Podcasts about Margaret Rutherford

If you were brought up in a family or a culture that never recognized, discussed, or processed things like depression and trauma, you may have learned to simply hide those difficult feelings away and simply act as if everything's great. You can be a high achiever, striving perfection, all to keep away demons that you've never really faced. Your act can be so good that it even fools you. For a while, anyway. Until it doesn't. And then things can get very ugly. Psychologist Dr. Margaret Rutherford coined the term Perfectly Hidden Depression several years ago in a blog post that instantly went viral, filling her inbox with people shocked to recognize their own lives in what she described. She joins us to talk about PHD, how to recognize it in yourself, and what to do about it.Thank you to all our listeners who support the show as monthly members of Maximum Fun.Check out our I'm Glad You're Here and Depresh Mode merchandise at the brand new merch website MaxFunStore.com!Hey, remember, you're part of Depresh Mode and we want to hear what you want to hear about. What guests and issues would you like to have covered in a future episode? Write us at depreshmode@maximumfun.org.Depresh Mode is on BlueSky, Instagram, Substack, and you can join our Preshies Facebook group. Help is available right away.The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-8255, 1-800-273-TALKCrisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741.International suicide hotline numbers available here: https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

Margaret Rutherford, Alastair Sim, Peter Sellers, John Gielgud, Leigh Lawson are among just a few of the glittering stars we meet as Mel Byron and the team take a look at what's coming up on TPTV Over late April and early May. It's Easter treats galore for classic film and TV fans!

1 Film – 2 Generationen Laura (*1994) und Jürgen (*1971) sprechen in dieser Folge über einen Film aus dem Jahre 1961. Es handelt sich diesmal um einen Kriminalfilm aus Großbritannien. Darin wurde Miss Marple Zeugin eines Mordes und macht sich mit ihrem treuen Freund Mr. Stringer auf die Suche nach dem Mörder... Es handelt sich dabei um den Film 16 Uhr 50 ab Paddington, der als Start einer kleinen Reihe zu sehen ist und Margaret Rutherford zur Ikone als Miss Marple Darstellerin machte. In Folge 113 widmen wir uns dem berühmtesten Geheimagenten unserer Zeit... Feedback wie immer an filmgeschichten@hysterika.de Folge direkt herunterladen

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3528: A self-centered person shifts every conversation to themselves, often without realizing it, while selfishness involves consistently prioritizing personal desires over others' needs. Dr. Margaret Rutherford clarifies how self-awareness stands apart, it's about acknowledging personal wants and needs while valuing those of others equally. By recognizing these distinctions, you can break free from harmful conditioning, embrace vulnerability, and start prioritizing yourself without guilt. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/whats-the-difference-between-being-selfish-and-being-self-aware/ Quotes to ponder: "You keep in mind your own needs or wants, and treat them with as much consideration as you treat the wants and needs of others." "You're giving yourself the message that you're important, a message that maybe you never or rarely received." "It may feel awkward at first to do things like this for yourself, but it's so worth it. Because you're worth it." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3528: A self-centered person shifts every conversation to themselves, often without realizing it, while selfishness involves consistently prioritizing personal desires over others' needs. Dr. Margaret Rutherford clarifies how self-awareness stands apart, it's about acknowledging personal wants and needs while valuing those of others equally. By recognizing these distinctions, you can break free from harmful conditioning, embrace vulnerability, and start prioritizing yourself without guilt. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/whats-the-difference-between-being-selfish-and-being-self-aware/ Quotes to ponder: "You keep in mind your own needs or wants, and treat them with as much consideration as you treat the wants and needs of others." "You're giving yourself the message that you're important, a message that maybe you never or rarely received." "It may feel awkward at first to do things like this for yourself, but it's so worth it. Because you're worth it." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3528: A self-centered person shifts every conversation to themselves, often without realizing it, while selfishness involves consistently prioritizing personal desires over others' needs. Dr. Margaret Rutherford clarifies how self-awareness stands apart, it's about acknowledging personal wants and needs while valuing those of others equally. By recognizing these distinctions, you can break free from harmful conditioning, embrace vulnerability, and start prioritizing yourself without guilt. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/whats-the-difference-between-being-selfish-and-being-self-aware/ Quotes to ponder: "You keep in mind your own needs or wants, and treat them with as much consideration as you treat the wants and needs of others." "You're giving yourself the message that you're important, a message that maybe you never or rarely received." "It may feel awkward at first to do things like this for yourself, but it's so worth it. Because you're worth it." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2409: Dr. Margaret Rutherford explores the complexities of unconditional parental love when faced with the destructive behaviors of an adult child. She discusses the profound emotional toll, the necessity of setting boundaries, and the delicate balance between love and detachment. This piece offers both empathy and guidance for parents navigating these heart-wrenching challenges. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/when-a-parents-unconditional-love-is-worn-away/ Quotes to ponder: "Unconditional parental love can be used up, worn away, and virtually destroyed." "It's a kind of emotional death. The death of dreams, of hope, and of trust." "Changing the locks, cutting financial support, or setting boundaries can break your heart - but your head knows they're all that's left to do." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

fWotD Episode 2760: The Importance of Being Earnest Welcome to Featured Wiki of the Day, your daily dose of knowledge from Wikipedia’s finest articles.The featured article for Sunday, 24 November 2024 is The Importance of Being Earnest.The Importance of Being Earnest, a Trivial Comedy for Serious People is a play by Oscar Wilde, the last of his four drawing-room plays, following Lady Windermere's Fan (1892), A Woman of No Importance (1893) and An Ideal Husband (1895). First performed on 14 February 1895 at the St James's Theatre in London, it is a farcical comedy depicting the tangled affairs of two young men about town who lead double lives to evade unwanted social obligations, both assuming the name Ernest while wooing the two young women of their affections. The play, celebrated for its wit and repartee, parodies contemporary dramatic norms, gently satirises late Victorian manners, and introduces – in addition to the two pairs of young lovers – the formidable Lady Bracknell, the fussy governess Miss Prism and the benign and scholarly Canon Chasuble. Contemporary reviews in Britain and overseas praised the play's humour, although some critics had reservations about its lack of social messages.The successful opening night marked the climax of Wilde's career but was followed within weeks by his downfall. The Marquess of Queensberry, whose son Lord Alfred Douglas was Wilde's lover, unsuccessfully schemed to throw a bouquet of rotten vegetables at the playwright at the end of the performance. This feud led to a series of legal trials from March to May 1895 which resulted in Wilde's conviction and imprisonment for homosexual acts. Despite the play's early success, Wilde's disgrace caused it to be closed in May after 86 performances. After his release from prison in 1897 he published the play from exile in Paris, but he wrote no more comic or dramatic works.From the early 20th century onwards the play has been revived frequently in English-speaking countries and elsewhere. After the first production, which featured George Alexander, Allan Aynesworth and Irene Vanbrugh among others, many actors have been associated with the play, including Mabel Terry-Lewis, John Gielgud, Edith Evans, Margaret Rutherford, Martin Jarvis, Nigel Havers and Judi Dench. The role of the redoubtable Lady Bracknell has sometimes been played by men. The Importance of Being Earnest has been adapted for radio from the 1920s onwards and for television since the 1930s, filmed for the cinema on three occasions (directed by Anthony Asquith in 1952, Kurt Baker in 1992 and Oliver Parker in 2002) and turned into operas and musicals.This recording reflects the Wikipedia text as of 00:30 UTC on Sunday, 24 November 2024.For the full current version of the article, see The Importance of Being Earnest on Wikipedia.This podcast uses content from Wikipedia under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.Visit our archives at wikioftheday.com and subscribe to stay updated on new episodes.Follow us on Mastodon at @wikioftheday@masto.ai.Also check out Curmudgeon's Corner, a current events podcast.Until next time, I'm long-form Patrick.

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2765: Dr. Margaret Rutherford explores the nuances between comfort eating and binge eating, sharing personal stories of emotional eating to highlight the importance of self-awareness. She provides practical tips to help differentiate emotional hunger from physical hunger and suggests healthier coping mechanisms to address emotional distress without resorting to food. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/bingeing-or-comfort-eating-five-ways-for-comfort-eating-to-stay-comfortable/ Quotes to ponder: "Comfort eating, while not a clinical term, is almost exclusively for self-soothing." "Shame and hatred will only serve as a hurdle rather than some kind of self-punitive motivation." "Grief, sadness, guilt, anger, disappointment, humiliation none of these emotions are easy to feel. Yet the more you avoid them, the stronger they can become." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2765: Dr. Margaret Rutherford explores the nuances between comfort eating and binge eating, sharing personal stories of emotional eating to highlight the importance of self-awareness. She provides practical tips to help differentiate emotional hunger from physical hunger and suggests healthier coping mechanisms to address emotional distress without resorting to food. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/bingeing-or-comfort-eating-five-ways-for-comfort-eating-to-stay-comfortable/ Quotes to ponder: "Comfort eating, while not a clinical term, is almost exclusively for self-soothing." "Shame and hatred will only serve as a hurdle rather than some kind of self-punitive motivation." "Grief, sadness, guilt, anger, disappointment, humiliation none of these emotions are easy to feel. Yet the more you avoid them, the stronger they can become." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I had the absolute pleasure of talking with the inspiring Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Let me tell you, Margaret's journey is nothing short of transformative. She opened up about the pressures we put on ourselves to be perfect and how embracing both strengths and weaknesses is the key to self-acceptance. We had a fantastic discussion about the beautifully imperfect stories that connect us more deeply than any facade of perfection ever could. Margaret's decision to share her personal struggles on social media was initially terrifying, but she found an overwhelming wave of support that made it all worth it. For more information on this episode go to https://www.sallyspencerthomas.com/hope-illuminated-podcast/ep131/perfectly-hidden-depression-interview-with-dr-margaret-rutherford-episode-131

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2289: Dr. Margaret Rutherford delves into the challenges of emotionally divorcing from a partner in the age of social media. She explains how platforms like Facebook and Instagram can prolong emotional turmoil by keeping individuals tied to their exes' lives. The piece encourages readers to focus on personal healing and establish healthier communication habits. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/getting-emotionally-divorced-three-ways-social-media-prolongs-the-process/ Quotes to ponder: "It's much healthier to focus on your own healing, as you've got a rough enough ride without making it rougher." "You can only control your end of that relationship. And getting emotionally divorced - so that you're not looking for anything from them other than a co-parent - needs to be your focus." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2662: Dr. Margaret Rutherford delves into the profound and complex emotions that follow the suicide of a loved one. She explores the importance of seeking therapy, understanding one's feelings, and gradually finding peace amidst the turmoil. Dr. Rutherford's compassionate guidance helps navigate the pain, offering hope and strategies for healing. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/what-do-i-do-if-someone-i-love-commits-suicide/ Quotes to ponder: "Sometimes you're unbearably lost; sometimes angry. Sometimes so sad you can barely move." "Your emotions will be mixed. Fear. Anger. Despair. Bewilderment. All are normal and will likely come and go." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2662: Dr. Margaret Rutherford delves into the profound and complex emotions that follow the suicide of a loved one. She explores the importance of seeking therapy, understanding one's feelings, and gradually finding peace amidst the turmoil. Dr. Rutherford's compassionate guidance helps navigate the pain, offering hope and strategies for healing. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/what-do-i-do-if-someone-i-love-commits-suicide/ Quotes to ponder: "Sometimes you're unbearably lost; sometimes angry. Sometimes so sad you can barely move." "Your emotions will be mixed. Fear. Anger. Despair. Bewilderment. All are normal and will likely come and go." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2265: Dr. Margaret Rutherford shares her profound journey from a jazz singer to a therapist, shedding light on the complexities and emotional turmoil faced by abuse victims. Through personal stories and a powerful exercise, she illustrates the difficult decisions involved in leaving abusive relationships and emphasizes the importance of empathy and support. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/why-women-and-men-who-are-being-abused-dont-leave-an-exercise-for-understanding/ Quotes to ponder: "It was each woman's story that made those reasons real." "Remember, you'll be responsible for all these people losing their life if you don't throw a piece of luggage overboard." Episode references: Psychology Today - Understanding Domestic Violence: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/domestic-violence The National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this insightful episode, host Kim Gross engages in a profound conversation with Dr. Margaret Rutherford, a seasoned psychologist, TEDx speaker, and author of 'Perfectly Hidden Depression.' They delve into understanding what perfectly hidden depression entails, the characteristics of individuals who struggle with perfectionism and hidden depression, and the impact of such issues. Dr. Rutherford shares her journey of coining the term and writing about it, the response she received, and the importance of addressing the root causes of this syndrome. The episode ends with practical advice for listeners who might identify with these traits and need help. About Dr. Margaret:  Margaret Robinson Rutherford Ph.D., a clinical psychologist with thirty years of experience, is also an author, TedX speaker, and podcast host. Her book, Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression, has reached thousands here in the US and abroad. Years of treating patients with depression have taught me that there's a widely overlooked, frequently misdiagnosed, and potentially deadly presentation of this disorder. I've termed it "perfectly hidden depression" and have been teaching and speaking about it since researching and publishing a book by the same name in 2019. I've given virtual and live seminars to diverse organizations, CE presentations to mental and medical health professionals, with the most recent and exciting opportunity to be a TEDxBocaRaton speaker. Book has been translated into Dutch, Korean, Polish, Vietnamese, Turkish, & Czech, German, and Italian. Contact Dr. Margaret: Email: askdrmargaret@drmargaretrutherford.com Website: www.drmargaretrutherford.com Podcast; Self Work Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-selfwork-podcast/id1166015598 Connect with Kim TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching Website: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ Take the People-Pleasing & Perfectionist Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php Facebook Group Recovering People-Pleasers & Perfectionists:⁠ https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity⁠ Masks Off email: podcastmasksoff@gmail.com YouTube:YouTube: ⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q⁠ Spotify:  ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg⁠ Apple podcast:  ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583⁠

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2242: Dr. Margaret Rutherford shares practical insights on maintaining the warmth and depth of long-distance relationships in a technology-driven world. Her four core beliefs highlight the importance of flexibility, redefining celebrations, avoiding comparisons, and consistent communication to keep relationships thriving despite physical distances. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/four-skills-to-make-long-distance-relationships-work-including-empty-nest/ Quotes to ponder: "It's the togetherness that matters, whenever you can make that happen." "Comparison is the thief of joy." "Every relationship requires a loving touch from time to time, and relationships need nurturing no matter what the distance involved." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3233: Dr. Margaret Rutherford offers a heartfelt exploration of loving someone with recurrent depression, sharing Patricia's story to illustrate the complexities and challenges involved. By developing empathy and understanding, loved ones can better support and help manage this difficult condition. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/how-to-understand-when-you-love-someone-with-recurrent-depression/ Quotes to ponder: "Every now and then, the powers that be dig a hole in the floor somewhere, a hole just big enough for you to fall through." "Patricia's eyes filled with tears. Dan looked at her. 'I'm sorry. Now I get it. I'd be paralyzed.'" "You can help by not judging and by giving them the respectful message that you know they're trying." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3233: Dr. Margaret Rutherford offers a heartfelt exploration of loving someone with recurrent depression, sharing Patricia's story to illustrate the complexities and challenges involved. By developing empathy and understanding, loved ones can better support and help manage this difficult condition. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/how-to-understand-when-you-love-someone-with-recurrent-depression/ Quotes to ponder: "Every now and then, the powers that be dig a hole in the floor somewhere, a hole just big enough for you to fall through." "Patricia's eyes filled with tears. Dan looked at her. 'I'm sorry. Now I get it. I'd be paralyzed.'" "You can help by not judging and by giving them the respectful message that you know they're trying." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3233: Dr. Margaret Rutherford offers a heartfelt exploration of loving someone with recurrent depression, sharing Patricia's story to illustrate the complexities and challenges involved. By developing empathy and understanding, loved ones can better support and help manage this difficult condition. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/how-to-understand-when-you-love-someone-with-recurrent-depression/ Quotes to ponder: "Every now and then, the powers that be dig a hole in the floor somewhere, a hole just big enough for you to fall through." "Patricia's eyes filled with tears. Dan looked at her. 'I'm sorry. Now I get it. I'd be paralyzed.'" "You can help by not judging and by giving them the respectful message that you know they're trying." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today's episode, Gabe interviews Dr. Margaret Rutherford, a clinical psychologist and the host of “The SelfWork Podcast.” They discuss the pressing issue of loneliness as a global health threat, likening its mortality effects to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and explore its close relationship with depression. Rutherford emphasizes the importance of practicing social interaction, reevaluating perceptions of being alone, and taking small proactive steps to combat loneliness and build meaningful connections. “I think you have to look at your definition of alone. And what are you telling yourself about being alone? I'm alone because, what? Because I'm a failure? Because I am undesirable? What are you heaping on yourself about being alone that is detrimental to you? As long as you are engaged in constant negative appraisal of you spending an evening alone or a week alone or whatever it is, as long as you are calling that highly undesirable and actually that means you are less than, then you're going to run into trouble.” ~Dr. Margaret Rutherford To learn more -- or read the transcript -- please visit the official episode page. Our guest, Margaret Robinson Rutherford, PhD, is a clinical psychologist with 30 years of experience, an author, TEDx speaker, and podcast host. Her book, “Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression,” has reached thousands in the United States and is having an international impact, with translations reaching Korea to Italy, Turkey to Germany. Her podcast, “The SelfWork Podcast,” has been continuously rated as one of the best podcasts for mental health and depression. Our host, Gabe Howard, is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, "Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations," available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author. Gabe makes his home in the suburbs of Columbus, Ohio. He lives with his supportive wife, Kendall, and a Miniature Schnauzer dog that he never wanted, but now can't imagine life without. To book Gabe for your next event or learn more about him, please visit gabehoward.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2215: Dr. Margaret Rutherford explores the profound impact of parental hurt and offers four steps toward healing: acknowledgment, self-compassion, connecting past experiences with present behavior, and revealing your pain to a trusted person. Her compassionate approach provides actionable guidance for those seeking to overcome the emotional scars of a difficult childhood and build a healthier future. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/how-do-you-heal-from-parents-who-hurt-you/ Quotes to ponder: "I've heard hundreds of stories of those who suffered terribly as children at the hands of the very people who were supposed to care for them." "You may believe that if you deny or discount the hurt you endured as a child that you've got things under control. However, it doesn't work that way." "If you don't feel it, you live it." Episode references: I Don't Want to Talk About It: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0684835398 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the new Mental Health Minis series! Every Monday, we will feature a 5-minute mini-episode with content from a past She Persisted episode. This week's guest is Dr. Margaret Rutherford, a psychologist, author, and podcast host who coined the term "perfectly hidden depression". In this mini-episode, you'll learn what perfectly hidden depression looks like and five ways you can start healing from this depression. To listen to the full episode, click HERE!SHOP GUEST RECOMMENDATIONS: https://amzn.to/3A69GOCLET'S CONNECT+ Instagram (@shepersistedpodcast)+ Website (shepersistedpodcast.com)+ YouTube (Sadie Sutton: She Persisted Podcast)+ Twitter (@persistpodcast)+ Facebook (@shepersistedpodcast)+ TikTok (@shepersistedpodcast)+ inquiries@shepersistedpodcast.com© 2020 She Persisted LLC. This podcast is copyrighted subject matter owned by She Persisted LLC and She Persisted LLC reserves all rights in and to the podcast. Any use without She Persisted LLC's express prior written consent is prohibited.

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2193: Dr. Margaret Rutherford delves into the complexities of dealing with someone who relies too heavily on you emotionally. She provides five actionable steps to manage this dynamic, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries, seeking professional help, and maintaining your own emotional health. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/5-things-to-do-when-someone-needs-you-too-much/ Quotes to ponder: "I don't know how I would make it if I didn't have you to talk to." "You feel trapped and perhaps even emotionally blackmailed." "It's their very difficult battle to fight. You can support, listen, love. But not fix." Episode references: I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: https://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Understanding/dp/0399536213 Stop Walking on Eggshells: https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901 Disarming the Narcissist: https://www.amazon.com/Disarming-Narcissist-Surviving-Thriving-Self-Absorbed/dp/1608827607 Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl ZenCare: https://zencare.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2738: Dr. Margaret Rutherford guides us through the emotional terrain of an empty nest in her insightful article. She shares her personal journey and practical advice on embracing this life transition with intentionality and grace, providing an empowering perspective for parents facing similar changes. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/how-to-not-be-victimized-by-empty-nest-letting-go-with-intention/ Quotes to ponder: "Only your prominence in your child's life changes. Not your significance." "You're not a victim. You're sad." "Intention gives you back a sense of control." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Margaret Robinson Rutherford Ph.D., a clinical psychologist with thirty years of experience, is also an author, TedX speaker, and podcast host. Her book, Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression, has reached thousands here in the US, as well as having an international impact, with translations reaching from Korea to Italy, Turkey to Germany. Her highly popular podcast, The SelfWork Podcast, has been continuously rated as one of the best podcasts for mental health and depression, and her TedX talk hit the top 50 in 2023. Dr. Margaret's known for her vibrantly engaging and theoretically well-crafted presentations, whether live or virtual. Whether her diverse audiences are made up of mental health professionals, construction workers, or office managers, her passionate message is that healthy mental and emotional lives can be created through becoming more transparent with one another. Sharing who you really are with those you trust is a huge step toward connection and good mental health. Rates of depression and suicide are skyrocketing. And there's something we can do! She's further challenging the mental health profession to question their overreliance on the official symptom checklist for diagnosis. Instead, we need to create normalcy around suicidal feelings, listen to each person's actual experience of their life, and respond with safety and compassion, rather than stigmatizing this very real and excruciatingly painful part of human existence. *Though I usually don't do this, I wanted to be sure to put in a content warning here for discussion of self-harm and suicide.* In this episode, we cover: - how she pivoted from a career in music to psychology - why people use perfectionism to mask depression - the story behind her book - Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression - how you can start to express and accept yourself ... and more! You can connect with her over on Instagram: @drmargaretrutherford Or check out her website: drmargaretrutherford.com You can learn more about me by following on IG @imperfectlypaigewellness or by checking out my blog, freebies, and offers on my website: https://imperfectlypaigewellness.com Please share with #PaigeTalksWellness to help get the word out about the show - and join the Imperfect Health Fam over on Facebook.

Behind every smile, there can be hidden struggles and pain. You might even be one of those people struggling so much but puts on a smiling face even though you feel like you are sinking.   Smiling depression, a somewhat new term to describe people who are struggling with high-functioning depression, is a lonely battle that many individuals face. In today's episode, we dive into the topic of smiling depression, exploring what it is and how it affects those who suffer from it. IS SMILING DEPRESSION A DIAGNOSIS? First of all, let me be clear. Smiling Depression is not a specific mental health diagnosis.  Instead, it is a presentation of depression. Unlike well-known symptoms of depression, those with smiling depression put on a facade of happiness. They may appear perfectly fine on the surface, leaving their inner turmoil hidden from the outside world. Unfortunately, this masks the severity of their emotional struggles, making it difficult for others to offer support or understanding. It is important to acknowledge the hidden struggles of smiling depression and offer compassion and support to those who are silently battling this condition. They are not lying or faking it to deceive you.  Instead, they feel completely trapped. They often see no way but to keep going and keep pretending. They just keep smiling, even though they see an end in sight. They put a smile on their face, and they push through.  Even just saying that makes me want to cry, as I have been in this situation too many times.  I completely understand the pressure (often self-induced pressure) just to keep going and “not complain,” “look at the bright side,” or “be grateful for what I have,” even though I was being crushed with hopelessness, helpfulness and worthlessness.  My hope is by addressing this topic, we can create an environment where you feel safe to express your true emotions and seek help.  You are not broken. You are not wrong for feeling this way.  And asking for help does not make you weak or bad.  You deserve to have support, love, compassion, and time to recover.  SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF SMILING DEPRESSION Smiling depression can be difficult to identify, as those who experience it often mask their true emotions behind a smile. However, there are certain signs and symptoms that can help us recognize this hidden condition.  One common characteristic of smiling depression is the apparent contradiction between a person's outward demeanor and their inner emotional state. While they may appear cheerful, happy, and successful, they may be struggling with feelings of hopelessness, helpfulness, worthlessness, emptiness, sadness, or even thoughts of self-harm or suicide. Another smiling depression symptom is the tendency to keep their struggles hidden from others. Individuals with smiling depression often feel the need to maintain a facade of happiness, fearing that opening up about their inner turmoil will burden or disappoint those around them. This can lead to a sense of isolation and loneliness, further exacerbating their emotional struggles. Furthermore, individuals with smiling depression often experience a lack of motivation and interest in activities they once enjoyed. They may withdraw socially, have difficulty concentrating, and experience changes in appetite and sleep patterns. These symptoms, when combined with the constant pressure to maintain a happy facade, can take a toll on their overall well-being. What I think is very interested is the overlap of Smiling depression and perfectly hidden depression.  We previously did an episode with Margaret Rutherford about perfectly hidden depression which is a form of depression where people become hyper fixated on being perfect to mask their experience of depression.  You can listen that episode on the show notes to learn more.  THE HIDDEN STRUGGLES OF SMILING DEPRESSION Smiling depression is not simply a case of "putting on a brave face." It is a complex mental health condition that can have severe consequences if left untreated. While individuals with smiling depression may appear perfectly fine on the surface, they often battle with intense emotional pain behind closed doors. One of the hidden struggles of smiling depression is the constant pressure to maintain a happy facade. Society often expects individuals to be cheerful and optimistic, making it difficult for those with smiling depression to express their true feelings. This can lead to shame, guilt, and a sense of being misunderstood. Additionally, the internal conflict between the outward appearance of happiness and the inner turmoil can be mentally and emotionally exhausting. Individuals with smiling depression often feel like they are living a double life, constantly hiding their pain while wearing a smile. This internal struggle can affect their self-esteem and overall mental well-being. Furthermore, the lack of understanding and awareness surrounding smiling depression can make it difficult for individuals to seek help. Since they appear to function well in their daily lives, others often dismiss or overlook their struggles. This can further isolate them and prevent them from receiving their desperately needed support. THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN SOCIAL MEDIA AND SMILING DEPRESSION Social media has become an integral part of our lives in today's digital age. While it has its benefits, it can also contribute to the development and exacerbation of mental health conditions such as smiling depression. Social media platforms often present a distorted reality where everyone appears to be living their best lives. This constant exposure to curated and idealized versions of other people's lives can create a sense of inadequacy and comparison for individuals with smiling depression. They may feel like they are not living up to the standards set by others, further fueling their feelings of emptiness and sadness. Furthermore, the pressure to maintain a positive online presence can be overwhelming for those with smiling depression. They may feel compelled to post happy and upbeat content, even when struggling internally. This can perpetuate the cycle of hiding their emotions and feeling isolated from their online communities. If this is true for you, remember that social media is almost always fake.  It is not the real life of the people you follow. I love seeing posts where people show pictures of themselves looking all glamorous and then show them crying just a few minutes later. Even though I hate that they are struggling, some people are showing what real life is like behind the scenes and I think we all need to remember that.  COPING STRATEGIES FOR INDIVIDUALS WITH SMILING DEPRESSION While overcoming smiling depression can be a challenging journey, there are coping strategies that can help individuals navigate their inner struggles and find some relief. The first coping strategy is to practice self-care. This involves prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time in nature, can help alleviate symptoms of smiling depression. Building a routine with healthy habits, such as getting enough sleep and maintaining a balanced diet, can also contribute to overall well-being. If you want to learn more about health routines for depression, we covered that in a recent podcast episode called Living with Depression: Daily Routines for Mental Wellness. The link to that episode will be in the show notes.  Seeking social support is another crucial coping strategy for individuals with smiling depression. Opening up to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals can provide a safe space to express emotions and receive support.  Joining support groups or engaging in therapy sessions can also help individuals develop healthy coping mechanisms and learn from others who have faced similar challenges. In addition, practicing mindfulness and self-reflection can be beneficial for individuals with smiling depression. This involves being present in the moment, accepting one's emotions without judgment, and exploring the underlying causes of their struggles. Techniques such as meditation, journaling, or engaging in creative outlets can aid in self-discovery and promote emotional healing. It is important to note that coping strategies may vary from person to person, and what works for one individual may not work for another. The key is to explore different techniques and find a personalized approach that best suits one's needs and preferences. TREATMENT FOR SMILING DEPRESSION While coping strategies can be helpful, it is important to acknowledge that smiling depression is still simply a term to describe a serious mental health condition that often requires professional intervention. Seeking help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychiatrist, can provide individuals with the necessary support and guidance to navigate their journey toward recovery. A mental health professional can help individuals with smiling depression by providing evidence-based treatments, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or medication. To start, the main treatment goal might be to offer a safe and non-judgmental space for individuals to express their emotions and come to terms with the fact that smiling through their pain is not working anymore.  This can be painful and very scary.  It is crucial to remember that seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous step towards healing. With the guidance and support of a mental health professional, individuals with smiling depression can find the strength to overcome their inner struggles and live a fulfilling life. CBT treatment will involve addressing any errors in their thinking and also addressing the behaviors that are contributing to their depression.  The real goal of CBT is to compassionately help the person with smiling depression to find new and effective coping techniques, and kind, and move them towards long-term recovery and healing.  If you are looking for help with depression and do not have access to professional mental health care, or if you are interested in learning new ways to manage your depression, you may want to consider our online course called OVERCOMING DEPRESSION.  Overcoming depression is an on-demand online course that will walk you through the exact steps I take my clients through when they have depression.  I will first help you fully understand the science behind why you have depression, and then I will teach you all about how to create a plan of attack to overcome your depression.  Treatment for depression involves learning a lot about self-compassion and mindfulness. These skills will help you manage strong emotions and the depressive thoughts that you have.  I will teach you how to correct the errors in your thinking, create a schedule that will help you reduce overwhelm and hopelessness, and increase your motivation to get the things that you need to get done I will give you printouts and video training to show you just how to do it all.  If you are interested, go to www.cbtschool.com/depression.  Just remember, it is not therapy. This is a home study course to show you the steps others have taken to overcome their depression.  SUPPORT SYSTEMS FOR THOSE WITH SMILING DEPRESSION Building a strong support system is vital for individuals with smiling depression. Having a network of understanding and empathetic individuals can provide a sense of validation and belonging, helping to counteract the feelings of isolation that often accompany this condition. Support can come from various sources, including friends, family members, support groups, and online communities. It is important for individuals with smiling depression to reach out and connect with others who have similar experiences. This can provide a safe space for sharing emotions, exchanging coping strategies, and offering mutual support. Additionally, it is crucial for loved ones to educate themselves about smiling depression and understand the unique challenges faced by those who suffer from it. By learning about the condition, they can provide the necessary support and validation, helping individuals feel heard and understood. CONCLUSION AND ENCOURAGEMENT FOR THOSE WITH SMILING DEPRESSION Smiling depression is a hidden battle that many individuals face. Behind their smiles, they may be struggling with intense emotional pain and a sense of isolation.  If you or someone you know is experiencing smiling depression, remember that you are not alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals. Seek help and support, and remember that there is hope for recovery.

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3181: Explore the multifaceted nature of procrastination with Dr. Margaret Rutherford, as she delves into its roots ranging from trauma to perfectionism. Discover practical strategies to tackle procrastination by understanding its underlying causes and learn how to transform shame and self-doubt into empowering self-compassion. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/understanding-and-overcoming-procrastination/ Quotes to ponder: "When procrastination is no longer manageable or funny, these procrastinations aren't a laughing matter; instead you feel humiliated by how insignificant your fears seem and chastise yourself, 'I don't know why I can't do this, everybody can do this.'" "If it's mainly anxiety, then calming techniques such as mindfulness or meditation could be useful, hypnosis is a possibility, cognitive work (challenging those irrational thoughts), and regular exercise could also be helpful." Episode references: EMDR International Association: https://www.emdria.org/ EMDR Institute, Inc.: https://www.emdr.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2169: Explore practical ways to improve communication with your partner with Dr. Margaret Rutherford's enlightening insights in "Five Reasons We Talk 'At' Each Other And How To Listen." Discover how to break free from common listening barriers and foster a deeper connection through effective communication techniques. Learn from the experiences of couples like Jim and Rebecca who transformed their relationship by mastering the art of listening. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/five-reasons-we-talk-at-each-other-and-how-to-listen/ Quotes to ponder: "It's easy to assume you know what your partner is going to say. Instead stay curious." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2542: Discover the vital insights Dr. Margaret Rutherford offers on resolving parenting conflicts in a constructive manner. Through her work, you'll learn about the importance of appreciating differences, managing personal insecurities, and fostering cooperation in parenting, leading to a healthier and more balanced family dynamic. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/how-to-solve-the-parenting-debate-four-important-realizations/ Quotes to ponder: "Parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world. There's no rehearsal. No interview process. You haven't a clue what it's going to be like, and suddenly, you're hired." "Appreciate and be grateful for your differences. Maybe your partner announces on a sunny Saturday morning, 'It's a gorgeous day! Let's take the kids for a hike!' But you'd planned chores for the day." "Manage your own insecurity. Parenting is the most ambiguous task you'll ever do. None of us know for certain what the outcome will be." Episode references: The Four Agreements: https://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319 How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: https://www.amazon.com/Improve-Your-Marriage-Without-Talking/dp/0767923189 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you someone who appears to have a perfect life on the outside, but inward you struggle with depression? Have you become an expert at hiding your emotional pain from others?  Our guest on this episode, clinical psychologist Dr. Margaret Rutherford, is an expert on what she calls "perfectly hidden depression". She talks to us about the symptoms, the importance of identifying the syndrome early, how to take off the mask of perfectionism, and offers guidance for how to overcome it.  Her website is https://drmargaretrutherford.com/.    Ritual's clinically-backed Essential For Women 18+ multivitamin has high-quality, traceable key ingredients in clean, bioavailable forms.  It's gentle on an empty stomach with a minty essence that helps make taking your multi-vitamin enjoyable. You'll love the way they leave your mouth feeling fresh! Here's a special offer for our Nobody Told Me listeners! Get 25% off your first month at ritual.com/NTM.  Start Ritual or add Essential for Women 18+ to your subscription today.     Shopify is the all-in-one commerce platform that makes it simple for anyone to start, run and grow your own successful business. With Shopify, you'll create an online store, discover new customers, and grow the following that keeps them coming back. Shopify makes getting paid simple, by instantly accepting every type of payment. With Shopify's single dashboard, you can manage orders, shipping and payments from anywhere. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at Shopify.com/nobody.

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2145: Dr. Margaret Rutherford illuminates the path to healthier relationships by dispelling five pervasive misconceptions about couples therapy. Through her expert lens, she encourages couples to embrace therapy not as a last resort but as a proactive step toward understanding and resolving conflicts before they escalate, underlining the courage it takes to confront and navigate vulnerability together. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/how-do-couples-talk-themselves-out-of-therapy-three-common-misconceptions-that-mask-vulnerability/ Quotes to ponder: "Your friends often have an agenda. Hopefully, a therapist does not - except to help you and your partner reach a better place with one another." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2690: Dr. Margaret Rutherford's enlightening article sheds light on the profound importance of apologies in strengthening marriages. By navigating through the common pitfalls of a bad apology, Rutherford emphasizes how genuine apologies foster integrity, build trust, and maintain mutual respect between partners, serving as a vital component for a healthy and enduring relationship. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/three-vital-reasons-to-say-im-sorry-in-your-marriage/ Quotes to ponder: "Love means you say you're sorry and you mean it. Sincerely." "Saying you're sorry means that you recognize your behavior has an impact on those around you." "It's a gift that reflects your integrity." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2122: In "Are You Addicted To Your Ex? To Love? Or Are You Still Grieving?" by Dr. Margaret Rutherford, delve into the emotional complexities of holding onto past relationships. Dr. Rutherford expertly guides readers through the dangers of yo-yo relationships, love addiction, and the struggle to emotionally divorce, providing insights on recognizing the difference between normal grieving and a detrimental inability to let go. This article is a must-read for anyone finding themselves stuck in the past, offering valuable perspectives on moving forward with strength and clarity. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/are-you-addicted-to-your-ex-to-love-or-are-you-still-grieving/ Quotes to ponder: "Love addicts live in a chaotic world of desperate need and emotional despair." "Healthy relationships don't complete your life. They enhance your already fulfilled life." "Forgiveness is key. Both of you must take responsibility for your end of whatever caused the break-up; this is vital for a relationship to reemerge." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you having a hard time trusting your new partner after your last relationship? Your ex may have damaged your ability to trust again, but you don't have to live in fear forever. Dr. Margaret Rutherford joins Abby to talk about what you can to have a healthy relationship with your new partner.  - Check out Dr. Margaret Rutherford's: - Website: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/ - Podcast: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/selfwork/ - Follow the podcast - Abby's IG: https://www.instagram.com/abbymariemurphy/ - Abby's TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theabbymurphy/ - The Break Up Break Down on IG: https://www.instagram.com/breakupbreakdownpodcast/ - Submit a break up story/couple: https://forms.gle/ATdabGFwyy7tEx3W8 - Submit Feedback: https://forms.gle/jZcG5YPcBqPyNxEz9 - [CW: Abuse] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3088: Dr. Margaret Rutherford's "How to Challenge Shame Using the Art of Mindfulness" enlightens readers on the transformative power of mindfulness in overcoming the paralyzing grip of shame. By sharing personal anecdotes and practical advice, Rutherford demystifies mindfulness, illustrating how it can disarm negative emotions and foster a more compassionate self-awareness. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/catching-your-perfectionism-and-shame-the-art-of-mindfulness/ Quotes to ponder: "If you simply notice a painful emotion or a thought in the present, but you don't fuel it in any way, that very acceptance can disempower it." Episode references: The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness: https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Way-Through-Depression-Unhappiness/dp/1593851286 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I remember my dad telling me that the main thing he feared in life was to have a heart attack when he was still young. His dad had had that happen and it killed him when my father was only a teenager. My dad, when I was 16, had a heart attack. It didn't kill him but I so remember the look in his eyes, one of acceptance but also one of demoralization. He lived until his early 80's but his life changed – and thus our family's life changed due to that event. Today we're going to be talking about coping with fear, its difference from anxiety, and the unexpected gifts it has to offer.  I'll offer several stories of people I've seen and what helped them begin to cope with their fear, whether it's fear of failure, fear of being away from family, fear like in a phobia, fears of public speaking (one of the most common), fear of death. The range of fear we can feel is immense – but in this episode, we'll focus on some of the positive aspects of fear. The listener voicemail is from a listener who watched my YouTube video with Lewis Howes as well as seeing my and being a part of some FB Lives that I was doing at the time. What he noticed was that I seemed “different” during the interview than I did in the FB Live session… and he'd learned something positive from that. So we'll feature his comments a bit later! Vital Links: Excellent article by Carey Rossi on the gifts of fear Article on 'healthy fear' in the Washington Post My interview with Lewis Howes Get your SelfWork merch here on Zazzle! Advertiser's Links: Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you!      

  I was honored to offer a TEDx talk this past year in Boca Raton, Florida. It's entitled "How to recognize perfectly hidden depression," and in it, I describe clients I've seen who'd never have seemed depressed to anyone around them. Two in particular are featured: one tried to take her life; the other came in well before that happened, but admitted he'd also had thoughts about doing the same. Having thoughts about wishing for the end of your life is much more common than many people realize—and we, as a culture, need to talk about those thoughts with one another much more transparently. Without judgment. It's also imperative that those with an intent to die by suicide should get the help they desperately need. Yet the distinction between having thoughts about it and having a suicidal plan to carry it out is vital to understand. The first is a conversation; the second requires immediate action by whatever mental health provider or family member is told. But if you don't feel safe to reveal such thoughts, how are those conversations ever going to happen? And that's what this episode is all about - how to talk about your depression. The listener email is from a woman in Poland who's choosing to estrange herself from her abusive father; trust is earned not given, and there are certainly times when deciding that having no relationship - or estrangement - is the best way to protect yourself. If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7, dial 988 for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory. ZAZZLE LINK!!! NEW SELFWORK PRODUCTS!  NEW PRODUCTS! Support SelfWork and Click here! Dr. Margaret and The SelfWork Podcast Vital Links! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you!  

I've stayed away from the topic of forgiveness here on SelfWork. Why? Because the word itself means very different things to different people – especially due to your culture or religious belief. But this week, I received an email from a listener that was so poignant AND was about forgiveness, that I've decided to talk about it, I've learned that there are emotions that are are important to acknowledge and work through in order to “get” to forgiveness. What are those emotions? Anger. And empathy. Let me say first… forgiveness isn't an emotion. It's a decision. A decision based on your beliefs, yes. But also based on information and emotional processing. And forgiveness doesn't mean returning to or trying to be okay with abuse or manipulation. So today once again, thank you to this listener for allowing us into her life in such a meaningful way. And I invite all of you to do the same – email me at  askdrmargaret@drmargaretrutherford.com. Vital Links:  Check out the work of Karla McLaren on anger and forgiveness. Dr. John Sommers-Flannagan's work on forgiveness Advertiser's Links: Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you!      

“My feelings were hurt” is a phrase very commonly used. We even use it when we talk to our children.  “Did someone hurt your feelings?” It's kind of interesting when you think about it. Instead of asking, “What happened and how are you feeling about it?” and helping your child sort out their exact feelings, we lump them all together. Many of us carry that lumpy mess of “hurt feelings” into our adulthood. Instead of saying, for example, “I want you to ask me what I think, or what I'd like, instead of assuming you know," you might say,  “You hurt my feelings all the time and you don't even realize it.” So today we'll focus on how to clean up those " hurt feelings" and express them in much clearer, healthier ways - that hopefully can lead to much better results. Advertiser's Link:  Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you!

I've pulled what is the most downloaded episode of SelfWork's history today because I've had to step off the stage again in my work to allow my body and mind to heal. Two weeks ago, I was in a huge hurry, bounding down my staircase, talking to my husband over my shoulder, in my clumsy Uggs boots – and I managed to pull off a head over heels tumble down the steps, eight or nine of them – and landed on a slate floor. Broken collarbone, mild concussion, and so many bumps and bruises... we won't even go there. I'm doing okay. Having some nightmares – which I suspected I would. My body is healing. My husband has been incredible. But I obviously got way behind – and so today I turn to Tina Turner who died this past year for a little inspiration for all of you. This episode is about a night in my own life, when I realized that I needed to take a different role in my family. It's what happens in healthy families. The change felt odd. But I realize now that it was the beginning of what should have been and needed to be. I think I love this concept so much because it uses a stage analogy. Roles change in families. And accepting those changes is part of being healthy in your own role, both on your own stage and the stage of your family. Advertiser's Links:   Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you!        

So many of us are living "what if" lives, meaning that we're not looking at the present and for opportunities that might be right in front of us. Instead we're worrying about the "what ifs" or "what if nots" of the world. And that can keep you in a constant state a perpetual indecisiveness. Of course, foggy thinking is a part of depression and worry is typically a huge part of anxiety. So we'll weave all that together on this episode of SelfWork. Our SpeakPipe voicemail  for today is also about anxiety; she's talking about anticipatory anxiety as she stutters and experiences fear of ridicule because of that.  Understandably.  So, I'm going to include her excellent question in our discussion of anxiety. Vital Links: Excuse Me As I Kiss The Sky - a book of poetry by Rudy Francisco Link to A Guest House by the poet Rumi Advertisers' Links:  We have a brand new sponsor of SelfWork – moonbird. What is it? It's the world's first, tactile breathing coach designed to fit in the palm of your hand. To try it yourself, click here and use the code SELFWORK! Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you!  

Norman Lear is someone whose work, talent, and creativity I've admired for a long time. I've used an interview that he gave before he died as my inspiration for this episode, when he said about his own mortality, "It's not the going... it's the leaving that's hard." So today on SW, we're going to focus on endings and grieving and three facets of grief that may be surprising: When grief is harder the second year and facing the future is hard When your grief means that you fear risking loving again When grief is characterized by "counterfactuals" - "what if's" for example - that keep you paralyzed and living the same life you did when the deceased was alive Our Speakpipe voicemail today is from a daughter who's looking for answers for her mom – after her mother has moved in with her own mother (the listener's grandmother). “She feels a heavy energy…”. And asks how I can help… Vital Links: What are counterfactuals and how do they keep you stuck in grief? “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” ― Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler Advertiser's Links:   Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you!     .        

Dr. Margaret Rutherford is a clinical psychologist, author and host of The SelfWork Podcast. She focuses on helping others lead healthier mental and emotional lives. Today, Dr. Margaret shares how living through her “lost decade” taught her resilience, hope and the transformational power of being more transparent with one another. Known for coining the term “perfectly hidden depression”, Dr. Margaret also shares how to break free from the cage of perfectionism and quiet our critical inner voice. My friends, this conversation is about more than leading healthy mental and emotions lives… it's about embracing the gift of life in all its shades.

When I heard the name of the book my SelfWork guest - Rachel Marie Martin - has written, I knew I wanted her on the show. What's the title?  Mom Enough: Inspiring Letters for theWonderfully Exhausting but Totally Normal Days of Motherhood (Dexterity, September 26, 2023). In it you'll find greatly affirming letters written for moms at various stages of motherhood, from the melancholic to the "tear your hair out" to the poignant. Mom enough. It reminded me of an early psychological researcher, Winnicott,  who was the first guy to stop blaming moms for all their children's psychological problems. He called it, "the good enough mother." And I know that's what I tried to be. Good enough. A Rachel is also the founder of the popular social media community FindingJoy.net, as well as an author and host of the very popular FB page also called Finding Joy where millions of readers learn from her.  I loved having her on SelfWork - and I know you'll enjoy her thoughts about everything about motherhood. And realizing just how hard it is. Advertiser's Link: Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription! Vital Links: You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you!  

You're getting back (or will be soon) to the office or to work or school.. and you start hearing about what everyone else did over the holidays. Maybe you've already seen stuff on social media that seems to tell their story. Maybe you've scrolled Instagram reels or watched hilarious TikToks. Your own life may shrink in comparison - especially if you're living in fear. That's the topic for today. How to confront your fear of missing out (FOMO) or how to stop chasing the "next best thing" and instead, to live in joy (JOMO) or at least contentment. Here's Lauren Cook's and Dr. Cathy Sullivan Windt's definition of JOMO: "JOMO is the satisfaction one feels in the current moment, with accompanying acceptance of what one doesn't have in that moment.” (their article is linked below...). Vital Links: Lauren Cook and Dr. Cathy Sullivan-Windt's wonderful article on JOMO: An earlier SelfWork episode on FOMO Advertiser's Links: Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription! Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you!    

  Today we're going to focus on how the inner child model of therapy has been used and what exactly does it mean. Simply put (which to me is always the best way), how much does a client realize and connect with the idea that their past is influencing their present. I'll offer a story about how that connection is made in therapy if it has not been so far. It's definitely something that many struggle with – as they battle the belief that what happened years ago might be impacting who they think of themselves now. The listener voicemail for today is one I somehow missed last year – and I apologize for that! Because it's an excellent comment: How do therapists experience their own struggles with what the listener called “moral injury,” compassion fatigue and burnout?  I'll look forward to talking about my own struggles and way of trying to achieve, or I should say maintain, my own stability as a therapist. Advertisers' Links:  We have a brand new sponsor of SelfWork - moonbird. What is it? It's the world's first, tactile breathing coach designed to fit in the palm of your hand. To try it yourself, click here and use the code SELFWORK! Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! Vital Links: VeryWell Mind article on inner child work Forbes article on Internal Family Systems therapy SelfWork Episode on Dissociative Identity Disorder with Lynn Barrett Differences in moral injury and burnout You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you!  

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3009: Dr. Margaret Rutherford's article delves into the complexities of codependent relationships, guiding readers to discern their own relationship dynamics. She explores the transformation of codependency from its initial association with substance abuse enabling to a broader understanding of enmeshed partnerships. Through relatable examples and probing questions, Rutherford encourages self-reflection on personal roles within relationships, urging a shift towards healthy interdependence. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/10-questions-to-ask-if-youre-in-a-codependent-relationship/ Quotes to ponder: "When you say, 'I'm codependent,' or, 'We're codependent,' you're often describing a loss of feeling responsible as individuals and/or that your lives are too tightly interwoven." Episode references: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie: Codependent No More Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I've never laughed harder than in this interview with the self-proclaimed "failfluencer" Erin Diehl! Erin is a Top 1% podcast host, Founder & CEO of improve it!, and one of the most electric keynote speakers in the world, using her work as an improvisational actor to teach you and me how our bodies are trying to give us messages about the healing that needs to happen. She's been on global stages with companies like Amazon, LinkedIn, and The Obama Foundation. As a graduate from Clemson University, a former experiential marketing and recruiting professional, and a veteran improviser from the top improvisational training programs in Chicago--including The Second City, Erin can speak to anything from how every day of your life is an "improv scene" to the moment she discovered her chronic back pain was a result of unresolved emotional trauma. Advertiser's Link: Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription! Vital Links: You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you!