HARKpodcast

What makes someone goth? Is it wearing lots of black eyeliner? Or is it spending a lot of time thinking about what a good ghost you'd be? Hopefully it's both, because we're recognizing World Goth Day by listening to two versions of eyeliner-loving Finnish band Hanoi Rocks's "Dead By X-Mas". First we tackle the 1980s original, and then hear the '00s update by Sohodolls. A content note: self-harm and abuse are talked about in this episode. It would be difficult to discuss this song without doing so! The ranking music in this episode is "Things Fall Apart" by Cristina. Thank you to CJ for requesting the Sohodolls cover of "Dead By X-Mas"!

In honour of World Migratory Bird Day, we're listening to two songs about birds! And also, Christmas! "The Gift" by Garth Brooks definitely has a bird in it, but beyond that, offers more questions than answers. "Christmas is For the Birds" by Conway Twitty and, uh, "His Little Friends", has a decent amount of answers, and a decent amount of birds, but a distressingly low amount of Conway Twitty. The ranking music in this episode is "The Christmas Song" as performed by Big Bird and the Swedish Chef. Also, here's a link to an image of a masked lapwing.

As May approaches, we're celebrating... May, I guess? May. Christmas songs that mention May? Yes. And no, not "May your days be merry and bright". We're talking MONTH OF MAY ONLY. First up (appropriately enough) is "First of May" by The Bee Gees. Then we hear the endearingly baffling "When Was Jesus Born?" by Lil Gee (no relation). The ranking music in this episode is "First of May" by Jonathan Coulton.

It's that time of year again! And for this rare holiday equinox which sees Easter, Passover, and 4/20 overlapping, we endeavor to cover some weed-tacular winter holiday songs with more of a religious connection than in previous years. We find great joy in the sincere silliness of "Little Dealer Boy" performed by Willie Nelson and Stephen Colbert. Then, unfortunately, we really fucked up by listening to "Angels We Have Heard on High" by a band that we're not even going to mention by name here because we don't need that kind of heat. Suffice to say, they are definitey, definitely not Rastafarian, even if their t-shirt that says "Not a Rasta" in green, yellow, and red letters with a big lion winking on it is raising a lot of questions answered by the shirt. (Note: there's also another artist featured on the song who we confused for a member of the band because she isn't credited well on the youtube video, so we're just going to go ahead and leave her out of this too.) We would like to formally apologize for our failure. We promise next year to properly blaze it and keep the vibes chill and tight. The ranking music in this episode is "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy" performed by Bing Crosby and David Bowie.

Blobby blobby blobby blobby! Blobby blobby? ...Blobby. Blobby blobby blobby! ...Nah, just kidding. But we did listen to "Christmas in Blobbyland" by Mr. Blobby and friends, followed by "Cheeky Christmas" by the Cheeky Girls. See ya at Nandos, I guess! The ranking music in this episode is "Brodyquest" by Neil Cicerega. Thank you to Liam for these requests!

Let's get existential up in here!!! In this episode, we discuss two bummer songs beautifully delivered: "Christmas Eve Can Kill You" by the Everly Brothers, followed by "Christmas Will Break Your Heart" by LCD Soundsystem. The ranking music in this episode is "Daft Punk Is Playing At My House" by LCD Soundsystem.

International Women's Day is right around the corner, and in this episode, women are taking the mic! Uh, a few women, anyway. Performing a pretty specific sub-category of songs. And they are all from the same one country. Regardless!! First, by request, we listen to "Merry Christmas Everybody", a cover of Slade's Christmas hit performed by Sohodolls. We pair it with another woman vocalist covering another UK Christmas #1 song, "Merry Christmas Everyone" performed by Rae Morris and Lucy Rose. The ranking music in this episode is "Punk Rock Christmas" as performed by Majorettes. Thank you to CJ for requesting "Merry Christmas Everybody" by Sohodolls!

Valentine's Day is almost here, and we're celebrating! Uh, sort of? Most importantly, the songs are good. They're decent. Give them a chance. In fact, "Christmas Baby" by Infinity Song is practically begging to be given a chance, for better or worse. If second chances (or lack thereof) are more your thing, try our next selection, "We Should Be Together" by Rosie Thomas and Sufjan Stevens. This is a simple theme! It's romance songs!! Simple!!! The ranking music in this episode is "We Belong Together" by Mariah Carey.

As Groundhog Day approaches, we recognize the cultural association of the holiday with the concept of repetition and take some repeat requester's requests! The two songs suggested by longtime listener Liam present us with two distinct flavours -- though both are very much of the year 2020, and both come to us from Scottish artists. "Humans Are Not Worth Saving" by Michael M is a catchy little pop-punk ditty about immortal zombie Santa having an existential crisis (like you do). On a completely different emotional wavelength, "(I Wish You) Peace In Your Heart" by Blue Rose Code featuring Karine Polwart is a heartfelt gift offering solace in hard times. The ranking music in this episode is "Maybe This Christmas" by Ron Sexsmith. Thank you to Liam for these requests! 

I don't want to mislead you. We don't actually have any Dragonball Z related holiday hip-hop songs to cover. Sorry. To be clear: we're very, very open to theming an annual celebration around them if you find any! For now, all we have is "Grinch" by Jae Wes, followed by "Grinch Rap (Santa Diss)" by Ess. The ranking music in this episode is, of course, "Grinch 2000" by Jim Carrey and Busta Rhymes.

It's our first annual, definitely real and permanent, mark-it-on-your-calendar-for-January-2026 feature: Danuary, a celebration of singer-songwriter Dan Wilson! You might know him (and love him) from his band Semisonic (FYI, all of Feeling Strangely Fine slaps, not just "Closing Time", and you should revisit it), but did you know he's written lots of songs for other artists? Learn this and more in this inaugural Danuary episode!! To kick off Danuary, we review "Holiday (What Do You Want?)" performed by Mike Doughty and Rosanne Cash (but written by Dan Wilson, of course), followed by "What a Year for a New Year" by (who else???) Dan Wilson. The ranking music in this episode is "Busting Up a Starbucks" by Mike Doughty.

Our 2024 milestone episode is here! Aiming to hit the highest of holiday highs, Ian tries to select something dear to Jam's heart, but may have miscalculated. Looking for the worst of the worst, Jam does a bad music cram-session and comes up with something properly bad but also slightly inscrutable. The ranking music in this episode is "Together At Christmas" performed by Kermit the Frog and the cast of The Christmas Toy.

It's almost Saint Nicholas Day, which means it's almost our anniversary, which means it's almost Krampusnacht! We're celebrating with two songs about Krampus. More specifically, we're celebrating with two songs about being a horny little freak for Krampus. Sometimes that's just how episode themes shake out, you know? First up is the campy parody "Krampus Daddy" by Jinkx Monsoon, followed by the cheerfully kinky "Krampus" by Golden Idols. The ranking song in this episode is "Holiday Freak Shit" by Mila J.

With just a few short weeks until the winter holidays hit, Jam and Ian forgo Christmas music to instead ponder some questions posed by the most existential of winter symbols: snowpeople. Instead of reminding us of the inevibility of death, these snow-person songs ask us to ponder why we project our own cultural hegemonic order onto three balls of snow with some sticks in them. That's the theme! Cultural hegemony vis-a-vis snowmen!! First up is "Hanukkah Snowman" by folk-punk artist Phranc, followed by "Snow People" by The Okee Dokee Brothers. Does Jam, for not the first time on the podcast, spend an extraordinary amount of the episode talking about the weird sequel to the Rankin-Bass Frosty the Snowman in which he gets married and also The Bible brings a snowparson to life? Guess, buddy. The ranking music in this episode is "Winter Wonderland" by Earth, Wind & Fire.

It's time to celebrate what is surely the most important and impactful event happening this week: Jam's birthday! That means it's BIRTHDAY BOI'S CHOICE time, and they have chosen two songs from our favourite difficult-to-search British electro-pop charity-Christmas-single-producing duo, Christmas Aguilera! Our discussion of "Santa's Car" accidentally turns into a bit of a book report comparing and contrasting to other holiday tunes on similar themes, while our talking points re: "Christmas on Mars" quite intentionally turn to Jam's grand adaptation ideas. Also: we sing a lot in this one! The ranking music in this episode is also "Christmas on Mars" by Christmas Aguilera. It's really good ok!!

It's Halloween and we're taking some EXTRA SPOOKY* requests! Two tracks off of the Psychobilly Christmas compilation album - "Halloween on X-Mas" by The Coffin Caddies and "Silent Night, Deadly Night" by The White Coffin Terror - attempt to inject some frights into the festive, but do they succeed? And isn't there anyone who can tell Ian what psychobilly is all about?? *Spookiness results may vary. Twang not included. The intro sting in this episode is "Main Titles (Beetlejuice)" composed by Danny Elfman, and the ranking music is "Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)" performed by Harry Belafonte. Thank you to Kevin for these requests!

Sometimes, when you do a year-round holiday music review podcast for nine years, you pitch a ridiculous idea and you kinda just gotta trust the process. We're celebrating the fact that "Oct" sounds a little bit like "croc" with two crocodile-themed song selections! "Merry Christmas Baby (Please Don't Die)" by Crocodiles and Dum Dum Girls wraps a gloomy sentiment in a cheerful (if somewhat hushed) package, while "The Christmas Crocodile" by The Big Cheese Band seems like a straightforward vehicle to launch a new Santa animal companion, but is actually a clown car full of one surprise after another. The ranking music in this episode is "Crocodile Rock" by Elton John. Stay safe this Croctober, y'all.

Listen, at the time of this recording, Sabrina Carpenter's album WAS at the top of the charts. She's still near the top! Top-ish! WE REMAIN RELEVANT In this episode, we discuss Sabrina Carpenter's 2022 Christmas track (and soon-to-be basis of a Netflix special, apparently) "A Nonsense Christmas", followed by the circa-2015 "Christmas the Whole Year Round". Join us as we celebrate Carpenter's musical journey, from pop production that projects virginity to the most dick-puns-per-minute song in the podcast's history! The ranking music in this episode is, of course, "Nonsense" by Sabrina Carpenter.

It's back to school season and we're back to taking listener requests! That's not really the theme of the episode, but it is true. This week we cover two listener requests for two versions of the same song! First up, we listen to "Nothing But a Child" as performed by Robin and Linda Williams for the Prairie Home Christmas compilation album or audiobook or live broadcast or whatever the case may actually be. Then we visit the original (and much twangier) version by Steve Earle. The ranking music in this episode is "A Baby Changes Everything" by Faith Hill. Thank you to Patricia and Liam for these requests!

Hey, listen. As I'm writing this, Ian and Jam are both very jetlagged. They don't remember why they thought covering these songs would be fun. It was a nightmare. August Got Run Over By a Reindeer is a nightmare in general. But hopefully, that's fun for you, the listener. In honour of the Election Year (and because we gotta cover these versions of GGROBAR eventually), we listened to "Obama Got Run Over by a Reindeer" by Doc Pearson and "Kamala Got Run 0ver by a Reindeer" by...... (checks notes)..... Bubba Beige? I think that's right. The ranking music in this episode, and all August Got Run Over By a Reindeer (AGROBAR) episodes, is “Everything Sucks” by Reel Big Fish.  

Savor with us, won't you, the delectable second year of August Got Run Over By a Reindeer? The second year is the brief stage of a made-up tradition in which we could, if we had better judgment, back out: haha, that sure was a funny joke we made last year, an annual month of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer related songs! By the third year, we'll be in too deep; listener expectations will force us to continue. And yet, dear listeners, we have not opted to take this last exit. We stay the course. We persist. We drive on, like so many sleighs over so many grandmothers, down this lonesome highway once again. The songs in this episode are, bafflingly, "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy and "Grandma's Homemade Christmas Card" by Merle Haggard. It will make sense when you listen, I promise. The ranking music in this episode, and all August Got Run Over By a Reindeer (AGROBAR) episodes, is “Everything Sucks” by Reel Big Fish.

It's been almost a year, and the time has come. In August of 2023, Ian was incorrect about something. More incorrect than we usually are about things on this podcast. And so, we attempt to set things right by giving ska its due. Our ska education starts with Al and the Vibrators' "Merry Christmas", followed by Toots and the Maytals' "Christmas Feeling Ska". The ranking music in this episode is "Polka Face" by Weird Al Yankovic. (For the record, Ian chose this.)

Ian's birthday has us pondering important questions, including: What does the early 00s sound like? Are British people more excited out of their gourds about Christmas than North Americans? And, perhaps most importantly, am I The Guy Who Sucks? We also listen to two versions of "I Wish It Was Christmas Today", one performed by Julian Casablancas and one performed by Cheap Trick! The ranking clip in this episode is from "I Wish It Was Christmas Today" (which I'm just finding out right now is maybe sometimes titled "Christmas Treat") as performed by Horatio Sans, Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Animal, and Gonzo.

We're about to go on our annual summer break, but we wanted to leave you with something to enjoy while we're away! This episode, we've got two Christmas songs that might just be your new hot summer jam. "Make It Jingle" by Big Freedia will have you shaking a number of both literal and metaphorical things, and "Stripper Christmas Summer Weekend" by GWAR is better than that sounds, we swear! Correction: in this episode we accidentally combined two soundtrack credits for "Make It Jingle", the film Office Christmas Party and the game Just Dance 2018. The TV show that the recently evil search engine suggested was probably "Christmas Party", an episode of The Office, which is still not a show, per se, so let's say we're all in the wrong here. The ranking clip in this episode is Big Freedia in Beyonce's "Formation"! That's worded oddly because she's not a "featured" artist for whatever reason!

Ok, yes, we may be burning this title when there are certainly multiple renditions of "Santa Baby" called "Santa Daddy" that we didn't touch in this episode. We're just going to have to call that one "Daddy Christmas" or something. No, rather than casting actual Santa as a metaphorical daddy, this Father's Day episode features songs about actual fathers and not-actual Santa Clauses: "Santa Claus Looks Like My Daddy" by Danny Kaye and "Daddy's Beer" by Dave Gunning. Thank you to Myles for requesting "Santa Claus Looks Like My Daddy"! The ranking music in this episode is "Santa Claus is a Black Man" by Akim and Teddy Vann.

It's getting to be that time of year! You know, the time of year when it feels completely wild to tell someone that you listen to a year-round winter-holiday music podcast? But don't worry, we've got two listener requests to kick your holiday spirit back into high gear. "Bing Crosby Wrote Festive Christmas Songs" by Angry Snowmans is a cover that puts a right jolly twist on a punk standard. Then the upbeat "I Still Believe in Christmas" by The Fleshtones puts us in the mood for prancing, dancing, dashing, and dondering! (Side note: if you want to know the origins of all of Angry Snowmans' songs, someone did that legwork and posted it on reddit three years ago!) The ranking music in this episode is "Bob Dylan Wrote Propoganda Songs" by The Minutemen. Thank you to Kevin for these requests!

Since it's almost Victoria Day (or as Canadians call it, "May Long Eh"), we're talking British Christmas music again -- specificially a few popular tunes that never crossed the threshold into Christmas #1s in the UK. "Christmas Lights" by Coldplay is, you know, fine. It's fine! And "You're Christmas to Me" by Sam Ryder? It's FINE. WHATEVER, OK? IT'S FINE. The ranking music in this episode is "Best Friends Squad" by Strong Bad, for reasons that should become obvious.

To celebrate the upcoming International Workers' Day on May 1st, we've got two Christmas songs about: who else? WORKERS, BABY! Well, technically, they're also about landlords and bosses, but only in the way that Taken is about the guys who kidnapped that lady from Lost. Jeez, has she tried being in something called Exactly Where She's Supposed To Be? Anyway: we listened to "Christmas Eve In the East Side" by Aunt Molly Jackson, followed by "National Living Rage" by... let's go with Siobhain McDonagh and friends for now. The ranking music in this episode is "No Christmas in Kentucky" by Phil Ochs.

Our annual 4/20 episode is back, and this year? Good songs only!!! You may be surprised to hear that we were still able to find two good weed-themed winter holiday songs, but indeed: "High on Hanukkah" by Micah E. Wood (featuring Ari Pluznik and Seth Kibel) is an enjoyable ode to holiday paranoia, and "Kushmas" by Smino is... well, surely it's about something, but that's sort of beside the point. The ranking music in this episode is "Sleigh", also by Smino (featuring Monte Booker and Masego)!

As per tradition (at least from days of yore when we did episodes weekly), we're using the week of Easter to add some more traditional Christmas music to our list. And it just so happens that both of this episode's songs are from the same album, 2012's Holidays Rule! Both songs were also composed by guys named Henry who were better known for other things, which I guess is also kind of a fun coincidence? Calexico's take on King Henry VIII's "Green Grows the Holly" is a breath of fresh air, but Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" as performed by The Civil Wars is just kinda... air. This week's ranking music is "The Holly and the Ivy" performed by Los Campesinos!

By request, we're tackling two holiday songs that expand the number of languages and dialects represented in our list. "Jingle Bells" as performed by Béla Fleck and the Flecktones featuring Alash marks the first appearance of Tuvan, and also, of Tuvan throat-singing! And, I don't know, maybe like the thirtieth post-modern banjo performance? And while we've had a good amount of French under our belts and in our ears already, "23 Décembre" by Beau Dommage is our first in the Québécois working-class dialect of Joual. Er, probably? Listen, we got really sidetracked in the middle of this one. The ranking music in this episode is "Fa La La" by Bündock. Thank you to merikus for these requests!

To celebrate the Leap Year, we're leaping into two versions of The 12 Days of Christmas! Kind of!!! Neither "12 Days of Christmas" by Gucci Mane or "The Twelve Days of Christmas" by The Popguns use the traditional lyrics or structure of the song, but hey, we can consider that an improvement. The ranking music in this episode is "8 Days of Christmas" by Destiny's Child.

It's Valentine's Day, one of the horniest holidays on the calendar, and we're celebrating with two songs from the 1950s that illustrate an uncomfortable truth: people have always been nasty little freaks about Christmas. In the case of "Santa Claus Got Stuck in My Chimney" by Ella Fitzgerald, it's entirely listener interpreation that takes this song from silly to risqué. In "Trim Your Tree" by Jimmy Butler, however -- maybe you wouldn't call the lyrics explicit, but they are definitely intentional. The ranking music in this episode is "Molasses Molasses (It's Icky Sticky Goo)" by Ella Fitzgerald!

Gosh, the Super Bowl seems to come earlier and earlier every year, doesn't it? Football music starts getting played the radio, kids start lining up at the mall to sit on Bill Belichick's lap. Hmm? What's that? Ok, I'm getting word that it's actually the opposite, that the super bowl comes later now. And the other things I said have never happened? Apparently? No child has ever desired to approach Bill Belichick? And "football music" isn't anything? Well, we beg to differ (with the last thing specifically)!!! We listen to "Merry Christmas in the NFL" by Willis the Guard and Vigorish, and like, woof. That's followed by "Santa's Night" by the Philly Specials featuring Jason Kelce, which is akin to a refreshing Gatorade shower after that first one. The ranking music in this episode is "Heavy Action" by Johnny Pearson (the original Monday Night Football anthem, which, fun fact, has a title that rules).

It's podcasts all the way down! By listener request, we're discussing "Don't Wait For Me Beneath the Mistletoe" by The Allusionettes. The band -- comprised of Jenny Owen Youngs, Martin Austwick, and podcast host Helen Zaltzman -- was formed for an episode of The Allusionist podcast about creating a 2020-appropriate holiday hit. We pair that with another Jenny Owen Youngs holiday tune, "Maybe Next Year", which definitely came out in 2019 and not 2020! We got this wrong and there was absolutely no way we could have fact checked it while recording! Jam had a headache and Ian was trapped under a cat!! Please, we're sorry, we're upstanding podcast citizens!!! The ranking music in this episode is "Fuck Was I" by Jenny Owen Youngs. Thank you to Matthew for requesting "Don't Wait For Me Beneath the Mistletoe"!

To kick off our tenth year of HARK, we're writing the first page of what will surely be many chapters exploring the question of our time: why are there so many hip hop songs about the Grinch? "I Am The Grinch" by Tyler the Creator is a pleasant but not very illuminating entry in Grinch Rap subgenre, while "The Grinch" by Bad Lucc gives us a little more to speculate on, but is, you know, no "Landy in My Eggnog". The ranking music for this episode is "Grinch 2000" by Busta Rhymes featuring Jim Carrey, and the intro/outro music sting is "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" by Thurl Ravenscroft.

It's finally here: our 2023 milestone episode! When looking for a candidate for all-time greatest Christmas songs, Jam attempted to laser-focus their pick to Ian's taste. When looking for the worst of the worst, the song Ian selected has more of scattershot strategy.  The ranking music in this episode is "Christmas Unicorn" by Sufjan Stevens. As mentioned in this episode, we were recently quoted in an article about Christmas music! You can read it here: How Simon Cowell and John Lewis killed the British Christmas song

The 2023 holiday season has arrived! We're celebrating with some brand new holiday songs. Since Hanukkah begins this week, we begin with the delightfuly catchy "Just A Little Hanukkah" by Oliver Richman featuring Jessica Toltzis and Nathan Brewer. Then we consider the new Christmas release by Wheatus (remember Wheatus?), titled "Christmas Dirtbag" (now you probably remember Wheatus). The ranking music in this episode is "Hanukkah" by The Manischefits.

Season's Eatings! This very food-centric episode kicks off with a listener request. While he's perhaps best known to Christmas nerds for his work in White Christmas, we totally ignore that while discussing Danny Kaye's "Eat Eat Eat" and instead try to discern how light-hearted this holiday patter song actually is. We follow up this deceptively complex piece with a song so utterly devoid of deeper meaning that Carrie Underwood literally titled it "Stretchy Pants". The ranking music in this episode is "8 Days of Latkes" by Ben Schwartz. Thank you to Myles for requesting "Eat Eat Eat"!

Jam's birthday is here again, and that means it's BIRTHDAY BOI'S CHOICE TIME!! And this year, they've chosen chaos. Covering two Weezer songs ("The Christmas Song" and "The Deep and Dreamless Sleep") might seem like a fairly conventional and orderly episode concept, but this thing got away from us pretty much as soon as it began. In the words of Nietzsche, "...when you gaze long into the [Weezer], the [Rivers Cuomo] gazes also into you." The ranking music in this episode is "I Want a Dog" by Weezer, and I have to tell you that it does unfortunately absolutely slap.

Halloween approaches, and as is tradition, we're covering two Christmas tunes with a Halloween-y kick! The first is "Hell of a Holiday" by the Pistol Annies, which offers a mish-mash of Halloween and (select) winter holiday flavors, as well as some intriguing questions about what spells their respective cleric domains would have. Then it's "Flappie", a dark Christmas tune beloved in the Netherlands, hauntingly performed in English by Todd Rundgren. Oath of Miranda Lambert paladins would not approve. The intro music in this episode is the theme from "Goosebumps", composed by Jack Lenz. The ranking music is "It's Halloween (A Christmas Song)" by Randy Brooks.

Here in the brief window between August Got Run Over By a Reindeer and Halloween, we're taking a minute to get to some listener requests! "Not Another Christmas Song" by Blink-182 is more or less what you'd expect, except maybe for the fact that it was released in 2019. In contrast, we weren't sure what to expect from "Thank God It's Not Christmas" by Sparks, but it still managed to surprise us. The ranking music in this episode is "Nothing Better" by The dang Postal Service! Thank you to Andy for these requests!

World Animal Day approaches (probably), and we are celebrating (kind of) with two festive songs about animal companions! "Santa Claus Rides a Strawberry Roan" by Jim Lowe is unfortunately less about celebrating its titular animal companion and more about shit-talking reindeer. "Jingles the Christmas Cat" by Freddy Cole doesn't give us much more in terms of lore, but dang, does it go down smooth. The ranking music in this episode is, of course, "A Horse with No Name" by America. Thank you to Myles for requesting "Santa Claus Rides a Strawberry Roan"!

Since the High Holidays are just around the corner, we're listening to two songs celebrating their winter-time relative, Hanukkah! By request, we hear "The Night of the Dreidel" by Craig Carothers, a song with an epic-sounding title that tells a smaller, sweeter story about a drama-free holiday. But don't worry, "The Chanukah Song (We Are Lights)" performed by Jane Olivor has plenty of dramatic flair. Also: we got an email! The ranking music in this episode is "Eight Candles (A Song for Hanukkah)" by Dave Koz. Thank you to Jo for requesting "The Night of the Dreidel"!

It's been a long month, and we're closing it out by going back to the beginning. Randy Brooks's own version of "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" joins our list, as does his own parody of his own novelty hit, "Grandma Got Run Over by Corona". The bar is low and he's just gotta clear it to get us to the end of this freaking month!! The ranking music in this, and all August Got Run Over By a Reindeer (AGROBAR) episodes, is "Everything Sucks" by Reel Big Fish, and you can't take that away from us.

It's the second installment of our inexplicable self-inflected psychological experiment, August Got Run Over By a Reindeer! Our theme for these started out as "grandparents being run over by other, non-sleigh vehicles", but we discovered a variety of common threads. "Grandpa Got Runned Over By a John Deere" by Cledus T. Judd and "Grandpa Got Run Over By a Beer Truck" by Da Yoopers both turn the tables on grandpa, and also, they're both bad! Our ranking music is... well, you'll understand.

Well, it's come to this. Welcome to our first installment of "August Got Run Over By a Reindeer", a month-long "celebration" of the many, many mutations of Elmo and Patsy's 1979 novelty hit, "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer". We ease our way in with two covers recorded by some familiar, nostalgic musical acts - Less Than Jake and Reel Big Fish. This week's ranking music is "Everything Sucks" by Reel Big Fish!

It's Ian's birthday (soon)! So he's running the dang podcast!!! For his Birthday Boy's Choice picks, he lands on two classic-adjacent tunes from years not yet covered on the show. "Happy Holidays" by Bing Crosby (with the Music Maid and Hal and John Scott Trotter and His Orchestra) seems like a commercial for hotels masquerading as a Christmas song, but it's actually a stealth New Year's song masquerading as musical theatre masquerading as a Christmas song. "Winter Weather" by Benny Goodman (with vocals by Peggy Lee and Art Lund) is a refreshing clarinet-heavy palate cleanser. The ranking music in this episode is the medley from history's greatest film, Muppet Family Christmas.

We're back on our bullshit! Our bullshit being "dicussing listener requests". We take a look at two songs with a surprising amount in common - "Lonely Christmas" by WALLIS and "Alien Christmas" by Tay Zonday. Both are 2020 Christmas songs by artists who got their start by going viral on youtube - and both beg the question, "ok but is this good actually?" The ranking music in this episode is "Chocolate Rain" by Tay Zonday. Thank you to our #1 Fan TimeMachine for these requests!

We're going to be taking our next scheduled episode off because we're doing some traveling this month. To help prepare us for our trip to the U.S., we're taking two requests for some good old fashioned American country music. "Christmas Time's A-Comin'" by Emmylou Harris is a song from a country tradition we enjoy, namely bluegrass. "364 Days to Go" by Brad Paisley is ... Well, it's definitely better than his other entry on our list. This week's ranking music is "Christmas Time's A-Comin'" as performed by Bill Monroe. Thank you to James for the requests!

This week on HARK, we've got two songs with the same title and very different stakes. By request, we cover "Santa Please" by Bill Medley, a tale of alcoholism, regret and reconciliation at Christmas that leaves us troubled. Then, we discuss "Santa Please" by Toni Braxton, which is basically just four minutes of the singer sexily asking to speak to the manager about travel logistics. The manager is Santa Claus.   The ranking music in this episode is "Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk This Christmas" as performed by The Decemberists.   Thank you to Misty for requesting the Bill Medley song!