Podcasts about thriving intimacy

Nobody likes to get triggered or feel out of control or try “everything” to fix the relationship but feel like nothing changes. On today's podcast, I interview somatic marriage coach Becky Aste. We have a candid conversation about how “trying” to fix relationships can just create more mess. Becky explains the tools behind somatic practices that allow you to thrive in relationships, not just survive. Becky Aste is a trauma-informed marriage coach and the host of “Your Breakthrough Blueprint,” a top 5% globally ranked podcast. She is the CEO and creator of “I Do Breakthrough,” a company dedicated to equipping highly ambitious wives to repair thriving connection in their marriage by moving trauma out of the body. After spending a decade researching and going through every mainstream modality of healing to save her own marriage, she found herself two kids later, separated from her husband and on the verge of divorce. At the final hour, she stumbled upon the unconventional game-changer of somatic work that took her marriage from dying to thriving in less than a year and has made it her mission to get this into the hands of every woman possible ever since. Whether it's betrayal, addiction, abandonment, abuse, neglect, grief or something else we've survived - our body keeps the score and can become an unconscious emotional block to the connection in our marriage, and Becky gets to work with you to clear those blocks OUT. Becky's contact info: Website: https://www.idobreakthrough.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/becky_aste Free training: 3 Secrets to Thriving Intimacy at https://www.idobreakthrough.com/ HAVE A TOPIC FOR THE PODCAST? Please leave me a voicemail. For more information go to my website here: https://mikkigardner.com/podcast/ © 2021 - 2024 Mikki Gardner Coaching

“Our body keeps the score of the trauma we've survived.” When I read this line from today's guest, I knew we had to talk more about it. Shame, guilt, grief, anger, sadness… when not fully expressed and released, these emotions and experiences can nestle their way into our bodies and cause a whirlwind of feelings like pain, anxiety, depression, and so much more.Today, we're talking to Becky Aste about ways to release trauma stored in your body so you can not only heal physically but heal mentally as well.In this episode, you'll learn:How Becky saved her dying marriage with somatic workUnderstanding what somatic healing and work areHow to pinpoint if you have stored trauma in your bodyThe importance of getting curious about your body's signalsSimple ways to release trauma stored in the bodyLet it be simple, even if it's out of your nervous system's comfort zoneThe pandemic of shame and how to complete griefA tool for intentional compartmentalizingBecky is a married mother of two, a trauma-informed marriage coach, and the host of “Your Breakthrough Blueprint,” a top 5% globally ranked podcast. She is also the CEO and creator of “I Do Breakthrough,” a company dedicated to equipping highly ambitious wives to repair thriving connections in their marriage by moving trauma out of the body.Resources from this episodeFoundations for Getting Out of Your Head - a FREE 5-day private podcast experience. During this 5-day private podcast experience, I will cut through the noise and be your guide to breaking free from what is holding you back - your thoughts.If you want to learn more about your body and its messages, check out Becky's The Meaning Behind Your Physical Symptoms: Chakra Crash Course.If you're looking to complete your grief, check out The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman.Check out Becky's free training 3 Secrets to Thriving Intimacy.Connect with Becky AsteFacebook: @becky.aste Instagram: @becky_astePodcast: Your Breakthrough Blueprint with Becky Aste Website: idobreakthrough.com Connect with LauraAuraFacebook: @thatlauraauraTikTok:  @thatlauraauraInstagram: @thatlauraauraWebsite: LauraAura.comSupport the Show.THANK YOU, GUTSY TRIBE!We love, love, love to read your comments, feedback, and reviews. If you haven't yet, drop us one below! Your review might even get highlighted within one of our gutsy love posts or on our website.https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/the-gutsy-podcast/id1445481970

Becky Aste, a Somatic Relationship Expert, paid us a surprise visit in First Class for a POP UP PARTY! In this episode, Becky explains the concept of somatic work and its benefits for the body and mind. Somatic work helps you align your goals with your true self, pursue personal projects, and cultivate gratitude. Moreover, it enables the body to function from a place of peace rather than anxiety. Becky also shares some of her somatic experiences and how she applies this work to her clients, family, and relationships. Old traumas can affect romantic relationships, and somatic work is a valuable tool for establishing intimacy and connection with partners. Tune in to learn more! Episode Resources Access Becky Aste's 3 Secrets to Thriving Intimacy! ANNOUNCING our next international luxury retreat! APPLICATIONS OPEN (2 spots left for pre-enrollment!) Start a Daily Meditation Practice in 20 minutes or less! Sponsored by Cenegenics is the leader in the performance health age management industry and has helped over 49,000 executives reduce stress and optimize body composition to achieve peak cognitive, physical and metabolic health. Claim your exclusive complimentary 10-minute consultation! Other Resources Join Keri's FREE Somatic Success® Society where female business professionals learn all about nervous system strategies for their unique body with access to exclusive training, interviews, and inspiration. You must answer all of the community questions so that your request to join is approved. Join our VIP e-mail list HERE for access to exclusive announcements, potent content, events, and global retreats.   Connect with Becky Instagram: @becky_aste Connect with Keri Follow Keri: @iamkeriford Follow the podcast: @literallyfirstclass Making First Class moves? Use the hashtag #LiterallyFirstClass  

In today's episode, I sit down with relationship coach and host of Your Breakthrough Blueprint Podcast, Becky Aste. Becky is the CEO, creator and executive coach of I Do Breakthrough, a company dedicated to saving marriages and reversing generational trauma. Join us as we explore the transformative power of somatic work and how it can impact not just your marriage, but also your business. Topics Covered:Understanding how our bodies store trauma and emotional experiences through Somatic work. Bodies hold onto the trauma we've experienced, often manifesting as physical symptoms like anxiety, panic attacks, and chronic illnesses. Somatic work helps address the deeper emotional wounds stored within.Personal development and healing in your marriage can have a direct impact on your business success.Simple grounding techniques can help reconnect you with your bodies and break the cycle of survival mode.Intimacy restoration is not limited to romantic relationships, but extends to our relationship with business and money.By understanding how our bodies store trauma and stress, we can unlock breakthroughs in various areas of our lives. Somatic work offers a holistic approach to healing and thriving. Becky's Links:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/becky_aste/Website + Free training “3 Secrets to Thriving Intimacy”: www.idobreakthrough.comPodcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-breakthrough-blueprint-with-becky-aste-for-the/id1676348200Staci's Links:Instagram. Website.The School for Small Business Podcast is a proud member of the Female Alliance Media. To learn more about Female Alliance Media and how they are elevating female voices or how they can support your show, visit femalealliancemedia.ca.Head over to my website https://www.stacimillard.com/ to grab your FREE copy of my Profit Playbook and receive 30 innovative ways you can add more profit to your business AND the first step towards implementing these ideas in your business!

Brannon and Ashlynn talk about recovery demanding we grow and learn to respond rather than react but how is that done? Does this apply outside of the arena of addiction and betrayal? Yup. Listen to understand why. DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START? Click here: beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens! Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat...

Brannon and Ashlynn talk about recovery demanding we grow and learn to respond rather than react but how is that done?  Does this apply outside of the arena of addiction and betrayal?  Yup.  Listen to understand why.     DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Click here: beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat...

How do I recognize I'm overwhelmed? Does the feeling of overwhelm show up before I meltdown? How can I recognize it in future and what can I do to help myself get through it? DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START? Click here: beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens! Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat...

How do I recognize I'm overwhelmed?  Does the feeling of overwhelm show up before I meltdown?  How can I recognize it in future and what can I do to help myself get through it?   DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Click here: beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat...

Brannon, Ashlynn and Coby talk about the different ways that partners advance in recovery and the various speeds and what impact that can have and what it means.     DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Click here: beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Brannon, Ashlynn and Coby share their perspectives and vicarious experience on this topic.  Many men have reached out having been betrayed by their female partners with either porn, masturbation or infidelity.  This heart breaking but very real topic is more common than anyone would care to consider. DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Click here: beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

It takes varying degrees of courage to disclose acting out but it does feel bette when shared but when the betrayed partner hears the news and are crushed.  It is a crazy dichotomy but how is it navigated?   DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Click here: beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Garrett Jonsson is the podcast producer and a public presenter for  Fight the New Drug, an organization that is raising awareness about the harmful effects of porn using only science, facts and personal experiences.  He shares his journey of recovery which includes 30 marathons in 30 days followed by riding his bike over 3,800 miles across The United States to raise awareness of the effects of porn.  It is an unorthodox story of recovery and is beautiful at the same time.   DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Click here: beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Acting out sexually was Coby's way of dealing with stress but having sex with his wife Ashlynn didn't yield the same result.  Sex with Ashlynn was a disconnecting and selfish act for Coby because he had no idea what his own sexuality was about, let alone what sex with his partner was.  This episode will talk about sex then vs sex now.   DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Click here: beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Knowing which recovery efforts are counterfeits and which are not isn't as straight forward as one would think.  Coby, Ashlynn, and Brannon share their experience with this principle.   DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Not knowing if you are screwing up your kids is something that freaks out Coby, Ashlynn and Brannon.  This episode brings light to a key concept to help parents do better simply by knowing better.   DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Cameron Browne is a licensed therapist who specializes in addiction and betrayal trauma and he also uses trauma therapy, EMDR and ART, to help patients heal from their wounds.  Coby and Ashlynn share their experience with using ART, accelerated resolution therapy, to move through their wounds that have caused them to stay stuck in behaviors they don't want.   Brannon has also done EMDR, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, for years and also shares his thoughts on the the subject.   Cameron Browne is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor with 9 years of experience practicing therapy.  He has a passion for helping people recover from trauma and believes that unresolved trauma is at the root of many mental health issues.  This passion for treating trauma has led him to become trained in several trauma-focused therapies.  He is trained in Neurofeedback, EMDR, and has advanced training in Accelerated Resolution Therapy. Cameron currently has a private practice in Lindon, Ut. In his free time, he enjoys sports, movies, music, and outdoor activities including hiking, boating, golfing, and fishing. He enjoys spending time with his wife of 12 years and his three kids.  He can be reached at: utahtraumacare.com   DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Brannon, Ashlynn and Coby share insights and their own experience with balancing a healthy relationship when things did not start out that way.  Coby shares his perspective on the relationship he had with his own Mother and what impact it had on his marriage.   DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Jessica joins Ashlynn, Coby and Brannon to share her experience of hope and healing.   DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Brannon, Ashlynn and Coby all share thier take on how essential it is to keep reality front of mind when considering where our partner is in their recovery.  This episode discusses one key piece that could get in the way of reality.   DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Brannon, Ashlynn and Coby discuss the concept of the one who betrayed in the relationship having a voice.  This is a complicated but very important part of any relationship.  DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Tony Overbay is an expert in Narcissism Personality Disorder and he joins Brannon, Ashlynn and Coby to talk the ins and outs of narcissism how how it comes to be.  To find more about Tony Overbay go to his website at tonyoverbay.com.    DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby  

Murray Hidary is a music composer and shares how music, along with other therapy efforts, helped him heal from the biggest and most challenging trauma and trial of his life.  He discusses what his role was in his own efforts as a composer to heal as well as thousands and thousands of others on his website mindtravel.com Murray Hidary is a meditation teacher, composer and pianist.  He studied Music and Composition at NYU & sees music as a bridge connecting that which is hidden with that which is manifest. Hidary is well known for his SilentHikes where Participants wear headphones while they experience an environment such as a garden or a beach, guided by verbal and musical cues from him.   Don't Know Where to Start?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

While Brannon is on vacation, Ashlynn and Coby address what they have learned about going on holiday while still dealing with heavy issues and still being in the throws of recovery.  They will address the following topics: - healthy compartmentalism - planning for triggers - planning around "seasons" - planning enough "recharge time"   Don't Know Where to Start?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Brannon, Ashlynn and Coby discuss the very tricky topic of disclosure and how it can be messed up when denial is present.   Don't Know Where to Start?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Dr. Robert Navarra is the guest on this episode and discusses the balanced way a couple can simultaneously work recovery while focusing on alternatives to codependency. Dr. Navarra is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Gottman Therapist and Master Trainer, and holds National Certification as a Master Addiction Counselor. He is a popular presenter at national conferences, podcasts, and webinars. He has trained counselors and therapists nationally and internationally. Dr. Navarra has co-authored several book chapters with Drs. John and Julie Gottman and co-authored articles on Gottman Therapy for the Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy with Dr. John Gottman. Additionally, Dr. Navarra contributed an article on couple recovery from addiction for the Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy. Based on his research at Mental Research Institute in Palo Alto California, Dr. Navarra created Roadmap for the Journey: A Path for Couple Recovery, a two-day workshop for couples in recovery from an addictive disorder. Roadmap for the Journey has been a featured workshop at Hazelden Betty Ford and has been given at treatment programs as well as in small, semi-private workshop settings. Dr. Navarra and Dr. John Gottman are currently researching the impact of Roadmap for the Journey in helping couples integrate recovery in their relationship, a missing element in most treatment programs. In collaboration with The Gottman Institute, Dr. Navarra has created a one-training workshop for counselors and therapists, called Couples and Addiction Recovery. Dr. Navarra maintains a private practice in San Carlos, CA, specializing in providing marathon therapy for couples in distress, and for couples in addiction recovery. He can be found at https://drrobertnavarra.com Don't Know Where to Start?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Coby shares his personal experience with letting go of his addiction and what that looked like but he also shares why he held onto it for so many decades without consciously knowing it.  Brannon and Ashlynn also share their observations and experience on this difficult and perplexing concept.   Don't Know Where to Start?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 BEYOND BETRAYAL, the latest program from Ashlynn and Brannon so you can get it when it reopens!  Click here https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram: http://Instagram.com/_beyondenough https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby  

With the launch of their new program called BEYOND BETRAYAL, Ashlynn and Brannon share what they have both observed and what Ashlynn has experienced first hand.  Listen as they describe what healing really feels like.   Beyond Betrayal is the newest program from BAE and in this episode, Brannon and Ashlynn outline the content.  During the launch week, starting 15 Sept 2020 and extending through Sunday 27 Sept 2020, the program will be discounted by 40% so take advantage of this unique and comprehensive content that was masterfully put together by Brannon and Ashlynn both.   Click here to get more info on Beyond Betrayal: https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal   Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

We are glad you found our season 3 episodes where we share some of our most advanced learnings and bring amazing experts on when it comes to relationships, and the challenges of healing both sides of the relationship after sex addiction and infidelity. Our journey has taken us a long ways from the time we recorded these episodes, but many have still found help and hope for healing in the information. We hope you always seek healing first for yourself, and where possible for the relationship, though staying together or choosing divorce or separation can occur at the point of betrayal and at times even after healing from betrayal and addictions. If you would like support in healing from betrayal we'd invite you to look at our program https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal It is not a program about staying together or leaving your partner, but rather finding the healing we need as an individual who has been made aware of our partner cheating. If you would like support from a licensed therapist contact Brannon's office at www.utahtherapy.org To find out about Ashlynn's groups https://www.thisisashlynn.com/mentoring To get support from Coby check out www.growwithcoby.com Thanks for your continued support for the podcast throughout all of our journey. Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

This episode is focused on the topic of what to do when you find out your partner is cheating.  Brannon and Ashlynn drill down on this situation and Ashlynn shares what she did in each case when her partner Coby cheated.  Brannon also gives key insights into this situation from the perspective of the professional who has treated people for this exact situation.     Beyond Betrayal is the newest program from BAE and in this episode, Brannon and Ashlynn outline the content.  During the launch week, starting 15 Sept 2020, the program will be discounted by 40% so take advantage of this unique and comprehensive content that was masterfully put together by Brannon and Ashlynn both.   Click here to get more info on Beyond Betrayal: https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal   Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Beyond Betrayal is the newest program from BAE and in this episode, Brannon and Ashlynn outline the content.  During the launch week, starting 15 Sept 2020, the program will be discounted by 40% so take advantage of this unique and comprehensive content that was masterfully put together by Brannon and Ashlynn both.   Click here to get more info on Beyond Betrayal: https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal   Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Brannon, Coby and Ashlynn share their insights on 5 ways to work through betrayal triggers and discuss the launch of a new program for the betrayed called "Beyond Betrayal". Find out about the new program Beyond Betrayal by going to https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal   Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Trusting one's self following betrayal can be so challenging.  Knowing what is real and what is not, is a struggle.  Listen as Brannon and Ashlynn share insights on what this path may look like.     Don't Know Where to Start?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Is there a timeline I can follow on healing from betrayal?  When will it stop hurting?  How long till life is back to normal?  Will it ever be normal?  These questions are discussed in today's episode.    Don't Know Where to Start?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/recovery_co...https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat...https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Today, we have Kim Christensen (@talkwordytome) to the show! She is a writer, reader, mother, blogger, entrepreneur and creator of Loom Journals now Promptly. She’s been a journalist, radio talk show host and magazine editor & is working on her 2nd novel. Get 15% off with discount code "Beyond Enough" on www.promptlyjournals.com   Don't Know Where to Start?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co...https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Brannon is joined by Amy Andrus and three of her kids so they can share their perspective while going through their parents divorce. Amy Andrus, Coby and Ashlynn's therapist, joins the podcast to share obstacles they faced and overcame in order to get into recovery.   Amy is a licensed marriage and family therapist since 2000 & CSAT since 2013.  She’s taught courses at BYU & counseled many students at the Women’s Services and Resources Center, where her eyes were opened to the world of sexual addiction and trauma.  Amy's life has been affected by sex addiction in a personal way. She knows the struggle, shame, and guilt the addict experiences. She has found it rewarding to facilitate individual change and work with the family system to ensure long-term growth and change.  Amy's a single mom of six. Her youngest daughter has Down Syndrome, and raising her has taught her countless life lessons. Find her on Instagram at  @askamyandrus   Don't Know Where to Start?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co...https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Brannon is joined by Amy Andrus and three of her kids so they can share their perspective while going through their parents divorce. Amy Andrus, Coby and Ashlynn's therapist, joins the podcast to share obstacles they faced and overcame in order to get into recovery. Amy is a licensed marriage and family therapist since 2000 & CSAT since 2013. She's taught courses at BYU & counseled many students at the Women's Services and Resources Center, where her eyes were opened to the world of sexual addiction and trauma. Amy's life has been affected by sex addiction in a personal way. She knows the struggle, shame, and guilt the addict experiences. She has found it rewarding to facilitate individual change and work with the family system to ensure long-term growth and change. Amy's a single mom of six. Her youngest daughter has Down Syndrome, and raising her has taught her countless life lessons. Find her on Instagram at @askamyandrus We are glad you found our season 3 episodes where we share some of our most advanced learnings and bring amazing experts on when it comes to relationships, and the challenges of healing both sides of the relationship after sex addiction and infidelity. Our journey has taken us a long ways from the time we recorded these episodes, but many have still found help and hope for healing in the information. We hope you always seek healing first for yourself, and where possible for the relationship, though staying together or choosing divorce or separation can occur at the point of betrayal and at times even after healing from betrayal and addictions. If you would like support in healing from betrayal we'd invite you to look at our program https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal It is not a program about staying together or leaving your partner, but rather finding the healing we need as an individual who has been made aware of our partner cheating. If you would like support from a licensed therapist contact Brannon's office at www.utahtherapy.org To find out about Ashlynn's groups https://www.thisisashlynn.com/mentoring To get support from Coby check out www.growwithcoby.com Thanks for your continued support for the podcast throughout all of our journey. Don't Know Where to Start? Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co...https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Ashlynn, and Coby to share her work on how to discuss healthy sexuality with kids. Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach as well as a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois. She has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. In addition to her dissertation research on LDS women's sexuality and relationship to desire, she has taught college-level human sexuality courses. Her teaching and coaching focus on helping LDS individuals and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.  She offers online relationships and sexuality courses as well as live workshops and retreats for LDS couples and individuals. She can be found at finlayson-fife.com   Don't Know Where to Start?  Go to beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

In Part 2 of this series on How Sex Addiction and Betrayal Trauma Effect Kids, Dina joins Ashlynn, Coby and Brannon to discuss the topic of empowering and educating kids on porn.   Dina Alexander is the founder and CEO of Educate and Empower Kids. She is the creator of How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography and the "30 Days of Sex Talks" and "30 Days to a Stronger Child" programs.  You can find her at https://educateempowerkids.org.    Don't know where to start? Click here? beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

In part 1 of 4 Stefanie Carnes join's BAE to discuss kids and talking sexuality.  Often there are many considerations for a topic like this one and Stefanie shares her perspective on the matter. Stefanie can be reached at https://stefaniecarnes.com Don't know where to start? Click here...www.beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Brannon, Ashlynn and Coby are joined by Kristin Hodson who is a sex therapist and they discuss how to establish sex in a relationship after a breach of trust.   Kristin Hodson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She has a unique ability to break down the topics of sexuality into easily digestible pieces empowering people to further develop their sexual identity. https://www.kristinbhodson.com IG: @kristinbhodson The Betrayed, The Addicted, and the Expert is a podcast production of Beyond Enough. This all started out as an opportunity to open up the discussion of how to move forward after infidelity, or an affair. We discuss the heavy stuff and share Coby and Ashlynn's real-life experience of recovery after sex addiction and betrayal trauma. All this is done alongside an expert in sex addiction Brannon Patrick. Whether you are struggling with the super heavy stuff of broken trust in your relationship, or if you just want to improve your communication and create better connection, this podcast will give you so much of what you are looking for. Don't know where to start?  Start here: www.beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby  

Brannon, Coby and Ashlynn discuss the behavior exhibited by one who cheats but are those the same behaviors of an addict?   The Betrayed, The Addicted, and the Expert is a podcast production of Beyond Enough. This all started out as an opportunity to open up the discussion of how to move forward after infidelity, or an affair. We discuss the heavy stuff and share Coby and Ashlynn's real-life experience of recovery after sex addiction and betrayal trauma. All this is done alongside an expert in sex addiction Brannon Patrick. Whether you are struggling with the super heavy stuff of broken trust in your relationship, or if you just want to improve your communication and create better connection, this podcast will give you so much of what you are looking for. Don't know where to start?  Click here www.beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

April Davis joins Brannon, Ashlynn, and Coby to discuss a particular piece of education on women that had Coby speechless and if you know Coby, it is rare he is so.   A compelling speaker, creative consultant, visual artist, and wordsmith, April Davis has been featured in magazines, on podcasts, and on stage, sharing her wisdom, humor, and knowledge as the creator of The Vagina Blog and The Vagina Blog Podcast. Her passion and drive have created an entire community around female body health, as she empowers women and vagina owners to love themselves fully while focusing on bringing light to taboo topics that we just don't talk enough about, like sex and periods, along with self-love and positivity.   Find April here   The Betrayed, The Addicted, and the Expert is a podcast production of Beyond Enough. This all started out as an opportunity to open up the discussion of how to move forward after infidelity, or an affair. We discuss the heavy stuff and share Coby and Ashlynn's real-life experience of recovery after sex addiction and betrayal trauma. All this is done alongside an expert in sex addiction Brannon Patrick. Whether you are struggling with the super heavy stuff of broken trust in your relationship, or if you just want to improve your communication and create better connection, this podcast will give you so much of what you are looking for. Don't know where to start?  Start here: https://www.beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Alison Faulkner joins Ashlynn and Coby on this episode to share her personal experience of being compelled to change and what the outcome was.  Her story parallels the lives of so many who deal with addiction and betrayal in that a life-changing can compel a person to slow down but what can that mean and what are the potential takeaways from such hardship.   Alison Faulkner of The Alison Show has made a career doing whatever she feels like doing. But it always involves finding ways to feel awesome and help others feel awesome too. Alison is a branding and events expert with a highly engaged online community. She hosts an iTunes top 100 podcast with her music producer hubby called Awesome with Alison. And founded Alison's Brand School which has helped thousands through workshops and online courses that empower entrepreneurs with heart to build a brand that can support their dreams. She collaborates and consults with Fortune 500 companies and believes in love, dancing inappropriately, and putting your own name in lights. Hear Alison on her podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/…/awesome-with-alis…/id1191721368 See Alison on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thealisonshow   The Betrayed, The Addicted, and the Expert is a podcast that started out as an opportunity to open up the discussion of how to move forward after infidelity, or an affair. We discuss the heavy stuff and share Coby and Ashlynn's real-life experience of recovery after sex addiction and betrayal trauma. All this is done alongside an expert in sex addiction Brannon Patrick. Whether you are struggling with the super heavy stuff of broken trust in your relationship, or if you just want to improve your communication and create better connection, this podcast will give you so much of what you are looking for. Get Started ... https://www.beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... https://www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

How does a man lose his heart?  How does he lose his identity and his way?  How can that be related to sex addiction?  This is the topic of today's episode.   Find John Eldredge at https://wildatheart.org The Betrayed, The Addicted, and the Expert is a podcast that started out as an opportunity to open up the discussion of how to move forward after infidelity, or an affair. We discuss the heavy stuff and share Coby and Ashlynn's real-life experience of recovery after sex addiction and betrayal trauma. All this is done alongside an expert in sex addiction Brannon Patrick. Whether you are struggling with the super heavy stuff of broken trust in your relationship, or if you just want to improve your communication and create better connection, this podcast will give you so much of what you are looking for. Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Dr. Rob Weiss joins Brannon, Coby and Ashlynn as they tackle the issue of co-occurring addictions and what that looks like.   Robert Weiss Ph.D., LCSW is Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, He is the author of ten books on sexuality, technology, and intimate relationships, including Sex Addiction 101, Out of the Doghouse, and Prodependence. His Sex, Love, and Addiction Podcast is currently in the Top 10 of US Addiction-Health Podcasts. Dr. Rob hosts a no-cost weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A on Seeking Integrity’s self-help website, SexandRelationshipHealing.com (@SexandHealing). The Sex and Relationship Healing website provides free information for addicts, partners of addicts, and therapists dealing with sex addiction, porn addiction, and substance abuse issues. Dr. Rob can be contacted via Seeking Integrity.com and SexandRelationshipHealing.com. All his writing is available on Amazon, while he can also be found on Twitter (@RobWeissMSW), on LinkedIn (Robert Weiss LCSW), and on Facebook (Rob Weiss MSW). Get Started ... https://www.beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

In this episode, Ashlynn and Coby are joined by Shana James to discuss the value of knowing the right kind of questions that lead to connection.  They also discuss questions and statements that can lead to understanding, empathy, and bonding.   For 15 years, Shana James has coached more than thousand men and women — leaders, CEOs, authors, speakers, and those with big visions -- to find love, rekindle the spark, create a legacy, become effective and impactful leaders and be personally inspired and fulfilled. Find out more at https://shanajamescoaching.com/tedx and on her Man Alive podcast. The Betrayed, The Addicted, and the Expert is a podcast that started out as an opportunity to open up the discussion of how to move forward after infidelity, or an affair. We discuss the heavy stuff and share Coby and Ashlynn's real-life experience of recovery after sex addiction and betrayal trauma. All this is done alongside an expert in sex addiction Brannon Patrick. Whether you are struggling with the super heavy stuff of broken trust in your relationship, or if you just want to improve your communication and create better connection, this podcast will give you so much of what you are looking for. Get info on The Relationship Rescue Challenge here: www.beyond-enough.com/relationship  Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

What impact do the right details have on a relationship?  What is the impact when the wrong details are shared?  How does one know which to share and which not to?  How does one know what is ok to ask for and what is not?  Listen as Brannon, Ashlynn and Coby address this emotionally charged topic.   LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR BUT DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START?  Get Started here... https://www.beyond-enough.com/step1 The Betrayed, The Addicted, and the Expert is a podcast that started out as an opportunity to open up the discussion of how to move forward after infidelity, or an affair. We discuss the heavy stuff and share Coby and Ashlynn's real-life experience of recovery after sex addiction and betrayal trauma. All this is done alongside an expert in sex addiction Brannon Patrick. Whether you are struggling with the super heavy stuff of broken trust in your relationship, or if you just want to improve your communication and create better connection, this podcast will give you so much of what you are looking for. Get Started ... https://www.beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... https://www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Ashlynn, Coby, and Brannon address the issue of having needs met.  It is not easy to ask a partner for the things that are needed when addiction and betrayal exist.  So how is it done?   Get Started ... https://www.beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... https://www.shatteredtothriving.com  And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

How do we know if it is addict behavior or just our partner being annoying?  What do we do about it?  How do we find out?  These are the questions addressed in this episode.     The Betrayed, The Addicted, and the Expert is a podcast that started out as an opportunity to open up the discussion of how to move forward after infidelity, or an affair. We discuss the heavy stuff and share Coby and Ashlynn's real-life experience of recovery after sex addiction and betrayal trauma. All this is done alongside an expert in sex addiction Brannon Patrick. Whether you are struggling with the super heavy stuff of broken trust in your relationship, or if you just want to improve your communication and create better connection, this podcast will give you so much of what you are looking for. Get Started ... https://www.beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... https://www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...   Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

What is the missing link for men?  Why is this one thing so challenging to grasp?  How can they understand and own this one concept and still be an empathetic partner?  Shana James shares the huge impact and role of masculinity and authenticity can play in any relationship. For 15 years, Shana James has coached more than a thousand men and women — leaders, CEOs, authors, speakers, and those with big visions -- to find love, rekindle the spark, create a legacy, become effective and impactful leaders and be personally inspired and fulfilled. With a Masters in psychology, DISC certification, more than a decade facilitating workshops, starting multiple businesses, and helping hundreds of entrepreneurs start their own, as well as mindfulness, meditation, and communication training. Shana’s range of skills supports all areas of life. Find out more at www.shanajamescoaching.com   Don't know where to start on your journey?  Get this free resources from Ashlynn, Coby and Brannon.  Click the link below next to "Get Started". Get Started ... https://www.beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... https://www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Brannon, Ashlynn and Coby all discuss the ways recovery can take place when the world is in some variation of quarantine.   Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Bea Hess is a woman who went through a divorce after betrayal and joins Ashlynn, Coby and Brannon to discuss her journey and share takeaways.     Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com Subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

The Betrayed, The Addicted, and the Expert is a podcast that started out as an opportunity to open up the discussion of how to move forward after infidelity, or an affair. We discuss the heavy stuff and share Coby and Ashlynn's real-life experience of recovery after sex addiction and betrayal trauma. All this is done alongside an expert in sex addiction Brannon Patrick. Thomas McConkie is the founder of Lower Lights School of Wisdom and has a passion for the world's Wisdom traditions. Raised LDS, at 18 years old he discovered Buddhism, which remains a wellspring of inspiration over 20 years later. Influenced profoundly in his twenties by world travel and the study of adult development, over time he began to ask the question of what spiritual flourishing will look like in the 21st century. He is trained as a developmental researcher, facilitator, and mindfulness teacher. He hosts the Lower Light Sangha with the intention of providing a supportive environment where seekers of any kind can discover new depths and heights in their evolving faith journey. Website: Lower Lights Wisdom Podcast: Mindfulness+ with Thomas McConkie   Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com Subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

The Betrayed, The Addicted, and the Expert is a podcast that started out as an opportunity to open up the discussion of how to move forward after infidelity, or an affair. We discuss the heavy stuff and share Coby and Ashlynn's real life experience of recovery after sex addiction and betrayal trauma. All this is done along side an expert in sex addiction Brannon Patrick. Whether you are struggling with the super heavy stuff of broken trust in your relationship, or if you just want to improve your communication and create better connection, this podcast will give you so much of what you are looking for. Dr. Navarra is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Gottman Therapist and Master Trainer, and holds National Certification as a Master Addiction Counselor. He is a popular presenter at national conferences, podcasts, and webinars. He has trained counselors and therapists nationally and internationally. Dr. Navarra has co-authored several book chapters with Drs. John and Julie Gottman and co-authored articles on Gottman Therapy for the Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy with Dr. John Gottman. Additionally, Dr. Navarra contributed an article on couple recovery from addiction for the Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy. Based on his research at Mental Research Institute in Palo Alto California, Dr. Navarra created Roadmap for the Journey: A Path for Couple Recovery, a two-day workshop for couples in recovery from an addictive disorder. Roadmap for the Journey has been a featured workshop at Hazelden Betty Ford and has been given at treatment programs as well as in small, semi-private workshop settings. Dr. Navarra and Dr. John Gottman are currently researching the impact of Roadmap for the Journey in helping couples integrate recovery in their relationship, a missing element in most treatment programs. In collaboration with The Gottman Institute, Dr. Navarra has created a one-training workshop for counselors and therapists, called Couples and Addiction Recovery. Dr. Navarra maintains a private practice in San Carlos, CA, specializing in providing marathon therapy for couples in distress, and for couples in addiction recovery. He also teaches graduate classes on addictive disorders at Santa Clara University. https://drrobertnavarra.com/ https://couplerecovery.org/ https://gottman.com https://goo.gl/mpjm9A https://www.gottman.com/about/researc... Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

How do you prevent fear from getting in the way of your connection? Sometimes your fears are obvious - other times they’re more subtle - but no matter what they can potentially drive a wedge between you and your partner. In the fourth episode of our “Core Relationship Principles” series, Chloe Urban and I show you exactly how to choose intimacy over fear, how to deal with the natural fears that arise, and how to identify your patterns so you can be aware enough to determine whether you’re choosing intimacy or fear in your relationship. After listening to this episode, you’ll have some solid strategies for moving past fear and embracing intimacy in your relationship even when it’s scary. And you’ll also get to hear us navigate a triggered moment during the episode itself! Can you find where it is? If you haven’t listened to the first 3 episodes in our “Core Relationship Principles” series you can do that here: Episode 126: Core Relationship Principles #1: Mutual Support without Codependence – with Chloe Urban and Neil Sattin Episode 132: Core Relationship Principles #2 – Finding Play, Humor, Fun, and Lightness – with Chloe Urban and Neil Sattin Episode 145: Core Relationship Principles #3 – Fostering Curiosity and Dismantling Limiting Stories – with Chloe Urban and Neil Sattin As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Sponsors: Along with our amazing listener supporters (you know who you are – thank you!), this week’s episode is being sponsored by two amazing companies with special offers for you. Babbel.com is the world’s best-selling language learning app makes it easy for you to learn French, Spanish, Italian, Russian, Danish – and many more languages. Is there a language you’ve always wanted to learn? Try Babbel for FREE at Babbel.com and use the offer code “ALIVE” to get 50% off your first 3 months. This week’s second sponsor is James Avery Artisan Jewelry. Gifts from James Avery help tell your story – one that you and your loved one will remember for years to come. James Avery also sources their gemstones responsibly – something that’s especially important to Chloe and me as we make choices about jewelry. You can find James Avery Artisan Jewelry in their shops, in many Dillard’s stores and online at JamesAvery.com.   Resources: I want to know you better! Take the quick, anonymous, Relationship Alive survey FREE Guide to Neil’s Top 3 Relationship Communication Secrets Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner’s Needs) in Relationship (ALSO FREE) Support the podcast (or text “SUPPORT” to 33444) Amazing intro and outro music provided courtesy of The Railsplitters Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome... Chloe Urban: To another episode of Relationship Alive. Neil Sattin: We are your hosts... Chloe Urban: Chloe... Neil Sattin: And Neil. [chuckle] And I'm being joined today by my lovely wife Chloe Urban, whom you've heard me talk about quite a bit, and we are here to continue our series on core relationship principles. And basically, what we're using is the vows that we made to each other when we got married as a framework for the core principles that are important when you are in a relationship with someone. And we were very intentional about the vows that we made to each other, and they were based on our work with each other and the course that we created, Thriving Intimacy, as we were really trying to get at the heart of how to help couples succeed. And of course, we want you to succeed, we also want ourselves to succeed as well. If you're interested in listening to the first three episodes in the series, they are episodes number 126, 132, and 145. So that's where you will find the first three principles, and we are here in episode number 169. Chloe Urban: Wow. That's a lot of episodes. Neil Sattin: It is a lot. Chloe Urban: Very exciting. Neil Sattin: Yeah, as I was typing that number, I was thinking, "Holy mackerel, [chuckle] that's a lot of episodes." [chuckle] Chloe Urban: So that brings us to our fourth principle... Neil Sattin: Yes. Chloe Urban: Which is also our fourth vow that we made to each other on that glorious, beautiful wedding day that we had. And the vow/principle is that we vow to choose intimacy over fear. So Neil, what does that mean to you to choose intimacy over fear? I have a lot to say about it, but I'm curious. Neil Sattin: I'm sure you do have a lot of say about that. Chloe Urban: [chuckle] What comes up for you? Neil Sattin: Well, when I was thinking about this vow in preparation for our conversation today, the first thing that jumped out at me was how easy it usually is to find yourself in a relationship with someone. Chloe Urban: [chuckle] That is very true. Neil Sattin: Now that doesn't always mean that it's easy to find someone to be in a relationship with, but once you find someone in that whatever that special sauce, that little magical click happens, [chuckle] and you're in the circuit with each other, then you're in it. That's, I think, one of the things that characterizes, most of the time, not all the time, but most of the time, the very beginning of a relationship, is that it just unfolds naturally. The process, though, of deepening your relationship and staying together and staying connected over time where you don't get stuck, where you don't get stuck in staleness or in problems, where you're able to go deeper and deeper and transform, that is what, to me, is intimacy. Intimacy is a process, an ever-deepening process, of knowing each other more deeply, knowing each other's truth more deeply, and that deepening intimacy is what allows us to also deepen our trust in each other, to uncover the things that are obstacles to a deeper connection with each other, and to get through those obstacles and experience greater joy and connection. And I think we've experienced that a bunch, right, where things have been going great and then they start to not go great [chuckle] or get tense or contracted. Chloe Urban: We never have that. [chuckle] We... I don't know what you're talking about. Neil Sattin: Well, I do appreciate the universe that you're living in right now. [chuckle] But of course we want to give everyone the sense that this... That there's reality on this. Chloe Urban: I'm completely joking, by the way. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: Right, there's reality here, which is things can be awesome and then things can kinda suck at times. Chloe Urban: Yeah. Neil Sattin: And so, what we've learned is not to take the suckiness as a sign that everything is horrible and that we're doomed, but as a sign that it's time to move through something or to take something on that helps us get even more connected to each other, to build the intimacy. So I know I'm talking about intimacy as a noun like it's a thing, and like it's a process, a verb, and hopefully, I'm not confusing you, hopefully, you're getting a sense that it is kind of a multi-dimensional word that's really important to succeeding in a relationship. Neil Sattin: And then when it comes to this vow of choosing intimacy over fear. The truth is that I think most of the time when we get stuck in a relationship. It's typically because there's something about our fear or our partner's fear that's getting in the way of being in the moment with each other. There's a risk involved, there's a risk that's required to be taken when you find yourself in a place where you're stuck because the stuck-ness usually happens because you're repeating something over and over again. And so in order to stop repeating it, you have to be willing to do something different. And even that doing something different in any of us can cause fear. Because we're breaking from the norm. And you don't... When you do something different, you don't necessarily know what's going to happen. Neil Sattin: And I think that's the biggest irony is that a lot of people choose what they know. They'd rather choose to do the same thing over and over again or to just try harder at the same thing, but knowing that the results are somewhat predictable. You have to take a risk if you want a different result. And I'm talking about stuck places, but this is I think also true, where you want to really thrive, where you're not even necessarily stuck, but to accelerate or to amplify a joyous moment that also sometimes require risk, requires facing fear. And so for me personally. And Chloe, I hope you're... You got something really profound to say after this... Chloe Urban: Oh I'm ready. Neil Sattin: [chuckle] Okay, good, but for me personally, this vow and this principle of choosing intimacy over fear is all about a commitment that I have to recognize when my fear is standing in the way of deepening our connection. Whether it's my fear of being vulnerable, my fear of being in my truth my fear of hearing your truth. My fear of being in the soup together and not necessarily knowing what's going to happen and being willing to be in that unpredictable space to say, "You know what, even though I feel that fear I'm going to move through it because the intimacy that we get to create on the other side of it is worth facing the fear, it requires courage. Chloe Urban: It does require a courage. Lots of it actually. And I really love what you were saying and it's so interesting because there are so many different places to take this. I think For both of us, we value so much intimacy and even though that can be really terrifying as you were just speaking about. To me, intimacy is something that's really required to actually have a deeply fulfilling and thriving relationship, and I think actually a lot of people don't have deep intimacy in their relationships, even if they've been together 30 years who... Who really takes the time and who has the courage to fully share all of their... Their truths, even if they're terrifying to share. Chloe Urban: I think that's one of the pieces here around really being willing to be seen. To share, to see the other person you might be terrified to share because you're actually terrified of what might come back at you, you know, you were saying that the fear of sharing yourself, but also the fear of what might actually come out of the other person's mouth, and that you might actually have to be in a dance of like, Whoa, their truth right now is actually really uncomfortable for me and then how to work through it. Chloe Urban: To me, this vow is just absolutely paramount and so important it, as you were saying, requires really stepping into being vulnerable and it requires us to kind of work with our brains a little bit and to be willing... Like fear it's... Fear really comes from that primal space of protection of working with our... Basically our survival brain. And what that brings up for us and it's so interesting and can be so distorted in a lot of ways, we have these fears around giving and receiving love or around being seen, or seeing others clearly or being abandoned or even being safe with a person. Chloe Urban: You know what, maybe for me safety has always been a big piece in my life because of my past, and actually places where I actually wasn't safe in relationship or in sexual connections or to really even my parents were amazing and yet every parent [chuckle] has their moments of not being amazing and even if it's just like I gotta go to work and I can't be with you right now. There's a way in which we can internalize and then that trauma shows up in all these different ways. And so for me, this piece here of choosing intimacy over fear, it's really like, How do we overcome our traumas, overcome our survival brain, around, Is it actually safe for me to be me. Chloe Urban: Is that actually safe in this moment for me to share my deepest heartache? Or my deepest desires? And will they be received? And if they're not, how are we going to work through it and do I have trust and faith that this relationship can hold that and that in the soup pot of intimacy which almost [chuckle] feels like a soup pot, it's like it. It's all of it. The soup pot of vulnerability, the soup pot of like, what it is that I desire, and what it is that you desire. And where they work together and where they actually don't, and then how do we come together and allowing the other to fully see and be in that conversation. That's where it gets juicy and that's where we get to decide together what are we going to do, what are we going to do if we don't match up in this total moment? When I'm sharing my deepest desires or my deepest fears and we're not exactly on the same page, and it... To me, the keystone here is the courage that you were speaking about, what is it to be that courageous. To show up that fully together. To really want to be seen, held, loved, all of it, and then to really want to show up for that in your partner. Neil Sattin: Right, right, and I really want us to give a practice for you listening. So that you can start to tune in to those places where maybe fear is holding you back or getting in the way. And recognize them so that you can make the conscious choice because so much of the vow that we made, and the principle that we're illustrating here is about taking something that you might just take for granted. Well, of course, I'm in a relationship, I'm choosing intimacy over fear, right. But when it really comes down to it is that true? Are you making that choice in your day-to-day life? Chloe Urban: Right or are you just sort of on auto-pilot? Neil Sattin: Right. Chloe Urban: And I think we go in and out of auto-pilot a lot. And there are moments where it's like, Whoa. Whoa, whoa, we've been on auto-pilot about this thing for months. How did that happen? Because we are...we want consciousness in this relationship and yet, you know. we get busy or these things happen or we actually didn't realize that that fear was running us in that moment. And so it's just, it's so important to continually keep looking. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Chloe Urban: One thing that really comes up around having a practice. For me is, what is it to notice your patterning when you begin to want to hide your vulnerability. Like if that makes sense, does that make sense? Neil Sattin: Not yet. [chuckle] You know on a deep level it makes sense though. Chloe Urban: So what are your patterns? What are your patterns? Where are your ways of hiding your vulnerability of hiding from the deeper grief or yearning or desire, or joy or whatever, it is, what is it that shows up in you? For instance, you know this well, this is mine. [chuckle] This is one of my big patterns is getting edgy kind of like agitated. I get like... All of a sudden I start feeling like my heart starts to race a little bit more, and I get a little sharp. I can kind of be... Neil Sattin: A little critical. [laughter] Chloe Urban: I can be critical, I can also... It might be self-critical or towards Neil or towards the situation. It can... It just... That's when I know if I were to actually stop and instead of acting on that edge and going there if I stop and I'm like wait a second. What's underneath this? What's actually going on here? And getting curious which of course is what we are always talking about the importance of curiosity, but like, "Oh I'm going to that habit, that pattern, that place where I'm actually hiding the deeper thing here. And sometimes what I've noticed is that when I go under, there's grief sure, there's yearning there's longing there's desire it might be that I'm absolutely terrified of sharing with Neil, what I actually want or I'm actually terrified because I don't know what I want and it's very vulnerable for me to admit that I'm actually scared to know what I want, and actually speak it fully. Chloe Urban: There are all... It's fascinating when you actually catch yourself in a pattern like that, and go under a little bit, a couple layers under and see. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, that is so not what I thought it was or that it so it has nothing to do with you right now. And actually, it has everything to do with my fear or trauma patterns, or habits or actually being really uncomfortable to speak my needs, because somehow I've made it that I'm not allowed to have needs or I'm not allowed to have wants and or desires or that they're not important. And then I'm going against myself. So there's all... There are many, many, many, many things it could be, but really what comes up is like, Okay, find... really start to look at yourself over this week. What is it that makes you go into the patterns? And Neil has something to say here. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I have something vulnerable to share. [chuckle] Chloe Urban: He has something vulnerable to share. Neil Sattin: This is vulnerable because you are so clearly on a roll here and I'm so hesitant to interrupt you and yet this is the time in the show when we need to mention our amazing sponsors. [laughter] Who are helping us produce Relationship Alive week after week, so that we can be here with you, week after week. And so, let's just take a moment to talk about our sponsors and then we will continue giving you the process for how to tune in to where you are maybe choosing fear instead of intimacy. Chloe Urban: And I'm going to breathe right now. [chuckle] Knowing that just because he interrupted me that it's okay and that this is not personal, and that what I have to say is of value. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: Okay, we'll be right back. [pause] Neil Sattin: Okay, thank you again to Babbel and James Avery for making this episode possible. And when we left off, Chloe was getting really passionate about this practice for first exploring what your patterns are, can you identify the ways that the things that you launch into? She was saying that for her it's getting kind of edgy maybe critical of herself or of others. For me. It's probably more akin to these are the times when I start to check out or want to just do something else or maybe I shut down, maybe I start to get kind of sleepy. These are some of the things that happen for me because I think when I start to get to my fear edge, I tend to dissociate, a little bit more rather than necessarily leaning in. Chloe Urban: Right. You almost have the more flight pattern whereas I have the fight pattern. Neil Sattin: Right. Chloe Urban: Which is just normal with the brain. Usually, you'd go to one or the other. Neil Sattin: Right? And it actually hasn't always been that way for us. I think earlier in our relationship you had more of the flight pattern. Chloe Urban: Yeah. Neil Sattin: And I was more of the fight pattern. Chloe Urban: Yeah. Neil Sattin: And when we're talking about fight or flight, and of course there's also freeze. We're talking about the ways that our biology is programmed to handle the experience of fear. Chloe Urban: Right. Neil Sattin: So, when Chloe was talking about your primal brain, the need to feel safe, the need to feel seen, the need to feel like you're not being abandoned the need to feel love, all of those things. If they get triggered because you're not feeling those things, then it's going to send you into a fear pattern. So, this identifying what is it that you do that you keep bumping your head up against that's a sign that in this stuck place, you're resorting to automatic behavior instead of being in choice, being in creativity and if you've been listening to the podcast a while you know that being in choice, and creativity that's the sign that you're in the frontal part of your brain and you can only be in the prefrontal cortex, if you are not in this triggered state. Neil Sattin: So, Chloe how do we...Once we identify... Oh yeah, this is the thing I do or this is the place where we're stuck this is the loop that we get in then how do you shift that so that you can actually... You have a way of getting unstuck, or even like when I'm imagining it, it's almost like you can see kind of a record in a groove, just for all of you. Hopefully, you know what records are, [chuckle] but it's just spinning and spinning, but it's not actually changing and you almost have to nudge it sometimes to get it to jump into a new track. So what are some ways to shift the pattern within? Chloe Urban: Yeah, so a couple of things I would say, the first thing is just stopping for a minute actually pausing. And then getting really curious and a question that I might ask myself would be something like, “If this feeling or this contraction isn't what I think it is, then what else could it be?” because then you're really setting the stage for you to get curious in yourself, of like, Whoa, for me if this edginess or anxious tension I'm feeling in my body wasn't what I thought it was. What else would it be? All of a sudden it opens up this whole other realm of possibility. For instance, it might be there's so many actually opportunities [chuckle] just in this last week to talk about, but they're... For instance, it might just be like, "Whoa I'm starting to get edgy or antsy or feeling really agitated what is going on here”. Chloe Urban: One instance, I'm thinking about was actually I just needed to cry and it actually had nothing to do with what Neil or the kids were saying or doing, and yet it was like, "Oh my gosh, I'm actually my... My friend might be sick, and I need to, I just need to cry for a minute.” Like there's a fear there that there's some grief there's something that has nothing to do with this particular situation, and yet, I'm trying to go on with my life and just pretend like nothing's really under there where there's grief or fear, but fear in a different way like fear that has nothing to do with this situation, and it's actually an unexpressed emotion under there for myself. Chloe Urban: Another situation might be that, oh whoa, I'm actually really just wanting to connect with you right now. I just want a hug. And instead of just knowing that I can ask for that and trusting myself to know that that's what I want, I'm going to agitation and what if I could just stop and be like, Hey babe I'm actually feeling a little vulnerable, right now and a little disconnected and could we... Could I have a hug or could you hold me? And just being willing to be in that vulnerability. There are so many, so many, so many things it could be, and yet if we're just going to our fight or flight pattern or freeze pattern and not getting underneath what's going on, the pattern won't change. And then you're really robbing yourself of intimacy. Neil Sattin: So often what we're responding to, isn't even what's really happening in the moment, it's our story about what's happening. [chuckle] And so, as I'm listening to you talk about some instances from the past week. Yeah, I'm thinking about how easy, especially as we start to veer into our... The fear part of our brain, it's really easy to start misinterpreting everything. That's going on and seeing it through the lens of our fear. So what you mentioned Chloe is a perfect example of feeling your agitation and being willing to ask like What else could this be getting at like. Oh, what I really want... What I really want right now is to connect. And then risking the vulnerability of asking for connection and hopefully your lucky husband [chuckle] is there to provide you with that connection. Chloe Urban: Right? And even there, if it's not the right time or he's actually not... He or she isn't feeling it, or they aren't feeling it. There's a place here, an opportunity of creating real safety with the intimate container there of like, you know, babe actually, I'm not available to fully show up in this hug right now or to hold you right now, but I can... I want to give that to you, but can we do it in 10 minutes? I just need to get in the right frame of mind or I actually need to write this email that's going to be totally taking me away from being present, so that you're honoring the request and you're being... And you're creating safety to receive a request or vice versa. So you're really creating a place where you're not just giving over if it really doesn't feel right to you, in that moment, but you're honoring and showing up for... I'm going to show up for that when I can here. And then you get to play in the soup pot of intimacy, and vulnerability and seeing how you can both work with what's happening there. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I like how that soup pot like we keep mentioning that. I think maybe we're just getting hungry because [chuckle] well, Thanksgiving is happening tomorrow here in the states, so we'll all be enjoying or many of us, hopefully, will be enjoying a nice meal. I was also thinking about a place where this can come up is if you are feeling a little disconnected sexually. Chloe Urban: Oh yeah. Neil Sattin: From your partner. And how risky it can feel to... In that situation to make a request, and a great way to handle being stuck in terms of your sexual intimacy is to just put a date on the calendar when you are going to be there with your partner. And of course, that is a huge risk because... It could be that with that date on the calendar like that's all you need, you both show up, you take your clothes off and you're good to go. [chuckle] I don't know that that's true for a lot of people. It's true, in the beginning, a lot of the time, but when you get 5, 10, 15, 20, 30, years into your relationship, you may need more than just showing up and being naked together. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: What you really probably need is to show up, be naked and be really present with each other and be willing to face the fear that if we put this date on the calendar, it may not mean that we are making love with each other, it may just mean that we show up with each other and that we're honoring each other. But being willing to step into that moment and make the commitment to that date happening, whatever actually unfolds is potentially a huge source of fear for you. What if I don't live up to my partner's expectations, I know that they really want to have sex and I'm not sure I will or vice versa? I know that I really want to. And what if they don't want to? And so wherever you or your partner fall in that spectrum, there's vulnerability that things might not work out either the way you want it or the way your partner wants it. Neil Sattin: Deep down though, if what you're choosing is intimacy, deep down, it's all about the deep connection. You can have a profoundly deep connection being in bed and grieving together, about how messed up your sex life has become, you know. [chuckle] Chloe Urban: Well, and actually, it brings up for me, not just the active scheduling or having sex or... but what if you're in the act of actually making love and something comes up and all of a sudden you're there and you're like, “Whoa, there's some fear here. I actually have a deep desire to ask for this thing and I'm terrified to ask” or I actually... “Whoa, some trauma circuit just got opened”. And the way you're touching me right now feels really not okay, and I need to be able to actually have the courage to say something about it and that takes deep, deep vulnerability. And it also is a risk in that it might "kill the mood" and then how to just be willing, both of you to be in the vulnerability of whoa here we are, we're in this moment. Chloe Urban: Wow, it's a little rocky. Oh, there's fear, there's grief, there's something here. Let's do whatever we can do to show up intimately, and be vulnerable here in this moment for each other, so that it doesn't necessarily have to derail the whole experience and yet like Whoa, I actually just needed to cry for a minute. Whoa like... And showing up in both honoring and calling each other forth to be in the intimacy instead of the fear. Neil Sattin: What I love about what you were just talking about, is that it shows that, very often sex and intimacy are aligned, those are some... Those can be some of our most deeply connected moments. And what you were just talking about shows that even in a moment of physical or sexual intimacy, it's possible that there's a deeper emotional intimacy that's possible, if you show up in the moment in a way that's not necessarily about the sex that's happening, it's about whatever has surfaced for you. Chloe Urban: Right, and it's not... Again, on auto-pilot, to me, auto-pilot really feel... Fears like a... Feel... [chuckle] I can't even say it, feels like a fear-based kind of situation, where you're just on auto-pilot, you're kind of auto-pilot sex. I think we all know it, it's just... Neil Sattin: What? [chuckle] Chloe Urban: You've never gone on auto-pilot having sex? Neil Sattin: Not with you. Chloe Urban: Really? I don't know about that. [chuckle] There are ways that you might not even notice that you're going on auto-pilot, for instance. You might be sitting there or being in the moment of sexually connecting and you realize, "Oh I always look away when I have an orgasm. Isn't that interesting? Why do I do that? Why in that moment can't I be present? And what is it that I'm hiding from there?” Maybe it's because it feels so vulnerable, to just give over and surrender. And even the act of doing that if you were to fully be present with your partner might lead to you crying or being in a state of, whoa this is so edgy to be willing to feel pleasure, that kind of surrendered pleasure. Having someone fully witness me and be there. Chloe Urban: And want to be there and actually want me to feel this or vice versa, or whatever it is, there's... There are just these layers and that those moments to me when we get there, together, it's like the most profound and connecting, it's like we can ride that wave for days. When... When we call each other forth and when we're willing to just go there and not be in auto-pilot mode. Neil Sattin: Yeah. So I think what it comes down to for me in terms of this exercise of examining where we get stuck, where we're on autopilot, where we're in the patterns and being willing to ask ourselves a question, like what else could this be, or what am I really longing for right Now? It all is hopefully allowing you to get a little perspective on your relationship and on your situation and to ask yourself. If I were going to... If I were going to lean in right now. What would that look like? And if I were going to lean in a way that was also, this is a phrase that I use a lot on the show. If I were going to lean in a way that was an invitation to my partner. So it may be that you have a deep desire, a deep longing but if you make it a demand, then [chuckle] typically our partners don't respond to that too Well, occasionally if the timing is just perfect. Chloe Urban: Would you just hug me already! [chuckle] Neil Sattin: Right, exactly, and... Here. There you go. Chloe Urban: Aww thanks, baby. Neil Sattin: You're welcome. So if you can ask yourself, "What would it look like to lean in right now? What would it look like if I weren't afraid in this moment?" It's a variation of the... If I knew, I couldn't fail, what would I do. Right now, what would I ask for? What kind of presence would I request from you? And what risks would I take? These are conversations that hopefully you're having together. So again, you're taking a risk, but not jeopardizing the safety of your relationship, you're always being mindful of how do I take this risk and at the same time in the larger picture, keep myself safe, keep my partner Safe. If I recognize that what I'm asking for is a really big ask from my partner, then how do I do it in such a way that I let them know that it's... That it might be a big deal, or that there may be some more conversation that we have to have in order for this to be possible so that you're always maintaining a sense of openness. Chloe Urban: Always because we... That's just not possible. But yes. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: Wow. That was hard, that was really hard to hear. [laughter] Chloe Urban: Did I just derail you? Neil Sattin: A little bit. Chloe Urban: See you get to see this moment right here. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Chloe Urban: I interrupted him and I'm really sorry and I got sarcastic. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Chloe Urban: And I guess where I was coming from is like... Neil Sattin: Tell me. Chloe Urban: I was just thinking, “Wow, this is really setting a stage for people to feel pretty shitty about themselves if they're failing and failing and failing at doing this.” Neil Sattin: Oh okay. Chloe Urban: And all I was saying was this really isn't something you're always going to be able to catch yourself on and be gentle with yourself about that too. Neil Sattin: Right? What I was about to... Chloe Urban: I'm sorry. Neil Sattin: Say was just that, that it is a dynamic if we're... I think, for instance, we make a vow in marriage, a commitment to choose intimacy over fear. That doesn't mean that we always do, but we hold the value strong so that we can recognize. Oh, that was a time when I didn't. Chloe Urban: Right exactly. Neil Sattin: And what do I do about that or... So what I'm saying in terms of always being open. Chloe Urban: Yes. Neil Sattin: Is not that you're a bad person if you're not being open. It's more like if you hold the value of openness, then you can recognize when you are contracting when you are closing and I think intimacy, the most intimate moments are our most open moments with our partners. Chloe Urban: For sure. Neil Sattin: So that's really what I'm talking about. Chloe Urban: Makes total sense. Neil Sattin: And I'm glad you were letting everyone off the hook because I was just getting a little righteous. In terms of... Chloe Urban: If we can always be open! I'm like well, okay, [chuckle] yes, and yes and yes, and yes, and... We're going to fail a million times. And Neil and I fail a million times a week at this and it's just about coming... I'm talking micro-moments of like, Whoa, that was where I just like could have gone... That could have gone a really different way if I had leaned in, or if I had been willing to let him see me or vice versa or all the different places. There are so many micro-moments in our lives. Neil Sattin: Yeah, so this is also really important. And then maybe this will be a good place to stop. Chloe Urban: We'll wrap up. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Which is that part of choosing intimacy over fear is the fear when you recognize that you've gone a little bit off the rails, you've gone maybe more toward the fear than the intimacy and being willing in your partnership to stop. And re-group, and regulate and then say, "Hey like, "Wait a minute, we're going way down the rabbit hole. Can we come back? Can we center ourselves?” Chloe Urban: Right. Neil Sattin: Can we figure out what's truly important right now? Chloe Urban: Right. Neil Sattin: That's also extremely vulnerable, risky and intimate. To be able to stop something that's [chuckle] spiraling off in the wrong direction. Chloe Urban: Even if it's like whoa can we take five minutes and breathe and just maybe we don't even need to have this conversation, is this actually really important for us to be talking about this or are we just going to derail totally? Neil Sattin: Right. Chloe Urban: One quick little thing, I want to say before we wrap up is, I'm also seeing this piece around helping your partner choose intimacy over fear. You may notice that for instance, I start getting agitated and Neil might be like, whoa I see that she's going into her patterning and she might not be able to catch herself right now, and actually inviting like, wow babe I'm actually seeing you go into that place. What do you need from me right now? Like what could I offer that could shift this, where could I actually support you so that we don't actually have to go into this patterning that we're doing? It could... If you have permission, that's obviously you want to really establish consent with that, of being open to saying, Oh wow, I'm noticing you're doing that. How can I show up for you right now? So we don't have to go into that old place. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah, because that, again, is a very vulnerable thing to do. So I do... I hope that you have the ability with your partner to invite that from each other because it's so powerful in the middle of a moment to feel that offering what can I... What can I do for you right now to help you be here with me? Chloe Urban: It's really an act of kindness and love. Chloe Urban: When you see your partner go into those old patterns. Know that it really is them hurting in some way, or that they're hiding something or they're feeling vulnerable and their fear is kicking in, to try and hide it. So to actually offer, What do you need. Isn't... Isn't about being self-serving, it's not about like, "Oh now I'm really uncomfortable.” Because, say, they're being critical, it's like, "Oh my goodness, they're being critical. That must mean that they're hurting or that there's something vulnerable underneath. And how can I extend a loving, compassionate, open-hearted message that I'm here for them and that they can actually share what's going on, and I can show up for that and that right there can dismantle a huge long extended fight or tension in the relationship just by dismantling the pattern as it begins instead of going down the road that you know we all know can lead to some really hard... Hard conversations. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: Right, right. I think what you're getting at is that in the end, when you meet a stuck place with love and compassion and generosity. Then that will disrupt the pattern because most of the time it's our... It's not our loving patterns that are causing the problem, it's not because we're loving too much, or being too compassionate, maybe with the exception of sometimes when we're just being extremely co-dependent. [chuckle] Chloe Urban: Right, right, right. Right. But then, that just automatically brings the intimacy back in. It's right there for you to dive into and actually connect on a deeper level and have more understanding of one another and show up. Neil Sattin: Right. My experience is that it brings the life back into a moment that was starting to become more and more closed. I'm getting back to that open versus [chuckle] closed thing, but... But that's what it feels like for me it's as the conversation starts to go off the rails my whole world starts to shrink really. And that's why it can sometimes feel like such a major effort to reorient in a moment like that. And it's that... In retrospect, it always feels almost kind of funny like, wow, that was just so challenging and hard to do everything that it took to reorient the train back to the pathway we wanted. Chloe Urban: Oh my Gosh. Sometimes it can... It's like... I actually feel like that is almost the hardest [chuckle] part of a relationship is steering the train back when every part of you just wants to just go down that really hard road and it's like Whoa, it's so humbling and so challenging to just... It's like Steer... Steer that train, that ship whatever you want to call it, back into a place of connection and love and it can just be so hard. Neil Sattin: Yeah. But... Chloe Urban: But so rewarding. Neil Sattin: It's not impossible... Right, it's not impossible. Chloe Urban: Not Impossible. Neil Sattin: And that's... It feels impossible in the moment until you just get over the... When you overcome the momentum of going in the wrong direction, then it can feel really easeful and light again. And that's that opening that I'm talking about is it's like, oh typically for us that's when one of us starts laughing or cracks a smile or whatever or where we actually do just touch each other, or hug or one of us cries, or whatever needs to happen in that moment to bring us back together into more of a harmonious place. Chloe Urban: Right. Yeah, we do our best at least. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: We do. We do. Just like we did today. [chuckle] I love you. Chloe Urban: I love you too. Neil Sattin: And I hold so much love for you listening here as well, thank you so much for sharing this time with us this week to go through relationship principle number four. Chloe Urban: Yay. Neil Sattin: And we've got, what, five, at least five more that we have to do. We have a mysterious 10th principle that we're still working on. [chuckle] Chloe Urban: It's coming. Neil Sattin: It's coming. Well, this came up for us because when... After we celebrated our first anniversary we decided that we wanted one more vow, and we just weren't completely sure what it is. So we're still working on it, but that will, in the end, I guess that means they'll be six more at least. Chloe Urban: Right. At least. Neil Sattin: But no rush. There's a lot to take in with each one of these and we look forward to being back here with you to discuss the next core relationship principle at some point in the future and in the meantime, as always feel free to reach out. You can find us in the Facebook group. Like I mentioned at the very beginning of this episode or you can always drop me a line. Neilius. N-E-I-L-I-U-S @neilsattin.com. We cannot respond to most of the emails that come in because we get a lot but we will read what you have to say and if you want to share some insights with us that would be great. And I think, I think that's it from me. How about you Chloe? Chloe Urban: I just so appreciate being on here and being able to share with you all and it just feels really good. Thank you for having me back on. Neil Sattin: It's always great to have you here.  

It’s an exciting week around here. For one thing, it’s my birthday week! I celebrated the day differently than I have in year’s past - taking a ton of down time, and enjoying some mellow moments with Chloe. Allowing myself the freedom to do NOTHING for a day. Of course, I didn’t do nothing, but what I did do felt sweet, special - and I appreciated all the little birthday greetings that came in from friends around the globe. Here’s another piece of exciting news. A little background on this: You may know that Chloe and I have a 7-week course, called Thriving Intimacy. It’s a comprehensive journey through all of the things that they should have told you about how to do relationships well in school, but didn’t. We’ve been fortunate enough through our work with clients and the conversations here on the podcast to put together this 7-week course that’s comprehensive and represents the state of the art on how to do relationships well. We’ve had great feedback on the course - and if you’re interested in that, you can text the word "INTIMACY" to 33444, or you can visit neilsattin.com/intimacy and find out more. But that’s not why I brought this up... After creating the Thriving Intimacy course, we started up a conversation with the site DailyOM. They were looking for a course on relationships that would have the potential to completely transform a relationship in 21 days, and asked us if we would be willing to put that together for them. So what we did is we looked at the framework that we put together for our 7-week Thriving Intimacy and thought - ok, if we were going to take someone on a 21-day journey that touched on all of these points in a way that made sense, what would it look like? How far could we go? And that’s how our new course 21 Days to Deeper Intimacy was born. Actually I’ll let you in on a little secret - it was originally going to be called "21 Days to a Deep Sense of Safety in Your Relationship". I guess they thought that was too long or something. So it’s called 21 Days to Deeper Intimacy. And it’s a course that you can take with your partner, or alone. Over the course of the 21 Days, you will Uncover the hidden obstacles to safety and connection in your relationship Awaken a deep sense of presence and attunement within yourself and with your partner Learn how to communicate with greater ease, so that you can feel fully seen and understood by your partner (and come to understand your partner better as well) Clear out old, unhealthy patterns and ways of operating in your relationship, for a deeper sense of what's truly possible for you in love Learn how to foster sexual and sensual energy throughout the day with your partner Create a rock solid container for your relationship allowing you to feel the freedom that's possible in commitment and more! And DailyOM released it yesterday, on my birthday! That wasn’t planned, by the way. The course is already in their top 10 - which is really exciting for us as it means that it will be seen by the thousands of people who visit their site. And of course we wanted to tell you about it as well. One of the interesting things is that you can actually choose what you want to pay for the course. So hopefully that makes it accessible for you. The way to find out more about the course is to either visit neilsattin.com/21days or you can text “21DAYS” to the number 33444 and I will send you a link so you can check out the course. So whether you want a 7-week journey, or a 21-day journey, or both - we designed the two courses so that they would complement each other - there are some great options for you to take what you’ve heard here on the podcast and get some guidance on how to apply it in your life. Next week, for Valentine’s Day, we’re going to release a fun episode with Cathy Salit on - well - basically how to foster fun in your relationship. See you then!

Neil Sattin is a relationship coach, and host of the award-winning podcast Relationship Alive. He has interviewed many of the top hearts and minds in the relationship world, and synthesizes their wisdom to help you have amazing relationships. He and his partner, Chloe Urban, combine coaching, psychology, and healing work to help you overcome obstacles to connection and deep intimacy in your relationship. Their forthcoming book helps couples who have been affected by sexual trauma deepen intimacy, and their course, Thriving Intimacy, is a 7-week course designed to teach you the relationship skills that you never learned in school. Join us for the important show on creating deep intimacy in relationships, no matter what.

One of the most important skills in relationship is knowing how to actually show up - to be present. And while presence is a skill you can learn, there’s something else that’s almost always required if you’re going to be present for any length of time. You have to have something to bring to the table, and the only way that’s going to happen is if you’re paying attention to your own needs. It’s called “Self Care” - and in this episode I talk about how to honor the parts of you that are calling out for time, space, and attention. When you can show up consistently for yourself, it will be much easier for you to show up for others. This episode also contains a quick guided meditation to help you get centered, and more in touch with what those deep parts of you need. Please make sure you don’t try to do that part while driving! Also, if you’re interested in finding out more about the 7-week online course that Chloe and I are running, called “Thriving Intimacy,” please visit http://www.neilsattin.com/course or text the word “INTIMACY” to the number 33444 and follow the instructions. This episode is for you. I hope you find it to be nourishing and helpful on your path to deeper connection with others, and deeper appreciation for yourself on your journey.

Every day, with your partner, you have the chance to make things amazing. Or...not. In this episode, we're going to cover a simple practice that allows you to set a positive, love-filled, growth-oriented tone for your days no matter what is going on in your life. And, if things are tough, I talk about how to handle that in a way that still keeps things positive - without sweeping important issues under the rug. Also, join my partner Chloe and me for our free online class - the 50-Minute Relationship Breakthrough. In less than an hour we will reveal a simple 3-step strategy that leads to deeper intimacy, less conflict, and shows you exactly where your relationship needs help (and where it's smooth sailing). Plus we'll be there live to answer your questions. You can sign up at http://www.neilsattin.com/webinar - or you can text the word "INTIMACY" to the number 33444, follow the instructions, and I'll send you a link so that you can register. Please sign up even if you can't be there on the webinar live - so that we can send you a link to the replay. On the webinar we'll be also offering a special discount for our 7-week online course on how to create Thriving Intimacy in your relationship. It's everything about relationship that you wish you had learned in school (plus unlearning the things that you did learn in school). That course starts on September 26th. Another great reason to join us for the free webinar! As always, let me know if you have any questions, and please enjoy this week's episode of Relationship Alive!