Podcasts about finding meaning

We know having meaning in our lives is important but sometimes we have trouble finding it. Many times It may be more of a problem of recognizing it. We may already have found meaning in our life and just not recognize it as such.

New Year 2022 another time to fail out our goals! We look at ourselves in the mirror in disgust; or maybe we haven't changed as a leader in 5 years? We feel lethargic and meaningless to the point of just existing! Let's CHANGE that together! Here is the book I was talking about here.  This is our other Spiritual, Alien, and Conspiracy Theories Podcast here  This is the ABQ Business Podcast with your host Jason Rigby and Alexander McCaig Each week we interview leading business leaders to inspire the vision and the spirit that is in every entrepreneur. We discuss strengths, weakness, strategies, systems and the problems we can all solve together to fulfill a shared vision of a new future for ABQ Business. Please go to www.abqpodcast.com where you can get show notes, resources, and links to everything we talked about today to help you navigate your journey as an entrepreneur and business owner in ABQ. Follow me on instagram at @abqjasonrigby or Alexander McCaig on LinkedIn here also sign up for our email list here where I drop marketing secrets to help your ABQ Business!

Yes, we retire. The parents, teachers, bosses and our own children no longer control us and they no longer give meaning to our lives. We are on our own. Now we must give meaning to our own lives.

------------------Support the channel------------ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thedissenter PayPal: paypal.me/thedissenter PayPal Subscription 1 Dollar: https://tinyurl.com/yb3acuuy PayPal Subscription 3 Dollars: https://tinyurl.com/ybn6bg9l PayPal Subscription 5 Dollars: https://tinyurl.com/ycmr9gpz PayPal Subscription 10 Dollars: https://tinyurl.com/y9r3fc9m PayPal Subscription 20 Dollars: https://tinyurl.com/y95uvkao ------------------Follow me on--------------------- Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheDissenterYT This show is sponsored by Enlites, Learning & Development done differently. Check the website here: http://enlites.com/ Dr. Iddo Landau is a Professor of Philosophy at the University of Haifa. He has written extensively on the meaning of life. He is the author of Finding Meaning in an Imperfect World. In this episode, we focus on Finding Meaning in an Imperfect World. We start by discussing what is meaning, and how we decide that a life is meaningful of meaningless. We go through different criteria to determine the meaningfulness of life: the perfectionist view of life; the importance of freedom; if life has to be moral; if an unexamined life is worth living; if life has to be planned or have goals; if people need a purpose; suffering; antinatalism, and Benatar's perspective; good and bad experiences, and how they weigh on the balance of meaning; our insignificance from the point of view of the Universe; death; suicide; and religion and systems of value. We also talk about the meaningfulness of lives of other animals, and their moral status. Finally, we discuss potential arguments that could convince desperate people that they lives are meaningful. -- A HUGE THANK YOU TO MY PATRONS/SUPPORTERS: KARIN LIETZCKE, ANN BLANCHETTE, PER HELGE LARSEN, LAU GUERREIRO, JERRY MULLER, HANS FREDRIK SUNDE, BERNARDO SEIXAS, HERBERT GINTIS, RUTGER VOS, RICARDO VLADIMIRO, CRAIG HEALY, OLAF ALEX, PHILIP KURIAN, JONATHAN VISSER, JAKOB KLINKBY, ADAM KESSEL, MATTHEW WHITINGBIRD, ARNAUD WOLFF, TIM HOLLOSY, HENRIK AHLENIUS, JOHN CONNORS, PAULINA BARREN, FILIP FORS CONNOLLY, DAN DEMETRIOU, ROBERT WINDHAGER, RUI INACIO, ARTHUR KOH, ZOOP, MARCO NEVES, COLIN HOLBROOK, SUSAN PINKER, PABLO SANTURBANO, SIMON COLUMBUS, PHIL KAVANAGH, JORGE ESPINHA, CORY CLARK, MARK BLYTH, ROBERTO INGUANZO, MIKKEL STORMYR, ERIC NEURMANN, SAMUEL ANDREEFF, FRANCIS FORDE, TIAGO NUNES, BERNARD HUGUENEY, ALEXANDER DANNBAUER, FERGAL CUSSEN, YEVHEN BODRENKO, HAL HERZOG, NUNO MACHADO, DON ROSS, JONATHAN LEIBRANT, JOÃO LINHARES, OZLEM BULUT, NATHAN NGUYEN, STANTON T, SAMUEL CORREA, ERIK HAINES, MARK SMITH, J.W., JOÃO EIRA, TOM HUMMEL, SARDUS FRANCE, DAVID SLOAN WILSON, YACILA DEZA-ARAUJO, IDAN SOLON, ROMAIN ROCH, DMITRY GRIGORYEV, TOM ROTH, DIEGO LONDOÑO CORREA, YANICK PUNTER, ADANER USMANI, CHARLOTTE BLEASE, NICOLE BARBARO, ADAM HUNT, PAWEL OSTASZEWSKI, AL ORTIZ, NELLEKE BAK, KATHRINE AND PATRICK TOBIN, GUY MADISON, GARY G HELLMANN, SAIMA AFZAL, ADRIAN JAEGGI, NICK GOLDEN, PAULO TOLENTINO, JOÃO BARBOSA, JULIAN PRICE, EDWARD HALL, HEDIN BRØNNER, DOUGLAS P. FRY, FRANCA BORTOLOTTI, GABRIEL PONS CORTÈS, URSULA LITZCKE, AND DENISE COOK! A SPECIAL THANKS TO MY PRODUCERS, YZAR WEHBE, JIM FRANK, ŁUKASZ STAFINIAK, IAN GILLIGAN, LUIS CAYETANO, TOM VANEGDOM, CURTIS DIXON, BENEDIKT MUELLER, VEGA GIDEY, THOMAS TRUMBLE, AND NUNO ELDER! AND TO MY EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS, MICHAL RUSIECKI, ROSEY, JAMES PRATT, MATTHEW LAVENDER, SERGIU CODREANU, AND BOGDAN KANIVETS!

(Christmas) - The Feast of the Nativity of the Lord. Year C – 2021 (EPISODE:340) “A Child is born for us!” [The Readings for the Mass During the Night, aka "Midnight Mass" will be read at all Masses in this parish at Christmas Eve and Christmas day] THE LITURGY OF THE WORD First Reading: Isaiah 9:1-7 Psalm 95:1-3. 11-13. "Today is born our saviour, Christ the Lord." Second Reading: Titus 2:11-14 Gospel Acclamation: Luke 2:10-11. Alleluia, alleluia!. Good News and great joy to all the world: today is born our Saviour, Christ the Lord. Alleluia! Gospel: Luke 2:1-14 Image: Shutterstock Licensed. ID: 345281795 - Hand drawn vector illustration with nativity scene. Baby jesus born in Bethlehem. -Important information - Release information: Signed property release on file with Shutterstock, Inc. Formats EPS - 4000 × 2000 pixels • 33.9 × 16.9 cm • DPI 300 • JPG - Contributor - Halfpoint References: Fr Paul W. Kelly Fr Carroll Stuhlmueller CP – Biblical mediations for advent and Christmas season p194, 197ff. " Luke's Gospel" - Barclay, William. 1975. The Daily Study Bible. Edinburgh: St Andrew Press. FR RICHARD LEONARD, SJ. QUOTED IN "THE TABLET" PAGE 7, 15TH DECEMBER, 2018. TAKEN FROM REFLECTIONS IN "What Are We Waiting For? Finding Meaning in Advent & Christmas" Richard Leonard, SJ. Paulist Press New York / Mahwah, NJ. Copyright © 2014 by Richard Leonard, SJ. He also quotes Rev. John Bell of the Iona Community in one of his beautiful poems: Iris and Ron Burnell , (supplied). +++ Archive of homilies and reflections: http://homilycatholic.blogspot.com.au To contact Fr. Paul, please email: paulwkelly68@gmail.com To listen to my weekly homily audio podcast, please click this link here. https://soundcloud.com/user-633212303/tracks You are welcome to subscribe to Fr Paul's homily mail-out by sending an email to this address: paulkellyreflections+subscribe@googlegroups.com Further information relating to the audio productions linked to this Blog: "Faith, Hope and Love - Christian worship and reflection" - Led by Rev Paul Kelly Roman Missal, 3rd edition, 2010, (ICEL) Scriptures - New Revised Standard Version: © 1989, and 2009 by the NCC-USA. "The Psalms" by The Grail - 1963, 2009. Prayers of the Faithful - Robert Borg "Together we pray" - (1993) . St. Ralph Sherwin Gloria - written and sung By Jeffrey M. Ostrowski. 2011 ccwatershed.org. Christmas Hymn - "Word Made Flesh" by Paul W. Kelly. Based upon: John's Gospel 1:14, 1 John 4:9 , & Isaiah 9:2, 6, 7. (Written on 8/5/20; 10/9/20). Arranged and sung by Stefan Kelk, with adjusted lyrics. 2020. https://www.airgigs.com/user/stefankelk Traditional hymns: O Holy Night (Vocal Duet), Joy to the World (Choir), Away in a Manger (Choir), performed by the Bobby Cole Chamber Choir, licensed via Shockwave-Sound.com ( https://www.shockwave-sound.com) [ Production - KER - 2021] May God bless and keep you.

As we near the completion of the Meditation in Life series, we learn in this episode, in order to be successful in meditation, we have to disown externality and observe any subtle occurrences of the mind as we delve deeper into silence. Once silence is achieved, we should not attempt to describe it or remember it, rather just receive it!Want to catch up on the first year of Meditation in Life? Start here.For those on the journey of self-development, Chinmaya Mission Niagara provides a community forum to listen, reflect, and contemplate. This podcast is produced by young adults of Chinmaya Mission, an international non-profit organization working to transform individuals through the knowledge of Vedanta.

The world's foremost expert on healing and loss has discovered a new stage of grief - Meaning. In his newest book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, David Kessler shares new insights that are key in post traumatic growth.

This is the last episode before we take a podcasting break for the holidays. See you back here in January 2022!  And yes, we're trying out a new name. The focus of the podcast has become broader than the topic of “taking a gap year.” So the new name is [B]OLDER: Making the most of growing older. In other words, boldly reinventing life and work at midlife and beyond. Debbie is always on the lookout for guests who can lend a new perspective to the concept of time and our perception of how much of it we have. So when she read Oliver Burkeman's new book, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, she knew he had to come on the show. Plus the book is terrific and it's getting lots of notice.The first sentence is “The average human life span is absurdly, terrifyingly, insultingly short.” In other words, about 4,000 weeks.Oliver is a British author and journalist who wrote a popular weekly column, This Column Will Change Your Life, for The Guardian for over a decade. He has reported from London, Washington and New York and recently moved with his wife and son from Brooklyn, NY back to Yorkshire in the UK to be near his family. He has established himself as a tongue-in-cheek expert on productivity and time management and how that does - or does not - lead to happiness. He sums up his new book very nicely in his Twitter profile: explaining that 4,000 Weeks is about embracing limitation and finally getting round to what matters. As he's 46, he's only lived about 2,400 of those 4,000 weeks himself but he tells Debbie in this episode  that he may be getting closer to a better relationship with time.Debbie and Oliver talk about time and self-worth, why we are so future-oriented, the connection between time and happiness, and why it might be okay that we use social media as a distraction. Oliver is a contrarian thinker but he's truly interested in how to build a meaningful life. Debbie had a number of aha moments in this conversation and listeners will too! Mentioned in this episode or useful:Oliver Burkeman's website@oliverburkeman on TwitterFour Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2021)The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman (Farrar, Straus and Giroux; Reprint edition, 2013)This Column Will Change Your Life (The Guardian, 2006 - 2020)Jung on the Provisional Life (Jungian Center for the Spiritual Sciences)Who is Marie-Louise von Franz? (David C. Hamilton, Jungian Psychoanalyst, IAAP)Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2008)What is Flow in Psychology? (PositivePsychology.com, November 25 2021)Understanding Nonlinear Time (The Four Winds, November 27 2018)Chronos vs Kairos: How Ancient Greeks Saw Time (McKinley Valentine, November 3 2020)Telic vs atelic activities, and the meaning of life (Philosophy as a Way of Life, September 27 2019)Midlife: A Philosophical Guide by Kieran Setiya (Princeton University Press, 2017)Kieran Setiya Note from DebbieIf you've been enjoying the podcast, please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts. It takes less than two minutes and it really makes a difference. It makes me feel loved and it also attracts new listeners.Subscribe to my newsletter and get my free writing guide: https://bitly.com/debbie-free-guide.Connect with me:Twitter: @debbieweilInstagram: @debbieweilFacebook: @debbieweilLinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/debbieweilBlog: Gap Year After SixtyEmail: thegapyearpodcast@gmail.com- Debbie We Are Looking For a Sponsor or Podcast NetworkIf you are interested in reaching a smart and thoughtful audience of midlife, and older, listeners, contact Debbie Weil. Media PartnersNext For MeEncore.orgMEA Support this podcast:Leave a review on Apple Podcasts: it will help us find a sponsor! If you are interested, contact Debbie WeilSubscribe via Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher or Spotify Credits:Host: Debbie WeilProducer: Far Out MediaPodcast websiteMusic: Lakeside Path by Duck Lake

For Beverly Shoemaker, finding meaning and purpose in her life was extremely difficult after her husband ended his own life three years after their son, Nick, died. Her husband's decision to take his own life left Bev in an even darker place, filled with anger, bitterness, and deep depression. Bev thought she would never ever […] The post 137: Finding Meaning and Purpose Again (with Bev Shoemaker) appeared first on GPS Hope.

Intro.(1:19) - Start of interview.(2:03) - Jackie's "origin story". She grew up in South Africa where she studied psychology and later got her bachelor's degree in economics and management from Oxford, where she studied as a Rhodes Scholar. Her focus on corporate governance research started in 1998 after taking a research fellowship position at the Center for Business Research at Cambridge University under Professor Simon Deakin, that included a series of reviews of the UK company law.(5:10) - How she continued her corporate governance research from Cambridge to Seattle, where she joined the Corporate Library in 2001.(6:29) - On why she started Fund Votes in 2007, that focused on a new disclosure that had been required by the SEC in 2003 for the first time, on mutual-fund and exchange-traded fund proxy voting data. Her personal interest veered towards the environmental and social issues, where she did some early work with AFLCME and AFL-CIO (labor groups focused on compensation and pay disparity), Ceres (focused on sustainability) and other advocacy groups like IEHN, CPA, and others. She focused on shareholder resolution campaigns using the mutual fund and ETF voting data to evaluate how asset managers were thinking about these longer term ESG matters.(8:35) - On Fund Votes acquisition by Morningstar in 2018. "For a long time Fund Votes was more of a lifestyle company for me, but around 2012 when say-on-pay got mandated by Dodd Frank, the data became more relevant and I invested more time and resources to build the company."(10:13) -Her current focus at Morningstar as Director, Stewardship, Product Strategy & Development, producing some thought leadership with proxy voting data. She worked a lot with Jon Hale, head of sustainability research for the Americas at Morningstar, to integrate the systems and IP that Fund Votes brought into the platform.(12:33) - Her latest article on how Say-on-Pay has failed to rein in CEO compensation, and how it could be used to bind climate targets to executive pay. Say-on-pay is an "untapped source of strategic influence for investors". Two positives from say-on-pay: it created more engagement between companies and investors (shining a light on pay practices), and created "new real estate" in the proxy ballot "and that's valuable."(22:17) - On the rising prominence of ESG in corporate governance. "The big shift has been to realize that the 'E' and the 'S' factors present systemic risks. On climate change, it was the ‘unburnable carbon' report published by Carbon Tracker (2007) that first put the issue in the mainstream for investors. The Paris Climate Agreement (2015) solidified these systemic risk matters."(26:05) - On the increasing influence and concentration of voting power in a few large asset managers.(29:56) - On the Exxon Mobil Proxy Contest with Engine No.1. and other strategic voting campaigns. "On the Exxon vote, the key was the support of the pension funds. Asset owners move the dial ('they are the real opinion leaders on corporate governance proxy voting'). The asset managers take their cue from asset owners."(31:49) - On the role of insiders and dual-class shares in proxy voting, and "hidden control preventing resolutions from passing". From her article: the 2021 Proxy Voting in 7 Charts. Examples include Larry Ellison (Oracle), Mark Zuckerberg (Meta), Warren Buffett (Berkshire Hathaway), Walmart, Alphabet, Tyson Foods, etc.(36:46) - On the rise of the Investor Stewardship Movement. "How stewardship codes, ordinary investors, investor advocacy organizations and collaborative investor initiatives have become a much more powerful force in the market."(40:43) - On the role of directors, ESG board committees, board composition and diversity.(44:12) - What are the issues to look out for the next Proxy Season in 2022:There will be a lot of pre-season engagements and perhaps a record proportion of withdrawals. Directors will be busy!Corporate Lobbying will be under the spotlight.Climate Target setting (de-carbonation pathways).Racial equity audits and diversity generally.Pay.(46:46) - Her favorite books:To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee (1960)The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf (1990)Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life by James Hollis (2005)(47:39) - Her (informal) mentors:Rommel Roberts, peace activist from South Africa.Manton Hirst, professor at Rhodes University.(48:47) - Quotes that she thinks of often, or lives her life by:"Wat jou nie doodmaak nie, maak jou sterker" (what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, in Afrikaans)"Perfect is the enemy of the good" (perfection is a self-indulgence)(49:52) - An unusual habit that she loves: reading Afrikaans police thrillers (particularly by Deon Meyer).(51:25) - The living person she most admires: Kumi Naidoo (a South African human rights and environmental activist).Jackie Cook is Director, Stewardship, Product Strategy & Development in Sustainalytics' Stewardship services team at Morningstar. Follow Jackie on Twitter: @FundVotesIf you like this show, please consider subscribing, leaving a review or sharing this podcast on social media. __ You can follow Evan on social media at:Twitter @evanepsteinLinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/epsteinevan/ Substack https://evanepstein.substack.com/Music/Soundtrack (found via Free Music Archive): Seeing The Future by Dexter Britain is licensed under a Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License

Today's guest is Catt Sadler. She is a three-time Emmy-winning journalist with twenty years on-air experience. Catt is well known for her work on E! Entertainment where she spent more than a decade contributing to E! News, E! News Weekend, Daily Pop, Live From E! and a myriad of network specials. She's also been a fixture on the red carpet covering high-caliber events and interviewing celebrities during awards season. Today she hosts the "It Sure is a Beautiful Day" podcast where she motivates her listeners to become the best version of themselves.    Today's conversation is going to go in a completely different direction as we are going to spend quite a bit of time talking about her personal life and get into subjects such as healing, parenting, relationships, spirituality, personal growth and more!     What I discuss with Catt: 0:00 Intro 2:46 Does Catt like blind dates?! 3:34 Catt shares her journey of “being enough” 6:22 What prompted her healing journey? 9:56 What caused her to repeat unhealthy patterns? 12:47 Leaving something that is no longer serving you… 17:06 The fitness achievement that changed Catt's life 20:26 Her unhealthy habits while she was working in entertainment  22:39 Life after leaving E! (Including how she reinvented herself) 29:55 What were the game changers in her healing journey? 35:52 Finding MEANING in the adversity  38:12 Was there a setback that became a BLESSING? 44:03 Handling difficult conversations 46:07 This interview she did went VIRAL 49:39 Top lessons she's learned in 2021 (one might SURPRISE YOU)   Episode resources:  Connect with Catt on IG here Listen to her podcast here   Thank you to today's sponsor:   Organifi: Receive 20% off your order by going to: www.organifi.com/doug

I have a conversation with Existential Delight, a South African Youtuber which described his channel as the opposite of an existential crisis. We discuss the pursuit of meaning in troubling, chaotic times, Christianity, G.K. Chesterton, existentialism, and more.

Raising your own meat can be painful at first, but I know that our animals have a better life than they would have on a commercial farm. I KNOW that to be true, so I can take joy in nurturing our livestock and making sure our meat is humanely raised and processed. I can accept the circle of life as a sad reality of the fallen world we live in. Follow us on Instagram @hardyhousehomestead --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Welcome to Episode 39 of the Trail Running Ireland Podcast. In this weeks podcast Head Coach Rene Borg of Running Coach Ireland talks to us about the importance of finding meaning to our training which will then help the emotional output and subsequently the physical output of our training, leading to better results all round.Lar Heffernan from the Irish Mountain Trail Runners club also talks to us about the origins of the club, their training and the general feel good factor about this exciting new development in Trail Running in Ireland. If anyone else would like to help the show, please take a minute to go to Patreon.com, and for 3e to 6e a month, the price of a gel, you can help to keep the lights on in the podcast recording studio/ie. the living room:-)https://www.patreon.com/trailrunningirelandpodcastWe will never put paywalls up for our content as our aim is to grow the sport of Trail and Mountain Running in Ireland in a fun and free way for our listeners.Everybody, get your running gear on, lets go!

Michele Benyo became a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist after her six-year-old son died from cancer. After witnessing her young daughter's intense grief over the loss of her brother, she knew she had to help other parents whose children are grieving the loss of their sibling. Michelle provides incredible insight on the ways in which children grieve and she shares tips for parents who are trying to support their bereaved kid(s). Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Support the Podcast Michele Benyo's website: https://goodgriefparenting.com    Transcript Alyssa Scolari [00:00]: Hey, hey, hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Light After Trauma podcast. I am your host, Alyssa Scolari, and I hope you all had a lovely holiday. I know we are really in the thick of the holiday season. And I also know it has been a while since we have had a guest on the show, and we are changing that up today. I appreciate Michele's grace. She is going to be our guest today, Michele Benyo. And I appreciate her grace because I have had to reschedule our interview quite a few times due to some health issues that I have been having lately. I'm just very grateful that she is here on the show today. We have a great episode lined up for you. Alyssa Scolari [01:08]: So I'm going to tell you a little bit about who Michele is. Michele Benyo is a mom of two. She's a certified grief recovery specialist, an early childhood parent coach, and the founder of Good Grief Parenting. After her six-year-old son died of cancer, her three-year old daughter said, "Mommy, half of me is gone." This heartbreaking statement defined Michele's life purpose. Alyssa Scolari [01:38]: Her mission is twofold. To help parents through the unimaginable challenges of parenting while grieving the death of a child. And to help parents meet the unique needs of a child who has lost a sibling in the early childhood years. The desire of Michele's heart is to see families live forward after loss toward a future bright with possibilities and even joy. Alyssa Scolari [02:07]: So this is going to be, I take a deep breath and I encourage you all to take a deep breath with me because this is going to be a difficult, but hopefully very inspiring and supportive conversation. And I am just very grateful to have Michele here us today. So without further ado, let us introduce our first guest that we have had in quite a while on the show. Hi, Michele. Michele Benyo [02:36]: Hi Alyssa. I'm so happy to be here. Alyssa Scolari [02:40]: I'm so happy to have you. Again, thank you for your grace. It really means a lot to me. I know lots of the listeners are aware that I've had some health issues going on. I know as I mentioned just a few moments ago, I've had to reschedule Michele quite a few times, so thank you. I'm so happy to have you here. Alyssa Scolari [03:02]: We're talking about a tough topic today. To be perfectly transparent, I am a trauma therapist, so death of course is part of what I work with. But every therapist has certain things that they might not necessarily work with because it might be too triggering for them. And for me, I cannot see people who have lost children, because I have a hard time managing my own emotions around that. Alyssa Scolari [03:41]: This conversation is a very new one for me as well, and I'm really looking forward to hearing your story and learning, because in the learning, I'm hoping that it's going to help me to be able to help more people. Thank you for being here. I guess the first question that I'll ask you is, can you just let us know a little bit about your story? Michele Benyo [04:06]: Yes. Of course. Just to say that your reaction to child loss is so natural of course. I mean it's called the worst loss for a reason. And when I experienced child loss, I didn't know what to do with it. My story was that I was an early childhood parent educator. I had the best job in the world. I got to go to work every day and be with families of young children. Michele Benyo [04:33]: And I was myself, a mom of two young children. My son was four and a half. My daughter was 15 months. And then he got cancer. He was diagnosed with cancer at that age. And I didn't know what to do with that. That's not normal natural child development. And we had to go through a two and a half year journey. And my families in my classes went through it with us. Michele Benyo [05:02]: My son was an amazing teacher as well. He was a very tenderhearted boy and I just thought, oh, this child can't go through this. But he really went through it very well, like a trooper. I mean, he fought it, and that was alarming to me sometimes because he was really aggressive at times. But the doctors and nurses said, no, we want them to have some fight. Those are the kids who make it. Michele Benyo [05:29]: But my daughter was 15 months when her brother was diagnosed. They were very close. And when he died, she was three and a half. And she said to me, "Mommy, half of me is gone." The journey was hard enough, but then realizing what this had done to her, my loss was devastating, but hers was more heartbreaking than mine because here I have a three and a half year old daughter who is facing the rest of her life with half of her gone. Michele Benyo [06:08]: And I knew that was a true statement because of what I know about early childhood development and just the formation of identity and just the impact that this kind of emotional trauma can have on a child's development in those formative years. So I was desperate not to let her grow up broken, with half of her gone. And I thought, well, I'm in the right field. I know where the resources are, but I wasn't able to find any. Michele Benyo [06:40]: And I should say this was 20 years ago. My son died in the year 2000, and my daughter's now 25. I raised her up, learned a lot of things. There were no resources then. And I did need to figure it out on my own. There are a few more resources now, but I still find that siblings and anyone, any one of your listeners who is a bereaved sibling, whatever age, knows how overlooked that demographic is when it comes to grief, and especially really young children. Michele Benyo [07:20]: Not many of them articulate what my daughter did. We don't want to upset kids. Like you say, when a child dies and when a child's exposed to loss, we want to stay away from it. We don't want to deal with it. So I had to figure it out. And now what I learned over my 20 years of just getting my hands on everything I could is what I want to bring to families through Good Grief Parenting, which is the work that I do with parents who are raising young children after losing a child. Alyssa Scolari [07:57]: Yes. Before we began recording, I was going through and preparing and reading about what you do. And I thought to myself, this is such an important niche of people who are almost unnoticed in their grief process. It is unheard of. And I think back, the training I've had, and we have never ever shown any kind of spotlight on children who have lost siblings. I mean specifically children, early childhood, and what that looks like. Alyssa Scolari [08:34]: There is rarely ever a safe space for parents who lose a child, but still have one or multiple children to raise. What do we do? So, A, thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm so thankful. Can you talk a little bit about how did you get to beginning this? Like where was that moment that you shifted from, okay, I need to not just ... Okay, I'm helping myself with this, but you know what? I need to do more. Where did that shift happen for you? Michele Benyo [09:21]: Honestly, Alyssa, that shift happened right away, because I was an early childhood parent educator. It was what I do. Even though I had other careers, I was a high school teacher, I was a communications coordinator. Other careers before I did this, I started doing early childhood parent ed when I had my son. Michele Benyo [09:45]: And it was really where my heart was making good things happen for children and the adults who loved them and raised them. And that was in my heart kind of because of my own upbringing, feeling a little bit misunderstood as a child. My parents weren't bad parents by any means, but I learned I wanted to parent differently. Michele Benyo [10:06]: So I always had my eye on that piece. And here came something in my own life that was so huge that I didn't know anything about, even with my training. So I knew then that as I was going, I would need to, especially when I found nothing else out there that I would need to do this. But as I said, that was 20 years ago. Michele Benyo [10:30]: And I founded Good Grief Parenting only within the last five years, because my own grief and my own journey and my own focus on my daughter was so primary for me, I just wasn't able to really ... I knew I wasn't able to step into other people's stories yet. And now I am. Now she's raised. And so it really was very early on that I recognized that whatever I was able to glean, I was going to need to share. So this has been in my mind and has been sharpened and adjusted and learned over the last 20 years. Alyssa Scolari [11:14]: Wow! Now, can you talk a little bit about what's very important for adults and for parents to know about the way that younger children grieve in cases and tragedies like this? Michele Benyo [11:35]: I think I would address that by saying that where I start in working with families is looking at what we believe about grief and how we handle grief as a society. And the way we handle it as a society with adults is that it's something to avoid, something that we don't want to talk about. We don't want to bother the griever. And with children, that is so easy to do because they don't usually look like they're grieving. So what we know about children. Michele Benyo [12:06]: A story that I have about my daughter that gives me, again, just conviction in this statement that even really young children grieve, which not that many years ago, we didn't really believe they did. My daughter, as I mentioned was 15 months old when her brother went to the hospital. For the very first time he had to stay overnight. His dad went with him. We had been through a couple weeks of figuring out what wrong with him and getting this devastating diagnosis. Michele Benyo [12:37]: And that night I was home with her. And she was, as I said, 15 months old. Was wailing. She started wailing and making just an inhuman sound. It was alarming to me. I was scared of how she sounded. She was wandering around the house upstairs and down to the garage door and up to David's bed and just wandering. And as I would try to go to her and comfort her, she'd push me away and throw herself on the floor. Michele Benyo [13:11]: She was distraught with every cell in her little body. And I wasn't a mess. I was pretty composed, but she had been in our home when this disruption was happening. And she had absorbed it and she knew her brother and her dad were gone. And this was, she was grieving. She was grieving the loss of her security. And so that coupled with what she was able to say to me two and a half years later, made me just really, really understand how deeply young children grieve. Michele Benyo [13:48]: And so, they don't show it. Even after she said, mommy, half of me is gone, if you looked at her, she didn't. You wouldn't see in her like you might see in me that she was grieving. And we tend not to talk to them because we don't want to upset them. But I knew enough by the time we went through this, that she had been very involved with the whole journey, because we weren't going to leave her with neighbors and friends while the three of us were together. Not after that first night where she reacted the way she did. Michele Benyo [14:25]: She was with us in the children's hospital, and so she was very exposed to it. And I just knew that we would talk about this. That we were open about it. And I had to educate other adults around her that Deanna will talk about her brother. We talk about her brother. You'll talk about her brother. So the other thing is recognizing that kids need and want to talk about what they've been through. Whatever kind of trauma it is, they really need to be able to give it voice. Alyssa Scolari [15:00]: Yeah. And I think that that's very important to say that children grieve so much differently, and it's just not in the way that adults would grieve because typically for any type of loss, even adults who experience loss, there are simply no words. There are no words that could ever exist that convey what grief feels like. So as adults, we struggle to find the language. Alyssa Scolari [15:28]: So you look at a young child who doesn't even have their full range of vocabulary. Their brains are barely developed, and their grief is simply not going to come out in words, it's going to come out in other ways. Like you said, your daughter was throwing herself on the floor because grief and trauma is stored, first and foremost, in your body, before you even have words. Michele Benyo [15:53]: Yes. It will be in their play. That's why play therapy is so effective with children. That's what we did with Deanna in the beginning. She was three and a half, and we found a play therapist for her, so that that person could just listen to her and watch her play and talk to her about what she was playing because she was playing about bun bun. Her nickname was bunny. Michele Benyo [16:19]: They play about the person who died, and they might play about a funeral or some kind of thing like that, and we can learn so much by just paying attention to what they're doing. Like you say often, their play might be very aggressive and physical. And their behavior may be what we mistake as misbehavior, because they don't know how to get it out any other way. Alyssa Scolari [16:48]: Exactly. Exactly. Absolutely. Now, talking about play therapy, with Good Grief Parenting, can you explain like the general approach in your Good Grief Parenting? As I understand it, and please correct me if I'm wrong, you work with both the children who have lost a sibling as well as parents? Or do you work with the parents to help them to help their children? Michele Benyo [17:12]: I work with the parents. I don't work with the children because parents are going to be with these kids for the rest of their lives. And these kids are going to have needs for the rest of their lives. I came across a quote early on in my building of Good Grief Parenting. And it is so perfect to kind of explain what I do. And it's a quote by an author named Anne Roiphe, who wrote a book after her husband died. And in it, she said, there are two parts to grief. The first part is loss. And the second part is the remaking of life. Michele Benyo [17:49]: So when we have the support groups and the things that are there right after we've had the loss. Deanna went to support groups at the hospital, so did I. But then after our eight weeks, the rest of her life is ahead of her. I as a parent understood, and probably more than a lot of parents, because I was in the field of early childhood development, that this was going to affect so much about her life for the rest of her life. And how did I parent her with that grief-informed approach to parenting, and there was no one out there doing that? Michele Benyo [18:25]: So I really am the longer term look at raising these children, not just getting through the loss, because play therapy helps with that. The support groups and the art activities and the things that help kids process it, help with that. But then what about the rest of their lives when they're encountering all kinds of secondary losses? They go to school and do their little stories on their family and they are ... Deanna's sibling, I coin the term sibling by heart, because she's a sibling, but her brother isn't alive to look at her. She looks like an only. She's not an only. There's a big difference between a child who's born an only, and a child who is an only because their sibling died. Michele Benyo [19:21]: Yeah. So a lot of needs, a lot of behaviors that children are going to express. When a child experiences the loss of a sibling at a young age, they're going to reprocess that over and over again as they get older and have a better understanding of what that means to them and how that affected their life and changed their life, and the void that's there. Michele Benyo [19:46]: So I work with parents for the long haul. I am a certified grief specialist, and we start there, because before the parent can help the child, they need to make sure their needs are being met. And their grief is being held gently because you can't help your child with grief if you can't help yourself with grief. I start with that piece, and get parents stabilized in recognizing how some of the things we think about grief, that we avoid it. We don't talk about it. We don't talk to kids. How to do those things differently and in more healthy ways. And then we move into just, really, what does parenting look like? Alyssa Scolari [20:31]: Yeah. Yeah. So I really appreciate that you help. What I hear you saying is you help people in the, when they are more or less emerging from the immediate crisis and the acute trauma. I think that's very important because that's when so many people and so many supports pull out. Are you familiar with David Kessler? Michele Benyo [20:57]: Yes. Mm-hmm [affirmative]. Mm-hmm [affirmative]. Alyssa Scolari [21:01]: The book, was it The Sixth Stage of Grief book, Finding Meaning? I believe he put out a book a few years ago. I believe it's The Sixth Stage of Grief. I've talked about it on the podcast, so the listeners, I'm sure you've heard me talk about this before, is a phenomenal book. But one of the things that he talks about, and then I think so many people who come into my office who have had any kind of loss struggle with is in the beginning, when a loss first happens, everybody gathers round, and everybody is there and people are bringing food and people are checking in. Alyssa Scolari [21:34]: And then typically after the memorial service or the funeral or whatever kind of service there may be, it dies off. That is when things get so difficult, because of all of the, like you said, secondary losses. So that is where you come in to help support parents when they're sort of like, okay, now what? Now how do I keep breathing? Michele Benyo [22:07]: Yes. Yeah. That is just so difficult. And that is really, I think, where the difference about child loss is so apparent. I mean, that happens with any griever, supports go away later. But when it's a child, it's like it's this triple taboo topic to talk about the fact that a child died. And so people just don't want to entertain it. They don't want to upset the family, the parents, and they don't want to think about it because they've got their own little kids, and they don't want to think about the possibility that they could experience that. Michele Benyo [22:46]: I even remember that for myself. I had some friends who had serious things with their kids before my son was diagnosed. And I remember finding myself feeling bad for those families and thinking sort of statistically or whatever, that that was probably the closest I was going to get to it. Somehow thought that knowing these other families that were experiencing this meant that I wouldn't, in some crazy way. And then there I was. Yeah. Our relationships change so drastically with the people around us. Alyssa Scolari [23:30]: Yeah. They really do. They really do. Now, can you speak a little bit about the stages of grief. I know we were talking a little bit about this before we hit that record button. But for so many people out there, and I know that a quite a few listeners of the podcasts are therapists. And a lot of us, when it comes to grief, we are taught what feels like a very simple formula. Grief, here are the five stages. Now, David Kessler has now, there is a six stage, which is finding meaning. Tell me about your thoughts and your opinions on these stages of grief and how they are used, and if they are accurate to what people truly feel? Michele Benyo [24:24]: I don't think they are accurate. And I don't think they're helpful because so many people lean on it. I remember when I lost my son, I knew nothing about grief. And I had friends, people who were not professional in any way, quoting these stages to me, that I was now going to go through. And I didn't go through them. I didn't in any way, shape or form. And I kept thinking, why aren't I angry? Why aren't I this? Why aren't I that? And I felt like I was doing grief wrong. And I kept looking for these things to happen to me. Michele Benyo [25:12]: And I think the reason that there's so many articles out there and people out there who really misuse those stages, and I think that's the danger about them because Elisabeth Kübler-Ross didn't design these as the stages of grief. She stated these stages as what a person goes through when they themselves have had a terminal diagnosis, which is very different. Because I think if I had been diagnosed myself, those stages would've been a bit more apparent in me. Michele Benyo [25:48]: But I think so many people are not really trained in grief, and they grab a hold of what they've heard, and they want to offer something to the griever, so they offer this. And I have been just so appreciative to see that there are many other ways of viewing grief that are now available. I like to think about how William Worden talks about the different tasks that we have. And I love that we now talk about how significant continuing bonds are as opposed to what Freud used to tell us, which is get over the relationship and move on. Michele Benyo [26:30]: And so I think, as you know, because you work with people who go through trauma and you don't see ... People don't go through it the same. They all go through it in their own way. And you need to really, as you know, look at what they're experiencing, and honor that. And help people through it without them feeling like there's a particular way that they're supposed to do it. Michele Benyo [26:55]: So I stay away from the stages myself because I look at some of the other things that are going to be happening in the families that they're going to need to be dealing with. And the fact that since I look at sibling loss and early childhood sibling loss, that griever that I'm focused on, the sibling is going to change in so many ways as they mature and develop cognitively and experientially. Their grief is going to change drastically. Alyssa Scolari [27:28]: Yes. I'm sure it's continuously changing. Always. Now, I just want to make sure I heard you correctly because this is a fascinating little fact that I don't think many people know. Did you say that the five stages of grief were originally created in response to a person being diagnosed with a terminal illness? Michele Benyo [27:47]: Yes. Yeah. They were not the stages of grief. They were the stages that a person goes through, who's been diagnosed with a terminal illness. So, yeah. Kind of a different take. Alyssa Scolari [27:59]: Okay. So if I learned that in grad school, I apologize to my professors because that is so interesting how we have taken that and sort of just generalized it to all grief. All grief. That is really, really fascinating. So with your approach, what would you say, because I know sometimes you talk about the four keys to helping young children heal from grief. Can you share those with us? Michele Benyo [28:29]: Yes. I have a Good Grief Parenting framework that is sort of four pillars. I call them heartbeats. But then I also just offer these four simple things that I think any adult who works with children because ... So Michele's telling us now that we're supposed to deal with this with our kids, and we're supposed to talk to them. That feels scary, I think, to a lot of adults. Michele Benyo [28:56]: And so, first of all, the first key is, as I said, take care of yourself and make sure that you're meeting your own needs. And that doesn't mean just bubble baths and walks in the woods. It means figuring out what it is that you really need in the midst of this crisis that you're having, and this devastating loss that you've experienced. Michele Benyo [29:21]: And then making sure that you are speaking up for yourself and getting your needs met and taking time to do that and getting the support you need, even though you have young children. Parenting and grieving are the two toughest roles that adults and families have. And when you've got to do them at the same time, how do you do that? So self-care has to come first. As important as your little person is, and they are, they're relying on you totally, you need to take care of yourself first. Michele Benyo [29:58]: And then the other key is recognizing that rather than shying away from the loss and kind of avoiding it and kind of not wanting to bring it up to upset anybody, that continuing bonds piece of building the relationship and continuing it forward in new ways is so important for yourself and for your child because that sibling bond doesn't end. I have met adults who lost a sibling as a young child whose parents never talked about that child again. And they grew up with this void and with this feeling that something was off that they could never quite deal with. Michele Benyo [30:43]: And some of the research that I discovered later as I continue to look at this really showed that people who kept that relationship, bereaved siblings, bereaved as children who kept that relationship felt good about it. Felt good that they had it, even though their sibling wasn't there. So that continuing bonds, finding ways to honor that child in your family or that loved one in your family is a healing thing. So when people tell you, you shouldn't keep your child's things in the house or get rid of their picture or whatever, your gut feeling that, no, I want to keep these here, is correct. You are the one that knows what's best for you. So continuing bonds is a second key. Michele Benyo [31:35]: And the third one is conversation, having conversations with your child around this loss and around other griefs as well. I share the story of all of us experience grief in childhood first, and it's not always the death of a loved one. For me, the first grief that I remember was the loss of a floating toy. I was at the lake, and he got away. Wally the walrus, my riding floating toy that was so fun, got away from me, and he started to float off. And the adults who could swim, tried to get him, but the wind took him out of reach. Michele Benyo [32:19]: And I had to stand on the beach and watch him float. I watched him until he was a dot on the horizon. And I felt, I mean to this day, and that was decades ago, to this day I feel that feeling of, oh, I've lost him. He's gone. I'm never going to get him back. And that's what grief is. Mark Twain has a quote that says, and I'm paraphrasing it, but it's in all matters of grief, a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are losses of the same weight. Michele Benyo [32:59]: The fourth key then is to honor grief, to honor childhood grief, so that kids can learn that grief is natural. Yes, it was just a toy, which is what many of us as adults would say, and we can get a new one. Or the dog is hit by a car, we'll get a new puppy. Well, fine, but it won't be that puppy. I mean grief is something that we need to help children recognize is very real and normal and natural. And we experience it, we experience loss, and then this is how we live forward. Those are the four keys. Michele Benyo [33:43]: The first one is that self-care. The second one is maintain continuing bonds. The third one is to invite conversation. And the fourth one is to honor grief, even children's grief. If I lost Wally the walrus today, it wouldn't be a case for grief with me, because I'm an adult, but it was for me as a child. Alyssa Scolari [34:06]: It was. Absolutely. Michele Benyo [34:07]: Yeah. Alyssa Scolari [34:08]: Incredible advice. Absolutely incredible. Thank you for that. I've learned so, so much, and I can only imagine that the listeners have learned so much too. Even phrases like siblings by heart and secondary loss, these are things that are not talked about a lot, but are so, so crucial and vital. We've also talked a lot about the importance of communication. How it is so important to continue this conversation. Now, is that what you would say is one of the biggest mistakes that parents or adults would make regarding children and grief? Michele Benyo [34:50]: Yes. I would put it at the very top. Alyssa Scolari [34:52]: Very top. Michele Benyo [34:55]: Yeah. That idea that we don't want to talk about it. Like my daughter, when she was 15 months old, she was picking up the vibes. I mean, when they're around us and we're experiencing this, they pick up on it. They're very perceptive. They're watching us. They're listening to us. They're feeling us. Michele Benyo [35:19]: And if we don't tell them what's happening, they are going to feel very insecure, very worried, very scared. They're going to see us being upset, and they're going to wonder, is mom going to be able to take care of me? She's not herself. So talking to them is really the most important thing we can do. And we don't need to tell them everything. We just need to tell them enough so that they know what's going on. Of course, be age appropriate. Michele Benyo [35:51]: And one of the things that is so counterintuitive for adults is that we really should use the word dead and died. That's the only word that really tells the child what happened. If we use those other words, they don't quite know what that means. Alyssa Scolari [36:11]: Right. It's very confusing for children to say words or phrases like, your brother or sister gained their wings. Or your brother and sister are in heaven. Like it's very confusing for kids. Michele Benyo [36:22]: Yes. Yes. And it's true that young children, three and a half younger, don't necessarily know what dead means, but they get the vocabulary word, just like they get all the other for vocabulary words that we give them, and they grow into understanding it. And we can tell them, your brother died. He can't talk to you anymore. He can't feel. His body stopped working. And he can't do these things anymore. You can tell him that we bury him or whatever, or just that they're not going to see him again. Michele Benyo [37:03]: And then let their questions guide the information that you give them. And that's why as they get older and they understand it more, then they're going to ask some of the questions they maybe didn't ask earlier. But they still know that what happened is this thing called dead. And so they never have any doubt that they're not going to see this person again. Alyssa Scolari [37:26]: Exactly. Exactly. Thank you. Michele Benyo [37:28]: And they're not afraid of that the way we are. Adults don't want to use those words. I had to learn to say my son died. I had to learn to be able to get that phrase out to anybody, let alone my daughter, because we don't want to describe it that way. But to my daughter, it's just a word. It's what happened. Kids don't shy away from that word the way adults do. Alyssa Scolari [37:55]: Right. Kids do not attach the same level of heaviness or stigma or shame to so many words. That's something children learn as they grow into adults. We learn so much from children. Michele Benyo [38:09]: We do. Alyssa Scolari [38:10]: We really do. We really do. That's a whole another podcast- Michele Benyo [38:14]: That is. Alyssa Scolari [38:17]: Michele, thank you so much for being here today. If people would like to find you, where can people reach you? Michele Benyo [38:24]: They can reach me at my website, goodgriefparenting.com. Right at the top of that page, they can download a copy of my Good Grief Guide. So it's the Good Grief Guide on goodgriefparenting.com. And in the Good Grief Guide, I actually do provide more information about some of these ideas of grief that are misleading for us and how we cope with it. As well as suggestions for actually how to talk to kids, because that's the other thing. Okay, you tell me to talk to my child, how exactly do I do that? Michele Benyo [39:03]: So I would just ask all of your listeners to download this Good Grief Guide, whether or not you know anyone right now, any child right now who's grieving, so that you have it when you need it. Or you have it to share with someone who may need it. And you don't have to go looking for how to do this. And hopefully you never will need it, but you may, and you may be able to support someone else. And then if you want to reach me personally, my website is the place to do that as well. So that's goodgriefparenting.com. Alyssa Scolari [39:39]: Yes. That's even a great resource to keep on hand for the therapist. My therapist listeners, something I definitely will be keeping on hand for myself as well. You all know the drill, the link is in the show notes. So go on over, check that out. Alyssa Scolari [39:58]: Michele, thank you again for joining me and for being so vulnerable, sharing your story. This is a really hard thing to talk about, but I learned so much and I appreciate the work that you are doing, because you are not alone in what you have gone through, and you are speaking so that others can feel supported. Thank you so much for everything that you are doing. Michele Benyo [40:27]: Thank you, Alyssa. I was very happy to have the opportunity to be here. Thank you. Alyssa Scolari [40:33]: Thanks for listening everyone. For more information, please head over to lightaftertrauma.com, or you can also follow us on social media. On Instagram we are @lightaftertrauma. And on Twitter it is @lightafterpod. Lastly, please head over to patreon.com/lightaftertrauma to support our show. We are asking for $5 a month, which is the equivalent to a cup of coffee at Starbucks. So please head on over again, that's patreon.com/lightaftertrauma. Thank you. And we appreciate your support. [singing].

Death is universal part of the human experience. During our lives, we often must confront the painful reality of death around us, and eventually, we face that reality ourselves.What's odd is that despite death being at the core of the human experience, many people avoid talking or thinking about it. So when people pass away or we face a health scare that brings us into contact with the fragility of life, we often don't know what to do. In this episode, Calvin shares his experience with the death of two close loved ones: his mentor and his mom. He dives into the depths of those experiences, whether it's choosing to take his mother off life support or the psychedelic experience that helped him process his guilt. And most importantly, he shares what he's learned from years of grieving.We hope this episode serves as a jumping off point for people to speak more openly about death and to connect with the many people that have lost a close loved one.As a disclaimer:  If you are unable to listen to difficult topics like suicide, mental health, or sexual abuse, please do not listen to this episode.Resources:My Mom's Path to Suicide: Battling the Darkness in a Broken SystemI Will Make You Proud: A Eulogy for My MomThe Power of Mentorship and Paying it ForwardUnpacking Unit 73: Insights from Revisiting My Youth

The Key to Overcoming Obstacles in our Lives lies in a message from Marcus Aurelius: Objective judgement, now at this very moment. Unselfish action, now at this very moment. Willing acceptance-now at this very moment-of all external events. That's all you need. I hope you have an amazing week, and I'll see you back here tomorrow for another episode.  Thanks for listening. George Wright III

We discuss finding meaning in our lives. What gives us meaning? Why is meaning important? How can we find more time for the things that give us joy? AMY'S BOOK: Finding Peace with a Devastating Disease, by Amy Corfeli. CONNECT WITH US! INSTAGRAM: @in16yearsofendo WEBSITE AND RESOURCES: insixteenyears.com LIKE OUR SHOW? Please rate it or leave a review!

Listen and explore:How Alasdair is feeling todayHow we prioritize health in our financial decisionsTrusting in the wisdom of the bodyHiring and firing your health teamThe different dimensions of healthThe hard part about opening our hearts that no one talks about: it's painfulWhy numbing often has to be dealt with before we can healThe difference between curing and healingSymptoms are the body's way of talking to usMentioned on this episode:https://www.arielledemartinez.com/Yosemite Wilderness backpacking trip with Wild Withinwww.faroutkambo.comLet Your Life Speak: Listening to the Voice of Vocation by Parker J. PalmerConnect with us:Website: www.thefarout.lifeEmail us at info@thefarout.lifeWild Within @ www.thewildwithin.orgSupport this podcast:Discount link to purchase organic, raw ceremonial-grade cacao ethically sourced in Guatemala (a portion of proceeds support this podcast)Become a patron at: https://www.patreon.com/thefaroutcoupleMake one-time donation with PayPal (our account is aplambeck22@gmail.com)Leave a review on iTunes!Share this episode with a friend! :DCredits:Intro music: "Complicate ya" by Otis McDonaldOutro music: "Running with wise fools" written & performed by Krackatoa (www.krackatoa.com)

Episode Notes Paul Bloom is a Yale University professor of psychology and cognitive science, but he also dabbles in philosophy. He's written incredible books about morality, pleasure, and empathy, but his latest book is about how we find meaning and purpose through suffering. In this episode, we discuss suffering, pleasure, trauma, post-traumatic growth as well as essentialism and NFTs. Follow Paul on Twitter @paulbloomatyale Get a copy of The Sweet Spot Get your free books by Chris here: https://bit.ly/3vkRsb6 Follow @TheRewiredSoul on Twitter and Instagram Subscribe to The Rewired Soul Substack Support The Rewired Soul: Get books by Chris Support on Patreon Try BetterHelp Online Therapy (affiliate) Donate

Alan Lightman is an American writer, physicist and social entrepreneur. He served on the faculties of Harvard and MIT, and was the first person at MIT to receive dual faculty appointments in science and in the humanities. Currently, he serves as professor for the practice of the humanities at MIT. In his scientific research, he has made fundamental contributions to the astrophysics of black holes and cosmic radiative processes. He is the author of numerous books, both fiction and nonfiction, including Einstein's dreams, an international bestseller, The Diagnosis, a finalist for the National Book Award in Fiction, and his latest book, Probable Impossibilities: Musings on Beginnings and Endings, where he discusses questions of nothingness and infinity, the mind, and the specialness of life. Alan's essays and articles have appeared in the Atlantic, Granta, Harper's, Nautilus, The New Yorker, The New York Review of Books, Salon, and many other publications.   EPISODE SUMMARY In this conversation we talk about: Growing up in Memphis, Tennessee, and living between physics and the humanities What it was like to study physics at Princeton and Caltech Working with Richard Feynman Writing Einstein's Dreams The connection between physics and spirituality The topics of entropy and life The rarity of life On nothingness and infinity On the value of wasting time, and many other topics. This conversation with Alan Lightman is one of a dozen or more upcoming conversations with bestselling authors, thinkers, designers, scientists, and makers who are reimagining our world and experience. So please follow us on your favorite podcasting app, if you haven't already, so that you can make sure you don't miss them. And now, let's jump right in with Alan Lightman.   TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS [3:12] Life During Covid [6:40] Early Influences [12:42] On Writing and the Origin of Einstein's Dreams [17:53] A Convergence Between Physics and Spirituality [19:42] The Origin of the Universe [24:40] The Rarity of Life [29:06] A Distinction Between Life and Death [33:26] Nothingness and Infinity [36:39] Finding Meaning in a Multiverse [39:34] The Benefit of Wasting Time [42:33] A Sermon on Disconnection   EPISODE LINKS Alan's Links

Thank you for joining us in worship today! Pastor Bob discusses the way to find meaning and explores the purpose of our lives found in Psalm 57.

This week we are continuing a sermon series walking though the book of Ecclesiastes called VAPOR: Finding Meaning Under the Sun. What's the point? In life under the sun all seems to be vanity as we struggle to find our purpose and meaning apart from God. The message of this sermon of Ecclesiastes isn't “all of life is meaningless and nothing matters”; it's because of God as the source of all meaning, and goodness, as we live the life we are given EVERYTHING matters! Last week, we saw what it looks like when we put our hope in wealth alone, this week we'll see what it looks like when we foolishly avoid engaging with adversity in life. When I was visiting Washington DC We only had one day to visit all the Smithsonian Museums. That meant we only had an hour or so in each. It wasn't enough time to get to everything at a deep level but it did give us good idea of the layout of each one, it was profitable, and it gave me ideas of what I'd want to explore in depth later. The next few sermons are going to feel like some fast days at a bunch of different places.

This #RadLoveSaturday, we discuss the struggles we are currently facing and how we are trying to embrace the part of life we are in. While it can be easy to focus on the results and goals we want, we're working on finding meaning in the process. As they say, life's about the journey, not the destination!

Nov. 10, 2021 - Less than half of the students in grade 3 - 8 who traditionally take ELA and mathematics standardized assessments actually sat for the exams this past spring, but that doesn't mean local education officials can't glean important information from the results, says Dia Bryant, executive director of The Education-Trust NY.

Get up. Keep pressing. When your mind brings you down, overcome. You are the master of your own mind. Your mind is not lying to you but it's also not telling the truth. These black truths your mind is telling you are suppressants that the enemy is using to keep you from becoming who you are meant to be. Who you are meant to be is to become your offering. You offer yourself. As a living sacrifice. Why live like this? The conclusion that I've come to is that you sacrifice for the future. You deny yourself the present so that the future may be revealed. You don't always get to see the harvest of your sacrifice. The more you deny yourself the more your work is extended through space and time. Your harvest will be plentiful but you will not see it. This is my hope. That I would live my life in a way that sacrifices to the future so that the impact of my work could bless the generations to come after me. That is who I want to be. That is my aim. That is my center. I don't believe I have the strength to do this on my own. I will fail. But I will never give up. I will always keep pressing. And continue to remind myself. This is the life I want to live. A life of fulfillment. Get up.

This week we are continuing a sermon series walking though the book of Ecclesiastes called VAPOR: Finding Meaning Under the Sun. What's the point? In life under the sun all seems to be vanity as we struggle to find our purpose and meaning apart from God. The message of this sermon of Ecclesiastes isn't “all of life is meaningless and nothing matters”; it's because of God as the source of all meaning, and goodness, as we live the life we are given EVERYTHING matters! Last week, we saw how we approach God matters because He is worthy of our reverence and worship. This week we see what life looks like when we put our hope in wealth. The end of Chapter 5 and all of Chapter 6 are not written for an audience like ours. We like things to flow linearly, beginning, middle, end. Ancient Eastern cultures liked beginning, middle/end, beginning again. So if you read straight through this lengthy passage you build up to a pinnacle, only to quickly fall back down again. We're going to fly over the topic of wealth and satisfaction at 20,000' then we're going to drop down and circle the city getting more detailed accounts, before finally landing at a place of joy.

This week we are continuing a sermon series walking though the book of Ecclesiastes called VAPOR: Finding Meaning Under the Sun. What's the point? What's the point of life? What are we pursing? Where do we go to find wisdom, meaning, and purpose? What is the point of all our accomplishments? Where is our hope when we life is met with failure or even simple toil and boredom? Is this all there is to life? In life under the sun all seems to be vanity as we struggle to find our purpose and meaning apart from God. The message of this sermon of Ecclesiastes isn't all of life is meaningless and nothing matters; it's because of God as the source of all meaning, and goodness, as we live the life we are given EVERYTHING matters! Through the first four chapters; the vanity of Life “under the sun” apart from God has been explored and then reconsidered in light of God as the giver of all life. He has been held up as the sovereign King over a world that is still broken, plagued with injustice, and isolation. We saw God's design for our flourishing is being in community with one another. It's a specific type of community centered on and held together by God himself. We are typically centered on ourselves at worse or others at best but here the preacher wants our attention hyper focused on our relationship with God the creator. Specifically warning us how we approach God matters because He is creator, ruler and judge of all things.

This week, we hear the live recording of Rabbi Steven Philp's drash from Friday, October 22nd. Tune in for Rabbi Steven's sermon about ghosts, the unexplained, balancing our rational minds and finding value in what we cannot understand.To watch  our full service from Friday,  October 22nd, click here. Check out upcoming Shabbat services and programs here.Learn more about Mishkan Chicago. Follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook.Be sure to like and subscribe to our podcast for updates on new episodes! And please leave a review. We want to hear from you.Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, written by Kalman Strauss.

Richard Haiduck is a former life sciences executive and mentor, and now has an active retirement. He is immersed in challenging the boundaries of his own retirement, while observing the experiences and areas of curiosity of his fellow retirees. At age 7, he was sure he wanted to be an author. Now, 66 years later, that dream has become a reality. He has written a book called Shifting Gears: 50 Baby Boomers share their meaningful journeys in retirement.  The inspiration for the book came from hearing about the meaningful journeys in retirement taken by his friends and colleagues.

Good morning! Welcome to Mercy Fellowship where we are Saved by Jesus Work, Changed by Jesus' Grace, and Living on Jesus's Mission. This week we are continuing a sermon series walking though the book of Ecclesiastes called VAPOR: Finding Meaning Under the Sun. What's the point? What's the point of life? What are we pursing?

Chris Farrell is a senior economics contributor at Minnesota Public Radio and Marketplace, American Public Media's nationally syndicated public radio business and economic programs. He is co-host of the MPR/APM podcast, small change: Money Stories from the Neighborhood. Chris is a columnist for PBS Next Avenue and the Minneapolis Star Tribune. He has written for Bloomberg Businessweek, New York Times, Kiplinger's and other publications. His most recent book is Purpose and a Paycheck: Finding Meaning, Money and Happiness in the Second Half of Life.Book: The New Frugality CLICK HERE TO ORDERPodcast:Money Stories from the Neighborhood

If you've suffered loss, then you know it can be challenging to get back in the game and find the beauty in life again. Today we've got a treat for you as Kelsey Chittick, a writer, comedian, podcast host, a nd the widow of NFL Superbowl Champion, Nate Hobgood-Chittick, shares insights from her new book Second Half: Surviving Loss and Finding Meaning in the Missing.  1:30 What was your household like growing up? 2:41 'Keep On' Podcast 4:43 How did your life change in November 2017? 6:44 What happened to Nate? 10:00 Medical focus on athletes  14:20 Vasectomy story 17:50 Laughing through grief 20:17 Finding joyful traditions surrounding death 28:00 Can you help your grieving child? Website: www.secondhalfbook.com Facebook: @kdchittick Instagram: @kelseychittick   “Executive Medicine Moment” At Executive Medicine of Texas we understand that true health can only be found when you treat the patient as a whole. That's why our Executive Physical Exams are second to none in the amount of testing and information we gather prior to making a wellness plan for our patients. Learn more about how you can take charge of your health at http://www.EMTexas.com  Website: StayYoungAmerica.com  Twitter: @StayYoungPod  Facebook: @Stay Young Media, LLC    

This week we are continuing a sermon series walking though the book of Ecclesiastes called VAPOR: Finding Meaning Under the Sun Where do we go to find wisdom, meaning, and purpose? What is the point of all our accomplishments? Where is our hope when we life is met with failure or even simple toil and boredom? Is this all there is to life? In life under the sun all seems to be vanity as we struggle to find our purpose and meaning apart from God. The message of this sermon of Ecclesiastes isn't all of life is meaningless and nothing matters; it's because of God as the source of all meaning, and goodness, as we live the life we are given EVERYTHING matters! Previously we've seen a generation comes and goes; the sun rises and sets, wind blows in circuits. These were all signs of our finiteness and a source of pessimism for our lives under the sun because it meant this is all there is. As we transitioned from the first two chapters to chapter 3 we began to see hope, the curtains in the dark basement laboratory have been pulled back and now things can be seen clearly for what they are. The light illuminates and warms our experiences; things that seemed to be meaningless are now seen as purposeful when we see three is a God who is sovereign over all times and seasons, a God who purses what has been driven away. As bright the light coming in every basement still has it shadows. In our basement world there is still the question of what do with all the injustice we see. Where can we go to appeal for justice? If God is sovereign over time and seasons why does he allow injustice? Where is hope?

Join our host Shari Simpson (HR Program Manager, Paylocity) with guests Traci Scherck (Chief Strategy Consultant and Owner, Elevated Talent Consulting) as they talk about the importance of finding fun and meaning in your HR role. Traci Scherck, MPA, SPHR, SHRM-SCP, NHA is the Chief Strategy Consultant and owner of Elevated Talent Consulting. Traci is a certified HR professional with nearly two decades of experience in employee development and engagement, performance consulting and training facilitation. Traci uses her consulting expertise to serve clients in applying behavioral concepts to hiring and selection, designing and implementing talent pathways, coaching, motivation, and more.

Meredith Puckett joins But Not All At Once to answer listener questions about grief, loss, and the seemingly easy task of "feeling your feelings." It's everyone's go-to advice for women facing divorce, life change, loss, or parenting in a pandemic, but how exactly how do we do it?(For reference and as a caution for anyone who may need it, this episode includes general themes of grief around separation, divorce, and pregnancy/infant loss.) Later this month, Meredith will be on the podcast's Patreon for a more intimate discussion of narcissism, abuse, unhealthy relationships, and finding freedom. Anne's emails and DMs are open for your anonymous stories and questions.Your thoughts will be in good company; Meredith and Anne will touch on experiences from their own lives and circles of friends. To join the conversation and support the podcast, subscribe at Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.Podcasts to Listen to: · Last week's But Not All At Once episode, "What If You're Still Broken?"· Grief is a Sneaky B!tch · Grief Out Loud· Grief Is My Side Hustle· Grieving Moms Podcast· The Mother of All Losses· While We Are Waiting: Hope After Child Loss· Surviving Divorce Podcast· Brené Brown's Unlocking Us episode, "On Grief and Finding Meaning"Books to Read:· Good Grief by Granger Westberg· It's OK That You Are Not OK by Megan Devine· Bearing the Unbearable by Joanne Cacciatore· Grieving is Loving by Joanne CacciatoreIf you enjoy But Not All At Once, would you please leave a five-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts? It elevates the podcast, gives potential guests a window into the show, and just plain means the world! 

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. Dr. Nikki Watkins and Heather Wilson vulnerably share their personal experiences, their advocacy work in honor of their losses, and encouraging advice to military family members on grieving and healing. Dr. Nikki Watkins is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, the Clinic Director of the Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at VVSD, and author of You Are Not Alone: Rediscovering Faith in God After Infant Loss. Heather Wilson is the Outreach Manager at the Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at The Up Center and the Founder of Kennedy's Angel Gowns. Resources: Kennedy's Angel Gowns https://kennedysangelgowns.org/ (https://kennedysangelgowns.org/) 5K Angel Run event October 16th, 2021 https://kennedysangelgowns.org/5k-angel-run/ (https://kennedysangelgowns.org/5k-angel-run/) Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at VVSD https://vvsd.net/cohenclinicsandiego/ (https://vvsd.net/cohenclinicsandiego/) Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at The Up Center https://www.theupcenter.org/cohenclinic/ (https://www.theupcenter.org/cohenclinic/) You Are Not Alone: Rediscovering Faith in God After Infant Loss by Dr. Nikki Watkins LMFT https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B0785NY7XF&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_77G5MB1Q093N19M302ZM (https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B0785NY7XF&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_77G5MB1Q093N19M302ZM) The Silent Grief of Infant Loss by Dr. Nikki Watkins https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1Oz-2pLnygW1RI_W_tQZsFqLCAXMzjNIf/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=116343172479719843331&rtpof=true&sd=true (https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1Oz-2pLnygW1RI_W_tQZsFqLCAXMzjNIf/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=116343172479719843331&rtpof=true&sd=true) Empty Cradle https://www.emptycradle.org/ (https://www.emptycradle.org/) GriefShare https://www.griefshare.org/ (https://www.griefshare.org/) For our latest updates: https://mailchi.mp/a3b25a1f4964/holdingdownthefort (https://mailchi.mp/a3b25a1f4964/holdingdownthefort) -- Guest Applications are now open! Apply to be on our show at https://forms.gle/YdoNX9aR8RTEKpnCA (https://forms.gle/YdoNX9aR8RTEKpnCA) Stay updated! Subscribe to our newsletter http://eepurl.com/gTTOdT (http://eepurl.com/gTTOdT) Visit our website https://www.holdingdownthefortpodcast.com/ (https://www.holdingdownthefortpodcast.com/) Connect with our co-hosts Jen Amos jen@holdingdownthefortpodcast.com and Jenny Lynne Stroup https://jennylynnestroup.com/ (https://jennylynnestroup.com/) or jennylynnestroup379@gmail.com Sponsored by US VetWealth: Get FREE access to the Military Spouse's ToolKit for Agile and Purposeful Employment https://usvetwealth.com/military-spouses-toolkit-for-agile-and-purposeful-employment/ (https://usvetwealth.com/military-spouses-toolkit-for-agile-and-purposeful-employment/) September 2021, the show made the Final Slate in the https://www.podcastawards.com/ (16th Annual People's Choice Podcast Awards) for the Government & Organizations category. November 2020, Jen Amos and Holding Down the Fort Podcast was awarded https://therosienetwork.org/2020-entrepreneur-awards (“Media Professional of the Year”) at The Rosie Network Entrepreneur Awards! We've also been featured in multiple media outlets including Legacy Magazine, https://digital.usveteransmagazine.com/US-Veterans-Magazine-Spring-2021/46 (U.S. Veterans Magazine), https://open.spotify.com/episode/0IeByl1VWjoq8V3GFl6gzp?si=gfewllBQTtGFCUwH6kEPTw (The American MilSpouse), https://veterancrowdnetwork.com/2021/01/jen-amos-award-winning-podcaster-of-holding-down-the-fort/ (VeteranCrowd Network), https://fb.watch/3xcB_0O6ZH/ (It's a Military Life), http://virtforce.us/68-transition-remote-work/ (VirtForce), https://www.militaryveterandad.com/73-keep-an-open-heart-with-jen-amos/ (Military Veteran Dad Podcast), and much more. Enjoy our show? Kindly leave us a review on Apple Podcasts Support this podcast

After my month-long hiatus, I'm back with a different type of episode. A few months ago I was interviewed by the delightful, Shelby Rose, on her podcast "Raise Your Vibration" and I wanted to share that interview with all of you. Shelby mainly works with female business owners, but she's also on her own healing journey, so she understands my work at a deep level. In my interview, we talked about:How my spiritual journey prepared me for my son's passingHow to find meaning after trauma or lossHow to transmute lower vibrational emotions into higher vibrational emotions - without spiritual bypassingBe sure to give Shelby's podcast a listen - she's a beautiful Soul with so much wisdom and has helped me shift my energy in my business this year.

This week we are continuing a sermon series walking though the book of Ecclesiastes called VAPOR: Finding Meaning Under the Sun. In life under the sun all seems to be vanity as we struggle to find our purpose and meaning apart from God. The message of this sermon of Ecclesiastes isn't all of life is meaningless and nothing matters; it's because of God as the source of all meaning, and goodness, as we live the life we are given EVERYTHING matters. That includes the time, circumstances and seasons we find ourselves it. History, current events, and the coming future all matter to God. Which helps us ask and address an every pressing question that seems to grow each week. “What the heck is going on?”

Today, we catch up with one of our first guests, H. Adam Holt, CEO of Asset-Map to discuss a wide variety of topics. He gives us a sneak peak of an algorithm his firm will release that will find the hidden gaps in your client's retirement plans. We also talk about the commitment that Adam and his firm have made to supporting diversity and inclusion in the retirement advice platform ecosystem. We hope you enjoy the show. Links mentioned in the show: Adam's company: https://www.asset-map.com/ Adam and Derek's podcast: https://rethinkfinancialadvisorpodcast.blubrry.net/2021/07/01/1-rethink-change-is-coming/

This week, we had the opportunity to interview Sasha Sagan, daughter of Carl Sagan and Ann Druyan. Sasha’s book “For Small Creatures Such as We: Rituals for Finding Meaning in an Unlikely World” will be released on paperback on October 22nd, 2021 and we had the chance to read the book and talk to Sasha about it. The book is really well done and talks about how to create rituals when you live in a secular household and how we really do it all the time. Definitely recommend the book but Sasha is delightful and we were so thrilled to have her as a guest.

I finish "Man's Search For Meaning" on my camping trip.  And looking up the side of the mountain I immediately have an opportunity to put his ideas in practice.  It's better than NetFlix!Administrative: (See episode transcript below)Check out the Tools For A Good Life Summit here: Virtually and FOR FREE https://bit.ly/ToolsForAGoodLifeSummitStart podcasting!  These are the best mobile mic's for IOS and Android phones.  You can literally take them anywhere on the fly.Get the Shure MV88 mobile mic for IOS,  https://amzn.to/3z2NrIJGet the Shure MV88+ for  mobile mic for Android  https://amzn.to/3ly8SNjGet A Course In Miracles Here! https://amzn.to/3hoE7sAAccess my “Insiders Guide to Finding Peace” here: https://belove.media/peaceSee more resources at https://belove.media/resourcesEmail me: contact@belove.mediaFor social Media:      https://www.instagram.com/mrmischaz/https://www.facebook.com/MischaZvegintzovSubscribe and share to help spread the love for a better world!As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.Transcript: Mischa Z: 00:03 All right. Victor E Frankl, Frankl Frankl. Yes. Victor E Frankl. "Man's Search For Meaning" more thoughts of my camping trip. Um, on the last episode, I was going to say how Victor Frankl perhaps inspired me, or I got to draw a direct correlation between service and, um, how Victor Frankel thinks what drives man is meaning having meaning in your life. And Victor breaks it down into three main ways. It's not necessarily what I'm going to do on this episode because I've not prepared. Gosh, you'd hope I would be, but there's lots of winging it these days. Um, it seems that there's always something going on. Let it rip, let it rip, take the messy action. Anybody out there wanting to create a podcast, a blog, a YouTube channel who wants to start, you know, getting their thoughts, ideas, their message out there, or maybe they just want to entertain who knows what the motive is, but they want to use a blog, a YouTube channel, um, a podcast as a mechanism for this or this, the source to do that.Mischa Z: 01:29 Take the messy action. Just take the messy action. That's what I'm going to tell you because you probably, well, I'm guessing you don't have an audience yet, so no one's going to be there to judge you. And if you do have an audience while they know who you are anyways, so no big deal take the messy action is which what I seem to be gifted with doing, taking the messy action on my podcast. So Viktor Frankl, um, you know, one of the things he talks about is his, his meaning how having a purpose in your life, and it does not have to be big and it doesn't have to be, it's having meaning in the moment. That's what it is. It's having meaning meaning in the moment. And he talks a lot about it in regards to the concentration camp experience and how people can derive meaning in life, even though they're headed towards death rapidly or they're seeing it or, or all of this.Mischa Z: 02:40 And I am, I'm hesitant to talk about it because it's so extreme. And I'm a white boy from Wyoming who now lives in Encinitas, California making podcast episodes. So, um, one thing I had been saying to a few friends is, you know, as we're trying to detach from controlling people, places and things, and trying to learn how to find joy or meaning in, in the moment and cede control of, of how we think people are supposed to act, feel, think what they're supposed to do, you know, as we're scaling God up bigger and bigger, and then, you know, inevitably someone brings these extreme circumstances of murderers and rapists and, you know, military leaders or, you know, leaders who do lots of damage. Right? And I had this thought of like, well, can we have our god so big and trust so much that there is something greater than this moment of our human existence, that if we were to have an executioner or we could smile lovingly to that executioner, or as they were opening the door to, you know, the, the, the hangman's noose for us, and I'm doing the best I can to talk about that idea, to be willing, to talk about that idea, to conceptualize that idea, given my, given my circumstances.Mischa Z: 04:35 Um, and so fast forward to reading Victor Frankel's book, and then in essence, he's talking about love and finding meaning in the moment as you're, you know, suffering extremely and perhaps dying, um, or being put to death. Um, I'm going to still work on how to talk about that. I think they're, they're interesting ideas. One idea that he floats is, um, is like: if you put even a small amount of gas in an enclosed space, the gas evenly distributes through that space, perfectly, and he correlates that to that, to suffering. He's like, so it doesn't matter how much suffering you have in a human consciousness. If it's a little, it's going to fill up the space. Same as gas fills up the void. And so he's like, Hey, his thesis is suffering a suffering, which is pretty crazy, right? Cause this dude went through for three years in four concentration camps.Mischa Z: 06:07 Um, anyway, I get my, thank you for listening to that. I'm going to try to continue to talk about the ideas that were sussed out, um, by Viktor Frankl in his book and within me. And one thing was, is finding meaning one way to find meaning is service. How can you serve in the moment? And, uh, I love that because I'm all about service. I've talked about it on other episodes. It's a big part of, you know, recovery of the recovery community is carrying the message. How can you be of service? And it's obviously within churches and religions and, and there's plenty of nonprofits out there. And so it's, it's this, isn't a new idea by any means on a big scale, as well as on a small scale. Being nice, forgiving, smiling, opening the door for somebody. Like it can be the tiniest things, a gracious nod, letting somebody in within traffic, like letting somebody in without throwing a fit, flipping them off. You know, if somebody cuts you off graciously, be cut off smile, wave. Thank you.Mischa Z: 07:31 Um, so it's, it's about nine o'clock at night on the camping trip and it's dark and there is a heavy, there's this part of a climb to get to the next lake. I wish I could remember what it is, but it was up heavy, heavy, like you almost wanted to have ropes, but you know, people were doing it with backpacks and things. But a couple of guys we look up and all of a sudden we see headlamps at nine o'clock at night, scaling down this chute to get back to crater, to, um, iceberg lake. And, um, it was hard enough for people to do that part of the hike in daylight let alone at night. So it was, it was honestly better than watching Netflix because it's a very far away, but you can see the two headlight beams and a very dramatic, very dramatic.Mischa Z: 08:31 They make it that it takes them half an hour, 45 minutes, whatever it is. And, um, they walked by us because the trail goes by our campsite and we're talking to them for a second. And I say, Hey, I'm inspired all of a sudden, Hey, do you guys need a campsite? Because they're clearly tired by now. It's 10 o'clock at night and you can't see anything to find a campsite. And, um, I happened to know where a couple of campsites were and they were so relieved and so excited and so happy. And, um, and I just thought of Victor Frankl and being of service and, and how in that moment after just finishing his book, I got to ask those guys if I could help them with a campsite. And we showed him this, uh, ridiculous campsite that we found, and they were just so happy.Mischa Z: 09:28 And, you know, I was gratified in the moment gratified in that I had meaning. And, um, it was just a really cool experience and to be in nature, just feeling the whole vibe of that, all the flow of it all. And, uh, yes, I'm doing a quick time check. Um, that's what I've got for you. The serendipitous events that led to me finishing the whole book and then yeah, I would encourage anybody to read "Man's Search For Meaning". Great, great book, just a great, great book. And I'll talk more about it. Love to all again, I'm going to say, get your tails out there and go camping. Get out in nature detached for two or three days, if you can, but I guess you can do silent retreats, all sorts of things. Um, many people are doing that. I'm just going to encourage you to do it again. If you have done it and absolutely get out there, if you haven't. All right, I'm done peace out.

Y'all today you are in for a treat. If you have a side hustle, or you're an entrepreneur or you're dreaming of starting your own thing, this is the episode for you. I have wanted to sit down with Liz Lambert for ever and we got to meet at this year's Rise Conference, and it's a conversation I wanted to share with you. -- Have you heard about the HOTLINE yet? Call (737) 400-HOCO, and press 1 to leave a question for Rach. Press 2 to share your story about the Hollis Company - it can be about your Start Today Journal, attending a RISE conference, coaching, or anything you want! We can't wait to hear from you ;) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you suffering from unhealed grief? In this special episode Sarah Grynberg is joined by the world's most renowned grief and loss expert, David Kessler. With sensibility and sensitivity together they discuss the various paths to finding peace and hope when there seems to be none, how to truly grasp the fleetingness of mortality, our lives before and after tragedy, and most importantly how we can learn to remember those we've lost with love rather than pain. Whether you're still coping from a loss or know someone experiencing extreme grief, this conversation and David's words will provide countless ways to regain promise and light in your life.   Follow Sarah for more wisdom and inspiration: Instagram: instagram.com/sarahgrynberg Website: https://sarahgrynberg.com/ Facebook: facebook.com/sarahgrynberg Twitter: twitter.com/sarahgrynberg YouTube: youtube.com/sarahgrynberg See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week we are continuing a sermon series walking though the book of Ecclesiastes called VAPOR: Finding Meaning Under the Sun. In life under the sun all seems to be vanity as we struggle to find our purpose and meaning apart from God. “Fear of God will turn a vain, empty life into a meaningful life including enjoying God's gifts.” – Greidanus. The message of this sermon of Ecclesiastes isn't all of life is meaningless and nothing matters; it's because of God as the source of all meaning, and goodness, as we live the life we are given EVERYTHING matters! Chapter one asked us “What's the point of life? What are we pursing when life seems to be unsatisfying cycles that lead to our end? What is the outcome when we attempt to understand the world comprehensively apart from God? More knowledge and more wisdom only seems to lead to greater sorrow and pain. Where can we find refuge and meaning in world like this?” The Preacher is taking us down three paths he went down pursuing meaning “under the sun” and shows us where they eventually lead. The first weeks were wisdom, and self-indulgence, this week is wisdom again and work. Two things are coming for all Death…and Monday.

We've all been changed by the experience of living through a pandemic. We figured out how to sanitize groceries, mute ourselves on Zoom and keep from killing our roommates. But we're also tackling bigger, existential questions — how can we, individually and collectively, find meaning in the experience of this pandemic? Original Air Date: May 23, 2020 Guests:  David Kessler — Tyrone Muhammad — Nikki Giovanni — John Kaag — Alice Kaplan Interviews In This Hour:  Grief Is A Natural Response To The Pandemic. Here's Why You Should Let Yourself Feel It. — 'You Smell Death': Being A Mortician In A Community Ravaged By COVID-19 — Nikki Giovanni Reads a Poem of Remembrance — Does Philosophy Still Matter In The Age Of Coronavirus? — Why Camus' 'The Stranger' Is Still a Dangerous Novel

We've all been changed by the experience of living through a pandemic. We figured out how to sanitize groceries, mute ourselves on Zoom and keep from killing our roommates. But we're also tackling bigger, existential questions — how can we, individually and collectively, find meaning in the experience of this pandemic? Original Air Date: May 23, 2020 Guests:  David Kessler — Tyrone Muhammad — Nikki Giovanni — John Kaag — Alice Kaplan Interviews In This Hour:  Grief Is A Natural Response To The Pandemic. Here's Why You Should Let Yourself Feel It. — 'You Smell Death': Being A Mortician In A Community Ravaged By COVID-19 — Nikki Giovanni Reads a Poem of Remembrance — Does Philosophy Still Matter In The Age Of Coronavirus? — Why Camus' 'The Stranger' Is Still a Dangerous Novel

On today's episode of Bold Perceptions we welcome Mark Dowdle, one of the creators of the Love Like Laurie foundation. Laurie Weber was the mother of a close friend of the podcast named Blake. Last year Mark ran 160 miles (!) in 43 hours (!!) amassing over $10,000 dollars of donations for the self-created fund. This year Mark will run 266 miles (!!!) in aim of raising $20,000. Mark talks to George and walks us through the larger purpose of the foundation and what he has learned along the way. Also covered is a theme of becoming a newer, bolder version of yourself and leaving outdated beliefs and habits in the dust. Link to donate : https://linktr.ee/fivedollar5k Donation Instagram: @fivedollar5k

On this week's episode, Alyssa sits down with author Kimberley Pittman-Schulz to talk about one of life's toughest emotions: grief. Tune in to listen to Kim share her personal experience in losing loved ones. Kimberley sheds light on the grieving process and normalizes the intense pain that we feel in the wake of someone's death, whether it be a person or a beloved pet. In her new book, Grieving Us, Kim helps us to remember the ways in which we can continue to make meaning in our lives even in the midst of grief. Support the Podcast Light After Trauma website   Kim's Link for the Listeners Buy Kimberley's Book   Transcript: Alyssa Scolari (00:23]: Hey, hey, hey, everybody, this is a monumental moment because I am recording the very first episode in our new home, which is so exciting. The walls are pretty empty and pretty bare, but hey, we will get there day by day. This place is starting to feel more and more like a home, so I am really excited for it. I'm also very excited for today's interview. We have with us a very special guest, Kimberley Pittman-Schulz. Kimberley is an award-winning poet and author who writes, teaches and speaks about death, living mindfully, and being a force for change in the world. With 25 plus years as a philanthropy leader and charitable and end-of-life planning advisor, Kimberley has worked with incredibly diverse people looking for meaning after the loss of a spouse, a partner, a child, a sibling, a parent, a grandparent, or a beloved animal. Her focus is helping people cultivate joy every day, so they can more deeply experience the meaning and beauty of their one and only lives. With that being said, hi, Kim. Thank you so much for being here and welcome to the podcast. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (01:47]: Alyssa, thank you so much. I really appreciate the invitation to talk with you and to talk with your listeners. I really admire your podcast and I look forward to this conversation with you. Alyssa Scolari (01:59]: Thank you. I've been looking forward to this conversation for a while, and I really think that timing is just so interesting to me sometimes. I almost feel like nothing is a coincidence. Speaking of grief, it's one of those things and I tend to be very open. The listeners know, I tend to be very open about my recovery journey on the podcast. One of the things that I think in light ... So I just recently moved. This is the first podcast episode that I am recording in the new home, which is very exciting. One of the things that I think has come up for me, especially this week, so today is Thursday that we are recording this for the listeners, and I have been in the grief, a pit of grief since probably like Monday it hit me. I'm starting to come out of it, but to me, grief is one of the things from my perspective that we tend to spend so much of our lives avoiding and running from and finding ways to numb out, because I think it's one of the most difficult things. What has inspired you to say, "I'm going to take one of the most painful feelings on earth and I'm going to dive right in and I'm going to write about it and share about it." What inspired you to do that? Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (03:25]: Self-punishment maybe? No. To be absolutely honest- Alyssa Scolari (03:29]: Self-loathing. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (03:32]: I think grief, loss, I mean, none of us get out of it alive. Some of us get to live, some of us don't and those of us that are left behind need to deal with it. Grief is so many things. It's not even one thing. I mean, you've got anger and guilt and regret and longing, and there're so many emotions bundled up in that. Then there're so many different grieving styles. For me, part of it was learning to navigate my own grief years ago. I very much was stuck in a grief hole for two years after my mother died and a friend committed suicide two weeks before she died, so I had these things bundled together. As a child, I survived a house fire that my two sisters sleeping in the same room did not. So for me, this loss and navigating it, my mother could never talk about it. When you're a little kid and you can't really talk about what happened to my sisters? What happened to the house? You have to do a lot of figuring out on your own. When we got into the pandemic, I started just really hearing some people's pain, what they're struggling with and feeling like there's a million systems for getting better, but people were struggling. I thought maybe what has worked for me ... And I've worked with a lot of people over the years through my philanthropy and end-of-life planning work, practices that have helped them. I really wanted ... And I love to write. I'm also a writer before I'm anything else. For me, it was about trying to help other people navigate grief and whenever you are trying to teach others, let's face it, you're also teaching yourself. Alyssa Scolari (05:03]: Absolutely. Right. We were just saying that before we started recording, right? Doing all of this, we're helping others as much as we're helping ourselves. Right. You are a writer, as I said in the introduction, and you have ... I think it's important to talk about. You have a book out that was just released in March of this year. It was a number one release on Amazon, in several different categories. The name of that book is Grieving Us. Now, is that your first book that you've written on grief? Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (05:36]: Yes. Yes. It's the first book I've written on grief, and the first book I've written other than poetry. My first book was 10 years ago. It was a poetry volume. Interestingly enough, the name of that volume is Mosslight. It was published by a literary publisher and won a national book award actually at that time. When you go back and look at the poems, there is a lot of grief, resilience, navigating loss. Actually going back and looking at that book and hearing from people who've read that book, reminded me that this is just who I am, you know? As we move further through life, I think it has a great focusing effect in helping you figure out, what am I supposed to do? How can I make the most meaning while I'm here on the planet for myself and others? Alyssa Scolari (06:22]: Yeah. Yeah. Now, can you give us a brief synopsis of your book? I love the title, Grieving Us. What does that mean? Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (06:32]: Right. The subtitle is important too, because it's based on a question that people ask me all the time. The subtitle is how to live with loss without losing yourself. Because the number one question I often hear is, how do I live with this without losing myself? I feel so lost. Because when someone that's been a critical part of your life leaves you, now we're talking about death here, but it can be divorced, it can be all kinds of reasons why somebody is not in your life anymore, you do actually lose part of your life. There's a dailiness to the way we love people. I say in the book, love is a habit and how you love people takes shape and rituals and habits and routines, and so when that person is not in your life, your days can literally be broken. It can be hard sometimes for people to pinpoint why they're having a hard time as they're moving through grief, starting to find well-being or inviting joy back in. The synopsis, Grieving Us is really intended to function on a few different levels, because I always say when one person dies, there's always at least three deaths. There's the person that you love who's lost. You cannot help. It is human nature to look at yourself and say, "Wow, I could be next. Am I next?" Or in some cases people say, "Do I want to keep on living?" We do reflect on our own mortality. Then the relationship you had with that person is like a third party, if you will, because that is also gone and you have to hold onto that person in a different way. Then for me, there's another sort of level of meaning and that my husband has in, his end of lifetime. I'm living with my own anticipatory grief and trying to live with joy and grieving at the same time. It has a large context as well as very personal context for me, Alyssa. Alyssa Scolari (08:24]: Yes. I really appreciate what you said about the joy and the grief and that I think so many of us fall into a place of suffering partially because we feel that they're polar opposites and can't coexist, but I think it's very important to know that both can be there. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (08:49]: For me, it's a basic premise. It can sound hokey or corny or naive to say, "Oh, yeah. Right. Grief and joy coexist." But I've discovered that that's just true. The question is how do you get there? Because so often, Alyssa, and I'm sure you hear it in the clients that you work with, I've got to get through grief to joy. As if joy is a destination. I was having this conversation with someone recently, and it just bubbled out of my mouth and I thought, "Wow, that's kind of true." Is that joy is not a destination. It's really a dimension. Part of what I teach in my book, I start by having people tell their loss story to themselves because often we tell our loss stories to everybody but ourselves. Then the next step, and what was really the healing aha moment for me is what I've come to call tiny come back to your senses rituals. It's creating ... I started with just literally a few minutes, like three minutes where I just created an opening in the grief and for that moment, I was just so fully in the moment. I mean, I could tell you a little bit more about the process, but the idea was that I had created a break in my grief through this ritual that allowed a little bit of joy. When I say joy, I want to maybe define that a little bit too, because there's happy, right? Riding a rollercoaster makes you happy, but we say makes you happy because we know that's transient, right? A little bit later, we're looking for something else to make us happy. For me, joy is related, but it is a different thing. It's about knowing you're meant to be here. It's about being in this moment. Right now I'm having this wonderful conversation with you and getting a chance to meet with you and talk with you about this and to be fully immersed in this moment and have it have a sense of meaning and purpose. Just knowing that no matter what else is going on in my life or the rest of the day, everything's okay right in this moment. To me, that's a big part of what joy is and it is there, ever-present. It's just creating that break in the grief to be able to let the light of that come in and root and grow. Then the goal is as we move through grief to just make those breaks bigger and let a little bit more joy in. Alyssa Scolari (10:56]: When you say the break in the grief, you get that break in the grief through what you call the tiny come back to your senses rituals, is that correct? Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (11:07]: Yes. Yes. Yeah. I stumbled into it, Alyssa, really by accident. I mean, I was in this ... What turned out to be a little over two-year period of being what I call lost limbo after my mother died and Ruth had committed suicide and these were just so linked together. They're still linked together in my life and in my grief and in my sense of loss. We had moved across country from where I had lost my mother and happened to live on a stretch that had some river frontage. I remember one of the things that happens when you're grieving, right? I'm sure you've experienced this through all of your own healing from trauma, is how broken some of your habits and rituals get. There's always a few things that you still do. For instance, I will always make a cup of tea in the morning, no matter what. I mean, the world could be burning. I'm going to have my cup of tea, right? Well- Alyssa Scolari (11:07]: You're having that tea. Yep. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (11:54]: Yeah. Exactly. Well, at that point in my life, also, before I went to bed, no matter what, I always locked the doors. One night before I locked the doors, I decided to just wander out to the river. I walked out to the river and I stood at the edge of the river and I just listened to the water. I don't know if you've had this experience, Alyssa, or some of your listeners, sometimes the movement of water over rocks can almost even sound like voices and you think, "Is there someone upstream?" It really isn't. It's just literally the voice of the water and the volume of it going through and over the rocks. Then you hear a bird shuffling, it's quietly in a tree, there's a little bit of fog coming in. I was really feeling the sensation of the fog on my arms. As I turned to walk back in the house, it suddenly just on me, in that little space, just a few minutes I didn't feel awful. I didn't feel awful. I felt okay, and so as I came back in and I locked the door, I realized I was onto something. I began to then intentionally build some of these grief rituals into habits that were already working because I think that's the hard type thing, is people will say, "Go do X or go do Y." It's like, "How do I do it?" If you have to find that one or two things in your day that actually works, you can add on. Start with just three minutes and even the busiest or most burdened people can find usually that three minutes. Alyssa Scolari (13:16]: Yes. I so appreciate that, and coming off the heels of feeling such intense grief the last several days, I know that for me, it's one of those things you can't snap out of it. There's no like, "I'm going to snap out of this." No. For me, the transformation happened in the 30 seconds that it took me to go online and book an appointment for myself and I noticed that while I was doing that, I was okay. I was okay. I had my diffuser on, the air smelled really nice. I had a blanket on, my dog was curled up next to me. I was like ... It took me 30 seconds, but after those 30 seconds, I went, "Oh, I didn't feel like my world was crashing down around me for 30 seconds." To me, that's the process. More than like, "Oh, well, today I had a great day. I did this. I did that. I'm so happy. Thank God I'm not in that bad place anymore." It's like, it doesn't really work like that. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (14:23]: No. You can have a day that's really crappy but instead of having a day that's crappy all day, to have a few moments like that, where you really are getting a break and you really are feeling like, "Okay. I'm not going to take on the universe here and I'm not the best I've ever been, wow. I got a break for a little bit." That to my mind is where it all starts. Alyssa Scolari (14:44]: Yeah. I also love what you said about your journey to the river, because I relate to that so much. I think that I first started tapping into this enormous wave of grief back in early June when we went to the Finger Lakes and we were on vacation. It was my first time I went to the Finger Lakes and just sitting on the water and hearing the water splash up against the rocks and looking at the fish swimming in the water, I was like ... I find that my grief can be healed or at least not healed, but understood and I can get some relief from it in nature, particularly in the water, like near water. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (15:32]: Yeah. I would share that. I'm a nature geek anyway so it certainly works for me. I've had people say to me though, "Kimberley, I'm just not a nature type so this isn't going to work for me." I would say, "No." I've worked with a number of people to implement something that works for them. One woman I used to work with, a colleague had ... I think it was her brother that she had lost. She was talking about every night she would get through the day, she's what I call a hummingbird griever. She was able to keep going through it. Some of us want to be like bears and go in a cave and just leave me alone until I feel better. Others are what I call hummingbirds. They just keep doing, doing, doing, doing, trying to keep ahead of the grief, right? Alyssa Scolari (16:11]: Yep. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (16:11]: She would get home at the end of the day she said, "I'm just crying into my Chardonnay every night. It's just that I'm drinking too much of it too, to be absolutely honest. I don't know where I would put ..." I said, "You know what? Why don't you start your tiny come back to your senses ritual around that glass of wine?" She says, "Okay. Well, I get the taste and I can try to remember to smell." She said, "But how do you hear wine?" I said, "Tap on the edge of the glass." Alyssa Scolari (16:35]: Oh, yeah. Tap. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (16:36]: "Or listen to the sound of it going down your throat. I mean, just be very, very mindful. Try to use all five senses when you drink that glass of wine." It was several months later I ran into her and she goes, "I thought what you said was kind of crazy, but you know what? It slowed me down. I actually enjoyed my glass of wine more." She said, "I'm not drinking as much of it." For her, she had what she called her wine time. That was her tiny come back to her senses rituals, was just really experiencing the entire glass of wine with all of her senses. Sometimes it takes a little creativity to figure out what works. That's what I love about what I've tried to teach, is that this isn't take what works for me now you have to make it work, because you're a different person. But you can take the concept and adapt it to what's meaningful for you. Alyssa Scolari (17:21]: Exactly. Exactly. I love that. Now, I want to shift gears a little bit because I really want to dive into this. Can we talk about animals for a moment? Because ... And, oh dear Lord, if I get through this conversation without shedding one tear, that will be a huge victory because animals, I love. I have three dogs. All animals, I am a huge animal lover. I really think that this is important to talk about because I can't tell you how many people come into my office and have lost pets and are absolutely devastated beyond belief, but feel as though they shouldn't. This is not an uncommon thing. So many people feel that losing pets can be harder in some ways than losing people. So many people, myself included, I will watch TV and I will watch true crime documentaries all day long, but let me tell you, if there is one episode where an animal is harmed or killed, I'm done. Done. I'm not alone. I know I'm not alone in that. Is that something that you can talk more about? Is there a reason why it feels so much harder? Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (18:52]: Oh my gosh, Alyssa, I am just- Alyssa Scolari (18:55]: I know, that was a lot. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (18:56]: ... so simpatico, but no, I mean, I feel exactly every word that you just said. So many people I've known and worked with, I feel the same way. Early in my life I worked with UC Davis School of Veterinary medicine. It was the first veterinary school to actually create a pet loss support hotline because helping veterinarians learn how to deal with the grief that their patients had over a pet was such a big issue. Veterinarians did not handle it. About a year ago I gave a talk on death to estate and financial planners who are focused on helping people plan for the end of life, but never want to talk about death. Pets are huge for people. It certainly depends. In my book I tell a story about after my dog died, technically he was my stepdad because it came with my husband like a dowry, right? The person- Alyssa Scolari (18:56]: Oh, what kind of dog? Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (19:46]: Yeah. It was a mutt, Heinz 57, but he was really cute, really sweet. We walked together, did a lot together. After he died someone in the community ran into me and said, "Oh, well, at least it's a dog. You can get another." I am not a violent person, Alyssa, but I really ... The vision went through my head of really smacking her [inaudible 00:20:05] just because it wasn't just a dog or just ... I mean, you wouldn't say that if somebody lost a child or a spouse. For me, part of what I think can be in some ways ... And this is why I do think some people ... I have a friend who lost her father and a dog within a few weeks of each other. She says, "Of course I miss my father. He was 94. I spent the last few months caring for him." She goes, "I have to admit, the dog is actually way harder. It was a rescue dog. It had been doing great and then something just suddenly came up and it was gone." I think one of the things you don't hear people talk a lot about is the dailiness of people and animals in our lives. Animals are often ... Spouses may come and go to work, partners may come and go, kids come and go, but often those dogs or cats, like right now, I'm a cat lady. We have kittens, or technically cats, but they're still kittens to me. It's- Alyssa Scolari (20:58]: Always kittens. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (20:59]: ... always kittens. Yeah. Alyssa Scolari (20:59]: They'll always be kittens. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (21:00]: Yeah. You have this dailiness of like this morning just brushing my hair. The cat's on the counter in the bathroom watching me brush my hair. We have little things that we do. Little habits together, and so throughout the day they're an intimate part of my daily life. When you lose a companion animal, again, you have all those little gaps that you have to learn to bridge because that being isn't there. Let's face it, animals love us no matter what we look like or act like. I mean, unless we're abusive people, I mean, it's truly the most unconditional love you're going to find. Alyssa Scolari (21:41]: It is, and even, you know what? Sometimes even if people are abusive, an animal will still look at you and beg for love and attention and affection. It is the most- Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (21:52]: It's true. Alyssa Scolari (21:52]: ... unconditional love that I think I've ever experienced. I'm thinking of this morning as we're having this conversation. We moved into this new house and we used to, in our old house, because we had carpet upstairs, we kept the dogs downstairs. Didn't let them upstairs. They weren't in the bedroom. We don't have carpet in this house and the dogs are upstairs, downstairs. They're everywhere. Everywhere I go I'm tripping over a dog. This morning, I opened my eyes, my eyes popped open suddenly and I see ... I have two Australian shepherds. One of my Australian shepherds, he is two years old. His head was resting on the bed and he was making direct eye contact with me and grinning from ear to ear. I could see all his teeth. He was so happy. He was just staring at me, waiting for me to get up. As soon as I opened my eyes, he was like, "Mom, hi, let's get up. I love you. You look beautiful. No, your breath doesn't stink." As I'm breathing my morning breath on him. I'm just like, those are the moments that are unparalleled. Unparalleled. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (23:13]: Well, there's nothing quite like dog love like that. I mean, there isn't. Someday when that beautiful little being is not a physical presence, you're going to continue to have that wonderful emotional presence. You just don't forget it. Alyssa Scolari (23:33]: Never. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (23:33]: Again, that dailiness, I mean, other people in your life except maybe a spouse, partner or kids, who else fills that kind of a role? I mean, it's just a very ... And if you are, as I am, an animal person ... And what's tough is when animal people then are experiencing losses around people who aren't and don't get it. What I usually say to people is resist the temptation to let that be a burden to you or be frustrated or angry, because that's just more emotion on top of grief. It's better just to let it go and just know that's their loss and just focus on caring for yourself. The problem is a lot of times people are made to feel like they're grieving wrong. That's true with humans too. Particularly with animals, people can be made to feel like they're wrong or weird. I'm just here to say, no, you're not. Again, if you didn't love, gosh darn it, it wouldn't be a problem, but you love so when you lose that physical presence of someone you love, whether that someone has four legs, fur and a tail, it's going to hurt. Alyssa Scolari (24:35]: Excruciating. Excruciating grief. Yeah. I think that that's a huge problem, is that people are in their grief, but then they're also made to feel somewhat guilty or a little bit weird for the grief that they have. I remember when I got my dog, I have a little dog. I got her ... She was born six days after I escaped from an abusive relationship. I got out of his house on July 14th and she was born six days later. Two months after that, I had her. I had no idea I was getting a dog. She found me. I swear to this day the gods created her because they were like, "All right, she's going to need some love." Have her. Two days ago, she turned eight. I remember when I first got her, when I tell you I'm enamored with this dog and was, people would say things to me like, "Don't you love her a little too much?" Or like, would say things like- Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (25:52]: Oh my gosh. How is that even possible? Alyssa Scolari (25:53]: Right? How is that even possible? Or my favorite was like, "I know you love your dog, but you do know your dog's going to die eventually, right? You got to separate a little bit." I- Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (26:06]: It's like, well, I know you're going to guide too, but hey, you know? Alyssa Scolari (26:08]: Well, I felt like, "Yeah. Well, yeah." Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (26:08]: Right. Exactly. Alyssa Scolari (26:12]: [crosstalk 00:26:12] less now that you said that. Yeah. These are the kinds of things that we say. Like for people who are avid pet lovers or people who have lost a pet, it's like, "Oh, you just get another one." It's like, so now on top of our grief, we feel guilt for the love that we have. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (26:33]: Guilt or like we're stupid or weird or abnormal, and that's just no good at all. I mean, it's just no good at all. There're so many other ways too, through grief that people feel that way. I'll take anybody who loves and grieves any day, over someone who surprisingly doesn't love that much and so they don't have to navigate that grief journey as much. Alyssa Scolari (26:57]: Yes. I don't remember who said this, but I remember I heard this quote and this is one of my favorite books is David Kessler, The Sixth Stage of Grief. Finding Meaning. A phenomenal book for the listeners out there. I know I've recommended it multiple times on this podcast, but he talked a lot about how grief yes, there is a way to avoid grief, but the way to avoid grief is to avoid love. You can't avoid one without the other, without avoiding the other. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (27:32]: It's like two sides of the same coin, really. I mean, absolutely. The whole issue of meaning too is really important because I feel like when you talk about human beings, what makes human beings different than a lot of other animals. As a kid I grew up and the answer was always opposable thumbs, you know? Right? Because we can grasp things with our opposable thumbs, but I really think it's actually meaning making is our super power as human beings, because it allows us to grasp things with our minds. That means you can really assign meaning where you want it. You get to choose what's meaningful to you. That can be who you love. It can be how you grieve. In my book I tell a story about that I can teach my cat to know the word dragonfly. I have a pond in my yard, so I can say dragonfly and the cat knows I'm referring to that thing that she'd love to catch going back and forth above the pond. What I can't teach her to do is what I do when I see a dragonfly, it is tied to my mother. When I see a dragonfly, I'm also thinking of my mother. I asked myself, "Could I ever teach my cat a word that when she saw the thing she could equate it, not only to the thing in the physical world, but to a memory of her own mother as a kitten?" I was like, "I don't think I can." That is, I think ... And I know David also talks about things like this in his book. This whole idea of meaning is ultimately I think how we move through grief and get to a better place of well-being, and even defining what joy means and how we make more of that in our lives comes through our ability that we get to say what's meaningful. Alyssa Scolari (29:07]: Yeah. Yes. Finding meaning is so helpful. Does that for you, from your perspective, fall into the same category as helping others, finding meaning also with helping others? Because I know you talked about how much helping others can be hugely impactful in the grieving process. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (29:31]: To me, they're tied at the hip. I mean, certainly for me personally. Sometimes when I think about I spent a lot of my career working in philanthropy with people, we don't often think about this. Even people who work in philanthropy often, unless you stop and really think about it, so much of philanthropy, so much of giving back, whether that's a financial contribution or volunteering or random acts of kindness, when you drill down to what motivates a person to do those things, what you often realize- Alyssa Scolari (30:00]: I just saw a cat. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (30:03]: I couldn't make her stay out so it's just I thought rather than having her paw at the door, it'd be easier just to let her be. Alyssa Scolari (30:09]: Oh, I love it. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (30:10]: I woke her up talking about animals or something. I just feel like as we move through our grief and our healing process and we think about what's meaningful ... And so for me, what I realized is a lot of that motivation to give back and help others in any sort of way, often does come from a place of loss and of trying to ... One of the things you can't ... Like when I talk about meaning, people will say, "Do you mean I'm supposed to believe that someone's death, there's meaning to that, or it was done for a reason?" I said, "Well, you have to decide if that's what you believe." I personally don't think somebody died because it was the thing that was supposed to happen. That's my personal belief system. For some people they really do believe that death is part of a plan. I think again, each person has to find their way there. What I do believe is that when we start to think about giving of ourselves, it not only makes us feel good to be helping others, it not only creates a little bit of a break and a distraction in pain, but it does make a difference in other people's lives. So much of the giving impulse does come from a place of pain. I've sat with many individuals, volunteers, donors, people involved at doing frontline charitable work, hospice volunteers and nurses, how much of that motivation comes from a place of pain and trying to make some meaning for them by helping others. Alyssa Scolari (31:38]: Yeah. Absolutely. Right? Even therapists. Right? Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (31:43]: Yep. And podcast hosts. Alyssa Scolari (31:46]: Podcast hosts, writers, right? People aren't writing about this stuff because it's coming from a place of joy and never having lived or experienced. People are writing from their own pain or working or whatever it is they do, volunteering, coming from a place of their own pain. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (32:06]: Definitely. No. Definitely. I think even small ... We tend to think of random acts of kindness as being goody two-shoes or Pollyanna or something like that, or maybe even sounding hokey. But to be absolutely honest, that's a strategy I often suggest. I was literally writing a post that I'll be posting later about this very topic, that when I talk with people who are struggling with grief, a lot of times they've lost that sense of meaning and purpose in their lives without their beloved other, whoever that, or whatever creature that may be, a person or animal, whatever. I really want people to realize that they have a heartbroken, but still beautiful life. I hate for people to sort of give away their life. It takes time. I'm not saying just get over it. That's not what I'm saying at all. But to take the time to realize you are going to have to build a new life, which means creating a new version of you that didn't exist before. I mean, you didn't ask for this giant change in your life, it has happened to you, right? You've got to create something new out of that. Finding a way to give back in small ways and realizing how often you have done or other people have done to you, generous things. Whether it's paying for someone's coffee in line behind you, or just a nice word or a nice compliment that you may think is completely offhand that can make a huge difference from somebody. You never know. There are times, years later when I'll run into somebody and they'll say, "Back in so-and-so you said this to me, and I can't tell you what a difference it makes." I'm sitting there thinking, "I said that?" I was like, "Yeah, it sounds like something I would say, but I don't even remember what they're talking about." It's so important to realize that as long as you're physically in this world and you can't help but take up space, you are going to impact others. One of the choices you can make is to be a little more intentional about that. When you're first putting those very first feelers out from that place of grief, trying to find some ground, starting with something as simple as a compliment to somebody or some truly ... What seems like random is really not random at all act of kindness to somebody else, is going to actually make you feel pretty good. Again, it's like your 30 seconds this morning. In that space, everything was okay. Alyssa Scolari (34:23]: Absolutely. Absolutely. In that space everything was okay. When I woke up this morning and opened my eyes and saw a big hairy dog smiling at me, I was like, "Everything's fine. Everything's fine." I love it. Thank you. Much for sharing. Now, of course, if people would like to find your book or have questions or want to purchase your book, where's the easiest way? Is it via Amazon? Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (34:53]: Well, of course Amazon sells about 72% of the planet's books, so yes, you'll find all versions of my books there. I also encourage people to work with their local bookseller who can order just about anything on the planet as well and you're buying local as well. I also have a website as well, website link. In fact, I set up a landing page for your listeners. My website is poetowl.com. There's just a slash light after trauma and so they can go and they'll see your podcast cover and not feel like they're going to a stranger's house. They can click on a link and get the book there, or explore some other information that's there as well. I'm in the process of putting together a workshop. There are some other resources there that I'm building out. Alyssa Scolari (35:38]: Fantastic. That's so poetowl.com/lightaftertrauma. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (35:44]: Yes. Alyssa Scolari (35:45]: Ooh. All right. To the listeners- Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (35:45]: Yeah. I was like- Alyssa Scolari (35:47]: ... I'm there now. This is, ooh, such a lovely page. What I will do, so for the listeners out there, I will be linking that in the show notes so you know where to go. Please check that out. I cannot wait to read this book because it just sounds phenomenal. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. Thank you for sharing your expertise, for being vulnerable. I know this is tough to talk about, but you're doing the hard work. You're really doing some of the hardest work, I believe, on the planet. Thank you so much for your time. Kimberley Pittman-Schulz (36:25]: Thank you, Alyssa, too. Really we're all going to have to do the hard work. Alyssa Scolari (36:30]: So true. So true. Thanks for listening, everyone. For more information, please head over to lightaftertrauma.com or you can also follow us on social media. On Instagram we are @lightaftertrauma and on Twitter it is @lightafterpod. Lastly, please head over to patreon.com/lightaftertrauma to support our show. We are asking for $5 a month, which is the equivalent to a cup of coffee at Starbucks. Please head on over again. That's patreon.com/lightaftertrauma. Thank you we appreciate your support. [singing]