Christian Home and Family Radical Faith for Generations

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Why our kids do not date This post is not about dating VS courtship... so you can relax. This post is about the wisdom (or lack of wisdom) that is inherent in the cultural practice of dating... and what can be done about it in YOUR family. When my oldest son was very small, my wife and I prayerfully decided that our children would not "date" in the typical sense of the word. Our experiences had not been all that great, and we knew there had to be a better way for a Christ-centered family to go about it. Before I tell you how we accomplished that in a way that all our children have willingly and even joyfully adopted it... let me tell  you WHY we made that decision. Reasons we didn't want our kids to date #1 - "Pairing up" as couples is for the purpose of heading toward marriage We really believe that. There's no other reason for a young man and young woman to pair up. So think it through... at what age is a young man or young woman actually READY to be seriously heading toward marriage? Twelve? Sixteen? Eighteen? What do YOU think? You absolutely MUST answer that question well if you are going to think about this issue well. When we allow eleven or twelve year olds... or fifteen and sixteen year olds for that matter, to pair up - it's premature. They are not yet of marrying age, so why would we allow them into a context where everything is heading toward marriage? They aren't ready for it... so it's foolish to allow it. We can talk about it in ways that prepare them for what's ahead... and we should. But we don't have to thrown them into dating in order for them to learn about it. #2 - Romantic relationships require a tremendous amount of maturity and emotional self-control in order to be healthy Even adults have a hard time handling the emotions that come with a committed relationship. There are vital, mature skills needed in order to make a one-on-one relationship like dating work - things like deep communication, consideration of others, insight into human nature, commitment to high moral standards, etc. How many pre-teen or teen-aged kids do you know who have those skills? How many adults? Why would we put our children into a relationship for which they are not prepared? When we do, failure is the only logical outcome... as well as pain that doesn't need to happen. Instead of putting them in the dating meat-grinder, why don't we use the time to build good character into them? Why don't we help them think biblically and maturely about marriage, relationships, and family? I think that goes a lot farther than the dating alternative. #3 Dating places far too much sexual temptation on the soul of a child who is not ready to bear it. Our culture sexualizes everything... dating most of all. From the moment a couple pairs up, the pressure is on to hold hands, get physically close, kiss, touch each other's bodies, and everything that naturally follows. It's unhealthy and unwise to put children in that context. So think it though... here are some questions for you to consider: Is this child ready for the responsibility of their own child? Is this couple ready for the responsibility of a family? If not... dating is a bad idea. #4 - Dating encourages emotionalism that can easily cloud sound, godly judgment. Every Christian parent wants their child to marry a person who loves Jesus and is impacted by their personal walk with Him. But how many times does that happen in the normal dating scene? Very seldom. Here's an example of what happens instead: A young lady is allowed to get involved with a young man who is not all that the parents hope. He's probably not even all the the young lady hoped... but he's paying attention to her, saying sweet nothings, making her feel special... and it's hard for her to think about all the things he's not. She feels too many warm fuzzies being around him to let herself consider such logical matters. This scene could happen with a young man just as easily as a young woman. I've seen it in counseling and pastoral ministry countless times. What has happened? There isn't enough spiritual and emotional maturity developed yet... they don't have a chance of stepping back, considering reality, and making a godly decision... especially in a culture that tells them relationships of this type are all about the feelings. Dating sets that up... makes it the most likely outcome. That's dangerous, and we don't want any part of it. Those are some of the more vital reasons we decided that our children would not date. To us, it seemed like inviting a hungry lion into a sheepfold... and we wanted our little lambs to live to see the day they had the opportunity to raise their own little flock. How did we accomplish our children happily not dating? It's not as hard as you might think... unless you've waited too long to get started. #1 - We started young When our children were old enough to understand that there were such things as girls and boys, we began talking about the wonderful differences God created in male and female. We began explaining the way a man and woman come together in marriage to create a family. We began telling them how much the LORD loves marriage. Then we began talking about how a man and woman come to be in love, how they have to be mature, healthy, and grown-up enough to love and take care of the needs of another person. We'd even talk about how far our children were from being ready for that responsibility. Without fail, they saw it as clearly as we did and had no desire to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, no matter how "cute" it might be at a young age. #2 - We continued the conversation When our kids were eight, nine, ten, and eleven, we began talking about dating itself... mostly through discussing what we observed going on around them. We pointed out teen couples and asked our children what they thought. We asked them if they thought it was wise for a couple who is not old enough or mature enough to get married, to pair up like that. Without hesitation, they said, "No." They began to see for themselves that dating early is a silly thing. #3 - We introduced our plan Before we started talking about dating-alternatives, we first talked about what it takes to be a good companion. Maturity, selflessness, wisdom, self-control, willingness to serve, desire to care for another person. We helped our children see that before they'd be ready to pair up, they'd need to be well on their way in those and other areas. From there, we told them that we did not think it was wise for them to date at all until they were of an age that they could "do something about it" (get married). They saw it the same way and agreed to it, no problem. #4 - We watched carefully and continued to talk All of our discussion and planning didn't prevent crushes and puppy-love from showing up in our home. It wasn't long before one of our kids got asked out or to be somebody's girlfriend or boyfriend. Let me pause here to say this... if you've not been consistently pursuing your children with good communication up until this point, this is where they may try to hide things from you. If so, you're in for it. The early years of your relationship with your children establish healthy groundwork for the teen years. You have GOT to work at developing closeness with your children all the way along. Don't wait until the teen years and then expect that you're going to be able to pull off a healthy dating policy. You'll get serious push-back. So, back to my description... We didn't allow the crushes and invitations from potential significant others to go underground. We talked about them. We asked the child what they liked about the person. We asked if they felt warm inside or happy inside when they were with them. We wanted our kids to know that we  understood what they were feeling. But we also asked them again if they were ready for marriage. We asked them if they were ready to love that other person the way that a committed relationship requires. This helped them see that what they were feeling was only feelings... not a true gauge of their readiness. Then we'd remind them... "This is why we decided that you wouldn't date... remember?" They did... and we'd move ahead in unity. And we continued to talk, almost daily, as long as we knew the feelings of attraction were still there. Typically it wasn't long until the feelings went away and they were once again happily non-dating. It was kind of funny... by the time our kids were fourteen or fifteen, they were saying to us and others (with great conviction) the very things we'd said to them about dating. What happened when they were old enough to date? The story has been told many times already about what happened when my oldest son met his future wife. He was 19 at the time, and had been going to a weekly western dance at a camp near where we live because one of his friend's dads ran the thing. One Thursday evening when he and his sister (two years younger) were getting ready, she said, in our hearing, "Aaron, did you tell Mom and Dad about Hannah?" You'd better believe we stepped through that door... He told us about this cute red-head he'd met the week before, but he didn't seem as excited as I expected. So I asked him, "Do you like her? Do you think she might be a person you would marry?" He said, "Yeah, maybe." That's when I said the infamous phrase he's repeated many times... "What are you going to do about it?" He said that's when he realized that I thought he was ready. It mattered to him that I thought he was mature enough to pursue a loving relationship with a young woman... and that he'd do well at it. And he has.

Our culture tends to be a really self centered. There is not much grace for the personal weakness of others. And so, in step with our culture, a lot of the things that you hear talked about when it comes to the difficulties of married life have to do with one of the partners being bothered by the actions or attitudes of the other partner. As a result we hear complaining - we hear wishes of the things that the other spouse would do differently - and I think while that’s totally understandable, it is NOT the approach we as believers in Christ should be taking. This episode is all about THAT - what do you do when it comes to your spouse’s personal weaknesses? My contention - you should love them not only in spite of those weaknesses, you should also love them IN those weaknesses. Listen to this episode to hear my explanation. Subscribe to the CHAF Podcast On Android | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | Google Play | Podbean | Spreaker | Email What you’ll learn about loving your spouse’s personal weaknesses… [2:00] The different approach believers in Christ need to take when it comes to the weaknesses of others - including our spouse [7:20] The approach of proactive love in the areas of weakness your spouse experiences [8:54] Jesus is the perfect example of proactive love - like we need to express to our spouse What I've discovered about proactively loving the personal weaknesses of my spouse (and that she’s learned about mine)... It was 8 to 10 years into my marriage before Iearned a very important truth about the way I’m supposed to love my wife. It has to do with those things that my spouse struggles with personally. I'm talking about struggles here, things that give her a hard time in life - like in the securities and fears and doubts she feels, you know, those kinds of things that plague all of us but that we don't always readily want to admit to other people. You know you get to see those in your spouse better than you get to see them in anyone else. And as time goes on you get to learn what it is that pushes their buttons… Things that make them afraid Things that makes them doubt themselves Things that make them doubt God's work in their lives Instead of being bothered by those things, instead of being perturbed or irritated, or complaining - we as believers in Christ have a great opportunity to really care for our spouse in a proactive way when it comes to those things. Take the time to listen to this short episode to find out how you can do that - how you can help your spouse in those very areas of personal weakness that plague them the most - by your effective use of proactive love. Thinking ahead in light of your spouse’s personal weaknesses can help you help them through the power of love that never fails. Here’s how it works… Getting ourselves in a position where we're mindful of the struggles our spouses have, knowing the things that are hard for them is a great opportunity for us to help them overcome those very things that plague them the most. What we need to do is to love them in a way that tries to help them with those very issues ahead of time. I can give you an example or two from my experience - and my wife does not mind me sharing this with you because she shares this with people all the time. It’s one of the examples she often shares to enable others to understand what it is to be human and how we fight our own failings and our own insecurities day after day after day in order to better follow Christ. And so here's is the example when we first married. My wife had this tendency to be very very concerned about what people thought of her. You know… Did they approve of what she said there? Did they feel like she was being wise? Did they see her in some critical light or think badly of her? That may sound extreme but if we are honest we know that we all struggle with that sort of thing from time to time - we all have that sort of desire to please people. And with my wife, I had begun to notice that and how sometimes it became almost debilitating. She could be struggling with an insecurity, she could be struggling with some situation and it caused her to doubt herself - it caused her to to wonder if she was truly wise in the LORD. It caused her to have all kinds of questions about herself. When I began to notice how hard it was for her, the LORD gave me an idea. I was to help her know the TRUTH about what He was doing in her, about the gifts of wisdom and insight He had given her, by encouraging and affirming her in those very areas. It served as a counteractive force against the insecurities she was feeling so that eventually, she could begin to believe and act on the truth. This episode is about that - learning about your spouse’s weaknesses for the sake of helping them overcome them. Listen - please, listen. This could change your marriage. The love of Jesus (dying on the cross) demonstrates the way we are to sacrifice in order to meet the exact needs of others, especially those we love most When Jesus died on the cross, He did so in part to love us IN our weaknesses. Before we were even born - think about that - we were on His mind when He was on the cross. No, we did not deserve His love, we did not have any sense in which we were competent in and of ourselves - yet Jesus came to die for us, to love us ahead of time because He knew the need we were going to have. Our love for our spouse is to mirror the love of Christ for His church. We are able through His strength to NOT be irritated by our spouse’s personal weaknesses or insecurities, or the same old struggles that they might go through again and again and again. Instead, we have an opportunity. to minister to those areas of need, those areas of weakness - we have an opportunity to help for them overcome those things in a proactive way. I hope this concept is striking a home with you. Because I know we all, throughout the course of our lives, feel various times of irritation with our spouse. And it's in those moments that we have to learn, we have to remember, that Christ in us wants to help our spouse, He actually wants them to grow out of the struggle to be a person who overcomes BECAUSE OF His power in their life. And that can be done, in part, by the way we love the mess our spouse can be in at times. We don't give up on them just like Jesus does not give up on them. We don't resign ourselves to the fact that “That's just the way they are!” No, instead, we hold out hope for them. We rest in the fact that Christ is not finished in with the work He's is doing in them - and that we as their spouse are one of the primary tools He will use to enable them to overcome those very struggles that are so bothersome to us. Connect With Carey and Christian Home and Family Website: www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com On Facebook On Twitter On YouTube

A while back my wife and I were talking about absolutes... As we sat over coffee at our favorite local hangout (my favorite drink is a "Honey Badger," with a little extra "badger" - you should try one), we were trying to soak in the blessings God has poured out on our lives. We both teared up at times (which happens when you realize how much you don't deserve all the goodness you get from God). >

Why would I throw in my thoughts on such a popular and written-to-death sort of subject?  Because what I consider to be the KEY to raising godly children has not been said enough, or loudly enough. Subscribe to the CHAF Podcast On Android | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | Google Play | Podbean | Spreaker | Email   The key to raising godly children is to first be a godly parent. Don't hear me saying you have to be perfect. Don't hear me saying you have to make no mistakes. DO hear me saying... your relationship with Jesus had better be authentic, not just something that you do on Sundays. It had better be something more than religious actions. It had better be more than moralistic teaching and corresponding rules. It must be an ongoing, vibrant, up-and-down-but-always-headed-upward RELATIONSHIP with Jesus. Anything less will smell of hypocrisy, and it will absolutely stink in the nostrils of your children. You can't fool them. They will know if you are a fake, and they will know if you really mean and live what you say. [gn_quote style="1"]Your kids want and need the real thing... Jesus. The best way you can give them Jesus is to give Jesus all of yourself. The LORD has shown me this personally. I've seen the teachable, eager hearts of my children in response to my own honest struggles to know the LORD. And I've seen disinterested, doubtful responses when the churchy words coming out of my mouth don't match the attitude of my heart. What does it look like? Your children need to hear you talk about Jesus as if He is real to you... in the day to day circumstances of life. Your children need to hear you pray in a way that shows that you truly KNOW the Person you are talking with. Your children need to see your love for Jesus carried out in obvious ways - commitment to a local church, genuine worship, and a desire to honor Him in all you do. Your children need to know by your own devotion that prayer and Bible reading are not just “things you do,” but the lifeblood of your existence. Your children need to see you so absorbed by Jesus that they want to take part in something that is so obviously wonderful. How to raise godly children Begin with the last half of this post title. Start by considering the spiritual health of the parent(s) who raise your children.  Here are some questions to help you begin... Do YOU love Jesus (the LORD your God) with all YOUR heart, all YOUR soul, all YOUR mind, and all YOUR strength? (Mark 12:30) Or is there something else (spouse, work, hobbies, money, etc.) that you love more? Do YOU love your neighbor (irritating co-worker, demanding boss, pesky neighbor, weird relative) as you love yourself? (Mark 12:31) Do YOU seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness? (Matthew 6:33) Or are you more concerned with bank accounts, life-insurance, retirement funds, and upward mobility? Do YOU set apart Christ as LORD in YOUR own heart? (1 Peter 3:15)   Start there. Go on by asking the Spirit of God to help you begin moving more diligently toward Him. Ask Him to GIVE you a heart that seeks Him first and foremost. He delights to answer those types of prayers. Don't even think about raising godly children if you are not first and genuinely seeking to be a godly parent. Q: What do YOU need to do in order to move closer to Christ as a parent?  

A spiritual leader is not the person who has all the right, holy-sounding answers. A spiritual leader is a person who humbly goes first in serving others. That’s one of the many lessons I’ve learned about what it means to be a spiritual leader in my family over the past almost-30 years. This episode of the Christian Home and Family podcast is aimed at gaining a greater understanding of two of the key biblical passages that speak to the issue of spiritual leadership in the home. In each of the passages, husbands are singled out as the ones responsible to take spiritual leadership in their home. The first passage, Ephesians 5, points out very clearly that spiritual leadership is an act of service, self-sacrificing service. No man who understands spiritual leadership is going to be domineering or demanding toward the people in his home. Instead, he will be gracious, patient, and loving because those are the demeanors of a servant leader. This recording contains my off-the-cuff thoughts about how men should approach the issue of spiritual leadership end to grow in their ability to be The Godly spiritual leader in their homes. Subscribe to the CHAF Podcast On Android | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | Google Play | Podbean | Spreaker | Email   Here’s a rough outline of Lessons for Spiritual Leaders [0:58] The home as the foundational element of society - and why we need to take a more diligent approach to that issue. [4:37] Looking at Ephesians 5 - A husband’s sacrificial role as a spiritual leader [11:20] Questions for husbands to consider about their spiritual leadership [14:58] 1 Peter 3:7 - Learning to be understanding of our wives [26:17] What does it mean that a woman is said to be a “weaker vessel?” [34:05] What does it mean to be a spiritual leader? Humility and Initiative Many times one of the first things we think about when it comes to Jesus is His self-sacrificing nature But how often do we consider that his leadership was being expressed in that sacrifice? As He said Himself, he did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many. That is the kind of leadership the Apostle Paul describes when he speaks of men being the spiritual leader in their homes. It's not an easy kind of life to live. It's not a “me on top” existence. it is a life like Jesus lived, serving those who were under His care. In this podcast episode, I take you through Ephesians 5 with a view toward understanding why that kind of self-sacrifice is required for husbands in order to leave their wives and their families into a place of Health, spiritual strength, and eventual maturity. Spiritual leaders also work hard to understand those they lead Those who are the best leaders are typically also the ones who have done the best job of understanding the people that they lead. In 1st Peter chapter 3 husbands are taught to live with their wives in an understanding way. What does that mean, exactly? It may sound overly simplistic but one of the primary meanings is that husbands need to understand that their wives are women, not men. Don't let the simple nature of that statement for you. There's so much that goes into a good understanding of your wife as a woman. It could take a lifetime to learn. But I'm convinced that men who are willing to become students of their wives can be empowered by the Spirit of God to love their wives in a way that transforms their own home. In this episode of the podcast, I share my understanding of 1st Peter 3:7 and how husbands can Learn to live with their wives in an understanding way, and in so doing, enrich the generational Legacy of their families. Resources & People Mentioned www.DesiringGod.org - The ministry of John Piper Connect With Carey and Christian Home and Family Website: www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com On Facebook On Twitter On YouTube Subscribe to the CHAF Podcast On Android | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | Google Play | Podbean | Spreaker | Email  

I hope it’s your desire to learn everything you need to know about parenting from the Bible. I say that because, in my experience, the Bible is all we need. Psychology has its place, as do good books from Christian authors. But in the end, the truth expressed in scripture about how we live our lives as Christ-followers applies across the board. That means that how the Bible instructs us to behave as Christians can and should be applied to the way we lead, teach, and discipline our children. In short: parenting from the Bible is the best way to go. On this episode of the podcast I wanted to share a parenting mindset with you… It’s really nothing new, but perhaps I’m going to say it in a way you haven’t heard before. It’s a way of thinking about the act of parenting that my wife have adopted - and we feel it would benefit anyone who takes the time to understand it and apply it in their parenting. Yes, it’s what I’ve just described, taking everything we need to know about parenting from the Bible - but I’m doing so in a way that I hope is fresh, clear, and concise - so you can cut through the fog of the parenting philosophies out there and see the common sense truth of what God has to say to us. Subscribe to the CHAF Podcast On Android | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | Google Play | Podbean | Spreaker | Email   Here’s a rough outline of this episode about REALITY PARENTING [0:59] The difficult job of being a parent and the confusion parents face today [2:52] As parents we should be discussing reality with our children [3:39] The death of Fluffy: an illustration of NOT applying reality perspective [7:52] What the Bible reveals as your job as a parent [11:25] How a lack of reality parenting handicaps your kids [13:06] A better way to handle the death of Fluffy [18:12] How reality parenting can encourage genuine faith in our kids So, reality parenting - what IS it? My wife and I have come to refer to the way we parent as “reality parenting” because it seems to best describe the way we approach parenting, with simplicity. It’s teaching your kids to handle life according to reality. We don’t shade the truth. We don’t hide difficult things from them. We don’t sanitize things to protect their little ears. (Yes, there are age-appropriate issues to consider, but I don’t really address that on this episode). And when I say “according to reality” I mean that in a handful of ways… First, the reality of what happens in the world - in their world - as harsh as it might be. Second, I mean the reality of God being present IN those things - and the impact that can have for them even at a very young age. Third, I mean the reality that whatever circumstances may come their way, God is the one who has brought it into their life. And talking about it in those ways requires lots of discussion, on their level, with absolute honesty and a compassionate, listening ear. Like I say at the beginning of this episode - parenting is probably the hardest job in the world. I believe THAT is parenting from the Bible, the way the Bible teaches Granted, the Bible never uses the phrase “reality parenting.” But it does tell us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). It does tell us to walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). And there’s lots more - but I think you get my point. Our job as parents is to apply those things to our own life, then to help our kids learn how to live them out as well, where they are in life at the moment difficulties arise. What about the REALLY hard stuff that could damage our children? I know there are difficult things children shouldn’t have to deal with. But generally speaking (GENERALLY SPEAKING, please know there are exceptions to this in my mind) that’s simply the way things are in a fallen world. Our job - OUR JOB as parents is to help our children navigate what IS, not what we WISH was the case. And more than helping them navigate it, we are to help them hold onto unwavering faith in the sovereign God of the universe while they navigate it. That’s how we build a legacy of faith that can last generations. It’s hard work. Very hard work. It won’t happen by soft-selling life, coddling our kids’ emotions, or preventing anything difficult or uncomfortable from entering their world. That sets them up for true disappointment when everything they THOUGHT about God and life proves to be untrue - because their well-intentioned parents withheld the truth from them. No thanks. You think it’s hard to parent kids the “reality parenting” way - just try to pick up the pieces from THAT kind of disappointment. In this audio you’ll hear my overview of what I’m calling “reality parenting,” from the Bible :) Connect With Carey and Christian Home and Family Website: www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com On Facebook On Twitter On YouTube Subscribe to the CHAF Podcast On Android | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | Google Play | Podbean | Spreaker | Email  

  The foundation of a marriage is an important thing. That’s because foundations are important. You don’t think about them much, but without them everything falls apart. Behind the three vital things I’ve covered in the last few episodes - Commitment, Communication, and Connection - there rests a foundation that holds them all in place. And like the foundation of a house, without this foundation every marriage, Christian or not, will be far less than what it was intended to be. What is the foundation of a marriage that honors Christ? God exists, and He is ours and we are His. Join me as we explore the amazing majesty of our God. Subscribe to the CHAF Podcast On Android | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | Google Play | Podbean | Spreaker | Email  

The kind of marriage connection you want is possible… But you have to understand that it’s built upon other things - the individual relationships you and your spouse have with God through Christ, AND the healthy, ongoing communication you establish with each other. Only then, can the connection and unity you desire in your marriage come to fruition. This episode is the 3rd talk I gave at a recent marriage retreat on the 3 Cs of a Christ-honoring marriage. Subscribe to the CHAF Podcast On Android | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | Google Play | Podbean | Spreaker | Email  

In a Christian marriage, communication is one of the foundational things that enables man and wife to live together in harmony. But more important is the WHY it’s so vital. It’s because without communication a wife and her husband are unable to understand the state of the other’s ongoing commitment to Christ and be of benefit to them in that journey. This audio is the 2nd in a series of talks I gave recently at a marriage retreat. We had some technical issues with my recording device (cell phone interference) but I believe the content is valuable enough to ask you to struggle through the tech issues and glean some benefit anyway. Subscribe to the CHAF Podcast On Android | Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | Google Play | Podbean | Spreaker | Email  

www.ChristiandHomeandFamily.com Carey@ChristianHomeandFamily.com I was recently asked to speak at a marriage retreat here in the mountains of Colorado. My topic, for four sessions was this... The 3 Cs of a Christ-Honoring Marriage Those 3 Cs are: Commitment, Communication, and Connection. This episode features the first of those talks - Commitment. And it's not the kind of commitment you might think of when you consider marriage.  Take a listen to this episode to find out about the fundamental commitment each partner in a marriage must have in order to have a truly Christ-honoring relationship.

  I am one of those people who believes that marriage restoration is possible for any Christ-following couple who is willing to seek God for the type of healing that only He can bring. I’ve seen it happen. So I can confidently say that there is hope for your marriage if you are willing to humbly submit to God’s plan for restoring it. This episode of the podcast is a recording I made as I was driving to pick up my wife from the airport after a visit to her sister’s home in North Carolina. The thoughts were coming rapidly so I decided to record it - and I’m glad I did. Please forgive the noisy environment - it was in the car. And it was raining. But God gave me a message of hope that I believe is intended for some very specific people I haven’t met yet. But He knows who they are. I trust you’ll find this episode to be a blessing. Marriage restoration can only happen for those who humbly seek it. I’ve seen far too many people resort to divorce when they honestly haven’t tried everything they could to restore their relationship. Sometimes it baffles me that individuals would invest so many years of their lives in a relationship and then NOT do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to restore it. I know pain happens in marriage. I know betrayals go deep. But I also know that many couples who divorce don’t really need to if they would simply trust God to provide the means of healing they need. On this episode I provide a few simple steps for those who want to fight for their marriage, who want to see God restore it. Outline of This Episode [2:08] How we were counseled that “divorce” should never be in our vocabulary. [4:55] Why divorce is contrary to the real purpose of marriage. [11:10] It’s never too late to recommit to God’s purpose for your marriage. [16:45] The kind of faith that matters the most for restoring your marriage. Resources & People Mentioned www.ChristianHomeAndFamily.com/intensives Carey(at)ChristianHomeAndFamily(dot)com

This one is my story - of how I learned the importance of good stewardship - not over the money or possessions I have been given - but over something much more important. The PEOPLE in my life. Contact me at Carey@ChristianHomeandFamily.com   

On becoming "Grand-Pop" As I've been considering the implications of the birth of this second generation that has sprung from me, I've been sobered. Though Wyatt's upbringing falls mainly on my son and his sweet wife, Hannah, I have a deep conviction in my soul that I am responsible in some very important ways as well. Here are some of the things that come to mind: For now, they live in the same town as we do, so I have the opportunity to invest the seeds of what God has done in my life, into his life personally - through my interaction with his parents and by building my very own relationship with him (I'm "Grand-Pop," by the way). When/if they move away (I'll hate that day when/if it comes), I'll have to be intentional about those things long-distance. I'll have to write letters, send e-mails, make phone calls, do video calls... whatever it takes to make sure that I'm adding to Wyatt's life what the LORD would have me add. I can always pray for him... and I'm learning not to take that lightly. I believe that as James says, the prayers of a righteous man avail much (James 5:16). Through Christ I have the opportunity to capitalize on the righteousness He has given to me, on Wyatt's behalf. I can pray for him confidently, powerfully, and according to the truth of God and EXPECT to see good come of it. I'm just learning to do that as I begin my Grand-Pop journey. A great pattern for prayer Though I've been a believer in Christ for many years, and have practiced prayer for all that time, I feel like I'm JUST NOW beginning to learn how to pray. I'm just now devoting significant blocks of time to the practice, just now beginning to understand some of what Jesus taught about it, and just now really beginning to apply the head knowledge I've had all these years. [pullquote]When it comes to prayer, I'm sorrowful it's taken me so long to learn... but grateful for the LORD's patience, mercy, and grace to get me where I need to be.[/pullquote] Just yesterday, as I was going through my prayer list, I came upon Wyatt's name. The gravity of my responsibility as his "Grand-Pop" almost crushed me. I realized that my prayers for him matter greatly. I wanted to do my utmost to call down the blessing of heaven on his new, but significant life. As I thought about his infant soul (he's just turned 5 months old) I quickly realized that his main need at this point in life is for the LORD to become his... and for him to become the LORD's. Wyatt, though an "innocent" child, is not innocent at all. He's born a sinner and therefore needs the Savior. I want redemption for him. I want forgiveness for him. I want the new life in Christ that the scriptures promise for all who will believe. I want Wyatt to believe. So I began to pray... and found myself praying according to the pattern of the "parable of the sower" Matthew 13:3-9. There, Jesus describes a farmer who is planting seed, a symbol of the truth of God. He also describes 4 different soils, symbols for the human soul, where the farmer plants the seed. Different things result in each case. Here's how Jesus describes it and defines it: VS 3-4: A sower went out to sow.And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Jesus' interpretation - VS 19: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. I don't want Wyatt's soul to be the kind that is confused or unable to grasp the truth of the word of God's kingdom. I want him to be able to understand. If he's not able to understand, our enemy, the devil, will come and snatch away the seeds his parents and others are planting in his soul. So I pray for Wyatt to be open, receptive, and given understanding to grasp the word of God. VS 5-6: Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Jesus' interpretation - VS 20-21: As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. I don't want the good work Wyatt's parents are doing in teaching him the ways of the LORD to be something that stays on the surface. I want to see him take it in, deeply, and grow from it. So I pray that the cares of the world and the hardships of life would not be able to quench the joy he can have from a true knowledge of the LORD. VS 7: Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Jesus' interpretation - VS 22: As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. It would break my heart to see Wyatt raised in a home that honors and teaches the word of God faithfully, yet somehow, the deceitfulness of prosperity and the cares of life in a fallen world are able to make him so self-centered and self-protective that he rejects the word for the sake of gaining other, temporary, lesser things. So I pray for Wyatt to have a delight in the word of God... to see it for the treasure that it truly is. I ask the LORD to do this over and over and over in his life each day. VS 8: Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. Jesus' interpretation - VS 23: As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty. THIS is the kind of life I want for Wyatt, the kind of soul I want the LORD to create in him. I pray that the LORD will make Wyatt's soul into "good soil," able to receive the word of God in all its fullness and power. I want him to understand it, to understand his own need for it, and for that understanding to bear the fruit of a godly, overcoming, God-honoring life. A prayer for my grandson Here's the actual prayer I prayed that day... straight from my journal: Wyatt is in great need of Your redemption dear LORD. He is yet to see his own sin, much less be able to repent of it. Father, prepare the soil of his soul for the seed of Your word. Make it good soil - free of the rocks that prohibit growth and free of the bent toward worries that would cloud his view and fill his heart with fear or self interest. Do not allow the thorns and cares of the world to choke out the seed of truth, the life of Jesus that can set him free. LORD Jesus, make Wyatt into good soil, ready to receive Your word at the appointed time, ready to produce the hundredfold fruit and blessings You have in store for his lifetime. Why I wrote this post I don't recount this story to brag or make you think highly of me or my family. I am what I am by the grace of God, and for no other reason (1 Corinthians 15:10). I write this post to spark your thinking about how YOU can pray for those under your care or in your family line... Your spouse Your children Your grandchildren Your great grandchildren Your parents Your siblings Your distant relatives And the list goes on... Who could you be praying for along the lines of Jesus' parable? Who needs YOUR interceding prayer? Will you rise to the challenge and take on warfare for the sake of their soul?

Many parents, Christian or otherwise, have the hardest time letting go of adult children. There’s no easy way to do it and no magic formula that makes everything turn out perfectly. But there is a realization that I’ve come to as I’ve watched 3 of my children move into adulthood: God is faithful - even now - even after I’ve not done everything I could have done to set them on the best path possible.   Now that your kids are adults, are you beating yourself up about the way you raised them?   If you are, know that you’re not alone. We all have regrets after the fact. We look back with a wisdom we didn’t have at the time - possibly even with insights we have from the school of hard-knocks. We wish we’d done something different, something better. And when our children begin to go down the “not so good” path we set them on through our ignorance or neglect, and continue to do so into adulthood, we can be very hard on ourselves. But I’ve been learning that it’s not too late and that God can bring redemption. After all, it’s what He specializes in. When letting go of your adult children is hard, cling to God instead.   Whether you think you did a good job raising your kids or not, it’s easy to second-guess and it’s easy to want to “ensure” that your kids make the right choices as they move into adulthood. But the reality is that you can’t do that. They are adults now - and need to be ALLOWED to be adults, bad choices and all. But that doesn’t mean you take a back seat, that you simply leave them to their own devices. You can cling to God in faith, trusting His faithfulness to guide your children as you let go of them. That’s what this episode is about - my realization of how true that reality is - and some words of encouragement for those who may be in the same boat.   Connect With Carey   Carey(at)ChristianHomeAndFamily(dot)com On Twitter On Facebook

Seasons of change are part of life. There’s no avoiding it. Sometimes the season can linger for much longer than we like. Other times it’s fairly brief. And as is common for almost everyone, change is hard to handle. The same goes for me. I’ve been away from the Christian Home and Family podcast and website for some time. You may have seen a few blog posts pop up here and there when something was on my heart, but the truth is that I’ve been anything but consistent. This episode of the jump-started podcast is aimed at explaining my absence and hopefully, I can also give you some idea of where I think this thing is headed in the future. Unexpected seasons of change and how to handle them If you’ve never been through an unexpected and significant season of change I can tell you, it’s something that throws your whole world off kilter. The things you thought you were supposed to be doing suddenly lose their place in the list of priorities. You have to restructure almost everything. At least that’s how it was for me. But I learned something powerfully important during my most recent time of change. I’d like to share it with you on this episode. Where is God when sudden and unexpected changes hit? When sudden unexpected changes come to significant areas of your life, things like your career - that was it for me - it can be very disheartening and disorienting. It’s easy to question God, to wonder where He is in the mess. It’s hard to believe but He’s right there, in the middle of the mess. In fact, He’s the one who’s making it - and for good purposes that you can’t see. You can hear how it happened to me and what I learned from it if you make the time to listen. I hope you will. Is radical faith for generations still on my radar? I started a podcast way back in 2012 (I think). The Christian Home and Family podcast - and it’s taken on many different forms since then - is something I still love and still want to promote. But I simply haven’t had the time over the past 3 or 4 years. But I THINK that is changing. So I’m giving it a go again. Here’s my approach and what I’m thinking. I hope you’ll get on board to help me challenge Christ-following parents to set their sights higher, to radical faith that lasts for generations. Connect With CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY Carey(at)ChristianHomeAndFamily.com

Family conflicts can make life inside the home horrendous. Nobody wants to be around when arguing, fighting, and complaining are the norm. So how do you get past the arguing? You get past it by preventing it in the first place. And you do that through working hard toward every person in the family having a right relationship with God.

Yes, really. I know we'd all like to know how to stop sinning, and the truth is that the Bible gives us plain, simple instructions for how to do it. But even though it's simple, it's not easy. Every believer in Christ has the opportunity to apply what John says (1 John) and stop sinning. It's a daily, step by step discipline we have to develop. This episode of the podcast is going to highlight the only path to stop sinning, and give some tips on how to move in that direction.

God seems to love illustrations and symbols. The scriptures are full of them: sheep, goats, seeds, plants, vines, brides and bridegrooms, light, darkness - you get the idea. This episode uses the biblical illustration of light to show you a fun and effective way that you can use light to teach your family that God is light, and what that means for their lives.

There are a million different ways you could get into the scriptures and get the scriptures into you. But here's one that's honestly new to me, taught to me by my daughter. I call it the 30 day Bible saturation, and it's really a cool way to get yourself immersed in some of the main themes of scripture in a very contextual way.

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE - TRUE OR FALSE? In this episode of the podcast we'll be considering a very common statement I hear from people who have lived for many years in a painful or hurtful circumstance. "I can't do this anymore." I know how you feel, but is it true? Well, yes and no. I can't count the number of times I've either heard someone say, or have said myself, "I can't do this anymore." We say it after a prolonged time of endurance, when the difficulty, frustration, we've been hoping will go away, hasn't. In that moment, when the same old, wearisome thing is happening for the thousandth time, it's natural to give in to the frustration and hurt and say, "I can't do this anymore." But as a believer in Christ, is that a true statement? Yes, and no. On the one hand, it is true. You are not God, which means you have limits to your capacity for pain and your ability to endure hardship. You have emotional limits, places where you simply can't endure another hurtful word or neglectful act. You get to the end of your rope because you are human. So it's true, there are times in life when you can truthfully say, "I can't do this anymore." Scripture even bears it out. John 15:5 says, "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." Think about the picture Jesus is painting. He is like a vine; rooted, strong, supplying all the nutrients and water that the rest of the plant needs. We are the branches, entirely dependent on what He provides. Apart from Him (the vine), we cannot produce fruit or even survive. That's the place where we can't endure the hard things of life. It's when we are operating in our own limited strength and according to our own limited resources. The hardships and pain become too much and we scream the words, "I can't do this anymore!" But there's another side to to what Jesus said, isn't there? It's the side that makes our cry of frustration untrue. Jesus' main point is that even though your situation is hard and even though your resources are limited, you don't have to give up. You can not only endure, but you can produce good godly fruit in that difficult situation. You do it by abiding in Christ. But that's a church-word, what does it really mean? My understanding is that abiding in Christ means that you stay close to Him relationally. You get to know Him on a personal level. You learn to relate to Him on a deeply spiritual level, where His Holy Spirit becomes your strength and guide. Naturally, that's going to require dedicated time in the scriptures. It's going to take a commitment to prayer. It's going to demand that you get into relationships with people who can and will help you develop a deeper interaction with Jesus. All that to say, when prolonged difficulties tempt you to abandon your resolve and give up hope in the situation, you have the ability, through Jesus, to not only endure, but to thrive. But you have to believe that deep down because God says it is true. HE is the one who says that if you rely on His strength, He will accomplish much more in and through you than you ever thought possible. Practically, that means that if you feel the situation is too much to bear and that you should get out, you need to stop and check in with the LORD. What is HE telling you? What would HE have you do? Looking at biblical examples of those who we call "heroes of the faith" I find many of them who God kept right in the middle of their difficult circumstances, and brought about amazing things as a result. The example that sticks in my mind the most is Joseph. The majority of his story is one of suffering and mistreatment. He was betrayed by his own brothers and sold into slavery. He was wrongly accused by his slave master's wife and thrown in prison. He stayed in that prison for over 2 years. Yet in every stage of those injustices, God turned the difficulty into a path of blessing, for Joseph and for others. Folks, we are FAR too short-sighted to know what is going to come of the hardship or pain we are enduring at any given moment... and we surely don't know what the LORD is doing through it. In times like that, when the pain is the most intense we have got to take our focus off the situation and onto the LORD. We've got to look beyond the discomfort of the moment so that we can submit ourselves to the will of God in the situation. So, if you are in a difficult marriage, or if you are enduring hardship with your children right now, or you're carrying a long-standing burden of another kind, you need to take your eyes off the issues you're experiencing and put your focus on the LORD's will for you. Don't let the pain cause you to convince yourself that God's will is to "get out." Hebrews 10:36 tells us that we have need of endurance, so that when we have done the will of God we may receive what is promised. There is more at stake in this than your present comfort. God has bigger things in mind... for you, and for your family. RADICAL FAITH FOR GENERATIONS IS WHAT CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY IS AIMING AT. I'D LOVE TO HELP YOU HEAD TOWARD THAT GOAL FOR YOUR FAMILY. PLEASE CONTACT ME AT CHRISTIANHOMEANDFAMILY.COM/CONTACT

Life gets crazy. Work demands, soccer games, home repairs, shopping trips, relationships to maintain, and important, ongoing conversations to have. It's enough to make you the most inflexible person alive!   On top of all that is the heart-cry we all have to discover and do what God is calling us to. I don't know about you, but I'm in THAT place almost all the time... wondering what the LORD wants me to do when I grow up.   My family is in that place right now, prayerfully trying to determine what the LORD is leading us to and how we are to get there. It's a confusing, unclear time... but one where we're learning some very valuable lessons.   Most of all, we're learning the family life requires a great deal of flexibility, because we are not God. We get our plans in place, work toward them, but many times find that our plans were not God's plans. Sound familiar to anyone?   This episode covers a very helpful truth I've discovered that's helping to take the pressure off by increasing my faith. Family life has never been so good when I'm able to keep the truth in mind!  

OK parents, it's time to get real. Life is too short for us to spend it in the aimless pursuit of status, stuff, or personal satisfaction. There's too much at stake.   God has given us one of the most wonderful AND most daunting responsibilities we could ever have and it's one that is intended to change the course of history. We're not just living, we're not just raising kids, we're building a foundation of radical Christian faith that can last for generations.You and I are responsible before almighty God for the eternal destiny, not only of ourselves and our immediate families, but also for the generations to come. Just like your grandkids and great grandkids will be able to trace their blood ancestry through you, they will be able to trace their spiritual heritage through you as well. Your children's children, and their children, and their children, though unborn, are depending on YOU to build the spiritual foundations that will enable them to know Christ personally, to live their lives by the power of His Spirit, and to lead THEIR families into an authentic, radical faith that endures.Imagine generation after generation of your family, knowing, living, and passing on the powerful legacy of genuine Christian faith. Imagine the impact they could have on the world. Imagine the day when your life is over and you land in the presence of God. What would it be like to realize on that day, that hundreds, even thousands of years of your descendants have walked faithfully in the ways of the Savior because of your radical faith in Christ, begun years before? That's not an impossible dream... if you will do one thing. Make sure that YOUR life is one of deep relationship with Jesus Christ, today. Then do the same thing tomorrow and the day after that. Don't let a day pass when you are not pursuing your relationship with Jesus more than the day before. Commit yourself to knowing Jesus as deeply and powerfully as you can, so that His life becomes manifest in yours. The results of that kind of daily faithfulness will be a ripple of radical Christian faith that transforms the generations of your family. It starts small, in the changes Christ makes in you personally. The work He begins in you will spill over into your marriage relationship, bringing about changes you never thought possible. And as your children witness the transforming power of Christ in you and in your marriage, they will be irresistably drawn to the radical faith that makes that kind of transformation possible. As they come to faith in Christ, the ripple will continue as you teach and model what it looks like to walk with Jesus day by day, to depend on Jesus for every need, to humble yourself under His leadership, and to make every decision and take every step with the aim to bring Him glory and honor. Your kids will see His peace, and power, and blessing that are yours because of your radical faith, they'll see it multiplied in your family, and they'll begin to experience the fruit of it in their own lives. Until finally, they leave your home filled with the fruit of a family that experienced the reality of Christ day after day. They will be determined to see the fruit of that radical faith expressed in their own lives. As wonderful as that dream is, it's much too small. There are generations of children still to come, your descendants, who will be affected by the radical faith you begin nurturing now. Jesus likened it to a tiny seed that grows until it becomes a mighty tree, and I'm telling you that what may seem to you to be a tiny seed of faith in your heart right now, can grow in the power of God's Spirit into a mighty family tree that demonstrates God's transforming power. All that begins with you parents, today, right now. It begins with your commitment to pursue Jesus with all that you are. You have to be the authentic, growing, humble CHRISTIAN example your children need to see before they will believe that Jesus is real and the He is able to transform and use even the weakest and most humble person. So where do you start? 1) On your knees. Stop everything and turn to Jesus in utter dependence. Rid yourself of every attempt to be strong in yourself and ask Him to fill you with His desires for you and your family. Affirm your desire to pursue Him in everything. Ask Him to help you, to transform you, to give you the strength you need to chase after Him for the rest of your life. 2) Talk with your family about what's happened in your heart. Begin to paint the vision of what Jesus can do in the generations of your family. Tell them that you are going first, you're taking the lead to let Jesus make YOU into all you need to be to lead the family into that place of greatest blessing. Ask them to pray for you, to encourage you, to hold you accountable. 3) Connect with others who are committed to the same glorious goal. Ideally that would be in your local church, but if you can't find people there, look further. I've created an on-line community for that purpose, if you'd like to find out more, click the link shown in the video or go to www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/community to find out more. 4) Establish daily habits to fuel the fire. You need daily time with Jesus. He is your life (Galatians 2:20) To help you get started, I've created many resources to help you grow in your relationship with Jesus. Everything one of them has a free version so that nothing stands in the way of you getting started right away. You can find those resources by clicking the link in the video or by going to www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store Parents, it's time to get real. There's too much at stake for you and I to waste another precious minute of life. The generational faithfulness of your family depends on the work God does in YOUR life, starting today. What are you going to do ? It's my prayer that you will take your responsibility seriously and begin nurturing a radical Christian faith of your own... for the sake of seeing radical faith for generations in YOUR family.

USING SCRIPTURE IN FAMILY DEVOTIONS HOW DO YOU ACTUALLY DO A FAMILY DEVOTIONAL TIME? For my family it consists of three parts: Song, Scripture, Prayer We covered the song part last week  - www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/82 This week we'll talk about how to include scripture in your family devotional time. Here's an example of how I'd go about it… let's use this passage...   Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. - Psalm 103:1-5   TAKE IT SLOW Make sure words like "bless", "soul", "benefits", and "iniquity" are understood... remember podcast 81? Explore the meanings through discussion (you don't have to give all the answers). There's going to be no meaning and no impact if the passage is not understood. Depending on the age / spiritual maturity you may only take 1 verse at a time - that's OK. ASK QUESTIONS (that require more than "yes / no" answers) - here are some examples: What are some reasons the LORD wants us to bless Him? What do you think it means that God's name is "holy?" What is forgiveness? How has God forgiven you? What impression does this passage give you of God? TELL STORIES FROM YOUR OWN LIFE THAT ARE APPLICABLE Your kids need to hear about God's work in your life. It gives them real-life examples. It demonstrates a pattern of how God deals with people. It shows them how sinful people can relate to God. END WITH PERSONAL APPLICATION - here's some examples I might ask based on this passage... Let's list all the benefits the LORD has given to our family, or to us as individuals. What ideas do you have of how WE can bless the LORD for all He's done? Carey does speaking on this and other topics. You can find out more here. Music used by permission of Adam Rey at www.HeyReyGuitar.com

USING MUSIC IN FAMILY DEVOTIONS Including music for the sake of worship is not an easy task for most people If you're not musically inclined, what do you do? Before we get into the "how" part of including music in your family worship, there's one other step we need to take first... Talk with your family about the "WHY" behind singing… Why do we sing to God in the first place? It's not only that it's fun (though it is), it's one way that we worship God. And remember, younger children may need an explanation of worship. See podcast 81 for details on how to go about that. In singing we are speaking truths about God and to God When we sing ABOUT God, it's for our sake - to increase our faith and remind us of the truths we believe. When we sing TO God, it's in worship, for all that He is and does, to show our love and appreciation. Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song. (Ps. 95:1-2)  The easiest way I've found to use music is to make use of "sing along songs" These are songs that you may have on a CD, mp3, or other source that is professionally produced... and your family just sings along! You have a professional leading you, so the pressure's off. You don't have to be musical at all. No instruments are needed, though you could include them if you like. Everyone will be able to follow along Most of the time, kids love it. Find this kind of music on YouTube, internet apps like Spotify or your own collection. A method that's a bit harder is to use a Hymnal or song book You have to know the songs well in order to do this one, and someone needs to be able to sing moderately well to start the tunes. You can sing a cappella (no instruments) if you know the songs well. Another option is to use songs the kids know from Sunday school (Jesus loves me, This little light of mine, etc.) What if they won't sing? When a person won't sing, it's usually a heart issue, not a singing issue. Find out what's going on. Is there some embarrassment? Bitterness? Something painful that needs to be explored? Your job is not to get them sing, but to find out why they won't. Patient, loving inquiries will get you there in time. Next week - Using scripture in Family devotions Carey does speaking on this and other topics. You can find out more here. Music used by permission of Adam Rey at www.HeyReyGuitar.com

FAMILY DEVOTIONS WITH YOUNG KIDS IN THE MIX Before we begin to talk about the "how to" portion of family devotions with younger kids involved, let's remind ourselves of the purpose of family devotions... PURPOSE OF FAMILY DEVOTIONS: Facilitate heart-level connection between your family members and the God of the universe. That kind of connection IS possible in the hearts and minds of younger kids. Don't underestimate their capacity to make very real connections with the living God. The challenges with YOUNGER CHILDREN: Attention span Understanding Mixture of ages (How can you engage the younger children without losing the older ones - or vice versa?) SUGGESTIONS FOR DEVOTIONS WITH YOUNGER KIDS 1. Think like a child… Don't assume too much God, Jesus, sin, cross - all of these are words they may not understand. 2. Take it slow… Ask questions to gauge comprehension Don't move ahead if they don't get it Make deeper topics a project, over time 3. Keep it simple… One simple point is enough. No need for a 3 point sermon or loads of illustrations. Once they "get it," you're good. 4. Apply it in a relevant way… relevant to the child, that is. They know "love" in the context of family and friends, so give illustrations related to those contexts. If you want to illustrate the concept of "mercy", go back to the last time they were disciplined and talk about what it would have been like if they'd received mercy... and why they didn't. Always emphasize God's desire to help them obey His truth. That's called "grace" and it's why Jesus came to die. 5. If older kids are involved too… dismiss the younger kids, give an activity while you continue the conversation Next week - Using music in family devotions Carey does speaking on this and other topics. You can find out more here. Music used by permission of Adam Rey at www.HeyReyGuitar.com

How to begin your own family devotions UNDERSTAND YOUR PURPOSE Family devotions are intended to facilitate heart-level spiritual growth. They are not just about getting more knowledge into your head (or the heads of your kids). So your goal in devotions should never be to teach your kids to be perfect little theologians, having all the answers to every questoion, or applying religious formulas for a happy day/life. Family devotions are about relationship - between each member of your family and God. Your family devotionals are for the purpose of pointing every one of you, every day, toward God and His purpose for your lives. That can be done at breakfast, before bed, after dinner - or all of the above. You pick and be consistent. SOME FOUNDATIONAL PRINCIPLES FOR PARENTS 1. Be real From your real-life experience (no fakers allowed). You need to demonstrate what an authentic relationship with God looks like, warts, mistakes, and all. Be who you are. Don't get over enthused about family devotions just because you want your kids to be excited. Be who you are and let God lead you in the enthusiasm part. 2. Use your Bible When you pick up the scriptures, your demonstrating that there's something of value between the covers of that book. Makes the scriptures an authority to your kids, not just an irrelevant old book. 3. Be flexible Stuff will happen. Phones will ring, burps will happen in the midst of prayers, readers will mispronounce words as they read the scriptures. Roll with it. God is sovereign over all those things and will use them Relax. 4. Trust God to use every effort. Remember that God is in control, and He wants your family close to Him, more than you want them close to Him. He'll handle it. You need to let Him lead.  Next podcast - Doing family devotions when small children are in the mix Carey does speaking on this and other topics. You can find out more here. Music used by permission of Adam Rey at www.HeyReyGuitar.com

This episode is brought to you by... DRAGON SLAYER: BEGINNINGS - Book 1 in my Christian fantasy series. The reviews I'm receiving on this book are both encouraging and incredible. Believe it or not, lives are being changed by this work of fiction. You can get your copy at htttp://www.DragonSlayerBook.com Now, on with the podcast... OK, I agree, the title of this episode is a bit weird. I mean, who really WANTS to destroy the people they love? But the sad fact is that all of us do thing, say things, and neglect things that wind up being hurtful to the people we love the most - our families. And the way that I see people destroy their loved ones more than anything else is not what you might expect. It's not through physical violence. It's not by neglect. It's not by harmful teaching or education. It's with words.  When I was a kid there was a taunt we said to each other in an attempt to console ourselves when harsh words came our way. It was, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me." It was and still is, a lie. Words can do at least as much lasting damage as any stick or stone. I still remember hurtful, untrue, vengeful things that have been said to me. Even trial things come to mind sometimes and give me reason to doubt myself, become discouraged, want to give up. I'm sure you have some similar experiences. Words are powerful, powerful tools for both good and evil. The Bible says, Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. (Proverbs 18:21) Death and life - those are two extremes, two different points on a continuum. One is what we all want, the other is what we all fear. And words have the power to produce both. So here's a point I want you to ponder, as a spouse and as a parent. DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR WORDS HAVE THAT KIND OF POWER? Do you recognize that your spouse and your children can be given life by your words, or that they can be destroyed by your words? That's a lot of power, for good or for evil. Let me ask you a follow-up question: WHAT KIND OF EFFECT ARE YOUR WORDS HAVING? Would the people in your home, your spouse and your kids, say that the typical type of words that come from your mouth are life-giving? Or would they say that what typically comes out of your mouth is destructive? Are the kinds of words you typically use words of encouragement, affirmation, or equipping? Or are they typically critical, negative, and pessimistic. Look at yourself, right now. Look at the relationships in your life. I'm not pushing this so hard because I want you to feel badly about yourself. I'm pushing this because every one of us is prone to self-deception. We don't see ourselves realistically. We don't really see how we truly effect others. I want you to step outside the bubble of self-deception and see yourself realistically. There are two reasons I'm encouraging you toward this kind of clarity about yourself... #1 - You'll be able to see yourself realistically SO THAT you can go to God in true sorrow over what you've done and what you've become. I know, that's a pretty heavy thing to say. But I say it that way for a reason. The Apostle Paul says it this way, For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. (2 Corinthians 7:10) Sorrow, or grief over what you've done and who you've become, is the first step toward change. It's where you have truly come to grips with your own sin and the damage it has done. Once you are there, you are ready to go on to the next step... #2 - You'll be able to go to God in repentance. Godly repentance is where you take your sorrow to God, asking for forgiveness and the power to change. It's where God takes your broken and contrite heart and begins to work His miracle of transformation in you as a person. So, here's the real question... HOW DO YOU FIND OUT THE EFFECT YOUR WORDS ARE HAVING? You have to ask the people who are most affected by your words. You've got to be brave enough to ask your family members for their honest, nothing-held-back assessment of your words. If you do, and if they're honest, you'll see a real picture of how your words are impacting them. When you do, make sure you respond well. You asked for the honest assessment and they were brave enough to give it, so make sure you use it to truly move toward godly sorrow and true repentance. Use their loving criticism to move toward becoming a source of life for them.  If you'd like to engage with me directly about this topic, please feel free to do so in the comments below. The Christian Home and Family ministry is aimed at helping you develop a legacy of faith in your family that lasts for generations to come. If I can help you toward that end in any way, please contact me. I also invite you to join the CHAF facebook community. Finally, if you would take a few minutes to help spread the word about Christian Home and Family, I believe God would be honored. Go to here to find all the ways you can help. 

This episode is brought to you by... DRAGON SLAYER: BEGINNINGS - Book 1 in my Christian fantasy series. The reviews I'm receiving on this book are both encouraging and incredible. Believe it or not, lives are being changed by this work of fiction. You can get your copy at htttp://www.DragonSlayerBook.com Now, on with the podcast...   The more days of life I log on this planet, the more I come to realize that the way we humans perceive ourselves is foggy at best. There are all kinds of ways it happens, from over-confidence, to lack of confidence, and everything in between. Another example is that we tend toward being unable to see our sin and the consequences of it with any sort of clarity. We excuse things we shouldn't and condemn things in ourselves that God put there for His divine purposes. Living in a fog is no fun. And here's the sobering thing: Our kids live in the same fog of self-perception. Just like us, they don't see themselves rightly. They struggle with doubt, condemnation, pride, and a host of other things just like we do. We BOTH need the clarity that only the wisdom of God can provide... and that's where we are incredibly blessed. God Himself has promised that if we lack wisdom, there's an incredible resource at our disposal. Here's how the Bible states it... If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. (James 1:5) Do you realize how incredible that verse is, for you and your children? In my mind, it's one of the most amazing promises evergiven to us. Let's walk through it... 1 - GOD GIVES WISDOM. That is truly amazing. We don't have to stumble along in the fog of what we think and feel and believe. We have access to a wisdom that can cut through the fog. 2 - GOD GIVES WISDOM GENEROUSLY God is not stingy when handing out His wisdom. He gives it freely, generously, abundantly, to anyone who wants it. 3 - GOD GIVE WISDOM WITHOUT REPROACH When we go to God for wisdom, God is not going to chide us for not being smarter or for not having things figured out. He's simply going to give us what we ask for. 4 - ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS ASK FOR IT There's no outrageous pricetag on the wisdom of God. He WANTS His children to be wise (like He is). So He freely gives wisdom to us when we ask Him for it. SO HOW DO WE APPLY THIS INCREDIBLE PROMISE? 1 - Memorize James 1:5 as a family. Talk it over. Make sure everyone understands the amazing gift that God offers. 2 - Encourage everyone in the family to ask God for wisdom daily. Hold each other accountable. Make it a project you work on together. 3 - Follow up. Ask everyone how they're seeing God's wisdom come on line in their lives. Share your stories to give your kids examples of what it might look like. 4 - Don't let it die. Continue to talk about the importance of wisdom. Continue to pray for it as a family. Continue to trust God for the wisdom each of you need to see yourselves and God rightly, as you walk through life.   If you'd like to engage with me directly about this topic, please feel free to do so in the comments below. The Christian Home and Family ministry is aimed at helping you develop a legacy of faith in your family that lasts for generations to come. If I can help you toward that end in any way, please contact me. I also invite you to join the CHAF facebook community. Finally, if you would take a few minutes to help spread the word about Christian Home and Family, I believe God would be honored. Go to here to find all the ways you can help.  

This episode is brought to you by... DRAGON SLAYER: BEGINNINGS - Book 1 in my Christian fantasy series. The reviews I'm receiving on this book are both encouraging and incredible. Believe it or not, lives are being changed by this work of fiction. You can get your copy at htttp://www.DragonSlayerBook.com Now, on with the podcast... [gn_divider] When I was a kid, I had a terrible habit. I bit my fingernails. It doesn't sound like such a bad habit, but it wasn't just the nails themselves, I bit the skin surrounding my finger nails. I even nibbled the skin on the tips of my fingers. My fingers looked like trees after a beaver had gotten a hold of them, little tooth marks everywhere. I remember trying to break that habit. It was extremely hard. Why? Because it was long-standing. I had begun my finger nibbling, probably around the time I was six years old, but I didn't try to break it until I was in my mid to late teen years. I was fighting ten years of physical repitition, psychological conditioning, absent-mindedness about the habit, and it wasn't easy. I tell you that story to illustrate the power of a habit. But you probably didn't need the illustration at all. Every one of us has been challenged by the need to kick a habit of one kind or another. Smoking, drugs, cursing, anger, criticism, pride... the list goes on and on, doesn't it? When we think of habits, we tend to think of the negative side of the subject, but I want to suggest to you that just like a bad habit starts young and becomes incredibly hard to break - a good habit can be built early, in the life of your children, and can serve them positively for their entire lives. SO WHAT KIND OF GOOD HABITS WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE YOUR KIDS (or yourself) DEVELOP? HERE'S TWO THAT I CONSIDER MOST IMPORTANT #1 - DAILY TIME WITH GOD Our family has been blessed by God to have the determination to build this habit into the lives of our kids, from the start. I see the fruit of our efforts in their lives. At the time of this recording, my three oldest children are young adults, one of them already married and a father (that makes ME Grand-pop!). The LORD led us to integrate daily time with the LORD into their lives from the time they were able to hold a book. The results have been nothing short of amazing. Today, each of them engages in their own relational time with the LORD in a genuine, life-giving way. It happens at least in part, because they started the habit of setting aside the time to be with the LORD, early in life. If you'd like to hear more about that, from their own lips, you can at ChristianHomeandFamily.com/73 #2 - GODLY ATTITUDES The scriptures are full of attitudes that are supposed to be true of believers in Christ. From generosity, to kindness, to humility, the scriptures make it clear that all of us are fully dependent on the Spirit of God to produce those things deep down in our souls. But as parents, we can have a significant impact on our children's growth in those areas from before the time they are born. Yes, I said from before the time they are born. So the first thing you should do is begin praying for God to fill them with His Spirit, so that they can then demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit. We began praying for each of our children the moment we knew my wife was pregnant. Once we knew if they were boy or girl (yes, we did find out), we gave them a name and began praying for them by name... all before they sucked in their first breath of oxygen. I believe it had a significant impact on who they are and God's work in their lives. Once they were born, we did a number of things to encourage godly attitudes. First, we made sure that we, the parents, were working on improving those attitudes in our own lives. If you preach one thing and do another, you'll find rebellion rising up in the heart of your kids. For more on that, see episode 70 of this podcast, at ChristianHomeandFamily.com/70. Next, we worked hard not to underestimate our kids' capacity for absorbing the truth of God. We read scripture to them, found scripture-filled children's music for them, and talked about what the songs and stories were saying. Parent's, don't underestimate the Spirit's power through the word of God. He is able to drench your child with Himself from an early age. John the Baptist was filled with the Spirit in his mother's womb (Luke 1:15). Why couldn't your child be significantly shaped by the Spirit from an early age too? Once our kids were old enough to carry on a conversation, no matter how elementary, we started practicing a number of additional things... [gn_list icon="icon: check-square-o" icon_color="#2f99ec"] We talked about desirable godly attitudes in positive terms. We pointed out people who were doing a good job at allowing the Spirit to produce His fruit. We read them stories of admirable Christians who could serve as role models. We discussed desired traits repeatedly, covering why the trait in question was so important and what God thought about the issue. We worked as a family to memorize scriptures that taught about the godly traits we were encouraging. Once they were old enough to understand the word "no" and what it meant (around 1 year old), we began requiring them to behave in godly ways, even applying discipline when needed, as the scriptures encourage parents to do. [/gn_list] Now don't misunderstand, we weren't heavy-handed or stern with our kids. Everything was drenched in love and acceptance, and taught in a spirit of dependence on God to help them do what they were expected to do. All of this was based on the belief that God will use our efforts as parents as some of the means by which He develops them into the people He wants them to be. My belief is that part of the effectiveness comes from getting our kids started down a path of thinking rightly about godly attitudes and actions, early in life. We're helping them, guiding them, with the help of the Spirit of God, to develop their own godly habits in the areas of thinking and behavior. Parents, take this issue seriously. Just like my nail-biting, your kids are GOING TO DEVELOP HABITS. Why wouldn't you want to proactively help them develop powerfully good ones? [gn_divider] If you'd like to engage with me directly about this topic, please feel free to do so in the comments below. The Christian Home and Family ministry is aimed at helping you develop a legacy of faith in your family that lasts for generations to come. If I can help you toward that end in any way, please contact me. I also invite you to join the CHAF facebook community. Finally, if you would take a few minutes to help spread the word about Christian Home and Family, I believe God would be honored. Go to here to find all the ways you can help.

This episode is brought to you by my men's event... The Understanding Way Weekend for Christan Husbands. You can find out more at www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/uww   There is a lot of joking that happens surrounding the differences between men and women, mainly because the differences are very real. We men see things differently, experience things differently, and think about things differently than our wives do - and as a result, all kinds of things can happen. Confusion. Conflicts. Disagreements. Even divorce. But guys, I'm here to tell you that those don't have to be the outcome for your marriage. There is a whole lot you can do to make a tremendous difference in your marriage. Do you remember the "damsel in distress" kind of stories? The ones where the princess is in mortal danger and the knight in shining armor rides in to save the day? Those types of stories resonate with people for a reason: They demonstrate how God has wired us as men and women. Every woman I've ever met, regardless of her background, WANTS her man to treasure her like one of those damsels in distress... not because she's egotistical, but because she NEEDS that kind of devotion from the man in her life. It's how God has wired her. The Apostle Paul said it this way... However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33). You may respond, "There's nothing in there that says my wife NEEDS me to treasure her!" - and I'll admit, Paul never uses those words. But stop for a second and think it through... WHY would God give husbands the command to love their lives as much as they love themselves? The answer? Because their wives NEED that kind of love. In fact, a few verses earlier, we're told, In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. (Ephesians 5:28-29). Notice the words Paul uses there... nourishes, cherishes... those are words of deep concern and great care. Those are the ways a husband is supposed to love his wife... because she NEEDS that kind of love. So... back to you and your wife: Your wife WANTS you to be her hero. She wants to matter so much to you, that you would put yourself at risk to save her, if needed. She WANTS to have confidence that you love her, and always will, no matter what. That is what gives your wife security in your relationship. It's what fuels her emotional/relational fires. It's what enables her to fully trust you. I can't tell you the number of guys I've counseled who don't get this and wonder why their marriage is in such a mess. Doesn't it just make sense that if your wife doesn't feel loved and cherished, she's not going to trust you in other areas? Doesn't it make sense that if she's not confident of your care for her, she's going to have a hard time following your leadership? Guys... you can turn your marriage around. You can build a marriage like you never dreamed, by learning how to do this one, simple thing: delight in your wife. Here's two practical suggestions: Learn to view her as a treasure: Consider this reality: Your wife is the life partner your God has given to you, and He gives the very BEST gifts. Now, depending on what you've gone through with your wife, it may take you a bit of time to get your head around that one. There could be a lot of hurt between you, a lot of wrong she's done toward you that makes it hard to view her as a treasure. But guys, a lot of what she's become may be at least partly your doing, by not treasuring her as you should have. God gave her to you to be a help to you, an asset, a benefit to your life. She is a personal gift from the all-powerful God. That means she is a treasure. Learn to treat her like a treasure - every day. Think for a second about your car, or your hunting rifle, or your favorite sports team. When something is extremely valuable to you, you take care of it. You check up on it. You follow through to make sure it's in good repair. You seek to know the most up to date information about it. What if that "thing" is not a thing at all, but a person - like your wife? You do the same kinds of things. You find out how she's really doing, every day. You show interest in her and what's important to her. You make sure she has everything she needs in order to be healthy and happy. You make her concerns your own. You listen, you care, you nurture, you cherish. Guys, the truth is, your wife is more important than your work, your hobbies, your car, your friends... and she should be cared for accordingly. It may not be natural for you to do those things, and they may even feel a bit awkward at first, but those are the kinds of "lay down your life" sacrifices you are called to make. In that same passage, Paul says, Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25) Jesus is your example, so as a man of God, as a follower of Jesus, it's time for you to man-up. Make it your greatest ambition in life to glorify God by learning how to delight in your wife. As a result, you'll see all kinds of benefits in your relationship, your family, your parenting, and in your life as a whole.

Parents of adolescents, older teens, and adult children can often view the trajectory of their child's life with great concern because they can see the disaster that bad choices are bringing. Is there anything a parent can do to divert their child from a life of terrible consequences? In this episode of the podcast, I'm going to give every parent two things they can do that will help them move into their child's life in a positive way, to help gently steer them into healthier directions. There is no guarantee, but with God's help, you can move toward your child with positive, loving concern that can have a positive impact on their future.

God is faithful to do His work in our children, as we are faithful to teach them how to seek Him through quiet time practices... This podcast is part 2 of a conversation I had with my children 2 years ago about how the LORD has faithfully led them to seek Him through the habit of personal quiet time. As you'll hear, none of them are perfect at it, and none of them feels they have a walk with the LORD totally wired. But each of them has their own genuine relationship with Christ and loves that they do. My prayer (and theirs) is that you'll be blessed and better equipped to help your children grow into a genuine, vibrant relationship with Jesus that will fuel their lives for the equipping of the next generation. Your kids can learn to have their own quiet time with God... and you can help them get there!  

Every Christian parent I know wants their children to learn how to walk closely with the LORD. We know how important it is to maintain a vibrant relationship with God as an adult, and want it for our kids too. In this episode of the Christian Home and Family podcast, which is quite a bit longer than my normal episodes... I'm going to be having a conversation with three great young folks - my three oldest kids, Aaron, Melinda, and Madeline. This conversation was recorded almost two years ago, and is a "repeat performance" of the Christian Home and Family podcast (originally aired as episode 4). The reason I'm doing a repeat episode is because this is one of the most downloaded and listened to episodes in the history of the podcast, and I have many new listeners since the time it originally aired. I want everyone to benefit from the great work God has done in these three kids... and I pray it will be a great blessing to you! Hear the story of three great teens about how they developed the habit of personal time with God. Your kids can learn to have their own time with God... and you can help them get there!

For years we've been told that our children have a fragile, but incredibly valuable sense of self-esteem, and that if we aren't careful, we could damage it beyond repair. As a result many attempts have been made in educational theories, parenting philosophies, and other areas, to bolster and build up a child's sense of self worth. Some of the tactics that have been tried in this social experiment are… 1 Contests and sports where "everybody is a winner." Everyone gets a trophy, even if they never won a game, scored a goal, or even played in a game. In my thinking, the only thing that approach accomplishes is to convince our kids that they don't have to work hard to accomplish anything, it will all be handed to them just for participating. 2 Teachers are afraid to fail kids who are not achieving the level of academic proficiency needed in order to advance to the next subject. So amazingly, children are getting into high school without even being able to read and comprehend what they read. What's that accomplishing besides the dumbing down of society? 3 Kids are told, "You can be whatever you want to be," which is clearly untrue. Each of us is wired, designed, and gifted differently. No matter how much my 13 year old son wants to play basketball like LeBron James, he's never going to because he doesn't have the height or the athletic skill for it. Let me ask you, how would you say this "protect their fragile self esteem" approach has been working? In my view, it's been a disaster. The generation of children who are moving into adulthood at this time are some of the most self-centered, "the world owes me" minded individuals I've ever met. Of course, there are exceptions, but overall, I believe my statement is true. Low self esteem is NOT your child's problem, pride is. . Ninety percent of people in the world don't struggle with thinking too little of themselves, they struggle with the exact opposite - thinking too highly of themselves. Jesus was very clear on this… Mark 7:21-23 "What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person." So what am I suggesting, that we beat down our kids, tell them what rotten, no-good sinners they are, and make sure they feel absolutely terrible about themselves? What I'm about to say here is going to go against most of what you've been taught for most of your life, so get ready for your gears to be stripped. Our children need to have a right, truth-based perspective about who they are. The Apostle Paul says it this way… Romans 12:3 - For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. What Paul is saying is this… 1 - We, and our children, don't need a pep talk to tell us how great we are. What we need is a dose of reality that enables us to see how pitiful and needy we are without the grace of God. Notice Paul's language… he says we're to think about ourselves with "sober" judgment. In other words, we are not to be like a drunkard who can't see the world or himself clearly. As believers in Christ, we can't continue to drink the wine of self-esteem and fall into the drunken stupor of thinking we are the best thing going. We, and our children, need to understand that we are sinners. I know that sounds pretty depressing, and it would be if not for the grace of God. Notice the last part of what Paul said… "think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith God has assigned." Paul is telling us that God has been gracious to provide us the opportunity to have faith in Jesus, and that changes everything. When we place our entire trust in Jesus Christ, all of our sinful shame and inner rot, is laid on the cross with Jesus. He takes our sinful being and in exchange, He gives us His holy, righteous self. We are acceptable before God, not because we are something special, but because Jesus did something special for us. At the end of this life, every Christian, from Billy Graham to the most unknown, believing person on the planet, will ride into eternity on the coat-tails of Jesus. So, we, and our children, need to know… We are sinners in need of a Savior. Because God is love, He has given us a Savior - Jesus Christ. Any good that comes of our lives, Jesus does. The result of knowing these two truths is a humble, God-fearing, people-loving individual who is able to learn and apply things like self-control, consideration, and service to others.   I'm available for speaking on this and other topics. Find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/speaking I also provide life coaching, spiritual coaching services. Find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/coaching Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store

We've seen bad parenting before... It was in a restaurant, at a ball game, or in the store. A parent was being held hostage by a 3 year old, or a ten year old, or a seventeen year old. The tantrums, moody attitudes, screams when the parent tries to do something for the child's good, and overall disrespectful attitudes showed to everyone who was unfortunate enough to have to witness the event, that the child AND the parent were out of control. We were the one unfortunate enough to be witnessing a scenario just like that once, long ago, when my oldest son was just 3 years old. It was at Chili's and a few tables away, a 5 year old boy was dominating his parents something terrible. The fits, food throwing, and disrespect was so thick you could feel it. My son sat in his high chair, saliva dripping out of his open mouth, right onto his chicken nuggets. He was only 3, but even he knew something wasn't right. With eyes wide he turned to us and said, "That boy need a panking." So, what are we to think of this case study? Let's consider what the scriptures have to say. Did you know that the Bible only gives 2 commands that are specifically directed at children? The first is found in both Colossians 6:12 and Ephesians 3:20. It says… Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Obedience. It's HUGE. And it's the part of a child's responsibility toward their parents that most parents focus on. WE work hard to make sure our kids are doing what they're told, that they are following our household rules and standards, that they are doing their chore chart and not hitting their little sister. Obedience is important, and we should focus on it as parents. BUT, if it's all we're focusing on, we run the risk of being the parent in the scenario we just described. The second command directly given to children was initially given in Exodus 20:12 and is reiterated 7 more times in the scriptures, and 6 of those in the New Testament. Here it is… Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you. Honor. What exactly IS honor as it applies to parents? It's not that our children need to bow down every time we enter the room. It's not that they are to serve us like a slave. It's not that our word is next to the word of God in significance and they have no room to question it. As parents, we are fallen, fallible human beings, just like our children are, and it's good for us to keep that in mind. What honor means for a child is this: They are to understand and humbly submit to this fact: Parents are God's appointed authority over their children. They represent God's authority and guidance and wisdom over the child. So, when a child rebels against his or her parents, they are rebelling against the authority God Himself has established for their good. Dishonor toward parents is dishonor toward God. Honor is manifested through respect. It's about attitude. It's about valuing the provision, protection, and guidance that God Himself has put over them, through their parents. THAT is the child's responsibility, and it's not one that comes naturally. That means that parents are responsible to teach their children about honor. That's where it gets tough for some of us. Parents often wonder, "How can I teach my child to honor me, without sounding like a self-serving jerk?" It's a good question, and it deserves a solid answer. FIRST, make sure you start early, teaching your kids from a very early age what God says about their responsibility toward you, as their parent. Here's the key: Lean on God's authority. Show your children that God says it is right for them to honor you, and that it pleases Him when they do. SECOND, Make sure they know what "honor" means, in practical terms. They could memorize the Bible verse, "Honor your father and mother," but if they don't understand what it MEANS to honor you, they won't be able to do it. So… as a parent, do YOU know what "honor" means, in practical terms? It might be easier to consider from the standpoint of what dishonor looks like. Dishonor is seen primarily in attitudes, and attitudes are often revealed in things like… Facial expressions - rolling the eyes, looks of disinterest Audible sounds - heavy sighs, sounds of indignation, whining, screaming, telling you "no" Body language - stomping the foot, tantrums, These and a thousand other things communicate disrespect, dishonor toward you as a parent. You cannot allow those things. The child should be disciplined for those things just as much as if they directly disobeyed you. Some parents have a hard time with that, because it can be much less tangible of a thing to detect. But you have to learn to discern bad attitudes and discipline your children for them. If you don't, they will learn that they are allowed to disrespect you, which will perpetuate disrespectful attitudes all the more. So, some scenarios: 1 You're trying to put your child's coat on and they scream in rebellion. That's dishonor. You should not allow it. 2 You tell the child they cannot go to their friend's house. They whine and beg and plead… they might even threaten. That is dishonor. You should not allow it. 3  You insist on your teenager being home at a reasonable hour, and they stomp their foot, loudly insist that you're unfair, and roll their eyes. That's dishonor. You should not allow it. Hear me out parents. Disrespect and the rebellion that flows from it are serious matters. You wouldn't allow your child to get into witchcraft, or spiritism, or divination, would you? Then why would you allow them to harbor a rebellious attitude? The scriptures equate those two things: 1 Samuel 15:23 - For rebellion is as the sin of divination Allowing your children to disrespect you is allowing them to do something that is BAD FOR THEM. It's letting them wander into a danger zone, where nothing but harm can come from it. Parents, for your children's sake… teach them not only to obey you, but also to honor you.   I'm available for speaking on this and other topics. Find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/speaking I also provide life coaching, spiritual coaching services. Find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/coaching Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store

Most kids who go off the deep end, into a season or rebellion, do so for one reason. They see the rules and restrictions that authorities place on them as personal attacks rather than loving means of protection… and THAT is the problem of the authorities in their lives, not the kids. Another way I often say it is this: Rules without relationship, creates rebellion. Rules are not a bad thing. Because human beings are fallen creatures, we need rules to show us right and wrong, and to govern and guide the direction of our countries and organizations. I strongly advocate that families develop their own set of household rules, the non-negotiable expectations that everyone in the family is expected to buy into, for the sake of representing Jesus well. But when it comes to household rules that a family has, there's a key component that makes them much more effective and helpful to everyone in the home. What is that key component? Relationship. In Proverbs 23:26, we find this intriguing phrase, "My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways. There is a heart-connection that is supposed to exist between parents and children. As the verse implies, our children are to be willing to give their hearts to us. But parents, that's not something that happens by default. The way you nurture and build the relationship you have with your children has everything to do with it. If you lay down the law to your kids, but are distant or removed in terms of relationship, you are writing your very own prescription for disaster. In time, and not much of it, your kids will resent your rules rather than embrace them. That's because there is no sense in which you've communicated a loving, concerned, "interested-in-them attitude" that demonstrates that the rules you're laying down are more than just rules. I've seen rebellion for this reason take place in the heart of a three year old, a twelve year old, and even a thirty year old. It happens because the kind of relationship you establish with your children is based ONLY on authority. You're nothing more than a figurehead, and as a result, they will begin to buck your rules in favor of their own opinion of what is right and wrong. So how do you prevent such a terrible outcome? First, you start young. From the time your children are born, don't let a day go by without you showing concern for them, asking questions about the things churning around inside of them, and giving them an understanding that you place rules and boundaries into their lives for their protection… because you love them so much! Second, make the relationship you have with your kids the kind that shows them that you are truly interested in the, that you genuinely care for them as people. It's not about "I'm the parent, you have to do what I say." It's about, "I care for you more than anyone else in the whole world, and I want to know and understand you. I like you. I'm eager to know you." You do that by having caring conversations with them, showing genuine interest in them and the things that are happening in their lives. Resist the temptation to sidestep or sluff off their "childish" interests because you're busy with more important things. Know this: Almost NOTHING is more important than building the right kind of relationship with your kids. Third, keep at it, day after day after day. Don't let the busy-ness and stress of life cause you to focus on less important things than the health of the relationships within your own home. Too many parents wake up one day to find that their teenage daughter or son has long been distant from them, and that the road to recovering their heart is going to be a painful and rocky one. Avoid that parents, please. Keep up on the relationships you have with your children, day after day.   I'm available for speaking on this and other topics. Find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/speaking I also provide life coaching, spiritual coaching services. Find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/coaching Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store

Let me be clear. I LOVE the Bible. I believe it to be God's word, divinely inspired, and profitable for our instruction, edification, and teaching. I can't tell you how much I have grown because of the truths the scriptures contain. I read it every single day of my life. BUT, I also know, from personal experience, that a head full of Bible verses can be a very damaging thing. You can know what the scriptures say, and have it do absolutely no good in your life. Memorizing scripture, by itself, is not enough. The same is true of your children. You can enroll them in AWANAs or Pioneer Club, or Child Evangelism Fellowship, (all very wonderful organizations, by the way), and you could encourage your kids to memorize all the Bible verses in the world, but if you don't do one, vital thing, it won't help them one tiny, little bit. What is it you've got to do? You've got to help them UNDERSTAND what all those Bible verses mean. Picture a bible verse or a passage of scripture like a suitcase. You want to open up that verse or passage, and unpack all the nuggets of truth it contains. You want to walk through it, word by word, phrase by phrase, to make sure your kids are understanding, on their level, what the verse is actually SAYING. That can be a very hard thing to do, can't it. I'm a busy man. I've got soccer to get the kids to, and work to do every day, and housework and chores, and meals to prepare, and friends to see, and groceries to buy, and homeschooling to do, and a hunting trip I'm planning for, and a men's group at church, and honestly, I don't have time to sit down with my kids between every Sunday school class or weekly AWANA meeting and help them understand the verses they're being asked to memorize! Wait a minute. I hope you see how ridiculous that sounds. To believe, even for a second, that you're too busy to help your children understand God's word, is like saying you're too busy to breathe. It's like saying that all those activities and responsibilities that make up your life are more important than your children's eternal well being and spiritual health. It's ridiculous. So, how do you do it? How do you help your kids unpack the Bible verses they're getting week after week after week? FIRST - You've got to reassess your life. If you have so many things going on, individually or as a family, that you can't sit down for 15 to 20 minutes with your children, once a week, so that you can review and talk about their Bible memory lessons, you are WAY too busy. Something has got to go. I know that sounds radical, but Jesus is a radical Savior. He doesn't just want your kids to know what His word says, He wants them to UNDERSTAND what it MEANS and how it applies to their young lives. So, if making the time for this seems overwhelming, that's a good sign that you've got too much on your plate. Unload some things for the sake of your kids. SECOND - Do it. As you help the kids review their verses, stop and discuss each phrase in its logical sequence. Here's an example: If the verse says, "God so loved the world that He gave His only Son," stop and talk about who God is - their Creator, King, and Ruler. Help them understand what the verse means when it refers to "the world." Is that them, grandma, the boy down the street? Unpack what it means that God "gave" His Son, by describing the incredibly powerful loving act it was for Jesus to step out of heaven and become a human being. And behind all that, help your kids understand why God needed to give us anything in the first place. Help your children understand their own sin, and how it separates them from God. Help them understand their own need for God. Show them how His great heart of love motivated Him to do the most amazing, sacrificial thing ever, to overcome their sin problem and make them His own. That's just one example. And the Bible has hundreds of thousands of verses in it, all with their own deeply impacting, eternally significant meaning. If you let your kids cram the words into their heads without the meaning, your feeding them food without the nutrients, and it will wind up destroying them. They'll become confident that they know the scriptures, when they really only know the words. They'll become self-righteous little hypocrites instead of passionate followers of Christ. Parents, don't let a wonderful thing like the word of God become a poison to your kids' souls. Take the time, MAKE the time, to help your children unpack God's word as they work to  memorize scripture. I'm available for speaking on this and other topics. Find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/speaking I also provide life coaching, spiritual coaching services. Find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/coaching Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store

If you've been in Christian circles for any length of time, you've heard a sermon or talk about the fruit of the Spirit. You've seen it on plaques in people's homes, you've heard children's songs about this list of virtues. Our human tendency is to take list of character qualities like that and make them into a checklist that we have to strive toward. We feel good if we accomplish some of them in a given day, and bad and guilty if we don 't. Is that what the Apostle Paul had in mind when he made the list in the first place? In this episode of the podcast I"m going to show you, what I believe to be Paul's intention when he created this list of character qualities, and give you some ideas about how you can approach this list with your family (children) to help them understand the true source of those kinds of amazing character traits. The Christian Home and Family ministry is aimed at helping you build a legacy of faith in your family that lasts for generations. I'd love to help you head in that direction in any way that I can. contact me at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/contact I'm available for speaking on this and other topics. Find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/speaking I also provide life coaching, spiritual coaching services. Find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/coaching Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store The main music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, "Midian" and is from Adam Rey's instrumental album Meat & Potatoes - Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com - (no affiliate relationship, Adam's just my friend.) ** these are affiliate links

One of the most difficult parts of the Christian life is continuing to trust God when hard things are coming into our lives. God, what are You doing? Why is this happening to me? I thought I was Your child and that You were my Protector? These and a thousand more questions echo through our souls as we struggle to understand the hardship we're enduring. In this episode of the podcast Carey is going to give you a way to look at the hardships that helps you endure what is going on, and to give God the glory for it. These are powerful and necessary lessons for every Christian to learn... and for you to know how to teach your children. Carey is available to speak on this and other topics - http://www.ChrsitianHomeandFamily.com/speaking Music used by permission of Adam Rey - http://www.HeyReyGuitar.com Leave a rating and review on iTunes - http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/itunes Connect with Carey at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/contact Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store The main music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, "Midian" and is from Adam Rey's instrumental album Meat & Potatoes - Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com - (no affiliate relationship, Adam's just my friend.) ** these are affiliate links

Parenting is not easy. It takes a lot of hard work if you're going to do it in an effective, God-honoring way. In this episode of the podcast Carey is going share with you about a concept he calls "purposeful parenting" - it's a way of viewing your relationship in a proactive way rather than floating through your parenting role, dealing with things as they come up. Using the approach of purposeful parenting, you can get into your kids' hearts and find out what issues they are struggling with before they erupt into something more. Music used by permission of Adam Rey - http://www.HeyReyGuitar.com Leave a rating and review on iTunes - http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/itunes Connect with Carey at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/contact   Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store The main music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, "Midian" and is from Adam Rey's instrumental album Meat & Potatoes - Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com - (no affiliate relationship, Adam's just my friend.) ** these are affiliate links

Everyone fights those nagging little voices of condemnation that speak to their own minds. It's part of the human condition. But for Christians, there is a powerful way to deal with those lies, and it's based on the truths God has shared with us in His word. Parents, you have to know that your kids are going to struggle with those same issues. In fact, they probably already do, even the younger ones. In this episode, Carey is going to walk you through a passage from the book of Hebrews and show you how the truth found there is able to help you and your kids deal with the condemning thoughts and voices that threaten to hold you back from living with confidence as God intends. Music used by permission of Adam Rey - http://www.HeyReyGuitar.com Leave a rating and review on iTunes - http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/itunes Connect with Carey at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/contact   Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store The main music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, "Midian" and is from Adam Rey's instrumental album Meat & Potatoes - Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com - (no affiliate relationship, Adam's just my friend.) ** these are affiliate links

American (western) culture tries to convince us that we can be "safe." We purchase insurance policies, save up cash, build retirement funds, all for the sake of being safe. But is it really true? As Christians, we even "Christian-ize" the concept, taking scriptures to support the view and to give ourselves a sense that God guarantees our safety because we are believers. It's simply not true. In this episode Carey is covering the basics of biblical faith in God, and how you can go about teaching your children how to trust in God rather than things, and to lean on Him in the difficulties that life is sure to bring. Music in this podcast used by permission of Adam Rey - http://www.HeyReyGuitar.com Contact Carey at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/contact Learn how to leave us a review on iTunes at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/itunes Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store The main music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, "Midian" and is from Adam Rey's instrumental album Meat & Potatoes - Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com - (no affiliate relationship, Adam's just my friend.) ** these are affiliate links

We all tell "little white lies" now and then. But are they really so little? And what impact do they have on the life and example of a Christian family? In this episode Carey talks about what God thinks of our "little white lies" and challenges us to be people of truth, people who example and reflect the truth of God in everything we do. He also talks about Music in this podcast used by permission of Adam Rey - http://www.HeyReyGuitar.com Contact Carey at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/contact Learn how to leave us a review on iTunes at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/itunes Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store The main music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, "Midian" and is from Adam Rey's instrumental album Meat & Potatoes - Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com - (no affiliate relationship, Adam's just my friend.) ** these are affiliate links

"Wait a minute! I thought my kids were responsible to have their OWN faith in Jesus!" They are. You can relax. That's not what I'm talking about. Of course they have to choose to place their trust in Jesus, but the question is, "How are they going to get to that point?" THAT is where your responsibility as a Christian parent comes in. In this episode Carey is going to talk you through Psalm 78, and discuss how YOU are responsible, in God's eyes, for leading your children to the place that they are able to have faith in Christ. It's a generational thing, one generation passing on the faith to another. It's powerful. Carey is available for speaking at your event. You can find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/speaking Music in this podcast used by permission of Adam Rey - http://www.HeyReyGuitar.com Contact Carey at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/contact Learn how to leave us a review on iTunes at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/itunes Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store The main music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, "Midian" and is from Adam Rey's instrumental album Meat & Potatoes - Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com - (no affiliate relationship, Adam's just my friend.) ** these are affiliate links

I've been taking a break from podcasting for the last 4 to 5 months. I did so because I wanted to make sure I was "practicing what I preach" regarding keeping family priorities in order. So, during a time of huge transition for my family, I took some time off from the podcast to make sure the family was getting the attention from me that was needed. I'm back! - and I'm revamping the podcast a bit. After careful consideration and prayer, I'm taking a new approach to the way I do this podcast, including the use of video. You can find out more details in this episode. Find the show notes for this episode at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/61 Contact Carey at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/contact Find out how you can leave a rating and review for the podcast on iTunes at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/itunes The main music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, "Midian" and is from Adam Rey's instrumental album Meat & Potatoes - Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com - (no affiliate relationship, Adam's just my friend.) ** these are affiliate links

Today's Guest Danny Stephens REVIEW ON I-TUNES I grew up through the 70s and 80s, eras of HUGE musical styles and progressions... and the melody and words of thousands of songs from those days are still embedded in my mind. Music is powerful... able to insert itself into our souls in ways like few other things. It makes sense to use God's creation of music to help ourselves learn the transforming truths of His word. In this episode I'm talking with Danny Stephens, a member of the band "Smalltown Poets" and the creator of Pop Scripture Songs - and attempt to create a tool for helping kids, parents, families get the truths of scripture into our souls. He's done a great service to the church and is working on his second album now. In this episode he also shares a way that you can get a copy of their Pop Scripture Song album, "Better Than Life" for FREE. Check out the links below.   Links mentioned in this podcast: www.smalltownpoets.tv www.popscripturesongs.com www.noisetrade.com/popscripturesongs - the FREE download link The main music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, "Midian" and is from Adam Rey's instrumental album Meat & Potatoes - Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com - (no affiliate relationship, Adam's just my friend.) ** these are affiliate links