Masculine Psychology

The Achiever's Curse is a deadly one. It starts subtle at first. But left unchecked long enough, it seeps into every aspect of your life, stealing joy and fulfillment every step of the way. Too many achievers don't realize this insidious curse until they feel the intense pangs of regret on their deathbed.  Far too late, in other words.  I want to help you avoid this terrible fate…  I have read well over 1,000 books in my life - spanning across psychology, philosophy, leadership, business, religion, spirituality, personal growth, and more. Most of them were interesting. A few of them were inspiring. But only a handful got me to think so deeply that they didn't just change my thinking, but changed how I live in the world.  In this episode, I share this odd collection of 12 life-altering books, to help you answer life's most difficult questions before it's too late to live your life in a completely different way.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How the ambitious goals that require intense work ethic, study habits, and dedication also lead to misery and depression and even suicidal thoughts when they're unconsciously driven by this (1:43)  3 tough questions most people never ask themselves (and 12 recommended books that act like your map to answering these existential questions in a way that fulfills your soul) (2:52)  The insidious way avoiding death also means you avoid life (and one book that allows you to confront death, and thus, life) (4:40)  The “Anti-Permanent” plan for living life fully immersed in the moment instead of silently being controlled by fear, anxiety, and shame (9:55)  Why an obsession with productivity is a defense mechanism in disguise (most people realize this far too late when the pangs of regret are unbearable) (11:31)  The terrible trap of saving most people fall into that steals fulfillment from your life even when it's right in your hands (12:58)  A weird way to build quiet, immovable confidence by defining morality (14:46)  How the realization that meritocracy is a myth actually sets you up to finally quiet your subtle, but brutal toxic shame (29:22)  Why play can save a dying marriage from divorce, a business on the verge of bankruptcy, and a cloud of depression from following you for life (33:17)  David Tian's list of recommended readings can be found here: https://davidtianphd.com/recommended-readings/ For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it's fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you're struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what's waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more he

Perhaps the most important skill an intelligent person can learn is the Dao of Decision Making.  Making tough, high-stakes decisions doesn't come naturally to high achievers because they've been fooled into valuing their intelligence more than their emotions. But every decision has its roots in emotions… and relying solely on logic and data for these decisions is a quick way to make a decision that wrecks your marriage, your internal harmony, and even your future fulfillment.  In other words, there is a better way to access the deep kind of wisdom that makes the answer to high-stake decisions obvious.  Problem is, high achievers, by their very nature, have learned to cut off this deep sense of emotional wisdom for their entire lives.  That's why I recorded this episode. You'll discover the “Dao of Decision Making" method, figure out how to achieve internal harmony before making any high-stakes decisions, and you'll also learn techniques to give you clarity for every future decision you make.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to get better at making high-stake decisions (so you don't accidentally wreck your marriage, your health, or your enjoyment of life) (0:30)  Why making decisions based on the best arguments and logic can subtly lead you to misery (1:51)  The deadly “Illusion of Rational Clarity” that pits your emotions against your logic and results in making decisions that sets your internal world ablaze, leaving you miserable and unfulfilled (3:10)  Here's the brutal truth behind why smart people make dumb decisions (4:15)  The psychological reason behind why you get stuck making decisions (and the airy-fairy-sounding solution smart people rarely consider) (10:17)  Confucius's secret for achieving “Inner Harmony” so making high-stakes decisions becomes as easy and naturally as walking (12:39)  Why any decision made from panic or pressure will never be the wisest decision you can make (and how to learn to be still and calm when faced with high-stakes decisions) (16:57)  Use this quick protocol whenever you feel yourself spinning from a weight and high-stakes decision - it recenters you so that the wise decision become obvious (18:27)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it's fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you're struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what's waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

High achievers are vulnerable to emotional avoidance. It's subtle, sneaky, and seductive. It tricks you into thinking you're making progress or crushing goals.  But when everything feels flat - no matter how big the accomplishment - it's a sign that you're under the spell of emotional avoidance. And emotional avoidance comes with a devastating cost: Losing the entire gamut of your emotions.  That might sound alluring at first, until you realize the full cost. It's not just mental, but physical too. In fact, it could put you in the ground long before your time.  But here's the good news: Emotional Strength is a skill that can be honed, just like any other skill. But it requires approaching your emotions in a new light.  In today's show, you'll discover the true cost of emotional avoidance, then learn what you can do to avoid paying it.   Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: What to do if you constantly wonder why nothing feels as fulfilling or satisfying as it should (1:04)  How to feel your emotions in a way that makes you stronger instead of weaker (1:48)  The scientific reason why suppressing your emotions actually increases your stress and your risk of disease  (2:53)  How emotional avoidance subtly spirals you into an empty void of despair and hopelessness (5:27)  The truth about why you're on the verge of burnout, always tired and tense, and your relationships feel shallow (6:15)   Why unresolved emotional tension can manifest in the body as irritable bowel syndrome, migraines, and autoimmune flares (8:51) The downstream consequences of suppressing “bad” emotions like anger, sadness, and fear (11:51)   How to exercise your emotions like your biceps and build your emotional intelligence (19:47)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it's fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you're struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what's waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery   

Most high achievers learned at a young age that emotions were distractions. This early lesson inspired much of their success… but it came at a terrible cost: It develops emotional blindspots that quietly, patiently, and relentlessly sabotage you.  Here's the thing about emotional blindspots:  No matter how much you try to stuff them down and pretend they don't exist, they don't simply disappear. Instead, they move underground. They become sneakier. More insidious. And more sabotaging.  Worst part? There's only one way to address your emotional blindspots in a way that builds emotional strength and mastery. And it's not hustling harder, doing more mental gymnastics with your cognitive behavioral therapist, or becoming a master at stress management.  The real solution goes far deeper than these knee-jerk reactions most high achievers have.  That's what I share in today's episode. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why avoiding, distracting, and numbing out your emotions backfires and causes them to hijack your behaviors (even without you realizing it) (1:26)  The “emotions aren't spreadsheets” secret for understanding why you spiral (and why it's not a problem you can think yourself out of) (2:34)  Why “knowing” your emotions doesn't make you a master at them - the same way “knowing” guitar doesn't make you play as good as Jimi Hendrix (3:35)  3 exercises to try when intellectualizing your emotions doesn't help you master them (5:32)  Why addressing your emotional blindspots improves your sleep, lessens your compulsive habits' grip on you, deepens your relationships, and improves your material success (13:06)  The sneaky way anger, frustration, and anxiety hide your real emotional pain (15:44)    For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/    Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it's fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you're struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what's waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz   Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery   

Most high achievers take pride in the fact that they're not too emotional. They stay cool under pressure, act like nothing bothers them, wear their emotional armor like a badge.  But one day, they wake up and realize that they're a mere observer of their life. They're not actually living their own life. Instead, they feel empty, like something's missing that they can't quite put their finger on.  Worst part? They don't realize that the emotional armor they wore so proudly is the exact thing preventing them from experiencing all the good life has to offer: Joy, love, connection, growth.  In today's show, you'll discover why emotional armor is not emotional strength (despite what you've been led to believe), how emotional armor prevents you from experiencing the full breadth of life, and how to start taking steps to remove your emotional armor, so you can show up fully even in the midst of an emotional storm.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Here's why reaching your biggest, most ambitious goal feels empty (0:48)  How suppressed emotions fester under the surface and can actually cause physical pain  (2:23)  The dark side of making millions before turning 40 that nobody understands or even talks about (4:10)  How people with real emotional strength handle being triggered (and no, building emotional strength doesn't mean you're immune to being triggered) (8:53)  The “Emotional Strength Inoculation” secret for gradually building your emotional resilience without suppressing or repressing emotions that will come back to haunt you (10:32)  Why numbing your emotions turns you into a lifeless, soulless robot that never experiences the full breadth of life (16:19)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it's fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you're struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what's waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There are 3 distinct levels to personal development and self-improvement. And most high achievers get trapped forever in Level 2—never fully healing or integrating with their internal world because they're stuck trying to conquer it.  While Level 2 is helpful up to a point, if you stay in Level 2 for too long, you'll never experience true healing or integration.  Worst part? Most influencers and coaches intentionally keep you stuck at Level 2 because it's easier to sell you “the one thing” you need than to fix yourself than sell the message that you don't need fixed and you're already worthy.  But there's a way through Level 2 to reach Level 3 and experience how life fundamentally feels different when you're healed and integrated.  In today's show, I'll walk you through the 3 stages of personal growth, explain why Level 2 is so intoxicating, but stagnate, and reveal the counterintuitive approach to get to Level 3.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why obsessing over self-development stunts your internal growth (0:18)  The 3 levels of personal development and how learning which level your stuck at explains almost everything about your current struggles (1:04)  3 telltale signs you're stuck in the insidious “Level 2 Self Improvement” trap (and how to finally break through to the third level and experience true healing) (3:25)   The “stop fixing, start listening” secret that actually heals your inner world instead of trying to fix it (4:34)  How trying to conquer or change your parts means you're still not integrating or healing (and one question to help you integrate and heal) (10:15)  Why most of the deep- or enlightened-sounding advice on the internet keeps you stuck at level 2 (15:20)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it's fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you're struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what's waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

There are certain emotional scripts you learned in your formative years that are running your life today. These emotional patterns aren't the enemy. They don't mean that you're broken as a person or flawed in an insidious way.  Instead, it simply means that you're not aware of these emotional scripts.  But if you're been stuck in the same loops for years, trying harder, doing the same thing over and over, something deeper is necessary. In fact, gritting your teeth and trying harder will only give these emotional scripts more power over you and your behavior.  In today's show, you'll discover how to start noticing these emotional scripts, you'll understand how they started, and more important, how they protected you, and you'll learn the key that makes your emotional scripts stop running the show of your life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Sneaky emotional patterns that control your life without you even realizing it (0:18)  A few examples of how you might've picked up some of the emotional scripts that still control your every action (2:32)  The one thing anxious people who feel broken never hear—but desperately need to hear (5:29)  How childhood parts that once protected you can sabotage your adult relationships (and how integrating these parts can stop their self-destruction) (8:37)   How to finally break free from being a slave to your emotional patterns (and why it won't necessarily feel like a perfect sense of enlightenment) (17:14)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it's fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you're struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what's waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Most people, and high achievers in particular, suffer from a paradoxical problem: Trying too hard backfires and causes your deepest, darkest fears to realize. When high achievers are confronted with a problem in their personal or professional life, their first instinct is to push harder, work longer, go on more dates.  They're desperately searching for connection, peace, joy, and love. But they don't realize that their need for control keeps these forever out of their reach.  But there's an ancient solution to this problem: Wu Wei, acting without inner friction.  However, you can't approach it like some business metric. In fact, you have to learn to stop trying so hard, to loosen your grip on control if you want to experience the effortless flow that's the main ingredient in true mastery of life.  In today's show, I breakdown what Wu Wei really is, why most high achievers totally miss it, and how you can become more fulfilled in life by trying less.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why trying too hard in life has devastating consequences that will deprive you of every joy (0:18)  How to incorporate “modern Wu Wei” into your life before you rip apart everything you want most—like connection, peace, joy, and love (2:05)  The paradoxical way you heal naturally by not trying as hard (6:44) The single most toxic mindset that has killed more potential than any other mindset in human history (9:04)  How you make your life into a hollow void when you fall into the insidious “Trap of the Shoulds” (11:18)  Why positive thinking and affirmations are actually a deadly suppression skill that take you further away from what you crave most in life (17:53)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it's fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you're struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what's waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Most high achievers have been sold a lie: that Chaos is a threat that will take everything from you, and the only way to handle it is with more control.  But if you look into any high achiever's life, relationships, or business, you'll see a similar through line: They're quietly miserable no matter how much material success they've accumulated.  Why does this same story play out across so many lives? Because when you try to control chaos, you cut yourself off from half of life. Peace doesn't come from a lack of chaos, it comes in the midst of chaos. And chaos is the raw material of growth, creativity, love, and leadership.  The trick isn't to compartmentalize your life so much that you don't feel chaos. It's to lean into the chaos, be curious with the chaos, and gain wisdom from it.  In today's show, I'm going to dismantle the lie that chaos should be avoided by turning to ancient Chinese philosophy, Buddhist psychology, and even modern day leadership coaching. And I'll show you how leaning into the chaos doesn't just shift your mindset or cause a paradigm shift, it gives you an entirely new way of being.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why trying to control chaos is a failing strategy that will devour your fulfillment of life (0:28)  How to flow through your problems like water down a river (and why this framework leads to more success and happiness than trying to conquer a particular obstacle) (2:55)  The insidious way “white knuckling” your way through stress sabotages your sleep quality, your relationship, and your joy for life (3:25)  3 characteristics toddlers in the middle of a tantrum crave more than anything else (and no, none of the characteristics include lecturing) (6:01)  The counterintuitive formula for peace that applies to parenting, intimate relationships, your career, and your inner, emotional world (8:20)  How to get unstuck in your career, your relationship, and your life by leaning into chaos instead of shying away from it (11:04)  The single best lesson from Tony Robbins that can 10x your business if you take it seriously (12:32)  Feel stuck in a paralyzing trap of analyzing? Here's why doing more when you feel uncomfortable emotions can only make you more lost (and what to do instead) (17:08)    For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it's fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you're struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what's waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery   

If you wanted to grow bigger muscles, you could read all the strength training books you wanted. But until you go to the gym and apply your knowledge to your body, your muscles will never grow.  That's the same way the muscle of connection works. But for some reason, high achievers especially are prone to fall into the trap of thinking they can build connection by listening to podcasts, reading books, or even going into individual therapy.  This misses the mark that connection is a skill. And the only way to improve at a skill is to practice it with other people.  In today's show, you'll discover why connection is a skill that can be honed with practice, how to start practicing it (even if it feels uncomfortable), and what your life could be like with intentional practice.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to rewire your nervous system to be okay with vulnerability (and why you must do this if you want to experience true connection) (1:49)  5 ways to practice the skill of connection if you think you're not wired for connection (3:44)  The weird way your habits, emotions, and health are influenced by a friend of a friend of a friend (6:58)  Why being able to figure things out on your own is actually a massive hindrance to connection (11:47)  The “immersion” secret that explains why reading more books, listening to more podcasts, and trying to logic your way to emotional depth can never work (14:30)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it's fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you're struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what's waiting for you:https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Most people who struggle with connection chalk it up to a personality trait. They think their personality, which benefits them in other areas, just makes connection harder for them.  But this is actually a defense mechanism in disguise, created by a protective part of you that was created by an old wound. This wounded part of you whispers into your ear that connection will come if you just hustle more, achieve more accolades, or have more material success.  But this protective part of you is stuck in old beliefs that protected you in your formative years, but will sabotage you in adult life.  That's the bad news.  The good news? This doesn't mean you're fundamentally broken or flawed. It just means that your protective parts are still trying to protect you—they're just doing it in a way that deprives you of the connection you need to feel fulfilled.  In today's show, I'll explain four distinct ways this might be manifesting in your life, so you can build awareness and start to heal the protective parts who accidentally trick you into self-sabotage.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Watch out for these sneaky defense mechanisms that will keep you unfulfilled and miserable (worst part? they seem like logic!) (0:16)  How old relationship wounds resurface in intimate adult relationships and prevent you from the connection your true self seeks (2:44)  3 key childhood ingredients that create the “lone wolf” defense mechanism identity (3:44)  Why accumulating more status, value, or wealth won't fix the empty hole in your relationship (and how to actually heal this void) (6:25)  Do you always hit a wall when it's time to be vulnerable? Here's how to help an exiled part of you heal so emotional walls stop suffocating intimacy (12:55)  How to leverage your fear to create the deep connections your subconscious craves (14:02)  The weird, but true way high achievers use productivity as a distraction (and how this crushes your self-worth the more successful you become) (15:47)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it's fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you're struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what's waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Successful high achievers think they can always rely on themselves more than on other people. This idea helped fuel their success.  But it's also why their success isn't fulfilling, and why they feel on the verge of burnout.  In fact, a deep-rooted drive to do everything yourself is a sign that something's off under the surface. Isolation isn't a strength. It's a slow acting poison that leads to burnout, frustration, and an early grave.  And you know what? If you resonate with this, you've just encountered a problem that you cannot solve alone.  Why? Because the answer to unfulfilling success is connection. Connection is the key to everything you want (even if you don't realize it or have tricked yourself into enjoying your own isolation).  In today's show, you'll discover why so many achievers screw up this fundamental truth about building a good and fulfilling and successful life—and how to start getting it right.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The little-known reason why grinding your life away can be as lethal to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day (1:51)  How high achievers rewire their nervous system to be more susceptible and affected by stress (and how to reverse this before it's too late) (4:52) Why aren't the wealthiest and most successful people the happiest? Here's the cold, hard truth (6:12)  The bizarre way your friend's friend's friend can make you gain weight (even if you never meet him)—and how this broadly applies to your entire social network (7:25)  Maslow admitted his hierarchy of needs was wrong… are you still basing your success around it? (12:07)   4 fundamental human anxieties that drive all of your behavior (15:59)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it's fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you're struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what's waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

If you're a high achiever, you probably have a tendency to prioritize work above all else. Results are the most important thing to you. And all the other stuff—like deep relationships that offer true connection—are treated as “nice to haves.”  But this is perhaps the biggest tragedy a high achiever could face. Because when something hits the fan one day (whether a gut-wrenching divorce, a paralyzing business problem, or even achieving a massive milestone), there's nobody you care about whom you can really turn to. Nobody who actually cares about your triumphs or tribulations.  Worst part? You never feel truly fulfilled because you can't be fulfilled without connection. Instead, you just feel empty. Like something deep is missing.  And you know what? It's also an example of hustling backwards. If you truly want to be as successful as you can and feel deeply fulfilled even in the face of challenges, connection matters more than your skill set, your IQ, or any other metric you think contributes to success. This is backed by several studies that came to this exact conclusion: Connection is the hidden key to success and longevity and happiness.  In today's show, you'll see how lacking deep, meaningful relationships prevent success, fulfillment, happiness, and even your longevity. And more importantly, you'll discover how to reverse these common trends achievers experience before it's too late.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The hard way high achievers can live longer, become more successful and feel more fulfilled (0:36)  How chronic loneliness kills you at the same rate as smoking 15 cigarettes per day (2:16)  Have you ever felt like you should be happy, but aren't? Here's what's happening behind the scenes of your emotions and how to fix it (4:10)  The single most powerful “optimization hack” that most achievers completely overlook and ignore (5:16)  Here's the one thing all the best companies, highest performing teams, and most effective have in common (it's not the most skilled employees or teams with the highest IQ) (9:11)  How to boost the most important metrics of your team—like performance, creativity, resilience, and retention—by focusing on emotions, not results (12:35)  The cold, hard truth about why friendships disappear (and how to stop them before they do) (13:30)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Most people chalk up their attraction problems to external sources: Maybe they think they need better strategies and skills. Or they believe that dating apps are against them. Or maybe it's just that they're unlucky. Here's the bad news: If you've been struggling with attraction, confidence, or relationships, the problem isn't some external force working against you. The real issue is the unconscious patterns, your “Relationship Blueprint,” controlling your life.  Worst part? Since your mind creates your “Relationship Blueprint” early in your formative years, most people don't even realize it's pulling all the strings. And until you face these unconscious patterns, the same unconscious patterns will keep popping up and sabotaging your relationships.  But I also have good news: In today's show, you'll discover how your "Relationship Blueprint” unconsciously sabotages your relationships, how to rewire it, and why you'll be a more calm, collected, and confident person after rewiring it.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The brutal truth about why you keep repeating the same patterns that only lead to frustration and heartbreak (0:34)  How your shadow twists your fears, insecurities, and anger into a toxic soup in your subconscious that sabotages relationships (and why you must retake control of your shadow for relationship success) (3:34)  The “Relationship Blueprint” that's been wired into your mind since childhood that explains every adult relationship you've been in (and how to rewire it) (8:51)  Why outsourcing your confidence to external validation works as a mask, but cripples your true self-esteem (17:13)  The 4-step healing and transformation process that rewires your “Relationship Blueprint” (23:52)    For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

As a former player myself, I know first-hand how crushing the “Grandiosity-Shame Cycle” is. Almost all players fall into this psychological trap that only leads to rage, doubt, depression, and despair.  But you know what?  It's not just players who are at risk of falling into this sabotaging cycle. Any one who builds his or her identity around external validation is at risk of falling into this deep emotional hole, where compulsive self-destruction and total emptiness become your new normal.  To drive home just how devastating the “Grandiosty-Shame Cycle” is, today's episode looks at a real life example of how this cycle plays out. In today's show, we're analyzing the tragic rise and fall of one of the most famous pickup artists in the world, Erik von Markovik, better known as Mystery.  Mystery's story shows you just how dangerous the “Grandiosty-Shame Cycle” is, why seeking external validation always results in misery, and how to pull yourself out of this toxic cycle if you show any of the telltale signs.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: A real life example of how being trapped in the “Grandiosity-Shame Cycle” can throw you into a suicidal episode (3:04)  The weird reason successful players become obsessive, jealous, and insecure when facing real intimacy (6:54)  2 things every man must do to break out of the “Grandiosity-Shame Cycle” (or it will forever sabotage your relationships) (8:37)  How relying on external validation is a fast track to being consumed by rage, doubt, depression, and despair (10:39)  Why you're drawn to romantic partners who reflect your deepest childhood wounds (and how to avoid heartbreak in these relationships) (15:12)  The counterintuitive reason narcissistic defenses actually come from deep, unresolved traumas, not arrogance like most people believe (24:22)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Men who have a desire to improve at dating often fall into the trap of tactics. And they fundamentally believe that their lack of success is not because of them, but because of the modern dating world.  So they seek to “optimize” individual tactics involved in modern dating—fixing their profile on dating apps, becoming more successful in their career, hitting the gym and getting a six-pack—without ever confronting the real root cause of their dating failures: Themselves! Of course, this route is far easier than confronting your deep-rooted emotional issues. You may even experience short-term successes too: More dates, getting laid more often, and being surrounded by beautiful women more often.  But this short-term success comes with a cost… It deprives you of the very thing you actually want: A real, authentic connection with someone you love.  Why? Because obsessing over dating tactics is a way to blame the world for your failures instead of looking in the mirror. But only by looking in the mirror and doing the work can you actually create an authentic and fulfilling relationship.  In today's show, you'll discover why men externalize their dating struggles instead of owning them, how unresolved attachment wounds keep you in the same toxic dating patterns, how chasing external validation leads to loneliness, and most importantly, how to actually address these issues so they stop showing up in your dating life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The weird way getting more matches on dating apps can erode your confidence (1:09)  Do you think that women only care about status and wealth? Here's why this is an example of classic projection of your insecurities (3:12) How taking the easy route in dating helps you overcome heartache faster—at the expense of a successful lasting relationship (5:14)  3 questions that break through your unconscious projections sabotaging your dating life (6:52)  Why do people end up in the same, frustrating dating patterns no matter how much they've learned from previous relationships? They fall into one of these three categories… (8:31)  How obsessing over your profile on dating apps prevents you from experiencing true love and connection. Here's why: (18:25)  The insidious “Grandiosity-Shame Dynamic” that explains why men struggle in their relationships with women (and how to conquer this shortcoming) (21:45)  How you're setting yourself up for loneliness, resentment, and self-destruction in your dating life without even realizing it (24:50)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Does your relationship feel like it's dying a slow death? The passion is gone. The original spark has been extinguished. And resentment for your partner may even be surfacing.  Here's the truth: This is a “stress test” almost all relationships go through. But if you're a people pleaser, then, well, this is usually where your relationship goes to die.  Why? Because people pleasers see the signs of a relationship dying and unknowingly double down on the exact things that drove the relationship to the graveyard in the first place. This only suffocates it faster.  So, how do you handle this relationship problem in a way that fosters attraction, commitment, and enjoyment in your relationship instead of smothering it?  In today's show, I reveal three key steps to reignite the spark in your relationship, share the missing ingredient that creates lasting attraction, and show you how to rebuild a more fulfilling relationship.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The truth behind why your relationship feels hollow (hint: the missing piece isn't love) (0:35)  How ignoring this fact of human nature sets you up for mediocrity in your relationships, career, and personal life (1:04)  Why the "Effort Justification Theory” can reveal why a relationship feels empty—and give you a roadmap for reigniting the spark (2:27)   Here's the real reason why attraction fades in a relationship (and why it has nothing to do with how attractive you are) (5:33)  The secret emotional ingredient for creating authentic, passionate feelings in any relationship (8:10)  Ever wonder why so many marriages end in divorce? These are the 2 major causes (8:37) Why people pleasers tend to resent their partners when they neglect this (12:21)  How willpower suffocates emotional ties and cripples relationships (14:44)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

When you want to become more successful in business, relationships, or life, most people focus on tactics, strategies, and skills. But there's a bigger obstacle to your success than your lack of tactics, strategies, and skills… In fact, without first addressing this obstacle, success will never come easy, no matter how hard you keep pushing.  Why? Because the obstacle you have to overcome is yourself. And no amount of pushing, prodding, or plotting can help you outrun yourself.  That's the bad news.  The good news?  You don't have to outrun yourself to succeed. Instead, you have to master your “Inner Game,” or the internal thoughts and feelings that run in the background of your subconscious. When you master your “Inner Game,” your inner critic becomes your most ardent and loyal supporter.  In today's show, you'll discover how to take the first step towards mastering your internal world, so success in business, relationships, and life naturally follows.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The #1 biggest obstacle most achievers overlook and ignore—and how it costs them (0:32)  The “Inner Game” secret that only the world's most successful and fulfilled people understand (1:39)  How a tennis coach can show you how to be a better leader, a better husband, and a better father (even if you've never swung a tennis racket in your life) (1:48)  Why pushing harder for success leaves you more vulnerable to gut-wrenching failures (and what to do instead when success plateaus) (2:24)  2 simple steps to transform your inner critic from your archrival to your most loyal ally (5:29)  The bizarre way achievers fear success more than failure (and how to figure out if you do this too) (6:13) How worrying about the sending the perfect text to a new romantic interest or hiring the perfect candidate for your business makes it impossible to do either (9:12)  Why preparing too much can sink a business deal, sabotage a romantic relationship, and fill you with endless dread (11:22)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Question:  Have you ever reached a high point in life (a major win, a big breakthrough, or a massive milestone)... only to feel like the rug's been pulled from underneath you?  Well, I have good news and bad news: If you find yourself second guessing yourself, procrastinating, picking fights with loved ones, or just a sinking, uneasy feeling that shows up whenever an opportunity knocks on your door, you might be going through the “Upper Limit Problem.”  The “Upper Limit Problem” happens when emotional energies from your childhood (and sometimes, from your parents', grandparents', and even ancestors' childhoods) creates a heavy cloud over your emotional mind. It's vague, yet oppressive. And it can sabotage relationships, suffocate success, and stifle fulfillment and freedom.  But here's the good news:  You don't have to carry these burdens—whether they stem from your own experience or from generational fear and beliefs. And I show you exactly how to start this process of unburdening yourself in this episode.  Ready to remove these invisible limits, open up more opportunities, and unlock a deeper, more lasting sense of joy, love and fulfillment? Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The insidious, invisible force that pulls the rug from under you every time you achieve a new milestone (and how to break free from its wrath) (0:44)  How "unattached burdens” from your parents' childhoods can sabotage your relationships, limit your career opportunities, and keep you stuck in a loop of frustration (3:03)  The historical reason behind why Asian parents have a tendency to downplay their children's success (4:31)  Do you ever feel a weird heaviness overtake you whenever you get close to a big opportunity? Here's why this happens and how to prevent it (5:35)  5 examples of how the “Upper Limit Problem” manifests in your adult life (if you notice yourself doing any of these, here's what to do…) (7:53)  How to release the unattached burdens your subconscious picked up from generational fears or beliefs that prevent you from living a truly fulfilling life (16:32)  Why well-meaning, but misguided messages from childhood can cripple and hinder your success today (20:51)  Is your business stuck in a cycle of withering instead of growing? Here's one unusual way to grow your business by 50% (24:09)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

When your team, family, and friends rely on you for everything, and you don't know how to say no, then you're on a path of self-destruction.  Why? Because an inability to set boundaries and assert yourself stems from toxic shame you picked up at some point in your life. If you don't address this toxic shame, burn out, resentment, and self-loathing follow.  That's the bad news.  The good news? While learning how to assert yourself might not be the easiest thing you do, it's possible. And today's episode is your first step towards reversing your toxic shame, figuring out how to set boundaries without feeling guilty, and creating space for tremendous growth.  Tired of feeling exhausted because you're saying yes to everything? Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The most single most insidious word that causes good husbands and leaders to snap, burn out, and spiral into resentment and self-loathing (0:55)  How to tell if you have a healthy or toxic form of shame (2:51)  The sneaky way toxic shame sabotages your confidence, assertiveness, and self-respect (5:03)  Try this simple exercise the next time you feel guilty about setting a boundary (6:37)  Why avoiding asserting yourself sends you down a wicked toxic loop of resentment and burn out (and practical ways to better assert yourself) (14:13)  The “broken record” technique for setting boundaries if it usually makes you uncomfortable (16:14)  Ask your inner critic these questions next time you hear it to siphon away its power (19:29)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Most people never stop to question today's topic. But it silently poisons relationships, teams, and even your own peace of mind.  Worst part? It masquerades as an innocent and harmless way to blow off steam. But it actually erodes trust, creates drama, and keeps pressing problems unresolved.  Of course, we're talking about gossip today. Not only is it harmful to anyone you gossip to and about, but it's insidious to you too.  In today's show, you'll discover the real cost of gossip, the truth behind why we gossip (and how to fix it), and most importantly, how to break the vicious cycle of gossip and stop it from undermining your relationships, your career, and your life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: This seemingly harmless habit chips away at your integrity, trust, and conscience (0:50)  Why gossipping is one of the biggest red flags you or a potential partner could have (2:37)  3 hidden reasons for why you gossip—and how to stop before it sabotages your trust and integrity (4:31)  The weird short-term benefits of gossiping and how it causes irreversible long-term damage (6:20)  How gossip dupes you into believing you're resolving conflict when you're actually just fanning the flames (9:41)  The obvious, yet difficult alternative to gossip that strengthens relationships instead of tears them apart (12:35)  The “Strike When The Iron's Cold” secret to making tough conversations easier than gossiping (13:25)  How to cultivate a gossip-free zone in your personal and professional life (17:56)  One question that almost instantly turns complaining into problem-solving and stops you (and others) from gossiping (18:46)   For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

A messy breakup or divorce can cause devastating trickle down consequences when you don't learn how to rebuild your trust.  But many people wrongly believe that time can heal all wounds. But this passive approach leads you down a road of fear, resentment, and isolation.  Why?  The truth is that time does not heal emotional wounds. And expecting it to will only trick you into repeating the same patterns that resulted in a messy breakup in the first place.  While this process won't be easy, it's possible. And when you follow the 5 steps I lay out in today's show, then not only create a foundation for a fulfilling relationship, but this growth will ripple into every area of your life.  Ready for the next chapter of your life to be one of purpose, connection and joy?  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: 3 devastating consequences that happen when you fail to rebuild trust after suffering a deep, emotional wound (0:48)  Why relying on time alone to heal yourself is a failed strategy that fills you with misery (and how to actually heal yourself) (1:25)  The “Post-Relationship Analysis” secret for using a breakup to make your next relationship more fulfilling, lasting, and healthier (3:23) Why your intuition crumbles after a difficult breakup—and one simple technique to strengthen your intuitions (6:31)    How holding onto negative emotions like betrayal, humiliation, and bitterness after a breakup silently sabotages your next relationship (13:34)  Why you must forgive people who wronged you if you want to lead a healthy and fulfilling life (15:34)  The counterintuitive reason fully feeling your worst emotions makes them evaporate instead of controlling you (17:43)  How to avoid falling into old patterns that undermined your past relationships (23:08)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Do you struggle making tough decisions because indecision is easier? While this is something everyone confronts at one point or another, it comes with a steep cost:  While indecision might feel like it provides relief in the short term, it eventually erodes your confidence, your relationships, and your ability to lead. It also creates a ripple effect that extends to every other aspect of your life.  Worst part? Indecision is a slow poison and you might not realize the sabotaging effects it has immediately. In fact, it's common to only realize its effects until it's too late: After you're served divorce papers, get laid off from your job, or realize you hate the life you've created for yourself.  But it doesn't have to be this way. There are three key steps to becoming more decisive, so you can avoid the gut-wrenching pain that always comes with indecision.  And by the end of this episode, you'll know exactly how to do this.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: This “invisible power” is your most valuable tool for creating the life you want (2:18)  The single biggest mistake you're making in your relationship that leads to regret, resentment, stagnation, and breaking up (3:13) How imperfect and even downright incorrect decisions are better for your mental health, career, and marriage than avoiding decisions (4:52)   Why “keeping the peace” in your relationship is a surefire way to get handed divorce papers (8:10)  3 ways to hone “Radical Responsibility” that allow you to take full control over your relationships, career, and life (10:31) The insidious "Death Anxiety” trap many people fall into that slowly poisons their fulfillment of life (and how to overcome this psychological fear) (14:15)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Going through a breakup or recovering from a divorce is one of the most emotionally complex experiences you'll ever face.  It's always messy and layered. And if you don't approach it with the right mindset, you'll fall back into the old patterns and habits that destroyed your previous relationships.  That's the bad news.  The good news?  Not only are emotions temporary and fleeting, including the entire grieving process, but it's possible to rebuild your life and relationships in a way that ensures long-term success in your next relationship.  It won't be easy. I know this from my own divorce. But it's possible.  And you know what?  By the end of this episode, you'll understand exactly what it takes to turn the pain of your breakup into fuel for your personal growth. You'll be equipped to rebuild yourself from the ground up, not just so you can get over it, but so that you can step into your next chapter of your life with confidence, clarity and freedom. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why rushing into your next relationship after a divorce or break up is a recipe for a similar outcome (and what to do instead to fully heal yourself first) (1:20)  How relying on time alone to heal deep emotional wounds sabotages your ability to connect with others (1:50)   The 5 stages of a relationship—and how to master each separate stage (4:48)  Why feeling like your relationship is doomed to failure is an important step that can actually deepen your connection (6:22)   The “mirrors” secret to relationships that can either unlock significant personal growth or cause unbridled resentment for your partner (10:08)  Why a relationship built on passion is destined to crumble into shambles (and what to build your relationship on instead to sustain it for the rest of your life) (10:52)  How taking responsibility for your ex messing up allows you to use your heartbreak to become stronger and more resilient for your next relationship (12:54)  3 safe ways to express your anger so it doesn't fester under the surface and cause more serious outbursts (20:19)  The weird way your furniture, music playlists, and old habits from your last relationship can undermine your next relationship (23:16)  The “self-surgery” mindset shift that will help you emotionally recover from a divorce or break up faster and with fewer obstacles (29:36)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

There is nothing more gut-wrenching than a divorce or the end of a long-term relationship. It makes you question everything. And nobody gives you a manual for how to rebuild your personal life after a messy breakup.  The modern dating landscape makes this even more difficult. Dating apps can feel like a second job that doesn't pay or even lead to dates. And the professional skills you've developed to become a high achiever don't work for building relationships.  And if you clicked on the title of this episode, there's a good chance you're feeling a deep sense of frustration, uncertainty, and fear.  But here's the good news:  Not only is it possible to bounce back after a rough breakup, but it gives you an opportunity to build a deeper, more authentic connection that fulfills you in ways that weren't possible in your last relationship. I'm living proof: Today I have a loving family (even after my first divorce about 20 years ago).   And that's what I reveal in today's episode. You'll discover how to rebuild your identity, how to make the modern dating landscape work for you, and how to develop emotional intelligence so you're prepared for your next relationship.  By the end of this episode, you'll have a clear road map to confidently re-enter the dating world, not with uncertainty or awkwardness, but with a sense of clarity, purpose and ease that matches the confidence you've built in your professional life. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How the wrong romantic partner bleeds into your work, your health, and your overall fulfillment in life (1:00)  Where to start after a crushing divorce or end to a long-term relationship to rebuild your personal life in a way where this doesn't happen again (5:22)  The weird way your forgotten hobbies help you overcome the heartbreak of divorce (6:10)  Why unaddressed breakup wounds will sabotage your next relationship (and the “scars and all” mindset shift to heal from these wounds as soon as possible) (7:27)  How high achievers can attract worthy partners in the modern dating landscape (even if if your last serious relationship started before dating apps) (9:42)  The #1 most underrated (and most effective) way to meet potential partners who already share your values (11:51)  How the qualities that make you successful at work repel your dream partner in intimate relationships (16:40)  How to answer the question about past relationships on a date in a way that builds connection instead of protecting your ego (20:02)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Does success feel hollow? Or worse, like a weight around your neck?  This is a common feeling for high achievers who were led to believe that success brings fulfillment. When you realize this isn't true, burnout, a lack of connection, and deep sense of dissatisfaction can rear their ugly heads.  But what if you could transform your life from the inside out?  That's exactly what I show you how to do in today's show. I share tools and insights that will not only help you break free from burnout and dissatisfaction, but also reinvent yourself to enjoy a life filled with clarity, connection, and genuine fulfillment.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The “Self-Leadership” secret that saves you from burnout, prevents you from sabotaging relationships, and frees you from unconscious patterns (4:23)  This two-minute therapeutic exercise uncovers the hidden dynamics that drive your thoughts, feelings, and actions (6:15)  How to use “DBT” therapy to master your inner world of emotions (even if you don't have extreme emotions) (10:10)  Why the “5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique” can stop a heated argument with your partner before it erupts into regret (10:49)  How beating yourself up emotionally prolongs and even prevents the healing process (13:26)  The “3 things” trick for transforming chaos and obstacles into opportunity by rewiring your brain (15:18)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Do you find yourself in a never-ending chase for the next achievement, the next form of external validation? Well, despite how rampant this chase runs through high achievers, it leads you down a road that only ends in exhaustion, disappointment, and even depression.  Worst part?  No matter how much “success” you accumulate, it will never provide the deep sense of fulfillment your soul is yearning for.  That's the bad news.  The good news?  While redefining success is one of the most difficult things you can go through (especially after you've achieved so much external and societal success), not only is it possible, but it's the most rewarding thing you can do.  And in this episode, I outline the 3 steps you need to take to redefine success, so you can self-actualize and become a much more fulfilled version of yourself.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The “halfway up the pyramid” problem that robs high achievers from the most fulfilling parts of their lives (2:37)  How to stop relying on external markers for your self-worth with the “wealth from within” secret (3:29)  The “Two C's” trap high achievers fall into that creates a recipe for suffering (4:03)  2 difficult questions you must ask yourself—and answer—to achieve a level of self-actualization that transcends material and external success (6:08)  The weird reason why traumatic experiences are an opportunity to discover your purpose in disguise (8:12)  How thinking more like a toddler can reconnect you to your true self and true purpose (21:42)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

We're taught from a young age that success is the best path to a fulfilling and satisfying life. So achievers dedicate themselves to achieving, thinking it will bring success.  The problem is, success is not the same thing as fulfillment. And often, the more successful you become, the emptier you feel inside. As your relationships crumble, your self-doubt, loneliness, and existential fear consume you.  Worst part?  Success only further magnifies these feelings. You could have all the material success in the world, but you'll still feel hollow inside.  In today's episode, you'll discover the hidden emotional toll of success, how to face buried feelings before they sabotage everything you love, and how to be both successful and fulfilled.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The weird way becoming more successful makes you feel emptier inside (and the only true way to find fulfillment) (1:51) The vicious cycle of society that traps you in a never-ending loop of achievement at the expense of true fulfillment, connection, and happiness (4:55)  How success hides your deepest emotional issues until they explode to the surface (6:06)  The hidden emotional toll of success that makes life harder with each achievement instead of easier (9:32)  Why suppressing emotions creates a “pressure cooker effect” that results in a midlife crisis (17:10)  How avoiding your emotions steals your power over them and makes you do their bidding (20:06)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Most achievers who want more from life—whether in their relationships, career, or fulfillment—turn to best-selling self-help books. But most of the “wisdom” in these bestsellers doesn't stand the test of time—at least not when compared to ancient texts that have helped people for thousands of years.  One such ancient book that offers a treasure trove of wisdom is called the Zhuangzi, an early Daoist text. And while it's more than 2,000 years old… the wisdom contained inside this text is timeless. In fact, it's even more useful in modern life than it was in ancient times.  In this episode, we're diving into wisdom that could completely reshape your life coming from a source that most achievers have never even heard of. It's ancient, it's profound, and it might just unlock what you've been searching for in love, career, and your inner life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why this under-the-radar, ancient text can solve your modern day relationships problems better than any best-selling self-help book (0:31) What if you didn't have to struggle, stress, or endlessly prove yourself? Here's a liberating mindset that can get rid of these pressures (3:58)  The “Wu Wei” secret for becoming more authentic and aligned in your relationship instead of always at tension's mercy (8:42)  How to become more successful than you ever imagined by letting go of your expectations and the constant grind for success (13:01)  Do you feel trapped in your own identity? Here's why a butterfly can set you free from this perspective and give you a healthier one (16:55)  How to permanently eliminate your neediness (both in your relationships and career) (24:45)  This ancient Chinese technique helps you “fast” your mind (and free yourself from worries, pressures, and emotions that aren't serving you) (27:23)  The Bruce Lee method for becoming wildly successful in your personal and professional life by acting like a toddler (30:14)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Your earliest relationships when you were a child can significantly impact your relationships as an adult.  How?  Well, when you're young, you develop one of four attachment styles that can make or break your relationships today. The problem is, only one of these attachment styles set you up for a long, thriving relationship. While the other three are the culprits behind why you've sabotaged past relationships.  That's the bad news.  The good news? It's possible to break free from a self-destructive attachment style and instead learn the skills and mindsets to develop a secure attachment style. And that's exactly what we cover in today's show.  In this episode, you'll discover the 4 attachment styles, how they show up and impact relationships, and how to grow out of an insecure attachment style into a secure one.  The end result?  Not only will you have more luck with building a healthy, thriving relationship, but you'll also grow in every other area of your life too.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to break free from your relationship-sabotaging attachment style (even if it's wrecked every relationship you've been in) (0:34)  The weirdest, yet most proven way to grow in your career, land a promotion, and bring home a bigger paycheck (2:12)  How your parents' programming suffocates your relationships today (and how to stop letting your childhood programming control your adult life) (3:53)  4 types of attachment styles, how to figure out which style best suits you, and how each one shows up in relationships (4:14)  The “survival strategy” mindset shift for understanding and healing past traumas that keep you stuck today (11:24)  How the “name it” method builds emotional awareness, improves your emotional regulation, and helps you avoid explosive fights (17:46)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Do you find yourself hopping from one toxic relationship to the next? If so, here's a tough pill to swallow: You're the common denominator—especially if you think you've just gotten unlucky in relationships.  But here's the truth…  Until you take full responsibility for your own actions and behaviors, no matter how big or small, you'll keep repeating the same toxic patterns.  But there is a solution (as long as you're willing to get uncomfortable and take responsibility for the role you've played in sabotaging your relationships).  It won't be easy, but it will help you finally break free from the cycle of toxic relationships—for good.  In today's show, you'll discover why blaming your partner is a double edged sword, how you push your own unresolved issues onto your partner, and most importantly, how to take responsibility for your role in toxic relationships, so you break out of the toxic cycle.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The brutal truth about why you're constantly finding yourself in toxic relationships (0:30)  How to free yourself from toxic relationships by following the difficult, yet wildly effective “RR Method” (0:43)  Do you find your partner being too flirty with others out of nowhere? Here's why your deep-seated insecurity could be the reason… (3:56) The insidious “Drama Triangle” that plays out in unhealthy relationships (without either person realizing they're making their relationship toxic) (4:56)   How to take responsibility for relationship conflicts and turmoil (even if you're not the one to “blame”) (8:46)  Asking yourself this question when you feel a rush of anger, jealousy, or fear in your relationship empowers you to break free from the toxic cycle that follows you to every relationship (15:25)  Why a victim mentality prevents you from building a healthy, long-term relationship (and how to ditch your victim mentality for good) (17:09)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Nothing is more destructive than a toxic relationship. It's more dangerous than a bad diet, a lack of exercise, and even smoking. Energy-sapping relationships don't just mess with your mental health, they also shorten your life.  But how do you build a thriving, long-term relationship that grows stronger each year, instead of one that devolves into resentment, or worse, passionless?  Well, that's what I reveal in today's episode.  You'll discover the 5 key relationship skills you need to master to build a relationship that doesn't just survive, but thrives—despite the obstacles you and your partner will encounter.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: This is the ONLY way to prevent your relationship from self-destructing in a blaze of fights, resentment, and bitterness (or slowly devolving into a passionless, lifeless partnership) (0:56)  Why getting triggered at innocent, passing comments by your partner can be a good thing for your relationship if you do this after (2:06)  How relying on your significant other to fix how you feel slowly poisons your relationship down to the roots (3:00)  Try this simple “I, not you” technique when discussing your emotions with your partner to avoid unnecessary conflict (4:29)  How to bounce back after an emotional rupture in a way that actually strengthens your relationship (9:44)  This mindset is one of the best predictors of a successful, long-term relationship and one that ends in misery (12:38)  The “time out” secret for de-escalating a conflict that's heating up too rapidly (17:32)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

The longest running study in history has proven, with 80+ years of data to back it up, that your relationships are the single most important factor for your longevity, happiness, and even your career.  Here's the problem:  The reverse is also true. In fact, being in a bad marriage can shave off 12 literal years of your life. To make matters worse, most people never think that their relationships alter their health, longevity, or success.  In today's show, you'll discover how exactly a bad marriage shaves off years of your life, how a strong marriage doesn't just increase your lifespan, but your success too, and why your relationships are more important than your bank account, your job title, and your VO2 max. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why achieving (and surpassing) your fitness and financial goals won't keep you happy, fulfilled, or even alive (only THIS will…) (0:58)  3 ways a toxic relationship shaves off actual years of your life (2:04)  How the “slow drain” trap men often find themselves in erases 12 years from your life (7:24)  The weird way a strong marriage supercharges your career growth and wealth (11:03)  The rarely-talked about #1 most powerful asset for achieving lasting success (13:26)  How to get the health and success benefits of marriage even if you're single (15:36)  This is the most important predictor of your health, happiness, and fulfillment—proven by 80+ years of data (20:20)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Therapy is one of the best ways to better understand yourself, your emotions, and your past. Especially with how they impact your present.  Until it's not.  Staying in therapy for too long can turn into an endless loop of processing feelings without ever moving forward. It makes you feel stuck in a victim mindset, haunted by your past, instead of actively working to change your present and future.  In today's show, you'll discover what to do next after therapy to best move forward, unlock personal growth, and create the life you want to live.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: 4 massive limitations of therapy that can actually make it take longer to grow from your past (0:44) The insidious “Therapy Trap” many who go to therapy fall into that keeps you stuck in place (and what to do after therapy to make real change) (3:19) 3 reasons why leadership coaching leads to more growth and confidence than therapy ever could (5:48)  Asking yourself this simple question when you feel stuck instantly frees you from this feeling (10:57)  How taking full responsibility of your past empowers you to change your present and future (even if everything wasn't solely your fault) (19:27)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Your decision-making process is the single most critical skill you'll ever need. Figure out how to make good decisions that align with your values, and your life will become immeasurably better. Neglect this skill and your life can turn into a nightmare faster than a speeding bullet. So, how can you improve your decisions and, as a result, your life? Despite what most people think, you can't make better decisions by improving your logic or reasoning skills. Instead, you have to hone something most people neglect in the decision-making process: Emotions.  In today's show, you'll discover why your emotions are the key to better decisions and how to better control your emotions.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How emotions you avoid “hijack” your decision-making process and can sabotage your life (1:59)  Why experiencing your emotions, not avoiding them, makes them powerless over you (2:51)  The “8 C's” method for making sounder decisions that lead to a happier life (6:31)  How to tweak your inner dialogue to make even the scariest of emotions less daunting (8:17)   The “Name It” secret that prevents fear from dominating your decision-making process (16:18)  How to leverage “Emotional Momentum” to motivate yourself in an instant (this is especially helpful when life gets tough) (22:02)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There is a massive, misery-inducing downside of success: While achievements are great, they aren't enough to make life meaningful. But most achievers have been tricked into believing the exact opposite. And the more they achieve their wildest goals, the more empty they feel inside.  If you keep grinding without reflecting on why you're so miserable, you may find yourself ready to call it quits with life—even if you have external success that makes others jealous. In fact, I found myself in this exact situation: I achieved every goal I had as a teenager… but ended up on a ledge on the 57th floor on a skyscraper ready to jump.  Why?  Because achievements alone don't make life meaningful and conquering more goals without addressing your emotions will only make you more miserable. But don't worry - there's a way out of this vicious cycle.  In today's episode, I reveal how you can break out of this achievement trap, why your personal happiness improves your productivity and creativity, and how to stop seeking success for success's sake.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The weird way groundbreaking achievements lead to “rock bottom misery” if you have this common flaw (1:21)  A Nobel Prize-winning philosopher's warning about how prioritizing your career torments your soul (3:48)  An unusual way to improve your resilience, creativity, and better handle stress that most achievers never consider (5:27)  How seeing your close friends on a regular basis can add 12 years to your life (8:25)  Why dating a model and actress threw me into the deepest depressive funk I've ever been in—and how to avoid making this mistake in your life (19:08)  How to unlock a constant stream of peak “flow state” according to hard, scientific data (26:30)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

If you're an achiever, whether you notice it or not, you're on a dangerous path.  Why?  Well, most achievers fall into something I call the “Achiever's Trap.” It's an endless vicious cycle of achieving. Now, that might not sound dangerous at first, but a constant desire for success can only lead to burnout, isolation, depression, and even an early death.  There are other things which, believe it or not, are more important to your long-term happiness and longevity than success alone.  In today's show, you'll discover how the Achiever's Trap mangles your happiness, why it can lead to an early death, and what you should focus on instead of success to live a long, healthy, and fulfilling life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The insidious “Achiever's Trap” which keeps you unfilled and unhappy despite your success (and how to overcome it) (0:49)  This Harvard research study reveals the only way to find lasting happiness (1:34)  Why chasing success leads to burnout, loneliness, and depression (4:29)  The #1 predictor of long-term happiness and a long life (10:52)  How your relentless pursuit of success can sabotage your physical health (13:05)  The simple mindset shift that turns your feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction into fulfillment (27:21)   For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

After helping hundreds of thousands of people, from 87 different countries, find fulfillment, happiness and meaning in their personal and professional lives, I've decided to start a new journey to help you do the same.  Beyond Success is a brand-new show that explores the ideas that lead to lasting happiness and fulfillment—not just short-lived “success.”  If you've succeeded on the outside but feel like something deeper is missing, this show will pave the road for your happiness and fulfillment on the inside.  In this introductory episode, I reveal the key concepts and ideas that we'll discuss on this podcast, explore how to invite more joy into your life, and shatter some of the biggest myths keeping you successful, yet unfulfilled.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Are you successful on the outside but feel like something deeper is missing? Here's how to feel fulfilled and successful (1:10)  Why striving for perfection fast tracks you towards failure (and why focusing on this instead unlocks true happiness) (2:32)  Is there a way to enjoy life and achieve your goals with more ease and efficiency? Yes, and here's how to do it (3:21)  How embracing your emotions (instead of instantly shutting them down) improves your decision-making process (3:49)  The single most dangerous word in the English language for your joy (4:19)  For more about David Tian, go here:  https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:  https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Socially awkward guys don't get girls, that's the cold, hard truth. But hiding your social awkwardness and anxiety isn't the answer either. When you repress, exile, and cut out your social anxiety in order to feel good about yourself, you force it further into your subconscious. And when you cram it into the depths of your brain? It's still active, and it's still there sabotaging your success, but now you're no longer aware of it.  That's the bad news. The good news? You can leverage your social anxiety and awkwardness to meet and date women in your life. You just need to know how to tap into it. And in today's episode, David reveals a few strange and unique ways to free yourself from crippling shyness. Listen now! Show Highlights Include: The weird way shouting from the peak of a mountain you're a nerdy comic book fan frees yourself from crippling shyness and debilitating social anxiety (1:55) How following the “normal solution” to inner conflict pollutes your subconscious with negative thoughts that sabotage your ability to have a loving relationship (2:34) Unable to find fulfillment? Here's how to unlock the subconscious, repressed parts of your brain (and discover how to let go of the things you can't change) (3:36) The outdated, and backward idea that “ego is the enemy” (and how to never rely on stress, anxiety, pressure, and deadlines in order to get things done ever again) (5:29) How proudly displaying your superiority complex magnetizes unconditional love, approval, and security in your self-worth (17:58) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Do you buy into the myth that success alone brings happiness and fulfillment? The techniques 95% of Americans use to strive for success, growth, and personal development guarantees they won't be fulfilled in the long run. There is a completely different and unique way to approach success. And it's imperative you discover this way to gain personal happiness, success, and insane amounts of growth in your life. In today's episode, you'll discover how to experience success and growth — while also being happy, fulfilled, and not having to wait until you succeed in order to be happy. Listen now! Show Highlights: The polar-opposite method to build a financial empire comparable to Rome (without stress, anxiety, and depression) (1:20) How your parents lied to you about the concept of self-worth (and how this lie keeps you mired in a state of loneliness and poverty) (3:26) The counter-intuitive way dreaming of “sipping pina coladas on the beach” will force you to become a desperate workaholic who never spends time with your kids (11:15) How immersing yourself in “flow capital” will scientifically unlock a never ending state of high happiness (13:28) Why you'll chain yourself down with concrete in the Hudson River if you wake up with nothing to do on Monday (14:25) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

From a young age, attractive women become masters at sniffing out neediness. Most men don't discover this fact about life until they've sabotaged their dating lives and relationships. But here's the good news: There's a proven system for overcoming your neediness. It won't happen overnight, but it will free you from the sadistic grip neediness has over you.  In this episode, you'll discover the 7 steps to obliterate your neediness for good.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: - How your fear about relationships dupes you into making relationship-ending mistakes (even if you don't realize it) (2:40)  - The counterintuitive reason becoming wealthy skyrockets your neediness (3:04)  - Why women can see through your inauthentic attempts to get to know their personality like Swiss cheese (4:41)  - The fundamental human needs that help you exterminate your neediness (9:03)  - Why having an agenda of picking up women when you go out subconsciously repels them from you (13:27)  - The 7 experiential steps to meet your own needs and obliterate your neediness (20:30)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

In order to find a loving relationship, you need to become somebody you're not. You need to rock a new haircut, fill your wardrobe with designer clothes, and hit the gym 24/7. You need to morph into Sean Connery's James Bond.  Charming, handsome, seductive, and irresistible to modern women. Here's the thing: If you're seeking a long-term relationship, this is easily the worst advice you could ever listen to! Now, if you're optimizing your life for a short-term fling, have at it. Be the “player.” But I'm assuming you're reading this because you want a long-term relationship. And if you are, then what you need to do is unburden the already naturally attractive parts in you. In today's episode, I reveal the 7 steps to unleashing the already naturally attractive parts within you. Listen now! Show Highlights Include: - The “BSYANA” myth that sabotages your chances of finding a loving relationship with the “one” (3:28) - How to unleash the naturally attractive parts of yourself with these 7 steps (9:03) - Why most men fail to be the man that modern women desire most (hint: it's not being a macho man like Sean Connery's James Bond) (16:23) - The “LASAE” strategy to be sexually attractive in the eyes of heterosexual women (21:01) - How to form deeper emotional connections with women by teleporting back to your teenage self (23:33) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

A lot of guys struggle with dating for a fundamental reason:  They don't even know themselves well enough to attract a kindred spirit. Relationships and dating become much easier when you have similar interests and values as your partner. This is particularly true at the beginning of the dating process. And it doesn't rely on you getting lucky on a dating app.  But how do you discover yourself and your true interests? And how does this naturally attract your ideal partner to you?  Well, here's some good news:  This self-discovery process is fun! And after listening to this episode, you'll not only know how to take this self-discovery journey in the most effective way, but you'll also figure out how to “twist” this into attracting your ideal partner.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to optimize your lifestyle in a way that naturally brings potential partners into your life who are well suited to you (1:49)   5 simple exercises to figure out your favorite hobbies (even if you've never done them before) (5:03)  Why discovering more hobbies can naturally magnetize your ideal partner (7:07)  The “Social Aspects” secret for twisting your favorite hobby into a social activity (7:30)  How to meet suitable romantic partners without wasting time swiping left or right on dating apps (9:14)  How to build a balanced and attractive lifestyle (even if you're naturally shy) (17:48)  An unusual way to eliminate your neediness by simply having fun (21:43)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Do you ever wish you were more alpha?  It's a big buzzword thrown around in forums by bitter and resentful men. And if you keep striving to be more alpha, you'll suffocate your relationships, suppress your emotions, and sabotage your happiness.  Why?  Because the pop culture view of the alpha male couldn't be further from the truth about how real alphas operate. It's not about being feared or dominating, it's about leading with compassion, connection, and empathy.  If you want to be a true alpha and embody real masculinity, you have to stop striving to be an alpha. It's counterintuitive, but effective.  In today's show, I debunk the myth of the alpha male, explain how striving to be more alpha leads you down a destructive and isolating path, and reveal how to embody a healthier, truer version of masculinity that leads to lasting happiness and fulfillment—both in your relationships and your life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The insidious “Fake Alpha Male” trap men fall into when they frequent forums that leads you down a destructive and isolating path (0:31)  Why true alpha males are actually the most empathetic, most protective of the weak, and the ultimate peace keepers (2:26)  The root causes of wanting to be a toxic alpha male (and how addressing them leads to a happier, more fulfilled life) (6:59)   Why striving to be seen as an alpha male automatically means you're not (and how to be ok with yourself even when you're not admired, respected, or feared) (12:51)  How your desperation to be an alpha male suffocates your relationships, suppresses your emotions, and sabotages your happiness (17:44)  The “Aragorn” secret for embodying a healthier and truer version of masculinity (28:12)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Today I'd like you to meet Ryan. Ryan's a first responder with a strong sense of fairness, and he loves to help people who need it.  Those are both noble qualities, so on the surface it all sounds great. But as Ryan processed the end of a marriage he tried to make sense of why some things bothered him so much, and why certain patterns kept repeating in his life. He turned to me to talk about it, and together we explored how even great qualities can cause problems when they're driven by unresolved issues lingering beneath the surface. This episode is definitely for you if you get enraged when people offend you, or have trouble setting boundaries. You'll learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries, and practical questions to ask yourself as you work through situations that make you mad. You'll also be reminded that you're probably not broken, you probably don't need fixing, but you, like everyone else, can still grow, improve, and mature. Remembering this can help you be more empathetic to yourself and others. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to know when the high standards you have for other people are justified and when they aren't. (8:29) The surprising reality behind that rage you feel and how embracing it can help you handle unprocessed resentment. (10:33) Why an empty chair can help you patch a damaged relationship. (13:03) How to set healthy boundaries so people can't hijack your emotions and live in your mind rent free. (19:00) The clear difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries. (19:24) The stunning reason society is better when people have the right to be jerks. And the nightmare result if that right is revoked. (21:55) The only question you need to ask to know if your anger is misplaced. (23:29) Why spitting on your father's grave could improve relationships. (23:43) The counterintuitive way focusing on yourself makes you more empathetic. (27:56) “Savior Cycle”: What it is and how to know when to jump in and help, and when to stand down. (34:16) The Jean-Luc Picard method to process trauma. (35:49) The Quicksand Strategy to love somebody through their problems. (45:17) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Inside Out 2 gives you a brilliant in-depth look into your inner world. Just by watching the movie, you'll better understand yourself, your emotions, and how to handle emotions better. But if you pair this movie with this podcast episode, you'll also discover the actionable steps you can take today to balance your emotions, access your higher self, and lead the various parts of you more effectively.  The result?  You'll become more attractive. You'll have an easier time dating. You'll develop healthier and stronger relationships. And you'll create a better life for yourself all around.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why watching movies like Inside Out 2 are more effective for mastering your emotions than many books and courses (1:39)  The weird way watching Inside Out 2 can improve your dating life (3:09)   How to get a better understanding of how anxiety interferes with and sabotages your life (3:42)  Why the “Be Yourself” advice shy guys usually hear increases their anxiety (and how to get over this feeling) (5:58)  How to radically improve your self-confidence by using the “From Within” secret (8:30)  How anxiety hijacks your imagination and weaponizes your thoughts against you (and one trick to help ease your anxiety) (10:35) Why cold water and exercise can dramatically decrease your anxiety (12:40)  An in-depth look at how anxiety affects all of your parts from an IFS lens (16:53)  How to apply the lessons embedded in Inside Out 2 to real life (19:13)  Why balancing your emotions instead of suppressing them leads to healthier relationships and better decisions (25:12)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Perhaps the biggest lie spread by the Red Pill community is how humans are simple slaves to our biology. This is how they rationalize the obviously irrational myth that a woman will leave you as soon as she finds a more attractive, wealthier, or higher-status man.  Not only does this myth corrupt your relationship with women, but it can even corrupt the relationship you have with yourself. The sad truth is falling for the Red Pill lies is a fast way to end up lonely, miserable, and hopeless.  That's the bad news.  The good news?  Despite how attractive the Red Pill mindset can be to some men, it's based on blatant lies. And I'll prove it in this episode.  In today's show, you'll discover why women aren't slaves to hypergamy and status-chasing, how you can boost your attractiveness to women, and the real characteristics women value more than wealth, status, or good looks.  If you've been stuck in the Red Pill trap, this episode will help free you from it—before you wind up bitter, resentful, and hopeless.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How adopting a “Red Pill Mindset” leads to bitterness and resentment at best—and pain, self-destruction, and hopelessness at worst (0:47)  Why women aren't only interested in status-chasing with their relationships (even if the Red Pill bros say they are) (3:45)  The biggest misconceptions about hypergamy spread by Red Pill circles that will always make you feel less fulfilled in a relationship than you otherwise would've been (7:19)   How to avoid projecting your deepest, darkest secrets onto your partner (13:28) Need proof that the Red Pill community is full of you-know-what? Look no further than at… (16:41)  3 powerful tools for couples to help them build their emotional intelligence and adopt a growth mindset so their relationship improves over time (instead of becoming another divorce statistic) (18:46)  Hate getting into fights with your partner? Here's how developing your EQ can transform dumpster fires into opportunities to strengthen your bond (20:13)  4 character traits that women value more than your looks, status, or wealth (27:22)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There are two specific virtues characteristic of your higher self. These two virtues can turn your inner demons into inner supporters. They help you overcome deep-seated trauma and pain that keeps sabotaging your relationships. They can reduce your anxiety and depression. And they can make every aspect of your life—whether in relationships, in your career, or anything else—more fulfilling and enjoyable.  So, what are these two virtues?  Courage and compassion.  While courage is generally considered masculine and compassion feminine, the combination of the two is the only way to heal you of your traumas, free yourself from the burden of resentment, and start you on a journey towards true transformative change.  But I won't delude you: Developing courage and compassion can be difficult. That's why it's so rare when it happens in real life.  That said, it's possible. And after listening to this episode, you'll be steps ahead of the average person towards developing these two virtues.  In today's show, you'll discover how courage and compassion heal and integrate your inner parts, how to balance justice and mercy after someone wrongs you, why forgiveness benefits both the forgiver and forgiven, and realize how crucial these two virtues are for creating a life without regrets.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why hurt people hurt people—and how to break this vicious cycle instead of perpetuating it (0:38)  How to morph your inner demons into inner supporters through the “Two C's” method (1:02)  The “respond, not react” secret for healing your deep-rooted traumas and pains in a healthier and more effective way (5:18)  How scribbling in a journal or walking in nature can help you reconnect with your true self and heal your traumas (7:03)  Do you have trouble forgiving people who have wronged you? Here's how to free yourself from the burden of resentment (and why it's crucial for your emotional health and relationship) (9:22)  2 exercises you can do today and for free to cultivate the skill of courage and compassion (20:11)  How to react and respond better to life's natural ups and downs (without being overwhelmed by negative emotions) (25:30)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Most men, especially hypermasculine men, feel like therapy doesn't work for them. Or worse yet, that therapy could never work for them.  And I get it. Not only are up to 80% of mental health workers women, but traditional psychotherapy operates through a feminine lens that further alienates masculine men.  When men go through traditional therapy, they often feel discouraged, angry, and unheard. Because the feminine approach doesn't account for their lifelong conditioning about how emotions make you weak.  But nothing could be further from the truth: Not only do emotions add all the spice to life that makes it worth living, but mastering your emotions makes you more productive and more fulfilled too.  In this episode, I explain why traditional psychotherapy often doesn't work for men, and I reveal four ways masculine men can start to accept their emotions, undo their conditioning, and use therapy to help them accomplish their goals.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why many men are on the path that only leads to emptiness, regret, and extreme loneliness (and how to jump off this path) (1:24)  The single biggest barrier to effective therapy for men (6:14)  The “color of life” mindset shift that instantly makes you feel more okay with your emotions (7:43)  How the feminine approach to therapy practiced by most therapists renders therapy useless (and how to experience a more masculine—and effective—approach) (8:09) All men who have resistance to their emotions needs to listen here: (13:39)  This one question will start to undo your conditioning that emotions are obstacles to be avoided or solved (15:16)  How a relentless drive to be productive and successful robs you of all the joys of life and turns you into an emotionless robot (19:25)  6 ways to get buy-in from your masculine protector parts that can make therapeutic effective (and an example of how one of my clients went through this process) (22:15)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

This week's episode is a special episode, especially if you're an achiever (like most of our listeners are). Leon, a long-time fan from South Africa, reached out for a one-time session that doubles as a podcast interview.  While your situation might not be exactly the same as Leon's, if you're an achiever or struggle with abandonment issues or neediness, there will likely be several themes that apply to both your life, as well.  I treated this interview like an initial consultation. Listening will give you insights into how you could accept your inner child parts that have been filling you with emotional turmoil (even if you don't have the same exact problems as Leon does).  Best part? Well, about a week after we recorded this interview, Leon reached out to give me an update. It blew my mind—and his initial progress will blow your mind too.  If you feel stuck, abandoned, needy, or just can't get over your desire to achieve (because you're unconsciously looking for love), this episode will help you get on the right path.   Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How being a “Parentified Child” forces you to take on your parent's emotional struggles and become a needy adult (and how to break free from this restraint after growing up) (0:29)  What to do when you feel lonely on your self-development journey and constantly ask yourself when your journey will actually end (8:52)  How to start opening up and being more vulnerable when you feel like you'll be ridiculed and judged when you do (13:01)  Why resisting reality is the most painful thing you can do (and how your life starts to change subtly as soon as you accept reality) (23:04)  How living in a single closet in a big city as a single man can present you with more exciting opportunities than having a lavish house in a small town (26:53)  Do you constantly worry that you're not meeting your potential? Here's why it's impossible to fulfill your potential (40:40)  Why meeting your therapist in person is actually the worst way to leverage the therapeutic process for your self-growth (48:17)  How to stop being ashamed by your neediness (and how to use it to find the relationship you want) (1:00:09)  Why learning how to embrace sadness, anger, and fear is one of the best ways to embrace love (1:07:18)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

One problem that haunts every relationship, career, and life is falling into a victim mindset. When you blame others for your problems and fail to acknowledge your role, you remain stuck and helpless in this vicious cycle.  Worst part?  As your relationships start to crumble, you'll likely experience a heightened sense of anxiety and depression. And if you don't address this, your life becomes a series of missed opportunities, and unfulfilled dreams, leaving you with a sense of regret and dissatisfaction. That's the bad news.  The good news? While it's tough to break out of this cycle, it's possible. And by taking full responsibility, like we discuss in today's episode, you can improve your relationships, your mental health, and your life's accomplishments.  It won't be easy. Learning how to take full responsibility takes time and patience. But tuning into this episode is a good first step.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The ONLY way to break free from the stuck, powerless feeling in your relationship (0:34)  How to transform from a helpless victim into an active creator of your life (1:00)  Why blaming your partner for every argument you have hijacks your power to improve the relationship (and eventually leads to heartbreak) (2:17) The “author of your story” secret that liberates you and enhances your closest relationship (It can even save your marriage from the brink of divorce!) (2:55)  The “4 Ultimate Concerns” created by a renowned psychotherapist that can help you steer your life in the direction you want (5:45)  How to stop relying on your girlfriend or best friends to feel complete and whole (8:25)  Do this the next time you feel lonely and wish you had a partner (it's a more effective long-term strategy that eliminates your loneliness) (9:06)  Why asking yourself this question while in a heated argument with your partner allows you to resolve conflicts faster and strengthen your bond (22:51)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery