurotypical expectations. Isabelle talks about being hyper-aware she's masking on stage but also being able to fidget and move in ways that feel freeing instead of shameful.The "SHAPE" Framework: An acrostic Jesse uses for career alignmentS = Superpowers (what you're naturally great at)H = Heart (what motivates you)A = Abilities (what you can actually do)P = Personality (how you show up in the world)E = Experiences (what you bring from your journey)Job vs. Career vs. Calling: Jesse breaks it down: a job pays the bills, a career is something you're invested in growing long-term, and a calling is something bigger than you (something you feel pulled toward whether you like it or not).Metacognitive Skills: The ability to think about your own thinking (understanding how your brain works, what you need, and how you learn best). The ND Alliance teaches kids to get really good at talking about their learning styles instead of hiding them.-------

Full shownotes here: https://linkly.link/2bUoDGet FLOW-First Thinking Book: sociallyausome.com/flow-first-thinking⁠FREE Spark Tracker: https://sociallyausome.com/spark-tracker-pageStruggling with task initiation and wondering why neurotypical people can "just start" boring tasks while your ADHD brain can't? This episode breaks down the science of dopamine dysregulation and why ADHD brains don't get dopamine from completing tasks like neurotypical brains do.In this episode, you'll learn:• Why ADHD brains struggle with task activation (it's neuroscience, not laziness)• How neurotypical vs ADHD dopamine systems work differently• The real reason you procrastinate until panic sets in• What task initiation paralysis actually is and why "just start" doesn't work for ADHD• Practical dopamine stacking strategies to actually get boring tasks done• How to work WITH your ADHD brain instead of fighting itIf you've ever felt broken because you can't fold laundry without a podcast, can't start emails without a timer, or need a panic deadline to activate, this episode will make everything make sense.Plus: Learn about the FLOW-First Thinking framework and how to link boring tasks with dopamine-providing activities so you can finally stop feeling guilty about needing "extra" support to do "simple" things.Perfect for ADHD entrepreneurs, ADHD professionals, neurodivergent business owners, and anyone tired of productivity advice built for neurotypical brains.Resources mentioned:FLOW-First Thinking book: sociallyausome.com/flow-first-thinkingADHDPRENEUR ACADEMY: adhdpreneuracademy.comFocused & Free membership: sociallyausome.com/membershipKeywords: ADHD task initiation, ADHD dopamine, task activation ADHD, ADHD procrastination, neurodivergent productivity, ADHD entrepreneur tips, dopamine dysregulation, ADHD motivation, executive dysfunction, ADHD time management

If you are navigating a neuro-mixed relationship in your life whether you have the ADHD brain or someone you care for does you likely know some version of this cycle: a missed task leads to frustration, which leads to defensiveness or shame, which ends in a conflict where no one feels heard. In episode 343, we are bridging the gap between the differing experiences of an ADHD brain and a Neurotypical brain. Whether they're a partner, a colleague, a friend, or a family member, we're moving away from blame and shame and getting on the same team. we'll cover the 5 biggest sources of disconnect in ADHD relationships: Executive Dysfunction Time Blindness Working Memory Emotional Flooding Hyperfocus You will walk away with practical scripts, tools, and a new framework to turn your frustration into teamwork. Work With Me:

This episode breaks down autism and intuition from the circuitry up. Intuition isn't magic—it's prediction. And in the autistic brain, that prediction system runs differently. Instead of compressing uncertainty into fast social “gut feelings,” autistic cognition preserves high-resolution detail, sustains prediction error, and builds insight through iterative modeling. Sensory cortex, parietal salience maps, insula, amygdala, OFC, and ACC all play a role in a system that prioritizes structural truth over social smoothing.We explore excitation–inhibition balance, oscillations, dopamine learning, and von Economo neurons to show how intuition in autism isn't diminished—it's reconstructed. Insight may arrive later, but when it does, it's deeply refined. This is a neuroscience-driven look at why autistic minds resolve uncertainty through coherence, not conformity—and why that difference matters.This episode will also explain WHY the Autistic phenotype has ACCELERATED LEARNING abilities. use "autism" for $50 off at Daylight Computer Company https://buy.daylightcomputer.com/autismand Daylight Kids https://kids.daylightcomputer.com/autismChroma Light Devices, use "autism" for 10% discount at https://getchroma.co/?ref=autism0:00 Autism & Intuition Introduction; Autos (“Self”) and Sensory Overload0:53 Daylight Computer Company, Daylight Kids & Chroma Light Devices (Technology, Biology, Light)3:26 What Intuition Really Is: Sensory Integration, Prediction, Memory, and Value5:02 Neurotypical vs Autistic Intuition; Prediction Error, E/I Balance, Iterative Processing7:00 Sensory Cortex & Higher Signal Fidelity; Prediction Errors and Raw Detail Preservation11:30 Posterior Parietal Cortex; Salience Maps, Anomaly Detection, Truth vs Social Narrative13:30 Anterior Insula & Amygdala; Interoception, Emotional Salience, Feeling vs Thinking17:30 Orbitofrontal Cortex; Value Computation, Internal Coherence vs Social Reward19:30 ACC Conflict Monitoring; Risk–Reward, Persistence, Errors23:30 The Learning Gate: Why Autism Enables Accelerated Mastery24:45 Von Economo (Spindle) Neurons; ACC–Insula Fast Intuition Pathway and Autism Differences28:40 Iterative Learning Loop; Prefrontal Modeling, Basal Ganglia Dopamine, Structural Coherence35:50 Autos (“Self”), Jung, Recursive Modeling, and Why Autistic Intuition Is Built—Not GivenX: https://x.com/rps47586YT: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGxEzLKXkjppo3nqmpXpzuAemail: info.fromthespectrum@gmail.com

Ever wonder why seeing another neurodivergent person succeed can literally change your life? This week, David and Isabelle bring you the second half of their conversation with Jesse Sanchez, Executive Director of the Neurodiversity Alliance, and it goes deep. They're talking about the kind of mentorship that doesn't happen in an office—it happens in moments of "wait, you do that too?" They also get brutally honest about why neurodivergence isn't just a rich kid's diagnosis, it's an intergenerational survival story that intersects with race, class, incarceration, and educational access in ways we desperately need to talk about.Missed Part 1 of this conversation? Catch up here.Jesse shares his own story: growing up with a single mom who left home at nine, a father in federal prison, navigating the world as a first-gen, low-income, multiracial kid—and how none of the incredible educational access programs he benefited from ever addressed the neurodivergent piece. David drops the "glasses metaphor" that'll make you rethink everything. And Isabelle connects the dots between pulling all-nighters, calling it a moral failing, and why our school system was literally designed to create worker bees during the Industrial Revolution (spoiler: neurodivergent brains were never meant to fit that mold).If you've ever felt like an imposter for doing things differently, this episode is your permission slip to stop hiding!Here's what's coming your way:Why real mentorship is exposure to a reality you didn't know existed—not instructions on how to succeedHow seeing a successful neurodivergent person changes the way you view yourself (and why that matters more than any advice)The intersectionality we're not talking about: neurodivergence, unemployment, incarceration, economic insecurity, and social justiceJesse's powerful story of intergenerational neurodivergence and why he's bringing neuro-inclusive practices to NYC public schoolsWhy your all-nighters aren't a character flaw—they're an accommodation (and how that reframe changes everything)The glasses metaphor: imagine never getting glasses until your 30s. That's undiagnosed ADHD.What Jesse would tell his 5-year-old self entering the school system (grab tissues for this one)-------Wait—What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Mentorship (the real kind): Not lectures about success—it's living life together and taking the behaviors you like while leaving the rest. It's "try my biscuits and gravy" energy. Exposing someone to a reality they didn't have before.Normalization: Making something feel normal by seeing it modeled by others. When you see another neurodivergent person succeed while doing things differently, it normalizes your own approach and reduces shame.Moral Failing: The story undiagnosed neurodivergent people tell themselves: "I pull all-nighters because I'm lazy/broken/bad"—instead of recognizing it as an accommodation for how your brain works.Accommodation: A strategy that helps you work with your brain instead of against it. Pulling an all-nighter isn't cheating—it's an accommodation. Just like glasses.Intergenerational Neurodivergence: ADHD and other neurodivergent traits often run in families. Jesse talks about his mom's undiagnosed ADHD and how neurodivergence intersects with intergenerational trauma and survival.Intersectionality: How different identities (race, class, neurodivergence) overlap and create unique experiences. Jesse emphasizes how neurodivergence intersects with being low-income, first-gen, Latino—and how that's overlooked in social justice work.Social Capital: The networks and resources you access through community. The neurodivergent community shares social capital—connecting first-gen students with Ivy League students, leveling the playing field.The School System's Origins: Our current education system was designed during the Industrial Revolution to create efficient worker bees for factories. Everything from the bells to the desks to the subjects was built for output and performance—not for neurodivergent brains. Learn more about the factory model of education: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Factory_model_school-------

Welcome back to the Restoring the Soul podcast with Michael John Cusick. In this episode, Michael sits down for a thoughtful and deeply personal conversation with his wife of nearly 35 years, Julianne Cusick. Together, they explore the emerging world of neurodiversity, focusing on neurodivergent individuals, neurodiverse couples, and the impact these differences can have on relationships.Drawing from Julianne Cusick's extensive work, research, and recent conference presentations, they break down commonly misunderstood terms like neurodiversity, neurodivergent, and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). This conversation doesn't just dwell on diagnosis—instead, it offers a new framework for understanding ourselves and our partners, emphasizing how assessment and awareness can bring clarity, freedom, and healing to relationships.Support the showENGAGE THE RESTORING THE SOUL PODCAST:- Follow us on YouTube - Tweet us at @michaeljcusick and @PodcastRTS- Like us on Facebook- Follow us on Instagram & Twitter- Follow Michael on Twitter- Email us at info@restoringthesoul.com Thanks for listening!

Ever notice how ADHD makes you crave chaos...until the chaos actually arrives and your brain completely shorts out? This week, co-host Isabelle Richards is living that paradox in real time. We're dropping this episode on Friday instead of our usual every-other-Wednesday schedule because Nashville is currently frozen solid and Isabelle is flying solo, recording from her phone in her kids' bedroom during a 6-day power outage and ice storm. She gets brutally honest about the ADHD crisis cycle: the superhuman first 48 hours, the inevitable crash that follows, and why—even after all the work, all the podcasting, all the self-compassion practice—her first instinct is still to absolutely destroy herself on the inside.If you've ever felt like a superhero one day and a deflated balloon the next, this one's for you. Isabelle shares the reframe that changed everything: what if your scattered brain isn't broken—it's actually trying to protect you? And here's the twist: the thing that pulled her out of the spiral was recording this very episode. Sometimes serving others is how we save ourselves.Here's what's coming your way:Why ADHD brains can be superhuman in the first 24-48 hours of chaos (and why the crash is inevitable)What happens to your inner critic when you lose your feedback loops—and why it gets so viciousHow to recognize when your brain is begging you to stop asking it to do too much (before you completely crash)Why hating routine while desperately needing it is the most brutal ADHD paradoxThe one tiny shift that can pull you out of the spiral when everything feels impossible-------Wait—What's That? Here are some of the terms mentioned in this episode explained:Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Neurospicy: ADHD/neurodivergent community slang for having a brain that works differently. A playful, lighter way to say neurodivergent—because sometimes you need to be able to laugh at your beautiful, chaotic brain.Break in Routine: When your daily structure gets disrupted and suddenly you realize you were using that routine to survive all along. For ADHD brains, losing structure can be destabilizing even when you thought you hated having it in the first place.Paradox: The ADHD experience of hating routine while absolutely needing it to function. You resist structure until it's gone, and then everything falls apart—which is exactly what makes it so brutal.Feedback Loop: External validation or confirmation that helps you know you're on the right track. Without it, ADHD brains often default to the harshest possible self-judgment—like "you've made the worst decision" even when you probably made a fine decision.Deflated Balloon: The crash that comes after days of crisis mode. The superhuman energy is gone, you can't finish sentences, and everything feels impossible. It's the inevitable comedown after running on pure adrenaline.Mushy: When your brain feels foggy, slow, and unable to process normally. Not broken—just begging you to stop asking it to do too much. Sometimes mushy is your brain's way of protecting you.Bobby: Isabelle's husband and co-producer of the podcast. When she mentions he suggested recording this episode, it's part of why you're hearing this raw, real-time account of ADHD in crisis—the kind of messy, honest moment that might help you feel less alone in your own chaos.-------

Full Show Notes Here: sociallyausome.com/post/temporal-building-adhd-time-managementHow many times have you said “this will only take 20 minutes” and then three hours disappear?Or the opposite. You block off your whole day for something and finish it in 45 minutes.If you have ADHD, this is not a discipline problem. This is a brain wiring problem.In this episode, Alyece Smith breaks down temporal building, a neuroscience-backed way ADHD brains experience and structure time. You will learn why time blocking keeps failing you, what time blindness really is, and how to build a productivity system that works with your brain instead of fighting it.Neurotypical brains feel time passing. ADHD brains do not. ADHD brains live in two modes: now and not now. That is why deadlines create panic focus, boring tasks feel ten times longer than creative work, and starting early feels impossible.This episode shows you how to replace broken productivity advice with ADHD-friendly time anchors that create real momentum, real structure, and real follow-through.Early Access Details:Autographed copies (paperback or hardcover)$500+ in bonuses, including live masterclass (Feb 18th), exclusive Chapter 10, Flow-First Tracker, and moreEarly e-book access on February 14thOnly 300 copies at this priceEnds January 28th or when sold out

Ever felt like you were doing everything "wrong" compared to everyone around you...like, thinking back to college, why did studying take you five environment changes and an all-nighter when your roommate just sat there and did it? If so, then this one's for you!Jesse Sanchez, President of the Neurodiversity Alliance, joins hosts Isabelle Richards and David Kessler to talk about his journey from "wait, am I broken?" confusion in college to leading a national movement that's literally changing (and saving) lives through peer mentorship and community. And yes, we have the data to back that up.Jesse gets incredibly real about what it was like to need accommodations for years without anyone explaining why, and how finding other neurodivergent people who just got it completely transformed the way he saw himself.  They also get into what it actually looks like to unmask and take care of yourself in professional settings—like when Jesse collapsed on a couch between high-stakes donor meetings at the Neurodiversity Leadership Summit with Isabelle and David there. It was beautiful:) And why that kind of authentic nervous system regulation isn't weakness—it's literally the accommodation your body needs.Here's what's coming your way:Jesse's origin story with the Neurodiversity Alliance (formerly Eye to Eye) and why peer mentorship is so powerfulThe actual published research showing how mentorship protects neurodivergent middle schoolers from depression and boosts self-esteem (statistically significant, baby!)Why lying down with your feet up is one of the best nervous system hacks—and the full parasympathetic nerd-out on why it worksHow finding your people can fundamentally shift your identity from "I'm broken" to "I'm just wired different—and that's actually amazing"Go to TheNDAlliance.org to explore student chapters, scholarships, paid internships, and leadership opportunities for neurodivergent students across the U.S.-------Wait—What's That? Here are some of the terms mentioned in this episode explained:Neurodiversity Alliance (formerly Eye to Eye): A national student-led organization creating clubs on middle school, high school, and college campuses where neurodivergent students mentor younger students, build community, and flex their leadership skills.Neurodiversity Leadership Summit: An annual gathering where neurodivergent students, leaders, and advocates come together to learn, connect, and celebrate neurodiversity. This is where Jesse melted on the couch and we all fell a little more in love with authentic self-care.Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest and Digest): The part of your nervous system that helps you calm down and recover after being activated. Isabelle breaks down how lying with your feet up literally forces blood back to your internal organs and tells your body "hey, no tiger here!"Fight, Flight, or Freeze: Your body's automatic stress response that sends blood to your extremities so you can run or fight. When you're chronically activated (hello, masking all day), you need help switching back to rest mode.Vagus Nerve: A major nerve running from your brain to your gut that plays a huge role in calming your nervous system. Certain positions (like lying down) stimulate it and help you regulate. Science is cool.Disability Accommodations: Adjustments like extra time, quiet spaces, or flexible deadlines that level the playing field. Jesse talks about how reframing these from "crutch" to "right" was life-changing.Positive Identity Development: A core focus of the Neurodiversity Alliance's work—helping students integrate their neurodivergence into their identity in a way that feels empowering, not shameful.Statistical Significance: Research-speak for "this didn't happen by accident." Jesse shares data showing mentored students had significantly lower depression and higher self-esteem compared to non-mentored students. The protective effect against depression? Huge.-------

Show Notes:Hello and welcome to Authentically ADHD – I'm Carmen, and I'm so glad you're tuning in. Today we're exploring a topic I know many of us grapple with: why you're still exhausted even after resting, especially when you're both autistic and ADHD (often called AuDHD). If you've ever wondered, “I took a break, so why do I still feel drained?” this episode is for you.We often hear about the idea of a “social battery.” The classic metaphor goes like this: social time drains you, alone time or rest recharges you, then you're good to go again. It's a handy way to explain why you might feel wiped out after a party or a day of meetings – you used up your social battery and need some quiet time to recharge. For neurotypical folks or even just introverts, that simple formula sometimes works: hang out with people (battery drains), spend a night in (battery refills), and you're refreshed.But if you're neurodivergent – and especially if you're AuDHD (autistic + ADHD) – you've probably noticed it's not that simple. You might spend a weekend resting at home only to wake up on Monday still bone-tired. Or you take a day off to recharge, and by evening you're more exhausted than before. What gives? In today's episode, we're going to answer that. We'll talk about why the one-dimensional social battery metaphor doesn't fully capture what's happening in our brains and bodies. We'll dive into the neuroscience behind exhaustion in autism and ADHD: it's not just being “peopled out” – it's also things like masking, sensory overload, executive function fatigue, chronic stress mode, and even missed signals from our own bodies.By understanding these factors, we can start to make sense of why just “resting” isn't always enough for us. Importantly, we'll discuss what real rest means for an AuDHD brain. I'll share some strategies and tips on how to recharge the right way (because if your rest isn't targeting the actual type of tired you are, it's not going to truly restore you). And be sure to stick around till the end – I have 7 reflection questions for you. These will help you apply what we talk about to your own life, so you can figure out what drains your energy and how to refill your tank more effectively.So, grab a comfy seat, maybe a notebook, and let's unpack why you're still exhausted after rest – and what we can do about it.The Classic “Social Battery” Metaphor – And Its LimitsLet's start with that “social battery” idea. It's a popular way to describe energy levels, especially for introverts. The idea is pretty straightforward: social interaction uses energy, and solitude or downtime charges you back up. For example, if you spend all day socializing with coworkers or attending events, you might feel drained – your social battery is empty. Then you recharge by being alone, watching Netflix, reading, sleeping, what have you. The next day, your battery is full again (or at least partially recharged) and you repeat the cycle.This metaphor resonates because it acknowledges that socializing can be tiring, even if it's fun. It's commonly mentioned for conditions like ADHD or just shy/introverted personalities: “I need to recharge my social battery.” For neurotypical people, often a good night's sleep or a quiet Sunday morning might indeed restore that sense of energy.But here's the catch: the social battery model assumes only one dimension of fatigue – social energy in versus out. It treats all “rest” as equal, like plugging your phone into any charger will top it off. For those of us with ADHD, autism, or both (AuDHD), our experience tells a more complex story. We don't just have a single battery that drains and refills; we have an entire panel of batteries or fuel tanks, each for different kinds of energy. Sometimes you're not even sure which battery is low – you just know you're running on fumes. And crucially, if you try to recharge in the wrong way, it's like putting the wrong fuel in a car: you don't get very far, and you might even stall out.Have you ever tried to rest – say you cleared your weekend to do nothing – and you did all the “right” restful things like sleeping in or binging a show, but you still felt wiped out on Monday? I've been there. Before I understood the multiple dimensions of burnout, I would get frustrated at myself: “I rested, why am I still tired? What's wrong with me?” The social battery idea would have me believe that rest = recharge, so if I rested and I'm still tired, I must be doing something wrong. But the truth was, my rest wasn't actually addressing the kind of exhaustion I had.The classic metaphor doesn't account for things like:Mental overload – maybe your mind was exhausted from racing thoughts or decision-making, but your “rest” didn't quiet your mind.Sensory overload – maybe your senses were still on high alert from a noisy, bright, chaotic week, and watching TV on the couch kept bombarding you with light and sound.Emotional strain – maybe you were carrying stress or anxiety (perhaps from masking your true self or holding in emotions), and “resting” by doing nothing didn't process those feelings.Physical fatigue – maybe your body needed real recovery (nutrition, hydration, movement or sleep), but your rest was just lying around without addressing those needs.Executive function fatigue – perhaps you spent all week forcing your ADHD brain to stay organized and on-task, which is extremely draining, and simply taking time off work didn't automatically replenish that mental fuel.In other words, neurodivergent exhaustion is multi-faceted, and the social battery idea is just one piece of the puzzle. For AuDHD folks, social interaction itself can be exhausting, yes, but why it's exhausting goes beyond just “I don't like being around people too long.” There are underlying factors – neurological and physiological – that make social settings or daily life in general more draining for us than for others. Let's break down those factors.Why AuDHD Exhaustion Is More Than “Just Social”When you have autism, ADHD, or both, several concurrent processes are depleting your energy throughout the day. It's like having multiple apps running on your mental phone battery. If we ignore all but one, we miss the full picture. Here are some of the big drains on an AuDHD “battery”:1. The Masking Labor – Hidden Exhaustion of “Acting Normal”Masking refers to hiding or suppressing your natural neurodivergent behaviors to fit into a neurotypical world. Think of it as a social survival strategy: you force yourself to maintain eye contact even though it's uncomfortable, you hold back your stims (like fidgeting or rocking) to seem “calm,” you laugh when you're supposed to even if you're confused, you constantly monitor your tone and words so you don't offend or seem weird. Basically, you're running a mental filter 24/7 to appear “normal.” That is hard work!For autistic people especially, masking can be an enormous cognitive and emotional load. It's not just casually wearing a “social face”; it's more like performing a play where you're the actor and the director, constantly watching yourself from the outside. For ADHD folks, masking might involve holding back your impulsive comments, forcing yourself to sit still and appear attentive, or over-preparing for conversations so you don't lose track.All this mental multitasking consumes a ton of energy. Imagine your brain as a computer running several heavy programs at once – eventually it's going to lag or overheat. When you're masking, you might be:Analyzing every social cue and your own reactions (“Am I smiling enough? Did that joke land? Do I seem interested?”).Inhibiting natural impulses (“Don't stim, don't interrupt, don't pace even though I'm restless…”).Translating your intended words into more “acceptable” phrases.Absorbing the stress of not being able to relax or be yourself.No wonder by the time you get home from work or a social gathering, you feel like you ran a marathon (even if all you did was sit in a conference room or a cafe). Masking is exhausting. It's often described as wearing a heavy costume all day; when you finally take it off, you might physically collapse. This is a huge reason your “social battery” drains so fast and stays low: you weren't just socializing, you were performing and self-censoring nonstop.2. Sensory Processing Load – When the World Overwhelms Your SensesMany autistic and ADHD individuals experience sensory sensitivities. This means ordinary environments can feel like an assault on your nervous system. The lights in a grocery store are glaring and fluorescent, the chatter at a party is a jumble of noise, the fabric of your shirt tag is scratching your neck all day – these might barely register for a neurotypical person, but for us, they can be intensely distracting or irritating.Your brain is constantly processing sensory input: sight, sound, touch, smell, movement, etc. In neurotypical brains, there's a filter – they can often tune out background noise or adapt quickly to stimuli. In an AuDHD brain, that filter may be weaker or just different. Everything comes in at full volume, so to speak. As a result, you're expending energy just to exist in what others call a “normal” environment. You might not realize how much work your brain is doing to process and cope with the sensory avalanche until you find yourself utterly drained for “no obvious reason.”It's not just mentally tiring; it activates your physiology. When you're in sensory overload, your body can go into a mild fight-or-flight state. Think about being startled by a sudden loud noise – your heart jumps, adrenaline spikes. Now imagine smaller scale but chronic versions of that throughout your day: the phone ringing, the traffic noise, the uncomfortable chair, the strong perfume in the elevator. Your body might be perpetually a little on edge. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline might be slightly elevated as your system says “too much, too much!” Even if you consciously try to ignore a chaotic environment, your nervous system is still reacting. Over time, living in that amped-up state will wear you out.So if you spend a day in a noisy, busy setting (say, an open-plan office or a crowded mall), you might come home utterly spent. And here's the kicker – if your idea of “rest” is, say, plopping on the couch with the TV on, you might not actually be giving your sensory system a break. The TV is still light and sound. Your phone screen is still input. If sensory overload was a big part of your energy drain, you need sensory rest: dim lighting, silence or calm music, maybe a weighted blanket or whatever soothes your senses. Without addressing that, a quiet night might only pause the overload without truly clearing it, leaving you still jittery or frazzled the next day.3. Executive Function Taxes – Paying the “Brain Tax” on Every TaskExecutive function is like the brain's management system – it covers things like planning, organizing, focusing, remembering details, switching tasks, and controlling impulses. Both ADHD and autism can come with executive function challenges (though they might show up differently). For ADHD in particular, things like staying focused, following steps, meeting deadlines, and making decisions can require intense conscious effort. It's not that we can't do them – we often can, but it's like driving with the parking brake on. We have to press the gas harder to go the same distance.Studies have found that adults with ADHD use up more mental energy throughout the day just managing routine tasks. One psychologist described it well: people with ADHD exert greater effort on everyday decisions and self-control, which “burns up mental fuel” at a faster rate than neurotypicals. Have you ever felt strangely tired after doing “nothing” except answer emails or make a few simple phone calls? That could be because for an ADHD brain, shifting attention between those emails, resisting the urge to check social media, remembering what you had to do next, all of that took a lot of invisible effort.Autistic folks, on the other hand, might get mentally drained from tasks like navigating transitions (shifting from one activity to another can be jarring) or dealing with unpredictability without a clear plan. Planning and adapting – those executive functions – can take a lot of conscious processing if your brain doesn't do it automatically.All day long, we're essentially paying an “executive function tax.” Every time you force yourself to concentrate on a boring task, every time you have to break down a project into steps, every time you coach yourself through procrastination or try to remember an appointment – that's a withdrawal from your cognitive energy reserves. By evening, you've been taxing that system so heavily that you might experience brain fog, trouble concentrating, or an inability to make even trivial decisions (“decision fatigue” – like staring at the fridge unable to decide on dinner).If your rest doesn't give your executive brain a break – for example, if you “rest” by doing something mentally complex like reading dense articles or doing a puzzle when your mind was what was exhausted – you may not feel recovered. Sometimes what we need is true mental rest: no complex planning, maybe even a break from screens and information intake, letting our thoughts wander or doing a mindless simple activity. Without identifying that need, you might mistakenly think “I just need more sleep,” but eight hours later you still wake up mentally exhausted, because your mind never got a break from overdrive.4. Stress-System Activation – Living in Fight-or-Flight ModeThis one underpins all the above: chronic stress. Both living with ADHD and autism can be chronically stressful, even if you love your life and manage well. There's the stress of trying to meet neurotypical expectations, the stress of sensory assault, the stress of potential social missteps or failures at work, and often a history of anxiety or trauma from not being understood. All this means our sympathetic nervous system (the fight-or-flight responder) might be activated more often or more intensely.Physiologically, when you perceive a challenge or threat (and “challenge” can be as mundane as the boss unexpectedly asking you a question, or a sudden loud noise that startles you), your body releases hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Your heart rate might go up, blood pressure increases, senses heighten. It's your body's way of gearing up to face something. That's fine in short bursts, but if it's happening repeatedly through the day, you don't get much time in the restorative, relaxed state (the parasympathetic “rest and digest” mode).Being constantly in a subtle fight-or-flight mode is exhausting. It also affects sleep and energy recovery. For instance, if your stress system is always a bit activated, you might have trouble winding down at night or you might not get deep, quality sleep. You could sleep a full night and still wake up tired because physiologically, your body hasn't truly relaxed. Chronic stress can also mess with things like muscle tension (ever realize you've been clenching your jaw or shoulders all day?), digestion, and immune function – which can all indirectly make you feel more fatigued and rundown.For AuDHD people, stress might be coming from multiple angles: social anxiety, ADHD-related worries (“Did I forget something important again?”), sensory stress, or just the general pressure of appearing fine while you're actually struggling. Even exciting positive things can register as stress to the body – like hyperfocus or sensory excitement can amp you up similar to anxiety. So if you're constantly running “hot” internally, you need cooling-off periods. If your rest doesn't include something that actually calms your nervous system – like deep breathing, mindfulness, gentle movement, a safe feeling environment – you might stay in a semi-stressed state even during downtime. That means your “battery” isn't recharging; at best, you're just not draining it further for a while.5. Interoception Glitches – Missing Your Body's Early Warning SignalsInteroception is a fancy word for the internal sense of your body's condition – basically, feeling your own internal signals like hunger, thirst, tiredness, pain, needing the bathroom, etc. Many autistic people (and some ADHD folks too) have differences or delays in interoception. This can mean you don't notice your needs until they're screaming at you.Think about times you suddenly realize, “Oh my gosh, I'm starving – I haven't eaten in 8 hours!” or you're shivering and only then notice you're cold. Or you're so deeply focused on a project (thanks hyperfocus) that you don't realize you're exhausted until you stand up and almost fall over. That's interoceptive unawareness – our internal “fuel gauge” is not very accurate.For an AuDHD person, this might lead to literally running on fumes. You might be extremely low on energy but not fully register it until you hit a wall (like a shutdown or a meltdown or just a sudden wave of exhaustion that knocks you out). Likewise, you might not identify what kind of rest you need. You just feel “bad” or “tired” or “crappy” but can't tell if it's because you're dehydrated, or overstimulated, or emotionally upset. So you might try the wrong fix. For example:You feel out of it, so you assume you need a nap. But maybe what you needed was actually food and water (physical need), so you wake up from the nap still feeling off.Or you feel “tired” but actually you've been sitting indoors all day and your body is under-stimulated physically and craving movement (some ADHDers know the feeling of being lethargic from lack of activity). If you just lie down more, you feel even worse, whereas a short walk or some stretches might have rejuvenated you.Or you feel mentally drained and foggy, so you try to push through with caffeine and working more, when actually your brain desperately needed a break from screens and information (mental rest).When interoception isn't giving clear signals, it's easy to mis-match our rest to our need. We also tend to wait too long to address our needs. It's like driving your car until the fuel light is not just on, but the tank is nearly empty and the car is sputtering – then you pull into a random gas station and try to fill up without knowing what type of fuel you needed. If you put diesel in a gasoline engine, the car's not going to run, right? Similarly, if you try a form of “rest” that isn't what your body or brain actually require, you won't feel better. You might get a brief pause, but not true recovery.This can become a vicious cycle: you rest ineffectively, still feel exhausted, maybe even more frustrated (“I rested and it didn't help, why bother?”), and then you push yourself further next time, edging closer to burnout.So, to sum up this section: the social battery is more complicated for AuDHD folks because multiple systems are draining your energy – social interaction plus masking, sensory processing, executive function, stress responses, and trouble noticing your needs. It's like having five batteries in parallel, and when you say “I'm drained,” it could be one or all of them that are empty. If you only recharge one, the others might still be flashing red.Now that we understand why you might still feel exhausted after what you thought was adequate rest, let's talk about the science and physiology a bit more, and then we'll move on to strategies for tackling this in real life.The Physiology Behind AuDHD ExhaustionYou might be wondering, “Okay, so these different drains make sense, but what's actually happening in my body? Is this all in my head or is there a real physical basis for why I'm so wiped out?” It's very real, and neuroscience and physiology back it up. Let's take a peek under the hood of the AuDHD body and brain when it comes to energy:Brain Energy and Cognitive Effort: The brain, even though it's just 2% of our body weight, uses a ton of energy – some estimates say about 20% of our daily calories. When you're engaging in heavy cognitive effort (like constant self-control, focus, or social navigation), you're burning through glucose (sugar energy) in the brain at a faster rate. Neurotypical brains might solve a problem or engage in small talk using X amount of energy. An ADHD or autistic brain might need 2X because it's working harder to stay on track or decode the social nuances. Over a day, that adds up. By late afternoon, you might literally be low on brain fuel, which is why you experience that heavy fatigue or brain fog. It's not just mood or laziness – it can be a sign your brain's resources are depleted.Dopamine and Neurotransmitters: ADHD is associated with differences in dopamine regulation – dopamine is a neurotransmitter important for motivation, focus, and reward. If your brain has a dopamine deficit in certain circuits, tasks don't reward your brain as much, so you have to push yourself harder to do them. It's kind of like driving a car with low battery – you can do it, but it might sputter. This not only makes tasks feel harder mentally, it also can lead to a sort of constant seeking of stimulation to get that dopamine hit (hello, checking our phones or daydreaming), which itself can be tiring. Meanwhile, autistic brains often have different connectivity patterns – some areas might be hyper-connected, leading to intense focus or sensory awareness, while other regulatory circuits might be less connected, making switching tasks or filtering input harder. The result? A brain that's either revving high or working overtime to shift gears. These neurological differences mean that an AuDHD brain is often running rich (like an engine burning a lot of fuel) all day.Hormones: Cortisol and Adrenaline: I touched on this earlier – the stress hormones. Cortisol is known as the “stress hormone” that follows a circadian rhythm (should be high in morning, low at night) and spikes during stress. Chronic high cortisol from frequent stress can cause fatigue, brain fog, and even body aches. Adrenaline (epinephrine) is more immediate – it gives you that jolt in emergencies. If you're frequently anxious or overstimulated, your adrenaline might spike often, and afterwards you typically feel a crash – shaky, tired, maybe headachey. Some of us live in a pattern of mini adrenaline spikes throughout the day (panic about a task deadline, sensory shock from a siren, social anxiety spike when your phone rings…). Over time, this wears you down and can dysregulate your whole energy system. Your body might start overreacting or underreacting to stress due to burnout of the stress response system. This is why managing stress and actually engaging the relaxation response (like deep breathing to trigger the vagus nerve, which can lower heart rate and cortisol) is so key. Physically calming your body is not just woo-woo; it's helping your hormones rebalance so you can truly recharge.Muscle Tension and Physical Load: Ever notice how when you're mentally stressed, your body feels sore or tired? If you have anxiety or are masking, you might be unconsciously tensing muscles – clenching your jaw, hunching shoulders, or tapping your foot all day. Autistic folks might suppress stims which actually takes muscle control. ADHDers might be restraining their urge to move. All this can lead to physical exhaustion and even pain by day's end. Plus, conditions often co-occurring with AuDHD – like hypermobility, sleep disturbances, or digestive issues – can further sap physical energy.Sleep Quality: Many of us with ADHD or autism have sleep issues – trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or not feeling rested from sleep. Neurologically, if your brain has trouble shutting off (common with ADHD racing thoughts or autism's difficulty unwinding routines), you might not get enough deep sleep. Sleep is when the brain and body repair. It's like plugging in your phone overnight – if you only charge to 50% or keep getting unplugged, you start the day at a deficit. Over days and weeks, that compounded sleep debt can make any amount of daytime rest feel ineffective. It's like trying to fill a bucket that has a leak at the bottom.In short, there are concrete brain and body reasons for your persistent exhaustion. You're not just “bad at resting” or “lazy” or “weak.” Your system is genuinely handling more and recovering less than the average person's. Knowing this is validating – it's not in your imagination. And importantly, it points toward solutions: for example, approaches that reduce the constant load on your brain (like accommodations or assistive tools for executive function), or practices that actively help your nervous system relax (like mindfulness, therapy, or sensory decompression activities).What AuDHD Exhaustion Looks Like in Daily LifeIt might be helpful to recognize how this kind of multi-faceted exhaustion shows up, because sometimes we don't even have the words for what we're feeling. We just know we're done. Here are some common signs that your various “batteries” are drained:Brain Fog and Zoning Out: You've had a day full of interactions and tasks, and now you just can't think straight. You find yourself staring at the wall or scrolling mindlessly because your brain refuses to focus on anything else. That's mental exhaustion – your brain is literally trying to power down for a bit. Autistic folks might experience shutdowns: where you go non-verbal or withdraw because your brain says “nope, I cannot engage anymore.” ADHD folks might find their attention just ricochets around or flatlines.Physical Fatigue and Aches: Your body might feel as if you ran a marathon, even if you didn't move much. Maybe your legs feel heavy, or you have a tension headache from hours of concentrating or from sensory stress (like squinting in bright light or bracing against loud noises). Chronic muscle tension can manifest as back or neck pain. Some people get stress-related fatigue where you feel flu-like (aching, low energy) purely from the cortisol rollercoaster.Irritability or Emotional Volatility: When we're running on empty, small things become big things. You might have a shorter fuse – maybe you snap at your partner or get teary over a minor issue. For AuDHD individuals, emotional regulation can already be a challenge (ADHD is often associated with big swings of feelings or what's called “Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria,” and autistic people can feel emotions intensely too). Exhaustion strips away the buffers we normally have. So that irritability, sadness, or anxiety that creeps in after a long day might actually be a symptom of fatigue. Think of little kids – when they're overtired, they have meltdowns over nothing. We adults are the same, we just mask it better until we can't.Avoidance and Withdrawal: You might cancel plans with people you actually like, or avoid a phone call from your best friend, simply because the thought of any interaction is overwhelming. This is often labeled the “social hangover.” After too much stimulation or masking, you might need to be alone, sometimes for days, to feel normal again. You might also pull away from work or responsibilities – like ignoring emails, procrastinating important tasks – not because you don't care, but because you just can't right now. Your system is forcing a shutdown of non-critical activities to try to recover.Lack of Motivation or Pleasure: When all your energy is sapped, even things you normally enjoy can feel like chores. A hobby you love feels too demanding. Meeting a friend for a fun activity feels daunting. This can be tricky because it can start to look like depression. In fact, chronic exhaustion and burnout can lead to depression, and they share some symptoms. One distinguishing factor some people notice: if it's primarily AuDHD fatigue, when you do occasionally get a burst of energy or hyperfocus (say something really interests you or you had a very restful period), your mood and motivation bounce back. Whereas with clinical depression, even on good energy days you might not feel joy. It can co-occur though, so it's always good to be mindful of mental health – but often what we think might be “I'm depressed or lazy” is actually “I'm burnt out and my brain is desperately trying to conserve energy.”Failure to Rejuvenate: The hallmark sign – you tried to rest, and it “didn't work.” Like you slept in, but you still feel tired. Or you spent the evening doing nothing, but feel no more ready to face the next day. It might feel like you have a permanently low battery that never gets past 50%, no matter what you do. This is a big clue that something about the type of rest or the amount of rest isn't matching what you need (we'll address that soon). It can also be a sign of deeper burnout, where short-term fixes won't cut it and you might need a more significant change or longer recovery time.Frequent Illness or Pain Flare-ups: I'll mention this too – when you're chronically exhausted, your immune system can weaken. You might catch every cold that comes around, or if you have conditions like migraines or fibromyalgia (common in neurodivergent populations), they might flare when you're overtaxed. It's like your body is waving the white flag through symptoms.Does some of that feel familiar? It's not a fun list, I know. But recognizing these signs in yourself is important. It's the first step to acknowledging, “I'm not lazy, I'm not failing at self-care – there's something very real going on that I can address differently.”Now, the big question: What can we do about it? How do we recharge all these different batteries properly, so that rest actually means something and we can start to restore our energy (and maybe even prevent getting so drained in the first place)? Let's move into the practical part: strategies and tips to manage your energy as an AuDHD person.Tips and Strategies for True RechargingAlright, now that we've dissected the problem, let's talk solutions. The goal here is to help you rest smarter, not just more. We want to target the right kind of rest for the exhaustion you have, and also manage our lives in a way that prevents draining every battery to zero if possible. Here are some strategies and tips, a blend of personal experience, science-backed advice, and things that many neurodivergent folks find helpful:1. Identify What Kind of “Tired” You Are: When you feel wiped out, take a moment to do a self check-in: What exactly feels drained? Is it your brain (mental fatigue, too many thoughts)? Is it emotional (feeling numb or overly sensitive)? Sensory (craving quiet/darkness or feeling jumpy at sounds)? Physical (body is heavy, sleepy)? Social (sick of people, need solitude)? There's no one right answer – it could be “all of the above,” but try to sense which ones are strongest. This matters because the remedy depends on the cause. If your tiredness is mostly physical, then physical rest (sleep, a nap, or just gentle activity) will help most. If it's mostly sensory, then you might need low stimulation (noise-cancelling headphones, a dark room, minimal touch). If it's mental, you might need to give your brain a break from consuming info – maybe do something hands-on or take a walk in nature without your phone. Practice asking yourself “What kind of tired am I right now?” and “What would truly feel nourishing?” It might take time to figure it out, but even just pausing and naming it can prevent you from automatically doing the wrong kind of rest.2. Embrace Different Types of Rest: Building on the above, familiarize yourself with the idea that rest is not just sleep or sitting around. There are many types of rest – some experts break it down into categories like: physical, mental, sensory, social, emotional, creative, spiritual. This might sound abstract, but it's actually practical. For instance:If you've been around people all day (social drain), you likely need social rest – some time alone or with people who are “easy” to be around (like a close loved one who you don't have to put on a show for).If your senses are overloaded (sensory drain), you need sensory rest – a break from input. That could mean a quiet dim room, or closing your eyes for a bit, or a soothing sensory experience like a warm bath (which calms the system).If you've been solving problems and on the computer nonstop (mental drain), your brain needs mental rest – do something low-demand like doodling, listening to gentle music, or literally daydreaming. Let your executive brain go offline for a bit.If you've been masking and managing emotions (emotional drain), you might need emotional rest – which could look like journaling your true feelings, having a good cry, talking to someone you trust and letting out all the bottled-up stuff, or just engaging in something that makes you belly-laugh or feel comforted. It also might mean giving yourself permission to not care for a little while about others' expectations.If you have an under-stimulation fatigue (sometimes ADHDers get exhausted from boring routines), you might need creative or novelty rest – which ironically means doing something interesting that fills your tank (like a fun hobby, a new game, something that sparks joy). This is why “rest” isn't always just doing nothing; sometimes our brains are tired from monotony and need a safe kind of excitement or creativity to feel revitalized.And of course, physical rest is important if your body is tired – that means sleep, nap, or gentle movement that helps you relax (like stretching, yoga, slow walking – often called “active rest” because it helps circulation and muscle recovery without being strenuous).Mix and match these as needed. Often, we need a combo. Say you had an overstimulating workday – you might need sensory + social rest (e.g. go to a dim room alone) and mental rest (don't force yourself to tackle a big project in the evening). Or if you spent all day caregiving your kids (social + emotional + sensory drain, parents I see you!), you might need physical rest (put your feet up) plus emotional rest (vent to a friend or watch a comfort show that lets you feel something). Being intentional about the type of rest means your downtime is more likely to actually recharge the depleted battery, not just scratch some other itch.3. Schedule Targeted Recharge Time (and Protect It): We often plan our work or social events, but we don't plan our recovery, and then it either doesn't happen or gets eaten up by other things. If you know certain activities drain you, start building in counter-balances. For example:If you have a big social event on Saturday, block Sunday morning as “quiet time” for yourself in a way that addresses the expected drain. If the party will be loud and socially demanding, maybe Sunday morning is reserved for a nature walk alone (sensory calm + solitude).If weekdays drain your executive function (as they do for many of us), maybe declare one evening a week as “no-decisions evening” – prepare a simple routine meal or order takeout, and do a low-brain-power activity. Treat it like a meeting with yourself that you don't cancel.Use tools like alarms or calendar reminders to check in with yourself during the day. Sometimes we literally forget to rest. A short pause mid-day to ask “How am I feeling? Need water? Need a break from noise?” can prevent deeper depletion. I personally have a sticky note on my monitor that says “Pause: Breathe & Feel – what do you need?” because otherwise hours go by and I haven't even unclenched my shoulders.Learn to anticipate crashes: If you notice a pattern like “Every day around 3 PM I crash,” consider adding a 15-minute rest break at 2:30 – maybe a quick walk or a stretch, or listening to a calming song with eyes closed. It's like a pit stop for your brain so it can finish the day.And importantly, protect that rest time. It's tempting to give it up when someone asks a favor or an extra task pops up. But remember, without that recharge, you won't be at your best and you might pay for it double later. Treat rest as an important appointment with yourself – because it is!4. Reduce Masking and Energy Leaks Where Possible: We can't always drop the mask – the world isn't always accommodating, and in some situations you might feel it's necessary to appear “on.” But consider where you can safely be more yourself or make things easier:Communicate needs to close friends or family: Let them know that after a certain time or event, you might be quiet or need to leave early due to exhaustion. Educating the people around you that “I get overstimulated or drained and it's just how my brain works” can build understanding and reduce the need to put on a show. If your friends know you're going to be sitting in the corner petting the cat after an hour at the party, and they're cool with it, you don't have to force yourself to mingle beyond your capacity.Stim and relax, even in small ways: If you've been holding in all your fidgeting or sensory self-soothing at work, take bathroom breaks or “fresh air breaks” where you can wiggle, shake out, do some deep pressure (like a quick self-hug or wall push-ups) – basically let your body reset. These mini-releases throughout the day can prevent the massive end-of-day collapse.Delegate or use supports for executive tasks: Energy leaks happen when we spend way too long on something because our brain is struggling. If you can afford it or have the option, use tools to reduce effort: maybe that's using a grocery delivery service instead of roaming overwhelming aisles, or using a scheduling app to remember appointments instead of trying to hold it all in memory. Perhaps at work you can ask for an accommodation like written instructions or a quieter workspace or flexible hours. Finding areas where you're expending extra effort just to keep up, and finding a smarter workaround, can save precious energy for where you really need it.Learn where you can say “no”: This is tough, but are there social interactions or obligations you can limit? You don't have to attend every gathering or help every person who asks, especially if you know it will overextend you. It's perfectly okay to have a quota – like one social event per weekend, or keeping weeknights free – whatever works for you. Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself, to your rest.5. Calming the Overactive Nervous System: Since stress and sensory overload keep us in high alert, actively practicing techniques to switch into “rest mode” can be a game changer. Some approaches:Breathing exercises: Even something as simple as 3 deep slow breaths can signal your body to relax. One technique is the 4-7-8 breath (inhale for 4, hold 7, exhale 8) which can reduce anxiety. Or try diaphragmatic breathing (belly breaths). Doing this periodically, and especially before bed, can help lower that cortisol and adrenaline.Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and release muscle groups one by one. This not only relieves physical tension but also helps you notice where you've been holding stress (like “wow, my jaw was super tight!”).Sensory comfort: Use tools that help you feel safe and calm. For some, that might be a weighted blanket or a soft hoodie. For others, it's noise-cancelling headphones or listening to white noise/rain sounds. Dimming the lights in the evening, using warm-colored bulbs instead of harsh white light, can cue your brain that it's wind-down time. Basically, create a little sensory safe space for yourself when you need to recharge.Mindfulness or meditation: I know, not everyone's into meditation, but even a few minutes of sitting and noticing your surroundings or your breath can pull you out of the racing thoughts and ground you. Mindfulness can also help with interoception – if you practice checking in with bodily sensations in a non-judgy way, you might start catching those “I'm thirsty” or “I'm anxious” cues earlier. There are apps and guided meditations specifically geared towards relaxation and body awareness, which some neurodivergent folks find useful (and if traditional meditation is hard, things like mindful walking or even a repetitive hobby can be meditative).Therapeutic supports: If anxiety or an overactive stress response is a major issue, consider professional support. Therapy (like cognitive behavioral therapy or somatic therapies) can help you develop coping strategies and address triggers. For some, certain medications or supplements that regulate sleep and anxiety (like melatonin for sleep, or as prescribed by a doctor, maybe an SSRI for anxiety) can also be part of the puzzle. There's no shame in using every tool available to help your nervous system find balance.6. Tune Into and Honor Your Body's Signals (Practice Interoception): This one is about building the skill of listening to your body. It might sound odd if interoception is an issue, but you can improve it with practice. Some ideas:Set external reminders to check internal states. For example, keep a water bottle at your desk as a visual cue to drink regularly, rather than waiting to feel thirsty. Have scheduled snack times so you don't go 10 hours without eating. Use a bedtime alarm to remind yourself to start a wind-down routine, since you might not notice you're tired until 2 AM when you're dead tired.Use tracking or journals: Sometimes writing down energy levels or what you did and how you felt can reveal patterns. Maybe you notice “Every time I have back-to-back meetings, I get a migraine in the evening.” That's a clue to insert breaks or coping strategies around meetings. Or “Whenever I skip lunch, I get really anxious by 4 PM” – aha, low blood sugar and stress might be combining. Tracking apps for mood/energy, or a simple diary, can improve your mind-body awareness.Body scan exercises: These are mindfulness exercises where you mentally scan from head to toe, noticing any sensations (tightness, hunger, discomfort, calm). Doing a short body scan once a day can train your brain to check in with places you normally ignore. You might catch “Oh, my heart is racing, maybe I'm more stressed than I realized,” or “My eyes ache, I might need to close them for a bit.”Don't wait for crisis to refuel: If you start recognizing the earlier signs of being low on a certain “battery,” try to address it then, not when you're already in meltdown or shutdown zone. This might mean proactively resting. For example, if you notice “I'm getting pretty peopled out at this gathering,” excuse yourself for a short break before you hit the wall. If you notice you're getting headachey and cranky at work, maybe step outside or to a quiet restroom for 5 minutes, rather than soldiering on until you can't function. We often override our early signals out of obligation or because we're used to pushing through. Give yourself permission to pause before you crash – it can make a world of difference in recovery time and intensity.7. Replenish the Basics: It sounds almost too basic, but when you're worn down, foundational health stuff becomes crucial: nutrition, hydration, movement, and sleep.Nutrition: A brain that's out of fuel will feel tired and foggy. Try to eat regularly and include protein and complex carbs in meals to keep your blood sugar stable (wild sugar swings can mimic anxiety and fatigue). If you're too tired to cook on bad days, no shame in keeping easy snacks or shakes around. The point is to give your body some real fuel. Also, deficiencies in things like iron, vitamin D, B12, etc., can cause fatigue – might be worth getting a check-up if you suspect it. Many ADHDers forget to eat; many autistics have limited diets – so a multivitamin or specific supplements might help if diet isn't covering bases (ask a doc or dietitian).Hydration: Even mild dehydration can cause tiredness and headaches. Keep water or something with electrolytes handy. If plain water is hard, try flavored or fizzy water. We often forget to drink when hyperfocused or out of routine.Movement: This is tricky because when you're exhausted, exercise sounds impossible. But gentle movement can actually create energy in the long run. It improves mood, reduces stress chemicals, and helps you sleep better later. The key is gentle and enjoyable: a slow stretch while watching a show, a short walk in fresh air, dancing to one song in your room – something that gets your blood flowing without feeling like a chore. It's like giving your body a little tune-up. Some days you might only manage to move from bed to couch and that's okay too; when you have the energy, try sprinkling small movement snacks into your week.Sleep hygiene: Since many of us have irregular sleep, paying attention to sleep hygiene is huge. That includes things like having a consistent-ish bedtime and wake time, making your bedroom as comfortable and low-stimulation as possible, avoiding screens right before bed if you can (blue light and information overload trick the brain into staying awake), or using tools like white noise, eye masks, or even melatonin if appropriate. Also, if racing thoughts keep you up, try keeping a notepad by the bed – jot down anything on your mind to “offload” it, or listen to a calming audiobook or podcast at low volume to focus your mind away from anxious thoughts (just not one that's too stimulating). The goal is to help your brain and body wind down enough to get quality rest. If insomnia or delayed sleep phase (night-owl syndrome) is severe, consider talking to a doctor – there are interventions that can help (like light therapy, prescription meds, etc.). Don't just accept terrible sleep as your fate – it's something worth troubleshooting, because better sleep will amplify all your other efforts to recharge.8. Be Compassionate and Adjust Expectations: This might be the most important tip: be kind to yourself. Recognize that your fatigue is not a moral failing. You're not lazy for being tired. AuDHD individuals truly do face more daily stress and effort – of course you're exhausted! Start reframing rest as productive and necessary, not a luxury. It's part of your health and effectiveness. Also, communicate and adjust expectations with those around you (and with yourself). Maybe you can't do “all the things” in one day that others can – that's okay. Quality of life improves when you stop comparing your energy output to neurotypical standards.It's fine if you need two hours of downtime for every three hours of social time, or if after work your only goal is making a simple dinner and then chilling – that might be what allows you to thrive long-term. If you plan a restful vacation and you spend the first two days just sleeping and doing nothing – perhaps you needed that. Trust that meeting your needs is the path to unlocking your best self. When you do start feeling more recharged, you'll actually be able to do the things you want to do, and enjoy them, which is the ultimate goal.Each small step – whether it's learning to identify your tiredness type, or setting a boundary, or finding a perfect snack that keeps you from crashing – is a win. Celebrate those. We often have a perfectionist streak or we've been made to feel we're not doing enough. But here you are, learning how to take care of your remarkable, unique brain and body. That's absolutely something to be proud of.Reflection QuestionsAs we come to the end of this episode, I want to leave you with some reflection questions. These are meant to help you apply what we've discussed to your own life. You might consider journaling your answers, or just ponder them quietly. There are no right or wrong answers – they're just prompts for self-discovery and practical planning.1. Which aspects of your life drain your energy the most lately? Try to name them: Is it social interactions? Sensory environments? Work-related executive function tasks? Emotional stress? Recognizing your biggest drains is the first step to addressing them.2. When you do feel recharged or have a good energy day, what helped? Think of a recent time you actually felt rested or upbeat – what had you done (or not done) leading up to that? Identifying even small things that rejuvenate you (like “I felt great after that hike” or “having a quiet morning to myself made a difference”) can give clues to the kinds of rest you need more of.3. What type of rest do you think you're not getting enough of? (Physical, mental, sensory, social, emotional, creative, spiritual, or any category that resonates with you.) How did you realize this – what signs or feelings point to that deficit? For example, “I might need more sensory rest because I've been feeling jumpy and irritable by evening,” or “I suspect I need mental rest because my mind feels overloaded and I'm forgetting things.”4. How well are you noticing your own needs in the moment? Do you catch yourself getting tired, hungry, overstimulated early, or only when you're at a breaking point? Reflect on one or two cues you might have missed recently (like “I missed that I was thirsty and got a headache”). What could you do to catch those sooner next time (maybe a reminder or a mindful pause)?5. What is one barrier that often stops you from resting or recharging properly? Is it guilt (“I feel like I should be productive”)? Is it external (too many responsibilities, lack of a quiet space)? Maybe it's not knowing how to rest effectively. Write down that barrier. Now brainstorm one or two ways you could lessen that barrier. For instance, if guilt is a barrier, how can you remind yourself that rest is necessary (perhaps repeat a mantra: “Rest is refueling, not wasting time”)? If time is a barrier, what can you delegate or drop or reschedule to carve out a bit of downtime?6. What are some small recharge rituals you could build into your day or week? Think of tiny actions that give you even a spark of energy or calm. It could be a 5-minute tea break with no phone, or doing a silly dance when nobody's watching, or stepping outside to feel the sun for a moment. Make a little list of “go-to quick rechargers” for yourself. These will be handy when you notice a specific battery running low.7. Envision your ideal restored self. Imagine that you have been taking really good care of all these different energy needs for a while. How do you think you would feel and act? Paint a mental picture: “I wake up feeling __, I go through my day feeling __, I have energy for __, I feel more __.” Describe the differences you'd notice in a well-rested, balanced version of you. This vision can be motivating – it's not a fantasy, it's something that can gradually become reality as you experiment with what works for you. What part of that vision could you start working towards now?Take your time with these questions – you might even revisit them periodically, because your needs can change over time or in different seasons of life. The purpose is to increase your self-awareness and to spark ideas for adjustments that can lead to better energy management.ConclusionWe've covered a lot in this episode, so let's briefly recap: The simple “social battery” idea doesn't quite cut it for AuDHD brains because our energy drains on multiple fronts – masking, sensory overwhelm, executive function effort, chronic stress, and missing our internal signals. Just “resting” in a generic sense often isn't enough; we need the right kind of rest for the right kind of tired. The physiology of our brains and bodies explains why this exhaustion is real and not laziness. And the good news is, there are strategies to help – from mixing up the types of rest you get, to planning recovery time, to advocating for your needs and learning to read your body's signals better.I hope you found some validation in this – you're not alone in feeling this exhaustion, and you're not failing when rest doesn't magically fix it. It's a complex issue, but you can make progress by understanding your unique energy profile. Even small tweaks – like using earplugs in a noisy place or taking a 10-minute brain break – can yield noticeable benefits. Remember, you deserve to feel restored and it is possible with patience and practice.Thank you for joining me today on Authentically ADHD. I'm proud of you for taking this time to learn about how to better care for yourself. If this episode resonated with you, feel free to share it with friends or anyone who might be running on empty and not know why. And if you have your own tips or experiences with the “social battery” and AuDHD life, I'd love to hear them – you can reach out on my socials or leave a comment.Paid subscribers get the downloadable “AuDHD Social Battery Decoder Kit” — a printable, fillable workbook that turns today's episode into actual tools you can use when you're fried.If you've ever rested and still felt exhausted, it's not because you're doing rest “wrong.” It's because your brain wasn't depleted by “socializing” alone — it was depleted by masking, sensory load, executive function taxes, stress activation, and not noticing your needs until your system was running on fumes.This kit helps you:identify what actually drained youmatch the right kind of rest to the system that's depletedbuild simple recovery ritualsuse copy/paste scripts when your brain goes blankplan your week like an AuDHD nervous system deservesIt's practical. It's kind. And it's designed for brains that hate homework.Until next time, be kind to yourself, pay attention to those batteries, and remember: rest isn't a reward, it's a necessity. Stay authentic and we will talk soon!This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Paid Bonus at end of this: Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

If you've ever tried to start something simple—doing the dishes, sending the email, getting out the door—and still somehow couldn't make it happen, this episode is for you.Russ Jones is back with Isabelle and David to go deeper into what actually works when ADHD makes even the smallest task feel impossible. You can go back and listen to part one of their conversation here. Russ, ADHD wellness coach and creator of ADHD Big Brother, gets candid about his own patterns and tools—and how even with all his knowledge and experience, he still gets stuck sometimes. But instead of spiraling into shame or "just try harder" mode, this episode is about finding your way back to momentum without beating yourself up.Here's what's coming your way:How to use behavioral momentum to get moving again—by starting small and stacking tiny winsWhy body doubling isn't just helpful—it's a core support strategy (especially on the hard days)The exact self-check-in Russ uses to stay consistent without self-blame—and how you can try it tooDavid also unpacks why these tools work from a neuroscience perspective, Isabelle shares her own struggles with task initiation, and the group unpacks how perfectionism can sneak in and sabotage even our best intentions!Want to try Russ's method? He shares a free downloadable guide called Ready, Set, Go! to help you start with the smallest possible step. You can get it by signing up for his newsletter at adhdbigbrother.com. You can also check out the ADHD Big Brother Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.--------Wait—What's That? Here are some of the terms mentioned in this episode you might want a quick refresher on:CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): A structured approach that helps identify and reframe unhelpful thoughts and behaviors. Russ talks about using CBT to take shame out of the equation and break tasks down into achievable steps.ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy): A therapy modality that encourages accepting uncomfortable thoughts without judgment and taking action based on values. David and Isabelle briefly reference it while discussing internal self-talk.Behavioral Momentum: A strategy where doing one small task can help you build enough mental energy to do the next one. Key concept discussed by Russ when he shares how to stack tiny wins.Body Doubling: A method where simply doing a task alongside someone else (virtually or in person) helps increase focus and follow-through. Russ talks about this as a game-changing tool for him and his community.Compassionate Check-Ins: A self-inquiry tool Russ uses regularly—quick moments to assess what's working and what's not, without self-judgment.Russell Barkley: A prominent clinical psychologist known for his research on ADHD, mentioned by Isabelle while discussing the neurological underpinnings of executive dysfunction.Coaching vs. Therapy: Russ clarifies that he's a coach, not a therapist—he works from lived experience and ADHD-specific tools to help people build structure and momentum.--------

Jen Hurst interviews Michael Wright on how his neurodiversity has had an impact on his teaching, students as well as insight into how being neurodivergent is both his superpower and kryptonite!

Check out the collection of fidgets Team Shiny loves! You know what to do. You've made the list, downloaded the app, maybe even set a timer. But when it's time to actually do the thing, your brain shuts down. And instead of momentum, you get a wall of shame.In this episode of Something Shiny: ADHD, David and Isabelle are joined by Russ Jones, creator of ADHD Big Brother, wellness coach, and no-BS accountability pro. Russ brings a unique humor and honesty to one of the hardest parts of living with ADHD—knowing what to do but still not being able to do it.This conversation dives into:The motivation myth (and what actually helps ADHD brains move)Why “just try harder” never worksThe role of accountability—especially when it's designed for youHow shame becomes invisible architecture in your daily lifeThe shift that happens when someone believes in your ability to changeRuss isn't here to hand out hacks—he's here to name what's real, what's hard, and what might help. Because sometimes the most useful tool is someone showing you that you're not broken, you've just been using the wrong blueprint.Want more from Russ? Visit ADHDBigBrother.com and check out the ADHD Big Brother Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.

Took our cat to the vet. The vet had a meltdown. I was on the receiving end. It was unexpected, I actually wasn't the one melting down for once, and I was surprisingly understanding....but still cried. A lot! (I'd rate this autistic episode an A + + +)***Email: autisticang38@gmail.comAutistic Logic Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://angela-walker-s-school.teachable.com/p/why-this-feels-right-the-hidden-logic-behind-your-choices⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Adult Autism 101: angela-walker-s-school.teachable.com/p/adultautism101Public Journal series: amazon.com/author/autisticangSubstack: autisticang38.substack.comInstagram: instagram.com/autisticang38LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/autistic-ang-87494030aQuora: adulthoodwithachanceofautism.quora.comReddit: reddit.com/r/autisticang38Threads: threads.net/@autisticang38Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/autisticang38.bsky.social

Check out the collection of fidgets Team Shiny loves! You know that moment when you're doing something hard, painful, or just plain exhausting, and a tiny voice whispers, "Why is this so hard for me?" You're not alone and in this episode we'll break down where that comes from and how to escape the shame spiral.We're joined again by therapist Grace Gautier, a trans woman who works closely with trans and neurodivergent communities. Last week the group cracked open the shame so many of us carry about being “too much” or “not enough” and began to see those traits not as flaws, but as survival strategies. If you haven't heard that one yet, listen here. It's a grounding prequel to this one—especially if you've ever felt like you had to earn your way into belonging. This episode follows that path even deeper! Because once you name the systems that shaped you, the question becomes: now what?It's a conversation about internalized ableism, pushing through pain to prove worth, and the quiet (and sometimes loud) practice of unmasking. Not everywhere. Not all at once. Just somewhere. Together, they unpack:Why we equate doing hard things with being good enoughHow ableism hides in everyday pressure and perfectionismWhat it looks like to stop chasing ease and start honoring honestyThe quiet power of choosing to show up as yourselfIf you've ever felt stuck over performing while quietly falling apart, this conversation might be a the paradigm shift you need.

This week on Dishing with Buff Faye, Buff is serving up a powerful and heartfelt conversation for the holiday season about Autism and the Neurodiversity Movement with special guest Rebecca Tarrant, founder of Autism Kids and a proud volunteer with FREE MOM HUGS.  Rebecca is a Neurodivergent mother of a minimally-speaking Autistic child and shares her inspiring journey and the mission behind Autism Kids, an organization led by Neurodivergent, Neurotypical, and Autistic board members.But before diving in, Buff has some Thanksgiving-season Tea to Spill! She reflects on gratitude, acknowledging that not everyone feels supported or celebrated this time of year. Buff encourages listeners to embrace Friendsgiving, chosen family, and the power of reaching out, inviting others in, and offering kindness where it's needed most. She also shares some Buff-approved tips for navigating holiday stress, tricky family dynamics, and emotionally heavy moments with heart and humor. And then… it's time for a very special celebration! Buff gives a HUGE birthday shout-out to her husband of 30 years, the one and only Tommy Feldman- who, fun fact, was born on Thanksgiving Day right after his Mom enjoyed turkey and stuffing! A true holiday miracle, honey! Listen now as Buff and Rebecca dish on community, compassion, Neurodiversity, and how we can show up for one another during the holidays. Let's Dish, y'all.

Check out the collection of fidgets Team Shiny loves! There's a particular kind of tired that seeps past your muscles—it settles in your body memory. The kind that comes from years spent reshaping yourself around other people's comfort. If you've ever been told your joy was too big, your voice too loud, your questions too many—this conversation might feel like exhaling.In this episode of Something Shiny: ADHD, therapist Grace Gautier joins Isabelle Richards and David Kessler for a deeply human conversation about what it means to hide your corners to stay connected. Grace, a trans woman who works closely with trans and neurodivergent communities, puts language to something so many of us have felt but couldn't name: carceral logic—that cultural instinct to isolate or correct those who struggle, instead of shifting the environment to support them.We talk about what happens when systems teach us to monitor ourselves before anyone else can. How masking gets confused for maturity. How survival strategies get mislabeled as flaws. And why returning to connection—not perfection—is the real work of healing.We explore:The overlap between neurodivergent and trans lived experiencesWhy we learn to tuck away the most beautiful, vital parts of ourselvesThe difference between being managed and being metHow community becomes the repairDavid brings in the metaphor of the uncarved block—this tender image of a version of you untouched by the sanding-down of social expectation. Grace recognizes herself immediately. She traces how her sensory overwhelm, emotional intensity, and clutter-as-memory weren't signs of dysfunction—they were adaptations. Signals. Ways of being.Grace also shares the ache of her father's deportation and the clarity that arrived when she was finally diagnosed with ADHD later in life. Suddenly, things made sense. She didn't need to try harder—she needed support that didn't punish her nervous system.By the end of this conversation, you'll realize the parts you were taught to hide were actually never flaws to fix, but rather truths you were carrying alone. What shifts when you stop mistaking survival for failure? What changes when you see your ADHD traits not as obstacles, but as signals? Maybe, for the first time, things make sense. And maybe that sense brings a kind of peace you didn't know you were allowed to feel.

Check out the collection of fidgets Team Shiny loves! We gotta be able to handle hearing people talk about us, even when it's triggering and hard, because it can ultimately show us where the work is. And maybe you can be an expert on soething without having it yourself (like ADHD) but perhaps it requires a sense of curiosity, empathy, or some kind of introspection that recpognizes your lane, your scope, and your own biases? From anthropology and sociology to X-Men and who is Magneto and Charles Xavier, David and Isabelle meander through what it means to be an ally and also set up some solid recent hyperfixations.---We gotta tolerate hearing people talking about what they think about us, including people who have lots of degrees and expertise, and also know that each person doesn't have the answers. Maybe it has to do with conversations that people have about us without us ADHDers? Then again there are journalists, who don't have expertise but who can report on the data they get. David names that there are good and bad journalists, and there is critical thinking. How much about people's ADHD ‘expertise' includes interpersonal work and understanding about attachment, relationships, your own identity. Like, if you're an expert on ADHD and you're not friends with people who have ADHD outside of your work (if you yourself don't have it)—something to look at? David names that as therapists, we have this debate about multicultural approaches—do you need to have a white therapist to work with white clients, a Black therapist to work with Black therapists? You need to know your lane and your expertise. David's own therapist is not an expert in ADHD. And neither is Isabelle's. They know to ask us questions, can ask “how does this relate to ADHD?” We might be the person with ADHD that helps them better understand that. Allies don't want to get rid of parts of you, they want to help parts of you. An ally is different than a researcher, Isabelle wants to name that you need to be enough of an ally to a topic and be curious. In undergrad, she studied anthropology and archaeology, and it's a blend of super specific science and also lots of educated guessing. She remembers learning about participant observation in anthropology, that just by observing a culture or a group you are impacting the group. It's way more about noticing what your own biases are. David's own background in sociology, the idea of intersectionality. David didn't really think about ADHD or neurodiversity as a culture until college. He's a big comic book fan and he loved the X-Men. They're trying to hide their mutant powers to not be exploited by the government and the X-Men are trying to help these mutants and take them to saving. Charles Xavier and Magneto were portrayed to be iconic people. Magneto was Malcolm X while Charles Xavier was based on Martin Luther King, Jr. It's two different portrayals around protecting yourself—do you get violent and active or passive? Maybe the mutants are a great metaphor for neurodiversity as well as the civil rights war—if you have been marginalized you can have empathy toward other people who are marginalized. It's not so personal, people do things to us that they do to other marginalized groups. It can also signify that we have a culture. It would be if everyone says they have a pile of unfolded clothes that threaten your identity, your pile of mail—-culturally both David and Isabelle are both connected to the plan that they didn't want to leave it there. When we connect about parts of our culture. Isabelle and David so appreciate this conversation. Isabelle names asynchronous processing—she can't just off the cuff rattle off her ideas and also needs time to talk it out, externalize, and think about things beyond the initial moment or conversations. How important it is for us to keep having these conversations. Isabelle wonders if David is like Charles Xavier. He wishes he could be Charles Xavier. Isabelle might be Charles Xavier. Because maybe she loves or identifies with Patrick Stewart so much. So maybe David is Magneto—in the comic books they were best friends, and he was like “they'll never learn, we need to protect our people” whereas as the other is like “don't give in to our aggressive urges.” David needs to shout out: Dungeon Crawler Carl. Not wearing any pants, the cat jumps out of his house trying to get the cat out of the tree, and Carl can then go on an 18 level dungeon crawl and can save the planet earth. The audio book is a treasure, David is a big fan of role playing games, he consumed all seven books in less than three weeks. Isabelle names why cats get stuck in trees, their claws go the other way so they get stuck—but big cats can go backwards. Isabelle mentions an enneagram book that she really appreciates. She was hooked on Borders and loved it as a kid and would keep trying to have someone explain me to me, and one of those books was on the enneagram (which makes David feel like he went to the bathroom during learning fractions and never picked up on it). And she mispronounced it and would read the book at people. Because tell her she's neurospicy without telling her she's neurospicy.Stephanie Sarkis is an ADHD expert who also has ADHD  X-Men and more on Patrick StewartThe American Psychological Association vote on 'homosexuality' being listed as a diagnosable mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) happened back in the LATE 80's (WHAAAATTTTT? yes).--there is a long history to depathologizing sexual identities, deeply impacted by tons of activism and advocacy. For more, you can see this NIH article on this history.Dungeon Crawler Carl seriesCats getting stuck on trees because of claw shape -- fascinatingly, going down backwards is a skill some cats can learn. Also, here is this website: Catrescueguy.com. *(you're welcome)*The amazing enneagram book Isabelle was trying to remember the title of -- The Unfiltered Enneagram by Elizabeth Orr------Cover Art by: Sol VázquezTechnical Support by: Bobby Richards Here's a nifty little promo code for those who either delayed gratification or who let this episode run through to the end because they were busy vacuuming.

In which I discuss a recent mistake I made in following neurotypical advice, and the lesson I learned about how important it is for neurodivergent folks to know how to assess what is safe for their nervous systems before taking action.Also in this episode: my podcast's mini rebrand and a diagnosis I got this summer.My name is Kendra and I'm an AuDHD writer, podcaster, and erstwhile social scientist.

Sign up for “Different by Design: A Retreat for Gifted, Sensitive & Neurodivergent Adults” happening January 30-31, 2026 https://retreatwithdianne.com/   How do we build a world that also allows those who are built differently to thrive?   In this episode of Someone Gets Me, Dianne A. Allen explores the five things neurodivergent people face in a world designed for neurotypical minds. She shares how we can make life more harmonious, use our unique strengths to avoid isolation and burnout, and remember that being who you are never makes you less.   This is a reminder to embrace your gift and that identity fatigue is not worth it.   Learn more on the Someone Gets Me Podcast – Being Neurodivergent in a Neurotypical World   Did you enjoy this episode? Subscribe to the channel, tap the notification bell, and leave a comment!   You can also listen to the show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Amazon Music.   How to Connect with Dianne A. Allen   Dianne A. Allen, MA is an intuitive mentor, speaker, author, ambassador, hope agent, life catalyst, and the CEO and Founder of Visions Applied. She has been involved in personal and professional development and mental health and addiction counseling. She inspires people in personal transformation through thought provoking services from speaking and podcasting to individual intuitive mentoring and more. She uses her years of experience coupled with years of formal education to blend powerful, practical, and effective strategies and tools for success and satisfaction. She has authored several books, which include How to Quit Anything in 5 Simple Steps - Break the Chains that Bind You, The Loneliness Cure, A Guide to Contentment, 7 Simple Steps to Get Back on track and Live the Life You Envision, Daily Meditations for Visionary Leaders, Hope Realized, and Where Do You Fit In?   Website: https://msdianneallen.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dianne_a_allen/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/msdianneallen/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dianneallen/# Twitter: https://x.com/msdianneallen   Check out Dianne's new book, Care for the Neurodivergent Soul. https://a.co/d/cTBSxQv   Visit Dianne's Amazon author page. https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0F7N457KS   You have a vision inside to create something bigger than you. What you need is a community and a mentor. Personal mentoring will inspire you to grow, transform, and connect in new ways. The Someone Gets Me Experience could be that perfect solution to bringing your heart's desire into reality. You will grow, transform, and connect. https://msdianneallen.com/someone-gets-me-experience/   For a complimentary “Get to Know You” 30-minute call: https://visionsapplied.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=4017868   Join our Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/someonegetsme   Follow Dianne's Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/msdianneallen   Email contact: dianne@visionsapplied.com   Dianne's Mentoring Services: https://msdianneallen.com/  

A quick (well… as quick as my ADHD brain will allow!) story on why I've changed the name and the lane — for both my coaching and this podcast.I'm sharing the moment that lit the fire, the women I'm here to serve now, and why this shift feels bigger than just fitness coaching for me now.Welcome to my new mission — I can't wait to take you along for the ride.

Check out the collection of fidgets Team Shiny loves! Is the 'overdiagnosing' of ADHD, autism, and other neurodevelopmental conditions a 'danger,' and to whom? Isabelle and David continue taking some common myths and misperceptions, questioning who and how we gatekeep 'neurodiversity' (including the idea that maybe there really is no 'neurotypical')--and how one group's fears that these labels harm us cannot negate the fear neurospicy folks have that they will be in trouble, or judged, or stigmatized for being who they are and unmasking. Also using the power of compassion and inviting more conversations, while not jumping to cancelling anyone--because everyone gets to fart in an elevator once or twice. -----Isabelle is coming in hot. She continues to explore her reaction to a podcast episode she listened to recently, Armchair Expert with guest Suzanne O'Sullivan on overdiagnosis, which went from covering seizure disorders to ADHD and autism, especially high-masking autism, real quick.  She is so frustrated that a non-expert on ADHD—someone like O'Sullivan, whose expertise is working with epilepsy and seizure disorders, has now spent so much time talking about ADHD and autism when that is not an area of expertise. David names that he thinks this is an important conversation to have, because we are validating the other perspectives. There is a medical model of disease sets us up to want to oppose or eradicate the ‘disease;' where things like neurodevelopment conditions like ADHD and autism are not something to be ‘cured' or ‘fixed.” David makes the comparison, its like a bunch of people sitting and talking about going to Mexico when no one has ever been there—cultural representation. For example, someone has mild amounts of anxiety throughout the day. They understand this anxiety as having ADHD. They use ADHD interventions to help them and they found a community, and it makes sense and they feel better, it works for them. And then someone comes up with a reason to say that person does not have ADHD, that this definition does not apply—why are we being so careful when it comes to gatekeeping diversity, including neurodiversity?  This wonderful person that David met at a training, named Shay, asked: is there anyone that is neurotypical? We could think of the difference between traits and states. And then he thought about personal examples. He doesn't know if there is someone "neurotypical." Would it to be less shocking that people have different neurological needs or educational differences if we recognized that there may be no 'one' baseline or group to compare everything to? And how quickly we dismiss difference--like knowing that because David listened to books, the argument that what he did was not 'reading'--but we get back to actual question, which is...what was the task, and did it get done?  Often, talking about the fantasy of how ADHD looks or how its supposed to be, it's more about other people. A lot of people with ADHD believe that if its easy for them, they're cheating. Because its supposed to be hard. Do most non-ADHD people think that way?  The debates are now that anxiety, bipolar disorder, OCD—these are neurological differences—they are also looking at causal factors to all these conditions that are not chosen. So is the only person who is ‘normal' the person who has no feelings, reactions, or responses?  Someone who has no big responses to stimuli, someone who is antisocial? Isabelle does fall into the categorizing and black and white thinking, and how its a part of learning, to categorize and generalize. This is not dissimilar to how people talk about race, gender, and about culturally defined parts of experiences because we collectively make them a thing—maybe its myth making and collective storytelling. There is a gravitational pull to the idea of being neurotypical or mentally ‘well' and then there's good and bad. Isabelle wonders where the compassion goes? David speaks up—they have compassion. People are scared. People are scared and when we're scared, we have a reflexive reactions. People have found safety or comfort in the label of ‘normal' or ‘neurotypical,' and they see difference as not good, and they're really trying to, in their mind, help people in their messaging. Terror management theory: when you're scared, you find a group of people who are like you and you band together to be less scared. So, there are a chunk of people out there who are getting very specific about who is in or out of the group.  David can have a lot of compassion for that fear, that fear about who gets to belong. But he also wants to speak to the neurodivergent person who is doing something you tell them will help—and it hurts them? It's a real fear we carry. David uses the example of his mom—bless her heart (see the Southern US use of this phrase on many levels below)—who grew up being told the importance of having arch support in shoes, and so when David had flat feet, she had him use these inserts—David is not blaming his mom, she did the best she could—lots of people are told not to touch things, don't go into the light. Every neurodivergent person has to have the fear “I'm doing this wrong, I'm in trouble, I'm doing something bad!” To little David: you know, you have flat feet, you have more stability around corners—but another voice would say “don't tell anyone you have flat feet, it's bad.” He has compassion for the fear people have that want everyone to be the same, to not stand out or be different, and there is also a fear that neurodivergent people sit with every day about whether or not they're allowed to act the way they act. Isabelle names that the podcasters were saying “oh, these diagnoses are an excuse to then act in ways that are socially awkward.” Ahem. Isabelle describes how this feels like when she describes her inner workings to someone in all the steps she takes when she sits down next to someone, wondering if this is the right physical distance, is she staring at their eyebrows too long, is she pausing appropriately, etc.—and when she unmasks and reveals this, the person considers it a compliment to say “I couldn't tell.” It's the idea that someone outside of you knows more about your experience than you do. The way that diagnoses connect to power and gatekeeping for services and Isabelle makes the point that those who are saying “over diagnosis is dangerous”—to whom? On what planet are folks who are neurospicy getting enough of the supports and services and resources and access that they need? The system is already failing most of us. David names: this isn't cancer, this isn't people getting chemo erroneously. There is no danger in identification, it's about getting our needs met. What do we do as a society to neglected people, and the more you know about your needs, the less of a danger being neglected becomes. This is a question of someone who knows a lot about things wandered over into another area and made bold statements without the expertise. Isabelle was extra miffed that she also dismissed the intersections of Autism, ADHD, POTS, hyper mobile Ehlers Danlos, and MCAS and ‘nonexistent' —so damaging and harmful. These are real things, the interconnectedness of them is being actively researched, just because you are new to the party does not make something false or untrue. As David puts it, in the 70's or 80's, the APA took a vote to decide if being gay was good or bad, essentially (“do we keep gayness as a disorder?” Yes folks, this was that recently. GAH.). Now imagine someone was asleep for ten years and missed that memo and is now walking around looking at pride flags wondering “why are there so man...

You're listening to Burnt Toast! Today, my guest is Ash Brandin of Screen Time Strategies, also know as The Gamer Educator on Instagram. Ash is also the author of a fantastic new book, Power On: Managing Screen Time to Benefit the Whole Family. Ash joined us last year to talk about how our attitudes towards screen time can be…diet-adjacent. I asked them to come back on the podcast this week because a lot of us are heading into back-to-school mode, which in my experience can mean feelingsss about screen routines. There are A LOT of really powerful reframings in this episode that might blow your mind—and make your parenting just a little bit easier. So give this one a listen and share it with anyone in your life who's also struggling with kids and screen time.Today's episode is free but if you value this conversation, please consider supporting our work with a paid subscription. Burnt Toast is 100% reader- and listener-supported. We literally can't do this without you! PS. You can take 10 percent off Power On, or any book we talk about on the podcast, if you order it from the Burnt Toast Bookshop, along with a copy of Fat Talk! (This also applies if you've previously bought Fat Talk from them. Just use the code FATTALK at checkout.)Episode 208 TranscriptVirginiaFor anyone who missed your last episode, can you just quickly tell us who you are and what you do?AshI'm Ash Brandin. I use they/them pronouns.I am a middle school teacher by day, and then with my online presence, I help families and caregivers better understand and manage all things technology—screen time, screens. My goal is to reframe the way that we look at them as caregivers, to find a balance between freaking out about them and allowing total access. To find a way that works for us. VirginiaWe are here today to talk about your brilliant new book, which is called Power On: Managing Screen Time to Benefit the Whole Family. I can't underscore enough how much everybody needs a copy of this book. I have already turned back to it multiple times since reading it a few months ago. It just really helps ground us in so many aspects of this conversation that we don't usually have.AshI'm so glad to hear that it's helpful! If people are new to who I am, I have sort of three central tenets of the work that I do: * Screen time is a social inequity issue. * Screens can be part of our lives without being the center of our lives. * Screens and screen time should benefit whole families.Especially in the last few years, we have seen a trend toward panic around technology and screens and smartphones and social media. I think that there are many reasons to be concerned around technology and its influence, especially with kids. But what's missing in a lot of those conversations is a sense of empowerment about what families can reasonably do. When we focus solely on the fear, it ends up just putting caregivers in a place of feeling bad.VirginiaYou feel like you're getting it wrong all the time.AshShame isn't empowering. No one is like, “Well, I feel terrible about myself, so now I feel equipped to go make a change,” right?Empowerment is what's missing in so many of those conversations and other books and things that have come out, because it's way harder. It's so much harder to talk about what you can really do and reasonably control in a sustainable way. But I'm an educator, and I really firmly believe that if anyone's in this sort of advice type space, be it online or elsewhere, that they need to be trying to empower and help families instead of just capitalizing on fear.VirginiaWhat I found most powerful is that you really give us permission to say: What need is screen time meeting right now? And this includes caregivers' needs. So not just “what need is this meeting for my child,” but what need is this meeting for me? I am here recording with you right now because iPads are meeting the need of children have a day off school on a day when I need to work. We won't be interrupted unless I have to approve a screen time request, which I might in 20 minutes.I got divorced a couple years ago, and my kids get a lot more screen time now. Because they move back and forth between two homes, and each only has one adult in it. Giving myself permission to recognize that I have needs really got me through a lot of adjusting to this new rhythm of our family.AshAbsolutely. And when we're thinking about what the need is, we also need to know that it's going to change. So often in parenting, it feels like we have to come up with one set of rules and they have to work for everything in perpetuity without adjustment. That just sets us up for a sense of failure if we're like, well, I had this magical plan that someone told me was going to work, and it didn't. So I must be the problem, right? It all comes back to that “well, it's my fault” place.VirginiaWhich is screens as diet culture.AshAll over again. We're back at it. It's just not helpful. If instead, we're thinking about what is my need right now? Sometimes it's “I have to work.” And sometimes it's “my kid is sick and they just need to relax.” Sometimes it's, as you were alluding to earlier, it's we've all just had a day, right? We've been run ragged, and we just need a break, and that need is going to dictate very different things. If my kid is laid up on the couch and throwing up, then what screen time is going to be doing for them is very different than If I'm trying to work and I want them to be reasonably engaged in content and trying to maybe learn something. And that's fine. Being able to center “this is what I need right now,” or “this is what we need right now,” puts us in a place of feeling like we're making it work for us. Instead of feeling like we're always coming up against some rule that we're not going to quite live up to.VirginiaI'd love to talk about the inequity piece a little more too. As I said, going from a two parent household to a one parent household, which is still a highly privileged environment—but even just that small shift made me realize, wait a second. I think all the screen time guidance is just for typical American nuclear families. Ideally, with a stay at home parent.So can you talk about why so much of the standard guidance doesn't apply to most of our families?AshIt's not even just a stay at home parent. It's assuming that there is always at least one caregiver who is fully able to be present. Mom, default parent, is making dinner, and Dad is relaxing after work and is monitoring what the kids are doing, right? And it's one of those times where I'm like, have you met a family?VirginiaPeople are seven different places at once. It's just not that simple.AshIt's not that simple, right? It's like, have you spent five minutes in a typical household in the last 10 years? This is not how it's going, right?So the beginning of the book helps people unlearn and relearn what we may have heard around screens, including what research really does or doesn't say around screens, and this social inequity piece. Because especially since the onset of COVID, screens are filling in systemic gaps for the vast majority of families.I'm a family with two caregivers in the home. We both work, but we're both very present caregivers. So we're definitely kind of a rarity, that we're very privileged. We're both around a lot of the time. And we are still using screens to fill some of those gaps.So whether it's we don't really have a backyard, or people are in a neighborhood where they can't send their kids outside, or they don't have a park or a playground. They don't have other kids in the neighborhood, or it's not a safe climate. Or you live in an apartment and you can't have your neighbors complain for the fifth time that your kids are stomping around and being loud. Whatever it is—a lack of daycare, affordable after school care —those are all gaps. They all have to be filled. And we used to have different ways of filling those gaps, and they've slowly become less accessible or less available. So something has to fill them. What ends up often filling them is screens. And I'm not saying that that's necessarily a good thing. I'd rather live in a world in which everyone is having their needs met accessibly and equitably. But that's a much harder conversation, and is one that we don't have very much say in. We participate in that, and we might vote for certain people, but that's about all we can really do reasonably. So, in the meantime, we have to fill that in with something and so screens are often going to fill that in.Especially if you look at caregivers who have less privilege, who are maybe single caregivers, caregivers of color, people living in poverty—all of those aspects of scarcity impacts their bandwidth. Their capacity as a caregiver is less and spread thinner, and all of that takes away from a caregiver's ability to be present. And there were some really interesting studies that were done around just the way that having less capacity affects you as a caregiver.And when I saw that data, I thought, well, of course. Of course people are turning to screens because they have nothing else to give from. And when we think of it that way, it's hard to see that as some sort of personal failure, right? When we see it instead as, oh, this is out of necessity. It reframes the question as “How do I make screens work for me,” as opposed to, “I'm bad for using screens.”VirginiaRight. How do I use screen time to meet these needs and to hopefully build up my capacity so that I can be more present with my kids? I think people think if you're using a lot of screens, you're really never present. It's that stereotype of the parent on the playground staring at their phone, instead of watching the kid play. When maybe the reason we're at the playground is so my kid can play and I can answer some work emails. That doesn't mean I'm not present at other points of the day.AshOf course. You're seeing one moment. I always find that so frustrating. It just really feels like you you cannot win. If I were sitting there staring at my child's every move in the park, someone would be like, “you're being a helicopter,” right? And if I look at my phone because I'm trying to make the grocery pickup order—because I would rather my child have time at the playground than we spend our only free hour in the grocery store and having to manage a kid in the grocery store and not having fun together, right? Instead I'm placing a pickup order and they're getting to run around on the playground. Now also somehow I'm failing because I'm looking at my phone instead of my kid. But also, we want kids to have independent time, and not need constant input. It really feels like you just can't win sometimes. And being able to take a step back and really focus on what need is this meeting? And if it's ours, and if it is helping me be more present and connected, that's a win. When I make dinner in the evening, my kid is often having screen time, and I will put in an AirPod and listen to a podcast, often Burnt Toast, and that's my decompression. Because I come home straight from work and other things. I'm not getting much time to really decompress.VirginiaYou need that airlock time, where you can decompress and then be ready to be present at dinner.I'm sure I've told you this before, but I reported a piece on screen time for Parents Magazine, probably almost 10 years ago at this point, because I think my older child was three or four. And I interviewed this Harvard researcher, this older white man, and I gave him this the dinner time example. I said, I'm cooking dinner. My kid is watching Peppa Pig so that I can cook dinner, and take a breath. And then we eat dinner together. And he said, “Why don't you involve her in cooking dinner? Why don't you give her a bag of flour to play with while you cook dinner?”AshOf all the things!VirginiaAnd I said to him: Because it's 5pm on a Wednesday and who's coming to clean the flour off the ceiling?AshA bag of flour. Of all the things to go to! VirginiaHe was like, “kids love to make a happy mess in the kitchen!” I was like, well I don't love that. And it was just exactly that. My need didn't matter to him at all. He was like, “h, well, if you just want to pacify your children…” I was like, I do, yes, in that moment.AshWell, and I think that's another part of it is that someone says it to us like that, and we're like, “well, I can't say yes,” right? But in the moment, yeah, there are times where it's like, I need you to be quiet. And as hard as this can be to think, sometimes it's like right now, I need you to be quiet and convenient because of the situation we're in. And that doesn't mean we're constantly expecting that of them, and hopefully that's not something we're doing all the time. But if the need is, oh my God, we're all melting down, and if we don't eat in the next 15 minutes, we're going to have a two hour DEFCON1 emergency on our hands, then, yeah, I'm gonna throw Peppa Pig on so that we can all become better regulated humans in the next 15 minutes and not have a hungry meltdown. And that sounds like a much better alternative to me!VirginiaThan flour all over my kitchen on a Wednesday, right? I mean, I'll never not be mad about it. It's truly the worst parenting advice I've ever received. So thank you for giving us all more space as caregivers to be able to articulate our own needs and articulate what we need to be present. It's what we can do in the face of gaps in the care system that leave us holding so much.That said: I think there are some nitty gritty aspects of this that we all struggle wit, so I want to talk about some of the nuts and bolts pieces. One of my biggest struggles is still the question of how much time is too much time? But you argue that time really isn't the measure we should be using. As you're saying, that need is going to vary day to day, and all the guidance that's been telling us, like, 30 minutes at this age, an hour at this age, all of that is not particularly germane to our lives. So can you explain both why time is less what we should fixate on? And then how do I release myself? How do I divest from the screen time diet culture?AshOh man, I wish I had a magic bullet for that one. We'll see what I can do.When I was writing this and thinking about it and making content about it, I kept thinking about you. Because the original time guidelines that everyone speaks back to—they're from the AAP. And they have not actually been used in about 10 years, but people still bring them up all the time. The “no time under two” and “up to an hour up to age five” and “one to two hours, five to 12.” And if you really dig in, I was following footnote after footnote for a while, trying to really find where did this actually come from? It's not based on some study that found that that's the ideal amount of time. It really came from a desire to find this middle ground of time spent being physically idle. These guidelines are about wanting to avoid childhood obesity.VirginiaOf course.AshIt all comes back, right?VirginiaI should have guessed it.AshAnd so in their original recommendations, the AAP note that partially this is to encourage a balance with physical movement. Which, of course, assumes that if you are not sitting watching TV or using an iPad, that you will be playing volleyball or something.VirginiaYou'll automatically be outside running around.AshExactly, of course, those are the only options.VirginiaIt also assumes that screen time is never physical. But a lot of kids are very physical when they're watching screens.AshExactly. And it, of course, immediately also imposes a morality of one of these things is better—moving your body is always better than a screen, which is not always going to be true, right? All these things have nuance in them. But I thought that was so interesting, and it shouldn't have surprised me, and yet somehow it still did. And of course it is good to find movement that is helpful for you and to give your kids an enjoyment of being outside or moving their bodies, or playing a sport. And putting all of that in opposition to something else they may enjoy, like a screen, really quickly goes to that diet culture piece of “well, how many minutes have you been doing that?” Because now we have to offset it with however many minutes you should be running laps or whatever.So those original recommendations are coming from a place of already trying to mitigate the negatives of sitting and doing something sort of passively leisurely. And in the last 10 years, they've moved away from that, and they now recommend what's called making a family media plan. Which actually I think is way better, because it is much more prioritizing what are you using this for? Can you be doing it together? What can you do? It's much more reasonable, I think. But many people still go back to those original recommendations, because like you said, it's a number. It's simple. Just tell me.VirginiaWe love to grab onto a number and grade ourselves.AshJust tell me how much time so that I can tell myself I'm I'm doing a good job, right? But you know, time is just one piece of information. It can be so specific with what am I using that time to do? If I'm sitting on my computer and doing work for an hour and a half, technically, that is screen time, but it is going to affect me a lot differently than if I'm watching Netflix or scrolling my phone for an hour and a half. I will feel very different after those things. And I think it's really important to be aware of that, and to make our kids aware of that from an early age, so that they are thinking about more than just, oh, it's been X amount of minutes. And therefore this is okay or not okay.Because all brains and all screens are different. And so one kid can watch 20 minutes of Paw Patrol, and they're going to be bouncing off the walls, because, for whatever reason, that's just a show that's really stimulating for them. And somebody else can sit and watch an hour and a half of something, and they'll be completely fine. So if you have a kid that is the first kid, and after 20 minutes, you're like, oh my god, it's not even half an hour. This is supposed to be an okay amount. This is how they're acting. We're right back to that “something's wrong. I'm wrong. They're bad,” as opposed to, “What is this telling me? What's something we could do differently? Could we try a different show? Could we try maybe having some physical movement before or after, see if that makes a difference?” It just puts us more in a place of being curious to figure out again, how do I make this work for me? What is my need? How do I make it work for us?And not to rattle on too long, but there was a big study done in the UK, involving over 120,000 kids. And they were trying to find what they called “the Goldilocks amount of time.”VirginiaYes. This is fascinating.AshSo it's the amount of time where benefit starts to wane. Where we are in that “just right”amount. Before that, might still be okay, but after that we're going to start seeing some negative impacts, particularly when it comes to behavior, for example.What they found in general was that the Goldilocks number tended to be around, I think, an hour and 40 minutes a day. Something around an hour and a half a day. But if you looked at certain types of screens, for computers or TV, it was much higher than that. It was closer to three hours a day before you started seeing some negative impacts. And even for things like smartphones, it was over an hour a day. But what I found so so interesting, is that they looked at both statistical significance, but also what they called “minimally important difference,” which was when you would actually notice these negative changes, subjectively, as a caregiver.So this meant how much would a kid have to be on a screen for their adult at home to actually notice “this is having an impact on you,” regularly. And that amount was over four and a half hours a day on screens.VirginiaBefore caregivers were like, “Okay, this is too much!” And the fact that the statistically significant findings for the minutia of what the researchers looking at is so different from what you as a caregiver are going to actually be thrown by. That was really mind blowing to me.AshRight, And that doesn't mean that statistical significance isn't important, necessarily. But we're talking about real minutiae. And that doesn't always mean that you will notice any difference in your actual life.Of course, some people are going to hear this and go, “But I don't want my kid on a screen for four and a half hours.” Sure. That's completely reasonable. And if your kid is having a hard time after an hour, still reasonable, still important. That's why we can think less about how many minutes has it been exactly, and more, what am I noticing? Because if I'm coming back to the need and you're like, okay, I have a meeting and I need an hour, right? If you know, “I cannot have them use their iPad for an hour, because they tend to become a dysregulated mess in 25 minutes,” that's much more useful information than “Well, it says they're allowed to have an hour of screen time per day so this should be fine because it's an hour.”VirginiaRight.AshIt sets you up for more success.VirginiaAnd if you know your kid can handle that hour fine and can, in fact, handle more fine, it doesn't mean, “well you had an hour of screen time while I was in a meeting so now we can't watch a show together later to relax together.” You don't have to take away and be that granular with the math of the screens. You can be like, yeah, we needed an extra hour for this meeting, and we'll still be able to watch our show later. Because that's what I notice with my kids. If I start to try to take away from some other screen time, then it's like, “Oh, god, wait, but that's the routine I'm used to!” You can't change it, and that's fair.AshYes, absolutely. And I would feel that way too, right? If someone were giving me something extra because it was a convenience to them, but then later was like, “oh, well, I have to take that from somewhere.” But they didn't tell me that. I would be like, Excuse me, that's weird. That's not how that works, right? This was a favor to you, right?VirginiaYeah, exactly. I didn't interrupt your meeting. You're welcome, Mom.Where the time anxiety does tend to kick in, though, is that so often it's hard for kids to transition off screens. So then parents think, “Well, it was too much time,” or, “The screen is bad.” This is another very powerful reframing in your work. So walk us through why just because a kid is having a hard time getting off screens doesn't mean it was too much and it doesn't mean that screens are evil? AshSo an example I use many times that you can tweak to be whatever thing would come up for your kid is bath time. I think especially when kids are in that sort of toddler, three, four age. When my kid was that age, we had a phase where transitioning to and from the bathtub was very hard. Getting into it was hard. But then getting out of it was hard.VirginiaThey don't ever want to get in. And then they never want to leave.AshThey never want to get out, right? And in those moments when my kid was really struggling to get out of the bathtub, imagine how it would sound if I was like, “Well, it it's the bathtub's fault.” Like it's the bath's fault that they are having such a hard time, it's because of the bubbles, and it smells too good, and I've made it too appealing and the water's too warm. Like, I mean, I sound unhinged, right?Virginia“We're going to stop bathing you.”AshExactly. We would not say, “Well, we can't have baths anymore.” Or when we go to the fun playground, and it's really hard to leave the fun playground, we don't blame the playground. When we're in the grocery store and they don't want to leave whichever aisle, we don't blame the grocery store. And we also don't stop taking them to the grocery store. We don't stop going to playgrounds. We don't stop having baths. Instead, we make different decisions, right? We try different things. We start a timer. We have a different transition. We talk about it beforehand. We strategize, we try things.VirginiaGive a “Hey, we're leaving in a few minutes!” so they're not caught off guard.AshExactly. We talk about it. Hey, last time it was really hard to leave here, we kind of let them know ahead of time, or we race them to the car. We find some way to make it more fun, to make the transition easier, right? We get creative, because we know that, hey, they're going to have to leave the grocery store. They're going to have to take baths in a reasonable amount of time as they grow up into their lives. We recognize the skill that's happening underneath it.And I think with screens, we don't always see those underlying skills, because we see it as this sort of superfluous thing, right? It's not needed. It's not necessary. Well, neither is going to a playground, technically.A lot of what we do is not technically required, but the skill underneath is still there. So when they are struggling with ending screen time, is it really the screen, or is it that it's hard to stop doing something fun. It's hard to stop in the middle of something. It's hard to stop if you have been playing for 20 minutes and you've lost every single race and you don't want to stop when you've just felt like you've lost over and over again, right? You want one more shot to one more shot, right?People are going to think, “Well, but screens are so much different than those other things.” Yes, a screen is designed differently than a playground or a bath. But we are going to have kids who are navigating a technological and digital world that we are struggle to even imagine, right? We're seeing glimpses of it, but it's going to be different than what we're experiencing now, and we want our kids to be able to navigate that with success. And that comes back to seeing the skills underneath. So when they're struggling with something like that, taking the screen out of it, and asking yourself, how would I handle this if it were anything else. How would I handle this if it were they're struggling to leave a friend's house? I probably wouldn't blame the friend, and I wouldn't blame their house, and I wouldn't blame their boys.VirginiaWe're never seeing that child again! Ash I would validate and I would tell them, it's hard. And I would still tell them “we're ending,” and we would talk about strategies to make it easier next time. And we would get curious and try something, and we would be showing our kids that, “hey, it's it's okay to have a hard time doing that thing. It's okay to have feelings about it. And we're still gonna do it. We're still going to end that thing.”Most of the time, the things that we are struggling with when it comes to screens actually boil down to one of three things, I call them the ABCs. It's either Access, which could be time, or when they're having it, or how much. Behavior, which you're kind of bringing up here. And Content, what's on the screen, what they're playing, what they what they have access to.And so sometimes we might think that the problem we're seeing in front of us is a behavior problem, right? I told them to put the screen away. They're not putting the screen away. That's a behavior problem. But sometimes it actually could be because it's an access issue, right? It's more time than they can really handle at that given moment. Or it could be content, because it's content that makes it harder to start and stop. So a big part of the book is really figuring out, how do I know what problem I'm even really dealing with here? And then what are some potential things that I can do about it? To try to problem solve, try to make changes and see if this helps, and if it helps, great, keep it. And if not, I can get curious and try something else. And so a lot of it is strategies to try and ways to kind of, you know, backwards engineer what might be going on, to figure out how to make it work for you, how to make it better.VirginiaIt's so helpful to feel like, okay, there's always one more thing I can tweak and adjust. Versus “it's all a failure. We have to throw it out.” That kind of all or nothing thinking that really is never productive. The reason I think it's so helpful that you draw that parallel with the bath or the play date is it reminds us that there are some kids for whom transitions are just always very difficult—like across the board. So you're not just seeing a screen time problem. You're being reminded “My kid is really building skills around transitions. We don't have them yet.” We hope we will have them at some point. But this is actually an opportunity to work on that, as opposed to a problem. We can actually practice some of these transition skills.AshAnd I really like coming back to the skill, because if we're thinking of it as a skill, then we're probably more likely to tell our kids that it's a skill, too. Because if we're just thinking of it as like, well, it's a screen. It's the screen's fault, it's the screen's fault. Then we might not say those literal words to our kids, but we might say, like, it's always so hard to turn off the TV. Why is that, right? We're talking about it as if it's this sort of amorphous, like it's only about the television, or it's only about the iPad, and we're missing the part of making it clear to our kids that, hey, this is a skill that you're working on, and we work on this skill in different ways.VirginiaI did some good repair with my kids after reading your book. Because I was definitely falling into the trap of talking about screen addiction. I thought I was saying to them, “It's not your fault. The screens are programmed to be bad for us in this way” So I thought, I was like at least not blaming them, but being like, we need less screens because they're so dangerous.But then I read your book, and I was like, oh, that's not helpful either. And I did have one of my kids saying, “Am I bad because I want to watch screens all the time?” And I was like, oh, that's too concrete and scary.And again, to draw the parallel with diet culture: It's just like telling kids sugar is bad, and then they think they're bad because they like sugar. So I did do some repair. I was like, “I read this book and now I've learned that that was not right.” They were like, oh, okay. We're healing in my house from that, so thank you.AshOh, you're very welcome, and I'm glad to hear that!I think about those parallels with food all the time, because sometimes it just helps me think, like, wait, would I be wanting to send this message about food or exercise or whatever? And if the answer is no, then how can I tweak it so that I'm sending a message I'd be okay with applying to other things. And I like being able to make those parallels with my kid. In my household right now, we're practicing flexibility. Flexibility is a skill that we're working on in so many parts of our lives. And when I say we, I do mean we. Me, everybody is working on this.VirginiaParents can use more flexibility, for sure.AshAbsolutely. And so like, when those moments are coming up, you know, I'm trying to say, like, hey, like, what skill is this right now? Who's having to be flexible right now? Flexible can be a good thing, right? We might be flexible by saying yes to eating dinner on the couch and watching a TV show. That's flexibility. Flexibility isn't just adjust your plans to be more convenient to me, child, so that I can go do something as an adult. And coming back to those skills so they can see, oh, okay, this isn't actually just about screens. This applies to every part of these of my life, or these different parts of my life, and if I'm working on it here, oh, wow, it feels easier over there. And so they can see that this applies throughout their life, and kind of feel more of that buy in of like, oh, I'm getting better at that. Or that was easier. That was harder. We want them to see that across the board.VirginiaOh, my God, absolutely.Let's talk about screens and neurodivergence a little bit. So one of my kiddos is neurodivergent, and I can both see how screens are wonderful for them at the end of a school day, when they come home and they're really depleted. Screen time is the thing they need to rest and regulate. And they love the world building games, which gives them this whole world to control and explore. And there's so much there that's wonderful.And, they definitely struggle more than their sibling with this transition piece, with getting off it. One kid will naturally put down the iPad at some point and go outside for a bit, and this kid will not. And it creates more anxiety for parents. Because neurodivergent kids may both need screens—in ways that maybe we're not totally comfortable with, but need to get comfortable with—and then struggle with the transition piece. So how do you think about this question differently with neurodivergence? Or or is it really the same thing you're just having to drill in differently?AshI think it is ultimately the same thing, but it certainly is going to feel quite more heightened. And I think especially for certain aspects of neurodivergence, especially, I think it feels really heightened because of some of the ways that they might be discussed, particularly online, when it comes to how they relate to technology. I think about ADHD, we'll see that a lot. Where I'll see many things online about, like, “kids with ADHD should never be on a screen. They should never be on a device, because they are so dopamine-seeking.” And I have to just say that I find that to be such an ableist framing. Because with ADHD, we're talking about a dopamine deficient brain. And I don't think that we would be having that same conversation about someone needing insulin, right? Like, we wouldn't be saying, like, oh yeah, nope, they can't take that insulin. VirginiaThey're just craving that insulin they need to stay alive.AshA kid seeking a thing that they're that they are somehow deficient in—that's not some sort of defiant behavior. VirginiaNo, it's a pretty adaptive strategy.AshAbsolutely, it is. And we want kids to know that nobody's brain is good or bad, right? There's not a good brain or a bad brain. There are all brains are going to have things that are easier or harder. And it's about learning the brain that you're in, and what works or doesn't work for the brain that you're in.And all brains are different, right? Neurotypical brains and neurodivergent brains within those categories are obviously going to be vastly different. What works for one won't work for another, and being able to figure out what works for them, instead of just, “because you have this kind of brain, you shouldn't ever do this thing,” that's going to set them up for more success. And I think it's great that you mentioned both how a screen can be so regulating, particularly for neurodivergent brains, and then the double-edged sword of that is that then you have to stop. VirginiaTransition off back into the world.AshSo if the pain point is a transition, what is it really coming from? Is it coming from the executive function piece of “I don't know how to find a place to stop?” A lot of people, particularly kids ADHD, they often like games that are more open-ended. So they might like something like a Minecraft or an Animal Crossing or the Sims where you can hyperfocus and deep dive into something. But what's difficult about that is that, you know, if I play Mario Kart, the level ends, it's a very obvious ending.VirginiaRight? And you can say, “One more level, and we're done.”AshExactly. We've reached the end of the championship. I'm on the podium. I quit now, right?But there's a never ending series of of tasks with a more open-ended game. And especially if I'm in my hyper focus zone, right? I can just be thinking, like, well, then I can do this and this and this and this and this, right?And I'm adding on to my list, and the last thing I want to do in that moment is get pulled out of it when I'm really feeling like I'm in the zone. So if that's the kind of transition that's difficult. And it's much less about games and more about “how do I stop in the middle of a project?” Because that's essentially what that is.And that would apply if I'm at school and I'm in the middle of an essay and we're finishing it up tomorrow. Or I'm trying to decorate a cake, and we're trying to walk out the door and I have to stop what I'm doing and come back later. So one of the tricks that I have found really helpful is to ask the question of, “How will you know when you're done?” Or how will you know you're at a stopping point? What would a stopping point be today? And getting them to sort of even visualize it, or say it out loud, so that they can think about, “Oh, here's how I basically break down a giant task into smaller pieces,” because that's essentially what that is.VirginiaThat's a great tip. Ash“Okay, you have five minutes. What is the last thing you're going to do today?” Because then it's concrete in terms of, like, I'm not asking the last thing, and it will take you half an hour, right? I'm at, we have five minutes. What's the last thing you're wrapping up? What are you going to do?Then, if it's someone who's very focused in this world, and they're very into that world, then that last thing can also be our transition out of it. As they're turning it off, the very first thing we're saying to them is, “So what was that last thing you were doing?”VirginiaOh, that's nice.AshThen they're telling it to us, and then we can get curious. We can ask questions. We can get a little into their world to help them transition out of that world. That doesn't mean that we have to understand what they're telling us, frankly. It doesn't mean we have to know all the nuance. But we can show that interest. I think this is also really, really important, because then we are showing them it's not us versus the screen. We're not opposing the screen, like it's the enemy or something. And we're showing them, “Hey, I can tell you're interested in this, so I'm interested in it because you are.” Like, I care about you, so I want to know more.VirginiaAnd then they can invite you into their world, which what a lot of neurodivergent kids need. We're asking them to be part of the larger world all the time. And how nice we can meet them where they are a little more.AshAbsolutely. The other thing I would say is that something I think people don't always realize, especially if they don't play games as much, or if they are not neurodivergent and playing games, is they might miss that video games actually are extremely well-accommodated worlds, in terms of accommodating neurodivergence.So thinking about something like ADHD, to go back to that example, it's like, okay, some really common classroom accommodations for ADHD, from the educator perspective, the accommodations I see a lot are frequent check ins, having a checklist, breaking down a large task into smaller chunks, objectives, having a visual organizer.Well, I think about a video game, and it's like, okay, if I want to know what I have available to me, I can press the pause menu and see my inventory at any time. If I want to know what I should be doing, because I have forgotten, I can look at a menu and see, like, what's my objective right now? Or I can bring up the map and it will show me where I supposed to be going. If I start to deviate from what I'm supposed to be doing, the game will often be like, “Hey, don't forget, you're supposed to be going over there!” It'll get me back on task. If I'm trying to make a potion that has eight ingredients, the game will list them all out for me, and it will check them off as I go, so I can visually see how I'm how I'm achieving this task. It does a lot of that accommodation for me. And those accommodations are not as common in the real world, or at least not as easily achieved.And so a lot of neurodivergent kids will succeed easily in these game worlds. And we might think “oh because it's addicting, or the algorithm, or it's just because they love it” But there are often these structural design differences that actually make it more accessible to them.And if we notice, oh, wow, they have no problem knowing what to do when they're playing Zelda, because they just keep checking their objective list all the time or whatever—that's great information.VirginiaAnd helps us think, how can we do that in real life? AshExactly. We can go to them and say, hey, I noticed you, you seem to check your inventory a lot when you're playing that game. How do we make it so that when you look in your closet, you can just as easily see what shirts you own. Whatever the thing may be, so that we're showing them, “hey, bring that into the rest of your world that works for you here.” Let's make it work for you elsewhere, instead of thinking of it as a reason they're obsessed with screens, and now we resent the screens for that. Bring that in so that it can benefit the rest of their lives.VirginiaI'm now like, okay, that just reframes something else very important for me. You have such a helpful way of helping us divest from the guilt and the shame and actually look at this in a positive and empowering way for us and our kids. And I'm just so grateful for it. It really is a game changer for me.AshOh, thank you so much. I'm so glad to hear that it was helpful and empowering for you, and I just hope that it can be that for others as well.ButterAshSo my family and I have been lucky enough to spend quite a lot of time in Japan. And one of the wonderful things about Japan is they have a very huge bike culture. I think people think of the Netherlands as Bike cCentral, but Japan kind of rivals them.And they have a particular kind of bike that you cannot get in the United States. It's called a Mamachari, which is like a portmanteau of mom and chariot. And it's sort of like a cargo bike, but they are constructed a little differently and have some features that I love. And so when I've been in Japan, we are on those bikes. I'm always like, I love this kind of bike. I want this kind of bike for me forever. And my recent Butter has been trying to find something like that that I can have in my day to day life. And I found something recently, and got a lovely step through bike on Facebook Marketplace. VirginiaSo cool! That's exciting to find on marketplace, too.AshOh yes, having a bike that like I actually enjoy riding, I had my old bike from being a teenager, and it just was not functional. I was like, “This is not fun.” And now having one that I enjoy, I'm like, oh yes. I feel like a kid again. It's lovely.VirginiaThat's a great Butter. My Butter is something both my kids and my pets and I are all really enjoying. I'm gonna drop a link in the chat for you. It is called a floof, and it is basically a human-sized dog bed that I found on Etsy. It's like, lined with fake fur.AshMy God. I'm looking at it right now.VirginiaIsn't it hilarious?AshWow. I'm so glad you sent a picture, because that is not what I was picturing?Virginia I can't describe it accurately. It's like a cross between a human-sized dog bed and a shopping bag? Sort of? AshYes, yes, wow. It's like a hot tub.VirginiaIt's like a hot tub, but no water. You just sit in it. I think they call it a cuddle cave. I don't understand how to explain it, but it's the floof. And it's in our family room. And it's not inexpensive, but it does basically replace a chair. So if you think of it as a furniture purchase, it's not so bad. There's always at least a cat or a dog sleeping in it. Frequently a child is in it. My boyfriend likes to be in it. Everyone gravitates towards it. And you can put pillows in it or a blanket.Neurodivergent people, in particular, really love it, because I think it provides a lot of sensory feedback? And it's very enclosed and cozy. It's great for the day we're having today, which is a very laid back, low demand, watch as much screen as you want, kind of day. So I've got one kid bundled into the floof right now with a bunch of blankets in her iPad, and she's so happy. AshOh my gosh. Also, it kind of looks like the person is sitting in a giant pita, which I also love.VirginiaThat's what it is! It's like a giant pita, but soft and cozy. It's like being in a pita pocket. And I'm sure there are less expensive versions, this was like, 300 something dollars, so it is an investment. But they're handmade by some delightful person in the Netherlands.Whenever we have play dates, there are always two or three kids, snuggled up in it together. There's something extremely addictive about it. I don't know. I don't really know how to explain why it's great, but it's great.AshOh, that is lovely.VirginiaAll right, well tell obviously, everyone needs to go to their bookstore and get Power On: Managing Screen Time to Benefit the Whole Family. Where else can we find you, Ash? How can we support your work?AshYou can find me on Instagram at the gamer educator, and I also cross post my Instagram posts to Substack, and I'm on Substack as Screen Time Strategies. It's all the same content, just that way you're getting it in your inbox without, without having to go to Instagram. So if that's something that you are trying to maybe move away from, get it via Substack. And my book Power On: Managing Screen Time to Benefit the Whole Family is available starting August 26 is when it fully releases.VirginiaAmazing. Thank you so much. This was really great.AshThank you so much for having me back.The Burnt Toast Podcast is produced and hosted by Virginia Sole-Smith (follow me on Instagram) and Corinne Fay, who runs @SellTradePlus, and Big Undies.The Burnt Toast logo is by Deanna Lowe.Our theme music is by Farideh.Tommy Harron is our audio engineer.Thanks for listening and for supporting anti-diet, body liberation journalism! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit virginiasolesmith.substack.com/subscribe

Neurotypical teens, teens without any mental health disorders at all, experience emotional dysregulation from time to time (some more than others). This is simply a byproduct of their changing brain and an oversensitive threat detector (the brain's amygdala).But teens with ADHD, certain mood disorders, and personality disorders are much more likely to experience intense mood swings and even more pronounced emotional dysregulation. And that's not the only symptom overlap between these disorders. As you can imagine, this can cause real issues for a professional diagnosis and for parents trying to find an answer and help for their teens and tweens.Today I'm going to talk to you about the problem with getting a definitive diagnosis. Plus, I want to tell you about one seldomly mentioned symptom of ADHD that only adds to the confusion and baffles many mental health professionals.It's critical for you to be aware of these confounding issues so you insure your teen receives the proper treatment.Free parenting Guide - "Giant Book of Parenting ADHD Teens"Free parenting guide - "Your Teen and Anxiety"Free parenting guide - "Emotion Coaching"Free parenting guide - "Understanding Your Teen's Brain"Show Notes and TranscriptFind our FREE Parenting Guides Here"I just wanted to let you know that I'm so thankful for your podcast! ...I'm so happy I discovered it!" Speaking of Teens Listener^If you feel the same way, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps people know the show is worth their time to listen. Tap here, to go to Apple podcasts, and scroll down until you see the STARS to tap on the last star, then tap on “Write a Review” and let me know what you love about the show. If you're listening in Spotify, you can also rate the show by going to the main episode page and tap the 3 dots to the right of the follow button, tap rate show and tap the 5th star!Thank you in advance for helping me help more parents!I drop new episodes every Tuesday and Friday so please tap Follow on the main episode page, so they'll be ready for you in your app. You can reach out to me with ideas for the show or guest suggestions here. Thanks so much for listening!Email Ann at acoleman@speakingofteens.com Check out PARENT CAMP - a cohort-based, 10-week experience that includes a virtual course, in-depth exercises and tools, and weekly live meetings with Ann, where you will learn how to strengthen your relationship and decrease the conflict with your teens and tweens (while improving their behavior.)Connect with us on Facebook or Instagram Read Speaking of Teens weekly articles on Substack Join our Facebook Group for Free Support for Parents and others who care for Teens (and get easy access to all the parenting guides above!)See My Recommended Books For Both You And Your Teen

APPLY for The Feral Women's Club Mastermind today: CLICK HERE Ep. 162: When I Stopped Trying to Be Neurotypical, Everything Changed + How I Found My Confidence For Realies

Let's revisit a bunch of neurodivergent folx reminiscing about what it was like growing up (and being diagnosed with) ADHD in the 90's. Featuring some real gems about accommodations for reading, what hyperfocus can feel like, and stuff about Richard Dreyfuss. ----Isabelle & David welcome Isabelle's husband, Bobby, and David's childhood friend, Ashley, who both also have ADHD. Ashley shares that she was diagnosed with ADHD back in '94 when understanding of ADHD was still in its early days and accommodations like audio books and extended time for test taking were new(er). The group describes what reading looks like, including eye tracking issues connected to ADHD—and the levels of accommodations they each use, including highlighters, white noise, audiobooks, etc. One way of handling a breakup is to mouth the words to the song that's playing while you're being dumped. Other accommodations to encourage hyperfocus on reading also include listening to older instrumental music, and matching beats per minute to the task you're doing. The advantages of continuous play on music platforms (like Spotify, not a sponsor) and the rabbit holes you can get lost in. Bobby's tangent on a gem of a comedy album (see below). The group also discusses other labels that you can gather along the way with ADHD; David was labelled as having behavior problems, skipping class, acting out. Bobby experienced the world as Ferris Buehler and his response to being bullied was to work the system to get the bullies to leave you alone. How impulsivity can help you work the system or leave you hanging. The idea of either not trying to make waves or making waves when none are around. The message David got was that there was something wrong with him. The white privilege of an ADHD diagnosis, as opposed to being labeled oppositional defiant. Name of Bobby's find (click for a link to a youtube video): I Wanna Meet Richard Dreyfuss by Gabriel GundackerEye tracking issues (related to ADHD): Typical issues that can impair reading are related to either impulsively (jumping to a wrong line) or attention issues related to thinking about off topic things while reading. Click here for more.DAVID'S DEFINITIONS:IMPOSTER SYNDROME is the belief you don't belong/are bad, or that you have to be perfect on the outside along with the fear you will be found out/exposed and people will know you're a mess on the inside. OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT (Disorder, AKA ODD) is a clinical diagnosis that is applied to children marked by intentional acts of disobedience, and conflicts with authority. This diagnosis is much different than a diagnosis of ADHD, although some parts of ADHD can be oppositional in nature, they are not truly rooted in fighting Authority, as much as the rooted in finding agency. For example, a person with ADHD may find themselves fighting an authority figure because they took a candy bar they were eating and want the candy bar back. A person with ODD would fighting the authority figure because they were an authority figure, forgetting about the candy bar.RESPONSE COST is understanding the consequences of our actions, later down the road.-------cover art by: Sol Vázqueztechnical support by: Bobby Richards

In this Parent Lean In episode, I'm talking with Margaret Webb about a question I hear often—how can we support our neurodivergent kids in connecting with neurotypical peers, especially when social skills don't quite align? We unpack one listener's situation with her sweet, social autistic son and talk about managing our own worries as parents, scaffolding playdates so they feel more successful, and finding the right playmate fit. It's all about creating safe, supportive opportunities for connection—without putting too much pressure on anyone involved.   Debbie Reber, MA is a parenting activist, bestselling author, speaker, and the CEO and founder of TiLT Parenting, a resource, top-performing podcast, consultancy, and community with a focus on shifting the paradigm for parents raising and embracing neurodivergent children. A regular contributor to Psychology Today and ADDitude Magazine, and the author of more than a dozen books for children and teens, Debbie's most recent book is Differently Wired: A Parent's Guide to Raising an Atypical Child with Confidence and Hope. Margaret Webb is a certified Master Life Coach, parenting coach, nature-based coach, former teacher, wife and mother. As a life and parenting coach, she weaves together her experience as an elementary education teacher with the tools she's learned in Martha Beck's Life Coach Training, Sagefire Institute's Nature-Based Coach Training, and what she's applied to her own life as a mom of a now 20-year-old autistic son. Her most recent book is Hero's Journey in Parenting: Parenting the Child You Didn't Expect While You Were Expecting.   Things you'll learn from this episode Why understanding the root causes of a child's behavior helps parents respond with empathy and effectiveness How dysregulation often stems from overwhelming emotions and energy that need safe release Why co-regulation and physical activity are powerful tools for helping children return to a calm state How a parent's calm presence can de-escalate emotional intensity and offer safety Why knowing when to step in and when to hold space without reacting is key to supporting regulation How keeping a long-term perspective can help parents navigate tough moments with more resilience and hope Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So with news articles and headlines about how folks with ADHD need to get off their meds or go outside or be 'cured', there's something of a big misunderstanding and gaps in perspectives on ADHD and what it actually means. Including our shared values as a real ADHD culture, especially around how people or authority figures will relate to us. David and Isabelle describe some of the shared values in neurodivergent or ADHD culture, including ideas around masking, disclosing, lateral thinking, and questioning authority--and whether you believe that others, particularly those in power, will help you or understand you. Exploring many aspects of the neurodivergent community--and how groups form--ADHDers (more likely than the average bear) identify as members of LGBTQ+ communities, members of nontraditional or non-dominant faith groups, entrepreneurs, tech-friendly folx, and members of the military, to start. From recognizing that there are stages and phases to feeling like you can both belong and be unique, to the power of community in developing a sense of self-esteem, the need to have metacognition (or an understanding of WHY a thing is or how it works for you). --David starts by naming that within a neurodivergent or ADHD culture, there are shared values. And what we believe might be impacted by our approach to masking and our context—did we have to mask a lot? Do we need masking or not? But it also asks us: do we believe that people will help us? That schools will help us? That people with power or systemic power will support us or understand us?  David doesn't think that trust in these systems is high in the ADHD population. A lot of people don't feel like they can trust the system and it might be why we don't disclose, we don't share, we don't ask. We are a subgroup, but we are not substandard. Lots of wars being waged on ADHD, and that entire perspective ignores the things that are important. Since David joined Eye to Eye years ago and joined the ND community, he watched graduation rates go up, he'd give talks in a room and ask “who has adhd?” And no one would raise their hand. “Does it feel wrong to be asked?” And now when you talk about it in a group, people raise their hands right away. There is the good work. There is a cultural war on ADHD. Isabelle names that one of the strengths of ADHD, which is important to include in any future articles, is that we think ‘creatively,' also known as lateral or divergent thinking. We don't necessarily follow a linear thought process and skip around  think laterally or divergently. For her fellow AuDHDers, Isabelle recognizes that she does want clarity and often tries to go back to a linear though process to make sure she's understanding something clearly. But in general, the lateral thinking—lends itself to questioning authority, taking multiple perspectives, playing devil's advocate, which doesn't necessarily mean that people feel comfortable sharing this. There's a larger percentage of us that identify as queer or LGBTQ+ communities, nonbinary, gender fluid—there's also a larger percentage of us that its int he military, tech community, entrepreneurs. We tolerate risk differently. David names that this allows us a different way of recognizing our needs. If the rest of the world tells you something should meet your needs but it doesn't, you're going to maybe go back to the drawing board and start to think about things a little differently. You may be a more natural out of the box thinker, because of a lack of neural pruning. More doesn't mean better, and it doesn't mean worse. It's not a a hierarchy. Just acknowledging it exists gives people a place to belong. Isabelle describes the stages of building a group—we first debate if we want to join, we norm and create a share a set of values and create a cohesion, and then the strength of the group's cohesiveness is tested and retested with storming and questioning and then you come to the place where you are both an individual and belong, that both can coexist dynamically. Even in Isabelle's own process of joining this group of neurodivergence, when she cried at the mailboxes with David, she is feeling this with the autistic side of her, and she's seeing it everywhere and she deeply wants to belong, and then she's questioning or noticing the differences, and then she's cozy in being different and yet belonging. David names how important self esteem is for us; and we can't really develop self esteem alone, it helps you to see others who get it and can resonate with you. Three most important factors: self esteem, ability to advocate for your needs, and metacognition (understand we do what we do). You shouldn't have to try so hard to ‘fit into' a culture, it should be more natural. Isabelle names how metacognition, or changing your operating instructions, gives you a chance to reframe your own history, your present and your plans, and your needs are different than what you realized. Referencing the NYT article about ADHD meds—if you have no concept of what medication is doing for you or connecting with your medication, it's like you're fueling yourself up with a really good fuel source and you have no direction to put it in. David wants a formalized response to the NYTimes article. A formal round table. The strengths of ADHD — see Dr. Holly White's work at the University of Michigan (Scientific American article)Divergent or lateral thinking - probably most commonly called "brainstorming," it's when you generate multiple ideas, applications, solutions, problems, and hop around instead of just focusing on one answer--see this interesting guide from the University of Texas at Austin that helps teachers learn how to ENCOURAGE divergent thinking in their students.  How divergent thinking is connected to creativity (study)As well as addressing self esteem and practicing self-advocacy, work with ADHD means developing:Metacognition — thinking about your thinking, or why you do what you do. It's like understanding you've been handled incorrect or inapplicable instructions. Knowing why you need an accommodation and why it helps. It involves an awareness as well as an ability to regulate/choose a strategy (eg. changing how you study for a particular test). (source: Wikipedia).------Cover Art by: Sol VázquezTechnical Support by: Bobby Richards------Cover Art by: Sol VázquezTechnical Support by: Bobby Richards------Cover Art by: Sol VázquezTechnical Support by: Bobby Richards------Cover Art by: Sol VázquezTechnical Support by: Bobby Richards------Cover Art by: Sol VázquezTechnical Support by: Bobby Richards------Cover Art by: Sol VázquezTechnical Support by: Bobby Richards

Isabelle and David talk 'stimming'-AKA "Self-stimulating behavior": what is this word, where does it come from, and what does it mean to 'stim'? Perhaps spoken of more in the autism community, stimming applies to ADHD also, and can connect to not just how we use sensory inputs as ballasts or balance systems, but also unique indicators of a ADHD culture of our own. David and Isabelle dig deep with some adorable sneezes, more on the ballast systems of ships, and the tail expressions of animals along the way.----David and Isabelle describe how cat and dog tails are completely different in indicating their state. David's cat was so still with just the tip of its tail bobbing back and forth, and David pointed out that that's how you can tell a cat is happy. Which is the exact opposite of how you can tell a dog is happy, with an exuberantly wagging tail. And maybe this relates a little bit to stimming, in that someone might interpret Isabelle's bouncing leg as an indication of one internal state, when actually she is stimming and feeling very calm as she does it. There could be two ADHD camps here: one for dogs, one for cats. Perhaps most ADHDers would align with dogs, as in we tend to vibrate when we're happy. David knows when he's still and quiet he is very alert and something's wrong. Isabelle's dog is currently whining at the door and she is like her dog in that she gives her all her needs and yet she has more needs? Isabelle is curious about internal stimming, like when she ruminates or revisits things in her head to self-stimulated. David talks about this as acting in or acting out, and maybe he's doing some action, or he's thinking or connecting with an internal world. Stimming is thought of as an action, that is repetitive or relieving in some way. Acting in and acting out was something David was naming 20 years ago, but now we use the term “stimming” — and it's doing something to keep your heart rate up. Isabelle did not see it used around ADHD but it does connect, but she sees it a lot around AuDHD — it comes from diagnostic origins, but the function of it is what David describes as exhaust. If his engine is running, there's going to be something going on somewhere. Slowly picking at a nail, feeling the tension of his pants, something to help him regulate his attention—like a ballast. This sends Isabelle off on a tangent about being a tween going to see “Titanic” because she was into boat architecture after seeing documentaries about the Titanic about the ships ballast getting flooded—the idea that you have these big walls that are designed to bring on some water  in order to balance the ship. Isabelle walks around with Trex arms, and it's like she is letting some of the world in and that helps her pick what's coming at her on a sensory level, because she can't really tune out the rest anyway, it's like taking in some stimulation to stay afloat. David describes how other ballasts could be biting down on leather when getting an amputation. If you give your body something to do it can distract it. While Isabelle isa bout to go on a tangent about pain theory, her dog needs to go outside, and so indeed, behavior is communication. Now David sneezes. And it's adorable. And he has to fight the reflex to not say “F you” back, because he has sneezed adorably for a long time now and his friend David C. Would always tease him and so he'd respond lovingly with an “F you!” And so he now needs to describe it all. David then segue ways to a definition of culture. Isabelle studied anthropology and archaeology in college, and remembers a professor saying that you know a culture exists when there is an in-group and an out-group and that culture is a set of adaptations to a human's environment. For example, chimpanzees, they stick a twig in a termite mound and then they eat the termites, and thinking about it archaeologically that a being used a thing to do something that nature did not use it for, so when archaeologists speak of a culture its around distinct patterns of how things were made and the area where people lived in. If we were archaeologists of the future, if we came back to earth, could we notice distinct enough artifacts that would indicate there is some difference in this group? Or we could think of it as a series of adaptations for the environments in which we find ourselves. Referencing the NYTimes article, the parts we can resonate with, ADHD is about so many more things than that. So dysregulating because it's 70% accurately, you just left out so many important details and experts and points—that thing that pains Isabelle is that this article is so long and takes so much energy to digest and is just an aspect of the book. David points out that it states that medicine has diminishing returns, because OF COURSE it doesn't mention that medication is intended to be used with therapy and of course the medication doesn't help you with the self esteem repair or accommodation strategies so in a vacuum you get diminishing returns. Isabelle is so on board and also frustrated that this is coming at a time when the world is extra scary and intense. David names that he thinks we would see signs of ADHD culture--organizing in piles, the sheer volume of fidget spinners, etc. Isabelle agrees, the material culture alone would create an interesting set of indicators that something different is happening in certain households that is unique and also in common with one another.Stimming (aka "Self-Stimulatory Behavior) -originally attributed to autism spectrum disorder (ASD), but also occurs in neurodivergent AND neurotypical or allistic (non-autistic) folks. It means repetitive physical movements, sounds, or actions that someone engages in (aka leg bouncing, finger tapping, hand flapping, twirling hair, humming, repeating words, staring, pacing, doodling, playing with fidgets, chewing gum, smelling or touching things..so many stims!).Useful for: so many things! For when your senses are overloaded or your understimulated, can help you focus and concentrate, can be a way to learn about or interact with your environment, or to cope with anxiety, stress, excitement, or big feels.Culture (Source: Oxford Language Dictionary): "the customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group." OR, "anthropologically, culture is defined as a complex, shared system of learned beliefs, values, behaviors, and symbols that allows a group of people to understand and interact with the world. It's a dynamic, evolving set of practices and ideas that shape a group's identity and way of life" (from sapiens.org)The notorious NY Times article ("Are we thinking about ADHD all wrong?" by Paul Tough) David and Isabelle are referencingChimpanzees eating termites like a lollipop (AKA chimps having a material culture)Ballast: YES these are compartments designed to be flooded and dispense with water to help balance a ships weight and regulate how buoyant it is in water (how it floats) (see Wikipedia definition of "Ballast Tank" for more) AND superintricate maps and explanations of the...

Discussion: Dr. Stephanie Holmes and Dr. Sean Hirt discuss their clinical training and how neither was trained in neurodiversity despite the update in thinking about the Autism Spectrum (DSM-IV Asperger's). Dr. Holmes and Dr. Hirt discuss that applying neurotypical marriage models to Neurodiverse couples is not only not helpful but potentially harmful. Dr. Hirt discusses the role of the central nervous system and its impact on regulation and how typical marriage work may disrupt both partners. Have you heard from your pastor or Christian counselor- Marriage is Marriage, or Marriage is supposed to be hard. Or you tell your counselor you are a neurodiverse couple, or you attend an intensive, and they tell you that your neurodiversity doesn't matter- their model will work if you have enough faith?Let's Discuss That! About Our Guest: Dr. Hirt has an array of clinical experience in a variety of settings, including private practice, residential treatment centers, non-public schools, and emergency shelters. He is particularly sought out for his expertise in treating and addressing anxiety, depression, poor self-esteem, behavioral issues, and autism spectrum disorder in children and adolescents. Other areas of focus include substance abuse, life-transition issues & trauma-related disorders.In therapy, Dr. Hirt uses empirically driven modalities to address the client's needs. He derives techniques from client-centered, cognitive-behavioral theory, attachment theory, as well as family systems. Dr. Hirt works closely with all clients to develop an integrative, yet client-centered approach to treatment. More specifically, Dr. Hirt works with individuals to assist in developing the abilities and resources needed to reach goals, overcome hardships, and improve life satisfaction. When not working, you will often find him at parks and trails with family and friends. Dr. Hirt enjoys hiking, biking, running, and rock climbing! He also enjoys watching sports and traveling. However, his favorite pastime of all is spending time with his wife, daughters, and dog (Frank).Looking for Assessment: https://www.hirtpsychology.com/sean-hirt

From relationships and loneliness, to indecision and burnout, Jemma Sbeg is your guide to navigating your 20s, and looking back on that decade with a new perspective.When Jemma Sbeg started recording a podcast in the back of her Subaru about her quarter life crisis, she had no idea just how many people she would reach.But other people her age were desperate for guidance through their 20s - a decade a lot of us romanticise before we get there, and after we leave.It's a decade of massive growth for humans, when we make big decisions about relationships, careers and our own identities, but Jemma felt like she had no idea HOW to make the right choices.She had studied psychology at university, and so looked to psychological research papers to help her and her friends navigate attraction, heartbreak, friendship, imposter syndrome, career anxiety, burn out, mental health and living a happy life.Jemma's biggest lesson is realising while time is finite, we do have so much of it to "figure it out", and chances are you'll still be working many things out in your 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s.Person in Progress: A Roadmap to the Psychology of Your 20s is published by Hachette Australia.Jemma's podcast is called The Psychology of your 20s.If you liked this episode of Conversations, you might also enjoy listening to Doctor Hilton Koppe on his experience of PTSD, journalist Ros Thomas on her research into loneliness or psychologist Dr Tracy Westerman on psychology in remote Australia.This episode of Conversations explores psychology, podcasts, research, books, writing, anxiety, TikTok, social media, ADHD, self-diagnosis, growing up, how to survive your 20s, stay at home dads, heartbreak, mortality, death anxiety, social anxiety, university, what to study, how to get over heartbreak, first loves, building a career in media.

Isabelle finishes sharing her neuropsych results, including recommendations for ADHD and autism (HINT: unmask! WHAT?) From the categorization of ADHD like a storm warning system (Mild/moderate/severe) to how job interviews might be the one place to mask (and how David does his interviews), David and Isabelle spelunk around how certain measures, like empathy, are not 'markers' of autism in the way we may think.  Share your favorite fidgets with us! Go to somethingshinypodcast.com/fidgetlove now!---Isabelle goes into greater detail about how her neuropsychological assessment was able to show her how she initiates and sustains auditory and visual attention and a little bit on processing speed. But to get more data, she'd need to undergo testing designed for people with traumatic brain injuries or strokes or dementia—what? It's a little strange to realize that the gold standard for learning more about brain functioning as a grown up with ADHD is the same that's used for brain injuries.  David points out that he uses the word neurodivergent intentionally, in order to point out that there is a diversity of brains, rather than a deficiency or something wrong with you. There are brains that work well in crisis and brains that work well when things are calm. Doesn't that make sense? Would we say that someone would be “severely apt” at handling chaos? Maybe, you just do what you're good at? Isabelle goes back to the scale of mild/moderate/severe ADHD—mild reads as boring, moderate—moderation SUCKS—all the words for the scale are poor. David names: if you can't use the words to apply to “happiness” —it's a bad scale for humans. Would you say you are ‘mildly or severely happy?” Probably not. So maybe we use different words for humans. People with ADHD are not storms and do not require storm warnings (last time we checked). As part of her neuropsychological evaluation, Isabelle got pages and pages of recommendations for next steps. She got a lot of great data, and also realized that one episode of Something Shiny provides more—so that was affirming and helpful in terms of the work the podcast and its community are doing. Her evaluator left off her autism recommendations, sending them along later, but said, essentially, the only recommendation is to unmask more. That “the only place masking is helpful is in job interviews.” Other than that it's harmful. It takes energy, it burns people out, it's hard. Isabelle then goes on to rant about how biased job interviews are, unless you're giving case examples—but then, David is also super good at job interviews. He checks—did you go to high school or college? Cool, you must be smart. Then, do you want to work with him? Check. Then, would he want to hang out with this person? Yup. And finally, a bunch of curveballs to see how people think on their feet. Because that helps you see how people think and how they communicate about their problem solving, which is good data. Then David names that there are questions he'd love to ask about people that he can't, beyond the protected class questions about age or location or self-identity—he wishes he could ask if someone is neurodivergent or if someone in their family is neurodivergent, that is an asset to David. He sees the ability to think outside the box in order to do what they do. But he knows he's not trusted, most hiring people are lying to you, employers are anxious, you're not going to like them. Every employer is terrified of rejection, it's so complicated. But he sees neurodiversity and awareness of that as a major plus—if somebody understands that and has self-esteem around it, knows what accommodations they need, they are curious about that. Isabelle has such a bias for self-insight—she wonders, how someone who was so socially off the rhythm of her peers, how was it that she had a lot of high measures for sensory things, but high measures on empathy? Which seems odd, because all of the autistic people Isabelle knows have off the charts empathy, which David concurs. Like the empathy for the crushed ant on the sidewalk. This is so true for Isabelle, she remembers crying for hours about a three-legged hamster she saw in a pet store named “Tiny Tim”—in retrospect, his paw was probably chewed off by his littermates or his mom because hamsters are ROUGH like that—but her mom told her he was okay because he was “fat”—to be fair, she was fatphobic and Polish immigrant mentality an maybe also autistic herself, but she was so distraught. She used to track one ant walking all the way to its hill to make sure it made it because she felt personally responsible for seeing that it was okay. She was so scared she'd look at it later and wonder if she wasn't autistic—but the stakes were so high, she was scared of not having the community she felt like she was on the cusp of having and understanding. As David puts it: "we will fight for worth and identity." Even more so, Isabelle learns that her own stereotype about autism meaning she is low empathy (even indicated on the 'measures' of autism on the assessments she took) is where she doesn't 'meet criteria' for autism, and how that would keep her up at night. Until her neuropsychiatrist pointed out: it has more to do with a snapshot of where you are and your accommodations. Of course someone who is in their 40's, has been high masking their whole life, and who special interests in humans AKA psychology would be high on empathy measures--she wasn't like this as a kid but it took decades for her to 'get it.' And what a revelation, that autism and empathy are not what we stereotypically assume they might be!Also, send us photos or links to your fave fidgets! We'll put 'em on our website and share the fidget love. DEFINITIONSNote: “Neuropsych” is shorthand for BOTH a neuropsychological assessment or a neuropsychologist (which is confusing).Neuropsychologist is "an expert in how brain injuries and conditions affect your behavior, mood and thinking skills. They perform neuropsychological evaluations to assess how your brain and mind are working and suggest treatment plans." (Source: Cleveland Clinic).A neuropsychological assessment is a series of interviews and tests (computer, written, drawing, solving puzzles, etc. no magnets, radiation, electrodes, or medical procedures involved) — the type of test is based on what is being explored. This battery (or collection) of tests, often done across multiple sessions, help a neuropsychologist determine a psychological diagnosis, treatment plan, and get a sense of how your brain works. Typically recommended by school systems/medical system to assess kids to help figure out what learning differences and accommodations may be helpful, but these assessments are not just for kids! Adults can use them to gain self-understanding, establish a baseline (if dementia or high-risk contact sports play is involved), or even figure out what parts of your brain have been injured or might be affected by brain surgery. Because kids grow and development so much, they are often redone every 2-4 years. Here's more on neuropsychological assessments from the Cleveland Clinic.Masking: when neurodivergent individuals pretend to be neurotypical, hide or minimize their stims, and even pretend they have the sam...