Sexvangelicals

This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering ten of the most common questions they hear from clients, exvangelicals, and the larger cultural zeitgeist.   One of the most common questions is "What if I want to have sex with other people?"   In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah are joined by Becs Waite and Jimmy Bridges from the  practice This Space Between to talk about factors, considerations, and first steps for those interested in opening up their relationship.    Join Julia, Jeremiah, Becs, and Jimmy for a rich, thought-provoking conversation about: The numerous options for opening up a relationship. Tolerance for the emotions that come up while opening up a relationship. Dismantling the myths of consensual non-monogamy. Being realistic about resources Parenting and other logistics Check out S9E07: Ask a Sex Therapist: What if I Want to Have Sex with Other People? With Becs Waite and Jimmy Bridges of This Space Between on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   For more information about This Space Between, visit https://www.thisspacebetween.com

This spring, we are answering ten of the most common questions that we hear as sex therapists.    This week, we're exploring the question, "What do I need to consider when I have sex for the first time?"   We created six different scenarios that a person might have for the first time: A general first time sexual experience, and considering what you disclose (and don't disclose) ahead of time. Oral sex and stimulating another person's clitoris or penis A same-sex sexual experience. Anal sex. A sexual experience that involves vaginal penetration Group sex. And we've invited the amazing Erica Smith to help us process these six scenarios. Erica is the founder of Purity Culture Droput. Learn more about Erica at ericasmitheac.com

This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering the ten most common questions that we receive as sex therapists. In this episode, they explore the question, "How do I have my first orgasm?"    If you haven't had an orgasm before and you want to have orgasms, messages about "just taking it off the pedestal" and focusing on other areas of pleasure can be really minimizing and dismissive, even if, in the long run, they are helpful.   J+J are joined by the amazing Erica Smith, sex educator and founder of Purity Culture Dropout. Join Julia, Jeremiah, and Erica for an hour long conversation about: Understanding the anatomy and physiology of genitals The power of the clitoris The importance of going slowly Masturbation Actively exploring your sexual fantasies Learn more about Erica's work at ericasmitheac.com. Registration for her summer 2025 Purity Culture Dropout cohort begins soon.    And learn more about Julia and Jeremiah's relationship coaching business. If you and your relationships have been negatively impacted by Purity Culture, schedule a free 30 minute consultation with them to learn more about how relationship coaching can bring healing and health to your relationship.   

This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering ten of the most common questions they hear from clients, exvangelicals, and the larger cultural zeitgeist.   One of the most common questions is "What happens if sex hurts?"   In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah are joined by Dr. Camden Morgante (@drcamden on Instagram), author of the new book Recovering from Purity Culture. They reflect on how to address and reduce the physical and emotional pain that a repressive situation or larger culture, such as Purity Culture, might bring to a sexual experience.    Join them for a practical, empathetic conversation about:  Purity Culture and cumulative trauma. The normalization of pain in religious and non-religious settings. How physical therapy can help mitigate the pain of vulvodynia and vaginismus. Divorcing the notion of work from pain Sitting with grief. Tune in to our Substack, Relationship 101 (sexvangelicals.substack.com) over the next few weeks for more info about working with sexual pain.

This spring, Julia and Jeremiah are answering ten of the most common questions they hear from clients, exvangelicals, and the larger cultural zeitgeist.   One of the most common questions is "Does planning sex kill the vibe?"   In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah talk about the distinctions between planned and spontaneous sex. While many of us desire spontaneous sex, the reality is that, for many of us, sex is more planned than we might realize. And that's fantastic!   Join Julia and Jeremiah for a hilarious, thought-provoking, and enriching conversation about:  Vibes Sexual growth and sexual desire beliefs How our perceptions of sexuality change when we talk about it more Ways that we more intentionally plan sex Practicing spontaneity within the structures that we establish around sex  

This spring, we're answering the most common questions that we receive about s*xuality. A lot of questions revolve around our genitals. How are they supposed to look? How are they supposed to function? What happens if they don't function the way that they're "supposed to function"?   In this episode, we challenge three assumptions about our genitals. Your worth as a human being is defined by how your genitals look or function. The thing that lets us know we've had a successful s*xual experience is orgasm. The best way to orgasm is through vaginally penetrative s*x, which typically only leads to male orgasm. These assumptions generate the orgasm gap, the fact that men orgasm way more than women do. We close the episode by talking about 15 ways that a couple might connect that leads to both partners orgasming.  

Deconstruction is the process of re-evaluating the worldview and behavioral expectations of a specific community.    Talking openly about sexual experiences that exist outside of purity culture dictates is one of the fastest ways that a couple from a high control religious context may begin deconstructing.   Season 9 of Sexvangelicals explores ten of the most commonly asked questions that we receive as sex therapists. And it starts with perhaps the most stress-inducing question of all:   Can my relationship survive deconstruction?   In this episode, we talk about: A relational health assessment that explores how you and your partner talk about sexuality. Five themes that point to the health of your sexual relationship, as well as areas that might need some attention. Three strategies for finding a sex therapist.

We are thrilled to re-release part two of our conversation with NPR National Correspondent Sarah McCammon. Sarah is the author of the book The Exvangelicals: Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church.    In the age of a second Trump presidency, it's imperative that we discuss the history of the Evangelical Church and politics, purity culture, gender performance, and healing.   In part two of our re-release we discuss how there are a lot of memoirs, social media comments, and dialogue about leaving the evangelical church. However, as Sarah says, "you can't really understand the leaving without understanding loving and living the evangelical church."  

Last March, we had the opportunity of interviewing NPR national correspondent Sarah McCammon discussing the strategy and implementation of rigid conservative values in her book The Exvangelicals: Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church. We are re-releasing both our conversations with Sarah in honor of the paperback release on February 18th. In this episode, we discuss the relationship between Trump and Evangelicals, the rise of religious NONES, why folks stay in EMPish (Evangelical, Mormon, Pentecostal) spaces, and grief around those who leave. Check out our advertisement for our new relationship coaching business, Let's Heal Together!

 Letting the dust settle allows us to step out of the reactionary space and evaluate our own lives and relationships.    In our final episode of the series "How to Practice Social Justice Without Being a Jackass", Julia and Jeremiah talk about how to make decisions based on values that are important to you and your family system. A proactive process, rather than reactive process, also makes it easier to make relationships with people who align with your values. Check out our conversations about: PACT: The Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy Discovering your values Relationship anarchy Creating a shared purpose and vision statement Partnering with people who have a shared vision, but perhaps different lanes Check out Episode #86: Letting the Dust Settle: Finding Your Values and People on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the Sexvangelicals website.  

We close our series on How to Practice Social Justice This Election Season with a two-part episode called "Letting the Dust Settle".   We now know the outcome of the election. For many folks, there's an enormous amount of fear, anxiety, and dread about the behavior and decisions of the incoming administration. There's also a tendency, especially on social media, to respond to every negative step that the Trump administration makes.   In these two episodes, we distinguish between a reactive sense of urgency and a grounded sense of urgency.   And, the most important characteristic of a grounded sense of urgency is taking the space that you need to grieve in a way that's most fitting for you.   In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah talk about: Our experiences with grief this month in our own lives, and the lives of our clients. The intersection of grief and the moral incongruence of Evangelical Christians. Fear as a key emotion. Family estrangement. Pacing yourself. Check out Episode #85: Letting the Dust Settle: Grieving Following the Election wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the SV website.   Let's heal together!

We've tried to hold two seemingly oppositional positions during our podcast series "How to Practice Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass".   1) We do not support fascism, most notably showcased by the 2024 Republican Party.   2) We support having relationships with people who think differently (and may vote differently) than we do.   To help us navigate this, we invited Sarah and Nippy from the A Little Bit Culty (@alittlebitculty) Podcast to join us. They talk with us about the parallels between leaving NXIVM and leaving the Evangelical Church/Republican Party. And they also talk about ways that Progressive folks can effectively dialogue with folks leaving harmful organizations. We also talk about ways that Progressive folks can get in their own way.  Check out our conversations about: The practice of moral superiority The dangers of proselytizing Creating change The binary and the absence of nuance How nuance can lead to more informed decisions Focusing on building solutions rather than just tearing things down Listen to Episode #84: How to Have Relationships with People Who Have Different Perspectives from You During the Election Season on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.  

For many Exvangelicals, there's an enormous pressure to move into spaces of advocacy for civil rights, especially two weeks before the 2024 Presidential Election. However, advocacy can easily replicate systems of criticism, moral superiority, and shaming, especially when there's un- or under-addressed fear, trauma, anger.   We're thrilled to have Sally Gary (@sallygary) and Karen Keen (keen.kr) from Centerpeace (@centerpeaceinc) to talk with us about how to navigate the tension between advocacy and healing part of our series How to Practice Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass. Centerpeace is a supportive space for LGBTQ+ folks who desire a continued relationship with the church and Christianity. We talk with Sally and Karen about: The relationship between advocacy and healing. Pushing back against the obligation to advocate. How advocacy can replicate the communication patterns from Evangelical Christianity. Strategies for groups of people to respect the differences within the group. How our primary relationships can help us navigate the tension between advocacy and healing Check out Episode #83: How to Navigate the Tension Between Advocacy and Healing, with Sally Gary and Karen Keen of Centerpeace. And please sign up for Centerpeace's Annual Conference later this week, or donate to their nonprofit. https://www.centerpeace.net   Show notes and transcript are on the SV website!

One of the biggest sources of stress this election season has been the publication of Project 2025. As we continue our series How to Do Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass, we recognize that many of the policies in Project 2025 are dehumanizing, as well as unwise.   While the content inside Project 2025 is infuriating, it's nonetheless imperative that we familiarize ourselves with it, while also taking care to communicate effectively about its dangers. To help us, we invite Andra Watkins (@andrawatkins), author of the Substack How Project 2025 Will Ruin Your Life. Andra is one of the leading experts on Project 2025, and she talks with us about: Navigating the pushback in the deconstruction process The theocracy of Project 2025 The connection between expertise and experience Dog whistles and dealing with trolls Staying grounded Check out Episode #82: How to Do Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass: The Role of Project 2025, with Andra Watkins, author of How Project 2025 Will Ruin Your Life on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

A series called "How to Practice Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass" wouldn't be complete without an episode in which we talk about the scene of many crimes of jackassdom: social media.   After all, the ways that we communicate in virtual platforms are quite different from in real life interactions. We can edit the things that we say. We lack the nonverbal context of understanding what happened before the interaction. We don't see how other people respond, which makes it easier to disconnect and dehumanize.   In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah talk about: Hiding behind avatars The physiology of online interactions Shame and virtue signaling Gotcha moments Short form vs. long-form content, and other social media to-do's. Check out Episode #81: How to Practice Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass: The Role of Social Media on Apple Podcasts.    And please give us a five star review and let us know what you enjoyed about the episode!   Show notes and transcript are on the SV website!

Healthy systems, be they families, organizations, or countries, require healthy leadership. In our work as therapists, coaches, and cultural critics, we pay attention to the following question: How does one communicate to the larger system that they are a healthy leader?   This week, we talk with Matthew Remski (@matthew_remski), co-host of the Conspirituality podcast (@conspiritualitypod) about two strategies that folks use to develop influence.   Charisma.   Vibes.   Of course, these are notoriously difficult entities to quantify. And as we talk about with Matthew, there are significant consequences to a system when it assesses success primarily through one's charisma and vibes.    A system that places high value on charisma and the construction of vibes is one that is prone to practice jackassdom. The projection of an emotional experience at the expense of healthy discussion about policies, positions, and context encourages moralism, virtue signaling, and blaming.   Matthew talks with us about: Experience versus expertise The yoga industry and charisma Manufactured charisma The -isms and moral superiority The dangers of self-flagellation and perfectionism as agents of change Check out Episode #80: How to Do Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass: When Charisma and Vibes Interfere With Healthy Communication, with Matthew Remski of the Conspirituality Podcast whereve you get your podcasts.  

November's presidential election represents a comparison between two forms of government. One, a democracy, driven by the principle that many people have voices, and ideally a government that works for a large sum of people. Two, an autocracy, driven by the principle that few people have voices.   Autocracies, such as the 2024 Republican Party, often communicate via jackassdom, including blame, repression, and fear-mongering. In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah talk about common communication ploys from autocracy, and ways that progressives and other pro-democracy voters can avoid responding in ways that reinforce jackassdom. We talk about: Strategies of Autocracy What is populism? Political Theatre, a Distraction  Populism & Anti-Intellectualism  Moralism v. Moral Critique  How Social Media Limits Empathy Check out Episode #79: How to Do Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass: Understanding Populism on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the Sexvangelicals website.  

We are less than two months away from the 2024 Election. This Election season is a bit different, because rather than voting for separate political parties, we're voting for two systems: democracy and autocracy (specifically, a Christian Nationalist theocracy).   Autocratic governments tend to rely on disinformation, propaganda, repression of voter rights, and fear-mongering in order to develop their power. The 2024 Republican Party is no different. A lot has been written about how the public can ethically respond, and quite frankly, there aren't a lot of great answers for the next 6 months, other than voting en masse.    We know responses that make it worse. Name-calling and blaming, while potentially cathartic, only entrench the polarization. Communicating around social identity ("White people do ____." Women think ____.") reinforces the stereotypes that progressivism attempts to reject.   From now until Election Day, we will be releasing a series called "How to Do Social Justice Without Being a Jackass." We'll talk with our guests about how to hold our anger and fear without responding in dehumanizing ways. In our introduction episode, we talk about: What does Jackass-dom mean? Deconstruction as a Political Process  Responding to Hate  A Relational Health Approach Behavior v. Values  Moral Superiority We'll also close with some specific Relationship 101 tips.   Check out How to Do Social Justice This Election Season Without Being a Jackass: An Intro on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

It's the first week of school for many students and families. The excitement of a new school year comes with new relationships, new beginnings, and setting goals. For many folks, especially those who grew up in conservative religious environments, setting goals can carry an enormous amount of anxiety with it.    This week, Julia and Jeremiah explore what it might look like to engage with the back-to-school season without the pressure of setting goals. We discuss: The pressure to be excited The anxiety of heaven being the ultimate goal The loss of play Setting new definitions on success Setting boundaries with the urgency desire Check out Episode #77: Summer Series: Taking a Break From...Setting Goals on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the SV website

Social media has the capacity to bring out the worst in us as communicators. Julia and Jeremiah talk about strategies for communicating as effectively as possible on social media, which can include taking a break from it altogether.   We explore: Real life examples of how to not conduct yourself on social media Virtue signaling and shame How to resolve conflict on social media effectively. The dangers of short form content. Building community, both virtually and in real life Check out Episode #76: Summer Series: Taking a Break from...Social Media on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the SV website.

Our work as relationship therapists invites couples to consider the variety of ways that their relationship could look, based on the values, traits, and preferences of the people in that relationship. Plenty of couples choose monogamy because it best aligns with these characteristics. However, performative monogamy refers to cultural aspects that reinforce explicit and implicit expectations of sexual exclusivity.    On that note, we're talking this week about the performativity of weddings. Evangelical weddings take this a step further as the marriage and wedding ceremony represent the socially sanctioned way for two people to become sexual persons.   We're joined by our marketing and communications director, Maddie, for this episode. The three of us talk about: Weddings as a status symbol The quirks of Evangelical wedding KitchenAid Mixers and other ways that society rewards those who get married Giving away the bride and patriarchy The cringey practices of weddings, like morning after breakfasts and garters. Surviving weddings Check out Episode #75: Summer Series...Taking a Break from the Performativity of Weddings on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the Sexvangelicals website.  

One of the biggest myths about sexuality is that the more sex you're having, the better the relationship is. Perhaps that's true, perhaps that isn't. But the myths around quantity place extreme pressures to perform sex, and a lot of panic around seasons with a lower quantity of sex.    This week, as we continue our summer series "Taking a Break From...", Julia and Jeremiah talk about: Sexual sabbaticals The anxiety around sexual sabbaticals The pressures around sex in Evangelical contexts Transitions into sexuality, and ensuing pressures The decrease of sexual activity among gen-Z The ebbs and flows of sexuality throughout the course of a relationship Check out Episode #74: Summer Series: Taking a Break from Sex on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.    Show notes and transcript are on the SV website.  

Happy first official week of summer! We recognize that for many folks, summer requires a reorganization of scheduling and routines for parents, who have three months in which they cannot rely on schools to partner with them in rearing their children.    While some parents see these three months as exciting, others face these months with growing trepidation. This week, we're talking about how to create structures that can hopefully make parenting a little less overwhelming for the next few months. Julia and Jeremiah talk about: Setting Realistic Expectations The Expectations of Parenting in Evangelical Communities Fear-Based and Performative Parenting Policing Parenting Letting Your Kids Be Bored How to Collaborate and Share the Responsibility with Your Co-Parent and Your Community Check out Episode #73: Summer Series: Taking a Break from the Expectations of Parenting on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast

This week, Sexvangelicals has teamed up with the I was a Teenage Fundamentalist podcast, to bring you their thought-provoking conversation with Tracey Phalen. She herself was a teenage fundamentalist, and details her experience as a member of the Last Days Ministries. The episode begs the question, was Keith Green a cult leader? 

Many folks who grew up in the 90s and 00s grew up with an extreme amount of sex negativity. Regardless of whether or not they grew up in Evangelical churches, Gen-X and millennials were impacted by a culture and policy that reinforced negative messages about bodies, sexuality, and gender.   And it's on us to make sure that future generations aren't saddled with equally negative messages and practices about sexuality and relationships.    We talk with Lindsay, Meg, and Sarai from the Holy Ghosting Podcast @holyghostingpod about how they have navigated talking with their kids in more effective, affirming, and healing ways. Check out our conversations about: Project 2025  Imposter Syndrome Discussing and Demystifying Masturbation  Shame Engaging with Sexuality at Different Ages  The Pain of Saving Yourself  Relational v. Behavioral Demphasizing the Importance of Sex  The Gravity of the Deadly Sexual Sins  The New Generation and Liberation Check out Episode 71: How to Talk with Your Kids About Sexuality When You Grew Up in an Evangelical Community, with Lindsay, Meg, and Sarai from the Holy Ghosting Pod on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the SV website.  

Mother's Day was this weekend, and is a complicated holiday for many folks. On the one hand, the celebration of women's expected unpaid labor for one singular day seems trite, at best. On another hand, women navigate a myriad of challenges on the pathway to motherhood, from obnoxious questions about timing, to pregnancy loss.  Ideally, parenting is a collaborative relationship between two (or more) parents, with each parent contributing an equal amount to the development of their children. We talk with Lindsay, Meg, and Sarai from the Holy Ghosting Podcast (@holyghostingpod) about their experiences co-parenting, both while in religious communities, and during the deconstruction process. We discuss: Co-Parenting Wins  Deconstructing Human Depravity as a Parent Trusting Yourself Outside of Religion  Choice in Motherhood Abortion  Stillbirth  Lack of Structure and Support  Creating Space for Grief  The Myth of "Spiritual Warfare" Not Believing is Not an Option  Pre-Existing Conditions and Shame Mirroring Healthy Disagreements in Coparenting  Parenting Post-Deconstruction Check out Episode 70: How to Navigate Co-Parenting Post Deconstruction, with Lindsay, Meg, and Sarai from the Holy Ghosting Pod on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the Sexvangelicals website.

Pride month next month is going to be especially important.  Based on the threats from Project 2025 and the behavior of other religious nationalist groups, federal bills that prevent states from discriminating against queer folks are at risk.    Coming out, already a stress-inducing process, especially for folks in conservative areas, would have far greater anxiety connected with it under a second Trump administration.   We invite singer-songwriter Adaline, founder of the nonprofit Bad Believer, to help explore the anxieties that come with coming out. Adaline talks with us about: Her new album, Hymnal No Hate Like Christian Love Erasing Love  Rebecca St. James & Waiting Not Being a Part of Your Own Story The Mythmaking of Purity Culture Autonomy and Choosing Yourself  Love Songs Radical Acceptance, Jesus, and Unconditional Love Hymnal was released March 22. Download it today!   Also, check out this episode and all other episodes of Sexvangelicals on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the SV website.

One of the most common targets of Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal (EMPish) communities in the 21st century are queer people. The moralizing of straight, married relationships places people who are attracted to folks of the same sex/gender and folks who are curious about sexual experiences with same sex/gendered people in terrible double binds.   Folks can accept and practice sexuality in alignment with their sexual orientation in the face of name-calling, loss of relationships with family members, and threats of violence.   Or they can squelch or hide their sexuality, or practice their sexuality in more secretive ways, which itself can have negative impacts.   Coming out in EMPish communities carries a ton of undue emotional and relational pressure.    To help us navigate that, we've invited singer-songwriter and founder of non-profit Bad Believer (@badbelievercommunity), Adaline (@adalinemusic), to share how she navigated her own coming out process. We talk with Adaline about her first album, Hymnal, as well as: Body Talk and EMPish Communities Hierarchy in Sin  Binaries and Sexuality  Co-Opting Coming Out  Stories for Her Songs "Part of You" and "Waist Down" Building Personal Strength  Trusting Desires Family Systems: When Your Pastor is Also Your Father Embracing Your Body Sensuality and the Music Video  Coming Out and Guilt  Her Nonprofit, Bad Believer Check out Episode #68: Coming Out in Evangelical Families, with Singer-Songwriter, Adaline, part 1 of 2, on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the SV website

What are the messages that we wish we learned about masculinity? What are messages that we'd like to teach younger generations about masculinity, and in conjunction, how we might do relationships more effectively, more collaboratively?   We are thrilled to have Zach Wagner (@zacharycwagner), author of Non-Toxic Masculinity, on Sexvangelicals this week. Zach talks with us about: The Books of Deconstruction The Narrative of Sex and Conquest Broadening the Script Male Sexuality Injecting Shame  Shame & Desire EMPish Communities and Being “Counter-Cultural” Internalized Narratives  Desire  Starting Sex Ed Early Check out Episode #67: Banned Books: Non-Toxic Masculinity, by Zach Wagner, part 2 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.    Show notes and transcript are on the SV website.

Healing from Purity Culture involves conversations of how Evangelical communities have created undue amounts of anxiety and pressure for men as well as women.   We talk with Zachary Wagner (@zacharycwagner), author of the new book Non-Toxic Masculinity, about the importance of deconstructing simplistic, reductive practices of manhood and reimagining new ways that men can conceptualize themselves and create meaningful relationships.   Zach talks with us about: Why Does the Book Matter Now: Generational Understandings of Masculinity The Power of the Purity Movement Purity Books  The Effects of Christian Literature Purity Culture and Sex  Violence as a Result of Purity Culture  Purity Camp  Reducing Each Other's Humanity  Healing  Check out Episode #66: Banned Books: Non Toxic Masculinity, with Zach Wagner, part 1 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the SV website: www.sexvangelicals.com

Are you interested in writing a memoir? Then this episode is especially for you!   We're excited to have Tia Levings @tialevingsswriter, author of the upcoming book A Well Trained Wife, as our guest for Sexvangelicals this week.   Tia talks with us about: Hero's Journey Not Exploiting Your Own Story  Babies and Resilience The Nuance in Deconstruction  Finding Light in the Dark  Honoring Our Instincts  Slowing Down  Write the Book  The Books of Deconstruction  Check out Episode #65 Banned Books: A Well Trained Wife, with Tia Levings, part 2 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the SV website.

"While this story is my own memoir, the situations in this book are far from unique. With me stands a choir of invisible fundamentalist women, too silenced to tell their stories for themselves."    We're honored to have Tia Levings (@tialevingswriter), author of the upcoming book A Well Trained Wife, as our podcast guest this week. Tia shares her research, wisdom, and immense bravery with us; we focus our conversations around: How the Evangelical Church is a Microcosm of a Bigger System Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop: Perfectionism  Books that Encourage Evangelical Family Structures Tradwives Dating Under Purity Culture  Covenant Marriage  Cosigning Misery  The Wellness Industry and Christianity  Assigning Credit to Yourself Instead of God

There's a lot of memoirs, social media comments, and dialogue about leaving the evangelical church. However, as our guest, Sarah McCammon (@sarahmccammon_journalist) says, "you can't really understand the leaving without understanding loving and living the evangelical church."   Sarah is the author of the new book The Exvangelicals. She talks with us about: The history of Christianity and politics What religion may offer The Bill Clinton Era and Purity Culture Evangelical Relationships  Performing Gender  Loving and Living (and Leaving) the Evangelical Church Grief  Connection and Trauma Bonding  Healing Through Storytelling Check out Episode #63: Banned Books: The Exvangelicals, with Sarah McCammon, part 2 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the SV website

It's been really fascinating to watch the ways that Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal (EMPish) cultures have begun to be deconstructed and discussed on a wider cultural level.    While some still struggle to accurately name the direct correlation between EMPish cultures and the construction of the modern-day Republican Party, NPR national correspondent Sarah McCammon (@sarahmccammon_journalist) discusses the strategy and implementation of rigid conservative values in her new book The Exvangelicals: Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church.   In part 1 of a 2 part interview, Sarah talks with us about:  Trump and Evangelicals The rise of the religious Nones Two target audiences The purpose of The Exvangelicals Fear of Judgement  Empathy and Honesty  Why People Stay in EMPish Spaces  Lack of Goodbyes  Christianity and Inclusivity Promises Unfulfilled  Salem Witch Trials and Christian Textbooks The Exvangelicals comes out this week--buy it on Amazon!   Check out Episode #62: Banned Books: The Exvangelicals, with Sarah McCammon, part 1 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the SV website  

One of the most common relational processes that the deconstructing world talks about is boundaries. Evangelical circles encourage the elimination of boundaries. Sexuality is public, as Purity Culture invites people in leadership positions to make a variety of comments about people's bodies. Accountability groups and testimonials favor people who describe the most intimate parts of their stories.    When making sense of these harmful systems, it's easy to go the opposite direction with boundaries; in fact, quite a few people in the deconstructing community invite people to do this. But as we talk about with Laura Anderson, author of When Religion Hurts You, the construction of boundaries is a complex, nuanced process, something more complicated than just "Setting those boundaries".   Laura talks with us about:  Leaving religious spaces Trust development post-religion Boundary rigidity Differences being dangerous Pop psychology messages around boundaries Trauma in the context of relationships The practice of slowing down Healing ourselves first Accommodations and understanding Check out Episode #61: Banned Books, with Laura Anderson, part 2 of 2 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Show notes and transcript are on the Sexvangelicals website.   

What is religious abuse? Dr. Laura Anderson, in her new book When Religion Hurts You, defines it as:   "The improper use of religious beliefs, teachings, doctrines, and relationships against another person. This might include harassment, humiliation, mind control, psychological abuse, isolation, threats, intimidation, minimizing, denying, blaming, asserting spiritual authority, and making it difficult to leave the religious community."   If you're experienced one or more of the above, our interview with Laura provides some strategies for processing and navigating these experiences. Laura talks with us about: Addressing Religious Trauma Downplaying Trauma How Diagnosing Blames the Individual Focusing on the Body Eating Disorders and EMPish Communities Acknowledging Before Healing Two-Choice Dilemmas Honoring Grief The Demonization of Anger Check out Episode #60: Banned Books: When Religion Hurts You, with Laura Anderson (part 1 of 2) on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Purity Culture is largely embedded within White social and political systems intended to dominate and control bodies through a hyper-moralistic, anti-sex landscape.   However, in this last week of Black History month, it's imperative that we talk about the ways that Purity Culture has impacted Black communities.   To help us, we are sharing our interview with Deesha Philyaw (@deeshaphilyaw), author of The Secret Lives of Church Ladies, about how the values of Purity Culture have infiltrated Black churches and informed sexual relationships and expectations within the Black community. We talk about: Purity Culture within Cultural Contexts Values  How Sexual Misinformation Informs the Writing Process The Lack of Conversation  Divorce within the Church Fiction and Sexual Health  Suffering in Silence  “Daddy Issues''  Grief  Working Through Self-Hate Through Fiction  Sexism within Black Churches  Check out Episode 59: Banned Books: The Secret Lives of Church Ladies, with Deesha Philyaw on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Please give us a five star review as well!   Show notes and transcript are found on the Sexvangelicals website.

Julia begins, "Unlearning the messages from the church archive is only part of the healing process. The next step is learning new ways to engage relationships and sexuality.    So, together, we are going to begin creating a new library with literature that can support us in building better, more sustainable, and thriving relationships."    In order to unlearn unhelpful messages, we have to understand the systems that propagated these messages.  "If I had a dollar for every time a client mentioned The Five Love Languages in therapy, I'd have close to a thousand dollars by this stage," Jeremiah says.   The problem? The Five Love Languages was written by Gary Chapman. Chapman has no professional training in therapy or the science of relationships. Rather, he's one of hundreds of clergy trained at Wheaton, Moody Bible College, and other conservative organizations who have written about relationships--generally not their scope of practice.  These authors have been propelled by a multi-billion dollar publishing industry who have generated radio shows, books, TV shows, and podcasts to sell complementarian gender roles, a rigid understanding of sexuality, and communication strategies that seek avoidance and compliance rather than negotiation of differences.    In this episode, Jeremiah and Julia talk about: History of Christian Publishing Houses  Conservatism and Publishing Christian Education and Apologetics Why Christian Literature is Effective Ask Suzie  Why Focus on Christian Media?  “Sex Ed”  The Books of Deconstruction and Music as Manipulation Perpetuating Myths 

The Roman Catholic Church, Southern Baptist Convention, and Acts 29 Churches have all had significant challenges with sexual, emotional, and spiritual abuse in their systems, something that becomes even more pronounced when religious systems become intertwined with private and home schooling, sex education, and the expectations of rigid gender norms.   Sarah Stankorb, author of Disobedient Women, interviews women who have been victimized within Evangelical systems. And while online spaces provided camaraderie, acceptance, and empowerment, the disclosure of abuse and sexual crimes often gets met with the opposite outcomes.   Sarah talks with us about things to consider when disclosing spiritual abuse, including: How the Church Enables Abuse. Intertwining of Church and School. Homeschooling and Being Insulated. Reporting Abuse in Higher Education. Parallels Between Secular and Christian Universities. Title IX.  The Right to Silence for Survivors. The Importance of Listening. The Internet and Community Check out Episode #57: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: Things to Consider When Disclosing Spiritual Abuse, with Sarah Stankorb on Apple Podcasts. And please leave us a 5 star review!   Show notes and transcript are on the SV website:

It's well documented that reporting abuse to larger systems is a daunting process. The Southern Baptist Convention is the latest organization to have been outed for the ways that it protects perpetrators of violence, especially against women and children, two categories of people whose stories are commonly dismissed in our larger society.   We're thrilled to have Sarah Stankorb on our podcast. Sarah Stankorb is the author of the national best-seller Disobedient Women. (For Libsyn only) The award-winning, Ohio-based writer talks about religion, politics, feminism, health, technology, and the public good. In Disobedient Women, she outlines how access to the internet—its networks, freedom of expression, and resources for deeply researching and reporting on powerful church figures—allowed women to begin dismantling the false authority of evangelical communities that had long demanded their submission.   In this episode, Sarah talks with us about the emotional and relational processes that empower women to share their stories and hold systems accountable for their actions. We discuss: The concept of impact vs. intent How the church enables abuse Demonizing anger The fallacies of untethered empathy The weight of speaking up Storytelling and journalism Defining bravery The trad-wife trend, and other systems that encourage women to propagate messages of inequity. Check out Episode #56: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: How Anger Can Be a Vital Resource for Processing Trauma and Beginning Change, with Sarah Stankorb on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.   Show notes and transcript can be found on the Sexvangelicals website.

Transitions are a natural part of life. There are big transitions, such as a person leaving home or a child aging into adolescence. There are smaller transitions that happen everyday, such as leaving to go to work or switching from topic to topic in a conversation.    A family system has to be adaptable enough to respond to transitions, and many relationship and family problems are rooted in challenges transitioning.   In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah discuss three strategies to help you and your partner call effective audibles and transition effectively. We talk about: Transitions and getting stuck Unilateral decision making Making adjustments Sexual content and audibles Aftercare Preparation Check out Episode #55: Three Ways to Call Audibles and Transition Well in Relationships, with Julia and Jeremiah.   Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And please give us a five star review!  

“Romantic comedies and chick lit reflect messages that are prevalent in both secular culture and religious spaces. Although Christian spaces give lots of lip service to being counter cultural, they usually repackage the same message from popular culture with a different wrapping paper.” We continue our mini-series Let's Kick Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse, with Katherine Spearing, co-founder of Tears of Eden and author of Hartfords, a historical romantic comedy. Katherine talks with us about how literature can often reinforce some of the rigid, unhelpful ideas about gender and relationships, and how writing Hartfords positively impacted her own healing process. Join us as we explore:    Chiclit and Romcoms (2:00) Jane Austen and Subtle Messaging (6:00) The Fear of Art Within the Church (16:00) Art as a Means of Survival (21:00) Psychology, Art, and the Church (26:00) Rom Coms and the Church (31:00) Friendship within Hartfords (35:00) The Power of the Pen (40:00) Deconstruction and Hartfords (45:00) Healing (59:00) Check out Episode #54: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: How Romantic Comedies Can Reinforce the Worst Parts of Evangelical Culture, with Katherine Spearing on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Show notes and transcript are on the Sexvangelicals website: www.sexvangelicals.com Let's heal together!

Happy New Year! January is Spirtual Abuse Awareness month, and so we're kicking off the New Year with a couple of episodes with Katherine Spearing (@katherinespearing), host of the Uncertain Podcast (@uncertainpodcast) and founder of the nonprofit Tears of Eden.    Katherine defines spiritual abuse as "invoking a religious text or deity as a way to maintain power and control over both individuals and communities." In this episode, we describe the multiple systems in Katherine's life that practiced abusive dynamics--family of origin, churches, the Evangelical system at large. Katherine talks with us about:  Stay at Home Daughters (7:00) Women as Property (9:00) Double Binds of Womanhood (13:00) Arrested Development (17:00) Labeling Abuse and Defining Spiritual Abuse Once More (25:00) Finding a Voice You Never Had (29:00) Individuation (31:00) Phobias and Leaving Cults (39:00) Silent Patriarchy (45:00)  Tears of Eden and Healing (55:00) Learn more about Katherine's work by visiting tearsofeden.org. We're so grateful for her influence and passion for helping folks in the early stages of deconstruction!

Happy New Year! We hope that you had a safe, peaceful, and festive holiday season with family and friends!   For most of us, this week will be about transitioning out of the excitement and chaos that comes with the holiday season and into the rhythms of everyday life. That transition process can be really challenging on individuals and relationships.   To help us, we invited our marketing and communications extraordinaire, Maddie, to be our first guest of 2024. Maddie talks with us about: Reverting and Growth (7:00) Applying Growth to the Relational System (11:00) Deconstruction Culture and Antagonism (17:00) Engaging in Conversations about Deconstruction with Religious Family (21:00) Recharging (24:00) Little Ways to Reconnect (28:00) Holidays as an Adult (33:00) Managing Conflict and the Pressure Cooker (44:00) Relationship Anarchy (46:00) Sexting in Church (50:00)  This episode is a fantastic way to kick off 2024! Check out Episode #52: Holiday Horror Stories: How to Recover from the Holiday Season, with Maddie Upson, on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.