This Week in the Ancient Near East

New research on Iron Age Judah has us asking questions, specifically about tchotckes. Just how elite does having an alabaster bowl make you as opposed to say, a bead? How about after you were pummeled by Assyrians? What was flair in the Iron Age anyway? Was fifteen the minimum? Brian, for example, has thirty seven pieces of flair, okay. And a terrific smile.

A new study of Neolithic arrowheads from the Negev shows they had human as well as animal residues on them. Like human blood and guts residue, not, oh I got a tiny little nick residue. Peaceful hunter-gatherers, amirite?

The Pharaoh Necho has finally turned up at Megiddo (well, his guys have), which isn't so surprising since the Bible says he killed King Josiah there. But this raises questions like, do pots equal peoples? Why did so many Greeks become mercenaries? And why did Judean kings make so many bad decisions? With a shoutout to our late friend and mentor Doug Esse!

The new excavations at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre have us asking questions. What's it like digging in the holiest place in the Christian world? Is it as stressful as it sounds? How many phases could there be in a 1700 year old building anyway? And was the Crusaders' North Atlantic cod fresh or frozen?

A late Iron Age building in the Negev Desert has us asking questions. Why is it filled with dead young women? Who were they and what were their connections with Yemen? Why don't we call it The Yemen any more? And what does frankincense really smell like anyway?

Newly published excavations of cultic rooms cut into the living rock of the City of David have us asking questions. Why are there big grooves cut in the floor? Who was crushing olives and/or grapes and for what? Why was the standing stone so skinny? And why did Hezekiah put this funky little place out of business? Spring cleaning or something else?

New research shows that prehumans collected and prepared carb heavy foods around 780,000 years ago. So who says that processed foods are bad for you? After all, it made their brains bigger. With a shoutout to everyone's favorite starch, the potato!

The publication of a really long Roman legal document from the Judean Desert has us wondering about crime. Is changing a location on a contract really forgery? How about a little light counterfeiting of silver coins? Ok fine, but there's sales tax on slaves? That makes all this even worse.

You know that giant prehistoric stone circle on the Golan Heights, Rujm el Hiri? Yeah, its not really aligned with the sun and stars and isn't the only big stone thing up there. So what is it? Beats us, but never underestimate the human need to get other people to pile up stones. And really, aren't we all aligned with the sun and stars?

In 4th and 3rd century BCE Athens lead curse tablets were snuck into cemeteries so the dead could take the messages to the underworld. Asking the departed to help put a hit on a business or romantic rival seems like a lot of responsibility. Pretty good business if you were a living sorcerer though.

Some lightly baked clay cylinders from a late third millennium tomb in Syria have alphabetic markings. They've got us thinking. Does this mean -the- alphabet originated hundreds of years earlier than we thought? What is -the- alphabet anyway? Why did we think we understood any of this? Who, in fact, is lightly baked in this scenario? 

An excavation in southern Jerusalem revealed a tax office belonging to Hezekiah. This raises a question, was Jerusalem really a capitol district and not just a city? A more pressing question, however, is why Hezekiah thought rebelling against the Assyrians was a good idea in the first place.

A wonderful newish video about the famous 6th century Babylonian tablet showing a map of the world has us thinking. Sure, there are a bunch of Mesopotamian field and building plans, more of a zoning and taxes thing, but why aren't there more maps? Maybe they knew that no matter where you go, there you are. See the video here! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUxFzh8r384

New studies on the origins of the wheel have us wondering, why did it take thousands of years to go from 10th millennium BCE spindle whorls in Israel to 4th millennium BCE wheels in the Carpathian mountains, were rollers and copper mining really involved, and how much rotational energy is really provided courtesy of Fred Flintstone's two feet?

Some Old Babylonian tablets warn about lunar eclipses and their dire consequences. Drought! Famine! Lions! Surprisingly, the priests had rituals to prevent those consequences. Wait, you don't seem surprised. With a shoutout to Madame Marie, seer of the Jersey Shore!

For our momentous 100th episode we're talking about the age old question, does chronology matter? A bunch of tiny seal impressions seem to have solved the question of when our old friend Hezekiah reigned. Though definitely stolen, they might even be real, probably. Maybe. So we've got big problems of reality and morality going for us, which is something.

A Neolithic shaman burial at Çemka Höyük in southeastern Turkey? Why not! Somebody had to be a guide to the spirit world. But why are they always buried with tortoises? Aurochs, sure, weasels, um, ok. Our contestants are stumped and offer wild speculations. So business as usual.

A red dyed textile from a Middle Bronze Age cave in the Judean Desert has us wondering, sure, boiled squished insects are colorful, but how did they go from, eww, gross, to, hey maybe I could dye some fabric with them and make myself pop? With psychologically revealing ruminations on our contestants' favorite colors!

Old Kingdom scribes kneeled or sat on the floor so their knees, backs and hips were as screwed up as ours. But did they have a trusted firm of personal injury lawyers pushing through the red tape to get them the Worker's Comp benefits they were owed? Let's hope so.

A Late Bronze Age shipwreck 90 kilometers off the coast of Israel has us asking, what were they doing way out there and if your ship sinks, how do you make an insurance claim without texts? Anyway, why are there are no Canaanite sea shanties? No, really.

New evidence suggests horses were domesticated over a thousand years later than previously thought, around 2200 BCE, which would mean they caught on pretty fast with wealthy Near Easterners. Still, who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person that had a pony? With touching childhood memories of horsemanship!

Horvat Tevet was a village in the early Iron Age Galilee. Caananite, Israelite, who knows? They liked beeswax though. Make of that what you will. With a shoutout to The Bangles and a completely incongruent Lightning Round!

Today we're talking about research suggesting Çatalhöyük was way less populous than once thought, like, hundreds and not thousands of people. How many people does it take to get stuff done anyway, and what's up with all the frescoes and cow heads? Come for the Neolithic, suffer through a deep dive with Patrick McGoohan, Mayberry, and Lake Wobegone!

New research shows that a long vanished branch of the Nile came right up to the pyramids at Giza, which made it easier to make deliveries. You'd think someone would have noticed that a branch of the river vanished but what do we know. Maybe it was one of those slowly, then all at once situations.

A new collection of radiocarbon dates from Jerusalem has clarified the westward expansion of the city in the Iron Age and helped archaeologists overcome the Hallstadt Plateau. You know, that dull and listless part of the radiocarbon curve? So why are we arguing so much? It's a regular three ring circus, but with a shoutout to the real king of Jerusalem, B.B. King!

This week we're talking about the discovery in Iran of a carved stone tube containing glittery red lipstick. Was it for women or men? Was it for fancy people or regular folks? Was it garish or tasteful? Who are we to judge? One way or another, pop is the word of the day!

Today we're talking about the possibility that the famous site of Dura Europos – you know, the giant Hellenistic multicultural walled city with a synagogue, church and temples etc., had a twin, just six kilometers down the Euphrates River. A twin in Bucks County, Pennsylvania would be more surprising but you take what you can get.

The Late Bronze Age temple at Tell Azekah in the Judean Shephelah has us wondering, why does it face the sun, why is it so small, how often was it used, and how could you possibly have a wedding there? Not that we're looking for a place, mind you. With an obvious and well deserved shoutout to Timbuk 3!

Today we're talking about efforts to recreate woolly mammoths, apparently in order to 1) combat climate change, 2) cure cancer, and 3) re-wild the tundra. Our first reactions are, what? But our second reactions are a deep dive into the ethics of paleo-genomic research. Finally, there's a shoutout to everyone's favorite giant armadillo tank, Tarkus, and a rare reference to Tasha Yar. So there's something for everyone.

A Roman medical office in southwestern Turkey has us talking medicine. Were the same instruments used for cataracts and hemorrhoids? What kind of insurance did gladiators have anyway? Our contestants are concerned about sanitary conditions, however. With an inevitable shoutout to Theodoric, Barber of York.

What was sleep like in antiquity and was it really that different from today? Aside from all the sheep next to you, the guy knapping flint at midnight, and having to climb a ladder and run across the rooftops in order to go to the bathroom, that is. 

A temple dedicated to Alexander the Great at the Mesopotamian site of Girsu has us asking questions. Was this the meta-crossover event of the century or just some guys in an office making some plaques for a foreign chump passing through? Our contestants disagree but give a special shoutout to Molly Pitcher, heroine of the New Jersey Turnpike!

Plant remains from the Philistine temples at Tell es Safi (aka Gat) have us asking questions. Sure they're lovely seasonal items but were they tastefully displayed? How about those strong parallels in Greece? And for the very first time the listener stops by with an unexpected tale of a visit to tunnels beneath Nineveh, newly liberated from ISIS!

Today we're talking about what it means when dogs wags their tails, and then working backward about 15,000 years to the question of their domestication. Sure dogs help, herd and guard us humans, but in the process did they help us learn to love? If Scooby and Shaggy are any indication, then the answer is clear. With a special shoutout to Tucker, ace goldendoodle of the Upper West Side!

The growing ability of Artificial Intelligence to transliterate and translate Mesopotamian texts has us asking questions. Will AI be a force for good, putting texts into the hands of the people or will it throw folks out of work and let charlatans push out nonsense? You're asking us? Anyway, as a bonus, our contestants offer touching memories of their first encounters with Assyriologists!

Psychoacoustic search at the Sanctuary of Zeus on Mount Lycaion shows that the builders constructed an entire site around sound. You could hear everything from the cheap seats, but was the experience really social rather than acoustic? With special shoutouts to The Who, Emerson, Lake and Palmer, and Boston area favorite, Human Sexual Response!

Like most people, the find of an obsidian core on the seafloor off Capri has us asking, how did a chunk of the Neolithic period's favorite shiny stone get to the bottom of the Mediterranean and, was a sunken canoe involved? After answering “who knows,” our (non-sailing) contestants are left to ponder the bravery of those who sailed in the Neolithic and ask, was it such a big deal?

In our triumphant return we're laser focused on new radiocarbon dates from destructions at Late Bronze Age and Iron Age Gezer in Israel. These destructions might be the doing of better dated Egyptian kings like Merneptah, and could link back to events described in the Bible. So not really like a laser, more bouncing around like a ping pong ball.

This Week in the Ancient Near East is taking a short break while one member of our plucky band recovers from a nasty illness. We'll be back soon with all new episodes and the same old schtick!

A burial cave on the Western Mediterranean island of Minorca dating to 1000 BCE contained 200 individuals and wooden boxes of dyed human hairs. The hairs were full of drugs, which leads our contestants to ask just what kind of parties were going on down there and why we weren't invited. A few flashbacks to the 1970s result.

Excavation of Iron Age cesspits in Jerusalem has us thinking many things. These include 1) wow, they actually recovered protozoa that caused dysentery, how'd they do that, and, 2) umm, Jerusalem elites were really unhealthy. Our contestants try to keep the juvenile humor to a minimum.

A new article suggests that an elite Copper Age burial in southern Spain belonged to a young woman, not a man, and that society was a matriarchy. Our contestants are a little conflicted about reconstructing society starting with a single tooth, but it sounds a bit like Barbie Land, which is cool with us.

A cave near Beth Shemesh in Israel seems to have been a Late Roman portal to the underworld. How do we know? Did the detached skulls tell us? Our contestants take pro and anti-necromancy stances, but in a good way.

A new report on Natufian aerophones from Eynan-Mallaha has us wondering, what's an aerophone? It's a bone with holes, sort of like a flute or a bird call. So are humans replicating bird sounds to catch birds or to make music? Is all this ritual or is it just hunting? All the same, really, isn't it? 

A new inscription from Jerusalem's Pilgrim's Road looks like a receipt from the Early Roman period. It's also on a piece of stone, which seems difficult to file. We've got Emily Dickinson and emojis, religious observance, and the suspicious relationship between writing and literacy. With a special shoutout to Major Deegan and his expressway!

Pits with dismembered hands at the Hyksos site of Tell el Dab'a/Avaris have us asking, what is it with ancient Egypt and dismemberment? Sure the king wants to permanently defeat his enemies – really, who doesn't want that - but isn't all this hand chopping business just, well, performance art? It's our most hands on episode yet!

The discovery of grapes pips at Late Antique Avdat in the northern Negev has us asking questions, like who makes wine in the desert anyway, and how do you get the wine from the desert to the people? Is this a story of wine fancying monks or Breaking Bad style middlemen? Pour a glass and settle in with our contestants!

A new report on Iron Age temples in Jordan has us puzzled. How different are the cults to national gods and their shrines on both sides of the Jordan River, you know, really? And if a Moabite walked into a Judean bar, would you know? Watch us go from a very small building to huge questions about world religions!

The discovery of a tavern at Early Dynastic Lagash has us asking questions. Who drank there, who ran the joint, and how did you pay come to mind, along with the obvious problems of drunks and pickled eggs. With a special shoutout to wise bartenders everywhere from Siduri to Sam Malone!

The discovery of an Iron Age pot in Jerusalem with an inscription in a South Arabian language has us flustered. We knew there was an ancient spice trade between the Levant and Yemen, but does this mean that Solomon and Sheba were real? It's a spicy discussion with breathless notes of labdanum. Come for the world systems theory, stay for all the aunts in a cloud of Shalimar!

A 52 foot long Book of the Dead sounds like a super deluxe edition, but if you're traveling from death to judgment and into the afterlife you can't be too careful. But did anyone in ancient Egypt actually believe this stuff? What about the non-believers? Where did they fit in? Our contestants slide effortlessly into Spinoza mode, but still worry a little about Ammit, devoureress of the dead.