Podcasts about iocdf

san francisco obsessive compulsive disorder grieving hodges peer support iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 15, 2024 64:16

In episode 451 I chat with Chrissie Hodges. Chrissie is a Peer Support specialist, founder of OCD Gamechangers, and Author of ‘Pure OCD: The Invisible Side of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder'. Chrissie was awarded the hero award at the 24th IOCDF conference in San Fran. We discuss her new community, grieving from OCD, the points of grief in Chrissie's OCD story (OCD onset, lost opportunities, love and sexual development, lost time, stigma), her grieving process, her difficulty of being involuntarily admitted to a mental health hospital, navigating anger in grief, self-compassion, figuring out who you are and what you want to do with your life as symptoms reduce, and much more. Hope it helps. Show notes: https://theocdstories.com/episode/chrissie-451 The podcast is made possible by NOCD. NOCD offers effective, convenient therapy available in the US and outside the US. To find out more about NOCD, their therapy plans and if they currently take your insurance head over to https://go.treatmyocd.com/theocdstories Join many other listeners getting our weekly emails. Never miss a podcast episode or update: https://theocdstories.com/newsletter Thanks to all our patrons for supporting our work. To sign up to our Patreon and to check out the benefits you'll receive as a Patron, visit: https://www.patreon.com/theocdstoriespodcast

Pregunta y Responde # 22 - Mi experiencia de la conferencia anual IOCDF 2024

Talk TOC Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 14, 2024 68:36

¡Vuelve la sección Pregunta y Responde! En está sección entrevistamos a especialistas de la salud MENTAL para que desde el punto profesional respondan nuestras dudas de pacientes. La Conferencia Anual de TOC organizada todos los años por la IODCF, es un extraordinario evento que reúne a personas con TOC, sus seres queridos y a los profesionales de la salud mental bajo el mismo techo con el objetivo de educar a los asistentes sobre los últimos tratamientos, investigaciones y prácticas en TOC y trastornos relacionados. Este año, la conferencia se realizó en la ciudad de Orlando y dentro del gran panel de participación, nuestro queridísimo amigo José Martínez, presentó una increíble ponencia la cual tuvo una enorme repercusión y gran éxito.

LIVE podcast from the 29th IOCDF Conference in Orlando with Stuart and Jonny (#446)

conference lmft water cooler nicole morris iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 11, 2024 66:32

In episode 446 therapist Jonny Say and myself (Stuart Ralph) do a live podcast with an audience at the 29th International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) conference. We asked the audience for topics before recording, and then did our best to answer those topics live. We discuss my full circle moment, Jonny's experience of the conference, perfection, hyper responsibility, how loved ones can look after themselves when supporting someone with OCD, and how loved ones can support their loved ones with OCD, just right OCD, Inference-based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (I-CBT), and much more. Hope it helps. Show notes: https://theocdstories.com/episode/live-446 The podcast is made possible by NOCD. NOCD offers effective, convenient therapy available in the US and outside the US. To find out more about NOCD, their therapy plans and if they currently take your insurance head over to https://go.treatmyocd.com/theocdstories Thanks to all our patrons for supporting our work. To sign up to our Patreon and to check out the benefits you'll receive as a Patron, visit: https://www.patreon.com/theocdstoriespodcast

conference stuart obsessive compulsive disorder live podcasts inference iocdf stuart ralph

S2E102: Water Cooler Chats: The 29th IOCDF Conference Recap

OCD Family Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 11, 2024 16:41

Join your host, Nicole Morris, LMFT and Mental Health Correspondent, as she reflects on the recent 29th International OCD Conference in Orlando! Listen as she discusses the good, the bad and the ugly-- we're talking about you, humidity! Review the highlights and thoughts for future programming, but stick around for a whole lot of hope!

Ep. 232: Dr. Marla Deibler — Hope for Healing from Hair Pulling, Skin Picking, and Other Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors

Think Act Be: Aligning thought, action, and presence

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 10, 2024 34:03

My guest this week is Dr. Marla Deibler, a clinical psychologist who specializes in treating anxiety. We discussed her excellent new book, The BFRB Recovery Workbook (affiliate link). Check out the publisher's website where you can download many free worksheets and resources. Topics we discussed included: When a body-focused repetitive behavior becomes a diagnosable disorder Common physical consequences of BFRBs Behaviors associated with the hair-pulling of trichotillomania, a type of BFRB The buildup of hair in the digestive system (trichobezoar) from ingesting hair What makes BFRBs so hard to stop The rewarding feeling that often accompanies BFRBs Fixing something with a BFRB that doesn't feel quite right Why willpower alone is usually not enough to stop BFRBs Ambivalence in the process of change: wanting to change and not wanting to change The importance of a functional analysis to understand what drives behaviors Wanting to jump to fixing a problematic behavior before understanding it The importance of awareness for treatment Practicing incompatible responses to interrupt the habit of BFRBs The relation of BFRBs to OCD and other types of compulsive behaviors The important role of acceptance and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) The problems of using punishment to shape behavior Marla W. Deibler, PsyD, ABPP, is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Board-Certified in Behavioral and Cognitive Psychology, and Founder/Executive Director of The Center for Emotional Health of Greater Philadelphia. Marla serves on the Faculty of the Behavior Therapy Training Institute (BTTI) of the International OCD Foundation. She serves as President of the Board of Directors of OCD NJ, the NJ affiliate of the IOCDF, Consultant for the New Jersey Center for Tourette Syndrome, Visiting Clinical Supervisor at the Rutgers University Psychological Services Clinic, and Executive Council member of the ACBS OCD SIG. She is co-author of The BFRB Recovery Workbook: A Step-By-Step Guide to Effective Recovery from Hair Pulling, Skin Picking, Nail Biting, and Other Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. Find Marla online at her website.

157. Scrupulosity and Religious OCD with Claire Breedlove

The LDS Mission Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 21, 2024 51:16

Hey everyone, it's Jennie Dildine here with another episode of the LDS Mission Podcast. Today I have a really insightful discussion about religious OCD and scrupulosity. I talk with Claire Breedlove, a licensed clinical social worker who has a lot of experience treating OCD, especially when it comes to religious themes. We discuss what scrupulosity is, how it can impact missionaries and young adults, and tips for managing anxiety. Claire also shares about effective treatment options like exposure therapy. If you or someone you know struggles with religious OCD, I hope you find this conversation helpful. Be sure to check out the resources mentioned in the show notes. Thanks for listening! Claire Breedlove is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in providing evidence-based treatment for religious OCD, also known as scrupulosity, in members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Claireis an active member of the International OCD Foundation and has completed the IOCDF's Pediatric Behavior Therapy Training Institute. Claire currently serves on the Board of Directors of the Mormon Mental Health Association and is licensed to practice in California, Utah, Idaho, Texas, Louisiana and Florida. Claire holds masters degrees from Johns Hopkins University and the Tulane University School of Social Work. More information about Claire's practice is available at www.mountainhomeocd.com. Also check out th International OCD Foundation website: https://iocdf.org/ Learn more from Jennie: Website | Instagram | Facebook Get the Full Show Notes HERE Free PDF Download: Preparing Missionary Cheat Sheet My Free Training for Preparing Missionaries: Change Your Mission with this One Tool RM Transition Free Video Series: 3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home Free Guide: 5 Tips to Help Any Returning Missionary Schedule a Free Strategy Call: Click Here

Is Faith Helping Or Hindering Your Recovery (With Justin K Hughes) | Ep. 380

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 5, 2024 45:42

Exploring the relationship between faith and recovery, especially when it comes to managing Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), reveals a complex but fascinating landscape. It's like looking at two sides of the same coin, where faith can either be a source of immense support or a challenging factor in one's healing journey. On one hand, faith can act like a sturdy anchor or a comforting presence, offering hope and a sense of purpose that's invaluable for many people working through OCD. This aspect of faith is not just about religious practices; it's deeply personal, providing a framework that can help individuals make sense of their struggles and find a pathway towards recovery. The sense of community and belonging that often comes with faith can also play a crucial role in supporting someone through their healing process. However, it's not always straightforward. Faith can get tangled up with the symptoms of OCD, leading to situations where religious beliefs and practices become intertwined with the compulsions and obsessions that characterize the disorder. This is where faith can start to feel like a double-edged sword, especially in cases of scrupulosity, where religious or moral obligations become sources of intense anxiety and compulsion. The conversation around integrating faith into recovery is a delicate one. It emphasizes the need for a personalized approach, recognizing the unique ways in which faith intersects with an individual's experience of OCD. This might involve collaborating with religious leaders, incorporating spiritual practices into therapy, or navigating the complex ways in which faith influences both the symptoms of OCD and the recovery process. Moreover, this discussion sheds light on a broader conversation about the intersection of psychology and spirituality. It acknowledges the historical tensions between these areas, while also pointing towards a growing interest in understanding how they can complement each other in the context of mental health treatment. In essence, the relationship between faith and recovery from OCD highlights the importance of a compassionate and holistic approach. It's about finding ways to respect and integrate an individual's spiritual beliefs into their treatment, ensuring that the journey towards healing is as supportive and effective as possible. This balance is key to harnessing the positive aspects of faith, while also navigating its challenges with care and understanding. Justin K. Hughes, MA, LPC, owner of Dallas Counseling, PLLC, is a clinician and writer, passionate about helping those impacted by OCD and Anxiety Disorders. He serves on the IOCDF's OCD & Faith Task Force and is the Dallas Ambassador for OCD Texas. Working with a diversity of clients, he also is dual-trained in psychology and theology, regularly helping anyone to understand the interaction between faith and mental health. A sought-after writer and speaker, he is currently mid-way through writing his first workbook on evidence-based care of OCD for Christians. He is seeking a collaborative agent who will help secure the best publishing house to help those most in need. Check out www.justinkhughes.com to stay in the loop and get free guides & handouts! Kimberley: Welcome, everybody. Today, we're talking about faith and its place in recovery. Does faith help your recovery? Does it hinder your recovery? And all the things in between. Today, we have Justin Hughes. Justin is the owner of Dallas Counseling and is a clinician and writer. He's passionate about helping those who are impacted by OCD. He is the Dallas ambassador for OCD Texas and serves on the IOCDF's OCD and Faith Task Force, working with a diversity of clients. He's also dual-trained in psychology and theology, regularly helping anyone to understand the interaction between faith and OCD, most commonly Christians. But today, we're here to talk about faith in general. Welcome, Justin. Justin: Kimberley Jayne Quinlan, howdy. Kimberley: You said howdy just perfectly from your Texas state. Justin: Absolutely. Kimberley: Okay. This is a huge topic. And just for those who are listening, we tried to record this once before, we were just saying, but we had tech issues. And I'm so glad we did because I have thought about this so much since, and I feel like evolved a little since then too. So, we're here to talk about how to use faith in recovery and/or is it helpful for some people, and talk about the way that it is helpful and for some not. Can you share a little bit about your background on why this is an important topic for you? Justin: Absolutely. So, first of all, as a man of faith, I'm a Christian. I went to a Christian college, got my degree in Psychology, and very much desired to interweave studies between psychology and theology. So, I went to a seminary. A lot of people hear that, and they're like, “Did you become a priest?” No, it was a counseling program at a seminary, Dallas Theological Seminary. I came here and then found my wife, and I stayed in Dallas. And it's been important to me from a personal faith standpoint. And I love the faith integration in treatment and exploring that with clients. And of course -- or maybe I shouldn't say of course, but it's going to be a lot of Christians, but I work with a lot of different faith backgrounds. And there are some really important conversations happening in the broader world of treatment about faith integration and its place. And we're going to get into all those things and hopefully some of the history and psychology's relationship to faith, which has not been the greatest at different points. For me personally, faith isn't just an exercise. It's not something that I just add on to make my day better. In fact, a lot of times, faith requires me to do way more difficult things than I want to do, but it's a belief in the ultimate object of my faith in God and Christ as a Christian. I naturally come across a lot of people who not only identify that as important but find it as very essential to their treatment. And let's get into that, the folks that find it essential, the people who find it very much not, and the people who don't. But that's just a little bit about me and why I find this so important. Kimberley: Yeah. It's interesting because I was raised Episcopalian. I don't really practice a lot of that anymore for no reason except, I don't know, if I'm going to be really honest. Justin: So honest. I love that. Kimberley: Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot because I had a positive experience. Sometimes I long for it, but for reasons I don't know. Again, I'm just still on that journey, figuring that piece out and exploring that. Where I see clients is usually on the end of their coming to me as a client, saying, “I'm a believer, but it's all gotten messed up and mushed up and intertwined.” And I'm my job. I think of my job as helping them untangle it. Justin: Yeah. Kimberley: Not by me giving my own personal opinion either, but just letting them untangle it. How might you see that? Are you seeing that also? And what is the process of that untangling, if we were to use that word? Justin: It's so broad and varied. So, I would imagine that just like with clients that I work with and folks that come to conferences and that I talk with, the listeners in your audience, hi listeners, are going to have a broad experience of views, and it's so functional. So, I want people to hear right away that I don't think that there's just a cookie-cutter approach. There can't be with this. And whether we're treating OCD, anxiety disorders, or depression, or eating disorders, or BFRVs, fill in the blank, there are obviously evidence-based treatments which are effective for most, but even those can't be a cookie cutter when it comes down to exactly what a person needs to do or what is required of them in recovery. So, yes, let me just state this upfront for the folks that might be unduly nervous at this point. First of all, the faith piece, religious piece, does not have to enter into treatments for a lot of people to get the job done. In fact, actually, for a lot of people, it was much more healing for them, including many of my clients. I have friends and family members that sometimes look at me as scant. So like, “Wait, you went to seminary, and sometimes you don't talk about God at all.” And it's like, “Yeah, sometimes we're just doing evidence-based treatment, and that is that.” And as an evidence-based practitioner, that's important to me. So, when people come in, I want to work with what their goals are, their values. And a lot of people have found themselves, for any number of reasons, stuck, maybe compulsions or obsessive thoughts or whatever, are stuck in all things belief, religion, or faith or whatever else. And sometimes actually, the most healing thing for them to do is sometimes get in, get out, do the job clinically, walk away, experience freedom, and then grow and develop personally. But then I've also discovered that there's this other side that some people do not find a breakthrough. Some people stay stuck. And maybe these are the people that hit the stats that we see in research of 20% or so just turn down things like ERP, (exposure and response prevention) with OCD when they're offered. And then another 20 to 30% drop out. And we have great studies that tell us that most people who stick with it get a lot of benefits, but there's all the other folks that didn't. And sometimes it's because people -- no offense, you all, but sometimes people just don't want to put in the work and discipline. However, we can't minimize it to that. Sometimes it's truly people that are willing to show up, and there's a complex layer of things. And the cookie-cutter approach is not going to work for them. Maybe they have the intersection of complex health issues, intersection of trauma, intersection of even just family of origin things where life is really difficult, or even just right now, a loneliness epidemic that's happening in the world. And by the way, I'm a huge believer in the evidence base. There's a lot in the evidence base that guides us. And as I'm talking today, I want to be really clear that when I work with folks, even when we get into the spiritual, I'm working with the evidence base. Yeah, there's things that there's no specific protocol for, but a lot of folks, I think, can hopefully be encouraged that there's a strong research base to the benefits and the use and the application and also the care of practicing various spiritual practices through treatments. So, to come back to the original question, it depends so much. It's like if somebody asked me a question like, “Hey, Justin. Okay, so as a therapist, do you think that --” and I get these questions all the time, “Is it okay for me to...? Like, I am afraid of this.” I got this question at one point. Somebody was curious if I thought it was okay for them to travel to another city. And it's like, it depends. It's almost always an “it depends.” So, that's where I'm going to leave it, that nice, squeaky place that we all just want a dang answer, but the reality is, it is going to massively depend on the person and where they are, and what their needs are. Kimberley: Yeah, I mean, and I'll speak to it too, sometimes I've seen a client. Let's give a few examples of a client with OCD. The OCD has attacked their faith and made it very superstitious or very fear-based instead of faith-based. And I think they come in with that, “Everything's so messy and it used to make so much sense, and now it doesn't.” For eating disorders, I've had a lot of clients who will have a faith component where there are certain religions that have ways in which you prepare foods and things, and then that has become very sticky and hard for them. The eating disorder gets involved with that as well. And let me think more just from a general standpoint, and I'll use me as an example, as just like a generally anxious person. I remember this really wonderful time, I'll tell you a funny story, when my daughter was like five, out of nowhere, she insisted that we go to every church. Like she wanted to go to a Christian and a Catholic and Jewish temple and Muslim and Buddhist. She wanted to try all of them, and we were like, “Great, let's go and do it.” And I could see how my anxious brain would go black and white on everything they said. So, if they said something really beautiful, my brain would get very perfectionistic about that and have a little tantrum. I think it would be like, “But I can't do it that perfect,” and I would get freaked out, but also be able to catch myself. So, I think that it's important to recognize how the disorder can get mixed up in that. Justin: Yeah, absolutely. Kimberley: Right? Let's now flip, unless you have something you want to add, to how has faith helped people in their recovery, and what does that look like for you as a clinician, for the client, for their journey? Justin: Yeah, absolutely. Well, on the clinical side of things, the starting place is always going to be the assessments and diagnosis and treatment plan. And then the ethics of it too is going to be working with the person where they are and their beliefs and not forcing anything, of course. And so folks are naturally -- I get it, I respect it. I would be nervous of somebody of a different belief background that's overt about things. Some people come in, they look at the wall, they see Dallas Theological Seminary, they've studied a few things in advance. So, yeah, the starting places, sitting down, honest, building rapport, trust, assessing, diagnosing. So, for the folks where the faith piece is significant, I'll put it into two categories. So, one is sometimes we have to talk about aspects of faith just from a pure assessment sample. So, a common example of that is scrupulosity in OCD. So, I have worked with even a person on the, believe it or not, Faith and OCD Task Force who is atheist. And so, why in the world do we need to talk about faith? Why is that person even on the Faith and OCD Task Force? Well, they're representing a diversity of views and opinions on the role of faith and OCD. Kimberley: Love it. Justin: And it's so interesting to look at it at a base level with something like OCD. But frankly, a lot of mental disorders or even just challenges in life, if clinicians, one, aren't asking questions about, hey, do you have any religious views, background, even just in your background? Do you have spiritual practices that are important to you? We're missing a massive component. And here's the research piece. We know from the research that, actually, a majority of people find things of faith or spirituality important, and secondarily, that a majority of people would like to be able to talk about those things in therapy. Straight-up research. So, a couple of articles that I wrote for the IOCDF on this reference this research. So, it is evidence-based to talk about this. And then when we get into these sticky areas of obsessions and anxiety disorders, of course, it's going to poke on philosophy, worldview, spirituality. And so, it could be even outside of scrupulosity, beliefs that at first it just looks like we need some good shame reduction exercises, self-compassion, and so forth, but we discover that, oh, the person struggling with contamination OCD has a lot of deeper beliefs that they think that somehow, they are flawed because they're struggling. They're not a good enough, fill in the blank, Christian. They're not good enough. Because if so, surely God would break through in a bigger way. If so... Wouldn't these promises that I'm told in scriptures actually become true? And the cool thing is, there's a richness in the theology that helps us understand the nuance there, and it's not that simple. But if we miss that component, and it's essential for treatment, it's not just like, “Oh, I feel bad about myself. And yeah, sometimes I'm critical with myself.” And if we don't go at that level of core fear, or core distress, or core belief, oftentimes we're missing really a central part of the treatment, which we talk about in any other domain. People just get nervous sometimes, thinking about spirituality. It's like politics and religion, right? Nobody talks about those things. Well, if we're having deeper conversations, we usually are. And as clinicians, those of you that are listening to the podcast as clinicians, you know that you have to work with people of different political leanings, people of different faith leanings, people who actually live in California versus [inaudible]. I love California. So, the first category is, if we're doing good clinical work, we're going to be asking questions because it matters to most people. If we don't, we're missing a huge piece. It doesn't mean you're a bad therapist, but hey, start asking some questions if you're not, at a minimum. But then there's the second piece that most people actually want to know, and most people have some aspects of practice or integration, or even the most religion church-averse type of person will have any number of things come up such as, “Yeah, I pray occasionally,” or “Yeah, I do this grounding exercise that puts me in touch with the universe or creation or whatever it is.” So, there's the second category of when it is important to a person because it's part of the bigger picture of growth, it's part of the bigger picture of breaking free from challenges that they have, and, frankly, finding meaning. And I'll just make one philosophical comment here, because I'm a total nerd. Psychology can never be a worldview. Psychology tells us what. Psychology is a subset of science. And by worldview, I mean a collective set of beliefs, guidance, direction about how life should be lived. We can only say, “Hey, when you do this, you tend to feel this way, or you tend to do these behaviors more or do these behaviors less.” At the end of the day, we have to make interpretations and judgments about right and wrong, how to live life, the best way to live life. These are in the realm of interpretation. So, surprise, surprise, we're in the realm of at least philosophy, but we very quickly get into theology. And so back to the piece that most people care about it, most people have some sort of spiritual practice that they'll resonate with and connect with. And then most people actually want to integrate a little bit into therapy. And then some people find that it is essential. They haven't been able to find any lasting freedom outside of going deeper into a bigger purpose, `bigger meaning. Kimberley: You said a couple of things that really rang true for me because I really want to highlight here, I'm on the walk here as well as a client. And I love having these conversations with clients, not about me, about them, but them when they don't have a spiritual practice, longing for one. I've had countless clients say, “I just wish I believed.” And I think what sometimes they're looking for is a motivator. I have some clients who have a deep faith, and their North Star is that religion. Their North Star is following the word of that religion or the outcome of it, whether it be to go to heaven or whatever, afterlife or whatever. They believe like that's the North Star. That's what determines every part of their treatment. Like, “Why are we doing this exposure today?” “Because this is my North Star. I know where I'm heading. I know what the goal is.” And then I have those clients who are like, “I need a North Star. I don't have one. I don't get the point.” And I think that is where faith is so beautiful in recovery. When I witness my clients who are going to do the scary thing, they don't want to do it, but they're so committed to this North Star, whatever it might be. And maybe there's a better language than a North Star, again, whatever that is for that person. Like, “I'm walking towards the light of whatever that religion is.” I feel, if I'm going to be honest, envious of that. And I totally get that some people do too. What would you say to a client who is longing for something like that? Maybe they have spiritual trauma in some respects or they've had bad experiences, or they're just unsure. What would you say to them? Justin: Yeah, that's really great. And first of all, I just want to really say that it takes a lot of vulnerability and strength to talk as you do. And one of the ways that I admire you, KQ, is through your ability to have these vulnerable conversations. So not just like the platform of expert, because at the end of the day, we're all just people and on a journey for sure. And so thanks for being honest with that. And I'm on a journey as well. And certainly, I realized jumping on podcasts, these things put us in the expert role and we speak at conferences and things like that. But I think that's a bit of the answer right there, is that being where we are to start with is so huge. And I mean, you're so good with the steps to take around acceptance and compassion. That's it. It's like fear presses towards a thousand different possibilities, and none of them come true exactly that way. And it can lead towards people missing a lot of personal growth stuff, spiritual growth stuff. And one of those things, I think, that we do is we sit with that. Clinically, I'm going to assess, ask a lot of questions, Socratic questions as a subset of the cognitive therapy side of doing that. Let me just come back to the simplicity. I think we get there. We sit in it for a second. And otherwise, we miss it. We're rushing to preconceived solutions or answers, but we're saying that we don't necessarily have an answer for that. So, what if we take some time to actually notice it and to be with that and to actually label it and be like, “I'm not sure. I'm yearning. I'm envious. I'm wanting something, but I don't know. So, put me in, coach.” I'll sit with people. That's really the first thing. Kimberley: Yeah. What I have practiced, and I've encouraged clients is also being curious, like trying things out if that lines up with their values, going to a service, reading a book, listening to a podcast, and just trying it on. For me, it's also interesting with clients, is if they're yearning for it, try it on and observe what shows up. Is it that black-and-white thinking or perfectionism? Is it your obsessions getting involved? Is it that it just doesn't feel good in your body? And so forth. Again, just be where you are and take it slow, I think. I have a few other areas I want you to look at in terms of giving me your professional thoughts. If somebody wants to incorporate faith into their treatment, what can that look like? Can it look like praying together? What does that look like? Justin: You're asking all the good questions. Yeah, absolutely. And also, one other thing to reference, I know you're friends with Shala Nicely and Jeff Bell. And so they wrote a book. And for those that are on that, I would say, more “I'm seeking journey,” it's When in Doubt, Make Belief: An OCD-Inspired Approach to Living with Uncertainty. And I love Shala and Jeff. They're so great, and they've been really pivotal people in my own life, not just as friends, but just as personal growth too. And so, that's an example specifically where Shala talks about the throes of her suffering. Is Fred in the Refrigerator? is her basically autobiography that goes into the clinical piece too, where at the end of the day, there was a bit of a pragmatic experience that she couldn't -- the universe being against her, she basically always had that view and she needed something that was different. And so she got there, I think. I hope I'm reflecting her sentence as well, but got there pragmatically. “The universe is friendly” is something that she said. Now, I just know that my Christian brothers and sisters, if they're listening to this, they're probably like, “What the heck is Justin talking about? The universe is friendly?” Because that's very, very different from the language that we've used, but it's just such a great example to me of just one step at a time, a person on the journey. They're looking at those things and assessing, okay, what is obsessive, what is compulsive, what is this thing that I can believe in and I ultimately do, but maybe I'm not. I don't want to or I'm not ready, or it doesn't make sense to me to make a jump into an organized religious plea for whatever else. And so, how does it look for clients? So in short, do I pray with clients? Yeah, absolutely. Do I open up the Bible? Yes, absolutely. Actually, it is a minority of sessions, which again, on my more conservative friends and family side of things are almost shocked and scratching their heads. Like, “You're a Christian, you do counseling, and you're not doing that.” We're a bunch of weirdos. We're in that realm of the inter-Christian circle in a good sense. We believe so deeply that God loves us and God has interceded and does intercede, and interacts with our present, not just a historical event here and there, and we're left on our own, the deistic watchmaker, to use a philosophical reference there. That because we believe that so strongly, we're not going to take no for an answer in the sense of the deeper growth and deeper faith. So, sometimes that backfires though, especially getting into the superstitious, like, “Well, God's got to be in everything, and I'm not feeling it,” as opposed to like, “Okay. Is it possible that I could just have a brain that gives me some pretty nasty thoughts sometimes and it doesn't necessarily reflect that I'm in a bad state, that I can be curious about what a person getting mangled by a car might look like mentally and then be terrified by that?” And then like, “Thanks, brain, for giving me the imagination. Glad I can think through accidents so I can maybe be a safer driver.” Yeah, absolutely. But I will say that's one of those sticky points a lot of times for Christians because we believe that thoughts matter and beliefs matter. And so there can be this overinterpretation of everything is always something really big and serious about my status and my heart, and something that's really big and serious about spiritual things or demonic stuff, or fill in the blank. So, the faith integration piece, I do carefully, but I'm not scared of it. I've done it so often. It's through a lot of assessments. It has to be from the standpoint of the client's wanting that. Usually, the client is asking me specifically, like, “Hey, would you pray at the end of the session?” Sure, absolutely, in most cases. And this, such a deep topic. I'm fully aware that there are those in the camp that view faith integration as completely antithetical to what needs to happen in treatments. And they argue their case, they're going to argue it really strongly, but the same exists on the other side as well. And I try and work in that realm of, okay, what's good for the clients? And are there some things that I don't do? Yeah, but I'm not really asked to do them. I've had a number of Muslim clients throughout the year. I don't join in with Ramadan with clients in various practices or fasting with a client, for example. That's not my faith practice there. But can I walk with the client who is trying to differentiate between the lines of fasting and I had water at this point, and the sun was going down and I thought. And other people were having water, but I'm getting stuck on assessing, like, was it too early, and did I actually violate my commitment, my vow? Did I violate what I was supposed to be doing? I can absolutely work with that person, and I need to. I can't really work with OCD or anxiety disorders if I wanted to turn that person away at the door and be like, “Oh, well, I'm not Muslim, so I'm sorry.” No, we're going to jump into it and be like, “Okay, so tell me about this thought and then this behavior that came up at this time, and you're noticing that that's a little different from your community, that other people are starting to drink water, eat food. And so, you mentioned that it was right at sunset, but what time was that?” “Well, actually, it was like 10:30 p.m. It's two hours dark.” It's like, “But I think I saw a glow in the distance.” And it's like, “Okay, now we're into a pretty classic OCD realm.” And so the simplest way that I can say that faith integration can be done in therapy is carefully, respectfully, with good assessments. Kimberley: Do you have them consult with their spiritual leader if you're stuck on that? And does that involve you speaking with them, them speaking with them, all three of you? What have you done? Justin: Yeah, absolutely. So, there is a collaboration that goes in a number of different ways. Most of the time, people can speak with their clergy member or faith leader pretty directly, pretty separately, and that is going to work just fine. I would say in most cases, people don't need to, especially if I'm working with OCD. A lot of folks usually have a pretty good general sense of, “Okay, I know what my faith community is going to say about this is X, but I'm scared because it feels like it's on shaky ground, I'm obsessing,” et cetera. So, the clarification with the clergy, for instance, or a leader is more from the standpoint of if there's not a defined value definition practice, and that does come up for sure. So, helping that person to even find who that might be, especially if they're not a part of that, and/or maybe a good article to read with some limits, like, okay, three articles max. Check out a more conservative view, a more liberal view, a more fill in the blank. And then my friend and colleague Alec Pollard up at St. Louis Behavioral Medicine Institute, he's been on scrupulosity panels with me. He uses this excellent form called the PISA, (Possibly Immoral or Sinful Act). And it's just a great several-question guide. That or any number of things can be taken to clergyperson, leader in Christian circles a lot of times, like a Bible study or community group. Maybe flesh those things out just a little bit, maybe once, maybe twice max. And so, back to how much others are integrated, yeah, it's a mix and match, anything, everything. For me, with direct conversations with clergy, it's actually because I'm pretty deep into this realm, I have pretty easy access to a lot of folks, so I don't really need to so much talk directly or get that person on a release. But a lot of people do, especially if they don't know that religious belief or faith traditions approach on certain topics. Kimberley: Yeah. It's so wonderful to talk about this with you. Justin: Thanks, Kimberley. Same here. Kimberley: Because I really do feel, I think post-COVID, there's more conversations with my clients about this. This could be totally just my clients, but I've noticed an increased longing, like you said, for that connection, the loneliness pandemic. Justin: Yeah, that's statistical. Kimberley: Such a need for connection, such a need for community, such a need for that, like what is your North Star? And it can be, even if we haven't really talked about depression, it can be a really big motivator when you're severely depressed, right? Justin: Absolutely. Kimberley: And this is where I'm very much like so curious and loving this conversation with my clients right now in terms of, where is it helpful? Where isn't it helpful? As you said, do you want to use this as a part of your practice here in treatment, in recovery? And what role does it play? I know I had mentioned to you, I'd even asked on Instagram and did a poll, and there were a lot of people saying, “It gave me a community. It immensely helps. It does keep me focused on the goal,” especially if it's done intentionally without letting fear take over. Is there anything you wanted to add to this conversation before we finish up? Justin: Yeah, I guess two things. So, one is you talked about that, and we talked about a couple of those responses before we jumped on to recording. So, in summary, the responses were all across the board, like, “Ooh.” Let me know if I'm summarizing this well, but, “I have to be really careful. That can be really compulsive or not so much. I don't like to do that. I don't think it's necessary.” And then like, yeah, absolutely. This is really integral and really important. Is that a fair summary? Kimberley: Very much. Yep. Justin: Okay. And so, I'm building this talk, Katie O'Dunne and Rabbi Noah Tile, ERP As a Spiritual Practice. We're giving here at the Faith and OCD Conference in April, if this is out by then. And in my section that I have, I'm covering the best practices of treatments, specifically ERP (exposure and response prevention) for OCD, and clinically, but then also from a faith standpoint, what do we consider with that? And there's this three-prong separation that I'm making. I'm not claiming a hold on the market with this, but I'm just observing. There's one category of a person who comes into therapy, and it's like, yeah, face stuff, whatever. It doesn't matter, or even almost antagonistic against it. Maybe they've been burnt, maybe they've been traumatized or abused with faith. Yeah, I get it. So, that first camp is there. But then there's also a second camp that people like to add on spiritual practices. They might mix and match, or they might follow a specific system, belief system. And whether it gets into mindfulness or meditation practices or fasting or any number of things, they find that there's a lot of benefit, but it's maybe not at the heart of it. And then there's this third prong of folks that it is part and parcel of everything they do. And I work with all three. They come up in different ways. And sometimes people cycle between those different ones as well in treatments in the process. Kimberley: I'm glad you said that. Justin: Yeah. And so, I just thought that was interesting when you pulled folks that had come up. Really, the second thing, and maybe this is at least my ending points unless we have anything else, you had mentioned to the audience that graciously, we had some tech issues. You all, it wasn't Kimberley's tech issues. It was Justin's tech issues. I spilled coffee on my computer like a week or two prior. It zapped. It's almost like you'd see in a movie, except it wasn't sparking. And I'm like, “Oh my goodness.” And it was in a client session. That was a whole funny story in of itself. And I'm like, “Oh my goodness.” It wasted my nice computer that I use for live streaming and all of that. And so I'm using my little budget computer at home. It's like, “Oh, hopefully it works.” And it just couldn't. It couldn't keep up with all the awesomeness that KQ's spitting out. And I shared with you, Kimberley, a little bit on the email, something deep really hit me after that. I felt a lot of shame when we tried back and forth for 30 minutes to do it, and my computer kept crashing, basically because it couldn't stand the bandwidth and whatever else was needed. And one might think it's just a technical thing, but I'd had some stuff happen earlier that week. I started to play in my church worship band, lead guitar, and there was something that I just wasn't able to break through, and I was just feeling ashamed of that. And it just really hit me. And one of my key domains that I am growing in is my own perfectionism, as a subset of my own anxiety, and perfectionism is all about shame. And I love performance, I love to perform well. I like to say, “Oh, it's seeking excellence, and it's seeking the best for other people's good.” But deep down inside, perfectionism is this shame piece that anything shy of perfect is not good enough, and it just hit me. I felt like trash after that happened. I felt embarrassed. And you were so gracious, “It's okay, we'll reschedule.” And so, I went for a walk, which I do. Clear my mind, get exercise. And I was just stuck on that. And one of the ways where my Christian walk really came in at that moment was, I started to do some cognitive restructuring. I started to -- for you all who don't know, it's looking at the bigger picture and being more realistic with negative thoughts. Like, “Ah, I can't believe this happened. I failed this,” as opposed to like, “Okay, we're rescheduling. It's all right. It actually gave us more time to think about it.” And I didn't know that then, but I could have said similar things. I was doing a bunch of clinical tools that are helpful, but frankly, it wasn't until I just tapped into the bigger purpose of, one, not controlling the universe. I don't keep this globe spinning. I barely keep my own life spinning. Two, God loves me. And three, it's okay. It's going to work that out. Four, maybe there's something bigger, deeper going on that I don't know. And I can't guarantee that it was for this reason. I'm not going to put that in God's mouth and say that, “Oh yeah, okay, well, He gave us a couple more weeks to prepare.” I don't know. I really don't know. But it helped me to tap into like, “Okay, it's all right. It's really all right.” And it took me about half a day, frankly. I'm slightly embarrassed to say, “No, I'm not embarrassed to say that as a clinician who works with this stuff. I have full days, I have full weeks. I have longer periods of time where I'm wrestling with this stuff.” And yeah, areas have grown. I've improved in my life for sure, but I'm just a hot mess some days. Kimberley: But that's nice to hear too, because I think, again, clients have said it looks so nice to be loved by God all the time. That must be so nice. But it's not nice. I hate that you went through that. But I think people also need to know that people of faith also have to walk through really tough days and that it isn't the cure-all, that faith isn't the cure-all for struggles either. I think that's helpful for people to know. Justin: Yeah, that's right. So, thank you for letting me share a little bit of that. And yeah, the personalized example of why, at least for me, faith is important. If folks come into my office and they say, “Nah, no thanks,” okay, I'm going to try lightly, carefully, or just avoid it altogether if that's what they want. But oftentimes it's really at the center of, okay, purpose, meaning, direction, guidance, and okay, you want to do that? I'll roll up my sleeves, and let's go. Kimberley: Yeah. See, I'm glad that it happened because you got to tell that beautiful story. And without that beautiful story, I would be less happy. So, thank you for sharing that and being so vulnerable. I think I shared with you in an email like I've had to get so good at letting people down that I get it. And I love that you have that statement, like God loves me. That is beautiful. That's like sun on your face right there. I love that you had that moment. Justin: Yeah, it comes up so much, so many times. In the Bible and even to -- like I wrote this article on Fear Not. So, the most common exhortation in all of the Christian Bible is fear not. So, one might think like, “Oh yeah, don't commit adultery,” or “Don't kill, don't murder,” or fill in the blank. Not even close. The most common exhortation in all of scriptures is actually fear not, and then love, various manifestations all throughout. I could go on, but I know we're out of time. Kimberley: Well, what I will say is tell people where they can hear about you and even access that if they're interested. I love to read that article. So, where will people hear about you and learn more about the work you do? Please tell us everything. Justin: Yeah, sure. And I'll include some stuff for your show notes that you can send to the things referenced. And then JustinKHughes (J-U-S-T-I-N-K-H-U-G-H-E-S) .com is my base of operations where the contact, my email practice information, my blog is on there. And you can subscribe to my newsletter totally free. Totally, totally free. And I do a bunch of eBooks as well on there that are free. JustinKHughes.com/GetUnstuck to join one of four of the newsletters. Other than that, that's where those announcements come out for different conferences. So, Faith and OCD, if this is out in time in April, but April every year, it's getting to be pretty big. We're getting hundreds of people attending. We're now in our fourth annual IOCDF (International OCD Foundation Conference), local conferences, various live streams. So, anyway, the website is that base, that hub, where you'll actually see any number of those different announcements. Thanks for asking. Kimberley: I'm going to make sure this is out before the conference. Can you tell people where they can go to hear about the conference? Justin: Yeah. So, IOCDF.org. And then I think it's /conferences, but you can also type into Google conferences and there's a series of all sorts of different conferences going on. And this is the one that's dedicated to OCD and faith concerns. And just when you think that it's just one specific belief system, then prepare to be surprised because we've done a lot of work to have a diverse group of folks, sharing and speaking and covering a lot of things, ranging from having faith-specific or non-faith nuns, support groups. So, there are literally support groups if you're an atheist and you have OCD, and that's actually an important part of where you are in your journey. But for Christians, for Muslims, for Jewish, et cetera, et cetera, we're trying to really have any number of backgrounds supported along with talks and in broad general things, but then we get more specific into, “Hey, here's for clinicians. Hey, here's for the tips on making for effective practices.” Kimberley: Yeah, amazing. And I'll actually be speaking on self-compassion there as well. So, I'm honored to be there. Thank you for being here, Justin. This was so wonderful. Justin: Yeah, this really was. Thank you.

The Lively Minds podcast interviews Stuart, and Matthew Antonelli (IOCDF): Tackling misinformation about OCD (#423)

minds stuart tackling obsessive compulsive disorder misinformation lively antonelli iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 3, 2024 38:11

In episode 423 Will Sadler and Ellie Page of the Lively Minds podcast interviewed myself (Stuart), and Matthew Antonelli of the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) about tackling the misinformation about OCD. We talk about how misunderstood OCD is, why the media gets it wrong, the letting your intrusive thoughts win social media trend, educating a news outlet on OCD miseducation, educating clinicians, and much more. Hope it helps. Show notes: https://theocdstories.com/episode/ocd-misinformation-423 The podcast is made possible by NOCD. NOCD offers effective, convenient therapy available in the US and outside the US. To find out more about NOCD, their therapy plans and if they currently take your insurance head over to https://go.treatmyocd.com/theocdstories Thanks to all our patrons for supporting our work. To sign up to our Patreon and to check out the benefits you'll receive as a Patron, visit: https://www.patreon.com/theocdstoriespodcast

Overcoming Visual Staring OCD (with Matt Bannister) | Ep. 371

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 26, 2024 41:27

Visual Staring OCD (also known as Visual Tourrettic OCD), a complex and often misunderstood form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, involves an uncontrollable urge to stare at certain objects or body parts, leading to significant distress and impairment. In an enlightening conversation with Kimberley, Matt Bannister shares his journey of overcoming this challenging condition, offering hope and practical advice to those grappling with similar issues. Matt's story begins in 2009, marked by a sense of depersonalization and dissociation, which he describes as an out-of-body experience and likened to looking at a stranger when viewing himself in the mirror. His narrative is a testament to the often-overlooked complexity of OCD, where symptoms can extend beyond the stereotypical cleanliness and orderliness. Kimberley's insightful probing into the nuances of Matt's experiences highlights the profound impact of Visual Staring OCD on daily life. The disorder manifested in Matt as an overwhelming need to maintain eye contact, initially with female colleagues, out of fear of being perceived as disrespectful. This compulsion expanded over time to include men and intensified to such a degree that Matt felt his mind couldn't function normally. The social implications of Visual Staring OCD are starkly evident in Matt's recount of workplace experiences. Misinterpretation of his behavior led to stigmatization and gossip, deeply affecting his mental well-being and leading to self-isolation. Matt's story is a poignant illustration of the societal misunderstandings surrounding OCD and its variants. Treatment and recovery form a significant part of the conversation. Matt emphasizes the role of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) in his healing process. However, he notes the initial challenges in applying these techniques, underscoring the necessity of a tailored approach to therapy. Kimberley and Matt delve into the power of community support in managing OCD. Matt's involvement with the IOCDF (International OCD Foundation) community and his interactions with others who have overcome OCD, like Chris Trondsen, provide him with valuable insights and strategies. He speaks passionately about the importance of self-compassion, a concept introduced to him by Katie O'Dunne, and how it transformed his approach to recovery. A critical aspect of Matt's journey is the realization and acceptance of his condition. His story underscores the importance of proper diagnosis and understanding of OCD's various manifestations, which can be as unique as the individuals experiencing them. Matt's narrative is not just about overcoming a mental health challenge; it's a story of empowerment and advocacy. His transition from a struggling individual to a professional peer support worker is inspiring. He is now dedicated to helping others navigate their paths to recovery, using his experiences and insights to offer hope and practical advice. In conclusion, Matt Bannister's journey through the complexities of Visual Staring OCD is a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit. His story offers valuable insights into the disorder, challenges misconceptions, and highlights the importance of tailored therapy, community support, and self-compassion in overcoming OCD. For anyone struggling with OCD, Matt's story is a beacon of hope and a reminder that recovery, though challenging, is within reach. Instagram - matt bannister27 Facebook - matthew.bannister.92 Facebook group - OCD Warrior Badass Tribe Email :matt3ban@hotmail.com Kimberley: Welcome back, everybody. Every now and then, there is a special person that comes in and supports me in this way that blows me away. And today we have Matt Bannister, who is one of those people. Thank you, Matt, for being here today. This is an honor on many fronts, so thank you for being here. Matthew: No, thank you for bringing me on, Kim. This is a huge honor. I'm so grateful to be on this. It's just amazing. Thank you so, so much. It's great to be here. Kimberley: Number one, you have been such a support to me in CBT School and all the things that I'm doing, and I've loved hearing your updates and so forth around that. But today, I really want you to come on and tell your story from start to end, whatever you want to share. Tell us about you and your recovery story. Matthew: Sure. I mean, I would like to start as well saying that your CBT School is amazing. It is so awesome. It's helped me big time in my recovery, so I recommend that to everyone. I'm an IOCDF grassroots advocate. I am super passionate about it. I love being involved with the community, connecting with the community. It's like a big family. I'm so honored to be a part of this amazing community. My recovery story and my journey started back in 2009, when—this is going to show how old I am right now—I remember talking on MSN. I remember I was talking; my mind went blank in a conversation, and I was like, “Ooh, that's weird. It's like my mind's gone blank.” But that's like a normal thing. I can just pass it off and then keep going forward. But the thing is with me. It didn't. It latched on with that. I didn't know what was going on with me. It was very frightening. I believe that was a start for me with depersonalization and dissociation. I just had no idea of what it was. Super scary. It was like I started to forget part of my social life and how to communicate with people. I really did start to dissociate a lot when I was getting nervous. And that went on for about three or four years, but it gradually faded naturally. Kimberley: So you had depersonalization and derealization, and if so, can you explain to listeners what the differences were and how you could tell the differences? Matthew: Yeah. I think maybe, if I'm right with this, with the depersonalization, it felt like I knew how it was, but I didn't at the same time. It was like when I was looking in a mirror. It was like looking at a stranger. That's how it felt. It just felt like I became a shell of myself. Again, I just didn't know what was happening. It was really, really scary. I think it made it worse. With my former friends at that time, we'd make fun of that, like, “Oh, come on, you're not used to yourself anymore. You're not as confident anymore. What's going on? You used to try and take the [03:19 inaudible] a lot with that.” With the dissociation, I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. For me, if I sat in a room and it was really hitting me hard, as if I were anxious, it would feel like I was floating around that room. I couldn't concentrate. It was very difficult to focus on things, especially if it was at work. It'd be very hard to do so. That came on and off. Kimberley: Yeah, it's such a scary feeling. I've had it a lot in my life too, and I get it. It makes you start to question reality, question even your mental health. It's such a scary experience, especially the first time you have it. I remember the first time I was actually with a client when it started. Matthew: Yeah, it is. Again, it is just a frightening experience. It felt like even when I was walking through places, it was just fog all the time. That's how it felt. I felt like someone had placed a curse on me. I really believe that with those feelings, and how else can I explain it? But that did eventually fade, luckily, in about, like I said, three to four years, just naturally on its own. When I had those sensations, I got used to that, so I didn't put as much emphasis on those situations. Then I carried on naturally through that. Then, well, with going through actually depersonalization, unfortunately, that's when my OCD did hit. For me, it was with, I believe, relationship OCD because I was with someone at the time. I was constantly always checking on them, seeing if they loved me. Like, am I boring you? Because I thought of depersonalization. I thought I wasn't being my full authentic self and that you didn't want to be within me anymore. I would constantly check my messages. If they didn't put enough kisses on the end of a message, I think, “Oh, they don't love me as much anymore. Oh no, I have to check.” All the time, even in phone calls, I always made sure to hear that my partner would say, “Oh, I love you back,” or “I love you.” Or as I thought, I did something wrong. Like they're going off me. I had a spiral, thinking this person was going to cheat on me. It went on and on and on and on with that. But eventually, again, the relationship did fade in a natural way. It wasn't because of the OCD; it was just how it went. And then, with relationship OCD, with that, I faded with that. A search with my friends didn't really affect me with that. Then what I can recall, what I have maybe experienced with OCD, I've had sexual orientation OCD. Again, I was questioning my sexuality. I'm heterosexual, and I was in another warehouse, a computer warehouse, and it was all males there. I was getting what I describe as intrusive thoughts of images of doing sexual acts or kissing and stuff like that. I'm thinking, “Why am I getting these thoughts? I know where my sexuality is.” There's nothing wrong, obviously, with being homosexual or queer. Nothing wrong with that at all. It's just like I said, that's how it fades with me. I mean, it could happen again with someone who's queer, and it could be getting heterosexual thoughts. They don't want that because they know they're comfortable with their sexuality. But OCD is trying to doubt that. But then again, for me, that did actually fade again after about five or six months, just on its own. And then, fast forward two years later is when the most severe theme of OCD I've ever had hit me hard like a ton of bricks. And that for me was Visual Tourettic OCD, known as Staring OCD, known as Ocular Tourettic OCD. And that was horrendous. The stigma I received with this theme was awful. I remembered the day when it hit me, when I was talking to a female colleague. Like we all do, we all look around the room and we try and think of something to say, but my eyes just landed on the chest, like just an innocent look. I'm like, “Oh my God, why did I do that? I don't want to disrespect this person in front of me. I treat her as an equal. I treat everyone the same way. I don't want to feel like she's being disrespected.” So I heavily maintained eye contact after that. Throughout that conversation, it was fine. It was normal, nothing different. But after that, it really latched onto me big time. The rumination was massive. It was like, you've got to make sure you're giving every single female colleague now eye contact. You have to do it because you know otherwise what stigma you could get. And that went on for months and years, and it progressed to men as well a couple of years later. It felt like my mind can't function anymore. I remember again I was sitting next to my friend, who was having a game on the PlayStation. And then I just looked at his lap, just for no reason, just looked at his lap, and he said, “Ooh, I feel cold and want to go and change.” I instantly thought, “Oh my God, is it because he thought I might have stared that I creeped him out?” And then it just seriously latched onto me big time. As we all know, with this as well, when we think of the pink elephant allergy, it's like when we don't think of the pink elephant, what do we do? And that's what it was very much like with this. I remember when it started to get really bad, my eyes would die and embarrass somebody part places. It was like the more anxious I felt about not wanting to do it, the more it happened, where me and my good friend, Carol Edwards, call it a tick with the eye movement. So like Tourette, let's say, when you get really nervous, I don't know if this is all true. When someone's really nervous, maybe they might laugh involuntarily, like from the Joker movie, or like someone swearing out loud. This is the same thing with eye movement. Every time I was talking to a colleague face-to-face to face, I was giving them eye contact, my mind would be saying to me, “Don't look there, don't look there, don't look there,” and unfortunately think it would happen. That tick would happen. It would land where I wouldn't want it to land. It was very embarrassing because eventually it did get noticed. I remember seeing female colleagues covering their hi vis tops, like across their arms. Men would cover their crotches. They would literally cross their legs very blatantly in front of me. Then I could start to hear gossip. This is when it got really bad, because I really heard the stigma from this. No one confronted me by the way of this face-to-face, but I could hear it crystal clear. They were calling me all sorts, like deviant or creep or a perv. “Have you seen his eyes? Have you seen him looking and does that weird things with his eyes? He checks everyone out.” It was really soul-destroying because my compulsion was to get away from everyone. I would literally hide across a room. Where no one else was around, I would hide in the cubicles because it was the only place where I wasn't triggered. It got bad again. It went to my family, my friends, everyone around me. It didn't happen with children, but it happened with every adult. It was horrendous. I reached out to therapy. Luckily, I did get in contact with a CBT therapist, but it was talk therapy. But it's better than nothing. I will absolutely take that. She was amazing. I can't credit my therapist enough. She was awesome. If this person, maybe this is like grace, you're amazing, so thank you for that. She was really there for me. It was someone I could really talk to, and it can help me and understand as best as she could. She did, I believe, further research into what I had. And then that's when I finally got diagnosed that I had OCD. I never knew this was OCD, and everything else made sense, like, “Oh, this is why I was going through all those things before. It all now makes concrete sense what I was going through.” Then I looked up the Facebook group called Peripheral Vision/Visual Tourettic OCD. That was a game-changer for me. I finally knew that I wasn't alone because, with this, you really think you're alone, and you are not. There are thousands of people with this, or even more. That was truly validating. I was like, “Thank God I'm not the only one.” But the problem is, I didn't really talk in that group at first because I thought if other people saw me writing in that group, it's going to really kill my reputation big time. That would be like the final nail in the coffin. Even though it was a private group, no one could do that. But I didn't still trust it that much at that time. I was doing ERP, and I thought great because I've researched ERP. I knew that it's effective. Obviously, it's the gold standard. But for me, unfortunately, I think I was doing it where I was white-knuckling through exposures. Also, when I was hearing at work, still going back to my most triggering place, ERP, unfortunately, wasn't working for me because I wasn't healing. It was like I was going through the trigger constantly. My mind was just so overwhelmed. I didn't have time to heal. I remember I eventually self-isolated in my room. I didn't go anywhere. I locked myself away because I thought I just couldn't cope anymore. It was a really dark moment. I remember crying. It was just like despair. I was like, “What's happening to me? Why is all this happening to me?” Later on, I did have the choice at work. I thought, I can either go through the stillest, hellacious process or I can choose to go on sick leave and give my chance to heal and recover. That's why I did. And that was the best decision I ever made. I recommend that to anyone who's going through OCD severely. You always have a choice. You always have a choice. Never pressure yourself or think you're weak or anything like that, because that's not the case. You are a warrior. When you're going through things like this, you are the most strongest person in the world. It takes a lot of courage to confront those demons every single day to never ever doubt yourself with that. You are a strong, amazing individual. When I did that, again, I could heal. It took me two weeks. Unfortunately, my therapy ended. I only had 10 sessions, but I had to wait another three months for further therapy in person, so I thought, “Oh, at least I do eventually get therapy in person. That's amazing.” And then the best thing happened to me. I found the IOCDF community. Everything changed. The IOCDF is amazing. The best community, in my opinion, the world for OCD. My god, I remember when I first went on Ethan's livestream with Community Conversations. I reached out to Ethan, and he sent me links for OCD-UK. I think OCD Action as well. That was really cool of him and great, and I super appreciate that, and you knew straight away because I remember watching this video with Jonathan Grayson, who is also an amazing guy and therapist, talking about this. I was like, again, this is all that I have. And then after that, I reached out to Chris Trondsen as the expert. What Chris said was so game-changing to me because he's gone through this as well and has overcome it. He's overcome so many severe themes of OCD. I'm like, “This guy is amazing. He is an absolute rock star. Literally like a true champion.” For someone to go through as much as he has and to be where he is today, I can't ask for any more inspirement from that. It's just incredible. He gave some advice as well in that livestream when we were talking because I reached out and said, how did you overcome this? He said, “With the staring OCD, well, I basically told myself, while I'm staring, well, I might as well stare anyway.” And that clicked with me because I'm thinking he's basically saying that he just didn't give it value anymore. I'm like, “That's what I've been doing all this time. I've given so much value, so much importance. That's why it keeps happening to me.” I'm like, “Okay, I can maybe try and work with this.” Then I started connecting with Katie O'Dunne, who is also amazing. She was the first person I actually did hear about self-compassion. I'm like, “Yes, why didn't I learn about this early in my life? Self-compassion is amazing. I need to know all about this.” It makes so much sense. Why'd I keep beating myself up when I treat a friend, like when I talked to myself about this? No, I wouldn't. I just watched Katie's streams and watched her videos and Instagram. It was just an eye-opener for me. I was like, “Wow, she's talking about, like, bring it on mindset as well with this.” When you're about to face the brave thing, just say, “Bring it on. Just bring on," like The Rock says. "Just bring it. I just love that. That's what I did. That's what I started doing. I connected as well with my friend, Carol Edwards, who is also a former therapist and is the author of many books. One of them was Address Staring OCD. If anyone's going through this as well, I really recommend that book. Carol is an amazing, amazing person. Such an intelligent woman. When I met Carol, it was like the first time in my life. I was like, “Wow, I'm actually talking to someone who's got the same theme as me, and a lot of other themes I've gone through, she has as well.” We just totally got each other. I was like, “Finally, I'm validated. I can talk to someone who gets it truly.” And that really helped, let's say, when I started to learn about value-based exposures. I remember, again, Katie, Elizabeth McIngvale, Ethan, and Chris. I was like, “Yeah, I mean, I'm going to do it that way,” because I just did ERP before I was white-knuckling. I never thought of doing it in a value-based way. So I thought, okay, well, what is OCD taking away that I enjoy most doing? That's what I did. I created a hierarchy, or like even in my mind. I thought, well, the cinema, restaurants, coffee shops, going to concerts, eventually going on holiday again, seeing my friends, family is most probably most important. I started doing baby steps. I remember as well, I asked Chris and Liz, how do I open up to this to my family? Because I've got to a point where I just can't hide behind a mask anymore. I need someone else to know who's really close to me. Chris gave me some amazing advice, and Liz, and they said that if you show documents, articles, videos about this, long as they have a great understanding of mental health and OCD, you should be okay. And that's what I did. They know I had OCD. I've told them I had OCD, but not the theme I had. When I showed them documents and videos, it was so nerve-racking, I won't lie. But it was the best thing I ever did because then, when they watched that, they came to me and said, “Why didn't you tell us about this before? I thought you wouldn't understand or grasp this.” I know OCD awareness in the UK is not the best, especially with this theme. But they said, “No, after watching that, we're on your team; we will support you. We are here for you. We will do exposures with you.” And they gave me a massive hug afterwards. I was like, “Oh my God, this is the best scenario for me ever,” because then I can really amplify my recovery. This is where it started really kicking on for me now. Everything I've learned, again, from those videos, watching with the streams from IOCDF, I've incorporated. Basically, when I was going to go to the cinema at first, I know that the cinema is basically darkness. When you walk through there, no one's really going to notice you. Yeah, they might see you in their peripheral vision, but they're going to be more like concentrating on that movie than me. That was my mindset. I was like, “Well, if I was like the other person and I didn't have VTO and the other person did, would I be more concentrated on them or the movie?” And for me, it would be obviously the movie. Why would I else? Unless they were doing something really vigorous or dancing in front of me, I'm not going to look. And that's my mindset. The deep anxiety was there, I will be honest. It was about 80 percent. But I had my value because I was going to watch a film that I really wanted to watch. I'm a big Marvel fan. It was Black Panther Wakanda, and I really enjoyed that. It was a long movie as well. I went with my friend. We got on very, very well. For me as well, with this trigger, I get triggered when people can move as well next to me. I'm very hyper-vigilant with this. That can include me with the peripheral as well. But even though my eyes say they died, it was, okay, instead of beating myself up, I can tell myself this is OCD. I know what this is. It doesn't define me. I'm going to enjoy watching this movie as much as I can and give myself that compassion to do so. After that moment, I was like, “Wow, even though I was still triggered, I enjoyed it. I wasn't just wanting to get out of there. I enjoyed being there.” And that was starting to be a turning point for me because then I went to places like KFC. I miss KFC. I love my chicken bucket. I won't lie with that. That was a big value. You got to love the chicken bucket folks. Oh, it was great. Well, I had my parents around me so that they know I was pretty anxious still. But I was there. I was enjoying my chicken again. I was like, “I miss this so much.” And then the best thing is, as far as I remember, when I left that restaurant, they said to me, “We're so proud of you.” And that helps so much because when you're hearing feedback like that, it just gives you a huge pat on the back. It's like, yeah, I've just done a big, scary thing. I could have been caught. I could have been ridiculed. I could have been made fun of. People may have gossiped about me, but I took that leap of faith because I knew it's better than keep isolating, where in my room, being in prison, not living a life. I deserve to live a life. I deserve to do that. I'm a human being. I deserve to be a part of human society. After that, my recovery started to progress. I went to my friend Carol to more coffee shops. We started talking about advocacy, powerful stuff, because when you have another reason on a why to recover, that's a huge one. When you can inspire and empower others to recover, it gives you so much more of a purpose to do it because you want to be like that role model, that champion for the people. It really gives you a great motive to keep going forward with that and that motivation. And then I went to restaurants with my family for the first time in years, instead of making excuses, instead of compulsion. People would still walk by me in my peripheral, but I had the mindset, like Kate said, “You know what? Just bring it on. Just bring it.” I went in there. I know I was still pretty anxious, and I sat on my phone, and I'm going to tell myself using mindfulness this time that I'm going to enjoy the smell of the food coming in. I'm going to enjoy the conversation with my family instead of thinking of, let's say, the worst-case scenario. The same with a waiter or waitress coming by. I'm just going to have my order. And again, yeah, my eyes die, they spit in my food—who knows? But I'm going to take that leap of faith because, again, it's worth it to do this. It is my why to get my life back. That's why I did it. Again, I enjoyed that meal, and I enjoyed talking to my family. It was probably the first time in years where I wasn't proper triggered. I was like, that was my aha moment right there. The first time in years where my eyes didn't die or anything. I just enjoyed being in a normal situation. It was so great to feel that. So validating. Kimberley: So the more triggered you were, the harder it was to not stare? Is that how it was? Matthew: Yes. The more triggered I was going down that rabbit hole, the more, let's say, it would happen because my eyes would die, like up and down. It would be quite frantic, up and down, up and down. Everyone's not the same. Everyone's different with this. But that's what mine would be like. That's why I would call it a tick in that sense. But when we feel calm, obviously, and the rumination is not there, or let's say, the trigger, then it's got no reason to happen or be very rare when it does. It's like retraining. I learned to retrain my mind in that sense to incorporate that into doing these exposures. Again, that's what was great about opening up to my family. I could practice that at home because then, when I'm sitting with my family, I'd still be triggered to a degree, but they know what I have. They're not going to judge me or reject me, or anything like that. So my brain healed naturally. The more I sat next to my family, I could bring that with, say, the public again and not feel that trigger. I could feel at ease instead of feeling constantly on edge. Again, going to coffee shops late, looking around the room, like you say so amazingly, Kim, using your five senses. I did that, like looking around, looking at billboards, smelling the coffee again, enjoying the taste of it, enjoying the conversation, enjoying the surroundings where I am instead of focusing on the prime fear. And that's what really helped brought me back to the present. Being in the here and the now. And that was monumental. Such a huge tool, and I recommend that to everyone. Mindfulness is very, very powerful for doing, let's say, your exposures and to maintain recovery. It's just a game-changer. I can't recommend that enough. One of my biggest milestones with recovery when I hit it, the first time again in years, I went to a live rock concert full of 10,000 people. There would be no way a year prior that would I go. Kimberley: What rock concert? I have to know. Matthew: Oh, I went to Hollywood Vampires. Kimberley: Oh, how wonderful! That must have been such an efficient, like, it felt like you crossed a massive marathon finish line to get that thing done. Matthew: Oh, yeah, it was. It was huge to see, like I say, Alice Cooper, Johnny Depp, and I think—I can't remember this—Joe Perry from Aerosmith. I can't remember the drummer's name, I apologize, but it was great. You know what? I rocked out. I told myself, “I've come this far in my journey, I'm going to rock out. I'm going to enjoy myself. I don't care, let's say, where my eyes may go, and that's telling OCD, though. I'm just going to be there in the moment and enjoy rocking out.” And that's exactly what I did. I rocked out big time. I remember even the lead singer from the prior band pointing at me and waving. I would have been so triggered by that before, but now we're back in the game, the rock on sign, and it was great. Kimberley: There's so much joy in that too, right? You were so willing to be triggered that you rocked out. That's how willing we were to do that work. It's so cool, this story. Matthew: Yeah. The funny part is, well, the guy next to me actually spilled beer all over himself. That would have been so triggering against me before, like somebody's embarrassing body part places. Whereas this time I just laughed it off and I had a joke with him, and he got the beer. It was like a normal situation—nothing weird or anything. His wife, I remember looking at my peripheral, was just cross-legged. But hey, that's just a relaxing position like anyone else would do. That's what I told myself. It's not because of me thinking, “Oh, he's a weirdo or a creep.” It's because she's just being relaxed and comfortable. That's just retraining my mind out, and again, refocusing back to the concert and again, rocking out to Alice Cooper, which was amazing. I really enjoyed it. I just thought it's just incredible from where I was a year ago without seeing-- got to a point where I set myself, I heard the worst stigma imaginable to go to the other aspect, the whole end of the other tunnel, the light of the tunnel, and enjoy myself and being free. I love what Elizabeth McIngvale says about that, freedom over function. And that's exactly at that point where that's where I was. I'm very lucky to this day. That's why I've maintained it. Sometimes I still do get triggered, but it's okay because I know it's OCD. We all know there's no cure, but we can keep it in remission. We can live a happy life regardless. We just use the tools that we've learned. Again, for me, values-based exposure in that way was game-changing. Self-compassion was game-changing. I forgot to mention my intrusive thoughts with sexual images as well with this, which was very stressing. But when I had those images more and more, it's basically what I learned again from Katie. I was like, “Yeah, you know what? Bring it on. Bring it on. Let's see. Turn it up. Turn it up. Crank it up.” Eventually, the images stopped because I wasn't giving fear factor to it. I was going to put the opposite of basically giving it the talk-to-the-hand analogy, and that worked so well. I see OCD as well from Harry Potter. I see OCD as the boggart, where when you come from the boggart, it's going to come to your most scariest thing. But you have that power of choice right there and then to cast the spell and say ridiculous, as it says in the Harry Potter movies, and it will transform into something silly or something that you can transform yourself with compassion and love. An OCD can't touch you with that. It can't. It becomes powerless. That's why I love that scene from that film. Patrick McGrath says it so well with the Pennywise analogy. The more fear we feed the beast or the monster, the more stronger it becomes. But when we learn to give ourselves self-compassion and love and, again, using mindfulness and value and knowing who we authentically are, truly, it can do nothing. It becomes powerless. It can stay in the backseat, it might try and rear its ugly head again, but you have the more and the power in the world to bring it back, and you can be firmly in that driver's wheel. Kimberley: So good. How long did it take you, this process? Was it a short period of time, or did these value-based exposures take some time? Matthew: Yeah, at first, it took some time to master it, if that makes sense. Again, I was going to start going to more coffee shops with my friend Carol or my family. It did take time. I was still feeling it to a degree, but probably about after a month, it started to really click. And then overall, it took me about-- I started really doing this in December, January time. I went to that concert in July. So about, yeah, six, seven months. Kimberley: Amazing. Were there any stages where there were blips in the road, bumps on the road? What were they like for you? Matthew: Yeah. I mean, my eyes did that sometimes. Also, like I said, when I started to do exposures, where I'd walk by myself around town places, it could be very nerve-wracking. I could think I'm walking behind someone that all the might think I'm a stalker and things like that because of the staring. That was hard. Again, I gave myself the compassion and told myself that it's just OCD. It doesn't define who I am. I know what this monster is, even though it's trying its very best to put me down that rabbit hole. Yeah, that person might turn around and say something, or even look. I have the choice again to smile back, or I can even wave at them if I wanted to do so. It just shows that you really have all the power or choice to just throw some back into OCD space every single time. Self-compassion was a huge thing that helped smooth out those bumps. Same with mindfulness. When I was getting dissociated, even when I was still getting dissociated, getting really triggered, I would use the mindfulness approach. For example, when I was sitting in pubs, and that was a value to me as well, sometimes that would happen. But I would then use the tools of mindfulness. And that really, really helped collect myself being present back in the here and the now and enjoying what's in front of me, like having a beer, having something to eat, talking to my friend, instead of thinking like, are they going to see me staring at them weirdly? Or my eyes met out someone, and I don't know, the waitress might kick me out or something like that. Instead of thinking all those thoughts, I just stay present. The thing is with this as well, it's like when you walk down places, people don't even look at you really anyway. They just go about their business, like we all do. It's just remembering that and keeping that mindfulness aspect. You can look around where you are, like buildings, trees, the ocean, whatever you like, and you can take that in and relearn. Feel the wind around you. If it's an ice wind, obviously, that's freezing right now. The smells—anything, anything if it's a nice smell, or even if it's a bad smell. Anything that use your senses that can just bring you back and feel again that peace, something you enjoy, surround yourself with. Again, when I was seeing my friend Carol, the town I went to called Beverley, it's a beautiful town, very English. It is just a nice place. That's what I was doing—looking at the scenery around where I was instead of focusing on my worst worries. Kimberley: This is so cool. It's all the tools that we talk about, right? And you've put them into practice. Maybe you can tell me if I'm wrong or right about this, but it sounds like you were all in with these skills too. You weren't messing around. You were ready for recovery. Is that true? Or did you have times where you weren't all in? Matthew: Yeah, there were times where I wasn't all in. I suppose when I was-- I also like to ask yourself with me if I feel unworthy. That is still, I know it's different to staring OCD and I'm still trying to tackle that sometimes, and that can be difficult. But again, I use the same tools. But with, like I say, doing exposures with VTO, I would say I was all in because I know that if I didn't, it's going to be hard to reclaim my life back. I have a choice to act and use the tools that I know that's going to work because I've seen Chris do it. It's like, “Well, I can do it. I've seen Carol do it. That means I can do it. So I'm going to do it.” That's what gave me the belief and inspiration to go all in. Because again, reach out to the community with the support. If it was a hard time, I'd reach out. The community are massive. The connection they have and, again, the empowerment and the belief they can give you and the encouragement is just, oh, it's amazing. It's game-changing. It can just light you up straight off the bar when you need it most, and then you can go out and face that big scary thing. You can do it. You can overcome it because other people have. That means you can do it. It's absolutely possible. Having that warrior mindset, as some of my groups—the warrior badass mindset—like to call it, you absolutely go in there with that and you can do it. You can absolutely do it. Kimberley: I know you've shared with me a little bit privately, but can you tell us now what your big agenda is, what your big goal is right now, and the work you're doing? Because it's really exciting. Matthew: Sure, I'd be glad to do it. I am now officially a professional peer support worker. If anyone would love to reach out to me, I am here. It's my biggest passion. I love it. It's like the ultimate reward in a career. When you can help someone in their journey and recovery and even empower each other, inspire, motivate, and help with strategies that's worked for you, you can pass on them tools to someone else who really needs it or is still going through the process where it's quite sticky with OCD. There's nothing more rewarding than that. Because for me, when I was at my most severe, when I was in my darkest, darkest place, it felt like a void. I felt like just walking through a blizzard of nothing. Having someone there to speak to who gets it, who truly gets it, and who can be really authentically there for you to really say, “You can do this. I'm going to do it with you. Let's do it. Like really, let's do it. Bring it on, let's do it. Let's kick this thing's butt,” it's huge. You really lay the smackdown on OCD. It's just massive. For me, if I had that when I was going through it, again, I had a great therapist, but if I had a peer support worker, if I was aware that they were around—I wasn't, unfortunately, at that time—I probably would have reached out because it's a huge tool. It's amazing. Even if you're just to connect with someone in general and just have a talk, it can make all the difference. One conversation, I believe, can change everything in that moment of what that person's darkness may be. So I'm super, super excited with that. Kimberley: Very, very exciting. Of course, at the end, I'll have everyone and you give us links on how to get to you. Just so people know what peer support counseling is or peer support is, do they need to have a therapist? Who's on the team? What is it that they need in order to start peer support? Matthew: Yeah. I mean, you could have a therapist. I mean, I know peer support workers do work with therapists. I know Chrissie Hodges. I've listened to her podcast, and she does that. I think it may be the same with Shannon Shy as well. I'm not too sure. I think as well to the person, what they're going through, if they would want to at first reach out to a peer support worker that they know truly understands them, that can be great. That peer support like myself can then help them find a therapist. That's going to really help them with their theme—or not just their theme—an OCD specialist who gets it, who's going to give them the right treatment. That can be really, really beneficial. Kimberley: I know that we've worked with a lot of peer support, well, some peer support providers, and it was really good because for the people, let's say, we have set them up with exposures and they're struggling to do it in their own time, the peer support counselor has been so helpful at encouraging them and reminding them of the tools that they had already learned in therapy. I think you're right. I think knowing you're not alone and knowing someone's done it, and I think it's also just nice to have someone who's just a few steps ahead of you, that can be very, very inspiring for somebody. Matthew: Absolutely. Again, having a peer support work with a therapist, that's amazing. Because again, for recovery, that's just going to amplify massively. It's like having an infinite gauntlet on your hand against OCD. It's got no chance down the long run. It's incredibly powerful. I love that. Again, like you said, Kim, it's like when someone, let's say, they know that has reached that mountain top of recovery, and that they look at that and thinking, “Well, I want to do the same thing. I know it would be great to connect with that person,” even learn from them, or again, just to have that connection can make a huge, huge difference to know that they can open up to other people. Again, for me, it's climbing up that other mountain top with someone else from the start, but to know I've got the experience, I get to climb that mountain top with them. Kimberley: Yeah, so powerful. Before we finish up, will you tell us where people can get ahold of you if they want to learn more? And also, if there's anything that you feel we could have covered today that we didn't, like a main last point that you want to make. Matthew: Sure. People can reach out to me, and I'm going to try and remember my tags. My Instagram tag is matt_bannister27. I think my Facebook is Matthew.Bannister.92, if you just type in Matthew Bannister. It would be in the show notes as well. You can reach out to me on there. I am at the moment going to create a website, so I will fill more onto that later as well. My email is matt3ban@hotmail.com, which is probably the best way to reach out to me. Kimberley: Amazing. Anything else you want to mention before we finish up? Matthew: Everyone listening, no matter what darkness you're going through, no matter what OCD is putting in your way, you can overcome it. You can do it. As you say brilliantly as well, Kim, it's a beautiful day to do hard things. You can make that as every day because you can do the hard things. You can do it. You can overcome it, even though sometimes you might think it's impossible or that it's too much. You can do it, you can get there. Even if it takes baby steps, you're allowed to give yourself that compassion and grace to do so. It doesn't matter how long it takes. Like Keith Smith says so well: “It's not a sprint; it's a marathon.” When you reach that finish line, and you will, it's the most premium feeling. You will all get there. You will all absolutely get there if you're going through it. Oh, Kim, I think you're on mute. Kimberley: I'm sorry. Thank you so much for being on. For the listeners, I actually haven't heard your story until right now too, so this is exciting for me to hear it, and I feel so inspired. I love the most that you've taken little bits of advice and encouragement from some of the people I love the most on this planet. Ethan Smith, Liz McIngvale, Chris Trondsen, Katie O'Dunne. These are people who I learn from because they're doing the work as well. I love that you've somehow bottled all of their wisdom in one thing and brought it today, which I'm just so grateful for. Thank you so much. Matthew: You're welcome. Again, they're just heroes to me, and yourself as well. Thank you for everything you do as well for the community. You're amazing. Kimberley: Thank you. Thank you so much for being here. Matthew: Anytime.

5 Most Common Recovery Roadblocks (with Chris Tronsdon) | Ep. 370

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 19, 2024 42:53

If you want to know the 5 Most Common Recovery Roadblocks with Chris Tronsdon (an incredible anxiety and OCD therapist), you are in the right place. Today Chris and I will go over the 5 Most common anxiety, depression, & OCD roadblocks and give you 6 highly effective treatment strategies you can use today. Kimberley: Welcome everybody. We have the amazing Chris Trondsen here with us today. Thank you for coming, Chris. Chris: Yes, Kim, thanks for having me. I'm super excited about being here today and just about this topic. Kimberley: Yes. So, for those of you who haven't attended one of the IOCDF Southern California conferences, we had them in Southern California. We have presented on this exact topic, and it was so well received that we wanted to make sure that we were spreading it out to all the folks that couldn't come. You and I spoke about the five most common anxiety & OCD treatment roadblocks, and then we gave six strategic solutions. But today, we're actually broadening it because it applies to so many people. We're talking about the five most common anxiety treatment roadblocks, with still six solutions and six strategies they can use. Thank you for coming on because it was such a powerful presentation. Chris: No, I agree. I mean, we had standing room only, and people really came up to us afterwards and just said how impactful it was. And then we actually redid it at the International OCD Foundation, and it was one of the best-attended talks at the event. And then we got a lot of good feedback, and people kept messaging me like, “I want to hear it. I couldn't go to the conference.” I'd play clips for my group, and they're like, “When is it going to be a podcast?” I was like, “I'll ask Kim.” I'm glad you said yes because I do believe for anybody going through any mental health condition, this list is bound, and I think the solutions will really be something that can be a game changer in their recovery. Kimberley: Absolutely, absolutely. I love it mostly because, and we're going to get straight into these five roadblocks, they're really about mindset and going into recovery. I think it's something we're not talking about a lot. We're talking about a lot of treatment, a lot of skills, and tools, but the strategies and understanding those roadblocks can be so important. Chris: Yeah. I did a talk for a support group. They had asked me to come and speak, and I just got this idea to talk about mindset. I did this presentation on mindset, and people were like, “Nobody's talking about it.” In the back of my head, I'm like, “Kim and I did.” But we're the only ones. Because I do think so many people get the tools, right? The CBT tools, they get the ERP tools, the mindfulness edition, and people really find the tools that work for them. But when I really think of my own personal recovery with multiple mental health diagnoses, it was always about mindset. And that's what I like about our talk today. It's universal for anyone going through any mental health condition, anxiety base, and it's that mindset that I think leads to recovery. It shouldn't be the other way around. The tools are great, but the mindset needs to be there. Kimberley: Yeah. We are specifically speaking to the folks who are burnt out, feeling overwhelmed, feeling a lack of hope of recovery. They really need a kickstart, because that was actually the big title of the presentation. It was really addressing those who are just exhausted with the process and need a little bit of a strategy and mindset shift. Chris: Yeah. I don't want to compare, but I broke my ankle when I was hiking in Hawaii, and I have two autoimmune diseases. Although those ailments have caused problems, especially the autoimmune, when I think back to my mental health journey, that always wore me out more because it's with you all the time, 24/7. It's your mental health. When my autoimmune diseases act up, I'm exhausted, I'm burnt out, but it's temporary. Or my ankle, when it acts up, I have heating pads, I have things I can do, but your brain is with you 24/7. I do believe that's why a lot of people resonate with this messaging—they are exhausted. They're busting their butt in treatment, but they're tired and hitting roadblocks. And that's why this talk really came about. Kimberley: Yeah, exactly. All right, let's get into it here in a second. I just want to give one metaphor with that. I once had a client many years ago give the metaphor. She said, “I feel like I'm running a marathon and my whole family are standing on the out, like on the sidelines, and they're all clapping, but I'm just like faceplant down in the middle of the road.” She's like, “I'm trying to get up, I'm trying to get up, and everyone's telling me, ‘Come on, you can do it.' It's so hard because you're so exhausted and you've already run a whole bunch of miles.” And so I really think about that kind of metaphor for today. If people are feeling that way, hopefully they can take away some amazing nuggets of information. Chris: Absolutely. That's a good visual. Faceplant. Kimberley: It was such a great and powerful visual because then I understood this client's experience. Like, “Oh, okay. You're really tired. You're really exhausted.” ROADBLOCK #1: YOU BEAT YOURSELF UP! Okay, let's get into it. So, I'm going to go first because the number one roadblock we talked about, not that these are in any particular order, but the one we came up first was that you beat yourself up. This is a major roadblock to recovery for so many disorders. You beat yourself up for having the disorder. You beat yourself up for not coping with it as well as you could. You beat yourself up if you have OCD for having these intrusive thoughts that you would never want to have. Or you're beating yourself up because you don't have motivation because you have, let's say, some coexisting depression. The important thing to know there is, while beating yourself up feels productive, it might feel like you're motivating yourself, or you may feel like you deserve it. It actually only makes it harder. It only makes it feel like you've got this additional thing. Again, a lot of my patients—let's use the marathon example—might yell at themselves the whole way through the marathon, but it's not a really great experience if you're doing that, and it takes a lot of energy. SOLUTION #1: SELF-COMPASSION So what we offered here as a strategic solution is self-compassion—trying to motivate and encourage yourself using kindness. If you're going through a hard day, maybe, just if you've never tried this before, trial what it would be like to encourage yourself with kind words or asking for support, asking for help so that you're not burning all that extra energy, making it so much harder on yourself, increasing your suffering. Because I often say to patients, the more you suffer, the more you actually deserve self-compassion. It's not the other way around. It's not that the more you suffer, the less you deserve it. Do you have any thoughts on that, Chris? Chris: Oh yeah. I would say I see that across the board with my clients, this harshness, and there's this good intention behind it, this idea that if I can just bully myself into recovery. I always try to remind clients that anxiety-based disorders, it's a part of our bodies as well. Our brain is a part of our body, just like our arm, our tibia, our leg, all these other bones, but there's a lack of self-empathy that we have for ourselves, as if it's something that we're choosing to do. Someone with a broken leg doesn't wake up in the morning and get mad at themselves that their leg is still broken. They have understanding, and they're working on their exercises to heal. It's the same with these disorders. So, the reason I love self-compassion is when we go and step in to help one of our friends, we use a certain tone, we use certain words, we tap into their strengths, we use encouragement because we know that method is going to be what boosts them up and helps them get through that rough patch. But for some reason, when it's ourselves, we completely abandon everything we know that's supportive, and we talk to ourselves in a way that I almost picture like a really negative boot camp instructor, like in the military, just yelling and screaming into submission. The other thing is when we're beating ourselves up like that, we're more likely to tap into our unhelpful habits. We're more likely to shut down and isolate, which we see a lot in BDD, social anxiety, et cetera. But that self-compassion isn't like a fake pop culture support. It's really tapping into meeting yourself where you're at, giving yourself some understanding, and tapping into the strategies that have worked in the past when you're in a low moment. I know sometimes people are like, “I don't know how to do that,” but you're doing it to everybody else in your life. Now it's time to give yourself that same self-compassion that you've been giving to everybody important to you. Kimberley: Yeah, and we actually have a few episodes on Your Anxiety Toolkit on exactly how to embrace self-compassion, like how that might actually look. So, if people are really needing more information there, I can add in the show notes some links to some resources there as well. ROADBLOCK #2: THERE WILL BE HARD DAYS Okay. Now, Chris, can you tell us about the second most common or another common anxiety roadblock around this idea that there will be hard days? Chris: There's always these great images if you Google about what people think recovery will look like versus what recovery looks like. I love those images because there is this idea. We see a lot of perfectionism in anxiety disorders. In OCD, we see perfectionism. So, this idea of, like, I should be here and I should easily scoot to the end. It's not going to be like that; it's bumpy, it's ups and downs. We know so much factors into or impact how our mental health disorder shows up. We can't always control our triggers. Sometimes if we haven't slept well or there's a lot of change in our life, we could have more anxiety. So, it's going to ebb and flow. So, when we have this fixed mindset of like, it has to be perfect, there has to be absolutely no bumps on the road, no turbulence, we're going to set ourselves up for failure because the day we have a hard day, we want to completely shut down. So I really believe, in this case, the solution is thinking bigger. If you're thinking day to day, sometimes if you're too in it, you're dealing with depression, you're really feeling bad, you skipped school because you have a presentation, social anxiety is acting up. You think bigger picture. Why am I here? Why am I doing this? Why have I sought out treatment? Listen to this podcast. What am I trying to accomplish? SOLUTION #2: KNOW YOUR WHY I know for me in my own recovery, knowing my why was so important. There were certain things in my life that I found important to achieve, and I kept that as the figurative carrot in front of the mule to get me to go. So, that way, if I had a rough day, I thought bigger picture. What do I need to do today to make sure that I meet my goals? And so, I believe everybody needs to know their why. Now, it doesn't have to be grandiose. Some people want to build a school and teach kids in underprivileged countries. Amazing why. But other people are sometimes like, “I just want to be able to make my own choices today and not feel like I base them out of anxiety.” There's no right or wrong why, but if you can know what beacon you're going to, it really helps you get through those hard days. What about for you? When we talk about this, what comes up for you? Kimberley: Well, I think that for me personally, the why is a really important mindset shift because often I can get to this sort of, like you said, perfectionistic why. Like, the goal is to have no anxiety, or the goal is to have no bad days. We see on social media these very relaxed people who just seem to go with the flow, and that's your goal. But I have to often with myself do a little reality check and go, “Okay, are you doing recovery to get there? Because that goal might be setting you up for constant disappointment and failure. That mightn't be your genetic makeup.” I'm never going to be like the go-with-the-flow Kimberley. That's just not who I am. But if I can instead shift it to the why of like, what do I value? What are the things I want to be able to do despite having anxiety in my life? Or, despite having a hard day, like you said, how do I want that to look? And once I can get to that imagery, then I have a really clear picture. So, when I do have a bad day, it doesn't feel so defeating, like what's the point I give up, because the goal was realistic. Chris: For me, a big part of my why in recovery, once I started getting into a place where I was managing the disorders I was dealing with—OCD, body dysmorphic disorder, I had a lot of generalized anxiety, and major depressive disorder—I was like, “I need to give back. There's not people my age talking about this. There's not enough treatment providers.” There was somewhere, like in the middle of my treatment, that I was like, “I don't know how I'm going to advocate. I don't know what that's going to look like, but I have to give back.” And so, on those hard days when I would normally want to just like, “Well, I don't care that it's noon, I'm shutting it down, I'm going into my bed, I'm just going to sleep the rest of the day,” reminding myself like there's people out there suffering that can't find providers, that can't find treatment, may not even know they have these disorders. I have to be one of the voices in the community that really advocates and gets people education and resources. And so, I didn't let myself get in bed. I looked at the day as quarters. Okay, the morning and the afternoon's a little rough, but I still have evening and night. Let me turn it around. I have to go because I have this big goal, this ambitious dream. I really want to do it. So that bigger why kept me just on track to push through hard days. ROADBLOCK #3: YOU RUN OUT OF STAMINA Kimberley: Amazing. I love that so much. All right. The third roadblock that we see is that people run out of stamina. I actually think this is one that really ties into what we were just talking about. Imagine we're running a marathon. If you're sprinting for the first 20 miles, you probably won't finish the race. Or even if you sprint the first two miles, you probably won't finish the marathon. One of the things is—and actually, I'll go straight to the strategy and the thing we want you to practice—we have to learn to pace ourselves throughout recovery. As I said, if you sprint the first few miles, you will fall flat on your face. You're already dealing with so much. As you said, having a mental health struggle is the most exhausting thing that I've ever been through. It requires such of your attention. It requires such restraint from not engaging in it and doing the treatment and using the tools. It's a lot of work, and I encourage and congratulate anyone who's trying. The fact that you're trying and you're experimenting with what works and what doesn't, and you're following your homework of your clinician or the workbook that you've used—that's huge. But pacing yourself is so important. So, what might that look like? Often, people, students of mine from CBT School, will say, “I go all out. I do a whole day of exposures and I practice response prevention, and I just go so hard that the next day I am wiped. I can't get out of bed. I don't want to do it anymore. It was way too much. I flooded myself with anxiety.” So, that's one way I think that it shows up. I'll often say, “Okay, let's not beat yourself up for that.” We'll just use that as data that that pace didn't work. We want to find a rhythm and a pace that allow you to recover. It's sort of like this teeter-totter. We call it in Australia a seesaw. You want to do the work, but not to the degree where you faceplant down on the concrete. We want to find that balance. I know for me, when I was recovering from postural orthostatic tachycardic syndrome, which is a chronic illness that I had, it was so hard because the steps to recovery was exercise, but it was like literally walking to the corner and back first, and then walking half a block, and then walking three-quarters of a block, and then having my husband pick me up, then walking one block. And that's all I was able to do without completely faceplanting the next day, literally and figuratively. My mind kept saying to me, “You should be able to go faster. Everybody else is going faster. Everyone else can walk a mile or a block. So you should be able to.” And so, I would push myself too hard, and then I'd have to start all over again because I was comparing myself to someone who was not in my position. SOLUTION #3: PACE YOURSELF So, try to find a pace that works for you, and do not compare your pace with me or Chris or someone in your support group, or someone you see on social media. You have to find and test a pace that works for you. Do you have any thoughts, Chris? Chris: Yeah. I would say in this one, and you alluded to it, that comparison, that is going to get you in this roadblock because you're going to be looking to your left and your right. Why is that person my age working and I'm not? It's not always comparing yourself. Sometimes, like you said, it is people in your support group. It's people that you see advocating for the disorder you may have. But sometimes people even look at celebrities or they'll look at friends from college, and can I do that? The comparison never motivates you, it never boosts you; it just makes you feel less than. That's why one of my favorite quotes is, “Chase the dream, not the competition.” It's really finding a timeline that works best for you. I get why people have this roadblock. As somebody who's lived through multiple mental health disorder diagnoses, it's like, once we find the treatment, we want to escalate to the finish line, and we'll push ourselves in treatment sometimes too much. And then we have one of those days where we can't even get out of bed because we're just beat up, we're exhausted, and it's counterproductive. I wanted to add one thing too. The recovery part may not even be what you're doing with your clinician in a session that you are not pacing yourself with. My biggest pacing problem was after recovery, not that the disorders magically went away, they were in remission, I was working on doing great, but it was like, I went to martial arts, tennis, learned Spanish, started volunteering at an animal shelter, went back to school, got a job, started dating. It was so much. Because I felt like I was behind, I needed to push myself. The problem that started to happen was I was focusing less on the enjoyable process of dating or getting a job, or going back to school. I was so fixated on the finish line. “I need to be there, I need to be there. What's next? What's next?” I got burnt out from that, and I was not enjoying anything I was doing. So, I would say even after you're managing your disorder, be careful about not pacing yourself, even in that recovery process of getting back into the lifestyle that you want. Kimberley: Yeah, absolutely. I would add too, just as a side point, anyone who is managing a mental health issue or an anxiety disorder, we do also have to fill our cup with the things that fill our hearts. I know that sounds very cliche and silly, but in order to pace ourselves and to have the motivation and to use the skills, we do have to find a balance of not just doing all the hard things, but making sure you schedule time to rest and eat and drink and see friends if that fills your cup, or read if that fills your cup. So, I think it's also finding a rhythm and a balance of the things that fill your cup and identifying that, yes, recovery is hard. It will deplete your stores of energy. So, finding things that fill that cup for you is important. Chris: Well, you just made a good point too. In my recovery, all those things you mentioned, I thought of those as like weakness, like I just wasted an hour reading. Sometimes even with friends. That one, not as much, because I saw value in friendship. But if I just watched a movie or relaxed, or even just hung out with friends, it felt like a waste. I'm like, “How dare I am behind everybody else? I should be working. I should be this. I should move up.” A lot of should statements, a lot of perfectionist expectations of myself. So, the goal for me or the treatment for me wasn't to then go to the other extreme and just give up everything; it was really to ask myself, like you said, how can I fill my cup in ways that are important and see value and getting a breakfast burrito with a friend and talking for three hours and not thinking like, “Oh, I should have been this because I got to get my degree.” I'm glad that you brought that up. I always think of like we're overflowing our cup with mental health conditions. We have to be able to have those offsets that drain the cup so we have a healthy balance. So, a great point. ROADBLOCK #4: NOT OWNING YOUR RECOVERY Kimberley: I agree. So important. Would you tell us about owning your recovery? Because you have a really great story with this. Chris: Yeah. People ask me all the time how I got better. A lot of people with body dysmorphic disorder struggle to get better. Obviously, we know that with obsessive-compulsive disorder, major depressive disorder, et cetera. So, a lot of people will ask sometimes, and I always say to them, if I had to come up with one thing, it was because I made my mental health recovery number one. I felt that it was like the platform that I was building my whole life on. I'm so bad with the-- what is it? The house, the-- I'm not a builder. Kimberley: Like the foundation. Chris: Thank you. Clearly, I'm not going to be making tools tomorrow or making things with tools. But yeah, like a house has to have a nice foundation. You would never build a house on a rocky side of the mountain. And so, I had to give up a lot, like most of us do, as we start to get worse. I became housebound and I dropped out of college, and I gave up a job. I was working in the entertainment industry, and I really enjoyed it. I was going to film school, and I was happy. I had to give all that up because I couldn't even leave my house because of the disorder. SOLUTION #5: MAKE YOUR RECOVERY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING So, when I was going to treatment and I was really starting to see it work, I was clear to that finish line of what I needed to do. So I made it the most important thing. It wasn't just me; it was my support system. My treatment was about a four-hour round trip from my house, so my mom and I would meet up every day. We drive up to LA. I go to my OCD therapist, and I'd go to my psychiatrist and then my BDD therapist and support group, and then come home. There's times I was exhausted, I wanted to give up, I was over it, but I never ever, ever put it to number two or three. I almost had this top three list in my head, and number one was always my recovery. My mom too, I mean, when she talks, she'll always say it's the most important thing. If my job was going to fire me because I couldn't come in because I had to take my kid on Wednesdays to treatment, I was going to get fired and find a new job. We just had to make this important. As I was getting better, there were certain opportunities that came back to me from my jobs or from school. My therapist and I and my mom just decided, “Let's hold off on this. Let's really, really put effort into the treatment. You're doing so well.” One of the things that I see all the time, my mom and I run a very successful family and loved ones group. A lot of times, the parents aren't really making it the priority for their kids or the kids, or the people with the disorders aren't really making it a priority. It's totally understandable if there's things like finances and things, barriers. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about when people have access to those things, they're just not owning it. Sometimes they're not owning it because they're not taking it seriously or not making it important. Or other times, people are expecting someone else to get them better. I loved having a team. I didn't have a big team. I came from nothing. It was a very small team. I probably needed residential or something bigger. I only really had my mom's support, but we all leaned on each other. But I always knew it was me in the driver's seat. At the end of the day, my therapist couldn't save me, my mom couldn't save me, they couldn't come to my house and pull me out of bed or do an exposure for me, or have me go out in public during the daytime because of BDD. I had to be the one to do it. I could lean on them as support systems and therapists are there for, but at the end of the day, it was my choice. I had to do it. When my head hit the pillow, I had to make sure that I did everything I possibly could that day to recover. When I took ownership, it actually gave me freedom. I wasn't waiting for someone to come along. I wasn't focusing on other things. I made it priority number one. I truly believe that that was the thing that got me better. Once again, didn't have a lot of resources, leaned a lot on self-help books and stuff because I needed a higher level of care, but there was none and we couldn't afford it. I don't want anyone to hear this podcast and think, “Well, I can't find treatment in my area.” That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying, whatever you have access to, own it, make it a priority, and definitely be in that leader's seat because that's going to be what's going to get you better. Kimberley: Yeah, for sure. I think too when I used to work as a personal trainer, I would say to them, “You can come to training once a week, but that once a week isn't going to be what crosses you across that finish line.” You know what I mean? It is the work you do in the other 23 hours of that day and the other seven days of the week. I think that is true. If you're doing and you're dabbling in treatment, but it's not the main priority, that is a big reason that can hold you back. I think it's hard because it's not fair that you have to make it priority number one, but it's so necessary that you do. I really want to be compassionate and empathize with how unfair it is that you have to make this thing a priority when you see other people, again, making their social life their priority or their hobby their priority. It sucks. But this mindset shift, this recalibration of this has to be at the top. When it gets to being at the top, I do notice, as a clinician, that's when people really soar in their recovery. Chris: Yeah. We had a very honest conversation with my BDD therapist, my OCD therapist, and my psychiatrist, and they're like, “You need a higher level of care. We understand you can't afford it. There's also a lot of waiting lists.” They're like, “You're really going to have to put in the work in between sessions. You're supposed to be in therapy every day.” We just couldn't. All we can afford is once a week. They said, “Look, when you're not in our session, you need to be the one.” So, for instance, with depression, my psychiatrist is like, “Okay, you're obviously taking the medication, but you need to get up at the same time every day. Open up all your blinds, go upstairs, eat breakfast on the balcony, get ready, leave the house from nine to five.” I didn't have a job. “But you need to be out of the house. You need to be in nature. You need to do all these things.” I never wanted to, but I did it. Or with my OCD and BDD recovery, I didn't want to go out in public. I felt like it looked horrendous. I felt like people were judging me, but I did. Instead of going to the grocery store at 2:00 in the morning, I was going at noon. When everyone's there for OCD, it was like, I didn't want to sit in public places. I didn't want to be around people that I felt I could potentially harm. My point is like every single day, I was doing work, I was tracking it, I was keeping track, and I had to do that because I needed to do that in order to get better based on the setup that I had. I do want to also say a caveat. I always have the biggest empathy for people or sympathy for people that are a CEO of a company or like a parent and have a lot of children, or it's like you're busy working all day and you're trying to balance stuff. I mean, the only good thing that came from being housebound is I didn't have a lot of responsibilities. I didn't have a family. I wasn't running a company. I wasn't working. So, I did have the free time to do the treatment. So, I have such sympathy for people that are parents or working at a company, or trying to start their own small business and trying to do treatment too. But I promise you, you don't have to put your recovery first forever. Really dive into it, get to that place where you're really, really stable. It'll still be a priority, but then you will be a better parent, a better employee, a better friend once you've really got your mental health to a level that you can start to support others. You may need to support yourself first, like the analogy with a mask on the plane. ROADBLOCK #5: YOU HAVE A FIXED MINDSET Kimberley: Agreed. That's such an important point. All right, we're moving on to roadblock number five. This is yours again, Chris. Tell us about the importance of specific mindsets, particularly a fixed mindset being the biggest roadblock. Chris: One of the things that makes me the most sad about people having a mental health condition because of how insidious they are is it starts to have people lose their sense of identity. It has them start to almost re-identify who they are, and it becomes a very fixed mindset. So, if you have social anxiety or social phobia, it's like, “Oh, I'm somebody that's not good around people. I say embarrassing things. I never know what kind of conversation to lead with. I should probably just not be around people.” Or, let's say generalized anxiety. “Deadlines really caused me too much strain. I can't really go back to school.” BDD. “I'm an unattractive person. Nobody wants to date me. I'm unlovable.” We get into these fixed mindsets and we start to identify with them, and inevitably, that person's life becomes smaller and smaller and smaller. So, the more they identify with it, the more that they become isolated from others, and they have this very fixed mindset. I think of like OCD, for instance, isn't really about guidelines; it's all about rules. This is how things are supposed to be. What happens is when I work with a client specifically, somebody that's pretty severe, it's trying to get them to see the value in treatment and to even tap into their own personal values is really difficult. It's like, “Treatment doesn't work. I've tried all the medications. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm just not somebody that can get better.” SOLUTION #5: GROWTH MINDSET What I tell clients instead is, “Let's be open. Let's be curious. Let's move into a growth mindset. Let's focus on learning, obtaining education, being open to new concepts. Look, when you were younger and the OCD didn't really attack you, or when you were younger and you didn't deal with social anxiety, you were having friends, you had birthday parties, you were going to school, and everything. Maybe that's the real you, and it's not that you lost it. You just have this disorder that's blocked you from it.” And so, when clients become open and curious and willing to learn, willing to try new things, and to get out of their comfort zone, that's where the growth really happens. If you're listening to this podcast or watching it right now and you're determined like, “This isn't working; nothing can help me,” that fixed mindset is never something that's going to get you from where you are to where you want to be. You have to have that growth, that learning, that trying new things, expanding. I always tell clients, “If you try something with your therapist and it doesn't work, awesome. That's one other thing that doesn't work. Move on to something else.” That openness. What I always love after treatment is people are like, “I am social. I do love to be around people. I am somebody who likes animals. I just was avoiding animals because of harm thoughts.” People start to get back into who they really are as soon as they start to be more open to recovery. Kimberley: Yeah, for sure. The biggest fixed mindset thought that I hear is, “I can't handle it.” That thought alone gets in the way of recovery so many times. We go to do an exposure, “I can't handle this.” Or, “What if I have a panic attack? I cannot handle panic attacks.” It's so fixed. So I often agree with you. I will often say, this work, this mental health work, or this human work that we do is shifting the way we see ourselves and life as an experiment. We always have these black-and-white beliefs like “I can't handle this” or “I can't do this. I can't get in an elevator. I can't speak public speaking,” or whatever it might be. But let's be curious. Like you said, let's use it as an experiment. Let's try, and we'll see. Maybe it doesn't go great. That's okay, like you said, but then we know we have data, and then we have information on what got in the way, and we have some information. I think that even just being able to identify when you're in a fixed mindset can be all you need just to be like, “Oh, okay, I'm having a very black-and-white fixed mindset.” Learning how to laugh and giggle at the way our brain just gets so determined and black-and-white, like you can't do this, as you said, I think is so important because, like you said, once you get to recovery, then you go on to live your life and actually do the things that you dream, the dream that you're talking about. It might be you want to get a master's degree or you might want to go for a job, or you want to go on a date. You're going to be able to use that strong mindset for any situation in life. It applies to anything that you're going to conquer. I always say to clients, if you've done treatment for mental health, you are so much more prepared than every student in college because they haven't gone through, they haven't had to learn those skills. Chris: Yeah, no, exactly. I remember like my open mindset was one of the assets I had in recovery. I remember going to therapy and being like, “I'm just going to listen. These people clearly know what they're doing. They've helped people like me. Why would it be any different?” And I was open. I can see the difference with clients that have a more growth mindset. They come in, they're scared. They're worried. They've been doing something for 10, 15, 16 years, and they're like, “Why is this guy going to tell me to try to do different things or to think different or have different thinking patterns?” But they're open. I always see those people hit that finish line first. It's the clients that come and shut down. The family system has been supporting this like learned helplessness. Nobody really wants to rock the boat. Everything shut down and closed. It's like prying it open, as most of the work. And then we finally get to the work, but we could have gotten there quicker. Everybody's at their own pace, but I really hope that people hear this, though, are focused on that openness. You were talking about like people thinking they can't handle it. The other thing I hear sometimes is people just don't think they deserve it. “I just don't even deserve to get better.” You do. You do. That's what I love about my job the most. Everybody that comes into my office, and I'm like, “You deserve a better life than you're living. Whatever it is you want to do. You want to be a vet. How many animals are you going to save just by getting into being a vet? You got to do it.” My heart breaks a little bit when people have been dealing with mental health for long enough that they start to believe they don't even deserve to get better. SOLUTION #6: IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO DO HARD THINGS Kimberley: I love that. So, we had five roadblocks, and we've covered it, but we promised six strategies. I want to be the one to deliver the last one, which everyone who listens already knows what I'm going to say, but I'm going to say it for the sake that it's so important for your recovery, which is, it's a beautiful day to do hard things. It is so important that you shift, as we talked about in the roadblock number one, you shift your mindset away from “I can't do hard things” to “It's okay to do hard things.” It doesn't mean you've failed. Life can be hard. I say to all my patients, life is 50/50 for everybody. It's 50% easy and 50% hard. I think some people have it harder than others. But the ones who seem to do really well and have that grit and that survivor's mindset are the ones who aren't destroyed by the day when it is hard. They're willing to do the hard thing. They're okay to march into uncertainty. They're willing to do the hard thing for the payoff. They're willing to take a short-term discomfort for the long-term relief or the long-term payout. I think that mindset can change the game for people, particularly if you think of it like a marathon. Like, I just have to be able to finish this marathon, I'm going to do the hard thing, and think of it that way. There'll be hills, there'll be valleys, there'll be times where you want to give up, but can I just do one hard thing and then the next hard thing, and then the next hard thing? Do you have any thoughts on that? Chris: I'm glad that this is the message that you put out there. I'd say, obviously, when I think of Kim Quinlan as a friend, I think of other things and all the fun we've had together. But as a colleague, I always think of both. Obviously, self-compassion. But this idea of it's a beautiful day to do hard things, I like it because we've always talked about doing hard things as this negative thing before you came along, and by adding this idea of it's a beautiful day. When I look at all the hard things I did in my own recovery, or I see clients do hard things, there's this feeling of accomplishment, there's this feeling of growth, there's this feeling of greatness that we get. Just like you were saying, beyond the mental health conditions that I dealt with, when I start getting into real life after the mental health conditions now are more in recovery, every time I choose to do hard things, there's always such a good payoff. I was convinced I would never be able to get through school and get a degree and become a licensed therapist because I struggled with school with my perfectionism. It was difficult for me to get back in there and to humble myself and say, “Hey, you may flop and fail.” But now I'm a licensed therapist because of that willingness to do hard things. I could give a plethora of examples, but I want people to hear that doing hard things is your way of saying, “I believe in myself. I trust myself that I can accomplish things, and I'm going to tap into my support system if I need to, but I am determined, determined, determined to push myself to a level that I may not think I can.” I love when clients do that, and they always come in, they're like, “I'm so proud of myself, I can't wait to tell you what I did this weekend.” I love that. So, always remember hard things come with beautiful, beautiful, beautiful outcomes and accomplishments. Kimberley: Yeah. I think the empowerment piece, when clients do scary, hard things, or they feel their hard feelings, or they do an exposure, they'll often come in and be like, “I felt like I could do anything. I had no idea about the empowerment that comes from doing hard things.” I think we've been trained to think that if we just avoid it, we then will feel confident and strong, but it's actually the opposite. The most empowered you'll ever feel is right after you've done a really, really hard thing, even if it doesn't go perfectly. Chris: Yeah, and so much learning comes out of it. That's why I always tell clients too, going back to one of our first roadblocks, beating yourself up prevents the learning. Let's say you try something and it doesn't go well. I was talking to a colleague of ours who I really, really like. She was telling me how her first treatment center failed. Now she's doing really well for herself down in San Diego. She's like, “I just didn't know things, and I just did things wrong, and I learned from it, and now I'm doing well.” It's like, whenever we look at something not going the way we'd like as an opportunity to learn and collect data, it just makes us that much better when we try it the other time. A lot of times these anxiety disorders were originally before treatment, hopefully trying to find ways to avoid our way through life—tough words—and trying to figure out, like, how can I always be small and avoid and still get to where I want to be? When people hear this from your podcast—it's a beautiful day to do hard things—I hope that they recognize that you don't have to live an avoidant lifestyle, an isolated lifestyle anymore. Really challenging yourself and doing hard things is actually going to be so rewarding. It's incredible what outcomes come with it. Kimberley: Amazing. Well, Chris, thank you so much for doing this with me again. We finally stamped it into the podcast, which makes me so happy. Tell us where people can hear about you, get in contact with you, and learn more about what you do. Chris: I am really active in the International OCD Foundation. I'm one of their board members. I also am one of their lead advocates, just meeting as somebody with the disorder. I speak on it. Then I lead some of their special interest groups. The Body Dysmorphic Disorder Special Interest Group is one of them, but I lead about four of them. One of their affiliates, OCD Southern California, I am Vice President of OCD SoCal and a board member. We do a lot of events here locally that Kim is part of, but also some virtual events that you could be a part of. And then, as a clinician, I'm a licensed clinician in Costa Mesa, California. I currently work at The Gateway Institute. You can find me either by email at my name, which is never easy to spell. So, ChrisTrondsen@GatewayOCD.com, or the best thing is on social media, whether it's Instagram, Facebook, or X, I guess we're calling it now. Just @christrondsen. You could DM me. I always like to hear from people and get people's support, and anything I can do to support people. I always love it. Kimberley: Oh my gosh, you're such a light in the community, truly. A light of hope and a light of wisdom and knowledge. I want to say, because I don't tell you this enough as your friend and as your colleague, thank you, thank you for the hope that you put out there and the information you put out there. It is so incredibly helpful for people. So, thank you. Chris: I appreciate that. I forgot to say one thing real quick. Every first, third, and fourth Wednesday of the month at 9 a.m. Pacific Standard Time on the IOCDF, all of their platforms, including iocdf.org/live, I do a free live stream with Dr. Liz McIngvale from Texas, and we have great guests like Kim Quinlan on, so please listen. But thank you for saying that. I always try to put as much of myself in the community, and you never know if people are receiving it well. I want to throw the same thing to you. I mean, this podcast has been incredible for so many. I always play some of this stuff for my clients. A lot of clients are looking for podcasts. So, thanks for all that you do. I'm really excited about this episode because I think it's something that we touch so many people. So, now to share it on a bigger scale, I'm excited about it. But thank you for your kind words. You're amazing. It's all mutual. Kimberley: Thank you. You're welcome back anytime. Chris: And we're going to get Greek food soon. It's funny [inaudible] I'm telling you. It's life-changing. Thanks, Kim. Listen to other episodes. Kimberley: Thank you.

Chrissie Hodges: Shame as a barrier to treatment for OCD (#413)

san francisco shame treatments obsessive compulsive disorder barrier hodges peer support iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 24, 2023 71:19

In episode 413 I chat with Chrissie Hodges. Chrissie is a Peer Support specialist, founder of OCD Gamechangers, and Author of ‘Pure OCD: The Invisible Side of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder'. Chrissie was awarded the hero award at the 24th IOCDF conference in San Fran. We discuss what's new with her, Chrissie's OCD research, shame and OCD, themes of OCD and their relationship to shame, the question of do themes matter, shame as a barrier to treatment, shame around taboo intrusive thoughts, and much more. Hope it helps. Show notes: https://theocdstories.com/episode/chrissie-413 The podcast is made possible by NOCD. NOCD offers effective, convenient therapy available in the US and outside the US. To find out more about NOCD, their therapy plans and if they currently take your insurance head over to https://go.treatmyocd.com/theocdstories Thanks to all our patrons for supporting our work. To sign up to our Patreon and to check out the benefits you'll receive as a Patron, visit: https://www.patreon.com/theocdstoriespodcast

PSP 341: Helping Kids with Disgust OCD themes

AT Parenting Survival Podcast: Parenting | Child Anxiety | Child OCD | Kids & Family

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 21, 2023 38:44

There are a few OCD themes that can look very different than the rest. Just right OCD and Disgust OCD themes are two of them.Parents and therapists might struggle to find the “core fear” around these themes. That is because disgust and just right themes have to do with a fear of overwhelm around a feeling.In this week's AT Parenting Survival Podcast I talk about how disgust OCD themes can show up and some alternative views being shared about how to treat disgust OCD differently than other themes.Read Richard Gallagher's article on disgust OCD in this IOCDF article.

canada australia uk online parents acast obsessive compulsive disorder themes helping kids disgust iocdf

#7 - Justin K. Hughes (Scrupulosity is OCD; OCD is Treatable)

What's the Scoop on Scrup?

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 23, 2023 45:34

I'm excited to get back into our regular episodes post-wedding with one of my favorite humans and OCD specialists! In episode #6, we are honored to have Justin K. Hughes, MA, LPC, on the podcast, where he: Describes his background & passion for this work (1:34) Defines OCD/Scrupulosity (7:47) Talks about OCD subtypes (11:30) Discusses treatment for OCD (18:02) Explores how treatment can be connected to faith/spiritual health (27:54) Dives into faith & values (36:43) Shares his “scoop on scrup” (42:36) Justin K. Hughes, MA, LPC, owner of Dallas Counseling, PLLC, is a clinician and writer, passionate about helping those impacted by OCD. He serves on the IOCDF's OCD & Faith Task Force and is the Dallas Ambassador for OCD Texas. Working with a diversity of clients, he also is dual-trained in psychology and theology, regularly helping anyone to understand the interaction between faith and OCD, most commonly Christians. Check out www.justinkhughes.com to stay in the loop and get free guides/handouts! Website - https://www.justinkhughes.com/ Instagram - @justinkhugheslpc Facebook - facebook.com/JustinKHughesLPC/ Youtube - youtube.com/@justinkhugheslpc Twitter - twitter.com/justinhugheslpc Linkedin - linkedin.com/in/justinkhughes/

christians explore obsessive compulsive disorder hughes talks shares describes lpc dives pllc scrupulosity treatable iocdf

99. OCD and Inferential Confusion: When Reality and Imagination Collide with Carl Robbins

The OCD Whisperer Podcast with Kristina Orlova

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 17, 2023 22:54

Do you ever find yourself double-checking if you locked the front door? Or perhaps you've felt the need to wash your hands repeatedly, even though you know they're already clean? These common experiences might seem like minor quirks, but for individuals with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), they can become all-consuming battles against inferential confusion. In today's episode of The OCD Whisperer Podcast, we are thrilled to be joined by Carl Robbins. During our conversation, we discuss the concept of inferential confusion in OCD, where individuals confuse their imagined possibilities with reality. Carl explains the difference between normal uncertainty and obsessional doubt in OCD, and emphasizes that OCD is always in the imagination and disconnected from relevant information in the present moment. The conversation also touches on the controversy between choosing Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) or Inference Based Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (ICBT) for treating OCD. In This Episode [01:15] The concept of inferential confusion in OCD [03:47] Differentiating normal uncertainty and obsessional doubt [08:23] How obsessional doubt manifests in checking compulsions [09:20] The difference between doubting processes in OCD and normal uncertainty in everyday situations. [10:27] How obsessional doubt arises in OCD and the role of inferential confusion in creating selective reasoning errors. [12:55] Choosing between ERP and ICBT [19:21] The concept of inferential confusion in OCD and how it relates to finding effective treatment approaches. [20:12] Different models and choices in OCD treatment. Notable Quotes [07:06] "Obsessional doubt is based 100% on my imagination, and once you cross over into the imagination, there are endless possibilities.” - Carl [15:33] “I think often people will say ERP has been around longer than ICBT... and that if it doesn't work or, you know, very often people will get a response, but they won't go into remission..” - Carl [19:58] “What's so important is to understand that nobody's wrong. These are models. These are theories that are applied to our understanding of OCD and how to treat it.” Our Guest Carl Robbins is the Director of Training and Senior Clinician at the Anxiety and Stress Disorders Institute of Maryland. With over 35 years of experience treating OCD and related disorders, Carl has been a mentee of Dr. Sally Winston and has attended multiple trainings through the IOCDF, ADAA and ABCT. He has also presented at the IOCDF and ADAA conferences on OCD and recently underwent individual training with Dr. Fred Aardema, the co-developer of Inference-based CBT for OCD. Carl is passionate about promoting the dissemination of ICBT in the US through various platforms, including consultation, teaching, lectures, social media, and podcasts. Resources & Links Kristina Orlova, LMFT https://www.instagram.com/ocdwhisperer/ https://www.youtube.com/c/OCDWhispererChannel https://www.korresults.com/ https://www.onlineocdacademy.com Carl Robbins https://www.linkedin.com/in/carl-robbins-3839039/ https://www.anxietyandstress.com/ Mentioned https://icbt.online/ **Disclaimer** Please note, while our host is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in OCD and anxiety disorders in the state of California, this podcast is for educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for therapy. Stay tuned for bi-weekly episodes filled with valuable insights and tips for managing OCD and anxiety. And remember, keep going in the meantime. See you in the next episode!

director california anxiety training reality maryland confusion imagination obsessive compulsive disorder collide cbt robbins erp differentiating inference notable quotes adaa abct inferential iocdf exposure response prevention erp

Melissa Mose: Internal Family Systems therapy and ERP for OCD (#402)

obsessive compulsive disorder family therapists erp licensed marriage ifs mose internal family systems internal family systems therapy iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 8, 2023 58:37

In episode 402 I chat with Melissa Mose. Melissa is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who treats OCD. Melissa is president of the IOCDF affiliate OCD SoCal. We discuss her therapy story, what is Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS), the idea of parts of us, merging IFS with exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP), OCD being a cluster of parts, thinking about parts of self during exposures, and much more. Hope it helps. Show notes: https://theocdstories.com/episode/melissa-402 The podcast is made possible by NOCD. NOCD offers effective, convenient therapy available in the US and outside the US. To find out more about NOCD, their therapy plans and if they currently take your insurance head over to https://go.treatmyocd.com/theocdstories Thanks to all our patrons for supporting our work. To sign up to our Patreon and to check out the benefits you'll receive as a Patron, visit: https://www.patreon.com/theocdstoriespodcast

Ep. 153: Understanding Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) with Dr. Jesse Spiegel

Diverse Thinking Different Learning

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 3, 2023 31:04

Over the last few years, we've seen a noticeable increase in anxiety and anxiety disorders in children and adolescents. And we've talked about anxiety many times on the Diverse Thinking Different Learning Podcast. But one thing we haven't discussed yet is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder or OCD. This is a topic that has been requested by listeners and I'm thrilled to have found today's guest, Dr. Jesse Spiegel, an expert on OCD. Everyone has had the occasional concern about misplacing something or has had a fear of germs or contamination. Sometimes we have a need to order and arrange things in a particular way. But when these thoughts and behaviors become intense and begin to interfere with life, they may indicate OCD. In our conversation today, Dr. Spiegel explains the major differences between obsessive behaviors and compulsions as well as common unintentional mistakes parents make with children who exhibit these behaviors. Show Notes: [2:28] - We are currently seeing a noticeable increase in anxiety in children and teens. [4:05] - OCD has two components: obsessions and compulsions. [5:48] - There are some compulsions that are observable to other people, but many compulsions are mental and unseen by others. [8:04] - Reassurance seeking is often overlooked by parents, but it is common in OCD and tends to feed the obsessions and compulsions. [10:03] - When you accommodate the child's compulsive behaviors, it actually accommodates the OCD. [11:49] - Anxiety disorders overlap in a lot of ways, but OCD is overpowering. [15:00] - Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) is a component of the treatment for OCD. Dr. Spiegel explains what this entails. [19:12] - Being over accommodating or over demanding are mistakes that a lot of parents of children with OCD make. [20:16] - Parents need to learn new ways to respond because a lot of behaviors unintentionally fuel OCD. [22:27] - Let's give a name to OCD for children. Some call it “The Worry Monster”. [24:57] - Giving it a name takes the power away from OCD. It's not who you are, but it is impacting you. [26:30] - A lot of times, kids do not want to be in therapy. Dr. Spiegel describes some ways to provide motivation. About Our Guest: Dr. Jesse Spiegel is a licensed clinical psychologist treating children, adolescents, and adults. He works in private practice in Los Angeles, CA, where he specializes in treating OCD, anxiety, insomnia, and behavioral-related problems. In addition to utilizing CBT and exposure-based therapies, Dr. Spiegel takes a family-based approach when working with clients. Dr. Spiegel is a clinical instructor at UCLA's David Geffen School of Medicine's Department of Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences. He is the Vice Chair of the Anxiety Depression Association of America's (ADAA) OCD SIG. Dr. Spiegel is a graduate of the IOCDF's Behavioral Therapy Training Institute (BTTI), as well as the Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) program. Connect with Dr. Jesse Spiegel: Dr. Jesse Spiegel's Website Email: drjessespiegel@gmail.com Links and Related Resources: Anxiety and the Family Anxiety and Depression in Adolescents Episode 67: Your Child's Anxiety - When to Worry with Dr. Piacentini Connect with Us: Get on our Email List Book a Consultation Get Support and Connect with a ChildNEXUS Provider Check out some amazing schools for incredible students The Diverse Thinking Different Learning podcast is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical or legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Additionally, the views and opinions expressed by the host and guests are not considered treatment and do not necessarily reflect those of ChildNEXUS, Inc or the host, Dr. Karen Wilson.

america los angeles giving anxiety parents depression medicine worry ucla disorders obsessive compulsive disorder psychiatry vice chair spiegel cbt reassurance your child us get david geffen school about our guest dr karen wilson website email biobehavioral sciences iocdf exposure response prevention erp childnexus

25. From College Dropout to Graduate Student: Navigating Graduate School Applications & Admissions as a Nontraditional Student

A Chat with Uma

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 21, 2023 99:35

On episode 25 of A Chat with Uma, I share my full journey of applying for graduate school as a non-traditional student with a very divergent & complicated academic + personal history. I share my experience in full detail of applying for clinical psychology Ph.D programs earlier on in my academic journey, and how + why I ultimately chose to pursue my masters in neuroscience. I discuss how vastly different my experience was as a student whose path was so divergent from anyone around me, and the resulting confusion about my future & chances due to having no basis + reference point about my own journey. I explain how I navigated the ambiguity of applying to Ph.D programs with my unique journey, and why I ultimately decided to try. I speak at length about every detail of my application experience as a non-traditional student: including disclosure in personal statements, my CV, internet/social media "outing," recommendation letters, interviews, and more. This episode serves to provide evidence & hope that pursuing academic endeavors as a non-traditional student with a divergent past IS possible. I share all of my advice, empowerment, experiences, and honest reflections from my experiences in the hopes that others feel valid & hopeful about forcing their own paths with their unique lived experiences. Topics Discussed (+ timestamps): (00:00:00) Intro & overview of episode (00:07:48) Update: ⁠Video + event recording repository⁠ of many past events (00:10:18) UPCOMING EVENT: Hosting IOCDF's Community Conversations - Tues. 9/26, 7 ET Link to attend (00:11:35) EVENT REPLAY: Co-hosted IOCDF's Community Conversations with Tom Smalley Link to watch (00:12:23) EVENT REPLAY: IOCDF Diversity Roundtable on Suicide Prevention - with Dr. Darlene Davis Goodwine, Krista Reed, & Erika McCoy ⁠Link to watch⁠ (00:14:08) UPCOMING EVENT: Online IOCDF OCD Conference 2023 & ticket giveaway! Register here Email for ticket giveaway: hello@umarchatterjee.com (00:16:55 ) Brief background from my undergraduate degree & considering next steps Contextual episodes: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠01. My Full Story: 0 to 26⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 02-04. My Mental Health Journey: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Part 1⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠Part 2⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠Part 3⁠⁠⁠⁠ (00:23:33) Applying to grad school the first time Psychology Ph.D programs & my neuroscience M.S. program How & why I chose the neuroscience M.S. The major influence my non-traditional path played in this application cycle (00:32:46) Starting my masters degree in neuroscience My extremely unique experience as a non-traditional student The prescribed, typical path around me vs. my very divergent path Confusion around what was possible for my future (00:41:55) The wide range of evaluations & judgments I received due to my unprecedented, non-traditional academic path (00:45:48) How and why I decided to apply to Neuroscience Ph.D programs, in spite of the odds; How I "broke the rules" of the typical application process (00:51:38) How I specifically chose schools, programs, and mentors as a non-traditional student (01:02:53) How I "broke the rules" in navigating disclosure + talking about my non-traditional path as an applicant Statements & essays My CV My exposure & disclosure on the internet + social media What I shared vs. what I didn't share (01:16:48) Recommendation letters: How I chose recommenders How I asked recommenders How I shared my history/past with them The resources I created to optimize my chances as a non-traditional student (01:26:36) Ph.D Interviews: how they went, how I navigated disclosure, the results of my applications, closing out the episode Connect with me! My website⁠: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠umarchatterjee.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Instagram:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@UmaRChatterjee⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@UmaRChatterjee⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@UmaRChatterjee⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠hello@umarchatterjee.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Support my work: ⁠https://ko-fi.com/umarchatterjee⁠ Have a guest you want on the show? Fill out the ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Guest Suggestion Form!⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/umarchatterjee/message

tiktok navigating register fill confusion recommendations uma chat applications cv statements suicide prevention graduate schools admissions nontraditional college dropout graduate students community conversations iocdf

Faith and OCD with Dr. Elizabeth McIngvale

Curiously with Ericka Graham

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 13, 2023 45:02

In this episode, Ericka Graham sits down with Dr. Elizabeth McIngvale to discuss her own OCD diagnosis, and exchange stories about what it means to surrender and live a life of faith and recovery. Dr. Elizabeth McIngvale, Ph.D. is the director of the OCD Institute of Texas and adjunct faculty at Baylor College of Medicine. Elizabeth founded the Peace of Mind foundation and OCDChallenge.org (a self-help website for OCD), both now within the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF). Elizabeth was the first-ever national spokesperson for the IOCDF where she now serves as a board member and national advocate. She was diagnosed with OCD at 12 and engaged in inpatient and outpatient therapy. Dr. McIngvale engages in clinical work, research and advocacy with the goal of improving access to care and treatment for those living with OCD. show links: instagram: @drlizocdhttps://ocditexas.com/staff/elizabeth-mcingvale/https://peaceofmind.com/what-we-do/about-elizabeth/https://iocdf.org

texas peace mind medicine obsessive compulsive disorder baylor college iocdf

#5 - Rabbi Noah Tile (The Theological Side of OCD Treatment)

What's the Scoop on Scrup?

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 7, 2023 44:56

In episode #5, we are honored to have Rabbi Noah Tile on the podcast, where he: Describes his background & passion for this work (1:21) Defines OCD/Scrupulosity (11:59) Discusses treatment for OCD (20:00) Explores how treatment can be connected to faith (24:26) Shares about OCD in the Jewish community & his new support group beginning September 12 (38:45) Shares his “scoop on scrup” (40:41) Noah is a Registered Psychotherapist, academic coach, Rabbi and Co-Founder of a Canadian student mental health company called Resolvve (www.resolvve.ca). Resolvve is a low-cost, student-focused therapy platform, that provides integrative support for mental health, academic success, and personal growth. The platform also offers educational and social-emotional learning (SEL) tools, while building community through its support groups for students, parents, and educators. In private practice, Noah specializes in the treatment of OCD and ADHD. In addition, Noah is passionate about integrating spirituality with mental health and is a part of the International OCD Foundation's (IOCDF) faith and OCD task force to create positive change, working alongside both Jewish and non-Jewish faith leaders and practitioners across the world. Website - www.resolvve.ca Instagram - @resolvvementalhealth Jewish OCD Support Group led by Rabbi Noah - Sign Up Here

canadian co founders explore jewish adhd treatments obsessive compulsive disorder rabbi theological shares describes sel tile registered psychotherapist international ocd foundation ocd treatment iocdf rabbi noah

14 Things You Should Say to a Loved One with Anxiety | Ep. 350

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 18, 2023 21:07

Welcome back, everybody. This is a last-minute episode. I usually am really on schedule with my plan for the podcast and what I want to do, but I have recently got back from vacation and I have been summoned to jury duty. For my own self-care, the idea of going to this master plan that I created for all of the other episodes that I do a lot of planning and a lot of prep and really think it through today, I was like, “I deeply need this episode to land on my own heart.” This is as much for me as it is for you, and it is a community effort, which also was very helpful for me. As you may know, I'm a huge proponent of self-compassion, which isn't just having bubble baths and lighting a candle. It's actually stopping and asking, “What do you need in this moment?” And I really dropped in and I was like, “I need this to be really simple, really easy, and I need this to be also something that will land.” Let's do it. Today, we're talking about the 14 things you should say to a loved one with anxiety. I asked everyone on Instagram to weigh in on what they need to hear, and the response was so beautiful, it actually brought me to tears. I am going to share with you the 14 things that you should say to a loved one with anxiety, and I'm also going to talk about, it's not just what we say. I was thinking about this the other day. When we're anxious, the advice we get can make us feel very soothed and validated, or it can feel really condescending. Saying “stop worrying” can be really condescending. It can make us enraged. But if someone so gently says, “Listen, don't worry, I got you.” You know what I mean? The tone makes a huge difference. For those of you who are family members or loved ones who are listening to this, to really get some nuggets on what they can do to support their loved one, remember that the tone and the intent are really 80% of the work. That is so, so important. Here we go. Let's go through them. I AM HERE FOR YOU. The first thing you should say to a loved one with anxiety is, “I am here for you.” The beauty of this is it's not saying, “How can I make your discomfort go away?” It's not saying, “What should we do to fix this and make you stop talking about it and stop having pain about it?” It's just saying, “I'm here, I'm staying in my lane and I'm going to be there to support you.” It's beautiful. HOW CAN I SUPPORT YOU? The second thing you could say to a loved one with anxiety is, and this is actually my all-time favorite, this is probably the thing I say the most to my loved ones when they're anxious or going through a difficult time, “How can I support you?” It's not saying, “What can I do?” It's not saying, again, “How can I fix you?” or “Let's get rid of it.” It's just saying, “What is it that you need? Because the truth is, I don't know what you need and I'm not going to pretend I do because what may have worked for you last week mightn't work this week.” That's really important to remember. How can I support you? YOU ARE NOT BAD FOR EXPERIENCING THIS. The third thing you could say to a loved one with anxiety is, “You are not bad for experiencing this.” So often when we are going through a hard time, we're having strong emotions. We then have secondary shame and blame and guilt for having it. We feel guilty, we feel weak, we feel silly, we feel selfish, we feel juvenile for struggling—often based on what we were told in childhood or in our early days about having emotions. We can really start to feel bad for having it. Or for you folks with OCD or intrusive thoughts, you might feel bad because of the content of your obsessions. Now let's pause here for a second and be very clear. We also have to recognize that we don't want to be providing reassurance for our loved ones with OCD and intrusive thoughts because, while giving them reassurance might make them feel better for the short term and might make you feel like you're really a great support person, it probably is reinforcing and feeding the disorder and making it worse. So in no way here am I telling you to tell your loved ones like, “You're not bad. You're not going to do the thing that you think you're going to do,” or “That fear is not going to come true.” We don't want to go down that road because that's going to become compulsive and high in accommodation. Those two things can really, really make your OCD and intrusive thoughts much, much, much worse. But we can validate them that having a single emotion like anxiety, shame, anger, sadness does not make them a bad person. So, so important. THINGS WILL GET BETTER... THIS WILL NOT LAST FOREVER. The fourth thing you should say to a loved one with anxiety is, “Things will get better,” and another thing that the folks on Instagram said is, “This will not last forever.” This was something that was said many, many times. I pulled together the main common themes here. But what I loved about this is they were bringing in the temporary nature of anxiety, which is a mindfulness concept, which is, this is a temporary experience that this anxiety will not last forever. Again, pay attention to the tone here. Telling them “This won't last long” or “This won't last forever” in a way that devalues their experience or disqualifies their experience, or invalidates their experience isn't what we're saying here. What they're saying is, they're really leading them towards a skill of recognizing that yes, this is hard, we're not denying it. Yes, this is hard, but things will get better or that this won't last forever. The thing I love about “Things will get better” is, so often when we have anxiety, and we recently did an episode about this—when you have invasive anxiety all the time, you can start to feel depressed about the future. You can start to feel helpless and hopeless about the future. Offering to them “This will get better with steps and together we'll do this and we'll support you and we'll take baby steps,” that can really help reduce that depressive piece of what they're experiencing. YOU HAVE GOTTEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE. The fifth thing you should say to a loved one with anxiety is, “You have gotten through this before.” Now, that reminds them of their strength and courage. Even if they've never done this scary thing before, chances are, they've done other scary things before or other really difficult things in their life. Often I'll say to patients when they're new to treatment, “Tell me about a time where you did something you actually didn't think you could do.” It's usually things like, “I ran a marathon,” or “I rode a bike up this really steep hill and I couldn't do it forever. And then one weekend I built up and I could,” or “I never thought I would pass this one exam and I'd failed it multiple times and I finally did.” It helps us to really see that you are a courageous, resilient person, that you've gotten through hard things before. Again, we're not saying it in a sense of urgency like, “Get up and do the hard things because you've done them before.” We are really dropping into their experience. We're really honoring their experience. We're not rushing them too much. I have learned as a parent of a kid who hates needles, this is the biggest lesson for me because I'm an exposure therapist. I'm like, “Let's go, let's face our fear.” I've learned to trust my child. When we go in to get vaccinations or immunizations, my child says, “Mama, I'm going to do it, but you have to let me do this at my pace.” I was like, “Wow, you're quite the little wise one.” It was so profound to me that I was pushing them too fast, going, “Let's just get it over with. Once you're done, you'll feel so much better.” They really needed to slow it down and be like, “I'm going to do it. It's just going to be at my own pace.” I digress. I AM PROUD OF HOW HARD YOU ARE TRYING. The sixth thing you should say to a loved one with anxiety, and you don't have to say all of these by the way, but number six is, “I am proud of how hard you are trying.” I loved this because it, number one, validates that they're going through a hard thing. It also encourages and recognizes that they are trying their best. Often we make the mistake of saying, “You could be doing a little better.” The truth is, yeah, you will be doing better in the future, but you're doing the best you can right now with what you have, so do really say, “I'm proud of how hard you are trying.” One thing I've also learned, and I learned this from another clinician once, is this clinician taught me. She says, “I never tell my patients how proud I am of them.” She says, “I always say, you must be so proud of how hard you are trying.” She said that because that gives them ownership of being proud. It gives them permission to be proud. I have learned in many clinical settings with patients to say that. Not all the time, sometimes I just straight up say, “I'm so proud of you.” I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But you might even want to play around with this nuanced change in this sentence of, “I'm so proud of how hard you are trying and you must be so proud of how hard you are trying.” So powerful the use of words here. LET'S LISTEN TO STORIES OF OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE GOTTEN THROUGH THIS. The seventh thing you need to say to a loved one who has anxiety is, “Let's listen to stories of other people who have gotten through this.” The person who wrote this in, I loved it because they actually gave some context of them saying, “In a moment where I don't think I can do the scary thing, sometimes hearing other stories of people who have done this work is exactly what I need to remind myself that I can do this hard thing.” This is how they did it, and I have the same skills that they do. I'm the same human that they are. They're no better or worse than me. If you go back, there's tons of stories and OCD stories that you can look at on Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast or OCD stories or other podcasts, or even IOCDF live streams of other people's stories that can be inspiring to you. I WILL DO THE DISHES TONIGHT. The eighth thing you should say to a loved one with anxiety is, I loved this one, “I will do the dishes tonight.” I loved this one. They actually put a smiley face emoji after it because really what they're saying is, “You need a break and I'm going to be the break you need.” It's not to say, again, that we're going to accommodate you and we're going to do all your jobs and chores for you. All they're saying is, “I can see anxiety's taking a lot of space for you. As you work through that—not to do compulsions, but as you work through that and navigate that using your mindfulness and your ERP and your willingness and your act and all of the skills you have—as you do that, I'm going to take a little bit of the slack and I'm going to do the dishes tonight.” I just loved this. I would never have thought to include that. I thought that was really, really cute. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO TAKE THIS TIME AND THIS SPACE. The ninth thing you should say to a loved one with anxiety is, “You are allowed to take this time and this space.” I thought that was really a beautiful way. Quite a few people said something similar like, “You're allowed to struggle at this time. It's okay that you're having this discomfort. I'm going to give you some space to just feel your feelings. Be uncomfortable if that's what you're doing. Bring on the loving kindness and the compassion, and I'm actually going to give you space to do that. You're allowed to take this time. You're allowed to take up this space with these emotions.” As somebody who, myself, struggles with that, I feel like I should tie my emotions up and put them in a pretty bow. I really felt this one really landed on me. It was exactly what I needed to hear as well. Thank you, guys. YOU DO NOT NEED TO SOLVE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW. YOU CAN PACE YOURSELF THROUGH THIS. The tenth thing you should say to a loved one with anxiety is, “You do not need to solve everything right now. You can pace yourself through this.” There's two amazing things I love about this, which is number one, reminding us that we can be uncertain, that we can be patient, that we can let this one sort of lay it down, sit down. We don't have to tend to it right now, we can just let it be there. We're going to go about our time. Absolutely. And that you can pace yourself in that. Often I get asked questions like, “I just want to get it all done right now. I just want to get all my exposures done and I want to face all my fears and I want to have all the emotions and get them over and done with.” You can pace yourself through this. I think that's so important to remember. WHAT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU RIGHT NOW? The eleventh thing that you should say to a loved one with anxiety is—this is actually not something you'd say, it's actually something you would ask. They'd say, “I need them to ask me, what's important to you right now.” I think this is beautiful because instead of supporting them, you're really just directing them towards their north star of their values. “If you're anxious, let me just be a prompt for you of, what's important to you right now.” So cool. It's really helping them, especially you guys know when we're anxious, we can't think straight. It's so hard to concentrate, it's all blurry and things are confusing. Sometimes being given a prompt to help direct us back to those values is so, so important. I BELIEVE YOU. The twelfth thing that you should say to a loved one with anxiety is, “I believe you.” Really what we're saying here is, “I believe that this is really hard for you. You're not trying to attention seek. I believe that you're struggling.” This was a big one, especially for those people who have a chronic illness. As someone with a chronic illness, so many people kept saying, “Are you sure it's not in your head? Are you sure it's not anxiety? Maybe you're seeking attention.” For people to say, “I believe you, I believe what you're experiencing. I believe that this is really hard for you,” I think that that is so powerful and probably the deepest level of seeing someone authentically and vulnerably. All right, we're getting close to the end here guys. You have held in strong. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK AND YOU HAVE GOT THIS. The thirteenth thing you should say to a loved one with anxiety is, “You are stronger than you think and you have got this.” So good. Again, similar to what we've talked about in the past, but it's reminding them of their strengths, reminding them of their courage, reminding them of their resilience. Sometimes when we're anxious, we doubt ourselves, we doubt our ability to do the hard thing. They're saying, “You've got this. Let's go. Come on, you've got this.” But again, not in a way that's demeaning or condescending, or invalidating. It's a cheerleading voice. I KNOW YOU CAN RESIST THESE COMPULSIONS. The fourteenth thing you should say to a loved one with anxiety, but I do have a bonus one of course, is,” I know you can resist these compulsions.” This is for the folks who have OCD and who do struggle with doing these compulsions. Or if you have an eating disorder, it might be, “I know you can resist restriction or binging or purging,” or whatever the behavior is. Maybe if you have an addiction, “I know you can resist these urges.” Same with hair pulling and skin picking. It's really reinforcing to them that, “I know you can do this. I know you can resist this urge or compulsion, whatever it may be.” Again, it gives us a north star to remind ourselves what are we actually here to do. Because when we're anxious, our default is like, “How can I get away from this as fast as possible?” Sometimes we do need a direction change of like, “No, the goal is to reduce these safety behaviors.” BONUS: IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO DO HARD THINGS. These are so beautiful. I'm going to add mine in at the end and you guys know what I'm going to say. We almost need a drum roll, but we don't need a drum roll because I'm going to say that the 15th thing that I always say to any loved one, including myself with anxiety, is, “It's a beautiful day to do hard things. It's a beautiful day to do freaking hard things. It's a beautiful day to do the hardest thing.” I say that because it reminds me to look at the beauty of it, to look at the reward of it, and to remind myself that yes, we can do hard things. My friends, thank you for allowing this to be a nice, soft landing for me today. I know I have to rearrange all the schedule and my podcast editor and my executive assistant is going to have to help me with all of the mix-up and mess around. But I'm grateful for the opportunity just to slow down with you this week. Take a deep breath. Drop into what do I need. I hope you're doing that for yourself. I will see you next week back on schedule and I cannot wait to talk with you there. Have a wonderful day everybody, and talk to you soon.

anxiety drop mama offering obsessive compulsive disorder loved ones erp iocdf i believe you your anxiety toolkit

#139 - Sneaky Ways OCD Shows Up in Parenthood with Alexandra Reynolds

llc obsessive compulsive disorder copyright parenthood reynolds sneaky managing anxiety intrusive thoughts jenna overbaugh iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 17, 2023 37:00

In this episode, I'm joined by Alexandra Reynolds, IOCDF advocate, OCD warrior, mom, and so much more. We discuss.. - the sneaky, unconventional ways in which OCD shows up in parenthood - the difficulty of never having certainty with raising kids - the importance of self-compassion as a parent with OCD Follow Alex on Instagram @alexandraisobsessed Head to my website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠www.jennaoverbaughlpc.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ to sign up for my free e-mail newsletter, grab your free "Imagine Your Recovered Life" PDF, and download your free “5 Must Know Strategies for Managing Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts” video + access expertly crafted masterclasses just for you. Course and more coming soon! Remember: this podcast is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as mental health or medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional advice of your own professional mental health or medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or medical or mental health professional before trying or implementing any information read here. Copyright 2023 Jenna Overbaugh, LLC

Thriving in Relationships with OCD (with Ethan Smith and Rev. Katie O'Dunne) | Ep. 346

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 21, 2023 54:12

Kimberley: My tummy already hurts from laughing too much. I'm so excited to have you guys on. Today, we are talking about thriving in relationships with OCD and we have Rev. Katie O'Dunne and Ethan Smith. I'd love for you both to do a quick intro. Katie, will you go first? Katie: Yeah, absolutely. My name is Reverend Katie O'Dunne. I always like to tell folks that I always have Reverend in my title because I want individuals to know that ordained ministers and chaplains can in fact have OCD. But I am super informal and really just go by Katie. I am an individual who works at the intersection between faith and OCD, helping folks navigate what's religious scrupulosity versus what is true authentic faith. I'm also an OCD advocate on my own journey, helping individuals try to figure out what it looks like for them to move towards their values when things are really, really tough. Outside of being a chaplain and faith in OCD specialist and advocate, I'm also an ultramarathon runner, tackling 50 ultramarathons in 50 states for OCD. As we get into stuff with Ethan today, Ethan is my biggest cheerleader throughout all of those races. I'm sure we'll talk all about that too, running towards our values together. Ethan: My name is Ethan Smith. Katie is my fiancé. I'm a national advocate for the International OCD Foundation, a filmmaker by trade, and a staunch advocate of all things OCD-related disorders. Definitely, my most important role is loving Katie and being her biggest cheerleader. Katie: Since you said that, one of my things too, I am the fiancé of Ethan Smith. Sorry. Ethan: Please note that this is an afterthought. It's totally fine. Kimberley: No, she knew you were coming in with it. She knew. Ethan: Yeah, I was coming in hot. Yup, all good. WHAT IS IT LIKE BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WITH OCD? Kimberley: Thank you both for being on. I think that you are going to offer an opportunity for people to, number one, thriving in Relationships with OCD, but you may also bring some insight on how we can help educate our partners even if they don't have OCD and how they may be able to manage and navigate having a partner with OCD. I'm so excited to have you guys here. Thank you for being on. Can you first share, is it easier or harder to be in a relationship with someone with OCD? For you having OCD? Ethan: I'll let Katie start and then I'll end. Katie: Yes. No, I think it's both. I think there are pros and cons where I think for so long being in relationships with individuals who didn't have OCD, I desperately wanted someone to understand the things that I was going through, the things that I was experiencing, the intensity of my intrusive thoughts. I was in so many relationships where individuals felt like, well, you can just stop thinking about this, or you can just stop engaging in compulsions. That's not how it works. It has been so helpful to have a partner through my journey who understands what I'm going through that can really say, “I actually get it and I'm here with you in the midst of that.” But I always like to be honest that that can also be really, really challenging where there are sometimes points, at least for me, having OCD with a partner with OCD, where if we are having a tough point at the same time, that can be really tough. It can also be really tough on a different level when I see Ethan struggling, not reassuring him even more so because I know how painful it is and I want so badly to take that away. There are times that that can feed into my own journey with OCD when I see him struggling, that my OCD latches onto his content, vice versa. There's this amazing supportive aspect, but then there's also this piece I think that we have to really be mindful of OCD feeding off of each other. Ethan: I was just making notes as you were-- no, go ahead. Kimberley: No, go ahead, Ethan. I'm curious to know your thoughts. Ethan: Katie made all great points, and I agree. I mean, on the surface, it makes a lot of sense and it seems like it's fantastic that we both can understand each other and support each other in really meaningful and value-driven ways. I always like to say that we met because of OCD, but it by no means defines our relationship or is at the heart of our relationship. It's not why we work. It's not what holds us together. I think Katie brings up two good points. First of all, when I would speak and advocate with parents and significant others and things like that, and they would say, “I'm having a really hard time not reassuring and not enabling,” I'd be like, “Just don't, you're making them sicker. Just say what you got to say and be tough about it.” Then I got in a serious relationship with Katie and she was suffering and hurting, and I was like, “Oh my God, I can't say hard things to her.” I became that person. I suddenly understood how hard it is to not engage OCD and to say things that aren't going to make her comfortable. I struggle with that. I struggle with standing my ground after a certain amount of time and wanting to desperately give in and just make her feel better. I just want her to feel better. For me personally, I lived alone for 10 years prior to meeting Katie, and those 10 years followed my successful treatment and recovery from OCD. For me, my mother was my safe person. I learned during treatment and therapy that you don't talk about your OCD around your parents anymore. You just don't. That's not a conversation you have. I found myself, other than within therapy, not ever talking about my OCD. I mean, advocacy, yes, but my own thoughts, I never talked about it. Starting to start a relationship with Katie, I suddenly had someone that understood, which was wonderful, but it also opened up an opportunity for OCD to seek reassurance. I'm an indirect reassurance seeker. I don't ask for it as a question; I simply state what's on my mind, and just putting it out there is reassuring enough for me. For instance, like, “Oh, this food tastes funny.” Whether she says it does or it doesn't, I really don't care. I just want her to know that I think that it does, and it could be bad. I think this is bad. I'm not saying, “Do you think it's bad?” I'm like, “I think it's bad. I think there's something wrong with this.” I've had to really work and catch myself vocalizing my OCD symptoms because having a partner that understands has given my OCD permission to vocalize and want to talk about it. That honestly has been the biggest challenge for me in this relationship. NAVIGATING OCD REASSURANCE SEEKING IN RELATIONSHIPS Kimberley: So interesting how OCD can work its way in, isn't it? And it is true. I mean, I think about in my own marriage, at the end of the day, you do want to share with someone like, “This was hard for me today.” You know what I mean? That makes it very complicated in that if you're unable to do that. That's really interesting. Let's jump straight to that reassurance seeking piece. How do you guys navigate, or do you guys create rules for the relationship? How are you thriving in Relationships with OCD related to reassurance seeking or any compulsion for that matter? Katie: A couple different things. I think part of it for us, and we by no means do this perfectly, I'd have to have conversations about it even-- yes, Ethan, you might do it perfectly, but even in the last week, we've had conversations about this where what Ethan responds well to is very different from what I respond well to. I think that is really important to note, especially when there's two partners with OCD, that it's not one size fits all. It's not because I understand OCD that I know exactly how to respond to him. It's still a conversation. For me, I respond really well if I'm seeking reassurance or I'm struggling to a lot of compassion where he doesn't respond to the content, but tells me, “I know that this is really hard. This sounds a lot like OCD right now, but let's sit with it together. I know that it sucks, but we can be in the midst of this. We aren't going to talk about it anymore, but I love you. We're going to watch a show. We're going to do whatever it is we're going to do, we're going to be in it together.” I respond really well to that. Ethan, on the other hand, does not respond quite as well to that and actually responds better to me being like, “Hey, stop talking about that. We are not going to talk about this right now. I have heard this from you so many times today. No, no, no, no.” He responds in a harsher tone. That's really hard for me because that is not naturally what comes out of me, nor what is helpful for me. Sometimes the compassion that I offer to Ethan becomes inherently reassuring and is just not something that's helpful for him, so we have to have these conversations. Vice versa, sometimes when I'm really struggling, he'll forget the compassion piece works for me and is like, “Hey, Katie, no. Stop doing that.” I'm like, “Seriously? This is really hard.” Being able to have those conversations. Kimberley: How do those conversations look, Ethan? Can you share whatever you're comfortable sharing? Ethan: Yeah. Katie hit over the head, first of all. We are definitely products of our therapists when we're struggling. For those of you that may or may not know, Katia Moritz, she is hardcore, like here's what it is, and I'm a product of that. There's like, “Nope, we're not going to do it. We're not going to have it. OCD is black and white, don't compulse, period. End of story.” Katie is like, “Let's take a moment.” My natural instinct on how I respond to her is very different to what she needs and vice versa. We've learned that. I would say that the rule in our household is we're a no-content household. I'm not saying we succeed at that all the time, but the general rule is we're not a content household. We don't want a no content. You can say that you're struggling. You can say that you're having a hard day. You can say that OCD is really loud today. Those are all okay things. But I don't want to hear, and Katie doesn't want to hear the details because that inevitably is reassuring and compulsy and all of those things. That's our general rule. I'll talk for me, and I don't know, Katie, I'll ask you ahead of time if it's okay to share an example of our conversation, but my stuff, like I said, it's covert reassurance seeking and she does it too. We're both very covert. We're like well-therapized and we know how to-- Katie: It's really funny because I can tell when he's sneaky OCD reassurance-seeking. Nobody else in my life has ever been able to tell when I'm secretly seeking reassurance. It's actually frustrating because he can call me on it because he's really good at it too. There's some level of accountability with that. Ethan: For sure. For me, I'll get stuck on something and I'll just start verbalizing it. That's really the biggest thing I think, unless Katie has some other insight, and she may. But for me, verbalization of my thoughts, not specifically asking for a specific answer and simply saying, “Oh, my chest feels weird. I'm sure I'm dying. My heart is about to give out.” How are you going to respond to that? What are you going to say right now? And that's my system. She'll be like, “Okay, yup. You may.” To be honest, I'll call Katie out, she really struggles with giving me-- she's like, “Ethan, I'm sure you're fine.” I'm like, “Why did you say that?” She does. She really struggles with-- Katie: It's interesting because I work with folks with OCD all the time and I don't reassure them, but it's so interesting because it feels so different with my partner knowing how much he's struggling and I just want to be like, “You know what this is, it's fine.” But yeah, working on that Kimberley: If he's struggling, then you said sometimes you will struggle, it makes sense that in that moment you're like, “You're fine, you're fine.” You don't want them to have a struggle because you know it might even impact you, I'm guessing. Katie: Well, yeah. It's funny, all of Ethan's stuff is around bad things happening to him. All of my stuff is around bad things happening to other people. If Ethan's worried something bad's going to happen to him, I'm like, “No. I can't handle that. I don't want to worry that you're going to die. Let's not put that on the table.” Ethan: We discovered it was true love when my OCD was worried about her. She's like, “Baby, it's about me. It's not about you.” It's true love. No question. Katie: He had never had obsessions about someone else before. I was so excited. He was like, “Am I going to kill you in your sleep? Is that going to happen?” I was like, “Oh my gosh, you do love me. So sweet.” Ethan: But to answer your question, conversely, when Katie is struggling, she gets loopy and she directly asks for reassurance. I can definitely get frustrated at it at a certain point. I always feel like one time is appropriate. “Do you have a question or concern? Do you think blah, blah, blah?” “No, I don't think so. I think that's totally appropriate.” And then the second time, “Yeah, but do you...” I was like, okay, now we're starting to move into OCD land and I stay compassionate up to a certain point and then I'll get frustrated because it will be so obvious to me. As she said, myself is so obvious to her. I just want to be like, “Katie, can you see this makes no sense at all?” But when she's really struggling, not just the superficial high-level or low-level OCD hierarchy stuff, when she's really, really deeply struggling, it's challenging. I really struggle with not giving her the reassurance that her OCD craves because I can't stand to see her suffer. Sometimes I wish that I didn't know as much about OCD as I do because I actively know that I'm helping OCD, but giving her that instant relief in the moment, it just pains me. We've definitely changed our relationship style as we've gotten to know each other and been able to say things like, “I know this doesn't feel good. I don't want to say these things to you, but I really, really don't want to help OCD and hurt you. I really, really want to help you get better in this moment and hurt OCD and just put it to bed, so I'm not going to answer that.” We've had to have those communicative conversations to be able to address it when it does cross the line. I will say we're pretty well., we do pretty good, but that's not to say that there aren't times where we can both get in a rabbit hole. To Katie's point and to your point, it gets sticky sometimes. I literally never checked an oven in my entire life till I moved in with Katie. And then now she'll mention it or I'll be closing up the lights and I'll be like, I've never looked and thought about it. But Katie talks about it and that's one of her things, and like, “It latched on. I'll take it,” and like, “No, no, no. Ethan. Everything's going to burn down.” Yes, moving on. Katie: Likewise, I've never checked my pills multiple times to make sure that I didn't take too many or worried that there was glass inside of my glass from hitting it. I mean, there's things that were Ethan's that I now think about. It's really interesting because I think we actively work to not give into those things, but that's definitely a process to you where they were things that I never would've gotten stuck on before. We have these conversations too of being able to call each other out. Well, actually, comedy is a really big thing in our house too, so we also like to call it out in a way of like, “Hey, you're stealing my themes. Stop it. That's mine. Come on, let me have that stomach bug thing.” Kimberley: Isn't that so interesting, though? We constantly get asked what causes OCD, and we never can really answer the question. We say it's a combo of nature and nurture and you guys are touching on the nurture piece in that, yes, we are genetically predisposed to it, but that other people's anxiety around things can create anxiety for us. I actually feel the same way. There are so many things my husband is anxious about, or my kids. Now I'm hyper-vigilant about it. That's so interesting that you guys are seeing that in real life. HOW TO SUPPORT A LOVED ONE WITH OCD Ethan: Yeah, for sure. And then Katie brought up a great point, which is, I think the most challenging times, and they don't happen often, is when we're both struggling simultaneously. How do you support each other in that moment? First of all, what's very funny is we like to joke we both have OCD and we're both only children. It's one of those households. Literally, we'll cook a frozen pizza and we'll sit there and size up the half to figure out which one's bigger and then be like, “Are you sure you want that one? I want that.” It's a thing. When we're both struggling, it's like, “No, you need to listen to me.” “No, no, no, no. You need to listen. It's my thing. It's my thing.” It's been few and far between where we've both really been significantly struggling simultaneously, but we've managed it. We learn how to be able to struggle and listen and support. It's no different than advocating when you're not feeling your best. You can still be compassionate and sympathetic and offer advice that is rooted in modalities of treatment and still be struggling at the same time. We may not get the empathy that we want because maybe we're just not in a place or we're pouring from an empty cup or whatever, but fortunately, those times aren't that frequent. But when they do happen, we've navigated and managed really well, I think. Katie: And even just-- oh, sorry. Kimberley: No, please, Katie. Go ahead. Katie: I was going to say, even with that, having conversations around it, I think, has been really helpful. We've had moments of being really honest. Particularly earlier this year, I had some tough stuff that happened and I was in a place of grief and then also OCD was coming into that. Ethan, it lined up at some points with some difficult points that you had. There were some times that you were honest about saying, “I am just not in a place to respond to this right now in this moment in a healthy way.” I think that's actually one of the best things that we can do too. Of course, OCD sometimes gets frustrated at that, “Hey, why can't you talk about it right now?” But I think having those honest conversations as a couple too so that we can both offer care to ourselves and to one another in the midst of those times that we're struggling is really, really important. SETTING BOUNDARIES IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH OCD Kimberley: You answered actually exactly what I was going to say. There are times when we can't be there for our partner. When that is the case, do you guys then go to your own therapist or to a loved one? Not to get reassurance or do compulsions, but just have a sense of containment and safety. Or are you more working towards just working through that on your own? How do you guys navigate thriving in Relationships with OCD when your partner is tapped out? Katie: We both have our own therapist and that's really, really helpful. We both actually have conversations together with the other person's therapist. Ethan will meet with his therapist and we've had times when he's struggling where I'll come in for a half session to talk about, hey, what's the best way to respond to him and vice versa. I'll meet with my therapist separately, but we might bring him in for 20 or 30 minutes for him to learn, hey, what's the best way to respond to Katie right now? We both have those separate spaces to go and talk about both what we're navigating and what we need, but also how to respond to our partner and then collaborate with one another's therapist. I mean, that has been so helpful for me because there have been points where I don't know how to respond to what Ethan's navigating. To hear directly from his provider as opposed to feeling like I have to take on that role is so crucial. And then, Ethan, you meeting with my therapist earlier this year, oh my goodness, was so helpful because she had given me all this insight that I just wasn't in a place to be able to share because I was struggling. For you to hear that directly from her and what she thought that I needed I think was a huge step forward for us. Ethan: Yeah. It's nuanced. It's not a one size fits all. Yes, it's all ERP or ACT or DBT or whatever. But it's all specific to what we're all going through. I will say it's funny because as we're talking, I'm like, “I didn't ask Katie if these things I could say or not.” Katie: I'm afraid to say that. You can literally say anything. I pretty much talk all the time about all this. Ethan: For sure. I think one of the things that really, really helped our relationship in terms of navigating this is, when I first met Katie and we started dating, she wasn't seeing a therapist actively. It was challenging because as someone that is well-versed in OCD, we would constantly talk about things and she would divulge a lot of information to me. I started to feel like I didn't want to take on an advocate or therapist's role with her. I wanted to be her boyfriend. I was really struggling because I really wanted to support her and I really wanted to be. That was never a question, it was not supporting her. But for the same reason that we tell parents like, “Don't police your kids, be their parents,” and hear how that can backfire, it was really challenging to navigate being a significant other and also supporting her, but not becoming that person that her OCD goes to. I think her finally landing on a therapist that was right for her and good for her where she can get that objectivity that she needs and I can too learn what she needs from me as a partner, not that there was anything wrong with our relationship, but really allowed our relationship to grow and really allowed us to focus on what we should be focusing on, which is each other and who we are to each other and what's important to our lives and our family. Our therapists can handle our OCD. That doesn't mean that OCD doesn't get involved. It does. But for the most part, that was really where our relationship really got to level up. We both were able to turn to our therapists, but also include each other in treatment so we can have open and honest conversations about what's going on. DO I TELL MY PARTNER ABOUT MY OCD OBSESSIONS? The other thing I'll say is, we have no secrets. We literally have no secrets. As a first timer to a long-term relationship, because my OCD Obsessions wouldn't let me have a long-term relationship any longer than four or five months, as a first-timer in the three-year club on May 9th, I really feel like that is such a crucial piece to our relationship. We watch reality shows and it's like, “You went through my phone,” and it's like, “Well, I don't care. She knows my passwords. I have nothing to hide.” I always say that individuals with OCD would make the worst thieves. Could you imagine? I put myself in a position of robbing a house. There's no way I wouldn't worry that one piece of DNA was not left in that house. I find hair on my pillow all the time. There's no possible way I could ever burglarize anyone and not think I would be caught. We're not transparent because we know that that will alleviate our OCD. We're transparent because I think honesty is really important in a relationship and so is communication. We always advocate that having therapy and having access to treatment shouldn't be an exception at all. That should be the standard. It should be accessible, should be affordable, should be effective. Absolutely, no question there. But with that being said, Katie and I were both fortunate enough to have really good treatment and I think our relationship reflects that. Not to say that we're perfect all the time, but I think we're too highly therapized individuals that began our relationship with honesty and communication and have continued that through and through. I think that has enabled us to not only grow as a couple but also helped us manage our own OCD and the OCD of each other and how we interrelate. HOW TO ENCOURAGE SOMEONE WITH OCD Kimberley: Right. I think that is so true. As you're talking, I'm thinking of people who are at the very beginning stages. They didn't have any idea about OCD and they've been giving reassurance, they've been asking for reassurance, and there's tantrums because the person isn't giving the right reassurance. What would you encourage couples to do if they're newly to treatment, newly to their diagnosis, and their goal is to be thriving in Relationships with OCD? Katie: There's so many different things, and I know this is different for every person, but even if they're new to that process, getting their partner involved in therapy, meeting with their therapist, having them learn about OCD, again, Ethan talked about, not from a space of the partner becoming the therapist, but having an understanding of what the person is going through so that they're not reassuring, so that they're not accommodating. But I say this to folks all the time, again, so that you're not also being so hard and so rigid so that you can still be the person's partner in the midst of that. I think being able to understand what their triggers are, what their symptoms are, what's coming up, so that you can say, “Hey, I'm your partner. I love you. I can't answer that, but I'm here.” I think figuring out what that looks like with the provider, but also with the partner is just so beyond important to have an effective relationship, one, so that you're not just closing it off so that you can't talk about it, but two, so that, as Ethan said, you don't become the therapist because that's not healthy either. I think we have in our relationship almost tried both extremes at different points of, “Hey, we're not going to talk about it at all,” or “Oh, we're going to talk about everything and we're going to totally support each other through every aspect.” I think with each person, it's finding that balance of how we can be a couple with open and honest communication, but we're actually still each other's partners and not each other's therapists. Kimberley: Yeah. Do you have any thoughts, Ethan? Ethan: I was just thinking. I mean, she nailed it. I don't know that I have anything to add to that, whether you both have OCD or one of you has OCD. I was actually thinking earlier on in the relationship, and about divulging your OCD and when it's appropriate. We get so many questions from so many people about, when I'm dating, when am I supposed to let them know? When am I supposed to talk about it? I have very aggressive feelings about OCD and dating, and as amazing as somebody may look and be like, “Oh my God, I would love to be in a relationship with a partner that has OCD because then I don't have to explain anything.” I did not date to specifically find somebody with OCD. When I met Katie, we were friends long before we were together. Katie: We always say that, like he was my best friend that I happened to meet through the OCD community, that we fell in love during COVID because he was my best friend, and because we had so much that connected us beyond OCD. I know you said this earlier, Ethan, but we get the question all the time, “Oh, if I just had a partner with OCD...” and that is not. If all we had in common was our OCD, this would not work out because it actually can make it even more challenging. But it's what's beyond that. I always think we shouldn't be in a relationship or not in a relationship based on our diagnosis. It's about who the person is and how we can support them for who they are. Ethan: Yeah, for sure. You actually raised a good point. I was going to talk about, and we can maybe come back to it, when to talk about your OCD to your partner, when it's appropriate, when you feel it's appropriate, this difference between wanting to confess about your own OCD and feeling like they need to know right now that I have OCD so I'm not dishonest with them and I don't hit them with the big secret down the road. We can talk about that. But you raised-- wow, it was a really interesting point that I totally forgot. Katie, what did you just say? Go ahead. Katie: No, I was just talking about not being in a relationship because of the OCD and really having-- Ethan: I remember. Katie: Okay, go ahead. You got it. HOW TO HELP YOUR LOVED ONE UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE OCD Ethan: Yeah. I'd be curious to Kim's thoughts. But I think with OCD individuals, whether it's a significant other or family and friends, and I've been talking about this a lot lately, we've talked about, okay, how do I get someone to understand what OCD is? How do I help them understand what I'm going through? We did a town hall on family dynamics last week for the IOCDF and we've had multiple conversations about this. I'd be curious to Kim's thoughts. I think there's a difference between having a partner or a family member, whatever, being able to support you in an effective, healthy, communicative way, and fully understanding what you're going through. I think those are two different things. I don't think that an individual needs to know and feel exactly what you're experiencing going through to be able to understand and support you. I think as individuals with OCD, we have this inherent need for our partners or people that we care about to know exactly how we feel and exactly what we're going through. “You need to know my pain to understand me.” I think that is a big misnomer. I think honestly, that's a potential impossible trap for a relationship when you're dating someone or with someone that doesn't have OCD. The likelihood of that individual, while you can give them examples, the likelihood of them actually truly understanding your own OCD experience is unlikely. Just like if Katie had had cancer and went through treatment, I'll never know what that's like. But that doesn't mean that I can't be sympathetic and empathetic and support her and learn about the disease state and be able to be a really, really wonderful partner to her. I think for individuals that are in relationships with individuals that don't have OCD, if you resonate with this, being able to release this idea of like, they need to know exactly what I've gone through. Really the real thing they need to know is, how can I be a supportive partner? How can I support you in a meaningful, healthy, value-driven way so we can have the best possible relationship? I don't know if I ever said that, but Kim, I'd be open to your thoughts. Kimberley: No, I agree. Because the facts are, they won't get it. No matter how much you want them to get it, they will get it, but they won't have experienced something similar to you. But I think like anything, there's a degree of common humanity in that they can relate without completely having to go through it. They can relate in that I too know what it's like to be uncertain or I too know what it's like to have high levels of anxiety. Or even if they don't, I too can understand your need for certainty in this moment or whatever it may be. I think the other thing to know too is often when someone needs to be understood and they insist on it, that's usually a shame response. There's a degree of shame that by being understood, that may actually resolve some of that shame. If that's the case, they can take that shame to therapy and work through that and get some skills to manage that, because shame does come with mental illness. Often I find some of the biggest fights between couples were triggered by a shame emotion. They felt shame or they felt embarrassed or humiliated, or they felt less than in some way, or the boxing gloves are on. How do you handle, in this case, conflict around-- I don't know whether you have any conflict, but has conflict came up around this and how do you handle it? SHAME + GUILT IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH OCD Katie: One piece with the last component, and then I'll shift into this. I think as you were talking, the shame piece resonates with me so much. I'm definitely someone that even through the OCD experience, guilt and shame are much heavier for me than anxiety or fear or anything else, that feeling really challenging. I think that the biggest piece that helped to combat that actually had to do with my relationship with Ethan, not specifically because he knew every ounce of my themes or what I was going through, but simply because of the empathy that he showed me. I talk often about how because of shame in my OCD journey, one of the reasons I struggled to get better for a long time was I didn't feel like I deserved it. I didn't feel like I was good enough because of my intrusive thoughts. I didn't like myself very much. I hated myself actually. Ethan, by loving me, gave me (I'm going to get emotional) permission to love myself for the first time. It wasn't because he specifically knew the ins and outs of my themes, but simply because he offered empathy and loved me as a human being, and showed me that I could do that for myself. That was a huge step forward for me. I think every partner can do that. I used to talk with my students when I was in education about empathy, and I would always say you don't have to experience the exact same thing that your friend experienced to say, “Oh, I can put myself in your shoes.” To your point, Kim, I know what sadness feels like. I know what this feels like. I know what that feels like. I think just showing empathy to your partner, but also showing them that they truly do deserve love in the midst of whatever they're experiencing with their OCD can be such a healing component. I just wanted to say that, and now I've forgotten the other part of your question. Ethan: Well, wait, before she asks it, can I piggyback? Kimberley: Yeah. Ethan: I'm going to just offer to Katie. Katie's shared that story before and it's really special. Always, I was just being me and seeing something beautiful in her and wanting it to shine. But something that I don't think I've ever talked about ever is what she did for me in that same context. I always saw myself as a really shiny car, and if you saw me surface, I was really desirable. I knew my first impressions were really solid. But if you got in me and started driving, I got a little less shiny as the deeper you went. It was really hard to get close to Katie and let her in. Katie and I haven't talked about this in a while, but when we started getting intimate, I would never take my shirt off with the light on. I would hold my shirt over my stomach because I was embarrassed about my body. She's an athlete. I'm not an athlete. When we would walk and I would get out of breath, the level of embarrassment and shame, I would feel like, how could this person love me? Now I'm going to get emotional, but it took me a long time to be able to-- this morning, I was downstairs making breakfast without a shirt. I didn't think about it. She taught me that the parts of myself that I thought were the ugliest could actually be loved. I had never experienced that beyond my parents. But even beyond that, I don't know that they had seen pieces of my OCD, pieces of me as a human being, as an individual. Katie taught me about unconditional pure love and that even what I deemed the most disgusting, grossest parts of myself, even seeing those. My biggest fear with Katie was her seeing me. I don't panic often, like have major panic freakouts, but there are a few things that I do. My biggest fear was her seeing me. I kept saying, “Just wait. Wait till you see this, Ethan.” It comes out every now and again. “You won't love that person.” Early on, I had a thing that I panicked and she was nothing but love and didn't change anything. For weeks, I was like, “How can you still love me?” It doesn't necessarily relate to your question, but I wanted to share that because I think that for so many that really see themselves as broken or cracked, I think it's real easy to look really good on the surface. But I think that being willing to be vulnerable and honest and truthful-- and Katie's the first woman I've ever done that with, where I was literally willing to go there despite what my OCD told me, despite what my head told me and my brain told me. I just think that's also created a really solid foundation for our relationship. I just wanted to share that. Kimberley: That full vulnerability is like the exposure of all exposures. To actually really let your partner see you in your perceived ugliness, not that there's ever any ugliness, but that perceived, that's the exposure of all exposures in my mind. You have to really use your skills and be willing to ride that wave, and that can be really painful. I love that you guys shared that. Thank you for sharing that, because I think that that's true for even any relationship. That is truly thriving in Relationships with OCD! Katie: Absolutely. SEEING BEYOND OCD Ethan: Yeah, for sure. OCD can definitely get sticky even with that. It'll start to question, well, does she still love me because of that? She says she does, but does she really-- even my brain now goes, “She can't possibly love my body. That doesn't make sense. That doesn't make sense.” So funny thing about Katie, we were early on in our dating, we were struggling. She's laying on me. She's like, “You're the most comfortable boyfriend I've ever had.” I was like, “Yeah.” And then I started thinking like all she'd ever dated before me were triathletes, like washboard dudes. I was like, “Huh, thank you?” She's like, “No, no, it's a good thing. It's a good thing.” I'm like, “Okay. Yeah.” It's very funny, but I also loved it. Katie: I do the same thing with you. I mean, all the time, everything's still. Three years in, we're getting married in September, stuff will come up and it's like, “Wait, you saw this, this part of myself that I think is really ugly. You still love me?” Like, what? It gives me permission every time to love myself. Ethan: That's such an interesting relationship dichotomy between the two of us. I don't mean to venture away from your question, Kim, but it's so interesting. I don't see any of the things that she sees in herself. She could freak out for a week and I would still see her as this perfect individual who I couldn't love more. She feels the same about me. It's so weird because we see each other in the same light, but we don't see ourselves in that light. It is amazing and I feel a little selfish here to have a partner to be able to remind me of how I should see myself. I hope that I give Katie that same reminder and reassurance, but it really is amazing to be able to see that within our partner because I'll do something and I'll be like, “Wow.” She's like, “Yeah, that didn't change anything for me.” I'm like, “Really?” Because that's how I feel like, “Oh, okay.” Because that's how I feel when you do. “Okay, we're on the same page.” Kimberley: Let's just delete the last question because I want to follow this. I love this so much. It actually makes me a bit teary too, so we might as well just cry together. What would you say to do for those who don't understand OCD and maybe perceive it as “ugliness”? I'm sure there are those listening who are thinking, “I wish my partner could see beyond my anxiety and how I cope.” What advice would you give to them? Katie: Ethan, you go first. Ethan: It's a hard question. It's a hard question to answer. It's thundering and you get it twice since we're in the same house. I think one thing I was going to say before, and maybe this will get tight, and this doesn't answer your question directly, Kim, but I'm hoping we can get to it, is when somebody asks me like, “I have OCD and I want to date and get in a relationship, well, how do I do that?” I have very strong feelings about that particular question because I don't want to dive into acceptance and commitment therapy and this whole concept of being able to do both things simultaneously, which is very value driven and we're going to feel the feels and have the ick and we don't have to wait for the perfect moment. But I've always believed that if your OCD at that time is so severe that it's going to heavily impact your relationship, and the reason that you have to tell the person that you're interested in all about your OCD is because you have expectations of that person to reassure and enable, and you're going to need that from that person, I would always say, you might not want to get in a relationship right now. That may not be the best timing for you to get in a relationship. I always would want somebody to ask themselves like, if you're in therapy and you're in treatment or wherever you are in your process and you know that you shouldn't be seeking things from somebody and reassurance, enabling and so forth and so on, then that's a different conversation. But I think at first, being honest and true to ourselves about why we're divulging, why we want them to know about our OCD, and what we're going to get out of this relationship—doing that from the beginning, I think, then trickles over into your question, Kim, about like, what if they don't understand? What if they don't get it? Because going into a relationship with this idea of, “Well, they need to know so they can keep my OCD comfortable,” is very different than my OCD doesn't necessarily play a prominent role in my life, or maybe it does, but I'm in treatment and I need them to know and then they may not understand. I think that that's like a different path and trajectory. Katie? Yeah, go ahead. Katie: I think that's such an important component. It's interesting. I heard a very different side of the question. I was thinking about maybe someone who is already in, whether it's a romantic relationship or-- Ethan: No, that was the question. I didn't know what to say yet, so I was being like, “Well...” Yeah, no, that was the question. You heard that right. YOU ARE WORTHY & LOVABLE WITH OCD Katie: It was really important too. This might sound really simplistic, but I think it's so important. Just based on, oh my goodness, my experiences with feeling for such a long time, I was defined by my OCD or defined by my intrusive thoughts, or, oh, how could anybody love me in the midst of all of this? I want everybody to hear that regardless of how your OCD is making you feel right now, or how you're feeling, you are not defined by your OCD. You are not defined by your intrusive thoughts. You are not defined by your disorder. You are an amazing human being that is worthy of love in all of its forms, and you're worthy of love from yourself. You're also worthy of love from a partner. I think sometimes there's this feeling of, well, I don't deserve love because of my OCD, or I don't deserve someone to be nice to me or to treat me well. I've also seen folks fall into that trap. I've been in relationships that weren't particularly healthy because I felt like I didn't deserve someone to be kind to me because of my OCD, or like, oh, well, I'm just too much of a pain because of my obsessions or my compulsions, so of course, I don't deserve anything good in this sense. I want you to hear that wherever you are in your journey, you do deserve love and respect in all of its forms, and that the people that are around you, that truly love you, yes, there are moments that are hard just like they are for me and Ethan, where sometimes there might be frustrations. But those people that truly love you authentically, I really believe will be with you in the midst of all of those highs and lows, and continue to offer you love and respect and help you to offer yourself that same love and respect that you so deeply deserve. Kimberley: I love that. I think that that speaks to relationships in general in that they're bumpy and they're hard. I think sometimes OCD and anxiety can make us think they're supposed to be perfect too, and we forget that it's hard work. Relationships are work and it takes a lot of diligence and value-based actions. I think that that is a huge piece of what you're bringing to the table. I want to be respectful of your time. Closing out, is there anything that you feel like you want the listeners to hear in regards to relationships and yourself in a relationship? Do you want to go first, Ethan? Ethan: Sure. Yeah, I agree. Let Katie close out. She's amazing. I just want to echo, honestly, the last thing that Katie said was perfect, and I wholeheartedly agree. What would I want to bring into a relationship? I want to bring in my OCD or myself, what is going to be my contribution to a relationship, a romantic relationship. I definitely would want to bring me into it. I want to bring Ethan and not Ethan's OCD. That doesn't mean that Ethan's OCD won't tag along for the ride, but I definitely don't want Katie to be initially dating my OCD. I wanted her to date Ethan. I think what Katie said about that directly relates in the sense that love yourself, value yourself, realize your worth, know your worth. It's so hard with OCD, the shame and the stigma and just feeling like your brain is broken and you don't deserve these things, and you don't deserve love. What's wrong? It's so hard. I mean, I say it humbly. When I say go into a relationship with these things, I know it's not that simple. But I think that if you can find that place where you know what you have to offer as a human being and you know who you are and what you have to give, and it doesn't have to be specific. You don't have to figure yourself out of your life out, simply just who your heart is and what you have to give like, I don't know who I am entirely; I just know that I have a lot of love to give and I want to give it to as many people as possible—own that and don't be afraid to leave crappy relationships that are good, that because it's feels safe or comfortable, it's the devil you know in terms of how it relates to your OCD. You're not broken. You're not bad. You shouldn't feel shame. OCD is a disorder. It's a disease, and you deserve, as Katie said, a meaningful, beautiful love relationship with whomever you want that with. You deserve that for yourself. Stay true to who you are. Stay true to your values. If that's where you are now, or if it isn't where you are now, be willing to take a risk to be able to find that big, as Katie says, beautiful life that you deserve. It's out there and it's there. To Kim's point, I'm sorry, this is a very long last statement, so I apologize. But to Kim's point, relationships are hard and life is hard. I really believed when I got better from OCD that in six months, I was going to meet my soulmate, make a million dollars, and everything would be perfect. Life did not happen like that at all. It's 15 years later. But at a certain point, I was like, “I'm never meeting my person. OCD is not even in the way right now, and I'm never meeting my person. I'm never going to fall in love. I'm never going to get married.” Now we're four months away from my wedding to being married to the most amazing human being. I truly believe that that exists for everyone out there in this community. Living a life that is doing things that I never would imagine in a million years. Please know that it's there and it's out there. If you put in the work, whether it happens the next day, the next year, or the next decade, it's possible and it's beautiful. Embrace it and run towards it. Kimberley: Beautiful. Katie? Katie: I feel like there isn't much I can add to that. I'm going to get teary listening to that. I think I'll just close similar to what I was sharing before for anyone listening, whether it is someone with OCD or a partner or a family member, whomever that is, that you deserve love and compassion from yourself and from every single person around you. You are not defined by your OCD. It is okay, especially if you're a partner, if you don't respond perfectly around OCD all the time, because you know what, we are in the midst of a perfectly imperfect journey, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. But if you continue to lead with love, with empathy, and with compassion, and with trusting who you are, not who the OCD says you are, I truly believe that you'll be able to continue to move towards your personal values, but also towards your relationship values, and that you so deeply deserve that. Kimberley: Oh, I feel like I got a big hug right now. Thank you, guys, for being here. I'm so grateful for you both taking the time to talk with me about this. Most of the time when someone comes to see me and we talk about like, why would you ever face your fear? Why would you ever do these scary hard things? They always say, “Because I've got this person I love,” or “I want this relationship to work,” or “I want to be there for my child.” I do think that is what Thriving in Relationships with OCD is all about. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Katie: Thank you for having us.Ethan: Thank you for having us.

#133 - Inferential Confusion: What's Tripping You Up in OCD with Christina Ennabe

anxiety llc act maine confusion new hampshire obsessive compulsive disorder copyright elearning erp tripping managing anxiety intrusive thoughts jenna overbaugh inferential iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 6, 2023 43:50

In this episode, I'm joined by Christina Ennabe, a therapist who specializes in OCD treatment as well as Inference Based CBT for OCD. We discuss.. - an overview of ICBT for OCD - what is inferential confusion? - what are some of the common cheats/tricks OCD plays - how ICBT is different (but not all that different) from ERP - how to learn more about ICBT Christina Ennabe is a licensed Anxiety, OCD, and BFRB Therapist with lived experience in these areas. She is based in New Hampshire with licenses also in Maine and Florida. Christina is also a board member for OCD New Hampshire, an affiliate of IOCDF. Christina uses ERP, I-CBT, and ACT to help her clients find recovery and has also created E-Learning products to provide support for the general public. www.christinaennabe.com IG @christinacounsels course & workshop: www.christinaennabe.com/additionalresources Head to my website at www.jennaoverbaughlpc.com to sign up for my free e-mail newsletter, grab your free "Imagine Your Recovered Life" PDF, and download your free “5 Must Know Strategies for Managing Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts” video + access expertly crafted masterclasses just for you. Course and more coming soon! Remember: this podcast is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as mental health or medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional advice of your own professional mental health or medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or medical or mental health professional before trying or implementing any information read here. Copyright 2023 Jenna Overbaugh, LLC

16. Running Towards Our Values: Faith, OCD, & Religious Scrupulosity with Reverend Katie O'Dunne

A Chat with Uma

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 29, 2023 90:37

On episode 16 of A Chat with Uma, I speak with Reverend Katie O'Dunne! Rev. Katie O'Dunne is the founder of Faith & Mental Health Integrative Services, an organization helping individuals with OCD and related disorders live into their faith traditions as they navigate evidence-based treatment. Prior to this, she spent 7 years serving as the Academy Chaplain and the Pauline and R.L. Brand Jr. '35 Chair of Religious Studies at Woodward Academy in Atlanta, Georgia. Katie is proud to be an IOCDF lead advocate, an ordained minister, and an endurance athlete tackling 50 ultra-marathons for OCD. She is currently pursuing her doctorate at Vanderbilt to continue her focus on faith & mental health. In this episode, we discuss the following topics (+ timestamps): (00:00:00) Intro: Check-in on presence & well-being Guest Suggestion Form Podcast scheduling update (00:07:03): Introduction of Rev. Katie O'Dunne (00:15:46): Confessional + backstory of my initial fear of Katie due to religious trauma; Misconceptions about those who work in ministry (00:19:18): Deep dive into Katie's story: Ineffective therapy in childhood Venturing into chaplaincy Untreated OCD wreaking havoc through her life & career How loss and grief exacerbated her moral/religious scrupulosity Finally engaging in evidence-based treatment (exposure & response prevention/ERP) for OCD Reclaiming her life & finding purpose in working at the intersection of faith and mental health (00:30:14): Doing unseen compulsions, accidentally "tricking" therapists, and being incorrectly treated by therapists who are not properly trained to treat OCD (00:36:08): How Katie got into interfaith chaplaincy and working with people of all faith/belief backgrounds (including identifying as agnostic, atheistic, etc.) (00:41:46): How OCD can latch onto religion, and working at the intersection of faith + OCD (00:43:58): Defining + explaining moral scrupulosity and religious scrupulosity, individually and as themes of OCD (00:56:07): How Katie created Faith & OCD initiatives for the International OCD Foundation (⁠IOCDF Faith & OCD Resource Center⁠⁠) (00:58:10): Katie's doctoral work at Vanderbilt University, conceptualizing OCD treatment as a spiritual practice (01:05:33): Challenges and opportunities around mental health outreach + education for other clergy members (01:09:04): Where Katie is today in her own OCD recovery journey (01:13:55): How running ultra-marathons became a part of Katie's OCD recovery & advocacy journey; Running towards our values (01:19:00): All about Katie's upcoming projects: 'What's The Scoop with Scrup' podcast Upcoming Faith + OCD Support Group Platform (01:23:27): DEEP rapid-fire final questions with Katie, and closing out the episode! Connect with Katie: Website + Faith & Mental Health Integrative Services⁠: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠revkatieodunne.com ⁠Instagram:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@RevKRunsBeyondOCD Email: katie.odunne@gmail.com Support: 50 Ultras for OCD Free Faith & OCD Support Offerings IOCDF Faith & OCD Resource Center Connect with me! My website⁠: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠umarchatterjee.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Instagram:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@UmaRChatterjee⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@UmaRChatterjee⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@UmaRChatterjee⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠hello@umarchatterjee.com⁠⁠⁠ Have a guest you want on the show? Fill out the ⁠⁠Guest Suggestion Form!⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/umarchatterjee/message

S1E47: Water Cooler Chats: Medication Support

OCD Family Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 17, 2023 8:10

Hey there, OCD Family Community! We are continuing our exploration of treatments that quench OCD with Medication Support. Do you have to take meds to treat OCD? Join the conversation to learn more! Also, please remember that I'm not a doctor and this is not medical or mental health treatment. But check IOCDF's medication guidance for better support in advocating for you or your OCD and OCD-Related Warrior's proper medication. As always, you can find links and resources at ocdfamilypodcast.com on this episode's blog, or click on the link if you're watching via YouTube.

obsessive compulsive disorder medications water cooler iocdf

#45: Michelle Witkin, Ph.D. — Supporting People Who Support Those With OCD

You're Not Alone Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 14, 2023 58:50

Dr. Witkin is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Valencia, California, with more than 30 years of experience. She specializes in treating children, teens, and adults with obsessive compulsive disorder and other anxiety-related disorders. She's been a featured speaker on podcasts and radio shows, including the OCD Stories, Moms Without Worry, and Tell Me What You're Proud Of. She's a regular presenter at national conferences, including the International OCD Foundation, IOCDF, and the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Dr. Witkin is a graduate of the International OCD Foundation's General and Pediatric Behavior Therapy Training Institute, and is a clinical fellow of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. In this episode we talk about: ◾️ Supporting someone who supports somebody with OCD ◾️ Approaching different angles of supporting someone with mental illness ◾️ Communities and groups of support for people suffering OCD Find Michelle here: drmichellewitkin.com Find Zach here: zachwesterbeck.com @zach_westerbeck

america california anxiety mindfulness communities obsessive compulsive disorder suicide prevention erp intrusive thoughts depression association international ocd foundation rocd iocdf anxietyawareness ocdawareness

Sexual Intrusive Thoughts | Ep.333

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 21, 2023 26:02

Welcome. This is Week 4 of the Sexual Health and Anxiety Series. I have loved your feedback about this so far. I have loved hearing what is right for you, what is not right for you, getting your perspective on what can be so helpful. A lot of people are saying that they really are grateful that we are covering sexual health and anxiety because it's a topic that we really don't talk enough about. I think there's so much shame in it, and I think that that's something we hopefully can break through today by bringing it into the sunlight and bringing it out into the open and just talking about it as it is, which is just all good and all neutral, and we don't need to judge. Let's go through the series so far. In Episode 1 of the series, we did sexual anxiety or sexual performance anxiety with Lauren Fogel Mersy. Number two, we did understanding arousal and anxiety. A lot of you loved that episode, talking a lot about understanding arousal and anxiety. Then last week, we talked about the sexual side effects of anxiety and depression medication or antidepressants with Dr. Sepehr Aziz. That was such a great episode. This week, we're talking about sexual intrusive thoughts. The way that I structured this is I wanted to first address the common concerns people have about sexual health and intimacy and so forth. Now I want to talk about some of the medical pieces and the human pieces that can really complicate things. In this case, it's your thoughts. The thoughts we have can make a huge impact on how we see ourselves, how we judge ourselves, the meaning we make of it, the identity we give it, and it can be incredibly distressing. My hope today is just to go through and normalize all of these experiences and thoughts and presentations and give you some direction on where you can go from there. Because we do know that your thoughts, as we discussed in the second episode, can impact arousal and your thoughts can impact your sexual anxiety. SEXUAL OCD OBSESSIONS Let's talk a little bit today about specific sexual intrusive thoughts. Now, sexual intrusive thoughts is also known as sexual obsessions. A sexual obsession is like any other obsession, which is, it is a repetitive, UNWANTED—and let's emphasize the unwanted piece—sexual thought. There are all different kinds of sexual intrusive thoughts that you can have. For many of you listening, you may have sexual intrusive thoughts and OCD that get together and make a really big mess in your mind and confuse you and bring on doubt and uncertainty, and like I said before, make you question your identity and all of those things. In addition to these intrusive thoughts, they often can feel very real. Often when people have these sexual intrusive thoughts, again, we all have intrusive thoughts, but if they're sexual in nature, when they're accompanied by anxiety, they can sometimes feel incredibly real, so much so that you start to question everything. SEXUAL SENSATIONS Now, in addition to having sexual intrusive thoughts, some of you have sexual sensations, and we talked a little bit about this in previous episodes. But what I'm really speaking about there is sensations that you would often feel upon arousal. The most common is what we call in the OCD field a groinal response. Some people call it the groinal in and of itself, which is, we know again from previous episodes that when we have sexual thoughts or thoughts that are sexual in nature, we often will feel certain sensations of arousal, whether that be lubrication, swelling, tingling, throbbing. You might simply call it arousal or being turned on. And that is where a lot of people, again, get really confused because they're having these thoughts that they hate, they're unwanted, they're repetitive, they're impacting their life, they're associated with a lot of anxiety and uncertainty, and doubt. And then, now you're having this reaction in your body too, and that groinal response can create a heightened need to engage in compulsions. As we know—we talk about this in ERP School, our online course for OCD; we go through this extensively—when someone has an obsession, a thought, an intrusive thought, it creates uncertainty and anxiety. And then naturally what we do is we engage in a compulsion to reduce or remove that discomfort to give them a short-term sense of relief. But then what ends up happening is that short-term relief ends up reinforcing the original obsession, which means you have it more, and then you go back through the cycle. You cycle on that cycle over and over again. It gets so big. It ends up impacting your life so, so much. INTRUSIVE SEXUAL URGES Now, let's also address while we're here that a lot of you may have intrusive sexual urges. These are also obsessions that we have when you have OCD or OCD-related disorders where you feel like your body is pulling you towards an action to harm someone, to do a sexual act, to some fantasy. You're having this urge that feels like your body is pulling you like a magnet towards that behavior. Even if you don't want to do that behavior, or even if that behavior disgusts you and it doesn't line up with your values, you may still experience these sexual OCD urges that really make you feel like you're on the cusp of losing control, that you may snap and do that behavior. This is how impactful these sexual intrusive thoughts can be. This is how powerful they can be in that they can create these layers upon layers. You have the thoughts, then you have the feelings, then you have the sensations, you also have the urges. Often there's a lot of sexual intrusive images as well, like you see in front of you, like a projector, the image happening or the movie scene playing out that really scares you, concerns you, and so forth. And then all of those layers together make you feel absolutely horrible, terrified, so afraid, so unsure of what's happening in and of yourself. TYPES OF SEXUAL OCD OBSESSIONS Let's talk about some specific OCD obsessions and ways in which this plays out. Now, in the OCD field, we call them subtypes. Subtypes are different categories we have of obsessions. They don't collect all of them. There are people who have a lot of obsessions that don't fall under these categories, but these subtypes usually include groups of people who experience these subtypes. The reason we do that is, number one, it can be very validating to know that other people are in that subgroup. Number two, it can also really help inform treatment when we have a specific subtype that we know what's happening, and that can be very helpful and reduce the shame of the person experiencing them. 1. SEXUAL ORIENTATION OBSESSIONS OR SEXUAL ORIENTATION OCD It used to be called homosexual OCD. That was because predominantly people who were heterosexual were reporting having thoughts or sexual intrusive thoughts about their sexual orientation—am I gay, am I straight—and really struggling with having certainty about this. Again, now that we're more inclusive and that I think a lot more people are talking about sexuality, that we have a lot less shame, a lot more education, we scrapped the homosexual OCD or homosexual obsessions or subtype category. Now we have a more inclusive category, which is called sexual orientation OCD. That can include any body of any sexual orientation who has doubt and uncertainty about that. Now remember when we started, we talked about the fact that sexual intrusive thoughts are usually unwanted, they're repetitive and they don't line up with our values. What we are not talking about here is someone who is actually questioning their sexual orientation. I know a lot of people are. They're really exploring and being curious about different orientations that appeal to them. That's way different to the people who have sexual orientation OCD or sexual orientation obsessions. People with OCD are absolutely terrified of this unknown answer, and they feel an incredible sense of urgency to solve it. If you experience this, you may actually want to listen back. We've got a couple of episodes on this in the past. But it's really important to understand and we have to understand the nuance here that as you're doing treatment, we are very careful not to just sweep people under the rug and say, “This is your OCD,” because we want to be informed in knowing that, okay, you also do get to question your sexual orientation. But if it is a presentation of sexual orientation OCD, we will treat it like that and we will be very specific in reducing the compulsions that you're engaging in so that you can get some relief. That is the first one. 2. SEXUAL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT FAMILY OR SEXUAL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT INCEST Incest sexual OCD or that type of subtype is another very common one. But often, again, one that is not talked about enough in fear of being judged, in fear of having too much shame, in fear of being reported. When people have these types of obsessions, they often will have a thought like, “What if I'm attracted to my dad?” Or maybe they're with their sibling and they experience some arousal for reasons they don't know. Again, we talked about this in the arousal and anxiety episode, so go back and listen to that if you didn't. They may experience that, and that is where they will often say, “My brain broke. I feel like I had to solve that answer. I had to figure it out. I need to get complete certainty that that is not the case, and I need to know for sure.” The important thing to remember here is a lot of my patients, I will see and they may have some of these sexual intrusive thoughts, but their partners will say, “Yeah, I've had the same thoughts.” It's just that for the person without OCD, they don't experience that same degree of distress. They blow it off. It doesn't really land in their brain. It's just like a fleeting thought. Whereas people with OCD, it's like the record got stuck and it's just repeating, repeating, repeating. The distress gets higher. The doubt and uncertainty get higher. Therefore, because of all of this bubbling kettle happening, there's this really strong urgency to relieve it with compulsions. 3. SEXUAL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT GOD OR ABOUT A RELIGIOUS LEADER This is one that's less common, or should I say less commonly reported. We actually don't have evidence of how common it is. I think a lot of people have so much shame and are so afraid of sinning and what that means that they may even not report it. But again, this is no different to having thoughts of incest, but this one is particularly focused on having sexual thoughts about God and needing to know what that means and trying to cleanse themselves of their perceived sin, of having that intrusive thought. It can make them question their religion. It can make them feel like they have to stop going to church. They may do a ton of compulsive prayer. They may do a ton of reassurance with certain religious leaders to make sure that they're not sinning or to relieve them of that uncertainty and that distaste and distress. These are all very common symptoms of people who have sexual intrusive thoughts about God. 4. BESTIALITY OBSESSIONS These are thoughts about pets and animals, and it's very common. It's funny, as we speak, I am recording this with a three-pound puppy sitting on my lap. We just got a three-pound puppy. It is a Malti-Poo puppy dog, and he's the cutest thing you've ever seen. But it's true that when you have a dog, you're having to take care of its genitals and wipe it up and its feces and its urine and clean and all the things, and it's common to have sexual intrusive thoughts about your pet or about your dog or your cat. Some people, again, with bestiality obsessions or bestiality OCD, have a tremendous repetitive degree of these thoughts. They're very distressing because they love their dog. They would never do anything to hurt their dog, but they can't stop having these thoughts or these feelings or these sensations, or even these urges. Again, all these presentations are the same, it's just that the content is different. We treat them the same when we're discussing it, but we're very careful with addressing the high level of shame and embarrassment, humiliation, guilt that they have for these thoughts. Guilt is a huge one with these sexual obsessions. People often feel incredibly guilty as if they've done something wrong for having these obsessions. These are a few. 5. PEDOPHILIA OBSESSIONS Now, for someone who has intrusive sexual thoughts and feelings and sensations and urges about children (POCD), they tend to be, in my experience, the most distressed. They tend to be, when I see them, the ones who come in absolutely completely taken over with guilt and shame. A lot of the time, they will have completely removed themselves from their child. They feel they're not responsible. They won't go near the parks. They won't go to family's birthday parties. They're so insistent on trying to never have these thoughts. Again, I understand. I don't blame them. But as we know, the more you try not to have a thought, what happens? The more you have it. The more you try and suppress a thought, the more you have it. That can get people in a very stuck cycle. SEXUAL OCD COMPULSIONS Let's move on now to really address different sexual OCD compulsions. Now, for all sexual obsessions, or what I should say is, for all obsessions in general, there are specific categories of compulsions and these are things again that we do to reduce or remove the discomfort and certainty, dread, doubt, and so forth. 1. Trigger Avoidance This is where you avoid the thing that may trigger your obsession or thought. Avoiding your dog, avoiding your child, avoiding your family member, avoiding people of the sexual orientation that you're having uncertainty about. 2. Actual Sex Avoidance We talked about that in the first episode. We talked a lot about how people avoid sex because of the anxiety that being intimate and sexual causes. 3. Mental Rumination This is a really common one for sexual intrusive thoughts because you just want to solve like why am I having it? What does it mean? You might be ruminating, what could that mean? And going over and over and over that a many, many time. 4. Mental Checking What you can also be doing here is checking for arousal. Next time you're around, let's say, a dog and you have bestiality obsessions, you might check to see if you're aroused. But just checking to see if you're aroused means that you get aroused. Now that you're aroused, you're now checking to see what that means and trying to figure that out and you're very distressed. We can see how often the compulsion that the person does actually triggers more and more and more distress. It may provide you a moment or a fleeting moment of relief, but then you actually have more distress. It usually brings on more uncertainty. We know that the more we try and control life, the more out of control we feel. That's a general rule. That's very much the case for these types of obsessive thoughts. 5. Pornography Use A lot of people who have sexual orientation OCD in particular, but any of these, they may actually use pornography as a way to get reassurance that they are of a certain sexual orientation, that they are not attracted to the orientation that they're having uncertainty about, or they're not attracted to animals or God or a family member because they were aroused watching pornography. That becomes a form of self-reassurance. There's two types of reassurance. One is reassurance where we go to somebody else and say, “Are you sure I wouldn't do that thing? Are you sure that thing isn't true? Are you sure I don't have that? I'm not that bad a person?” The other one is really giving reassurance to yourself, and that's a very common one with pornography use. SEXUAL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS PTSD There are some sexual intrusive thought examples, including specific obsessions and subtypes, and also compulsions. But one sexual intrusive thought example I also wanted to address is not OCD-related; it's actually related to a different diagnosis, which is called PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Often for people who have been sexually assaulted or molested, they too may experience sexual intrusive thoughts in the form of memories or images of what happened to them or what could have happened to them. Maybe it's often some version of what happened to them, and that is a common presentation for PTSD. If you are experiencing PTSD, usually, there is a traumatic event that is related to the obsession or the thoughts. They usually are in association or accompanied by flashbacks. There are many other symptoms. I'm not a PTSD specialist, but there's a high level of distress, many nightmares. You may have flashbacks, as I've said. Panic is a huge part of PTSD as well. That is common. If you have had a traumatic event, I would go and see a specialist and help them to make sure that they've diagnosed you correctly so that you can get the correct care. SEXUAL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS TREATMENT If you have OCD and you're having some of these sexual intrusive thoughts, the best treatment for you to go and get immediately is Exposure and Response Prevention. This is a particular type of cognitive behavioral therapy where you can learn to change your reaction, break yourself out of that cycle of obsessions, anxiety, compulsions, and then feed yourself back into the loop around and around. You can break that cycle and return back to doing the things you want and have a different reaction to the thoughts that you have. PEOPLE ASK HOW TO STOP SEXUAL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS? Often people will come to me and say, “How do I stop these sexual intrusive thoughts?” I will quickly say to them, “You don't. The more you try and stop them, the more you're going to have. But what we can do is we can act very skillfully in intervening, not by preventing the thoughts, but by changing how we relate and respond to those thoughts.” For those of you who don't know, I have a whole course on this called ERP School. ERP is for Exposure and Response Prevention. I'll show you how you can do this on your own, or you can reach out to me and we can talk about whether if you're in the states where we're licensed, one of my associates can help you one-on-one. If you're not in a state where I belong, reach out to the IOCDF and see if you can find someone who treats OCD using ERP in your area. Because the truth is, you don't have to suffer having these thoughts. There is a treatment to help you manage these thoughts and help you be much more comfortable in response to those thoughts. Of course, the truth here is you're never going to like them. Nobody likes these thoughts. The goal isn't to like them. The goal isn't to make them go away. The goal isn't to prove them wrong even; it's just to change your reaction to one that doesn't keep that cycle going. That is the key component when it comes to sexual intrusive thoughts treatment or OCD treatment. That's true for any subtype of OCD because there are many other subtypes as well. That's it, guys. I could go on and on and on and on about this, but I want to be respectful of your time. The main goal again is just to normalize that these thoughts happen. For some people, it happens more than others. The goal, if you can take one thing away from today, it would be, try not to assign meaning to the duration and frequency of which you have these thoughts. Often people will say, “I have them all day. That has to mean something.” I'm here to say, “Let's not assign meaning to these thoughts at all. Thoughts are thoughts. They come and they go. They don't have meaning and we want to practice not assigning meaning to them so we don't strengthen that cycle.” I hope that was helpful for you guys. I know it was a ton of information. I hope it was super, super helpful. I am so excited to continue with this. Next week, we are talking about menopause and anxiety, which we have an amazing doctor again. I want to talk about things with people who are really skilled in this area. We have a medical doctor coming on talking about menopause and the impact of anxiety. And then we're going to talk about PMS and anxiety, and that will hopefully conclude our sexual health and anxiety series. Thank you so much for being here. I love you guys so much. Thank you from me and from Theo, our beautiful little baby puppy. I will see you next week.

god ptsd sexual guilt panic obsessive compulsive disorder exposure pms unwanted sexual health erp intrusive thoughts subtypes response prevention iocdf lauren fogel mersy

Off Exit 10- E30- Tom Smalley

Off Exit 10 Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 18, 2023 90:39

Tom Smalley received his Masters of Science in Exercise and Sports Science with a concentration in Strength and Conditioning from Merrimack College. He is a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist through the National Strength and Conditioning Association. In addition, he holds a USAW Level 1 Weightlifting Coaching certification and a Level 1 Coaching certification from Precision Nutrition. He is currently the Head Strength & Conditioning Coach at Impact Athletic Center and co-created Anxiety in Athletes – a task force and online resource center with the help of the IOCDF. Smalley has a strong passion for weightlifting and began competing in 2021, 8 years after his mental health forced him to put a halt to his athletic career. He's also the host of Small's Talk, a podcast, where he takes you on a faith-filled journey to de-stigmatize mental health in athletics and uncover your path to peak performance. You can learn more about Tom at struggleintostrength.com. Sponsors: ANCORE. Named the best portable cable machine by Men's Health Home Gym Awards. Head over to ancoretraining.com/cdsf10 and use promo code CDSF10 for $50 off your order today. Drink Alchemy. By combining the most potent organic nootropics found in nature – Drink Alchemy delivers sustainable boosts to creativity, memory, energy, & focus in one epic beverage. Enjoy the benefits of real ingredients, natural nootropics, and live with your Mind Unbound by going to drinkalchemy.co and use code CDSF at checkout for 10% off your order today.

Mike Heady: Inference-based Cognitive-Behavior Therapy (I-CBT) (#377)

anxiety maryland act obsessive compulsive disorder erp inference heady cognitive behavior therapy training institute ibt adaa iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 16, 2023 58:53

In episode 377 I chat with Mike Heady. Mike (LCPC) is the Co-Owner & Co-Director of the Anxiety and Stress Disorders Institute of Maryland where he has specialized in the treatment of OCD, anxiety disorders, and related conditions for the last 16-years. He is a faculty member of the IOCDF's Training Institute and is a regular presenter at annual conferences for the IOCDF and ADAA. We discuss what's new with him, what is inference-based cognitive behavioural therapy (I-CBT), the name change from inference-based therapy (IBT) to I-CBT, what I-CBT therapy looks like for OCD, inferential confusion, doubt, the concept of reality sensing, can I-CBT be integrated with exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), vulnerable self themes, and much more. Hope it helps. Show notes: https://theocdstories.com/episode/mike-377 The podcast is made possible by NOCD. NOCD offers effective, convenient therapy available in the US and outside the US. To find out more about NOCD, their therapy plans and if they currently take your insurance head over to https://go.treatmyocd.com/theocdstories Join our Patreon to see the video versions of the podcast ad-free and other perks: https://www.patreon.com/theocdstoriespodcast

90. Experience with Faith, Church and OCD with Erika McCoy

Hope for Anxiety and OCD

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 15, 2023 33:18

On today's episode, I'm joined by Erika McCoy, an IOCDF grassroots advocate to talk about her experience with Church, Faith and OCD.How did her OCD develop and why it took a long time for her to get diagnosedTraumatic experiences that triggered her OCD and how she coped with themDealing with her pastors' and friends' reactions to her OCDWhat OCD taught her about life and her faith.Her advocacy work at International OCD FoundationRelated links and Resources:https://www.instagram.com/scrupulocd_kc/https://iocdf.org/Support the show!If you enjoy the podcast and want to support what we're doing via monthly subscription, go to www.patreon.com/hopeforanxietyandocdOne-time gifts at: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/hopeforanxietyJoin our Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/hopeforanxietyandocd/Subscribe to our newsletter: https://hopeforanxietyandocd.com/Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hopeforanxietyandocdpodcast and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/hopeforanxietyandocd for the latest updates and sneak peeks.

church obsessive compulsive disorder mccoy faith church iocdf

PSP 305: CBT vs ERP Treatment for OCD

AT Parenting Survival Podcast: Parenting | Child Anxiety | Child OCD | Kids & Family

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 14, 2023 43:15

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) are not the same. Many parents seeking treatment for OCD are not aware of that and search just for a CBT therapist.ERP is a specific type of CBT that provides evidenced-based treatment for those with OCD.In this week's AT Parenting Survival Podcast I explain the difference between CBT and ERP as well as how to find a therapist trained in ERP.IOCDF.org/find-helpwww.TreatmyOCD.com****This podcast episode is sponsored by NOCD. NOCD provides online OCD therapy in the US, UK, Australia and Canada. To schedule your free 15 minute consultation to see if NOCD is a right fit for you and your child, go tohttps://go.treatmyocd.com/at_parentingThis podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the guidance of a qualified professional.To join the AT Parenting Community go to: www.ATparentingcommunity.comVisit my website at www.ATparentingSurvival.comSign up for my weekly email newsletter:https://pages.convertkit.com/740ba8cd83/92109b7172Take one of my online classes:To view the entire online school library, go to:http://www.ATparentingSurvivalSchool.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

canada australia uk treatments acast obsessive compulsive disorder cbt erp cognitive behavioral therapy cbt comsign iocdf exposure response prevention erp

The Emotional Toll of OCD | Ep. 327

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 10, 2023 52:12

In this episode, we are talking about the emotional toll of OCD. Kim: Welcome back, everybody. This week is going to include three of some of my most favorite people on this entire planet. We have the amazing Chris Trondsen, Alegra Kastens, and Jessica Serber—all dear friends of mine—on the podcast. This is the first time I've done an episode with more than one guest. Now, this was actually a presentation that the four of us did at multiple IOCDF conferences. It was a highly requested topic. We were talking a lot about trauma and OCD, shame and OCD, the stigma of OCD, guilt and OCD, and the depression and grief that goes with OCD. After we presented it, it actually got accepted to multiple different conferences, so we all agreed, after doing it multiple times and having such an amazing turnout, that we should re-record the entire conversation and have it on the podcast. I'm so grateful for the three of them. They all actually join me on Super Bowl Sunday—I might add—to record this episode. I am going to really encourage you to drop down into your vulnerable self and listen to what they have to say, and note the validation and acknowledgment that they give throughout the episode. It is a deep breath. That's what this episode is. Before we get into this show, let me just remind you again that we are recording live the Overcoming Depression course this weekend. On March 11th, March 18th, and March 25th, at 9:00 AM Pacific Standard Time, I will be recording the Overcoming Depression course. I am doing it live this time. If you're interested in coming on live as I record it, you can ask your questions, you can work along with me. There'll be workbooks. I'll be giving you a lot of strategies and a lot of tools to help you overcome depression. If you're interested, go to CBTSchool.com/depression. We will be meeting again, three dates in March, starting tomorrow, the 11th of March, at 9:00 AM Pacific Time. You will need to sign up ahead of time. But if for any reason you miss one of them, you can watch the replay. The replays will be uploaded. You'll have unlimited on-demand access to any of them. You'll get to hear me answering people's questions. This is the first time I've ever recorded a course live. I really felt it was so important to do it live because I knew people would have questions and I wanted to address them step by step in a manageable, bite-sized way. Again, CBTSchool.com/depression, and I will see you there. Let's get over to this incredible episode. Again, thank you, Chris Trondsen. Thank you, Alegra Kastens. Thank you, Jessica Serber. It is an honor to call you my friend and my colleague. Enjoy everybody. Kim: Welcome. This has been long, long. I've been waiting so long to do this and I'm so thrilled. This is my first time having multiple guests at once. I have three amazing guests. I'm going to let them introduce themselves. Jessica, would you like to go first? Jessica: I'm Jessica Serber. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I have a practice specializing in the treatment of OCD and related anxiety and obsessive-compulsive spectrum disorders in Los Angeles. I'm super passionate about working with OCD because my sister has OCD and I saw her get her life back through treatment. So, I have so much hope for everyone in this treatment process. Kim: Fantastic. So happy to have you. Chris? Chris: Hi everyone. My name is Chris Trondsen. I am also a licensed marriage family therapist here in Orange County, California at a private group practice. Besides being a therapist, I also have OCD myself and body dysmorphic disorder, both of which I specialize in treatment. Because of that, I'm passionate about advocacy. I am one of the lead advocates for the International OCD Foundation, as well as on their board and the board of OCD Southern California, as well as some leadership on some of their special interest groups. Kind of full circle for me, have OCD and now treat it. Kim: Amazing. Alegra? Alegra: My name is Alegra Kastens and I am a licensed therapist in the states of California and New York. I'm the founder of the Center for OCD, Anxiety and Eating Disorders. Like Chris, I have lived experience with OCD, anxiety, eating disorders, and basically everything, so I'm very passionate. We got a lot going on up here. I'm really passionate about treating OCD, educating, advocating for the disorder, and that is what propelled me to pursue a career as a therapist and then also to build my online platform, @obsessivelyeverafter on Instagram. GRIEF AND OCD Kim: Amazing. We have done this presentation before, actually, multiple times over the years. I feel like an area that I want to drop into as deeply as we can today to really look at the emotional toll of having and experiencing and recovering from OCD. We're going to have a real conversation style here. But first, we'll follow the format that we've used in the past. Let's first talk about grief and OCD because I think that that seems to be a lot of the reason we all came together to present on this. Alegra, would you talk specifically about some of the losses that result from having OCD? I know this actually was inspired by an Instagram post that you had put out on Instagram, so do you want to share a little bit about what those emotional losses are? Alegra: For sure. I think that number one, what a lot of people with OCD experience is what feels like a loss of identity. When OCD really attacks your values, attacks your core as a human being, whether it's pedophile obsession, sexual orientation obsessions, harm obsessions, you really start to grieve the person that you once thought you were. Of course, nothing has actually changed about you, but because of OCD, it really feels like it has. In addition to identity, there's lost relationships, there's lost time, lost experiences. For me, I dropped out of my bachelor's degree and I didn't get the four years of undergrad that a lot of people experienced. I mean, living with OCD is one of the most debilitating, difficult things to do. And that means, if you're fighting this battle and trying to survive, you probably are missing out on life and developmental milestones. Kim: Right. Was that the case for you too, Chris? Chris: Yeah. I actually host a free support group for families and one of the persons with OCD was speaking yesterday talking about how having OCD was single-handedly the most negatively impactful experience in his life. He is dealt with a lot of loss. I feel the same way. It's just not something you could shake off and recover from in the sense of just pretending nothing happened. I know for me, the grief was hard. I mean, I had mapped out what I thought my life was going to look like. I think my first stage of grief, because I think it became two stages, my first, like Alegra said, was about the loss. I always wanted to go to college and be around people in my senior year, like make friends and things like that. It's just my life became smaller and smaller. I became housebound. I missed out on normal activities, and six years of my life were pretty much spent alone. I think what Alegra also alluded to, which was the second layer of grief, was less about the things that I lost, but who I became. I didn't recognize myself in those years with OCD. I think it's hard to explain to somebody else what it's like to literally not live as yourself. I let things happen to me or I did things that I would never do in the mind state that I am in now. I was always such a brave and go-for-it kind of person and confident and I just became a shell of myself. I grieve a lot of the years lost, a lot of the things I always wanted to do, and places I wanted to go. And then I grieve the person I became because it was nothing I ever thought I could become. Kim: Jessica, will you speak also to just the events that people miss out on? I don't know if you want to speak about what you see with your clients or even with your sibling, like just the milestones that they missed and the events they missed. Jessica: Yeah, absolutely. My sister was really struggling the most with her OCD during middle school and high school. Those are such formative years, to begin with. I would say, she was on the fortunate end of the spectrum of being diagnosed relatively early on in her life. I mean, she definitely had symptoms from a very, very young age, but still, getting that diagnosis in middle school is so much before a lot of people get that. I mean, I work with people who aren't diagnosed until their twenties, thirties, and sometimes even later. Different things that most adolescents would go through she didn't. Speaking to the identity piece that Alegra brought up, a big part of her identity was being a sports fan. She was a diehard Clippers fan, and that's how everyone knew her. It was like her claim to fame. She didn't even want to go to Clippers games. My dad was trying to get tickets to try to get her excited about something to get out of the house. She missed certain events in high school because it was too anxiety-provoking to go and it was more comforting to know she could stay in the safety of the home. Their experiences all throughout the lifespan, I think that can be impacted. Even if you're not missing out on them entirely, a lot of people talk about remembering those experiences as tainted by the memories of OCD, even if they got to go experience them. Kim: Right. For me, as a clinician, I often hear two things. One is the client will say something to the likes of, “I've lost my way. I was going in this direction and I've completely lost the path I was supposed to go on.” I think that is a full grief process. I think we've associated grief with the death of people, but it's not. It's deeper than that and it's about like you're talking about, identity and events and occasions. The other thing that I hear is—actually, we can go totally off script here in terms of we've talked about this in the past separately—people think that once they're recovered, they will live a really happy life and that they'll feel happy now. Like, “Oh, the relief is here, I've recovered.” But I think there is a whole stage of grief that follows during recovery and then after recovery. Do you have any thoughts on that, anybody? Alegra: Well, yeah. I think it reminds me a lot of even my own experience, but my client's experiences of when you recover, there tends to be grief about life before OCD. If I'm being perfectly honest, my life will just never be what it was before OCD, and it's different and wonderful in so many ways that maybe it wouldn't be if I didn't have OCD. But I'm laughing because when you were like, “I'm going to mark my calendar in July because you're probably going to have a relapse,” then I have to deal with it every six months. My brain just goes off for like two weeks. I don't know why it happens. It's just my OCD brain, and there's grief associated with that. I can go for six months and I have some intrusive thoughts, but it doesn't really do anything to me to write back in it for two weeks. That's something I have to deal with and I have to get to that acceptance place in the grieving process. I'm not going to have the brain that I did before OCD when I didn't have a single unwanted sexual thought. That just isn't happening. I think we think that we're going to get to this place after recovery, and it's like game over, I forget everything that happened in the past, but we have to remember that OCD can be traumatizing for people. Trauma is stored in the body. The brain is impacted and I think that we can carry that with us afterwards. Kim: Right. Chris: Yeah. I mean, everything that Alegra was saying—I'll never forget. I always joke, but I thought when treatment was done, rainbows were going to shoot out and butterflies. I was going to jump on my very own unicorn and ride off to the sunset. But it was like a bomb had gone off and I had survived the blast, but everything around me was completely pulverized. I just remember thinking, what do I do now? I remember going on social media to look up some of my friends from high school because my OCD got really, really bad after high school. I just remember everybody was starting to date or marry or travel and move on and I'm like, “Great, I live in my grandma's basement. I don't have anything on my calendar. I'm not dating, I don't have any friends. What do I do?” I was just completely like, “Okay, I don't even know where to begin.” I felt so lost. Anything I did just didn't feel right. Like Alegra said, there was so much aftermath that I had to deal with. I had to deal with the fact that I was lost and confused and I was angry and I had all these emotions. I had these memories of just driving around. As part of my OCD, I had multiple subtypes—sexual intrusive thoughts, harm thoughts. I remember contamination, stores around me would get dirty, so I'd be driving hours to buy products from non-dirty stores at 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning, crying outside of a store because they were closed or didn't have the product I need, getting home and then my checking would kick in. You left something at the store, driving back. You just put yourself through all these different things that are just not what you would ever experience. I see it with my clients. One client sticks in mind who was in his eighties and after treatment, getting better. He wasn't happy and he is like, “I'm so happy, Chris. You helped me put OCD in remission. But I now realize that I never got married because I was scared of change. I never left the house that I hated in the city I didn't really like because I was afraid of what would happen if I moved.” He's like, “I basically lived my OCD according to OCD'S rules and I'm just really depressed about that.” I know we're going to talk about the positive sides and how to heal in the second half, but this is just really what OCD can ravish on our lives. Kim: Right. Jessica: If I can add one thing too really quickly, something I really think is a common experience too is that once healing happens, even if people do get certain parts of their lives back and feel like they can function again in the ways that they want to, there's always this sense of foreboding joy, that it feels good and I'm happy, but I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time. Or what if I go back to how I was and I lose all my progress? Even when there are those periods of joy and happiness and fulfillment, they might also be accompanied with some anxiety and some what-ifs. Of course, we can work on that and should work on that in treatment too because we want to maximize those periods of joy as much as we can. But that's something that I commonly see, that the anxiety sticks around just in different ways. OCD, SHAME, & GUILT Kim: Yeah, for sure. I see that very commonly too. Let's talk now about OCD, shame, and guilt. I'll actually go straight to you, Jessica, because I remember you speaking about this beautifully. Can you explain the difference between shame and guilt specifically related to how it may show up with OCD? Jessica: Yeah. I mean, they're definitely related feelings but they are different. I think the simplest way to define the difference is guilt says, “I did something bad,” whereas shame says, “I am bad.” Shame is really an identity-based emotion and we see a lot of shame with any theme of OCD. It can show up in lots of different ways, but definitely with some of the themes that are typically classified as Pure O—the sexual intrusive thoughts or unwanted harm thoughts, scrupulosity, blasphemous thoughts. There can be a lot of shame around a person really identifying with their thoughts and what it means about them. Attaching that, meaning about what it means about them. And then of course, there can also be guilt, which I think feels terrible as well, but it's like a shame light where it's like, “I did something wrong by having this thought,” or just guilt for maybe something that they've thought or a compulsion that they've done because of their OCD. Kim: Yeah. I've actually also experienced a lot of clients saying they feel guilty because of the impact their OCD has had on their loved ones too. They're suffering to the biggest degree, but they're also carrying the guilt of like, “I've caused suffering to my family,” or “I'm a financial burden to my parents with the therapy and the psychiatrist.” I think that there's that secondary guilt that shows up for a lot of people as well, which we can clump in as an outcome or a consequence or an experience of having OCD. Chris: Yeah. I mean, right before you said this, Kim, I was thinking for me personally, that was literally what I was going to say. I have a younger sister. She's a couple of years younger than me and I just put her through hell. She was one of the first people that just felt the OCD's wrath because I was so stressed out. She and I shared a lot of the same spaces in the home, so we'd have a lot of fights. Also, when I was younger, because she looks nothing like me—she actually looks more like you, Kim, blonde hair, blue eyes—people didn't know we were related. People would always say things like, “Oh, is that your girlfriend?” So then I'd have a lot of ancestral intrusive thoughts that caused a lot of harm to me, so I'd get mad at her. Because I was young, I didn't know better. And then just the hell I put my mom through. I always think about just like, wow, once again, that's not who Chris is. I would jump in front of eight bullets for both my mom and my sister. I remember one time I needed something because I felt dirty, and my mom hit our spending money so that if there was an emergency. My sister knew where it was and she wouldn't give it to me. I remember taking a lighter and lighting it and being like, “I'll burn your hair if you don't give me the money,” because I was so desperate to buy it because that's how intense the OCD was. I remember she and I talking about that and it just feels like a different human. Once again, it's more than just guilt. It's shame of who I had become because of it and not even recognizing the boy I was now compared to the man I am now, way than man now. OCD AND ANGER Kim: One thing we haven't talked a lot about, but Chris, you just spoke to it, and I've actually been thinking about this a lot. Let's talk about OCD and anger because I think that is another emotional toll of OCD. A lot of clients I've had—even just recently, I've been thinking about this a lot—sometimes instead of doing compulsions, they have an anger outburst or maybe as well as compulsions. Does anyone want to speak to those waves of frustration and anger that go around these thoughts that we have or intrusive whatever obsessions in any way, but in addition, the compulsions you feel you have to do when you have OCD? Alegra: I feel like sometimes there can be maybe a deeper, more painful emotion that's underneath that anger, which can be shame or it can be guilt, but it feels like anger is maybe easier to express. But also, there just is inherent anger that comes up with having to live with this. I remember one time in my own personal therapy, my therapist was trying to relate and she pulled out this picture that she had like an, I don't know, eight-year-old client with OCD and was like, “She taps herself a lot.” I screamed at her at that moment. I was like, “Put that fucking picture away, and don't ever show that to me again. I do not want to be compared to an eight-year-old who taps himself, like I will tap myself all day fucking long, so long as I don't have these sexually unwanted thoughts about children.” I was so angry at that moment because it just felt like what I was dealing with was so much more taboo and shameful. I was angry a lot of the time. I don't think we can answer the question of, why? Why did I have to experience this? Why did someone else not have to experience this? And that anger is valid. The other thing that I want to add is that anger does not necessarily mean that we are now going to act on our obsessions because I think clients get very afraid of that. I remember one time I was so fucking pissed at my coworker. He was obnoxious when I worked in PR, and I was so mad at him, I had to walk outside and regulate. And then instantly, of course, my brain went, “You want his kid to die?” or whatever it was. I felt like, oh my God, I must really want this to happen because I'm mad at him. In terms of anger, we can both feel angry and not align with unwanted thoughts that arise. CAN OCD CAUSE ANGER ISSUES? Kim: Right. OCD can attack the emotions that you experience, like turn it back on you. It's funny, I was doing a little bit of research for this and I typed in ‘OCD in anger.' I was looking to see what was out there. What was so fascinating to me is, you know when you type something in on Google, it shows all of the other things that are commonly typed in. At the very top was ‘Can OCD cause anger issues?' I was like, that is so interesting, that obviously, loved ones or people with OCD are searching for this because it's so normal, I think, to have a large degree of just absolute rage over what you've been through, how much you've suffered, just the torment and what's been lost, as we've already talked about. I just thought that was really fascinating to see, that that's obviously something that people are struggling with. Chris: When you think about it, when we're struggling with OCD, the parts of our brain that are trying to protect us are on fire or on high alert. If you always think about that, I always think of a feral dog. If you're trying to get him help, then he starts to bite. That's how I honestly felt. My anger was mostly before I was diagnosed, and once again, like I said, breaking things at home, screaming, yelling at my family, intimidating them, and stuff. I know that once again, that wasn't who I am at the course. When I finally got a diagnosis, I know for me, the anger dissipated. I was still angry, but the outbursts and the rage, and I think the saddest thing I hear from a lot of my clients is they tell me, I think people think I'm this selfish and spoiled and bratty and angry person. I'm not. I just cannot get a break. I always remind parents that as your loved one or spouses, et cetera—as your loved one gets better, that anger will subside. It won't vanish, it won't disappear, it may change into different emotions, like Alegra was saying, to guilt and to shame and loss of identity. But that rage a lot of times is because we just don't know what to do and we feel attacked constantly with OCD. Kim: Yeah. Jessica: I also want to validate the piece that anger is a really natural and normal stage of grief. I like that you're differentiating, Chris, between the rage that a lot of people experience in it versus maybe just a different type of anger that can show up after when you recognize how—I think, Alegra, you brought up—we can't answer the question of, why did this happen to me? Or “I missed out on all these times or years of my life that I can't get back.” Anger is not a problem. It's not an issue when it shows up like that. It's actually a very healthy natural part of grief. We want to obviously process it in ways that really honor that feeling and tend to that feeling in a helpful way. I just wanted to point out that part as well. DO YOU CONSIDER HAVING OCD A TRAUMATIC EVENT? Kim: Yeah, very, very helpful. This is for everybody and you can chime in, but I wanted to just get a poll even. Alegra spoke on this a little bit already. Do you consider having OCD a traumatic event? Alegra: A hundred thousand percent. I'm obviously not going to trauma dump on all of you all, but boy, would I love to. I have had quite a few of what's classified as big T traumas, which I even hate the differentiation of big T, sexual assault, abuse, whatever. I have had quite a bit of big T traumas and I have to say that OCD has been the most traumatizing thing I have been through and I think we'll ever go through. It bothers me how much I think gatekeeping can happen in our community. Like, no, it's only trauma if you've been assaulted, it's only trauma if X, Y, and Z. I have a lot of big T trauma and I'm here to say that OCD hands down, like I would go through all of that big T trauma 15 times over to not have OCD, 100%. I think Chris can just add cherries to the cake, whatever that phrase is. Chris: Yeah. This is actually how the title, the Emotional Toll of OCD, came about. We had really talked about this. I was really inspired mainly by Alegra talking about the trauma of OCD and I was like, finally, someone put the right word because I always felt that other words didn't really speak to my personal experience and the experience I see with clients. We had submitted it for a talk and it got denied. I remember they liked it so much that they literally had a meeting with you and I, Kim, and we're like, “We actually really love this. We just got to figure out a way to change it.” Like Alegra was saying, a lot of the people that were part of a trauma special interest group just said, “Look, we can't be using the word ‘trauma' like this.” But we had a good talk about it. It's like, I do believe it's trauma. I always feel weird talking about him because sometimes he listens to my stuff, but still, I'll say it anyways. But my dad will hopefully be the first to admit it. But there were a lot of physical altercations between he and I that were inappropriate—physical abuse, emotional abuse, yelling, screaming. Like Alegra said, I would relive that tenfold than go through the depths of my OCD again where I attempted suicide, where I isolated, where I didn't even recognize myself. If ‘trauma' isn't the correct word, we only watered it down to emotional toll just to make DSM-5 folks happy. But if ‘trauma' isn't the word, I don't know what is, because like I said, trauma was okay to describe the pain I went through childhood, but in my personal experience, it failed in comparison to the trauma that I went through with OCD. Alegra: I also want to add something. Maybe I'm wrong, but if I'm thinking about the DSM definition, I think it's defining post-traumatic stress disorder. I don't think it's describing trauma specifically. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's criteria for PTSD. I will be the first to say and none of you have to agree. I think that you can have PTSD from living with OCD. DSM-wise diagnostically, you can't. But I think when people are like, “Well, that's not the definition of trauma in the DSM,” no, they're defining PTSD. It's like, yeah, some people have anxiety and don't have an anxiety disorder. You can experience trauma and not have full-blown PTSD. That's my understanding of it. Kim: Yeah. It's funny because I don't have OCD, so I am an observer to it. What I think is really interesting is I can be an observer to someone who's been through, like you've talked about, a physical assault or a sexual assault and so forth, and they may report I'm having memories of the event and wake up with the physiology of my heart beating and thoughts racing. But then I'll have clients with OCD who will have these vivid memories of having to wash their hands and the absolute chaos of, “I can't touch this. Oh my God, please don't splash the water on me,” Memories of that and nightmares of that and those physiological experiences. They're remembering the events that they felt so controlled and so stuck in. That's where for me, I was, with Chris, really advocating for. These moments imprint our brain right in such a deep way. Alegra: Yeah. I'm reading this book, not to tell everyone to buy this book, but it's by Dr. Bruce Perry and he does a bunch of research on trauma and the brain. Basically, the way that he describes it is like when we experience something and it gets associated. Let's say, for instance, there are stores that I could go to and I could still feel that very visceral feeling that I did when I was suffering. Part of that is how trauma is stored in the brain. Even if you logically know I'm not in that experience now, I'm not in the war zone or I'm not in the depths of my OCD suffering, just the store, let's say, being processed through the lower part of your brain can bring up all of those associations. So, it does do something to the brain. Kim: Right. Chris: Absolutely. I was part of a documentary and it was the first time I went back to the home that I had attempted suicide, and the police got called the hospital and all that. It was a bad choice. They didn't push me into it. It was my idea because I haven't gone back there, had no clue how I'd react and I broke down. I mean, broke down in a dry heaving way that I never knew I could and we had to stop filming and we left. Where I was at my worst of OCD was there and also at my grandma's house because that's where I moved right after the suicide attempt. I'd have people around me, and still going down to the basement area that I lived in. It is very hard. I rarely do it. So, I have a reaction. To me, it was like, if that isn't once again trauma, I don't know what is. Alegra: It is. Chris: Exactly. I'll never forget there was a woman that was part of a support group I ran. She was in her seventies and she had gone through cancer twice. I remember her telling the group that she's like, “I'll go through cancer a third time before I'll ever go back to my worst of OCD.” Obviously, we're not downplaying these other experiences—PTSD, trauma, cancer, horrible things, abuse, et cetera. What we're saying is that OCD takes a lasting imprint and it's something that I have not been able to shake. I've done so much advocacy, so much therapy, so much as a therapist and I don't still struggle, but the havoc it has on my life, that's something I think is going to be imprinted for life. Alegra: Forever. Jessica: Also, part of the definition of trauma is having a life-threatening experience. What you're speaking to, Chris, you had a suicide attempt during that time. Suicidality is common with OCD. Suicidal ideation, it's changing your life. I think Alegra, you said, “I'll never have the life or the brain that I had before OCD.” These things that maybe it's not, well, some of them are actually about real confrontation with death, but these real life-changing, life-altering experiences that potentially also drive some people to have thoughts or feelings about wanting to not be alive anymore. I just think that element is there. Alegra: That's so brilliant, Jessica, because that is so true. If we're thinking about it being life-threatening and life-altering, it was life-threatening for me. I got to the point where I was like, “If something doesn't change, I will kill myself. I will.” That is life-threatening to a person. I would be driving on the freeway like, “Do I just turn the car? Do I just turn it now? Because I was so just fucking done with what was happening in my brain.” Kim: It feels crisis. Alegra: Yeah. Kim: It's like you're experiencing a crisis in that moment, and I think that that's absolutely valid. Alegra: It's an extended crisis. For me, it was a crisis of three to four years. I never had a break. Not when I was sleeping. I mean, never. Chris: I was just going to add that I hear in session almost daily, people are like, “If I just don't wake up tomorrow, I'm fine. I'd never do anything, but if I just don't wake up tomorrow, I'm fine.” We know this is the norm. The DSM talks about 50% of individuals with OCD have suicidal ideation, 25% will attempt. This is what people are going through as they enter treatment or before treatment. They just feel like, “If I just don't wake up or if something were to happen to me, I'd actually be at peace with it.” It's a really alarming number. THE EMOTIONAL TOLL OF OCD TREATMENT Kim: Right. Let's move. I love everything that you guys are saying and I feel like we've really acknowledged the emotional toll really, the many ways that it universally impacts a person emotionally and in all areas of their lives. I'm wondering if you guys could each, one at a time or bounce it off each other, share what you believe are some core ways in which we can manage these emotional tolls, bruises left, or scars left from having OCD? Jessica, do you want to go first? Jessica: Sure. I guess the first thing that comes to mind is—I'll speak from the therapist perspective—if you're a therapist specializing in treating OCD, make sure you leave room to talk about these feelings that we're bringing up. Of course, doing ERP and doing all of the things to treat OCD is paramount and we want to do that first and foremost if possible. But if you're not also leaving room for your client to process this grief, process through and challenge their shame, just hold space for the anger and maybe talk about it. Let your client have that anger experience in a safe space. We're missing a huge, huge part of that person's healing if we're leaving that out. Maybe I'll piggyback on what you two say, but that's just the baseline that I wanted to put out there. Chris: I could go next. I would say the first thing is what Jess said. We have to treat the whole person. I think it's great when a client's Y-BOCS score has gone down and symptomology is not a daily impact. However, all the things that we talked about, we aren't unicorns. This is what many of our clients are going through and there has to be space for the therapist to validate, to address, and to help heal. I would say the biggest thing that I believe moves you past where we've been talking about is re-identity formation. We just don't recognize until you get better how nearly every single decision we make is based off of our OCD fears, that some way or another, what we listen to, how we speak, what direction we drive, what we buy. I mean, everything we do is, will the OCD be okay with this? Will this harm me, et cetera? One of the things I do with all my clients before I complete treatment is I start to help them figure out who they are. I say, “Let's knock everything we know. What are the parts of yourself that you organically feel are you and you love? Let's flourish those. Let's water those. Let's help those grow. What are some other things that you would be doing if OCD hadn't completely ransacked your life? Do you spend time with family? Are you somebody that wants to give back to communities? What things do you like to do when you're alone?” I help clients and it was something I did after my own treatment, like re-fall in love and be impressed with yourself and start to rebuild. I tell clients, one of the things that helped me flip it and I try to do it with them is instead of looking at it like, “This is hard, this is tough,” look at it as an opportunity. We get to take that pause, reconnect with ourselves and start to go in a direction that is absolutely going to move as far away from the OCD selves as possible, but also to go to the direction of who we are. Obviously, for me, becoming a therapist and advocate is what's helped me heal, and not everybody will go that route. But when they're five months, six months, a year after the hard part of their treatment and they're doing the things they always picture they could do and reconnecting with the people that they love, I start to see their light grow again and the OCD starts to fade. That's really the goal. Alegra: I think something that I'll add—again, I don't want to be the controversial one, but maybe I will be—is there might be, yes. Can I get canceled after this in the community? There might be some kind of trauma work that somebody might need to do after OCD treatment, after symptoms are managed, and this is where we need to find nuance. Obviously, treatments like EMDR are not evidence-based for OCD, but if somebody has been really traumatized by OCD, maybe there is some kind of somatic experience, some kind of EMDR, or some kind of whatever it might be to really help work on that emotional impact that might still be affecting the person. It's important of course to find a therapist who understands OCD, who isn't reassuring you and you're falling back into your symptoms. But I have had clients successfully go through trauma therapy for the emotional impact OCD had and said it was tremendously helpful. That might be something to consider as well. If you do all the behavioral work and you still feel like, “I am really in the trenches emotionally,” we might need to add something else in. Chris: I actually don't think that's controversial, Alegra. I think that what you're speaking-- Alegra: I don't either, but a lot of clinicians do. Jessica: No, I agree. I think a lot of people will, and it's been a part of my recovery. I don't talk about a lot for that very reason. But after I was done with treatment, I didn't feel like I needed an OCD therapist anymore. I was doing extremely well, but all the emotions we'd been talking about, I was still experiencing. I found a clinician nearby because I was going on a four-hour round trip for treatment. I just couldn't go back to my therapist because of that. She actually worked with a lot of people that lost their lifestyle because of gambling. I went to her and I said, “What really spoke to me is how you help people rebuild their lives. I don't need to talk about OCD. If I need to, I'll go back to my old therapist. I need to figure out how to rebuild my life.” That's really what she did. She helped me work through a lot of the trauma with my dad and even got my dad to come to a session and work through that. We worked through living in the closet for my sexual orientation for so long and how hard coming out was because I came out while I was in the midst of OCD. It was a pretty horrible coming out experience. She helped me really work through that, work through the time lost and feeling behind my peers and I felt like a whole person leaving. I decided, as a clinician, I have to do that for my clients. I can't let my clients leave like I felt I left. It was no foul to my therapist. We just didn't talk about these other things. Now what I'll say as a clinician is, if I'm working with a client and I feel like I could be the one to help them, I'll keep them with me. I also know my limitations. Like Alegra was saying, if they had the OCD went down so other traumas came to surface and they've dealt with molestation or something like that, I know my limitations, but what I will make sure to do is refer to a clinician that I think can help them because once again, I think treating the whole client is so important. Kim: Yeah. There's two things I'll bring up in addition because I agree with everything you're saying. I don't think it's controversial. In fact, I often will say to my staff who see a lot of my clients, we want to either be doing, like Jessica said, some of the processing as we go or really offer after ERPs. “Do you need more support in this process of going back to the person you want?” That's a second level of treatment that I think can be super beautiful. As you're going too with exposures and so forth, you're asking yourself those questions like, what do I value? Take away OCD, what would I do? A lot of times, people are like, “I have no idea. I have really no idea,” like Chris then. I think that you can do it during treatment. You can also do it after, whichever feels best for you and your clinician. The other thing that I find shows up for my patients the most is they'll bring up the shame and the guilt, or they'll bring up the anger, they'll bring up the grief. And then there's this heavy layer of some judgment for having it. There's this heavy layer as if they don't deserve to have these emotions. Probably, the thing I say the most is, “It makes complete sense that you feel that way.” I think that we have to remember that. That every emotion that is so strong and almost dysregulating, it makes complete sense that you feel that way given what you're going through. I would just additionally say, be super compassionate and non-judgmental for these emotional waves that you're going to have to ride. I mean, think about the grief. This is the other thing. We don't go in and then process the grief and then often you're running. It's a wave. It's a process. It's a journey. It's going to keep coming and going. I think it's this readjustment on our thinking, like this is the life goal, the long-term practice now. It's not a one-and-done. Do you guys have thoughts? Jessica: I think as clinicians, validating that these are absolutely normal experiences and you deserve to be feeling this way is important because I think that sometimes, I don't think there's ill intent, but clinicians might gaslight their clients in a certain way by saying, “This isn't traumatic. This is not trauma. You can feel sad, but it is absolutely not a trauma,” and not validating that for a person can be really painful. I think as clinicians, we need to be open to the emotional impact that OCD has on a person and validate that so we're not sitting there saying, “Sorry, you can't use that word. This is not your experience. You can be sad, you can be whatever, but it's not trauma,” because I have seen that happen. Kim: Or a clinician saying, “It's not grief because no one died.” Jessica: Yeah. It was just hard. That was it. Get over it. Kim: Or look at how far you've come. Even that, it's a positive thing to say. It's a positive thing to say, but I think what we're all saying is, very much, it makes complete sense. What were you going to say, Jessica? Sorry. Jessica: No. I just wanted to point out this one nuance that I see come up and that I think is important to catch, which is that sometimes there can be grief or shame or all these emotions that we're talking about, but sometimes those emotions can also become the compulsion themselves at times. Shala Nicely has a really, really good article about this, about how depression itself can become a compulsion, or I've seen clients engage in what I refer to as stewing in guilt or excessive guilt or self-punishment. What we want to differentiate is, punishing yourself by stewing in guilt is actually providing some form of covert reassurance about the obsessions. Sometimes we need to process the true emotional experiences that are happening as a result of OCD, but we also want to make sure that we're on the lookout for self-punishment compulsions and things like that that can mask, or I don't know. That can come out in response to those feelings, but ultimately are feeding the OCD still. I just wanted to point out that nuance, that if someone feels like, “I'm doing all this processing of my feelings with my therapist, but I'm not getting any better or I'm actually feeling worse,” we want to look at, is there a sneaky compulsion happening there? Chris: I was just going to quickly add two things. One, I think what you were saying, Kim, with your clients, I see all the time. “I shouldn't feel this way. It's not okay for me to feel this way. There's people out there that are going through bigger traumas.” For some reason, I feel society gives a hierarchy of like, “Oh, if you're going through this you can grieve for this much, but we're going to grief police you if you're going through this. That's much down here.” So, my clients will feel guilty. My brother lost an arm when he was younger. How dare I feel bad about the time lost with OCD? I always tell my clients, there's no such thing as grief police and your experience is yours. We don't need to compare or contrast it to others because society already does that. And then second, I'm going to throw in a little plug for Kim. I feel as a clinician, it's my responsibility to keep absorbing things that I think will help my client. Your book that really talks about the self-compassion component, I read that from cover to cover. One thing that I've used when we're dealing with this with my clients is saying like, “We got to change our internal voice. Your internal voice has been one that's been frightened, small, scared, angry for so long. We got to change that internal voice to one that roots for you that has you get up each day and tackle the day.” If a client is sitting there saying that they shouldn't feel okay, I always ask them, “What kind of voice would you use to your younger brother or sister that you feel protective about? Would you knock down their experience? No, you would hold that space for them. What if we did that for you? It may feel odd, but this is something that I feel you need at this time.” Typically, when they start using a more self-compassionate tone, they start to feel like they're healing. So, that's something that we got to make sure they're doing as well. OCD AND DEPRESSION Kim: Yeah. Thank you for saying that. One thing we haven't touched on, and I will just quickly bring it up too, is I think secondary depression is a normal part of having OCD as well and is a part of the emotional toll. Sometimes either that depression can impact your ability to recover, or once you've gone through treatment, you're still not hopeful about the future. You're still feeling hopeless and helpless about the way the world is and the way that your brain functions in certain stresses. I would say if that is the case, also don't be afraid to bring up to your clinician. Like, I actually am concerned. I might have some depression if they haven't picked up on it. Because as clinicians, we know there's an emotional toll, we forget to assess for depression. That's something else just to consider. Chris: Yeah. I'm a stats nerd and I think it's 68% of the DSM, people with OCD have a depressive disorder, and 76% have an anxiety disorder. I always wonder, how can you have OCD and not be depressed? I was extremely depressed when my OCD was going on, and I think it's because of how it ravishes your life and takes you away from the things you care about the most. And then the things that would make you happy to get you out of the depression, obviously, you can't do. I will say the nice thing is, typically, what I see, whether it's through medication or not medication, but the treatment itself—what I see is that as people get better from OCD, if their depression did come from having OCD, a lot of it lifts, especially as they start to re-engage in life. Kim: All right. I'm looking at the time and I am loving everything you say. I'd love if you could each go around, tell us where we can hear more about you. If there's any final word that you want to say, I'm more than happy for you to take the mic. Jessica? Jessica: I'll start. I think I said in the introduction, but I have a private practice in Los Angeles. It's called Mindful CBT California. My website is MindfulCBTCalifornia.com. You can find some blogs and a contact page for me there. I hope to see a lot of you at the IOCDF conference this year. I love attending those, so I'll be there. That's it for me. Kim: Chris? Alegra: Like I said, if you're in the Southern California area, make sure to check out OCD SoCal. I am on the board of that or the International OCD Foundation, I'm on the board. I'm always connected at events through that. You can find me on my social media, which is just my name, @ChrisTrondsen. I currently work at the Gateway Institute in Orange County, California, so you can definitely find me there. My email is just my name, ChrisTrondsen@GatewayOCD.com. I would say the final thought that I want to leave, first and foremost, is just what I hope you got from this podcast is that all those other mixed bags of emotions that you're experiencing are normal. We just want to normalize that for you, and make sure as you're going through your recovery journey that you and your clinician address them, because I feel much more like a whole person because I was able to address those. You're not alone. Hopefully, you got from that you're not alone. Kim: Alegra? Alegra: You can find me @obsessivelyeverafter on Instagram. I also have a website, AlegraKastens.com, where you can find my contact info. You can find my Ask Alegra workshop series that I do once a month. I also just started a podcast called Sad Girls Who Read, so you can find me there with my co-host Erin Kommor, who also has OCD. My final words would probably be, I know we talked about a lot of really dark stuff today and how painful OCD can be, but it absolutely can get so much better. I would say that I am 95% better than I was when I first started suffering. It's brilliant and it's beautiful, and I never thought that would be the case. Yes, you'll hear from me in July, Kim, but other than that, I feel like I do have a very-- Kim's like, “Oh, will I?” Kim: I've scheduled you in. Alegra: She's like, “I have seven months to prep for this.” But other than that, I would say that my life is like, I never would've dreamed that I could be here, so it is really possible. Kim: Yeah. Chris: Amen. Of that. Kim: Yeah. Thank you all so much. This has been so meaningful for me to have you guys on. I'm really grateful for your time and your advocacy. Thank you. Chris: Thanks, Kim. Thanks for having us. Alegra: Thanks, Kim.

Treating Scrupulosity and Religious OCD with compassion (with Katie O'Dunne) | Ep. 324

obsessive compulsive disorder postpartum support postpartum ocd jenna overbaugh iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 17, 2023 35:37

Transcript Kimberley Quinlan: Well welcome, I cannot believe this is so exciting. I've been looking forward to this episode all week. We have the amazing. Reverend Katie o'dan with us to talk all about scrupulosity and religious obsessions. So welcome, Katie. Katie O'Dunne: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here and to chat about all things Faith and OCD. So thanks for having me. Kimberley Quinlan: Yeah, so let me just quickly share in ERP school we have these underneath every training, every video. There's a little question and answer and I'm very confident in answering them, but when it comes to the specifics of religion, I always try to refer to someone who is, like an expert. And so this is so timely because I feel like you are perfect to answer some of these questions. Some of the questions we have here are from, ERP school. A lot of them are from social media and so I'm so excited to chat with you. Katie O'Dunne: Thank you. Kimberley Quinlan: So tell us before we get into the questions, a little about your story and you know why you are here today? Katie O'Dunne: Yeah. So I've navigated OCD since before I can remember, but just like maybe a lot of folks listening. I was very private about that for a very long time. I had a lot of shame around, intrusive thoughts. I had a lot of shame around religious obsessions that I had, moral related obsessions, harm obsessions. And this shame particularly came because I was pursuing ministry and OCD really spiked in the midst of me going to graduate school, going to seminary. And when I was in seminary and I started really struggling, I wanted to seek treatment for the first time and was told really by a mentor that it would not help me to do that. In my ministry that I wouldn't pass my psych evaluations and that I shouldn't pursue treatment that I needed to keep that on the down low. So as many of us know, that might not get that effective evidence-based treatment I continued to get sicker Katie O'Dunne: And had a really pretty full-blown OCD episode in my first role in ministry. Katie O'Dunne: So I ended up in school chaplaincy working, with lots of students from different faith backgrounds, some of what we'll be talking about today, through an OCD lens. And I was trying to keep my OCD a secret, but in the midst of navigating, some difficult tragedies and traumas with students, my OCD latched on to every aspect of what I was navigating. And particularly in the midst of that, I was experiencing losses and mental health crises with students from different faith backgrounds. And when I came out of my own treatment, where exposure and response prevention, very much saved my life. I felt like, I had an obligation to those students that I worked with to let them know that their chaplain, that their faith leader had gone through mental health treatment and that there was no shame around doing that. And I went from the space, in seminary of being told that I shouldn't seek treatment to a space of having families call me for the first time and say, Oh now we can actually talk to you about what's going on in our life. Can you help us talk with our rabbi or our imam, or our priest about my child's diagnosis? How can we reconcile faith with treatment and that opened the door for me to continue this work in a full-time way. Where moving from those students that I love so much and now work in the area of faith and OCD full-time helping folks, navigate religious scrupulosity and very much lean into evidence-based treatment while also reconnecting with their faith in ways that are value driven to them and not dictated by OCD. Kimberley Quinlan: Hmm, it makes me teary. Just to hear you say that folks were saying, Well, now, I can share with you. That is so interesting to me. You know, I think of a reverend, as like, you can go to them with anything, you know, and for them to say that you're disclosing has open some doors, that's incredible. Katie O'Dunne: And particularly, I worked really heavily with my Hindu and Muslim students. And we had the chance to do some really awesome mental health initiatives for the South Asian community, where students started then doing projects actually in their own faith communities, and opening up about their own journeys, and then giving other space to do the same. And I really, I think about the work I do now, which is very much across faith traditions around OCD. And every person I work with, I think of those awesomely brave students, who started to come to me after my disclosure and say, Okay, we want help and also we want to share our stories and continues to inspire me. DOES RELIGIOUS OCD/SCRUPULOSITY SHOW UP BEYOND THE CHRISTIAN RELIGION? Kimberley Quinlan: Yeah, so cool! It leads me to my first question which is, does this for OCD religious scrupulosity, have you found, and I definitely have, that It goes outside of just the Christian religion. I know we hear a lot about just the Christian religion, but can you kind of give me your experience with some other religions you've had to work with? 00:05:00 Katie O'Dunne: Yeah. And so I always tell folks OCD is OCD, is OCD. And it always loves to latch on to those things that are the most significant and important to us. So it makes a lot of sense, that, that would happen with our faith tradition, whether you're Christian or Muslim or Buddhist or Sheik, or beyond or even atheist or agnostic can really transform into anything, particularly from what, you might be hearing from faith leaders and I always go back to this idea that OCD is just really gross ice cream with a lot of different gross flavors and those flavors might be in the form of the Christian faith or in the Jewish faith or in the Muslim faith. But the really big commonalities is the fact that it's not about what a person actually believes just like, with everything else with OCD. This is very much egoistonic. It's taking their beliefs. It's twisting them and it's actually pushing them further away from the tradition. So, it's just some examples. Katie O'Dunne: That we see, of course, in Christianity, you all might be familiar with obsessions around committing blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, or fear of going to hell or fear of sinning in some way. But we also see lots of different things in Islam, whether that's around not being fully focused during Friday prayers or not doing ritual washing in the appropriate way. In Judaism we see so many different things around dietary restrictions or breaking religious law. What if I'm not praying correctly? Hinduism, even what if I'm pronouncing shlokas or mantras incorrectly? What if I have done something to impact my karma or my dharma? What if I'm focusing too heavily on a particular deity or not engaging in puja correctly. or in Buddhism I see a lot of folks, really focusing on what if I never stop suffering, What if I've impacted my karma in some way? What if I don't have pure intention, alongside that action and… Kimberley Quinlan: Right. Katie O'Dunne: then all the way on the other side. We can see with any type of non-theism or atheism, agnosticism humanism What if I believe the wrong thing? What if I'm supposed to believe in God, what if I'll be punished for for not? So there are all different forms and then with any faith, tradition. I mean any form possible. That OCD could latch onto Kimberley Quinlan: Yeah, absolutely I think there's just some amazing examples I had once a client who felt his frustrations weren't correct. Katie O'Dunne: Yes. Kimberley Quinlan: And got stuck really continue and trying to perfect it so I think it can fall into any of those religions for sure. So you've already touched on this a little bit, but this was one of the questions that came from Instagram. Just basically there was saying like OCD makes me doubt my faith. Like why does it do that? Do you have any thoughts, on a specifically why OCD can make us doubt our faith? Katie O'Dunne: Yeah. I mean OCD is the doubting disorder and we always say the content is irrelevant, but it definitely doesn't feel like it. I think for anybody navigating OCD, you're most likely in a space of saying I could accept uncertainty about any theme except the one that I have right now and that's very much true with faith. If your faith is something that's significant to you and at the center of your life, it makes sense that OCD would latch on to that and that OCD would twist that particularly… Kimberley Quinlan: Right. Katie O'Dunne: because we really don't have a whole lot of certainty around faith to begin with and where there's a disorder that surrounds uncertainty and and doubt. That makes a lot of sense. And yet it's so so challenging, um, because we want to be able to answer all of these questions without OCD making us question every single thing we believe, WHEN OCD DOUBTS MY FAITH Kimberley Quinlan: Mmm. It's sort of like religious obsession. I mean relationship obsessions too in that and you're probably looking at people across the your religious faith hall or wherever going, but they are certain like why can't I get that certainty? Right. But it's like they've accepted a degree of uncertainty for them to feel certain in it. But when you have OCD, it's so hard to accept that uncertainty piece of it. Katie O'Dunne: I'm so glad you said that I actually get this question a lot. And this, this might be a strange answer for folks to hear from a minister. But I always tell folks, I'm not certain I Have devoted my life to faith traditions. I'm ordained. I'm not certain about anything including about the divine. Kimberley Quinlan: Yeah. Katie O'Dunne: I have really strong beliefs, I have strong things that I lead lean into and practices that are meaningful to me. But it doesn't mean that I have certainty. And often, when you hear someone in a faith tradition, say that there are certain, I don't think it means the same thing as what we're thinking, it means from. 00:10:00 Kimberley Quinlan: Yeah. it's Yeah,… Katie O'Dunne: a different context. They are accepting some level of uncertainty. Kimberley Quinlan: that's why I compared it to relationship OCD, You're like, but I'm not sure if I love my partner enough and everybody else is really certain but when you really ask them, they're like, No I'm not completely certain,… Katie O'Dunne: Yeah. WILL GOD PUNISH ME FOR MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS? Kimberley Quinlan: like I'm just certain for today or whatever it may be. So I think that that is very much a typical trade of OCD in that, it requires 100%, okay? So, so, This is actually really one of the first common questions we get when we're doing psychoeducation with clients. Which is why do I have a fear that God will punish me for my intrusive thoughts? You want to share a little about that. Katie O'Dunne: Yeah, I mean there are so many, there are so many layers with this and again, latching on to what's the most important but also latching on to particular teachings. Whether it's in a church or a mosque or a synagogue where I always say there are particular scriptures, particular, teachings, particular sermons, where you might hear things that relate to punishment in some way, or relate to rigidity, but I think folks, with OCD hear those, through a very different lens than maybe someone else in that congregation and we might hear something once at age, five or six and for the rest of our lives latch on to this idea that we're doing something wrong or that God is going to punish us, we tend to always see everything through that really, really negative lens and maybe miss all of the other things that we hear about compassion and about love and forgiveness. And I think there's also this layer for individuals with OCD often holding themselves to a higher standard than everyone else and that includes the way that they see God as viewing them. So I'll often ask folks. How do you think, how do you imagine God, viewing a friend in the situation? Just like we might do a self compassion work and they're like, Well, I believe God would be really forgiving of my friend and that they might not be perfect but that they were created to live this beautiful life. And then when asking the same thing about themselves, It's but God called me to be perfect and I have to do all of these things right. I'll ask often ask folks, What does it look like to see yourself through the same loving eyes through which God sees you or which you imagine that God sees those around you which is something we don't often do with OCD. Kimberley Quinlan: And what would they often say? Katie O'Dunne: Ah well it's so I'll actually use self-compassion practices to to turn things around. And I'll say I'll ask someone to name three kind things about themselves and then to put their hand over their heart and actually say it through the lens of God saying that to them. So I'll have them say something like The Divine created me to be compassionate, the Divine believes that I am a kind person, the Divine wants me to have this beautiful life and to be a good runner or a good baseball player or whatever that is. And it's always really difficult at the beginning just like any self-compassion practice. And then I'll watch folks start to smile and say Well maybe God does see me in that way. Kimberley Quinlan: That's lovely. Katie O'Dunne: Maybe create me in a beautiful way. DO NOT FEAR…SHOULD I TURN MY FEARS OVER TO GOD? Kimberley Quinlan: Mmm. That's what it's bringing them. Back to their religion and their faith when they do that, which is so beautiful, isn't it? Mmm. Okay, This question is very similar but I really think it was important to to address is there are some scriptures where people here that they aren't allowed to fear or that they must turn their fears over to God. Do you have any thoughts or you know, responses that you would typically use for that concern? Katie O'Dunne: Mm-hmm. Katie O'Dunne: Yeah, I think, you know, it looks very different across faith traditions and across scriptures and individuals, of course, view Scripture and in very different ways but depending on their denomination, or depending on their sect, but I think sometimes, unfortunately, those scriptures are used out of context. We see this often where there might be a particular verse that's pulled that from a translation perspective isn't necessarily really about anxiety in the same way that we're defining anxiety through an OCD lens or isn't really about intrusive thoughts, in the way that we're defining it through the lens of OCD. And I think it's really unfortunate when we hear religious leaders or folks in communities say, Well, you aren't allowed to fear or if you just prayed a little bit harder, your anxieties would be able to be turned over to God. And I think we're hearing that or they're using that and maybe a different way than the passage was intended. And then we're hearing this through a whole nother another layer where it actually could be flipped. And instead, when you're you're saying, Don't fear. I always tell folks. So what does it look like instead to not fear treatment or to do it even if you're afraid. To ask God, to give you strength in the midst of that fear and to approach that in a different way. But I think sometimes those who are taking particular passages out of context, might not fully understand the weight of OCD, or what comes with that condition. 00:15:00 HOW DO I KNOW IF IT IS OCD OR IN LINE WITH THE RULES OF MY FAITH? Kimberley Quinlan: Right. Right. I love that. Thank you for sharing. That was actually the most common question, I think. So like four or five people off the same question. So I know that's a such an important question that we addressed. Quite a few people also asked how to differentiate like, you know with OCD treatment, it's about sort of understanding and being aware of when OCD is present and how it plays its games, and it's tricks in its tools that it uses. How would people know whether something is OCD or actually in line with the rules of their faith? Do you have any sort of suggestions for people who are struggling with that? Katie O'Dunne: Yeah, so I'll actually often show folks a chart when we start to work together and we'll put things in different buckets of what are things that you're doing, because they are meaningful because they bring you hope because they bring you comfort because they bring you joy. And then on the other hand, What are things that you're doing out of fear? Out of anxiety things, that feel urgent things that are really uncomfortable. And of course, there is never any certainty around anything, which is very much one of the tricky parts with with treatment, right? We want to have certainty but I invite folks to really make the assumption that probably those things that bring joy and meaning and hope and passion and connection are the authentic versions of their faith. Versus the things that we're doing out of fear or anxiety. And, you know, I was doing a training, a couple months ago for clinicians in this area and I was, I was talking about how, you know, we don't necessarily want folks to pray out a fear and someone had a really great question. They said. Okay. But if a plane is going down and someone's praying because they're afraid like that's not because it's OCD, I'm like No that's that's very true. But in that situation they are praying because they're afraid to bring meaning and hope they're not praying because they're afraid of not praying and… Kimberley Quinlan: Yeah. Katie O'Dunne: there's a very big distinction there. Are you doing the practice? Because you're afraid of not doing it or not or you're afraid of not doing it perfectly, or are you engaging in that practice even in moments that are tough in order to bring you peace and meaning and joy and comfort. WHEN PRAYER BECOMES A COMPULSION Kimberley Quinlan: And that if that, maybe I've got this wrong so please check me on this, but it feels like too, when people often ask me that similar question but not around compulsive praying of like, but if there is a problem, shouldn't I actually do something about it? And I'm like, Well, this that's a difference between doing something about something when there is an actual problem compared to doing something because maybe something might happen in the future, right? It's such a trick that OCD plays. Is it gets you to do things just in case. So would that be true of that as well? Katie O'Dunne: Okay. Yeah. And I often tell folks just again because it's just another form of OCD that's latching on to something that significant very similar. I tell folks, if it's really a problem that you need to address, most likely you would do it without asking the question to begin with. But it's I think the unfortunate thing that the other example I give is well, if we think most traditions we think of God as a parent figure and I ask folks, who are our parents to imagine their relationship with their own child, and do you want your child to connect with you throughout the day out of meaning and out of hope and out of genuine, a genuine desire for love or because they're afraid of not talking to you and… Kimberley Quinlan: Right. Katie O'Dunne: those are two. Those are two very, very different things. Kimberley Quinlan: Right. As it's like a disciplinarian figure. Yeah, that's a really great example. I love that. Yeah. Okay. This is, this was one of the questions that I got, but it's actually one of the cases that I have had in my career, as well, which is around the belief that thoughts are equal to deeds, right? Like that. If I think it, it must mean, I love it, I like it, or I want it or I've done it. Can you give some perspective to that from from specifically related to religious obsessions? Katie O'Dunne: 00:20:00 Katie O'DunneYeah this can be really hard for folks and of course with OCD thought actions fusion can be really challenging anyway and there is often, for folks in a faith context this belief that because I had this though, because I had what might be perceived as a sinful thought, I must be committing blasphemy, or I must be committing this particular sin and that can make it really really tought to do diffusion work with you clinician because its like I had this thought it must actually mean that I have done this thing that is in opposition to God and I always tell folks that of course I am not going to reassure you fully that those things are completely separate but I would invite you to lean into the possibility that a thought is just a thought. Just like any other aspect of OCD we have a jillion different thoughts a day that pass into and out of our minds and I actually think from a faith perspective that it is pretty cool that our brains produce alot of different thoughts, that we see things and make different associations. Ill tell folks way to do God we see things and make all sorts of connections. But, having thought doesn't equate to having a particular action even if we are looking on the form of most scriptures. It is really referencing things that we are doing, ways that we are actually engaging with those thoughts and taking that into our actions. And again from the pulpit, you might hear someone talk about thoughts or intrusive thoughts in ways that are not equivalent to how we're talking about them through an OCD lens,… Kimberley Quinlan: Mm-hmm. Katie O'Dunne: something very different and they're really talking about more of an intentional act, in something that you're you're doing, as opposed to what we're thinking about. It's just a biological process of thoughts, moving through your mind. ARE THOUGHTS EQUAL TO DEEDS? Kimberley Quinlan: Right. And and what I be right in clarifying here, is it important to differentiate between a thought you had compared to a thought that's intrusive, is that an important piece or do we not need to go to that level? Katie O'Dunne: Do you mean, in the religious context? I, I don't know. I mean, I, I'm curious what you think from a clinical I go back to thoughts or thoughts or thoughts and… Kimberley Quinlan: Yeah. Katie O'Dunne: they are intrusive because we're labeling them as intrusive. Unfortunately, sometimes in religious context, and I hear this a lot, someone might go to… I hear actually from sermons all the time, where someone is saying that intrusive thoughts or in some way sinful and really what they're thinking are just regular thoughts that people are giving value to and… Kimberley Quinlan: Yeah. Yeah. Katie O'Dunne: it makes it makes it really challenging for folks where they're giving more value to their thoughts and then thinking, well my preacher said that if I have a thought that's quote unquote bad that it means something about me. EXPOSURE & RESPONSE PREVENTION (ERP) FOR RELIGIOUS OBSESSIONS/SCRUPULOSITY Kimberley Quinlan: I think you just hit the nail on the head, when we apply judgment to a thought as good or bad, then we're in trouble, right. That's when things start to go sticky. Yeah. Okay, excellent. Okay. Let's talk about specific treatment for religious obsessions and exposure examples. I know for those listening we have done an episode with Jud Steve, I will link that in the show notes. He did go over some but I just love for you to go over like what are some examples of exposures? And how might we approach exposure and response prevention, specifically related to these religious obsessions? Katie O'Dunne: Yeah, so his health folks, I'm not I'm not a clinician, but I work alongside a lot of really amazing clinicians in religious scrupulosity to develop exposure hierarchies. And one of the big fears when I'm working with someone is often, how could I possibly engage in exposure and response prevention because what if someone asked me to do something that's in opposition to my faith? And I want to go ahead and just put that on the table right now… I know that's a big fear and I want you to know that a good OCD specialist or an ERP therapist is really gonna work with you not to go against or to oppose your faith. But to do some things that are a little bit uncomfortable in service of you, being able to get back to your faith in a value-driven way. Katie O'Dunne: I really believe we are never going to be incredibly excited about exposures. When I was on my own exposure and response, prevention journey, I never once walked into the office and said, Yes, I get to do this really scary exposure today. It's gonna be so fun. Well, I guess I did say that because my therapist made me pretend to be excited about exposures, but that's different. That's a different conversation was not necessarily genuine. And so i'll often ask folks, I know that this isn't something that you want to do, but why don't you want to do it? And if the answer is well, I'm afraid that it might upset God or I'm afraid something bad might happen. That's probably a good exposure. If the immediate response is Well, no, I'm not gonna do that. No one else in my tradition would do that. That's completely in opposition to everything we believe, probably not something that that we would ask you to do and often clinicians will use the 80/20 rule of what would 80% of the folks within your congregation be willing to do and that can be really helpful working with a faith leader as well or with other folks within your particular sect or denomination to establish that. 00:25:00 Katie O'Dunne: The same time there. Oh my goodness, so many different exposures that we can go into. But a lot of things that I see folks commonly working on are things like praying imperfectly maybe speaking or speaking of blasphemous thought aloud or thinking through that in an intentional way, writing an aspect of that, not completing ritual washing again and again only doing it once and even thinking through the fact that it might not have been perfect that time or maybe even intentionally diverting your attention in the midst of a prayer. Sometimes for folks who are avoiding Scripture that is intentionally reading that aspect of Scripture and then maybe thinking intentionally about something that they've thought as a bad thought or that they've defined in that way. But again it very much depends for each person and I really want folks to know that it doesn't mean that you are going to be asked to eat something that goes against your dietary restrictions or to deface a religious text. Those are the two things I hear folks, very fearful of and that isn't something that you need to do in order to get better. It's about having conversation and handing over the keys to your clinician to do some uncomfortable stuff in favor of getting back to your faith in a value-driven way. Kimberley Quinlan: Yeah, I love that. I'll tell a quick story, when I was a new intern treating OCD having no clue really what I was doing. I'm very happy to disclose that was the facts, but I had amazing supervisors and I grew up in an Episcopalian denomination and I had a client who was of similar denomination in the Christian faith. And my supervisor said, Well, okay, you're gonna have him go and say the blasphemous words and in my mind, this being my first case going like are we allowed, like side eye.And he said Okay this is your first go around. I want you to ask your client to go and speak with their religious leader and say, This is what I'm struggling with. AndI have this diagnosis and this is the treatment, it's the gold standard and Kimberley's gonna go with you and do we have permission to proceed and the minister was so wonderful. He said, If that is what's gonna bring you closer to your faith, go as hard as you can. And for me, it was just such a beautiful experience as a new clinician to have. He knew nothing about OCD but he was like if that's what you need to do to get closer, go. Like he had so much Faith himself in, I know it'll bring you to the right place and so it's so beautiful for me and that kind of helped me guide my clients to this day. Like go and get permission speak to your minister if that helps you to move forward, do you have any thoughts on that? Katie O'Dunne: Oh yes, and this is really my favorite thing that I get to do with folks in addition to working with clinicians and clients and developing exposures, also in faith traditions that are not my own, but then I might have studied make connections to other faith leaders so we can talk about what makes the most sense in this particular set so that someone can fully live into their faith tradition while well, maybe being a little uncomfortable in this moment or doing something tough and I deeply believe whatever that looks like for you, even if the exposure seems a little bit scary, that God can handle our exposures. Across faith traditions. We see the divine as this big, wonderful powerful all knowing force and with everything going on in the world, I deeply believe theologically that the exposure that we're doing over here, which might seem really hard for us, that God can handle that as a way for us to get back to doing the things that we were actually created to do. And in that way, similar to the minister that you talked with that said, Hey, go for it. I'll even tell folks, I see ERP as a spiritual practice because a spiritual practice is defined as anything that helps you to reconnect or get closer with the divine and in that way, doing ERP really does that because it's breaking down the OCD so that you almost stop worshiping OCD and actually reconnect with God in a way that's value driven for you. That's actually what I'm getting ready to start. My doctoral research on is actually redefining ERP as a spiritual practice across faith traditions in ways that are accessible for a diverse population. Kimberley Quinlan: And that's so beautiful, I love that. Okay, let's see. Okay, This is actually the last question, but this is actually the one I'm most excited to ask. This is actually from someone I deeply care about. They have written in and said, When I get anxious, I try to submit it to God knowing of his love and power. So, by writing a script, which is an ERP practice, for those of you who don't know, it seems I'm in conflict with my religious belief. Do you have any like points, final points, you want to make about that? 00:30:00 Katie O'Dunne: Yeah. So two big things, one going off of what I was just sharing a second ago. I would encourage you to know, or maybe not to know, for sure but, we can lean into uncertainty around this right? But to accept all of the uncertainty, while also leaning in and believing that God can handle this difficult script that you're writing or this difficult exposure that you're doing in favor of you getting to live the life that you were created to live. Not defined by OCD and that you still can pray and ask for God's support as a part of that. I would never ask someone not to continue to connect with God during some of sometimes, the most difficult process of their life which treatment can be, I know it was for me, it was incredibly scary. But rather than asking for reassurance, or asking for God, to undo any of that exposure work we're doing or or saying, oof, disregard this script I just did. We're not, we're not going to do any of those things, but rather, I would invite you to say, in whatever way makes sense to you, Dear God, please help me to lean into the uncertainty, please help me to sit with this discomfort associated with this exposure, on the way to getting back to this big, beautiful, awesome life that you've created me to live. It's really hard right now. This is really tough, but please walk with me as I sit with all of it, helping me not to push away that anxiety, but rather to be with it as I reclaim my life. Amen. Or something of that nature. Yeah. Kimberley Quinlan: Yeah, that's beautiful. So thank you, really. I get teary again, this is such a beautiful conversation. Okay, so number one, thank you so much for coming on, really, it's a blessing to have you here and you know, I think this will help so many folks. Is there something that we didn't cover that you you know that point that you just made alone, I feel like it's like mic drop. But is there anything else you want to add before we finish up? Katie O'Dunne: Yeah, um, and just, and this is a little bit more Christocentric, but I think it goes across faith traditions, I often talk about the recovery Trinity and just to leave folks with this as well. That I deeply believe that it's possible to have faith in yourself, faith in the divine and faith in your treatment all at the same time and that those three pieces coming together, allowing those to be together, actually can be a huge key with religious scrupulosity, and taking a step towards your life during treatment. Kimberley Quinlan: That's beautiful. And I've never heard that before. That is so beautiful. I'll be sure to get my staff all trained up in that as well. Thank you. oh, Katie,… Katie O'Dunne: Oh sorry, one more thing. Sorry, as I say that and I know we're closing out. I also always want folks to know that ERP. This is, this really is my last thing. I promise. Kimberley Quinlan: Oh no, no. Go for it. You've got the mic go. Katie O'Dunne: No. Um that I've worked with a lot of folks across traditions with religious scroup and I would say um a majority of the folks that I've worked with have moved through ERP and at the other side actually have a deeper relationship with their faith then maybe they did before and I would encourage you to hear that that actually leaning into that uncertainty translates far beyond OCD sometimes into a closer relationship with God. And I've worked with folks who have moved through ERP that end up going into ministry because that's meaningful to them in a way that isn't driven by OCD. So just knowing that it doesn't ever mean, you're stepping away from your faith, you're taking actually this leap of faith to reconnect with it in a way that's actually authentic to you. Kimberley Quinlan: Mmhm. I'm so grateful that you added that. Isn't that some of the truth, with OCD in general, like the more you want certainty, the less of it you have. And the more you let go of it, the more you can kind of have that value driven life. I love it. Okay, I can't thank you enough, really, this has been such a beautiful conversation. I probably nearly cried like four times and I don't, I don't often get to that. It's just so, so beautiful and deep. And I think it's, it's wonderful. Thank you. Where will people hear about, you get to know you reach out to you and so forth. Katie O'Dunne: Yeah, so folks are more than welcome to reach out to me via Instagram at @RevkRunsBeyondOCD or on my website at RevKatieO'dunne.com. I do lots of work again with clinicians and faith, leaders and clients but also have free weekly faith and OCD support groups along with interfaith prayer services for folks navigating what it means to lean into their faith traditions from a space of uncertainty and an inclusive environment. And then I would also encourage folks to check out our upcoming Faith and OCD conference with the Iocdf in May along with a really awesome resource page that we were so proud to put out last year. I had the chance to work with a really great team of clinicians and faith leaders to create a resource page for all of you to see what scrupulosity might look like in your faith tradition along with resources. So check out all of those wonderful things. 00:35:00 Kimberley Quinlan: Amazing. We will have all that linked in the show notes. Thank you, Katie, really! It's such an honor to have you on the show.Katie O'Dunne: Thank you. This was lovely. Thank you so much.

109: Postpartum OCD with Jenna Overbaugh, LPC, CPT

Holding Space

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 1, 2023 49:01

In this episode we are shedding light on the often misdiagnosed experience of Postpartum OCD. I invited Licensed Therapist Jenna Overbaugh to share her professional (and personal!) experience with postpartum OCD. Together we open the door to the internal experience of living with OCD and discuss the symptoms, impact, treatment and how to get the support you need from your healthcare team. Jenna doesn't hold back and you'll leave this episode informed and feeling less alone. Connect with Jenna: @jenna.overbaugh on Instagram All The Hard Things Podcast Resources mentioned in the episode: IOCDF.org (International OCD Foundation)Postpartum.net (Postpartum Support international)Treatmyocd.com (evidence based treatment in and out of the US) This episode is brought to you by Cozy Earth. Visit https://cozyearth.com/ and use code DRCASSIDY35 for 35% off your order sitewide. I have their joggers and pull-over crew in Ivory! To connect with Dr. Cassidy or learn more about her private practice, visit www.drcassidymft.com.

Caleb Lack - Treating religious fear & anxiety

The Divorcing Religion Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 18, 2023 52:10

Dr. CALEB LACKDivorced: ChristianityCaleb W. Lack, Ph.D., is a Professor of Psychology at the University of Central Oklahoma. A licensed clinical psychologist, he is an award-winning educator and bestselling author of six books. He specializes in the treatment of children and adults with anxiety disorders and obsessive-compulsive and related disorders.Dr. Lack is the former director of the Secular Therapy Project, which aims to bring together non-religious persons seeking mental health treatment with secular, evidence-based providers. He spoke at the Conference on Religious Trauma in 2022 on the topic of Overcoming Fear of Hell. In this episode, we touch on scrupulosity and fear of Hell, as well as how parents might unknowingly make anxiety issues worse for young children - and how they can stop.FIND DR. CALEB LACK:https://www.caleblack.com/T: @professorlackRESOURCES MENTIONED:Dr. Lack's books - http://caleblack.com/writing.htmlSecular Therapy Project - seculartherapy.org/IOCDF - https://iocdf.org/find-help/Find CBT providers - findcbt.orgPTSD self help - https://www.ptsd.va.gov/gethelp/selfhelp_coping.asp THANKS TO OUR NEWEST PATREON SUPPORTERS: Sheila, Anne, Paul, and Sacha.Support this podcast on Patreon and get access to bonus content: https://www.patreon.com/janiceselbieSPECIAL THANKS to our latest patrons: Sheila, Paul, Anne, and Sacha!Subscribe to the audio-only version here: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/religious-trauma-podcastGet your free consultation with Janice, book 1:1 sessions, or sign up for the Divorcing Religion Workshop here: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/Get your recordings from the Shameless Sexuality: Life After Purity Culture conference here: https://www.shamelesssexuality.org/Follow Janice and the Conference on Religious Trauma on Social Media: Twitter: https://twitter.com/divorcereligionTwitter: https://twitter.com/Wise_counsellorTwitter: https://twitter.com/ComeToCORTFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/janice.selbieFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DivorcingReligionFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/ConferenceOnReligiousTraumaTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@janiceselbieInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/wisecounsellor/Twitter: https://twitter.com/divorcereligionTwitter: https://twitter.com/Wise_counsellorTwitter: https://twitter.com/ComeToCORTFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/janice.selbieFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DivorcingReligionFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/ConferenceOnReligiousTraumaTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@janiceselbieInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/wisecounsellor/The Divorcing Religion Podcast is for entertainment purposes only. If you need help with your mental health, please consult a qualified, secular, mental health clinician.Support the show

university fear hell anxiety professor psychology conference lack religious treating overcoming fear religious trauma central oklahoma iocdf secular therapy project

#110 - OCD and Comorbid Eating Disorders, Panic, and Bipolar with Brooke Miller

panic obsessive compulsive disorder eating disorders bipolar comorbid brooke miller iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 11, 2022 57:04

In this episode, I talked with Brooke Miller, a mental health/OCD advocate, registered nurse, wife, and mom who opens up about her struggles with OCD, eating disorders, panic disorder, and bipolar disorder. We discussed... - her experience with these comorbidities and how they presented and affected her - why she thinks OCD was at the center and root of other diagnoses - what recovery looks like for her and how she learned to sit with discomfort and uncertainty You can learn more about Brooke and follow her on Instagram/TikTok at @brookemillermha www.smashingstigmas.com This podcast should not be substituted, nor is meant to act as a substitute, for legitimate mental health treatment/a legitimate mental health treatment provider. This podcast and any information in it is solely the reflection of general knowledge and cannot be taken as a personal therapeutic recommendation. To find a therapist near you to work more directly with these issues, head over to treatmyocd.com, IOCDF.org, or nami.org. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jennaoverbaugh/support --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jennaoverbaugh/support

#109 - Religious Scrupulosity and Moral OCD with Maddy Furgiuele

moral religious obsessive compulsive disorder scrupulosity iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 4, 2022 46:54

In this episode, I talked with Maddy Furgiuele, a mental health/OCD advocate and student who struggled with OCD and anxiety since elementary school. We discussed... - her experience with scrupulosity, religious OCD, and moral OCD - examples of how she struggled including her compulsions and obsessions - how her OCD got better in one area then worse in another, and why this happens/what to do about it You can learn more about Madison and follow her on Instagram/TikTok at @mentalhealthwmaddy Madison has struggled with anxiety and OCD for over 5 years, and is a psychology major studying to become a registered psychotherapist. She is passionate about helping to reduce the stigma around mental health- specifically OCD. This podcast should not be substituted, nor is meant to act as a substitute, for legitimate mental health treatment/a legitimate mental health treatment provider. This podcast and any information in it is solely the reflection of general knowledge and cannot be taken as a personal therapeutic recommendation. To find a therapist near you to work more directly with these issues, head over to treatmyocd.com, IOCDF.org, or nami.org. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jennaoverbaugh/support Join me on my #14daysofmagic challenge to become your best self for 14 days - learn more at magicmind.co/14daysofmagic and use code ATHT14 for 40% off your first subscription. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jennaoverbaugh/support

#15: Stacy Quick — The Best Modalities to Treat OCD, Finding Your Purpose, and More

You're Not Alone Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 2, 2022 64:53

Stacy Quick is an ERP/OCD specialist, writer, IOCDF grassroots advocate, an individual who lives with OCD, and one works for NOCD as a therapist. In this episode, we talk about: The best different modalities to improve OCD. The signs and symptoms to look out for, including looking out for reassurance from your children. Finding the meaning and purpose in your life. Find Stacy here: treatmyocd.com @stacyquick.undone Find Zach here: zachwesterbeck.com @zach_westerbeck

mental health therapy treat obsessive compulsive disorder brain health finding your purpose modalities iocdf

Ep. 308 ERP is for EVERYONE (with Andrew GottWorth)

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 28, 2022 44:42

In This Episode: Andrew GottWorth shares his story of having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and how ERP allowed him to function again. addresses the benefits of ERP and how ERP is for Everyone How Exposure & response prevention can help people with OCD and for those with everyday stress and anxiety Links To Things I Talk About: Andrew's Instagram @justrught ERP School: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com. CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 308. Welcome, everybody. I am really pumped for this episode. We have the amazing Andrew Gottworth on for an interview where he just shared so many nuggets of wisdom and hope and motivation. I think you're going to love it. But the main point we're making today is that ERP is for everyone. Everyone can benefit from facing their fears. Everyone can benefit by reducing their compulsive behaviors. Even if you don't technically call them compulsions, you too can benefit by this practice. Andrew reached out to me and he was really passionate about this. And of course, I was so on board that we jumped on a call right away and we got it in, and I'm so excited to share it with you. Thank you, Andrew, for sharing all your amazing wisdom. Before we head into the show, let's quickly do the “I did a hard thing” for the week. This one is from Christina, and they went on to say: “Thought of you today, and you're saying, ‘It's a beautiful day to do hard things,' as I went down a water slide, terrified, as I'm well out of my comfort zone.” This is such great. They're saying that's on their holiday, the first time they've taken a holiday in quite a while. “It's difficult, but I'm doing it. I'm trying to lean into the discomfort.” This is so good. I love when people share their “I did a hard thing,” mainly, as I say before, because it doesn't have to be what's hard for everybody. It can be what's hard for you. Isn't it interesting, Christina is sharing a water slide is so terrifying? Christina, PS, I'm totally with you on that. But some of the people find it thrill-seeking. And then I'm sure the things that Christina does, she might not have anxiety, but other people who love to thrill seek find incredibly terrifying. So, please don't miss that point, guys. It is such an important thing that we don't compare. If it's terrifying, it's terrifying, and you deserve a massive yay. You did a hard thing for it. So, thank you, Christina. Again, quickly, let me just quickly do the review of the week, and then we can set back and relax and listen to Andrew's amazing wisdom. This one is from Anonymous. Actually, this one is from Sydneytenney, and they said: “Incredible resource! What an incredible resource this podcast is! Thank you for sharing all of this information so freely… you're truly making a difference in so many lives, including mine! (I am also reading through your book and I LOVE it. You nailed it in marrying OCD with self-compassion - what a gift!!!)” So, for those of you who don't know, I wrote a book called The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD. If you have OCD and you want a compassionate approach to ERP by all means, head over to Amazon or wherever you buy books and you can have the resource right there. All right, let's get over to the show. Kimberley: Okay. Welcome, Andrew Gottworth. Thank you so much for being here. Andrew: Yeah. So, happy to be here. Really excited to chat with you for a bit. Kimberley: Yeah. How fun. I'm so happy you reached out and you had a message that I felt was so important to talk about. Actually, you had lots of ideas that I was so excited to talk about. Andrew: I might bring some of them up because I think, anyway, it's related to our big topic. Erp Is For Everyone Kimberley: Yeah. But the thing that I love so much was this idea that ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) is for everyone. And so, tell me, before we get into that, a little bit about your story and where you are right up until today and why that story is important to you. Andrew: Yeah. So, there's a lot, as you work in the OCD field that it takes so long between first experiencing to getting a diagnosis. And so, with the knowledge I have now, I probably started in early childhood, elementary school. I remember racing intrusive thoughts in elementary school and being stuck on things and all that. But definitely, middle school, high school got worse and worse. So, fast forward to freshman year of college, it was really building up. I was really having a lot of issues. I didn't know what it was and really didn't know what it was for nine, 10 years later. But I was having a really hard time in college. I was depressed. I thought I was suicidal. Learning later, it's probably suicidal ideation, OCD just putting thoughts of death and jumping up a building and jumping in a lake and getting run over and all that. But I didn't want to talk about it then, I think. Andrew's Story About Having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder A bit about me, I come from Kentucky. I count Louisville, Kentucky as the Midwest. We have a bit of an identity crisis, whether we're South Midwest, East Coast, whatever. But still there, there's a culture that mental health is for “crazy people.” Of course, we don't believe that. So, my tiptoe around it was saying, “I'm having trouble focusing in class. Maybe I have ADHD.” And that's what I went in for. For some reason, that was more palatable for me to talk about that rather than talk about these thoughts of death and all that. And so, I did an intake assessment and thankfully I was somewhat honest and scored high enough on the depression scale that they were like, “Hey, you have a problem.” And so, ended up talking more. So, back in 2009, freshman year of college, I got diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder, but completely missed the OCD. I think they didn't know about it. I didn't know about it. I didn't have the language to talk about it at the time because I didn't have hand washing or tapping and counting and these other things that I would maybe see on TV and stuff, which – yeah, I see you nodding – yes, I know that's a common story. So, I entered therapy in 2009, and I've been in therapy and non-medication ever since. But I had problems. I still had problems. I would make progress for a bit. And then I just feel like I was stuck. So, I ended up being in three mental hospitals. One, when I was doing AmeriCorps up in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and had a great experience there. Two, three days up there at Rogers, which I'm very grateful for. And then stabilized moving forward. So, I ended up-- I dropped outta college. I dropped out of AmeriCorps. I then went back to college and again went to a mental hospital in Bowling Green, Kentucky. I was at Western Kentucky University, stabilize, keep going. Learning lessons along the way, learning cognitive distortions and learning talk therapy, and all these. So, let's keep fast-forwarding. Another mental hospital in Atlanta, Georgia. There's a long-term outpatient stay, Skyline Trail. I'm thankful for all of these places along the way. And I wish somewhere along the way, I knew about OCD and knew about ERP, our big topic for the day. So, finally, gosh, I can't quite remember. I think 2018, a few years ago, still having problems. I had gone from full-time at work to part-time at work. I was just miserable. I would get into my cubicle and just constantly think, I'm not going to make it. I got to go home. I got to find an excuse to get out of here early. I just need to stay sick or I got to go home, or something came up. And so, every day I'd have an excuse until I finally was like, “I'm going to get found out that I'm not working full-time. I'm going to jump the gun, I'll voluntarily go down in part-time.” So, that worked for a bit until OCD kept going. And then I quit. I quit again. And at that point, I was like, “I've failed. I've quit so many things – college, AmeriCorps.” I was a summer camp counselor and I left early. “Now this job. I need something.” So, I went again to find more help. And finally, thankfully, someone did an intake assessment, came back, and said, “Well, one problem is you have OCD.” I was like, “What? No, I don't have that. I don't wash my hands. I'm not a messy person. I'm not organized.” Gosh, I'm so thankful for her. Kimberley: Yeah, I want to kiss this person. Andrew: Yeah. But here's the duality of it. She diagnosed me with it. I am forever grateful. And she didn't do ERP. She didn't know it. So unbelievably thankful that I got that diagnosis. It changed my life. And then I spent several weeks, maybe a few months just doing talk therapy again. And I just knew something didn't feel right. But I had this new magical thing, a diagnosis. And so, my OCD latched onto OCD and researched the heck out of it. And so, I was researching, researching, researching, and really starting to find some things like, “Oh, this isn't working for me. I've been doing the same type of therapy for a decade and I'm not making progress.” Unbelievably thankful for the Louisville OCD Clinic. So, at this point in this story-- thanks for listening to the whole saga. Kimberley: No, I've got goosebumps. Andrew: I'm unemployed, I have my diagnosis, but I'm not making any progress. So, I go, “Throw this in as well. Not really that important.” But I go to an intensive outpatient program in Louisville before the OCD clinic. And I remember this conversation of the group therapy leader saying, “I need you to commit to this.” And I said, “But I don't think this is helping me either,” because the conversation was about relationships, my relationship was great. It was about work, I wasn't working. It was about parents, my parents were great. They were supporting me financially. They're super helpful and loving and kind. It's like, “None of this is external.” I kept saying, “This is internal. I have something going on inside of me.” And she said, “Well, I want you to commit to it.” I said, “I'm sorry, I found a local OCD clinic. I'm going to try them out.” So, I did IOP, I did 10 straight days, and it is a magical, marvelous memory of mine. I mean, as you know, the weirdest stuff, oh gosh. Some of the highlights that are quite humorous, I had a thing around blood and veins. And so, we built our hierarchy, and maybe we'll talk about this in a bit, what ERP is. So, built the hierarchy, I'm afraid of cutting my veins and bleeding out. So, let's start with a knife on the table. And then the next day, the knife in the hand. And then the next day, the knife near my veins. And then we talked about a blood draw. And then the next day, we watched a video of a nurse talking about it. Not even the actual blood draw, but her talking about it. So, of course, my SUDs are up really high. And the nurse says in the video, “Okay, you need to find the juiciest, bumpiest vein, and that's where you put it in.” And my therapist, pause the video. She said, “Perfect. Andrew, I want you to go around to every person in the office and ask to feel the juiciest, bumpiest veins.” Oh my gosh. Can you imagine? Kimberley: The imagery and the wording together is so triggering, isn't it? Andrew: Right. She's amazing. So, she was hitting on two things for me. One, the blood and veins, and two, inconveniencing people. I hated the inconveniencing people or have awkward moments. Well, hey, it's doing all three of these things. So, I went around. And of course, it's an OCD clinic, so nobody's against it. They're like, “Sure, here you go. This one looks big. Here, let me pump it up for you.” And I'm like, “No, I don't like this.” Kimberley: Well, it's such a shift from what you had been doing. Andrew: It's totally different. I'll speak to the rest because that's really the big part. But ERP over the next few years gave me my life back. I started working again. I worked full-time. Went part-time, then full-time. Got into a leadership position. And then for a few other reasons, my wife and I decided to make a big jump abroad. And so, moved to Berlin. And I have a full-time job here and a part-time disc golf coach trainer. And now I'm an OCD advocate and excited to work with you on that level and just looking at where my life was four or five years ago versus now. And thanks to our big-ticket item today, ERP. Kimberley: Right. Oh, my heart is so exploding for you. Andrew: Oh, thank you. Kimberley: My goodness. I mean, it's not a wonderful story. It's actually an incredibly painful story. Andrew: You can laugh at it. I told it humorously. How Andrew Applied Erp For His Ocd Kimberley: No. But that's what I'm saying. That's what's so interesting about this, is that it's such a painful story, but how you tell it-- would I be right in saying like a degree of celebration to it? Tell me a little bit about-- you're obviously an ERP fan. Tell me a little bit about what that was like. Were you in immediately, or were you skeptical? Had you read enough articles to feel like you were trusting it? What was that like for you? Because you'd been put through the wringer. Andrew: Yeah. There's a lot to talk about, but there are a couple of key moments when you mention it. So, one, we're going through the Y-BOCS scale, the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Scale, something like that. So, she asks me one of the questions like, how often do you feel like a compulsion to do something and you don't do the compulsion? “Oh, never. I've never stopped. But you can do that?” It was just this moment of, “What do you mean?” If it's hot, I'm going to make it colder. If it's cold, I'm going to make it warmer. If I'm uncomfortable, I'm going to fidget. I'm a problem solver. Both my parents were math teachers. I was an all-A student and talk about perfectionism and “just right” OCD maybe in this context as well. But also, I love puzzles. I love solving things. And that was me. I was a problem solver. It never occurred to me to not solve the problem. And so, that was a huge aha moment for me. And I see it now and I talk about it now to other people. Am I Doing Erp “Just Right”? But another part of ERP with the just right is, am I doing ERP right? Am I doing it right? Am I doing ERP right? And of course, my therapist goes, “I don't know. Who knows? Maybe, maybe not.” So, depending on where you want to go with this, we can talk about that more. So, I think in general, I hated that at the time. I was like, “I know there is a right way to do it. There is. I know there is.” But now, I even told someone yesterday in our Instagram OCD circles, someone was posting about it, and I said exactly that, that I hated this suggestion at first that maybe you're doing it wrong, maybe you're not. I will say, as we talk about ERP for everyone, someone who maybe is going to listen to this or hears us talking on Instagram and wants to do it on their own, this idea of exposing yourself to something uncomfortable and preventing the response – I don't know if this is wrong, but I will say for me, it was not helpful. In my first few weeks, I would do something like-- I was a little claustrophobic, so I maybe sit in the middle seat of a car. It's good I'm doing the exposure. I'm preventing the response by staying there. I didn't get out. But in my head, I'm doing, “Just get through this. Just get through this. I hate this. It's going to be over soon. You'll get through it and then you'll be better. Come on, just get through it. Oh, I hate this. Ugh. Ugh.” And then you get to the end and you go, “Okay, I made it through.” And of course, that didn't really prevent the response. That reinforced my dread of it. And so, I would say that's definitely a lesson as we get into that. Kimberley: And I think that brings me to-- you bring up a couple of amazing points and I think amazing roadblocks that we have to know about ERP. So, often I have clients who'll say early in treatment, “You'd be so proud I did the exposure.” And I'd be like, “And the RP, did that get included?” So, let's talk about that. So, for you, you wanted to talk about like ERP is for everyone. So, where did that start for you? Where did that idea come from? Andrew: I would say it's been slow going over the years where-- I don't know how to say this exactly, but thinking like, there must be higher than 2% of people that have OCD because I think you have it and I think you have it and I think you have it, and noticing a lot of these things. And so, maybe they're not clinical level OCD and maybe it's just anxiety or I think, as I emailed you, just stress. But it's this-- I just wonder how many friends and family and Instagram connections have never had that aha moment that I did in my first week of IOP of, “Oh, I cannot try to solve this.” And so, I see people that I really care about and I joked with my wife, I said, “Why is it that all of our best friends are anxious people?” And I think that comes with this care and attention and that I've suffered and I don't want anyone else to suffer. And so, I see that anxiety in others. But getting back to what I see in them, maybe someone is socially anxious so they're avoiding a party or they're leaving early, or-- I mean, I did these two, avoided, left early, made sure I was in either a very large group where nobody really noticed me or I was in a one-on-one where I had more control. I don't know. So, seeing that in some other friends, leaving early, I just want to say to them, you can stay. It's worked for me. It really has. This staying, exposing yourself to the awkwardness of staying or maybe it's a little too loud or it's too warm. And then let that stress peak fall and see, well, how do you feel after 30 minutes? How do you feel after an hour? I want to scream that to my friends because it's helped me so much. I mean, you heard how awful and miserable it was for so long and how much better. I'm not cured, I think. I'm still listening to your six-part rumination series because I think that's really what I'm working on now. So, I think those physical things, I've made tremendous improvement on blood and veins and all that. But that's also not why I quit work. I didn't quit working. I didn't quit AmeriCorps because there's so much blood everywhere. No, it's nonprofits, it's cubicles. But it was this dread that built this dread of the day, this dread of responding to an email. Am I going to respond right? Oh no, I'm going to get a phone call. Am I going to do that? Am I going to mess this up? And because I didn't have that response prevention piece, all I had was the exposure piece, then it's-- I can't remember who said it, but like, ERP without the RP is just torture. You're just exposing yourself to all these miserable things. Kimberley: You're white-knuckling. Andrew: Yeah. And it's-- I love research. I am a scientist by heart. I'm a Physics major and Environmental Studies master's. I love research and all this. And so, I've looked into neuroplasticity, but I also am not an expert. Correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I hear, you're just reinforcing that neural pathway. So, I'm going into work and I dread it. I'm saying, “I hate this. I can't wait to go home. I hate this.” So, that's reinforcing that for the next day. And tomorrow I go in and that dreads bigger, and the next day the dreads bigger. And so, seeing that in other colleagues who are having a miserable time at work is just getting worse and worse and worse. But I also can see that there are parts they enjoy. They enjoy problem-solving, they enjoy helping students, they enjoy the camaraderie. And so, I want to help them with, well, let's see how we can do ERP with the things you don't like and so you're not building this dread day after day and you can do the things you value. Seems like you value us coworkers, seems like you value helping the students, seems like you value solving this problem, and that's meaningful. But I'm watching you get more and more deteriorated at work. And that's hard to do that in others. ERP Is For Everyone Kimberley: Yeah. I resonate so much from a personal level and I'll share why, is I have these two young children who-- thankfully, I have a Mental Health degree and I have license, and I'm watching how anxiety is forming them. They're being formed by society and me and my husband and so forth, but I can see how anxiety is forming them. And there's so many times-- I've used the example before of both my kids separately were absolutely petrified of dogs. And they don't have OCD, but we used a hierarchy of exposure and now they can play with the neighbor's dogs. We can have dogs sitting. And it was such an important thing of like, I could have missed that and just said, “You're fine. Let's never be around dogs.” And so, it's so interesting to watch these teeny tiny little humans being formed by like, “Oh, I'm not a dog person.” You are a dog person. You're just afraid of dogs. It's two different things. Andrew: Yeah. So, it's funny that my next-door neighbor, when I was young, had a big dog. And when we're moving into the house for the very first time, very young, I don't know, four or something, it ran into the house, knocked me over, afraid of dogs for years. So, same thing. Worked my way up, had a friend with a cute little pup, and then got to a scarier one. And also, funnily to me, my next-door neighbor, two in a row, were German, and they scared me, the scary dog, German. And then the next one was the “Stay off my lawn, don't let your soccer ball come over.” So, for years, I had this like, “I'm not going to root for Germany in sports. I don't like Germany.” And then here I am living in Germany now. Kimberley: Like an association. Andrew: Yeah. So, I think fear association, anxiety association. And then I'm also playing around with this idea, maybe do a series on Instagram or maybe another talk with someone about, is it anxiety or is it society? And so, talking about things that were made to feel shame about. So, I don't know if you can see on our webcam that I have my nails painted. I would never have done this in Kentucky. So, growing up in this, I remember vividly in elementary school, I sat with my legs crossed and someone said, “That's how a girl sits. You have to sit with your foot up on your leg.” So, I did for the rest of my life. And then I wore a shirt with colorful fish on it, and they said, “Oh, you can't wear that, guys don't wear that.” So, I didn't. I stopped wearing that and all these things, whether it's about our body shape or femininity or things we enjoy that are maybe dorky or geeky. I just started playing Dungeons and Dragons. We have a campaign next week. And I remember kids getting bullied for that. I don't know if you agree, but I see this under the umbrella of ERP. So, you're exposing yourself to this potential situation where there's shame or embarrassment, or you might get picked on. Someone might still see these on the train and go, “What are you doing with painted nails?” And I'm going to choose to do that anyway. I still get a little squirmy sometimes, but I want to. I want to do that and I want that for my friends and family too. And I see it in, like you said, in little kids. A lot of my cousins have young kids and just overhearing boys can't wear pink, or you can't be that when you grow up, or just these associations where I think you can, I think you can do that. Kimberley: I love this so much because I think you're so right in why ERP is for everyone. It's funny, I'll tell you a story and then I don't want to talk about me anymore, but-- Andrew: No, I want to hear it. That's fine. Kimberley: I had this really interesting thing happen the other day. Now I am an ERP therapist. My motto is, “It's a beautiful day to do hard things.” I talk and breathe this all day, and I have recovered from an eating disorder. But this is how I think it's so interesting how ERP can be layered too, is I consider myself fully recovered. I am in such good shape and I get triggered and I can recover pretty quick. But the other day, I didn't realize this was a compulsion that I am still maybe doing. I went to a spa, it was a gift that was given to me, and it says you don't have to wear your bathing suit right into the thing. So, I'm like, “Cool, that's fine. I'm comfortable with my body.” But I caught myself running from the bathroom down into the pool, like pretty quickly running until I was like, that still learned behavior, it's still learned avoidance from something I don't even suffer from anymore. And I think that, to speak to what you're saying, if we're really aware we can-- and I don't have OCD, I'm open about that. If all humans were really aware, they could catch avoidant behaviors we're doing all the time that reinforces fear, which is why exposure and response prevention is for everybody. Some people be like, “Oh, no, no. I don't even have anxiety.” But it's funny what you can catch in yourself that how you're running actually literally running. Andrew: Literally running. Yeah. Kimberley: Away. So, that's why I think you've mentioned how social anxiety shows up and how exposure and response prevention is important for that. And daily fears, societal expectations, that's why I think that's so cool. It's such a cool concept. Andrew: Yeah. And so, help me since I do consider you the expert here, but I've heard clinically that ERP can be used for OCD but also eating disorder, at least our clinic in Louisville serves OCD, eating disorder, and PTSD. And so, I see the similarities there of the anxiety cycle, the OCD cycle for each of those. So, then let's say that's what ERP is proposed for. But then we also have generalized anxiety and I think we're seeing that. I've heard Jenna Overbaugh talk about that as well. It's this scale between anxiety to high anxiety to subclinical OCD, to clinical OCD, and that ERP is good for all of that. So, we have those, and then we get into stress and avoidant behavior. So, I have this stressful meeting coming up, I'll find a way to skip it. Or I have this stressful family event, I'll find a way to avoid it. And then you get into the societal stuff, you get into these. And so, I see it more and more that yes, it is for everyone. Kimberley: Yeah. No, I mean, clinically, I will say we understand it's helpful for phobias, health anxiety, social anxiety, generalized anxiety. Under the umbrella of OCD are all these other disorders and, as you said, spectrums of those disorders that it can be beneficial for. And I do think-- I hear actually a lot of other clinicians who aren't OCD specialists and so forth talking about imposter syndrome or even like how cancel culture has impacted us and how everybody's self-censoring and avoiding and procrastinating. And I keep thinking like ERP for everybody. And that's why I think like, again, even if you're not struggling with a mental illness, imposter syndrome is an avoidant. Often people go, procrastination is an avoidant behavior, a safety behavior or self-censoring is a safety behavior, or not standing up for you to a boss is an opportunity for exposure as long as of course they're in an environment that's safe for them. So, I agree with you. I think that it is so widespread an opportunity, and I think it's also-- this is my opinion, but I'm actually more interested in your opinion, is I think ERP is also a mindset. Andrew: Yeah. Kimberley: Like how you live your life. Are you a face-your-fear kind of person? Can you become that person? That's what I think, even in you, and actually, this is a question, did your identity shift? Did you think you were a person who couldn't handle stresses and now you think you are? Or what was the identity shift that you experienced once you started ERP? Andrew: Yeah. That's a good question. I've had a few identity shifts over the years. So, I mentioned-- and not to be conceited, although here I am self-censoring because I don't want to come across as conceited anyway. So, I was an all-A student in high school, and then OCD and depression hit hard. And so, throughout college, freshman year I got my first B, sophomore year I got my first C, junior year I got my first D. And so, I felt like I was crawling towards graduation. And this identity of myself as Club President, all-A student, I had to come to terms with giving up who I thought I could be. I thought I could be-- people would joke, “You'll be the mayor of this town someday, Andrew.” And I watched this slip away and I had to change that identity. And not to say that you can't ever get that back with recovery, but what I will say is through recovery, I don't have that desire to anymore. I don't have that desire to be a hundred percent. I'm a big fan of giving 80%. And mayor is too much responsibility. I don't know, maybe someday. So, that changed. And then definitely, through that down downturn, I thought, I can't handle this. I can't handle anxiety, I can't handle stress. People are going to find out that this image I've built of myself is someone who can't handle that. So, then comes the dip coming back up, ERP, starting to learn I can maybe but also-- I love to bounce all over the place, but I think I want to return a bit to that idea that you don't have to fix it. You don't have to solve the problem. I think that was me. And that's not realizing that I was making it harder on myself, that every moment of the day I was trying to optimize, fix, problem-solve. If you allow me another detour, I got on early to make sure the video chat was working, sound was okay. And I noticed in my walk over to my computer, all the things my brain wanted me to do. I call my brain “Dolores” after Dolores Umbridge, which is very mean to me. My wife and I, Dolores can F off. But I checked my email to make sure I had the date right. Oops, no, the checking behavior. Check the time, making sure, because we're nine hours apart right now. “Oh, did I get the time difference right?” I thought about bringing over an extra set of lights so you could see me better. I wanted to make sure I didn't eat right before we talked, so I didn't burp on camera, made sure I had my water, and it was just all these-- and if I wasn't about to meet with an OCD expert, I wouldn't have even noticed these. I wouldn't have even noticed all of these checking, fidgeting, optimizing, best practicing. But it's exhausting. And so, I'm going to maybe flip the script and ask you, how do you think other people that are not diagnosed with OCD, that are just dealing with anxiety and stress can notice these situations in their life? How do they notice when, “Oh, I'm doing an avoidant behavior,” or “I'm fixing something to fix my anxiety that gives me temporary relief”? Because I didn't notice them for 10 years. Kimberley: Yeah. Well, I think the question speaks to me as a therapist, but also me as a human. I catch every day how generalized anxiety wants to take me and grab me away. And so, I think a huge piece of it is knowledge, of course. It's knowledge that that-- but it's a lot to do with awareness. It's so much to do with awareness. I'll give you an example, and I've spoken about this before. As soon as I'm anxious, everything I do speeds up. I start walking faster, I start typing faster, I start talking faster. And there's no amount of exposure that will, I think, prevent me from going into that immediate behavior. So, my focus is staying-- every day, I have my mindfulness book right next to me. It's like this thick, and I look at it and I go, “Okay, be aware as you go into the day.” And then I can work at catching as I start to speed up and speed type. So, I think for the person who doesn't have OCD, it is, first, like you said, education. They need to be aware, how is this impacting my life. I think it's being aware of and catching it. And then the cool part, and this is the part I love the most about being a therapist, is I get to ask them, what do you want to do? Because you don't have to change it. I'm not doing any harm by typing fast. In fact, some might say I'm getting more done, but I don't like the way it makes me feel. And so, I get to ask myself a question, do I want to change this behavior? Is it serving me anymore? And everyone gets to ask them that solves that question. Andrew: So, I think you bring up a good point though that I'm curious if you've heard this as well. So, you said you're typing fast and you're feeling anxious and you don't like how that feels. I would say for me, and I can think of certain people in my life and also generally, they don't realize those are connected. I didn't realize that was connected. In college, I'm wanting to drop out, I drop out of AmeriCorps, I drop out of summer camp. I'm very, very anxious and miserable and I don't know why. And looking back, I see it was this constant trying to fix things and being on alert. And I got to anticipate what this is going to be or else is going to go bad. I need to prevent this or else I'm going to have an anxious conversation. I need to only wear shorts in the winter because I might get hot. Oh no, what if I get hot? And it was constantly being in this scanning fear mindset of trying to avoid, trying to prevent, trying to-- thinking I was doing all these good things. And I saw myself as a best-practice problem solver. It's still something I'm trying to now separate between Dolores and Andrew. Andrew still loves best practices. But if I spend two hours looking for a best practice when I could have done it in five minutes, then maybe that was a waste. And I didn't realize that was giving me that anxiety. So, yeah, I guess going back to I think of family, I think of coworkers, I think of friends that I have a suspicion, I'm not a therapist, I can't diagnose and I'm not going to go up, I think you have this. But seeing that they're coming to me and saying, “I'm exhausted. I just have so much going on,” I think in their head, it's “I have a lot of work.” Kimberley: External problems. Andrew: Yeah. I may be seeing-- yeah, but there's all this tension. You're holding it in your shoulders, you're holding it here, you're typing fast and not realizing that, oh, these are connected. Kimberley: And that's that awareness piece. It's an awareness piece so much. And it is true. I mean, I think that's the benefit of therapy. Therapists are trained to ask questions so that you can become aware of things that you weren't previously aware of. I go to therapy and sometimes even my therapist will be like, “I got a question for you.” And I'm like, “Ah, I missed that.” So, I think that that's the beauty of this. Andrew: I had a fun conversation. I gave a mental health talk at my school and talked about anxiety in the classroom, and thanks to IOCDF for some resources there, there's a student that wanted to do a follow-up. And I thought this was very interesting and I loved the conversation, but three or four times he was like, “Well, can I read some self-help books, and then if those don't work, go to therapy?” “No, I think go to therapy right away. Big fan of therapists. I'm not a therapist. You need to talk to a therapist.” “Okay. But what if I did some podcasts and then if that didn't work, then I go to therapy?” “Nope. Therapy is great. Go to therapy now.” “Should I wait till my life gets more stressful?” “Nope. Go now.” Kimberley: Yeah, because it's that reflection and questioning. Everyone who knows me knows I love questions. They're my favorite. So, I think you're on it. So, this is so good. I also want to be respectful of your time. So, quick rounded out, why is ERP for everybody, in your opinion? Andrew: How do we put this with a nice bow on it? Kimberley: It doesn't have to be perfect. Let's make it purposely imperfect. Andrew: Let's make it perfectly imperfect. So, we talked before about the clinical levels – OCD, eating disorder, PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder. If you have any of those, take it from me personally, take it from you, take it from the thousands of people that said, “Hey, actually, ERP is an evidence-based gold standard. We know it works, we've seen it work. It's helped us. Let it help you because we care about you and we want you to do it.” And then moving down stress from work, from life. You have a big trip coming up. There's a fun scale, home's rocky, something stress inventory. I find it very interesting that some of them are positive, outstanding personal achievement like, “Oh, that's a stressful thing?” “Yeah, It can be.” And so, noticing the stressful things in your life and saying, “Well, because of these stressful things are the things I'm avoiding, things I'm getting anxious about, can I learn to sit with that?” And I think that mindfulness piece is so important. So, whether you're clinical, whether you're subclinical, whether you have stress in your life, whether you're just avoiding something uncomfortable, slightly uncomfortable, is that keeping you from something you want to do? Is that keeping you-- of course, we-- I don't know if people roll their eyes at people like us, “Follow your values, talk about your values.” Do you value spending time with your friends, but you're avoiding the social gathering? Sounds like ERP could help you out with that. Or you're avoiding this, you want to get a certification, but you don't think you'll get it and you don't want to spend the time? Sounds like ERP could help with that. We're in the sports field. My wife and I rock climbing, bouldering, disc golf. You value the sport, but you're embarrassed to do poorly around your friends? Sounds ERP can help with that. You value this thing. I think we have a solution. I've become almost evangelical about it. Look at this thing, it works so well. It's done so much for me. Kimberley: Love it. Okay, tell me where-- I'm going to leave it at that. Tell me where people can hear about you and get in touch with you and hear more about your work. Andrew: Mainly through Instagram at the moment. I have a perfectly imperfect Instagram name that you might have to put down. It's JustRught but with right spelled wrong. So, it's R-U-G-H-T. Kimberley: That is perfect. Andrew: Yeah. Which also perfectly was a complete accident. It was just fat thumbs typing out my new account and I said, “You know what, Andrew, leave it. This works. This works just fine.” Kimberley: Oh, it is so good. It is so good. Andrew: Yeah. So, I'm also happy I mentioned to you earlier that my wife and I have started this cool collab where I take some of her art and some of the lessons I've learned in my 12-plus years of therapy and we mix them together and try to put some lessons out there. But I'm currently an OCD advocate as well. You can find me on IOCDF's website or just reach out. But really excited to be doing this work with you. I really respect and admire your work and to get a little gushing embarrassed. When I found out that I got accepted from grassroots advocate to regular advocate, I said, “Guys, Kimberley Quinlan is at the same level as me.” I was so excited. Kimberley: You're so many levels above me. Just look at your story. That's the work. Andrew: The imposter syndrome, we talked about that earlier. Kimberley: Yeah, for sure. No, I am just overwhelmed with joy to hear your story, and thank you. How cool. Again, the reason I love the interviews is I pretty much have goosebumps the entire time. It just is so wonderful to hear the ups and the downs and the reality and the lessons. It's so beautiful. So, thank you so much. Andrew: I will add in, if you allow me a little more time, that it's not magic. We're not saying, “Oh, go do ERP for two days and you'll be great.” It's hard work. It's a good day to do hard things. I think if it was easy, we wouldn't be talking about it so much. We wouldn't talk about the nuance. So, I think go into it knowing it is work, but it is absolutely worth it. It's given me my life back, it's saved my relationships, it's helped me move overseas, given me this opportunity, and I'm just so thankful for it. Kimberley: Yeah. Oh, mic drop. Andrew: Yeah. Kimberley: Thank you again.

#108 - Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts with Shaun Flores

obsessive compulsive disorder flores tedx speaker unwanted intrusive thoughts iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 26, 2022 41:22

In this episode, I talked with Shaun Flores, OCD advocate, model, actor, and 2x Tedx Speaker to discuss his story as a black man with OCD. We talked about... - the shame in some communities regarding mental health difficulties - breaking the stigma associated with OCD - his experiences with intrusive thoughts, before and after finding a therapist who helped him You can learn more about Shaun and his work here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theshaunflores/ Portfolio: https://linktr.ee/theshaunflores This podcast should not be substituted, nor is meant to act as a substitute, for legitimate mental health treatment/a legitimate mental health treatment provider. This podcast and any information in it is solely the reflection of general knowledge and cannot be taken as a personal therapeutic recommendation. To find a therapist near you to work more directly with these issues, head over to treatmyocd.com, IOCDF.org, or nami.org. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jennaoverbaugh/support Join me on my #14daysofmagic challenge to become your best self for 14 days - learn more at magicmind.co/14daysofmagic and use code ATHT14 for 40% off your first subscription. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jennaoverbaugh/support

#107 - Perfectionism and Depression with Dr. Margaret Rutherford

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 22, 2022 42:39

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Margaret Rutherford, a psychologist, author, and host of The SelfWork Podcast. In this episode, we discuss.. - how perfectionism and perfectionistic tendencies can mask depression - why being vulnerable makes us feel unsafe - difficulty allowing yourself to express or feel anger, loss, grief, and other uncomfortable emotions - understanding perfectionism, destructive belief processes, and connecting with suppressed emotions You can learn more about Dr. Rutherford and her book, "Perfectly Hidden Depression", here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/about/ This podcast should not be substituted, nor is meant to act as a substitute, for legitimate mental health treatment/a legitimate mental health treatment provider. This podcast and any information in it is solely the reflection of general knowledge and cannot be taken as a personal therapeutic recommendation. To find a therapist near you to work more directly with these issues, head over to treatmyocd.com, IOCDF.org, or nami.org. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jennaoverbaugh/support Join me on my #14daysofmagic challenge to become your best self for 14 days - learn more at magicmind.co/14daysofmagic and use code ATHT14 for 20% off. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jennaoverbaugh/support

depression perfectionism rutherford margaret rutherford perfectly hidden depression iocdf selfwork podcast

Chrissie Hodges: Groinal and other physical symptoms of OCD (#347)

san francisco obsessive compulsive disorder hodges peer support physical symptoms iocdf

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 18, 2022 52:57

In episode 347 I interviewed Chrissie Hodges. Chrissie is a Peer Support specialist, founder of OCD Gamechangers, and Author of ‘Pure OCD: The Invisible Side of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder'. Chrissie was awarded the hero award at the 24th IOCDF conference in San Fran. We discuss some of the physical symptoms of OCD, worrying about telling her therapist about the physical symptoms that were manifesting for her, the groinal, compulsions around these bodily sensations, disgust and shame, when checking compulsions make you feel and think you acted on a worry, and much more. Hope it helps. Show notes: https://theocdstories.com/episode/chrissie-247 The podcast is made possible by NOCD. NOCD offers effective, convenient therapy available in the US and outside the US. To find out more about NOCD, their therapy plans and if they currently take your insurance head over to https://go.treatmyocd.com/theocdstories

#8: Liz McIngvale — The Mindset to Overcoming OCD, Cultivating Acceptance, and Treating OCD

You're Not Alone Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 14, 2022 65:14

Liz McIngvale is the founder fo the Peace of Mind Foundation which was acquired by the International OCD Foundation, a national advocate for the IOCDF, and the director of the McClean OCD Institute in Houston. In this episode, we talk about: Liz's personal story about the onset of her OCD. The difference of in-person and out-person treatment when it comes to OCD. The core mindsets needed to overcome OCD. The #1 proven talk therapy in ERP. Find Liz here: @drlizocd houstonocdprogram.org peaceofmind.com Find Zach here: zachwesterbeck.com @zach_westerbeck

peace mental health mindset overcoming therapy cultivating acceptance treating obsessive compulsive disorder brain health peace of mind erp international ocd foundation iocdf

Ep. 284 6-Part Series: Managing Mental Compulsions (with Shala Nicely)

Play Episode Listen Later May 13, 2022 41:43

SUMMARY: In this weeks podcast, we have my dearest friend Shala Nicely talking about how she manages mental compulsions. In this episode, Shala shares her lived experience with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and how she overcomes mental rituals. In This Episode: How to reduce mental compulsions for OCD and GAD. How to use Flooding Techniques with Mental Compulsions Magical Thinking and Mental Compulsions BDD and Mental Compulsions Links To Things I Talk About: Shalanicely.com Book: Is Fred in the Refridgerator? Book: Everyday Mindfulness for OCD ERP School: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com. CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 284. Welcome back, everybody. We are on the third video or the third part of this six-part series on how to manage mental compulsions. Last week's episode with Jon Hershfield was bomb, like so good. And I will say that we, this week, have Shala Nicely, and she goes for it as well. So, I am so honored to have these amazing experts talking about mental compulsions, talking about what specific tools they use. So, I'm not going to take too much time of the intro this time, because I know you just want to get to the content. Again, I just want to put a disclaimer. This should not replace professional mental health care. This series is for educational purposes only. My job at CBT School is to give you as much education as I can, knowing that you may or may not have access to care or treatment in your own home. So, I'm hoping that this fills in a gap that maybe we've missed in the past in terms of we have ERP School, that's an online course teaching you everything about ERP to get you started if you're doing that on your own. But this is a bigger topic. This is an area that I'd need to make a complete new course. But instead of making a course, I'm bringing these experts to you for free, hopefully giving you the tools that you need. If you're wanting additional information about ERP School, please go to CBTSchool.com. With that being said, let's go straight over to this episode with Shala Nicely. Kimberley: Welcome, Shala. I am so happy to have you here. Shala: I am so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. Kimberley: Okay. So, I have heard a little bit of your views on this, but I am actually so excited now to get into the juicy details of how you address mental compulsions or mental rituals. First, I want to check in with you, do you call them mental compulsions, rituals, rumination? How do you address them? Shala: Yeah. All those things. I also sometimes call it mental gymnastics up in your head, it's all sorts of things you're doing in your head to try to get some relief from anxiety. Kimberley: Right. So, if you had a patient or a client who really was struggling with mental compulsions, whether or not they were doing other compulsions as well, how might you address that particular part of their symptomology? Shala: So, let me answer that by stepping back a little bit and telling you about my own experience with this, because a lot of the way I do it is based on what I learned, trying to manage my own mental rituals. I've had OCD probably since I was five or six, untreated until I was 39. Stumbled upon the right treatment when I went to the IOCDF Conference and started doing exposure mostly on my own. I went to Reid Wilson's two-day group, where I learned how to do it. But the rest of the time, I was implementing on my own. And even though I had quite a few physical compulsions, I would've considered myself a primary mental ritualizer, meaning if we look at the majority, my compulsions were up in my head. And the way I think about this is I think that sometimes if you have OCD for long enough, and you've got to go out and keep functioning in the world and you can't do all these rituals so that people could see, because then people will be like, “What's wrong with you? What are you doing?” you take them inward. And some mental compulsions can take the place of physical compulsions that you're not able to do for whatever reason because you're trying to function. And I'd had untreated OCD for so long that most of my rituals were up in my head, not all, but the great majority of them. Exposure & Response Prevention for Mental Compulsions So, when I started to do exposure, what I found was I could do exposure therapy, straight up going and facing my fears, like going and being around things that might be triggering all I wanted, but I wasn't necessarily getting better because I wasn't addressing the mental rituals. So, basically, I'm doing exposure without response prevention or exposure with partial response prevention, which can make things either worse or just neutralize your efforts. So, what I did was I figured out how to be in the presence of triggers and not be up in my head, trying to do analyzing, justifying, figuring it out, replaying the situation with a different ending, all the sorts of things that I would do over and over in my head. And the way I did this was I took something I learned from Jonathan Grayson and his book, Freedom From OCD. I know you're having him on for this series too. And he talked about doing all this ERP scripting, where you basically write out the worst-case scenario, what you think your OCD thinks is going to happen and you write it in either a worst-case way or an uncertainty-focused way. And what I did was after reading his book, I took that concept and I just shortened it down, and anything that my OCD was afraid of, I would just wrap may or may not surround it. So, for instance, an example that I use in Is Fred in the Refrigerator?, my memoir, Taming OCD and Reclaiming My Life was that I used to-- when I was walking through stores like Target, if I saw one of those little plastic price tags that had fallen on the ground, if I didn't pick it up and put it out of harm's way, I was afraid somebody was going to slip and fall and break their neck. And it would be on some security camera that I just walked on past it and didn't do anything. So, a typical scrupulosity obsession. And so, going shopping was really hard because I'm cleaning up the store as I'm shopping. And so, what I would do is I would either go to Target, walk past the price tag. And then as I'm just passing the price tag, I would say things. And in Target, I obviously couldn't do this really out loud, mumble it out loud as best, but I may or may not cause somebody to kill themselves by they're going to slip and fall on that price tag because I didn't pick it up. I may or may not be an awful, terrible rotten human being. They may or may not catch me and throw me into jail. I may or may not rot in prison. People may or may not find out what a really bad person I really am. This may or may not be OCD, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And that would allow me to be present with the obsessions, all the what-ifs – those are basically what-ifs turned into ‘may or may nots' – without compulsing with them, without doing anything that would artificially lower my anxiety. So, it allowed me to be in the presence of those obsessive thoughts while interrupting the pattern of the mental rituals. And that's really how I use ‘may or may nots' and how I teach my clients to use ‘may or may nots' today is using them to really be mindfully present of what the OCD is worried about while not interacting with that content in a way that's going to make things worse. So, that's how I developed it for myself. And I think that-- and that is a tool that I would say is an intermediary tool. So, I use that now in my own recovery. I don't have to use 'may or may nots'. It's very often at all. If I get super triggered, which doesn't happen too terribly often, but if I get super triggered and I cannot get out of my head, I'll use 'may or may nots'. But I think the continuum is that you try to do something to interrupt the mental rituals, which for me is the 'may or may nots'. You can also-- people can write down the scripts, they can do a worst-case scenario. But eventually, what you're trying to get to is you're trying to be able to hear the OCD, what-ifs in your head and completely ignore it. And I call that my shoulders back, the way of thinking about things. Just put your shoulders back and you move on with your day. You don't acknowledge it. What I'll do with clients, I'll say, “If you had the thought of Blue Martian is going to land on my head, I mean, you wouldn't even do anything with that thought. That thought would just go in and go out and wouldn't get any of your attention.” That's the way we want to treat OCD, is just thoughts can be there. I'm not going to say, “Oh, that's my OCD.” I'm not going to say, “OCD, I'm not talking to you.” I'm not going to acknowledge it at all. I'm just going to treat it like any other weird thought that we have during the day and move on. Your question was, how would you help somebody who comes in with mental rituals? Well, first, I want to understand where are they in their OCD recovery? How long have they been doing these mental rituals? What percentage of their compulsions are mental versus physical? What are the kind of things that their OCD is afraid of? Basically, make a list or a hierarchy of everything they're afraid of. And then we start working on exposure therapy. And when I have them do exposures, the first exposure I do with people, we'll find something that's-- I start in the middle of the hierarchy. You don't have to, but I try. And I will have them face the fear. But then I'll immediately ask them, what is your OCD saying right now? And they'll tell me, and I'll say, “I want you to repeat after me.” I have them do this, and everyone that I see hates this, but I have them do it. Standing up with their shoulders back like Wonder Woman, because this type of power pose helps them. It changes the chemistry of your body and helps you feel more powerful. OCD thinks it's very powerful. So, I want my clients to feel as powerful as they can. So, I have them stand like Wonder Woman and they repeat after me. Somebody could-- let's just say we are standing near something red on the floor. And I'll say, “Well, what is your OCD saying right now?” And they'll say, “Well, that's blood and it could have AIDS in it, and I'm going to get sick.” I'll say, “Well, that may or may not be a spot of blood on the floor. I may or may not get sick and I may or may not get AIDS, but I want to do this. I'm going to stay here. OCD, I want to be anxious, so bring it on.” And that's how we do the exposure, is I ask them what's in their head. I have them repeat it to me until they understand what the process is. And then I'm having them be in the presence of this and just script, script, script away. That's what I call it scripting, so that they are in the presence of whatever's bothering them, but they're not up in their head. And anytime something comes in their head, I teach them to pull it down into the script. Never let something be circulating in your head without saying it out loud and pulling it into the script. I will work on this technique with clients as we're working on exposures, because eventually what we'll want to do is instead of going all over the place, “That may or may not be blood, I may or may not get AIDS, I may or may not get sick,” I'll say, “Okay, of all the things you've just said, what does your OCD-- what is your OCD scared of the most? Let's focus on that.” And so, “I may or may not get AIDS. I may or may not get AIDS. I may or may not have HIV. I may or may not get AIDS,” over again until people start to say, “Oh, okay. I guess I don't have any control over this,” because what we're trying to do is help the OCD habituate to the uncertainty. Habituate, I know that'd be a confusing word. You don't have to habituate in order for exposure to work due to the theory of inhibitory learning, but we're trying to help your brain get used to the uncertainty here. Kimberley: And break into a different cycle instead of doing the old rumination cycle. Shala: Yes. And so then, I'll teach people to just find their scariest fear. They say that over and over and over again. Then let's hit the next one. “Well, my family may or may not survive if I die because if I get a fatal disease and I die and my family may or may not be left destitute,” and then over and over. “My family may or may not be left destitute. My family may or may not be left destitute, whatever,” until we're hitting all the things that could be circulating in your head. Now, some people really don't need to do that scripting because they're not up in their head that much. But that's the minority of people. I think most people with OCD are doing something in their head. And a lot of people aren't aware of what they're doing because these mental rituals are incredibly subtle at times. And so, as people, as my clients go out and work on these exposures, I'll have them tell me how it's going. I have people fill out forms on my website each day as they're doing exposures so I can see what's going on. And if they're not really up in their head and they don't really need to do the ‘may or may nots', great. That's better. In fact, just go do the exposure and go on with your life. If they're up in their head, then I have them do the 'may or may nots'. And so, that's how I would start with somebody. And so, what I'm trying to do is I'm giving them what I call a bridge tool. Because people who have been mental ritualizing for a long time, I have found it's virtually impossible to just stop because that's what your mind is used to doing. And so, what I'm doing is I'm giving them a competing response. And I'm saying here, instead of mental ritualizing, I'd like you to say a bunch of 'may or may nots' statements while standing up and say them out loud while looking like Wonder Woman. Everybody rolls their eyes like, “Really?” But that's what we do as a bridge tool. And so, they've lifted enough mental weights, so to speak, with this technique that they can hear the OCD and start to disengage and not interact with it at all. Then we move to that technique. Flooding Techniques for Mental Rumination Kimberley: Is there a reason why-- and for some of the listeners, they may have learned this before, but is there a reason why you use 'may or may nots' instead of worst-case scenarios? Shala: For me, for my personal OCD recovery journey, what I found with worst-case scenario is I got too lost in the content. I remember doing-- I had had a mammogram, it had come back with some abnormal findings. I spent the whole weekend trying to do scripting about what could happen, and I was using worst-case scenario. Well, I end up in the hospital, I end up with breast cancer, I end up dead. And by the end of the weekend, I was completely demoralized. And I'm like, “Well, I don't bother because I'm going to be dead, because I have breast cancer.” That's where my mind took it because I've had OCD long enough that if I get a really scary and I start and I play around in the content, I'm going to start losing insight and I'm going to start doing depression as a compulsion, which is the blog we did talk about, where you start acting depressed because you're believing what the OCD says like, “Oh, well, I might as well just give up, I have breast cancer,” and then becoming depressed, and then acting like it's true. And then that's reinforcing the whole cycle. So, for me, worst-case scenario scripting made things worse. So, when I stayed in the uncertainty realm, the ‘may or may nots' that helped because I was trying to help my brain understand, “Well, I may or may not have breast cancer. And if I do, I mean, I'll go to the doctor, I'll do what I need to do, but there's nothing I can do about it right now in my head other than what I'm doing.” Some people like worst-case scenario and it works fine for them. And I think that works too. I mostly use 'may or may nots' with clients unless they are unable through numbing that they might be doing. If they're unable to actually feel what they're saying, because they're used to turning it over in their head and pulling the anxiety down officially, and so I can't get a rise out of the OCD because there's a lot of really little subtle mental compulsions going on, then I'll insert some worst-case scenario to get the anxiety level up, to help them really feel the fear, and then pull back into 'may or may nots'. But there's nothing wrong with worst-case scenario. But for me, that was what happened. And I think if you are prone to depression, if you're prone to losing insight into your OCD when you've got a really big one, I think that's a risk factor for using that particular type of scripting. Magical Thinking and Mental Compulsions Kimberley: Right. And I found that they may or may not have worked just as well, except the one thing, and I'm actually curious on your opinion on this and I have not had this conversation, is I find that people who have a lot of magical thinking benefit by worst-case scenario, like their jinxing compulsions and so forth, like the fear of saying it means it will happen. So, saying the worst-case is the best exposure. Is that true for you? Shala: I have not had to use it much on my own magically. I certainly had a lot of magical thinking. Like, if I don't hit this green light, then somebody's going to die. But I think the worst-case scenario, I could actually work well in that, because if you use the worst-case scenario, it can make it seem so ridiculous that it helps people let go of it more easily. And I think you can do that with 'may or may nots' too. I'll try to encourage people to use the creativity that they have because everybody with OCD has a ton of creativity. And we know that because the OCD shares your brain and it's certainly the creative stuff And to one-up the OCD, you use the scripting to be like, “Gosh, I may or may not get some drug-disease and give it to my entire neighborhood. I may or may not kill off an entire section of my county. We may or may not infect the entire state of Georgia. The entire United States may or may not blow up because I got this one disease. So, they may or may not have to eject me off the earth and make me live on Mars because I'm such a bad person.” This ‘may or may not' is in all this crazy stuff too, because that's how to win, is to one up the OCD. It thinks that's scary, let's go even scarier. But the scary you get, it also gets a little bit ridiculous after a while. And then the whole thing seems to be a little bit ridiculous. So, I think you can still use that worst-case stuff with may or may not. Kimberley: Right. Okay. So, I mean, I will always sort of-- I know you really well. I've always held you so high in my mind in just how resilient and strong you are in doing this. How might you, or how do you help people who feel completely powerless at even addressing this? For you to say it, it sounds very like you're just doing it and it's so powerful. But for those who are really struggling with this idea of like, you said, coming out of your head, can you speak to how you address that in session if someone's really struggling to engage in 'may or may nots' and so forth? Shala: Yeah. Well, thank you for the kind words, first off. I think that it's really common for people with OCD by the time they get to a therapist to feel completely demoralized, especially if they've been to multiple therapists before they get to somebody who does ERP. And so, they feel like they're the victim at the hands of a very cruel abuser that they can't get away from. And so, they feel beaten down and they don't know how to get out of their heads. They feel like they're trapped in this mental prison. They can't get out. And if somebody is struggling like that, and they're doing the 'may or may nots' and the OCD is reacting, which of course, it will, and coming back at them stronger, which I always warn people, this is going to happen. When you start poking at this, the OCD is going to poke back and poke back even harder, because it wants to get you back in line so it can keep you prisoner. So, what I'll often do in those situations, if I see somebody is really feeling like they have been so victimized, that they're never going to be able to get over this, is the type of script I have them do is more of an empowerment script, which could sound like this: “OCD, I'm not listening to you anymore. I'm not doing what you want. I am strong. I can do this.” And I might add some 'may or may nots' in there. “And I want to be anxious. Come on, bring it on. You think that's scary? Give me something else.” I know you're having Reid Wilson on as part of this too. I learned all that “bring it on” type stuff and pushing for the anxiety from him. And I think helping people say that out loud can be really transformative. I've seen people just completely break down in tears of sort of, “Oh my gosh, I could do this,” like tears of empowerment from standing up and yelling at their OCD. If people like swearing, I also just have them swear at it, like they would really swear at somebody who had been abusing them if they had a chance, because swearing actually can make you feel more powerful too, and I want to use all the tools we can. So, I think scripting comes in a number of forms. It's all about really taking what's in your head, turning it into a helpful self-talk and saying it out loud. And the reason out loud is important for any type of scripting is that if you're saying it in your head, it's going to get mixed up with all the jumble of mental ruminating that's going on. And saying it out loud makes it hard for you to ruminate. It's not impossible, but it's hard because you're saying it. Your brain really is only processing one thing at a time. And so, if you're talking and really paying attention to what you're saying, it's much harder to be up in your head spinning this around. And so, adding these empowerment scripts in with the 'may or may nots' helps people both accept the uncertainty and feel like they can do this, feel like they can stand up to the OCD and say, “You've beaten me enough. No more. This is my life. I'm not letting you ruin it anymore. I am taking this back. I don't care how long it takes. I don't care what I have to do. I'm going to do this.” And that builds people up enough where they can feel like they can start approaching these exposures. Kimberley: I love that. I think that is such-- I've had that same experience of how powerful empowerment can be in switching that behavior. It's so important. Now, one thing I really want to ask you is, do you switch this method when you're dealing with other anxiety disorders – health anxiety, social anxiety, panic disorder? What is your approach? Is there a difference or would you say the tools are the same? Shala: There's a slight difference between disorders. I think health anxiety, I treat exactly like OCD. Even some of the examples I gave here were really health anxiety statements. With panic disorder-- and again, I learned this from Reid and you can ask him more about this when you interview him. But with pain disorder, it's all about, I want to feel more shorter breath, more like their elephant standing on my chest. I want my heart to be faster. But I'm doing this while I'm having people do exercises that would actually create those feelings, like breathing through a little bit of cocktail straw, jogging, turning up a space heater, and blowing it on themselves. So, we're trying to create those symptoms and then talk out loud and say, “Come on, I want more of this. I want to feel more anxious. Give me the worst panic attack you've ever had.” So, it's all about amping up the symptoms. With social anxiety, it's a little bit different because with social anxiety, I would work on the cognitions first. Whereas with OCD, we don't work on the cognitions at all, other than I want you to have a different cognitive relationship with your disorder and your anxiety. I want you to want the anxiety. I want you to want the OCD to come and bother you because that gives you an opportunity to practice. That's the cognitive work with OCD. I do not work on the cognitive work on the content. I'm not going to say to somebody, “Well, the chance you're going to get AIDS from that little spot of blood is very small.” That's not going to be helpful With social anxiety, we're actually working on those distorted cognitions at the beginning. And so, a lot of the work with social anxiety is going to be going out and testing those new cognitions, which really turns the exposures into what we call behavioral experiments. It's more of a cognitive method. We're going out and saying, “Gosh, my new belief, instead of everybody's judging me, is, well, everybody is probably thinking about themselves and I'm going to go do some things that my social anxiety wouldn't want me to do and test out that new belief.” I might have them use that new belief, but also if their anxiety gets really high and they're having a hard time saying, “Well, that person may or may not be judging me. They may or may not be looking at me funny. They may or may not go home and tell people about me.” But really, we're trying to do something a little bit different with social anxiety. Kimberley: And what about with generalized anxiety? With the mental, a lot of rumination there, do you have a little shift in how you respond? Shala: Yeah. So, it's funny that the talk that Michelle Massi and others gave at IOCDF-- I think it was at IOCDF this year about what's the difference between OCD and GAD is they're really aligned there. I mean, I treat GAD very similarly the way I treat OCD in that people are up in their heads trying to do things. They're also doing other types of safety behaviors, compulsive safety behaviors, but a lot of people GAD are just up in their head. They're just worried about more “real-life” things. But again, a lot of OCD stuff can be real-life things. I mean, look at COVID. That was real life. And people's OCD could wrap itself around that. So, I treat GAD and OCD quite similarly. There are some differences, but in terms of scripting, we call it “worry time” in GAD. It's got a different name, but it's basically the same thing. Kimberley: Right. Okay. Thank you for answering that because I know some folks here listening will be not having OCD and will be curious to see how it affects them. So, is that the practice for you or is there anything else you feel like people need to know going in, in terms of like, “Here is my strategy, here is my plan to target mental rituals”? What would you say? Shala: So, as I mentioned, I think the 'may or may nots' are bridge tool that are always available to you throughout your entire recovery. My goal with anybody that I'm working with is to help them get to the point where they can just use shoulders back. And the way that I think about this is what I call my “man in the park” metaphor. So, we've all probably been in a park where somebody is yelling typically about the end of the world and all that stuff. And even if you were to agree with some of the things that the person might say from a spiritual or religious standpoint, you don't run home and go, “Oh my gosh, we got to pack all our things up because it's the end of the world. We have to get with all of our relatives and be together because we're all going to die.” We don't do that. We hear what this guy's saying, and then we go on with our days, again, even if you might agree with some of the content. Now, why do we do that? We do that because it's not relevant in our life. We realize that person probably, unfortunately, has some problems. But it doesn't affect us. We hear it just like when we might hear birds in the background or a car honking, and we just go on with our day. That's how we want to treat OCD. What we do when we have untreated OCD is we run up to the man in the park and we say, “Oh my gosh, can I have a pamphlet? Let me read the pamphlet. Oh my gosh, you're right. Tell me more, tell me more.” And we're interacting with him, trying to get some reassurance that maybe he's wrong, that maybe he does really mean the end of the world is coming soon. Maybe it's going to be like in a hundred years. Eventually, we get to the point where we're handing out pamphlets for him. “Here, everybody, take one of these.” What we're doing with 'may or may nots' is we're learning how to walk by the man in the park and go, “The world may or may not be ending. The world may or may not be ending. I'm not taking a pamphlet. The world may or may not be ending.” So, we're trying to not interact with him. We're trying to take what he's saying and hold it in our heads without doing something compulsive that's going to make our anxiety higher. What we're trying to do is practice that enough till we can get to the point where we can be in the park with the guy and just go on with our day. We hear him speaking, but we're really-- it's just not relevant. It's just not part of our life. So, we just move on. And we're not trying to shove him away. It's just like any other noise or sound or activity that you would just-- it doesn't even register in your consciousness. That's what we're trying to do. Now I think another way to think about this is if you think-- say you're in an art gallery. Art galleries are quiet and there are lots of people standing around, and there's somebody in there that you don't like or who doesn't like you or whatever. You're not going to walk up to that person and tap on their shoulder and say, “Excuse me, I'm going to ignore you.” You're just going to be like, “I know that person is there. I'm just going to do what I'm doing.” And I think that's-- I use that to help people understand this transition, because we're basically going from 'may or may nots' where we're saying, “OCD, I'm not letting you do this to me anymore,” so we are being really aggressive with it, to this being able to be in the same space with it, but we're not talking to it at all because we don't need to, because we can be in the presence with the intrusive thoughts that the OCD is reacting to, just like the presence of all the other thousands of thoughts we have each day without interacting with them. Kimberley: That's so interesting. I've never thought of it that way. Shala: And so, that's where I'm trying to get people because that is the strongest, strongest recovery, is if you can go do the things that you want to do, be in the presence of the anxiety and not do compulsions physical or mental, you don't give anything for OCD to work with. I have a whole chapter in my memoir about this after I heard Reid say at one of the conferences, “We need to act as though what OCD is saying doesn't matter.” And that was revolutionary to me to hear that. And that's what we're trying to do both physically and mentally. Because if you can have an obsession and focus on what you want to focus on, do what you want to do, you're not giving OCD anything to work with. And typically, it'll just drain away. But this takes time. I mean, it has taken me years to learn how to do this, but I went untreated for 35 years too. It may not take you years, but it may. And that's okay. It's a process. And I think if you have trouble trying to do shoulders back, man in the park, use 'may or may nots'. You can use the combination. But I think we're trying to get to the point where you can just be with the OCD and hear it flipping out and just go on with your day. OCD, BDD, and Mental Rituals Kimberley: In your book, you talk about the different voices. There is a BDD voice and an OCD voice. Was it harder or easier depending on the voice? Was that a component for you in that-- because the words and the voice sound a little different. I know in your memoir you give them different names and so forth, which if anyone hasn't read your memoir, they need to go right now and read it. Do you have any thoughts on that in terms of the different voices or the different ways in which the disorders interact? Shala: That's a really great question because yes, I think OCD does shift its voice and shift its persona based on how scared it is. So, if it's a little bit scared, it's probably going to speak to you. It's still going to be not a very nice voice. It might be urgent and pleading. But if it's super scared, I talk about mine being like the triad of hell, how my OCD will personify into different things based on how scared it is. And if it's super scared and it's going to get super big and it's going to get super loud in your head because it's trying desperately to help you understand you've got to save it because it thinks it's in danger. That's all its content. Then I think-- and if you have trouble ignoring it because it's screaming in your head, like the man in the park comes over with his megaphone, puts it right up against your ear and starts talking, that's hard to ignore. That's hard to act like that's not relevant because it hurts. There's so much noise. That's when you might have to use a may or may not type approach because it's just so loud, you can't ignore it, because it's so scared. And that's okay. And again, sometimes I'll have to use that. Not too terribly often just because I've spent a long time working on how to use the shoulder's back, man in the park, but if I have to use it, I use it. And so, I think your thought about how do I interact with the OCD based on how aggressive it's being also plays into this. Kimberley: I love all this. I think this is really helpful in terms of being able to be flexible. I know sometimes we want just the one rule that's going to work in all situations, but I think you're right. I think that there needs to be different approaches. And would you say it depends on the person? Do you give them some autonomy over finding what works for them, or what would you say? Shala: Absolutely. If people are up in their heads and they don't want to use 'may or may nots', I'll try to use some other things. If I really, really think that that's what we need right now, is we need scripting, I'll try to sell them on why. But at the end of the day, it's always my client's choice and I do it differently based on every client. For some clients, it might be just more empowering statements. For some clients where it's more panicky focused, it might be more about bringing on your anxiety. Sometimes it might be pulling self-compassion in and just saying the self-compassion statements out loud. So, it really does vary by person. There's no one-size-fits-all, but I think, I feel that people need to have something to replace the mental ritualizing with at the beginning that they've been doing it for a long time, just because otherwise, it's like, I'm giving them a bicycle, they've never ridden a bicycle before and I won't give them any training wheels. And that's really, really hard. Some people can do it. I mean, some people can just be like, “Oh, I'm to stop doing that in my head? Okay, well, I'll stop doing that in my head.” But most people need something to help them bridge that gap to get to the point where they can just be in the presence with it and not be talking to it in their heads. Kimberley: Amazing. All right. Any final statements from you as we get close to the end? Shala: I think that it's important to, as you're working on this, really think about what you're doing in your head that might be subtle, that could be making the OCD worse. And I think talking and being willing to talk about this to therapists about putting it all out there, “Hey, I'm saying this to myself in my head, is that helpful or harmful?” Because OCD therapy can be pretty straightforward. I mean, ERP, go out and face your fears, don't do rituals. It sounds pretty straightforward. But there is a lot of subtlety to this. And the more that you can root out these subtle mental rituals, the better that your recovery is going to be. And know too that if you've had untreated OCD for a long time, you can uncover mental rituals, little bitty ones, for years after you get out of therapy. And that's okay. It doesn't mean you're not in recovery. It just means that you are getting more and more insightful and educated about what OCD is. And the more that you can pick those little things out, just the better your recovery will be. But we also don't want to be perfectionistic about that like, “I must eliminate every single mental ritual that I have or I'm not going to be in a good recovery.” That's approaching your ERP like OCD would do. And we don't want to do that. But we do want to be mindful about the subtleties and make sure to try to pull out as many of those subtle things that we might be doing in our heads as possible. Kimberley: Amazing. Thank you. Tell us-- again, first, let me just say, such helpful information. And your personal experience, I think, is really validating and helpful to hear on those little nuances. Tell us where people can hear about you and the amazing projects you've got going on. Shala: You can go to ShalaNicely.com and I have lots of free blog posts I've written on this. So, there are two blog posts, two pretty extensive blog posts on 'may or may nots'. So, if you go on my website and just search may or may not, it'll bring up two blog posts about that. If you search on shoulders back or man in the park, you'll find two blog posts on how to do that technique. I also have a blog post I wrote in the last year or so called Shower Scripting, which is how to do ERP, like just some touch-up scripting in the shower, use that time. So, I would say go to my website and you can find all sorts of free resources. I've got two books. You can find on Amazon, Everyday Mindfulness for OCD, Jon Hershfield and I co-wrote. And we talk about ‘may or may nots' and shoulders back and some of the things in there just briefly. And then my memoir, Is Fred in the Refrigerator?: Taming OCD and Reclaiming My Life, is also on Amazon or bookstores, Audible, and that kind of thing. Kimberley: I wonder too, if we could-- I'm going to put links to all these in the show note. I remember you having a word with your OCD, a video? Shala: Oh yes, that's true. Kimberley: Can we link that too? Shala: Yes. And that one I have under my COVID resources, because I'm so glad you brought that up. When the pandemic started, my OCD did not like it, as many people who have contamination OCD can relate to. And it was pretty scary all the time. And it was making me scared all the time. And eventually, I just wrote it a letter and I'm like, “Dude, we're not doing this anymore.” And I read it out loud and I recorded it out loud so that people could hear how I was talking to it. Kimberley: It was so powerful. Shala: Well, thank you. And it's fun to do. I think the more that you can personify your OCD, the more you can think of it as an entity that is within you but is not you, and to recognize that your relationship with it will change over time. Sometimes you're going to be compassionate with it. “Gosh, OCD, I'm so sorry,” You're scared we're doing this anyway. Sometimes you're going to be aggressive with it. Sometimes you just ignore it. And that changes as you go through therapy, it changes through your life. And I think that recognizing that it's okay to have OCD and to have this little thing, I think of like an orange ball with big feet and sunglasses is how I think about it when it's behaving – it makes it less of an adversarial relationship over time and more like I have an annoying little sibling that, gosh, it's just not going to ever not be there, but it's fine. We can live together and live in this uncertainty and be happy anyway. Kimberley: I just love it. Thank you so much for being here and sharing your experience and your knowledge. It's so wonderful. Shala: Thank you so much for having me.

covid-19 united states amazon art mental managing mars target standing wonder woman spread hiv aids audible obsessive compulsive disorder excuse erp gad refrigerators compulsion magical thinking stumbled bdd shala reid wilson everyday mindfulness body focused repetitive behaviors iocdf habituate exposure response prevention refridgerator jon hershfield your anxiety toolkit

Ep. 284 6-Part Series: Managing Mental Compulsions (with Shala Nicely)