Podcasts about overparenting

Has your athlete suddenly developed a fear of a skill they've done a hundred times before? You know they can do it physically, but something's holding them back… and no matter what you try, nothing seems to help.In this week's PerformHappy podcast episode, I'm diving into three hidden warning signs that you, as a well-meaning parent, might accidentally be keeping your athlete stuck in fear. Maybe you've tried everything: encouragement, time off, stepping back, even considering a new sport, but they're still shutting down.This isn't about blame. It's about awareness.Because here's the good news: the way you show up can make a difference. In fact, when you shift your approach, you can have a profound impact on their confidence and ability to overcome fear.Tune in now to find out if you're part of the problem or the solution and how to make that shift.In this episode, Coach Rebecca talks about:Warning Signs of Overparenting in Athletes The Impact of Parental Pressure on Athletes.Dealing with Parental Impatience.Navigating Parental Concerns and Emotional Regulation.The Mental Block Breakthrough Method.“To overcome mental blocks, you need trust, not motivation.” - Rebecca SmithLearn exactly what to say and do to guide your athlete through a mental block with my new book "Parenting Through Mental Blocks" Order your copy today: https://a.co/d/g990BurFollow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/complete_performance/ Join my FaceBook page: https://www.facebook.com/completeperformancecoaching/ Check out my website: https://completeperformancecoaching.com/Write to me! Email: rebecca@completeperformancecoaching.comReady to help your athlete overcome fears and mental blocks while gaining unstoppable confidence? Discover the transformative power of PerformHappy now. If your athlete is struggling or feeling left behind, it's time for a change. Are you ready? For more info and to sign up: PerformHappy.com

André, The Impulsive Thinker™, reflects on his chat with Vivian Glyck, founder of Just Like My Child Foundation and creator of Project Grit, to tackle the tough realities of supporting adolescents through mental health struggles. In this episode, you'll hear about Vivian's honest experiences as a parent and caretaker — how overparenting can get in the way of growth, why boundaries matter, and the invisible toll mental health takes on families. They also challenge common misconceptions and building resilience in neurodivergent kids. If you're an ADHD Entrepreneur navigating mental health — yours or a loved one's — this episode's loaded with perspective and practical insight.  

Is it possible that giving our kids more freedom might actually help them thrive? In this powerful episode of The Fresh Start Family Show, Wendy welcomes Lenore Skenazy—author, speaker, and founder of Let Grow—to explore the surprising connection between independence and mental wellness in kids. Together, they unpack how our culture's obsession with safety and control is fueling anxiety, and how simple acts of trust—like letting kids walk to the store or ride a bike alone—can be the very antidote our families need. Lenore shares the story that launched her into the national spotlight as “America's Worst Mom” (spoiler: she's anything but), along with decades of insight from research partners like Dr. Peter Gray and Jonathan Haidt. With warmth and humor, she offers actionable ideas and free Let Grow resources to help parents reclaim their confidence and raise capable, resilient kids. This is an inspiring, perspective-shifting episode for every parent ready to let go… and let grow. For links & more info about everything discussed in this episode, head to www.freshstartfamilyonline.com/274. Grab my FREE Quick Start Learning Bundle & discover 3 secrets to empower, connect, and build true collaboration with your strong-willed child! Head to ⁠https://freshstartfamilyonline.com/power⁠ Contest Time! ⁠Enter our YouTube Contest ⁠here and one one lucky family will win a package value of over $550! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Scopri cos'è l'overparenting, perché può ostacolare l'autonomia dei figli e quali sono i segnali da non sottovalutare.

Send us a textIn today's episode, we dive into the science of overparenting and explore what research says about its impact on children's mental health. I break down a recent meta-analysis that shows how overparenting is linked to higher levels of depression, anxiety, and emotional struggles in kids and young adults. We also explore Self-Determination Theory—the idea that kids need autonomy, competence, and connection to thrive—and how overparenting can unintentionally block these critical needs. I'll help you reflect on what overparenting might look like at home, with real-life examples for younger and older kids. Tune in to find out if you might be leaning into helicopter parenting and how you can support your child's independence, resilience, and confidence instead.Sources:Overparenting and offspring depression, anxiety, and internalizing symptoms: A meta-analysisRead the blog on curiousneuron.comhttps://curiousneuron.com/2025/04/25/are-you-overparenting-what-the-science-says-about-its-impact-on-kids-mental-health/Watch on YouTube:https://youtu.be/vnNUmfN-J_gSearch for a past podcast episode or guest: https://curiousneuron.com/podcast/ Want to join The Reflective Parent Club? If you are ready to learn healthy emotional coping skills and to get support on. how to teach your child these skills, join below or book a call with me below: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/ Book a call with me:https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/intro-chat-for-1-1-coaching FREE WORKBOOK: Why do I feel triggered by my child's emotions and behaviours? https://tremendous-hustler-7333.kit.com/f9fd208c09 FREE ACTIVITY FOR KIDS: Help! My emotions are confusing to me! https://tremendous-hustler-7333.kit.com/c6701d059a Please leave a rating for our podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Email me at info@curiousneuron.com and I will send you our most popular guide called Meltdown Mountain.Join me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/curious_neuron/Join our Facebook group called Reflective Parenting:...

In this episode of My Simplified Life, host Michelle Glogovac speaks with Dr. Damon Korb, a developmental and behavioral pediatrician, about his book Raising an Organized Child. They discuss the importance of instilling organizational skills in children, the role of parents in modeling these behaviors, and practical steps to help children become more organized and independent. The conversation covers various topics including the significance of routines, recognizing individual learning styles, and the benefits of chores in fostering independence and reducing anxiety in children. What We're Talking About An organized child is not just about tidiness but a way of thinking. Parents must model organizational skills to teach their children effectively. It's never too late to start teaching organization, but earlier is better. Children thrive on structure and routine from infancy. Recognizing individual learning styles is crucial for effective teaching. Encouraging independence helps children learn to solve their own problems. Chores contribute to children's confidence and reduce anxiety. Gradual independence in tasks prepares children for adulthood. Electronics use should be balanced with responsibilities. Resources like books and websites can aid in teaching organizational skills. Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Background 07:05 Starting Early: The Role of Infancy 12:18 Learning Styles and Self-Advocacy 18:09 The Dangers of Overparenting 23:42 Navigating College Preparation 29:57 Introduction to Parenting Challenges 30:26 Insights from Dr. Korb on Raising Kids Links Mentioned Dr. Damon Korb's Website www.devminds.com Raising An Organized Child by Dr. Damon Korb www.raisinganorganizedchild.com Organized Students Website www.organizedstudents.com Organized Child on Instagram https://instagram.com/organizedchild Organized Child on Facebook https://facebook.com/raisinganorganizedchild Organized Child on Threads ​    

Are you struggling to guide your teen through the ups and downs of adolescence? Do you wish they could be more confident, resilient, and self-motivated in facing life's challenges? In this episode of Power Your Parenting – Moms with Teens, host Colleen O'Grady sits down with Dr. Ran Anbar, author of The Life Guide for Teens: Harnessing Your Inner Power to Be Healthy, Happy, and Confident. Dr. Anbar shares practical strategies to help teens take control of their emotions, shift their mindset, and build resilience. Through years of counseling thousands of adolescents, he's discovered that small changes—like the words teens use, their ability to visualize success, and how they manage fear—can lead to profound growth. He also discusses the impact of sleep, social media, and self-talk on teen well-being, offering parents tools to support their children in developing independence and emotional strength. Ran D. Anbar, MD, FAAP, is board certified in both pediatric pulmonology and general pediatrics. He offers counseling and hypnosis services at Center Point Medicine in La Jolla, California, and in Syracuse, New York. Dr. Anbar is the author of the acclaimed Changing Children's Lives with Hypnosis: A Journey to the Center (Rowman & Littlefield, 2021), as well as a regular columnist for Psychology Today Online. Dr. Anbar is the founder of Center Point Medicine, serving the mission of making mental health care more accessible for children. Here are three key takeaways from the conversation: First, the words we use—both as parents and teens—shape our reality. Encouraging positive language and shifting from “I can't” to “I will” can transform confidence and motivation. Second, learning to manage emotions and fears is a crucial skill. Rather than dismissing fears, parents can help their teens face them with imaginative solutions, empowering them to handle stress more effectively. Lastly, giving teens space to make mistakes is essential. Overparenting, whether through micromanaging or bulldozing obstacles, can hinder their ability to navigate life's challenges. Instead, parents should transition from being enforcers to supporters, allowing teens to develop problem-solving skills that will serve them well into adulthood. Learn more at: https://www.centerpointmedicine.com/ Follow on https://www.linkedin.com/in/ran-anbar-246b1829/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

American Enterprise Institute Senior Fellow Timothy Carney challenges modern parenting strategies that prioritize over-scheduling, intense academic pressure, and material success. Drawing from years of research and his own experience as a father of six, Carney reveals how the relentless drive for perfection is harming both parents and children, is leading to skyrocketing rates of anxiety and depression, and how parents, policymakers, and believers, should respond.Support the show

This week's episode is packed with insights and practical advice for navigating the complexities of parenting during the middle school years. I'm joined by Courtney DeFeo, and together we dive into balancing love, independence, and the continuous learning process of parenting.Here are four key takeaways from this episode:Parenting evolves as children grow, and middle school years often require creative ways to re-engage with your kids.  Allowing children to experience failure helps them develop responsibility and confidence.  Overparenting can hinder independence—parents should guide their children through problems, not shield them from them.  Self-care for parents is crucial to maintaining balance and avoiding guilt in the parenting journey.  Courtney DeFeo is the host of the Pardon the Mess podcast here on the Christian Parenting Podcast Network where she encourages parents every week to be the imperfectly perfect parent God created them to be. She is also an author, speaker, and advocate for empowering parents to create lasting family connections. With her relatable approach and passion for practical parenting, Courtney inspires families to navigate challenges with grace and joy. We had a ton of fun recording this episode and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!(01:57) Navigating Parenting Stages(06:10) Engaging with Middle Schoolers(10:07) The Balance of Hovering and Letting Go(13:57) Preparing for Independence(18:02) Overparenting: Understanding the Roots(21:06) Navigating the Challenges of Letting Go in Parenting(24:35) The Importance of Self-Care and Mom Guilt(26:54) Recognizing Red Flags in Parenting Dynamics(28:54) Practical Strategies to Avoid Over-Parenting(31:37) Embracing Independence and Building Confidence in Kids(34:49) The Balance of Love and Guidance in ParentingConnect with CourtneyPardon the Mess podcastPardon the Mess InstagramCourtney's Instagram Courtney's websiteResources MentionedWhat's In Mommy's Tummy?Family Meeting GuideIn This House We Will GiggleThe Christian Parenting Podcast is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.orgOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In questo episodio partiamo da una recentissima ricerca pubblicata lo scorso 21/11/24 sulla rivista "Child development" per riflettere su come riconoscere grandi opportunità di apprendimento nelle attività di routine quotidiane (e non solo) possa fare una importante differenza nella crescita di bambini e bambine. Per approfondire con la ricerca clicca qui

Health counselor and therapist Colette Fehr joins Master-Certified Coach Melissa Wiggins in the 3rd episode of this season.Colette walks us through five questions to ask ourselves to find out if we are overparenting.Did you love this episode? Let us know what other topics you'd like to hear Colette and Melissa explore or questions we could address. Email: melissa@melissawiggins.lifeRemember, you can change your life one question at a time. Let's get started today.Follow Colette on IG @colettejanefehrFollow Melissa on IG @coachmummabear_ Get your copy of Melissa's bestselling book, UnFollow: Question Everything with Excitement, and download the FREE WORKBOOK!Curious about Group Coaching? Check out One.Life today!Remember to leave an honest review and subscribe to "UnFollow: Question Everything with Melissa Wiggins."

Gary Tanguay filled in on NightSide:You may be surprised that you are! We all want our kids to grow up comfortable and safe, but those actions can lead to anxiety and stress in our children. Licensed Professional Counselor Michelle Dean chatted with Gary about what exactly constitutes "overparenting."

Is there an epidemic of overparenting? And if so, where does it come from?  Is it parenting from a place of fear, from a place of information overload, from the anxiety that is all around us, the drive to make our children perfect or is it from the frustration of trying to raise a child who doesn't do what you want them to do?  In this third and final session with Pedro and Claudia, Leslie explores these questions.  Pedro and Claudia want to be the best parents they can be to their 16 year old son LIam, but are overparenting and doing too much undermining their efforts? Leslie turns her attention to the “overparenting problem” that's shaping the next generation, and leaving them with lasting consequences. Together Leslie, Pedro, and Claudia discuss how to pivot from being “nagging” parents, to “chill” ones, and how to do that while still instilling your child with your core values and healthy limits.Time Stamps3:10 The impact of “less is more” motto on the parent-child relationship (yes we are well aware of the reversal in the podcast where by Pedro and Leslie said “more is less”5:15  Parenting is forgiving8:43 Three ways to change your behavior as a parent9:29  Shift from “I can't do this” to “I will feel so much better if I do this”9:46 Get some support from partner who give you reminders and help out with the change10:35 Permission-giving. Getting the okay from someone else, someone you trust14:25/16:39 The benefits of being a bit more “CHILL”  14:52 Finding the balance - the middle path of parenting (see the video in the show notes)17:25 Overparenting as result of parenting from a place of fear19:40 The myth of the parenting “deadline”21:25 The metaphor of a plant growing and the space it needs (see video below)24:04 Understanding who your child is to is in order to build a foundation for themBiological make upSocial environment29:43 Parents have the privilege of seeing every side of their child30:29 We want to send the message that a child is a whole person, and that includes the good the bad and the ugly35:16 What are you missing? What is your child's perspective? Parents often skip this step36:50 How would you validate your child (clue to finding their perspective)39:07 Reframing from “my child is taking the easy way out” and “manipulating” to “he's doing what works”44:14 Have faith that your child will be able to solve their own problems as they grow as adults44:39 We don't want our children to be afraid of growing up - what can parents do about this?Show Note Links:Leslie's Video: Plants Need Space and So Do Kids Leslie's Video: Stop Repeating YourselfHandout on Parenting Dilemmas from DBTLeslie's Video: Walking the Middle Path to Balance the DilemmasLeslie-ism: Beware of Overparenting. Remember Less is More!For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie's work on Facebook,  Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.Credits:

In this week's episode, I welcome Ashley Radzat to the Life Check Yourself studio.Ashley is a seasoned educator and certified life coach from The World Coaching Institute (WCI). She has dedicated over 20 years to helping parents and teens navigate this critical stage of life. We dive deep into the challenges and complexities of parenting teenagers in today's fast-paced world. Together, we explore the unique pressures facing today's teenagers and how parents can effectively support their development while fostering independence.   The Impact of Over-Parenting on Teenagers The Role of Technology and Social Media in Teen Development Strategies for Empowering Teens to Face Real-World Challenges   The Impact of Over-Parenting on Teenagers [00:05:30]  Over-parenting can unintentionally send a message to teens that they are not capable of handling life's challenges, which can lead to anxiety and dependency. "The pendulum always swings from one generation to the next...we're overcompensating for the fear of what if my child isn't good enough." The Role of Technology and Social Media in Teen Development [00:20:15]  Teens today are more connected yet more isolated than ever due to the overwhelming amount of information and the pressures of social media. "Teens are supposed to be very social...but the feedback they're getting is that nobody really goes out there and has social experiences." Strategies for Empowering Teens to Face Real-World Challenges [00:35:45]  Encouraging healthy risk-taking and providing opportunities for independence are crucial for building teens' confidence and resilience. "We have to realize that our job is not to be our child's friend...our job is to help them practice for the real world."   Make a Connection: 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download* How to Eliminate Burnout: How to use the Radical Living Blueprint to Reinvent Your Life Ready To Take Control Of Your Life?  Book A Call With Us Change Begins with a Seed- Radzat Consulting Foundations of Teen Success: 6-Week Program Parenting SOS: Quick Support Session for Every Stage Family Harmony Mastery: 12-Week Consulting Program

Anxiety attacks are not something we ever want to see our kids suffer through, especially if as parents we suffer them as well. In her second session with Pedro and Claudia, Leslie explores panic attacks and how they might differ from parent and child. The session also takes a turn towards the idea of “having the last word,” and what negative things are being reinforced when you continue to have this power struggle with your child. Time Stamps4:58 How panic attacks affect the whole family in different and unique waysSymptoms of panic attacks in a child vs parentThe hangover of the panic attackThe role of a person whose partner is suffering a panic attack10:22 The difference between guilt and shame12:23 Feelings come and feelings go 13:13 Definition of panic attack.15:18 Self talk skills help you when having a panic attack. Use these phrases:“I am safe. I am capable.”“Feelings come and feelings go”  “This too shall pass”17:00 Understand the cause of panic attacks 17:13 Develop skills before during and after panic attacks 19:23 Sympathetic versus parasympathetic nervous system 20:48 T.I.P.P.Skills to use to calm down the nervous system: The divers reflex SkillIntense exercise SkillPaced breathing Skill27:35 Finding the middle path between acceptance and change —28:45 When parents practice doing less as an antidote to overparenting32:12 Kids and parents who want the last word - a power struggle32:20 Discuss the skills you are using with your child and even with the school so everyone is on the same page35:00 When having the last word works36:22 Why parents engage in the power struggle of wanting the last word38:12 Have faith that what you say “registers somewhere”39:30 Parents have to remember that you don't have to prove your own sense of personal authority without getting the last word40:10 Reframing where the control lies. You want to have control over your own emotions40:38 Overparenting is a strategy when parents are being controlled by their fearsShow Note Links:NIH Research Article on Panic Disorder and Best PracticesTIPP Skills including a Video of Divers reflex skillLeslie Demonstrates How to use the Diver Reflex Skill on VideoNew York Times Article about Inside Out 2Leslie-ism: When you feel panic coming on, tell yourself, “I am safe and I am capable”.For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie's work on Facebook,  Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and

In today's episode, we dive into a topic that hits close to home for many of us – overparenting. Are you the kind of parent who tends to hover, or maybe even bulldoze obstacles out of your child's way? Join us as we discuss the various forms overparenting can take, its root causes, and most importantly, how it impacts the mental and emotional well-being of our kids. We share personal anecdotes, clinical insights, and practical advice to help you strike the right balance between being supportive and overbearing.We also explore the broader implications of overparenting on societal norms and individual development, touching on how this trend affects not just kids but entire family dynamics. If you've ever found yourself questioning your parenting style or the cultural pressures driving you to be overly involved, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in and discover how to foster independence and resilience in your children without stepping over the line. Episode Highlights:[1:04] - Discussing the prevalence of overparenting and its impact on mental health.[2:19] - Different forms of overparenting and their origins in fear and protectiveness.[3:34] - The impact of special needs on parenting styles and the unique challenges it presents.[5:02] - Modern societal fears and their contribution to overparenting.[6:36] - Real-life examples of extreme overparenting and its consequences.[9:11] - The concept of "lawn mower parenting" and why it's detrimental.[11:02] - Enmeshment and the importance of allowing children to develop their own identities.[12:58] - Personal stories of the struggles and benefits of letting children face challenges.[16:55] - The importance of failure in learning and development.[18:06] - Balancing support with independence, especially for young adults.[19:27] - Strategies for parents to avoid overparenting and promote resilience.[21:45] - Addressing social pressures and the fear of judgment from others.[23:52] - Encouragement for parents to give their children space and the benefits it brings.[24:58] - The importance of frustration tolerance and resilience in children.[26:42] - Final thoughts on being supportive without overparenting. Resources:Dr. Becky Kennedy's Book: Good Inside and Podcast: Good InsideDr. Shefali Tsabary's Book: The Conscious ParentDr. Daniel Amen's Book: Raising Mentally Strong KidsFor more on this topic visit our website insightsfromthecouch.org If you have questions please email us at info@insightsfromthecouch.org we would love to hear from you!If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue 

Is "helicopter parenting" actually a definable thing? Or is it just what we call parents who are being annoying? Overparenting is something that it's easy to be judgey about in other people, and a lot harder to identify in ourselves. Parents have to help. It's what we're there for. So how do we manage without micromanaging? In this episode, we discuss: The conditions that trigger parental anxiety (probably the true cause of overattentive parenting) Allowing struggles and disappointments to be part of our kids' journeys How to discern for yourself if you're maybe helicoptering more than helping Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kate Bayless for Parents Magazine: "What Is Helicopter Parenting, And How Does It Impact Kids?" Julia Schønning Vigdal and Kolbjørn Kallesten Brønnick for Frontiers in Psychology: "A Systematic Review of “Helicopter Parenting” and Its Relationship With Anxiety and Depression" Our Fresh Take with Camilo Ortiz What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can't wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid's behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, helicopter parent, snowplow parent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Parliamo di Overparenting, quel fenomeno che vede i genitori contemporanei essere estremamente presenti nella vita dei figli, dal controllo della vita scolastica a quello sugli spostamenti e il tempo libero. Un'attitudine dell'essere genitori molto favorita dallo sviluppo tecnologico, con strumenti come il registro di classe elettronico, le chat dei genitori e  le app di geolocalizzazione.Bibliografia:Genitori over - Rivista StudioGenerazione ansia – Rivista StudioEnd the Phone-Based Childhood Now - The AtlanticMamma è uscita dal gruppo - Rivista StudioSpumante, giori e video per l'orale della maturità. I genitori esagerano con i festeggiamenti? – La Stampa

Welcome to episode 223. Do you rush to fix your child's mistakes, shielding them from failure?  Many moms do!  Maybe it's a forgotten homework assignment or a missed deadline.  This episode is your guide! New York Times bestselling author Jessica Lahey shares a relatable story of when she had to decide: intervene and save her daughter, or let her face the consequences of forgetting homework.  In this episode, you'll learn: •    How Jessica handled the homework situation (and the surprising lesson her daughter took away!) •    The #1 thing moms can do to avoid over-parenting or under-parenting •    How to create situations where your child feels empowered to solve their own problems •    Techniques to raise a confident, capable child who embraces challenges •    Empower your child, not enable them!  Listen to this episode now! This podcast is perfect for you if: •    You want your child to learn from mistakes and build resilience. •    You're worried you might be preventing your child from developing independence. •    You crave tips on raising a strong, capable adult. •    Don't miss out on these valuable strategies! Tune in today! Love this episode? Let's connect: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/ This episode is brought to you by Fertile Imagination: A Guide for Stretching Every Mom's Superpower for Maximum Impact Feeling Lost and Uninspired as a Mom? Reignite Your Spark Today! Do you long to rediscover the things that truly light you up as a mom? Feeling stuck in the daily grind can leave even the most passionate moms feeling drained and uninspired. But what if you could recapture that spark, that creative energy that makes you, you? Fertile Imagination is your guide to unlocking your inner powerhouse. This #1 Amazon bestseller, written by a mom who's been there, will help you: •    Uncover your hidden passions and talents. •    Develop a clear vision for your future as a mom and an individual. •    Learn powerful strategies to overcome overwhelm and rediscover your joy. Stop feeling like you're just going through the motions. Light a fire under your dreams and become the best version of yourself for your family! Visit Melissa Llarena: https://www.melissallarena.com/fertileideas/ right now and grab a FREE chapter of Fertile Imagination! Don't wait! Your most inspired and fulfilling life as a mom is waiting to be discovered. On the same website, we also have a limited-time offer for mom entrepreneurs who want to speak to the right people and catapult their business success in 30 days or less! Not sure how to go first in networking, or perhaps what to say in a follow-up? Answers to these strategic networking questions are addressed in a free resource that has helped me and my clients talk to the right people in way less time than it would take using traditional networking methods! Download my FREE playbook, "From Contact to Connection," and learn: •    Easy steps to find the right contacts and reach out confidently. •    Unconventional follow-up tips to stand out and build relationships. •    Templates to personalize your outreach for maximum impact. Stop feeling lost and reignite your spark! Download your free playbook now and watch your business thrive. Click here: https://www.melissallarena.com/fertileideas/ Limited time offer! Official bio for Jessica Lahey  Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jess was awarded the Research Society on Alcohol's Media Award for “outstanding journalistic efforts of writers who cover empirical research on alcohol” […] “for her book The Addiction Inoculation and advocacy for the recovery community.” Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at the New York Times. She designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee. Jess holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont. Links to connect with Jessica Lahey •    https://jessicalahey.com •    https://www.instagram.com/teacherlahey/ •    https://www.facebook.com/jessicapottslahey/ TRANSCRIPT Enjoy the conversation. Jessica Lahey. Thank you so much. And welcome to unimaginable wellness. I am thrilled to have you here. How are you?  I am great looking out on a snowy Vermont woods through my office windows.   Oh, New England. I remember,  New Hampshire and I got a big, thick coat that was for the Arctic weather.  Sounds about right. Yeah, that's about right. And that started at the end of October. So that's, that was always interesting, but yeah. Thank you so much for being here. And why don't you share with listeners a little bit about you, your book, your wisdom, and then we will jump into something that listeners definitely need help with, which is our mental bandwidth. So take it away, Jessica.   Thank you. So I was a teacher for 20 years. I've taught every grade from sixth to 12th grade, but my heart, I have to admit, lies in middle school. I love, love, love teaching middle school. I also taught for five years in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents. So I've sort of taught in hoity toity private schools and in public schools and all across the, the range. And about the same time that I was teaching middle school, I had kids in middle school and I was Finding that  a lot. And I was also at the, at the same time writing, I was a education journalist. So I, as a teacher and as a parent, I was really interested in how kids learn, how to create a situation, a home, a home life that sort of got kids excited about. Inquiry and curiosity and all that sort of stuff. And at the same time, sort of battling my demons of how much do I step in and help with my kids? And how much do I step back and encourage them to be independent? And then saw my students,  a lot of my students parents were doing things that were sort of doing an end run around a lot of learning opportunities. And that was getting frustrating to me. And so I was on kind of a high horse about that and, and sort of, Just irritated with some of the parents of my students, which is really bad, like the better the homeschool relationship is the better kids learn. We know that. But then the journalist side of me, I was writing for the Atlantic and the New York Times and eventually started writing a column for the New York Times called the Parent Teacher Conference, which was a biweekly column sort of for the Parents wanting to ask questions about education and teachers wanting to ask questions about sort of the, it was at the intersection of education and parenting. And so my brain was constantly thinking of what is the impact of this learning environment or this parenting thing. And, you know, what I was sort of seeing was that some aspects of over parenting, whether it's highly directive parenting or controlling parenting, were  undermining. Learning in many respects, but I wasn't really clear on how that was happening or even if that was happening. And so the journalist in me got to go out and research that for like two years, and then write a book about what I found in terms of how parenting styles affect learning, motivation, engagement, all that kind of stuff. And, and then I had to get real about my own parenting. Cause it turns out I was doing the same thing. To my own kids  that I was irritated for the parents of my students were doing. So it became something I had to look at both as a parent and a teacher. And it became personal for me, which was where I had to be quite humbled to take a deep breath and look at my own, my own,  my own habits and what I was doing to my own kids.  I love how you brought both sides of the same coin together, just like being part of the experiment and then also like trying to figure out what's going on in this experiment, like, are we too involved? Are we not? Well, no, we are definitely not not involved. But it's it's just interesting how then you had to almost take your own medicine in a way. Yeah, I appreciate it. Like I said,  Humbling, especially since, well, so much of what I write about, I mean, the gift of failure was my first book and it was very much about the impact of parenting styles over parenting, directive parenting and autonomy, the alternate, the alternative autonomy, supportive parenting and what that does to kids ability to learn and their motivation and stuff like that. And that's based on research that's out there in the field. And then my second book. Was about my coming to terms of the fact that I am an alcoholic and getting control of my own drinking, not really getting control of it, but not drinking anymore, and then having to think about, okay, well, what has the impact been on my children and what will the intact impact continue to be on my children in terms of their own risks? So I have really what I consider to be one of the coolest jobs in the world, which is to get curious about a topic and then. Go in my hidey hole in the woods of Vermont and research the heck out of it for a couple of years and then translate that research for people who don't necessarily want to go around reading studies and, and having to learn the statistics and all that other stuff in order to translate it to real life and how that actually translates to parenting and education and what we do in the classroom and all of that sort of stuff. It's, it's a really, it's perfect for me as a job. Yeah, I mean, it's so interesting, too, that you have this like, or had this fascination for middle school. May I ask, before we move on, why? Because I have kids in middle school and I'm like, who would be fascinated with middle school?  Well, I actually, uh, my very first teaching gig was with kids, was at the Duke Talent Identification Program. And it, there were, they were sort of gifted or really advanced middle school kids, but they weren't, they were so mature for their age in many ways that it, so I moved directly into teaching.  And I thought that's where I would stay. And I had applied for a new teaching job in a high school that I really admired. And I got a note from the head of a middle school saying, is there any way you would come and interview for this job? Would really love to talk to you about it. And I'm like, Middle school. I, I, I don't know. They, they freak me out. I didn't like middle school myself. I can't imagine that I would want to teach kids that young. And she said, look, just come meet them, which was the kiss of death. I went and I met them and I fell in love with them immediately. And it was,  there's something about the fact that they are still. Children, in the sense that their guard isn't completely up, they still need hugs, they still,  there's, there's something really magical about this, this age, and I think the more you understand about the adolescent brain and cognitive development during adolescence, the more  You can understand why middle school is so magical. They, we give them far more than they can handle from the perspective of where their brain development is. And so the expectation is if you're a middle school teacher who absolutely loves this age group, and I don't know why you would teach middle school if you didn't, because it would be maddening.  The expectation is, is that we will watch them screw up all day long over and over and over again, and find those learning moments because Kids aren't always teachable on our schedule. Sometimes it requires us to sort of step back and say, okay, in the back of my mind, I know I'm going to have to talk to this kid about his total lack of organization, but I can't do it right now because he hasn't had lunch yet or his Guinea pig died last night or whatever is happening at home. His parents are getting divorced and now isn't the best time to be talking. It's more than he can handle. So you wait for just that right moment. And over. I was really lucky. I got to teach sixth grade and seventh grade and eighth grade. So I had these kids for three full years, something that education is, is really starting to realize is important, which is sort of tracking teachers along with kids for more than one year. You really get the opportunity to get to know them. And so if anyone's ever parented a middle school kid, sixth grade and eighth grade are like two different planets. So getting to watch them grow from sixth grade to the end of eighth grade and heading off to high school. It just, it's amazing. It's incredible. I love it so much. I have a seventh grader, so I'm smack in the middle. I'm seeing a little metamorphosis. It's kind of like, oh my goodness, what's coming out on the other side. But, but I'll say this, I'll say this. I think as far as this idea of how much a kid can handle, depending on their age. Is it, oh, of course. It's an idea that even it involves us moms too, and how much we can handle. And on that note, I thought we would totally talk about one of your viral videos. I'm going to say Instagram  with regards to a topic that I think a lot of us. might not be able to handle. Like if we have kids and, and we're kind of focused on grades and we want to be sure that they get to like the right high school, the right college and all of that, the topic that you shared your perspective on was my kid left her homework at home. Should I take it to school for her? And the reason why that topic resonated with me is because here's my theory. My theory is. The reason why a lot of moms are challenged in terms of their mental bandwidth, like, why does it feel so stretched? My hypothesis is because they're also taking ownership of our kids burdens and challenges and problems to solve. And along the lines of how much they can handle and how much we can handle, I would love your thoughts. thoughts on this idea of, of homework. It's like, I feel like there's got to be a lot more to it than just a piece of like paper giving to school. There's got to be a lot behind that. So say more.  Yeah. So this story actually is in the book, the gift of failure and is  It's a cool story because since gift to failure came out, there has been a long period of time in which I've seen how the choices I made that day have played out over a long period of time. So you have to understand the backstory, which I explained in gift to failure, which is that my daughter had real issues with organization. I mean, again, this was for her, this was fourth grade, but this is something that could come up any, at any period in time. And what. We understood was that she just at first was that her homework just wasn't getting done. That's what I heard from the teacher like homework is not happening. Well, it turns out that wasn't exactly true. What we did was we talked to her about the homework issue. And what we found out was that actually the homework was getting done. It was just that she was either not handing it in. It was getting lost. It was stuck in the bottom of her backpack. So what was fascinating about that to me is that my assumption was that she was just not doing it. That's Turns out wasn't true. It was a whole different piece of this. So we had to lay out really clear expectations for homework and then really clear consequences for if she didn't hand it in. So our really clear expectations were you'll do it, you'll do it to the best of your ability. You'll put it in your backpack, you'll take it back out of your backpack and you will hand it in to your teacher so that your teacher can give you feedback because homework is all about feedback.  And  So by the time this homework was left on this coffee table and my daughter was already out at the bus stop.  And we knew that her major problem was putting the homework in the backpack, taking it out of the backpack, handing it to the teacher. And we'd had a whole conversation about this and we'd been working on this specific thing. And so I went back and forth and back and forth. Do I take it? Do I not take it? In fact, I had to go to the school for something later that day anyway, so it would have been super easy for me to take it. And I actually even went to Facebook and put up on Facebook that this was a challenge for me. I was right in the middle of writing the gift of failure. What I do, blah, blah, blah. And a friend of mine who helps run this website called Grown and Flown and wrote the book Grown and Flown about helping your older kids sort of out of, out of the nest, she said, Jess, I really respect you and I love your work, but I disagree if, if. If this were  your husband and he forgot his, his charging cord at home, then you'd take it to him. Right? Because family, if no one else has your back, right? We show each other, we have their backs and we love each other. And if no one else in the world supports us, our family supports us. And I'm like, Oh crud, what do I do now? Because my instinct is I can't take the homework and not just because my entire very small community knew I was writing a book called the gift of failure about this exact thing. And so I didn't take the homework that day because I realized no, yes, I would take the, the charging cord to my husband, but my husband, always remembers his charging cord. Like that's not an issue we're working on with him. He's an incredibly careful and meticulous person. And so it would be an oddity, an outlier for him to forget something like that. But with my daughter, this is a very specific thing we've been working on. So I didn't take it. I'm also, by the way, not raising my husband. I was raising my daughter with this very specific blind spot in her, in her executive function skills. And so I didn't take it. And what ended up happening was  her teacher got fed up. Wonderful Mr. Dano. I love him so much. I talk about him all the time. Mr. Dano kept her in from lunch, which plus a minus I'm not in agreement with that. We, Kids need exercise, but kept her in from recess and said, this is something that's been going on for too long. It's time that you just, you have to come up with a strategy, like how is tomorrow going to be different from today? And that day, the day I didn't take the homework and did not rescue her, she was forced to sit down and come up with a strategy that would work for her. And that strategy won PS, I had been recommending for ages that she didn't. Listen to came up with her own strategy, which again was the one I had been recommending you forever, but it was the one that she thought she came up with all on her own, which is what matters, which was a checklist, like having a checklist at home so that she remembers everything. And what was so cool about that was.  She's very proud of herself when she told me all about this checklist thing. She had come up with clearly all on her own,  but it's the,  the tool she used, the strategy she used all the way through middle school, all the way through high school. I kept all of them. She would remake them from time to time, depending on what she needed. And she's in college now, and it continues to be the way she thinks about it. What she needs to leave house with or the dorm room with or whatever  And it stuck because it was her Strategy and if I had taken the homework that day She wouldn't have had this moment where she had to talk to an adult about how She needed to be supported in coming up with a solution to this ongoing problem that she wasn't hearing from me and I'm forever indebted to Mr. Dano for, for being that person that really pushed her to come up with something. So it was really hard to stay home that day, especially since it was for a subject that. She was having trouble with, it was kids who were starting to tease her about being the kid that forgets everything. I could have saved her from that if I had just taken the homework that day, but, and it would have made me feel great,  but I had to put off my own, Need to feel good about here's how much I love you. Here's visible evidence of how much I love you for what would benefit her long term, not necessarily that day. And I would have stolen that learning opportunity from her. And to your point,  it's not great at there's another story that I tell in the book, which is that former. Student of mine, we were working on some stuff together about her anxiety and her anxiety around homework and all that stuff. And it was because her parents were so, so invested in helping her with homework every single day, like literally on top of her. And it was causing major chaos, not just chaos, but anxiety in the home. When it came time for her to go off to college and I asked her what she was excited about, she's like, Oh yeah, I'm so excited for this, that, and the other thing. She said, but I'm really, really worried about my parents because I don't know what they're going to do with their time because she had never seen her parents have a life outside of her needs and wants  and schedule. And that's bad for kids. Like we shouldn't. They need to see that we have a life outside of their needs and wants and lives and that we are full people outside of our children. That's how we teach our children to be their own parents who can have a life outside of their own kids and think about things like their relationships and their career and their whatever those other things are outside of kids. So I think it's, we really, really have to balance that stuff and be thinking about what's important for our kids in the long term and what's important for us in the long term.  Absolutely. And as I think about what you're sharing, I'm thinking to myself, okay, so this was like a, a little moment that became a huge learning opportunity, lifelong benefits for your daughter. And I'm curious about for yourself and just like, is this now something that you never had to think about again? Like, how did it like.  Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that be nice if I never had to think about it again? No, it was fourth grade and you know, this, she continued to be the kind of kid who needed more supports, especially for executive function stuff. And for those people who don't know, executive function stuff is frontal lobe stuff. It's adulting stuff. So the brain develops from the bottom up. We start with like the ability to breathe and the ability and reflexes and the ability to see our heart. But the higher up in our brain, we go, the more we're thinking about like time management, resource allocation, how we segue from one thing to another, starting a task, finishing a task, all that kind of like adulting stuff. That's all frontal lobe stuff. And that is the very last part of the brain to come online. And many, many. Kids, fourth grade, middle school, high school, that part of the brain is not fully online yet. It's not fully online until the early to mid twenties, which if you read my other book about substance use, it's the reason that using addictive substances is so much more harmful to the adolescent brain than it is to an adult brain that's done forming. So for me, I constantly had to think, okay, where is my kid along this continuum of developing executive function? And she's 20 now.  Is she fully cooked yet? No, she, her brain won't be fully cooked until the early to mid twenties. My older kid happened to get there a little bit sooner and my younger kid is getting there a little later and that's totally normal. But how I react to one kid might be a little different from how I react to my other kids simply because.  I know,  I have a pretty good sense of where they are in terms of what they need, and it's when we start  assuming that they need help all the time, when we start assuming that they're not competent enough to do stuff themselves, that's when we start sort of stepping in, doing too much, being overly directive, and possibly fostering what's called learned helplessness, which is teaching our kids Oh, no, I don't think you can do that thing. And then they start to believe it too. And so their immediate reaction becomes, Oh, I need help with this. I can't do it myself. There's no way I could do this on my own. And I see it from the classroom side as a teacher. And I see it at home from my own kids, it still pops up, but it still rears its ugly head sometimes, because is it easier to pretend you can't do it? So mom will do it. Absolutely. And that goes from laundry to loading the dishwasher to pretending that you didn't know that if the dishwasher is already clean, then you can unload it before you drop your stuff in the sink and just walk away. There's that learned helplessness thing is a really tempting  thing to fall into for kids until they're done developing and sometimes beyond. What's so what's so interesting, Jessica, in terms of just like my own experiences, is that. This dynamics of like an overly involved parent doing things for you is alien territory to me. I'm like, oh, that's so fascinating. I, I have a totally different life experience. So here's the challenge that I want to just share with you. Like how, How would a listener who has the opposite experience where she had to grow up very quickly because she was raised by a mom with manic depression? Like, how does someone like me and you, Jessica, teach our kids without breaking them? Because I don't know what they're capable of, but I'm really trying to figure out what are the edges and like, how does one before? For already, like what one kid could handle or not, how do you start like testing this just like, Oh, I think they got this or, Oh no, break them. If they do that. Yeah. So  I love this question because I hardly ever get this question. I, I was raised in a home with an alcoholic parent. I was raised along with some other stuff that I choose to keep private that  I had to grow up really fast and I was in charge of all my stuff. But part of that was really wonderful because part of it was that my parents trusted me to make good decisions and they, and I, you know, Very much wanted to fulfill that expectation. And so  from my perspective, some of that was really great. Like they trusted me to navigate the world and be able to speak up for myself. And they expected that I would speak up for myself and that I would be able to navigate the world. But there is, as you mentioned, so there's, There's a really interesting divide between kids who have, there's this thing called self efficacy, which is the feeling that if you take action, that you can change things. Like, let's say for example, I'm.  I really don't like my college roommate. We're just not getting along and I really think we should switch roommates. And so I know that I could go speak to an advisor or go talk to the college or talk to the roommate and either resolve things or change things up. That's a feeling of self efficacy. I know I can do that. So I tend to have a fairly high level of self efficacy, but there are two kinds of kids who have very low levels of self efficacy. And not only is that. which is terrible for them emotionally, but it's also a really big risk factor for substance use.  Kids who grow up in the foster care system, group homes, homes where they're being neglected or abused, where  you want to change the fact that you're getting hit or that you don't have anyone to turn to, but there isn't much you can do. Do to change that situation, a kid in foster care may have no control whatsoever over where they're living next week. And that can cause some kids to have really low levels of self efficacy. Like no matter what I do, nothing will change kind of thing. But then there are also kids who grow up with every support and financial support and parents doing everything for them. And even those kids can end up in a situation where they're like, well, I don't need to make decisions about things because all decisions are being made for me. Someone is going to figure that out for me. And that's also can foster a really low level of self efficacy. And these are the kids that I saw in my rehab classroom a lot, these two kinds of kids. And so I think One of the best things we can do is really get to know the kid that we have really well. What are their needs? What are their wants? What are, what are the things they love? And let them know that we love them no matter what the outcome is That we're, that we're really interested in the process of becoming, learning, practicing that when we focus overly on the end product, the trophy, the score, the grade, the points, that what we're saying is we don't care how you get there. We just want you to provide these results and. The way we react when they do or don't provide those results.  Can make them can make a lot of kids feel like they are loved more when they get high grades and less when they Get low grades. And in fact, I poll kids on this when i'm in schools And it's really stunning how many kids say? Yeah, I really do believe that i'm loved More when I get high grades and less when I get low grades so doing a lot of this sort of process talk will also get at the topic of Well, do you need support here? Do you want me to step back a lot of Parents don't think to ask those questions, especially when your come kids, your kid comes to you and they're really upset and like we go into that defensive mode and we just want to fix it for them because it's so horrible to hear about our kids being in distress. But a lot of teens will tell you that they don't want the problem solved. They just want to talk about it. They just want to be heard. So.  Making sure your kid feels heard is the number one thing that we can do to make sure that we're not under parenting or over parenting because they're going to tell us if they trust us and if they feel supported in the process of becoming and whoever it is, they're going to be, as opposed to just in the end product, then they hopefully will trust us enough to tell us when they need help and when they need support, and that's when you can get to know Are they asking for help because they're  being helpless here, or are they asking for help because they really, really need help? And it becomes fairly, it's different with each kid, but if I can learn it in a classroom of 30 students, I knew when my students needed real help or were just copping out for the day. And I knew when a student was in distress and not asking for help. That's a matter of looking and listening, listening, listening. And paying attention to who the kid is. And there's one thing I say a lot when I'm talking in schools, talking to parents about gift to failure stuff, which is  that we have to love the kid. We have not the kid we wish we had, because when we love the kid, we have not some imaginary version of our child. We really do get  a feel for their emotional state and their,  their levers for what they want and need from us. And, and that's.  Knowing the kid you have and, and not just the kid you wish you had is sort of the most important thing that I think we can do as a parent.  Yeah, I would agree totally. I think some kids can handle more than other kids, which is an obvious point. But I think as a parent, it's the onus is on us to really like understand, like maybe what are their limits and challenge them a little bit. I mean, I have several anecdotes, which I'll definitely share in the show notes a bit more, but. Yeah. Thank you, Jessica, for this. I think this is important. And so one final question before you share all your socials and where we could get your books and such, but here's the question. So you personally, as a mom, as an author, a New York Times bestselling author, help us understand how you personally have bubble wrapped your sanity along your journey.  Yeah, at the, my ability to say no to things has gotten better. When I first sold The Gift of Failure, I was working full time over more than full time as a middle school teacher. I was teaching six, six class. So I was teaching six individual different classes out of seven periods a day. And I was also working part time as an education journalist. And then I sold my book and I did not want to stop teaching. But I also. I had to weigh sort of what I wanted from my career, and I had always wanted to be a writer, and this was my big chance to sort of do it or not do it right. And I had to, I, the day I quit, I was just Weeping. It was awful. I luckily was able to find a part time job teaching so that I was able to juggle everything, but I couldn't do everything I wanted to do. And granted, this isn't from a perspective of, Oh my gosh, I have choice. That's a place of incredible privilege. And I totally understand that. But being able to say no to some of the things that are shiny objects that I would love to like have on my CV, or that I think could sell a couple extra books, or that might give me, give me another opportunity. I've had to realize that I can't be all things to all people. I can't do everything. In order to be the parent that my teenagers needed, I couldn't also. Teach full time. I just couldn't do it no matter how much I wanted to stay.  And it was really sad, but it was a decision that was really, really good and allowed me, as I said, to find a part time job that did allow me to have a taste of this and a taste of that, and still be there for my kids when they needed me to be. Thank you for that. I think that's helpful. I think saying no is ultimately saying yes to the thing that you really want. So it makes, it makes sense. And I know it's really, really hard, especially when those objects are extra super shiny. So Jessica, share with us where we can continue to follow along your journey and buy your books and support you and learn more about them. Your gift of failure.  So everything is at Jessica Lahey. com, including the daily videos. I was putting up for a while and I'm hoping to return to both on the addiction inoculation and the gift of failure. I do that on Instagram but they're all indexed in the little table of contents on there. You can find out about more about. Possibly getting me to come to your kid's school or some nonprofit organization in your area to speak about either topic. But again, everything is at Jessica Lahey. com and I'm on all of the social places at, at Jess Lahey. Thank you so much. Or at Teacher Lahey, sorry, at Teacher Lahey. Someone over on Instagram took at Jess Lahey, so I couldn't have it. So I'm at Teacher Lahey over on Instagram. Thank you so much, Jessica. I appreciate this.  Thank you so much. This is such, such a fun conversation. Absolutely. Thanks again.  What an amazing conversation with Jessica, and here's why I was so smitten to have a conversation with her. First of all, I think it's so interesting that the topic of over parenting is such a big deal these days because I see it, I'm a witness, I understand it visually. But personally, and maybe you too, I wasn't over parented. I don't know if I would say I was under parented, but maybe right sized parented for my personality and my abilities. So, it's something for you to consider. I think there's two ends, two ways of approaching parenting, probably several. But ultimately, it's something important to understand as far as For each individual child. So here's my quick recap. Number one, kids do need to see that we have lives outside of our kids. And I think that is even more important and possible with the internet, making it more accessible to us. Second point, we have to give kids more credit. We can't assume that they don't know how to do something. I will even add this point. Not only can we not assume that they don't know how to do something. But dare I say, and I'm just saying this cause it's easier to say than to do. What if they actually can do something more simply and better? Right? So that's an opportunity that I think is really helpful. Here's the third one, self efficacy. So for different kids, there's different quote unquote. Levels of abilities, right? And capabilities. So it's beyond just the age because you could have two 12 year olds that have totally different ways of handling the exact same stressful moment. And I think. You see that in one home where you have siblings who see certain situations favorably, potentially, and others, not as much. So it's really important for us as moms, even at the helm of really growing businesses. To really pay attention to the different parenting style needs that our individual children have. And as someone with identical twins, that goes for me too, and maybe for you too. So hope you enjoyed the conversation. I definitely want to invite you to learn more about Jessica. She shared how to reach out to her. And I also want to invite you to head on over to fertile ideas. com. When I say that I am beyond, beyond excited that I am sharing. You know, everything that I've learned over these four years on how to rediscover my own imagination so that this way I could actually have a business that thrives and something that I'm excited about and I feel fully aligned to, which is supporting mom entrepreneurs. It is not an understatement. Your imagination is something that you might not even know has been paused for a decade. And once we hit that play button. And that is a little bit of a pun because that is part of my framework playing with your imagination. There's no telling at how many wonderful ideas you could activate and turn into reality and actually make an impact in the world and on your terms. So head on over to www.fertileideas.com

You can under-parent a kid.And yes...You can over-parent them.Listen and learn about the signs of over-parenting, the dangers, how to stop....and how to find that right balance!Go deeper with Sean at www.SaveMyFamily.us

Tap into the heat with our latest debate that's setting social media on fire! •Can Black Men Truly Lead? The conversation that's got everyone talking is right here on our channel. Join Mr Viiiral, The Messiah & Kaulle The 1 as they dissect a topic that's exploded across TikTok and beyond. From the impact of consumerism to the heated discussion on leadership within the Black community, this episode is packed with controversial takes and raw insights that you won't find anywhere else. •The Ugly Side of Social Media for Kids

The worst rock lyrics, the latest overparenting technique, reducing the time given to a friend because you don't like their partner, and we play a game!

When was the last time you let your kid fall out of a tree? Wait, maybe just climb a tree? Or when was the last time you let your kid drive alone across the country? Never you say? Sounds like someone might be overparenting. You might know it as helicopter parenting when parents are constantly hovering over their kids to make sure they never get hurt. It's been increasing in parenting over the past few decades. In fact, it's gotten so rampant, we don't even hover from a distance. Now, parents are removing obstacles from their kid's path in what's now called lawnmower parenting. And I mean like, golf greens lawnmowing. But you wouldn't do that, would you?  You believe in letting your kid learn for themselves.Turns out, we might all be doing it more than we thought. But, old reliable Matt, Mike, and Rob break it down for you and help you become a helium-balloon parent that floats off into the ether. ...Maybe not that far, but still a little more distanced. So listen in. Then go out on the corner and preach the good news of The Manspace. And watch our youtube channel dangit! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVTMy5BC9t8mC22rmoDv9tASpread the word! The Manspace is Rad!!

On Today's Episode of Raising the Nuts, Jody and Trevor discuss marriage, overparenting, the adjustment to the new school year and a very big announcement about the podcast. 

Welcome to the Nurturing Parent, in today's episode, we examine the negative effects of overparenting or rushing in to fix everything on our kids. One of the most important things to look at is how we can be robbing them of opportunities to learn and grow. Overparenting, also known as helicopter parenting, refers to excessive involvement and control by parents in every aspect of their child's life. You might not think this is you but let's be open to accepting that there are some things we can change to enhance these opportunities for our kids.Amma Lisa gives us 5 ways we can start encouraging our kid's independence today!Reminder "Anything that a child is able to do for themselves or is learning to do for themselves needs to be ENCOURAGED & SUPPORTED"Support the showPlease share and tag us on our platforms below if you enjoyed this episode!Instagram : The Nurturing ParentFacebook Group : The Nurturing Parent GroupEmail Us : TheNurturingparent.Pod@gmail.comOriginal music ©Lisa K Sigurgeirson 1986

In Australia, thousands of children and teenagers are increasingly refusing to attend school due to anxiety, a phenomenon known as "anxiety-based school refusal". Over half of students were chronically absent last year, defined as missing over 20 days of school annually. This trend has been attributed to the impact of Covid lockdowns on mental health and the influence of excessive screen time. Social isolation during lockdowns has led to increased social anxiety, with school becoming a perceived threat. However, the trend of school refusal predates the pandemic, with experts warning of rising child anxiety rates. Contributing factors include doom-laden messages about climate change from the media, and the negative effects of social media on sleep and genuine friendships. Overparenting is also considered to be a significant issue, as it denies children the necessary challenges that foster resilience. In the face of school refusal, allowing a child to stay home can reinforce the belief that school is a threat and attendance is optional. We suggest a better approach is graded exposure therapy, a method widely recognized as the most effective treatment for various anxiety disorders. This method can be likened to exposing a person with a phobia to the object of their fear gradually until they become desensitized. In the context of school refusal, this could involve rehearsing school drop-offs and working in partnership with schools and psychologists until the child can do it alone. We should be teaching children that discomfort is not necessarily a problem to be solved, but a part of life to be endured, and that it's a mistake to believe good mental health means feeling good all the time. Therefore, allowing children to struggle with their problems, rather than stepping in to solve them, can be more beneficial in the long term. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

|EP112|  Today on Stay At Home Dads Podcast I open the show talking about politics, discussing some interesting and ridiculous comments made by a California city council member.  Nithya Raman suggests we should put blame for auto part theft on big corporations rather than the criminals themselves.  I then get into the topic of parenting styles and my own struggle with being at times, an over parent.  Doing too much, helping too much, and just being a little too overbearing are things I think some of us can relate to.   I talk about some of the pros and cons of this parenting style as well as why we tend to do it despite the negative effects it can have on children.  I will continue this conversation next week talking about other parenting styles like free range parenting and the effects they have on kids as well.  If you have any questions of comments please check out Stay At Home Dads instagram page @stayathomedads_podcast or on my Pod Bean page.  Thanks for listening!  Links:  https://www.dailynews.com/2023/05/03/progressive-los-angeles-council-member-blames-toyota-for-your-catalytic-converter-being-stolen/ https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-04-11/los-angeles-passes-new-strategy-for-tackling-catalytic-converter-theft https://www.verywellfamily.com/signs-that-you-overparenting-your-child-1095052 https://www.parentingforbrain.com/overparenting/#:~:text=Overparenting%20is%20a%20parenting%20style,aspect%20of%20the%20child%27s%20life. Podcast Links: •Apple Podcast App: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stay-at-home-dads-podcast/id1566807529 •Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4WoSrsB0Bz70scOo8ExEEX •Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/89162611-78ab-429b-af13-82e6883be2ab/Stay-at-Home-Dads-Podcast •Google Podcast: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL3N0YXlhdGhvbWVkYWRzL2ZlZWQueG1s •Pandora: https://www.pandora.com/podcast/stay-at-home-dads-podcast/PC:1001022563 •Instagram:  @stayathomedads_podcast •Web:  https://stayathomedads.podbean.com https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPZ0gFs6Upc7Ws8_ma6sJvA https://www.youtube.com/c/HighPriority Intro song by: @thederz Outro song by: Track Tribe

A report on a study of helicopter parenting, which you'd think we would be cheering, somehow gave us fodder for complaints: One of us isn't buying it, and another thinks its definition of helicoptering might be wrong. (And speaking of Substacks, the report is on Bruce Feiler's newsletter, which was recommended by Asha Dornfest's, Parent of Adults).

Overparenting is a pervasive practice in our society today. My guest Julie Lythcott-Haims identified over-parented students in her former role as the Dean of Freshman and Undergraduate Advising at Stanford University and wrote the NYT best-selling book How to Raise an Adult, and later Your Turn: How to be an Adult. Links from the episode Julie Lythcott-Haims: Website Julie Lythcott-Haims: Instagram How to Raise an Adult Your Turn: How to be an Adult Sponsors Prep Dish -- Get 2 weeks free meal planning, prepdish.com/families Indeed - If you need to hire, you need Indeed! Visit www.indeed.com/families.

1-Overparenting: Kids learn best by doing. 2-Insecurity: I panic and withdraw whenever I get romantically close to someone. Listen to caller's personal dramas four times each week as Dr. Kenner takes your calls and questions on parenting, romance, love, family, marriage, divorce, hobbies, career, mental health - any personal issue! Call anytime, toll free 877-Dr-Kenner. Visit www.drkenner.com for more information about the show.

Subscribe if you love the DPM show! https://anchor.fm/drpsychmomshow/subscribe And you'll get all my awesome bonus episodes, the most recent is how to tell your partner they aren't good at something like cooking dinner! For more discussion about these topics, join my secret Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/becomesupporter/DrPsychMom For therapy, contact us at www.bestlifebehavioralhealth.com Follow me on TikTok! https://www.tiktok.com/@therealdrpsychmom and YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqLm4xRaUeroBodFc-h4XDQ Yet another member of my Facebook group (join it!) had a great question about "how to avoid overparenting underfocused or underachieving teens." I discuss how to promote independence, recognize enabling (as differentiated from support), work on parental anxiety, and examine the construct of achievement in general! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/drpsychmomshow/message

Overparenting (aka “helicopter parenting”) might not be exactly what you think. It's much more common now, in our high-pressure society, than ever before. You may be doing it and not even realize. Afterall, you're an involved and supportive parent, what's wrong with that?Join me as I tell you:·       how science draws the line between supportive parent and helicopter parent,·       why we “hover” over our teens, ·       what effect it has on our teens as they move into adulthood, ·       how to stop, and·       what to do insteadAfter listening, jump over to the show notes to download the bonus content, “You Might Be Overparenting If” at https://neurogility.com/14 Speaking of Teens is sponsored by https://neurogility.com, where you can find lots of wonderful resources for parents of teens and tweens. I founded neurogility after our family went through a couple of difficult years. Our teenage son struggled with ADHD, learning issues, horrible anxiety, major depression and all the accompanying academic, social, self-medication, legal and behavior issues. After finally finding a positive path forward, I knew I wanted to dedicate myself to making sure you're better equipped that I'd been. Please share this episode with other moms you think may find it helpful and follow the show right here where you're listening. New episodes are uploaded every Tuesday morning.I would love to get your feedback and ideas for the show. Reach out to me anytime at 864-313-7277 or acoleman@neurogility.com. This show is for you, and I want to make sure I'm bringing you the insight and information you need the most!Ann ColemanPrivacy Policy 

Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise an Adult. Topic: How to break free of the overparenting trap and prepare your kid for success. Issues: What we're doing now and what overparenting looks like; the devastating results of overparenting (lack of life skills, psychological harm; damaged job prospects, substance abuse, and more); what we need […] The post Stop Overparenting appeared first on Mr. Dad.

What was Mary like as a parent?  In this special episode hear from Mary's two grown sons on what it was like growing up with Mary as a parent.  They talk about how natural consequences shaped them and how energy drains encouraged them to make better decisions among other topics.This episode was created at the request of Mary's Facebook Group, Parenting Decoded, who were curious about the long term impact of good, solid parenting techniques on children.  What better examples than Mary's boys who went from having a helicopter mom to a consultant mom when they were in middle school.  A big change!What grade did Mary get from her boys on her parenting skills?  Take a listen and hear it for yourself!

Attachment: our connection to others and our ability to trust in those around us to love and support us, even in the hardest of moments. Have you ever wondered why you or others interact the way you do in conflict, love, relationships, intimacy, or play? The biggest contributor: your attachment style.Every single person has a style of attachment, starting from your first day of life. Your style of attachment is formed by your interactions with those around you, both positively and negatively. Your attachment style shapes the jobs you take, the partners you attract and choose, your parenting decisions, your preferences, the friends in your life, and so much more. As you can see, your attachment is a massive contributor to your life and your happiness. Let us tell you why! Join us as we explore the role of attachment in our adult relationships. We unveil how we form our attachment style, the types of attachment we can have, the strengths and pitfalls of each style, and ways to strengthen your attachment style. Attachment informs countless parts of our lives and can have profound ripple effects on every relationship we have and the choices we make. You owe it to yourself to form a healthy and secure attachment; it is never too late! If you find this episode, or any of our other episodes, helpful to you, please share with those that you love! Let us know what you think about what you want us to talk about next by emailing us at RelationshipsInsideOut@gmail.com! Next Tuesday, we explore the world of fear, including some practical tips to overcome it! Later topics include: parenting, navigating finances as a partnership, self-acceptance, compassion in couples, overcoming fear, managing family relationships, and so much more!For more updates and helpful resources, follow us on Facebook at @RelationshipsInsideOutllc!Some resources related to our topic this week:1. The Different Types of Attachment Styles 2. Attachment Styles & Their Role in Relationships3. How Attachment Styles Affect Adult Relationships4. Overparenting and Emerging Adults' Insecure Attachment With Parents and Romantic Partners

Amy is charging her daughter for something to teach her a lesson…we want to know if it's overparenting or not? In the Bobby Feud, can you name the Top 10 favorite TV Theme songs of all time? Bobby gave us a not so great update about his dentist visit yesterday. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to The Mental Breakdown and Psychreg Podcast! Today, Dr. Berney and Dr. Marshall discuss the issues related to remaining too involved in the lives of your teenagers. Read the articles from CNBC here, from US News here, and from the Child Mind Institute here. You can now follow Dr. Marshall on twitter, as well! Dr. Berney and Dr. Marshall are happy to announce the release of their new parenting e-book, Handbook for Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child Part 2: Attention. You can get your copy from Amazon here. We hope that you will join us each morning so that we can help you make your day the best it can be! See you tomorrow. Become a patron and support our work at http://www.Patreon.com/thementalbreakdown. Visit Psychreg for blog posts covering a variety of topics within the fields of mental health and psychology. The Parenting Your ADHD Child course is now on YouTube! Check it out at the Paedeia YouTube Channel. The Handbook for Raising an Emotionally Health Child Part 1: Behavior Management is now available on kindle! Get your copy today! The Elimination Diet Manual is now available on kindle and nook! Get your copy today! Follow us on Twitter and Facebook and subscribe to our YouTube Channels, Paedeia and The Mental Breakdown. Please leave us a review on iTunes so that others might find our podcast and join in on the conversation!

Welcome to The Mental Breakdown and Psychreg Podcast! Today, Dr. Berney and Dr. Marshall discuss the issues related to remaining too involved in the lives of your teenagers. Read the articles from CNBC here, from US News here, and from the Child Mind Institute here. You can now follow Dr. Marshall on twitter, as well! Dr. Berney and Dr. Marshall are happy to announce the release of their new parenting e-book, Handbook for Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child Part 2: Attention. You can get your copy from Amazon here. We hope that you will join us each morning so that we can help you make your day the best it can be! See you tomorrow. Become a patron and support our work at http://www.Patreon.com/thementalbreakdown. Visit Psychreg for blog posts covering a variety of topics within the fields of mental health and psychology. The Parenting Your ADHD Child course is now on YouTube! Check it out at the Paedeia YouTube Channel. The Handbook for Raising an Emotionally Health Child Part 1: Behavior Management is now available on kindle! Get your copy today! The Elimination Diet Manual is now available on kindle and nook! Get your copy today! Follow us on Twitter and Facebook and subscribe to our YouTube Channels, Paedeia and The Mental Breakdown. Please leave us a review on iTunes so that others might find our podcast and join in on the conversation!

Subscribe if you love these episodes!! https://anchor.fm/drpsychmomshow/subscribe Expanding on this post, I discuss the overparenting epidemic and how it hurts both kids and parents. Instead of worrying constantly about doing or saying the "wrong" thing with your kids, recognize that you are a person too, with your own limits and boundaries. Empower your kids to be confident in themselves by stepping back from the role of overprotective micromanager, and watch how they thrive. Links: Tell Your Kids About Your Work! Stop Feeding Your Child Fake Praise --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/drpsychmomshow/message

In this episode I interview Liz Bayardelle author of Clean Your Plate! 13 Things that Good Parents Say that Ruin Kids' Lives.   This book covers all sorts of unintended consequences that good parents say regularly like Get Straight As, Don't Hit, Sit Still, Don't Be a Quitter and many more.   She goes into detail in all these areas and has wonderful ideas about how to combat our natural tendencies to push our kids in ways that might backfire.   We talk specifically about the impact of parents choosing to say GET STRAIGHT A'S often sends our kids looking for extrinsic motivators like money, extra computer time or other external rewards.  These rewards often work in the short run but can put a damper on intrinsic motivators that allow our children to own their own success.  In order for our kids to have their own internal motivations there are four key factors:Autonomy - this is where they "own" the ideas, doing things because they're invested in them and not doing them for other peopleCompetence - that kids believe they are capable of a skillRelatedness - kids are social and if they can see how what they are doing relates to other people they want to be with or emulate they can motivate themselves to push past the work at handPurpose - the task at hand relates to some other passion or goal they are trying to achieveBy encouraging a GROWTH MINDSET we can move away from nurturing kids who aren't fulfilling their potential to growing kids who WANT to achieve goals and move forward.  Get a copy of Liz's book here!CLEAN YOUR PLATE! 13 Things Good Parents Say That Ruin Kids' LivesAs always, email Mary at mary@parentingdecoded.com or join her Facebook Group: Parenting Decoded 2021 to hear from Mary more. 

This week leading functional medicine expert Dr. Will Cole sits down with Joe De Sena - founder and CEO of Spartan race - and Dr. Lara Pence - clinical psychologist and Chief Mind Doc at Spartan to talk all things parenting and personal development. We take a look at what it means to raise a child in today's world and its common concerns including technology use, setting healthy boundaries, doing hard things, the tendency to over parent, and how to not be driven by fear. An important listen for parents and nonparents alike, this week's episode gives us an eye-opening look into our personal journey from childhood to adulthood. Learn more: www.drwillcole.com/podcast Drinklmnt.com/artofbeingwell to claim your free LMNT sample pack Fastbar.com code WILLCOLE for 10% off publicgoods.com/willcole or use code WILLCOLE at checkout for $15 off your first Public Goods order Athleticgreens.com/willcole for a free one year supply of vitamin D and to give AG1 a try Produced by Dear Media.

In this podcast learn how to deal with disrespect in your home by teaching and modeling respect while keeping calm.  The truth is, disrespectful behavior is one of the inappropriate ways kids, especially teenagers but not limited to teens, try to solve their problems. Kids can feel powerless in the face of rules and expectations and talking back and showing disrespect is one way they try to take some power back. If they can drag you into an argument, that's even better: Now you're arguing about respect instead of focusing on their curfew or their homework or cleaning up their toys!Listen in on how to tame the disrespect monster:1. Avoid the Fight in the Moment 2. Use Family Meetings 3. Don't Take Everything Personally or Overreact4. Model respect5. Don't Take Our Child's Side6. Don't Demand Respect7. Respect Their Choices8. Use Restitution FULL TRANSCRIPT ON MARY'S BLOG

“If you're not thinking about that worst-case scenario as a parent, you're considered evil,” says Lenore Skenazy. “We have a society that has dedicated itself to making sure that children won't have to deal with anything scary or bad.”Neurotic parenting is preventing children from developing emotionally and becoming independent, says Lenore Skenazy, founder of the Free Range Kids movement and president of the Let Grow nonprofit. Once dubbed “America's Worst Mom” after letting her 9-year-old son take the New York subway alone, she's featured in the new documentary “Chasing Childhood.”There are still companies like American Hartford Gold, that value freedom of speech and honest discourse—and are sponsoring shows like ours.With inflation on the rise, investing in gold is another option to diversify your assets. American Hartford Gold is a patriotic, family-owned company that not only sells precious metals right to your front door, they can help deposit gold into a retirement account like an IRA or 401K.They've got an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau, and right now they have a promotion where they will give you up to $1,500 of free silver on your first order. You can just call 855-862-3377, that's 855-862-3377 or you can text “AMERICAN” to 6-5-5-3-2.

“If you're not thinking about that worst-case scenario as a parent, you're considered evil,” says Lenore Skenazy. “We have a society that has dedicated itself to making sure that children won't have to deal with anything scary or bad.” Neurotic parenting is preventing children from developing emotionally and becoming independent, says Lenore Skenazy, founder of the Free Range Kids movement and president of the Let Grow nonprofit.  Once dubbed “America's Worst Mom” after letting her 9-year-old son take the New York subway alone, she's featured in the new documentary “Chasing Childhood.” There are still companies like American Hartford Gold, that value freedom of speech and honest discourse—and are sponsoring shows like ours. With inflation on the rise, investing in gold is another option to diversify your assets. American Hartford Gold is a patriotic, family-owned company that not only sells precious metals right to your front door, they can help deposit gold into a retirement account like an IRA or 401K. They've got an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau, and right now they have a promotion where they will give you up to $1,500 of free silver on your first order. You can just call 855-862-3377, that's 855-862-3377 or you can text “AMERICAN” to 6-5-5-3-2.

In this episode I talk with Dr. Weisinger about their approach of transforming harmful parental pressure into healthy pressure.    He has just released a new book with Dr. Christopher Thurber, The Unlikely Art of Parental Pressure: A Positive Approach to Pushing Your Child to Be Their Best Self. This book provides a roadmap for parents to engage in healthy pressure with our kids, ways that will help them grow and succeed instead of stifle and crush them.  We, as parents, often struggle with kids who we think aren't trying their hardest and we want to push harder.  We know they can do more.   It's a natural instinct to push but in today's world it seems like we can go too far and wind up doing more harm than good.  Send me an email at mary@parentingdecoded.com or join my Facebook Group, Parenting Decoded 2021.

For decades, pediatricians and psychologists have been seeing climbing rates of anxiety in children and adults, to the point where parenting is sometimes now referred to as a crisis. Many parents say they just want their kids to be happy, but what if what we're doing is having the opposite effect? What's the cause and is there a solution? We unpack the data and look at what this looks like in an average household and what we might do to change course.

Parenting is challenging. Homeschooling is challenging. Doing both well simultaneously is hard work! Mark Steven Reardon is this year's JumpStart Parent Education Conference Keynote Speaker. Mark informs us how parenting styles, such as Helicopter, Drone, Snow Plow, Tigger, and Zamboni, all stem from good intentions of wanting our children to succeed. Be sure to join us at JumpStart on August 15, 2019 to learn more!https://classicalacademy.com/communityengagement/jumpstart-conference/

MOPS on CM: The Thing You Don't Know Your Child Needs... A Super Fun DIY project and a list of boundaries are just part of gifting your child with a sense of wonder. What mom doesn't want her child to hope, dream and find joy in life? MOPS International offers savvy tips from the new Editor of Hello Dearest! Jinny Jordan offers takeaway tips on inviting your children to dream & wonder... boosting the awesome power of faith in their lives. What moms need to know about creating wonder. Catch it all on this ChannelMom Podcast. Or, listen on the radio each week... Listen to ChannelMom Radio Fridays @ 1PM - Saturdays @ 7AM and @ 2:30PM On Denver's 94.7 KRKS FM OR Stream at LISTEN LIVE link above.       Save Save Save