Podcasts about why because i'm

Have you fallen in love with the Wide Zone scheme? Do you want to learn more about Duo? Are you wanting to incorporate Boot and Naked plays in your offense? Then you will want to listen to this episode of Talking Football with Coach McKie. Why? Because I'm talking with the MAN Coach Codutti. You'll learn from this episode: WHY you need to run the Wide Zone Scheme WHAT the difference is between Wide Zone and Outside Zone HOW to run Duo from 10 and 11 personnel WHY you need BOOTS and NAKEDS in your life Thanks for Listening! To share your thoughts: Leave a note in the comment section below. Buy My Simplified Air Raid Book Buy my Pin and Pull eBook Buy my Simplifying the Air Raid Quick Game video Get a free eBook on Air Raid Drills. Get a free eBook on The One-Back Power RPO. Follow me on Instagram. Follow me on Twitter. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel. Join our Facebook Group Grab a free audiobook from Amazon. [Affilate Link]. Football Coaching Podcast Become a Ron McKie Football Member To help out the show: Leave an honest review on iTunes and Sticher. Your ratings and reviews really help and I read every single one. Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and Sticher. Show Notes: Coach Codutti's Twitter - https://twitter.com/coachcodutti Coach Codutti's YouTube Coach Codutti Wide Zone Clinic

https://youtu.be/NxeKKcb4RZ4 Does your school not put enough emphasis on lifting weights? Are you sick of the 'One Size Fits All' weight programs you find online? Do you want a program that ALL athletic programs use at your school? Then you will want to listen to today's episode of Talking Football with Coach McKie. Why? Because I'm talking with weight lifting guru Deerick Smith on creating a weight lifting program for YOUR SCHOOL! You'll learn from this episode: WHY your kids need to be lifting weights HOW those 'One Size Fits All' programs hurt your program WHAT you need to do to improve weight lifting culture HOW to use other sports to help your weight lifting program Thanks for Listening! To share your thoughts: Leave a note in the comment section below. Buy My Simplified Air Raid Book Buy my Pin and Pull eBook Buy my Simplifying the Air Raid Quick Game video Get a free eBook on Air Raid Drills. Get a free eBook on The One-Back Power RPO. Follow me on Instagram. Follow me on Twitter. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel. Join our Facebook Group Grab a free audiobook from Amazon. [Affilate Link]. Football Coaching Podcast Become a Ron McKie Football Member To help out the show: Leave an honest review on iTunes and Sticher. Your ratings and reviews really help and I read every single one. Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and Sticher. Show Notes: Coach Deerick Smith's Twitter - https://twitter.com/coachdeesmith

What's up everyone! I am very excited to talk about the HPA Axis and how we overwork it too much and how it causes chronic illness and disease. On today's Podcast, we discuss: The HPA (Hypothalamus-Pituitary-Adrenal) AxisHow the HPA Axis functionsHow does chronic stress (fight or flight) contribute to chronic illness?What can you do about it to help return to homeostasisYou have a purpose! Check out the show notes from today's episode: Frank: (00:00)Are you overstressed and not sleeping really good and are you like super anxious about everything? Let's face it, are you putting on a little bit of weight and you just kinda don't understand why? Well, pay attention to this podcast because this podcast is going to describe something called the HP a access and how it is lending itself to frantic inflammation, chronic disease, and a lot of symptoms that we really just can't put our finger on and why we are getting those symptoms. So stay tuned. New episode, coming up on unconventional wellness radio. I am Frank, I am your host. I'm excited to bring you this information, so stick around and we'll talk soon. Frank: (00:38)Hey everyone. Welcome to unconventional wellness radio. It's a powerful and inspiring podcast set to revolutionize and disrupt healthcare. It's time to put you in the driver's seat. That'd be the force of change necessary for the lifestyle you've always wanted. Frank: (00:53)Hey everyone. I know it's been a little while since we've done a Facebook live or even a podcast and I apologize for that actually. I think it's been like one week, but the reason why is because I had the grateful opportunity to be able to attend this conference. There was a stakeholder conference down for the farmer veteran coalition down in Austin, Texas. And I was there for, I think it was like three or four days. And quite honestly, whenever you do something like that, you just, I know you kind of fall off the map. But anyway, we're back and we're here to talk about unconventional wellness and uh, and yeah, I am extremely excited to talk about this topic. Why? Because I'm a bit of a nerd and I sure do love talking about science. And so, uh, I feel that if we, if we discuss that, by the way, let me show you this mug. Frank: (01:40)This was actually like one of my, I'm going to start doing all of my like fun. I'm going to start doing all of my like fun holiday mugs now. Yes, I know it's not quite Thanksgiving yet and darn, and I've already pulled out a Christmas bug, but here's the deal. This is my, this is my rationale for awhile. Okay. Please don't think under any circumstances. I want to like overshadow Thanksgiving just because, um, I'm looking at Christmas instead. Instead, I had the conscious discussion with my wife and the reason why we decided to slowly trickle out some of the Christmas stuff is because of the fact that Thanksgiving was late this month, this year. Right. So like, I mean it's on the 28th. So yes, I am not decorating the outside of the home, I believe until after Thanksgiving as well. No Christmas music has been played, at least not yet. Frank: (

This episode of Talking Football with Coach McKie is a special one. Why? Because I'm interviewing the Godfather of the Air Raid - Hal Mumme. That's right. I got Hal Mumme to talk all things Spread Air Raid Offense. And it was amazing. So sit back, relax, and enjoy learning from the Air Raid Master himself. NOTE: Coach Mumme has a course on CoachTube. You can find it here-->Hal Mumme's Air Raid Certified Course. Use the coupon code 'airmckie' to get 50 dollars off. You'll learn from this episode: Why you need to throw the ball What Coach Mumme's SECOND favorite play is Why you need to recruit the baseball team What to do when things aren't going your way How the Air Raid is doing in the XFL Thanks for Listening! To share your thoughts: Leave a note in the comment section below. Buy My Simplified Air Raid Book Buy my Pin and Pull eBook Buy my Simplifying the Air Raid Quick Game video Get a free eBook on Air Raid Drills. Get a free eBook on The One-Back Power RPO. Follow me on Instagram. Follow me on Twitter. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel. Join our Facebook Group Grab a free audiobook from Amazon. [Affilate Link]. Football Coaching Podcast Become a Ron McKie Football Member To help out the show: Leave an honest review on iTunes and Sticher. Your ratings and reviews really help and I read every single one. Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and Sticher. Show Notes: Hal Mumme's Air Raid Certified Course -->Use the coupon code 'airmckie' for 50 dollars off Spread Air Raid Mesh Concept

Are here any listeners from Uzbekistan? Today my podcast is about your language and country. Why? Because I'm learning Uzbek. Let's go!You can find a full transcript of this episode and some exercises to review grammar and vocabulary on my blog: https://wp.me/p4D8ou-17qIf you like my podcast, support me on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/ioannesoculusIn the podcast, I used "Sing Swing Bada Bing" Doug Maxwell/Media Right Productions; source: https://www.youtube.com/audiolibrary/music (attribution not required)

Gardening is always a little win some, lose some. But this episode is 100% "lose some." Why? Because I'm hoping you'll learn from my mistakes! Which will make me feel a whoooole lot better about them. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/growyourownfood/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/growyourownfood/support

When I met AnnMaria in 2003 she was two decades removed from her life as a world champion Judoka. She was an entrepreneur, with a masters degree and she was also a widow, raising four daughters. One of her girls was on the way to the Olympics to compete in the sport she helped pioneer. Judo. I could tell that both of these women had a force in them, that was unstoppable. But when things went south at the games in Athens, I thought "This is not going to end well" Why? Because I'm an idiot. Join me for a conversation about everything from parenting, to education to transgender athletes. It's a great talk with a mother, an educator and a take-no-prisoners human with the mindset of a champion. AnnMaria Demars Seven Generation Games - www.7generationgames.com/ Instagram - www.instagram.com/annmaria7gen/ Live Learn Repeat Instagram - www.instagram.com/livelearnfreddy/ Twitter - twitter.com/LiveLearnFreddy @LiveLearnFreddy

Girl, you need to hear this episode. Like really HEAR it. I hesitated to even share this podcast episode with you. Why? Because I'm a confidence and body image coach and I had a moment recently about my body that made me cringe. It made me feel like a fraud for a hot minute. I saw myself in a tagged photo and I wanted to run away. I was mortified. All of those inner fat girl thoughts were on blast inside my head. I had to reel myself in and shift my mindset. The old me would have wallowed in a pity party and played the victim. While also thinking about the best yo-yo diet to get the weight off. My old way of thinking was all or nothing. Everything has shifted and changed for me because of the Irresistible You framework that I teach in my signature course. Go get you something to drink and listen up because you NEED to hear this episode. Things Mentioned in This Episode:Book a Confidence Clarity Call with AimeeSign Up For My Free Masterclass Show NotesJoin the FREE Facebook GroupFollow me on InstagramThe Irresistible You JournalDownload Your FREE Action Plan – How to Look & Feel Irresistible at any sizeJoin My Group Coaching Course: Irresistible You

Blakie-exclusive Christmass Nuzlocke 01 In December of 2018 I made this special secret nuzlocke series as part of a "secret santa" gift exchange. I made this whole six episode series and then I burned it on to CDs, and then I sent it to Blakie from https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/anchor-podcasts/luckless the luckless podcast. And now I'm finally making it public! You can all listen too! Why? Because I'm too lazy to do a real episode! Hope you like it! and be sure to stick around for the special new Daniel K Officially Reviews Music segment at the end.

Do you want an edge over a team that DOESN'T rely on changing your scheme? Do you want to create SUPERIOR blocking angles for your team to gain an advantage? Do you want to pack the box to get a better One-on-One for your STUD wide receiver? Then you NEED to listen to today's episode of Talking Football with Coach McKie. Why? Because I'm talking with Coach Shea Monroe about all of these topics in the first Live Online Coaching Clinic. Coach Monroe talks about why he loves Power and Counter, a little tweak he made to Counter that has produced AMAZING results, why loading the box is better for your wide receiver, and how amazing his Alabama Spread and Defensive Clinic is. You'll learn from this episode: Why Power is better than Inside Zone A tweak to Counter that creates MASSIVE results What formation gives you SUPERIOR blocking angles How STACKED the Alabama Spread and Defensive Clinic is Why getting everyone in the box is better for your WR Thanks for Listening! To share your thoughts: Leave a note in the comment section below. Buy my Pin and Pull eBook Buy my Simplifying the Air Raid Quick Game video Get a free eBook on Air Raid Drills. Get a free eBook on The One-Back Power RPO. Follow me on Twitter. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel. Grab a free audiobook from Amazon. [Affilate Link]. Football Coaching Podcast Become a Ron McKie Football Member To help out the show: Leave an honest review on iTunes and Sticher. Your ratings and reviews really help and I read every single one. Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and Sticher. Show Notes: First Interview with Coach Shea Monroe Tickets for Alabama Spread and Defensive Clinic Stream the Alabama Spread and Defensive Clinic

Weird ep warning: I'm calling in a quick favor today, dude. Would LOVE and so appreciate it if you'd play along! If you've enjoyed any or all of these podcast episodes, this week I'm (selfishly and shamelessly) asking you to take two minutes (or less) to leave a rating + review to tell me so. WHY? Because I'm at the very beginning (fun AND awkward) stages of writing my first book, have NO shortage of ideas, and could use some aligned human (aka dreamie) reflections to serve as bumpers in the bowling lane at the moment. This review doesn't need to be fancy, clever, or any certain length. TRUTH is what I'm looking for. I'd just love to know why you tune in to this podcast. It can be a particular message or solo episode... a key takeaway, perspective shift, or even a feeling. Just let me know you're out there - and what you're getting from these convos we've been having in my guest room studio ;) BONUS: If you're listening to this LIVE as it goes up - when you leave a review, screenshot it, and tag me @nikkielledgebrown in your Instastory between now and Friday 12/21/18, you'll be on the short list of potential dreamies who could win a free 1:1 sesh with me. And finally - if you love the idea of working with me 1:1 - personalized pep talks, reality checks, friendtorship sessions, etc. - GOOD! Because I'm opening up a few 1:1 spots for 2019. Visit http://workwithnikki.com to apply and tell me more about what you're looking for. If I think we'd make a great match, I'll let you know, and if not, I'll do my best to point you in the direction of someone or something that can help you with your next right step. Sound good? SWEET! Meet me in the ep if you want more details, or tap on over to leave your review now. THANK YOU in advance for making the time

Do you ever feel like there’s a barrier between what you know about how to have a good relationship, and what you actually do? How do you take what we know about the science of relationships, combine it with the wisdom of our hearts and our quest for deeper meaning, and integrate it into something practical? Today we’re going to get practical, integrated, and Integral with a return visit from Keith Witt, whose new book Loving Completely: A Five Star Practice for Creating Great Relationships was just released. Keith Witt has conducted more than 55,000 (!!) therapy sessions, and is also often featured on Jeff Salzman’s The Daily Evolver podcast. He is truly gifted at taking the “big picture” and making it useful for a daily lives. Loving Completely is a manual for how to not only set a higher standard for what’s possible in your relationship, but you also get simple steps that get you there. Also, please check out our first two episodes with Keith Witt - Episode 80: Bring Your Shadow into the Light and Episode 13: Resolve Conflict and Create Intimacy through Attunement. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Sponsors: Along with our amazing listener supporters (you know who you are - thank you!), this week's episode has two great sponsors, each with a special offer for you. Casper.com provides ultra-comfy mattresses and other products to help you get a restful night’s sleep. You can try out a Casper mattress for 100 nights - and if you’re not completely satisfied return it for a full refund. As a Relationship Alive listener, they are offering you $50 OFF select mattresses - terms and conditions apply. Just visit Casper.com/alive and use the coupon code “ALIVE” at checkout. RxBar.com makes a whole food protein bar that’s super-tasty - Chloe and I almost always have these with us to help us stay nourished on the go. They’re healthy, easy to digest, and have simple ingredients with no added sugar - plus they’re gluten/dairy/soy-free. You can get 25% OFF your first order by visiting RxBar.com/alive and using the coupon code “ALIVE” at checkout. Resources: Check out Keith Witt’s website Read Keith Witt’s new book: Loving Completely: A Five Star Practice for Creating Great Relationships Check out Keith Witt’s other books as well! FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide - perfect help for handling conflict… Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Relationship (ALSO FREE) www.neilsattin.com/completely Visit to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Keith Witt. Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. We're trying to change culture with this show and I am so appreciative as always of your being here with me to evolve what is actually possible for us in terms of our relationships, and we know more about how to relate with other people than we've ever known before. We know more about the science. We know more about our spirit and how that factors in. We know more about the power of mindfulness. We know more about how our hearts interact with other hearts. It's all taking shape in a way that's very unique, and what we are trying to do here is to not only talk about it, but make it so practical for you so that you can put this stuff into use in your relationship. And so you can talk to other people and say, "Hey, like you're having a hard time, you know, check out this episode on Relationship Alive where you will get your problem solved or see a light at the end of this dark tunnel," that, let's face it, sometimes we're in a dark tunnel in our relationship, it's part of what happens. Neil Sattin: So, I'm overjoyed today to have a returning guest, someone who has been on the show twice, and he's here today to talk about and celebrate really the release of his latest book called Loving Completely. I'm talking about Dr. Keith Witt, who you may know through his appearances on The Daily Evolver or you may have heard him here on Relationship Alive. He was here in Episode 80 where we were talking about shadow and he was also here way back in Episode 13 talking about Attunement and how important that is. So he is back on the show. And we will have a detailed transcript of this episode. If you want to get that, just visit neilsattin.com/completely as in Loving Completely or you can as always text the word Passion to the number 33444 and follow the instructions and we'll send you a link where you can download this transcript, and all our other transcripts and show guides. Neil Sattin: So today, we're going to talk about what it means to love completely, and how that's maybe different than your standard kind of relationship and why it actually helps you deepen and deepen what's possible for you in partnership. I think that's all I have to say for the moment. Keith Witt, it is such a treat as always to have you back here on Relationship Alive. Keith Witt: Great to be with you, Neil. Neil Sattin: So, let's just start there. Loving completely. Now, I know that some of the book is based on a course that you did in the integral world called Loving Completely. Why loving completely? What was the inspiration for you for that title versus just like, How to Have a Kickass Relationship? [chuckle] Keith Witt: That's not a bad title. [chuckle] I've been doing therapy and writing and teaching for 44 years and I have studied dozens of brilliant people. And most people, most researchers, their understanding comes from how they came to establish mastery in their areas of psychotherapy or of understanding. Esther Perel, for instance, worked a lot with couples where people were unfaithful, and so she is oriented according to how sexuality ebbs and flows and manifests and affects relationships in her work. Stan Tatkin came from attachment theory and interpersonal neurobiology and his system is heavily oriented in that direction. John Gottman is a pure social scientist. I mean, the way that he found his wife was he went on 50 dates in 60 days and she was the outlier whom he married. He did it like a science experiment. And so his approach is social science. He uses social science to find what works and doesn't work and so on. Keith Witt: So, everybody comes from their orientation and they're all right. But in Integral Psychology, we say that everybody gets to be right, but nobody gets to be right all the time. And so, most of us who work with couples and individuals have found that people are wildly unique, and people have different languages and understandings that help them love better. And so I was interested in an orienting system, where you could start with basic principles and practices and they could lead you in the direction that you were most open to in terms of helping you grow and transform in your ability to be intimate with the different parts of yourself and be effectively intimate with other people and especially with your chosen partner in a long-term lover relationship. Keith Witt: And so that motivated me. That was a challenge. How do you get oriented in that fashion? And so out of that came the Loving Completely Course and then out of that course came, I wanted to expand the ideas and present a deeper dive into a lot of the constructs and so I wrote the Loving Completely book, which is gonna come out soon, and that's what oriented me in terms of and inspired me in terms of writing this book. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I like that picture of completeness, not only in terms of what it inspires me to think about and how I conduct my relationship, the process of my relationship, but also the willingness to look across the spectrum of what's available to help you that you don't have to be confined just because so and so says that their thing works 85% of the time. If it doesn't work for you, you're not screwed like there are other options for you that might be effective for you. And so there's that completeness of like, "Oh, the whole world is available for me to actually help me get this. Get this right." Keith Witt: Yes, and we live in an age where there's a cornucopia of great knowledge available to us and especially around intimacy and around relationships. And so let me explain. I'm gonna talk mostly about a committed intimate relationship like a marriage, a long-term love affair, and so on, though these principles apply to lots of relationships, parental relationships, sibling relationship, friend relationships, and so on. But a relationship of marriage is basically a friendship, a love affair, a capacity to notice and repair injuries and ruptures, and a mutual commitment to each other's evolution. If those four components are attended to on a daily basis, couples tend to do well. If one of those lapses in some fashion, suffering occurs and suffering in relationship tends to spiral into separation. And this is one of the reasons why half the marriages end in divorce. Keith Witt: And so that's a great picture of a good relationship, but how do we do that? How do we establish that? And just like any area of mastery, what you do is you pick a goal, you get ignited. I wanna have great relationships. You find data and information and master coaching in the world, and then you break it up into chunks and you do focus practice on those chunks and with a growth mindset of effort and progress is what matters. We're not trying to get anywhere, we're just trying to have effort and progress. You gradually can establish mastery in this area of loving, loving another person, helping another person love you and... Go on. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And so a couple of things are coming up for me right now. One is, we're talking here, we're on a show where we are focused about, we're coming from a growth mindset. And I can't tell you how many times I read something or I have this conversation with you or someone like you and I have that light bulb moment of like, "Oh right, this is how I've been seeing it, and I could be open to a different perspective here and that actually might serve me a lot better." So let's just start with maybe the hardest question which a lot of people who listen to the show are gonna be asking which is like, "Alright, you said growth mindset. And now, I just know that this ain't happening because my partner, like that's the problem, they don't have a growth mindset, and they're fixed and they're shut down. And I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying." I know, in the 65,000 or more sessions you've done with people, you've come up against this with couples and I'm curious to know how you help inspire both people in a moment like this. Keith Witt: A human super power is our ability to receive caring influence. That is a super power. And it's more difficult than it sounds. Receiving caring influence means that you allow yourself to change how you think and what you do in response to someone else trying to help. Now, when people get threatened, when people feel insecure, when they feel unsafe, their nervous systems get more rigid. Your slower thinking frontal cortex gets inhibited and your faster thinking brainstem takes charge. And one of the ways to take charge is it resists receiving influence. And so if you have a partner that is resisting receiving influence, it probably means that in a particular level they feel unsafe. Keith Witt: And so when someone comes in or a couple comes in, part of my job is to help that first person feel safe. And generally the way that I help people feel safe is through compassionate understanding. I know that at the core of everyone, there is a little interface between them and spirit. Patricia Albere in the evolutionary collective calls that the origin point, in the traditions she called that out man's soul, that kind of thing. That's how I identify people. And so, my job is to connect with that spot in them and then help them feel understood by me. And as we go into that understanding, we find a place where they feel threatened, where they resist influence. And the place where you resist influence and you feel threatened is also the place where you're yearning for something, you're yearning for love, you're yearning for security, you're yearning for passion, you're yearning to be known deeply. Keith Witt: And as I help someone feel safe and as I help them understand their yearning, we can begin to open up a little bit to how those yearnings can be met in their relationship. They can be met by their partner, and I can help their partner help this other person feel safe. By the very act of coming to a therapist, people have gone to an environment where they've acknowledged, "We can't help each other feel safe enough to change, we need somebody else to provide a little bit more safety." And so that's a central part of what therapists do. Now, does that work all the time? Nothing works all the time. Does it work a lot? Yeah, it does. And if your partner seems impenetrable, then what you wanna do is you wanna say, "Well, look, let's get some help. Let's find somebody that you trust and let's get them to help us love each other better. Let's get them to help us be more connected." Keith Witt: And you take a stand for that. And if your partner can't do it, you go get help and then that person helps you encourage your partner to get help. And so that's how it goes. Usually that ends up with both people getting into therapy, but not always. And frankly, it's just a bad sign. If somebody is having problems and refuses therapy, that predicts marital dissolution pretty reliably in a lot of cases, and that's just the way it works. If you take a rigid position, particularly in the 21st century with your partner, and refuse to work on things that are disturbing to them, that will separate you and those separations get worse, they don't get better. So those are the ruptures and repairs that are so important. They need to be repaired. And they're repaired when we're making that condition better, when we're working at loving each other better. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And this, I think, is so important because it's tempting, especially as you read a lot of, let's just say, self-help books about relationship which you might be doing if there are some issues going on or you might be doing even if you're like, "I just wanna know how to do this better," and kudos to you if that's what you're doing. Keith's book is great for that. It can be tempting to think like, "Okay, well, I'm gonna go into this with my partner like a therapist would. Like now I'm armed with all this new knowledge and I'm gonna bring it into my relationship." Neil Sattin: And to some level, I think that is helpful, but what I'm hearing from you that I think is so key for people to get is that the real gem that happens in a good therapy, in a good therapeutic setting, is creating that safety and being seen without judgment, being seen with compassion, and from that everything else can grow. I would think that it's rare that someone comes in, and you're not just instructing them, right? I mean I sure don't. In my coaching practice, we're not saying, "You're doing this wrong, you're doing relationship wrong, so let me just tell you how to do it right, and then you're all set, you're then free to go." Keith Witt: Yeah. Well, that would be great [chuckle] if it worked. You know, when I wrote a book on Integral Psychotherapy called Waking Up and in that I said what an integral psychotherapist does is relate, teach, inspire, confront, interpret, and direct and relating is first. If someone is open to learning a new perspective, they're open to receiving influence, in other words they get influenced to change what they think and do. A lot of therapy is just getting 80% of therapy is getting to the point where someone feels safe enough to be willing to do that. And, yes, we don't do that with our partners. I have two kids, they're grown 33 and 30, and wife, and I don't give them any input unless they ask specifically for it. And the reason why I've done that is because I realized as our family was developing that I didn't have a contract with them, like I did with my clients, and that actually interfered with our relationship if I offered input that wasn't requested or welcomed. Keith Witt: And so I'm way more conservative when it comes to my opinions or my observations with my own family. Why? Because I'm not there primarily to enlighten them or to help them, I'm there to support the intersubjectivity of our relationships. I'm there to support our love for each other. And supporting our love for each other means having this relationship on a psychological spiritual level, we're experiencing ourselves as having equal power, equal credibility, equal say in the important aspects of our life around money, sex, parenting, time, that kind of stuff. And then all that stuff needs to be negotiated in a dialectic. And the dialectic is two people looking for deeper truth, respecting each other, open to each other, as influence, and acknowledging their individual rights. And that's called a growth hierarchy. Keith Witt: It's a power hierarchy but it doesn't look like a power hierarchy because when people are going back and forth in that environment, you're not noticing how one person has a little more credibility, a little more power than the other person does because there's a flow back and forth in the integral cosmology, that's called the second tier. That's a particular kind of relating. Now, when people get threatened, they go into dominator hierarchies. You stop receiving influence and you're trying to bully the other person or convince the other person or submit even to the other person. That dominator hierarchy can get something done, but it contaminates a relationship. And an awful lot of work, whether therapist know it or not, when they're working with couples is noticing that shift in the dominator hierarchies, and then interrupting it and encouraging couples to go back into growth hierarchies where they're looking for deeper truth, more open to influence, being respectful, allowing each other individual rights. Keith Witt: And just that, just paying attention. And that can transform your whole relational universe. Particularly, you can transform a universe relating to other people because once you start noticing those things you see growth hierarchies and dominator hierarchies everywhere. And if you have a moral sense of standing for growth hierarchies, that means that whenever you're around you wanna generate them. And if there's a dominator hierarchy happening, you wanna start working to shift that into a growth hierarchy. Nowhere is that more important than in your end of the relationship. Neil Sattin: Yeah, and this is something that comes up a lot actually in our Facebook group and just because we're here. I'm curious of your perspective on this. A lot of my listeners have actually been married and gotten divorced, and now they're working on their next big love, let's say. And so, of course, that introduces all kinds of other dynamics with former partners, their new partners, and that's a situation that's ripe for power struggles and dominator hierarchies to emerge. So, I'm curious like if you're a growth-oriented person and you're just getting hammered by a dominator, what's a good pathway through to navigate through that, that you might offer someone? Keith Witt: Well, first of all, that is the... Particularly for educated people in this country, generally they go through at least two major intimate relationships, sometimes more. I was a hippie back in the '60s and '70s, so I had a three-year relationship where we didn't get married but essentially it was the first marriage. So that's very common. And when there's children and in-laws, you are bringing other people in and other responsibilities. Stan Tatkin says, calls it The Rule of Thirds. And he makes a point that I agree with. Yes, there's a lot of added complexity that comes when people have a second or third serious relationship, but that is simplified if you recognize the primacy of the intimate bond. The primacy, there's a reason that they call it a primary relationship, and that primary relationship is we wanna maintain this container in integrity, we wanna have this container be as clean and as pure and as beautiful as possible, and that means our friendship, our love affair, our capacity to heal injuries, and our commitment to mutual evolution comes first. And then everything else gets organized around that. Keith Witt: What that does is it gets you oriented in terms of other demands, say there's an ex-spouse that is aggressive, this happens sometimes. Or punitive, people get angry after a separation, and often separations are expensive, and they're difficult, and people are more egocentric and distressed cells will come out and then they don't have much contact with each other, which makes it easier to objectify each other and see each other in negative black and white terms. Well, that's not good for anybody. It's particularly not good for children. Children of the divorce who have parents who are acrimonious with each other do worse. They have more symptoms and they have more problems. And so you don't wanna encourage that. You wanna discourage that. How do you do that? Keith Witt: Well, there's two of general ways of dealing with other people. There's what you and I are doing now, which is relating. Relating is we're just telling our truth, we're respecting each other, we got individual rights, and we're both open to caring influence. You tell me something that's a better idea than something I got. I'll change my idea and change how I think in what I do. That's relating and relating is a superior way of being. But say, somebody can't relate. Well, then you handle them. And how do you handle them? You handle them so that they can't successfully dominate in a dominator hierarchy and you make it easier for them to relate. For instance, you set boundaries. So this happens all the time, when one ex-spouse wants special privileges and comes to feel entitled to it because the other person just tries to say yes rather than thinks in a larger sense about what's gonna make this a more coherent relationship. Keith Witt: So then what you do is you start setting boundaries around whatever the dissolution agreement was. You don't say yes unnecessarily. And if someone is acting in a disrespectful fashion, you disengage. You set a boundary. Okay. So over time, this influences the other person to be more respectful. It's very much like parenting a child. And it's similar because when people are in defensive states, basically they've regressed to child ego states. And so you don't have to be... You can be respectful, but you need to be firm. I'm respectful of my four-year-old who doesn't wanna get in the car and go to the dentist, but I am firm. You're gonna have to get in the car and go to the dentist and that's all there's to it. So, respectfully, get in the car, we're going to the dentist. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: You spoke in Loving Completely. And I wanna dive more into the meat of the matter here momentarily. You spoke about your commitment to more and more interacting with the world from a place of loving kindness and compassion. Keith Witt: Yes. Neil Sattin: And even then, you mentioned that there are some relationships and connections that you've had to let go of. Keith Witt: Yes. Neil Sattin: And I'm curious for you, what does that barometer like in terms of you knowing like, "Okay, I guess I've done all I can do here," versus like, "You know what? I'm gonna keep trying. I have faith in this particular container that it will ultimately yield to the power of a growth mindset and relating. Keith Witt: Well, first of all, it of course depends on the nature of the relationship. You know, loving-kindness is a practice. And we can all do it now because it's a wonderful practice to get yourself into a place where you are available to engage in a mature and healthy activity, and here's how you do it. You imagine some other person. So I'm imagining you right now and then I am reaching out from my heart, to your heart, and in my mind, I'm saying to myself from my heart to your heart, "May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you have an easeful life." And as I do that, I am changing my state. Now, if I do that with... If you're my lover and I do that when we are in conflict, my defensive state, because I'm in, we are in conflict, all communication is complimentary, we're probably both in defensive states that are self-amplifying which is by defensive states we are so dangerous as couples. What I'm doing is I am now shifting into another state of consciousness where instead of allowing my nervous system to relate to you as an unsafe person, that I am objectifying to a certain extent. Keith Witt: Now, I'm relating to you as someone I care about and that shifts my state. Now, as I do that, if we're around each other and you can see into my eyes, or hear my voice, your state begins to shift out of defensive state into a state of healthy response to the present moment. And so loving-kindness meditation is a wonderful practice to learn how to do when you're stressed because it shifts your state into an area where you have access to your frontal lobes, you have access to your deep wisdom and you're regulating your defensive states into your more mature and more powerful states of conscious awareness and compassionate understanding. Keith Witt: And I encourage everybody who's listening to do it at this moment. Imagine somebody, you can imagine me if you want, I'd take all the loving-kindness that the... [chuckle] people could give, your heart to that person's heart. And in your mind, say, "May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you have an easeful life." And see how it feels. Interestingly, when people did this meditation, they had anti-inflammatory genes activated in their bodies and antiviral genes activated in their bodies that this meditation made their immune systems more robust, by shifting the myelinazation patterns of their genetic expression. That's how powerful this is. Neil Sattin: Well, well, and... Yeah, I'm just struck by that like we talk about our anger being inflamed and how interesting that anti-inflammatory actions take place when we go into a place of loving-kindness like that. Keith Witt: It's amazing. Neil Sattin: And I'm thinking too about my own experience with Chloe and we're doing really well together. Not that we haven't had our challenges and despite doing really, really well together when something happens and one of us goes to that defensive state and we both end up there even... I guess what I'm saying is, even in the best of relationships, and you talk about this with Becky as well, it can be such a challenge, such an effort to even utter within, oh, you know, much less saying it out loud to your partner, if you happen to be in their presence. But within like, "May you be safe, may you be loved." I think if you're thinking back to a time when you had an argument with your partner, you'll get what I'm talking about that, it's like the last thing you wanna do. Keith Witt: That's right. Neil Sattin: And yet it has so much power if you can somehow do it. Keith Witt: Yeah. What helps me with this is understanding that those defensive states that you enter when you're mad at each other, those were evolutionary milestones for the human species. And most of our brain is designed to relate with other people and there's a lot of good evidence that one of the reasons that brain size expanded about two million, three million years ago is because the level of complexity in human groups went up, and we needed to have more brain power to be able to relate with each other. And in those primitive tribes, there were social organizations just like there are in primate groups and that meant when there was a problem that couldn't be resolved cooperatively people went into dominance displays because the dominance hierarchies are what maintained the social fabric. Keith Witt: And what they would do, they were programmed to do genetically is to raise their emotional intensity to intimidate the other person into taking an inferior place or the dominance hierarchy or to have you submit in a way that would happen before physical violence could take place, which would maintain the integrity of the social structure and protect people from hurting each other because evolutionarily speaking, the biggest threat to humans, for the last couple of million years, have been other humans. Keith Witt: Now, what modern consciousness is brought to bear is way more powerful ways of dealing with conflict, way more sophisticated ways. And so when those defensive states are activated if I know that if I can engage in collaborative, two men in problem solving with this person, what that does is it opens up a possibility for this moment to enhance our personal evolution, this moment to make our love deeper, to support our friendship and our love affair. If I know that, if I can just have the faintest memory of that, then I can start working at soothing myself and soothing you and inviting you into that process to create that container of that dialectic. That container of mutual respect and individual rights and looking for a deeper truth and receiving influence. And when we do that a hundred times or a thousand times and discover how well it works, how it creates these miracles of consciousness, then what we've done is we've taken those primitive impulses and we've included and transcended them in the more sophisticated influences. Keith Witt: And you know in our last talk, I talked about how what we're actually doing is growing our shadow selves. We're growing our unconscious. Our unconscious becomes more complex and it regulates outside of our awareness so that it gets easier and easier to reach for these better states. Now, every once in a while, we get triggered usually from a trauma memory and bam, here comes the defensive state, it happens in 60 milliseconds. We have amplified our numb emotions, distorted perspective, destructive impulses, and diminish capacities for empathy and self-reflection like that. But if you can learn to self-observe that, what you end up doing is instead of trusting all that stuff, trusting that distorted perspective, trusting those destructive impulses, going along with that lack of self-reflection and empathy and say, "No, no, I'm actually in a disadvantage state now I need to reach for something that is more powerful," like compassionate understanding that provides the impetus interiorly to do that for yourself. And then when you are doing that for yourself, you're non-verbally and verbally encouraging your partner to do the same. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Keith Witt: And this... Neil Sattin: May I offer just a quick example of that? Keith Witt: Sure. Neil Sattin: So just the other night, I was with Chloe and we were talking about something, she was going to cover for me for something, and she made a comment like, "This is actually the last thing I wanna do, it sounds horrible to me, but I'm gonna do it but it sounds horrible." And I immediately went into like, she's being negative about this thing and I don't even want you to do it anyway, if it's gonna be horrible for you. So we started spiraling down this place and it was kinda late at night, so we weren't in our... There's not a lot of will power left at the... Keith Witt: That's right. Oh no. Neil Sattin: At the end of the day to actually steer yourself back. But fortunately I'd been reading your book and so I turned to her and I said, "Help me, help me help you, what I'm hearing you say that this is horrible. And it sounds like hell and I don't know what you need from me right now, what I can see is that I'm just going into this place where I am polarizing or where I somehow wanna change you or change your experience, but I clearly that's not working 'cause you're just getting more and more angry at me, and I'm getting more angry at you. Like what do you need?" And you know, to prove your point, Keith and this was just so hilarious to me in the moment, she looked at me and her eyes were big and wide, and she just said, "I need your compassion. I need you to understand that, yes, of course, I'm gonna do this for you, I love you, and it's not... It wouldn't be my first choice to do this thing and I just need you to hear me and to acknowledge me and to be compassionate." Neil Sattin: So that was the first thing that was like, "Oh okay, right." And so, of course, I'm thinking like I know this and of course I know this, like I've... 'cause we've done this a million times, but here we were in this space of conflict. And so then I started thinking, like, "Well, I know that the key right now is to be compassionate and I've even done it before, but right now, I can't for some reason, I really can't." And so I asked myself like, "Why, why can't I be compassionate right now?" And I had this huge realization about my own earlier experiences with being confronted with, I had an idea about something and just to keep it somewhat vague like let's say a family member would have shit on my idea or say like, "No Like that. We're not gonna do that." Neil Sattin: And so for me, I had to develop a pretty strong defense to that kind of what I perceived as negative energy, or a negative attack, and so my choice was never to meet that with compassion. I didn't... No one instructed me on how to do that as a kid, so I was just like kind of shoring myself up and figuring like, "Okay, how do I turn a negative into a positive, how do I... " It's like I had Martin Seligman in my back pocket like... Keith Witt: There you go. Neil Sattin: And which was good for me, in some level, but in this situation with Chloe, there was no like saying, "Hey, let's turn those lemons into lemonade." Like that wasn't what she needed in that moment. And as soon as I realized that and I shared that with her, "Oh wow, I'm realizing that you need compassion, and I can't do it and it's because I just have this defense against being... Like I've never learned how to be compassionate, what I've learned how to do is to try to look on the bright side or try to make things not as bad. And for us, it was this huge moment of understanding that just softened everything and next thing you knew, we were singing to each other and making peace with each other instead of making war. Keith Witt: Well, I just love that story. You know what? When a couple comes in with the story like that, there's part of me that goes, "Mm-hmm. My work here is done." [laughter] You notice what you did, you went into vulnerability as power which you can do with her because she is a sophisticated enough partner to see that and to be moved by it and then you went into the real issue. The real issue is us, our container. And to go there, I have to go essentially into my trauma history to find out why I had this reaction, that's more rigid than I'm used to. It's more amplified than I'm used to. And yes, that it always comes from previous learning, often it comes from a family of origin. And when you understand that the problem right now was a solution, it's often a brilliant solution 40 years ago, but now it's not adequate because I'm in a relationship where I can actually go into deeper love from this place, which was not available then, I'd rather go into deeper love. Keith Witt: And that's what you guys did and you were focusing on the real issue, which is we need to... There is a rupture in our container, in our intersubjective container, we need to heal that. And we know that we've healed it when we feel that sense of loving connection. When you're repairing, yes, you wanna validate the other person and, yes, the other person wants to feel understood. And you wanna feel understood. And you wanna take a little bit of action to solve the problem. Those are all important parts of repair. Yeah, you wanna accept that that's not gonna solve the whole problem but it will solve a piece of it but at the very end of it, there needs to be loving connection. If you don't have that loving connection, you haven't repaired it yet. And you only know that when you both feel it at the same time and everybody who has done that, which is almost all of us, knows what that feels like. And that needs to be the standard. That is always the standard to get back to love. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. There's this little song. I don't know who the source of it is but Chloe learned it recently and it's become our latest practice at the end of conflict. Not that conflict's happening all the time, but just as a reminder and a recognition of having gotten back to love. And can I sing it? Can I share? Keith Witt: Oh please, I was gonna ask you to sing it. Sing it. Neil Sattin: So it goes like this. "I behold you beautiful one. I behold you child of the Earth and sun. Let my love wash over you. Let my love watch over you." That's it. Keith Witt: That's beautiful. Neil Sattin: Yeah. So for us that... And actually I find myself when I'm still stewing I can sing that to her in my mind. And that also helps like, "Okay, I'm coming back now." I can remember that the whole reason we're here is because we love each other and because our love is ever deepening and we've had that experience. So that also helps me come back to the table and get back to love with her. Keith Witt: When you sing that song inside you, when you're with her, you're doing loving-kindness meditation. Neil Sattin: Yes. Keith Witt: That's another form of loving-kindness meditation. Neil Sattin: Yes, exactly. So, Keith, let's shift gears just a little bit because I wanna give you a chance to paint the picture. You created a beautiful scaffolding around which Loving Completely is built and you call it The Five Star Practice. And there are these five questions that people can ask themselves about themselves and about their partner to help direct their attention to the elements that create an amazing thriving relationship. And you talk about how it came up in a conversation with your kids around like what to look for in a good partner and how that has become this lens through which you can... These questions have become a lens through which you can look at any relationship and see what's going well, what's not, where you might need to adjust your habits. And so could we go through those five star questions? Keith Witt: Sure. Neil Sattin: So people get a sense of what we're talking about. Keith Witt: Yes. The genesis of this was in a conversation with my two teenage kids in the kitchen, of them asking, How do I choose somebody? And anybody who's done therapy realizes that at certain points in your life you open up and something comes through, you become a channel. And so those five questions came out. And as a scientist, I'm always a little uncomfortable with stuff like that because, yes, we can see it as an unconscious download, but it always feels like you're connected to something larger. And the interesting thing about that is that they really haven't changed that much over the years. It's been 15 years or so. And they've been cross-validated again, and again, and again, and again with neuroscience and social science and so on. And so I'll tell you the five questions but I'll tell you the reason for the questions and I'll tell you the foundation of the questions. Keith Witt: The foundation is compassionate self and other observation. Loving-kindness meditation does that, attunement, paying attention with acceptance and caring intent to what you're sensing, feeling, thinking, judging, and wanting. Paying attention with acceptance and caring intent, what your partner might be sensing, feeling, thinking, judging, and wanting. That's the foundation, compassionate self and other observation. Now, if you can establish that, and however way you do it, if you ask yourself these questions, you're basically, when you ask yourself a question, you're opening up to your unconscious. Keith Witt: So the questions are first, is there erotic polarity between me and this other person? Is there a spark between their feminine and my masculine? Because when we are looking for a partner, or when we were maintaining a relationship, part of that is the love affair. That love affair is a big deal, and that love affair is based on a spark between two poles, between the masculine in one person and the feminine in the other. Now we have energetic polarities between ourselves and everything and everybody. You have an energetic polarity when you look at a sunset, or when you're telling your daughter good night, I love you. But you have a certain kind of erotic polarity, has a sexual feel, between you as a masculine or feminine person and another person as a masculine and feminine person, and we're adjusting those all the time. Keith Witt: And so that's one question, Is there a spark of erotic polarity between me and this other person? The second question is, Does this person maintain their physical and psychological health? Doesn't mean they have to be super healthy, it just means they're responsible for their physical and psychological health, and if there's a problem they'll take care of it. Third question is, If I'm in a relationship with this person or if I am and there's conflict, would they be able and willing to do what it takes to get back to love? We've been talking about repair, you and I, and that's a central skill in intimate relationships. A fourth question is, Would this person show up appropriately for a child or a family member? Appropriately is not co-dependently, appropriately is there's a lot of things that are appropriate, but will they show up in a healthy fashion for a child or a family member? And the fifth one is, Does this person have something larger than themselves, something sacred that they're committed to? And do they feel a sense of respect, even admiration, or would they feel that for what's sacred to me? Keith Witt: So those are a lot of questions but if you pay attention to those five dimensions about other people, after a while they become like new sense organs and you just notice these things. You'll pull up to somebody... You're sitting down next to somebody in a restaurant, you look over and you go, "I bet that person would be a good parent." Or you see somebody, you go, "Hmm, I feel a spark of erotic polarity with this person." Or you look at that person, you go, "I don't think that person maintains their physical health very well." Or they do. They become things that you notice like people's clothes and eye color. And if you notice them about other people, it makes it easier to notice them about yourself. And these are not absolute questions. In relationships, we go moment to moment to moment to moment. And so they're dimensions that keep shifting. I can be engaged in a healthy behavior in one moment, and then all of a sudden I'm reaching for the doughnut and I'm engaging in an unhealthy behavior. And now what am I gonna do about that? Keith Witt: Am I gonna adjust towards health or am I going to eat the doughnut then eat another doughnut? If I do that as a habit, then I'm not maintaining my physical health, for instance. And in relationships, we're always kind of adjusting... When I was talking earlier about being in growth power hierarchies, and then adjusting from dominator hierarchies to growth hierarchies, that's attending on a moment to moment, and these five dimensions are ways of adjusting. Am I showing up appropriately for my son? Am I expressing admiration and respect for what my wife finds deeply meaningful? And if I'm evaluating a partner, does this person do these things? And if the answer to even one of these is no, then there's gonna be problems. That doesn't mean you don't get in a relationship, but what it does mean is you have a conversation about it. Keith Witt: And if you can ask yourself these questions about yourself and other people, what that does is it opens you up to have these be continua that you can discuss, they make them talkaboutable in relationship. And one of the big problems that couples have is they have one set of agreements on top that they usually hear in their marriage vows, and a whole different set of agreements below the surface that never get discussed until a problem comes up. You know, a great one is, I promise to be faithful for you. That's a public agreement. And then, the private one, unless I have an opportunity to have great sex with somebody else and I have this conviction that you'll never find out about it. Neil Sattin: [chuckle] Right. Keith Witt: Yeah. Well. If that agreement, if that private agreement is examined by me and discussed with you, I'm less vulnerable to have that happen. Number one predictor of affairs is opportunity and people have an opportunity and they're not prepared because these things have not been talkaboutable with another person. That's one of the reasons I have two or three chapters on affairs and what to do about affairs in Loving Completely. Even if you never had an affair or if your partner has never had an affair, it's useful to understand the dynamics of affairs because those dynamics affect everybody, and if we're aware of those dynamics, awareness regulates. And so being more woken up and more aware helps prepare us. Now, this is my bias, my bias is I like to understand everything, that's why I like Integral Studies. Integral Theory is a meta-theory that has a lot of theories inside it. Keith Witt: And other people don't particularly like to grow in that fashion. But if there's one approach that speaks to you around any of these, okay, you can just dive into that approach. But you don't dive into the approach unless you realize it's something that needs attention. And asking yourself these questions about yourself and your partner and having them be modes of discourse between you and your partner, if some problem does happen in intersubjectivity, if there is a problem in your friendship, your love affair, your ability to receive influence or support of each other's personal evolution and collective evolution, it's more likely to come out and now you have a language to discuss it and to resolve it, and you have a growth mindset to make it better. And you have an orientation, we wanna turn this into deeper love and compassionate understanding of each other. And that's what creates the great relationships. Neil Sattin: Right. I love hearing someone saying, "Oh, I just started seeing this person and we decided to start going to therapy together so that we were getting support." Or, "I just got together... " Actually I just had this happen with someone who said, "I just started this relationship... " And they had actually purchased the course that Chloe and I put together called Thriving intimacy. Keith Witt: Great. Neil Sattin: For a previous relationship, and they said, "We're starting off doing the course together." And I love hearing that because not only are they skill building, but yeah, they're creating that common dialogue of common vocabulary, a way to talk about things. And I think one of the biggest challenges is especially around those things that are scary like someone for instance saying, "I don't know if I have what it takes to be faithful." Wow, what a scary conversation to have with your partner. So any framework that you have that gives you the ability to talk about that and to keep each other safe in that conversation is so powerful and important for helping you strengthen rather than repeatingly shying away from those kinds of topics. Keith Witt: Yes. And it's hard to talk about difficult things. You get easily threatened. And those defensive states show up. And if you're not aware, if you can't see those defensive states, then you tend to have those downward spirals that you talked about. But if you're aware of them, and you adjust back into those dialectics, those states of healthy response in the ways we've been discussing, then you can sustain the conversations. People, if they have a bad time, will tend to avoid the conversation. There's one study that showed if a guy initiated sex with his partner and she said no once, there was a certain number of guys that never initiated again. That one negative experience was enough to close down that conversation. Neil Sattin: Wow. Keith Witt: That's really a bad thing in intimacy. You want your intimacy to be marked by more and more things being talkaboutable, not less and less, not fewer and fewer things. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I love that. Talkaboutable. I think I'm gonna start using that. That... Keith Witt: There you go. Neil Sattin: Phrase. Yeah, it's a good one. Keith Witt: My gift to you. Neil Sattin: Thank you, thank you. One last thing, and we could talk about this forever. Obviously, I think every time you've been on the show we've spoken for quite a while and there's so much to digest here, and I do encourage you to, if you haven't heard the first two episodes that Keith and I did together, definitely go check them out. Episode 13, Episode 80. And there's so much in your book. I'm really excited for it to be out because it encapsulates so much. And as you mentioned, there are a couple of chapters on affairs. As I read through it, I was like holy mackerel. There's a couple of chapters on just about everything. Which isn't to say that it's this long slog of a read, you're actually a very entertaining and engaging writer, which I really appreciate. Keith Witt: Thank you. Neil Sattin: But there's a lot here for you to get that different growth oriented integrally informed perspective on all these different facets of relationship. What I'm curious about, from your perspective, Keith, is this is something that we've been touching on. And we touched on it in the dimension of... And I even had my own confession here. Yeah, I know I'm supposed to get compassionate right now, but I can't fucking do it. [chuckle] There's so much that we are learning about how to have better relationships and yet it requires us to change what we habitually do. It requires us to not just hear it and be like, "Yeah, that's awesome." And maybe to not even just tell our partner about it, but it requires us to actually shift the way that we behave and to follow through on that over and over again, especially because sometimes the initial shift doesn't yield the results that we are hoping for. Neil Sattin: So it's like, you gotta stick with it. You talk in the book about mastery, and that initial like you learn a lot and then you have this plateau and it takes a lot of effort to get through that plateau to the place where you have another growth spike. So I'm curious, if I'm listening to the show and saying, "Alright, this stuff sounds great, it sounds really great. In fact, it's amazing." What do I do to remember it tomorrow so that I actually can put this thing into practice tomorrow? Keith Witt: First of all, do the loving-kindness meditation a lot. The more irritated I am with somebody, the more of a positive impact on me the loving-kindness meditation has. And so that's kind of the first place I go when I get pissed off at somebody and I gotta tell you, I've been doing it quite a lot the last year and a half in that state. And the other thing is to ask those five questions, ask them all the time, not just with your partner but with everybody. Ask... Notice them in yourself. Am I... How am I doing with these five questions? And just to get information. Just to have... Do it from a perspective of compassionate understanding. I wanna understand, and by asking those questions your unconscious will give you answers. And as that happens, you're strengthening that perception, that perceptual capacity to notice these things and to be interested in these things and to be able to discuss these things. Keith Witt: Now, why is this super important? None of us exist independent of everybody else. So we have our history and we have all the cultures that we were in, embedded in our personalities and in our relationships. An American culture has, over the last hundred years, has gradually been waking up. Psychotherapy and psychology has influenced it to some extent. And in the 21st century, more and more psychotherapists are recognizing that psychotherapy is not primarily about identifying psychopathology and treating it like an infection. Psychotherapy is about supporting people's development, relationally, individually, it's about supporting people's personal evolution, supporting people being healthy and happy, and having coherent lives and growing. Keith Witt: And then along the way, there's blocks and problems that are natural functions of being human beings. And that those are difficult. The human nervous system, once it establishes a defensive pattern, doesn't want to give it up. That pattern has to be included and transcended in a more complex pattern and that requires conscious effort on our part. And ideally, these things would be taught from birth onward, but they're not. So what we do is we start whenever we start and learn things and do our best to implement them. And receiving influence from carrying other people is a super power as I said in the beginning. And particularly from our partner. Now hostile influence is not caring influence. If somebody wants to dominate me, and I'm influenced to submit, that doesn't do us any good relationally, okay? Keith Witt: But someone influencing me when I'm being pissed off, inviting me into a growth hierarchy with them, inviting me into mutual understanding, and if I can receive that influence and do it, then we've taken our relationship at that moment to a greater level of complexity. Like you and Chloe did in the example that you gave. Okay, we wanna do that, we wanna get better at that throughout our lifetime, and we want to teach our children how to do it. And with our partner, we wanna help our partner do it and generally insist on partners who are willing to grow with us. They don't have to be as deep as we are in any developmental line, but if they're willing to grow in any of the significant lines of development, the psychosocial, the sexual, the moral line, and so on, we can continue to get more loving and more complex and human development goes in the direction of more compassion, more deeper understanding, deeper consciousness. Keith Witt: And with couples, it goes to having a more and more special intersubjectivity. And that intersubjectivity is beautiful and powerful and really the most powerful and delicate relationship that's ever existed is a modern marriage where people can maintain this container, this friendship and love affair and repair of injuries and support each other's evolution. It's the developmental driver. As you begin to do that with someone, you value it, you get a little bit protective of it. It's easier to not let outside influences screw it up and it's easier to adjust when you have primitive incursions from your trauma history or from your early learning. Neil Sattin: I have a question. How do you... Can you give me an example of this is the moment to exercise my power to receive caring influence? And I know I sort of offered one with Chloe, but I'm curious how would that... When does that typically arise for a couple so that they're like, "Oh this is the perfect time. Caring influence is available for me. Let me receive." How would I identify that. Keith Witt: Great example. You're having a conversation with your partner. I've had this happen with Becky many times. She'll say something. I don't know. She'll make a comment about taking care of somebody. She errs on the side of co-dependence occasionally. And I'll go, "Cheese." Just like that. Really? You're gonna take care of that person? Now you can hear the contempt in my voice, right? Now at that point, if I'm looking at her, I see a wave of pain go across her face. And she'll... These days, she'll say, "Geez, that was kind of a nasty tone." Now, 40 years ago, I would have said, "Well, yeah, yeah, well, you're thinking of doing a really stupid thing. That's why I used a nasty tone." Okay, well, I learned from bitter experience that that really wasn't a very good response to that. That was a stupid response 'cause it just made things worse. Keith Witt: So what I'll do is go, "Yeah, she's right." And I'll go, "I'm sorry. I know if I think it's a bad idea I use the dismissive tone, and I apologize. I am worried that you're gonna do something that will hurt you, that might not be appropriate to do, and so I got contemptuous, I apologize." I received influence. I changed what I thought and how I did. Neil Sattin: Got it. Keith Witt: Now she, on the other hand, was not caught up in the fact that I used a contemptuous tone 30 seconds earlier. She could have been. She could have said, "Well, you said that. And used that nasty tone. Screw you." "Well, I'm sorry I used a nasty tone." "It's too late." People will say that, it's too late. Well, it needs to not be too late. If your partner is doing their best to shift. And so all Becky will do is go, "Thanks, I appreciate it, and I'll do my best to not be codependent with this person." She'll receive influence from me then. Okay? It's is as simple as that. If you just do it on the level of tones. Is my tone communicating respect and care? If it's not, I'm sorry. By definition, I'm sorry. It's not like, "Oh yeah, I'm sorry, unless you deserve it." Keith Witt: No, nobody deserves a contemptuous tone. I'm a martial artist. I studied karate and lots of other martial arts for decades. You know, the only time that you do violence to another person is in a street fight, and then you do it respectfully. The other person really could care less whether you're being respectful when you're breaking their arm, but you know that you're doing it respectfully. Every other situation, setting boundaries, we talked about earlier, telling somebody you need to stop doing that 'cause that's hurting. All of that can be done respectfully. That's the standard. And once we embrace that standard, which is basically a nonviolent standard, it's not a passive standard, it's a nonviolent standard. It organizes us whenever we have a little bit of violence of tone or deed or thought or so on, to say, "Yeah, that was violent, I apologize." And that... Noticing that in itself, and then making that adjustment changes everything. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah, and following on the question before I'm listening and I'm saying, "Okay, I want, I need to remember to do that tomorrow, I need to remember to do that tomorrow." Like on this core level of recognizing, okay, I have a habit of not doing that and I realize we probably don't have time right now to go into a whole conversation about how to change habits, but what would be the first step that someone could take to ensure that, okay, I'm not gonna just do tomorrow what I habitually do. I'm gonna maintain my awareness of some other options that exist for me. Keith Witt: Almost any contemplative practice helps. There's a real interesting study that was done on psychotherapists. Psychotherapists who did contemplative practice, which is any kind of meditation that focused on compassionate inner awareness, they had higher empathy scores. But when they stopped doing their practice, their empathy scores went down. Neil Sattin: Wow. Keith Witt: So having some mindful practice, and those five questions if you're asking them about yourself is a mindful practice. Paying attention with acceptance and caring intent, what you're feeling, thinking, judging, wanting, sensing, is a mindfulness practice. Doing that mindfulness practice and being able to recognize when you shift into violence, when you shift into diminishing another person. Or when you're feeling that sense of attunement where the sky is the limit. You and I are going back and forth in that intersubjectivity that we all love so much, that seekers love so much with other seekers, where we're looking for deeper truth together and both of us are kind of alert to what's gonna emerge between us. There's a palpable difference between those two moods of discourse. Once that becomes visible to you, it becomes way easier to regulate it. And what is visible to you as a couple? Now you've changed. That's a developmental milestone when that's visible for a couple. Keith Witt: And they both feel a sense of responsibility to maintain the positive intersubjectivity, and to make adjustments with the negative intersubjectivity. So there's the answer, attunement, contemplative practice, and noticing the difference between those two states. And recognizing it's my responsibility to adjust from the negative state to the positive state. Just like you did with Chloe. I have a problem. What's my responsibility? My responsibility with her now is to lead with my vulnerability. I really don't know what to do. You're upset. I'm kind of conflicted. I don't know what to do. That vulnerable response was the most powerful response you could give in that moment. It invited her to understand and to offer her own vulnerability and out of that you guys came to a greater level of complexity with each other. Neil Sattin: Perfect, yeah. Well, Keith, thank you so much as always for being here with us to chat about relationships and your experience combined with all the research you've done. I really enjoy our ability to enter that highly attuned intersubjective space together and hopefully it's enjoyable for you listening as well 'cause you can tell. I think we both get kind of excited about it. Keith Witt: Yeah. It's really fun. It's really fun talking with you, Neil. Neil Sattin: Awesome. Keith Witt: Just gotta say, this is really... This is really a good time. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: Good, awesome. Well, then, we know we'll have another opportunity for sure, in the future. In the meantime, if you are interested in finding out more about Keith's work, do check out his new book, Coming Out, Loving Completely. He has many other books that are all great that I recommend for sure. Keith, what's your website? What's the best way for people to find out more about what's happening with you? Keith Witt: Just go on my website, drkeithwitt.com. There's lots of free lectures and lots of blogs. If you sign up, which is free, you get a free copy of my book, Attuned Family, and I'll send you free content from some of the classes that I teach, or the lectures that I've done. And there's also lectures for sale and classes for sale on my website. So, yeah, go to my website, check it out. Neil Sattin: Awesome. And... Keith Witt: Take something for you. Neil Sattin: And we will have, as I mentioned at the beginning, a detailed transcript available for you if you visit neilsattin.com/completely, as in Loving Completely or text the word PASSION to the number 33444 and follow the instructions. Keith Witt, such a pleasure to have you back here and thanks so much for all of your wisdom and knowledge today. Keith Witt: Thank you for having me.

The "Netflix" of Defensive Line Video Tutorials For Big Dawgs & Coaches: www.bigdawgfootball.com Submit a "Trench Question Of The Day: trenchtalk@fivestarlinemen.com So, you know our objective is to make sure that as a coach we help you to be the best coach you can be, and as a Dawg we help you to be the best defensive lineman in the trenches that you can be. So we have our trench questions and the trench questions have been flying in and we have another one that we definitely have to address. This is a question I get a lot from coaches as well as players when it comes to playing against the run-pass option offense. Special shout out to Coach James Marzano, that's my dog call, and the Argonaut Football Program in Jacksonville, California. Okay, here's the question: what's the most efficient way to teach the defensive line to play the run, but also be able to quickly react to rush the passer? That's a excellent question and I'm ready to dive into it. Episode number four. I tack into run-pass option offense. Okay, now let's talk trenches. Let's identify the challenge. The challenge here is that you're dealing with an offense, you're dealing with a smart offensive coordinator and an offense that's doing a good job of trying to be balanced offensively and yet keep you unbalance defensively. I mean, we all know the name of the game is to find the football and tackle to guy with the football. Great offensive schemes will use that to their advantage. So let's say, for example, I'm an offensive coordinator and I'm running the ball, I'm hitting the a-gaps, I'm hitting the b-gaps I'm running the ball and eventually your defensive line is going to play to that. Why? Because I'm sending the ball up the a-gap. I'm sending the ball up the b-gap. That's where I'm sending that ball. I'm running my stretches, I'm running my zones, I'm running my dive. I'm running powers, bucks. I'm running and I'm sending the ball, I'm kind of dangling that carrot and making that defensive line find that carrot. I'm using the ball to my advantage. And so eventually what's the defensive lineman going to do? The defensive line is going to begin to cheat. Or, they're going to being to adapt themselves to make sure that they begin to play to what they've been getting the last, you know, four or five plays. So, eventually the defensive line is going to play to the tendency. So, if an offense starts to establish the run and they're dangling that carrot in those gaps that defensive line is going to play to the tendency. They're going to start playing mostly run. And once that offensive coordinator and the offense begins to identify that they now are controlling the football game they're controlling the line of scrimmage and moving the sticks. They're either going to continue to keep running that ball, but at that moment when they feel that they've gotten the defense off balance and playing the tendency they'll come back with a pass or a play action. See, this is the challenge, right. How do we teach our Dawgs in the trenches to know when to rush the passer and to know when to play the run. To teach them to play the run, to stop the run because if you can't stop the run you can't have no fun. But yet when you attack the run and now you recognize that it's pass, as they're asking how do we teach our guys to quickly rush the passer when your steps and you were prepped for a run play? Okay. The first thing that I would address are my pre-snap keys. Pre-snap. What are some keys you can identify in your pre-snap? Now, are these pre-snap keys going to tell me exactly what the offense is trying to do? Sometimes yeah they are. Based on your film study, based on what you've seen you know what to look for. But as a coach training your Dawgs in the trenches it's going to sometimes help them and train them to be able to read their pre-snap keys. But is it going to be accurate 100% of the time? Probably not. What we are trying to train our Dawgs to do is to make a hypothesis. Hypothesis. When I say hypothesis I'm saying make a educated guess. What do you think, based on your pre-snap keys, might happen? Now when I talk to my Dawgs, my do-lineman, I don't say hypothesis. I'll say alert. You ever seen that dog who was sitting there eating out of his bowl and he's eating his food minding his business and all of sudden he hears a noise. Or he senses something and you'll see his ears go up. He'll stop what he's doing and his ears will go up because he's on alert, or he's identifying somethings up. So instead of saying hypothesis I'll say alert. Your pre-snap keys, what alerted you? Alert, alert, alert. In your mind you should be thinking alert. I see something, I sense something and I have a hunch that this may happen. So, what are those alerts? What are those pre-snap keys that we can teach our Dawgs that'll help them make a great hypothesis or give them a great hunch as to what may happen? Number one, down and distance. Look at the down and distance. Is it 1st and 10 on their side of the football field? Is it 1st and 10 on our side of the football field? Are we in the middle of the football field 1st and 10? Is it 2nd and eight? Is it 3rd and two? Is it 3rd and 15? Now, again, a lot of time this may give us a great indication as to what's going to happen. Alert. 3rd and 15 on their side of the football field, on their side of the 50 they might pass the ball. Now, again, that depends on film study. But based on this particular team and their tendency 3rd and 15 on their side of the 50 may indicate a waggle. A play action. Something along those lines. So, down and distance could be a excellent pre-snap key. Number two, personnel. What's their personnel. Looking at this offensive teams personnel or their formation what do they do in certain personnel? When I say personnel I'm referring to how many backs, how many tight ends? Are they coming out in a 22 personnel? Two backs, one tight ends. 21 personnel, two backs, one tight end. 12, one back, two tight ends. 11, one back, one tight end. 10, empty. So on and so forth. What's their personnel? In looking at their personnel a lot of times that will give us great indicators as to what's going on if we pay attention to our pre-snap keys, right. A simple one, an easy one is empty. It's empty. It's five out, five receivers are out and there's nobody in that back field to help block. The quarterback is by himself, his shotgun is empty. Empty, empty, empty. Alert, alert, alert. Let's rush the passer, let's get after him. Okay. They don't have a full protection, it's just the offensive line and I'm one-on-one with that guy in front of me. Let's go eat, let's go have some fun. It's empty. He home alone. He back there by himself. It's time to go to work. Empty. 20 personnel. You got two backs back there and a shotgun. They probably back there to help pass block. Pass protection. So what do you do? Still may pass the ball, again depending on down and distance and depending on their formation, where they're lined up. Once you beat that offensive lineman you know you going to have a running back sitting there waiting on you. 21 personnel. Two backs, one tight end, I-formation. Most the time you get I-formation, especially depending on that down and distance to confirm you're going to get a run play. Most I-formations my hypothesis would be alert run it's I-formation. I can't go wrong guessing it's a run play with an I-formation. So, again, watching film and looking at their offense knowing what they do in certain personnel groups would be great indicators to our Dawgs as to what they might do depending on what personnel they come out in. Pre-snap key number time, key players. Who are their key players? Who are those guys that make plays for them? Who are they? Is it number 22, the running back? And every time number 22 is in and it's I-formation what are they going to do? They going to run the ball. What about number 80? Big time receiver, leading the team in receptions and yards after catch. Of course they're going to give it to him. If he's in the game and it's 3rd and 15 and he's out there wideout and the balls in the hash and he's to the wide side of the field one-on-one with your cornerback you know what time it is. It's time to get after the quarterback. You know what they going to do. Key guys. So a lot of times watching film you'll know that offenses will have tendencies and there are certain guys that they're going to go to to make plays for them. They're going to be a certain guy they want the ball in their hands when they need somebody to make a big play. We've seen those guys on film. We've seen those big time running backs, those big backs that run North and South. We've seen those backslash receivers that attack the edges on the jet sweeps. We've seen those quarterbacks that were triple threats and those running backs that'll come in the game and all of a sudden the offense switch to a wildcat. Key players. So for my coaches that wanted those pre-snap keys, those indicators, those alerts that should get our Dawgs ears up and on alert. But coach, Big Dawg, I got to be honest I've coached some guys that just wasn't that smart. And there was no way I was going to ask them to go through a list of things to look for in their pre-snap keys. Now, I've taught certain guys that was that smart. I've taught guys that would actually look at those things. Smart kids, smart young men that was able to look at the indicators, look at the pre-snap keys and make great choices prior to the play. I have coached those guys. But I've also coached those guys that could not do that or for them the game was happening so fast for them that they didn't have the chance to do that accurately. So I'm with you that, that's not my initial approach. Yes I do teach those things, read your pre-snap keys. Look at your pre-snap keys and they will indicate to you what they are going to do. They will indicate to you what they are going to do. I do teach that, I do go over that. But, I don't spend a lot of time on it. Before I get into what I really want to talk about, what I've been itching to talk about, I want to ask you a question first. Here's my question. Is it possible for a defensive lineman to attack an offensive lineman, and the offensive lineman never get where he wants to go, or never do what he was trying to do? Is that possible? Let me ask that again. Is it possible for a defense lineman to attack an offensive lineman, and the offensive lineman never get to where he was trying to go, or never do what he was trying to do? Is that a thing? Does that happen, or can that happen? Now, this is a very interesting question to me. I've had conversations. I've done consultations with colleges, junior colleges. I've had these kind of conversations. The reason why I'm bringing this up is because, when I played, I was taught to read your keys. Read your keys. I was taught to look at the L of the offensive lineman's shoulder pad, look at the V of the neck, or sometimes I'll teach read the letter. When I say read the letter, I'm talking about priests now. When I was taught to read the keys, I was taught to read the keys. Post now. So in other words, when that ball snaps, wherever the V of the neck turns is where I go. So, I'm waiting the read the V of the neck, or some coaches teach read the hat, whatever it might be. Wherever the hat goes, wherever the V of the neck goes, that's where I now go. So, I'm reading in my post now. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I'm asking is there a better way? Is there a better way to teach our defensive linemen how to attack that guy, in front of him? Now, yes. I understand we're still talking about how to deal with that run pass option offense. I'm going to answer that. Actually, I'm answering it, right now. Is part of the problem that we're teaching them to wait for a read? "I can't go anywhere, until I wait for a read. I'm gonna wait, until I get the read I'm looking for." Once I get that read, I now have to decide what to do, now that I've read. For some of my Big Dawgs I think that's too much. For some of them, they can't handle that kind of brain functioning. Some of our Big Dawgs can't make that decision quick enough. They have a hard time processing what's going on quickly, and then making that decision. So, we look at our Big Dawgs in the trenches and we're thinking, "What's taking you so long to make a decision?" When you make the decision, it's not the right one sometimes. Well, maybe the problem is that we're asking them to read. Maybe it's taking them too long to read, and react. To read, think about it, make a choice, and respond to what they're reading. Maybe, they're taking too long, and we're thinking, "Gosh. My guys are playing a little bit slow." A lot of times, when you think too much, and you have to read too much that takes too much time to do. What if we could take the reading out of it? What if we can take the reading out of the post-snap and put it in the pre-snap? So, in other words, "Yes. I want you to read the keys." "What keys?" "Your pre-keys. Read your pre-s." Read your pre-s. Look at all of the pre-snap things. If you wanna look at anything, look at the down, and distance. Look at the personnel. Identify the key player. Where is he, right? That should take you seconds to do. That we training our dogs to say, "Look at these things." They should take you seconds to do. "Look at the guy in front of you. Identify the guy, in front of you. Identify your POA." We know that mean point of attack. After that Jack, that's all you're doing. You playing football. Once you put your hands in the dirt, it's time to go to work. There ain't no more reading. We attacking now, at this point. What if we could teach our defensive linemen to not read post-snap, but keep the reading in the pre-snap? Think about that for a second. I'm gonna just sit here. I want you to think about it. Are we asking them to read at the wrong time? Is the fact that we're teaching them to read their keys. Is the indicator, or the reasoning behind why they're not reacting the way we want them to? You may say, "Yes. You may say, "No." I'm willing to bet. That you're basing that off of the player. You're thinking about the players you have, and you're saying, "Well, Johnny over here, does a good job of reading his keys, responds very well, but over here, David, over here, doesn't do as good of a job as Johnny, over there, when it comes to reading the keys." Well, they're not the same player. We have to understand that there are different levels of learners. There's a different level of functioning thinking, where one person may take a lot longer to make a decision, because their brain processes differently. So, do we train them to do the same thing and equip them to play the same way? That's not fair. That guy may take too long to read and react. So, how about we take the reading away from them or shift it to the pre-snap? Okay. So, then what am I saying? I'm glad you asked. Let me reach over here and grab my Big Dawg bible. Here it is. Here we go. Playing the re-pass option. The proverb reads, "Read your pre-s, but always attack your keys." That was good. So, I'm gonna say that one more time. "Read your pre-s, but always attack your keys." Should we teach our defensive linemen to read, then attack, or attack, then read? Well, in my opinion, according to the Big Dawg bible, we should teach our defensive linemen to attack, then read. Read. Your pre-s, but attack your keys. So, why do I say that? What's the distance between an offensive lineman, and a defensive lineman? In most cases, it's about a yard away, give or take a little bit less, or a little bit more. How quickly does that distance close, when the ball snap? That small window, that real small space closes in a hurry, when that ball snaps. So, how much reading, do I want my defensive linemen to do, when the ball snaps? Do I want him to be able to read to see, if it's a run, or see if it's a pass, or to see what kind of run it is? Do our Dawg have that much time to see exactly what's going on, and to make a decision? I can hear some of my high school coaches say, "Well coach, we have our sidelines yell run or pass." Though for some systems it may work for you, but when it comes to the development of that Dawg, we're not developing them to make the right decision, to train their instinct to make the choice, in that situation, and to properly teach their mechanics, and train their muscle memory to make the right choice, given the situation. Read your Pre-s, but attack your keys. I want to give you an analogy, and I want you to think about something, coaches, Big Dawgs, for a second. I love to ask this question. If you were to put your hand on a stove, what's gonna tell you first that the stove is hot? Your eyes, or the sensory in your hands? So, let me ask you, one more time. What's gonna tell you quicker that stove is hot? Is it gonna be your eyes, or is it going to be your hands? What's gonna tell you that the stove is hot? What's your answer? I want you to think about it, for a second. Your hands, or your eyes, which one? What's your answer, Big Dawg? I'll tell you my answer. It's going to be your hands. Now, the reason why it's gonna be your hands is because, if your eyes knew it was hot, you wouldn't have put your hand there, in the first place. That's my answer. What am I saying? Sometimes, when we train our defensive linemen to look at too many things, and sometimes we're not training them to look at too many things, they're just looking at too many things. So, they can't tell whether it's hot, or not. They can't tell. They can't tell, if the stove is on, or is off. Sometimes, they don't know what to look at, because they're trying to find that carrot, and the offensive coordinator has been dangling that carrot ,A B and C, and they're not sure what's going on. So, right now, the offense has done a good job of making sure that defensive line is not balanced. Yes. If your eyes are everywhere, you're probably not balanced. So, they're doing a good job of that. So, they can't tell, with their eyes, what's going on, but what can indicate, or what can figure out, if the stove is hot or not, if it's a pass or not. Come on. Talk to me. What is it? If you put that hand on the stove, and that stove is hot, you're gonna pull that hand off. If the stove's not hot, you're gonna keep your hand on. Well, what's was going to tell you without looking at it what's going on? Sometimes, you can't trust your eyes. The offense hopes that you're looking with your eyes. Sometime, the offense hopes that you're playing with your eyes. They are hoping that you're watching the game, and not playing the game. I tell my defensive linemen, "Stop watching the game, and play the game. You're watching the game. You're standing straight up, like a statue, and you're trying to find the ball. Even if you see the ball, you can't get to the ball. Even if you see the quarterback is dropping back, you can get to him, Jack. So, it don't matter what you see. It's about what you can feel. Is it hot? I don't know. Let me put my hand on it. Ah. It is hot. Is it on? I don't know. Let me see. Let me put my hand on it. No. It ain't on, 'cause it ain't hot." What am I saying? Is it a pass. I don't know. Let me put my hands on it. "Oh. It is a pass. Let me get after the quarterback." Is it a pass? I don't know. Let me put my hands on it. "Oh. You almost got me, here, with a screen." Stick my cleats in the dirt. Let's look for work. Did you hear a common denominator? Put your hands on it. Put your hands on them. Put your hands on them. Attack him. Attack him. Attack your keys. Don't read your keys. Attack your keys. When you attack your keys and you put your hands on it, you know exactly what's going on. As a matter of fact, you might stop him from doing what he was trying to do. If he was trying to reach you, he couldn't reach you because you put your hands on him and you kept him from out-leveraging you to the position from reaching you. They tried to pull along you, and the center was supposed to come down but you got off the ball so fast trying to attack the guard in front of you that you knocked the guard off, and causes sending a miss on a down block. He tried to pass block you, but you got your hands on him so quick that he was able to bull, pull, bullshit, slingshot. He was able to work right off once you got on. Let's reread the question. What's the most efficient way to teach our defensive linemen to play the run, but be able to quickly react to rush the passer. The error in that question is the word react. Let's not teach our defensive linemen to react, let's teach them to proact. React can mean be reactive, we don't want them to be reactive. We want our dog to be proactive, that means that we are on the attack. We attack first, let the offensive line react. We attack. Let them react and we will attack. Every time the ball snaps, we don't react, we attack. That's what we have to teach our Dawgs to do. They are Dawgs, they attack. That's in their nature to attack, not react. You understand what I'm saying Big Dawg? So my thoughts are going back to the Proverbs from the Big Dawg Bible, read your [inaudible 00:26:00] and attack your keys. If we attack our keys, we are being proactive in our trench activity. We're determining how the plays going to go and where it's going to go, and if it's going to be successful or not, that's for up to the side depending on how we proact our activity once that ball snaps. Attack, see that's the beauty of attacking. You can't unbalance an attacking defensive linemen. You can't get on a defensive lineman to be off-balance if all they do is attack. It's a run, they attack him, as a past they attack in any way. It doesn't matter what you do. When you train your Dawgs to be proactive and attack, not react but attack. It does not matter what that all for the line is trying to do. Does not matter what the offense the coordinator is dangling, doesn't matter. I have a job and my job is that once the boss snaps I don't react, I attack. I'm being proactive and this is my plea. I think that philosophy, that psychology is extremely important and I'm confident that that's going to make a world of a difference. To attack first and re second gives our Dawgs the green light to be aggressive off the ball, to have that flat back at contact which brings great impact. Flat back at contact brings great impact, and we're giving them the license to be aggressive, to be proactive. Not reactive, but attack. Remember our Dawgs do not react, they attack. Alpha, attack first is what we're doing. The moment we get our hands on and we attack, and we punch, and strike off the ball, then we'll know what they're doing or what they're trying to do. Then we'll feel when things are happening, we'll know if it's a pass or a run, we'll know when it's a double-team, we'll feel that. We'll know if it's a stretch, we'll know when we're trying to get reach, we'll feel that. Once we attack, we'll feel that. Once we attack, we'll feel that and we're trying to train our Dawgs to feel, not watch, not look, not find. No more watching the game, we have to play the game because now in our reading, as we teach them to read and the post snap, now they're reading too much. Eyes in the backfield peeking inside, peeking over the shoulder, all those different things as opposed to allowing our hands, and a century and our hand to tell our brain what's going on. That's going to be always quicker than our eyes trying to decipher, our minds trying to decipher through our eyes what we're looking at. Is it hot or is it not? Get your hands on it and it'll tell you if it's hot or if it's not. Let's take this even further. Now the question is how? If I'm going to teach my Dawgs to attack coach, how do I do it? Now let me explain myself. I'm not saying that they such as hit the gap. Some defensive coordinators teach their guys to attack the gap, or hit the gap. If that works for you fine, but that's not necessarily what I'm saying. I'm saying to attack the guy in front of them, that's what we're attacking. If I'm in a three technique, then I'm attacking the outside shoulder of the guard, I'm attacking that. If I'm in a four I, for me that's inside shoulder of the tackle, I'm attacking that. If I'm in a four as head up, I'm attacking the tackle head up over the tackle, and so on and so forth. I'm talking about punching plates, I'm talking about gaining control. I'm talking about re-establishing the line of scrimmage, because he who controlled the line of scrimmage, controls the football game. Attacking the line of scrimmage by attacking the guy in front of me, that's what I'm talking about when I say attack. Now how do we attack? We attack with two hands. When we're not sure whether it's going to be a run or a pass, we're attacking with two hands. We are striking cloth and we work off, we strike cloth and we work off. That's the safest and the smartest thing to do, and it puts our defensive lineman in a better position to deal with the run or the pass. Whether it's run or pass, when they strike with both their hands two by two. In episode three, we talked about two by two and two by one. In this case, dealing with this run or the past, the smartest thing, the best thing to do is to strike that guy in front of you with two. Hey Big Dawg, not sure what to do? Strike that guy in front of you with two. That's in the Big Dawg Bible as well. If you don't know what to do, striker with two. If you don't know what to do, strike him with two. When we teach our Dawgs to strike that guy in front of us, to attack and to strike him with two hands, there is a plethora of options. We can now train ideal with the linemen and Big Dawg. There's the plethora of options that you can use. Remember you've trained your animal and coaches, we've trained our defensive lineman to do certain moves based on what they feel. What they feel with their hands does that all for the linemen giving him high hands, top hands, wide hands, or low hands. Well when we get our hands on that guy and we don't know what to do, we strike him with our two. Once we strike him with the two, then we feel our way through right off the bag. We don't know what to do, we strike him with our two and we feel our way through. That's what I'm referencing when I say attack, then read. Once we teach our Dawgs as coaches to strike him with two and feel his way through, that's when the art of rushing or the art of the game happens. Trench warfare at it's finest. When you strike him with two and you feel your way through, your feet will know what to do. Let me say that again Big Dawg. If you don't know what to do, strike him with two. Feel your way through and your feet would know what to do. Boy that's the truth. When you teach a defensive lineman to be more on the attack side instead of the react side, but be proactive in their attack and you're training the muscle memory, and you're training their senses to make choices on the go, you've got to do some real Dawgs in the trenches. I'm talking about the mad junkyard Dawgs. Them stingy ones, the ones that don't let nothing get past them, talking about those. That's what you got in the trenches when you teach them to play the game, and not watch the game. They told Big Dawg as we talked about now what moves we can do when we strike with two. What are the moves now we can do once we strike with two. That's on another episode. As always Big Dawg, I appreciate your time. I know time is precious and I appreciate that you shared it with me, like two wise men under the tree hoping to teach these young man how to work the turf and stay out of the street. Big Dawg Trench Talk, I know we got better today. Good it's not good, when better is expected. Thank you again for subscribing to our podcast, Big Dawg Trench Talk. Remember if you have a question, feel free to email me at trenchtalk@fivestarlinemen.com. That's trenchtalk@fivestarlinemen.com. Send me an email Big Dawg, and let's talk trenches. Remember, your progress is our success. When you got some time and the trenches is on your mind, make sure you head over to bigdawgfootball.com and subscribe to the grind. It is the Netflix of D-line content. Whatever you're looking for, we got it. How to play the run, how to rush the passer. The proper stance, the proper start and combat, you name it. We got everything you need and counting. Knowledge is power and we never stop learning at bigdawgfootball.com. Join the community and the mission of getting our Big Dawgs better. All right Big Dawg, enough talking. You know what time, it is time to stick our cleats in the dirt, and let's go to work.

Ok. I took a little break on top of a bigger break from your favorite podcast. Why? Because I'm an animal and have to be told to slow down. We have another Netflix gem with How it Ends.

Am I live? Am I live? I felt like the phone was gonna have a small meltdown, like a literal meltdown. I hate meltdown. I'm trying to find that perfect ... What the fuck has happened here? Holy shit. My laptop looks like somebody drew on it with crayons. I think it's because I've got this pen in here in my laptop case, from the W, that has a pink eraser on the end of it. I also have a Lego man in my Chanel laptop case. Seems normal. I don't know how that Lego man got in there, I mean, I can easily guess, but I didn't realise I had a Lego man in there. Hi, hi, Karen. What's up? Tell me hello. That's what I want. Say hello to me people. How are my visuals? Because I'm in that thing of like, I'm in the sun, so I can't see anything. Put my other live on pause to join me live. Joseph always comes on and announces himself. He tags his own name in, is what he does. And then he puts his phone number in, He does this every time! All right, where is my face? Okay. He always puts his name in and then, he puts his phone number in. It's the best thing ever. Okay, I am live. Please share, et cetera. Okay, I just had to message my team. Hello me, hello you, hello world. You guys, oh my God, oh my God, I've been brutalised. It's okay, it's all under control. I've had a traumatic past 70 or 80 minutes. I went to get a massage, as I do, and like my massage really fucking hot. Prank calls on. Who's gonna prank call me? Prank call me, do what you want. I like my massage ... I can't say it Australianese anymore, it just comes out Americanish. I like 'em fucking hot, you guys. Traditionally, over the years I've had some of the top sports therapists in the world work on me. Because I was in that industry, and I just always accessed, of course, the best people in the world the same way that I do now. I've had many comments over the years. One time, Charles Poliquin, he's one of the leading strength and conditioning coaches in the world and trains Olympic athletes, and he's fricking high level, right? He was doing active release therapy on my ... I broke my elbow like ten years ago, so he was doing active release therapy through there. And I was laying actually on his bed in his hotel room, because we had a course and it was there I asked to do the treatment. I was just talking to him while he was doing this work, and I've seen him do this work on other students, back in the day. Sometimes, they would have to be actually held down on the table, or on the bed, or whatever, because how excruciating it is. He strips the muscle right back to the core. I remember I just started talking to him and he kind of stopped and he was like, "Wow, you have a really high pain tolerance." And I was like, "I guess I just know that it's beneficial, or whatever. It's not that I can't feel it, but I just choose to opt into it and allow it." The other week, I had probably one of my best compliments ever. That made me so happy, which was my tattoo artist Vlad said to me, as we were finishing up for the day, he was like, "I really can't tell if you're happier when you get more pain or less pain. Like when we finish earlier, or when we go longer." I'm like, well there's benefits both times. But just now, I had this massage that was so fucking brutal that I kind of stumbled out of the ... it was like an eight dollar fifty, Bali massage, right? And I swear he pretty much created new striations all over my body. He stripped all the muscle just right back to the core, to the point where I kept being like, "Okay I'm gonna tell him stop, I'm gonna tell him stop." It was so freaking excruciating. I was like, he's gonna explode my calf muscles or then my glutes, or wherever it was. And I just kept going, but I can do one more, I can do one more, and I just breathed through it. But my god, I feel like every piece of muscle in my body has been tenderised and pulverised like if you were gonna cook me up for dinner, I would be the most amazing fillet in the world. I mean I get Bali massage all the time, but it was next, next, next level. So then I stumbled out of there, and I was gonna go eat. I was supposed to be sitting down and eating now. That was my plan that I had in my head. I haven't eaten yet today, but I was just like, there's no fucking way I can eat after that. And frankly I don't know if I could think or write anything, or what I'm gonna do. Hang on. My team haven't even seen that I'm live. Let me just share this livestream over. So, I just kind of stumbled back up here and decided to do a little livestream first, before I obviously go and maybe eat something. But I thought, let's talk about purposeful pain, because I feel like it's an area that people could probably stand to get their ass kicked a little bit around. Do you know what I mean? You tell me first. Do you actively lean into pain? Do you actively choose pain in your life? Do you actively go looking for pain? Purposeful pain, right? So, maybe let's talk about what purposeful pain means. I'm not a fan of pain just for the sake of pain. Like, for example, sex comes to mind. Lots of people I know are into pain in sex, for example. To me, that doesn't actually feel purposeful, and I don't like it. So I'm not trying to ... Well, I don't mind a bit of mild choking. But I'm not trying to make some point like I just like pain, or something like that. But I've really learned over the years to understand what sort of pain is purposeful, and what that means by it being purposeful I guess, and how to differentiate maybe. And I really feel ... Okay, let me check this sharing because she doesn't seem to have seen it. Hang on. Okay. Are you not online? Okay, hang on, let's share. I sent my assistant [inaudible 00:06:44] a message that I was live and that she should share it because she does that for me usually. But I don't think she's online, so I'll try and do that now myself real quick and then we'll continue on. Because I think that this is probably, I do feel that this is probably one of the, I guess keys, for me. This is kinda one of the big keys that has made a difference in my ability to create massive results and massive success. And obviously it doesn't always mean physical pain, but we can talk about what it does mean and how it applies to business and how it applies to receiving money. Because I really want to come on here today and give you some powerful content that you can walk away with that's gonna help you to access a higher ability to receive. Money, yes, but also I guess other things that you like and desire and choose. So if that sounds good, and that's what you want to talk about, and obviously whatever else comes up along the way. Send me the love hot shower, because you know I like to see it. Send it to me. All right I think we did our sharing. Okay, okay. Cool. Yep. All right, cool. So that's done. So, yes, massage right. Like I work out a lot, I have incredibly tight muscles apparently and everybody always comments on it whenever I get worked on. So to me it's like, well, if I'm gonna go and spend that time doing that, I really don't wanna just get into like a relaxed, floaty state and then walk out. That's nice from time to time, but I would rather put myself through something that is so excruciating that I'm using my freaking labour breathing exercises to get through this massage. Every moment through the entire hour thinking ... and actually told him 90 minutes and then I think he didn't hear me and did an hour, and at the end I was kind of grateful for that. I was like, "I think that was good. That was, I think, an hour." I'd rather get through a massage like that where every moment, every minute is fucking excruciating and I don't know if I can keep going. I definitely have some kind of ego that comes into it, right? Like I feel tough, or I feel like a badass where I'm fully aware that a very small percentage of people can take the level of pain that I can take. In that example or other examples as well. And I've been told this many times, that I'm way more okay with it than even some of the biggest, strongest men that therapists work on. So I'm like, "Booyah! I'm a badass!" So that's part of it for sure, I'm not ashamed to admit it. But it's also, I'm just thinking of the outcome. I'm just thinking of how tight my hips and glutes get, and my hip flexors, and how that impacts my back. I had a back injury from a couple years ago that still gives me some grief. And how I want to be able to lift fucking heavy in the gym, and I wanna be able to do all the things, and I want to be able to go crazy with my workouts. And I wanna be able to run and play and chase after my children, and I wanna have incredible mobility and flexibility as I get on in later years. So to me it's like, am I going to endure this one hour of pretty fucking extreme, excruciating pain getting my muscles stripped back to the core, or am I gonna say, "No that hurts too much. No no, stop. Please stop." And then walk around with muscles that are wound and bound and don't allow me to move freely. To me, that's obvious, but you've still gotta put yourself through that pain. And I guess reality is people just don't choose this. And this is really, I feel, such a big conversation that's relevant and critical to the results that you may be getting in business. So in business it's not typically gonna be a physical sort of pain, is it? But it can feel more scary or more confronting than that. So for example, let's say that you know, maybe because you watch me and you follow my stuff and you see how I show up and you see the sort of work that I do with my Rich Hot Empire clients to my Inner Circle clients and so on and so forth. You know that I'm about consistency, right? I'm about showing the fuck up every single day, bringing the message, bringing the truth, no holds barred, authentic. And then selling every day as well. I guess I'm pretty well known for putting myself out there and not holding anything back and kind of baring my soul, and baring all and letting people hear my vulnerabilities and my struggles and the ups and downs. And the reality is, it's not just because I show up every day and I message and I preach and I teach and I sell that I have the business that I have. And I think you know this but I think we can talk about this in a bigger way, right? Anybody can come onto the internet and post shit online every day, livestream, message, et cetera, et cetera. That doesn't mean you can build a cult-like loyal tribe following who are going to buy all your shit, often without even reading it actually and regardless of price point. It doesn't mean that you're gonna have some of the highest conversion rates in the industry which is what I have and what I teach my clients. It doesn't mean that you're gonna have this incredible connection where it really is like a soulmate thing with each of your clients and community members. In order to get that, it's gotta be not just, "Oh yeah, you know, I posted every day. I message and I show up and even make stuff online and sell it from time to time." It's really gotta be, are you facing into the fire every day? And okay, it doesn't always feel like that. Not every massage makes you feel like you just went through a giving birth-type experience in terms of the pain levels. Not every workout in the gym feels like you're left on the floor sweating and bleeding and nearly dying and your higher self is saying, "Yes, but are you dead yet? No, then get up and keep going." Which is definitely how I trained and kicked my own ass this morning. I was like, nobody in the hotel gym downstairs here, where I'm at, at an AirBnB here in Bali but the AirBnB's like the penthouse in a hotel. That's where I'm at now in my little garden. And nobody watching, nobody checking on whether, like, there was no one there to impress, right? There was no one there to show that I'm a badass. I do like that, I'll admit that as well. I like when people see me work myself hard in the gym kicking my own ass. I like the looks I get from guys and from girls, kinda like what the fuck? I go hard, right. But today, and many days, there was nobody there to watch that, there was nobody there to impress. Okay, maybe I'm telling you about it so maybe I'm looking for validation now. But it was more that I want to feel the way I want to feel, right? I want to feel alive. I want to feel like I'm really leaving everything there. I want to feel like I fucking showed up. For my workout, for my business, for my messaging, for my life. Because I, probably like a lot of people, I've had enough time throughout my life ... Hey, Sarah! Are you still in Bali? Are you in Bali? Where are you? Are you in Uluwatu? I've had enough years in my life, and I'm sure you can relate, where I've showed up in a half-assed way. I did that. I freaking did that. I showed up in a half-assed way for two marriages, I showed up in a half-assed way many times over the years for different stuff to do with my fitness and my health. I've had many phases where I'm like, "Well I am working out every day and I am eating well, so why am I not maintaining or getting the body I exactly want?" Well I wasn't, like ... there's showing up and there's fucking showing up, right? And I've had many times in my business journey as well. Honestly it comes and goes, it ebbs and flows. There's times even to this day where I'm like, "I'm kinda flaking around here. I'm 'showing up' but I'm not showing up." Oh, almost time, okay. And I just kinda feel like, the more that time passes and the more you learn about what success really takes and the more you learn about yourself, and maybe also the older you become, you kind of like, "I'm not here to fuck around, bitches. I'm not here to fuck around." I mean, I've always been this sort of person and I'm sure you as well ... send me the love hot shower if this is you, right? Since a young age, I haven't been a person to fuck around. Overall, I've shown the fuck up and that's why I'm such a high achiever and always have been in my life. And so yeah, I'm quite certain that you can relate to that and that's you. But as a high achiever, maybe there's a flip side of sometimes we just are never satisfied and we're never done and we always want more and we always know we can go harder. There's kind of this stuff that goes into play with that where we go gotta learn sometimes to be nice to ourselves, and compassionate to ourselves, and have a break. So yeah, that's part of it. But it's also that acknowledging something, and here's probably one of my big points that I wanted to make today. It's about acknowledging, "You know what? I am, you are, we are, the ones who we like it. We get off on the pain. We enjoy it. We thrive on it." Yes, there's an ego aspect that comes into it. Yes, there's like, "Look at me, bitches. I'm a badass." I wanna be the person in the gym, particularly the woman in the gym but even overall, I wanna be the one who's training the hardest. I like when people are like, they're not even quite sure what the fuck's happening. I like when the massage guy is sweating and he needs a one hour nap afterward. Me and the comments that I get. I like that when I leave the tattoo parlour on Saturday ... even though I was really feeling all that pain all day Saturday, I did not really feel like in my flow zone with my inking work I had done a few days back. But when I left, I laughed at the chick in reception who's like, "You literally never complain, I've never seen ..." She's like, "You are so hardcore, I've never seen you make a face, I've never seen you complain all the times you come in here. I've just never seen this before." I like that. I do like it. I feel good about myself. But it's not just that, it's that I wanna feel fucking alive in my life, right? I wanna feel that I'm showing up for my life. I wanna feel that I'm pressing play. I wanna feel that I went all in. I don't wanna get through the day and be like, "Well I went to the gym and I hosted a blog and I did a livestream and I tick, tick, tick." List your way through your fucking life but did you ever know you were alive? That's not what I want and it's not what my clients want. It's not what I, you wanna work with me? It's not the sort of work we'll be doing in Rich Hot Empire, for example. In the Inner Circle, we go into the fucking fire, we go into the fray, we get down on the floor bleeding and sweating and crying ... metaphorically, generally, hence what we get up to on retreats. That can be all sorts of interesting adrenaline shit. Potentially, why not right? But we wanna be, I guess, confronted. And we wanna have to face into our fears or our resistances or our, I don't know, I guess that side that is in all of us. Even the most badass ones amongst us, which is us, that side that's kind of like, "Well, you know, you don't have to. You could just do this and just do that and that way, hey, you still did it. You went to the gym, you did your message, you did your sales activity, your putting your clientele out there, so where's the millions of dollars?" So to come back to the point that I was making about how I show up and why I have the level of cult-like following that I do and what I teach you when you work with me as a client in order to build your soulmate tribe and to have incredible conversion, right? People paying and saying yes without even reading in full, blah blah blah. All that stuff, right? For that to take place, you're gonna have to go the extra mile. You're going to need to be that version of yourself who reaches into their own soul and is like, when it hurts, when I can't keep going, when it's too confronting, when it feels scary, when I wanna hide, when I feel like oh who's watching or who's listening, when I feel self-conscious, when I feel vulnerable, when I feel tired, when I feel like I don't really have to ... I am gonna pick myself up and I am gonna keep going, or I am gonna take a breath and I'm gonna ask myself, "Yes, but is this purposeful and what is the result that I want?" Now, I'm gonna be the last person to say to you that you should endure pain, or putting yourself out there, or not resting or taking care of yourself, purely to make some kind of point. No, I'm not pro-burning yourself out. I'm not pro-never taking care of yourself. I'm like the queen of fucking self-care. God, all I do I feel like half the time is journal and massage and this to me is what I wanted to do. This is feeding my soul, doing this right here. I don't want to be sitting in the sun doing nothing. I'm like, "Okay, I'm in my bikini. I'm getting my tan on. But I want to do content, that's what feels good for me." So you know, it's not that I'm saying don't take care of yourself. Of course not, and I think you know that. But it's about what is the outcome that you want? If you're gonna show up anyway for your business, if you're gonna get your message out there, if you're gonna freaking reach inside of you and create something and put it out there to the world, if you're gonna tell people what's up and what actions to take, are you gonna do it from a perspective of, "Well I did it. I got through the hour," or, "I wrote the damn email," or "I built the landing page," or "I build the funnel," or "I did an opt-in, and so where's my millions of followers and millions of dollars. Where is it? Why? Because I'm doing everything Kat does?" It's like eh, not really, maybe technically in a very 2D, 1%ish sort of way you're doing like a grey scale representation of what I'm doing, or what my million dollar clients are doing, what my six-figure or modest six-figure dollar client is doing, and even what my clients who are just getting started are doing who are like, putting themselves out there from the get go because they actually fucking decided to back themselves. It's a huge difference, right? There's a huge difference in the energy that comes when you're fully fricking showing up, and there is a huge fucking difference in the result. So I feel like what we get to look at, and what I am passionate about looking at with my clients and exactly what I'm going to be doing starting next week, for example, when I dive into the next round of Rich Hot Empire, which I'll tell you about in a moment. It's about not just like hey, here's the building blocks of success. Yay! Let's message, let's do livestreams, let's create videos, let's do an update, sure, let's build a fucking funnel. That's easy, I'll show you how to do that. Let's do sales pages, let's do sales flow, let's, you know, tick all these boxes. That's like, I can write that on a fucking pdf for you. You don't need a mentor to tell you that these are some of the building blocks of having a successful online business. You can just observe that. But where you maybe need a mentor to come along and kick your ass is to help you repeatedly stare into that fire, stare into that heat I guess, feel what feels like pain or resistance or massive fucking confrontation or, "Am I really gonna say that? Am I really gonna put that out there like that? Am I gonna reach in to my soul and let what's inside of there out? Am I gonna reach in and grab them by the soul?" Which is what gets people following and responding. You need somebody who has I guess kind of gone there before and done that and showed up that way in their life, but you'll still need to flip that switch for yourself, with or without a mentor being part of the picture obviously. My point is that I show up for my clients. I'm not here to fricking say, "Hey, do some messaging. Do some sales activity. Here's how. Blah blah blah." Obviously I teach my clients all that stuff, but really what I'm here to do is to reach into your soul, help you to reach into your soul, and then bare it to the world. Because anyone can write a fucking 2,000 word blog post or a sales demo or a sales pitch or any of these things. And if that's your approach, and your approach is to get through that checklist of things in business so that people follow you and buy, I'm gonna tell you you'll be waiting a long fucking time in order to get those results that you're looking for. If right now you feel frustrated or you feel like you don't understand why it's not working, well here's the reality. It doesn't matter! It doesn't fucking matter if you are the most consistent motherfucker on the internet as far as posting your content, if we can't feel your soul. And for that to take place, yes, reality check. A lot of the time it is going to require you to lean into pain. A lot of the time it is going to require you to feel massive discomfort, massive confrontation, massive vulnerability, fear of rejection, fear of what people think, fear of God knows what else happening, fear that it won't work, fear of what your fricking mother or family will say about the way you put yourself out there. "Why are you always telling people all your problems on the internet?" A lot of my clients have family members say this sort of thing to them. All of these different things, that is what I mean by purposeful pain relevant to business. It would be so easy for me so much of the time to not show up the way that I show up. If you follow my content for any more than like a week or two, you're gonna see that I post a pretty high amount of shit that is really fricking raw and it's very vulnerable and it's about my most intimate, transparent, personal stuff. Not just business stuff, well it could be business stuff related to my fears and doubts and insecurities in my journey. But I also post a lot of stuff to do with love, and relationship stuff, and then moving out of my marriage, and how I feel about being a mum, stuff that's really vulnerable. Don't look at me or anybody else that does this and imagine that we've got some kind of superhuman self-confidence because we just don't. It's about commitment to the message. It's about letting what's inside of my come out. It's about trusting and knowing that if I drop my bullshit story about it being scary or painful, and if I let what I know is meant to come out out, then I'm gonna get a result. But for that to happen, yeah, there's that moment where I maybe feel an idea for a post coming through me or I maybe notice myself about to say something on a livestream. And there's that moment where you're like, maybe I won't though. Just like in the massage earlier today where there was many fucking moments for the entire hour where I'm like, "I can tell him stop, I cannot take this any more." It was so fucking painful. It was right on the edge of my tongue, and then I was just thinking, "But I can feel him releasing muscle tissue so deep down to my bones." I felt like he was massaging my bones, he was so deep, and the table was fucking going backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards from the amount of pressure he was exerting on me. He's like a strong dude and he was sweating like a motherfucker. It was full on, I'm gonna tell you. So I kept being like I'm gonna stop, I'm gonna tell him to stop, it's too much now, this is crazy, nobody needs to endure this much pain in a massage, I can still get a benefit if I tell him to back off just a little bit. But I could feel the muscles being stripped away, I could feel oxygen coming back into the muscles, I could feel this deep release in areas that give me a lot of day-to-day grief to be honest. And I was like no, it's a fucking hour of my life. Do I want to get through the hour and get the outcome of having like, increased amazing mobility which I now have, which I can already feel in my body as a result of that? Or am I going to back the fuck away? And when it comes to pressing play, pressing publish, pressing post, getting your content out there it is the exact same thing on repeat. You're gonna have that moment in time where something comes through and it's like this is what I should say to people. And maybe it's fiery, maybe it's ranty, maybe it's extremely raw and it feels terrifying and it feels like you're literally stripping yourself naked and showing it to people, and there's that moment in time: "I didn't have to say that, right? Who's gonna know? Who's gonna know if you never pressed publish?" Well you will. When it comes end of this year, end of the decade, end of your life, you're gonna fucking know from the fact that you didn't create the fucking life you were born for. You didn't create the impact that you came here to create, you didn't make the money that you could've made either, you didn't live into your destiny. And it comes down to all these moments in time when we either lean in to purposeful pain, and you can substitute the word resistance or anything like that as well, or we turn away from it. I really think that, to be the leader of the leaders, which is what I am ... My clients in Rich Hot Empire are the leaders. They're the ones who are the 1% within the 1%. In my Inner Circle, which is my kind of follow-on from Rich Hot Empire. Yes, I'm talking about Rich Hot Empire a lot because it's going live next week for my April intake. Actually [inaudible 00:26:01] if you're watching, can you drop a comment about Rich Hot Empire now? And I'll talk about that in a moment. You know, I lead the people who are the leaders, who are the 1% of the 1%, who know that they were born for more. My clients didn't come along just to learn how to make fricking six figures on the internet. They know that they're here to make millions, impact millions, and change the fucking world. And they're willing to do what it takes. But that's just not something you say, right? Everybody says hell yes to that. Everybody says I'm willing to do what it takes no matter what it takes, I am the 1% within the 1%! I'm a revolutionary fucking leader! Et cetera, et cetera. It's like okay cool, then in that moment did you lean into pain or did you pull away from it because it felt scary, because it felt confronting, because you worried about what your fricking best friend from high school was gonna say about it or your mom or your person that you've got a crush on or whoever else it is. Or you're just worried that people are gonna not like me, people are gonna think I'm crazy, or what does this have to do with anything anyway? And it's not just about your messaging, it's about all the different elements of building this empire. I look back through the history of my now coming up to 12 years marketing online, and now I'm at a point in my business ... And this is what a lot of people who want to work with me want, a lot of people who do Rich Hot Empire inspire to this for example. I'm location-free, not everyone wants to be location-free but I think everyone wants to have the freedom where they could pick up and go wherever they want any time they want, right? A lot of my clients like to be location-free. I'm location-free, I do do what I want all day. I really just follow flow, I don't do anything that I don't want to do. I have an amazing team who do all the bits in my business that I used to have to do myself, that I don't really want to do any more. I have an incredible community, thank you for being here. I have what are called [inaudible 00:27:46] my community, meaning that it's total [inaudible 00:27:47] connection it's not just like a group of people and an email list that I sell shit to. It's an actual tribe, it's a family, it's a community. And I get to sell and make money doing what I love, and doing my purpose work in the world. I guess I got to now where it's kind of like the holy grail of being an online entrepreneur right? Of course I'm still striving, as a high achiever I'm never done and I'm completely like, "I'm good enough, I've done enough, I have enough." I'm in full love and acceptance and this moment right here is perfect and I really mean that, and I have everything already. And I'm gonna take on the fucking world and I'll never be done, and I'm sure you probably feel the same. Or a lot of people feel the same. If you don't feel the same, you definitely should not message me about working with me one-on-one in Rich Hot Empire. Just to be clear. But if you know that there's always gonna be more, then you're definitely somebody that would be a potential client of mine. But I guess what I was trying to say is also, we're getting to the point where like I'm past the money shit, right? I moved past the money struggle, I moved past the fear of not being able to pay even for food let alone rent. I moved past the years, and it did feel like years, it was years actually, of frustration and turmoil and why aren't people buying my stuff, and why is it when I go the real offer that I wanna do that I don't seem to get a response. I got through all that, so I have achieved all the dreams and goals that I had for many years as an online entrepreneur. And that's now what I work with my clients to do and it's the most amazing, tremendous honour ever. And when I look back at how I did that, there are literally tens of thousands of moments over the past 12 years and before that even, in my life before the online world which was an actual thing, where I lent into pain. I felt like I didn't wanna do something. I mean, it would be impossible for me to count the thousands of workouts that I've done where I didn't feel like getting up in the morning, where I wanted to hit the snooze button or I just didn't really feel like going to the gym. But if I had of not done those, I wouldn't have cultivated myself into the person I am now. I don't even mean that I am fit and in-shape and all that, and that I just get better and better with age. I get younger with age as well, by the way, just so you know. But mostly what I mean is that it's part of me, it's so easy now, it's automatic. It's who I am that I take care of my health and fitness, because there was a period earlier on where I had to kick my own ass around all the time. I remember day after day after day after day for years, the alarm going off at ungodly-o'clock. And then even when I had a newborn child and it was repeatedly, "But I want more sleep," or I want this or I want this, and then it was like, "Do you want the fucking outcome bitch?" And I did what I needed to do to get the outcome. I was so outcome-focused from so early on in my life, but at so many pivotal stages as well. I think being a new mom is definitely one of them. With business also, it would be impossible for me to try and remember the thousands of blog posts or videos or livestreams or also paid content that would not exist right now if I had of lent away from pain, if I had, "Oh that one's uncomfortable," or "I don't really feel like writing today," or "I don't really think I've got anything to say, I feel silly," or "Nobody bought my last offer that I put out there so now I'm gonna walk away with my tail between my legs." I just repeatedly showed the fuck up, and you have the choice to do this as well. I know if you're in my community and you're telling me, "I know you're showing up, but you know that there's showing up and then there's showing the fuck up right?" I just think that life is this continual process of moments in time where we get to either lean into creating destiny or we turned away from it. For me personally, that is a big guiding light for me. It's a big force inside of me or a driving force or it's a [inaudible 00:31:40] where I make my decisions ... I talk a lot about I make my decisions based on [inaudible 00:31:45] connected to that what fucking feels right for me is for me to achieve my destiny and for me to achieve my purpose. And for me to live a standard of excellence in different areas in my life. I just refuse to accept that I should have to settle, sacrifice or compromise on a single issue in my life. And I refuse to accept that view either, but guess what? For me, or even that for you is probably not gonna be enough. You're probably gonna have to press play on that shit for yourself as well, right? But this is what I believe, for my clients and for my community. I believe you can have it all, I believe you can have it on your terms. I believe you can make millions of dollars, impact millions of people if that's what your messaging truly is, get your true message out there, get paid for your purpose work, get paid every day where you're literally like, "I didn't do anything! I just do what I want all day! I totally follow flow!" But then actually I'm fucking showing up. I'm bearing my soul to the world every day. I'm letting my art out every day. I'm selling every day. I'm building my business every day. I'm doing many other things that I haven't even touched on here in my business every day because I want the damn outcome and because the outcome is purposeful. Not because I necessarily felt like doing it at that time. The many many nights that I've gotten back online when my children were already sleeping, the many many times that I've grabbed even 10 minutes here, 15 minutes here, to jump on and create something or do something. It's just been this continual process for over a decade now of marketing myself online of eye on the fucking prize, take action from that place. Just tuning in, tuning in, tuning in to where it is I know I wanna be and then being that version of myself. I just think it's shocking and astonishing to me how few people seem to get this, and I think it's very sad. I look around and you just repeatedly see these people like, "Oh I was tired so I slept in and I didn't go to the gym." And then, "Not fair, why is she my age and has kids and she has that body?" Okay bitch, how many fucking times for how many fucking years for how many decades now was I in the gym when you were like, "I was tired," or, "I didn't know what to do." Neither did I when I started. It's a never-ending conversation. Tell me some things, what are you thinking? Do I use the five second rule or am I motivated? Do I use the five second ... I can only read half your comment, Britney but I know what you mean. Well, I didn't technically use like a five second rule. I know what it is, but what I do is I think about the outcome. So when I don't feel like doing something, I will tune in and I will ask, "Is it still aligned for me to do this?" If I don't feel like working out, there's certainly occasions where I won't work out because I'll kind of connect in and I'm like, "Well do I need to have a rest or is it that I should definitely go move my body?" And I get the answer based on higher self and soul. And most of the time it's kick your own fricking ass and do the gym thing because as soon as you start you'll be like yes, I'm so fricking glad I'm here. But sometimes it takes like, 20 minutes, 30 minutes before you're like I'm so glad I'm here. And same with jumping in and turning the laptop on and doing some actual work, not just fucking around on Facebook, in your business. It's like "Uh, I don't really have anything to say. I don't feel inspired today. Nothing's coming through me, and nobody's really been engaging on my content and my last thing didn't sell anyway and uh." And then you fuck around on Facebook instead or you just don't even turn the laptop on in the first place. You just get out of the habit, you don't even make the fucking habit, or what if you just had the habit and what if it was about showing up based on where you want to be and based on what would that next-level version of myself do? That's the way I do it. I just go from the outcome. So when I say purposeful pain, to me that also means being result-based. Acting from the result or the outcome of what I want. Lisa says I have to remind myself, even if I feel the message ... I can't read your comment, it's cut off on the screen. Hang on let me read some comments over here. Christine says call you out when you think you're doing what you want but kinda know you're doing what you think will sell. Well that is right, being brave enough and courageous enough to put your true work out there. For sure. I don't know where you're coming in ... it has disappeared ... let me do a little refresh. So I wanna tell you guys about Rich Hot Empire though, I'm so passionate about this programme. There is a comment here, it's in the pinned comment you can actually read that and check that out. It says, "Rich Hot Empire is tick tick ticking towards you. Are you ready? It's motherfucking time. Work with me for six weeks personally, one-on-one, to grow your perfect cult tribe." This is such a cool programme, by the way. "Create and launch a low through to high-end empire and set up multiple recurring income streams to take you to seven figures and beyond doing what you love." So what I do is I work with the revolutionary leaders, the artists, the messengers, the 1% within the 1% badasses who know they're meant to play at this level and beyond. I've created a million dollar per year business doing what I love, like I've sort of been saying, based completely on my purpose work. Like, cool cool to make the money, that's definitely cool and I appreciate and love it and I continue to increase my income. But better than that I get to do what I love, it's based on my true purpose work. And the way that I've done that is I've sold low-cost products, programmes, information products, right through to high-cost stuff. So I think I have stuff as low as $21 up to ... I'm just thinking, oh no even more if you pay ... I don't know like $85,000 would be my highest price point. That's kind of like if a couple come into my Inner Circle together, for example. Or my Inner Circle currently is $6000 per month or $60,000 up front for the year. So it's $72,000 essentially. So that's my highest price point for my private one-on-one clients. Rich Hot Empire is one-on-one for six weeks, it's nothing like that price point obviously. Just so we're clear. But how I've built my business is a lot of low-cost products, a lot of moderate-priced products, and a limited amount of private coaching and high-end stuff. And I've done that by following soul and following [inaudible 00:37:37] but I've done it obviously also over the years by repeatedly saying yes to what I know is gotta be done. Rather than what fear is feeling or what resistance is feeling, I've done it by baring my soul and putting myself out there and showing up fully for my message and for my hustle and for my community. And not just fricking checklisting my way through. So this is some of what I'm going to be teaching you in Rich Hot Empire. So it's a six week personalised mastermind intensive with yours truly. One-on-one access to me as your private mentor throughout that entire six weeks. In fact, as soon as you sign up you're gonna already get access to me on my private client channel, we officially are kicking off next Monday April 30, US time. So if you're interested in knowing about working with me at this level and having my help to build your online empire, or to take it to the next level from where you're at, you can message me about that. You can message me on this page or over on my personal Katrina Ruth page. It is for entrepreneurs at all levels. What joins my clients together, what my clients have in common with one another and with me, is being that badass leader who knows that they were born for more and who refuses to do it based on normal rules of internet marketing. Fuck the rules, fuck the system, I show you how to do it by being you. By reaching into your soul and getting it out there. So I've had many people do Rich Hot Empire who completely were just getting started, and I've had others get started in Rich Hot Empire who were already doing over a million dollars a year in income when they first began with me, and anything in between. And the content is six weeks of structured content as well as six weeks one-on-one with me. I show you exactly what to do and exactly how to do it in every element of cult tribe building, creating your offers, launching your offers, doing your sales pitches, getting your offers out there, selling high ticket as well, creating [inaudible 00:39:20]. Anything you can imagine to do with an online business, I have trainings in there for you. You get to get all that training for life, you get my support on it and my team's support, advertising stuff as well all the way through the programme, and then you get me there by your side kicking your ass into alignment and massive fucking action all the way through. So some people come in and maybe they've already got some of this stuff going on and they don't necessarily need all the content, and others are jumping through every element of content. What I do as your mentor obviously is guide you to where your focus needs to be and support you in order to bring that to life. What else do I want to say? That's mainly what I wanted to tell you about Rich Hot Empire for now. It is honestly just such a life-changing and business-changing programme, I've been running it since 2016 now. It's the only thing that I actually do on repeat. It works so damn well and I'm very proud of it and I'm very proud of my clients and their results that have come through with that. So I'm super excited to jump in with everyone who's going to be starting next week. It is a private coaching experience so numbers are pretty limited. So if this is something that's speaking to you and you want to know more about working with me one-on-one, the very best thing to do now is to go message me on my personal Katrina Ruth page ... I might just [inaudible 00:40:25] coming in, um, no that's gonna come ... Well, you'll find it. You know where I am. Or you can message me here on the business page, I just kind of prefer getting messages on my personal page. I tend to go into that inbox more. So do that and then what I'll do is I'll send you a full overview that breaks down all the six modules and all the content that we do so you're understanding exactly what we're covering but also how the one-on-one side of it works, and obviously everything else you need to know as well. Tracy says, "Just jumping on. Why am I not notified as soon as you're going live?" You can choose that, right? You can choose to get notifications always. Have you done that on my business page or maybe just my personal? What is your opinion on failure? Have you ever felt like, maybe I can't do it, or have you always been quite confident and badass? I think I've always had a level of confidence. I was really fortunate to be raised in a way where I was repeatedly told that you can do anything you want ... my mom would tell me that you're like, better. Like above-average, successful and intelligent. To give it some context, I was a very shy, introverted kid and I really felt very unattractive and super uncool. And I was uncool in a kind of school cool sense, I always had like the wrong clothes and the wrong food and everything. But I was a kind of bookworm, literally to the point where on the play breaks I would go and hide in the bushes and read a book. I had friends as well, I wasn't like no friends. But I didn't feel attractive and I didn't feel good enough. So I think I would go to my mom when I was maybe my daughter's age, like eight, nine or ten. And I would feel bad and sad that I wasn't like the pretty girls or the cool girls. And I just remember my mom saying over and over, "Yeah but ..." Well she didn't say yes, she didn't agree with me that I wasn't pretty I think she [inaudible 00:42:16]. I was though, I look back at my photos now from when I was a kid, and if you see my daughter who I post photos of she's so beautiful, and I was a beautiful child. I can see that now I'm like wow, I really felt so ugly and so unattractive and uncool. And I just felt not good enough, I was super introverted and I had massive self-worth shit. But my mum would always also say that I'm like the most intelligent one, which was true I was always top of the class, and that I'm gonna be the one who creates whatever she wants from life and that these girls are gonna lose their looks basically, and then we'll see what happens. She's [inaudible 00:42:51] for sure. And then I'm gonna be the one that like, creates whatever I want out of life. And it wasn't just trying to contrast me to other girls, I'm probably thinking of one or two conversations that stand out for me when I was feeling bad about not feeling cool enough. Hey, Johnna! So you know, that was just maybe a few conversations but overall I was always told you're incredibly intelligent, you can do whatever you want, anything that you decide to do you're going to be successful of. So I had an amazing amount of support I guess, growing up. I know not everyone has that so I'm definitely very grateful for that. Oh my god, you had the best month ever! Send me a message, tell me about it! You have to join Rich Hot Empire! Move in to Rich Hot Empire now! Johnna just did four weeks one of them with me in Empress, which is one of my other one-on-one intensives. It's closed at the moment. And she just said I had the best month ever, and I did it in a week after working with you. Yay! Of course, because we flick that soul switch baby, and step up and become who you're meant to be. I'm so excited for you. So I was kind of confident and badass I guess, a lot of the way I always believed in myself and I just always knew I wouldn't live a normal life. To me that was never a question in my mind, I didn't doubt it at all. At the same time I had massive self-confidence issues and I was continually scared of failure and for years I didn't put myself out there either, to answer that question. I knew that I was meant to do something like this, but like a lot of people I felt like, "But how? Where do you start?" And also for me, this was back in 2002, 2003 where I first really started to be like, I should do seminars and I should be an author, but there was no online industry like there is now. So there was nobody to model, there was no fricking business coaching Facebook groups to join. You couldn't even find a business coach on the internet back then. So I kind of put it off for years I guess, and eventually I got that ball rolling. I think like a lot of people I've had contrast between periods of my life where I've felt like a total badass and periods where I'm like, not taking action at all. And I think that continues to be true for me and for all people in all areas. I know in the area of love and romance, I've had a lot of fear stuff going on probably for years now. Like I was in two unhappy marriages back to back and then I left my marriage, coming up on two years ago in the middle of this year it'll be two years that I've now left that marriage. And then even when I was in the marriage, I had massive self-worth and fear stuff feeling like it was impossible to have amazing, epic, [inaudible 00:45:22] love. I was quite bitter about it actually, I didn't believe in it and I'd just completely given up hope on it. I was so bitter about it, to be honest, that I would just judge other people's relationships and I didn't believe that anybody was genuinely happy in their relationships and I just kind of looked for proof of that. And of course I found it. So I'd kind of given up, I guess, although not really because through it all I still had the belief that no, I think you can have it all. I believe you can have it all and I know that I'll [inaudible 00:45:51] find a way. Then, even once I left my marriage, it's just been a journey since then of I guess learning to be brave enough to believe what's inside of me. And repeatedly putting myself into uncomfortable conversations or situations and following soul flow, or following what feels aligned and right. That's been the most terrifying fucking experience of my life to be quite honest with you, way harder than business stuff. Maybe I've just forgotten how tough it really did feel in the period in business where I wasn't making money yet and I was repeatedly posting shit on the internet that nobody was liking or commenting on my stuff, right? Back in the day, like a lot of people. Now I'm used to that, people know me, I expect that when I do a livestream that people jump on, people are excited I'm live. Well guess what? I went through all those years as well of nobody watching, nobody listening, nobody pressing like, nobody purchasing, and then when I did put my soul offers out there definitely nobody purchased because I was like known for fitness or then I was known for business strategy I wasn't known for like soul stuff. So things kept falling flat. This is what I mean with purposeful pain, right? I kept going. I stayed the fucking course, I continued to act from faith. And then yeah, in like the last few years in the relationship side of my life it's been kinda similar to that in a different way. To me it feels like that's been more scary or harder because it's more intimate I guess, you're really laying yourself on the line. And you're like, "Fuck! Am I gonna send that message? Am I gonna speak my truth, and like show my heart? Oh my God, not again. No! It's too scary!" And this fear of rejection and you feel like an idiot and you just fucking do it right? This is my whole point, that's purposeful pain. Pain's not always the right word to use, I get that. But I used it because I had the massage earlier and it was kind of in my head. It's acting from purpose, it's acting from faith, it's acting from belief. It would be so much easier to not say what you want to say to that person, to not speak your truth, to not put that flag in the sand and say this is what I believe. And with business, all the time, it would be so much easier to not put yourself out there on the repeat when you're not getting the response you want. Well, honestly, just honestly, if you want these sort of results. If you want to build a seven-figure, multi-seven-figure empire and beyond, doing what you love, being one of the very few people in the world who legitimately gets to follow soul flow every day, like I do and like my clients do and like I will help you to do if you want to work with me in Rich Hot Empire. You've just gotta be willing to be that person. That's the long and short of it. And you know this, you have got to be willing to be that person who puts themselves out there in ways that others won't. Alright. I trust that you got something out of this. Please leave me a comment, or a love, or a share, if you feel so [inaudible 00:48:31]. I do like to come back and read my comments later, I don't read them all while I'm speaking and preaching obviously. But hit me up, I'll read them, and have a read about Rich Hot Empire really. I just encourage you, if you've been thinking that at some point it might be time to work with me one-on-one as your mentor, this is just an absolutely incredible thing that I've allowed out of my. I've given you my heart and soul with what I teach in Rich Hot Empire, really give you all of the kind of how and the behind the scenes and the building blocks of a business so that you have no question unanswered and you have the full support of me and my team as a private client. You get all that content for life, I teach you every possible, imaginable thing about how we make the money and do the sales and all that. And of course, you've got me there by your side. In your pocket? I don't know if I'd fit. Holding your hand and kicking your ass the whole way through. And it works so well because I let what is meant to come out of me out. And that's what I want to show you how to do, and it's just a tremendous honour to be able to do that. It's also super fucking fun. We have the best time ever. So do have a read about that in the comment there. It might be that it's time to really step up and press play, it might be that you've been thinking about working with me at the private client level maybe for some while, or maybe you just came across me. Either way it's fun. I have people jump in sometimes who literally just heard me, and others who've been gearing up towards it for a little while. So have a read, message me, I'll get you the full length overview and all the details and we'll talk about whether this is for you. Either way, do not fucking forget. Life is now, press play.

The episode is late this week. Why? Because I'm terrible at time management. Anyways, this week we explore the depths of the internet and discuss all sorts of shit. -photons should just pick a side -compare and contrast jumanji movies -elfgames and videogames -virtual reality and the future of videogames -jagex and the nazi riot in runescape -smith used to be a 4chan troll -something awful is dying -the mechwarrior pronoun shitfit -the return to cyberpunk's relevancy -facebook ain't going nowhere -benevolent uses of clustering? seth doesn't think so -all our data is up in the cloud. what happens if it rains? -cobra kai show? -there's so many memes -slob on me knob -sonic the hedghog chat -atlanta is the best show on TV -google laketith stanfield Seth is on Twitter as https://twitter.com/Life_Of_Seth Smith is also on Twitter as https://twitter.com/MCSerf You can watch Smith stream video games on Twitch at https://www.twitch.tv/serfmc Our cover art is done by Marcus Barkley, who can be found living in the cyclopean ruins of Kumari Kandam. Remember to subscribe and if you like the show tell people about us and we promise the show will get better + be posted on time.

Publication Date: November 15, 2013. Author Tom Grant, on Murder At Lake Washington: The Mysterious Death of Kurt Cobain, Part 2: Silence: "Has anyone ever seen someone take out a full-page ad in a magazine that was designed to intimidate the media into not allowing someone to tell the facts about the suspicious circumstances of an individual's death? Who does something like that? And who threatens to sue the media without threatening to sue the person who actually told those details to the public? The main suspect in the murder of Kurt Cobain paid her high-priced attorneys to use such an unprecedented silencing tactic, but it backfired. Her attorneys were nothing but 'briefcase bullies' who lacked any real strength. They enjoyed blowing a lot of smoke--but when I stood up to them--they walked away with their tails between their legs. After all, they can't actually follow through with their threats. Why? Because I'm telling the truth and their client is lying." Tom Grant is the California state-licensed private investigator in Beverly Hills who was hired to find Kurt Cobain after Cobain left a drug rehab center in Marina Del Rey, California, on April 1, 1994 and was subsequently reported missing. Kurt Cobain was found dead on April 8, 1994. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Why is it so hard for women to own their success and achievements? Well, turns out that success and likability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. Ironically, I've spent most of this year trying to figure out what I think success means. Why? Because I'm that 28-year-old who spends her time pondering her purpose. But here's what I've learned, regardless of how you define it until we decide that ambition, drive, strength, and power are beautiful, feminine qualities we should all aspire towards, we're going to go in circles. This episode was brought to you by the website hosting platform that made it easy for this not so tech savvy scaredy cat possible to create a blog and a podcast, SQUARESPACE! If you've ever thought about creating your own website or blog, use offer code Kelly for 10% off your purchase of personal domain address and website on Squarespace.com.  Don't forget to subscribe to the Run, Selfie, Repeat podcast on iTunes (or you can listen to it on Google Play), and, if you're feeling extra incredible and amazing, I would really appreciate it if you could leave me a 5-star rating and review on iTunes! 

Steve Larsen: What's going on, everyone? This is Steve Larsen and you're listening to Secret MLM Hacks Radio. So here’s the big mystery, how do real MLMers like us who didn’t cheat and only bug family members and friends, who want to grow a profitable home business, how do we recruit A players into our downlines and create extra incomes, yet, still have plenty of time for the rest of our lives? That's the blaring question and this podcast will give you the answer. My name is Steve Larsen and welcome to Secret MLM Hacks Radio. First off, I want to apologize to everybody. It has been I think two weeks since I have published on here. The reason why is kind of funny actually. I'm tired. That's the biggest reason. Not of podcasting. I actually really missing doing this. There's a lot of stuff going on right now. I just finished my application funnel where people apply to join my downline. It's cool to see the applications already coming in. There's a live feed where you can watch the people who are trying to apply to come in. It just shows their first name that's all, but so everyone else can see it as well so they know it's not dead or anything like that. It's been kind of fun. The other thing that's been going on besides a lot of building, and a lot of things like that is that you know what? I'm actually just trying to take care of myself more. On my dad side, there's a huge history of high blood pressure and me dad's almost died a couple times just from having a hard time taking care of himself while sitting at a desk job. I'm like, "Dang it. I have a desk job." There's a little diabetes issues that go on. I was like, "You know, I don't want any of that." On my mom's side, like every guy has had prostate cancer, and I'm like, "Holy crap." Like I feel like I'm held under a gun and holding a ticking time bomb. Gosh. What I did is I went on YouTube, and I found the buffest dude that I could, and I hired him. He is now my health coach. It's kind of a funny conversation. It was like, "Hey, you're ripped. Why don't I hire you?" Anyway, I went and I hired him. He created a plan, and I have been lifting like a beast everyday. I'm about to go do it again. I'm exhausted. Today's legs day. I don't want to do legs day. I have been sleeping extra. That's been part of it. For the last year, I've only been sleeping sometimes just a few hours a night because we've been building all these thing and putting all these things in place, and it's been awesome, and it's been a lot of fun, but totally neglecting like just taking care of my own self. You know what I mean? As far as exercise, stuff like that. That's what's been going on is I realized that for me to get to the next level that I'm trying to get to because I mean as far as recruiting, check. Got that. It's been running for a year and a half. It's been automatically recruiting people. It's been great. I love it. Everyone who joins my downline, I give them the same system. That's awesome, and it's been a lot of fun. As far as like different areas, got it, but as far as like my routine, I'm realizing that I have got to change my routine if I want to get to the next level. Does that make sense? That's basically what I've been doing is recreating me. That's pretty much it. I'm trying to recreate who I am, the time that I spend, the things that I go and do. That's totally what's been going on. I got a question from somebody the other day. They said, "Hey, should I invest in Bitcoin?" Now I actually am into that a lot, and I said ... A lot of the stuff you guys might ask is like, "What does this have to do anything with MLMs or entrepreneurship?" It has a lot to do with it, but this person asked me the other day, "Should I invest in Bitcoin?" I do. I love it. It's fun. It's exciting. It's made a lot of money, but here's the thing, you have to have a lot of money to put in in order to really make a dent in your wallet, right? I think I put like six grand in, and it's doubled since then and that's awesome, and it's really cool, but what I did is if you go back, and you look at like okay, it doubled. That's great. That's awesome. I take that out, that means I've made six grand. That's awesome. It's been in there for what? Like four months. I mean okay. We made like what? An average of ... I'm not good at math on spotlight this year, but what? Made like let's say $1,500 in the month. Can you live on that? That's under really, really rare Bitcoin circumstances. You know what I mean? I told her, it was a girl, I told her, "No. I wouldn't. I wouldn't get distracted with that. I wouldn't get distracted." Because here's what ends up happening is ... It's kind of a rage right now, right? I'm not saying to not go do it or if you want to put something in or go do another investment. The point is just to not have a distraction in general. If you go, and you have just one thing you're trying to go conquer, like this for me right now, that's it. I want to go, and I want to change the MLM industry. I'm very passionate about it. No one's asked me to do it. I mean I've been doing it and I see all these people doing it in a weird way, and I wanted to help, right? That's the problem that I'm trying to solve. Literally this morning, just this morning, as I woke up, rolled over, I saw an email from someone begging to give me a paid position in some other thing. It happened again yesterday. They're mad at me that I said no. Here's the thing guys, if you put more than one thing in your life, you're not going to do all of them very well. I say no to so many things. That has become so much more of the secret of how I've been successful than anything else. I've learned how to say no. What was funny is I didn't think that would be something that I'd had to learn for a long time. The moment I got out of college, for whatever reason there was this massive influx of deals that started coming to me. I was like that's very fascinating. I got excited and I'm not going to lie. I got really the wrong kind of ambitious. You know what I mean? I was like I'm going to do it all. I'm going to take it all on. You know what's funny? I didn't get any of it done. After like six months of work, not one thing actually got finished because there were so many things and so many new things coming at such a regular basis that none of it actually got done. When I actually got really serious though and I started saying no to things very quickly, very quickly, I was very fast to say no. It's kind of like when people say like, "Hire slow and fire fast." I kind of do it the other way around where it's like, "Look, I'm going to just say no really, really fast and say yes really slow." That's been great and it's been my guiding principle for a while now. What's been neat is my focus has gone through the roof. It'd be the same thing. How does this apply to your MLM? Well, a lot of ways. When we talk about health and routines and whatever it is that you're doing, but if you can build your routine about whatever one thing it is that you're trying to accomplish, holy crap, welcome success because you can't not be. When your brain, and disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer, when your brain is solely focused though on just one problem, one thing you're trying to get fixed, it's awesome. You'll fix things. You'll figure things out. It could take some time. You might need other people's help, whatever it is, but you are much more likely to figure it out than for you to go try and figure out like six problems at once. You know what I mean? I was trying to tell this lady that like, "Look, with Bitcoin it's exciting. Yes. If you have a lot of money sitting on the side and kind of in a reserve, sure. Sure. Awesome. I'm not telling you to. I'm not telling you not to." I was like, "You know at that same time though ..." You guys know if you've ever listened to any of these episodes at all, I believe in a concept called paid prospecting, which is where I get paid regardless if someone joins my downline or my MLM or buys anyone of my products. That's amazing. Last year it made 50 grand on its own. $50,000. That's incredible with no ad spend. Okay? I know I hit the nail on the head last year on that one. That was really, really cool. Now that meant I was making at least $100 a day. You know what I mean? It was pulling at least a grand a weekend. Okay. Let's see Bitcoin do that. You know what I mean? That's what I was trying to show to her. I was like, "Look, if you go make one of these paid prospecting things, it not only will get you paid, but it can blow out of the water any part-time job, any other thing you might be picking up, whatever it is." That's what Secret MLM Hacks is. That's what I've been putting together is teaching people how to do that. Anyway, I wouldn't have more than one thing in your life. I wouldn't go and say, "Hey, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that." Just choose one thing. There's another podcast show that I have. I interviewed this lady on it towards the beginning of the show's existence and I still don't totally know what she does and I don't think she does either. Because she's so allusive on like "hey, shiny objects, shiny objects, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit," she doesn't get any of them done very well. It's the same thing when you see someone switching opportunities like a beast. Like I'm in this now. I'm in this now. I was doing door-to-door sales for two summers because I want to learn how to sell in hardest environments. That's the reason I did it, which sucked, but it was great though. I learned a lot and I learned a lot about selling and persuasion and things like that. It was fun. There was this other couple that was there besides my wife and I. Oh, I remember. I shouldn't say it though. Anyway, whatever. They had Shakeology I think it was. Then like three months later they were in ... Crap. I can't remember what it was. Anyway, that was like four, five years ago. I think they've switched probably five or six times. I mean they're in so many different MLMs right now. It's ridiculous. That's part of the issue is that people blame the vehicle. Now the vehicle might be wrong. You may need to get out of the vehicle, but most the time it's the person driving it. They don't give it enough time to even work. They don't give it enough time to get things. I'm not going to lie. I don't want to go do this workout right now. Man, I turned down this deal to build an internet sales funnel for somebody for $50,000. Why? Because I'm focusing on my one thing, which is you guys. Does that make sense? There's some pain behind it, but oh my gosh, there is so much more success in just having one thing that you're focusing on, one project, that's it, that's all you're allowed to focus on. Don't focus on anything else to make a million bucks. You understand? When you do that, it's amazing the resources that will come into your life. It'll amaze you how far you'll be able to take that problem that no one else would be able to because it's very hard for the whole human race to focus on one thing at a time. Does that make sense? Each individual person has struggles with this. If you can master it and learn to say no, learn to say no like crazy, I mean you're going to take it in places that you did not imagine. Anyway, that's all I got for you guys. I'm sorry that it's been a little while. Just my own capacity has been a little bit capped lately. Anyway, I'm excited to keep going on this though. I'm excited. If you do want to check it out, I just finished ... You know what? I'll do a whole episode about it. It's really, really exciting and I can't believe it's working. Anyways, I have been very hard at work getting all these things together, doing tons. I have a beta group right now. About 20 people who've been going through everything before all of you to make sure there's no kinks in it. Make sure everything's worked out. It's been great. They're going nuts over it. Anyways, the launch itself for this whole thing will probably be in another few weeks. I keep saying that, but there's a few things I got to finish. I'll do a whole episode telling you guys where I really am on everything. Anyways, appreciate you guys listening. Hope you guys go just focus on one thing. If you got like, "I'm in MLM and I'm focusing on this business over here and I got this over here," in our minds we convince ourselves that that's awesome and we should be worth much or I'm sorry, that we should be worth more because I've got this going and I've got this going. This person over here said, "This is about what I'm doing, but they over here said this." It's like we get into these games where we want to ... It's about status. Not in an evil way. Not in a bad way, but it's about status where we feel like the more projects we're a part of, the more status we have as a person. We feel more important and that's okay. It's not a crazy thing to think that or want to feel that. That kind of status protection does not equal income. Okay? That's not where it comes from. Just kill every other project you're doing and just choose one. If that means you get out of MLM, great. Whatever it is that you feel like you need to be focusing on and doing only, those are the things to do. Don't worry about anything else. Kill everything else. Get rid of it. It doesn't matter. You'll never get ... What's that? It's actually in the book "The One Thing." It's a great book. It's a Russian proverb. I'm not going to be able to say it correctly, but it basically says, "Look, if there's two rabbits, you can't catch both by chasing both." Does that make sense? You can't catch both by chasing both. You got to chase just one. It's the exact same thing with this whole thing. You're not going to catch multiple opportunities, guys. You're going to catch one. You're going to master it. If you are going to expand, you're going to hire other people to help you do the job you were doing and then you're going to go get the next thing. That's how this happens. It doesn't happen the other way around. Anyway, just remember what this whole thing like ... That the obstacle is the way. You know what I mean? Whatever the obstacle is, it's in front of your head. That's exactly what you should be focusing on and pushing through. Wherever the grit is, the thing you're looking least forward to doing is probably the thing you should be doing. Does that make sense? If there's one where it's like, "Oh, I love to do this and it's this looming thing," what ends up happening is we start to distract ourselves from what we should be doing by taking on a new opportunity whether that's an MLM or another business or something. Does that make sense? Start looking at your activities. Start to figure out am I distracting myself right now? Am I trying to keep myself away from what I know I should be doing by fooling myself into thinking that I'm being productive because I'm working on something else? That's like the easiest progress lie ever. Okay? Start thinking about yourself instead. What do I want? What do I want? What's the thing that I'm going to go for? Is it do I want to build a huge downline? Awesome. I've got a cool system for you. Do you want to build something else? Cool. Whatever it is, choose. Get real passionate about it. If you're not already, maybe that's not the right thing. Does that make sense? Then when you get that thing, say no to everything else. Don't be fooled about progress. Don't confuse progress with achievement. You know what I mean? I've said that several times on this thing, but anyway, that's the whole point of this. Should you do Bitcoin? If you want to be a pro Bitcoiner, sure, or if you got crap tons of money sitting on the side and you want to do something with it and just kind of sit and hold and invest with it, sure. As like an income, no. Are you serious? No. No. No. No. No. Think about this, when there's a huge swing in the Bitcoin market or stock market or whatever it is, any investing, that means they've made like 10% that day. Well, you better have a lot of money in there to make a difference with 10% and they're excited on that day? You know what I mean? Anyway, that's the whole point of it. That's all I'm trying to say. Focus on your one thing. Don't get distracted. Figure out what that is. Anyway, I got to go do this work leg workout, which I'm not looking forward to. This guy's a bully, man. All right, guys. You're all awesome and I'll talk to you later. Bye. Hey, thanks for listening. Please remember to subscribe and leave feedback for me. Do you have a question you want answered live on the show? Go to secretmlmhacksradio.com to submit your question and download your free MLM Masters Pack.

Are you leveraging the law of attraction in your marketing for your online business? If not, you are chasing away your best customers and don't even know! This video shows you the trick to get it right! If you are building a business online, your marketing needs to be created in such a way that it attracts your perfect customer to you. Most people put out sales message after sales message... Pitch after pitch... And it actually repels customers. Then there are those who structure their content marketing in alignment with the attraction marketing principals and the seem to effortlessly generate leads and sales. This video explains what attraction is, what the law of attraction is and how you can leverage both in your online business to generate more leads and more sales. If you need an example of this, my channel here is perfect. I've been using attraction marketing all along and have created a huge audience that is growing at an accelerated rate... Why? Because I'm using the law of attraction in my content marketing. So what is the big trick? Well, it is giving to give...  You must put out content that is designed to give value to your target market and your customer avatar without expecting or even asking for them to become a lead or customer. "But Miles!?! You said I need a funnel?" Trust me, there is a time and place for you to offer them the opportunity to join you in your online business, but that time is not in every single video! When you focus on giving for the sake of adding value to their lives you are engaging the law of reciprocation. They feel more inclined to want to join you in your business, take you up on your free offer because they have experienced the value that you can deliver. When you structure your content marketing in a way that is trying to 'get from your target market' then the opposite happens. You actually end up repelling your perfect customer and they feel pressured and don't want to take you up on your offers because there is no trust. This is not just a new age idea, but a very popular marketing idea... Need proof it works? Jay Abraham has been using and teaching this method under another name for years... He calls it the strategy of pre-eminence and it is all about giving results in advance... Here is a video where he explains it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Gw14EJkzYs I have now (with the help of my wife) built two successful personal brands with this method and several highly profitable websites...  All because we've focused on leveraging attraction marketing and giving results first, before we ever ask for anything in return. I suggest you analyze your content marketing efforts and make sure you are leveraging the law of attraction in your business, too!

The nervous butterflies are chewing up my organs this week. Why? Because I'm speaking at Secure360 next Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm trying to build a presentation that: Appeals to both techie nerds like me, as well as regular human people Strikes a healthy balance between fun and informative So, my outline is roughly as follows: Intros Lets talk about pentesting vs. vulnerability scans Build your own hackin' lab for $500! Good/bad training (CEH vs. OSCP) Lets hack some stuff following a methodology! Tune in today's episode for more...

Aaron Stone from Facedown artist My Epic discusses what not to eat on tour, where to NOT call in for a podcast, how Jacob has a SLIGHT Plea For Purging addiction, how much it means to be on Facedown, and being present in an age of distractions. We are joined by a friend of the podcast Jacob. Why? Because I'm having too much fun to not involve my friends, that's why. Special thanks to Shannon Quiggle for the hook up. My Epic: http://myepicrock.com My Epic at Facedown: http://facedownrecords.com/2009/11/09/my-epic/ Chapter 65 Music: My Epic "Hail" "Lower Still" "Ghost Story" "Wives' Tale" As The Story Grows links: Help out at Patreon Follow on Twitter See what we're doing at Lavirra Productions ATSG Website ATSG Music and Merch Leave some feedback at iTunes ATSG YouTube Channel Join the Email List ATSG Facebook Email: asthestorygrows@gmail.com

Today’s expression and dialog: leftovers   You want me to throw this out?   No. Put it in the fridge.   Who’s gonna eat leftovers? I will!   Do you like pizza? I do! But, when I make a pizza OR when I buy a pizza, I always make an extra one. Why? Because I'm a pig? Because I eat pizza like monkeys eat bananas? No!! Because I like to eat fresh pizza...but I REALLY like to eat day-old pizza. Even two-day-old pizza! And, not only pizza, other foods, too! I LOVE food that has been cooked, served and then put in the refrigerator and THEN served AGAIN!! What do you call that kind of food? I'll tell you in today's podcast!    Have a SUPER day!   Coach Shane   Please subscribe on iTunes and get this podcast EVERY DAY! Support Coach Shane by giving $1 a month! On PayPal: Send to Or you can go here: Our sponsors: Click on JOIN CLASSES and get ALL the information! (Get a free AUDIO BOOK!) Our YouTube channel:     Today's Daily Easy English Expression PODCAST is UP and READY for YOU!! #LearnEnglish #ESL #Twinglish

Ep #16 - I'm super, super, superduper excited about this weeks episode of my podcast, Interested. Why? Because I'm interviewing the beautiful, lovely and extraordinary, Miss Whitney Cummings. Who is one of the hottest female comedians out today. I met Whitney several years ago when she had a small part on my reality show entitled Minding The Store. She played a girl that I was trying to hump. Her agent was really pushing her on me at the time and I remember her from then...she's come so far and she's doing so well. I thought it was appropriate that I had Chris D'Elia to comment on this particular episode because Chris and Whitney, if you can remember, starred in Whitney's sitcom that lasted for a while entitled Whitney. Chris played Whitney's boyfriend. They are also super, super best friends. So sit back, listen and enjoy this weeks episode of my podcast, Interested. It's Whitney Cummings and Chris D'Elia on the comments and the subject is sitcoms.

Ep #15 - I'm super, super, superduper excited about this weeks episode of my podcast, Interested. Why? Because I'm interviewing the beautiful, lovely and extraordinary, Miss Whitney Cummings. Who is one of the hottest female comedians out today. I met Whitney several years ago when she had a small part on my reality show entitled Minding The Store. She played a girl that I was trying to hump. Her agent was really pushing her on me at the time and I remember her from then...she's come so far and she's doing so well. I thought it was appropriate that I had Chris D'Elia to comment on this particular episode because Chris and Whitney, if you can remember, starred in Whitney's sitcom that lasted for a while entitled Whitney. Chris played Whitney's boyfriend. They are also super, super best friends. So sit back, listen and enjoy this weeks episode of my podcast, Interested. It's Whitney Cummings and Chris D'Elia on the comments and the subject is sitcoms.

Ohhhhhh chiiiilllld I'm excited for this one! Why? Because I'm pretty damn sure that when we all start our first online business we stress over some of the most insignificant things that really don't make a difference to your eventual success. But, of course it's hard to know that when you're first starting out. Trust me, I speak from experience here! When we were first starting out I stressed over logos, website themes, and other useless shit that doesn't really matter in the long run. So we decided to get real with alllll y'all and lay down some of the most common things you think you need when first starting a business, but don't! Curious to know if you are focusing on the wrong things? Click that big ol play button at the top of the page, download this in iTunes or listen on Stitcher and find out what to do with that big idea of yours. If you like what you hear, be sure to give us a 5 star rating or leave a review! And don't forget to tune in for a new episode every Thursday at 7am EST. Click Here and Learn How to Build Your Brand & Escape the 9-5 Words of Wisdom in This Week's Podcast: Josh gets angry and I get an eye twitch - the shit you seriously don't need when you're kicking off your biznasss With our business model, you won't have to register for one of these They may look flashy, but if your business is online then you don't need these To logo or not to logo? Here's what we've found from experience You fancy, huh! This is what doesn't need to be fancy Find out if you actually need an SEO consultant Revealing our TIPPPS in "Show us your Tips" - 2 tools we love Post-Podcast Resources and Honourable Mentions: The Escape Plan Our theme of choice from ThemeForest Stock images from Photodune Free stock images Unsplash Check out our Lifestyle Affiliate program Questions, comments or do you know a couple in business together or are you 1 half of an awesome duo that we should feature? Shoot us an email at questions@screwtheninetofive.com.