Podcasts about sex navigating

On this episode: Nate and Aaron discuss ADHD, convergent and divergent thinking. How someone with ADHD isn't broken. Our Guest: Rachel Allen has lived in Alabama and Tennessee, and now calls Utah her home. She is a CSAT who works with a lot of women and couples. She shares her fascination with human behavior and how she started explaining sexuality to women in college. Rachel urges women not to Google Women's Sexuality, especially in considering rape and purity culture, women's masturbation, and sexual addiction. She educates on sexual anorexia, shame, body hate, control, and dopamine hits. Rachel also disputes society's incorrect message that women are responsible for men's thoughts. Links:   Healing Paths Recovery Rachel Allen's Email Books: Come As You Are by: Emily Nagoski Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by: Peggy Orenstein Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD by: Susan Pinsky Events: 2024 Samson Summit Sponsor: Life Works Counseling   If you have thoughts or questions that you'd like the guys to address in upcoming episodes or suggestions for future guests, please drop a note to piratemonkpodcast@gmail.com.   The music on this podcast is contributed by members of the Samson Society and www.fiftysounds.com. For more information on this ministry, please visit samsonsociety.com.  Support for the women who have been impacted by our choices is available at sarahsociety.com. The Pirate Monk Podcast is provided by Samson Society, a ministry of Samson House, a 501(c)3 nonprofit. To help support the vision, please consider a contribution to Samson House.

“I've personally witnessed how Chelsey changes the lives of teenage girls for the better. This book is exactly what we all need right now, for our families and for our future voices in the world."—Laura Dern, Academy Award-winning actress and New York Times bestselling author of Honey, Baby, MineTeenage girls have a lot of assumptions made about them, and they're not very positive.  Things like, they're dramatic, they're mean, they're overly emotional, and they don't know really know what they want or who they want to be.Chelsey Goodan, the author of "UNDERESTIMATED: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls", is on a mission to dispel these assumptions and show us why we actually have a lot to learn from teenage girls.  About my guest:Chelsey Goodan has spent 16 years working as an academic tutor and also volunteering her time to mentor teenage girls. Chelsey now speaks regularly to audiences and conducts workshops on gender justice, and revealing how teenage girls can teach us all how to create more heartfelt connections and impactful change.Buy the book here!Resources cited:A Call to Men- The Next Generation of Manhood Peggy Orenstein's "Girls and Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape"https://www.peggyorenstein.com/main-stDr. Emily Morse's "Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure"https://www.harpercollins.com/products/smart-sex-emily-morse?variant=40992969556002Support the showKeep up with all things WeSTAT on any (or ALL) of the social feeds:InstagramThreads : westatpodFacebookLinkedInTwitterHave a topic or want to stay in touch via e-mail on all upcoming news?https://www.westatpod.com/Help monetarily support the podcast by subscribing to the show! This is an easy way to help keep the conversations going:https://www.buzzsprout.com/768062/supporters/new

Hey Bookends! We're back with our BONUS episode of September, this time joined by the much-loved YA and Contemporary fiction author Holly Bourne to chat about her latest YA book 'You Could Be So Pretty'! We discuss beauty standards, modern society, internet culture, body image, safeguarding in books, sensitivity readers and so much more. It was such an empowering and thought-provoking conversation that we hope you all enjoy! As always, if you enjoy this episode please do rate, review & subscribe so we can reach more of you. You can follow us @apairofbookendspod on Instagram and @apairofbookends on Twitter and Tik Tok. To buy Holly's books: You Could Be So Pretty The Places I've Cried In Public To follow Holly and her work: InstagramHolly's website Books & other recs discussed: I'm a fan by Sheena PatelWeirdos Book Club Podcast- I'm a fan Ft Nish Kumar: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/im-a-fan-by-sheena-patel-with-nish-kumar/id1699406650?i=1000625500266The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf You Could Be So Pretty by Holly BourneThe Places I've Cried In Public by Holly Bourne Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by Peggy Orenstein Only Ever Yours by Louise O'Neill For future episodes or book recs you can reach us apairofbookendspod@gmail.comUntil next time, happy reading! Han & Lyd x

This is the first episode in a five part series with Kathryn.  She's been struggling to deal with the roller coaster ride of parenting her 17 year old daughter, Bridgette. Bridgette has been making what most parents might consider risky choices.  Her choices surrounding sex and drugs has her mother extremely concerned and feeling unsure of how to best to parent her. She is afraid for her daughter's safety and is feeling overwhelmed and panicked. This episode unpacks the complex issues underlying Bridgette's behavior. Leslie looks at  how effective communication can support their relationship and will focus on questions such as: How do you establish a judgment-free line of communication with your teen?  How do you parent a child whose personality is unlike your own? How do you help your child navigate decision-making without imposing your own beliefs and judgements? Look for the answers to these questions and more in this episode of Is My Child A Monster?Time Stamps9:06  Raising our children will challenge us in ways that give us the opportunity to grow as people16:22 Begin where your child is16:55 An example of nonjudgmental language to open lines of communication.  Say what you see18:30  Be the curious alien - zoom out, zoom in depending on what you are dealing with.23:22  Parenting by the Paradox - Giving children the room to make mistakes27:06  Parenting is so much about the FIT between the parent and the child28:53 When does it work, when does it not work - A way to look at those qualities that drive you nutsLeslie-ism - The best insurance against life's hardships for your child is the quality of your relationshipShow Note Links:Handout on Understanding the Importance of the "Fit" between Parent and ChildBook reference: Kathryn spoke about a book that she was reading:  Girls & Sex:  Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by Peggy OrensteinIf you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, sexual assaults  or other mental health issues there are resources available for you. National Sexual assault hotline 800-656-HOPE (4763)National Substance Abuse Hotline 866-210-1303Substance abuse and mental health administration 1-800-662-HELP  (4357)National Alliance of Mental Illness 212-684-3264

“Women spent so much time in the ancient world spinning, like they spent all their time, any spare moment. And spinsters were not bad, it wasn't bad to be a spinster the way we think of it, spinsters were, you know, respected members of households, single women who didn't have the responsibilities of husbands or children, who could spin more, and make money. And, you know, you think about things like marauding around when they sailed across the Atlantic and their little hats and everything, but you don't think about the sails. You don't think like, who made those sails? Who made the thread that made all those sails? Who do you think did that? How many years did it take those women to make one lousy sail, you know, I mean, it took two years of women's labor to make a sail. So the kind of invisible labor of women in all of that…” So says, Peggy Orenstein, a celebrated journalist who is acclaimed for her insightful analysis of gender, sexuality, and identity issues. She's written several best-sellers about the topic, including Girls & Sex and Boys & Sex. But that's not what we're going to talk about today. During COVID, Peggy took a right turn, and an entirely different type of book emerged, one that is actually just as radical. In Unraveling, she explores the depths of her grief and tackles societal issues through the process of making a sweater from scratch—including shearing a sheep and carding and dying the wool—ultimately discovering the power of creativity and connection. While sharing her journey of making the sweater, which is actually riveting, she also unravels the rich history and culture of spinning and weaving while exposing the sobering reality of fast fashion and its detrimental impact on our environment. This is a book about something that sounds simple, yet is actually about everything, offering the potential for a genuine shift in how we perceive the world.  MORE FROM PEGGY ORENSTEIN: Unraveling: What I Learned about Life While Shearing Sheep, Dyeing Wool, and Making the World's Ugliest Sweater Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hook-Ups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape Don't Call Me a Princess: Essays on Girls, Women, Sex and Life Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of New Girlie-Girl Culture Peggy Orenstein's Website Follow Peggy on Instagram and Twitter To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We're talking about S-E-X on the podcast today. If you grew up in a household like mine, raised by traditional parents, there's a good chance you never talked about sex. But I'm slowly learning how to detatch guilt, shame, and embarrassment from not just sex, but also self-exploration and pleasure. (Spoiler alert: so far, it's been incredibly liberating.) Want to join me in this journey? Listen to this episode, where I explore how I experienced shame around pleasure at a very young age. Plus, how to find the reframe your experience around sexuality, sensuality, and pleasure.WANT TO KNOW THE REAL STORY?If you want in on the story behind the story, support the podcast on Patreon for access to #AskMeAnything sessions! It's your opportunity to dive deeper into this topic with our community and ask whatever (literally) you want to know more about. Or, buy our team an ice cream by making a donation here. Thank you for your support!ARE YOU ENJOYING THE PODCAST?If so, I'd love your review on Apple Podcasts! It helps our message get in front of more people. And the best part? It only takes a minute:Step 1: Go to https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id1554330617Step 2: Click “View on Apple Podcasts”Step 3: Click “Ratings and Reviews”Step 4: Click to rate and leave a short review!Bonus step: Subscribe if you're not already to get notified when an episode drops every Tuesday!A huge thank you for listening to the show and sharing it with your tribe. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Today we talked to Dr. Ashley Fuller to discuss Low Libido and Sexual Dysfunction. We covered how to screen patients for sexual dysfunction including how to approach the topic with patients, describe how to approach the common concern of low libido from a practical and evidence-based perspective, manage a treatment plan for hypoactive sexual desire disorder, and apply key principles to be a resource for women struggling with sexual dysfunction. See below resources discussed during the talk! Resources Books A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex by Laurie B. Mintz, PhD Becoming Cliterate by Laurie B. Mintz, PhD Girls & Sex: Navigating the complicated new landscape by Peggy Orenstein Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity by Peggy Orenstein Websites The North American Menopause Society: journals, resources, seminars, and patient resources Gennev: Empowering women to take control of their health in the second half of life starting with menopause International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health Sexual Wellness Lelo: Sona Cruise Clitoral sonic stimulator Womanizer: Womanizer Premium Suction clitoral massager Dipsea: audio stories that spark your imagination and get you in the mood Rosy: Sexual Wellness (Solutions) Woman Deserve (also an app) Omgyes.com: honest, practical resource about women's pleasure.

Today's conversation started with noticing how often women from Christian background find themselves disconnected from their bodies, desire, turn-on and pleasure. We talk about how this disconnection brings about difficulty identifying consent within oneself and makes it confusing to figure out if you're doing something for someone else more than for yourself. Finally, we offer our best practices for getting in touch with your turn-on. While this episode uses primarily language referring to women, what we talk about can be relevant to people of any gender. Lurie mentions the book Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by Peggy Orenstein. You can buy that here: https://www.brooklinebooksmith.com/book/9780062209740 As always, we talk about sensitive topics so be mindful of who's nearby if you're listening without headphones. Want to connect with us more? You can find us on Instagram @sexpositivechristianfeminists; @luriekimmerle; and @rachel.alba.coaching. Have any comments, questions, or ideas for future episodes? Contact us at: spchristianfeminists at gmail dot com.

The first of a critical two-part discussion, this episode focuses on Ming Peiffer’s Usual Girls. The play premiered in 2018 at Roundabout Underground for an extended, sold-out run. Catalyzed by the allegations against American Apparel’s Dov Charney, playwright Peiffer began to investigate the stories of women and the milestones in the sexual maturation of girls in America that can lead to a fraught and vulnerable relationship to one’s own sexuality. Peiffer put the patriarchy, rape culture, sexism, misogyny, and racism on trial in her professional debut work. What does healthy sexual development look like? How can femmes claim (or reclaim) their own sexuality? Is it possible to shed the culturally imposed shame and guilt and adopt an outlook of pleasure? What should effective sex education teach and when? What sexual stereotypes do we impose upon different communities, be it Black, Latinx, Asian, and how do we counter them? What are the consequences of teaching abstinence-only, medically inaccurate, or emotionally devoid sex ed? Peiffer, host Ruthie Fierberg, and experts Dr. Tracie Gilbert, a sex educator, writer, researcher, and consultant with over 25 years experience, specializing in work with Black communities; Professor Lisa Speidel, assistant professor and general faculty in the Gender and Sexuality department at the University of Virginia, and editor of The Edge of Sex; Professor Celine Parrenas Shimizu, Director of the School of Cinema, member of the graduate faculty of Sexuality Studies at San Francisco State University, filmmaker, and author; and Justine Ang Fonte, a disruptor in health education and Director of Health and Wellness at an NYC K-12 school, gather to discuss everything from pleasure to self-discovery, recovering from violence to self-defense and all the coming-of-age in between. Referred to in this episode Kinsey Institute What is a “comfort woman”? Who gets the most right-swipes on dating apps? Sexual stereotypes of Black communities and Asian communities Lesson Plan: How to teach accurate reproductive anatomy and physiology to kids Only 15 of 50 states required to be medically accurate; and other sex ed laws What is rape culture? As explained by Marshall University or Buzzfeed Children’s Book: Sex is a Funny Word Music video: WAP Create the change Check out K-12 sex education resources from Advocates for Youth How to teach consent to kids at every age Explore your own pleasure at stores geared towards female pleasure like Babeland or The Smitten Kitten Watch Justine Fonte’s “Story” Read Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are Read Celine Parrenas Shimizu’s The Hypersexuality of Race: Performing Asian American Women on Screen and Scene Read Shimizu’s The Feminist Porn Book: The Politics of Producing Pleasure Read Lisa Spiedel’s The Edge of Sex: Navigating aa Sexually Confusing Culture From the Margins  Why We Theater is a product of part of the Broadway Podcast Network, edited by Derek Gunther, and produced by Alan Seales.  Follow us @whywetheater on Instagram & Twitter. Our theme music is by Benjamin Velez. Hear more at BenjaminVelez.com. Our logo is by Christina Minopoli. See more at MinopoliDesign.com. Special thanks to Genesis Johnson, Dori Berinstein, Leigh Silverman, Patrick Taylor, Tony Montenieri, Elena Mayer, Wesley Birdsall, and Suzanne Chipkin. Connect with Ruthie! RuthieFierberg.com Instagram: @ruthiefierceberg Twitter: @RuthiesATrain Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tune in for another episode of this sexy book club! Cami, and her friend Braxton Dutson of the Birds and Bees Podcast, discuss Girls and Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by Peggy Orenstein. This book is an important view into current hook-up culture and it's far-reaching effects on young girls. Next Month: Boys and Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity by Peggy Orenstein

Author Peggy Orenstein is back on the show with her instant New York Times Bestseller, Boys and Sex. Tune in to hear insights from her conversations with over 100 boys from high school to college across the U.S. We discuss why parents aren’t talking to their boys about sex and intimacy even though they really want the space to explore, to be vulnerable, and to figure it out, not just absorb the cultural narrative about masculinity that was created for them. We chat about how this conversation gap, especially between boys and dads, can harm today’s boys and girls in the context of consent, hookup culture, and forming intimate relationships with partners. Don’t miss Peggy’s first appearance on Body Kindness when we discussed Girls and Sex in a conversation about intimate justice - Episode 31: Intimate Justice with Bestselling Author Peggy Orenstein, Girls and Sex. --- About PeggyPeggy Orenstein is the New York Times bestselling author of Girls & Sex, Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Waiting for Daisy, Flux, and Schoolgirls. A contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine and AFAR magazine, she has been published in The Washington Post, Slate, New York Times, The Atlantic, and The New Yorker, among other publications, and has contributed commentary to NPR's All Things Considered. She lives in Northern California with her husband and daughter. Website | Twitter | Facebook | Peggy's new book, Boys and Sex --- Get the Body Kindness book It's available wherever books and audiobooks are sold. Read reviews on Amazon and pick up your copy today! Order signed copies and bulk discounts here! --- Donate to support the show Thanks to our generous supporters! We're working toward our goal to fund the full season. Can you donate? Please visit our Go Fund Me page. --- Get started with Body Kindness Sign up to get started for free and stay up to date on the latest offerings --- Become a client Check out BodyKindnessBook.com/breakthrough for the latest groups and individual support sessions --- Subscribe to the podcastWe're on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify and iHeartRadio. Enjoy the show? Please rate it on iTunes! Have a show idea or guest recommendation? E-mail podcast@bodykindnessbook.com to get in touch. --- Join the Facebook groupContinue the episode conversations with the hosts, guests, and fellow listeners on the Body Kindness Facebook group. See you there! Nothing in this podcast is meant to provide medical diagnosis, treatment, cure, or prevent any disease or condition. Individuals should consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical advice and answers to personal health questions.

Rachel and Janis explore some of the history of sex negativity and introduce the Circles of Sexuality. **Rachel made a mistake when she was speaking about the Victorian Era coming from England... she mistakenly shared that there was a reciprocal relationship with the UK, she meant the US. Resources: Circles of Sexuality 19th Century Sexual Mores Jugum Penis Sex Tips for Husbands and Wives Pornography and Prostitution Theresa Berkley Slutist Tarot Deck GEMS - Girls Education & Mentoring Services Very Young Girls - Documentary Hysteria - Rachel Maines got it wrong Dr. Zelaika Hepworth Clarke - Decolonizing Sexuality Bianca Laureano - Women of Color Sexual Health Network Margaret Atwood Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture GLSEN - No Promo Homo Laws Abstinence-Only Sex Education FOSTA-SESTA, Vox FOSTA-SESTA Toxic masculinity as a health issue Q to Audience: If you grew up with more information about sexuality, how would your social and sexual interactions be different? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/sexistentialu/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/sexistentialu/support

Seattle's own Dr. Tina Shermer Sellers (psychologist and sex therapist) joins Dan for a fascinating conversation about what is known as Purity Culture, that near-ubiquitous set of sexual-moral claims and practices that ruled the Evangelical zeitgeist in the 80s, 90s and 00s, and is still today probably the default sexual understanding of most American Protestants. But is that understanding Biblical? Does it accord well with what we are learning through science? Why did it come to such prominence? Does having premarital sex really take away "a piece of you" every time you do it, and what's with the double standards for boys and girls? We get into it all, including a bunch of interesting listener questions. Later, Dan answers a patron question: "What is the Gospel, and how do you evangelize?" (1:30:00) SEXUAL SHAME is a visceral feeling of humiliation and disgust toward one's own body and identity as a sexual being and a belief of being abnormal inferior and unworthy. This feeling can be internalized but also manifests in interpersonal relationships having a negative impact on trust communication and physical and emotional intimacy sexual shame develops across the lifespan in interactions with interpersonal relationships one's culture and society and subsequent critical self appraisal. there is also a fear and uncertainty related to one's power or right to make decisions including safety decisions related to sexual encounters along with an internalized judgment toward one's own sexual desire. Vow of Onah: http://tinaschermersellers.com/2011/02/12/the-vow-of-onah-and-other-jewish-attitudes-about-sex/ Bible For Normal People purity culture episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-82-linda-kay-klein-breaking-free-from-purity/id1215420422?i=1000434395466 Sex, Mom and God: https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/sex-mom-and-god-how-the-bibles-strange-take-on-sex-led-to-crazy-politics--and-how-i-learned-to-love-women-and-jesus-anyway_frank-schaeffer/369821/#isbn=0306819287&idiq=4395577 Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape: https://www.amazon.com/Girls-Sex-Navigating-Complicated-Landscape/dp/0062209744 80% of abstinence-only curricula contain serious erroneous information: https://rockthrower.blogs.com/rockthrower/files/20041201102153-50247.pdf http://tinaschermersellers.com/ Thankgodforsex.org Nwioi.com - Northwest Institute on Intimacy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drtinashamelesssex/ Twitter: @tinassellers Edited by Scott Cangemi Join the Patreon for bonus episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch YHP Patron-only FB group: https://tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: youhavepermissionpod.com Join Dan's email list: dankochwords.com Artwork by http://sprungle.co/

Award-winning journalist and feminist icon Peggy Orenstein is a leading voice in the national conversations around gender norms and expectations. Her influential exposés include Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture (2011) and Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape (2016). Orenstein has also penned a bestselling […]

Award-winning journalist and feminist icon Peggy Orenstein is a leading voice in the national conversations around gender norms and expectations. Her influential exposés include Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture (2011) and Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape (2016). Orenstein has also penned a bestselling and candid memoir about her […]

Kerri Miller moderates a lively and candid discussion with a live audience and award-winning writer Peggy Orenstein. Her newest book is titled, “Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.”

Kerri Miller moderates a lively and candid discussion with a live audience and award-winning writer Peggy Orenstein. Her newest book is titled, “Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.”

In today's world, women are graduating from college at higher rates than men and closing the wage gap. Yet despite all these great things, many women report a dissatisfaction with the more intimate aspects of their lives. Peggy Orenstein author of Girls and Sex, Navigating the Complicated New Landscape stops in to discuss the pathos behind the modern women's sex drive.

Today's guest host is Dan Savage, from the Savage Lovecast. Dan is the internationally syndicated columnist of “Savage Love” and the author of several books. With his husband Terry Miller, he cofounded the It Gets Better project and edited the It Gets Better collection. On The Gist, Dan talks to author Peggy Orenstein about the lack of sexual education for young women and how book tours can change the writing process. Orenstein is the author of Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape. In the Spiel: the clueless conservatism of the Nashville Statement. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's guest host is Dan Savage, from the Savage Lovecast and the Savage Love column. Dan talks to author Peggy Orenstein about the lack of sexual education for young women and how book tours can change the writing process. Orenstein is the author of Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape. In the Spiel: the clueless conservatism of the Nashville Statement. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Peggy Orenstein is the author of The New York Times best-sellers Girls & Sex, Cinderella Ate My Daughter and Waiting for Daisy as well as Flux: Women on Sex, Work, Kids, Love and Life in a Half-Changed World and the classic, School Girls: Young Women, Self-Esteem and the Confidence Gap. A contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine, Peggy has also written for such publications as The Los Angeles Times, Vogue, Elle, Time, Mother Jones, Slate, O: The Oprah Magazine, and The New Yorker, and has contributed commentaries to NPR’s All Things Considered and the PBS Newshour Her articles have been anthologized multiple times, including in The Best American Science Writing. She has been a keynote speaker at numerous colleges and conferences and has been featured on, among other programs, Nightline, CBS This Morning, The Today Show, NPR’s Fresh Air and Morning Edition and CBC’s As It Happens. In 2012, The Columbia Journalism Review named Peggy one of its “40 women who changed the media business in the past 40 years.” She has been recognized for her Outstanding Coverage of Family Diversity, by the Council on Contemporary Families and received a Books For A Better Life Award for Waiting for Daisy. Her work has also been honored by the Commonwealth Club of California, the National Women’s Political Caucus of California and Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Additionally, she has been awarded fellowships from the United States-Japan Foundation and the Asian Cultural Council. - See more at: http://kboo.fm/media/56419-girls-and-sex-interview-peggy-orenstein#sthash.Lw8U4ooH.dpuf

Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Today we are talking about how to talk to children about sex.  So many parents become anxious when the subject of sex comes up in relation to their children. It can feel incredibly awkward to try to explain to your child all aspects of the birds and the bees. How do you know what it is appropriate to say when?  If you leave it to the school to teach your child, how can you make sure that your child is learning all the facts that are important to you? Are your children learning from watching pornography?  In online chat rooms? On Snapchat? From other children whose knowledge is questionable?  The best place for your children to learn about sex is at home. There are a variety of ways to teach your children about sex – from sitting them down and having ‘the talk’ and then being available for further talks to having a trusted blood or chosen family memberhave ‘the talk’ with them through to giving them age appropriate books, comics and videos and then answering questions.    Children who learn about sex from the internet are at a higher risk of abuse or harassment. They are also under far more pressure to engage in a wide range of sexual activities far earlier. They have no way of filtering what they are seeing. Many of them are confused about the conflicting information they find.  Peggy Orenstein published a book called Girls and Sex Navigating the Complicated Landscape. She interviewed 17 to 23 year olds about all aspects of sex. She reports that fully half the girls she interviewed experienced along the spectrum of coercion to rape. She highlighted the fact that girls still don’t talk about pleasure in relation to sex but rather talk about the pleasure they give to others. The girls she interviewed watched pornography to figure out how to act as they have so few trusted sources of information.  Teenage pregnancy in the UK in 1998 was the highest in Europe. It has now dropped to the lowest level it has been at since 1961 when they first started keeping statistics.  And yet it is still the highest teen pregnancy and abortion rates in Western Europe as of 2010. This drop is the result of a clear strategy aimed at making sure that teenagers have the information they need achieve sexual health. Despite all of this great work, it still remains too high. 40,000 young women still become pregnant each year. Education at school is helpful.  Education through family doctors/ general practitioners is helpful.  Sexual health clinics for young people are essential. But none of this takes the place of education and a supportive environment at home.  Sexually transmitted infections are highest in the under 25 year old group.   Information is patchy with many young people having inadequate knowledge to be able to prevent transmission of infections. School based sexual education doesn’t always include topics like sexual orientation, gender and consent.  Suicide is the second leading cause of death between young people age 10 to 24. The rate is 4 times higher in LGBT youth and twice as high in youth who are questioning their identities. The figures rise further when these youth are in homes that are rejecting. Metro asked 7000 LGBT 24 year olds across the UK about their experiences. 42% had sought medical help for anxiety or depression. 44% have thought about suicide.  If your kids can talk about their feelings and discuss their attractions no matter what gender they are attracted to, it is less likely that they will develop depression. If they are taught that all sexual orientations are valid and reassured that they are valued and have a safe place to bring feelings and questions, suicide and self-harm rates decrease. So as a parent where do you start? I recommend learning about normal sexual development. Once you have a good understanding of what a child feels and thinks at different stages, you will find it easier to figure out how to approach the child at each stage. I now present a quick tour through sexual development. We are sexual beings from birth.  From birth to 18 months a child learns to feel negatively or positively towards his body. Through nurturing touch they learn to value themselves, they learn what it means to be loved.     Research suggests that between birth and 18 months a baby begins to identify as either male or female. From birth to 18 months, children discover their genitals and will touch themselves for pleasure. They do not masturbate to orgasm at this age.  Though you are not providing formal sexual education at this stage it is essential to remember that the child’s feelings about their own body are strongly influenced by how adults respond to masturbation. If parents express upset or disgust, this will impact upon the child’s view of himself as well. He will see himself as disgusting. Children touch themselves because it feels good and they will often do so when they are stressed because it relieves stress.   The most important thing you can do at this stage is not react with negativity, rejection or disgust. 18 months – 3 years old. Children learn the names for body parts at this stage. The most important sexual education you can provide as a parent here is giving them appropriate names for the sexual parts of the body. Often times children are not taught names for their genitals and when they are given names, they are usually silly names. If parents leave out names for genitals, the message they are giving the children is that these parts are unmentionable – or there is something hidden or wrong with them. When we give children silly names for genitals we further the message that these are unmentionable parts. If you want to normalise sex and sexuality for your child you start by giving him appropriate words to talk about his body.  At three children start to notice the difference between men and women; boys and girls. Girls can worry that boys have something (a penis) and they have nothing. You can tell a girl that she has a vagina and that it is harder to see than the penis because it is tucked in. You can tell her she has a vulva.  At three children should be taught that their bodies belong to themselves and that they can say no to unwanted touch.  You must start teaching them to trust their own sense of what is wanted and unwanted touch. From 3 to 5 years old, children become more curious about their bodies and the bodies of others. They want to follow parents into the bathroom and may even want to touch their genitals. Though this is normal behaviour children need to learn about privacy and modesty at this time. The standards you choose will be individual to your family and your culture. Between 3 and 5 is when children often first ask where did I come from. This is best answered honestly. There are lots of stories parents make up (like the stork delivered the baby). These are not helpful. When the child asks, first make it clear that you are happy to talk about this. So saying something like ‘That’s a good question’. Next you need to get an idea of what they are asking.  You could say ‘Can you guess?’ or ‘What do you know about that?’. Some children are looking for a very simple answer and others want more details. Make sure that you are clear about the messages you are giving along with your answer. For example, you want your child to be comfortable asking you anything. You want your child to know that it is good to be curious. You want your child to know that there is nothing secret or forbidden or naughty about sex and procreation. There are a variety of books aimed at this age group that you can read to your children that use age appropriate language. Or you can use them as a resource so that you find your own language to answer the questions. At this age, they have no notion of adult sexuality so there is no need to give them the nitty gritty details. You can talk about sperm and egg without talking about daddy putting his penis in mummy’s vagina. Very bright children might keep asking questions until you give them more details. In that case, you can tell them more making sure to keep things straightforward. Children who have been born as a result of fertility treatments or using a surrogate should be told in simple terms how they came to be.  Between ages 3 an 5 is when children begin to explore each other’s genitals, play at sex with dolls and with stuffed animals. Children may play ‘doctor’ or ‘house’. This is normal and another way for them to find out about their own bodies and the bodies of others.  There is no eroticism to this play. It is based purely on curiosity. I’m going to say that again: This is about curiosity. It is NOT sexualised behaviour. It is extremely important that adults don’t over react to this type of normal behaviour as doing so will send extremely negative messages to the child about sexuality.  Even though it is normal for your child to engage in this type of exploration, it doesn’t mean you need to allow it to happen all the time.  If you were to walk in on your five year old son his four year old friend naked in the bathroom looking at each other’s genitals, you can gently distract the children by saying ‘I see you are both interested in looking at each other’s bodies. It is good to be interested but let’s find something else to do now.’ and then tell them to get dressed in a pleasant voice. You should let the parents of the other child know about the incident so that they don’t think you have been concealing something and they don’t make more out of it than it is. Have a talk with your son and tell him that it’s good to be curious but he should bring questions to you.  You might want to use an age appropriate book about bodies and sex to sate his curiosity. Most important is not to panic when you see this normal behaviour. There are behaviours that are not normal.  If your children are trying to actually have sex (a boy trying to insert his penis into another child’s mouth, vagina or anus) this needs investigating.  Panicking won’t help. A calm conversation with the children as to where they saw or learned these activities is the place to start. Sexual development from 5 to 6 years old Children at this age are creative and imaginative. Let’s pretend is often the preferred type of play. They also try to figure things out for themselves by listening to the adults and attempting logic to understand things that perplex them. The combination of these two things (imagination and trying to figure things out for themselves) can lead to some really strange misunderstandings about the body and how it works.  So it is important to give children clear and straightforward information about bodies and bodily functions. At this age, many children are clear about gender identity already and will often imitate the parent of the gender they identify as. Some children are more fluid in their gender identity. No issue should be made about this fluidity. Sometimes children will play out stereotyped gender roles despite parents’ best efforts not to present stereotypical roles.  Part of this is because at this age children see things as black and white and cannot really process shades of grey and the rest highlights what they are seeing in environments outside the home, in the wider culture and in the media they are exposed to. At this age, it is really important to children to be able to see that their family is a ‘good’ family. If they come from a non-traditional family, they may have concerns that there is something wrong with their family or they may tell other children from more traditional family that there is something wrong with their families. I remember a child from a family I was working with being told by a friend in school that all families have a mummy and a daddy and she replied ‘Not true. Some families have two daddies and no mummy’. Another child told a friend that all families had to have a mummy because ‘you can’t have a baby without a uterus’.  At this age masturbation is very common though children are still not masturbating to orgasm as a rule. Giving children negative messages about masturbation increases the likelihood of sexual problems later in life. Children in this age group should already know that masturbation is something done in private.  Sexual development from 6 – 9 years old This is the time when children have developed enough cognitively so that they can understand the basic facts about pregnancy, sex and birth. Even so, they don’t understand the erotic part of sexuality or the emotional bits. Even when they understand the process, they may not believe their parents have had sex or may believe they have had sex only as many times as the number of children they have.  Normality becomes important at this age and most children will try to conform to their peers. It is important that they are exposed to gender roles that are not stereotypical at this point so that they are able to see these as normal as well (which they are). Their understanding of and feelings about gender become more complex at this point. This is the time of sexual jokes and potty humour. Sex play continues as does masturbation. Questions are more complex and it is important to give them more details but to recognise that they don’t understand the emotional and erotic content.   Puberty can start at 8 or 9 for some girls. They need age appropriate information about the changes their bodies are going through. This initial information is best given to them by their mum or a female relative.  In lots of cultures, the arrival of menstruation is both a sad event and something to be celebrated. Most girls would prefer not to have this event broadcast to family and friends.     Sexual development from 9-14 years old For most children, puberty begins during this time.  It is at this time that it is essential your children have good information about the changes their bodies are going through, sex and relationships. Average age for puberty to begin for girls between 8 and 13, for boys between 10 and 15.  It takes between 3 and 5 years to progress through puberty.    There is huge variation as to when puberty begins and when it ends so it’s hard to know if you are normal. This is an issue that causes kids in this age range lots of stress.  The idea that talking to kids about sex, gender, sexual orientation, birth control and sexually transmitted diseases will encourage more sex is completely wrong. The only thing not telling kids what they need to know to be responsible and protect themselves accomplishes is higher rates of STDs and higher rates of unwanted/unplanned pregnancy. Children in this age group need to know that everyone develops differently and that they will get through puberty.    Biggest anxieties: For boys: penis size, height, unwanted erections For girls: breast size, sudden periods, mood swings.  Body image becomes an even bigger issue during this time when children compare their developing bodies with the bodies of models, actors, and other famous people. They pore over magazines that tell them how they should look and what they can do if they don’t have the ideal body.  Despite how much it embarrasses them, you need to bring up the subject of sex with your teen and make sure that they have accurate unbiased information.  Most teens prefer this talk to be done by the same sex parent but sometimes the preference is the opposite sex parent (if there is one).  This is the point at which children will masturbate to orgasm. The message you give your child about this can have a big impact upon self-esteem and sexual relationships then and later in life. Take care not to shame or humiliate your child by drawing attention. Make sure to knock and wait for an answer before entering a room.  Sexual orientation can become more of an issue at this stage.  Answer questions in an honest and straight forward manner so that your child can feel secure in their orientation. It is good for children this age to be exposed to role models of all orientations so that they can see that there are homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual people who are well adjusted and in happy relationships. If you don’t feel confident about giving this type of positive message,  you should find someone else to help you with this part of your child’s sex education and make sure that you are not telling your child that there is something wrong with them if they are bisexual or homosexual.  This is the time to start talking to your children about consent in relationships.  The cup of tea video has been done in clean versions (with no swearing) and not so clean versions and is an easily understood straight forward analogy that brings humour into the discussion. Your children need to learn that consent is more complex than just asking someone quickly if they want to be involved in a sexual activity and that consent can be withdrawn at any time and if it is, the person needs to stop what they are doing rather than pressuring the person who has said no.  This is also the time when you may find your child has been accessing pornography on the internet. If you have not been monitoring their access (and discussing the things they are accessing with them) up to this point, you need to do so now.   Not so that you can shame them or punish them for their viewing but so that you know what messages they are being given and you can make sure to give them healthy messages.   Sexual development 14 years – 18 years This is the time your children will need to learn a deeper understanding of consent, sexual orientation and relationships. Kids in this age group are notoriously impulsive so it is essential that they have easily accessed information on STD’s and birth control and that they know parents will answer any questions in a non-judgemental way. You need to be clear when you speak with them about these issues and help them to learn to think through sexual behaviour and relationships prior to acting. Teen agers have the same drives towards different types of sexual behaviour (like kinky behaviour) as adults. They don’t need to see or be taught about dominance and submission to feel a desire to be controlled or ‘forced’ or to be in control. If you avoid talking about these topics, you run the risk that the information they get will be from fiction (pornography primarily) where the actors are portraying fantasy not reality. If they imitate the fiction they see, they can find themselves in relationships where they are being disrespectful to their partner (or disrespected by their partner), injured (or doing the injuring) or at risk from adults who prey on adolescents and young adults. They need good non-judgemental information in order to protect themselves and make good choices. Rejection is one of the more upsetting experiences that most teens will have and they may need help to deal with it in an appropriate way. They need to learn to take responsibility for their choices.Sexting, taking erotic movies and pictures and placing them on social media all become issues during this time. They need to be helped to consider the long term implications of their choices. Pressure to have sex before they are emotionally ready is another feature of this time period. Teens need support to be able to stand up for themselves and wait until they feel ready. Parents can facilitate teens learning the difference between biological sex roles and the gender roles that are socially assigned.  Teens need to be taught about sexual pleasure and that it is a joy in life. This is one of the areas parents find the hardest to address. Straight language without personal examples is the best way to talk about this. For example, you can tell your teenager that sex is supposed to feel good and be fun for both participants and that talking about sex with your partner before having it. They need to be told that fantasies are normal and that just because you have a fantasy doesn’t mean you need to act it out or even that you want to act it out.  Sometimes this area is easier for a teen to address with another trusted adult rather than a parent.  Make sure your teen knows that you are happy for them to talk to these named adults about sexual issues and encourage them to talk about pleasure, fantasies and any concerns about normality. Thanks for joining me this week for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter @drbisbey. For a free 30 minute strategy session with me, go to www.the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now!  I look forward to seeing you next week    

Peggy Orenstein is a New York Times best-selling author who has carved out a niche writing about girlhood and womanhood in a changing world. Her newest book is Girls and Sex: Navigating a Complicated New Landscape. The book draws on dozens of interviews with young women to render a portrait of the new realities girls face in our modern technologically-driven world. Peggy visited the J-school for our annual Narrative Journalism Conference, and sat down to talk with our own Deirdre English, continuing lecturer and former editor of Mother Jones Magazine.

It’s finally here! The first ever Reading Women Awards! We are thrilled to announce the winners in two categories: nonfiction and fiction. But first! The runners-up. Nonfiction Runner-up: Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by Peggy Orenstein Fiction Runner-up: The Mothers by Brit Bennett And the winners are: Nonfiction Winner: All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation by Rebecca Traister Fiction Winner: Shelter by Jung Yun If you would like one of our Reading Women Award seals for your copies of All the Single Ladies and Shelter, email us at hello@readingwomenpodcast.com. See full Show Notes at readingwomenpodcast.com Find us on Twitter, Instagram, and Litsy @thereadingwomen Music: "Stickybee" by Josh Woodard Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’d like to read more about the issues that Jane and Ashley talked about on this podcast, here’s some great links for you: Yana Tallon-Hicks is a terrific sexuality educator and you can learn more about her and see her amazing TED Talk at http://yanatallonhicks.com/ Al Vernaccio’s book is called For Goodness Sake and you can find it here https://alvernacchio.com/for-goodness-sex/ Peggy Orenstein’s book is called Girls and Sex: Navigating the New Landscape and you can find it here https://www.facebook.com/peggyorenstein/ Emily Nagoski’s book is called Come As Your Are and you can find out much more at http://www.thedirtynormal.com/books/ Stay curious!

Lori talks with Peggy Orenstein about her latest research, detailed in the book Girls and Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape. Orenstein is the New York Times bestselling author of Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Waiting for Daisy, Flux, and Schoolgirls. A contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine, she has been published in USA Today, Parenting, Salon, the New Yorker, and other publications, and has contributed commentary NPR’s All Things Considered. She lives in Northern California with her husband and daughter. 

  A woman loves sexting with strangers she meets online. But she has no desire to meet in person. How and when should she let her fellas know this about her? What happens when homophobic parents never come around? Dan speaks with writer Aaron Hartzler, author of “Rapture Practice,” about coming out to intractable family.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with Peggy Orenstein, author of “Cinderella Ate My Daughter” and “Girls and Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape” about the distorted expectations women face the in the bedroom. 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Audible. Get a free 30-day trial at This episode is also brought to you by - the wine club that helps you to choose wine that suits your taste and ships it right to your door. For 50% off your first order, go to ClubW.com/savage.    Today's episode is also brought to you by , the delivery service that sends you fresh ingredients and incredible recipes so you can make fabulous meals at home. Check out this week's menu and get your first 2 meals free by going to .

  A woman loves sexting with strangers she meets online. But she has no desire to meet in person. How and when should she let her fellas know this about her? What happens when homophobic parents never come around? Dan speaks with writer Aaron Hartzler, author of “Rapture Practice,” about coming out to intractable family.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with Peggy Orenstein, author of “Cinderella Ate My Daughter” and “Girls and Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape” about the distorted expectations women face the in the bedroom. 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Audible. Get a free 30-day trial at This episode is also brought to you by - the wine club that helps you to choose wine that suits your taste and ships it right to your door. For 50% off your first order, go to ClubW.com/savage.    Today's episode is also brought to you by , the delivery service that sends you fresh ingredients and incredible recipes so you can make fabulous meals at home. Check out this week's menu and get your first 2 meals free by going to .

Message from Matt Sweetman on October 31, 2010