Inside The Mind of a Child Genius

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Your hosts Joseph and Theo read stories written by children, delving into the inner workings of a child genius’s mind. Have you ever looked back at your childhood and thought "what was I thinking?" We are here to answer that question.  Now with an inconsi

Joseph, Theo


    • Oct 26, 2022 LATEST EPISODE
    • monthly NEW EPISODES
    • 58m AVG DURATION
    • 47 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Inside The Mind of a Child Genius

    #47 - How to Raise a Kid 2/2: Loopholes in Sharia Law

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 26, 2022 53:09 Transcription Available


    Welcome back to another installment of Joseph's Big Book of Excuses! In today's episode, you'll hear Joseph's excuses for: Not having any friends Not having a girlfriend Not being able to play “college ball” Having no confidence And many more!   Listen and follow along with your own excuses! Also in this episode: “I microwave my food!”, loopholesinsharialaw .com, Motorola, Home Depot, Apple, Pokemon, Saddam Hussein, Prius, the Hubble Space Telescope, TI-89, Libby, Lite-Brite, Instagram, Facebook, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Joe Biden.

    #46 - How to Raise a Kid 1/2: Racoon King

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 26, 2022 77:45 Transcription Available


    Do you want to be the guy whose clothes are always wet? Do you feel like the neighborhood dogs don't need you? Are you wondering if Skechers makes shorts now? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then this delightful podcast episode will be a treat for your little ears. Listen to it. Also in this episode: “Where's my driving wine?”, “In Texas, we don't just mess with alligators, we molest them.”, explosive diarrhea, Bob's Butt Plug Emporium, Michigan State, and UNC.

    #45 - Jackie's Writings 2/2: How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 27, 2022 85:00 Transcription Available


    2022. The prime of the Inside the Mind of a Child Genius Podcast. The content - both of podcast and of the world in general - had never been better. The happy story ends there. What follows is a no-no and a big one: questionable math, even more questionable science, and an alarming amount of smugness. But if there's one thing this episode makes clear, it's that Herbert Hoover should have done…more. What's your opinion? Also in this episode: “I need to go look at a cat.”, “Now I love to poison myself.”, “My horrified eyes!”, “I may not have talked about it much, but I proved it.”, the Great Depression, the Roaring Twenties, Herbert Hoover, Real Poetry for Real People, America, Switzerland, Wall Street, and Smirnoff Ice.

    #44 - Jackie's Writings 1/2: Adult Disappointment

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 27, 2022 96:06 Transcription Available


    Jackie from the Fire the Canon Podcast visits for this exciting new mini season where we test multiple catchphrases, roast a grandpa, and revisit some particularly low points in our lives - in a fun way! Listen for tips on how to save positive money, distinguish between cats and possums, and even discover what it's like to be a Republican. Also in this episode: “Why do you smell like a bush?”, “You should see this shitty dog.”, “I went to a hard kindergarten.”, Jimmy Buffett, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, Zillow, Carolina Panthers, Apple Jacks, Ford, Walt Disney, and Juilliard.

    #43 - Daniel's Diary 4/4: Peasant's Academy

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 29, 2022 79:49 Transcription Available


    In this episode we reach the end of Daniel's ill-fated love story. It was a wild ride, and things got a little bit wilder this time with time-traveling love notes, woman-troll romance, orange juice benders, grandma roasting, Duolingo fetishes, and discounted sperm. If that's not enough for you, Daniel and Theo also reveal how they almost contributed to the field of eugenics in their own unfortunate ways. Also in this episode: “Oh, were you popular? Whoops, I mean of course you were.”, “I would feel empowered talking to Poor Peasant.”, “The whole experience was a little emasculating, but I'd do it again.”, Thoo, Lord of the Rings, Valentine's Day, Monopoly, World War II, Blue Collar Comedy Tour, and Pokemon.

    #42 - Daniel's Diary 3/4: The Jag-Offs

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 28, 2022 42:43 Transcription Available


    Have you ever wondered how to get out of traffic tickets or get great discounts at restaurants? Well, listen to this podcast and we'll tell you! (It's lying). We'll also discuss some good tips on tricking people into making out with you or even getting two different people to kiss each other. If you like unethical life hacks, then this is the episode for you! Also in this episode: “Did you really have to pull out the honeycombs and lick them while you were driving?”, “You're doing 70 in a school zone and that's fucking cool dude.”, “Right now I'm living in this traffic court.”, Jaguar cars, Lamborghini, Tesla, Prius, Toyota Corolla, Valentine's Day, Terror at the Zoo

    #41 - Daniel's Diary 2/4: Dear Uncle Nasty

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 26, 2022 54:27 Transcription Available


    In this episode we're celebrating Valentine's Day with special guest, Daniel! We each have special mystery themes for this episode, not Valentine's related in any way! Daniel writes to his dear Uncle Nasty about his Sarah-based lovesickness, and tells him the secrets that he wants everyone to find out about. We also uncover the most astonishing reveal yet! Also in this episode: “We all have a mystery theme y'all”, “That sounds like something Uncle Nasty does”, “That's a good Valentine's Day trick”, “I said a silent ‘Yes' and walked on”, Meat Drink, Texas, Romeo and Juliet, Clue, Mystery, Onions, Biscuits and Bullets,

    #40 - Daniel's Diary 1/4: The Doughboys

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 26, 2022 58:15 Transcription Available


    In this episode we're celebrating Valentine's Day with special guest, Daniel! Daniel had a strange, unsettling approach to love, as witnessed in his childhood journals. We start off in 1997, which was a bad year, especially for Mary-Jo. Additionally, Theo opens up about a problem he's been having at work, and he asks his cousins for advice. We cover some World War I history as well. Also in this episode: "I'm supposed to pee to this?", "Someone's gonna run into that ghost board!", Disney World, The Renaissance, Pillsbury Doughboy, The Doughboys, Joe Dirt, World War I, Age 9, Juanal, Scooby Doo, Don Rickles

    #39 - Island of the Dinosaurs Bonus Episode: Fancy Little Bottom Attachment

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 5, 2022 57:14 Transcription Available


    In this retrospective episode, we look back and try to make some sense of the insanity that was Island of the Dinosaurs. We've got revisions, bad Amazon reviews, theme park design, character superlatives, and more! Also in this episode: “Thought for sure it would be a hamburger”, “He was taking the ass-route”, Michael Crichton, Jurassic Park, Disney, Cedar Point, Scarlett Johansson, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Amy Poehler, Timothee Chalamet, Drake, Jar Jar Binks, Angelina Jolie, Charlie Day, Daniel Radcliffe, Sean Bean, Jennifer Aniston, Ellie Kemper, Andy Serkis, and Jason Statham.

    #38 - Island of the Dinosaurs 14/14: Celebrate Good Times? Come On.

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 10, 2022 44:32 Transcription Available


    Sweet relief, we've finally finished the Island of the Dinosaurs! In this episode we learn about Theo's neurotic bowl-cutted rival from the young writers conference, discuss which accents you shouldn't reinvent yourself with, and give a quick PSA about volcano eruptions. Also in this episode: “Maybe he could have a father for once in his life.”, “It'd be a shame if your copter got crashed.”, Kool & the Gang, Jurassic Park, Harry Potter, and Pokemon.

    #37 - Island of the Dinosaurs 13/14: Swim into Life

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 3, 2022 53:02 Transcription Available


    Fun fact: this episode has no intro, and it's our best intro yet! This time we get straight into the action, and boy is there a lot: swimming, looking, swinging, break dancing, dying, building flipping, tower building, table decorating, copter crashing, and running, lots of running. We sincerely hope you enjoy this efficient episode. Also in this episode: “Hey, I'm the king of the skies!”, “What happened to all the chairs? And why are there so many table decorations?”, “Kevin's with a girl he doesn't know. Run!”, “What are doing?”, Tekken, and Jurassic Park.

    #36 - Island of the Dinosaurs 12/14: Get the Wood

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 20, 2022 49:14 Transcription Available


    Things are heating up on the island as Theo's beloved characters make insane decisions in the face of extreme danger.  Also in this episode: "They hit me with a very buoyant rock!", "The fish got less and less scared.", "He felt like he was now face to face with the devil, but the devil was mad!", Jurassic Park, Viagra

    #35 - Island of the Dinosaurs 11/14: Come at Us Drake: an Exceptionally Profitable Episode

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 10, 2022 44:29 Transcription Available


    Theo would be totally humiliated if this rap went viral, so share this video with everyone you know (especially if you know Drake) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCeqYiw8flA. Also in this episode: “Kevin's giant smile was impossible to fit through a door.”, “I know there will be something in the future, so I will vaguely expect that there will be a future.”, Pusha T, Survivor, and TED Talks.

    #34 - Island of the Dinosaurs 10/14: I'm Not a Poop, I'm an Angel

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 1, 2022 73:17 Transcription Available


    By the end of this spooky episode, Theo will be crazy! Not really, we actually just talk about dinosaurs, cool superpowers, stinky breath, and Pokémon the whole time. You're going to love this episode, it's just like dinner without the dinner! Also in this episode: “His brown eyes were gray.”, “He didn't want anyone to think he was a poop.”, “Three people left alone until one left.”, “The water was so hot if you put some in your mouth you would have blisters in a couple of seconds.”, WikiHow, Halloween, the Olympics, Pokémon, Jurassic Park, and The Little Rascals.

    #33 - Island of the Dinosaurs 9/14: Misfourtiounit Compy

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 21, 2022 86:31 Transcription Available


    Today we introduce a new segment, and a new co-host! So settle in for another classic episode with these two [exploitive deletive] idiots, and whatever you do, don't listen to the last 30 minutes of this episode! We're really sorry. Also in this episode: “It was already devouring its snack, now for the big meat!”, “You shouldn't yell about your dino boner.”, “Kevin's eyes burst open”, Jurassic Park 3, Home Improvement, Tim Allen, Home Alone, The Office

    #32 - Island of the Dinosaurs 8/14: Morning Edition

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 10, 2022 40:40 Transcription Available


    Good morning and welcome back to Inside the Mind of a Child Genius with Sleepy and The Grog! This morning we have 3 tips to be more alpha, an exciting new recipe to spice up decomposing leaves, and one weird trick to make your cereal delicious! Also in this episode: “What's a T-Rex supposed to do? Not see you?”, fish baseball, Chex Quest, and Raisin Bran.

    #31 - Island of the Dinosaurs 7/14: The Pit with Derial

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 1, 2022 59:58 Transcription Available


    Happy Spooky October New Year! I hope you're dressed to the nines because, new rule, you have to dress up to listen to this podcast. So grab your meat bucket and your vegetable bucket and tune-in to hear about haunted roombas, redneck dinosaurs, and millions upon millions of fish. Also in this episode: "I bought a microwave here last week.", "I don't deserve to win.", "It was hungry, hungry for meat!", "Jump over the trick line! James did.", Texas blackouts, 3 Cowboys, WALMART, Halloween, Jurassic Park, Lord of the Rings, 300, Star Wars, and Pokemon.

    #30 - Island of the Dinosaurs 6/14: T-Rex Loved the New Fresh Meat Taste

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 20, 2021 57:45 Transcription Available


    I am made from erosion And I am pleasant to see You may find a secret If you look behind me Now for one final truth That you may not find fair I am where a dinosaur would have to jump around a pit of water by jumping straight And turning in the air Listen for the answer to this riddle, and much more! Also in this episode: “It's known for its crocodile-like head, you fool!”, “Now you want to know about Derial.”, “Come on let's put ‘er in.”, Joedrijoe, Pidgeyjojo, mini-boats, Pokemon, The Meg, TikTok, Jurassic Park, Donald Trump, and Ghostbusters.

    #29 - Island of the Dinosaurs 5/14: Are These Dinos Horny or What?

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 10, 2021 46:22 Transcription Available


    We finally talk about what's on everyone's mind: dinosaur sex. Also in this episode: “Life was the punishment.”, “That was not good to do that.”, “Nothing really happened, but it could have.”, “Sort of like a honk from a goose.”, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Jurassic Park 3, and Drake.

    #28 - Island of the Dinosaurs 4/14: Beefisode 28: Tony the Hawk

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 1, 2021 57:48 Transcription Available


    Island of the Dinosaurs is heating up! People are eaten, police are called, arms are injured, and characters are bullied by the narrator. If you're having evil thoughts, take out the bad parts of your mind and replace them with this podcast! Also in this episode: “Samantha ordered the pizza last night, I think she can call the police.”, “There's one animal I haven't controlled, the compy.”, Tony Hawk, Homestar Runner, and Jurassic Park

    #27 - Island of the Dinosaurs 3/14: Hot and Wet

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 20, 2021 52:54 Transcription Available


    In season 2 we're focusing on life's big questions. What's the best way to get revenge on someone at Target? How do you act like you pooped at a hockey game? What are some good excuses to cry? Where does the hot and wet stuff go? You will find satisfactory answers to all of these questions and more in this educational episode of season 2. Also in this episode: “No oh no please no.”, “And then Sauron destroyed the ring for no reason.”, “No fungus.”, “Life finds a way, unless it gets puked on.”, Jurassic Park, Nashville Predators, UNC Greensboro Spartans, Target, Lord of the Rings

    #26 - Island of the Dinosaurs 2/14: People Infested Island

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 10, 2021 76:52 Transcription Available


    In this episode we continue Theo's exciting dinosaur-centric action story that definitely doesn't take any inspiration from Jurassic Park. Joseph worries about looking like a terrorist, Theo goes through his old hard drive, and we reimagine Friends in the worst way possible. Also in this episode: “How are the dinosaurs made by people? They didn't.”, “This island is filled with dinosaurs only me and my group know about this.”, “Ray has no job, but we gotta bring Ray.”, Barney, the Unabomber, the Nesquik bunny, final moments of life photos, dinosaurs made out of junk food, and Jurassic Park.

    #25 - Island of the Dinosaurs 1/14: Kink-Free Season 2 Debut

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 1, 2021 54:08 Transcription Available


    Welcome to Season 2! We're done being kinky and we're ready to talk about some dinosaurs. Join us as we delve into the beginning of what is sure to be a wild ride. In this episode we discuss the very real economic concerns of a world with dinosaurs, discover an exciting new way to celebrate Tom or Jim day, and unpack young Theo's fear of connecting flights. Also in this episode: “My blood! How did you know that was the source of my power?”, “He wasn't happy he was ready to cry”, “Oh cool tree, let's look at it. Watch out!”, quotes about ulcerative colitis, middle school sleeper agents, and Jurassic Park 3.

    #24 - Paige's Direy 2/2: Haunted Podcast

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 20, 2021 65:27 Transcription Available


    Have a long road trip to make? Well, you could play classic car games like chess or Go, take in the sights of America, or pretend to be a dinosaur. But wouldn't you rather listen to the world's first haunted podcast?! Paige joins us again as we see visions of the shadow realm, scorch the Earth with our ideas, and play a morbidly aquatic game of baseball. So quit watching your new girlfriend use Facebook, and listen to this episode! Also in this episode: “What we're doing is fine because it's not as bad as something we could be doing.”, “You're gonna bruise the meat!”, “These people are so bad they will corrupt the whole sound of the band.”, 3 cowboys, TIM (The Inaudible Man), Gertie, Great Value Human, Branson MO, The Office, South Park, Star Trek, The North Pole, The Munchkins, Theo Chandler Memorial Pathway, Disney, True Crime, and ASMR

    #23 - Paige's Direy 1/2: TIM and Gertie

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 10, 2021 46:35 Transcription Available


    This episode is fun fun wow! So grab your computer named Compotter, turn off Metamorphosis by Hilary Duff, and listen to one sad elephant person, his pleasant and intelligent wife, and their honest observer. That's all for lemon, Warren's coming bye. Also in this episode: “They almost won! Normally they lose terribly.”, “There's not really a better word for it, so why not just write it over and over again.”, “I had an emotion.”, “Life is pretty boring. Great! Let's do it again.”, dressing like the Earth, Chirstmas 2003, and an A+ star.

    #22 - Tristan's Tales 2/2: Blushisode 22: Cheetos, Chips, and Cheese, Please!

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 1, 2021 68:56 Transcription Available


    What a better way to celebrate Tom or Jim Day than by having our first main character named Tom! Find out what happens to Tom in Computer Monkey and listen on to hear the best-titled story yet: The Macaroni Touch while we hurl compliments at each other in the hopes of making each other blush. We also write a terrible macaroni and cheese recipe, discuss how to get the cops off your back with a set of children's playing cards, and reveal a neat (but ultimately futile) trick to fit more songs on your early 2000's mp3 player. Also in this episode: “There goes the bird's nest.”, “Once the macaroni has been fully touched, bring the pot to a boil”, “Damnit, did we turn into a Taco Bell commercial?”, “The greatest macaroni will have the greatest consequences”, Get Off My Banana, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Malcolm Gladwell, Godzilla, Runescape, Solitaire, Jurassic Park, and King Midas

    #21 - Tristan's Tales 1/2: Beefisode 21: Don't Bring a Pogo Stick to a Dark Magic Power Fight

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 20, 2021 46:05 Transcription Available


    We're joined by Theo's friend, lifelong friend, childhood friend, and even his friend today: Tristan! Young Tristan was a certified child genius with a strong preference for dinosaur toys over sports, impressive sword drawing confidence, knowledge of at least one city in at least one other country, and a wild imagination. In this beefisode we read his stories Weird Sea Maze and Computer Monkey. Also in this episode: “We're playing a cool game, have fun with your fork.”, “Screw global warming, we have to get these people out of these bop its.”, FIFA World Cup, Heroes of Might and Magic 4, Sydney, Australia, Runescape, the Tooth Fairy, Bop It, Solitaire, and Backyard Baseball.

    #20 - Jabanuba 3/3: Gunny Port of Mystery

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 10, 2021 60:40 Transcription Available


    You're too busy to consider smells, so please consider this episode of our podcast instead. We reach the thrilling conclusion of Jabanuba and talk about all the friends we made along the way, including everyone's favorite geologist-boxer, Rocky. We also discuss some tips on how to impress fifth graders, greet a unicorn, and write a book report. Also in this episode: “You so rarely try to paint a picture for us.”, “You went pee pee all over the house?”, “Shing married Inside the Mind of a Child Genius, the beautiful princess.”, Yanni Port of Mystery, Rocky, James Joyce, The Avengers, Samurai Jack, Homestar Runner, Trogdor, Peasant's Quest, Kid Cuisine, Claxton, OJ Simpson, and Lucifer

    #19 - Jabanuba 2/3: Three Legs, Three Heads, and Dreadfully Slimy

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 1, 2021 55:12 Transcription Available


    In this episode we read an elaborate wordplay joke with very little payoff, but multiple salutations. So hop on your bike and crank the Yanni because there are no rules! As always, make sure to habaguba and don't tell Seth. Also in this episode: “We got another slimy boy, put him on the fries.”, “You've go ping shong.”, Yanni, Quiznos, Dr. Dreadful, McDonalds, and Pokemon

    #18 - Jabanuba 1/3: Dirty Sword

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 20, 2021 64:01 Transcription Available


    This episode is not for the faint of heart. Joseph's brother, Daniel, joins us for our strangest and most problematic episode yet. Prepare yourself for experimental erotic fiction, conspiracy theories, garbage fruit, phallic dreams, Nasty Meat™, the apocalypse, and peeing like a printer. Please don't run cancel.exe. Also in this episode: “Stop saying Chinese pirate!”, “I failed my Erotic Fiction course.”, “You guys do have to go in the coffin with him.”, varsity bocce ball, Breaking the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th walls, Alibaba, Aladdin, Merlin, King Arthur, Johnny Depp, Beth Sadler, Harry Potter, Fing and Fong Weasley, Kid Cuisine, The Matrix, and Yanni

    #17 - Joseph's Journal 4/4: Pizza Hut High School

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 10, 2021 69:01 Transcription Available


    Dear Listener, In this surprisingly financial episode we discuss an easy way to make $100, an even easier way to steal $10, and how to avoid getting scammed in New Orleans. I hope you don't think it's a disaster (just like my room). Also in this episode: “I bet I can guess where you got your cloak. Around thy shoulders!”, “I discovered myself pope-ing out from behind a coconut tree. I was nice and furry, so I pet me.”, Tony Pro Skater Hawk, Terror at the Zoo, The Beggin' Strip Challenge, and Math by Pizza Hut. Love,Joseph

    #16 - Joseph's Journal 3/4: Some Old Alien and a Serial Squisher

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2021 46:57 Transcription Available


    THEO ISN'T GOOD. THEO ISN'T GOOD. Alright, buckle up for a wild episode. We've got aliens, giants, thiefs, turkeys, the grim reaper, and of course Satan. We also come up with three new holidays in this meditation that we hope will put you to sleep. Also in this episode: “Every time you write a new sentence, you forget the previous one.”, handling your spaghetti, Satan's standup routine, Joseph's murder weapons, and breaking out of jail 15,000 times.

    #15 - Joseph's Journal 2/4: Celebrities and Supervillains

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 20, 2021 54:55 Transcription Available


    Hey, it's Brad Ppitttt from Moneyballl! I'm here to say if you like bad celebrity impressions and even worse supervillain concepts, then this is the episode for you. If not, then maybe you like fan submissions and fan mail. Or maybe you've had the impulse to eat like a dog, dress like Mr. Potato Head, or wanted to know the best way to go bobbing for apples? You'll find all that and more in this exciting episode! And buy me some chips! Also in this episode: “No one has not felt anger never.”, “He hasn't hypnotized anyone. He's just been eating out of a dog bowl the whole time.”, “I wish I had asked for some chips.”, Kung Pow: Enter the Fist, Borat, Moneyball, Brad Pitt, Mark Zuckerburg, and Michael Jordan.

    #14 - Joseph's Journals 1/4: Beefisode 14: Handwritten Waste of Paper

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 10, 2021 52:02 Transcription Available


    In today's episode we've got some fresh beef and we're starting on Joseph's journal! So take a break from talking all the time and use your sense of hearing to listen to Dr. Theo and Captain Joseph. Today we discuss a great way to build muscles in your fingers and we figure out once and for all what X is equal to. This is a beefisode for everyone except Jamal Lewis. Also in this episode: “I think it's an ok point that you made, but you said it so poorly”, “How does it get any more manly than two men? I guess three men”, “No one can know what this word was”, Jamal Lewis, My Dad Wrote a Porno, and Fire the Canon

    #13 - Quest of the Dragon Bonus Episode: Oops! All Dragons

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 1, 2021 56:10 Transcription Available


    Happy Tom or Jim Day! We've finally finished Quest of the Dragon, so naturally we have to keep talking about it. In today's episode we create an AI ending, the cast for the big budget blockbuster, and we break down the hero's journey. Then we go to Hogwarts and we die. Also in this episode: “It's called Harry Potter, not Harry Potter the Very Special Wizard”, “It's pronounced ‘buke' not book, so send in your corrections”, Oprah, Tom Cruise, and Tom Hanks

    #12 - Quest of the Dragon 11/11: Green Plant Squirt Juice

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 20, 2021 51:01 Transcription Available


    Think of a happy memory, partner! We have a lot to celebrate this episode: finishing Quest of the Dragon, getting our first review for 3 Cowboys, releasing the podcast, and becoming published authors again! So, take a break from playing with ants to admire our podcast UI. Now think of a sad memory - this returns you to equilibrium. Also in this episode: “Maybe there was just like a blob with a duck bill?”, “Well I'm done trying to eat you for today, wanna play cards?”, skittish man, Batman, J.R.R. Tolkein, Plateoty, and normal teeth with flat ends.

    #11 - Quest of the Dragon 10/11: Field Day

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 10, 2021 55:45 Transcription Available


    Welcome to Inside the Mind of a Child Genius: the podcast/religion/cult made by computers for computers. If that sounds like you, then come on in to listen to us talk about songs with farts that you can't smile at, our rock collections, and the secret to fooling a mind reader (it's self-inflicted head trauma!). In this podcast every day feels like field day, so go get a spoon and an egg. You know what to do. Also in this episode: “Maybe I'm a little pig boy”, “It was a man coming through Old Stanky”, “It is pretty creepy that he's dragging a child into the forest”, destroying the Terminator, making Claxton noises, Keanu Reeves, and Meryl Streep

    #10 - Quest of the Dragon 9/11: Excellent Ad Ahead

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 2, 2021 46:23 Transcription Available


    In today's episode we email Oprah, inspire JK Rowling, and work with Jay Z. We also write a really threatening ad, brainstorm merchandise for Quest of the Dragon, and consider putting 3 Cowboys on a billboard. If you listen there may just be a non-erotic hot cup of Joe, Jojo, and Tony in it for you. Thanks for listening, Carl. Also in this episode: “There was nothing much to talk about, because they were not truly friends”, “I guess there are plot holes in this book after all”, Jackie Chan, Chris Tucker, Lizardman, Trogdor, Batman, and Manbat.

    #9 - Quest of the Dragon 8/11: Five Stars, Filthy, and Great for the Kids

    Play Episode Listen Later May 21, 2021 58:18 Transcription Available


    Juilliard Presents: Inside the Mind of a Child Genius, an aggressively off topic podcast with no current events and way too much roasting of Beth Sadler. We try to say something interesting even if we don't believe it. In this episode, we finally get a dragon (you won't be disappointed), and Eledor is going to be ban here too! We hope you enjoy it and give us a good rating otherwise it'd be a shame if we had to make fun of you on our podcast. Also in this episode: “Everyone I've ever known was pushed off a truck”, “When you walk into my classroom, you better expect to be verbally abused”, “I made this resume when I was like six, so I'm pretty smart”, Long-Fe, Horn-Se, Eye-La, Eledor, Medusa, and Jojojo.

    #8 - Quest of the Dragon 7/11: Our Oscar Moment

    Play Episode Listen Later May 10, 2021 77:25 Transcription Available


    Theo goes full on Morgan Freeman, we discover we would be terrible sports commentators, and Uncle Andy humps Joseph. Claxton gets married, writes a book, and proves a point. A whole world including weather fits into an unexpectedly small vessel, and we learn what GP is...sort of. Theo invents Christianity and thinks he might be God. Joseph thinks he might be Jesus, or maybe the Antichrist. A lion works as an intern, everyone cries, and God does it for the Gram. Also in this episode: "Silence!" “Every author has to be a little sassy sometimes”, “I don't want to waste paper, I'll just write under the ancient prophecy”, “Looks like I'm Old Stanky now”, “His own brain was soon confusing him so he went to sleep”, Seth makes a revision, It Takes Two (also 4, 8, 16, etc), and now anyone can be a composer I guess.

    #7 - Quest of the Dragon 6/11: Beefisode 7: Manly Boys

    Play Episode Listen Later May 1, 2021 60:53 Transcription Available


    Theo and Joseph don't like beefing, and what they just had was a beef. We blame everything on you, the listener, and we hold you hostage. We take on important issues like criminal justice reform and spelling bee rules. Joseph discovers he could've been the “fly on the head guy”, and Devin totally forgets all about Elias. Shannon banishes Joseph, Seth is good at trees, and David is the size of a dog with a plaid shirt on. Also, Theo wears Lion King underwear. Also in this episode: “They probably just knew I was right there in the pants”, “Let's hire this baby”, “Sasasasasausage”, Shakespeare, The Ultimite Prey, Pokemon, Digimon, Mike Pence, Julie Miller, Dana Marton, and Paula Graves.

    #6 - Quest of the Dragon 5/11: Catchers Don't Reveal Their Secrets

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 20, 2021 56:43 Transcription Available


    The janitor washes the floor around an unconscious Devin. We get our first fan fiction (from 2013) and then purge our listeners. Tyler Jonsin and Ranger Tody join and then quickly leave. Jillian gets her comeuppance. Trains suck. We revolutionize kickball. Theo downloads several computer viruses, loses a million dollars on the stock market, and “doesn't never catch it”. Paige needs to invest more in this podcast, and Joseph dies and comes back to life for transportation hour.Also in this episode: Bloodsport, kickball, Theoworld, fan fiction, a count of counts, a cowboy crew, struggles with similies, and an evil robber video game.

    #5 - Quest of the Dragon 4/11: What They Just Had Was a Fight

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 10, 2021 60:11 Transcription Available


    We get our first review for 3 cowboys, kind of. We briefly rename our podcast to GameBros and flex our vast lack of football knowledge. Theo brings us inside his mind as a child genius and reveals his childhood dreams. We start sourcing our material from mantelligence.com. Joseph raps about counting, Theo accidentally speaks into existence an army of Hitlers, and Devin gets lost, again. Also in this episode: Devin gets so scared he almost throws up, Theo likes his “lif” and southern accents, Lisa's teeth are unnoticeable, also Harry Potter, Tom Brady, UFOs, Eminem, and Cody Ko.

    #4 - Quest of the Dragon 3/11: Crash Bandicoot

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2021 58:56 Transcription Available


    We create a new genre of literature. Joseph finds a journal with hints of Y2K fear, and he fails his fanbase by not writing erotic fiction. Crash Bandicoot has a few choice words for Claxton. We invent a bad computer virus. Theo panic buys dragon titles. Hankin gets tired of bullying. Theo talks about his circular wandering as a child, and we spend an inordinate amount of time discussing, and singing, the fact that ducks are birds. Also in this episode: Oprah's book club induction, logical arguments for why you shouldn't have to wear shoes, restraint in revealing character names, light library vandalism, foreshadowing the end of a sentence, and a secret friendship with Jay Z.

    #3 - Quest of the Dragon 2/11: One of You Smells Like Mustard

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2021 60:24 Transcription Available


    We give tips for meeting your new year's resolution to read more books. Lisa's status as a bully is doubted. Theo performs an elaborate bird flex. We divulge our noisy and violent sleeping stories. Theo gets bullied for making video games, gets punched on an empty stomach, and has his style ridiculed. We continue to increase the evil doings counter, as well as the average doings counter, and the pinch counter. Theo gets so excited about carrots he ruins his lunch. We invent a holiday that replaces April Fools and New Years. Also in this episode: we come up with a great podcast idea, there is a gooey ball with 5 eyes, and Hankin may be a nutritionist.

    #2 - Quest of the Dragon 1/11: Free Time From Punches

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2021 42:04 Transcription Available


    We start reading Quest of the Dragon by Theo. Joseph discovers he's the host of a podcast. Theo gets Joseph a gift. We discuss erotic fiction (not for the last time). Joseph reveals his guide to raising teenagers. We continue to struggle with nicknames. Theo recounts his misadventures in fishing and Joseph recounts his misadventures in the Spanish language. We discuss the acceptable margin of slobber on homework. We discover Hankin and the teacher are in league with each other. We demand fan art or we'll quit. Also in this episode: We talk about Theo's complicated relationship with bullies, we discuss how “bad” we were in school, Joseph gives tips for spicing things up in a marriage, and Joseph fails to see how this book will lead to dragons.

    #1 - Three Cowboys

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2021 39:13 Transcription Available


    We discuss a Western themed novella written by a presumably much younger Joseph. Several of Joseph's early attempts at formatting are drawn into question. We discover what "Tony" is short for. Oprah's integrity is disputed and her secret identity revealed. Theo recounts an episode in his early life that causes him to question his status as a genius, but he redeems himself in the end when he shares his experience failing a standardized test with flying colors. Link to Three Cowboys: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1061022

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