Keeping Records

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,May you never take one single breath for granted,God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance... I hope you dance... I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,Never settle for the path of least resistance,Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin',Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin',Don't let some Hell bent heart leave you bitter,When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance... I hope you dance.I hope you dance... I hope you dance. (Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,Tell me who wants to look back on their yearsAnd wonder where those years have gone.) I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. Dance... I hope you dance.I hope you dance... I hope you dance.I hope you dance... I hope you dance.(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,Tell me who wants to look back on their yearsAnd wonder where those years have gone.)" Anya's Picks The Library (Place) Napster (Technology) The Day on Twitter When Trump Got Covid (Shared Experience) Casey's Picks A Planet Hollywood Restaurant (Restaurant) The Irish Goodbye (Gesture) The Thing (1982 Film) Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

An episode full of shocking revelations. Someone in the room (EJ) has never been to TGI Friday's. Someone else in the room (Shelby) thinks Taylor Swift is a psychopath. And someone else in the room (our guest Sam Sanders [It's Been a Minute, Vibe Check, Into It]) didn't know that Jason Mraz says he's Mr. A to Z because Mr. A to Z spells... Mraz . Also we rarely get this topical/controversial but if you're looking for a primer on the entire DWD drama between Oliv*a and H*rry and J*son, we've got a literal NPR reporter (our guest Sam Sanders) to take you through it beat by beat.  At some point, artifacts were sent to the aliens.  Sam's Artifacts:  Continuum by John Mayer (Music) "Pop-Up Video" (Audio-Visual) Really Good California Edibles (Drug) Carly Rae Jepson (Person) Funyons (Food) Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper (Ephemera) Follow Sam on Twitter and Instagram. Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Shelby gets a little philosophical. Allison helps us get a little introspective. And EJ has chapped lips.  Allison Raskin (writer/director/comedian/YouTuber/podcaster/mental health advocate!!!) is here for some high brow, some low brow, some pure comedy gold. And the artifacts? Ohhhh these artifacts. You don't see artifacts like these every day. There's music and movies and food and warm feelings, which (we hope) are all the aliens' favorite things (fingers crossed). Also, our source at NASA has all but confirmed that this record manifested the Blink-182 reunion tour announced this week, so if you're 28-38 years old..... you're welcome, from all of us here at Keeping Records/NASA :-) Allison's Artifacts:  Get Over It (2001 Film) Blink-182's Enema of the State (1999 Music Album) Allison's Childhood Stuffed Animal BobFred (Ephemera) Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream in the Flavor Coffee Coffee BuzzBuzzBuzz! (Food) The Feeling Of Someone You Love Wrapping a Dry Towel Around You When You Get Out Of a Pool (Feeling) Follow Allison on Instagram and Twitter. Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Well looky who we have here: it's the literal titans of the heterosexual podcasting world, George Civeris and Sam Taggart (Straightiolab). To keep things super duper straight this episode, the gang discuss Reese Witherspoon, owls, Lady Gaga, taking a nice long walk in the fall, and then circling back to Reese Witherspoon again.  The aliens also get the BOGO deal of a lifetime with two sets of artifacts rocketing off into space:  George's Artifacts:  The Final Scene Of The Movie Wild (Film Scene) The Music Video For the Song "Why Go?" by Faithless ft. Estelle (Music Video) Using Leftover Pasta Sauce to Make Shakshuka For Lunch the Next Day (Food Hack) Sam's Artifacts: Lady Gaga Muppet Christmas Special (Audio-Visual) The Feeling When A Guy You Think Is Straight Turns Out To Be Bi (Feeling) Season 3 Episode 7 of HBO's Girls When They Go To The Beach House (TV Episode) Follow George on Instagram and Twitter, follow Sam on Instagram and Twitter, and follow Straightiolab on Instagram and Twitter! Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Things discussed: tortoises, sperm whales, elephant seals, octopi, persian cucumbers, regular cucumbers, gerkins, Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap.  Things not discussed: why EJ is training his cat, and what techniques he is using to achieve his goals.  And who better to discuss and not discuss these things with than professional discusser Paul F. Tompkins (Comedy Bang Bang!, Threedom, Mr. Show)??? Blessed to have him grace the Keeping Records studios with this hyper-specific list of space-bound mementos.  Paul's Artifacts:  The Sound Tortoises Make (Sound) A Beach Towel Being Laid Out at the Beach (Experience) The Sesame Street Alien Skit (Audio-visual) Church Giggles (Shared Experience) Follow Paul on Twitter and Instagram and buy tickets to his upcoming Varietopia show at the Elysian Theater! Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Anya (who writes these episode descriptions, hello) finally gets a long awaited and much deserved apology from Shelby, in absentia. I guess I had to fly across the country to give Shelby the distance she needed to make amends. I've forgiven and I've forgotten. While I was away, Shelby and EJ decided the podcast is perfect (true) and that the funniest person in the world is Jon Gabrus (also true). He stopped by to talk about how super awkward it is to have a sleepover at someone else's house at a young age and how super awkward it is to take a poop at the airport. If you're one of our listeners located in Long Island who just got podcasts within the last 10 years, we welcome you to the show. Gabrus's Artifacts:  Big Trouble in Little China (1986 Film) The Scene From Clueless Where Cher Comes Down The Stairs in a Calvin Klein Dress (1995 Film Scene/Gabrus's Sexual Awakening) Henry Cavill In A Bathroom in Mission: Impossible - Fallout (2018 Film Scene/Gabrus's Queer Sexual Awakening) The Unlicensed Ice Cream Salesmen on Long Island Beaches (People) Follow Gabrus on Twitter and Instagram and listen to him on his Headgum podcasts, High and Mighty & Corked!   Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You know what feels nice? When a guest takes this assignment seriously for once. Many thanks to Bridger Winegar (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Black Monday, I Said No Gifts!) for putting his personal and professional life on hold for a month to prep for this episode, curating and revising a list of artifacts, and agonizing over making a good alien-first-impression to answer what will undoubtedly be their first question: what is gay? Bridger's Artifacts:  Carol of the Bells (Audio) Wave Race 64 (Video Game) A photo of Bridger as a ballroom dancer (Visual) "Drop the Pilot" by Joan Armatrading (Audio)  Follow Bridger on Twitter and Instagram. Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode is for our sweet n earnest lil freaks ONLY. We mean it!!!! If you're not prepared to shed a tear as longtime podcaster/friend of the show/loving dad Chuck Bryant talks about his favorite episode of his kid's favorite TV show, you should probably turn back now!!!! (OK, now that it's just us sweethearts, we can tell you about the rest of the episode: Shelby comes up with a plan for getting lost in a crowd, EJ pulls out an obscure metaphor never uttered before by man or extra-terrestrial, and Chuck probably wonders why his illustrious podcast career brought him to this moment, watching two people do an improv scene with a bear for some reason.)  Jaws (1975 Film) The Sleepytime episode of Bluey (Children's TV episode) This Queen performance of "Somebody to Love" live in Montreal (Audio-visual) Musicless Music Videos on Youtube (Audio-visual) The guy that fell off his bike in college and acted like he was reading a book (Memory) I Think You Should Leave (TV show) Follow Chuck's podcasts on Twitter and Instagram. Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, welcome back. We have perhaps never meant it to more??? Keeping Records is all the way back, with the new EJ and the old Shelby and all that record-making you love or hate or agree with or disagree with or tolerate. And could we have asked for a better first guest back than comedian/writer/podcaster-to-the-stars Jamie Loftus? No we could not. Finally all together in the studio, the gang puzzled over some really important questions like: Should you get a pet snake? (No.) Should one have sex with their car? (Only if the car is cool/souped up.) Why is Australia scary but New Zealand not scary? (Unsure.) And other questions that are really worth considering!!! Jamie's Artifacts Jamie's mom's 30th birthday video (Audio-visual) Lemony Snickett Books (Book Series) The Jinx (2015 Documentary Series) The Volcano Couple (Historical Figures) Going to the bathroom right before or after doing something significant and looking in the mirror and being like remember this!!!! (Feeling) The Court Scene From I, Tonya (Film Scene) The Hot Dog episode of How It's Made (Audio-visual) Follow Jamie on Twitter and Instagram be sure to listen to Ghost Church wherever you get your podcasts! Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The moment you've all been waiting for... an episode long in the making.... the Keeping Records phone has been ringing off the hook.... audiences have been begging....... for Anya and Casey to step up to the mic. Also in this episode: all your favorite moments in Keeping Records history, according to you. Eat it up, lil freaks!!!!! And don't forget that we're BACK NEXT WEEK, August 26th, WITH A BRAND NEW EPISODE!!!!! Hallelujah.  Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

OK tiny freaks! This is our very last re-release before a very special episode next week (!) and an even more special (!!) episode the week after. So hang tight, stay tuned, don't touch that dial. We're almost back, baby.  Actor, producer, and writer E.R. Fightmaster takes great issue with the premise of Keeping Records. And the issue is that the show shouldn't be about educating the aliens on humanity—it's about making the aliens feel how we feel. And that means the aliens need to feel perplexed by CrossFit, electrified by Temptation Island, inspired by the WNBA, and...I actually am not sure what they'll think about the oyster thing. But they're gonna feel something. E.R.'s Artifacts CrossFit (human behavior) Temptation Island (audio-visual) The WNBA "Wubble" Season (audio-visual) Books about cities (literature) Oysters (food) A text that says “I'm running five behind” when you are really 20 behind (human behavior) Follow E.R. and watch them on Shrill! Also listen to their music released as Twin! Instagram Twitter Music Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Your burning questions????? Finally answered!!!! Smash that play button in to hear what we've been up to over at the KR HQ!!!! Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

All right, settle in lil freaks, we're wheeling in the AV cart for a very special session of Keeping Records. Yes, that's right, we're gonna dim the lights and sit quietly in our chairs while Caleb and Shelby tell us about some of the artifacts that NASA sent (without our input weirdly) on the original Voyager Golden Record. We'll learn about things that seem funny to us but normal to people in other parts of the world, we'll learn about fetuses and how that all works more or less, we'll learn that the Immaculate Conception was really the Original Cuckolding. All in all, we'll learn. Together. While we eagerly wait for new episodes to drop. Soon. We promise.  Be sure to watch the video version of the episode for a complete audio-visual experience and for two of the best wigs you'll ever see in your life.  The Artifacts:  Greeting: Cantonese Image: School Room Image: Fetus Diagram Image: Rush Hour Traffic Greeting: Portuguese Music: "Dark Was the Night," written and performed by Blind Willie Johnson Greeting: Nepali  Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Give us a minute, OK? Keeping Records is on a brief hiatus but you better believe it's coming back. Stay tuned for updates from their latest mission, dropping in your feeds soon. Comedian and podcaster Beth Stelling ordered some sandwiches...like...an hour ago. They're still not here yet but she's going to go ahead and get started telling Caleb and Shelby her plans for her Golden Record: people falling over and hurting themselves but like not reaaaally hurting themselves, her niece meeting a woodland creature, Ted Danson absolutely nailing it on—oh shit, someone's knocking, brb Beth's Artifacts Falling compilations (audio-visual) Niece meeting a bunny for the first time (audio-visual) Mr. Mayor (audio-visual) Photo of Beth and her mom in Hawaii after her mom retired from teaching (image) 6th grade home videos or her and her friends making music videos (audio-visual) Original Voyager Artifact Mountain Climber (Gaston Rébuffat)(image) Follow Beth and watch Girl Daddy on HBO Max. Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey it's Caleb and Shelbo! Back with the long-awaited Golden Record from our main girl! Shelbo takes a while to find her camera but when she does, she FINALLY sets the record straight (in a gay way): we're taking a brief chhhiatus (a Jewish break), but we will be back with new episodes in a few weeks. So don't you dare hit that unsubscribe button, because we've got so much more Keeping Recordings for you. More news coming in this feed next week. To tide you over 'til then, Shelbo's artifacts: When Two People Meet at a Revolving Door at the Same Time and Push it together (Collaboration) The Last 24 hrs at Summer Camp (Traumatic Childhood Event) Rats On the Street vs Rats People Keep as Pets (Comparison) Hanging Out with a Friend's Parent in Their Kitchen (Experience) A New Nicki Minaj Verse Specifically for the Aliens (Audio) Driving Around with your Friends Listening to Music w/ No Real Destination (Muli-Sensory Experience) When the Cleveland Caveliers Won NBA Championship in 2016 (Sports History Moment) The OC (2003-2007 Television Show) Survivor (2000-Present Day Television Show) Group Date to a Movie Theater at Age 12 (Tween Experience) Shel Silverstein (Poet/Author) Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Good morning America (or wherever you're listening from, hopefully from a different planet)! The long awaited Golden Record from our one and only Caleb Hearon is finally here. It's a bittersweet symphony as we go through a lot of feelings. Queue Vitamin C… and let us know… F/K Jason Segal and Vince Vaughn. Caleb's Artifacts The feeling of unrequited love, as expressed by "I Can Love You Better" by The Chicks (audio) They pushed me down and maced me Animaniacs (audio-visual) The blowjob scene with Brenda Song and Andrew Garfield in The Social Network" (audio-visual) The out-of-body feeling when you're having a special moment and you realize you will remember it forever (feeling) Lauryn Hill's album TheMiseducation of Lauryn Hill (audio) Every single John Goodman performance (audio-visual) The Break-Up starring Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn (2006 Film) "Money" by The Flying Lizards (audio) Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

They're back from their meeting with NASA; seems like things went well. Now, Caleb's in New York, and Shelby's in LA. But the Zoom that connects them through the cosmos? That's Mommy, and Mommy is home. They play F/M/K with the Supreme Court (answers open to interpretation) and then open up the submission line to solicit additions/deletions for the Golden Record, and as usual you lil freaks did not disappoint. Covering a real wide breadth of the most pressing issues of our time, we have the following: Your Record Additions: "Never Again" by Kelly Clarkson (Audio) Soft pretzels dipped in cheese (Food) Finding out a coworker hates the same coworker as you (Feeling) Your Record Deletions: Fluorescent Lighting (Light source) Rolling Coal (Activity) Anya Making the Temperature Too Hot in the Studio (Producer Oversight) Charmin Bears (Product Mascot) Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Well lil freaks, it finally happened. We got the call last week on the secure Headgum line (red phone) from Bill Nelson (head of NASA, reports to POTUS, first coined the phrase "Houston, we have a problem") and Caleb and Shelby are on their way to the John F. Kennedy Space Center for an important meeting and we are not cleared to give you any other info (strictly need-to-know basis at this time). Anyway, while that's all happening, we unearthed from the archives one of our all-time favorite episodes of the show, which we think in turn will one day be on the Golden Record itself. If this meeting goes well. Enjoy and see you next week. Comedian and writer Samantha Irby (Wow, No Thank You;Meaty; Shrill) creates a Golden Record full of artifacts that she hopes the aliens will find life-changing. She also expresses her thoughts on what she would do with Henry Cavill in inappropriate public settings. Sam's Artifacts Gone Girl, the book not the movie (literature) A live Tori Amos bootleg cassette (audio) Mission: Impossible - Fallout (audio-visual) Dlisted.com comment section from 2008 - (web archive) The burn of an excessively carbonated gas station fountain soda (multisensory experience) Original Voyager Artifact Navajo Night Chant (audio) "Do You Think...?" Listener Picks Lenny Kravitz accidental dick exposure (audio-visual)  Plain rice with butter (food) "Like a G6" by Far East Movement (audio) Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Shelby's back in studio (missed you, girl!); Caleb's finally on Raya (congrats, girl!); and EJ Marcus stops by the pod to kind of randomly make fun of producer Anya (who is actually writing this description but totally forgives you, girl!). After all, EJ is, by their own admission, Mean, Scary, Tall, and Intimidating.  Mean, Scary, Tall, and Intimidating EJ brought along a near-perfect Golden Record that is at once practical and... dare we say... provocative? Listen in for arguably the best hour-and-change of your day. EJ's Artifacts: Art With Cats On It (Visual) Shoe Racks (Object) Sunglasses (Object) Thelma & Louise (1991 Film) Follow EJ on Tiktok, Twitter, and Instagram. Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Gather in close, lil freaks - things get serious for a minute as Caleb and Shelby open up with you all about the family stuff they've had going on. Turns out, growing up sucks. But the intimate moments don't stop there: we also learn a lot about Caleb's balls, guest Carly Kane lets it slip that she's a die-hard Eminem stan, and Shelby reveals the instability of her wifi connection by leaving and re-entering the chat, repeatedly. Carly's Artifacts: When a Crush Puts Their Hand On Your Knee/Leg (Experience) Amy Winehouse Discography (Audio) All Types of Breads (Food) Smell of Gasoline (Smell) Random Public Dancing (Activity) Follow Carly on Instagram and Twitter.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We're back and we're hornery. We talk about marriage and mentally ill babies, Real Housewives and mentally ill Real Housewives, and the ways in which young Mormons are (or, apparently, are not) having sex. Comedian Camirin Farmer comes through with a list of artifacts that can only be described as iconic, and also ruthlessly drags actress Lea Michele but we're fine with that.  Plus, per every lil freak's request, Caleb and Shelby unearth their first ever video artifact, a public-broadcasting-esque examination of a photograph that's shooting around space at this very minute.  Camirin's Artifacts: Barbra Streisand (Celebrity) Bebe's Kids (1992 Film) An Oriole's baseball game that they win (Sporting event) The Cake (Audio-visual) The entirety of the Real Housewives franchise (Television series) Follow Camirin on Twitter and Instagram. Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The place: a grim, dimly-lit warehouse in Oakland. The year: 1999. Our hero, known to most simply as “DJ Moshe,” a prolific local techno disc jockey, prepares to square off against his enemy, DJ E. Moshe, in an underground battle for house-music-scene domination. How does this tale of high stakes adventure end? Does our hero prevail as the greatest selector the Bay Area has ever known? Or does he get into comedy, fall in love with Natasha Leggero, and together stop by the Headgum studios to send the best Earth has to offer into space? Don't want to spoil it but tune in to find out. Natasha + Moshe's Artifacts: Hot Springs (Natural Phenomenon) Camping (Experience) RVs (Vehicle) Follow Natasha on Twitter and Instagram, and follow Moshe on Twitter and Instagram. Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever really listened to the words of "Baby" by the young hitmaker Justin Bieber? No, like, really really listened? Comedian Kiry Shabazz walks Caleb and Shelby through a close reading of the lyrics, while sending to space other songs not yet included in the Great American Songbook because they are cowards. Taking the most strategic, tactical approach of any Keeping Records guest before him, Kiry's tightly curated but mostly music-based Golden Record is meant to make the aliens feel sexy, sad, and confused, which we think is kind of cool.  Kiry's Artifacts: "Confessions" by Usher (Audio) "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman (Audio) Mick Jagger + Tina Turner Performing "State of Shock" (Audio-visual) Follow Kiry on Twitter and Instagram.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Let's pick up where we left off, shall we? It's your favorite band MUNA back in the studio (that they never really left) to really get into their mostly gastronomy-related picks for the Golden Record. In between listing out their favorite burrito spots, Naomi, Jo, and Katie listen encouragingly as Caleb and Shelby try their hand at songwriting; Caleb and Shelby give notes as MUNA sharpens their improv chops. It's a beautiful, symbiotic collaboration; a peak behind the creative curtain for lil freaks' eyes + ears only. MUNA's Artifacts Pt 2: Eating the Butt of a Burrito and Watching TV, and Putting That Little Bit of Hot Sauce in the Different Bites (Experience) When You Mess Up a Word and it Sounds Funny (Gaffe) A Nice Dinner with Friends (Shared Meal) Bagel (Food) Follow MUNA on Twitter and Instagram, and pre-order their new album here.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

There's arguably too many people in the studio. They arguably all talk about too many things at once.  Fortunately, Jo, Naomi, and Kaiti (members of your new favorite band MUNA) took their mission very seriously, collaborating on a tightly edited Golden Record to send only the very best earth stuff to space. Unfortunately, they all spend too long making sex noises with their hands to get to most of them, so you'll have to tune into the next episode, too.  MUNA's Artifacts (to be continued): Spy (2015 Film) Follow MUNA on Twitter and Instagram, and pre-order their new album here.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is there any lil freak/Lord of the Ring fan crossover? We sure do hope so, because Caleb, Shelby, and musician Lou Roy kind of go off about Tolkien for a while this week.  They do manage to leave Middle Earth for a little while to talk about Hometown Buffet - which we tried to provide a URL link to but incredibly, does not have a website in this year of our lord 2022. So really if any humans or aliens want to learn about that place, they kind of have to listen to this ep??? Lou's Artifacts Debussy's Clair de Lune (Music) Hometown Buffet (Restaurant) Supreme Croissant (no meat) From Jack-in-the-Box (Food) Neopolitan Ice Cream Sandwich Lou's journal entry from 2001 (age 9) that details her best friend betraying her by going to Hometown Buffet with a friend from his school without her (Archival Material) Follow Lou on Twitter and Instagram, and listen to her debut album, PURE CHAOS, which drops today! Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Caleb and Shelby sit down for a little one-on-one in the studio to discuss the biggest names of our generation: Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, Reba McEntire, Shelley Duvall, and Heath Ledger.  They also carve out some time to hone their improv chops but somehow only get to two of your additions to the Golden Records. But as always, they're perfect, just like all of you lil freaks.  Your Record Additions: The Reba Theme Song (Audio) Pizza with Ranch (Food) Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The world's teeeeniest podcast hosts (Caleb and Shelby) invite on the tiiiiiniest guest (writer/performer/recent sister wife Lily Sullivan [The Righteous Gemstones, I Think You Should Leave, Comedy Bang Bang!]) to talk about about this parmesan cheese commercial for an hour. They are all so small and so brave. This episode also marks the development of a brand new spinoff podcast, hereafter referred to as a "side pod," wherein one of the hosts or even the guests themselves start their own separate conversation on a topic of their choosing, directly to camera. A real chaotic surround sound experience from the people that brought you the original chaotic stereo sound experience known as Keeping Records. Lily's Artifacts This Italian Commercial for Parmigiano Reggiano (Audio-visual) Huge Ice-filled Glasses of Water (Beverage) The Feeling of When Someone Tells You a Huge Piece of Gossip and You Know You're Gonna Talk About It Together For 5 Hours Straight (Experience) Bridget Jones's Diary (2001 Film) This TikTok of a baby waking up (Audio-visual) Follow Lily on Twitter and Instagram.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Caleb and Shelby invite comedian and writer Vinny Thomas into the gauntlet (our recording studio) to find out if he can survive an hour in the hottest room known to humankind (the Headgum AC was broken). See which of the following symptoms of heat stroke according to WebMD.com you can spot amongst the three of them throughout the duration of the episode:  Confusion, altered mental status, slurred speech Hot, dry skin or profuse sweating Very high body temperature Low-key delirium  Picking fights with animals for no reason Picking fights with your co-hosts/guests for no reason Vinny's Artifacts We Belong Together (Mimi's Late Night Valentine's Mix) (Audio) Fatal Attractions (2010-2013) (TV Show) What Would You Do with John Quiñones (TV Show) Seeing a parrot in LA (Birdwatching Experience) Follow Vinny on Twitter and Instagram.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Comedian/Tennessee native Laura Peek logs on with Caleb and Shelby to wade through the trials and tribulations of the best/worst four years of everyone's life: high school. Remember senior privileges? Remember absolutely roasting your teachers any time they even slightly misspoke? Remember how hot it was when 16-year-old boys chewed tobacco and had that little faded ring on the back pocket of their jeans? Yeah, no, definitely, us either, we also think that's gross........   Laura's Artifacts When you see a guy who looks like he would suck do something nice (Experience) Waking up and thinking “oh shit it's probably 7:30 am” but then looking at your phone and it's like 2 am (Sense of Relief) Chicken tenders and ranch from Nashville Shores Water Park (Food) The time I pooped HUGE in my pants in first grade and didn't realize it for a whole school day (Human Experience) When someone is laughing and they touch your arm to kinda brace themselves against the laugh (Gesture) Perfect cacio e pepe (Food) The Holiday (2006 Film) Hopping out of the pool at your friend's birthday party for a quick bite of Ruffles and onion dip in the year 2000 (Experience) One Camel cigarette (Vice) Follow Laura on Twitter and Instagram. Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

No amount of explicit content warning could possibly prepare you for what happened when writer/actress Tamara Yajia stopped by the Keeping Records studio as our first in-studio guest. Producers and Headgum staff still traumatized, need time to process. We ask that you respect our privacy and we have no further comment at this time.  Tam's Artifacts PEN15 episode, "Grammy" (2021 TV Episode) Smelling your tooth floss (Olfactory Sensation) Cheesecake Factory's Chicken Madeira (Food) A first class airplane ride (Experience) Follow Tam on Twitter and Instagram.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

An episode that will undoubtedly be used as a resource on LGBTQIA+ allyship and gay rights manual for the alien species forever into the future. Writer and world's biggest and last remaining Pinkberry customer Jill Gutowitz stops by to explain to us (and the aliens) that adjusting a lesbian's clothing is actually a homophobic slur, how to get a boyfriend through AIM as a young closeted resident of New Jersey, and that the looks exchanged by hot young cheerleaders in an early aughts cinematic masterpiece are actually peak gay. Jill's Artifacts AIM (Technology) Freaky Friday (2003 Film) The glances exchanged between Kirsten Dunst, Gabrielle Union, and Eliza Dushku in Bring It On (Cinematic Moment) Pinkberry (Food) A Taylor Swift Avatar On Twitter Telling You To Die (Experience) Follow Jill on Twitter and Instagram and buy her new book, Girls Can Kiss Now, out now from Simon & Schuster.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the pod, Caleb, Shelby, and Emmy-winning (!!!) writer/actress/comedian Ashley Nicole Black get into it. It = the best moments of the human experience, the things we should be most proud to show off to the aliens in space. It mostly = the 1997 ouevre My Best Friend's Wedding.   They also get into the use of stalls vs. urinals, how to actually give someone a compliment without telling on yourself, and an absolutely harrowing tale from Caleb's dating life. Let this be a reminder to do a thorough background check on all your dates, lil freaks!!!! Ashley's Artifacts Day Drinking Outside (Experience) When a Baby Uses You As a Couch (Behavior) My Best Friend's Wedding (1997 Film) Being a Drunk Girl in the Bathroom (Shared Feeling) Adopting Dogs (Activity) Follow Ashley on Twitter and Instagram.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Live (not really!) from the brand new Headgum Studios (yes really!) it's everybody's favorite comedy/friendship duo Caleb Hearon and Shelby Wolstein!!!! Our first in-studio episode has something for everyone: Caleb trying to cry on command and then blaming everyone else in the studio when he can't; Shelby revealing that God is her social media manager; the two of them reconciling after a near-show-ending fight about potato chip flavors; and Caleb's mom texting to ask a question that's been on all of our minds lately: "What is Netflix?" No answer is given. Of course, Caleb and Shelby also turned to you, their lil freaks, to see what you've been wanting to add/delete from the Golden Record these days: Your Record Additions Kwik Trip (Place) One Direction's Performance of "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia on X Factor at Simon Cowell's House (Audio-Visual) Dill Pickle Flavored Chips (Snack) Finding a Loaded Gift Card You Forgot You Had (Currency)   Your Deletions When Escalators Are Out of Order (Inconvenience) P.S. If you like it when Caleb and Shelby sing, this is the ep for you. Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if we sent the absolute most unhinged takes on present-day society to the aliens on a Golden Record? Would it confuse them? Maybe make us seem wild and ungovernable?  Or do they also think that only women and children should be allowed to wear flip flops and that all dogs should be kept outside?  Those are the questions we reckon with on this week's episode with "small ex-Hasidic queer Jewish stand-up comedian, writer, and true original," Robby Hoffman. A must-listen, especially if you're an alien that thinks you might want to make contact with the human race to your own detriment.  Robby's Artifacts Hallways and Rooms Hardware Stores Neapolitan Ice Cream $100 Bill Follow Robby on Instagram and Twitter.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Musician/producer Brian Robert Jones stops by the ~virtual~ Keeping Records studio to talk about what the kids mean when they say "throwing neck," TI-89 calculators, and his lifelong dream of performing live at KFC's Yum! Center in Louisville, KY. (Where, incidentally, Shelby thinks would be a cool place to lose your virginity.)  The best part of this perfect episode is that there was not a single technical difficulty or internet connection issue and we all love recording podcasts remotely for everyone's safety. It's the best! Brian's artifacts:  Absolutely killing It as a plus one to an event where you know very few if any people (Experience) *NSYNC - Discography (Audio) Nick Jonas performing Spaceman on SNL (Audio-Visual) Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (Movie) Eating a Gigantic Breakfast at a Nice Hotel (Experience) Follow Brian on Instagram, Twitter, and Spotify.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode is mostly Caleb and Shelby singing along to their favorite songs. But they are at some point joined by actress, filmmaker, and amateur pop culture oracle Sarah Ramos, who has a long list of her fave pieces of modern civilization to send out to space (notably Taylor Swift's entire discography, RuPaul's drag race, and weed edibles).  There's also a discussion of best practices for self-tapes, and how to avoid being embarrassed when someone walks in on you in the bathroom. Probably also useful for the aliens to know, we have to assume!!! Sarah's Artifacts Taylor Swift's Discography (Audio) Enlightened (TV show) Hustlers (2019 film) Mary-Kate and Ashley VHSes (Audio-Visuals) Weed edibles (Food) Social Media stan accounts (Phenomenon) RuPaul's Drag Race (TV show) Follow Sarah on Instagram and Twitter.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Caleb and Shelby are joined by writer Ruby Caster to discuss how Ruby and Shelby can't read (bummer!!) and whether or not table-side Caesar salad preparation is inherently gay. They briefly touch on Ruby's Golden Record picks (which is incidentally the point of this show): romaine lettuce + parmesan cheese, the best band to have ever existed, and Midol, which Ruby attests is a miracle drug. Spoiler: it seems it is not. Ruby's Artifacts Caesar Salad from Bernie's Restaurant in Williamsburg, BK (Food) All of ABBA's music (Audio)  Midol (Remedy) Follow Ruby on Instagram and Twitter.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Comedian Maggie Winters joins Caleb and Shelby for their second video episode, which devolves into chaos after a game of f*ck, marry, kill. Shelby leaves the zoom but eventually returns. Caleb's tennis leg cramps? Back for a special appearance. Also, everybody learns what paramour means.  Eventually they get to Maggie aka Marguerite's Golden Record, which is a blend of visuals and experiences the Aliens will love. On the topic of her Disney past, Caleb and Shelby ask the pointed but necessary question: is Maggie someone who calls Goofy a friend? And stick with us here: Goofy's paws are, more often than not, "up." Is Goofy...a lil freak? Maggie's Artifacts Deep Dish Pizza (Food) Schiller Visions: Hidden Camera Commercials Sketch with Chris Farley (Audio-visual) Her parents surprising her and her brothers with a trip to Disney World in 1992 (Feeling) Going to the movies alone and ordering a big popcorn, drink, and candy and also the movie is good (Multi-sensory Experience) All reality TV ever (Entertainment) When her mom found a fiddlers glove on the ground and used it to hold her wine on St. Patricks Day (Experience) Follow Maggie on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm Contributing music by John Bartmann https://johnbartmann.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Caleb and Shelby are back with their first video episode, which also just so happens to be a Listener Submission episode. Caleb questions the quality of his video, but decides he doesn't care because he looks great on camera. Meanwhile, Shelby's shadows? Sort of going wherever they want. Before diving into your picks, Caleb and Shelby analyze: Caleb's crazy week with the Pope in Tucson Girlies who can have free clout because they're *the* girlies 3rd string NFL tight ends they are both attracted to And Listeners...your submissions for this week are equally alarming and beautiful, welcome bark lil freaks: Your Record Additions "Thrussy" used in jest (Portmanteau) Earnest a cappella music (Audio) The Pope shaming people (Experience) Denver int. airport conspiracy theories (Chronicles) Yelp restaurant reviews (Literature) Getting surprise mail from a friend (Experience) "Uppercut" by Lou Roy (2022 Song) (Listen on Apple Music or Spotify)   Your Deletions “Thrussy” used sincerely (Portmanteau) Caleb being a bully to Shelby (Perception) Finding out via Instagram story that your crush is in a new relationship (Experience) Sleeping in AirPods and waking up with sore ears (Affliction) Baby memorabilia that weirdly sexualizes the kid (Trend)   Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Caleb is back from Missouri. Shelby is still in Ohio. There seems to be some question of whether Caleb is someone who enjoys biking but rest assured that he is into it. Comedian River Butcher is on the podcast today, and he's got the '90s on his mind. Well, the '90s and a song by Softee that absolutely GOES. River's Golden Record has the sound, look, and feel of a pre-2K world, because the aliens deserve it. And frankly? You do, too.  River's Artifacts "Cutout" by Softee (audio) The sound of a video cassette rewinder River's 90s Spotify playlist, "Morning Ride To The Elms In My Mom's Red Nissan." (audio) The feeling of going to the mall on a Saturday in 1995 (multisensory experience) 90s Taco Bell interiors (human design aesthetic) Follow River on Twitter and Instagram Get tickets to River's show at Sketchfest in San Francisco on January 14. Get tickets to River's shows at The Crocodile in Seattle Jan 21 and 22. Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.