Podcast appearances and mentions of Ethan Smith

Gary and guest host Ethan Smith sit down to talk about the first wave of cuts from Spring as well as who looks like they've improved the most, and those who probably are on their last shot. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gary and guest host Ethan Smith sit down to talk about the first wave of cuts from Spring as well as who looks like they've improved the most, and those who probably are on their last shot.

For almost 200 years now, skeptics have been trying to come up with how Joseph Smith could have possibly come up with the Book of Mormon on his own. One of the most popular theories today is that Joseph Smith used information or was inspired by another book called View of the Hebrews, by Ethan Smith (no relation). In this episode of Keystone, David Snell sits down with Latter-day Saint scholar Stephen Smoot to talk about what the evidence tells us, and what it doesn't tell us.YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@keystoneldsInsta: https://www.instagram.com/keystonelds/Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@keystoneldsFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/keystonelds/Website: https://www.keystonelds.comMusic by Zach Sundwall

Rosalind Whitley (Dir. Product @Kentikinc) and Ethan Smith (Staff SRE @ An Enterprise Security Company) talk about network observability, the evolution of SRE for networking, flow analysis, and the complexity and tradeoffs or network design and operations at scale.SHOW: 872 SHOW TRANSCRIPT: The Cloudcast #872 TranscriptSHOW VIDEO: https://youtube.com/@TheCloudcastNET CLOUD NEWS OF THE WEEK - http://bit.ly/cloudcast-cnotwNEW TO CLOUD? CHECK OUT OUR OTHER PODCAST: "CLOUDCAST BASICS" SHOW SPONSOR:While data may be shaping our world, Data Citizens Dialogues is shaping the conversationFollow Data Citizens Dialogues on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcastsSHOW NOTES:Kentik - The Network Observability Platform (homepage)Topic 1 - Welcome to the show. Tell us about your background and the areas you focus on today.Topic 2 - I want to begin with the complexity of networking, and not just in the sense of routing, etc. Can you walk us through some of the things you have to consider, and potentially tradeoff, as you're thinking about network design and operations (e.g. performance, security, costs, logging, troubleshooting, etc.)Topic 3 - Usually there are many teams involved in making a large organization work. How do you collaborate across teams, and what types of technical hurdles get in the way of delivering the service? (maybe discuss logging challenges)Topic 3a - How has the role of SRE and Network Engineer evolved as we're now dealing with this new complexity? You have all the normal performance, high availability, observability stuff, but also things like egress costs, etc. Topic 4 - We talked earlier about the challenge of cost management when running a large SaaS service. What are some of the ways that you explore or model costing behaviors and look to improve them?Topic 5 - As you're working in a single cloud (e.g. AWS), there's often a belief that working only in that ecosystem is the best approach, as everything is integrated or billing is simpler. How did you go about exploring alternatives that worked in your cloud, but gave you more flexibility for your services?Topic 6 - How do you tend to think about lines of demarcation between your team, the SaaS tooling provider and the cloud provider? FEEDBACK?Email: show at the cloudcast dot netTwitter: @cloudcastpodInstagram: @cloudcastpodTikTok: @cloudcastpod

Who will the Pittsburgh Pirates sign this offseason and will they break their largest Free Agent signing ever? What is possibly the best hypothetical trade they can make as well? Tonight we are joined by Neil from NS9, Ethan Smith of Locked On Pirates, Andrew Destin from the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, and Mark (@platinumkey13 on twitter) who is a two time Fanboy winner this year. Use Promo Code NORTHSHORENINE for $20 off your first order at Seatgeek LIKE and SUBSCRIBE with NOTIFICATIONS ON if you enjoyed the show! NS9 MERCH: https://northshorenine.myspreadshop.com ►Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/NorthShoreNine ►Website: https://www.northshorenine.com ►Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/northshorenine ►TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@northshorenine ►Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/northshorenine ►Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/northshorenine ►Discord: https://discord.gg/3HVYPg544m

In this episode, Jim Stamm and Gary Morgan welcome Ethan Smith from Locked on Pirates back to the show to discuss some contradictory thoughts about this Bucco team. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Jim Stamm and Gary Morgan welcome Ethan Smith from Locked on Pirates back to the show to discuss some contradictory thoughts about this Bucco team.

Message from Ethan Smith on August 4, 2024

In this episode of Religion Today, host Martin Tanner examines the plausibility of the claims made by Joseph Smith about the origin of The Book of Mormon, translated by the gift and power of God.  He also examines the plausibility of the claims of critics who say Sidney Rigdon or Oliver Cowdery were authors.  Martin also examines the plausibility of the claims that Ethan Smith's book View of the Hebrews or Solomon Spanding's manuscript were the source for The Book of Mormon.  Martin concludes it would be impossible for Sidney Rigdon, Oliver Cowdery or View of the Hebrews, or the Spalding manuscript to be the source for the Book of Mormon.  Martin also examines the Ex-Mormons claims that similar wording in the King James Bible and the Book of Mormon means The Book of Mormon is not an ancient document, and finds this theory logically flawed.

Ethan Smith of Locked On Pirates joins the show for a crossover episode on Paul Skenes debut, previewing the Cubs/Pirates series, and more. Watch Matt's appearance on The Setup Man Podcast: https://youtu.be/g_44frhJ76I?si=wEbESbR-GEbqh9i0 Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!Stitch FixStyle that makes you feel as good as you look—get started today at StitchFix.com/MLB and get $20 off your first fixLinkedInRight now, you can try LinkedIn Sales Navigator and get a sixty-day free trial at LinkedIn.com/LOCKEDON.PolicygeniusCheck life insurance off your to do list in no time with Policygenius. Head to policygenius.com/lockedonmlb to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.DoorDashGet all your Mother's Day gifts, all in one place and get 50% off your next order, up to $15 when you spend $15+ on your next flower, convenience, grocery, or retail order now with code LOCKEDONMLB. That's LOCKEDONMLB. Order using DoorDash today. Terms apply.Monopoly GO!Get in the game and join your friends. Click HERE to Download MONOPOLY GO! now free on The App Store or Google Play.PrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply.FanDuelFanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook. Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning GUARANTEED That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – with any winning FIVE DOLLAR BET! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

We are live on today's episode of Locked On Pirates, and host Ethan Smith is answering questions from the live audience while previewing the final game of the series in a rubber match against the LA Angels, but more importantly, Ethan takes a look at what will be the Pirates biggest test of the season so far with 10 consecutive games versus the Chicago Cubs and Milwaukee Brewers awaiting them beginning on Friday. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!Stitch FixStyle that makes you feel as good as you look—get started today at StitchFix.com/MLB and get $20 off your first fix LinkedInRight now, you can try LinkedIn Sales Navigator and get a sixty-day free trial at LinkedIn.com/LOCKEDON. PolicygeniusCheck life insurance off your to do list in no time with Policygenius. Head to policygenius.com/lockedonmlb to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.DoorDashGet all your Mother's Day gifts, all in one place and get 50% off your next order, up to $15 when you spend $15+ on your next flower, convenience, grocery, or retail order now with code LOCKEDONMLB. That's LOCKEDONMLB. Order using DoorDash today. Terms apply.Monopoly GO!Get in the game and join your friends. Click HERE to Download MONOPOLY GO! now free on The App Store or Google Play.PrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply.FanDuelFanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook. Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning GUARANTEED That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – with any winning FIVE DOLLAR BET! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)  

Welcome back to Locked On Pirates everyone!On today's show, host Ethan Smith discusses the Pittsburgh Pirates victory over the LA Angels on Monday, headlined by Mitch Keller's complete game. Keller has had his struggles to begin 2024, but will the one-run, complete game showing propel Keller back into ace form?Following that, Ethan discusses Oneil Cruz, who has picked things up as of late, and why he is so important to the Pirates success. Finally, Ethan delivers some News and Notes at the tail end of the show, including a preview of tonight's action in game two versus the Angels from Anaheim. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!Stitch FixStyle that makes you feel as good as you look—get started today at StitchFix.com/MLB and get $20 off your first fix LinkedInRight now, you can try LinkedIn Sales Navigator and get a sixty-day free trial at LinkedIn.com/LOCKEDON. PolicygeniusCheck life insurance off your to do list in no time with Policygenius. Head to policygenius.com/lockedonmlb to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.DoorDashGet all your Mother's Day gifts, all in one place and get 50% off your next order, up to $15 when you spend $15+ on your next flower, convenience, grocery, or retail order now with code LOCKEDONMLB. That's LOCKEDONMLB. Order using DoorDash today. Terms apply.Monopoly GO!Get in the game and join your friends. Click HERE to Download MONOPOLY GO! now free on The App Store or Google Play.PrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply.FanDuelFanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook. Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning GUARANTEED That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – with any winning FIVE DOLLAR BET! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

On today's episode, host Ethan Smith and Gary Morgan are back to kickstart your week of Pirates baseball, discussing the series win over the Colorado Rockies, Paul Skenes start on Sunday versus the Buffalo Bisons as he inches closer to the bigs and a look ahead at what should be an eventful week for the Pittsburgh Pirates, all of today's episode of Locked On Pirates. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!DoorDashGet all your Mother's Day gifts, all in one place and get 50% off your next order, up to $15 when you spend $15+ on your next flower, convenience, grocery, or retail order now with code LOCKEDONMLB. That's LOCKEDONMLB. Order using DoorDash today. Terms apply.Monopoly GO!Get in the game and join your friends. Click HERE to Download MONOPOLY GO! now free on The App Store or Google Play.PrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelFanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook. Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning GUARANTEED That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – win or lose! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

We preview the series with the Pirates with Locked On Pirates host Ethan Smith. Plus, which front office would you rather have, the Pirates or the Rockies?   Follow & Subscribe on all Podcast platforms…  

Welcome to Locked On Pirates on Friday, May 3rd! On today's show, host Ethan Smith heads over to Locked On Rockies, as he sits down with LOR host Paul Holden to discuss the upcoming weekend series, why each team is struggling the way they are as of late, which front office each would rather have moving forward and well, Connor Joe. All of that an more on today's episode of Locked On Pirates. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors! DoorDashGet all your Mother's Day gifts, all in one place and get 50% off your next order, up to $15 when you spend $15+ on your next flower, convenience, grocery, or retail order now with code LOCKEDONMLB. That's LOCKEDONMLB. Order using DoorDash today. Terms apply. Monopoly GO!Get in the game and join your friends. Click HERE to Download MONOPOLY GO! now free on The App Store or Google Play. PrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100! eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers. GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase. FanDuelFanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook. Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning GUARANTEED That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – win or lose! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN) Follow & Subscribe on all Podcast platforms…

Making history is something that is usually followed by celebration, but for the Pirates offense, that is far from the case. The Pirates offense continues to struggle, and the statistics back up that notion, so what do they at this point of futility offensively to get off their historically low offensive outputs?Also, changes need to be made with the offense at some point, be it a call-up or a change in philosophy. Speaking of potential call-ups, both Nick Gonzales and Liover Peguero are off to hot starts in Indianapolis, so, could a call-up for one, or both, be in the near future?Finally, the Pirates look to even the series vs the A's on Tuesday evening, and host Ethan Smith has your game two preview. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!DoorDashGet all your Mother's Day gifts, all in one place and get 50% off your next order, up to $15 when you spend $15+ on your next flower, convenience, grocery, or retail order now with code LOCKEDONMLB. That's LOCKEDONMLB. Order using DoorDash today. Terms apply.Monopoly GO!Get in the game and join your friends. Click HERE to Download MONOPOLY GO! now free on The App Store or Google Play.PrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelFanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook. Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning GUARANTEED That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – win or lose! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

On today's episode of Locked On Pirates, host Ethan Smith and Monday guest Gary Morgan take a look at the month of April, a month that arguably saw the Pirates at their absolute best and their absolute worst. What's going right? What's going wrong? What over-arching story was told? All of that and more on today's episode of Locked On Pirates. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!DoorDashGet all your Mother's Day gifts, all in one place and get 50% off your next order, up to $15 when you spend $15+ on your next flower, convenience, grocery, or retail order now with code LOCKEDONMLB. That's LOCKEDONMLB. Order using DoorDash today. Terms apply.Monopoly GO!Get in the game and join your friends. Click HERE to Download MONOPOLY GO! now free on The App Store or Google Play.PrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelFanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook. Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning GUARANTEED That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – win or lose! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

It's Wednesday and happy hump day!On today's episode, host Ethan Smith discusses the Pittsburgh Pirates victory over the Brewers on Tuesday evening, their second straight win over the Brew Crew. Bailey Falter had quite the evening, continuing a string of dominance from starting pitching that many of us didn't expect. The starting pitching highlights the top of the show and Ethan discusses why he thinks it can continue to be efficient. Also, Andrew McCutchen homered to begin the game for the second straight game. His splits suggest its a good idea for him to leadoff, so could we expect more of it moving forward from Cutch?Finally, Ethan takes a look at the third game of the series today as the Pirates aim for a series win over Milwaukee on today's episode of Locked On Pirates. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!DoorDashGet all your Mother's Day gifts, all in one place and get 50% off your next order, up to $15 when you spend $15+ on your next flower, convenience, grocery, or retail order now with code LOCKEDONMLB. That's LOCKEDONMLB. Order using DoorDash today. Terms apply. PolicygeniusCheck life insurance off your to do list in no time with Policygenius. Head to policygenius.com/lockedonmlb to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. Monopoly GO!Get in the game and join your friends. Download MONOPOLY GO! now free on The App Store or Google Play.PrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelFanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook. Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning GUARANTEED That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – win or lose! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN) 

Ep. 219 Is Google really at risk of becoming obsolete in the age of AI-driven search? Ethan Smith's answer may surprise you. Kipp, Kieran and Ethan Smith (Graphite) dive into the Ai revolution and its impact on search marketing and SEO practices. Learn more about the adaptability of Google's Adwords model in the Ai era, and the tactics for dominating Ai-driven search through strategic content creation. Mentions Graphite https://graphite.io/ Quora https://www.quora.com/ Google AdWords https://ads.google.com/ We're on Social Media! Follow us for everyday marketing wisdom straight to your feed YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGtXqPiNV8YC0GMUzY-EUFg  Twitter: https://twitter.com/matgpod  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@matgpod  Join our community https://landing.connect.com/matg Thank you for tuning into Marketing Against The Grain! Don't forget to hit subscribe and follow us on Apple Podcasts (so you never miss an episode)! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/marketing-against-the-grain/id1616700934   If you love this show, please leave us a 5-Star Review https://link.chtbl.com/h9_sjBKH and share your favorite episodes with friends. We really appreciate your support. Host Links: Kipp Bodnar, https://twitter.com/kippbodnar   Kieran Flanagan, https://twitter.com/searchbrat  ‘Marketing Against The Grain' is a HubSpot Original Podcast // Brought to you by The HubSpot Podcast Network // Produced by Darren Clarke.

Welcome back to Locked On Pirates. It's Monday, so host Ethan Smith is joined by Gary Morgan, discussing whatever it is that we watched over the past week, as the Pittsburgh Pirates just flat out look like an embarrassing baseball team right now. After a hot start, everything has gone south for the most part, so Ethan and Gary share their rational thoughts on what they're seeing, what's going wrong, how the Pirates can flip the script back in their favor and many other topics surrounding the six-game losing skid. All of that and more on today's episode of Locked On Pirates, Your Team, Everyday. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!DoorDashGet all your Mother's Day gifts, all in one place and get 50% off your next order, up to $15 when you spend $15+ on your next flower, convenience, grocery, or retail order now with code LOCKEDONMLB. That's LOCKEDONMLB. Order using DoorDash today. Terms apply. PolicygeniusCheck life insurance off your to do list in no time with Policygenius. Head to policygenius.com/lockedonmlb to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. Monopoly GO!Get in the game and join your friends. Download MONOPOLY GO! now free on The App Store or Google Play.PrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelFanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook. Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning GUARANTEED That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – win or lose! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

Happy Friday and welcome back to the Locked On Pirates podcast. On today's show, host Ethan Smith highlights Paul Skenes, who has had an electric start at AAA Indianapolis. How should Skenes continue as the season progresses? When can we expect a call-up? And more. Also, Quinn Priester, who has also had quite the start in AAA, moves up to make his 2024 debut, replacing Marco Gonzales. What has Priester done well in the minors thus far? What should we expect tonight? And more. Finally, Ethan talks about the upcoming weekend series versus the Boston Red Sox, highlighting pitching matchups, injuries of note, trends and keys to victory for the Pirates in today's episode. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!PolicygeniusCheck life insurance off your to do list in no time with Policygenius. Head to policygenius.com/lockedonmlb to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. Monopoly GO!Get in the game and join your friends. Download MONOPOLY GO! now free on The App Store or Google Play. Yahoo FinanceFor comprehensive financial news and analysis, visit the brand behind every great investor, YahooFinance.com.PrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelFanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook. Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning GUARENTEED That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – win or lose! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

In today's episode, Connor is joined by Ethan Smith of Locked On Pirates to discuss the start to the Philadelphia Phillies' series with the Pittsburgh Pirates and what fans should expect from the next 3 games of the matchup! First, some reaction to last night's 5-1 Phils win, and then a conversation about what the expectations for each team over the weekend should be! Next, are the Pirates legit? With a hot start to the year, Ethan breaks down his thoughts on where the team is right now, and how they compare to the Phillies. Finally, with only a couple weeks' worth of games in the books, is it too early to judge teams and players right now? Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!PolicygeniusCheck life insurance off your to do list in no time with Policygenius. Head to policygenius.com/lockedonmlb to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.  IbottaRight now, Ibotta is offering our listeners $5 just for trying Ibotta by using the code LOCKEDONMLB when you download the app.  PrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelFanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook. Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning GUARENTEED That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – win or lose! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)RobinhoodRobinhood has the only IRA that gives you a 3% boost on every dollar you contribute when you subscribe to Robinhood Gold. Now through April 30th, Robinhood is even boosting every single dollar you transfer in from other retirement accounts with a 3% match. Available to U.S. customers in good standing. Robinhood Financial LLC (member SIPC), is a registered broker dealer.Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTV RobinhoodRobinhood has the only IRA that gives you a 3% boost on every dollar you contribute when you subscribe to Robinhood Gold. Now through April 30th, Robinhood is even boosting every single dollar you transfer in from other retirement accounts with a 3% match. Available to U.S. customers in good standing. Robinhood Financial LLC (member SIPC), is a registered broker dealer.Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. 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Hello folks and welcome back to Locked On Pirates. On today's show, host Ethan Smith begins his Thursday Pirates discussion by highlighting the approach we've seen offensively from the Pittsburgh Pirates. Is it a sustainable approach? How have they implemented the approach well enough to see continued success? And more. Also, Jared Jones goes to the hill  for his third start on the young season, and he's impressed thus far. What is Jones doing right, can he keep it up and what challenges will he face against a strong Phillies offense?Speaking of the Phillies, Ethan also gives you a brief preview of the series against the Pirates in-state rivals as they duel it out in a four game set. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!PolicygeniusCheck life insurance off your to do list in no time with Policygenius. Head to policygenius.com/lockedonmlb to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.  IbottaRight now, Ibotta is offering our listeners $5 just for trying Ibotta by using the code LOCKEDONMLB when you download the app.  PrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelFanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook. Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning GUARENTEED That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – win or lose! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

In this episode, Jim Stamm and Gary Morgan welcome Ethan Smith from LockedOn Pirates to the show as we talk through early season topics like Derek Shelton, Mitch Keller and how the offense is shaping up in general.

This week Gary and Jim welcome Ethan Smith from LockedOn Pirates to the show as we talk through early season topics like Derek Shelton, Mitch Keller and how the offense is shaping up in general. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy Wednesday and welcome back!On today's show, host Ethan Smith discusses Mitch Keller and the hopes that he has a rebound start after an Opening Day he'd like to forget. What can he do this time around to have a better outing against the Nats?Also, the Pirates acquired catcher Joey Bart from the San Francisco Giants on Tuesday night as Jason Delay heads to the IL and Yasmani Grandal's progression has slowed. What are the Pirates getting in Joey Bart and what does it mean for the catcher position moving forward?Finally, the Pirates aim to stay undefeated tonight as they take on the Nats in game two of the series. Ethan has your preview and more on today's episode of Locked On Pirates. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!RobinhoodRobinhood has the only IRA that gives you a 3% boost on every dollar you contribute when you subscribe to Robinhood Gold. Now through April 30th, Robinhood is even boosting every single dollar you transfer in from other retirement accounts with a 3% match. Available to U.S. customers in good standing. Robinhood Financial LLC (member SIPC), is a registered broker dealer.Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

Its the first off day for the Pittsburgh Pirates in 2024, and host Ethan Smith discusses the Buccos 5th win on the season, securing their first 5-0 start since 1983. Why do the Pirates just keep winning? What are they doing right? Is Derek Shelton pushing all the right buttons so far? Ethan discusses on today's episode of Locked On Pirates. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!RobinhoodRobinhood has the only IRA that gives you a 3% boost on every dollar you contribute when you subscribe to Robinhood Gold. Now through April 30th, Robinhood is even boosting every single dollar you transfer in from other retirement accounts with a 3% match. Available to U.S. customers in good standing. Robinhood Financial LLC (member SIPC), is a registered broker dealer.Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

On today's Monday, April 1, 2024 episode of Locked On Pirates, host Ethan Smith is joined by Gary Morgan to discuss the perfect start to the Pirates 2024 campaign as they swept the Marlins in a four game series to begin the season. Ethan and Gary share their thoughts and takeaways from the series, what they learned, what they liked, what they didn't like, and more. Also, the duo looks ahead to the Pirates upcoming three game set versus the Washington Nationals.Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!RobinhoodRobinhood has the only IRA that gives you a 3% boost on every dollar you contribute when you subscribe to Robinhood Gold. Now through April 30th, Robinhood is even boosting every single dollar you transfer in from other retirement accounts with a 3% match. Available to U.S. customers in good standing. Robinhood Financial LLC (member SIPC), is a registered broker dealer.Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsFrom brakes to exhaust kits and beyond, eBay Motors has over 122 million parts to keep your ride-or-die alive. With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to bring home that big win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONMLB for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

2024 MLB Opening Day is officially here, and Locked On Pirates host Ethan Smith and Locked On Marlins host Peter Pratt are here for your Pittsburgh Pirates v Miami Marlins preview!First, the duo discusses each team's offseason and how they got here.After, they discuss the expected pitching matchups in the series, highlighted by left-handed pitching and today's pitching matchup of aces between Mitch Keller & Jesus Luzardo.Finally, Ethan and Peter take on predictions on who could start the season hot, and their answers may surprise you. All of that and more to kick off Opening Day here at Locked On, Your Team, Everyday. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsWith all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDON for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

Opening Day is tomorrow, and host Ethan Smith is sharing some of his best bets heading into the 2024 campaign for the Pittsburgh Pirates!Oneil Cruz over on his home run total?How about Mitch Keller on strikeouts?David Bednar over on saves?Ethan also shares his best opening day bets, highlighting bets from FanDuel Sportsbook and PrizePicks!Remember to bet responsibly. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsWith all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDON for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

Folks, Ethan Smith is having a blast for Opening Day week, and on today's second Wednesday episode, Ethan is joined by former Pittsburgh Pirates catcher and current broadcast team member Michael McKenry with Opening Day approaching tomorrow. Ethan starts by asking Michael on his thoughts about Henry Davis entering his first campaign as the full-time catcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates and what he's seen from Davis in the offseason and in spring that could show optimism for the former first overall pick. Michael also gives his thoughts on the Pirates Spring Training and offseason, highlighting strengths and weaknesses he's seen from the club so far. Finally, Michael shares his thoughts on the opening series versus the Marlins and shares some of his season predictions for the 2024 Pirates. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsWith all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDON for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

Derek Shelton and Co. released the Opening Day roster on Monday, and host Ethan Smith has some thoughts about it. Obviously IL stints, be them short and long, impacted some decisions here, but the Pirates did some good things and some that Ethan hesitates to say are good ideas, but he breaks down the entire Opening Day roster on today's episode of Locked On Pirates. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsWith all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDON for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

It's officially Opening Day week, and host Ethan Smith is kicking off the first of three preview and predictions show on Monday. Gary Morgan joins as he does every Monday as the duo previews the upcoming season, which players will lead the way statistically in both leagues, which teams will surprise and which will be letdowns, their playoff and World Series picks and more. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsWith all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDON for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

It's a Mailbag Friday and Ethan Smith is answering all of your questions on today's episode of Locked On Pirates!How will the outfield look w/ the addition of Michael A. Taylor?What's the starting rotation going to look like day one?How about the distance of Oneil Cruz's longest homer this year?All of that and more on today's episode!Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!IbottaRight now, Ibotta is offering our listeners $5 for just trying Ibotta by using code LOCKEDONMLB. Just go to the app store and download the free Ibotta app to start earning cash back now. Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsWith all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDON for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

Folks, we're just over a week away from regular season baseball, and with Spring Training nearing a close, host Ethan Smith takes a look at our biggest questions entering the preseason and how those questions and storylines have played out. What are the positives? What are the negatives? And more. Spring News & Notes follows, with injury news, a game today against the Yankees, a look at the remaining spring schedule and so much more. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!IbottaRight now, Ibotta is offering our listeners $5 for just trying Ibotta by using code LOCKEDONMLB. Just go to the app store and download the free Ibotta app to start earning cash back now. Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsWith all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDON for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

On today's episode of Locked On Pirates, host Ethan Smith has been ecstatic about the play he's seen from Oneil Cruz thus far in Spring. Cruz being healthy is a major plus for the Pirates lineup, so can his strong Spring play translate to the regular season and just how good can Cruz be?Also, Andrew McCutchen is entering his 16th season of MLB in his career in 2024 and has plenty of milestones to reach. What are those milestones? When can we expect he reaches them? And more. Finally, Ethan ends the show w/ Spring News & Notes, catching you up on all the happenings in Bradenton. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!IbottaRight now, Ibotta is offering our listeners $5 for just trying Ibotta by using code LOCKEDONMLB. Just go to the app store and download the free Ibotta app to start earning cash back now. Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsWith all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDON for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

Two more Monday's to go before Opening Day folks!On today's show, host Ethan Smith, joined by Gary Morgan, discuss a busy weekend for the Pittsburgh Pirates as they added outfielder Michael A. Taylor and starting pitcher Domingo German. Ethan and Gary discuss the acquisitions and how they'll contribute to the team heading into the regular season. Also, Jared Jones has had a phenomenal spring training and is making a strong case to make the Opening Day roster. The biggest question is should he and how will he be handled if he is?Finally, in Spring News and Notes, Ethan and Gary share their biggest thoughts from Spring as it draws to a close soon and if some things we've seen will translate to the regular season. All of that and more on today's episode of Locked On Pirates. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!IbottaRight now, Ibotta is offering our listeners $5 for just trying Ibotta by using code LOCKEDONMLB. Just go to the app store and download the free Ibotta app to start earning cash back now. Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsWith all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDON for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

Welcome to another episode of Bricks Behind the Ivy, A Cubs Podcast with Jeff "CandidCubs" Ragauskis and Sean "HotStoveCubbies" Chapin.    This episode, we are joined by Ethan Smith of "Locked On Pirates" to discuss the Pittsburgh Pirates and his outlook on 2024. This is our first in our NL Central Preview Series. 

Over the past couple seasons for the Pittsburgh Pirates, it's been about creating a new core to get back to competitive baseball. Entering 2024, it appears that core is growing, and host Ethan Smith highlights some first time All-Star candidates on the Pirates roster and how each could get into the mid-summer classic as well as their importance to the team as a whole. Also, Ethan heads over to Milwaukee in "Know Your Enemy", discussing the Brewers off-season and what the Pirates should come to expect from the Brew Crew. Finally, Ethan goes over the March 12 Spring News and Notes. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!RobinhoodRobinhood has the only IRA that gives you a 3% boost on every dollar you contribute when you subscribe to Robinhood Gold. Now through April 30th, Robinhood is even boosting every single dollar you transfer in from other retirement accounts with a 3% match. Available to U.S. customers in good standing. Robinhood Financial LLC (member SIPC), is a registered broker dealer. Amazon Fire TVFire TV recently created Fire TV Channels to deliver a constant supply of the latest videos from your favorite sports brands, all for free. That includes all of us at Locked On and most of the big pro leagues and college conferences as well. To Learn More, visit www.amazon.com/LockedOnFireTVPrizePicksGo to PrizePicks.com/lockedonmlb and use code lockedonmlb for a first deposit match up to $100!eBay MotorsWith all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDON for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)

The Pirates are still looking for their first pennant since 1979. And with a cast of talented young players who got off to a hot start in 2023, they look poised to contend in a winnable National League Central.Ethan Smith of Locked on Pirates stops by to give his thoughts.Follow Ethan on Twitter @mvp_EtHaNSupport Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!Factor MealsHead to FactorMeals.com/lockedonmlb50 and use code lockedonmlb50 to get 50% off.eBay MotorsWith all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers.GametimeDownload the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDON for $20 off your first purchase.FanDuelNew customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started.FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN)Follow & Subscribe on all Podcast platforms…

The Pirates are still looking for their first pennant since 1979. And with a cast of talented young players who got off to a hot start in 2023, they look poised to contend in a winnable National League Central. Ethan Smith of Locked on Pirates stops by to give his thoughts. Follow Ethan on Twitter @mvp_EtHaN Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors! Factor Meals Head to FactorMeals.com/lockedonmlb50 and use code lockedonmlb50 to get 50% off. eBay Motors With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers. Gametime Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDON for $20 off your first purchase. FanDuel New customers, join today and you'll get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in BONUS BETS if your first bet of FIVE DOLLARS or more wins. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN) Follow & Subscribe on all Podcast platforms…

Visual Staring OCD (also known as Visual Tourrettic OCD), a complex and often misunderstood form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, involves an uncontrollable urge to stare at certain objects or body parts, leading to significant distress and impairment. In an enlightening conversation with Kimberley, Matt Bannister shares his journey of overcoming this challenging condition, offering hope and practical advice to those grappling with similar issues. Matt's story begins in 2009, marked by a sense of depersonalization and dissociation, which he describes as an out-of-body experience and likened to looking at a stranger when viewing himself in the mirror. His narrative is a testament to the often-overlooked complexity of OCD, where symptoms can extend beyond the stereotypical cleanliness and orderliness. Kimberley's insightful probing into the nuances of Matt's experiences highlights the profound impact of Visual Staring OCD on daily life. The disorder manifested in Matt as an overwhelming need to maintain eye contact, initially with female colleagues, out of fear of being perceived as disrespectful. This compulsion expanded over time to include men and intensified to such a degree that Matt felt his mind couldn't function normally. The social implications of Visual Staring OCD are starkly evident in Matt's recount of workplace experiences. Misinterpretation of his behavior led to stigmatization and gossip, deeply affecting his mental well-being and leading to self-isolation. Matt's story is a poignant illustration of the societal misunderstandings surrounding OCD and its variants. Treatment and recovery form a significant part of the conversation. Matt emphasizes the role of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) in his healing process. However, he notes the initial challenges in applying these techniques, underscoring the necessity of a tailored approach to therapy. Kimberley and Matt delve into the power of community support in managing OCD. Matt's involvement with the IOCDF (International OCD Foundation) community and his interactions with others who have overcome OCD, like Chris Trondsen, provide him with valuable insights and strategies. He speaks passionately about the importance of self-compassion, a concept introduced to him by Katie O'Dunne, and how it transformed his approach to recovery. A critical aspect of Matt's journey is the realization and acceptance of his condition. His story underscores the importance of proper diagnosis and understanding of OCD's various manifestations, which can be as unique as the individuals experiencing them. Matt's narrative is not just about overcoming a mental health challenge; it's a story of empowerment and advocacy. His transition from a struggling individual to a professional peer support worker is inspiring. He is now dedicated to helping others navigate their paths to recovery, using his experiences and insights to offer hope and practical advice. In conclusion, Matt Bannister's journey through the complexities of Visual Staring OCD is a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit. His story offers valuable insights into the disorder, challenges misconceptions, and highlights the importance of tailored therapy, community support, and self-compassion in overcoming OCD. For anyone struggling with OCD, Matt's story is a beacon of hope and a reminder that recovery, though challenging, is within reach. Instagram - matt bannister27 Facebook - matthew.bannister.92 Facebook group - OCD Warrior Badass Tribe Email :matt3ban@hotmail.com Kimberley: Welcome back, everybody. Every now and then, there is a special person that comes in and supports me in this way that blows me away. And today we have Matt Bannister, who is one of those people. Thank you, Matt, for being here today. This is an honor on many fronts, so thank you for being here. Matthew: No, thank you for bringing me on, Kim. This is a huge honor. I'm so grateful to be on this. It's just amazing. Thank you so, so much. It's great to be here. Kimberley: Number one, you have been such a support to me in CBT School and all the things that I'm doing, and I've loved hearing your updates and so forth around that. But today, I really want you to come on and tell your story from start to end, whatever you want to share. Tell us about you and your recovery story. Matthew: Sure. I mean, I would like to start as well saying that your CBT School is amazing. It is so awesome. It's helped me big time in my recovery, so I recommend that to everyone. I'm an IOCDF grassroots advocate. I am super passionate about it. I love being involved with the community, connecting with the community. It's like a big family. I'm so honored to be a part of this amazing community. My recovery story and my journey started back in 2009, when—this is going to show how old I am right now—I remember talking on MSN. I remember I was talking; my mind went blank in a conversation, and I was like, “Ooh, that's weird. It's like my mind's gone blank.” But that's like a normal thing. I can just pass it off and then keep going forward. But the thing is with me. It didn't. It latched on with that. I didn't know what was going on with me. It was very frightening. I believe that was a start for me with depersonalization and dissociation. I just had no idea of what it was. Super scary. It was like I started to forget part of my social life and how to communicate with people. I really did start to dissociate a lot when I was getting nervous. And that went on for about three or four years, but it gradually faded naturally. Kimberley: So you had depersonalization and derealization, and if so, can you explain to listeners what the differences were and how you could tell the differences? Matthew: Yeah. I think maybe, if I'm right with this, with the depersonalization, it felt like I knew how it was, but I didn't at the same time. It was like when I was looking in a mirror. It was like looking at a stranger. That's how it felt. It just felt like I became a shell of myself. Again, I just didn't know what was happening. It was really, really scary. I think it made it worse. With my former friends at that time, we'd make fun of that, like, “Oh, come on, you're not used to yourself anymore. You're not as confident anymore. What's going on? You used to try and take the [03:19 inaudible] a lot with that.” With the dissociation, I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. For me, if I sat in a room and it was really hitting me hard, as if I were anxious, it would feel like I was floating around that room. I couldn't concentrate. It was very difficult to focus on things, especially if it was at work. It'd be very hard to do so. That came on and off. Kimberley: Yeah, it's such a scary feeling. I've had it a lot in my life too, and I get it. It makes you start to question reality, question even your mental health. It's such a scary experience, especially the first time you have it. I remember the first time I was actually with a client when it started. Matthew: Yeah, it is. Again, it is just a frightening experience. It felt like even when I was walking through places, it was just fog all the time. That's how it felt. I felt like someone had placed a curse on me. I really believe that with those feelings, and how else can I explain it? But that did eventually fade, luckily, in about, like I said, three to four years, just naturally on its own. When I had those sensations, I got used to that, so I didn't put as much emphasis on those situations. Then I carried on naturally through that. Then, well, with going through actually depersonalization, unfortunately, that's when my OCD did hit. For me, it was with, I believe, relationship OCD because I was with someone at the time. I was constantly always checking on them, seeing if they loved me. Like, am I boring you? Because I thought of depersonalization. I thought I wasn't being my full authentic self and that you didn't want to be within me anymore. I would constantly check my messages. If they didn't put enough kisses on the end of a message, I think, “Oh, they don't love me as much anymore. Oh no, I have to check.” All the time, even in phone calls, I always made sure to hear that my partner would say, “Oh, I love you back,” or “I love you.” Or as I thought, I did something wrong. Like they're going off me. I had a spiral, thinking this person was going to cheat on me. It went on and on and on and on with that. But eventually, again, the relationship did fade in a natural way. It wasn't because of the OCD; it was just how it went. And then, with relationship OCD, with that, I faded with that. A search with my friends didn't really affect me with that. Then what I can recall, what I have maybe experienced with OCD, I've had sexual orientation OCD. Again, I was questioning my sexuality. I'm heterosexual, and I was in another warehouse, a computer warehouse, and it was all males there. I was getting what I describe as intrusive thoughts of images of doing sexual acts or kissing and stuff like that. I'm thinking, “Why am I getting these thoughts? I know where my sexuality is.” There's nothing wrong, obviously, with being homosexual or queer. Nothing wrong with that at all. It's just like I said, that's how it fades with me. I mean, it could happen again with someone who's queer, and it could be getting heterosexual thoughts. They don't want that because they know they're comfortable with their sexuality. But OCD is trying to doubt that. But then again, for me, that did actually fade again after about five or six months, just on its own. And then, fast forward two years later is when the most severe theme of OCD I've ever had hit me hard like a ton of bricks. And that for me was Visual Tourettic OCD, known as Staring OCD, known as Ocular Tourettic OCD. And that was horrendous. The stigma I received with this theme was awful. I remembered the day when it hit me, when I was talking to a female colleague. Like we all do, we all look around the room and we try and think of something to say, but my eyes just landed on the chest, like just an innocent look. I'm like, “Oh my God, why did I do that? I don't want to disrespect this person in front of me. I treat her as an equal. I treat everyone the same way. I don't want to feel like she's being disrespected.” So I heavily maintained eye contact after that. Throughout that conversation, it was fine. It was normal, nothing different. But after that, it really latched onto me big time. The rumination was massive. It was like, you've got to make sure you're giving every single female colleague now eye contact. You have to do it because you know otherwise what stigma you could get. And that went on for months and years, and it progressed to men as well a couple of years later. It felt like my mind can't function anymore. I remember again I was sitting next to my friend, who was having a game on the PlayStation. And then I just looked at his lap, just for no reason, just looked at his lap, and he said, “Ooh, I feel cold and want to go and change.” I instantly thought, “Oh my God, is it because he thought I might have stared that I creeped him out?” And then it just seriously latched onto me big time. As we all know, with this as well, when we think of the pink elephant allergy, it's like when we don't think of the pink elephant, what do we do? And that's what it was very much like with this. I remember when it started to get really bad, my eyes would die and embarrass somebody part places. It was like the more anxious I felt about not wanting to do it, the more it happened, where me and my good friend, Carol Edwards, call it a tick with the eye movement. So like Tourette, let's say, when you get really nervous, I don't know if this is all true. When someone's really nervous, maybe they might laugh involuntarily, like from the Joker movie, or like someone swearing out loud. This is the same thing with eye movement. Every time I was talking to a colleague face-to-face to face, I was giving them eye contact, my mind would be saying to me, “Don't look there, don't look there, don't look there,” and unfortunately think it would happen. That tick would happen. It would land where I wouldn't want it to land. It was very embarrassing because eventually it did get noticed. I remember seeing female colleagues covering their hi vis tops, like across their arms. Men would cover their crotches. They would literally cross their legs very blatantly in front of me. Then I could start to hear gossip. This is when it got really bad, because I really heard the stigma from this. No one confronted me by the way of this face-to-face, but I could hear it crystal clear. They were calling me all sorts, like deviant or creep or a perv. “Have you seen his eyes? Have you seen him looking and does that weird things with his eyes? He checks everyone out.” It was really soul-destroying because my compulsion was to get away from everyone. I would literally hide across a room. Where no one else was around, I would hide in the cubicles because it was the only place where I wasn't triggered. It got bad again. It went to my family, my friends, everyone around me. It didn't happen with children, but it happened with every adult. It was horrendous. I reached out to therapy. Luckily, I did get in contact with a CBT therapist, but it was talk therapy. But it's better than nothing. I will absolutely take that. She was amazing. I can't credit my therapist enough. She was awesome. If this person, maybe this is like grace, you're amazing, so thank you for that. She was really there for me. It was someone I could really talk to, and it can help me and understand as best as she could. She did, I believe, further research into what I had. And then that's when I finally got diagnosed that I had OCD. I never knew this was OCD, and everything else made sense, like, “Oh, this is why I was going through all those things before. It all now makes concrete sense what I was going through.” Then I looked up the Facebook group called Peripheral Vision/Visual Tourettic OCD. That was a game-changer for me. I finally knew that I wasn't alone because, with this, you really think you're alone, and you are not. There are thousands of people with this, or even more. That was truly validating. I was like, “Thank God I'm not the only one.” But the problem is, I didn't really talk in that group at first because I thought if other people saw me writing in that group, it's going to really kill my reputation big time. That would be like the final nail in the coffin. Even though it was a private group, no one could do that. But I didn't still trust it that much at that time. I was doing ERP, and I thought great because I've researched ERP. I knew that it's effective. Obviously, it's the gold standard. But for me, unfortunately, I think I was doing it where I was white-knuckling through exposures. Also, when I was hearing at work, still going back to my most triggering place, ERP, unfortunately, wasn't working for me because I wasn't healing. It was like I was going through the trigger constantly. My mind was just so overwhelmed. I didn't have time to heal. I remember I eventually self-isolated in my room. I didn't go anywhere. I locked myself away because I thought I just couldn't cope anymore. It was a really dark moment. I remember crying. It was just like despair. I was like, “What's happening to me? Why is all this happening to me?” Later on, I did have the choice at work. I thought, I can either go through the stillest, hellacious process or I can choose to go on sick leave and give my chance to heal and recover. That's why I did. And that was the best decision I ever made. I recommend that to anyone who's going through OCD severely. You always have a choice. You always have a choice. Never pressure yourself or think you're weak or anything like that, because that's not the case. You are a warrior. When you're going through things like this, you are the most strongest person in the world. It takes a lot of courage to confront those demons every single day to never ever doubt yourself with that. You are a strong, amazing individual. When I did that, again, I could heal. It took me two weeks. Unfortunately, my therapy ended. I only had 10 sessions, but I had to wait another three months for further therapy in person, so I thought, “Oh, at least I do eventually get therapy in person. That's amazing.” And then the best thing happened to me. I found the IOCDF community. Everything changed. The IOCDF is amazing. The best community, in my opinion, the world for OCD. My god, I remember when I first went on Ethan's livestream with Community Conversations. I reached out to Ethan, and he sent me links for OCD-UK. I think OCD Action as well. That was really cool of him and great, and I super appreciate that, and you knew straight away because I remember watching this video with Jonathan Grayson, who is also an amazing guy and therapist, talking about this. I was like, again, this is all that I have. And then after that, I reached out to Chris Trondsen as the expert. What Chris said was so game-changing to me because he's gone through this as well and has overcome it. He's overcome so many severe themes of OCD. I'm like, “This guy is amazing. He is an absolute rock star. Literally like a true champion.” For someone to go through as much as he has and to be where he is today, I can't ask for any more inspirement from that. It's just incredible. He gave some advice as well in that livestream when we were talking because I reached out and said, how did you overcome this? He said, “With the staring OCD, well, I basically told myself, while I'm staring, well, I might as well stare anyway.” And that clicked with me because I'm thinking he's basically saying that he just didn't give it value anymore. I'm like, “That's what I've been doing all this time. I've given so much value, so much importance. That's why it keeps happening to me.” I'm like, “Okay, I can maybe try and work with this.” Then I started connecting with Katie O'Dunne, who is also amazing. She was the first person I actually did hear about self-compassion. I'm like, “Yes, why didn't I learn about this early in my life? Self-compassion is amazing. I need to know all about this.” It makes so much sense. Why'd I keep beating myself up when I treat a friend, like when I talked to myself about this? No, I wouldn't. I just watched Katie's streams and watched her videos and Instagram. It was just an eye-opener for me. I was like, “Wow, she's talking about, like, bring it on mindset as well with this.” When you're about to face the brave thing, just say, “Bring it on. Just bring on," like The Rock says. "Just bring it. I just love that. That's what I did. That's what I started doing. I connected as well with my friend, Carol Edwards, who is also a former therapist and is the author of many books. One of them was Address Staring OCD. If anyone's going through this as well, I really recommend that book. Carol is an amazing, amazing person. Such an intelligent woman. When I met Carol, it was like the first time in my life. I was like, “Wow, I'm actually talking to someone who's got the same theme as me, and a lot of other themes I've gone through, she has as well.” We just totally got each other. I was like, “Finally, I'm validated. I can talk to someone who gets it truly.” And that really helped, let's say, when I started to learn about value-based exposures. I remember, again, Katie, Elizabeth McIngvale, Ethan, and Chris. I was like, “Yeah, I mean, I'm going to do it that way,” because I just did ERP before I was white-knuckling. I never thought of doing it in a value-based way. So I thought, okay, well, what is OCD taking away that I enjoy most doing? That's what I did. I created a hierarchy, or like even in my mind. I thought, well, the cinema, restaurants, coffee shops, going to concerts, eventually going on holiday again, seeing my friends, family is most probably most important. I started doing baby steps. I remember as well, I asked Chris and Liz, how do I open up to this to my family? Because I've got to a point where I just can't hide behind a mask anymore. I need someone else to know who's really close to me. Chris gave me some amazing advice, and Liz, and they said that if you show documents, articles, videos about this, long as they have a great understanding of mental health and OCD, you should be okay. And that's what I did. They know I had OCD. I've told them I had OCD, but not the theme I had. When I showed them documents and videos, it was so nerve-racking, I won't lie. But it was the best thing I ever did because then, when they watched that, they came to me and said, “Why didn't you tell us about this before? I thought you wouldn't understand or grasp this.” I know OCD awareness in the UK is not the best, especially with this theme. But they said, “No, after watching that, we're on your team; we will support you. We are here for you. We will do exposures with you.” And they gave me a massive hug afterwards. I was like, “Oh my God, this is the best scenario for me ever,” because then I can really amplify my recovery. This is where it started really kicking on for me now. Everything I've learned, again, from those videos, watching with the streams from IOCDF, I've incorporated. Basically, when I was going to go to the cinema at first, I know that the cinema is basically darkness. When you walk through there, no one's really going to notice you. Yeah, they might see you in their peripheral vision, but they're going to be more like concentrating on that movie than me. That was my mindset. I was like, “Well, if I was like the other person and I didn't have VTO and the other person did, would I be more concentrated on them or the movie?” And for me, it would be obviously the movie. Why would I else? Unless they were doing something really vigorous or dancing in front of me, I'm not going to look. And that's my mindset. The deep anxiety was there, I will be honest. It was about 80 percent. But I had my value because I was going to watch a film that I really wanted to watch. I'm a big Marvel fan. It was Black Panther Wakanda, and I really enjoyed that. It was a long movie as well. I went with my friend. We got on very, very well. For me as well, with this trigger, I get triggered when people can move as well next to me. I'm very hyper-vigilant with this. That can include me with the peripheral as well. But even though my eyes say they died, it was, okay, instead of beating myself up, I can tell myself this is OCD. I know what this is. It doesn't define me. I'm going to enjoy watching this movie as much as I can and give myself that compassion to do so. After that moment, I was like, “Wow, even though I was still triggered, I enjoyed it. I wasn't just wanting to get out of there. I enjoyed being there.” And that was starting to be a turning point for me because then I went to places like KFC. I miss KFC. I love my chicken bucket. I won't lie with that. That was a big value. You got to love the chicken bucket folks. Oh, it was great. Well, I had my parents around me so that they know I was pretty anxious still. But I was there. I was enjoying my chicken again. I was like, “I miss this so much.” And then the best thing is, as far as I remember, when I left that restaurant, they said to me, “We're so proud of you.” And that helps so much because when you're hearing feedback like that, it just gives you a huge pat on the back. It's like, yeah, I've just done a big, scary thing. I could have been caught. I could have been ridiculed. I could have been made fun of. People may have gossiped about me, but I took that leap of faith because I knew it's better than keep isolating, where in my room, being in prison, not living a life. I deserve to live a life. I deserve to do that. I'm a human being. I deserve to be a part of human society. After that, my recovery started to progress. I went to my friend Carol to more coffee shops. We started talking about advocacy, powerful stuff, because when you have another reason on a why to recover, that's a huge one. When you can inspire and empower others to recover, it gives you so much more of a purpose to do it because you want to be like that role model, that champion for the people. It really gives you a great motive to keep going forward with that and that motivation. And then I went to restaurants with my family for the first time in years, instead of making excuses, instead of compulsion. People would still walk by me in my peripheral, but I had the mindset, like Kate said, “You know what? Just bring it on. Just bring it.” I went in there. I know I was still pretty anxious, and I sat on my phone, and I'm going to tell myself using mindfulness this time that I'm going to enjoy the smell of the food coming in. I'm going to enjoy the conversation with my family instead of thinking of, let's say, the worst-case scenario. The same with a waiter or waitress coming by. I'm just going to have my order. And again, yeah, my eyes die, they spit in my food—who knows? But I'm going to take that leap of faith because, again, it's worth it to do this. It is my why to get my life back. That's why I did it. Again, I enjoyed that meal, and I enjoyed talking to my family. It was probably the first time in years where I wasn't proper triggered. I was like, that was my aha moment right there. The first time in years where my eyes didn't die or anything. I just enjoyed being in a normal situation. It was so great to feel that. So validating. Kimberley: So the more triggered you were, the harder it was to not stare? Is that how it was? Matthew: Yes. The more triggered I was going down that rabbit hole, the more, let's say, it would happen because my eyes would die, like up and down. It would be quite frantic, up and down, up and down. Everyone's not the same. Everyone's different with this. But that's what mine would be like. That's why I would call it a tick in that sense. But when we feel calm, obviously, and the rumination is not there, or let's say, the trigger, then it's got no reason to happen or be very rare when it does. It's like retraining. I learned to retrain my mind in that sense to incorporate that into doing these exposures. Again, that's what was great about opening up to my family. I could practice that at home because then, when I'm sitting with my family, I'd still be triggered to a degree, but they know what I have. They're not going to judge me or reject me, or anything like that. So my brain healed naturally. The more I sat next to my family, I could bring that with, say, the public again and not feel that trigger. I could feel at ease instead of feeling constantly on edge. Again, going to coffee shops late, looking around the room, like you say so amazingly, Kim, using your five senses. I did that, like looking around, looking at billboards, smelling the coffee again, enjoying the taste of it, enjoying the conversation, enjoying the surroundings where I am instead of focusing on the prime fear. And that's what really helped brought me back to the present. Being in the here and the now. And that was monumental. Such a huge tool, and I recommend that to everyone. Mindfulness is very, very powerful for doing, let's say, your exposures and to maintain recovery. It's just a game-changer. I can't recommend that enough. One of my biggest milestones with recovery when I hit it, the first time again in years, I went to a live rock concert full of 10,000 people. There would be no way a year prior that would I go. Kimberley: What rock concert? I have to know. Matthew: Oh, I went to Hollywood Vampires. Kimberley: Oh, how wonderful! That must have been such an efficient, like, it felt like you crossed a massive marathon finish line to get that thing done. Matthew: Oh, yeah, it was. It was huge to see, like I say, Alice Cooper, Johnny Depp, and I think—I can't remember this—Joe Perry from Aerosmith. I can't remember the drummer's name, I apologize, but it was great. You know what? I rocked out. I told myself, “I've come this far in my journey, I'm going to rock out. I'm going to enjoy myself. I don't care, let's say, where my eyes may go, and that's telling OCD, though. I'm just going to be there in the moment and enjoy rocking out.” And that's exactly what I did. I rocked out big time. I remember even the lead singer from the prior band pointing at me and waving. I would have been so triggered by that before, but now we're back in the game, the rock on sign, and it was great. Kimberley: There's so much joy in that too, right? You were so willing to be triggered that you rocked out. That's how willing we were to do that work. It's so cool, this story. Matthew: Yeah. The funny part is, well, the guy next to me actually spilled beer all over himself. That would have been so triggering against me before, like somebody's embarrassing body part places. Whereas this time I just laughed it off and I had a joke with him, and he got the beer. It was like a normal situation—nothing weird or anything. His wife, I remember looking at my peripheral, was just cross-legged. But hey, that's just a relaxing position like anyone else would do. That's what I told myself. It's not because of me thinking, “Oh, he's a weirdo or a creep.” It's because she's just being relaxed and comfortable. That's just retraining my mind out, and again, refocusing back to the concert and again, rocking out to Alice Cooper, which was amazing. I really enjoyed it. I just thought it's just incredible from where I was a year ago without seeing-- got to a point where I set myself, I heard the worst stigma imaginable to go to the other aspect, the whole end of the other tunnel, the light of the tunnel, and enjoy myself and being free. I love what Elizabeth McIngvale says about that, freedom over function. And that's exactly at that point where that's where I was. I'm very lucky to this day. That's why I've maintained it. Sometimes I still do get triggered, but it's okay because I know it's OCD. We all know there's no cure, but we can keep it in remission. We can live a happy life regardless. We just use the tools that we've learned. Again, for me, values-based exposure in that way was game-changing. Self-compassion was game-changing. I forgot to mention my intrusive thoughts with sexual images as well with this, which was very stressing. But when I had those images more and more, it's basically what I learned again from Katie. I was like, “Yeah, you know what? Bring it on. Bring it on. Let's see. Turn it up. Turn it up. Crank it up.” Eventually, the images stopped because I wasn't giving fear factor to it. I was going to put the opposite of basically giving it the talk-to-the-hand analogy, and that worked so well. I see OCD as well from Harry Potter. I see OCD as the boggart, where when you come from the boggart, it's going to come to your most scariest thing. But you have that power of choice right there and then to cast the spell and say ridiculous, as it says in the Harry Potter movies, and it will transform into something silly or something that you can transform yourself with compassion and love. An OCD can't touch you with that. It can't. It becomes powerless. That's why I love that scene from that film. Patrick McGrath says it so well with the Pennywise analogy. The more fear we feed the beast or the monster, the more stronger it becomes. But when we learn to give ourselves self-compassion and love and, again, using mindfulness and value and knowing who we authentically are, truly, it can do nothing. It becomes powerless. It can stay in the backseat, it might try and rear its ugly head again, but you have the more and the power in the world to bring it back, and you can be firmly in that driver's wheel. Kimberley: So good. How long did it take you, this process? Was it a short period of time, or did these value-based exposures take some time? Matthew: Yeah, at first, it took some time to master it, if that makes sense. Again, I was going to start going to more coffee shops with my friend Carol or my family. It did take time. I was still feeling it to a degree, but probably about after a month, it started to really click. And then overall, it took me about-- I started really doing this in December, January time. I went to that concert in July. So about, yeah, six, seven months. Kimberley: Amazing. Were there any stages where there were blips in the road, bumps on the road? What were they like for you? Matthew: Yeah. I mean, my eyes did that sometimes. Also, like I said, when I started to do exposures, where I'd walk by myself around town places, it could be very nerve-wracking. I could think I'm walking behind someone that all the might think I'm a stalker and things like that because of the staring. That was hard. Again, I gave myself the compassion and told myself that it's just OCD. It doesn't define who I am. I know what this monster is, even though it's trying its very best to put me down that rabbit hole. Yeah, that person might turn around and say something, or even look. I have the choice again to smile back, or I can even wave at them if I wanted to do so. It just shows that you really have all the power or choice to just throw some back into OCD space every single time. Self-compassion was a huge thing that helped smooth out those bumps. Same with mindfulness. When I was getting dissociated, even when I was still getting dissociated, getting really triggered, I would use the mindfulness approach. For example, when I was sitting in pubs, and that was a value to me as well, sometimes that would happen. But I would then use the tools of mindfulness. And that really, really helped collect myself being present back in the here and the now and enjoying what's in front of me, like having a beer, having something to eat, talking to my friend, instead of thinking like, are they going to see me staring at them weirdly? Or my eyes met out someone, and I don't know, the waitress might kick me out or something like that. Instead of thinking all those thoughts, I just stay present. The thing is with this as well, it's like when you walk down places, people don't even look at you really anyway. They just go about their business, like we all do. It's just remembering that and keeping that mindfulness aspect. You can look around where you are, like buildings, trees, the ocean, whatever you like, and you can take that in and relearn. Feel the wind around you. If it's an ice wind, obviously, that's freezing right now. The smells—anything, anything if it's a nice smell, or even if it's a bad smell. Anything that use your senses that can just bring you back and feel again that peace, something you enjoy, surround yourself with. Again, when I was seeing my friend Carol, the town I went to called Beverley, it's a beautiful town, very English. It is just a nice place. That's what I was doing—looking at the scenery around where I was instead of focusing on my worst worries. Kimberley: This is so cool. It's all the tools that we talk about, right? And you've put them into practice. Maybe you can tell me if I'm wrong or right about this, but it sounds like you were all in with these skills too. You weren't messing around. You were ready for recovery. Is that true? Or did you have times where you weren't all in? Matthew: Yeah, there were times where I wasn't all in. I suppose when I was-- I also like to ask yourself with me if I feel unworthy. That is still, I know it's different to staring OCD and I'm still trying to tackle that sometimes, and that can be difficult. But again, I use the same tools. But with, like I say, doing exposures with VTO, I would say I was all in because I know that if I didn't, it's going to be hard to reclaim my life back. I have a choice to act and use the tools that I know that's going to work because I've seen Chris do it. It's like, “Well, I can do it. I've seen Carol do it. That means I can do it. So I'm going to do it.” That's what gave me the belief and inspiration to go all in. Because again, reach out to the community with the support. If it was a hard time, I'd reach out. The community are massive. The connection they have and, again, the empowerment and the belief they can give you and the encouragement is just, oh, it's amazing. It's game-changing. It can just light you up straight off the bar when you need it most, and then you can go out and face that big scary thing. You can do it. You can overcome it because other people have. That means you can do it. It's absolutely possible. Having that warrior mindset, as some of my groups—the warrior badass mindset—like to call it, you absolutely go in there with that and you can do it. You can absolutely do it. Kimberley: I know you've shared with me a little bit privately, but can you tell us now what your big agenda is, what your big goal is right now, and the work you're doing? Because it's really exciting. Matthew: Sure, I'd be glad to do it. I am now officially a professional peer support worker. If anyone would love to reach out to me, I am here. It's my biggest passion. I love it. It's like the ultimate reward in a career. When you can help someone in their journey and recovery and even empower each other, inspire, motivate, and help with strategies that's worked for you, you can pass on them tools to someone else who really needs it or is still going through the process where it's quite sticky with OCD. There's nothing more rewarding than that. Because for me, when I was at my most severe, when I was in my darkest, darkest place, it felt like a void. I felt like just walking through a blizzard of nothing. Having someone there to speak to who gets it, who truly gets it, and who can be really authentically there for you to really say, “You can do this. I'm going to do it with you. Let's do it. Like really, let's do it. Bring it on, let's do it. Let's kick this thing's butt,” it's huge. You really lay the smackdown on OCD. It's just massive. For me, if I had that when I was going through it, again, I had a great therapist, but if I had a peer support worker, if I was aware that they were around—I wasn't, unfortunately, at that time—I probably would have reached out because it's a huge tool. It's amazing. Even if you're just to connect with someone in general and just have a talk, it can make all the difference. One conversation, I believe, can change everything in that moment of what that person's darkness may be. So I'm super, super excited with that. Kimberley: Very, very exciting. Of course, at the end, I'll have everyone and you give us links on how to get to you. Just so people know what peer support counseling is or peer support is, do they need to have a therapist? Who's on the team? What is it that they need in order to start peer support? Matthew: Yeah. I mean, you could have a therapist. I mean, I know peer support workers do work with therapists. I know Chrissie Hodges. I've listened to her podcast, and she does that. I think it may be the same with Shannon Shy as well. I'm not too sure. I think as well to the person, what they're going through, if they would want to at first reach out to a peer support worker that they know truly understands them, that can be great. That peer support like myself can then help them find a therapist. That's going to really help them with their theme—or not just their theme—an OCD specialist who gets it, who's going to give them the right treatment. That can be really, really beneficial. Kimberley: I know that we've worked with a lot of peer support, well, some peer support providers, and it was really good because for the people, let's say, we have set them up with exposures and they're struggling to do it in their own time, the peer support counselor has been so helpful at encouraging them and reminding them of the tools that they had already learned in therapy. I think you're right. I think knowing you're not alone and knowing someone's done it, and I think it's also just nice to have someone who's just a few steps ahead of you, that can be very, very inspiring for somebody. Matthew: Absolutely. Again, having a peer support work with a therapist, that's amazing. Because again, for recovery, that's just going to amplify massively. It's like having an infinite gauntlet on your hand against OCD. It's got no chance down the long run. It's incredibly powerful. I love that. Again, like you said, Kim, it's like when someone, let's say, they know that has reached that mountain top of recovery, and that they look at that and thinking, “Well, I want to do the same thing. I know it would be great to connect with that person,” even learn from them, or again, just to have that connection can make a huge, huge difference to know that they can open up to other people. Again, for me, it's climbing up that other mountain top with someone else from the start, but to know I've got the experience, I get to climb that mountain top with them. Kimberley: Yeah, so powerful. Before we finish up, will you tell us where people can get ahold of you if they want to learn more? And also, if there's anything that you feel we could have covered today that we didn't, like a main last point that you want to make. Matthew: Sure. People can reach out to me, and I'm going to try and remember my tags. My Instagram tag is matt_bannister27. I think my Facebook is Matthew.Bannister.92, if you just type in Matthew Bannister. It would be in the show notes as well. You can reach out to me on there. I am at the moment going to create a website, so I will fill more onto that later as well. My email is matt3ban@hotmail.com, which is probably the best way to reach out to me. Kimberley: Amazing. Anything else you want to mention before we finish up? Matthew: Everyone listening, no matter what darkness you're going through, no matter what OCD is putting in your way, you can overcome it. You can do it. As you say brilliantly as well, Kim, it's a beautiful day to do hard things. You can make that as every day because you can do the hard things. You can do it. You can overcome it, even though sometimes you might think it's impossible or that it's too much. You can do it, you can get there. Even if it takes baby steps, you're allowed to give yourself that compassion and grace to do so. It doesn't matter how long it takes. Like Keith Smith says so well: “It's not a sprint; it's a marathon.” When you reach that finish line, and you will, it's the most premium feeling. You will all get there. You will all absolutely get there if you're going through it. Oh, Kim, I think you're on mute. Kimberley: I'm sorry. Thank you so much for being on. For the listeners, I actually haven't heard your story until right now too, so this is exciting for me to hear it, and I feel so inspired. I love the most that you've taken little bits of advice and encouragement from some of the people I love the most on this planet. Ethan Smith, Liz McIngvale, Chris Trondsen, Katie O'Dunne. These are people who I learn from because they're doing the work as well. I love that you've somehow bottled all of their wisdom in one thing and brought it today, which I'm just so grateful for. Thank you so much. Matthew: You're welcome. Again, they're just heroes to me, and yourself as well. Thank you for everything you do as well for the community. You're amazing. Kimberley: Thank you. Thank you so much for being here. Matthew: Anytime.

Kimberley: Is ERP traumatizing? This is a question I have been seeing on social media or coming up in different groups in the OCD and OCD-related disorders field. Today, I have Amy Mariaskin, PhD, here to talk with us about this idea of “Is ERP traumatizing” and how we might work with this very delicate but yet so important topic. Thank you, Amy, for being here. WHY MIGHT PEOPLE THINK ERP IS TRAUMATIC?  Kimberley: Let's just go straight to it. Why might people be saying that ERP is traumatic or traumatizing? In any of those kinds of terms, why do you think people might be saying this? Amy: I think there's a number of reasons. One of which is that a therapy like ERP, which necessitates that people work through discomfort by moving through it and not moving around it or sidestepping it, is different than a lot of other therapies which are based more on support, validation, et cetera, as the sole method. It's not to say that ERP doesn't have that. I think all good therapy has support and validation. However, I think that's part of it. The fact that's baked into the treatment, you're looking at facing discomfort and really changing your relationship with discomfort. I think when people hear about that, that's one reason that it comes up. And then another reason, I think, is that there are people who have had really negative experiences with ERP. I think that while that could be true in a number of different therapeutic modalities and with a number of different clinicians and so forth, it is something that has gained traction because it dovetails with this idea of, well, if people are being asked to do difficult things, then isn't that actually going to deepen their pain or worsen their condition rather than alleviate it? That's my take. Kimberley: When I first heard this idea or this experience, my first response was actual shock because, as an ERP therapist and someone who treats OCD, I have seen it be the biggest gift to so many people. I've heard even Chris Trondsen, who often will say that this gave him his life back, or—he's been on the show—Ethan Smith, or anyone really who's been on the show talk about how it's the most, in their opinion, like the most effective way to get your life back and get back to life and live your life and face fear and all of those things.  DO PEOPLE FEEL ERP IS A DIFFICULT TREATMENT? I had that first feeling of surprise and shock, but also then asked more questions and asked about their experience of ERP being very pressured or feeling too scared or too soon, too much too soon, and so forth. Do you have any other ideas as to why people might be experiencing this difficult treatment? Amy: I do. I think that sometimes, like any other therapy, if you're approaching therapy as a technician and not as a clinician, and you're not as a therapist really being aware of the cues that you're getting from the very brave people sitting in front of you, entrusting their care to you—if we're not being clinicians rather than technicians, we can sometimes just follow a protocol indiscriminately and without respect to really important interpersonal dynamics like consent and context, personal history, if there's not an awareness of the power dynamic in the room that a therapist has a lot of power.  We work with a lot of people as well who might have people pleasing that if you're going to be quite prescriptive about a certain treatment, you do this, and then you do this, and then you do this without taking care to either lay the foundation to really help somebody understand the science of how ERP works or get buy-in from the front end. I know we'll talk a little bit more about that, as well as there's a difference between exposure and flooding. There's a difference between exposure that serves to reconnect people with the parts of their lives that they've been missing, or, as I always call it, reclaims. We want to have exposures that are reclaims, as opposed to just having exposures that generate negative emotion in and of itself.  Now, sometimes there are exposures that just generate negative emotions, because sometimes that's the thing to practice. There are some people who feel quite empowered by these over-the-top exposures that are above and beyond what you would do to really have a reclaim. I'm going to go above and beyond for an exposure, and I'm going to do something that is off the wall. I am eating the thing off of the toilet, or I have intrusive thoughts about harming myself, and I'm going to go to the top of the parking garage, and I'm really going to lean all the way over. Would I do that in my everyday life? No. There are some clients for whom that is not something that they're willing to do or it's not something that's important for them to do to reconnect with the life that they want to live, and there are others who are quite empowered.  If you're a therapist and you don't take care to listen to the feedback from clients and let their voice be a part of that conversation, then you may end up, again, as a technician, prescribing things that aren't going to land right, and that could result in some harm. My heart goes out to anyone who's had that experience, because I think that's valid. Kimberley: I will be completely honest. I think that my early training as an ERP therapy clinician, because I was new, meant that I was showing up as a technician. When I heard this, again, I said my first thought was a little bit of shock, but then went, “Oh, no, that does make sense.” When I was an intern, I was following protocols and I was learning. We all, as humans, make mistakes. Not mistakes so much as if I feel like I did anything wrong, but maybe went too fast with a patient or pushed too hard with a patient or gave an exposure because another person in supervision was saying that that worked for their client, but I was learning this skill of being attuned to my client, and that was a learning process. I can understand that some people may have had that experience, even me. I'm happy to admit to that early in my training, many years ago. Amy: That's a great point. I think if we're all being honest with ourselves, whether it be within the context of ERP or otherwise, there is a learning curve for therapists as well. I think going back to the basic skills and tenets of what it means to have a positive therapeutic relationship is that so much of that has to do with the repair as well. If there are times, because there will be times when you misjudge something or a client says, “I really think that I'm ready to try this,” then we say things like when exposures go awry, when the worst-case scenario happens, or what have you.  That's another philosophical question because I think in doing exposures, we're not necessarily, at least my style, saying the bad thing's not going to happen. It's about accepting the risk and uncertainty, which is a reasonable amount. However, I think when those things happen where it does feel like, “Hey, this felt like too much too soon,” or this felt like, “Wow, I wasn't ready for this,” or “I don't feel like that's exactly what I consented to. You said we were going to do this, and then you took an extra step”—I think being able to create an environment where you can have those conversations with clients and they feel comfortable bringing it up with you and you can do repair work is also important. That it's not just black or white like, “This happened and I feel traumatized.” Again, I don't want to sound like I'm blaming anybody who's had that experience, but I'm just saying that I think that happens on a micro level, probably to all of us at some point.  I think it's also important to acknowledge, and later we're going to talk about it, but the notion of the word ‘traumatizing' is a little bit difficult for me to hear as well because I think from the perspective of an evidence-based practitioner, the treatments that we have, even for so-called big T trauma, many of them integrate in exposure. All of my first-line treatments, including ones that maybe come at it a little bit more obliquely like EMDR or something like that, which is not something that I personally use, are certainly out there as like a second-line trauma treatment. But things like prolonged exposure and cognitive processing therapy, they all have this exposure component to them. Even the notion that if there's trauma, you can't go there or that talking about hard things is traumatizing. I don't know. Can we talk a little bit about that? Because I don't know if that's something you've thought about too, that it's hard to reconcile. Kimberley: Yeah. Let me give a personal experience as somebody who had a pretty severe eating disorder. I was doing exposure therapy, but I didn't get called that, and I didn't know what to be that at the time. But I had to go and eat the thing that I was terrified to eat. While some people might think, “Well, that's not a hard exposure,” for me, it was a 10 out of 10. I wanted to punch my therapist in the face at the idea that she would suggest that I eat these things. I'm not saying this is true for other people; I'm just giving a personal experience. I'm actually really glad that she held me to these things because now I can have full freedom over the things that used to run my life. I know that there is nothing on any menu I can't eat. If I had to eat on any plane, whatever they served me, I knew I was able to nourish my body with what was served to me, which I didn't have before I did that.  The other piece is somebody who has also been through trauma therapy. A lot of it required me to go back and relive that event over and over. Even though I again wanted to run away and it felt like my brain was on fire, that too was very helpful. But what was really helpful was how I reframed that event. If I was doing it and, as I was doing it, I was saying, “This is re-traumatizing me,” it was a very bad experience. But if I was saying, “This is an opportunity for me to learn how to have our full range of emotions, even the darker stuff,” that ended up being a very important therapeutic experience for me. That's just my personal experience. Do you want to speak to that? Amy: Yeah. I wasn't planning on speaking to this part of it, but I will say as well that having had a traumatic event—a single event, big T trauma—that happened at my place of employment years ago. This is over 10 years ago now, which involved being held at gunpoint, which involved a hostage-type situation. It's interesting when you talk about trauma, that you want to tell the whole story, but I'm like, “Oh, we don't have enough time,” which is interesting because our brains first don't want to tell the stories or we want to bury them. But suffice to say that after this very painful, very terrifying experience, after which all the hallmark symptoms of hypervigilance and quick to startle and images in my head and avoidance of individuals who looked like this particular individual and what have you. The most powerful thing for me in knowing this as somebody who works in exposure protocols, going back to work and being so kind to myself as I was, again, I come back to this word reclaim. It doesn't happen overnight. It's not something I wish there were. I do wish there's, “Oh yeah, we just push this button in our brains, and then that's just where we feel resilient again.”  But the process of building resilience for me was confronting this environment, reclaiming this environment. I think any exposure protocol has the ability to have that same effect if the framing is there and if it resonates with the person. Being somebody who's such a believer in exposure therapy for my clients, I was able to step into a role where I came out of that situation feeling so empowered and the ability to hold all of my experience gently and with compassion, as opposed to sweeping it under the rug and then having it come out sideways. Kimberley: I really appreciate you bringing that up because, similarly, I stowed mine down for many years because I refused to look at it until I was forced by another event to have to look at it. I think that's a piece of this work too. You have to want to face it as part of treatment. In my case, I either avoid the things that are so important to me or I am going to have to face this; I am going to have to. I showed up and made that choice. I think that's also a piece of it, knowing that that's an opportunity for you to go and be kind and to train your brain in different ways.  HOW TO MAKE ERP ETHICAL AND RESPECTFUL We're speaking directly now about some ideas and solutions to making ERP ethical and respectful. Are there other ways that someone who's undergoing ERP, considering ERP, or has been through it—other things we might want to encourage them to do moving forward that might make this a more empowering and validating experience for them? Amy: That's a great question because I think we can talk about it both from the perspective of clients who are looking for a new therapist as well as what therapists can do. But if we start first with clients and maybe you're out there, and it's been something you've either been hesitant to engage with because of some of these ideas about it being harmful or you've had a negative experience in the past, I do think that there is a mindset shift into feeling really empowered and really willing.  The empowerment part is coming in and bringing in-- your fears about ERP are also fears that can be worked on. If you're white-knuckling from the first moment of like, “Okay, I'm in here, I know I'm supposed to do this. I already hate it and it hasn't started,” sharing that with a clinician. I know I'm used to hearing that. I'm very used to hearing that. I've had folks come in who have been in supportive therapy, talk therapy, or other modalities that haven't been effective for many, many years. There is a part of me-- I'm sorry, this is a tangent, but it's a little soapboxy tangent. I feel like when I think about my clients who've had therapy for sometimes 10, 20 years and it hasn't been effective, I don't think we talk enough about how harmful that is for people, like putting your life on hold for 10 or 20 years. I don't hear the word necessarily ‘traumatizing,' but that can be harmful as well. People will go through that.  BE OPEN WITH YOUR ERP THERAPIST After these contortions to maybe even avoid ERP because it's scary, they'll come in, and I welcome them, saying, “I'm really nervous about this,” because guess what? Saying that aloud is a step in the direction of exposure. You're owning it. And then having a therapist who can say, “I'm so proud of you for being here.” This is exposure number one. Sitting down on this couch, here we are. Well done, check and check. Because I think that a therapist who's looking at exposure, not just as what's on a strict hierarchy, or even from an inhibitory learning perspective, like a menu—exposure is what you're doing day to day to help yourself get closer to the life that you want and the values you have. When you said, “I can eat anything because I want to nourish my body,” that's a value. When I say ‘empowerment,' like empowerment to discuss that with your therapist. And then that shift into willingness versus motivation or comfort or like, “Oh, I want to wait till the right moment,” or “Things are tough now. I don't want to add an extra tough thing.” I know you're not here to tell anybody, “Well, this is the way you should think.” But if there's any room to cultivate even a nugget of willingness to say, “I can do something difficult, and I am willing to do difficult things on the path toward the life that I want,” those would be two things that come to mind right away. Kimberley: Yeah, I agree. It takes me to the second piece for a client. I think a huge piece of it is transparency with your therapist or clinician. There have been several times where we've discussed an exposure—again, this was more in my earlier days—agreed that that would be helpful for them, gone to do it, and then midway through it, them saying, “I felt like I had to please you, but I'm so not ready for this,” or “I was too embarrassed because this is such a simple daily task and I should be able to do it.” I think it's okay to really speak to your therapist and share like, “I don't know how I feel about this. Can we first just talk about if I'm ready?” We don't want to do that to the degree of it becoming compulsive, but I want to really encourage people who are undergoing treatment of any kind to be as completely honest as you can. Amy: Right. I think that, again, it's an interesting dynamic because people are coming to specialists because we do have the knowledge and awareness of protocols and so forth. But again, I think mental health is-- well, I wish all medical health folks were a little bit more open to these kinds of conversations too. But that being said, I think having that honesty and knowing that-- if you go in and you say, “Oh, I'm a little bit nervous,” and you're getting pushback of, “Well, I'm the doc, this is what you do. Here's step one, here's step two,” frankly, there are going to be therapists who are like that regardless of modality.  It was interesting because I was talking to somebody about this and about—I think if we frame it as a question—"Is ERP inherently harmful” is a really different question than “Can ERP be harmful?” I think any modality implemented without that clinical touch can be potentially harmful.  I know your motto is, “You can do hard things.” That kind of shift as well is so powerful at the beginning of ERP. You've been transparent. You've said, “Look, here are my fears about this.”  And then often, what I will do as a clinician if people don't get to that place of like, I” can do things through the discomfort, there's no going around it,” is ask them about things. If they're adults, it could even be like, “When you were a little kid, did you have any fears, and how did you get over those? What was that like?” Not always, of course, but 9 nine times out of 10, it is some kind of like, “Well, I did the thing.” Or sometimes it's more complicated, “Well, I did the thing and then I got support from others, and then I learned more.” But I think people have this innate capacity to learn by changing behavior and to do things that are outside of their comfort zone, and that doesn't have to mean way outside of their comfort zone. Often, that notion of these hard experiences or these difficult thoughts that you need to-- people will come in and feel like, “Well, I need not to be thinking about them.” That's not really an option. Being a human with a full life, there are going to be things that are provocative. But I think I've heard you talk about this notion of shifting from wanting protection from negative thoughts or discomfort to almost willingness and acceptance. I love that as well. Kimberley: I agree. I want to also maybe back up a little bit and speak to that just a little bit. I do hear the majority of people saying this, coming from those who are seeking treatment from unspecialized people. Even this morning, people are emailing me saying, “I'm following this OCD coach online, and they're saying, ‘Follow my six-month program and you will be OCD-free.'” That sounds good. I'll do whatever you say if that's what I can give you. There is a power dynamic.  But then you're in the program and being told that you have literally two months to go and you better double down or you will fail my program. I think that urgency to get better can cause you to sometimes agree to things or seek out treatment from people who aren't super trained and who aren't taking an approach of, “Let's practice being uncomfortable, let's practice having every single emotion kindly and compassionately so that there is no emotion you can't ever have in your lifetime through the darkest ages.” They're more coming from a, “I'm on a timeline here and I have to get this done, so I'm going to do these things that are absolutely terrifying.” I think a lot of people are speaking to this. Amy: I think that's right. A lot of times, people have been-- I think we, as a field, like mental health professionals, there's this delicate balance of wanting to instill hope and really talk about like this works and to not overpromise or not simplify the circuitous way that we get there together as a therapist and client, because there are a lot of sound bites out there. I know you and I have talked about this. It's like these “better in 12 weeks” or “better in with these five tips” or what have you. I think even looking at research, and I have a strong research background, I was training to be a researcher when I was in grad school. I think it's important as well to remember that even with research, we are looking at-- if we say like, “Hey, this is a 12-week protocol that's been effective.” Okay, what does effective mean? Does effective mean that you get to pick up your baby again? Or does it mean, oh no, it probably means an X amount reduction in the Y box? Does effective mean it was that amount of reduction for everyone? Well, no, it's averages and things like that.  I can wear both hats and say, this is an incredibly empirically validated treatment that works for many people. It's not going to work the same way for every person, so why would we as clinicians go in and be like, “Here's a timeline?” You can't do that. Kimberley: Yeah. Let's speak to the therapist now. What can therapists be doing to make this a more effective, compassionate, and respectful practice? Do you have anything that you want to speak to first? Amy: Yes. I think that if we start at the beginning of therapy itself and the steps that you go through, the very first step is assessment because exposure is something that we know is very effective for anxiety, to a lesser degree, disgust, and not quite right feelings as well, and some sensory issues, to a lesser extent. But exposure is effective for certain things. We want to make sure that those are the things that are occurring. So, making sure because somebody can have OCD, or can have anxiety, or something like that and also have other things going on. I think sometimes when exposure is treated-- exposure and response prevention. I know we talk a lot about exposure, but even response prevention, that side of things, it's just this one size fits all. Okay, something you don't like doing, we're going to expose you to it, and something that alleviates your distress, we're going to eliminate those. If you're doing that outside of the context of where it's clinically indicated for OCD, i.e., areas that provoke obsessions and compulsive behaviors, then you're really missing the target.  I know there's been a lot of discussion about neurodiversity and for autistic people who may have routines and things like that or may have stereotypies or stimming behaviors, things that are pleasant for them or self-regulatory to really get a good assessment in there. Again, you're not having people do exposures or engage in response prevention in places where it's not clinically indicated. I think even if somebody has a trauma history, for something like PTSD, exposure is often, as I mentioned, a part of treatment protocols. The way in which we are doing those kinds of exposures and really centering the sense of agency in the client who's had that sense of agency taken away by prior experiences is really important. I think assessment is the first thing that comes to mind, followed-- Kimberley: I would add-- sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off, but I would add even assessment for depression. A lot of what we teach in ERP school for therapists and what I teach my staff is, if a client has depression, I might do more exposures around uncertainty and not around their worst-case scenario happening because sometimes that can make the depression come in so strong that they can't get out of bed the next day. We can tailor exposure even to make depression, and so forth.  I think it is so important that we do get that assessment and really understand the big picture before we proceed. Even understanding other anxiety disorders, health anxiety, the history of trauma with health, and so forth, or even the things you were taught as a child, can be really important to understand before we proceed with exposure. Amy: I love that you added that in—the things that we were taught as a child—because I love this story. I mean, I love it and hate it, and you'll understand why in a moment. But when I was on my internship—this was back in 2008, 2009—there was a fellow intern. He and I were co-presenting on a case, and we had the other interns. They were asking questions, and this was a makeshift IOP case. We were both doing a little bit of individual therapy, and people in the audience were asking questions, and somebody asked about childhood. This was an adult. The other intern said, “We don't care about that stuff.” I said, “Time out, I care about it,” and we all laughed.  I get where he was coming from in the sense that he was like, “Hey, here are the symptoms, here's the protocol for the symptoms, and it is important.” Like you said, I mean, even from a CBT, this is very consistent with CBT and how we form core beliefs and schemas and our ideas about the world and fairness and justice, and all of that is a part of it. We don't want to lose the C part, the cognitive part as well in ERP. But I love that you said that about depression as well, because even something co-occurring can just nudge. It just nudges the way that we do exposure and so forth. Kimberley: Yeah. I think culturally too. Think about the different traditions that come with different cultures or religions. Sometimes some of their rituals can seem compulsive. If I didn't know that that's why they're doing these, I could easily, as an untrained or ineffective therapist, be like, “Just expose yourself.” We've got to break this ritual, without actually understanding, like, is this actually a value-based ritual that you're doing because of a religion or a culture or tradition that is in line with your values? I think that's very, very important. After assessment, what would you say the next steps are? Amy: I think that-- and this is the part where I'm really going to own that. I get really excited, and I just want to jump into treatment. This is me, I'm calling myself out. But I think psychoeducation, that not only very clearly lays out the evidence and the why, like here's the process, here's why we're asking you to do these things that are really difficult, here are the underlying patterns, and here's what we're looking out for, and so forth.  I think not only that, but also laying out very clearly what the expectations are. “This is how this is going to look,” and maybe at that point as well, clinicians saying—this is very collaborative—"I am here to provide this information, and then together we are going to formulate a treatment plan and formulate these exposures.” I have heard so many people who do a lot of ERPs say how proud they are by the end of therapy when clients come in and they say, “I was thinking I need to do this as my exposure.” They're really taking that ownership.  I think not only again talking about the science and all the charts and things like that, but really talking about this as a collaborative, consensual process, that it's like, “I'm handing this off to you, and this is going to be something you have for the rest of your life.” Kimberley: Yeah. I'll tell a similar story. I had a patient who-- I'll even be honest, I don't think this was in my internship. This was in my career as an OCD therapist. But my client was just doing the exposures that he and I had agreed to. He would come back and be very frustrated with this process until he came to me and said, “I need you to actually stop and explain to me why I'm doing this.” I thought I had done a thorough job of that. I truly, really, honestly did. But he needed me to slow down and explain. We got out the PET scans of the brain, and I had a model of the brain. I showed him what part of the brain was being triggered and where the different parts of why-- from that moment, he was like, “I got you. I know what we're doing. I'm on board now. I got this.”  I think that I was so grateful that he was like, “Hold up, you need to actually slow down and help me to understand because this still doesn't make sense to me.” This was a very important conversation. In my case, I think it's checking in and saying, “Do you understand why we're doing this? Do you understand the science of this?” I think it's so important. What else might a therapist do? Amy: I love that. I was just going to say, I love that you create that culture because that's what I was talking about earlier. Sometimes we don't quite get it right. And then it's like, “What can I do better?” It's such a powerful question.  Knowing the why of ERP and then also the why, like, why is it worth it for you? Why is this? ACT has these wonderful metaphors about it. We've heard the monsters on the bus analogy. You're driving the bus, and all your symptoms are the passengers yelling out or different fears you might have. But so often we don't talk about, where are you driving the bus toward? Where are you going?  I get misty when I think about this. I get almost a little teary because I think that people with OCD have such incredible imaginations, and yet, having OCD can make it so hard to dream and dream about what you truly want. Especially if it's quite entrenched, it can just feel like, “Well, that's a life that other people have. I don't get to have that.” On the one hand, there's this expansive imagination about illnesses, danger, harming others, or what have you. These things that are just dystonic—you don't want to be thinking about them.  I love to see people exercise that other part of their imagination and really encourage them to dream because if you have that roadmap, or rather that end destination of what you want your life to be, those very concrete moments that you want-- for some people, it's like, “I want to have a family,” or “I want to travel,” or “I want to have the freedom to be around whomever I want to be around, regardless of the thoughts that come up,” whatever it is. Sometimes it can feel scary to even dream and envision that, either through values work or if it's somebody who had a later onset thinking about where were you heading before. How did this derail you? What were you heading toward? I think that's really important as well. If we don't do that-- I mean, frankly, I wouldn't want to do anything if I didn't know my why. Kimberley: No, agreed. I think that another thing—I often talk about this with my therapists in supervision—is one thing that I personally do-- and this is just me personally. Every therapist has their own way of doing it, but I often will ask my patients, “What kind of Kimberley do you need today?” I have the question as an opening where they can be like, “No, we're good. Let's just get to work.” We knew what we were going to do and so forth. My patients now know to say, “I need you to actually push me a little today.” They're coming to me saying, “I want you to push you.” Or they'll say, “I'm feeling very vulnerable today. I'm on my period,” or “It's been a hard week,” or “I haven't slept.” I don't consider that me accommodating them. I consider that me being attuned to them. It might be that I might go, “Okay, but there's been several weeks in a row that you've said that. Can we have a conversation?” It's not that I'm going to absolutely let them off with avoidant compulsions, but I love offering them the opportunity to ask, what kind of Kimberley do you need? Sometimes they'll say, “I need you to push me today, but I also need you to really encourage me because I have run out of motivation and I don't have a lot.”  I think that as clinicians, the more we can offer an opening of, what is it that you're ready for? What do you want to expose yourself today? Is there something coming up that you really need to be working on? I think those conversations create this collaborative experience instead of like, “I'm the master of treatment, and you're my follower” kind of model. Amy: Right. I love that, and I love the idea that we can be motivational, encouraging, and celebratory in the face of exposure. Like exposures, I do feel like there has been a shift, and perhaps with the shift away from the strict habituation paradigm in the field, where it's not like you have to just do the thing and be scared, be scared, be scared, be scared, be scared, and then it goes down. You can explore, “Hey, are you feeling stronger now? Are you feeling like I'm nervous, but I'm also curious?”  Again, some of this is just personal style, but I use a lot of humor. There are often a lot of inside jokes with clients and things like that. I don't see that as incompatible with really good exposure work because you're learning that you can be scared and laughing. You're learning that you can feel discomfort and empowerment. These kinds of things are huge. But again, I think when I was newer to ERP, there was a little bit of like, “Nope, we're not cracking a joke, because that would be avoiding negative emotion.” Kimberley: Yes. I remember that. Or being like, “I hope I don't trigger them. I'm not going to [unintelligible].” The joke is what created an attunement and a collaboration between the two of us, which I think can be so beautiful. Another question I ask during exposure is, would you like to keep going? Would you like to make it a little harder? How could we? Even if we don't, how might we? No pressure, but how might we make it so that they're practicing this idea of being curious about making decisions on their own? Because the truth is, I'm only seeing you for 50 minutes a week. You have to then go and do this on your own. We want the clients, us as therapists, to model to them a curiosity of like, “Oh, it's here.” Am I going to tell myself this is terrible and I can't handle it? Or am I going to be curious about what else I could introduce? Would I like to send them a text to a loved one while I do this exposure? How would I like to show up? What values do I want to show up with? Those questions can take the terror out of it. Amy: Yes. I think that all of this is hitting on something. I've noticed that oftentimes this notion of ERP is traumatizing. Again, not to discount anybody's personal experiences with it if that has been negative, but it's often based on this caricature of ERP that all those things that we're saying don't need to have that element of consent. It needs to have that collaborative nature, really good assessment, really good psycho-ed. I think that's something I just realized because I don't like feeling defensive about things. If I feel defensive, I'm like, “Uh-oh, this is a me thing.” I think in this case, it's because I'm seeing a lot of misinformation about ERP, or perhaps just poorly applied ERP. Kimberley: Yeah, for sure. I want to be respectful of time. We could make this into a whole training easily, but let's end here on the healing because we've talked about everything today—ideas, concepts, mindsets, conceptualizations. But I also want to really make sure we are slowing down and creating a safe place where some people may actually, like you said, have had not great experiences. What might we do, and what might patients do in terms of healing moving forward? Amy: It's a good question. There's a couple of things. I think if it's something that we were talking about with the transparency and the talking, number one, finding support and finding support from, ideally, somebody who's going to understand ERP enough that they can speak to. That doesn't have to be the type of therapy that you're getting with them, but understands it well enough to have a conversation like this. Just knowing it should never feel disrespectful, it should never feel non-consensual, and if that was your experience, then—I mean, I hate to say this, but I do think it's true—I know I would want to know if somebody felt that way. If somebody was working with me and they felt that way, I know that can be quite a burden for people to reach out to someone with whom they've had a negative experience.  But I think if you're able to do that, that can be really helpful and really restorative, even if you're not looking for a response, even if it's just something that you're letting them know. If you still have a relationship with that therapist, or let's say it's a clinic where you saw a therapist and you ended up moving to a different therapist, consider sharing it with them directly. I think we live in a very contentious culture of, “Well, I've made my mind up. That's bad, and I'm moving on.”  But truly, I think validation also starts with self-validation. My hope is that even though we're both clearly ERP therapists who believe very strongly in its positive application for many people, we want to validate that if you've felt any harm, that's valid. I think that also starts with self-validation as a first means of healing and then seeking support. Kimberley: Yeah. What I think too, if you're not wanting to do that, which I totally understand, sharing with your new clinician. One of the questions we have about our intake is what therapy was helpful and why, and what therapy wasn't helpful and why. As you go with a new therapist, share with them, “This was my experience. This is what I found to be very effective. This is what I am very good at, but these are the things that I struggled with, and here's why.” And then giving them the education of your process so they can help you with that, I think, is really important.  I think you hit the nail on the head—also being very, very gentle. The administering of therapy is not a perfect science; it's a relationship. It's not always going to go well. I wish it could. I truly wish there was a way we could, but that doesn't mean that you're bad, that therapy won't work for you in the future, or that all therapists are similar to what your experience was. I think it's important to know that there are many therapists who want to create a safe place for you. Amy: That's so well said. Kimberley: Anything else you want to add before we finish up? Amy: No, no, I think this has been great. Again, anybody out there, I don't know. I feel like, as therapists, sometimes we're the holders of hope. If this could give you any hope, and again, ERP may not be the route that you choose, but just anyone who's felt like therapy hasn't been what you wanted, you deserve to find what's going to feel like the best, most helpful fit. Kimberley: Amy, I have wanted to do this episode for months now, and there is no one with whom I would feel as comfortable doing it as much as you. Thank you for creating a place for me to have this very hard conversation and a conversation I think we need to have. I'm again so grateful for you, your expertise, your kind heart, and your wisdom. Amy: Thank you. 

Kimberley: Welcome back, Ethan Smith. I love you. Tell me how you are. First, tell me who you are. For those who haven't heard of your brilliance, tell us who you are. Ethan: I love you. My name is Ethan Smith, and I'm a national advocate for the International OCD Foundation and just an all-around warrior for OCD, letting people know that there's help and there's hope. That's what I've dedicated my life to doing. Kimberley: You have done a very good job. I'm very, very impressed. Ethan: I appreciate that. It's a work in progress. Kimberley: Well, that's the whole point of today, right? It is a work in progress. For those of you who don't know, we have several episodes with Ethan. This is a part two, almost part three, episode, just catching up on where you're at. The last time we spoke, you were sharing about the journey of self-compassion that you're on and your recovery in many areas. Do you want to briefly catch us up on where you're at and what it's been like since we met last? Ethan: Yeah, for sure. We'll do a quick recap, like the first three minutes of a TV show where they're like, “So, you're here, and what happened before?”  Kimberley: Previously on. Ethan: Yeah, previously, on real Ethans of Coweta County, which sounds super country and rural. The last time we spoke, I was actually really vulnerable. I don't mean that as touting myself, but I said for the first time publicly about a diagnosis of bipolar. At that time, when we spoke, I had really hit a low—a new low that came from a very hypomanic episode, and it was not related to OCD. I found myself in a really icky spot. Part of the reason for coming or reaching that bottom was when I got better from OCD into recovery and maintenance, navigating life for the first time, really for the first time as an adult man in Los Angeles, which isn't an easy city, navigating the industry, which isn't the nicest place, and having been born with OCD and really that comprising the majority of my life. The next 10 years were really about me growing and learning how to live. But I don't know that I knew that at the time. I really thought it was about, okay, now we're going to succeed, and I'm going to make money, live all my dreams, meet my partner, and stuff's going to happen because OCD is not in the way. That isn't to say that that can't happen, and that wasn't necessary. I had some amazing life experiences. It wasn't like I had a horrible nine years. There were some wonderful things. But one of the things that I learned coming to this diagnosis and this conclusion was how hard I was being on myself by not “achieving” all the goals and the dreams that I set out to do for myself. It was the first time in a long time, really in my entire life, that I saw myself as a failure and that I didn't have a mental illness to blame for that failure. I looked at the past nine years, and I went, “Okay, I worked so hard to get here, and I didn't do it. I worked so hard to get here in a personal relationship, and I didn't get there. I worked so hard to get here financially, and I didn't even come close." In the past, I could always say, “Oh, OCD anxiety.” I couldn't do it. I couldn't finish it. I dropped out. That was always in the way. It was the first time I went, “Oh wow, okay, this is on Ethan. This is on me. I must not be creative enough, smart enough, good enough, strong enough, or brave enough.” That line of thinking really sent me down a really dark rabbit hole into a really tough state of depression and hypomania and just engaging in unhealthy activities and things like that until I just came crashing down. When we connected, I think I had just moved from Los Angeles to Atlanta and was resetting in a way. At that time, it very much felt like I was taking a step back. I had left Los Angeles. It just wasn't a healthy place for me at that time. My living situation was difficult because of my upstairs neighbor, and it was just very complicated. So, I ended up moving back to Georgia for work, and I ended up moving back in with my parents. I don't remember if we talked about that or not, but it was a good opportunity to reset. At that time, it very much looked and felt like I was going backwards. I just lived for 10 years on my own in Los Angeles, pursuing my dreams and goals. I was living at home when I was sick. What does this mean? I'm not ready to move. I'm not ready to leave. I haven't given up on my dream. What am I doing? I think if we skip the next three years from 2019 on, in retrospect, it wasn't taking a step back; it was taking a step forward. It was just choosing a different path that I didn't realize because that decision led to some of the healthiest, most profound experiences in my life that I'm currently living. I can look back at that moment and see, “Oh, I failed. I've given up.” This is backwards. In reality, it was such a beautiful stepping stone, and I was willing to step back to move forward, to remove myself from a situation, and then reinsert myself in something. Where I am now is I'm engaged, to be married. I guess that's what engaged means. I guess I'm not engaged with a lawyer. I'm engaged, and that's really exciting. Kimberley: Your phone isn't engaged. Ethan: Yeah, for sure, to an amazing human being. I have a thriving business. I'm legitimately doing so many things that I never thought I would do in life ever, whether it had to do with bipolar or more prominently in my life, OCD, where I spent age 20 to 31, accepting that I was home-ish bound and that was going to be my life forever and that I'm “disabled” or “handicapped,” and that's just my normal. I had that conversation with my parents. That was just something that I was going to have to live with and accept. I'm doing lots of things that I never expected to do. But what I've noticed with OCD is, as the stakes seem raised because you're engaging yourself in so many things that are value-driven and that you care about, the stakes seem higher. You have more to lose. When you're at the bottom, it's like, okay, so what? I'm already like all these things. Nothing can go wrong now because I'm about to get married to my soulmate, and my business is doing really well. I have amazing friends, and I love my OCD community. The thoughts and the feelings are much more intense again because I feel like I have a lot more to lose. Whereas I was dismissing thoughts before, now they carry a little bit more weight and importance to me because I'm afraid of losing the things that I care about more. There's other people in my life. It's not just about me. With that mindset came not a disregard but almost forgetting how to be self-compassionate with myself. One of the things that came out of that bipolar diagnosis in my moving forward was the implementation of active work around self-compassion. I did workbooks, I worked very closely with my therapist, and we proactively did tons and tons of work in self-compassion. You can interrupt me at any time, because I'll keep babbling. So, please feel free to interrupt. I realized that I was not practicing self-compassion in my life at all. I don't know that I ever had. Learning self-compassion was like learning Japanese backwards. It was the most confusing thing in the world. The analogy that I always said: my therapist, who I've been with for 13 years, would say to me, “You just need to accept where you are and embrace where you are right now. It's okay to be there. Give yourself grace.” She would say all these things.  I always subscribe to the likes of, “You have to work harder. You can't lift yourself off the hook. Drive, drive, drive, drive.” That was what I knew. I tried to fight her on her logic. I said, “If there's a basketball team and they're in the finals and it's halftime and they're down by 10, does the coach go to the basketball team and say, ‘Hey guys, let's just appreciate where we are right now; let's just be in this moment and recognize that we're down by 10 and be okay with that.'” I'm like, “No, of course not. He doesn't go in there and say that. He goes, ‘You better get it together and all this stuff.'” I remember my therapist goes, “Yeah, but they're getting out of bed.” I'm like, “Oh, okay, that's the difference.” They're actually living their life. I'm completely paralyzed because I'm just beating myself down.  But what I've learned in the last three or four years is that self-compassion is a continuous work in progress for me and has to be like a conscious, intentional practice. I found myself in the last year really not giving myself a lot of self-compassion. There's a myriad of reasons why, but I really wanted to come on and talk about it with you and just share some of my own experiences, pitfalls, and things that I've been dealing with.  I will say the last two years have probably been the hardest couple of years and the most beautiful simultaneously, but hard in terms of OCD, thoughts and triggers, anxiety, and just my overall baseline comfort level being raised because, again, there's so many beautiful things happening. That terrifies me. I mean, we know OCD is triggered by good stress or bad stress. So, this is definitely one of those circumstances where the stakes seem higher. They seem raised, so I need more certainty. I need it. I have to have more certainty. I don't, really. I'm okay with uncertainty, but part of that component is the amount of self-compassion that I give myself. I haven't been the best at it the last couple of years, especially in the last six months. I haven't been so good. Kimberley: I think this is very validating for people, myself included, in that when you are functioning, it doesn't seem like it's needed. But when we're not functioning, it also doesn't feel like it's needed. So, I want to catch myself on that. What are some roadblocks that you faced in the implementation of this journey of self-compassion or the practice of self-compassion? What gets in the way for you? Ethan: I will give you a specific example. It's part of my two-year journey. In the last year and a half, I started working with a nutritionist. Physical health has become more important to me. It may not look like that, but getting there, a work in progress. But the reality of it is, and this is just true, I'm marrying a woman who's 12 years younger than me. I want to be a dad. I can't wait to have children. The reality of my life—which I'm very accepting of my current reality, which was something I wasn't, and we were probably talking about that before—was like, I wanted to be younger. I hated that everything was happening now. I wasn't embracing where I was and who I was in that reality. I'm very at peace with where I am, but the reality of my reality is that I will be an older father. So, a value-driven thing for me to do is get healthier physically because I want to be able to run around and play catch in 10 years with my kid. I would be 55 or 60 and be able to be in their lives for as long as I possibly could. I started working with a nutritionist, and for me, weight has always been an issue. Always. It has been a lifelong struggle for me. I've always yo-yoed. It's always been about emotional eating. It's always been a coping mechanism for me. I started working with a nutritionist. She's become a really good friend, an influence in my life, and an accountability partner. I'm not on a diet or lifestyle change. There's no food off the table. I track and I journal. But in doing this, I told her from the beginning, "In the first three months, I will be the best client you've ever had,” because that's what I do—I start perfectly. Then something happens, and I get derailed. I was like, my goal is to come back on when I get derailed. That is the goal for me. And that's exactly what happened. I was the star student for three months. I didn't miss a beat. I lost 15 pounds. The goal wasn't weight loss, mind you; it was just eating healthier and making more intentional choices. Then I had some OCD pipe up, my emotions were dysregulated, and I really struggled with the nutrition piece. I did get back on track.  Over the last year, I gained about seven pounds doing this nutrition. Over the last six months, I was so angry at myself for looking at my year's journey. This is just an example of multiple things with self-compassion, but this is the most concrete and tangible I can think of at the moment. But looking at my year and looking at it with that black-and-white OCD brain and saying, “I failed. I'm a piece of crap. I'm not where I want to be on my journey. I've had all of the support I could possibly have. I have all the impetus. I want to be thinner for my wedding. I want to look my best at my wedding. What is wrong with me? In these vulnerable emotional states or these moments of struggle, why did I give in?” In the last couple of months, I literally refused to give myself any compassion or grace around food, screw-ups, mess-ups, and any of that. I refused. My partner Katie would tell me, “Ethan, you have to love--” I'm like, “No, I do not deserve it.” I'm squandering this opportunity. I just wholeheartedly refused to give myself compassion. Because it's always been an issue, I'm like, “What's it going to take?” Well, compassion can't be the answer. I need tough love for myself.  I think I did this in a lot of areas of my life because, for me, I don't know, there's a stigma around self-compassion. Sometimes, even though I understand what it is on paper-- and I've read your workbook and studied a lot of Kristin Neff, who's an amazing self-compassion expert. On paper, I can know what it is, which is simply embracing where you are in the moment without judgment and still wanting better for yourself and giving yourself that grace and compassion, regardless of where it is.  I felt like I couldn't do that anymore because I wasn't supposed to. I wasn't allowed. I suddenly reframed self-compassion as a weakness and as an excuse rather than-- it was very much how I thought about it before I even learned anything about self-compassion, and I found myself just not a very loving person myself. My internal self-talk was really horrible and probably the worst. If somebody was talking to me like this, you always try to make it external and be like, “Oh, if somebody talked to you like this, would they be your friend? Would you listen to them?” I was calling myself names. I gave myself a room. It was almost in every facet of my life, and it was really, really eating at me. It took a significant-- yeah, go ahead. Kimberley: When I'm with clients and we're talking about behaviors, we always talk about the complex outcomes of them, like the consequences that you were being hard on yourself, that it still wasn't working, and so forth. But then we always spend some time looking at, let's say, somebody is drinking excessively or doing any behavior that's not helpful to them. We also look at why it was helping them, because we don't do things unless we think they're helping. What was the reason you engaged in the criticism piece? How did that serve you in those moments? Ethan: It didn't, in retrospect. In the moment, I think behaving in that way feels much like grabbing a spear and putting on armor. I don't know if it's stigma or male stigma. I mean, I've always had no problem being sensitive, being open to sensitivity, and being who I am as an individual. But with all of this good in my life, my emotions are more intense. My thoughts are more intense. My OCD is more intense. I felt like I needed to put on-- I basically defaulted to my original state of thinking before I even learned about self-compassion, which is head down, bull horns out, and I'm just going to charge through all of this because it's the only way. It's just like losing insight. When you're struggling with OCD, it's like you lose insight, you lose objectivity. It's like there's only one way through this.  I think it's important to note, in addition to the self-compassion piece, this year especially, there's been some physical things and some somatic symptoms that I've gotten really stuck on. I'm really grateful that-- and I love to talk about it with advocacy. It's like, advocates, all of us, just because we're speaking doesn't mean that we have an OCD-free life or a struggle-free life. That's just not it. I always live by the mantra: more good days than bad. That is my jam. I'm pleased to report that in the last 13 years, I've still had more good days than bad, but it doesn't mean that I don't have a tough month.  I think that in the last couple of years, I've definitely been challenged in a new way because there's been some things that have come up that are valid. I have a lot of health anxiety, and they've been actual physical things that have manifested, that are legitimate things. Of course, my catastrophic brain grabs onto them. You Google once, and it's over. I have three and a half minutes to live for a brown toenail, and-- Kimberley: You died already. Ethan: I'm already dead. I think it all comes back around to this idea of self-stigma, that even if you know all this stuff like, I'm not allowed to struggle, I'm not allowed to suffer, I have to be a rock, I have to be all things to all people—it's all these very black and white rules that are impossible for a human being to live by because that's just not reality. I mean, I think that's why the tough exterior came back because it was like, “All right, life is more challenging.” The beautiful thing about recovery is, for the most part, it didn't affect my functioning, which was amazing. I could still look at every day and go, “I was 70% present,” or “I was 60% present and 40% in my head, but still being mindful and still doing work and still showing up and still traveling.” From somebody that was completely shut down, different people respond in different ways to OCD. From somebody who came from completely shutting down and being bedridden, this was a huge win. But for me, it wasn't a huge win in my head. It was a massive failing on my part. What was I doing wrong? How was it?  Just as much as I would talk every week on my live streams and talk about, it's a disease, not a decision, it's a disorder. I can say that all day long, but there are times when it tricks me, and I stigmatize myself around it.  It's been very much that in the last year, for sure. It's been extremely challenging facing this new baseline for myself. Because, let's face it, I'm engaging in things that I've never experienced before. I've never been in a three-year relationship with a woman. I've never been engaged. I've never bought a house. Outside of acting, I've never owned a business or been a businessperson. I mean, these are all really big commitments in life, and I'm doing them for the first time.  If I have insight now and it's like, I can have this conversation and say, “Yeah, I have every reason to be self-compassionate with myself.” These are all brand new things with no instruction manual. But it's very easy to lose sight of that insight and objectivity and to sit there and say-- we do a lot of comparing, so it's very easy to go, “Well, these are normal human things. Everybody gets married. Everybody works. This should be easy.” You talk about, like, never compare struggles, ever. If somebody walks to the mailbox and you can't, never compare struggles. But that's me going, “Well, this is normal life stuff. It's hard. Well, what's wrong with me?” Kimberley: Right. I think, for me, when I'm thinking about when you're talking, I go in and out of beating myself up for my parenting, because, gosh, I can't seem to perfect this parenting gig. I just can't. I have to figure it out. What's so interesting is when I start beating myself up and if I catch myself, I often ask myself, what would I have to feel if I had to accept that I'm not great at this? I actually suck at this. It's usually that I don't want to feel that. I will beat myself up to avoid having to feel the feelings that I'm not doing it right. That has been a gateway for me, like a little way to access the self-compassion piece. It's usually because I don't want to feel something. And that, for me, has been really helpful.  I think that when you're talking about this perceived failure—because that's what it is. It's a perceived failure, like we're all a failure compared to the person who's a little bit further ahead of us—what is it that you don't want to feel? Ethan: It's a tough question. You've caught me speechless, which is rare for me. I'm glad you're doing video because otherwise, this would be a very boring section of the podcast. For me, the failing piece isn't as much of an issue. It was before. I don't feel like I've failed. In fact, I feel like I'm living more into where I'm supposed to be in my values. I think for me, the discomfort falls around being vulnerable and not in control. I think those are two areas that I really struggle with. I always say, sometimes I feel like I'm naked in a sandstorm. That's how I feel. That's the last thing you want to be. Well, you don't want to be in a sandstorm—not naked, but naked in a sandstorm—you don't want to see me naked at all. That's the bottom line. No nudity from Ethan. But regardless, you're probably alone in the sandstorm. You feel the stinging and all of that. No, I'm just saying that's what I picture it feels like.  Kimberley: Yeah, it's an ouch. That feels like an ouch. Ethan: It feels like a big ouch. I think that vulnerability, for me, is scary. I'm not good at showing vulnerability. Meaning, I have no problem within our community. I'll talk about it all day long. I'll talk about what happened yesterday or the day before. I'll be vulnerable. But for people who don't know me, I struggle with it.  Kimberley: Me too. Ethan: Yeah. We all have our public faces. But vulnerability scares me in terms of being a human being, being fallible, and not being able to live up to expectations. What if I have to say I can't today? Or I'm just not there right now and not in control of things that scare me. Those feelings, I think, have really thrown me a bit more than usual, again. I keep saying this because things feel more at stake, and they're not, but I feel like I have so much more to live for. That's not saying that I didn't feel like I didn't have a reason to live before. That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm simply saying, dreams come true, and how lucky am I? But when dreams come true with OCD, it latches onto the things we care about most and then says, “That's going to be taken away from you. Here are all the things you have to do to protect that thing.” I think it'd been a long time since I'd really faced that.  To answer your question in short, I think, for me, vulnerability and uncertainty around what I can't control, impacting the things that I care about most, are scary. Kimberley: I resonate so much with what you're saying. I always explain to my eating disorder clients, “When you have an eating disorder and you hit your goal weight, you would think we would celebrate and be like, ‘Okay, I hit it. I'm good now.'” But now there's the anxiety that you're going to go backwards. Even though you've hit this ridiculous goal, this unhealthy goal, the anxiety is as high as it ever was because the fear of losing what you've got is terrifying. I think that's so true for so many people. And I do agree with you. I think that we do engage in a lot of self-criticism because it feels safer than the vulnerability, the loss of control, or whatever that we have to feel. What has been helpful for you in moving back towards compassion? I know you said it's like an up-and-down journey, and we're all figuring this out as we go. What's been helpful for you? Ethan: A couple of things. I think it's worth talking about, or at least bringing up this idea of core fear. I've done some recent core fear work, just trying to determine, at the root of everything, what is my core fear? For me, it comes down to suffering. I'm afraid of suffering. I'm not afraid of dying; I'm afraid of suffering. I'm afraid of my entire life having to be focused on health and disease because that's what living with OCD when I was really sick was about. It's all I focused on. So, I'm so terrified of my life suddenly being refocused on that.  Even if I did come down with something awful, it doesn't mean that my life has to solely focus on that thing. But in my mind, my core fear is, what if I have to move away from these values that I'm looking at right now and face something different? That scares the crap out of me.  The first thing around that core fear is the willingness to let that be there and give myself compassion and grace, and what does that look like, which is a lot of things. This fear—this new fear and anxiety—hasn't stopped me from moving forward in any way, but it sure has made it a little bit more uncomfortable and taken a little bit of the joy out of it. That's where I felt like I needed to put on a second warrior helmet and fight instead of not resisting, opening myself up, and being willing to be naked in a sandstorm.  One of the things that I've learned most about is, as a business owner yourself, and if you're a workaholic, setting boundaries in self-care is really hard. I didn't really connect until this year the connection, the correlation between self-care and self-compassion. If I don't have self-compassion, I won't allow myself to give myself self-care. I won't. I won't do it because I don't deserve it. There's a very big difference between time off, not working, sleeping, but then actually taking care of yourself. It's three different things. There's working, there's not working, and then there's self-care. I didn't know that either. It was like, “Well, I didn't work tonight.” Well, that's not necessarily self-care. You just weren't in a meeting, or you weren't working on something. Self-care is proactive. It's purposeful. It's intentional.  Giving myself permission to say no to things, even at the risk of my own reputation, because I feel like saying no is a big bad word, because that shows that I can't handle everything at once, Kim. I can't do it all. And that is a no-no for me. Like, no, no, no, everybody needs to believe that you can do everything everywhere all at once, which was a movie. That's the biggest piece of it.  Recently, I was able to employ some self-care where it was needed at the risk of the optic seeming. I felt like, "Here I am, world. I'm weak, and I can't handle it anymore." That's what I feel like is on the other end.  I was sick, and I had been traveling every week since the end of March. I don't sleep very well. I just don't. When I'm going from bed to bed, I really don't sleep well. I had been in seven or eight cities in seven or eight weeks. I had been home for 24 hours. This was only three weeks ago, and I was about to head out on my last trip, and the meeting that I was going for, the primary reason, got canceled, not by me. I was still going to meet with people that I love and enjoy. I woke up the day before I was traveling, and I was sick. I was like, “Oh man, do I still go?” The big reason was off the table, but there were still many important reasons to go, but I was exhausted. I was tired. I was sick. My body was saying, “Enough.” I had enough insight to say, I'm not avoiding this. This isn't anxiety. This is like straight up.  When I texted the team—this is around work and things that I value—I was like, “I'm not coming.” I said, “I'm not coming.” They responded, “We totally understand. Take care of yourself.” And what I read was, “You weak ass bastard. You should suck it up and come here, because that's what I would have done. Why are you being so lame and lazy?” That is what I read. This is just an instance of what I generally feel if I can't live up to an expectation. I always put these non-human pressures on myself.  But making this choice, within two days, I was able to reset intentionally. This doesn't mean I'm going to go to bed and avoid life. I rested for a day because I needed to sleep to get better. But the next few days were filled with value-driven decisions and choices and walks and exercising and getting back on nutrition and drinking lots of water and spending quality time with people that I care about, and my body and brain just saying, “You need a moment.” Within a couple of days, everything changed. My OCD quickly dropped back down to baseline. My anxiety quickly dropped back down. I had insight and objectivity.  When I went back to work later that week—I work from home—I was way more effective and efficient. But I wouldn't have been able to do that. It was very, very hard to give myself self-compassion around making that simple decision that everybody was okay with. Kimberley: I always say my favorite saying is, “I'm sorry, but I'm at capacity right now.” That has changed my life because it's true. It's not even a lie. I'm constantly at capacity, and I find that people do really get it. But for me to say that once upon a time, I feel this. When I was sick, the same thing. I'm going to think I'm a total nutcase if I keep saying no to these people. But that is my go-to sentence, “I'm at capacity right now,” and it's been so helpful.  Ethan: In max bandwidth.  Kimberley: Yes. What I think is interesting too is I think for those who have been through recovery and have learned not to do avoidant behaviors and have learned not to do compulsions, saying “I need a break” feels like you've broken the rules of ERP. They're different things. Ethan: You hit them down. I was literally going to say that. It also felt when I made that decision that it felt old history to me, like old Ethan, pre-getting better. I make the joke. It was true. I killed my grandfather like 20 times while he was still alive. Grandpa died. I can't come to the thing. I can't travel. I can't do the thing. This was early 2000s, but I had a fake obituary that I put into Photoshop. I would just change the date so I can email it to them later and be like, it really happened. I would do this. It's like, here was a reason. It was 100% valid. Nobody questioned it. It was not based on OCD. It was a value-driven decision, and it felt so icky. My body felt like I might as well have sent a fake obituary to these people about the fake death of my grandfather. It felt like that. So, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Kimberley: I think it's so important that we acknowledge that post-recovery or during recovery is that saying acts of compassion sometimes will feel like and sound like they're compulsions when they're actually not.  Ethan: That's such a great point. I totally agree with you. Kimberley: They're actually like, I am actually at capacity. Or the expectation was so large, which for you, it sounds like it is for me too—the expectation was so large, I can't meet that either. That sucks. It's not fun.  Ethan: No, it's not. It's not because, I mean, there's just these scales that we weigh ourselves on and what we think we can account for. I mean, the pressure that we put on ourselves. And that's why, like the constant practice of self-compassion, the constant practice of being mindful and mindfulness, this constant idea of-- I mean, I always forget the exact thing, but you always say, I strive to be a B- or C+. I can never remember if it's a B- or C+, but-- Kimberley: B-. Ethan: B-. Okay, cool.  Kimberley: C+ if you really need it. Ethan: Yeah. To this day, I heard that 10 years ago, and I still struggle with that saying because I'm like, I don't even know that I can verbally say it. Like, I want to be a B... okay, that's good enough. Because it sounds terrifying. It's like, “No, I want to be an A+ at everything I do.”  I know we're closing in on time. One of the things I just wanted to say is thank you not only for being an amazing human being, an amazing advocate, an amazing clinician, and an okay mom, as we talked about. Kimberley: Facts. #facts. Ethan: But part of the reason I love advocating is I really didn't come on here to share a specific point or get something across that I felt was important. I think it's important as an advocate figure for somebody who doesn't like transparency or vulnerability to be as transparent and vulnerable as possible and let people see a window into somebody that they may look at and go, “That person doesn't struggle ever. I want to be like that. I see him every week on whatever, and he's got it taken care of. Even when it's hard, it isn't that hard.”  For me, being able to come on and give a window into Ethan in the last six months is so crucial and important. I want to thank you for letting me be here and share a little bit about my own life and where I met the goods and the bads. I wouldn't trade any of it, but I appreciate you. Kimberley: No, thank you. I so appreciate that because it is an up-and-down journey and we're all figuring it out, myself included. You could have interviewed me and I could have done similar things. Like here are the ways that I suck and really struggle with self-compassion. Here are the times where I've completely forgotten about it as a skill until my therapist is like, “Uh, you wrote this book about this thing that you might want to practice a little more of.” I think that it's validating to hear that learning it once is not all you need; it is a constant practice. Ethan: Yeah, it definitely is. Self-compassion is, to me, one of the most important skills and tools that we have at our disposal. It doesn't matter if you have a mental health issue or not. It's just an amazing way of life. I think I'll always be a student of it. It still feels like Japanese backwards sometimes. But I'm a lot better at putting my hand-- well, my heart's on that side, but putting my hand in my heart, and letting myself feel and be there for myself. I never mind. I'm a huge, staunch advocate of silver linings. I've said this a million times, and I'll always say, having been on the sidelines of life and not being able to participate, when life gets hard and stressful, deep down, I still have gratitude toward it because that means I'm actually living and participating. Even when things feel crappy or whatever, I know there'll be a lesson from it. I know good things will come of it. I try to think of those things as they're happening. It's meaningful to me because it gives me insight and lets me know that there'll be a lesson down the road. I don't know if it'll pay itself back tomorrow or in 10 years, but someday I'll be able to look at that and be like, “Well, I got to reintroduce myself to self-compassion. I got to go on Kim Quinlan's podcast, Your Anxiety Toolkit, and be able to talk to folks about my experience.” While I didn't quite enjoy it, it was a life experience, and it was totally worth it for these reasons. Now I get to turn my pain into my purpose. I think that's really cool. Kimberley: Yeah, I do too. I loved how you said before that moving home felt like it was going backwards, but it was actually going completely forward. I think that is the reality of life. You just don't know until later what it's all about. I'm so grateful for you being on the show. Thank you so much for coming on again. Ethan: Well, thanks for having me, and we'll do one in another 200 episodes. Kimberley: Yes, let's do it. Ethan: Okay.