But Not All At Once

After a sabbatical, we're back with a quick-turnaround episode dissecting the first three episodes of the Sussexes' Netflix documentary. Come back next week for a breakdown of the final three!We mix in a bit of history, context, caveats and perspective, but I anticipate a third episode will come post-documentary where we dive into the Queen's death and funeral; who's gotten new titles; who didn't inherit the ones they were promised; who's in danger of losing theirs; what King Charles' coronation could kick off; how Icky Andrew has been doing; and if Harry's memoir release next month will rock the monarchy or be more of the same.Thanks for your patience, kindness, check-ins, conversations and constant presence in my life even when we're not sharing these conversations every week. Excited to be back and chatting with you again! (So long as no one else tells me I'm sending people to hell or that my children deserve pity for having me as a mother. I touch on that story today and we'll explore a bit more later.)Whether you agree with my royal ramblings or not, I welcome all pleasant and sane messages. Find me at butnotallatonce.com or @butnotallatonce. xoxoOther royal episodes to explore:Don't Call It A Megxit (January 2020)HRH No More: The Conclusion of Sussexit (January 2020)Megs & Haz Take Hollywood (April 2020)Finding Freedom: A Sussexit Book Report (August 2020)A Royal Rundown: What Comes Next (February 2021)Oprah, Harry, Meghan & Media Madness (March 2021)

Nothing about growing up is easy, whether you have kids or not. To be candid, my four children have done nothing but make clear how NOT grown up or prepared I am for the realities of life with children in 2022.Today, Meg and Mary Flo of Birds & Bees are here to save us. And maybe our sanity and a whole lot of face while they're at it!Every part of parenthood requires a deep bench and lots of backup. Today, I hope you'll hear how many folks are in your corner. Whether it's learning to label "vulva" with the same calm countenance as "elbow," your backup has arrived.If you're ready for a deeper bench, word-for-word scripts, and even more help in talking to your kids about their weird, amazing bodies and the wild world of procreation, Meg and Mary Flo are offering But Not All At Once listeners a discount! Use BUTNOT20 as a discount code to receive 20% off their online course for parents of kids up to 10 years old. The aim is to get ahead of these topics, establish yourself as an expert, and have many small conversations with your children instead of one awkward big one. We're getting rid of "The Talk" and invite you to join us in a "But Not All At Once" approach to the birds and the bees!

There aren't words for today, just loosely connected thoughts and a deep, aching well of feelings. If you need a friend's voice right now, here's one.

Do women have hobbies? Do grown-ups know how to blow off steam? Is it possible to relax while both doing and NOT doing something?Let's dive in to what spring break could look like for grown-ups. Come back later this week for a meatier interview; in the meantime, let's imagine we've rented the largest beach house known to mankind and dedicated each room to a different fantastic activity. (Yes, napping is an activity.)I can't wait to hear what the perfect solo spring break would look like for you? (Solo meaning no partner, no kids, no pets, no mortgages, no responsibilities. Just you, maybe some like-minded ladies, and oodles of the snacks of your choice.)xoxo,A.

It wasn't an announced break, but we WERE on a break - and now it's over. Delighted to catch back up with you about how I've been, how you've been, how the world has been (eep), what the royals are up to, and what we can expect in the months ahead.Have missed you, friends! Episodes mentioned:Margot Guy's Long Road to MotherhoodOprah's Sussex InterviewThe update to Margot's episode will be available on Patreon early next month! If you'd like to participate in the "Postcards as Pick-Me-Ups" project, keep your eyes on my Instagram. Can't wait to send them everywhere!! xoxo

In the midst of a challenging season (say, facing your high school sweetheart's metastatic cancer diagnosis), it can be hard to see anything beyond the moment ahead. Envisioning the future, or even making it through the next step, can seem downright impossible.Megan Scherer knows that feeling well, and her family has used it to change the lives of others'. The Scherers' charity, Worth the Wait, provides emotional and financial support for cancer patients hoping to preserve their fertility or, once their health allows, grow their families through IUI, IVF, surrogacy or adoption.A single question from a doctor led Megan's husband to bank his sperm and leave the Scherers' options open post-cancer. Even so, it took seven IUIs and countless prayers before they were able to meet their miracle baby, Elliott. Though their initial hope had been to have a second baby, Megan says that isn't in the cards - and counsels friends, family, and curious fellow parents not to pry into others' family-planning. The Scherers' story is one of healing, hope, and offering the same to others. You can support Worth the Wait here and learn more about its work on Instagram.To support this podcast, visit our Patreon. If you'd like to subscribe to our forthcoming e-newsletter (think: royal gossip; is Jamie Lynn Spears a villain or a victim; what's your winning Wordle strategy; and how many times do people need to post their scores before they feel good about their puzzle-solving skillz?), visit ButNotAllAtOnce.com and drop your email address in the pop-up box.Chat with you soon! xo, A

Here's an extra chat for you this week based on a through-line in my conversations this week. My colleagues and friends (and I) seem to be feeling, thinking, crying over, looking like and worrying about things that may resonate with you too. Listen first, and then have a cookie. Take a nap. Send someone else a chicken pot pie. Ask for a break. Cry all the tears. Punch some pillows. Give yourself a sanity walk. DM me. Allow yourself to be an unkempt, actual hot mess - not an Instagram one. Or put on makeup and fluff your hair if that helps you! Just cope as you can.Grief can be a form of worship. At its heart, I believe, grief is gratitude - and right now we're all grieving something. Let's not do it alone.xoxo,Anne, who's trying

 In April 2019, Meredith Jaggard was fearless enough to join But Not All At Once as our first-ever guest. The podcast was just a concept then, and by pouring out her heart and her story, Meredith started it with a bang. Now she's back for more. Today we talk about the lives her words changed, an obituary I had to write, pandemic weight gain, modern marriage, and uprooting your whole life a second time to build a new one.Learn how she moved (again!) and continued to battle MS during Covid; how "newborn" Ellie is doing; what quarantine was like in a 900 square foot apartment in a new city; her reaction to her husband being asked if MS makes Meredith a "burden"; and what she thinks about your post-Covid beach body. This conversation was an absolute delight. Hopefully I muted all my typing as I furiously recorded her every quotable line! I also muted a few "adult" words - not because she didn't deserve to say them, or because I don't agree with her, but because I know you're probably used to playing our chats in carline.Since we recorded this conversation last summer for Patreon, Meredith has an even newer title: Executive Director for the UC Hastings Alumni Association at UC Hastings Law.  She also just began a doctoral program at (the West Coast) USC yesterday. No, I don't know how she juggles it all - but her honesty about things will reassure you that she's one of us. Who's starting the Meredith Jaggard Admiration Society, and do you need a president? (Start by finding her on Instagram as @meredithjaggard.)Other upcoming and returning guests, you'll hear mentioned:Mamie Morgan, who just got a book deal and made us all cryKim Jamieson Crafton, a newlywed who owes us an update after her "singleness" episodeMarquin Campbell, an artist whose family adventured in Spain through Covid Margot Guy, whose long road to motherhood has a new and happy chapter

Brooke Turner's story may be But Not All At Once's most downloaded episode ever - and for good reason. Describing herself as a "student of hope" despite unexpected widowhood and terminal cancer, Brooke shared words I revisit whenever I need a little perspective and a few hours with a friend.Today Brooke's sister, Liz, finishes her story with an update on the grieving, healing, joy-filled Turner/Fisher family of eight. She and her husband now have six children from third to sixth grades, and their life is as hectic and wonderful as it sounds. This week we pick up just before Brooke's passing and six weeks before the kick-off of Covid.If you're a Patreon subscriber, be sure your email address is up-to-date in your subscription! Later this month we'll launch an e-newsletter to chat about the awkward, insightful, intimate, or downright embarrassing stories too personal to share on the podcast at large. Plus book and movie recommendations, the best advice we never took, what we wish we could say to our younger selves and more.Patreon listeners will also hear updates this winter from beloved former guests April Robson, whom many of us have kept close to our hearts in recent months, and Margot Guy, whose long journey to motherhood has a delightful new chapter to share! Thanks for checking in over the podcast's holiday break; I'm excited to be back. See y'all here next week and on Instagram until then! xoxo

Brooke Turner's story may be But Not All At Once's most downloaded episode ever - and for good reason. Describing herself as a "student of hope" despite young, unexpected widowhood and a terminal cancer diagnosis, Brooke chose her words carefully and meant every one of them. It's a conversation I revisit when I need a few hours with a friend, and one of the great privileges of my life.Today Brooke's sister, Liz, steps away from her very full plate to give us an update on the Turner/Fisher family of eight. She and her husband are rearing six children from third to sixth grades while juggling moves, memories, grief, healing, and a metric passel of farm animals.Next week you'll hear even more from Liz on what Covid, lockdown, a sabbatical, six e-learners and a new farm brought her beautiful blended family.If you're a Patreon subscriber, be sure to listen to this week's bonus episode there! It's called "Things I Haven't Been Honest About Yet," and it's as revealing as it sounds. (Insert cringe emoji.)See y'all here next week! xoxo

Amber Michels, founder of The Peace of Mind Project and the forthcoming Lighthouse Effect, joins But Not All At Once to talk about women and work.Things you'll hear us touch on:-What is the Great Resignation, and why is it happening now?-"It isn't that complicated." Treating employees like humans, not machines, changes everything.-There's no such thing as a non-working mom.-Parental leave, healthy work environments, and work-life balance benefit employees regardless of whether or not they have children.-Caretaking is valuable, unpaid work - work largely done by women, whether they are mothers or not. -Women are loyal workers and emotionally connected to their work. Creating environments where they can thrive matters.You can learn more about The Peace of Mind Project here. Amber's newest layer of support for moms, The Lighthouse Effect, will debut its first woman-focused empowerment retreat from January 28th to 30th in downtown Greenville, SC. The weekend of yoga, dinners, connection, conversation - all things we need! - will also feature panel speakers like our very own Anne Smith. Follow The Lighthouse Effect on Instagram to learn more as details  emerge. To support But Not All At Once, and to hear next week's subscriber-only episode on narcissism and toxic relationships, visit our Patreon page.

In genuine irony, this episode was delayed a week after things did not in fact get easier. With both a new puppy and a new business, things felt flat-out wild. But we're back, and I'm reminding us all of what gets easier over time, just in case it's hard to imagine from deep in the trenches.If you saw my list on Instagram, you'll have a preview of what I mean. Parts of life, decision-making, body issues, communicating, self-care and even parenting do get easier over time. (Conversely, parts of parenting get more complicated and challenging over time too, so stay tuned on that front.)Overall, this is the antidote to my Things That Are Not Awesome video posted to Patreon yesterday.In today's episode, you'll hear me mention upcoming follow-up episodes with Brooke Turner's sister Liz; April Robson; Kim Jamieson; and an update from first-ever guest Meredith Jaggard that already lives on Patreon.If you didn't catch my recent interview on the Mama Needs podcast, please listen to the mix of self-care and '90s nostalgia I wax poetic about there; I believe every word. You can find it, as well as a few other interviews, on the As Seen On section of my website. Woven into today's chat are a few aspects of our family's story that may make more sense if you listen to background episodes from September 2020 (an interview by April Robson) and September 2021. If you're facing a hard season or swimming through the unthinkable, I hope they provide you a glimmer of hope. That said, you know best what you need; read each summary to determine if the content is more than your heart can handle in a tender spot. You know where to find me until next week, friends... xoxo

October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month, and today But Not All At Once dives into the story of Katie Alice Walker and her beautiful third baby, Jayne.Katie Alice walks us through the shock and grief of an unexpected diagnosis and the joy of meeting a child whose name has been spoken by an entire community in prayer.There's beauty to be found even in the uncertain, unforeseen and just plain hard; Katie Alice's words are a testament to that. Whether your family has faced similar news, you want to support a friend in the trenches, or you hope to be an example of inclusion in your community, this discussion is for you.A few books Katie Alice recommends:Authentically AddieYou're All Kinds of WonderfulDifferent - A Great Thing to Be!Almost Twins: A Story About Friendship and InclusionIf you're a parent who wants to connect with the Walkers, you can reach Katie Alice at @kacwalker on Instagram. As always, you can reach Anne at butnotallatonce.com or @butnotallatonce across social platforms. To support the podcast and hear monthly bonus episodes, subscribe to Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.If you enjoy But Not All At Once, would you please leave a five-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts? It elevates the podcast, gives potential guests a window into the show, and means the world!

Meredith Puckett joins But Not All At Once to answer listener questions about grief, loss, and the seemingly easy task of "feeling your feelings." It's everyone's go-to advice for women facing divorce, life change, loss, or parenting in a pandemic, but how exactly how do we do it?(For reference and as a caution for anyone who may need it, this episode includes general themes of grief around separation, divorce, and pregnancy/infant loss.) Later this month, Meredith will be on the podcast's Patreon for a more intimate discussion of narcissism, abuse, unhealthy relationships, and finding freedom. Anne's emails and DMs are open for your anonymous stories and questions.Your thoughts will be in good company; Meredith and Anne will touch on experiences from their own lives and circles of friends. To join the conversation and support the podcast, subscribe at Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.Podcasts to Listen to: · Last week's But Not All At Once episode, "What If You're Still Broken?"· Grief is a Sneaky B!tch · Grief Out Loud· Grief Is My Side Hustle· Grieving Moms Podcast· The Mother of All Losses· While We Are Waiting: Hope After Child Loss· Surviving Divorce Podcast· Brené Brown's Unlocking Us episode, "On Grief and Finding Meaning"Books to Read:· Good Grief by Granger Westberg· It's OK That You Are Not OK by Megan Devine· Bearing the Unbearable by Joanne Cacciatore· Grieving is Loving by Joanne CacciatoreIf you enjoy But Not All At Once, would you please leave a five-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts? It elevates the podcast, gives potential guests a window into the show, and just plain means the world! 

September 27th is a day Anne's body remembers each year, even if her brain doesn't quite catch up to it. This bonus episode dives into grief, miscarriage, trauma, guilt when you don't feel grateful "enough," and why you don't have to be useful to be worthy. You can read more of these words at Anne's blog, from a previous lifetime, on the subject. 

Mamie Morgan is a poet, educator and entrepreneur with an eye for design and a passion for accepting people as they are. Today she talks to But Not All At Once about blooming late, losing a parent, shaking off shame, finding love when you were certain you wouldn't, and building a life more beautiful (but quite different) than you imagined.You can read Mamie's poetry at mamiemorgan.com and visit Opal Bride in West Greenville or at opalbride.com. To support the work of But Not All At Once, hear bonus episodes, and watch the podcast's first video chat, visit Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.Find Anne at @butnotallatonce on pretty much every social media platform, and don't blame her if TikTok's algorithm sucks you in with a vengeance.Talk to you next week! xoxo

Today's episode is a smorgasbord of topics requested by our little Instagram community. First up, the Murdaugh (pronounced "Murdock") murders right here in South Carolina. This is a tragic, complicated, ready-for-Netflix story. I recommend you dive into Mandy Matney's podcast to catch up on years of Lowcountry legal entanglements, unfortunate deaths and mysterious happenings.Next, the Time 100 cover featuring Harry, Meghan and a boatload of memes about their pose. Also, Britney Spears' engagement and subsequent Instagram exit; the end of Rachel Hollis' Rise conference; the LuLaRich documentary series; the Met gala history and fashion; favorite fall movies; and my personal must-make soup recipes to be whipped up the moment temps drop below 80. Links! Links! Links!Best butternut squash soup recipe ever. Don't @ me.Pioneer Woman's white bean chicken chili. Add cornbread, invite me, and enjoy.At-home Sbux Medicine Ball dupe: One Teavana Jade Citrus Mint tea bag and one Teavana Peach Tranquility tea bag. Add warm lemonade (or lemon juice and water), then honey. Voila! Support the work of But Not All At Once via Patreon, where you can access bonus episodes, videos, and guest follow-ups. Talk to you next week! xoxo

Shakespeare wrote that "the course of true love never did run smooth." While they could apply to any facet of life, these words may encapsulate best the exhaustion and adventure of parenting.That's certainly the case for Tinsley Maness and her son, Hart. What started smoothly when her second child was born soon changed course, planting a desire to advocate not only for him, but also for others outside the "typical." You'll hear Tinsley speak of Hart's school, the Meyer Center, and Greenville's newest non-profit, Kind of the Upstate. Both organizations are worth your time and support. To support the stories and work of But Not All At Once, hear bonus episodes, and watch our first video chats, visit Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.If you too have been influenced by friends, targeted ads or professional influencers to make all manner of purchases, you'll find good company, reviews and regrets here.Stay tuned to the end, where I absolutely mean what I say - I'm here. Tell me what you'd like to hear: uplifting or heavy, relatable or aspirational, real-world or nostalgic. You're not in the trenches, whatever your trench may be, by yourself.

Sarah Shell spent three years in law school, passed the bar and began a promising legal career in a Savannah office with a river view. Something was missing, though...In an interview originally scheduled for the first day of quarantine 18 months ago, Sarah and I discuss her "non-linear" path to owning a thriving floral design studio whose first dedicated brick-and-mortar space opened weeks before Covid ground the events industry to a halt.We talk about finding your path, starting over, taking leaps, having others take a chance on you, and how there's no such thing as "juggling" four children, a business and a pandemic.Whether you need to be reminded that anyone can make a fresh start at any time or you want to be inspired by the power of women opening doors and cheering on others in their community, you'll love Sarah's story.You can find her at Fern Studio in Columbia, where she brightens locals' day with porch drops, flash floral installations, and gorgeous events. If you stay to hear my little "outro" chat, you can learn more about what we're discussing at Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce or find me on Instagram in the meantime. P.S. Thank you for a QUARTER OF A MILLION listens! Having your ear for an hour a week is a privilege that isn't lost on me, and it's a gift to share women's stories with the world. xoxo

When I came across Laura's TikTok content earlier this month, I knew she'd make the perfect podcast guest. As @thatdarnchat on social media, she puts words to the epidemic of exhaustion I've seen in friends and strangers alike over the years. You see it too: wives, mothers, and working women crumbling under the weight of invisible labor, unrealistic expectations, and unspoken hopes for parenthood and marriage.In today's episode, you'll hear us praise the men in our lives, break down the patterns that don't serve us or our marriages, and unpack how we (the collective we) can add more rest, joy and life into the years ahead.A few resources we mention:Fair Play by Eve RodskyHow We Show Up by Mia BirdsongParenting Beyond Pink and Blue by Christia Spears BrownBut Not All At Once, Episode 48: The Invisible List Clogging Up Your BrainFind us on Instagram, Patreon, or at the podcast's website to continue the discussion!

Suzy Dover spends her days guiding elementary schoolers through the ins and outs of technology, then comes home to do the same with her own children.One question the instructional technology coach answers more than any other is, "How do I keep my kids safe online?" In today's episode, we answer just that - and it starts at a far more foundational level than parental controls or security apps.Suzy explains her philosophy of technology as communication; how children are the same online and off; in what ways to give them boundaries and control over their digital lives; and how adults can model what we want to see in our children when it comes to social media.So much of parenting we're prepared to do from conception: buy car seats, prepare nutritious meals, keep them warm and safe and fed. Feeling the urge to swaddle them in bubble wrap when it comes to technology makes sense - but it isn't practical.This is the world we live in; so how do we make it safe, healthy and kind? I loved thinking through this with Suzy, not to mention chatting about Little House on the Prairie, Hocus Pocus, and how our children will spill every last detail of our home lives to any teacher who will listen.Mentioned in today's discussion: Common Sense MediaEpisode with parenting coach Mary Van GeffenEpisode with intuitive eating counselor Kate Morris

One night can change everything. Abby Banks, this week's guest, put her healthy infant son to sleep, but the next morning, he was paralyzed. Without warning, a rare autoimmune disease attacked his spinal cord; there was no cure or road map for healing from his diagnosis, transverse myelitis, short of a miracle.Abby walks us through the life she envisioned for Wyatt, and the one her son has today. Rather than facing the unknown full of fear, the Banks family finds joy in every gift - including the freedom and possibilities Wyatt's wheelchair provides. Whether you are waiting for a miracle, frustrated and facing challenges, or ready to celebrate every good thing in your life, this conversation will move you. Follow But Not All At Once on Instagram for a giveaway of Abby's book, Love Him Anyway, later this week."I could drown myself in a sea of anger because life hasn't turned out the way I planned, but I know that life is a gift, and I want to fight to make ours amazing, no matter what it looks like..."-from Love Him Anyway

When I recall the beauty standards of my formative years, I think of two Kates, one Fiona, and my beloved (but sometimes side-eyed) Friends.  Kate Moss, the queen of heroin chic;  headlines decrying "overweight" Kate Winslet; Fiona Apple, unshowered, underfed, and undressed on a dirty carpet in her "Criminal" video; and Friends' lazy punchlines about Monica in a fat suit.Not to mention Bridget Jones' topping out at 140lbs in her panicked diet diary entries or Renee Zellwegger's "brave" weight gain to portray her. Nor the worrisomely slim women of Ally McBeal. Or Regina George's puffer coat masquerading as an upsetting weight gain plot point in Mean Girls.Today Kristen Watson and I tackle pop culture and marketing; body image, positivity and diversity; whether we've left '90s beauty standards behind us; and the upside of social media's portrayal of everyday women and the many kinds of beauty they hold.Get ready for a ride that touches on:1. Britney's nude-and-crystal body stocking, J Lo's green Versace dress, and why 2000s fashion made a women's bodies the ultimate accessory.  2. What is normal versus what's normalized. (Do you hear Oprah saying that in her "silent or silencedddd" voice?)3. The puzzle of compliments - how to use our words to build up the people we find beautiful.4. The pressure of being perceived. We know when we're being sized up, measured, and found lacking/worthwhile. What do we do about it?5. Supergoop's Handscreen SPF and what kind of dunce falls for it. 6. Why middle school boys called me Tic-Tac Girl, and how I feel about it today.7. Whether the "COVID 15" jokes can go away now.8. The "we don't care what you look like or what you're wearing - just come!" disclaimer every post-pandemic invite needs.9. Why lacking visible ribs and tan lines was once considered a status symbol - but also why archaic beauty standards are still everywhere.10. Our moms could just toss the VS catalogs if they didn't want us to see them. What does that look like in a modern world?JUICY BONUS: Kristen's teen heartthrob boyfriend who shared a set with Jessica Biel while they dated, and whose face makes me cringe now.Though we touch on the Victoria's Secret/VS Collective rebrand here, the remaining hour (yes, we have thoughts) will go live on Patreon over the weekend. It'll take me a minute to come down from visiting the high of visiting the touring Friends set today; I'm basically Penny Lane-level groupie for that traveling orange Central Perk couch.So many future chats may have been born in this hour: A Notebook/Mean Girls breakdown. The history and frustrating glory of Sports Illustrated's swimsuit cover. (Yay, someone who looks less emaciated is on the cover, but is this our ultimate goal?) What Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera could have accomplished if the media hadn't positioned them as enemy rivals. The list goes on - and I can't wait to hear your thoughts!Find us on Instagram, Patreon, or at the podcast's website to continue the discussion!

You can't be an expert on living. Perhaps intuitive eating, child-rearing, business, style, fitness - any number of things that require licenses, credentials or letters after your name. But living? Hmm. Perhaps that's how we got into a "personal development" situation.After our first Rachel Hollis discussion, there was a clamor to dive in a bit deeper, so here we are. Let's talk masterful word salad, accountability versus cancel culture, platforms versus pedestals, and what it means to be authentic.Can't wait to hear your thoughts! xoxo

Lilibet Diana Mountbatten-Windsor arrived ten days ago; a press release and a flurry of headlines marked her debut. This week we delve into royal names, royal gossip, my baby-naming preferences and strategy, and more.Later this week we'll dive into Rachel Hollis' return to (and quick retreat from) social media on Patreon. Can't wait to hear your thoughts! 

Parenting coach Mary Van Geffen guides folks daily through the process of raising "spicy" kids. Want to really get her going? Talk about the societal pressure to be a "good" mom, and the many meaningless, artificial and external markers that indicate what success looks like for modern parents.Mary unpacks and refutes every bit of that. I wish I could quote our entire conversation, but you'll just have to listen yourself. We cover every Southern woman's weakness; the perpetual people pleasers who seek her guidance; why the key to a happy home is in us, not our children; and (in an exercise that brings me to tears) how to create a relationship our grown children will rush home to each Thanksgiving.What DOES success look like in raising children? Mary's perspective may change your whole approach to parenting.Resources mentioned:Mary Van Geffen's website and Instagram The Gottman Institute feeling wheelBrittney Bolt, our Enneagram 7 guest, on being a surrogate for strangersMeredith Jaggard, prioritizing herself and her marriage while parenting and kicking MS square in the teethDo Less by Kate NorthrupTry Softer by Aundie KolberSupport But Not All At Once via our Patreon, where you can catch an hour-long update (and a metric ton of inspiration) from Meredith Jaggard, plus videos, giveaways, upcoming guest Q&As, and more.As always, you can find Anne at  hello@butnotallatonce.com and @butnotallatonce across social media platforms.

As Mental Health Awareness Month ends, we talk with Tanya Camunas about how families can break generational cycles; what makes healing from trauma possible; how communities can preserve families and support their children's mental health; and why families of every socioeconomic status struggle.More than an executive director far removed from her field, Tanya herself is in therapy to heal from childhood trauma. Adopted at two after neglect and abuse from parents with untreated mental illnesses, she is a living example to the families she serves.Learn more about A Child's Haven and its work at achildshaven.org. Resources mentioned include:Ashley Adams: Surviving a Spouse’s Substance Abuse episodeDr. Nika White: Diversity & Inclusion episodeCatherine Schumacher: Public Education Partners episodeThe ACES questionnaireRight Now, I Am Fine: Tanya’s favorite children’s book for stress, anxiety and struggles Institute for Child SuccessChildren’s Trust of South CarolinaACH's Recommended Resources for FamiliesSupport the work of But Not All At Once with a $3 subscription to Patreon, where you'll find extra episodes and videos. (Psst: Meredith Jaggard’s kicking-MS-in-the-teeth hour of inspiration and updates goes live there this week!)As always, you can reach Anne at hello@butnotallatonce.com, find the podcast via @butnotallatonce across social platforms, and learn more at butnotallatonce.com. 

Author Ashley Adams is a happily married mother of three; if you saw her around her Virginia hometown, you'd never guess what she's survived. Today Ashley shares her years-long struggle to decide if she should leave or stay in her first marriage to a man who secretly battled alcoholism. With two toddlers, she became a single mother who would eventually walk them through the loss of their father to his addiction. Unable to find the resources she needed, Ashley wrote her own; you can find her books here or connect with Ashley on Instagram.But Not All At Once has also addressed changing your relationship with alcohol, whether it's an addiction or a habit you want to re-examine, in an episode with sobriety coach Kim Banks.Please know that there is zero judgment in our community. Seeking support is incredibly brave; there can absolutely be change, hope, and brighter days ahead. If you need help addressing substance abuse, please call 1-800-662-HELP.Moved by this episode? Send your own questions for Ashley to hello@butnotallatonce.com, and look for her follow-up discussion this summer on Patreon. But Not All At Once will be back with a Prince Harry/Armchair Expert podcast breakdown soon, as well as an update from our first-ever guest, Meredith Jaggard, on Patreon next week. A $3 Patreon subscription gets you extra episodes, videos, giveaways, and catch-ups with fan favorites like Meredith. And it makes the work we do possible. Thank you!

Our 95th episode focuses on a topic listeners have requested for months: faith. Where does one start? How can you deconstruct a lifetime of beliefs and rebuild new, deeper ones? What role does spirituality have in modern society? How has the need to congregate changed during Covid?Rev. Kendra Plating and I could have discussed this for days, but in an hour we touch on women in church leadership; healing from church or childhood trauma; deconstructing from a legalistic Christian background; listening to perspectives even if you don't agree with them; the importance of self-reflection and serving those around you; and finding freedom from what ties us down.I hope you'll hear this conversation as just that - a discussion, not a sermon. There are so many more questions to address, which we'll do on Patreon with Kendra this summer. Today you'll hear her reference authors Barbara Brown Taylor, Nadia Bolz-Weber, Anne Lamott, Richard Rohr and Henri Nouwen; you'll also hear us mention Beth Moore and Tim Keller. Until we hear from Kendra again, look for our very first guest ever, Meredith Jaggard, to share updates on her move across the country to beat MS. (If you haven't listened to her episode, now's the time!) Her "next chapter" chat will be on Patreon in two weeks, and I can't wait to share how she's kicking MS in the teeth and starting from scratch all over again with another move for her little family.Have questions? Thoughts? Reach out via DM or at hello@butnotallatonce.com.Support the work of our podcast with a $3 Patreon subscription to get more episodes, guest follow-ups, videos and more. We appreciate your listens, shares, reviews and messages of encouragement!

(A little caveat: It's Mother's Day week. If you're in a tender spot around parenthood, loss, or pregnancy, be gentle with yourself and pick another episode. Shoot me a DM and we'll find just the words you need to hear today.)"Ten in ten." That's how Margot Guy describes the losses she and her husband, TJ, have faced in a decade of trying to grow their family. Nearly six years after becoming parents to a baby girl born halfway across the world, thanks to a surrogate in Mumbai, the Guy family of three hopes to expand once more. This chapter of their story is still in process.Still in the thick of her story, Margot's words will encourage you, equip you to help friends walking this same path, and remind you of the simple gifts of motherhood, community and resilience.As you'll hear in today's episode, Margot is mid-IVF cycle, preparing for a second round of gestational surrogacy. We plan to have her back on our Patreon channel with updates as she has them.Support But Not All At Once and give more women like Margot the chance to tell their stories by subscribing to Patreon.com/butnotallatonce.As always, you can find Anne at @butnotallatonce or hello@butnotallatonce.com. 

Since I found Dear Abby in the early '90s, my dream has been to have my own advice column. Giving people wisdom you'd never be able to enact yourself? Come on - how does adulthood get better than that?Here we dive into an hour of DMs, conversations, comments and other listener submissions ranging from unwanted houseguests, post-COVID socializing, brides as centers of the universe, body boundaries, managing post-divorce dating expectations, naming babies, planning your family, and handling a toxic work environment.Want to keep my childhood dreams alive? Submit your own questions to hello@butnotallatonce.com.If you've loved our content or been moved by any of the stories we share here, please subscribe at Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce to hear additional episodes and bring more guests to our table.

Spoiler alert: Sangeeta Hardy is snuggling a baby as you read this. The decade of her life before meeting her daughter, however, brought hurdle after hurdle: infertility, miscarriage, surrogacy, potential adoption, grief amidst marriage, wincing at baby shower invitations, and hours of therapy to prove that feelings deserve to be felt, not compartmentalized.You'll love Sangeeta's assertion that, while immensely grateful, she didn't need this happy ending to be happy. Her friends taught her lessons that she's ready to share with you - about dragging sad women to tropical islands and not giving up on them even when they're "unraveling." If you too have found the courage to admit, "I'm sad," this episode is for you.Find out more at @butnotallatonce or butnotallatonce.com. Support our work on Patreon and get ready for giveaways, extra guest access, and even more women's stories in our community there.

Let's talk about the recent Khloe Kardashian kerfuffle. An (allegedly) unedited swimsuit photo of her made its way to Instagram via her grandmother; the whirlwind that ensued convinced many that Khloe suffers as intensely from body dysmorphia as her followers, who consume the family's typically Photoshopped content, do.In this episode we dissect the weird mix of culpability (you create the beauty standards you suffer from, Khloe!) and compassion (unrelenting media scrutiny and decades of bullying) around this topic.We touch on growing up in the '90s, when Kate Winslet was "Titanic-sized" and every sitcom's "fat friend" was a hefty size 6 or 8. We dive into diet culture, body dysmorphia, unreasonable expectations for women's appearances, and how we shake off these shackles to heal the next generation.This episode first launched on Patreon, where you can get access to additional podcast content while supporting the work of But Not All At Once.

A long-promised mini pep talk for women bringing home their second babies. You know just enough to worry yourself sick, but not enough to feel confident that you can do this once again. Let me be the voice who reminds you: You. Sure. Can.You may be wondering if your world is about to be flipped upside down again. Can you love another small human? Who will need you most? How can you ever, in a moment of double tears, pick one over the other? How will you find the guts to ask for help? What should you say to yourself when no one's around to buoy your sleepy spirits?Step one: Listen to this pep talk from But Not All At Once's first week.Step two: Remember you've made it, blindfolded and brand new at parenting, out of the woods before. You can do it again, even if the terrain is different.Step three: Ask for help. Spell out what you need. Nap without guilt. Wave the white flag without wavering. People are in your corner.The fact that you're here, hoping to do your best, means you're phenomenal at this job. I'm proud of you. xoxo

If talker's block were a thing, I'd have the opposite. SO many things to tell you and so little time before your AirPods need charging.After last week's rollicking Rachel Hollis rundown, we have oodles of new folks and a number of longtime listeners who may not know the who/what/why on Earth is this girl pulling life stories out of every woman she's ever met?So here's a quick peek into my brain and chapter one of a (fifteen-part, believe it or not) series that'll continue on Patreon.We'll cover motherhood, marriage, emergency surgery, birth "defects," miscarriage, high-risk pregnancy, PTSD, grief, denial, gratitude-mixed-with-genuine-heartache, skull fracture, premature birth, unwelcome genetic testing results, NICU stays, developmental delays, failure to thrive, friends who know just what to do, questioning yourself, lying to the world, carrying on as a functioning adult when your life is crumbling - all of it.This is part one, plus a preview of the next stretch of content for But Not All At Once: more personal stories from women you haven't met yet, another deep dive into Rachel Hollis, a Khloe Kardashian/beauty culture/compassion/culpability/damaging 1990s aesthetics breakdown and more.You can support our work and get early access to more content at Patreon.com/butnotallatonce. Thanks for being here!

Here's a spicy take to start your weekend! Get the rundown on the brouhaha around Rachel Hollis' careless condescension and oblivious "apology" this week.We walk through personal development gurus, hypocrisy, privilege, cancel culture, consequences, accountability, growth, and the kiss of death in personal relationships (and public ones too).Support the podcast at Patreon.com/butnotallatonce, where we'll be tackling the toxic combination of body dysmorphia, beauty standards (both the creation and upholding of them), fame and Photoshop in Khloe Kardashian's recent photo kerfuffle.Can't wait to hear your thoughts! As always, you can find me at @butnotallatonce and butnotallatonce.com. xoxo

Artist Lacey Hennessey joins us to talk money, courage, fulfillment, optimism and whether Beyonce has more hours in the day than the rest of us. (She doesn't, but she DOES pay a lot of people to do things you might enjoy doing yourself.)Whether you have a secret dream you'd love to pursue, wonder how much money "starving" artists can actually make, or want to stop caring what others think, Lacey's infectious attitude may be just what you need.Need specific advice or encouragement? Lacey will join us on Patreon for a listener Q&A later this month! Just email or DM your questions my way. You can find Lacey at hennesseyinthehome.com or @hennesseyinthehome across social media platforms.Look for our hustle culture/cancel culture/contrition/condescension/Rachel Hollis controversy episode before the weekend to dissect the other side of influencers, optimism and entrepreneurship - what happens when it all goes wrong. As always, you can support the work of But Not All At Once on Patreon, where you'll find extra episodes, additional content, and more access to guests like Lacey. 

You're at a playground. Your most curious child toddles over to a girl in a wheelchair and asks an open-hearted question: why she can't walk? Do you dig a hole in the sandbox and hide? Shush him and scurry away? Join them both for a conversation and a little toy-sharing?Today's guest, Greenville mom and advocate Cat Stevens, hopes you'll do the latter. And while you're there, ask about all three of her children - two "typical" and one with differences both visible and unseen. You'll hear the joy in Cat's voice as she discusses 11-year-old Halle, the search for answers, and becoming the first person on Earth diagnosed with her genetic condition. She cautions us not to let the fear of saying the wrong thing push us to say, nothing. Kindness, curiosity and inclusion are always welcome.You can follow Halle's story on her CaringBridge page here. You'll hear us reference Meredith Bugenske's and April Robson's stories,  which are featured in  episodes 72 and 14/15, respectively. Find us at @butnotallatonce across social platforms and at the podcast's brand spanking new website!

Intuitive eating counselor Kate Morris, whose gentle wisdom we first heard last May in episode 56, is back for a much-needed discussion about parenting children (and re-parenting ourselves) to become healthy, happy eaters who trust themselves. We're drowning in messages about eating perfectly, feeding our children "well," and controlling our diet. But if our kids are 242% more likely to develop eating disorders than type 2 diabetes as teens, how do we teach them to respect, trust and fuel themselves? Kate's has been the voice in my head since last summer; I am delighted to lend her to you once again.We'll continue this discussion on body image, health at every size, and all things intuitive eating on Patreon, so be sure to send me your questions for Kate! You can subscribe, support our work, and listen in at patreon.com/butnotallatonce.To connect with Kate Morris, MSW, M.Div., visit intuitiveeating.org/certified-counselors/. 

All right, friends. The Sussexes spilled it. Every last drop. Now what? Let's talk it out! Here's a rundown, a breakdown and a few follow-ups.This episode was released Monday evening on Patreon for subscriber to get an early listen. (I note this because even more headlines have emerged since that time. Just you wait; we'll chat about them too.)Look for a new pep talk later this week! Until then, you can support the podcast by joining Patreon.com/ButNotAllatOnce for extra episodes, guest access, video discussions, live hang-outs and more.Want to chat? Find me at butnotallatonce@gmail.com or @butnotallatonce on social media. Next week we'll have a new story to share; let's consider this one the Duchess of Sussex's - and her detractors'. Take care, y'all! xoxo

But Not All At Once started solely as an Instagram account, launched as a series of PSAs encouraging people to phase out the thoughtless, rude, invasive, dismissive and otherwise inappropriate phrases they use toward women.Today, we're going back to our roots by revisiting the issue. We cover what not say, what works instead, how to apologize (and what does NOT count when saying you're sorry), what communication will look like post-COVID and how to connect with others until then.Listen with an open mind, then come share your own do-not-says with us. In this episode we laugh, we grimace, and we accept feedback graciously (I hope I did, at least!). Join us!Love what you hear? Want to support the podcast? Find extra episodes, live hang-outs, weekly videos and more chances to connect at Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.

As the one-year mark of this pandemic (pandemonium/panda democracy/panini/Panera/Le Pain Quotidien) approaches, and in honor of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, here's a little chat about your body in a pandemic.Please excuse the tears and sniffles; it's not possible for me to discuss what we nearly lost when our daughter was a baby, or what I hope for her future, without choking up a bit. Consider it a sign of affection that I didn't edit it out?Next up this season is a second episode with intuitive eating counselor Kate Morris, who will walk us through what it means to build a family who trusts that our bodies know what is best. For today, though, this little chat is enough.I hope you're giving so much grace to the body that keeps you going, has your back, and only ever wants the best for you. If not, you know where to find me. xoxo

In another two months, the But Not All At Once podcast will celebrate its second birthday, In the meantime, here's a quick peek into what the road ahead looks like for the podcast, its humble host, and our growing community.You can support the work of But Not All At Once via patreon.com/butnotallatonce, or by leaving five star reviews at tinyurl.com/butnotallatonce, sharing with your friends, or just engaging with our social media posts.None of this would be possible without you, friends, and I can't wait to see what comes next!xoxo

It's been a minute since we caught up on the happenings of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Prince Harry and the former Meghan Markle.Let's dive into the Netflix, Spotify, Oprah, photo ops and patronage snubs of it all - and then the likelihood of baby Sussex #2 becoming both president of the United States and sovereign of the British Commonwealth. (Short version: that ain't happening.)As always, you can share your thoughts at butnotallatonce@gmail.com. Talk to you right here next week! xo

No one has it easy these days, but who has it worse - parents, non-parents, people living under a rock? How do we tell each other, across the great (but invisible) divide, how we feel and what we're truly carrying?Thanks for opening up at @butnotallatonce, and for trusting our community to support you even when what you're sharing is hard. I mean it when I say that better days are ahead, y'all. And coming quickly. xoxo

This week's guest Is Luvvie Ajayi Jones, New York Times best-selling author and presenter of a viral Ted talk about speaking up even when the world demands we whisper. Luvvie's thoughts on impostor syndrome, conquering fear, doing what you love, and belonging In any room you enter will move you to reimagine your 2021. Find Luvvie at @luvvie across social platforms or awesomelyluvvie.com. Her new book, Professional Troublemaker, is available for preorder now everywhere books are sold.Connect with the But Not All at Once community at @butnotallatonce or via butnotallatonce@gmail.com.

Welcome to season three of But Not All At Once! As with everything else about the last year, our opener is a bit different than anyone anticipated.Our community's overwhelming request for this week's episode was a pep talk: perhaps some commiseration, understanding, and encouragement for the days ahead. No matter how you feel or what you're doing to get by, you're going to hear me say: "Of course you are."You'll also hear me touch on Night Googling™, coping strategies, whom and what you're responsible for, the wide range of acceptable feelings, why our generation feels this so deeply, and what I want you to tell your own personal "Doris" (my inner critic, named as I recorded this).I'm excited to share with you all that season three of But Not All At Once holds, but for now, just remember that you're not alone. Remind each other of that too. Show grace to my weird little vulnerabilities exposed today, and to your own as well.Wishing you soft clothes, carbs, self-care and a safe place to land. We'll talk next week. xoxo

I first happened upon Nurse Hadley on TikTok, and was both drawn to and encouraged by her stories from the frontline of hospice care. Evidently I'm not alone; more than 750,000 followers agree.Hadley went viral earlier this year after sending her children to stay with family so she and her husband, a doctor of physical therapy, could serve patients as COVID kicked off.Since then, she's answered questions about end-of-life care,reaffirmed her own faith and belief in what happens after death, and reminded followers to "eat the cake" - something a young, terminal patient urged her to do. Life, she says, is too short not to take the trips and enjoy dessert. You can find Hadley at lifeofhadley.com or @nursehadley on social media. While you're there, follow @butnotallatonce to join the conversation!If you like what you heard, would you leave us a five-star review? It would be a perfect Christmas gift for the gal who laughs at her own jokes in your earbuds all year long.

In 14 years of marriage, Kelli Staggs has played mom, teacher and coach's wife in seven moves at six universities. Working alongside some of football's most renowned families, including Lou Holtz's and Steve Spurrier's, the Staggs have had a hand in growing football programs at the University of South Carolina, Charleston Southern, Furman and North Greenville.Perhaps the wildest ride, however, is the latest stop on what Kelli calls their coaching carousel: Coastal Carolina University. This "little team that could" was expected to finish last in its conference; instead, the Chanticleers are among the top 15 teams in college football. This week, Kelli will watch as ESPN GameDay rolls into Conway, South Carolina to see it all in person.Naturally, I asked her the important questions: How hard is it to find teal for game days? How old do you feel being around 19-year-old girls who'd have laughed at our tailgate sundresses?We also touch on the importance of putting down roots, even if you only call a city home for a short time; how to build community; what it means to support your spouse's career; surviving a pandemic without losing your mind or your marriage; and Judy Garland's nightmare momager. (I'm not sure how or why that last topic popped up, but I'm hoping it's part of But Not All At Once's charm?)As always, you can join the conversation at @butnotallatonce. Talk to you next week!

Katie Walters is why this podcast started. Not the literal reason, but the embodiment of it - a woman you'd see across a party or in your social media feed and think, "That woman has it all together." She'd want you to know there's far more than meets the eye.Katie is a stylish, joyful mother, due with her seventh any day now, and smitten wife to her pastor husband. She is CEO of a thriving missional fashion line, an encouraging social media presence, and somehow finds time to co-author a book about marriage with her husband, Josh.That book in process, though? It documents the lessons gleaned from a marital crisis more than a decade ago. At the time, Katie had given her heart away and doubted she could ever view her husband as more than a roommate. Thirteen years later, their marriage is living proof that there's always more than meets the eye.Katie embraces her gifts as a mother and lets the women around her help fill in the gaps. She pursues social justice and racial equality through her partnership with Togolese community leaders, Francis and Benedict, after whom she named the business that provides them with resources.She speaks candidly about counting the seasons we have with our children, and watching them become even better than their parents are in many ways. You'll love Katie's perspective on what to share on social media and how to find a balance between authenticity and "bleeding out."Learn more about Francis + Benedict at @francisandbenedict or francisandbenedict.com. You can connect with Katie at @katiewalters on Instagram.This week's conversation is sponsored by Christy Hollywood Photography. Find examples of Christy Hollywood-Lynn's incredible work at @christyhollywoodphotography on Instagram or christyhollywoodphotography.com. Whether you need social media content, branding photography, or family and lifestyle portraits, her portfolio speaks for itself.As always, you can find me at @butnotallatonce; I'd love to hear your thoughts! Take care, y'all, and I'll speak to you next week. xoxo

Ever wondered how to help a grieving friend, what to do for a widowed neighbor or what unfolds in the days after a life-changing loss? Today's guest became a widow at 30 after her husband, Tim Bright, lost his five-year fight with colon cancer. And that's not even half her story.In 2010, Jenny Bright Hewitt took on the role of advocate, partner, caretaker, fundraiser and new wife at once. Together Tim and Jenny led the Bright Life Foundation, raising nearly $250,000 for cancer research and building a community of awareness and support. Tim's death was surprisingly unexpected, given that he had "outlived his expiration date" by three years. Jenny was left with a broken heart and a blank slate; it was an honor to hear how her community came alongside her in the years ahead.Jenny and her second husband, Craig, say their daughter will always know who Tim is. Tackling widowhood, dating, remarriage, motherhood and miscarriage, Jenny retains a deep gratitude and defining sense of humor. You'll walk away moved by the ways Jenny's friends and family supported her - and a few "what not to do" moments she survived too.To honor Tim's legacy, Jenny encourages you to support the work of the Institute for Translational Oncology Research (ITOR) at ghs.org/itor and learn the signs of colorectal cancer at ccalliance.org/screening-prevention.