Parenting Decoded

Tackling the age-old parenting challenge of getting kids to do their chores requires a systematic approach rather than nagging or giving up. We explore a six-step process focused on bedroom cleanup that can transform your family's approach to household responsibilities.• Breaking down "clean your room" into specific tasks like making the bed, putting clothes in hamper, and picking up toys• Creating separate lists for daily versus weekly tasks to make expectations more manageable• Letting children choose when they'll complete their chores (morning, evening, specific days for weekly tasks)• Setting up clear consequences tied to things kids value rather than making up punishments in the moment• Working as a team with your children to create the system rather than imposing it on them• Taking a focused approach by solving one area at a time rather than trying to fix all chore problems simultaneouslyTry this approach with bedrooms first, then apply what works to other areas of your home. Remember we're experimenting together with our kids to find what works for our unique family.LINK to "Energy Drain Ideas" on Mary's website: ENERGY DRAIN IDEASEmail me at info@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode, we tackle the important issue of childhood sexual abuse and how to help prevent it. By educating ourselves as parents, we can provide our children with the tools they need to protect themselves.• Discuss the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse statistics • Explore the need for children to know proper terminology for body parts • Encourage open lines of communication about consent and boundaries Let's work together to change statistics and protect our children.Here is the full article from AAP:https://www.contemporarypediatrics.com/view/aap-tips-for-teaching-children-about-body-boundaries-and-safetyEmail me at info@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

Does your child have a problem with what's in their backpack?   You know,  those papers that are wrinkled at the bottom?  Maybe a permission slip?  Or possibly a banana?   Or how about the things that are NOT in their backpack?  Do they forget to put their homework in?  Or maybe their lunch or water bottle?  In this podcast take a new approach!We want it to be THEIR fault in their minds.  It's ok that there's a problem, it's just not ok if they blame others. But, if we touch their backpacks, it IS our fault!I have some rules for you: RULES FOR PARENTS 1 - Don't empty the backpack 2 - Don't pack the backpack 3 - Don't carry the backpack  Don't get me wrong,  you're welcome to coach a child but THEY need to do the work.  No nagging!  Just ASK if they'd like some suggestions.  Maybe make lists with them about what's supposed to go IN the backpack before school and what comes OUT after school.  Make the lists together, don't just write it all up for them.  If they can't read then use pictures or drawings.     Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

For some families having lots of Halloween candy floating around our homes causes stress and strain.  In this podcast learn some tricks for treating your whole family to a more fun and happy experience as you learn to set limits and boundaries while giving lots of choices and, occassionally, letting your kids make poor decisions.  Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

Hearing the phrase "secure attachment" makes us think of some academic thesis.  BORING!  Well,  I want to help flip that idea in our minds to "CRUCIAL".  Yes,  having our kids see us as stable, reliable and empathetic beings in their lives is ESSENTIAL.  In this podcast episode I talk to Eli Harwood, a therapist and "attachment nerd", as she calls herself on social media.  We talk about how in her book, Raising Securely Attached Kids, you can learn to build a stable and trusting environment for our kids so they will thrive and grow.  In her examples of how secure parents approach problems you can feel relief in knowing there are successful strategies in creating confident kids who know we'll always have their backs.Eli's new book:Raising Securely Attached Kids: Using Connection-Focused Parenting to Create Confidence, Empathy and ResilienceEli's Good Morning American appearance 8/31/24:How to Manage Anxiety and Stress at the Beginning of the School YearEmail me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

 How much can a 2-, 3- or 4-year-old do?  What can they do?  They're so little, right?  A toddler?  A preschooler?  What's reasonable?  What's not?   Are you doing too much as a parent?   All good questions for sure that most of us struggle with!  In this podcast we explore what's reasonable to encourage and train young kids to do from chores to life skills that will build self-confidence and independence. Here's the list of ideas we cover:  Personal accomplishments:Feed themselvesPack backpackMake bedPick out clothesPut clothes in hamperWash their own hands by themselvesFamily ContributionsSetting the tableClearing dishesVacuumingDustingFold socksLoad laundry and start machineUnload/put away dishesWash windowsTake care of petsSimple cooking tasksOutdoor tasksPull weedsRake leavesWater plantsPersonal GrowthLearn how to have Solo Play TimeHave "Reading Time" on their ownLearn to ride a Balance BikeBe Assistant to Mom or Dad - these are done with JOY and with Mom or Dad, not aloneHelp make a mealPick up dog poop or clean litter boxHelp take out the trashGarden - sweep, dig, plantClean - bathroom, mop floorEmail me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

Getting teens and tweens to talk to parents is an age old battle the repeats itself over and over again with each new generation.  Times change but our teens wanting independence from us doesn't.  In this episode learn some tips and tricks for how to get our kids to relax and just enjoy being with us so that they'll open up and want to trust us.  There is a list of activities and how to use them to break down the barriers and engage your teens and tweens that should lead to building trusting relationships. Here are links to things referenced in the episode:YouTube video:  Communicating with TeensBlog Post Transcript Available HEREEmail me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

Kids of all ages need to feel connected and loved unconditionally.  How can you set up a system in your family for creating and keeping those connections?  In this podcast we go over connections for kids between 2 and 10.  The next podcast covers what you can do for teens and tweens, a much harder demographic than younger kids who still think the world of you.  In this episode we explore ideas on how to have regular "quick" connections on a daily or weekly basis while also considering longer "dates" with our kids.  We talk about how the intention is for each parent to have one-on-one time with each kid in their family.  There are examples of how some families have accomplished this as well as resources for ideas on what to do for "short" connections as well as times to connect in longer, more meaningful ways. The goal is to set up connections that can go deep and will continue on into their tween and teen years.  Hint:  Start young!  Resources for this podcast:30 Joyful Ways to Connect by OneTimeThrough56 Ways to Connect With Your Kids by TalkingParents.comEmail me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

Grumpy kids can really put your home into a foul mood.  What can we do to help tame these dark clouds and bring some sunshine back into our lives?In this episode we'll cover these four steps:Step 1 – Keep Your Cool Step 2 – Offer Empathy and Hugs Step 3 - Fix the Broken Connection Step 4 – Go on a Trigger Quest and Brainstorm The transcript for this episode is HEREHere are the resources mentioned in the podcast:Kings Corner Card Game YouTube Instruction Video Mood Meter Graphic Parenting Decoded YouTube Videos Communicating with Teens and Tweens Parenting Decoded YouTube Video Getting Kids to Listen Being a Calm Parent Parenting Decoded Podcast Link Anger Management for Parents  Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

Parents struggle with how to motivate their children toward certain behaviors. Typically rewards and bribes are used.  In this episode learn about when bribes and rewards are most likely to motivate your child.  There are pros and cons of both types of motivations.  Bribes tend to reinforce negative behaviors, while rewards are commonly thought of as something that's planned ahead and well-thought-out, used for positive behaviors.  However, sometimes our plans backfire!  When? How? What do we do?  Listen and learn!Click HERE for a written transcript on my website. Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

Kids being bullied isn't new.  What's new is the extent at which they are being bullied and, with the internet, in new and harmful ways.  In this episode, we'll cover the different types of bullying:Verbal - teasing, name-calling, taunting, etc.,Social - spreading rumors, leaving kids out, embarrassing them, etc.Physical - hitting, spitting, tripping, etc. Cyberbullying - using digital devices to cause others harmWhy does bullying occur?What can families do?How you can role-play and brainstorm with your child.  Here are resources referenced in the podcast that are also on the transcript that is available and on my website blog:·       https://router-network.com/education/anti-bullying-guide·       https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/bullies.html·       https://www.pacer.org/bullying/·       https://www.stopbullying.gov/ Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

Do you have an anxious child?   Does it worry you or drive you crazy?  Either way you need to listen to this podcast!In this podcast, hear from Stephanie Pinto, founder of Let's Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids and author of the best-selling book From Chaos to Connection.   We talk about how parents can support their kids who have anxiety.  Learn about the 4 different types of anxiety, then the 4 parenting traps that we fall into when we attempt to "help" that wind up having negative impacts.Being over reassuringSwooping in/Jumping in too soonAllowing avoidanceBeing too tough or criticalWhat can we do to help?  Listen in!Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

Today with the launch of the Barbie movie and so much emphasis on selfies and having perfect bodies, it's worth considering how we help out the millions of kids who aren't "perfect".  In this episode I interview Pam Luk, Founder of Ember & Ace, a clothing brand for plus-sized kids.  We talk about how to support our kids both socially and emotionally as well as how we as parents need to tamp down our own feelings about perfection that harm our kids in emotional ways that hurt more than help.Here is a link to Ember & Ace if you'd like to take a peek at their offerings and learn more about them:https://www.emberandace.com/Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

What do you with kids who are wired differently?   Who might be on the spectrum (ADHD, Asperger's, OCD, etc.)?  Maybe they've had a diagnosis, maybe you just can see they are off the charts brilliant and some things but a total failure at socializing with kids their age.  If you have such challenges with your kids,  take a listen to Sam Young of Young Scholars Academy in this episode as he explains how his online community for neurodivergent and gifted children works.  He brings a strength-based approach to getting our kids to connect in healthy, positive ways while learning at the same time.   Lots of topics for kids to connect in small group classes with mentors who help them connect while teaching.  What a concept, like minded-students can finally find "their people"!Young Scholars Academy can be found at YOUNG SCHOLARS ACADEMY.A list of their classes for FALL 2023 is at FALL 2023 COURSES.  If you listen and need this link after Fall 2023,  just go to the main website and choose "Courses" from the main menu. For anyone listening, there's a special discount of 15% off any classes booked for first-time students!  Use Code: YSAPARENTINGDECODED15Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com. Have a blessed rest of your day!

Some kids seem to be born not caring where stuff is.  They rely on us to find things and if we can't find them they blame US!  Yikes! This episode gives you ideas about how to let go of the responsibility for items in our kids lives that should be THEIRS but seem to have become OURS.  Learn how to keep a calm head as we turn over the job of owning "stuff" back to our kids in loving ways.  

Most parents seem to get hit with this at some point in our parenting journey.  It can start at around 6-7 months and usually goes away gradually throughout early childhood.  But… sometimes we're just put to the test with separation issues and we wish someone would let us know what's normal, what's extreme and give us some ideas about what to do. In this podcast we have Jessica O'Connor, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist to help step us through ideas in dealing with separation at different ages and stages. For more details about separation anxiety and what do to:LINK TO BLOG FOR PODCAST 56To reach Jessica O'Connor:www.jessicaoconnor.orgLastly,  if you are having issues in dealing with yourself or your child please reach out to the 24/7 National Helpline for Substance abuse and mental health services administration 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

Listen to Heath Wilson, co-founder of Aro, talk about their innovative technology that helps families develop good screen habits in a positive and fun way.  There's a smart tech "box" to hold your devices when families decide to have non-tech time and an app that will track how long technology has been in the box.  It's the complete opposite of our normal "get off your device" that many families fight about now,! This is more like: "hey, how fun to see how long you been off your device" twist!  You can use the app to have contests with both adults and kids and even track what you were doing while your devices have been in the box.  So cool!  Here's a link :  GOARO.COMI have a few other podcasts mentioned that can help parents looking for more info in dealing with screen time :Podcast 11: Screen Time Issues - Part 1                              ages preschool through elementaryPodcast 12: Screen Time Issues - Part 2                            ages middle to high schoolPodcast 44:  Screen Time Struggles                            how to deal with screen addictions with Emily Cherkin

There are so many pressures we face as parents but one of the most challenging can be managing our own parents when it comes to gifting to their grandkids.  It's enough to drive some of us crazy!In this episode we'll talk about the types of interference we might be dealing from our family values being over run to dealing with huge amounts of clutter that we have to organize not to how too many toys can interfere with creativity in our kids.  Take a listen to hear more possible issues.  What can you do? Start by having Family meetings with your parents and in-laws.  COMMUNICATE!  Set clear boundaries and offer ideas of what you'd like to see happen.  Be willing to compromise and, again, communicate with those you love.Ideas for gifts they can give:The gift of time from movie passes to tickets to museums or water parksLessons - music, art, karate, whatever!Donations to a college or savings fundCoupon Book made by the grandparents with fun events from sleep overs to paint your nailsLots of other ideas when you listen!Materials mentioned in the podcast about too many toys and kids:Psychology Today ArticleToday's Parent ArticleTRANSCRIPT

When you have a child who refuses to read or is delayed in their reading compared to their peers it can be a very stressful time for parents as we try to navigate the what-to-dos and the why-is this-happening-to-my-child thoughts that constantly run through our minds.  The same stress can hit us when our kids don't want to write and then again if they start falling into the “I hate school” mode which really tears us up.  Having learning differences can contribute heavily to this stressful time but knowing what to do and what resources you can employ in your home and in child's school environment can make a huge difference.  This is why I've interviewed Dr. Victoria Waller on this podcast, to provide you with ideas for getting to those resources that your child needs. She's recently released her book YES! Your Child Can: Creating Success for Children with Learning Differences in which she's poured her 40 years of experience working with and studying learning differences in children.  It's an invaluable resource and I want you to all know about it.  Take a listen to hear amazing ideas of how to creatively activate the passions of our kids to ignite their abilities to learn.  Also find out how to engage teachers and tutors to help leverage those passions to get your child onto a path of success. Here's a link to order the book:  YES!  Your Child CanIf you'd like to contact Dr. Waller:  Website

In this third installment of my manners series we discuss how to train your kids to chew their food with their mouths closed.  It can be a challenge but with some consistency, love and a bit of fun and games it's possible to move your kids into the social graces.  There are two books for younger kids that might come in handy:“How Dinosaurs Eat Their Food” by Jane Yolen“Dinner with Olivia” by Emily SollingerHere's a copy of the TRANSCRIPT on my website.Also,  feel free to email me with other questions -- mary@parentingdecoded.com.

When kids drain our energy by doing things that drive us crazy we need to respond in a loving and empathetic manner.  However,  when we're so tired of them doing things that drain us -- like whining, talking back, fighting with their siblings, or ignoring screen time limits -- we just don't know what to do.  In this podcast you'll learn not only how to recognize things that drain your energy but how to let your kids know and then ask them to do things for you that help replenish that energy.    Our kids to need to learn to recognize how their poor decisions to misbehave affect other people.  We want to raise kids who are respectful and responsible and this energy replacement can help do just that!Click here for a list of Energy Drain Replacement IdeasTRANSCRIPT HEREIf you have questions, email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com. 

What was Mary like as a parent?  In this special episode hear from Mary's two grown sons on what it was like growing up with Mary as a parent.  They talk about how natural consequences shaped them and how energy drains encouraged them to make better decisions among other topics.This episode was created at the request of Mary's Facebook Group, Parenting Decoded, who were curious about the long term impact of good, solid parenting techniques on children.  What better examples than Mary's boys who went from having a helicopter mom to a consultant mom when they were in middle school.  A big change!What grade did Mary get from her boys on her parenting skills?  Take a listen and hear it for yourself!

In this episode we learn how to get our kids to say “thank you” and how to help develop a general sense of appreciation for not only “things” but also training them in thankfulness which will help to promote an “attitude of gratitude”. Start Early Be ConsistentGive Praise for using Thank You Use Family Meetings to Set ExpectationsSet up Family Thanking EventsDinner time thank you routinesBedtime blessings routineThank you note practice for birthdays and holidaysMake it FUN!  We'll talk about a few ideas for setting up a "fancy dinner" so we can practice all our manners in a creative and fun way. Lastly,  we'll go over how important modeling good "thank you" practices can be in helping bring thankfulness in our homes.  TRANSCRIPT AVAILABLE HERE

We all want our kids to grow up being kind and courteous.  In this episode I talk with Teresa Ramirez, a motivational speaker and Kindness Koach.  Listen to lots of fun ideas on how to promote kindness inside and outside your home.  Here's some of the ideas we talk about!- Model it INSIDE your home Use Family Meetings to talk about how to be kind to each other Come up with a list of ideas from putting sweet notes in lunch boxes to doing surprise chores for some oneMake a meal for everyone, Give an extra long hug, pick some flowers for someonePlan a "date" with one of your family members including taking care of the plans and making all the food- Model it OUTSIDE your homeHelp neighbors, hold doors open, help someone with packages at a store, pick up garbage a a parkDo service projects together - help at a fundraiser,  work at a food pantry,Send letters or draw pictures to friends who are shut-in Visit a senior centerWrite fun and cheerful messages with sidewalk chalk outside your homeHave a lemonade stand to raise funds for a charity or causeTo get to Teresa's Facebook Page and order your FREE BUBBLES OF JOY!:  JOURNEY IN KINDNESS To read the full article from Happy Family Happy You:  38 ACTS OF KINDNESS

This is the first podcast in a series relating to getting our kids to learn manners which are fundamental to their becoming responsible, respectful adults.  Starting with Life Lessons early has the biggest impact but in this series of podcasts, whether you have a toddler or a teen, it's worth investing in their future through manners.Here are the basics of what's covered in this podcast:1 - Start young!  The earlier the better.  Using "baby sign language" if you have a very little one.  2- With Older Kids Set Family Rules around Manners.  Use a Family Meeting to talk about how important manners and and that you're going to start with focusing on the use of "please" in your home. 3 - Practice!  It takes lots and lots of practice to get your kids to use please but you need to do it OVER and OVER again.  When they don't ask with a "please" just ask them again.  4 - Expect more from older kids.  Once they have the basics of using "please" have them incorporate "may I please" instead of just "please can I have".5 - Role Play!  Enjoy some of the learning with your kids by setting up fun events that you can practice and exaggerate what you're doing.  Maybe a special candlelit dinner once a month?  Maybe a Game Night where you exaggerate asking for dice or cards using "please".6 - Model What you Want.  You as the adult are constantly watched by your kids.  Make sure you're using "please" appropriately.7 - Leverage the Please Request.  Your kids WANT something from you.  Use this as "currency" that is so valuable to them that they're willing to use "please" to get it.  Follow through with it even if they're sassy.  Don't get distracted if they are snarky!TRANSCRIPT AVAILABLE HEREEmail Mary at mary@parentingdecoded.com. Sign up for Mary's newsletter at: NEWSLETTER

In this episode I interview Liz Bayardelle author of Clean Your Plate! 13 Things that Good Parents Say that Ruin Kids' Lives.   This book covers all sorts of unintended consequences that good parents say regularly like Get Straight As, Don't Hit, Sit Still, Don't Be a Quitter and many more.   She goes into detail in all these areas and has wonderful ideas about how to combat our natural tendencies to push our kids in ways that might backfire.   We talk specifically about the impact of parents choosing to say GET STRAIGHT A'S often sends our kids looking for extrinsic motivators like money, extra computer time or other external rewards.  These rewards often work in the short run but can put a damper on intrinsic motivators that allow our children to own their own success.  In order for our kids to have their own internal motivations there are four key factors:Autonomy - this is where they "own" the ideas, doing things because they're invested in them and not doing them for other peopleCompetence - that kids believe they are capable of a skillRelatedness - kids are social and if they can see how what they are doing relates to other people they want to be with or emulate they can motivate themselves to push past the work at handPurpose - the task at hand relates to some other passion or goal they are trying to achieveBy encouraging a GROWTH MINDSET we can move away from nurturing kids who aren't fulfilling their potential to growing kids who WANT to achieve goals and move forward.  Get a copy of Liz's book here!CLEAN YOUR PLATE! 13 Things Good Parents Say That Ruin Kids' LivesAs always, email Mary at mary@parentingdecoded.com or join her Facebook Group: Parenting Decoded 2021 to hear from Mary more. 

Some of us struggle with trying to figure out if our kids are addicted to screens.  In this episode Emily Cherkin, The Screentime Consultant, and I discuss what causes screen addictions and what resources might help to determine if our kids are addicted.  We also go over different levels of intervention in overcoming screen issues in our homes.  Emily is launching a new course for parents that will help train parents week by week to get their arms around the issue.  With parenting practices and live one-on-one coaching and support from other parents you will be able to make changes to support new behaviors that will set a balance between screens and life.  The Screentime ConsultantWe also discuss resources for more extreme screen addictions.  Links to those resources are:RestartLife.com - Washington based treatment and therapy center to treat screen addiction.  Residential treatment program is available. Restart's link to their assessment quiz:  TAKE ADDICTION QUIZGameQuitters.com - Online resources for anyone who games but special courses for parents.  Links to therapy centers and therapists world-wide.If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me:  mary@parentingdecoded.com.

In this episode enjoy hearing from Emily Cherkin, The Screentime Consultant, as we talk about strategies to deal with kids and screen time use in our homes.  Emily works with families all the time to help put "tech intentional" ideas into homes.  Listen for ideas on how to set clear and reasonable limits in a way that can be integrated into your home, one step at a time. Emily can be found at:  https://thescreentimeconsultant.com/You can learn about her new course on Becoming a Tech-Intentional Parent. Emily has also generously offered to all our listeners access to her e-book resource for free!Mastering Screen TimeIf you have any questions feel free to contact me at mary@parentingdecoded.com

Siblings who hate each other is unfortunately all too common an issue for parents to ignore.  In this podcast we explore what a parent can do with their kids who aren't getting along, who are unbearably mean to each other.  Our kids fighting all the time can be:1 - draining for the ENTIRE family2 - full of opportunities to learn some life lessons about getting alongIn order to help stop the energy drain and actually learn those lessons that will help later in life we cover  three possible solutions to try:1 - Use FAMILY MEETINGS to help set boundaries and Family Rules of Respect2 - Set up SPECIAL TIME to make sure your parent connection is secure and each of the siblings feel listened to and heard.3 - Use LOVE LANGUAGES to help the entire family understand what motivates each person in a language that speaks to their inner being where love and acceptance is florishingThere are a few other resources mentioned in this podcast that can give you further examples and information:Episode #9: Sibling Rivalry - What to DoEpisode #10:  Punishment vs. Consequences: What's the Most Effective Discipline?Episode #17: Creating Calm with Family MeetingsEpisode #33: Loving Your Family Using Love LanguagesPint-Sized Treasure's article: “What to Do When Your Kids Hate Each Other” Mary's Energy Drain Idea ListTRANSCRIPT IN BLOG HEREIf you have questions,  please email me mary@parentingdecoded.com.

Setting limits for our kids can be such a challenge.  We set them, they ignore or break them.  Ugh!  In this episode learn how to set better boundaries that we can stick by so that our kids know that we mean what we say.Learn to say:1 - "AND WHAT DID I SAY"Using this phrase helps stop the whining and begging that gets so annoying that we often times give in just to quiet our kids down.2 - Set consequences for whining and complaining when our kids try to push our boundaries in directions we don't want them to go.  Use ENERGY DRAINs if you are wondering what to use.We review why our boundaries fail and what good boundaries look like:1. Clearly define the boundaries to our kids2. Make the boundaries positive3. Have consequences4. Be consistent5. Be reasonable6. Be calm and lovingHere are some useful links for you:EPISODE 20: Creating Calm with Boundaries and Limits (Transcript)EPISODE 20: Creating Calm with Boundaries and Limits (Podcast)ENERGY DRAIN IDEA LISTFor a full transcript of this podcast see my blog:TRANSCRIPTIf you have questions please email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.

In this podcast learn how to deal with disrespect in your home by teaching and modeling respect while keeping calm.  The truth is, disrespectful behavior is one of the inappropriate ways kids, especially teenagers but not limited to teens, try to solve their problems. Kids can feel powerless in the face of rules and expectations and talking back and showing disrespect is one way they try to take some power back. If they can drag you into an argument, that's even better: Now you're arguing about respect instead of focusing on their curfew or their homework or cleaning up their toys!Listen in on how to tame the disrespect monster:1. Avoid the Fight in the Moment 2. Use Family Meetings 3. Don't Take Everything Personally or Overreact4. Model respect5. Don't Take Our Child's Side6. Don't Demand Respect7. Respect Their Choices8. Use Restitution FULL TRANSCRIPT ON MARY'S BLOG

Life isn't fair it never has been.  How we deal with life is what matters.  In this episode learn how you can nurture an understanding of fairness in your child's life as well as ideas on how you can respond to unfairness.We want our kids to be able to:Let them know it's ok to express their emotions when life is unfairEncourage them to give praise to others when things aren't fairHelp them continue with life when things aren't fairHave them lead by Example, using grace and humility, when unfairness hits themSupport them learning from the opportunity when fairness happensFor a full transcript look here:  TRANSCRIPT

In this podcast I cover a few things.  First, what do bad teachers look like?  How do they behave? Next, what can you do about it as a parent and, lastly, what can your child do about making it through the year in once piece having learned what they need to. Three types of bad teachers:Fluffy - ones that are nice but don't teach the materialBoring - ones that put you to sleep they are so uninspiringMean - ones that yell and are just plain mean; they might have favorites in the class and spend all their time with them; they might get mad at kids who don't understandIn the podcast I go over a step-by-step approach on what to do.  Read the transcript listed below if you'd like more details. 1 - Wait and See while doing research2 - Communicate with the schoolStart with meeting the teacher and discussing the issuesIf needed, escalate to a combo meeting with the principal and the teacherIf your lone parent concerns aren't addressed then gather together a group of parents to go collectively to meet with the administration3 - Teach your child ways to cope with the bad teacherencourage them to approach the teacher and ask for helpaugment their learning in whatever way makes sense - online, tutors, study groupsbe there!  empathize! love them through itJulie Plagens at Mom Remade's article:  https://momremade.com/survive-bad-teacher/FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE

In this episode I talk with Dr. Weisinger about their approach of transforming harmful parental pressure into healthy pressure.    He has just released a new book with Dr. Christopher Thurber, The Unlikely Art of Parental Pressure: A Positive Approach to Pushing Your Child to Be Their Best Self. This book provides a roadmap for parents to engage in healthy pressure with our kids, ways that will help them grow and succeed instead of stifle and crush them.  We, as parents, often struggle with kids who we think aren't trying their hardest and we want to push harder.  We know they can do more.   It's a natural instinct to push but in today's world it seems like we can go too far and wind up doing more harm than good.  Send me an email at mary@parentingdecoded.com or join my Facebook Group, Parenting Decoded 2021.

Do you have a kid who is always seeking attention?  They are pulling on you, saying “Mommy, mommy, watch me!”  Or maybe they try to one up anyone just to make themselves look bigger or better than others.  Maybe they'll even make things up to do that?In this episode you'll learn why your kids are acting that way and how to bring new skills into the mix so you can work with them in a positive way so they go from annoying to adorable.  Take a listen!Send me email at mary@parentingdecoded.com if you have any questions!FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE

In this episode Mary interviews author Elaine Taylor-Kraus from ImpactParents about her new book: The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and MoreThis guide gives all parents a guide in how to best help their children overcome their challenges in healthy, loving and practical ways.  Whether or not you have a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, Asperger's, any other executive function issues or you're just worried that your child is out of step with their peers, please listen in for some great advice on how her book can help you in your journey. Personally, I think we all have complex kids and can learn from Elaine's wisdom.  She also discusses her parenting class that is a combination of online learning and coaching sessions called Sanity School that is a great compliment to her new book.  

In this episode learn how to get to the heart of your child and teach them how to apologize. Learn how to:1 - Wait till the emotion has passed2 - Brainstorm with your child to encourage ideas of how the apology can work for them3 - If their hearts won't melt then allow consequences of their poor decision to not apologize guide them to make better choices. Did your parents ever force you to apologize? Did it really make you feel sorry? I'm guessing that, like me, you probably just felt worse, felt embarrassed and it made you even more mad at whatever/whomever caused you to be rude in the first place. Apologies are really important, however; what we want is for the heart of our kid to change, to have them understand that their behavior was unacceptable and caused hurt in another human being.  In this podcast are some ideas that might be more effective at changing your child's heart instead of just forcing them through the motions of an insincere “I'm sorry.” See TRANSCRIPT HERE. 

In this episode we'll talk about how to get our older kids, teens and tweens, to experience the bigger picture stuff and expose them to some of the messiness of life in a loving, supportive environment where they might even mess up some.  Everything from chores they should know how to do on their own to handling money, cars and how to get a part time job.  I'll talk about planning vacations in addition to how to handle routine paperwork and cooking.  It's sort of a laundry list of items I think any parent should consider when training your kids for the future.   Here's a list of topics that are covered:LaundryCookingCleaning HouseYard workPaintingMoney Filling out formsGetting a part-time jobKeeping track of timeVacation planningCar driving, care and maintenanceSEE FULL TRANSCRIPT HEREIf you have questions, email Mary at mary@parentingdecoded.com.

Understanding how a person perceives love is essential for knowing how to communicate  love to them.  In this interview I'm so happy to have Bec and Holly who have a podcast called ILoveYouTooMuchToArgue  to explain what Love Languages are and how to use them in your family.  Five Love Languages are:Acts of ServiceGiftsWords of AffirmationPhysical TouchTake the free online quiz!Find Holly and Bec anywhere you listen to podcasts and you can contact them at iloveyoutoomuchtoargue@gmail.com or on their Instagram page - @ILoveYouTooMuchtoArguePodcast

In this podcast I interview Richard Carpriola an expert in addiction counseling with over 20 years of experience.  He's the author of The Addicted Child: A Parent's Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse.I found the book and talking with Richard really useful in learning about the different substances – marijuana, alcohol, vaping, inhalants and more, and what signs to look for in determining addiction and where to turn if you need help. Leave a review and let me know what you think!Leave me a review or email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.

Do you have kids who are always running to the car and saying: “I’m first!”?  Or maybe they argue over who mom or dad reads to first at night?  How about who gets to sit where at the dinner table?  Or who does dad pour the catsup on French fries first?  I know my boys would have a battle each time we got into an elevator over who gets to push the buttons.  It’s exhausting, isn’t it?  You might even say it “drains your energy” if you’re a Love and Logic parent.    In this podcast I want to help you turn that constant bickering into an opportunity for modeling cooperation and fairness.  You'll learn to use a problem solving method with your kids that allows everyone to have a say in how things that were once competitions can become fair and equitable situations.  You'll learn: Step 1 - how to set up a Family MeetingStep 2 - how to start the Family MeetingStep 3 - How to brainstorm ideas of what possible solutions there could beStep 4 - How to select which idea you'll experiment with firstStep 5 - Run the experimentStep 6 - Review the results and revise ideas for another round of experimentsStep 7 - Celebrate a win!By modeling these problem solving steps together as a family your children will learn that it's possible to come up with solutions and that the best solutions take time and effort to come to.  SEE FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE

Parents are often baffled by their kids not listening and totally ignoring them.  In this seminar which was taped during a Zoom presentation, parents learn that how we talk to our kids and when we talk to them has a huge impact on their ability to listen to us. In this talk you'll learn not only WHEN to communicate but about these techniques to be more impactful when you do:How to go "brain dead" when our kids are emotionalHow to use loving limits to state what you're willing to doHow giving choices can activate your kid's brain while sharing control about things you don't really mind sharingHow letting our kids solve their own problems instead of hovering and telling them what to do can allow our kids to feel supported and listened toIf you'd like to watch the YouTube video,  here's a link for that:  YouTube LinkIf you have questions, email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.

This is special podcast recording of a seminar at Prospect High School meant for all of you who are having a tough time communicating with your teens.  I also have a YouTube version from Evergreen High School that includes all my PowerPoint slides that you can find on my Parenting Decoded YouTube Channel.  Whether you prefer podcasts or YouTube I want get you as much help as I can in supporting your teen.  In this seminar I go over how we currently talk to our teens, what that might be communicating to them and finally ideas on how we can break through to our teens using good choices, setting loving limits, and allowing them to solve their own problems. I’ll show you how to come alongside your teen in a loving and empathetic way that allows them to own their lives and lets us be a helpful consultant instead of an interfering helicopter or drill sergeant.  YOUTUBE Communicating with TeensIf you have an organization who’d benefit from hearing this presentation either on Zoom or in person, please contact me.  I’d love to reach more folks and it’s seminars like these that seem to reach the most parents.  If you have questions, please contact me at mary@parentingdecoded.com. 

In this episode I interview Bianca D'Agostino. She's a family and child therapist in Ottowa Canada who has lots of experience help families with issues around anxiety.Here's the link to Bianca's helpful graphic on the different levels of anxiety:ANXIETY GRAPHICBianca's contact info and professional information:BIANCA D'GOSTINO

This is the audio version of my online seminar which is also available on my YouTube Channel, Parenting Decoded. There is also a YouTube link to this seminar if you'd like to see all the slides that go along with this presentation. YouTube LINK In this expanded conversation we go over tips to handle our anger that is triggered by our children and family situations. The most important of these is setting up a RELATIONSHIP SAFETY TEAM. #1 - YOU#2 - Your Spouse or Partner#3 - Your ChildrenIn each area we talk about how to use the Team Members to optimize communication in our homes. It is good COMMUNICATION that will make all the difference in your homes. Each Team Member can help make this happen.#1 - YOUStart to recognize when your anger is coming on and how to stay out of Fight or Flight mode.Use Brain Dead so you DON'T engage when kids are annoyingSeparate if you have toLearn a few mindfulness techniques or get mindfulness apps on your phoneIf you really can't get your anger under control, consider seeking professional help#2 - Your Spouse or PartnerDevelop verbal signals to help signal that you are needing help with angerDevelop non-verbal signals as well by using physical queues or touchHelp set up Calm Down options Make sure each partner has "Me Time" to recharge#3 - Your ChildrenSet up verbal and non-verbal signals for your kids to use with youHold regular FAMILY MEETINGS to discuss sensitive topicsModel problem solving skills to show how communication about things that bother us helps to keep anger and resentment under controlUse other techniques to prevent anger triggers from happening:Setting Loving Limits - set up what YOU will do for your kids in a loving and positive mannerChoices - use them A LOT!!! Give our kids as much control over things you don't care aboutProblem Solving - let kids make mistakes with love and empathyBOTTOMLINE: Communication is going to make a HUGE difference in your parenting journey. Email me mary@parentingdecoded.com if you have questions!

26: Lying, Cheating, and StealingMany parents get very upset when they catch their children lying, stealing, or cheating. We all hate the feeling of betrayal, being lied to, or cheated. But we all lie for lots of reasons. Sometimes to cover up bad behaviours. Other times, we do it out of fear because we want to spare ourselves of punishment or avoid sanctions.The same goes with our young ones. But one thing is certain, it’s often not as intentional as we adults think and do.Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, your child keeps on lying? Why do they do it? How can you encourage your children to tell the truth?Join me in this episode as I go into detail about why our children lie as well as the strategies you can use to address lying! What you will learn in this episode:Why lying bugs us so much?Why do kids lie and why does it come so easily to them?The different categories of lying and where your child might fit intoThe 3 main goals for parents when dealing with lyingTeaching your kids how to apologize from the heartHow to teach and help your kids learn from their mistakesAge-based ideas on dealing with lyingEarning back your child’s trustHow to encourage honestyCommunication will always be key in a loving relationshipResources Mentioned:How to Handle Your Child’s Dishonesty by Child-Psych.orgWhy Kids Lie from ChildMind.org by ChildMind.orgCheese Pizza Idea from Natasha at ReadingIsBetterThanChocolate.comLying Guide By Age from Parents.comHonor Code Ideas by ReadBrightly.comFavorite Picture Books on Honesty from ChildrensLitLove.comHow To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and MazlishShare this episode with a friend! Please email your questions to mary@parentingdecoded.com or join my Facebook Group for more chatter on parenting topics.Join the FREE Lecture on Anger Management for Parents this Thursday, February 25, 2021 8-9pm SIGN UP HERETRANSCRIPT OF ENTIRE PODCAST

Tantrums continue to be a huge problem for parents. Take a listen to this one hour Zoom seminar Mary did with a live audience with lots of practical advice on how to get a handle on tantrums in your home. Learn about:Why tantrums happenWhat to do while the tantrum is happeningWhat to do AFTER the tantrum is overHow to avoid tantrums in the futureIf you'd like to see the full video with slides go to the Parenting Decoded YouTube channel:WATCH VIDEO HEREMood Chart:LINK TO MOOD CHART

It’s very difficult as a parent to see our kids struggle either academically or socially. For some of us we feel that our kid is the only one struggling and we have no idea where to turn to. In this podcast I interview Lexie Burnes of NeuroPlay Academics for information about how and when you might look to get your child tested if you suspect something is not quite right. I don't have a transcript yet but here's a link to Lexie's website:http://www.neuroplaybraintraining.com/

Holidays and gift giving can bring about so much stress to families who are sucked into the commercialism of our current situation. In this podcast I want to give you all some hints about making gift giving a more heartfelt experience not only from you as the giver but also how to create an attitude of gratitude in our kids who are receiving those gifts. I’ll also go over some ideas about how to handle sibling-to-sibling giving as well as extended family situations which can easily get messy. I’m recording this in the holiday season, but it really applies to gifting at birthdays, graduations or any other type of event. The article from Happy You, Happy Family that I talk about in this podcast can be found here:GIFT IDEAS from Happy You, Happy FamilyTRANSCRIPT OF ENTIRE EPISODE

Kids are self-centered from the get-go, no doubt about it. We have to teach them to be grateful for all that they have, all that we give them. But, how on earth do we do that when there's so much taking and so little giving going on around us? First, I want to talk about entitlement – what it is and how it can grow out of control. Then I’ll go over ideas on how to nurture an attitude of gratitude in your home.Beware of these entitlement issues in your home:1. Giving instant gratification2. Rewards are expected­3. Boundaries are not respected4. Life is supposed to be “Fair”5. Providing constant entertainmentTry some of these ideas on how to grow an attitude of gratitude instead: Stop complainingReframe things in the positive Teach delayed gratificationTeach the value of hard workSet healthy boundaries and say NOTeach kids about moneyDo a charity projectExpand your family's cultural experiencesPractice acts of kindnessUse gratitude in your daily conversationsDon't give rewards all the timeLimit giftsDonateWrite Thank You NotesVIEW FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE

Are you having trouble deciding whether to give in to your child's request to quit an activity? Feeling like you might be raising a kid to be a quitter if you do ? Take a listen to help you navigate this touchy subject!It seems that many parents have to cross the threshold of their child wanting to quit an activity. It could be piano, basketball, soccer, violin, clarinet, tutoring, gymnastics, karate, whatever. Sometimes it's just private lessons that only impact your child. Other times, quitting impacts a whole a team which adds a dimension of guilt either by your child or maybe you especially if you’re the coach and your child no longer wants to play. In this podcast we’re going to talk about things to consider when running up against this issue in your own home then we will go over some real-life situations to make all a little more real. I just want to start out saying that the reason this is so tough is because there IS NO RIGHT ANSWER. Yep, you really have to take lots of things into consideration, it's not a one-stop-shop. TRANSCRIPT OF EPISODE