Podcast appearances and mentions of julie freedman smith

In this insightful episode, Tim responds to the most compelling questions submitted by listeners over the past year. A major theme explores permitting yourself to make big changes. Tim dives deep into topics such as recognizing and navigating career slumps, the evolving nature of skill sets in rapidly changing industries, and how to pursue passion in your career. For those balancing leadership roles with creative ambitions, Tim offers guidance on re-engaging with your passions without sacrificing your career progress.Tim shares practical advice on determining whether it's time for a career shift or if you're just in a temporary slump. He also tackles the challenges of feeling obsolete in an automated world and provides strategies for reassessing your career path. Lastly, he discusses the complex interplay between career progression and family life, providing ideas for maintaining balance and fulfillment in both areas.--Contact Tim Sweet | Team Work Excellence: WebsiteLinkedIn: Tim SweetInstagramLinkedin: Team Work Excellence--Tim 00:34Do you rely on others to set a vision and then give them what they need so that they can achieve something they never would be able to do on their own? Whether or not you formally lead a team. If this sounds like you, then you, my friend, are the definition of a leader. And this show is all about bringing you new insights from real people that you've never been exposed to. So, you can grow and increase your impact on the world and feel more fulfilled while you're doing it. I'm Tim Sweet and I want to welcome you to the Sweet on Leadership podcast. This is episode 35. Tim 01:10Hey, thanks for joining me, this week, it's going to be just you and me, we're going to be flying solo, somebody had come to me and said that they really liked the direction that the podcast is heading. And one of the things that they noticed is that everybody that's been on, it seems to have this really clear sense of who they are and what they do. And they have been able to take a big bold step, and change their life up. And they encouraged me to do an episode where we talk about giving yourself permission to make big change. What is it we need to do in order to shake ourselves up and to seek something better? So, what I've done is I've gone through some of the best questions that I've received over the last year, and there are dozens of them, and I narrowed it down to 10. And I'm hoping to get through five, maybe more today, if we can. Give you a bit of the response that I would have provided the person writing, and then build on those. So, if you're one of the people that have contributed these questions you're going to know, and thank you very much for listening. Thank you to all of you. Without listeners, this podcast doesn't have much of a purpose, does it? So, I'm really happy to find out that you're getting value from it, that you're enjoying the eclectic mix of leadership experts, and insightful visionaries that we've got joining us every week, and I can't wait to bring you the next 30 episodes. So, let me start off by saying, my goal in life has always been to not have people struggle. Nothing bothers me more than when I come into a relationship with a person and I understand that they've got something in their life that just really is, not just hard, but it's routinely hard. It's this pattern of struggle that they've got. When I work with teams, I look for the same thing. Where do we have patterns of unnecessary struggle? Work should be challenging, work should be hard, we should be applying ourselves and we should be enjoying taking our skills to difficult problems and projects and making them better. But working with people shouldn't be hard. And being a fit for a job shouldn't be hard. We spend so many hours of our lives in a profession that we deserve, to really feel like that profession is bowing us up. So, whether you're a leader, and you're used to talking to me or listening to the podcast with ears of a person that's leading a team, or you're somebody who's involved in a profession, or a pursuit, where they're really a subject matter expert, or they want to leave a legacy, I'd encourage you to listen to these questions. Each one of them I think builds on an aspect of that finding permission to seek out more, it doesn't always mean leaving a job either. Sometimes it can be reengineering the job that you've got, and looking very specifically for those elements of the job that you are struggling with. It's such a huge part of my profession now to work with executives who are climbing ladders of success or are getting more and more passionate about the areas that they operate in, whether that's leading people, or organizations, or ideas. So, let's dive right into it. And I'm going to just take the first five of these questions, and we'll see how we get on. Heck, it's my podcasts, so if we don't get through all of them, and you like this, make sure that you give us a follow, tell your friends and drop me a line, find me on LinkedIn and say, hey, you know, do more of that. Tim 04:50So, this person was writing, and they came to us from Ireland. And the question reads like this, feeling stuck in my current marketing role, what are some of the signs that I should be looking for telling me it's time for a change? I've been in this position for several years, and I'm torn, I'm not sure if I'm just experiencing a slump, that's gonna pass. Or if it's really time to move on. I also feel guilty, because I'm leaving colleagues that I've built relationships with and a product that I'm really proud to develop and bring to market. So, you know, when I encounter people like this, that are at this tipping point, and they need to decide if this is something that's going to pass, or if they're just in some sort of a temporary negative phase, or if it really is something deeper? Well, first of all, we'll try to identify the source of discomfort. I remember back in 2012, helping a particular executive through this and drawing a cartoon on a whiteboard to do it. And it's funny, I tell the story quite a bit when I open this whiteboard, and I seem to open it every week. I took a snapshot of it, later on, I coloured it using an app on my phone, and I can't seem to get away from this particular cartoon. Anyway, in the cartoon, we'll see this person that's sitting there in the doldrums. So, the first question that I ask is, is getting the work done frustrating? Or is the work no longer a fit? Is it no longer a good match for you? When we're looking at what could be the sources of frustration, they tend to be things that provide operational ambiguity, right? If you want to think of it that way? Do you have goals? Are they clear? Do you understand what's next? Is the team that you have, the right team? Is it large enough? Does it have enough capacity? And does that team possess the right skills? Do you have the right skills for the work that you're being asked to do? And when all of those are true, can you be appreciated for the work you're doing? Just this morning, I talked to somebody who was telling me that one of the concerns that they have constantly is that they will put in a great deal of effort. And I don't know if it's being appreciated, or if people are seeing it as progress. This is a particular issue that came up during COVID, as we had teams rallying together, and trying to just make it through. And that all-hands-on-deck mentality, we had people that were really going above and beyond. But when the danger passed, and we were all going through it, it was like organizations were almost too fatigued to acknowledge just how much work had been done. Because there was always another crisis right around the corner. As we've come through COVID, we are much more sensitive about how we spend our time and our money, and where our lives are headed. So, it's increasingly important that we feel that our contributions are valuable. And for no small percentage of the population, they have to be able to see their progress or be acknowledged for what they're providing. Okay, all of those things can create frustration. When we look at fit, we have a few other things to deal with. You know, one is, are we really happy with the style, the interactive style of the people that we work with? Do we enjoy their language? Do we enjoy their energy? Do we enjoy how they communicate? Do we enjoy how they raise problems? Is it something that fits with us that we can respond to? Or does it raise our hackles? Or does it bore us senseless? So, do we fit with the style of communication that's going on in the team that we're with? And if it's not the interactive style of people, it could be the task type that we don't fit with. Is it overly routine? Is it troubleshooting? Is it scheduling? Is it pure head-down, execution? Is it strategic? Some people love strategic work, and some people loathe it. Some people love tactical work, and some people loathe it. And many people love crossing tasks off a list. And some people loathe it. Is the task type of the work that you're doing currently something that you fit with? And then perhaps one of the largest ones, which likely warrants its own category, but it doesn't seem to be a problem with our friend from Dublin here. Do you have a connection with the values on the team? And if there's disconnect, is it small or large? Unless it's a big values disconnect, we can pretty much overcome any of these through good planning. And so to my friend here in Dublin, the advice was and remains that they should get very clear on exactly where do they feel this slump. Because likely, it's not a general malaise, it's a feeling of an expenditure of energy in the form of bad fit or frustration, which is causing them to not feel one with the team, one with the work, or like they're progressing. Once we can get that out in the open, then we can take very, very defined steps to go and get it. So, if you find yourself in a position where you're in a slump, get granular, ask yourself those questions. Is it fit, or is it frustration? And then take a look at if you see some answers, because usually those will give you a roadmap that you can approach with your team, or your leader, and talk about how we can shift some of the work. Tim 10:48Alright, the second question that came to me this read, you highlight a lot of people who have found their passion, similar to the person I talked to last week, but I don't feel like my skill set is relevant anymore. I work in market research, and the industry is automating quickly. And I'm assuming they mean the AI or something. And I'm worried about being able to compete using my current skill set, as a Gen X. Hey, welcome to The Club. It's frustrating for me to feel like my experience might not be enough this late in life, what steps can I take, as I'm starting to feel obsolete? Okay, this is a very, very common problem, especially as we're seeing people arrive late in their careers, there's a couple of options. I mean, one option is that you can try to find a place that's not using technology, that's a possibility. But let's just take that one off the table, because frankly, that means that you're having to settle. And I'd never think that it's a great idea to go and find a substandard industry to just hope you can sort of survive in it. But you do have a lot to consider. It's important to break down your experiences, not simply looking at the industry, how they've been applied. But what are you actually gifted at? Market research, as an example, has several transferable skills that can be brought into other forms of analysis, other forms of investigation, and all sorts of things. And this is going to be different for many different market researchers, these skills will not be consistent across the entire group, because each one of them will have gravitated to slightly different mixes of skills. And so in this case, it's really taking a look at you're not starting from zero here, you have skills, and passions, and interests, and habits, and a style all your own, that can be very, very conducive to success elsewhere. And it's just about finding where that elsewhere might be. The other thing to think about in this particular case is that you know, often people discount their skills or their worth because they begin to use the metrics that they're given at work. They're seeing themselves first through their role, or through an annual assessment that the company creates. We have to remember just how myopic that is, that is not a real-life expression of just how much is there. But if you tend to be in the same company for quite a while, that same industry for quite a while, you start to feel pigeon-holed. Really important to get out and take a look at what you really like doing and where else can that be applied. And you'd be surprised how successful people can be. I remember that in 2015, right in through COVID for some people, we had layoffs in the geotechnical space. Geologists are amazing at understanding the unknown, and really taking calculated guesses of where we're going to find value. And it doesn't have to be downhole looking for gold or oil or anything like this. They can be doing interesting searches for possibilities in all sorts of areas. Market research would be among them. But of course, we don't want to saturate that market any longer. Engineers said the same thing, engineers who realize just how artistic they are can jump all over the place. So, don't get too crammed into the idea that you're only one thing that you are your industry, if I can say it that way. Tim 14:31Hi from South Africa. I recently graduated from Limpopo Turfoop Graduate School, and I'm exploring different career paths. It's exciting but also overwhelming. There seems to be so many possibilities. I want to make sure I choose a path that aligns with me and my interests. You seem to talk to people who are so happy. How can I make the best decision? Martha. Okay, Martha, you know if you are coming out of school, maybe for the first time, maybe you're a returning student and upgrading or something. The typical advice is that you need to research all of your possible career options and make a plan. But, you know, we have to be careful what criteria we put against these. And that's one of the most important things when we're giving ourselves permission to look elsewhere, is make sure that we have become very, very precise in the criteria that we're looking at. You can't necessarily just look at what's the most prestigious first step or what has the biggest paycheck? Or which company wooes you to join them with all sorts of promises? And you need to be very, very precise. Well, how do you do that if you're not part of a company? The answer is kind of, we have to flip it, you don't want to look necessarily at the company first, you want to look at being fluid, becoming fluent in what aspects of your work fit, your workstyle, the type of work that you are performing in any given day, what brings you the most amount of joy. And then we look where others with a similar mix to you are also experiencing joy, we try to find our people somewhere, they don't have to be precisely like you, but they have to be in compatible spaces. If we always focus on that, if we focus on first looking at finding the best, the best choice among options that we've predetermined, already have a very high probability of fitting us, then we are going to be much more successful when it comes to choosing something that we can try out and really experience enjoying work in a certain industry. Enjoying a certain industry will never compensate for not enjoying the actual work you're doing in that industry. I help a lot of people 10 years down the road, that find out they really dislike the industry they originally chose. And they could have been choosing it for really wrong reasons. Just check out the last episode we put out with Julie Freedman Smith. I mean, we talked about exactly this right, getting stuck in the wrong place. One important note here is it's not about personality fit, you don't want to just look for people that have the same personality as you. Personalities are somewhat fluid as we grow and as we mature. Know, these things that we're going to try to understand and measure are much longer lasting, you can look for hints in what you find the most amount of fulfillment in or the type of work and contributions you find the most amount of energy and joy in. Things that you've experienced up to this point in your life and I promise you that if you focus on those things that make you feel the most productive, you will make a good decision. Alright, let's move right along. Tim 17:51So, we're on to our fourth question here. Let's see. So, let's do this one, feeling stuck in my career. It's not what I signed up for. I used to love the creative process. But over the years, I have been put in the lead of bigger and bigger teams. And I know leadership is your thing, Tim, but I'm much more interested in getting back to actually creating stuff. I'm jealous of my staff's freedom. And well, I like working with strategy. I just don't feel like I'm contributing. What strategies would you recommend for reassessing my career, possibly making significant change? I'm passionate about design. I wanted my legacy to be about design and not managing, my idols used to be Frank Lloyd Wright and Frank Gehry, how can I evaluate, I got to figure out who those people are? I know Frank Lloyd Wright is but Frank Gehry, I'm gonna research. How can I evaluate my options, and move to something that reignites my passion and puts me ahead again? Okay, so ahead, we'll assume, I'll assume you mean your legacy. Okay. Yeah. And that's what, how I would answer this question. Well, when I think about a person that's in your position, and I mean, the previous answers will still fit. I mean, let's take a look at, you know, what's frustrating, etc. But this is more of a career path discussion. You're already somewhere and you found yourself in a leadership position. And you miss being on the tools, so to speak, not uncommon, not uncommon at all. Primarily, and let me talk about why for a minute, primarily, because in a lot of organizations, the only way up is taking on management positions. Unless the organization is very large, and can handle more than one expert. There's less room to move up as a technical specialist, or a subject matter expert, or really a visionary in a certain idea space, that's much less common. But for all of you who run big corporations out there, it's absolutely essential that you have that pathway for people, otherwise you're going to really miss out on a lot of talent. The interesting thing here is when we think about being again, stuck in a sense of having taken the wrong off-ramp. And now we've got to, we've probably got to get back on to our main road, you're in a leadership position, you have leverage, you have choices you can make, you can decide perhaps, in your own strategy, maybe without even asking anybody that you're going to take a portion of the work, you're going to have a small portfolio of things that you directly contribute to, this is not a bad idea. It's not a bad idea for a couple of reasons. One, is, at least in the short term, while your staff perhaps need to be prepared for you to go somewhere, you could fill your boots with your own project, that is something that you could really, you could really do. So, we want to look at what leverage we have. And in a leadership position, you got a fair amount, and then what choices are you not currently making that you could be making, that could be, take on a portion of the work, there's nothing wrong to going where the work is done, and getting your hands dirty for a little bit. Not to mention, it frees up some leadership opportunities for others. It's not unheard of to have people demote themselves, or become a visionary subject matter expert, being sponsored by their business. The other thing, and this is not something that when I responded to this individual, this is not something that I would take lightly. But if you have this passion, and you really are concerned with legacy, understanding that being part of a. when you look at Frank Lloyd Wright, or you'll look at okay, standby. So, Frank Gehry, I just looked it up, he designed the Guggenheim and a few other things. So, these are, you know, both architects, they had teams that were underneath them, by all means, but they were the visionaries within this this organization. Does your organization have a visionary at the top? Or does it have a finance professional or something like that running it, I don't know your your specific situation. But in this kind of a case, well, why not take a shot for the top seat, or alternatively, why not decide to start your own show, and go out there and take all of the business knowledge that you have, and hire the right people that can do it, and open your own design house. I would say that talent is not a small consideration here. So, selling the farm and banking on the fact that you can be at the level of this, probably you should be making sure that you have a marketable style, and those kinds of things. There is a pathway here. And that's why I think, you know, taking some side projects, or working within the system that you're currently in could be an excellent way to do that. But at a certain point, if you decide that you are the big cheese, and you are the selling feature, embrace that, become that creator with the team in behind them, not somebody managing a team that's producing it in more of a commercial organization. Lots of choices there, always take a good look at just how much leverage you've got and just where you are making choices. Before you do, you've got to be very, very fluent in who you are, and where you want to work. You also want to be really sure that you've got something to sell that people will buy. But that being said, it is a wonderful life, to feel fully in charge of bringing what you're best at into the world. Tim 23:40Number five. Now, this is the type of question when I get makes me really happy. Like I talked about the person that inspired all of this is a similar question. As a mom returning to work, I need tips on balancing career progression with family life. Before I had kids, I was very aggressive and had set big aspirations. But how can I now manage both, effectively? It's tough to juggle my responsibilities at home with my work and still try to excel. I feel guilty for not being able to give my all to either space, what strategies can help me find a better balance and ensure that I can progress in my career without neglecting my family? Okay, there's a lot to break down here. The first is there's always going to be a struggle between vital and moral courage. Vital courage is the ability to do what's most important for you, that you can stand up for yourself, and your values, and your health, and all of these things. And then the next thing is you have to stand up for the moral courage of any structure that you're part of. One of those structures is going to be your family. Another is going to be your work and you might have others. In our family, we have the dance studio, that we're part of, we have the schools that were involved in, and we have other structures that were part of. I sit on boards and things like this. Okay. So, the first thing I'd like you to realize here is this balance is actually three ways, it's you, and your family, and your job. Your career aspirations are separate from the job. And your family responsibilities are separate from that job, or you. So, imagine trying to balance a set of scales, thinking that there's two baskets to add weight to, when there's actually three. And then you're not dealing with a, you know, straight across two-dimensional scale, you're dealing with a three-dimensional scale. No wonder we have difficulty finding a balance. The second thing is just the notion of balance, although we use it, it's more about an appropriate blend between these things. Because balancing something assumes that they are on two opposing ends, or in this case, three opposing ends of an equation. We need to think much differently than that. There's a lot of work that I do with people to have breakthrough structural sessions around understanding just what these decisions and what these opposing tensions are in their lives, and when they're in conflict and how we can resolve them. But the Coles notes is that it's very difficult to keep them in the opposition. And instead, we have to make a decision and design an approach that really properly prioritizes what we do first and second, and everything else becomes features of the priority. So, getting clear, in this particular, it is a false dichotomy. Because there's other things at play here. But when we think about balancing home versus career, being at peace with what comes first is really important. Because am I going to be fulfilling all of my responsibilities of the home and achieving my career aspirations when I can? Or am I going to achieve my career aspirations, and ensure that I am compensating or filling the responsibilities in some way that I have at home? Sounds like I'm being cute. But if you think about having a blend, where that future, where everything is properly blended, and serves each other, as part of a design, you now have one thing pulling you forward, one massive well-working thing, you're not torn between two things, or three things, right, so we have to get back into what I like to call work-life design, which is, what is the design behind care for ourselves and our family and our work and all of the areas that we choose to, I like to say lead, I really do. Because it doesn't matter if you're managing a team or something, you're taking on responsibility greater than yourself, you're really not passive in this, you are being really active and caring, both for yourself and others and people you've never met, right? So, my advice, in this case, is to stop first with trying to balance stuff, make some hard choices, make them well, and once you make those choices, you're going to find that you're in a much greater state of flow. Flow, structures, tensions, all of these things are very important to understand that it's part of a larger effort that I think is so important for all of you listening. And that is to become very, very fluent in your life, and what you care about and what you're out for, and to focus on those things that matter most. And to begin to cut away a lot of the rest. Tim 28:47So, whether or not you see yourself inside these examples, I'd encourage you to just ponder some of these questions and consider for yourself, do you have the job that you deserve right now? Do you have the work-life blend that you deserve? We get what we deserve in a lot of spaces. Do we have the car that we deserve, do we have the watch we deserve? Do we wear the clothes we deserve? Sure. But then we suddenly become a lot more passive when it comes to our own well-being. It's very easy to neglect oneself in one's path and to just soldier on and it never works out that well. Whereas, when we spend a little bit of time understanding ourselves and making great decisions that take us forward, and following the amazing advice that we've gotten over the last year for many of the guests that have been on the show, whether it is really focusing in on your passion or finding positivity in the workspace or dealing with your mindset or cutting away the noise or focusing on that true north. There's so many lessons that have taken place over the last 35 episodes that I really hope you take some time if you haven't listened to the back catalogue and find what resonates with you because the answers are there. We just need to love ourselves enough that we listen and are able to articulate them. I'm always available if you'd like to ask questions like this, if you have ideas for future podcasts, or you have other questions you'd like me to add to this list that I did not finish and will not finish tonight, feel free to go ahead and reach out to me and find me on LinkedIn. Or you can reach me at teamworkexcellence.com I really appreciate you taking the time to spend with me. And I really commend you for taking a little bit of time for yourself. Keep doing that. Keep on leading, keep leading the best life that you can. Look for another episode in two weeks. Thanks for joining me. Tim 30:46Thank you so much for listening to Sweet on Leadership. If you found today's podcast valuable, consider visiting our website and signing up for the companion newsletter. You can find the link in the show notes. If like us, you think it's important to bring new ideas and skills into the practice of leadership. Please give us a positive rating and review on Apple Podcasts. This helps us spread the word to other committed leaders. And you can spread the word to by sharing this with your friends, teams and colleagues. Thanks again for listening. And be sure to tune in in two weeks time for another episode of Sweet on Leadership. In the meantime, I'm your host, Tim Sweet, encouraging you to keep on leading.

In this engaging episode of Sweet on Leadership, host Tim Sweet sits down with Julie Freedman Smith, a seasoned parenting expert, for a thought-provoking conversation on parenting and leadership. Julie shares important insights on how parents can support their children in finding their own paths while balancing guidance and empathy. They discuss the importance of understanding the unique perspectives of children and how parents can embrace courage and flexibility while parenting. Julie and Tim explore the idea that children operate on a different "currency" than adults, valuing friendship and good feelings over time and achievement. They emphasize the necessity of reassessing parental expectations and focusing on short-term progress rather than long-term outcomes. Additionally, they draw parallels between parenting and leadership, discussing how adults can avoid limiting themselves to specific roles or activities based on early career choices or societal expectations. This episode is packed with practical advice and is a must-listen for anyone looking to enhance their parenting skills and leadership qualities, fostering growth, adaptability, and genuine fulfillment in both personal and professional realms.About Julie Freedman SmithJulie Freedman Smith is the founder of JFS Parent Education and co-founder of Parent Mentor Now. With over two decades of experience guiding parents across North America, she is dedicated to transforming family dynamics by fostering safe, respectful communication that builds lasting connections. As an author, podcast host, parenting expert, and mother of two, Julie understands the thrilling yet challenging journey of raising children in today's complex world.Her empathetic and practical approach empowers parents to support their children's growth and development while maintaining a positive family dynamic. Through practical strategies and open communication, she helps parents navigate the stresses and joys of parenting, ensuring both they and their children thrive. Julie's mission is to equip parents with the tools they need to create harmonious and resilient family environments, enabling them to handle the ups and downs of parenting with confidence and grace.Resources discussed in this episode:Yerba Mate: www.nosellama.caVitamix: www.vitamix.caMarshall Goldsmith: marshallgoldsmith.com--Contact Tim Sweet | Team Work Excellence: WebsiteLinkedIn: Tim SweetInstagramLinkedin: Team Work ExcellenceContact Julie Freedman Smith | Parent Mentor Now: Website: parentmentornow.comEmail: julie@juliefreedmansmith.comLinkedin: Julie Freedman Smith--Transcript:Julie 00:01So, I was just talking to a family this week about a child who's playing one level up. So, he's the youngest kid on the game. He's being picked on all the time and then he's taking that and he's picking on everybody else in his class because that's what it looks like. And so we can just take a step back, sit in the discomfort, this means I might not know the entire path for my child. And can I just be here? Can I be with this child right now with what they need from me right now, and see where we get to next? Tim 00:34Do you rely on others to set a vision and then give them what they need so that they can achieve something they never would be able to do on their own? Whether or not you formally lead a team. If this sounds like you, then you, my friend, are the definition of a leader. And this show is all about bringing you new insights from real people that you've never been exposed to. So, you can grow and increase your impact on the world and feel more fulfilled while you're doing it. Tim 01:01I'm Tim Sweet. And I'm glad you could join us for episode 34. Tim 01:08Hey, everybody, welcome back to the Sweet on Leadership podcast. Joining me once again, this will be your seventh visit? Seventh visit is, Julie Freedman Smith. Together, we form some sort of a superhero duo, yet to be named. We've been talking off-camera about things that are going on in our lives, we decided to hit record. And today we're going to take you into a subject that I think both of us seem to be orbiting. Now and again. It really came out for me as being important that I saw some of my clients pigeonholing themselves. And really, you know, we're dealing with the fact that they've always thought they needed to be something. I was telling you about this and you see a similar thing can happen with parents and children. But before we get into all that, let's introduce Julie and Julie other than being a great friend who gives me wonderful chocolates, on occasion. Why don't you tell everybody who you are and what you do? Julie 02:08Sure. Hi, everybody. My name is Julie Freedman Smith and I have a company called JFS Parent Education. People asked me, What does JFS stand for? It stands for Julie Freedman Smith, which seems to go over their head. But that's okay. My website is Parent Mentor now, and really, I'm about helping parents to create the family harmony that you've always wanted, without having to change who you are. And so, I've been friends with Tim for ages. In fact, Tim, I wanted to congratulate you, because I think this is podcast numbers 30, or like 34–Tim 02:4234. Julie 02:43We're a year in, eh? Tim 02:45Yeah, but if we take away the very first four, which was a four-part special that you and I did about casting off some of the things that are no longer helpful in our life bridge after COVID Sitting right around episode 30. So this is in many ways, this is our 30th episode. But technically, Episode 34. Julie 3:03That's pretty great. And a year of this talking to so many different people, I loved listening to your guests and learning these tiny little smidgens from each of them. So, congratulations. Tim 03:14Well, I appreciate that. I mean, it has been something to try to maintain that consistency and that cadence of every two weeks we're putting out an episode. But it really has been a chance to learn from all of these really interesting people. And again, the format of the show is to look for inspiration for people who find themselves in leadership positions and leadership situations and really wanting to bring their best selves to work, whether that's working for others, or, you know, managing a business, or leading on a sports team, or any of those things. What can we learn from one another, and there's so much wisdom out there that will never be published in a book, so many great stories that just can't make it anywhere else. And so when I meet great and interesting people, I want to bring them onto the show and just really open my community up to them, and so it's been exciting. Today, though, we're going to be talking about this issue of pigeonholing who we are and what we can do. And maybe by way of a little bit of a background here, of late, say in the last six months, it's been happening my entire career, or at least as long as I've been running a coaching company, that when I'm helping leaders and owners get fluency over how they want to work and how to make their work more meaningful and more fun because I'm a big believer that anybody can move their job into areas that are more rewarding so that you spend a lot of time at work that you're doing things that really fit, really feel like an expression of you and what you're passionate about. But increasingly, when we're doing that exploration, or at least it's been more noticeable to me of late. We run into these shoulds. Throughout these 30 episodes, you've heard me talk a lot about shoulding all over yourself. But when people have actually chosen vocations because of what they should be, rather than what they are, and this can work for some people who properly identify, but for others, they may be, you know, a year, five years, 10 years, 20 years into a career, all the while doing something that while they may be good at it, it really doesn't speak to them, it is purely a job. And so, understanding why that happened led us to an interesting place. And often that was they received feedback very early on, about who they should be, and why they should be that thing. And it made sense, the math made sense back then. And so, you know, when I brought this up to you, it was as a dad, also saying, hey, what happens when we become the person shoulding all of our kids? But rather than me go down that path, do you see that happening with parents and children? Has that been your experience? Okay, so take us in. Julie 06:10All the time. So, my sense of this is, for many people, parenting is the most important job that they will do, or certainly way up there in the things that they are doing. And also the thing at which they are least educated. So, they don't have a clue what they're doing. And they want to do a fantastic job right away. And so whenever we're in this situation, when we find an answer, or when we find what we think is an answer, we glom on to it, we hold on to it. And one of the ways we do that is figuring out our kids. So, when our kids are little, you know, we're just trying to figure them out. And suddenly our child takes to something, they take to an activity, and it's an activity that they love. And they might love it because we're clapping for them to do it, they might love it because who they were at that moment that they did it, it was fun and cool. And we go ah they love that, they love hockey, or they're going to be a dancer, or this is my little reader or whatever it is. And so we start to define the child by their action. And so, typically, when our kids are young, they actually think we know what we're talking about. And so if we, as parents are saying, you're a hockey player, you love hockey, and we get in there, and we put them into hockey. And we get on the board of the Hockey Association, and we coach and we are the team mom, and we are the manager, and we are all these things and the whole family's identity is around this particular activity. The child as they go along might not like that activity anymore. And yet, it's kind of what's expected of them and so they do it. So, I see that a lot. And I often see it where a parent will come to me and say this, my child wants to quit this, but this is their thing. They were gonna go to college on a scholarship, we've poured so much money into this. And so just this idea of, okay, so there's a corner in the pathway, how do we help to turn that corner? And do we even give our kids the opportunity to tell us like, some kids even too scared to say that they're not involved in it? So, that's one way that I see this happening. And it's completely with the best of intentions. This idea of I figured this piece out, I'm gonna ride with this particular thing and it might be around education, academics, sports, arts, it could be around a lot of different areas. So, that's one of the ways that I see it play out. Tim 08:43And I mean, you and I've had this conversation in a bunch of different areas. I mean, listeners will know that my three kids are all dancers. We're a dance family. And this is one of those areas that I remember early on. I think you and I had a conversation years ago, years and years ago, like, really early on in our relationship, this would have been 2015, or somewhere in there, 2016. And you had said something along the lines of, if the child is a dancer, and when they're asked what they are, I'm a dancer, what do you do, I dance and the as is our society when people say what do you do? You don't say well I walk a dog three times a week and I hike in the mountains and I love to bake bread you say I'm you know, massage therapist, I'm whatever. You know, that you had said to me? If the child's when asked says what do you do? I'm a dancer or I'm a hockey player or I'm going you know, I'm a competitive swimmer or I'm in debate club. Yeah, or whatever that is. If that falls away because of a situation, because of injury or because they don't make the grade or whatnot. And that's all they have, is that identity. It's what they do, is who they are, not who they are and they happen to do some stuff. They're lost, lost. And I remember seeing this in small scale when my daughter was injured, and it threw her off her dance career for two years, and in many ways, not a bad thing, because she had to consider what else she was. Although it was, she was in grade 10. And it was quite traumatic. Because suddenly that was who she was. That's how she filled her days. My youngest son walked away from it at 11. Still want to dance? He's like, no way. So, he's figuring out his world, his oyster, my middle boy, though, is planning on being a professional dancer. Luckily, he seems to be interested in many things, although all in the arts. So, we'll see, you know, but I do remember you saying that to me early on.Julie 10:49I was wise back then.  Tim 10:51You are wise now. Wisenhiemer, but it was, you know, it was meaningful, then. And we have children that can be influenced in this way. Well, we know we have a situation in North America overprescribing kids when it comes to extracurricular activities, and we tend to focus them into one. And it's always about the drive for excellence. Julie 11:14Right. We are also children, even as adults, right? Like, Tim 11:17Yeah, that was where I was going to go. Julie 11:18Like, we're still doing that. it was. Tim 11:19Yeah, that's right. And so for certain personality types, nothing can be done by half. So, if you're going to do it, it's how do I not just experience something, but I've got to turn it into this like major hobby, it can't be that I can just enjoy, this my latest thing, I can't just enjoy drinking Yerba Mate. No Se Llama, Canmore, Alberta, support them, they're really nice people. But I've got to know everything about it. I've got to, like, educate myself. And I've got to be, you know what I mean? It just can't be simple. It's got to be full on, you know, what are the health benefits? What are the cautions? And what's the right temperature to drink it at? And what's the tradition? And, you know, just can't be, you want to drink some stuff, that's going to be a little different. Nope. You know, so. Okay, so we have that as children. And then, as you say, we have that in ourselves this drive, to do it. So, talk to me a little bit about the pivotal moments, when that can really be formed. When in a person's experience, do we start to really listen to these things? Can the voices from the outside, I'm sure they're always important, but are there moments that are more profound than others, or timing, that's sponge-like? Julie 12:34As kids, we're very dependent on everything we're being fed, from our parents, literally and figuratively. And then often in that, you know, adolescent place we might push away, so we might actively go against whatever the prescribed thing is. I think also another time where that happens, you and I haven't talked about this, but is this, as we're moving into adulthood, the initial part of being an adult is role-playing being an adult. So, I'm going to get X, Y and Z certification, I'm going to buy adult-looking clothes, I'm going to get married, or I'm going to move into an apartment or I'm gonna buy a house or, I mean, who's buying a house nowadays? But there are those kinds of play-acting, what adults do and–Tim 13:26What you call swim to the center of the pool, right? In a sense, they're pushing off us in they're trying some things out. Julie 13:26Yeah, and we're all doing those things. And we tend to do that until somewhere around age 30 something, where we suddenly go, I'm doing all these adult things, I still do not feel like an adult, I'm not even sure that what I'm doing is something I like, but I'm not sure how to get out of it. Or am I going to look stupid for getting out of it? Or you know, and that is another time where we kind of take that left turn of like, oh, it could be different? And if this is what adulting is really about, how do I do it in a way that makes sense for me? Instead of playing the role of adults, how am I going to be an adult, that's really true to myself? So, I think there's some kind of a pivot point in that mid-30s that comes along, as well. Tim 14:20I remember, in my experience, it was almost like a, you start to focus on something a little bit more, and you have to cast off certain hobbies, you have to cast off, even in some cases, friends and certain social groups. And it's like, I have to pick my lane in a way, I guess is how it–Julie 14:37or I want to also, there is this element of I want to do this, like, I want to spend time doing what I really want to be doing if I can, or maybe the question is, how do I spend time doing more of what I really want to be doing? I have these obligations, I've got to meet those things. I've got to meet the needs. I've got to earn the money that I need and, you know, fulfill these obligations and how do I carve that piece of my life that's really fulfilling. Tim 15:04That's a very interesting point. Because I remember as a boy transition, when I stopped playing with toys, in a sense, like sort of gave up the toys, and I was more interested in sports and girls and music and things like this. And then that happened again, going into university is like another ratchet on the maturity spectrum, I'll use mature lightly. And then you know, you make certain life choices, and it's, and you kind of have to throw your lot in with a certain path. And around 30, there's another one where, as you say, where it's kind of like, you hit that 30 mark, and you kind of, you know you're through your 20s, you know, that it's serious now like you're… I actually remember when we had our first child, I remember the very moment after she was born and I've had this conversation with a lot of fathers, where it's just like a weight is on and suddenly it's no longer about you. You are very clearly the protector, the whatever that is, I don't know what the I'm not saying it's a cultural role, though it might be but I think it's actually genetic, where we're like, these are my responsibility now and it's like a totally different role. And you thought you knew what it was all the way up to the moment you held that child. And then you're like, Oh, I get it now. And you kind of it's scary. And it's like, this is what responsibility feels like, kind of thing. On that note, when you go through all of those, I've noticed, especially around the 30s, maybe in the 25s as well, when I'm working with my clients, younger clients, some made a decision, and others went through it more passively. The decision happened to them, in a sense, they went with the flow for good or for bad, whereas others were kind of like a mid-midlife crisis. I don't know, but it was very active. Julie 16:58They were steered into their role. Yep. Tim 17:01So, when that happens, we have some people that approach this with a high degree of risk and adventure. And, um, you use the term discomfort at times and others that do not. So, can we talk a little bit about that role of when we face these milestones of what would you say, further defining our identity? There's this element of are you passive? Or are you highly active? And what does that look like? We're dealing with two things here. One is the adults impression they leave on the child. Later on in life, there's our own questioning of ourself and our path. And perhaps let's go back to the first one and say, when we are helping to form or involved in the forming of a young mind, we can either be passive, or we can be highly active. What would trigger a person to be highly active versus passive? What do you see in parents that allows them to be really relaxed and just kind of go with the flow? And what might happen where a parent needs to intervene or feels they have to steer heavily? Julie 18:11Part of it is temperament. I don't think it's as easy as well, if you just turned left at the third corner, you would be this kind of a person. And if you kept going, then you became this kind of person. I don't think that's what it is. I do think there's an element of control. I'm very anxious to make sure that my kid is on the right path. I am going to do everything I can to keep them as safe as possible and keep them on this path. So, certainly–Tim 18:35Because it's my job, my responsibility. Julie 18:38Yeah, exactly. Which, of course, is impossible. Absolutely impossible. But there is that feeling. So, for some people, that's how they hang on. Some people are like I don't know what to do, so I'm not going to do anything. There's an element of, you know, moderation and all things including moderation. So, the ways that I would say that you can safeguard against doing that pigeonholing is creating some kind of opportunity for conversation and discussion around like, it's the next year to sign your kids up for the thing that they've been doing for the last year. Often towards the end of the year, kids are getting tired of something. And so we're like, do you want to keep doing this? And they're like, no, I don't. And I don't think quitting something when you're having a lousy time at it, is the best time to quit something. I think leaving something when you've had a good time, but you're done with it is more helpful if you have the opportunity to do that. Sometimes we don't have that opportunity, but just checking in and saying, do we want to keep doing this this year? Or do you want to do something different? And so for a lot of parents, I talked to a lot of parents who are like very clear that they want to have one kind of active hobby for their child and one kind of artistic hobby for their child. And so in order to do that they have to choose something but they don't necessarily have to choose the same thing every year. Now we have a lot of sports and music, things where you're in it, if you leave, you're sacrificing the place you have. And you might not get back into that same level. And so there's a lot of pressure. But the thing is, if the kid doesn't want to be there, if they don't like it anymore, then maybe that's okay. Like, maybe it's okay to step away from that thing. And every time we make a choice or a decision, there are consequences that happen, as a result of that. And again, part of our job as parents is to help our kids realise that they have the ability to make choices, and they have to live with the consequences. So, just creating these opportunities, having conversations, instead of just assuming that the child wants to keep going in this. And sometimes it's more than assuming it's like, well, we're in I've already said I'm going to be on the board for next year. So, we're kind of all in this, we just gotta keep going. And the child kind of gets pulled along. Tim 20:58And even then, that's interesting because I've been there, I've been there where I've, I've made a commitment to a studio or whatnot. But really, just because I've made a commitment that can be undone, you know, but all of that boils back to, it's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable for me to have to now back out of a commitment that I made, it's uncomfortable for me to have to consider, what if my child doesn't find the next thing, or is quitting or is letting his team down? Julie 21:29Letting the team down? Like, this is not about leaving halfway through the year, although that can happen sometimes, too. But this is about before we sign up again. Right? But you're right, there is the what if there's a sitting in the discomfort of if you're not a hockey player, what are you? If you don't play classical guitar, what do you do? Who are you? Tim 21:49We had our youngest in a rowing club, and he was young, two years younger than they usually let in. But he was big, and he was able to row and he did quite well. He also got picked on. So, we were halfway through the season, when they were just starting to get into looking at competition. And all the, I can't remember what they were called but anyway, the big regattas and everything, and we pulled him. We were just like, you know what, maybe in two years, but for right now, this is not, the juice is not worth the squeeze on this particular one. Julie 22:16No, definitely not. That's another issue as well, which is, but my child shows skill, my child showed talent, they're gonna move him up to the next team, they're gonna move her into the next level. Great. But there's a lot of other consequences that come from that that being picked on is one of those things. I was just talking to a family this week about a child who's playing one level up. So, he's the youngest kid on the game. He's being picked on all the time. And then he's taking that and he's picking on everybody else in his class because that's what it looks like. And so yeah, we can just take a step back, I guess, is part of it, take a step back, sit in the discomfort. This means I might not know the entire path for my child. And can I just be here? Can I be with this child right now with what they need from me right now? And see where we get to next? Tim 23:09And then there's the flip side of this. And now let's get back to the professional. Where i remember 24, I had a run three years of being very well known. Like, well, at least, I was a known chef locally, like I was at the top restaurant in the city at the time. I could have gone with that. I had the opportunity to go to Spain, or Australia, or Japan. And we decided not to and part of that for me was when I really broke it down. I didn't enjoy it. Am I creative and artistic? Yeah, I am. Was I a great cook? I was. Did I get awards? Sure I did. Did I like it? Nope. I didn't, just because you're good at something doesn't mean, that is what you have to do. There were elements of that lifestyle that I really didn't like, I respect other people for being in it. But it wasn't for me. And then I went back to school and got a business degree. And I think that's part of why I do what I do. I know the difference between being happy with what you are in and what you're not. If we flip this on the other side, when we're sitting with ourselves, not our children, and we put ourselves back into that place of how did I get here? And what was the math I did and really have to put in its place the attention we have with who we should be or who our parents were or what we were afforded and how they invested in us. Right? It's hard to undo. But once you undo it can be very, very clear, in that moment where you can really embrace and say, You know what, I really love what I do, or now that I look at it this way, I'm not entirely crazy about what I do. You know, I'm not getting a lot of joy from this. So, what can I do to raise that level of joy, or for this to feel like it's a better fit? Julie 25:04And sometimes there are a lot more responsibilities at that point, right? Because you still need to be earning the money to support yourself, or to pay your rent, or to support your family or whatever it is. Tim 25:16All right, so we have, we have these opportunities where we can sit and take these moments to really explore where we are, where our child is, if we were to step back and really state what do we think our expectation is on all of this, where are we may be layering that in, come to terms with what we're afraid of for the child or what, you know, what we really want to land, we can get things to a much more rational position, where we are not emotionalizing everything and layering on so much pressure on ourselves or on the child, that we're causing them to take a lane. Julie 25:57Yup, and just bring it back to like here, this amount of time, instead of thinking about how this is going to impact their university and what kind of person they're going to become in their 40s. What's happening in the next three months, six months? How do we move forward in that amount of time? Tim 26:15It's really interesting that you say that, because when we, when as I go through, and I talk to my kids, they have such a different time scale. It couldn't even be down to the fact that I don't feel like I have any friends at this place that I'm at. Or I have a friend and that's why I want to be in it. And their currency is something that's so different than ours, it's not in time and achievement. It's in friendship, it's in good feelings. They're operating on a different currency, rather than, oh well do this so that you can win the next Nobel Peace Prize, or whatnot. Let's shift from the parenting perspective to one that we'll all have, which is, how did we get where we are? And those might not have been little moments, depending on how we were raised. They could have been big blowouts. They could have been unspoken rules. They could have been all sorts of things. But I guess taking that moment for ourselves, where we let ourselves step back and look at the roots of why we have a certain expectation on ourselves. And maybe can we get it down to that, you know, it's almost like, understand the design behind our life that led us here because it wasn't by accident. I mean, this is one thing. It's so funny when I when I work with people, they're never broken. In that sense, when we talk about career, the career is perfectly where it's supposed to be based on everything that's happened up to that point. It's led us here, right? And in here we are. So, what's your thinking about serving that child inside, in a sense, now talking to the adult? Who's having to consider, you know? Julie 27:58So, I think there is value in going backwards and looking in the rearview mirror and asking how we got here and why we're here. And I think we can get so caught up in all of that, that it's just another form of distracting us from the what do we do now? So, for me a question that I prefer to why I don't like it as a parenting question. And I don't really like it as a question in general, why am I stuck in a job I don't like? Why don't have, why? I like the question, how? How do I take a small step towards where I want to be? Because, as we just talked about, there could be a lot of reasons to stay in this job or to tolerate where you are right now. Because your education has led you to that point. And different education would be expensive. And there are people counting on you and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not saying you should stay there forever. I don't believe in that. And the thing is, if anybody was to take a look at your life career, life timeline and my life timeline, you and I have had so many different jobs in so many different ways. We're very privileged to have that freedom to choose and to ride the waves that came along. That being said, there's nothing to stop us from moving one degree towards that thing we might want to do. It doesn't have to be our career. It could be something we're doing once a month, it could be something we're doing every Saturday morning, it could just be some slight curve in the path that's going to help us to feel better about how we're spending our lives. It's feeding us to be able to continue to do the other stuff. Tim 29:40Using that analogy. I'm going to layer preemptively into that idea of what we want to do. That is a great question to be asking. Because if we're going to angle towards this idea of true north, is that our true north, or is it a true north that was– is it the true north we would choose, right? And coming to terms with what we want is a really big step because you could be layering in all of these supposed to be's, on to that, what do I want to do? And it could be going all the way back to where we started, which was, well, I'm a dancer, and therefore what I want has to involve dance. What if it doesn't? What if it is something? So getting right down to that, what do I really want? And is that different than the story I've always told myself? Julie 30:34Yes, and what don't I want? Tim 30:36And what don't I want. Julie 30:37Sometimes it's easier to figure out what you want, when you can be like, I don't know what I want. But I know that I don't want to be doing this. There's one part of this that I don't want.Tim 30:49I'll put a link, I shared an article recently that I wrote in 2015 called “What Leaders Can Learn from My Blender.” And I have a blender, which I'm in love with, I love my blender, I love my salad spinner. I don't know why they're just two implements that I just dig, shout out Vitamix. Vitamix can clean itself in seconds. If you do it right away. If you don't, it's like some sort of industrial adhesive and you're in there with a brush and a chisel if you're unlucky, or whatever. The point is, in cheffing, we used to say clean as you go. And so that idea of not just saying what we want, but what we don't want. What are we going to let ourselves, what are we no longer going to pursue or be? That's going to be a big part of managing the energy it's going to take towards where we need to go. And coming really to terms with cleaning as we go and say, and it's back to that example you said, when we're 30, we're kind of in this new lane of saying while we're doing this, we're gonna cast off some things. It might be that rejuvenation, again, we might be in this season of literally turning the leaf and like a palm tree shedding its fronds and putting up new shoots, right? We have to go again. And that little cycle of reinvention it's is great. But what true north are we using to decide what these new leaves are going to look like in which way we're going to how many coconuts we're going to be hanging at the end? Julie 32:22I don't know that you necessarily can know that. I think it's okay to not know that.Tim 32:25But can we get closer to a yes? Julie 32:27Yes, it's pointing the ship slightly closer. I was listening to an interview with Sally Field this morning. And she was talking about, and I hope I can paraphrase this correctly. When we're little, and we're going through hardships or fears, we might knit ourselves a sweater to keep us warm and safe. And we keep wearing that same sweater, even when we're much older than we were in the sweaters too. I'm now taking her analogy and I'm switching it a little bit. But you know, we're wearing that tiny sweater of I should do this, I need to be this person which fit us then but it really doesn't fit us now. And it's cramping our style. And part of it is, take the sweater off. You can figure out what sweater you want to put on next. But take that one off, notice those things. Notice those thoughts that you're telling yourself, notice those stories that you were telling yourself that got you here and served you very well to here. And now, how are you going to start knitting the new sweater to keep you safe in this new way of being you? And part of that is you know, like can I be a little bit more uncomfortable? Because I'm older now and I can handle a little more discomfort? And then, you know, how can we just slightly try something different? It doesn't have to be all or none. We don't have to know exactly where we're going. Because who knows where they're going? I knew exactly where I was going as a child, right up until the time that I didn't get into med school. And then I didn't have a clue where I was going. So, like even if we think we know exactly where we're going. We don't. Tim 34:01That recognition that “what got you here won't get you there,” was what Marshall Goldsmith always said, right? What got you here is not going to get you there. Because all it's, where you've arrived is now you're on this new cliff face, you're sitting. You're sitting in this in this place where you can see what's possible. But the climb at this point is not going to be what the next thing looks like. You can take certain tools, you can learn certain steps, you can apply certain skills, derisk things perhaps. But if you keep doing it the way that you're doing it, you will not, it won't amount in change. Because you're just that's what got you here, not what gets you there. So, I think that that's– Julie 34:42I think we got here. Tim 34:44I think we got here. A couple of couple of parting thoughts, which I think is good. And I think, you know, that willingness to put ourselves into that. That state of vulnerability and discomfort is really important. Which raises I guess what I would say, a thought that's really coming out for me right now. And I think for me personally, it's going to even help me with my clients, it'll help me with my kids. You bring this up when you're 50, and you're talking to other 50-year-olds about how they're feeling about life, my mental age is 26. I don't know why it just is 26. And we went, we're at dance competition this weekend, and I was going around the table with other parents and said, What's your mental age and people were like, 32, 37, 26, 23. Everybody could tell me who they are in their head. For whatever reason. I don't know why that is. But it's, you know, at a certain point, you look in the mirror, and you're surprised to see this face. Julie 35:37Absolutely. Or this hair colour, right? We were talking about that? The silver quality of both of our pictures. Tim 35:46Yeah, silver chin, the understanding that when we're making these leaps, we have to give up comfort, we have to say we're now at a point where we're making a change. And we're at this precipice. When we think of this now, in the parent-child context, the child is the one that's got to live with the consequence. They're on the edge, they're on the, they're ready to make the shift. When the parent or the mentor or whatever comes in, the All-Knowing, all-seeing, been there, done that, do it my way, mentor whatever, comes in over the top and speaks with such certainty. And such absolute, when in reality, our ass does not have to cash these checks. Do you know what I mean? Like we're about to make a decision that this child is going to have to live with maybe into their 30s, 40s, 50s. And I'm just saying to speak with it with such certainty. I would much rather take a moment and say, Wait a minute, picture your child as being in this uncomfortable, uncertain place. Stop for a moment and realise that you're not the only one feeling uncomfortable here. They're putting it up, they're putting up their chips to be risked, in a sense, it's not just us taking the risk. Maybe that's obvious to others. It's sure it's not obvious to me. It hasn't been as I've gone through this. Julie 37:20Right? And I also think we, you know, we walk a delicate line, because depending on the age of your child, like you're not going to let your two-year-old decide, like, yeah, we have to keep them safe. And we need to meet them where they are. And love them for who they are not what they do, and take them the next step or two down the road. And here's the thing, I mean, we were talking off-camera about this. Every one of these things that's recruiting your child to be a thing is a business. They want your money, and they're trying to get you to sign up. So, that you feel stuck there. Or so you don't miss out. Tim 38:02Oh, you're talking about the extracurricular stuff. Sure. Julie 38:05Yeah, all of the choirs and the hockeys and the dances and all the things. Tim 38:09They got an angle. Julie 38:10Yes, they have an angle. And quite frankly, your money will be just as good to them two months down the road, most of these things. So, if you say I have to sign up now because if I don't, you're not gonna let my kid in, there's a good chance that two or three months down the road, you could come in and say, you know what, we made the wrong decision. And we really want to be part of this, we realise what we're missing. And in all likelihood, they're going to take your money. They work for you.  Tim 38:44Sure. And then there's the, you know, I want my child to be successful. And so I want them to go into a certain vocation, and they've always gotten been good at math. So, therefore, they must be an engineer, or something. It's their life. They've got to deal with those consequences. So, I guess what I would say is, as a coach, I want to see my clients love their work, you know, not struggle, like all of those things that are just generally what I want for my clients. And I think as parents, sometimes we are willing to offer advice. But as a coach, I know that I'm not there to see that through. I can be with them, but they're doing the work. It's their lift. It's their choice. Julie 39:30And we kind of want to see people struggle. Tim 39:32We do. Julie 39:33With no struggle, there's no growth. Tim 39:35100%, what I mean is that I think can sometimes be clouded as a parent, where we don't necessarily know what we're signing the child up for. And a few words spoken from our own baggage of what we should be or whatnot or living vicariously through them or making it about not letting our parents down or not letting, whatever, can program that child in a way that we don't even realise, right? Or may take choice away from them that we don't even realise? And it's not about I mean, I'm not saying everybody should be living a bohemian lifestyle where we're just like, hey, let it rip. Julie 40:14Well, we're gonna do this in so many ways. Part of it is, I guess the hope is that we're conscious of some of the times that we're doing it. Because we're, I mean, none of us as parents are going to come out of this without making mistakes. Just as no parent, no parent ever does, right? Like, we're gonna mess up our child in some way. So, just getting clear about what we're doing and the direction that we're taking. Some people are gonna listen to us and say, Yeah, screw you. I'm going to still push my child to do this. Great–Tim 40:42Because it's more important.Julie 40:43Make a conscious choice. Yeah. Tim 40:45Yep. Okay, I'm going to do two things here at the end, I'm going to ask if you could leave our listeners with any parting thought or have a wish for them, what would it be? What would you hope for anybody that's stuck with us this far? Julie 41:03Well, I think it would be my favourite value, or virtue or whatever, which is courage. Courage, courage, courage to sit in the hard stuff to notice the emotions that you're having to not, you know, roll it away, or eat it away, or drink it away? Just to sit in that discomfort and just check in? What are my emotions actually telling me? Yeah. Tim 41:27And how many of those are my super imposing perhaps? Or– Julie 41:31Yeah, just like, what is what am I trying to figure out? Tim 41:32Where are they coming from? Yeah, I love that. Julie 41:36And how do I move forward? So, I wish for everyone courage, it's my favourite value. I think it's super powerful. What about you? Tim 41:43So, what do I wish? I hope that, particularly when people are thinking about their own career space, that if they feel that something's not on, if they feel like something's not a fit, to stop and listen to that feeling. It doesn't mean you have to stop the train. You don't have to slam the brakes on. But pay attention to that feeling. And try to articulate it and try to write it down and really discover what's at the basis of that. What is actually bothering us? Because if we don't get down to that, if we're not fluent in the thing that's bothering us, and why, then that can come out in all sorts of negative ways. Whereas, if we can get fluent in it, and understand where it was from, as you say, we can then design for the future, right? We can make a choice, we can understand how that what's influencing that tight knot. And I think then the second part of that is, spare a little thought for understanding when you were having all these moments of discovery and potentially insecurities or whatnot. Kids feel this stuff, too. I make a point at the dance studio, even when kids are eight. I try to talk to them, like human beings, which I still have a responsibility to be an adult, I get that. But what I'm asking what they're doing, I want to talk to them and listen to them as if they're maybe not fully formed. But their thinking, feeling beings with their own view on the world. Because if I hear it through my adult years, I'm not listening. I'm taking my position and processing through it, which has to happen on some level. But the flip side is trying to see what's, get down on your knees and see what the world looks like, from their perspective. And I just think we listen with a fuller heart, or with a more open heart when we do that. Julie 43:41And courage is also comes from the heart, curl kurage. It's feeling scared and doing it anyway and finding the strength to do it anyway, that comes from love. So yes, the heart is a big part of this whole thing. Tim 43:53So, we've got one more piece of business. But before we get to that, I want to ask you, if people want to reach out to you, where can they find you? Julie 44:00Probably the easiest place to connect with me is at my website, parentmentornow.com. You can send me an email through there, you can check out all of my services, you can book a free call with me. All of those things are easy. You can find my book there. Everything's there. So, parentmentornow.com. Tim 44:20The last piece of business, we are episode 34. Our previous episode was Brent Yogge, who is a section chief with the FBI in technology and counterterrorism and things like this. Excellent. Excellent, excellent, but the tradition of late is to ask every guest to drop a question on the guest after them. So, Brent's question. I'm going to try to paraphrase this a little bit. When you think about individuals, he was talking about individual contributors. But in this case, it could be anybody that's contributing say, to a family or to a, in a job or on the choir or anything that you're involved in. But especially those that are looking out for others in your vocation that could be parents potentially? How do you inspire them to really adopt the mindset and perspective that they are leaders, that they are influencing others, that they are in that position of power? And then how do you encourage them to be just leaders? Or the leaders they want to be? That's his question. And I think it's how do you inspire them to really embrace that idea of leadership? And even if they're not managers, we're not just talking about managers, we're talking about people that are influencing something other than themselves outside of themselves? How do you inspire them to really take that on? If that works in your context? And then once they have that, how do you encourage them to embrace and fully actualize that? So, first of all, to be it, and then to make it there, to see it through? Julie 46:10Okay, so thanks for not warning me about this beforehand.Tim 46:12 No, it's fine.Julie 46:15So, I work very hard at living the life that I speak about. So, I model the life that I encourage for others. And one of those things is I empathise with people and see them for their path that they're walking, not my path that I'm walking. So, I am, I hope that what I do is I check in with them, see them, help them to know that they are not alone in the struggle that they're having. Because more often than not, I've met somebody who feels exactly the same way as they have, they are feeling. And sometimes we feel like we're the only one going through this. And so it's really hard to find the courage to step forward, when we feel like we're not alone, maybe we feel a little less shameful, we can climb out of that shame and step forward. So, just connecting with people seeing them for who they are and building community around them. And then helping them to find, you know, comes back to that how, helping them to find that one step that they can take that feels safe for them to take, that's going to move them out of where they're stuck one little bit, so that they can feel good about that and believe that they can change and then help them to make the next step. Tim 47:42That it's not this overnight success, everything everywhere all at once. Julie 47:47I think that's how I do it. Tim 47:48I don't know, I would say that that is exactly how you do it, having been on the receiving end of that. So, I think and I think that was a perfect answer, and this is why I love this show. Because it's like this is where we have knowledge coming from you. That, as far as I'm concerned is directly applicable into the life of somebody who's trying to mentor other leaders or bring up their staff, or anything like that. All right, yeah. One last question. Julie 48:11What's my question? Tim 48:12What's your question for the next person to put them on the hot seat? Understanding they may not be parents or they may not be whatnot. Let er' rip? What would you be curious about? Julie 48:24How did they find the courage to do the hard things? Tim 48:32Julie Freedman Smith, so many hugs coming your way. Julie 48:35And right back to you, my friend. Tim 48:37Okay, I can't wait till we can do this again. Thanks very much for joining us.Julie 48:39Thank you, so much fun. Tim 48:46Thank you so much for listening to Sweet on Leadership. If you found today's podcast valuable, consider visiting our website and signing up for the companion newsletter, you can find the link in the show notes. If like us, you think it's important to bring new ideas and skills into the practice of leadership, please give us positive rating and review on Apple Podcasts. This helps us spread the word to other committed leaders. And you can spread the word too, by sharing this with your friends, teams and colleagues. Thanks again for listening. And be sure to tune in in two weeks time for another episode of Sweet on Leadership. In the meantime, I'm your host, Tim Sweet, encouraging you to keep on leading.

In an empowering episode of Sweet on Leadership, host Tim Sweet sits down with Erin Ashbacher, a highly accomplished CSEP-certified personal trainer and Senior Health Advisor. Tim and Erin delve into the crucial intersection of health and leadership development, with Erin emphasizing the need to view health as a dynamic lifestyle change rather than a time-consuming endeavour. As a powerlifter and former dancer, Erin draws on her expertise in cardiac rehabilitation, challenging common excuses with a focus on small, consistent steps and flexibility in workouts. Erin emphasizes intentional movement, goal-setting, and the creation of personalized fitness programs. The episode explores overcoming the common “no, but” mindset with the mindset of yes, and. They emphasize the evolving nature of fitness journeys and the positive impact of investing in health on professional success. Erin's unique approach combines her expertise in listening, goal-setting, and life balance, positioning her as an invaluable resource for clients seeking personalized fitness and coaching services. The episode encourages leaders to prioritize preventative wellness and provides the resources to start your journey to a healthier work-life balance. About Erin AshbacherErin Ashbacher, a distinguished Senior Health Advisor and CSEP-certified personal trainer, is a driving force in health, wellness, and fitness. Armed with a Bachelor of Kinesiology from The University of Calgary, Erin, a powerlifter and former dancer, seamlessly combines expertise in movement, nutrition, and motivation.As the owner of ERA Fitness, Erin boasts a top 10 industry performance since 2016, offering personalized training and coaching services. Her approach, emphasizing life balance and aligning health with professional goals, positions her as a key collaborator for leadership development clients in Calgary and beyond. Erin's superpowers encompass listening, goal-setting, movement expertise, and the ability to create customized programs, both in-person and online. Rooted in a famous Alberta rodeo family, she brings a unique appreciation for farming and ranching to her multifaceted lifestyle, which includes enjoying outdoor activities with her partner, Doug.Resources discussed in this episode:Julie Freedman Smith--Contact Tim Sweet | Team Work Excellence: WebsiteLinkedIn: Tim SweetInstagramLinkedin: Team Work ExcellenceContact Erin Ashbacher | ERA Fitness: TWE: teamworkexcellence.com/aboutEmail: erashbacher@yahoo.ca--Transcript:Erin 00:01There's definitely been a lot of people who think that being busy is really, you know, the gold standard and you know, making sure that we do it all. And it's hard when you're working in cardiac rehab, and you see people that have all of a sudden just been stopped in their tracks. And it made me really realize that preventative medicine, preventative wellness is where we want to be. Tim 00:25I'd like to ask you some questions. Do you consider yourself the kind of person that gets things done? Are you able to take a vision and transform that into action? Are you able to align others towards that vision and get them moving to create something truly remarkable? If any of these describe you, then you my friend, are a leader, and this show is all about and all for you. Welcome to the Sweet on Leadership podcast. This is episode 29. Tim 00:59Hey, everybody, welcome back to Sweet on Leadership. Today, I am thrilled to introduce to you somebody that I've known for years now. I mean, I think we've known each other since 2014. Or maybe even before that 2013, 2012? This is Erin Ashbacher. Erin and I met years ago when Erin was my trainer at a gym. And I would say it's been a friendship I value more and more every year that I know you. So, welcome, Erin. Erin 01:29Oh, thanks, Tim. That's so sweet of you, I very much value our friendship as well. So, thank you.  Tim 01:36And for those of you that work with TWE, you'll know that Erin is our in-house trainer. Fun stat is about 90% of the executives that I work with rank their health and their balance as one of the things on the life side of the work-life equation that always needs work. And so recognizing this, I'm not qualified in this area but I sure as heck know somebody who is. Erin is part of our team and as well as running your own business, ERA Fitness. Erin is our key associate in this area. So, happy to have you as part of that team There.  Erin 02:12Yeah, I'm super thrilled to be part of the TWE team as well. Yeah. Tim 02:17So, Erin, why don't we just take a moment and besides what I know about you, why don't you take a moment and introduce yourself to everybody that's listening today? Erin 02:25I'm a Kinesiologist and went to school at the University of Calgary for Exercise and Health Physiology, started my career in cardiac rehabilitation, which was the scary side of being in kinesiology right, like people have already done and experienced a really traumatic thing and now they're super grateful to have a second chance. It was a really great learning experience for me and it was where I wanted to start my career. And then I eventually brought myself back to Calgary where I got to work downtown, and I went into kind of the corporate world and got to work with ton of wonderful, wonderful clients from all walks of life, you know, and got to experience what it's like to work hard, not only from like, I want to complete this race on the weekend, but just like a stress management perspective with my clients of getting them to be able to kind of add that health and wellness into their world. Yeah. And then I've gotten a chance to be part of a little bit part of everything that interests me, I've got my mountain bike coaching certificate, and I've been doing that for the last few years, worked with snowboarding and got my coaching with snowboarding. Although, I will admit I'm a horrible snowboarder. I just really love doing it and I enjoy coaching. Yeah, so that's my kind of professional career. And yeah, I grew up in rural Alberta, part of a big family on a ranch with cattle and sheep and I still to this day, well along with a lot of help from my parents run 100 head of meat breed sheep, which is super exciting, to just continue to be part of that. Tim 04:09And for those listeners that are listening from around the world, you may know that Calgary and the Calgary Stampede is a big part of our heritage here. We are an agricultural province besides oil and gas, that is one of our key areas. And of course, the Ashbacher family is renowned as being one of the big rodeo families in the province. And so something that I always think it's such a neat aspect to your life and what a thing to be involved in as well. I mean, you're a powerlifter, I think that's important to mention. And you're an award-winning trainer. You're not just a kinesiologist and a trainer run of the mill, you are award-winning.  Erin 04:47Yeah, I was recognized for I think four years in a row with my company as being the top trainer. It's interesting because it was never something I was really necessarily aiming for. But when you're doing what you love and things are just kind of clicking in place, it just made sense to me that all of a sudden, I found myself on top. And I was like, Oh, this is kind of cool. Like who knew? Yeah. Tim 05:07And I love when you talk to me about what you're learning and where you're going, that you're so active in that space. I mean, you're still attending conferences, you're still up on the literature, you're not passive when it comes to continuing to grow and to develop and to learn and to stay on the cutting edge of what it means to help others be healthy. Erin 05:25Absolutely. Our industry is constantly evolving, and there's constantly new evidence-based research out there that can be implemented. And I think it's really important to understand like how our society is evolving, and how the people around us are evolving, and how we can continue to make sure that, you know, health doesn't come in a bottle, that health is one of those things that we need to continue to invest in. And knowing how I can help assist my clients with that is really important. So yeah, continuing education is a big part of that. Tim 05:59Yeah, and I think for anybody listening, many people will have been exposed to trainers. And a lot of trainers are kind of fly by night, it's something that they're doing in the part-time, it's something that they do just so that they can, you know, I don't know, they don't tend to be educated much beyond what they're getting on the job site. For those of you listening, Erin is not that, okay? This is somebody who I admire because professionally, you are gripping and ripping it. I mean, you are always expressing yourself to the utmost of your potential. And that's something that I find inspiring. So again, just happy to have you here. And I can't wait till we get into what we're talking about. So, when we thought of having you on the show, we're really thinking about this balance that I see so many of my clients have, which is although they're excelling in their professional lives, and they're shooting for higher and higher levels of impact with their teams, perhaps going on promotions, and they tend to be you know, these are really leaders in whatever industry that they're in, they can still struggle with health. And an interesting stat, as I say is 90% of them will have health concerns. They don't feel like they're quite as balanced as they want to be in that area. And the other part is any of them with kids also tend to have 90% of people with kids had family concerns, which is why as you know, we have Julie on the other side with the family expertise. But for you, when you come through cutting your teeth with cardiac rehabilitation, and having been around business stress and professional stress, a lot of my life, we're no stranger to seeing people go down from that as a problem. Because it's often one of the things that people who work too hard and don't look after themselves have to face. How does that ready you or lead you towards your thoughts on the importance of one's leading their own health? Can you speak a little bit to that for me? Erin 07:59Yeah, I mean, there's definitely been a lot of people who think that being busy is really, you know, the gold standard, and you know, making sure that we do it all. And it's hard when you're working in cardiac rehab, and you see people that have all of a sudden just been stopped in their tracks. And it made me really realize that preventative medicine, preventative wellness is where we want to be. And I've always kind of said to my clients, like, let's try and make small steps for a better, more active, healthier lifestyle today, so that we don't get that big stop of, oh, gosh, we've had a cardiac event and now we need to change your life completely, right? When you're all of a sudden taken out of work and being able to care for your family because you've had this serious cardiac event. We don't need to get there, we can pull it back. And we can take care of it right now in small doses, that compound and build on each other in a really positive way. So, you know, making sure that we're taking care of our stress and taking care of our physical health as well as our mental health. Absolutely. Tim 09:06There's no shortage of examples of people who don't even get the chance to second crack, they work their entire lives, and they can often be very successful. They don't get a chance to enjoy retirement, they don't get a chance to see what's on the other side of all that hard work. They're always waiting for tomorrow, aren't they? And I speak from experience here. You're always waiting for tomorrow. Erin 09:27I don't have time today. I'll do it tomorrow. Yeah. Well, even some of my clients that have reached retirement, and they've had a really successful career, and now that they're retired, they're like, oh, now I'm going to take care of my health. But maybe they have an ailment that has been kind of creeping around on them. And so they just feel like they're starting at a really deep bottom. Like, oh man, if I would have just started going to the gym or being a little bit more active in my 40s or my 50s. Now that I'm in my 60s, I wouldn't have to deal with this big mountain, right? And then it can be a bit discouraging to people when they kind of thought that their retirement was going to be one way. And their health and physical limitations are creating some a different story for them. Right? So yeah, let's take care of it today. Tim 10:14I was facilitating and teaching a room of about 40 Higher Education executives last week. I was sharing with them, you know, we often think about how are we going to empower our staff, or our faculties, right? And the interesting thing about that is I was showing them how often when people start a job, they are never going to have more potential, they're never going to feel more optimistic about growth. And then we start to scuff them up. And the leader can inadvertently push that person down and liquidate that person's sense of potential and sense of growth. And then we're in a position where we have to build it back up. And I'm reminded of that as you're speaking, because we would never knowingly want to liquidate someone else's health and then have them have to try to on the back foot, get it back. We wouldn't let an employee do that. That would be outside the value set for so many of the people that I work with. But we seem awfully comfortable letting ourselves liquidate our health and then having to find ourselves on the backfoot trying to gain back our health, right, trying to gain back our fitness or trying to gain back because we had an event or where we've now had a nagging injury that's gotten worse and worse and worse. We would never treat anybody else like that. But we seem quite comfortable letting that be the standard of our self-care. Is that something that you see, too?  Erin 11:43Yeah, absolutely. Like, like you said, you would never let your spouse treat you that way. But yet you're willing to treat yourself that way. You'd never let your leader treat your employees like that, right? Tim 11:55Yeah, there's people that will take their dog for a walk because they don't want their dog to be overweight, right? But they won't make the time to take themselves for a walk. To keep themselves in fitness.  Erin 12:05I think some of the limitation on that too comes from there's this idea that taking care of your health and being physically active is a bit of a luxury, right? It's a luxury in time. It's a luxury in finances if you're paying for a gym membership, or whatever. And so this idea that I'm being selfish if I'm carving out this time for my health, and so I don't want to be selfish because I want to make sure I'm giving to my team or giving to my family. And so we kind of easily just kind of, you know, sweep it under the rug. I'll do that tomorrow. Right? And yeah, it's something that we are saying to ourselves that we really need to change in my opinion. Tim 12:48Erin, I want to play you a little clip here and get your thoughts on it as we continue here. If you don't mind? Audio Clip 12:52Baby, I feel sorry for you. Did you forget your headphone? Stop being a girly man and work out. I don't have enough time. Which of course the biggest bullshit I've ever heard because we have 24 hours a day. You didn't have time for working out, you're not having time for taking care of your body, are you out of your mind? You don't have time. Manage your time better. Okay? The gym is too busy, well then go at five in the morning, you forehead. Okay? Have you ever seen a gym at five in the morning? There's almost no one there. So, just get up early and go to the gym early. Tim 13:28So, Erin what do you think when we hear Arney speak there? Erin 13:31It's a bit tipsy. Right? But I mean, it makes you laugh. And there's so much truth to it. I mean, we do, we have a ton of time in our days, you know, are we scrolling for an hour? What are we doing that we can put something more positive in, you know, we get so much more out of it. Right? So, stop making excuses. If you need accountability, find someone that can keep you accountable, right? Whether that's your trainer, right? Well-educated trainer, or whether that's a good friend, that you guys are making a commitment to each other. But yeah, he's not wrong. Take care of your body. Tim 14:05It's funny because he talks about, you know, I love how he uses the term, you know, get up at five in the morning, you forehead. And I don't know if this is what he means. But I feel like half the time we're in our own brains. We talk ourselves out of stuff. Practically most people know why it's important to work out. Most people understand why it's important to put in the effort and put in the time and not slack on that, like we understand, theoretically, that people have to exercise. We've received all of the information for the most part. Very few people can claim to be ignorant, that it's not important to you know, at least be active if not engage in resistance training or do something cardiovascularly. So, we don't need a lot of science to tell us that's important. And in many cases, we know we feel better when we go and we do it. So, why in your experience, do people find it so hard? What are some of the excuses? Or baby excuses that you hear? Erin 15:05So many baby excuses. Yeah. I mean, one of the big ones is, well, I just don't have a full hour to dedicate, or like, you know, an hour and a half to dedicate, by the time I get there and then get back to the office. Yeah, so I just like to tell people like stop making it so rigid. Like nobody said, your workout has to be an hour, you have 20 minutes, go for a really nice brisk walk, call it a good one. Try again, tomorrow, right? Doesn't have to be this rigid time interval. So, that's definitely a big excuse that I've heard. The other one that I've heard is always this. Well, you know, my boss won't let me get away from the office. And I'm at the office for nine hours a day. And then there's an hour commute. So it comes down to that, I don't have time. Yeah. But then they tell me about all the TV shows that they watch when like, maybe you can be working out while you're watching those TV shows, I don't know. Tim 15:53Yeah, or they take a bunch of time to record a podcast. When Sandra Sherry and Arnold Schwarzenegger mean. You know, if we think about the time issue, and we think that really we could break it up into different choices, 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there. Another team I'm working with, when we went through, and we were looking at getting back a sense of camaraderie and teamwork that they seem to have lost. We talked about one of the traditions that they had lost, one of their senior leaders or senior colleagues had always gone around and tapped everybody on the shoulder and said, Come on, we're going for a walk for 15 minutes. And then as the group got younger, and he started to question whether or not he was sort of had the same sway or, because it was lateral. He wasn't their boss, he was their colleague, he stopped doing it. And he assumed that nobody wanted to be bothered. And he felt like he was bothering people. But the interesting thing was, is that I talked to those younger staff, and they were all like, Man, I sure miss when so and so would tap me on the shoulder and say, Come on, let's just go for a walk. And I really miss that. And so it's funny how we talk ourselves into these excuses. And look, I'm no expert here, you've heard me talk myself into excuses all the time. I was dealing with a knee replacement but I had focused because I knew that if I didn't get that movement back, and it's turned out well. But if I didn't get it back in six weeks, I was not going to see significant improvement. But since then, like I fell on my can over the Christmas holiday and so I had a sore butt. That sore butt has been a pretty convenient excuse for not getting up and moving. Right? And it's really late at home to me just how rampant sitting disease or I don't know what we call it officially. But you know, spending a lot of time sitting in an office, working virtually, working on technical things, is such an easy way to see yourself slip. So, very quickly. And then the little pains in the age start to come in. And we have reinforcers that oh, you know, it's hard. And you know, I've talked about this, but why is that such a flawed formula? You're hard on me, I'm alright with it. Erin 18:24That's loaded. I mean, it is hard. But I feel like most of us when we think about okay, we need to go back to the gym. Like I said, it comes back to that rigidity, if it has to be me lifting weights at my max capacity, it has to be me going to the pool for an hour, it has to be right and it doesn't have to be. It's so easy to just say this is going to be hard, and I'm going to be in pain and I won't be able to sit properly for a month after I start. So, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that pain, right? And I think that like I said, your physical fitness needs to be and your physical health needs to come in as a lifestyle change, right? Go for a 20-minute walk. I am stressed out about all the things that have been flying at me on my keyboard today. I'm just going to take a moment and go for a 15-minute walk. And it might be brisk, or it might be strolling. You need to choose your own adventure in that right but stop getting wound up and all of the things that you think it has to be. Tim 19:25And it's so counterintuitive, because if I feel really stressed, often it can be like Oh, I'm stressed I got so much to do. I better stay at my desk and slug it out, versus saying you know what? If I went for a 15-minute walk I'd probably come back and be even more productive.  Erim 19:41Absolutely, and there's there's tons of research that shows that that actually happens right? Even me, I had something come up just recently super stressed. I didn't know where to turn I needed to talk it out. I phoned up my bestie and I'm like we need to go walk the track because it's winter so we're walking the track instead of outside and you know we're gonna go do a workout. And we got five ways around the track. And I said, No, I still need to keep walking and venting. I can't I'm not ready to lift weights yet. And it was great. We had a, you know, short impromptu weight session after that, but there was no intention of doing weights. I just wanted to go for a walk and get it out. Right? So yeah, we just need to stop. And then just do. Yeah. Tim 20:24You forehead. Erin 20:25Yeah, I have one of my clients, they put a sticky note on their computer. And just when it gets hard, go for a walk, right? Or do 10 Push-ups, right, like, get away from that stress thing, the oh my gosh, my to-do list is 150 things long. And I only have 10 hours to do it in and just take 10 minutes, 15 minutes to yourself. They'll come back better. Tim 20:49Yeah. Julie has this thing. Again, Julie Freedman Smith is on the parenting side of our association here. But she talks about not having to be rigid around, Oh, we had a good day parenting and if in the first, let's say you have a messy morning, and then you know, the breakfast was kids were fired up. And it was they were whining and whatever. And then you're like, Oh, my whole day is shot now. She's like, What are you talking about? Like, there's another interaction coming around the corner, do well in that, like, start granulating your day down to saying, I can't get away for an hour, you've told me this, I can't go to the gym for an hour. So, I'm not gonna go. It's like, well, whatever, go to the gym for 20 minutes, or don't go to the gym, go to the grocery store and buy a couple of four litres of milk and walk home with them or do whatever, right? And it doesn't have to be fancy. Focus on the outcomes, not the definition of this is the only way to do it or your window is closed. Often it just we have to consider, is it our own limiting belief or our own definition of what things have to be that is flawed? There's a bunch of different ways to do it. And I remember seeing how people who are training for long-distance running. When you look at the much less affluent teams in Africa, when they're training distance runners. They have training regimes and equipment and stuff, which people would think comes from a junkyard half the time, it doesn't matter because they're focused on what's the roots of what they're trying to do. And what are the outcomes that they're seeking? They're not worried about how it shows up. It's just about getting it done in a way that's always moving towards progress. Because if they were locked into that they had to, you know, you're part of some community that doesn't have a lot of money and you're locked into some thinking that you have to have the latest and greatest equipment or you can't compete, they would never be showing the way that they're showing in the Boston Marathon or anything like that. They would be so paralyzed by all the things that can't be.  Erin 23:00Yeah, we need to we need to practice I feel being more a yes and when it comes to our fitness. Like, oh, my days crazy busy. I have to run to this meeting. And then I have to run with my kids. Yeah, and? Where can we put in 20 minutes of exercise? You dropped off your kids at the center, so they can go do their thing. And there's a gym right there that you have access to go spend 30 minutes, why not? Right? Yes, and, instead of the no, but.  Tim 23:27Yeah. I think of Gabby Reese, right? Gabby Reese is an Olympic volleyball player, married to Stuart Laird, the championship surfer. And I've talked about this before, she talks about this going first mentality where it's just like, sometimes you just need to risk it. Get off your biscuit and risk it. Right? So, what really makes it hard? Does life make it hard? Or the way we perceive life makes it hard? Erin 23:58Oh, the way we perceive it for sure. Right? That's a no-brainer to me. Tim 24:04One of the things I love about these conversations is I get to put myself forward as a proxy for the audience. You and I've had a lot of these conversations in part before, but it's always a rediscovery. I mean, and I'm being sincere here when I say every time I talk with you, it's enlightening. And I can't wait for other people to experience this when they get you one-on-one. But one of the emotions that this raises for me is I start to get really frustrated with myself. I start to be like, You know what, sweet, you know better than because right now, like I've told you, I mean, I'm dealing with a bit of back pain and the rest of it, but I know darn well when I was working at that university and I chose to walk back to the hotel instead of getting a cab and I'm rigged to walk back to the hotel, I wear certain shoes and I wear a backpack so that I can walk if I want to and I made that choice. The next day was better. I know what the math says. But I still, despite the knowing I managed to slip in behind and have to keep sort of vigilant about this stuff. Erin 25:07It doesn't easily become our lifestyle change, right? But giving yourself the opportunity to be ready for it right like wearing the right shoes, I have a backpack too, I'm ready to walk anywhere for any amount of time. And you know, it's late at night, I'll just hop in a cab instead, right? It becomes easy to like, take that second to stop and be like, No, I am equipped to walk back, I can do this, right? Any habit change is hard. So, when it comes to our fitness, just being able to give ourselves the best opportunity to just take that pause and say, Yeah, I'm gonna walk or I'm gonna do 10 Push Ups before I sit on the couch, or whatever it is, right? I like to give my clients these like tiny little challenges which amount to a lot when they stick with them. I think I've given you this one before Tim or like, I want you to go for at least a 20-minute walk every day. Tim 25:58Or intentional movement 20 minutes a day. Erin 25:59Intentional movement for 20 minutes, right, gives you a lot of opportunity to choose what that is. I've also given you the opportunity to do 50 pushups a day, they don't have to be all at once do 10 in the morning, before you get out of the bedroom and to the kitchen and do 10 more before, you know, sit back down at your desk, right? But eventually, I want you to do 50 in one day, and, and they can look all sorts of different ways. People say to me, I can't do a push-up. Great, but you can do a wall push-up. So, let's start there, right? Tim 26:31You can do a push-up against the stairs if you need to. Erin 26:35Yeah, so, when I'm working with my clients, I try to find, talk to them and find ways that we can add more movement into their day. So, that when they get to that one training session, or two training sessions, or three training sessions a week, they're not feeling like I haven't done anything since the last time I saw you. Right? Like, I want to give you that ability to just pause and say yes, and, every time you can.  Tim 27:00I like that, because it's you know, we often talked about pattern before perfection. I remember listening to one guy say, you know, even if you get in your car, and listen, he was talking about the gym, but he says even if you get in your car and you drive to the gym, you sit in the parking lot, you decide you're not going to go in, you drive home that it's still better than having stayed in bed. Right? Because sooner or later, you're gonna figure out well, I'm already here, I'm going to go or whatever. And I think it doesn't have to be that complex. But like before you get nailed that, oh, I need to be cracking off 50 pushups the way I did when I was 18. Which I will say there's one thing that I think is really interesting, and that is for people who have been athletes in the past. And then if let things slip, I do believe there's like a mental barrier to come through because I've been a high performance, not professional, but I've been a high-performance high school athlete where I was, you know, captain of teams and wrestling and training all the time before my knees were shot. And I remember what those days were like, and I remember what it felt like, everything was in flow, and it was working. And then you know, you're like, Okay, well, I'm gonna try to do this again. And suddenly, it's like, well, wait a minute, guess what? You sit on your can for 20 years and yeah, burpees aren't gonna be that easy. So, we kind of disappoint ourselves. And then we get all in our heads. Erin 28:26So many of my clients have had this experience, like when I was 20. And like, yeah, you've sat on your butt for 20 years, right? Or I've even got the privilege of training some ex Olympic athletes, right? And they do the same thing. Oh, man, when I was training and like we always remember ourselves at our peak, we always remember what it felt like and how good we felt and how good we looked. When we are at the peak of our performance. We rarely ever remember what the first day felt like, right? And even myself, a competitive powerlifter, a couple of years, 2020-2021. I didn't train, I just wasn't lifting weights. It was not a possibility for me in my life and man got back into the gym and immediately wanted to go right back to Okay, this is where I stopped/left off training two years ago. Like, wait that's not where we start. And I was fortunate enough that I went through a back injury, which is what got me into powerlifting that I could remember, remember how crappy that felt when you started powerlifting. Let's go back to not the back injury, but just easing my way into it and giving myself the grace to come back to where I want to be, right? And like just because you were competitive 20 years ago, doesn't mean you to be competitive today. It's not necessarily about the competition, right? It's about making the best choices for yourself and your body so that you can make the best choices for your life. Tim 29:53So, one thing is that there's if we were to make sure we have that in the notes. The one thing is it's not about necessarily turning back to what you were capable of before. But accepting what means progress today. I think there's a counterpoint to that, that I'd like to talk about a little bit. And that is, sometimes we get very complacent about, we may be stuck with what we've got as well. So, then there's the other side of that, which is to say, it doesn't have to be what it was when we were 20 but there's lots to work on. And I'll give you a little story, when I was going through just recently here and getting a checkup on my knees and whatnot. So that involves getting a lot of X-rays and things like that. I was flipping through and researching, you know, this back issue and looking for, what does the skeleton look like? Just to educate myself. And I ran across some photos, and I'm gonna share one with you now. And I am going to put it in the show notes so that people can see it, and I'll put a link to it on the website, so people can take a look at this. And what this was, is I was going in for something called a scattergram, I used to have a leg that was almost three-quarters of an inch, but a centimetre shorter than the other, just through fluke or tremendous skill of my surgeon, now the Delta, the distance between leg length is less than two millimetres. And so I've got almost an equidistant leg length. And that's great, because my mechanics in my body are a lot more in line, although my body's getting used to it, which, you know, is still happening two years later. Anyway, I'm looking at these X-rays, and I'm gonna show these to you. One was sort of an illustration, the other was a full-body scan. And it was, you know, of people of various widths, I will say, I looked at these X-rays, you can see, well, the ones in illustration, you can see a simulation of two skeletons, which are the same skeleton. But one is showing a person that's carrying about 50 pounds, 80 pounds of extra weight, but the skeleton is the same size. And then when you look at people that might be the on the much more heavy, morbidly obese side of things, their skeleton is the same size as anybody else's. But sometimes in my mind's eye, and I'm a big guy, and you know, it's like, I'm more of a cartoon skeleton like we would have seen in WALL-E or something where this is all bone under here. Well it's not. I mean, my skeleton is still my 20-year-old skeleton, in a sense, it might be a little more beat up. But I've hung a ton of stuff off this frame. You know, I've hung sure muscle and stuff. But I've also hung a–Erin 32:39A little bit of adipose tissue. Tim 32:40A little bit of pasta on some you know what it means, beer, is hanging off of there a little too much cheese and whatever. But you know, when I showed this to my wife, we were like, you know, this is actually quite a powerful image to have in your head to say, there is a delta here, there is a gap that we can close that it's possible, there's still this skeleton, this smaller form within us that we've decided to surround with things. So, from a weight loss perspective, because some people deal with that. There's so much potential, there's so much, so much can happen. And maybe for some people, it's more running distance, or cardiovascular or putting on muscle mass, or bone strength and bone density or whatever their particular gap is that they're closing. But it's not so much that you have to shoot for the old 20-year-old version of yourself. But what can you do today? Where's the potential? Because there's that saying, you know, if you want to know what you're committed to look at what you've got. And at the end of the day, there's only so many explanations for why a person could find themselves out of their own version of optimum health. People have different challenges in the rest of it. But are you doing the best with what you've got? Yeah, maybe you've got an endocrine issue, or you've got whatever, but are you doing the best you've got with that?  Erin 34:19Yeah, well, and I mean, there's this. Yeah, there's this evolution, right? I think that it's important for people to remember that. I mean, when I think back to when I was in high school, I was a competitive dancer, and I loved dancing. It was it was amazing. And, you know, I went to university and that wasn't an option anymore for me. And so I casually went to the weight room because I thought that should be something I was doing. And, you know, and then got into running when I came back from Australia because I was broke and I needed to do something physically active. Which by the way, I'm like, I admire runners because I ran every day or every six days a week for over a year, and I still don't enjoy running, so go runners. Good. Good on ya. Yeah, and then, you know, I after a back injury fell into powerlifting. And I mean, can I lift my leg over my head? Like I could and do the splits? Like I could when I was a dancer. Absolutely not. I cannot do that anymore. But that's okay. Because I became a runner for a short period of time I became a powerlifter. I took up mountain biking in 2020. And now I get to be a mountain biker, and I love cycling. So, I can bemoan the things that I don't have. And like, oh, well, I used to do this. And I used to love it. And my body used to be able to do this. Or I can say, Yeah, and I get to do this today, I get to fall in love with a new sport, a new activity, a new social engagement, right? So, I think that it's super important for all of us to just kind of be like, Yeah, we could do that. And that's okay, that this is where we're starting today. Tim 35:57So having that optimism and that openness, and that idea that things are possible, is important. And then there's the just, let's take a step.  Erin 36:09Yeah, let's let's put our heads down and be a bit serious about the fact that this is important to you, it's important to the people around you, and you need to get it done. Tim 36:18So, for people that are leading others, let's go back to this. That is our core mandate here, although we serve everybody, but for people that are leading others, maybe they're parents, maybe they're teachers, maybe they are working as leaders in a business, what would you like them to focus on when it comes to their particular set of excuses? If you could boil that down to sort of three key things that you think they should be taking away? Erin 36:45Three? Only three Tim?  Tim 36:46Okay, well, let's remove the number. What would you like people to think about? Erin 36:51I want people to think about the fact that when they're investing in themselves, in their health, in their wellness, it's not selfish, right? Like, this is not that you're taking away time from your team or taking away time from your family, it's that you're giving yourself back in an even better way. Right? Be a bit hard with yourself about making sure you're being active, there's so much benefit to being physically active. We have so much research to support that. Make sure you carve out that time, right? Whether it's daily, this time works for me 5 am, every morning, and let your spouse know that and you don't get into the office until seven, if that happens, or whatever time it is, right? I don't like daily, my schedules change every single day. So, I like sitting down on Sundays and planning weekly. But you know, you have to find out what works for you. Right? And then yeah, whatever excuse there is, find a best friend, whether it's yourself or whether it's an actual best friend to say, okay, yeah, that's just a roadblock that you're putting in the way let's find a way around that. Right? Tim 37:55When we deal with personal achievement, or making change in an organization or making change as I work with people around their careers, and coach them, it's important that one person's incentive is not necessarily going to work for somebody else. Do you understand yourself because if we think about some of the key ways in which a person is gonna see success, can they translate that into some into a currency that works for them? Some people, it's going to be achievement, it's going to be, you know, running a race or getting a bucket list thing off their life list. For other people, it will be social. For other people, it's going to be doing it because it's logical, and they enjoy the science behind it or something along those lines. Other people will be witnessing their own improvement. And other people, it'll be that sense of control, like so much today, we can trace back to longevity efforts, and those kind of things. And I mean, it's a million other things. But it's not all about you, sport. And it's not about like, No, all of those things can make us not just better for ourselves, but better for everybody that cares about us and the people that rely on us. And you know, that idea of it being just selfish. What a cop-out because it's like, what's really selfish is the fact that you're willing to liquidate yourself, you know, nobody will enjoy you and you won't be nice to be around and you'll be frickin miserable or whatever. You know, find your currency man. Holy moly, maybe that's money. I did this exercise and I remember telling you about it. But I figured out that every pound I carry that's extra costs me I figure and if you ever want to know the formula, feel free to give me a ring. But I figure costs me about $2,700 in productivity and marketing potential. And I've got real justifiable reasons for that. I actually think that it limits my market potential, I think it limits my productivity and confidence and everything that a person in my position who motivates others and has to inspire others can't afford. You cannot give away what you don't have. As we wrap up here, tell us, what's one thing that you're working on that's got you really excited? What's something that's coming up in your future? What's on your Horizon that fires you up, personally?  Erin 40:28Oh, for the first time, no, that's not true. Not the first time, I've put my entire summer towards coaching mountain biking and training clients exclusively. And so it's been this really fun balance of figuring out where I'm going to be on my mountain bike, but also having access to my clients when I need to be with them. And so I'm really excited about my summer I have coming up. For me, any day on my bike, it's a good day, except that one time, no, I'm kidding. Yeah. So, I'm really excited about my summer. It's kind of a bit of an experiment to kind of juggle this mountain bike coaching gig and my business. So yeah, that's what I'm looking forward to. TIM 41:14You know how deep TWE is in that. So, stay tuned, everybody. If people want to get in touch with you, where should they look for? Erin 41:21Right now I'm working on a new website. It's not up yet. But as soon as it is, I will send it to Tim, best way to get a hold of me is my email address, which is EARashbacher@yahoo.ca. Fire me an email and I'll get back to you right away, we can set up a virtual call and or an in-person call if you're in the area, and we can get you rolling on whatever questions you have, or whatever fitness journey you're wanting to embark on, for sure. Tim 41:49And for any of you that are already under contract with me, remember that Erin is part of the TWE team. And so, I'm not trying to be possessive there. I'm saying until you get your website up and we link to it. You can always find her at TWE.teamabout and take a look at everything awesome about Erin there. So, you are easy to get a hold of we're gonna make sure all of those dates are in the show notes. Okay, tell me a little bit about, if there's one takeaway that you could say, everybody here and you mentioned it a little bit earlier. But recap for me at this point in the conversation for everybody listening? What do you hope for them? What's your wish for them?  Erin 42:31Yeah, my wish is that everyone knows that investing in their health and their wellness is going to always give back in so many new ways, and so many different ways and all other aspects of their life.  Tim 42:46So, like any other change program, or investment we would make in business or any institution that we're working on. Let's take a look at this is not an area of cost. This is an area of investment. And we have to see it that way. And recognize it. Recognize it for all the good stuff it gives us back. Okay, awesome. Erin, I just want to tell you how happy I am that you took the time with me today to go through this and I know it's going to do a lot of good for a lot of people. And I can't wait to see how the world opens up for you. And for everybody that you help. Erin 43:21Oh, thanks, Tim. Super appreciated being on today and I had a lot of fun. Tim 43:25Thanks so much for joining us. Tim 43:33Thank you so much for listening to Sweet on Leadership. If you found today's podcast valuable consider visiting our website and signing up for the companion newsletter, you can find the link in the show notes. If like us, you think it's important to bring new ideas and skills into the practice of leadership. Please give us a positive rating and review on Apple Podcasts. This helps us spread the word to other committed leaders. And you can spread the word too by sharing this with your friends, teams and colleagues. Thanks again for listening. And be sure to tune in in two weeks time for another episode of Sweet on Leadership. In the meantime, I'm your host, Tim Sweet, encouraging you to keep on leading. Tim 44:12Hey, did you have fun? Erin 44:17I had a ton of fun, Tim.  Tim 44:19Awesome. We've got some great people coming up. If you were to give me a question to pose to them that I guarantee I will ask them what would be a question you'd like me to throw by other leadership experts?  Erin 44:32Yeah, I want to know when does the imposter syndrome stop as a leader? Yeah. Tim 44:37Yeah. We'll make sure to talk about that. Newsflash. It never stops. Erin 44:41Oh, good. I'm not alone. Tim 44:42No, that's fine. But we didn't learn to deal with it in a much different way. And it can actually believe it or not, can be something that's an area of strength for you. So, stay tuned. We're gonna get somebody else to weigh in on that question. Thanks again, Erin. Erin 44:58Thanks, Tim. Tim 44:59Okay, Big hugs

In this podcast/video, Debra Kasowski engages in a conversation with Julie Freedman-Smith, exploring how parents can transition from a state of exhaustion to one of engagement and tranquility. Julie imparts practical and strategic parenting approaches to assist you in embodying the parent you aspire to be. While there may not be a manual for each child, there are methods to cultivate profound connections with your children, fostering their growth into thriving adults. Join us in this insightful conversation.

Tim Sweet is joined by Julie Freedman-Smith once more to continue the conversation they started in the last episode. They delve deeper into how we can break ourselves out of inaction or malaise to start changing our lives. Every journey starts with a step, so what will push us into action? What will our first step be?Julie speaks from the perspective of families, of parents acknowledging their childrens' feelings and finding ways to set examples within their own lives. Tim speaks from the perspective of businesses and workplace teams, of taking action towards goals and not being so blindly adherent to a single vision that we can't see what's happening around us. Tim Sweet and guest Julie Freedman-Smith explore what it means to create safety where people can imagine a different identity and take the first steps to get there. They share the questions ‘Where do I want to go?' and ‘What if I could?' as valuable stepping-off points towards making change. How do we shake ourselves out of malaise? Tim and Julie talk about what motivates us, how to give ourselves space to examine our internal needs, and the practical steps that can shake us up to start making the changes we desire. Both are coaches from different perspectives and offer insightful examination of the human condition and ways to contact them to continue the conversation started here.About Julie Freedman-SmithJulie Freedman-Smith is the creator/founder of Parent–Break, an online community providing time and space for parents to connect with themselves and each other, to offer guidance, and to acknowledge the parenting challenges while celebrating the successes. Author, Blogger, Podcast Host and Parenting Expert, Julie Freedman Smith has been guiding parents across North America for 20+ years. Julie also enjoys practising and teaching Tai Chi and working as a professional choral singer and clinician.—Contact Tim Sweet | Team Work Excellence:WebsiteLinkedIn: Tim SweetInstagramLinkedin: Team Work ExcellenceContact Julie Freedman-Smith | Author, Blogger, Podcast Host and Parenting Expert:Website - Parent-BreakLinkedinInstagramLinktr.ee—TranscriptJulie Freedman-Smith: We can all only see what we can see. And so sometimes it does take somebody else to come in and say yes and, like you were saying, like the person that's belaying, or whatever, the climber, can still say, okay, yeah, there's something over there that's just out of your view that you can't see. And I think sometimes that can be helpful too. Welcome to the Sweet On Leadership podcast, where we explore leadership success through conversations with remarkable experts. Curated by Tim Sweet, these guests share profound knowledge fueling your growth. Get ready to unlock true impact with your host, Tim Sweet. Tim Sweet: I'd like to ask you some questions. Do you consider yourself the kind of person that gets things done? Are you able to take a vision and transform that into action? Are you able to align others towards that vision and get them moving to create something truly remarkable? If any of these describe you, then you, my friend, are a leader. And this show is all about and all for you. Thanks for joining us and welcome to the Sweet On Leadership Podcast, Episode Ten. Tim Sweet: Welcome back, Julie. We're going to carry on a conversation that we started earlier and we're going to have a little more focus on this one because I was really taking us down rabbit holes.Julie Freedman-SmithThat's never happened before. Tim SweetOur last conversation really focused, well focused or approached. What is this? A general malaise that we all know about? I mean, I don't think it's a mystery. But then there's this kind of bubble of action coming? Or are people getting impatient? So I think where we can focus this time is, let's talk again about how can people take this feeling? And, you know, really start to build some energy up at so hopefully they can pop and they can break orbit a little bit? Julie Freedman-SmithSure. Or even just start, right? Because every journey begins with a single step. Right? We need to start before we can burst through the atmosphere.Tim SweetYeah, so let's find a foothold. And we're going to as always, we're going to approach this from two perspectives. One is that you are really the expert in the room when it comes to home life parenting. And and that is the sphere that you live in. Right? It's how do we build positive experiences in the home? And I'm going to come at it from what am I seeing within the context of the businesses that I work for? Which isn't everybody across the globe? Julie Freedman-SmithWell, actually, you are working across the globe. Tim SweetYeah, for sure. But it's, it tends to be you know, it's it's not the experience of everybody. So I mean, I'm pretty, we are talking from a Western Canadian context, we're talking from, you know, by and large, a first world context. And it's, and I think we made the point last time, it's important to remember that not everything we're saying is accessible to the experience of everybody.Julie Freedman-SmithRight? And we could have that argument again, because first world context looks different depending on who you are living in this first world. However, let's go forward. So how are you helping people to get started to take that first step forward?Tim SweetWell, typically, when, when we, when somebody approaches me, or they're part of a team that's approaching me, they already know that there is some incremental value to be had, by finding momentum in some area that they're working, there's something to improve, there's something to, there's some benefit to get, they're not going to invest in my help, unless there's a payoff in some way, shape or form. It doesn't always have to be direct revenue line, but it's going to be employee experience, it's going to be something that's a cultural improvement, you know, anything along these lines, customer experience, they're entering with a reason to get going. That reason may not always be super clear. And it may not be well understood. And it will also vary, you know, Is it understood by the team? Or is it understood by the individual? So, for myself, I always work in two main gears. And the first is that we need to understand, and I think this is more complex than this, but in the simplest possible way. And this is not groundbreaking. It's, you know, where do you want to go? And where are you today? And what's the gap in between? And so recognizing that as a team is really important. The next thing that I really work on is making sure that everyone on the team can buy into that and understand why they want to go there. And perhaps, or if it's just the individual working, then I skip to step two, and that is where do I want to go? Why does it matter? And where am I today, get crystal clear. And then how do I close the gap? And so it's not rocket surgery. It's about getting pretty clear. Where we're going and really honest about where we're at. And use whatever data, whatever tools we need to clarify, define that position. So that we're not fooling ourselves. That's the very, very first step in my process is to get pretty honest and chunky on where at. That would be it. I don't know. Can I go deeper for you?Julie Freedman-SmithYeah. So then are there tools to start on that process to get through the gap?Tim SweetOh, yeah, absolutely. The number one tool in my arsenal is the conversation. It's making sure that I'm understanding what people are trying to achieve. And that I'm understanding it from their perspective, not from some abstract norm that all businesses should aspire to, not some paint by number thing, but why do they want to get there? What does that actually mean? And as we talked about the last time, what's the feeling that they're going to achieve when they get there? So, you know, can they articulate that, and then can they attach to it personally, so that it matters. They can't unsee the fact that they're not where they want to be. And then it creates this pull, this vacuum, where, of course, that's where I want to be. And now I'm disrupted and uncomfortable with where I am today. And it creates a longing and a reason to take a step forward. And that step forward can include being scared, trying some things that aren't, aren't really comfortable, challenging the way we think. But getting them into that position of longing, I guess is, am I being drawn towards something? Is that inspiring? Is that where I want to be? And have I put that person between an immovable object realization of where they are, and an irresistible force of a future that they want to be moving into? And anyway, that's, that's my first move. It may not sound fancy, but that's, that's it.Julie Freedman-SmithYeah, that sounds just so interesting to me. And I, I love that it's this clarity and honesty, because oftentimes, when we're actually articulating it, instead of just making it the shoulds, and woulds of the greater being…Tim SweetWhich are dangerous, for sure. Julie Freedman-SmithThen we can say something out loud, and then sit with it and say, well, actually, is that where I want to go? Like, I thought, that's where I wanted to go. But does that feel right? Like, is that where I want to go? Or is it slightly different than that, but until you actually have the courage to make those words come out of your mouth, instead of we're kind of going here, then you don't have the clarity of, of possibility and where you want it to go? That's really intriguing to me.Tim SweetYeah. And holy moly, when you talk about the shoulds and the woulds. I mean, those are landmines. Because if you if you're going there for the wrong reasons, or you're trying to paint by number, you're putting a standard out for yourself that isn't real, authentic, or, you know, something that you actually want that you that at your core you feel is important. You're going to be fighting to tack towards that target. And there's always going to be crosswinds and headwinds, and you will be in conflict with that future. It hardly is a path of least resistance at that point. It is it'll be a fight.Julie Freedman-SmithYeah, because you're fighting within yourself.Tim SweetYeah. I mean, we see this a lot in organizations where people are toeing the party line, they think something is very, very important. But there's a limit to where they're willing to go. As soon as it's challenged by either some other priority, or perhaps they have a chance to pick up and go, it's no longer important, I can just cash in my chips and that's, that's that. And they were filling a role, which is really important. But there perhaps wasn't a sense of true attachment to that goal, where they could feel fulfilled with the promise of getting it. Now look, you don't want to stay in a toxic work environment or something just to see some objective fulfilled. But there, you know, in my mind, if you're really motivated to complete something, it shouldn't just matter to the organization, but you should find why it matters to you. And that it's like, you know what, if I can see this through it, actually, this is where we're using identity and belief in our favor. It's like, this really helps me achieve who I want to be. Or it really it becomes a testament to what… I'm not just talking the talk, I'm walking the walk, like this is makes me feel like I've achieved something at the end of the day. But again, shoulds and self manipulation, and these things are risks. Because it's kind of like well, I should do that because that's the way it's always been done or I should do that because that looks like what Mr. Brown on the street is doing, and you know what I mean? Like there can be a lot of toxicity in that. So setting those goals and setting them to something that is is really healthy is important. Quality of the goal is as important as having a clear one. You burn a lot of teams out chasing something that's not terribly helpful or noble in the long run.Julie Freedman-SmithRight. And sometimes you don't know that until you started down that path. I think, like, you can be like, yeah, we're all in. And then as people are going along, they're like, are we though? Like, is this really where we want to go? And we can't know that until we start stepping in that direction. If we made the wrong decision, then we turn around and we kind of use that information. So I think that's valuable.Tim SweetThat's a great point. Because getting into that trap of saying, I said I was going to do it so now I'm going to do it. When you've taken three steps down the path and said, you know, actually, this is starting to feel bad or wrong but I said I was going to do it. And then we run up against other questions. Why? What's wrong with taking a new read and changing? Yeah, because that's sort of blind loyalty to do an objective, I used to call this steering with the headlights, right? You can't steer a car with the headlights. So if all you're seeing is sort of the end vision, yeah, that's important, it's important to look ahead. But you can't steer the car with the headlights, you got to be taking a read on your current situation, you have to be feeling the road through the steering wheel, you have to be sensing what's happening with the gas and the brake. And you have to be taking a look at the critical dials on the dashboard and what's going on around you. But if you're just blind adherence to the vision, you can cause a lot of problems.Julie Freedman-SmithOh, wow, that's so fascinating. Okay, so this is not me talking from the Home Base perspective. But this is me talking about where we are in the world. I know I'm kind of going back to the first thing, I won't stay here for long. But I just think that just resonated for me so clearly. Because for many things, because there's so much change happening right now, and we're existing, and planning for a world that we don't quite know what it is, those headlights are not working. So if you're trying to steer from the headlights, you can't even see where you're going like, as arts organizations right now, and all the way through COVID, I'm steering an arts organization right now. And and nobody knows what's going to happen, because are we going to shut down? Can we still will we still be able to have concerts this year? What can we be doing? And then in the grander scheme of accessibility, and decolonization and all these areas where we're trying to take scope of all of these things, we don't even know what the vision is, we can see just beyond where we're driving to, and we're trying to move that forward. But we don't even know what it looks like, because there's so much change. And so I think that's just reinforcing this idea that yes, let's stay with the car, let's stay at the steering wheel, let's check the readings as we are driving, and having that feedback to check in staying present instead of going towards a future that we may not even know what that looks like, from global warming perspective, from different resources and fuels that we're using, from the shift within certain provinces to moving towards technology, as opposed to fossil fuels that we were using, there's so much new stuff, you know, there are no bright beams there.Tim SweetI came up with that analogy in like 2006, or something. What's interesting about that, and what it raised for me is, maybe a better analogy at this point would be landing a plane in a blizzard, or something along those lines. You know, yeah, we have headlights, sure. Or maybe we can see a bit of the ground, but it's obscured by cloud and snow, something that we're familiar with. Modern air travel couldn't happen with just ground recognition. You know, they've got a transponder, which is the long term signal of am I moving closer or farther away from something? They've got feedback from the ground, potentially, of people, you know, telling them what's happening and what's going on around them. They've got onboard radar that can cut through the clouds, you're flying by instrumentation, they often call it right? They can understand if they're if they're level or if they're descending if they're ascending. And they can and and I think the metaphor carries to what you're saying, because whereby we used to be myopic, in a business on one aspect of where are we headed and how do we know if we're getting there? We may need to have multiple points of reference, multiple check ins to say are we being successful as an organization? And what that could mean, is are our goals from an ESG perspective, managed? Are our goals from a revenue perspective managed? Or goals from a customer or market position, perspective managed? Do we have all of our feelers out? And this used to be just the purview maybe of the topmost layer that would bring in all this information or have a broad view. But perhaps now, and I actually think this would follow with what I'm seeing is that we have to tie in that sensitivity down through the organization. Julie Freedman-SmithExactly. To the ground. Tim SweetYeah. So that people have they have more than just the headlights, they have both the instruments that matter to them in their position and what they're doing, and a sense of where the the organization is going. And this is, again, it's nothing new. I'm saying it's probably more important right now that people understand their role within an organization and the health and the direction of the organization overall. And we see this from a social standpoint, where it's now very important for staff, in many organizations, if they're going to tie to something more than just a job, they tend to gravitate towards organizations where they believe in the cause, where there's something bigger than a paycheck. We don't really want to get into some of the complacency or that's existing in the workplace right now. But it's readily accessible, was we talked about last time, people wondering what's this all for? And so they can get quite complacent and despondent and nihilistic in their roles. If people are going to attach to an organization or communal, even a family goal, they've got to see it from so many different angles. And when the blizzard rolls in, they better be able to fly on instruments. You know what I mean? One of the greatest ways to do that, it's just really interesting. And I will often think back to, you know, in our family we have, we have bombers, which is I mean, it's war time, but they would have a navigator, they'd have a co pilot, they'd have a pilot, and when things got hairy, everybody's eyes were out the window, they were all looking for points of reference, they were all, you didn't just trust one set eyes, you couldn't. And it kind of feels like that a little bit, although I'd rather remove the war reference. But anyway, there we go.Julie Freedman-SmithLet's take it out of the sky and back into families here for a sec, if that's okay, although I love the way that you've said that. Because I think we need to remember that as we've got teenagers or kind of young, young children, but beyond the toddler stage where they're out and beyond that, like early school age, where they're coming into it, their eyes matter for sure. We need to see their frame of reference, they don't get to drive the plane, we're not putting our young kids in the cockpit, we're not letting them drive the plane. But we really want to know what they're seeing. Because that their point of view is not valued, or believed or important, they shut down, and they're gonna go into social media, they're gonna go places where they feel like they can have a say. So our words, and our actions really have to align that way. Because if we're saying, Oh, we want to hear what you have to say, and then we shut them out, or if we can't handle what they're saying, you know, they're coming at us with big emotions, and we can't handle it, and we might be saying, tell me, tell me, tell me, but then they tell us, Oh, my gosh, oh my gosh, I can't, or we just elevate up or we're bursting into tears or we're launching back at them. They're gonna learn really quickly that even though our word said, we want to hear what you're seeing, what your point of view is, that it's not happening. So I do think that's really interesting. And I love what you started with at the beginning this, where are you now? And where do you want to be? And I think that happens in families too, right, if you're, you're living that same argument day in day out, you're feeling disrespected, you're stuck in this spot. And it's almost like this, my childhood, my teenager doesn't even care, like they're not even willing to talk to me so why do I even bother to try and so you can find yourself in that malaise. But if you get to that point of articulating where you are, and where you want to be, and defining that gap, then you can come up with some language. And that's, I work with parents on that all the time. What are those next steps? What's the language? How do we pull everybody together for a conversation? Even with a child who maybe doesn't want to talk? And how can we help them to believe that we want to hear what they have to say, and we're open to having a conversation, instead of just a one directional, here's what you're going to do, because we want everybody within that family to feel like they have a purpose.Tim SweetI want to tack on to your your example a little bit and tell me, I think this is both organizations and and families. If we fail to see the challenge, or the gap, or the journey through the child's eyes, and where we are, their point of reference, or perhaps the employee's eyes, and they don't feel that they're moving in a way that is also addressing some of their own needs - and I'm going to take it back a little bit into I don't know some form of transportation - but they start to I don't know if it's panic or resist or something but they might start hanging their their hand out the window. They might, you know, they form drag and, and they might even want to go off to, and it doesn't take long. The vision that's popping up in my head is, and it's not always a healthy one, but it's the child that that isn't seeing their their immediate needs met or want met in a grocery store when they go buy the candy aisle or something. And they go on their knees and now they're being dragged along. Julie Freedman-SmithYes, yes. The soft body thing when you're trying to get them up and they can't. That goes right back to the toddler. Yeah.Tim SweetAbsolutely. And so suddenly the forward moment time that we had as a family or as a team can be, can be held back by people dragging their feet or being scared or not seeing their needs met, and essentially, like drag is the right word, they begin to drag. And then I mean, all sorts of bad things can happen in terms of resentment can build up, we don't feel like we're moving, as you know, forms a major distraction.Julie Freedman-SmithI'm in one of my children's rooms right now. And one of the ways that that happens in the home, right, with an older child who's not going to be lying on the ground being pulled, is they go up into their room, and they don't come out. And we have employees doing that too, right? I mean, you we all know the people that you've asked them for stuff. And you're waiting for them to get back to you. And you're waiting. And then you're you're kind of using the kind of nice language, hey, thought that was going to be coming and when can we expect an update? And they've gone into, they've just gone into their shell, and they're not coming out. And it could be that they're in there because they're frustrated and angry, it could be that they're in there because they don't feel they can do it. They're stuck.Tim SweetThat is a really interesting idea. Because maybe, maybe we see the behavior creeping up in families where people become insular and they start to isolate themselves off. But in organizations, when we started staying at home and everything, we isolated people.Julie Freedman-SmithYes, yes. Literally and figuratively. Yeah.Tim SweetLiterally. And so, to me, it's kind of interesting, because depending on the group, which is the cause and effect there? Are, are they now isolated? Because we isolated them? And they had to learn to do that, as a matter of survival? Or are they isolated, because something else has changed and they've, you know, we kind of opened the door, and now it's become more and more isolated? And I don't think it's as simple as I mean, I've had conversations with some people is this extrovert introvert, you know, behavior? Maybe? Well, I mean, some people may operate better than, or whatever, but I think it's learned, it's learned to a certain extent, coping mechanisms and the rest of it. But then also, you're from a different vantage point, or you're cut off from certain information. And, you know, now ou've learned to fly a certain way.Julie Freedman-SmithIt's your new identity. Yeah, you're just trapped there.Tim SweetNew perspective, new paradigm. Julie Freedman-SmithYeah. So again, it's part of our jobs, I think, in both of our work is, how can we help people to feel safe enough to imagine or be willing to imagine a slightly different identity and then take those first steps to get there.Tim SweetI think both of us do this. And as anybody who's listened to us before, I mean you've coached me as a parent, and… Julie Freedman-SmithAnd you've coached me.Tim SweetDid I say that right? You've coached me as a parent, noJulie Freedman-SmithYou have been a client of mine, you have coached me and I have coached you. So, sure, yes.Tim SweetBut you know, one of the things that I think is, is is interesting here, when we talk about getting them out of this malaise is giving them more points of reference. Giving them more dials on the dashboard, throwing them back into different ways of framing, and looking and analyzing, measuring where they are and where they're going. Because the old instruments, the old standby ways that they're viewing the world might have become myopic, they might have become too limited, maybe enough to survive, but not enough to thrive or change or move forward. And so help them imagine and reframe, and analyze, again, redefine re-measure, where they are, where they're going. Give them a slightly different set of tools, or a slightly different set of, a different viewpoint, so that they can start to broaden their awareness again, so they can start to use different senses and see them see themselves through because perhaps their measures have become too limited. Perhaps their their their ways of navigating have become reliant on, you know, the wrong input or limited input. Yeah. I mean, I know, as I said, you know, when, when you've coached me, that's been your, probably your top roll, is to say, have you thought about it this way? Or can I offer that, you know, that we look at this from this perspective? And it's in those moments that I get out of my own head and my limited scope of seeing the problem, and I go, okay, now I can see that there's actually a foothold over here that I can reach for, but I didn't see it before. Right. I didn't, I didn't have the viewpoint.Julie Freedman-SmithAnd so so often, I use this in my coaching. I'm not saying this is where you are, but it's kind of that same thing. Oftentimes, it's us against our child in a situation. It doesn't work versus us and our child against the situation, or within the situation, depending on whether you want to be against something or just like, okay, we're both stuck in this problem. And we know we need to find a solution but there's a very big difference between we need to find a solution, and I'm going to tell you the solution. No, I'm going to tell you the solution. Tim SweetYeah. Are we up against our limited perception of the situation? Are we up against a paradigm or a picture of the situation that maybe is not shared by two people, and maybe is too limited to give us all of the, you know, I think of like an old school TV. While we kind of have an outline, and we're looking through static, but we don't have color, we don't have definition, we don't have contrast. We need to tune this in. And we have several different knobs we need to spin to do that.Julie Freedman-SmithYes, you realize that TVs aren't even a thing anymore.Tim SweetThey're not even a thing anymore, I know.Julie Freedman-SmithFeeling a bit old today.Tim SweetUh well, I mean, here's an interesting analogy, which is super old school, you know, because our family and our parents or grandparents are aging, we're inheriting a lot of stuff. And one of the things that we inherited was an old record player. And this particular record player is able to play 78s and LPs. And the way in which a stereo LP works, and I just learned this, when I was thinking about this, when I was curious, is that the needle isn't just riding up and down, it's riding side to side. And that's how you get stereo, it's actually vibrating side to side more than it is up and down. In addition, up and down. Whereas the 78 is bouncing up and down. And there's only really one input, and it's a mono input, right, because it's up and down. There's nothing being fed from above, whereas if your left and right, you can, you can have two sauna waves, right. And we're trying to judge the world through this mono vision through this, and we're missing out a whole bunch of detail. And we're or at least we're missing out, we're just missing out from we have to, we have to step into a different way of looking at things that's probably more relevant to our situation. And then move.Julie Freedman-SmithYeah, and our kids are seeing things. And the younger generation is seeing things so differently than we are. And so it's really important to take that in. It's so valuable.Tim SweetIt's so fascinating as a as a parent, and I think this again, can be applied towards who we see, as senior leaders in organizations. There was a quote, and I can't remember it exactly, but essentially, parents have the experience, and they find conflict with the children, when their construct of the world is being challenged. When it's how I understand the world and where I find a position of power or control or, you know, the ability to navigate. Suddenly the child is, they're not necessarily rebelling, although that's how we take it, but they're seeing the world a different way. They're seeing different possibilities. And it's threatening, in some ways, because all of a sudden, it's like, I didn't realize how much I didn't know.Julie Freedman-SmithThe walls are coming down. Yeah. Tim SweetThe walls are coming down. And now it's a move or die situation because you really start to feel like oh, am I the dinosaur here? And I think in organizations, we're still running on old assumptions. And in many cases, trying to try to behave the way the tried and true ways of doing it. Well, you know, what, if you tried to run a business, the way you ran a business in 1926, today it would fail. Or at least it would be pretty limited in its ability to react. If you tried to run a business or something like a, you know, 17th century print shop, you know, yeah, you're gonna be able to print a book, but it's not going to be able to stand up to a lot of the things, we just we can't move backwards in that way. And yet we've, we've limited ourselves. So yeah, I guess I would say, I'm gonna go back full circle here, it's about what's the viewpoint? Can we give them a new sense of instrumentation? Appreciation? And again, in my context, with you, it's always been, if I just moved three steps to the right, does a new shadow fall on a new handhold that I can reach for and get myself up this wall? I remember that in climbing all the time. You know, you'd have a person on belay. And they would say, you know, I know you can't see it, but just reach out to your left and you're gonna feel a crack. Got it? And you needed that because you're in the blind, right? And I think it's important. Okay, so getting started, maybe a great first step for everybody that's listening is bring in some different perspectives. Check your instrument set.Julie Freedman-SmithAnd when we talked about bringing in some different perspectives, at the risk of saying you don't need us coaches, because you do, but also take the perspective of the people who are in the room. Don't just go outside. Listen to the people. That's a huge part.Tim SweetIt's funny you say that because it's like, there is the perspective, there's our perspectives and maybe let me clarify, because I think one of the big things that you've done for me, and I think I do this with businesses, is it's about facilitating the conversation between those perspectives. And so, absolutely. I mean, sometimes it's getting to those perspectives. That's the challenge. And maybe that's the role even that we play. More than simply giving them answers.Julie Freedman-SmithIs talking about them, or how to talk about them. And yeah, absolutely.Tim SweetWe used to say, he wants a consultant, a consultant, they borrow your watch to tell you the time.Julie Freedman-SmithNo, I don't think that's what you and I do. Tim SweetI hope it's not, I don't think that's what you and I do, but the fundamental truths in an organization. Somebody else usually knows them. They just haven't risen to the surface yet. So how do we, how do we find them amplify them? You know, let them see the light of day and let everybody see them. So that somebody on the team, the answers are there, it's about, can we get to them and in a family, you know, if you're listening to your kids, you're probably going to get a slightly different or, you know, if partners are working together or whatever. If you're listening to other heads than just your own, you're probably a little better off.Julie Freedman-SmithI think so and that, but then there's always that thing of, we can all only see what we can see. And so, sometimes, it does take somebody else to come in and say, yes. And like, you were saying, like the person that's belaying or whatever the climber can still say, oka, y eah, there's something over there, that's just out of your view that you can't see, and I think sometimes that can be helpful too.Tim SweetOh, yeah. So I want to ask you what are some of the tools that you would use or suggest for people to consider when they're really tuning in to where they are today, and how they're feeling? And perhaps, you can start here if you like, why do people avoid asking those questions naturally? Why is it not a natural state for people to just get there on their own?Julie Freedman-SmithWell I think it's very scary because there's a lot of sadness that we, and some could say grief, that is kind of in there and if you dig you will hit something. And so it's just, it's way safer to just not dig and we can use videos and all sorts of things to kind of keep us kind of distracted from that. So I think there's a lot of things that can distract us from that. We also, it's scary to dig from a parent-child perspective because we're not sure that we're going to be able to help our kids if we actually asked them about how sad they are. And so if we just keep hoping that we just don't talk about it, maybe it'll just go away, maybe it'll just go away. So I think that's part of it. It's just this fear of what if I personally don't know how to handle where I get to? What if I don't know how to handle when my child is getting to and maybe it'll just get better? Plus again, we're seeing on social media, all these crises that people are going through. And so, I think there could be a little bit of hierarchy of sadness. Like, do I have a right to feel sad when I have a home? I have food, I live in a perfectly safe environment. I've got theoretically, all the stuff that should be making me happy, and then there are people who  do not have access to food. There are people whose countries are in war. There are people who can't make choices over their own bodies. Really is my thing even that, or should I just put it away and just keep trudging down the same path. So I think those are all reasons why people aren't necessarily willing to admit or take a peek at how they're really feeling. Tim SweetI love that last point and you and I had a conversation in a few days ago about I remember seeing a social post which talked about this wheel of privilege, I think it was. And it was all the ways in which you can experience privilege, and it's pretty good. It's pretty good viewpoint in terms of saying, you know, it would talk about gender, male, female, and then other expressions, right? And it would talk about wealth, it would talk about age, it would talk about, you know, and really and I don't say this with, I'm just being open here, I looked at myself and of these however, many 15 categories, by this person's estimation or whoever created this, and in this is where I'm privileged. I hit the lottery in all but two of them, you know, the only place I was failing was I was heavy, you know, in stature. There wasn't one for hair there, but if there had been, it would have been like bald would have been to the outside and age, right. That I'm in the middle now, but really, I mean, recognizing that. And then realizing that actually, really, for me, this has been a source of consternation in that I really do feel like I don't have the right to complain, all heck of a lot and so you always, I remember saying to,   some of it, I was talking to, you know, my I was telling them, they were asking what's up? And I was telling them, you know, where we're got some challenge in the rest night and I prefaced and said, you know, these are first world problems and they truly are.Julie Freedman-SmithYeah. But there's still problems, that's the thing. We're all, we all can only live in the world. In the lane that we've been dealt are in the. Yeah, I'm sorry, much metaphor.Tim SweetI can't change it, right?Julie Freedman-SmithNo. You can increase your understanding. And I think I've heard that definition of privilege, as being, you don't have the understanding of the other situations within that lane, but we are all in this lane and we can have those feelings. And, and, you know, when we're talking were teaching kids about feelings, we teach them that feelings change. And there are all sorts of feelings. And there are feelings that are uncomfortable to us and there are feelings that are more comfortable, but we need to have them all. They don't define us as a as a person. All people have a variety of feelings, they can change and a friend of mine said the other day and I think he's heard this somewhere else, is that instead of just trying to feel better, let's be better at feeling. So let's be aware that all of these feelings are there and once we find a safe way to explore them, then we can release, like we can move through them and we don't necessarily stuck in them. And sometimes we need a balance of different feelings together to kind of shift our way into a new feeling. Now I know that we were trying to keep this short and and we can do that, but can you tell me a little bit about why that would happen in the workplace? Why people are not confronting their feelings within the workplace?Tim SweetSure, I do want to just I want to put a point on your, on this issue of do I have a right to feel sad or or lacking in some way. I want to just break before I leave that one entirely. I think that is existed for me and then you have to say, as you said I'm still unhappy and I'm going to do something about it. Just because… I want to make the most of this life so I'm going to do the best I can and just because I'm ahead of others by some measures, does it mean I should stop trying to be the best I can be? Or, you know, open up possibilities for other in the process because I'm creating space to care for others. Whatever that is. So that's a real thing in one way. I just want to tack on one of the thought and that is, maybe this is for later, but I think this is actually stifling a lot of conversation because people are, I find myself as a creator, careful of what I talked about because I am in a position of privilege. I am in this struggle where I have to say, but I'm going to talk about it anyway. I'm going to do it with respect, understanding my perspective on the world, and that there are other viewpoints and I need to be conscious of those. It's really an interesting conversation probably for later. Which is just to say, you know, that position in the world, should that stop me from trying to do better with what I've got and should it stifle what I'm willing to share? Because I could be, and have been, by the way accused of been, you know, pale, male and stale.Julie Freedman-SmithYeah. But, and you still feel.Tim SweetAnd I still feel. So I think, but we'll put a point on that and say that is one reason why people don't don't strive in terms of what am I seeing in the business, I would say I see people putting other people first in many ways, especially among leaders. And I remember reading this excellent article, that was around this study that was done that said, most people who own pets or dogs or horses or cats or whatever they are, will make sure that a horse has a chiropractor and they'll make sure that that chiropractor is booked while their own back is, in trouble. They will fail to fill subscriptions or take their pills regularly, where if the dog gets sick, I mean that pill is in peanut butter and it's going down the dog's throat come hell or high water. You know, that is that's happening. And so I think one of the reasons why we avoid getting lower complaining is actually we simply don't prioritize ourselves or our own needs. It's very easy for us to deny ourselves and to say well we actually don't matter. iI's why in organizations you see people finding very safe to talk about making the situation improved for everyone. But on more than one occasion, when I shift the conversation over and say, why does this matter to you? How does this benefit your career? Let's really attach to that as a source of motivation and do well for the community. In certain organizations t his is like a no-fly zone, because if there's any indication that I'm doing this for selfish reasons, you're seen as self-serving. And it's not a, you know I'm doing it for myself or for the organization, if we're really going to drive an impetus to change, it's got to be, I'm motivated to do this. I can succeed personally, and professionally and I got to be comfortable with it. And I think that translates into the getting low discussion, getting getting down into the weeds and being worth taking a look at the dark stuff and questioning do I want to live in darkness in these areas? Do I I want to feel uncomfortable? And do I want to feel like I'm less than I could be? Or am I allowed to feel unhappy, right? Do I want to really understand that. I think you got a value yourself a certain amount to invest the time to say, you know what, I really want to understand this for myself and be worth the climb, right? Based on one of our other conversations, it's really interesting because at one time we become more and more isolated, very, very self-centered. You drive on the roads and you see nimbyism is everywhere right. The what's in it for me stuff is really really strong right now, but at the same time people are not necessarily really saying why, why am I what do I need to do? And so it's this funny kind of kind of contradictory thing we're at one point we want to be alone but at the same time we still that doesn't mean we want to do the work right to really understand. So I don't know if that's a great answer but there that would be, that my answer be.Julie Freedman-SmithThere's an element of courage there. Do I have the strength? Do I have the love surrounding me to help me dive into the deep stuff and also what you're saying resonated s o clearly for me because I am totally generalizing here, but I just what you were defining was exactly a mom's thing like I'll eat the burnt toast and give everybody else a nice piece of toast or I'll scrape the bottom of the pot and make sure everybody else has food. It's just such a thing. And what I talk about in parenting is that if we have these key values, if we are saying, if our words are saying everybody in the family matters, that we respect everyone in the family that we show care and kindness and compassion for everyone, but our actions say, I'm going to show care and kindness compassion for everybody, but me, it's our actions that are teaching our kids. And I think that that totally carries through in a business, right? If we want people to be willing to fail, to willing to explore, how they have a role in the company and yet, as a leader, we're doing that or we're pretending we're kind of focusing on that or talking about it for everybody else but not leading by example, then it's not going to happen. And so culture is really important that way we need to model the culture that we want to create within the organization whether it's a family or a business I think. Tim SweetOne of my first professional challenges when I opened my first consultancy years ago, I remember was dealing with a maintenance manager and he was the hardest working guy that I had met up to that point. I mean was a, you know, he was always on call, he took no time for himself and he was a true definition of martyr. And then he wondered, why he couldn't Inspire anybody else to follow him in leadership. And there was two primary reasons that are very simple. One, is he made it look like such a drag that, who the heck wants to go there? Because his life was in shambles kind of thing. Or at least he was, he was sacrificing and liquidating his own health to make sure that the factory was up and running. And the second thing was, he didn't let anybody do it because that was his role, that was his identity, was being the person who ate the burnt toast, you know, being the person who had garbage can you know, whatever was left on the table and and take the drinks and that was part of his identity. And you know, it was really early on in my career, doing identity and belief work where we had to get down to this, you know, you're holding onto this and there's deeply rooted reasons why this is what you think a leader looks like and what a leader does and it and it really it wasn't the hero with a thousand helpers, kind of. But it was like the martyr with, you know, a thousand, like it was really it was really clear, and when we got him out of that state suddenly he was able to mentor people into his position because he'd opened up enough space to let them try and fail and work. And the other thing was, is that it is that he had something that people could conceptualize from the outside of being more of a success. And I mean, I know as a parent but I take this into the home every once in a while you slip into that really negative space. And it's like, you know, I haven't even I haven't even taken any time for myself for the last. I got to do this. Yeah, I got to do the dishes again and wahh. You know, that's like the parental tantrum. In the workplace, y ou see some toxic behaviors in a lot of teams, which is how's it going? Ah, I'm just so busy, so busy, everything is so busy and I have no time for myself and it's like, that's your opening statement. And you see environments where employees will even if they're not terribly, busy, boy, will they hustle, you know, back in the day that hustle from desk to desk or they be late for meetings because to be anything else is to admit that you're not flat out and just just straining to to meet your workload. Right. So yeah I think that's a funny one. Where are we going to take that, Julie? If we want to get low, we have to get over ourselves. Is that it? Julie Freedman-SmithI think we need to find a way to infuse the other side of it, and inspire and find hope. And what's going to get us excited about something? Tim SweetThat's a good one. What immediately went to there is that's very little about external inspiration.  That's a lot about internal inspiration and a lot about internal.Julie Freedman-SmithYeah. Well, we just need to own it right?Tim SweetOkay.Julie Freedman-SmithThat's where we're going next. Tim SweetThat's where we're going next. So as we often do, we approach a conversation from a bunch of different places and we're onto this fourth conversation in this kind of exploration and it was all around that there seems to be this this unsatisfied need for change and improvement and it's showing up in the workplace and it's showing up in the home and we're seeing this movement again. I'm seeing it in my practice, you're seeing yours. We talked about that occurring and people feeling the need, then we talked about how were they really going to get started? And then we talked about why do they avoid getting started in the first place and understanding that. So potentially, that can help people really check in and see if that might be something that's holding them back. For the last conversation here, when a person moves through this, they have the opportunity to learn how to become more change ready, how to adopt an ability or a habit to stimulate change so that when they feel there's a need they can complete this loop a little more quickly. And so you and I talked off mic about how would we introduce this and you warned me that this might be a dated example, but I'm going to do it anyway. When I was growing up, there was an Irish-born British dog trainer and you knew name and I didn'tJulie Freedman-SmithBarbara Woodhouse.Tim SweetBarbara Woodhouse. And on the TV, when she would train dogs, she used to say walkies - you probably do it better than me. Julie Freedman-SmithWalkies! Tim SweetOkay, right. And if you in in the show, as soon as she said that to the to the dog, the dog got really excited and was ready to go and having owned dogs in the past. I mean, as soon as the leash comes out, the dog is ready to go off and the dog will bring the leash to you and be ready to go. And I this metaphor kind of it feels like this to me because if there's a need for change how do we get ourselves into that change ready state? How do we bring out the the walkies for ourselves so we're like amped up and that's what I want to talk about today is how can we adopt a practice priming ourselves for change?Julie Freedman-SmithYeah. Can I jump in?Tim SweetPlease.Julie Freedman-SmithOkay so I appreciate that's a really old metaphor and I love it because if you have seen the show, you know, you know exactly what happens. And I think it's a really good cue for all of us about that exact thing which is to take ourselves for a walk. Because we talked in the last segment about finding the courage to understand how we were feeling to recognize the lows that we might be feeling and the discomfort about where we are and where where we might want to be. It takes courage to figure out where we are, especially if that where we are feels yucky.  And it is daunting to imagine where we might want to be as we've said because we've just had two years of n ope, can't do that, can't do that, can't do that kind of coming at us and it's like, do I even want to try again? And yet, I find that one of the ways to really listen to the internal self and to and to find that inspiration for okay, what do I want? Maybe there's something inside of me that I really want, but I don't even know what it is, because I've been dumbing it out, numbing it out. So if we take ourselves on a walk into nature, ideally on our own, and ask that question, as we're walking, the idea of not having other things to numb it out and to just create this space and ask and be open to listening and it might not come in for a few minutes and just noticing the trees and the birds and whatever it is, that can really create that space within ourselves, the quietness, to be able to hear the messages that are asking. So I think walkies is a good, kind of a great way to think about that, as a way to inspire ourselves to move forward.Tim SweetI didn't make that connection at all. I think you're 100%, right. I was just thinking that John Muir, who is somebody that I really followed as a young man, he was this naturalist and mountaineer who… there was a quote that he he had every walk with nature, I just called it up “every walk with nature one receives far more than they seek”, right? And he had one more that I loved, and which was “between every two pines is a doorway to a new world”, but he used to talk about this Muir trek and I did this as a child. My dad turned me on to it and and I remember as an 18, 19 year-old, man, I couldn't afford much but I could afford, I went to the Salvation Army and I bought a fondue cooker that took alcohol fuel and I packed, you know, a few pounds of rice and beans. I had a tarp and an old sleeping bag and I would go out into the mountains and spend several nights on these Muir treks. And they were seriously for an extroverted, you know, pretty comfortable in crowds guy to get into the mountains and treat that, as my cathedral, my confessional, whatever it was going to be. And really spend some time with myself, as a young man, contemplating life, whatever, and doing it because it's just, it's, you elements silence survival, maybe being quite comfortable in in that backcountry. But still, you're not pretty much down to a fairly  primal existence, right? And just treking for days. And that, I mean, it's an extreme example of what your saying. Julie Freedman-SmithYeah. Around the block will do it.Tim SweetAround the block will do it and hey, there's a personal element to this. Like, as you know, I just had a double knee replacement come. And so for years and COVID i t got really bad. I could walk less than three house lengths before I had to stop and turn around. Couldn't do it. Yeah. It is amazing how imprisoning that is when you can't be with yourself in that sense. There's always mobility concerns so that some people will be in wheelchairs and and traveling in different ways. But just to have that available because it really is something that's just stellar to go out and just lead yourself by the hand a little bit. Julie Freedman-SmithMmhmm. And listen. Tim SweetAnd listen. Yeah, like, you know, what are you actually saying and why does it matter and and are you asking yourself questions. You know, people think that they say something and they understand what it means to themselves. Dig deep, I love that one. Okay so prime for change, get walking.Julie Freedman-SmithYeah, or a lot of the time asking yourself a question and allowing your body to write the answer. So where do I want to be? What would it be like if? What am I thinking about right now? And just allowing the pen to write it instead of the voice to speak it. Because oftentimes, what comes out of your pen as a little bit different than what comes out of your mouth.Tim SweetWow, that's that's really close to home. During the last year, or so, I was running a group first thing in the morning 6:30, at have a group of people that would join me online for 12 minutes. That was our goal. Julie Freedman-SmithYep. Tim SweetAnd, you know me, and 12 minutes that goes pretty quick. Julie Freedman-SmithYep. Tim SweetBut I still run these from time to time. We're going to be kicking off another one here. I t was based on. Yeah, the work by Julia Cameron, which was– Julie Freedman-SmithMorning Pages. Tim SweetMorning Pages. Yeah. And so we would get into a room and we would just write. You don't write for anybody else. You don't have a set task at hand, you just right Tim Ferriss calls it spiritual windshield wipers, right. And you just dump your random access memory onto this page without any kind of constraint and see what comes out. And either it's worth something or it just needed to be out, but it is really the inspiration for a lot of questions I'll tell you. And often, even though you don't want it to mean anything, boy, does it ever.Julie Freedman-SmithYes, exactly. Kleenex boxes are handy beside those pieces of paper, in my experience. And then, so, oftentimes creating that for possibility. There are a bunch of voices in our heads that say, yeah. But that's not or no no no no no or we protective voices, right? Reluctance, resistance. And and if there is an opportunity, even for a series of minutes and you could set a timer for this to say, okay resistance, I know you're right there, I'm going to sit you right beside me. We can we can put you right back in in two minutes but for two minutes, I'm going to imagine the possibilities without the resistance. If this was different, if life was different, if I wasn't who I was or whatever it is, you know, however, you need to dispose of that resistance for a couple of minutes. It's not saying, hey just get rid of that. No, just put it beside you, it can sit in the chair right beside you, and just dream for a moment. That often is a way to just spark that possibility that can guide you forward.Tim SweetI call those background conversations when you've got some nagging doubt or something. You know, all the reasons why you can't. When we do this with group work we called this what if we could conversations and it's like, yeah okay I understand there's a bunch of reasons that we can't do that right now. There's a bunch of perceived strains known constraints. But what if we could? What would life be like, on the other side of that achievement? How would it change for ourselves or company or customers? Whatever that's going to be. Yeah, what can be such a compelling vision, that it's like, then we can ask the question, well, why can't we? And then we can start to challenge those assumptions and those constraints.Julie Freedman-SmithSo those are my three thoughts about how to, how do we step off to a new place?Tim SweetYeah, unexpected and great. I love that. So again, go for a walk, change your perspective from that, you get out, get moving, write it down, see what comes out of the end of the pen, and then really, you know, give those inside voices their due but not before you have a chance to dream.Julie Freedman-SmithI love that. What if we could? What if we could? Tim SweetI love that. What if we could. Great acronym.  Anyway. Julie Freedman-SmithWalkies!Tim SweetWalkies! As we were just kicking off there, I went a slightly different direction, I think in terms of change, like prime for change and it kind of It kind of goes back to what are your sort of patterns of resistance and things like that?  But I found it really, really useful right now for people to get in touch with getting a little more fluent in what are their kind of base operating systems? So, for me right now, I've been doing a lot of work with Lencioni's Working Genius. And so it's do you understand what genius you you operate consistently in? And if not consistently, at least you're competent in. And you understand what geniuses that other people have that, you find that you lack and you find even frustrating to engage in. So that's where you can say these are my blind spots and I can get into that. I think that's a yeah, having a perspective like that of how do I tend to approach challenges? Am I way up in the ideation space? Am I in the collaborate and activation space? Or am I down in that get ‘er done space? And it'll often give you some insight to why you might be biased towards something else, right? So being prime for changes understand your own bias, understand your base operating system and be fluent in it. It's not to feel bad about it. It's just so that you can recognize patterns of thought and anticipate them. And also anticipate maybe dipping in or seeking some outside h elp might be from a different perspective. So understand yourself a little bit more, and I don't think it has to just be that tool. I think there's, in the work world, we can use things like, you know, work style preferences where we're saying you know, do I want to be up in the ask big questions space? If I avoid that space then maybe I need to, you know, have a little help to get there or recognize that I'm not there yet and go into it. I think there is that willingness to tap those around you, honestly. We see this a lot in the boxing community. When we see people leveling up and raising and raising their game, it really is about making sure you've got the right team in your corner and you have, you know, in a boxer's context, you have your promoter, you have your coach and your trainer, and you have your cut man and you have medical staff and you may have somebody else that's there or just sort of a your entourage or whatever it is. But each one of these people, they fill a really specific goal because what was it, Muhammad Ali had that quote that said you know, “everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the face”. And and so, in those times when you're down, and you may be resistant to change, that you have trusted people around you. Can be a spouse. It can be, it can be, I don't know clergy or whatever it is, whatever that's around you. But you know, getting the sense of, I realize that something needs to change here and I need to like let's bring the corner in so that so that we can, we can get moving. I think that's a, that's a big one, especially organizationally because it and it fits with the other one because you may have blind spots and you, and you may not see everything. And this goes back to what you and I were talking about before. Being able to see that hand hold that's out of reach, and gain a different perspective. So I think having that team around, you being being able to get outside your own head. So and I think that's really interesting because going for the walk, when we talked about that, that's like really getting in your head and I think that's really important but then if you're stuck let's bring in the cavalry and how do we get a little bit of help.Julie Freedman-SmithSo hold on to whatever your else you're going to say, because I don't want to make you lose that, but that brings up two more things for me. One is In the singing world - I think this is the same one in whatever world you're in, probably in the boxing world. When you're singing with people who are slightly better - I heard somebody say this best, if you're the smartest person in the room, find a new room, you want to have people around you that are slightly at a higher level so that you can rise to that, right? So part of it is looking at that team and seeing are there mentors? Are there people who can inspire me, and to whom I can aspire, you know, to become? And then I think also the in the boxing analogy in Taoism there's this idea that our opponents are really valuable to us because they raise us to be as good as them. So whenever we are challenging something, someone, or competing with them, we want to be competing against an excellent competitor because that raises the bar for us to become even more than we are. And so I think it's yeah, it's really just about that idea of when you're building your team or when you're finding your team, even if it's somebody who's a competitor, identify those competitors that will inspire you to become better. And have those people around you, that you can rise up because that gives you some kind of a goal. Something to work towards. Tim SweetThe strongest trees grow in rocky soil. That's what they say, right? I want to go back to the comment you made about who you surround yourself with. And I remember that when my dad retired from teaching, he addressed the class at his school and he said, you know, if I can give you any advice, it is to ensure that you surround yourself with people that lift you up. You will be you will be as successful as the average of the people you surround yourself with, which is a commonly said thing, and I really do believe that that is true. And it doesn't mean we shouldn't have room in our hearts and our lives f or people that may be struggling.Julie Freedman-SmithNo, we need it all, we need all of it.Tim SweetThat's right. But I, what's interesting about that statement is And and, you and I, we deal with  or we're exposed to especially in the family since, you know, the concerns over social media and whatnot like this. And of late, it's not a minor topic that people get stuck in a real negative cycle of comparing themselves with the ideal images that people put up online. Yeah. And I remember reading an article, which I actually take issue with, that said, do not engage in comparison with others, like don't compare yourself, there's a lot of grief to be found there. What I found lacking in that article is I actually think we need to have a healthy relationship with comparison. We have to we have to approach it and say, you know, yes I can find inspiration in other people and I can use that to inspire, motivate, mentor myself into a different position. I'm involved right now in a group that's all about high-tech startups and I am surrounded by people that are infinitely more knowledgeable than I am. And I have t

Tim Sweet welcomes Julie Freedman Smith back to the show. Julie, the creator and founder of Parent-Break online community, and Tim have a discussion about the feeling pervading people's lives and work-lives today. They break down why there is a sense of malaise and where the fear stems from.Julie has a perspective on how work and life have shifted in very recent years for children and young adults. She shares from the sense of what Covid concerns and access to world news in real time have done to satisfaction and a sense of meaning in their lives. Julie sees the changes as essentially optimistic in that the challenges presented are opportunities for growth, which is an opinion not everyone shares. Tim Sweet and guest Julie Freedman Smith dissect the current inertia dragging at both the business world and individual lives. They talk about how low-level anxiety and depression have helped shift the feeling, why individual dissatisfaction and sense of meaning travels up into holding business back, and just why we are collectively holding our cards closer to our chest in terms of what we're willing to give in these uncertain times. It's an illuminating conversation about the dramatic shift we are all enduring.About Julie Freedman SmithJulie Freedman Smith is the creator/founder of Parent–Break, an online community providing time and space for parents to connect with themselves and each other, to offer guidance, and to acknowledge the parenting challenges while celebrating the successes. Author, Blogger, Podcast Host and Parenting Expert, Julie Freedman Smith has been guiding parents across North America for 20+ years. Julie also enjoys practising and teaching Tai Chi and working as a professional choral singer and clinician.—Contact Tim Sweet | Team Work Excellence:WebsiteLinkedIn: Tim SweetInstagramLinkedin: Team Work ExcellenceContact Julie Freedman-Smith | Author, Blogger, Podcast Host and Parenting Expert:Website - Parent-BreakLinkedinInstagramLinktr.ee—TranscriptTim Sweet: We've been going through the motions. Not everything. Not everybody, not all the time. In aspects of our life, certain people have been going through the motions, I'd say a lot of people have been going through the motions. And that's why when they wake up that they're at a point where I feel its absence. They know something needs to change. Then the question comes, Where's my foothold? I'd like to ask you some questions. Do you consider yourself the kind of person that gets things done? Are you able to take a vision and transform that into action? Are you able to align others towards that vision and get them moving to create something truly remarkable? If any of these describe you, then you, my friend, are a leader. And this show is all about and all for you. Welcome to the Sweet on Leadership podcast.Welcome to the Sweet on Leadership Podcast, where we unlock the secrets of the most influential, trusted and impactful leaders in business today so you can become your best version of a leader. And now your host, in the pandemic he wanted to pick up a new skill and chose hair colorist, Tim Sweet.Tim Sweet: Hey, Julie, thanks for joining me again. This is great. I'm so excited to talk to you one more time. So it's interesting that over the last few weeks, our conversations have sort of gravitated towards the same space. And what's been happening in my world is really an influx of people that suddenly are feeling a bit of malaise and are ready to take on some new challenges, but are struggling with how do they get started. So I thought we could talk about that today.Julie: That sounds great. I'm hearing the same thing. I'm hearing that from parents about their kids and I'm hearing that from parents about themselves. So I think it's pretty universal and it's not surprising. So it's a great place to start.Tim Sweet: In the parenting world when you're dealing with parents, what are some of the reasons that people are finding it difficult to get moving?Julie: This is just my perception, but I feel like there's just a drag, like just people, I don't know, don't feel like they've got to get up and go. I think there's a little bit of hesitation about what's coming, fear of where Covid's going to lead us moving forward. And I think everybody's just exhausted from the last two years of everything we've been going through and pushing forward, pushing forward, pushing forward. And now there's no push. And I don't think that's abnormal because I think there's got to be these lulls. You know, there's a season for spring and there's a season of fall and there's all these seasons. But it does feel like this lag is pretty pervasive.Tim Sweet: Yeah. I can't remember what the term is exactly, but it's people have been operating at, you know, peak, running on adrenaline and now, you know, you can only do that for so long when you're living in this push, push, push state, it feels like we're pushing rope sometimes. It doesn't feel like we're drawn into things. We're really forcing ourselves through this experience and having to dig deep to get there.Julie: Yeah, and I think it's overcoming inertia in a way, right? It's just like, ugh, how do I get myself started? Because maybe if I can get myself started, we can move forward. So I'm hoping to talk about that today. I also, neither of us are psychologists, nor do we ever claim to be, but I was reading a really interesting article in the New York Times on Sunday about the fact that there is so much sadness and overwhelm, and it's not surprising, like it's not necessarily a crisis because there are a lot of feelings left over from two years of this. And it's not unreasonable that our bodies are feeling that sadness and that fatigue. Interesting to think about. Okay, here's a feeling. And then how are we going to find things to inspire us to move forward?Tim Sweet: I mean, there's most certainly this low-level anxiety or depression that people are exposed to because there's been a lot of uncertainty, and sadness, and it's just so ubiquitous right now. We've come to accept it, have pushed through it, but now it's just sitting there like noise coming out of a set of old speakers, that we've just grown to kind of accept it as that. The record scratch that comes.Julie: The fuzz in the background.Tim Sweet: Yeah, yeah, fuzz in the background. And would you say that the challenges that parents are facing now are bigger than they were in the past?Julie: Oh, my gosh. I don't know how we answer that question because I wasn't in the past. Were you?Tim Sweet: I mean, bigger than they were two years ago or three years ago. Are they meatier challenges or are they really the same? What I'm asking: does the hill feel bigger to climb?Julie: Oh, I am, presume that the hill feels gigantic because of all the stuff that was there two years ago, this feels like a throwback to the last set of conversations that we had. All the stuff that was there two years ago is still here and now there's something piled on top, right? But I also think there's a whole layer of worry for parents. I'm worried that my kids missed out. I'm worried that they missed out socially. I'm worried that academically they're going to be falling behind. And so the worry adds another level, right? And so sometimes it's can we take that worry and put it aside and just focus on what we're doing here? Because if you're spending so much energy in the worry, we don't have the energy to devote to the new.Tim Sweet: We're kind of putting a bunch of energy into the friction that's there rather than the solution itself. It's kind of just maintaining that reaction to the noise. If you're riding in a car, maybe your wheels are misaligned and you're spending a whole bunch of your energy on the wheel and maybe the rubber that's on the tires in just constantly making these sort of adjustments that are just suboptimal. You're constantly drifting towards the right, so you got to keep a hand on the left. Yes, it's moving you forward, but it's really not efficient.Julie: Yeah, exactly. And your mind is trapped there. How are you finding this with your leadership clients?Tim Sweet: One of the most interesting things is we have teams of all sorts. We have teams that have been together forever. We have teams that have formed and that are new. But what is most interesting to me is a lot of where we're gaining traction is getting right back to basics. It's pretty standard things that teams need to accomplish, which over the last three years have kind of been thrown out or ignored. Basics in communication, basics in relationship building, basics in trust building, conceptualizing one's, you know, amount of choice in a process or system dealing with how overwhelmed we are with the little things that are happening. And it all starts to manifest as kind of a feeling of fatigue. But I would say fatigue is probably not as accurate as - and I'll use this in a very specific way - resignation, saying I'm resigned to the fact that this is just what work feels like now. And yeah, not so much resignation in terms of we talk about the great resignation in terms of people leaving their jobs. But I just mean sort of the great acceptance that it's going to just be, it's going to just be tough. There's a lot of questions about why try to get out of it. And that need to say, you know, am I capable of something different? And I think a lot of the reasons for that is people were running on adrenaline and they were trying to make things better. And then they kept getting hit from the side. And we would try to improve something over here. And maybe we thought we were kind of getting a handle on it. We're moving through Covid. We don't really know how to handle it. And then all of a sudden whack, they get slapped and everything changes again and another challenge comes up. We thought we had a light at the end of the tunnel and then it changes. And so again, it's this trying to get people into a state where they see choice, hope, they feel empowered.Julie: Possibility, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Tim Sweet: And it doesn't feel complex once we get there. But even if we've got the answers, even if we're saying, you know, I could really try something in this area of my career or this area of my role, then the question comes, Well, how do I get started? There is a lot of, or I would say an extra layer of resistance than that would experience with clients three years ago.Julie: Yeah, for sure. The way you were talking about it made me think of this idea of there's a feeling and feelings are quite transient and we spend a lot of time teaching kids, Yeah, you have a feeling it's coming through your body and that feeling is going to be here and then it's going to go. And yet what I hear you saying is that those feelings have now almost been glommed onto a person's identity. So this feeling is now here, it's static. And so part of it is, is there a possibility for a new identity? Is there a way for us to imagine ourselves without that glommy feeling? What might that look like and how? And even if we can just do that for a small amount of time, we can maybe find our way into moving forward and see where we go.Tim Sweet: That acceptance is a big part of this, I think, and I think we should really think about that. Again, we're not psychologists, but they often talk about what's your range of highs and lows and do you understand how elastic you are in your own mood? And we have to be aware of if that mood begins to close and if we become less reactive or if the set point, if our median level of happiness begins to slip to one side or the other. I think we can use a similar sort of model on capacity for change for organizations and capacity for change in individuals. And what we've seen here is that through disappointment, through fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, people have shut in a little bit and they're protecting a little bit. And so the challenge for creating change, creating innovation, creating momentum is just that little bit more sticky. And their capacity or their willingness or their excitement around change has moved, I would say, to the more resistant side of things.Julie: Right? So there's that courage, that willingness to be hurt again or to be disappointed again. Can we find that?Tim Sweet: I think so. And when we look at how much change we've undergone in the last two and a half years, I mean, we have been, really the business community or other organizational entities or whatever, there really should be quite impressed with just how much change - and I'm not saying all of it's positive - but I mean, there have been massive, massive shifts and people rallied and they made big, big changes and they strode into the unknown not knowing what this would really mean. And we're finding some of that out right now. And I think even then didn't exactly know all the good and all the bad that would come out of new ways of working and new challenges and what happens when you create different types of options. And we don't just adhere to traditional ideas of what it means to work and, you know, pull a 9 to 5 and get paid. And what is the agreement, the transaction between employer and employee, et cetera? A huge amount of change. And so this is kind of like change fatigue on a grand scale and at the same time being tremendously personal and protective. I think it is a byproduct of people also - perhaps this is one aspect of it - isolating. And so change now has been made very personal and is much more granular than perhaps it was before, or at least it's, the change is promised on a wide organizational level but then when it comes down to it, it's individuals that are having to change and they may not feel terribly supported or aligned with, you know, the overall movement.Tim Sweet: And so in the business sense, that's where we have it's a much higher lift because it's kind of like, well, what are you going to do tomorrow? Not what are we going to do and are we going to team around this? But now individually, people are hanging back a little bit. And if individuals hang back, then teams hang back. And if teams hang back, then organizations hang back. And there seems to be a lot more disconnect between setting that large vision for change and what is the individual actually going to do. So, I mean, we're banging around with a number of different factors here. We've talked about fatigue and we've talked about how is this change carried through the organization. We've talked, you know, I think there's still more to talk about. But from a business perspective, I think all of those reasons are there. It's manifesting as it's just harder to get people moving. And I would say one other thing. It's a little easier to get them moving for their own reasons. It's a little harder to get them moving for collective reasons. So again, I think that's part and parcel of this individualization and people being somewhat more fractured. So I don't know, does that ring true for you or does it have any bearing on family structures?Julie: Yeah, I think it really does. I think we also just have to remember that we all are obviously existing within these different levels of society, right? Like you can look at your team, you can look at your business, we can look at our kids and our families, but we also can look at the social structure and we can look at what's happening in the world and the battles that are being fought throughout the world. And it's really easy to be, because they all come into our immediate bedrooms with our devices, it's really easy to have the overlay of that trap us in our thought. Like, like, why do I, why does it even matter if I'm pushing forward here when people are being killed there? Am I a good person for blocking that out so that I can get my work done, or should I be investing all of my time in at least standing by them in some way? Right? So part of it is how do we take all of this stuff that's coming into our worlds and discern, okay, this is all happening and how am I choosing to live within this? And think in families, our kids are seeing that. And because they're well-meaning, they're caring, they're thoughtful, they're sensitive, all of this news that's coming in and smacking them in the face all the time can feel really overwhelming and unmotivating like, why am I even bothering if we aren't going to be here in ten years? And I'm hearing that from various levels, like I'm 50, so when I'm talking kids, I'm talking 20s and 30s as well. Obviously 30-year-olds are not kids, but that's kind of the way I'm thinking about it. I'm hearing these different generations talking about, well, should I even be planning for X if I'm not going to go that long? And so they're just not having that this is my arc of my life and how can I live that life as opposed to, yeah, why even bother? This is really glum.Tim Sweet: Yeah. No, but I mean, you're like when the external threats become so large and the external challenges become large and our feeling of what we mean in the world becomes comparatively smaller, that sense of nihilism really can set in and it can be a) what is it all for? If I want to go in and I want to work with a team to improve, I don't know throughput of their, of how many customers they can process or something. Okay. So they get an extra 10% of customers. Yeah, it probably means something. It probably means we can probably track that back to profitability and the rest of it. But then immediately if you're expending that effort and meanwhile you're seeing people dying on social media or these huge threats emerging, it does feel like you're playing out a simulation. You're, it's a game compared to real life. I think the interesting flip side is at the same time, we have people wanting to have more investment in their own personal pursuits and their own, you know, spending time with family, maybe, it could be in fitness, it could be whatever the life side of the balance is, they're spending time there and these could be equally, you know, for instance, okay, if I'm thinking about my kids, it could be time on a video game or something. These could be nonproductive, but they are, they're feeling good. And so then we get back to, well, are we talking about we have this nebulous fear out here, this big, broad fear, and we get back down into, well, what am I doing in the moment? And is there an immediate payoff? And one aspect of organizational change or process change within a business is it's theoretical and then it is something that you can apply, but it's not terribly personal. And then it tends to have delayed gratification, if any gratification. The gratification may actually be experienced by somebody else in the organization or the customer or something along those lines, and they may not even recognize, you may not dot line your effort all the way through to that achievement unless you're measuring it or unless there's a system set up to do that. And so it can feel pretty unrewarding. It can feel like you're tipping your life force into some effort and you're not sure how that benefited me, right? In a way.Julie: Right! are But so that is so cool because if we aware of that, then we have an opportunity to ask ourselves the question, So where can I find that gratification? So how can I find this motivating or interesting? How can I tie this into something that's really important to me and be inspired by it? Because we choose that. Like we can wait for somebody else to make this interesting for us, or we can step in and say, No, I'm here, I'm using my time. How do I make this important to me? How do I make this valuable? Is it that yes, I'm doing a job that is not overly stimulating to me, but I'm earning money and I'm taking that money and I'm donating it to a cause that I really believe in. How do we make it something special for us? Because delayed gratification is something that we all need to learn to deal with, and part of that is playing a few games with ourselves around, Okay, so how do I make this special? How do I feel like I'm contributing? Is it about the people? I think that's really exciting, that to recognize that and then to figure out, okay, how do I play this game?Tim Sweet: I had a conversation just recently and it's another episode in this podcast with Paul Farmer from Mentoris down in Australia. And he is a very tactical consultant. I mean he deals with financial and strategy and yes, he's general business, but his practice has switched over into basically - and I've adopted some of this - his opening concern is how do you want to feel? When you're doing what you want in life, how does it feel? If the most important thing to you is arriving at a state where you feel successful, let's actually describe what that feels like. And then are we taking moves to move us closer to that? And I think if I then apply that to this conversation, if we don't have a clear bead on that, and we can't judge where we are and are we getting closer or farther away, we really are lacking something. I think for when we're engaged in sometimes unhealthy short-term gratification, you know, small distractions, these kinds of things, we get this kind of immediate snippets of this feeling, but it's not necessarily building up to the long term vision because, again, we don't know if we're going to be here in ten years.Tim Sweet: So that's kind of out of the table for right now. We're not too concerned. You know, everything's moved close up. We're not really thinking long-range. Again in business or - I hate saying that 'in business' - but in say, in a person's job, we're one step removed even from that. And it's kind of like we're not even promised that this is going to feel good. We haven't found why it's rewarding. Why is it fulfilling? Why do I take, why do I take pride in what I've done? Or why do I feel a sense of happiness, gratification, achievement, whatever that is, it just feels too far away. And in fact, I think maybe what's happened over the last two years is people have just been moving and settling for action without any clear reward or, you know, you're moving in spite of it. You're moving with no feedback or very little or random. And so we need to kind of get in tune again with why work, for instance, or parenthood or sport or whatever our pursuit is...Julie: Or making dinner or loading the dishwasher or going to bed or whatever, yeah.Tim Sweet: Okay. Let me amend. I mean within our sensory, whether it's physical or it's emotional.Julie: I get it.Tim Sweet: Yeah. But it happens within, it doesn't yet translate into any external measure, you know, yet. It's really, it's within our own simulation, within our own sensory net. It's like, did that just matter? And I think we've been going through the motions for quite a while. Not everything. Not everybody, not all the time. In aspects of our life, certain people have been going through the motions, I'd say a lot of people have been going through the motions. And that's why, you know, when they wake up that they're at a point where I feel its absence. They know something needs to change. And the question comes how to start, what to start on, where is my foothold? Julie: Gigantic shoe here, right?Tim Sweet: These umbrellas of fear that are just hanging over everybody and a lot of uncertainty and a lot of... I never thought - I mean, just to talk about the Ukraine for a minute - I'm a child of the 80s. I mean, I remember when the wall came down. I never thought we would be back there. I never thought in my lifetime we would be talking about renewed, you know, threat of nuclear annihilation or Cold War. I mean, we're not even in a Cold War, we've got a hot war right now. But, you know, and it's the last thing in the world I would have wished for my kids.Julie: Sure. And we can say the same thing where I kind of thought women's rights had kind of come a little bit and now we're watching them go backwards.Tim Sweet: Oh, yeah. Well, and you see these waves of like two steps forward, one step back or one step forward, two steps back. And I think a lot of that in my mind, and this is a little bit off-topic from where we are, but what I'm seeing is we're seeing such a move towards polarization in society and people have moved closer to the extreme. And what we're missing is we're missing this rational middle where people can disagree and still get stuff done. We're not missing it entirely. But I just think...Julie: No, I would argue that the media is telling us that we are a lot more disparate than we are, and there's a bunch of people hanging out in the middle who are just wanting the middle to be here. And I agree with you that all those scary things, hearing those scary things and the disparity and the distance between us is it's not easy to just kind of go, okay, let's go.Tim Sweet: And this is what's really interesting is when we think about 2018, 2019 and years before that, to understand just how fragile that social contract was. And I'm not saying it shouldn't. There's aspects of it that absolutely needed to change. But we again, we've approached a lot of change and a lot of areas very, very quickly, been more successful in some than others. But just how it didn't take much to question what is the employee-employer relationship, what does that actually, what is the promise of work actually look like? And what are our options? The bulk of society, do they have to assume that work looks a certain way and the transaction looks a certain way? And what is accessible to a person? What are they allowed to stand up against and be activists against and where are they allowed to find satisfaction in work?Julie: For me, that's what makes this time one of the coolest times to be living in. Because I think, and I might be the only person who thinks this, but I think we have, there are so many invitations for change or opportunities, directions that we might be able to make change in because we've seen what's happened over the two years. We've seen resourcefulness, we've seen inventiveness and people being given a crisis and then rising to it and figuring out a way that we can make this work. We're all talking to people across the world through Zoom now in ways, or Instagram and all the different social media. We just have connections in so many different ways and so many opportunities to fight for what we really believe in and to create opportunities for people to work together or to start those opportunities happening. And so for me, this is a time of like, Woah.Tim Sweet: Oh yeah, it's a time of renewal for sure.Julie: I know that's not for everybody. But for me, I think living right now is super interesting because we have the opportunity to step in and step up.Tim Sweet: I think it is for everybody in a way. I'll say why. I don't think it's necessarily accessible to everybody, but I think we've come through an age. We've come through an age of the human being that is as profound as the industrial revolution. We've, this is a new age. It's a new revolution. And people have been trying to coin what kind of revolution is this. And it could be the new individualism. It could be the new...Julie: I hope it's not. God, I hope it's not. We've had enough individualism. We need some...Tim Sweet: Yeah. One philosopher was calling it The Age of Accessibility and another one was calling it The Age of Location. Like you can work from anywhere. You can choose how you're going to show up. And so whatever we're going to call it and I don't think it's been coined yet, it is different. And I think the critical mass we're seeing now, I do think we've been polarized, but I think we're going to see this crash back into the middle. And people are realizing that they can't wait for it to - it sounds kind of trite - but they can't wait for it to return to what it is. I don't think anybody's really thinking that way, but just that change is a-coming and I got to do something about it. And we're going to see more and more people rebalancing and resetting where they are. And I mean my coaching practice is just like it's, they're all showing up a little bit differently. But there just seems to be this, there has been this new energy. And so although we're talking about getting started, the will is there and it's growing. And so I think we're going to see another reset. This reset, though, is going to be more intentional than the last one.Julie: Yes. Or feeling a little bit more controlled, like we have more control over it.Tim Sweet: Maybe it's the Age of Intentionality. I don't know. Maybe we should come up with the old one. We better start making t-shirts. All right. Well, we've kind of, we've kind of talked, you know, and there's a couple of places that I think this is going. Here's what I would suggest. Why don't we put a pin in this right now? Let's have some closing thoughts around where we got to today. But then let's talk about where we want to shoot when we talk next. Because as everything you and I do, I mean, it's one thing to talk about the situation and to kind of visualize it, but then the question comes, what are we going to do? What are we going to actually, how are we going to turn this into something?Julie: Let's make it happen.Tim Sweet: Yeah, yeah. So what are your big, what are your big sort of summary thoughts on what we've managed? Have we managed anything? Oh, my gosh, we've meandered.Julie: I think there's the yin and the yang. There's the lethargy, there's the being stuck, the malaise, those low points. And there's the possibility and the opportunities that are still coming in regardless of how many years we're here. Right? We're here. Let's, let's do this. Let's figure out how we're going to do today. And so, yeah, I think it's looking at the whole picture. It's okay to have all of those things, the lows and the highs and that they all make up what life is. That's what I'm taking away from it. What about you?Tim Sweet: I think it's funny, the visual that I got when you were saying that the lows and the highs, was thinking about a groove in a record. And I think--Julie: Groovy.Tim Sweet: Yeah. But I think people's malaise, right, the languish that has been sort of a reasonable feeling. Maybe it's helplessness, maybe it's depression, whatever it is, this kind of dull ache that we've had the last two years is there and then in stark relief, is starting to appear these peaks of desire for things to, you know, be more in control of the individual. What can the individual do? How do they need to change? There's an energy that's building in people. And the synergy is expressing itself in a whole bunch of different ways. Yeah, it could be personal success. We're seeing it a lot, you know, and we've seen it a lot in people's willingness to get back together, to accept certain risks and to try to reassemble. But we're seeing this stark relief of where we've been satisfied. And now people are going to rise up against their own experience and say, I want more. I want more of something, I got to, I don't know what that is yet. I haven't put my finger on it yet. And I certainly may not know what to act, how to act to get going. But there's just this, again, this relief between what... I think the tolerance for being tolerant with one's lack of fulfillment or kind of lack of potential in the world is going to quickly come to an end.Julie: Yeah, I see it as you're talking about, it's like now is the winter of our discontent, right? There's this like darkness, this the earth, you know, settling. And the leaves have fallen down and it's the cold and it's the winter. And it's this low point that we've been in. And then underneath the ground, there are these seeds. And while we can't see them, they're starting to send out roots and they're starting to poke and starting to grow upwards. They're still underground. But they're starting, right? There's that little frisson of something that's starting. Don't know what it's going to turn into. We can't see the plant yet, so we don't know what it is. But we know that even under that darkness and in the mud and in the cold, there is this something coming up. So cool.Tim Sweet: I think people want to matter again. And many people have gone through a question of just how much do they matter. We go back to that nihilism piece. We're not starting from being in a, you know, in a lord and vassal relationship. We're not starting with, you know, having come from abject poverty by and large.Julie: We aren't.Tim Sweet: We aren't. Some people are.Julie: Many people in this world are.Tim Sweet: [Many people are, granted. But in the first world, you know, a Western context, we have a point of comparison where we were brought up believing in our own potential and our own power. We raised our children this way to believe that the world was their oyster. And so the last two, three years have fallen and gone against those reassurances. And so whether or not it's accurate, whether or not, you know, there's other challenges, people have felt like they matter more than they matter today. And. Yeah, many people, not everyone, but many people. And so there is, I think there's an impatience with feeling like they are smaller than they want to be. And again, it won't be everybody and some people will remain oppressed and some people will will be moving from oppression into something else. But again, I'm speaking in gross generalities. I think within the business community, people want to matter again. They want to feel like their work matters and they want to feel like they've got--.Julie: Purpose.Tim Sweet: Yeah, they want to feel like their canoe paddle can turn the boat a little bit. And I think whether or not it's accurate, we're going to see a renewed interest in at least the leadership portion of the business community getting really active. Right now I think that activity is going to be really scattered. If it's not approached properly, it's going to fail every once in a while, and that might drive people back down, right? So anyway, that would be my big takeaway is that those little, those hips and valleys as the needle's going over are starting to make a lot of noise and that noise is starting to be a screech and people are going to want to get this into a rhythm and get some orderliness and some harmonies that they can dance to.Julie: I'm feeling the metaphor. I'm hearing the metaphor.Tim Sweet: So I think that's the period we're in. Yeah. All right. Well, that was fun. So that was, I love having these opening conversations because I think what it does is it steers us towards a more pointed conversation next time, right? So let's move forward to, you know, how do we move through this period and get active?Julie: Sounds good.Tim Sweet: All right. See you next time, Julie.Julie: Talk soon.

To kick off the SWEET ON LEADERSHIP Podcast, I am joined by Julie Freedman-Smith to talk about the stress and languish you may be feeling at home and at work.In this four-part series, we explore what has sat too long in the back of life's fridge; what might be festering and what can you do about it.Join us for this conversation and begin with a cleanse to help you feel free and focused.__Contact Tim Sweet | Team Work Excellence:WebsiteLinkedIn: Tim SweetInstagramLinkedin: Team Work ExcellenceContact Julie Freedman-Smith | Author, Blogger, Podcast Host and Parenting Expert:Website - Parent-BreakLinkedinInstagramLinktr.ee 

To kick off the SWEET ON LEADERSHIP Podcast, I am joined by Julie Freedman-Smith to talk about the stress and languish you may be feeling at home and at work.In episode two of the 4-part series, we continue to explore what has sat too long in the back of life's fridge; what might be festering and what can you do about it.This was composed in 2022 as we emerge from Covid - but the lessons are relevant whenever you might feel overwhelmed at work or home.Join us for this conversation and begin with a cleanse to help you feel free and focused.__Contact Tim Sweet | Team Work Excellence:WebsiteLinkedIn: Tim SweetInstagramLinkedin: Team Work ExcellenceContact Julie Freedman-Smith | Author, Blogger, Podcast Host and Parenting Expert:Website - Parent-BreakLinkedinInstagramLinktr.ee 

What happens when we want to BE too many things.  What happens when we have set the bar high in so many areas we just don't know where to start?  And after years of pandemic panic - we likely have a backlog of unmet dreams and goals.To kick off the SWEET ON LEADERSHIP Podcast, I am joined by Julie Freedman-Smith to talk about the stress and languish you may be feeling at home and at work.In this third episode, of this 4-part series, we continue to explore what has sat too long in the back of life's fridge; what might be festering and what can you do about it.  We talk about OVERWHELM and how to create space so you can create space.Join us for this conversation and begin with a cleanse to help you feel free and focused.__Contact Tim Sweet | Team Work Excellence:WebsiteLinkedIn: Tim SweetInstagramLinkedin: Team Work ExcellenceContact Julie Freedman-Smith | Author, Blogger, Podcast Host and Parenting Expert:Website - Parent-BreakLinkedinInstagramLinktr.ee 

What happens when we face a mountain of floundering goals, projects and dreams.  What happens when we have set the bar high in so many areas we just don't know where to start?  And after years of pandemic panic - we likely have a backlog of unmet dreams and goals.To kick off the SWEET ON LEADERSHIP Podcast, I am joined by Julie Freedman-Smith to talk about the stress and languish you may be feeling at home and at work.In this fourth episode in our 4-part series, we talk about dealing with what has sat too long in the back of life's fridge.  Let's explore how to get moving and keep moving.  Build momentum back into your home and work.  Join us for this conversation and begin with a cleanse to help you feel free and focused.__Contact Tim Sweet | Team Work Excellence:WebsiteLinkedIn: Tim SweetInstagramLinkedin: Team Work ExcellenceContact Julie Freedman-Smith | Author, Blogger, Podcast Host and Parenting Expert:Website - Parent-BreakLinkedinInstagramLinktr.ee 

RUOK with Australia? ... or is it Straya? What does it take to be a good parent when your teen graduates from high school? Julie Freedman Smith, Parenting coach and co-founder of Parenting Power, gives us tips on how to support your kids as they go through this massive change and parenting post-pandemic. Steve Stebbing brings us a look at the new Elvis biopic On what the well should we watch this weekend! Plus, Ethan Hawk's chilling performance in a horror movie and more!  HEY, DO YOU LIKE PODCASTS? Why not subscribe to ours? find it on Apple, Google, Spotify & Curiouscast.ca   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We begin with a look at the announcement that came down late Wednesday afternoon that the Calgary Sport and Entertainment Corporation has pulled the plug on the much anticipated arena deal. We get reaction from Mayor Jyoti Gondek. Next, we break down the new COVID-19 restrictions outlined by the Provincial government on Wednesday that take effect starting on Christmas Eve Day. We speak with Ernie Tsu, President of the Alberta Hospitality Association on what ‘impact' the new protocols will have on Calgary restaurants and pubs during the holiday season. Then, we ‘flip through the pages' of the most popular reads of 2021 according to the Calgary Public Library. We get an inside ‘glimpse' of the most borrowed books from Stephen Gibbs, “Selector in Collections” from the Library. Finally, in our final installment in our series on “family dynamics” during the Holiday Season Parenting Expert Julie Freedman Smith explains the importance of ‘alone time' even when you have out of town guests staying with you. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week we are joined by parenting expert and author Julie Freedman Smith. You can find Julie online through LinkedIn at https://ca.linkedin.com/in/julie-freedman-smith or you can contact Julie directly at julie@juliefreedmansmith.com. Please send any listener questions to LawyersTalkingAboutDivorce@gmail.com and find us online at DivorcedAndDone.com.

Podcast for December 21, 2020 36,000 new cases of Covid-19 were reported in the UK yesterday alone, and a new strain of Covid-19 is being blamed on the increasing numbers. With an update on new related restrictions in the UK, we check in with UK businessman and broadcaster Kenni James. Does a COVID vaccine need to be universally available for Canadians to be able to travel freely once again? We check in with an infectious disease specialist to discuss what Canadians need to see from other countries, before we can safely leave our bubbles. How do you keep the peace between siblings, stuck in the house over the holidays? Parenting expert Julie Freedman-Smith offers up some advice that might just help us all!   Year-end tax preparations could look very different for many Canadians this year. We talk to an accountant about what you need to think about before your income tax is due in April. And our on-call family physician, Dr Ted Jablonski joins us to talk about the very real “needle phobia”, and offer up some tips and tricks to overcome it. 

Meet Antoinetta Boticelli who was a diabetic who couldn't tie her own shoes in 2016 and has since lost 140 pounds and inspires others to live their best life. Speakers, authors, and nationally featured experts, Julie Freedman Smith and Gail Bell of Parenting Power share how to be the best parent you can be for the longest summer break ever. Heather Greenwood Davis talks about her National Geographic article that focuses on raising anti-rascist kids. Ruth Goba and Nana Yanful from the Black Legal Action Centre in Toronto share how they are helping Black Ontarians and Anne Brodie interviews Bryce Dallas Howard about her first documentary Dads.

In the heat of the moment, it is easy to fall into the trap of offering bribes and threats to our kids so they can change their behaviour. But what are we teaching them and how do we feel afterwards? In today’s Tools for the Trade podcast, Julie and Gail offer insights as to how we can turn the situation around with expectations with the language needed to help parents teach our children internal motivation for actions. Julie Freedman Smith has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary. Gail Bell’s career has always involved working with children, both in home and abroad. Her 20+ years in the public and private school systems both as an educator in the classroom, and as an administrator provides her with a broad experience base and unique insight when working with children and parents. Gail easily engages an audience with her enthusiasm for parenting, and her belief that all children want to learn, try their best, and do what is right, contributes to her goal of building positive relationships between parents and children. Gail holds a B.Ed. with Distinction and a M.A. (Honours) in Administration and Curriculum Development from Gonzaga University.   ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith Sponsored by Beaners Fun Cuts for Kids Salons  

Why is it so hard to get your child to say “sorry”. When your child misbehaves, we want them to apologize in the moment, but it doesn’t always work. Julie Freedman Smith and Gail Bell shares ideas to help you model the behaviour for your children when apologies are necessary and required.   Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary. Gail’s career has always involved working with children, both in home and abroad. Her 20+ years in the public and private school systems both as an educator in the classroom, and as an administrator provides her with a broad experience base and unique insight when working with children and parents. Gail easily engages an audience with her enthusiasm for parenting, and her belief that all children want to learn, try their best, and do what is right, contributes to her goal of building positive relationships between parents and children. Gail holds a B.Ed. with Distinction and a M.A. (Honours) in Administration and Curriculum Development from Gonzaga University.   ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith Sponsored by Beaners Fun Cuts for Kids Salons  

Most of the world is now at home and will be for awhile now as social distance measures are in place. Parents are working from home, schools and daycares are closed so the whole family is home now. Julie Freedman Smith and Gail Bell share several resources and strategies to help you through the weeks ahead.  Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary. Gail’s career has always involved working with children, both in home and abroad. Her 20+ years in the public and private school systems both as an educator in the classroom, and as an administrator provides her with a broad experience base and unique insight when working with children and parents. Gail easily engages an audience with her enthusiasm for parenting, and her belief that all children want to learn, try their best, and do what is right, contributes to her goal of building positive relationships between parents and children. Gail holds a B.Ed. with Distinction and a M.A. (Honours) in Administration and Curriculum Development from Gonzaga University.   ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith Sponsored by Beaners Fun Cuts for Kids Salons  

Julie Freedman Smith and Gail Bell of Parenting Power are Canada's Go-To Parenting Team. 18 years ago, they began bringing ‘Aha moments' to parents, teachers and caregivers with a collection of practical, easy-to-use tools; simplifying their days and strengthening the connection with the children in their lives. In this episode: How to talk to our children about Coronavirus (COVID-19) and tools to help alleviate their anxiety Tools and tips for families navigating closed schools and working from home Check out Parenting Power's “Stay at Home Family Challenge”. For more information go to: https://www.facebook.com/parentingpower/ From Parenting Power: “Learning at Home” by Alison Van Rosendaal: http://www.dinnerwithjulie.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Home-Schooling-Guidance.pdf Connect with Parenting Power: (Note - Parenting Power is no longer in business) Instagram: @parentingpower https://www.instagram.com/parentingpower/ Facebook: @parentingpower https://www.facebook.com/parentingpower/

Julie Freedman Smith and Gail Bell have noticed a new trend among early education circles - enhanced and advanced academic and physical activities programs for children in preschool and kindergarten. Does your child need these programs?   Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments. An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary. Gail’s career has always involved working with children, both in-home and abroad. Her 20+ years in the public and private school systems both as an educator in the classroom, and as an administrator provides her with a broad experience base and unique insight when working with children and parents. Gail easily engages an audience with her enthusiasm for parenting, and her belief that all children want to learn, try their best, and do what is right, contributes to her goal of building positive relationships between parents and children. Gail holds a B.Ed. with Distinction and an M.A. (Honours) in Administration and Curriculum Development from Gonzaga University. ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith Sponsored by Beaners Fun Cuts for Kids Salons  

Julie Freedman Smith and Gail Bell provide tools to help you prepare kids to navigate the online social space and how to handle themselves online.   Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary. Gail’s career has always involved working with children, both in home and abroad. Her 20+ years in the public and private school systems both as an educator in the classroom, and as an administrator provides her with a broad experience base and unique insight when working with children and parents. Gail easily engages an audience with her enthusiasm for parenting, and her belief that all children want to learn, try their best, and do what is right, contributes to her goal of building positive relationships between parents and children. Gail holds a B.Ed. with Distinction and a M.A. (Honours) in Administration and Curriculum Development from Gonzaga University.   ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith Sponsored by Beaners Fun Cuts for Kids Salons  

This is a great season to remind ourselves to make meaning in our actions and words for both parents and children as Julie Freedman Smith and Gail Bell discuss the attitude of gratitude. Flipping our language from “I get to” instead of “I have to” can change our perspective to one full of gratitude, in which our thoughts and actions have more meaning.  Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments. An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary. Gail’s career has always involved working with children, both in home and abroad. Her 20+ years in the public and private school systems both as an educator in the classroom, and as an administrator provides her with a broad experience base and unique insight when working with children and parents. Gail easily engages an audience with her enthusiasm for parenting, and her belief that all children want to learn, try their best, and do what is right, contributes to her goal of building positive relationships between parents and children. Gail holds a B.Ed. with Distinction and a M.A. (Honours) in Administration and Curriculum Development from Gonzaga University.   ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith Sponsored by Beaners Fun Cuts for Kids Salons  

Developing trust and building relationships with our kids happen over the long term and it’s important to build the foundation before they become teens. This week, Julie Freedman Smith discusses tools to help you build trust in your family. Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments. An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary. ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith Sponsored by Beaners Fun Cuts for Kids Salons  

Going for a walk with your child is a great opportunity to talk to them about everything around them and everything you are doing together with them. Julie Freedman Smith talks to us about filling our babies ears and brains with language and conversation to help them learn and develop communication skills through a simple walk.  Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary.   ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith Sponsored by Beaners Fun Cuts for Kids Salons  

Have you talked to your kids about vaping? If you don’t know where to begin, then you will want to listen to this week’s episode. Julie Freedman Smith will outline some resources to help you get started, with some tools to help you figure out how to talk to them about it.  Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary.   ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith Sponsored by Beaners Fun Cuts for Kids Salons  

Why don't children listen the first time when we ask them to do something? Julie Freedman Smith tells us that they have they have learned that they don't have to and offers advice to get them to listen without resorting to threats.  Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary   ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith   Sponsored by Beaners Fun Cuts Salon for Kids 

Julie Freedman Smith, co-founder, Parenting Power

What stories do you tell yourself as a parent, and what stories do your children tell themselves? Julie Freedman Smith advises that knowing these stories can help us rewrite the ones we can to help our families flourish.  Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith Sponsored by: Beaners Fun Cuts for Kids     

One of our most common "Parenting Powerism" is "Act...don't Yak!" What does that mean? Julie Freedman Smith provides guidance in this week's Tools for the Trade.  Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith  

Getting into the nitty gritty details of family screen time use, Julie Freedman Smith and Gail Bell have some tools to help your family with both parent and child use of screens to minimize the negative effects of too much screen time use. Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary Gail’s career has always involved working with children, both home and abroad. Her 20+ years in the public and private school systems both as an educator in the classroom, and as an administrator provides her with a broad experience base and unique insight when working with children and parents.Gail easily engages an audience with her enthusiasm for parenting, and her belief that all children want to learn, try their best, and do what is right, contributes to her goal of building positive relationships between parents and children. Gail holds a B.Ed. with Distinction and a M.A. (Honours) in Administration and Curriculum Development from Gonzaga University. ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith

Julie Freedman Smith, Co-Founder, Parenting Power

When your child is losing it, be the CEO Parent. Julie Freedman Smith provides a helpful tool help you stay calm when your child is emotional. Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising Spirit Jay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith

Why don't children listen the first time when we ask them to do something? Julie Freedman Smith tells us that they have learned that they don't have to and offers advice to get them to listen without resorting to threats.    Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary   ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising SpiritJay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith

Is it that big of a concern to be using your phone or smartphone around your children? Julie Freedman Smith and Gail Bell talk about new research and the terminology of "technoference" created for this situation. Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary Gail’s career has always involved working with children, both home and abroad. Her 20+ years in the public and private school systems both as an educator in the classroom, and as an administrator provides her with a broad experience base and unique insight when working with children and parents.Gail easily engages an audience with her enthusiasm for parenting, and her belief that all children want to learn, try their best, and do what is right, contributes to her goal of building positive relationships between parents and children. Gail holds a B.Ed. with Distinction and a M.A. (Honours) in Administration and Curriculum Development from Gonzaga University.   •••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising Spirit Jay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith

Is there a difference between a tantrum and a meltdown and how do we stop them? Julie Freedman Smith provides insight into the two, how they might start out to the same, and how they are different. Julie has been involved in teaching for the past 24 years. Her experience as an Elementary/Jr. High music teacher, a choral conductor with the Calgary Boys Choir, and a choral clinician has resulted in extensive opportunities to work with children and adults in both individual and group environments.An inspiring speaker, Julie is a natural performer, having directed and performed in choirs throughout the world. Her honesty and down-to-earth nature contribute strongly to the relationships she forms with the families she helps. Julie holds B.Sc. Biology and a B.A. Psychology with Distinction from the University of Calgary   ••••••••••• Music By ••••••••••••• Rising Spirit Jay Man - OurMusicBox http://www.youtube.com/c/ourmusicbox Announcer: Adam Smith