Dating, Relationships, and Disability

“I'm just really busy.” How often have you heard this and have also found yourself saying it? About anything? We live in a too busy world. I sometimes find it being my automatic response when people ask how I am. It's probably very valid. You are busy. Life frequently offers a lot to us. It can be very hard to say no. But….many times what keeps us busy is not what is most important or will give us the results we really want in our life. Being "too busy" can be an excuse to avoid dating and potential heartbreak. It felt safe to keep myself occupied and not take the risk of getting hurt. But deep down, I knew I was missing out on meaningful connections and the opportunity for love. Breaking free from the cycle of using busyness as an excuse It took some self-reflection and a realization that my fear of getting hurt was hindering my chances of finding a fulfilling relationship. I had to prioritize my happiness and make space in my life for dating. It meant reevaluating my schedule, setting boundaries, and making a conscious effort to carve out time for socializing and meeting new people. It also meant I had to get really honest with myself that I was using being too busy to avoid being vulnerable and getting hurt. However, I was just hurting myself in a different way by isolating myself from love under the guise of a busy calendar. So, for those who find themselves constantly using busyness as an excuse, what advice would help? The first step is to acknowledge that being busy is a choice we make. We have control over how we manage our time and priorities. It's important to assess what truly matters to us and make room for relationships. Start by identifying any unnecessary commitments or activities that can be scaled back or eliminated. Delegate tasks if possible, and learn to say no to things that don't align with your priorities. Remember, making time for love is really about putting yourself first and that your desire for love is as important as any other aspect of our lives. There are many potential fears and concerns that may be driving individuals to use busyness as an excuse. What are some common underlying reasons behind this behavior? One common fear is the fear of vulnerability and getting hurt. Dating requires opening ourselves up to the possibility of rejection or disappointment, which can be scary. Using busyness as an excuse shields us from those potential hurts. Additionally, some people may have experienced past relationship traumas or have a fear of commitment. These factors can contribute to the desire to stay busy and avoid emotional risks. It's important to recognize that taking emotional risks is a natural part of dating and finding a meaningful connection. While there are no guarantees, the rewards of love and companionship are worth the vulnerability. Seek support from friends or a thCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Rejection is something many people fear, regardless of their ability or disability. I hesitated to put myself out there and avoided pursuing relationships. It took a toll on my self-esteem and held me back from experiencing the joy of dating. In fact, it stopped me from dating for several years.It wasn't easy, but I realized that rejection is a part of life for everyone, regardless of ability or disability. I began to acknowledge that rejection hurts, but it doesn't define me. It's a temporary setback, not a permanent label. I started reframing my mindset and focusing on my strengths and what I have to offer in a relationship.It's essential to recognize that rejection is not a reflection of your worth as a person. Everyone faces rejection at some point in their lives, and it doesn't diminish their value. It's important to surround yourself with supportive friends and a community that understands and appreciates you. They can provide the encouragement and reassurance you need during challenging times.How can you maintain a positive attitude and not let it hinder your dating journey?Self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend going through a similar situation. Remember that rejection is often a result of compatibility issues or personal circumstances, rather than a reflection of your worthiness of love. Embrace the rejection as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. Additionally, focus on your accomplishments and the positive aspects of your life. Celebrating those successes will remind you of your value and boost your confidence.Now, let's discuss the importance of effective communication when faced with rejection. What role does it play in maintaining healthy relationships?Communication is vital, both in expressing our feelings and in understanding the feelings of others. When faced with rejection, it's essential to have open and honest conversations with the other person involved. This helps to gain clarity and closure, allowing both individuals to move forward and learn from the experience. It's also important to remember that rejection can be an opportunity to reassess our preferences and priorities, ensuring that we are seeking compatible relationships.Remember that rejection is a part of life's journey for everyone. It's not unique to you. Embrace the fact that rejection can be a stepping stone toward finding the right person. Allow yourself to grow from these experiencesand keep an open heart. The right person will appreciate and love you for who you are, disability and all. Don't let rejection define your dating journey or limit your possibilities for happiness.The Rejection Survival Guide Download The Rejection Survival Guide to see rejection in a new way so that it doeCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Today we'll be discussing the importance of doing a belief audit to improve self-esteem and confidence when it comes to dating.We'll be diving into the importance of doing a belief audit and how it can positively impact your love life. But before we jump in, let's define what a thought audit actually is.A belief audit, also known as a thought audit, is the process of examining and evaluating the thoughts and beliefs we hold about ourselves. It involves questioning and challenging the beliefs we have internalized over time, especially those that may be negative, self-limiting, or hindering our progress in any aspect of life, including dating.Beliefs are like the lenses through which we view the world. They shape our perception of ourselves, others, and the possibilities that lie ahead. When it comes to dating, our beliefs about our worth, attractiveness, and abilities can significantly impact our self-esteem and confidence. Many people with disabilities have faced societal misconceptions and stereotypes, leading to self-doubt and limited belief systems.Our beliefs can either propel us forward or hold us back. They can influence how we present ourselves, engage with others, and ultimately, affect the outcomes we experience in our dating lives. So why is it important to conduct a belief audit?Doing a belief audit is a powerful tool for improving self-esteem and confidence when it comes to dating with a disability. By examining our negative beliefs and challenging them, we can develop a more positive self-image and become more resilient in the face of rejection and other challenges.Where Do We Go From Here? I'm going to challenge you to take 30 minutes within the next 48 hours to do a belief audit. You can download the Five Beliefs to Successful Dating guide to help you with looking at key areas to strengthen your beliefs in yourself for dating.ResourcesEpisode on the Power to Attract.Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

If you have been listening to me or following me for any length of time, you know that what I want most for people is to have success in dating and relationships. I see the mission of my life's work to move the needle so that people with disabilities or the disabled, whichever you prefer, are more easily viewed and accepted as dating and relationship partners.That's why we now have the Dating Made Easier membership for people to give people skills and support to make dating more easy and enjoyable, while helping you get the results you've been longing for.Many times when we think about achieving a goal, we think about all the things we need to do in order to have success. And yes with dating there are a lot of thing you have to do like working up the courage to put yourself out there, work on your own belief about what you deserve, and figure out exactly how you're going to meet people.But sometimes when we're pursuing a goal, the things we stop doing can get us to success even quicker. I was reflecting on this in my own life and realized there were five clear things I stopped doing that directly led to my version of ultimate dating success, meeting my husband.Check out Episode 1 for our first date story.Here are the five things I stopped doing:I stopped being open to long distance relationships and narrowed the radius of the location of my potential matches.I stopped thinking younger men would not be interested in me.I stopped believing that someone's discomfort with my disability was about me and withdrawing because of someone's discomfort with me.I stopped giving in to thoughts that would not serve me in the momentI stopped refusing to take risks to say what I really felt.What might you need to stop doing in order to get the dating success you've been longing for? Are there things you're doing that you know in your heart of hearts is holding you back from the love and belonging you know you deserve?Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Many people will not try online dating or maybe tried it at one time, had a bad experience or no experience, meaning no results, and will not try it again. While I will always say, you need to do you and decide what's best for you, there's no denying that online dating can be successful for many. According to a 2019 study, around 39% of straight couples and 65% of same-sex couples meet online.I want to encourage you, especially if you're having trouble meeting people, to consider changing up what you do in trying to get out there and date. This may include trying new ways to meet people in order to allow new people into your world.Sometimes when you're not meeting new people in your circles, online dating can be that path that opens you up to new possibilities.Ah, but then there's the safety factor. I wholeheartedly agree and years ago when I was single and online dating was very new, it took me a long time to warm up to the idea of meeting someone through a computer (these were the days before we even knew what an app was).When it comes to dating, safety and happiness go hand in hand. I don't think this topic gets talked about enough but in order to enjoy dating, feel good about yourself and be confident, you need to feel safe. The good news is you have a lot of control around how safe you feel. Listen to the show for 10 online dating safety tips.It's so important to feel safe and happy while dating, and encourage your audience to prioritize their own well-being when pursuing romantic relationships.If you find you need a little more support in this area, check out our Do I Feel Safe guide to help you determine your level of safety in relationships.Episode 14 on Dating Apps and SafetyCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

This is going to be a slightly different episode today. Usually most of the episodes are geared toward people with disabilities and providing dating advice and strategies. Today, I want to turn the attention to professionals who work in disability services, whether you're a special educator, program coordinator, direct service provider, or executive director. My mission and the mission of my company, Radiant Abilities, is to “move the needle” as I call it so that people with disabilities are more readily seen as dating and relationship partners.In order to do this, I believe the work in changing the dating scene is not only up to people with disabilities but also the professionals within the field. For years, as I built my business, I worked myself in the disability field in various positions ranging from program coordinator of direct service to Medicaid service coordinator to community integration counselor. I have to say, I would very infrequently see services and goals include dating and relationships, even though that was one of the most meaningful goals for many people I have worked with.I think the main reason this is not addressed as much as it should be is that professionals themselves aren't sure how to go about assisting someone with solving the dating and relationships puzzle. Last year we here at Radiant Abilities undertook the tasks of interviewing over 100 professionals in disability services throughout the United States.Here's some highlights of what we learned:87% of professionals interviewed rank dating and relationships with PWDs as important all the time or important when it comes up.  93% who are concerned about social issues rank it either important all the time or important when it comes up. A third of professionals identified dating as one of biggest challenges Aside from the above statistic, professionals report that resources for dating and relationships are not working 75% of the time.The Solution We're launching at the end of January, the Supporting Dating and Relationships membership for professionals. Last week we announced a membership for individuals, with and without disabilities, to teach dating and relationship skills. We are also launching a membership for professionals in teaching and supporting professionals in how to effectively address and foster these skills in the people they work with.A Look InsideFor professionals who join the membership, which is a monthly membership in which every month you get new resources and ongoing support, you get our complete curriculum on supporting dating and relationship skills for people with disabilities. The curriculum includes 16 video lessons, accompanying worksheets, discussion guides, and other resources. You get instant access to that as soon as you join. Then because so many of the professionals we interviewed mentioned wanting and needing ongoing support in this area, the monthly membership will include the following:Workshop/Training of the MonthGroup brainstorming session.Additional resource guide or worksheetDeep-dive into an element of the curriculum with Q & A.“Ask Alexa (and Kathy)” - members can email or through the site us direct questionsFacebook group - this is only for members to share ideas and network with each otherAll workshops, brainstorming sessions, and video tutorials are added for on demand access.Where Do We Go From Here? Free informational workshops will be happening in late January. Sign up here to get on the list.Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

We're going to make dating easier in 2023!  Coming in late January, Dating Made Easier, a monthly membership that will teach you dating and relationship skills that will transform you and your dating journey in the following areas:Increase Dating Self  Esteem  - Learn how to identify your unique Power to Attract the dating experiences and relationships you want.Grow Your Confidence - Develop confidence and achieve your specific dating and relationship goals.Learn Skills to Keep Relationships - Gain the skills in communication, problem solving, and being authentic in relationships. Here's what you get with the Dating Made Easier Membership:Workshop of the Month - 30-40 minute live presentation on a dating and relationship skill or issue.Group brainstorming session to address questions people are having about specific dating and relationship challenges. Additional resource guide of the month released with a live video tutorial to accompany it. Networking meeting for group members to get to know one another and work on communication skills. Bonus Week 5 of the  Month - Group members will vote for their preference at the beginning of the month for an additional workshop, brainstorming session, or networking meeting.Additional Features:“Ask Alexa  (and Kathy)” - members can email or through the site us direct questionsFacebook group - this is only for members to social share with each otherAll workshops, brainstorming sessions, and video tutorials will be recorded and added into a video library on the site.Cost:  $29/month or $290/annuallyPremium Features: For $179/month, members get all the above issues and two individual, 45 minute consulting a month.FAQs:Workshops and all meetings are in a group format. They are offered live to maximize interaction and answer specific questions. Everything is recorded for on demand viewing.There's an option to purchase a premium membership and receive one-on-one coaching.Results are based on you and that's great news because you're the only one that can get out there and meet the person you've been longing to meet. We can certainly help give you the skills and support to make that EASIER and to help you feel less alone in the journey.You can cancel the membership at any time before the 25th of each month for the following month.The membership will be run by myself and my colleague, Alexa Strickland. Kathy has 25 years of experience working as a mental health counselor on dating and relationships skills. She created the Dating and Healthy Relationships curriculum, an online course and hosts the weekly podcast on dating. Kathy transformed from a struggling single to happily married. Alexa is a counselor and trainer in dating and relationships. She works with people to find love and acceptance within themselves and in their relationships. Alexa is also a researcher on ableism and the barriers it can create in forming healthy relationships.Where Do We Go From Here? Beginning in late January, we'll be offering free informational workshops that will get you started with the skills to make dating easier and to fill you in on what the membership can do for you. Sign up here to be notified of the dates and times of workshops.And  if you're a professional in the disability field, hang on for next week because guess what? We have a membership for you too! Details next week.Interview with AlexaMusic by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

There are a lot of hard parts of dating - having the courage to put yourself out there, facing the possibility of rejection, getting hurt, having difficult conversations, and the list can go on and on. Sometimes it certainly may not feel worth it, but it is, especially if you want to share your life with someone. Today I want to talk about a dating difficulty that wasn't on that brief list - putting yourself out there and receiving no response at all. It's a rejection but not a direct one. It can sometimes feel worse than a direct one because you think, What, I'm not even worthy of a response?This is a very common problem for all people dating. Many people don't have the skills to communicate hard things like “Thank you so much for the offer, but I have other plans or I'm not interested.” We think we don't want to hurt people's feelings, but downright ignoring someone's interest in you is not exactly kind eitherHow To Handle No ResponseAs I see it, there are basically two ways to respond to no response. You can obviously do nothing about it. Let it go. Write it off. Move on. The key in all this is to not internalize it as rejection. You have no concrete reason why they didn't respond so don't make it something negative about you. If they don't have effective communication skills, that's on them, not you. Don't use no response against yourself.Remind yourself it's their loss. Congratulate yourself that it was terrific that you put yourself out there and took a risk. Also remember as with most things in life, the more you get a no, the closer you get to a yes.The alternative to not saying anything to someone not responding to you at all is, of course, to say something. Circle back. Say, “Hey, I mentioned us doing XYZ and never heard from you. Could you tell me what's going on?”Yes, this is a more bold option. But if it's calling to you to not ignore a no response, then go for it. I would just recommend doing it in a more matter of fact way and not an emotional way. If you do react emotionally rather than try to have a conversation, you may prove to the person why they didn't respond to your invite. Also with this option, don't internalize what the other person says. Remember, there's another way of looking at rejection. Rejection is simply someone else's preference. It's not about you, who you are, or what you're about.Where Do We Go From Here? It's not fun to work up the courage to reach out to someone and express interest, only to receive no response or follow up. But what else are you going to do? You have to put yourself out there if you have that dream in your heart about finding your person. Putting yourself out there is how you do that.Keep doing it. Keep showing up for yourself, not them. If you don't get a response to asking someone out, decide if you're going to let it go or say. Either way, though, don't use it against yourself or to hold you back from your dreams. No one is ever worth that.Resources Free download - Whenever we talk about a topic that is harder when it comes to dating and relationships, I like to remind you of the Dating Affirmations to help you maintain confidence as you put yourself out there.Go to it, my friend, keep pursuing that dream no matter what responses (or lack of) you get. Your desire for love is so worth it.Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

How can we change society to accommodate disability?I was recently at a conference in which this was asked of the audience in a workshop on presuming competence and ableism.  It got me thinking what if we were to substitute the word society with dating? How can we change dating to accommodate disability?That question in itself may be the rest of my life's work. It's huge. It's the answer to so many challenges around dating and disability. If we accommodated, which I define as people opening up their minds and hearts, in the dating world, how would dating become different for everyone? Would people be more compassionate, tolerant, and understanding of not just people with disabilities but all people? Would people be more patient and kind, rather than be so quick to swipe left?How Do We Accommodate?Self Awareness I think we begin with a lot more self awareness on everyone's part. This means being aware and taking responsibility for the judgments we have. I'm talking about people who are disabled and people who are not. We often think that if we're dating someone without a disability that they will certainly have judgments of us, but don't we also have judgments about them which creates defenses? These defenses then create barriers to further understanding one another.If we engage with one another from a place of being aware and owning our judgments, that will foster a more genuine understanding and openness with one another.Willingness to Let Go of What You Think You WantThis will seem contrary to what I usually talk and teach about regarding knowing what kind of partner you want, which I do believe is important. However, it helps to have a little openness to being surprised by what the universe sends your way. While it's good to know our general type, it's also very healthy to have wiggle room for the unexpected.I'm sure if six months before my husband met me, if someone said to him, “Hey, you know that woman you've been longing to meet? She'll have cerebral palsy by the way,” he probably would have said, “I don't think so.” But meeting me and having the openness to let go of expectations as we got to know one another helped him accommodate for a disabled partner.Become a Problem SolverWhen you live with a disability, problem solving becomes second nature because we have to do it constantly. Everything from inaccessible entrances to workplace discrimination to dealing with condescending people, we problem solve.What I notice in the dating world, is a disability equates to a problem, but not as easily do people think about a solution. When you're face with the potential of your date being a wheelchair user or on the spectrum, why not ask “Well, how could hanging out with this person work?” This question is so much more accommodating than the “They're different, this won't work,” mentality.There you have three ways that you, whether you're disabled or not, can make dating more accommodating. Be self aware and take ownership of your judgments. Don't project them on to others. Let go of expectations of what you think is the person you should be with. And be a problem solver, someone who knows everything can be figured out.That, my friend, is how we begin to make dating more accommodating.ResourcesThe Dating Strategies GuideMusic by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Today I want to flip the script a little. Normally I'm encouraging people who are out there dating and meeting people to focus on yourself, your thoughts, your behaviors, and what you want. All of those things you should definitely do. But sometimes it helps to just consider what your dates or people you want to be your dates are thinking.Remember, a thought doesn't make anything real. This actually can work to your advantage. One thing I've been thinking about lately is how there are definitely people who would never consider dating someone with a disability. I think it may actually be a good exercise to go into the mind of someone like this to examine that belief and see the fallacy in it.Let's even give them a gender neutral name, Pat. Say Pat looks at someone with a disability and thinks I would never want to be with someone like that. If we're really being honest, there's a good chance that Pat would not even see the person with a disability.So Pat has some belief systems that separate them from other people. It could be they think they're superior. It could be there very consumed in their own little world. It could be the perceived vulnerability of a disability shakes their own vulnerability way too much.What may come out instead is pity, ableism, judgment, or all three. This is where the fallacy thinking comes in. It's the belief in staying in the past, in what has been, rather than what could be. That thought of I have never been attracted to people with disabilities, why would I begin now?Why would I open myself to a new way to love?I believe we're are changing how people see us with disabilities, but it's slow. I believe the more we can pursue the relationships we want and even risk rejection and getting hurt, the more we evolve that thinking that shuts down so much growth and opportunity.The important thing for you to know is their thinking is not ultimately about you, even though you may feel that way. Their belief system is based on a way of thinking that hasn't yet caught with the potential of you.When you encounter this, it may be helpful to pause and say, “Oh that's interesting that you think that way.” No need to get defensive. They just have not caught up with you yet.  You just keep being you and getting out there and doing your thing. I assure you, the more you do, the more you'll increase your chances of finding more like minded people.ResourcesRemember your affirmations and beliefs for helping you stay grounded in your value. Check out the updated version of Rising Above Sexual Ableism for this week to help you with that.Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Ableism is a system of false beliefs that discriminate against people with disabilities in society and can be quite hurtful and damaging to your self-esteem and confidence. The good news is that you don't need to buy into ableism. Yes, it's out there but it doesn't need to define you. To feel more empowered over the effects of ableism, let's first look at how it has affected you. What are some ways you have dealt with false beliefs related to ableism? How has it affected you in both overt and subtle ways? Take five minutes to write about your challenges in this area. How does this affect your feelings about yourself and your confidence?"The secret to change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but building the new." - Socrates What are some positive beliefs you can believe about yourself and your disability? For example, My disability and the experience of living with it only adds to what I have to offer.Boundaries and Relationship Skills In rising above ableism, it is so crucial to focus on developing healthy boundaries and the ability to clearly communicate them. This helps to build healthy relationship skills. What boundaries do you think are important for a healthy relationship then practice communicating your boundaries. You can communicate your boundaries by first identifying what you need and want to be different in the relationship. Example -  "Having personal space and time to myself to engage in activities that I enjoy" or "Having a partner/friend that respects my ideas, thoughts, and opinions." Example - "My personal space and time is important to me, I need space to do the activities that I enjoy." Checking In With Yourself If something doesn't feel right, trust how you feel and communicate about it. Ask yourself "Is this how I want to be feeling with this person?" It is so important to take the time to practice checking in with yourself. This will help you become aware if you are being treated fairly and what needs to be addressed in the relationship. In the area below, write down 3 questions that you can ask yourself to check in to see if you are truly happy in a relationship. Example -"Do I like the way I am being spoken to?" "Are my needs being met?" "Am I feeling happy and satisfied in this relationship?" ResourcesDownload the updated version of the resource guide, Rising Above Ableism, to help you take a look at how you are so much more than the discrimination you deal with due to your disability.Episode #2 - What is Sexual Ableism?Radiant Abilities Dating ResourcesMusic by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

If you're someone out there trying to date or even wanting to date and maybe you're not yet seeing the results you want, it may be challenging to feel grateful for the dating process. When you're feeling lonely, isolated, and not receiving the attention you are so craving from others, being grateful may very well be the last thing you want to feel.But it could be so helpful.Hear me out on this. According to Harvard Health, “Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.” Basically, gratitude changes our state of mind from one of lack to looking at what we do have.I know you're saying, “But what do I have? I don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend. I can't even get people to swipe on my profile.”I realize how hard being alone can feel. I had many years of enduring that feeling. It definitely doesn't feel good. But this right here, when nothing feels like it's working and you're lonely as hell, is when you most need that sense of gratitude.What to be Grateful for About Dating I'm encouraging you to look at whatever your dating experience has been and find what you're grateful for. There has to be something. Whether it's a relationship that ended, but taught you something about yourself or a quality about your personality that you have learned about yourself in pursuing relationships. Maybe it's something that when it happened, you felt angry or resentful, but then after time, you realized there was some blessing in that not so great experience. I remember dating a guy for a few months and really liking him, but he broke it off. When he did he told me he wanted to be with someone who was “more into their body.” I of course took offense to this but over time, I realized that I was not really appreciating the body (and figure!) I had in my early thirties. So I was eventually grateful for that “nudge” by that former boyfriend.Step into gratitude by looking at what you're learning about the dating process, even through failure. Are you learning to better communicate through trial and error? Are you getting a better sense of the kind of person you want to be with? Maybe you're learning what you won't tolerate in relationships? There IS something you're grateful for, my friend. Find it. Name it. Own it. And use it to help you get even better in dating and relationships.Simple Exercise There's no resource guide for this podcast because I want you to do a very simple exercise. Take out your phone, tablet, or even a good old fashioned index card. Write or record what you're grateful for. Look at it every day, preferably multiple times a day, until it's embedded in your beautiful brain. Embody what you're grateful for. If you do this, you'll begin to notice a change in your thinking and approach to dating and relationships. Things will begin to feel more doable.There's a lot within you to be grateful for, my friend, as well as the journey you're on. Everything is happening for a reason. Trust that.Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Are you someone who has difficulty dating because of others in your life not being receptive to the idea of you dating? I continue to hear about this happening. The supports in someone's life are just not open to the idea of dating. They say no, you can't date, even though they have no authority to do this. Keep in mind, in most states, even legal guardianship, doesn't give someone the authority to do this.But it can be hard when the people in your life don't support, and hence, don't do anything to help you with one of your biggest dreams. Sometimes you may need transportation to meet up with someone, or you may need someone to give you encouragement, or you may need help accessing your money to pay for something dating related. And you don't get it.This can be very frustrating and can make you feel helpless. What may help in situations is to become a dating advocate. What exactly is a dating advocate? Well, it's pretty simple, much like any advocacy situation, you promote your right to date and have intimate relationships.This may begin by talking to others in your life about why you want to date and why it's meaningful to you. Many times others put up barriers to dating because they're afraid for someone's safety. I like to believe that once someone understands your why behind your dream, they're more likely to want to help you. If people love you and want your best, then wouldn't they want you to ultimately feel love And happiness despite heartbreak, failures and challenges that go along with dating for most people.However, sometimes they may know your why and still not be supportive and even try to prevent you from dating. This is when you may have to elevate your advocacy efforts.As I said at the beginning, even legal guardianship can usually not prevent a person from developing relationships. We're all entitled to love and affection and that is our right.I want to talk about sexual consent for just a minute. It's a complicated issue and varies state by state. I'm am definitely not an expert in it, but I do want to say unless you have been deemed unable to understand what sexual consent is and the implications of giving sexual consent, and your viewed as an adult in the state you live in (it varies by state), you can give sexual consent. Someone else cannot say no on your behalf.Going back to advocacy, you can intensify it in the area of dating by reminding people of your rights to relationships, to make decisions, to take risks, and even fail. If the people preventing you from dating are saying they're just trying to keep you safe or from getting hurt, please remind them that most people who date and eventually form very loving relationships, get hurt somewhere along the way. This is about the dignity of risk.You may also need to identify a couple people in your life who can be allies for you and help you advocate. Remember strength in numbers. Chose someone who you really trusts and who gets you.Reach out to advocacy groups in your state or local area. They're out there, willing to help you.Keep at it. Advocate for you right to date and develop relationships. Dating and intimacy is a quality of life issue. Don't let anyone diminish that for you.ResourcesIf you need more help, check out the  Who's Your Support System resource guide to help you look at who in  your life can be allies in dating and relationships.Episode 20 - Who is Your Support System?Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

One of the most significant barriers I have found in both working with people with disabilities on dating and relationships, as well as counseling people is how to undo a negative belief. It can be real hard to do so, especially when you had others give you negative messages, reacted negatively to you, or you haven't received the results you have wanted in your dating pursuits. Just to explain a little further by what I mean by results. Results are the outcomes you're looking to achieve by anything you try. In dating and relationships, results can be getting a date, people responding to your dating profile, meeting new people who could be potential dates.If we don't get good feedback on what we're trying to do and/or the results we want, it makes it hard to undo a negative belief. For example, I know a man with CP who worked up the courage to ask a girl out in high school. She just said to him, “Are you always going to walk that way?” Statements like this can keep negative beliefs, like no one will find me attractive because of my disability, really entrenched in our minds.When we have been hurt and the world hasn't validated our worth, it can be really hard to undo negative beliefs.But what else are you going to do? Go through life letting negative beliefs rule and make you feel worse about yourself?Our brains can be very sneaky. They can make us think that what we believe is reality. But I don't think you want your reality to be doubting yourself or feeling you can't achieve what you want.You need to consciously choose what you want to think and believe about yourself. Let me show you how to to do this by example.Let's take the example of no one will date me because I have a disability. You have to begin to undo this by thinking what is the replacement belief you want. In this case, the thought you might obviously want to have is people will date me and accept my disability.This may seem like a jump from no one will date me to people in general will date me. But what about a bridge thought? A bridge thought is a thought that is a smaller step to a bigger belief. For our example here, the bridge thought could be, there's someone out there who would love to date me. That way you're focusing on believing a more manageable belief. This more manageable belief can then help undo the negative belief of no one wanting to date you.Now here's the key to all this. When you find yourself believing a negative, you got to stop your brain and redirect it to the positive belief, almost like you would a small child. Say “Oh no, we're not doing that, we're going over here.”It takes work to redirect our minds away from negative beliefs but that's how we begin to do it. This is so important because most of the time, whatever we believe becomes our reality. If you believe people won't date you because of your disability, that will likely be your experience. However if your mind believes there's someone out there for you, chances are much greater you'll find that person.Undo those negative beliefs, my friend. They're not serving you. Have confidence that you can undo negative beliefs. Follow the example I provided about coming up with a bridge thought if developing a positive thought seems like too much of a jump in your thinking. You can do this. ResourcesTo help you, check out this download, Five Beliefs For Successful Dating With A Disability for guidance on beliefs that lead to more successful dating.Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

The most common questions people ask when wanting to date is how do I meet people.I certainly wondered about this when I was single. Most of my friends were married and by the time I was in my 30s, I really didn't want to hang out in a bar. So how do you meet people? I have some ideas. As with much of what I recommend, it involves strategies and you'll need to actually do it.FamiliarityFamiliarity sparks friendships and relationships, find activities you would like to regularly participate in. The more others see you on a frequent basis, the more they get to know you.This will increase the probability of meeting people you get to know over time and allow relationships to grow.Take a new look at the places and activities you're already involved in. Are there people in those places that can be of potential dating interest?Try New PlacesThe key is to balance familiar, regular places you go to with trying new places and events to meet people.Get outside of your comfort zone. Try new places, events, and activities. You never know what will come of it.Online DatingOnline dating is not for everyone, but can be a great way to meet people.Do what feels right for you. Always make safe decisions in getting to know someone and before you meet them in person.If you decide to try online dating, what are 1 - 3 sites you can look into and possibly join. It may be good to stay with a site at last three months before switching.Putting thought, time, and energy into these details to reflect who you are will likely increase the chances for success.ResourcesHow to Meet People guideThe Dating Profile guideLink to podcast episode 29 on How to Meet PeopleRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesMusic by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Chris Johnson describes himself as a 42-year-old man in a wheelchair with Cerebral Palsy,  He says, "My experience with dating and relationships amounts to a series of unrequited crushes throughout my adolescence and adulthood. I've never been on a date or had a girlfriend. In the past two years or so, I've really grown emotionally and spiritually, and I feel ready to enter a committed romantic relationship with a woman who's willing and able to share a life with me. I believe that ableism poses a large obstacle to dating and relationships for people with disabilities. We're seen as undesirable partners due to our physical limitations, as well as the issues these limitations pose regarding mobility, fitness, and perceived attractiveness. I'm average-looking at my worst, but for years, I believed I was ugly because of my weight. Although I think I would be seen in a better light if I lost quite a few pounds, I doubt if that alone could negate the effects ableism has on my social life.One of the many reasons I appreciate Radiant Abilities is their effort to educate people on how to recognize ableism and overcome it. It's so ingrained in our society that people—both able-bodied and differently-abled—don't often realize on a conscious level that they are engaging in it. I guarantee that I myself have deep-seated ableist attitudes that need to change. Radiant Abilities can help me change them with the resources you provide. The advice I would give to people with disabilities who are in search of dating success and healthy relationships is to first cultivate an attitude of self-love and self-confidence. Become the person you want to be in a relationship with. Stay humble and grateful, while filling your mind with positive thoughts and intentions. Then, speak those affirmations aloud until you feel as if you have already attained the success you seek. Your confident, positive energy will attract potential partners who will also be confident and positive. This type of manifestation takes patience and faith. It's a process I've found myself in for nearly two years now, and I feel like things are slowly but surely aligning for me to find a path to a life partner."ResourcesRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesYou can connect with Chris on:FacebookTwitterInstagramThe Purple Knight podcast about his favorite musician, PrinceMusic by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

This may sound in opposition to what I normally talk about when it comes to dating and relationships. If you're having fear and doubt about yourself in the dating and relationship, that can actually be a good sign. And you're saying, “Wait a minute, don't you preach self esteem and confidence when dating and in relationships?”Yes, I do, but having good self esteem and confidence doesn't mean you're free from fear and doubt. Sometimes the people who have the highest amounts of self esteem and confidence struggle with fear and doubt the most. Many times this is because they're taking big risks to reach their dreams and it's scarier than all heck.The difference with these people is they don't let fear and doubt stop them. They work through the fear and doubt to keep meeting the new opportunities and challenges to face them on the way to their dreams.Fear and doubt, in nearly anything, can be a good sign because it usually means you're growing, changing, and challenging yourself to move forward in life. If you have fear and doubt in dating, maybe that means you're challenging yourself to get out there, rather than allowing your fear to stop you from doing so.Make Friends With Fear and Doubt It's human nature to shrink from fear and doubt. No one wakes up and says, “Yes! I'm going to fear scared and doubt myself all day long.” But when we avoid feeling fear and doubt at all costs, even our dreams and what we want most in the world, we're letting fear and doubt rule.We don't make friends with fear and doubt. What I mean by that is we don't chase fear and doubt away and we don't hide from it. We just let it be. We have it come to us as a way of understanding why it's there, much like we would a friend.I have a few prompts that you could ask yourself to help you be less intimidated by fear and doubt, especially in dating and relationships.How about just being curious, rather than upset or nervous, by fear and doubt? This helps put you in a state of wonder, rather than anxiety.Why don't you ask fear and doubt why they showed up, much like you would a friend? The answer may give you the exact insight you need.Ask yourself how can I take fear and doubt along with me on this endeavor rather than allow it to stop me? Again, much like you might go on a journey with a friend.These tips might sound weird to you, but be open to it. What do you have to lose if you find fear and doubt are preventing you from maybe putting yourself out there, connecting with someone, or just believing in yourself.Trust me, when I was confident enough to tell my husband I wanted to get to him more on our first date, I was still filled with fear and doubt. I just did it anyway.Remember fear and doubt can be a good thing. It means you're shaking things up and reaching outside your comfort zone. A lot of growth can happen there. Remember the prompts to treat fear and doubt more like a friend.Free ResourceDownload these Affirmations for Confidently Living with Disability for that confidence boost you often need for working through fear and doubt.Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

If you're listening to this around the time that it's published, we're newly into the last quarter of the year. It seems every year, although we know October, November and December come every year, we are surprised by its arrival.Did you have plans and goals for yourself this year, maybe around dating and relationships? Was this going to be the year that things finally changed and you met someone? But now it's October and you're thinking, “Shoot this is like every other year.”Don't give up! You got three months to make progress.Why not pick a small goal for each month - October, November and December - to make just a little or a lot of progress toward your goals?Some examples could be writing your dating profile. Remember you should have one whether or not you're doing online dating,You could join a group, virtually or in person, as a way of meeting new people?Or tell three people you're looking to date and do they know anyone for you to meet?Pick one goal per month to work on. Who knows? You may actually meet someone.ResourcesIf you feel you need help with this, download the 3, 2, 1 Plan, which helps you come up with three positive affirmations, two powerful beliefs about dating, and one action you can take toward your dating goals. Bonus points for coming up with three actions, one for each month.The year is not over! Make this season count! Don't give up!CreditsMusic by Successful MotivationArtwork photo by Elevate

We're talking about the effects of ableism on intimate relationships. We're talking with my colleague at Radiant Abilities, Alexa Strickland. Alexa is a Mental Health Counselor and Trainer who has researched ableism, sexuality, and intimate relationships.In Alexa's research, The Effects of Ableism on People With Disabilities in Intimate Relationships,  the premise was “the purpose of this study is to examine the effects of ableism on PWDs in intimate relationships using the Ableism and Relationships survey to assess experiences of ableism in dating and relationships and how these experiences may affect their self-esteem and confidence, sense of sexuality, and their ability to form intimate relationships.” Alexa does a great job breaking down what this means.She also discusses both the type/severity of a disability can influence attitudes towards PWDs in intimate relationships.We talk about the challenges participants experienced in dating/relationships such as rejection, receiving hurtful/discriminatory comments about their disability, and perceived as asexual/unattractive.Alexa shares a sampling of the answers to these questions:What challenges have you experienced in dating or relationships? Do you feel like this challenge(s) makes it difficult to form intimate or meaningful relationships with others? She wraps up by talking about the three biggest takeaways you had from the research.As with most of my guests, we chat about the particular challenges for people with disabilities in dating and relationships, as well as societal changes needed to see people with disabilities as dating and relationships partners.Alexa also shares the most helpful advice you can give for someone with a disability in search of dating success and healthy relationships.Lastly, she mentions the two new groups she's beginning on Acceptance, Disability, and Relationships and Managing Anxiety.  Open to NYS residents. Contact Alexa for more details.Resources Free download - Rising Above Sexual Ableism. Use this download as a resource for strengthening your skills live the life you want and have the relationships you want. CreditsMusic by Successful MotivationArtwork photo by Elevate

I want to give you a little context because I realize I often refer to “when I was single,” when talking about when I was on the path of trying to date with a disability. I did not meet my husband until just before I turned 39 and we were married two years later. I consider adulthood beginning at 18, so I was single and trying to date successfully for a good 20 years. Twenty years. That's a long time. Trust me, it felt long in the midst of it.In those 20 years, I had a lot of lonely nights. To me, lonely nights are twofold. There's the lonely of 8pm on a Saturday night and then there's the lonely of 3am. I'm sure you know what I mean. The 8pm lonely might have thoughts of “Everyone's out on a date or cuddling with their sweetheart but me.” It feels lonely and it sucks.Then the 3am lonely feels more like a panic. “Will I ever meet someone? Will anyone find me attractive?” And then it can spiral out of control. You begin to think, “Will I die alone?” Or at least, I did.I wanted to let you know that whether it's 8pm or 3am, you're not alone with these thoughts.And it will be okay.I think back now on my life and how those nights terrified me at the time. For a while, I had them so frequently, it left me sleep deprived.And life ended up working out for me. Nowadays my sleep is mainly disturbed by my son or dog waking me up.The Remedy The best advice I can give you for these lonely nights is to begin by acknowledging YOU'RE NOT ALONE. Many other single people are having lonely nights too. We just don't talk about it that much.Then develop a plan for yourself of how you're going to address the problem of the lonely nights. Are you going to begin going somewhere, maybe join a group to meet people, get on a dating site? What are you going to do that is within your control to meet people? When we're experiencing a negative emotion, such as loneliness, we want to honor and acknowledge that feeling, but we also want to take action toward the problem. This will help you from feeling like the problem is completely outside your control.Here are some concrete tips for that 8pm loneliness:Plan something for yourself ahead of time if you know you have plans. Maybe pick out a movie or show you've been wanting to see. Call a friend and get together. Or plan to dive into your hobby at that time.Pamper yourself at that time. Do a spa night. Be good to yourself, as long as it's not eating a tub of Ben and Jerry's and a package of Oreos.Join a group, either online or in person, so you don't feel alone.Now, for the 3am loneliness:Love yourself. If you're having panicky thoughts about your life, your body and mind need love. Acknowledge three things you love about yourself.Reassure yourself that these are just thoughts in your beautiful head and have no reality to them.Take deep breaths. If you have trouble doing this on your own, YouTube has videos to guide you on this.If you're so inclined, pray or meditate. Turn it over to something more powerful than you.If needed, call those people in your life who you can call at 3am.Where Do We Go From Here? Download the Relationship Vision guide to help you put your focus on what you want to attract into your life rather than worrying about what you don't have.Did you hear we're conducting research on dating with a disability? Please schedule a time to talk with myself or my amazing colleague, Alexa. You can schedule at a time that's convenient for you.If you have an idea for a guest on the podcast, email me here

I want to thank the listeners who have already volunteered for the research interviews my colleague, Alexa, and I are doing. We have gotten such amazing insights and information already. If you would be willing to give us 30 minutes to interview you for some research, and yes, you can be sure it will include dating and relationships, sign up here for Kathy and here for Alexa.Now, I have a question for you, as I usually do. Do you have a dating tool bag? Are you saying, Kathy, what the heck is a dating tool bag? Well, if you've been listening for a bit, you know something I say a lot about dating with a disability is that it's hard, but totally possible, meaning you can figure it out. However, like a lot of puzzles in life, it may take time and TOOLS to figure it out. I have some suggestions based on what worked in my life and what is helpful for the people I help with dating and relationships.A Dating PlanFirst, you need to have a plan for approaching dating. I encourage you to come up with three positive messages you can tell yourself about dating, two encouraging beliefs you can develop about dating, and then decide on one action you're going to take to put yourself out there to date, such as get on a dating app or go to a particular event. I call this the 3, 2, 1 plan. The Dating Profile and Disclosure Writing a profile helps you get clear on the strengths and assets you bring to dating and relationships. If you are dating with a disability, you need to learn ways to disclose it in your dating profile. The How to Write a Kick Butt Dating Profile and Disclose Your Disability Guide may help.Your Support SystemUse this guide sheet to help you identify not just people but books, activities, and resources to help you in your dating and relationship journey.Talking About Your Disability This is NOT the same as disclosure of your disability. Once you disclose your disability, you need ways to talk about it  in a healthy, empowering ways. Check out the Bringing Disability Into Relationships Guide.Being Able To Have Tough Conversations Having Difficult Conversations Guide can help you figure out what to say for those difficult, but important conversations.CoachingThis is a service I offer in my business, Dating and Relationship Coaching. You can work one to one with me in a package of four 45 minute phone calls to brainstorm and strategize through the issues and struggles you're facing. Where Do We Go From Here?What do you need in your tool bag? Download one or all of the resources to help give you support and clarity on getting the results you want in dating and relationships.Resources 3, 2, 1 planThe How to Write a Kick Butt Dating Profile and Disclose Your Disability GuideWho's Your Support System GuideDisability Into Relationships GuideBringing Disability Into Relationships Guide.Dating and Relationship Coaching

I often get messages on social media like this: I'm looking for a disabled woman who wants marriage. Do you know of any honest matchmakers?While my heart goes out to people who have the vulnerability to ask this, I also cringe when I get asked this because I suspect that when someone asks about matchmaking, they are doubting their own ability to attract someone to themselves.Now, before you say, wait a minute, matchmaking works for a lot of people, let me say I know and I agree. My own parents were set up on a blind date and happily married for 65 years. I am not saying matchmaking doesn't work. What I am saying is it should not be your “go to” strategy for dating success. I believe a crucial part of making dating work for you is developing this sense of ownership that you are in control of your dating destiny. I think when people don't feel this, they can feel on some level like a victim because they're depending on others to find them “someone.”I know that's a strong statement to make and I truly don't say it to be critical. I just want you to consider if you're out there dating or wanting to date, are you depending on someone else to find your person because you don't believe you have that ability within yourself? Or perhaps you have been disappointed so many times, you have given up on being able to find someone on your own?I truly get the frustration and wanting help. I encourage you to ask for help. In fact, I always tell people if you're dating, let everyone in your life know so they can keep an eye out for a potential someone for you. But this is vastly different from solely relying on others to “hook you up” so to speak.If you want to use matchmaking to meet someone, use it as one of your tools in your dating tool bag. We'll be talking about that next week. Don't put the power in one person or site or organization to find you what you want most in this world.Where Do We Go From Here? Cultivate your Power to Attract. The message I shared at the beginning of this episode was from someone who said “normal women don't like disabled men for partners.” Therefore, he wanted a matchmaker who would match him with a disabled woman. Again, nothing wrong with preferring to date disabled people, except when you're doing it because you believe nondisabled people won't give you the time of day.Cultivating your Power to Attract is about owning that belief in yourself that you are attractive (whether physically, emotionally, intellectually, or all of the above), even in face of rejection and disappointment, because it's something that belongs within you. It doesn't come from outside or from others. It's about recognizing and nurturing the qualities within you that draw others to you. I would love to see you become your own best matchmaker. I know you have it in you. Resources Free download - The Power to Attract guide to help you in identifying those qualities within you that draw people to you.Did you hear in last week's episode we're conducting research on dating with a disability? Please schedule a time to talk with myself or my amazing colleague, Alexa. You can schedule at a time that's convenient for you.If you have an idea for a guest on the podcast, email me here.Music by Successful MotivationArtwork photo by Elevate

Click this link to schedule a time to talk with myself or my amazing colleague, Alexa. You can schedule at a time that's convenient for you.One of my biggest goals is to “move the needle on people with disabilities being seen as dating and relationship partners.” What I mean by that is I want to help not only people with disabilities see and own their worth, ability to attract, and what they offer to relationships, but I want society to see that more as well.If you know my story, you know why I'm so passionate about this. And if you don't know my story, here's the abridged version. I grew up having no models or guidance on how to date with a disability. No one talked to me about how to value myself in the dating world with a very obvious difference that cause others to judge me and immediately rule me out as potential dating material. Then came along a particular first date. In one moment, I was faced with giving up or taking a huge risk and acknowledging my value as a potential partner to my date. I chose the latter and my life changed. Listen to episode 1, I'm Just So Uncomfortable, for more details.Now I live the life I dreamt about for so many years. I want the same for you.Ah, but dating is hard, isn't it? Especially in a world where we can so easily swipe left to not even give someone a chance.And exactly how do you go about dating if you don't have experience? If people won't give you the chance?Do you tell people up front about your disability or wait until you get to know them? What if your disability is so apparent that that isn't an option for you?Lots of questions. Lots to figure out.IT CAN BE FIGURED OUT. Everything is Figureoutable. Check out one of my favorite books on this.I'm here, as well as the company I run, Radiant Abilities, to help you figure dating out for yourself.But first, I need to talk to you. Yes you, out there listening. I want to talk with you, meaning on zoom, in a one to one call.We're looking to talk to you about your dating experience, what has worked, what hasn't worked, and most of all, what would be helpful to you in feeling more successful in dating.Where Do We Go From Here? Click this link to schedule a time to talk with myself or my amazing colleague, Alexa. You can schedule at a time that's convenient for you.Resources Free download - Bringing Disability Into Relationships. Use this quick guide to help you to bring your disability into relationships in a healthy, empowering way.Everything is Figureoutable. (Book)If you have an idea for a guest on the podcast, email me here.Music by Successful MotivationArtwork photo by Elevate

Sometimes our own beliefs can be the biggest stumbling blocks to our dating and relationship success. Sometimes we just need to get out of our heads.My friend, Patrick McMullan, is back talking about his experience dating as a man with Cerebral Palsy. Patrick talks about how he did NOT tell his wife about his disability before their first date and why he chose not to tell her.He talks about how he learned to get out of his head and negative beliefs about himself in order to find dating and relationship success. Soon after he got out of his head and realized he just needed to be himself, he met his wife of 25 years.Patrick is also a father of four. His oldest children are twins. We talk about parenting with a disability, juggling the demands of a busy family life, and the secret to a happy marriage.Before signing off, Patrick shares some wise advice about showing up in the world as a person with a disability to really live the life you want. And most of all, why you need to share yourself with the world.Resources Free download - 8 STATEMENTS TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE FOR DATING WITH A DISABILITYCreditsMusic by Successful MotivationArtwork photo by Elevate

I've been wanting for a while to do a podcast from the male perspective of someone dating with a disability. Today I have another special guest, a friend of mine for over 30 years, Patrick McMullen.  Patrick and I first met as college freshman. Both of us have CP, but until then, knew very few other peers with disabilities.We talk about how growing up as one of five kids allowed him to be  naturally included in activities. However, because of the CP, Patrick struggled with being different and what he thought people thought of him.Patrick has enjoyed a successful career as a banker, has been married 25 years, and has four beautiful children. We talk about his personal experience in the area of dating, relationships, and disabilities.Since Patrick's been married quite a while, we talk about the concept of bringing a disability into a relationship so that it has a healthy presence in a relationship. ResourcesDownload - 5 Success Beliefs for DatingRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast and share the podcast with a friend.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

Whitney Bailey is on a mission to educate society while advocating for the needs of the disabled community and motivating others to maximize their potential.Whitney was born with cerebral palsy. She is a podcast host of Spastic Chatter, a platform meant to feature those in the cerebral palsy community. She gets together with individuals who have CP to have an uncensored chat about what it's like having this type of disability.Whitney is also the Director of Operations for Diversability, a social enterprise with almost 70k following across all social channels focused on elevating disability pride through disability community, visibility, and engaged allyship.In this episode, Whitney and I chat about:Why she began her podcast on Cerebral Palsy, Spastic Chatter.Her background or personal experience in the area of dating, relationships, and disabilities.The particular challenges for people with disabilities in dating and relationships?Her initial resistance to dating her boyfriend because of his disability.How she thinks society can change to be more open to seeing people with disabilities as dating and relationships partners.Her most helpful advice you can give for someone with a disability in search of dating success and healthy relationships.And her role in the organization Diversability.ResourcesThe Spastic Chatter PodcastDiversabilityWhitney's websiteWhitney on InstagramRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast and share the podcast with a friend.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

Today we're continuing our conversation with  Shirley Paceley, author of SHINING A LIGHT: Creating Pathways to Equity, Safety, Healing, and Justice With People with Disabilities.  See last week's episode for the first part of our conversation.One of my favorite parts of the book is a project Shirley shares about the Dare to Dream project. I feel strongly we need to do much more with people with disabilities to encourage them to go after their dreams and even take risks. I talk to Shirley about what were the key learnings she took away from the Dare to Dream project.We also talk about:The particular challenges for people with disabilities in dating and relationships.How society can change to be more open to seeing people with disabilities as dating and relationships partners.Helpful advice you can give for someone with a disability in search of dating success and healthy relationships.ResourcesSHINING A LIGHT: Creating Pathways to Equity, Safety, Healing, and Justice With People with DisabilitiesShirley's book in accessible format on Bookshare.Contact Information:Shirley Paceley - shirleypaceley@gmail.comRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast and share the podcast with a friend.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

I'm reading a great book, SHINING A LIGHT: Creating Pathways to Equity, Safety, Healing, and Justice With People with Disabilities by Shirley Paceley. Shirley Paceley has worked with people with disabilities for 48 years and has a master's degree in clinical psychology.   Shirley is a published author, international trainer, counselor, consultant, advocate, and visionary.  Shirley has co-created a multitude of resources for self-advocates, disability providers, educators, counselors, victim advocates, criminal justice professionals, and others. Shirley has dedicated her life to empower people with disabilities to be free, safe, and live meaningful lives. Shirley received the 2021 Professional Impact Award Fromm End Violence Against Women International.  In this first of a two part interview, we chat about: What made her want to write this bookWhere within her came her ability to naturally get that disability is just another form of diversity. How she has seen advocacy for people with disabilities transform over the recent yearsWhat's happening on the legislative side of sexual health for people with disabilitiesAnd after working with hundreds of sexual assault survivors with disabilities, what would she say to someone who has suffered sexual assault.ResourcesSHINING A LIGHT: Creating Pathways to Equity, Safety, Healing, and Justice With People with DisabilitiesShirley's book in accessible format on Bookshare.Contact Information:Shirley Paceley - shirleypaceley@gmail.comRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast and share the podcast with a friend.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

Today's show is released on the 32nd anniversary of the passage of the  Americans with Disabilities (ADA) act. While it hasn't fix all the issues, or even come close, to providing accessibility to all people with disabilities, the  ADA has certainly made a crack in the equality ceiling.For many of you, you have never known life without the ADA being the law. For others, like myself, I  remember standing in my family's home and watching the coverage on the news of the masses of people with disabilities on the steps of the Capitol, many of them crawling up the steps to demonstrate the need for access.What Does the ADA Have to Do with Dating?Wouldn't it be nice if we could legislate ramps into  people's minds and hearts so that society could more readily see people with disabilities as dating and relationship partners? Since that won't ever happen, it's really up to YOU to make it happen.Pursue your dreams to meet people, date, and find loving relationships. If you have that desire in your heart, HONOR it. Go for it, despite the judgments and perceptions you face from people. That is how we all are going to eventually build a ramp to people's hearts and minds.Where Do We Go From Here?The resource guide for this episode is the Dating Strategies guide.  This guide will help you develop a mindset for dating success, help you figure out how you want to communicate about your disability with dates, and brainstorm how to meet people. ResourcesDating Strategies guideRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast and share the podcast with a friend.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

In the month of July, we're celebrating Disability Pride. According to the Disability Community Resource Center, Disability Pride is defined “as accepting and honoring each person's uniqueness and seeing it as a natural and beautiful part of human diversity.” Disability Pride is an integral part of movement building and a direct challenge of systemic ableism and stigmatizing definitions of disability. I believe we need to bring Disability Pride more into the dating scene as a way of beginning to eradicate sexual ableism. As a reminder, sexual ableism is discrimination against people with disabilities in intimacy and relationships, suggesting the very presence of a disability implies inferiority. Check out episode 2 which is all about sexual ableism.So What Does It Mean To Have Disability Pride When Dating?Again, according to the Disability Community Resource Center “the disability pride movement wants to present people with disabilities as people living their lives in plain view proud of their identity as being disabled…Pride comes from celebrating our heritage, disability culture, the unique experiences that we have as people with disabilities, and the contributions that we can give to society.”This means we get out there and date. We put ourselves out there if we have the desire for meaningful relationships in our lives, or even if we just want to have fun and have good sex. Yes, I did just say that.I think a big - and scary - part of bringing Disability Pride to dating is knowing some people will reject us and STILL going for what we want. Our dreams and desires are not dependent on everyone seeing your value. It's their loss if they do. You need to just attract the right people who will see your value and beauty.Where Do We Go From Here? Much of the core of my work in helping people to dating is about mindset, what you believe about yourself, and the ability to feel confident in the face of adversity. And I understand that all takes time. That's why I show up every week in your earbuds, giving up a regular dose of encouragement and support for doing the very hard thing of dating with a disability. I have a selection of resources this week to help you in building your confidence.Resources Affirmations for Living Confidently with a Disability has statements to encourage you with general confidence.Mindset Beliefs for Successful Dating helps you in creating beliefs about yourself and your disability that build confidence.And Boldly Communicate helps you to develop ways to talk confidently with dates about yourself and your disability.Radiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast and share the podcast with a friend.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

Every week when a new podcast is released, I send an email to people on my subscriber list with a little description of the podcast, along with the link to the free resource of the week. I'm not telling you that to get you on my email list, although of course, there's a link in the show notes if that's something that peaks your interest.I'm telling you this because last week the subject of the email was “What's Wrong With You?” to go along with the episode title. I had one person answer the email by saying, “my looks and disability.” While I have compassion for this person because I once believed that about myself, I told the reader that the fact that he believes that his looks and disability are what's wrong with him IS THE PROBLEM.If you're listening to this around the time it airs, it is the lovely summer month, in the Northern hemisphere, of July. July is also Disability Pride month. I always like to acknowledge Disability Pride month because I believe we don't have enough of it in our society. What We Believe About Ourselves is What People SeeLet me ask you this. If you are believing that your looks or disability is the problem. If you're believing you can't attract someone to you because of your looks or the fact that you use a wheelchair, how is a potential date going to see beyond what you believe about yourself?Whatever we believe about ourselves, either positive or negative, is what others see. If you're believing that your looks are lacking, that no one will date you because of your disability, or even wondering why the hell should you be proud of your disability, others are going to pick right up on that and say “Nah-ah.”Building Better BeliefsI often find this is the hardest part for people I work with to grasp.Living with a disability of any kind can certainly make dating and relationships challenging, but TOTALLY POSSIBLE."Every belief has a consequence. Your beliefs either heal you or harm you. They either support your aspirations or thwart them. Beliefs become the source of your limitation or liberation." -Marie Forleo, Everything Is FigureoutableBELIEF MINDSET #1: WHAT YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOURSELFExample: I am a kind and loving person who deserves to be treated well.BELIEF MINDSET #2: WHAT YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOUR DISABILITYExample: Living with a disability make me very interesting as a person.BELIEF MINDSET #3: YOUR POWER TO ATTRACTExample: I attract people to me with my kind heart and warm personality.BELIEF MINDSET #4: WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP YOU DESERVEExample: I deserve to be in a healthy and happy relationship.BELIEF MINDSET #5: WHAT KIND OF PARTNER YOU WANTExample: I deserve to be with someone I am excited to be with.Where Do We Go From Here? Download the MINDSET SUCCESS GUIDE FOR DATING, RELATIONSHIPS, AND DISABILITY. This guide tells you the five main areas to create beliefs around, specifically for creating a success mindset for dating and relationship building when you live with a disability. If you want to stay connected and get the weekly emails and resources I share on my email list, sign up at RadiantAbilities.com and you'll get Affirmations for Dating Successfully with a Disability.Radiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review.

“What's wrong with you?” Don't you love that question. I have been asked this before, several times. It amazes me that I actually don't recall a date ever asking me this one. For you who have been asked this on a date, or anywhere else in your life, I have the Perfect Answer.First, let me just say…I can certainly understand a five-year old asking this of someone living with a disability. I always use it as a teachable moment with kids and begin by saying, “I walk and talk differently (inserting a more inclusive word than funny or weird) because I have cerebral palsy.” Depending on their age, they may be satisfied with that or if they have a heightened sense of curiosity, it may lead to a discussion about what cerebral palsy is. Either way, it's all good.Manners 101It's when adults ask me this, is when I have difficulty. We won't even discuss here about the need to back to Sensitivity and Manners 101. Let's talk about the myth people are perpetuating when they ask this question.“What's wrong with you?” implies that there's an inherent flaw that needs to be corrected in someone. At the time this podcast is going live, it's July, Disability Pride month. Throughout July, we're going to be talking about bringing Disability Pride into dating and relationships.Obviously, the question implying there's something wrong with you does nothing to foster disability pride.  A disability is just a facet of who we are, among all our other attributes. When people use the word wrong and we all know they mean our disability, they are implying it is bad, faulty, mistaken, out of line, rotten, etc. to live with a disability, rather than what's perfect and natural about you.Empowerment Moment, Not Teachable If a date or a potential date should ask you this question, I certainly understand you wanting to give them a piece of your mind, especially if they use a certain tone in asking the question. As I always say, you ultimately need to respond in a way that suits you.I would recommend that you take this opportunity as a moment for empowerment for yourself. Forget teachable moments. If an adult is asking you what's wrong with you, they need way more teaching than you have time.Use this moment to let them know there's not a thing “wrong” with you, that your disability is another aspect of yourself that makes you so damn interesting and why they should get to know you.Where Do We Go From Here? The dating scene is filled with opportunities for showing Disability Pride. Think about how you want to talk about your disability ahead of time. Come up with how you're going to answer questions about your disability, even insensitive ones. See them as opportunities to empower yourself in the dating scene, rather than doubt yourself or what you bring to relationships.Download the resource for this podcast, How to Write a Kick Butt Dating Profile. It is by far my most popular resource guide. Even if you're not doing online dating, it will give you some great tips for communicating about your disability with dates.Resources Free download - How to Write a Kick Butt Dating ProfileRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast and share the podcast with a friend.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

Let's begin with a question, keeping in mind this is a podcast on dating and relationships.Are you choosing your dreams, rather than buying into sexual ableism?  This can be a particularly good question to ask yourself this if you're not having success in dating with a disability.You may not like that question and even be a little offended by it.But sometimes those harder questions and more specifically, the answers to them, point us in the direction we want to be heading in.I spent most of my single years believing that living with cerebral palsy presented a huge obstacle to falling in love and finding a life partner. You might be feeling the same way. You may think your disability makes you less attractive, less valuable as a partner.What Sexual Ableism IsSexual ableism is a system of beliefs that discriminate against people with disabilities in dating, intimacy, and relationships, suggesting the very presence of disability implies inferiority (adapted from AccessLiving.org). Episode 2 is all about sexual ableism.Sexual ableism is discrimination, belittling, judgments, archaic thinking. It's just as real as racism, xenoism, and sexism is. It has to be acknowledged. But we don't need to place this prejudicial thinking before our dreams. Why give more power to what can hurt you over what you want most?Make the decision that was what you want most, to share my life with someone, is WAY MORE IMPORTANT than backwards beliefs.Dare to DreamI'm reading a fabulous book, Shining the Light: Creating Pathways to Equity, Safety, Healing, and Justice With People with Disabilities by Shirley Paceley, a longtime disability advocate. I'll be having Shirley on the show in the near future  to discuss her book. In Shining the Light, Shirley talks about how vital it is for all people to have dreams as part of a meaningful life. She writes, “Dreams give our life meaning and for some people, it is a dream that allows them to get up every morning and say, ‘I can do this one more day.”Where Do We Go From Here? Love is love. Although this is typically associated with the LGBTQ+ community, those of us living with disabilities can certainly borrow it to help rise above sexual ableism. At the end of the day, we all want to be loved, desired, and valued. This begins with changing what you put your focus on, where you invest your mental energy.Choose your dreams over the negativity of sexual ableism. Believe in yourself. Believe in worthy of love. Believe that your disability is a vehicle for love, not a deterrent.Ask yourself this instead:“What am I going to do with your wild and precious life?”  Mary OliverResources Free download - Rising Above Sexual Ableism Shining the Light: Creating Pathways to Equity, Safety, Healing, and Justice With People with Disabilities by Shirley PaceleyRadiant Abilities Dating Resource

Unified Diversity, seems a contradictory term, doesn't it?It's a topic I believe we pay too little attention to in the Disabled community – our solitary with other diverse populations, as well with one another. As someone who has always been and will always be a “minority,” I feel such an affinity with others who are lumped in this ever-growing category.I, as a white, heterosexual woman, feel a particular kinship to the LBGTQ+ community. First and foremost because so many treasured friends of mine belong to this diverse and dynamic group.But my affinity runs deeper than friendship…It's about owning, claiming, and celebrating a natural part of your being that is still often viewed by the majority as unnatural and even worse, “not right.” While I can't try to proclaim that I understand the struggles that still exist today for people who are “coming out,” I do certainly understand how it feels to encounter the fear of difference.  I believe as a society we have come a long way in the last few decades in that regard. As I have watched the progression of the Pride movement into increased acceptance and value for the diverse ways people live and love, I can't help but think there are so many lessons for the Disabled community to learn from. At the core of Pride movement, I see people valuing how they're different for the “majority” and taking pride in their diversity, which has endured a history of shame, denigration, and abuse. Sound familiar?It can feel so isolating at times to learn to take pride in the very thing that brings so much adversity in your life, whether it be using a wheelchair, loving someone of the same sex, identifying with another gender, or being a different race. Pride, for me on my heterosexual, heteronormative, Disabled lens, is really about celebrating who you are in the face of harsh judgments and bullying fear.We all struggle to be celebrated in a world that may not accept us. Let's begin by accepting one another within that realm of difference and learning from one another to accept ALL differences.Let's all “come out” as a way of teaching the world that diversity expands and strengthens the global good. This is why we need Unified Diversity and not categories of differences. Let's not only embrace one another's struggles, but learn from them as a means of easing our own personal journeys.You may be asking, “Okay, I get all this, but how does Pride fit into dating with a disability?”These three simple, yet profound lessons from the Pride movement can really be effective in countering sexual ableism in the dating scene:Come out and claim, own, and celebrate your disability as a natural part of your being in the face of others seeing it as unnatural and even worse, “not right.” Celebrate who you are in the face of harsh judgments and bullying fear and live your life. If you want a relationship, go after it with all you got. Don't let the narrow mindedness of others limit your dreams.Unifiy with others, not just from the Disabled community, but all marginalized communities to learn how others have worked through barriers to finding love and happiness.Resources Free download - Rising above Sexual Ableism Radiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast and share the podcast with a friend.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

My husband and I recently celebrated the 15th anniversary of our first date. To me, 15 years feels like a milestone. It also got me thinking about first dates and initially meeting people. It can be very tenuous, especially when you live with a disability. People judge you, have perceptions of you that are frequently wrong, and may just dismiss you all together. And this can happen whether or not other people have disabilities themselves because we all process disabilities in very individual ways.In addition to judging you, people can also be uncomfortable with the presence of your disability. That was certainly the case with the first date I had with my husband. Check out episode 1, I'm So Uncomfortable, for those details.What I want to talk about today is the concept of holding space for discomfort on dates. I think this is so important because I am sure if I didn't hold the space for my husband's discomfort on our awkward first date, I would have never heard from him.Difference Between Discomfort and Ableism Before I talk about holding the space for discomfort, I want to distinguish discomfort from ableism. While discomfort can certainly come from ableism, I define discomfort more with what someone is feeling inside and how they're reacting to a person or situation. Ableism, on the other hand, is projecting discomfort to make the experience of being disabled wrong or inferior.What Does Holding Space MeanHolding space is typically a counseling term. It can also be a term used in yoga. I actually found a great definition for it at yogapedia.com. “When you hold space for someone, you are doing something very beautiful. You are allowing them the chance to feel safe and supported in being exactly what they are and allowing whatever comes, to simply happen. You are protecting their ability to exist and to experience their reality, without judging them or attempting to alter this reality in any way.”Now I want to be clear, it is certainly not our job - ever - to take care of others and help them feel safe and supported adjusting to our disabilities. I have always felt that when you're an adult, that's their responsibility.Tips for Holding Space I want to just share some tips for holding space for someone's discomfort with you and your disability.First of all, it's not about you! It's so important that you remember this. You having a disability is never, ever the problem. People thinking that way is the problem. So just continually remind yourself of that when confronted with discomfort about your disability.Where Do We Go From Here? While I'm a firm believer that disabilities are natural and the world just needs to adjust to that fact, I find it helps me to expect that people will be uncomfortable from time to time with interacting with me. It has nothing to do with me. It's their story, their process, their feelings. I'm simply a trigger for that.Be who you are. I know, way easier to say, than do. But really, when you focus on accepting yourself as who you are, trusting that who you are is exactly who you need to be, and owning that, the discomfort of others has so much less of an impact on you.Resources Free download - Boldly CommunicateRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate 

Today I interview Ellen Merker, a Licensed Professional Counselor, who own Heart Consulting in Madison, WI. Heart Consulting works with people with developmental disabilities, physical disabilities, and mental illness; of all genders and gender identities, sexual orientations, race, socioeconomic status, religions, cultures, and ethnicity.  Heart Consulting believes in empowering people with disabilities to live full lives with meaningful relationships, and works to do this through educating about safe and healthy relationships, as well as provide support and advocacy to individuals.  Ellen  started Heart Consulting LLC in 2017, after seeing the need for more resources around sexual assault and domestic violence in the disability community. Ellen received her MS in Rehabilitation Psychology from UW-Madison in 2012, and has worked in various roles with neurodivergent individuals for over 10 years.  Ellen's therapy focuses on individual needs and looking at the how one's environment may be impacting mental health.Resources Heart Consulting on InstagramHeart Consulting on FacebookHeart Consulting's websiteRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

Let's face it -- dating with a disability can be hard! People can struggle to accept you and what you have to offer. It can certainly affect your self esteem and confidence. This is exactly why I specialize in ways to increase self esteem and confidence when dating. The best way to counter this is through affirmations, positive statements you focus on as a way of building your confidence. Not Faking ItI want to be clear about something. Saying affirmations is about changing your beliefs. It is not about “faking it until you make it,” which unfortunately is what I used to believe.Affirmations are about pretending to be something you're not. It's about rewiring your brain your thoughts and beliefs to work with you rather than against you.Why These  Statements WorkHere are 8 affirmations to increase your confidence in dating and relationships. I'm going through each statement to explain why it works.  If you don't believe these statements right now, that's fine. Try to remove any judgment as you say them. The power of affirmations comes from reading them and saying them daily. As you do, you change your mindset to bring about the positive changes you want in your life.My disability and the experience of living with it only adds to what I have to offer.The strengths and personal qualities, such as determination and acceptance of others, you have gained from living with a disability enhance who you are and what you offer to others.I enjoy dating and meeting people.I attract people who see my disability as an asset.I have the courage to let go of negative people to make room for people who see my value.My disability adds to my value as a person.I only accept people in my life who treat me well.I deserve a fun, loving, and healthy relationship.There's someone out there who would love to be in a relationship with me.Where Do We Go From Here? “You must master a new way to think before you master a new way to be.” - Marianne WilliamsonSaying these affirmations will help you focus on a new way to be, one that is confident in your worth, disability and all.So much of dating is about your mindset and how you perceive yourself as a potential partner.Grab the download for this episode, Affirmations for Confidently Dating. It has all the affirmations I just went through. Practice saying them, mentally focus on them, have them become part of a new way to be in the dating scene.Resources Free download - Affirmations for Confidently DatingPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

During the many years I was single, the best advice I got was “You won't be for everyone.” This came as a relief and it still surprises me that it was news to me at the time. Well, of course, I'm not for everyone! Duh!But why did I focus on “everyone” needing to find me attractive?I think my experience in putting a lot of weight and focus on the concept of “everyone” is a common dating trap.Today we're going to challenge the concept of “everyone” needing to find you attractive, being comfortable with you, or even accepting you.It's a Relief to Let Go of EveryoneThe person who said this to me actually conveyed it in a very loving way and with the intention of helping me to let go of my arduous efforts to impress all potential partners. And it worked! I began to breathe more deeply and relax into who I am, rather than what I was putting out there.  In my dating years, I believed in the impossible – that all potential dating partners could work through their resistance toward my disability.  After all, I go through life, knowing that certain people in general will just have difficulty accepting my disability…and people who would have a more intimate relationship with me, would not?! Ugh, arrogance!When I received this gentle slap in the face of “You're not for everyone,” it was actually welcomed. Ahh, this meant I could focus on those who were for me and let go of my false need for the others.From Everyone to SomeoneRelaxing into this knowledge helped to foster my Power to Attract (see episode 10), meaning I could put my focus more on what I had to offer to the dating/relationship scene, than trying to draw someone to me. The Power to Attract is about focusing on our gifts and abilities. When you do this, you draw the right people to you.On some level when you live with a disability, people will always look at what you don't “have.” For better or worse, it's human nature. Our job as people with disabilities, I believe, is to be open to all the gifts and lessons we bring to the many who are open to us. If you're out there dating, knowing you're not for everyone really helps clear the way for those who are drawn to you.A Word About RejectionAnother area in dating where the word “everyone” trips us up is when we're rejected. It could be by one person or ten, but we can believe that everyone is rejecting us. When we think that everyone is rejecting us, that can certainly negatively impact our self esteem and confidence.Where Do We Go From Here? Catch yourself when you find yourself falling into the “everyone” trap. It's not true! Every single person does not believe what one or even 50 people believe.Focus on the someones that are out there that will find you attractive, will want to get to know you, and will accept you.Download the resource for this episode, The Power to Attract, to help you focus on the someones rather than everyone.Resources Free download -  The Power to AttractPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

Everyone I interview for this podcast is special, but I have to admit today's guest might be the most special. Today, we're talking my husband, Scott, about what it's like to have a partner with a disability.We also talk about: His version of our first date and  that memorable evening?We're coming up on the fifteenth anniversary of our first date. Scott talks about what he has learned in 15 years of having a partner with a disability.What are challenges he continues to experience.How he is affected by my increasing physical challenges as I get older.How he thinks society can change to be more open to seeing people with disabilities as dating and relationships partners.Advice he would give for someone with a disability in search of dating success and healthy relationships.And advice  for people without disabilities who may become partners. Where Do We Go From Here? Download the Bringing Your Disability Into Relationships guide in the show notes to help you in getting clear and feeling empowered about your disability in relationships.ResourcesFree download - Bringing Your Disability Into Relationships guidePlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

It can sometimes be harder to break up with someone than be the one that's being left. Break ups can be thoughtful and intended with love for both yourself and the other person. In this episode we're going to over what you need to consider when breaking up with someone so that it's done in a thoughtful and even loving way and not filled with drama.Check In With YourselfListen to what you're feeling and respect them. If something doesn't feel right, trust that and communicate about it. Ask yourself the following questions: “Is this how I want to be feeling with this person?”Am I happy in this relationship?Am I being treated the way I want to?Am I being spoken to the way I want to be?Is there anything I'm uncomfortable with?Do we have the same values?Are we on the same page in our relationship?Do we have support as a couple?Am I growing as a person?What else?Examine the “Health” of a RelationshipHave the courage to speak up and say if something doesn't feel right. Use “I statements” and speak from your power.Say what you need, knowing they may not be able to give it to you.The reality of any relationship is that a person may not be able to give you what you need. Like rejection, this is not necessarily a reflection of you, but more of where they are at. It's then up to you to decide on what you want to do in the relationship. Do you want to try to work through it or is it a sign that it's not the right relationship for you? The questions you should ask yourself are also great questions to ask your  partner as a way of making sure you're on the same page about your relationship and the direction it is heading.Knowing When to LeaveWhen there's any type of abuse - physical, emotional, mental. Leave at the first sign.When you're generally unhappy in the relationship.When you don't feel respected or treated well.When you are not on the same page with your partner about your relationship.Make sure you're as happy and fulfilled in a relationship as you are NOT in one.Where Do We Go From Here? It can sometimes be harder to break up with someone than be the one that's being left. Break ups can be thoughtful and intended with love for both yourself and the other person. Follow the steps we just went through if you find you're unsure if you're with the right person.Download the resource guide Having Difficult Conversations to help you.Resources Free download - Having Difficult ConversationsPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

In any podcast about dating, at some point we need to talk about rejection. It's a natural part of the dating process. Most of us endure rejection at some point. Rejection hurts and quite honestly, sucks. That said, the problem with rejection is we make it mean something negative about ourselves. What if we didn't take rejection personally? Yes, I did just suggest you don't take rejection to be about you. Hang on with me over the next few moments as I give you a different way of looking at rejection.Don't Let Rejection Stop You Many people don't date because they're afraid of rejection. While this is understandable and trust me, I did this myself while I was single, it won't ever get you the results you want. I know someone who has never fully gotten over being rejected. Her boyfriend broke up with her 25 years ago and she has never dated again because she doesn't want to experience that pain again. But what has happened is she has lived with the daily pain of being alone when she deeply wants to share her life with someone.Sometimes we have to go through intense pain in order to get the bigger result we're looking for.I want to give you two ways of looking at rejection that may be helpful in better coping with it.Preference and FeedbackRejection is simply someone Indicating a preference, meaning the other person wants someone other than you. It doesn't mean there's anything “wrong” about you. It means they want someone or something else.Maybe you can even grow from the feedback you get when someone doesn't want to date you?It may be cliche but often cliches speak the truth. Someone rejecting you really does clear the way for the right person to come into your life. Once I met my husband, I realized why no other relationship worked out - I would have never met him if they did.Where Do We Go From Here? Work on not taking rejection personally. It may feel like it's about you, but it's not. Don't let it define you and certainly don't let any no mean you can't have what you want most. See rejection as simply another person's preference and setting you on the path you need to be on.This week's resource is on Who is Your Support System because rejection can be painful to deal with. You need to reach out for support. Get love and encouragement from others in your life.Resources Free download - Who is Your Support System?Please leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

One of the most common questions people ask when wanting to date is how do I meet people. I certainly wondered about this when I was single. Most of my friends were married and by the time I was in my 30s, I really didn't want to hang out in a bar. So how do you meet people? I have some ideas. As with much of what I recommend, it involves strategies and you'll need to actually do it.FamiliarityFamiliarity sparks friendships and relationships, find activities you would like to regularly participate in. The more others see you on a frequent basis, the more they get to know you.This will increase the probability of meeting people you get to know over time and allow relationships to grow.Take a new look at the places and activities you're already involved in. Are there people in those places that can be of potential dating interest?Try New PlacesThe key is to balance familiar, regular places you go to with trying new places and events to meet people.Get outside of your comfort zone. Try new places, events, and activities. You never know what will come of it.Online DatingOnline dating is not for everyone, but can be a great way to meet people.Do what feels right for you. Always make safe decisions in getting to know someone and before you meet them in person.If you decide to try online dating, what are 1 - 3 sites you can look into and possibly join. It may be good to stay with a site at last three months before switching.Putting thought, time, and energy into these details to reflect who you are will likely increase the chances for success,The Dating ProfileI have talked about doing a dating profile before in Episode 12. A dating profile is a brief description of who you are and what you're looking for in a relationship. Most dating sites and apps have a section for this.Even if you're not doing online dating, you should have a dating profile.It's a great opportunity to talk about yourself. Feel clear about what you have to offer someone and what kind of person you're looking to be with. Get down all your info, personal aspects you want to share, interests, and hobbies.See where you can share about your disability in a way that feels right for you.Here's some potential things you can include in a dating profile:What do you want people to know about you?What are you looking for in a relationship?What kind of person do you want to date?Many people think of a dating profile as being for potential dates to read and decide if they want to get to know you. While that is true, the dating profile gives you great clarity on your strengths and what you're looking for in dating and relationships. Writing a profile helps you get clear on the strengths and assets you bring to dating and relationships.Where Do We Go From Here? Make two short lists. The first one list 5-10 things you're involved in (committees, the gym, volunteer activities, etc).The second list - three NEW activities you can partake in, either in person or virtually.Then actually engage in these activities.Resources Free downloads - How to Meet People and The Dating Profile guidesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

I recently heard the wisdom of “Attract, Don't Chase” while listening to a business podcast. They were naturally talking about business opportunities but I think that is real sage advice for dating and relationships. Today's episode will be short but very effective if you begin to practice it.Chasing Does Not AttractThis is on a very small level, but for those of you on social media, have you encountered someone who sees you like their post or comment, reaches out to you to try to connect, and you sense they have an agenda? That's chasing and for me, there's always feels like there's a desperate energy to it. It doesn't draw you, ie, attract you to the other person.I understand people are lonely and really want to connect but I believe that ultimately you connect more with people by pulling your energy inward to what you want in a relationship and what kind of person you want to be with.The Power to Attract Check out Episode 10 on How to Cultivate the Power to Attract. Focusing on what you draw to you, rather than pursuing someone, or maybe even trying to put your agenda on them, helps you to stay with yourself and your sense of confidence and power. When we are in attract mode, that tends to naturally increase our self esteem and confidence because we're placing our energy on what we have to offer, rather than getting something. Think about how you have felt chasing someone or something. Yes, there can be a bit of a thrill in the challenge but it can also not feel encouraging or self affirming.How to Put Attracting Into Practice I want you to begin practicing attracting by noticing where you're chasing in dating and relationships. Then ask yourself why are you chasing that particular person. What are you hoping to get from them? A certain feeling? Validation of some kind? Maybe you're looking for feelings of loneliness to go away? Be real honest with yourself. Then ask how can you focus on attracting in your life the very thing you're looking outside you for.Then work on identifying what within you, what qualities within you, can draw the very thing you desire.Where Do We Go From Here? Download the Relationship Vision guide in the show notes. It's a very powerful exercise in helping you identify what you want to attract into your life and helping you to focus on that. The guide has you think about all the qualities in someone else that you want to attract into your life. You get them all down and then, this is where the magic happens, you begin saying the list you created every day until it's ingrained into your thinking. Once this happens, you go automatically into attract mode versus chasing. I can tell you from personal experience, this exercise helped me to focus ultimately attracting my husband into my life.Resources Free download - The Relationship Vision  guidePlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

Today we're talking about the last strategy in our mini series on the four strategies for dating successfully with a disability. While all the strategies are critical, this is probably the most important one to do. Take action. Do something. Put yourself out there. Otherwise, how are you going to be successful dating?Over my career, both as a mental health counselor and as a teacher and trainer in dating and relationships, I have encountered countless people who so desperately want to date but do nothing. And if this is you, I have immense compassion for you, even as I'm giving you some tough love, because I was like you for so many years. I wanted more than anything to meet someone and fall in love but I was just too afraid to do anything. I wasted so many years in fear. Don't do that. What's Your Framework for Getting What You Want?Take what you learned in this miniseries and actually put it into action to create what you want in your life. If you haven't heard the who series, go back and begin listening to Episode 24. Don't just consume, apply it to your life! This is a framework for you to develop a personal plan for yourself on how will take steps to meet people, date, and develop happy relationships.How Do I Meet Someone?I'll do a separate episode on strategies for this but here's a preview. Address the classic question of “How do I meet people?” Familiarity sparks friendships and relationships, find activities you would like to regularly participate in. The more others see you on a frequent basis, the more they get to know you. This will increase the probability of meeting people you get to know over time and allow relationships to grow.Take a look at new places. At the places and activities you're already involved in. Are there people in those places that can be of potential dating interest?The key is to balance familiar, regular places you go to with trying new places and events to meet people.Be willing to get out of your comfort zoneThink about what feels right for you, but be willing to get out of your comfort zone, try something new, and take risks that challenge you to grow and reach further toward your dreams.AffirmationsWhat are three affirmations you're going to adopt from this guide or ones that you create to help increase your dating confidence?Bold and Positive CommunicationWhat are three ways you're going to begin to boldly and positively communicate with dates about your disability? Where Do We Go From Here? Have you have included all of the above in your personal plan for dating? Then, congratulations! Fantastic work! You should feel very good about yourself for taking this workshop and doing this work. Keep you moving forward in building your confidence in yourself and taking action for dating and relationships. Download the mini guide of all four strategies in this series in the show notes to help you develop your personal plan for successful dating.Resources Free download - Strategies for Successful Dating with a DisabilityYou can also get the entire Four Strategies for Successful Dating with a Disability Workshop, along with the extensive resource guide that comes with it and takes you through applying each strategy, for just $27 at the link in the show notes.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

Today we're talking about strategy #3 in our four part series on four strategies for dating successfully with a disability. Strategy 3 is about looking at how you communicate about your disability. And I'm not just talking about disclosing your disability. Check out episode 12 for that. Today I want to discuss how do you talk about your disability in general. Is it positive? Affirming? How do you feel when you talk about your disability?This is an important indicator for potential dates. I remember one of the first dates I went on as a young teenager was with another person with Cerebral Palsy. My biggest takeaway from that date was not liking how much he seemed to focus on what he could not do. Even before I was able to understand how we all put out a certain kind of energy, I knew I didn't want to around that energy. When I came home and my mom asked how the date was, I told her definitely that I would not be going on another date with that person.What's Your Communication Strategy?Do you have a communication strategy for talking about your disability? It's important to have one. Here's mine. Sometimes I'll have people ask me what's wrong with me. I always reframe this right away because there's not a thing wrong with me. Well, my husband and son my disagree with me on that, but you know what I mean. The fact that my physical body has Cerebral Palsy does not indicate anything wrong. It's merely a condition of my body. Me reframing that for people is a communication strategy of mine.I always recommend talking about your disability in the most natural way. Brainstorm some conversation topics about your life and what interests you. These topics will come in handy as you have initial conversations with potential dates and while on initial dates. Some topics can include family, friends, hobbies, work, and recreational interests. Think about how you can include your disability in a natural way into the conversation.Putting It Into PracticeAn example is past stories of how your family and friends support you as a person with a disability. Are there perhaps funny stories of how people in you life figured out how to make an impromptu accommodation for you or advocated for you? It's important that you share what you're comfortable with.Develop your own strategy for figuring out when it feels right for you to talk on the phone and/or meet in person. How do you want someone to have the "full effect" of you?If, after a couple of exchanges, someone doesn't bring up your disability, begin to talk about it. Don't ignore the elephant in the room.Where Do We Go From Here? Brainstorm positive ways you can bring your disability into the conversation. It can be as simple as "So how are you doing with my disability?" or "What do you want to know about it?”If they don't know what to ask, offer some background information.Download the Free download - Communicate Boldly and Positively About Your Disability guide in the show notes.Resources Free download - Communicate Boldly and Positively About Your DisabilityYou can also get the entire Four Strategies for Successful Dating with a Disability Workshop, along with the extensive resource guide that comes with it and takes you through applying each strategy, for just $27 at the link in the show notes.CreditsMusic by:

We're back for strategy #2 in our mini series on the Four Strategies to Dating Successfully with a Disability.  How do you describe yourself to potential dates? Do you sound like someone a person would like to get to know?  Are you thinking “Ummm….I'm not sure?”  Well, then we need to talk about that because how you describe yourself is SOOOO important.My friend, it actually begins with the dating profile. Now, I already did a show on the dating profile in episode #12. Go back and listen to it again. It's a short one. Many people think of a dating profile as being for potential dates to read and decide if they want to get to know you. While that is true, the dating profile gives you great clarity on your strengths and what you're looking for in dating and relationships. Writing a profile helps YOU get clear on the strengths and assets you bring to dating and relationships.Practice Do the work! You may dread writing a dating profile. Do it anyway. Take time to really think about how you present yourself. This is not about pretending to be someone you're not. It's about pulling out ALL THAT YOU ARE and showing potential dates (as well as yourself) that.This week the free resource that goes with the show is called How to Write a Kick Butt Dating Profile. The “kick butt” part of it is that if you follow the guide, you'll write a positive, true reflection of who you are. By writing this, you'll feel more confident in presenting yourself to dates.There are many questions in the Kick Butt Dating Guide. Really take time to marinate on how you answer these questions.The Result The result of looking at how you describe yourself is that you will feel more clear and confident about how you're describing yourself to others. This will naturally increase your confidence level for dating and relationships. So much of the work involved in being successful in dating and relationships is about how you view yourself and how you project that into the world. It helps so much to be conscious of the language you use to describe yourself.Where Do We Go From Here? I have homework for you. If you're listening to this podcast, you probably want to make changes in your life via more successful dating and attracting healthy, happy relationships.I said it earlier. You got to do the internal work that turns you into the partner you want to be that draws that amazing love into your life.If you don't have it, download The Dating Profile guide in the show notes and actually do it! Go through the prompts to help you in either writing or rewriting your dating profile.When you're done, notice how you feel differently about how you describe yourself.Resources Free download - How to Write a Kick Butt Dating Profile and Disclose Your DisabilityYou can also get the entire Four Strategies to Dating with a Disability Workshop, along with the extensive resource guide that comes with it and takes you through applying each strategy, for just $27 at the link in the show notes.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

We're beginning a mini-series over the next few weeks, based on my workshop, Four Strategies to Dating Successfully with a Disability. Each week I'll give you bit size tips for how to tackle each strategy. The strategies are:Increasing “dating confidence”Writing a kick butt dating profile - even if you're not doing online datingCommunicating effectively with a date about your disabilityDeveloping a personal plan for how to TAKE THE RIGHT ACTION for dating successThese strategies will help you with these results:Building self esteem specific to datingCreating clarity and empowermentCommunicating with confidenceTaking consistent action toward what you wantThe Key to Making it Work You actually need to do each of the four strategies, even if you're scared! Look I know dating with a disability is tough. I spent much of my single life avoiding it because I didn't want to deal with the pain. And if I'm really honest, I thought I wouldn't be able to to handle the pain. But guess what? I was and so are you because if we stop resisting the pain and open up to it, we learn the pain will not destroy us but strengthen us.So make a promise to yourself, right here, right now, to do each of these strategies and trust yourself that you can handle whatever feelings come up for you. Every episode in this mini series will have a guide that corresponds with each strategy. Download the guides and use them.Strategy 1 - Positive Beliefs About YourselfDeveloping healthy, positive core beliefs about yourself builds a solid foundation that leads to successful dating and relationships.A core belief is a thought you have about yourself that shapes most of your words, actions, thoughts, and feelings.Positive core beliefs results in increased confidence, healthier relationships, and more general success. I am beginning here because people who feel good about themselves are much more prone to dating success and healthy relationships.When we think well of ourselves, we tend to draw others who will do the same.Whatever we believe (positive or negative) strengthens. For example, if you believe you're “undateable,” that will be most likely what you experience - not dating and/or having relationships that are not fulfilling or happy.And on the other hand, if you have positive beliefs, you will draw that into your life.I am a person of great worth.My disability adds to my value as a person.I have much to offer someone and bring to a relationship.Where Do We Go From Here? Download the free resourceDo this - pick 3 statements from the download or come up with three positive statements about yourself and notice the changes in what you feel and think about in the next 30 days. Yes, say them to yourself for 30 days.You can also get the entire Four Steps to Successful Dating with a Disability Workshop, along with the extensive resource guide that comes with it and takes you through applying each strategy, for just $27.Resources Free download - 10 Statements to Boost Your Dating Confidence Four Steps to Successful  Dating with a Disability WorkshopPlease leave us a review to let us know what you think about the podcast and so others can learn about the podcast.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

Bryony Grealish is a food influencer, speaker, trainer, No Thumbs Chef Challenge show host, and is the owner of The Fingerless Kitchen, LLC. A Syracuse native, Brie is a wife and mom to two vibrant, sweet boys. She was born with a rare genetic condition called Ectrodactyly. Bryony uses her disability as a tool for change, showing the world that you don't need thumbs to cook. The Fingerless Kitchen is changing perspectives and beliefs on what you thought was possible!The goal is to inspire people with disabilities to learn how to cook. Bryony is taking her passion for cooking and creative problem solving to the screen. She wants to show everyone that our limitations are opportunities to do something different and unique, encouraging people with disabilities to find courage in their kitchens and turn their skills and dreams into a business.Brie is a WISE Women's Business Center board member in Syracuse, NY. In addition, she has been featured in an impressive array of local publications and shows. Including a television interview with WCNY Move to Include Initiative, a Cover story for the Syracuse Women Magazine, Syracuse's Bridge Street morning talk show, CBS News 5, Street Talk on 93Q, and more.Brie and I discuss:Her work in the disability fieldHer personal experience in the area of dating, relationships, and disabilitiesHow she and her husband brought her disability into a relationship so that it has a healthy presence in a relationshipSome issues that emerged in parenting as a result of her disabilityThe particular challenges for people with disabilities in dating and relationshipsHow society can change to be more open to seeing people with disabilities as dating and relationships partnersAdvice for someone with a disability in search of dating success and healthy relationshipsResourcesBryony's website The Fingerless KitchenBryony's awesome Instagram feedCreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

I recently was working with someone on his mindset around dating. He was saying how he had difficulty seeing what he had to offer in a relationship, although he would desperately like to have one. He went on to talk about how he doesn't have a job, how he doesn't drive, how he hasn't dated in a long time, and the list went on.When he got done, I asked “How much time do you spend thinking about what you DO have to offer?” He opened his mouth to say something and then laughed. “I never thought about it that way,” he admitted.Today we're going to talk about managing your mind for better outcomes for dating.Where's Your Focus?If you want to date but your thoughts are filled with what's “wrong” with you, you won't get far. We often think our feelings cause our thoughts when in reality, the opposite is true. Our thoughts cause our feelings.So if we're thinking about all our flaws and what we lack, we're not going to feel too good about ourselves. We're certainly not going to feel like we're “date worthy” material.We tend to set ourselves up for failure by what we think.How to Manage Your Mind The most effective way to produce more desired results in your life is learn how to manage your mind. Here's what I mean by that - first, you become aware of your thoughts and then begin catching yourself when you have a negative thought. You then redirect your focus to a thought that is going to better serve you.How this looks in action is you may have a thought that you don't work and therefore, you don't have a lot to offer in terms of finances. You realize this thought doesn't make you feel good and you ask yourself, what can I offer? Maybe it's a friendly personality, maybe you're a great cook, or really know how to treat someone well. You then redirect your mind, almost like it's a little kid, to focus on those thoughts in place of the negative ones.This is how we manage our thoughts, aka, our minds. This is the most effective strategy I used to find dating and relationship success in my life.Where Do We Go From Here? Where is your attention when it comes to dating and relationships? Are your thoughts blocking your success or creating it? Are you managing your thoughts to love on yourself or tear yourself down?Your mind is the most powerful tool you own. Use it to put your focus and mental energy on what will increase your self esteem and confidence in dating.Download the free resource in the show notes, 10 Affirmations for Dating Confidently with a Disability. The download not only gives you the affirmations, but tells you why they work. It will help retrain your mind to focus on the positive, rather than the negative.ResourcesFree download 10 Statements to Boost Your Confidence for Dating with a DisabilityBe sure to leave us a review and tell us what you think.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

Today, I'm interviewing Katherine McLaughlin, CEO and Lead Trainer of Elevatus Training.Katherine is certified as a sexuality educator by AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) and is the Founder of Disability Workshops, now Elevatus Training. She is the author of Sexuality Education for People with Developmental Disabilities Curriculum and also develops educational materials for others to use in teaching and communicating.As national leaders in the field of sexuality and intellectual, developmental disabilities and autism we offer evidence and trauma informed curriculum, online training, in-services and workshops to help professionals, educators, self-advocates and parents skillfully and confidently navigate the topic of sexuality.In today's conversation, we discuss:How her work in sexuality education for people with disabilities has evolved over the yearsAdvocating for legislation for sexuality education for people with disabilitiesThe curriculum Elevatus Training uses for sexuality education for people with disabilitiesThe challenges of people with disabilities in datingThe continuing beliefs and attitudes in society that lead to misperceptions about sexuality and people with disabilities Katherine's own journey with her disability as a wife and mother Advice Katherine has for people with disabilities in dating and relationshipsResourcesElevatus TrainingBe sure to leave us a review and tell us what you think.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate

Success in dating and relationships require support from people outside the relationship. This can be particularly true for people with disabilities. Because, let's face it, dating in general is hard and dating with a disability can often be much harder, but very possible.  We just need support along the way. Today we'll discuss how to identify support and effectively use it.Why Having a Support System is So HelpfulIf you're single, you need people to encourage you, listen to you, give you advice. If you're in a relationship, a mutual desire to nurture friendships, both as a couple and individually, is good for the overall health of a relationship. “It takes a village to raise a healthy relationship.” We need feedback and experiences with others to grow a relationship.  As you grow support as a couple, this nurtures your relationship.How to Identify Supports Find support - go to trusted friends, family members, or even professionals to help you recognize all the positives within you.It is important for you to begin to recognize the positive qualities within yourself and working with a mental health professional can be effective in learning this.Use these people to talk about what you're feeling, questions you have, and challenges you're facing.Turn to people you trust for support, not so they tell you what to do or shape your opinions, but they give you good, honest, loving feedback. Where Do We Go From Here? Teamwork and problem-solving - a good relationship is not about having few problems, but how well we can work through the problems that naturally arise and how well we reach out for support.Sometimes as a single person or a couple, you may need help from others.Who is your support system for dating and relationships?ResourcesFree download - Who's Your Support System guide Be sure to leave us a review and tell us what you think.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by Elevate