Conversations About Divorce

A big part of divorce is figuring out the impact ending your marriage will have on your finances. The obvious concerns are what it means for your present lifestyle, but you can’t ignore the consequences on retirement. That means understanding the Divorced Spouse Social Security benefit. There are lots of rules and caveats for this benefit and it’s hard to remember them all …Joining me for this Conversation is Leah Hadley from Great Lakes Financial Solutions (https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/). Leah is a seasoned financial professional and is committed to helping her clients make wise financial decisions before, during and after divorce. Leah as a free Divorce Recovery: A Financial Guide To Moving On available for download at her site.You can find a synopsis of this episode at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-the-divorced-spouse-social-security-benefit

More and more people are filing for divorce themselves, without lawyers. But most people do need legal advice on at least some aspects of their divorce. And, sometimes, couples can’t agree, and the divorce turns into a fully contested, litigated divorce. So how do you find the right divorce attorney for you?The challenge is often knowing where to start. You’re unfamiliar with the legal system in general and with domestic relations, in particular.You’re overwhelmed by the end of your marriage and don’t know enough about parenting after divorce or divorce financials to know if something is an issue or an obstacle.And, you’ve had little experience dealing with attorneys so it’s hard to know who’s going to do a good job or even what is a good job!You ask your friends, family and coworkers for referrals but that may not be a great choice. Your situation is likely different from theirs. What worked or didn’t work for them will be different for you.What you need to do is make an informed, well-researched decision. How you do that is the topic for this Conversations About Divorce. Joining me are Kelly Frawley and Emily Pollock, New York-based matrimonial and family law attorneys and partners at Kasowitz Benson Torres LLP (https://kasowitz.com).You'll find a synopsis of the show at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-to-find-the-right-divorce-attorney-for-you

Most divorce professionals will tell you that everyone lies at some point in their divorce. For many people, they might be harmless ‘white lies’ that are told to try to make the other person feel better or to avoid a confrontation. But then there are the lies that are deeply deceitful. They may cause significant harm, even be life-altering. The sad truth about your spouse’s lies in divorce is that you may have little legal recourse.How can this be? What does it mean for you? What needs to change?Joining me for this Conversations About Divorce is Jill Hasday who is a Distinguished McKnight University Professor and the Centennial Professor of law at the University of Minnesota Law School. She’s also the author of “Intimate Lies and The Law.” Read more about Jill at her website, https://JillHasday.com.You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/the-sad-truth-about-your-spouse's-lies-in-divorce

If divorce is confusing for adults, imagine how it is for your kids. It seems like everything in their world is changing and they have no control over any of it. It’s up to you to help your kids understand divorce.We often hear that children are resilient and adaptable.I also hear parents say that the kids know that the marriage is ending but they don’t know much about why. The parents think they’ve kept their disagreements private. They think they’ve shielded the kids from the undercurrents in the troubled marriage.The kids seem to be doing just fine. They’re carrying on as normal.But is this what is really happening?Even when you think you’ve protected your kids; they know something isn’t right because their normal has changed. They see changes in routines at home.They may be carrying on their usual but is that because they’re keeping a lid on their emotions? Are they struggling to label what it is they’re feeling? Are they trying desperately not to cause a disagreement between mom and dad?Joining me for this Conversations About Divorce to talk about helping your kids understand divorce is Natalie Knox. Natalie is a primary school teacher and has been a lay counselor for children in crisis including general on-call trauma counselling and specialized divorce recovery counselling. Knox is also the author of The Mending Chronicles of Liam and Emily, a divorce recovery journey that’s aimed at kids aged 6 – 12. Read more about Natalie and her work at https://themendingchronicles.comYou'll also find a synopsis of this show at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-do-you-best-help-your-kids-understand-divorce

With Facebook’s announcement that its own digital currency, Libra is coming in 2020, this type of asset is going to become much more common. If you’re ending your marriage, that means you need to get up to speed about divorce and cryptocurrency.Cryptocurrency is often thought of as hard to trace, difficult to value and highly volatile. All that can spell trouble when you’re negotiating your divorce settlement.So what exactly is cryptocurrency, who typically holds it and how can you find it?Joining me for this Conversation About Divorce is Paul Sibenik with Cryptforensic Investigators who help lawyers and their clients going through divorce to track, trace, and recover non-disclosed or undeclared cryptocurrency through forensic accounting. Paul's website is https://cryptforensic.comYou'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-divorce-and-cryptocurrencyPhoto by Austin Distel on Unsplash

If you’ve been Googling ‘sexless marriage’ then you may also be wondering if passion in your marriage can be rekindled.Most people who now have little to no physical intimacy with their spouse will tell you that it’s not how the relationship started. But somehow, at some point, the passion started to fade. The sex became tense, distant, infrequent. Couple that with feelings of rejection, abandonment, not being loved and even talking about the lack of sex becomes challenging, if not impossible.That obstacle can drive a wedge further into an already strained relationship so that not only has physical intimacy gone but also the emotional intimacy. By then, one or both of you are considering divorce.The standard response to that is to try marriage counselling but is there something else you can do to rekindle the passion?My guest for this Conversation About Divorce is Stephanie Pappas. Pappas is a sex and relationship coach who follows the 5 Erotic Blueprints™ coaching method. Contact Stephanie at CoachingByStephanie.com for a free 30-minute consult. You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/can-the-passion-in-a-sexless-marriage-be-rekindled

You may not realize this, but your mental health may not be private in divorce and it could be used to restrict your parenting time.That’s a counter-pull to the current initiatives in our society. We’re being encouraged to talk openly about, accept, and destigmatize mental health issues. We’re being urged to seek help and treatment for our issues.And, when we do access help, we expect that to given in confidence. There’s a patient-physician privilege to protect us. That’s there to create an environment that cultivates trust and honesty which is fundamental to successful treatment.But in parenting disputes, that privacy can be broken. The fact that you’ve sought treatment can be used against you.So, what can you do to prepare yourself? What can you do to protect yourself?Joining me for this Conversation About Divorce is New York-based family law and matrimonial attorney, Lisa Zeiderman. Zeiderman is the managing partner at Miller, Zeiderman and Whittaker and her work on this topic has appeared in Psychology Today.You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/warning-your-mental-health-may-not-be-private-in-divorce

Many people never suspect their spouse is seeing someone else. They’ve never imagined it. They’ve never thought about what happens when you discover your spouse is unfaithful.Yet, infidelity is often a factor in divorce. The Institute for Family Studies reports that among ever-married adults who have cheated on their spouses before, 40% are currently divorced or separated compared to 17% of adults who were faithful to their spouse.That underscores the devastating impact that infidelity has on a relationship.For the cheated on, it can mean grief, trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety and fear. Any of these can make deciding what to do about your marriage challenging. If you do decide to divorce, that process is even harder because of these emotions.So, what can you do in the moments after you discover your relationship now involves three people? What can you expect to feel? How do you take care of yourself?Joining me for this Conversation About Divorce is Melissa Davis, founder of AfterTheAffair.co which offers support for people looking to heal from their partner’s unfaithfulness.You'll find a synopsis of the show at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/what-happens-when-you-discover-your-spouse-is-unfaithful

One of the benefits of marriage is that it usually means you have a travel companion, and if you have children, then school breaks are a great incentive to get away.All that changes with divorce. You no longer have your spouse to travel with. Compounding that, your friends are probably all married so you're not likely to tag along with them. It's even harder when you're an empty nester and the kids are doing their own trips.A common complaint from newly-singles is that they have no one to go away with so they end up not going on vacation.But it doesn't have to be that way. You have options. Solo travel is liberating and there is no better way to boost your confidence.My guest for this Conversation is divorce coach, Martha Bodyfelt, founder of SurvivingYourSplit.com. Martha is a pro at solo travel. Before our Conversation, she'd just returned from a three-week solo trip to South America where she visited Uruguay, Paraguay, Peru and Ecuador.Listen in to discover Martha's tips for how she makes it work. You'll be inspired.You'll find a synopsis of our Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/guide-travel-solo-after-divorce

Stalking is not uncommon during the end of a relationship. With today's technology and our quest for connection, it's easier than ever to track someone. It's easier to do that without the person's knowledge and it's harder for the person being stalked to stop it.So what is stalking? When does stalking become a crime? What are the common methods of stalking and how can you protect yourself?My guest for this Conversation is BreAnne Meyer, Outreach Director for the Safe Shelter of St. Vrain which offers services to victims of abuse, working with them to develop their safety plan for remaining or leaving their relationship.During the show, Meyer references keeping an incident log. You'll find a template for one at the Stalking Resource Center here: https://victimsofcrime.org/docs/src/stalking-incident-log_pdf.pdf?sfvrsn=4You'll also find a synopsis of the show at my blog here: https://sincemydivorce.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-stalking-and-divorce

Falling in love happens organically. It's exciting, scary, energizing all at the same time. But what happens when the relationship ends, and especially if it's not what you wanted?What do you do when you still love the person who no longer loves you?Do you really just have to wait for time to heal all wounds or are there actions you can take to help that process.My guest for this Conversation is Wellness and Divorce Coach, Lisa Arends. She writes the blog Lessons From the End Of A Marriage. Arends has written about how to fall out of love. She identified 14 features about being in love and create an antidote for each of them.You can read Arends' article here: https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2016/01/how-to-fall-out-of-love/One of Arends antidotes is to get to know yourself again and I have a free download available on that topic. You can sign up here: https://pages.convertkit.com/2144c2f12c/d6b61d2caaArends also has a YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChck9Va5IG4Vbp4sruC_P4w/feed

If you're in a sexless marriage, you are not alone. It's one of the top search terms on my blog and in my experience talking with people considering divorce, there's usually a reference to living like roommates.What is considered a sexless marriage? How long do you wait to do something about it and what should you do? Does it always mean you're destined for divorce?Joining me for this Conversation is Vicki Larson. Vicky is an award-winning journalist and co-author of "The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage For Skeptics, Realists and Rebels." Vicki also blogs at the OMG Chronicles (http://omgchronicles.vickilarson.com/ ) on love, marriage, divorce and life.You'll find a synopsis of the show at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/sexless-marriage-should-divorce

If you can work cooperatively with your spouse through the end of your marriage, it's better all round. Better for your emotional health, better for your kids and absolutely better for your wallet.But that's not always possible especially when there's been domestic abuse, whether it's physical. emotional or financial.Abuse makes ending a relationship much, much more difficult. We know that on average it takes a victim seven attempts to leave an abuser before staying away for good. We also know that the risk of being killed increases 75 percent when a woman tries to leave her batterer. Those are somber statistics.Getting a protection order is one way of shielding yourself. So what is it, when would you get one, how do you get one and how safe does it make the world for you?Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Karen Covy, Karen is a divorce attorney turned divorce adviser and coach. Karen offers a Divorce Road Map program - find out more at her website, https://karencovy.com.You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog at https://sincemydivorce.com/will-your-divorce-be-safe-without-a-protection-order.DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE: 1-822-799-7233

It's pretty typical in a marriage for one spouse to take on the responsibility for doing the taxes and often times, the other spouse is all too happy to be relieved of that task. And then divorce happens ...And then they find out that the taxes they thought they had filed, haven't been filed ...Or, the taxes they thought had been paid, haven't ...Or, they hear for the first time that there's tens of thousands of dollars owed to the IRS.Then what?Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Claudia Revermann from the Minnesota-based firm of Lucent Tax Relief. Revermann has been practicing last for 16 years and worked previously as a tax accountant. Lucent Tax Relief offers a free consultation - call 888-589-0474.You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog at https://sincemydivorce.com/divorce-could-make-an-irs-problem-worse

Figuring out where to live after divorce is often very unsettling and is the issue that causes the most upheaval. While you and your STBX are discussing what happens to the marital home, you feel in a state of limbo, uncertain where life will take you. That makes it hard to make other decisions and yet, at least one of you is going to have to move.Here you are, in the middle of one of life’s most stressful experiences, with everyone telling you no to make any major decisions and there’s this one that you absolutely have to make.How do you decide when to move out of the home? How do you choose where to live? What about the kids? Is renting short term a waste of money?Joining Mandyfor this Conversation is attorney David Glass with Enenstein Pham & Glass. Glass recently published a book, Moving On: Redesigning Your Emotional, Financial and Social Life After Divorce, drawing on his long career as a family law attorney with a PhD in Clinical Psychology as well as his first-hand experience. You can find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-to-avoid-a-mistake-when-you-decide-where-to-live-after-divorceRead more about David Glass at https://enensteinlaw.com/

It doesn't matter the circumstances of the end of your marriage, we all learn things about ourselves in the process. We learn our values, our beliefs, our choices and, if we do the self-work we understand where they came from and if they are serving or hurting us. This is your baggage. We all have it. And if you want to find happiness after divorce some it is going to have to go. Mandy's guest for this Conversation calls it "taking out your trash." Antonia Ragozzino has just published her second novel, "Taking Out The Trash: Garbage In ... Garbage Out." The main character is Ella and Antonia used her own first-hand experiences after divorce to help Ella sort out her trash.Listen in to hear what was the hardest piece of trash for Antonia, the most significant and the most surprising. You'll find a synopsis of the Conversation at Mandy's blog: https://sncemydivorce.com/letting-go-of-the-past-after-divorce You can follow Antonia at her blog: https://AntoniaBlogs and also on her YouTube channel, Taking Out The Trash where she offers inspiration about being single after divorce.

Talking about credit scores doesn't sound like a very interesting topic and in fact, it's good if your credit score is boring. That would mean that it was at least stable.But stable is often not what's going on in divorce and divorce is frequently the time when people are looking at their credit score for the first time or in a long time. As we start to talk about things like getting a new credit card, closing out old accounts, qualifying for a mortgage or car loan, the importance of your credit score becomes very clear.So how does getting divorced impact your credit score? Why do many people find their scores plummeting during divorce? What can you do to protect yourself?Joining Mandy for this Conversation About Divorce is attorney John Heath from Lexington Law. Call 1-844-422-0817 for a free credit repair consultation.You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-to-better-manage-your-credit-score-through-your-divorce

There's little disagreement that ending your marriage is one of the most difficult experiences and transitions you'll have in life. It can also be one of the most isolating. In the months leading up to going public, people often hide the truth about what is going on from family and friends because if you can work it out, you don't want people to know about all the problems.Once the decision is public, people are still quiet about what's going on. That's a mixture of wanting some privacy, fear of judgement, feeling embarrassed and simply not wanting to talk about it.Yet, it is precisely at these times that we need the support of others.So how do you reach out for help? Where are the safe places to find support? How much do you share about what is going on? When do you need to be cautious?Joining Mandy for this Conversation, is Judy Herbst, director of PR ad Partnerships at Worthy.com. Worthy.com is the online auction site for wedding rings, estate jewelry, watches and more and is also the creator and moderator of the Facebook group, Worthy Women And Divorce. It's a group with more than 60,000 members, so clearly Worthy is offering support that people.Find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog here: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-to-find-the-right-divorce-support-for-you

While deciding to divorce is always a hard decision and not something anyone wants, for some people it becomes very clear that this is what needs to happen. Often times this involves infidelity, domestic abuse or addiction problems.For others, making the decision is much more challenging. They get along OK with their spouse, don't really argue, parent well together, can make decisions together but there's something's missing. Usually it's a lack of intimacy - physical and/or emotional. It's a roommate marriage.These are the hardest marriages to end. People agonize over the decision for months, even years. Couples counselling often doesn't help but you don't want to make a mistake and you don't want to hurt your spouse.Is there a way for you to change the dynamic with your spouse? Can you be sure that you won't be making a mistake if you divorce? How do you engage your spouse in this?Joining Mandy for this Conversation are world-renowned relationship experts Doctors John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman. For forty years, the Gottmans have studied what separates the masters of relationships from the disasters. They have a new book out - EIGHT DATES: Essential Conversations For A Lifetime Of Love. Find out more about the Gottmans and their work at https://www.gottman.com.You'll find a synopsis of this show at Mandy's blog at https://sincemydivorce.com/sure-divorce-8-dates-help/

Boundaries is a word that comes up often in divorce-related discussions. Certainly, the changing nature of your relationship with your ex may make it apparent that it's time for new boundaries with them.Dealing with friends and family members may also prompt you to re-examine your boundaries as you try to protect yourself from over-sharing or being told what you should and shouldn't be doing.And then there's dating ... that experience may make you wonder if you ever had good boundaries to begin with or what has happened to everyone else's boundaries.So what exactly are boundaries, how do they protect us, how can we change our boundaries and can boundaries ever hurt us?My expert for this Conversation is divorce coach, Martha Bodyfelt who specializes in divorce recovery.You can download Martha's Ultimate Divorce Recovery Guide at her website https://survivingyoursplit.com.You'll find a guest post from Martha on boundaries at Mandy's blog - https://sincemydivorce.com/tired-getting-hurt-need-new-boundaries

One of the most common reasons for not ending a marriage is not wanting to break up the family. Yet, ask people who are post-divorce and they'll tell you with no uncertainty that they are still a family, just a bit different now.This tells us that the sense of family is important to many people and that what family means is fluid.So how do people accept their family is changing? What does family after divorce mean? What can you do to shape the family you have after divorce?Joining Mandy for this Conversation is relationship counselor and coach, Wendy Smith Baruc who has worked with couples and families for over thirty yeas. Wendy is the author of Accepting Your blended Family: A Handbook For Life After Divorce.Wendy is offering listeners a complimentary 30-minute consult. Contact Wendy through her website at https://wendysmithbaruc.com/.Get a synopsis of the show at Mandy's blog at https://sincemydivorce.com/wrong-thin-family-divorce .

Divorce is always an opportunistic event except that most people don't see it that way.It's opportunistic because at least for the person making the decision to end the marriage, they have concluded that life will be better outside the relationship. It doesn't mean that the divorce was what they wanted or that it isn't hurtful, painful and difficult. Nor does it mean that every aspect of their life will be better. Finances might be worse but emotionally it would be better. Lifestyle may change but parenting may become easier. Weighing all the considerations, the decision-maker sees that their life on balance would be better.And usually that's not just by a little. People often say that it's the 'I can't stand it any longer' type of better or the 'there is no hope of change' type of better, even the 'I'm going to make myself sick if I don't do this.'So what does it take to see divorce as an opportunity? What does it take if you aren't the one making the decision? Is there a way to make sure you aren't making a mistake?Joining Mandy for this Conversation is attorney and mediator Gabrielle Hartley. Gabrielle has been developing a non-toxic approach to divorce for over twenty years and keeps 99 percent of her cases out of the courtroom. She's the author of Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate.You can download Gabrielle's The Five Essential Elements to Becoming Better Apart at her website https://gabriellehartley.com.You'll find a synopsis of this show at Mandy's blog at https://sincemydivorce.com/divorce-opportunity-end-world

The standard advice for a non-working spouse used to be to sit tight and not make any changes. They likely could continue to stay-at-home and may even get lifetime alimony. That's not the case any longer. Alimony is likely going to be limited in duration and more and more professionals are saying get back to work and don't wait.So what should you consider? What sort of work are you expected to be doing? How could this impact your spousal support?Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Ann Grant, an attorney who experienced her own high-conflict divorce and author of the recently published The Divorce Hacker's Guide To Untying The Knot: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Finances, Child Custody, Lawyers and Planning Ahead. Read more about Amy at www.TheDivorcehacker.com.You'll find a synopsis of this show at Mandy's blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/divorcing-still-working-might-regret

Typically, what happens in divorce is that one spouse keeps the marital home, buying out the equity of the other spouse, or the house is sold and the net proceeds shared.But more and more couples are finding that this won't work for them. Rising mortgage interest rates and increasing house prices are driving divorcing couples to see how they can continue to co-own the marital home after divorce.These arrangements can absolutely work however there are many details and situations that need to be considered and discussed up front so they can be written into your divorce agreement. It is not as simple as you might think.Mandy's guest for this Conversation is Joe Dillon, founder of Equitable Mediation. Joe has over 20 years of experience in mediation and specializes in helping couples negotiate a fair settlement and divorce peacefully and cost-effectively -without lawyers. Joe has a free download - 10 Compelling Reasons To Mediate Your Divorce which is available at his website https://www.EquitableMediation.comYou'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog at https://sincemydivorce.com/keep-house-ex-divorce

Healing from divorce is something we all need to do. It applies just as much to the person who initiates the divorce as the person whose spouse makes the decision.Working through the recovery process stirs up so much - some from your childhood and family of origin, some from our cultural and societal norms and expectations and, of course, a whole lot from what happened during your marriage and previous committed relationships.While we all need to work on our healing, many people don't and the consequences of that plays out in our relationships with our family members, with our friends and with new intimate partners.So what does healing from divorce look like? How long does it take? What does it involve and how do you do it?Joining Mandy for this Conversation is transformational divorce coach and wellness strategist, Dawn Burnett. Dawn is the author of Connect: How To Love And Accept Yourself After Divorce. (available on Amazon)You can find a synopsis of this show at Mandy's blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/easy-quick-way-heal-divorce

When you hear a tale of abuse, whether it's in the news, a friend or a family member, and whether it's physical, emotional or financial abuse, do you find yourself wondering why the person doesn't just leave? Why do they stay?They know why. They know exactly what it takes to leave an abusive relationship. In fact, survivors have often left many times and the obstacles to being alone force them back to their abuser.Joining Mandy for this Conversation about leaving an abusive relationship are Jackie List and BreAnne Meyer with Safe Shelter of St. Vrain in Longmont, Colorado. Safe Shelter offers services to victims of abuse, working with them to develop their safety plan for remaining in the relationship or leaving.The national domestic abuse hotline is 1-800-799-7233 and the website is http://thehotline.org.Find a synopsis of this show at Mandy's blog: http://sincemydivorce.com/know-takes-leave-abuser

Juggling parenting and working is hard enough - doing it when your children are in two homes is even more challenging. When you're trying to make sure your child's other parent is on the same page with schedules, transportation, homework, activities, play-dates, doctor's appointments, it's easy for something to fall through the cracks.In fact, it's inevitable. You know it's going to happen and you just hope that it won't be something too important.Who doesn't want an assistant? Well, chances are you already do have an assistant - your smartphone and if you haven't discovered this yet, there are lots of digital tools available to help your life easier.Joining Mandy for this conversation is Priya Rajendran - a technology veteran and creator of S'moresUp, a free iOS app that helps families manage parenting and particularly co-parenting after divorce. Priya developed her app based on what she learned during her own single parenting experience.You can read a synopsis of the show at Mandy's blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/use-technology-solve-common-single-parenting-problems

Apologies are powerful - done well, they open the door to healing, make amends for wrong-doings and may lead to forgiveness and rebuilt relationships.The absence of a sincere apology on the other hand, can make relationships worse, destroy trust and create obstacles to healing.In the context of divorce, the lack of a heartfelt apology can lead to bitterness and resentment over the end of the marriage, and may seriously hamper the ability of parents to work together for their children.But apologies are often in short supply. What difference does an apology make? What makes it so difficult to say 'I'm sorry'? Should you ask for an apology?Joining Mandy for this Conversation is divorce coach Martha Bodyfelt from SurvivingYourSplit.com.You can find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog here: https://sincemydivorce.com/apology-make-right-divorce

The gold standard in parenting after divorce that we're all supposed to aim for is co-parenting - you work collaboratively on all aspects of your child's life with your ex. You work to adopt common parenting strategies, have consistent rules between homes, attend events together, and some even vacation together.The reality is that very few parents can accomplish this all the time and for some parents this is an impossible standard most of the time. Trying to follow co-parenting strategies may actually cause more conflict and leads to stress and anxiety for everyone, including your child.The alternative model is parallel parenting, something that isn't talked about enough. Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Jai Kissoon from Our Family Wizard, the third party communication platform which helps parents managing their parenting and reduces the conflict.There's a synopsis of this show posted at Mandy's blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/parallel-parenting-doesnt-make-bad-parent

If you're looking for guidance on divorcing with adult children, you might not find much.They tend to be the forgotten demograhic: the legal system is all about minor children and there simply hasn't been much research on the impact of divorce in adult children. That's probably because until recently divorce among people with long term marriages was less common. That's changing and in fact, the divorce rate among people aged 50 and older is increasing. That means more and more adults are experiencing their parents' divorce.What we're finding is that the age of the children doesn't matter - they will still care that you're divorcing and their age doesn't make it any easier or harder to handle. Their age brings its own set of problems and complications.Joining Mandy for this Conversation is divorce-attorney-turned divorce adviser and coach Karen Covy. Karen's mission is to help people understand their divorce options so they can make choices that will help them not only survive their divorce but put them in a position to thrive afterwards. Visit KarenCovy.com to download Karen's FREE Divorce Tool Kit with checklists and worksheets to help you get oganized.For a synopsis of this Conversation about divorcing with adult children, visit Mandy's Since My Divorce blog.

Household bills, credit card bills, bank charges, late-payment fees, kid expenses, mortgage refinancing, IRA transfers ... divorce often means having to deal with all of these all at once. It's a deluge that can be overwhelming even if you are used to handling all the finances. If you haven't been handling the finances, then you might feel like you're drowning.Layer on top of that the emotions and beliefs we all attach to money and it's no wonder people procrastinate and delay dealing with this and end up feeling incompetent and inadequate.But living on a fixed income, with no one else sharing the financial responsibilities means we do have to deal with it, and the sooner the better. But where do you start, and how do you do it?Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Shannon McLay, CEO of The Financial Gym. Shannon believes the key to financial success for most people is human contact, not a website or an app and given the right guidance, anyone can be financially fit.Find out more about working with a financial trainer at the Financial Gym. Membership is usually $85 per month with a money back guarantee and through the Summer you can get up to 30% off the monthly membership for your first year. This is the special offer Shannon talks about during the show.Remember, you'll find a synopsis of this show at Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce.

As a divorce coach and blogger,  I hear lots of stories about people's marriages - they write and share the awful things that have been going on, often times for years, Then they say they really feel like throwing in the towel and calling it quits but should they?They feel guitly, scared, embarassed, ashamed, afraid for the kids, can't afford to leave and sometimes even wonder if their reason for wanting out is good enough.If things are so bad and have been so bad for so long why do they stay? What keeps them from leaving?Joining me for ths Conversation is Alex Delon, author of Leaving You ... For Me. Alex left her marriage of 47 years, with a medicare card in her pocket and bravely entered singledom. In this frank, honest and vulnerable Conversation Alex shares how she was pressured to accept her marriage for so long, normalized the mistreatment and rationalized staying until the final straw.You'll find a synopsis of the show at Mandy's blog. 

Most people don't make snap decisions to end a marriage and that's as it should be. Getting a legal and financial assessment about the impact of divorce is helpful but how do you assess the emotional relationship? And if it's your spouse who's deciding to end the marriage, how do you know whether to keep fighting for the marriage or to accept their decision?Joining Mandy for this Conversation are Elaine and Joe Foster, co-authors of I Wish I Knew This Before My Divorce: Ending The Battle Between Holding On And Letting Go. Their book is available on Amazon and features the marital autopsy, developed by Elaine Foster based on the 24 factors that are most often found in divorcing couples.

Have you ever met anyone who said their divorce was easy? The legal process may be easy for some but the emotional process of ending a marriage is challenging for virtually everyone. People often describe it as the hardest life experience they've faced.Getting divorced has a way of bringing out the worst in the best of us. It shakes your confidence, your self-esteem and fills you with self-doubts and fears of not being enough - not good enough, not smart enough, not attractive enough, not capable enough ...These are self-limiting beliefs and they hold us back from rebuilding our lives after divorce and from living life to our potential. The solution starts with self-love and compassion. Attorney turned life-coach Sunny McMillan says that while the mainstream may see this as fluffy and self-indulgent, she believes they are the cornerstone to divorce recovery and coming out on the other side whole.Listen in to Mandy's and Sunny's Conversation as they chat about why most people struggle with self-love and how you can change that.Sunny McMillan is the author of Unhitched: Unlock Your Courage And Clarity And Unstick Your Bad Marriage. You can download a copy of Sunny's book for free at Unhitchedbook.com and read more about Sunny at GoldenOverSoul.com.Find a synopsis of this show about learning to love yourself after divorce and more divorce support at Mandy's blog, SinceMyDivorce.com.

It doesn't matter who it is, best-friend, niece, cousin ... who wants to go to an event celebrating a marriage when your own marriage is falling apart or if you're in the middle of all the legal wrangling or even when you're just starting out on your own again?Can you say no to wedding invites?Can you go solo, even before you and your spouse have gone public?Who else can you take as a plus one?How do you handle those awkward questions from extended family members?Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Elise Pettus, founder of Untied.net, an online magazine and real-life community based in New York, for women going through divorce. Pettus says weddings are the perfect opportunity to push yourself out of your comfort zone and to start exploring the next phase of your life and she has plenty of suggestions for keeping them fun.Check out Mandy's Since My Divorce blog for a synopsis of the show. 

Regardless of how civil or amicable you want your divorce to be, disagreements are inevitable. Knowing how to calm anger in divorce could be your key to resolving these disagreements and staying out of the courtroom.When you're negotiating over the division of assets and how to parent together, and the hurt and pain are fresh and raw, it's hard to approach this simply as a business negotiation. It's easy to let all the past history bubble up into angry outbursts.Those angry exchanges can continue long after the divorce is final when you're parenting together.Are there things you can do to calm your SBTX's anger?If you're uncomfortable around anger, is it possible to stop yourself from walking away, withdrawing?What if it's you who's angry? Is it healthy to get angry? How can you stop yourself from directing your anger at other people?Joining Mandy to explore this Conversation is attorney, mediator and peacemaker Douglas Noll. Doug coaches people as diverse as Fortune 500 company executives and inmates in maximum security prisons. He is the author of De-Escalate: How To Calm An Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less. Visit Mandy's Since My Divorce blog for a synopsis of this Conversation.

Many couples don't discuss their child's college expenses at the time of their divorce for two reasons. One, typically, courts have no jurisdiction over this and there is no requirement for parents to pay for their child's college education so many lawyers recommend leaving it out of the divorce agreement. Two, when getting everything else resolved has taken so much time and effort, who has the energy to discuss something that isn't required?That could be a big mistake and at the very least, financial aid expert Paula Bishop says couples need to agree to meet and discuss financial aid before their child starts the application process. Not doing so, could make the cost of attending college significantly more for your child.Listen in to this Conversation to learn the key points about financial aid including how to determine who is the custodial parent and the difference this makes.Paula offers some key resources for how to pay for college without going broke at her website.You'll find a synopsis of the show at Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce. 

Nobody likes to think their spouse is lying to them but if you're getting divorced, the chances that they are not being entirely truthful increases and you need to be alert to that possibility. Accepting everything they say as fact could hurt you.If you've always believed your spouse, how to do start to detect the lies?On the otherhand, if you're convinced now that everything out of your spouse's mouth is a lie, how do you know what's true?What are the telltale signs the experts watch for? Joining Mandy for this Conversation is body language expert, Traci Brown. Traci is often seen on TV analyzing the likes of Lance Armstrong, Hillary Clinton, Tom Brady and Tonya Harding. She is the author of How To Detect Lies, Fraud and Identity Theft.You can find a synopsis of this show at Mandy's blog, SinceMyDivorce.com. 

Most people don't want a litigated divorce. They want a civil divorce. They hope their spouse will agree that the marriage is over and then they can discuss the parenting and finances as reasonable people who once loved each other. No one wants the nastiness and expense of a courtroom battle and no one wants long, drawn out negotiations that keep you locked in a state of limbo for months.The good news is that you can have a civil divorce and the key to that is being emotionally prepared to choose that path. It's not easy. It requires patience and maturity and a commitment to that path.Joining Mandy for this Conversation to chat about how you can choose a civil divorce is Sally Boyle, a certified finanical planner and certified divorce financial analyst. Boyle is also the author of Deconstructing Divorce: Taking The Mystery Out Of Divorce And Its Impact On Your Family, Finances, and Future.You can find a synopsis of the show at Mandy's blog Since My Divorce.

Whether you like the term or not, gray divorce is real and the rate for midlife divorces in the U.S. is increasing. Most of the time, the kids are adults or in college so the absence of parenting issues can make the divorce easier. Conversely, there may be more assets that need to be divided and this makes these divorces more complex. What is clear, is that midlife splits are not easy or straight-forward and men and women experience these divorces very differently.Listen in to discover what drives these divorces, the social penatly that men often pay and the financial challenges women have to overcome.Joining Mandy for this episode Jocelyn Elise Crowley, Ph. D, professor of public policy at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. Crowley's most recent book is, Gray Divorce: What we Lose and Gain From Mid-Life Splits.You can find a synopsis of the show at Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce

Nobody likes to talk about their debts and it's often the hardest part of negotiations in divorce.Too often, one spouse didn't realize the extent of the debt or perhaps there's always been conflct because one party is a spender and the other is a saver. Perhaps both spouses knew about the debt but didn't really pay attention to it because, well, life was grand, the money was coming in, and borrowing for a second car or a vacation was part of the plan. It was all going to work out.But then it doesn't work out and divorce happens. That means you have to confront reality.Can the debt be paid off?Who should take which debts?Who can afford to pay back the debt?How all that happens depends on circumstances for the debt in the first place and the type of debt it is - credit card debt is different from car loan debt is different from 401(k) debt is different from student loan debt. You get the picture?Ugh. But you don't have to figure it yourself! Joining Mandy for this Conversation is financial guru, Lili Vasileff. Lili's latet book is Money & Divorce: The Essential Roadmap To mastering Financial Decisions (available on Amazon).Sounding complicated? You'll find a handy synopsis over at Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce.

Compensation issues in divorce may be more common than you would expect. They often come up in connection with spousal support or alimony and when it comes to things like stock options and deferred compensation arrangements, the division of marital assets is impacted.The questions that come from different compensation arrangements are frequently confusing and complex and even the recipients often don't fully understand what they have. So if you're the divorcing spouse what are you supposed to do? How will you figure this out and how will you handle it them in your divorce?It might be tempting to ignore them or accept your STBX's position that they have no current value but that's not the answer. Do that and you'll likely end up with a divorce agreement you'll later regret or second guess.In this Conversation, we're going to tackle some of the more common challenges and help you identify the questions you need to ask.Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Michael Wayland, assistant professor of business at Methodist University and a mediator with Christian Divorce Services. During the show, Michael references a stock option value calculator. You can find that Black Scholes calculator here.Remember to check Mandy's Since My Divorce blog for a synopsis of the common compensation issues in divorce.

There have been numerous studies finding that divorce increases the risk of suicide and that risk is much higher for men than for women. While the marriage maybe ending, suicide is not the outcome most people want.How do you respond if you start to discuss divorce and your spouse starts talking about suicide?What do you do if it's you whose having suicidal thoughts?And maybe even more difficult to deal with, what if your child starts to talk about just wanting to be done?Should the divorce be put on hold or do you push ahead? Is the threat of divorce reason to stay married?Joining Mandy for this important Conversation, is fellow divorce coach Martha Bodyfelt. Read more about Martha's work at her website, SurvivingYourSplit.com and sign up for Martha's free divorce survival guide.Important resources for suicide prevention: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline,  Suicide.org, Veterans Crisis Line and Man Therapy.Visit mandy's blog at SinceMyDivorce.com for a synopsis of this show and more guidance on coping with divorce.

Whether you are using attorneys or not, to get started on your divorce, you will have to gather all of your financial information and share it with your spouse (and vice versa). Many people, inadvertently skip this step and jump straight into discussions about who's going to keep the house and how other assets should be divided. That's not smart and it can lead to deadlocks and breakdowns in the negotiations. You'll also be making life-changing decisions with incomplete information.Yet, when people do start gathering this information, frequently it's overwhelming and confusing so they put it off and procrastinate.The reality however is that the sooner you do this, the better it is for you. You'll have a much more accurate assessment of the financial impact of divorce on your lifestyle, you'll have more clarity, more certainty and be in a better position to make the decisions that are right for you.So what financial information are we talking about? Where do you start? How do you value different assets? And what can you learn from different documents?Joining Mandy for this Conversation are financial advisors, David Chwalek and Renee Senes who are co-authors of the book, Money & Divorce: Costly Mistakes You Don't Want To Make.Check out Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce for a synopsis of the show. Visit the Insitute for Divorce Financial Analysts to find a CDFA near you.

The new tax bill has lots of changes that impact people getting divorced and while there's been plenty of media coverage of the changes, that coverage has been short on the divorce related details and specifics such as the tax year in which changes take effect or reminders about changes that will revert in 2026.Understanding these changes is important for anyone negotiating a divorce settlement and especially important if you started those negotiations last year. What makes this even more critical is that most of the time, once your settlement agreement becomes a court order, you are done. There are no do-overs and your STBX is not going to renegotiate something just because you didn't understand the impact of the new tax law.Thankfully, we do not have to wade through the bill itself to learn about the changes. We can turn to experts for that and one of those experts is Michael Wayland, assistant professor at Methodist University who is also a mediator. Wayland has written a white paper on the impacts of the new tax bill on divorce and joins Mandy to discuss his White Paper in this Conversation.You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's Since My Divorce blog. 

Businesses come in all shapes and sizes. If the business is making money, then it's pretty obvious that there's going to be a discussion about how that business should be valued and divided in divorce and there's rarely one answer to that.If the business isn't making any money, then a common mistake is thinking that it can be ignored. It can't. You may still need to discuss compensation for the startup expenses and you'll definitely want protection from future debts and liabilities.Joining Mandy to discuss this complicated area is Chicago-based divorce adviser, attorney, mediator and coach, Karen Covy. Karen has a free divorce toolkit available for download at her website.Looking for a transscript? Visit Mandy's blog for a synopsis of this conversation and more essential information to help you make the best decisions for you.

If you're working on your marriage, trying to save your relationship, then you need to create a post-nuptial agreement. The communication that goes into creating one of these agreements means that your relationship could be transformed in a meaningful and lasting way. If it doesn't create lasting change, then the agreement could make your divorce much. much easier and significantly less expensive.Joining Mandy for this Conversation is attorney Tom Gardiner, author of The Post Nup Solution: How To Save A Marriage In Crisis Or End It Fairly. (Available on Amazon) Tom is a business attorney who has created many partner and sharehold agreements which involve many hours with the parties planning out the future and how to handle what-ifs. "But with the most important relationship, the spousal relationship, people don't do that," said Gardiner. "If corporate clients can do this, why can't couples?"Listen in to learn what goes into a post-nup, how you can create your own and how it might help you in divorce. If you're looking for synopsis, check out Mandy's Since My Divorce blog.

The Holidays are tough no matter where you are in the divorce process. And while you may feel like skipping them altogether, they are hard to avoid. Everywhere you go, there's a message about the holidays that hits you - on T.V., on the radio, at the grocery store, at work, in your neighborhood, at your kid's school .... There's no escape.So what are you supposed to do? Is there a way to change your thinking and instead of dreading them, embrace the holidays so you actually have fun and enjoy yourself?Yes! And you might be surprised at how some simple strategies can shift your thinking. Joining Mandy for this Conversation is divorce coach Martha Bodyfelt. Martha is a regular contributor to Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce and has also created an online course, How To Actually Love The Holidays Again. Remember to visit Mandy's blog for a synopsis of this Conversation and previous Converations.

Pets are an integral part of daily life for many families. They're often seen and treated as family members. So when it comes to divorce, deciding what happens to the pets can be every bit as contentious as deciding how to co-parent together.While couples may want to create a plan for sharing, in the vast majority of places in the U.S. the law still treats pets as property. That means if you can't come to your own agreement, then a judge will decide what happens to the pets following the same rules that apply to other property such as a car, a lawn mower or artwork.This becomes an even harder challenge when there are children involved who see the pets as theirs and want the pets to follow the same co-parenting schedule as them, moving between two homes.And, of course, because this is divorce, there's fear and hurt feelings and pets do get used as leverage in negotiations, manipulation, and power and control.Ugh. So what do you need to know so you can craft the agreement that a judge can't?Joining Mandy for this Conversation is attorney Jessica Leischner from the Washington D.C. law firm of Wade, Grimes, Friedman. Meinken and Leischner. Visit their website to download their free divorce guides covering topics such as mediation, collaborative divorce and divorce for members of the military.You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce.

Almost everyone getting divorced these days goes online for help, whether that's looking for information to help avoid using attorneys or for emotional support. Nobody is relying solely on what their attorney tells them.The good news is that there is a ton of information and resources available now. The bad news is that some of these could harm you more than help you. So what are the pitfalls of going online? What are the risks? How can you tell which sources are trustworthy and dependable and which sources should you steer clear of? What are the redflags you should be watching for?Joining Mandy for this show is Gregory Frank, co-founder of Divorce Force, one of the premier online communities committed to connecting and empowering those affected by divorce. Frank is an advocate of taking advantage of everything the Internet has to offer but cautions people to be smart. "The good news is that there are so many capabilities and so much information that you can obtain online that it's a phenomenal place to start."Remember to check out Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce,  for a synopsis of the show.

Disagreements are normal in any relationship so you have to expect that you and your ex are not going to agree on everything. If you're not comfortable handling disagreements, knowing this might make you groan, tense up and become anxious. You have choices.You could decide you're just going to say no to everything your ex asks. That will however lead to on-going unresolved conflict which is when divorce harms children the most.At the other end of the scale, you could choose to go along with whatever your ex wants. This is more a theoretical option rather than anything that is viable.. Or, you take it step-by-step, issue-by-issue and learn how to handle the difficult conversations better.Realistically, this third option is the only meaningful choice. And there are some pretty simple techniques you can follow that will help you communicate more meaningfully and effectively.Joining Mandy to discuss these techniques are two communication experts, Leslie Breisch and Christina Jensen. Breisch is the co-founder and Software Developer of Civil Communicator and Jensen is Director of Sales and Marketing. Civil Communicator is a third-party communication platform designed to help parents communicate productively about the needs ot their child.If you're interested in trying Civil Communicator, there's a 30-day free trial and special for listeners to Conversations About Divorce, Civil Communicator is offering an additional one month free with the coupon code "divorce." Remember to check out Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce where you'll find a synopsis of this Conversation together with lots more valuable insights and strategies for helping you through your divorce.