Operation: Thriving Marriage

Episode 85: Building Emotional Intimacy   When people think about intimacy in marriage, the first thing that usually comes to mind is sex. For many couples, the idea of intimacy is wrapped up in romance, physical affection, or sexual connection. But in reality, true intimacy—especially emotional intimacy—goes much deeper than that.   In today's episode of Operation: Thriving Marriage, we're tackling one of the most misunderstood aspects of marriage: what intimacy really is, why it's so important, and how couples can begin building it intentionally.   We believe one of the biggest problems in marriages today—especially in our Western culture—is that we've lost sight of what intimacy truly means. We often equate it with romance or sex, thinking if the physical side of the relationship is okay, the rest will follow. But that's simply not true.   Romance and intimacy do form a powerful cycle—each can feed and support the other—but they are not the same thing. And when we make sex the goal of intimacy, we miss the depth of connection God designed marriage to have. In fact, misunderstanding intimacy often leads to disappointment, frustration, and emotional disconnection. Over time, that disconnection can become dangerous. It's no coincidence that infidelity and lack of intimacy consistently top the list of reasons for divorce in the U.S. Most affairs aren't just about sex—they're about a longing to feel deeply known and emotionally connected.   So what's the solution?   We believe it starts with redefining intimacy—not just by our own standards, but by God's. A quick survey of the dictionary offers some helpful words: close, private, personal, deep knowledge. Emotional intimacy in marriage is all of those things. It's about knowing your spouse and being known by them. It's about vulnerability, honesty, and trust.   In the Bible, the phrase used to describe Adam and Eve in the garden is simple but profound: “naked and not ashamed.” That's not just a reference to physical nakedness. It's about being fully open, fully exposed—emotionally and spiritually—with nothing to hide and no fear of rejection. That's the kind of intimacy God intends for marriage.   But here's the key: emotional intimacy doesn't happen by accident. It takes work. It takes intention. And it takes time.   In this episode, we share practical ways couples can build emotional intimacy, starting today:   Have conversations that go beyond logistics—not just about work, kids, or household responsibilities, but about each other. How are you really doing? What are you dreaming about? What's weighing on your heart? Talk about ideas, not just things. Discuss faith, purpose, fears, and goals. Real intimacy grows when you explore deeper waters together. Spend time together without distractions. Plan a date night. Take a walk. Or simply sit on the couch with no screens in front of you. Forgive each other quickly and completely. Nothing blocks intimacy like unresolved resentment. Have fun together. Laughter bonds hearts. Don't underestimate the power of shared joy. Practice non-sexual touch—a hand on the shoulder, a kiss on the forehead, a long hug. Yes, make time for sex, but remember that in Hebrew, the euphemism for sex is “to know.” That speaks volumes about the level of intimacy God designed for the sexual relationship in marriage.     At the heart of it all, God intends for marriage to be the closest human relationship we experience. Genesis 2 paints a beautiful picture of this connection: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, but they were not ashamed.”   Emotional intimacy is about creating that kind of space in your marriage—where you are both fully known, fully loved, and never ashamed.   So ask yourself today: What can I do to build deeper emotional intimacy in my marriage? Because thriving marriages aren't built on convenience or chemistry. They're built on intentional connection—day by day, choice by choice.

In Episode 84 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, Bryon and Jen Harvey dive into a trending concept from Gen Z culture: “Main Character Energy.” Bryon kicks off the conversation by sharing how he came across the term and what it means—seeing yourself as the central figure in every situation. Jen offers insight into how this mindset can subtly affect relationships, especially in the context of marriage. In marriage, “main character energy” often shows up as self-centered responses to your spouse's honest communication. For example, one spouse might express a want or need, only for the other spouse to spiral into self-doubt, guilt, or defensiveness. Instead of hearing the concern for what it is, the response becomes about personal failure—how they aren't measuring up. Bryon shares how he used to feel inadequate when Jen needed to talk to her friends, misinterpreting her need for community as a sign he wasn't enough. But the truth is: It's not always about you. Sometimes your spouse just needs to express themselves, and it's not a reflection on your performance as a husband or wife. Bryon and Jen discuss how even negative self-focus is still a form of pride—it centers the conversation on you, rather than your partner. Jen highlights Philippians 2:3 (NET): “Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself.” They also quote Rick Warren's famous line: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It's thinking about yourself less.” This mindset shift is essential for healthy, God-honoring communication. When your spouse shares a concern, the most loving response is to listen without reacting defensively. Practice active listening without trying to fix the problem right away. In many cases, your spouse may just need a listening ear. And when your spouse is asking for a change in attitude or action, view it as a gift—not a criticism. They're giving you a clear way to love them better. It's also important not to spiral into insecurity. Remind yourself: your spouse loves you, chose you, and continues to say yes to you daily. Trust that if they need something specific from you, they'll communicate it directly. And for the spouse who's expressing a concern—don't drop hints. Be clear and direct. Marriage isn't a guessing game; it's a safe, sacred space to speak openly and specifically. The episode wraps up with this truth: Main character energy destroys many relationships. Yes, you are vitally important to your spouse. But not everything is about you. When your spouse shares a concern, let it be their concern. Support them, listen, and trust that love grows when we stop making ourselves the center of every story. Operation: Thriving Marriage continues to help couples build stronger, Christ-centered relationships—together. Don't forget to subscribe and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it!

In Episode 84 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, Bryon and Jen Harvey dive into an important truth: there are no perfect marriages. While we often focus on communication and addressing issues, today's episode explores why unpacking every problem can sometimes do more harm than good in your relationship.   Many couples fall into the trap of thinking they need to discuss and fix every little irritation. But over-unpacking issues can create unnecessary friction, add pressure to be “perfect,” and even bury the good parts of your marriage under a mountain of complaints. Instead of helping, this approach often decreases authentic communication. Usually, one spouse brings up the majority of the concerns, while the other feels overwhelmed and eventually shuts down. Even if the conversation continues, real communication often stops. Over-processing can also turn into a subtle form of control—an attempt to mold your spouse into someone they aren't—and creates unrealistic expectations for what a marriage should look like.   Bryon and Jen are honest about how even Operation: Thriving Marriage might unintentionally contribute to this mindset by encouraging open conversations. While talking through important things is crucial, talking about everything will eventually mean fixing nothing.   The solution? Focus on connection over correction. Jen shares a personal story about talking to her friend Bev during a stressful time when Bryon wasn't meeting her expectations around housework while she was pregnant. That experience highlighted a key insight: the goal of marriage isn't to fix each other—it's to stay deeply connected.   When couples focus on building connection, they find their relationship becomes naturally stronger and healthier. In high-connection marriages, daily tasks like doing the dishes, feeding the cat, or walking the dog don't spark arguments. Instead, spouses step up to help without being asked, and responsibilities even out over time. One partner may handle more chores inside the home, while the other takes on more outside responsibilities—but there's a spirit of teamwork rather than scorekeeping.   Bryon and Jen encourage listeners to maximize small moments of connection throughout the day: holding hands, sharing a quick touch, doing chores side-by-side, or running errands together. Sometimes, the best way to “fix” a small annoyance is simply to take care of it yourself—whether that's wiping up toothpaste, putting away a glass, or hanging up the keys—without making it a battle.   Importantly, this doesn't mean ignoring major problems in your marriage. Serious issues should absolutely be addressed. But it does mean prioritizing wisely, and not allowing minor annoyances to grow into major conflicts simply because they were overthought or over-discussed.   Bryon and Jen close the episode with a powerful reminder from Scripture. Ephesians 4:1-3 (NET) says:   “I, therefore, the prisoner for the Lord, urge you to live worthily of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”   Although Paul originally wrote these words about relationships within the church, the principle is vital for marriage too. By approaching each other with humility, gentleness, patience, and love, couples can work together to maintain the unity and peace that God designed marriage to reflect.   If you've ever felt like you had to fix every small frustration to have a great marriage, this episode is for you. No Perfect Marriages offers practical, faith-based advice for focusing on what matters most—building a marriage filled with connection, grace, and peace.   Be sure to subscribe to Operation: Thriving Marriage for more real, encouraging conversations about how to build a marriage that not only survives, but thrives

In Episode 82 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, Bryon and Jen Harvey tackle a topic that hits close to home for nearly every couple: how mishandling money can sabotage your marriage. Bryon begins the conversation by asking Jen, “You deal with a lot of different family issues as a lawyer. What do you see as the biggest contributor to strife in marriage?” Drawing on both professional and personal experience, Jen explains that while financial stress is a common challenge, it's really about how couples connect—or fail to connect—through that stress. Money is emotionally charged. It touches everything: our goals, our upbringing, our values, and our sense of security. When couples don't know how to talk about money or approach it as a team, the consequences can be devastating.   Referencing a 2024 Fidelity study, Bryon and Jen note that 45% of couples argue about money at least occasionally, and 25% say money is the number one challenge in their marriage. Clearly, finances are a serious issue. But rather than focusing on surface-level fixes, this episode digs into the root causes of money-related tension in relationships and offers biblical, research-backed solutions for building financial unity in marriage.   One of the biggest takeaways from the episode is the importance of combining bank accounts. According to multiple studies, couples who combine their finances report higher levels of satisfaction in their marriage. It's not just about practicality—it's about unity. When you have a shared account, you're forced to communicate, collaborate, and create financial goals together, whether that's saving for a home, planning for retirement, or managing everyday expenses. On the flip side, keeping separate accounts can breed suspicion, secrecy, and division. Bryon sums it up with a powerful statement: “If you can share a bed, you can share a bank account.”   Another major factor that undermines financial harmony is what Bryon and Jen call “unexpectations”—the unspoken beliefs, habits, and assumptions we bring into marriage without ever realizing it. These come from our families of origin, our experiences before marriage, and even what we absorb from media, television shows, podcasts, and celebrity financial advisors. When couples don't talk about these expectations, they become invisible barriers that block trust and intimacy.   The episode also reminds listeners that expenses will inevitably increase over time. Whether it's the cost of raising children, adjusting to a higher standard of living, or dealing with inflation, planning ahead is essential. Couples who don't anticipate financial changes often find themselves overwhelmed and reactive, which only adds to the strain.   One of the more sensitive but critical points Bryon and Jen address is the role extended family can play in sabotaging financial unity. While it's perfectly okay to seek wise counsel from parents or friends, your financial decisions should be made by you and your spouse alone. It's crucial to establish boundaries, especially with in-laws, and to never share financial information with anyone your spouse isn't comfortable with. Financial privacy and unity go hand in hand.   As the conversation draws to a close, Bryon and Jen bring it back to a biblical perspective. Money is one of the greatest competitors for our loyalty to God. Jesus said, “You cannot serve both God and money” (Matthew 6:24), and Paul warned that “the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil” (1 Timothy 6:10). The goal of marriage isn't just happiness—it's holiness. God gives us marriage as a way to grow more like Christ, and learning to manage money together is a key part of that journey. When couples are faithful with the little they've been given, they position themselves to be entrusted with more—and to one day hear those words from Jesus: “Well done, good and faithful servant.”   Whether you're newly married or decades in, this episode offers valuable insight and practical steps for cultivating financial unity in your relationship. If you've ever argued about money, kept financial secrets, or felt misunderstood by your spouse about money matters, Episode 83 is a must-listen. Bryon and Jen combine biblical wisdom, real-life experience, and research-backed advice to help you avoid the common traps that sabotage marriages—and to build a thriving relationship grounded in trust, transparency, and shared purpose.   Subscribe to Operation: Thriving Marriage on your favorite podcast platform and share this episode with someone who could use a fresh perspective on faith and finances in marriage.

In this episode of Operation: Thriving Marriage, we're continuing our conversation on how couples sabotage communication in marriage. Last time, we talked about harboring resentment and bottling up emotions — if you haven't listened to that episode yet, we encourage you to go back and check it out. Today, we're diving into three more common ways communication breaks down between spouses: allowing arguments to grow, refusing to apologize, and reacting without thinking.   Arguments are actually a natural part of any healthy marriage. If you and your spouse never argue, something is off — either you're not communicating openly, one of you is avoiding sharing your thoughts and feelings, or one of you is shutting down the other. But while arguments are normal, how you handle them makes all the difference. One of the biggest ways couples sabotage communication is by letting arguments grow out of control. Instead of focusing on the issue at hand, couples often start bringing up past wrongs, a habit we call “keeping receipts.” Or they deflect by saying, “Oh yeah? Well, what about when you…?” which often comes up during fights about in-laws. Sometimes, couples engage in one-upmanship, trying to prove who's done worse. To keep arguments from growing, it's important to set ground rules when you're not arguing — like agreeing not to bring up old issues, finding ways to stay on track, and knowing when to take a break if things get too heated.   Another way communication breaks down is when one or both spouses withhold apologies. Saying “I'm sorry” is one of the most important things you can do in marriage — and it has to be sincere. That means leaving out the “but” that excuses your behavior. Some people refuse to apologize because they don't want to admit fault, see it as a sign of weakness, or want to maintain control. But withholding apologies creates emotional distance, removes safety from the relationship, and ultimately rejects your spouse. Nothing will kill communication and destroy a marriage faster than refusing to say, “I was wrong, and I'm sorry.” There's no secret tip to this one — you just have to do it.   The last communication saboteur we cover is reacting without thinking. Bryon shares that this is something he has struggled with personally, often wanting to act first and think later. While that may have been useful in the military, it's not a healthy way to treat your spouse. When you react without thinking — saying or doing things without consciously choosing them — you create an unsafe environment where your spouse feels like they have to walk on eggshells. Fixing this takes discipline, and honestly, you're the only one who can fix you. Prayer is crucial here, asking the Holy Spirit to help develop self-control. It also helps to invite your spouse into the process. Give them permission to gently call you out when you're reacting instead of responding thoughtfully, because you can't fix a problem you don't recognize in the moment.   Communication is essential to a thriving marriage, but we all sabotage it sometimes. Over these two episodes, we've talked about five of the biggest ways: harboring resentment, bottling up emotions, allowing arguments to grow, withholding apologies, and reacting without thinking. What are some other ways you've seen communication sabotaged in marriage? We'd love to hear from you at operationthrivingmarriage.com or on Facebook and Instagram. And if you found this episode helpful, please rate and review the podcast to help other couples find us and thrive in their marriages too.

In this episode of Operation: Thriving Marriage, we're diving into two of the biggest ways couples sabotage communication without even realizing it: harboring resentment and bottling up feelings. Communication is essential to solving any problem in marriage, and if you can't talk openly and honestly, you'll stay stuck. Resentment builds when expectations are unspoken, unmet, or unreasonable — what we call “Unexpectations.” Whether it's about chores, money, kids, or in-laws, resentment creates emotional walls and keeps you from having real conversations. The only way to deal with it is to face it head-on in a loving, calm way, and work together toward a solution.   We also talk about how bottling up feelings damages communication. Emotions—pleasant or unpleasant—are natural responses to life. But when you hide how you feel, you create distance from your spouse, and eventually, resentment. Instead, allow yourself to feel your emotions, examine where they're coming from, and share them with your spouse. When you promised to give yourself fully in marriage, that included your emotional self.   This is part one of a two-part series on ways we sabotage communication. Be sure to catch the next episode, where we'll talk about letting arguments grow, withholding apologies, and reacting without thinking. If this episode helped you, share it with a friend and leave us a review!

Episode 75: What Is Love? - Operation: Thriving Marriage Welcome back to Operation: Thriving Marriage! In today's episode, we dive into one of the most fundamental aspects of both faith and relationships: What Is Love? Episode Summary: Love is often misunderstood in our culture, reduced to just a fleeting emotion or romantic ideal. But Jesus commands us to love, which means love must be more than just a feeling—it's an attitude and an action as well. In this episode, we explore what the Bible teaches about love and how understanding love biblically can strengthen our marriages. Key Topics Discussed: •Love as the Foundation of Kingdom Living: From creation to redemption, everything God does is rooted in love. •Love in Culture vs. Love in Scripture: How modern music and entertainment often distort the true meaning of love. •The Command to Love: Jesus tells us to love one another (John 13:34-35) and love God and our neighbors (Mark 12:28-31). •Love as Emotion, Attitude, and Action: •Emotion: While emotions are natural responses, love isn't just about how we feel. •Attitude: Love is a choice. We control our attitudes and can choose to see the best in our spouse. •Action: True love requires action, even when it's inconvenient or sacrificial. •The Example of David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18 & 20): Jonathan's love for David was more than just a feeling—it was shown through trust, support, and sacrifice. •Practical Ways to Love in Marriage: •Choosing to believe the best in your spouse. •Showing love through acts of service and sacrifice. •Cultivating love over time through intentional attitudes and actions. Key Takeaways: 1.Love isn't just a feeling—it's a commitment. 2.We have control over our attitude toward our spouse. Choosing love daily leads to a stronger, thriving marriage. 3.Actions shape emotions. When we serve and love sacrificially, our feelings of love grow deeper over time. Join the Conversation: How do you intentionally choose love in your marriage? Let us know in the comments or on social media! Subscribe & Share: If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with others who want to build a thriving marriage. Follow Us: •Website: OperationThrivingMarriage.com •Facebook: Operation Thriving Marriage •Instagram: operationthrivingmarriage Let's build thriving marriages together—one loving choice at a time!

In this episode of Operation: Thriving Marriage, we dive into the idea that we often marry our unfinished business. Relationship patterns, childhood wounds, and unmet emotional needs can shape our marriages in ways we don't even realize. But the good news? With self-awareness and God's guidance, we can break free from unhealthy cycles and build stronger, healthier marriages.   Psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb once said, “We marry our unfinished business.” But what does that mean? Many of us didn't receive the love, support, or affirmation we needed growing up, so we subconsciously seek a spouse who will fill those emotional gaps. However, we are often drawn to what is familiar even if it's unhealthy. This means we may end up in relationships that mirror the same emotional voids we experienced as children. In these situations, spouses may try to change each other to get the love and validation they've always wanted. This cycle creates tension, unmet expectations, and a dysfunctional marriage dynamic.   God calls us to move forward, leaving behind the baggage that holds us back. As Paul says in Philippians 3:12-14 (NET):   Not that I have already attained this that is, I have not already been perfected but I strive to lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus also laid hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have attained this. Instead, I am single-minded: Forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead, with this goal in mind, I strive toward the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.   This principle applies to every aspect of life including marriage. If we want a thriving marriage, we must be willing to leave behind past wounds and step into the future God has for us.   The first step is to identify your own unfinished business. This is about you, not your spouse. What emotional wounds or patterns are you carrying into your marriage? Are you expecting your spouse to fill a void that only God can truly heal? Once you recognize these patterns, acknowledge how they affect your marriage. Be honest with yourself and your spouse about past hurts. Open up about what's going on inside, and listen to your spouse's observations without becoming defensive.   Deciding how to resolve your unfinished business is crucial. Who do you need to forgive? Are there past relationships  family, friends, or exes you need to make peace with? What toxic mindsets do you need to let go of? Do you need professional counseling or therapy to help process these issues? Taking steps to heal will not only strengthen you as an individual but will also transform your marriage.   Every marriage comes with baggage but that baggage doesn't have to define your relationship. God designed marriage as a place where we can heal, grow, and become more like Christ. By recognizing our unfinished business and committing to personal growth, we allow God to shape us into the spouses He created us to be.   Let's make 2025 the year of a thriving marriage—not by changing our spouse, but by allowing God to change us.   Don't miss this powerful conversation! Subscribe to Operation: Thriving Marriage on your favorite podcast platform and leave us a review. If this episode spoke to you, share it with a friend!   #MarriageGoals #ThrivingMarriage #NewYearNewMarriage #ChristianMarriage #RelationshipAdvice

Podcast Notes for Operation: Thriving Marriage Episode 78: Commitment is More Than Not Getting Divorced   Commitment in marriage is often misunderstood. Many couples believe it simply means not getting divorced, but staying married isn't enough to create a thriving relationship. True commitment requires more than avoiding separation—it's about intentionally nurturing your marriage every day. A thriving marriage requires constant care, attention, and prioritization. Without this, couples may find themselves in a relationship that feels like a burden rather than a joy.   When commitment is misunderstood, it often leads to dissatisfaction and unfulfilled expectations. Couples who don't prioritize their marriage may look for fulfillment outside the relationship, not necessarily through affairs but by escaping into work, hobbies, nonsexual relationships, or even vices like alcohol. While these escapes might seem harmless, they undermine the emotional and spiritual connection that a marriage needs to flourish. Over time, this shallow understanding of commitment leads to dissatisfaction, stunted spiritual growth, and a marriage that falls short of God's intended design.   True commitment in marriage goes beyond maintaining a legal relationship or living under the same roof. It means actively pursuing safety, intimacy, and growth within the relationship. The Bible provides the ultimate example of this type of commitment through God's relentless pursuit of us, even when we fall short. This is the model for marriage: a relentless, loving pursuit of your spouse. Commitment means doing your part regardless of your spouse's actions, prioritizing the relationship above everything else, even things that feel rewarding or important, like work, hobbies, or even church activities.   A mediocre marriage isn't God's plan for you. Instead, pursue a relationship that is joyful, fulfilling, and spiritually enriching. Don't settle for “meh,” and never give up on the commitment you've made, even if your spouse struggles. God's example reminds us of the power of perseverance and grace in relationships.   Commitment is not just about avoiding divorce—it's about loving, pursuing, and prioritizing your spouse daily. The Bible shows us that true commitment mirrors God's relentless love for us, emphasizing grace, sacrifice, and a deep connection. Let's reject the mindset of simply “staying together” and instead strive for a thriving, joy-filled marriage that reflects God's design.   If this episode inspired you, subscribe to Operation: Thriving Marriage and share it with someone who needs encouragement. Together, we can build marriages that honor God and bring joy to our lives.

Podcast Notes for Operation: Thriving Marriage Episode 76: Things That Hurt Men   Introduction In marriage, safety should be foundational—just as it is in the military. While service members are trained to recognize and defend against dangers, the same principle applies to relationships. Marriage should be the safest human connection, but achieving this requires understanding and addressing the risks that threaten that safety.   This episode focuses on the dangers men often face silently in marriage. We'll uncover some common insecurities and challenges that men rarely communicate about until it's too late.   Key Takeaways: •Marriage should be the safest human relationship you experience. •Understanding potential dangers to relational safety is vital for both partners. •Husbands and wives must work together to create an environment of openness and trust.   The Problem Men often struggle to communicate about relationships and emotions, leaving risks and insecurities unspoken. This lack of communication can prevent wives from understanding what needs to be defended against, leading to a sense of disconnection and a lack of safety in marriage.   The Solution In this episode, we'll explore: 1.Common struggles and insecurities that men face in marriage. 2.Practical ways to start conversations that build stronger connections. 3.Why wives shouldn't try to “diagnose” their husbands but instead create a safe space for dialogue.   Encouragement for Husbands: It's time to take a risk and be vulnerable. Ignoring these struggles won't make them disappear. Honest conversations with your wife will lead to the love and safety you both desire.   Encouragement for Wives: Your role is to listen without judgment or trying to fix things. Support your husband by creating an environment where he feels safe to open up.   Common Struggles for Men 1.Fear of Failure •Men are often taught that failure is unacceptable, tying their identity and worth to success. •This fear drives many men to become workaholics, sacrificing relationships and well-being. 2.Emotional Suppression •Men are conditioned not to express their emotions, leading to distance, anxiety, depression, and even health issues like high blood pressure. •While younger generations are improving in emotional openness, many men still struggle with vulnerability. 3.Trouble with Intimacy •Men often equate their worth in romance with sexual performance, creating pressure in the bedroom. •Women, on the other hand, typically require emotional connection for intimacy, which can be difficult when men struggle with vulnerability in other areas.   Overcoming These Struggles •For Husbands: •Take the risk to be honest with your wife about your fears and emotions. Vulnerability is key to a thriving marriage. •For Wives: •Accept your husband where he is. Be patient and supportive as he learns to open up. Listen with empathy, just as you would want him to listen to you.   Scriptural Insight: James 1:19 reminds us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” This wisdom is crucial for both husbands and wives as they navigate these challenges together.   Conclusion Marriage thrives when it becomes a safe haven for both partners. For men, opening up about fears and struggles is essential to building that safety. For wives, listening with love and without judgment fosters the trust needed for deep emotional connection.   Together, let's create marriages that reflect the safety, support, and love that God desires for us.   Subscribe to Operation: Thriving Marriage for more insights, and don't forget to share this episode with someone who could benefit from it. Let's thrive together!

Episode 75: New Love Languages  Welcome to Operation: Thriving Marriage! In this episode, we're diving into the concept of love languages—one of the most helpful tools for building strong, loving relationships. While Dr. Gary Chapman's original five love languages have impacted countless marriages, new research shows they might not cover everyone's unique ways of expressing and receiving love. We're exploring the two new love languages introduced by eHarmony—Shared Experiences and Emotional Security—and how they can deepen your connection with your spouse. Dr. Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages revolutionized how couples communicate love. His framework includes: 1.Words of Affirmation 2.Quality Time 3.Receiving Gifts 4.Acts of Service 5.Physical Touch   These categories have helped millions of people understand themselves and their partners better. But what happens if you don't fully resonate with any of these?   The Problem: A Missing Connection   Many couples feel frustrated when they can't identify with one of the five love languages. •Some struggle to communicate their love language to their spouse. •Others feel unsure how to express love because their spouse can't articulate what they need. •Love languages may even feel like a moving target over time.   So, what's the solution?   Expanding Love Languages: Two New Additions   eHarmony's research revealed that nearly half of respondents feel the five love languages aren't enough. They introduced two new categories to reflect modern relationships better:   1. Shared Experiences   •What It Means: Shared Experiences go beyond spending quality time. This love language is about creating adventures and memorable moments together. •Signs This Might Be Your Love Language: •You love planning trips, activities, or weekends with your spouse. •You seek out new experiences to share together. •Staying in for date night feels less fulfilling than going out for something exciting. •Your most cherished memories are the adventures you've had together. •You're drawn to adventurous, open-minded people.   2. Emotional Security   •What It Means: Emotional Security focuses on feeling safe, seen, and cared for in a relationship. •Signs This Might Be Your Love Language: •You enjoy deep, meaningful conversations. •You often ask questions to understand your spouse's emotions. •Friends turn to you because they feel emotionally safe. •You value vulnerability and feel connected when your partner shares their feelings.   What if You Can't Identify a Love Language?   It's okay if you don't fit neatly into one category! The key is to communicate openly about what makes you feel loved. Instead of focusing on labels, ask yourself: •When have I felt especially loved? •What was happening? Where were you, and who were you with? •What were others doing to make you feel loved?   Reflecting on these moments—even those involving family and friends—can help you better articulate your needs to your spouse.   Love Languages Can Change   Recent studies show that love languages aren't static: •26% of people have changed how they express love in the past year. •25% have changed how they prefer to receive love.   As life evolves, so do our needs. Regularly check in with your spouse to see how their love language might have shifted.   Conclusion: Love Beyond Labels   Love languages are tools, not rules. What matters most is understanding how to best communicate love in your marriage. God designed us to experience and express love—not just in our relationships with Him, but also in our earthly connections. In marriage, this love is most deeply realized.   Whether it's through shared experiences, emotional security, or another love language, spend your life discovering new ways to love your spouse more fully. After all, the greatest joy in marriage is striving to outdo each other in expressing love.   Thank you for tuning into Operation: Thriving Marriage! Don't forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review. Let's keep thriving together!

**Episode 74: Combining Accounts; Yes or No? | Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast** In this episode, Bryon and Jen explore a question often asked during premarital coaching and live events but rarely discussed openly in marriage circles: *Should we combine our bank accounts?* While questions about sex and parenting frequently arise, financial issues don't come up as often. Why is that? Bryon and Jen delve into why this topic is essential and how it can shape the future health of a marriage.   Couples, especially newlyweds, often struggle with the decision of whether or not to merge their finances. Here's a look at the range of perspectives that can make this choice challenging: - **Combine Everything:** Some people believe full financial unity is crucial and may feel guilt if they don't do so. - **Keep Finances Separate:** Others suggest keeping separate accounts, fearing conflict or financial incompatibility. - **Find a Middle Ground:** Many promote a “his, hers, and ours” approach, or suggest combining accounts with individual spending allowances. These diverse viewpoints reflect the broader reality that financial conflict is a significant cause of stress in marriages. Deciding how to approach finances can have lasting implications for a couple's relationship.   While the Bible doesn't explicitly address how married couples should manage their bank accounts, it provides guiding principles that speak to money management in marriage. 1. **Don't Let Money Become an Idol**      - *Matthew 6:24*: “No one can serve two masters…You cannot serve God and money.”    - This verse challenges us to examine our relationship with money. Does discussing finances create tension or anxiety? Are we willing to sacrifice harmony in our marriage for financial control? Keeping this in check can prevent money from becoming a divisive issue. 2. **Marriage Means Becoming One**      - *Genesis 2:24*: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”    - This principle suggests that joining finances can be a powerful act of unity. A 2023 study from the *Journal of Consumer Research* found that newlyweds who combined accounts reported improved relationship satisfaction, while those with separate accounts saw a decline. Combining finances helps couples feel more aligned in their goals and fosters mutual responsibility. **When Separate Accounts Might Make Sense**   While combining accounts is generally beneficial, there are situations where keeping finances separate may be wise:    - **Second Marriages & Estate Planning:** Jen discusses special considerations for blended families and inheritance planning.    - **Past Financial Abuse:** In cases where financial trauma is present, separate accounts can help couples avoid triggering past pain and foster security. One approach to avoid, however, is a strict 50-50 split of expenses and tasks. In marriage, scorekeeping can lead to resentment and undermine the partnership. This isn't a roommate arrangement—it's a unified journey. Financial disagreements are a frequent cause of tension in marriage, often due to differing views on account management. While there are times when separate accounts might be appropriate, research and experience indicate that couples who combine finances generally enjoy healthier marriages. By approaching finances as a team, couples can cultivate transparency, trust, and a stronger bond. --- Join Bryon and Jen in today's episode for an in-depth conversation on navigating finances in marriage, setting yourself up for long-term success, and fostering peace in every area of your relationship.

Episode 73: Being Your Spouse's Peace - Operation: Thriving Marriage Introduction We recently read an article titled, "Being a Man's Peace," but what does that really mean? Does peace depend on one spouse, or is it something deeper? We'll break down this idea and see how it aligns—or conflicts—with a biblical understanding of peace. What Does Peace Really Mean? In today's culture, peace is often misunderstood as the absence of conflict or simply making things calm. But in the Bible, peace—"shalom"—is much more than that. It represents wholeness, completeness, and a life rooted in Christ. It's about knowing who you are in Him and not constantly striving for more than God has given you. Jesus reminds us in John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives." This peace isn't something we create for each other. Rather, it comes from God. While you can't be your spouse's source of peace, you can create a relationship that fosters peace by being the safest person in their life—someone they can trust without fear or judgment. How to Create Safety in Your Marriage 1. **Communicate Deeply and Honestly:**     - Share your goals, dreams, fears, and insecurities with each other.    - Listen without judgment or interruption. Don't listen just to respond—listen to understand. Pay attention to what's being said, but also to tone, body language, and what might be left unsaid.    - This type of communication builds trust, allowing your spouse to feel safe and open with you. 2. **Give Each Other Space:**    - Even in the closest marriages, both spouses need space. Needing time alone doesn't mean your spouse is rejecting you; it's a necessary part of being human and experiencing shalom.    - Allow your spouse to pursue hobbies, interests, and time away from you. This space is crucial for personal growth and emotional well-being. 3. **Create Shared Experiences:**     - Balance the personal space with intentional time spent together. Build memories through vacations, date nights, and inside jokes.     - Every couple is different, so find the right blend of space and togetherness that works for you both. 4. **Focus on Your Own Shalom:**    - If you're stressed, restless, or disconnected from God, that inner turmoil will affect your marriage. Focus on maintaining your own peace through prayer, Scripture reading, and spiritual disciplines.    - A peaceful spirit within you will naturally contribute to a more peaceful, healthy marriage. Conclusion True peace in marriage comes from Jesus, not from each other. While you can't be your spouse's ultimate source of peace, you can create a relationship built on safety, trust, and spiritual growth. By focusing on honest communication, giving space when needed, and maintaining your own connection with God, you contribute to an environment where both of you can experience the peace of Christ. --- **Maximize peace in your marriage** by applying these principles. Subscribe to *Operation: Thriving Marriage* for more insights on building a Christ-centered relationship.

**Podcast Episode Notes for "Operation: Thriving Marriage"**   **Episode 72: Can I Still Be Friends With My Ex?** **Introduction**   - Is it possible or wise to stay friends with an ex? How do different people feel about maintaining such relationships, especially within the context of a marriage? In today's episode, we'll dive into these questions, explore the complexities of relationships with exes, and discuss how they can impact your marriage. **The Problem: Almost Everyone Has an Ex**   - Whether it's someone you dated before marriage or a former spouse after divorce, ex-partners often linger in the background.   - Feelings toward exes vary widely—from intense dislike to lingering affection.   - These relationships are inherently different from other friendships because they once involved romantic or sexual intimacy.   - This unique history with an ex can influence how your spouse perceives that relationship.   - If children are involved, the situation can become even more complicated, which we will address later. **The Solution: Can You Stay Friends With an Ex?**   - There is nothing in Scripture that forbids maintaining a friendship with an ex. The common Christian marriage vow to “forsake all others” refers to sexual exclusivity, not friendships. Hebrews 13:4 emphasizes the importance of maintaining sexual purity in marriage.   - While the Bible does not explicitly prohibit friendships with exes, maintaining a *close* relationship can be unwise for several reasons:     - It may make your spouse feel undervalued or less unique.     - Spending time with an ex could rekindle old feelings, leading to potential problems.     - Ask yourself: Why do you want to stay in touch? Are you looking for something from your ex that should come from your spouse? This is a crucial conversation to have with your partner if that's the case. **Co-Parenting With an Ex**   - Co-parenting presents a unique dynamic. Maintaining a healthy relationship with your ex is essential for your children's well-being.   - However, it's equally important for all parties—your spouse, children, and ex—to understand that your current spouse takes priority in your life.   - If you're a step-parent, supporting your spouse's healthy co-parenting relationship with their ex is crucial for the success of your blended family. **Conclusion**   - There's no biblical mandate to cut ties with an ex, but it's wise to carefully evaluate the nature of that relationship. Maintaining a strong, healthy marriage means putting your spouse second only to God. An ongoing close relationship with an ex could create unnecessary tensions or even harm your marriage, unless co-parenting requires continued interaction. Keywords: Friends with exes, marriage advice, Christian marriage, staying friends with an ex, co-parenting with ex, biblical view on ex-relationships, maintaining marriage, forsaking all others, step-parenting, marriage and exes.

**Introduction** Welcome to another episode of *Operation: Thriving Marriage*. Today, we're diving into one of the most challenging and divisive topics in Christian marriage—submission. Bryon and Jen explore why submission stirs such strong reactions and what it really means from a biblical perspective. **Why Submission is a Major Issue** Bryon asks Jen why she thinks submission is such a contentious topic in Christian marriages. Jen explains that there are two primary reasons for this: 1. **Historical Abuses Against Women**: The concept of submission is often rejected as outdated and harmful because of past abuses that have subjugated women.     2. **Misunderstanding of Biblical Submission**: Many people, including some pastors and church leaders, do not fully understand what biblical submission entails. This misunderstanding can lead to a variety of issues, including:    - **Unbiblical Restrictions on Women**: These restrictions can prevent women from fulfilling the roles and callings God has for them.    - **Misinterpretation of Scripture**: Misunderstandings can lead to incorrect interpretations and doctrines, which misrepresent Christ and hinder outreach efforts. **The Problems with Misunderstanding Submission** When people dismiss biblical submission as harmful, they often draw false conclusions about Jesus and Christianity, missing the beauty and truth of God's teachings. Misunderstanding biblical submission can result in: 1. **Unbiblical Restrictions**: Preventing women from achieving their full potential in Christ.     2. **Misinterpretations of Scripture**: Leading to flawed doctrines that can distort the gospel.     3. **False Representations of Christ**: Making it harder to attract others to God's kingdom. **Understanding Biblical Submission (Ephesians 5)** To clarify what biblical submission really means, Bryon and Jen turn to one of the most commonly discussed passages: Ephesians 5:15-28. They emphasize that: 1. **Continuity of Thought**: Many Bibles incorrectly separate verse 21 ("submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ") from verse 22 ("Wives, submit to your husbands"), but these verses are part of the same continuous thought. Verse 22 and beyond, often referred to as the household code, provide practical applications of the preceding teachings within the home. 2. **Submission vs. Subservience**: Submission is often overemphasized in verse 22, leading to misunderstandings. Paul's teachings in this passage do not suggest that women are inferior or that submission equates to subservience. Instead, biblical submission is about mutual respect and love, modeled after the relationship between Christ and the Church. 3. **Submission Does Not Define Roles**: Submission does not dictate that women must be homemakers or refrain from working outside the home. It is also not something that can be forced; Christ doesn't force the Church to submit, and the Church submits out of love, not fear. 4. **Headship as Responsibility, Not Privilege**: Headship is often misinterpreted as a position of privilege, but Paul presents it as a position of responsibility. Husbands are called to serve their families as Christ served the Church, even to the point of self-sacrifice. **Conclusion** In conclusion, Bryon and Jen encourage listeners not to look for a prescribed way to live out submission and headship in their marriage because the Bible doesn't offer a one-size-fits-all approach. Instead, they urge couples to seek understanding and guidance from Scripture and to work together to apply biblical teachings in their unique circumstances. When submission and headship are understood correctly, they become a way to glorify Christ rather than a burden to bear. If you have questions or need further guidance on this topic, we encourage you to seek godly counsel from your local church community. Remember, living out biblical principles in your marriage isn't about following cultural norms; it's about following Christ. Thank you for listening to *Operation: Thriving Marriage*. Don't forget to subscribe, share this episode, and leave us a review. See you next time!

**Episode 70: Sex After Kids** In this episode of *Operation: Thriving Marriage*, we tackle the challenge of keeping intimacy alive after having children. Sex is essential for a strong marriage, fostering connection, happiness, and intimacy. However, once kids enter the picture, maintaining a healthy sex life can feel nearly impossible. Privacy disappears, interruptions are constant, and bedtime routines become a battle. Yet, a thriving sex life is crucial for a thriving marriage, and we're here to help. Tune in as we share practical strategies to protect your intimacy. Learn how to plan sex dates, enforce bedtime rules, and prioritize your relationship, even in the midst of parenting. Don't let kids be the reason your connection suffers—discover how to keep the romance alive and ensure a strong, lasting marriage.

In this episode of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast we answer another listener question. In this episode Deanna asked how to deal with the dreaded roommate phase. She says she feels more a roommate than a wife. This is a difficult but common experience for couples especially after 3 - 5 years of marriage. It's uncomfortable in the moment, but as you build your communication skills you will find new ways to connect and build intimacy that will make your marriage stronger than it was before. This episode provides insight and advice on how to do exactly that.

In Episode 69 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, we focus on how friendships impact the financial health of a marriage. Jen shares personal stories about how her friends influence her relationship and finances, reflecting Jimmy Evans' insight from XO Marriage that our friends shape our future. We delve into Biblical teachings that highlight the importance of healthy, God-designed relationships, emphasizing that financial decisions are crucial within these dynamics. We address the challenge of friends who negatively affect our finances, especially in today's social media-driven world. Friends often showcase their extravagant lifestyles online, leading to feelings of inadequacy and financial strain. We discuss the pressure to match their spending on dinners, activities, and vacations, which can cause tension and stress in marriages. To navigate these challenges, we offer practical solutions. Your financial decisions as a couple should reflect your values, goals, and the example you wish to set. We emphasize the importance of contentment and aligning financial goals with Scripture. Learn to celebrate your friends' successes without falling into discontentment and make wise choices about the people who influence your financial habits. In conclusion, as Christians, we are called to be different through how we live and manage our finances. Let your financial decisions glorify God and reflect His kingdom. Tune in for insightful discussions on managing friendships and finances in your marriage. **Keywords: Financial Health in Marriage, Marriage and Finances, Social Media Influence, Biblical Financial Guidance, Christian Financial Management, Contentment in Marriage, Marriage Advice Podcast**

In this enlightening episode of the Operation: Thriving Marriage podcast, we turn the spotlight on our first guests - our kids! Join us as we dive into the world of marriage from a child's perspective, exploring their candid thoughts, heartfelt observations, and innocent wisdom about what it takes to build a thriving marriage.  Our kids share their views on love, partnership, and what they've learned from watching us navigate the ups and downs of married life. This heartwarming and insightful episode offers a refreshing look at marriage through the eyes of the next generation. Whether you're a

In this episode of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast, we answer a listener question. Megen asked “How to spice things up in marriage without cheating.” Marriages all go through phase in sex and intimacy. There are times when sex is less frequent than one or both of you desire. There are also times when the sex is not as fulfilling as one or both of you would like it to be. These are normal struggles in marriage. Cheating will not solve those problems. Cheating can only lead to hurt and pain in a marriage. In this episode we talk about different ways to spice up the sex in your marriage. One of the most important things is to discuss sex together and communicate what you want and need. Other ideas include ways of being more sexy towards each other and planning a sex date. Please keep the questions coming. We love to hear from you. You can contact us at OperationThrivingMarriage.com. We hope you enjoy this episode and come up with new ways to spice things up in your own marriage.

Welcome to Operation: Thriving Marriage. In today's episode, we address a common marital issue—anger. Often, we blame our spouse for making us angry, creating a cycle of blame and frustration. But here's the truth: it's not our spouse who controls our emotions; it's us. We dive into how to break this harmful cycle by taking responsibility for our feelings. Understand that your emotions are shaped by your personality, genetics, and past experiences, not by your spouse's actions. Recognize that incidents, not people, incite anger. Learn practical steps to manage your anger: pause, pray, or take a walk to calm down. Communicate with your spouse without blaming them. Instead of saying, "You make me angry," say, "When this happens, I feel..." Join us as we explore these insights and offer tools to transform how you handle anger, fostering a loving and peaceful marriage. Tune in to Operation: Thriving Marriage and start building a stronger relationship today!

Welcome to Episode 64 of Operation: Thriving Marriage! In this episode, we delve into the topic of Trad Wives, exploring what it means to be a Trad Wife, its roots in nostalgia versus scripture, and its impact on modern marriages. Hosts Bryon and Jen kick off the discussion by questioning the allure of the Trad Wife movement and its representation in today's culture. They dissect the aesthetic versus the practical actions associated with being a Trad Wife, highlighting the unrealistic expectations it can create, especially for young couples. The episode tackles the roots of the Trad Wife movement, emphasizing its foundation in 1950s marketing rather than biblical truths. It sheds light on how this movement, while not inherently wrong, can lead to shame and dysfunction, particularly for those unable to meet its standards. Listeners are encouraged to critically evaluate trends that claim to represent biblical truths about marriage. The hosts stress the importance of consulting qualified sources like pastors and theologians rather than relying solely on social media influencers. The discussion also delves into biblical perspectives on beauty, submission, and marital roles, providing a balanced view that encourages godly character and mutual respect within marriages. In conclusion, Operation: Thriving Marriage emphasizes the need to align marital practices with biblical principles rather than cultural trends. The episode serves as a guide for couples navigating the complexities of marriage, urging them to seek wisdom from trusted sources and to prioritize their relationship with Christ above all else. Tune in to gain valuable insights into building a thriving marriage rooted in biblical truth!

Welcome to Episode 60 of Operation: Thriving Marriage! In this episode, we delve into the delicate balance between criticism and growth within marriage. We explore the concept that holiness, not just happiness, is a key goal. First, we address the challenge posed by criticism, often a significant source of conflict in marriages. How can we navigate critiquing our spouse without causing harm?Our solution? Presume goodwill. Regular listeners know this mantra well. Coupled with humility, we delve into Proverbs 16:18, emphasizing the importance of humility in both listening and speaking. Understanding context and maintaining a loving relationship foundation are also crucial elements discussed.Join us as we unpack these essential principles that not only foster growth in holiness but also strengthen the fabric of our marriages. Remember, marriage isn't just about happiness; it's about fulfilling God's vocation for us and aiding each other in becoming more Christ-like. Tune in for practical insights on thriving in both holiness and marital harmony.

Welcome to Operation: Thriving Marriage, where we dive deep into the intricacies of relationships and provide actionable insights to help your marriage flourish. In this episode, we explore the concept of "Relationship Jet Lag."Host Bryon kicks off the conversation with his recent frequent travels, highlighting the stark differences in how couples experience reconnection after a period of separation. Whether it's days, weeks, or even hours apart, many couples face challenges in reconnecting due to what we term "Relationship Jet Lag."This phenomenon of "jet lag" in relationships manifests as a mental disconnection despite physical presence, often caused by unmet expectations or unanticipated circumstances. It can lead to dissatisfaction, isolation, reduced communication, hurt, and anger.Navigating this "jet lag" requires acknowledgment and open communication. Couples must share their feelings and experiences, addressing unmet expectations and making joint plans to overcome them. Listening actively and giving each other space and understanding are crucial steps in bridging the gap.We delve into practical strategies, emphasizing honesty about emotional "timezones," patience during transitions, and making the most of shared moments. Additionally, we reference biblical wisdom on forgiveness and understanding, reinforcing the importance of empathy and kindness in building a resilient connection.Join us on Operation: Thriving Marriage as we equip you with tools to conquer "Relationship Jet Lag" and strengthen your marital bond. Stay tuned for future episodes focused on enriching your relationship journey. https://medium.com/@jfhct70/5-ways-to-overcome-relationship-jet-lag-b0e65540d31e

Discover why compromise isn't always the answer in marriage, as we delve into the pitfalls of elevating compromise too high in marital discussions. Join us as we explore real-life examples, biblical perspectives, and practical solutions for resolving conflicts when compromise is not an option. Learn how to identify underlying values, seek guidance, and make decisions that strengthen your marriage without sacrificing your core beliefs. Don't miss this insightful episode on navigating marital conflicts with wisdom and grace.

Episode 62 of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast – exploring the dynamics of Healthy Competition in relationships. Discover the underlying problem as we explore how competition can lead to conflict in marriages. We discuss how competitive individuals often attach personal value to winning, revealing insecurities that breed negative feelings. Our suggested solution emphasizes that avoiding competition altogether doesn't foster a thriving marriage. Instead, learn to compete in healthy ways by letting go of your ego, celebrating your spouse's victories, and being gracious when you win. We provide insights on what's fair game in healthy competition - from the gym to games - and what's off-limits, like competing for children's affection. It's crucial to prioritize your relationship over the competition. In the conclusion, we affirm that healthy competition is a positive force that pushes us to be better. Competing with your spouse over the right things can bring joy to your marriage and help you achieve and exceed your goals. Remember, never use competition to belittle your spouse, and always let go of your ego, celebrate wins together, and be gracious in victory. Tune in to Operation: Thriving Marriage for valuable insights on fostering a healthy, competitive spark in your relationship.

Welcome to Episode 59 of the Operation: Thriving Marriage podcast - "Chemistry Isn't Real." No, we're not diving into conspiracy theories, but rather debunking the myth of instant chemistry in relationships. In this episode, we explore how our notions of love have been shaped by fairy tales and romantic comedies, highlighting that love at first sight is merely lust. Thriving marriages aren't built on fleeting emotions or meet-cutes; chasing chemistry leads to short-term relationships and emotional struggles. Compatibility, not chemistry, should be your focus. Compatibility is something you build not something that magically happens or a trait that exists when you meet. Compatibility involves shared values, mutual growth, and a symbiotic relationship that evolves over time through intentional efforts. Learn how to build compatibility by prioritizing your spouse's needs, recognizing it as a gradual process, and reflecting on the positive changes in your relationship. Passion has its place, but it doesn't replace compatibility. To dating couples: Take time to build compatibility with someone you envision a future with. Ask crucial questions about liking who you are becoming together and mutual sacrifice. In conclusion, this episode reaffirms that compatibility, not chemistry, forms the bedrock of a thriving marriage. It's a journey built over time, focusing on each other's needs, and envisioning a future that surpasses the present. Tune in for practical insights on fostering lasting love.

Welcome to Episode 58 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, challenging the negativity surrounding marriages. In this episode, we delve into the abundance of negative articles on marriage, discussing what not to do and how to make things better. Break free from the cycle of negativity. Thriving marriages highlight the positive aspects, such as building and reliving memories together, celebrating wins, unforgettable dates, and embracing silliness without self-consciousness. Research consistently shows that married couples enjoy more and better sex, reinforcing the idea that marriage is a source of joy and connection. Remember, marriage is fun! Take a moment today to relish in the joy of your relationship.

Welcome to Episode 57 of Operation: Thriving Marriage! In this episode, we explore the crucial distinction between intimacy and sex within a marriage. Join us as we delve into the challenges faced by couples who share deep connections but find passion missing in their relationship. Discover the biblical perspective on the importance of sexual expression in marriage and explore practical solutions to enhance your intimacy. From playful communication to building anticipation, we unveil strategies to reignite the spark. Listen for insights on fostering a healthy balance between closeness and passion in your marriage. Don't miss out on the keys to a thriving and passionate relationship!

Welcome to Episode 56 of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast - "Listening During Tough Conversations." Join us as we explore the intricate dance of communication in marriage, focusing on the challenging yet crucial skill of effective listening. In our discussion, we address the common notion that listening is often more challenging than expressing oneself. We delve into the complexities, particularly when your spouse communicates negative experiences within the relationship, emphasizing the significant impact these conversations can have on your marriage. Discover the solution to navigating these tough conversations as we guide you toward growing closer with your spouse. Uncover the importance of understanding their perspective, embracing humility, and taking responsibility for managing your emotions. Learn practical techniques to overcome defensiveness, acknowledging and processing emotions, and staying present during difficult discussions. As we wrap up, we emphasize the essential role of listening in building a thriving marriage. Episode 56 unravels the intricacies of handling tough conversations, showcasing how managing emotions and fostering closeness can pave the way for a healthy, lasting marriage. Tune in and equip yourself with the tools to navigate challenges, building a foundation that stands the test of time.

Welcome to Episode 55 of Operation Thriving Marriage! In this episode, we delve into the transformative power of validation in building a thriving marriage. From the importance of validating our spouses in various aspects of life to recognizing and overcoming the pitfalls of invalidation, we explore how positive reinforcement fosters oneness and spurs personal growth. Discover key habits that validate, such as expressing gratitude and avoiding subtle invalidations. Join us as we navigate the intricacies of presuming goodwill, fostering closeness, and making validation a cornerstone for a flourishing marriage. Tune in for practical insights and strategies to maximize the potential of validation in your relationship. Remember, validation is the key to unlocking a thriving marriage! #Validation #ThrivingMarriage #Relationships

Welcome to Episode 54 of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast. In this episode, Bryon and Jen delve into the heart of Christian prayer challenges. Many Christians grapple with guilt surrounding their prayer life, openly admitting to falling short. Bryon and Jen tackle this issue, emphasizing the transformative nature of prayer that extends beyond mere conversation with God. Highlighting Jen's and Bryon's unique approaches—the episode provides a comprehensive exploration. Listeners are invited to explore varied methods, such as the structured Anglican Morning Prayer and the intimacy of family prayer. We hope you will initiate and sustain prayer routines without succumbing to guilt. Emphasizing God's faithfulness is unwavering. Join us for Episode 54—an insightful guide to overcoming prayer challenges and embarking on a journey of spiritual transformation.

This is our 2 year anniversary episode! In this episode Bryon and Jennifer take listener questions. When is it ok to seek advice outside of the marriage? How do you raise kids when you have different backgrounds, opinions, and traditions? What is the best way to build trust after repeated infidelity? We seem to hear about husbands wanting sex more often, how do you navigate when the wife seems to need it more? What to do if our love languages collide with each other?

Welcome to Episode 52 of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast, "Happy!" While we often say marriage isn't about happiness, we delve into why it's crucial to prioritize happiness correctly. Unhappiness can lead to dissatisfaction, conflicts, and decreased problem-solving abilities in a marriage. We discuss the problem of declining happiness in the US and worldwide, emphasizing the importance of happiness for making better decisions, resilience, health, and more. Our solution focuses on improving your happiness by taking responsibility for it. We introduce the CPR method – Connection, Positivity, and Resilience. We stress the role of human connections, positivity in savoring enjoyable experiences, and self-care for resilience. In the end, we reiterate that marriage is about holiness, but happiness matters too. You are responsible for your happiness, and by focusing on CPR, you can improve it. For more information, check out the articles linked below. Tune in to learn how to lead a happier and more fulfilling life in your marriage and beyond. How to Live a Happier Mor Fulfilling Life interview with Dr. Emiliana Simon-Thomas https://www.fatherly.com/life/how-to-live-a-happier-more-fulfilling-life?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=fatherly&utm_campaign=ab4d601b6a&via_email=bryon.d.harvey@gmail.com How Happy Marriages Stay Happy by Virginia Pelley https://www.fatherly.com/life/signs-of-happy-marriage-that-lasts?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=fatherly&utm_campaign=ab4d601b6a&via_email=bryon.d.harvey@gmail.com  

In episode 51 of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast, Bryon and Jennifer shares thoughts on the tricky subject of prenuptial agreements. Prenuptial agreements have gotten a very bad wrap in the evangelical church. It's often said that couples should not get them because they should not be planning for their divorce.  Marriage is sacred to be entered into with the commitment that you will stay together for your entire lifetime. Divorce is not God's plan for marriage. Prenuptial agreements are not just about divorce. As a lawyer Jen has advised clients to get prenuptial agreements for various reasons most often related to business succession planning and estate planning. In this episode Bryon and Jen cover those issues and what sort of protections were in place for women in the Bible as well. We hope you enjoy this episode.

In this milestone 50th episode, airing on October 9, 2023, of "Communication Breakdowns," we dive deep into the critical topic of communication breakdowns within marriages. Host Jen starts by sharing a personal example of a case where communication faltered, highlighting the importance of effective communication in relationships. Discover the root causes of communication breakdowns in marriages, with a focus on resentment. Explore the emotions of resenting your spouse or feeling resented by them and uncover practical solutions for addressing these issues head-on. Learn how to deal with feelings of resentment, even when they stem from seemingly trivial reasons, and understand the role of negative thought patterns. The episode also sheds light on how unresolved conflicts can snowball into more significant problems, emphasizing the importance of addressing issues early, honestly, and thoroughly. Bryon and Jen touch on the common issue of arguments expanding to unrelated matters and provide insights into their underlying causes. Additionally, you'll delve into the essential link between communication and intimacy in a marriage. Discover how a lack of communication can impact intimacy and vice versa. Learn the art of active listening, focusing on the emotions behind the words, and how to communicate on a deeper level by discussing dreams, hopes, feelings, and desires with your partner. In conclusion, this episode underscores the paramount role of communication in building a thriving marriage. It reminds listeners that negative forces may try to drive a wedge between partners, but the effort to nurture a strong and healthy marriage is undoubtedly worth it. Explore strategies to address resentment, resolve conflicts promptly, and connect deeply with your spouse to create a marriage that stands the test of time.

  Welcome to the Operation: Thriving Marriage podcast. In this episode we dive deep into the importance of maintaining balanced and healthy friendships within your marriage. In today's fast-paced world, many of us fall into the trap of believing that our spouse should fulfill all our friendship needs. But is that realistic? This podcast explores the problem with this unrealistic expectation, how it can put excessive pressure on your spouse, and even separate you from your broader community. Join us as we discuss the biblical perspective on friendships, drawing inspiration from the profound relationships of David and Jonathan, Jesus and His disciples, God and His people, and many more. Discover how these timeless examples reveal that friendship is a core value and a vital component of a thriving marriage. We'll uncover the benefits of fostering friendships within your marriage, such as staying connected to your community, having models of healthy relationships, receiving wise counsel, and enjoying activities that your spouse may not share the same interest in. These friendships also contribute to maintaining your individual identity within your marriage, which is essential for both partners. But what about situations when friendships become threatening? We'll provide practical guidance on prioritizing your spouse, setting boundaries with friends of the opposite sex, and ensuring that your marriage remains the top priority. The evil one can use friendships to harm your marriage if you're not vigilant. In conclusion, we challenge the misconception that spouses should meet all each other's relational needs. Embracing the biblical perspective, we believe in the significance of being in a community of believers, sharing the Gospel with those outside the church, and experiencing the fullness of life God intends for you. While friendships are vital, we emphasize that they should never jeopardize your marriage. Your marriage can and should be the most important friendship you have.

In this episode of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast, we dive deep into the essential element of any thriving relationship - mutual respect. We'll start by asking a fundamental question: Who do you respect, and why? Join us as we explore how respect plays a pivotal role in maintaining strong and healthy connections. When we talk to couples in crisis, a recurring theme emerges - the erosion of mutual respect. Love may still linger, but the loss of respect can have devastating consequences. We acknowledge the stereotypes that suggest women need love while men need respect, but in reality, both genders crave both. Respect is the foundation on which love can flourish. Failure to communicate respect conveys a lack of value and equality in a relationship. Each spouse brings unique qualities and roles to a marriage, but they are equal partners. When respect dwindles, resentment takes root, leading to a gradual distancing between partners and strife in all aspects of the marriage. To rebuild and maintain mutual respect, we must first recognize that our spouse deserves our respect as a person of infinite worth. They've committed to us and our marriage to represent something greater together. Beyond this, we must respect our spouse for who they are, not just what they do, as valuing them solely for their actions objectifies and dehumanizes them. Here are some practical ways to express respect to your spouse: 1. Validation: Communicate what you value about them, both in their actions and as individuals. 2. Curiosity: Ask open-ended questions about their thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams. 3. Play to Strengths: Recognize that a 50/50 approach doesn't always make sense; let your spouse excel in their areas of strength. 4. Communication: Set aside time to talk and connect regularly. In the grand scheme of marriage, mutual respect is the cornerstone upon which everything else stands. When respect withers, so does the partnership. Make it a priority to respect your spouse for who they are, and learn how to convey that respect effectively. By doing so, you can breathe new life into your marriage and watch it thrive. Join us next time on [Podcast Name] as we continue to explore essential aspects of relationships.

Debunking Unrealistic Marriage Expectations Join us for a thought-provoking episode as we dissect the common motivations behind marriage decisions and evaluate whether these expectations hold up in reality. Delve into the realm of marriage misconceptions and uncover its deeper purpose. **The Issue - Challenging Unrealistic Marriage Beliefs:** Embark on a journey to explore the misconceptions that often drive individuals to seek marriage, including unfounded beliefs in assured financial stability, complete emotional fulfillment, and an end to loneliness. We unpack these notions to uncover their true validity. **The Truth - Unveiling Biblical Insights:** Discover how a biblical perspective on marriage reveals a stark contrast to popular misconceptions. We dive into passages such as Proverbs 18:22, Genesis 2:24, and Proverbs 19:14, shedding light on marriage's intended purpose as a divine gift and a partnership to fulfill a greater human purpose. **Realignment - Purposeful Conversations and Compatibility:** For those considering marriage, we emphasize the importance of candid discussions around expectations. Is your desire for marriage rooted in societal norms or a shared commitment to align with God's divine plan? The key is to find a partner who shares your vision for a purpose-driven marriage. **Harmonizing Passion and Purpose:** Challenge the notion that focusing on marriage's purpose diminishes passion and romance. Uncover how aligning with God's intent can actually amplify intimacy within a relationship. By understanding that marriage cultivates holiness, romance flows naturally, unburdened by unrealistic pressures. **Assessing Your Marriage:** For couples already united in marriage, it's time for reflection. Does your marital experience match your expectations? Are your expectations in harmony with God's blueprint? Whether celebrating alignment or addressing disparities, this is an opportunity for growth and connection. **Conclusion - Unveiling the True Marriage Purpose:** Navigate the sea of unrealistic expectations surrounding marriage and rediscover the essence of a thriving partnership. The key lies in syncing expectations with God's design. Embrace marriage as a platform to reflect God's love and fulfill a larger purpose, transcending fleeting notions for lasting fulfillment. Tune in to this enlightening conversation, where we challenge conventional wisdom and explore the profound depths of marriage's authentic essence.  

A lot of podcasts talk about why marriage is important and insight into how to stay marriage. We often forget to talk about how much fun it is to be married. In this episode, Bryon and Jen celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary with the audience telling stories about their wedding day and sharing some of the things they enjoy about being married. 

Welcome to episode 45 of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast, airing on July 31, 2023. In this thought-provoking podcast, we address the pervasive issue of pornography within Christian culture. We examine conflicting data on pornography usage among Christians and its detrimental effects on relationships and marriages. Throughout the episode, we explore the negative impacts of pornography, such as negative body image, addiction, and unrealistic sexual expectations. Drawing from biblical passages, we emphasize that using porn is considered a sin. Our aim is to provide a solution for dealing with the shame surrounding pornography. We remind listeners that God's love and forgiveness are ever-present, encouraging them to confess their struggles to God and fellow believers. By bringing this issue into the light, its power can be diminished. We offer practical steps to combat pornography, including repentance, accountability structures, and software to block access. Additionally, we highlight the importance of addressing underlying issues that may drive one towards porn use and seeking professional help when necessary. In conclusion, we assert that pornography is inherently harmful, and any amount of its use should be avoided. However, we stress that individuals are not irredeemable; they are deeply loved by God. By harnessing the power of the Holy Spirit, one can find the strength to overcome pornography's hold on their life. Join us for this empowering episode as we seek healing and restoration together.

In this episode hosts Bryon and Jen delve into the significance of apologies in fostering healthy relationships. Despite lawyers often discouraging apologies due to potential legal implications, Bryon and Jen explore how apologies are essential for healing the rifts caused by our actions. They confront prevalent misconceptions about apologies, such as the mistaken belief that saying sorry signifies weakness or admitting liability. Additionally, they debunk the idea of superficial apologies aimed at merely escaping discomfort. By addressing these misconceptions, they shed light on how such notions compound the damage and create distance in relationships, hindering the necessary growth and intimacy for a thriving marriage. Presenting a solution, Bryon and Jen emphasize that a meaningful apology extends beyond a mere "I'm sorry." It involves a heartfelt confession that acknowledges wrongdoing, takes full accountability for one's actions, and expresses genuine remorse for the resulting negative outcomes. They discuss two common examples of ineffective apologies: the "I'm sorry but..." approach commonly seen in children, and the dismissive "I'm sorry you feel that way" frequently used between spouses. By exploring these flawed apologies, they highlight how they fail to accept responsibility, invalidate feelings, and deny personal involvement in the negative consequences. Drawing from personal experiences, Bryon shares instances where he unintentionally hurt Jen's feelings, emphasizing the importance of recognizing that his actions caused pain, irrespective of intent. He emphasizes that a sincere apology acknowledges the direct link between one's actions and the resulting consequences, stating, "I deeply regret that my actions led to this negative outcome." In conclusion, Bryon and Jen underscore that healthy relationships thrive on confession, repentance, and forgiveness, with genuine apologies playing a vital role. They highlight the significance of admitting mistakes, taking responsibility, and expressing authentic remorse for the damage caused. By practicing sincere apologies, listeners can foster stronger marriages and relationships. Join Bryon and Jen as they navigate the intricacies of apologies, inspiring listeners to cultivate a culture of accountability and healing within their own relationships.

Join us in this episode as we delve into the challenges couples face in maintaining self-determination while becoming a cohesive unit in marriage. Though the ideal is unity, it's natural for both partners to desire independence and resist control. Tracing the roots of the struggle for control, we find it originates from the fall and the introduction of sin and selfishness. Through interviews with couples in crisis, we witness the common thread of control issues leading to conflicts in various aspects of their lives. However, we emphasize that controlling behavior is contrary to God's plan. It encompasses harmful actions like violence, intimidation, manipulation, and abuse, all of which are unacceptable and sinful. To overcome struggles for control, we offer a three-step approach: stop using controlling behavior, confess the wrongdoing to your partner, and genuinely seek forgiveness. Repentance is essential, where couples learn to communicate their needs lovingly and work together to find common ground. For more deeply rooted patterns of control, seeking guidance from a marriage coach or counselor is encouraged. Addressing such issues proactively can help couples build a stronger and healthier relationship. Our utmost priority is to address the seriousness of abuse. It should never be considered normal or tolerated. In situations of abuse, immediate action is necessary to ensure safety and seek professional help. In conclusion, let's remember that marriage is a partnership built on sacrificial love and mutual respect. Embracing freedom while honoring each other's self-determination can lead to a fulfilling and harmonious relationship. On this Independence Day, let's celebrate not just America's freedom but also the freedom within our marriages.

In this episode, we delve into the often difficult and taboo subject of money within marriages. We explore the challenges of discussing finances and provide strategies to strengthen relationships through open and honest conversations. Research shows that while money may not be the main cause of divorce, it is a significant contributor to marital stress. The key issue lies in differing values around money, exacerbated by a lack of communication. To address this, we suggest presuming goodwill in your partner's intentions, focusing on strategic discussions about values and goals, and avoiding weaponizing financial conflicts. Seeking the assistance of a financial planner can also provide guidance in making tactical decisions aligned with your financial strategy. By emphasizing strategy over tactics and fostering healthy financial conversations, couples can build stronger marriages. https://newsroom.breadfinancial.com/making-cents-of-love-and-money

In this episode of the Operation Thriving Marriage podcast, the hosts delve into the topic of happiness and its connection to thriving marriages. They begin by sharing quotes from ancient philosophers, one suggesting that true happiness is only attainable after death and the other emphasizing the impossibility of achieving happiness in our present lives. This leads to a discussion about society's strong belief in the pursuit and attainment of happiness, especially in America where it is deeply ingrained in our identity. The hosts highlight how marital stress often manifests as unhappiness and reference an article on the changing landscape of happiness in America. They shift the focus to the purpose of marriage, emphasizing that it is not solely about happiness but about fostering holiness and personal growth. By becoming more holy, couples are better equipped to fulfill God's plans for their lives, which in turn leads to a sense of peace and joy. Through exploring the complex relationship between happiness and thriving marriages, the hosts aim to provide listeners with a broader perspective on the subject.   https://time.com/6244240/happiness-america-history/?utm_medium=social-paid&utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=consumermarketing-anyword+engagement+all&utm_content=content+anyword21+pv1+na+na+na+na&kwp_0=2239496&kwp_4=6354266&kwp_1=2730027&fbclid=IwAR2ku3CL19PgtUxkuw5i_hP5KCddP24k0usGv9MaArBzeEaevvl_UJfj_wk

In this episode of the Operation Thriving Marriage Podcast, Bryon and Jennifer discuss the concept of love languages and how they can differ between individuals in a relationship. They highlight the importance of understanding and accepting these differences to avoid conflict and misunderstandings. The hosts also delve into the challenges that arise when love languages collide, particularly when one partner's love language makes the other uncomfortable. They suggest that communication is key to navigating this issue and offer tips on how to do so effectively, such as translating one's partner's actions into their love language and trying to love one's partner in the way they want to be loved. Ultimately, the hosts emphasize that love is more than just a feeling and that having the attitude and taking action towards loving one's partner is crucial for a healthy marriage.

In culture today there are a lot of competing messages about masculinity. It gets even trickier when you start listening to different people try to define biblical masculinity. In this episode we focus on what the Bible does say about masculinity and highlight areas that are often presented as biblical but where the Bible is actually silent. We then try to give men some direction on how to be the husbands God has called them to be. In this episode we reference the book Of Boys And Men: Why the Modern Male is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It by Richard Reeves

Lust is a common experience. Contemporary culture treats lust as normal and not a problem. “You can look but you can't touch.” That is not how Jesus treats lust. He says lusting is the same as adultery. Lust is a problem that must be addressed. It objectifies the object of lust and damages the intimacy in marriage.   Link to the article mentioned at the beginning of the episode. https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/did-we-kiss-purity-goodbye?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=paidsocial&utm_campaign=NTP%20%E2%80%93%20US%20Boost&utm_content=Did%20We%20Kiss%20Purity%20Goodbye%3F&hsa_acc=1624234290982548&hsa_cam=23849977346490267&hsa_grp=23849977346510267&hsa_ad=23850251045660267&hsa_src=fb&hsa_net=facebook&hsa_ver=3&fbclid=IwAR15hTwFnfp2UK4_sOrb576atEUkiGZy6kDg6RD8X1NZoPeANaGXJnN8bl4

When we get married we become one but we don't lose who we are. Our personalities are part of who we are as individuals. These differences are important and can sometimes lead to conflict. Couples will often mishandle these differences by ignoring or exaggerating them. In this episode we hope to help you learn how to manage your differences in a healthy way.   Link to the article Jen read: https://www.sistersletter.com/we-time/many-women-over-40-who-seem-lucky-in-love-actually-know-this?cmp=SNP-ICM-FB-SISTERS-CTW&kenshooID=284884660&kpid=fb_cmp-6271654246437_adg-6303225404237_ad-6307010121237&fbclid=IwAR2zy6Jkp0W6pMjnaVCPBlu4z4RuWFopjfLf2Eq1NnwdwD-v5yDP-Lw5LLw