Honestly? Hell Yeah

It's the story that never asked to be told, with all the details that never mattered, over 10 years past its relevance: it's the story, legend, Curse of Von Dutch. Yes, a three-part, THREE HOUR LONG miniseries exploring the trucker hat craze of the early 2000s that cemented Ashton Kutcher as a fashion icon for at least two whole years. However, behind all the glitz and the glam, a wicked web was being woven between 3 deeply troubled men who are all individually desperate for the honor of being deemed the founder of the Von Dutch clothing line. So start up the ol' time machine, travel back to the new millennium, and join us as we try to figure out once and for all just who is to thank for timeless mechanic chic fashion. Tune in!

In the eleventh hour, when few thought we could and most thought we shouldn't, we have managed to exhibit an act of bravery so daring that it's guaranteed to send shockwaves through communities far and wide: We actually recorded a second episode for November! We aren't the only daredevils in this story, though. In National Geographic's documentary, Free Solo, we follow a gentleman named Alex Honnold who, for some reason, insists on repeatedly climbing thousands of feet into the air on the face of many mountains without any ropes, clips, carabiners, parachutes, nets, or anything that would prevent certain death should his little tootsie slip. It's a dangerous, dirty, lonely, albeit high-paying job but somebody's gotta do it! Right? SOMEBODY has to get paid to wear Patagonia and commit extremely perilous and unnecessary acts of athleticism...right, guys? Right?? Tune in! 

In Monica Lewinsky's premiere documentary, "15 Minutes of Shame," we delve into the very topic that people LOVE to talk about ALL THE TIME and makes everyone SUPER comfortable: Cancel culture! With the help of Max from Catfish: The TV Show, our canceled queen goes to great lengths to explore the many nuances involved in the practice of cancelling celebrities and private citizens alike. Join us as we give useful tips for surviving a cancellation (going to jail is involved, trust the process!), fight for Brendan Fraser's right to be a decent actor, make a huge number of cancellations ourselves, and sooo much more! And I can't believe we have to say this, but can we please stop trying to uncancel Woolly Mammoths?? Tune in!

Well, it's that time of year again, all you witches, demons, goblins, and ghouls: It's Halloween! We honor this nation's most beloved holiday with a tribute to our most coveted frights of the season. First, we get positively tricked by Halloween Kills and Malignant, but then revel in the treats of TerrifiED, the Village, It Follows, Jeepers Creepers (1 AND 2), The VVitch, and TerrifiER! Join us to hear all about Danielle's deep-seated fear of living as a homesteader, our mutual welcoming of curses over STDs, and in the spookiest twist of all, that Jen would rather smooch M. Night Shyamalan than die. This episode has something for everyone looking to have a wholesome scare this All Hallow's Eve, so tune in...or else! 

Picture this: You're walking through the mall one day when a noticeably Mormon woman approaches you to let you know that she's got a homemade maxi skirt with a jelly-filled donut pattern all over it in the trunk of her car that she thinks would look *perfect* on you. You follow this denture-sucking lady to her car and she shows you the most fucked up maxi skirt you've ever seen in your life...and it's perfect. The next thing you know, you're peddling your breast milk to every hospital in town, hoping to accrue the capital necessary to buy into the maxi skirt business and start schilling them yourself on Facebook Live. The money starts rolling in and you're living the dream, taking pictures with Mario Lopez and getting even closer to finally retiring your husband. But then one day, you're suddenly expected to sell neon zebra-print leggings that are soaking wet and smell like farts...will you rise to the occasion and hustle and flow your way to the top? Or succumb to crippling debt, default on all of your loans, lose your family, and never work in this town again? This is life in a post-LulaRoe society, and the leggings just ain't as buttery as they used to be. Tune in!

Yeeee-hawwww, y'all! Summer is finally high-tailin' it on out of here and we're happier than two hogs in a hallow. To celebrate, we're roundin' up all of the highlights of our summertime viewing: From M. Night's new summer romp Old to the light-hearted hit Mare of Eastown, a bubbly viewing of 30 Days of Night to the 2002 summer blockbuster One Hour Photo, and other summer classics such as Marriage or Mortgage, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Sex & the City, and the White Lotus, it's clear that we had one *kick-ass* summer...and that we're not depressed AT ALL. There's something for everyone so gather 'round, 'y'all and kiss help us kiss this summer goodbye from our 5150! Tune in!

Since America's inception, there have been countless tragic events that have shaped the nation into what we know it as today: genocide, The Great Depression, the assassination of JFK, 9/11, the list goes on. We go to painstaking lengths to teach our children of our history's mistakes so that we won't be doomed to repeat them. However, there is one national tragedy that has slipped through the fingers of those who should know better for far too long, disappearing into undue obscurity until now: Woodstock '99. In the new HBO documentary, we are treated (subjected) to a behind the scenes look at the inner workings of a music festival so notorious and barbaric that Fred Durst himself had to all but change his entire identity. Join us as we ask the questions we deserve the answer to in this post-Woodstock '99 world we find ourselves living in: Why do white people insist on rolling around in mud? What did Jewel ever do to deserve...this? Why do we mosh? Why aren't more people afraid of Korn? What did the Backstreet Boys ever do to anybody? And most of all, WHY? It's the very festival that walked so that Fyre Fest could run...tune in!

It's the very movie that inspired this great (ahem) podcast, a movie that has been discussed at excruciating length throughout the bulk of our 15-year friendship, but ultimately a movie that we said we would never cover...until now. After almost two years of weighing in on topics we had no business commenting on and publicly humiliating ourselves in the process, we finally feel like we are ready to address one of the heaviest-hitting documentaries known to HBO: There's Something Wrong With Aunt Diane. In 2009, supermom Diane Schuler packed up her two children along with her three nieces into her minivan after a weekend camping trip and drove 80mph into oncoming traffic until she would make a violently fatal oncoming collision that would kill her, her daughter, her three nieces, and three other men. After her death, a toxicology report would reveal that she was--for lack of better term--cross-faded to the highest degree. While this may seem like a tragic case of reckless drunk driving, her remaining family refuses to believe it could be as simple as that, going on the media warpath to clear Diane's name in the eyes of their community. Join us as we dissect everything we know about this case, drawing our own conclusions, and even managing to have some LoLs where there none to be had. Also, drink every time Jen accidentally refers to Diane as "Danielle." Tune in!

It's the movie we all asked for but that none of us deserved; the downright offensive, albeit lovable sequel to the coveted, yet problematic series that shaped a nation of insecure, but empowered women: Sex and the City. Join us as we catch up with our beloved frenemies Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte as they navigate their twilight years living, laughing, and loving in the very city that chewed them up and swallowed them whole. Between cheating husbands and runaway grooms, vanilla sex and horny dogs, Carrie's Mexicoma and Charlotte's Poukeepsied pants, we learn that the more things change, the more they stay the same. And just like that, we ask you to tune in!

After a long, difficult, and gut-wrenching journey, the story of John Wayne and Lorena Bobbitt finally comes to an end. Following extensive court proceedings and a media firestorm, Lorena is acquitted of malicious wounding and avoids jail time. After 45 days in a mental hospital and the dust settles, our Lord and Savior Lorena is finally free to move on from her abuser and the court system, which she does with effortless grace, propelled by her mission to help women who had shared experiences to her. John Wayne, on the other hand, uses his new-found "fame" to get more experimental dick surgery (BIG botch job), does a series of ill-advised porn videos, gets hired (and fired) as a doorman at a brothel, and winds up in and out of prison after a series of domestic violence offenses and poorly carried-out TJ Maxx swindles. Join us as we kiss Lorena goodbye, and have one last LoL at John Wayne. Tune in!

It was truly a juicy time to be alive: it was the early '90s and the tabloids were flooded with coverage from the Menendez brothers trial, the Tanya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan scandal, Mary Kay Letourneau's repeated offenses, O.J. Simpson, and the ongoing saga of John Wayne Bobbitt's severed penis at the hands of his wife, Lorena. The gut-wrenching details of abuse are pouring out in court, fueling the defense's claim that Lorena was experiencing an "irresistible impulse" to cut her husband's dick off after finally being pushed to her limit. Join us this week as we rub elbows with alleged carpet baggers and poachers, join 1990s America in laughing at John Wayne in a thong, and lots more! Tune in! 

After the dust had settled from the event of Lorena Bobbitt severing her husband's useless dick off came the court proceedings and subsequent media storm. While Lorena was pleading her case as a tragically abused and desperate woman driven to take extreme measures of protection, John Wayne was living, laughing, loving in the welcoming arms of Howard Stern and morning zoo talk shows alike, Hooters, and the rehab ranches of the Wild West. He was now considered a D-list celebrity known only for having a Frankendick and being too dumb to function, and he was LOVING it. However, those close to the couple were coming out in droves to support Lorena and tell the truth about her poor excuse of a husband. Join us as we wade through the muddy waters to see clearly that a lobbed off dick was the least of what John Wayne actually deserved after his years-long offenses committed against Lorena. Tune in!

Her name has been on the tip of our lips for nearly 3 decades and yet there have been more wild misconceptions of her story than understood truths. She's Lorena Bobbitt, and in the late night of June 23, 1993, she took a knife to her husband, John Wayne's limp, drunk dick and cut it clean off. The events to follow would include a frantic manhunt for a stray penis, experimental surgery, gut-wrenching testimonies of spousal r*pe, and eventual misguided fame and misfortune. In Lorena (2019), executive producer Jordan Peele sets out in 4 parts to set the record straight and rid Lorena of her bad reputation once and for all. Join us for episode 1 where we make shaky attempts at understanding the actual anatomy of a penis, begin a running tally of the reasons why John Wayne Bobbitt is a fucking loser, establish that just because you worship and would kill or be killed for another man's dick doesn't mean you're gay or nothin' (OKAY?), and so much more! Tune in, babes!

At long last, Murder March Madness (March Murder Madness...? I don't know, who cares?) has come to a close as we submit our final entry to this month's theme with the glossy, high-budge' ABC special, Truth & Lies: The Menendez Brothers. Once again, we are blindsided with misunderstandings of the OG "Trial of the Century" but have since learned our lesson! Join us as we surprise even ourselves with a Wilson Phillips duet, unsurprisingly fuck up California geography, wax poetic on the hotness levels of the brothers Menendez, and ask the question on EVERYONE'S mind: Who the fuck is Lyle?? Tune in!

It's the very case that single-handedly killed Nancy Grace and put her in the ground just so that she could roll in her grave when the verdict came down. That's right, people, we're talking about the one and only American Murder Mystery: Casey Anthony. It's a notorious story plagued with Orlando trash, first names as last names, a missing toddler, hot body contests, Universal Studios event planning, a greasy bus-stop lawyer, an inept jury of our peers, and so much more. In true Honestly? Hell Yeah fashion, we get shitty wasted on dry ice cocktails and relentlessly establish what everybody has already known for the better part of a decade. Tune in!

"PASSION, LUST, BETRAYAL. THE MOST SEXUALLY CHARGED CASE IN HISTORY." These are just some of the subtle descriptors used by Discovery ID to detail the complicated case of Jodi Arias: An American Murder Mystery. Join us as we travel into personally uncharted territory, exploring for the first time the story of star-crossed lovers, Jodi Arias and Travis Alexander. And let us tell you, this story has got it all: Mormonism, murder, MLMs, the newly-obligatory weekly Christmas song, lukewarm phone sex, thin bangs, EVERYTHING. In other words, we're HORNY, we're LOVIN' IT, and IT'S PURE PORN! Tune in!

In a highly unadvised and unsolicited move, for the month of March, we are regrettably diving head first into the true crime podcast cess-pool. That's right, y'all, for one full month, we will be living, laughing, loving nothing but ancient true crime cases that have been dissected and discussed to within an inch of their lives (get it?) and to kick off our Murder March Madness, we are time-traveling all the way back to 2002 to discuss the Scott & Laci Peterson case. In the made-for-TV special "Scott Peterson: An American Murder Mystery," we are reminded of the tragic case of a deeply pregnant Laci Peterson who unexpectedly goes missing on Christmas Eve. With no leads, witnesses, or clues as to where she could have gone and why, the public turns its eye to her no-good, low-down, golfin', cheatin', lyin' ass Republican of a husband, Scott. Join us as we channel our inner Nancy Grace and offer some hearty and unwelcome opinions on this 20-year old case. We are not a true crime podcast! Tune in!

The saga continues as we attempt to swim through the chummy waters of the case brought against Michelle Carter with regards to the role she played in the death of her boyfriend, Conrad Roy. In Part I, the prosecution painted a dark picture, describing Michelle as a femme fatale, hell-bent on texting her fake boyfriend to death so that her softball team would feel bad for her. In Part II of I Love You, Now Die, we open our hearts to the defense of Michelle, understanding that she, herself hardly survived the relationship she had with Conrad, battling her own mental illnesses, insecurities, and crushing pressure of isolation. Join us as we try our best to extrapolate even one single LoL from a story that frankly brings us no joy. In other words, come for the riveting story of love and loss as it relates to the law, stay for the one lousy pun we managed to squeeze out as it relates to a father and son both named "Conrad Roy." Tune in!

The actions of teenagers are complicated; they are always embarrassing, often times confusing, and sometimes even tragic. In I Love You, Now Die Part 1, we hear the case against 17-year-old Michelle Carter after being accused of "texting her boyfriend to death" (legally speaking) when hundreds of texts surfaced after the suicide of her 18-year-old boyfriend, Conrad Roy. In the texts, Michelle relentlessly and ruthlessly encourages her boyfriend to take his own life until he finally does, which sends the streets and the courts of Massachusetts into a tailspin trying to navigate the profound emotional impact of this particular case as it interacts with the law, or lack thereof. Despite her disturbing behavior, was Michelle actually guilty of any crimes? Join us as we begin to unpack this troubling case of teenage humiliation and tragedy, once again pass the BAR with flying colors with precise and accurate understandings of the law, chum swap with boat jocks, and so much more! Tune in to part one of two!

It’s a tale as old as time, a song as old as rhyme, and this weekend we have a real Beauty & the Beast situation on our hands. In Crazy Love, stunning beauty and all-around enchanting Linda Riss is relentlessly and pathetically pursued by Burt Pugach (pronounced “pew-gash”…ugh) who is, by all accounts, the ugliest, shadiest, most deceitful man in the world. And although it seems that it would be easy to resist the advances of a beast like Burt, Linda finds herself swept off her feet, dazzled by his money and profound mommy issues. However, when Linda grows tired of Burt’s unforgivable antics and leaves him for good, he does everything he can to win her back, including the grand gesture of hiring two goons to ambush his beloved Linda and throwing acid into her eyes, permanently disfiguring and blinding her…but their love story doesn’t end there. Join us as we reconcile how low our bar for romance is, how easily swayed we could be by really any amount of money, and how attracted we are to the ugliest man alive. Tune in!

In our inaugural Patreon episode, we’re opening the vault to discuss one of the most coveted and influential bodies of work to ever come out of the golden age of reality television: season 1 of Flavor of Love! We are instantly transported to a simpler time when mansions made out of play-dough seemed impressive, and all a young lady had to do to achieve the love & affection of an aging hype man is leave her entire life behind, move into a house with a wild pack of idiot bitches, decorate a hot tub or two, and never wear a conventional blouse again! Please join us as we acquaint ourselves with with these truly iconic pioneers of televised romantic competition!

Please listen for a very important and exciting announcement!   Patreon.com/honestlyhellyeah

It was a story that captivated the nation: In 1995, a beautiful teacher would engage in a torrid love affair with her underage student, and though it had been told before through the discerning musical stylings of Van Halen, no one was quite ready to navigate the complicated nuances of the relationship between Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Falaau. Through coveted interviews and expert storytelling, American Scandals host Barbara Walters reminds us of the convoluted tale of a married 34 year old mother & teacher who groomed her 12 year old student, had two of his children, and went to prison for 7 years for her transgressions. And while we were wringing our grubby little hands with excitement as what was considered to be juicy '90s tabloid smut unfolded, hindsight is 20/21 as Jen & Danielle unravel the twisted web woven by an unabashed child predator. After a brief hibernation, they're back baby, and more feral than ever. Tune in!

From childhood, one of the greatest wonders of the world was the magic of Santa Claus, and his ability to be everywhere and anywhere at any time. In adulthood, one of the many burdens of truth lies within the knowledge that Santa Claus is really just a bunch of geriatrics getting paid to LARP as a fictional entity. In I Am Santa Claus, the velveteen curtain is pulled back to share some tricks of the trade as we follow a year in the life of 4 professional (and 1 surprising amateur) Santa Claus cos-players, and it’s both everything and nothing that you would expect. Swaddle yourself in the holiday spirit and join us as Jen joins the Fraternal Brotherhood of Real Bearded Santas, Danielle sixty-nines with Michigan (not as sexy as it sounds), we all learn a thing or two about combining orgies with hot buffets, and so much more! Tune in for some exciting news, stay for the LoLs! Happy ho-ho-ho-holidays!

Imagine: You're an aging big-wig billionaire, respected by many but feared by all. Everyone you meet wants what you've got, and that's MONEY. So they attempt to peddle their wares and sell you on the next "big idea" in hopes that you'll be inspired enough to cut a big, fat check to make all their dreams come true. You've heard it all and it all stinks; so much so that you're not sure you'll ever make another $125M investment again. You're ready to pack it all up and never work in this town again when suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere appears a (literally) bright-eyed and (literally) bushy-tailed 19 year old college dropout with an idea so crazy that it just might work. In the Inventor, we follow the rise and fall of grifter goddess Elizabeth Holmes as she wages a deadly war on phlebotomy, fashion, and ethics alike. Join us as we assess the relationship between Elizabeth's hair as it interacts with her turtle necks, wonder how people in Arizona spend their money at Walgreens, weigh in on science?? and tech???, and ultimately ~change the world~. Tune in!

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Identical triplets with pretty big hands reunited after 19 years! In Three Identical Strangers, we are treated to and tortured by the incredible true story of three adult men finding the brothers they never knew they had through a series of events that definitely involved community college. And if some were suspicious of their genealogy, please rest assured that they even smoke the same cigs AND all like Chinese food! You just can’t make this stuff up! Join us as we watch these newfound celeb siblings suck and fuck their way through New York City, wearing disco suits and opening tacky restaurants called—you guessed it—“Triplets.” But you know what they say: With all good things comes a diabolical experiment being conducted against its participant’s will. Tune in!

With the holidays swiftly approaching, have you thought about where you're going to buy gifts for your loved ones? You've probably got some things in an online shopping cart, plans to hit the local shops, or maybe you're making presents this year like a POOR PERSON (guilty as charged). Regardless, something tells us that few of you are clamoring to get to the mall like you may have in seasons passed, turning what we call "the mall industrial complex" on its head. In Jasper Mall, we visit a once beloved establishment that has all but been abandoned as it clings to the paltry scraps its few geriatric patrons are willing to spare at any of its 8 remaining stores. So ask your parents for some cash and a ride to the mall where you'll get a criminally crooked undercut at Master Cuts, buy some dusty fake funeral flowers at Robin's Nest, play dominoes in the empty food court, and not much more! And you might not be the horny teenager who once loved bird-doggin' chicks at the mall, but don't worry: it's mostly a place for patriotic senior citizens and Covid tests now! Tune in!

Gobble gobble, BITCHES. It's holiday season, so we're here to get fucking Wasted, and that's just the inconvenient truth™. Thanksgiving is over but the hangover persists as we shove the excessive leftovers into the 'fridge where they'll stay until they go bad and eventually into the trash without a second thought. In a desperate attempt to teach us the error of our ways in regards to the treatment of food throughout the world, reluctant narrator Anthony Bourdain gives us an important lesson in capitalism, excess, waste, and how it's fucking everything up, as usual.  Join us as we stuff squash stems with pig rectums, stuff pig rectums with squash stems, not waste a single bite of food, and pay through the goddamn nose for it. Tune in!

She's beauty and she's grace. She's queen of 50 states. She is elegance and she's taste, she is Miss United States...and her name is Paris (Hilton). In the first (?) and only (?) of it's kind, the brand new YouTube documentary called This is Paris checks in with the unofficial American princess of the early aughts after a quiet retreat from the relentless spotlight of celebutante stardom. What we find is that there's a surprising amount to learn about the girl who seemed to bear it all, and a darkness is brewing underneath the bubbly veneer. Join us as we give impressively accurate impressions of Paris Hilton's ACTUAL voice, speculate wildly about Nikki Hilton's treatment of poor people, realize rich people don't know who Homer Simpson is, and learn that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. This episode is big LoLs, betches, so tune all the way in!

It all started out innocently enough: A cartoon of a stoned humanoid frog named Pepe peeing into a toilet began circulating the internet amongst artists and weight lifters alike, as they echoed to his simple and relatable statement that [it] "Feels Good, Man."  But when nice-guy Matt Furie uploaded his innocuous comic strip to Myspace in 2008, little did he know he would unexpectedly and accidentally change the course of life as we knew it...literally. When the virginal demons of 4Chan got their grubby little Cheeto-logged paws on the Pepe the Frog cartoon, they did what they do with most things, like relationships & job opportunities: Ruined it! They began manipulating images of the dopey frog to promote things like violence & hatred towards women and minorities, which spread like wildfire and were eventually adopted as a symbol of the "Alt-Right" white supremacists that mobilized to get Donald Trump elected. Join us as we go on the campaign trail to free Pepe from the clutches of the oppressors, fighting for his right to drawn as the bong-tokin', pizza-eatin', peace-lovin' dude he was meant to be!

Every October, the scares and screams of Halloween are difficult to escape. Ghouls, ghosts, witches, and demons haunt the streets, giving us a fright at every corner! However, the rough and tumble citizens of Cedar Hill, Texas ain't scared of no stinkin' skeletons and Frankensteins; they laugh in the face of vampires and werewolves, yessiree. Now, if you really want to get a bunch of evangelical Texans shakin' in their boots, you take them to a small rave, or introduce them to a gay person. And if you really want to freak them the fuck out, the mere notion of pre-marital sex will have them running in fear. In Hell House, these are the themes explored throughout a homemade, church-sanctioned haunted house that attracts tens of thousands of horrified guests per year. Try to be brave and join us as we re-enter the post-9/11 Bush era, where it's always the victim's fault and eternal damnation is the punishment! Tune in!

It's a digital folklore tale as old as time: Not so long ago, in a simpler time, a pandemic would break out from the swampy streets of Florida unlike any we've seen before or since. Suddenly, creepy clowns were plaguing the streets and the internet alike, terrorizing stupid kids and obnoxious teenagers all throughout the nation (but mostly Texas). However, this mania couldn't be traced back to a bat or mosquito, but instead a sudden influx of ominous stickers featuring a melty clown face with a message reading: "WRINKLES THE CLOWN 407-734-0254." Join us as we follow the man behind the mask, witnessing a day in the life of a retired, liver-spotted van dweller who lives off a steady diet of Natural Ice, titty bars, frozen dinners, and 3,845 daily voicemails from parents begging them to come kill their kids. It's not depressing or stupid at all, we promise!

During this entire lifetime you've spent on Earth, do you ever find yourself searching for more? Are there untapped desires within yourself that you have yet to explore? Were your grades TOO good in school? Have you ever been famously addicted to huffing computer duster? Is your wife an addiction specialist? Have you ever just NOT wanted to play football?? If you can answer "yes" to any of the aforementioned questions, rest assured that there's an exclusive collective of sadists eager and willing to give you more (???????) in the Blackout Experiments. That's right people, for the low, low price of $50.00 a session, you can pay a bunch of strangers to strip you naked, waterboard you for hours, tell you that your dad doesn't love you, and spit you out onto the streets wearing nothing but a trash bag! And while that may sound pretty similar to every other blackout you've had, did you ever stop to consider the artistic properties of your shame? If you're thinking that there really aren't any and that there's got to be better ways to face your demons, we agree! Tune in!

The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! And when it comes to exorcising a demon from your body and/or sitting through the entirety of The Devil & Father Amorth, truly only the power of Christ can compel you to do so. 43 years after its release date, The Exorcist director William Friedkin crawled out of the retirement community he was placed in to try his hand at documentary filmmaking, and gave us...this. Guys, it's the worst documentary we've ever covered, and is therefore a true autumnal cornucopia of LoLs, tricks, and minimal treats. Join us as we schedule a routine procedure exorcism in a carpeted office room sometime midday, where an antique man will incoherently mumble Bible verses (or, you know, whatever) in our ears and MAYBE scare these demons off once and for all. Spoiler alert: It won't work! Tune in!

Many-if not most- people dedicate their lives to securing a spot in Heaven, and more importantly, avoiding an eternal sentence in Hell. Now, what these God-fearing folks don't know is that there is a place on Earth much more evil than any depiction of Hell, where all the demons and douchebag filmmakers go to wreak havoc, and that place is Gary, Indiana. In Demon House, we are treated to a $22M rendezvous with the Devil himself, shepherded by his Monster-fueled henchman named Z-A-K. Join us as we discuss the parallels between being possessed and just being a teenager, the parallels between being possessed and just being a white guy from the midwest, the parallels between being possessed and just being drunk, and so much more (including a riveting sidebar on the tapetum lucidum!) Don't miss out!

Yeeee-haw, girls! It’s that time of year again in Sweetwater, TX. where the birds are chirpin’, the season is changin’, and the rattlers are rattlin’, just waitin’ to be rounded up, beheaded, and ceremoniously skinned alive! That’s right, y’all, it’s the annual Rattlesnake Roundup and along with the ritualistic genocide of any and all nearby rattlesnakes, a new flock of hopeful young ladies lines up to participate in the yearly Miss Snake Charmer beauty pageant. Please join us as we explore the rights of teen pharmacists, forget who Mike Pence is, reveal ourselves to be utterly talentless, and finally learn that maybe, just maybe, snakes IS one of us. Tune in!

Well, sheeeit. We're headin' on down south to run a-goddamn-mok with the most rootin', tootin', Mad Dog-shootin' specimen known to man: the Florida Man. Joined by a bona fide Florida Man himself, Rhett Anderson is back to shed some light on the land from which they hail, and we quickly learn that the mean streets of Pensacola to Daytona ain't for everybody. Crack open a cold one and tune in as we consider the logistics of "doin' it" on a rotten beam under a pier, shad ourselves, refuse the combination of socks and sandals once and for all, and SO MUCH MORE. And for your ultimate listening pleasure, please watch Florida Man on YouTube and do not listen to this episode sober...please.

Kowabunga, dude! Welcome to Action Park, where the water is dangerously cold, ALL employees are underage, the rides WILL kill you, and the beer flows like blood down a poorly constructed alpine slide! Built by teenagers and funded by a disgraced Wall Street scammer, Action Park was the premier location for horny teens to drunkenly pressure each other into death-defying acts of amusement park bravery, or unfortunately run the risk of being called a "pussy"...and they LOVED IT. It was a lawless land with only two unspoken rules: 1) You have to pay to get in or else you get electrocuted by a cattle prod and 2) If you get violently injured or die, you better not sue. What's not to like?! Now--and hear us out--we suspect this lewd oasis posed a host of problems that, in hindsight, are as clear as a freshly-filled wave pool, and we're diving in. Tune in!

In our most profound act of dignified journalism to date, we sit down with the star and directors of one of the most popular documentaries we've covered to date: SOAP or DIE. First, tune in to hear the one and only Ryan Jaunzemis wax poetic about wearing a mask at Buffalo Wild Wings, new projects he has in the works (and yes, they do involve rhythmic gymnastics), give dating advice to Juggalos, and SO much more. Then, at the 43:10 mark, listen in as we clown around with directors Logan Shillinglaw IV and Grey Keith, covering topics such as LARPing, Catfishing, the biggest Soap shoes ever made, and of course the inside scoop on how one of the greatest documentaries of our time was made. DO NOT MISS THIS EPISODE! And Chris Morris, if you're reading this, we were just joking around!

THE END IS NEAR! THE END IS NEAR! YOU MUST REPENT! THE END IS NEAR! Or, like, it was. Once upon a time--almost a whole decade ago--there was a smallish group of people who believed that on May 21, 2011, the Earth and all the graves on it would open up for God to rescue all of the worthy souls to take to Heaven and leave all the sinners to endure 5 months of utter destruction. ***SPOILER ALERT*** That didn't happen. In Wheat & Tares, we follow a group of families preparing for the end by spending every last penny they've ever made and burning every last bridge they ever built in the hopes of being the chosen ones swept right out of their clothes and up to Heaven. Join us this week as we attempt to check the math of an actual dinosaur skin walker, present M. Night Shayamalan with the opportunity of a lifetime, swim in lava, and a whole bunch more. Tune in...or else!

At long last, the final episode of our first annual limited series Apologust is here. On the last stop of the Apology Tour 2020, we make a wonderfully sloppy attempt at total forgiveness by bringing up all the things we just hoped you'd forget about, and even drag in our one and only guest to beg for mercy. Tune in one last time, and please accept our humble apologies!

1969 was an iconic year in American history. From it spawned the Summer of Love, Woodstock, the Charles Manson murders, and of course one of the most radical activist groups the country has ever known: The Weather Underground. Made up of a bunch of bona fide genius hotties, this group of revolutionary movers and shakers were taking it to the streets to violently overthrow American capitalism, war, and racism as we knew it through the use of homemade pipe bombs and relentless orgies. While only marginally successful in making a difference since we’re still fighting the good fight in this godforsaken year known as 2020, we have no choice but to stand in solidarity with the bravest, most motivated, and HOT hippies the nation has ever known. Join us as we strategically stroke the egos of the FBI, shout out our alumni from the Chocolate Muffin Kiosk Club, and discuss the right and wrong times to 69 your comrade! Tune in!

Whether you have been an avid listener, or have only tuned in for 45 seconds, it's glaringly obvious that we're fully drunk at all times of recording...and for that, we're fucking sorry, okay? We're also sorry for often times neglecting to abide by the themed-cocktail rule we've put upon ourselves, and for also coming up with DISGUSTING cocktails to fit the theme along the way (banana mules, anyone?) So pour yourself a stiff one and tune in to hear us drunkenly grovel for your SPIRITual forgiveness. 

It's safe to say that we have all had roommates sent directly From Hell ™ to permanently wreak havoc on our lives and domain in ways we'll never forget. Sometimes they steal our hooch, or throw away our mail, maybe they'll even set the house ablaze with pizza rolls left in a 500*F oven for 6 hour straight. But have you ever had a relationship with your roommate so volatile that you stoop so low as to accuse them of "giggling falsely?" In Shut Up, Little Man, we are treated to the voyeuristic journey of a life time, as two punk kids begin secretly recording the utter blowouts of their grumpy old male neighbors, and what they catch on tape turns out to be comedic gold that takes their San Francisco community by storm. Join us as we recklessly stereotype people from Wisconsin, cruelly eviscerate community theater (again), and of course *beep* *beep* while *beeping* and *beep*, but still *beeeeeeeeep!* Tune in!

Listen, we know our sound is bad...very, very, very bad, and we're fucking sorry, okay? We have no idea what we are doing in most facets of life, but man, are we useless when it comes to Podcast Sound Engineering™, and probably will be until someone wants to pay to send us to podcast college. Until then, tune in to hear us grovel for your forgiveness over poor audio regarding our poor audio. 

Once upon a time, a new shoe design would hit the market and change the world as we knew it. An unsuspecting sneaker adorned with a plastic plate cupping the bottom of the bridge, allowing its master to effortlessly grind on curbs, rails, picnic tables, and virtually any long object with a hard edge that you can imagine; and they were called Soap shoes. Suddenly skateboarders and rollerbladers were forced watch from the sidelines as Soapers ruled the rails of the skatepark and streets alike, led by their fearless king, Ryan Jaunzemis. In Soap or Die, we follow the first (only?) and last professional Soaper as he describes his thrilling life before and during Soap, and his shameful fall from grace after sending a hateful email that would shock the Soap community (and his mom) forever. You might be wondering what could be left for a disgraced Soaper after the company shuttered, and we're here to tell you that it most certainly involves getting banned from the UK, releasing a single called "Poppin' Dem Motorollas," becoming a pick-up artist in Vegas, and not much more. But what happens when fate allows you to don another pair of plastic-plated sneakers all these years later? Tune in and find out!

In the first installment of our limited series, Apologust, we attempt to make amends with virgins and flumpy dumpers once and for all, and boy, do we have a lot to atone for. We hope you tune in, and accept our heart-felt apology that we will probably have to apologize for in the future. 

Through the years, the music industry has produced some pretty infamous couples: Sonny & Cher, Sid & Nancy, J.Lo & Puff Daddy, and of course Kurt & Courtney, whose tragic demise would ROCK the world (get it, guys? Because they were rockers in rock bands. Nirvana and Hole. Rockers…rocking the world). When Kurt Cobain was found dead with a bullet wound to the head on April 8th, 1994, many believed that Kurt had succumbed to the demons of his depression and heroin abuse by taking his own life.  However, when a limp-dick BBC reporter starts poking around the mean streets of Washington looking for answers surrounding Kurt’s death, he uncovers a widespread hatred for his wife, Courtney and is compelled to get everyone in the world who ever met her to talk as much shit about her on camera as possible (journalism!) This week, Jen & Danielle do their best to stay on topic despite extensive sidebars on krautrock, Dave Grohl’s likability, the differences between a shock JOCK and a shock ROCKer, and generally just fucking hating this stupid movie. If you want to hear their extensive, long-winded opinions on a topic they couldn’t really care less about, and maybe even have a bunch of LOLs along the way, tune all the way in! 

Lights! Camera! Action! It’s pilot season in Hollywood, baby, and the streets are flooded with young hopefuls willing to sell their souls for a big break—or really any work you’d be willing give them for any amount of money (please). In The Hollywood Complex, we follow some of the desperate parents putting their children, homes, families, jobs, financial security, dignity, pride, integrity, etc. all on the line to move into dumpy studio apartments in search of Hollywood STARDOM! It’s a dog eat dog world out there, as we learn that the life of a struggling child star consists of lousy continental breakfasts, Diet Coke, and pretend Oscar speeches at best, and racial profiling, utter rejection, traumatizing coaching, and wayyyyyy too many hot dogs at worst. As two HIGHLY sought-after, very FAMOUS, and RICH Hollywood virtuosos, Jen and Danielle are ready to pull back the curtain and show how the sausage gets eaten—or made, or whatever. Tune in!

Guys! We have pretty decent sound quality this week! Too bad it’s wasted on this absolute snooze-fest of a documentary, Team Foxcatcher!  This may come as a shock to some of you, but we don’t know shit about Olympic wrestling, being rich, or really anything that men do, in general. Never fear, though, because we are still fully willing to give our uninformed opinions on (water) polo, athletic philanthropy, “American royalty,” and lots more! Please tune in for the most homoerotic venture into the lamest documentary neither of us could stay awake for to date! Exclamation point!

Hear ye, hear ye! Do you enjoy dressing up from head to toe in felt? Do you spend countless hours practicing your sword-wielding prowess in your mom’s backyard? Do you survive off a steady diet of little else but Mountain Dew and frozen burritos? Are you a hopeless virgin? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, we have just the place for you: Monster Camp! Nestled in Millersylvania State Park outside of Seattle exists a world populated by dragons, elves, fairies, rat gladiators, goblin kings, and any other fantastical creature you can dream up making it up as they go to fight to the death for some fake, unintelligible reason. That’s right, people: We’ve got a bunch of LARPing incels on our hands and we are going where no sexually experienced person has dared to go before. Join us as we feebly attempt to understand the laws of the lawless games these jokers play, consider the different shapes, sizes, and patterns neckbeards take on, cast devastating spells, and so much more! Please bear with us as the sound quality is as bad as ever, but the LOLs are heartier than ever! Tune in!