Podcasts about marriage advice podcast

In this episode of the Blended Kingdom Families Podcast, Scott and Vanessa discuss the importance of continuing to date your spouse—even when life gets busy, budgets are tight, and parenting in a blended family adds extra layers.  They share practical tips for creating meaningful connection through date nights, staying emotionally close, and how these moments can deepen physical intimacy and reduce conflict. Whether you're newlyweds or decades in, there's power in intentional time together. They also discuss financial obstacles many blended families face—and how you can still have great date nights without spending a dime.  Tune in for practical tips, encouragement, and biblical truth to help your marriage thrive in a blended family.We pray this episode blesses you today!Want to join the Blended Kingdom Families Community? Connect with us: Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, To support this ministry and help ensure that blended families around the world continue to receive biblical equipping click here: https://blendedkingdomfamilies.com/donate/ For more resources visit: Blended Kingdom Families Website

Spiritual intimacy is something couples want, but don't really know how to get there. We can tend to believe a common myth that it should come naturally without any effort, plus it can seem awkward to pray together or pursue spiritual growth. So how can spiritual intimacy be a realistic part of marriage?  Today we're talking about tangible ways to grow in spiritual intimacy with your spouse - and what NOT to do.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!   Episode highlights include:  Why spirituality matters in marriage Common mistakes couples make with spiritual intimacy  Can the wife initiate the conversation about spiritual intimacy, or does the husband need to do that as a spiritual leader?  Practical steps to growing together spiritually  Tips to grow your marriage to become a light and example    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway: The spiritual domain is integral to our health and wellbeing. Sharing it with your spouse is an essential part of intimacy in marriage.   Questions to Discuss:  What practices / spiritual disciplines have been most impactful for your personal spiritual growth?  What is one spiritual practice you would like to share with your spouse?    QUOTES  “If you're not able to share about spirituality with your spouse, it diminishes your ability to be intimate and know one another.” - Lindsay Few  “We wish we could have an awesome marriage without trying. But it does take effort.” - Lindsay Few  “When you have an expectation, you've got to share it with your spouse. Then they can let you know whether it's realistic or not.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “Most guys feel inadequate to be a spiritual leader. But God will equip you: It's not rocket science, it's just being intentional.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “Most wives just want to see an intentional effort. It doesn't have to be anything fancy.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling “Any time in the Word is better than none.” - Lindsay Few    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Build healthy habits in the New Year with the Healthy Marriage Rhythms bundle: 5 resources for just ONE donation! Get all the details HERE!  Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for practical weekly marriage tips! FLASH SALE! Browse our online courses at  AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com,  and use code “FLASH2025” for $100 off ANY of our courses! Limited time only.

Spiritual intimacy is something couples want, but don't really know how to get there. We can tend to believe a common myth that it should come naturally without any effort, plus it can seem awkward to pray together or pursue spiritual growth. So how can spiritual intimacy be a realistic part of marriage?  Today we're talking about tangible ways to grow in spiritual intimacy with your spouse - and what NOT to do.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!   Episode highlights include:  Why spirituality matters in marriage Common mistakes couples make with spiritual intimacy  Can the wife initiate the conversation about spiritual intimacy, or does the husband need to do that as a spiritual leader?  Practical steps to growing together spiritually  Tips to grow your marriage to become a light and example    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway: The spiritual domain is integral to our health and wellbeing. Sharing it with your spouse is an essential part of intimacy in marriage.   Questions to Discuss:  What practices / spiritual disciplines have been most impactful for your personal spiritual growth?  What is one spiritual practice you would like to share with your spouse?    QUOTES  “If you're not able to share about spirituality with your spouse, it diminishes your ability to be intimate and know one another.” - Lindsay Few  “We wish we could have an awesome marriage without trying. But it does take effort.” - Lindsay Few  “When you have an expectation, you've got to share it with your spouse. Then they can let you know whether it's realistic or not.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “Most guys feel inadequate to be a spiritual leader. But God will equip you: It's not rocket science, it's just being intentional.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “Most wives just want to see an intentional effort. It doesn't have to be anything fancy.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling “Any time in the Word is better than none.” - Lindsay Few    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Build healthy habits in the New Year with the Healthy Marriage Rhythms bundle: 5 resources for just ONE donation! Get all the details HERE!  Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for practical weekly marriage tips! FLASH SALE! Browse our online courses at  AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com,  and use code “FLASH2025” for $100 off ANY of our courses! Limited time only.

Marriage conflict is hard, but you know what makes it even harder? Trying to WIN. Because if you win, that means your spouse loses. And that's not great for your marriage connection. Break out of the “my way” versus “your way” myth and learn what it means to work together to have a win for your marriage.  Today we're unpacking the process of how to win TOGETHER. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!   Episode highlights include:  Why taking divorce off the table changes the dynamics of conflict. What does it mean for the marriage to “win” and how can you do it?  Key steps for healthy conflict resolution The importance of empathy and proactive communication to prevent arguments. *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide Main takeaway:  Marriage conflict is hard. When you try to win, you make it even harder. Questions to Discuss:  Are there any issues that have you stuck in a “win/lose” cycle?  Have you considered any creative “third” options (options that aren't “your way” or “their way”) that could solve the issue?  Brainstorm possible options. During brainstorming, no idea is too out there! Just get lots of other options on the table to help you start looking for marriage wins instead of fighting over your individual preference.  QUOTES   "If you're trying to win, that means your spouse loses." - Dr. Kim Kimberling  "A marriage win creates two winners." - Dr. Kim Kimberling  "Ask: What's going to make our marriage win?" - Dr. Kim Kimberling  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Get the Love Making Survey 2.0! Now expanded with 20 new questions PLUS the 7-day Love Making Challenge, it's our Giving Tuesday gift to you, as a thank you for your donation to the ministry of Awesome Marriage!   Shop Honoring Intimates for lingerie, lubricants and more with NO lewd images, and use our discount code AWESOMEMARRIAGE for 20% off!    Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!  

Marriage conflict is hard, but you know what makes it even harder? Trying to WIN. Because if you win, that means your spouse loses. And that's not great for your marriage connection. Break out of the “my way” versus “your way” myth and learn what it means to work together to have a win for your marriage.  Today we're unpacking the process of how to win TOGETHER. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!   Episode highlights include:  Why taking divorce off the table changes the dynamics of conflict. What does it mean for the marriage to “win” and how can you do it?  Key steps for healthy conflict resolution The importance of empathy and proactive communication to prevent arguments. *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide Main takeaway:  Marriage conflict is hard. When you try to win, you make it even harder. Questions to Discuss:  Are there any issues that have you stuck in a “win/lose” cycle?  Have you considered any creative “third” options (options that aren't “your way” or “their way”) that could solve the issue?  Brainstorm possible options. During brainstorming, no idea is too out there! Just get lots of other options on the table to help you start looking for marriage wins instead of fighting over your individual preference.  QUOTES   "If you're trying to win, that means your spouse loses." - Dr. Kim Kimberling  "A marriage win creates two winners." - Dr. Kim Kimberling  "Ask: What's going to make our marriage win?" - Dr. Kim Kimberling  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Get the Love Making Survey 2.0! Now expanded with 20 new questions PLUS the 7-day Love Making Challenge, it's our Giving Tuesday gift to you, as a thank you for your donation to the ministry of Awesome Marriage!   Shop Honoring Intimates for lingerie, lubricants and more with NO lewd images, and use our discount code AWESOMEMARRIAGE for 20% off!    Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!  

Today we're answering listener questions about how to handle the pain of a spouse's porn use.  Unfortunately, this is a pretty common issue we hear about from couples, but the good news is that you CAN heal and move forward. So today we're answering listener questions about healing and recovery from pornography in marriage. We'll talk about the process for forgiveness, what to do if you just cannot forgive and move on, how to rebuild trust, and practical strategies to combat intrusive thoughts.  Listen for practical ways to heal and recover your heart and your marriage. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:  How to forgive and move forward when it feels impossible  Changing your view if you can't separate your spouse from the hurtful behavior  The balance of feeling safe and willingness to be vulnerable  Boundary setting to allow for healing Getting out of the comparison trap and starting to feel beautiful and desirable again  *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway:  When your marriage is recovering from porn use, repentance is the first step. Forgiveness allows you to heal, and boundaries help facilitate marriage healing. You can rebuild your marriage even better than before.  Questions to Discuss:  What does your spouse do that helps you trust them? Are there any areas where you need to build or repair trust with your spouse?  What can you do together to help that process?  QUOTES  “Until you forgive, you're still giving a lot of power to what happened.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “One of the best prayers is asking God to help you see your spouse through His eyes.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “We want assurance that nothing will ever hurt us again, but that's not possible.” Lindsay Few   “Look for Jesus in your spouse. When you see that, things are probably going to be pretty good.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  This is not a hurdle to get through: this is a lifestyle change.   - Dr. Kim Kimberling There's nothing wrong with being accountable, not because you ‘have to,' but because you love your spouse.   - Dr. Kim Kimberling “You've got to be completely open and transparent with each other. You can't have trust without that.”   - Dr. Kim Kimberling MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Sign up for the Free 5 Steps to Healing After Porn Betrayal to learn the steps you need to take to live a marriage undefiled and experience closeness and intimacy again Past podcast episodes on healing your marriage after porn:  How to Regain Trust With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 561 How to Rebuild Intimacy With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 562 Has your marriage been damaged by the effects of porn? Not sure what's next? Download the 8 Steps To Heal Your Marriage After Porn to learn your next steps to healing.

Today we're answering listener questions about how to handle the pain of a spouse's porn use.  Unfortunately, this is a pretty common issue we hear about from couples, but the good news is that you CAN heal and move forward. So today we're answering listener questions about healing and recovery from pornography in marriage. We'll talk about the process for forgiveness, what to do if you just cannot forgive and move on, how to rebuild trust, and practical strategies to combat intrusive thoughts.  Listen for practical ways to heal and recover your heart and your marriage. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:  How to forgive and move forward when it feels impossible  Changing your view if you can't separate your spouse from the hurtful behavior  The balance of feeling safe and willingness to be vulnerable  Boundary setting to allow for healing Getting out of the comparison trap and starting to feel beautiful and desirable again  *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway:  When your marriage is recovering from porn use, repentance is the first step. Forgiveness allows you to heal, and boundaries help facilitate marriage healing. You can rebuild your marriage even better than before.  Questions to Discuss:  What does your spouse do that helps you trust them? Are there any areas where you need to build or repair trust with your spouse?  What can you do together to help that process?  QUOTES  “Until you forgive, you're still giving a lot of power to what happened.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “One of the best prayers is asking God to help you see your spouse through His eyes.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “We want assurance that nothing will ever hurt us again, but that's not possible.” Lindsay Few   “Look for Jesus in your spouse. When you see that, things are probably going to be pretty good.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  This is not a hurdle to get through: this is a lifestyle change.   - Dr. Kim Kimberling There's nothing wrong with being accountable, not because you ‘have to,' but because you love your spouse.   - Dr. Kim Kimberling “You've got to be completely open and transparent with each other. You can't have trust without that.”   - Dr. Kim Kimberling MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Sign up for the Free 5 Steps to Healing After Porn Betrayal to learn the steps you need to take to live a marriage undefiled and experience closeness and intimacy again Past podcast episodes on healing your marriage after porn:  How to Regain Trust With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 561 How to Rebuild Intimacy With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 562 Has your marriage been damaged by the effects of porn? Not sure what's next? Download the 8 Steps To Heal Your Marriage After Porn to learn your next steps to healing.

If porn has damaged your marriage, healing is possible. And you are not alone…This is unfortunately a common issue we hear from couples about. So today on the podcast, we're answering listener questions about healing and recovery from pornography in marriage. We'll talk about the need for forgiveness, what to do when a spouse cannot forgive and move on, how to rebuild trust, and practical strategies to combat temptation.  Listen for practical ways to engage in healing and recovery for you and your marriage. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:  What to do if a spouse can't forgive past porn use  How to make a plan for dealing with temptation. Necessary steps in the trust-rebuilding process  Help to understand the impact on a wife's self-image  How shame and isolation impact recovery   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway:  Porn use can really damage the trust in marriage, but recovery is possible. Learn how and do what it takes to rebuild trust and does not    Questions to Discuss:  What are the areas of vulnerability in your marriage?  How can you make a plan to protect your marriage where you need it most?  Is there anything you need to come clean about with your spouse? Do it today.    QUOTES  “The things a spouse needs to do for recovery are good for them AND good for the marriage. It really works together.” Lindsay Few  “Most men I talk to have no idea how devastating their p*rn use was for their wife.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “It's so important to have a plan in place.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “Remember that temptation itself is not sin. It's what you do once you are tempted.”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “You can use temptation as a red flag to drive you toward things that are good for you.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling   “God doesn't want us stuck in shame, but the enemy sure does.” - Lindsay Few    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Podcast episode:  We mentioned this episode with Matt Cline  Other helpful episodes: How to Regain Trust With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 561 How to Rebuild Intimacy With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 562 Sign up for the Free 5 Steps to Healing After Porn Betrayal to learn the steps you need to take to live a marriage undefiled and experience closeness and intimacy again

If porn has damaged your marriage, healing is possible. And you are not alone…This is unfortunately a common issue we hear from couples about. So today on the podcast, we're answering listener questions about healing and recovery from pornography in marriage. We'll talk about the need for forgiveness, what to do when a spouse cannot forgive and move on, how to rebuild trust, and practical strategies to combat temptation.  Listen for practical ways to engage in healing and recovery for you and your marriage. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:  What to do if a spouse can't forgive past porn use  How to make a plan for dealing with temptation. Necessary steps in the trust-rebuilding process  Help to understand the impact on a wife's self-image  How shame and isolation impact recovery   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway:  Porn use can really damage the trust in marriage, but recovery is possible. Learn how and do what it takes to rebuild trust and does not    Questions to Discuss:  What are the areas of vulnerability in your marriage?  How can you make a plan to protect your marriage where you need it most?  Is there anything you need to come clean about with your spouse? Do it today.    QUOTES  “The things a spouse needs to do for recovery are good for them AND good for the marriage. It really works together.” Lindsay Few  “Most men I talk to have no idea how devastating their p*rn use was for their wife.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “It's so important to have a plan in place.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “Remember that temptation itself is not sin. It's what you do once you are tempted.”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “You can use temptation as a red flag to drive you toward things that are good for you.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling   “God doesn't want us stuck in shame, but the enemy sure does.” - Lindsay Few    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Podcast episode:  We mentioned this episode with Matt Cline  Other helpful episodes: How to Regain Trust With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 561 How to Rebuild Intimacy With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 562 Sign up for the Free 5 Steps to Healing After Porn Betrayal to learn the steps you need to take to live a marriage undefiled and experience closeness and intimacy again

 We're so happy to have David and Meg Robbins from FamilyLife joining us on the podcast today. The Robbins have been in ministry for many years and have learned so many important truths about what it takes to create a marriage strong enough to stand strong through the years.  Today they share their wisdom and experience. You don't want to miss this conversation, full of wisdom and practical application that will benefit you and your marriage.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:  The unique strengths of Gen Z when it comes to pursuing marriage  The 3 threats every marriage faces The power of the Holy Spirit to stand strong  Daily habits to fight the drift that busyness creates in marriage Scheduling habits to keep your marriage connected  How to find an encouraging community of support - and why it matters    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway: Don't neglect the health of your marriage: Keep short accounts when things need to be addressed between you, and cultivate supportive community.  Questions to Discuss:  Are you aware of the spiritual battle for your marriage?  Are there any ways you're viewing your spouse as your enemy, and neglecting to protect your mind and heart against the real enemy?  Where would your life and marriage benefit from community? What step can you take today to nurture your friendships, mentorship and fellowship?  QUOTES  Younger generations are doing a lot of deep story work. - Meg Robbins  We all have ingrained sin patterns that we bring into marriage. - David Robbins  Vulnerability does involve risk. It's not status quo. Yet vulnerability is the pathway to deeper intimacy. - David Robbins  You have to take risky steps to take down the walls around your heart. - Meg Robbins  With little things, we can be hard on ourselves. But when you spend time with other people, you realize these are normal things. - Meg Robbins  Most people want to talk about their marriage, it just requires someone else to start the conversation. Anyone of us can crack open the conversation.  - David Robbins  A healthy marriage is one that's repenting often. - David Robbins  No marriage is going to naturally drift towards awesome oneness.  - Meg Robbins MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Find marriage-building resources and events at www.FamilyLife.com  Find and follow FamilyLife on YouTube Utilize FamilyLife's The Art of Marriage small group course  

 We're so happy to have David and Meg Robbins from FamilyLife joining us on the podcast today. The Robbins have been in ministry for many years and have learned so many important truths about what it takes to create a marriage strong enough to stand strong through the years.  Today they share their wisdom and experience. You don't want to miss this conversation, full of wisdom and practical application that will benefit you and your marriage.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:  The unique strengths of Gen Z when it comes to pursuing marriage  The 3 threats every marriage faces The power of the Holy Spirit to stand strong  Daily habits to fight the drift that busyness creates in marriage Scheduling habits to keep your marriage connected  How to find an encouraging community of support - and why it matters    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway: Don't neglect the health of your marriage: Keep short accounts when things need to be addressed between you, and cultivate supportive community.  Questions to Discuss:  Are you aware of the spiritual battle for your marriage?  Are there any ways you're viewing your spouse as your enemy, and neglecting to protect your mind and heart against the real enemy?  Where would your life and marriage benefit from community? What step can you take today to nurture your friendships, mentorship and fellowship?  QUOTES  Younger generations are doing a lot of deep story work. - Meg Robbins  We all have ingrained sin patterns that we bring into marriage. - David Robbins  Vulnerability does involve risk. It's not status quo. Yet vulnerability is the pathway to deeper intimacy. - David Robbins  You have to take risky steps to take down the walls around your heart. - Meg Robbins  With little things, we can be hard on ourselves. But when you spend time with other people, you realize these are normal things. - Meg Robbins  Most people want to talk about their marriage, it just requires someone else to start the conversation. Anyone of us can crack open the conversation.  - David Robbins  A healthy marriage is one that's repenting often. - David Robbins  No marriage is going to naturally drift towards awesome oneness.  - Meg Robbins MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Find marriage-building resources and events at www.FamilyLife.com  Find and follow FamilyLife on YouTube Utilize FamilyLife's The Art of Marriage small group course  

Show of hands: Are you an Amazon box hider? … or do you have your spouse break down the boxes for you?  All joking aside, online shopping can be an issue that hinders couples' closeness. Money management in general can be a hot topic, but the wide range of ways we can spend money online with just the click of a button can create some additional obstacles, and we hear about it from couples all the time. Today we're equipping you to resolve this issue.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:  Red flags that you need to address online spending with your spouse.  The role of trust in marriage money habits  How to know when online shopping has become a problem  The negative cycle of emotional triggers     *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES  “When you look into what's most important with money, you make a lot more progress more quickly.” - Lindsay Few  "When you quit being a team, that's when it becomes a problem." - Dr. Kim Kimberling "If shopping is getting in the way of closeness with your spouse, then something needs to change." - Dr. Kim Kimberling   Couple's Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway: Money secrets do not serve your marriage well, so do what it takes to build trust with your spouse around finances.  Questions to Discuss:  Are there any money habits your spouse does not know about you?  What areas bring out money tension for your marriage?  What is one step that would help you work through that and build unity today?    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Learn how to avoid the 4 common budgeting mistakes couples make when in the FREE Centsei Class. Learn more here.  Get the budget conversation started with 27 Money Questions Every Couple Needs to Ask Marriage Multiplier is a quick and highly practical weekly email to help you invest in your marriage. CLICK HERE to learn more!  

Show of hands: Are you an Amazon box hider? … or do you have your spouse break down the boxes for you?  All joking aside, online shopping can be an issue that hinders couples' closeness. Money management in general can be a hot topic, but the wide range of ways we can spend money online with just the click of a button can create some additional obstacles, and we hear about it from couples all the time. Today we're equipping you to resolve this issue.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:  Red flags that you need to address online spending with your spouse.  The role of trust in marriage money habits  How to know when online shopping has become a problem  The negative cycle of emotional triggers     *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES  “When you look into what's most important with money, you make a lot more progress more quickly.” - Lindsay Few  "When you quit being a team, that's when it becomes a problem." - Dr. Kim Kimberling "If shopping is getting in the way of closeness with your spouse, then something needs to change." - Dr. Kim Kimberling   Couple's Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway: Money secrets do not serve your marriage well, so do what it takes to build trust with your spouse around finances.  Questions to Discuss:  Are there any money habits your spouse does not know about you?  What areas bring out money tension for your marriage?  What is one step that would help you work through that and build unity today?    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Learn how to avoid the 4 common budgeting mistakes couples make when in the FREE Centsei Class. Learn more here.  Get the budget conversation started with 27 Money Questions Every Couple Needs to Ask Marriage Multiplier is a quick and highly practical weekly email to help you invest in your marriage. CLICK HERE to learn more!  

Did you know that marriage can be good for you? Marriage is not always viewed as the gift from God that it actually is, but He has designed this relationship to provide some *amazing* benefits to both spouses.  Today Dr. Kim is sharing several of the ways a healthy marriage supports health and wellness for you, your spouse and your family. Tune in to learn more!  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:   The benefits of a good marriage for mental and physical health Health effects on kids and families The damaging effects of loneliness - even in marriage  Steps you can take to combat loneliness  Hidden benefits of the process of working on things you need to work on  Our Couples Conversation Guide helps you apply each episode's content. To get each week's guide click here to subscribe! *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES  “There's all kinds of incentives to work on your marriage, and this is one of them: If you have a healthy marriage, you have a healthier, longer life.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “We hear about so much depression; so much anxiety. Everybody's under stress. Marriage can help your mental health.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “I was out of my comfort zone, and any time you do that is uncomfortable, but on the other side there might be something really helpful.” - Lindsay Few    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Don't let screens come between you: Use our free 17 Questions Every Couple Should Ask About Tech printable to get on the same page!  Life's unpredictable. Build a solid foundation for your marriage with 21 Prayers to Build an Awesome Marriage  Are you ready to join the mission? Our Marriage Changers exist because a world full of awesome marriages can change the world! Learn more HERE  Our Couples Conversation Guide helps you apply each episode's content. To get each week's guide click here to subscribe! We are here to help! Email Info@awesomemarriage.com any time.  Our Healthy Self / Healthy Marriage Podcast Series goes deeper:  Why Does Physical Health Matter In Marriage? | Ep. 520 The Connection Between Emotional & Spiritual Health | Ep. 521 Mental Health & Your Marriage | Ep. 522 Answering Listener Questions | Ep. 523  

Did you know that marriage can be good for you? Marriage is not always viewed as the gift from God that it actually is, but He has designed this relationship to provide some *amazing* benefits to both spouses.  Today Dr. Kim is sharing several of the ways a healthy marriage supports health and wellness for you, your spouse and your family. Tune in to learn more!  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:   The benefits of a good marriage for mental and physical health Health effects on kids and families The damaging effects of loneliness - even in marriage  Steps you can take to combat loneliness  Hidden benefits of the process of working on things you need to work on  Our Couples Conversation Guide helps you apply each episode's content. To get each week's guide click here to subscribe! *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES  “There's all kinds of incentives to work on your marriage, and this is one of them: If you have a healthy marriage, you have a healthier, longer life.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “We hear about so much depression; so much anxiety. Everybody's under stress. Marriage can help your mental health.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “I was out of my comfort zone, and any time you do that is uncomfortable, but on the other side there might be something really helpful.” - Lindsay Few    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Don't let screens come between you: Use our free 17 Questions Every Couple Should Ask About Tech printable to get on the same page!  Life's unpredictable. Build a solid foundation for your marriage with 21 Prayers to Build an Awesome Marriage  Are you ready to join the mission? Our Marriage Changers exist because a world full of awesome marriages can change the world! Learn more HERE  Our Couples Conversation Guide helps you apply each episode's content. To get each week's guide click here to subscribe! We are here to help! Email Info@awesomemarriage.com any time.  Our Healthy Self / Healthy Marriage Podcast Series goes deeper:  Why Does Physical Health Matter In Marriage? | Ep. 520 The Connection Between Emotional & Spiritual Health | Ep. 521 Mental Health & Your Marriage | Ep. 522 Answering Listener Questions | Ep. 523  

Does marriage still matter in this day and age? We say a resounding yes!    Marriage was designed by God, and there are several purposes the Bible gives for why marriage matters. Today we're digging into what Scripture says about the value of marriage. Tune in to learn God's purposes for the marriage relationship, and why they matter in your marriage! We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:    Dr. Kim's list of biblical purposes for marriage Several ideas for what it means to “be fruitful” in marriage  The power of a marriage model - and tips on how to find one  The ripple effect of an intentional marriage Ways your marriage can be a light in our dark world    Our Couples Conversation Guide helps you apply each episode's content. To get each new guide, click here to subscribe!   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES  “No marriage is perfect. But if you're a couple steps ahead, you've navigated some things that others haven't.” - Lindsay Few   “My dream for the marriage changers is that they're learning, growing and passing that on.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “Prayer has had such an impact on our marriage. When God answers prayer like He does, we want to tell everybody what He's done!” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  The things God calls us to do bring glory to God. They bring us joy, life and peace, and they also bring light and encouragement to others.” - Lindsay Few  “Yes, it's hard at times. Yes, there are things you have to work through. But the big picture result is worth it.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling   MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  Don't let screens come between you: Use our free 17 Questions Every Couple Should Ask About Tech printable to get on the same page!  Life's unpredictable. Build a solid foundation for your marriage with 21 Prayers to Build an Awesome Marriage  We are here to help! Email Info@awesomemarriage.com any time.  Are you ready to join the mission? Our Marriage Changers exist because a world full of awesome marriages can change the world! Learn more HERE  Our Couples Conversation Guide helps you apply each episode's content. You'll get each new guide when you click here to subscribe!  

Does marriage still matter in this day and age? We say a resounding yes!    Marriage was designed by God, and there are several purposes the Bible gives for why marriage matters. Today we're digging into what Scripture says about the value of marriage. Tune in to learn God's purposes for the marriage relationship, and why they matter in your marriage! We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:    Dr. Kim's list of biblical purposes for marriage Several ideas for what it means to “be fruitful” in marriage  The power of a marriage model - and tips on how to find one  The ripple effect of an intentional marriage Ways your marriage can be a light in our dark world    Our Couples Conversation Guide helps you apply each episode's content. To get each new guide, click here to subscribe!   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES  “No marriage is perfect. But if you're a couple steps ahead, you've navigated some things that others haven't.” - Lindsay Few   “My dream for the marriage changers is that they're learning, growing and passing that on.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “Prayer has had such an impact on our marriage. When God answers prayer like He does, we want to tell everybody what He's done!” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  The things God calls us to do bring glory to God. They bring us joy, life and peace, and they also bring light and encouragement to others.” - Lindsay Few  “Yes, it's hard at times. Yes, there are things you have to work through. But the big picture result is worth it.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling   MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  Don't let screens come between you: Use our free 17 Questions Every Couple Should Ask About Tech printable to get on the same page!  Life's unpredictable. Build a solid foundation for your marriage with 21 Prayers to Build an Awesome Marriage  We are here to help! Email Info@awesomemarriage.com any time.  Are you ready to join the mission? Our Marriage Changers exist because a world full of awesome marriages can change the world! Learn more HERE  Our Couples Conversation Guide helps you apply each episode's content. You'll get each new guide when you click here to subscribe!  

Has you or your spouse's insecurity affected your marriage? We're all insecure about something, and the way we see ourselves will end up spilling over into the way we relate to others. Nowhere is this more likely to happen than in marriage.  In this episode Dr. Kim and Christina share  ways to address your insecurity and your spouse's insecurity, including a surprising way Dr. Kim has learned to turn his weaknesses to strengths. Tune in for wisdom and practical tips.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:   How insecurity affects a marriage  Advice if your spouse's insecurity is weighing you down  Advice if your OWN insecurity weighs you down  Practical steps to overcome insecurity  How to fight back against your insecurities   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES  “How you view yourself absolutely affects how you're going to interact with others.” - Christina Dodson  “I think the role of the spouse is to build each other up. Your marriage should be your safest place, next to your relationship with God.”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “Perfection is not what God expects from you, nor should anyone else be expecting it from you.” - Christina Dodson  “You begin to believe the things God says about you and who you are in Christ, and that changes your countenance. You will look like a different person.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “There's less holding you back if you're not weighed down by your insecurities. There's more joy, more abundance, freedom to enjoy life together. ” - Christina Dodson  “One thing God does so well for us is he loves us right where we are. Our goal is to love our spouse right where they are.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling   “You can't take it over. You can't fix it for them. But you can come alongside and do what God wants you to do.” -  Dr. Kim Kimberling  “No one is thinking about you as much as you're thinking about you. To me, that's really freeing!” - Christina Dodson    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  Our 5 Days to Deeper Emotional Intimacy digital resource provides practical steps to understand and share your emotions, and to work together to grow your emotional intimacy…and it's our gift to you for your donation of any amount. The Christmas in July Sale is on at Awesome Marriage University and that means you get 30% OFF ANY and ALL of our online marriage courses! BROWSE our course offerings to find which one your marriage needs and use the code JULY at checkout!

Has you or your spouse's insecurity affected your marriage? We're all insecure about something, and the way we see ourselves will end up spilling over into the way we relate to others. Nowhere is this more likely to happen than in marriage.  In this episode Dr. Kim and Christina share  ways to address your insecurity and your spouse's insecurity, including a surprising way Dr. Kim has learned to turn his weaknesses to strengths. Tune in for wisdom and practical tips.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:   How insecurity affects a marriage  Advice if your spouse's insecurity is weighing you down  Advice if your OWN insecurity weighs you down  Practical steps to overcome insecurity  How to fight back against your insecurities   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES  “How you view yourself absolutely affects how you're going to interact with others.” - Christina Dodson  “I think the role of the spouse is to build each other up. Your marriage should be your safest place, next to your relationship with God.”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “Perfection is not what God expects from you, nor should anyone else be expecting it from you.” - Christina Dodson  “You begin to believe the things God says about you and who you are in Christ, and that changes your countenance. You will look like a different person.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “There's less holding you back if you're not weighed down by your insecurities. There's more joy, more abundance, freedom to enjoy life together. ” - Christina Dodson  “One thing God does so well for us is he loves us right where we are. Our goal is to love our spouse right where they are.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling   “You can't take it over. You can't fix it for them. But you can come alongside and do what God wants you to do.” -  Dr. Kim Kimberling  “No one is thinking about you as much as you're thinking about you. To me, that's really freeing!” - Christina Dodson    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  Our 5 Days to Deeper Emotional Intimacy digital resource provides practical steps to understand and share your emotions, and to work together to grow your emotional intimacy…and it's our gift to you for your donation of any amount. The Christmas in July Sale is on at Awesome Marriage University and that means you get 30% OFF ANY and ALL of our online marriage courses! BROWSE our course offerings to find which one your marriage needs and use the code JULY at checkout!

In Episode 69 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, we focus on how friendships impact the financial health of a marriage. Jen shares personal stories about how her friends influence her relationship and finances, reflecting Jimmy Evans' insight from XO Marriage that our friends shape our future. We delve into Biblical teachings that highlight the importance of healthy, God-designed relationships, emphasizing that financial decisions are crucial within these dynamics. We address the challenge of friends who negatively affect our finances, especially in today's social media-driven world. Friends often showcase their extravagant lifestyles online, leading to feelings of inadequacy and financial strain. We discuss the pressure to match their spending on dinners, activities, and vacations, which can cause tension and stress in marriages. To navigate these challenges, we offer practical solutions. Your financial decisions as a couple should reflect your values, goals, and the example you wish to set. We emphasize the importance of contentment and aligning financial goals with Scripture. Learn to celebrate your friends' successes without falling into discontentment and make wise choices about the people who influence your financial habits. In conclusion, as Christians, we are called to be different through how we live and manage our finances. Let your financial decisions glorify God and reflect His kingdom. Tune in for insightful discussions on managing friendships and finances in your marriage. **Keywords: Financial Health in Marriage, Marriage and Finances, Social Media Influence, Biblical Financial Guidance, Christian Financial Management, Contentment in Marriage, Marriage Advice Podcast**

Conflict is no one's favorite, but it is an inevitable part of life. And today Donna Jones teaches us why it's nothing to be afraid of by busting some of the most common misunderstandings that lead to conflict avoidance, and providing a biblical roadmap to handle conflict in a healthy way.  Tune in to learn more about approaching conflict in a healthy, biblical way.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:   The biggest mistakes most couples make in conflict  The trick to de-escalate in the heat of the moment.  The inner characteristics that build better conflict habits  Help to break conflict patterns in your marriage  The healthy way to apologize well   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES  “When we handle conflict in a healthy way, the outcome is peace. Peace between us and who we have conflict with; peace in our own souls.” - Donna Jones  “When we are in conflict, it literally affects everything about us. We function, but on the inside, we're torn to pieces.” - Donna Jones  “The reason so many of us think conflict is bad, is that we never learned to see how conflict can turn out good.”  - Donna Jones  “When we have conflict, we tend to think it means 1 of 3 things: There's something wrong with you; there's something wrong with me, or there's something wrong with us. But conflict doesn't mean that.” - Donna Jones  “No relationship can survive an atmosphere of disrespect over the long haul.”  - Donna Jones  “The most important thing is not an act, it's an attitude: Humility.”  - Donna Jones  “If you want to know how strong a person really is, look for humility.” - Donna Jones  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  Order Donna's book Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life today!  Find Donna on her website, on Instagram @DonnaAJones or Facebook @donnajonesspeak/ For more help to break the conflict cycle, sign up for Dr. Kim's “8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar” If your marriage is feeling a bit blah, the Marriage Refresher is the jumpstart you need to bring fresh life into your marriage!

Conflict is no one's favorite, but it is an inevitable part of life. And today Donna Jones teaches us why it's nothing to be afraid of by busting some of the most common misunderstandings that lead to conflict avoidance, and providing a biblical roadmap to handle conflict in a healthy way.  Tune in to learn more about approaching conflict in a healthy, biblical way.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:   The biggest mistakes most couples make in conflict  The trick to de-escalate in the heat of the moment.  The inner characteristics that build better conflict habits  Help to break conflict patterns in your marriage  The healthy way to apologize well   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES  “When we handle conflict in a healthy way, the outcome is peace. Peace between us and who we have conflict with; peace in our own souls.” - Donna Jones  “When we are in conflict, it literally affects everything about us. We function, but on the inside, we're torn to pieces.” - Donna Jones  “The reason so many of us think conflict is bad, is that we never learned to see how conflict can turn out good.”  - Donna Jones  “When we have conflict, we tend to think it means 1 of 3 things: There's something wrong with you; there's something wrong with me, or there's something wrong with us. But conflict doesn't mean that.” - Donna Jones  “No relationship can survive an atmosphere of disrespect over the long haul.”  - Donna Jones  “The most important thing is not an act, it's an attitude: Humility.”  - Donna Jones  “If you want to know how strong a person really is, look for humility.” - Donna Jones  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  Order Donna's book Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life today!  Find Donna on her website, on Instagram @DonnaAJones or Facebook @donnajonesspeak/ For more help to break the conflict cycle, sign up for Dr. Kim's “8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar” If your marriage is feeling a bit blah, the Marriage Refresher is the jumpstart you need to bring fresh life into your marriage!

It often feels like the world around us is too broken. Where would you even start if you wanted to try and fix it? On the podcast today, Charlie and Andi Ashworth answer this question, and thankfully their answer is much simpler and more doable than it might seem.  The Ashworths have spent decades sharing their creative gifts and encouraging others to do the same, and in today's episode they artfully equip you to take small steps toward creativity, community, and reflecting the light of God's love, right where you are.  Don't miss this bonus episode!  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:   How should Christians engage with culture?  A call for culture making - and how simple it is to actually do it  Why the small things matter - and how to use them for good in your life Hope for becoming the remedy to the loneliness epidemic How to balance the desire for creativity and the need to get things done   Battling the dis-integration of “mundane” versus doing things we like    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES “We make less and less meaning of everything now, because it's happening so fast and we're receiving so much information.” - Charlie Ashworth “There's no small people; there's no small things. Everything matters.”  - Charlie Ashworth “We don't know the stories that will continue after we do.” - Andi Ashworth  “If all of life matters to God, then all of life matters to us.” - Andi Ashworth  “We want a formula … but it is a process.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling   “Based on your faith in Christ, what kind of culture are you making? Are you contributing good? Or are you contributing negativity?” - Charlie Ashworth   “It's antithetical to the word of God and to creation itself to think that we as people of God are somehow standing outside of it. It actually creates an ‘us' versus ‘them' mentality that is so unhealthy.” - Charlie Ashworth   “Start with where you're at: You're actually getting up and making culture every day.” - Andi Ashworth “As an artist, maturity looks like a seamless integration of a diversity of creativity over time.” - Charlie Peacock  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  Charlie and Andi's book, Why Everything That Doesn't Matter, Matters So Much: The Way of Love in a World of Hurt Find more from the Ashworths on their website: https://thewriterthehusband.com/  Andy Crouch's book Culture Making  Learn 7 reasons why your sex life may not be where you want it to be, and how to get it there! Sign up here for the 9 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life Webinar   

It often feels like the world around us is too broken. Where would you even start if you wanted to try and fix it? On the podcast today, Charlie and Andi Ashworth answer this question, and thankfully their answer is much simpler and more doable than it might seem.  The Ashworths have spent decades sharing their creative gifts and encouraging others to do the same, and in today's episode they artfully equip you to take small steps toward creativity, community, and reflecting the light of God's love, right where you are.  Don't miss this bonus episode!  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:   How should Christians engage with culture?  A call for culture making - and how simple it is to actually do it  Why the small things matter - and how to use them for good in your life Hope for becoming the remedy to the loneliness epidemic How to balance the desire for creativity and the need to get things done   Battling the dis-integration of “mundane” versus doing things we like    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES “We make less and less meaning of everything now, because it's happening so fast and we're receiving so much information.” - Charlie Ashworth “There's no small people; there's no small things. Everything matters.”  - Charlie Ashworth “We don't know the stories that will continue after we do.” - Andi Ashworth  “If all of life matters to God, then all of life matters to us.” - Andi Ashworth  “We want a formula … but it is a process.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling   “Based on your faith in Christ, what kind of culture are you making? Are you contributing good? Or are you contributing negativity?” - Charlie Ashworth   “It's antithetical to the word of God and to creation itself to think that we as people of God are somehow standing outside of it. It actually creates an ‘us' versus ‘them' mentality that is so unhealthy.” - Charlie Ashworth   “Start with where you're at: You're actually getting up and making culture every day.” - Andi Ashworth “As an artist, maturity looks like a seamless integration of a diversity of creativity over time.” - Charlie Peacock  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  Charlie and Andi's book, Why Everything That Doesn't Matter, Matters So Much: The Way of Love in a World of Hurt Find more from the Ashworths on their website: https://thewriterthehusband.com/  Andy Crouch's book Culture Making  Learn 7 reasons why your sex life may not be where you want it to be, and how to get it there! Sign up here for the 9 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life Webinar   

Brendan & Mike answer 16 questions from the audience on a variety of topics. Find us on Instagram and Twitter.Brendan's Instagram, Twitter & Email ListMike's Instagram, Youtube & Twitter Apply to join over 55 men in the Masculine Revival Brotherhood HERE.Looking for 1:1 coaching? View Mike's 1:1 mentorship program HERE. JOIN THE COURTSHIP NETWORK -> APPLY HERE_______________________________________________INTRO (00:50)Why are men waiting to get married later? (02:35)Should you pursue women when you are early 20s? Or trust will provide? (06:45)Tips on long distance dating? I met a guy I like but he is on the other side of the country… (09:14)Should we worry about the new world order, conspiracies, and other hard issues? (12:53)Can Mike explain how he became catholic, sad to hear this… Brendan are you catholic, or just mike? (15:23)Thoughts on Mark Driscoll calling out the pastor for having a male stripper at that mens event? (29:00)Courtship app. I'm based in Toronto, 38y Female. Should I try it? Are there many men in the pool? More info please. (31:40)Why do you think some men struggle to commit to a godly relationship? (32:52)What to do if your partner is into conspiracy theories? To be fair, he helped me not to get the vax… (36:30)How to convince someone who believes they have no incentive to get married without shaming? (40:34)Ever thought about starting a tribe network to connect with like-minded men? Any local groups in california? (42:55)How do you personally disciple your wife as her spiritual authority? (43:40)How do you talk to a brother in Christ about his failing at being a leader in his marriage? (47:33)With rampant materialism and greed in the world, how should we view money as christians? (49:36)When do we begin the rebellion against the reptilians that are making the frogs gay? (51:56)In a time where I want to be single, what should a young man be focusing on? (52:52)

Dr. Kim has said that prayer is the #1 most impactful thing you can do for your marriage. Today he explains why that is, and how to make it a habit in your marriage. Today we want to make praying with your spouse more approachable by sharing 4 biblical prayers to pray with your spouse that will grow your marriage.  The Bible lists a lot of reasons for marriage, and praying in line with God's purpose and intention for marriage is very powerful.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:   Why prayer is an essential act of spiritual protection against the enemy  Why it's so hard to get started, and how to overcome  Healthy perspective shifts praying will provide in your marriage  How to handle some of the uncomfortable realities of answered prayers  The power of prayer to help you take personal responsibility   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES “Praying together puts God where he wants to be in our marriage: Right in the center of it. - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “The enemy does not want Christian marriages to work.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “When you pray together you find that it unites you.”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “There's a ripple effect: It's not just about the couple, it's about the family; it's about the community.” - Lindsay Few  “I am more of who God created me to be after being married to Nancy all these years than I would have been without her.” -  Dr. Kim Kimberling  “God put us together. He's got some fun stuff for us to do. Let's look out and let's get this stuff going!” - Lindsay Few Blame is a very human response…but we all have a way we can influence the world. We do have control over how we're responding to God's call on us.” - Lindsay Few   QUESTIONS FOR YOU 4 Prayers to Pray together:  Protection from the enemy of our souls That your marriage will sharpen you Pray that your marriage be fruitful That your marriage will be a light    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  Our 21 Prayers for Building An Awesome Marriage makes it simple to make prayer a regular part of your marriage

Dr. Kim has said that prayer is the #1 most impactful thing you can do for your marriage. Today he explains why that is, and how to make it a habit in your marriage. Today we want to make praying with your spouse more approachable by sharing 4 biblical prayers to pray with your spouse that will grow your marriage.  The Bible lists a lot of reasons for marriage, and praying in line with God's purpose and intention for marriage is very powerful.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:   Why prayer is an essential act of spiritual protection against the enemy  Why it's so hard to get started, and how to overcome  Healthy perspective shifts praying will provide in your marriage  How to handle some of the uncomfortable realities of answered prayers  The power of prayer to help you take personal responsibility   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES “Praying together puts God where he wants to be in our marriage: Right in the center of it. - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “The enemy does not want Christian marriages to work.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “When you pray together you find that it unites you.”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “There's a ripple effect: It's not just about the couple, it's about the family; it's about the community.” - Lindsay Few  “I am more of who God created me to be after being married to Nancy all these years than I would have been without her.” -  Dr. Kim Kimberling  “God put us together. He's got some fun stuff for us to do. Let's look out and let's get this stuff going!” - Lindsay Few Blame is a very human response…but we all have a way we can influence the world. We do have control over how we're responding to God's call on us.” - Lindsay Few   QUESTIONS FOR YOU 4 Prayers to Pray together:  Protection from the enemy of our souls That your marriage will sharpen you Pray that your marriage be fruitful That your marriage will be a light    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  Our 21 Prayers for Building An Awesome Marriage makes it simple to make prayer a regular part of your marriage

How's the romance in your marriage? How does it compare to when you were dating? (… and does that matter?) Romance can fall by the wayside in marriage because it seems like an “extra” that you'll get around to when you have extra time or money, or if you feel inspired to make a grand gesture.  But today Dr. Kim shares several reasons NOT to let that be the case in your marriage. Listen to learn why you need to bring the romance back and HOW to realistically make that happen.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:   Dr. Kim shares specific ways romance benefits a marriage  What does romance look like for men vs. for women?  What to do if you're just not feeling it  Whose job is it to make sure the romance is good?   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES “Most people would say at some point it was there. So how do you get it back?” - Dr. Kim Kimberling “We kind of quit doing romantic things because we're not feeling it. Sometimes we have to go ahead and do them, so that we feel it again.”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling “Marriage is a lot better when you've got romance in it.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling “I think we'd like it to come naturally, like it does in the movies  “It's ok to have the conversation. We have to get past the mindset of, ‘If you really loved me, you'd know.'” - Dr. Kim Kimberling “Romance is a great way to show your spouse, I see you, I appreciate you, and I care about what you care about.” Lindsay Few    QUESTIONS FOR YOU  Have you talked about romance with your spouse?  Ask them: What is sexy to you? What is romantic to you?  Don't judge their answers!  Answers may change over time, so check in every now and then.    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  - The ❤️‍

How's the romance in your marriage? How does it compare to when you were dating? (… and does that matter?) Romance can fall by the wayside in marriage because it seems like an “extra” that you'll get around to when you have extra time or money, or if you feel inspired to make a grand gesture.  But today Dr. Kim shares several reasons NOT to let that be the case in your marriage. Listen to learn why you need to bring the romance back and HOW to realistically make that happen.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:   Dr. Kim shares specific ways romance benefits a marriage  What does romance look like for men vs. for women?  What to do if you're just not feeling it  Whose job is it to make sure the romance is good?   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES “Most people would say at some point it was there. So how do you get it back?” - Dr. Kim Kimberling “We kind of quit doing romantic things because we're not feeling it. Sometimes we have to go ahead and do them, so that we feel it again.”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling “Marriage is a lot better when you've got romance in it.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling “I think we'd like it to come naturally, like it does in the movies  “It's ok to have the conversation. We have to get past the mindset of, ‘If you really loved me, you'd know.'” - Dr. Kim Kimberling “Romance is a great way to show your spouse, I see you, I appreciate you, and I care about what you care about.” Lindsay Few    QUESTIONS FOR YOU  Have you talked about romance with your spouse?  Ask them: What is sexy to you? What is romantic to you?  Don't judge their answers!  Answers may change over time, so check in every now and then.    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  - The ❤️‍

Does your home echo with the sounds of sibling squabbles? Do you wish for more connection with your kids? If so, today's episode is for you! Don & Suzanne Manning, the founders of Crazy Cool Family, are passionate about equipping Christian families with strategies to cultivate a family culture they ALL enjoy living with!  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:   Effective ways to protect kids from screen & tech temptations Where to invest your time and energy for the best parenting outcomes - and where NOT to  The goal of disciplining our kids and how to work toward it    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES “Don't look at the outside and all the fearful things - don't waste your time and energy there: You're going after your kids' heart.” - Suzanne Manning “Kids are wired to want us on their team. They want our input. ”  - Suzanne Manning  “Control is based in fear, and connection is based in love.” - Don Manning  “Most people try to control, because we don't know what to do. But it doesn't work.” Dr Kim Kimberling   “We never tell parents they need to work harder. They need to work differently. Becoming an encourager and being a listener are two ways to do that.” - Don Manning   “Our children are going to go where the encouragement is.” - Suzanne Manning  “Because of technology and culture, connection today is more important than it's ever been.” - Don Manning  “The goal of discipline is self-control. When situations come up, they are opportunities to build self control in my kids. Opportunities to build them up for the next stage of life.” - Don Manning  QUESTIONS FOR YOU  Do you lean more toward connection, or control?   MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  Find more resources and info from Don & Suzanne at CrazyCoolFamily.com   Listen to the Crazy Cool Family Podcast    Reduce unnecessary arguments, decrease stress in your home, develop better understanding of your spouse, AND strengthen your bond as a couple with THIS: Our 30-Day Communication Challenge!    Need more communication help? Sign up here to save your spot for Dr. Kim's FREE webinar,  “7 Common Communication Mistakes Couples Make”   Questions about gaslighting, narcissism and blame? Submit them anonymously HERE or DM us on Instagram. Dr. Kim will answer them in an upcoming episode   

Does your home echo with the sounds of sibling squabbles? Do you wish for more connection with your kids? If so, today's episode is for you! Don & Suzanne Manning, the founders of Crazy Cool Family, are passionate about equipping Christian families with strategies to cultivate a family culture they ALL enjoy living with!  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:   Effective ways to protect kids from screen & tech temptations Where to invest your time and energy for the best parenting outcomes - and where NOT to  The goal of disciplining our kids and how to work toward it    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES “Don't look at the outside and all the fearful things - don't waste your time and energy there: You're going after your kids' heart.” - Suzanne Manning “Kids are wired to want us on their team. They want our input. ”  - Suzanne Manning  “Control is based in fear, and connection is based in love.” - Don Manning  “Most people try to control, because we don't know what to do. But it doesn't work.” Dr Kim Kimberling   “We never tell parents they need to work harder. They need to work differently. Becoming an encourager and being a listener are two ways to do that.” - Don Manning   “Our children are going to go where the encouragement is.” - Suzanne Manning  “Because of technology and culture, connection today is more important than it's ever been.” - Don Manning  “The goal of discipline is self-control. When situations come up, they are opportunities to build self control in my kids. Opportunities to build them up for the next stage of life.” - Don Manning  QUESTIONS FOR YOU  Do you lean more toward connection, or control?   MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  Find more resources and info from Don & Suzanne at CrazyCoolFamily.com   Listen to the Crazy Cool Family Podcast    Reduce unnecessary arguments, decrease stress in your home, develop better understanding of your spouse, AND strengthen your bond as a couple with THIS: Our 30-Day Communication Challenge!    Need more communication help? Sign up here to save your spot for Dr. Kim's FREE webinar,  “7 Common Communication Mistakes Couples Make”   Questions about gaslighting, narcissism and blame? Submit them anonymously HERE or DM us on Instagram. Dr. Kim will answer them in an upcoming episode   

Are you uncertain with your  food choices or unhappy with your body? Is it possible to truly be at peace with food and your body? If you're not comfortable with your body, this will spill over into your marriage. Gaining a biblical perspective with this will help you heal your relationship with your body and food choices, and in turn, your marriage.    Today we are delighted to have Brittany Braswell joining us to tackle these personal and often painful topics, and share hope, help, and Biblical perspective on these topics. Brittany is a Registered Dietician, Christian speaker and host of the Joy-Filled Eater Podcast, and a wealth of wisdom and encouragement on navigating these challenging topics.     We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:   What does Scripture actually say about body image?  How our view of our body impacts our marriage Brittany's 1st priority for her clients' nutrition – this might surprise you! Tips to handle food choices if you and your spouse are not on the same page   Ways to support your spouse if they are struggling in this area Ways to ask for your spouse's support if you're struggling in this area     *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES “So much of it is our perception: If I see my body negatively, then I'm assuming my spouse does too.” - Brittany Braswell  “So much of the conversation around body image is very me-centric, not Christ centric.”  - Brittany Braswell  “The Lord blessed us with this variety of flavors and gave us taste buds to be able to enjoy them!” -  Brittany Braswell  “It's ok to ask for help. You don't have to meet a certain criteria to deserve some support.”  -  Brittany Braswell  “We can eat in a way that helps our bodies to thrive so that our bodies don't become the thing that holds us back from fulfilling the calling and purpose God has placed on our lives.” -  Brittany Braswell   QUESTIONS FOR YOU If it's hard for you to believe it when your spouse says they are attracted to you, dig a little deeper: Why is it hard to believe?     MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  For more wisdom on these topics, listen to Brittany's podcast, The Joy Filled Eater Here's the episode on gluttony she mentioned in today's conversation with Dr. Kim  Find Free Resources as well as coaching, courses & community on Brittanys' website BrittanyBraswellRD.com  Facebook Support Group: Food Freedom and Body Image Support for Christian Women  Follow her on Instagram 

GIVEAWAY!!!!!!Today's episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team who have chosen to help financially support this show monthly. And since today is my birthday I want to try something a little different. If you sign up today to be a part of our faithful patron team, at any level, you will be entered for a chance to receive a copy of each of our marriage books for free and will also be added to a special list of people who will get one of the first copies of our newest book coming out later this year title The Marriage Gift: 365 Prayers For Our Marriage.This goes for anyone who is already a faith patron team member. If you are currently on the team you will be automatically entered for a chance to win all our marriage books including a copy of our newest book releasing in the fall.We will announce the winner in the next episode so please sign up today and not only support this podcast and our free daily prayer emails but also be entered into this fun giveaway.Please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron Dear Lord, Thank you for the gift of knowlege. We pray we would be people who seek and pursue knowledge. We pray we would be humble and recognize that there will always be so much more to learn and grow in. We pray we would seek to study our spouse and know them well. We pray we would be always learners of your holy word. Please help us to experience growth in our relationship with you as your Holy Spirit teaches us. We pray your will is done in us and through us as you shape and mold our characters In Jesus' name AMEN!

Todays episode is brought to you by our free 30-day marriage prayer challenge. And our free 30day parenting prayer challenge.When you sign up for either of the challenges or both you will receive an email every day with scripture and topics for  you to pray for your spouse and you son or daughter.We hope to inspire and encourage a consistent and robust prayer life with this challenge and want to invite you to sign up for free today.Simply visit http://marriageprayerchallenge.com/ or parentingprayerchallenge.com and sign up for free today.  Dear Lord, Thank You for the people you have placed in our lives who have shown us ways we should be walking, encouraged us to live according to your word, and has been by our side through hard times. Thank You for the ones who have mentored us in marriage and parenting. Thank You for the ones we have had the opportunity to mentor and pour into. We pray you continue to use us in this way to lift up the younger generation and please keeping putting people in our life who we can learn fromIn Jesus' name AMEN!

How do you determine what's important in your marriage? How do you navigate marriage when you have different interests and hobbies than your spouse? Today we are going to explore the art of learning alongside each to grow in the things we love, sharing in the experience together and nurturing our marriage relationship by choosing to like what each other loves. Today's episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team who have chosen to help financially support this show monthly. Here is a shout-out to some of our most recent patrons. Lakesha LRachel SJoy CDebra CWe thank you so much for choosing to partner with us in blessing 10's of thousands of couples with free daily prayer emails and this weekly podcast.If you have been blessed by our free Marriage After God content wed love to invite you to join our patron team. Please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron

In this weeks episode we would like to invite you to invest in your marriage in a meaningful way and by doing so you will also be helping support this podcast.simply take a moment and head over to our online store shop.marriageaftergod.comAnd grab a set of our devotionals or prayer journals. Here are some of the resources we have written for you.The Ultimate Marriage After God Growth Bundle (30% OFF) 5 of our most popular books31 Prayers For My Son & Daughter books bundleAnd for those of you that are engaged our are in a waiting period we have31 Prayers For My Future husband and wife books.

Today's episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team who have chosen to help financially support this show monthly. Here is a shout-out to some of our most recent patrons. Jill BChristy HYvonne GMeri UWe thank you so much for choosing to partner with us in blessing 10's of thousands of couples with free daily prayer emails and this weekly podcast.If you have been blessed by our free marriage after god content wed love to invite you to join our patron team. Please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron

They say communication is the key to a good relationship…. But what do they say about how we communicate Living in the 21st century with all the technological advances we have? The rapid ability to communicate via phone, text, or email has definitely thrown a curve ball for those trying to bat a homerun in marriage!   The invention of the cellphone, internet, and apps have completely reshaped our culture and how we operate as a society and it all has happened in a very short period of time. Despite the good that can come from the speedy access acquired through technology, there have been unintended and unexpected consequences of the way it is used at times, especially through text messaging. Have you ever sent a text that was taken the wrong way? Are you guilty of ignoring a text or being non-responsive? Have you ever experienced anxiety or hurt from the way a conversation unfolds over text? Have you ever been misunderstood through these short-hand ways of communicating? Today we are going to explore a conversation around the ways we communicate and how its impacting our marriage. 

If you have been blessed by our free marriage after god content wed love to invite you to join our patron team. So if you haven't joined the team yet here is your chance.Please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron--The Gospel, It's the good news of Salvation to the world. It's good news because it tells us that where we could only fail Jesus could only succeed. It brings us near to God yet while we were far off. The Gospel makes us whole where we were in pieces. But does the gospel only matter before we believe or after also? Once we have stepped into it do we simply leave it behind? Or is the Gospel something that we as believers should cling to in every aspect of our lives?

The word LOVE has been used so often and for such a variety of things. Commonly applied to everything from pets to food, from clothing to cars, and of course in significant relationships. If we love all of our things… then what does it mean when we do tell our spouse, “I Love you”?How are those around us, our spouse, our children, our friends and our family to know the difference between our love for things and our love for them? How can one word have so many different levels of meaning? Has it been diluted through the way we use it?Has it ceased to hold its powerful purpose? And How can we hope to revive the meaning and depth of this word when it comes to those to whom it is to mean the most?--If you have been blessed by the free marriage after god content wed love to invite you to join our patron team. Please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron

All of us on some level, desire a transformation in our marriage. Whether that transformation is a small change or a complete overhaul, We want to experience more joy, more peace, more love and more purpose. The truth is….we are always going through some form of transformation, for there is no such thing as staying the same. The question is, are we transforming into what God desires or something else?--This episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team, who have chosen to help financially support this show monthly. Here is a shout-out to some of our most recent patrons. Nicole MitchellDawn GKimberly SKatharine CCandice GRegena JWe thank you so much for choosing to partner with us in blessing 10's of thousands of couples with free daily prayer emails and this weekly podcast.If you have been blessed by the free marriage after god content, wed love to invite you to join our patron team. Please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron TRANSCRIPTAaron:Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith, your host of the Marriage After God Podcast. All of us on some level desire a transformation in our marriage. Whether the transformation is a small change or a complete overhaul, we want to experience more joy, more peace, more love, and more purpose. Jennifer:The truth is, we are always going through some form of transformation, for there is no such thing as staying the same. The question is, are we transforming into what God desires, or something else? Aaron:This episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team who have chosen to help financially support this show. Here's a shout to some of the most recent patrons: Nicole M, Don G, Kimberly S, Katherine C, Candace, G, and Regina J. We thank you so much for choosing to partner with us in blessing tens of thousands of couples, with free daily prayer emails, and this weekly podcast.If you've been blessed by this free Marriage After God content, we'd love to invite you to join our patron team. Please visit Marriageaftergod.com/patron. Jennifer:Well, this has been a whole month now of the podcast. Aaron:We're doing it. Jennifer:It's awesome. Aaron:We are doing it. Jennifer:Welcome to 2023. How's January been for you? Aaron:Well, it feels like we've been doing better because we're better as in, we've talked about, we're getting into routines. The routines look different than they used to, but we're getting some routines and I like it. Jennifer:Yeah, sometimes you just got to reset. Sometimes life forces you to reset. Aaron:Yeah, hence 2020, 2021, 2022. Jennifer:Every year there's been new reset. Yeah, so what's been happening lately since last week? Aaron:Well, just before ... Jennifer:Oh, yeah, I was going to say that. Aaron:Yeah. I walk in, and I wanted to Jennifer look at the notes and she's like, "What notes?" I'm like, "Oh my goodness. Was one of the kids in here?" Jennifer:There was just two sentences and a bunch of gibberish. Aaron:Garbly. Yeah. Jennifer:Did you say garbly? Aaron:Garbly goop. It was, all the notes were deleted, literally. Jennifer:Who was the culprit? That's what I want to know. Aaron:I'm wondering what else happened in our room. Luckily, I was able to restore the notes so we weren't out of luck, but something that is awesome that happened this week is I got to start Jiu-Jitsu. Jennifer:Nice. The kids have been doing it for a year. Did you know that? Aaron:It's been a whole year? Jennifer:I know. Crazy. Went by fast. Aaron:They're getting really good and I was getting jealous, and I'm like, "I got to get good at Jiu-Jitsu so that I can wrestle with them and them not win me every time." I started this week and I think you're a little jealous, because I think you want to start too. Jennifer:I've been wanting to start for seven months. I feel like out of everyone in the family, Mom gets to make those kind of choices last because everyone's got to be okay if I'm going to step out of the house. Aaron:It is true. We need you a lot. Jennifer:Timing was off, but who knows? Aaron:I think we might try it this week though together, on a date night or something. Jennifer:I think we're going to try it on a date night. Aaron:We should do it. Jennifer:It's just a fundamentals class, so there it'll be easy for me, I think. Not easy, but I'm not going to do what you're doing. Aaron:Straightforward. Yeah. To be honest, it was one of the most rewarding and intense workouts I've had in a very long time. I walk out drenched, soaking. It's disgusting. I'm so wet. I was getting in the van and I had to look for something to sit on so I wouldn't get the seat all wet. Jennifer:That's gross. Aaron:It was really gross, and I'm also really sore. To be honest, I felt really good after the first class. I was like, "Dang, I'm not that bad. I did awesome." Then the second class, I realized everyone was probably being really nice to me because I'm not good at all. That was awesome, actually. Jennifer:Does that make you want to go back? Aaron:Yeah. It was still a lot of fun. No one was mean about it. Everyone's so nice and they want, everyone wants to get good together. Yeah, it just made me excited. Jennifer:That's good for this episode. Get good together. That's what we should call it. Aaron:Get good together. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to growing in it. Jennifer:Cool. Well, something that's been interesting for me was a little bit unexpected, just because we've had conversations about it, but ... Aaron:Privately. Jennifer:The kids started praying for me crazy ... Aaron:Out of nowhere. Jennifer:... that I would have another baby, and it really warms my heart. Aaron and I have talked about this in the past. We're like, we look at Edith, she's two, almost three, and she's been our baby for so long that it's like ... Aaron:Is this the longest gap we've had so far? Yeah. Jennifer:WI think to myself, okay, well if this is all the kids that we have, I'm totally content and happy with where our family is at. Then there's this piece of my heart that I'm like, but if I did have another, that'd be awesome. Aaron:Our hands are always open in that sense. We want God's will. At the same time, we're praying and asking God to bring us along with them. Our kids started praying for it. Jennifer:Every day. Aaron:At Bible time, I'm like, "Who would anyone like to pray?" First prayer, God give mommy a baby. Then Elliot just came up randomly, me and you were talking this morning, just about the day, and I can't remember what we were talking about. He just comes over and puts his hands on both of us and looks at us and starts praying for a baby. We're like, okay, I guess you guys want a baby. Jennifer:That's just been going on a week. Aaron:We will see if you guys get an announcement at some point this year about a baby. Jennifer:Stick around if you want to hear it announced on the podcast. Aaron:You will hear about it if that happens. Jennifer:We shall see. Aaron:For this topic, transforming your marriage, it's hard to say that. Transforming. Jennifer:No, it's get better together, or what'd you say? Aaron:Yeah, let's do this together. Get better together. Transforming your marriage together. We wanted to bring up some ideas, and we actually have seven of them for you. What inspired this idea for you, Jennifer? You kind of wrote down some of these ideas that we've been building off of. Jennifer:Yeah. Well, the initial just idea of, hey, let's talk about transformation for a minute. Marriage came because of a conversation that we had back in December. I was having a hard time dealing with desiring change and wanting change, and being frustrated over things not changing, Aaron:Which also has been the theme for this whole month. Jennifer:Yeah, yeah. I remember calling you, and we were having a conversation about, well, I was letting my emotions out and you, you're being a good listener. Then you said, "Let's transform together. Let's be transformed together," or something like that. Aaron:Yeah. Well, because you felt like you couldn't. I don't know how to do this. I can't do this. That's why we've been talking about this in various aspects throughout this month, but we all feel that way. That's why I shared it. I feel like there's things in my life that I can't break out of either, that I can't change. Then I was just saying, "Well, we have to be transformed."That's the only way we have true change in our life is if there's a transformation. We can't be the same person but act differently. We can't be the same in the same place and yet be in a different place. We have to change. We have to move. Jennifer:I think the tension of the agony in all of our lives when it comes to transformation is we're on one side where we desire the change, because we're frustrated over the results and things happening because of where we're at ... Aaron:The consequences of where we're at. Jennifer:We also know that to get to the other side of change, it just requires a lot. Aaron:It's painful. Jennifer:It's painful, and it's hard to make those changes and those habits, and redefining rhythms and routines, and things that will help make all of that happen. Aaron:I think an encouragement also about transformation, because it's easy to say, we got to be transformed. It's like, well, yeah. How? I think the first step, and it's something that we've been trying to reiterate, is that first of all, we can change. If there's areas in our lives that we don't like, or that we know God wants change in us, we have the ability to, because God's putting his spirit. He's put his spirit in us. It's not impossible, and they feel that way, but the reality is we, are being transformed.Like we said in the beginning of this episode, all of us are being transformed into something. Either we're being lazy or we're being lax, and we're being transformed into something that we don't want because we're just letting it happen, or we're following God, we're putting our eyes on him. We're seeking first his kingdom. We're letting his spirit work in us. We're not fighting it, and we're being transformed into his likeness. Jennifer:The lie is that we're stuck. Aaron:The lie is that we can't change the lies is that there, that we are what we are. Jennifer:We're here in our heads. We'll never change. That's what I was getting stuck in, is like, no, I'm never going to change. You see yourself one way, and it gets really hard to see yourself in a new way. Aaron:Yeah. Believing that we can, like you said, but then also believing what God says and believing that he has something for us. Jennifer:The reason why we wanted to bring this up to you today for those listening is because we kind of had this conversation going on in our marriage, and we know that we're not the only ones who have struggled with desiring change in marriage, or in parenting, or in life, in so many different areas of life. We want to encourage you guys, if you're in that place of desiring change and transformation, we hope that today encourages you.Maybe what we share, not every single bit of it will stick with you or be something that you feel like you need to work on, but I'm sure there's at least one or two. Aaron:Well, and the point is, there's this saying that it says, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Well, if you think about the whole thing, you're like, it can. The goal is taking that next step, just moving forward, asking God, saying, "God, help me get to the whatever the next footprint is." Jennifer:Yeah. Aaron:Not trying to look at the goal a thousand miles away and saying, "I can never get there." Just realize there's a journey that we're all on. We hope you feel the grace and the mercy that God's been showing us is that it's okay that we're on this journey, and that we sometimes don't know what we're doing. Transformation and change feels hard because it is, actually. We all can do it because we have Christ. Jennifer:We're going to share seven ways that you can transform your marriage with your spouse. Some of these are practical, some of them are just good old fashioned truth from the Bible. We hope that these stick with you guys and encourage you toward that change you've been yearning for. Aaron:A lot of these things are things that we ourselves have recognized helped us or will help us as we have been trying to implement them more. It's not like we've just came up with these for you. This is things that work for us too. Jennifer:Our experience. Aaron:This first one, I've mentioned it so many times in other episodes, but it works so well for you, Jennifer, but it also works really well for me. Jennifer:For us. Aaron:For us. Jennifer:We get to see it together. Aaron:What is it? It's write it out. It's very practical. The idea is write it out. This first one ... Jennifer:Not ride, write it out. Aaron:Not ride it out. That is a good tip, actually. Just get through. No, write it out, W-R-I-T-E. There's something really powerful about writing things down. Jennifer:We've kind of been doing it all week with the growth spurt, if people have been following along. Aaron:We got our own cards out. The fact that I wrote it down and put it on the refrigerator ... Jennifer:Makes you think about it every day. Aaron:I see it, and I realize I'm like, oh man, I'm not following through with that thing that I said I'm going to do. I'm looking at the clock right now actually. The thing I wrote down was I'm going to be in bed by nine, and I did it last night just about. Jennifer:You're not supposed to talk about it yet. Aaron:Sorry. Jennifer:That's the notes on there for later. Aaron:Yeah. Okay. Jennifer:You guys have to listen to the rest of the episode today to hear more. Yeah, I'm going to cut you off. Aaron:The idea behind this is meet together to write down some goals you have for your marriage. Jennifer:Sometimes we don't even know what it is that we want to change into or be transformed in unless we get it out of our hearts, get it out of our heads and see it on a piece of paper. You go, "Oh yeah, that's what it is. That's what I want." Aaron:These actually, they could be large goals, but something things that are practical, especially when you start talking together, you start realizing like, oh, there's some disparaging thing. Well, you have this goal and I have this goal. How can we meet in the middle? How can we figure that out? What's awesome about that is you figure that out. Jennifer:Compromising. Aaron:Yeah, compromising. Then also finding out, well, what are some large goals we have that we can write down and shoot for that might take years? What are some short term or smaller goals that we can start focusing on now? Jennifer:It sounds like more though, that's more for a couple who wants to dream together. If this whole episode is about transforming your marriage, we're talking more relational goals here. Aaron:Relationship, home life, spiritual walk goals. Goals. You can also break them up, goals for your walk with God, maybe individually and together; goals for your marriage. What do you want your marriage to look like? What do you want to represent? What do you want people to say about your marriage? What do you want to show to your kids in your marriage?Then the next one would be goals for your family. What do you want your family to look like? Represent? How do you want it to operate? For us, we've talked about this. We used to do bible time very consistently every day. A goal for us would be like, "Hey, let's get back to that consistency of doing Bible time every day throughout the week." Jennifer:Then asking each other, "What's the best time to do that?" That's where that compromise comes in of like, okay, well, for me, it'd be this time and let's work that out. I also want to just add right here that my encouragement would be, don't go list 25 ways you want your marriage to improve.Pick one or two, because you want something that you can work towards and feel good about when you're actually feeling the success of it, when you're feeling the change coming and you're making those decisions. If you overwhelm yourself with a lofty list, then your mind and heart's going to freak out because it's going to be hard. Aaron:Yeah. Some of the ways, I just want to mention one more thing. When we write these things down, you kind of said a second ago, it gets things that we may not know how to verbalize them in the moment, or they're things that just have dwelled in our hearts. Maybe those things have turned into anxiety or frustration or bitterness, because we don't see them happening, but they're also never being voiced in a real tangible way.It gives it a place to live. It makes it from this internal secret thing to a real life thing that can be looked at, evaluated, calculated, remembered, and even held accountable to, because it exists. Jennifer:Also just to add to that list, a repetition of seeing it helps you remember about it. There's so many things that we've talked about, and then it's like, once we've talked about it's gone and you forget so easily. Yet if you write it down and you see it constantly, in that repetition, you're forming that memory in your brain to be on it. Aaron:A couple of things this does for you in your marriage. If you guys plan a night to sit down, maybe it's at a date night, which is often when Jennifer and I do it, or after the kids go to bed, or in the morning after breakfast. I don't know, whatever works for you guys. You guys start getting into a habit of planning things together. Hey, we're going to do this together now. It's like, it's not just, oh, let's hang out and talk. It's a let's be specific and focused. It also gives you an opportunity to figure out life together.Now, you're building this bond of like, hey, let's talk about things that are important to us and what that looks like. The third thing is it brings accountability. Like we said, Bible time. Jennifer, you look at me, you're like, "Hey, remember we decided we're going to do bible time?" Jennifer:Oh yeah. Aaron:I'm like, "Yes." Then I stop what I'm doing because she knows that's the moment that we would do it. I sit down. Now we can help each other because we made that agreement together. We wrote these things down together. Now that bond and that commitment is all really good stuff that happens in your marriage. Jennifer:Let me ask this question, if that's all really good, especially if you're on the same page and there's unity and oneness toward working towards some of these things. Let's say you are listening right now, but Aaron, I'm posing this to you. If you're as a listener and you're thinking, okay, well me and my spouse, we're not quite there yet, and I don't know if we'll be able to have that conversation. Is it something you could do individually, separate? Aaron:Well, if ... Jennifer:For a time while the Lord's working on both of you. Aaron:Yah, maybe there's a relationship where it's not as tight and maybe that wouldn't be this season right now, they're not going to be sitting down and writing goals together. Yeah, absolutely. Again, we believe in the Holy Spirit. We believe in what God tells us. A wife or husband, if you're the one wanting to do this, I would say start, your planning and goal setting should be a regular prayer for your spouse.Lord, help me to grow in my love for them. Lord, help them transform into the man or the woman that you have made them to be. Seeing look more like these prayer goals for your spouse who maybe not be on the same page with you to be drawn into it more. Jennifer:That's good. Aaron:Yeah. Jennifer:All right. This next one, we're on number two. We're only on number two. Number two, how to transform your marriage. We're going to take it back to Sunday school. Okay, guys. It's because, if we're honest, we don't always operate this way. Aaron:No. We want others to, but we don't. Jennifer:Okay. Number two is the golden rule. Aaron:Yeah. If we can incorporate the golden rule into our marriage, into our life, oh, man. It would literally would change everything. Jennifer:You're saying. Intentionally do it like it. Well, because we do probably generally think about this at some point, but maybe not. I don't know. Aaron:The golden rule. If you don't know it, Matthew seven 12, Jesus says, "So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them for this is the law and prophets." Jennifer:Okay, so question. Do you operate in this with me? Aaron:I would say I try to on a regular basis, but I would say the times that I don't is not good. Jennifer:Yeah. That's kind of where I land. We need to be better at this. Okay. Aaron:Often, the way my kids put it, because the way they hear this is I'm going to do to them as they do to me. I'm like, "That's not what it says." Often that's what we do. We do. You did this, so I'm going to do it. Jennifer:We just mirror everybody. Aaron:Instead of breaking that cycle and saying, "Oh, I'm not going to do that thing because I wouldn't want it done to me." If we just applied this rule more regularly, if we looked at our life and said, "I'm going to commit, Lord, you helping me to do unto my wife as I would wish her to do unto me," man, it would change everything. If I treated you the way I wanted to be treated, if I don't want you to be harsh to me, then I should be gentle to you, right?I'm going to treat you. I want you to be gentle. I'm going to be gentle. If I wouldn't want you to lie to me, which I don't know anyone who would want someone to lie to them, then I shouldn't lie to you even about little things. It keeps going. If I'm going to want to be pursued by you ... Jennifer:You were going to see by someone else. Aaron:I know. I don't know why I was going to say that. If I want to be pursued by you, then I should pursue you. Jennifer:Yeah. Aaron:If I want to be encouraged, then I should be encouraging. I should encourage you as much as I would want to be encouraged by you. The point is, whether or not you do it to me, that's what I would want, so I should treat you that way. Jennifer:Galatians five 13 through 14 says, "For you're called to freedom brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love, serve one another, for the whole law is fulfilled in one word. You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Aaron:If we love each other the way we want to be loved, if I love you as myself, which in marriage you are myself, that's what the Bible teaches, we're one. I'm actually fulfilling the law and it continues on, and it says, "I would never steal from you if I love you. I would never lie to you if I love you. I would never murder you if I love you." You don't break the law. When you love someone, you're actually fulfilling all of the law in it.If we treat each other, golden rule, the way we want to be treated, there'll be so much more joy and peace and power and forgiveness in all the things that we want because we're doing it. Even if only one person's doing it, you're getting 50% more of it than you were before. Jennifer:Right. All right, moving on to number three. Should we say it together? Aaron:Okay. One, two, three. Jennifer:If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Aaron:If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. That's really funny, because it's been our whole life here, right? Jennifer:Yeah. I'm sure everybody. Aaron:My parents always saying that. We always said something not nice. Jennifer:Even still, there's times we want to speak our minds. Aaron:Often, we get angry, we're hurt, and we think that gives us the right to say angry and hurtful things to our spouse. Maybe some of you don't, but we have when we feel justified. Jennifer:I was going to say, because the things that I don't mean to hurt you or be mean, I think I'm just stating the obvious or observing something, or saying something that's true. The way that I'm saying it or ... Aaron:Well, it's the heart and the intention and then the purpose behind it is what's not nice. I was saying critiques are good, this note I put here. When they're brought constructively, so like you said ... Jennifer:Well, not in the middle of an argument. Aaron:Well, and with the purpose of constructive criticism and love, and like you said, not in the middle of I'm mad at you, and therefore, boom. Jennifer:Right. Here's another one. Aaron:We've done it and we do it. If we can practice holding our tongues, meaning being quiet, not saying the thing that comes to our top of our mind when we're in the middle of a heated argument, or we're hurt or frustrated, is so much more fruitful than just letting it out. Jennifer:This is a really big one for making transformation happen in your marriage, because you listed a practical and an action, where it is how you treat each other, but the tongue, you hear that over and over and over again. The things that you say to your spouse, they are not easily forgotten, and they bring up ... Aaron:Especially if your spouse repeats them often, because that could happen. Becoming an echo chamber, here's things that I'm going to continue to say. Sometimes it comes from a heart of I just want, and you've said this, I have to say something because I feel like if I don't, they're not going to change. They won't ... Jennifer:You won't know. Yeah. Aaron:... Deceive that thing. Jennifer:Yeah. All I'm saying is even though it's a small part of our body, our tongues are so powerful. What's that proverb where it talks about the tongue brings life or death? It builds up a home or tears it down. Aaron:He who loves it, eats it, eats up its fruit or something like that. Jennifer:Yeah. We should have put that note in here, but seriously, we could have a great day. We could be treating each other well. We could be hitting our goals, but if we don't practice self-control with our tongues, or thinking before we speak ... Aaron:Well, and to be honest, silence is often better than saying the thing that you want to say. Jennifer:Not the silent treatment, that's different. Aaron:Not the silent treatment. Yeah. Not saying silent as a weapon, but holding your tongue as a form of love. Jennifer:Being slow to speak love. Aaron:Yes, slow to speak and quick to listen is what the Bible says. There's a verse that should put some fear in us about how we talk to each other. It's in Galatians five 15. It's actually the continuation of verse you just read. It says, "But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another."This idea of are we walking in the flesh so much with each other, the way we communicate with each other, the way we talk to each other, and we're not loving our neighbors ourself, we're not loving our spouse as we love ourself, we're not doing unto others as we'd have them do unto us, that it turns into this biting and devouring of one another. Jennifer:Like a cycle of just going back and forth. Aaron:I feel like we've brought this up before, but when we are talking this way, even in an argument, we're chipping away at ourselves, because we're one. We're chipping away our teammanship, our unity, our oneness, and our love. Being quiet is so much better than letting it out. Okay, number four. Stop being easily offended. Jennifer:This was a huge one for us. We started out this list by telling you guys this list was based off of our own experience and what we walk through. Aaron:Things that we're actually trying to walk through, yeah. Jennifer:When we came to this realization that, "Hey, we're actually being really easily offended. We need to stop doing this," it was a game changer. Aaron:Really was. This is actually one of the attributes of love. Love is patient, love is kind, and then it says, "Love is not irritable or resentful." Irritable means easily frustrated, easily offended, like bothered. It's like this. It's an oversensitivity. Jennifer:You walk past me, and you've done something that I disagree with or it's frustrating, or you do something differently than how I would do it, and I just respond. I just snap. Aaron:You snap. Yeah. Jennifer:I huff under my breath and I'm just irritated by you. Aaron:A good way of looking at this is when we make people feel like they have to walk on eggshells, that old idiom that says like, oh, I have to tippy toe. If I just slightly crack that little egg over there, you're going to like freak out on me. Jennifer:Another way this happens is by, if one of us wants to share something, and we say it the wrong way, or our intention is well, and we feel like it needs to be said, but the other person is just easily offended, they can't even hear what's being said, because they're just resistant to hearing. That's happened before. Aaron:I think we become easily offended when we get stuck in a place of loving ourselves more than we love our spouse. Jennifer:That's good. Yeah. Aaron:What that means is I love myself so much that I don't want you to step on my toe, or hurt my feelings, or say something that's going to bother me, or do something that I'm embarrassed by, or anything that's going to make me feel uncomfortable or inconvenienced or you name it. Jennifer:Yeah. The question in the head goes, why aren't you doing X or Y or Z? Aaron:For me. Jennifer:For me, yeah. Aaron:You did this thing against me, and now I am feeling this way, or it comes from a place of insecurity. You're ashamed or guilty, or you feel a certain way about yourself. We take that out on our spouse. We make them want them to be at fault for how we feel. Jennifer:Like projecting our feelings. Aaron:Yeah. There could be so many other reasons for this. We're not psychologists, but ... Jennifer:I could say one thing. When you're not abiding in the word and you're not walking with Christ, our flesh gets irritated. Aaron:Easily, yeah. Jennifer:Bothered. We get selfish. We get all kinds of pride. That's just another way. Sorry, go ahead. Aaron:No, but if we truly love, we will not be irritable or resentful. Always having it out for our spouse, like, "Oh, they always are this way with me." A good place to start with this is again, going back to that, writing it down, maybe having, writing down, "Hey, we're going to work on not being easily offended," and then reminding each other in those moments of a quick irritation, a quick offense.Why'd you do that? Why'd you say that to me? Reminding each other that we're working on it? "Hey, remember, we're working on not being easily offended?" Jennifer:Yeah. Aaron:If I bothered you, let's talk about it, but let's not be easily offended, and then going back and forth. I think that's a really good place to start. Jennifer:I just want to add, if you're listening right now and there's been tension in your marriage for any reason, start here. Make this one your number one. Aaron:That's good. Jennifer:Yep. Aaron:Number five. This is going to be a hard one for some people and a really good one for some people: more romance and more sex. Jennifer:Okay, Aaron. Aaron:Okay. I could have said more intimacy. That's what I originally wrote. Then I wanted to be more specific because the wife's going to see intimacy one way and the husband's going to see it another way. Really ... Jennifer:I think we all get it though. Aaron:We need both romance and sex. We need the blessing of what both of those bring to our marriage, both the physical and the emotional. That's kind of how I categorize this. Romance is more of the emotional intimacy, that connection, and then the physical is that sex. It's the physical connection where two are becoming one and the bodies are connecting. They're both necessary, both needed, and we shouldn't do one and not the other. Jennifer:Yeah. Anytime we've intentionally focused on this area of our life and just made it kind of a focus for us, it's blessed us. It's helped us. Aaron:Always. Yeah. Jennifer:It's made our relationship feel more full. We feel more unified. We feel more connected. We feel more interested in each other. Don't you feel like that? Aaron:Well, the desire grows the more we work on these areas, the more we want them in our life. I don't know if you've noticed, but the order I put these in is for a reason. They're writing it down. You could take each one of these things and start putting these down as relational goals. Jennifer:That's good. Aaron:Then they're visible. The doing into others, so treating your spouse the way you'd want to be treated. If I want my wife to be more physical and more in interested in me in that way, then I'm going to do things that would be loving to her, massages and other types of physical intimacy that she appreciates and desires. Jennifer:I see. Not being easily offended has to be taken care of before you jump into this next one. Aaron:Exactly. Jennifer:Got it. You should have corrected me when I said you should make number three, your number one. I didn't know you put these in order like that. Aaron:Well, I did because this is actually an area where being easily offended always gets in the way. If we have easy offenses ... Jennifer:Makes it so much harder to get there. Aaron:If I'm desiring one thing, and you can't give that to me for whatever reason, you're tired, long day, sore, painful, whatever, and I'm easily offended by that, rather than loving you and being patient and it messes things up and vice versa. Yeah, I did put these in an order because they matter on some sense to work on each one of these areas in little ways. They will all benefit each other. Romance, I just wanted to pull out some ideas for this section that the ... Jennifer:You're going to give them ideas? Aaron:Emotional intimacy. It's this feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. That's the definition, in search of romance. It's a quality or a feeling of mystery, excitement, a remoteness from everyday life. Jennifer:I like that. It's cool. Aaron:It doesn't have to be this big extravagant thing. How can you just make the moment with your spouse special? Jennifer:Special. Yeah. Aaron:Different. Take them away from that ordinary just for a moment. That could be a going on a walk. It could be bringing something home that's like, "Hey, I thought about you today." That's an excitement. You actually like that when I, like a simple thing, I call you up and I say, "Do you want an iced tea?" Jennifer:I love it. That's awesome. Aaron:You're like, "Oh," awesome because that's out of the ordinary. I'm not always grabbing an iced tea, but you felt thought of. Then you get a special treat out of it. It kind of breaks up the day. Jennifer:I do love that so much, and it makes me feel so good to feel thought of in a special way that you know me, that you know what I would like, and it just affirms my heart and my love, and makes me feel like you're thinking of me, which is good. It's good for us to recognize those times that our spouse goes out of the box. Aaron:Goes out of their way to ... Jennifer:Go out of their way to ... Aaron:To try these things. Try be more romantic and exciting and different. Jennifer:When they do it to affirm them and use your words and say, "I really appreciated that," or, "I really love that." The more we affirm each other in those ways of being that we want to see more of, they'll continue to happen. Aaron:Yeah. Jordan Peterson as a quote says, "Don't ever punish behavior you want repeated." Even if I don't follow through with or do something in the way that you might want, there's been times I've brought you iced tea that you don't like, because you have a taste for certain types of teas, but I didn't know that. Then I learned it. You could have taken the opportunity to punish me for and be like, "This is what you got me. I hate this." Jennifer:Oh, got you. Aaron:You could be like, "What? This was so thoughtful. Just for future, this isn't my favorite tea, but I'm so happy that you did that for me." Jennifer:I think that's what I did. Aaron:That's what you did. I thought, oh, thank you. I didn't know that, because I actually didn't. Now when I get you tea or do something, I think, oh, where would she like me to get tea? Jennifer:That's awesome. Aaron:It also has taught me to ask you for future, "Hey, where's your favorite place to get this?" Jennifer:It's like a get to know me. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Aaron:Don't punish those behaviors you want repeated, even if it doesn't happen the way you want, the way you expect, but affirm it and encourage it, so that it happens more from your spouse on both sides. Jennifer:I like that you kind of broke romance and physical intimacy into separate kind of categories here, because romance is so much more of that connectedness and ... Aaron:That emotional connection. Jennifer:It's so important. It's an important part of marriage, but so is physical intimacy. I think it's really important for us to remember that our spouses need us. It's weird that I put that in the plural, just ... Aaron:Our spouses. Jennifer:Our spouse needs us and we have needs. Being there for one another and being willing to make the effort and put our hearts and our minds toward that is ... Aaron:Oh, we're talking about the physical side now. Jennifer:Yeah, yeah. In the physical, just as much as the romance are connected side of things. Aaron:Yeah. I wanted to bring up on the physical side of things, because I know that this is a huge area of struggle in a lot of marriages. It was a huge one for us for many years. It's only been in the last handful of years that it's been getting so much better. We've been growing and getting excited about these things and praying about it more. First and foremost, it's a powerful gift. Physical intimacy, sex is a powerful gift from God given to husbands and wives. It really is.We have to change our minds about that. Talking about transformation, we need our minds changed for true transformation to happen. If we can change our mind that sex is a good thing, because I know many people see sex as a bad thing, or a hurtful thing, or something that they don't enjoy. Jennifer:Stressful thing. Aaron:Yeah. It can be all of those things. If we start reminding ourselves and thinking, no, this is a good thing. This is a gift, that'll change a lot of things. Also, it's a command. First Corinthians seven, three, the husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. On both sides, it doesn't just say the wife to her husband only, as if every situation is always, the husband needs it more than the wife, because that's not true. There's some situations where it's totally different with the wife and the husband, but it says to both.In other places, it says that her body is not her own. It is yours. Your body is not your own, it is hers. Just reiterating this, the power and the truth behind your oneness. You are one body and you cannot control it and use it and as a weapon. Not only is it a gift, but it's also a command. There's some actual really awesome benefits to sex.If you didn't know this, it helps relieve stress and anxiety. I know sex might gift some people anxiety, and I pray for you that you would, like we said, have a transformation in your mind about this. It does biologically relieve stress and anxiety. The hormones that get released in your body do that. Jennifer:It also helps your immune system. Aaron:It does. Those same hormones that help with relieving stress and anxiety helps boost your immune system. Also, when you have less cortisol in your body, that's the stress hormone, you get sick less because cortisol can actually make you, it weakens your immune system. It helps your immune system. It also brings pleasure and excitement. That's just such a good thing. Jennifer:Joy, yeah. Aaron:We need that in our marriage. We need that connection and that pleasure more. Most importantly, sex reinforces closeness and oneness. Jennifer:Yeah. Speaking of oneness, you brought up earlier, just briefly not using sex as a tool or a weapon, and then you kind of just kept on going. I just want to go back to that really quick. I think sometimes, we don't even realize when we are withholding our bodies from each other because of being easily offended, or thinking that they're not thinking of us. Aaron:Well, they haven't given me what I want yet. Jennifer:There is a list of things that could possibly motivate someone to kind of close themselves off and be guarded. When you say weaponize, and you say using your body as a tool, that's what you're talking about, right? Yeah. Aaron:If you use it in a negative way, it becomes a weapon. Jennifer:It also becomes a roadblock to moving forward, to experience reconciliation and connectedness. Aaron:This is not the kind of transformation we want when we do this, but when we are more free with each other and open with each other in this way. It's good. Now, that doesn't mean that there shouldn't be any times that you're like, "Hey, can we forego tonight?" Jennifer:Yeah. Aaron:Again, that goes back to the communication, and that goes back to goal setting together and also ... Jennifer:Considering one another. Aaron:Yeah, considering one another, treating each other as we'd like to be treated. Again, there's an order. Okay. Jennifer:What's next in your order, Aaron? Aaron:Invest in your marriage. Okay. I think this sounds obvious, but ... Jennifer:How much money do you have to ... Aaron:Exactly. Well, just having it's almost like if you were to invest in your education, invest in this business, taking one of the most important things in your entire life, and are we ... Jennifer:You're elevating it. Aaron:Are we investing in it? Jennifer:You're saying this is a priority. This is what I'm going to put my effort and my energy and my resources and everything I've got towards, because this matters. Aaron:Investment means I'm going to spend time and money and energy. I'm going to invest. When you invest in your marriage, you're going to get some of the greatest returns you can ever think of. Jennifer:Generational. Aaron:Yeah. You're going to get returns for a long time with your children, because they're going to look back on your marriage and be like, "Wow, my parents, they invested in each other. They loved each other. They weren't perfect, but man, they tried hard." Jennifer:Because of that kind of example, when they get married, they will have the same fortitude and excitement around investing in their marriage. Aaron:At least that's the goal, right? Jennifer:Yeah. Aaron:I want my kids to have the same desire. Jennifer:What are some ways we can invest? Aaron:Something we did a long time ago when we were going through some of our hardships, actually, wasn't it right at that end point of things changing for us? Jennifer:Yeah. Aaron:We went to a marriage retreat, and there's marriage retreats all over the country. Jennifer:We went to Family Lives Weekend to Remember ... Aaron:Which are awesome. Jennifer:It was actually really cool, because we kind of rededicated our marriage, and our purpose, and everything that we had been walking through just submitted it to God and said, "We're going to keep going." Aaron:You could try Weekend to Remember. That's a family life event. That's a good one. There might be one going on at your church and you don't even know about it. Just look at if you have a pamphlet or a website, or you can Google it. There's a lot of, we'd suggest a Christian marriage retreat, but marriage retreats, that's one really good way to invest in your marriage. What's another one? Jennifer:Reading books together or individually, and just kind of sifting through the notes. Aaron:Talking about them. Jennifer:Talking about them, but there are a lot of marriage books out there. Aaron:Yeah. Do we know any marriage books specifically? Jennifer:No, actually. Marriage After God is one that I would recommend. We have a couple of marriage books if you want to look on our store. Aaron:A few more than a couple, but ... Jennifer:Some devotionals, some prayer books that you guys could do together, which is awesome. Aaron:You can go to shop.marriageaftergod.com to look at everything we have to offer. Jennifer:There's a lot of other good books too, Meeting a Marriage, See Through Marriage, by [inaudible 00:41:35]. Aaron:Sacred Marriage was a really good one. Jennifer:By Gary Thomas. Aaron:Get into books. If you're like me, I like audiobooks. I can consume them quicker, I can also retain them better. Jennifer:I am not an audio person. I have to have the tangible, I can't even do digital. I have to have the book that I can curl the pages back. Aaron:I know. I love something to read too, but also this creates another thing to talk about and to share with each other in growing your marriage, so you're not just investing in what you're consuming, but also what you're discussing with each other. Gives you things to talk about also, which is really good. Regularly planned date nights. Jennifer:Or even double date nights. Go out with another couple, and you'll notice you guys can start talking about marriage. All of a sudden, you don't feel so alone in some of the things you're wrestling in, because ... Aaron:I think we've brought this up in 80 episodes, talking about date night. We say it so often because it's something that we dedicated it to several years ago, how many? Maybe five or six years ago? Jennifer:It was after we had Wyatt, Oliver Wyatt. Aaron:We realized there was a while that had gone by and we're like, "Man, when's the last time we went on a date with each other?" We just put it on the calendar every week, and we figure out a babysitter, and we planned it. Now, that didn't mean we went every week, but just the fact that it was on the calendar, again, the fact that we wrote it down, meant it happened way more often than it would've if we didn't.Investing in that way. Since this is under investing in your marriage, we've talked about in the past that it doesn't have to be something where you go out or spend money. I would say make this an intentional investment of I want to go do something special, even if it's not every time. Jennifer:Catch each other by surprise. Aaron:Yeah. Set a reservation at a restaurant you guys don't go to often. Go throw axes at your local ax throwing place if you have one. Jennifer:Get fast food and go do an activity like some, I don't know, ride bikes or something. Aaron:Invest in a way that's different than normal, if you can. Maybe you have to save for it a little bit, and that's okay. That actually makes it more special. Jennifer:Another way that you can invest in your marriage is find out if your church has a marriage group. Something that really, really affected our marriage in a positive way was the church. Aaron:Probably, I think we often attributed it to saving our marriage. Jennifer:Yeah. We were going to a church back in, I think this is our third year of marriage? We were in California, and they had a marriage group. You came to me and you were like, "Hey, we're going to go. It's on Wednesday night." Aaron:It was terrifying. Jennifer:You need to be there. You need to show up. That was a really dark time for me, and I was resistant toward going and didn't want to do it, but you encouraged us and said, "This is what we need to try." We showed up, and it was scary. There was a lot of people there. When we sat at the table and we started hearing the marriage stories coming up, it was actually really beautiful. Aaron:Yeah. Jennifer:Very eye-opening and it had a lot of purpose. You just got to do it. If your church has one, go for it. Aaron:If they don't have one ... Jennifer:Go find one. Aaron:... You should ask them to start one. Jennifer:Yeah. Aaron:You never know. There might be 20 other couples that have asked, and they'll finally be like, "Oh, we should start a marriage ministry." Jennifer:Number seven is, is this the last one? Aaron:This is the last one. Jennifer:See your spouse and yourself through Christ's eyes. I mentioned this in a previous episode, I think one or two back. It's really important that we are able to do this. The only way we can do it is if we know Christ. Aaron:Yeah. It also, again, this changes everything. Going back to what you talked about earlier also of what if there's a couple that aren't on the same page? Maybe one's not a believer. Maybe they're going through some really hard things and it's hard to connect. When we can look at our spouse through Christ and say, "Wow, okay, Lord," like we talked about, I think an episode or two ago about them having a brotherly love, a sisterly love, of seeing them in that way. Maybe it doesn't feel like they're my spouse right now because of this or that, because of this pain, because of that hurt.Man, I'm going to try and see them the way Christ does. I'm going to try and love them the way Christ loves them, and stop looking at them from an earthly fleshly point of view of all of the things that you did wrong. Jennifer:Critical. Aaron:All of the things that need to change. Jennifer:I feel like when you look through Christ's eyes, there's like this lens of grace that you could just see not who they are in their sin, but who they are because of the blood of Christ, and what he's done, and become a a new creation in him, and to hope for transformation in their life. Aaron:Yeah. Here's what it says in two Corinthians five 16 through 19. It says, "From now on, therefore we regard no one according to the flesh." This is essentially what we're talking about here. Let's stop regarding each other according to flesh, and let's start regarding each other according to the Spirit, according to what Christ did and who Christ is. Then it says, "Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold the new has come."All this is from God, who through Christ, reconciled us to himself, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. That is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Instead of seeing only the flesh, only the sin and the mistakes, and the shortcomings, and the frustrations, and the hurts, we see the one who Christ died for. We see the one Christ shed his blood for. We see the one Christ as reconciling to the Father through his life, death, and resurrection. Jennifer:In our, it's 16 years, right? Aaron:Yeah. Jennifer:16 years of marriage. Aaron:We just had that. Jennifer:There have been many times that we've had to intentionally see each other through Christ's eyes, because it's not something we tend to do on a daily basis, although we should, right? Aaron:Yeah. It's usually in those really hard times that we're like, ugh. Jennifer:Then everything just kind of falls flat on the floor and you're like, "Well, grace." That's what he is given to us. Aaron:In our testimony that you share in the Unbuild Wife book, that's essentially what happened. We were on the verge of just being done, calling it quits. I felt the Lord telling me, "Are you going to forgive your wife? Are you going to love her as I did?" He just reminded me of who he is.It made it impossible for me to, because I was either going to say, "No, I'm not going to look at her like that, and I'm over it," or I was going to say, "No, Lord, I love you and I'm going to try and see her that way." Jennifer:Yeah. Some of you listening right now, I just want to encourage you, you may be in a place where you need to pray and ask God to give you those eyes to see through Christ's lens. You might need to pray for that because ... Aaron:We have to. Jennifer:We have to. Aaron:I would say, because I can't do it without him. Jennifer:Yeah. We can't do it in our flesh. Yeah, all of us listening right now, we need to do that. Then I just wanted to ... we kind of summed up all the important stuff, right? Aaron:Yeah. Jennifer:I can move on. Aaron:You can. Jennifer:You guys know if you've been listening for a long time, I bring up memes from time to time, and I get stuck on social media in that way. I love those transformation videos where they show you the reel of pictures, where it's like, "This is who I was, but this is who I am." Aaron:Yeah, they're really powerful. Jennifer:A really huge weight change. That's what I'm thinking of right now is just like ... Aaron:Well, we've even seen ones of people that are being changed because of Christ, and they had how they were before, this party, and then all of a sudden, they're totally different. You're like, "Whoa." Jennifer:Yeah. The ones that I'm thinking of specifically are the weight ones and just how dramatic it is. They'll usually show bits and pieces of what it took to get there. Aaron:The progress. Jennifer:The progress, the working out. It just moves me, because I think you don't just get to be transformed. You have to be willing to put in the work. I just wanted to remind all of us that change can happen in us, like you mentioned earlier, through being passive and allowing influences in our life that change us, but we're not going to say that's for the positive. Aaron:Rarely. Jennifer:Rarely it is. Aaron:Accidentally change for the positive. Jennifer:Yeah. The powerful transformation that we are all eager to see in our lives and in our marriages comes from putting in the time, putting in the work, putting in the energy. It's being selfless, it's being sacrificial. It requires much, just like someone going through a weight loss journey and having to do muscle toning. You know that they did everything that they possibly could to get there. Aaron:Yeah. Well, the Lord puts it this way. We got to put to death our flesh. That's essentially what this process is putting behind us our flesh, and designing to walk in his spirit. The things that we brought up in this episode were hopefully just some practical things, but some things that we can actually do and try to do. We hope you enjoyed those. This is the last episode of this month. Jennifer:The last week of the month, where we're talking about this specific growth spurt. Is that what you're going to say? Aaron:Yes. Jennifer:This section of the podcast, we want to encourage you guys to take time to invest, like Aaron mentioned earlier ... Aaron:Write down. Jennifer:... In a personal way. Basically, this one covers everything. No. The goal here is to build trust with your spouse by doing what you say you will. Whatever commitments you've made, we want you to stick to them so that this is our encouragement. The way that we are encouraging that is by taking a post-it note, or a sheet of paper, or a three by five card, and just start with one.If you have more on there, that's great, but you still got a week left to do this. If you want to keep doing this past January, keep doing it. It's just one way that you can experience a maturity and transformation in your marriage. Aaron:Mine is, like I said ... Jennifer:Oh, yeah, we were going to talk about it. Aaron:... Mine's supposed to be in bed by nine. Jennifer:Look, the effort was there, and I just want to let it ... Aaron:It was on the refrigerator, and I even mentioned because we thought this was only going to take us 30 minutes to record. We're wrong. It's 10:19, and so I'm going to forgive myself today, and I'm going to try and be in bed by nine tomorrow. Jennifer:You've been doing great. I put on mine affirm the kids, and it's because as a mom and homeschooling, they're in the home all the time. They're with me all the time. I do a lot of correction and critique, and helping them in their life. Aaron:Yeah, mature. Jennifer:Figuring what mature and what's right and stuff. I just wanted to make sure that I was affirming them. It's like, I don't know. I don't know how things have been, so I just wanted to make sure that I was doing that. I put on mine, affirm the kids, and so I've been doing that. It's actually been really beautiful. I love seeing their eyes light up. It just feels good. Aaron:All right. I'm going to pray. Dear Lord, thank you for the change we have already experienced in marriage. We pray we would continue to see positive transformation on our relationship. We pray for more love, more peace, and more joy. Please help us to be intentional in the way we choose to interact in marriage every day. Holy Spirit, we ask you to help us to not be easily offended by each other. Show us areas of our marriage we can invest in and put the time and energy into making what we have even better.Please help us to see each other as you see us, and help us to hope for the change we desire to see. Thank you for our marriage, and thank you for the opportunities you've given us to make changes in our lives. We pray our marriages continue to mature and that it honors you. In Jesus' name, amen.    

This episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team, who have chosen to help financially support this show monthly. Here is a shout-out to some of our most recent patrons. Deborah SWhitney SValerie BWe thank you so much for partnering with us in blessing 10's of thousands of couples with free daily prayer emails and this weekly podcast.If you have been blessed by free marriage after god content, we'd love to invite you to join our patron team. Also, if you choose to sign up at $20/month you can get a $50 gift card to our online store to purchase any of our books and resources. Please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron Dear Lord, Thank you for today. Thank you for speaking to us about the importance of sticking to our word. We desire to have integrity and we desire to be trustworthy. Please help us walk in righteousness, to do the things we say we are going to do, to love others by sticking to commitments made. We ask You to transform this part of us. Give us eyes to truly see how our inconsistencies, our discrepancies, and our failure to do what we say hurts people, especially our spouse. We pray we would be a light wherever we go and honor you by doing what we say we are going to do. In Jesus' name AMEN! 

There is a spiritual truth that goes like this: what we feed will be nourished, what we sow, we will reap, what we pursue, we will find, what we water will grow.…BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DON'T?The opposite is a spiritual truth as well. Stop watering something, and it will eventually die. Stop feeding, and it will diminish. If we don't sow, there won't be anything to reap. If we never seek, we will never find.Our focus today is to examine these truths, hitting home the importance of continual spiritual and relational maintenance.  Today's episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team who have chosen to help financially support this show monthly. Here is a shout-out to some of our most recent patrons. Freddy SPierre H Shelly BTracy PWe thank you so much for choosing to partner with us in blessing 10's of thousands of couples with free daily prayer emails and this weekly podcast.If you have been blessed by free marriage after god content, we'd love to invite you to join our patron team. Also, if you chose to sign up at $20/month you can get a $50 gift card to our online store on your first renewal! Please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron

January 6th, 2023, will be our 16th Wedding Anniversary. And with that, we wanted to share 16 of the best pieces of marriage advice and marriage tips we have learned along the way. These pieces of marriage advice have revolutionized our marriage in many ways, and some of them even played a large part in saving our marriage from divorce.Please let us know which piece of advice was your favorite by leaving us a podcast review. A summary of our marriage tips.Pray, A lot!Most likely, you are the one who is wrong.We are finite, limited creatures.Take the next right stepYou and your spouse are on the same teamYour spouse is your type.We are both sinners, and we both need JesusThe Gospel heals allNever talk badly about your spouse in front of others, especially to family. They don't forgetYou and your spouse are on the inside, and everyone else is on the outside. (boundaries0Have fun MORE with each other.Schedule a consistent date night.Have close married friendsNever stop learning about your spouseLearn to forgive quicklyHave children together or adopt!PRAYER FOR YOUR MARRIAGEDear Lord, Thank You for our marriage. Thank You for the opportunities you give us every day to love each other well. We pray we would be wise couples who cling to truth. We pray we would listen to sound marriage advice and apply it. We pray you would continue to mature us and shape our marriage relationship. Increase our ability to love and be known by each other. When fear or doubt creeps into our minds, we pray Your truth will cover us with peace. Please use our marriage to bless each other and use us as a team to bring you glory as we support and encourage other marriages around us.In Jesus' name AMEN! READ TRANSCRIPTJennifer (00:09):Hi, and welcome to the Marriage After God podcast. Aaron (00:12):We're your hosts Aaron Jennifer Smith. Jennifer (00:13):We have been married 15 years and have five sweet children who are growing up way too fast. Aaron (00:18):We love God and we love marriage, Jennifer (00:20):And we love to be honest about it Aaron (00:21):All. Marriage is not always a walk in the park, but we do believe it has a powerful purpose. So Jennifer (00:26):Our goal here is to open up the conversation to talk about our faith and our marriage, Aaron (00:30):Especially in light of the gospel. Jennifer (00:32):We certainly don't have all the answers, but if you stick around, we may just make you Aaron (00:35):Laugh. But our hope is to encourage you to chase boldly after God's purpose for your life together. Jennifer (00:39):This is after God. Aaron (00:47):Hey everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Marriage After God podcast. I'm Aaron Smith. I'm Jennifer (00:52):Jennifer . I'm Jennifer. Aaron (00:55):I'm Jennifer (00:56):Jennifer. I'm Jennifer. Now. I don't know what my regular is at calling. I'm Jennifer. Aaron (01:01):And we're back for another episode. Episode 12. This is the last episode of season six. Jennifer (01:05):We made it Aaron (01:08):Thinking Made what? . Well, it's not Jennifer (01:10):Easy. This is a big deal for Aaron and I jumping back into podcasting. But we love it and we were already starting to talk about what's up for next season, which will come out early spring. Aaron (01:21):And I'm always like, babe, I wanna get all new equipment. I want to redo our push. She's like, the content's more important. I'm like, . You're right. It's Jennifer (01:28):True though. They're all agreeing with me right now. They are. Okay. So in today's episode, we are going to share our top 10, just kidding, 16 bits of advice we have learned over the 16 years we've been married. Aaron (01:42):One, I did one for each Jennifer (01:43):Year. No, it's great. Okay. It makes sense. I don't know why I said 10. I think it's Cuz most things are like a top 10 Yeah. Thing. But Aaron (01:51):This is 16. It's even, it's six better, Jennifer (01:54):Yeah. Aaron (01:54):16 years. Jennifer (01:55):I think I added one at the bottom. So maybe 17.  Aaron (01:59): a bonus. Jennifer (02:00):It's really how to do all of them. Okay. You'll see. Okay. But before we do that, we must give you our sponsor update. So Aaron and I have written many books, Marriage Resources for You, actually, not even just marriage prayer resources for your son and daughter, for your husband and wife. We have devotionals. We Aaron (02:25):Are praying for your future husband and future wife, Jennifer (02:28):For anyone listening that might Aaron (02:29):Be engaged or know someone engaged. Jennifer (02:32):We also have some traditionally published books, including The Unveiled Wife, which is the beginning of our marriage story and what God walked us through and marriage after God, which is all about your purpose for your marriage. And the reason I'm telling you all of this is because 2023 is right around the corner. And some people like to start off with a bang and start off with something in their hands to encourage them every day to grow closer to God or grow close, closer to their spouse or to their children. And start off the new year. Right? Start off the new year with something tangible to encourage and inspire and move you forward. Right? So move you forward. Move you forward. No, I said it right. So yeah, I just wanted to let you guys know that there are a handful of resources out there for you, from us. Aaron, why don't you tell them where they can get them. Aaron (03:23):You can go to shop dot marriage after god.com and you can get all those books that we wrote. These books. Because when we started this ministry started this business, our thought was we didn't want to just create any old product, something to support ourselves. We wanted to actually produce something Jennifer (03:39):That met a need Aaron (03:40):That and was meaningful and transformative and purposeful. And that's what we did with these books is we wanted to inspire your prayer life. We wanted to get you into a daily devotional. And we used marriage for the most part as the focus of all that to draw you closer to God and to your spouse. And so if you wanna support this ministry, if you wanna support this podcast go pick up a book and tell someone about it. If you already have our books, we just wanna say thank you because you've there. There's so many people that have gotten our books and have told us what they've meant to them. And we just wanna thank you for that. So if you already do have the book or one of our books, get another one of our books maybe. Or tell someone about 'em a big way to support the ministry as well, Jennifer (04:23):Or to go another step grab husband and wife after God and tell another couple to get husband and wife after God or get it for them. And then you guys go through it together. And then once a week or once every other week, talk about it. We've Aaron (04:38):Actually had a lot of marriages start small home groups with our devotionals. And I think that would be an amazing thing to do. Last episode, we talked a lot about getting close with other believers, getting in community. This is a great way to start that. Yeah. Jennifer (04:54):Because you have a purpose. You have something to work with. To align Aaron (04:57):With. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that was it. Topic today, 16, Jennifer (05:03):Moving right along Aaron (05:04):16 years and 16 little bits of advice. Jennifer (05:10):Although when I was going through this list that we've made there was one that came very early on in the marriage that you did not put on here. It's the one that stands out to me. Should we one of these? No, I don't wanna replace any of 'em because it's kind of funny doesn't, not real advice, but maybe it is for some. Oh, what is Aaron (05:27):It? Just, we'll start off with this. Jennifer (05:29):It was a newlywed piece of advice. Someone says to us, if you're going to fight naked, oh yeah. Do you remember that? Yes. Somebody really told us this. And Aaron (05:39):We've had many fights. , naked. I was going to say it. You, Jennifer (05:44):You're like, don't do it. But is it too much to say that there was a time in the beginning of our marriage where it became a joke? It was a joke. I Aaron (05:53):Know. It was also serious. So whoever came up with that advice, didn't know how stubborn someone could be. It didn't matter how naked you are, you could be holding on. You're like, no. Okay. Not Jennifer (06:05):Giving in. Anyways. Hopefully some of you are Aaron (06:07):Fight naked. Yeah, right now. That's the only advice we got for all of our 16 years. Jennifer (06:15):It's not what it's It's brought us this far. Aaron (06:16):It's brought us this far. Guys, . Jennifer (06:19):All right. On a serious note coming in. Oh yep. Coming in at number one, Aaron (06:25): number one. And if you have been following us for any length of time, you should know this one. And the first tip, it is Jennifer (06:35):The most important one. Aaron (06:37):It is the most important Jennifer (06:38):One. Aaron (06:39):Now I beg, should we have put it at the end? Nope. Nope. We're going to just start right off with it. Pray Jennifer (06:45):A lot, A lot. Exclamation mark. Aaron (06:48):Yeah. This is not like, thank you Lord for the food, which you should pray for your food. You should thank Lord for your food. I'm saying pray for everything. It should be so common in your marriage that it is not an awkward, weird thing for you. Would you agree? Jennifer (07:02):Yeah, of course. We have friends of ours who they live outta state, not in our state. And whenever we are in conversation with them, they talk about how they in that week we're knelt down on the floor, face down, crying before the Lord in prayer for each other or for their family. And they had a lot of challenges with just their family and they went through a lot of adoption and stuff with their kids. That was just hard. But I was always encouraged when I heard that their response to it all is prayer, was not just prayer, but they're on their knees, they're face down, praying to the Lord, plea petitioning for his help and support. And then they'd have these wild stories of how God spoke to them or used someone else to encourage them or sent something that they needed and covered things. And it was just, I don't know why that just came to my mind and really inspired me. So I wanted to share Aaron (08:02):It and not just praying when it's hard. I think that's often where we end up in prayer is we're in a hard thing. But pray for everything. Pray with your kids for the good things. Be vocal in front of your wife and in front of your spouse about the things that are on your heart before the Lord. Some notes I have here is regularly going before God with your spouse, for your spouse helps grow you and your spouse. You get to communicate with each other to God. And something that's really neat about that is when you're pla praying out loud, often your spouse gets to hear things that are in inside your heart that have not come out yet. Things that you're concerned about, things that you care about, things that you wanna lift to the Lord. Jennifer (08:54):So there's a revealing, a knowing, proc Aaron (08:57):It. It's exactly what it is. The Bible talks a lot about this being known by God or rather or says knowing God or rather being known by God. It's a powerful thing. So when you're doing this with your spouse, it adds a immensely deep spiritual layer to the knowledge you have of your spouse and with your spouse. Jennifer (09:18):And the more consistent you do it, the easier it becomes. And I just wanted say that because I think sometimes our flesh gets in the way or it feels uncomfortable to pray together. But the more you practice, the more you do, the easier it does become. And I was just thinking as we were talking about prayer, I was thinking about Edie lately. She's just been jumping on the tail end of anyone's prayer. Thank you God for everything. Aaron (09:41):Yeah. She wants to pray every time. And I love it. So prayer, pray a lot make it easier. And I don't wanna put another ad, but I'm one of the reasons we wrote 31 prayers for my Husband through one prayers for my wife is to help in this area, is to be a catalyst and inspiration for your prayer life. To inspire the types of things that you could, should be desired to be praying about. Which Jennifer (10:04):I really like. I really like the subtitle for those books. It's seeing God move in his heart, seeing God move in her heart. Aaron (10:11):Because you're intentionally looking for God to move. You're like, okay, God, which I love. Yeah, I love that. What's number two? Jennifer (10:17):Number two, Aaron (10:18):Tip two, advice two, little snippet. Jennifer (10:21):Most likely always no . Most likely you are the one who is wrong. Aaron (10:27):Okay, let me reiterate that. So this only goes for those that are listening. Most likely you are the one who is wrong. Okay. Ouch. Think about it. But both of you're looking at each other right now. No, I'm talking to you when you fight, when you're in an argument whether or not you think you're Jennifer (10:48):Right. Okay. Even if it's not a fight or an argument, maybe it's a way of doing something like loading the dishwasher. Aaron (10:54):No, don't throw Jennifer (10:56):That in. No, no. I'm just saying cuz it's funny because Aaron (10:58):Usually I'm right when it comes to the Jennifer (11:00):Dishwasher. Aaron thinks I lo the dishwasher wrong and he comes behind me and fixes it. But I'm being completely honest, I'm not, what I'm saying is Aaron (11:06):I'm being completely honest. That's an objective thing I can bring, bring someone in and we'll evaluate or ways of, I'm Jennifer (11:12):Just kidding. I'm just saying it's not always a fighter an argument. Sometimes it's just a way of being or a thought pattern or a habit. You Aaron (11:18):Know what I mean? Yeah. The advice is specifically in a fight or an argument when there's strife. Strife, yeah. When you're walking in strife, it doesn't even matter if you are right. We're called not to walk in strife. Strife is a flesh response. Jennifer (11:35):We're called to be peacemakers. Aaron (11:36):It's sin. So I often, Jennifer and I will be, if we're having a disagreement and I could just feel the Holy Spirit telling me, why are you fighting? Why are you disagree? Why are you filled? Why are you all browed up, Aaron? And I'm like, I'm wrong. I'm wrong. Jennifer (11:55):Then why does it take you so long to tell me that ? I don't know, Jennifer. I don't know. Aaron (12:01):But most likely you're the wrong one who's wrong? And here's the benefit of knowing this. If you both think this man, there'll be much less fights. And if there is a argument, it'll be way shorter. Cuz it'll be so much quicker to be like, Hey, I'm so sorry. I'm wrong. Which is a pretty good way to diffuse any bite. True. I'm wrong. Yeah. That's what I've been trying to say, Jennifer (12:26):. All right. Number three, we are finite limited creatures. Yes we are. Aaron (12:31):We did a podcast about this, I think in season one. Jennifer (12:35):I think we've hit it in every season actually in different ways Aaron (12:38):Because it matters. We forget so quickly how incapable we are of doing everything we want to do. Jennifer, do you have 50 things currently always running through you? The list of your mind always that you wanna do right now? Yes. That you can't do? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Always. We're finite. And the reason this is a good bit of advice for you in your marriage is twofold. If you wife or husband, I'm not going to say who more regularly. They're Jennifer (13:07):Both wrong. So Aaron (13:08):Yeah, they're both wrong than better. Have this list of things that you want to do. It doesn't matter what they are. And you don't realize that you can't possibly do all of it either right now or in the near fu future, but yet you pursue 'em. You're going to push your family and your spouse burnout in a way that's unhealthy and impossible to deal with. Jennifer (13:34):And then you will also meet the devastating effect of unmet expectation and disappointment Aaron (13:44):Every time. But if you recognize, so a piece of advice that gets attached to this device is if you want something, let's say you wanna learn a new skill. I want to play guitar. Jennifer, you want, you're learning guitar Jennifer (13:58):When you get a chance, I want to learn guitar. It's one of the things on the list. Aaron (14:02):It's going to take a sacrifice somewhere else because you can't do that. And everything else you have on your list currently. Jennifer (14:08):That's true. Aaron (14:09):Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. And that doesn't mean there's not something on your list that you should get rid of . Because often we fill our time with things that we want to be doing. So if there is something that we wanna do, if there's something that you wanna do with your spouse, then you gotta be real. And you gotta evaluate the things that you're currently doing, the things that you currently fill your time with. And you gotta pick and choose. And that's just a reality is you're a finite limited creature that if you wanna do something over here, then something over there has to give. Yeah. And that's just the reality of Jennifer (14:42):Life. I watched something and they were talking about how we have all these things that we wanna do and because it's our desire to do them, we do pieces of them here, here, but then we start, we'll never do anything. But we never actually do the things that we want. We never, same thing. It's never completed or brought to, there's no closure in it because we didn't ever do it fully. We just did a piece of it. And then we run ourselves into the ground and we're tired and emotionally spent because we're trying to do a million things at once. And the encouragement was if there's something that you can do everything, maybe not. So just do one everything time as long as you do one thing at a time. And so take the first thing that you really wanna accomplish and just focus on that one thing until it's done. And so maybe that also will help bring perspective into this. Aaron (15:31):Yeah. Jennifer (15:32):Point. Good. Yeah. Aaron (15:34):Okay, number four, tip number four. Something that we learned and currently still have to learn all the time. It's Jennifer (15:41):Like an everyday thing. Aaron (15:42):Take the next right step. And what that means is we make a mistake. We said the wrong thing again, we dropped the ball in this area of our marriage, whatever it is, you fill in the blank, you mistepped, right? There's lots of things, what the enemy wants to do, what our flesh wants to do. Sometimes what our spouse says even is like, well you're never going to change. You're just never, you're always going to be at the same. This is who you are. Jennifer (16:17):Or shut down or run away. Aaron (16:20):And instead of doing the next right thing, we do another wrong thing. And the advice is when we fall, we stand up and we say, okay, I may not be able to take back that thing that I just did that misstep, but I can at least try and take the next right step. And what it does is it, it's how the believers believers should walk is that we just keep moving forward. Jennifer (16:49):Is that next right step? Even if we know that it's right, going to feel hard. Aaron (16:54):Yes. Yeah. Cuz sometimes we have some pretty serious consequences to decisions we make, but we don't want, back when I used to be addicted to certain things and had certain sin habits, one thing would happen and I say, well, I might as well do the next thing because I did that one thing and I convinced myself that I should just keep going. That's taking the next wrong step. Jennifer (17:21):Justification for Aaron (17:23):What you do to continuing and sin. So the point is the advice. Don't take that thing you did wrong and make it as an excuse to do another wrong thing. Jennifer (17:33):So how do you filter through your choices and say, okay, this is the next right step. Aaron (17:39):So let's say I lied to you, which I don't, but let's say I did. I don't lie again. I say, okay, I lied. I can't take the lie back. I can reveal that I lied. That's the next right thing. I can repent of that lie. That's the next right thing. I can let my wife know that I'm going to not lie to her again. That's the next right thing. I'm going to continue to pray about why I lied and what led me to that lie. That's the next right thing. But not saying something, that's not the next right thing. That's the next wrong thing. Trying to cover it up. That's the next wrong thing. Trying to justify it. That's the next wrong thing. Trying to minimize it. That's the next wrong thing. So just doing the next right thing, even no matter how hard. Jennifer (18:25):So I feel like you kind of simplified a very intense internal dialogue that one would have after sinning. And so I guess to back it up even further, what place spiritually does a person need to be in to even fill those convictions or understand that process of thought of how you just went through it? Aaron (18:45):I don't know. Jennifer (18:46):Because isn't that the most important thing? I think that to know what the right step is, Aaron (18:50):Well being in the word of God and listening to the Holy Spirit and feeling that conviction from the Lord and just not compounding the wrong things. Because we're going to make mistakes and just know that we're going to make mistakes. But let's not want to make more mistakes because we made right mistakes. Jennifer (19:10):And allow yourself to enter into that place where you're having a conversation with yourself. Oh man, I just messed up. This is the trajectory I wanna go. This is how to get there instead of avoiding that whole thing because it feels hard. Yeah. Yeah. Aaron (19:26):What's piece of advice? Number five? Jennifer (19:28):Number five, you and your spouse are on the same team. This is a good one. And you actually say this out loud, especially when we're going through a hard time or if we are not on the same page about something or mm-hmm. Strife. Yep. They're strife. You're very quick to call out, Hey remember we're on the same team. I've always appreciated that about you. Aaron (19:49):Sometimes I say it with an attitude. Jennifer (19:51):Yeah. But you believe it. and it's con, I believe, and it's convincing. Aaron (19:54):But the power of remembering you're on the same team is, I mean you, everyone's heard the adage divided and conquer. And the Bible even says that a city divided against itself cannot stand a marriage that's divided, cannot stand. If you're constantly thinking, I'm against her, she could. She's against me. We're not on the same page. We're not on the same team. Not going to No, you're not going to win. Yeah. You, you've already lost. Yeah. But you remind yourselves, you're on a team man, that that'll motivate and change every decision you make in your life when you're having, you are having strife, you'll remember, man, I'm angry, but I need to work on how angry I am right now. Cause I don't wanna be angry with my teammate. Yeah. She's my partner, she's my friend, she's my wife. Jennifer (20:40):And to know that you'll be so ineffective. Aaron (20:42):Oh yeah. So knowing you're on the same team, it keeps you it safe in spiritual attack. It's a so much a safer place to be. Even when it comes from the attacks from the world, maybe outside relationships who knows? You name it. Being on the same team makes life so much safer, better Jennifer (21:02):And funner and more powerful, emotionally more stable. Just encouraged. Aaron (21:06):Yeah. You name it all around. Jennifer (21:08):All benefit. Good. Aaron (21:09):Yeah. Oh, especially in parenting. Oh yeah. Oh man. Team, you Jennifer (21:13):Have to be on Aaron (21:14):Team. You have to have the same team. Team. Oh man. Okay. Number six, your spouse. Okay, I have to build this up. Your spouse is your type. Jennifer (21:29):This Aaron (21:29):Seems Jennifer (21:29):Obvious. Who you're attracted to. Aaron (21:31):Yeah. Just, okay Jennifer (21:35):Explain. Aaron (21:35):A friend of mine, Ryan Frederick from fierce marriage.com, he wrote an article about this years ago just talking about how your spouse, he talked about his wife being his standard of beauty. Okay. But that goes both ways. Not just attractiveness, but everything. The kind of man that I am, my hobbies, my things that I enjoy, that's your type. There is no other person out. There's not another man out there that is going to fit your type better than I me. And what I'm saying by this is that's how we should see ourselves. There is no other girl out there for me. There is no other type of woman. There is no other standard of beauty. But you are my standard. There is no, so what that does is if I see a beautiful woman out in public, it doesn't matter. I'll be like, oh, that's not my wife. My wife is beautiful. Jennifer (22:28):Okay. I was just, my question was going to be, is this advice for the person who is thinking, Aaron (22:37):Well, many Jennifer (22:38):Different, well, I guess Aaron (22:39):It's for both many different levels. There could be a lot of discontentment in a marriage of why can't my husband be more like so and Jennifer (22:46):So? Okay, so comparison. Aaron (22:48):Why can't my wife be more like, yeah. Jennifer (22:50):But then there's also the insecurity of one person and how they think their spouse views them. So it's for Aaron (22:57):Both. And then on a deeper, more sinful level, someone who's unsatisfied in their relationship and is looking mm-hmm. Right. For something else like, oh, I'm not satisfied with this person. They should be something else because there's this other person over here that does this and looks like this and sounds like this and that. But our spouse, Jennifer, are my standard of beauty and everything that a woman is to me and vice versa. I am your standard. Jennifer (23:24):This which, okay, go ahead. No, you go ahead. I was going to say continually changes because we're changing. We're constantly changing. And so your standard of beauty for me is increases as I increase with mm-hmm. age and knowledge and Oh, Aaron (23:40):I saw the beauty, speaking of what you just said, sorry, I, my Jennifer (23:43):Body. Yeah. Aaron (23:44):I saw the sweetest. It was a post someone did on Insta on Instagram. And it showed this vile person saying how if their wife ever let their themselves go after marriage, he would leave her. But then it goes from that statement to a guy saying, I'm a photographer. And my wife asked me one time that, why don't I edit her pictures of pictures of her, the way I edit other people's pictures. And I was so confused by it. And she says, well, you get rid of all their flaws and you make them look perfect. And he said, and he, he's thinking, he's thinking. He's like, then I realized I don't edit. I don't do that with her because I don't see those flaws. Everything I see in her I see is our history as everything that's happened to her, all the changes are because we have children together and be because, so it's all those things that she sees as flaws I see as symbols of my love for her. (24:36):Mm-hmm. Is everything that she means to me. Good. And he was crying and I was so good. And that's what made me think of this is that over time we do change. And we don't have a previous standard of like, well you once were this way and you've just lost it. No, you currently are my standard abuse and I love you and I love everything about you. And that doesn't mean that we can't in desire transformation for each other or better men in any areas. But all that to say your spouse is your standard. And as long as we keep that in mind, it actually protects us from a lot of temptations. And also and feeling inadequate. And it goes back to what we talked about last episode, of constantly wanting to affirm our spouse in their beauty, in their character, and all of those things that are good and beautiful and that we love. So Jennifer (25:25):Good. Yeah. What number are we on? Oh seven. We are both sinners and we both need Jesus every Aaron (25:33):Day. No, some of us need more Jesus than others. No, that's the point of this is we're both sinners and we both need Jesus. I think a lot of the times we might calculate, I should say, or evaluate our own shortcomings, our own sins. Much more different than we evaluate our spouses. So like, oh yeah, sure, I've done this, but you did this and this and this. Hold Jennifer (26:02):On, they're going to think I talked to you like that. Aaron (26:04):No, I'm mimicking some other family, not you at all. So no, I'm not mimicking you, I'm just, but that's kind of what we do. We have this dialogue with ourselves of well sure, cuz no one's going to say they're perfect. Maybe someone does. But sure I have this thing over here. But that thing you do, that's the thing that is more important to focus on. And we're going to pick at that. And again, this doesn't mean that we can't call out sin each other and that we shouldn't do that. But it's seeing clearly, Jennifer (26:35):I think there's a reality too that of knowing that you are going to mess up, you're going to make mistakes, you're going to fail, you are going to hurt me at times and I'm going to do that too. And there's going to be times that we walk down some hard roads because of choices that we make. And we need to be able to give each other grace. And we can only do do that if we have received grace from Jesus. Aaron (26:59):And also realizing, man, my wife needs Jesus. I love you and I'm going to pray for you and I wanna give you that grace and mercy that you need cuz that's what I want. And then it goes back to that scripture that where Jesus talks about the plank eye, often we feel like we can see so clearly in our spouse's eyes, the sin that they have without clearly looking inward at our own. And so it helps shape our perspectives of our spouse , when we see clearly of our own. What happened? Jennifer (27:33):What did I say? No, if I wasn't listening, I'm sorry. Oh, I had this Aaron (27:39):Man, it must have been real good what I was sharing. I'm just kidding. Jennifer (27:42):No, but that picture of Oprah where she says you're a winner and they're a winner. We're all winners car for you A coffee . Okay. But I'm like, you're a sinner. I'm a sinner. We're all sinner . Sorry. Aaron (27:52):It's pretty true. Okay. Jennifer (27:54):I'm really sorry. Aaron (27:55):Essentially, it's just No, it's good. It's just shaping our perspectives of each other. Seeing clearly that I am fully capable of working on my own sin and singing inwardly and having a good evaluation and judge so that I can with love and patience, do that for you as well. And that we both knowing, just always remembering we both need Jesus. Jennifer (28:15):I feel like number eight's kind of the same Aaron (28:18):Kind of, well we gave a 17th anyway. So this goes into number eight. The gospel heals all Jennifer (28:29):And always and all the times. Aaron (28:31):Yes, we need Jesus. I know we were talking about that. But this goes into how we do it. This idea of that we become a gospel centric marriage. That we recognize that in every aspect. So if it comes to our parenting, we need more gospel. We need to know that God's transforming us and we need him to work in us so that we can be good parents. Jennifer (28:55):And same with our kids. He's transforming them. Aaron (28:57):They need the gospel also. They need to know that Jesus loves them, that he died for them, that their sins are forgiven and washed away by hit the blood of the cross of Christ. And that we're to belief. And what that means is, so the gospel hills all is that if we operate in our marriage with a workspace mentality, that's not a gospel based mentality. What that means is, until you've done X, until you've done Y, until you've done Z, Jennifer (29:28):Then I'll love you. Or then I'll do this, then I'll do that. Aaron (29:31):Well, yeah, whatever it is or yeah, until you've done this, until you've earned it. But that's not how the gospel works. The gospel believe Jennifer (29:38):Gospel unconditional. Aaron (29:40):So if we go into our relationships with that mentality, if we go into our marriage with the gospel at the center of it, then we realize what our spouse needs more of as the gospel. What we need more of is the gospel. The reason we have this disagreement is because one of us, or both of us are not believing the gospel. We're believing a lie about something or believing we we're owed something. And so it goes back to like, man, I'm not owed anything. Christ gave everything and I can give nothing. Jennifer (30:10):We've experienced a lot of situations in our marriage where there's fi, fighting or disagreement and we're just kind of at each other. And then it takes hours of processing and dialogue and well, what about this? And then you said that. But always when it comes back down to the root cause of whatever the thing is, it's always some thing we're wrestling with some lie that we've believed, some insecurity that we have or a sin problem that Aaron (30:45):We've let Jennifer (30:47):Permeate into our way of being that came out and disrupted life. And that we've had so many moments where we both have encouraged each other to look toward the gospel. Hey, remember? And part of the reconciliation is believing again, what is true? Aaron (31:08):So the gospel, number nine, Jennifer (31:11):Never talk bad about your spouse in front of others, especially to family. Because they don't forget. Aaron (31:17):They don't, Jennifer (31:18):I think we forget that in marriage we're constantly having these interactions and things happening and then we get over them. Or we have a moment of reconciliation and things are fleeting and we're with each other. We chose each other. We are in the day, day out of it all. And when we sidestep and have conversations with others, whether it be family or friends or whoever, and we talk about each other in a negative light that forms an opinion in those other people, those listeners, and they don't get the same process of reconciliation of what happened. They're not a part of that intimacy. So then they're just left with it. Aaron (32:06):Well, and it paints a picture for the person you're talking to. It doesn't portray your spouse as Christ would portray them. And Jennifer (32:19):It's maybe not even how you see them because it's done in emotional distress. Aaron (32:25):An example would be like, man, my wife's always nagging me. That's a very negative thing. Let's say your wife is nagging you. This is not how you're going to fix that. Going and talking is telling someone that all you've done is made your wife an enemy and made your person you're talking to think of them as an enemy, Jennifer (32:44):Left a reputation Aaron (32:45):Mark. Yeah. You're trying and this is what's, what's so destructive about it. You go do that. Going back to a few tips ago where we're on the same team, all you're doing is tearing your own team apart. All you're doing is making your own team weaker. It doesn't make you look any better. It doesn't make you any stronger. Nothing. All it does is make you weaker. Talking about this. And I wanna make one little caveat. This is not to say that you should never go seek counsel on hard things in your marriage when you go to someone that you trust and that lets Jennifer (33:17):You, I think people know the difference between how you're talking about someone. Yes, Aaron (33:21):Yeah, I'm struggling. Yes, this thing happened. I feel like my wife was being mean. Or I feel like my husband said this thing. That's not the same thing as, man, I really don't like so-and-so. Or they always do this y z or I mean, if you've done it, you've done it. And you know what? It sounds like Jennifer (33:36):There's a very respectful way to talk about a situation that you need help with or prayer for Aaron (33:41):Versus Yeah. One is, I love my spouse and I want this situation reconciled. The other is, I hate my spouse and I'm going to say this mean thing about them. Those are the two perspectives. So never talk bad about your spouse in front of others, especially to family, which that trickles into number 10. This was a big one. We had to learn early on. It was very difficult. And I know a lot of marriages, this is, people deal with this. This is a big deal to a Jennifer (34:07):Lot of marriages. This is about boundaries. Aaron (34:08):This is about boundaries. You and your spouse, this is the advice. You and your spouse are on the inside and everyone else is on the outside. Jennifer (34:17):Meaning when it comes to friends, anyone who's not your spouse, Aaron (34:25):That even your kids, Jennifer (34:27):Your spouse comes first. Aaron (34:29):Well, you and your spouse are the ones who dictate how your home operates Jennifer (34:35):Home. No one else. Life, all of it. Aaron (34:37):My mom does not get to come in and say, you should do this, you should do this, you should do this. She can give advice all she wants. That's all it is. Jennifer (34:43):I feel like you're saying it kind Aaron (34:45):Of harsh. I'm sorry, nothing's happened recently. I'm just saying, I'm just trying to be strong with this because there are some people that have allowed other extramarital human beings to Jennifer (34:55):Have way too much influence in not Aaron (34:57):Just influence what's going on. They have more say than their spouse does. And it has been, it's destructive. It's completely, utterly destructive. Remember going back to your team, that's not a team. What you've done is you've, you say you're a team and you're bringing in this outsource outside source Jennifer (35:14):To defend your point or Aaron (35:16):To be on your side. And that is so destructive. No one, no one, but you and your spouse are in charge of what go with the say that happens in your home and how it Jennifer (35:28):Operates. So what Aaron's trying to say is it's good to have wise counsel. Absolutely. Advice, encouragement, people sharing things. I mean, we talk about this all the time, how good it is to be in community and have family and friends who can see what's going on in your life and marriage and parenting and to speak into that. But what he's saying is, when it comes to you and your spouse making decisions for your family, that comes from you two being on the same page. Aaron (35:56):No one else. And so everything else is in unified invited. Yes. Like, hey, we we're going to take your advice that you just gave us and and my wife will evaluate that. So that's number Jennifer (36:09):10. All right. Number 11. Have fun more with each other. . Have fun. Have lots of fun. Be silly. Play, laugh, dance. Why? Aaron (36:20):Because we need fun. Jennifer (36:23):Our bodies were biologically made to respond to humor. Well and memes. No, Aaron (36:31):It's so important. If we're not having fun, I think something's wrong. If we're irritable all the time, bored all the time with each other, we don't get excited around each other. There's gotta be changed. Jennifer (36:46):It sounds like someone needs to play the tortilla game. Aaron (36:48):We need to do the tortilla slap game. I'm going to do that. But number 11, that's a simple one. We don't have much to go with it. But be playful and go. Going back to what I said a little while ago about don't punish the things you not repeated. Don't punish Jennifer (37:03):If your spouse is repeat. If your spouse is trying to be fun with you, don't reject it. Aaron (37:07):Yeah. Be fun back with them. Be more fun back with them. Surprise them. That I would surprise you probably if I played with you cuz you go play with me. That would surprise me. I usually am Jennifer (37:17):Actually, there have been times where you come up and you're trying to dance with me or be romantic cuz that kind of thing. But I'm so caught off guard. I'm like, what are you doing? Aaron (37:25):Well you need to work. Workout it too. Yeah, let's have more fun. Jennifer (37:28):Okay, number 12, I'll do this one. I beat. Yeah, Aaron (37:31):I will do it. 12. Schedule a consistent date night. This is a big deal. Now this doesn't mean if you aren't even capable of getting a couple dates in a row and that that's not the end of the world. Jennifer (37:44):Well it's really how you define a date. Cuz you don't have to go out and spend money or do something. Aaron (37:49):Well, it's an intentional, it's Jennifer (37:50):Being Aaron (37:50):Intentional. A long time with your spouse outside of the home. I would say. Yeah, sometimes you can for a walk. Yeah, you can for a walk. But having it consistent, so the moment we put it on the calendar, Jennifer (37:59):It Aaron (38:00):Happens. It happens way more than it did when we didn't have it on the calendar. Jennifer (38:03):It's definitely a game changer when you have kids, when you start having kids, Aaron (38:07):You gotta schedule that man. Jennifer (38:08):You Aaron (38:08):Got to . Like if it ain't scheduled, it ain't happen on. So it also because it's on the calendar, because it's on the front of your mind. Because we know, oh on this day we're going to have day. It actually heightens your excitement. Jennifer (38:22):You look forward to Aaron (38:23):It. Yeah. You're like, oh, you have something to look forward to. Midweek or whatever it is. So scheduling it, making it consistent. What it does is it means that, let's say you have a season where you can't be going on those dates, sickness, traveling, whatever it is, Jennifer (38:38):It's still going to happen. Aaron (38:39):It's still going to happen. And you're not thinking, I don't remember the last time we went on a date was you're thinking like, oh, I can't wait for the next time we go on a Jennifer (38:46):Date. Some things we love to utilize dates for, especially cuz we have five kids at home and they're getting older and paying attention to every conversation we have is we like to check in with each other. We like to ask how we're doing. We like to dream together and talk about plans for the future and what's working and what's not working and what goals we Aaron (39:04):Have. Almost all of the big things we've done in our life were planned over a date. The house we're in Al almost, I'm pretty sure every single book for the most part was planned over some form of date Jennifer (39:18):Probably. Yeah. I don't know. So Aaron (39:20):I wasn't keeping track. It's pretty amazing. I know number Jennifer (39:22):13, what he is trying to say is amazing. Things happen on date night. Aaron (39:25):Number 13 is probably going to be a hard one for some people. And I don't know why cuz I'm an extrovert, but have, get, grab, make, cultivate, close, married friends Jennifer (39:43):In friendship, Aaron (39:44):Preferably ones who love Jesus. Yeah. This is a non-negotiable people. I can't say it enough. And I know enough people that they will say, I don't have any friends. They will say that almost like it's a trophy. I'm like, that's not a trophy. You need friends. You need people in your life that can come to you and not just you enjoy their company, but they can also tell you when you're being a jerk, they can tell you when, Hey, here's an area in your life you can grow in. And that you could do the same for them. It's such a big deal. I'm not going to, in no small part, in no small way did friends play a role in saving our marriage Jennifer (40:32):Is true. Aaron (40:34):Wasn't the only thing, but it was not the small thing. It was the largest portion of the redemption and restoration of our marriage was close. Christian friends. The benefits of it is you're not alone. And again, some introverts are like, what's wrong with being alone? You're not alone. They remind you, you're not alone. They reach Jennifer (41:04):Out. They support you. Aaron (41:05):They support you. Jennifer (41:07):They give you meals when you're sick, Aaron (41:09):But almost more valuable than those things that they do for you. It makes, it's the ability for you to be a friend, for you to reach out, for you to practice the fruits of the spirit in another person's life. Because often people will say, we've tried and no one will x, Y, z. I'm like, well, are you being the X, y, Z that you want? And a friend the radio station air one always says there's plenty of good nice people or kind people in the world. And if you can't find one, be one. Like be a friend. Be the person you want others to be to you. It's that. That's the golden rule that Jesus teaches is treat others as you'd like to be treated. Have close married friends. This is a non-negotiable you. Your life and marriage will be so much more fruitful and beautiful and powerful and all these good things with good close married Christian friends. Jennifer (42:14):And then what you wanna do is number 12 and 11. So you wanna take, have more Aaron (42:19):Fun? Jennifer (42:20):Do you wanna take those friends? You wanna go on double dates and have more fun together? Yes. Those are some of our favorite dates and memorable moments Aaron (42:28):Together. 13, 12, 11. Yep. Jennifer (42:30):All right. Number 14, never stop learning about your spouse. Never stop studying your spouse. Never stop looking into what they're interested in and get to know them. And Aaron (42:41):This is something that hard for me because I can get so caught up in, not caught up. I'll just say it. Comfortable, lazy. Comfortable. Comfortable. That's so much nicer. Familiar. You familiar? Jennifer (42:52):You Aaron (42:53):Know me. I think I know you are. I I almost more just, I forget to ask how are you doing? What are you learning? But the other day I asked you, I said, what are you learning in the word right now? And you're like, you looked at me. Jennifer (43:06):Well, thank you. I can't. Aaron (43:09):Wow. Jennifer (43:09):I think it had been a while. Aaron (43:10):It had been a while. But you had told me and I trying to remember and I'm trying to, you're growing too. You're even though we're one, you're still a unique individual human being that God's imparting wisdom to and growing and maturing and you're you, you're going through things and you're learning things and you're becoming a older woman. You're not old, but you're becoming an older woman. I'm an older man. You just call me old. No, I said you're not old Jennifer (43:36):Getting Aaron (43:37):Old. But that we would practice. This is a skill that we get to learn over the decades. Jennifer (43:43):Why is it important to know each other in that way? To study each other and to know each other. I'll tell you. Okay. It comes in it handy when you wanna purchase a gift or spoil one another because you already know what that person likes or is interested in. It comes in handy when you're planning date nights or date days because you already know what they've been looking forward to, what they absolutely won't go near. And Aaron (44:11):It gives you ways of encouraging knowing them. So you're like, man, I wanna be growing in this area. It's something I found out about you. I can be like, Hey, you said you wanna be growing this area. How can I help with that? What's ways I can encourage you? Jennifer (44:25):I was going to say prayer. If you know them and you're studying them and you can see without them even explaining to you what they're struggling with or where they're finding success in, you can be praying for those areas. Aaron (44:37):That's real good. Yeah. Keep learning. All right, number 15. All right. This is also a hard one. Could be hard. Learn to forgive quickly. Seriously, Jennifer (44:52):Go. This one took Aaron years to figure out years and I told him every day, can you Aaron (44:58):Forgive me? Is something, it's something we're Jennifer (45:00):All, oh no, I'm sorry. It was saying I'm sorry that that was hard for Aaron (45:05):You. That's the saying. I'm sorry is hard for, do Jennifer (45:07):You remember Aaron (45:07):You forgiving me is what's hard. Jennifer (45:09):Yeah. I totally messed that one up. Aaron, it took you years to say I'm sorry. Even on the silliest of things, man, I do not miss that. Aaron (45:19):Well, yeah, that's another podcast episode Jennifer (45:22):We can talk about. You've grown a lot. Aaron (45:24):So learning to forgive quickly, I just wanna encourage all you listening to go read everything in the New Testament about forgiveness because the Bible is pretty serious about it. We've done some episodes on it, but the quicker you forgive man, the quicker you're back to being on the same page, the quicker you're back to being on the team Jennifer (45:42):And don't do what I did. Don't fool yourself by just saying, I forgive. I forgive you. And because when you don't, because then it just kind of buries itself. I Aaron (45:49):Said, I Jennifer (45:50):Forgive you. It varies itself. You have to stop talking like that. Like me, you guys. I don't talk to him with attitude like Aaron (45:55):That. What's funny is they can hear your voice. Your voice is so much prettier than mine. They know that that's not how you sound. Jennifer (46:01):I hope not. Oh anyways, forgive quickly because it's better for your soul. And there's Aaron (46:07):Last, but definitely not least. And it's also, this is not an extensive list of all of the wisdom that we might have somehow gained over the years. But last one for us. Jennifer (46:19):Well, I'm going to share one at the very end, but go Aaron (46:23):Ahead. We're like at 20. We're not even 20 now. It's like 20. I'm just kidding. Okay, number 16, I'm going to say it and then I'm Jennifer (46:32):Explain. Aaron (46:33):I'm going to explain it Jennifer (46:34):, because it's not straightforward at all. Aaron (46:36):Have children together. . Okay. Someone's like what? Jennifer (46:43):Excuse me. What? . Aaron (46:44):Just listen. Jennifer (46:45):Have children ra raise children together. Aaron (46:48):First of all, children are literally the physical manifestation of two becoming one. Okay? It's both our DNAs, both our images, both our personalities and characters. Both our histories becoming into a new creature, a new creation, a new little person. And I just think that's beautiful and I think that's amazing. Okay. Now, if you can't physically have a baby, cuz I know there are people that this has been a long time prayer and a painful area of their life, that they would love to have children, but they can't. I wanna encourage you to pray about adoption. And to be honest, I'm sure you already are, but this doesn't mean you have to have only biological children have children. One of the most powerful and beautiful things about marriage is that it is between a man and woman. The way God designed it, it's a s, it's the word. (47:47):It's a beautiful, safe Petri dish cultivating little humans that love God. One of the main ministries of a marriage is to when you have children, to raise them to know God, to raise them, to be children who understand the word. And of course trusting the Lord with their salvation, but raising them to know him. Children refine us in a huge way. They refine us. They challenge every aspect of our personality. And faith. And faith. They show us just how selfish we are and make us not be selfish. Children are amazing. They give us an opportunity. This is something that, this was a huge thing. Jennifer mentioned a little bit earlier about how early on in our marriage, we were in this weird place with this idea of having children. But one of the things that God used to capture my heart on this idea of becoming a dad, I prayed and I said, God, I want to be a better teacher and I wanna be able to teach these other marriages about you. (48:59):I need to know you more. And God pointed out to me, he is like, if you want to know me more, there's a sight of me you'll never know unless you become a father. And that was it. I was like, oh, I need to be a dad. If I wanna know more about God, I need to be a father. That wasn't the only thing, but that was it. That was the thing that just went from me being as selfish. I don't wanna have kids because whatever, to like, no, I want children. No, I didn't know how many or whatever just my heart changed in that moment because I wanted to know more of God. And children give you the opportunity to become more like God the Father, the one who has children and treats us as children. They also give us deep and meaningful ministry like Jennifer (49:47):Life purpose, Aaron (49:48):Life purpose. Every Jennifer (49:49):Day I wake up, I know for a matter of fact I've got little ones that rely on me and I have a purpose to serve Aaron (49:56):Them. Yeah. You mothers and fathers out there. I'm just going to say this one. The most important ministry you'll ever have in your entire life is your children. Your first ministry is your spouse, your second, and most important is your children. It you're raising, like we can go across the ocean and preach the gospel to people we don't know. That's good. But we have little people living right here in our home that we're with every day. Are we showing them the gospel with our life and the decisions we make and the way we repent and the like. That's amazing. That's huge. And last but not least, about this idea of having children. The Bible, God tells us that children are a blessing from him. They're a blessing. So Jennifer and I, we want you to be blessed. So if you're contemplating having children, if you are desiring to have children, if it's something that's the, you haven't have any yet, but you're thinking about it, we wanna encourage you to be praying that direction because we want you to be blessed. So I wanted to make that thing. I know that there's some people that can't, but there's always adoption. There's also just your heart to be a mother. Your heart to be a mother is such a huge good thing. So we want to encourage you in that and say, God bless you for that. So that's our 16 ish Jennifer (51:23): Aaron (51:24):Bits Jennifer (51:24):Of advice. The last one that I was going to share is really simple, and you can do it with all of these as you implement them, these forms. It's just be nice. Just be nice, be a nice person, be a nice person be kind. Aaron (51:37):Sorry. Don't be all grumpy all Jennifer (51:38):The time. Be kind. Yeah, I can hear my, every once in a while my mom comes out to visit and there's moments that Aaron and I have a little bickering or whatever, and I could hear her voice after all these years still say, oh, Jennifer, be nice. She does do, but she says it about my relationship toward you. Like, yeah. Oh, Jennifer, be nice. Sometimes you're not even in the room. She'll whisper it. Oh, Jennifer, be nice. And so it's just a good reminder that we need to be nice to each other in all ways. The way that we communicate the thoughts that we have toward one another all our intention be nice. Aaron (52:15):Yep. Let's get a little free bonus for you. We won't charge you on that one. Okay. Jennifer (52:20):Wow, this week's chilling. Oh, go ahead. Just I, it's our last time before the next season and I just wanted to say thank you guys so much for joining us and following along and just supporting this podcast. We love marriage after God. We love the community. We love knowing that there's couples out there who desire to grow and mature and chase boldly after God together. And we just wanted to say we love you guys and we hope that you have an incredible New year and just, I don't know, we we're praying for your marriage and we love you guys. Aaron (52:56):While you wait for the next season, will you please take some time and go back through the last episodes that maybe you haven't cut up on yet? Check 'em out. We have a lot of episodes now. But also, would you please share our podcast with a friend? Let someone know, someone that you know has a good commute, that likes to listen to the podcast, share with them. Jennifer (53:16):Lastly, if you feel inspired to share with us some thoughts on topics for next season, you can reach out to us on Instagram at Marriage after God and just shoot us a DM with your topic ideas and we'll be sure to look over those before we start the next season. Start the next season. Aaron (53:37):Awesome. So weekly challenge. This week, your challenge is to read the Bible together at least three times. Challenge accepted. Yes. Good? Yes. Okay. All right. I'm going to pray. Dear Lord, thank you for our marriage. Thank you for the opportunities you give us every day to love each other. Well, we pray we would be wise couples who clinging to truth. We pray we would listen to sound marriage advice and apply it. We pray you would continue to mature us and shape our marriage relationship, increase our ability to love and be known by each other when fear or doubt creeps into our marriage, we pray your truth will cover us with peace. Please use our marriage to bless each other and use us as a team to bring your glory as we support and encourage other marriages around us. In Jesus' name, amen. Jennifer (54:27):Thank you for joining us for another episode of the Marriage After God podcast. Aaron (54:30):If you found today's episode fun and encouraging, please take a moment to share it on social media or in an email to some of your married friends. Jennifer (54:36):Also, would you please take a moment and leave us a review, reviews help to spread the word about our podcast? Aaron (54:41):Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and you can always check out more of our resources@marriageaftergod.com. Jennifer (54:46):You can follow us on social media for more marriage encouragement on Facebook and Instagram at Marriage after God at Husband Revolution, and at Unveiled Wife. Aaron (54:55):We hope you have an incredible week and look forward to sharing more with you next week on The Marriage After God podcast.  

This world is full fo discouragement, and we personally are really good at feeling shameful, weak, useless, and unworthy. Fill in the blank with all the negative things we think and say about ourselves daily. We all can use more words of encouragement and affirmation. So let this episode be an encouragement and reminder for you to practice finding things to affirm your spouse with on a daily basis.--This episode is sponsored by our newest book, Marriage After God. In this book, we have laid out for you a treasure map that leads your marriage to the greatest treasure of all, which is to know beyond a shadow of a doubt exactly why God has brought you and your spouse together.This book is meant to take you on a journey of discovering the unique, deep and powerful purpose God has for your marriage. The world and your flesh will tell you that the greatest end to be reached is happily ever after, but we believe that that is in fact not at all the end to which we are to pursue. Instead, God intends for you to pursue His end and for your marriage to be a powerful tool in His mighty hand to bring about glory for His Son and to grow His kingdom. If you are ready to say yes to this journey, then please head over to Shop.marriageaftergod.com or amazon.com and grab your copy today. --HERE IS THE LIST OF AFFIRMATIONS I TOLD MY WIFE IN THIS EPISODEYou are one of the most thoughtful and caring people I know. You are always considering how other people feel and what they might be going through. Your heart is always to comfort and include. Your heart is easily burdened for those of our friends who are burdened. These traits that God has given you are a powerful spiritual gift that our church, friends and anyone else that comes into our life get to be blessed by.You are an incredible mother who desires to be the best mother she can be. You teach our children diligently and with determination. You are creative with them and desire that they have many different outlets for growing in knowledge and skill and giftings. You are constantly growing in your patience and love for our children and you desire to be the best you can be for them.We are going to be married for 16 years on January 6th 2023. And I want you to know that I am thankful that i have had the privilege of having you as my bride, my friend and my lover for not only the last 16 years but also for the rest of our lives. And just like the bible says. You are a blessing and a gift to me and I am excited to continue to discover who you are each and every day of our lives together.You are my favorite person to spend alone time with. Going to a movie, dinner, fishing, hiking, bike ride. Whatever it is it will always be better when you are with me. You are my best friend.Just as i said when i asked you to be my wife, “whatever we do I want to do it with you and for God. I love building our life, business and family together.You are a godly woman who desires to grow and mature in your walk with Christ and your love for God is an inspiration not only to me but also to our children and to all our friends.Lest one! You may not believe me, but I think you are one of the bravest and strongest women i know. Following me to africa, starting businesses with me, doing our own marriage retreat, writing not just one book but 12. Having 5 children with me, and doing any of countless other things we have done in our life together. You are brave. And strong. And i admire you for that bravery and strength. Phil 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” READ TRANSCRIPTJennifer (00:09):Hi, and welcome to the Marriage After God podcast. Aaron (00:12):We're your hosts Aaron, Jennifer Smith. We Jennifer (00:14):Have been married 15 years and have five sweet children who are growing up way too fast. Aaron (00:18):We love God and we love marriage Jennifer (00:20):And we love to be honest about it all. Aaron (00:22):Marriage is not always a walk in the park, but we do believe it has a powerful purpose. Jennifer (00:25):So our goal here is to open up the conversation to talk about our faith and our marriage, Aaron (00:30):Especially in light of the gospel. Jennifer (00:32):We certainly don't have all the answers, but if you stick around, we may just make you Aaron (00:35):Laugh. But our hope is to encourage you to chase boldly after God's purpose for your life together. Jennifer (00:39):This is after God. Hi, and welcome back to another episode of Marriage After God. We're back Warrior Host. I'm Jennifer. Aaron (00:54):I'm Aaron. Jennifer (00:54):And we're happy to be here. We took another little break, unexpected, spontaneous break. We Aaron (01:00):Did not do it on purpose. Jennifer (01:01): life happens and for getting back into podcasting this season, I felt like we did really great. We were really strong. And then we had the break cuz you left. And then we came back and then we had to take another break because we were working on edits of the book and which Aaron (01:19):Turned out really well. Jennifer (01:20):And then there was Thanksgiving and then we got hit with sickness like bad Aaron (01:25):For over a week. Jennifer (01:26):It was rough. Aaron (01:27):It was like we had Thanksgiving and then boom, we're sick. So we had to take the time out. We couldn't do anything. Yeah, it was, we were, oh man, it was horrible. But we are back and we're going to do, we have two more episodes Jennifer (01:38):In this season. This is number 11. And then we have one more. So Aaron (01:41):We're going Jennifer (01:42):To do this. That wraps up the season crazy. Aaron (01:44):And then we get to practice and be better at next season because we have time Jennifer (01:50):To plan. excited about it. But in today's episode, I actually don't know what we're going to talk about cuz for some reason Aaron wanted it to be a surprise secret or maybe, I don't know why Aaron (02:01):I'm surprised that you're letting me do this , because you don't like to be surprised. That's true. And you don't like to not know what's going on. But this episode you listening, you know what the episode's about because the title, Jennifer hasn't seen the title yet. Jennifer (02:17):He's kept everything Aaron (02:17):From me so she doesn't know what it's about. And so we'll get to that soon and I hope it's good help. See. So before we get into that, this episode is sponsored by our newest book. When I say newest book, this book came out in 2020. Jennifer (02:34):2019 I think. 19. Yeah. 2019. Aaron (02:37):Oh, I think you're right. Okay. It's still our news book. We have one coming out next year, which will be our newest, newest book. But this one, marriage After God. This is one of the pinnacle works that we've done. It doesn't just incorporate our life, but it incorporates so much of what God has shown us and taught us about the purpose in marriage and why he created it. In this book we've laid out for you a treasure map that leads you your marriage to the greatest treasure of all, which is to know beyond a shadow of a doubt exactly why God has brought you and your spouse together. This book is meant to take you on a journey of discovering the unique, deep and powerful powerful purpose God has for your marriage. The world in your flesh will tell you that the greatest end to be reached is happily ever after. But we believe that this is in fact not at all the end to which we are to pursue. Instead, God intends for you to pursue his end and for your marriage to be a powerful tool in his mighty hand to bring about glory for His son and to grow his kingdom. If you're ready to say yes to this journey, then please head over to shop dot marriage after god.com or amazon.com and grab your copy today. Jennifer (03:43):Well babe, that was a really great ad for our book. I feel like you could just read a snippet from the book and then wrap it. Wrap it up. Call it an episode. Aaron (03:52):I could. I was going to do that actually. I was actually going to read some of the book, but I didn't. You gotta go get the book yourself. Jennifer (03:58):I'm also just nervous about today's topic cuz I don't know what it is so well Aaron (04:02):Here. Before we Jennifer (04:03):Just giving you another idea, Aaron (04:04):Get you warmed up. Before we get into today's secret topic why don't we talk about a little bit, I know we kind of went into it just a second ago, but what's been going on the last couple weeks? We had a few big things. One was a sad wound. We lost one of our chickens. I mean, we have a lot of chickens and so it's kind of makes sense that there's so much nutrition, Jennifer (04:26):Very new at this. And so everything's a learning curve. Everything's a process of trying to understand what it means to be a chicken mama and Aaron (04:34):Papa . And we have 20 plus chickens. Yeah, I think we're down to 20 now. Yeah. But we, so we tried everything we could actually with this little girl. And I even took her to the vet just cause I wanted to learn. I was like, okay, what? What's going on? What can I look for? It was too late. But you did learn tis. I did. And I got some useful tidbits that now I can go actually check all of our other chickens and be like, oh, these ones are healthy. This one's not healthy. Yeah, I know it looks like now. So that was actually really valuable for me. But sad. Sad nonetheless. But we're learning and it's actually been fun having chickens. Our kids are going out there feeding 'em, taking care of Jennifer (05:09):'em. Lots of Aaron (05:09):Responsibility. We're sitting down as family guys, we have animals we're responsible for, we need to make sure they stay alive so they have to have water and food and lots of other things. So that's actually been really good for our family. Jennifer (05:22):On top of that, we had family out, which was really great for Thanksgiving. It was such a joy just to see them. That was nice. And then we got sick, which we already mentioned that was not nice. I mean, hammered sick. I was usually, Aaron (05:34):I you're in bed for a whole Jennifer (05:35):Week, four or five days. Usually I don't get sick. Usually I help everybody else while they're sick. Aaron (05:40):Well and all more usually we, if we do get sick, we'll get it lightly. Jennifer (05:45):Or a tag team where I get sick first and then you get sick. Aaron (05:48):But this one you got sick and then I was sick and then the kids were sick and we were all sick at the same time. I don't think we've ever experienced that before. It was miserable. That was hard. Just doing anything. But Jennifer (05:57):We survived it. But we survived it because we had help too. That's true. We had friends nonstop. Hey, can I pick anything up from the store? Hey, how are you guys feeling? How can we come for you? Can I drop dinner off several times? We got dinners that Aaron (06:11):Week. We have lots of dinners, lots of Jennifer (06:12):Leftovers. So thank you everybody who helped. We love you. Aaron (06:15):And we were just so blessed and I all that to be said, there's huge power in close Christian community. And this has been true from Pentecost till today, that this is how God intends it. He intends the people of God to be in unity and together and helping each other. Jennifer (06:35):Plus it just feels good to be used too. I've been on the other end where someone's sick and I get to bring their family a meal. And I love being utilized in that way. I feel like it's me. Aaron (06:45):So quick off the topic encouragement for you for listening. If you don't have close Christian friends, we just wanna encourage you to go get some . And we know that could be hard for some people, but pray, ask God, say God, bring us some Christian relationships, Christian friends that we can get close to. You have to be in community. What God has for us. I think it's his God. It is God's plan for his people that we're all in community together. So I mean, we're going to be in eternity forever each other. That's true. So might as well practice it now. . Okay. That's all we have. Jennifer (07:19):Come on, tell me what it is. Aaron (07:21):Intro. Intro. Intro. So I have my phone here because I have my own private notes. Jennifer (07:26):I know I was really confused, Aaron (07:27):But she was looking through these. She was like, so did you write anything down? I'm like, yes. Where I'm like, I'm not telling you. Right. And if you would've looked just one filter back, you probably would've found it. Ah. Did you find an action? No. Okay. Just checking. . All right. So I'm going to share with you some statements, Jennifer (07:48):Oh gosh. Aaron (07:49):Okay. Statements that I've written down. And I want you to let us know me and the listeners, your honest thoughts and feelings about it. Jennifer (07:59):Can I just say true or false? Aaron (08:02):You might wanna say that but I want you to be real and honest. And the reason I didn't want you to know Jennifer (08:08):Is because you're mean. I'm just kidding. Aaron (08:11):Yes. Conniving and no, I think this is hard for a lot of people and it's hard for me, but it's hard to like, okay, you're going to get it Jennifer (08:24):Extra hard on me. Aaron (08:25):Yeah, I don't know. Maybe. Okay. So first of all, what are you thinking about before I go into this? Jennifer (08:31):The first thing that popped in my head was ice cream. Cuz I think it would make me feel better right now. Aaron (08:36):This is not an episode about ice cream and I think we have some, so if you do good, let you have a cup. Ice cream. Yeah. Do you surprises like this? Jennifer (08:45):I like some surprises sometimes. Aaron (08:48):Not Jennifer (08:49):Always this one. No. Because we're podcasting and recording and I just wanna You feel unprepared. I feel like I'm going to trip over my words or say something not so well. Aaron (08:58):To be honest, most of it's probably going to be me, but I do want to hear to engage with you on these things. Okay? Okay. All right. Okay. You don't know what I'm going to say. We're going to start, I think you'll get this after the first or second one. Listening's. Like just do it. Jennifer (09:15):Seriously. Stop Aaron (09:16):Smelling. All right. Okay. Jennifer, Jennifer (09:20):What? Aaron (09:21):You are one of the most thoughtful Jennifer (09:23): Aaron (09:24):In caring people. I know you are always considering how other people feel and what they might be going through. Your heart is always to comfort and include, your heart is easily burdened for those of our friends who are burdened. These traits that God has given you are a powerful spiritual gift that our church friends and anyone else that comes into our life get to be blessed by. That's the first one. Jennifer (09:50):Did you copy and paste that from somewhere? You get Aaron (09:52):That from? I wrote all of these. Jennifer (09:55):That was really beautiful. Aaron (09:57):Oh, is that's your natural first gut response. Jennifer (10:01):Yeah. Was it made me Aaron (10:02):Feel good? Did it? What else do you think about that? Oh, let's go. True or false? Jennifer (10:09):. True. I think that I would also pick it apart to show, but that's a challenge for me. It's hard for me. That's not in my nature. Aaron (10:21):What part of it? Jennifer (10:23):You would have to read it back to me. Aaron (10:25):, most thoughtful, caring people I know considering how people feel and what they might be going through. Jennifer (10:32):So even sometimes I think too much about myself and what I'm going through that I do feel like I miss what others are going through. But then there's times that I actually overthink how people might be feeling to where I start answering for them. Or I overthink what I said to them and it just gets really messy from there. So . Aaron (10:55):Okay, but what about your heart is always to comfort and include? Jennifer (11:01):I think that's true. And I think it comes from a place of always wanting to be included. Aaron (11:06):Love how you wanna be loved type thing. Your heart is easily burdened for those that our friends, the burdens that our friends have. Jennifer (11:16):That's true. And I think it's going back to what you said earlier about being in community. We've lived this way pretty much our whole marriage, where wherever we're at, we immerse ourselves into that community and we build friendships. And we're so close with people that I feel like they're family and I feel like if they're going through a hard time, I don't want them to be suffering. I don't want them to be uncomfortable. And so I do feel that weight. Mm-hmm. True. Aaron (11:43):, the last piece of this anyone who comes into our life is blessed by this from you. Jennifer (11:54):I don't know. Aaron (11:55):What do you think others would say? Jennifer (11:59):Do Jen ? Of course. I don't know. Aaron (12:03):Do you think that they actually feel blessed by you? Jennifer (12:06):I think that I have a handful of friends that I would believe them saying that. Okay, that's hard. Thinking about myself in that way. I don't Aaron (12:18):Know. Okay. Onto number two. You ready? Okay. Jennifer (12:25):, Aaron (12:26):You These might be harder. Jennifer (12:28):I don't know. Aaron (12:30):Okay. You are an incredible mother who desires to be the best mother she can be. You teach our children diligently and with determination. You are creative with them and desire that they have many different outlets for growing in knowledge and skill and giftings. You are consistently, you're constantly growing in your patience and love for our children. And you desire to be the best you can before them. Jennifer (12:54):Who told you all that? So as you're reading it, Aaron (13:02):What was your first thought you had when I said, you are an incredible mother. Jennifer (13:07):No, no, no, no. And then I heard God say, yes you are. Yes you are. Yes you are . But it's weird, the tension I have to battle in my own mind and heart because no matter how good of a day we have, no matter how much I try and pour into my children or being a mom, a good mom, I wrestle with doubt and failure and insecurities and wondering if I'm doing it right or when I'm doing it wrong, how to fix it. Being a mother is pain painful in a way, an emotional way because you just never know. I do. I don't know. Well, Aaron (13:52):True or false, Jennifer (13:55):I'm not going to Sure. False that I think that my heart and my heart intention is to be a good mom. I don't think I'm perfect. I think I struggle a lot. Aaron (14:08):Yeah. I don't think I use the word perfect in any of these by way. Jennifer (14:10):Oh, Aaron (14:11):. Good, Jennifer (14:12):Fine, fair. Aaron (14:15):Okay. Constantly growing in your patience and love for our children. That's true. And your desire to be the best you can before them. Jennifer (14:24):That's true. Yeah. Aaron (14:26):Are you creative with them and desire that they have many different outlets for growing in knowledge? Jennifer (14:31):Yes, that's true. Aaron (14:33):Do you teach them diligently with determination? Jennifer (14:36):Yes. Aaron (14:37):Yeah. Okay. Everyone can't see, but she's got a little bit of tears in her eyes. I did when Jennifer (14:45):You first started reading for sure. Aaron (14:47):Number three. I have a few of these. Okay. I have seven actually. Jennifer (14:51):I feel like this isn't really fair cuz now I have nothing to offer you. And now it has nothing to do with me right now. I know. But Aaron (14:56):This is for you. Okay. Okay. We are going to be married for 16 years on January 6th. Jennifer (15:02):That's right around the Aaron (15:03):Corner. That's less than a month away. It's actually exactly a month away. right now know. And I want you to know that I'm thankful that I've had the privilege of having you as my bride, my friend, and my lover for not only the last 16 years, but also for the rest of our lives. And just like the Bible says, you are a blessing and a gift to me. And I'm excited to continue to discover who you are each and every day of our lives together. Jennifer (15:30):That's beautiful. I love it. Is Aaron (15:33):That your only Jennifer (15:34):Response? Do you wanna know my honest response? Aaron (15:36):Yes. Jennifer (15:38):I immediately thought, well I'm really glad we didn't give up. Aaron (15:42):True. Jennifer (15:43):There were several times in the beginning that we almost gave up. And to look back now after almost 16 years of marriage, it's like, wow, what an incredible journey. Aaron (15:54):I know it's weird to think that we've been married for 16 years. Jennifer (15:57):It's a long time. And you had mentioned the other day, we were talking about something and you said, yeah we've, we've had more good years than hard years because the first beginning we thought, man, this is overtaking everything. And this is, it just felt like a lifetime already in those first four years. Aaron (16:14):And now we've had two lifetimes since then. Jennifer (16:16):Yeah. Crazy. Aaron (16:17):Yeah. Jennifer (16:18):Everyone's like, what? Do your math. Aaron (16:20):Yeah, the math doesn't make sense, but we've how you feel. We've had more good years now than we had bad years leading up to big changes in our marriage. But I just think it's interesting. The reason I wanted your natural responses to these is because we'll get there actually. Okay. Number four, Jennifer (16:42):Keep her in the dark. Aaron (16:44):You are my favorite person to spend a long time with. Going to a movie, dinner, fishing, hiking, bike ride, whatever it is, it will always be better. When you are with me, you are my best friend. Jennifer (16:58):Ditto. Aaron (17:01):Is that your first response? That's Jennifer (17:03):My only response. Yeah. Dito is like, you are my best friend. And same. Well, Aaron (17:07):You never want me Jennifer (17:07):Gone. I never want you gone. Don't ever leave my side. That's true. But seriously, even when I'm out with a girlfriend or whatever, I always think like, oh Aaron would enjoy this. I want you to be there. Aaron (17:19):Yeah. We were out. We just had that men's retreat a month or so ago and the whole time just thinking this would be so much more fun with all the wives here. Jennifer (17:27):It would've been fun with Aaron (17:28):All of Elvis. It would've been. But you know how perfect this stars have to be aligned today. I know. We get all of our friends together without kids. I know. Jennifer (17:36):That's cool. We have a lot of kids. Between us all, Aaron (17:37):It's like there's 60 or so. It's Jennifer (17:40):Say impossible. Many. Aaron (17:41):I think we've done it once for an evening. Jennifer (17:43):We're going to do it again for an evening cuz we have a Christmas party Aaron (17:45):Coming up. Oh. So pray for us. Jennifer (17:47):Pray for, we're going to dress up  Aaron (17:49):Number five. I hope these are good. Jennifer (17:53):These are really good. Aaron (17:54):Okay, Jess. As I said when I asked you to be my wife, whatever we do, I wanna do it with you. And for God, I love building our life, business and family together. Jennifer (18:05):Yes. Yeah. Always . Aaron (18:08):Okay. See a couple of these aren't that hard. Anything you wanna add to that? Jennifer (18:14):Well, we've been talking a lot lately about what's next? What's in the coming year going to look like? What are we moving towards? What are we going to mm-hmm. Trying to accomplish? What do we wanna build next? What do we wanna build or be a part of? What our legacy or what direction are we going? What we always have these at the end of the year where we talk about what the following year, gold casting. Gold casting, which Aaron (18:34):We talked about Jennifer (18:34):Mary God, I think it's chapter 13, dreaming together. Which I love doing with you by the way. It's one of my favorite. Is it a pastime? I don't know. F favorite things to do with you. And so as you're saying that I thought you were going to lead up to and what I wanna do with you this next year, . Nope. But it's more like a dot, dot dot. It's just always Aaron (18:54):Because we haven't figured it out yet. But yeah, you can't write that good. Number six, you are a godly woman who desires to grow and mature in your walk with Christ and your love for God as an inspiration, not only to me but also to our children and to all our friends. Jennifer (19:12):All I heard in the back of my head is I can do better. I can do better. I can. Aaron (19:19):Makes sense. Why does it feel like you have to? Why not have to? But why is that your first response? Jennifer (19:30):I think I go through seasons where I fit seasons where I feel closer to God, chasing after him. Getting in the word constantly and having a very strong prayer life. And then there's other seasons where I'm, I feel farther. I haven't picked up the Bible in a couple of days. And things just feel a little bit more uncertain is not the word, but distant, so to speak. And then there's all the seasons in between that where you're fluctuating back and forth between those. So I think just right now in my current state of life, the things that we've been walking through and life just has felt kind of busy. And I think I've been more sporadic in spending time with the Lord and really chasing after him. Aaron (20:20):Do you believe that all the people in your life see that? Or do you think that they see something else? Jennifer (20:30):I think that, I don't know. It'd be a good question to ask and maybe get feedback on maybe. But I think that they probably just see me and my love for the Lord. Aaron (20:45):So Jennifer (20:46):Do you believe as a general? Yeah. Aaron (20:47):Do you believe though that your relationship and your walk is an inspiration to be able to know you? Jennifer (20:57):I don't know. I hope so, but I don't know. Aaron (21:00):Do you really not know? Jennifer (21:02):I don't know. Or do you just I don't like talking about me. Aaron (21:03):I know. I just wanna know. Do you really not know? You have no idea. Jennifer (21:08):I think that I'm an encouragement to others. I think. Aaron (21:12):Have people told you that they look to you and they they're inspired by you? Yeah. Yeah. So it's not that you don't know . Okay. Jennifer (21:22):I think it, yeah, Aaron (21:25):Say it. Jennifer (21:26):I don't know. I think it's digested , Aaron (21:30):Unwrap it. Peel Jennifer (21:31):Back the onion layers. I was just going to say, going back to how I feel in and out of seasons where I feel either really close to God or a little bit more distant. But when I'm more consistent in the word, it comes out in my responses towards others. Whether it's a girlfriend or a text. And so I get more, get more inspired by the Lord's word being drawn out of me in those ways more frequently when I'm more consistent. And I just feel like lately, maybe it's cuz we were sick, I don't know. But lately it's just felt like off. Yeah. Aaron (22:08):But do you think that offness changes everyone's perspective? Jennifer (22:13):Maybe not. Maybe just mine. Okay. Speaker 3 (22:16):Okay. Aaron (22:17):All right. You ready for the last one? Jennifer (22:19):Maybe? Aaron (22:22):What do you think so far, Jennifer (22:24):The parenting one was probably the hardest, more, most emotional one. Aaron (22:28):And how do you feel overall? Do you feel? Jennifer (22:32):I feel really encouraged. And I don't know why you picked on me for this. Aaron (22:36):Well, you're my closest neighbor, so yeah, I just, yeah, this is the last one. You ready? Yep. Okay. You may not believe me, but I think you're one of the bravest and strongest women I know. Following me to Africa, starting businesses with me doing our own marriage retreat. Remember that? That was crazy. Writing. Not just one but 12 books. Having five children with me and doing any of the countless other things we have done in our life together. You are brave and strong and I admire you for that bravery and strength. Jennifer (23:23):Why are you crying? Aaron (23:24):I'm not. What are you talking about? Jennifer (23:27):I don't know if Aaron (23:28):He's, I'm still getting over my cold. Jennifer (23:30):Yeah. I don't know if you've ever told me I was brave before. Aaron (23:38):Well that's a shame. Oh, sorry. Jennifer (23:42):You've encouraged me a lot in that direction. I'm just saying using the word brave. I don't know. I don't think I've ever seen myself as someone that's brave. Maybe I am. Aaron (23:54):Do you feel like you might be brave more now than you did a moment ago? Jennifer (24:04):It makes me wanna be brave. Aaron (24:06):Well, like you said, you've never heard that. You wouldn't think of yourself that way. But now that it's been said, does it it give a leg to that thought? Jennifer (24:20):Yeah. Yeah. And you giving examples of the things that I've walked with you in, it's almost like in the moment they're easy yeses. Cause I trust you and I am like all Aaron (24:37):Four. They were not easy yeses. Jennifer (24:38):Yeses. They weren't easy yeses and they weren't easy to walk through. But I'm just saying, it's interesting looking at them in hindsight and saying, I was brave. But because in the midst of it I wasn't thinking, oh, I'm so brave, I'm going to do this thing. I was actually terrified and I was nervous and I, but I was with you. And so there was a comfortability in an element of believing that we could, Aaron (25:08):What's that song? You make me brave that. How does Jennifer (25:13):Yes. I just feel encouraged. And I think if we were able to do all of that, what could we do next? Aaron (25:21):What could we, I mean crazy. Almost anything. I think , what else? Jennifer (25:31):I don't know. My heart just feels light. I didn't expect that. Any of it. Aaron (25:38):Well you are pretty brave for having five kids. Jennifer (25:42):I do feel brave for that. Or crazy Both. I'm really, really happy that we had kids early in our marriage. I wasn't like eager to even think about kids. And I didn't know how to wrap my brain around it. Even when we found out we were pregnant with the first one. So to now look back and say, man, we have five kids. And that they're all growing up. They're getting old Aaron (26:07):People with ideas. Jennifer (26:09):It's wild stuff. It's so crazy. Aaron (26:12):It is. They can Jennifer (26:15):Do things, talk back. Speaker 3 (26:16):Yeah, Jennifer (26:17):That's true. Aaron (26:22):So I wanted to affirm you first and foremost cuz you deserve it. You're my wife and I love you. And (26:33):Telling you these things are not fake. They're not to embellish. They're purely to say what's fact and truth, which is what an affirmation should be. True, good things like that. Verse, whatever is good. Whatever is noble. Noble. And so I also wanted to do it for the listeners to hear what it sounds like to affirm your spouse. And also I wanted them to hear your responses to the affirmations because I think they're natural for us. It's hard for us to receive things like this because we have all sorts of thoughts for about ourselves. And rarely are those thoughts affirming. That's why there's this huge self-love movement of self-care and take care of yourself and speak good things to yourself and all these things. Because we don't naturally do that because we see ourselves, we think the clearest like, oh, look at that other thing I messed up on. I'll look at that. How I just did that. Oh, I yelled at the crazy critical I did. Oh, I was angry over here. Oh, I dropped the ball on this plan. I Jennifer (27:52):Feel like we never forget, either we're friends or spouse, they could easily forget that you said that thing or did something that you shouldn't have, but we never forget. And so we carry that around with us. Aaron (28:07):And so what do you think happens when we go out throughout our lives and the affirmations are far and fewer between? Yeah, we say we love each other, we enjoy company. We are nice to each other. All the things that you should be, but you don't intentionally go out of your way. I don't intentionally go out of my way to say and call out the good things in you. What do you end up hearing the most in your life? Jennifer (28:43):My own voice, Aaron (28:46):Which again, are rarely the good things. I have my own voices. I have my own sins that I know full well and the things that come up in my head and the things I say about myself and believe about myself. And then on top of that, we have an enemy who proclaims lies to us and points out things to us. And then we have not just that, but we also have all of the other things that we see in life that we can quickly, instantly compare ourselves to. None of those things affirm us. And so not that it needs to be what I just did. And I just went through seven things with you. We could be that. But if what would happen if everyone listening, every spouse just tried to make it a point to affirm their spouse every day in something. Say, man, you're such a good mom man. I love how you take care of the kids. Oh I love seeing you play and rolling around on the floor with the kids like it. What would happen if we began to speak better words out loud intentionally in front of our kids, in front of our spouse more regularly? What do you think would happen? Jennifer (30:05):I think it would positively reinforce the things that we do and will make us wanna keep doing those Aaron (30:14):Things well. And the true things that actually are there that we may be thinking lies about. Think about, I said you were brave and you're like, I don't think you've ever said that before. And then you said, I wouldn't see myself as brave. But now that you said it, now that you said all the things that I was brave in, I could see it just that one thing, that one phrase can give life to a part of you that you never had life before. And how powerful it is to speak these good words. Affirming words, encouraging words. (30:49):And what's interesting is it hard for us to hear our flesh is against it because we have a hard time believing them because of what we hear most of the time. We hear all the other things, I'm not brave, I'm not strong, I'm not a good mom, I'm not a good dad. So that's where our baseline is. So when we hear the affirm affirmation, which contradicts what we believe in our heads that we've heard and operated in, it stops us. And we're like, wait, what? And so what could happen if we just keep doing it and keep pushing through that? And will the voices in our heads change? Will the words that we hear in our heads change? I could do this. I messed up. I'm going to come back and I'm going to do it better. I'm going to change how I respond. I'm going to actually go and cuz I can do this. That's not who I am. Jennifer (31:47):I know we're recording this episode for our listeners, but I just feel really encouraged and inspired myself to wanna try this. And I'm thinking about our relationship, which I wanna share about in a second, but also just how important and vital this is to bring it to our children. And it makes me think, we just did something kind of similar with Wyatt for his birthday where we all went around and said one thing we love about Wyatt, and I love that kind of exercise or experience. And I think it really does pump them up in an encouraging way. But I'm thinking even just what you did with seven affirmations, but for each child, just making sure that they know without a shadow of a doubt, my love for them and what I think of them and what I perceive to be true in their life and their abilities. (32:42):I just think that's really powerful. And then on the note about our relationship, again, I know we're recording this so that those listening are encouraged, but I just wanna apologize to you for not being one who chooses to affirm as often as I choose to critique or call out things that I justify in my heart as well. This thing needs to be said. He needs to know he will be better. He will grow. If I tell him this thing he's messing up on or doing wrong and I'm very quick to point out the negative instead of saying the positive. And I'm sorry for that. Aaron (33:30):I Jennifer (33:30):Forgive you. And I wanna work on being an affirming wife. I do struggle with Aaron (33:34):That. And that's a good opposite to point out is the opposite of affirmations as critique is just constantly pointing out how we fail or how we didn't line up just right or how we didn't live up to an expectation. And that does the very opposite. That reinforces the negative thoughts, the mm-hmm. damaging thoughts. The lies. Which leads me to my final thought on this world is full of discouragement and we were just talking about we know full well, how shall I say crappy? We are right? Yeah. We know it really well. Mm-hmm. Better than most. We know we're really good at feeling shameful. We're really good at feeling weak. We're really good at believing we're useless or unworthy. These are we. This is not the hard stuff. This is the easy stuff. You fill in the blank of negative things that we think and say about ourselves daily or that other people say to us. Or like you said, that we say to each other when we are critical, overly critical when we're negative. (34:49):And so we have a lot of it like an abundance of accusations against us. It's literally what the devil does. He's the accuser. He accuses us of our failings and weaknesses. And that's that in reality, that is who we are with a sin nature that we have. But Christ has done something different. Christ has given us something more. Christ has made us one with himself. I was reading that devotional from Spurgeon this morning to the kids and it says that the body and the members are of the same substance as the head. And he brought up Nene's dream of the statue where there's the head of gold and then the silver and the bronze and the clay and the iron and all these different parts. And he is, none of those were the same. They were all mixed. The head was the best part and everything else below it was worse. And Spurgeon was saying, but not so with Christ. We are the same as the head. So if the head be righteous, we are righteous. If the had be pure, we are pure. If they had be gold, we are gold. And so that's the difference is there's, there's plenty of the hurtful, hateful, negative lies and destructive words in the world that we say to ourselves, that we hear from others, that we hear from every media outlet everywhere all the time nonstop. And the enemy himself, we can use a little bit more encouragement. Amen. Jennifer (36:22):Yep. Feels really good too. Aaron (36:24):It feels way better than critique. I can tell you that much. Yeah. And so I just, there's a couple of verses. Do you wanna add anything to that by the way? Yeah, it was really good. Okay. Philippians four, eight. It's very well known finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there's any excellence, if there's anything worthy of praise, think about these things. It's easy to see all the other things. It actually takes spiritual work to see these things. To look at someone and be like, well, where's their praiseworthy things in this person's life even though they've done this, this and this and this. How can I praise this person? How, what's honorable about this person even though they have failed here and have been honorable in this area. (37:15):Ephesians 4 29, let no crypting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear, did you feel like you were giving grace tonight? Because that's what words of affirmation do they build up. The Bible tells us that the power of life and death is in the tongue. It just is. We can bring life with our words or we can bring death with our words. And I wanted to bring you life tonight. I appreciate it. And I want everyone listening to practice this week and moving forward that they would see where areas in their spouse's life that they could just speak life like, man, I love how you said that to our son. That was so beautiful. I love how you just calling out the things that we love in someone. (38:12):Jor. Jordan Peterson says something recently that I was really encouraged by and it said, don't punish an action you want repeated. And it makes so much sense. How often do we punish someone's doing something, they're like, oh, you're bothering me. Stop doing that. When you're being playful with me and I get annoyed and I shouldn't, like I want you to be playful with me. Why would I punish you being playful with me? I shouldn't do that. So let's reward. Let's reward and make known and make visible and highlight and do everything we can to elevate the things that are worthy to elevate. And what will happen, I believe will, it'll actually minimize the things that we don't want elevated. Like we will. We'll see them less and they'll probably actually happened less. So that was the super secret episode. It was to affirm you and it was, Jennifer (39:02):I'll never do one of those again. Yes Aaron (39:04):You will. I hope you do one with me. Jennifer (39:07):That would be Aaron (39:08):Cool. Not the exact same one of course next season, but you could just trick me or Jennifer (39:13):Surprise me or something. Aaron (39:13):All right. Jennifer (39:15):But you like that kind of stuff? Aaron (39:16):Yeah, I do like the impromptu, who knows what's going on. But I Jennifer (39:21):Do, go ahead. No. Oh when you were talking, I wanted to share an experience I had recently. You were talking when you were talking about the lies that we say to ourselves and the things that we hear the critiques and the criticalness that we wrestle with in our internal dialogue. And I just wanted to share, a friend of mine was having a hard day and reached out and said, would you pray for me? And then left this note of the things that she was struggling with, including lies that she was believing about just how difficult parenting is and whether or not she was failing and other areas marriage was on their friendships having a life that's too busy and wanting to slow down and just Aaron (40:12):All the normal things. Jennifer (40:13):It was a lot. And with every word that I read I could relate to and say, yeah, me too. But I just wanna share that because one, I got to pray right away. Two, I got to send a response and encourage my friend and tell her what the truth was. And so I think to your point of we should be people who initiate affirmation. I think that's really important and really good. And it really does feel good on the receiving end to do that. But if you're in a place where you are suffering under the burden of thought of who you are and the things that you are trying to do day in and day out, reach out to a friend, tell your spouse, tell Aaron (40:55):Us. I'm giving it back to the beginning of the episode. I like it. What Jennifer (40:58):Community? Oh yeah, exactly. See I got this. I was just thinking how important it is to say something. Even if you don't wanna expose those lies that you're believing about yourself, it's so important to you because then the truth is revealed. And your friend or your spouse or your parents, whoever you tell, can encourage you in the truth and pray for you. Aaron (41:20):And the truth shall set you free. Jennifer (41:22):Seriously. Sometimes just getting those things out of your mind and helps. And I hope my friend was encouraged by what I shared with her. Aaron (41:32):Well she probably was Sure Jennifer (41:33):I know. , low view of Aaron (41:35):Self. Well I just thank you for letting me do that and indulging me. And I feel like it was really nice and I meant all of it. Jennifer (41:43):You almost got a tear outta me. Aaron (41:44):You teared up pretty good. . Not me at all. You did though. And I just, you listeners, I want you guys to do this week. Ask God to show you. And also I want you to recognize how much you need affirmation yourself, that you need to be reminded that you are loved by God and that you have His spirit and that you you're good. Even though we're bad , you're good cuz you have Christ and he's good. So babe, would you pray for us? Yeah. Jennifer (42:20):Dear Lord, thank you for giving us our spouse and for using them as a tool to grow us and mature us. Help us to encourage and affirm each other more often. Help us to be the tool you use to strengthen our spouse each day. Lord, show us how to see the good and noble and true and praiseworthy in each other every day. I pray that we would not be used by the enemy to speak destruction and death to each other, but rather we would fight against the lies of the enemy and continually believe the truth about ourselves. That you dwell in us and that you have fearfully and wonderfully made us in Christ Jesus. In Jesus name, amen. Thank you for joining us for another episode of the Marriage After God podcast. Aaron (43:01):If you found today's episode fun and encouraging, please take a moment to share it on social media or in an email to some of your married friends. Jennifer (43:07):Also, would you please take a moment and leave us a review, reviews help to spread the word about our podcast. Aaron (43:12):Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and you can always check out more of our resources @ marriageaftergod.com. Jennifer (43:18):You can follow us on social media from more marriage encouragement on Facebook and Instagram at marriage after God at Husband Revolution and at Unveiled Wife. Aaron (43:26):We hope you have an incredible week and look forward to sharing more with you next week on The Marriage After God podcast.  

This week's episode is brought to you by our 30-day marriage devotionals. Husband and wife after god. These devotionals were written to help you grow closer to your spouse and closer to God. We invite you to join the thousands of other marriages that have already taken the journey toward a deeper and more purposeful marriage.Also, with the holidays coming up, these devotionals will make a powerful and meaningful gift for the other married couples in your life. Get them today at shop.marriageaftergod.com or amazon.com  Forgiveness is the relief of tension in a relationship that has endured offense or conflict. Like holding a band and stretching it across your chest. Eventually, your muscles start to ache When I was thinking of this analogy I also thought…..If someone - we will say the person who caused the offense) is watching me hold this band and I release it to relax my arms. Their state or being is not affected like mine is. I get  relief from letting go. I bring this up because forgiveness in a relationship - although powerful to also be on the receiving end - has a powerful effect on the one who is forgiving. Now consider how Christ our Lord felt when He forgave all for sins. Whoa! We all have had countless opportunities to forgive others - especially our spouse - so let's talk more about it and how to do it when we don't feel like. Why should I forgive when I feel like they are wrong?Why does it feel hard to forgive? Why do I have to forgive? Why don't I want to forgive? How can I forgive if they have not repented?What if I forgive them and they do it again?Why should I forgive if they have not changed yet?If I forgive them then what they did just get overlooked and if it happens again? These are good questions and many we have all wrestled to answer. Let's take a look at one more important question…..Why does Jesus command us to forgive?[Mat 6:12-15 ESV] 12 and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. 14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.If forgiveness was a naturally occurring response to being wronged or hurt then there would be no need for the command. But the fact is that forgiveness is a very unnatural phenomenon. It goes against all our natural responses and desires. Forgiveness goes against our natural defense mechanisms and responses. Justice is a more natural response. No, forgiveness isn't something that comes from us at all. It is something we must do in the power of the Holy Spirit. It is something we must do out of obedience to God's word.True forgiveness can only happen when we understand the miracle that we ourselves have received forgiveness for trespassing against a perfect and Holy God.When we realize what it is that Christ did for us on that cross, we begin to see why we must also forgive others.To withhold forgiveness puts us in the place of God.

TAKE THE FREE MARRIAGE PRAYER CHALLENGEmarriageprayerchallenge.com We love friendship. And we have had a ton of different friendships over the years. Just thinking about all of the many places in the world we have had the opportunity to cultivate friendships at different times throughout our marriage blows my mind!It's like no matter where we have been, and no matter for how long, God provided real friendships - deep friendships. But it was up to us to make the choice to invest in those relationships and what they were like.With every one of them, it took time - to spend together and get to know. And there seemed always to be a moment of hard that challenged us and gave us the opportunity to press on in love in those friendships.There were also mistakes made on our part - things we could have done better to love our friends. To make things easier. Just like in marriage, when you are in close proximity to another sometimes there is friction. So we just wanted to touch on today the experiences we have had with friends and their importance.   

Pornography is all too common these days and sadly it is common even among believers. In this episode, we share How Aaron has been able to walk in freedom from this addiction for more than 6 years now and how you can too. We also talk about how you can help prepare and protect your children from this destructive sin. Romans 8:2 “For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” Rom 6:6 “We know that our old self[a] was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.” 1 Cor 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” What encouragement do we have for the Church, for those listening?[Tit 3:4-7 ESV] 4 But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.And since this is the truth!Lay it aside! [Heb 12:1 ESV] 1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,Flee from it[1Co 6:18 ESV] 18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.Kill it dead and gone once and for all[Rom 8:13 ESV] 13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.Draw near to god and believe the truth.James 4:8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.Not even a hint of it[Eph 5:1-3 ESV] 1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.Confess & Repentance and prayer.Make it a practice to confess and be honest about when you are weak and struggling. Pray with each other for strength and transformation in that area. And repent fully and truthfully. Repent from choosing this sin. Repent of the desire for it. James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. how to protect our children, how to equip them when it happens, and how to be open to talk about it with them. Talk to them about how to protect our bodies.Teach them how to protect their eyesDont let them have unattended time on devicesTeach them how not to look or use other people's devices.When the time is right tell them about itTeach them about God's design for sexuality.Dear Lord, Thank you for giving us freedom in Christ. Thank you for breaking the bonds of sin and death and for making it possible for us to walk with Jesus and be reconciled to you. You are so patient and kind to us and it is that kindness that leads us to repentance. Lord, help us to walk in purity every day and to grow more and more sensitive to the wicked things of this world. Lord, we pray for every husband and wife who may still feel enslaved to pornography and have believed the lie that they are. I pray they would believe the truth that they are already free. That they can choose to walk in the freedom and purity you died to give them. Open their eyes to the truth. Convince them that your sacrifice, your spirit, and your word are sufficient for us and that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. Renew us transform us and make us more like your son Jesus. Lord, tear down the stronghold the enemy has over the porn industry. Bring freedom and salvation to all those involved dissolves the influence it has in the church. Convict the hearts of those who continue to choose this sin and bring them to their knees  before your throne. Lord, purify your church.In Jesus' name AMEN!

This episode is sponsored by our book  Marriage After GodThis is a great marriage resource for anyone or any couple that is looking for something meaty that will inspire and challenge a little. It is a book we wrote together that dips into our story but also gets the reader to search out “what is God doing in my marriage” This book also spends quite a bit of time on finances and marriage, so if you want to dive deeper into today's topic we strongly encourage you to pick up a copy if you have not already! Marriage After God will put you on the path to exploring what God's purpose for your marriage is.Find it at amazon.com or shop.marriageaftergod.com  

If you have been blessed by our podcast, please consider supporting it by grabbing a copy of our 30-Day marriage devotionals.https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/collections/frontpage/products/husband-and-wife-after-god-devotional-bundle How to pace: Don't start out full force - reserve your energy for longevityMake a priority list - to set up for success - cut off outliersInclude rest - or else burnout Be patient - allows for disruptionDon't compare - it steals joy Check expectation - avoid disappointment