Two Bumbling Idiots

Special Guests BROOKE, KRISTIE, ES, NICK & JAQUI 21:00 - Nick's Spectacular Snake Story 33:30 - Nick Throws Up 41:00 - The Hickey

With racial tension high, these here two bumbling idiots have "The Discussion" all Politicians say take place... but never had the balls to actually discuss.

This week we have a plethora of Questions to answer from the Question Master Athena.  Then we visit issues of leaked nudes, rules to taking nudes (C'mon.... we've all been there) ... what to do if your's leaks.  Also we re-visit The Penis Trap, and we have evidence Kristie and Natski Batski were wrong when they said it would never work.  DM us for your chance to be Question Master in an upcoming episode! @TwoBumblingIdiots 

After many months of downtime, John & Chris reconvene to discuss the ongoing #DaddyGang Drama and much much more. Pandemics got nothin' on us. 

Two Bumbling Idiots record in New Orleans: Jackson Square. Psychics, Face Suckers, and Airplane Bathroom Blowouts

Two Bumbling idiots have a Pajama Party with Brooke, Rose & Tammy.  We are going on another hiatus for an undetermined period of time due to LYFEEEEEEEEE.  But we'll be back.. like Arnold. 

We have a guest... Brooke!  We discuss social media melt downs.  Ego's ... Guy and Girl talk and more!

Pine Belt Nissan of Tom's River New Jersey sells cars.  When you buy a car from them, you expect it to go smoothly.  John, had the polar opposite happen.  75 days without plates, and the worst customer experience he ever experienced.  Hear it all starting at minute 25.  Hear how it went!  Being sold a car without a title, charged additional money, evaded for weeks.... Even Nissan headquarters couldn't get them to call about the incorrect charges.  There is no Truer, honest review.... Go prepared, but John suggests taking your business else where. 

STOP CARING.  It's the first step to internal peace.  That and get a yearly physical.  Hear about Chris' latest trip to the doctor.  If you're lucky enough to make it to old age, as a woman at least ... You can still get stuffed like a Thanksgiving Day turkey, we have proof.  Also, enjoy the bug attack that occurs.

This episode is a labyrinth of possibilities of what life is and could be.  We live in an amazing time.  Soon you will be able to live forever, make money to jack off on the internet while simultaneously clean the ocean of plastics.  The world is your oyster ....forever.  PINKKKKKKKKK.

Table of Nonsense: The Staten Island Patriot himself, Scott LoBaido, joins John and Chris to discuss Politics!  We NEVER do politics, but the statement was made many episodes ago: If Scott comes to the studio, we will deviate from the Rule.  This is Scott, uncut and unedited. 

THROWBACK TO AN EPISODE WHERE WE FIND OUT HOW MANY GIRLS GET SPONSORED TO TRAVEL THE WORLD AND GET PAID TO BE FILLED UP LIKE A SPERM BANK   New Episodes Return 9/9/19

THROWBACK TO AN EPISODE WHERE A 17 YEAR OLD DUDE BANGS A OLDER LADY, GOES BROKE, THEN CLAIMS HE WAS RAPED.... HAD THIS TAKEN PLACE IN NEW YORK CITY THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN LEGAL.    New Episodes Return 9/9/19

THROWBACK TO AN EPISODE WHERE YOU FIND OUT THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF A HAIRLESS ARSEHOLE & A TERRIFIC STORY ABOUT JENSEN OUR DEAR FRIEND WHO ALMOST CHOKED TO DEATH ON ONE FOOT OF UNCHEWED MEAT.    New Episodes Return 9/9/19

THROWBACK TO AN EPISODE ABOUT SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS, SEX PARTIES & THE PENNY STOCK ONLY KNOWN AS VPOR.     New Episodes Return 9/9/19

THROWBACK TO THE EPISODE WHERE WE LEARN OF CHRIS' DEALINGS OF BEING AN ACTIVE MEMBER IN A CULT.    New Episodes Return 9/9/19

THROWBACK TO THE VERY FIRST EPISODE OF TWO BUMBLING IDIOTS New Episodes Return 9/9/19

Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - X-MEN The Animated Series 1:00 - Two Bumbling Idiots Hiatus  5:30 - X-MEN!!!!! 11:00 - John’s course on Mental Masturbation 15:40 - Chris’s course on Mental Masturbation 30:00 - John’s Personal Finance Reports.. How much money did John spend on… 35:00 - Food… 39:00 - Alcohol… 42:00 - Gambling… 49:00 - Brittany makes everything all better.. 51:00 - Wacky Dreams 54:30 - Instagram experiment:  No visible likes/followers  57:50 - The executioner pro 59:00 - Leonardo DiCaprio gets hit in the face with a volley ball 60:00 - Woman gets arrested for saving her life

Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - Elysium 1:30 - Monahan breaks his rib on a woman 3:00 - Mike the stuntman 7:30 - Attack Animals and Meth Heads 11:00 - Bad service  15:00 - Mike’s Godzilla ebay battle 18:00 - The anxiety of car sale negotiations 27:00 - Sirius XM- never pay full price 30:00 - First movie star you jerked off to as a kid 32:00 - John becomes a Zen Masturbator  35:00 - NoFap 39:30 - The Bug Eater 45:00 - The automotive golden shower 46:30 - Lucid Dreaming 50:30 - Lucid Dreaming Sleep Mask 54:30 - Sleep paralysis 

Table Of Nonsense:   0:00 - Pulp Fiction 2:15 - Let’s talk about Chris’s underwear.. and why he should buy shinesty 8:00 - Chris’s contact dermatitis recap…. Hot water isn’t hot enough 10:00 - John hasn’t used deodorant in 10 years..  what does he use instead? 13:15 - John thinks Beyonce has become the biggest cunt in the world 17:00 - Why can hot girls get with rich old ugly men, but hot guys can’t get with rich old ugly women? 19:00 - Is Ron Jeremy still alive? 24:30 - NY is trying to make prostitution fully legal 32:00 - FaceTune 36:00 - The first facetune was makeup 41:30 - A bunch of kids in China are shoving shit up their dicks again. 43:30 - Terrible ball bag incident in Florida 44:00 - LGBTQ has a + sign now. 46:30 - Don’t dilute a good cause.  49:00 - Should you need to provide ID to vote? 68:00-  Is iTunes dead?

Table Of Nonsense: 0:00 - Forgetting Sarah Marshall 3:00 - The Thrill 6:00 - Jason Segel’s penis 9:00 - John does dirty things with Diane Sawyer & Barbara Walters 11:45 - Taking you as low as you go 12:30 - Hiiieeeeee… Biieeeeeee 15:00 - Cheating 17:45 - Fight Club bumble 18:20 - BATMAN 21:00 -  Poor DC comics has erectile movie dysfunction  25:00 - Heath Ledger is the best Joker 27:35 - Bane-a-thon & Batman underbite 30:00 - The Ketchup Criminal  32:20 - What two super heroes would you be? 35:30 - Freezing time 38:30 - The dark hole of video game addiction  41:00 - The theoretically limitless profit potential of freemium games 44:30 - The snapchat filter that swaps your gender 47:00 -  LGB…T?…Q?? 48:00 -  We are spiritual beings 53:00 - Chris is on a diet and spits out a delicious Christmas cake to save on the carbs 66:00 - Uberdeath 67:00 - Some oddball “Married” a pirate ghost

Table Of Nonsense: 0:00 - Skyfall 3:00 - Remember AOL “Proggies” 6:00 - NEW STRAND OF HERPES 10:00 - Pack to glorious progs 13:00 - SPOILERS: Game Of Thrones Ending 14:45 - Chris drops magnificent wisdom 18:45 - All of John’s alternate GOT endings that are better than the actual ending. 31:00 - John’s DEXTER ending that is better than the actual ending 35:45 - the LOST ending and HERO’s ending 41:30 - The Walking dead 43:00  - How did we get on the topic of Satanism? 50:30 -  The spoiler that appears to be but never actually was. 53:45 -  The Milk Soy Sauce Ketchup Tabasco Challenge.. 59:30 - Back to game of thrones

Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - The Wolverine 4:45 - John is now Chris Henderson 6:20 - The one known as “Kwiks” 14:30 - Burger King bathroom psycho hose beast from Florida  18:45 - Burger King bathroom John projectile vomit 20:30 - Hospital Patient throws up at John, some gets in his eye.  22:20 - Chris demonstrates the proximity effect 24:00 - John doesn’t throw up in the face of spray shit 26:00 - John dares Chris to drink Tequila & Ketchup.  29:45 - John GAGFEST #1 31:25 - John GAGFEST #2 34:00 - Horrible monster woman 36:30 - Poor kid can’t masturbate cause his parents spy on him with cameras 39:00 - The executioner  41:30 - “Law Abiding Citizen” 43:00 - The Vitamix Solution 46:00 - The Kitty Dukakis question 49:30 - John’s preschool marriage 52:00 - Alissa Milano starts a sex protest 54:00 - ANIMANIACS ARE COMING BACK!!  2020!! 55:45 - Tesla Model X autopilot porn

Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - Zero Dark 30 2:15- Chris spent the first 5 seasons of game of thrones mishearing THESE characters.. 4:10 - John’s junior year in high school - principle compares him to a terrorist 8:30 - Steve Lipton and his unbelievable school antics 11:30 - LUNCHTIME MADNESS is born 15:00 - Exploding baked potatoes 16:15 - Exploding sweet & sour packets 17:00 - Vermon Day 18:45 - Top Secret John Matland high school stories 29:40 - The glorious climax of John Matland’s top secret high school story. 33:00 - John’s dating experiment 38:30 - John attempts to call Niece Waldhoffer (for the very last time) 39:00 - Oh the lengths people will go to use the HOV lane.  40:00 - Florida Man 41:40 - If you’re both white, can you have a black baby? 43:00 - David Blane is getting sued for hypnotic handjobs 48:00 - Professional Hypnotherapist weighs in on the topic 52:00 - Visit www.Shamaslight.com to get out of your own way and reach your full potential! 55:00 - The average salary of a pornstar is….. 60:30 - Increasing ejaculate?  Drink More Water, keep heat away from the ballsack and wear loose underwear and more tips.

Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - Inception 2:48 - The story of “BWITTTTNEYYYYYYY” 22:00 - John flips Chris’ brain like a flapjack with the “what if” game 27:00 - Racist Easter Chocolate?  30:50 - Coachella Herpes 33:00 -  Why are these women putting garlic in their vaginal canal?  35:00 -  Kristie Dainty Mitchell walks her dog 39:50 -  Insta-model gets her ass “certified” 43:00 -  John is a Maxim/Stuff Magazine type of guy 46:40 - Chris flips John’s brain like a flapjack with the inverse scenario 48:00 - JEOPARDY PHENOM-  JAMES HOLZHAUER  53:00 - THE KISSING BUG WILL KILL US ALL

Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - Waiting 2:25 - John’s trip to Greece 6:00 - SPIRIT VS. EMIRATES Airlines 10:45 - The beginning of the shitshow 13:50 - Don’t greek girls like it in the behind? 14:10 - The horrifying pedophilic history of Greece 17:00 - Reusing an engagement ring from a failed marriage? 18:00 - “the formula” 21:00 -  Natski Batski 23:00 - One passed out woman, two undercover “cops” and a creepy greek orgy 39:00 - Chameleon bug eye boy 43:30 - New Orleans 45:00 - Yo Momma’s (Port St. Peter is currently closed) 47:10 - Micky Mouse ruined Bourbon Street and closed 50% of the strip clubs 49:00 - Montreal lap dances are only $10 each vs. $40 on Bourbon Street 50:45 - The melting pot of saliva  57:00 - John’s plane gets struck by lightning 59:00 - When you fly back to NY but your bag ends up in PANAMA (the country) 62:00 - Revisiting the Penis Trap

Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - X-Men: Days of Future Past 2:00 - If you could earn $5000 a day by driving alone 7 hours to pick it up and then 7 hours home but cannot take a day off otherwise the offer stops. How long would you do it for? 6:30 - our love for New Orleans 7:30 - THREE WEEK VACATION FROM TWO BUMBLING IDIOTS,  Blame Greece and New Orleans and Easter 8:45 - John looses his shit on two pussy poachers from Alaska and challenges them to a fight 16:45 - Terrible man tries to have sex with his cat and gets stuck inside it.. serves him right. John wants to fight him TOO. 19:30 - Air BNB Porn 25:40 - ZERO MASTURBATION LENT UPDATE  29:45 - The history of Bukakke and the Gokkun cup 36:00 - Report: Percent of Adults having sex is dropping 40:00 - There are now scholarships to schools for being good at video games 46:00 - Let Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Matland inspire your soul 55:30 - John “Neil Strauss” Matland changes your game 69:00 - If you put someone on a pedestal, they have no choice but to look down.  75:00 - Specimen: A true caveman

Table of Nonsense: Special Guest: Monahan! 0:00 - Project X 1:00 - We are all using charcoal biore nose strips right now 4:00 - Chris takes his benadryl and drinks his scotch 5:30 - Never use GAIN detergent.. never aGAIN 6:30 - John calls the cops 9:00 - Chris doesn’t know what a spleen is.. he thinks its your spine. 10:15 - John wants to hunt poachers 13:10 - Chris’ Revelation… 13:40 - Chris’s ZERO MASTURBATION Lent Update 16:40 - The removal of the Charcoal Biore nose strip 22:50 - Continuing Chris’ Lent Update.. but not yet 25:00 - The first coldsore is always the worst coldsore 27:10- Chris “The Bulldog” 29:00 - The magical phrase that Chris needed to repeat to compel himself to ejaculate using only his mind again. 32:20 - The story of Chris BLASTED at Miller’s ale house 34:20 - John’s YouTube doppelgänger  38:00 - John’s silhouette shadow puppet dick pick 39:20 - The weird ass girl that licked the airplane toilet seat  40:35 -  Bad woman says really nasty sexual things about Jesus..  42:00 -  Weird man carries his semen around with him in a water bottle 43:50 - Monahan talks Black Mirror: Bandersnatch  45:50 - 12 wild florida man / woman headlines from 2018 that will make you cringe 48:00 - The 400 pound man that sat next to Chris on the express bus 50:40 -  My 600 pound life 55:15 - Dr. Pimple Popper 57:25 - John’s fake ID story 69:00 - Monahan’s GRAND SLAM closing of a story

Table of Nonsense: Special Guest: @idkaitx 0:00 - Team America World Police 3:45 - The Cock Cam 8:30 - John unlucky flight patterns 9:40 - How do you feel about Honey Moons? 12:00 - The Keto Diet 14:45 - Christopher’s Homoerotic Shawl 16:40 - John’s angry St. Patrick’s day encounter 20:45 - Kaitlin’s Instagram Polls 23:30 - Kaitlin tests john’s willingness to smell things 25:00- Poll: Is your girlfriend’s BJ as good as she thinks it is? 27:10 - Mia Khalifa blowjob tutorial fail 28:50: Poll: “Guys have you ever ejaculated without using hands and only your mind” 30:00 - Giving up masturbation for Lent has led Chris to discover that he can literally achieve orgasm & full ejaculation by using only his mind and not his hands. 100% touch free. NO JOKE.  Cum...finds a way.  37:30 - God rewards Chris 43:19 - Chris proves he can ejaculate with no physical stimulation… he has it on video. 49:00 - Chris currently has contact dermatitis from using GAIN detergent and when he takes a shower and hot water runs over the rash it feels oddly erotic like the high moment of pleasure right before an orgasm.  51:00 - Yeast infections can actually amplify a woman’s orgasm.  53:00 - Polls Polls & more Polls 57:15 - If you are a cheater, then you should only be in open relationships or none at all.  60:45 - What is worse?  Emotional cheating or Physical cheating… 66:00 - Poll: Do guys like getting the butt licked.  69:30 - Is Chris breaking Lent if he’s not actually jerking off?

Table of Nonsense: 0:01 - Youth Moose plays The Bitter End in NYC 2:00 - Lady GaGa follows Snowflake The Rap God on twitter 3:00 - Snowflake sighting in an unknown country 5:42 - Zero Masturbation LENT CHECK: Fail #1- The plush blanket 14:00 - Facetime sex story 16:30 - Everybody’s phone is covered in bodily fluids and bacteria 20:00 - Steak and a Blow Job day.  21:00 - How old were you when you started masturbating? 24:00- Hide and go Semen 29:45 - John’s first condom experience 34:00 - John’s insane sex dream 37:00 - Tom Waits 40:00 - Tom Waits Heath Ledgers inspiration for the joker? 45:00 - FRAMED: The battle of the laundry.  53:00 - Downtown Train - Tom Waits 55:00 - The glorious throat itch sound

Table Of Nonsense: 0:00 - The exorcism of Emily Rose 4:00 - Chris gives up jerking off for lent and guts John like a fish in the process 6:00 - “Titties haunt me, Titties rule my world” 8:00 - Connor McGregor’s advice to Chris 10:30 - An update on Chris’s fall and massive bruise… 12:00 - John’s medical explanation of Chris’s asscrack bruise  14:15 - Chris’s euphoric boiling water lower right back asscheek experience 15:40 - Chris is still listening to video game music in the shower 21:00 - Elsa Gene and her fleet enemas  26:50 - John’s gay stalker story 46:00 - Semen is healthy again 45:20 - The Mur Mur dance floor in AC 55:00 - Kylie Jenner the youngest “self made” billionaire  64:50 - Chris’s right nipple is itchy… but it’s not scabies this time 66:00 - John annihilates the bed bugs

Table of Nonsense:  0:00-  Silver linings Playbook 7:00 - The Momo challenge 15:00 - Poison Ivy…. Better than sex.  16:00 - Sex on a yeast infection,  supposedly amazing for the woman.  19:30 - Study shows frequent porn consumption increases bi-sexuality 25:00 - Bridget The Midget 26:30 - Wet Dreams - cum smells like bleach, it’s the chemical of life 31:00 - The scary types of men who stick things IN their dick hole to get off 33:50 - NY POST: “masturbating at work is a doctor approved stress reliever..” what?! 37:00 - Chris shows John another disturbing video 37:40 - Crazy California man gets convicted for sucking on women’s toes without permission 39:30 - Tennessee food delivery man gets caught dipping his ball bag in the customers salsa due to getting a crappy tip 41:00 - Detroit “drug” bust leads to undercover cops busting themselves 42:15 - Jennifer Lawrence  43:30 - 27 year old girl teacher has sex with her teenage students 50:40 - Her husband probably wanted to be a cuckold 54:20 - Chris listens to video game soundtracks when he showers

Table of Nonsense: 0:00 -  Spring Breakers 1:00 - Update: Chris has no broken bones from his fall 3:00 - Chris wants to do a Burning Man 3:45 - John’s crazy punchy patient story 8:30 - John’s crazy street lady screaming story 13:00 - John’s crazy response to unsolicited solar panel callers 20:00 - If Chris could quit his job,  he would become Batman 21:30 - Mike Tyson’s crazy silverback ape story 23:45 - Walking Dead “Alpha” spoilers 25:45 - Chris wants to join the Spring Breakers 28:30 - The orphan betta fish debacle  38:30 - In defense of Negan 38:50 - Psycho guy who ate a fish 40:00 - No more boy scouts…  41:40 - Lawsuit against Yale University by girls who want to be in a fraternity  44:30 - Girl runs over X-Boyfriends new girlfriend and posts selfies with her damaged car 46:35 -  Top 2 STD’s in NYC right now 47:35 -  SEX OASIS in Pennsylvania for rent 49:00 -  Don’t stay in a relationship that you’re not fully happy with, lest you cheat.  61:00 - Chris’s advice to a younger John 63:55 - Brittney Spears Spring Break scene

Table of Nonsense: 0:00 - American Hustle 0:30 - Chris slips on ice and slams his lower back and elbow into concrete steps 4:00 - 17 year old John is requested to devirginize a friend…. 6:00 - Privilege..  it’s reaching an illogical extreme in society 7:43:  “Thin Privilege”  10:50 - John’s take on privilege  14:00 -  Teacher fired in Florida for grading her students correctly.  15:30-   John’s high school grades - he was the best of the worst 20:00 - “Affluenza”  22:45 - Wrestling a mountain lion 26:30 -  Let’s play a game: MAKE JOHN NAUSEOUS with old man ass pasta 30:45 -  Felicity doesn’t want to marry a man or a woman, she wants to marry her zombie doll 34:00 -  Pronouns.

Table of Nonsense:  0:00 -  Nonstop 0:50 - Liam Neeson’s mis-directed anger.  Evil is within, not your skin.  4:00 - People will always find new ways to hate.  5:00 - The 2019 Super Bowl Halftime show 8:45 - John’s adventure at a rap show dressed like a blood 13:00 - John’s take on the Superbowl Colin Kaepernick drama 18:00 - how do deal with assholes 23:00 - The day Chris crushed someone’s soul (he deserved it) 26:00 - The other lives Chris could have led:  Porn Star & Executioner  28:40 - The stupidest way kids are getting high in 2019:  Tampon Soup 31:00 - The MORON who injected 18 loads of semen into his arm cause he thought it would “fix his back pain” 40:45 - Some psycho tries to sue his parents for giving birth to him “without his consent” 45:50 - John Matland’s history with Pete Davidson. BOOM BOOM KITTY LICK 54:00 - Pete Davidson is Tommy Pickles 64:00 - John had sex with a girl and then forgot her name on three separate occasions  67:30 - Back to Pete Davidson

Table of Nonsense: Special Guest: Mario A.  2:50 -  This white sauce looks like semen on my eggplant 5:00 - The last remaining nugget and the everlasting wipe.  6:30 - Uganda fly egg horror 9:00 - Woman flicks the bean in public at a Marriott and then, after arrested continues to flick the bean in the back of the cop car.  11:45 - Bluetooth porn wedding fiasco  14:45 - Minerva…. The insanely hot sexy bunny..  From Animaniacs  16:45-  Why are there psycho paths jerking off on public buses?  18:30 - Chris slightly electrocutes himself 19:00 - Thirst trap 22:33 - John’s loves Vanderpump Rules 23:30 - Situation: Can your girlfriend fool around with other girls without it being considered “cheating” 27:30 - WACKY PORN review time! 35:00 - The sexual horror of planet earth 41:00 - Robert Budd Dwyer suicide  46:30 - MEET MINERVA.. The OG insta model 55:19 - John’s strange dream 60:00 - Blink 182 sing-off..  MATLAND vs. MARIO 67:00 - Prank phone call

Table of Nonsense:  0:00 -  Gravity 1:20 - Chris feels fat, and John signed him up for the Bachelor 4:00 - Chris’s fancy Bowflex dumbbells 6:45 - Be kinder, don’t use the word “midget”,  use “little people”. 8:30 - Steph Broton jumps out a moving car and she’s coming on the podcast 10:30 - Now presenting: Steph Broton - The girl who jumped out of a moving car. 22:00 - Do guys still chase after girls at college or do they just all get high and play fortnight  23:30 - When you walk around on campus, are you known as the girl who threw herself out of a moving car? 24:30 - Kid who can’t afford iPhone sells kidney for iPhone…. WTF 26:30 - Guy from Kentucky tries to run over a snowman and crashes into the tree stump the snowman is built on  28:30 - Our plan to rob Lawn Gnomes 29:30 - Steve’s BB gun  33:00 - Now presenting: Sneako - “Would you say the “N” word for $1” viral video 44:30 - John names his mohawk pubic hair… 46:00 - “Face Tuning”…. Degrading reality with digital beauty falsification  49:00 - There’s no better boob than underboob 51:00 - Those girls on instagram who suck on bananas for attention and likes 55:30 - Chris’s final word on “Face Tuning” filters.  56:15-  HILARIOUS: strange crazy porn girl and her odd nonsense 

Table of Nonsense:  0:00-  Minority Report 1:00 - BREAKING NEWS: John’s not a racist, but he looks like one in this 6 million view viral video.  1:30-  If you got robbed, and you actually found the person who robbed you, what would you do. 6:00 -  UGANDA/WAKANDA amendment 7:00 - John gets hit on by nice gay men at the Hyatt 8:00 - Back to the viral video where John is asked: “Would you say the N word for 1 dollar” 17:30 - Florida man threatens to kill neighbors with “kindness”..   18:30 - Woman stalks man and sends him more than 159,000 text messages 21:50 - Women’s hair gets everywhere, even in your asscrack 23:15 - The birthrate is dropping because of sex robots and fortnight 26:30 - What happens if your girlfriend becomes a man..  do that make you gay now? 34:30 - If you’re gay and you meet someone on Grindr and the guy shows and has a vagina…  what do you do?  42:00 - Men with vaginas and chicks with dicks 45:30 - What if a DNA test revealed that your boyfriend was actually your half brother.. 48:00 - 23 & Me DNA testing

Table of Nonsense:  1:00 - Episode 59 guest: Kaitlin 2:00 - Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice egg nog gets put to the Kaitlin test 3:00 - Kaitlin gets mystery texts and solicitations from middle eastern princes  11:50- Women complain about dick pics, but… what about vagina pics? 13:30 - Do most girlfriends “pretend” to like their boyfriend’s dick pics? 15:40 - SEX ROBOTS FOR WOMEN 18:30 - What types of people need to fuck robots? 19:50 - Jerking off into tissues -  Yay/Nay discussion 23:40 -  Have you ever tasted your own cum? 26:50 - Nobody cums in Kaitlin’s mouth 28:00 - Swallowing Etiquette  30:00 - Kaitlin on cum-  Shooter? Or a Ketchup bottle.. 31:40 - Hydration is key 33:00 - “It’s a homosexual act, but it’s not gay” 39:30-  Uncanny robot homicide 41:00 - Two sisters dating same man trying to get pregnant by their mutual boyfriend.  43:33 - Hiatus 44:40 - Wacky shit is always happening in Florida 49:30 - Jerking off in the shower, Boy puts it in the shampoo bottle 53:30 - Fake boobs and the caveats  56:30 - Chris accidentally calls his x-girlfriend fat in a round-a-bout way 59:40 - Real Life Kill Bill situation 63:30 - FINALLY TALLY -  only 22% in the poll jerk off into a tissue

Table of Nonsense:  0:00-  Animaniacs  1:00 - Call Her Daddy Podcast? Or call her Grandpa Podcast.. 3:30 - Chris steps on a mysterious bulbous snotlike formation 4:00 - The one and only Joe Rogan 4:30 -  Toxoplasmosis  8:00 - More Call Her Daddy critiques  10:30 - Who pays for porn anymore? (Topic bumbled away not concluded yet) 11:00 - Addicted to Porn (Chasing The Cardboard Butterfly) documentary 12:30 - If you remove the inside of a vagina, what’s behind it? 14:00 - Loose vagina?  Raw chicken saves the day!  16:00 - Snowflake will rise again 17:30 - Bree Olson (porn star) story 24:00 - But who actually pays for porn?  28:00 - What types of porn we watch 30:00 - Lesbian Porn, only an appetizer 32:15 -  John thinks the majority of women have some lesbian in them 34:00 - HENTAI and FUTANARI Girls 37:00 - All the different countries and their region specific porn preferences 38:45 - Women can get away with being a little gay and still call themselves straight, men can’t. 39:45 - Chris’s accidental quasi-gay four way kiss 45:30 - Experimental sexual phases  47:30 - NEWSFLASH:  If you’re having any sexual contact with someone who isn’t your partner and without your partner’s consent, YOU’RE CHEATING SSHOLE 50:30-  BiSexuals will rule the world 51:30 - All woman sleep overs with pillow fights sometimes really do result in the lesbian activity that all men dream about  54:00 - Why do girls fool around with each others private parts and think they’re not a little gay? 55:40-  STOP EATING CHALK YOU MORONS 60:00 - Chris is a honey badger in bed

Table of Nonsense:  0:00 -  Pirates Of The Caribbean  0:30 -  When does the Christmas Season End? 3:15 - John’s vanishing hemorrhoid     5:50 - Best Christmas Presents this year 6:45 - Sega Genesis Flashback / Nintendo Switch 10:00 - Sex Island Shutdown 14:00 - Stripper Selection 21:00 - Teacher bans candy canes 23:00 - Baby It’s Cold Outside 24:00 - The attack on Santa Clause’s Gender and Style 28:15 - The murderous alligator affair  30:30 - A Brazilian cannibal and his horrible prank 34:20 - WE SAW BOXCAR RACER LIVE 36:20 - Bad stuff going on at resorts outside the USA 38:45 - Scary Acapulco vacation 39:45 - Pussy molds are POINTLESS 43:00 - Niece’s dick pic reviews 46:45 - REAL OR FAKE 50:00 - John’s cure for racism  53:00 - REAL OR FAKE

Table of Nonsense:  0:00 -  Public Service Announcement 1:00 - Hot blonde guest for 2019 2:00 - MOVIE: Over The Hedge 5:00 - John’s first deep fried brain porn moment 7:30 - A time travel journey to the sexuality of old 12:00 - What is the AMAZON position (not a stock market reference) 24:00 - We could begin the end the world in less than 2 years if we all stopped having sex forever  26:00 -  China is in the process of creating a social rating system just like that episode of Black Mirror  29:00 -  John’s MOHAWK pubes 31:00 -  Marriage seed advertising manipulation  32:00 -  Rudolph the cartoon is getting BANNED?!?  So is “Baby its cold outside” 47:30 -  Stupid prankster kids

Table of Nonsense:  0:00 -  Guardians Of The Galaxy  4:00 -  We indirectly inspired Dave Attell  5:45 -  The many interpretations of the English Language 7:45 - A Sad Christmas Story (don’t let your children list to this) 16:15 -  Chris’s first childhood exposure to pornography 20:30 -  John’s first childhood exposure to pornography 24:50 -  Edamame WORM 29:20 -  Correction: Urine is NOT sterile (googled it after the podcast) 30:00 -  People are who they are 33:20 -  Dick pics are becoming illegal  34:45 -  The gay test (Chris actually passed!) 39:30 -  $10,000 for three cock slaps to the face…. Do you do it 44:30 -  SELFIE SYNDROME  50:45 - Human Fecal Spores are EVERYWHERE 54:35 - A woman’s erogenous zone, is her mind 56:30 - Is it childporn if a minor sends nudes to another minor? 60:40 - John’s newfound Christmas Love experience 62:10 -  “AUTOBLOW AI”…. Robotic Fellatio Machine 63:30 -  What happens if you open your neighbors fleshlight in the mail by mistake?? 69:28 -  SONG:   “SCAT-A-THON"

Table of Nonsense:  0:00 -  Vanilla Sky 0:45 -  John’s afterlife PSA for any curmudgeons out there 2:40 -  Chris's Official EGGNOG Recommendation: Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Eggnog 5:50 - Shout Outs: Nicole Cleary, Dani Lyn, & Niece Wadehoffer 9:30 - John’s mom wants to share his amazon account  17:00 - Chris’s mom starts following Two Bumbling Idiots on instagram 18:30 - John’s first stand  23:20 - DAVID PATINO is now the TBI director of Random Shit To Be Discussed  (head of the RSTBD department) 24:20 - Hugh Hefner’s post humous precautions 27:00 - Ever send a dick pic with your face in it? What if you get hacked!! 32:00 - What happens when your wife of three years unveils that she has a shit fetish? What do you do now? 41:00 -  A post fecal fetish discussion 42:40 - “Anal Picking”.    GuHhhhhhHhHh. VOMIT. 44:30 - Are young people having the least sex of all generations in modern history? 47:30 - Which does Chris choose: Sex or Pokemon go? 49:49 -  Total soul brother telekinesis moment 50:45 -  Chris gets a cold and coughs himself a new hemorrhoid 52:10 -  Crazy: Teeny Bopper Magazine gives instructions on proper anal sex for kids.

Table of Nonsense:  0:00 - Natural Born Killers 1:55 - Remembering Woody The Wood Pecker 2:00 - PSA: Do NOT use OLIVE OIL for SEXUAL FESTIVITIES 4:15 - “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys is complicated AF to play right 5:00 - Natural Born Killers is crazy 6:00 - Instamodel WISHLISTS 7:55-  tagthesponsor.com   -  the instamodels that are actually traveling whores! 17:55 - Chris is now playing The Walking Dead in ADDITION to Pokemon Go…. AKA - His life is over 18:30 -  A cold reading of an instawhore interaction from tagthesponsor.com 29:55 -  …and now it gets fun… 31:00-  John’s Nuvaring story 32:00 - back to the instawhores… but not for long because.. 33:00 - Chris wants to go Ghandi on his dick 35:25 - John talks about wet dreams 38:18 -  OK, now back to the instawhores for real.. 42:00 -  would you dress up in a nun outfit whist barking like a dog and getting hummus slathered on you? 51:00 -  Sex Island 58:30 - What would happen if you actually went Chris? 61:25 - What would happen if you actually went John? 66:30 - Why prostitution doesn’t get John hard 72:03 - Christophers completely ridiculous, but totally amazing, swinging pirate ship sex fantasy

Table of Nonsense:  0:00 - OCEAN’S 11 (1 year anniversary) 1:30 - John’s girlfriend gave him a concussion  3:45 -  Christopher’s Olive Oil Adventure 6:40 -  The criteria of the VOODOO CLAM  11:00 -  Faking orgasms  14:35 -  Sex toys in the bedroom 18:45 -   Bulbasaur’s rating rehashed  22:22 -  Is Saul still alive?  And how to do “midget porn” without being a midget. 27:00 -  #TBI. -  Two Bumbling Idiots or Traumatic Brain Injury?  30:00 - Why does Chris think that an anus and a cervix feel the same when you poke them 30:10 - John randomly bursts into song (“The Outsider” by A Perfect Circle) 44:45 - John’s blackout during episode 51 35:30 - Chris is an excellent liar…. To liars 37:30 - The unspeakable section of this episode 39:00 - The death penalty 42:00 - John & Chris and the executioners inside 46:55 -  How did we get here?:  Beastiality..and the BOSS HORSE 51:30 -  First time you jacked off? 54:20 - Teenage John nervously jacks off with Vaseline for the very first time 57:30 - The statistics that only God could give you… 61:25 - The joy of ordering free samples in the mail

Table of Nonsense:  0:00 - Death To Smoochie (again) 0:05 - Erika gets blowjobs from her girlfriend 4:00 - Pt 2. - The continuing story of Bulbasaur & the gang 12:00 - Paco couldn’t come… 14:14 - Butt licking… a discussion 16:45 - The part with the fisting… 22:00 - The part with the listerine… 24:00 - Losing foreign objects in your descending colon 31:00 - Why would anyone stick a CURTAIN ROD up their ass? 36:30 -  Erika’s butt is impenetrable, and how does Kay rate salad tossing? 39:30 - John proclaims the mystery of faith… and ass eating 41:00 - Kim drank from the fountain of youth 42:30 - Erika descends on high with a dildo from heaven 45:30 - Hot sex move:  Slap the kitty 46:30 - Gay straight guys that want dikes to fuck them 55:20 - Erika explains the variety of lesbians out there 57:20 -  Rapid response… with Kim 58:30 - John tries to facilitate Erika’s first salad toss 61:00 - We discuss Kim’s amazing breasts  63:00 -  Kim’s butt is a fruit shoot 67:30 -  The perils of shaving your ass 69:30 -  John’s final message of freedom to the gay community

Special Guests: E-rock & Kay Table of Nonsense:  0:00 - Death To Smoochie 1:30 - How does one pronounce, “Diabetes” ? 6:00 - Erika’s Private Facebook Group 8:15 - Chris is field testing his halloween costume in the studio 9:00 - Why don’t we have MALE birth control yet??! 10:30 -  Mega millions crossed 1 BILLION dollars this week 11:30 - John trips and falls into Hylan Blvd into oncoming traffic 13:15 - The Donkey Show 17:45 - Beastiality (BuhHHhHHhh) 20:40 - Crossbreeding Humans and Pigs..   PIGHUMANS 25:00 - The epic, long repressed tale, of Bulbasaur 57:15 - SONG: The Bad Mouth Betties “I’d Have To Go With Never”

Table of Nonsense:  0:00 -  PRIVATE PARTS 1:00 -  Microwaving a head of lettuce for 45 minutes straight 4:15 -  We want “My One” Condoms to be our sponsor  8:00 - John’s Halloween Costume 9:15 - Chris’s Halloween Costume 11:00 - Chris’s Hunter Mountain Highway Story (bumbled away) 14:00 - The Lettuce now smells like Cabbage 14:30 - Ok now the hunter mountain highway story begins (or does it..) 15:30 -  The microwave is laboring 16:00 -  Finally:  The Hunter Mountain Highway Story 22:30 -  Cancun Pizza Gluttony 27:00 -  The 3 ways NICK was a DICK in Cancun 31:30 -  Mike clogs Steve’s toilet bowl and has his dad clean it out 33:45 -  Chris’s childhood mispronunciations  34:25 - Why do socks smell so horrible in dress shoes?  ANSWERED! 37:15 - The secret Pinterest page that most women have… 39:45 -  Subbing ingredients in a restaurant menu….  Insulting?  43:00 -  The lettuce…. Is done…. 45:00 -  Chris…. Eats it…. 47:30 -  Howard Stern Speaker Orgasm Closer

Table of Nonsense:  0:00 -  About Schmidt 0:01 -  Chris’s lungs are possessed by proper demons  3:00 -  Imagine if our families listened to this podcast? 5:00 - Chris spills hearty minestrone soup all over the mic and gets frightened 6:20 - John’s brakes of steel 8:00 - John’s motivational muscle madness 11:15 -  Instagram/Gym Egos  17:00 - Selfies of DEATH 18:00 -  Sugga Daddies/Mommies 25:40 -  BDR/GDR (Bad dick review / Good dick review) 29:15 -  G spot is played out. Chris teaches how to hit the elusive female “A” spot.  33:00 - Chris’s everlasting erection (revisited) 35:00 -  John’s custom condoms 41:30 -  Penis elongation (you have extra dick) 46:00 - Porn..  how do all the dudes shoot like fire extinguishers  51:00 -  Fake porn video is like a Krispy Kreme Cum Factory 53:45 -  John’s semen reserves 60:00-  Chris’s ass is made of steel 61:11 - PUMP ME PURPLE

Table of Nonsense:  0:00 - Braveheart 1:00 - Automotive spiders from hell 6:00 - GOT live 8:00 - Blue balls..  a discussion   16:15-  Foot jobs 17:45 -  How did the two of you come out of the same womb 21:15 -  Instant Karma’s gonna get you 24:00 -  Instant Karma’s gonna get you…again 25:15 -  Toys R’ Us coming back?! 28:00 -  Long Horn Steakhouse coming to SI Mall. 28:45 -  The dangers of assuming a woman is pregnant 35:10-  Ass-pregnant  36:00 -  Chris hates microscopic hair with a passion 37:30 -  John looses his mind in a triumphant bee battle royale  48:00 - Mr. American Flag Scott LoBaido 50:00 - John feels a need to discuss “Bachelor in Paradise”