You Already Know with James Creviston

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A giant shark has made waves on TikTok after it was filmed swimming near a ship. After over 37 million views TikTok concluded they're going to need a bigger server.Spanish police are investigating the death of a 39-year-old man whose body was found inside a dinosaur statue. It turns out that all the dinosaurs were man-eaters. New research has suggested that humans could live to 150, which is twice the current average life expectancy. Upon hearing the announcement Congress raised the eligible age to get Social Security to 125. An Australian man went viral after opening a safe he had found five years ago only to discover that within it, was a single XXX condom... As in a branded condom, from the 2002 movie starring Vin Diesel! Just like the film the condom was considered a waste of a safe space. Waste heat from data centers and sewage works are set to keep many people warm in Britain. The creator of the technology has used a similar technology to warm his own bed, via farts. A 2-year-old girl from Los Angeles has become the youngest American member of Mensa. She has already started her own TikTok to capitalize on her new fame.HBO Max has announced they finally finished filming the FRIENDS reunion show. It runs out that it was the reunion even the friends didn't want. These are the jokes for May 31, 2021. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.Dunkin Donuts has released a direct-to-consumer paint brand in their iconic colors. Your home can not only look like a Dunkin Donuts but it can smell like a Dunkin Donuts as well with smells like morning breath, B.O. and homeless urine.Airlines are considering weighing passengers before flights as U.S. obesity rates climb. Airlines said they would change based on weight, emotional baggage will be charged separately. Kellogg's has announced they are making Cereal Boxes smaller to reduce cardboard use. However the amount of air in the bag will stay the same.Alabama beachgoers found 31 kilograms of cocaine across a beach in Gulf Shores, worth over $1 million dollars. Beachgoers knew it was cocaine as soon as spring breakers and Wall Street traders descended on the beach. An alligator reportedly chased several people through a Wendy's parking lot in Florida. The gator told police it would have stopped had they given his Jr. bacon Cheeseburger back.Superstar singer and actress Cher turned 75. Sadly she still hasn't figured out how to “turn back time”.These are the jokes for May 24, 2021. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.Space Force Lieutenant Colonel Matthew Lohmeier was fired after he made comments on a conservative podcast. The comments included praise of Space X, verifying aliens exist, and that Space Force is just a bad show on Netflix.North Carolina Police solved a rash of crimes after the Thief got a flat tire causing him to be hit by 18-wheeler. Police were happy they only had to semi-solve the crime. A recent study asked people what animals they thought they could beat in a fight with many overestimating they could take a goose. The results also showed that men thought they could take down gorillas, bears, and their mother in laws. In other news UFC President Dana White has announced his newest fighting league titled the Animal Fighting Championship. A woman was left dismayed after her neighbor accused her of forcing her son to eat “ethnic food”. When asked what ethnic food her son could have, the woman stated, None, he only eats Pizza Hut, Panda Express, or Taco Bell. A diver in Australia spotted a fish wearing a gold wedding ring. The diver was excited that he had finally seen a goldfish in the wild.A new species of dinosaur identified by Mexican paleontologists is believed to have been "very communicative" and used low-frequency sounds like elephants to talk to each other. The dinosaurs were not known to have lived long as they talked so much their social life became extinct. These are the jokes for May 17, 2021. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.New York Governor Andrew Cuomo implied that unvaccinated people could ‘Wind Up Killing Your Grandmother'. Officials are taking the claim seriously since Cuomo has killed more Grandmothers than anyone. A Missouri woman clearing overgrowth from her backyard found a “live” World War II-era Japanese bomb. Finding the bomb really blew up her weekend plans. A Florida teen that allegedly rigged the election for homecoming queen is being charged as an adult. While awaiting trial she has been hired as the head of election security at Dominion.A Philippine collector has amassed a super-sized collection of over 20,000 fast-food toys. In addition to the toys he has also amassed a supersized case of diabetes. A farmer in Belgium has inadvertently redrawn the country's border with France by moving a stone marking the boundary between the two countries. And just like any other incident the French have been involved in they apologized and accepted the loss.A new report has found that lumber costs have added $36,000 to the average price of a new home. This was not news for men with ED as they already knew it was expensive to get wood.A Florida woman found a cigarette inside her Taco Bell meal. Not to be outdone Waffle House has started adding Hashish to their hash browns.These are the jokes for May 10, 2021. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A beachgoer stumbled upon 65 pounds of cocaine that had washed ashore in Tampa, Florida. The man only realized it was cocaine after he got a rush from snorting what he thought was white sand.The Biden administration is expected to announce a ban on menthol cigarettes, in order to protect African American communities. The administration has said it wants to expand the ban to include fried chicken, watermelon, and grape soda. In an effort to bring back diners, Hooters is opening a new, fast-casual restaurant chain spinoff. The spinoff will be a quicker service kiosk with the same food and will be called Itty Bittys.Ohio Republicans introduced a bill to rename a State park after Donald Trump. The park was picked because it is already a great place to get groped against your will. A woman was charged with a felony for not returning a VHS tape 21 years late. The woman was so mad at the charges she didn't even rewind.A Nigerian teen was offered 19 scholarships worth more than $5 million from the US and Canadian schools. All of it will of course go to help her cousin, a wronged Nigerian Prince.Country Music legend Willie Nelson celebrated his 88th birthday. Instead of cake he had brownies and he doesn't remember it's his birthday. These are the jokes for May 3, 2021. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.Amazon has announced it is bringing palm-reading payment tech to Whole Foods stores. So you can get your palms read in the Vegan aisle and at the register.New research has revealed that traces of radioactive fallout from nuclear tests in the 1950s and 1960s can still be found in American honey. So move over Incredible Hulk here comes The Incredible Drone.President Joe Biden pledged to cut U.S. greenhouse gas pollution in half by 2030. He has started by cutting his own bean intake and banning Taco Tuesdays. According to a new tell all Prince Philip had ‘only one complaint' about Queen Elizabeth during their 73-year marriage. It turns out that he couldn't stand her Dutch ovening him in bed. Polish Animal Control officers detained what was reported to be an animal stuck in a tree, but instead turned out to be a croissant. Authorities detained the croissant and disposed of it during lunch. A Ukrainian airline is commemorating the 35th anniversary of the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant disaster by offering an aerial tour of the site. The flight includes a tour, snacks, and an extreme form of cancer. A fight over the name of Josh drew a crowd of hundreds from around the country to a Nebraska park on April 24th for a heated pool-noodle brawl. Following the battle there was no longer any Americans named Josh. These are the jokes for April 26, 2021. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.Chrissy Teigen has made her comeback to Twitter just over three weeks after her dramatic exit. She showed back up in style this time culturally appropriating from good people. New Mexico Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham has paid $62,500 to a former staffer accusing her of grabbing his crotch and laughing at him in front of his co-workers. Turns out only Trump can garb someone by their genitals. The World's largest rabbit is missing and has been presumed stolen. In other news the worlds largest rabbit stew has be inducted into the Guinness World Records.Former U.S. Vice President Mike Pence received a heart pacemaker device. Doctors say that it explained why he never liked anyone this whole time as he was missing a heart.Two new puppies are reportedly comforting the Queen. The “puppies” are reported to be rescues from the men's show Thunder From Down Under. The NYPD is using robot police dogs to patrol the city. And unlike Joe Biden's dogs or police horses they won't cover everything in poop.West Virginia is offering $12,000 to New Remote Workers if they move to the state. Requirements for the program require new residents to learn to squeal like a pig and play the banjo. These are the jokes for April 19, 2021. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A New Jersey high school teacher who called a student a "loser" in a Facebook post has had her teaching license suspended for two years. She is the loser of her job.Researchers say complaints and "humble-brags" about being too busy or overworked have replaced stories about vacations and skipping out of work for a round of golf or a ballgame as ways of signaling social status. I wanted to give you a punch line for this story but I couldn't get away from work.Researchers at George Mason University have created a synthetic version of an antimicrobial compound using a substance in Komodo dragon blood. It's also the same thing that is inside Purell.Scientists have created a device that can pull drinking water from the air using only the power of sunlight. God has created something similar, it's called a cloud.A recents study has found that clean eating is a “ticking timebomb” that could leave young people with weak bones. The study also went on to say that the McRib is back.These are the jokes for April 18, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.Prince Philip, the lifelong companion of Queen Elizabeth II, died at the age of 99. Within hours the Queen announced she was single on both Facebook and her new Tinder profile. Rapper DMX passed away at 50-years-old this week. All services will be held at any public park where Ruff Ryders anthem is still blasted during BBQs. The University of Kentucky mistakenly sent acceptance emails to 500,000 high school seniors. 499,900 wrote back saying they rejected the invitation.A volcano in the southern Caribbean that had been dormant for decades erupted. Scientists now explain that it wasn't a volcano, it was just Stella getting her groove back.Tom Brady has announced he is launching an NFT company. Following the announcement the market for NFTs suddenly deflated.Virginia became the first Southern state to legalize marijuana. In support for the new bill the Governor pushed to change the states travel slogan to “Virginia is for weed lovers.”Lake Superior State University is offering its first scholarship to study cannabis. The scholarship allows students to get paid to study cannabis as well as “get high on the schools supply.”These are the jokes for April 12, 2021. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.Researchers at a cosmetic surgery group have declared Prince William the World's Sexiest Bald Man. Outraged by the snubbing Vin Diesel is requesting a recount. A brain is disease popping up in California's bear population which makes the black bears unafraid of humans. This is especially worrisome for black bears that interact with police. Officials are warning callers to be on the lookout for calls that use a four-word phrase as it can be dangerous. That four word phrase is “We need to talk.”President Biden's German shepherds are being accused of pooping in the White House hallways. Reporters were disgusted by the incident but said it's better than being bitten as they tried to poop in the White House bathroom.Jill Biden pulled an April Fools' Day prank on the media and her staff. It turns out she was the one pooping on the White House floor. A team of archeologists has discovered that people were collecting crystals over 105 thousand years ago. They also found that they were just as annoying as the ones who collect crystals today.Students in Burlington, Vermont, are now attending high school in a former Macy's department store inside the mall. School officials say there's no better way for them to truly understand how capitalism works.These are the jokes for April 5, 2021. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A 94-year-old American woman is celebrating more than four decades of working at McDonald's restaurants. Until, she gets turned into a Quarter pounder with cheese.Miami Beach Police Department has purchased Two Drones. just in time for spring break. Huma Abedin says she's working hard on her marriage with Anthony Weiner. But, not as hard as Carlos Danger is working on sexting teens.RESEARCHERS have uncovered the real secret to making your job suck less, by making your spouse suck more.A Stray wCat that Wandered Into Nursing Home recieved a Permanent Job Offer. He'll be there 9 times longer than the residents.A report has stated that Robots could take over 38 percent of US jobs within about 15 years, As of now they have take over 100% of jobs in the bedroom.A Florida wild fire started by book burning destroyed at least 10 homes. And trees used for making more books.1 in 4 people believe robots would make better politicians. The other three were robots.Hillary Clinton has a Whiskey Named After Her As a Tribute to Women in History. Tasters described the flavor as old and bitter.These are the jokes for March 28, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A recent study has found that College football players lack sufficient vitamin D while college cheerleaders are almost always full of it.According to a new study, Following GPS or satnav instructions turn off part of the brain that is normally used for navigation. While consuming alcohol, just shuts off the entire brain.An Expert Claims that selfies Are Giving People Head Lice while SnapChat is giving people STDs.President Trump has Signed a Bill Authorizing NASA Funding for Mars Exploration. As always he will privately fund any explorations of Uranus.Arkansas has Split Its Shared Holiday For Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert E. Lee. From now on they will be know as Ebony and Ivory Days.Tom Brady's Stolen Super Bowl Jersey has been found in Mexico. Finally a deportation everyone can get behind.Tiffany Trump wants to go to Law School she thinks she has a great shot since she graduated top of her class from Trump University.Hillary Clinton says she's 'ready to come out of the woods. Now everyone wants to now when she'll be ready to come out of the closet.These are the jokes for Rob and Slim Show on March 22, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.New research has found a link between mental illness and infections caused by a group of bacteria commonly found in cats and other animals. After hearing the results of the study men everywhere said Duh. The National WWI Museum and Memorial has created over 500 Great War GIFs for every occasion. Because nothing says thank you for your service more than teenagers posting your worst life experience as memes on Reddit.7-Eleven has announced that they are opening a drive-thru taco restaurant. They claim it's the fastest way to get tacos, a Slurpee, and Diarrhea. Krispy Kreme is running a promotion where they're giving away free doughnuts to everyone who shows a COVID-19 vaccination card through the end of 2021. In other news Diabetes related deaths among people with the COVID-19 vaccination are on the rise. KFC is partnering with Meals on Wheels America to help provide meals to homebound seniors in need. So already lonely seniors will be sure to be alone when they have a massive heart attack after eating their delivered KFC. A New Jersey woman who created a free library in front of her home says town told her to take it down. The town said that they could not consider it a actually library because there was no one peeing between the shelves and no homeless people were encamped outside. These are the jokes for March 29, 2021. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

I wanted to drop an episode to let you know I uncovered some news jokes I've never done before so you'll see some EXTRA episodes popping up in your stream. So please enjoy them, like, subscribe, and give me a review of the show.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.Two men claim they're the rightful owner of a $1.9 million Ferrari. A Judge has said if they can't work it out, he will cut in in half so they can each own the Ferrari.Half-ton of marijuana valued at over $8 million was found by dog on routine traffic stop. And that was just what Joe Rogan had in his pocket.A Virginia man's Airbnb stay took a turn after he discovered a concealed room behind his air vent. The room wasn't anything sinister just where they kept President Biden between photo ops. A fitness center in Florida has introduced hens and roosters to its yogi sessions. Guests can have chickens walk, peck, poop, and lay eggs while they perform yoga and then after the session decide which one will be lunch. Australian police fined a toddler and his father after the toddler steered the father's car around a car park. The police became suspicious that the child was not old enough to drive when he tried to buy diapers and formula in a drive thru. These are the jokes for March 22, 2021. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.Nicholas Cage married his 26-year-old girlfriend Riko Shibata in Las Vegas. It was another role that he acted in that no one believed.A Dutch survey found that young people are spending half of their stimulus checks on stocks; the rest was taken by their parents for rent. Scientists discovered what they are calling the “Lamborghini” of chariots in the ruins of Pompeii. The chariot has already been excavated and pimped by Xzibit. Tinder has reported that dating profiles with the words “covid vaccinated” and “fully vaccinated” have made those profiles more desirable. While posting a nude with an “I Voted Sticker” has shown to get your profile shared on Parler.A new United Nations report found that 17% of the food produced globally each year is wasted. It turns out none of the parents threatening to send their children's food to Africa has ever followed through.The world's first 3D-printed school is planned for Madagascar. Unfortunately due to permit issues, once it's built they'll have to move it, move it.University researchers have found that conversations between people usually do not end when either partner in the conversation wants them to end. Researches recommend that people no longer communicate outside of texts. These are the jokes for March, 15 2021. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.White House Unveiled Melania Trumps Official FLOTUS Portrait, the photo has been touched up more than any woman Trump has had alone.So many journalists have been killed in Mexico this year that one newspaper is shutting down in other news a paper of just obituaries is really taking off.Reports show that Elizabeth Warrens office paid female staffers 71% of what male staffers made in 2016. As they only worked 71% of each month. Arctic Ground Squirrels Re-Experience Puberty Every Spring. Which explains why they always have a high pitched voice.A group of High school journalists investigated a new principal's credentials forcing her to resign. When asked about it, she took off her mask and said “And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids.”Man infected with pig disease in freak laboratory accident, it was reported he got it by sowing his oats.A Cannibalism Study has Found that People Are Not That Nutritious and that American are high in fat.An Undocumented Man Whose Wife Voted For Trump Has Been Deported. On the bright side he saved money on the divorce.These are the jokes for April 11, 2017. I'm James Creviston you and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A Santa lookalike has been arrested in Florida for selling cocaine, because to him everyday is a snow day.Nearly half the students at a high school in Pennsylvania have been given suspension notices for missing too much class time. They aren't worried as all of them have been pre accepted to Trump University.A Pennsylvania based company has come up baby-sized high heels. Making learning to walk, twice as hard as normal.A recent survey has found that more, older women are drinking hard, but only because their college aged boyfriends think it's hot.The worlds oldest DJ is still spinning at age 82. I really thought Moby was much younger.Washington D.C. is among first in the nation to require child-care workers to get college degrees. So far they have been flooded with resumes from Carlos Danger.The US government no longer lists the Manatee as endangered. Turns out that without fat shaming their suicide rates drop.A tornado in Tennessee has exposed a pot growing operation. If only the tornado would have puff, puff, passed over his house.Russians Say They Want Alaska Back, Democrats are willing to negotiate as long as Russia claims the Palins.These are the jokes for April 4, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A 94-year-old American woman is celebrating more than four decades of working at McDonald's restaurants. Until, she gets turned into a Quarter pounder with cheese.Miami Beach Police Department has purchased Two Drones. just in time for spring break. Huma Abedin says she's working hard on her marriage with Anthony Weiner. But, not as hard as Carlos Danger is working on sexting teens.RESEARCHERS have uncovered the real secret to making your job suck less, by making your spouse suck more.A Stray Cat that Wandered Into Nursing Home recieved a Permanent Job Offer. He'll be there 9 times longer than the residents.A report has stated that Robots could take over 38 percent of US jobs within about 15 years, As of now they have take over 100% of jobs in the bedroom.A Florida wild fire started by book burning destroyed at least 10 homes. And trees used for making more books.1 in 4 people believe robots would make better politicians. The other three were robots.Hillary Clinton has a Whiskey Named After Her As a Tribute to Women in History. Tasters described the flavor as old and bitter.These are the jokes for March 28, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A Florida man has been charged with giving illegal butt injections that left a woman in the hospital. He is now getting similar injections in prison.The LA Sherrifs Dept. Wasted 100K on Gold Belt Buckles. Even more wasteful was the matching gold watches.The Chicago River Has Been Dyed Green for St. Patricks Day. Making it even healthier than Flint water.A Man has died while charging his iPhone and using it in the bath. It was the first and last time the iDead feature was used.Eddie Murphy is reportedly working on a 'Coming to America' Sequel. It's called Deported From America.A Man has been arrested for pleasuring himself at McDonald's. In other news McDonalds is introducing a Happy Ending Meal.Dog the Bounty Hunter has become the victim of crime. And his barber was charged with committing it. A Kentucky Woman was arrested after entering the Hall of Justice with a loaded gun and a bottle of rum. She was also heard singing Yo Ho Yo Ho, A pirate's life for me.A Blind woman says she and her guide dog were kicked off plane. Or at least what smelled like a plane.These are the jokes for March 21, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.Double-beds are coming to business class on some airlines. Now you can get down to business and join the mile high club.Greek farmers clashed with police during a reforms protest. One officer commented, “I've never seen so many hoes.”There's a new Dating App For Finding People As Lazy As You Are. But no one is using it. James Corden Revealed he once spanked Donald Trump's butt. That explains whom Donald Trump grabbed.Nobody has seen Richard Simmons for over 1,000 days. And no one is looking for him.California wants to tax liquor to pay for tampons. Making it less likely anyone will want to order a bloody Mary.Uber self-driving cars are coming back to California roads. Officials in California have stated that drivers have no need to worry as the 405 will still be a parking lot.A 5-foot-long dead shark was left in the parking lot of a Florida Wal-Mart just days before another dead shark was found nearby. Luckily no Disney World children were found in it's stomach.Amazon has brought Prime to Mexico. All of the packages are delivered by mule…drug mule.These are the jokes for March 14, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.100-Year-Old Woman Gots Arrested Because It Was On Her to "Bucket List". The sexual assault she received however was not.Two Harvard administrators are accused of embezzling cash from the disabled for sex toys. In the end they only screwed themselves.A Florida man was arrested for repeatedly stealing his neighbor's underwear from her garage. SWAT had to be called in for a panty raid.A group of high school students were suspended for forming human swastika. Sadly it took away from the hard work of the Jewish students and their human pyramid. Home Depot is the latest retailer to announce that it's hiring, saying that it's aiming to fill more than 80,000 jobs in time for the springtime rush. They are proud they won't have to lay anyone off since Trump will just be deporting them.A Nonprofit is protesting circumcision across Florida. Their motto? Cut it out.A 'Smart Condom' has been created, it is a FitBit that Measures Performance During Sex. It's not however ribbed for her pleasure.One woman's dream wedding will take place in a Taco Bell while she's wearing a dress made of burrito wrappers. He soon to be husbands plans to run to the border.These are the jokes for March 7, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A Body was found in a closet at Hollywood's Magic Castle. Talk about a skeleton in a closet.Ikea has created a Quick-Assembling Refugee Shelter that Lasts Up To 3 Years. Which is still not long enough to outlast the Trump presidency. Former President Barack Obama caused a scene when he visited an office building in New York City he was met by cheers and one boo. The building was Trump Tower.Police have discovered an "enormous" cannabis farm in an underground nuclear bunker. Unfortunately all the food had already been eaten. Belief in demons and evil spirits is linked to poorer mental health, according to research published in the Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion. Which explains why Hillary Clinton did so poor on the election trail.A Miami gym owner has been arrested on charges of selling steroids from China. His clients were both pumping and injecting iron.A Russian Programmer has 3D-Printed a T-800 Terminator Robot Complete with Artificial Intelligence. It is currently sitting in the White House.A study has found that Men who exercise more may have lower libidos. And men who fail to exercise reduce a woman's libido.These are the jokes for February 28, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A police officer filed a discrimination lawsuit after he was told to 'tone down his gayness'. To which he replied flame on.Katy Perry has released a shoe named after Hillary Clinton, it's called second place.The founder of Little Caesars has admitted to discreetly paying Rosa Parks' rent for years, as she would never eat the pizza he sent.A man stood under the loose P of a stores sign in hopes that it would fall and he could sue. Turns out It wasn't the first time he hung around to get pee on him.A college student in Ohio won the title of best grocery bagger. He also won the award for least likely to succeed. A report has found Canada has worst ER wait time, proving that poutine is the silent killer.A Michigan Teacher has been investigated for duct taping a student to a chair to control their hand gestures. Proving that even deaf students have a filthy vocab. Scientists have uncovered a Continent Hiding In Plain Sight called Zealandia, and by in plain sight they mean in the Lord Of the Rings books.Scientists have created a robot called 'Plan Bee' to mimic how bees pollinate flowers and crops. It also drops off drugs to get over your one-night stand.These are the jokes for February 21, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.An Omaha man is accused of trying to start Pokemon Go turf war. Police have advised against wearing red, blue, or yellow around Pokestops.Scientists in Iceland have Successfully Drilled Into A Volcano's Belly. And of course it spewed.Domino's is now offering a wedding registry. It's intended for those who want extra discomfort in their bowels while saying their vows.Wikipedia has called Daily Mail a 'unreliable' source for website. This from the only encyclopedia anyone can modify.A former journalist has created An Algorithm to Spot Serial Killers. White, Mid to Late 30s, Religious, Sexual Frustrated or Confused. So just start at the White House.The 2018 Winter Olympics is 1 year away. Donald Trump replied, “I can't wait to see how many medals we win for Russia.”According to scientist, Humans are causing the climate to change 170 times faster than natural forces. Most of that is due to hot air coming out of Washington DCOmarosa of Apprentice fame, went to the hospital for an injury she suffered at the White House. Sources say the President grabbed her too hard.An 'Orange Alligator' Has Been Spotted In North Carolina. The secret service were confused on how they lost the President.These are the jokes for February 14, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.Homicides in Mexico rose by 22 percent in 2016 the highest rate of increase since the height of the drug war. When President Trump was asked about it, he said some of those, I assume, were good people.Iran on Friday banned U.S. wrestlers from participating in competition in response to President Donald Trump's executive order. The Iron Sheik was relieved that he could retain his belt for one more year.A new study found there is a strong link between the loss of sense of smell and death. Which makes sense because if you are dead, you probably can't smell.A former Royal Canadian Mint employee who stole 22 pieces of gold by hiding them in his rectum has been sentenced to prison. He already has a prison nickname, Goldanus.Artificial intelligence has made history by beating humans in poker, the last remaining game in which humans had managed to maintain the upper hand. Unless, of course, you've ever been to Las Vegas. A New Jersey Girl Scout Who called Cookies 'Flavorless, Gluten-Free Wasteland' sold More Than 16,000 Boxes. Proving that anyone who eats gluten free has no taste.The radiation level at Fukushima power plant has reached the highest level since the core meltdown in March 2011. In other news Mothra and Godzilla have been sited at Fukushima.These are the jokes for February 7, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A Florida wildlife park is drawing viral attention thanks to an unusual resident -- an albino alligator with all-white skin and pink eyes. It's the first white minority in Florida's history.A study released says that dabbing your pizza can help lower the fat in slice. While doing the Whip and Nae Nae will get you kicked out of the party.It was reported that Donald Trump's Name in Chinese is Pronounced 'Tay Long Poo'. To which Russia replied, I think you mean He Lik Pee.North Korea is preparing to host an annual international marathon. The winner will receive $10,000, the losers will have to stay in North Korea.San Francisco has the lowest percentage of kids of any major U.S. city, but the largest amount of crybabies.An American man was accused of aiding ISIS by sending them gift cards. To be fair all of them were for AmazonDotBomb.A nutritionist was asked to pick the healthiest items on McDonald's menu. The nutritionist responded by saying, just eat a happy meal, box.A Florida woman has been charged after police say she hit an officer with a used tampon. Witnesses called it a blood bath.These are the jokes for January 31, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.TrumpSingles.com is a Donald Trump Singles Dating Website. And just like Trump's wives they are gold diggers from Russia.Children's health experts are calling Sugar the 'alcohol of the child'. What they meant to say was Meth.Donald Trump is set to Meet Vladimir Putin In Iceland As First Foreign Presidential Trip. Or as they are calling it, a Honeymoon.Giuliani Made a 9/11 Sex Joke at Pre-Inauguration Luncheon. Just like 9/11 it killed.An Unusual Rat Virus Struck 8 People in Illinois and Wisconsin. Scientist came back and said, “Never mind, that's just how people in those states look.”A Public poll was taken to decide where the Jupiter probe should point its camera. The answer was of course was Uranus.$70,000 worth of cocaine was found inside Jamaican beef patties. The agents were surprised it wasn't full of weed.Drug lord "El Chapo" Guzman was extradited from Mexico to the US. He was captured during his binge watching of Netflix's hit series Narcos.Scientists will live in a dome for 8 months to simulate Mars. For support they brought along Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin.These are the jokes for January 24, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.The D.O.D. wants "biodegradable training ammunition loaded with specialized seeds to grow environmentally beneficial plants. So your death and funeral can happen all at once.A viral video shows a Brazilian man winning 3.5 Million Dollars In Roulette. Only to be robbed in a gas station bathroom by a fake swim team.A California shoe company is recalling a series of work boots that leave swastika imprints on the ground. They were known as the David Dukes.A book of short stories has been returned to a San Francisco library 100 years after the due date. Making it the longest book of short stories ever read.A Virginia man used 300,000 pennies to pay sales tax on two cars at the Department of Motor Vehicles. When he found that he overpaid, he let them keep the change.An Elderly Woman was arrested for Making Fur Coats with Neighbor's Cats. Proving that there is in fact only one way to skin a cat.Swiss town denies passport to Dutch vegan because she is ‘too annoying'. Or in other words acts like a vegan.Lady Liberty depicted as African American on new $100 coin. Coining the new phrase “making it hail”.These are the jokes for January 17, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A Grandmother Realized She's Been Praying To A 'Lord of the Rings' Figure For A Decade. Explaining why she always referred to it as here “precious”.One company has come out with a Device that will turn your fruit into cider that will get you drunk. It has already made it on every inmates Amazon Wish List.Japan Has Cut Obesity to 3.5% in a Controversial Way That Wouldn't Fly in America. And it's called Fat Shaming. 'Daredevil' Jumps From Balcony To Pool. Misses. Sets-Up GoFundMe Page For $250,000 Hospital Bill. America sets up a GoFundMe Page to sterilize him.78-Year-Old Indian Woman Eating Sand is Key to Her Good Health. It is not however a key to good skin.A Driver in the UK lost a car in parking garage -- for six months. Finally her husband got off the couch and found it.A Family Has Been Living In The Arctic Circle Since 2013 In A Self-Built House Under A Solar Geodesic Dome. Along with them was Stephen Baldwin and Paulie Shore. Clinique Introduces Crayola Crayons You Can Use On Your Face. Otherwise known as makeup.These are the jokes for January 10, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks jokes.A New York Woman stole a Snowman to Buy Drugs. She thought she could trade the giant crack rock for heroin. A New Jersey state trooper is accused pulling over women just to ask them out on dates. Giving a new meaning to Stop & Frisk.Spain plans to replace 'Nazi time zone' with GMT, allowing the United States to use the name to replace Central Time.Scientists are Racing To Preserve Climate Change Data Before Trump Takes Office. As it turns out they are doing about as good at saving data as they are in saving the planet. The Library of Congress picked 25 "culturally, historically or aesthetically significant" American movies for preservation in the National Film Registry including the 'Lion King,' 'Princess Bride,' and 'The Birds'. Sadly, Titanic did not make the listing sinking into contention for next year. An Indiana community recently lifted a 60-year-old ban on pinball. The lift comes after a neighboring town lifted a ban on dancing.A woman has died after falling into a giant mixer that was stirring molten chocolate. The woman was reported to be a huge fan of Willy Wonka. NASA researchers says Earth is long overdue for ‘extinction-level' event. To which most Americans responded, what do you call November 8th?These are the jokes for January 3, 2017. I'm James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A woman trying to take a picture of a dolphin at SeaWorld in Florida got her iPad snatched right out of her hands. It was upset that she kept encouraging it to twerk.Fire officials in Washington say a resident sparked a small fire in an apartment while trying to kill cockroaches with a homemade flamethrower. He misunderstood the term home BBQ. The Italian coast guard has rescued and revived a kitten that was drowning by using massage and mouth-to-mouth, after children on shore drew attention to its plight. When asked about how he learned such a skill the sailor stated he had attended many massage parlors.A Chinese tourist who lost his wallet in Germany signed the wrong paperwork and ended up being placed in a refugee home. It was found he checked the box marked Syrian. A Wisconsin man has his prosthetic leg back after the lost limb was discovered sticking out of a beaver dam by two canoers. It was the first time a pirate got his wooden leg back. Two versions of a New Jersey man's obituary have appeared together in a newspaper — one saying he's survived by his wife, and the other saying he's survived by his girlfriend. He is just happy he did not survive otherwise he would have been killed by his wife or girlfriend. Airline officials say they called for help after a passenger was found stowing a monkey in his shirt during a Las Vegas-bound flight. It seems Carrot Top has a new prop in his act.The water in the Olympic diving pool was bright green on Tuesday, baffling at least one competitor who said she could not see her partner underwater, although organizers said that it did not pose any danger to health. One team was overheard being chastised by their coach for peeing in the pool. Authorities say they've discovered what they believe is a methamphetamine lab under the parking lot of a Wal-Mart store in western New York. It was only found because unlike most Wal-Mart's it was turning a profit. These are the jokes for August 15, 2016. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.Some fish tackle ocean global warming by pretending it's night. It's kind of like how most women pretend they are blind to not talk to you.Authorities say a man caught climbing a fence at a Southern California jail was trying to get in, not out. When questioned he said he was trying to catch a rare Pokemon, called RapeAChu. Police in New York City are searching for two men who broke into an unlocked apartment and made off with a pet bunny. The bunny is described, as small, white, angry and voiced by Kevin Hart. Police in one New Hampshire City are trying to find out who spray painted "I'm drunk" on the side of their station over the weekend. We have no leads said the police chief as he clasped his two blue painted hands together. Fifteen human skulls are among more than 100 items that went unaccounted for in a routine inventory at the University of Connecticut Health Center. In an unrelated story the Hillary Clinton tour bus is now outfitted with 15 skulls. A New Jersey man is going to federal court to keep "Pokemon Go" players off his lawn. When asked about it the kids replied, “We just came to visit Grandpa.”Nearly 100 domesticated ducks that officials say were illegally released in New Jersey are expected to be available for adoption early next week. The leading adopters include several local Chinese restaurants. A long-time FBI employee with top secret security clearance faces up to 10 years in prison after pleading guilty to being an agent of the Chinese government. Proving once again that we get everything from China. A pair of teen boys in New Jersey reeled in a 6-foot shark at a local beach before helping it back out to the ocean. In a related story two boys were eaten by a 6 foot shark. A Dutch man waited in an airport for 10 days after flying to China to meet up with a woman he met on an online dating app. He did however meet up with a Nigerian price who needed help getting millions out of his country. Pokemon Go has made its way onto the US presidential campaign trail with the staff of both major candidates appealing to users of the smartphone game to catch voters. Players have responded with questions like, “How do I catch that blonde Charizard ? or Can you even evolve an Old Jigglypuff?”These are the jokes for August 8, 2016. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.A foul smelling plant known as the "corpse flower" is finally blooming at the New York Botanical Garden in New York City. No one ever noticed because of how New York always smells. Worried that Swedes aren't having enough sex, the government wants to analyze the bedroom activities of its citizens in a major new study. This takes on a whole new meaning to Big Brother is watching you. A 64-year-old was arrested on drug charges when Orlando police officers spotted four tiny flakes of glaze on his floorboard and thought they were pieces of crystal methamphetamine. Which explains why you can never just eat one Krispy Kreme doughnut. Two circus acrobats tied the knot on a tightrope during a performance in Houston. It was the only knot they could make without a rope.The co-owner of a bridal shop has been charged with indecent exposure after three women reported him standing naked next to mannequins in the store's display window. They were mostly offended that he saw them in their dresses before their group wedding. It's so hot in New York that manure is bursting into flames. Most of it was Chris Christie's he left Trump Tower.A "Pokemon Go" player has found $2,000 in cash at a Pokestop in New Jersey. He is happy he found the money because now he can afford to lose his virginity. A suburban Detroit motorcyclist was apparently fast enough to leave police in the dust during a chase, but not swift enough to stop from bragging about it on Facebook. Turns out, he was Facebook friends with his towns police department. These are the jokes for August 1, 2016. I'm James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.