Tysto film commentaries

Tweet Join me and my long-lost guest and Bond aficionado Martin (AKA Faldor) as we look deep into Daniel Craig’s last outing as James Bond. We compare the film to other spy films, the Fleming books, Knives Out, the work of Vladimir Putin, and other Bond films, which I struggle to remember, especially SPECTRE, despite … Continue reading No Time to Die →

Tweet And we’re back! Barely ten months after our last commentary, Jimmy B and I dive right back in with another horror classic. This time, we examine the slasher flick that started it all (by ripping off Halloween). We get to the bottom of my distaste for horror movies (it’s really just a distaste for … Continue reading Friday the 13th (1980) →

Tweet Just in time to be a month late for Halloween, Jimmy B joins me to revisit the 1980s John Landis classic. It stars the Rick Baker & His Amazing Physical Effects, the Dr Pepper guy, and That Guy From The Madonna Movie Your Sister liked, plus Jenny Agutter. We compare this to An American … Continue reading An American Werewolf in London →

Tweet Join Drew and me for yet another rollicking adventure with all your favorite characters from all the Star Wars movies–because THEY ARE ALL HERE. How? Visions, dreams, memories, ancient magic, cloning, holograms, borrowed footage, deleted scenes, computer trickery, or some combination of the above. We praise… well… some things. C3P0 jokes? Daisy Ridley? I … Continue reading Star Wars 9: The Rise of Skywalker →

Tweet Join Jimmy B as he joins me to revisit one of the great family movies of all time. This has been a long time coming, because my original commentary was a complete mess of nonsense. We unabashedly adore it and praise nearly every aspect. This is one in my pantheon of nearly perfect movies. … Continue reading The Princess Bride →

Tweet Merry Christmas to all (again)! Happy holidays to those who don’t celebrate Christmas! Jimmy B is back to help me get off my duff and talk about another film. This time, it’s Joe Dante’s tale of Christmas cheer and mayhem (Well, Chris Columbus’s tale, really). We talk about the effects, the acting, the fake … Continue reading Gremlins (1984) →

Merry Christmas to all! Happy holidays to those who don't celebrate Christmas! A solemn welcome to those who don't care for Muppets! Jimmy B is back for a look at one of his--and now my--favorite Muppet films. My-cocaine is Scrooge and Kermit is Bob Cratchit. Statler and Waldorf are ghosts. And the songs are middling but listenable. We compare this extensively to the original novella by Charles Damn Dickens Himself, as well as to other Muppet movies and probably Shakespeare and Steel Magnolias.

Join Mehul and me as we are joined by Drew to have a trio look at Solo: A Star Wars Story, in which Chewbacca the wookiee befriends a bedraggled Imperial army deserter and coaches him along life's rocky road, full of disappointments and betrayals. We compare it to other Star Wars films, the books, the cartoons, the video games, Willow, Guardians of the Galaxy, Game of Thrones, Avatar, Thor: Ragnarok, The Hunger Games, Serenity, Grand Theft Auto, Marvel universe films, and The Other Side of the Wind. We decide that it is Good and Unnecessary and fail to make any Cheers or marijuana jokes despite the presence of Woody Harrelson.

Join Mehul and me for a revisiting of the undaptation of Robert A Heinlein's Starship Troopers. We try to figure out which parts came from the book and which parts were original to the screenplay that had little to do with the book. We notice that it's kind of two movies in one and neither one is much of an actual story. We compare it to other Paul Verhoeven movies, Aliens, Full Metal Jacket, Philip K Dick adaptations, the 19th century British Navy, World War 2 movies, World War 2 itself, and Melrose Place. We praise the effects and action (by which me mean a bit of the old ultraviolence). Mehul waxes poetical about the music. I wax poetical about Dina Meyer. (I'm still available, Dina!)

Join me as I am joined by Olly to SLAM EVIL with the oddly still watchable comic book movie from 1990s. No, not The Rocketeer. No, not The Shadow. No, not Dick Tracy. Yes: The Phantom! We argue over the cowl and discuss other costume matters. We praise the cast and, especially, the amazing art direction and cinematography, and the seaplanes... but not necessarily the overall mise-en-scene. A certain actor comes in for criticism as well as some of the stunts. We agree the film lacks a certain punch despite having many punches and that it could nevertheless have done with a sequel, but not with those box office numbers. We compare it to its contemporary comic book movies, the new crop of comic book movies, romantic comedies, James Bond movies, Indiana Jones movies, Frazier, Due South, and Monkey Island video games.

Join Drew and me for a rollicking adventure following all your favorite characters from The Force Awakens (except the one who died) where they... uh... try to escape the First Order and try to get Luke to return to civilization, and ride some llama-dogs at a racetrack, and some of them eventually meet for the first time... What is this movie about? I guess we praise the acting and set design and dialog but sort of not? We compare it to Phantom Menace and Harry Potter.

Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs as I join him and Jimmy B to talk about The Long Kiss Goodnight. It's a Shane Black thriller about mommies and memories set at Christmas, so it's perfect for April of 2018, AKA the Year With No Spring.

Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs as I join him to talk about The Truman Show. We love the film and praise nearly every aspect of it. I regard it as a nearly perfect film and try to rewrite it as a comedy. We muse about the different levels of meaning, whether or not Truman is crazy (John: it's not paranoia if they're really out to get you; me: oh he's nuts) and why a TV studio with its own ocean doesn't have any working boats. We wax poetical about the art design, writing, and cast, if not the acting (me vs Laura Linney; John vs Jim Carey). It's a great film that speaks to us personally. After all: all the world's a stage and all the people merely players. You can tell people I said that. I don't think anyone has made that observation before. We hardly say word one about director Peter Weir, so here it is: he's great.

Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs as I join him to talk about Groundhog Day. We praise the acting, the plotting, and the locations. We compare it to Edge of Tomorrow, Goethe's Faust, Scrooged, and falling in love. I explain my head canon that makes it all work for me. And we try to decide what would make it better in general.

Olly and I overcome communications issues, swap bodies, and have a look at the final episode of Star Trek! We discuss Shatner's acting, the challenge of doing a body swap episode, the likelihood of fooling the bridge officers, the fact that Spock never met a mutiny he didn't like, and much, much more.

Join Mehul and me as we again explore the vastness of space and decide whether or not getting mean texts constitutes "contact". We compare it to 2001, 2002, 2003, etc., Contact, Alien, The Abyss, Leviathan, Deepstar 6, submarine movies, Seaquest DSV, Star Trek's "The Tholian Web", and Rocky 5*. We discuss and praise the cast, the miniatures, and cinematography. We mock the slow burn, the Russian tech, and the politics. We suss out the motivations of everyone except the monolith. We try to figure out how gravity works. And we try to decide if Roy Scheider is a love interest.

Faldor is back! We sit down for a look at Edgar Wright's new flick about the heartwarming romance between boy and his iPod and also a girl he kind of likes, but maybe not LIKE likes, 'cause he's not gonna get all mushy or anything. We compare it to other Edgar Wright films, crime pictures of the '60s and '70s, Reservoir Dogs, Ant-Man, Highlander, James Bond films, John Wick, Layer Cake, Highlander, Harry Potter, Where Eagles Dare, Captain America: Winter Soldier, Oedipus Rex, The Omen, and, of course, the first in the series: Baby's Day Out. Martin (Faldor is just a code-name he tells everyone) recommends the Ford Ka as a getaway car. We recast Doc. We disbelieve that any adult was a toddler when iPods came out. We try to figure out the timeline of the third act. We try to figure out why Kevin Spacey bothers to pack up his tiny car collection. And we try to figure out why Bats has bats tattooed on his neck (theory: everyone likes bats).

Olly and I reestablish contact after slipping thru a rift in the fabric of space-time and a debilitating bout of space madness to talk about "The Tholian Web"! Oh those punctual Tholians cause no end of vexation while Spock tries to catch Kirk on the next swing around the ol' space carousel (or whatever. Honestly, i have no idea what's causing this). It's great fun seeing Spock in charge and endlessly put upon, and it makes wonderful use of the whole cast; even Nurse Chapel! I suggest we could have a whole series of this stuff. Olly insults Chekov, as usual. I suggest the Tholians might be teenage girls in disguise. Olly defends the sparkly spacesuits. It's a haunted house! Kirk-light! It's Shakespearean!

Join Mehul and me as we explore the vastness of space and discover it full of character actors! We contemplate the nature of the universe, discuss alien life and intelligence, talk about the film's influence on our culture and movies, and generally have a very good time with this slow, contemplative, visual feast of a film. Altho we discuss what we think could have made it better, and altho I don't say it, I consider this to be a nearly perfect film. But is it entertaining...? Eeeee, maybe not as much as it could be.

Tweet Olly is back, and this time we’re discussing the distressing idea of incompetent clowns taking charge of a country. Will they be able to make Fredonia great again? Will they Frexit? We compare it to other Marx Brothers movies—with and without Zeppo—commedia dell’arte, the Muppets, Bugs Bunny, MASH, Blazing Saddles, and Monty Python and … Continue reading Duck Soup (1933) →

Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs as I join him and together we wax poetical about George Romero and his zombie film, the one that all zombie films afterward use as a template. We discuss the enduring format of the siege picture, the race and gender issues, the acting, the direction, the difference between zombies and ghouls (ghouls rule, zombies drool), and of course whether Harry & Helen are Homer & Marge Simpson or Thurston Howell III & Lovey (me: both; John: neither). We compare it to all the other zombie movies, disaster movies, and Invasion of the Body Snatchers. We discuss the social commentary, the social impact, and social media. Bonus: I explain women's suffrage, altho frankly everyone should know about it already from the rockin'est School House Rock song of all time.

It's the 20th anniversary of James Cameron's tour de force romance-on-the-high-seas-gone-wrong Titanic, a film so big it made people briefly think James Cameron wasn't crazy (he is). I'm joined by Mike from Commentary Track Stars and Great Shot Kid and Mehul from the Internet! They love this movie, which more than makes up for the fact I think it's flabby and stilted until shit gets real and a little movie star named Ice Berg shows up. We compare it to Cameron's other movies, other water and ship movies, other romances movies, Stanley Kubrick movies, and Back to the Future. We praise the acting, the set design, the concept of limitations, and heroes of the actual, for-real tragedy that Cameron tacked an Aladdin-style street-rat-and-the-princess romance onto. We complain about the acting, the early CGI, the ham-handed dialog, and the nudity (Mike & Mehul; not me, I assure you).

Watch along with Jimmy and me as we hark back to 1985 with our mullets and parachute pants and feast our eyes on Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime fighting bad guys and rescuing damsels and also being rescued by damsels. We try to figure out who the real commando is. We count how many times "John Matrix" should have died (5). We laud the roles given to the female characters, even if they're ludicrous and superfluous. We wax poetic about '80s character actors and their credits. We applaud the ticking clock (a beeping watch) and the conspicuous lack of cell phones. And we duck and cover when all hell breaks loose at Harold Lloyd's Victor Maitland's Arius's house. (Beverly Hills Cop was not filmed at the Lloyd mansion, but Young Lady Chatterley II was, and I highly recommend it for the scenery.) I identify all the cars. Jimmy becomes confused by a sex position he's never seen (he didn't see Young Lady Chatterley II). I reveal my secret weakness (low-oxygen environments). Jimmy casts Schwarzenegger and Stallone as Holmes and Watson (and immediately disavows it). I reveal why I washed out of commando school (poor sense of smell). Jimmy repeatedly points out who's not being nice (almost everyone). I insult the Scottish people by comparing them to the Amish (send your angry cards and letters to Tysto c/o Donald Trump, White House, America). And Jimmy insults the Scottish people by claiming Scotland has less history than the US (send your angry cards and letters to Jimmy B c/o Donald Trump, White House, America).

Any day aboard the Enterprise, another fake distress call. What are you gonna do? The money is running out, and sets are thin, but the crew makes the most of what they've got. Olly and I discuss the big ideas (not killing everyone and taking their stuff!), the futuristic fashions (backless coveralls! combovers!), and pacing and dialog ("What is this hu-man emotion called love?"). Oh! And cuboctahedrons galore! More cuboctahedrons than you can shake a stick at!

Would you like to buy a small, furry ball of purring love? Just 10 credits, my friend. Olly tries to sell me on this episode, and I'm as grumpy and possible drunk as Kirk is in it. He seems to view Spock as enough of a pet. McCoy can't figure out how to keep animals from procreating. No one recognizes Trelane. All this is Uhura's fault, but how can you blame her: it's the only shore leave she ever gets. Scotty and Checkov fight "Klinguns" in the longest nonsense sequence in the series. I'm bothered by Spock's extraneous math, and Olly explains bisexual reproduction math to me. We try to imagine Klingon button manufacturers and invent various theories about and uses for tribbles.

Episode 30: "Amok Time", in which Spock once again but most spectacularly comes under the influence of something (hormones) that causes him to show emotion! Olly and I delve into the logic, the character development, the world building (it's literally one building on another world, but hey), and so much more. Checkov! Checkov's wig! Chapel's burning lust for Spock! Spock's lava lamp! Vulcan's principle export (lava lamps)! This has the beautiful Arlene Martel as T'pring, Celia Lovsky as T'Pau, and a guy as Stonn (okay, not a great character). Olly and I battle to the death over whether production order or broadcast order is most important. And I sing the fight music!

Tweet Join me as I join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs for Paul Verhoeven’s shoot-em-up classic (no not that one, and no not that one–okay he made a LOT of shoot-em-ups) RoboCop. This is the 1987 one, not the remake that is definitely terrible even tho we didn’t see it. It’s the heartwarming tale of … Continue reading RoboCop (1987) →

Join Olly and me as we look into episode 29: "The City on the Edge of Forever". We question the nature of the time portal—sorry: "Guardian of Forever" (nice guarding there, pal, by the way). We question why Kirk brings only part of the landing party thru the portal. We question the use of soft focus on Joan Collins. And we question the problem with a device that records video but can't play it back without being hooked up to a series of old radio tubes. Also, we forget to mentioned "Let's get the hell out of here" was the first time "hell" was used as a curse word on American TV.

Join Drew and me for a whirlwind tour of the galaxy, with a cast so vast includes several dead people. It's the heartwarming tale of a pair of ragamuffin lone wolves in a motley band of rogues within a ragtag group of rebels inside a struggling republic fighting a galactic empire with no apparent emperor that nevertheless somehow builds gigantic moon-sized space stations. And it's the tale of how they get a message from a guy who tells them all they have to do to destroy that space station is get the plans from the most secure military warehouse in the galaxy and exploit a flaw he designed deep inside the most dangerous weapon ever created. SIMPLE!

Join Olly and me as we look into episode 24: "This Side of Paradise" We compare it to past episodes we've done, other mutiny episodes, "Shore Leave", and Firefly. We fight like Kirk and Spock over Kirk and Spock and whether living on this planet would actually be fine (me: yes; Olly: you have no ambition). We imagine what hospitals would be like once the flowers are put into regular use giving people perfect health but no ambition. And we riff on wigs.

Join Olly and me as we look into episode 18: "Arena" We discuss the Gorn, the Gorn's gender, the Gorn's name, the Gorn's attractiveness, and the recipe for gun powder.

Join Olly and me as we look into episode 7: "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" (Spoiler: wires and circuits.) We discuss the classic cast, the fact that this is a bottle episode, the similarity to Doctor Who, the attractiveness of Sherry Jackson (and Ted Cassidy), and the possibility that Ruk started out as a robotic couch for an old lady.

TweetJoin me as I join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs for a dive into the second Avengers film. We compare it to other Marvel films, Frankenstein, and Barb Wire. We praise nearly every part of it but come out feeling like it largely missed the mark. We’re watching the Blu-ray. Cue up the first frame … Continue reading Avengers: Age of Ultron →

Join Olly and me one our mission to examine Star Trek (the original series) in ten installments (probably at least eleven now, actually). Our first installment is the original pilot starring Jeffrey Hunter, "The Cage", which was later used to cobble together a two-parter called "The Menagerie". It's a fascinating start.

Join Drew and me and a silent Asian girl for a look into the darkest fantasies of computer nerds: talking to a pretty girl behind a glass wall. We examine the genre, theme, inspiration, and dance moves. We compare it to other Alex Garland films, other streaming films, porn, Greek tragedies, Star Trek, RoboCop, Jurassic Park, Battlestar Galactica, Frankenstein, Dracula, Pinocchio, and porn. And we do an unpaid advertisement for Amazon Video. We imagine ourselves in the Caleb role, the Nathan role, the Ava role, and the helicopter pilot role. We have a lot of questions about Kyoko. I namecheck Nunavut and Yellowknife (I know Yellowknife is not in Nunavut). We speculate on where the movie is set, how the house is designed and supplied, and how many hookers are buried on the grounds. And we try to figure out who the villain is.

Olly is back, and this time we're scrutinizing the fine details of Adam West's Batman. We both love the film for what it is, and praise the cast, writing, and set design. We elaborate on the acting careers of the fine cast and crew. And we analyze its influence (I push the connections to Batman Returns, but perhaps too far). We speculate on the manufacture of batsuits but discreetly do not mention that this batsuit, like Joel Schumacher's, has nipples (of the 100% natural variety). We note the notable lack of catness of Catwoman and analyze the rooming relationships between the villains. And we think about all the things we should not think about when it comes to dehydrating and rehydrating people.

Pop in your copy of this all-American (and some British) classic while Jimmy and I gush over just about every aspect of it. We compare it to Citizen Kane and Fellini's 8 1/2 and Bicycle Thieves (not in so many words, but basically) and all other great films as well as several other things. It's a road movie, a coming-of-age movie, a hero's-journey movie, and a falling-in-love-with-a -pig movie. I forget to mention Italian commedia dell'arte, but it's that too. It's all things to all people. We keep it clean and cordial. I do the world's greatest impression of Kermit the Frog. We evaluate Doc Hopper's business case. We reveal the shocking origin of Telly Monster. We have a falling out over mixing Sesame Street with Muppet Show characters and whether it's okay to fall in love with a chicken. But it's okay; we makes up over our shared hatred of Elmo. And we answer the musical question "why are there so many songs about rainbows?" (and you may not like the answer). We're watching the Blu-ray and stay in sync. Start at on the countdown.

Join me along with Olly (last name uknown, possibly Fronkensteen) as we peer into the dark depths of taboo science and cinema with Mel Brooks' and Gene Wilder's wonderful Young Frankenstein. We compare it to other Frankenstein movies, other Mel Brooks movies, other Gene Wilder movies, and Brief Encounter. Olly explains how Brooks and Wilder were both crazy in different ways. We insult Gene Wilder's hair. We discuss back-door pilots and how this movie should not be set in Transylvania and why a mad scientist would dress his monster in a suit. We discuss the Dr Frankenstein/Frankenstein's Monster mixup and try to name the monster. We wish Gene Wilder had "gone the Bill Murray route". And I try to get Olly to say "Blucher".

Olly is back after a long absence to drink cocktails and discuss the intricacies of the Myrna Loy and William Powell classic The Thin Man. Olly compares it to the book and to the TV show. We analyze the relationship between Nick and Nora and compare it to other movie and TV couples. We compare the plot to other films in the series and other films of other sorts and to Agatha Christie. I mistakenly say Alan Ladd's The Glass Key was first person point of view when it was Robert Montgomery's The Lady in the Lake. Olly confesses to only having seen one Kevin Bacon movie, which I like to imagine was White Water Summer but probably wasn't. So I explain Wild Things to him, which may make your head hurt. We discuss Hitchcock's use of leading men and humor and how it compares. We discuss how Asta is virtually useless and how Nick is not really all that insightful of a detective. And we plan on remaking it in 3D. Also, I badmouth Alan Ladd repeatedly and explain how everyone in The Maltese Falcon was gay. We're watching it at NTSC (American) speed. Start right after the Paramount logo on the countdown.

SMEAR YOUR FOREHEAD WITH GREASE! SPRAY YOUR FACE WITH CHROME! DRINK GUZZLEINE IN VALHALLA WITH DONALD TRUMP'S GRANDSON IMMORTAN JOE TRUMP! IT'S MAD MAX: FURY ROAD! WITH JIMMY B! AND ENGINE NOISES! AND ELECTRIC GUITAR! AND a Skype dropout at 1:17:05 but we fix it and everything and HEAD BACK TO GET US SOME WATER!

Join me as I take on the worst terrorist organization in history, SPECTRE. I compare the film to other Daniel Craig Bonds, other Bonds of other sorts, other action movies, Inglourious Basterds, Jaws, and corporate projects I've worked on. I accuse it of being a really expensive fan film. And I mis-remember which Blofeld had the scar (Donald Pleasence, not Telly Savalas). I praise the acting and the set pieces and the gun butler; I complain about the office and hotel scenes where nothing happens and the action scenes where stuff does happen; and I do the world's best imitation of Christoph Waltz. I fail to recognize clinic barman Victor Schefé, star of Bewegte Männer. I obsess over the secret room in the Hotel L'Americain and make up a whole back story about it. I put forth a seven point argument for Hinx being based on Jaws and not Red Grant (take that, Wikipedia!). I disbelieve Blofeld's whole operation. I apologize to international assassins (again). And I try to figure out how many helicopters Bond has stashed in his garage. Bonus: Listen to the end for my pick for the next Bond!

After a long absence, and now much older and wiser, Drew returns to set us straight about Star Wars. And I wreck things and generally act childish. We lament the familiarity of the plot and some character choices. We debate weather Daisy Ridley is actually Keira Knightly (me: yes; Drew: probably not), and whether the stormtroopers are "thick" and/or "phat". We volley back and forth with our deep, deep knowledge of the Star Wars Extended Universe, most of which is made up. We ponder the reason why Kylo Ren is there, why Finn instantly goes from Conscientious Objector to Hollywood Hero, who is making robots that feel bad, and why any of this happens.

John Pavlich and I open up J J Abrams' mystery box and like what we see, if only because it reminds us so much of all the films we loved from our childhood. We heap praise all over the place, repeated forgive it its sins and excesses, and try to nitpick anachronisms. We're watching the Blu-ray. Start right after the Paramount logo on the countdown.

Join me in watching the fifth and by no means final episode in the Ethan Hunt saga, in which IMF—gasp!—gets shut down and Ethan—gulp!—goes rogue. Insiders turn out to be bad guys! Ethan works with a beautiful mystery woman he isn't sure he can trust! They steal something they don't understand and give it to the villain! I know this sounds like every other Mission: Impossible film! But this one is even better than most of the others! I compare it to the other films, to James Bond (again [too much {again}]), to the TV show, to Hitchcock, to Faust, to Foul Play, and to Phantom Menace. I tiptoe around Cruise's real life, explain the geography of Europe and the design of my swimming pool, fail to remember Timothy Dalton's name (it's Living Daylights's cargo plane scene I was thinking of), do an impression of Luther that is half Ving Rhames and half Tracy Morgan, point out a couple of substantial logic gaps, and complain endlessly about how much I like the film.

Jimmy and I take a rambling look at Marvel's Ant-Man (after a brief bit of confusion over which movie we're watching) and express our (reserved) love for it. We praise the look and art design, the actors, and the writing. And we discuss which aspects of the writing and directing don't work as well.

Martin is back! (He has a codename: Faldor. Both of us do. It's cool. It's not weird.) We bust out of space prison and give Guardians of the Galaxy a good going over (which mainly consists of saying that it's fun and cool and the plot is kind of unnecessary). It's the heartwarming story of a boy who gets kidnapped and leads a life of crime and sexual depravity, with few friends and many enemies. The film has too many villains and too many endings and some shaky acting but works anyway because of its excess of charm. We praise Marvel, Chris Pratt, Bradley Cooper, Karen Gillen, the soundtrack, and—surprisingly—James Gunn. We guess at what the soundtrack of the sequel will include. We compare it to The Avengers, Star Wars, Moonraker, Up, Reservoir Dogs, and—spoilers—The Cabin in the Woods. For some reason, we discuss every Star Trek show and come to the conclusion that this is different. Also Firefly, because duh. We get into a fight over The Lost Boys, The Goonies, and—spoilers—The Cabin in the Woods.

Join Jimmy and me to have a lot of fun with the original The Omen. We compare it to the other films in the series, the remake, Jaws, and other Richard Donner films (hey, would Damien make a good Goonie? There's a question we didn't ask). We praise the acting, wonder what God is up to these days, praise baboons for keeping us Antichrist-free for 2000 years, and eventually recast the film with Muppets.

John Pavlich is back for another horror-comedy romp, this time with Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward vs sand worms. We revel in the B-movie cheesiness that works better than most A movies. We compare it to the sequels, Jaws, Maximum Overdrive, and other slasher and siege films. We speculate on the biology of the creatures and their closest living relatives. We analyze set-up and payoff. We mark the points of Val's character arcs (two of them!).

Join me as I am joined by Jim Brown (the regular one, not the one from the movie) as we pursue Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Conchita Alonso thru the quads in this 1980s heartwarming tale of 2010s' excess and televised mayhem. We compare it to other Arnie movies, The Hunger Games, and modern reality TV. I praise Richard Dawson up and down. And we try to figure out why Dweezil Zappa is in this movie. We talk about the fact that it was a troubled production, the 80s-ness of the wardrobe and whatnot, and the creepiness of the lady who might harbor rape fantasies. I think we fail to credit Stephen King as the novelist (under the Richard Bachman name). And Jimmy calls me on a Fleetwood Mac reference. Bonus: find out which stalker I'm making a cos-play costume of! NOTE: Skype throws us off our game a bit, I'm afraid. The connection breaks down 5 times, but I double-checked the sync. I've artfully covered the gaps with Fleetwood Mac music. Just bear with us.

Just in time for the US Independence Day celebration, join Faldor (Martin from The Extended Edition) and me for a tour of the president's mansion in Washington, DC, with your tour guide, Roland Emmerich! We praise--and occasionally knock--the CGI. We compare it to Olympus Has Fallen, obviously, Die Hard, other Roland Emmerich films, and Step Up to the Streets (not really). I talk a bit about the geography of the White House and the nature of the Secret Service. We discuss 10 Downing Street, Jamie Foxx, my other website WhiteHouseMuseum.org, how sprinkler systems work, and why the PEOC only has black-and-white TVs.

Join Jimmy and me as we take a hard look at '80s classic Highlander. It's a film we both once loved but which has, like Connor McCloud, hasn't changed at all while we've grown old and cynical. Jimmy loves his native Scotland, and we both respect and admire New York... within certain parameters. We try to figure out the rules of the contest. We compare the film to other '80s films discuss other films by Russell Mulcahy and... earrings and stuff. We do drift a little in the middle when the film wanders a bit and discuss American and UK TV standards and practices in the '80s and now.